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#i gave a long post about a personal issue. even if there was no proper reason - people are allowed to hate or not enjoy a piece of media

fuglyhorses · 6 months

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Followed your blog a few years back even though it wasn't active because I absolutely love it and have gone through it more than once. It was an awesome surprise to see you posting again! In celebration I now have a personal breeding story to tell you.

Some background is that when I got back into horses in 2019 turns out I made the wrong choice on who to go to, but I fell in love with a horse there and now can't leave her, so to cope I like to tell anyone who might be interested about the shit show I am experiencing.

The owner/trainer of the barn was given a horse that had originated from some hunter/jumper barn where they had ridden her over huge jumps at 4 years old and very clearly handled her harshly. When she didn't stay sound and developed behavioral problems they dumped her at a YMCA camp and some people who work there then gave her to the trainer. She tried to put her back in work but she was eventually deemed "unridable". She has behavior problems both in and out of saddle, she would be very difficult to lead, and just bomb through gates and in and out of stalls, she will also be fine for a long time then one day suddenly bite very hard. I'm absolutely sure most of this is due to pain or past pain. Besides having been ridden hard as a youngster she also has a tragic back end. I'm hoping I'm describing this correctly but she basically has no croup. Her topline is just flat from the end of her withers to her tail. Because of this she almost always cross canters behind. So, my trainer has a youngish, unridable, horse with big movement but problematic conformation, behavioral problems, and some kind of pain that prevents her from being truly sound. So what does she decide to do? Breed her of course! For you see, although she has no paperwork, she *supposedly* has warmblood in her! Actual warmblood, perhaps holsteiner or something similar. She apparently is registered with the "american warmblood association" which I know you know means nothing. The horse I ride could also be called an """american warmblood"" and I love her with all my heart but she is literally just a draft cross. So this means she must be a great sperm receptacle, because that's all mares are right? They aren't literally half the DNA of the foal right? Luckily the first year she tried it didn't take, if only the story ended there. Now, this was something that my trainer "always wanted to do" and I am relatively understanding to someone who in their whole horse career wants to have one home bred foal, the market is insane and it is a unique experience and sometimes they are very attached to the mare etc etc. Not something I encourage but I don't think you are the absolute worst if you do this. This is not actuall what my trainers ambition wound up being though. Fast forward to 2022 and the trainer's friend has decided she wants to breed her completely average thoroughbred mare, with no accomplishments to speak of, and picks out a different stallion than the one my trainer had already tried. He is a Westphalian stallion and he is Cremello! Because she wants a buckskin! So trainer's horse and friend's horse get sent down to this guy. In the meantime, trainer's riding horse, an OTTB, is having training problems (doesn't like jumping down into water, which is required in the higher eventing levels) and is not staying sound. So what does she decide to do with her? Breed her as well! Because soundness issues can never be genetic.

So this person who has never worked with baby horses has decided to have two for their very first time. AI doesn't take with OTTB so she gets sent down to the Westphalian too. All three horses do get successfully pregnant. Keep in mind this is a small barn that is already wildly overcrowded, with generally unsafe conditions and no proper unused area for babies and moms to live. Fast forward again almost a year and babies are born a couple months apart, trainer goes out of town both times literally as the mares are about to pop. "Warmblood" mare waits until she gets back but OTTB gives birth literally the day she goes out of the country for two weeks with a tween watching her farm. I also happened to be there when she gave birth which was a very cool experience but still ridiculous. "Warmblood" mare is a good mother, but as you may remember is not actually that easy to handle, which can make it also difficult to handle the baby. OTTB is good with people but aggressive towards the baby especially around food. (Just of a side note both came out Palamino) So since, completely unpredictably, they are having trouble working with the "Warmblood"'s baby because of the mom they decide to wean him at THREE MONTHS. Even the industry standard of 4-6 months has come into question lately because of the evidence of how bad it is for horses. OTTB weans at between 4-5 months because of the aggression towards the baby. "Warmblood" gets sent back to the same stallion almost as soon as the foal is weaned, and OTTB is given AI while the foal is still with her because apparently we have decided we are a breeder now and need to have foals every year! Luckily, neither of them take ( and we get to hear about "Wasted money" ) probably partially because the mares aren't in amazing condition, as they have not been getting unlimited food and even often run out of water because the owner and the kids feeding just forget to fill up buckets. 😊 Now Westphalian is not as strict as other warmblood registries, but they are an actual breed and they do have one, which means inspection. Somehow, it winds up actually being hosted at our barn. When I tell you how ridiculously embarrassing it is to have someone come all the way from Germany to this absolute hole of a barn. When the "Warmblood" mare gets inspected they mention her unfortunate hip anatomy, and also ask why the hell the foal was weaned already. Everyone passes though, not the highest grade but still registered and the foals get their brands and everyone gets their DNA tested. While this is happening the American from the registry actually says something to my trainer about how the "Warmblood's" conformation is going to be a problem in future breeding. After they have left trainer asks "Wait were they saying not to breed "warmblood"? But why if her foal was fine?" First yes, yes that is exactly what they were saying, second it is only by pure chance her foal didn't inherit that butt, you can't pick a choose what the foal gets no matter how fancy of sperm you buy. They proceed to say they were a little snobby even though they were way nicer than they needed to be. Also they wouldn't brand the wood in the barn which I thought was hilarious. Trainer decides AFTER the inspection to finally actually get "warmblood"'s papers? So now both mare's are just sitting and foals go out together with one halflinger in a tiny mud pit. "Warmblood's" foal has started showing some behavioral problems. I haven't had trouble, he basically just has a constant grumpy face, but he has bitten and tried kicking other people. This obviously could never have been predicted when you knew his mother had problems and then weaned him incredibly early emotionally stunting him! He's going to be a big fucker too. OTTB's foal is an angel but loose with those back legs lol. There is someone who really wants her who used to ride at this barn and rode her mother, then moved to a better barn and I hope she gets to have her because she will spoil her and give her a good life.

They both have big ole worm bellies too! Because the manure management is non existent in the pastures and they didn't get wormed at all until this week (maybe). I'm attaching pictures of the "warmblood" mare so you can see what I mean about her hind end. I actually like her a lot and wish I could help her. I hope you "enjoyed" this story, it has been painful for me to live through. I just thought it exemplified so many things this blog is all about. Good to see you back and I hope you're doing well!!!

Oh I was not prepared for the pictures. That's... not good. Thank you for being sensible and reporting back from hell on earth.

#roach back #so much sympathy for those poor germans #something freaky going on with her hip too i'm not surprised her back end movement is weird #toplines so bad they're arguably deformities. this should be a pasture pet absolutely not breeding stock

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spicedrobot · 5 months

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what was lost, what was gained Ch. 2

A continuation of my amnesia maul fic. I'm also posting this on ao3 if any would prefer to read there! thanks @bluedaddysgirl for the original ask and @withercrown for the beta. 💕

Cody left the medbay. The general had the situation under control, and there was always another fire to put out in the 212th. By the time he made the long trip back to the central command, he had only managed to loosen his jaw.

Shake it off. Focus.

He acknowledged the troopers on duty and got to work. There was a small mountain of reports to get to, so he handled the most egregious ones first. Then he signed off on some requisition orders, adjusted the schedules of a few troopers, beefing up security. They hadn’t planned for a Sith prisoner, after all. If General Kenobi mentioned it later, Cody would be sure to press the issue.

Even if the general trusted Maul’s supposed amnesia, change of heart— whatever—it didn’t mean that it would last. They needed to be smart about this, and Cody didn’t have the Force to guide him. He only had his training and, barring that, his gut, which still hadn’t settled.

If this was the final straw that gave him an ulcer and he got reassigned to security detail like Commander Fox, he would throw himself out of the nearest airlock.

He surveyed the rations and supplies for the voyage to Coruscant. The trip wasn’t planned, but it was also the only good thing that had come out of the Sith’s presence. It gave the 212th a welcome reprieve from battle. The deployments had only grown in length and intensity these last few months, and though he and his men were proud and battle-hardened, they wore down the same as any soldier.

As he finished his review, his wrist comm pinged. Even through the hazy banding of the holo, the general still managed to look exhausted.

“Commander Cody, please send someone to fetch my datapads and bring them to cell 202 in block two. I will be rooming here for the remainder of our voyage to Coruscant.”

Two-oh-two. The cell across from Maul’s. Cody frowned under his helmet.

“General. If I may speak plainly…” General Kenobi nodded. “You’re exhausted, sir. Surely you would sleep better in your own quarters.” He saw fight in the general’s expression and pressed on anyway. “I’ve added a few troopers to security detail, and I’ll personally oversee the prisoner while you rest.”

The general ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his forehead. It was a mess. All of him was a mess, actually.

“I would be asking too much—”

“—you wouldn’t.” And even if you did, I would do it anyway. “Would I lie to you, sir?”

General Kenobi seemed to perk up at that, smiled a small, unguarded smile, short-lived though it was.

“No, you wouldn’t,” the general replied. Against his better judgment, Cody felt his own lips twitch upward.

“I’ll be there in five, general.”

“Of course. Thank you, Cody.”

Cody pulled up a chair in front of cell 203. He wasn’t planning on relinquishing his post until the general had gotten proper rest. That meant letting him sleep past the beginning of his next shift. For all that General Kenobi stretched and skirted rules… Well, two could play that game. It would be good for him. Besides, the Sith was more or less inert—as much as that was even possible.

In the cell, secured behind two levels of ray shield, Maul was lounging on his cot. He dragged a clawed forefinger along the metal band on his neck. So the general wasn’t as trusting as Cody had thought… or maybe the Force-nullifying collar was for everyone else’s peace of mind, rather than his own.

Sssrk. Sssrk. Sssrk. Keratin on metal, just loud enough to hear over the hum of the shields. It was, of course, irritating. Cody almost adjusted his helmet’s adaptive sound parameters, but decided against it. He didn’t want the Sith to know that it bothered him.

Even without the Force, Maul still looked as relaxed as he did when the general had handled him. Half-reclined on his cot, metal legs splayed, head propped against the durasteel wall. He didn’t acknowledge Cody in the slightest. His eyes were cast downward, a dark gaze through darker lashes.

Cody pulled up Maul’s medical report on his datapad. It wasn’t as useful as he had hoped. A few blaster burns, several lightsaber wounds… including a stab through the shoulder. The general had checked that injury so fastidiously during his examination. Why? Had he felt guilty? The Sith wouldn’t have thought twice about killing him… or his entire squadron, for that matter.

The headache that had begun in the medbay bloomed behind Cody’s eyes. He continued to read.

Sssrk. Sssrk. Sssrk. There was slight cranial trauma, but it didn’t seem like the kind of injury that would cause amnesia. Though their knowledge on this race of zabrak was limited. Few of them ever left Dathomir, and their people were a secretive bunch.

Sssssrk. Sssssrk. Sssssrk. Cody looked up without raising his head, watching the Sith through his visor. The scratching had slowed, elongated, dragging from one side of his neck to the other. The motion looked unnervingly like cutting a throat. Just how sharp were his claws?

“If you break your collar, I’ll be forced to sedate you. Or worse,” Cody warned.

Maul didn’t stop immediately, finishing the motion before the block fell silent. He looked up at Cody then. Cody stared back. The Sith was a frightening figure, even in repose. Cody couldn’t imagine what he looked like normally, yellow eyes drowned in red and black, saberstaff arcing and blazing, singing for blood. The general could kill as easily as breathing. If a Jedi could do that, what was a Sith’s capacity for violence?

“Commander… Cody, was it?” Maul asked. He drew himself up, sitting back against the wall. “I hope you will excuse my… hesitance during your medic’s initial examination attempts. As you know, I was not in my right mind.”

Cody wanted to laugh. “And are you in it now? Your right mind?”

The man’s frown was slight, soft. “No, I suppose not. But I am no longer acutely disoriented.” Maul touched his own face, a seemingly absent gesture. Thumb followed forefinger over chin. He blinked. Caught Cody’s gaze again. The shift was abrupt, the attention intense.

“Would you remove your helmet, Commander?”

Cody bristled. “Why?”

“Let’s call it curiosity.” The way he dragged out the last word, rolling it along his tongue, made Cody’s skin crawl.

Fear. It was a healthy response, but it angered Cody anyway. He took a long breath. Focused. Maul couldn’t hurt him. He also had to watch the Sith for several more hours. What was the harm in humoring his request?

Cody took off his helmet. He met Maul’s gaze head on.

“Hm. Another clone,” Maul said. He looked away, as if he’d seen everything there was to see. “Though you have a fine scar. Attractive, among my people."

The insult was expected. The compliment was not. What was Maul playing at?

“Thanks,” Cody murmured, wary. “It’s attractive to humans, too.”

Maul smirked. A sharp, mean expression. “Is it now…” he trailed off, as if lost in thought. But his lips remained upturned, as if he was enjoying some amusing joke all to himself. Cody wasn’t about to ask after it.

Exhaustion, when it caught up to the Sith, was sudden. Cody had only just returned his attention to his datapad when he noticed Maul had fallen asleep. The Sith didn’t even have the chance to lay down. It looked like an uncomfortable position.

Cody didn’t wake him.

“Commander,” General Kenobi said. His voice was carefully pleasant. He was annoyed.

Cody kept his own expression neutral. “Sir?”

The general approached. His inner robe was neatly tucked, but the collar of his outer was folded under itself on one side. His hair was still a mess. His complexion was ruddier than normal.

“It seems I’ve overslept…” He ran his fingers through his hair, as if only realizing its current state. “I was so tired, in fact, I seemed to have forgotten to set my alarms.”

Cody fought the urge to smile. “It was no problem, general. Nothing unusual to report in your absence.”

General Kenobi sighed. “I know it was you, Cody.” The ire in his voice softened. “I appreciate your concern, but there are schedules for a reason.”

“Of course, sir. I won’t adjust your chronos again.”

I’ll just have Gregor do it.

“You know I can tell when you’re being facetious. You’re very bad at hiding it.” The general crossed his arms, but his own facade was broken. He shook his head, and then he smiled. It was one of those looks that made Cody feel like he was watching the sun break through the clouds on Kamino. “Thank you, Cody. It was nice getting a full night’s sleep for once.”

He touched Cody’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. Cody could hardly feel it through the armor, but that didn’t matter.

“Of course, sir. Anytime,” Cody replied. They both smiled, sharing that small, short-lived peace. No enemy to fight, no problem to fix. Not in that moment.

Maul watched them through his eyelashes, feigning sleep. He did not smile, but he did experience a sort of strange pleasure from the sight before him, knowing not where the cruel glee from within had manifested.

Next chapter ->

#fics #obimaul #maulobi #wwlwwg #star wars #darth maul #obi-wan kenobi #commander cody

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noteguk · 1 year

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how things have been and where do we go from here: a very needed and overdue update

Hello, everyone! A few hours ago I made my first post in a little over a year on this blog. The way I left was very abrupt and I pretty much ghosted everyone, so this is a post explaining why that happened and what are my plans moving forward. I’ll be as honest as I can and, before the cut, there is a shortened version of events and a quick Q&A of the things most people care about. If you don’t wanna read any more than that, it’s totally fine!

So, to keep things simple: a lot of things happened at once and, combining with a growing dissatisfaction with my writing, I just… deleted tumblr off my phone and decided to give myself a few months off. But one thing led to another, I had a few too many personal tragedies, med school got the best of me (which I finished last month, yay!) and I didn’t come back. Simple as that: life got in the way.

I tried to write here and there, but I was completely burned out and nothing came out properly. What was once an escape to me turned into something I was forcing myself to do and, along with my distancing from the fandom and BTS as a whole, I just didn’t have any inspiration. Hopefully that cloud has passed now. So here are my plans for this blog as of now.

Bad Influence Series: as previously stated, bad karma is the last part of the ongoing series timeline. I promised a final epilogue and that’s something that I’ll try my best to deliver, since so many people have devoted themselves to this couple. Being very frank, it’s not amongst my plans to post any more drabbles after that. And I’ll try to post a new work before I come back to BI.

Other stories: I came back with the prime intention to write again, but I must say it will not be as frequent as it used to be — not only for time management reasons, but because I don’t wanna burn myself out. I’ll take things slowly and try to focus more on shorter stories (so no more series for now), intercalating that with bigger ones. By the time I left I was pretty much posting 5k+ fics every week, which will not happen again (I don’t even have the brain for that honestly lmao)

Is this a definite return? Well… I don’t know. This is a risky attempt at most, honestly. I’ll try my best and I’ll start writing again, but there’s always a chance that this phase has passed for me and nothing will come out of this. Regardless, even if that is the case, I won’t vanish like last time, and I’ll make a proper goodbye post. I miss and love this community very much and I admit I’m shameful of the way I left. This blog has been a home to me and you guys have turned into such good friends, I really miss it all!

For those who want to know the details, read below the cut. For those who don’t, thank you for coming this far and thank you for still caring about my silly little blog. You guys have supported me through it all and I’m extremely thankful for it.

If I were to make a list of everything that happened this last year, we’d stay here for a very long time. Around the time that I left, things have started getting really complicated on my personal sphere: I started working on my closing thesis for med school, started my last year of it, had a huge falling out with my best friend and lost someone I loved very much. All that combined with my previously stated frustration with writing, plus my decaying mental health, it wasn’t surprising looking back that I freaked out and left the way I did.

My main issue with writing was something that hasn’t really changed, that’s why I’m hesitant to claim this as a comeback: I started feeling really weird about writing about real people. That has never been an issue before, and it’s not a moral attack against writers here or anything like that. I just started feeling strange about it, and I couldn’t shake that feeling off. Maybe it was just a side effect of being burned out, because it wasn’t as if OCs or anime stories were coming out any easier. So I gave myself time. And I hope that is enough.

The plan was to come back around July 2022, but I had a very traumatic death in my nuclear family and I stopped functioning completely. Luckily I have very amazing people in my life who helped me through the hardest parts of it, but, still, I guess it’s easy to see why writing wasn’t in the forefront of my mind.

Other than that — gurl u have no idea about the shit I’ve done lmaooo. I worked six months delivering babies??? Which was crazy??? I also studied under amazing professionals in a neonatal ICU, participated in so many surgeries and even published two papers. Your girl has been BUSY, I’ll tell you that. This past year has been one of immense personal and academic growth and, overall, I’m really happy about it. I also met the love of my life but that’s a story for another day.

So, again: my plans moving forward. Simply and objectively: try my best and hope to succeed. Once again, I miss you guys so much, and I admit I sneakily came back once or twice to see how things have been and all the messages I’ve gotten in the meantime. I’m flabbergasted and grateful at the continuous support you’ve thrown my way and it’s one of the main reasons why I decided to give this blog another go. So, yeah. Let’s see how this goes!

#also shout out to that girl on Twitter who randomly dragged me for vanishing and made me come back yesterday lmaoooo #not all heroes wear capes #anywhoooooo let’s see how this pans out #update

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 1 year

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400 Days is simultaneously brilliant and disappointing

I’m currently working on another essay about S2 that’s taking me longer than I expected... which I should have expected but y’know, I’m me. I have no idea when it’ll be finished, but I figured that in the meantime I could write about something that came up while working: 400 Days.

400 Days is the stand-alone DLC episode that was released July 2, 2013, and tells the stories of Vince, Bonnie, Wyatt, Russell, and Shel in the same Georgia area that S1 takes place. While the story doesn’t feature Lee or Clementine, it acts as a bridge between S1 and S2.

I’ve talked about it in the past, even doing a T5F on the Top 5 Missed Opportunities in 400 Days. My past opinions can be summarized in an ask I answered for anon: “Wasted potential. I remember enjoying it when it first came out before s2 released, and the reason I enjoyed it was because I thought it’d be way more important for s2′s story than it ended up being. Bonnie was the only character that mattered while the others made brief, useless cameos if they chose to go with Tavia. Like… it could’ve been so good and it fell flat on its face.”

While not entirely inaccurate to how I feel now, I do believe I wasn’t giving 400 Days a proper chance.

A major thing I’m noticing as I revisit many of my past posts from when TWDG consumed my life is that nitpicking and overanalyzing for the sake of pumping out content on this blog is the big contributor to why I experienced extreme burnout for the series to the point where I started actively disliking it at one point. While I did genuinely enjoy the creating the content, and obviously still do, there’s a lot I take issue with now.

Looking back on everything, I’m starting to see things differently and appreciate aspects that I previously despised. That level of nitpicking I did was mostly negative and infected a lot of my judgment when it came to games I loved. I knew certain points in the series were disappointing, therefore I should showcase everything wrong with them, and anything positive I have to say comes with a footnote of, “it’s good, but I think this would’ve made it better,” as if nothing was ever good enough. While I’m not ruling out discussions of “what could’ve been,” I want to appreciate what we were given.

Case in point: 400 Days. I adore it.

I replayed this dlc not only because it somewhat ties into what my larger essay is about, but also I started playing the Mass Effect games and I’m having a mini-crisis about lowkey hating ME1 more and more as I play... dropping it to play 400 Days and write this sounded sooooo more appealing.

Uh, there’s a freebie update on what I’ve been up to. I’m desperately trying to make ME1 work and then it made me drive the damn Mako and I’m upset about that.....

Anyway-

400 Days is brilliant.

I didn’t expect to have as much fun playing this as I did.

400 Days is a quick yet compelling experience right from the beginning, and if I’m completely honest, I haven’t had this much fun playing a TWDG episode for a long time. While I adore TFS, I have a lot more history with that game that changes the overall experience, but this? The whole thing was a blast! Sure, it’s not quite a masterpiece, but it’s way better than I remember. It deserves more credit than I initially gave it and I’m here to rectify that.

Personally, I love mini-stories that all tie together in the end to create one big story. I'm always going to love the idea, and when it’s executed well, it’s brilliant. Because it’s a single episode that tells five mini-stories, it’s easier to pack in so much detail and make things coherent. While we don’t have as much time with our protagonists, we still get a clear picture of who they are and how they’re handling the apocalypse, how they ended up where they are now, and how they handle each dilemma thrown their way.

These stories take place at different times of the outbreak, starting before the outbreak and going all the way to 400 days in where all the characters are together and discovered by Tavia. Three of the five stories center around this gas station/diner called Gil’s Pitstop, with the other two being in that area, but all five have elements that weave them together beautifully. A character may show up in one story alive, then show up in the next as a walker, and it’s all dependent on the order you play and the choices you make.

Each story has a “moral dilemma,” usually a major choice you have to make that affects whether or not a character will agree to go with Tavia, the only exception to this being Bonnie.

And honestly? All of them are great. They fit in so well with the world of TWD. I’d say that Shel’s story has not only one, but two of the best moral dilemmas, whereas Wyatt’s dilemma is the weakest given it’s decided by a game of rock, paper, scissors.

I can’t get into the meat of why I think this DLC episode is great without going through each story, so-

Vince: Day 2

Chronologically, Vince’s story takes place first in the timeline, giving us a peak into his life before the outbreak where we see him in a dark room pointing a gun at someone who is pleading for their life.

“Damn it, I told you! I already told you it wasn't me, man! Man, come on, I told you like...like twenty times... I don't even...I don't even KNOW your brother!”

Vince then shoots him and flees. You get to decide how he’ll try to ditch the gun, but no matter what, he’ll always get caught and we see him on the prison bus, convicted of murder.

Right away, this tells us so much about Vince yet leaves us wanting more. What happened to Vince’s brother that made him murder a man? We never actually get to know, all Vince says about it is that "I helped my little brother,” which could mean a number of things.

So Vince is the kind of man willing to take things that far for family, or those he loves, even if he ends up with a prison sentence. His moral compass is already twisting and turning in a different way compared to the others.

Similar to Lee, he was convicted of murder before the apocalypse, but Vince seems to feel less remorse or guilt for it than Lee does. Lee killed a man in a fight after he caught him with his wife, a heat of the moment thing... but we don’t actually witness it happen. We get to see Vince shoot someone and later claim it was to help his brother out. I find this comparison interesting since this small chapter never tries to set up a, “This is the beginning of Vince’s redemption arc,” like it does for Lee. It more so leans into the fact that yeah, Vince and the other prisoners are here for a reason and right now, redemption isn’t on the table.

Lee feels bad for what he did and who it hurt. Vince feels bad that he got caught but doesn’t feel bad about helping his brother. The only thing bringing them together is that pre-apocalypse, they accepted that this was their life now only to have a curve ball thrown at them and they find themselves free again.

Well, first they have to gain their freedom by getting outta those cuffs, I suppose.

The set up for this story is that Vince is on a prison bus that’s stuck in traffic. You can actually see Gil’s Pitstop through the windows, too. It’s hot as hell outside, and two other prisoners, Jerry and Marcus, up at the front keep arguing while Vince is stuck between Justin and Danny.

Justin is here after years of stealing money from people with “a really good pyramid scheme,” then lied about it on the stand, and Danny is a convicted rapist. The three of them have good chemistry with their banter, it’s enjoyable to watch. You learn more of why they’re here and how they view their guilt, and have the opportunity to tell them the truth about Vince or lie. In doing so will affect how they view you, either you boast about killing a man and become Tough Guy Vince, or lie and say you didn’t do it only to be labeled a coward.

It’s a pretty good time considering the circumstances, but that’s due to how well written and performed this banter is... until Jerry and Marcus become hostile, and one of them chokes the other out.

But don’t worry, Officer Dipshit [his name is Clyde] is here to help! He starts by yelling at them to stop and then just shooting Marcus in the head before panicking and threatening Vince, Danny, and Justin with the shotgun.

Honestly, I think Justin says it best: “THIS is what happens when you give guns to ASSHOLES.”

It’s super intense, and you know what’s going to happen the moment this incompetent cop refuses to get in between the fight and break it up properly, choosing to instead point his shotgun at them and yell. But Officer Dipshit gets his comeuppance when Jerry, who was choked to death, becomes a walker and attacks him. Then all hell breaks loose as the other officer [Bennett] flees, leaving you and the other two chained together with a walker that wants to eat your face.

Vince manages to get Officer Dipshit’s gun and shoot the walker, but the noise only brings more of them onto the bus where they begin trying to get through the gate.

Now the moral dilemma- Vince has the shotgun. The only way you can escape is to shoot off one of the cuffs, but in doing so will shoot off someone’s foot and they’ll need to be left behind. Whose cuff do you shoot? Danny or Justin’s?

By the way, I love that this whole scene was set up with Danny yanking on the chains that bind you all together as foreshadowing for the solution to this new problem, it’s great.

But here’s the thing about this dilemma... the end percentages still baffle me after all this time. According to The Definitive Edition, 70% of players shot Justin, and 30% of players shot Danny, and I just have to ask why that is?

Because to me, shooting Danny feels like the obvious choice and is what I did.

Justin is more about keeping his head down. He’s willing to lie if it benefits him. He says that he doesn’t feel bad for his victims, claiming that they knew what they were getting into and he still carried them for years. He’s pretty upfront with his guilt, he never denies it. Hell, he even shrugs and confesses that he lied on the stand, fake crying to try and get a lesser sentence. He’ll joke around, even if he’s mostly annoyed by Danny’s bullshit. Given that he was involved with a scheme that allowed him to make off with millions, he’s also incredibly intelligent. Plus, he’s voiced by the same guy who voiced Ben in s1. I wouldn’t say he’s annoying or anything, he just comes off as more self-serving.

Danny, on the other hand, is the more charismatic of the two. He’s the one cracking the jokes and yanking on the chains, but he’s also the one who wants to help break up the fight between the other prisoners and stands up to the cop as he’s threatening all of you to shut up. This shows a lot of courage and willingness to intervene when he sees something wrong. He claims he’s innocent, insisting that he’s a morally good man and was falsely accused. Oh, and he misses his girlfriend. He’s a real bro, y’know?

Here’s the thing: yeah, Danny’s a “bro,” but he’s also a convicted rapist.

Justin: I wasn't stealing from guys like that. Anyway, better than stealing his virginity.

Danny: Hey, how many times I gotta tell you?

Justin: Here we go.

Danny: Seriously! I was falsely accused!

Justin: How old was she? Fifteen?

Danny: Damn it, it ain't like that.

Justin: You're tellin' me there wasn't a star witness waiting around in your white van? I'm shocked.

Vince: You WERE convicted, Danny. Gotta admit that much.

Danny: Aw, come on, Vince. That don't mean I did it.

“It ain’t like that.” Then what’s it like, Danny?

Because when Justin tells him that he “probably ruined that poor girl’s life, you piece of shit,” all Danny has to say is, “Big talk from White Collar over there. How many lives you ruin, kid?”

As if Danny’s logic is that Justin ruined more lives where he only ruined one, so Justin’s the worse criminal here so let’s shift to him... and I dunno about you, but that makes me feel real icky inside.

I have a feeling it’s because Danny is more of a “bro” and he actively stands up to Officer Dipshit that more people went with him. Or they just weren’t paying attention to what he was convicted of, or they believed him when he said he was falsely accused. Personally, I have a hard time believing him based on his dialogue when you point the gun at him multiple times during the final decision:

Danny: Come on, you know I'm a good guy, man!

Danny: Okay, I know I'm a fuck-up, but Jesus!

Danny: Come on! I did some bad shit, but I'm a good guy, Vince...

And he says that last one AFTER Justin says, “You're gonna do me and not this rapist fuck?”

Also if you DO save him over Justin, he dies later off screen and Russell will make a comment about how it’s a good thing he did before Shel and Becca joined the group... if anyone can spot a creep/pervert, it’s Russell!

Vince: Guys, look...if I learned one thing from Danny, it's that we have to stick together and protect ourselves!

Russell: What?! That guy was an asshole! You should be happy he got killed before Shel and Becca joined us.

Becca: Why?

Russell: Don't worry about it.

Justin is upfront that he’s a criminal and I believe him, I believe he’s a self-serving liar... but Danny doth protest too much, me thinks, y’know? Between the two, I'm gonna take my chances with Justin over Danny. I don’t care that Justin’s a liar and eventually ditches Vince, Vince doesn’t seem to heartbroken about it anyway.

By the way, shooting Danny is the way to get Vince to go with Tavia so make note of that if you’re trying to get everyone to go with her and appear in S2. Actually, it’s interesting that Vince is less trusting of strangers if you go with Danny over Justin, as if he got burned by that choice in the end, hmm?

Anyway, that was my spiel about Danny vs Justin, and I would be interested to know what y’all picked. I’ve read a lot of discussions about this choice and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way about the percentages. I’ve read a lot of responses to why people picked who they picked, all very interesting.

Back on track, this is a solid chunk of the story. I enjoy the dilemma presented here. You’re chained to these two guys and if you don’t shoot one of their ankles off, then all three of you are going to die. What gets me about this is it’s not like the Doug vs Carley choice. Doug and Carley were both in trouble but you only had enough time to save one of them. You weren’t actively shooting them.

Here? You have to pull the trigger more than once. You have to pick one, shoot their ankle off, and then leave them there in order to escape. It’s super fucked and going off the way Vince hesitates and looks back at the one you shot, I’d say it’s something that’s gonna sit with him for the rest of his life.

The pacing of this episode is great, it’s intense, the escalation in hostility between the two other prisoners only for it to end in blood is well executed, and overall the set up is damn good.

Wyatt: Day 41

Dude. Wyatt’s story. I love Wyatt’s story. Of all five stories, it’s the one that made me laugh the most. It’s absolutely hilarious despite taking place in a very tense and panicked situation.

Wyatt in on the run with his companion, Eddie. They’re driving away after an encounter with group of guys that ended in Eddie shooting one of them, and now they’re being chased and shot at by someone in a truck.

Eddie: God, this is so fucked!

Wyatt: Why the hell did you shoot that guy, man? What the hell WAS that?

Eddie: I didn't mean to do it! It just happened, okay? Where the fuck were you with a warning?

Wyatt: Me? You're putting that on me now? I didn't see the guy, either! I was too worried those dudes were going to pull guns on us or--

Intense right off the bat, a complete panic as you’re trying to shoot at the truck chasing you while Wyatt and Eddie argue about what happened. Eventually the truck swerves off the road and you seem to be in the clear.

From what I gather, Wyatt and Eddie had a run in with Nate, the guy from Russell’s story, an unknown man who Eddie shot and killed in the encounter, and possibly some others given how Wyatt says he was worried about the “dudes” [plural] but he didn’t see the guy Eddie shot. Given that Nate’s alone in Russell’s story and the lone one chasing them down, it’s likely he’s the only survivor from that side. It’s unknown if Wyatt and Eddie were in a bigger group or not, so I’m going to assume it was just the two of them.

Wyatt: Did you mean to pull the trigger?

Eddie: I don't know. I was so keyed up... I just... damn it. Look, Wyatt. All I know is those guys had me all... jacked up like I was on speed or something. I was just on edge, you know? Then I was, like, watching that guy's brains come out the back of his head. I'm sorry, man. I...

The core of why Wyatt’s story is possibly my favorite is the electric chemistry between him and Eddie. The dialogue, the voice acting, it’s all just dripping with personality and you feel like you’re watching two friends who’ve known each other for a long time, just *chef kiss*

Eddie: See? It's fine. Road's straight as my dick.... You think we're in the clear?

Wyatt: Don’t talk about your dick.

Eddie: ...... Why not?

[or alternatively, if Wyatt says nothing, Eddie will just : “... Are you still thinking about my dick?” sksks it’s so stupid, I can’t help but love it.]

They talk like typical stoners, which they indeed are because Eddie’s got some “sticky” in the glovebox and wants it after they believe they’re in the clear. Y’know, the perfect time for some weed. Kate Garcia would greatly approve.

So they’re driving along and we get more context for what happened, more great banter... and then they hit someone.

The dilemma in this chapter is the fact that they hit someone and they don’t think it’s a walker, it’s a person. Even though they’re on the run from Nate and it’s foggy as hell outside, Eddie insists that they help whoever was hit.

I believe Eddie is such a fan favorite not just because he’s funny or a charming character, but because of his compassion. In this moment you feel his frustration and guilt in having hit someone. He isn’t about to perform a hit and run even in this new apocalyptic world even though it would be easier to just assume it’s a walker and keep driving.

Eddie: What if that was you, man?! After all the shit that's happened in the past couple months? Where's your compassion, motherfucker?

Eddie: If that guy back there is alive, we HAVE to help him, Wyatt. There ain't a lot of live dudes left these days.

Eddie showed a lot of shock and guilt over shooting a guy before, but now he’s sure he’s hit an innocent person and he refuses to leave them. His humanity does him credit and that’s why he’s one of my favorite characters in this DLC.

But then comes the choice: One of you has to go find this person you hit, and one of you has to stay in the car. Who should do what?

The end stats for this are 50/50, and it’s decided either by you refusing to go out yourself, or agreeing to a game of rock, paper, scissors.

No, really, that’s how they decide who gets to go out there, best two outta three. That’s why I say this is one of the weaker portrayals of the dilemma, you don’t necessarily get to decide what Wyatt’s going to do, therefore shaping his personality and morals... it’s all up to luck.

Though you can outright refuse, and Eddie will go out anyway so that’s one way to shape Wyatt if you’re playing him as less compassionate, or more cautious, or even as a coward. While there is an option for Wyatt to volunteer, you still have to rock, paper, scissors for it which I’m kinda meh on. Personally, I think if you’re brave enough to volunteer, you should be able to double down with Eddie and make the choice yourself rather than leaving it up to fate decided by a couple hand gestures.

My advice to anyone playing this is try to lose the game. If Wyatt loses the game, he will go out there with a gun to find the person you hit, otherwise Eddie will go and Wyatt will be left in the car. Wyatt remaining in the car is the weaker option, far less exciting and results in you being attacked by Nate and forced to leave Eddie behind. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad by any means and getting to see that it’s Nate is neat when going into Russell’s story, but I think Wyatt being left behind is more impactful because it opens up a new dilemma.

I managed to lose the game by picking scissors every time. I find that Eddie tends to pick mostly rock, at least every time I’ve played before I’ve beaten him with paper, but rock beats scissors sooo pick scissors.

Wyatt takes the gun and goes out into the fog to find the guy, who is revealed to be Bennett, the cop who fled the prison bus in Vince’s story. Wyatt tries talking to him, but Bennett is too injured and out of it to respond. Wyatt starts to help him, but because nothing is ever smooth sailing... walkers begin to groan and you realize that they’re coming through the fog.

The reason I think this path’s better is because now you have a new choice to make: Do you try to help Bennett, or do you abandon him?

Wyatt wasn’t the one driving, and he’s out here due to a lost game of rock, paper, scissors... but is he willing to leave this man out here to be eaten to save himself, or is he going to try and do his best to help the man at the risk of getting them both killed.

I chose to try and save Bennett, which meant I had to to drag him back to the car while stopping to shoot walkers... and the noise only brings more of them and uh oh, Eddie’s screaming for Wyatt to hurry up because he’s being attacked! If Eddie remains in the car, Nate attacks him and no matter how fast you go, Wyatt never makes it in time... Eddie drives off without Wyatt, who is now left in a misty forest with more walkers on the way, and Nate.

It’s rough, but more compelling, in my opinion.

The highlight of this story is Wyatt and Eddie’s relationship, and there’s something about them getting separated that just stings, y’know? I found myself dreading getting out of the car not because of the dangers held within the fog, but because I knew Wyatt and Eddie would be separated after this only to never be reunited.

Well, we assume they never reunite and that... the best way I can describe this is I feel like Sarah from Labyrinth, just throwing myself onto my bed and beating my fists against the wall and exclaiming, “IT’S NOT FAIR!!” at everyone... because it’s not fair that Wyatt and Eddie get separated and it makes me emotional, I’m not happy about it.

But that also proves how effective Wyatt’s story is. Wyatt by himself also has the vibe of your sarcastic stoner friend who’s into indie bands and video games, but that’s part of his charm.

Overall, a damn good story and execution.

Russell: Day 184

I have a lot of feelings about Russell.

As far as the playable protagonists go, I can say with confidence that he’s my favorite. I love them all, but Russell sticks out to me by how much younger he seems to be, his interesting backstory, and by his jaded behavior.

His story starts with him walking down a long yet familiar road. He has his backpack and a map, and tells us he’s trying to get to his grandmother’s house. However, as he’s walking along, the truck from Wyatt’s story is coming up the road and Russell’s gotta decide if he should hide or stand his ground.

If you hide, you’ll quickly remember why you know this road. Russell will hide down next to a corpse, but not just any corpse- the body of either Carley or Doug, depending on who you saved in S1. A neat inclusion, if not a little sad... and annoying because then I’m forced to remember Lilly shooting Carley outta spite and me leaving her ass on the road... wasn’t S1 so fun??

Anyway, Nate pulls up and talks to Russell no matter what, and you have no choice but to hitch a ride with him. You can try and refuse, and Nate’ll drive away... only for a dozen walkers to appear out of thin air and surround you so Nate will come back for you... I see you, Telltale, I see through your nonsense.

The rest of Russell’s story has him and Nate... bonding? I don’t even want to call it that, but they talk as they drive, we get more insight into Russell’s last group that left him with some trauma.

Russell: There was seven of us. I didn't have any family there or nothing; they were all at my Gram's down in Statesboro. There was a dad who had a daughter 'bout my age. One guy said he used to be a cop, but nobody really believed him; then a teacher and his wife. Leader was this guy, Steve.

Nate: Go back to the daughter.

Russell: Steve was a bad dude, but everybody was with him, you know? He said seven was the magic number, so we didn't add nobody to the group. If we found survivors, it was the same every time. He...he...

Nate: Let it out, Paco.

Russell: Just... "We gonna kill these folks and take their stuff or what?" And then bang, they'd be dead. Anyway... I couldn't handle that. After weeks of it, I packed my shit up and figured I can make for Gran's alone and try to find my family. I slipped outta there. I couldn't live like that.

Super interesting, and I wanted to learn more about this group but Nate ruins it by continuing to be a creep.

By the way, Nate? Crusty. Stinky. He is repulsive and I hate him... but he’s also the best antagonist in this DLC, go figure. I’m pretty sure the writers had a lot of fun making him as slimy as possible. He’s dangerous and a huge creep, he makes my guts feel icky, I just-

Russell: Why you gotta be like that?

Nate: Like what?

Russell: Always talking about women like that.

Nate: WOMEN? Ha, okay. Let me see if I can answer your question. Because...because the hunger a man's got for a woman is all we got left now. No laws, no jobs, ain't nothin' that make us men. But they ain't eaten all the women yet.

Nate, you’re gross and I hate you.

Unfortunately, Russell is stuck with this man for the time being until the two end up at Gil’s Pitstop only to be shot at by someone inside. Together, they avoid being shot and break in to find an older man is responsible for shooting at them, and his wife is injured, bleeding out in the booth beside him.

The man, Walt, yells at them to get out and accuses Nate of coming back to finish them off. Alarming, to say the least, but Nate casually denies the accusations that he’s been here before and calls Walt crazy.

Given this is Nate we’re talking about and he’s been in this area awhile, I’m inclined to believe that he was here at one point and could’ve attacked the couple, possibly with his group that Wyatt and Eddie encountered.

But here’s where things get interesting, and where Russell’s story becomes more unique when it comes to the dilemma. You’ve got this older couple here, one of them injured, and the other shot at you. They’re accusing your crusty companion of coming back to finish them off, and said crusty man decides to manipulate you by echoing the story from earlier:

Nate: What do you say, Russ? Should we just kill these folks and take all their stuff?

Super fucked up, and it has an immediate effect on Russell. Nate gives him the crazy eyes and casually points the gun at Russell... so what do you do? Do you comply, or do you stand up to Nate?

Unfortunately, no matter what you do, Nate will always kill the old couple. If you comply with Nate, whether by saying nothing out of shock or hesitantly agreeing, you witness the murders and Nate gloating about how all their stuff is there’s now. Then you get an eerie line from Nate as he looks back at Russell with a smile:

Nate: Relax. You're my boy, Russell. Things are going to be a-okay.

All while Russell stands there in absolute horror and shock, probably reliving the trauma he escaped from his previous group and realizing he’s now stuck in it again.

This ending to the story is awful... not awful as in it’s written poorly. No, no, quite the opposite. It’s awful because of what it does to Russell. By complying, Russell is now stuck with this man who “kept you around,” according to the little choice notification in the corner. Who killed with no compassion, no guilt, and is gleefully admiring the “rewards” he got for doing it. Russell just stood there while two innocent people were murdered and he does nothing to stop it. He looks at Nate and sees Steve, a man he earlier described as a bad person, but everyone was with him, everyone complied. Russell couldn’t take it anymore and he had to leave, only to find himself at the mercy of another Steve and that’s tragic.

Luckily, Russell manages to get away somehow given he’s with the rest of the group in the epilogue, though we never find out how.

As for the alternative, Russell can stand up to Nate and call him out in one of my favorite moments:

Russell: Are you serious?

Nate: Maybe. Why not?

Russell: That's fucked up! There are real fucking monsters out there!

Nate: No shit.

Russell: And you're just going to joke about the shit I seen? Fuck you, Nate!

Nate: I saved your ass!

Russell: You didn't do shit.

Nate: Easy, Russ.

Russell: I ain't hurtin' no one. And don't you hurt these people either.

Nate: COME ON! Can we still be friends?

Russell: No.

Russell leaves Nate behind, and as he’s walking outside, he hears two gunshots from inside. At first, the player’s probably thinking how Russell should’ve done more to help the couple, but what could he do? Nate had the gun, and wrestling it from him would’ve gotten Russell killed. It’s fucked, but there was nothing he could do with Nate holding as much power as he did. Russell had no choice but to stand up to him in hopes of convincing him to leave the couple alone, and then leave.

Unfortunately, Nate isn’t easily swayed. Russell’s lucky he got away when he did.

Russell standing up to Nate, avoiding the road he’s desperately tried not to walk again, is compelling as hell. By walking away, he’s saying that no, that’s not who he will become. He won’t be Steve, he won’t be Nate, he won’t be a man who causes hurt and death in order to reap the “rewards.”

In the end, Russell is more bitter, wary to trust and I don’t blame him. This moral dilemma is so powerful because it’s a choice between remaining strong, brave enough to look at what you could become and say, “no,” and giving in, becoming the thing you feared and ran from.

Not to mention Russell’s story all started because he left to go find his grandmother, to reunite with his family. If Russell were to reunite with her, would he be proud of how he got there? Or would be feel like yet another monster who hurt others to get there?

All in all, so damn good.

Fuck Nate, though. Hope he choked.

Bonnie: Day 220

Bonnie, everyone’s favorite.... CJ wrote sarcastically, knowing full well that a lot of people don’t actually like her.

It’s a shame that S2 has tainted Bonnie’s character for a lot of people, but this post isn’t about S2 so I’m going to focus solely on what we see of her in this story.

What we get is a woman struggling with addiction, clinging to a life preserver the best she can in a world where the dead walk but people are more dangerous, a preserver that can be ripped out of her hands depending on your choices. Bonnie is recovering from a drug problem when we meet her out in the rain with a man named, Leland, and the two are playing a cute little game of “would you rather.”

She has a deep southern drawl, and easily teases Leland even without player input.

Leland: You've been a lot more fun lately. Feelin' better?

Bonnie: I guess I am.

Leland: Well, you sure do look better. Though you gotta admit, anything is an improvement. That came out wrong... what I mean is... I mean... You were... you were, uh... you know.

Bonnie: Take a hike, big ears.

Leland: I resemble that remark.

Bonnie: You resemble a satellite.

Leland: Ya know, you weren't so damn sassy before. Guess that's a good sign. I mean it, though. After we found ya, you were still so hooked on that stuff. I never thought you'd make it. You ain't outta the woods yet, I know, but you've come a long way, Bonnie. I'm proud of you.

At first, you pick up on a little romantic tension between the two and think, “Oh, I see~” There’s some definite chemistry there. Leland even goes as far as to caress her cheek and say her name softly.

Then Dee shows up, and you realize rather quickly that she’s Leland’s wife, and then you go, “Oh... I see.”

Dee sees it, too, and calls the two of them out on their flirting.

Dee: I got you a present.

Leland: Aw, you shouldn't have! What did you find?

Dee: I'll tell ya later. I don't mean to interrupt your "chat" with your "girlfriend", but we gotta get movin'.

So that’s not great.

But it appears that Dee found a bag and avoids saying where she got it. Leland keeps pushing on about the bag, and this causes a fight to break out with Dee getting more defensive until she tells then to run. Turns out, Dee stole the bag from a nearby group that is now hunting them down, so the three of them have to get out of there.

Bonnie falls behind, and ends up shot. Leland calls out to her, but we see Dee holding him back before disappearing, leaving Bonnie on her own. This segment is super good, she falls down a hill and a zombified Clyde- you remember Clyde? Officer Dipshit? Yeah, he shows up as a walker here to attack Bonnie if you don’t kill him in Russell’s story. After killing the walker, Bonnie’s forced to navigate a corn maze while avoiding the flashlights of the group chasing her. It’s a well done scene, and the moment Bonnie makes it out is just heart breaking.

She’s wounded, all alone, and she’s slipping all over in the mud, desperate to take cover behind a tractor. Plus her little, “Mama watch over me,” gets me, y’know?

The dialogue that follows is raw. Eerie. Just-

Bonnie: Dee, oh, God, Dee... I'm so sorry, oh, God...

Dee: Wh... why? You... Why? Do... d-- do I look... How bad is it? Bonnie?

Bonnie: It was dark, it's so dark, I couldn't see you! I didn't know it was you! How was I supposed to know it was you?!

Dee: There was no... I thought I...saw you... You did this...? You... killed me. You killed me... I sh-- should never have... tr-- trusted you... just... just a junkie... Leland, she... she did this to me...

Bonnie: I... God, I'm so sorry, so... I can't... Oh, God, God...

Dee: I knew you'd fuck up again... take him...

Bonnie: I... I... no, God, I'm sorry. I need him; I need you both...

Dee: You... bitch... I knew you wanted him... didn't think you had the stones... Goddamn you...

-and then Dee dies. Dee repeatedly calling Bonnie a junkie and a fuck up is painful. Bonnie’s clearly in distress, apologizing and trying to comfort Dee as she’s dying, and all Dee can do is call her a fucking junkie while damning her, telling her they should’ve never trusted her. I cannot imagine the toll that takes on Bonnie going forward.

Now the dilemma here isn’t that Bonnie killed her. You have no choice on whether or not to hit her with the piece of rebar. If you don’t, Dee will kill Bonnie and you get a nice ol’ YOU ARE DEAD. You have to hit Dee, Dee will always die, it’s more up to you how Bonnie reacts and handles it.

The dilemma here is Leland finds them and is horrified that Dee is dead. He then asks Bonnie what happened. Do you tell him the truth or do you lie?

This is rough, to say the least. Because it was an accident. You had no choice, you didn’t know it was Dee and now you have to decide if being honest is the best choice in this moment. Are you willing to take responsibility for something you did even if it hurts you, or hurts Leland? Or are you going to lie to the grieving husband of the woman you killed to save your own ass?

And remember, that group is still chasing you down, it’s only a matter of time before they find you so whatever you do, you have to do it fast or else that group is going to kill you.

Fun fact, according to the stats, 75% of people lied to Leland, and 25% of people told him the truth. Which I find fascinating yet unsurprising that players wouldn’t tell the truth in order to cover their asses.

To be fair, a new player might think that telling the truth could cause Leland to lash out and you’ll get hurt, and that takes priority over doing the “morally good thing” of being honest. Or they don’t want to admit they did a bad thing. Players never like doing that unless it was on purpose.

Not only that, but if Leland knows that truth and you can convince him to leave with you, the fact that Bonnie killed her [accident or no] will always hang heavy in the air. If Leland doesn’t know the truth, then y’know- ignorance is bliss and Bonnie won’t have to face the repercussions from him... she’ll just have to deal with her guilt and trauma internally.

You also have to remember that Bonnie is a recovering addict. Leland and Dee were her life preservers that kept her afloat this whole time. She just accidentally killed half of her support, and now she’s staring at the other half and has to judge if she’s willing to risk losing him, as well. If both Dee and Leland are gone, Bonnie is alone, and that could be far worse than anything else for her.

For me, this dilemma is fairly similar to Russell’s- who are you shaping Bonnie to be with this choice? Can Bonnie live with herself if she lies?

If you lie, it’s easy to convince him to come along with you, but you can still do so if you tell the truth, which is what I did. It all depends on your approach and if you can convince him that it was a genuine accident on Bonnie’s part. Which it was so again, not hard. If you can’t convince him, he’ll stay by Dee’s side while Bonnie runs away and you’ll hear a gunshot.

If Leland leaves with Bonnie, they don’t stay together since he’s not with the group in the epilogue. As far as I can tell, we never find out what happened to him, Bonnie never says.

Bonnie’s story is solid, super enjoyable, I love it. Again, you might be noticing a pattern but every story so far has been excellent, not a single bad one in the bunch.

And that doesn’t change with Shel’s story.

Shel: Days 236 & 259

Shel’s story is the final event on the timeline, and while I said that Wyatt’s story made me laugh the most and Russell’s my favorite protagonist, Shel’s story is my favorite overall. It’s not funny like Wyatt’s, and I wouldn’t even say Shel is as compelling as Russell, but it more than makes up for that with the story it tells.

It’s funny to think back on this because had you asked me years ago about Shel’s story, I probably would’ve told you it’s my least favorite and that Shel and Becca weren’t great. Again, another example of me not giving them a proper chance.

This time around I was surprisingly invested in Shel as a character. She’s a lot more... how do I put this? Softer? She’s softer than the other playable protagonists in the way she acts, speaking, and views the situation. She has a little sister to look after in this world, a young, impressionable girl that Shel sees getting colder and colder with every terrible thing she sees. It’s understandable that Shel wants to protect Becca, or even shelter her from the reality of their situation.

I liked Becca a lot, too. She wasn’t annoying like I remembered her being. Her behavior is understandable when you pay attention. She’s young, she doesn’t fully understand the weight of the things she may do, and she’s easily influenced, which becomes scary later on.

Shel’s story takes place in Gil’s Pitstop where she and Becca are staying with a group of familiar faces. Yep, the cancer patients from S1 are back. Turns out Vernon was more of a bastard than we initially thought as we learn he planned to steal the boat from the moment we found it... and given that he’s no longer with the group, I’d say that didn’t work out for him in the end.

Aside from them, we have Stephanie and Roman. These two are key to this story, both having ideas about how Becca should be raised, and Roman becomes a more antagonistic character in the end.

This story is about Shel’s conflicted feelings about the world and what it’s doing to her and Becca. They have to keep inventory of guns and supplies and hey, remember how Dee stole that bag? Surprise, Shel’s group were the ones chasing you down when you were playing as Bonnie, and they make comments depending on if Leland stayed with Bonnie or was caught.

Shel meets Roman outside where we see “guard dogs,” which are just walkers they’d tied up to keep people away. Depending on if you stayed with Nate or stood up to him, you may encounter Walt as a walker, or Bennett. They’re feeding the walkers when Roman makes a comment about how Becca wouldn’t mind doing this, and that Shel can’t keep sheltering her, something Shel struggles with.

Shel also discovered the old woman walker is eating a puppy and the affect on her is instant, nearly bringing her to tears. Which is completely understandable. When I say that Shel is softer, it’s because of a moment like this where she sees something that’s sad and she doesn’t just shrug it off. She feels it deeply, and that’s further proven when she goes back inside only for Becca to scare her as a little prank.

Shel lashes out at her, and I love their conversation once she’s calmed down.

Shel: It's the walkers...I guess they got ahold of a puppy.

Becca: A puppy?

Shel: Yeah. I guess it just...it got to me, ya know. It was so little. You don't think about babies anymore, but... After a while, you just kind of accept...this is it.

Becca: Yeah. I guess you kinda forget.

Shel: Right? But then...you know...there it is. You see it and you want to protect it... And now it's gone.

Becca: That sucks.

I feel like this is obvious, but Shel seeing a dead puppy being eaten by walkers probably brought Becca to mind. While Becca isn’t a baby, she is still a kid, and we know how TWDG works. Children and teens aren’t safe from death in this series. In S1 we dealt with Duck’s tragic death, and we found the walker child in the attic. S1 is all about Lee doing everything in his power to not let that happen to Clementine, and it cost him his life.

Becca could die just as easily as that puppy. All it takes is one moment, no matter how hard Shel tries to protect or shelter her, and she’s gone.

Also, this whole “you don’t think about babies anymore” is clever, given what happens in S2 with Rebecca and AJ, I wonder if that was intentional or not.

But the moment is interrupted when Stephanie barges in to bring us our first major moral dilemma.

A man was caught trying to steal supplies from the group. He’s beaten up, and Roman claims he was already like that, and all he did was tie him up and put a blindfold on. The man doesn’t speak English. He isn’t bit, and he didn’t hurt anyone. This is the second break in the group’s had. The group is arguing among themselves when Roman gives us the dilemma:

Roman: Look, we all know what we're talking about here, so let's stop dancing around it. We either let this guy go and take our chances...or we kill him.

This is... fucked? How else do you describe it? This man can’t defend himself since he doesn’t speak English, no one can understand him, he can’t stay with the group but letting him go is risky. What do you do?

There isn’t a right answer to this, even when you know both outcomes.

On one hand, you let him go. You can’t just execute a man, that would be wrong, so you send him away and maybe he won’t come back. You’ll be in the clear and you’ll feel like you did the right thing.

Shel: He's not even armed! We can't just kill him! This isn't in self-defense.

Becca: Isn't it, though? If it means he can't come back to hurt us?

Shel: That isn't the same thing.

Joyce: But last time...

Shel: Joyce, that was a long time ago. If we kill this man, then we are giving up a part of ourselves that we can NEVER get back! I'm not ready to let that go.

But that doesn’t happen. The man does come back and he brings his group, we’re attacked, and Boyd dies in the fight. Roman becomes obsessed with securing the place by any means necessary.

On the other hand, you kill him. You make the choice as a collective group to execute a man and you get to live with that.

Shel: We can't take the risk. We kill him.

Stephanie: There's gotta be another way...

Shel: Tell me. What if he comes back? With weapons, or...or a gang? Is it worth losing any one of us?

Stephanie: Jesus. There really is no other choice, is there?

Roman: We can't keep him here and we can't let him go. If there's even a chance of him coming back or telling folks who might try to hurt us, we can't risk it. I won't ask you to watch, but if we do this, we're all in it together. If this ever happens again, it's gonna be one of you pulling that trigger.

And in doing so, the group’s morale plummets, and Roman still becomes obsessed with securing the place by any means.

But you also have to consider what this will do to Becca. Shel just had to face a hard reality when she saw that dead puppy, and now she’s left as the swing vote that decides a man’s fate. That’s a lot for any person and there are so many factors at play here.

No matter your choice, there’s a time skip and we see Shel and Becca in an RV playing Go Fish. Becca admits that she’s been sneaking out, something that’s horrifying to hear when you realize what Roman would do to her if he ever found that out, or if Becca was spotted and led someone back that wanted to hurt them.

Speaking of Roman, he comes knocking on the door to ask Shel to come talk to him about something important. It’s not long before you learn what happened: Stephanie stole supplies and tried to escape.

Roman: We caught her trying to escape.

Shel: Maybe she wasn't. Maybe she just wanted to get outside these walls for a while. Ever since the...incident, you've made this place feel...I dunno...oppressive.

Roman: We've made it safe. And she was definitely trying to escape; she had most of our ammo and medicine with her. She screwed us, Shel. All of us. And now were' in that position again where we can't keep her here and we can't let her go. You do know why I'm telling you this, right?

Roman’s telling Shel this because he wants her to shoot Stephanie, and she can’t say no.

As if this wasn’t enough of a gut punch, Shel goes back to the RV and tells Becca what’s going on.

Y’know that feeling you got when you heard AJ say he liked killing Lilly for the first time in TFS? I got a similar feeling when Becca said this:

Becca: Oh, my god. The hell did she do that for?!

Shel: Roman says we have to-

Becca: Kill her? Yeah! Why would she do this to us?!

Shel: She's just scared. She made a mistake.

Becca: Well, that'll be her last mistake!

Shel: Becca! Stephanie is your friend!

Becca: WAS my friend.

Shel’s fear that this world is changing Becca isn’t misplaced, and now she’s forced to face that reality head on once again.

Also, I’m pretty sure this is the moment that causes people to dislike Becca or think she’s annoying, but again, given what she’s been through no matter what choice you made, her reaction makes sense. If you let him go, she saw her group attacked and Boyd killed, and that showed her that it was a mistake to let that guy go. If you killed him, then she watched her older sister decide the fate of a man and then watched him be executed.

A lot of the TWDG fandom tend to intensely dislike child characters for the mere fact that they’re not Clementine, and ironically, they end up behaving in ways that make them more annoying than any child character they dislike. So I wouldn’t take their word for it when they say Becca’s a bad character. Play the story, pay attention, and make the judgement yourself.

As for the second moral dilemma in this story, Shel can either take her gun and shoot Stephanie, or she can take the RV keys and drive away. Do you agree to kill Stephanie or run away?

For me, this is an easier decision than the first one. I grabbed those keys and we got the hell outta there.

But for this choice, Shel can either give in and allow this to be who they are now in order to protect Becca, or she can prove that there are other ways, that they don’t have to stay under Roman’s thumb and kill whoever he tells them to. There’s no saving Stephanie at this point, you have no choice in that, but you do have a choice in how Shel raises Becca from now on.

Oh, and if you’re looking to get everyone to go with Tavia, you have to drive away. If you shoot Stephanie, then she and Becca will refuse to go with Tavia.

Shel’s episode is my favorite, and the perfect way to end the main story if you’re playing in chronological order. She’s another great character who I didn’t expect to make me feel the way she did.

Epilogue: Day 400

Once all five stories are finished, we’re introduced to Tavia. She’s a scout looking for survivors to bring back to her community. She talks with someone over the radio about finding all the photos and a note near Gil’s Pitstop that gives the group’s location.

Turns out that Vince, Wyatt, Russell, Bonnie, Shel and Becca all found each other and are surviving together in their campsite. Tavia approaches the group and it’s up to us to convince as many of them as we can to come with her.

For Vince, you have to shoot Danny, and with Shel you have to escape. Bonnie will agree to go no matter what. Wyatt and Russell can be convinced to join regardless of your choices. The best option is to tell them that you find people from everywhere, and Wyatt will agree to go in hopes of finding Eddie while Russell wants to find his family.

Most of the dialogue is determined by your choices, as well.

Once you have your group, the DLC ends with the group burning the photos and note, before asking Tavia how she knows if this will work out.

Honestly? Great ending, great execution of consequences brought on by your choices.

The 400 Days DLC is fantastic. It’s brilliant. I love it to pieces, and I highly encourage anyone reading this to replay it.

Don’t play S1 first, and don’t plan on jumping into S2. Play the DLC by itself, let it be a story contained to an hour of your time. That’s what I did, and I had so much fun! These characters and their stories are wonderful, the writing is phenomenal, I love it!

But... Now that I’ve spent all this time praising this DLC, calling it brilliant and encouraging everyone to revisit it... it all comes with an asterisk* attached:

*As a single experience, 400 Days is brilliant and I love it.... but when played together with S1 and S2.......

400 Days is disappointing.

That’s the glaring issue here.

I can praise this DLC all I want, and I did. That doesn’t negate the big picture, or the big problem fans tend to have with it.

400 Days acts as a bridge between the two seasons but let’s be real, the only story that actually matters here is Bonnie’s. She will always leave with Tavia no matter what, and she plays a major role in the group’s capture and eventual escape. The others make brief, meaningless cameos that only exist to make the player go-

-every time one of them shows up. We never hear from them, or about them, again after that.... so what was the point?

What was the point of 400 Days in the grand scheme of things?

400 Days becomes worse when you get your hopes up that it’s just a teaser, a little taste, of what’s to come in S2. You think these writers took the opportunity to introduce you to these important characters, tell you their backstories, so that they could be incorporated into S2′s plot as major characters.

But no, only Bonnie.

And even Bonnie’s character becomes muddled by ep5 depending on how you tried to help Luke.

The thing is, 400 Days isn’t terrible because of this. Obviously. It’s disappointing, but why it’s disappointing and the way people claim it could’ve been fixed is... well...

It’s not simple. It’s so easy to just be like, “400 Days is bad because our choices didn’t matter! It’s pointless! Why didn’t they do something else?? I know exactly how this could be fixed!”

I know what everyone always says whenever 400 Days is brought up: “The 400 Days cast should’ve been the cabin group.”

Great idea in theory, or headcanon/AU.

In execution, it would’ve been too complicated and I think we all know that, but a fandom’s hubris knows no limit when it comes to them believing they know better than the developers.

Not to say we can’t criticize issues with the writing, but it helps to at least be understanding of how things actually work, i.e. video games are hard to make and long posts on tumblr “fixing” video games are fun to read but wouldn’t actually work in practice because that’s not how video games work so maybe stop insulting the developers while acting like you know better about a field you don’t even work in.

Trust me, I know. Don’t think I’m not one of those people, I’m literally here writing you a long post on tumblr. I’m not innocent here. Have you read any of my Violet posts? You don’t think there was a long period of time where I thought *I* knew better?? I wish I could say you’re right but you’re not, I’m just as bad. I’ve said some unkind things about certain developers that I look back on and just face palm as I slowly sink back in my chair shamefully. I still agree with my criticisms but not the way I said them, and I’m trying to not be like that anymore.

All that to say it would be too complicated for the 400 Days cast to be the cabin group due to the different combinations of characters who can stay or go with Tavia. What happens to players who had only Bonnie go with Tavia? Or had all but one go? The only solution would be to have a set ending for 400 Days, removing the consequences of choice and having a more linear ending.

Y’know this would’ve gotten them the “my choices never actually matter >:[” criticism which I believe is a fair criticism of games that make these big claims about choice and consequence only to give you the illusion of it. But, there needs to be some common understanding of what can realistically be implemented in a game like that. You can’t expect them to have a thousand different outcomes and have it be a smooth, functioning game, especially when you take into account the release dates and the things going on behind the scenes at Telltale and how that affects development. These studios have deadlines, they have higher ups working them overtime so they can push as much product out as possible, they have a budget that’s never enough, and frankly, shit just happens sometimes.

I’m not saying that we can’t be disappointed. I’m disappointed that I’ll never get to know if Wyatt and Eddie reunited, or what happened to Russell. I have no idea if Shel and Becca are still alive, and I don’t know where Vince is. I don’t even know what happened to Bonnie after S2.

When thrown into the entire series, 400 Days is disappointing due to the high expectations it brings for S2, but I argue that it isn’t as terrible as people claim it is.

I literally just spent several paragraphs explaining why it’s brilliant and why you should go replay it by itself, I think it’s far from terrible and deserves praise for its characters and the moral dilemmas it presents. Don’t think about S2 while you’re playing it, that’s not the point. The point is to experience it for what it is, a series of stories set in the zombie apocalypse that all lie together in the end.

I would love to hear more thoughts about this, whether it be about the characters or what choices you made and why. Even if you disagree and think 400 Days is trash, tell me why, I’m interested to know.

In conclusion: 400 Days good. In other news: Happy New Year

As I’m writing this, it’s New Year’s Eve and I’ve got a little over an hour before midnight, sooo here’s a happy new year to everyone. I hope you’re all doing well, staying safe and healthy the best you can.

As I said at the start of this, I have another essay I’m working on related to S2.... it’s taking forever because there’s a lot to cover, it’s about some polarizing characters and choices, and I have no idea when I’ll be finished. If it takes even longer than I’d like, I’ll probably put it down and work on a smaller post in the meantime. Maybe something about the Michonne mini-series or a character analysis.

I guess my new thing is disappearing for weeks at a time only to pop in whenever there’s news about the Clementine comic or to throw down a long ass essay about something no one asked for hahaha. I can live with that, I think. I will be around for the rest of the weekend, though, so any asks about 400 Days will get answered, I’d love to hear from y’all.

Uhhh any other news... Oh, @pi-creates and I are making a new Dragon Age server on discord that we’re gonna open up soon for anyone interested in that. Right now it’s mostly just discussions about the games and lamenting about the apostates who broke our hearts... well, Pi’s lamenting, I’m mostly just spewing bitter salt about the sewer rat bastard that is my apostate boyfriend >:[ We’ll post a link once it’s ready to go, though I dunno when that’ll be. We’re pretty proud of the set up, and I made a bunch of DA emojis. It’ll be a fun time.

Think that’s everything. I wish y’all a happy, healthy new year!

#twdg #twdg 400 days #twdg vince #twdg wyatt #twdg eddie #twdg russell #twdg bonnie #twdg shel #twdg becca #twdg clementine #twdg lee #long post

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fierce-little-miana · 10 months

Note

may i ask you what u mean when you say that kodo emotionally isolated Chizuru? do you mean by not telling her of her true nature or something else? love your souji route commentary btw!!❤️

Hello anon,

I am glad your like my commentaries on Souji's route. I like making them too so at least two of us are having a nice time with them.

It is true that I must have said 3 or 4 times now that for me Kodo emotionally isolated Chizuru while raising her, without ever explaining what exactly I was referring to. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about this.

(However, please be aware that I haven't play the game in its entirety yet and I am playing Hakuoki: Stories of the Shinsengumi which is a ten-years-old game and far from the newest iteration that might explore the subject a bit more. So this is informed by the anime, the movies and the part of the game I have played as of today. Plus by some of the discussions I have seen in the fandom.)

Also, I am so very sorry for the long post.

When I say Kodo emotionally isolated Chizuru am I referring to him lying to her about who she is or to something else? The answer is both, or rather I think the lying and other things were tools he used to isolate her (emotionally and also physically to an extent) in order to control her easily.

First the lying. Kodo lied to Chizuru, and he lied to her constantly including on things that cannot be reframed as a safety issue for her. Let's list the extent of his lies:

Not telling Chizuru she is an oni: This could potentially be reframed as a way to protect her from a world that would hunt her down. However, Chizuru still knows she is not like other people because of her healing. She has to hide it from ´outside’ people. This means Kodo only gave her half of the truth so she can't have a full picture of herself while also being convinced the only person she can trust entirely is him.

Not telling Chizuru she is not his biological daughter: Kodo is not Chizuru's biological dad. Biologically I am not even sure who Kodo is supposed to be for her. He is part of the Yukimura clan but he is not a pure blood oni. This means that the closest he could be to her is her uncle as the half-brother of one her parents. In the movies Kaoru calls him "Kodo-ojisan" (meaning uncle Kodo) but in Japanese as a younger person you can call middle-aged man ojisan as a mark of respect that is less formal than san (Mister/Sir). The official French subtitles translate this as "M'sieur Kodo", an informal version of Mister Kodo. In the game I am pretty sure Kaoru only calls him "Kodo-san". Which would mean that Kodo is not extremely closely related to the Yukimura twins (personally in my fic I made him the (half-)uncle of their mother who was born only a few years before her so they were raised as siblings more than uncle-niece, which meant that while Kodo is Chizuru's great-uncle he actually served as an uncle figure, I love family drama and complicated family tree). What does any of this matter? Well this lie does not serve any safety or cultural properness purpose. Adoption was extremely common in Japan at the time. Kondo Isami was adopted, Inoue (Okita) Rintaro (Okita Souji's brother-in-law) was adopted by the Okita family, Ito Kashitaro was adopted, Iemochi the Shogun at the beginning of the Hakuouki game was adopted, twice!, apparently Okita Mitsu was adopted by the Kondo family too so she could marry Inoue (now Okita) Rintaro... It would not have been shocking for Kodo to present himself as Chizuru adoptive father. What he actually is, btw. Yet he preferred to lie to her and say that he is her father, period.

Not telling her she ever had a sibling: as a follow-up to lying to her about being her bio dad, Kodo never mentioned to Chizuru that she had a brother. Reminder that Chizuru was 7 when her village was destroyed which meant she could have memories of her previous life (I can't remember if this is a popular headcanon or something backed by canon but it was Kodo who altered her memory right?). Hypothetically Kodo could have told her she had a brother (without mentioning the twin thing considering the negative superstitions surrounding them) adding that he died/disappeared. This could have match with snippets of memory she might have. It might also have salvaged Kaoru and Chizuru's relationship if they ever met again (something I believe Kodo was planning) because I personally thing that what definitely broke Kaoru was his sister not recognizing nor remembering him at all.

All of this accumulate to create a picture of "it was always just me and my dad and no one else" (why would she ever think she might need anyone else?) and "my father is the only person I can really trust". This is plain bad for Chizuru's development as a person and an absolute lie.

To this, one must add other ways Kodo used to make Chizuru dependent on him alone:

While Chizuru is well-educated and has attended a dojo for a short while, she has no (let alone close) friend. She never mentioned anyone back in Edo. I know some of this come from otome protagonists being some sort of a blank page so you can project on them but if we compare her to Hoshino Ichika for exemple (from Collar x Malice), Ichika does have friends and relations outside of the main cast that date back before the plot kicks in. Chizuru does not, besides Kodo.

The inclusion of Iba Hachiro in the new games might mitigate that but from my understanding Kodo did put some distance between the two at some point.

Chizuru had no prospect of her own, no goal with her future life despite being on the brink of adult life. Was the plan for her to live with her father forever?

While Kodo seems to be well-integrated in the medical/scientific community, no one seems to really care about Chizuru. No one seemed to have actually looked for her after she disappeared from the family home and went missing. Chizuru was 16 when she left Edo! She must have more or less run her father's household (which must have make her interact with people), maybe she helped him in the clinic and her father must have been a known figure in the neighborhood at least (as a doctor)... I understand that were more than troubled times but no one cared about the missing 16 years old girl they must have interacted with regularly? Really?

As a result we see a Chizuru that is an extremely strong-willed (she travelled alone from Edo to Kyoto by foot at sixteen years old disguising her gender in the middle of a deeply trouble political time! That takes guts!) and rather intelligent girl, yet she is also quite timid and does not seem to have a point of reference on how people should treat her.

The Shinsengumi kidnaps her and holds her captive for months for being at the wrong place at the wrong time and she is not deeply resentful to them? She thinks they are "nice men" deep down?

It takes her being physically put in danger in the place she is forced to live in to go:

???

She has no basis for what a sane relationship with someone should look like. She take being controlled as normal. Ironically, it is with the political militia who kidnapped her that she starts learning how to interact relatively normally with people. Because for what I think is the first time in her life since Kodo adopted her, she is allowed to interact with a multitude of people who have different opinion and act as if disagreeing with each other from time to time is normal (which it is). Hijikata gave the order for her to stay in her room? Well it is stupid order and we are not following it. Etc etc.

My thoughts about Kodo's behavior is that he raised Chizuru so she would be able to nominally be the head of Yukimura clan and his future oni/rasetsu kingdom (giving her Shotsuren, making sure she is passable with it, making sure she is educated, etc.) while making sure she could never really escape his clutches and would never even think about trying to do so.

#hakuouki #hakuoki #yukimura chizuru #yukimura kodo #anon ask #also thanks to this post I realized that is the slowest playthrough of the history of playthrough #sorry everyone

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balanceoflightanddark · 5 months

Text

Alright. A while back, I answered a question regarding Claude.

The post was not good. I'll be the first to admit that I have problems with replaying games on multiple routes because I'm the kind of person that gets overwhelmed easily by so much stuff being thrown at me at once. Couple that with my issues in regards to playing games and actively making things worse (I mean I'll be the first to admit that I doom search stuff when I feel awful) AND my assuming I could just wing it without any regards to proper research, which led to a really badly worded and misrepresentation of the character. Regardless of my feelings towards Claude, nobody should get the shaft like I gave him.

For that, I apologize and I'm releasing this...I guess you could say an updated continuation of the post. I also rereleased the original and included a link so you know where I'm coming from so you can judge it in full. Here I'm just going to go through some of the big sticking points and screw-ups I made one by one.

A big thanks in advance for my friends on discord for pointing them out.

Not well-liked in either country due to his mixed heritage, he was raised in the Leicester Alliance and basically is representative of their policies.

Claude was actually raised in Almyra, not in the Alliance. He only made the transition till he was old enough to understand the situation between Fodlan and Almyra in greater detail. The two countries were political enemies, so the idea of somebody of Fodlan descent because of their parents (King of Almyra and a Duchess of Leicester) becoming king didn't win him any favors back home. Neither did his being from Almyra make him popular with the Alliance. Really part of the reason he made the transition between countries was that he wanted to open up borders and ease tensions between Almyra and Fodlan from within Fodlan's system. Which is an admirable goal, obviously.

Sadly, I screwed up since I inadvertently downplayed his childhood with Almyra by implying he was raised in the Alliance. While he definitely picked up a few habits from the Alliance, he also got a lot of his habits of secrecy since he likely wasn't all that well-liked back home. I mean he did have allies, obviously. Nader served as his combat instructor and was willing to lend his forces when called upon. But it wasn't universal. As such, I apologize for muddling up his motivations and downplaying his heritage.

Speaking of Nader...

Which comes to a head in the war. When Edelgard declares war on the Church, Claude effectively decides to stay out of it. Mainly, he essentially locks the nobility of Leicester in a bit of a stalemate for 5 years to keep themselves out of the war. His long-term strategy is to get reinforcements from Almyra so they could effectively steamroll the Kingdom and Empire who bloodied themselves from all the fighting.

And his focus on relying on his Almyran reinforcements isn't even foolproof in of itself since...well, he's relying on foreign troops arriving in a country that hates their guts. Even if the war goes in his favor, that's a bit of a hill to climb.

Yeah. I really screwed up here. While it is true that Claude probably would've used the chaos created by the war in order to restructure Fodlan similar to Edelgard and probably wouldn't have wanted to get involved in the war right away, I was wrong about the nature of his reinforcements from Almyra. Again, in Verdant Wind, he called upon Nader in order to take the strategically important Fort Merceus in his campaign against the Empire. In Crimson Flower, he only called them when Edelgard invaded Leicester. There was no indication that he would use his forces to steamroll Fodlan in a colonialist matter, which I implied. He was fit to rely mostly on Alliance forces until the need demanded help from Almyra.

As a result, I misrepresented his character, and I apologize. While I'm still not a huge fan of Claude and don't think Verdant Wind is the best route for Fodlan (it ends with another leader backed by the Church in charge with Byleth...which is the same structure that led to this whole mess to begin with), I got his character wrong and made him worse for it. I...understand why people weren't happy with the first post and feel free to call me out on that. I promise to do more research in the future on the other routes if I make any more Three Houses posts.

#claude von riegan #claude fire emblem #claude meta #fire emblem three houses #three houses #fire emblem 3 houses

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seregios-seer · 6 months

Text

Monster Review: Najarala

(I’ll also be instantiate by a new rule here that any monster with subspecies/ wildly different fights from game to game will get the long post cutoff after base monster intros)

Snaky Jakey here is a funny one. This guy was one of the monsters that blew ten year old men’s mind when I first saw his intro cutscene. Najarala still defines the primal forest to me even now. It’s the first time Monster Hunter had a proper snake monster, but thank god not the last. The coloring on Najarala really strikes me sometimes, the muted tones still coming off vibrant in contrast to the fins (plates? Spines?) on its neck. I must say I have a weird outlook on this one, since I really like the design but it somehow still comes off as middling for me, and I’m not really sure why.

4U (IG): The actual fight with Najarala is just as unique as the snake itself. The most unique attack of his (that he really likes doing in my experience) is his coil. He makes a wide circle around you, and slowly pulls closer before bursting upwards in an inescapable burn. Requiring hunters to either find the gap in his loop or dive is really neat, but as a Glaive main I never actually had to deal with this attack. The second big thing Najarala has is the scale launch. The massive tail scales he launches from his tail being able to explode due from a follow up screech is really unique, although once again I never really found much difficulty in this, although the detail of being able to destroy the scales is not lost and very much appreciated. The biggest issue by far comes from the lunge and sliding attacks at the Najarala’s disposal, and are about 8/10 hits I take from this one. Despite this, I was well into master rank before I ever realized some of the bite lunges could inflict paralysis. Not sure how tbh.

GU (Various): This fight's a lot like the 4u edition, but it certainly feels like paralysis bites are more frequent in this one. When played against hunter arts, and I used a lot of diffferent ones against this one, it becomes a really short fight tbh. Najarala flees less, and doesn't seem to have the burrowing attacks like in 4u, which were already somewhat rare already. I'd usually manage a kill before the bastard even leaves the area more often than not, so I'm overall kinda shocked how much easier this fight is.

Rating: 7.7/10

Much like his biggest attacks, the design just doesn’t hit for some reason (still soo good though).

Tidal Najarala:

So it took me a looong time to hit G rank in 4u (I was an idiot kid when I first got the game, ok?) and when I finally did, the new monster subspecies felt so refreshing and unique, and this beautiful, glorious freakshow-colored reptile is right up there for me. The colors and the elemental effects really bump my personal opinion of Najarala as a whole. Plus the coloration and status given to being a G rank monster really lands the whole "exotic" aspect for me.

4u (IG): This fight is by far faster than the baseline Najarala, and that obviously bumps the difficulty quite a bit. The amount of slam attacks I got hit by really skyrocketed in this fight. It was a bit of a coin toss on whether it felt balanced or unavoidable, but more often than not seemed like my bad. The addition of a spit attack for instilling water blight really gave some ranged ability to this fight, although Tidal tends to do wide tail sweeps compared to the small swipes of the baseline species. One of these sweeping attacks is actually the pin attack Tidal uses, which I hate purely because it makes no damn sense. If you're hit on the right, why would you ever go flying perfectly forward? But that's really more a stupid peeve of my own than anything, and overall the fight is still really fun, even moreso than the base species after you acclimate from your first attempt.

Rating: 8.6/10

Preddy colors... so cooool...

#monster hunter #monhun #MH Reviews #najarala #Tidal Najarala

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rainbowchewynuggets · 1 year

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re: the fate of TMA: Encore

Up to this point, I’ve been able to get most of TMA: Encore posted. But there are some issues that I’ve been struggling with for a while that are really starting to eat away at my ability to continue.

Even though Encore is practically fully written at this point and I’m just getting the planned drawing sections done, the writing itself is still largely what’s giving me the most trouble.

When I started this project in earnest, I was going off of a very rough outline and mostly writing on the fly. That method works fine for a lot of writers, but it turned out to be really difficult for me. I spent very long periods just trying to figure out how to get from plotpoint A to B to C. I eventually cleared some time to sit down and hammer out a proper coherent script. For logistical reasons, I gave myself about a month to get it done. And I did–which was a huge achievement for me. At the same time, as you can imagine, what I came out with was a little raggedy. I’ve been trying to make small edits as I go to smooth things out and pick up on missed opportunities, but I’m honestly starting to think that it’s just breaking other links in the chain.

The other big reason is due to my decaying relationship with horror. I used to love horror movies and video games, and I reveled in body and abstract emotional horror especially. The Thing. 1408. Silent Hill. TMA’s literary horror vibe was a transformative experience for someone who almost never read for fun growing up. It’s one of my favorite stories, period. Unfortunately, traumatic world events and difficult personal experiences have made horror a lot more… horrible to me in recent years. The tension and terror that used to give me catharsis now only causes me genuine stress. Writing horror still works for me though, which I think has also made it harder to keep myself from going overboard. That fucking concrete forest section with Jon gave me shooting pains to reread.

My point is, I just can’t get myself to relisten to TMA anymore or even take it in by summary. This has left me to rely on my own memory to keep the characters and world consistent with canon. Which is a lot like trying to draw a still-life portrait of wax fruit in 100-degree heat.

The worst part comes in realizing just how smart TMA is. Its explorations of the nature of fear and trauma are what inspired me to want to make Encore in the first place. But the structure and depth of it is even more substantial than I realized when I listened to it. For instance, I recently saw a post talking about how tragic Tim’s character is. He’s such a nice funny guy who does his best to roll with everything in S1, and is slowly ground down to a miserable angry stump of who he used to be by the time of his death. It takes years. And it’s not a natural part of his character. I didn’t write Tim that way in Encore. I figured it would be a lot easier to draw that negativity out of him, in the same way that it doesn’t take a lot of prodding to get Jon to misbehave. That interpretation serves the conflict I wanted to write, but it misses the point of his character, I think. There’s a lot of stuff like that in Encore at such a foundational level that it’s hard to level the dissonance when you compare it to the podcast.

Which sucks, because I originally conceived Encore as a retrospective on what the series was like to listen to (until it took so long to make that I pivoted to make it a separate study on the relationship between fear, pain, and agency, and the existential horror of time travel/immortality). I don’t really feel prepared to do any of that if I’m still discovering so much of what makes TMA work. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think unhinged, canonically-inconsistent fanfiction is bad or shouldn’t exist. But that just isn’t what Encore is supposed to be for me.

All this makes me feel really really… bad. A little bit incompetent, but mostly tired. There are only a few chapters left, and the script is mostly ready to go. Man, I don’t know if I want to go through with it though. My creative spirit has had it rough lately, and I’m about to make some big life changes that are going to make it way harder for me to get art stuff done. And, y’know, I’m supposed to be cutting back on the stuff that makes me more worn-out than happy.

I think I mentioned in a post a while ago that I’ve considered stopping before. I’ve had misgivings about the quality of the writing (and the sheer burden of making full pages of art) for a long time. I convinced myself to keep going because I’ve bailed on a lot of projects over the years and was determined to believe in myself and finish this thing. However, following an audit of the work I’ve put into it, I’m realizing that not finishing wouldn’t make the endeavor a complete loss.

The biggest reason that I make anything is because it makes me a better writer and artist. Even if I’m unsatisfied with the result, I feel accomplished that I sat down and wrote a whole script on a really tight deadline. My usual problem with any writing project is that it keeps sitting on the burner, boiling away, ballooning in scope until it’s impossible to finish. I feel like I’ve been able to make a greater level of peace with compromise and cutting down the stuff in my head to get shit out the door.

Also, tone is hard. Voice is hard. They can be even harder when you’re piggybacking off of another creator. Again, I don’t think that a fanwork or guest work necessarily has to have the same voice as the original. You’re different people, after all. A person can certainly train their tone toward a certain idea with effort, but it helps to know what comes naturally to them. I’m still figuring my own voice out, and it turns out that it isn’t this. The void left behind by my horror safe-space appears to have been occupied by a gif of Gir whacking Shinji Ikari over the head with a frying pan at high speed. Even in Encore’s most manic state, I strain to keep myself from pingponging out of bounds with violent emotional hyperactive energy. Maybe I can try sticking closer to writing action and comedy with only a moderate sprinkling of morose horror.

As mentioned last year, I made important realizations about the way I draw comics. I was taught to draw through studio art where putting your all into every piece is usually the goal. But that’s super unsustainable when you have 7-10 “pieces” to make on every single page. Falling apart halfway through a giant project pushed me to find ways to mitigate the workload without radically changing design consistency. That means formatting, rendering, and composition.

Even before that, the whole fear-color mechanic was a joy to build up. And I finally figured out how to do borderless color art! :3

I can bring all these improvements to the new things I do in the future. All the derivation-related issues in this project are making me think it’s time to move on to original stuff, anyway. Let me tell you, there is a ton of stuff I’d like to make.

TLDR; I’m considering not finishing TMA Encore because I think the quality of the writing has fallen apart, and I need to move away from writing horror and fanworks for a while.

So. The other reason I kept going after that long gap last year was because people appeared to be really into the story. I’d like to give you guys the chance to weigh in on how I handle this. Because for all I know, this is all happening in my head and everything is fine. Your options are:

A) Please finish the last few chapters with art, whenever you get around to it.

B) Please post the last of the script without pictures over the next few weeks.

C) Please don’t worry about finishing it.

Your answer won’t be a definitive vote on what I do, but I do want to value your opinion in what I decide. Through it all, I feel really happy that people have been able to enjoy and express opinions on the longest thing I’ve ever kept going. I look forward to whatever comes next.

Thanks!

Rainbow

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EDIT:

After careful consideration, I’ve decided to finish posting the whole thing. Chapters will be longer with way less art.

Thank you everyone, for your kind and sincere encouragement and opinions.

:’)

Here’s the next chapter btw

#tma encore #update #important

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gods-bizzarre-adventures · 1 year

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Callout post!! Sorta kinda!

this post is about @/yourlocalmewtwosimp (he/him, we'll refer to him as Seba) and if you are on the Val n Vals server youd already know whats going on

so PERSONALLY, the issue he had with me is that mf fr tried to excuse himself with his age but then once i revealed AGAIN that i was around his age and that i could relate to his problems he BLOCKED ME?? my boy if you wanted to be edgy dont crawl to adults, take it out with someone your own age

But GENERALLY he just went over and kind of?? spoke without consent to some people who felt guilty enough to lend a hand?? and once the hand was lended he REFUSED??

The whole thing is that we argued with him like three weeks ago maybe? Idk i dont have congnition of time, but it was a WHILE ago and the main issue was that this guy would not tag his stuff with proper tw/cws (which is REALLY BAD at least in this community i think) and THENNN CALLED PEOPLE SNOWFLAKES FOR NOT "TOUGHENING UP"

Yeah i know its VERY rich of me to speak since i also was kind of a dick when i was younger not gonna lie BUT MORE THAN ONE PERSON GAVE HIM ADVICE!! anyone of any age reached out to him and tried to be nice about the advice they were giving, one of our mods even went ahead to prevent Seba from any sh attempt after one of his posts about how he was gonna end himself (((i dont like to be that one person but i also feel like that was a lie to get attention, i remember i used to do that so i wouldnt be surprised but AGAIN THATS RICH COMING FROM ME /GEN)))

long story short if you dont like NOT knowing the possible tw/cws a post can contain, block this guy, as he made it kinda clear he will not give up on his beliefs that apparently hes the one in the right and a TON of people are in the wrong :D

love you guys have a great day xx

#mod adam #ooc #as an admin of the val n vals AND someone around this guy's age i had to step into this #so ya #just block this blog guys its not woth it #theres more to the conversation i wasnt being a dick i just suck at making longer posts

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goblinprincesss · 2 years

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messages from your ancestors and spirit guides (halloween special)

Hi everyone! Since it's halloween I thought this would be the perfect to get some channeled messages from your ancestors and other spirits who lovingly who watch over you. There may be messages for you in more than 1 pile, so follow your intuition and pick which image(s) you feel most drawn to to :)

If you enjoy this reading please like, comment, reblog, share, and follow for more!

⚠️DISCLAIMERS AND TRIGGER WARNING⚠️ Readings are for entertainment purposes only. Readings do not serve as a replacement for proper medical advice. Please remember that nothing is set in stone, and I am solely sharing what I think/feel based off of the energies I’m picking up at the current time of this reading. Keep in mind as well that this is a general reading, take what resonates and leave what doesn't! There is possibly triggering/mature content in this reading so proceed with caution, and take care of yourself<3 All images are from Pinterest.

Here are your choices:

Piles from top to bottom, left to right: 1, 2, 3, 4

PILE 1

They want you know that you're a star baby! I'm picking up on one specific person who's really energetic and supportive of you, could be an uncle. You are making your way through the world and things are falling into place! You're a smart person and you have no problem taking charge, I think this was definitely encouraged in your childhood. Don't sweat the small stuff, and remember that transformation is nothing to be afraid of. You could've had some deep realizations during the recent eclipse. I think if you feel a bit stuck maybe think about anything that you need to clear up. For some of you, this could mean travelling to have a difficult conversation with a father figure. Even if this person hasn't changed or doesn't feel the need to, at least when shit hits the fan you can say that you gave it your all. Don't let THEIR past hold YOU back. There's a lot of emotions going on but the overall vibe is joyful. Some of you could have won a scholarly award, or graduated school or got into your dream post-secondary institution. I'm getting that this was extra special because you were the first woman, or person in general, in your family to achieve these things. Your mother and grandmother are especially proud for you for this. Your family is so fond of you, and even if they weren't there physically to watch you walk across the stage, they are always rooting for you. Make sure that you allow time for yourself to be creative, and indulge in self care. Painting your nails a purple colour and the countries of South Asia could be significant for you. Continue on your path, you will never be lead astray as long as you believe in yourself. When times get tough, remember that you have more people on your side than you know! Oracle cards I pulled for advice: Full Moon in Cancer- A personal issue reaches resolution Gibbous Moon- You're very close to achieving your goal Mutable Moon- Nothing is yet set in stone New Moon In Pisces- Meditate and contemplate Initials that may be significant to you: J, A, O, M, L, Q, Y, Z

PILE 2

They want you to know that you have all the resources you need, you just need to open your eyes! Some of you could be deeply religious, if you're feeling lost, consult someone within that community. There's a choice that you have to make: be stuck or take the leap into the unknown. The season of winter, specifically December could be a turning point for you, things will just seem to fall into place once you let go of what's holding you back. You could have just met some people at work who you truly connect with, share your ideas with them about projects because you could create something extremely beneficial to your company or society. For some this could be starting your own business or inventing/patenting an invention. Some of you may have a daughter who struggles with anxiety- please continue to be patient, shaming her will only worsen her symptoms and will completely destroy her self-esteem. For some of you, you were very close with your older brother or an older brother figure, they are watching over and want you to remember what they told you before they had to leave (maybe in the year 2008?). Something about trees.. stand tall like a tree, maybe? I believe First Nations peoples call trees The Standing People, so this may resonate. If you've been feeling under the weather, take a nice, warm Epsom salt bath- it will help you relax and sort out any ideas (make sure to keep track of any ideas, you might need this for later!). Ireland, Sweden, and the colour orange could hold a special meaning for you. Spend time around animals, this could be a very healing experience for you. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Oracle cards I pulled for advice: Full Moon in Gemini- The answers you need are coming Full Moon- Surrender to the Divine New Moon in Libra- A new romantic cycle begins Full Moon in Capricorn- The end of a tough cycle approaches Initials that may be significant to you: B, I, J, K, T, A, S, W

PILE 3

They want you to rest before you burnout! You've been working so hard that you forget to go to bed at a reasonable time (you need at least 7-9 hours of sleep to function properly), or even eat. There's definitely some project or life event that have taken your time to recharge away from you, you've been working hard to wrap things up and move onto the next stage of your life. You are the boss, baby! There's heavy saturn energy here which tells me that time and time again you've had to practice discipline and you understand that you reap what you sow. Yukon Territories may be significant, as well as mountains and volcanoes. Some of you may be environmentalists and have been organizing rallies and protests and this is what has been taking up so much of your time. Your spirit guides are so proud of you for taking up this task, and I want to thank you because this kind of work is not easy and often times you will not be taken seriously. You are the protector and wise teacher, most of what you know was taught to you, I feel like you could've grown up in a very close community (fishing communities for some). Your family is always smiling down at you, they are overjoyed that you have remained true no matter what. Accepting responsibility and taking on such huge pressures takes a lot of courage, most people shy away because of how taxing it can be. Keep fighting for what you believe in, and surround yourself with people who ready to help you make changes! Listen to to All Star by Smash Mouth when you're feeling down, it will really raise your spirit up :) Oracle cards I pulled for advice: South Node- Don't let your past hold you back Cardinal Moon- Be bold and make the first move New Moon in Scorpio- Work through your fears Blue Moon- Believe in the impossible Initials that may be be significant to you: P, K, V, I, W, R, U, O

PILE 4

They want you to realize how blessed you are! Some of you could be getting married to a high school sweetheart or a person you met through work. Both of you are very successful people and are coming together to build an empire. This is actually so sweet I want to cry. You have such a beautiful soul and you come from a long line of prosperous individuals. I feel like some of you may have several ethnicities in their family, and you have also travelled a lot. This is a perfect time to settle down or put your roots in the ground if that's what you and your partner want. You are very adventurous and understand the importance of culture and the arts. Please be aware of fraud or scammers, these could even be people who say they're your friend (you could've been friends with this person for 6 years). Even if you grew up in a family that was upper middle class, you were taught that only you can make things happen and riding on other's tailcoats is dishonourable. You are the manifester of your reality. If you are marrying someone, they are the yin to your yang, you complete each other so wonderfully. They've helped you look at things differently and encourage you to be your best self, and vice versa. Forests near the beach could be significant, maybe the wedding venue is in a similar location. Nicki Minaj might be an artist you could listen to when you need a little pick me up. Some of you could speak several languages and this has lead you to teach all over the world. There might've been an elderly lady in Japan that you connected with, she thinks of you often. Get in touch with people if you've been putting it off, everyone wants to know how you're doing. Some of you could be struggling with self-esteem, some because they aren't used to being loved so openly and without strings, and others for separate reasons. Please don't isolate yourself! You are worthy of love! These next few months will be a bit hectic, but the results will be worthwhile. Everything will fall into place. Oracle cards I pulled for advice: New Moon- A new start is coming! Waning Moon- What do you need to release? Full Moon in Aquarius- Show the world the real you Waxing Moon- The energy is gaining momentum New Moon in Leo- Confidence is your key to success Initials that may be significant for you: S, M, B, H, A, I, O, L

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s0undsinmyhead · 1 year

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After all my rants about Alex’s horrible departure I just want to make clear that what I’m most angry about is the complete destruction of Alex’s character. I already see this becoming a rant. Hopefully my last on this subject.

My last couple too long posts ranting about this focus a lot on Jo and Izzie. But at the end of the day it’s not that Alex and Jo aren’t together or that Alex and Izzie are. I like Jo and Alex together, but I could take it or leave it. They’ve had seasons where I was over them. I did always hate Izzie and Alex together I’ll admit that.

But the real issue isn’t about any ship it’s about Alex. And the focus goes to Jo because that’s the relationship that shows most how all his character development was destroyed. Alex is a good man and he loves Jo and he knows her past. Jo was abandoned when she was a week old and that gave her some trauma. Then add in Alex’s own trauma of being abandoned by his deadbeat alcoholic father. Being walked out on and abandoned by Izzie during their garbage marriage. And we you consider these things and the fact that Alex is a good person who cares about people and is honorable and has worked for years to not be a loser like his father, the idea that not only he would abandon Jo but that he would do it without saying a word. He would do it by lying and not calling. That he would leave Jo like Izzie left him, knowing how painful that is. That he would be too cowardly to come home and tell Jo to her face that he was leaving her. Goes against everything Alex has become over the last 16 seasons. Not limited to his relationship with Jo but with anyone.

I feel the same way about how he left Meredith. It was less an outright betrayal but it was still awful. Walking out on your best friend in the world without even saying goodbye? Alex was her person and she was his. He took that very seriously, they were family. To just drop her like he did is absurd. Alex would kill for Mer, do the writers expect me to believe he’d kill for he’d die for her but he can’t be bothered to say a proper goodbye. Let’s pretend that nonsense they wrote about him not saying goodbye bc he knew Mer could talk him out of moving to be with his kids, like she would ever do that. Alex left without saying goodbye to the kids. How can any of us ever believe Alex would leave without saying goodbye to Zola, Bailey, and Ellis. He loved those kids like they were his own. He took care of them like they were his own. Alex who loves kids and understands them more than anyone in the show is just going to abandon his first family without a word? I don’t think so. Obviously, he has to go and raise his kids but I don’t believe for a second Alex wouldn’t Sit down with Mer’s kids first and tell them how much he loves them and always will and how much he’s going to miss them and how they have cousins to visit.

So anyway long rant I didn’t plan over. I will never be okay with Alex’s exit.

#but I should probably move on #I still haven’t moved on from Marks death #long rant no one cares about #greys anatomy #alex karev #jo wilson #jo karev #meredith grey #anyway I can’t believe teddy cheated on Owen #like damn girl #I don’t even like him and that was too much

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jacquelinemerritt · 1 year

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Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged Episode 6 Review

Originally posted on November 5th, 2015

The one where Cloud actually crossdresses.

So two weeks ago I talked about how Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged has shown the extent by which Team Four Star has grown, especially in regards to their handling of representation of the queer community, and how Cloud’s crossdressing arc showcases the utmost respect they have for trans and gender nonconforming folks. And this episode is no different, with Cloud’s crossdressing only being seen as degrading by one character, and praised by the rest.

Now, if you’ve been following me for a while (or read my last review of FFVII:MA), you’ll recall that the first time Team Four Star had a character make fun of a masculine woman, I was very critical, pointing out that being demeaned is something that trans and masculine women are forced to deal with on a regular basis.

I also argued that in the context of the show, having the only masculine woman be treated this way during the only time she is asserting her proper gender feels more like the intent is to make fun of masculine and trans women in general, rather than being the bit of representation they likely intended.

With FFVII:MA, however, Takahata101 seems to be going out of his way to assert something different: namely that trans and masculine women’s genders are valid, and it is only reasonable to treat their gender as such.

With that in mind, Tifa making fun of Cloud for crossdressing works, because it matches the cruelty and emotional carelessness of her established character without being the only voice we hear speaking of Cloud’s crossdressing.

The Church of Brodin has been more than supportive, a group of Chip ‘n’ Dale dancers gladly gave Cloud panties, Giuseppe is more proud of Cloud than his own son, and Aerith has been nothing but supportive since the beginning. And to top that all off, not even Don Corneo rejects Cloud upon discovering his true gender; if anything, he seems more excited once he knows the truth.

None of that is to say that this episode is perfect, of course. It suffers from some pacing issues, which is par for the course when Team Four Star is dealing with slower and calmer material. In particular, the scene in the “sex dungeon” feels slow, and while the slowdown is necessary to develop character (and expand upon Aerith’s innocence and jealousy), it feels like a significant shift both from the rest of the episode and the series as a whole, in regards to both pacing and tone.

The tonal shift in that scene might pay off later, of course; it could easily be a sign of the kind of moments we can expect to see in the future, and if that’s the case, then it means Takahata101 is working to overcome Team Four Star’s weaknesses in slower storytelling.

Rating: 4/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

Cloud: “One drugs, please.”

Cloud: “Grapefruits and three bras.” *sigh* Rookie mistake, Cloud. Everyone knows for a quick and dirty breast form you use nylon socks filled with grain and tied shut.

Cloud: “You don’t want me. I’m a virgin!” Poor, sweet, little Cloud, unaware of predators love for innocent prey.

Before I close, I want to take a brief moment to talk about the importance of representation. To do this, I’m going to take a small tangent. Back when I published my review of Dragonball Z: Abridged Episode 15, not long after KaiserNeko decided to reblog it and spread it, I received a message whose sender I am making anonymous, and in it I was asked “who are you and what makes you think Team Four Star needs to pander to tumblr gender politics.”

Well, sender, the truth is, I am but a humble critic, and my personal reasons for wanting to see proper representation of gender nonconforming folk is not a sufficient reason for them to want to do better (well, it kinda is, but I’ll get to that). There is, however, a sufficiently compelling reason for them to do so, and that reason is respect.

By acknowledging criticism of their representation and working to better it in the future, Team Four Star shows that they have respect for their viewers that they may have misrepresented, and for the actual experiences that they must go through every day. “Tumblr gender politics” in general is based upon this same notion, and through efforts to raise awareness about what these people’s experiences are, they imply the need for respect of their person, and show the harm of disrespecting someone’s identity.

The next question you might ask, then, is why I personally care so much about this notion of respect, and specifically how it relates to the treatment of trans and gender nonconforming women. And the answer, reader, is pretty damn simple: I’m a trans woman.

#ffviima #final fantasy vii machinabridged #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ff7ma #final fantasy 7 machinabridged #film criticism #ffviima ep06 #well i wasn't expecting this!#didn't realize that i actually properly came out in one of my reviews #pretty neat though :)#other than that i think this review is solid #and cloud is a trans woman #fight me

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polarisbibliotheque · 2 years

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Update - My Health Saga

Hey guys! I hope you are all doing fine, my beautiful amazing beings that lighten up my day with your presence ^^

I decided to make a post about my health saga (yeah, not a journey; it's almost a walk to Mordor already) so maybe it can help other people going through it as well - and also explaining a bit to you all.

As a big summing up of what I'll be saying here: don't give up on your health and keep going. Someday you'll get a diagnosis and a proper treatment. It can seem like a neverending quest, but trust me, it WILL get to a resolution - sometimes, taking much more time than we actually thought it would. But it is NOT forever.

(Yes. Long post ahead)

So, flashback to 4 years ago.

I was the most hopeless workaholic you could ever think of. I usually stayed at work for 10h, didn't have breaks for the bathroom/drinking water and stopped eating lunch. I was fresh out of college and bullied by my co-workers (having previously been bullied at school and still recovering from it) and my boss knew it and did nothing. My health started going on a downward spiral, but there was nothing I could do.

I tried to find another job, but unemployment was already becoming a huge issue in my country. Why did I stay there? My parents couldn't get retired and couldn't find a job, so it was up to me and my sister to provide everything in the house and hold it all together. She couldn't do it alone, so I couldn't just throw my hands in the air one day and leave. I had to stay there or find a new job.

After 2 years without vacations, I got fired by my new boss only 1 week before taking my 30 days of vacation I had stored up and I desperately needed - and her reason to do so is that I was unmotivated.

Needless to say, I broke down (and got trauma from work). It was a 2h ride back home and I walked all the way back, thinking what the hell I'd tell my parents and my sister. I literally lost everything I had build up to that point in my life.

I tried so hard to find a new job, I sent thousands of CVs, I went to interviews, but I was never able to find something. I started a post-graduation, for everyone was telling me that was what was missing from my CV, but I couldn't focus and had to drop out.

I wasn't doing anything right. I was just trying so so so hard to get my life back, to have my sense of self back - all the while my body was slowly crumbling and I was eating less and less, feeling sick every time I had any kind of food, healthy or not.

Then the pandemics came, we got in a lockdown and I lost my sanity as well as the rest of health I had.

My mom got increasingly worried and I lost lots and lots of weight - I'm currently underweight and people think I'm doing fine. Still, I always tried to go back to my old self, to what I knew I was - desperately trying to hold on to anything that gave me a sense of who I was.

After around a year and a half of lockdown, we started seeing doctors - I needed help. I really needed help, even though I ignored it to keep going, to keep trying.

We went to 6 different doctors and I went through all the medical exams you can imagine. Invasive ones, non invasive, blood tests... The whole thing. I got skinnier, exhausted and barely able to do the things I always did. To the point of looking at myself in the mirror and not knowing who the hell that was - externally and internally.

All doctors told me the same thing: I had to do yoga, I had to meditate and relax, I had to take a few pills for pain because of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) and just... Try to eat. That simple.

Can you imagine it? I never thought of just trying to eat!

(read it with sarcasm)

Now, I've always been the "I never give up and I do what I set out to do even if the whole world is against me" person in my house. But I got to a point I sometimes can't even get up from bed - I have no energy.

Just imagine how mad, confused, sad and exhasperated I got the first time I realized I couldn't get up from kneelling on the floor without help. I barely have the strength to walk up a hill - and that comes from someone who spent more than 12 years doing sports, dancing, swimming, tennis, running, strength training, HIIT, cardio, fighting and such on a weekly/daily basis.

Every time I have to call my mother to help me get up from kneeling/leaning down I feel like... Well, I feel like if I was Vergil from DMC, I wouldn't even think about using the Yamato to save my crumbling ass. I'd do it, no matter the consequences.

My mom found a 7th doctor earlier this year and I was so tired. I told her I didn't want doctors anymore - I was ok with being sick for the rest of my life, even if I didn't know how long that would be in that condition. I gave up on hope, on doctors, on medicine, everything.

So she dragged my ass to the doctor's office.

More thousands of exams. MRIs, blood tests, feeling miserable, invasive exams... Nothing new. And the more time passed, the weaker I got.

And then, after 4 years struggling with this mysterious health issue, my doctor got 2 diagnosis: SIBO and Primary Sclerosing Colangitis.

For SIBO, it was more of a try really rather than a certainty - but I got the reactions from the tests, even if they were negative (there are 2 types of SIBO, but in my country we only have 1 type of test). I took an antibiotic and lo and behold, my quality of life improved drastically.

I wasn't fully cured, but hey, I could eat soup! That was a huge improvement for someone living literally of just bread and tea for more than a year.

For Primary Sclerosing Colangitis, my doctor started asking some pretty expensive and obscure exams regarding the liver (you guessed it, my sister has to pay for everything and I never felt so useless in my life) because one of my blood tests always came back with a huge alteration and everyone dismissed as "something normal to me".

Again. I had been to 6 doctors. And all of them thought it was because I drank or used drugs, even though I could barely eat food.

So, after two MRIs, Primary Sclerosing Colangitis. That means the bile ducts to my liver, internal and external, are slowly closing, slowly fading away, until one day they won't be there anymore and I'll have a cirrhosis, needing a liver transplant to stay alive.

There is no cure and no treatment. It's a super rare disease and guess I was chosen by the gods to carry it. Now, the catch is, there are people who don't develop it quickly and live their whole lives without getting to a bad stage and there are people who live three years and have to go over two or more transplants. There's no way to tell how mine is going to develop.

Needless to say, it's a lot to deal with. Really a lot. Suddenly I'm 28 years old and I have to start thinking about life insurance, health plans that cover transplants, retirement, disability retirement, how to deal with friendships, how to get into relationships with something like this, if I'll be able to have kids, how long I'm going to live and what do I want to do before I die.

I started taking a medication that isn't protocol but has good results in holding back the disease, and thankfully my most recent blood tests have already drastically changed. From April to now, August, my liver enzymes are doing a lot better.

And then I went to a clinical nutritionist who has asked me another exam and finally my final diagnosis is Dysbiosis! Basically, my gut bacteria is all wrong and making me sick with everything, even if I don't have any kind of food allergies (trust me, I tested it too).

I just started a new diet with lots of suplements and medications from both doctors and it's the first time in 3 years I'm able to eat 3 meals a day, consisting of proper food: soup, chicken, fruits, vegetables, yogurts, cookies, teas, mug cakes... A whole bunch of things I didn't even remember how they tasted like.

Of course, for a month I'll have to eat it all in very small quantities and cannot eat gluten, lactose or sugar (or at least keep a very low amount of sugar in my diet). My parents managed to recently get their retirement and, even if it is kinda low and not at all what we were expecting, it's already helping - as I'm not being able to help anymore.

(That scene from Sandman where Morpheus just got back from the waking world and is trying to muster all his strength to put everything back into place but then he falls on the ground, tired, broken, beaten down by 100 years of abuse in the hands of his captors? The way his eyes were glistening with tears of anger and despair? Not knowing who he is without his tools? Yeah. I felt that.)

Weirdly enough, it's the first time in 4 years I'm feeling a slight sliver of hope - I'm showing some improvement, I have a proper diagnosis I can shove in the face of everyone who had ever told me I was just a brat who didn't want to eat, I finally have a light regarding my health. I have a prospect that at least I can get better and fight my chronic illness until the Fates decide it's my time to go.

If it wasn't for my mother, though, I'd have given up. Honestly. She kept trying, she kept dragging me around. She's still doing it, helping me with all the implications of having a chronic illness that I know not how it will develop in the future.

So, Polaris, what's the moral of the story?

As bitter and gloomy as I am, the moral is: don't give up. Don't EVER give up. I know how it is like to have people look at you, doctors even, as if you're crazy, as if you're just a little brat who's throwing a tantrum, as if you're not making enough effort to heal yourself. I know how it is to feel hopeless, to feel like there's no perspective of ever getting back to be a healthy person or at least find the proper medication to help you with your struggles.

But don't give up. Even if you're feeling like you're dragging your crumbling body around, don't give up. It may seem stupid, but seeing V and Vergil in DMC5 always gave me some kind of "C'mon, I can't let go now, I have to keep trying. At least one more time." and maybe you can find something that gives you motivation too - but keep going.

It might take a lot of time, but you will find a doctor who will know what kind of problem you have and help you. In the end, with the Colangitis, my doctor accidentally found it and I'm being able to take the meds to hold it back a lot earlier than many people - and that might be something that will help me in the long run. Weirdly, it was good that we stumbled on it so soon, not when my liver is already failing. Again, it took me 7 doctors, but he did what no one could do before. Maybe you're in the brink of finding your doctor as well. So don't give up know.

That's why sometimes I'm absent for weeks or even a month - my health isn't always at its best and I'm always having to do lots and lots of medical checks to keep track of it. That's why sometimes it takes me a long while to reply my messages - but I can assure you all, this blog and the Shall Never Surrender Project is something so dear to me. I'm feeling useful again and I have only to thank you for being here with me and reading what I have to say.

Is this a huge TEDtalk? Oh yes. Apologies for making it so long, but we are long and complex stories anyway. I just thought this might help someone who's going through some existential crisis while battling their health issues. Or other issues too.

My new meds have literally just arrived and honestly people, I promised my gods I'd start some competitive sport if I get better this time. If all goes well, hopefully you'll be able to see me competing on archery or something of that kind next year ;)

That's a nice perspective to have. Don't forget yours. And keep going, no matter what.

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championofnyx · 2 years

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Misperception of Issues and Lack of Treatment Part 3: The Exceptions That Make the Rule

In season three, episode 21, we see Gar and Vic talking about Vic’s new found controle over his post-metron cleanse technological implants and mentioned that he and Megan have been talking about the stages of grieve, personally about the life he once thought he would live and the body he had lost, and were he was in this journey, implying ongoing conversation throughout this process. In season four we see him fully accepting his new situation, a new member of the justice league, and having matured enough to actively help his friends in their own journeys to self acceptance, both as a supporter and as an advice giver.

While Vic’s treatment was delicately integrated through dialogue, we got to see more of Gar’s throughout season four. Coming to terms with the death of several loved ones, including his mother, the doom patrol, Wally, and Conner assisted through therapy, medication, a support animal, and his friends capping off a season long downward spirit further into a depressive episode. Vic and Gar received a level of support that was either nonexistent or short lived in the cases of Mary and Brion, so why were their needs properly addressed?

On average ~50% of patients that suffer from various mental illnesses feel involved in their treatment decisions, including a diagnosis. ~55% feel they were given time to express their needs and ask about treatment, and ~20% believe that they didn’t receive the treatment needed. These statistics are pulled from sample ages of 5-32, the age group of both characters, Kalder being the older at 26 and the youngest being Cass or Tara (I think) at 16 with its current audience being pulled from around this age group, accounting for five years older and younger.

Positive reputation of addressing and managing mental illness: therapy, actively engaging with your road to healing, medication when needed are all shown, both in the case of Gar and Vic, but it would be accurate to portray mental health struggles as something that is always addressed, diagnosed, and treated properly. It’s important to show that there are gaps within our real world health system reflected in the media, and even more for us, the audience, to understand that the actions of these characters made in moments of vulnerability and instability can be explained, if not always excused.

This being said, why were Vic and Gar’s struggles noticed by others? There wasn’t a change in behavior that implied self-healing. With Mary, she stopped forming into Sergeant Marvel, Brion tempered his anger, allowing those around them to believe that the issue had been properly addressed and didn’t require further involvement. Vic wasn’t adjusting, he continued self-isolation even after a change in environment (moving to the hub) and Gar’s downward spiral never gave a momentary glimpse that it was taking an upward trajectory. In simpler terms, they were constantly fighting their problems, which made them easier to recognize, much as it is in the real world. Going through phases of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ mental health can be viewed as dramatized or not something deserving of proper treatment because it’s not ‘as bad as others have it’ while those who show consistent, and after downward trending, mental states are viewed as ‘deserving’ of treatment. Of course, this is not every case, but there is a strong correlation between the display of symptoms and treatment.

Young Justice is attempting to accurately describe mental illness in hopes that members of its audience who have experienced similar struggles are able to relate, as well as hopefully give others the courage to seek help if it’s not being provided to them. But it would be inaccurate to display everyone’s journey to recovery as a linear progress that was helped and supported by everyone around them. So instead of showing one happy ending narrative of mental illness that is only achievable in preferable circumstances, the writers have instead decided to provide several.

All this to be said, the fallen heroes previously mentioned fell not because of some inherent moral corruption, but rather as a result of manipulation that could have only occurred due to a lack of treatment and support. If you feel a connection or sympathy to them, you are not an inherently bad human because neither of them are inherently bad humans. Their stories were written to be compelling to audiences, as all characters should be, so don’t feel wrong for being compelled.

#Young Justice #Young Justice outsiders #young justice phantoms #mary bromfield #brion markov #garfield logan #victor stone

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vaicomcas · 2 years

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Hi again. It's the anon who asked for fic recs. :) To answer your question first, I would love it as long as it's Castiel-centric (don't really mind whether there's shipping or not as long as the story is good and Cas is being his awesome self) though currently I'm craving happy fics only because the Nov 5 stuff make me sad with how the story ended for Cas (definitely adding your fic in my To-Read list for better days though). I wanna read him getting the happiness and love he deserves.

One of the things that drew me to his character (the very first fics that I've read that accidentally got me into the fandom were finale fix-its) was reading about this millenia old being not knowing the form his happiness could possibly take and then capitalizing on his deal with an incomprehensible primordial entity that's less of a deal and more of a curse to save the man he loves. My personal interpretation for that had always been that the happiness comes from being able to speak his truth and at the same time knowing that he'd get to ensure that his loved one lives on. Because if happiness is just solely in the being, the deal would have been triggered even before that (since nothing has essentially changed with his being) and it can't be just in the saying (because he'd have to consider how his words are received). Not to mention that it should have been impossible for him to find happiness in that moment because the knowledge of the deal hangs over his head and yet he was able to do so and for a purpose. That's kinda amazing so I kept reading more (just those fixits at first and then I just diverged) Most of them were Destiel and I did enjoy the ones that gave Cas a happy ending. The more I read though, the more I noticed that for a lot of Destiel fics, despite being written with obvious fondness with Castiel's character, his feelings and relationships to other characters become secondary to whatever comfort he can provide to address Dean and his issues. For example, I don't understand it when Jack would bring Cas back because of Dean. Isn't he Cas' son and wouldn't it make more sense if he was more protective over him and would attempt to do so regardless? (which is how I'm choosing to interpret why Cas was in heaven in the finale but he never showed up again? Haha don't actually know how to separate what really happened or not since I really haven't watched a single episode and could only assume canon events from the commonalities in canon divergent fics)

I'm sorry that this got long but existing in the fringes of the fandom without technically being in it means I don't have many people to talk about this with. :)

Oh OK so now I have two I think you may like. They are both actually a bit destiel but just in the background.

The love story of the Runner up (its about Cas having a relationship with a normal well adjusted kind man)

Pretend you are going to miss me (it's post-cannon and all the angels are resurrected and it's from Balthazar's perspective but still all about Castiel and it's also very angel centric which is refreshing)

In addition I enjoyed most of Northern Sparrow's fics (back in the days when I can still enjoy destiel. She does give Cas proper credit for how amazing he is and there is a lot of tear jerking moments but they all have happy endings. The two I liked best were Forgotten and The most important thing. I can't read them anymore because there is too much Dean in them but if it doesn't bother you then they are very good stories.

Thanks for reaching out and if you end up liking these I'd love to hear about it, but quite OK if not, like I said fics are so personal.

And no Jack didn't bring Cas back because of Dean, if that's in some fic then I'm glad I didn't read it. Cas is in heaven but never showed up again because the writer didn't care about Cas and once he was sacrificed he was only given an afterthought of a line from Bobby that he was in heaven. Dean never even asked Jack to bring Cas back.

If you don't want to watch the show I don't blame you. You can look up the plotlines in superwiki if the fics get confusing.

And thank you for defending Castiel's own awesomeness despite never having even seen the show.

#ask #justice for castiel

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