#i just need to constantly put it all in perspective. life isn't about making the best choices life is about people. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

The average Tumblr user visits about 67 pages every month.

#i just need to constantly put it all in perspective. life isn't about making the best choices life is about people.

nordickies · 15 hours

Note

Your takes on the various relationships between the Nordics are so good that I can’t help but asking you about Denmark and Sweden! Do you think they might have a relationship that gives them something they can’t get from anyone else? Can they be open with each other considering their long rivalry?

To me, they're "old men" with lots of life wisdom and experience on their back. But they're still the same rebellious rascals who don't know how to express their love for each other through words. While they're the traditional heads of the family, they seem to regress to their irresponsible teenage selves, who will wrestle and prank each other when put into the same room.

Needless to say, they have had quite the journey. Their different personalities, goals, and perspectives caused them quite a deep rift in the past, but they have never despised each other; their feud was just the only way to let out their frustrations about their circumstances. In their most vulnerable, emotional state, they felt hurt and betrayed by the other, leading to grudges. But they never wanted to bring their brother down. They only wanted the other to understand their pain and how unfair they felt about their situation. To make them feel even an ounce of the pain they have felt. But even with all the fighting, they had a deep unspoken trust and care for each other; they were just pissed that the other didn't see it.

Sweden has always had a strong will, and he needs to walk his own path on his own accord, or he'll get rowdy. He has always had the drive to make something great out of himself, and perhaps in his youth, this manifested as jealousy for Denmark. Den always seemed to be one step ahead. Perhaps it always felt like nothing escaped Den; he knew everyone's secrets, and you couldn't hide anything from him. And imagine how much that must have annoyed angsty teenage Sweden. He doesn't like to be told what to do, but the Dane always had an opinion on anything he did (and he still does). Sweden needed to learn to ignore it and not let it get under his skin, but he sometimes still struggles with it. Something about Denmark explicitly pointing out his flaws hurt more than anything else.

Meanwhile, Sweden's thick-headedness has always frustrated Denmark to no end. Swe can't accept help or consider he may be wrong at times; it's his black-and-white thinking on certain aspects. In his youth, Sweden did things the hard way - just so that he could oppose Denmark. Perhaps the Dane feels he needs to get Swe to loosen up. Denmark doesn't understand why Sweden can't just let him help. He doesn't understand why doing things on his own is so important to him. Denmark also finds Sweden rather dramatic; mistakes and oversights can make Swe blow things out of proportion and cause friction with his friends. To him, the Swede is just a younger brother who thinks too highly of himself and can be too self-centered at times, which he isn't afraid to point out.

Speaking of which, Denmark is really just a typical older brother. He will call Sweden names and embarrass him for a lifetime, push or forcefully hug him, hide and steal his things - constantly testing Sweden's patience to the limit. But it's only Den who can do this; he wouldn't tolerate anyone else outside the family annoying Sweden. However, Sweden isn't without his flaws either. He certainly likes to growl back at Denmark, but he manages to do it so discreetly that he never gets the blame. That's pretty much Swe's tactic: seek attention and sympathy points from others whenever Denmark is annoying him. He usually turns people against Denmark and blames him for everything, even when Den has had nothing to do with it. Who else would get the blame but the oldest sibling, anyway? Still, Sweden gets extremely defensive if someone pesters his brother and steps in if someone is seeking a fight with him, surprising everyone else

The brothers recognize they're acting childish and harsh, but they can't explain why they keep doing it. Maybe Denmark and Sweden don't nag or yell at others, so naturally, they do it with each other. But they can also be unapologetically themselves. Den and Swe don't care if they are annoying or bothersome to the other; more than anything, they deserve it! They have seen each other's worst sides and put up with it all, meaning nothing can shatter their bond anymore. And it's oddly comforting, in a way. They still test each other and quarrel about incidental things but find comfort in each other's company anyway. All the work they had to put into accepting each other and trying to understand the other's perspective has paid off. Deep down, they have immense respect for their brother. In their youth, they never really considered that their interests and goals were so surprisingly similar.

They both like slow living, as neither is as adventurous as Norway or as adrenaline-seeking as Finland. They want their slow mornings and take a moment to read the morning news. Take their deserved breaks at work and get home early to cozy up. Perhaps their ideal day is just sitting for coffee and watching the world go by. Spend a moment staring at construction projects downtown and pondering about them. They walk around the park and talk about the various projects they need to finish around the house, how the roof should be fixed and the grass should be mowed. At the same time, they do not shy away from brutal honesty and expressing their opinions about each other. In brotherly fashion, they play together, piss each other off, cheat during games, steal each others' food, seek sincere advice, scold each other, and make sacrifices when the other needs them.

I think they still struggle a bit with vulnerability, and when they have troubles, they both turn to Norway's advice out of old habits. It just feels easier opening up to him for some reason. Den and Swe have needed to learn and respect each other's differences and rebuild the trust they have lost so many times. It's just a matter of daring to open up and get out of their comfort zones, forcing themselves to understand the other's point of view.

They share a special kind of experienced wisdom none of the other Nordics have quite attained. Life took them on two different roads, but they found each other in the end. As much as they wanted to differentiate from each other in their youth, they were united by their similarities and kinship by the end. It just required a lot of maturing from both of them. Maybe uniting after their past grudges is the most significant accomplishment, and thus, their relationship nowadays means a lot to both of them (even if they won't admit it).

Other relationship breakdowns Norway/Denmark II Norway/Sweden

#hws denmark #hws sweden #headcanons #thank you so much anon <33 #sorry this turned into a ramble rather than easy-to-read summary. oh well

22 notes · View notes

qdbs-writes · 10 months

Note

How do you think the Cullens would act around a disinterested crush? Maybe they're fated but reader isn't having it lol

(I love your twilight writing btw thank God someone is still doing it 🤤🤤)

ah it has been many moons since I've gotten a twilight request yay!

Cullen Clan Reacting To Their Crush Being Disinterested In Them

Carlisle Cullen

Being alive for just over 400 years tends to give one a good perspective on life and the bigger picture, and Carlisle sure has a pretty good idea of how all things pan out. So you're not interested in him? That's fine, Carlisle can wait for as long as you need to change your mind.

In the meantime, Carlisle will continue to maintain your friendship and continue to show just how hard he's worked to become the kind caring father figure he is. He knows you'll fall for him, eventually.

Esme Cullen

Obviously, she's not going to stop caring about you just because you don't return her feelings. But she might switch up how she shows her affection.

Rather than flirty winks and suspiciously candle-lit wine tastings, she'll back up to more traditionally motherly affections. Making sure you're eating right, baking cookies, etc. And of course, giving you homemade soup when you're sick is still one of her favourite things to do, no need to stop now.

Edward Cullen

Of course, you're not interested, how could anyone love a monster like him? Who did he think he was, thinking he was worthy of your love? Or so his inner monologue goes.

But it's really not that dramatic, it almost never is, Edward just sprung his crush on you suddenly and it caught you off guard. It was largely the excessively long preamble about how he was an irredeemable murderer that put you off first, but of course, he won't realise that until considerably later.

Rosalie Hale

She's a little relieved actually. All her mortal and immortal life, Rosalie has been aggressively pursued by people she wasn't particularly interested in, so the fact that she can crush on someone who isn't really that interested is a wonderful change of pace.

For the first time ever, Rosalie has butterflies in her stomach, she fumbles with her words when she speaks to you, and she feels like a silly, mortal teenage girl again, begging her mother to let her go to the dance just so she can sneak away to catch a glimpse of someone just like you.

Emmett Cullen

You and Emmett had been good friends for a while so when he casually drops a blissful "We should get married" into the conversation, you initially choke on your drink in laughter.

Emmett's a little heartbroken that you'd laugh at something like that, considering that he was being 100% serious. But since you've known him, the both of you have been constantly cracking up jokes, trying to get on each other's nerves, so no wonder you thought this was another one of his pranks. He decides to take this reaction as a blessing, you have no idea he's actually into you, now he knows he has to work out a different way to confess his feelings for you.

Alice Cullen

She's a little confused obviously, having multiple visions of the two of you in a romantic relationship kind of gave her the impression that it might've been going to come true, but your disinterest says something else altogether.

But the worst part is that those damn visions of you and her together keep coming back, taunting her, luring her in deeper to despair with the thoughts of what might be. It's all getting so intense, so she decides to skip town for a bit, see if that changes anything, or at least helps her clear her head.

Jasper Hale

Oh well, so you're not interested in a romantic relationship, so what? Doesn't mean you can't still be friends. Doesn't mean he can't be the charming Southern gentleman he is. Doesn't mean he can't still pull out chairs or open doors for you. Or send anonymous bouquets to your house. Or leave your favourite snacks in your locker when you're having a rough day. Of course not.

It doesn't mean he can't worry about other people who might want to date you. Doesn't mean he can't scare off people who'd be bad for you. I mean, what else are friends for?

3K notes · View notes

ceruark · 1 month

Text

general yandere headcanons - ratio, boothill, aventurine, sunday

notes: gn! reader. yandere! ratio, boothill, aventurine, sunday [separate] cw: general yandere themes - obsessive & possessive behavior, stalking, abduction, manipulation, blackmail, brainwashing words: 2250 a/n: one of these is longer than the others. can you tell i have a favorite?

VERITAS believes genius comes in many forms, and you exhibit some traits that could qualify you as being one. Whether or not you're a scholar, your ability to listen intently, ponder things deeply, and uphold meaningful conversation captured his attention and landed you in his favor. He thinks highly of you, and finds himself eagerly awaiting the next time he can poke your brain about some complex topic you feel like you aren’t equipped to comment on, but do so anyway at his insistence.

His obsession with you isn't apparent at first, not even to him. He tells himself it's simply in a scholar's nature to learn more about the things that intrigue them, and you're not special just because he seeks out information on you wherever he can. His research ends up paying off when he finds out that you desire more than the quaint life you've made for yourself, and he personally extends you an invitation to Veritas Prime.

When you accept, he insists that you attend as many of his lectures as humanly possible. Even if it doesn't align with what you're studying, he convinces you to show up anyway, fabricating some argument for how it will be useful for you in the future. Normally he'd be irritated with himself for giving a lackluster lecture, but he can hardly blame himself for being distracted when he has your undivided attention for hours on end. He's addicted to it, the way your eyes lock with his, the way you hang on to every word leaving his mouth.

Not that any of this is obvious to you. No, from your perspective, he's harsh and critical, always undermining your intelligence by insisting you need additional lectures and overseeing your studies himself. Obviously, he doesn't put much faith in your competency and thinks you'll fail unless you're being handheld the entire way. He may not outright insult you the way he does with others, but his "special treatment" is enough to make you feel insecure in your own abilities.

And that insecurity is a weak point he unapologetically exploits. When he feels like he hasn't seen enough of you lately, all it takes is a few bad marks from him to have you at his side, seeking out guidance and ways to improve. The worst is when he catches you spending too much time (which is any time at all) with those insignificant simpletons you call your friends. Clearly, you have too much time on your hands. Certainly you can assist him with his latest project, no? Well, if you'd rather slack off and lose all the progress you've made so far, that's fine, too.

You'll never know what his true intentions are until he's already involved in or controlling every aspect of your life, and at that point, you can't risk upsetting him. Your future success is contingent on how content you can keep him, and in this new phase of your relationship, you hardly know how to do that.

Better get to researching.

Threat Level: 3/5 Pet Names: darling, dear/dearest

BOOTHILL loves to make you laugh— it's the thing that drew him to you. He'll do anything to keep your attention on him, not caring how much of a fool he looks so long as you keep those gorgeous eyes on him. But beneath all the flirtation and humor is a deep desperation; he can't lose you, not after everything he's already lost. He stays on your home planet for as long as he can, but he has things to take care of, so he can't stick around forever.

To be fair, he tries. He makes the first few trips alone, leaving you behind to live your life— and every minute is agony. He doesn't know what you're doing, who you're with, or if you're safe. He's glued to his phone, constantly checking the news to make sure no tragedy has struck your home planet or the cozy town you reside in. Every night he wakes up from a nightmare, the sounds of bombs ringing in his ears and the illusion of your corpse still hovering before his eyes.

The next time he visits you, he takes you. You're coming with him— you don't have a choice. He can't live without you by his side, but he can't stay in one place, either. You can fight him all you want, but he's relentless, and his fear builds up into a frustration that causes him to be a little harsh. You're weak, vulnerable, and you can't be expected to protect yourself, so he has to. When he calms down, he tries to convince you that it won't be so bad. You'll get to travel the endless galaxy with the man you'd been so taken with just a few days ago. What more could you ask for?

Trying to escape him is futile. He's probably the easiest one on this list to get away from, but don't let that get to your head: he'll be hot on your trail, so you better hope those few days away from him are worth it in the end.

But with time you'll learn there is some truth to his words; if you don't try to leave him and keep him happy, then maybe you can trick yourself into believing that this is a life you chose for yourself.

Threat Level: 3.5/5 Pet Names: beau, gorgeous, sugar

AVENTURINE is like a moth to a flame, and your capacity for intimacy is the match. You're the first person in recent memory who treats him as a person, not as a commodity or a body, a wallet or another cog in the machine. Your first interaction was fleeting, but it replays in his mind every time he closes his eyes.

He watches you for some time, learning you inside and out— partially to satisfy his desire to know more about you, but mostly for leverage. He memorizes your schedule and interests, and subpoenas documents to learn more sensitive information, such as your medical history and anything pertaining to your family. He remembers everyone you interact with, making note of who's on the sidelines and who's part of your inner circle. He sees the way you openly bare your heart to them, keeping them comforted by its warmth, and he wants it all for himself. Hasn't he been denied something so pure for long enough?

He's charming in the beginning, using one of his many masks to slither his way into your mind and heart. He showers you with compliments and gifts, leaving you flustered after every single meeting. He knows exactly what you like, so it's easy to keep you fixated on him.

When you two finally make things official, he lures you into the palm of his hand. Your rent unexpectedly went up? No worries, he can start covering that for you— it's no trouble for him, really. Someone important to you had an unexpected health issue and can't cover the bill? He's got it, anything to cause you less stress. Is he sure it's okay? Of course it is. He only wants to see you happy.

When your friends start dropping like flies and even your family starts to distance themselves for you, he's by your side through the turmoil. Fate has been so cruel to the both of you, hasn't it? It's okay, he's here for you. He's not going anywhere.

By the time you catch on to his manipulation and realize he's behind your isolation from your friends and family, it's too late. You're too dependent on him, and he knows everything about you and anyone still sticking by you. Do you dare bite the hand that feeds you? Will you try to escape? Can you afford to pay the price if it all goes wrong?

What will you wager to get yourself back in his good graces?

It’s unwise to try your luck against his. Play along, and perhaps he'll show you the face that you fell for.

Threat Level: 4/5 Pet Names: babe, doll, sweetheart

SUNDAY takes notice of you because of your carefree nature. Being so trapped in his own head about the fate of Penacony and humanity as a whole, he's captivated by the way you seem unconcerned with matters larger than yourself. While you do plan for the future and have aspirations of your own, you still manage to live in the moment and take things one day at a time, possessing a liveliness he's never quite seen before, never been allowed to have himself.

He knows about you long before you ever meet him. Nightingales line every path you walk, sticking to the shadows and noting everything about you: the places you frequent, the food you like, the type of clothes you buy, your colleagues, your route home, and the little habits you have that he finds so endearing.

When he finally appears before you, you're starstruck— how could you not be? The head of the Oak Family is seated beside you at Dreamjolt Holstery, making small talk about your day and your life and your interests when he could be speaking to any of the other high-profile guests at the bar. You're flustered from the honor of having his undivided attention, and the butterflies in your stomach only worsen when he asks if it would be possible to keep in contact with you. Of course, you give him your number, and your impromptu meeting turns into another, and from there, into more.

He's so earnest in his adoration for you that you never notice how off-putting it is that he seems to already know what you like. Surely it's just a coincidence that he takes you out to all your favorite places and gifts you things that you'd been spending months saving up to buy yourself. It's nothing more than fate that you seem to bump into him at the oddest of times, on your way back home from a night out on the town, or during the day while you're heading out to meet with one of your friends.

It's only when you agree to a relationship that you start to get concerned. Describing his behavior as "clingy" would be putting it lightly; he tries to have you by his side in any way he can, talking you into attending a party with him or asking you to sit in his office at his side while he gets through paperwork. When you go anywhere without him, he's ordering a member of the Bloodhound Family to accompany you. He seems so distressed at the mere thought of you not being by his side, nevermind the thought of you being out in public by yourself— it's not healthy for either of you. Before you can even think to voice your concerns to him, he's wrapping his arms around you and reminding you that he just worries about you. The Family has many enemies, and they would be willing to use you to get to him. He just wants to make sure you're safe.

When Robin goes missing, things take a turn for the worse. He moves you into Dewlight Pavilion, and you don't get a say in the matter. If he's home, you're by his side at all times. Anything you have to tend to at this point can be done from within the comfort of the estate, and in his presence. Even if he's not there, he might as well be; the nightingales and their pervasive gaze are out in the open now, watching as you aimlessly wander the pavilion, getting lost in the maze and growing a little more desperate each time you explore your new home. You move through the mansion with an urgency, like you're searching for something.

Like you're trying to leave.

When Sunday's suffocating protection inevitably gets to you and you try to confront him, he gives you one more chance to see things his way on your own. It's a miscalculation on his end; you snap again, only this time, you manage to find an exit. You make it back to Golden Hour, but by the time you get there, there's already a group of Bloodhounds waiting to catch you and drag you back.

When you're shoved into his office, he's standing with his back to you, hands clasped behind his back. You can hear the heartbreak, the betrayal in his voice as he tells you how hurt he is that you'd endanger yourself after everything he's done for you. Out of guilt or fear, you can't tell, but you apologize and swear to him that you won't do it again.

And you won't— he'll make sure of it. Under the light of the Harmony, all is revealed: his undying love for you, your reciprocation, and the strength of his will over yours. You see it now, don't you? Everything he does is for your wellbeing. Clipping your wings while you're on the ground is just a way to ensure you'll never fall out of the sky. You're safe here, in this gilded cage he's tailored your tastes, with a kind keeper to tend to your every need and shower you with all the affection your heart could ever desire. How could you fault him for that?

You can't. After all, you don’t even remember why you were upset with him in the first place.

Threat Level: 5/5 Pet Names: angel, dear/dearest, dove

816 notes · View notes

ask-pomni-blog · 1 month

Text

Ok this may seem like im grasping at straws here but i need you guys to let me cook for a sec-

HUGE TADC EPISODE 2 SPOILERS

We start off the episode with Pomni’s nightmare, which is a reflection of Pomni’s fears and feelings that are going to be expanded upon throughout the episode. Her main fear isn’t abstracting here, it's the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of not mattering to anybody in the circus. This is seen clearly when Ragatha, Jax, and Caine are shown above the cellar, basically saying “good riddance” upon witnessing Pomni abstract.

And it makes complete sense that Pomni would feel this way once you look back at the circus’ reaction to Kaufmo abstracting (before the second episode). He doesn’t get acknowledged as someone who has just passed away, he doesn’t even get a moment of silence. Pomni notices this, and after she wakes up from her nightmare, she seems almost reluctant to bond with the rest of the circus members because this fear is still on her mind.

This is seen particularly when Pomni is speaking to Ragatha. Ragatha attempts to be helpful at any given chance, but most of the time Pomni is lost in her thoughts. Pomni doesn't seem very open to conversate with Ragatha because of her fears. But this isn't unwarranted, Ragatha literally calls the situation from the day before a “doozy” which brings up the fact that Ragatha constantly dismisses important issues, saying that they should just forget about the situation that happened the day before when Pomni left her for the exit. I understand that she’s trying to ease the tension between them, but I fear she might be making it even worse. Additionally, Ragatha dismissing a very important issue like that makes Pomni’s fears stronger, it may seem to Pomni that Ragatha doesn’t care…

When it’s actually the opposite! The whole episode she tries her best to motivate Pomni (“look, Pomni. We’re already friends with the princess!”, “So, Pomni, I’m sure there’s some way you could help out here.”)

and she’s also very concerned for Pomni when she’s gone (“...Pomni’s still on board!”, “Oh man, Poor Pomni. I hope she's alright.”, “I’m more worried she’s having another horrible experience.”, “Pomni! Are you okay?”)

However, all these remarks could be seen as condescending from Pomni’s perspective… And on the other hand, Ragatha feels like Pomni blames her for the situation, and that Pomni dislikes her.

Returning to the topic of Pomni’s fears, a lot of this is also reflected in her conversation with Gummigoo:

—

G:“I don’t matter in the slightest. I’m nothing. My life, my memories… my friends… it’s all fake.”

P:“...I think I know the feeling.”

P:“...I guess I just don't want you to feel like you’re nothing. I don’t want anyone to feel like that.”

G:“But I'm not even a real person. Would I even belong?”

P:“I’m sure you wouldn’t belong any less than me.”

—

Pomni relates to Gummigoo’s fears!! And Pomni is so compassionate and understanding too! …sadly their friendship didn’t last very long… and that brings us back to Ragatha and Pomni. Ragatha tries her best to be reassuring… unfortunately that didn’t work either. AND THIS WHOLE INTERACTION IS JUST- OH MY GOD... LET ME PUT A HUGE EMPHASIS ON THEIR BODY LANGUAGE HERE:

Also the WORDING HERE:

and this scene ooohhhhhhh,,,,,,,, this scene...!!

POMNI IS REASSURED ONCE SHE SEES THAT THE CIRCUS MEMBERS DO CARE. THEY WOULD CARE. HER FEARS DISSAPEAR AND AND- ohhhhmy god this is so sick and twisted.. this ep was.. soooooo good. holy smokes. anyways thank you for listening to my TED talk.

392 notes · View notes

takemebacktowheniwassane · 2 months

Text

i've been seeing a lot of falsettos posts recently deconstructing the fandoms beliefs and firstly

holy fuck thank you, i try to steer clear of fandom (and fandom-izing thereof) drama but this is getting a lot more visible recently so here's some little tidbits for you

whizzer brown is not an unflawed character!

okay so i haven't seen enough dissecting this but!!! in the chess game!

the whole point of marvin using that game to determine the ending of their relationship is because he suspects whizzer is constantly deceiving him and wants to prove it.

whizzer LITERALLY proves him right!

he asks marvin to help him along (yes i know he says he doesn't want help, hear me out, it's a little more complex than that) and takes advantage of the fact that marvin is- like- infatuated with him.

he draws him into a sense of false security then starts throwing accusations at him ("since you need a man!" "what?" "who's 'brainy'," "or witty, move.") until hes able to win, which he does with ease because he's been using marvin having this idea that he isn't smart against him.

of course, marvin's side of this isn't the best either but honestly, for once the fandom should focus on a different character when they think 'insane asshole'. typically we should also probably change our perspectives a little to be more unbiased cuz fr guys, this is getting really.. annoying.

i understand he's the most visibly flawed but that doesn't excuse constantly picking the worst parts of this musical (without other context, btw) to use against him.

and this post certainly isn't here to excuse anyone either i've just got a lot of opinions that i wanted to share while falsettos is.. trending? right?

2. marvin's (headcanoned but still somewhat researched) autism

this one isn't brought up as much but when i do see it around, it's kind of a skewed viewpoint.

while rewatching bits of the proshot i realized a lot of different neurodivergent traits that he shows-

he's helpless during I Never Wanted to Love You and is childish and regressive when he's upset (not every autistic person is like this either, i know this is a bit of a touchy subject so i just wanted to add that).

usually when people depict it i see it either toned down or joked about which is fine when all in good fun, and when its done respectfully.

not here to attack anyone, just here to point it out and say that yes :) he most likely is neurodivergent, but despite that his actions aren't condoned. he's still kinda a dick who needs to get his shit together

3. ..the lesbians also have shit going on?

just putting this out there- I DON'T SEE ENOUGH FOR THE LESBIANS! OR TRINA!

the girls in this musical are like thoroughly neglected and i think that's kind of shitty just assuming the fact that william finn put them in to demonstrate how gender roles put people in degrading positions (and he even makes it more prevalent by showing marvin as something like a misogynistic character who forces whizzer into more feminine roles to show the audience what woman have to/had to go through in society).

anyways, the lesbians aren't just there guys. they have a plotline too. in Something Bad is Happening, you derive a lot from charlotte singing about the outbreak of HIV/AIDS and realize how she operates on a daily basis (she's passionate about her work and takes every bad day as a hit to her life and career, explaining in a way that as a black, jewish, lesbian, FEMALE doctor in this time, everything that goes wrong is immediately brought down on her so much more than it would as any straight white male pharmacist-).

cordelia on the other hand has to handle the fact that her girlfriend is so adamant about her work ethic that she can't actually be super present in their relationship at times like that.

but either way she still sticks by her and is constantly trying to be supportive and endearing despite feeling like she's not amounting to her gf who's basically a hero in her eyes.

i kinda just wanted to bring that up because they mean a lot to me and they don't get enough love from the fanbase, thank you for listening to my TED talk <3

#why did I spend 20 minutes typing this #rant #whizzer brown #falsettos #marvin falsettos #charlotte falsettos #cordelia falsettos #hhhh

267 notes · View notes

narryffdreaming · 2 months

Text

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — TWO

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART TWO: 14,9k words Please read: Part two explores a lot of Aurora's irrational thoughts and it shows how much she struggles to be herself after being married to someone who was emotionally abusive to her. From my perspective, it's a really important chapter to develop the relationship between Aurora and Harry, but I want people to be mindful of its content in case they don't feel comfortable reading about this, or in case it hits too close to them. Feel free to reach out if you want to skip something and you'd like me to fill you in. <3

PART ONE

Despite the line, getting through security would've taken Aurora hardly three minutes. That is, of course, if she hadn't had to wait for Harry for another ten.

He doesn't look the least apologetic for the held back, though. Nor bothered in the slightest by the extra time he seemingly needed. Smiling at her and holding their shared tray as he tilts his chin to an empty table and leads the way towards it.

Aurora follows him quietly, checking her watch just to make sure they won't run out of time. And she does it unconsciously, regretting every time she catches herself looking at her wrist. Because she knows they're early. She swears she knows. And she wishes she could relax and just enjoy things without that awful feeling rushing through her body. That feeling that turns into a voice and yells at her that she's constantly behind.

Behind what, one could ask, and Aurora wouldn't be able to answer.

She's just… Behind.

Behind, and watching her life go by.

All the damn time.

Harry stops by the table, and Aurora mimics him. She drops her bag and falls on one knee, pulling up the hem of her dress and uncovering her foot. The Nike sneakers she's wearing used to be white once, but now they are just old and dirty, and she loves them even more like this. She nibbles the flesh inside of her bottom lip while tying the shoelaces up, then changes to her other knee, and repeats the process.

Once she's done, she stands up and pats her legs, getting rid of any airport floor dirt from her clothes.

"You're fast," Harry says, putting his foot down from the edge of the table.

Aurora pulls the fabric of her dress up her chest and furrows her brows. "I am?"

"Hm, yeah." He frowns with amusement and chuckles. "You sure are."

"Huh." She wiggles her eyebrows up and down, then quirks the corner of her mouth up.

Maybe, she should point out that perhaps she isn't fast, but he is too slow. Or that, unlike him, she'd organized everything beforehand so she wouldn't waste any second longer than she absolutely needed to. But what good would that do? Besides, those thoughts don't even feel like hers. They don't sound like hers.

So she says nothing, instead, and steps closer to where he stands.

Harry gives the tray they're sharing a gentle push to her side, and puts his other foot up.

Aurora promptly slides the tray closer to her and places it in front of her belly, next to her bag.

Great.

Saying nothing was a bad idea, because silence is awkward now.

She licks her lips and keeps her attention on their belongings, not knowing exactly what to say.

Time goes by, though, and the longer she waits, the more awkward it gets.

So she decides to just say whatever, just to get them talking again.

"Perks of being a mom, I guess." She blurts out, then grabs their passports and shrugs. "Being fast, I mean."

Harry leans on his bent knee and looks at her over his shoulder, blindly tying up his own shoes.

"Yeah? Why's that? You get any super speed powers when you're pregnant or something?"

Aurora freezes for a second, passports still in hand. She turns her head to the side, and narrows her eyes at him.

Harry's soft lips are pursed, his green eyes are twinkling with playfulness, and his cheeks are tinted with a boyish flush under his facial hair. He's clearly having fun with his own silly comment, and it causes Aurora to break into a short laugh — not because it's funny, but because she simply can't help it.

She shakes her head, and looks back at the tray.

"I rush to get ready so I can pay attention to Noah, okay?" she explains, grabbing the boarding passes and checking the names on them. She puts hers inside of her passport, and the other inside of Harry's. "It's not a big deal."

She'd never thought about it, but it's the truth — she is usually busy keeping an eye on Noah, even from a distance. The little monster can't stay still for too long, and no matter how much she adores how energetic he is or that she tries her best to let him explore things by himself, the truth is that he's still only four, and she can't leave him wandering around unattended.

Which is why she fought so hard to sign him up for preschool — it gave her time to slow down and do other things, too.

Okay. See? That — that right there — is Aurora's truth. That's a thought that feels and sounds like hers. A thought that she came up with on her own, based on her own experiences and her own mistakes. A thought that reveals how she's learned that taking care of Noah is her responsibility, and that if she doesn't pay attention to her son, nobody does.

No matter how much she dreamed it would be different.

No matter how much she believed it should be different.

"Ohhh," Harry says. "Ok, then."

She sticks her passport and boarding pass into the front pocket of her bag, maybe a little bit more forcefully than she needs to.

"Exactly. So don't judge me."

"What?!" Harry laughs, putting his foot down from the table. "I wasn't—"

"I can't leave my son unattended, can I?"

"I—I know, yeah." His face falls, and he nods. "I get it. That's… It makes sense. Yes."

"Right. Great."

A second goes by, and then another one, and another one.

Silence settles again, but this time Aurora isn't worried about it being awkward or not.

There's just… So much going on.

Her heart is thumping loudly inside her chest, and her ears are buzzing.

She shouldn't have snapped at him.

It wasn't about him.

It wasn't his fault.

She pinches the tip of her nose and breathes in. Slowly, and steadily.

One more time.

Slowly.

And steadily.

And then, she moves again.

She holds Harry's things in her hand and leans on the table, reaching for his bag. Before she touches it, she looks at him over her shoulder and asks, "Do you mind if I open your bag?"

Harry doesn't answer, though. He's tilting his chin down and shaking his leg, making sure his pants are properly covering his ankles.

Aurora purses her lips and straightens her back, then slides his bag across the table and pulls it closer to her body.

Now everything's in front of her, the tray caged in between both duffel bags.

She bites her bottom lip, but it's hard to stop her mouth from turning into a smile.

Maybe the speed in which she moves isn't an inconvenience, after all. In fact, maybe it even comes in handy, because apparently if she doesn't move for both of them, someone will sooner or later shove them away.

"Harry," she insists.

"Hm?" He looks up. A frown crinkles his face — his eyebrows are pulled together, his forehead is puckered, and his lips are curled downwards. As soon as he meets her eyes, though, his shoulders drop, and he shakes his head. "Sorry."

He scratches his jaw, dragging his nails over his stubble.

Aurora stretches her arm, and pats her hand on the edge of the table, where his feet were a minute ago. "It's fine. I was just asking if it's okay to put your passport inside your bag."

"Oh! Yeah yeah, sure. Go ahead. Thanks."

"'Kay," she says, already unzipping the front pocket and putting things away.

Aurora rolls her shoulders at the same time Harry moves closer, and she unthinkingly snatches his belt from the tray and hands it to him.

"Here."

"Oh," he murmurs, grabbing it from her fingers. "Thanks."

He steps away, but there's something in his voice that somehow catches her attention, and Aurora turns her head.

She glances over her shoulder, and peeks at his face.

Harry is looking down again, chin pressed against his chest while he takes the end of his belt and puts it into the first front loop of his beige pants. His movements are casual, but he's holding back a smile, and Aurora can tell his mind is working on something.

Something silly, to be more specific.

She curls her mouth up, then raises her left eyebrow. "What?"

Harry tugs his belt, threading it through the second loop.

"What?" he repeats, and his mouth finally turns into a grin.

She turns her body towards him, then places one hand on her waist and the other spread open on the table, holding up her weight. "C'mon, out with it."

Harry laughs, slightly bending his knees and throwing his head back. "I didn't even say a word!"

"Well, you didn't have to!" She rolls her eyes and chuckles, backing away from the table to put both hands on her hips. "I can see you're thinking something."

He shakes his head, looking down and threading his belt through the next loop.

"Harry…"

He peeks at her through the corner of his eyes, then focuses back on his belt.

"You're aware you can leave me unattended, right?" he asks, keeping a bright smile on his face and the light tone on his voice.

"What?"

"I mean I don't mind." He shrugs, eyes still on his current task. "Gotta admit it's kinda cute to see you like this."

"I don't—"

"My favorite part was probably when you cleaned up the table."

"I—" Aurora closes her mouth, and exhales through her nose. "You put your feet there, Harry."

"I did, yeah. And you cleaned it up."

"Well, someone has to clean up your mess, don't you think?"

Harry glances at her, and smirks as mischievous and suggestive as he can be. "Oh, I always clean up my mess, love, don't worry about it."

He winks, and Aurora gasps.

"Oh my God!"

She turns to face the table, feelings her cheeks getting warm.

Harry laughs, though, so she steps closer to his side and nudges him with her elbow.

"Shut up."

"'Kay mum."

"Ughhh." She rolls her eyes, then shuts them tightly and takes a deep breath in. "You're so annoying."

Harry's laughter only grows louder, and Aurora shakes her head, blinking her eyes open again.

It only takes him a moment to calm down, but the smile is still obvious in his voice when he speaks again.

"I know. I'm just teasing you, tho. I'll stop now. I promise."

Aurora snorts. "Yeah, right."

She believes his words as much as she believes Noah when he promises he will eat his entire dinner if he gets to eat dessert first.

The thought brings a smile to her face, and she bites her lip to hold it back.

Peeking inside the tray one more time, she finds several rings, a bracelet, a watch, and three necklaces. Her mouth twitches, and her chest trembles with amusement — no wonder why Harry took so much longer than her to get through security.

She pulls the string of her necklace from the tray, takes each side to the back of her neck and quickly clasps it back to its everyday place. Next, she grabs her watch, and puts it on just as fast around her wrist.

"Well," she starts, then looks at him.

Harry is, once again, deeply focused on his task — his chin touches his chest, his eyebrows are pulled together, and he's biting his bottom lip.

"All yours now," she adds.

Harry peeps at her through the corner of his eyes, his hands still attached to his belt as he finally reaches the last loop. He darts his vision to the tray, then back at her, scanning her chest, her wrist, and her hands. "You sure? All of it?"

"Mhmm."

A group of people walks to their table, and Aurora takes a step aside to give them more room.

"Ok." He buckles his belt, then fixes his shirt. "We can go, then."

"Oh. I didn't mean to rush you."

He smiles, putting one hand inside the tray and carelessly collecting everything that's left inside.

"You didn't." He closes his hand into a fist, then shoves everything inside of his pocket. "It's just getting crowded here. C'mon."

"Hey, was my joke inappropriate?"

Past security and turning right, the hallway is significantly less hectic than any other area Aurora has walked through in the last hour or so.

It is probably one of the brightest, too.

"Hm?" she asks, tilting her head to give Harry her full attention. "Sorry, what joke?"

"About… Y'know, cleaning up my mess."

"Ohhh." Aurora laughs, then waves him off. "Please, it's nothing any of you guys haven't joked about before."

"I know, but… Things are different now, aren't they? Don't want to make you uncomfortable, or, well, don't want to be disrespectful to your hus—"

"You're fine," she says, cutting him off before she'll be forced to either correct him or say nothing, implicitly letting him believe there's still a husband in her life. "Don't worry about it. Let's stop here so you can put your rings back on, yeah?"

She points to one side of the hallway, and walks in front of him to guide the way. It only takes her a few steps, then she places her bag by her feet and turns around.

When she looks at him, she finds him frowning.

Frowning and frozen on the spot.

"Harry, hey!" She raises one hand and wiggles her fingers. "C'mon. I'll help you."

Harry's face softens. He shakes his head, then walks towards her while putting his hand inside of his pocket.

Leaning against the white wall, Aurora watches him come to a stop right in front of her, then drop all of his jewelry on top of her spread open palm.

"Thank you," he murmurs.

She finds his sight again, and a smile blooms across her face. "Sure, no problem."

His lips curve into a smile, too, and he looks down. He shakes his head and pulls his hair back, then turns his attention back to the items on Aurora's palms. He seems meticulous about which ring goes where, fiddling with them and hunting for specific ones. Eventually, he grabs three at once, and puts them on his pinky, middle and index left fingers.

Aurora raises her chin and rests the back of her head against the wall, comfortably watching his relaxed face as he towers over her.

From what she remembers, jewelry was never Harry's thing. Long hair and skinny jeans? One hundred percent. But the necklaces, the rings, and the bracelets? Those were things she'd no idea he'd be into. Or maybe not to the point of making them part of his casual look to the airport.

"So," she teases, easing her dry lips with her tongue then forcing her voice to sound exactly like she imagines a reporter would sound like, "Harry, would you say you enjoy wearing rings?"

Harry darts his eyes to her, and the expression on his face never falters, holding a serious and unamused demeanor as he moves his lips to say, "Bloody hate them."

She presses her lips together, but then she snorts, taking her free hand to cover her mouth.

Harry shakes his head and grins, changing hands and catching two more rings to put on his right fingers.

"Why? What's wrong with my rings?"

She sighs and shrugs, calming down from her brief moment of foolish, silly laughter.

"Nothing. 'M just teasing you."

He places the last two, and pulls the two golden strings from her palm.

"Hmm…" Harry nods. He fixes his eyes on the jewelry and frowns, eying the many tiny knots that had formed along the necklaces. "Great, then. Glad you're having fun at my expense."

Aurora drops her jaw.

"You were making fun of me two minutes ago!"

Harry chuckles, although he's distracted by his attempt to untangle his necklaces. "Guess I was, huh."

He shakes his head, and Aurora steps away from the wall, getting closer to him.

"Which wrist do you wear this one?" she asks, lifting her hand and his bracelet.

"Left—I mean, right," he answers, and although they don't look at each other's faces, they both smile at the same time.

Harry remains focused on the knotted strings between his fingers, but stops moving when Aurora curls one hand around his right wrist and pulls it closer to her face. In one quick movement, she clasps the item around it, then taps his hand twice.

"All done. Now gimme that."

She snatches the necklaces from him, and observes carefully before undoing the mess. One of the golden strings is longer than hers, but they're both just as delicate, and instead of a disk, one holds a cross pendant, and the other a tiny, thin tag. She bites her lip and patiently fiddles with the pieces of jewelry, taking her time to unwrap the tiny knots.

Things are quiet. Time ticks without a hurry. And after a minute, or maybe two, or three, she grins proudly, and lifts her chin to look at him.

"Look!" she says, even though she doesn't have to — Harry's already looking at her, already watching her. "I've done it!"

He blinks a couple of times, then nods, slowly mimicking her smile and her excitement. "Y—You did, yeah! Thanks."

"You're welcome." She grabs the longest string, picking each side with one hand, and takes a step closer to him. "I find untangling necklaces weirdly therapeutic."

Harry widens his eyes. "What are you doing?!"

Aurora rolls her eyes, and chuckles. "Calm down. I'm not gonna kiss you, don't worry."

"Right. No, yeah, I know that." He chuckles, too. "Of course."

She stops moving and tilts her head, then raises her hands. "I mean, can I?"

"Wha—" Harry takes a step back. "Kiss me?!"

"Harry!" Aurora shrieks, also taking a step back and away from him. "Oh my God, no!"

She looks at him for a moment, taking in his bulged eyes and raised eyebrows. He looks mortified, and there's so much going on at once that she can't help but burst into laughter — at the misunderstanding, at the look of his face, but also at the terror in his voice.

She turns away from him, throwing her head back as laughter breaches from her chest.

"This is… I can't…"

"Sorry," Harry says, "I just—"

Aurora shakes her head, feeling warmth radiating from her chest throughout her entire body.

"Oh my… Oh my God." She places one hand on her stomach and brings the other to her face, fanning herself while taking a deep breath in through her nose. "You should've… You should've seen your face… Oh God… Harry… You panicked so hard, I just…"

She wipes a tear from under her eye, and takes another deep breath in, working to calm herself down.

"I never… I never thought the idea of kissing me could… Could be that terrifying for someone. Oh God."

Harry sighs. "Auri…"

She turns around, and looks at him with the biggest smile on her face, her body still shaking from laughing.

Harry isn't happy, though. Or at least he doesn't seem to be. He's narrowing his eyes, and furrowing his brows. His lips are pressed into a hard line, and his forehead is puckered.

And just like that, Aurora's laughter fades away.

Shit.

She's too familiar with that dynamic, so she clears her throat and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry. I—I know it wasn't funny. I just… I think I haven't laughed this hard in a really long time, so I just… I got carried away, I guess. I'm sorry. But I shouldn't—Sorry."

"Listen, I didn't—"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

Actually, Aurora doesn't know. Of course she doesn't know. She has absolutely no idea what he was about to say, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She's been there before. And she's been there before so many times that her mind and body don't even know how to react any other way. How not to anticipate the humiliation and shame that is about to follow. How not to completely shut off.

Thankfully, Harry seems to get it, because he nods, grabbing his necklaces from her hand and putting them back inside of his pocket.

And this time, Aurora doesn't say anything about it, grabbing her bag from the floor and feeling ready to move on.

"Do you mind if we take a look around some of the shops?" Aurora asks, pointing around the World Duty Free and breaking the silence that settled between them for the past few minutes.

Harry moves slowly next to her, keeping his hands inside of his pockets. "'Course not."

"Thanks." She makes sure to curve her mouth into a smile, then stops at the first shop to take a look at the makeup.

Things are quiet, but Harry stands right behind her all the time, keeping her company while she brings a lipstick closer to her face to check the color shade, and then following her steps when she moves to a different shelf.

"Hey," Aurora says, looking over her shoulder, "what's your cologne?"

"Hm..." He scratches his jaw and shrugs. "Depends on the day, I guess."

She nods, then turns to face some nail polish, aiming for the brightest options.

It's been a while since she's done her nails. She used to love looking at her hands and seeing them colorful and filled with rings, it used to make her feel beautiful and delicate. Feminine.

Zack used to love it as well, though, and to be honest at some point she stopped doing a lot of things Zack liked. Just because.

"Which one are you wearing today, then?"

"Why?"

She shrugs. His voice is right behind her, but Aurora doesn't turn around to look at him.

"'Cause you smell really nice."

Maybe she could do her nails in Italy… Maybe one of the girls brought something with them.

Or maybe she could get something herself…

The orange shades look nice…

She sighs, and steps away from the shelf.

She can't. She shouldn't spend her money like that. She needs to be more careful now, especially since she spent a lot of unplanned money on that trip to Italy.

She turns her head, wiggling her eyebrows at him. "So…?"

Harry clears his throat. "Uh… Well… It's Guerlain."

Aurora twirls, holding her bag close to her body as her hair and dress follow her brisk movement.

"Cool! Let's find it, then."

She walks away, and Harry's low chuckle echoes behind her.

Although she can't see him, she feels his presence all the time, following her pace.

"What for?" he asks.

"I don't know." She shrugs, looking from one side to the other. Scanning all the tiny duty-free shops. "I'm bored, I'm tired… Oh! There it is!"

Her pace quickens, and so does Harry's.

Aurora only stops when she's in front of the Guerlain shelves, and then she turns around, staring at him with a smile on her face and pointing her arm to the many colognes displayed behind her.

"Which one is yours?"

He clears his throat, and—

Wait, is he blushing?

Aurora purses her lips, holding herself back from laughing.

"It's L'Homme Idéal Extrême."

"Hmmm." She wiggles her eyebrows, and pulls one corner of her mouth up in a smirk. "Sounds sexy…"

"Jesus Christ," Harry grunts, hiding his face behind both of his hands and shaking his head.

Aurora laughs at his reaction, tapping his shoulder twice before turning on her feet and looking for his cologne.

"What happened to you in the States, huh?" She leans down, squinting to read the names. "Never thought I would see Harry Styles getting all shy in front of me."

It takes him a moment to answer, but eventually he mumbles, "I've always been shy in front of you."

Aurora pauses for a moment, replaying his words in her mind. Images of them hanging out together pop up immediately — at the pub, at someone's apartment, after class, over the weekend. His cheeky glances, touchy hands and bold comments are always present, one way or another. He always craved attention, and people had no problem granting his wishes.

It never bothered her, because he was young and had just joined university, but it certainly didn't paint him as a shy and reserved person.

A snort leaves her mouth. "Yeah, right."

She stands, and puts her hands on her waist. "What was the sexy name again?"

"L'Homme—" He sighs. "It's this one."

Aurora turns around, only to find Harry standing in the same place they were a minute ago. The shelf next to him is filled with bottles of the same cologne. Apparently, his cologne.

She gasps.

"Harry!" She walks towards him, and Harry shakes his head in soft laughter, scratching the back of his neck. "I was standing right next to it and you didn't tell me!"

"It's just a very common cologne, Auri." He laughs, again. It sounds kind of shaky, though, and she frowns, stopping on her track. "I don't… Why are we looking for it?"

Uh…

Well… To be honest… She doesn't have an answer for that.

She doesn't know why they're looking for it. She is just joking. She just wanted to pass the time because she is exhausted, and because the longer she spends around people, the more afraid she is of falling apart at any moment. She thought maybe she could try it on, see if his cologne would smell as well on her skin as it smelled on his… Who knows… She was just… She wasn't thinking, okay? She was just being her stupid self.

Harry, on the other hand, isn't just messing around. Harry looks actually nervous.

Her jokes are making him nervous.

She is making him uncomfortable.

In the middle of an airport, filled with people.

Shit.

And she's done it twice now.

First with the necklace… Now with the cologne…

Fuck.

How many more times till he reaches his breaking point?

How many more times till she finally pushes him through the edge?

How many more times till she puts him in a position where he won't be able to stop himself from snapping at her?

Her hands shake, and her stomach quivers.

"Yeah, no, I mean…" She shakes her head and smiles at him, closing her hands into fists and placing them behind her back. "You're right. Sorry. I—I'm really sorry. Hm… I think I… I should get a coffee."

Harry flinches his head back. "Wait what?"

"Coffee. It'll keep me awake." She walks around him, and Harry follows her movements.

"Auri, but what… Hey! What about my cologne?"

She waves it off. "Yeah, I know. I was just being annoying."

She moves towards the exit of the duty-free, where all the departure gates are, and another yawn breaks through her lips.

"Yep." She chuckles. "Definitely need some coffee."

"Auri," Harry calls, catching up with her. "Hey, stop. C'mon. Something just happened."

"What do you mean?" Aurora laughs.

She flexes her fingers, curling and uncurling them. Her eyes wander around the airport, looking for a coffee shop.

A coffee shop.

She needs a coffee shop. She needs to get herself together. She needs to busy herself with something before she does something silly and stupid again.

"I… I don't know. Why did you change your mind?"

Harry walks next to her, and she offers him a smile.

"About what?"

"What do you mean about what? About my cologne, Auri!"

Aurora flinches.

"Sorry. Yeah, no, right. The cologne. Yeah. I just… I made you uncomfortable and I was being childish. Sorry."

"I wasn't uncomfortable, Auri, I just—"

"I know."

"Auri, no, listen—"

"Harry." She turns around and smiles, then places one hand on his elbow. "It's fine. You don't need to explain yourself. I just… I really, really need a coffee right now. I haven't slept all night, so… Yeah. I'd just like to get a coffee. If you don't mind."

She lets go of his elbow, and Harry sighs.

"Ok, yeah. Let's get you some coffee, then."

They walk forward, side to side, and Harry speaks again.

"Do you still drink caramel coffee?"

Aurora widens her eyes.

"Wow… That's back from… Well, a long time ago."

It's small, and kind of timid, but Harry smiles, and then shrugs. "Used to get you one at least once a week, didn't I?"

"You did, yeah." She smiles back at him and nods, then faces forward again. There's a coffee shop only three stores ahead, and it seems to be already open. Thank God. "To be honest I can't remember the last time I had one. I drink plain black coffee now."

Harry nods, and they both walk in silence, side by side — always side by side.

It shouldn't be uncomfortable, but Aurora's chest is heavy, and her mind seems foggy.

Truth be told, she thought she would have more time before she started disappointing her friends, before letting them know how much she's changed and how uninteresting she's become.

Meeting Harry at the airport got in between her plans, though. And she could feel herself breaking little by little each second. Having to face the memories of someone she used to be, someone she liked to be, but also someone she isn't anymore. And someone she can't be anymore.

Looking at her feet, she bites the inside of her lip. She was acting like a child at the duty-free, wasn't she? Jumping around, excited about his cologne…

God. She hasn't even left the country yet, and she's already ruining things.

She needs to control herself.

She isn't a teenager anymore. She can't embarrass him. She doesn't want to embarrass him.

"Do you want something to eat?" Harry asks, and she stops walking.

They're in front of the coffee shop, but Aurora wouldn't have realized if it weren't for him.

She shakes her head. "No, I'll just get myself a coffee."

"Let me get it for you."

What?

She takes a step back. "Absolutely not."

Harry's smile falters, but he doesn't give up. "C'mon… Like the old times! Yeah?"

"No, Harry. I mean, thanks, but no. I can pay for mine."

"I know you can pay for yours, I don't—"

"Please." She shakes her head and looks down to the floor. "It's just a silly coffee. I can get it for me. Okay?"

Harry frowns.

"Ok? Yeah."

Aurora nods, looks at the shop, then back to the floor. "Are you getting anything?"

"No, I'll just wait here."

"Okay," she whispers, forcing a smile before turning around and walking away.

It's crazy to see how much Harry has changed.

That's all Aurora can think about while she stands in line and watches him type on his phone.

He's still outside, waiting for her, and seems deeply engaged with his conversation, frowning while his fingers move rapidly.

No more black skinny jeans, no more vintage t-shirts or Chelsea boots. No more curls that are longer than her own hair. No more thin shoulders nor skinny arms.

His baggy pants — wide legged, high-waisted — are beige, his cute shoes are yellow, and she still can't get over the flamingo shirt he's wearing.

He looks older, too. Brooding features, chiseled cheekbones, growing stubble. His face is perfectly carved, his traces have hardened, and there is something very manly about the way he stands there, focusing on typing on his phone.

It isn't just his physical appearance, though. He acts like a grown-up, too. There's something about the way he simply exists that screams how much he's changed. You would never tell the man standing outside is the same boy who used to make stupid bets with his roommates from uni. But it's clear that Harry isn't a boy anymore, and that he's turned into a man.

And Aurora wasn't prepared to deal with that.

Aurora lowers her chin and rubs her eyes.

She is being ridiculous.

Why would she need to be prepared for that?

Of course Harry grew up! How old is he now, anyway? 29? 30? Of course he isn't the same anymore.

She should focus on how nice it is to see him again, not about stupid things.

Who would've thought she would actually meet him at the airport? Who would've thought they'd end up sharing the flight? Standing in line with him, hopefully getting some seats next to each other… She should appreciate having a friend by her side. That's all.

Aurora can't remember why he stopped hanging out with the group, though, and now she can't stop thinking about it. She has absolutely no idea about anything that could be going on with his life. It was as if Harry had grown more and more distant with time, until he wasn't there at all.

She's still pretty sure the last time she saw him was at her and Zack's wedding. She remembers someone telling her he'd moved to the United States, but why wasn't she at his graduation? It didn't make sense. Especially considering how, around a year later, he was kind enough to send them a basket when Noah was born.

They weren't the closest friends, and they were in very different stages of their lives when they met, sure, but they were part of the same group, and she used to have a soft spot for him. Just like she used to have a soft spot for Niall.

Usually, when they were all at the pub, everyone would leave and the three of them would stay behind, chatting and laughing until Aurora felt her lids closing by themselves and they would walk her home. They both used to make her laugh all the time, and she actually loved spending those moments with them.

Until she met Zack, of course, and then she started spending her nights with him.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it wasn't about him. Maybe she had grown more and more distant, until she wasn't around anymore. At all.

She knows it's something she's done with everyone else, at least. The girls would knock on her door from time to time, though, and she couldn't run from everyone whilst living in the same city, but Harry flying overseas was a different situation. So it makes sense they didn't keep up with their friendship.

It makes sense, but it still bothers her.

It bothers her because she forgot how easy, and fun, and electrifying it was to be around him. She forgot how affectionate, attentive, kind, and friendly he was. She forgot how spontaneous and cheerful she used to be with him. She forgot how much she enjoyed his carefree and easygoing way of looking at life. She forgot…

Well, to be honest, it's like she just forgot about him.

And how could she forget about him?

Harry used to be such a great friend.

Just like Niall.

But somehow different.

Because there's something about the way Harry looks at her that she never found in Niall's eyes. It has something to do with Harry's curiosity, probably. How much he cares about details. How he likes to know more about people, about things, about everything.

"Next?" the lady behind the counter shouts.

Aurora shakes her head, and darts her eyes away from Harry.

She has no idea how much time she just spent staring at him. She didn't even notice she was doing it, to be honest. And she can only hope he didn't notice, as well.

The woman behind her taps her shoulder.

"That's you, miss," she says.

Aurora widens her eyes and steps forward. "Oh, yes, sorry… Hi!"

Their flight is delayed.

Aurora laughs, and rubs her fingers on her forehead.

"And I was worried I'd be late," she murmurs.

They've been hanging out by their gate for at least half an hour now. Harry sits next to her, their bags placed together on his opposite side. He's leaning back comfortably, arms crossed on top of his abdomen and legs spread open in front of him.

He nudges her arm with his elbow, then asks, "What was that?"

She shakes her head and waves him off with one hand, then double taps her phone with the other, lighting up the screen.

It's 6:30.

Noah should be waking up by now. Or at least Zack should be trying to wake him up.

She unlocks her phone and opens up the app to text him. She takes a deep breath in, and her fingers hover the screen. She needs to be careful with her words, because she doesn't want him to think she doesn't trust him with Noah. That would be unfair with him. And it's not even about that. Of course it's not! She knows Noah's safe with his dad. She swears she never questioned him as a father. Whatever happened between them as a couple would never change the fact that Zack loves Noah to death.

Aurora knows that. Really! The only reason why she wants to know how they're doing is because Noah has never woken up at his dad's new place, and because she knows what a long and emotional process it can be to wake him up. That's all.

She bites her bottom lip, and types the same questions again and again, until she's happy with the way she's phrased them.

Hii!

How are you guys doing?

How was Noah's first night over there? Did you guys have fun?

She sends the messages, and reads them over. And over, and over.

That was good, wasn't it? She sounded friendly, right? She wasn't attacking him, right? He wouldn't be mad at her, right?

"I'll be right back," Harry says, getting up from his seat. He moves past her quickly, looking at his own hand and sliding his finger through the screen of his phone before taking it to his ear. "Hey… Yeah, I know… No, you listen to me…"

Harry doesn't sound happy — at all — and Aurora frowns. She watches him walk away, blending between people, then glances back to her phone.

No signs of Zack yet. Which is fine. Of course. It's not even been a minute. Actually, Aurora is usually so absorbed by Noah in the mornings that she doesn't check her phone until she drops him off at preschool. So it's fine. Really.

Hopefully he'll be able to make him have breakfast by 7:15, though. Otherwise they won't get there on time. Should she remind him of that? No, that's stupid. Zack is not stupid, and she always drives him insane for reminding him of the obvious little details.

Maybe he won't even take him to preschool. Maybe he'll drive him over to his parents, instead.

Or maybe she should just trust him. Maybe this would be the time he'd follow through with a promise he'd made.

Another yawn sneaks up on her. She slides down on her seat and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands.

Maybe she should accept Harry's offer and take a quick nap on his shoulder. She brushed the idea off minutes ago, but now she can't deny it sounds really tempting.

God… How is she supposed to spend two days on a yacht? She's never been on one before. She also hasn't been around all her friends in a very long time…

Is she going to be able to interact with them? Because if they're expecting her to act the same way she used to before getting married… Well, they'll be extremely disappointed.

The only thing about Aurora that'll resemble those old days are the clothes Maddie packed for her.

Shit. Oh shit. Oh… Fuck! Her clothes. No, no, no. Shit! She is going to kill Madison.

She can't wear all those clothes in front of Harry! There is no fucking way she'll walk in front of him in a bikini, or wearing those silk and backless dresses. There is absolutely no fucking way she's going to wear those tops that almost don't cover her breasts in front of him.

Well, not just in front of him, of course…

She's thinking about Harry because he's the one with her right now, but she doesn't want to wear those clothes in front of anyone. Not just him.

It isn't even about the people, really. It's about her body. A body that has changed a lot through the years.

Oh, boy… She needs to sleep. She can't start spiraling about how unsexy she's been feeling for years. It's not the moment for that. It's not what the weekend is about.

"Are you sleeping with your eyes open?" Harry's low and deep voice sounds right next to her ear, and Aurora jumps on her seat.

Harry chuckles behind her, then makes his way around her seat.

"Shit," she murmurs, taking her hand to her chest, but a shaky laugh still leaves her mouth. "You scared me."

He stops in front of her and furrows his brows, then tilts his head to the side and curves his mouth into a cheeky smile, narrowing his eyes to look at her.

"What?" she asks.

He doesn't move, though.

And he also doesn't stop staring at her.

Aurora shifts on her seat.

But the staring still doesn't stop.

"Harry!" She chuckles, and looks away.

And he still doesn't even flinch.

Oh, c'mon! That's ridiculous.

It's like going back to university, honestly. He used to do the same when they were younger, usually at a pub or a club. He would stare at her like that until she stumbled over her own words, or until she forgot what she was about to do. He thought it was hilarious, but she never understood the point of it.

"Knock it off, will ya?" She crosses her arms on top of her chest and rolls her eyes. "I was just thinking."

Harry (finally) laughs, face lighting up again — with dimples and wrinkles and almost fully-closed eyes.

He moves his arm, and puts a paper cup in front of her face.

Aurora snaps her brows together.

"Sorry, love, I was just testing my skills," he says.

Aurora flinches her head back.

Why is he shoving that cup in her eyes?

And also… "What skills?"

He shrugs. "Y'know, to rile you up just by looking at you."

Harry presses his lips together, as if he can't wait to burst out laughing.

And Aurora knows that face, because Noah does the exact same thing. The cheeky little monster loves to surprise her, but he can never hold up a lie. He gives out the entire thing just by looking at her with the same excitement on his face.

They honestly look the same. Except Noah is only four, and Harry a thirty-year-old man.

"Ha ha," she mocks him, looking away from his silly face. "You and my four-year-old son would be great friends."

"Aww!" Harry takes his seat next to her, chuckling and throwing an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to his side. "I'm sure we would."

She rolls her eyes.

Harry squeezes her cheek against his chest, and she's so close to his body that she can smell the soap and cologne emanating from his skin. He smells good. Like a fresh shower. It's a nice combination, something both strong and smooth at the same time.

Shit.

She pulls away, and shakes her head.

"It wasn't a compliment," she murmurs.

Harry chuckles.

"Yeah, I'm aware of that." He withdraws his arm from around her shoulders and takes it back to his side, then puts his hand back in front of her face. The one holding a paper cup. "Now, this is for you."

Aurora raises her eyebrows.

"And what's this supposed to be, exactly?"

"Just try it."

She doesn't make any movement to acknowledge his request, but Harry also doesn't make any movement to hint he'll stop shoving the cup on her face. Eventually, she sighs, and her entire body falls.

"Harry…"

"Oh, c'mon! Just a sip. Amuse me, yeah?"

Aurora glances at his hand, then back at his face. She presses lips together, then finally uncrosses her arms and lifts one of them to reach the cup, curling her fingers around it.

For the sake of not ruining her mood, she ignores the way he cheers, or how he grins proudly before leaning his back against the backrest of his seat. She simply clutches the cup between both hands, instead, and its warmth is a high contrast with her cold skin. She can't help but hum at the feeling, and then she shivers, even her chin trembling a little.

A timid chuckle escapes from her mouth, and she closes her eyes. She brings the cup up to her face and puts her nose close to the lid, breathing the flavor in.

And just like that, her chest tightens.

The smell is unmistakable, a combination between coffee and caramel that she would recognize anywhere, anytime.

She blinks her eyes open, and turns her head to look at him.

Harry is watching her attentively, without any traces of amusement or playfulness surrounding him anymore.

Aurora blinks a couple of times, gathering enough strength to ask him, "Did you… Did you get me a caramel coffee?"

He nods once, only one side of his mouth lifting up. "Yeah."

She looks back at the cup in her hands, and blinks again.

"Why?"

"I don't know," he says, softly. "Intuition, maybe. I know you already had your black coffee, but I… I don't know. I felt like you needed it? I don't know. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds stupid. Is that okay? Hope I didn't—"

She nods rapidly — unable to speak, but also desperate for him to stop explaining himself.

And thankfully, he does.

Aurora doesn't know what to say about it, though. She doesn't even know if there's anything she can say about it.

His words don't sound stupid to her. That's for sure. The thing is that Harry doesn't understand the meaning his gesture actually holds, which scares her. He was able to pick up on something she needed when she wasn't brave enough to admit it to herself in the first place. And it was something so trivial… It was just coffee. Coffee.

"Noah does that sometimes, y'know," Aurora murmurs, looking at the mass of people in front of them. She hunches down a bit, not bothering by her awful posture as she comforts herself with the hot beverage in between her hands. Changing the subject is the only way she knows how to answer him right now, so she keeps going. "Sleeping with his eyes half open. It freaks me out."

Harry hums.

"There's a name for that, isn't it?"

His voice is as soft and calm as before, and Aurora nods.

"Yeah, nocturnal something… I don't know. I always forget the stupid word." She rolls her eyes, and a humorless laugh leaves her mouth, making her body shake. "How do people even choose these names, huh? Why bother naming it if it's gonna be some ridiculous word no-one can even pronounce?"

"That's… Yeah, I don't know. You have a point, though."

"Sorry," she whispers, looking down at her lap. "Zack drives me insane using all those terms all the time. Makes me feel stupid."

Harry doesn't say anything, but for once the silence between them doesn't feel uncomfortable.

She exhales the frustration out of her body, taking the cup to her mouth and sipping carefully in case it burns her tongue.

The coffee touches her lips, and its sweetness automatically invades all of her senses. Her tongue tastes the caramel, and there's something bitter behind it, but it is mostly mellow and buttery. Just like she remembers it.

And just like that, she's remembering all of it.

She's flooded with memories from the comfort of home, and about the fun of living. Memories with simpleminded thoughts and unpretentious actions.

She's back to a place where she isn't scared of speaking her mind all the time, where she isn't afraid of letting people down by her silly behavior, where she isn't terrified of her personality being the embarrassment of those around her. She's back to a place where she knows her friends and family like her for who she is, and where she's proud of her because of that.

She's full of affectionate touches, sincere words, and genuine feelings.

There's confidence inside her, and an entire world she's willing to find out.

And when she finally gulps down the simplest sip of caramel coffee, warmth takes over her throat. It reverberates through every inch of her body, and she shivers — her body filling with goosebumps as she closes her eyes to the paradoxical feeling.

A moment passes, and the weight of a soft textured fabric lands on her back.

"Before you say anything," Harry's deep voice murmurs next to her, and she opens her eyes to look at him. "I'm not wearing it. And it's driving me insane seeing you so cold, so please just wear it."

Aurora glances at her shoulders, finding Harry's checked jacket covering her skin. It feels good, and it feels warm. And she actually doesn't mind it. At all. But there's something about the way Harry has just talked to her that flies directly into Aurora's heart.

Maybe it's the softness of his voice. Or maybe how worried he sounded. Or maybe the fact that he seems to pay attention to her. Or maybe just because he acts as if he knows her so well. Even after so many years without talking to her. Or seeing her.

Or maybe it's just because she's already on edge because of the damn caramel coffee he bought especially for her.

She doesn't know exactly what it is, but something in his words triggers her into instantly tearing up. She can't help the overreaction, and before she can figure out a way to hide it, the evidence of her crying falls down her cheek, and she's taking a hand up to wipe it off her.

"Auri, hey…"

Harry's hand lands on her back. The last push she needs to turn into an emotional wreck. A sob bursts out of her chest, and she covers her mouth. Oh my God.

"Auri, love, I'm sorry… Did I… I can get the jacket back, I didn't—"

She shakes her head and puts the coffee between her thighs, then takes both hands up to her face. She uses her palms to wipe down the tears from her cheeks, and a long and shaky sigh leaves her mouth.

Harry takes the cup from between her legs, putting it down on the floor before shifting closer to her. His knees bump into the side of her thigh, and the hand that isn't on her back brushes softly her jaw, getting rid of another tear.

"I'm… I'm sorry," she whispers. "You're fine. You didn't… You didn't do anything wrong."

The last thing she wants is for him to see her like that. They haven't seen each other for so long… She doesn't want to welcome him back to her life with tears and drama. She also doesn't want him to feel guilty about something that has nothing to do with him.

"Ok…" He sounds wary, and while one hand rubs circles on her back, the other grabs her hand. "What's going on, tho? What can I do to help?"

Once again, Aurora shakes her head. "I'm… I'm fine. I think I'm just… I'm just exhausted from not sleeping last night."

It isn't a lie, but it also isn't the truth. She doesn't want to admit how lonely she constantly feels, because she wants to learn how to be alone. It doesn't make sense to ask for help when all she wants is to learn how to not need help.

"Why didn't you sleep?"

"It's nothing. Really… Don't worry about me, I'm just being dramatic right now."

He strokes his thumb up and down on the back of her hand, and Aurora sighs, leaning into the warmth of his jacket.

Warmth. Apparently that's all she craves now.

"Of course I worry about you, Auri. And I'm here if you need anything, ok?"

She nods, but his care for her brings another wave of tears, and she hides behind one hand while the other holds tightly onto him.

"C'mere," he murmurs, dragging the hand on her back to her shoulder and pulling her to his chest.

She can't believe the amount of times she's been hugged by him in merely a couple of hours, but she doesn't fight him. In fact, she does quite the opposite: she snuggles into him and cries quietly. And when Harry squeezes her shoulders, she squeezes his fingers in response.

"Talk to me, love, please. What's going on?"

She sniffs. "Nothing…"

He rubs her arm, softly and tenderly, then carefully adds, "I don't wanna force you, but I can tell something's up and I'm worried about you."

Aurora shakes her head, feeling the desperation in her body slip out of her mouth as she cries to him. "Please don't... I don't want… I don't wanna worry you, ok? I really don't. I don't want to bother you. I'm just… Overreacting. I'll be fine. I'll be—"

"Auri, that's not—"

"Yes. Yes it is. It's just—"

"Stop doing that," he says, squeezing her shoulder. "You keep shutting me off every time I try to explain myself."

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I'm sorry—"

"Auri—

"—I'm so sorry—"

"—It's okay—"

"—I really am—"

"Auri, hey!" He pulls back, grabbing her shoulders with both hands and forcing her to look at him. His eyes are warm and caring as he stares inside hers, but there's a frown all over his face that screams something different. Annoyance, perhaps? Or maybe… Frustration? "Listen to me. It's fine, ok? There's no need for you to apologize. It's fine."

She squeezes her eyes shut, shaking her head. "No…"

"Yes, it's fine, Auri."

"It's not—"

"Yes—"

"No!" Aurora opens her eyes, but tears quickly blurry her sight. She blinks, and before she knows it, she's fully sobbing and crying again. "It's not fine! Ok?! I'm not… I'm not fine, Harry. I'm not! I'm falling apart and I just… It's like I can't stop… And I just… I hate it, ok? I really do… I keep letting everyone down. And I… Fuck… I have no idea how… How am I supposed to spend the entire weekend…. The entire weekend pretending my life isn't a mess right now? I just… I can't… I can't pretend… I'm not… I can't…"

There's only a beat of silence before Harry pulls her into his chest again, squeezing her shoulders while he takes a long, deep, and heavy breath in. Then exhales loudly through his nose.

"I don't know what's going on with your life right now," he says softly, resting his chin on the top of her head and closing his eyes while she sobs into his chest. "And I know I haven't been around, but I'm here for you, ok?"

And just like before, Aurora melts into him. She hugs his waist, and leans against his body despite the uncomfortable and public position they're in. Crying all the tears she's been holding in so far. Silently sharing with him all the hurt, the doubts, and the insecurities she's been feeling. All the blaming, the questioning, and the yelling she's been hiding. Letting him absorb the wreck she is turned into after six years of marriage. All the failures. All the mistakes. All the countless "should've done better", and also "should've tried harder". She lets it all out. With no hold backs, nor regrets.

"And you don't have to pretend, Auri," he adds. "At least not to me. Not even a little bit. Never… Why would you even pretend, huh? I can't be there for you if you don't let me know your life's a mess, and I want to be there for you. You know I do, yeah?"

Aurora can't answer him, not when her body's turning everything inside her into tears and sobbing, but he doesn't seem to be waiting for any words. Nor reactions. He rubs her back gently, while still holding her tightly, and then just keeps talking.

"Besides, I don't expect anything from you, so—I mean, wait… That's not—Shit. That didn't sound good."

And despite everything, despite all the pain and all the tears and all the fears, a soft and low chuckle escapes from Aurora's chest.

"That came out wrong… It's not—It's not what I wanted to say. Because of course I expect things from you, like… You're brilliant. You're amazing. You can do amazing things if you want to, ok? I know you can. What I meant is that—That there's no pressure, y'know? That's all. And that no matter what you do or what you say, nothing will change... I mean, I haven't been around, but you don't have to pretend things are good if they aren't, y'know? I'll be your friend even if… I don't know… Even if everything's falling apart… Actually, I want to be there especially when everything's falling apart, ok? So yeah, I just—Jesus Christ." He sighs. "Fuck. Auri please tell me you know what I'm trying to say here because I'm just freaking myself out right now."

Aurora's chuckle turns into laughter, and she nods against his chest, taking one hand up to her face to wipe off the last few tears.

"I do, yes." She clears her throat, trying to get rid of some of the scratchiness. "Relax. I got it from the beginning."

Harry smiles and sighs again, squeezing her shoulders. "Could've said something, huh? Stop me there. Save me the embarrassment, maybe?"

"You said I kept cutting you off when you tried to explain yourself, so…" Aurora shrugs.

"Ohh, I see. Okay." Harry laughs. "We should work on your timing, then. Smartass."

She smiles, and sniffs. "My timing's perfect. It was cute, and I was having fun."

"Of course you were."

Although she can't see him, the smile is obvious in his voice, and she sighs. A long and heavy sigh. One that's strong enough to relax her entire body, and that makes her close her eyes and drop her shoulders.

"Thank you," she murmurs, still into his chest.

"Yeah," he murmurs back. "Anytime, love."

There's a pause between them. And then Harry speaks again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, to be honest… At least not right now."

"Ok…"

Another pause, and then…

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

She takes a deep, long breath in, then exhales while snuggling into his chest.

"Can we just… Stay like this for another minute? Just… Y'know… In silence?"

"Hm… So you want me to shut up, is that it?"

Aurora chuckles.

"Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but…"

Harry chuckles, too.

"'S fine. I don't mind. We can stay like this for as long as you want."

And so they do.

They hug for a while. In silence. A tight embrace that's simple, but that's also intense enough to let her know that he's there for her.

Aurora can't remember the last time she's been held like this, with honest tenderness and affection. The kind of hug that she doesn't question, and that comes naturally. That feels natural.

"This was supposed to be a fun weekend," she murmurs, curling a little bit more into him and closing her eyes to avoid facing the world. "Can't believe I'm seeing you for the first time in years and already bringing all this drama to you."

Harry chuckles lightly.

"Don't be silly, ok? We've been over this already… We're friends and this is what friends are for." He kisses the top of her head, and then rests his cheek against the same place. "Besides, we didn't leave London yet. We can still have plenty of fun."

Aurora sighs. "God. I really need to have some fun. I miss having fun."

"I'll make sure you get more than some."

He squeezes her shoulder, and Aurora smiles.

Still with her eyes closed, and pressing her ear against his chest, she listens to his heartbeat, and to the way he breathes. He isn't calm, but he is steady, and somehow comfortable. So she focuses on him, and only him. As if mimicking his rhythm, or syncing with his pace, could make everything in her life feel better.

Harry sighs against her, and when the thumping inside him gets faster, she pulls one arm from around his waist to rest her hand on the left side of his chest. She spreads her fingers open where his heart is, and breathes in and out slowly, hoping to calm him down again.

He takes one hand to her neck, sliding it to the back of her head and tangling his fingers with her hair.

As he scratches her scalp, Aurora can feel every muscle of her body fully relaxing. It's soothing. And it's safe. There's no other place she would rather be right now, and she's convinced that, as long as she's holding him and he's holding her, she'll finally relax and rest like she hasn't been able to in so long.

"Have you always been such a great hugger?" she asks, her voice as soft and as slow as her body feels.

Harry clears his throat, then murmurs, "I don't know."

Aurora hums.

Another moment passes, until she breaks the silence again.

"I'm sorry for being a shitty friend."

"You're not a shitty friend."

"But I am, tho. I have no idea what's going on with your life… It's been so long and I… I never reached out."

Harry sighs, and shifts on his seat.

Aurora follows his movements, making sure the hug doesn't end even when he seems to be pulling away.

He doesn't, though — pull away. He simply leans back on his seat, pulling her along with him. And because she's still comfortable against his chest, she doesn't see the way his face falls, how he presses his lips together in a hard line, or glares at random people passing by.

"It's fine," he eventually says.

And she's so focused on her own past behavior, that she also doesn't notice the slight change in his voice.

"It's not, though."

"I never reached out either, did I? And I should have… I just… I should have."

She fidgets with the fabric of his shirt, and although it takes her a moment to answer, the words fly easily out of her mouth. "I'm not sure if it would've made any difference, to be honest… I've pushed everyone away, would've done the same to you."

"There's no fucking way I would've let you."

"It wouldn't be up to you, tho."

A ding-ding-dong blares from the speakers in the lounge area.

"Attention passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Boarding is for business class and passengers with…"

The attendant's voice fades as Aurora stops paying attention to it. She blinks her eyes open and, against her wishes, pulls away from Harry's arms.

"Finally," she breathes out.

When she looks at him, she finds nothing but honesty and affection inside his eyes, and it's enough to make her heart skip a beat.

She curves her lips into a smile, then brings her hands up to wipe the dry tears from her cheeks. "Thank you."

Harry smiles, too. "You've said that already."

"I know." She nods, dropping her hands back to her lap. "I just… Thank you, really. For now and… And for the coffee. Even though I forgot to drink it."

He takes one hand to her face, and puts some of her hair behind her ear.

"We'll have time for another one," he says, then stares into her eyes again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah…" She gulps down, captivated by his gaze. "I think… I think it'd be nice if we could catch up, right? I mean, there's so much about you that I don't know…"

Harry smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes.

"There isn't anything crazy to know about me."

Aurora furrows her brows.

"Well I don't need crazy information, Harry," she scoffs, making sure the tone of her voice is carrying some playfulness while she rolls her eyes. "I just wanna know what's up with your life… Where do you live? Do you have any dogs, or cats? Where do you work? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have any kids? Are you married? I don't know…"

Harry stares blankly at her for a moment, then looks away, reaching for their bags.

"Those are too many questions, love."

Aurora shrugs.

"Well, yeah…" She leans down and picks up her coffee. The cup feels cold, and although she's sad she didn't get to drink it, she wouldn't change anything about what happened in the last… Well, however long it's been since they got here. "I know. I'm curious. That's why I said it'd be nice to catch up."

She stands up and rearranges Harry's jacket, putting it on properly so it doesn't fall from her shoulders, then waits while he stands as well, picking their bags from the seat next to his.

"Ok, yeah. Sure. We can catch up."

"Wow." She snorts and widens her eyes. "Calm down, now. Don't sound sooo excited, please."

Harry laughs. He puts his own bag on his shoulder, and she takes hers from his hand.

"I'd love for us to catch up, Auri. I really would."

"Okay…" She narrows her eyes at him, putting her bag on her shoulder and walking towards the line. "Are you hiding something from me?"

Harry follows her, grabbing his boarding pass and passport from the front pocket of his bag. "Why would I hide something from you?"

"I don't know…" She throws the coffee cup away, then adds, "Maybe you're working with the FBI. Or, maybe you're married to someone who works for the FBI. Ohhhhh," — she widens her eyes, looking at him while he leads their way to the gate — "or maybe, you're married to someone who's being investigated by the FBI!"

Harry chuckles through his nose. He sneaks his hands inside Aurora's bag, pulling her boarding pass and passport from it.

"There's no FBI involved, I promise," he says, handing her the items.

"Hmmm…" She grabs her things from his hand, and nibbles her bottom lip before asking, "But you're married to someone?"

"Nop."

"Okay… Dating to someone?"

He shakes his head, and Aurora nods.

"Are relationships a touchy subject, maybe?"

Harry smirks, and that's more than enough to give Aurora an answer, but she still waits for him to say something.

Anything.

"I broke up with someone not too long ago." He shrugs. "So I'm not in the mood for relationships right now, to be honest. And that includes talking about it."

The line moves quickly, and they take a step forward.

"Oh, sure. Yeah. I get it. Of course." Aurora nods. "I'm sorry, tho. Y'know, that it didn't work out."

He shrugs, and they walk again.

"'S fine."

The shift in his behavior is loud and clear, and it bothers her. The idea of someone breaking Harry's heart deep enough for the pain to overshadow his excitement and dull the brightness of his smile doesn't feel right. So it bothers her. It really does. Whoever it was, he surely deserved someone much better. He surely deserves someone better.

A flight attendant welcomes them with a grin and a cheerful good morning. Aurora smiles back, and hands him her passport and boarding pass, then waits for him to return them. He wishes her a safe flight, and repeats the same process with Harry.

Aurora waits for him in silence, and once they're both ready to walk through the airgate, she picks the conversation back on.

"I'm sure you'll find someone, y'know? It won't be that hard. You're still young, and dating was never a problem for you, so…"

There's a pause, and then Harry snorts. "Dating was never a problem for me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y'know… That's what you, Niall and Jayden used to do all the time, wasn't it? Dating and… Flirting and hooking up with everyone?"

Harry stops walking and turns to stare at her in silence, with widened eyes and flared nostrils.

Aurora stops, too, biting her lip to hold back her amusement while waiting for him to say something.

He doesn't, but he eventually laughs, throwing his head back and making her fully smile at him. He shakes his head, and starts walking again.

"Jeez, Auri, I'm so offended right now."

"Oh c'mon…" She chuckles, following his steps. "I meant it as a compliment, okay? Like… Girls were always into you, that's all."

"Not all girls, though."

"Fine." She shrugs. "Ninety-five percent of them, then."

He snorts again. "Ok."

"How old were you when we met? Twenty? Twenty-one?"

"Nineteen."

"Oh shit, really?"

"Yeah, it was my second year. Why?"

"Nothing. I think… For a moment I just forgot you're so much younger than me, that's all."

"C'mon, not so much, I'm almost thirty now."

"Well, yes, but I'm thirty-five."

"See? Same age."

She chuckles. "We're not the same age."

"Ok, but almost."

"Not even close, Harry."

"Oh c'mon! Then what are you now? Ancient? Should I call you grandma?"

She chuckles. "Well… I do feel ancient, to be honest."

He rolls his eyes. "This is ridiculous. You're just as young as I am."

She shakes her head.

"Yeah, I mean, I know that… But I don't know… I mean, talking to you right now I don't feel like you're younger, y'know? Let alone that much. But also—"

"It's not that much."

"No, I know. But if you think about it, I already got married and I have a four-year-old at home, so like, I really am too old and—What?" Harry is frowning at her, and she tilts her head. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shrugs, then faces forward, away from her. "I'm trying to decide if I should kick your ass right now or just throw you into the ocean later."

She gasps, but then she chuckles. "What? Whyyy?"

Harry raises his eyebrows at her. "I'm only five years younger than you, Auri. Five. It's not even a big deal."

She sighs.

The line in front of them moves, and they move forward as well.

"Sorry. You're right. Like I said, it doesn't feel like it right now, but I think… I don't know. When you were 19 and I was 24 it was different, yeah? I mean, we were in different stages of our lives. I was meeting Zack and you were—"

"Yes, I know. I was there, remember?"

She swallows down, and nods.

"Sorry," she repeats, much softer this time.

Aurora walks in silence, staring at the plane at the end of the hallway.

She pretends to ignore the way Harry keeps glancing at her, or how he rubs the back of his neck, or how he rolls his shoulders. She knows she bothered him, and the idea of causing a scene when they're about to get into a plane feels terrifying. She should've kept her mouth shut, that way she wouldn't have them put them in that situation. Again.

It's like she's been riding on a rollercoaster she never knew she would get into in the first place. Going through multiple sudden changes of speed and directions. Slowly climbing a steep slope and painfully anticipating the fall before she actually drops directly into the ground. Holding herself during the unexpected tight turns and sharp curves, and gasping for air at every inverted loop. Experiencing the ups and downs of gravity as she's weightless and happy at the top of the hill, then all of a sudden her own personality is pushing her back down to reality. And by the end of it, the back of her throat hurts, her stomach feels funny, and there's just heaviness all over her body.

"Hey," Harry calls.

He shifts his bag from one shoulder to the other and puts his arm around her, pulling her closer even though they're still walking. He kisses the top of her head, and keeps his lips there as he speaks. "'M sorry. Shouldn't have cut you off like that."

Aurora shrugs. "It's fine."

"It's not. We were just joking and I… I took it personally, 'm sorry."

He kisses her head, again, and her lashes flutter.

She knows he's sorry, but she doesn't know what to say to him. She knows how easy it is for her to forgive when she shouldn't, and how many times in the last six years she believed in empty apologies.

So although she knows, she isn't sure she can trust herself.

She hasn't been trusting herself for a while now.

A new flight attendant welcomes them into the plane, and they both pull away from each other.

Aurora walks in front of Harry, and she does her best to smile genuinely at the cheerful woman that's wishing them a good morning and a good flight.

She holds the strap of her bag tightly on her shoulder, and walks through the narrow carpeted aisle, focusing on the numbers and letters above the seats as if she's looking for specific ones. She pauses here and there for other passengers that are getting settled, and it's only past the emergency door that Harry speaks again.

"Should we sit here?" he asks. He's pointing to the opposite side where she's facing, so she turns around, finding three empty seats.

"Okay."

She nods, and tilts her chin up to check the space to put her bag. Harry is quicker, though, because he is already closing his fingers around the strap on her shoulder and pushing it away from her arm.

"I'll put our bags together, yeah?"

She doesn't want to fight him about it, so she simply thanks him with the best smile she can offer and allows him to easily grab her duffel bag.

She slides through the two empty seats to reach the one by the window, not waiting any longer to secure the seat belt and make herself comfortable. Once she's settled, she clasps her hands together, and takes a deep breath in. Her chin trembles, and she looks down, biting the inside of her cheek. She doesn't want to cry again. She really doesn't want to cry again.

Also, she needs to sleep. She must get some sleep. There is absolutely no way she is going to handle spending the entire day awake, and if she doesn't sleep now, she'll only get an opportunity again at the yacht — meaning she won't get to spend any time with her friends.

Harry sits next to her and puts his own belt on, then turns off his phone and shoves it into his pocket. Aurora doesn't look at him, but he turns sideways anyway, leaning his shoulder on the back of the seat and blocking them from any possible curious eyes.

He grabs one of her hands from her lap and takes her fingers to his mouth, placing a long kiss to her knuckles before sighing.

"Auri, love," his voice is soft, and a whisper for only them to hear, "I really am sorry."

She nods, taking her free hand to wipe a tear before it could roll down her cheek.

Shit.

"Please, don't cry."

"Mhm."

"Auri… Look at me, please."

She shakes her head, then. Because she knows that she'll fall apart all over again if she looks at him.

God, she's so tired.

"I didn't…" she murmurs, then takes a deep breath and tries again. "I didn't mean anything bad by the age thing… I promise."

"I know that, love. Of course I know," he says, pressing another kiss to her hand. "Fuck. I know. We were just joking. And I'm not mad about it, I promise. I mean, I was actually a stupid hormonal teenager back when we met, so yeah… You're right, things were different. But please, Auri, I hate that I made you cry just because I… Shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It wasn't about you, I promise."

She stares at her knees and nods, because she knows he is. And she also knows she can trust him, which is probably why she — finally — honestly blurts out, "I keep messing everything up, y'know? All the time."

He brushes his thumb on the back of her hand, then murmurs back to her, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just… I keep letting everyone down, and I hate it, but it's like I can't stop it. And I mean, to be honest I don't… I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to have so much fun, and I felt so different about life… And I treated people around me so differently… And now I'm just… I don't know… I don't know why I say things, or why I do things. I don't know what I want, or what to do with my life… And I feel so… Lonely… All the damn time. But I get why I'm lonely, y'know? I mean it's true that I don't know how to be anything else besides being Noah's mum. And I'm so insensitive to other people because of that, and I keep saying things I shouldn't and I just… I look back and I realize how I pushed everyone away… How I… I don't know, I'm so tired of this. I'm just so tired of myself."

There is a pause between them, mostly because Harry's waiting for the people in front of them to settle and stop prying at their conversation.

It's good, though, because it gives her time to catch her breath again.

And then, Harry leans deeper into his seat, still holding tightly to her hand.

"Is that how he made you feel?"

Aurora furrows her brows. "What—Who?"

"Zack. Is that how Zack made you feel?"

"I… No! Why—I mean, I'm just… I'm talking about myself."

"Auri, c'mon… I know you're talking about yourself, but I can read between the lines."

She closes her eyes and takes her hand up to her face, rubbing her forehead while she prepares herself to just keep blurting out what her mind is begging her to tell him.

"I think…" she says, dropping her hand back to her lap and blinking. "I think he really messed me up, y'know?"

Harry sighs.

It takes him a moment to say something. A moment that feels really, really long to her.

And then…

"Fuck." He puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his chest, murmuring while resting his cheek on the back of her head, "I'm sorry."

She shrugs, snuggling into him and searching for his heartbeat, just like before.

"'S not your fault."

"But I should've been there for you."

"You wouldn't have known."

"Still… This isn't how it was supposed to be."

God, she's so tired…

Her entire body is heavy, and she doesn't even know what's happening around them anymore. She can't even make sense of their conversation anymore.

Harry feels too cozy, though, and she knows she's about to have the comfiest sleep of her life — she can feel it.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"I got divorced six months ago."

Harry closes his eyes, then rearranges himself on his seat and pulls her closer to him.

"I know."

"You know? How?"

"Niall."

"Oh. Okay?"

"I texted him while you were getting your coffee."

She places her hands on his hips, holding her weight to pull away from him.

Harry doesn't let her, though, squeezing her inside of his arms and locking her in.

"Please stay," he murmurs.

And Aurora doesn't fight him. She just relaxes again — she relaxes and listens to him.

"You weren't wearing a ring… And I could tell something was up, so I… I asked him. That's all. Sorry if I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know."

"Oh…" The concept of time is foggy inside her mind, but she's pretty sure a few seconds go by before she speaks again. "'S okay, I guess. I mean… Niall knows about the divorce, but he doesn't… He doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know how bad it was."

"Does anyone know?"

"You?" She chuckles, but it's humorless, because she knows that not even Harry truly knows. "I just… I haven't been able to talk about it yet, or like… Process it, I think. I don't know. I keep justifying him a lot, which I'm learning it's something I shouldn't do."

He makes his cheek comfortable on top of her head, then takes one hand to play with her hair, scratching her scalp. "It can't be easy to go through something like this on your own, tho."

"I know…" She closes her eyes, appreciating his affectionate touch. "My mum's helping me a lot… She had to go back home now, but she spent over a month with me. Makes sure I don't skip therapy… Stuff like that."

"Hmm…" Harry says, and his voice echoes inside her body. "Always liked her. Smart one."

Aurora curls her mouth up. "Yeah…"

Another moment goes by, and Aurora is filled with lightness as her body slowly drifts into sleep.

"Thank you for telling me this, Auri."

"Mhmm… It's weird… To like, talk about it."

"I'll always listen. Whenever you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thank you… 'M really tired, tho... And I think my brain is going to explode…"

Harry chuckles. "Get some sleep, yeah? I'll wake you up when we're about to land."

"'Mkay." She hugs his waist, and nuzzles against his chest. "Can't believe this all happened and we didn't even leave the country yet."

"Tell me about it."

"Mm… 'Kay… I'll sleep now… You're comfy… And I think… I feel drunk…"

Chuckling again, Harry presses a kiss on the top of her head, then slides down a bit on his seat, and she cuddles a little bit more into him.

"Ok love," he says. "You can relax now, I got you."

And although Aurora doesn't answer, she knows he does.

She doesn't need Harry to wake her up.

Her brain drifts back to consciousness by itself, slowly making her aware of her surroundings way before the plane is even close to landing.

She's warm, because of Harry's arms wrapped around her shoulders, but also because of his jacket covering her body. Her face is pressed against his shirt, and once again she's breathing from his skin. He still smells good — like a fresh shower — but now it's also mixed with a little bit of sweat, so it's somehow even better than before.

It's hot. He's hot. Her insides feel hot.

She's also comfortable — so, so comfortable. It feels like she just took the best nap of her entire life. Like she's enveloped by a sense of calm and peace, a feeling that she doesn't want at all to end. Snuggled into his chest while his fingers keep playing with her hair, tracing random patterns on the back of her head. The movements are sweet, sweet enough to tempt her to go back to sleep. And she almost does.

Except she can't. Not anymore.

Because above all that, she can tell she's also kind of desperate. Clingy. Needy. Hugging his waist as if their flight landing in Italy depended on how tight her grip is. Both of her legs over his left thigh. His strong, firm thigh. She's holding onto him like a baby koala. A troubled one. A baby koala that's craving to be held by someone. Anyone. And as if she's terrified of the idea of being left behind while her mind shuts off from the real world.

And maybe she is. Who knows.

She always liked to cuddle, and she hasn't properly cuddled in a really long time, so it's not a surprise. Still, it very quickly becomes embarrassing, and certainly not how Harry imagined things to go when, earlier in the airport, he offered his shoulder for her to take a quick nap.

He offered his shoulder, not his entire body, for fucks sake!

So, against all wishes, Aurora stirs and groans — mostly because her mind is battling between sleeping for just two more minutes or acknowledging the reality of the world she's in — then pulls away from him.

"Hmm…" She takes her hands up to her face, and rubs the last traces of sleepiness away from her puffy eyes, then sits back on her seat. "What time is it?"

Next to her, Harry moves as well, withdrawing his arms from around her shoulders and placing his hands on his lap.

"Must be around ten thirty now… Last time I checked was ten fifteen."

He sounds calm, so calm that she can't make any emotion out of his voice, so she turns her head to look at him.

Harry looks fully awake. Well rested. Peaceful. Soft. The only sign of him turning into her personal pillow are the wrinkles all over his shirt, but everything else looks… Perfect. Like heaven. He looks like heaven.

"Hi…" He curls one side of his mouth up, and Aurora smiles, too.

"Hi…"

Only then it occurs to her that she's been staring at him, and she looks away, taking her hands to smooth out her hair then fix her dress.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nods, and takes his jacket off, instead using it like a blanket to cover her chest.

"Um, yeah… I did. Thanks. And thanks for… You know… Letting me crush on you? I mean, it probably wasn't comfortable for you, so… Yeah, thanks."

Harry scoffs, shuffling down on his seat and spreading his legs as wide open as he can.

"Are you kidding me?" He takes both arms up and places his hands behind his head, resting on top of the palm of his hands. "You're a great cuddler. Went straight to my top five of all time."

The playfulness is clear in his words, which is why Aurora chuckles. Still, one question is loud and clear inside her mind: who are the other four great cuddlers? And most importantly, why isn't she his favorite one?

The thoughts bring an uncomfortable feeling to her stomach, and she shifts on her seat.

"That's kind of you to say, but you should see me during winter in the middle of the night… I'm like a baby koala and it's not a very pretty sight."

"Huh." He smirks, and lifts his eyebrows. "Is that an offer?"

Aurora snorts and rolls her eyes, feeling her cheeks burn before she looks away. "Shut up."

Harry laughs, and just like that, everything between them goes back to normal.

Getting into conversation with him is easy. Neither of them have seen their friends in a while, so they distract themselves by reminiscing old stories and laughing at silly things they used to do together. They also talk about Italy, about how neither of them have been to the country before, and how it's been a dream of both of them. They bond over small details, and find connections over silly things. And it's exactly what Aurora needs, as she finds out after minutes and minutes of light conversation and genuine giggles.

It is only when they're about to land that her face falls again.

Fully awake, the airplane movements become way more obvious than they did when taking off. And as soon as the belt sign goes on, and the pilot announces they're about to descend to Naples, Aurora's heartbeat speeds up.

She straightens up and leans her back fully against her seat, looking through the window at the bright sky.

"Are you ok?" Harry asks.

"Mhm…" She nods, and doesn't take her eyes off from the view. "Just… I don't like this part very much, that's all."

"Wanna hold my hand?"

It is a nice offer, but one she doesn't think she should accept. So she doesn't. And as the plane gets closer and closer to land, every movement becomes even more clear. When it shakes, when it turns, when it's getting ready to touch the ground.

She holds herself until the last minute. She holds herself tightly and firmly. Until it becomes too much, and one specific up and down of the airplane has her reaching for his hand.

It's like Harry is already waiting for her, to be honest, because she finds him quickly. Her sweaty and cold palm meets his warm one, and she turns her head to look at him.

He's already watching her, and as soon as their eyes meet, his face lights up with a smile.

Her belly quivers, and her chest tightens.

"It'll be over in a minute," he says, squeezing her hand.

She nods, and swallows down, because it's the only thing she can do right now. She knows what he's talking about, and she knows it's true — they'll land, and everything will pass.

Although something tells her that, whatever she's feeling right now, will not go away. It won't be over in a minute. It won't be over even when they're out and away from the plane.

In fact, she's starting to believe that, as soon as Harry is next to her, looking at her like that, the fluttering in her stomach will never go away.

if you've made it here, say caramel coffee :')

also, thank you for reading.

dani :)

PART THREE

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles au

148 notes · View notes

variousqueerthings · 6 months

Text

something very aromantic coded in s2 of good omens is that crowley and aziraphale canonically take their cues of what a certain kind of relationship ought to look like from books and films. firstly, very relatable, I did much the same thing throughout my teens (and in some ways still do although I'm not trying to make myself "fit" by taking cues that I've been studying to be the correct way to do a relationship, I just enjoy performing them in the same way all life is performance when you're not-doing-body-and-relationship-to-other-bodies correctly inherently)

secondly, how it plays out in them messing unintentionally with nina and maggie. they don't understand the structure of nina's and maggie's whole thing as it applies to the reality of relationship structures in the world they're in; that nina is initially in a romantic relationship and wouldn't just jump from it -- no matter how bad -- straight into another one that was presented as "more" correct. because of course standing under an awning or dancing at a ball makes people "fall in love" (whatever that is) because... well, that's how it happens in the stories all the time, that's what these sorts of relationships are all about, "one fabulous kiss and we're good" -- it's a shock to crowley that he misread all the cues "you were crying and she was..." isn't that what this romance thing is that humans are always talking about????

thirdly it of course eventually circles around to be about what in the world their relationship is, but when they're trying to figure out what's going on between the two of them, there aren't any words that can neatly sum it up beyond "us" -- whatever it is, it's "us" against "them" (although aziraphale isn't quite ready for that) -- the them being heaven and hell of course, but to be honest, from an aro perspective, the "them" takes on certain human connotations to me as well, because it's all about how these two don't fit into structures and are punished for this not-fitting-in, and while they're not punished by the humans around them, they also aren't... human. they still operate somewhat from the outside of everyone else, even though aziraphale manages throughout history to create a fair few connections from the sounds of things

similarly to how they do it to nina and maggie, they try on these tropes with one another: aziraphale invites crowley to dance, crowley kisses aziraphale, and it doesn't fit quite right (the first because crowley is concerned with all the demons outside and so isn't paying as much attention to the dancing part of the whole thing, and the second because [insert another bunch of analysis here that's its own post]), but they've already been us the whole time. their attempts at explaining using alloromantic shorthand fall short, because they're hampered by needing to define themselves and their relationship with terminology that's suitably correct for whatever dominant structures they're in

fourthly, the fact that their cues for what their relationship needs to be shouldn't even really be coming from movies/books and humanity in the first place, it should be coming from gabriel and beelzebub. gabriel and beelzebub don't even try all of that "this is what romance is," they don't call one another romantic or kiss or even say words like partner, they're not interested in doing human-based customs or "fitting in." their language for one another is based around that song, and that's as much defining as it needs. whatever aziraphale and crowley are to one another is equally all their own thing, but aziraphale and crowley struggle with definitions constantly. they don't fit into heaven, they don't fit into hell, and humanity -- while more the place they've adopted for all its wild wonders -- isn't quite right either, because they're still being put in a box

it was fun to look out for as I was rewatching, because the way they interacted with alloromanticism really did read like two people who have exactly zero idea of how this applies irl, but that's okay, the fiction's got it handled, all they have to do is copy-paste = result, but then the stuff that actually is the romance in those texts becomes a series of contextless tropes, kind of like how amatonormativity often has those exact same tropes recycled in story after story that can't figure out why it worked the first time but not the next hundred times, except in this story it's on purpose. one fabulous kiss did not in fact solve things at all (nor was it fabulous)

#good omens #anthony jemima crowley #crowley #aziraphale #a/c #aziracrow #been going forwards and backwards on whether to tag but i think that's just the struggle we as aros always go through #yes they're ineffable and yes that means they're too big to be described #but a slash will do the trick for now #good omens meta

263 notes · View notes

thejockout · 5 months

Text

A Word On Dumbing Down

In some conversations with my bros @avissapiens and @master-villain the other day, I finally managed to put a specific idea into words that had been crystallising for a long time. Nothing earth-shattering or even transformative, because I'd been exploring this same understanding with different wording for quite a while now, but it felt significant to me and sparked me to make this post.

The realisation was simple: Dumbing Down is not something you can "Do" as a standalone action. It's perhaps more accurate to say Dumbing Down is itself the perspective shift and realisation that "Smart" is something you can choose to "Not Do."

Clunky wording, I know, but pretend it's smooth for me.

(And as a necessary fyi, this post assumes familiarity with Dumbing Down as a hypnotic concept, which is nowadays most often written and spoken about as a general simplification of thought and cognition versus turning you into some drooling doofus. Maybe the latter is your thing, maybe it isn't - either way, I'm talking here about the more "realistic"/AKA sustainable model where the word dumb is synonymous with "so laid back, you don't want to think or care if people perceive you as dumb because of it".)

Too many subjects (myself included) work at hypnotic personality and cognition changes with a straining effort, in an energetically desperate approach. This is understandable - we tend to push hard for things we really want - and anyone can fall victim to it. It's very similar contextually to the trap many anxiety sufferers fall into when they begin therapy. In an earnest attempt to recover, many sufferers approach recovery with the exact same mindset they do life; that of a "fixer", a "do-er", someone who problem-solves and overthinks themselves into knots and runs loops around the same well-worn mental tracks over and over again to the point of exhaustion.

Don't worry, I'm not here to give some big-brain solution to mental health issues. I suffer myself and am on my own journey of recovery, so I'm in no place to play armchair psychologist. But I will speak about this topic as it relates to hypnosis and dumbing down because the overlap of people who are into Dumbing Down/IQ Reduction/Simplification/Bimbofication/Himbofication hypnosis and who suffer with anxiety (and overthinking) is quite high, so chances are that many who struggle with Dumbing Down suggestions are making the same mistakes. Please see my peer-reviewed Paint Diagram below which provides unequivocal, non-anecdotal proof of this.

IMO, there's nothing wrong with this overlap. Kink is an outlet for many people to deal with emotional issues, and often a very helpful coping mechanism. Dumbing Down is no different conceptually. But I'm talking about this because, just like approaching anti-anxiety work with an anxious energy and effort is doomed to failure, the exact same is true for Dumbing Down. Approaching it with an Intellectualist mindset OR in other words, the anxious energy of a fix-er and do-er and try-er is antithetical to the very state you wish to experience.

Does that make sense?

Successful Dumbing Down (beyond the very enjoyable, shorter-term effects of deep trance which feel like intoxication) is effectively the act of stepping back from mental action/the habit of overthinking. To give another clumsy metaphor, if your default mind works like a toy train constantly running around its track, sometimes gaining speed and sometimes slowing down... Dumbing Down comes from realising "hey, I can actually plug this thing out." No, it's not as simple as turning off an appliance, and it takes time for everyone. Overthought (in all its forms, whether anxious or just from over-intellectualising your life) is effectively a habit, and habits take time to make or break.

Therefore, Perspective Shift #1 that you need to make: recognise that thinking patterns and their frequency are ultimately behavioural and habitual, and can therefore be rewired and lessened with time and specific action. It's not an immediate thing - but it is possible, and this is effectively what dumbing in hypnosis is about.

That perspective raises some questions, I know. But I don't want to write about the answers just yet. Reread and consider that last paragraph a few times to make sure you've really processed it. Think about the questions it leaves you with, and come up with a few answers of your own if you can. You can post your thoughts in the comments or reblogs of this post, as I will be taking the time to read through them, and I'll continue this topic in future as I think more on it myself.

Later.

#hypnokink #hypnosis #jockification #dumbing down #jockout

83 notes · View notes

the-final-sif · 1 year

Note

I still REALLY WANT dsmp s2 ;-;

I'll be honest, as much as I enjoy the thought of DSMP S2, I'm actually a lot happier that Dream is putting it down for now, with the idea that it might happen at some point in the distant future.

Like, there's a lot of things at play here.

First and foremost, just on a motivation and mental health perspective, it was pretty clear that DSMP was a really big drain for Dream. After Techno passed away, Dream was essentially carrying all of the major plotlines in some fashion or another. It was obviously really hard for him to do and keep up with, and I'm glad he's putting that down for now.

Second, it's really hard to not take into account how Techno's passing influenced how all of them see the SMP. Lots of different lore SMPs have gone through player changes, but the DSMP is the only one I know where a streamer actually died during it. That can make it really hard to go back to on an emotional level. And I absolutely get why that would play a part in demotivating/making a S2 difficult.

Third, the DSMP was kind of stopping Dream from being able to do other things. It was eating up a lot of his time, and if he tried to work on another major project, join another SMP run by someone else, etc, he was gonna get hounded about why he wasn't working on x plotline on the SMP. Putting it down lets him go do other things without that pressure. And honestly I'm really excited to see the other things he wants to do.

Fourth, I'm going to be entirely honest, I think the DSMP was due for a culling even if there was a S2. There are a number of people on there who got invited at various points that didn't really fit in with the server anymore. Dream moving onto other projects, possibly starting or joining other SMPs, etc. All of that means he can pick and chose who he invites to stuff, bring in new friends and not invite people who he isn't close to and who don't seem to want to spend time with him. I think that's much healthier, and it's something I'm excited for. I want Dream to be able to go back to just playing with his friends.

Fifth, kind of as a cumulative...

The amount of pressure and weight that the DSMP put on Dream in particular, what with how much of the story revolved around him, how other streamers would constantly need him for storylines but wouldn't go start ones without him, how people blamed him for everything that they didn't like, etc, etc. Particularly when Dream didn't even stream or make videos for the SMP. He was doing a shit ton of work for other people, and getting a ton of shit thrown his way for anything people didn't like. And for what?

It was honestly kind of an unfair set up. Particularly with how much people loved to blame Dream for things, or act like he was the only one who had any say in anything. When things go weird/not how fans wanted in the Last Life SMPs, you don't see everyone blaming Grian for it as if he's the only person who has any say. But somehow with the DSMP, Dream took a ton of shit for things that were clearly outside of his control or relying on other people.

All of this accumulated in Dream being very trapped in what he did. Something that's really bad for people with ADHD who tend to do best when we can have several different projects to move between. And who don't tend to do well when there's a lot of pressure for them to work on one specific thing that they may not want to work on.

Dream and the others putting down DSMP S2 for now means that Dream gets to work on stuff he'll actually enjoy. It means he'll get to focus on spending time and energy on people he actually enjoys spending time with. People who are his friends, and not people he hasn't talked to in over a year. He'll get to create brand new things, new SMPs, new characters. And hopefully he'll get to join in other people's projects too! Where less of the workload is on him!

I'm excited for that. I'm excited for Dream to get to do stuff he's always wanted to do, and get to move on to new projects.

I know some people are gonna be really sad about that, but honestly, I'm not. I'm excited to see where Dream ends up going, and what sort of stuff he creates. You might even find that it fills a similar space in your heart to what DSMP S2 might've. Who knows?

#sif answers #Anonymous #dreamwastaken #dream smp season 2 #dsmp #dream smp #dream smp s2

348 notes · View notes

sarnai4 · 2 months

Text

All In

Spoilers ahead for RTTE. I've seen and read a lot of stories, but I only have one character who's been my favorite hero and villain. That character is Dagur because he always went all in on whichever role he's supposed to play. I think the reason is that most characters are written with one particular role in mind. I've seen some who are meant to become heroes, so they never do anything too bad. They can't seem truly evil because they're eventually going to be good guys. Then, some characters have been part of that untrustworthy/villainous side for so long that even when they're supposed to be good, they do shady things that show how they're almost naturally villains. Neither of these happen with Dagur. When he's bad, he's really a villain; when he's good, he's really a hero. I love that.

I've seen mostly two opinions on Dagur. One where he's this monster who would eat kids in their nightmares and one where he's done nothing wrong. I feel like part of what makes him so amazing is that he did have both sides to him. As an antagonist, Dagur pulled no punches. He had the highest confirmed kill count of any human character. On top of who knows how many merchants he killed (since he was very ready to do that), he killed an entire island worth of Vikings. It's not just that either. He's one of the few villains who consistently tries to kill the Riders. When they were caught on the ship, he wanted to drown one of them. When he was fighting Astrid, he tried to dig an ax into her torso. He wasn't even loyal to other villains since he was constantly planning to betray them like with Alvin or the Grimborns. Villainous Dagur was threatening, unpredictable, and murderous. He was also a lot of fun, which made him my favorite baddie. Then, he pleasantly surprised me by turning good.

Dagur didn't have one of those moments where he tried to turn bad again. In all honesty, he couldn't. He'd done so many horrible things as a villain that if he ever did anything even remotely villainous again, no one would be able to forgive him. To put it into perspective, Dagur tried to sacrifice himself for everyone and STILL didn't gain all their trust. Generally, self sacrifice is kind of the most you can do, but since he didn't die, Heather was immediately suspicious of him again when she found him. It's because of everything he had done. So, to make up for how good of a villain he was, he had to be just as good a hero. Dagur became an incredibly selfless good guy.

Hiccup literally yelled that he hated him for leaving him with the Hunters (who technically had only captured the two of them because Hiccup tried to kill Dagur for supposedly poisoning Toothless) and Dagur was on his way to get Toothless to save him. When Dagur tried to sacrifice himself, he had to fight against Heather to do it. He isn't someone who needs someone to care about him back in order for him to protect them. Even in what he thought would be death, Dagur continued to try to help the Riders stop Viggo. Although the gold wasn't his, he still found it for Berk. Even though no one asked him to, he sent Berk willow bark when they didn't have any for medicine. On top of this, Dagur let Gustav (who is basically canonically hated by everyone) stay on Berserker Island at the request of Stoick. I'd say that after putting his life at risk and protecting the Riders, these other actions are necessary, but they show that the little details matter to him. I realize they matter to me too because they really showed me how much being a good person meant to Dagur. At every turn, he tried to do what he could to help his new friends. I truly respect that. He never half did anything. It makes sense. According to him, it's the Berserker way. All in, all the time. Sounds just like Dagur to me.

#HTTYD #RTTE #Dagur the Deranged #Hiccup #Heather #Villains #Redemption

40 notes · View notes

mylovelies-docx · 9 months

Note

I absolutely adore 'Sorry, I love You'! 💖💖💖 This isn't a request, but would you consider writing a chapter or something from Bucky's perspective from right after she left the first time? I just want to see people lay into his ass about how he's acting like a dumbass lol 😆 Thank you for sharing your writing with us all!!! 💖💖💖

I love the idea of y'all roasting the shit out of Bucky for being an idiot 🤣

I do have a future chapter that's written from Bucky’s POV and I think it mentions what he was up to while Reader was gone, but I don't think I wrote anything specific.

______________________________

My HC is that everyone was super pissy with Buck-o for quite a while.

Sam's constantly saying things like, "well, if Y/N were here," and, "why did she have to leave instead of you." "Shut up, Sam." "I'm just saying. I'd rather hang out with her than put up with your sulking."

Nat would constantly be glaring at him and giving him the silent treatment except during training. She'd be giving him shit while landing hard hits to very sensitive areas. "This is for Y/N," and just absolutely rockets her foot into Bucky's groin.

Steve tries to be supportive for his life-long friend, but sometimes he just gets so frustrated with Bucky. "Didn't you talk to your therapists about this? Why haven't you called Y/N to aplogize?" "I'll apologize when she's back, Steve. This isn't something to say over the phone." "... and if she doesn't come back? What would you do then?"

Wanda is younger and nicer than everyone else on the team, so she's not going to be outright rude or try to rock the boat. But Bucky notices that any food she prepares for the other Avengers have cute little smiley faces or fancy toothpicks holding it together but his are plain in comparison.

Tony just absolutely despises Bucky again at this point. Tony really saw you as his younger sister/surrogate daughter and it's all Bucky's fault that you're gone. FRIDAY is constantly locking Bucky out of his bedroom, blasting music at 3am right after he finally went to sleep, and the temperature is always super uncomfortable in his bedroom. Bucky has asked Tony if this was his doing, but Tony never responds.

Bruce, Thor, and T'Challa are away and don't know what's going on. They live on in ignorant bliss of Bucky's assholery.

Bucky finally has to set the record straight with everyone and tell them that he's been working on himself and he feels really really bad about how he treated you. He tells them that he's going to fix it and make everything right with you again. They believe him and lighten up a little. When they figure out that Natasha can't go on the undercover mission with Bucky, he's the first one to suggest bringing you back into the project. Everyone's a little hesitant about throwing you two together again after such a long time, but they're confident Bucky is going to come clean and talk to you.

... Unfortunately they don't realize just how stubborn you both are when it comes to your feelings. You've been burned before and don't want to be hurt again, and Bucky can't quite express himself the way he needs to in order to make you see him as you once did.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #sorry i love you

64 notes · View notes

rubykgrant · 28 days

Note

There's something painfully ironic about them not being able to creatively write Sigma in restoration when that's part of his whole shtick. He's the creativity(/ambition) AI.

Yeah... we didn't get to see enough of it explored during the Project Freelancer seasons, because stuff was getting blended together with what Reds and Blues were currently doing/Epsilon stuff, so there was a lot of missing moments where we had to read between the lines (sometimes I wish things had happened slightly different; instead of going into season 6, we had a solid season of the Freelancers, so our first intro to Wash is him being the dorky Freelancer, and we get more of the other Agents before they had the AI, including a deeper look at Tex. then we'd see the introduction of each AI, and how they interacted with their Freelancer partners, etc- but Alpha is still kept a mystery. when it all falls apart, THEN we get season 6, Mr Serious Agent Washington, the Meta, and the Alpha Reveal... but I digress)

One of the most compelling bits of info we have for Sigma was Price saying- "The Meta wanted to be human". That is SO IMPORTANT. Even before Maine got injured and was paired with an AI, he had been fighting as a soldier who was constantly put in situations where he had to kill, or push himself so hard he might die. He was still a PERSON though (that little bit when Carolina wants him to be a counter-wight and he hesitates, saying it was too high? like, he's risking his life almost every day doing dangerous nonsense, but being this high up makes him nervous! a whole person is in there!). Sigma was certainly manipulative and a little selfish when it came to his own goals, but ultimately, what did he want? The idea of "humanity", in which you could be treated with a certain amount of respect, dignity, and freedom. How can he get that? He knows the Fragments were taken away from Alpha, and Alpha came from a human mind. Which person was that? A man who was willing to let the world burn, as long as he got what he wanted. The Director was Sigma's "role model" of humanity, and Sigma's whole deal was having the ambition to go FURTHER, succeed where others failed. He didn't just turn Maine into a big puppet, he saw what Maine also wanted, and said- let's do this together (also, my person thoughts about becoming the Meta; it is more than just being a "hive mind" in agreement, this is an entirely new "person", not just the combination of others. when the AI were gone, the Meta was gone, and Maine was alone)

Also, Omega was the Rage AI, but I think we can all agree Alpha had PLENTY to be mad about. Without all the information to put this anger in perspective, Omega was just a tiny EXTREME, and thus, not very pleasant to be around. We didn't get to see the first version of O'Malley start to be more vocal until he found a place in Doc (and I have a WHOLE opinion on who Doc was definitely plural the whole time, he's just had a bad habit of ignoring his own negative thoughts, and thus not letting these other parts of himself speak up. Omega may have opened that door, but O'Malley was definitely part of Doc), and as horrible as he tried to be, he was probably a lot more happy when he could just be an obnoxious antagonist. We only get a brief look at the memory of the original Omega AI with Epsilon, and while he was trying to have some fun with anger issues, he still said- "I'm here if you need me". If he has the chance to be accepted, and process all this anger (his own, Alpha's, whoever he is with), Omega has the potential to be PROTECTIVE (and though Tex certainly isn't a frail damsel in distress, the fact that she was really the Beta, and Alpha was worried about her, can imply that Omega always wanted to join her again for similar reasons). Anger isn't just a bad thing, it can be righteous fury, and a natural response!

#ask #answer #red vs blue #rvb

15 notes · View notes

bluegekk0 · 4 months

Text

Like I said, I've been thinking about Grimm and FPK this morning and just. How much they mean to each other, especially from Grimm's perspective since I don't talk about his past as much as with FPK's. It's clear that he's completely in love with FPK, but I think looking at his life makes that relationship even more meaningful. And while it's easy to see that from FPK's perspective, since he was clearly very desperate for an emotional connection all his life, Grimm kept a mask for most of his life, so the effect it had on him perhaps isn't as obvious.

Back when he first created his physical form to interact with mortals, and started traveling around the world, he was incredibly passionate about everything. Discovering new places, new foods, meeting new people and experiencing pleasure of all kinds, it was intoxicating to him. It was what he was looking for, the life in the Gods' Plane was, to put it simply, boring to him. Walking among the mortals was exciting, he wanted to see what they saw, feel what they felt. He was obsessed with it.

But over time that enthusiasm faded. Years and years passed, and he reached a point where it felt like he experienced everything. It was still enjoyable, but that excitement was gone, and above all, he started to feel lonely. All those joys in life and no one to share it with. It changed for a moment when he found love, but unfortunately their mortality got in the way - he couldn't stomach watching his partner age and slowly die in front of him, and he didn't want to force them to join the Troupe. So the relationship didn't work out, and he was once again alone.

In response, he started to seek those pleasures in order to keep himself occupied. That's when he started to hook up constantly (he did it before, but back then it was genuinely something he enjoyed), the dopamine rush made him forget about his loneliness at least for a moment. But it was clear that there was no passion in it, all the joy was gone, and he was all by himself. Yes, he eventually made the Troupe, and they were almost like a family to him, but he needed a soulmate, someone he could share all the joys with and someone he could love with all his heart.

Meeting FPK gave him hope. That strange little king would not leave his mind, whenever he heard him talk, he could sense a similar loneliness, a desire for something more from life. And that hope made him engage in the friendship, which, as it turned out, was a really needed change of pace. It allowed Grimm to slow down and enjoy things he did with FPK, all those peaceful walks in the royal gardens, watching FPK in the workshop and listening to his ramblings, it was everything to him, he cherished every second of it. Of course, he was hoping that one day they could be together, he was in love, he desired him. But he promised himself he wouldn't rush it, that he would build that relationship slowly and relearn the joy of discovering new things at a reasonable pace. And more than anything, he wanted to make sure he was ready to express his love in many ways, not just sexually, like he would with his casual partners. He wanted the relationship to be complete.

But unfortunately it was taken away from him when FPK disappeared. It broke his heart, he realized that, in his attempts to build their relationship at a slow pace, he was too slow, he didn't even confess his love to FPK, and now his love was gone. That heartbreak made him double down on his previous life, it was the only thing keeping him from breaking down. When he wasn't busy with hook ups, drinking and other activities that made him forget about his pain, he would sit alone in his Troupe room and just stare into nothingness, clutching the music box locket FPK once gave him in his hand and listening to the soft tune. He never talked about FPK with anyone, though Brumm and Divine definitely sensed that something was off, so they tried to keep him occupied with different activities. He owes them a lot, but he was too heartbroken to properly thank them at the time. But on the outside, nothing seemingly changed, he tried to maintain his imposing image and hide his vulnerable side from the world. All that pain, he kept to himself.

When FPK returned, he obviously became incredibly obsessed. Obsessed, and paranoid, he was terrified that he might lose him again, that something could happen to him. But they were together, and they finally got a chance at a peaceful life. And over time, Grimm was able to find that old excitement again, that passion for life and everything it had to offer. He started to notice the beauty in the world again, the little things that were once overshadowed by his pain, he finally had someone he could share that joy with, someone to shower in gifts from his travels, maybe even a future travel companion. All those breathtaking views, the impressive architecture, the wonderful foods, he could enjoy them again, knowing that he could take a piece of this beauty and bring it back home to share with his love. Then they had Lewk, after years of trying, a fruit of their love that Grimm became just as obsessed with, and it's no surprise that he suggested another child (or children as it later turned out). Not to mention, Holly and Hornet were like blood children to him, he would do everything to protect them like they were his own. He didn't just find love, he now had an entire family. He finally wasn't alone.

And no one except FPK truly knows how much their relationship changed his life for the better. Only FPK sees him at his most vulnerable moments, with everyone else he keeps the mask of intimidation and his vampiric charm. But that just makes their love that much more intimate. In some ways they're polar opposites, but that loneliness and the need for love brought them together. FPK desperately needed someone to love him and respect his emotions, while Grimm was desperate to share his love with someone else. No wonder they're so obnoxiously enamored with each other.

#your honor i love them so much #they are everything to me #gekko.txt #feral pk au #fpk #grimm #save

20 notes · View notes

pink-strawberry-kissess · 9 months

Note

Rambling Anon again *waves*

I've been thinking about a particular line of dialogue, two actually, and how the repetition of this line relates to Ada's character.

The lines I'm talking about are Leon's "You try to save one person; a hundred others die." v. Wesker's "A hundred will give their lives so that just one may live."

The subjects are similar, but the wording, the tone, and the characters saying these lines make them vastly different and offer vastly different perspectives on the world. Leon has always and continues to be a very selfless person. He is all about saving people, even if he doesn't know them, even if they actually don't need saving, just in case they do. Meanwhile Wesker is all about looking out for #1. We know that he's working on Ouroboros and his whole plan for the next stage in human evolution (RE5) and he doesn't care about the number of casualties.

So Leon gives his line about 3/4 of the way through the game. With Separate Ways out now we know exactly what Ada has been doing up to this point. Her job. BUT her opening narration reflects on the cost of her successfully completing her job, and how she's torn up about this now all thanks to Leon and Raccoon.

Ada has always been an actions>words person. She's very curt and a bit... snarky(?) to the others, but once she learns of Leon's existence in the island, most of the time she's keeping an eye or an ear out for him. In both versions of SW she rings the church bell. Now, in both versions she's at the Church primarily because her mission led her there (Wesker told her to go / Luis said to meet there) but in the remake, she rings the bell because she knows Leon needs help, as opposed to Wesker telling her to do so and it also happens to benefit Leon.

Anyways, so the audience knows that Ada isn't as cold as she presents herself. She's constantly having this little internal war where she wants to be a good person, but her job largely makes that extremely hard. And Ada's "job" isn't exactly the type where you hand in your two-weeks and everyone wishes you well. So she has to look out for herself and also do her job but is trying to find ways in which she can sabotage it without it coming back to bite her.

So Wesker's line at the end of the game is an interesting contrast. Not only in the different phrasing, because while Leon's comment is focused on the fact that he can't save everyone, Wesker's is focused on the saving of the one and I think it's an interesting way of showing Ada's personal conflict with those two sides of her, the side that wants to do good, and the side that has to look out for herself. And in the end, she openly defies Wesker, putting herself at immense risk. Her helicopter was still in range of Wesker's guns. So that is an interesting choice because it contradicts her tendency of self-preservation. Perhaps she thinks that Wesker still thinks she's useful to him, or his tendency to threaten her has gotten old and she's calling his bluff, but I think this decision is a big turning point in her character and, while she's not ready (or able) to leave her career, she becomes more concerned with the impact her actions and her clients have on the world.

Anyways, sorry about the essay. I don't know if I actually got to my point or what, but yeah... thoughts?

HELLO AGAIN BABY

i think it's also interesting to think about the fact that leon's mission is just to save ashley. one person. while it's true that half of the island dies as well. luis too. and as we get further along in leon's life there's more blood spilled because of him.

i really wish we also got a little flashback or something for ada. but the inclusion of her little monologue was good. i think it's also good that we got her understanding of her acceptable of what she's done and that it's true that leon affected her in more ways than one.

okay im ngl

i don't know why people are so torn up about the "reason" why ada rings the church bell. she still does it. SURE she had other reasons why she's up there. but like??? i would argue she has LESS REASON TO RING THE BELL. she's up there for another reason already- she doesn't HAVE to do anything up there. she hears leon "needing help," so she rings it. it just narratively made it so that she was already up there.

anyways i think it's a small non-issue, i don't know why people were upset. it still fits in line with helping leon and her reasoning isn't THAT MUCH DIFFERENT.

i think (and i've been saying this for MONTHS probably years) is that capcom is focusing on ada's "redemption arc" as soon as possible. we saw glimpses of this in re6. but they really want to pound it into stupid people's brains that she's not evil, never has been.

we have to remember that SURE leon is stuck in a life he never wanted

BUT ALSO ADA IS TOO.

Ada's stuck in a life she never wanted.

i think that the ending is interesting and opens up to see the repercussions of ada's choices. that even if she "does the right things," bad things still happen. we have to remember that morally good choices can STILL LEAD TO A BAD ENDING.

this is why i ask people to question why characters do things and IF THEY'RE ACTUALLY MORALLY GOOD OR NOT. characters like leon who are characterized as "the good one" HAS MADE SEVERAL bad decisions that are BAD AND MORALLY WRONG, but had lead to a good ending. that DOESN'T NEGATE THE FACT HE DID A BAD THING.

similarly ada "choosing to do the good thing," can still lead to a bad ending.

to me, ada has always been the lesser of two evils. she's not dipped her toes in, she's swimming in it. if she can pick a lesser evil, she will. if she can screw someone over so that something lesser bad happens, she will. it's the tiniest bit of self control she has left in her life. self preservation is important in the sense that she can trust herself, and that seems to be the one thing that's seen even after we see her lose luis. that even though she seems closer to him in this iteration, she still can't feel any emotion about it.

rather, she won't let herself do that.

anyways yeah i still have some thoughts too but they're stewing

#ask heart #heart answers #rambling anon #ada wong #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #aeon #leon x ada #leon kennedy x ada wong #leon s kennedy x ada wong #luis serra #luis sera #separate ways #albert wesker #re4r #separate ways remake

35 notes · View notes

mobius-m-mobius · 8 months

Note

Thank you so much for replying to my anon ask! And please don't apologize for your long reply. I LOVE IT!

Sylvie has every right to build and explore the kind of love she wants, but I think she lacks self-awareness in her "call-out" of Mobius, which is why Loki calls /her/ out in the next scene, reminding her that the only reason she's at the TVA is because she couldn't kill Victor, not because she actually wanted to /help/.

I sent an ask to @bebx that I hope you don't mind that I copy/paste here, because that blow up about pie sets up Mobius narratively in the next 2 episodes.

Let's talk about the TVA seal. If Loki was the original founder of the TVA before HWR takes over and performs a memory-wipe, the dagger represents Loki, the hourglass/Mobius strip represents Mobius, the shield looks like it might actually be a mask, which can represent Sylvie, who has a gift for enchantments. All 3 of them need to be on the same page to succeed.

Speaking of Sylvie, a word on the pie scene: from a plot perspective, this was Mobius's lowest point. He must feel worthless and good for nothing. This is actually critical for c when Loki finds him: I think Mobius might decline going back, not necessarily because his life before TVA was any better, but because he will likely think he will cause more harm then good, and that the only thing he's good at is selling jet skis, which can't possibly harm anyone.

Loki, because he didn't say anything during the confrontation with Sylvie, will be compelled to tell him that's absolutely not true. Loki will tell Mobius that his kindness and his believing in him changed everything. Perhaps, if we're lucky, we'll get some kind of love confession. Loki might say he can't save the timeline alone and he /wants/ Mobius at his side. Thus, Loki believing in Mobius causes Mobius to believe in Loki. When his memories get wiped in the future by HWR, his love Loki (romantic or platonic) will be an echo of his love for jet skis. He won't remember why he loves Loki, he just knows he dies because he did before. Thus closing the loop and fulfilling the snake eating its own tail. Who saved who?

Lastly, For All Time, Always had been presented as an ominous slogan. I believe this is actually a pact Loki, Mobius and Sylvie make among themselves to protect all timelines and free will. When HWR invades the TVA and perfoms the memory wipe, the slogan becomes perverse. I bet the pruning sticks, magic dampeners, collars, and torture devices were brought into the TVA by him. He is an inventor, after all.

Also, in rebuilding the TVA's facilities (which will take some powerful magic, magic that would create a place that would impress a post-NY Loki), Mobius might request Loki and Sylvie for a pie automat and hot chocolate dispenser. Because stress. Sylvie might use her magic to grant his wish as a peace offering.

Oh hi! Lovely to meet you and of course, such a pleasure to read and reply to 😊

Really wish there was more thought put into Sylvie's direction this season because at this rate there hasn't been any depth into the time she's been spending at the McDonald's branch which she seemed to be enjoying building a routine at, in comparison to suddenly going back to trying to chase He Who Remains variants while constantly telling everyone at the TVA they're dragging her back in while *she's* following them around?

Her not knowing what to do with herself makes sense considering her life had been dedicated to revenge until now but I just can't connect in any way when her one firm goal has been protecting all timelines enough to give the people there chances to live full lives and no matter the terrible history she has with the TVA, they're the only entity capable of ensuring that. Would never expect her to like the place or anyone there but they've already proven they're now working to preserve and she has no other plan to offer than burning everything to the ground which isn't an option while the loom's at such a critical level so her repeatedly ignoring what's right in front of her is feeling more than a little pointless.

(here we go again haha, adding a read more for everyone's sake!)

Don't mind at all and completely agree about the narrative being set specifically to explore the mindset Mobius has been in all season as well as his perspective on finding out his past. Still debating on whether he has any awareness of the TVA when we see him again and am leaning heavily toward him being the original version of himself with no knowledge of Loki or anything else that's happened so I'd love to see how Loki convinces him or if there's any kind of inherent connection or understanding lingering between them anyway?? But if he does have access to his memories I really do think he'd want to take a step back after watching Loki go after Sylvie after the pie situation.

Which would therefore lead to Loki going into detail about the conversation he had with Sylvie defending Mobius and all he's done for not just everyone on the branches but himself as well and I really do think there's going to be a mutual confession regarding how they've changed each other for the better whether it's during the process of Loki getting Mobius' memories back or afterwards when they're (hopefully) fully back to the versions we've gotten to know and love.

I noticed the detail of the TVA seal when it got cracked and couldn't believe it didn't hit me earlier, lol! A dagger and a Möbius strip, how poetic 🥺 As for the third member making up the timekeepers I'm open to however it goes but can't help rooting for B-15 to have the position simply because she's such a strong person with true faith in what the TVA and be and accomplish and I think she's earned the spot but I could see Sylvie reluctantly coming around to the goals of a reformed TVA enough to lend her magic to certain elements of the design and do like to think every Loki can't help but have a soft spot for every Mobius so you may very well be right as to how so many sweets ended up in the TVA 😂

Still confusing me is how and when exactly HWR eventually enters the picture and takes control, and where Loki or Sylvie are at that point since Mobius, B-15, and Casey have clearly still been working there but think you're absolutely right about HWR having invented and introduced the more dangerous and controlling elements of the place.

Finally I just have to say I think we'll absolutely get a "For All Time, Always" exchanged between Loki and Mobius right before the series ends and you have no idea how here for it I am, really just want the two of them accepting how much good they can do at the TVA and when they're together so can't wait to see where the series eventually takes us!

#loki spoilers #once again thank you for such an amazingly in depth ask!!#adore theorizing about the show but don't usually have the instinct or bravery to post much of what's on my mind so this has been fun #hope you've got a great day and amazing week ahead 🥰💖#ask

21 notes · View notes

thesherrinfordfacility · 11 months

Note

re: your hard truth meta, you're absolutely iconic for that. i feel like a lot of the season seemed to foreshadow that they're on two entirely different planes as far as what it means to care for someone, especially when a LOT of the flashback scenes we were shown seemed to included him constantly rejecting aziraphale's attempts at authentic communication: in the 1800s one, he straight up yells at aziraphale to be the one to say something that would keep that girl from ending her life, when aziraphale was already trying to do that on his own (never mind that aziraphale already miracled the vial empty & could have done the same with the glass). post-job, he laughs at aziraphale's assumption that he'll be cast out for lying when aziraphale is Visibly distraught about it. and then with maggie and nina, as they said in the final episode, az & crowley were doing what they'd always done with each other: throwing darts at the wall until something seems to stick. so then when crowley's finally put in a position to open an honest dialogue about their relationship and where he wants it to go, and is visibly anxious about it, aziraphale brushes it aside in favor of sharing his Good News, because that's what he's learned their relationship to vulnerability is. imo, crowley has had the time he needs to understand that heavenly/hellish interference isn't even necessary ("every time i think of something strategically cruel, they do it themselves and Worse"), and he expects aziraphale to reach the same level after like. One year of silence from heaven, because he figures that if he could do it on his own with no support system or anybody in his corner, so should aziraphale. meanwhile, aziraphale spent his ENTIRE existence with one purpose, being repeatedly manipulated into quashing his doubts and not raising questions, and then when he finally did the Right Thing for himself (stopping the apocalypse), heaven stopped talking to him entirely. of COURSE he would want to go back. he was cut off and lonely and couldn't go to crowley about it because he knew from experience that he would be brushed off. and of COURSE crowley wouldn't understand that, and like with maggie and nina was just trying to make Something happen However he could, regardless of how ethical it was, and would lash out in the most anti-heaven way he could think of: a temptation. like, my guy had a WEALTH of logical arguments about why heaven wasn't the place where real change could happen based on their lives together and the fact that aziraphale was about to be ERASED FROM EXISTENCE AND THE MEMORY OF EXISTENCE BY THE ARCHANGELS before the metatron showed up, but all he was thinking about was his trauma and he reacted to the shadow of a rejection that was centuries old. in trying to express their love for each other they just ended up treating each other like An Angel and A Demon again and it fuuucking kills me.

god i hope this makes sense, i am very tired. tl;dr i loved that meta

@rollforjackass, bestie, fucking *CHEF'S KISS* ✨💓 yes this is perfect part 2 to my meta and im so grateful you paid attention to the other parts where they fail each other time and time again and just sweep it under the rug... yes you get me!!!✨

aziraphale is as culpable as crowley, but i genuinely think he's trying... crowley feels like he's so wrapped up in his own pain and hurt (again, valid) that he can't see wood for the trees, and certainly not aziraphale's perspective 💀

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #not a shitpost but its good omens babyyyy #ask

25 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs

annaoreo28

annaoreo

horrorwoodreject

for the love

silence-insideme

Pause and reflect

sao789green

Sao789

t-aracolombia

T-ARA COLOMBIA FAN CLUB OFICIAL QUEEN'S