#i have a love hate relationship with winter
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But Daddy I Love Him - ACOTAR
Rhysand x Autumn Court Reader (Beron’s Daughter)
“I’ll tell you something right now, I’d rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.”
warnings: abused eris, autumn court shenanigans, mentioned abuse (verbal and physical), talks of violence, forbidden love, beron being beron, beron being abusive, physical abuse, angst, sexism, the autumn court brothers
2.5k words
Masterlist :)
You were Beron's Achilles heel.
His youngest child and only daughter. The Princess of Autumn. You were spoiled, by your parents and your six older brothers--loved by everyone in your family. You knew they all hated each other, that your father was a bad man, abusive to your brothers and your mother. But for some reason, you were loved by him, doted on by him.
You didn't look a lot like him, or like your brothers, or like your mother. Unlike them, you sported dirty blonde hair, though your powers still resembled theirs-- wielding fire like the rest of your family.
Despite your peculiar hair color, your father loved you inmensely, showing you more affection than he did any of your elder siblings combined. You were lucky, lucky that he didn't do with you what he did to your brothers, that he didn't unleash his wrath on you like he did on Eris or the others.
What Beron did do, though, was shelter you. You lived in the Autumn Palace, and rarely ever saw outside of it. Your father would rather you stay in your rooms, where you were safe from the dangers of the realm. You had guards to accompany everywhere, and if it weren't guards-- it was your older brothers. You loved them, all of your brothers, but your favorite was Eris.
He was the gentlest out of all of them, the one that cared the most for you, the one that understood you. Eris would do anything for you, and you for him. It was thanks to him that you found the love of your life.
Rhysand.
A year ago, Eris had convinced your father to let you attend balls and parties held by the other High Lords, to let you live a life outside your rooms and the gardens. Beron beat him for the suggestion, but nonetheless listened to him. The first ball you attended was in the Dawn Court, a celebration of sorts. Most courtiers from all around Prythian were mesmerized-- and stunned-- to learn of your existence.
Rhysand was one of them. Cauldron, the High Lord of the Night Court was smitten from the moment that he saw you enter alongside your brothers, your head bowed as you walked through the crowd. He had to have you.
And he did just that. It was just pleasantries at first, he was kind to you-- much to Beron's dismay and Eris' chagrin. Everyone knew what the Night Court was made of, and how Rhysand ruled over it. Eris would rather kill the High Lord of Night than let him near you, caring not for court relations but for your well-being. He remembered what happened to Morrigan in the Night Court, tortured by her own family.
He would never let you set foot there.
The second ball you attended was in the Summer Court. Eris had been tasked by Beron to woo some Winter Court aristocrat's daughter, so he was quite busy. Which meant you could slip away without anyone noticing, explore the palace and finally not be babysat by your brother.
You had found a balcony that overlooked the city of Adriata when you heard, "There you are... I've been looking for you," in that deep voice you had been incessantly thinking about ever since your first outing.
You turned to find Rhysand standing there, clad in black leather, his violet eyes shining bright while a feline smirk grazed his perfectly sculpted features. You blinked, your doe eyes shining for him.
He smiled wide, and you instantly knew you were done for. You would be his.
And you were. You and Rhysand began a secret relationship, a secret and dangerous relationship. You let him in, let him into your mind, let him be the one to take your purity. You were Rhysand's and he was yours. Not only that, but you saw each other in secret at different gatherings. And sometimes he winnowed into Autumn territory in the dead of night to see you, not caring for the consequences of his actions. Of what Beron would do when he learned he had defiled you.
"I almost melted his mind when I saw him eyeing you," Rhysand growled, kissing you neck in a feverish manner. You let out a low whine, your fingers running through his onyx silky hair. "I can't wait to claim you," he spoke breathlessly, "to make you my wife."
You moaned wantonly when one of his hands found its way under your skirts while the other worked to unbutton the top of your dress. "Take me to your court," you pleaded, hooking your leg on his lower waist and pulling him closer to you.
"I'll take you, steal you away from this place... make you the Lady of Night..." he groaned, one hand snaking to your neck, holding you steady as he kissed down your neck and then your shoulders. You whined and writhed under his touch, then he said, "be quiet, baby... wouldn't want your daddy to find you like this..."
No, you wouldn't. There was a ball happening, this time in your home, and you had slipped away just so Rhysand could follow you and corner you in a dimly lit hallway. Your arms snaked around his neck, pulling him closer into yourself, like you were a sick woman and the only remedy was Rhysand close to you.
"Sister." The voice of Fenix, your second-eldest brother, ran through the hallway. You jumped, pushing Rhys off of your body as if he had the plague. Rhysand turned to the Vanserra male, a smirk on his face, as if he hadn't been caught in a very compromising situation.
Fenix hummed, his eyes narrowed on you, "interesting."
"Fenix..." you warned him, your eyes travelling to his hands that were now curled into tight fists. You were sure any second now he would send fire your lover's way. "You have one second to disappear before I lynch you and send you back to your cauldron forsaken court," your brother said in a dangerously low tone.
Rhys was unbothered. "I think I'll be taking your sister with me then," he said, wrapping one strong arm around your waist. "Over my fucking dead body, Rhysand."
You closed your eyes in defeat when you heard Eris' voice boom through the hallway. A feline smile happened upon Rhys's lips, "that can be arranged."
You turned to Eris, your eyes silently pleading with him, but it was for naught because he was only glaring at the man that had his arm wrapped tightly around you. "Drop my sister, Rhysand. Or there will be hell to pay." Eris warned slowly.
"Eris, I love him!" You shrieked, only for Fenix to let out a low growl. "And I'll lynch him," he threatened, only for Rhys to laugh.
"I would love to see you try. We're leavin-" Before Rhys could finish, a beam of fire was sent his way, though it misted before it could even touch him. You cried in horror when you saw your father standing at the end of the hallway, backed by the remaining of your brothers. Seldom from Lucien, who was not in Autumn anymore. "You dare touch my daughter?!" Beron roared, the walls of the palace shaking from the sheer force of his words.
Rhysand grinned at him, "we can all talk about this like adults."
Wishful thinking. Your brothers wasted no time in their attack on the Night Court's High Lord, sending flames at him-- though they were no match for Rhysand. He swiftly pushed you out of the way and winnowed around the hall, avoiding each attack. "Please stop!" You cried in horror, but to no avail. They wanted Rhysand dead.
"You are BANISHED from this court, for now and forever." Your father's voice thundered through the palace, and instantly the flames died down-- leaving only a very shocked Rhysand. "Beron... we can talk abo-"
"Leave now, or I send Eris to your court with our army. Leave or we are at war," at your father's threat, you turned to Rhysand in horror. You knew he could kill your entire family with a single blink, that he could really take you and form a war between courts-- and win it.
He spoke in your mind. "Give me the word and I will take you away, bunny. I am not scared of your father or his weak threats."
"Go. I will fix this." You responded.
Rhysand turned to Beron, bowed with a wicked grin on his face, and winnowed away. You stared at the space he had just been standing in longing, before a grip yanked you forward. You whimpered as you looked up at your father's rage - filled expression. "How do you dare?" He asked in a tone that he had never once used on you. You trembled, his grip burning into your skin, causing you to wince in pain.
Eris stepped between the two of you, pulling you behind his frame to shield you from your father's wrath. Beron's glare burned through Eris, and you could almost feel it burning your skin. "You will marry someone of my choosing. Until then, you will remain in your rooms." Beron spoke, his tone offering no room for bargaining.
"But Daddy, I love him!" You cried, stepping from behind your older brother to face your father's rage. Beron growled, "what do you know about love? You're a woman! There's no choice for you in this matter!"
You scoffed, he raised you just to cage you. "I love him!" You pressed again, and he simply rolled his eyes at you, "you know nothing of the world."
"I love him, and I'm having his baby!" You shrieked, and horror instantly was etched unto your father's expression. Your brothers all looked as if they had seen a ghost, eyes wide and mouths hung open at your revelation. Eris covered his face with his hands, "I'll kill him..."
"I'm not..." you admitted, "but cauldron, you should see your faces."
Beron was frozen in shock at your boldness. He was not dealing with this. So to Eris growled, "deal with her."
Your father winnowed away along with the rest of your brothers, leaving the eldest and you to sort out this mess. Before you knew it, your brother winnowed you away and into your room. "Sister, please come to your senses..." Eris started.
"No, I am not coming to my senses," you snapped at Eris.
"Rhysand is crazy, the entire Night Court is full of depraved individuals. Remember what happened to Morrigan? How they left her at our border? They'll do the same to you..." Eris trailed, his expression one full of pain and sheer anger.
"I am not Morrigan! He would never hurt me... and Rhysand said he wasn't the one that hurt her. Eris, I know he may seem crazy, but he's the one I want. I love him! And he loves me!" You contested, your voice cracking as tears once more swelled in your eyes. Rhysand was chaos, he was revelry... and he was also the love of your life.
Eris let out a frustrated groan, he could not believe his sweet sister was so hung up on the cruelest High Lord there ever was in the history of Prythian. "Sleep on it, sister. Because Beron will never let you wed him," and with that, your brother left your room, slamming the door on his way out. Slamming the door on you and your future.
-
You were summoned early in the morning to breakfast with your family, you attended with your arguments sharp as knives-- ready to hurl them at your father. As soon as you entered the Dining Hall, your brothers erupted into their arguments, all of them reminding you of all the things Rhysand had done in his life.
Your father looked smug as your five brothers scolded you for wanting the Night Court's leader. Your mother looked mortified, her face pained-- she just wanted you to be happy.
"He melts minds," said Fenix.
"He has those two bat boys, they are evil and kill innocents," said Zire.
"He lets his court torture women, look at Morrigan," said Lukas.
"I heard he keeps a hundred concubines in his palace," said Ember.
"He runs his court without any sort of morals," said Eris.
You thought it was rich coming from your brothers. They were the ones that tortured Lucien's lover, and the ones that ran him out of Autumn. They didn't know you knew that, though-- one of your servants had told you what had happened.
Their hypocrisy and vile words towards Rhysand made you seethe, sending flames flying from your hands and to the walls of the room as you stood up. "I'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all your hypocritical bitching and moaning," you screeched.
Your brothers went still, their mouths all clamping shut as they stared at you in shock.
"You're a Vanserra," your father growled. "Whether you like it or not, you do my bidding, and if you think I'll let you wed Rhysand just because you want to, then you are dafter than you appear, child."
You remained silent, digesting your father's words. You had always known your father to be cruel. Knew he beat your brothers, knew he was the one that bid them to kill Jesminda and run Lucien out of the court. But you had never known his cruelty, no. You had always been his weakness, the child he truly did appear to love. Though now you knew that just because he didn't you, it didn't mean that he cared any more for you than he did your brothers.
"I may be a Vanserra," you trembled, "but I would gladly disgrace the name. You've already done it plenty."
Beron never once expected you to go against him like this, no, you were the good one. You were the dutiful daughter, the one he had kept hidden for years on end to protect. Where did you get all this conviction? Your father stood from his seat at the end of the table, Eris doing the same thing— ready to intervene if he were to attack you.
Beron strode towards you quickly, and Eris tried to jump in between the two of you, but with a flick of his hand your father sent Eris flying to the wall. You gasped, meaning to rush to your brother, but your father grabbed you midway.
His grip was deathly, and as you looked up at him— your blood ran cold. And before you could even pull away, his hand struck you across the face.
-
Author’s note:
i instantly got this idea when i heard this song like IT FITS PERFECT
Taglist: @mybestfriendmademe @lilah-asteria @sheblogs
#acofas#acomaf#acosf#acotar#acowar#azriel#azriel acotar#azriel one shot#azriel shadowsinger#azriel spymaster#rhysand imagine#rhys acotar#rhys x reader#rhysand#rhys#rhysand x reader#rhysand x you#rhysand acotar#eris vandaddy#eris vanserra#eris acotar#eris x reader#autumn court#night court#beron vanserra#high lord beron#Spotify
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I HATE IT HERE | JACK HUGHES
summary: in which her relationship with jack seems too good to be real. (0.7k words)
authors note: taylor really called out us delusional girlies and daydreamers with this song! it’s my favorite on the album and it deserves something so enjoy this very short writing!
"come on, don't be scared," jack chuckles as he slowly guides you. you look down, a suspiciously nice pair of skates clad to your feet.
"i'm going to fall!" you squeal, attempting to mimic the way he skates.
his giggle fills the cold air surrounding you. after a day of cozying up together in jack’s lake house, he gets the bright idea that he wants to teach you how to skate. after going to the store and buying you a pair of skates— that he won’t specify the price of— he leads you outside onto the ice. it takes you about ten minutes to even step foot onto the frozen death trap. but with your boyfriend’s persuasive smile and adorable face, you land yourself on the ice, anxiously moving your feet side to side.
"you're fine," he says, his hand moving to your waist. in the cold michigan evening, his hand on your waist sends warmth up your spine.
it all feels too surreal. from the dusting of snow around you to the romantic atmosphere, you feel like you're in one of your favorite romance novels. it all feels too familiar, and at the same time, your eyes scan around you, trying to treasure the moment.
jack stares up at you with a toothy grin. he looks at you like you’re the only girl in the world; like you hung the stars in the sky.
“what are you looking at, rowdy?” you say with a smug expression. his face flushes a deep maroon and his eyes fall to the ground. “going shy on me now, are we?”
“i feel like you’re forgetting who’s teaching you how to skate right now.” his hand falls down your waist, giving your butt a squeeze. your bottom lip juts out as he lets out a boyish grin.
“shut up and show me how to move faster.” you retort, though a pink blush still lingers on your cheeks.
jack takes one hand off of your waist, turning his body and slowly demonstrating how he pushes his leg out at an angle. he swiftly picks up speed as you hold onto him. it looks so simple. all it is, is the movement of his legs and feet, but as you try it, you slip, clinging to jack’s body and pulling him down with you.
somehow, his body hits the ice first and you land on top of him. your eyes are wide as you both look at each other. as the realization of what happens sets in, you both bark out in laughter. you snuggle your face into the crook of his neck, an attempt to silence your laughter.
“i love you so damn much.” he says in pure awe.
“i love you so damn much!” you mock him, lifting your head from his chest and staring at him below you.
his cheeks are pink from the cold and his hair a wavy mess that not even the winter hat on his head can hide. your eyes flick down to his lips. they look so plump and kissable.
you lower face, stopping just an inch above his lips. he smirks, “what are you waiting for?” his words are barely above a whisper, eliciting butterflies in your stomach.
but just as your lips press against his, you hear a distant voice.
“y/n?” mr. samson, your ap history teacher, calls out. “are you paying attention?”
you blink, looking around the classroom. you’re in high school, not michigan, and the boy nearest to you is not jack hughes. the realization sets in, causing a pit in your stomach. you suddenly feel nauseous.
had you daydreamed about a relationship with jack hughes once again? no, you couldn’t have. it seemed so real; it felt so real. it was almost like you could feel jack’s hands on your waist, leaving a permanent stain of warmth around your hips.
you swallowed harshly as everyone’s eyes followed you awaiting an answer. “y-yes.” your voice was shaky. people in the back of the classroom snickered at you as others furrowed their brows. your skin felt hot with embarrassment. it was nothing like the flush you felt when jack complimented you.
“ok then.” mr. samson said as he continued his lesson.
you sighed, grabbing your pencil and copying down the notes on the board. you pushed back the recollections of your daydream, putting them into one of the many secret gardens in your mind. they would stay there patiently awaiting until you unlocked and relived them again.
if only.
#nora’s writings 💐#jack hughes#new jersey devils#nhl imagine#jack hughes x reader#jack hughes blurb#jack hughes imagine#jack hughes imagines
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its getting really cold outside
#comfort doodle#a warm up if u will#AHAHA#anyway#i have a love hate relationship with winter#i love snow and cold!!#but it makes me depressed af#rest in peace my motivation you will be missed#arknights#stalkiwiart#olivia silence
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I’m happy that it’s Christmas time however, I am not ready for temperatures to be below 50 degrees!🥶
#not ready for this cold#soon the high temperatures are only going to be in the upper 40s#I have a love hate relationship with winter#winter#chilly#ugh#I don’t like cold cold
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he's a theater kid trust me guys prismo told me
#id in alt text#im crazy im crazy im crazy im insane#i have a love/hate relationship with his hair#the winter king#simon petrikov#the candy queen#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#adventure time#adventure time spoilers#definitely art#simoncest#<- vaguely
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That part in The Secret History where Francis argues that cigarettes and alcohol aren’t affecting his health, because he would know if they were. Seeing as he’s been consuming them his entire life.
…..
#Ok Francis#Sure#darling#Sure.#I have a love hate relationship with that part#yea idk#francis abernathy#francis abernathy aesthetic#books and literature#the secret history#donna tartt#richard papen#bunny corcoran#henry winter#camilla macaulay#charles mcaulay#dark academia#help lmao#cigarettes#alcholol#chaotic academia#academia#classic academia#classic#classics#books and reading#books#bookblr#classic books#books & libraries
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steve and bucky, stometime in the 1930s!
it's. like. man, I haven't touched a marvel comic in forever and the mcu is dead to me, but I still love some of those characters so much and god, when winter soldier came out. that sure was an experience :')
anyway. nostalgia!! I ended up writing out a small scene just for kicks, but then I realized that no one was stopping me from drawing it and then it got out of hand because the thumbnails clocked in at a thirty pages, but I've cut it down to twelve through the power of editing, so. in the year 2023. I started working on a pre-serum stucky fancomic.
this feels like something I was doing a decade ago and I feel like I've been transported back in time lmao. you never forget your favorite comics or their movie adaptions!!
#i say comics and their adaptions bc i was reading the winter soldier arc like it was the bible back in middle/highschool#like sitting on the floor of the library DEVOURING it#the difference between me then and me now is that all i do is read non fiction about history#this is like. 616 adjacent but also fuck the 616. definitely not mcu compliant but who cares about that#marvel#american comics tag#steve rogers#bucky barnes#i have a hate-hate relationship with american comics (i am qualified to say this. like. on a literal job level i am qualified)#but GOD do i miss it sometimes. i loved so much about comic culture#sure do hate so many people who work in it tho.
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that line from episode 2 is still haunting me. Joel’s “You need to stop talking about this kid like she’s got some kind of life in front of her!”
We know of Joel’s reluctance and annoyance regarding the smuggling of Ellie outside the QZ and to the fireflies, but this is something we never get in the game. This very strong pessimism. He’s become so detached. He doesn’t believe she’s worth anything. He’s dehumanized her and stripped her raw of any worth or meaning in his mind. She equates to nothing. She has nothing to offer the world, not even her immunity to the fungus. She has nothing to offer either of them or anyone else. She’s worthless to him, in nearly every way possible.
And not only is this a mix of his pessimism that has been a part of him for who knows how long at this point, it’s also his vehement defiance of getting attached to her. This little girl is handed to him on a silver platter. A little girl that reminds him so much of Sarah. She’s cute, snarky, inquisitive, and a smart ass. What’s not to love? But he’s fighting himself the whole time because of this. She’ll get to him, he knows she will, so he has to do everything in his power to keep that from happening. Be rude, ignore her, blame her, point a gun and threaten to shoot her every time she breathes, downright shit on her whole existence to Tess while she can hear the conversation, whatever it may be. He has to mean nothing to her. Because he’s responsible for her. Because he has to protect her and get her to safety. And what happened the last time he had that same responsibility? And if that same fate happens to her, at least he’s not attached this time. He can throw her in a fire and move on. But if their journey goes too far, that bonding is inevitable. It will happen. And he just can’t let it. He has to get rid of her as soon as he can. Because those limits of not caring will only get him so far.
But, in part, it also makes me smile knowing how they end up. Knowing how much she ends up meaning to him that he massacres a whole hospital to save her. How much he ends up loving her, and her him. That she does have a life in front of her, and it’s because of him. They get to settle down together. Ellie living in a normal community for the first time in her life, not a military school. Making friends and finding love. Learning how to swim, visiting a space museum and getting to touch the stars, and learning how to play guitar; everything that he gives her. The man that convinced himself that she was nothing and without a purpose becomes more than everything to him. and I can’t wait to see it all unravel in live action.
#your reminder to not ship them or I’ll spit on your pillow :)#i don’t know what it is about them that just#they just do it for me.#the found family#the love that seems so otherworldly between them because it’s just so profound in every way possible#the reluctance turned genuine care and protection#I still can’t wait for winter when they hold hands. u won’t hear the end of it. not from me#it’s 3am and I’m waiting for bad batch im sorry#the last of us hbo#tlou spoilers#joel miller#ellie williams#does anyone have any other father daughter relationships#where he just hates her so strongly at the beginning#and then loves her way more than he knows how to deal with by the end#I feel like SpongeBob without water please I need more
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If I don't see when it first starts to snow I'll actually explode
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The view from my front yard and bedroom window this morning. I'm always in awe of a snowscape like this; there's something almost otherworldly about it and there's a stillness to it even though I can hear the normal sounds of the day down the street.
It's also a little spooky. See how the trees are bending? This is very heavy, wet snow and it doesn't take much for it to start snapping branches and power lines. So far the lights (and heat) have stayed on and the storm's now moving away, but it'll be awhile longer before we're fully in the clear.
#real life#i have a love-hate relationship with snow and winter in general#it's so beautiful and there's a peacefulness to it#but by february i am DONE with the cold and darkness and the mess and begging for spring#also i wasn't kidding when i said i live in faerghus haha
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not even going to lie i have been Going Through It quite a bit lately in case anyone's been wondering why the posting's dried up. health issues school stress seasonal affective disorder it is kind of all piling up. hopefully i'll be feeling better soon i do wanna do more f/ovember stuff
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Winter’s Wish: Spirits of Edo - Final Thoughts
HEADS UP - below the read more, I’ll have spoilers for EVERY route in the game!
I enjoyed this game quite a lot, though I don’t absolutely love it by any means. PERSONALLY I’d put it at about the level of Olympia Soiree - so it’s pretty good and I’ll come back to it occasionally, but it doesn’t measure up to my favorites.
That said I liked the unique elements of the story - vessels, formfolk, blightfall - and how they were handled... for the most part. I feel like the story somehow hits both ends of the spectrum in being VERY logically thought out/developed and making good use of foreshadowing... and yet sometimes there are things that don’t make sense at all or seem contradictory. There’s also a bit of a consistency problem in how certain characters and issues are handled depending on the route. I’ll get into that a bit in the spoilers.
My play order was Genjuro > Kinji > Kunitaka > Tomonari > Yoichi > Ohtaro.
Common Route(s): While I was partially disappointed to have to immediately narrow down my route choice to two guys (or rather, ONE guy except for Castle Town due to two routes being locked initially), I did enjoy seeing the different stories play out and how Suzuno was utilized differently each time. The “pre” route split also gave the story more time to get her closer to each love interest, IMO.
I appreciated that she was taught to fight in the Castle Town route, which then carried forward to her contributing a bit more in battle for Yoichi and Genjuro. It’s a shame she couldn’t fight in the other routes, but thankfully they found other ways for her to be useful anyway.
I’ll admit the Entertainment District route frustrated me a bit, since the conflict was so... avoidable. Yabuta cast suspicion on himself by not revealing his connection to the case and then had the audacity to get upset when everyone confronted him about after finding out the truth. Thankfully this stupidity IS pointed out at the end and he basically says he won’t make the same mistake again... but honestly an apology or acknowledgement that HE was in the wrong would have been nice, instead of treating him as justified for being secretive and then upset at the consequences to HIS OWN actions.
The Samurai Town route was surprisingly funny. The epic music and tension given to Suzuno just trying to impress the ladies and get an in with them was hilarious, as was Tenichibo immediately falling for her and outing himself as a mostly harmless loser. This route also showed another, sweeter side of Kyoshiro, which was lovely. It’s a shame that only carried into Tomonari’s route and not Kunitaka’s.
Genjuro: This route was a sweet and wholesome slowburn. I could really tell they were getting closer as time passed, and it was clear Genjuro was starting to open up and depend on Suzuno for guidance. I also think this route probably handled the vessel issue the best. More than anyone else, Genjuro starts out like what I expected a heartless, memory-less person to be - aloof and focused entirely on his mission. Several other vessels just seem too... emotive, right from the start - and to be fair there ARE reasons for some of those (which I’ll get to) but in some cases I can’t figure out where their depth of perception and emotion is coming from.
Meanwhile you can SEE the transition with Genjuro from being focused on his work (while still devoted to the people of Edo) to starting to feel more. First comes the reveal of how much time and effort he’s put into interacting as casually/normally as he does with people - and to be clear he’s still pretty awkward, showing that despite his progress he still has a long way to go - and then he slowly gets anxious and upset about essentially being on house arrest, but as a vessel, he needs Suzuno to RECOGNIZE what’s he’s feeling and help him understand and work through it. Long before his seal breaks, you can see he’s slowly starting to feel and certain emotions are bleeding through.
If I have one complaint, it’s just that he could have used one or two more “romantic” scenes to justify the ending. I feel like their relationship jumped from around 60 to 100, really quick. Even just giving them a few more minutes to interact after the seal on his heart broke and indicating then that he DID have feelings for her (that he hadn’t fully felt/recognized until now, of course) before Hanzo showed up would've been enough. As-is, I personally found the big romantic declarations of love and wanting to be together forever to be just a tad unearned.
Kinji: So this seems to be a bit of a hot take but I didn’t really care for his route. Or at least, I didn’t like his relationship with Suzuno. Something about the way he interacts with and treats her just feels condescending to me. It feels like he “likes” her because she amuses/entertains him, which... I don’t find romantic. And on her end, while it’s VERY clear that Suzuno is attracted to him, it seems purely physical. She’s into his looks which is valid (he’s 100% the hottest guy in the game based on appearance alone), but it’s hard for me to take her falling for him seriously because it just feels like they haven’t bonded at all. He teases her, she gets flustered, this repeats like four more times... and suddenly she realizes she loves him. WHY?
They don’t seem to have opened up to each other at all so it doesn’t feel like there’s any reason for her to like him more; she’s just infatuated with him. I DID like him outright telling her to make him fall for her - that felt good and I thought at least his half of the romance might feel earned. But it seemed like in no time at all he was reciprocating - or rather the story suggested he was ALREADY into her by the the time he made that suggestion. And again I couldn’t see it, because to me it feels like he’s toying with her rather than CONNECTING with her.
Outside of the romance that I couldn’t get behind, I DO like other aspects of this route. I liked the espionage/spy angle of Suzuno infiltrating the brothel, as well as the makeover that came with it. And I liked Okuni quite a bit. This route was also like the only one to have a red herring for the antagonist unless we’re counting the Man Behind the Man, the true Big Bad for every route, which I’m not at this point. It was nice having to try and solve a mystery instead of having an obvious conflict to overcome from the beginning.
Kunitaka: In isolation, I think his route is very solid and I like it. Taking the entire game and other routes into account though... I have several issues. First of all, Kunitaka gets SUCH a raw deal. Even though it makes sense for the Oniwaban to doubt/suspect him considering the evidence, they take it too far - at least compared to other routes. This is where the consistency issue pops up.
In other routes, characters are trusted or forgiven for FAR WORSE considering there is NO doubt in those circumstances that they’re guilty. Yet Kunitaka is merely suspected, with NO concrete proof, and literally everyone turns on him and is ready to kill him basically immediately.
What really bothers me is that logically, this makes SENSE from the vessels at least - they wouldn’t have the hearts to truly care about/trust him, so they’d be ruthlessly logical about it (which makes their quick turnarounds/trust in OTHER routes that much more grating). As the prime suspect it makes sense to take him out. But even the HUMANS in the Oniwaban don’t give him the benefit of the doubt. This is PARTICULARLY frustrating with Yabuta, considering he’s a damn hypocrite. He suspects Kunitaka and wants to kill him WITH NO HARD EVIDENCE, yet he had the gall to be upset that the Entertainment crew was suspecting him AFTER HE WITHHELD INFORMATION from them.
Even Tomonari, who should know him best, doesn’t trust or care for him at all and ONLY joins him due to his trust in SUZUNO. It was so frustrating playing this route and having everyone doubt Kunitaka. What’s worse is that there was an opportunity for Suzuno to be (RIGHTFULLY!!!) angry towards everyone on his behalf, but instead she was just... sad and didn’t know how to think/feel about everyone. Honestly this route would have been ten times better if Kunitaka and/or Suzuno actually HELD IT AGAINST the Oniwaban instead of instantly forgiving them. Since the trust and relationship was BROKEN, they needed to EARN it back, and that didn’t happen.
My other huge issue is just that I struggle to wrap my head around Kunitaka as a vessel. Genjuro and Kinji actually do seem initially aloof/detached/etc. before they start emoting more throughout their routes, and the other three have good reasons/explanations for why they’re so emotive. But how/why is Kunitaka so emotive and perceptive? I understand that a lot of his personality is inherited from his owner, but even if he’s compelled to live a similar lifestyle I just struggle to think that without the capacity to feel and understand emotions, he’d be able to act the way he does and even more, be such a good teacher to children.
It’s also odd how... back-and-forth he is in regards to Suzuno. Sometimes he can tell what she’s feeling (such as when he deliberately tries to shut her down so she’ll stop loving him, since a relationship with a vessel wouldn’t work) but other times he’s completely dense and has to be told what she’s thinking.
Finally I have a minor nitpick - Kunitaka’s relationship with Genjuro is a fairly important part of his character and route, yet doesn’t have ANY role or importance in Genjuro’s route. Just one more way in which the poor guy is shafted.
All these complaints make me understandably ambivalent at best about Kunitaka’s route. That said... I actually DID like the romance here! Yes, it was a bit rushed in the beginning, but it made sense - due to the accidental kiss and Suzuno’s lack of experience, she fell fast and hard. But the route took a turn I’d never seen before when Kunitaka NOTICED and shut her down since he didn’t (and couldn’t) feel the same.
I genuinely liked Suzuno a lot in this route. It took a lot of determination for her to turn against everyone else to support Kunitaka, especially when she was suffering a broken heart at the time. But she KNEW it wasn’t him and she trusted him, so she willingly put herself in a painful situation to support him.
She shoved her love aside to be there as his FRIEND, and then was confident and spunky enough to reject HIM when he confessed to her. Because he’d broken her heart and she was trying to get over him, she issued him a (justified) challenge to win her over. What followed was basically a role reversed version of what I’d wanted/expected from Kinji’s route, where Kunitaka clearly started making moves and she was into it even as she tried to force her feelings down.
So yeah, I really liked the romance in this route. I also loved Tenichibo coming back and playing a big role. He’s easily my favorite non Oniwaban character. It’s a shame about... everything else.
Tomonari: Yes, I played his route before Yoichi despite him being the intended penultimate route. I actually blindly ended up on Tomonari BEFORE Kunitaka, and got pretty invested in the beginning of his route before I was forced onto the early bad end. So I was eager to get back to him as soon as possible.
By design, this route was darker than the rest. The pressure to use her power to contribute and catch the murderer BROKE Suzuno in a way nothing else in any other route did. It’s interesting they chose the poster boy’s route for her to be so weak/helpless, but it’s clearly intentional as she and Tomonari have clear arcs on this route where she has to accept what’s happened and just try to do what what she can while he has to learn to LET her try instead of sheltering her from everything and everyone that might hurt her.
Tomonari is interesting in that’s he’s pretty cold/aloof... towards literally everything except Suzuno. But his soft spot for her is clearly explained as a result of their shared past - even with his memories sealed, on some level he recognized and loved her from the start, and wanted to do everything he could for her. I appreciate that this is present in basically every route too - he consistently puts her wants and well-being above his duties in the Oniwaban, which is very NOT vessel-like behavior.
The romance is pretty well-written and believable in this route, but it IS a bit uncomfortable with the context of them kind of being raised as family. I know that physically/mentally/emotionally they’re the same age NOW but it’s weird to think Tomonari existed pretty much at the same state he is now when Suzuno was a child, and he was essentially her older brother (considering in Ohtaro’s route he explicitly calls Suzuno’s parents Mother and Father, indicating they were HIS parents too).
I also don’t know how to feel about the fact that he occasionally comes off as yandere-lite. Outside of the bad ends, his moments of jealousy/possessiveness are minor and played funny/cute enough that I can accept them, but I still recognize on some level that it’s not... good. And if he weren’t literally about to die in his sorrow end I’d be freaking out more about the way he’s rushing into sex with her as a way to “claim / leave a mark” on her”. It’s not explicitly said but I have to wonder if the implication is he’s wanting/hoping she gets pregnant (since the scene very much had a vibe of him wanting her to remember him forever, and that would leave her a lifelong reminder). If so, ironically his other bad end debunks the possibility.
On that subject, can I just say RIP Genjuro’s good ending. Since Tomonari’s bad ending heavily implies that vessels can’t reproduce, that means the desire to have kids/a family the Genjuro expresses in his good ending won’t go anywhere. This theoretically isn’t an issue for Kunitaka or Tomonari in their good endings since they turn human, but Genjuro is explicitly still a vessel since his memories are still sealed. Kinji and Yoichi are too, but at least neither of them outright says they want kids and might not get to have them.
Not to harp on my issues with Kunitaka’s route again (and I’ll do it AGAIN in Ohtaro’s route), but the Oniwaban is very quick to forgive Tomonari and Suzuno for running away. Even worse is that Yabuta specifically apparently was concerned for them and vouched for them to the shogun - even if you chose NOT to run away and thus Tomonari took matters into his own hands, which leads to a confrontation with Yabuta as opposed to him just letting you go peacefully. Once again, Kunitaka got a raw deal.
One aspect of this route I really liked was the relationship between Miharu and Kyoshiro and how they were basically a beta couple. The two are VERY different and have a long way to go towards understanding each other, but just seeing the baby steps (and comparing their strained, bickering relationship with how easy and loving Tomonari/Suzuno is) was satisfying. THAT SAID, Kyoshiro coming back to life at the end was... convenient, to say the least. He was the ONE major character to die in every route (not counting bad ends), and it got undone.
While it was emotional and I’m glad to see Miharu and the shogun so happy... his death was a very important moment for Suzuno and something that should have weighed on her forever. It’s something that she and Tomonari were partially overcoming when they defeated the blightfall, so having it just undone felt cheap. Especially when it was explicitly stated there was no chance he’d come back.
Yoichi: I ended up liking the relationship and dynamic he had with Suzuno a lot more than I initially expected. Especially since the route started on a trope I’m NOT fond of - fake dating.
Thankfully that was only a small part of the route, and even while pretending to date, the two got to have several REAL conversations. I appreciate Yoichi’s blunt and straightforward attitude, and how he helped Suzuno grow.
I really liked the twist of his route and how it sets him apart from the other vessels. Because Yoichi had his memories from the start, he can fall back on that knowledge/experience to better interact with people. Even if his own feelings are muted, he REMEMBERS emotions enough to be able to recognize (and even manipulate...) them in others and fake them himself. Even retroactively, I feel like applying what I learned about him here helped me understand his actions on OTHER routes.
When it comes to Yoichi’s feelings... that’s where the water gets muddied in the context of the game as a whole. Even at the end of the route, Suzuno can’t see his threads, which suggests that his heart is STILL sealed. However, Yoichi gets offended/upset when she suggests he can’t feel and is pretty insistent that he CAN. Also, considering how... besotted he gets once he and Suzuno actually get together, it’s hard to deny that he’s feeling something. It’s too radical a shift, and there’s no reason for him to be lying at this point.
I can understand and sympathize with the idea of “whether I have a heart/feelings is up to ME”, but when it directly contradicts literally every other route, which clearly shows the threads as an indication of having a heart, it leaves me feeling confused.
Ohtaro: My first playthrough of his route, I was ambivalent up until The Reveal, for reasons I will shortly explain. After that, though, my primary emotion, for QUITE some time, was... vindication.
I’d been suspicious of Ohtaro for quite a while, for several reasons. Some meta reasons (his route ONLY unlocking after Tomonari, who already required completing 3-4 others, was obviously notable), some legitimate foreshadowing that I caught, and some things I was actually just wrong about (in the extras menu, I was CONVINCED his flower was a spider lily, which I know is associated with death. I was surprised and embarrassed when I beat the route and discovered it was a freaking DANDELION).
I figured there had to be some reason Ohtaro’s route came AFTER the poster boy, who in games with locked routes is almost always the final route. So I knew there must be big twists/reveals, and him being a twist villain made sense. So even before hitting his route, I was on the lookout for suspicious behavior from him. I actually caught the line in the Entertainment District common route about “black threads”, but it was so brief I wasn’t sure what it meant. Since the game moved on immediately I assumed it meant everyone saw Suzuno’s power (which is true) removing the threads (false).
I found it curious that in most routes, Ohtaro just LEAVES in the good ending. I thought his behavior in Tomonari’s route was ultra convenient - pitching a fit about being tired so he could leave just before shit went down. Being “useless” against the Divine Blightfall (which the others even call out!). I was primed and READY to catch him as a villain, and by the time I actually started his route I might have been disappointed to be proven wrong.
But I WAS still second-guessing myself and open to being wrong... up until he mentioned emotional imprints. It was then that I KNEW he was hiding shit and I was READY for the reveal. And it didn’t disappoint!
I’ve never seen another otome where one of the love interests is a twist villain big bad. I’ve seen twist villains (but not the main antagonist), and I’ve seen villain love interests that weren’t hiding that they were the enemy, but this was a first. The sheer novelty made this route enticing for me.
More importantly, this reveal retroactively fixed a huge issue I’d been having with his route - namely that the relationship/romance was moving VERY FAST on his end. But that was intentional, because he’s been purposefully trying to seduce her into joining him.
And at first I couldn’t reconcile WHY he wanted her on his side so badly, since it was clear he was manipulating her into joining him rather than actually being in love with her - but why would he care so much about her joining anyway, unless he DID like her? But there was a well thought out answer for that, too. Just like Tomonari, Ohtaro is deeply connected to Suzuno, except through her mother rather than her father. And he wanted her on his side because of that connection.
I think the sorrow ending is VERY helpful/informative on this route. Even after two runs of his good ending, I couldn’t quite accept his sudden shifts in mood and how he treated Suzuno. But seeing a good chunk of his route from his POV clarified a lot. Suzuno was actually RIGHT ON THE MONEY when she asked if he wanted to be stopped long before he was willing to engage with the idea, which is why he divulged as much information as he did and why he was so easily persuaded to give up revenge. And seeing when he started to genuinely like her made the progression of their relationship work better for me too, since from Suzuno’s perspective, there is a DRASTIC shift between before and after she rescues him from the Oniwaban that was a little too sudden for me.
But knowing that he was ALREADY struggling with figuring out his feelings at that point, knowing that he DID like her - and might have thoughtlessly kissed her because HE WANTED to rather than because he thought it was what she wanted, and thus he felt rejected when she bit him - made his falling to pieces when she saved him less abrupt and more believable.
The sorrow ending also just hits really hard in a good way. It fires Chekov’s Gun (which was brought up and NOT fired in the good end) with the netsuke being broken. Tomonari’s call out to Suzuno was SO GOOD and directly points to what DOES happen in the good end where the “correct” way to love someone is not by accepting and going along with your love’s sins but rather by addressing them and trying to do better. The CG of Ohtaro literally dying while he finally acknowledges his feelings and how he wants Suzuno to be free rather than carry on his revenge is painful in the best way. And Suzuno not even realizing she’s become a blightfall (paralleling Hibie, since both turned blightfall out of losing their love) and carrying on Ohtaro’s revenge anyway without meaning to, as she searches for him. God, that ending hurt and I loved it.
Ultimately the game handled basically everything with Ohtaro REALLY well. There was plenty of foreshadowing to his “true nature” and then again there was some foreshadowing in his route of his ACTUAL true nature and wishes. The Oniwaban’s behavior also made sense in this route. Again, there was subtle foreshadowing about them learning/suspecting the truth - there’s a great moment where after Ruriko talks about feeling a pain in her neck, which the vessels assume is important, and we get a text box of Kinji saying nothing, looking concerned. Since vessels have perfect memory, he’d remember that Ohtaro touched her neck and thus would suddenly have reason to suspect him.
The Oniwaban covertly planning and attacking him out of the blue makes sense - they wouldn’t show a blightfall any mercy. I also appreciate that Kyoshiro shuts Suzuno down when she tries to defend Ohtaro or get him to allow her to talk to him again, but then he’s convinced through a logical approach - getting information about Hibie. And it makes sense that Tomonari would help her since that’s in character as I previously established. And while I still think Ohtaro gets forgiven/accepted a bit too easily (especially compared to Kunitaka...), again the story is careful to have it make perfect logical sense.
Barring Tomonari, the rest of the vessels decide to give Ohtaro a chance only AFTER Suzuno’s conversation with him. And notably in that conversation, the concept of the cycle of revenge is brought up, as well as Ohtaro clearly leaning towards accepting Suzuno’s request to stop fighting. So the vessels ONLY give Ohtaro that chance because they don’t want to continue perpetuating that cycle and they know Ohtaro is similarly willing to stop. The shogun similarly chooses to spare his life for those reasons. And again, Yabuta is specifically noted to care about/vouch for Ohtaro, because he’s similarly a “redeemed criminal”, which considering this route FOLLOWS the Entertainment District story, makes sense. Having been forgiven for the trouble HE recently caused, he’s paying that forward.
(I’m still bitter he’s so quick to doubt and try to kill off Kunitaka though).
I’m quite torn on how I feel about what went down in the past as revealed in this route. It’s a messy situation where no one party is entirely guilty... but nor are they innocent. The story certainly tries to frame Suzuno’s mother Setsu as an innocent victim... but at the same time I can’t help but feel she should have tried harder to compromise with the clan or convince them of her way. Hilariously Hibina was kind of right when he called her out for making a bunch of radical statements simply because she wanted to marry an outsider. It doesn’t help that I really don’t like the idea of her praying for a god’s help (basically magical intervention) to ensure she marries a guy she JUST MET. Is that not like... the fantasy version of drugging the guy? And she chose to do that at the expense of EVERY other relationship she had.
I do appreciate that there is very mild pushback to her decisions/actions in how Suzuno does things DIFFERENTLY. In the good ending, she DOES NOT abandon everyone for love - rather she does what her mother failed to do and convince both sides to come together.
There are SO MANY ways the tragedy could have been prevented. If Setsu tried harder to convince the clan; if Hibie hadn’t favored her so strongly; if Hibina hadn’t changed his mind; if the clan had been more open to change. And maybe that’s the point, that this was so preventable, but I’m left frustrated.
The situation is genuinely complicated and I can’t tell if the story is trying to lay the blame anywhere specific or if we’re meant to come out of it with our own interpretation. Personally I align most with Hibina; the gods never should have gotten so involved with humans. He only granted Setsu’s wish before because he was swayed by Hibie, who loved Setsu too much, so it’s tragic that him deciding to reaffirm his stance partially led to everything that happened.
It took me quite a while and I’m honestly still kind of iffy on the middle of this route, but I LOVE where Suzuno and Ohtaro’s relationship ends up. While I *personally* would not have been able to give Ohtaro the chances that she did (I don’t think I would have outed him, but I would have probably stood back and let him die when the Oniwaban ambushed him, reasoning it was for the best), their dynamic by the end is very much up my alley. I like that Suzuno is the one who is confident and in control, while Ohtaro is easily flustered. I like that while he’s not AS cheerful/energetic, it’s made pretty clear that the “act” he had been putting on all the time isn’t so far from his true personality, especially when it comes to his interactions with Suzuno. It means that even while he was trying to seduce her there was a kernel of truth to their early interactions and it has a nice “full circle” feeling.
It’s also quite amusing how prior to his route, she’d been so embarrassed at Ruriko and Tatsu being lovey-dovey in public and couldn’t understand it, yet more than any other route, she’s very open and public with her affections towards Ohtaro.
Finally, this route is clearly something of a “golden” route, and it’s one of the few examples of such that I like. Typically, golden routes try and quickly address and resolve the conflict of all the other routes, which feels rushed and also lessens the importance/impact of those routes. Here, while basically every character (except Hanzo oddly enough) from every route makes an appearance, the conflict is unique. Instead, the other conflicts are resolved by realizing that Ohtaro was behind the issues in every route (he outright mentions he was considering things like fusing Hibie to other powerful blightfall (Genjuro/Yoichi) or sealing Hibie in a cursed object (Tomonari)), so there’s no risk of those issues happening in this timeline now. Meanwhile every other route technically deals with Hibie but Ohtaro is still potentially a threat; it’s possible he’d give up on revenge with Hibie gone, since deep down he already wants to, but who knows whether he’d be able to take that step without Suzuno’s influence.
In terms of my feelings on the routes as a whole, from best to worst:
Ohtaro > Genjuro > Tomonari > Kunitaka > Yoichi > Kinji
My feelings on the romances/relationship with Suzuno:
Genjuro > Ohtaro > Kunitaka = Yoichi > Tomonari > Kinji
#otome#winter's wish#winter's wish: spirits of edo#tldr it's a good game! i like it quite a bit. definitely doesn't crack my top 5 but MAYBE my top 10?#i have a love/hate relationship with kunitaka's route in that i REALLY like some aspects but hate others#but other than that all the routes are solid even if kinji's doesn't work for me. he's probably the only one i'd never bother replaying#yoichi's route has a solid romance and i really like him as a character. but IMO the conflict/antagonist was not great#which is why he's placed where he is because i was overall more invested in kunitaka's route even despite the issues
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The Night Force (1982) #8
#love this art <3#I’m glad that we’re getting to see Jack and Vanessa interacting as a ‘couple’#I like the specification that Jack doesn’t just have to maintain the fiction that he loves her#but that the ‘evil’ inside of her is ‘waiting for me to make her mad’#so he’s really supposed to keep her happy and appease her all the time#and I like that despite that we’re seeing their personalities clash#outside of just him not really being interested while she’s really clingy#like with Jack encouraging Donovan to be angry with Baron Winters which Vanessa doesn’t want#and Jack saying that he hates happy endings while Vanessa seems charmed by the scene between Donovan and his son#gosh they’re so different… this marriage is gonna fall apart#I really don’t think this can work#I hope that they’ll return in the book and we’ll get to see where their relationship goes#also the Baron said Vanessa was cured but hmm I’m not convinced until I’ve seen her be angry and have nothing supernatural happen#dc#the night force#donovan caine#vanessa van helsing#jack gold#my posts#comic panels
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Toto and Spitz really do be blowing Winters cover this whole chapter. Might as well just wander around as Winter Moriarty with all the good those two are doin'. 🙄
I'm sorry Toto, I didn't quite catch that when you screamed for the whole world to hear. Can you say that one more time? 🤨👂
SPITZ, WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? THE INVESTIGATOR IS LITERALLY RIGHT BEHIND YOU! THAT'S HIS SHOULDER RIGHT THERE! YOU ALREADY SAID THEIR FULL FIRST NAME, NO POINT IN CORRECTING YOURSELF NOW!
Masterlist
#ron kamonohashi deranged detective#deranged detective#winter moriarty#deranged detective spoilers#ron kamonohashi forbidden deductions#ron kamonohashi deranged detective spoilers#spitz feier#totomaru isshiki#ron kamonohashi forbidden reasoning#ron kamonohash forbidden reasoning spoilers#ron kamonohashi forbidden deductions spoilers#i have a love hate relationship with my dear spitz#he's so stupid it hurts#and he's the best tracking instructor BLUE has#the school isn't in good hands#also surprised Winter hasn't smacked him yet with all the time they've spent together
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Making Sure: 12 Days of Smut #3 - Sex Pollen
Bucky Barnes x Reader One-Shot
Summary: Bucky is exposed to a sex pollen while the two of you are snowed in, stuck in a cabin in the Swiss Alps after finishing up a mission. Oh, and of course, you happen to be his ex-girlfriend.
Warnings: profanity, dubcon (sex pollen), possessive!Bucky, breeding kink, unprotected sex, mutual pining of sorts, some use of y/n, MINORS DNI, 18+!!!
Feel free to comment and let me know if this requires any other warnings.
Word Count: 4k
A/N: My laptop decided it didn't want to turn on today, and then when it finally turned on it didn't want to run any apps so 12 Days of Smut almost became 11 Days of Smut. But anyway, let me know if you guys like this one! For once, it doesn't involve anyone hating anyone or an obscene amount of unbearable tension (which I severely miss).
It’s not all that hard to work with your ex, not when you ended on decent terms. Well, as decent as they could have been. When Bucky broke up with you three months ago, it wasn’t completely out of the blue. You hadn’t been having any problems, you never had any fights, but you knew he was never as into the relationship as you were. He had said from the very beginning that he didn’t think he ever wanted a lifelong commitment. The majority of his life had been spent without having true freedom to make his own decisions. It’s safe to say the man only had about six years of making decisions for himself, between turning eighteen and joining the army. Then the army had a say in everything he did until he was taken by HYDRA. HYDRA controlled him for so long, and honestly, they still have some form of control over him if you consider his nightmares and insomnia issues. So, when things started to feel a little too serious between you two, when Bucky started to realize that he actually loved you, that’s when he called it off.
You’d both agreed to keep the relationship between yourselves, remaining professional at work and around the others. Even Sam had never figured it out. Bucky was so good at keeping it hidden, staying completely stoic unless he was positive you were both alone. When things ended between you two, he became stoic all the time. There have been a few times where you’ve felt a bit angry with how easily he can just shut himself off and pretend like you never had anything between you. You think you might’ve been in love with him. How can you be stoic around him when you loved him? You can’t be. So, instead of being stoic, you’re just a little more quiet than usual. You get your job done, you speak to him as professionally as you can, and then you get away from him.
Unfortunately though, there’s no getting away from him tonight. Technically, your mission is already over. You broke into HYDRA’s only remaining functional lab, you stole at least one sample of each of the various compounds that they were working on, and then you got the hell out of there. You made it all the way back to the safehouse, a small rustic cabin a little ways up in the Swiss Alps. It had been snowing for the last twenty-four hours that you’d been here, but the winter weather came to a head to today on your drive back from the break-in. By the time you got all of the samples safely inside the cabin, there was no way either of you could make the drive back down the mountain to reach the quinjet. You’re stuck here for the night.
“I want them kept at a pretty low temperature overnight, well below thirty degrees.” Bruce has been watching you over a video call as you’ve been cataloging the samples and packing them safely into a padded case. “It’d probably be best to leave them all in the trunk of the car, since it’s so cold out there.” Bucky’s sitting in the living area while you’re working at the kitchen table, but he’s still listening in. He’s listened for the last half hour as you labeled the samples and hummed a little Christmas tune to yourself. Truthfully, he almost forgot that Christmas is in a few days until he heard you humming that song that you love so much. What was it? He can never remember the name, but he recognizes it from last Christmas. You sang it often and he was lucky enough to still be yours then, to still get the privilege of listening to you flit around the tower so festively, infecting everyone around with your cheerful spirit.
“They all fit in the case except for one, but it should be fine. I’ll just stick it in the trunk next to the case and slip it into my bag tomorrow before we drive out.” You say, holding up the thin glass flask containing a very watery, clear liquid. It looks the least terrifying, out of all of the chemicals you retrieved from the lab today.
“Good work today, we’ll see you guys back here tomorrow, if the weather permits.” Bruce gives a little wave before ending the video call. Just as you’re closing the heavy black case of samples, Bucky rises from his seat on the couch and joins you in the kitchen.
“I’ll take them out.” He offers, staying a few feet away from you but at least making eye contact with you. He doesn’t seem to look at you very often since you broke up, but you can’t complain about it. It makes it a little easier to get over him when you’re not drowning in his blue eyes. You give him a curt nod before sliding the case across the table and then setting the sealed flask of clear liquid on top of it.
“Try not to jostle them around too much, carry it with two hands.”
“Got it, two hands.” Bucky repeats. You watch as he lifts the case, leaving the glass flask resting on the lid. You think about carrying the lone chemical out there in your own hands, worrying that Bucky might tip the case a little too far and let the flask fall to the ground outside, but you brush off the worry. He’s never been clumsy, and he sure as hell hasn’t ever been careless. It’ll be fine. It’s just a short walk from the front door to the back of the car.
In retrospect, you should’ve listened to your instincts.
When Bucky rushes in the front door only a minute after he’s stepped outside with the chemicals, a sickening feeling settles deep in your stomach. You quickly turn to the source of commotion as he slams the door shut behind him and starts nearly jogging across the cabin, heading straight for the bathroom at the end of the hall.
“Bucky? What happened?” You call out, your feet carrying you down the hall after him. Bucky strips off his coat, dropping it on the floor in the hall before throwing the bathroom door open and ripping off his shirt. He doesn’t even close the bathroom door. You step over his coat and come to a stop in the doorway as he leans down and turns on the shower.
“Stay back.” He warns, giving you a sideways glance that makes your stomach flip. “I slipped on a patch of ice and the little glass thing on top of the case fell and shattered. Whatever was in it evaporated quick, but I inhaled a lot of it. I don’t know if I got any on me.”
Shit. This is not good. Bucky starts unbuckling his belt, but stops himself after he gets it undone, finally turning and looking you straight in the eye. Right. You’re not together anymore.
“Only rinse, don’t use soap. We don’t know what the chemical was or what might interact with it.” You say, forcing your voice to sound calmer than you feel. Bucky nods, and then shuts the door between the two of you. Shit. You knew you should’ve carried that damn flask yourself.
---
Half an hour later, after Bucky’s finished showering and is resting on the couch per yours and Bruce’s orders, he begins to feel something. He wanted to go to bed, just sleep it off and see how he felt in the morning, but you and Bruce insisted that he stay in the living room and awake so you could monitor him for any weird signs or symptoms. You miss the first few symptoms that Bucky begins to feel. First, his heart rate began picking up. It was so miniscule at first that even he didn’t notice it, but it increased more and more until he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Then, even in the chilly little cabin with a near-blizzard raging outside, Bucky began to feel hot. Hot to the point of wanting to take off everything he was wearing and go lay in the snow. Now he sits on the couch, breathing a little quicker than he was earlier, with beads of sweat forming on the back of his neck. It’s his increased respiratory rate that you notice first. Then, as you begin looking him over from your far away seat at the kitchen table, you see the way his cheeks are flushed and the way his dark gray t-shirt is beginning to stick to the sweat coming off of his back. Shit. Whatever it was that he was exposed to, it sure as hell wasn’t nothing.
You’re just about to ask Bucky what he’s feeling when he abruptly stands from the couch and looks right at you, his gaze wild and pupils blown.
“Bucky—” You start, but he cuts you off in an instant.
“I don’t know what was in that flask, but I’ll be fine. I’m not going to sit out here all night.” Bucky’s trying to play it off. He has no fucking idea if he’ll actually be fine, but the newest physiological response his body is having to the chemical isn’t one he wants you to become aware of. He’s aroused. His cock is harder than it’s ever been, and he’d rather sleep outside on the icy road and get run over by Santa’s fucking sleigh then stay this close to you. He worries he won’t be able to control himself if he has to look at you one more time tonight, if he even hears another breath leave your lips, he’ll be done for.
“Bucky, tell me what you’re feeling.” You say softly, pushing your chair away from the table and standing, but not daring to move any closer to where he stands in the living room. He scrunches his eyes closed and presses his vibranium hand to the back of his neck in an attempt to cool the skin there.
“Y/n, I’m going to bed.” He sounds so frustrated. It’s a tone of voice you actually recognize. This is how he used to sound when you’d tease him at the worst times, when you were somewhere that restricted him from being able to touch you, to fuck you.
“Is it what I think it is?” You ask, your voice impossibly quieter than before. Bucky’s eyes snap open now and he studies you. Looking at you makes his dick throb and his balls feel so fucking full and heavy. He closes his eyes again as quickly as he opened them and then, you’re sure. It was a fucking sex pollen.
You don’t dare make a move to stop Bucky when he hurries down the hall and locks himself in his bedroom. You stand frozen in the kitchen for the next two minutes, trying to figure out what the hell you should be doing in a situation like this. You end up doing what you do best: researching. You sit yourself right back down at the table and open your laptop, quickly accessing the online archive of SHIELD research files. You type in every word you can possibly think of to find what you need. Luckily, the first article that pops up is exactly what you needed.
You skim through it at lightning speed, your eyes picking up on the important details. Heightened senses, increases sexual drive ten-fold, may result in permanent disability or death if state of intense arousal is not rectified. Shit, this is bad. You’re wondering how the hell one is supposed to rectify the intense arousal when your eyes land on the most key piece of information in the entire article. Human trials have revealed that allowed the specimen to engage in sexual intercourse is the only successful way to return to a normotensive physiological state.
You have to fuck. You have to convince him to have sex with you. You have to convince the man who broke up with you three months ago to have sex with you. You’ve suddenly decided that you fucking hate your job.
However, you’re not going to sit around while Bucky becomes permanently disabled or lets himself die of exposure to a damn HYDRA sex pollen. So, you slam your laptop shut and march right down the hall. You tap your knuckles against his bedroom door three times, until you hear the bed creak slightly, so you at least know he’s alive. He doesn’t make a single move to answer the door. He’s sitting on the side of the bed, his hands gripping the edge of the mattress so hard that it’ll probably never spring back into shape. His sense of hearing is heightened so much that he can hear every breath you take. He thinks he can even hear the sound of your eyelashes fluttering as you blink.
“Bucky, I did some research.” God, just the sound of your voice might be enough to make him cum in his sweats. Bucky bites his bottom lip and looks down at where his erection is fighting to escape the confines of his sweats. “If this is a sex pollen, which I think we both know it is, it can kill you. The only way to fix this is to…” Your voice trails off, but you don’t have to finish your sentence for Bucky to know what the solution is here. But he won’t ask that of you. He refuses to ask you to sleep with him. He knows he broke your heart three months ago, and he’d be the world’s biggest asshole if he used you for relief now. So, he stays silent. “We could…”
You can’t seem to finish any of your sentences. Why is it so hard for you to say we could fuck. Oh, right. Because you’ve missed the way he fucks for months. Because you know that if he wasn’t under the influence of this chemical right now, he sure as hell wouldn’t be turned on around you. You’d happily have sex with him right now, but he’d only be doing it because he has to do it to survive.
“I know I’m probably the last person that you’d want to be offering this, but I’m offering. I don’t want you to sit in there and die.” You say softly, your voice cracking a little bit on the final word. The last person he’d want to be offering this? Fuck, you have no idea how he really feels, do you? Bucky screws his eyes shut and fights back the urge to throw the door open and tell you how much he fucking loves you, how much he’s missed you. It’s why he broke up with you in the first place. What if something happened one day that turned him right back into the Winter Soldier? What if he ended up on ice again and by the time he came out of cryo, you were dead and gone? He had to break up with you, because he felt like his future was always too unclear to promise it to someone.
“I’m here, Bucky, if you need me.” You whisper, with your forehead pressed against the cool wood of the door. He can tell that you’re hurting for him. It’s why, against his rational mind, he finds himself crossing the room and tugging the door open. When he sees you standing there in the light of the hallway, he can hear that little Christmas tune that you love so much playing in his head. Fuck it.
You’ve barely had a second to realize that Bucky’s just opened the door for you before you feel his hand fist in your hair and he yanks you forward against his chest. His mouth captures yours in a heated kiss. Bucky sucks your bottom lip between his and wastes no time in using his hold on your hair to tilt your head to the side and slide his tongue into your mouth. You act on muscle memory, kissing him the same way you used to every single day. You let his tongue dance around your mouth, but when he begins to pull back you suck on it lightly, earning a groan from him. He tastes just like you remember, and suddenly you want him so badly that for all you know you could have some sex pollen coursing through your veins.
“The last person I’d want to be offering this?” Bucky rasps against your lips, briefly looking into your eyes as he repeats your words in question. “You’re the only person I’d want to be offering this.” He pulls on your hair again, tilting your head further to the side and sucking on the skin right below your ear. Your eyes close as you try to calm your racing heart, reminding yourself that as perfect as this might feel right now, it won’t last.
It takes mere seconds for Bucky to pull you into his room and practically throw you onto his bed. When he crawls over you a second later, it’s like he’s suddenly realized you both still have your clothes on. He stands back up beside the bed and strips quickly, exposing every bit of his fucking heavenly body to you. You don’t even try to choke back the whimper that leaves your lips. Bucky freezes when he hears it. He’s heard it before. He’s heard it in his dreams, ever since you broke up. It’s sort of funny. He never had dreams before, only nightmares. Until he broke up with you, and then he started having dreams about you every night. They’ve replaced nearly every nightmare. Instead of HYDRA being the reason he’s up at night, it’s all you.
You start shimmying out of your pants right there on the bed as you look at Bucky, too impatient to stand up and take everything off like he did. He strokes his cock slowly in one hand, but every time his palm glides over the tip he makes a face like he’s in pain. You know from your brief research that touching himself won’t give him an ounce of relief, it’ll only make things worse. So, once you have your pants off, you reach up and grab his wrist, stopping his stroking, and pulling him closer to the bed. He gets the hint and positions himself on top of you again, spreading your legs apart with his knee before settling between them.
“I’ve missed you.” Bucky coos against the side of your neck, right as you feel the head of his cock brushing against your clit through your already soaked panties. He didn’t mean to say it. He doesn’t want to make the break up any harder for you, but fuck. He’s missed having you under him like this, though in the past you never kept your panties and shirt on when you were under him.
“I’ve been right here.” You respond quietly, letting your hands coast down his sides until you feel the way his back muscles are rigid underneath your palms. He’s restraining himself. “Bucky, you don’t have to hold back.” He sighs deeply and grinds his cock against you, hard. It draws a moan from your lips that’s so needy, Bucky can’t wait any longer. He knows he’s only waited a minute at this point, but he just can’t anymore. He reaches down between the two of you and snags a finger in your panties, deftly pulling them to the side and guiding his cock straight into you without warning. The cry that escapes you isn’t one of pain or surprise, it’s one of pure lust. It might’ve been three months since the last time you had sex, but your body accepts his cock like it never left. There’s no pain, there’s only pleasure as he starts fucking into you slowly. He builds the pace up in mere seconds, speeding up more and more until he’s fucking you so hard and fast that the headboard is snapping against the wall and scratching the paint.
“God, you’re still so fucking tight for me.” He groans, burying himself balls deep inside you. He stays still for a moment, letting your pussy grip his cock like a vice.
“It’s still yours.” You whisper the words against his jawline. When his eyes snap open and stare straight into yours, you know you probably shouldn’t have said it. His pupils are already overly dilated, but they expand a little more as possessiveness flares in his chest. He always loved when you let him know who your pussy belonged to. He fucking loved it.
Wait. The realization hits you both at the same time. He isn’t wearing a condom. As he looks into your eyes, his face falls and your eyes widen. He never once fucked you without a condom on. It was part of his whole no-long-term-commitment thing. He didn’t want to risk an unintentional pregnancy, so he never let himself fuck you raw. When he starts to pull out, you’re quick to wrap your legs around him and lock him in place.
“Don’t.” You plead. You want this. You’ve always wanted this. Bucky bites his bottom lip and closes his eyes, trying to find a single rational thought in his mind. He knows he shouldn’t do this, he knows he should pull out and find a fucking condom. But will he?
The answer is no. He uses what little space you give him between your legs to start thrusting into you again, slower this time, but still every bit as deep as before.
“If you don’t let me pull out…” He starts, but you pull his face down to yours and silence him with a kiss. After a few seconds, he picks up his pace and begins fucking you relentlessly once again, further ruining the paintjob on the bedroom wall behind the headboard.
“I always wanted you to fuck me like this.” You sigh against his lips. You feel Bucky’s entire body tense up as he nears his release, your words egging him on.
“Oh, baby, I always wanted to fuck you like this.” He admits, snapping his hips into yours and getting you that much closer to the edge. As your orgasm threatens to tear through you, something weighs heavy on Bucky’s mind. He wants to cum inside you. He loves you but he’s always told himself he can’t have you, because his future is so unclear, he can’t make promises to you and possibly break them. But…he’s a good guy. If he were to knock you up, he’d do the right thing. The traditional thing. He’d marry you and take such good care of you, of the little family you’d have together. Maybe that’s what he should do. He thinks that maybe if he gets you pregnant right now, it would force him to give you his future, no matter how much it scares him. He’d be so much more concerned with doing the right thing in the present, rather than worrying about what might happen in the future. “Let me cum inside you.”
“You can, Bucky. You can cum inside me.” You moan out, locking your ankles together behind him and pulling him harder against you. He groans and presses another kiss to your lips, but a gentler one this time.
“You’ll have a baby for me.” He doesn’t even phrase it as a question, no, he’s telling you what you’ll do. “You’ll let me get you pregnant, and then you’ll be mine.”
“Fuck…” The curse falls from your lips as bliss surges through you. You can’t even find the words to say what you want to say, which is fuck yes. So, you lay there submissively, with your legs wrapped around him as he fucks every drop of cum that he has into you. Then, you catch your breath while he pulls his cock out of you and slides your panties back over your sore cunt. You even let him pile the pillows beneath your hips and legs, elevating your pelvis to make sure his cum won’t drip back out of you.
Fuck. He really wants to make sure you’re pregnant after this.
TAG LIST (if your user has a line through it, Tumblr wouldn't let me tag you):
@gyokujyn @mrsjoequinn @thealloveru2 @nixxaswrld @ordelixx @sweettae02 @frombkjar @hellfirebabe @edelweissbarnes @sunnyhummingbee @jenniferpendragon @siciliano13 @crist1216 @twlkdead
#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfiction#mcu#bucky barnes x you#marvel#bucky barnes#the winter soldier#winter soldier#12 days of smut
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baby, it's cold outside | joel miller
Summary | Patrolling with Joel is always easy, he's your friend after all, but when a snow storm forces you to stop halfway, you're both faced with feelings that you'd both rather ignore, but with nothing but time, talking about them is your only option.
Word Count | 4.2k
Pairing | Joel Miller x F!Reader
Warnings | Explicit 18+. A snow storm and a cabin with a nice, warm fireplace. Unspecified age gap. Explicit smut - unprotected PiV (don't do this, pls be smart), oral sex (F), size kink if you squint, dirty talk, two idiots who love each other, some negative feelings towards the holidays but nothing else I can think of!
Authors Note | A huge thank you to the wonderful @hellishjoel for setting the 12 days of Pedro up and asking me to take part - this was so much fun to put together and I hope you all love it as much as I do!
12 Days of Pedro Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Thank you to the wonderful @saradika for the divider!
Despite having lived in Wyoming for years now, the winters were still a surprise to you. Icy cold winds, frosted windows every morning, thick downfalls of snow almost daily and a struggle to get warm no matter how many layers you wore. Some would call it picturesque, and you suppose you could see it, everywhere you turned in Jackson at this time of year, even though it was against the backdrop of the end of the world, it looked like it could adorn the cover of any Christmas card or be the setting for any Christmas movie. It didn’t matter, because you hated it either way.
When the tree went up in the centre of town, and the lights got switched on, it only served to remind you how solitary you were. How you existed mainly entirely on your own. No family, barely any friends, always the talk of the gaggle of girls who would whisper to each other whenever you passed and start laughing to each other, or the boys who always wondered why instead of hanging around with people your own age, you opted to spend it alone, or with someone who was pushing sixty.
Because if there was a single person in this Godforsaken town that you could class as a friend, it was Joel Miller. Quiet, closed off, unapproachable until you chipped away at his hard exterior, just like you in so many ways, it was actually sickening really. You liked Joel, ever since Tommy had put you two together for patrols when Maria had given birth, it was like you’d found someone who finally understood your need to be alone.
Patrolling outside the walls gave you peace, let you leave your loneliness behind for a while, just you and the ground beneath your boots, the feeling that you were doing something wrong, were less of a person because of your lack of friends and relationships left behind at the gate. You’d proven yourself capable more than enough times for Tommy to realise you were an asset. You’d saved more than enough people with your good aim and quick trigger finger, been ruthless in getting rid of raiders who strayed too close to your safe haven, and he knew your need for solitude, which is why he trusted you on these longer routes, on the more complicated patrol rotations, the ones that would get you out of Jackson for a week.
You surmise that’s probably why he chose to pair you up with Joel. In the two years you’d patrolled together, you’d come to realise that he needed that solitude just as much as you did. A way to leave behind being a father at the gate and remind himself of exactly who he was before. Out here, walking side-by-side next to you, he wasn’t Ellie’s dad, he wasn’t the man who still woke up in cold sweats remembering the heavy weight of his dead daughter in his arms, or that man who had lost almost everyone he’d ever cared for along the way, he was just Joel. Joel, who was more comfortable cradling a rifle in his arms than he was his infant nephew. Joel, who preferred comfortable silence instead of filling the quiet with talk. Joel, who, even when you suspected he hated you at the start, would have protected you to the death no matter what.
You were similar, far more than you’d like to admit, and as the weeks and months had drawn on, and you’d moved into being more comfortable with each other, he really was one of those things you’d wanted for so long. A friend. Someone to rely on, someone to drink with at the end of a hard patrol route, someone who made sure you ate when it was the last thing on your mind, someone who fixed the hole in your roof and put new planks of wood on your porch when you almost fell through it one day, someone who confided in you about how hard he found being a parent again, someone who opened up to you when things started to sour with Ellie. A friend.
He was also someone, in the last six months, that you suspected wanted to be more than your friend. It had started small, with things any good friend would do. He would offer you his arm when you walked during the winter so you wouldn’t slip, started packing double lunch so he knew you’d eat when you’d go out together, but then it was the hand on the small of your back through town, or the way he’d sit close to you in the bar, knees knocking against yours just so he could put a hand on your knee to apologise for getting too close.
And it’s not like you didn’t see that in him either. For a man who was almost sixty, he was incredibly handsome, able to do unspeakable things on patrol that neither of you would talk about to anyone else, strong in a way you didn’t think you’d ever seen before. Sure, his hearing was shot in one ear, his middle soft with age, and his hair and beard peppered with grey hair, but Joel Miller was a sight.
But, what if you’d read his signals wrong? What if his kindness and that warm hand on your knee was just him being a Southern gentleman? You throw yourself at him and he doesn’t feel the same, what happens then? You lose one of the very few friends you’ve ever had, and that’s somehow worse than knowing you’ll never know what the feel of his skin is like under your touch or what it sounds like when he moans your name for you.
The patrol route is brutal this day, wind and snow making it hard to see anything in front of you. You and Joel had to shout loudly to each other in order to hear anything, so when you stumble across the cabin, halfway through the route, you both decide that it’s best to head inside, get warm and wait out the worst of the storm before carrying on. Safer that way, is what Joel said, but you think it’s got more to do with the cold on his joints than the safety. Even at your younger age, your bones were certainly aching.
The wind whips a flurry of snow into the abandoned cabin when Joel pushes the door open, ushering you inside quickly, shutting the door quickly behind the two of you before more snow can follow you in. He sets his rifle down near the door and his backpack on the worn, moth-eaten couch, kneeling in front of the fireplace.
This particular cabin is a regular stop on this patrol route, an agreement between the residents of Jackson who frequent it to keep it stocked with firewood during the cold season. You silently note to thank whoever had patrolled before you for stacking the fireplace so all Joel really needs to do is set fire to the scrunched paper dotted through the wood to get the warmth of the fire flooding the small front room.
“Reckon we’re here for the long run,” Joel grumbles, holding flat palms up to the flames to warm his hands, “Ain’t no way we’re walking anywhere in that.”
And he’s right, the light of the day is fading fast and even in daylight, the blizzard had been a nightmare to traverse. It’s not like you’re wanting to rush back though, you sometimes wish you could pack everything up and come out here for good, live in your solitude until the end of your days, but for now, just a few more nights away from the place that reminds you just how alone you are will do.
You settle down on the couch, trying to burrow further into the coat around your body, not bothering to take your gloves or your hat off until the flames of the fire are stronger.
“Come sit closer,” Joel murmurs, motioning with his hand for you to sit on the floor next to him, “Warm up a little.”
You slip down from the couch and scoot along the floor until you’re sat next to him. Joel reaches over and takes hold of your wrist, gently pulling off your glove, “They’re damp,” He states, reaching for your other hand to do the same, “Take your coat off too, you’ll get a chill otherwise.”
Working to unzip the front to pull it off, whilst Joel throws an extra few pieces of wood on the fire, you settle a little bit closer to the flames, feeling the warmth start to seep through your other layers. He stands, taking your coat and his, hanging them on either end of the fireplace to dry out a little, then he sits back down next to you, although a little closer than he had been before, so close that you can feel the heat of his body next to you.
You take a moment to steal a look up at him, his body larger than yours, towering a little next to you, but in the glow of the flames he’s fucking breathtaking. You get lost in tracing his jaw and the hook of his nose with your eyes that he’s turning his head to face you before you can turn away from him. He catches you with that small smile that is saved only for his family normally, Ellie, Tommy, sometimes Maria, and now, more often, you. So you smile back at him, let the warmth lick through your body, and before you realise it, he’s leaning his, broad shoulders bumping yours as his face gets closer, and God, it would be so easy to let him do it, move your face towards him, press your lips to his and burn it all to hell, but as he inches closer, that pit is opening in your stomach, bubbling anxiety and dread, so as he inches closer, you have to stop him.
You bring one of your fingers up to press against his lips gently, watching as he purses them against your touch a little, but then his eyes open when you speak, so softly, so quietly that he almost missed your plea, “Please don’t.”
It’s like you’ve burnt him with the way he not only drags his face from you, but his whole body, putting so much distance between the two of you that you almost cry. He clears his throat, running his hand over his face, “Right,” He mumbles, “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologise,” You insist, not meeting his eyes though, “You don’t need to be sorry.”
“Stupid of me,” He shakes his head, “Just thought-” He sucks in a breath and pushes it out on a sigh, “Thought maybe you’d feel the same, but it was stupid.”
“It wasn’t stupid, Joel,” You sigh, finally turning to him, “It’s okay.”
“Makes sense,” He shrugs, eyes boring holes into the flames in front of you, “I’m old, too old for you to want me.”
“It has nothing to do with you being too old for me Joel, I couldn’t give less of a fuck about that.”
You expect him to drop it, like he often does with these kinds of conversation, the ones that involve feelings, but he doesn’t.
“Then what is it?”
“Well, it has nothing to do with your grey hairs or your creaky fucking knees, that’s for sure.”
He’s looking at you with a look that says to get fucked, hurry up, tell him the real reason for all this.
“I could be shit in bed for all you know.”
“Well that’s easy to rectify, just need a little practice.”
It makes you snort, “Can we be fucking serious for a minute, Miller?”
“You’re the one who said it first.”
“What happens when it goes tits up?” You ask, “When you get bored of me, or realise I’m not what you thought I was, what happens then?” He opens his mouth to respond to you, but you beat him to it, “I lose my best friend, that’s what happens, the only person in this Godforsaken world that I have, and I don’t want that, I don’t want a world where I’m without you.”
“Who says it’s going to go tits up?” He counters, “Baby, I’m old, I ain’t gonna go running off, I just want somethin’ good, somethin’ happy, and I want that with you,” Just like you had done before, he starts talking again before you can add something, “Put your faith in somethin’, darlin’,” He’s moving back towards you now, shifting closer, “Put your faith in, me.”
It sounds so easy when he says it like that, because you had once before, without even realising. Let him in, let him get close, to know everything you’d been through, share everything he’d been through. You let him sit with you late at night in the summer, strumming his guitar on your porch, he lets you share his whiskey when you need it.
“I’m still gonna be your best friend,” He urges, that warm palm resting on your knee, “That ain’t gonna change, we’re just gonna add to it.”
And for some reason, it snaps, all of your good judgement and everything that was holding you back. His face is cradled in your palms before you know it, your body straddling his lap as your mouth slants over his, a surprised gasp swallowed by your mouth as his lips open against yours, his hands coming to rest on the globes of your ass through your jeans, pulling you closer, chest flush to chest as you soak this in.
Hands dropping to the collar of his shirt, you start to slowly unbutton it, mouth still against his, tongue tasting him as your fingers push button after button through their holes until you can push it from his shoulders, drag his arms from it, drag his undershirt from it’s place tucked into his jeans.
Joel gasps when your hands make contact with the skin under it, fingers still slightly icy from the cold, but that too is swallowed by your mouth, as is the moan that drags from your throat when he bucks his hips into yours.
He pulls away from your lips, forehead pressed to yours as you both breathe deeply, “Don’t seem shit in bed so far.” He chuckles.
“I was fucking with you Joel,” You smile, punctuating it with a roll of your hips into his, “I’m a delight in bed.”
“Prove it.”
“Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“This is the floor Joel,” Which earns you a squeeze to your ass, “I’ve never fucked someone on the floor before.”
Before you know what’s happening, he’s flipped you over, your back pressed to the dusty wooden floor, his body looming over yours, fingers picking the button of your jeans apart, pulling the zipper down, fingers hooking into the waistband of your jeans, pulling them down your legs, underwear along with them too, before they’re thrown behind him somewhere, forgotten as he parts your knees, legs spread, exposed to him, and you think you might die from the way he looks at you. You bury your head into your shoulder, trying to escape his gaze as he drags his thumb along your folds, growling when he feels how wet you are just from his mouth on yours.
You’re vaguely aware of the sounds of his feet hitting one of the armchairs behind him as he lowers his chest to the floor, hands pulling at your hips, your back dragging across the wooden floor as his mouth presses a single, feather-light kiss to your clit. The smallest of touches to your body has your back arching into him.
How long has it been? Not since you fucked someone, because in the grand scheme of things that hasn’t been too long. No, how long has it been since someone actually made you feel good? Years, you think. Too long. Too long since sex was anything more than just stress relief, pressed against the brick wall by the Tipsy Bison, letting someone fuck you so you could feel something, giving them the bragging rights of fucking the town outcast in return.
This is different. So different. Joel is slow with it, parting you in front of his face with his thumbs, tongue swirling through the slick you’re not even embarrassed about now, tasting you, drinking you in, before he drags his perfect mouth up, lapping gently at your clit with the tip of his tongue.
“Taste so fuckin’ good for me, baby.” He coos against your skin, his praise making you preen, hips chasing the feeling of his mouth on you, he chuckles at your desperation, “How long’s it been since someone made you feel good, huh?”
Your fingers tangle in the curls on his head, dragging him back down to your cunt to silence him, “Too long.” Is all you offer as he feasts on you.
Tongue swirling, lips suckling, fingers digging into the skin of your hips, dragging you slowly but surely to the edge, the fire in your blood no match for the fire against your skin. He’s fucking good at this, knows exactly how to listen to your moans, the way you pull at his hair when he does something you like, collecting the little gasps and hip movements until he’s working a pattern on your pussy that makes you feeling like you’re going to explode, combust, maybe even die a little.
“Don’t stop,” You urge, breathless, sheen of sweat settling across what skin of yours is exposed to the flames near to you, “Gonna - fuck Joel - gonna cum.”
That’s when he pushes two of his fingers into you. Hooking them up inside of your cunt, your legs dropping open further than you thought possible as he works you and works you. You’ve gone quiet, letting out only short breathes when holding them in makes your head light, fingers so tight in his hair that you think it’s probably hurting.
Then, you think you find God, right there on the dirty, dusty floor, when the coil snaps inside of you. Your back arches off the floor, thighs clenched around Joel’s head as his tongue continues the flicks against your clit, ignoring the high-pitches whines of too much, Joel listening instead to the movement of your legs, the way your entire body convulses until you truly are spent for him.
Joel pushes himself up onto his knees, dragging his undershirt over his head, pulling his belt through its loops as you’re sitting up, dragging the upper portion of your clothes off, naked on the floor for him, the flames from the fire keeping you warm, even if your nipples do pebble and peak against the cold.
“Fuckin’ hell,” Joel breathes out as your hand settles on your pussy, fingers dragging through the slick to lazily move over your clit, “I wish you could see yourself right now, baby,” He crones, pushing down his jeans, cock springing free, immediately clasped in his fist, movements slow as he watches you touch yourself, “Pretty as a fuckin’ picture.”
His body falls forward, coverings yours, but this isn’t what you want. Hand on his chest, you’re pushing him back, “Wanna ride you, Joel.” You whine.
Like a kid on Christmas, he’s on his back in seconds, jeans and underwear pooled around his ankles because if you’re not sinking down on him in the next few seconds, he’s going to scream. You settle your thighs on either side of his hips, his cock, heavy and throbbing against his stomach. He’s watching you, as you take the base of him in your hand, line him up with that aching core of yours, head notching into you, where you just keep him for a moment, let him stretch you as you ground yourself with palms on his chest, sinking down, inch by inch until he’s fully buried inside you, warmth wrapping around him, just like the warmth from the fire against his skin.
You start moving your hips, his cock so deep in you he swears if he put a palm on your lower belly, he’d feel himself through your skin with the way you’re grinding against him, head thrown back, mouth dropped open. He wishes he could take a photo of this. He doesn’t think he’s seen a nicer sight in his life.
“It’s a lot, ain’t it baby?” He coos, hands on your hips, guiding your movements, he knows he’s big, been told enough times through his life, but the way you’re slow, getting used to him inside him, has him on the verge of spilling inside you already.
“So big, Joel.” You whine, leaning back now, hands on his knees which have moved up, his feet planted on the floor now, and God alive, if he thought you were a sight before, you’re a fucking masterpiece now as you start bouncing on his cock.
He can’t help himself, he is only a man after all, his hands trailing up the curves of your side, taking hold of your tits, rolling your nipples between his fingers, listening to the way you sing for him. Somehow, he finds core strength from somewhere, pushes himself up, one hand behind him to prop him where he is, as his mouth sucks a nipple into his mouth, rolling that pebbled peak with his tongue, your arm wrapping around his shoulders to steady yourself against him, hips still working against his, finger tangling in the curls near his neck, keeping his mouth anchored right where it is.
Joel pulls off you, a wet smack from his lips as he looks up at you with those beautiful brown orbs, “Feel so fuckin’ good, baby,” He praises, “So tight around me, like you were made for me.”
“Wanna feel you,” You moan, head dropping against his shoulder, “Wanna feel you come for me.”
He’s wrapping his arms around your back, dragging you down with him as he rests himself back on the floor, your chest pressed to his as he finally takes control. Feet planted on the floor with your teeth digging into his shoulders, he fucks up into you, the cabin filled with nothing but breathy moans and a lewd smack of skin as he pounds himself into you. In an ideal world he’d focus on making you come again, feeling you clench around his cock as you fall apart would be incredible, but he thinks there will be time for that later.
He’s so fucking close, you can feel it, the way his fingers are gripping t every inch of skin they can reach, the way his hips are faltering and how your name is more of a feature on his lips. You let out a surprise squeal as he flips you both, your back now to the ground as his cock slips out of you, his fist replacing the wet heat of your cunt as the warmth of his cum splashes across your lower belly, a howl, not unlike an animal, falling from his mouth as he paints you, claims you as his own with those ropes of cum across your skin.
When all is said and done, and he’s taken in the sight of your skin splashed with his spend, the two of you lying in front of the fire, one blanket dragged from the bed on the floor to soften the harsh wood, another pooled around both your hips, this feels like home. Both you and Joel, led on your side, watching each other, and the flickering light of the fire bathes you both in orange, in warmth.
His hand traces your face, thumb dragging across your bottom lip as he leans in to kiss you. Hours later, with harsh wind and snow still swirling outside, he brushes a thumb across your nipple, your hand reaching down between you to find him hard again. He puts you on your back this time, creaky knees be damned, slides his cock into your aching cunt once more, fucks you slowly, the entirety of his weight pressed against you. That orange glow almost convincing you that this was before, when things were normal, romantic even, as his lips leaves tiny bruises across your skin.
When he’s marked you once more as his, cum splashed from your pussy to your tits, he lies back down, the broad expanse of his back to the dying embers of the fire, your back pressed to his front, his arm snaked under your neck, urging you to sleep, and as you drift off, Joel’s hot breath against the skin of your ear, his other arm draped loosely over your waist, you pray that the snow is just as bad in the morning, because if it were possible, you want to return even less now, want to remain huddled next to Joel, on the floor, for the rest of your life.
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