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petriform · 1 year

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celebrating five years of "nothing is for sure," a Big Post! live set and streaming playback stats, the story of "albacore song," and more!

"nothing is for sure" is now five years old! i still consider this to be my most consistent non-concept album (if you want concept albums, i'm begging you to listen to "florence"), and it remains a mainstay of my live setlists! "the jacket" continues to be a part of my ~brand identity™®~ five years on, though i've retired the specific jacket that is depicted - performing in that in the summer was Not Great! (a current depiction would see a vest with way, way more buttons.)

i was curious to see what the play stats looked like after these five years, especially in comparison to how i've treated the material in live sets over the same time period. this is gonna be a long, wildly self-indulgent post, but if i can't nerd out about my own shit, how can i expect anyone else to? and hey, there might be insights applicable for other independent musicians somewhere in here, maybe! (maybe?) so here are the stats!

all told, "nothing is for sure" looks to have attracted over 30,000 streamed plays between the four services i queried. i... wouldn't have imagined that! i'm not going to compare these numbers to any other album of mine because assembling the data takes work and i'm lazy! maybe for the next album anniversary! these numbers aren't inclusive of the instrumental versions, by the way.

as far as the live numbers go, looks like i've played songs from "nothing is for sure" 39 times over 15* live sets since 2017. eventually i'll finish porting my setlists into an actual database for ease of analysis, but today's not that day.

*it's 16; i played a set in february 2020 (oof) for which i've lost the setlist. it's not accounted for in these stats or anywhere else.

initial takeaways from these charts:

i'm really overdue to perform "gone without!" (okay, and "delete!delete!delete!" too, but i feel like that one is inflated by being track 2.) i've been aware that people like this one a lot, whereas i personally prefer most of the other songs on the album. i couldn't tell you why that is. i aaaaaalmost played it for the first time the last couple of sets, but switched it up at the last minute because i felt (and still feel) like it'll be difficult to perform (the verses are fast and long).

on that note, i DO plan to play every song off this album live at least once, and i've been slowly chipping away at that goal. god help me when i try to pull off "punch buggy slug bug" live; it'll almost certainly be the first and last time. i think i'll save "over like rover" for last - it's only fitting, right?

dang, now i have it in my head to just play a set that's just the album front to back. pls book me to do this 🥺 (but ideally book me to do "florence" in full first)

i dunno why spotify likes "pace yourself" in particular but thank you spotify listeners

in retrospect it's curious that neither i or the listening audience seem to regard "ahead of your time" relatively highly given that's the Song That Says The Album Title

all that said, here are some...

fun facts about "nothing is for sure" live:

the first "nothing is for sure" track i ever played live was "killian is lying to you" in march 2017 at DNA Lounge in san francisco - over 15 months before the album's release

this was the only song from the album i played live before its release.

the most recent "nothing is for sure" track i've played was "albacore song" just this past month (may 2023) in san jose, in a set that also included "stay (wish on a star)," "k7 (k9 - k2)," and (for the first time ever!) "wilson phillips screwdriver”

i've got a lot to say about "albacore song" later!

since the album's release, i've never gone a single set without playing a song from the album.

since the album's release, i've never gone a single set without playing "stay (wish on a star)" specifically. this wasn't on purpose. it's in my top 5 most-played-live songs and is creeping up on a few that i no longer play often.

even if i'd never played “stay (wish on a star),” the bullet point prior to that would still be true.

i've had multiple sets post-"Dither Beach" where i failed to play anything from "Dither Beach" but still played stuff from "nothing is for sure".

tell me about the downloads! the $ale$!

okay. without getting too specific, compared to my other full-length albums on bandcamp, "nothing is for sure" is the:

2nd highest-grossing*,

4th most-purchased,

5th most-downloaded.

(if you're wondering what the top albums are for those rankings, "Don't Worry, You're Great!" is all of them. the way things are going (streaming going up, downloads and CDs going down), ostensibly, it'll be that way for a long time.)

the parameters with which i personally measure "success" for my own projects are complicated, but "nothing is for sure" was a success.

*album downloads on my bandcamp are name-your-price. digital gross is pretty much entirely what folks feel like paying. this figure includes CD sales; without CD sales, it'd be 5th.

okay so what did you mean about "albacore song"

so people who've attended my live shows will know about this, but people who have only listened online might not!

i first played "albacore song" in july 2018 at DNA Lounge; the first show post-album-release. cool! that was the one and only time i played it... until chiptune colleague piecesofeight spun up a mashup thereof with Madonna's "Like a Prayer" that struck a chord with me.

so as a nod to that, and in service to my (wavering) habit of doing at least one cover per set, i played "albacore song" once more - again at DNA Lounge, three years later - but this time, i swerved into a cover of "Like a Prayer" for a couple minutes, and then back into the rest of "albacore song."

thus began a tradition of me using "albacore song" as a medley-riffic launchpad for covers that i invoke wherever I can! i'd done (and still do) similar stuff (swerving covers into "Super Dog Park") before, but "albacore song" has gone from a played-it-once song to a recurring trojan horse of sorts for covers in my live arsenal - if you hear me go into "albacore song" these days, expect to hear Something Else before it's over!

this is the first time i've committed these to writing in one place, but here are the covers i've rolled into "albacore song" so far:

Madonna - Like a Prayer

The Catherine Warwick version of Pollyanna from MOTHER (twice)

M2M - Don't Say You Love Me (gotta repeat this one, it was fun!)

and they likely won't stop there! i've since thanked and gotten to meet piecesofeight in person (after having played a set that, ironically, was my first irl set to not include albacore song in years. oops!). you never know when someone or something will alter your course for the better in unexpected ways!

it turns out even less is for sure

those of you who have been around me for a while have known me to periodically release companion pieces to my full-length albums when there were songs that just barely didn't make it onto those albums (most recently for "florence").

the thing about the "nothing is for sure" sessions, though, is that i had a LOT of material in consideration. way more than any other album i've ever done. coming off of "Don't Worry, You're Great!" i was on fire, writing tons and tons. i've entertained the idea of doing the "nothing is for sure" companion piece before, but it'd be a greater task than usual due to how much viable material was in there to begin with.

but as you may have seen me announce, i'll be releasing an eight-track companion piece consisting of the best of those leftover projects titled "...especially any of this" before the end of the month! more "nothing is for sure" for all! this is the biggest companion piece i've ever released, so i'm excited! and... i've got my next album coming along on top of that! stay tuned!

tell me about it!

i can crunch the numbers for as long as i want, but there's no substitute for real feedback. so if you have something to say to me about "nothing is for sure," fire away! what did you like about it? favorite song(s)? ones you want me to play live more? ones that sucked? hey, the album isn't getting any newer or younger - i wanna know!

all in all, whether you were there for "nothing is for sure" when it came out or you've arrived since, i hope you continue to enjoy what i still consider one of my best albums and proudest achievements. thank you!

#chiptune #chiptunes #8-bit #famitracker #petriform #long post #chipmusic

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kinetic-elaboration · 1 year

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February 20: Thoughts on Lists

Very tired, a little too warm, and I have a very slight headache, but I am satisfied. I did everything I had intended to do today—except write this post, which I am doing now. I feel very much like I am close to… something. Reaching some list-related goal. Like soon I will have done enough things on the list that I will have an empty list and I can populate it with new items from the even bigger list. I feel this way both at work and at home, and it’s weirdly exciting and exhilarating to think about. Like I am sure that somehow this new list will fix me. But I think it’s also that… I have had the same stuff on both lists for a while. Like basically since the new year. I keep doing work, I think, or at least trying to, but stuff on the list just doesn’t get done. Maybe nothing gets done (at home) or maybe other stuff gets done (at work) or maybe I chip away very slowly at the lists but the items are very large (mostly work) but the overall feeling is one of just clawing at a wall that has no handholds.

On the other hand, it’s also true that I have accomplished some stuff in the last couple of weeks that has been hanging over my head for a long time. Got all my winter doctors’ appointments out of the way, even the rescheduled one; finished the blanket I was sewing; finished some reading, both novel and fic, that I’ve been working away at for some time. I also wrote a whole-ass fic and somehow I keep forgetting I did that! A little depressing to think of all this because it makes me feel that I will not actually be satisfied by this list-reset that I am dreaming of so ardently. Still, it’s satisfying to have days like today, where I say I’m going to do X number of things and then I do all the things. At home, anyway; at work, I was constantly derailed by discussion of the snotty, entitled kids who tried to use our work room last Friday after hours. I had this conversation like 4 times. I mean, it was fun all 4 times but the latest archival folder did NOT get opened.

The plan for tomorrow is mostly to get my grocery shopping done, and after that I don’t really care. Anything else I accomplish after work is basically extra. I feel mostly on track… maybe it’s the weather combined with sunset coming later, or just another bit of luck, but I don’t feel like I’m running away from things I need to do or want to do or that I know would help me in some way. Of course it’s all small potatoes now. I’m building up to the bigger stuff. Maybe that’s what I’m excited about, really.

#the year 2023 #2023: rl #i said nothing about writing bc I simply cannot deal with that rn

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charcherry-weekly · 2 years

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Charcherry Weekly - Issue 110

Hello everyone, Mage of Light Nick Card here. Those two dittos at the gazebo really know how to put on a show. There's more important things going on than that though. Let's get to the news.

A Time of Camaraderie

At the beginning of the week, a new visitor to the memo showed up, by the name of Timi. He is reportedly a temporic who either does not remember much or does not like revealing much. Heir of Time Rise Emit acted as our group's designated temporic relations ambassador and offered to send him an abra. The gift was accepted and Rise was given a location to deliver to. Traveling with Page of Rage Jovin Castle, the two of them quickly got lost in the catacombs underneath Fort Aspara. After at least a half hour of floundering through the maze, they managed to reach the exit together. After reciting the tumblr pass-code, the two of them were able to confirm their meeting with Timi. Soon after, Timi was given the abra, as well as a short lecture on responsibility. After the meting, Rise and Jovin returned home. Timi later reappeared on the memo a few days later to check in briefly. It is assumed that the goodwill mission was a success, but only time will tell how things pan out from here.

Sus Incidents

There are a number of slightly odd happenings recently that seem to hold an odd amount of importance to them. First of all, the mountain vision of the skaian magicant that was mentioned last week. Why was Rogue of Heart Charles stated to have been sneaking in that scene? Also, Prince of Time Aeons Edgeworth mentioned that Charles did not react well to the vision, having gone pale at its mention.

Shortly after that, Charles going painting shopping. The stated reason was to decorate the chamber in his sea base which holds the equipment required for stationary holographic pokemon battles. It appears to be an excuse that does not hold much water. Another odd occurrence, Enker.EXE desiring to play Terraria after months (possibly even a year) of not returning to it. There was a mention of evil eyeballs that seemed particularly noteworthy, though I am unsure why that stood out.

Long before that, in an entirely different continuity, there are logs of Charles complaining about the sensation of their hand being "sliced off and soldiered back on", roughly 20 minutes before the end.

Another thing, Bota's wrist-top had been damaged recently, assumed to have something to do with the suggestion of "noodle arms" (this does not make sense as a reason, as far as I can tell). Charles arrived at Bota's treehouse to repair the device and was able to confirm that it once belonged to Ack, the alchemeter cultist leopard gecko consort. Ack has not been seen since February 2021, as far as I can tell.

I am unsure how any of this fits together, but my lighty senses are sensing something.

This week’s known market stands in Desertia Town:

Baseball hat stand (this week)

Couch stand (this week)

Katie's potion stand (*CaFAI filling in for Katie when unavailable)

Brae's canned goods stand (Ran by Prism in Brae's absence)

shinyjiggly pokesnacks stand (ran by Rufus)

I managed to get my first half turned in for the swap event, and got my second half game to finish from Pianotm. Having gotten a second half swap game from him before, I know how his dev style works to a degree. Meanwhile however, I'm slowly chipping away at a scene in none pizza with left beef, with the appearance of Boa, the doomed Rise from an unspeakable timeline. Let's hope I can get the game finished before the 25th, without too many distractions. In other news, Jovin has been moving forward with his gym leader duties, focusing on training a number of wild pokemon, in addition to his own. I think that about does it for this week. https://letssosl.boards.net/thread/335/charcherry-weekly-issue-110

#charcherry weekly #sbargv2 #sbarg2.5dungeoncrashers #pokemon

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cheri-translates · 3 years

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Headcanon: Let’s break up on the 30th of February

This work, 我们 2月30日号分手吧, was originally written by 君兮耶君兮 on Weibo, and she has given me permission to translate it 🌸

[ VICTOR ]

Every failed prank pulled on Victor has only served to embolden you. Once again, you’ve come up with an idea on how to challenge him.

“Victor. After giving it much thought, I've decided to break up with you on the 30th of February.” Exercising your acting skills, you bite your lower lip, standing before him with a pitiful expression. Your eyes are welling with tears as you pretend to be torn between reluctance and resoluteness.

“Mm,” Victor responds simply.

Without lifting his head, he circles some data on your proposal with a red pen, then draws a cross.

Hold on, why is this situation turning out different from what you imagined? Wasn’t he supposed to tug on your hand, begging you not to leave with reddened eyes? Turns out the television dramas lied!

You gripe, pinching his ear. “You actually responded with just a ‘mm’!”

“What else?” He creates some distance between himself and the desk, giving you more space to move. Resigned, he covers his hand over yours, rescuing his poor ear from your clutches.

“Do you not love me anymore? As expected, men don’t know how to treasure what they’ve obtained!” You lunge at him, and the chair swivels backwards along with this action. Fortunately, Victor holds you before you fall.

“Didn’t you say it yourself?” After keeping you steady, he brings you into his arms.

Enraged, you give him glare, climbing up from his body and giving him an angry stomp on the foot. “Who was the one who said he’d never leave me? Now that I want a break up, you aren’t even trying to make me stay.”

Victor’s brows scrunch up in pain. “Did you really think I wouldn’t know that the 30th of February doesn’t exist?”

Seeing that your plot has been unravelled, you chuckle in embarrassment. Trying to placate him, you nuzzle into his arms. “Heheh, Teacher Victor is really smart!”

He encircles his arm around your waist. As though he’s forgiving a playful child for the umpteenth time, he pinches your waist as a small punishment. “Since a certain someone doesn’t have sufficient IQ, I’ll have to make up for her absence of IQ.”

“Victor, there’s no need for personal attacks!

[ GAVIN ]

Having an off day from work, the two of you decide to stay at home instead of heading out.

He’s currently reading a book while you’re scrolling on your phone as usual. All of a sudden, you come across a pretty interesting prank, and decide to use it on Gavin. “Gavin, let’s break up on the 30th of February.

Gavin freezes, the arm around your shoulders loosening by quite a fair amount. He turns his head stiffly towards you, a dash of pain flashing in his dimming amber eyes. “Have you... thought it through?”

“I have. We’ll break up on the 30th of February.” You give him a nod of certainty.

Gavin retracts his right hand which was around you earlier. With his brows tightly knit, he speaks carefully, his tone filled with unease. “Then... before you find someone who can protect you, could I continue protecting you in the meantime?”

Oh my goodness, I forgot how honest this man could be.

“Gav, look at the calendar.” Knowing that you’ve gone too far, you hurriedly tap open the calendar app on your phone.

“I’m not looking! I know that it’s the 26th of February today, and there are four more days till the 30th.” Gavin cranes his neck away, pushing away the phone you’ve brought to him, tone slightly upset. If he had ears on the top of his head, they’d definitely be drooping.

“Why don’t you take another look?” Suppressing your laughter, you push the phone in front of him again.

“I don’t want to!” He squeezes his eyes shut. “You’re going to tell me that it’s a non-leap year, which means there’s a year and four days left. But a year passes by really quickly, and the 30th will arrive soon.”

Oh no, I’ve shocked this poor boy silly.

Not receiving a response from you even after a long time, Gavin opens his eyes to find that you’ve been rendered speechless. He lowers his head with a pout. “Am I wrong?”

With a sigh, you lift his head, giving him a gentle gaze as you explain. “Dear, it’s a non-leap year, but there are only 29 days in February even in a leap year. There will never be a 30th February, which is why I’ll never break up with you in this lifetime.”

“...”

Gavin blinks, reacting only after a long while. Reaching out to encase you back into his arms, his fluffy hair nuzzles the crook of your neck affectionately. “You gave me a scare. In compensation, go stargazing with me tonight.”

[ LUCIEN ]

The bathroom is always the easiest place for inspiration to strike.

“Lucien, I’ve made a decision. I’ll break up with you on the 30th of February.” Your expression is solemn as you step out of the bathroom, looking at Lucien as he reads a book.

The light in Lucien eyes dim, and he sets down the book. With a mellow tone, he asks, “Little Butterfly, are you serious?”

You nod, repeating yourself once more with the acting skills you’ve picked up from actors during filming. “I’m serious. We’ll break up on 30th February.”

Lucien pauses for a moment, then lowers his head in thought. The situation dawns on him, and he releases a sigh, casting you a resigned glance. Tugging on your hand so that you sit in front of the dressing table, he takes out the hair dryer and dries your hair slowly. “Sorry. Even though I know there won’t be a 30th February, I won’t agree to it.”

“Huh? Why not?” You turn your head, speaking loudly amid the whirring wind. “Since you’ve already figured it out, just play along with me!”

He pats your half-dried hair, then turns the hair dryer off. Then, he locates the styling brush and tidies your hair. “I don’t wish for us to be tainted by the term ‘break up’, even if the chances of that happening is zero.”

Lucien is indeed pretty sensitive when it comes to this matter. Realising this, you obediently sit still on the chair like an elementary school kid, leaving him to tidy your hair. “Okay okay, I was in the wrong. I won’t joke about such things next time. Also, I can promise that the butterfly will never leave her painter in this lifetime.”

“Good.” The corners of Lucien’s lips curl upwards, satisfied.

He picks up the hair dryer again. “Since you’ve admitted your mistake, your punishment will be to make me cream puffs, and accompany me to class tomorrow, in the capacity of a family member.”

[ KIRO ]

Once again catching Kiro red-handed as he steals your snacks, you grab a fistful of his hair angrily. “Kiro, since you’re always taking my snacks, I've decided to break up with you on the 30th of February!”

“Miss Chips, you saw that post too?” Kiro completely ignores the first half of your sentence. As though lacking even a shred of remorse, he places your favourite snack back in its original position, unable to hide it in time. He stands up obediently, the innocent expression on his face causing your anger to dissipate.

“Huh? You already know about it?”

“Of course. There’s nothing Kiro doesn’t know!” Being able to escape unscathed, Kiro’s imaginary tail wags in the air.

You roll your eyes, chasing him away from the snack cupboard. “Boring.”

“But Miss Chips, let’s not say such things in the future. I’ll admit that I was a little frightened earlier.” He lifts his hand, showing you a gap between his thumb and forefinger. “But just a little.”

“Really! Did I really scare you?” Pleasantly surprised, you turn around.

Kiro arches his brows in astonishment, then lowers his head as though upset. “Miss Chips, what’s with that excited expression?”

“Ever since we returned from the haunted house, I’ve always wanted to give you a fright, then snap photographs of your expression and make them into memes,” you laugh, taking out a small box from your pocket. Retrieving the lock from within, you clasp it onto the snack cupboard under Kiro’s shocked gaze.

“Miss Chips!!”

On that day, all the citizens within 10km distance had a discussion online about how they heard a man mimicking the voice of superstar Kiro, but his tone sounded so miserable that it was akin to a squealing pig awaiting its demise.

[ SHAW ]

After who knows how many times of facing Shaw’s mockery, you decide to give him a scare by employing a new prank you learnt on the web.

“Shaw, I’m ending our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend on the 30th of February!”

Shaw’s eyes flit to you leisurely as he grabs the final chicken cutlet on the coffee table. Revealing a triumphant grin, he begs to be punched as he responds, “Pick another day. There won’t be a 30th February in your lifetime.”

???

Finding this incredulous, your eyes widen. “You little brat - you’re looking forward to the end of our relationship, aren't you?”

“I wouldn't say that I’m ‘looking forward’ to it, but it’s inevitable.”

He doesn’t explain further, licking the corners of his lips. Then, he takes a sip of mixed cola from your coke. The longer you watch him, the more enraged you are. It’s often said that people tend to lose their rationality when angry. Without much thought, the words in your head leap out of your mouth.

“Fine! Since you’re so certain, I’ll end this relationship with your annoying eggplant head today!”

“Sure.” Shaw feels around in his pocket.

You turn around to leave, never wanting to see this eggplant head ever again.

“Hey, wait.” He suddenly calls you. “I haven’t gotten my household register.”

Puzzled, you turn around with a glare. “A break up is just a break up. Why do you need your household register?”

Shaw stares at you as though he’s looking at a blockhead. “We’re ending our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, so isn’t the next step to start our relationship as husband and wife?”

At this stage, it’s difficult to remain angry. Yet, in order to preserve some dignity, you stutter and stammer, face flushed. “W-who even wants to start a relationship as husband and wife with you!”

“Who else but you?” Shaw digs through the drawer, retrieving both of your household registers. Grabbing your hand, he pulls you out of the house. “Let’s go and get a marriage license.”

–

More translated and original works: here

–

[ Permission to translate ]

君兮耶君兮: You can - just note the source of the author

#mlqc #mlqc gavin #mlqc kiro #mlqc lucien #mlqc shaw #mlqc victor #aeiofjsdklneiowahfsdkl #S H A W

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kevindayscrown · 3 years

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The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Kevin's birthday special.

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Head over to the directory to find the previous parts.

This is not in the canon timeline. It's simply a special, and Eric and Kevin have probably been dating for a few years. The next part in the series will continue where the last one left of.

Kevin's birthday is always a tricky subject. Eric is never sure how to make it memorable or good. Last year, Kevin had insisted on not celebrating it at all.

Eric can guess why. He doubted Kevin's birthday was ever celebrated in Evermore. Kevin hasn't talked about that explicitly yet, but it doesn't take a lot for Eric to get it.

This year, Eric is convinced to show Kevin that his birthday deserves to be celebrated.

The day before the twenty second of February, Eric makes a show of not mentioning anything. They are spending the evening sitting on Kevin's bed, watching a documentary on the striker's laptop. Eric is usually content with that, but now he is too occupied with thoughts about the following day.

"You aren't being as talkative as usually. Should I be worried?" Kevin asks with that snarky tone of his.

Eric rolls his eyes but simply wraps an arm around his waist and holds him closer. Just as he had been able to start reading Kevin, Kevin has also started recognising the patterns in Eric's behaviour.

"Nah, it's fine. Just thinking about an assignment I have to do," he says, conjuring up a quick excuse, his eyes still stuck on the screen.

Kevin remains mostly silent after that and the evening goes as it usually does; they watch half of the documentary and then they make out for a while. Sometimes, it goes further than that.

This time, Eric stops it. He has a birthday to plan.

"It's the assignment," he says. "I'm not going to calm down until I've finished it."

Kevin nods and says nothing, although he seems suspicious of Eric. It's all forgotten when Eric leans in for another kiss, a peck on Kevin's lips, before standing up.

The goaltender rushes outside, only to be stopped by the rest of the so called Monsters, sitting in the sofa and in the bean bags, occupied by a video game.

"Still nothing?" Neil Josten asks, not taking his eyes off the screen, even if it's the twins and Nicky playing and not him.

Eric makes sure he has closed the door to Kevin's room before he turns to them.

"Nothing. I've no idea what I'm supposed to do and it's almost midnight," he says with a sigh of frustration.

Andrew pauses the game when he realises that Eric won't leave until he gets some help.

"It should be something Exy related. Since he is so obsessed with that," Aaron says sarcastically while waving a chip around and then shoving it in his mouth.

"I want it to be something special," Eric grumbles and sits awkwardly on the armchair of the couch.

"Maybe Kevin doesn't need special. Maybe he just needs something chill, something that will take his mind off of everything," Nicky recommends and steals a chip from Aaron.

Eric remains silent for a moment and then his eyes widen. He doesn't bother sharing his idea with the rest of them, he simply rushes off outside of the dorm.

Kevin thinks that Eric - and everyone else - will simply forget that tomorrow is his birthday.

It doesn't matter after all. It never did. Sure, his fans will make a big deal out of it, and maybe some sports programs will prepare some small tribute, but Kevin can easily forget about those.

Riko always made sure he did, after all. He always made sure that Kevin would practice a little harder that day, made sure he would keep him occupied with his poisonous words and his sharp knives.

Kevin follows his usual routine, finishing the documentary and then reading a bit before getting ready for bed.

At midnight, he checks his phone, not sure really what he is expecting. When he sees he has received no messages, he puts it down and goes to sleep.

Next day is almost completely uneventful. No one mentions a thing and Kevin tells himself it's better this way as he goes on about his day.

He meets with Eric when afternoon practice is over. Eric comes to pick him up from the Foxhole Court, but much to Kevin's surprise, they aren't heading to the Fox Tower.

"Where are we going?" He asks as he turns to look at his boyfriend.

Eric only smiles and says nothing as he keeps driving. Eventually, he parks outside of their once usual hang out spot.

The abandoned house that is regularly used for frat parties looks the same as it always did. Kevin raises an eyebrow but indulges in whatever Eric is planning and heads out of the car.

The two of them sneak inside like they always do when they come here. They find their way upstairs to the attic and to their spot by the window. Where they usually sat on the floor, now there is a couch and they make themselves comfortable.

Eric pulls Kevin against him and rests his head on top of his, convincing himself to not stare at him. He knows that the light from the setting sun is gonna shine on the other's face and make his facial features stand out, but Eric settles with imagining that instead and closes his eyes.

Kevin remains silent for a moment until he can't stand it any longer. He looks up at Eric and grips his chin, making him look at him.

Eric stares back into those emerald eyes, daring him to say anything. Technically, there has been no mention of Kevin's birthday.

"You are insufferable," Kevin finally says, making Eric grin.

"I know."

Eric leans in and kisses Kevin softly, arms settling around his waist as he pulls him closer. Kevin doesn't complain as he settles against Eric.

Eric doesn't break the kiss until he has to. He reaches down and under the couch and pulls out a badly wrapped box.

Kevin glares at him and pushes it away.

"I told you last year; I don't want presents."

Eric sighs and puts the box down on his lap.

"This isn't Evermore. You know that, right?" He asks him. "I know your birthday isn't the only day I can remind you of how amazing you are, but it just gives me more of a reason to do so."

Kevin hesitates and looks down at the box. He reaches for it and unwraps the newspaper wrapping slowly.

When he is done, he is holding a red sweater with Eric's number and last name on the back.

"I know red is your favourite colour. And I know you think it doesn't suit you. But I actually think it does," Eric explains when he sees the puzzled expression on Kevin's face. "Plus, you sporting my jersey number is kinda hot."

Kevin rolls his eyes even if he isn't annoyed. Not really. He grips the sweater in his hands and then turns to Eric.

"You really are amazing, Kev. I only want this day to be a happy one for you, not one ruined by bad memories. You are safe. You are here with me," Eric says.

"Thank you," Kevin finally mutters after a small moment of silence. Eric smiles.

"You can thank me another way," he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows that has Kevin scoffing and rolling his eyes again, more genuinely this time.

He can't resist though. He puts the sweater down and pulls Eric in for a feverish kiss, his arms wrapped around the other's neck.

Eric laughs against his lips for a moment before shoving the now empty box out of the way and pushing Kevin on his back, going on top of him.

Kevin knows that this isn't the most special thing someone could have done for him on his birthday.

He doesn't care. It's perfect all the same.

And even as time goes by and he now has his head on Eric's bare chest, looking out at the nignt sky while the goaltender is snoring softly, he wishes that every day was his birthday.

#all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #the raven king #the kings men #kevin day #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #matt boyd #kevin day x oc #OC: Jiang Eric #palmetto state university #allison reynolds #renee walker #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #aftg headcanon #aftg au

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kaitycole · 3 years

Text

chapter 5: let the schemes begin

Summary: Two little friends have always desired one thing: to end up as siblings. So when the chance presented itself after a finalized divorce, who were they to decline such an opportunity to finally bring their parents together?

Pairings: Bokuto Kōtarō x f!Reader

Word Count: 4453

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Mentions of divorce, cheating, cussing

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this series. Part of the @babythotshq Dearest Daddy Collab

Tags: open (send me an ask to be added!)

January 5, 2026

Jess watches her daughter through her laptop screen, the little girl has been quiet for about five minutes and she looks worried which makes her mother want to reach through the screen and comfort her.

“Seiko, baby, what’s bothering you?”

She sighs, swinging her feet back and forth. Ever since Misaki’s birthday something’s been on her mind, but she’s been too afraid to ask her dad or her mom. Usually Seiko would just say what was on her mind, ask whatever questions she had that popped into her head, but this was different, her dad and Y/N whispered when they talked and stopped when her or Haruki came into the room.

“Nothing, Mama.”

“It makes Mama sad when you’re upset.” Jess pokes out her bottom lip which gets a giggle from Seiko.

“Daddy said he made that face up!”

“Oh, he did? That sounds like Daddy.”

Seiko smiles a little, “can I ask you something, Mommy?”

Her sweet and low tone melts Jess’ heart as she gives her daughter a smile. “Of course baby girl.”

“What’s a divorce?”

Jess sucks in a quick breath, trying to decide how best to approach it while also curious as to where the subject even came up.

“Well, it’s when a mom and dad stop living together.”

“Why?”

“Sometimes it’s because they may be fighting a lot.”

“Why?”

“Because sometimes people stop getting along.”

“Oh.” Seiko starts wringing her hands again. “I heard Haruki ask Daddy about it. Does that mean they don’t love him anymore?”

“No baby. Y/N and Youta love Haruki very much, just like Mommy and Daddy love you. Divorce is a grownup thing, but it has nothing to do with Haruki.”

Her golden eyes start shining, filling with tears. “Promise, Mama? I don’t like Haruki sad.”

“I promise. Can you go get Daddy?”

Seiko bounces out of the chair, quickly returning to her usual energetic self as she runs out of the room, shouting for her dad. Jess laughs when Bo walks into the room, carrying their daughter upside down as she squeals.

“Daddy put me down!”

“If you say so.” He acts like he’s going to drop her which only makes her start to squeal louder before he finally sits her down on the floor.

“Mommy wants you. I think you’re in trouble.”

Bo looks directly at Jess with a puzzled expression before she shakes her head. Seiko giggles before running up to the laptop.

“Bye Mommy!” She leans forwards, kissing the screen. “I love you!”

“I love you too baby girl! I’ll talk to you tomorrow!” She waves as Seiko runs into her room, leaving her parents alone.

“You look radiant as ever, Jess.”

She blushes, “you, as handsome as ever Bo.”

“Seiko said I was in trouble.”

“You are. How dare you not tell me about Y/N and Youta’s divorce.” She shakes her head, quickly checking her phone after it pings, Bo catches the way she bites her lip as she smiles at whatever she’s reading.

“I didn’t know you were so invested in their marriage.”

“I’m not, but I am invested in the happiness of my baby daddy.” She smiles wide, knowing Bo doesn’t really care for that term, that it makes him feel cheap, but she can’t let a teasing moment pass them by

“I’m not happy about it.”

“Maybe not directly, but it does leave Y/N open for new ventures. New possibilities. New relationship with an old friend, perhaps?”

“Jess! The papers aren’t even signed.” It wasn’t like the thought hadn’t briefly, very briefly, crossed his mind. A chance to finally tell you how he felt, but just like back in high school, the timing was all wrong.

She repeats what he said, mocking him which makes him roll his eyes. “Well either you can tell her or I will.”

“You wouldn’t.” Bo narrows his eyes at her and she mimics the expression.

“Do you really want to test that theory?”

There’s no doubt in Bo’s mind that Jess would actually do it which slightly worries him. He knows her better than himself most days and that she only has the purest intentions when it comes to him, it was something that he saw a lot in Seiko too. Even if there was a chance for him, he knows he has to tread lightly since it’s not just you he has to worry about but also Haruki and somewhere in there Youta counts too.

“Just promise me you won’t wait forever?” She tilts her head with a soft smile on her face. It’s the same one Seiko makes when she first wakes up and Bo feels a tug on his heart. “Even the knight deserves happiness in the fairy tales.”

“I promise. Just want to make sure the timing’s right.”

* * Mid-April – 2010

Bokuto had realized his feelings for you on a seemingly random day after the first volleyball practice of your second year. He was thrilled when he heard that a first year named Akaashi Keiji was a setter, but the first person that he wanted to tell wasn’t there: you.

He had a few crushes before this, but he could tell this time it was different. The only downside to this realization was that now he found himself nervous to be around you alone. Before it didn’t bother him to sit next to you, shoulders brushing against each other’s, but now he opted for a seat across from you and if he had to sit next to you, his face was red the whole time. Then came the struggle between telling you or not telling you, both sides had a plus and negative.

Telling you meant you had the chance to share his feelings.

Not telling you meant he could keep you as a friend.

Telling you meant you could reject his feelings.

Not telling you meant you two would only be friends.

And of course, the one person who Bo would normally go to when he needed serious advice was you, but you were the one person who couldn’t help him with this one.

** “Yukippe!” He called out to the second-year manager at the end of practice.

“Ko-chan!” She smiled as she turned to face him. She raised an eyebrow at his demeanor, he was chewing the inside of his cheek while nervously shifting weight between his feet.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Which class?” She put a hand on her hip, a small smirk on her face.

“Huh?”

“You need notes, right?”

“Oh, no.” He shook his head, “It’s uhm…I need advice.”

Her eyes widened, grabbing his hand she dragged him over to the bleachers, patting the stop next to her for him to sit. “Advice about what?”

“Well I think I like someone…”

She cut him off, “Is it Y/N? Tell me it’s Y/N!”

He wanted to deny it, but if she guessed that easily, obviously he wasn’t good at hiding his feelings. Or it could have just been you’re the only person he really hangs out with outside of the volleyball team. But if it was obvious, had you picked up on it? Or was that a sign you didn’t like him back?

“If it’s that obvious how come she didn’t already notice?” He sighed, shoulders dropping.

“She could just be shy. You two are really close, maybe she’s just nervous. Or she could want you to make the first move, some girls like that.” Yukie shrugged.

“What if I tell her and it ruins our friendship?”

“But what if you tell her and you have a really great relationship?” She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, “you can’t be in the game if you just stand on the sidelines, right?”

* * The first time Bo went to confess he had practiced his small speech all night, not falling asleep until close to 2:45am. He even asked one of his sisters to iron his uniform in exchange for doing the dishes all week and made sure he left a bit earlier. If there was a pre-confession checklist, he had all the boxes checked and ready to go. It was all planned, he wanted to tell you his feelings as soon as he saw you, but he also didn’t want it to distract you from classes, you were very serious about getting into a good university. So as much as he hated to wait, he held out until the end of the day, right before practice.

He had told you to meet him at your locker after your last class and he pepped up when he got a quick glimpse of you waiting there for him. Taking one last deep breath, he continued to walk towards you until he saw something that brought him to a complete halt. You throw your arms around some guy he doesn’t recall seeing around Fukurōdani Academy, but to be fair that wasn’t saying much. He didn’t really keep up with people who weren’t in his class or on the volleyball team. He tried to hold on to the confidence he had all day, but it was shattered when you waved him over, introducing whoever the guy was as your boyfriend.

That’s how Bokuto spent all of his second year and most of his third year, watching you get into a relationship with what felt like everyone but him. He’d smile when you introduced the newest guy who confessed, whisper how sorry he was when you came to him crying when the relationship inevitably ended, help you pick up all the pieces. He became the one you could turn to who didn’t have an ulterior motive, the one who was just there for you without you even asking him to be.

Then after Bo felt he had waited long enough, that you were in a good place after the break-up, he’d get ready to confess only to have it shot down by you introducing him to the guy who managed to confess a day or so before he had the confidence to. And the cycle just continued, you got in a relationship, broke up, Bo went to confess, you already had a new guy, leaving Bokuto’s self-esteem to slowly be chipped away.

* * February – 2012

“Bokuto-san, you should really say something to Y/N.” Akaashi said, helping the ace pick up a few stray volleyballs from their extra spiking practice.

The ace just shrugged, he had realized that it had been a while since your last break up and you hadn’t been acting like you were in a new relationship like you usually did. But for longer than he’d care to admit, he’d held on so tightly to his feelings that he wondered if he could even let them go.

“I’ll support whatever you decide, but I’d hate for you to regret not telling her years from now.” Akaashi gave Bokuto a small pat on the shoulder before he headed for the locker room.

** March – 2012

Bokuto took a deep breath and smoothed the wrinkles on his shirt. Today was the day, he was finally going to confess his feelings for you. He had it all planned out, with Akaashi’s help of course. He had bought the small owl keychain you had said you liked last weekend when out shopping.

His heart fluttered when he heard your laugh and his pace increased even though his legs felt like they’d give out at any moment. He swallowed thickly, the heaviness of his nerves filling his chest with each step he took. The butterflies in his stomach multiplied making him feel a slight wave of nausea when he finally sees your face. You jumped up from the bench you’ve been sitting on, waving him over eagerly with a huge smile on your face. Something about this time felt right to Bo and he dug into his pocket, tightly holding on to the keychain.

“Bo!” You throw your arms around him and he let the floral scent of your perfume calm him.

“Y/N.” He cleared his throat, “I want to tell you something.”

“Can I tell you something first?” You smiled at him and gave him a small pout which he knows he can’t refuse. How could he ever say no to you?

“Of course.” What was a few more minutes?

“I got into Kyoto University!” You started to jump up and down, hugging him once again.

“Y/N, that’s awesome! I’m so proud of you!” The two of you sat down on the bench, knees slightly touched when you turned a bit to the side to face him.

“Thank you!” You let out a breath, “it might sound odd, but I’m glad to be going to university single. No distractions, I can just focus on me and my degree.”

You had started to ramble about the course catalog and the two different majors you were torn between, but Bo didn’t hear any of it. Your words repeated on a loop in his mind, breaking his confidence and maybe even a little of his heart. He wanted to get up and just go home, skip practice, he didn’t care about Nationals right now. Once again, he was too late, but for some reason this time felt more permanent.

“Bo! Bo!” You called out, “what did you want to tell me?”

When he looked up at you, you had that signature smile on your face, the one he always looked for on a bad day or the same one Akaashi would point out when he hit a slump during a game and it broke his heart.

“Nothing. Oh wait,” he stood up, pulling the keychain out of his pocket. “I just wanted to give you this.”

Your eyes widened and you squealed when the owl keychain was placed in your hand. You had briefly mentioned you liked it while the two of you walked past the small shop. To be fair you weren’t sure he had even heard you, but you weren’t surprised, Bo always came through. You pressed yourself up on your tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek, thanking him over and over for the gift.

At that moment, Bokuto wasn’t sure which had hurt him more. Coming to confess to you, just to see someone had beat him to it or coming to confess just to hear you say you didn’t want a boyfriend. Each time had taken a toll on him, each time carrying the heavy weight of rejection, but this time Bo knew it would be the last time because he couldn’t take that pain anymore.

* * January 13, 2026

“Let’s go to the swings, Hakkun!” Seiko grabs the boy and drags him across the playground.

“No. I don’t want to!” He tugs his arm away from her which causes her to stop and look at him. Haruki didn’t normally act like that, usually he just went along with whatever she wanted to do, but lately he’d been acting differently and Seiko didn’t like it.

“Fine! Play by yourself!” Seiko stomps away, crossing her arms as she goes. When she finally hops up on the swing, there’s an older girl on the one next to her.

“Don’t worry. Brothers can be moody sometimes.”

It isn’t the first time someone called them siblings, assuming they were related which usually bothered her because she didn’t think they looked anything alike. But this time, it gave her an idea that she wanted to share with him. Though it would have to wait because she was still mad at him.

* * January 20, 2026

You and Youta have been sitting across from each at the kitchen table going over the fine details of your divorce for the last half hour. It still feels weird to you, for months the two of you could barely hold a conversation, but within the last few weeks it was as if you were back in college. As if this whole process was the same as a college debate and you both were able to effortlessly keep up the conversation. It was as if when you both accepted the end of your relationship had come, that pressure to make things work, to keep up the facade was gone and you two could breathe again.

It feels weird that 12 years of your life was now simplified into a small stack of papers, that somehow the love that you two had stumbled upon on a college campus was just gone. The same love that brought your beautiful son into the world had somehow vanished without you noticing. Maybe you had noticed, maybe you saw the way Youta’s eyes never stayed focused on you for long, how even when he was there he seemed to be somewhere else. Maybe it was something you had known when the lack of your husband’s touch had stopped bothering you and you’d wish he had stayed out all night rather than stumbling in at 3am just to end up waking you.

Your son walks by the table, going into the kitchen and grabs a snack that he knows he shouldn’t have because it’s almost time for dinner. He tries to walk by you, without a word before you reach out, stopping him.

“Ruki, it’s almost dinner. Let’s wait on the snack, okay?” You say, your tone gentle as you reach out to pull him into a hug. You were used to your son being more reserved than outgoing, he usually preferred to read or draw and always opted to be in the living room so he was around you but could still be alone. But recently you noticed that he preferred spending most of his time alone, if there wasn’t a specific reason to be around you or Youta, he holed up in his room.

“But I don’t want to.” He puts up his arms, pushing away from your embrace before he starts to open the foil package.

“Haruki, I asked you to wait for dinner.” You reach for the package, but he yanks it out of your reach.

“I don’t care!” He shouts, walking back towards his room.

“You need to apologize, Haruki. That’s not how you speak to your mother.” Youta stands up from the table, a serious expression on his face as his words come out steady and firm.

Haruki stops midway down the hall, turning his head slightly to the side and he mumbles an apology, heading back into his room before you or your husband could say anything further.

* * February 22, 2026

“Hakkun!” Seiko throws her arms around her best friend, squeezing him a bit tighter than usual. She had been talking to her parents about what was going on between you and Youta and when she asked how she could help, they told her just to make sure he knew he was loved.

“Hey Seiko.” He gave her a small smile. You had dropped Haruki off with Bo since you had a job interview and Youta had to travel to Miyagi for a short business trip.

“My daddy said we can watch him practice if we want!” She smiles, taking his hand in hers, “you still wanna play volleyball, right?”

He shrugs, “I guess.”

“Maybe you and Saki-chan could practice together! Uncle Kaashi is gonna teach her!”

Haruki follows her to the top of the bleachers, she swears it’s the best spot to watch, but Haruki would’ve been fine on the first row. Both of them are watching the MSBY team run drills when Seiko screams before turning to Haruki.

Bo immediately starts apologizing to the team who just waved him off, telling him that it’s fine, they love Seiko and the slight distraction was the perfect chance for a small break.

Sakusa’s eye twitches as he glares towards Bokuto, “I really wish she was more like Jess.”

“Seiko is perfect the way she is.” Hinata quickly adds, giving the outside hitter a thumbs up.

“Is she?” Sakusa raises his brows before walking away, leaving both Hinata and Bokuto speechless.

“Speaking of Jess, how is she doing?” Meian jogs over to his teammates, water bottle in hand.

Atsumu cocks his head to the side, curious about his captain's seemingly sudden interest in Jess, but before he can ask, Bokuto begins to tell him that they had just talked earlier that morning and she’s been doing fine.

** “I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN IDEA!” Seiko shouts before Haruki reaches over to cover her mouth with his hand.

“Seiko, inside voice.”

Her cheeks turn red and she gives Haruki her signature sorry smile before waving at her dad telling him the same.

“Sorry, I just got so excited.”

“What did you forget to tell me?”

“Remember when we were at the park and I wanted to swing?”

He just nods, he didn’t like thinking about how mean he had been and what made it worse was when he tried apologizing, Seiko just brushed it off, telling him that it was her fault not his.

“A girl called you my brother.”

“People do that a lot.” Haruki turns his head when he hears the smack of a volleyball, his attention going back to the MSBY practice. It wasn’t anything new for them to be mistaken for siblings even though they didn’t really look anything alike.

“But what if we were siblings?”

“Then one of us would have totally different parents.”

She huffs, annoyed with his attitude, but remembers what her mom said and calms down. “No, I mean what if your mom and my dad got together.”

His head snaps towards the little girl, his attention completely on her. “What?”

“My dad always smiles around your mom.”

“And my mom really likes being around your dad.” He taps his chin with his index finger, thinking. You did seem a bit sadder since he learned his parents were getting a divorce and he knows Uncle Bo makes you laugh a lot. He looks over to Seiko who has a grin on her face, “what did you have in mind?”

“I’m glad you asked.” Seiko leans towards Haruki, cupping her hand and whispering in his ear.

** “Seiko! Haruki! Get your jackets ready, I’ll be back shortly.” Bo calls up to the two kids who are both smirking.

“Okay Daddy!”

“I’m serious. We have to meet Y/N on time.” He points at his daughter before heading into the locker room, but stops when he hears Jess’s name come up in conversation.

“What yer askin’ about Jess for?” There’s a slight amount of teasing in his curious tone.

“Just making conversation since Sakusa brought her up.” Meian’s almost boring response slightly irks the setter, but the faint blush on his cheeks aren’t lost on Atsumu.

“If yer that worried, I’m sure Bo would give ya her number.” Atsumu raises his eyebrow at his captain who seems to be a bit flustered now.

“I uhm—it’s really fine. I was just making conversation.” Meian shuts his locker a little too hard.

“You’re sure Bo would what?” Bokuto lets his presence known, a puzzled look on his face.

“Invite the team to Seiko’s birthday party, of course.” Atsumu smirks.

“Yeah, of course.” He goes to his locker, grabbing his stuff for a quick shower. It had never crossed his mind before, not that he was opposed to it, but thinking of Jess with someone else left a weird feeling in his chest.

* * February 27, 2026

“What do you think they are talking about?” You ask Bo, both of you looking at the table next to yours. Despite popular opinion, Bo didn’t take Seiko out for fast food often, but you managed to convince him this one time wouldn’t hurt, so here you all were at McDonald’s much to Bo’s distaste.

Seiko and Haruki are sitting close to each other, hands cupped over their mouths as they whisper to each other, eyes going back and forth between their parents and each other. Both of your children had begged to sit at their own table, claiming they were discussing their next big adventure where no adults were allowed.

Bo shrugs, “probably scheming something or another. Seiko’s birthday is coming up.”

“That’s true. Can you believe they’ll be six this year?”

“Sometimes I still can’t believe I’m a dad.” He laughs.

“Anything special planned?”

He leans over, whispering in your ear, “Jess is coming in, it’s a surprise.” When he sits back up, he sees Seiko giggling before she looks down at her food, almost like she had been caught.

** “What do you think they are talking about?” Seiko looks over at Haruki when she sees her dad lean over towards you.

“Adult stuff, probably.” Haruki takes a bite of a chicken nugget.

“Haruki, c’mon. We have to think of ways to get them together.” Seiko grabs one of his fries despite his protests.

“Maybe we should ask an adult.” He shrugs, “they’d probably have more experience with this.”

“But who?” She rests her chin on her hand, looking over at her dad who is laughing with you. Her eyes widen along with the smirk on her face, “I know the perfect person.”

* * February 28, 2026

A yawn comes from the other end of the video call before the lamp on the nightstand flicks on, the once black screen now showing a very sleepy woman, brown hair thrown up in a messy bun.

“Sei…ko? Is everything alright?” She looks at the clock on her nightstand: 4:35am.

“Hey hey hey!” Seiko yells, waking her mother even more. “I have a favor to ask.”

At 4 in the morning? You really are Kotaro’s daughter. “Can it wait until Mommy wakes up, princess?”

Jess already knows by the small pout on her bottom lip that that is just not going to be an option. She sighs in defeat, wondering if she should just get up and get a coffee.

“It’s really important, Momma.”

“What is this favor that simply cannot wait?”

“Haruki and I need help getting Daddy and Y/N together!”

Jess fully supported the idea of Bo and you together, just a few weeks ago she too was advocating for him to tell you of his feelings. But hearing her daughter advocate for the cause left a funny feeling in her chest. She put that feeling to the side, the look on her daughter’s face as she anxiously waited for her answer was enough to take precedence and hearing about the McDonald’s table set-up she had come up with made Jess feel proud. Seiko takes so much after Bo that it’s rare Jess sees herself in her, but when she does, it’s a great feeling.

“Okay, here’s what you do.”

Previous/ Masterlist /Next

#bokuto x reader #bokuto kotaro #bbthots #bbthots collab #scheming monsters

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nurseofren · 3 years

Text

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 28 (NSFW)

Read on AO3 | Read on Wattpad

Read chapter twenty-seven

Title: You Need Me

Words: 5.9k

Summary: Third time’s the charm, right?

Warnings: Lost orgasm

ST Rambles: WOW! Not me posting a chapter a chapter after only two weeks. Nuts, really. As of now, this semester is much less of... it's just less fucking nonsense, if I am being honest. I am getting very excited about my future and where I will be this time next year. I have an interview on February 27th for a new-grad RN residency program. It's all just very strange and adult right now.

[MASTERLIST] || BANNER // @elmidol

However short it might be, you thought you would like to spend the rest of forever exactly like this.

The sun remained hidden, and the light of the moon had faded, leaving you shrouded in darkness and engulfed in the heat of Kylo Ren’s resting form. Not a limb had moved from what you could remember before dozing off last night, your legs kept woven with his, cheek melting into his solid chest, the broad hand between your shoulders less stark in its effort to keep you against him. Still, the world vaguely existing beyond the canopy around you, you remained tucked into him, unsure if you had ever felt this amount of peace before. One difference now, something you’d never had the chance to experience, was the faint tickle of deep, rhythmic breath coming from the sleeping warrior who caressed you.

Twelve. Twelve perfect, dazed breaths kissed your forehead and sent mild sparks dancing along your skin; they followed thoughts of absent nightmares, nightmares that always seemed to keep away when he was near. Looking at him, peering up to see the vulnerability in his slackened mouth and long, looming eyelashes framing the dying purple that lay beneath them, you could tell he had not slept this well since Starkiller. Maybe even before then. Quietly, you allowed yourself somewhat of a small victory at the thought.

You did not know what to do, not wanting to wake him, yet aware that you needed to get ready for your shift. The calendar-chip Karmen had given you had transferred its data into your watch, but your watch was rooms away – worlds away – resting on the refresher floor. The transport ship would be waiting at the front entrance at six, but that had to be at least an hour away if you were banking on the soft darkness surrounding you, not quite remembering what it felt like waking up to real sunlight.

So, ever so slightly, making every effort to silence your breath and shifting, you loosed from his hold and led his arm lightly back down to the bed, watching him for any sign of disturbance. Through the distance, you heard the early, soft ebbing of the sea, noting how it complemented the push of Kylo’s exhales. He did not seem to stir, not even a lapse in his breathing when you rolled onto your back and tugged the linens up to cover your chest, the cold of the room taking residence over the skin previously pressed to the hearth of his own.

Your Master. The Commander of the First Order. Kylo Ren. How strange it was to be here, to see up close every healed and healing scar, to witness the slight twitch in his brow, to study the handsome line of his nose and the various moles that flecked along his cheeks. This was the strongest, most feared and lethal man in the galaxy, and here you were fawning over the light spray of sparce freckles sprawled along his cheekbones. A privilege, you thought, to have the man who haunted nightmares keep your very own at bay.

Lips pressed together, eyes full of wonder, you let the very tips of your fingers trace the raven haze of hair that splayed beneath his dreaming face. And when the dark ends met his shoulder, you risked a featherlight touch over the hand you had earlier placed. An intricate, beautiful pattern of veins jutted out on its surface, his long fingers curled into a weak fist, your focus lingering along the scars cut into his knuckles. A life of scrapes and training and battle and bruises lived in his skin, the veins beneath treading paths along them, like a map, like a guidebook to each blight of hurt that ghosted their blue trails. You swallowed a giggle, wondering if you would pick a sixteen or a fourteen-gauge needle to start an IV on him.

Running your fourth finger along the prominent vein that fled gracefully along his entire arm, you kissed the inside of his wrist, watching his face and never wanting to disturb him, but needing to feel him. A slight upward twitch at the corner of his mouth made your heart jump, choking back a gasp when a curl of hair swept over his eyes. Another fascination, how full his lips were; you touched them, a sneaking whisper of your fingers, pulling down on the bottom one and leaning in closer and closer, warmth fogging your hand, your face, his features unmoving and mild.

The elegant brutality that now crowned his features – it was healing, its edges no longer raised and red, but flush with their binding. Two weeks ago his face had been unmarred, but the whole of you found this new normal breathtaking, heart-stopping. Beholding him now brought you back to that desperate moment, just before he’d carried you to bed, when you clung to him because you believed you’d never get another chance.

Palm flat to his chest, above his heart, following the lead of his lungs, you closed your eyes and rested your lips to the corner of his mouth, and said, quieter than the very thought of a whisper, “I never wanted to hurt you.” A ghosted kiss. “I never wanted to leave then, and…” The steady beat of his heart remained, the rush of your own silencing the tide of the waking bay. With his next breath, with an aching chest that held nothing of the pain it had previously, you breathed, “I never wanted to leave then, and I never want to leave again.”

Not a single tear, not even the suggestion of one, nothing but adamant truth tapping against the canopy’s silence. You needed him here, no longer caring if it stole the innocence and vulnerability of sleep’s caress.

“Kylo,” you whispered, kissing him with intent, coaxing him awake.

A deep, sharp inhale. You could not trap the smile that broke across your cheeks.

A nuzzle against his nose, curious fingers breeching that sea of obsidian tresses. “Kylo, wake up.”

He hummed, his lips finally leading into yours when he left his dream’s embrace. Like he had not wanted it moved, his hand reclaimed your back and pressed you against him, his other hiking your leg atop his own, the feel of his skin warming you to your very center. Nearly melded against him, his bare torso to yours, you felt him harden, felt the heat of his cock grow and thicken, become weighted as it filled and filled. You caught an unbidden gasp, leaning away from him long enough to see the mischief that danced in his eyes.

His arms coiled around you as he stretched, a cant of his hips to finish off the gesture. He was looking down at you, first at your face, then over your body, the skim of his eyes heavy when you could see their every tick. Kylo slid a rough hand up your leg, stopping just beneath the curve of your ass and anchoring himself to the scorching skin of your inner thigh. When he looked back to your eyes, searing amber swallowed by the shadows of the room, you smiled and ground yourself into his erection. Kylo growled in approval, your lips gracing his and feeling the depth of the vibration on his lips.

“You know,” he sighed, sleep heavy in his voice, “they should add assault and battery to your charges.” Those fingers around your thigh reached deeper.

“Hm, and why is that?”

“Because,” he nipped your bottom lip, “I didn’t consent to any of this.”

His crooning tone filtered into your veins, amusement blooming in your chest. “You were asleep. If anything, I was being considerate.”

“Considerate, mm?” Your fingers fisted at his nape, the hand at your back gliding up to do the same. “I guess I’ve been very considerate both times I’ve woken up before you, then.”

“Kylo Ren: considerate,” you chuffed a giggle, “I don’t know about that.”

“Really?” he rumbled, light yet venomous. Kylo tread parted lips along your jaw, your ear lobe slipping between them before he pulled you in and whispered with pride and claim, “Because that first morning, before I left you to sleep in my bed,” the hand around your thigh shifted upward, just grazing your slit, “I stared at the bruises I’d made the previous night, stared at how they’d grown and how they all belonged to me.”

The tip of his tongue slid along the shell of your ear, a pant parting your lips when his cock throbbed into your abdomen.

Kylo’s tone had lowered and thickened when he next spoke, “I thought about waking you up, then,” the tip of his finger pushed into the wetness that had gathered between your legs, a pleasured hum rolling out of him, “thought about fucking my hand while I watched you sleep, knowing my cum had dried onto your thighs overnight.”

Hot, masterful fingers parted your folds, your breath stuck in your throat as Kylo stared into you, watching you when his touch brushed lazily against your clit. His eyes narrowed in knowing pride when yours seemed to flutter, hiking your leg up further, trying to get another graze of his touch. An effort in vain. His hips canted again, slowly this time, stroking himself against the soft skin of your belly.

“I wanted to fuck you awake, really, wanted the first thing you were aware of to be me splitting you open, wanted to see your eyes lull and widen when you realized what was going on.” A second tease of those fingers, slick slipping past your entrance. “And I could have, you know,” he drawled, a third nudge over your stiffened bud, a tug at the nape of your neck.

He waited, observing you before you asked through shuddering breath, “What do I know?”

An upward slant to those plush lips, a tongue running along his teeth, a viper behind his eyes. “You know that I can have you whenever, however I want—” his fingers began a slow, circling pattern, passing over and over that sweet spot “—because you’re always ready for me, always wet.” His hand shifted so it was his thumb rolling over the buzzing nerves, and the tips of three bare, slickened fingers teased your core. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

You ground into him, begging for more of him, the length of his cock burning into you, slipping against your stomach as precum slicked his shaft. With as much nonchalance as you could muster, which was near zilch as you held back hums and winces with each pass of his thumb, you sighed, “Maybe, or perhaps you’re forgetting my life doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Maybe not right now,” he purred, pumping and circling his fingers, effectively inching you toward climax, “give it time. Give me time.”

“What are you talking about?” you panted, pushing your body into his hand, reaching the very brink of pleasure.

His hips canted, he grunted, and when you winced, seethed with pleasure, felt it tighten in your belly and quiver along your legs, Kylo stopped.

“No,” you whined, “no! That’s just cruel,” you pulled his face from your neck, “Kylo, what-,”

He said nothing, but there was something unreadable in his expression that stopped you from readying for battle. It appeared like something had just clicked for him, his eyes so distant he could have been in an entirely different galaxy for all you knew. Just as fast as he was gone, he returned with passive pomp settling a smirk into his face.

You studied him, confused and stunted, but if he wanted to return from wherever he’d gone, so would you. “Hey!” You punched his shoulder. “What the hell?”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

He ground his teeth, sucking them before the most sardonic smile cast over his features. “You should get dressed,” he cooed your name, the sweet tone widening your eyes, feeling the challenge in it, “I would hate for you to be late to your second first day.” He hummed, laving his gaze over the sweat glittering along your heaving chest, tiding viciously with unsated breath. “We both know what happened the first time.”

With a raised brow, “I have two capable hands,” you countered, pushing away from him. “I don’t need you.”

Quicker than you could register, he had both your hands pinned beside your head, his broad, structured body pressing fully into you. “You do need me,” he breathed, nothing feral in his tone, but sure, not a shred of doubt when he said, “you need me, and for this to work-,”

“For what to work?”

He kept quiet for a moment, a decision weighing on him, focus flicking between your eyes and the light that teased beyond the windows, along the horizon. It appeared as if time would have permitted, if the sun had slept in a second longer, he would have answered you. You saw it in his eyes, when he peered down to you, his hair a shield from the rest of the world, you saw that whatever rested against his lips – it would have changed everything you knew. Everything you did not know.

But instead, with a swallow and a sigh, he simply said, “For this to work, you do need me.”

You tested a hand from under his, slipping it so your thumb smoothed along his flushed ear. Flitting your attention between his stark, serious eyes, feeling the panting of his parted lips, you knew you were right when you said, “We need each other.” Your other hand found its earlier home over his chest; staring at its placement, feeling every smooth, unrelenting beat of his heart, you declared, “for this to work, we need each other.”

Another quiet moment, and when you looked up, you found the very beginnings of dawn claiming the shadows that had earlier claimed his irises. Pushing his hair back, you could see that even though you were right – you did need each other – he didn’t want it to be true. Not that it seemed to anger him, but something remained hidden, kept quiet in his gaze, something taut and unyielding; something, it seemed, he did not want to admit – to you or himself.

He nodded. Not a word, not a breath. But more than you would have expected from him in the past.

Equal.

“You could have just let me finish and then been dramatic, you know?” you sighed, easing back from intensity when something of amusement softened his face.

“At least for today,” he purred your name, “your world will revolve around me.”

“And why is th-oh,” the Force nudged your bud, laved at it just as his tongue might.

He leaned down one last time, lips to your ear. “Because you’re not cumming until I let you, and you have a twelve-hour orientation shift to look forward to today.” An icy thrill swept your veins when he promised, “I intend to make each one of those hours memorable.”

“You won’t be anywhere near me.”

“As I’ve found recently,” his hand teased along your curves, the pad of his thumb ghosting the very tip of your nipple. When you shuddered, he hummed, “distance is no longer a barrier.”

Even through the haze of lust, there was no hiding the contempt in your voice when you barked, “And you figured that out how? Through training? While you’re still healing from not even two weeks ago?”

Kylo did not say anything, instead leaning back and letting you out from under him. He was still hard, but you had no time or want to care about that fact. Kylo watched as you stormed from the canopy and gathered your clothes from the refresher, nearly stomping. Through the gossamer fabric, you saw he was amused with you, and when you pulled on yesterday’s uniform to make the short distance to your room, he stood from the bed and sauntered toward you.

“Didn’t Belkar give you orders to not strain yourself for at least a month?” Your arms were crossed to your chest, your remaining belongings tucked beneath them. “You know, you aren’t invincible. You have to know that by now, right? Because I sure as hell do.” The image of his comatose form slithered in and out of memory. You shuddered. “Can’t you just do what’s good for yourself? This once?”

He took the step up from the bed’s level, the heightening sun glowing behind him, crowding the pale blue of the sky with every step that brought him closer. Lazily, like you weren’t lecturing him, he ran the flat of his fingers along his shaft, cocking his head when he stopped a pace away from you.

“Why would I listen to his orders?”

“Okay, then it’s my order,” you said, “because if you want to be stubborn, fine. But if I need you, then I need you at your best, not hurt and half-healed because your skull is too thick and your ego is too big to process that no matter if you are Kylo Ren, you are still human. And I am your care provider. And… I… say so.”

His lips twitched. “You say so?”

Although you barely believed the authority in your tone, you held steady, “Yes, Commander Ren, I say so.”

He’d never looked at you quite like he was now, something of stunned pride gleaming behind a much more fortified front of command. Closing the space between you, your back meeting the chilled black of the door, Kylo leaned down and studied your crossed arms. Knowing mischief flashed in them before he sought your gaze and met you with a face full of challenge.

“First,” he rumbled, his breath on your lips, “address me by my name or my title, not that rank. Ever again. Understood?”

Eyes on his plush, dawn-kissed mouth. “Yes. Second?”

“Second,” tongue in cheek, the hand he’d busied with his erection came up and plucked an article from your arms. It was only after his face became the youngest you’d seen it – taunting eyes and a broad, pompous smile – when you realized what hung from the tip of his forefinger. “I suppose mine might be more comfortable than your own?”

Your mouth fell open – in horror or at his audacity, you did not know. He was thoroughly enjoying himself, waiting for you to squirm as you viewed his boxer-briefs just inches from your face. You wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

“They are, actually. So, if you don’t mind—” you plucked them from his grasp, not breaking his stare for a second “—I’ll take these.” He only looked between your eyes, his own glinting with amusement. “And here—” you balled up your own panties and clasped your hand to his, tucking both to his chest and smiling sweetly “—if I’ve put you out too many pairs.”

A few seconds passed where all you did was take victory in the stunned setting of his features, and when you reached to activate the door, he caught your hand and pressed a long, hard, lusting kiss to your mouth. When he finished, both of you panting, he circled a canine with the tip of his tongue and took a step back.

“Good luck today,” the door shot open and your heart thrummed at the whoosh of ice over your back. With the tone of his next words – slithering, toying, smug – and remembering his promise to make the hours memorable, you knew he meant nothing to do with your occupation when he said, “you’ll need it.”

Sighing, you stepped into the vacant landing, and shot him one final smirk. “I have my watch if you need me,” you swept your gaze over his bare, muscled body, “if you want me.” No matter if you’d meant to, you’d initiated a game, and for the first time in so long, you were excited to play.

In the few steps from his room to your own, you waited for the gentle lock that indicated the door’s close, but it never came. For a second, you wondered if it had shut and you just did not hear it, but you felt those dark, peering eyes and knew his gaze was following your every move. So when you activated your door, took one step past the threshold, you pulled the skirt of your uniform over your head and stretched your arms above, your bare back arched and ass on display.

In a marked taunt, you purred, “Think of me fondly in my absence, Master Ren.”

You did not wait for a response before activating the door to shut, but one still came in the form of an overwhelming, buzzing pulse between your legs. A high-pitched mewl accompanied your trip forward, yipping until ten endless seconds passed and the pleasure thrumming along your slit subsided.

Game on.

[HORIZONTILE LINE]

With a fresh uniform, and Kylo’s briefs hugging your curves, you strode through the manor – although, you were still unsure what to call this place – and meandered your way around until you found a kitchen. Some of the staff acknowledged you with a small nod, others too busy cutting exotic fruits and preparing for breakfast. Which, passing by two intricately stacked and arranged platters, you knew most of the food being prepared would just as quickly be disposed of.

A woman in a black uniform guided you out of the bustling kitchen, taking you to a dining room. In it was a long table, undoubtedly used for meetings and manipulation, filled with trays of meats and fruits and carafes of juices, a metal one indicative of milk or cream. A large, insulated pot with a gilded, floral handle, steamed at the far end of the table. Caffeine.

There was limited time to eat, only about thirty minutes before the transport arrive, so you took a plate, painted too intricately with the flowers you’d walked through last night, and gathered whatever sustenance might help you make it to lunch. Most importantly, you filled a delicate mug with piping hot caf and carried everything into an adjoining room.

No lights were on, only the rising dawn filtering through thin veils of curtains, and Talia sat at the very end of the otherwise empty, centered table. She was dressed, but looked disheveled, at least for her typical put-together appearance. She wasn’t working alongside you, you knew – your assignment at Canto Bight’s medbay purely aimed at incriminating you – but it was still nice to have a friend, one who was under the same roof and not acting strangely.

Her hands were clamped onto either side of her head and there was a plate of picked-at food pushed to the side, a glass of water placed before her sunken head.

“Hey, Tal,” you started, noting her subtle jump at your voice. When she gave a subtle wave, you took a seat next to her and asked, however redundant, “How’re you feeling this morning?”

A long sigh, fingers comforting her temples. “Do I look that bad?”

A pause, considering. She looked quite pale, but there was no sheen of sweat over her forehead. She was breathing a bit quickly, and her mouth appeared to be parted, like she could be sick at any second. “Well, you’ve looked better, but I’ve seen you at your worst.” A look around the room, tuning your ears to the clang of the kitchen. “Is it nausea?” you whispered.

“Stars,” she winced, more in theatrics than pain, “I’ve spent more time over a toilet than anywhere else since the beginning of this thing.”

You chewed at a fruit you’d never had before, swallowing before saying, “Is it just in the morning or is it all day?”

“Morning sickness is a cruel lie they tell unsuspecting women,” she cleared her throat, finally peering up to you. “At least that’s what I have concluded.”

“Did you sleep last night?” There were purple splotches under her reddened eyes.

A shy smile slipped onto her face, quickly faltering. “I could have gotten more.”

Your brows raised, realizing Talia had a similar night to your own. “Oh?” you hummed.

“A private half of this villa?” she lowered her voice, swallowing, looking to the arch that peered out of the room, “and then adjoined rooms? It’s like they want us to have affairs with our assignments.”

“Well,” you sighed, recounting your night and morning, “perhaps. If that’s the case, can I assume where you slept last night?”

She loosed a breath of amusement. “Shockingly, no.” She shook her head, closing her eyes again before explaining, “I haven’t told him. Yet. Still. I stayed with him until he fell asleep but made it back to my room before I could hurl up everything I’d eaten yesterday.” A small, bitter laugh. “Do you know how impossible it is to throw up quietly?”

A warm sip of caf and you tapped her wrist, earning her attention back. Eyes filled with concern, you asked, quieter than the distant shore, “Are you afraid to tell him?”

“I’ve tried,” she sighed, completely exasperated, “This past week I have had so many opportunities – traveling here, the last few days on the Finalizer… last night.” Talia ran her finger along the rim of her glass. “I want to tell him. I need to, if I’m being honest. Time sensitive issue and everything.”

“Has he suspected anything, or do you know?”

A gloom shrunk her features, her focus shifting to the window behind your shoulder. “I think that’s why I haven’t told him. Armitage is always busy, running off to this place and that. I love the time I spend with him, I do. But, his lifestyle isn’t necessarily… compatible, I guess. Not with a baby. Not with, not with a partner. Not with me.”

“Oh, Talia.”

“No, I’m okay,” she shrugged, sad eyes going back to her glass, “I think I’m just biding my time. Preparing for the worst.”

“And what would the worst be, here?”

The room went silent, still, a few staff members replacing what you’d picked from the trays. For a few minutes there was only the sound of far-away waves and the kitchen’s relentless clattering, but Talia cleared the silence with a drag of breath. “The worst would be me telling him, him not wanting anything to do with me or my situation, being removed from his service and out of a job, publicly disgraced and shamed for carrying the General’s bastard kid, and just wholly ruined socially, occupationally, and personally.” There was quiet fear clawing at her eyes, but she forced a pleading smile.

“Wow,” you breathed, cutting through the intense moment, “it’s almost like you’ve thought about it before.”

A pitiful laugh. “Yeah, just a little.”

“Well, there’s always the alternative,” you shrugged. “Maybe none of that scary stuff will happen. Maybe Hux will embrace it. Embrace you and your situation. Because it isn’t just yours, Talia,” she considered your next words before you said, “it’s his, too.” You clasped her hand, trying to get across that she could come to you whenever she needed. “When you’re ready, or at least before you’re in labor,” you shared a laugh, “tell him. I think… I think people can surprise you if you let them. Maybe Hux will do just that.”

The pact that bound you seemed to glow, such gratefulness in her expression. She smiled and slipped her hand from yours, sipped from her glass and shook her head. “Well, now that you’ve bandaged my crisis, how are you doing? Only a couple days before everything gets real.”

Though you knew it was true, you’d barely considered the trial. Aside from Karmen’s rundown yesterday, you’d spent most of your time preparing for your shift, worrying about Mason, and cooped up with Kylo Ren. So maybe it would all feel real when you got there, but as of right now you’d scarcely thought of it.

“I think I’m doing better than I should be,” you sighed, nibbling a piece of toast. “Like you said, this place is rather extravagant, and then this whole city is unbelievable. I don’t know, maybe I’m just avoiding thinking about it. And, like you, I’m preparing for the worst.”

A glum smile hardly met her eyes. “Your worst is far worse than mine. I can’t even imagine.”

“You and Mason both, I guess. Although, you’re not as cryptic with it as he’s been.”

“Trouble in paradise?” She notched a brow.

You breathed a giggle, remembering you needed to clarify, “Just trouble, no paradise. Mason and I aren’t together.”

Talia was completely taken aback, no hiding her shocked expression. “Oh. I mean, I just assumed… Are you sure? Does he know you aren’t together?”

“I’d assume so,” her tone made you wary, not sure what was so obvious.

“I’m sorry, I really just thought since seeing him in the medbay so often that you two were a thing. Like, a serious thing.”

“We’re not,” your tone was short, but you breathed before saying, “I’m seeing him tomorrow. I need- ah, ah, fu-,”

That buzzing Force claimed your cunt, drilling both sweet spots and making it impossible to breathe. After a few seconds, its presence – its master – merciless, you crossed your legs and knitted your hands together in your lap, coughing to try and hide the sensation’s vision-blurring effects.

Talia was stunned, but before she could ask, you continued, “I’m see-seeing Mason tomorr-ow, and ha! Wow, and,” it felt like Kylo was thrusting inside of you, your toes curled in your shoes. “And grabbing some clothes for the trial. He also said he wants to ta- oh, okay.” You stomped both your feet to the floor, leaning down to the table and chugging the rest of your coffee.

“Are you alright?” Talia leaned forward, but you waved a hand in dismissal.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. So clothes and then Mason wants to talk!” You stumbled away from her and tried to keep from cursing Kylo Ren outwardly, a few shouts of goodbye falling behind when you eventually got out into the main halls of the manor.

The pulse between your legs finally let up, and you had half a mind to tromp back to his room and knee him where it’d hurt, but there were five minutes before transport would arrive, so you decided it would need to wait for a later date.

“If you can hear this,” you hissed, searching the halls for onlookers, “I’m going to-,” a swirl of pressure laved your sensitive bud, sending you tripping into the foyer. “Kylo.” It let up again. He let up. Maybe you would have tried another retort, but the grand entrance slid open, and at the bottom of the dawn-draped stairs awaited CB-7070.

She had a hand clasped to her wrist, not a blaster in sight, and her face remained hidden by a white helmet. The gold band over her right wrist shimmering with the sliver of sunlight to your left. Consciously, you half-circled her, wariness creeping along your veins. Nothing she had done, but… for a second you dropped your eyes to that familiar break in her uniform. You swallowed when you looked back to her visor, not offering a smile, and keeping at least three paces away at all times.

“Morning,” she muffled out your last name, pivoting to face you. When she took a step forward, you tried not to, but you backed away in suit. She stopped her advance.

Without a word, you nodded, pushing your hands into your pockets.

CB-7070 cleared her throat. “I’ve been informed by Commander Ren that you can assign me a name if you choose.”

“No,” you said, too quickly. “No, that won’t be necessary. CB-7070 is fine. We won’t know each other long.”

“Understood, ma’am.”

“Use my first name,” you commanded, running a finger along your uniform’s embroidery.

“Understood,” this time she used your own name – no titles, no pleasantries.

With only two minutes before transport, you said, “You’re aware you will not be in any of my patients’ rooms, correct?”

“I have been briefed on Cantonica’s privacy laws, yes.”

You peered side-long at her. “Good.”

When she spoke your name, there was a measure of nerves you couldn’t help but notice. “Is there anything you need from me that will make this arrangement easier for you?”

There was little time to think, but something in your head was screaming to request the one thing you felt would minimize the pit of dread rooting in your gut.

Plainly, facing her, arms crossed, you said, “Show me your face.”

Without hesitation, the stormtrooper unlatched and removed her helmet. She was dark-skinned, full lips and deep brown eyes inherent of the desert around her, genetic protection from the lifelong sun on this planet. Dark brunette curls were smoothed to her scalp, twisted into a tight bun at its base. Her face was round, and with the slight smile she gave, her cheeks crinkled a pair of gentle eyes. So young. Too young.

“How old are you?” There was a harshness in your words, not entirely intentional.

CB-7070 did pause at that. After squaring her shoulders she said, “Eighteen. Nineteen soon.” Her voice was kind, warm.

“I don’t need you to prove yourself,” you guessed as much at her posture, “I can assume if you’re here, at this… place-,”

“The Consulate.”

Consulate. “Thank you,” you continued. “Since you’re stationed at the Consulate, I can assume you’ve already done enough grunt work,” those early weeks, before Kylo Ren, flashed in your mind’s eye, dehydrated soldiers, strung out in preparation for the attack on the Republic. Sighing, watching the sky for any incoming ships, you took one step toward her. “No, I don’t need you to prove yourself. But I do need you to have my back.”

She stood even straighter at that.

“I know you’re assigned to watch me and report to the General, and I’ll just say right now that neither of us is the other’s favorite person. But I am not your enemy. I’m not an enemy.”

She looked at you, hearing the approaching ship, and just before it sped too close to blast your hearing, the young Stormtrooper nodded and said, “I was briefed on your case. You are not an enemy. You saved that man, an engineer. One of many who normally go unseen and unnoticed. I will do my job, but I am not biased to you or my General.” She angled her eyes to the sky and tucked her head back into the helmet. “As much as my assignment is to monitor you, I have been trained to protect the officers and officials of the First Order. And given you kept the Commander alive after Starkiller went down – you are one of the most important officers I’ve been tasked with.”

You hadn’t known that was general knowledge, her admission striking through every chamber of your heart. The memory of that day. People had seen such a different side of it, they’d seen you protect and serve when minutes prior you were begging for death in the dark of your residence. The day you could have used a savior, others had painted you as their own.

CB-7070 marched to the transport’s descended ramp and faced you. “Ready when you are.”

With a straight back, hands smoothing over your uniform, you approached the ramp, waiting for CB-7070 to follow behind. She stood next to you, but before you took a step further, you turned to the Consulate, and then to the sea that spanned beside and behind it, and you quieted all that Canto Bight had already presented.

Today was not about Snoke, or Mason, or Kylo. Today was about you and your patients, whoever they would be. Today you were not Commander Ren’s Care Provider.

Today you would be a nurse, and that meant more than anything.

#kylo ren #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x you #keeping your promise #st kyp #kylo ren smut #angst #fluff

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lilacpotter · 3 years

Text

The things you do for me

Even woke up to bright sunshine hitting his cheek. And he blinked. He blinked several times until he was convinced he wasn’t dreaming.

Sunshine during February in Oslo was a rare sight, with only at most three hours of it, the chilly cold added up to his gloomy mood throughout the whole day.

It didn’t help that he was just recovering from an episode. A month ago, it would have been pretty bad, but right now it felt like he was slowly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. His depression was slowly fading away, and the bright, happy version of himself suddenly didn’t seem too far away.

So when he woke up to sunshine this morning, it brightened his mood twenty times up and he yawned with a smile, feeling life run through his weak veins and muscles.

A distinctive smell made him sniff the air out, and he looked to his side only to find that Isak wasn’t there.

He was about to burrow back into his blankets for a bit more when his eye caught a light card by the nightstand.

Curiously, he pulled it out. It had Isak’s handwriting on it.

Happy Valentine’s day, baby! And a very good morning. Just wanted to remind you that I love you. And that you mean so much to me. I have so much planned for today, and no, don’t worry, it does not include us going out and skating on the snow only for you to fall on your ass. I may not be as romantic as you but I do know things, okay? Stop smiling.

Love you,

Now get out of bed and fresh up ;)

Even was indeed smiling. Isak had planned things. It made his heart soar.

And holy shit. It was feb 14th. The valentine’s day.

Even suddenly felt a bit guilty that he hadn’t remembered about this even yesterday. Shit. Now that he realized, he wondered if he had missed any references that Isak might have tried to make. Had he?

It only started giving him a slight headache, so instead of dwelling in his thoughts much further, he took a few deep breaths before getting up off the bed and heading to the bathroom to fresh up like Isak told him to.

By the time he finished brushing his teeth up and washing his face, the smells from the kitchen intensified and a very flushed-looking Isak brought a plate full of baked French toast, complete with fresh berries and maple sauce.

“God morgen,” he wished Even, pecking him briefly before pulling his boyfriend back into the bedroom onto their bed.

Even watched him lay down the plates in fascination as he settled back onto the mattress.

“You made these?” he asked in disbelief, pointing to the delicacy on the bed.

Isak let out an offended scoff. “Of course, I did,” he continued when Even arched an amused eyebrow at him. “I was working so hard for the last week to achieve this perfection, Even, mind you.” He said, then breaking into a smile when Even laughed. “You have like it. Even if it tastes bad.”

Even couldn’t believe his boyfriend. “Even if it tastes bad?”

“Yes,” Isak nodded.

“And what if I don’t?” Even asked with a wink.

Isak faked a look of shock. “You would never do that to me!”

Even shrugged a little, as if he was considering it. “I mean…”

“Even!” Isak said, making Even laugh out loud. And he saw a glimmer of joy on Isak’s face.

Even had missed it. He might not have looked like he cared but he had missed it. Missed Isak’s playful banter, his precious laugh and his joyful face. The past year had been rough for them both, just like it had been for the rest of the world. And in the midst of all this, Even having an episode definitely didn’t help things.

Isak’s smile paused, before he inched closer, pulling Even into himself with another kiss.

“Let’s eat,” he murmered.

And how beautiful he looked in the early morning pale sunshine. Even felt himself get lost in his honey shaded curls, at the tempting dip beneath his pink lips, at his gorgeous green eyes.

They ate in silence, although it might not be considered silence if they both kept moaning at the taste.

“It tastes so good, Isak. Much better than it even looks.” Even said, and a bit of a surprised tone might’ve leaked into his voice because the next second Isak was laughing, shooting a “Fuck you,” in his direction.

Even smiled along. “I can’t believe it’s not burnt this time,” he teased.

Isak groaned aloud. “Oh my god, that was one time, Even.” He sighed dramatically. “you won’t let me live that down, will you?”

“Never,” Even stole a kiss from his cheek. “But seriously though, thank you, baby,” He murmured, leaning down. “I love you.”

The younger boy stared back at him with dark eyes. “I love you too,” he said, voice dripping with desire.

But before Even could pull him back to kiss him again- much more fervently this time, Isak wriggled off his embrace gently.

Even pouted at him. “Come on, baby,”

Isak gave him another peck before saying, “Not now, Evi. Let’s save this for evening,” he winked. “But only if you want though,” he said, suddenly serious.

Even knew what he was talking about. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet. He was still in his depressive mood even if he was functioning like a normal human being these days.

But he couldn’t deny he was feeing a bit hopeful today.

“Yes sure,” he nodded with a smile.

They spent the rest of the morning curled up in bed, revisiting all the valentine’s days they had spent together till date.

Last year, they had spent their time at the beach, basking in the sun while they sipped on their cold drinks.

The before year had been spent in Oslo itself, but the pandemic wasn’t there yet and so they had a double date with Jonas and Eva. It had been fun.

They both watched their favourite show for a while, gossiping about it for almost half an hour before Isak got up to do some work.

Even didn’t ask him what, he knew what was happening. It had always been him who made all the grand gestures on Valentine’s day. And for the first time, this year, Even couldn’t do it.

He knew Isak had taken his role. He could see the way their bed was littered with all the beautiful rose petals, or suddenly how clean their desks and shelves were suddenly looking, or how there was this lovely, soft atmosphere all around unlike the gloomy shroud that had inhibited their room until yesterday. He could see.

Isak was doing it for him this time.

And the thought itself gave Even butterflies in his tummy. He was giddy with happiness. He hadn’t felt this happy in a long while.

Isak returned back with his forehead slightly sweaty, but it was nothing compared to how they both were after a session of ridiculous dancing to Gabrielle.

Half an hour later at Isak’s demands, Even found himself slowly sinking into the warm water in their bathroom with a relaxed sigh. He wished to live here forever, to die here, to build his life here.

It was too good.

Bright red petals kept floating on the warm, scented, frothy water around him. And a light soft melody played around. Candles flickered, casting a warm glow all around as they stood on the edges of the bathtub and Even inhaled in the sweet scent of the room, watching the white ribbons of vapour of the water fly up, up and up.

He let his head fall back, his legs stretch and his arms spread on the bathtub’s sides.

Fuck, this was good.

The door opened softly and Isak stepped inside with his towel around his hips. Even grinned at him mischeviously and watched him roll his eyes, before dropping the towel shyly and walking upto Even.

Even’s mouth watered at the sight of him, and he felt a jolt in his heart thinking how long it had been since they had done anything intimate.

Isak kneeled down beneath the bathtub, his face glowing in the pale warm candlelight as he leaned in to Even with a knowing smile.

“Enjoying yourself?” He asked, his hand twirling around in the water slowly.

“Mhmm,” Even nodded, giddy and relaxed. He hadn’t felt this in so many months. His muscles that had been frozen seemed to be slowly easing back and he kept hearing little, tiny pops as he moved his limbs around in the water. “Get in with me,” he said to Isak, suddenly bent with desire.

Ten minutes later, Even found himself with an armful of naked Isak flushed against his chest. Both of them enjoying the sensual calmness as they sipped on their champagnes. This was so romantic, the roses, the music, and the candles, that Even couldn’t help but feel his heart soar at the thought that Isak had done all of this for him.

“I love you,” he whispered into his boyfriend’s neck for the tenth time that day. It never felt like enough. Telling Isak he loved him. Because it was true.

Isak tipped his head back, looking dazed with love. They kissed again, slowly, softly. Until they had to break apart for air. Until their lips felt spent. Until they started craving for more. Until they couldn’t ignore the gnawing sensation between them both.

Isak was trailing his hand down Even’s chest and he paused before getting a hold of him.

“Is this okay?”

Even nodded, his eyes dark with lust. “It’s more than okay,” he replied, and Isak smirked back, obviously delighted that Even’s libido was coming around.

“Fuck, Isak, just like that,”

“You’re so fucking beautiful, baby,”

“Even, are you fucking serious right now!”

Isak spluttered, his face covered in white flour. He looked adorable.

“What!” Even chuckled, dusting his hands onto the napkin.

It was evening. And after a very fruitful session on their bed all noon, Isak had finally agreed to get up and help Even in making cupcakes and his “ridiculous” heart shaped candies.

“Clean me up,” his boy demanded, pointing a spatula at Even warningly. “Or else..” he trailed off as if Even should know.

“ooh, kinky,” Even teased making the younger boy scoff at him.

“I’m serious. Or else, I’m not gonna help you out in making your cupcakes anymore.” He said while Even turned back to the batter in front of him.

He dropped a few chocolate chips and sprinkles before pouring them into the moulds.

“Baby, I think it’s safe to say that I did most of the work in here,” Even said with a wink.

Isak rolled his eyes at him. “No fucking way. Should I remind you who made the breakfast?”

Even feigned a dramatic sigh. “Shit yeah. How could I forget! The delicious and brilliantly put together baked French toast. Although, I thought the berries were way too sweet.”

Isak flipped him off while Even laughed heartily. But his laughs died down abruptly when his sneaky little shit of a boyfriend threw a handful of flour onto Even’s face.

He spluttered in disbelief. “Wha-”

“Revenge,” Isak said simply, dusting his own face off with the napkin. A grin playing at his mouth.

“You can’t do that!”

“Oh, there are rules here now?” Isak asked.

“Uh yeah?” Even said, mimicking Isak’s facial expression the first time they both had kissed.

They both exploded out in giggles. First Isak, then Even.

They had tried recreating their first kiss a while ago in the bathtub, except it ended being more disastrous than anything close to romantic. But Even loved it.

“Drittfyr, it still doesn’t explain why you threw flour over me!” Isak pointed out, suddenly remembering why they had been bantering.

Even shrugged at him. “Because I wanted to see your grumpy self,” he admitted. “I was missing that side of you.” He teased, and earned another handful of flour onto his face and shirt.

“Fuck you,”

“We just did that, baby,”

“Oh my god!”

“And it was spectacular too-”

“Even”

“Don’t worry. You look super cute when you are grumpy.”

“ugh”

“Even…”

“Isak…”

“I hate this movie, god.” Isak groaned aloud in the dark.

They were both cocooned cozily between the blankets for the night, the tv playing one of the old classics that Even loved.

He smiled down at his boyfriend who was half-sleeping by his chest. “You can sleep if you want.”

Isak scoffed by his chest lightly, burrowing deeper. “I didn’t mean that,” he murmured, already closing his eyes softly.

Even carded his fingers through his hair with a laugh

“You should go to sleep, baby. You did so much for me today.”

They had a luxurious dinner date a while ago at their home itself. Even couldn’t believe all that Isak had done to make their date seem perfect. And it was perfect. Even more so than that.

It was perfect, cozy and sweet.

But the thing that left him with happy tingles in his body was Isak cooking up most of the dinner for them both. Even couldn’t get enough of watching Isak move around the kitchen with a calculated look and an observing frown.

They spent the rest of the evening playing silly games- Even winning more times than Isak, then video calling their friends, and finally watching the stars outside for a while out in the balcony with Isak pointing out his favorite constellations.

Isak let out a scoff again. “It was nothing compared to how much you do for me always.”

Even pulled him closer to himself. “That’s not true.”

Isak sounded so small when he said, “No?”

Even wished he could hold this boy and make him see how much today meant for him.

“No,” He said, pressing a light kiss to his boy’s curls. “Everything you do means so much to me. Today..” he took a deep breath. “Thank you so much for today, baby. It was perfect. I think I feel so much more happier today than I felt in the last two months combined.” He admitted.

“But, we didn’t even go out anywhere,” Isak said, sounding insecure. “No fancy date at restaurant, or somewhere else. We could have done so much-”

“-Isak…” Even cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing else compares to the things you do for me.” He said firmly, staring into Isak’s green irises. “You- I wish you could see how much today means to me. It was perfect, baby. More than perfect. You doing all this just for me, it’s a lot. And it’s more than enough. I don’t need anything else. If I could redo this day again, I wouldn’t change a thing about it. I love it the way it is. Everything about it. I love you. And everything you give me.”

He heard Isak’s breath hitch slightly, before he turned his face up and looked up at Even with his big, doe eyes. So adorable.

“You mean that?” he asked, unsure and shy.

Even nodded, pecking him once. “I absolutely mean that.”

Isak watched him for a minute or two from beneath his eyelashes, before he turned his face back down to smash it against Even’s chest.

He shrugged. “I learned the dinner from Eva. So I guess she does know how to cook.” He admitted to the dark, and Even raised his brows in amusement.

“And the idea of bubble bath and the roses, candles..?” he prompted.

Isak shrugged again. “Magnus’s.”

Even laughed out loud in disbelief, causing Isak to quirk a smile. “Seriously?“

“Yeah,” Isak grinned.

“holy fuck.” Even said. “And…the sex part?” he added slowly.

“That was mine! Wtf,” Isak quickly said, looking flustered, and making the older boy chuckle. “Drittfyr,” He muttered in offence as he punched Even’s stomach lightly.

“Ouch,”

Isak exploded out in little giggles, and they wrestled playfully for a while until the movie on the screen came to an end and they both yawned loudly.

“Let’s sleep?” Even asked, but Isak was already pulling him down to the pillows. He nuzzled up to his chest and nodded.

“Happy Valentine’s day, Even.” Isak said.

Even kissed his forehead after turning off the tv screen. “Same to you, baby. Thank for making this year’s so special”

He will never forget this day.

“Jeg elsker deg,”

“Love you too,”

Somewhere around the time when Even felt like drifting off to sleep, he thought he heard Isak say, “There’s still one more gift left. Cabin trip this weekend. I have got tons of shit planned.”

#drabble #skam #evak #evak drabble #Soo another one for V day #its full of fluff #thats it #my drabbles #isak x even

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padfootagain · 3 years

Text

A Very Rose Mistake (VII)

Part 7: How A Mistake Was Made

Here we go for a new chapter!! You're finally going to understand where the title of this series comes from!!

I warn you, this is angsty. The flashback is angsty. Sorry… you'd better get some tissue before diving into this!

I hope you like it all the same! Lots of explanation here again thanks to the flashback! The next chapter will be more about the present days again.

I hope you like this! Don't forget to tell me what you think about it, I most definitely need a little help to write these days!

Pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 5951 (sorry it's a bit long)

Holmes Chapel, 2011

It was Valentine's Day. He was 17 and his world was changing at a speed he couldn't comprehend.

It was great, for the most part. It was completely crazy, actually: he was making an album. He was going to sing and travel around the world. How mad was that?

When he had left Holmes Chapel, he thought he would be back in a week. Maybe two. It would be a fun thing to discuss with you. How mad it was. How weird the whole experience had been, but let's be honest, he was only 16 and he wasn't mature enough for anything as big as this. He would slip back under his covers in his bedroom, and you would cuddle together while watching stupid videos on youtube that made you have this loud and uncontrollable laughter, and you would hide the bag of chocolates you had smuggled into his room when Anne would climb up the stairs.

But he didn't come home at all.

Instead, he went through the whole show, and after the X-factor was done, he was pushed into London City. It had been almost a year, and you had barely seen him.

It was strange to walk the same streets without him. It was strange to not have him sitting next to you in class anymore. It was strange to not go to his house after school every night and eat with him and Gemma while watching some dumb show on TV. It was strange not having him pushing you around on the way to school whenever you weren't quite awake yet.

And the truth was, it was unbearable almost, the way you missed him.

The hurricane he had been caught into was just as strange for him than it was for you, and he missed you just as much as you missed him.

And this shift in your relationship that had appeared right before he would leave had been on hold ever since.

You had almost kissed that evening. If Anne had not opened the front door right at that moment, you would have kissed. And as he was to leave the next day, he didn't bring the moment you had shared again. He reckoned that he ought to tell you how he felt face to face.

He wasn't quite sure what it meant yet being in love with someone, but he reckoned that if he had to give a definition, he would have given your name as an answer.

He was a little lost, and he wasn't sure of how he felt exactly, because he had never experienced anything like it before, but what he was certain about was that he wanted to explore whatever this was. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to cuddle with you and hold you tight and peck your nose. He wanted to be close to you all the time, it drove him insane.

And when he had been given the opportunity to go home for Valentine's day, he believed in a sign.

You couldn't come to celebrate his birthday in London, so you had promised to spend the weekend with him whenever he would come. And it started tonight.

Harry checked his reflection in the mirror of his old bedroom one last time, straightening the collar of his white shirt under his jersey. A red rose was resting on his bed, and he checked once again that the leaves had not suffered from the lack of water during the past 15 minutes. But they were not wilted, and he looked with satisfaction at the flower.

Romantic. Perfect. Because tonight was the night when he would ask you to be his girlfriend.

And if he were honest, he found that this prospect was scarier than walking on that stage for the first time and sing before a jury.

What if you said no?

But he pushed the thought away. Because that night, a year ago, you had almost kissed him too.

But a year had passed...

Yes, a year had passed, but he was certain that you didn't have a boyfriend. You hadn't mentioned anything to him or to Gemma, and that meant that you were single. He wasn't in Holmes Chapel anymore, but he was still your best friend.

Hopefully, that would change tonight though.

He walked down the stairs with his rose in his shaky hand. Anne eyed him from the living room, pretending to watch TV. When he struggled to arrange the collar of his black winter coat though, his mother couldn't help but walk over to him. She gently pushed his hands away and fumbled with the soft material until it was folded just the right way. She gave her son an encouraging smile and pinched his cheek affectionately.

"Good luck."

"I think I'm gonna throw up," he admitted, before turning to the door.

"It's only Y/N. It'll be fine," Anne encouraged him.

She crossed her fingers for him and he reciprocated the gesture before walking out of the house and into the cold air.

The wind bit down on his cheeks, making them flushed and painful. He ignored the sensation though, and hurried down the path and towards your house.

How many times had he walked this same path leading to your house? Thousands and thousands of times, without a doubt...

It was the evening already, and February coming with its shorter days, it was already pitch-black outside. It had snowed that morning, and the grass and pavement all around the street were covered with half-melted ice. The rooftops were of an immaculate white, although the lampposts scattered down the lane were barely enough to show them. The clouds of the morning had cleared through the afternoon, and the night sky was stained with pale stars. The moon though was nowhere to be seen.

And for the first time in twelve years, he was nervous as he knocked on your front door, the same red paint that had always been there, chipped at the corners and a little diluted by the sun.

You were quick to open the door, and Harry could have sworn that he was having a heart-attack as he saw you again.

You were wearing a simple pair of blue jeans and a warm sweater. Simple. Comfy. The most adorable sight he had ever seen

You were even more beautiful than the last time he had seen you for real... how were you even human at this point?

"Hi, Y/N..."

But he was cut short as you threw yourself at him, sure that he would catch you. And he did, he always did.

You both laughed, your nerves slowly dissolving as you held each other tight.

"Harry!"

"It's me," he nodded, chuckling some more.

"I've missed you so much... I can't believe you're here!"

"I've missed you too. So much!"

"You have so much stuff to tell me. And I have too. You'll never guess who Jeremy ended up with."

"Jeremy? With Ashley?"

"With Leila."

"What?! No way!" He exclaimed, pulling away just enough to look up at you as he was still carrying you, your legs now wrapped around him like a koala.

You nodded with shock all over your features.

"You'll tell me everything. I need to know what kind of drama could have unfolded to lead to these two getting together."

He pressed his face into your neck again, right where it belonged, and you closed your eyes as his warm breath hit your skin softly, a vivid contrast with the cold air of the early evening.

Finally, he gently put you back down, feeling that you were starting to shiver in the cold weather.

And at last, you noticed that he was holding a rose in his hand. You looked up at him questioningly, and Harry was certain that he was going to either throw up or pass out then.

He opened his mouth to offer to go inside to talk because it was awfully cold outside, when someone new appeared on the threshold.

And Harry froze.

It was a boy. Around your age. He had never seen him before.

Who…? What…?

"Oh, Harry, this is Joel! Jo, this is Harry!"

Jo?!

"Hi, man!" Joel shook Harry's hand.

"Hi."

Who was that guy, and what was he doing here? It was the evening, and it was Valentine's Day, and it was the day Harry finally came home to Holmes Chapel and…

Oh…

You had a boyfriend…

"Why don't you come in, Harry?" you offered, but your best friend was still staring at Joel.

You… you had a boyfriend?

"Harry?"

You tilted your head to the side, frowning at him. You were shivering in the cold now, your teeth chattering before you would clench your jaw to stop the shaking. Your breath drew patterns in the light coming from your house behind you. And you were breathtaking, as always. You were absolutely perfect.

You had a boyfriend.

Harry tightened his hold on the rose without noticing, until a thorn was piercing the flesh between his thumb and forefinger.

"Uhm… Actually, I was just saying hello, but I got to go."

"Oh, okay…" you nodded, although you were clearly disappointed.

"Yeah, I… I've got to go."

"Still busy because of the band?"

"Uhm… No, I… I've got something to do."

You looked at the rose again, and then at his eyes, your gaze travelling back and forth a few times.

Of course, you were wondering what he was doing with this flower in his hand.

And he could have given it to you. Given you the benefit of the doubt. Gone forth with his plan anyway. Asked about your boyfriend.

But it seemed wrong and mean and all in all, useless. You had found someone else, and on one hand he was the one to blame. A year had passed since that moment you had shared in his house, and so much was different now. He should have asked you about all this before, instead of waiting for you to be gone. He was too late, that was all.

And maybe he had given the moment too much meaning. Maybe you didn't mean much by it. Maybe you had forgotten about it altogether.

And there he was with a rose for you after spending months building his hopes up. What a fool he was… What an absolute idiot…

"Hmm… yeah, I… I've got to go see Melanie."

"Melanie?"

"Yeah, I… I have a date."

Your expression remained unreadable, although he saw the way your jaw clenched. But he attributed the symptom to the fact that he had promised to spend some time with you tonight, and your best friend was bailing out on you.

Yes, that was why you seemed confused, and a little sad.

"Oh," was your only answer.

He nodded, taking a step back.

"Will you still be here tomorrow?" you asked, following him one step further, chasing after him even if for a single step, the way you always had and always would.

"Yeah, I'm leaving in a week."

"Can you… Maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow or… just… chill and catch up?"

"I… I don't know, Gemma's back too to see me so…"

"Oh, okay…"

"And I want to spend some time with my mum too, so..."

"Of course, you… you don't see her that much either."

"Yeah."

"Well, just… tell me when you're free, okay? I… I've really missed you and I… I really want to catch up with you."

"Okay. Goodnight, Y/N."

"Good night, Harry."

Before you could say anything else, Harry had turned on his heels and was hurrying down the street. He turned left to cross through the gardens and come back to his house discretely. When he knocked at the kitchen door, Anne welcomed him back inside with a deep frown.

"Already? What happened? And why are you coming back from there… we have a front door, you know?"

But he didn't answer and merely rushed inside, throwing the rose in the sink. He was taking off his coat when Anne realized what it all meant.

"Oh… darling, I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around her son, but Harry didn't reciprocate the gesture.

"I need to be alone right now," he whispered, but Anne tightened her hold on him.

"Are you sure? You don't want to tell me what happened?"

He struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, his voice made hoarse by pain.

"She… she has a boyfriend," he simply answered, and Anne heaved a sigh.

"I'm so sorry, darling."

"It's alright. It was a long shot anyway."

"Did you ask her about this boyfriend of hers? Maybe it isn't that serious."

"No, I didn't. I just… I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay."

"I need to be alone right now, mum."

"I'm here if you need anything, okay?"

Harry merely nodded, giving his mother a small smile as he finally broke away from her embrace. He hurried upstairs, while Anne looked at him with a pained expression on her face, but there wasn't much that she could do to help.

He walked in his bedroom and closed the door behind him, not bothering in turning on the light, and when he remembered his lie about Melanie, he decided to remain in the dark for a while longer. This same bedroom in which the two of you had spent countless hours laughing and joking around and doing your homework and reading and watching stupid videos of cats on his computer. You had fallen asleep together in his bed during sleepovers. You had broken his shelf while trying to imitate some martial art. You had broken your toe against his bed simply because you were so damn clumsy sometimes. You had played video games together through sleepless nights. You had read your favourite books to him out loud. He still had that sheet of paper upon which you had learned how to write his name in one of his drawers.

His life was so full of you.

He let himself slip down the length of the door until he was sitting on the wooden floor. When had the tears started to flow? He wasn't sure, but they were there nonetheless.

He looked up to his window, through which he could get a glimpse at your bedroom. Your light was on, and through the think curtains, he could guess your shadow moving on the other side of the windowpane. There was another shadow with you, a little taller, and he didn't need much effort to guess that it was Joel. He watched the two shadows moving closer to meld into one broader shape instead. He kicked the foot of his bed as he imagined the two of you kissing. And if he wasn't sure of what his feelings for you meant, he was absolutely certain that the cause behind his pain now was heartbreak.

He tried to look away, focus onto anything but you and Joel wrapped in each other's arms in your bedroom.

Because indeed, you were in Joel's arms at that moment. With your own arms around his neck and your head resting against his shoulder. And it felt nice. You felt better like this, being held.

You reckoned that you were lucky to have your cousin by your side. You were lucky that he had managed to travel for your mother's birthday and stayed for a few extra days. You were lucky that he was there now, with you, to cradle your head in his hand while you cried harder than you had ever cried before.

Because you had waited for a year for Harry to come back. Because you had imagined thousands of times how you would talk about that interrupted moment in his kitchen. Because you dreamt of being held by him instead, and you wondered what it felt like to be kissed by him. And when he had been standing there with that rose, for a moment, you had hoped that maybe the flower was for you. That perhaps he felt the same, had the same anticipation as you did at the thought of the two of you spending some quality time together again, and the same apprehension at the idea of talking about the almost-kiss from the previous year. But then, he had told you the rose was for Melanie, and not for you. It was Valentine's Day and he was going to give Melanie a red rose, the message was loud and clear.

Maybe he had even forgotten about that moment in his kitchen, it was the most painful thought that kept on twirling around in your mind.

Yes, you were glad your cousin Joel was there to hold you while you cried over your first heartbreak.

Loch Lomond, 2020

Now that you were up and eating your breakfast, your hair still damped from your morning shower, you noticed how sore your legs were after the hike of the day before. If you didn't regret at all your long walk in the mountains, as the view from the top was most definitely worth a few cramps now, you still wished you could go back in bed and lay there all day.

But your plans for a restful day didn't match the schedule your cousin had prepared for the week, and there was no way you could refuse Cassie anything the week before her wedding. Which was why you found yourself walking towards the loch with the rest of the guests, chatting with Patrick and your parents. Harry was a few steps behind, lost in a conversation of his own, even though he was sometimes distracted from the words spoken to him because he kept a careful eye on Patrick all the way from the lodge to the shore of the loch, cautious at being as discreet in his surveillance as he could.

Cassie had planned an outing across the loch. She had rented some rowboats for the day, that were merely ten minutes away from the lodge. The idea was to cross the loch with the boats, have lunch on the other side, and explore the forest a little maybe, and then coming back to the lodge for the early evening.

The weather was merciful, the day a little warmer than the previous one, and the sun was bright now that it was high enough in the blue sky. There were barely any lazy clouds to cover the light, and the waters of the loch reflected the clear sky like an azure mirror. The shores were not too muddy thanks to the sunny weather, although the layers of multicoloured skeleton leaves that covered the ground had a tendency to trap the morning dew for a little longer than usual, making the earth still a little wetter than what it should have been. It made your footsteps loud in the quiet morning.

Cassie insisted for you to join her and her fiancée in their boat, so you complied, leaving Harry to share a rowboat with other guests.

It didn't really surprise you to have Cassie insisting on you joining her. You had not seen each other in a very long time because of your studies, and you had lots of things to catch up on. Besides, you were expecting to be questioned about your 'relationship' with Harry.

And indeed, you were not disappointed.

Five minutes into the trip, as soon as you were a few meters away from the other boats, Cassie was more or less abandoning the oar she was in charge of to lean towards you instead, an excited glimmer in her eyes.

"So… you and Harry? I want to hear everything!"

You laughed, shaking your head.

"There's not so much to say about it," you rolled your eyes, diverting your attention from her eager eyes by shaking your drying locks, as if trying to make your hair dry faster.

"Not much to tell about it?! Are you kidding me?! After all these years of the two of you being oblivious morons, you finally are together!"

"We didn't spend years being oblivious morons, thank you very much!" you defended yourself, but your cousin was far from convinced.

"Yes, you did!"

"Honey, you need to help me control the boat," Cassie's fiancée blurted out, struggling with her own oar, but your cousin was too busy with you to care about where the boat was heading.

"How did you two finally come to your senses?" she asked.

"We… had a little bit too much to drink one evening, at a party," you explained, hoping she wouldn't notice that you were lying. "And we ended up… saying things that we wouldn't have admitted while sobber, I guess. And we… kissed. Then, the next day, we talked about it and came to the conclusion that it was for the better that we got it out in the open. And we decided to take the risk and try a relationship."

She let out an excited shriek, letting go of the oar completely, making Amy roll her eyes at her and giving up her own oar as well. She knew your cousin enough to be aware that she wouldn’t be focused on anything but you as long as her curiosity for gossips wasn't satisfied.

"I can't believe it took you guys this long to finally agree to be together!" she swatted your leg playfully. "But then, you both are stubborn and a little stupid, so… not so surprising."

"Thanks for the compliment," you answered with irony, making both the women in front of you laugh.

"And so far, how is it going?"

"Good. It's… it's going great."

"What about the distance?"

"Huh… so far we haven't had to deal with that too much but… we're used to not being around each other constantly so I'm not too worried."

"Yeah, but… it's different between friends and between lovers," Amy replied.

"Uhm… yeah, I guess," you tried to escape her question.

"Has he written songs about you?" Cassie asked, a softness spreading across her features, and both you and Amy chuckled at the sight of the desperate romantic your cousin sometimes was.

"No, he hasn't!" you replied.

"None that you know of, at least!" Cassie replied with a snort. "He was already writing songs about you before you two got together, so he's obviously writing some now too!"

"No, he wasn't!" you shook your head, frowning.

"Huh… yes, he was."

"Of course not!"

"He was! You have to be blind to not realize that yet! He's been head over heels for you for years!"

You rolled your eyes, hoping the gesture would be enough of an answer, because you weren't sure how to respond to her without betraying the truth.

After all, she would know he had never felt this way for you if you told her that he had never, for certain, written any songs about you. Because for all these years, he had never seen anything but a friend in you. There had been one moment when you were sixteen… but then time had passed and had turned the instant in a fading memory. And there was nothing else to be said about it all. He went on to have other relationships, and you did the same, and he fell in love and wrote songs about other people, and never about you. And you were fine with that.

But you couldn’t sell Cassie the story of shared feelings with Harry if you told her that he had never seen anything in you but a friend.

Luckily for you, she dropped that particular subject, to come to another, just as personal and problematic for you to answer.

"And… when did he first say that he loves you, then?"

You scoffed, faking to be a little embarrassed.

"That is none of your business!"

"But he said it then!" Cassie let out another excited shriek. "Knowing him, it must have been awfully romantic," she went on with a dreamy sigh.

By her side, Amy rolled her eyes at her, an amused smile on her lips.

The other boats of the party were drifting across the loch as well, a few meters away and, hopefully, out of earshot. But you were too busy trying to make your way through Cassie's sudden interview to pay much attention to the rest of the guests.

"Anyway, it ought to be more romantic than when Amy told me she loved me for the first time," she threw a knowing glance at her fiancée, who frowned at her in response.

"It was kind of romantic, when you think of it!" Amy defended herself.

"I was sick! I was throwing up in your toilets!"

"I was holding your hair!"

"I WAS PUKING!" Cassie fought back.

"When you think of it, it was kind of cute," you defended Amy with a chuckle. "It meant that she loved you even if she was seeing you being disgusting."

"Exactly!" Amy agreed.

Cassie laughed, before leaning to kiss the fresh pout away from her fiancée's lips.

"You're right. It was kind of cute. Memorable, if anything else."

It was Amy's time to laugh, before leaning for another peck.

And seeing the couple together like this, you had to admit that you were a little jealous. If you weren't complaining about being single, you still had to admit that, looking at these two being adorable together, you wanted that too, one day.

You didn't even notice your eyes drifting away and settling on a colourful jumper in another of the boats, your brain refusing to register the interruption in the movement of your eyes, or who the jumper and the mess of brown curls belonged to.

"Anyway, next question I have to ask," Cassie brought you back to the present, and you settled your attention on her again. "How is the sex?"

You chocked on your own breath.

"What?! What kind of question is that?!" you protested, but Cassie merely shrugged while Amy was exploding with laughter at your reaction.

"Sex can be important in a relationship! Depends on the relationship, of course. Some people don't need that. But Harry is obviously very touchy and horny, like… that's just who he is. So I assume sex is gonna be a part of the relationship that… counts at least. How is it going?"

"Cassie!"

"What? We're all grown-ups! Don't act all shy now!

"I… It's going perfectly fine, thank you for your concern," you answered, clearly embarrassed.

"Good… you won't give me any more details on what's going on down there…?"

"CASSIE!"

"Okay, okay! I was just curious!"

You buried your face in both your hands, groaning in embarrassment.

"Besides, I'm asking cause… I'm a bit worried for you two, if I'm honest."

At that comment though, you looked up at Cassie again.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, it's just…" she shrugged, trying to find the right words. "You and Harry don't seem so… different around each other than you were… before. You know?"

It was your turn to shrug.

"We've always been kind of close. And Harry isn't so much in PDA anyway."

"Hmm…" your cousin nodded, but was clearly unconvinced. "I don't know, I just… feel like maybe you're not putting enough… tenderness into it. Okay, he held your hand a couple of times but… you're not kissing, or stealing many glances or… I mean, no more than usual. I don't know, just… I'm worried about you two. A relationship can't work if you don't put efforts into it, and you don't seem to put too much effort into it for now."

You were near panicking by now.

Had you and Harry done such a bad job at selling the whole fake relationship? Even your cousin was doubting you. You reckoned that a conversation with Harry was needed.

But right now, you needed to find an explanation, and fast.

You heaved a sigh.

"It's just… it's a bit weird being together around my parents and the whole family, you know?" you lied, hoping with all your might that Cassie would bite into the bait. "I'd love to be a bit more obvious about it, but then I notice my parents are around, and I feel like a teenager about to get caught snogging her boyfriend in her bedroom by her dad… you know what I mean? And I think Harry kinda feel the same."

Cassie nodded knowingly, before leaning forward and taking your hand.

"I get it. It must be weird to change your relationship with Harry and suddenly come forth with it in front of everyone. Especially when Harry has been your friend and a part of this family for so long now. But… you need to relax. Everyone around here loves Harry, and more importantly, everyone simply wants you to be happy. And it's obvious that your happiness lays with Harry, it's always been obvious. So… relax. Enjoy your relationship and stop caring so much about everybody else. Can you do that for me? Consider it my wedding gift."

You were strangely touched by her caring words, and you found yourself fighting tears for some reason. Maybe it was because Cassie was so genuinely concerned for you and only wanted the brightest happiness for you, it was obvious in her tone and her words alike. Maybe it was because of what she said about Harry and you. It was hard to tell.

But you nodded anyway, choosing to joke to relieve the emotion that filled the air above the loch all of a sudden.

"I'll try, thank you for your advice. But… I've already bought you one of the things on your stupid wedding list, so… that would make too many gifts."

She laughed with you, finally pulling away, and taking back her oar. But she didn't start manoeuvring the boat before one last word was spoken through a tender smile.

"I'm really happy for you, Y/N. He'll make you happy, I know it. He'll love you the way you deserve to be adored. He always has, even when you didn't know he did."

You weren't surprised to find Harry playing with the two young children that were part of the guests. Amy's nephews and nieces were, after all, some of the cutest children you had ever met, and Harry was known for his love for children. So, when you went looking for him to talk about what your cousin had confessed in the boat about her doubts about the two of you, and found your best friend giggling in the most adorable way, chasing after Amy's eight-year-old nephew, in this ridiculous way he had to run sometimes, you couldn't refrain a grin. None of them seemed to notice you as you approached them, they were too busy playing on the shore of the loch. The rest of the two families were setting down blankets and the food needed for the picnic a few meters away, the boats safely dragged up the shore when you arrived to the other side of the loch. And you thought you could use this amount of time when everyone else was busy to have a quick conversation with Harry. But then, you were met with this adorable scene that now unfolded before you, and really, you couldn't interrupt them.

It was as if you were held back by an invisible force, really. All of a sudden, your feet were planted in the ground, and there was no willpower to summon in yourself to make your body move forward. Instead, you remained motionless under the autumnal sun, the wind making the colourful leaves whisper above you, and stared at your best friend being the softest ray of sunshine you had ever seen.

And there it was again. This warm feeling invading your whole chest that you had spent so long trying to banish from your heart. No need to put a name on it. No need to make it harder and more painful than it already was.

Why did he have to be like this all the time? He made it so hard to forget him. And he was so oblivious to it all that you couldn't even be mad at him for it.

Really sometimes, you hated him a little because of it. And as you watched him run around after the child, purposefully missing as he extended his arms to grab the boy, a ridiculous expression on his face as he laughed under the sun, wearing that stupid oversized jumper stained with bright colours of his, his unruly hair a mess of curls shaken by the wind, you did hate him a little. You hated him for making you feel the way you did now.

It took him a couple of minutes to notice that you were there, leaning against the trunk of an evergreen pine tree. Once he spotted you, he shot you a bright smile, before making a silly face that made you laugh despite yourself. It wasn't your fault, after all. He was so goofy sometimes, how were you supposed to resist him?

You shook your head at him, before nodding towards the trees that climbed up the shores, all the way up the slopes of the mountains around the lochs. Harry seemed to catch what you meant, as he sent the children back to their parents, and followed you as discreetly as he could further in the forest.

There were bushes filled with thorns that you almost tore your jeans onto. Only a few meters away, a small clearing filled with purple heather and tall green ferns was splayed in sunshine. Pine trees left their needles everywhere, making a brownish blanket upon the earth. A few colourful deciduous trees finished to paint the scene with touches of brighter colours to stain the blank blue sky. You figured the clearing was far enough to not be heard.

"Everything alright?" Harry asked with a concerned frown when you stopped walking and turned to him with worry painted all across your features.

"I had a talk with Amy in the boat."

"And?"

"And… we're not doing so good."

"What do you mean? Do you mean she's… suspicious about us being together?"

"Kind of. I mean… no, she didn't go this far," you reassured him. "But she asked if everything was alright between us because she thought we weren't… uhm… showing our feelings enough."

Harry heaved a sigh, pinching his lower lip between his fingers, clear sign that he was thinking and worried.

"I told you it was a bad idea."

"Look, we just need to up our game a little. I thought my family would be more easily convinced, but as they clearly don't seem to be buying it, I reckon that we simply have to… put a little more effort pretending."

"So… what do you propose we do?"

"Just… more PDA, I guess."

Harry's cheeks and ears turned crimson, and there was nowhere for him to hide this time.

"Alright. I can do that."

"Let's just… full on pretend we're together, okay? Holding hands, and hugs or whatever… you would do with your girlfriend in public... I mean… with people you know around."

"Okay."

"We can do this, H."

"We don't exactly have a choice at this point, do we?"

You didn't answer, and instead, walked back towards your family to join them for lunch, leaving Harry to meditate on your words on his own.

But then, he reckoned he didn't have a choice. If you wanted him to fully lean in the pretend, then he'd do it. No matter how dangerous that behaviour could end up being.

*****************************************************************

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thatbloodymuggle · 4 years

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the one with the cheeto puffs

Tongue Tied (jj maybank) 2/?

masterlist

word count: 2.6k

warnings: cursing, drug use, mentions of death

read it on wattpad

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If there's one thing you should know about Rosie, it's that she hates crying.

It made her feel weak. And she hated feeling weak. She especially refused to cry in front of others. Because once you've seen someone break down, it changes your view of them—intentional or not.

The last time she'd cried in front of her friends was in the 8th grade. JJ had shoved her off a boat and she cut her arm open on the blade of the motor. Granted, Rosie did cry February 14th as the life slowly left her mother's eyes. But she was alone then. And ever since, Rosie had come up with a routine to avoid crying at the thought of her loss.

When she felt her eyes beginning to water and her throat tightening, Rosie would pick up her least favorite book (one she'd stolen from a library a long time ago), Twilight. She'd divert her mind to Bella Swan's stupid life until she couldn't remember what she was upset about in the first place.

So it was no surprise when Rosie scrambled for the cursed book upon entering the house she hadn't been inside since the day her mother passed. She wasn't sure what had triggered it specifically: the dying vegetable garden her mom had worked so hard on, her mother's forgotten glasses on the kitchen counter, or just the overall feeling that something was missing. But sure enough, Rosie snatched the stolen book and flipped to a random page.

"Your scent is like a drug to me, like my own personal brand of heroin."

Rosie turned her nose up at the line.

"At least he's hot," she grumbled to herself.

The 17-year-old flipped mindlessly through a few more pages until she couldn't take it anymore. She thoughtfully placed the book in the front room of the small house, in case she'd need it again soon.

The four-room house felt odd. Rosie felt as if she didn't belong, despite having lived in it for nine years. She knew she would have to box up and clear out her mother's things at some point, but the thought weighed her down and made her long for her book again.

Rosie pushed the uneasiness to the back of her mind and set to finish her unpacking.

Before she knew it, it was already 8:00 PM and her stomach was rumbling. She'd have to go out and get groceries tomorrow, but until then she'd snack on something at John B's. The teenager quickly put a swimsuit on underneath her outfit and set out for the Chateau again.

The 3-minute drive was quick, and Rosie was glad to be out of the suffocating house. She pulled the Mini-Cooper into the familiar gravel driveway for the second time that day and killed the engine. Rosie skipped up to the front door and swung it open, not bothering to knock. She frowned at the empty room before her.

"Hello? Anybody home?" she called out.

Silence.

Rosie huffed and walked back out to the porch. She squinted her eyes into the distance, trying to catch sight of her missing friends.

"JB? Kie? Pope?" she paused, before adding, "JJ?"

Her yells echoed and she was met with a few moments of silence before a voice replied.

"Do you have to be so fucking loud?"

Rosie's head shot towards the source of the noise. Lo and behold, there sat JJ in the back of John B's van with the side door wide open. His arms draped along the back of the seats, and his legs were in a complete man-spread. He held up a silver lighter to the joint between his lips.

"Where'd everyone else go?" Rosie rolled her eyes and strode towards the van.

JJ shrugged, "Dunno. One minute I'm napping, the next they all leave me. Shitheads," he grumbled, discarding the lighter and taking a deep drag.

"Well, I'm starving. Gonna go make myself something to eat," she began to walk back towards the house but was stopped again.

"Unless you want a ketchup-on-moldy-bread sandwich, you're not finding anything in there," JJ watched in amusement as she huffed and kicked a rock in frustration. "The best thing you're gonna find is in here," he held his joint in his right hand a pulled a bag of Cheetos Puffs out from underneath his seat with his left. Rosie nearly ran forwards, but was stopped in her tracks.

"Ah ah ah," JJ pulled the bag out of her reach with an infuriating grin, "I can share but you have to be nice."

The girl cocked an eyebrow at him, "Can't make any promises, but I'll try."

Rosie didn't wait for his reply. She hopped into the van, slumped in the seat beside him, and ripped open the bag of chips. She didn't hesitate to shove a handful of the cheesy goodness into her mouth, moaning at the taste.

"Ay, keep your Cheeto dust off me," JJ made a show of wiping the crumbs that had fallen onto his lap.

Rosie ignored his protests and sucked the orange dust off her fingertips.

"Puff for a drag?"

JJ held up his joint to Rosie's lips while simultaneously snagging a couple of Cheeto puffs from the bag in her lap. She took a deep drag and nodded to signal she'd gotten enough, cueing him to pull his hand back.

Rosie began to cough violently at the tickling sensation in the back of her throat. Her eyes watered and she struggled to catch her breath.

"Gone for four months and it's like you've never smoked before," JJ smirked at the struggling girl, "thought you could handle yourself, Connolly."

"Shut up, I'm out of practice," Rosie croaked, forcing herself to settle down. "Here. Hit me," she sat crisscrossed and turned to face him.

JJ gave her a 'whatever you say' shrug and took another drag from the joint. He deeply inhaled, making a show of taking as much as he could. He turned to face Rosie with mischievous eyes. He leaned towards her and blew out the smoke. She leaned in, just inches away from his face, and inhaled the smoke emitting from his mouth. Rosie forced herself to take it all. The pair of teenagers were nose to nose.

A now foggy-minded JJ leaned back into his seat. Rosie held in his second-hand smoke for a moment. She formed her lips into a tight 'O' and blew it out in rings.

"Ay, she still has it," JJ laughed in a very dazed manner. Rosie couldn't help but giggle, the familiar foggy feeling taking over her as well. She slumped back into her seat beside him and rolled her head back.

"Told you 'M just out of practice," Rosie mumbled with a dopey grin.

JJ grated on her nerves 85% of the time, but she genuinely enjoyed moments like these. She liked not having to think every once in a while. It was refreshing. Sometimes (maybe more often than she should), she just wanted an escape. JJ was the only one of her friends who never questioned her motives. Rosie and JJ had an unspoken rule. If one was rolling a joint, the other always joined; no questions asked. I mean, two potheads are better than one. Right?

The pair of teenagers watched with hooded eyes as the smoke drifted from inside the van to the starry sky above. Rosie subconsciously let her head fall onto JJ's shoulder, who barely noticed. He was too busy focusing on how he could literally feel his toes tingling. They sat in relative silence for who knows how long, munching on Cheeto Puffs and running the joint out.

But too soon, they were pulled out of their comfortable silence.

"JJ, you better not be crossed. We could smell your weed from, like, a mile back," John B's voice penetrated the night air.

Rosie and JJ lazily turned their eyes to John B, Pope, and Kiara who were now standing outside the van. John B and Pope laughed at the sight of the two stoned teenagers.

"We've made the discovery of the century," JJ laughed with a lopsided grin, "Cheeto Puffs and kush are just a.. an...," his voice wandered, "they're an immaculate combination."

Rosie burst out in a fit of laughter, nearly rolling off of JJ who was quick the join in. Their three friends stared at them incredulously, but couldn't resist joining in their laughter.

"Why do you two idiots only get along when you're high?" Pope laughed, climbing into the backseat with them. Kie took the passenger seat while John B situated himself behind the wheel. He revved the engine and Rosie bounced in excitement.

"Oooh, Johnny where are you taking us?" she giggled. Suddenly, her face switched from dazed to serious. She grabbed JJ's bicep and turned him towards her so they locked eyes, "Oh my god, JJ! He's kidnapping us! He's gonna take us to the cops!"

The blond mimicked her concern and threw his arms in the air, "Stop the damn car, JB. We're not going anywhere with you!"

"Would you two shut up? We're going cliff diving, remember? And if you two don't sober up in the next ten minutes, you're gonna be watching us have fun from the top," Kiara laughed.

"Oh sorry, Kie! We'll be quiet now. Quiet as mouses—mices—mice—which one is it? Shit, JJ, I forgot which one," Rosie whispered to the boy next to her who merely covered her mouth with his hand and leaned back in his seat.

Pope dug out two water bottles from a cooler and handed them to the stoned teenagers. "Drink these."

Rosie fumbled around with the cap but did as he said. The next ten or so minutes were filled with mindless chatter between Kie, John B, and Pope while JJ and Rosie downed their waters.

"All right," John B pulled the van into an empty clearing about a hundred feet away from the edge of the cliff, "we're here."

The Pogues all piled out of the car, but JJ and Rosie were stopped by Kie.

"Not just yet, you two. You're not about to drop down 30 feet if you're not in your right minds."

The two began to protest, but she shut them up again.

"Follow my finger," she moved a finger from side to side, watching their bloodshot eyes struggle to keep up.

"You need more water. And ibuprofen. Here," she dug through her bag and pulled out a bottle of the painkillers. "Take two each," she shoved the pills in their hands and pulled out two more bottles of water. "And drink these. If you're better by the time we get back, we'll let you come with us second round."

She pushed her friends back inside the van and shut the door behind them. Rosie whined in protest, but her cries were ignored. She slumped back into her seat next to JJ and set to work downing her second water bottle instead.

JJ and Rosie sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping on their waters and listening to the muffled screams of their friends. The silence was broken, however, once Rosie had drinken about ¾ of the bottle.

"JJ, I need to pee so bad," she slapped his arm.

"No one's stopping you," he grumbled, nudging the girl off. He seemed to have almost completely come down from his high. Rosie, on the other hand, was only about halfway there.

"I need help," she cried.

JJ scoffed, "Fuck that, I'm not helping you pee. Do I look your bitch?"

"Please," Rosie drew out, tugging on his shirt. "Just help me get behind a tree. If I go alone I'm gonna get lost and then it'll be your fault for not helping me."

The boy groaned but reluctantly slid the door open. He grabbed her wrist and yanked her towards the wooded area a few yards away. Rosie struggled to keep up with his quick steps and ran into him when he came to an abrupt stop in front of a crowd of bushes.

"Make it quick," he let go of her and leaned against a nearby tree.

Rosie carefully made her way behind the covering, careful not to trip over any roots. She struggled to do her business and took much longer than necessary, much to JJ's displeasure.

"Finally," he sighed as she approached him. "Come on, I'm not missing the second round."

He led them back to the clearing. Just as they were about to exit the woody area, a devious smile creeped onto JJ's lips.

It all happened in slow motion. First, he stuck out his leg in front of Rosie. Then, Rosie shrieked as she tripped over it. Next thing she knew, she was lying face first in a pool of mud. JJ's booming laughter filled the area. Rosie pulled herself up in shock and wiped the mud from her face. Then, rage took over.

"What the fuck, you asshole!?" Rosie let out an ear-splitting scream.

At least she'd finally come down from her high.

JJ's laughter heightened, but was abruptly stopped once Rosie yanked his leg, causing him to slip and join her in the mud pile.

Now it was Rosie's turn to laugh, "You're a colossal idiot," she began to pull herself out of the mud, only to be pulled back down again.

Cue JJ's laughter, "Worth it."

And so they continued. Pulling each other down, back and forth in an endless cycle of wet mud and screams. They would've continued for hours if their friends hadn't shown up.

"What the hell?"

Kie, John B, and Pope started incredulously at the two idiots for the second time that night.

"She started it," JJ shoved Rosie's face down and jumped out of the mud.

"Liar!"

"Bitch"

"Well looks like you two are back to bickering again which can only mean you're sober. Good enough for me," Kie laughed and helped Rosie out of the mud. "Come on, let's go jump. The first round was amazing. The water was so warm."

The group of Pogues ran to the edge of the cliff. Rosie peered down at the soft waves below and grinned. She didn't hesitate to strip herself of her muddy clothing until she was only in a swimsuit. The five friends stood in a horizontal line and linked hands. Pope next to Kiara next to JJ next to John B next to Rosie. They braced themselves from the drop. John B began a countdown to jump.

"3... 2..."

"Here's to the best summer ever!" Kie cried.

"...1!"

The teenagers took off in sync. A chorus of cheerful screams filled the night air. The exhilaration was like no other as they crashed through the water and were submerged. The group of friends floated back up to the surface and swam to shore with adrenaline coursing through their veins.

Rosie couldn't wipe the smile off her face. This was her home. Doing stupid shit with her friends was her home. The Outer Banks was her home.

And she just knew Kie was right—this would be the best summer ever.

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and there's part 2!

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

We've sure had a few changes here at The Ocean Shores Resort. It's been a full on month since I last wrote... Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, we've been keeping positive, enjoying the cooler days. Damn summer is hot and long here!!!

The past few months have all been about learning to deal with life's unexpected roadblocks and detours.

There's a lot to tell, but I think the main thing is, at least for me, that I've been a student for the first time the late 1990's. I've spent the past 4 weeks in class, learning, studying, researching, getting to know my classmates and finding all of it challenging, stimulating and exciting.

Studying counseling has been surprisingly awesome for my mental health too. I mean, I have had some really challenging days, especially when it comes to some of the assessments. The first one, well I just about quit the course over it. I really was at my wit's end. An assessment, I suspect, that was created by some office nut job in a government position, who never taught a day in his life and thinks his open ambiguous questions are making it easier for us to answer. I think the whole class suffered sleepless nights that week!! Terrible, but I chipped away at it, persevered and managed to finish it a few days early. Not only that, I learnt a lot about myself and the situation at hand, as you know I'm all about the process.

I learnt that I have to work slowly and meaningfully at these assessments. I can't expect to finish it in one sitting or even in one weekend. Just starting and having a go, finding the easier parts to get done first, using different resources (I love how I can spend the day watching youtube videos and count that as research) and making sure I take time to focus on me with a little bit of self care.

Alex has been super great too, as I delve into this mysterious world of study and being a student. She listens to me talk about the counseling theory of the day, the one we just did in class and how great it is because I can already apply it to friends, family or, more importantly, myself, only to hear me talk about the next theory the next day, like it's gods gift to therapy. She proof reads all my work, debates theories, offers very good suggestions (not only is she super self aware, but she's studied psychology) and somehow, I don't know how she does it, but she knows when I need a break and encourages me to take it. Otherwise I would be at the books day and night.

I've also learnt a lot in class about myself. Part of that comes from comparing my experiences, beliefs and knowledge with my classmates. They are all really great people from a wide variety of backgrounds. But some, push my buttons ever so gently, and I love it. I love the challenge of figuring out why I react to that person that way. What is it I'm feeling and why?

I am thankful this is not an online course!

I've gotten to know some classmates fairly well, and I am surprised at how they openly offer words of appreciation and support. Like “your voice is really calming” and “your vulnerability and openness is a breath of fresh air”. I always thought my voice sounded pretty crap! (Yes I know I sing, but that still doesn't mean I like the sound of my own voice). Also, I never thought I was actually being vulnerable, I always thought that I was just sharing stuff, my stuff, in the hope we can understand each other better. I may have to stop that now....

Nahhhh, just kidding...

The course is something that is right for me, right now. I don't think my mental state would have been ready 2 to 5 years ago, let alone 10 or even 20 years ago!!

Besides the 2 afternoons being ruined by frustration, anger and hopelessness, due to the above mentioned assessment from hell, it's been a good 4 weeks into the year long course. I look forward to each day in class... I even go to the college on my off days to work in the library instead of working from home. I just get more done, even though Mijo misses my lap!

I don't know where the course will take me, I haven't even thought of what job I want to do once I'm a qualified counselor. I hope that during my time as a student, the course will guide me in the direction best suited for me. Learn my weaknesses, follow my strengths and work with both. It's all too overwhelming to think too far ahead. See, I'm learning...

Right here and now... That's all that matters....

During my first week at college, Alex changed jobs. Arriving in Australia and diving head first into real estate sales 1 hour away from home was a real high jump to begin with! The pressure of the job, not to mention the 2 hours a day traveling time, the weekend work and the small size of the business with undefined job roles made it tough! Real tough!

Alex decided to side step into an admin position in a bigger real estate company closer to home with defined job roles, massive support and a very positive outlook. She basically took up her role she had in New York. She's lovin' it! I am too. She's home each night at the same time, doesn't bring much work home with her, other than stories of her awesome day, which I love to hear. Additionally she now has her weekends free to explore and relax too.

She also found a psychiatrist who confirmed her ADHD diagnosis. Alex was originally diagnosed in her early 20's after her turbulent teenage years. She had therapy and medication back then but after a huge burn out in the US, she came back to Germany and let it all lapse. It has been a real struggle for her to cope, and at times, I'll be honest, it has put strain on our marriage. Well, 1 day after her first doc appointment and her meds had kicked in, she's become a new woman. It's been great to get to know this side of her. While things are not 100% perfect, I now have a wife who looks forward to getting up and attacking the day with gusto.

Mum's had a hard run lately too... We all know that I came back to help support her as her eye sight slowly deteriorates. I've been here to read every label, drive her to every appointment and help her work the wonderful world of her laptop, printer and Windows. Alex has been alongside us for the ride too. There's been a few recent health issues that have cropped up. I can't go into detail, but it's fair to say, I can see it was the right time to come home and be here to support Mum.

Mum is strong willed, strong minded and independent, and little of that will change while she can fight against all the odds throwin' at her. It's been a tough couple of weeks, and mum's kept focused on the bigger picture, her health, it's been inspiring.

Mijo has been through the wars.

The little deaf cat recently celebrated his 6 month birthday, but the poor fella has something seriously going on with his health which means we are delaying any big celebrations until his 1st birthday... Besides ringworm (it's not actually a worm, it's a fungal infection), a tooth that won't grow down (it grows directly forward and needs to be surgically removed), no appetite and losing weight, he's doing fine! The poor lethargic fella sleeps all day, which is kind of normal, except I can't remember the last time he had the energy to chase a toy or even run.

I haven't been taking him out much, he needs rest. We did explore the beaches, rivers and parks nearby together, I hope that in a few months I can pick up where we left off. For now he needs rest, calmness and another trip or two the vet.

Through all these ups and downs, we're all actually quite good.

My deep hole from February/March is just a blimp on the computer screen of my life. Studying has raised a few challenges but I am working my way through them, determined to kick that courses ass and learn, learn, learn... One day I hope I can help others through similar struggles as my own.

Alex's struggles with ADHD are progressing in the right direction now and her new job sure was the right call. Mum is showing the world she can take on whatever is thrown at her, and then some.

Alex and I keep going from strength to strength. I'm blessed with her support, respect and love. One classmates already calls her “the awesome wife”, and they've never met!! I guess when I talk about my wife, I reek of pride and love, as it should be.

Thanks for reading,

The Josh

#mental health #counseler #education #psychology #family #journal

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joe-mazzello-archive · 4 years

Text

Doofus

A Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader fic

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: lil bit of angst, but mostly just pining and fluff

A/N: Happy Valentines Day @fallingprincess! This is my gift to you for @dtfrogertaylor’s Somebody to Love event! I hope you enjoy it. Sorry it’s so ridiculously late, I recently got a new job and the training has taken up all of my time! This was my first time writing for Ben so I hope it’s okay :)

You couldn’t roll your eyes harder if you tried. The walls of the meeting hall were covered in tacky red and pink decor; you might have thought the organizers had bought every heart-shaped decoration in town. You were nursing a shitty beer as you watched the people around you mingle with borderline desperate enthusiasm. The whole event was a cringefest and you were unlucky enough to be a part of it.

Going was your best friend Grace’s idea. You had both found yourselves single for Valentine’s Day and when she saw the post about a singles event on Facebook, she wouldn’t shut up about it. You had politely declined, but she practically begged you to accompany her, insisting you needed to put yourself out there more. You had shrugged at her reasoning, arguing that you were in no rush to meet anyone right now. You were young and more focused on your blossoming career; you had plenty of time to meet someone and eventually settle down. But Grace had pushed and pushed, and you finally gave in (mostly to get her to leave you alone).

You glanced across the room where said best friend was chatting up some tall brunette who was waaaay too attractive to be at one of these things. You sighed, shaking your head as you leaned against the high top table and took another sip of beer. No one had come up to you in the last ten minutes and you couldn’t have been more relieved. You had hoped your annoyed expression would act as a deterrent long enough for either Grace to meet someone and leave with them, giving you an excuse to make an exit, or the event to end.

“You look almost as miserable as I am,” said a husky voice next to you. You turned to find a blonde with piercing green eyes mirroring your stance at the high top table next to yours. You gave him a quick once-over before smirking. Another guy at the event who was way too good-looking to be single.

“I can assure you, most people here are miserable,” you countered. “They’re just pretending not to be. I am, however, embracing it.” You gestured to yourself with your beer. The blonde chuckled before moving to stand next to you.

“I assume you’re not here by choice,” the blonde commented. “Let me guess. Friend dragged you here?” You smiled and turned to look at him, almost thrown by just how gorgeous his face was.

“You too, huh?” you asked. The blonde returned your smile before nodding towards the other side of the room.

“The tall, gangly, brunette lad over there trying to shoot his shot with that girl who’s out of his league,” he replied. You threw your head back in laughter, causing the man’s eyebrows to shoot up in surprise.

“Small world, blondie,” you joked. “Your ‘gangly’ mate happens to be attempting to flirt with my best friend, Grace.” The man took a sip of his beer and leaned on the high top, copying your stance once again.

“Gwilym and Grace. It’s got a ring to it. Maybe they’ll fall in love, get engaged, and we’ll drink shitty beer together as best man and maid of honor,” he suggested with a wink. You snickered and rolled your eyes.

“Here’s hoping. Then we’d never have to get dragged to one of these dumb things again.”

“I’ll cheers to that.”

You clinked your bottles and each took a sip before sharing another laugh.

“I’m Ben, by the way,” he said, sticking out his hand. You told him your name and returned the handshake before turning your attention back to the couples sprinkled around the room.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening people-watching and exchanging commentary about the people around you.

“Dude, check out that guy’s pit stains!” you pointed out, nudging Ben with your elbow.

“He hasn’t stopped talking for a second to let that poor girl speak,” Ben replied. “You can see the light in her eyes slowly dying.”

The banter went on for another hour, until eventually the room started to clear out as the event ended.

Gwilym and Grace didn’t fall in love and get married. In fact, Grace didn’t even leave the event with anyone’s number, declaring the entire venture to be a letdown.

You, however, left the event finding yourself a new friend.

You and Ben clicked instantly, and you quickly found yourself hanging out with him on a regular basis. The two of you would watch trashy tv shows and add your own commentary, making each other laugh until the late hours of the night. Weekly lunch meetups became the standard every Friday, the two of you determined to explore the entire culinary scene of the city.

Ben became your best friend quickly. Well, another best friend. You adored Grace, but hanging with Ben was less…exhausting. It was like the two of you had known each other for years. You felt comfortable telling him things you didn’t even trust Grace with. You had even given him a copy of your apartment key, claiming you were too lazy to get up and let him in yourself every time he came over.

It seemed like Ben had embraced your instant connection just as much. You were the person he called when he needed a plus one to a family wedding. You were the person he trusted to watch Frankie when he was away for work. You were the person he called if he was having a rough night, and you were always there in an instant.

You didn't know when it happened. There wasn’t an “aha” moment. It just crept up on you slowly. Your normal excitement for hangout sessions with Ben turned into anxiety and giddiness. You started to care more and more about how your hair looked or what you were wearing when you were going to see him. What used to be friendly, platonic hugs and touches started to cause your stomach to flutter and warmth to travel to your cheeks. You started to count down the hours between each time you were to see him.

Plain and simple: you had developed feelings for your best friend.

You convinced yourself it wasn’t a problem. You were pretty good at compartmentalizing. Was it healthy? Probably not. But you figured you’d either get over it or meet someone else and lose interest in Ben. The only thing you cared about was preserving the friendship. The thought of Ben suddenly not being in your life anymore was painful to think about. So you went about your business, silently pining from afar, and everything was fine.

Time passed quickly as your friendship blossomed, and suddenly it was the beginning of February again. You couldn’t believe it had almost been a year since you and Ben had met. It seemed like just yesterday, while at the same time it didn’t feel like you had only known him a year.

It was a Monday morning. You were at work looking at your calendar when you realized your weekly lunch meetup was set to fall on Valentine’s Day, giving you the perfect opportunity to spend your “Friendaversary” together. You pulled out your phone to text Ben.

You: we still on for lunch as usual on fri?

Ben: of course! i think it’s your turn to pick a place :P

You: let’s go to that italian place that we keep walking past and saying we’re gonna try it and never do

Ben: perfect, i could go for some pasta

You: you always want pasta

Ben: let me LIVE, doofus

You chuckled and shook your head lovingly at the nickname Ben always called you. You felt your stomach flutter again at the interaction before you started to put your phone away, but it buzzed again.

Ben: OH i forgot to tell you! i met someone!

You felt your heart skip a beat.

You: someone?

Ben: a girl! i asked her out tonight and she didn’t run away in terror! her name is chloe

Chloe. Suddenly you hated the name. Your stomach churned unpleasantly at the thought of Ben seeing someone. All this time, you assumed you would meet someone or simply move on from your feelings for him. You never even entertained the notion that he would be the one to meet someone first.

But you had to play the part of the supportive best friend. Ben would know something was up if you didn’t.

You: nice! you’ll have to fill me in on how it goes

Ben: obviously. wish me luck!

You locked your phone and shoved it into your desk drawer with a huff.

You spent the rest of the day moping around the office, barely getting anything done. You couldn’t stop thinking about Ben and his dumb date that night. Your mind raced with questions that you almost didn’t want to know the answers to. How did they meet? When did they meet? Was she pretty? Did she make him laugh? The morbidly curious side of your brain wanted to know every detail, but the logical side of your brain knew that the less you knew, the better.

That night you found yourself bitterly chomping on chips and spinach dip as you watched some random cooking show. You were trying desperately to distract yourself from Ben, but nothing was working. You hated how jealous you were feeling. Why did you have to get this stupid crush in the first place? Ben was an amazing friend, and here you were feeling sorry for yourself instead of happy that your friend had met someone.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table. You groaned when you saw the notification: a text from Ben. You didn’t open it, but the preview was all you needed to see.

*New Text Message* Ben: tonight was amazing! i think we really hit it off…

Of course they did. Who wouldn’t hit it off with Ben? He was charming, attractive, and funny. If you were being honest, it was surprising that in the almost-year you knew him, he hadn’t been on any dates until now.

You let out another groan and grabbed your phone, heading to your room to call it an early night. You hoped a good night’s sleep would cure your crabbiness.

The next few days went by in a blur. You focused all of your energy into work. The number of unread texts from Ben grew and grew, but you couldn’t bring yourself to open them. By the time Friday morning came around, you had sixteen unread messages from the man. It suddenly occurred to you that there was a possibility that Ben had cancelled your lunch meetup in one of those texts. You finally bit the bullet and pulled your phone out to open the texts.

Ben: tonight was amazing! i think we really hit it off. i might ask her out again this weekend. or is that too soon?

Ben: what even is a good second date activity? is cooking dinner for her too much?

Ben: i assume you fell asleep early. call me sometime tomorrow so i can fill you in!

Ben: hey doofus! text me back! i know you’re bored at work!

Ben: ready to die of cuteness?

Ben: [picture of Frankie on her back with a toy in her mouth]

Ben: you okay dude?

Ben: seriously i’m starting to get worried

Ben: did i do something? or not do something?

Ben: i don’t know what’s going on, but i’m going out with chloe again tonight if you want to hang out after

Ben: please talk to me, i want to fix whatever i did

Ben: i honestly have no idea what’s going on, you gotta help me out here

Ben: i’m really worried about you, doofus. i texted grace and she said you’ve been kind of down lately. did something happen?

Ben: you usually always talk to me about this kind of stuff

Ben: you haven’t even opened any of these

Ben: just let me know if you’re okay

Your heart broke at the desperation in his messages. Here you were pushing him away for such selfish reasons. To Ben, you were disappearing out of the blue. He was genuinely concerned for you, and all you were doing was being a jealous asshole. So you decided to finally respond.

You: sorry bud, i’ve just been having a bad week. i’m sorry for making you worried. i’ll explain it all at lunch later.

You shook your head and sighed as you hit send. You owed Ben an explanation. And while you cringed at the thought of telling him how you felt about him, you couldn’t keep acting this way. At the end of the day, Ben was your best friend, and you should be happy for him if he found someone who made him happy. Your phone buzzed almost immediately.

Ben: shit. i didn’t realize what day it was. i have tickets to a matinee movie with chloe in a few hours. raincheck? also good to know you’re still breathing doofus, i missed ya :)

You could literally feel your heart sink. He was cancelling your weekly lunch meetup for her. The two of you had never missed a weekly lunch meetup. And of all weeks to miss. It was your Friendaversary for fuck’s sake. He probably didn’t even remember. He was probably taking Chloe out for Valentine’s. How could you be so stupid? Your days-long mini temper tantrum had driven him right into Chloe’s arms.

You didn’t respond. You left him on read and shoved your phone into your desk drawer. You watched as your coworkers received Valentine’s Day flowers and chocolates and other gifts while you sat there moping.

When the time came for your lunch break, you had zero appetite.

Later that night, you were grumpily watching one of your favorite movies and drowning your sorrows in a bottle of wine when you heard the jingle of keys outside your door. You furrowed your eyebrows as your front door opened; Grace was out of town for the weekend so you weren’t expecting her back until Monday.

Your confusion was sated as soon as you heard a familiar husky voice call your name. Ben.

You sighed and slumped even further into the couch. Right, he had a key.

“In here,” you called. Ben appeared in your living room, a look of concern on his face.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t we friends anymore?” he asked suddenly, a twinge of anger in his voice. You sat up, taking a deep breath to calm your pounding heart. He crossed his arms, waiting for your answer.

“We are friends,” you replied, your voice small. You weren’t ready for this conversation, nor were you prepared for him to be angry with you.

“You sure about that? Because you’ve stopped talking to me almost entirely,” Ben snapped back. “Was it something I did?” There was desperation in his voice. The same desperation you felt through his texts.

“It’s complicated,” you answered. To say you were unprepared was an understatement. You hadn’t once thought about exactly how you were going to tell Ben how you felt about him.

Ben moved to sit next to you on the couch. Your heart was practically beating right out of your chest. Between the fact that you were about to confess the only thing you’d ever kept secret from him and how fucking close he was sitting to you, you were surprised you didn’t pass out.

“We tell each other everything,” Ben stated. “What changed? Just tell me so I can fix it.”

“You can’t fix it!” you suddenly burst out. Ben shifted back, clearly surprised by your sudden change in tone. He didn’t say anything, he simply waited patiently for you to continue, that look of worry still painted on his face. You took a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been handling all of this very well. I just…” You drifted off, unsure of how to phrase it. Your eyes met Ben’s bright green ones and you felt your resolve slipping.

“I have feelings for you,” you explained, looking down at your lap so you could avoid Ben’s stare. “Beyond friendship. I’ve felt like this for awhile, and I figured it would either go away, or I’d meet someone and move on. I never thought about what would happen if you met someone.” You let out a small sigh of relief. Now that the words were out there, you felt slightly better. When Ben didn’t say anything, you continued. “I’m sorry for disappearing on you. I was jealous and handled it like a child. But you’re my best friend and I want you to be happy. If Chloe makes you happy, then I’m all for it.”

Ben still didn’t say anything. You finally looked up at him and were met with those familiar emerald eyes. His face was unreadable and your heart sunk for what felt like the tenth time that day. Panic set in, and you could feel yourself getting worked up.

“Please say something,” you whispered, trying desperately to keep yourself from crying.

Ben shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face. He gently placed a hand on your cheek. You froze at the touch, biting your lip as you waited for his next move.

“You are such a doofus,” Ben stated before crashing his lips onto yours.

You were still frozen in slight shock, but after a few seconds you relaxed into the kiss, massaging your lips against his. It was better than you had ever imagined. You reached up to weave your fingers into his blonde locks as you deepened the kiss. The two of you moved like that for what felt like hours but was probably only seconds. You pulled away gently to catch your breath, but Ben kept his forehead pressed against yours. You couldn’t help but laugh, and Ben joined you as the two of you sat there holding each other on your couch.

“I have been practically obsessed with you since we met,” Ben finally said, pulling away to look at you.

“And I’m the doofus?” you joked, earning another laugh from Ben. “How come you didn’t say anything?”

“Never in a million years did I think you’d ever see me that way,” he replied, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Guess we were both doofuses,” you countered, earning another laugh from Ben.

“Guess so,” he agreed before leaning in to press his lips to yours once again. After a few moments, he pulled away suddenly. “Oh! Happy Friendaversary!”

“You remembered?” you commented, nudging him with your shoulder.

“Of course I did,” Ben answered, as if he was offended you’d ever suggest the opposite. “How could I forget the anniversary of meeting my favorite person in the world?” You felt heat in your cheeks again as you beamed back at him. A thought occurred to you, giving you pause.

“What about Chloe?” you asked, almost afraid of the answer.

“I ended up canceling our movie date because I was stressing about you,” Ben confessed. “I like Chloe, but I didn’t see it going anywhere anyway. I was too caught up on you.” Your smile returned and he mirrored it. “Come here, you.” He pulled you closer to him, moving your legs to drape across his lap.

You instinctively reached for his hand, interlacing your fingers with his. The two of you had always been touchy with your affection, but never this much. But now it just felt right.

“Sorry for being such a doofus about everything,” you said before bringing Ben’s hand up to place a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Ben’s face lit up, giving you a bright smile.

“That’s okay. You’re my doofus.”

Permanent taglist: @queenlover05

#ben hardy #stl event #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy fic #ben hardy fanfic #joemazzmatazz

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