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#i haven't but i may rethink if it takes off
utilitycaster · 12 days
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I love your thoughts on Astrid and I think a lot about whether her initial ambition to become powerful for the sake of power turned into the ambition for power so no one else has power over her. I truly do not think she begrudges Wulf his faith any more than she begrudges Caleb his new life though I would not be surprised if both are sources of some pain for her. (in a way the three of them remind me of trees. Caleb lost a part of himself but that allowed new sprouts to come forth. Wulf found faith that allowed the damage to be lessened by giving support to the damaged part of the tree. And Astrid is the one with neither who grows around the damage in the only direction she ever knew though it costs her much more in the long term than the other solutions)
Hi anon,
So I think I say this whenever I get similar asks - completely valid to have your own headcanons, but (and this is foreshadowing for the rest of this ask) I am not much of a people pleaser and I will openly disagree, as I'm about to, and this might be a conversation better had in DMs or replies or something because doing so via anon gets to be a lot of back and forth.
I really respect people who relate to Astrid as a survivor of abuse who finds some measure of peace and who simply acknowledges she, Eadwulf, and Caleb all found separate ways to move forward. I completely understand that can be very meaningful and would never take that interpretation from them.
With that said, I happen to personally prefer a view of Astrid who is capable of that bitterness. I like the possibility that she is not just ambitious (which, that on its own is often considered sufficient to lambast female characters; see the Suvi Kedberiket discourses surrounding Worlds Beyond Number) but also very angry, and at times bitter, and at times resentful.
I think a lot of fans struggle with the gray area between unambigously heroic women and unambiguously villainous ones, both because in that gray area is a complexity women in fiction are frequently denied, and also because it requires a look at specific emotions women aren't supposed to have. Women can be sad; they can be traumatized; and they've been granted such qualities as "determined" or "can use a sword" or "leaders" but I think people really still struggle with anger, and especially anger that is not specifically directed towards abusers (like Beau or Yasha or Vex) nor righteous (like Keyleth) but petty or even simply irrational.
I like Astrid as a woman who might hold a grudge she knows intellectually is unfair but who feels it anyway. I think about how she wanted to kill Trent in the moment, and that Fjord (someone whose story is very much about both forgiveness and the legitimacy of grudges and a desire for power) validates her for it even though it's true that Caleb's method of exposing Trent's crimes is probably more effective. I like her as someone who is incredibly intelligent and who probably has an idea of what the "good" thing to do is and still feels a lot of ugly feelings and possibly always will, even though she has found a much healthier way forward. I don't know quite how this interrogation will go, but it is interesting that she's in hiding in Zadash and has apparently not openly broken with the Assembly.
It's funny, because this is on some level what many people want for much of Bells Hells - they want them to be angry at the gods for neglecting them. It's just...they also want that anger to be righteous. And sometimes anger isn't. Anger is often petty and detrimental and yet still very real. What appeals to me about Astrid is that she is very much a complicated person who does straddle a line between ally and antagonist and is permitted a depth and messiness and moral ambiguity that many fans deliberately try to excise from women (and, for that matter, characters of color/in-world racialized characters and many queer characters). So I do like an Astrid who clearly cares for Caleb and for Eadwulf and does not treat them poorly, but does perhaps nurse some privately-held grudges.
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yanderes-galore · 3 months
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Aemond vs Lucerys hcs? Romantic (assuming this is enough info-)
Oh dear... sorry if things seem OOC, here you go! I'm still new to writing ASOIAF. Please take note of trigger warnings, this is ASOIAF after all.
I'm an Aemond fan and prefer him but I put this man through hell in this.
Yandere! Aemond Targaryen vs Lucerys Velaryon
Pairing: Romantic - Rivalry
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Canon divergent time-line where Lucerys isn't dead (Dance is either postponed or doesn't happen), Obsession, Violence, Manipulation, Threats, Betrothal, Age Gap Aemond (I think he'd be like 25/26 in this if you and Lucerys are about 18/19), Medieval relationship dynamic (Although you aren't implied to be Targaryen), Swearing, Possessive behavior, Forced affection (From Aemond), Mature themes, Attempted murder/Dueling, Kidnapping mention, Dark themes and unhealthy dynamics, Dubious relationships.
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A rivalry such as this is definitely volatile.
The two have an evident history with each other ever since they were young.
After all, Lucerys took Aemond's eye.
Ever since then the two haven't gotten along.
They most likely never will due to their different sides and past.
You throw in betrothal? You're asking for fights.
Imagine if Lucerys and you are betrothed as ordered by Rhaenyra.
Despite this, Aemond still finds himself fond of you.
Probably has for years.
You've always been adorable to him, yet it angers him that you've been betrothed to the bastard or took his eye.
Lucerys just seems to take everything from him.
It doesn't help that you may also be fond of Lucerys, you aren't marrying him just for duty, but also because of your own feelings.
Aemond has admittedly thought of ways to cancel your betrothal.
He has often asked his mother Alicent to convince Rhaenyra of changing things.
Yet nothing comes of it as both you and Lucerys seem happy.
Which causes Aemond to seethe.
Lucerys is no doubt aware of Aemond's fondness towards you.
It's hard to ignore when the Targaryen's peering eye lingers on you.
Lucerys no doubt dislikes the thought of Aemond trying to separate you both.
Lucerys does not wish to fight his uncle, especially over you.
To Lucerys, the betrothal is final.
You want this, he wants this, that's how it should be.
Yet Lucerys still has to deal with Aemond courting you right up until wedding day.
He's laying the charm on thick, trying his best to make you rethink your agreement with Lucerys.
Lucerys doesn't let Aemond's words sway you.
Your fiancé always manages to catch Aemond trying to court you, pinning you to a wall to try and seduce you.
This always ends in a fight, Lucerys telling off Aemond to stop his advances.
But both of their obsessions only seem to grow.
There's a good chance even after the wedding is official Aemond may just crash it.
That or try to force a conflict between Lucerys, perhaps even suggesting a duel for your hand.
Both men are quite possessive of you and the idea of marrying you.
Even to the point of threats and violence.
Want to make this even worse?
Bring the dragons into it.
Vhagar can sense Aemond's distress towards being unable to have you.
His draconic mount often ends up hearing his complaints when she rests.
Arrax notices the irritation of his own rider towards Aemond's courting.
The dragon often tries to encourage his rider to keep fighting for you.
But it appears their feud just keep sparking up flames.
There's many ways this could end.
One of them kills the other... Aemond kidnaps you... etc...
The two dragons think their riders will resolve this on their own.
But it seems their rivalry will only end in fire and blood.
By the end of it only time will tell who actually gets your hand in marriage.
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punkshort · 9 months
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Chapter warnings: language, descriptions of violence, death, graphic description of dead bodies, angst, smut (m masturbation), sexual tension x a million
A/N: please tell me if I should use any additional tags/warnings on this story. Also this is the longest chapter yet, I knew when I wanted it to end but I kept adding more detail and more scenes as I wrote and it just got away from me oops
Chapter Eleven
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Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak
AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)
Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.
Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters
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December 2003
Chicago, IL
The cold, bitter wind blew off the lake as you trudged through the snow. You had three layers underneath your thick jacket, but you were still freezing. You had forgotten just how cold it felt this close to the lake, but you kept eagerly pushing forward.
"I think I know where we are," you said excitedly to Joel, who had been unusually silent the past few miles. "There's this golf course a couple miles from my house, I think this is it."
"Can hardly see a thing out here," was all Joel said in response. You frowned, annoyed that he was bringing you down when you were finally starting to feel hopeful.
"What's wrong?" you asked, putting an arm out to stop him. He sighed and you watched as a puff of air leave his mouth then dance away on the wind before he turned to look at you.
"I'm just -" he stopped, rethinking his words. "I'm worried. If they ain't there, we need to go to the QZ, and I don't know if it'll be as easy to get out once we're in, like it was before." He paused before adding, "And I'm worried about you... if we don't find what you're expectin'."
"Don't be worried, I know it's a long shot. But I have to try. What else do I have?" You looked up at him through your eyelashes, dusted with snowflakes. You looked so beautiful that it took his breath away. He had to jam his fist into his pocket to keep himself from reaching out and cupping your face.
"You got me," he said, looking at you softly with his heart hammering in his chest. You inhaled sharply. He didn't mean it like it sounded. "We can go out west, see if we can find Tommy. It'll be warmer out there, too," he added nervously.
You could tell he was really trying, he looked anxious as he shifted his gaze to your surroundings, his hands fidgeting deeply in the pockets of his coat. You weren't even sure where you would even begin to look for Tommy, if that plan was even possible, but if he was willing to take you all this way to find your family, the least you could do is agree to try to find his.
"Yeah, okay," you said quietly. His fidgeting stopped, and he made eye contact with you again. "If I can't find my parents, that's a good plan. We can do that." You smiled reassuringly at him now, trying to ease his mind. He gave you a small smile in return and a quick nod, then looked back down at the snow, brushing his nose with the back of his gloved hand.
"Can we get moving, now? I'd like to get out of this cold soon," you said, stomping your feet lightly, trying to get more blood to circulate in your legs.
"Yeah, sure, let's get goin'," he said, and you headed across the golf course towards a wooded area in the distance. If this was the golf course you thought it was, then your neighborhood was just on the other side of those woods.
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You made it to the outskirts of your neighborhood just before dusk. The familiar tree lined streets just a few blocks away from your house made your heart flutter in anticipation. You knew you shouldn’t get excited; you knew it was unlikely they would be there, or even leave any type of note telling you where they went, but you couldn’t help it. This was where you grew up, this was your home. Your memories were etched in these streets: learning how to ride a bike, falling out of the tree and breaking your arm in your best friend’s backyard, trolling the streets at night as teenagers thinking you were tough and cool. A part of you was excited to show your home to Joel, but you quickly stopped that line of thought. He was not your boyfriend you were bringing home to meet your parents. He was your boss who agreed to help keep each other safe these past few months.
You both approached your street as darkness wrapped around you. Joel insisted you survey the street for a while to see if there was any movement before giving away your position. You reluctantly agreed, ducking behind a house on the corner, until you saw light moving inside a house. Your house.
“Oh my god,” you said breathily, “that’s my house. Joel!” you latched onto his forearm, dragging his attention onto you, “My parents!” you gasped.
You lurched forward, but Joel’s hand yanked you back. You angrily spun around to face him.
“I know you’re excited,” he began, clenching both his hands on your shoulders, “but we don’t know if that’s them, it’s been a long time. I think we should wait- “
You cut him off, saying, “It’s got to be them, what are the chances? C’mon, Joel, please!” you begged, clutching his wrist. His gaze bore into yours as you held onto him, and again you whispered, “please,”.
He groaned, unable to deny you when you looked so sweet and adamant. “Alright, just give me a few minutes, let me think of a plan,” he replied, at which your face broke out in a huge smile, still grasping his hand in yours as you bounced on your heels.
“Sure, whatever, I just want to see them,” you replied, looking back at the lights moving around your living room. You couldn’t believe it; your parents were alive! Joel had tried to curb your expectations, but it wasn’t even necessary, they were there. They were right there!
You approached your house in the darkness, unable to keep the smile from your face as Joel led you quietly across the street. He rapped his knuckles three times on the door and pulled out his revolver as he stepped to the side, ready for hostility.  When the door cracked open, it was not what either of you expected.
A man you didn't recognize peered out from around the corner. All you could see was his eye, but he looked terrified as he feverishly looked back and forth between you and Joel.
"Who are you?" he asked, the door still cracked.
"Who am I? Who are you?" you replied before thinking, "this is my house, what are you doing?"
The man faltered a moment and Joel stiffened on the other side of the door. "Are you armed?" the man asked nervously, unable to see Joel's revolver at his side.
"Goddamn right we are," Joel spoke up, his grip on the gun tightening, "you better start explain' yourself."
The man went to slam the door shut but Joel was anticipating it, shoving his boot in the doorway to stop him.
"Alright, alright, I don't mean any harm," the stranger said, opening the door up more and walking backwards with his hands in the air, "come in, I'm not armed, but please don't hurt us."
Us. You entered your living room. It looked the same, except some pieces of furniture were pushed closer together. You glanced up at the wall above the fireplace by habit, seeing your high school graduation photo still prominently displayed, then your eyes settled on a woman cowering in the corner of the room. She was taller than you and blonde, with wide blue eyes and bangs that brushed her eyebrows, and she was shaking with fear. You held your hand out to Joel and pushed his revolver gently towards the floor. He resisted until his gaze met the girl in the corner, and his arms went limp.
The man who answered the door stepped forward, and you noticed now he seemed much younger, maybe around you age. He kept his arms up in front of him as he stood in front of the woman, his eyes pleading.
"Please, we don't mean any harm, we are just looking for a safe place to stay." He repeated, his brown eyes anxiously shifting back and forth between you and Joel.
Joel met your eyeline, and you sighed. Obviously, your parents had moved on, which left you distraught, but these people were harmless.
"It's fine," Joel said, tucking the gun in the back of his jeans. "This is her house," he gestured towards you, "we're lookin' for her parents, you know anythin' about that?"
The man lowered his hands now that Joel put his gun away, and drifted backwards to stand next to the woman, who still looked shaken.
"No, I'm sorry, I don't know who used to live here. We just needed someplace safe to stay for the winter, and this neighborhood was abandoned. We just picked your house randomly, I'm so sorry." the man apologized again, truly looking upset he couldn't help you more. "I'm Tim, this is Lucy," Tim rubbed Lucy's back affectionately, trying to ease her nerves.
You both introduced yourselves and they relaxed a bit, sitting down on the sofa and chairs surrounding the crackling fireplace.
"You think havin' a fire is a good idea? What if someone sees the smoke?" Joel asked, rubbing his hands together.
"Hasn't been a problem yet," Tim replied, "until you two."
You shook your head. "We didn't notice the smoke, but we saw your flashlights."
Tim smacked his palm against his forehead. "The one day I forget to pull the curtains closed, dang it!"
Joel shook his head and learned toward to Tim, "You need to be more careful. You're lucky it was just us," he said, swinging his thumb between the two of you. "You need to be better prepared, you gotta protect her," now motioning towards the Lucy.
Tim's face paled and he gulped nervously, reaching out and clutching Lucy's hand. "Can you give us some pointers? We just left the QZ two weeks ago, we are doing our best out here but," Tim gave Lucy a tight smile, "we could use all the help we could get."
Joel's eyes shifted between Lucy and Tim, then back to you. He didn't want to waste his time helping some kids who clearly were in over their heads, but the look on your face when you turned to meet his gaze changed his mind. He was finding it impossible to say no to you.
"Yeah, alright. For starters, close the damn curtains and put out the fire," he told Tim gruffly.
"How will we stay warm?" Lucy spoke up for the first time, nervously casting her gaze between you and Joel.
"Blankets. Keep your bedroom door closed. Body heat. Set up tents to sleep in inside when the temperatures really drop," you replied curtly. "Only when absolutely necessary should you risk a fire. It's still November, there's a long winter ahead of you."
Joel smiled at you proudly as you spoke, Lucy catching his look. You had been picking up tidbits from him over the past few months, and he was happy to see you've been paying attention.
Tim got up to close the curtains as Joel began to put the fire out. Lucy turned to you, shooting you a nervous smile.
"Tim and I are already in the master bedroom, do you and your boyfriend mind taking the other one?"
"Oh, he's not my boyfriend," you replied quickly. Too quickly. Joel's shoulders tensed over the fireplace. "But no, that's fine, we're used to sharing a bed, and that's my old room anyway."
Lucy smiled at you politely before shifting her eyes between you and Joel curiously, her eyebrows scrunched together as if she was trying to figure something out, then relaxed her brow when Tim returned to her side.
"Alright then, we're going to get some sleep. Obviously, help yourselves to whatever's in the cupboards. It is your house, after all." Tim said, glancing at you with a quick smile.
You nodded and wished them good night as they headed towards your parents’ room. It was just as well: it would have been weird to sleep with Joel in their bed.
The door shut behind them and you got to work rummaging through the familiar cupboards, pulling out some canned food you could eat and without having to think, pulled open the drawer that housed the can opener, and then the silverware. Joel eyed you warily as he sat down at the kitchen table. He knew he wasn't your boyfriend, but the way you quickly corrected Lucy still bothered him.
You ate in silence, leaving one flashlight on between you. Joel looked around your kitchen, trying to imagine you growing up here. His eyes landed on the fridge that had some pictures stuck to it with magnets. Once you were finished eating, he picked up the flashlight and went to take a closer look.
"Oh, those were taken so long ago, I hardly even look the same," you said, noticing where his attention was drawn.
Joel tsk'ed, zeroing in on a picture of you when you were little and drawing with chalk on the sidewalk, then another where you were on a field trip with your 8th grade class, and a third picture where you were in a sparkly red dress for a homecoming dance with some boy's arm around your waist.
"As I said, those were taken a long time ago," you whispered, suddenly appearing beside him. He turned to look at you, really look at you: he could still see the similarities from the pictures in the way you smiled, the shape of your eyes, and the curve of your mouth.
You yawned and reached out to grab your backpack. "Follow me," you said quietly, not wanting to disturb Tim and Lucy.
You led Joel down the hall towards your bedroom and pushed the door open. You were pleasantly surprised that your parents left it exactly the same. You still had posters hung on your wall of the Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and Destiny's Child. The pictures that decorated your dresser mirror were the same ones you shoved in the frame from high school: pictures of you and your friends at dances, at a restaurant, the mall, and a couple with the same boy who was on the fridge.
"Who's the guy?" Joel couldn't help but ask.
"Oh, that's Matt. He was my first boyfriend. We broke up right before college," you said coolly as you pulled out some more comfortable clothes from your backpack and left to go change in the bathroom down the hall.
Joel took the opportunity to look casually through the items on your dresser, sniffing a few different half used perfume bottles and flipping through some CDs. It was strange to be here in your bedroom. He had never considered actually being here before, too focused on the journey and not really thinking about the destination. You returned to the bedroom with a couple of extra blankets in your arms.
"My parents kept these in the hall closet, I already made sure Tim and Lucy had enough," you explained, spreading the blankets over your twin bed. You swallowed nervously, realizing this bed was smaller than the beds you've previously shared. Joel excused himself to go clean up and change as you slid into the sheets, your eyes closing in relief at the familiarity of the room. You didn't realize you had nearly fallen asleep until the mattress shifted, and your eyes snapped open. Joel's leg and arm brushed up against yours as you tried to keep your body from going rigid at the contact. It was unavoidable, your bed was too small, so you forced your body to relax and tried not to overthink it.
"Tomorrow, I'll ask ‘em about the QZ. If they can share any details about the place, then I think we can go there lookin' for your folks," he whispered in the dark.
"Mhmm, sounds good," you whispered back, still struggling to control your reaction from being so close to him. Your whole body felt hot. You told yourself it was just the extra blankets, but you knew better. Whenever he had been this close before, it was in your sleep, your mind was unable to process his touch until he was already pulling away from you. You squirmed a little, trying to get more comfortable.
"You need more room?" he asked, about to move before you stopped him.
"No, I'm fine, thanks," you said quickly, and turned to your side, finally getting a few more inches between you.
Joel stared at your back longingly. It seemed like every day something reminded him of what he would never have. The way you shirked away from his touch and how you made it perfectly clear you were nothing more than companions to Lucy felt like a punch in the gut. It's been months, and he still couldn't get his mind off you. You were becoming a burning need and it was driving him crazy. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing sleep to come so he could find some peace.
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You woke up the next morning feeling well rested and warm. Really warm. With your eyes still shut, you burrowed into your bedsheets deeper to enjoy the warmth a little longer before having to wake up and face the frigid Midwest. You nuzzled your face forward and froze when your nose and lips met skin instead of a blanket. You slowly opened your eyes and found yourself face to face with Joel’s chest. You must have shifted around and ended up facing him at some point overnight. You stared at the exposed skin of his neck, taking in the little details of his tanned and pebbled skin, examining every birthmark you could lay your eyes on, then leisurely allowed your gaze to travel upwards where his prickly beard scattered over his neck, jaw, and upper lip. You inspected the patchy spots in his beard, seeing a few grey hairs sprouting up on the corners of his jaw. You noticed one bald spot resembled a heart, making you ache with the desire to press your lips there. His lips looked soft and plush, and you remembered how good they felt pushed against your own as they maneuvered your mouth open. His nose was sharp and angular, your favorite feature after his eyes. You were caught up in examining the wrinkles developing around his face when he woke up suddenly and his gaze immediately fixated on you.
You now realized you had your arms tangled around each other. Even your leg was wedged in between his under the blankets. You both lay on your sides, faces inches away, as you continued to stare at one another silently. Joel's eyes flicked down your face, examining you the same way you had just done to him. You felt your cheeks flush under the scrutiny, and you parted your lips to take in more air as your heart thumped wildly in your chest. Joel noticed the movement, his gaze fixed on your lips before flicking back up to your eyes. He exhaled softly through his nose, the puff of air blowing gently over your face. The air around you was thick with tension, causing you to shiver involuntarily. Joel lifted his hand from your hip to cup your face, his thumb brushing against your lips. You sighed and your eyes fluttered shut, unable to resist leaning into his touch this time. He took a moment to appreciate the gentle features of your face while your eyes were closed. He ran his thumb over your lips again, marveling at how soft they were. He swallowed nervously, moving his thumb from your lips to rest on your cheek, then leaned forward, closing his eyes when his nose tenderly nudged your own.
A sharp knock on the door made you gasp and jump away. You sat up in bed, clutching the blanket to your chest and Joel laid back with a frustrated groan, roughly running his hands up and down his face.
"Yes!" you yelped; your voice high pitched. Lucy's quiet voice on the other side of the door answered.
"Just checking on you, we have breakfast and coffee whenever you're ready!"
"Be right out!" you replied, voice still too high, no doubt the result of your nerves short circuiting. You stared down at your hands, unsure what to say.
"Did you sleep alright?" you finally asked, a question he usually was asking you. You fidgeted with the edge of the blanket and turned to look at him, anxiously waiting for his answer. He dragged his hands down from his face and let them rest on his stomach, then shot you a grin.
"Slept fuckin' great," he said, grinning wider as he watched your face heat up from embarrassment, and you bit your lip to hold back a smile of your own. It took everything he had to not grab you and pull you back into his arms as you stood up and walked to the door.
"I'll see you in a minute," you said shyly, and closed the door behind you. You headed to the bathroom first, giving yourself a moment to catch your breath. You hovered over the sink and stared at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair was a mess, and your face was flushed. You looked completely wrecked. What were you thinking? The tension was beginning to be too much, and maybe if you just had sex and got it out of your system, just one time, it would help clear your head. It doesn't have to mean anything. If that was all he was willing to offer you, would that be so bad? You could separate the physical from the emotional, right? You sighed, raking your fingers through your hair to tame it, and went to meet Tim and Lucy in the kitchen.
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"Fuck," Joel whispered out loud to himself after you left. He palmed his erection over his sweatpants, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. It had been so long since he last jerked off. It was risky, you could come back in here at any moment, but he was convinced he would be hard half the day if he didn't take care of himself.
He pushed his sweatpants down just enough to pull out his cock, squeezing his eyes shut as he gripped himself firmly, setting a fast pace right away, knowing it wouldn't take him long. He let out short, quick gasps as he replayed the events from that morning: the way he caught you looking at him when he woke up, the sound you made when you sighed into his hand, your soft lips. "Shit," he groaned through clenched teeth, his hips thrusting into his fist as he imagined those lips wrapped around his cock, looking up at him through your eyelashes, your face all flushed as you brought him into your mouth as far as you could before stifling a gag.
He frantically reached out to the bedside table where he saw a few scarves piled near the lamp, snatching one and catching his release just in time before he made a mess all over your bed. He laid there for a few minutes catching his breath and then tucked himself back into his pants, shoving the scarf deep under your bed. He reluctantly stood up to change his clothes and ran his fingers through his hair before heading towards the kitchen.
"Oh my goodness, that sounds awful!" Joel heard you saying as he walked into the room. The three of you sat around the table with mugs of coffee, some oatmeal and pop-tarts. He sat down in a chair next to you and poured himself coffee before digging into the food.
"It got really bad there, we just couldn't risk sticking around. From what others were saying, it was just as bad in any other city," Tim had finished saying. You turned to Joel, faltering for a split second when your eyes met, before explaining.
"They just told me the QZ is a shitshow. People are having their food rationed, they're doing grunt work for hardly anything in return, and some people are being attacked for their supplies and the soldiers don't do anything to stop it," you said, listing each item off on your fingers as you spoke.
"Well, it could have been worse. We heard stories about soldiers going to neighborhoods and filling up trucks with people, telling them they'll go to the QZ, but the trucks never arrived," said Lucy, eyes wide. "Rumor has it, there wasn't enough room, so the soldiers shot everyone and left them on the side of the road."
"Why would they do that?" you gasped, a hand over your mouth.
"Dead people can't turn into infected," said Tim sadly, "that's why we stuck it out in the QZ as long as we could."
"How long were you there for?" Joel asked, pausing to take a sip of the piping hot coffee. He looked around, frowning, wondering for the first time how they heated up food, and then he saw the fireplace roaring. His eyes flicked back to Tim angrily.
"I know, I know, we're gonna put it out, we just wanted to warm up a bit and make something to eat," he waved off Joel's glare with a chuckle, "besides, you couldn't even see the smoke last night."
"We were distracted, anyone else walkin' up this street will see it. I'm warnin' you right now," Joel scowled and pointed his finger menacingly at Tim, "if you get her hurt 'cause you ain't listenin' to me, I'm gonna make the QZ look like a fuckin' playground." The whole table was silent while Joel stared daggers into Tim's paling face. You were confused why Joel was so protective over Lucy, a stranger by all accounts, until the coffee kicked in and it clicked: Joel wasn't referring to Lucy. He was talking about you. You could feel the tips of your ears getting red.
You cleared your throat, trying to break the tension at the table. Then a thought occurred to you. You got up quickly and snatched a picture off the mantle over the fireplace, bringing it back to the table and slid it between Lucy and Tim.
"Did you ever see those two people in the QZ?" you asked desperately, your gaze bouncing between them as they examined the photo carefully. They frowned as they stared into the faces of your smiling parents, then slowly shook their heads.
"I'm sorry, I don't think so. But it was a big place," said Lucy, "it's possible they could be there, and we just never saw or noticed them!"
You sighed, thanking them anyway, and pulled the picture back towards you. Joel could see the disappointment in your eyes, and he wanted to take your mind off it. His gaze traveled to a corner of the kitchen where he saw a bow leaning up against the wall with a quiver of arrows. He nodded towards it.
"Where'd you get that?" he asked, standing up to inspect it. You looked up and gasped.
"That's mine! Oh my god, I had no idea my parents kept it."
"Yeah, we found it in the basement. We didn't have any weapons, so we figured it was better than nothing. I've never even used a bow before," Tim said. Joel picked it up and pulled on the strings a few times, then picked up a couple arrows and flicked the tips to test their sharpness.
"You mind if we borrow it? I wanna try to get us something substantial to eat. Looks like it's gonna be a nice day," Joel said, peeking out the window up at the sun, watching the icicles on the gutters drip.
Tim agreed, since it wasn't really his to begin with. You insisted on leaving your pistol on the counter with them, in case of an emergency. Lucy shuddered when she saw the gun, and Tim picked it up to put it in the cupboard next to the sink.
"She hates guns," he explained quietly to you as you and Joel got ready to head out to hunt. "After seeing so much brutality in the QZ, she can't stand them. I'm just trying to keep her calm and happy, so I do as she says." He smiled at you both as you walked through the front door. Before you walked away, Joel turned back to Tim and just simply said "Fire," in a forceful tone, to which Tim nodded and gave a thumbs up, closing the door behind you.
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The two of you walked silently down the street back towards the woods you came from, your heads swiveling every so often to make sure no one else was around. The sun was bright, and it was bouncing off the white snow, making you wince. You could tell as you walked that the few inches of snow that was on the ground was breaking up under the warmth. It would probably mostly be gone by nighttime, leaving muddy and dead grass to admire.
Once you reached the woods, Joel did his best to track any animal prints that looked fresh. He wasn't exactly an expert, but he knew enough. You followed closely behind him and kept your eyes on the trees for any movement. You had been walking around the woods for almost an hour before you stopped to rest. You found a fallen tree trunk elevated a bit from the ground that you could both comfortably sit on. You took a sip from your canteen as you glanced around. The forest was so still and quiet, it felt peaceful. You closed your eyes for a moment to savor it, unaware Joel was watching you closely.
Neither of you had mentioned anything about this morning. Joel felt a glimmer of hope inside him that maybe not all was lost, that maybe you could feel the same way he did. He wanted to talk about it, but he didn't want to scare you off and ruin the progress he had made. He cleared his throat, the noise grabbing your attention and making you open your eyes to look at him.
"So," he began, fiddling with the bow in his hands, his eyes cast downward, "I guess when we get back, we oughta ask 'em how they escaped from the QZ, then we can make a plan, get in and see if we can find your folks."
"Mhm, that sounds good," you said, watching him pick at the bow. "Maybe we should stay one more night, then leave early tomorrow."
He looked up at you now, unable to hide the shock from his face. He expected you would want to leave right away, eager to find your family. He scanned your face, seeing a small, playful smile, and he swallowed roughly. You wanted to stay another night for a reason.
His breath caught in his throat, and he could feel the warmth spreading across his cheeks. He hoped you would think the cold air was to blame as he shifted his weight on the log, dragging his gaze from you and onto the trees.
"Yeah," he finally squeezed out, "that's fine, we can leave tomorrow."
You bit your lip and turned your head away from him so he wouldn't see the smile that threatened to spill across your face.
You heard a snap of a twig nearby, drawing both of your attention as you fixated on the location of the noise. You froze when you saw a fat rabbit about 10 yards away, happily munching on some grass that had been exposed by the sun. Joel slowly reached down for the bow, but without looking you reached your hand out to place on top of his, stopping him. You motioned with your fingers to hand over the bow. You were more familiar with it, but it had been a long time. It was like riding a bike, right?
You loaded an arrow slowly into the bow, and drew back the string silently, closing one eye and aiming straight ahead. You let out a slow breath, then held it for half a second before letting go of the string. You cried out in happiness when the arrow made contact, killing the rabbit instantly. Joel swiveled his head towards you with a huge grin plastered on his face, beaming with pride.
You held the rabbit by the feet as you made your way back to the house, explaining you used to shoot archery in middle school but lost interest. The adrenaline from the kill combined with the excitement of what lied ahead for you and Joel was making you dizzy with happiness. You should have known something was going to ruin it.
You were a few doors down from your house, still smiling and teasing Joel about how much of a better hunter you were when his eyes fell on the front door of your house, and he froze. You stopped automatically, following his gaze to the front door of the house that was wide open. You both stood there for a minute, waiting to see if Tim was going to appear walking back inside with a bucket of snow to melt, but he never did. You turned to Joel, your eyes filled with worry.
"Did he leave the door open?" you asked shakily, hoping there was a reasonable explanation. Joel slowly shook his head, eyes still trained on the house. You looked around you now, trying to make out any footprints in the snow that may have been foreign, and Joel looked around at the houses on the street for movement. When it appeared to be quiet and still, you both begrudgingly approached your home, afraid of what you would find.
Joel stepped through the door first, his face immediately contorting in a grimace. He held his arm out to keep you back, but you refused, dropping the rabbit and pushing past him, gasping at the sight before you. Tim and Lucy were slaughtered, laying lifeless on your living room floor. Blood seeped into the beige carpet, making it spongy and red. Their eyes were open and staring up at the ceiling, their mouths agape as blood slowly trickled from their multiple stab wounds.
You bit back a sob, turning away to focus on literally anything except them. Joel desperately wanted to comfort you, but he first needed to know the bandits were gone, so he advanced into the small house, clearing each room before returning to find you standing in the kitchen, tears streaming down your face.
He briefly noticed the cupboards were left wide open, all the food taken, as well as the pistol you left for Tim, before he reached out to envelop you in his arms. You sank into his embrace, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. His eyes flicked back to the scene in the living room.
“That fuckin’ fire, I told him to put it out,” he said, staring at the small flames still licking at the embers.
You tried to argue with Joel about burying them, but he didn’t want to risk it. He wanted to get back into the forest behind the shelter of the pine trees. You had packed up your things quickly while Joel draped a couple sheets over their bodies. He made sure to grab the rabbit you killed before hurrying you out the front door and back towards the forest, not stopping until you were miles away and you begged him to take a break. He relented only when he found a secluded spot where he felt safe making a small fire to cook the rabbit. As you ate, he examined his map, trying to figure out where you were in relation to the QZ. He was fairly certain you were heading in the right direction, his eyes lifting up towards the sun and then turned the map around in his hands.  
“I think we’re here,” he told you, pointing to a green area on the map. “If we hook up with this road here,” he dragged his finger over to a thick line on the page, “then that will take us right into the city, and we can find the QZ.” You nodded, cleaning off your plates in what little snow remained on the ground. “You doin’ ok?” he asked you hesitantly. You stopped cleaning the plates to look up at him.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you assured him, “just… that could’ve been us. It scared me.” You held his gaze for a moment, trying to express how much he meant to you with a look. Joel shook his head and leaned forward to grip your hand.
“It ain’t gonna be us, we don’t make stupid mistakes like that, you understand me?” You nodded, your eyes raking over his face, wondering if your luck will eventually run out. He gave your hand one more squeeze before standing up, urging you to pack up so you could make it to the QZ before nightfall.
The road Joel had pointed out to you on the map was deserted, surrounded only by thick forests and a few abandoned cars as you made your way slowly towards the city. You kept your gaze on the ground in front of you, absentmindedly kicking a stone here or there as you walked beside Joel, who was on high alert for raiders and gripping his rifle tightly in his hands. The road curved and steered you towards an open field, where you could now see buildings not too far off in the distance. Suddenly, Joel stretched his arm out across your chest, stopping you both. You looked up at him, confused, then followed his gaze. Not far ahead, you could see a pile of bodies on the side of the road, just like Lucy had warned. You held your breath, unable to fathom how evil those soldiers must be to execute all those innocent people. He looked down at you, and you nodded to him, telling him you were ok, to keep walking.
You continued down the road, both of you unable to keep your eyes off the bodies as you got closer. You couldn’t tell how long they had been there, the harsh winter had likely preserved their bodies, but with the snow melting today, you could make out most of their exposed faces and clothes. Your eyes scanned over a few of the bodies on top and that’s when you saw them: their bodies twisted and lifeless, laid next to one another on the side of the pile.
You dropped to your knees in the middle of the street, not even registering the pain from the impact. Then your vision went blurry before blackness creeped along the edges. You forced out a choked cry, unable to control the volume of your voice as sobs shook your body. Joel’s arms were around you instantly, cutting off your view from your parents, and kneeled down in the street with you, holding you to his chest to muffle your screams, rocking you back and forth until your breathing slowed and you ran out of tears.
Chapter Twelve
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Taglist: @chiogarza, sparklejumpropequeen-777
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kit-kat-katie · 3 months
Text
I love you, but you love him, and he loves me
A/N: Sometimes I forget that the things that I say have a tendency to age like milk... apologies for the lack of updates and fics. I've been drowning in schoolwork since the semester started and I haven't had much of a chance to work on an extended fic like Our Time. The current plan is to have this post up for February, put up a Johanna fic in April/May, and then finish up Our Time over the summer (hopefully). Anyways, here's some Clove fluff that's a week late for Valentine's Day! :D
oh, thanks for 100 followers! I am so happy that people enjoy my content without a regular schedule. thank you so so much again!
TW: underage drinking/smoking, brief mention of weed, small fighting scene, reader is put into uncomfortable romantic situation
Pairing: Clove x GN! Reader (Rivals to Lovers in 2x speed)
Summary: You love Clove. She likes Cato. Cato likes you. Your life is a comedic love triangle until your best friend's drunken disaster causes you to connect with Clove and discover something new about her.
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“On your left.” 
Catelyn gives you a quick warning before flipping you on the back and slamming you against the mat. You squirm against her grip for a moment before spotting a weakness in her legs.
An opening.
You grab her leg and pull her to the ground before taking her hands and pinning them to the ground.
“Don’t count me out yet.” You sneer as she scoffs.
“Fucker.” She mumbles as a buzzer goes off in the distance.
You immediately jump off of her and offer a hand up, which Catelyn begrudgingly takes.
“Trying to impress your girl?” She raises an eyebrow before you shove her aside.
Clove’s staring at the two of you, well, just you since Catelyn’s stepped off the mat to grab a drink of water. Her eyes immediately drift off to look elsewhere as you let out a sigh.
You wish she’d look at you longer, as much as she looked at Cato.
It’s funny, in an ironic way.
You love her.
She loves him.
And he’s paused his sparring to walk over to you.
Probably to ask you on a date or to go drinking or to go do something with romantic undertones that you don’t want to do.
So he loves you.
Catelyn had egged the two of you on before realizing that you wanted nothing more than for him to leave you alone. You didn’t want to refuse Cato’s invitations - he was the choice for a Hunger Games tribute in the near future, and that’d piss off more people than your trickiness could outmaneuver.
Perhaps running through a nearby window would be the best way to avoid him?
…And he’s right in front of you.
You glance behind him, only to see Clove's jaw tighten.
Fuck.
~
An invite.
“That's all he wanted?” Catelyn teases as you make your way to the place where Cato always invited you after sparring practice.
It wasn't like the two of you were going to be alone. It was a tradition for the top contenders for this year's Hunger Games to engage in a few… adult activities before the Reaping occurred. This way, the two tributes shipped off could get to enjoy a little bit of adulthood before heading to the Capital.
It wasn't anything too awful, just some cheap booze and a few blunts to pass around. Any people that passed you all by would simply look the other way - who'd want to risk being harassed by a group of teenagers?
You didn't usually partake beyond a few sips from some cheap bottle of booze - someone needed to carry Catelyn home, after all.
When the two of you slip behind a pair of buildings, a few boys around Cato's age wave you over.
“Let's get this over with.” You grumble, hoping to spend this evening without uncomfortably resting in Cato's arms.
~
You failed.
Horrendously.
When you arrived, Cato threw an arm around you and hasn't let you go since. You're tempted to drink more so you don't remember what he's said or done, but seeing your friend nearly face plant into a campfire has you rethinking that decision.
As if matters couldn't get any worse, Clove arrived just in time to see Cato place a kiss on your cheek. She huffs before glaring at the two of you from a fair distance away.
This time, you notice, her glare isn't directed at you.
She's glaring at him.
~
Catelyn's barely able to stumble forward as you throw an arm around your shoulder. She excitedly points at a lamppost and tries to point at it, but she ends up falling out of your grasp and onto the barren road.
“Catelyn, c’mon,” You try to coax your friend from the ground, but she shakes her head, “We've got to get home before sunrise.”
“Nu-uh!” She slurs, face-down in the pavement.
You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose until you hear footsteps come from behind you.
“Need some help?” 
In all of her brazen glory, your knight-in-shining-armor (a black leather jacket, a plain t-shirt, and blue jeans), Clove, offers to help.
“If you don't mind, I know you might be busy with someone else.” You quietly say as she shakes her head.
“I wanted to take a walk to clear my head, away from everyone else.”  She grabs Catelyn from the ground, who whines like a petulant child, before you hoist one of Catelyn’s arms over your shoulder.
Clove does the same, and the three of you walk in silence until a biting question slips off her tongue.
“Do you like Cato?”
“Absolutely not.” The answer leaves your lips before you can refine the words with a bit more thought. “We're friends, sure, but I don't feel anything for him.”
Relief escapes her lips as she takes a deep breath out, then in. She smiles, as do you in return.
“Good, good. I was worried that you were into him.” 
“Why?” You stop, which causes Clove to stop.
“I thought- I thought I liked him, but I saw him kissing you and… I didn't like how it made me feel.” She blushes at her honesty as you bite your lip.
“If you like him, Clove, you can have him. I certainly don't want him.”
She harshly laughs before turning to look at you.
“Don't you get it? All of those times that I saw you two together, I thought I was jealous of you. Today, after seeing him draped over you, I realized that I'm jealous of him.”
Her confession leaves you breathless as you pause to consider her words.
She… likes me.
“Clove, I…” It's your turn to get nervous as you try to meet Clove’s unwavering gaze. “I really, really like you too.”
Catelyn, in a moment of drunken clarity, lifts her head up to look at the both of you before loudly sighing.
“Just kiss already, you idiots!” She lets go of the both of you to (not-so) gracefully fall on the ground as your arm finds its way around her.
You lean in to kiss her, before pausing.
“Is this okay?” You mumble, centimeters away from her lips. 
A mischievous smile slips onto her face as she answers by kissing you back.
You wouldn't have many nights like this again, but this night would always be special to you.
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my-own-walker · 7 months
Text
Someone You've Never Seen Before
A Kyle Spencer Fan Fiction
frat!kyle AU, fem!main character, sexual themes, mature language, use of drugs and alcohol, frat boy antics
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12.
"One, two, three!" Lily shouted, counting off before slamming her red solo cup on the table and raising it to her lips, taking in its contents swiftly. 
I did the same, as well as a few other girls. Tequila slid down my throat, bringing with it a slight burn and warmth that spread through my chest. I shivered and squealed, a bit of energy surging through my body all at once. 
The kitchen was packed solid with bodies. It was a small space that seemed to be bulging at the seams with people. We nestled into the crook of the counter right next to the fridge. As soon as we settled, we had to move multiple times for droves of people getting drinks. The spot was a hub, and we were in the way.
We didn't care, though, because we needed a surface to do shots. We landed in that area after realizing the party was so full, that it would be impossible to enjoy it sober. Lily's sorority sister Sarah brought a bottle of cheap tequila, so we went to work.
Lily tapped my shoulder, knocking me out of my own little world, and pointed her finger in the direction of what I could only assume was the bathroom while saying something I couldn't make out over the buzz of the room. 
She and Sarah disappeared into the throngs of people. I turned back to the counter and poured another shot, took it, and then mixed yet another shot with soda. I swirled the liquid in my cup with my finger and departed from our spot. I knew Lily was not likely to return. I was sure she didn't care anymore. She was too faded already.
I relocated to what I guessed was the living room. There were couches occupied with individuals drinking and making out, and there was a TV in the corner with music coming from it. I winced each time someone got too close to the expensive electronic device, fearing it may tipple over from the actions of one too-drunk person. A free spot on the wall opened up, so I made a beeline for it. 
Leaning against the wall, I pulled out my phone. I saw a few notifications, including a text from Kyle. Where are you? it read. I lifted my head and scanned the room, looking for the one person I wanted to see most.
As if on cue, I locked eyes with the most enchanting pair of brown eyes. A familiar sight, as of late. His lips curled into a soft smile. I mustered one back. I was actually so flustered, which caught me by surprise.
At that moment, I took stock of my appearance, suddenly all too sure I looked bad. Possibly the worst I'd ever looked. It was busy, I was drunk, and I turned red when I was hot and drunk. It simply wasn't fair that I was in the presence of him. He looked stunning. His blonde hair was slightly messier than usual. He wore a black long-sleeved shirt with loose-fitting jeans. His skin had a glow, while mine was covered in sweat.
I stood, transfixed on him, disgusted with myself for feeling inferior, for even a moment, to Kyle Spencer. The internal war waged on.
"Hey," he started.
I couldn't help but giggle. "Hi," I breathed.
He stooped down, putting his mouth right on my ear. "I don't think we've met," he whispered. His breath hit my skin, causing goosebumps to cover my skin in an instant. He stood straight again and smiled at me.
"No, I'm sure we haven't," I replied with a wink, laughing at his advance. 
"You look so good," he shouted, loud enough so I could hear it over "m.A.A.d city" by Kendrick Lamar. I blushed.
"So do you," I returned. I lifted my hand to touch him, then stopped, rethinking my decision. He noticed and laughed.
"You know, it's really loud in here..." he smirked, his left hand reaching back to scratch the back of his head. He looked around slyly as if to say, Let's go somewhere more private.
He stuck out his right hand and motioned for me to grab it. I shoved my phone into my jean jacket's pocket and switched the hand my drink was in. Then, I grabbed his palm with a sly smile and began to follow him.
The crowd seemed to part for him. Typical Kyle Spencer shit. He led me through the sea of people further back into the house. Down a small hallway was a set of stairs. There were bodies on the stairs, all engaged in various...activities. Kyle led me upward, dodging couples as we went.  Once we were upstairs we traversed down the hall, stopping at the second door on the left. It was an unoccupied bathroom. 
"Now, where were we?" he asked, beaming his 5-star smile once again. 
I wasted no time, grabbing his face and kissing him passionately, sickeningly hungry for his touch. He wrapped his arms around my waist, squeezing tightly. We both breathed heavily, huffing into each other's mouths between kisses. I pulled at his shirt, he took a handful of my hair.
Our kisses got deeper, and the space between us disappeared. We became one. I heard the doorknob turn behind us, then, I heard the door swing open. I didn't even have a second to turn my head before I heard him.
"Holy shit, Kyle," Archie laughed. Both of us scrambled apart, turning to see Archie Brener occupying the doorway. "Kyle Spencer, you dog."
"Archie, stop," Kyle warned, in a tone I didn't expect. It was less shocked, less caught-in-the-act than I expected. It was more of a knowing tone. He didn't seem at all embarrassed.
"At a party? Dang, do you actually like her, or something?" the obnoxiously drunk frat guy asked. "I guess I owe you when we get back home." He slurred his words, but I heard him loud and clear. 
"Owe?" I asked, voice small, glancing at both of them. The panic in my body paralyzed me.
"Please, not here-" Kyle began, interrupted swiftly by Archie.
"You work quick," he announced. "The way you were on her was so convincing. You won the bet, dude."
The room went silent. All of the air left, sucked up by the vacuous words that had just left his lips. I glanced over at Kyle, whose head was down, gaze firmly locked on his shoes. I couldn't breathe. My lip trembled slightly, tears threatening behind my eyes.
"What bet?" I mustered, voice cracking, my eyes fixed firmly on Kyle, who hadn't moved a muscle in what felt like hours.
"Kyle and I-" Archie started from the doorway.
"No," I interrupted, shooting a look over at him before returning my stare to Kyle, "I want him to tell me."
Archie shifted his weight uncomfortably before taking a step back, further away from the bathroom. I could hear him walk away as I surveyed the boy I thought I knew just seconds prior. The boy whose silence took up so much space, it had no choice but to enter my chest, wrapping around my heart, squeezing it so tightly I thought I would die.
"Hannah," he croaked, eyes still trained on the floor.
"Kyle," I returned.
He turned to face me, his brows knitted, eyes glazed. "He was just being stupid," he murmured.
"Why don't I believe that?" I replied, voicelessly, tears holding any sound hostage. "Tell me the truth."
"I- I just," he stammered.
"Tell me the truth," demanded, finally producing some noise.
He rubbed his face with both of his hands and dropped them down heavily to his sides. "It was a bet...a bet between Archie and me," he muttered, "a-about you and, and uh, Lily."
A tight knot formed in my stomach. It lurched as if the roller coaster I was on took me on a steep drop. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes.
"It was, it was that night at TKE. When you, uh, got defensive about Lily," he continued quietly. "We made a bet to see which one of us could, uh, date one of you, um, first."
"Why?" My voice shook. He shook his head, letting a few tears slip down his cheeks. The show of emotion disgusted me. 
I turned on my heel and rushed out of the room storming down the stairs and through the party. It was unavoidable. I crashed into a few unfortunate party-goers as I tried to leave as quickly as I could. The room blurred, lights and colors becoming a twisted amalgamation of each other, like the messiest, most awful watercolor painting in the world. 
The cool air of September nighttime was as welcome as a warm embrace in a snowstorm. The fresh air filled my lungs in stark contrast to the stifling air inside the house. I walked as fast as I could for as far as I could, traveling as far from the party as I could. I needed to get away so no one could see me break down.
I got down the street and turned the corner before collapsing in a heap on the sidewalk. I sobbed loudly into the sleeve of my jacket, not even stopping to take a breath.
Given his history, I should have known better. Part of me resisted falling for him, and I kicked myself for not listening to it. The part of my brain that was screaming for me to run, begging me to be rational, pleading for me to stick to my frat-hating guns. I was sick to my stomach with anger and sadness and the most unforgivable feeling of betrayal.
"Hannah!" I heard, alongside running footsteps. It was the last voice I wanted to hear. I looked up and saw Kyle jogging toward me.
I don't know what came over me. I stood immediately and rounded on him as he came upon me. "What? You're here to add insult to injury?" I shouted. "What are you going to say, huh?"
"That I-"
"What, that you really liked me?" I laughed, darkly. "You are a sick person, you know that?"
His expression changed, switching from concern to shame.
"You and your fucking brothers have a fetish for making people like me look dumb. You insist upon trying to paint me as a fool," I cried. "Since I started here, people like you called me a lesbian, or a hard-ass or made me feel bad for not being able to take a joke. Well, guess what? You're not fucking funny. None of you are! You're just fucking mean. You're evil."
"Hannah," he muttered despair in his expression. He stepped toward me.
"No. Get the fuck away from me. Stay the fuck away from me," I warned. "I'm not your friend. I never was. I don't want to see you again."
Previous Part | Next Part
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softpine · 7 months
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oh god i'm spiraling thinking about how this is going to make elaine feel after she hears asa did this as soon as she dropped him off! and beth and cara? danny and casper? stevie maybe being the one to find him?? IM LOSING IT
seriously i feel so bad for elaine, she has the least context of anyone in this situation. all she knows is that asa was acting weirder than normal and very secretive, then she takes him home and within hours he takes his life. she'll be rethinking everything he told her that day, i mean he literally said “If I can’t help anyone, then… I don’t know why I’m even here. I don’t know how much longer I can stand to be so useless.” she's going to feel so guilty :(
beth, who has been battling with herself over whether she should let asa be a normal kid with privacy and agency, and who only just convinced caroline to ease up on him a little. and cara??? this is quite literally her worst fear:
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danny and casper, who both chose to pursue something for themselves instead of putting their family first like they always have in the past, who are terrified of being far away when their family needs them.
stevie, who convinced asa to look for finn in the first place, and who already has guilt over the way she froze up and watched a woman die because she couldn't jump into action quickly enough. stevie, who will have to be the one to intercept asa's parents at the door if the paramedics haven't gotten there yet.
jada, who we aren't sure how much she saw or knows yet, but the sheer amount of guilt she has weighing her down is already so so heavy. i can't even imagine how responsible she would feel for potentially being unable to save her best friend since the literal day he was born.
and finn??? the real kicker for me is that finn would/will be horrified when he finds out what asa put his family through, all for him. he got upset when asa did something as innocuous as burning family pictures, because asa's family loves him so much and he hates that asa has put such a strain on their relationship because of finn.
but i hope i've made it clear enough that this isn't really about finn. asa hasn't been cycling through antidepressants and seeing countless doctors since he was 12 for no reason; he genuinely does struggle with severe depression, losing finn was just the last straw. asa's ability to see ghosts has caused him so much pain over the years, but finn alone made it worth the heartache. without him, he feels entirely helpless. he's surrounded by people every moment of every day, but he can't connect with a single one of them. so while his motivation here may not have been to die and stay dead, i also can't say that he had a clear enough mind to be worried about the emotional impact this would have on the people around him. he knows that if caroline found his body, she would never recover from that, but even that is only a short-term consequence – he's not thinking about how his loved ones will feel in a week or a year or the rest of their lives. i can't really fault him for that. but the whole thing is fucking tragic :(
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lizzzylovee · 1 year
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Eywa’s Vision
Chapter 1: Arrival
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Summary : “Born with the ability to receive visions of the future, Kani must choose to abandon what she knows to aid in Navi that she's never met.“
MDNI
Authors note: Hello! Just wanted to start off by saying that this the first thing I have ever wrote before lol. I have fallen in love with the Avatar Movies, and after binge reading I realized I wanted to attempt to do it.
Story starts off with the original characters in Home Tree, the sky people haven't returned yet, and all the characters are aged up by 5 years! I will be going more by Navi standards as best as possible. There will be mature contents, but each chapter will be labeled appropriately as possible. There will be a mix of languages, and I will try my best to be as distinctive as possible lol.
*This will most likely be more slow burn than not, I don’t want to rush the story line as much I really want to lol. Eventual smut*** If you see this on Wattpad I have also posted it there under the same tag.
WK: about 3k ish?
CW: cursing, Neteyam being in love struck awe lol, nothing really in this chapter
Chapter 1: Arrival          Chapter 2: Story Time  
Masterlist
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The jungle hummed with life. Through the tall treetops, light seeps through, basking the ground with a peak from the light above. Even with the peaceful feeling, it traps you into a sense of safety.
Crouching down, he looks through the foliage, eyes tracking it's movement. Taking slow breathes, he maneuvers into position, knee bent while kneeling on the ground. Bow grasped tightly in hand, sure movements notches the arrow. With one last inhale, he draws the bow, clenching his core, and with one final glance, he releases.
As the arrow soars, it meets it's final destination, straight into the eyes of the unknowing Yerik.
"Bullseye!"
With a roll of his eyes, he can't help but smirk at the praise of his companion.
"You know bro, one day you too might have a chance of being as good as me."
Spiders smile falls, only to proceed to roll his eyes, and flip off his friends back as he goes to pray over his kill.
"We both know I would kick your ass if I was Navi. Besides, why go hunting if the hunting party already left?"
Lo'ak proceeds to bind his kill, securing the feet together for easier carrying on the way back.
"Because if I show up empty handed, my parents might actually disown me."
"What did you do this time?"
Biting his lip, Lo'ak spares Spider a glance over his shoulder.
"I may or may not have forgotten to watch Tuk, leading her to paint a family portrait on the tent.."
With a baffled look, Spider could only gawk at his friend, watching as he puts the final ties to together.
"And hopefully with my peace offering, my dad might actually rethink the 'life sentence' and take me off cleaning duty."
"Fat chance, but I hope it actually goes well! Kiri's been holed up in the Tsahik tent, last thing I need is my other friend being punished to death." Spider slides down from his watching post, kicking at the grass.
"Other friend, since when did she replace my spot as the best friend?" Lo'ak looks at him, eyebrows furrowed, hand to his chest with mock hurt over his face.
"Oh shut up, let's go home." Spider rolls his eyes, glancing down at the floor, trying his best to get the heat from his face. Lo'ak can only laugh at his friends' inability to admit the truth of his feelings, even though he knows that nothing can come about it. With the raise of his hand cupping the side of his mouth, he makes the sound to call out to his Ikran.
"You know bro, maybe you should go for one of the older scientist." Lo'ak replied with barely hid mirth.
"You're fucking disgusting."
With a final laugh, Lo'ak drags his kill to his Ikran, anchoring it around onto it, giving a few tugs to test it's security.
"Come on bro, we gotta head back before dinner, I don't want to wake up dead before tomorrow."
"You do realize you can't wake up dead right?" Spider clamors on, smacking Lo'aks attempt to assist.
"You act like you've never met my mother." Swinging his body over, Lo'ak climbs on behind Spider, and after making tsaheylu, the Ikran takes off with a final screech.
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Growing up, Lo'ak always dreamed of the day of owning his own Ikran. Flying through the sky with no care of living up to expectations and having the ability to pretend to be who he wants. After his first failed attempt, which he tries his best not to think on, flying came so naturally that it allowed his mind to blank.
Flying back to Home Tree, first glances at the kill he was hauling for his family, and then to Spider to make sure he was secure, though he would never admit due to knowing how Spider would get if he felt like he couldn't keep up with the 18 year old Navi male.
With the wind hitting his face, he looks far ahead to watch for Home Tree to come into the horizon line, making the appropriate turns needed to avoid floating mountains around. Closing his eyes for a second while leaning his head back, he mentally prepares for this peace to end when he comes back home. With opening eyes, his breath catches in his throat at the sight before him.
8 Ikrans, all in a variety of colors, flies just left above them, flying in a distinct, formation. With an open mouth, Lo'ak gawks at the sight in front of him, having to make a conscious effort to close his mouth, least he wants something fly into it. With a titled head, he he squints at the sight, attempting to make sense of what he was seeing.
After carefully peering at the Ikrans, he realizes that it isn't the Ikrans that is causing his sudden heart spike and confusion, it is the way the riding Navi the Ikrans are dressed. Wraps of colorful fabric cover them, unlike the clothes adorned from his clan.
Without taking his eyes off the unfamiliar flock in his sights, he reaches for the throat comm, pressing two fingers to the button on the side.
"Devil dog, I have my sights on some Ikran riders."
"Send your traffic."
"It looks like Navi, but they aren't dressed like anything I've seen before. And they seem to be heading to Home Tree."
"Copy, do not engage. Get home as soon a possible, no interacting."
"Copy that Sir."
"I mean it boy, no fucking around."
With a roll of his eyes,  Lo'ak urges his Ikran to fly faster,  as the group above seem to have moved expertly through floating rocks, moving as one unit, leaving Lo'ak and his carriage behind. Having set his mind to the task, Lo'ak locks eyes on his unknown enemy, causing Spider to sputter out curses, in the attempt to hold on.
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Home Tree has always seemed to have a certain buzz to it, with all it's inhabitants busy with village life, doing what it expected to help aid the clan having a sustainable life. Excusing himself from the hunter's party, leaving his subordinates with the task of cleaning and appropriately readying the day's kill for the cooks, Neteyam seeks out his father to report the day's happenings when a sudden comotion causes the clan to become on uproar.
Attempting to make sense of what was going on, Neteyam frantically looks around, trying his hardest to find the source that started the sudden defenses.
"Outsiders!"
"They're at the check points!"
Wide eyed and erect ears, Neteyam tries in the gentlest of ways to make his way through the crowd. Knowing it was of no use to radio his father, at least with the yells from around, all he could do was make his way to the front of the crowd, knowing where the choas orginated,  his father was already there to contain it.
Swinging his bow over his shoulder, he makes way through the crowd, being internally grateful that being the Olo'eyktan's first son made the clan members aware of just who was bypassing them, almost opening a way for him to make his way through the ground level of Home Tree. After passing by higher level Navi in the clan, the sea of bodies opens up to a sight that instantly puts him on guard.
8 Ikrans. 8 Ikrans that  land side by side in the clearing. The animals are restless, screaming and screeching in their language, shifting   around on the ground, irritated by the warriors that surround them, sharp spears and bows drawn. Warriors cry, with mother's clutching onto children that seem to be overly curious at the sight in front of them.
Keeping his eyes on the sight in front of him, with him slowly circling his way to the front, Neteyam was so focused on the unknown sight that he almost missed the sight of his baby brother hastily landing his Ikran a ways away, only to fall face first into the ground due to his uncoordinated pace of trying to get off the beast. With a minute shake of his head, he refocused on the intruders, catching the sight of his fathers back making way, with his mother only a few paces behind. Following in line with his parents, he swiftly takes his bow off, hand reaching for the arrow on his person, absently mindlessly notching the arrow, muscles tense.
With a raised hand, the clan leader calms the uproar cries of the clan, all falling silent, only for whispers to muttered, in respect of the chief's orders. With a glance to the crowd forming around, the leader makes way around the warriors, stopping in the middle of the odd dressed intruders still perched on their rides. With each step closer, the whispers die down, anticipation rising in the air, almost suffocating.
"State your business!"
With the roar only a seasoned leader possessed, it seamed as if it had gotten impossible quieter, with clan moving restless against one another, intently watching for the intruders next move.
With slow, but sure movement, the rider situated towards the middle made movement to descent off the Ikran. Moving with grace that isn't known in such a tense situation, the small form touches down. Clothed with colorful wraps around head, face, and body, with only the ability the see into the intruders eyes through the riders mask, the unknown figure makes way to the leader, in calm, sure footed steps, raising a hand to take off the riders mask.
With unblocked eyes, Jake Sully allows himself to survey the figure in front of him. Keeping mind of his mates hand on his shoulder, he notices a distinct feature on the figure, that while it may put his clan in an defensive state of mind, only cause curiosity to bloom in his chest. Instead of the normal Navi feature of only having 3 fingers, the Navi in front possess the same amount that him and two of his children have. With gears turning in his head, he comes back to present day with said figure gestures their fingertips from their forehead down, signing 'I see you'.
Straightening their back, the figure locks eyes on the clan lead, and with a voice clear in the Navi Language, "I see you, Jake Sully. I apologize for the intrusion, but there are matters that I must speak with you on."
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With a mind and body that seems on autopilot, almost as if he is having an out of body experience, Neteyam brings up the back of the group of foreigners, watching as the strange Navi follow almost single file after his dad, with a couple of them clustered together, limbs clenched together as much as the cloth around the bodies allow. Doing his best to keep a close eye, he ignores the stares and whispers of the passing clan members. Due to his height, which almost passes his father at this point, Neteyam adjust his eyes to look further, able to spot his father leading the group to the large meeting tent, mostly used to gather warriors and to hold meetings. He spots his mother walking tensely by his father, muscles tight and an aura that would let anyone know of her mood.
Walking in almost a daydream like state, a hand clamped down on his shoulder, ripping him from his inner observations. Turning to look at the offender, Neteyam could only shake his head at the sight of his younger brother.
"Bro what the fuck is going on?!" Lo'ak tried as best as possible to keep his volume under control, he did, but when one of the foreigners ears swiveled their way, Neteyam was aware that their conversation was not a quiet as his brother believed, regardless with it being in English.
"You know as much as I do, and still you ask this question? Learn to watch before you speak and you will understand much sooner baby brother." Neteyam hissed back, only giving a spare glance at the human that tried his best to keep up with the longer legged Navi.
Slipping his hand off his brother's shoulder, Lo'ak resigned himself to walk behind Neteyam, knowing that while he may sound rude, he was right in the lack of knowledge.
Coming up on the Warrior's tent, the flap was opened, with his father gesturing the inside. A fire was lit in the middle, casting a more ominous glow. Looking around, Neteyam noticed a handful of his fathers warriors inside, weapons drawn tight in their hands, outline the edge of the tent, barely noticing the glare his father sent to his brother, with the promise of punishment if he acted out of turn. The flap was then closed, closing off the rest of the village, leaving his parents, Lo'ak, and warriors surrounding them, as the foreigners huddled together, kneeling down on the ground, with what it seemed to have their legs tucked under their body.
The one that had spoke with his father prior sat on the front, the rest nestled behind, all stilled wrapped in clothes, with a few holding tight as if the wrap was a form of protection, instead of privacy. With his father turning to look at the group, absentmindedly paying attention to his mother pacing with agitation behind, he takes a last glance and addresses the group.
"Who are you, and where are you from?" Jake spoke in Navi, voice unwavering despite the tension around. After a passing second from the group, the figure in front makes the move to first remove the wrap around their head, causing the cloth from her nose down to fall, revealing their face. Neteyam's eyes widen, not realizing that the cause of so much commotion in his clan, was actually the most stunning woman he has ever seen. Roaming his eyes, he took in every feature.
She had long dark hair, way longer than the women in his clan kept theirs, with half her hair up, secured by what seemed to be a tie with crystals on it. Looking through the hair that framed her face,  he took in her facial features, noticing bright eyes rimmed with black, down to her nose, with a half crescent object hanging from her nose. Her ears were pierced in a similar fashion to his mothers, with feathers looped through and hanging through them. Her neck was adorned with a neck piece, though it was not in a similar fashion found in his clan. It was adorned with crystals, their reflections bouncing from the light caused by the flickering fire in front. His eyes caught the hair above her eyes, similar in the way he has seen on his dad, brother or sisters face. High cheekbones framed and shaped her face, leading to a relaxed facial expression, as if she was unaffected by today's turn of events.
While lost in his thoughts, he was seemingly broken out of his spell when she opened her mouth.
"While I understand the reason for warriors to be present, I do believe this conversation would be best handled with as much privacy as possible."
Everyone in the room froze.
Not for the words actually spoken, but for the language she replied in.
"How the fuck does she know English?"
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Well there’s part one! Hopefully you guys like it! I will try my best to attempt to keep everything organized, but Imma be honest, idk how to tf to put stuff together when it comes to links lol. Once again, there will be eventual smut, just gotta set the mood lmfao. Thank you so everyone that took the time to read! Also if you ever curious about the OC characters and how the family dynamics works, hopefully this guide helps lol.
***Kani*** 
19
Youngest Daughter
Kekunan Clan
***Heatey***
22
Oldest brother
Mate: Tal'i (22)
Kekunan Clan
***Naya'il***
21
Older sister
Mate: Tsuten (21)
Kekunan Clan
***Zernem***
20
Youngest brother
Kekunan Clan
***Mai***
18
Best friend
Kekunan Clan
***Zute***
13
Mai's younger brother
Kekunan Clan
_____Other Characters____
Neteyam- 19
Lo'ak-18
Kiri-18
Tuk-13
Hopefully that answers everything!
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isfjmel-phleg · 8 months
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Who is Delclis?
I don't have any new material for his birthday today (September 26), so I thought I'd do a general introduction post instead, in case you haven't met my OC.
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Bio
Delclis (full name Andras Delclis Gearalt Phemister) is the only child of an unpopular king who died unexpectedly around the time Delclis was born. Due to shenanigans, the throne didn't go to the infant Delclis but to a distant relative, who managed to corner Delclis's mother into marrying him. Delclis grew up on an estate in the country, far away from the court, alongside his younger half-brother Elystan, the current king's heir. The isolation never bothered him; he is reserved and reclusive by nature, and his stepfather took care to encourage that. Delclis developed a passionate interest in botany and had plans to study natural science at a university, but his stepfather wanted him to have a clerical career, where he'd be conveniently celibate and therefore unlikely to continue his father's dynasty.
As it happens, neither of these work out. Delclis's stepfather is forced to abdicate for both himself and Elystan, and Delclis, at age fourteen, finds himself stuck with a throne he never wanted and has no training for. He struggles with having to be a public figure, he hates politics and hates his Prime Minister, he's in no hurry to plan an advantageous marriage, and he's unaccustomed to taking responsibility for anything outside of his own ambitions. It doesn't take him long to become desperate to get out of this role, especially as his eighteenth birthday, which ends his minority and lands him with the full extent of his obligations, looms. But can he get out of it? And is that really what he needs?
Why I Love Him
My plant-loving son! He has no social skills. He has an all-consuming passion which he has committed to hard. He's serious to the point of being comical. He named his dog Canis Familiaris (the scientific name for the species) because he didn't think he could remember an ordinary name. He went to a Halloween party dressed as deadly nightshade once. He's soft-spoken and easygoing until he absolutely isn't. He's been so deprived of attachment that he believes he can function without it. He's not malicious at all but he's so wrapped up in his own concerns that he's frequently oblivious to how he can be a jerk to other people. He has no friends. He's a lot angrier than he realizes. He needs some very bold and determined person to decide that he needs to be loved and make that happen.
Description
According to his brother, Delclis had spent so much time around plants that he had begun to look like one. He had the sturdy build of a tree, with an unkempt bush of brown hair tinged red as if for the coming autumn. His face hid beneath a camouflage of freckles and acne, and his wide-set hazel eyes were usually downcast. Whether he picked up the habit first from shyness or a fixation with the ground level and its flora no one knew. When he did make eye contact, it was either from behind the glassy safety of his pince-nez or with his neck pulled backward like a reverse turtle when his spectacles were not permitted. He seldom spoke in public, and his soft voice tended to sound as if he were reading his own dialogue off some unseen cue card.
Further Info
There are lists of random OC facts for him here and here. These are somewhat old lists, created when I was still trying to more fully develop the character, and I might need to revisit/rethink them, but you get the idea.
Appearances
Seeing the Elephant (at age ten)
A Building Project (at age eleven)
Correspondence (shortly before Book 1--I am less fond of this early experimental piece and it may not remain canon)
The Breakfast Room (shortly before Book 3)
He also has supporting appearances in "In a Nutshell" and the prequel scene for Book 2, a cameo in Book 2 Chapter Four, and is quoted in a letter in Elystan's POV of "A Christmas Chapter."
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hislittleraincloud · 3 months
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Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Whoremoanal / Intro to Wenovan for the New Dolls
Ach. I just got word that the addict neighbor "isn't coming home" tomorrow. Her messages are terribly short, lacking in information, and few/far between. I mean my gods, is Afterburn 8 going to have to wait until fucking May/its year anniversary? What the fuck? I might have to force myself to try and write it, but that's the Cigarette at the Bus Stop for me. I fire up my writer's flame and take a puff and then that fucking hot mess of a bus lady tells me "I'm coming home" and then doesn't.
I'm working quite hard on the Miller's Girl fic because again, it doesn't require much thought for me. I know I have new followers thanks to that little fandom...and the teacher crush wing that flew at me and my fyp (I suppose that was to be expected once more Jenna stans saw MG). 🤦🏽‍♂️ My closest fanwives have access to its Live file and one already wants to divorce me for the soul-shattering Epilogue, so I might have to rethink including that...
Anyway. This, I suppose, is a short intro to #Wenovan (a.k.a. Black Bubblegum) ship, which was the untouched ship that pairs Wednesday Addams and Sheriff Donovan Galpin. Untouched until my pervy agegap loving ass came along with my observations of canon Wednesday and Sheriff Galpin's interactions from episode to episode. Of course, in 2023, I'm on the Dark Side of this fandom, but that's fine, since I live in a cave and am used to it. I write a lot from Wednesday's POV. The other agegap ship I write about is Gatesmonster (Laurel/Tyler 💀), but their relationship is the opposite of Wednesday's and the Sheriff's.
So I know y'all got that teacher crush thing going, and teacher crush is authority crush. Cop crush falls under that; it's a sibling to teacher crush.
Afterburn Wednesday (ABW) does have a little bit of a thing for authority, for older male authority figures. But she's also l essentially everything Cairo Sweet from MG wishes she were. She took charge of the intrigue she felt at first glance (canon Wednesday actually looks at the sheriff's body as he comes into the Weathervane, then there was the little grin she flashed him (!!!), followed by her ruminating on his words to her, etc. etc. I can make a good case for their canon) and isn't completely stupid about it. I tried to make ABW otherwise as close to canon as possible, since the story is meant to slip seamlessly into the show's very weird timeline. Still working on MG fic, but 8 is on my mind in a terrible way, especially after I listened to the following again. (As well as knowing what else I've been writing about them that's for the sequel and deleted scenes.)
I really like programming scenes from my story into audio shorts, since I have the cast members that I need for them (@brenli I haven't forgotten about the Wednesday & Bianca Mortal Kombat scene! I'm just really busy. I have all of the dialogue for it recorded though. Just needs to be put together).
I've shared it before, but sharing it again for those who are new, might be bored out of their skulls, and are waiting for MG. It is Wednesday cornering the Sheriff in his office on Outreach Day (which was a couple of days after she had a sexy vision of them). And her first kiss. 💕🎀🌸🎀✨
It's best listened to on headphones since I'm an idiot and was new to programming these, so the balance of the narrator's voice is way off. 💀 And that stupid phone ringing is annoying af LOL
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I miss them so much. ❤️‍🩹✨🫴🏼🚔🕸️💕✨
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cboffshore · 29 days
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Hey there - I'm Lila!
If you're seeing this, it could mean any of the following: you're already a mutual, you like Ninjago, you really like Ninjago's infamous (ha!) sixth season Skybound, or you know me from something else entirely. Or it's none of those and you've just taken a super wrong turn. No matter what - I'm glad you're here!
Join me under the cut for a more detailed look at my account, or just venture off on your own - the choice is yours.
WHO I AM & WHERE TO FIND ME
You can call me Lila! I've been around the Ninjago fandom since 2011 under a whole bunch of different names and accounts, with all the bizarre stories and memories to show for it. Now, though, you can find me under one of two handles: @cboffshore (here and on Twitter, where I'm not as active as I used to be) or OffshoreWriter over on AO3.
My title as Skybound Analysis PhD holder was born from a joke (initially given to me when I overanalyzed Skybound's color scheme and then Flintlocke's development in a Discord server) but grew into, well, not a joke; I take Skybound about as seriously as someone can take a toy commercial cartoon. Through all of my years in the Ninjago fandom, I've never seen a season as misunderstood and contentious as Skybound. Unfortunately, I happen to like it a lot for what it is, and I'm willing to defend it very hard (but don't get me wrong, I know it's got flaws! I'm not completely nuts!). Read this ask for a detailed overview of my position on Skybound analysis.
Outside of Ninjago overanalysis, I'm into a few other things: crocheting, the occasional piece of digital art, music (special faves include I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, Fall Out Boy, and My Chemical Romance), and Bionicle (but only on a casual "wow cool vibes and killer writing" basis because that timeline does NOT make sense to me.).
SOME STUFF I DO
The best way to get into my work is just to explore all the nooks and crannies of my blog, but for those of you in a rush, here are links to some of my favorite projects:
On Sea, Sunlight, and Sky, aka OSSAS, is what I'd consider the crown jewel of my AO3 catalog: a Nya-centric series diving into her experience during the last few episodes of Skybound. Updated every December until I decide to lay her to rest (which, by the looks of it, will be the 2024 installment), this is my longest-term project that exemplifies how I approach Skybound as a season. If you only check out one corner of my work, make it OSSAS. You can find all things OSSAS under #ossas tag here on my blog (newcomers beware of spoilers!)
Yours To Keep: Rethinking Skybound Through Fashion is an older project of mine that blends fashion design and Nadakhan character analysis. As in, I drew a trio of banger outfits and then wrote essays about what all their details meant. Trust me on this, it's a cool one! (This is a holdover from when my fandom involvement was almost exclusively Ninjago character analysis-based couture fashion art... you can thank Giles Panton for that.)
Sorrow is All The Rage: An Analysis of Sexual Assault in Jay-Centric Skybound Fanfiction is a two (technically, three) part essay detailing my attempts to come to terms with the (frankly rather concerning) trend of gratuitous SA inclusion in a surprising swath of popular Skybound fanfiction. (Spoiler alert: I still think it's weird as hell and I haven't come to terms with it... but I have gotten way better at using the block button to keep it out of my line of sight.) The link in the title will take you to part one; part two is linked at the end, and part three's mini update is lurking somewhere in those tags. Please note: this essay is not an attack, or a condemnation, although it may come across that way at times. This was written largely as a vent piece about an issue that has disturbed me deeply and affected how I go about interpreting Skybound, and that definitely impacted my tone. If you'd like to reference this for any reason, or if you have any questions, please shoot me an ask or DM.
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greypetrel · 11 months
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Hello, friend! c:
☘ for all of them
❤ for Aisling in your Fenris AU vs canon Aisling (so for both)
⚠ for Raina
Well hello friend! :D
Oh god you unhearthed the Fenris AU ahahahahahahah (no thank you sometimes I think about it still so it's always welcomed)
Tis the prompt list
⚠ : How does your muse react to possibly dangerous situations? Do they face them head-on, or do they plan out their actions first?
Raina Hawke: She runs constantly ten minutes late to everything and lives by the day. She is not a planner if not on long-term goals. A possibly dangerous situation? Oh no she will jump right in like Pocahontas. Face head-on, improvise along the way. She's good at improvising, makes her little predictable in her moves.
❤ : What are your muse’s thoughts on love? If they are not in a relationship, do they believe that they will ever find a perfect someone for them?
Canon Aisling: She does believe very firmly that everyone deserves love. Everyone. Romantic and platonic love are the same, reaching out and listening and accepting, and she doesn't consider one more important than the other. She stood way too much with a girl that was wrong for her: in the end Aisling broke it up, it wasn't a clean break up and things were said that they'll both regret. She never once doubted that Ydun loved her (that's why she didn't call it off before she did), and later just thought that she MAY take a small trip South to show herself that Ydun was wrong in defining her a scared fawn and a dead-weight... But then she WILL find someone else! She loves being in love! And caring for other people! And kissing and sleeping hugged! She hates sleeping alone, actually! She kinda decided Cassandra -who reminded her of Ydun, but with a "able to rethink her decisions and admit she's wrong, and also she listens to me and ask me questions about my life" bonus- was that person. It ended very badly. Cullen crept in like moss, basically.
AU Aisling: Same as above. They met that she was already with Ydun, very young, very in love with the idea of love, "I WILL give you love whether you want it or not, even platonically. è_é". It worked with him, what can I say, it's the romance with a blue mage hawke. He was... Not ready for it, and left. Which just dropped a bomb on her trauma (her main fear is Abandonment. Guess how well it played.). It left her... Disillusioned. She had love once, and she believed she loved him for real. It went how it went. She doesn't want to try again end up in the same way, once was enough, thank you. Still likes the idea of love but for others, will be happy at her friends finding it, won't actively look for it herself and turn her head if it shows up for more than some casual sex to scratch a need (will refuse to spend the night, do it in the place she sleeps in, and will leave the room first). (I haven't planned an ending, I guess it'll get better with time and finding the right person but again, I have little ideas save for the "I won't write anything that means having a triangle that doesn't end up in polyamory". No trope shaming, it's just not a trope for me.)
☘ : Does your muse believe in luck? How about fate?
Alyra Mahariel: Absolutely not, it's annoyed by the idea. There's no luck there's hard work and circumstances. Fate, to her, is just a nice excuse people have to either do nothing about situation they could change, or justify themselves, or be unsufferably sappy.
Raina Hawke: She believes people can carve their own path. If there's a fate, she believes it can be changed with enough hard work and will, the idea of a fixed destiny makes her feel trapped. She does believe in luck, tho.
Garrett Hawke: Doesn't really care about either, honestly, he doesn't know whether there's a fate or luck, he just goes with the flows. If there are, there's nothing he can do about it anyway, so you'd just better do your best and live your life, there's no point in mulling over it.
Aisling Lavellan: She believes there's some sort of superior authority that guides your path. The concept of "Guidance" is very important to her, it's what made her go for Ghilan'nain and not Mythal for her Vallaslin (it was a tie, for the Keeper). She does believe it's ever changing with circumstances tho, more than a fixed path you can't stray from. She won't like Fate in the sense of Greek Tragedies and an immutable destiny. Luck? There's no hurt in believing there is, if you'd like, whatever helps. Doesn't really believe in it herself, but won't care if you do.
Radha Lavellan: Agrees with Aisling on Fate as basically a law of consequences on a bigger scale. Is very annoyed by the idea of Luck, tho, it either takes away merit from people, or takes responsibility away from them when they were sloppy or uncaring and somehow never faced the consequences.
Pavyn Lavellan: He believes in consequences more than in fate, in truth, and agrees with Radha that the concept of luck is just there to water down things in a way that's not pleasant. He will still flirt with people using fate as a flirtatious joke, smirking and wiggling his eyebrows. He's charismatic enough to pull it off, unfortunately.
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Text
I rarely post here, but I'd like to say sorry.
Some time has passed since this post: https://www.tumblr.com/superanonymousthethird/710866351384903680/rinboz-superanonymousthethird-rinboz
I've rethought some things and wish to elaborate.
I didn't know my actions might've been deemed as annoying by many. I genuinely only wished to engage in discussions and to explain my point of view, if I got a reply I knew I was listened to, if I didn't I assumed the person I interacted with didn't have time or energy to reply. Again, genuinely sorry for coming off as "pestering". I will cease to do that.
I do not seek content I dislike on purpose. I'm subscribed to artists who draw content I like, and me writing replies to their lore stuff I disagree with were merely attempts at interacting. I didn't wish for them to be hurtful.
Now, some things I've said might give a wrong impression of me. Firstly, my Malenia arguments. I'm still not a big fan of her and I doubt I'll ever be. However, I did rethink the situation and understood it was rude of me to interfere. I do understand that people who harass artists for drawing things they dislike exist. I'm not one of them. I've also understood what was the issue with unproportionate hatred for her.
I wish to clarify about myself: I do not have double standards for characters depending on their gender. Some people may, I do not, and even in Souls games I like and dislike both negative and positive examples of female and male characters (and positive female characters don't just mean passive damsels in distress for me). In real life I treat all people equally. My views on Malenia just happened to align with the opinion of "gamer dudebros" as some may say. My mistake was assuming that since I haven't witnessed any of those people and I'm aren't one myself, then the issue is exaggerated.
Next, for the game itself. Elden Ring doesn't belong to the type of games I find realistic enough to scratch my head and compare it to real world issues. Of course, in real life or in a media incredibly obviously based on it, I wouldn't support a monarchistic regime that relies on conquest, genocide and oppression to be established. ER, with its fantasy genre, made me just take things at face value without parallels or deep analysis.
I could've written more but I wish not to waste everyone's time. I can elaborate if anyone asks, but not in this post.
So, if anyone here reading this has deemed me unpleasant, I'm genuinely sorry. I'll try to do better.
7 notes · View notes
punkshort · 10 months
Text
Chapter warnings: language, mild violence, angst, weakly implied SA (not explicit at all)
Chapter Six
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Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak
AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)
Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.
Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters
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Joel sat stunned at his desk after you left. He had never seen that side of you before, always so meek and mild mannered. He shouldn’t have called you a whore. He realized now that was a mistake, letting his unhealed wound caused by another effect the way he treated you.
He rubbed his hands over his face, rethinking the conversation you just had. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to soothe his temper so he could think straight. Ok, so you were flirting with some other guy. That wasn’t a crime. He held no claim to you, you had only just kissed the night before, and you were both drinking. Does that even count?
Even if he disregarded the kiss last night, you still had been giving him signs showing your interest, right? Did he misread everything?
Frustrated, he stood up and paced the room again, recounting every interaction he had with you, trying to figure out if the way you acted towards him was just because he was your boss, or if you felt something more.
That one night in the conference room, he swore he saw your knees press together under the table, and he thought you were looking at him like you wanted to take things further, but maybe he came on too strong. Maybe you didn’t know how to react.
He was over analyzing everything now. The way you stepped away from him when he got too close picking up that box for you. How you purposely left his office door open when you came up to see him. Shit, has he been making you feel uncomfortable this entire time?
No, you grabbed his collar and kissed him, he didn’t make that up.
But you were drunk.
Fuck, this was confusing. Joel ran his hands over his face again, pausing to stare out the window. He turned around to head towards the door, and that’s when he spotted it: the small blue package on the floor.
He didn’t even notice you dropped it on your way out, his anger giving him tunnel vision on your retreating form. He reached down to grab it now, easily tearing open the tissue paper. Inside was a keychain: the Texas state flag in the shape of the state it represented. His home.
He stared at it for a moment, imagining you picking it out this morning, having only just known it was his birthday for a few hours. You went out of your way to get him a gift. No one else even bothered to acknowledge his birthday yet today, and here you were, coming into his office to surprise him. And what did he do? He called you a whore.
He was a fucking idiot. He had to find you. He wasn’t sure what he would say, but he had to try to smooth things over.
Joel ran out of his office, jabbing the ‘down’ button on the elevator.
“Joel, I have security on the line, they need to speak with you.” Ruby called out to him from behind her desk, but he waved her off, giving up on the elevator and running towards the stairwell. Once he made it to the 6th floor, he jogged down the aisle that headed towards the accounting department. It took his anxious fingers two tries before his security code worked, pushing the door open, his gaze immediately traveling to your desk.
You weren’t there. He approached it slowly, noticing the picture of your parents was missing.
“Mr. Miller? Can I help you?” the girl he now recognized as Debbie rolled her chair out of her cubical, surprised.
“Yeah, when did she leave?” he gestured towards your desk.
“Maybe 5 minutes ago? She didn’t say anything, she just left. Is she ok?” But Joel ran out of the department, the door swinging back open before Debbie could even finish her question.
Joel raced towards the stairwell. He passed the women’s bathroom, hearing some yelling inside. Right before he opened the door to head downstairs, he heard something crashing to the ground. He didn’t bother to look back, he had to find you.
Gasping for breath, he pushed the door open that entered the lobby. He hurried past the receptionist desk, when a thin girl with curly blonde hair piped up from behind the desk.
“Mr. Miller! The police were just called, something happened upstairs, people are hurt! Security is-”
Joel didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. He forcefully pushed the front door open and stood in front of the building, breathless and frantically looking around trying to spot you. There you were, about half a block away, your hair blowing in the wind as you hunched over the box you were carrying.
Joel called your name, but you didn’t turn around. He called it again and again, and still no response. You probably couldn’t hear him over all these people yelling on the street. Why were they yelling?
Finally, on the fourth attempt to get your attention, you slowed your pace, but still did not turn to face him. He couldn’t blame you. He ran to catch up with you, reaching out to put his hand on your shoulder. Finally, you turned around to look at him, your gaze distant and face carved with fury.  He could see the tears in your eyes and the pain on your face that he caused. His chest tightened. He hated seeing that, and he hated even more that he caused it.
“Please, just stop and listen to me,” Joel panted, desperate to make you stop so he could catch his breath. Running down ten flights of stairs really made him feel his age.
He opened his mouth to make a poor attempt at an apology when six trucks rolled up to a screeching stop in front of his building. Dozens of armed soldiers with FEDRA adornments spilled from the trucks, charging into the office. The two of you stood together, stunned at what you were seeing. Then Joel heard the screaming, followed closely by gunfire. He grabbed both of your shoulders now, realizing this was serious and he needed to get you to safety. “Run!” he yelled at you, but you just stood there before him, a dazed look on your face. He gave your shoulders a quick shake and repeated himself: “Run!!”
That seemed to do the trick. Your gaze cleared, dropping the box you were carrying as he grabbed your hand, hauling you as far as he could in the opposite direction.
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Joel nearly pulled your arm out of its socket dragging you down the street, careening around groups of people on the sidewalk, and ducking when bullets sounded too close. You clutched your purse against your body with the opposite arm, and briefly looked across the street to see crowds of people running in the same direction as you. You occasionally bounced off of bodies as Joel dragged you further away from your building. Finally, you reached the end of the street, about to cross, only to see more FEDRA trucks and soldiers bearing down on the crowds of people surrounding you from around the corner. You both paused long enough to see soldiers tackling and pinning down innocent civilians, their screams of terror filling your ears.
Joel yanked you in the opposite direction and around the corner, fleeing down a secluded alleyway, desperately trying to find someplace safe to hide. You heard yells and snarls somewhere in your wake, but you didn't dare turn and look, you had to keep pushing forward.
You both stumbled into a small courtyard, scattered with random pieces of patio furniture and surrounded by buildings. The two of you paused a moment to catch your breath and get your bearings. Joel whipped his head around and looked up at the sudden deafening noise of a helicopter overhead. Before it could spot the pair of you, he hauled you down another small alleyway that was empty, and even had a bit of aerial coverage due to a fire escape.
You both gasped for breath, frantically looking around to make sure no soldiers were nearby. As the roar of the helicopter faded and your breathing evened out, you finally looked at one another.
"Why is this happening? Is it a terrorist attack?" You asked him, your hands were shaking and you didn't realize you had been crying.
"Those were FEDRA soldiers attackin' people, I don't think it's terrorists," Joel said, letting go of your hand for the first time so he could rub his face. He glanced around again. You were between to a two story building and what looked like a hair salon. He took note of the fire escape above your heads.
"Alright, there must be offices or apartments or somethin' up there, let me see if there's anyone on the street first, then let's see if we can get in and wait this out."
He moved to poke his head out, but you grabbed him by the shoulders, yanking him back in a panic. He looked at you, taking in the fear on your tear streaked face and your trembling hands.
He picked up both your hands and grasped them in his own, holding them against his chest. "Look at me. Breathe, c'mon," he mimicked deeply inhaling through his nose and exhaling out his mouth until you did the same. He waited until your hands steadied a bit before saying, "Now I need to see what's goin' on out there, we need to get off the street. I promise, it will be OK."
You nodded, letting your arms fall to your sides and out of his hold. As Joel slowly peeked his head out, you kept your eyes glued to the other end of the alley to watch for anyone sneaking up on you.
"Alright, looks quiet. The door's just a few steps over, I think it's a bodega. There must be apartments up top we can get to, c'mon." He took your hand again, carefully exiting the alley and only bringing you out behind him once he confirmed no one was around. He pushed on the door, but it wouldn't budge. He gave it another shove, this time more forcefully. You could hear the bells on the other side of the door jingling. Worried you were too exposed and making too much noise, you pulled on Joel's arm, begging him to give up and think of another plan, when you both froze. You heard the lock clicking on the other side, and the door pushed open a crack.
An elderly man peered out through thick framed glasses, eyeing you both up carefully. "Either of you sick?" He asked, still keeping the door mostly closed.
"No, we ain't sick, we're just lookin' to get off the streets, soldiers are killin' folks out here," Joel replied, "please, we won't stay longer than we have to, you got my word."
The older man considered Joel's words for a moment, and then pulled the door open all the way, hurriedly ushering you both inside. He locked the door behind you, and pulled the diamond shaped metal security door in place after. You noticed he already had the windows secured with the same measures.
Joel was right: it was a little bodega. Your eyes swept around the shop, aisles filled mostly with snacks and other sundries. Along the back wall was a refrigerated and frozen section, towards the front where you entered was the cash register, and behind it a wall packed with cigarettes, some first aid, electronics, razors, and other items that were frequently pilfered. 
You were not alone in the store. There were four others sitting on the floor against the wall. Two men roughly middle aged, one girl a little older than you, and an elderly lady, who you assumed was the owner's wife. The others must have been customers in the shop before the shooting started.
You introduced yourselves to them, sliding down against the wall to the floor next to Joel to rest.
The elderly shop owner rifled behind the counter and procured a bulky radio. He placed it on the counter, tuning it to find a station that could give you some clue as to what was going on.
One of the men, Dan, addressed the room: "Anyone know what's going on out there?"
Paul, the other man, spoke up. "I don't know, man, but I've heard some freaky fuckin' shit. Someone I ran into out there said people are biting other people, makin' them go all crazy, tryin' to eat each other."
Joel scoffed, "C'mon, that's bullshit. Ain't no way that's happenin'."
"Man, it's fuckin' insane out there. The news was talkin' about the hospitals bein' overrun with some virus, then this happens? I'm just sayin', it ain't as crazy as it sounds." Paul replied, shaking his head.
"I saw it." The girl, Lindsey, spoke up quietly, staring distantly at the ground. "I saw someone bite another person. But they didn't look like a person anymore... their skin was gross, and they were missing hair. They looked almost like an animal or something, the way they jerked their body around."
The room fell silent for a few moments, everyone taking in what Lindsey said. Colleen, you thought to yourself, as you tucked your knees up against your chest, resting your chin on top, and clutching your purse to your side. She was bit, and she looked sick. Was FEDRA at your building because she was biting people? You shuddered at how close you came to being a victim. Joel saw and whispered, "You ok?"
You nodded sharply, not wanting to look him in the eye. You still remembered those words he said to you, those words so filled with hate and disgust all because you wouldn't put out. And now you were depending on this man who couldn't stand you to get you to safety. The only man you knew in this city that for sure was still alive.
A robotic voice from the radio filled the quiet room. It was announcing an emergency, clarifying it was not a test. It advised listeners to stay inside with doors locked, that the federal military has been deployed and to not open your door for anyone except them.
The message repeated over and over. You sighed, the events of the day catching up with you. The kindly bodega owner told you all to help yourselves to the food available, so you grabbed a few bottles of water, some granola bars, a bag of chips and a candy bar. You were starving, realizing you hadn't eaten lunch and it was getting late.
You returned to your spot against the wall, and halfway through your second granola bar, Joel rejoined you. He had grabbed some water as well, but picked up some beef jerky, trail mix, and a couple other things. The others had begun to mill around and stretch their legs, chatting amongst each other to keep their minds off the horrors outside.
"You sure you alright?" Joel asked softly while biting into another piece of jerky.
"Fine." You said curtly, keeping your gaze down. You knew this wasn't the time to unearth your problems, not with the world conceivably ending around you. "Thank you. For, you know, finding somewhere safe and all that."
He paused, looking at you for a moment like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how. "You're welcome, sw-, uh," Joel stuttered, almost using his pet name for you, but remembering the way he said it last time, decided it wasn't a good idea. "I'm just glad we made it. We'll figure this out and get you back to your family."
Your family. You hadn't even let your thoughts drift to your family, they must be worried sick. Your mom especially, who always tried to talk you out of moving here. You had to try to call them at the very least.
"Do you have your cell phone?" You asked Joel, looking him in the eye for the first time since you entered the bodega.
"Yeah, 'course, here." He reached into his pocket and handed the phone to you. You flipped it open and dialed your house phone, but all you heard on the other end was 'We're sorry, your call cannot be completed. Please hang up and try again.'
So you did just that, several times. You groaned in frustration, flipping the phone shut and handed it back to Joel. "Thanks anyway," you said.
"Phone lines must be down, dear," the owner's wife spoke up after seeing you struggle. "Our landline isn't working, either."
You looked in her direction and nodded sadly. The only hope you had now was to make it to a safe zone the government hopefully sets up, and you could try to contact them that way.
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It turned out, Lenny and Maria, the bodega owners, lived in the apartment above the shop. They went upstairs and brought down as many extra pillows, blankets and cushions as they could find. They explained their apartment was small, only one bedroom, but they did have a couch. The group unanimously agreed Lindsey should take the couch. The poor girl was there alone, and it wasn't courteous for Dan or Paul to claim it, so it was a no brainer. They left the key to the bathroom on the counter by the register and headed off to bed.
You had created as comfortable a bed as you could, laying down a thick blanket against the wall on the tile underneath, and covering yourself with another. Luckily, the bodega had a few shirts for sale, as well as toothbrushes and toothpaste. You snagged a shirt that had the NY Mets logo on it and changed out of your work top in the bathroom, folding up your blouse and placing it gently near your pillow.
Joel had chosen to make his own bed next to yours. He gave you a little space, but not much. He didn't know these two men you shared the room with: they seemed like they were trustworthy, but things can deteriorate quickly when people realize no one is around to enforce the rules anymore.
You turned on your side to face the wall, tucking the blanket under your chin. Joel looked over at you, the dim glow from the refrigerators casting over your form, as he watched the steady rise and fall of your breath. You were so scared earlier, the way you grabbed him in the alley with that wild look in your eye, probably in shock after what he put you through, and then the chaos that ensued. He rubbed the heels of his hands into his tired eyes.
He needed to apologize. When the time is right, he needed to explain himself. Right now would not be that time. He could tell you had been through too much today and needed your rest. It was then that Joel vowed to himself to get you to safety. If he ruined his chance with you, the least he could do was make sure you were safe.
He laid on his side and faced your direction, watching your breathing slow when you fell asleep. In a different world, right now he would be out with Tommy celebrating his birthday, and hopefully riding the high of you accepting his date. Instead, he yelled at you and the world went to shit. Christ, was Tommy ok? Did he know what was happening here? Was it happening anywhere else?
His eyelids grew heavy. He shifted so the keychain in his pocket didn't dig into his thigh. He took one last look at you before shutting his eyes and falling asleep.
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The group of you spent the next three days holed up together in the bodega, sharing handfuls of dry cereal and snacking on the food from the shelves. At dinnertime, Maria was generous enough to make everyone a meal in the little kitchen upstairs. You all huddled around their modest dining table, occasionally flipping through the channels on the television, hoping something would appear other than static or the station’s sign-off announcement.  Sometimes at night, you could hear gunshots and yelling, but it was far enough away that it didn’t worry you too much. It wasn’t until Tuesday that you heard patrolling soldiers from their trucks, encouraging citizens to come out of their dwellings to be taken to the safety of a quarantine zone.
Joel hesitated at first, remembering how he saw FEDRA soldiers tackling innocent people in the streets, but he didn’t see any other option. He couldn’t reunite you with your family if you stayed holed up in a bodega, and even if he could make it to his car and drive you himself, the entire city was on lockdown.
The group of you filed out of the bodega slowly when you heard a FEDRA truck approaching down the street. A few soldiers jogged up, inspecting you all carefully, asking questions like “Does anyone have a fever?” and “Was anybody bit or attacked?” Once it was clear you were all healthy, you climbed into the back of the truck, clutching your purse, your folded work blouse shoved inside.
The makeshift quarantine zone was set up at a high school on the edge of the city. The soldiers explained it was less populated in that area, and therefore less infected people. You connected the dots: the questions about bites, the infection, the fever. It seemed like the crazy rumor Paul and Lindsey talked about was true, people really were going insane and hurting others.
Everybody stood in a line and waited to be processed at the entrance of the school. The soldiers took turns taking each of you into a small room to inspect you closer for any bites and checked your temperatures before allowing you to continue. At the next station, you were each handed a thin blanket, a pillow, and a small bag of essential toiletries, then led through the doors into the school’s gymnasium.
The room was enormous; filled with people, bags and cots. Beside you, Lindsey cried out in joy, bolting across the room when she saw a man she recognized, presumedly a husband or boyfriend. Dan and Paul wished the rest of you well, thanked the older couple again for their hospitality, and drifted away into the crowd.
You gave Maria and Lenny each a hug, thanking them over and over for keeping you safe, and promised to return to their shop once everything went back to normal. Then it was just you and Joel again.
He led you around the various clusters of people until you found an unclaimed cot. You tossed your provisions and your purse on one end and looked back up at Joel.
“Well, I guess this is it,” he said, glancing around the room trying to think of something else to say. Neither of you had talked about the argument you had, and the more time that passed, the more difficult it became. You stared down at your hands while fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, all the words left unsaid just kept getting pushed further and further down.
“Uh, once you get settled in, go find one of them soldiers at the entrance and see if they can’t contact your folks for you,” Joel said, shifting his weight. “I’m sure they can find someone out there.”  
You nodded, keeping your head down and biting your lower lip anxiously. The only person you knew who was alive in this city was leaving you. You tried to keep him from seeing how nervous you were, so you turned to spread your blanket out on your cot, and began to sift through the bag of toiletries to occupy yourself.
Joel watched as you slowly unpacked your things, the words he so desperately needed to say stuck in his throat. Just say it, say you’re sorry, you will never get another chance again.
He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out. He wasn’t sure why he couldn’t say it. Maybe because he thought it wouldn’t matter, maybe the seriousness of the situation everyone was in took precedence, or maybe because you had hardly spoken a word to him since the outbreak. Instead, he turned and walked towards the opposite side of the gym, setting his stuff down on an empty cot next to another man. He was wearing a Yankees hat on top of his bald head, sporting a full, dark beard and hiding a beer gut under his worn out white T-shirt.
"Hey, man," he stretched his arm out to Joel, "Louis."
Joel shook his hand, "Joel." He muttered, glancing back towards your direction.
"If you wanted a spot closer to your girl, I can switch." Louis offered, following Joel's gaze.
Joel shook his head. "She ain't my girl," he said sadly.
"Ah, yeah, man, I get it." Louis replied, scooting closer on his cot so he could lean closer to Joel. "Let me give you some advice though: if you care about her at all, you won't leave her alone here, you get me?" His voice was lower now, capturing Joel's attention away from you.
"What do you mean?" Joel asked, eyebrows raised. Louis looked back in your direction as you stood up to follow Joel's advice about speaking to one of the soldiers.
"I mean, I've heard some shit, at night. We all have. There's a couple girls who are here without anyone, and some men around here have noticed." Louis put emphasis on the last word to imply something dark.
Joel frowned, leaning back and glancing around the room. He did notice there were hardly any women that were alone, most of them were with family or friends. Then he saw a small group of three men diagonal across the room, their eyes following you as you exited to speak to the soldiers about your parents.
He looked back at Louis, shocked. Louis nodded subtly towards another group behind the two of you, who also had been looking in your direction. Jesus, things really went to shit quickly.
"What the fuck?" Joel whispered towards Louis angrily, his jaw clenching. "Why haven't you told the soldiers?"
"We do, man. Every time. I don't think they care, they are more worried about infected than stuff like that. I'm starting to wonder if some of the soldiers are in on it, too." Louis shook his head, adding "When my wife gets here, we are leaving fucking immediately, I suggest you take her somewhere else."
Joel rubbed his hands over his face. "Where else is there?"
"I don't know, man, people are saying this virus is all over, not just the city. But I'm not letting my wife stay here. I'd rather take my chances out there." Louis hitched his thumb over his shoulder, gesturing towards outside.
Joel sighed. "Alright, thanks. D'you mind swappin' with her? I'll get us outta here tomorrow."
Louis packed up what little items he had, and headed over with Joel towards your cot. You had just sat back down, looking defeated and lost. The solider said they would try to help you out if they could, but they weren't making promises, that everyone in this place was looking to contact someone.
"Hey, c'mon, get your stuff, you're comin' over by me," Joel said gruffly, still angry about what was happening here. You looked up at them both, confused. "Why?"
"I'll explain later, just hurry up before someone else takes the spot." Joel avoided looking you in the eye and instead glanced back over his shoulder, noticing the group of men from earlier were watching.
You wanted to argue with him, but thought better of it. He's been sleeping next to you for the past three nights, what difference did it make now.
Nodding at Louis, who shot you a tight smile and set his stuff down on your now vacated cot, you got up to follow Joel across the room.
The next morning, you woke up early, before the sun, to see Joel with his back to you, sitting on his cot, alert and wide awake. You laid there for a while, running your eyes up and down his back and across his broad shoulders, taking in his striking side profile when his head turned. Even though you were so badly hurt by his words, you were still undeniably attracted to him, which was incredibly frustrating. You let your eyelids flutter back closed, and replayed the kiss you shared over and over in your mind. It felt like a lifetime ago, but it gave you some comfort, ignoring everything that happened after that kiss.
When the sun filtered in through the gymnasium windows, you begrudgingly pulled yourself up, stretching and yawning, finding Joel was packing up his things. "What're you doing?" You asked sleepily.
"We're leavin', get your stuff." He replied, not looking up.
Joel hadn't told you why he wanted you to switch spots closer to him, and you didn't ask again. You weren't sure you wanted to know. You just packed up your things quickly, and stood to follow him out of the room. You passed by Louis on the way out. Joel reached out to shake his hand once more, and Louis nodded to you, saying, "Stay safe out there, sweetheart."
You gave him a small smile, trying not to show the sadness that filled you to hear the term of endearment Joel used to use, and exited the school the same way you arrived.
Chapter Seven
256 notes · View notes
funkymbtifiction · 2 years
Note
Sorry to potentially bother, feel free to ignore if you'd like! I'm just terribly curious, though, as to what you discovered that made you sure of your 3 fix over a 2 fix. It would be interesting to hear your process of discerning it in yourself since it's your (I believe) last fix. I (and I'm sure many people) have trouble with the last fix.
Also, I hope your break was refreshing, and thank you for all you do!
I think it's true that your first fix shows up loudly, especially as an area of play (like me escaping reality into writing and wanting a quiet life and even not possessing much energy outside my hobbies) and that your third fix is a ghost. I always had the most trouble with my heart fix and bounced around -- but I think that's the point.
Bermudas (369) can't locate themselves easily. They use 9 for inner peace, 6 for endless questioning and rethinking, and 3 to just put their head down and work rather than deal with their feelings. And that's what I do. I am less about people and their needs than achieving my goals, beating my own deadlines, and being proud of my accomplishments. I can't take time off, get bored with down time, and need to be doing something all of the time that is productive / gets something done, in order to be at peace with myself. I think 3 is pushing 9 not to be lazy; it's pairing up with 6 and saying, "You had a list of 6 time-intensive things you wanted to get done this summer -- let's do them all now!" (I got them all done in a couple of weeks, btw. Characteristic of me.)
I decided to take my own medicine and journal more this month, and I found a lot of frustration being recorded about self-perceived time-wasting and inefficiency in myself. I'm also always striving to improve; it's less about 'finding my heart' and more about 'why wouldn't you want to be the best?' I really like something John Lucovich said about 3s:
In teaching the heart Types, I often compare the heart to a cat. If you walk into a room and directly approach a cat, most of the time they’ll ignore you or run away. If you indirectly approach a cat, giving it space and no pressure, generally, most cats will find their way onto your lap. The heart is similar. This principle is most obvious in Type Threes who are deeply heartfelt, but there’s a way in which they become so preoccupied with efficiency that they expect their lazy, temperamental cat-like heart to be efficient as well, to meet them when they schedule a meeting - but the heart doesn’t show up on time and the three decides they’re not coming to the meeting, so better get back to their tasks. Thus, over time, the actions and goals of Three can become out of sync with their hearts real wish.
That pretty much encapsulates my difficultly in finding my feelings. I'm upset and depressed -- but I should still have written 4 thousand words today on my book! What's the matter, why can't I push through and get it done anyway? I sat down here and am ready to deal with my feelings, but 60 seconds has passed and they haven't shown up, and there's 15 profiles I want to put in the queue. So I reread his sp3 description. It has always resonated better than sp2. Task-oriented, goals, get it done, body is a machine, what do you mean I've caught Covid and can't get out of bed? Dammit, the living room needs painted!
I'm only still feeling out the 3-ness, so I may have more to add later. But it tripped me up initially because I thought, "I don't shape-shift that much." 3s often can do so skillfully. But then I realized, I do but it's conscious -- a tactic 6 is using to fly under the radar. I know the games other people play and either choose to go against them, or to go along -- "I don't believe this or care about this, but if it's what they want..." I can deliver it in a passable way. And I've always, always been hyper-tuned into how things look and "right" aesthetics.
I also have been noticing fixes in others, and the 269s are more loving than I am, less critical, and way more approachable. I tend to come across as aloof, whereas people are always approaching them for assistance. It's kind of funny, really. I gladly help people whenever I am asked, but I care more about making sure my manuscripts are flawless and "practice make perfect" than serving others. I am a lot more like a 369 that I know. We both have trouble with "down time," both struggled to find our locations, both second-guess things too much, and are generally amiable online.
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A Clash of Kings - 16 BRAN II (pages 221-237)
Bran continues his journey to come to grips with his physical limitations, gives people food for thought about the inheritance rights of bastards, and sits about listening to old men trying to keep the north running and preparing for winter.
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"We were having a jape with Hodor," confessed Big Walder. "I am sorry if we offended Prince Bran. We only meant to be amusing." He at least had the grace to look abashed. Little Walder only looked peevish. "And me," he said. "I was only being amusing."
Not sure I care very much for the Walders. You notice neither actually apologised to Hodor, (even if he didn't understand what was going on) or actually to Bran, they were sorry for offending authority and even then only once they got in trouble for it, so they weren't really sorry for being a pair of asses, they were sorry they got caught.
"Can't you take a joke?" I can, but you haven't told one yet.
"A good lord comforts and protects the weak and helpless," he told the Freys. "I will not have you making Hodor the butt of cruel jests, do you hear me? He's a good-hearted lad, dutiful and obedient, which is more than I can say for either of you."
MVP Luwin back at it, this time bringing us a subtle but quality roast.
"Lord Bolton has never acknowledged the boy, so far as I am aware," Ser Rodrick said. "I confess, I do not know him." "Few do," she replied. "He lived with his mother until two years past, when young Domeric died and left Bolton without an heir. That was when he brought his bastard to the Dreadfort. -"
RIP Domeric, I hear you weren't complete trash, now excuse me... *rummages around in the storage trying to find the guillotine* I need to be ready for when that trash arrives.
Bran wanted to give the lady a hundred men to defend her rights, but Ser Rodrik only said, "He may look, but should he do more I promise you there will be dire retribution. You will be safe enough, my lady... though perhaps in time, when your grief has passed, you may find it prudent to wed again."
Hey, umm, Lady Hornwood is... she's the one who... brb, rethinking my stance on 'no human being deserves to be burnt alive'
Urgh, I'd suggest sending that trash and his smelly friend to a hell dimension, but there's a chance they'd still be the worst things there.
Finally all of the principal vassals of House Stark had been heard from save for Howland Reed the crannogman, who had not set foot outside his swamps for many a year, and the Cerwyns whose castle lay half a day's ride from Winterfell. Lord Cerwyn was a captive of the Lannisters, but his son, a lad of fourteen, arrived one bright, blustery morning at the head of two dozen lances. Bran was riding Dancer around the yard when they came through the gate. He trotted over to greet them. Cley Cerwyn had always been a friend to Bran and his brothers. "Good morrow, Bran," Cley called out cheerfully. "Or must I call you Prince Bran now?" "Only if you want." Cley laughed. "Why not? Everyone else is a king or a prince these days! -"
He seems nice. (genuine)
ngl, "should I call you Prince Bran" now just set off my brain: "What's your name?" "Darien." "Not for long! Soon you'll be Prince Darien. It's a big difference, you see."
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mochii-evelaand · 8 months
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Sinful Love
Back in the 1850s historical figures were brought back to life. Some evil, some lost in their own void, some yearning for love, and some back for vengeance. Although, they all shared something they can't forget, their sins. Shadows and monsters of the past haunt them, even if they may smile from afar, nothing will ever change the hollow darkness they never cease to notice. To feel your chest tighten with every step, memories of loved one's crumbling to dust, a heart so broken it hurts to even try and stop its hurting.
In this time no one is kind. Nobles after money and riches, society getting rid of who ever is different, the poor begging for help as they die from sickness or hunger. Even the orphanages weren't a place a child could eat properly. But, that doesn't stop people from changing and also falling in love, no matter how sinful it is, and no matter how wrong it was.
It's peaceful to see the parks full of couples and happy kids, the sight so wonderful and heartwarming, yet it made me feel lonely, longing for someone I could love, someone that can erase my worries without judging me or my past. Was it so hard to find someone like that? It was to me. Not until a few months though and I can't explain it.
Can a man fall in love with another man? Because, it appears that I did so, and they're now staying in this era, where I can chase them as much I want. The man was from Comte's mansion. Soft wavy magenta coloured hair, mismatched green and magenta eyes, and a murderous smile that sends shivers down my spine. His identity is pretty much known to me, but he's still a mystery I haven't solved, like a lock with a rusty heart that no key can open.
Alyth was his name, yet I heard some of the residents call him Cheshire, which I believe is somewhat accurate for his personality. Sharp witted, always keeps an eye around him, appears out of nowhere and often leaves a riddle here and there to help, and mostly playful, his wide smile the made his sharp teeth glisten in the dim light made him.. sexy.
Should I even be close to him, and why do I feel so attracted to him. Like a moth to a flame, his character intrigues me.
"Charles, what are you day dreaming about?" My thoughts were cut off as Johann spoke, and I realised I was staring blankly at my food. My lord even seemed confused, placing a hand on my shoulder. I don't know what to say, or if I'm even supposed to say anything. "Nothing. Say, I have a small question.." The two men hummed in unison, raising a brow as if they knew.
"Is it possible for a man to fall in love with another man, guys?"
"...Cheshire, isn't it?"
"Wahh?! How did you know?"
The two shared a glance, Johann smiling ever so slightly, while Vlad had his usual innocent pure one that hid his murderous tendencies. I was still confused, silently staring between the two. "It was obvious." The two spoke in one voice, and I was completely shocked. How did they know? Am I being watched? I thought no one would notice. "But.. Cheshire is quite the enigma. Though-" My lord paused, pushing a strawberry into his mouth and savouring the taste. "He likes you. Those cat eyes never show what he's thinking about, but he does think of you. Take a leap of faith and think about it... but I warn you that Cheshire is more dangerous then he lets on."
His words weren't a lie, Cheshire is quite dangerous, and those mismatched green and magenta shine uniquely in the dark like small lights- did he say he likes me? I took a close look at Vlad, rethinking his words. "Huh? He likes me?" The two shook their head, Vlad smiling and Johann completely done with my shit. The night continued with me asking questions, or the same one, and it was reassured everytime. I still wonder who Cheshire really is even if I knew him for three months.
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