#i hope this answers your questions!! <3
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waaa ik you hate/don't write stuff involving anal so i'm sorry if this ask makes you uncomfyyy
bmb tomura and dabi have fucked around before if i remember correctly, but what exactly does that mean? like, have they had full-on sex before, or was it more just favors like handjobs, blowjobs, and anything else that doesn't involve anal shtuff? and how exactly was the dynamic when it was just the two of them? was tomura always daddy?
again i'm rlly sorry if this comes across as disrespecting ur boundaries or makes you uncomfortable, i promise it's not my intention but ik it can be hard to convey tone/intention through anon asks so i'm just clarifying, i love your work btw!! <3
hehe thank u for the heads up + preliminary apology!! i really appreciate it <33
yes, they have! okay SO!!!
what exactly does ‘fucked around’ mean?
it means everything, from shoving their tongues down each other’s throats and desperate dry humping to tiny sexual favours and big sexual favours to full-on anal sex. the full-on anal isn’t something they’d do often; it’s only happened a handful of times in total, but it has happened. mostly they stuck to blowjobs and handjobs and the like, though.
just because i don’t/won’t explicitly write butt stuff, doesn’t mean my characters/iterations haven’t done it before! it just means that it isn’t for me and, additionally, i’m so inexperienced in it that i wouldn’t feel comfortable attempting to write it either way.
how exactly was their dynamic when it was just the two of them? was tomura always daddy?
oooh anon i love this question!!! so their dynamic will be explored on a deeper level in my bmb christmas series whenever i finish that monster of a series but it’s also important to note that reader has now, obviously, been thrown into the mix which changes their dynamic a little more (aka dabi pushes back more than he used to). when it was just the two of them, tomura was definitely still in charge, in control, and The Boss, but they were on much more equal footing than tomura and reader are when it comes to dom/sub dynamics. dabi isn’t exactly a sub, but when it comes to tomura, he will submit; does that make sense? he challenged (and challenges) tomura a lot; he will absolutely shove back against things he doesn’t agree with/want to do and dabi fucking hates being told what to do (serious issues with authority), but if it’s tomura, if it’s his boss, and he can’t punch or push or weasel or wiggle his way out of it, then he will do it. it won’t be without a serious fight, though.
all of this is to say: there was a slight power imbalance present in this dynamic at this specific time, with tomura fulfilling more of a dominant role and dabi fulfilling more of a submissive role. for the most part, though, they agreed on sexual matters between themselves, and tomura liked dabi’s playful snarkiness and the challenge he would occasionally present. it was definitely a lot of tomura telling dabi what to do and dabi being like ‘yeah, fuck you’ (in a teasing sort of fashion) and doing it anyway because he wants it, too, and he just can’t help but respond with that sarcastic tone when given something resembling an order.
tomura was definitely not Daddy towards him when it was just the two of them. their sexual relationship was extremely casual and there was little to no romance to it. they were just close, in the most basic sense of the word. they got along well, they understood each other on a deep level, they had the same interests and hobbies (killing n drugs), etc.. tomura obviously still enjoys exerting power and control over dabi since that’s just who he is through and through, straight to his core, and he technically is his boss, but it wasn’t nearly on the level that Daddy tomura exerts extreme control over reader. tomura didn’t care what dabi wore, who dabi fucked around with, what dabi did, where dabi went, how much sugar dabi ate, when dabi went to bed, etc etc etc (tho obviously some of these things change once he’s in an actual, official relationship with him; cue pushback from dabi). it just didn’t bother him at all. they weren’t exclusive in any sense of the word and aside from sex and work duties tomura didn’t care/have much interest in controlling dabi to this extent.
aw anon it doesn’t it doesn’t!!! oh please bb you’re so sweet hehe <3 honestly, to me personally, when someone begins an ask acknowledging that this might potentially make me uncomfortable and explicitly states that they know there’s a chance i just won’t respond (because that’s all i do to asks that make me uncomfy hehe) i find it really thoughtful and compassionate, and i appreciate it a lot.
especially in this case, your questions were really great (and it totally makes sense that you’d be curious about these things!! i was purposefully vague within the series itself) and i’m glad you asked them! you were really respectful, don’t worry <33 and thank you so much!! i’m so glad to hear it!! c:
#such good questions anon i really enjoyed answering them!!!#and you’re such a sweetie hehe <33#i really appreciate how thoughtful u were!!!#i hope this answers your questions!! <3#have a fab day n stay safe + healthy!!!#bmb universe#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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Does this mean catboys can't loaf during Passover...
holy shit wait
idk why I made this
#asks#jumblr#pesach#passover#matzah#shitpost#catboys your jumblr#you made me make a catboy matzah I hope you're proud#also to answer your question: yeah catboys are no allowed to loaf only to lay down on their backs and show their belly for belly rubs :3
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what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans
there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv
i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before
IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings
a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:
b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT
c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro
#if it had been pre-fight i think shuro must have seen him as someone who wasnt serious enough or was too directionless#it would definitely have been easier to pick him out i think....#i realise that very little actual shipping made it into the scenario. but i hope you see the vision#anon#ask#laishuro tag#if shuro actually ended up having to judge them i cant tell you how accurate he would have been#i DO know that compared to laios he would have been watching their social interactions more carefully#maybe he notices certain habits. i dont know if he would get all of them right though. he definitely gets laios right#long post#huge fucking post even. im so sorry. i hope this answered your question#this is actually shorter than it originally was i took off a paragraph#and.. shorter again because i just revised the final route LMAO#its kinda important that laios is the one that judges so i fixed it. originally i was like well what if shuro judged#which u can kind of tell from the tags above lmao#ok i give up i cant edit this anymore here u go <3
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Hi so me being me I've decided to hyperanalyze the conversation Qrow and Raven had in Higanbana practically line by line bcus I have Many Thoughts and this is the best way I can think of to get them all out. If you can't tell I'm absolutely obsessed with these two. Btw.
Thanks to the RWBY wiki for providing transcripts for every episode, otherwise I definitely would have missed smth despite having just watched this scene recently lol
I put it under the read more for easier scrolling due to how long this post got!
I immediately noticed smth in the very first lines of the interaction:
Raven: "Hello, brother."
Qrow: "...Raven."
You'll notice throughout the whole conversation that Raven never calls Qrow by his name, only condescendingly referring to him as "brother" this one time and never calling him anything else. Meanwhile, Qrow directly refers to Raven a total of three times throughout the conversation, and only one doesn't call Raven by her name (which we'll get to shortly)
On the other hand, Qrow doesn't bother with even so much as a greeting beyond simply stating Raven's name
It's different ways of communicating their distance. While Raven holds her relationship with Qrow over his head — never once, even outside of this scene, does she call him "brother" with affection iirc, only derision and condescension — Qrow doesn't seem to rly know how to greet her. He hesitates before saying her name and approaching her, as if trying to assess the situation before acting
Qrow: "So, what do you want?"
Raven: "A girl can't just catch up with her family?"
Qrow: "She can, but you're not. Now how 'bout we get on with it? Unless you plan on keeping these [drinks] comin'."
Again, Raven seems to bring up her familial ties with Qrow as a tactic to get him to do what she wants — in this case, stick around to talk to her despite him not seeming to rly want to. Frankly, it feels manipulative. We're gonna put a pin in this for now and come back to it in just a moment
Additionally, Qrow already knows that Raven's not just here for a friendly chat between two siblings, and sees right thru her facade that it is. Raven is here bcus she wants smth from him. But interestingly, it is Raven in V5 that says, in an almost frustrated/disappointed tone, "Family. Only coming around when they need something." There's another pin; keep both in mind
Raven: "Does she have it?"
Qrow: "...Did you know Yang lost her arm?"
Raven: "That's not—"
Qrow: "Rhetorical question, I know you know. It's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist."
Raven: "I saved her."
Qrow: "Once. Because that was your rule, right? Real 'Mom of the Year' material, sis."
Qrow dodges Raven's question about the Relic and instead brings up her hypocrisy in how she treats family. And it's a good point. Here she is lording her siblingship with Qrow over his head while simultaneously defending and upholding her rule that she is only obligated to help her own daughter a single time. Another pinpoint on our little conspiracy board
Also, here's the one time in this conversation Qrow refers to Raven as "sis". Like Raven's use of "brother", Qrow's use of "sis" is very pointed and with intent. But it's not to manipulate Raven, it's a snarky jab meant to rly hammer home Qrow's point
Raven: "I told you Beacon would fall, and it did. I told you Ozpin would fail, and he has. Now you tell me. Does. Salem. Have it?"
Qrow: "I thought you weren't interested in all of that."
Raven: "I just want to know what we are up against."
Qrow: "And which 'we' are you referring to?"
A few things of note here. At some point in the past, Raven expressed an outright disinterest in Ozpin's inner circle, at least to Qrow. Qrow also feels excluded in the "we" Raven mentions being against Salem. To me, there seems to be a distinct possibility here that it wasn't that Raven felt personally disinterested in Ozpin's operations, but that she somehow felt excluded and feigned a lack of interest in order to protect herself. An idea that is further supported in my eyes by the following dialogue:
Qrow: "You should come back, Raven. The only way we'd beat her is by working together. All of us."
Raven: "You're the one who left. The tribe raised us, and you turned your back on them."
Qrow: "They were killers and thieves."
Raven: "They were your family."
Qrow: "You have a very skewed perception of that word."
And there it is. Raven's problem is laid out here for us, loud and clear: She feels like she was the one abandoned, not the one running away. She says it outright! "You're the one who left." To her, Qrow is the traitor, the one who left their family behind. If you ask Qrow (or, for that matter, Tai, Yang, and even Summer based on the scene in V9), it's the opposite
Bcus they have different definitions of family
Another thing to pin (I promise this will all become clear soon)
Raven: "I lead our people now. And as leader, I will do everything in my power to ensure our survival."
Qrow: "I saw. The people of Shion saw, too."
Raven: "The weak die. The strong live. Those are the rules."
Qrow: "Well, you've certainly got someone strong on your side. I've seen the damage."
Raven: "We couldn't have known the Grimm would set in as quickly as they did."
Qrow: "I'm not talking about the Grimm. And I'm not talking about you, either."
Notice Raven's shift from "the tribe" to "our people". More of that guilt tripping!
Additionally, Raven is *obsessed* with rules. One save. The weak die, the strong live. Raven lives and breathes rules, even seemingly arbitrary ones. Guess what this is? Another pin!
Raven: "If you don't know where the Relic is, then we have nothing left to talk about."
Qrow: "I don't know where the Spring Maiden is, either, but if you do, I need you to tell me."
Raven: "And why would I do that?"
Qrow: "Because without her, we're all going to die."
Raven: "...And which 'we' are you referring to?"
Qrow's "either" here implies that he also doesn't know where the Crown of Choice is, which is... interesting. He's one of Ozpin's closest lieutenants, and is in the dark on where Beacon's Relic is? Wherever it is, it is such a closely kept secret that even Ozpin's best spy doesn't know where it is (maybe so that in the event Qrow gets captured by Salem he can't be forced into giving her the information?)
Meanwhile, Raven's "And why would I [tell you]?" implies that she does know who the Spring Maiden is (obviously. Raven's the Spring Maiden lol) but refuses to disclose to Qrow
A lantern sputters out after Qrow says "Without [Spring] we're all going to die." Now, I genuinely can't remember if this is headcanon or canon, but iirc Misfortune seems to act up when Qrow's upset. He's clearly tired of this little game of dancing around topics that Raven's been playing with him
And once again, Raven indicates a feeling of exclusion from Qrow's life in the iconic final line. She gets the final word in before leaving
We've finally reached the end of the conversation. Now what does all of this tell us?
And here is where all of those pins I wrote down are relevant. As I mentioned, the twins view family very differently
Qrow's view is pretty obvious: he views family as the ppl in his life who matter most to him. Unlike Raven, he does not view the tribe as family despite the fact that they raised him, disgustedly referring to them as "killers and thieves". It's implied that he was, in fact, neglected and/or likely abused by the Branwen tribe, saying in V6C4, "No one wanted me... I was cursed..." further explaining his distaste for them. Furthermore, despite not being related to Ruby by blood, they clearly consider one another family throughout the series, and he even seems closer to her than he seems to his niece who's actually blood related to him (I personally headcanon that he keeps more of a distance from Yang bcus she reminds him too much of Raven, who he feels abandoned and hurt by, but that's neither here nor there). Bloodlines and debts are secondary compared to loyalty, if they're considered at all. He is obviously furious that Raven only insists on saving Yang once and never directly interacting with her beyond that, despite Raven constantly guilting Qrow over abandoning his so-called "family" of the tribe. And yet. And yet. He still offers Raven a place back in his life, even if only to unite against Salem
Raven's view, to me, has been an enigma for a while. But after hyperanalyzing this conversation, after noting down all of those points of interest, I feel like I've finally cracked the code. Raven views family as an obligation, an exchange that always has an ulterior motive behind it. She seeks out Qrow only bcus she desires smth from him despite showing distaste when someone does the same to her; condescendingly calls Qrow "brother" more than his actual name and calls the tribe their "family" to try guilting him into doing what she wants; and feels fierce loyalty to the tribe but barely interacts with her daughter, only seeming to count one of the two as true family. She views the concept of family with cynicism and seems to feel an obligation to the tribe, as if she "owes" them for raising her
I think the two's perceptions of what defines family are all to do with the way the tribe treated both of them. This crosses a bit into headcanon territory, but as you can see by the above quotes and analysis, I rly don't think I'm just making it up entirely
As I already mentioned, I think it's implied that the Branwen tribe neglected/abused Qrow. In fact, we could probably blame their treatment of him for the deep self-loathing he has due to his "cursed" Semblance. But what about Raven?
Well, it's simple: I think she was abused, too, just in a different way. While Qrow was likely shown and told on a consistent basis that he was unwanted, unloved, undeserving of good things, Raven may have been shown and told she was wanted, loved, and deserving of good things... if she did what the tribe told her. If she repaid them for raising her and her brother, for being her "family". The way she uses her familial ties with Qrow as almost blackmail may be exactly the way the tribe treated her. Her obsession with following rules may stem from the fact that she had to follow the rules the tribe set for her in order to be accepted and deemed worth smth
As for her distance from Yang... honestly, I wonder if Raven is aware that Yang deserves better and keeps her distance as her way of doing that. When Summer confronts Raven in the V9 scene, Raven says, "...You're better at that life. Better than I was." She seems to have a fear and insecurity about being a good family member, a good mother, and maybe that's why she fled. Maybe she was scared of being like her abusers due to how she emulates them as a self-preservation tactic in so many other ways. Not entirely sure about this point tho
And I think too this is why the twins don't rly understand one another. They may have been unaware of the different ways in which the other was treated. Qrow, constantly unwanted and loathed, can't understand why Raven sticks around with the tribe; Raven, who obeyed the tribe and, in doing so, garnered enough of their favor to even eventually become leader, can't understand why Qrow can't just be "good", earn respect, and stay
This dissonance between the two experiences may also be completely intentional on the part of the tribe; abusers will often eliminate their targets' support systems in order to make them completely reliant on the abuser, so it's highly likely that the wedge was intentionally driven between the two siblings so that they could not find support in one another. This would also tie into why the twins seem to feel excluded from one another's lives and abandoned by one another: bcus they were made to feel that way by their common abusers, and did nothing to challenge these assumptions bcus they saw no reason to — and only seemed to keep proving one another right if they did
Which rly has some disturbing implications about how the Branwen tribe works. Like, do they just pick orphaned kids up off the street and abuse them into being perfect little bandits, molded to be of the greatest possible use and discarded if they're deemed worthless? Plus Qrow says his Semblance is how he got his name, which implies that the tribe also renames the kids they scoop up (possibly as a form of control or a way to make sure they can't be tracked down by any remaining family)? Plus there's the whole thing where Qrow and Raven were originally sent to Beacon to learn how to kill Huntsmen, which carries with it the implication that the Branwen tribe grooms literal orphan children into becoming stone-hearted murderers? What. The heck.
And if I'm right, if the Branwen tribe is that severely abusive, then like... wow, no wonder Qrow and Raven are Like That. They're both very deeply hurt people expressing it in different ways
I was considering adding their conversation at the Battle of Haven to this post, but I think that would be better as its own thing. Also I haven't gotten there on my rewatch yet so I may miss some details if I try to analyze it rn; it's better to wait overall methinks
But I have reached the point of my rewatch where we see Weiss and Whitley interact, and I think it would be very efficient to sum up what Qrow and Raven's relationship seems to be by using those siblings as a point of reference. Qrow = Weiss, actively trying to break free from and fight back against their abusers in different ways, while Raven = Whitley, continuing to do as their abusers want and have wanted as a method of self-preservation. Only, unlike Weiss and Whitley, Qrow and Raven have yet to come to a point where they can understand one another. I think that's a good way to briefly summarize the uh. Absolutely massive post this is.
In conclusion, I may have cracked the majority of the Branwen twins' pre-Beacon backstory purely by hyperanalyzing a single conversation. Oopsies
#original post#'hey hira why are you so obsessed with these two—' autism. i hope that answers your question!#ok but srsly. i've genuinely worked rly hard on this post for the past like. 3 days?#i didn't think it'd lead to me deducing all of this about the twins' pasts but here we are lol#this'll probably flop due to the length but like. i don't mind tbh! this is mostly to satisfy my own silly brain [affectionate] anyway#i'm genuinely looking forward to seeing them in v10#since the storyboard for the scrapped v9 epilogue had raven in it#i hope they somehow reconcile and come to understand one another like weiss and whitley did#tho. i have a bad feeling that even if they do it will end in one (or both?) of them tragically dying before the other's eyes#but that's not rly relevant lol#anyhow i am not sry for inflicting you all with my branwen twin brainrot. it will happen again#i'm having sooo many thoughts on this rewatch and they just keep on coming#rwby#qrow branwen#raven branwen#branwen twins#rwby9 spoilers#i hope there's no glaring errors here. i read thru this post multiple times to be sure but it's so huge i may have missed smth irjnfbpbne
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Is it hard writing smut :0? Idk about you but I have to be really horny to read smut, and if I’m not I just feel completely ashamed and disgusted in myself, and I want to know if it’s like that writing smut
Idk I just feel like you sort of have to be in the mood to write smut if you know what I mean💀
I dunno I’ve never written it before
i read smut like the morning news
no but in all seriousness, i can honestly read it whenever (although certain topics/kinks i have to be in the mood for)— but i have to be in a certain mood to write smut. not necessarily horny, but idk how to describe it. that’s why i love taking asks and using other peoples posts as inspo. if i see a really good idea/ask, then it makes me really want to write something !!
also, there’s no need to be disgusted with yourself. exploring different aspects of your own sexual interests, and sexual writing/creations is completely normal and totally okay. as long as what you are choosing to engage in is safe for you as a person and doesn’t damage your idea of sexual boundaries/kinks, then you’re completely fine !!
and when i’m writing, sometimes i’ll like gain consciousness lmao and cringe myself out. that’s why most of the time i don’t proofread my stuff lol
until i got on tumblr, i’d never written smut before— i’d read it, but never wrote. so yeah, it was a learning experience, but i think i’m doing okay this far lol :)
#captainfern#captainfernsalutes#i actually enjoyed talking a bit about this so thank you anon i hope this answers your question <3
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Anon doing ratnovel reread again - it's an absolute pleasure to (re)immerse myself in this world and these characters, and I know I'm not the only one who loves these extra little insights into haw-verse! Rereading it and knowing the general shape of Leon's side (poor guy with his soft little heart that he gave to Matthew and then...) makes it so much more hurty. Which I love. And speaking of (and I promise I won't bombard you with questions for each moment, probably, but I am still immersed in the feels), what is Leon's side of things when Matthew tells him to leave after the kiss?? Obviously he is heartbroken, but does he cry about it, is he very stoic German, does McDavid take on look at him and facepalm because he KNEW Leon was too much of a softie for this...?
Leon is an idiot.
Sitting in the back of the car back to the hotel, that’s all he can think. He is an idiot. He’s so fucking stupid.
He could think about other things. Matthew’s mouth against his, finally. The hot, desperate way he kissed back. That moment, lying together afterward, when Leon thought, stupidly, idiotically, that he was getting what he wanted. But if he thinks about those things, his hands start to shake and his stomach turns and he is not paying the clean-up fee for throwing up in an Uber, so he stays focused.
He’s an idiot.
He needs another shower, and he’s an idiot.
Not an idiot for thinking Matthew was feeling something even remotely similar to what he felt. No, he’s still painfully sure about that. An idiot for thinking Matthew felt enough — cared enough — to get the fuck over whatever the fuck is wrong with him long enough to have one honest moment. To think he'd see Leon putting himself out there and meet him halfway — not even halfway, a third of the way. A quarter of the way would have been enough.
At least it’s a short ride.
The hotel lobby is mostly empty at this hour, which Leon is grateful for as he stalks to the elevator, mashes the unlock on the digital key on his phone until it takes him to his floor. If he ran into a teammate right now— he can’t fathom having a conversation. He’s still burning so hot with humiliation that he can hardly see straight. The real world feels far away. Everything is white noise and his own stubborn heart still thudding in his ears.
He needs a shower. He still has Matthew’s come on him, under his clothes, drying on his stomach, sticking to his shirt. The sensation makes him want to puke, but he’s not doing that in a hotel elevator any more than he’s doing it in an Uber.
He’s such a fucking idiot.
In his room, he goes straight to the bathroom, stripping his clothes off with such determination that he pops a button off his shirt, then another as he yanks it off in frustration. He’ll care later, maybe. More likely he’ll just trash the whole shirt. He does not wait for the water to get hot, and cringes when he steps under the cold spray, but it doesn’t deter him from scrubbing himself clean. And it doesn’t take long to warm up. Faster than the water in Matthew’s shower warms up.
He is not going to cry.
Leon’s not an easy crier. He’s emotional, yeah, and he gets choked up easier than some guys, but it’s pretty rare that actual tears fall. But he’s got this tightness in his chest, this pressure behind his eyes, like there’s a dam inside him that wants to break. He rubs his hands over his face as water pours over him, streaming down his back and shoulders, hot enough now that it’s surely turning his skin red. Better than his skin being red from Matthew’s fingers digging into it. A sob tries to push its way up and out of his throat; he bites hard on the heel of his hand, turning it into a sharp, muffled sound.
And he shouldn’t care, he shouldn’t care about what Matthew is doing right now, but, fuck, Leon hopes he feels like shit. He hopes he’s still sitting there alone on his bed, staring at the t-shirt folded on his dresser, feeling like shit.
He presses his palms to his eyes, his breaths coming too fast and too short.
“Fuck,” he yells, the word swallowed up by the steam.
He’s such a fucking idiot.
If he could, he would stand in the shower until the water ran cold. But this is a hotel, so it’s not going to get cold. So instead he stands there until he can breathe without it catching in his throat. Until the pressure behind his eyes eases just enough that the danger of crying is no longer imminent. Until it hits him how fucking exhausted he is and suddenly all he wants is to lie down.
He shuts off the water, towels off, and goes to collapse onto his bed. He nearly steps on his phone on the way, so he scoops it up to take with him, but he doesn’t look at it yet. If Matthew hasn’t texted, it’ll make him want to throw up. If Matthew has texted, that might also make him want to throw up.
At least his life will be a lot less complicated now, he thinks, and that also makes him want to throw up.
He lays there miserably for who knows how long. He’s been miserable before, after losses, after breakups. The entire time they were getting swept in the conference finals last year while his ankle throbbed so badly he could hardly stand. Could hardly think. He wishes he had some kind of real physical injury right now to explain away how much he hurts inside. He’s been miserable before, but not like this.
He’s so tired, but he can’t sleep. The idea of sleeping feels completely foreign, like it’s something he’s never done before and might never do again.
He swallows his nausea and picks up his phone.
Are u still up, he texts Connor, knowing he won’t be. Connor goes to bed at a reasonable hour unless there’s a very good reason not to. He sits and stares at his phone for a few more minutes anyway, scrolling aimlessly through his texts without looking too closely at the conversation with Matthew. The temptation to tap in and backread is there, but he’s not masochistic enough for that. Masochistic enough to get himself into this mess, but not masochistic enough for that. If Matthew texted him right now, maybe. Maybe he’d open the conversation then. Who is he kidding — if Matthew texted right now with an apology, he’d take it. He’d forgive him so fucking fast. But it would have to be tonight. Maybe tomorrow. But only if it’s a real apology. Only if it acknowledges, even a little, that they were doing something real. If Matthew can’t do that, then there’s no point to any of this.
Leon squeezes his eyes closed. He’s not going to fucking cry. He squeezes his phone, willing a text to come through. Nothing.
He can’t fucking do this. He can’t lay here all night thinking about it. He’ll drive himself crazy.
It only takes a moment to find sweatpants, a t-shirt, slides — the bare minimum for leaving the hotel room. He stalks down the hallway and raps on Connor’s door. Hopefully it wakes him up the first time. Leon will keep knocking if he needs to, but he doesn’t want anyone else to hear and come ask him what he’s doing.
There is a long, excruciating minute before the door opens just enough for Connor, tousled and grumpy, to squint into the hallway at him.
“Leo?” he says. “What are you— what’s wrong?”
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Leon asks.
Maybe it’s the way his voice cracks, or maybe there’s something in the look on his face, but Connor’s brow creases and the sleepiness seems to dissipate.
“Yeah, come in,” he says, stepping back so Leon can do that. He’s wearing boxers and a t-shirt so old that there’s a big hole in one armpit. The ensemble makes him look strangely teenaged, like the shy, skinny kid Leon met when they first came into the league, and that for some reason makes him feel a little better about showing up pathetically in the middle of the night because some guy broke his heart.
Connor doesn’t turn on any lights, just crawls back into bed and turns the TV on with the remote. Leon follows, settling on top of the covers instead of under them. Clicking through channels, Connor eventually stops on one showing some sort of disaster action movie that Leon doesn’t recognize.
“Good enough,” Connor mutters. His eyes flick over to Leon. “What happened? You look like shit.”
“Feel like shit,” Leon says, trying for deadpan, but a lump rises up in his throat and all of a sudden he feels like crying again.
Connor looks at him for a long moment, the light from the television distorting the shadows on his face. “Weren’t you going to see Chucky tonight?”
“Yeah,” Leon croaks. He squeezes his eyes shut and is embarrassed to feel a hot tear slide down his cheek. Fuck. He scrubs it away, sniffling and sucking in a ragged breath. “Fuck, sorry.”
“Leo,” Connor says softly. “What happened?”
“Doesn’t matter.” Leon’s voice is tight, wobbly at the edges. “I just want to watch a movie.” Onscreen, some sort of storm is wreaking havoc. People are yelling, but the volume is down pretty low.
There’s another long pause.
“Okay,” Connor finally says. Then, hesitantly, “Do you want a hug?”
Leon kind of really fucking does, but he doesn’t want to open his mouth again, because he will definitely make some sort of awful crying sound. But Connor moves anyway, scooting up and over to wrap his arms around Leon’s shoulders. Leon slumps against him and tries to breathe through it, but the dam inside him feels like it’s about to crack down the middle.
Connor squeezes him, his cheek pressed to Leon’s damp hair.
“Just tell me if you want us to hate him now,” he says. “Because if he doesn’t want you, he’s an idiot.”
#ask#ratnovel#hockey for ts#i started to write a normal answer to this and then was like..... actually i think i just want to write this scene for real lol#hope this is a good answer to your question anon <3
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Do you have any fun/personal head-cannons for the Pilgrims?
Hmmm.. I don't know if this really counts as a headcanon, but I guess something I think is funny about how I see the relationship between Wukong and Trip is this.
Monkey being torn between hating the priest that put him in this position and put the headband on him, and always wanting to be number one is every single thing. Monkey doesn't accept second place and doesn't get why he can't be super mean and rude to Tripitaka all the time and not also be the priest's favorite disciple.
He should simply have everything, it's not that complicated in his head LOL
#ty for the ask <3#hes the best at everything clearly and everyone must love him#also monkey craving acceptance and love but only really knowing how to get that through threats and violence#which isnt real love of course but its the best he's been able to do all this time#another reason i love the relationship balance between him and trip#trip is the first person he's encountered that isnt afraid of him and wont put up with his nonsense#anyway i love them#hope that kinda answers your question i guess i have a few thoughts on the pilgrims but thats one of them#tripitaka#sun wukong#jttw#jttw tag
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Did you hate the season 2 finale? Are you still looking forward for season 3 because of it or are you turned off of looking forward for any tv show good omens from now on?
What season 2 finale? Good Omens has never been adapted into a TV show. I love the book tho!
#I'm craaaaaaazzzzyyyyyyy ahahahahahahahaha#In seriousness to answer your question#Of course I hated it! Every book fan I know hated it!#The past few days has really sucked with miscellaneous Good Omens and also work stuff and it's just shit it's shit it's shit#I hope season 3 never happen now! I think it'll be hilarious that this is the final ending that show fans get :D#All my friends have been getting my full rant for the past few days#Anyways that was so bad and OOC I've been avoiding Tumblr for the past few days#Because every time I came on I have to fight back the strong urge to delete all my show Omens art#And I've promised myself I wouldn't delete my art under any circumstances before because I used to hate when artists I like did that#Anyways I'm not gonna delete art. But I probably wouldn't post anything Show Omens related from now on. Unfollow me if you want#good omens critical
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I'm curious. I've seen your art and something that's come to my mind is what actually got you attached with the Subway brothers. Your narrative on their different AU forms is so unique which is what brought me to that question
Alright, rat history time.
So basically back in 2021-2022, I was working on an old OC storyline (about 3 years old by then) and I was in grade 9 so I was like “A new Pokémon game? Pfft, like I care” and just didn’t watch any of the stuff related to PLA when it dropped. I still got recommended Twitter posts about it on Instagram and I ended up seeing this one.
I tried looking up Ingo cause I was like "oh, funky design, looks like a captain or something" but I didn't end up finding anything so I didn't press further. Anyways in March break of 2022, I got bored and decided to put some game streams on in the background while I drew. I saw Alpharad's PLA video and decided to watch it for a bit when I saw Ingo.
I was like "Hey you're the guy from Twitter!" and since I knew his name now, I looked him up and found his Bulbapedia article. I found him much more interesting than the rest of the PLA cast since he had history outside PLA, and I ended up reading up whatever I could find on him. I also by extension discovered Emmet this way, which only served to suck me deeper down the rabbit hole. By the end of March break I had a fan OC and 2 AUs made with more on the way, as well as a YouTube recommended page with nothing but theory videos on Ingo and decade old Submas content.
Around May I decided to decommission my OC storyline for personal reasons, and by this point Submas was starting to occupy more of my creative work anyways. Since I didn't have my storyline to put my energy into, I started funnelling literally any story ideas into Submas. This led to nonstop content for a shockingly long time, and ofc I'm still coming up with stuff now.
Long story short, I got attached to them by accident! It was a "right place, right time" sort of thing since they came in as I was starting to get sluggish with my original content and I ended up being more interested in writing for them.
As for narratives, I am effectively playing dolls with these guys. Usually the kind of stuff that I write for them is meant for OCs, but I dumped the 60+ person cast so I put that energy into them instead.
Most AUs will either have a core theme, an out of pocket idea, or both to make things interesting. Usually I just come up with a dumbass idea like "what if we brought ReBURST back for a rerun" or "what if Emmet signed a contract with an eldritch space spider" or "what if Submas could see into the future" and stuff like that, then it picks up themes as I keep writing. For some silly examples:
Burst is based on Pokémon ReBURST and the idea of human-Pokémon fusion, but there's focus on skill, how characters misperceive it, and resentment as a result. There's also a spotlight on inferiority complexes, bottled up guilt, and blind confidence depending on which main character you look at
Journal is about a diary that helps Ingo to regain his memories, and it focuses on remembrance and regret as a result of him reading it. Spotlight on lacking awareness vs hyper awareness and the monotony of living as people around you leave
Oracle is exactly what it sounds like, with the twins being able to see into the future. It focuses on cooperation and the importance of working together, but also learning how to work alone. The spotlight's on jealousy and gratitude for this one, though the latter greatly outweighs the former in this case
I also just have AUs I made to try deranged shit for funsies, like Sapioflora, Cybernetic/Z-Λ, Team Supernova, and Idol. Those are mostly for exploring goofy ideas that may or may not go anywhere.
Right anyways basically I just saw Submas after watching PLA gameplay and found the twins more interesting to write about than the project I'd exhausted by then. The narratives are like that because the AU ideas I make are actually OC concepts that I modify to fit Pokémon specifically for these two or ideas about the two that I'd like to explore. Hope that answers the question ^^*
#submas#submas au#au#ingo#subway master ingo#ingo pokemon#nobori#emmet#subway master emmet#emmet pokemon#kudari#Fun fact: my old AUs were actually focused on Ingo if you could believe it#I know that must sound impossible because of how much I write on Emmet but it's true#Also‚ even though I never released it for the public fully‚ Stelleret is an AU that fits in the example list. It's about monsters‚#deals with eldritch beings‚ but it focuses on appearances‚ love‚ self worth‚ and self sacrifice. It's also like 1/3 shitposts by volume#Now that I think about it I have a lot of unreleased content#It's probably going to stay that way#WAIT I JUST REALIZED I NEVER RELEASED BATTLE ADDICT#uhhhhh what if I did a doodle dump 😳👉👈 I unfortunately only have pictures of Emmet with the strait jacket#It also has. 3 variants. But they get the happy ending in one of them I promise!!#I think it's funny how basically the only AUs where I have Ingo and Emmet in an ideal relationship is the one where they can see the future#and the one where they are diagnosed with Hyper-Competitive Combat Mania as unfit for battle due to the damage they cause#“We get along because we rely on each other” vs “We help each other improve to destroy the opponent on every level”#Anyways hope this answered your question ^^ if not sorry for the ramble 👁👁💦
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how did u choose your username?
oh, this is a fun one!! i think i considered being swordtold at first, for that very ancient myth vibe of the sword being this narrative tool for adventure and structure and physical time, the parable being passed down through the centuries until it meddles into modern day rhetoric and ideology – a kind of fantastical tool, a spark of magic, of possibility.
i like the arc of the story of a place being physical / having it be held by time and hand alike, wearing with the years and having it become something different to each holder, each reader, each experience fantastical and individual.
having that kind of physicality to it; swordheld is the action of taking up and holding the sword yourself, choosing your own narrative, leading your own story. self-identity has always been something i struggle with (a novel concept i know, i know), so it felt right for this blog, since most of my older blogs before this one have been just me silently reblogging and never really posting anything myself, and i wanted this to be the change to that.
i've always had trouble wranging my social anxiety, esp. on the internet, and previously thought that keeping my words to myself helped keep the timeline cleaner, in a way, no messy thoughts for others to sort through, especially ones i believed no one would want to read anyway? but it never felt right, keeping myself apart from it all, esp. not in the way i so avidly enjoyed reading others' posts and additions, keeping their words close to my heart.
i wanted it to reflect that this was a space i was holding for myself? and i'm a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but this - this i think i got right. i love being here, on this blog, and the joy that it brings me. everyone else enjoying it too has been a wild ride that i never expected, and still surprises me, one that brings a little extra thrill to my heart whenever i think about it.
i had other urls that i liked, but i didn't want this blog to be tied directly to any of my fandom/story interests, since i wanted it to really just be a sort of archive of artistic inspiration and resource, like a little library or museum. i use them now as lil sideblogs of more niche interests now, which is rather lovely.
it hasn't always felt like it fit perfectly, the way that i'd like, but for some reason i can't think of really wanting to change it anytime soon. it feels mythic yet modern in a way that feels like puzzle pieces finally slotting into their place, something my own and inspirational to me, like a lantern i'm holding to make my way by. my own kind of light, if that makes sense – a star i know by name.
#q&a.#birdsong.#all of this is truly just a way to say: it's your blog! it's your party! do what you like if it makes you happy!! (and doesn't hurt anyone!#live your dreams!!!!!! do your own thing truly it is worth it. which feels silly and cheesy inspirational talk vibes but u kno. it's right#thank u for ur question tho !!! it's been so long that i don't really remember exactly what the beginning of it all was?#it wasn't always my url for this blog esp. in the beginning but i've forgotten what that was ghjk so sorry dear anon !#like little flashes of a story in my memory i have to make out / like steam or fog on a window pane. blurry and unclear?#but now it feels more intentional / almost like watercolor! something that mixes itself into a new thing; bright and bursting w/ it all.#i hope this answers ur question nicely all the same tho <3#i always on habit write out lantern as lanturn so this is an unintentional shout out to one of my fav pokemon love u lanturn !!#some of these things i truly do just write out bc i know it'll make me laugh later if i ever come back to it. lil joys for ur future self !#and that IS a reference to the dickinson poem ' i am out with lanterns looking for myself ' it is in my brain always ! ! thank u ! !
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Happy Valentine's Day @artsy-azure ! Here's your gift for the @milgram-valentines-exchange 💖
Fuuta x Minato (oc) ~ The first section takes place right after his T2 interrogation, and then skips ahead to a tiny post-milgram scene :3 I hope you enjoy!
Fuuta thought he would drown. Not sink into water or anything like that; he was worried the voices filling his mind would completely suffocate him. There were too many of them. Too many people, all of them knowing every dark corner of his mind, and shouting into it. It should have been impossible for one voice – one softer than all the rest – to reach him.
Then again, everything about that voice should have been impossible.
“Fuuta… Hey, Fuuta… Are you alright?”
He blinked. He scrambled over to the nearest wall. There were no visible openings in the cell, not a single imperfection across any of the surfaces, yet Milgram’s intercom system functioned just fine. Most days it would just deliver the ear-rattling bell to tell him the time. On bad days, it carried Es’ summons to the interrogation room for his extraction. On worse days, it carried Es’ summons to the courtroom for his verdict.
On the very best days, it would bring him the voice of Hoshizawa Minato.
(Though, seeing as he had just returned from a catastrophic extraction, he wasn’t sure what type of day it was yet.)
He tore his attention away from the chorus of judgements and insults. He pressed his shoulder against the wall, still unsure where the sound was coming from, but knowing it was nearby.
“I’m here,” he said, hushed. More than anything he wanted to yell and scream, but he would never risk it, now. Minato had gone through a hell of a lot to break into Milgram’s systems, and he wouldn’t let his big mouth ruin all that. It had already ruined just about everything else.
“How are you holding up?”
Fuuta pressed his lips together. “Any news on getting us out of here?” was all he said.
Hundreds of miles away (or perhaps next door – neither of them could really know), Minato’s fingers adjusted his headset.
“I’m still working on it. These things take time.”
“I’m definitely gonna need it after today.”
“Your interrogation… I know.”
Fuuta pulled his hood down tighter, tufts of ginger hair ruffling underneath. “How much did you see?”
Minato’s eyes flicked over to another monitor. It displayed the files he’d gained access to a few hours prior. It would crush Fuuta to hear about yet another person peeking into his personal moments, so he opted for a non-answer.
“I don’t have cameras. I don’t see much at all.”
“Tch, I’m not a damn idiot, I know that! I meant, how much did you hear?”
“...Everything.”
Fuuta squeezed his eye shut. He bit a curse back. There came silence.
Minato actually double checked some of his monitors, making sure they hadn’t been disconnected.
“So then, you know,” Fuuta said at last. “There’s no fucking way I’m getting forgiven this time around.”
“You can’t be so sure. The–”
“No one in their right mind would forgive me after that.” He winced, remembering his harsh cries at the end of the interrogation. What kind of accused murderer shouted “I’ll kill you” as their plea of innocence? When he wasn’t running his mouth with threats, he’d been pleading with Es like some kind of coward. And Minato has heard all of it. Fuuta could only imagine the horrors that the extraction held. Who could forgive him after they saw his anger, or worse, his pleasure? Who could ever look kindly on someone like that?
“I would.”
Fuuta’s eyes widened. He let himself sink further into the wall. A strangled laugh escaped him. He let his head hang down. No matter how much he wanted to protest, Minato was as honest as they come. If he said he forgave Fuuta, he meant it.
“Yeah, like I said, no one in their right mind.”
Minato cracked a smile.
“You don’t think I’m in my right mind?”
Fuuta scoffed. “You post pictures of clothes for a living. And in your free time, you plan impossible jailbreaks for murderers. Doesn’t sound quite sane to me.”
“Aw, come on. Do you think it’s impossible?”
Minato was still smirking, ready for some more of their typical back and forth. Fuuta surprised him by pausing.
“Well, it should be impossible. But…”
They’d been speaking for some time now. Whether it was quick comments when Es wasn’t around or long conversations into the night. Fuuta had seen many sides of him, and knew that he had what it took. He wasn’t like the vast majority of internet personalities – weak or needy or inexperienced. He’d proved himself time and time again. If anyone could pull this off, it would be Minato.
“If it’s you… there’s a chance.”
“You’ve got that right. You can count on me, alright?”
Fuuta took a deep breath. The tightness of the uniform and the bandages seemed to lessen.
“Although,” Minato put on a falsely serious voice, “we’re gonna have a long talk when you get out… about that yellow jacket you own.”
“Haaah? What’s wrong with my jacket?’
“There are a hundred stylish ways to wear it and that was not one.”
“The fuck does that mean?”
“You’ll be grateful when someone who ‘posts pictures of clothes for a living’ helps with your wardrobe.”
Fuuta could feel his chest release even more. Minato spoke so easily about the future, as if it were something real and waiting for him.
“As if I’d let you touch any of my outfits.”
“As if you could stop me!”
He took another breath. He smiled. No drowning today.
---
After checking the clock fourteen times, Fuuta thought once more couldn’t hurt. It was still two minutes to noon, just like the last few times he’d checked. His frequent checking hadn’t brought the train to the station any faster.
Minato had told him that he was safe. He’d said this meeting wasn’t that big of a risk. The dust had settled. He just had to relax.
The announcement overhead signaled the next stop was his. It screeched into the station, a slight murmur rising as the doors opened onto a platform of moving people.
Fuuta lowered his head. His eyepatch would surely draw attention to himself, so he kept his hood down and his mask up. He just needed to make it to the station entrance.
He made his way around stiff businessmen and sticky children. He tried to shuffle around a young man, but he seemed to step further into Fuuta’s path. Giving the stranger a quick glance, he started to mumble something to squeeze past.
“Fuuta,” the man said, gaping in surprise. “It’s me.”
He inhaled sharply.
It was only three words, but it was enough to recognize his voice from a thousand conversations.
Fuuta’s eye widened as he took Minato in. It was strange to finally see his face. Finally, here was the person he’d spent hours talking to. The person he’d spent days passing the time with. The person he’d spent nights falling for. Here was the one who had saved his life, in more ways than he could count.
His first observation was, fuck, this guy is way outta my league. His next was, he’s shorter than I was expecting. Then, gah, I’m probably shorter than he was expecting. He was in the middle of realizing, he has the nicest smile I think I’ve ever seen, when Minato crushed him in a hug.
Fuuta returned the embrace. His arms tightened around Minato. He was real. He was here. Fuuta’s hands grasped at his clothes and his hair. He was unable to control a laugh bubbling up inside of him.
“You did it. My god, you did it.”
He breathed into Minato’s shoulder. His chest shook with some laughter, some tears.
For a moment wondered if people would notice the heartfelt reunion outside of the train, then he realized he didn’t care in the slightest.
Minato was laughing along with him in that beautiful, familiar voice of his. No more crackling speakers or hidden intercoms – he spoke right into his ear, hair tickling his cheek. Fuuta could have stayed forever in his arms, just like that. All that mattered was he felt safe. At last, he felt happy.
Talk about impossible.
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#ahhh this was so much fun!!!#i dont usually do oc stuff but i really hope i did minato justice ;-; hes really cool!!#thank you for your answer to my questions btw -- i really appreciated the detail! it was super helpful 👍#sorry its not like fluffy valentines-y? but i still hope its sweet... the ending made me so happy to write :3#i loved the whole concept!#as someone with a non-prisoner non-warden milgram oc i was so interested in his role in the story 👀 i think thats so clever and cool!#i wanted to try my hand at this prompt but i really loved the other one too omg 🏳️⚧️🥺#and thank you sm for putting on this event!! ive seen so many people getting really excited about their gifts#so many of my milgram pals had an awesome time working on theirs - we appreciate you running it :)#drabbles
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Hi, some friends recommend me your feline au, what's about, the difference of the Canon and the kwamis swaps.
Oh and how you feel about fanarting your aus?
hi anon! thank u for asking <3
my Feline Blue AU is an alternate universe where, before picking ladybug and chat noir, Master Fu is hunted down and eventually murdered by Hawkmoth. Before he is killed, he passes guardianship down to Marinette, who happens to be an innocent passerby in the wrong place at the wrong time.
The kwamis explain everything to her, and after a long time of thinking, she decides to accept being guardian and begin fighting Hawkmoth. She knows she has to wield either the black cat or the ladybug, but having suddenly so much burden on her shoulders, the idea of being the hero that’s supposed to ‘save the day’ and ‘fix’ everything in the end is too overwhelming (and maybe the idea of being able to destroy anything she wants with a single touch is a bit too tempting after having so much of her life and choices ripped away). So, she becomes the black cat holder and Feline Blue comes into play!
I don’t want to give too much away as to how Adrien gets the earrings but I will tell you it is NOT Marinettes choice and she is NOT happy about it (but she doesn’t know it’s Adrien) :)
as for differences between canon - i’m going to try to follow the events of canon (as well as akumas), but i’m going to be altering them and adding new ones as well! but the main changes are:
The entire miracuclass gets different miraculous.
Marinette is much more reserved and passive, trying not to attract attention to her civilian self but ultimately isolating herself further in her role as guardian. She does still have her school friends, but she maintains a steady distance between all of them.
Marinette still has a crush on Adrien but that shit gets repressed hardcore.
Adrien wants to be Marinettes best friend and help get her out of her ‘shell’, much to her refusal.
Hawkmoth is a straight up murderer he doesn’t play around, which in turn makes Feline a bit ruthless.
Fu is gone, leaving only the kwamis to guide Marinette.
Chapters 3 and 4 are currently in the works, where we get to meet everyone’s favorite blonde boy, the first akuma attack, and our new heroes. I have so much planned for this AU, I promise it’ll be worth the wait <3
I LOVE fanart for my aus! you’re completely welcome to draw/write/make anything for this AU just please please please tag me for credit and so I can see it and add it to my hoard of art of them!
if you have any more questions feel free to ask away I love talking about this au lol
#ml feline blue au#ml fbau#carpetbug answers#i hope this answered your question!! sorry if it didn’t lol i’m just trying to not give too much away#Y’all aren’t ready for all the art i’m going to drop once feline and beetle are actually out in the world >:3 i’ve been obsessed with them#since november and I’m collecting other people’s art guys i’m sitting on top of a goldmine pretty much#i also am desperately trying not to spoil my plans for Luka but AUGHAUAGA it’s so hard
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D&D Character Asks - Gan
1. What influenced or inspired the creation of this character?
They were originally created in the Dragon Age universe as a cousin to my HoF, Briva Tabris. I wanted my Tabris to have some family for post DAO and decided on a cousin that would travel with her (since I didn't want Shianni or Soris to fill that role). I've brought them over to BG3 now (which I'm basing these asks off of) because they weren't tied to another central story and they are my evil/morally dubious character for RPing those things.
5. What creature would they like to have as a pet?
A ferret - I've made their love of ferrets carry over to multiple universes where I've used them (Dragon Age, Fallout New Vegas, Wasteland 3, Baldur's Gate 3). Why I chose ferrets, I couldn't tell you but I think they are adorable lol
7. Is there anyone they’d die for? Kill for?
Die for? Absolutely not. Let's get one thing clear, Gan dies for no one. Kill for though? A handful of folks - Astarion, Minthara, Shadowheart, Étoile (@omgkalyppso OC), Ixbalam (@meishuu OC), Penelope (@bhaalbaaby OC), and their family if they ever decided to get over their self imposed exile from them.
8. Who was their first love?
A femme elf I wrote about in this post
9. How would this character react to someone confessing their love for them?
So it depends on the circumstances but if we're talking about the normal one of someone they're involved with, it still depends LOL.
If it's a situation where they weren't expecting it because they had completely different ideas of what they had with the other person, they would listen and gauge whether or not they needed to say those words back to them. If they can get by without having to say them and just react kind of similarly through action to keep the person from being brokenhearted they will do that instead.
If they are kind of expecting it and they feel a bit like the other person, they will verbally express caring about the person but not love.
A confession of your love for them does not guarantee they will be confessing love for you. Only when they are ready will love be expressed 🤷🏾♀️
10. How old is this character?
Gan is 138 at the start of Baldur's Gate 3
18. What is their favorite spell or method of attack?
Method of attack - melee sneak attack with daggers coated in a paralytic poison
General spell - Disguise Self
Spell in combat - Greater Invisibility
#Ilina Gavren#Gan#BG3 tav#BG3 OC#BG3#Baldur's Gate 3#razmeta#if you were tagged - I love your OCs and I hold them to my bosom in Gan's stead 🥺😂#long post#I hope to find more BG3 OCs by others that Gan is willing to kill for LMAO#and no I didn't feel like answering every question
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Hello Finn 🪻 I have a question about Astarion and I really enjoying your Analyse so I hope you can help me! And sorry if my Englisch is weird but it is not my mother tongue so it a bit hard but anyway my question is: Is astarion regret killing Cazador? Because I watch a let's play and there the Player just finished the Cazador Story and Astarion seemed very sad and back in camp he said that it is stupid to think about him despite the death and now I'm confused. So is he regretting? Thank you 😊
Hello there, sweetheart!
So first of: Please don't worry. English isn't my native either, so I totally get it!
And then to your question:
I don't think regret is the issue here, no.
His mood after Cazador's death is far from the happy "I'M FINALLY FREE!"-attitude one might expect and that is based on a thousand factors at once.
Before even getting to Cazador, he was faced with a very harsh truth about his own dealings - seven thousand harsh truths. So he's burdened by that. He's faced down his abuser only to be mocked further. He was, once again, confronted with the very true possibility of death. His life was, once again, in someone else's hand for a short moment. He had to fight, and he had to make a huge decision right there after.
There's a lot happening in a very short amount of time, a lot he has to deal with, and he's probably shocked, overwhelmed, and panicked. But that isn't even all.
Astarion is mourning, too.
He's not mourning Cazador, the man that tortured and abused him for so many years, no. He's mourning himself.
Astarion mentions it himself at various points in the game, but he was in the prime of his life when he was turned.
He was a very young elf, only 39, when a group of Gur attacked him and beat him to deaths door over a decision he'd made as magistrate. He was only 39 when he was forced to choose between becoming a spawn or dying a horrible, unfair death.
And no man is an island - Astarion might've had family or friends, pets or even lovers. He probably had plans for himself, goals he wanted to achieve and places he wanted to see. He had an entire life to live, a life he was forced to abandon because someone else made it necessary.
He's mourning that, the man he never got to be, and the things he'll never be able to regain. He's mourning all the pain he had to endure in his second life, the things he had to face under Cazadors reign and all that it cost him.
He's mourning everything - what was, what is and what could never be.
But why is he mourning? He's free now, right? He can now do the things he always wanted to. He even got his revenge, so he should be fine, right?
Well...wrong. That is not how trauma; how healing works and that is the reality he's now faced with.
Those who've faced abuse often live with a "Once I get there" mindset. It's a very normal way of trying to cope, of trying to hold on and keep going. They tend to cling to the idea that once they get to a certain point or achieve a certain goal, they'll be fine.
Once I can move out, I'll be fine.
Once I graduate, I'll be free.
Once I get my revenge, I'll be okay again.
People tend to think that the removal of a stressor is enough to make everything okay because that is usually how stress works. And yes, it's faulty thinking but it's completely normal and very common - I believed in it, most of my clients believe in it and Astarion very much believed the same.
I'd go as far as to say that he desperately tried to delude himself deeper into that sort of thinking. (Also very common behaviour.)
If, for example, you go and deal with Lorroakan before dealing with Cazador, we can get a tiny glimpse of that.
Dame Aylin is not as elated and happy after the battle, and Astarion notices. He comments on it, and you, as Tav, can say something along the lines of how revenge may not be all it's hyped up to be or ask him if he's worried he's going to feel the same. Astarion almost immediately draws back and denies it - it will be great, Aylin is probably just tired. His revenge will be the most amazing day of his life and super satisfying, and he'll enjoy it a ton.
Now, after his revenge, he's faced with the ugly truth. Revenge truly isn't all it is said to be.
The conversation you mention is probably the day after, the one where he wonders why he is still thinking about Cazador. Cazador is dead, and he should be done with it, but he clearly isn't.
And that is something he didn't want to see before.
Revenge doesn't magically heal him. His wounds don't suddenly disappear, and everything that happened doesn't suddenly fade to nothingness just because he finally got to kill Cazador.
It's all still there, it still hurts, and he's still not okay.
That is the thing that's hurting him, the thing that could be taken for regret.
It's not truly regret.
It's just the behaviour of a man who is still in pain after all he had to do. Who hoped he'd be cured by doing this thing - a thing that was difficult and painful and terrifying - only to be let down.
It's just Astarion, realising that healing will take time, and nothing, no revenge in all the realms, will change that.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate#astarion#astarion ancunin#i hope that answered your question!#if not hit me up and I'll try again!
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How does your Sona look as the normal version?
How big is the little and normal version?
Aw man, it really depends
So, cricket is a space dragoon. They travel all over the universe, and when they want to visit a planet, they shapeshift, they can shrink or grow to adapt to their environment
The smallest size is chonky rat, middle is chonky cat/chicken, biggest/normal is space entity, could wake the ocean big
Here are a couple of old sketches, although cricket is my species, the dragoon, they physically walk on their wings like a wyvern, legs of a budgie bird and have the body of a rodent, with secret arms under the fur, like t-rex >:3
#had to pull up my old scrolls XD#i could go more in depth but then it would just be lore#i know this is a lot i just love frankestein creatures#hope this answered your question :3#bugs interacts
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What is your Alastor’s goal? Like if the reader became so broken by him would he throw them out? Is he hoping for a balance of obedience as well as disobedience? We all know he gets bored very quickly so I’m wondering what’s your thoughts on this? Where is that fine line between entertaining to boring?
ah okay so!!! beware, i kinda rambled on beneath the read more ahahaha (*ﾉωﾉ)ᵉᵉᵏ
well if i’m going to be completely honest with you, he doesn’t necessarily have an overarching ‘goal’ since i’ve only been writing little fragments of their lives together/their relationship. he has a goal in each piece, obv, and they’re all very simple of course, because more than anything i write for myself and to explore a character i really love in silly lil scenarios my mind creates ehehe. but if i had to give him a larger goal that encompasses all of the fragments, it would be companionship.
as i mentioned in this ask, he’s drawn to reader because of her extreme devotion to him without the need of a contract; how she’s willing to do anything for him, to quite literally be his obedient little pet and always stares up at him with stars of worship in her eyes, all on her own. it’s pure, it’s real, and he loves that. but just because she is unwaveringly subservient, doesn’t mean she is incompetent or unable to do things on her own + be independent. she won’t cling to him unless he wants it.
he does give her tasks to do and hobbies to take up (certain books to read, certain activities to do etc.) because his pet needs to be well-read + intelligent and all of that. she has her own errands + duties to attend to as well, so she’s more than a mindless little doll (because you’re right, he would get bored of that SO fast); it’s more just that she has to be (and is) willing to drop everything for alastor the moment he wants her to—and he is absolutely drunk off of the potent power this grants him. there are an infinite amount of scenarios he can throw her into in order to play with this extreme level of ownership and control, which means he can always find a way to keep things interesting, fresh, and fun.
i write alastor as an extreme sadist and as someone who is only aroused and able to get off on serious sadism, right? her pain (physical, mental, emotional; any kind) is what ‘turns him on’. additionally, we know that alastor is extremely shady and manipulative, and has a bit of a sick, twisted ‘playful’ side to him—with means he isn’t above playing dirty, provoking reader into misbehaving or tricking her into breaking a rule, solely so he has an excuse to punish her or otherwise hurt her. he doesn’t need an excuse, obviously, he knows she’ll ultimately let him do whatever the fuck he wants to her, but it’s more fun when she unintentionally breaks a rule, because there’s an extra layer of psychological pain there; shame and guilt for disobeying her master.
he knows she loves it too, though; she loves playing that foul little game just as much as he does, and she isn’t entirely meek either; she will speak back to him on occasion, will beg him to stop or let some snarky little remark slip (she almost does this in the piece about alastor dressing you in white) or shove at him etc, but it’s really just this messed up little cat-and-mouse routine that comes with the 100% guarantee that she’ll never escape or leave him, no matter what he puts her through or how much she pretends to push back. i mean, she’d have to have some sort of streak of vile wickedness running through her blood to be as insanely attracted to him as she is.
so, really, that’s where the line between obedience and disobedience is drawn; she may be playfully bratty back, but never to the point of actual disrespect, and never for real. she might whine a bit about him intentionally tricking her into breaking rules etc, but she’ll also play up that aspect of guilt etc because she knows he gets off on it, and she gets off on serving + pleasing him.
wHEW okay, hopefully this answers ur questions!!! thanks for taking an interest in my iteration of alastor, that’s really cool and it makes me feel so aaaah happy n warm hehehe <33
#sorry this is a lil messy HAHA but i feel like it answers ur questions!!#thank u again for your ask!! c:#i hope ur weekend is going well!#please stay safe and hydrated <3#inky.bb#inky.alastor#clari gets mail
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