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johannwolfgangvongoethe · 7 months

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Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that seperates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since incame is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

#enstars #ensemble stars #enstarsposting #did i overreact and write too much..... ah... nay......

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theorahsart · 7 months

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hi im really sorry if this comes off the wrong way, but I saw your comic and I wanted to ask a question. thing is the 'gradient' version of the autism spectrum made a lot of sense to me. cause I literally do feel "a little autistic" (again I'm so sorry if this comes off wrong! I don't want to be one of those people who's like everyones a little autistic) I have a little bit of a lot the symptoms but not enough/causes enough issue to actually be autistic/asd. e.g. I struggle with eye contact occasionally - sometimes people look over their shoulder and I realise I've been staring over their shoulder instead of making eye contact - but again only occasionally. I occasionally struggle with sarcasm (I used to struggle A LOT but I've gotten better) but again only really a little more than average - not nearly as much as my family for example (I'm fairly certain my mum has ASD but I don't want to armchair diagnose). I used to be overly sensitive and prone to tantrums but not really any more. I am definitely INCREDIBLY PRONE to stimming. routines - I am very prone to routines, the only way I get things done each day is by having a specific order I do them in and I get uncomfortable when someone breaks that routine - but also my own inability to do things and manage my time causes me to REGULARLY break my own routines. I get overstimulated by lights/noises/smells, more than average but not really that much that its debilitating, and not any more often than my friends or family. the one that finally prompted me to send this ask - I just recently learned that autism affects motor control and I recalled mum saying both her and I have poor spatial awareness which I think relates to motor control.

HOWEVER again even though I kinda have a little bit of everything im definitely not autistic. I speak with a normal tone and I only have very slightly poorer social skills than average. I didn't have any delays in development - started speaking at the right time and all. also all my symptoms are slight and none interfere with daily living.

anyway my point is the "little bit autistic" made a lot of sense to me and I was wondering if you could consolidate what I experience with the points you've made? or maybe what I'm experiencing is just normal, maybe everyone struggles with eye contact, understanding expressions etc. from time to time, in which case im very sorry for wasting your time and downplaying autistic struggles

Hello anon! Thank you for the question- I'm sure lots of people maybe wonder the same thing, so I will answer as best I can (I'm sorry for the long answer, I like giving lots of context)~

So first of all, yes, everyone struggles with all the same things autistic ppl struggle with from time to time. As you say yourself, the only point to really have an autism label is that we need to separate the 'from time to time' from the 'has a significant impact on my life and needs exploring'.

Its messy and complicated and, since by its nature is a social difference, will probably be defined in a different way in the future and was defined in a different way in the past. But yes, ultimately, if it isnt impacting your life enough that you feel the need to explore the label, then maybe you aren't autistic.

HOWEVER

People are as complicated as labels for social differences lol I'm not you and dont know you. People who've had to grow up suppressing themselves in order to fit in, often learn to put up with a base level of discomfort that becomes the norm for them, and they think they're doing just fine and then realise at some point that they're really not fine. Or they think theyve had anxiety their whole lives when in fact they were surpressing sensory issues. Or they've never learned emotional vocabulary and had no compass to guide them in looking at their own feelings, therefore ignoring negative feelings. The human mind is very good at ignoring things and maladapting.

Basically, just because someone says something doesnt impact them, doesnt mean that's neccasarily true. So I dont want to answer your ask with a simple 'if you arent suffering then you're not autistic' cos thats not how human perception and self knowing works.

I'm afraid my very unhelpful official answer is: 'A little autistic' doesnt exist (it really doesnt, autism is too complicated for such a nice simple label as that!) but if you feel that label previously worked for you, then you may want to do some self reflection and think about why you felt you wanted or needed that label. Maybe you should reflect on the reasons behind the autism traits you feel you relate to.

ie. is your occasional lack of eye contact

- due to you fixating on the moments when you dont make eye contact

-due to you feeling naturally inclined to not make eye contact but forcing yourself to do it out of politeness

-due to anxiety/shyness

These answers could all mean you have autism or not autism for different reasons, but when you start to think about the why behind any of these reasons and talk to people about these reasons, it can help you to understand yourself better, which could lead to you deciding you're autistic, or maybe looking into other things such as ADHD, or realising you have some emotional trauma to deal with, or just making pecae with who you are.

But right now, the fact youve sent me a very long message listing various traits suggests you're not entirely at peace with who you are and are looking for answers! I would take that to mean that you *do* struggle in some way, or are at least feeling your experience is not a normal experience. This seems like a good time to start exploring how different you are or are not to others and what that means to you. I know thats a very therapist kinda answer, but I hope its some kind of helpful for you!

#sorry this mightve not been helpful #but good luck on your journey of exploration

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st5lker · 10 months

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super long post sorry i just upped my dose of vyvanse so i have a lot to say. anyways one strange phenomenon i find on tumblr although it really shouldnt be surprising by now i suppose is the fact that people seem to believe that everything has an objective answer. and like yeah of course this is the Nuance is Dead website but its still strange to me like ive been making many polls recently on things im genuinely curious to see differing opinions on, because theyre on inherently divisive topics that i really dont believe there's any "right" answer to (the 'is it weird when gay people sexually fantasize about converting straight people' being the biggest one but also that one i just made abt adhd and autism), but the replies to a lot of those polls have people seeming to talk as if there are objective measurable ways to prove a 'right' and 'wrong' answer on topics that ultimately dont affect all that much. questions like that will always have different reactions from different people, even people who generally agree on most big topics, because everyones life experiences and individual opinions will give them different reactions and morals to minute topics like that and its not like you can make legislation or policy about something like that no matter how strongly people might feel in one direction or the other so it ultimately comes down to your own opinion/sense of morals and curating your own experiences.

but people seem to speak about everything as if its another "should you be conservative or not" where the "difference of opinion" is basically whether or not you can recognize easily proved facts or if just straight up do not want minorities to have rights. and the consequences of having the wrong opinion result in real and tangible actions with massive impact (legislation). i think people got so exhausted about people treating issues like that as if they're "ambiguous" when there's a really obvious answer for everyone that isnt a bigot that they started seeing every single issue as if there must be a "correct" answer as well, but the reality is that for the vast vast majority of things there isnt anywhere close to an objective answer, even within the popular leftist moral compass.

there is no "correct" answer to lgbt discourse. yes even that discourse that youre thinking of right now. there is no "correct" answer to the morality of liking some media, or having some sexual fantasy. like, when it comes to things that i and all of my friends feel very strongly about, like some of those fantasies or lgbt discourse, i can and will shame or judge or debate or distance myself from people who disagree with me, because i have every right to. recognizing that morality is subjective doesnt mean i can't care. it just doesnt mean i think im objectively "correct". im going off of my own sense of morality, yknow? which is fine! we don't really have any choice but to do that in order to make progress. but i still AM doing that and i can recognize that because i think its important to, and doesnt undermine my own morals.

so i suppose its just a bit strange to me when people act like theres objective answers on things like that when like, you can never objectively prove morality because it's inherently subjective. even the basic question of "do you want to help or harm other human beings" gets muddied, because for as much as it might seem evil (and i honestly think it's evil as well), someone can truly and earnestly define "morality" as a based on helping yourself first and alone with no regard to other humans. i think everyone has every right to not want to associate with people who have certain opinions/do certain things, or even to associate with people who associate with them. its extremely easy to curate who you associate with in this day and age. but its still extremely strange to me when people talk about morality as if it is objective. i understand why, i do, i'm not really criticizing anyone for it especially since this is all about how things are worded and you cant always be like 'but remember this is subjective!' in every argument so i get it. but i think if you're reading this and realizing that you haven't been thinking of morality as subjective, it might be time to start. not because i want to defend anyone, really, but because understanding and recognizing that morality is subjective is a prerequisite to being able to change other people's minds and move the world towards your own sense of morality

#tl;dr basically i think everyone needs to kind of remember that morality is an inherently subjective thing #and thats fine! by all means use your own definition of morality! i use mine all the time when making judgements on right and wrong #but its a bit strange when people just. seem to forget that? like i said recognizing this is one of the most important skills you can have-#-in terms of changing people's minds. if you act like morality is objective you will ultimately lose all of your debates.#because for as obvious as it feels to you its just not possible to objectively prove anything is 'moral' to someone whose idea of 'morality #i think thats also the crutch most conservatives and evangelicals etc fall on. this idea that their idea of morality is objective and true.#because of The Bible. and theres a reason the only people that agree with them are either brainwashed or have something to gain from it

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casasupernovas · 3 years

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so i have been rewatching series 1 and 2 of doctor who and i have some thoughts about rose; rose is highkey bad vibes. like girl eye - okay so - you cried over thinking that micky was dead only to say "thanks for nothing" before leaving with the doctor, got jealous at that sickening tree lady, then forgot about mickey AGAIN when you got home and said to his FACE that the doctor is much more important than a boyfriend (yikes).

THEN! THEN! freakin' fathers day! i gave her a lot of sympathy in that episode because duh, it's tragic. but i completely forgot she said to the doctor when he told her off that she knew how "sad he was" (wtf!!! to anyone not used to british slang she basically called him a loser) and later when he told her to apologise her apology didn't feel very sincere, she literally put her head down like a kid and said "sorry" like a primary school kid. bless. and of course in boom town, she made that horrid comment about micky maybe dating a bigger girl. the nicest thing she did was not look for him when he decided to do what she did to him in the first episode. remember this moment because this is important...

we go further in and get to lynda with a y, and she was immedately jealous of her which i kind of get but it was a little catty especially when we had established that they were in a very dire situation. rip to poor lynda, and of course that very important scene which convinces jackie to help her get back to the doctor. i remember billie on the commentary saying that rose can be very harsh and i definitely agree, im talking of course rose telling jackie she met her father. she wasn't exactly tactful. and even in the parting of ways; of course rose loved him but rose was reckless - anyone who has seen torchwood and seen a smidge of the suffering jack had due to not being able to die...

fast forward to the christmas invasion - now again, i think rose is pretty valid in her grief and confusion but i found it telling that rose still thought she could have it both ways when she agreed to keep travelling. and tooth and claw. like SIS. one of the most annoying things i think the fans and the show did was make doomsday feel 'so unfair' when the truth was...it wasn't some cosmic the universe is so unfair moment. it was their own fault. it was their own doing. torchwood was created because rose and the doctor were acting like asses in tooth and claw. people are dying around you and you're laughing?! i was very surprised at this as rose used to be the one to tell the doctor to reign it in and inject some compassion before. oh how the turn tables.

anywho, we get to school reunion and dissing sarah jane has to be blasphemy right? lol. also when she started sulking about micky joining, i think that was the only time in the show where i genuinely disliked her. i know im making this post, but i dont dislike her, but in that moment i did. i just thought there was something completely unforgivable in rose hearing micky saying he wanted a chance to prove himself and not feel unwanted and for her response to be like a sullen child. it was very nasty and i didn't like it. moffat said he wasn't actually aware of this and said he would have written that into the girl in the fireplace if he knew.

but it also highlighted why im not too much of a fan of the 10 and rose ship, as whereas in s1, it seems very much that rose loved the doctor in all of his infinite alieness, but by series 2, she clearly wants something he cannot give her, and seemed to struggle more with his alieness when she appeared to accept it in the first season. and by giving the domestic life to her s4 as per the comics really didn't sit well with me. he is not human, so it felt like her love had become...i dunno? materialistic? artificial? she broke his heart to get that life. it was very selfish and again, it really shocked me. not too mention it was like a strange fanfiction. i have seen takes that it was very feminist to essentially make 10 created for her, but i dont think so, even if it is something we haven't necessarily seen before.

anyway, back to series 2, i give rose grace in the girl in the fireplace because steven wtf, and i dont like how he made classist comments about her. in the cybermen two parter i was rolling my eyes when she was even jealous of a character we never even see when the doctor quipped about finding info from another worker. like reign it in girl. i also think it's important to note that these episodes aren't kind to rose, and i think sometimes the show tries to make her have repercussions for her actions, but sometimes doesn't, like having pete reject her and jackie dig into her all over again. but here. this point right here:

remember when i said the nicest thing rose ever did for micky was not chase after him at the end of boom town? when martha leaves in s3, the doctor does something similar. he does not beg her to stay because he knows it would be cruel. but in the age of steel? rose suddenly tries to make him stay and even tries to make him feel guilty. rose never even had the courtsey to break up with him. "what about me, what if i need you." like baby are you serious?! you can't have it all? it is so selfish, and it's moments here i think billie was talking about when she said in her book that rose becomes more selfish in series 2. it was very telling of her.

and in the next couple of episodes, particularly fear her and the idiots lantern, there are some things that just dont sit well with me. like rose trying to get that boy with the abusive father to try and repair his relationship just because he was his father - it's not that simple and i was surprised that she had such a childish perspective. i know rose is young but she is not THAT young?? like dont try and make the poor boy feel bad. and fear her - this bit also links with what i said previously about rose wanting something the doctor can't really give her. in the impossible planet, the forums lit up when the doctor and rose spoke of a domestic life but i didnt think it was sweet. because rose would have known deep down inside he doctor wouldn't have been happy if that were something they got. it would be like putting him in a cage, and in fear her, rose even surprised the doctor by being so cold about chloe and the aliens pleas, which led to him revealing he was a father and rose could barely handle it. which. okay. sistren. how are you still shocked the doctor had a life before you? companions? the doctor hasn't exactly hid this but it's not like you ever asked him apart from the end of the world. in fact, it's martha who actually asked him about his life and gallifrey. gallifrey wasn't even mentioned by name until the runaway bride. are you telling me in all that time rose never asked the doctor what his planet was called?! it just doesn't feel right to me.

and poor jackie. it's inevitable that kids have to leave the nest, but i think the reason why jackie was so torn was that rose was still trying to have it both ways. travel with the doctor and also live with her mother - which could never work.

in doomsday, when micky returns, you can even see her trying to get her attention and micky doesn't even look at her and she seems sad that he's officially over her. and on bad wolf bay she says she doesn't care if the universe collapses which kind of sweet but simultaneously alarming and also the exact reason they've been seperated. i dont know why rose got called the defender of the earth because she almost let the shit burn twice haha!

even turn left, i didnt like how donna became a pawn, it felt like rose was sacrificing her which i doubt was the episodes intention but that's what it felt like. i also didnt understand how rose knew nothing of martha but knew all of the adventures donna would have wuth the doctor? if anyones knows the answer to this pls. also the "who's she" remark to martha made wanna bang my head against a wall. not to mention the "she's good" line towards martha later. i know russell wrote to be like see! no beef! but it felt like rose needed to be the one to give martha the seal of approval and i promise you she didn't need it. and of course, bad wolf bay. probably the most selfish thing she did. and i've seen a lot of rose fans hate this too. i dont even think billie was a big fan either. like i said, she broke his heart which didn't seem to make sense considering her declaration of love 2 seasons prior. for her to go so quickly to the fake changed that completely in my opinion.

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shit-scfandom-did · 3 years

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so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

#anons

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Emp-ire “At Gunpoint.”

Sorry for posting so late. I wrote this yesterday, but have been kind of absentminded lately. I hope you enoy.

Adam woke up with a numb arm and a groan. He rolled onto his side, hearing the clatter of glass as he did, sitting up and slamming his head hard against the table above. He cursed, rubbing his head as he crawled out from under the table and stumbling to his feet. Quiet snoring over by the bar alerted him to another human’s presence and found Ramirez sprawled on top of the bar itself using a boot for a pillow. He looked up to find the bartender smirking at him from behind the bar.

He smiled rather sheepishly boots clattering over the floor as he walked over and unceremoniously turfed Ramirez onto the floor.

The other man yelped in surprise and flailed about for a second before looking up, “Adam!”

Adam looked around the room trying to find his hat, and surprisingly, found it sitting on top of a mounted ram’s head on the wall. He walked over and picked it up, placing it back on his head as Ramirez wobbled to his feet.

“You boys enjoy your night.”

Ramirez squinted at the light leaving in through the window, “That was…. One eventful night, drinking, debauchery and catching outlaws.” He slapped Adam on the shoulder, “What a good time.” A ‘small’ smile crossed Adam’s face, “Leave it to us to manage not to have a normal evening. Now come on, let's go find some horses.”

***

They found their houses in the stables just outside of town. The place was enough of a tourist trap that it was likely the horses were available to rent. He doubted they would just be allowing anyone to take one for a joyride though and stepped into the stable first with Ramirez walking behind him.

“Smells like horse in here.” Ramirez muttered

“Stop being such a Diva.” Adam said walking forward to where a farm hand was carting away a wheelbarrow of waste and the stable manager was standing patting one of the horses.

The smell of horses and fresh hay wafted over him and he had a sudden flash of his childhood.

His father’s voice echoing in his head.

“That’s it, not too tight on the reins, Adam. There you go.”

He shook himself and walked up to the man who turned, “Mornin’ the man greeted touching the brim of his hat, “What can I do for you.”

Adam motioned a finger at himself and Ramirez, “We were hoping to rent some horses,”

The man looked them up and don skeptically, “Do you boys know how to handle and take care of a horse?”

“I do, my friend there doesn’t… so he'd need something…. Gentle perhaps something you use to teach children.”

Ramirez frowned, Adam smirked at him.

“Well guess we will have to see. I don’t just rent out my horses to anyone you know. Have to prove you can take care of them and treat em nice before i allow that.”

Adam nodded, “i’d question you a bit if you didn’t have that policy.”

“Well I can suggest a few.” He turned to walk down the line, “For your friend there, he might want to take Buttercup, she's a sweet old girl, still has some spirit left in her but she's gentle and sure footed out of all the animals I had ever known. How about you sir, what’s your experience.”

Adam shrugged, “Dad taught me to ride when I was a kid. I can gallup and stay on at a jump, know how to groom and take care of one, but I admit it's been a few years.”

The man nodded slowly and thoughtfully before walking to the end of the stable and patting a stall door, “This is Maroz, she’s a bit stubborn, but I think a man like you might be able to handle her.”

Adam walked over with Ramirez at his back to look at the horse, Stunning, white like a pearl, with thick legs but a long mane managing to look elegant and imperious at the same time.

“Wow, she's gorgeous.”

“Well go on, let her get a sniff at you.”

Adam walked up to the gate offering her the back of his hand fingers slightly curled inward, in an almost fist. She stuck her head forward sniffing at his hand, hot air blowing in great gusts over his skin.

After a moment she snorted and nosed at his hand allowing him to gently pat her along the velvety skin of her muzzle.

“Well hello gorgeous.” He said.

She tossed her head a bit.

The man nodded pleased and opened the gate, allowing Adam o take the rins and walk her onto the floor.

“A firm hand, thats good, a lot of people arent firm, but you have to be. You have to let them know you are in charge. It gives them a sense of security.”

He led Ramirez over to another stall where a silver horse stood tossing her head. She stopped as he approached and sniffed at him.”

He looked a bit nervous, “They are a lot bigger up close.”

Adam smirked, “Oh come on, they’re sweet.” he patted Maroz’s side and the horse tossed her head.

Adam left Ramirez with the stable owner for a moment as he went over to put a saddle on the white house throwing the leather over her back and tightening the girth-strap before adjusting the stirrups.

The stable owner walked over to check his work and seemed pleased.

Go ahead and hop on take her for a ride around while I get your friend saddled up, and show him a few of the basics.

Adam nodded, throwing his foot up into the stirrup and then hauling his other leg over the back of the horse. She shuffled a bit, but once he had himself situated things started to become more familiar and he gently tapped the rains urging her forward into a slow walk.

Ramirez was still eying the horse like it was going to eat him, which made Adam smile a bit.

He walked her outside and urged her into a light trot ad then into a canter around th stables, his hips moving with her as her body rolled under him.

He lifted his face to the open air.

He had forgotten how much he enjoyed this.

Once that was done, he urged her into a gallup and she responded to him thundering over the desert ground sending up clouds of dust after the. He whooped in glee, leaning low over her neck before turning her around and pulling her to a stop before the doors of the barn.

Ramirez was there strategically trying to figure out how to haul himself into the saddle. He tried once, overbalanced and fell backward into the dirt in a puff of dust. The horse whinnied like it was laughing at him. Adam laughed, “Guess ice dancing doesn't exactly translate into horseback riding eh?”

“Shut up Adam, By the end of today this beast will be my bitch.”

Adam leaned against the pommel of the sadel with some skepticism. Ramirez tried again and ended up hopping away off balance.

He patted Maroz’s neck, “See girl, I did that and I only have one leg.”

“An ENHANCED prosthetic if I may remind you.” Ramirez said. The silver horse sat there with no end to her patient nature.”

Ramirez finally managed to haul himself into the saddle, and from there wasn’t too bad. He had a good sense of balance even at a trot and got the hang of it pretty quickly, walking and even trotting slowly around the small paddock.

The stable master urged Adam t jump the horse a few times, and he managed a few low fences before chickening out at something bigger and pulling the horse to a stop.

The man tapped his chin lightly, “Alright, I suppose you’re capable enough. I’m still gonna give you some instruction before you head out.”

Adam took the instruction very seriously, forcing Ramirez to sit down and listen as well. What they were about to do wasn’t going to be a picnic and they wanted to be as safe as possible while they did it.

After a while they had their extra clothing and bedrolls rolled up and packed on the horses.

They purchased a map and a compass and were waved off into the open country at a slow walk with the sun high overhead.

Adam held the reins gently in one hand, fist resting against his thigh.

“Showoff.” Ramirez mumbled almost white knuckling the reins off to his side.

“I can’t believe you are from Texas and don’t know how to ride a horse.”

“An ice skater from texas, a sexy almost Olympian from the city.”

Adam snorted and laughed, “You asked for this trip, you asked for this to happen.”

“I wanted us to dress up and go drinking, I didn’t think you were going to drag me out into the desert to go live on the land and…. I dont know skin alien rabbits or some shit.”

“We brought food quit being dramatic.”

Ramirez looked up at the sky, “Forgot my harmonica, guess I’m going to have to start singing.”

“Sing what?”

“I don’t know, country songs and shit.”

“What country songs do you know?”

He shrugged, “Plenty.”

“Like what.”

“There Is the, I love my truck song.”

Adam and the hose snorted at the same time.

“There is the, I lost my wife song, the I like drinking song, the I love country dirt song,and the I love lovin women in corn fields song.”

Adam choked and started to laugh, the sun beating down on them, “I would LOVE to hear your rendition of the love lovin a woman in a corn field song. And yes that is a challenge.”

Ramirez reached up to stroke his chin just a bit, “Hold on, gotta remember the lyrics.”

Adam waited grinning as his friends tared intently at the saddle before him.

“I….. Ah ha um…. Driving my girl down to the field…..er.”

“Go on…..” Adam reached down for his canteen and took a sip

“Getting all ready to uh…. Plow her field.”

He regretted pretty quickly taking that drink as sudden laughter caused him to spurt water out his nose like a broken faucet. He choked and gagged and gasped for air, howling with laughter to the point he was bent double on his horse silently shaking ad slapping his leg repeatedly with murth.

When he could finally speak he sat up and gasped, “You dumbass rymed field with field. You could have at least used yield or wield or healed or kneeled. Heavens above, now I KNOW why you’re a marine.”

Ramirez flipped him the bird, and Adam urged them into a light canter over the dirt. He kept an eye on the horses, making sure not to tire them out too much though he doubted the pase at which they were riding would actually have any adverse affect on them. He doubted Ramirez would be able to handle a full gallop any time soon but was happy to feel the wind rushing against his face and neck.

The air smelled alien, as alien planets tend to smell. It was hard to describe it, almost metallic, like he could taste it, and as the sun set the sky overhead grew purple. They said there was a higher concentration of oxygen on this planet which is what made the usually red to orange sunsets on a place like earth purple on a palace like this. It was pretty in a very strange way, casting an eerie light over the orange red desert as if they had been thrown into some strange space cowboy fantasy, which he supposed they had.

As soon as the sun met the horizon, Adam ordered them to a stop below one of the rock formations against the leeward side and set up camp. There was a pamphlet in the saddle bags that discussed local flora and fauna of the area, what was safe to burn, and what was safe to eat.

They had more than enough food to last them on their trip out to one of the settlements, so they didn’t worry about that as they sat down by the fire watching as the sun cast bright orange streaks of light access a purple sunset.

Adam leaned back against his saddle watching the horses as they grazed quietly off to the side on strange bluish rock grass that was apparently pretty good for horses.

“Not half bad.” Adam muttered, taking a swig from his canteen.

Ramirez only grunted from where he leaned against his saddle using it as some sort of pillow with his hat drawn low over his eyes.

Adam reached a hand down to his belt, fingers brushing over the stolen knife.

What was he doing?

He had never stolen anything, not in his entire life.

Not even when the person desperately needed to be stolen from. He glanced down at the knife again. What had come over him in that moment? Were his thoughts of Sunny really so profound that he would think about becoming a thief just to impress her.

Was it…. Was it perhaps this whole atmosphere that made him so likely to steal.

The wild west, the final frontier, a place where the rules were fast and loose and finders meant keepers.

Off to his side Ramirez was breathing deeply probably asleep after a long day of riding.

Adam felt that, his legs hurt somewhat, and so he stretched them out, leaning back against the rock.

At least they didn’t have to worry about rattlesnakes or spiders. The biggest issue here were these sort of one eyed looking lizard things that had little spines on their skin that could cause a mild rash on people, though that was only on the people who happened to be allergic to them.

He closed his eyes trying not to think too much and certainly trying not to think of Sunny.

Wherever she was.

Likely alone.

Likely still mad at him.

He cursed himself for ruining their friendship which had taken so long to build. What they had come from before just go go back to square one so many years later. He took a deep breath and tried not to think, just tried to let himself sleep.

***

He woke to the disturbed nickering of the horses.

Anda cold gun barrel pressed to the back of his head.

He jolted upright reaching for his gun, but the barre pressed harder against the back of his skull, “I wouldn’t try that if i were you, Partner.” the words came out spitting and derisive, and Adam held his hands slowly in the air blinking against the light of their little campfire.

On the other side of the circle he could see another dark figure standing behind Ramirez's gun pointed at his head in a similar fashion to Adam.

Ramirez looked almost as groggy as he felt, and chanced a look at him across the fire.

“Don’t you boys even THINK about trying anything.”

Adam kept his hands where they were his voice calm, “I am sure….. This is all just some sort of misunderstanding.”

He winced as the gun barrel pressed harder against the back of his head.

“No misunderstanding about it ‘friend’ you’re being robbed, so you are going to sit there and shut up.”

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you.” Adam said his hands surprisingly steady”

He watched as the men rifled through their things pulling out food ad ammunition only to shove them into their bags and keep rooting through.

One of them went rifling through Adam’s pockets and gumbelt while they had them sat on the rocks, Pulling out his handgun and the knife which had already been stolen.

“Are we done now?” Adam asked probably not intending to have such an acerbic mouth, but finding the annoyance biting to the front of his thoughts against his will. And were out before he could stop them.

“Get insolent would you.”

A sharp pain exploded on the side of his head, and he went sprawling to the dirt, his hat rolling off towards the fire.

He groaned and crawled to his hands and knees spitting dirt and blood onto the ground.

Someone knelt in front of him, gripping his chin aggressively and forcing his head back to look up at them, “I-”The man paused and then frowned, “Do i know you…. You look familiar.”

Adam jerked his head away, “Guess I just got one of those faces.”

“No, no I know you from somewhere.”

Adam sighed, this was all playing out like some poorly written trope, and if he knew where this was going ---which he thought he did-- than it wasn’t going to end well.

“You been drinkin again Davis.”

“No I swear, take a look at him.”

There was a shuffling around the fire and Adam’s head was forced back again by a handful of hair as the group leader clomped over the dirt,spurs jangling as he did, coming to crouch before Adam with a contemplative expression. Unlike their encounter with the outlaw last night, this man was…. Well he was a lot more put together. He was clean shaven with a well tanned complexion and a velvety black hat only slightly coated by dust. He wore a red vest over a black shirt, and all the silver buckles that held him together shone in the darkness of the fire.

He scrutinized Adam for a very long time before.

“Well slap my ass and call me Nancy, if it isn’t Admiral Vir of the UNSC.” he spit into the dirt and the rest of the men around the fire moved in to circle around him.

Adam sighed, he knew he had been had.

“Figure that out all on your own '' He wondered staring the man in the face with barely concealed contempt.

Across the fire Ramirez was staring at him with a ‘what the fuck do you think you are doing.” Sort of expression.

The man laughed mirthlessly, “You’ve got a tongue on you, Admiral.” He glanced over at Ramirez, “And who is this, faithful dog or your lover.”

Adam sneered, “I could ask the same thing about you and all your….friends.”: He glanced around the campfire at the group of armed men.

What the fuck was he doing/?

“You’re funny Admiral,” h looked around, “isn’t he funny boys.”

Around the fire, the group of men laughed with cold derision.

Their leader crouched down, and patted Adam slowly on the shoulder, “I am Happy to see you Admiral, very happy to see you. I’m a big fan, loved your movie, though learning that you were in support of those alien fuckers put me off a bit, I have to admit.” He placed the barrel of his gun below Adam’s chin and tilted his head back slightly. “Almost didn’t recognize you without the eyepatch.” He tapped the side of Adam’s head with the gun barrel, “Freaky that thing is, referring to Adam’s eye.

Adam snered, “Then you’ll really find this freaky.”

With a sharp whirr, the steel eye prosthetic jolted to life and flashed upward with a ferrel hiss. No one had time to react before the sharp thud of metal on flesh as his metallic shin drove itself hard into the fork of the man’s legs.

He achieved the desired effect as the man crumbled like a wet piece of tissue gagging and choking into the fetal position.

Adam was grabbed by the shoulders and pinned bodily to the ground, more than five weapons pointed at his face.

Just ahead the bandit leader lay on the ground mewling and gagging every so often.

It took him a good fifteen minutes to recover and when he finally staggered to his feet Adam more than expected to be shot. In a blur of motion the man pulled his gun and pointed it at Adam’s head a grimace still plastered over his face. His hand trembled with what must have been rage but he eventually lowered his weapon, “If you weren’t so valuable, I would shoot you where you stand.”

He glanced over at Ramirez awith a thoughtful expression, “Try anything like that again, and I kill your friend.”

That mande Adam Freeze, and he glanced over at Ramirez with wide eyes,

The man snarled, “Thought that would get your attention, but still…. I owe you.”

Adam probably should have seen the boot coming, but he only registered it at the last moment before blacking out completely.

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a-dusty-emerald · 3 years

Text

A SLYTHERIN FAIRNESS RANT

First of all, happy Ravenclaw day to all Ravenclaws and happy hogwarts pride day to all potterheads. Two days ago was my Hogwarts house's pride day, Slytherin. I started a HP marathon then, and I was deep into thoughts about my house. I know everyone says how slytherins are misunderstood and not the evil house, and I also know the stigma is still there: its just unfair. First, let's think how the Slytherin stigma existed only in Voldemort's era. Merlin himself, after all, was a slytherin.

Slytherins are cunning, loyal to their circle, smart and ambitious, their element is water, which shows their actions are dictated by their emotions. We can actually see that.

Snape was driven by his emotions, Draco's emotions were the ones that held him back from fully being a Death Eater-the mentality and all. Pansy seemed like an easily aggravated person. Slughorn still felt horrible about the fact that he unknowingly helped Tom Riddle, and he is definately on the good side. All Slytherins that were simply coexisting, were normal kids.

Kids that got booed at when they were 11 because a hat said they had ambition. Kids that lost previous friends and were then alone - with their other alone slytherin friends. How can they not stick together? How can some not grow to despise the others?

I love all houses, wholeheartedly. But admitedly, Dumbledor's treatment to Gryffindors is biased at its best. Harry killed a teacher (though I understand it was inevitable), he and his friends knocked out a troll, broke about ALL of the school rules, going through forbidden passages, and they get rewarded, finishing at 1st place for the House Cup that would have been won by Slytherins fair and square. Now I am not saying that this only happens towards Slytherins, Snape is hostile to Harry most of the times. It is just that the Slytherins always are the ones portrayed as evil and get the short end of the stick.

Now, Draco. Draco is the epitome of misunderstood, and I know some people who hate him - or have been all over dracotok and seen the obsession about him being seen as someone he is not - are rolling their eyes and scrolling now. I love Draco's complexity and character because it shows not everything is black and white. I hence get why many people are annoyed because he is being fetishised as a bad boy. Understandable, I'm with you. Draco is not a pure angel, that's for sure, its inaccurate when people portray him as a soft guy that is open about his feelings and that wouldn't harm a fly. He is not that. Period. However, he is also not pure evil, and it shows. He is a boy who had no choice, and for people who say he had one, I do not consider blackmail a choice, purely because I myself don't know what I would do if my choice of being on the good side of a war meant my family (and probably me as well) were to be killed. Call it cowardiness, I see it as being afraid to die, and that is not an unjustified fear, its trying to be a survivor. Draco lied to the Death Eaters faces knowing Harry was the dismorphed guy in the Manor, freed the Slytherins from the Dungeons (of course it was deleted :) ffs. ) and who can also forget the epic deleted scene of throwing Harry his wand. I understand they are deleted though, so I'll talk about his bad actions.

First, the bullying. He was a bully. We see the movie from Harry's perspective and knowledge mostly, and we see him bullying the trio. He and his crew wanted to be the schools "bad boys", doing whatever they wanted, always behind teachers eyes though. Draco was an exceptional student and always seeked extra credit, either by good means, like getting good grades, or by joining questionable squads (inqustorial) just to get on a teacher's good side. This and his bullying tantrums definately are a product of Lucius. I do not expect Lucius to be an understanding father when his son came back with a bad grade, and also its clear that the bullying stems from his father's ideas. Draco wasn't born knowing about muggleborns and calling them mudbloods.

We also see his reaction when he cursed Katie bell. This is not a reaction of an evil person. Its a reaction of a trapped person, forced to do something they really, really don't want to do. We also see this with Dumbledore. He never got the guts to kill him or anyone else, and when Dumbledore tried to calm him down, he said "You dont understand... I have to kill you... or he is going to kill me..." -and his family.

Snape is another grey character, not a dark wizard but cannot be considered on the good side because of the Dark Mark. He was a double agent, unable to show Harry his true feelings, but wanting to protect him nevertheless. He also took the unbreakable vow for protecting Draco, and seemed eager to help Narcissa even before Bellatrix suggested the vow. Lots of people say that its pathetic how he was obsessed with Lily so many years later, however he wasn't a guy that acted upon his wants. He was no stalker. He was just desperately in love with her, and hence wanted to keep Harry alive no matter the hatred he has for his father. Snape is not perfect, because he is human. He despised James, he felt negative feelings, but still, was on the light side (in secret). Basically he gave his life for not only Harry, but Draco as well. If loyalty and love are crimes, yes, he is a criminal. Lastly, lets not forget that behind Lucius's back, Narcissa Malfoy helps her son, and in the end lies to Voldemorts face, saving Harry, her family, and the future of Hogwarts.

All in all, sorry for the long post. I just felt I needed to share these thoughts because I feel like so many people still believe that being a Slytherin means being a Death Eater. Most Death Eaters shared a house with Slytherins because they were ambitious too. I would expect that Slytherins that had nothing to do with Death Eaters hated them even more than the other houses, since they were labeled as evil because of them. Harry potter fandoms do not need more hate: Your house does not dictate your moral compass.

#gryffindor #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #slytherin #draco headcanons #slytherin hogwarts #hogwarts houses #hogwarts #unfair #harry potter

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mediawhorefics · 3 years

Text

it's my darling @ardentlyadmire 's bday today so first of all you should all wish her a happy birthday!!! but secondly, i wrote her a little weird torchwood drabble as a gift. feel free to look away this is so fucking niche i doubt anyone else is interested.

@ eline i've already sent you private wishes so i won't gush too much but happy birthday !!! i love you and i'm so lucky to have you in my life. i'm sorry your bday gift is weird as hell. i have no excuse. here's 2.6k of ianto being annoyed @ norton with a hint of past owen/norton. & some jack/ianto angst. timeline wise this makes like.... zero sense because it's set before coe & outbreak. i dont remember everything about outbreak but i think it's technically ianto & norton's first meeting?? so yeah just.... ignore that. hope you'll enjoy ianto being an annoyed little bitch, i'm sorry it got kind of sad at the end rip rip. (i might post this to ao3 but again it's so niche it was basically written for an audience of one so idk) ANYWAYS HAPPY BIRTHDAY I HOPE YOU’LL LIKE IT

Oh, there is no need to pout quite so dramatically pet. You’ll be back in the dear Captain’s arms in no time. I can assure you.”

Norton Folgate’s flippant and overly confident tone does nothing to calm Ianto’s nerves, quite the opposite. What initially started as mild anxiety at the thought of being trapped somewhere in the mid-1950s had blown into irritation at the realisation that Norton – with his flip-flopping and projecting all over the 20th & 21st century – was the only one with the knowledge and experience to help him make his way back. The entirety of Torchwood One at their disposal and Norton Folgate is the only one who can help? It sounds like the start of a bad joke.

That was a few days ago though. Long enough for that tiny prickle of irritation to grow and fester, long enough for any traces of decorum Ianto Jones might have had left (and Ianto loves his decorum!) to vanish into thin air, not unlike he had done when he touched the damned alien artefact.

Why on Earth did he touch the damned alien artefact? He knows better than that. He’s not a young recruit, still green and inexperienced, eager to prove himself.

Alright, alright, maybe he is still eager to prove himself, a part of him always will be after spending so long in the shadows, treated like part of the decor rather than part of the team. It doesn’t change anything though. Ianto doesn’t make those kinds of mistakes. Oh, he makes plenty of mistakes, thank you very much. But his tend to be the almost letting a cyberman take over the world because he was in love with the human said cyberman used to be or condemning his boss to a cruel death on an alien planet in a grief-induced rage kind. Not the silly accidentally pushed a button type of stuff. It’s so undignified.

Except he did. He touched the thing and woke up near the Thames in what was clearly no longer Cardiff or the modern age. Turned out he turned up near a very popular hookup spot and having to run away from the police even though he was clearly alone was almost as embarrassing as bumping into Norton in said popular hookup spot.

All in all, Ianto would describe it as quite a bad day.

Norton offered little compassion in the face of his predicament, waving his lover away with a small “business calls love, you understand”. For Ianto, he had nothing more than a patronising laugh to offer after hearing his tale, accompanied by a mocking “surely you’re more experienced at handling alien things than that”, dripping with innuendo.

That was the first of many times Ianto seriously considered murder while stranded.

A couple of arguments with Torchwood One higher-ups later and Ianto was officially Norton’s responsibility. The rest, as they say, is history.

Deep breath, Ianto mentally tells himself. He’s the only one who can get you home unless the Doctor miraculously shows up.

For a second, Ianto does wrack his brain trying to remember if Jack ever mentioned travelling to the 50s with the Time-Lord before he shakes his head. He’s being foolish. They’re almost done. Soon, he’ll be free.

“Returning to Jack is not my only concern,” Ianto still replies through gritted teeth, unable to let Norton have the last word. He likes it way too much. Though, if Ianto is quite honest with himself, getting back to Jack is high up on the list. “I have a life in the future,” he adds quite emphatically. “And a team that needs me.” Maybe if he says it strongly enough, it’ll feel true.

Norton rolls his eyes dramatically in response, letting go of the frankly alarming machine he’s been fiddling with for days now to gesticulate flamboyantly in a manner that seems to perfectly embody a sarcastic “yes, yes, of course”.

Ianto surprises himself by realising there is one of Jack’s exes he hates more than Captain John Hart.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Ianto asks instead of continuing down that train of thought. Only misery lies there and God knows Ianto is miserable enough right now.

He thought this would be more fun is all. Not that he ever imagined he’d actually get here. But he’s always been nostalgic, he can’t help himself. It’s one of those random things he and Jack have in common, one of those threads that pulls them together, that Ianto tugs on a little when insecurity comes knocking and he wonders why Jack even bothers with him. Jack’s timeless qualities, the sense he belongs in years gone by, was part of the initial attraction. Ianto can admit that to himself. Which means that mixed in with the panic and the irritation, there was also a little bit of subdued excitement. He wouldn’t have wished this on himself, of course not, but now that he’s here… Part of him hoped he’d have a good story to tell. Yes, maybe the thought, after the initial Bollocks! moment, that he’d have a wander through an era long gone and enjoy it, revel in the nostalgia for a few days, before being sent back home with the memories of a lifetime and stories to tell crossed his mind. Something to share with Jack.

Instead, he gets Norton and his quips. Norton and his cramped flat. Norton and his inappropriate comments about Jack and their past. Norton and his even more inappropriate flirting.

Even worse, he gets the reality of the past instead of an idealised vintage postcard version. A world of prejudice and suspicion. And he thought growing up queer in Wales in the late 90s was terrible… He’ll keep his old movies and his imagination, thank you. As little as he trusts the machine Norton has been fixing up – and he trusts Norton even less – Ianto is starting to be really eager to get back home.

Norton gives him an exasperated look. “Would have I agreed to babysit you if I couldn’t even send you home?” he asks matter-of-factly, pressing a few buttons in an expert manner. He does look competent for a second there, but instead of reassuring him, all it does is make Ianto miss Tosh with a fierceness he can’t fight against. “Now be a dear and shut your pretty mouth,” Norton adds, one finger up in warning. “This is a delicate part of the process.”

Ianto calls every ounce of restraint in his body and somehow manages to stop himself from huffing. He does however fold his arms over his chest and leans back against one of the desks in the workshops they’ve borrowed. He refuses to call what he’s doing pouting. But it’s close.

An eternity later – fine! maybe thirty minutes later – Norton lets out a triumphant yell.

“There! All fixed up!” he declares, turning around to face Ianto with a beaming smile. “You are good to go back to…” he hesitates, wrinkling his nose, “well whatever it is you all do in the future.”

Ianto opens his mouth, to say what? he’s not sure, but Norton interrupts him with a snort.

“Oh no, I can easily imagine,” he says teasingly, stopping him.

Ianto closes his eyes, putting a hand to his forehead. He’s developing a headache. He’s sure he is. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” he finally says, leaning off the table and walking back towards the thing that is supposed to get him home.

“Yes, let’s,” Norton nods.“Oh, this reminds me, do say hello to that grumpy doctor for me when you get back,” Norton adds, purrs really, and Ianto feels it like a knife to the heart. “I do like a man with a great bone structure,” he continues, blissfully unaware, somehow still fiddling with the machine he claims is ready. Ianto still can’t believe he’s going to trust it to take him home.

It takes a few seconds for Norton to realise something is wrong, used as he’s become to Ianto’s relatively difficult attitude these past few days. But the silence stretches past the point of comfort and it is out of character for Ianto to go so long without complaining (not that he’d own to it) so Norton glances back up at him, mouth opening to mock, most likely, when their eyes finally meet. He realises his mistake straight away.

“Oh,” Norton exhales quietly, a shadow passing over his face, a suddenly terribly human and vulnerable expression in his eyes.

Ianto swallows hard. He doesn’t want to talk about this. Least of all with Norton. But it is slightly comforting to notice an actual heart beneath the flippant exterior.

“Time travel,” Norton finally sighs, shaking his head. “One never quite wraps one’s head around it,” he adds quietly, almost like a confession. Ianto is surprised to find there’s actual grief in Norton’s words, not the performance of it for Ianto’s sake. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he continues, voice still low and he immediately goes back to the settings on the machine, eyebrows furrowing when what looks like an error message in some alien language pops up on the little display screen attached to the tech.

Again, Ianto can’t believe he’s putting his safety into the hands of this man and his otherworldly linguistics abilities.

“How did you know Owen anyways?” Ianto says, a bit more brusquely than intended. He’s not sure why the thought of them knowing each other suddenly irritates him, a weird sense of possessiveness settling in his lower belly. This is his team Norton is talking about. He has no right to mourn them alongside Ianto, has no right to the emptiness Owen and Tosh have left behind, the hub now haunted by their absence. Who does he think he is?

Norton smiles sadly. “Oh, you know me,” he says, the cheerfulness in his voice now obviously forced. It always seemed like a mask, of course, a carefully curated persona Norton puts on to defy others and their judgement of who he is so blatantly and for all that Ianto finds him a bit unbearable, there’s admiration there too. He’s not sure he’d be so obviously himself, so exaggeratedly so, if he’d been raised in a time like this. He hasn’t even told his family about Jack yet, scared they’ll put him in not quite the right box and he won’t be able to make them understand. There’s fear of things not being the same, of being seen differently, of course, but also… Ianto doesn’t want them to dismiss Lisa. Not when what they shared and her loss shaped his whole life. Most of all though, he’s scared. He faces bloody aliens for a living and he’s fucking scared. But here is Norton. Loud. In a time where it’s illegal for him to be so. Yet, for the first time, the loudness finally seems fake, something buried deep underneath it that Norton is clearly trying to hide... Ianto almost wants to poke at it. He would if he wasn’t worried of getting his head bitten off.

After quite a long pause, Norton finally continues. “Always playing with things I shouldn’t touch and projecting to times I shouldn’t visit. It’s how I became friends with Andy. And how I met Dr Harper.”

The use of the official title somehow bothers him and Ianto stays silent a beat too long. It’s only when their eyes finally meet that Norton betrays himself. Oh, Ianto thinks, surprised. “He never said,” he says out loud, realising half a beat too late it might come across as insensitive.

“That we knew each other?” Norton rolls his eyes to hide the hurt on his face. “Doesn’t surprise me. He wasn’t very chatty, was he? Oh, he always had a snippy remark and a smirk, but it was quite impossible to get him to say anything of substance, wouldn’t you agree? He certainly wasn’t the most emotionally open of men.” Norton puts emphasis on the past tense, still typing frantically on the alien screen like maybe he’s trying to convince himself Owen is really gone. Though of course, for Norton, he hasn’t even been born yet.

Now that’s a mindfuck.

Ianto briefly wonders if this is what it feels like for Jack sometimes, trying to understand the world in a temporal dimension no one else around him can fully perceive. Except maybe the Doctor.

“But then again,” Norton continues, unaware of Ianto’s internal musings over the temporal permanence of the man he still hasn’t summoned the courage to call his boyfriend, “aren’t we all like that?”

When their eyes meet, Norton arches an eyebrow pointedly and Ianto feels his mouth drying a little.

“We?” he echoes, suddenly aware that he doesn’t really want to talk about his attraction to men, to a man in particular, with this ghost of the past.

“Torchwood agents,” Norton clarifies, tilting his head and oh, right. The whole secret government agency thing. “We get quite good at lying and pushing it all away, duty commands. But maybe we get too good at it, so much so we can’t let go of the habit when it really matters.”

He seems remorseful as he says it and Ianto can’t help but wonder if he’s talking about whatever it is he shared with Owen that Ianto clearly will never be privy to, or if he’s thinking of someone else. Or many someones. Perhaps, not unlike Ianto, he can see a parade of faces he’s been emotionally detached from because his country asked him to. Maybe he’s thinking back on years of lies and deceits.

Norton sighs, a small thing. “Still, I liked Dr Harper,” he admits. “Owen,” he adds in a softer voice. “I can imagine his absence has left quite a void in your team.”

Ianto swallows, hard, instead of replying. “I…” he tries, fails.

Their eyes meet again, Norton’s filled with understanding. He nods, offering Ianto a sad smile.

“But we don’t have to talk about it, of course, I was merely offering my condolences, which I have done. As well as fixing this little bug, so you’re quite good to go now.”

Ianto widens his eyes, giving Norton a disbelieving look. “Somehow, I don’t trust it.”

“Of course you don’t,” Norton replies dismissively. “You don’t trust me. But I’m your only chance.” He pauses, dramatically, before grabbing the complicated machine, its many parts spilling over Norton’s arms like a mechanical octopus, the screen looking like some head to this monster. “So, what will it be Ianto Jones?”

Ianto exhales. “I suppose I don’t have much of a choice,” he says, irritated.

“Well, you can stay,” Norton says and for the first time, it doesn’t sound like aggressive flirting, the way almost everything else out of his mouth does.

“Here?” Ianto laughs, disbelieving. He shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Might be safer,” Norton whispers, the tone of his voice sending uncomfortable chills down Ianto’s spine.

It sounds like he knows something. Well, he would. Jumping up and down the timeline as he does.

“It’s Torchwood,” Ianto shrugs, a tremble of fear and discomfort caught in his throat. “There’s no such thing as safer.”

Norton looks at him, really looks at him, not a hint of mockery or amusement on his face. He seems solemn. “Quite right,” he finally agrees after a beat, taking a step forward to wrap the mechanical legs of the octopus around Ianto’s torso. “Now this is going to hurt I’m afraid,” he adds, both patronising and teasing at the same time.

Ianto laughs on a nervous exhale. There he is, the insufferable Norton he’s been trapped with for days.

“I wouldn't expect it any other way,” Ianto replies, arching one eyebrows.

Norton nods. “Well, off you go then Mr Jones,” he says, holding out his hand for Ianto to shake.

“Mr Folgate.” Ianto nods back, holding the other man’s hand a beat too long. Finally, when he lets go, he says: “I’m sorry for your loss too Norton.”

He barely has the time to see the flash of surprise on Norton’s face before he vanishes in an explosion of light.

#my fics #drabble #torchwood #ianto jones #norton folgate #owen/norton #once again i am the captain of the owen/norton ship

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leafsbabe · 4 years

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thank you for putting all of the work into putting together this list <3 i always google players before i support them because supporting a trumpie = being apologist to ppl who support someone who wants to take rights away from my family and friends (+ ppl I don’t know, bc I’m not a shit person who needs a touchstone to have basic human empathy). maybe hockey shouldnt be about politics but the fact that politics now includes basic human rights uhh yeah I feel pretty morally obligated to make sure I’m not vocally supporting racists or rapists. I would love to enjoy hockey w/o thinking about how the sport is overwhelmingly white, is rooted in toxic masculinity and locker room behavior, etc., etc., but as a woman that’s not really an option lmao. I live with an NB lesbian and am aspec myself and there’s no way in hell I’m going to sit here and tell my roommate to their face that my fave player is a trump support but it’s ok because they’re ~good at their job~ lol half the guys in the nhl probably dont even believe NB and aspec exist so. anyway tl;dr you rock and I have a lot of feelings and sorry that ppl lack basic human compassion and dont understand why knowing this is important to some ppl

***

thak you so much for thjis message, so many people just don’t get it and at this point i just can’t believe they’re anything but willfully ignorant

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voidselfshipp · 3 years

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A New Beggining

Ok to rb

A/N: Possibly polyam relationshipp w/ multiple f/os.

♡~~~~~~~♡

Survivor entered the dropships bedroom area, her boots dragged on the floor, she tugged at her necklace, squeezing the locket.

--You must be the New legend-- Wattson said,approaching them-- welcome!whats your name?

--Jerico

--nice to meet you jerico!let me introduce you to the rest of the legends

Jerico quickly shook their head-- its been a couple of very rough days for me,ill go rest first...maybe later?

Wattson nodded pointing at the empty room,the curtain Wide Open, its basic and almost empty--thats your bedroom

--uh thank you--they Walked hunched trying to speed to her room,feeling Like everyones watching her.

They werent.

They finally closed the curtain and sighed in relief, unpacking a few things she could rescue before leaving.

Some books, clothes, and a family photo.

They held it between her hands with tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

Suddenly two mewls come out of her bag as a black and a white cat jump out of It, transforming into two wolves.

They caressed under the animals' chin, they smiled-- Im alright...it still hurts-- they whispered.

After fixing her things she sat on the bed taking her shoes off, sighing as she touched the screen besides her bed.

" planet T-9

Heavily covered in toxic smoke, no survivors have been identified"

She squeezed the locket tightly--Please mom...dad be there...just you wait till I get more money,im coming...

She then fell on the bed her two wolves resting their heads on her chest.

Jeris hand caressed the black wolves pelt-- What is it void? Youve been very quiet

Void whined and closed their eyes.

--What do you say icaro?--the white wolf perked up--somebody seems lacking in the cuddles department

The black wolve grunted.

She chuckled and closed her eyes, quickly falling asleep.

"all that I remember was a loud noise and something that opened.

I was there laying on my small bed for maybe an hour before I felt someone picking me up.

I was hungry and cold.

i remember training with my parents,the wrestling the obstacle course,I remember laughing and goofing around with mom and dad

mom teached me her blacksmithing ways,I knew how to craft a sword, and I knew how to shoot a gun

Dad teached me about plants and animals, I had books and books of it

the older folks telling stories of our people, the festivals and the music

and I remember that day well

the town was in a panic, the creatures had gone mad and a war broke out

In the last instance of battle they took me away to safety and gave me a few things, the last thing I saw were my parents looking up at me, and then the smoke covered them

i screamed for help, I Cried and cried,just Like the last time I was in a scape pod like that"

Jerico jolted awake with a scream as tears ran down her face natalie busted in and sat right besides her--Are you okay?--her french accent seemed to snap her out of It.

--Can we talk about this later?

It was already dinner time when she woke up, as she Ate she sat right Next to Gibraltar--So...I think ill make it quick-- jer said-- recently...my planet broke out into a war...between humans and beasts...im the last one of my planet and i--, the last people I saw as I left were my parents, and im scared they arent in this world any more ...

Natalie scooted closer to survivor and hugged her tightly, she didnt fight back as she kept eating--Im sorry that happened to you mon ami

Gibraltar then patted her back--Dont worry, I bet your parents are still around,but if its any comfort you got us now!

Octane and mirage chirped in--Yeah compadre!-- Octavio said-- you got Us now and we are one hell of a family

Bloodhound who was quiet till now perked up-- I sense your family is important to you, so it is to me, togheter we Will slatra the beasts that prey on your home

--Hey would you look at that! You have a friend already!-- mirage said--Im Eliott by the way!

--nice meeting you eliott,im jerico

Out of the corner of her eye she saw revenant, a tall dark red bot look away, she had noticed the cold expression he had for the last couple of hours shift into something like compassion, but when they met gazes all he did was grunt and walk away.

After dinner bloodhound and survivor stayed talking in hounds quarters softly as the only thing that they heard was caustic working,octane playing games and they softly talking.

--How was it...--hound asked-- before the war?

--oh it was beautiful, we'd go on a weekly hunt with my dads best men, we'd have festivals twice a week to honor the hunt, id train most of the week and at night my parents and I would sit and eat dinner togheter

Bloodhound smiled under their mask and nodded-- that sounds like fun,what about...the festivals?

--We would dance and tell stories, eat till we explode and sing, Everyone even outsiders were welcome to participate,the older generations would tell stories of the gods

We danced all night under the stars barefoot, it was nice...

Hound was super excited to know more, they kept asking questions until both fell asleep,jerico rested her head on hounds shoulder, they arms loosely wrapped around her waist while their head rested ontop of hers.

Artur, void and icaro rested on their owners lap in silence as the moon moved on the Sky.

#f/o fic #self insert #self ship #my f/os #self shipping #f/o x s/i #romantic f/o #s/i aesthetic #f/o #f/o community #💚the last of her kind💚#tw//gun mention #tw:gun mention

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wrecker-radioactive · 4 years

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BNHA X Green Lantern

Hey folks! Radioactive here with some Au ideas. I’d would like to thank @kibastray for the inspiration from their Miraculous Ladybug fic.

Now these are just some tidbits of ideas. I am working on getting out of my writing hiatus and maybe this will help.

Feel Free to use any of the ideas for yourself!!!! All I ask is a link or @ to read them! Thank you! Enjoy~

For these AUs the focus will be on Midoriya Izuku. Though it would be neat to use other characters, Izuku is the focus today.

Green[WILL] Corp AU---normal amount of angst

>Midoriya is still quirk-less but doesn’t meet All Might.

>Instead, He goes to mope on the school roof top after getting his notebook back from swimming with the koi.

>Not sure if this is where he starts contemplating anything suicidal like or other job/career prospects but

>He gets conveniently knocked over the head with the Green Lantern Ring

>Says the oath and gets dragged into space by the ring-after recharging it

>Meets up with the current Green Lanterns and gets some decent training in before he remembers his mother is waiting for him so they give him Earth sector’s Green Lantern’s number to discuss training and to just talk to for help.

>This AU follows the original plot with the differences being Izuku is more so focused on bringing Justice no matter what. He is more so Grey lining. Willing to learn the law and stand up for those mistreated by it. Izuku is willing to work to change it for the better. To improve the law.

>Personality wise, He is High Key Nervous but Willing and Ready to Punch(think greyhound in yellow sweater) Is EXTRA Creative and more focused on Analysis in defeating villains or preventing building collapses

>He is closer bros with Momo in this one. Creation Friends all the way.

>His Creations/Projections are weird. Like they are Out-Landish choices for doing what ever to defeat the opponent(s). Kinda like Miraculous Ladybug.

>His outfit is the regular standard for Green Lanterns but under it is his Hero Suit that has ALL THE POCKETS. You need a bandage? He’s got twenty. Disaster Child is Prepared Child but still problematic

Blue [HOPE] Corps----mild angst

>Rescue Focused Hero

>BIG {Magic of Friendship} Speeches TM

>PRONE to Greater Injuries now that he has power but it is mainly to prevent others from harm. Lacks self preservation this one does.

>Still Nervous but it is more overthinking and about others. Even if he doesn’t know them, you chat with this kid for two minutes and he’s already worrying about your health, your family, your goldfish

>Most likely to be a Vigilante than actual hero due to his insight on Quirk Laws and the impact they have on society. He ends up saving people more and visiting hospitals to bring hope to kids.

>He likes to knit and crochet hats for the kids. Sunshine child levels at Maximum

>Most likely to accidentally become a villain due to being vocal on the mistreatment of others at the hands of heroes or the lack of safety measures put in to protect kids from abuse ei from negative enforcement from teachers or bullies.

>Outfit is standard with a calm blue to help put people at ease around him. Difference is that he wears a helmet--motorcycle helmet. Maybe to hide his identity maybe for further protection.

Star Sapphire Corps--ALL THE ANGST

>Izuku becomes a Star Sapphire at a young age. Right after being told he will never have a quirk, with teachers and other parents talking badly about Inko over having a quirkless child and Izuku who would be five at the time so is thinking Momma Midoriya doesn’t want him and that his dad doesn’t want him either since he left shortly after Izuku was diagnosed. Add in our resident angry boi telling Izuku he’s useless and basically breaking off ties. All leads to a sad kid

>This leads to Izuku’s heart witnessing the breaking of his soul bonds from all those he loves.

>He gets turned into a giant crystal that transforms him into a Star Sapphire and the ring basically becomes his mentor. From there on, Izuku trains to become stronger. he doesn’t run away because he wants to fix the system. So no one has to hurt like he does.

>So Izuku decides to change the system from the inside out. Become a top ranking Hero, and then start leading more positive changes to the laws and how people view quirks.

>He is very lonely in this AU until he and Inko actually sit down and talk about what Izuku wants and Inko shows her support for his dreams. It is one of the few bonds Izuku allows to heal and mend. Up to the person if Katsuki ever mends fences or if Izuku’s dad does anything.

>Izuku is a tired nervous. Very done with life but very much would like a hug. If you hug this sad kid he will never let go.

>It isn’t until after USJ arc that Izuku finally meets other Lantern holders

>Scene<

Izuku shuffled after Aizawa-sensi holding back the panic swelling inside him. The voice of his ring--loving dubbed Star--cooed and murmured support and reassurances that if anything he feared happened that they would simple run away to space. They often tried to get Izuku to leave Earth and take to the stars but he wanted to change things on Earth. To change himself for the better. Taking a fortifying breath, Izuku followed Aizawa-sensi into the meeting room.

Three people turned to face the new arrivals. John Stewart nearly fainted at the sight of the small green haired kid following Easerhead. He didn’t want to believe a child had been chosen let alone for a Star Sapphire. Stars went through so much pain and for a kid not even sixteen to go through that? It broke his heart. A quick glance at his companions Salaak whose nerves shown in the twitching of his four hands and Brother Warth of the Blue Corps. Brother Warth’s trunk scrunched up at the sight of the tiny human child bearing the pink ring and if his training wasn’t so strong his rage would have most certainly taken over.

Izuku froze at the sight of the African American human in green and black, a dark pink humaniod with four arms, and a huge elephant like person in the blue version of the other’s outfit. They all had rings too. Does that mean he’s not alone? There are others who share his experinces? It was too much yet at the same time numbing after the whole facing a group of villains on a school field trip.

“Midoriya, these are the Lantern Corp members currently available to talk with you about your powers and situation.” Easerhead introduced nodding to the three before taking a step back to allow Izuku room to move but keeping within eye sight of everyone. He was here to just listen since he was still in recovery.

“Hello Midoriya, I’m John and these are my friends Salaak and Brother Warth.” With introductions out of the way, John stepped up to kneel in front of Izuku allowing a few feet of distance between them. “I heard about what you’ve been through, and I know what it takes to be a bearer of take ring. I’m sorry we didn’t find you sooner.”

It wasn’t the best apology nor would it be the last. To have left a child alone with the powers of the ring was a grossly irresponsible act. They would do whatever it took to help Izuku heal and grow into a hero. no, Into a healthy kid. Izuku deserved to be a kid.

Izuku couldn’t stop the tears from falling. After having teacher after teacher condemn him and never step up to protect him, after almost running away from his own mother based on misunderstandings and assumptions, and to the years consistently being told he deserved to suffer for not conforming to society thanks to the uncontrollable factors of genetics; to be understood. To have someone on his side outside of his mom. It was no wonder he threw his arms around John and bawled his eyes out.

-End Scene-

>His outfit is the most different. From my research on the outfits, Star Sapphires have no care for modesty and is mostly female based so take that as you will. So, Izuku’s form will have gauntlets in a purple-black that go up to his armpits and leave his shoulders bare. A magenta halter top with black/purple edging that ends just below his ribs. Skin tight shorts same color as gloves that stop at his knees before becoming knee pads with multi point starburst in silver on the fronts with the background being magenta. Knee high boots in magenta and silver buckles. Standard face thing in either black or magenta. The tips of his fade into magenta. [this is the best I could come up with. im sorry]

Indigo Corps [Compassion]

>Not sure how this one would go about anything since the corp is entirely based on an alien tribe in another system. BUT Compassion and chains.

>Basically Izuku slapping people with emotions to change their ways. I dont even know where this is going. Vigilante?

That’s all I have so far folks. Hope you enjoyed it! Don’t forget to Stay Safe

#my hero academia #green lanter corps #au #izuku midoriya #quirkless #blue lantern #star sapphire #the ramblings of a tired person

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flying-elliska · 4 years

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Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions.

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one.

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example : one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work.

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do.

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame.

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand.

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor.

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

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howlitecritical · 5 years

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New character arcs and new back story because canon sucks again

Main 4 cast with notes on characters that need notes for changes to make sense Garnet: yesyesyesyesyeysyes everything good about this show. There’s not enough garnet centric things where she’s just herself and not about ruby and sapphire. More information on Garnet. Shes stoicly funny and just murders people with words sometimes. show her being rose’s top tactician. turning the tides of the war that were never in the crystal gem’s favor. maybe theres a fun earth thing shes into. Her room is the heart of the temple for a reason now. Its a balance between pearl and amethyst. The bubbles are organized, but she has her own side space with things she does as hobbies. She has a collection of antique books that she likes to read lava side and she often meditates to see corrupted gems and a future in which the CGs encounter them. maybe she even draws them out to combine ruby’s need to Do with sapphire's need to Know. Fusion is still very important to her, but not she has plot relevant interests that make sense with her character. Her character arc involves her being the first of her kind. shes something completely new! just like steven is. and for that not to bind them together is silly. She wants the best for steven and he makes her want to be an even better leader now that rose is gone and shes the only one left. she makes him think about his actions and slows down his hyper activity when he or amethyst are trying to do something reckless. From him she learns that it’s okay to let her guard down more. Homeworld might come back, but it’s not all on her shoulders. the CGs are a family and they’ll protect everyone together. Garnet in jailbreak is the first time we know shes a fusion and before that we get more about her character not just from environment around her, but her reactions to things. Maybe she feels like she needs to be in control because shes afraid that without rose, homeworld is more a danger than ever.

Amethyst: I like most of her progression actually!!! a few things I’d mess with is when she’s unnecessary hurtful to people she loves, like greg, when she shape shifted into rose, and peridot when she all but threw her stuff into the ocean. these things need to be gotten rid of, or addressed by the narrative. I’d also like to see her hanging around Vidalia wayyyyy sooner or to have a reason why they dont. As for reasons, maybe Amethyst did or said something hurtful toward her, lashing out at her for whatever reason that made their friendship strained. while a decade is a long time for a human, for a gem its nothing. so while she feels bad, Am’ isnt going to apologize herself!!! she didnt do anything wrong!!! and maybe Vidalia is the first person steven convinces her to apologize to. Steven teaches her compassion and is, in return, the gem he can relate to the best. He goes to her first with gem issues and she acts like an older sibling, trying to teach him or cover up mistakes so pearl and garnet dont find out. I think i’d like a progression of Am’ refusing to apologize to Vidalia, realizing that she was wrong and apologizing to greg, but he breaks down and can’t move past that, rendering their friendship difficult and strained as a “sometimes apologizing isnt enough and you have to change your behavior“ and then the third beat with peridot either not happening at all, where she doesnt throw someone’s comfort items into the ocean which, i think steven shouldve realized and stopped her from doing anyway, BUT if you just NEED that mistake on her part, i feel like this could be a “sometimes, you dont know how bad you hurt someone and you should apologize when you find out“ with peridot being hurt and not talking to her and amethyst has to do a big gesture to show shes sorry. I also feel like that fleshes out amedot as a ship and while i dont care about who peridot ends up with, i care about story and the way im going to make this story go, lapis will be in that fun moral grey area and i want more options in terms of story telling and of fan choice. Also!!! explore the possibility of her being deep cut and thats why shes a runt. she only looks smaller but has all these strengths because of it!!! it fits in really well and bismuth or peridot maybe because she was made for kindergardening, could tell her about it and watch her get excited because shes not ”wrong“ she never came out “wrong“ shes just different and thats okay!

Pearl: Was white diamond’s pearl, first of all! that makes every interaction more interesting, because no only did she defect from homeworld, but she defected from the Queen of homeworld and everything it stood for basically. We learn more about how homeworld operates and what places in society each gem fits from pearl, because while she doesn’t believe it herself, she isn’t kept from talking about diamonds now and what one she served. in this funky fresh au, she is sent by white to make sure the new diamond they’re cultivating from earth comes out properly (aka where the fuck did russia go) and getting her equipped with all of the technology she would need to properly rule. this is where she first meets a quartz soldier. at first she’s taken aback by the quartz’s forwardness, no one had ever talked to her like... an equal before. shes not sure if shes allowed to speak, though, she knows theyre waiting for a response. Their first interactions always begin with her requesting permission to speak. They have to wait a few more years for pink to emerge and while they’re there they slowly become friends as the life is leeched out of the area. we could have a snapshots of them waiting for together, rose getting bored and convincing pearl to come do things with her, slowly breaking her out of her shell. Pearl’s difficulty and character arc comes from not just rose and getting over her feelings, which is perfectly fine, but doesnt need to be her only trait, but finding out who she is now, not just after rose, but with humanity as a whole. with the war well and truly over. she wants to learn about what rose thought was so important to fight for, to die for, and because of that, we get her partaking in human activities that arent eating or drinking, because she still dislikes them. While Garnet reads and collects books, i think pearl being really into her weapons collection is a good idea to flesh her out more. Where did she get her swords from? Well thats a mystery. She mentions someone she cared about a long time ago made them for her and thus we get some fun bismuth foreshadowing.

Rose: And rose..... god... we could of had it all by adele plays in the background anytime i think about her. Here we have a very beautiful fat woman. Shes framed as elegant and regal by the show time and time again and i LOVED that. however after the pink diamond reveal, I have such mixed feelings about her. No more diamond bullshit. Shes the first gem that popped out. Technically she’s too early and she goes to stand guard around the birthplace of her diamond. That is where she and pearl first meet. Pearl is the first gem she ever talks to and while she innately knows stuff about home world, shes pick up a lot from the humans that live nearby. theyve shown her kindness and given her furs to wear and in turn she helped them heal their wounded by crying on them. (yes she still has healing powers sue me) she loves the humans and takes to befriending them before pearl shows up. The two of them get close and after pink diamond pops out, rose realizes what the creation of gems truly means for the world around her. They’re killing what was here before them. This isn’t creation. It’s an invasion. Being the only quartz out so far, shes forced into the role of commander for pink. Her favored soldier. And the more she does what she was “made for” the more she hates it and the more she hates the diamond authority. she convinces pink that some humans are worth keeping. As a curiosity, my diamond. they could prove useful to terraforming other planets or moons to accept life and in time, gem cultivation. She gets poofed while trying to save someone from the group of people she first made friends with. Maybe pink shatters whoever poofed her for not following her orders because of course Rose wouldnt defy her. rose is Loyal, unlike the rest of you lack luster garbage. Rose comes back with her iconic dress and shes here and queer and shes fucking Done with this shit. she hears about the shattering on her behalf and she goes to pink and asks why and she feels sick to her stomach because star, my diamond, she isnt Worth it. she isnt worth the cost of someone else’s whole Life!!! Oh rose... you’ve always been soft hearted. in this time, Pearl is quietly there. waiting to be called back by white as pink pearl has just been sent to take her place. And this is it. This is the moment rose decides to rebel. according to homeworld, her life should be no more than any other quartz. her life shouldnt be traded for that of others. So why? Why did pink do this? Do the gems in her court mean nothing to her? This is the first time a gem has ever summoned two weapons. A Sword and Shield. A knight turning on her master. She tried to attack pink. to poof her. to send a message right here and now that gems are all equal. that a lowly rose quartz is strong enough to take on a diamond! She fails, but only partly. she manages to strike a blow, but pink stays in tact long enough to strike on of her own, sending rose retreating into her gem. This is when pearl has to make a choice. No matter what she’d be shattered. Pink’s wrath when she reforms, white’s when she finds out about what happened. This is a death sentence. But if its a death sentence, its one she’ll choose for herself. she takes rose’s shield and uses the face of it to shatter pink herself, scooping up rose’s gem and getting as far away as fast as she can. This is the start of a war.

Steven: Oh boi. So i love steven, but theres moments where hes just... not good and the story doesnt stop him from doing that. So if were gonna say hes a kid with emotion based powers, we know hes soft and sweet and excitable. sometimes he pushes people too far because hes trying to do what he thinks is best. I want him to wrestle with the fact that his mom, this person everyone says is good, killed someone. she did something so horrible and she never killed anyone again, but she still did it once. I’d like him to get bits and pieces of his mothers memories and so we get to see the world and flashback things that happened in real time. Maybe he tries to talk to pearl about it, but she still wont instead of cant. He feels like an outcast and everyone would rather his mom be there, but they have him instead. basically a lot of his earlier character arc stuff before garnet and pearl talk to him about how homeworld was. They dont think hes old enough to hear about war, but it seems war is coming back and hes unprepared to face it without learning more. he facilitates more interactions with the townies and now its not just a war of gems against gems, they have humans on their side too and they’ll win!

#su criticism #su rewrite #su #su critique #su critical #steven universe #i hate the pink diamond reveal so im just Salty #cw long post

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