#i essentially just come to terms with it so I’m new to the actual workings of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

csuitebitches · 5 months

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How do you ACTUALLY network? Like the idea of a coffee chat always baffled me. Like a stranger would agree to get coffee with me for me to essentially interview and then what? I guess my bigger question is how do I provide value to them besides buying them coffee? And the whole concept just feels cringe and transactional

I’ll give you two recent examples, one of work and one of a social event.

A friend invited me to a party. I don’t know said friend very well, but we’re on good terms. I said yes cause why not.

I met a girl there who happened to do some very interesting things and had similar interests to me. How did I find that out? I asked her about herself, I found out where she was previously residing, I learned what she did for a living, and I began associating it to the things that I do. She’s from the same city that I want to move to, she now lives 20 minutes from me, and she’s interested in spirituality. My work happened to organise a similar event a week later, which I immediately invited her for. I asked her for her number so that I could send her the invite.

What she immediately liked about me and expressed, was that I don’t use social media, when we agreed to exchange contact info. I explained to her that I’d have to connect her on iMessage/ WhatsApp and not instagram. That allows us to stay in touch much better than on social media.

I left the party earlier than everyone but I looked for her and told her that we should catch up next weekend or whenever she was free. She agreed.

So this is what you learn from example 1:

1. Learn to associate.

When someone tells you that they work in XYZ company, in B city, start by connecting things in your head. Who else do you know works in the same field, could they know each other? What do you know about the work that they do, and if you don’t know much, can you find out more? Most people, including myself, love to talk about what we do at work and what our job entails. Has their work allowed them to travel a lot? If yes, where?

In order to associate, you need to read a lot and learn a lot. You have to understand what’s happening in the world, what the latest news is, because how the hell are you going to continue that conversation?

2. You have to snowball the conversation. The goal is to try and understand WHO this person is. If someone asks you, have you met CSB and you have, you should be able to say yes, this is what she’s interested in, this is what she works in - you should be able to pitch CSB to another person.

Not every single conversation has to be valuable. You also have to decide whether the person in front of you is worth your time.

3. Exchange numbers, not social media. Nothing is going to come out of exchanging instagram or LinkedIn.

4. When you’re leaving the event, look for the person you met and tell them that you’re leaving and that you guys should catch up sometime. If you haven’t exchanged contact info yet, that’s the best way to do it. “Oh let’s catch up again soon! Can I have your number? We can grab a coffee or drink whenever.”

—-

Example 2. I’d gone to a conference a few months ago. I met a young guy, around my age, who works in an accelerator. I’m very interested in the start up world, and he’s working in one of the best ones in the world, at a decent position. He immediately began telling me about recent funding that they did, what sort of start ups they’re looking for, etc. I asked him for more information, which he was super happy to talk to me about.

We’re on very good terms but we live in different cities. I often send him reports because I work in media, and he sends me PDFs and pitch decks. Whenever we’re in each other’s town, we message each other. Otherwise, I make it a point to reach out to him once a month, just casually, to find out what’s happening.

Takeaways from example 2:

5. Scratch each other’s backs. You can’t just get value from the other person, provide them with the same. It doesn’t have to be work related. Let’s say the person you’ve connected with is interested in indie music and you learn that an indie band is playing somewhere - send them a link to the event and tell them that you remembered that they like this genre, and you just wanted to share the info.

6. What’s important to learn is maintaining relationships. I reach out to all my mentors, all my latest connections once a month. That doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily going to meet them face to face, but I just check in and ask how things are going.

So.

Approach. Associate. Snowball. Exchange info. Maintain.

#q/a #networking

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indiaalphawhiskey · 10 months

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Hii India

You already said a few things about Harry taking a break.. now that the last show is over and Harry saying goodbye over Instagram, what do you think?

A lot of people have the opinion he’s going to be gone for quite a while now. Whatever it is I’m glad he’s taking the break. For me it’s a confirmation that he’s still dealing with the mess that fame is in a healthy way and I’m going to be here for when he decides to come back. I’m going to miss him so much though.

And I would love to hear your take on things. Do you think this is a goodbye for a longer time period? Or is it more an goodbye for him, to be okay with the fact that things might never be the same as they were during this tour? That his fame is changing and he accepts that he doesn’t have to control it?

Hi, love 🩵

Hmm. So, I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this, but practically speaking, for the first time, the set up of a new stunt is a hopeful sign. If they’re finding a way to keep Harry in the press, however low the profile (🤞🏼), it’s for a reason. My hunch is that he is tying up with Loewe in some way, and in that sense, I don’t think it will be long ‘til we see him again, physically (however infrequently).

But, I also think touring is tougher than he makes it seem, physically, mentally and emotionally. I think all the things he realized during COVID, about being a better son/brother/friend (and partner) is a driving force in this seemingly more urgent need to find balance. It’s certainly a shift from the way he was working/talking during Fine Line, but I also think that’s the point.

He’s now in a very rare “natural” break in his career as a musician. We haven’t had any confirmation that he’s re-signed with Columbia (although I have no doubt that he has), so for all intents and purposes, he’s currently publicly free from professional obligation for the first time in a long time (at least in terms of his music) and that is going to feel very, very odd for someone who’s been working essentially non-stop (whether in the spotlight or behind the scenes) for over a decade. I think that novelty and sense of impermanence is something he’s trying really hard to embrace; to meet with excitement rather than fear. So, for the most part, I stand by my original thoughts.

But, if I can add:

I think Harry is the kind of person that is very aware of the gravity of fate and sheer magic that has gone into his success. You can see it in the way he talks about there being “no reason he should be getting to do this instead of anyone else” and how “we’re all the same” and “this doesn’t happen to people like me very often”. In this way, I think there’s a constant groundedness about his person and an acceptance of the vulnerability of his career and his success — in other words, he knows that lighting really might not strike thrice, and I think he’s preparing himself for that. There was a moment on the last Late Late show, when he was comparing himself to Will Ferrell and he said something like “Will has longevity and I’m more a flash in the pan” (untrue, but I digress) and what struck me about that line was how acutely aware he is that things can change for him at any moment. It’s similar to his “whatever people say about you, it’s not true. If people say you’re the best thing ever, it’s not true” quote on Howard Stern; like I think it’s one of the themes of his life, having to have a firm hold on reality so that the ‘inevitable’ crash is manageable.

He also seems to be trying to learn from the lives of other musicians/celebrities, and take those lessons to heart by applying them to his life and his work. in the end, I think what he’s trying to do is just accept that there are no guarantees; that he doesn’t know and has no control over whatever happens to the world while he’s away or what he’s returning to. I think the reason it sounds so definitive and scary and existential is because it is all of those things, for him. This is a big change, and he’s giving it its space and weight for the first time, because it is the first time he’s been able to say a proper goodbye (1D hiatus was rushed, HS1 went directly into FL, FL ended abruptly during COVID… there’s a pattern.)

Bottom line though, is that I know for certain Harry fucking loves music and touring. It’s a compulsion, for him. It’s in his DNA. And that’s why I’m not scared that he’ll leave forever, because I’ve always hard the feeling his music nourishes him just as much (if not more) than it nourishes us. He does what he does for himself, and we’re a bonus, and as an artist, that is the best reason to do anything and the only reason to keep coming back to it, regardless of the uncertainty that awaits him.

Not to make this novel any longer than it is, but I’ve also had a recent thought that occurred to me: Harry is 29, which means he’s currently going through his Saturn return.

I’ve asked my therapist (who is also an astrologist) for a bit more literature on Saturn returns, cause I’m super curious about how that might be affecting him. (For background, all my friends got married around the times of their Saturn return, and both my best friend and I picked up and moved halfway across the world during ours so at least for the people in my life, it seems like it is consistent with big change, and from the way Harry is talking, it seems it might be affecting him the same way.) I’ll get back to you. 😉🪐

#iaw ask #iaw anonymous #Harry’s goodbye #Harry’s House #end of HSLOT #iaw thoughts

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sarah-yyy · 1 year

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a few of y’all have asked me about new life begins, and i’m procrastinating over work so............

BASICALLY this story revolves around the royal family of xinchuan (head of the nine states). xinchuan has a tradition wherein the other eight states send eligible women over to marry the xinchuan princes. the show opens with all these women coming into xinchuan for this selection

this is our main character li wei

bbg does Not want to be selected as a bride for any of the princes. she comes from jichuan (one of the least wealthy states, most of them are farmers) wherein people marry for love and men aren’t allowed to have concubines, she is Not Into this xinchuan polygamy bs, and is doing all she can to be sent back home asap so she can live her chill life

this is the sixth prince yin zheng, unloved (for now!) and mostly unnoticed (also for now!!) son of an unfavoured concubine. he’s introduced as being sickly and of little note in the political field. he mostly gets along with his brothers by virtue of having little interaction with them and keeping a real low profile

this boy is way smarter than he presents to outsiders!! he knows that the least favourable political marriage will be assigned to him, so he figures he might as well get ahead of it and voluntarily ask for the nominee from jichuan to be his wife

li wei ends up yin zheng’s concubine!!! which is the worst!!! not only does she have to conform to this xinchuan polygamy bs, she’s not even his main wife!!! she’s depressed for a few days until she catches wind that yin zheng only has a few weeks left to live (fake news) and it just kickstarts a whole bunch of hilarious shenanigans in which she tries to be nice to him before he dies and she gets to go home to jichuan as a widow

cue yin zheng (who doesn’t know what li wei is thinking) going: she’s??? nice to me???? mayhaps..........she be.........in love with me??????

(uhhhh because she’s adorable???? i like her)

ANYWAY y’all get the drift, it’s the whole arranged marriage, strangers to lovers, pining after my spouse vibe that i absolutely love!!!

but it’s not just that!!! it’s also that the female characters are all well-written and the friendships between all of them are so cute!!

first left is shangguan jing, fifth prince’s wife! she’s from danchuan which is a matriarchal society. she’s good at martial arts and very straightforward. does not really want to be married to xinchuan (much less to the fifth prince who starts off liking someone else), but is Doing Her Duty. i am SO INVESTED in her relationship with the fifth prince ahhhh, he’s a wimp (affectionate) who, this far in the show, has come to love his wife and is fretting constantly over how to make her happy/make her love him

first right is hao jia! she’s the second prince’s concubine and li wei’s bff. she’s sweet and well-natured and essentially Good At Everything. the second prince is kind of a dick with obvious dv tendencies, but he’s the eldest son of the emperor’s wife and next in line for the throne. i am just HOPING we get to see hao jia go off on him one day soon 😭 (side note: i’m actually also curious about the second prince’s wife - i wonder if she and hao jia will team up to get rid of the second price ugh)

this is yuan ying junzhu, my li wei’s yin zheng’s wife. hoooo boy folks, when the emperor ordered yin zheng to marry her against his Very Strong Objection, i thought we were going to start in on the angst and the whole jealous wife arc, but!!! she’s got zero interest in him, and they decide that she’ll basically stay at the manor as his advisor/li wei’s tutor! she 100% likes li wei more than she likes yin zheng lbr

not pictured but also a+++ characters that i love: the third prince’s wife + his harem of concubines (he’s named them all after the 24 traditional solar terms); the seventh prince and his wife (both of whom are adorable and just try to stay low-key and out of trouble); song wu²; all the servants at the sixth prince’s manor

ANYWAY this show is light-hearted and fun and an absolute delight to watch!! it’s been awhile since we’ve had a romcom-ish cdrama that’s had actual budget to produce something to this quality 💖 11/10 would rec!!!

where to watch: iqiyi // viki // youtube status: this updates every sunday to wednesday (local chinese time), with 2 eps being released every day. 22/40 eps have aired so far, i think iqiyi subs are up to date with the current airing schedule but i can’t be sure? someone correct me if i’m wrong!

#tv rec #new life begins #cdrama #the amount of serotonin i get from watching this every morning on my way to work is unbelievable 😭💕#thank you new life begins for giving me the will to live every monday to thursday #usual disclaimer: i don't watch cdramas with eng subs so idk the quality of the subs VENTURE IN AT YOUR OWN RISK

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novantinuum · 11 days

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Fandom: Steven Universe Rating: Teen Audiences Words: 1.3K~ Summary: “So, wait— what you’re saying is that you want me… to glow for you—?” In which a drowsy, throwaway comment inspires Steven to— fueled by Connie’s implicit trust and encouragement— test the very limits of his self-restraint.

@glowweek

Suuuuper late, but this one was inspired by this event's "Glow or Dark" prompts. I utilized both of the themes in this work.

Essentially, this story is me going "but what if Steven could enter pink mode but on his own terms and with Healthy emotions?" Steven and Connie are 22 and 21 respectively, here. This is the furthest in their future I've posted a work covering so far, ahah.

Enjoy!

“Y’know, it’s kinda a shame you only glow when you’re really, really stressed out,” Connie murmurs out of nowhere that night, nuzzling herself even further into his side. “I bet you’d make for a nice nightlight.”

“Wait, what?” Steven responds, his words punctuated by a sudden peel of bemused laughter. He props himself up in their bed, scooting apart from her wanting embrace (she gives a pitiful but very cute little whine at this, still half-asleep) so he can actually turn to meet her eyes. “Where’s this coming from?”

If he fully understands the underlying question in his fiancé’s drowsy doozy of a comment— a comment he doubts she’d ever make while awake and alert— then she’s probably inquiring about why he never consciously utilizes even half the full potential of his power, not even recreationally.

And if he’s honest, it’s a fair question. He’s been somewhat neglecting this part of himself ever since he moved in with her late last year.

After all, it’s not like there’s much practical use for many of his abilities anymore. There’s no battles left to fight. No empires left to dismantle. No need to host those monthly healing sessions he used to organize ever since he and the Gems bottled a large stock of his saliva for long term use. It’s nice, in a way. It’s like an extended vacation from all the stressors of this facet of his existence. Instead, he’s been able to focus all his time and energy on other stuff— like finally finishing his GED, pursuing enrollment in some community college courses for the fun of learning itself, and doing some experimentation with some new instruments he’s never played.

Little things.

Human things.

That glowing she speaks of, though…

The remnants of laughter fade from his lips as he refocuses on this topic.

He hasn’t snapped pink in weeks. It’s the longest period that’s passed without a flare up since that month his gem fell into an energy conserving stasis immediately following his meltdown in his teen years. So why is she bringing this up now?

What’s really on her mind?

He asks as such.

This appeal for emotional honesty seems to jostle Connie out of the brunt of her drowsiness. She rubs the sleep out of her eyes with the furthest edge of her knuckles and then parts her lips again.

“It’s just… you never use your powers anymore,” she says, her brow creasing inwards. “Any of them. And of course I understand why, but…”

“But—?”

“But sometimes… I wish things weren’t so muddled for you. That you felt free to express yourself as both a human and a Gem in this space.”

His brows thread together as he considers all this, his confusion-addled brain looping right back to the throwaway, sleepy statement that hurtled this whole conversation into being in the first place. “So, wait— what you’re saying is that you want me… to glow for you—?”

Connie snorts. “Well, my actual want is a little more nuanced, but sure. We’ll go with that as a shorthand.”

“And you do know my powers are, uh… extra volatile when I’m in that state, right?”

Her lithe fingers glide their way across the subtle peaks and valleys of his inner wrist. Caught amidst the thorny brambles of his anxiety, such feather light skin contact is grounding.

Mesmerizing.

“Nothing you do could ever truly scare me,” she reminds him, the calloused contours of her hand dancing along every last edge and sweeping curve of the lines etched into his broad palm.

Steven hums, the latent tension in his form unraveling under the spell of his fiancé’s gentle affection.

And with the loving encouragement of her words echoing like a fleeting melody within the drowsy, wandering neurotransmissions of his consciousness comes a sudden thought:

Can he glow pink on demand?

Is it even possible for him to wrest conscious control of this ability? To find a healthy means of tapping into that vast sum of energy lying dormant in his gem without trudging through the burdens of anger, misery, or fear?

Are these diamond powers something he could one day reclaim for good?

His eyelids flutter shut. Inhaling with a deep-rooted purpose and focusing inwards on the familiar, dual sensations of his partner’s knowing touch and his gem’s constant, faint vibrations, he reflects upon the broad menagerie of feelings and emotional states that govern his other abilities:

Responsibility.

Joy.

Compassion.

Grief.

Love.

If he’s intending to tap into this well by choice… to summon this strength and glow for his Connie… what kind of emotion does he wish to anchor himself with?

Nothing you do could ever truly scare me, her promise rings in his ears once again.

The sentiment flows through his veins like sweet nectar, a healing magic all its own.

Trust.

That’s it. Connie trusts him implicitly— without question, without resolve.

So maybe it’s time he finally grapples with all the facets of his identity he’s long neglected and starts to trust himself, too.

Confident in his decision to at least try, he entwines their fingers together, expressing his endearment through a quick triple squeeze.

Okay.

Okay…

Deep breath, Steven. Deep breath. You’re home. You’re safe. You can pull back whenever you want. YOU are in control.

With one final shaky inhale, he opens his mind to the potent sum of energy swirling within the fathomless layers of his gem.

That familiar glow blooms from his cheeks on command, spreading across the entire span of his body in but a split second and casting their bedroom in a soft, tranquil, shadow-casting pink. It’s almost like flipping a light switch— which makes Connie’s earlier comparison all the more amusing. He can’t help but let out a quavering laugh of relief at his victory, meeting his partner’s eyes as he revels in the sweet euphoria of everything this accomplishment means for him as both a gem and a human being.

Her gaze surges with a wealth of pride and warmth while she drinks in the sight. Flashing him a teasing smile, she dances her hand up the length of his arm and towards his center, splaying her fingers wide across his bare chest, right over his heart. Steven’s breath hitches. Such tactile sensations seem far more sensitive in this state than they are for him normally. The sheer memory of her touch buzzes at his core like a giddy swarm of butterflies in his stomach, each and every minuscule shift in her contact commanding his full attention.

It’s a beautiful moment— and there’s a small segment of him that wishes it could linger just a while longer— but that damned logic within his mind recognizes it’s smarter to pull back now rather than cling to such a fickle surge of power a second too long and risk potential disaster. No matter how much fulfillment swells within his soul for what he’s achieved here, this ability is still untrained… unrefined. Tonight’s accomplishment is only the beginning of his journey to reclaim it.

He exhales slow and steady, willing that glimmering pink pallor to sink back into his hard-light veins. Their room grows dark once more. His gem’s once fervent hum fades into a hushed murmur. A relieved, watery smile stretches across his cheeks as he feels all the lingering remnants of that energy dissipate right alongside his fading adrenaline.

Her head tilting with ample curiosity as she regards him, Connie shifts her hold to his shoulder. “And how did that feel?”

“Not as scary as I thought it’d be,” he admits with a shrug, carding his hand through his curls.

She smiles. “Good.“

Pulling their bodies flush, she plants a swift, tender kiss upon his lips. (Always a treasure to savor, no matter how fleeting the circumstances.) Then, leading by example, she tucks herself back under the covers, patting the adjacent pillow in invitation.

Entirely smitten, Steven follows in turn.

“Anyways, as usual I was completely right,” she says, nestling herself against his side once more.

His brows raises, an amused chuckle rumbling in his chest. “About—?”

Grinning, she reaches up boop the tip of his nose.

“You do make for a beautiful nightlight, silly.”

#su #su future #steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #steven/connie #su fanfic #my writing stuff #glowweek

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msperfect777 · 10 months

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I just wanted to give you thanks for your master series (?) on non-dualism. (sort of a long send)

Since august 2022 I have struggled with my path of LOA, first I discovered LOA via twitter and was lead down the path of A+P.

Struggling with my ego trying to affirm the “negative thoughts” away. I felt hopeless, I came onto tumblr for some release and spiraled even more. Overconsuming, months of working my body into exhaustion because I truly didn’t know who I was. I didn’t fully understand I did not have to do anything nor “get anything” it just already was, and I just wasn’t aware of it so to speak.

I discovered non-dualism as of a month and 2 weeks ago, and I have been at ease ever since after coming to terms with my real and true being.

I’ve been spending time alone, not even identifying with my own “name” I was given I’ve just been at peace.

I’ve actual been able to enjoy the present moment, not worrying about my haunting “past” and the worrying “future” because those are just mere things that only exist if I’m aware of them.

Realizing problems only exist because I am aware of them, all problems suddenly faded away with ease as i turned my focus away from them.

Shifting my awareness into things that I would like to see and experience.

My “human self” was dealing with an highly abusive and narcissistic household, but since then she has been able to get emancipated, found a job that she really loves and pays really well, indulges in hobbies, and has made new loving & supporting friends.

All things her ego wouldn’t have thought was possible a month ago. Life has been much more fun after discovering non-dualism. Everything becomes easier when you essentially realize nothing is conspiring against you and that everything is present. TYSM again❤️

this is exactly why the loa community can be so toxic and confusing. ive been thro the same thing like affirming and then the states stuff and it was just too much to worry about and i never got anywhere💀 im sorry that u have struggled so much before. yesss non dualism brings peace and freedom and im so happy u found that😍. “realizing problems only exist because i am aware of them, all problems suddenly faded away” exactly period😛. omggg im so happy you finally got out of ur abusive household this is making me smile fr. YOUR WELCOME AND TY FOR SHARING💋

#non dualism #nondualism #non duality #nonduality #observer #consciousness #spirituality

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analogwriting · 5 months

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It Comes in Waves

Chapter 23: Crumbly Waves

Trafalgar Law x gn!reader word count: 3k a/n: wow, sorry this took so long. there were a lot of parts i kept rewriting but i also took an impromptu vacay to see the fam for the holidays. boy howdy was that a trip. but i got an outline done for another fic i wanna do with killer ;a; i couldn't concentrate enough for this fic. since it's the ending parts, i wanted to be able to actually focus on it. anyway, here's to hoping it's not ass first|next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, is your name Keiki? Like that doctor called you?” A small Law asked you.

You blinked looking at him as you both browsed the market. Your father and the man that was with Law were talking about things and the two of you decided to go to the market to kill some time. You were craving some fish anyway.

“Hm?” You looked at him, shaking your head. “Ah, no. It’s just a word we use. It’s like a term of endearment for a child,” you explained with a shrug. “My name is y/n!” You smiled widely at him before looking at the fish currently on display.

“Also that doctor is my dad! He’s the best one on the island!” You smiled proudly with a nod.

“He’s the only doctor on the island,” the vendor chimed, looking at the two of you with a fond expression. You huffed, folding your arms. “Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean he can’t also be the best!”

“Yes it does,” Law said. “There’s no competition, so he can’t really be the best.” He looked at you with a weird expression and you scoffed. “Whatever, he’s the best.” You stuck your tongue out at him which he guffawed at you.

The vendor laughed at the two of you. “Is this your new friend, y/n?” You looked at the vendor and nodded, putting your arm around the boy next to you. “Absolutely!” Law sputtered, turning red as he pushed you off of him. “N-No, I’m not! I just met you!” He huffed, folding his arms and avoiding eye contact with you and the vendor.

Once more the vendor laughed, shaking his head. “Well, either way. A friend of our little y/n here, is a friend of ours.” He held out two small spam musubis. “How about a snack? I’m sure all this touring is working up an appetite.” He smiled at the two of you.

You grinned widely, happily taking it. “Thanks, Makani.” Law blinked, staring at it. He didn’t seem to trust it. You looked at him. “It’s okay! I promise it’s really yummy!” You smiled wide as you bit into yours. “Mm!”

He watched you for a moment before taking the small snack from the vendor. He thanked him before taking a bite. “That’s not bad,” he mumbled. You smiled at him. “See!”

You two were walking on, the occasional vendor greeting you and you greeting them back. “Is everyone here so nice?” Law asked, looking at you.

“I think so, yeah. I’ve never met someone here I didn’t like.” You shrugged, putting your hands behind your head as you walked. “Well, one time a classmate of mine took my dessert without asking and I cried, but other than that, things are pretty nice!”

Law watched you for a long moment. You were so happy and carefree - he didn’t understand it. How could someone not have a single worry in the world? How could someone be so happy and smile all the time? And how the hell did that damn smile make his cheeks warm up? Maybe his sickness was getting worse, he’d need to let Corazon know as soon as possible.

“Are you okay, Law?” you asked, looking at him. He sputtered again, his cheeks turning red as he pulled down his hat. “I’m fine!” He huffed. “I was just…looking at your necklace,” he said, making an excuse.

You looked down at the pendant around your neck and smiled widely. “Oh this? Everyone on the island has one!” You giggled and let it fall to your chest once more. “They’re essential to our lives and very important to us. We almost can’t live without them!”

Law just looked at you. “There’s no way a necklace can be that important.” You huffed at him and rolled your eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand, but that’s okay.” You smiled at him, making his heart race again. You looked at him for a moment. “I have a feeling you will know one day!” Then you laughed. He looked at you, confused. “Wait what does that-”

“Well, it’s getting late. We should probably head back. Dad should be making dinner soon!” You soon grabbed Law’s hand and took off despite his protests.

The memory invaded Law’s mind as he stared at the pendant currently in his hand. He had it engraved in his brain now. The unique shape, the stark white of it, every pattern and crevice that was in the design. That’s all he really did since you left. He was laying low, so he had plenty of time to just…think - and think he did. He spent a lot of time thinking about you. Wondering if you were okay. Well, not just wondering. Worrying. He was so worried about you that it almost drove him mad.

He was also looking at a photo. It was of you, him, and Luffy. From the party, one of the celebrations from a successful mission. All three of you were fast asleep. He wasn’t sure where the picture came from, but he had found it in his jacket pocket when you returned it to him. He kept it ever since, looking at it whenever he missed you. Which has been a lot lately.

He sighed, letting the pendant fall back onto his chest where it hadn’t left since you placed it on him. He placed the photo back into his pocket. He closed his eyes, memories playing behind his eyelids again. He might have only been on your island a few days all those years ago, but he had found great…comfort in them. Those days were the most normal he’d felt. Those few days, he was able to feel like a normal kid rather than a broken and sick child. He remembered Corazon even enjoying himself.

Even if he did almost accidentally catch your house on fire.

Law smiled fondly at the memory. He didn’t really think about you or your island after they left. It had been a little too painful to think about. The sense of normalcy that he’d never be able to attain, especially after Corazon died.

Over the years, he slowly had forgotten about that short solace he had experienced. A place he’d never be able to visit again, people he’d never see again. It was best not to dwell on it. He had no idea the fate of your island, but he knew he’d never be able to find it again.

That was, until he had seen you that day. He had spotted you in the crowd of people. It was almost as if the world stopped as his eyes landed on you. He felt as if the world was granting him this one thing. Finally giving him a break he so desperately needed. A feel of comfort that he long yearned for.

Only for it to be shattered when you didn’t seem to remember him.

He should’ve known that it had been too good to be true. It was only a few days and it was so long ago. He wasn’t surprised you didn’t remember. He was probably just one of the many passing faces you saw, nothing more than that. It had pained him to see the look of unrecognition in your eye. You had absolutely no recollection of who he was. Not even once you learned his name. You truly didn’t remember him and it pained him but, he still couldn’t help it. He held onto the hope that you’d remember.

He had also noticed you didn’t smile anymore. You seemed like a shell of the person you had been. Sure, people changed and grew up, but not as dramatically as you had changed. No one went from a smiling kid without a worry in the world to an emotionless shell of a human being without something terrible happening. He knew that first hand.

Only what happened to make you this way? He knew he couldn’t just ask you, but he also knew that nothing was really known about your island. He had tried, once, to look into it. But to no avail.

Fate kept torturing him further by repeatedly bringing you back into his life as well. Still not a single memory of him. When he had happened to run into you on that island and he saw that man harming you, he felt an anger within him that almost resembled primal rage. He had almost gone in and slaughtered the man where he stood for treating you in such a way - he barely kept his composure.

Between that and the scars he had seen on your body when he patched you up that time, he saw that you really had gone through something awful to make you the way you were. He had also assumed all the trauma had blocked out any good memories you might have had. It really made sense now why you wouldn’t remember him. He just…wished he could see that smile one more time.

Then you disappeared on him. It made him panic. It wasn’t like when you left him after the Sabaody incident where he knew you were okay and that he’d likely see you again. He had gone into the infirmary to check on you and you were just…gone. It sent him into a frenzy and he ran to the upper deck where he saw you take off. He didn’t understand why.

Fate had decided to tease him once more on that island where he had to win his crew back. Being thrown in a cell on a random island and it just happened to be you of all people? He had been so relieved to see you alive and well that he had almost just taken you in his arms and didn’t let you go, but he knew he couldn’t act like that.

His feelings for you had grown even more during your time on that island. Seeing how smart and capable you were, it blew him away. You were air headed back when you were a kid. Completely the opposite of how you were now. Given the circumstances, it made sense. But, you just kept pulling tricks out of a hat and Law was amazed every time. You basically had photographic memory and could just build a car in a couple of hours? You made him feel dumb. Something that hardly anyone could do, he always had the upper hand.

And he was falling so hard for you.

Only for him to fall harder when he realized that you risked something so important to you for his own crew. A crew that you hadn’t known very well or very long. Sure, you had met them a couple of times, but nothing life changing to make someone risk their lives for them. But you did just that. Without hesitation either. There was no doubt in your actions and you took them definitively. You were so sure of yourself and it had blown him away.

Then he saw it again. That warm smile that had gotten his heart beating all those years ago. The one that you had worn almost constantly the entire time he had been on that island. He had almost just taken you in his arms right then and there, claiming you as his. You had this effect on him. You brought out his most primal urges. You made it hard for him to control himself.

His world had damn near shattered when you told him no. He had somewhat expected you to say yes because of how fast you were willing to lay down your life for the crew. And they had already grown fond of you in turn.

He respected your decision as much as he wasn’t a fan of it. How could he keep you safe if you weren’t where he could protect you? But then you basically promised to join his crew the next time you saw him and he had accepted those terms so quickly. He had never hoped so hard for fate to be kind.

The year you were apart, he had grown to accept he might not see you again. He didn’t see anything about you in the papers - he didn’t even exactly know what you were doing that was so important that you couldn’t join the crew. He had thought about you often and Shachi and Penguin didn’t let him hear the end of it. It was the worst that they knew him a little too well. They always knew when he was thinking about you, saying that there was a certain look in his eye when he did so.

Then Punk Hazard happened. Making the connection that the infamous Faceless Bounty and you were the same person alongside of thinking he saw you die was almost too much for him to handle. It took every fiber in his being not to completely shut down when he saw those events on the screen. Unbeknownst to Luffy, he had actually given him hope when he mentioned the possibility of you surviving. That a black screen didn’t mean you died.

He held on to that shred of hope as if his life depended on it.

Then Usopp had shown up what looked like your corpse and he, once again, almost shut down. Again, he held onto that hope. Luckily, Usopp had spoken quick enough, mentioning you were still breathing and he had silently thanked whatever god was looking down on him, deciding to grant him this one mercy. He worked hard with Chopper to heal your injuries, silently praying it would be enough to save your life. He was never one to believe in any form of deity, but here he was…praying you’d be okay.

When you stabilized, he had never felt more relieved in his life. Then when you woke up, all he wanted to do was spill all his feelings for you. To tell you how much you meant to him, but something stopped him and he ended up scolding you instead. He wasn’t exactly good at feelings.

He also never really had the chance to ask you to join his crew. He was focused on taking down Doflamingo and Luffy was always attached to your hip. Seeing the way you had interacted with the Strawhats, he had kind of convinced himself that you’d rather join them than him. That you had forgotten the promise you made. He wanted you to be happy and you seemed to be that way around the Strawhats, so he had started backing off.

Though, you made that impossible. You always seemed to find him. Maybe you hadn’t forgotten, after all. He knew you were also terrible at expressing when you wanted something. He, once more, had hope that you did remember and wanted to join. He just needed to ask now. Again, he never had the chance.

Finding out that your lives were both ruined by the same person was another cruel twist of fate he could’ve never dreamed of. You both had loved ones killed due to that damned warlord? It was asinine.

Again, he watched as you gave away something important to save his life. You gave away the secret of your people. Your ability to heal others. Just to save his life. He had tried to talk you out of it, but just like before, your resolve was strong and you didn’t have a single doubt in your mind. You just kept taking his breath away and making him fall deeper in love with you. You were so selfless, so amazing.

When he reunited with his own crew along with you, that also only solidified his decision on asking you to join his crew. Seeing how excited they were to see and interact with you, he knew that they had already accepted you as one of their own. They cared for you and you cared for them. If only he had mustered the courage to fucking ask.

Now, you were currently risking your life for yet another person. It was just something you always did at this point. Your entire agenda was risking your life to free those who were enslaved, so it was no surprise that you offered to help save Sanji.

Law was mad at himself. He should’ve asked you sooner to join his crew, so he could tell you no but…he knew you wouldn’t have listened. You joining the crew was just a formality and you wouldn’t have any problem standing up to him if you had to. You had no problem leaving if needed. He didn’t have any real power over you. You were the only person that would be able to outsmart him and be able to use his words against him.

“CAPTAIN!” “BOSS!” Shachi, Penguin, and Bepo’s voices tore him out of his thoughts abruptly. He jumped slightly, having been so lost in thought, he had forgotten they were even around.

He groaned, sitting up. “What? What are you being so loud for?”

The three of them were running, panting heavily as they pointed from where they had just been. “S-Strawhat! He’s back! And he’s with Roronoa Zoro, heading to Bakura Town!”

Law was on his feet in seconds. Strawhat was here? Well, that meant you were here? “Does that mean-?”

“We didn’t see them, captain,” Bepo said with a small frown. “Just the two.” Law felt his heart drop. If you weren’t with him, where were you? What happened? Were you okay? So many questions ran through his head, but he knew he needed to keep his cool. “Wait. They’re going to cause nothing but trouble! We have to stop those idiots!” His voice was progressively getting louder.

And with that, they were off to try to prevent whatever trouble Luffy and Zoro were about to cause. Hopefully get some answers about your whereabouts as well.

#one piece #law x reader #one piece x reader #one piece x you #trafalgar d law #trafalgar d water law #trafalgar law #trafalgar law x reader #iciw #am fics

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horrorsprovider · 8 months

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Process Discussion: Fan Design - Fatui Lyney

for my non-art account followers, this is referring to a full illustration + design on my art account!

the really, really long post containing all the research and thought processes behind my fatui lyney fan design 👍

when starting a new fan design, my starting point will be the time period/era

for this particular design, i started with the time period/era the character comes from. in some other cases i look for the origin and/or popular use of a concept began, such as when a certain fabric began being commonly used or the rise and fall of fashion trends. so, i took to fontaine’s “culture” section and some reading on the entries for the regions fashion as my jumping off point.

Fontaine’s fashion (looking specifically at the court’s men’s fashion) ranges from mid/late 18th century to the early 19th century, however Lyney and Lynette’s designs contain elements coming from the early 20th century (circus/acrobatic uses of leotards)

from there, i do some research on the events and era’s in the world at during those times. i found a period spanning from 1871/1880 - 1914 called La Belle Époque, which is considered a highly optimistic time, in which peace, economic prosperity and technological advancements were some of the defining characteristics, as well as a time when the arts flourished.

Fontaine’s women NPCs’ fashion seems to take after the fashion in this period, and it’s likely that this is where most of the inspiration for Fontaine is taken from.

during La Belle Époque, Burlesque performances were more mainstream. Burlesque was a type of comedic, dramatic musical theatre that treated serious subjects in a very joking matter. While actual Burlesque costumes were very interesting, it seems Lynette’s design takes after modern day costumes (3rd image)

unfortunate. but not the point!!

as Burlesque was mostly female dominated, i went looking for another type of theatre that featured more male actors in hopes to find inspiration for Lyney’s design. i dug through the Burlesque wiki page and found that Burlesque is derived from Pantomime, another musical comedy based theatre that was aimed more at family audiences.

from there i discovered Harlequinade, which i think people will find interesting:

“…a variant of the Commedia dell’arte… a comic incident in the lives of its five main characters: Harlequin (Arlecchino) who loves Columbine (Columbina)”

“Originally a mime act (Lyney and Lynette’s stage makeup resembles mime makeup)… the harlequinade later employed some dialogue, but remained primarily a visual spectacle… An often elaborate magical transformation scene… changing the first part of the pantomime, and it’s characters, into the harlequinade… In the late 18th and 19th centuries, the harlequinade became the larger part of the entertainment, and the transformation scenes was presented with increasingly spectacular stage effects.”

additionally:

“Harlequin is the comedian and romantic male lead… His everlasting high spirits and cleverness work to save him from difficult situations into which his amoral behaviour leads during the course of the harlequinade. In some versions of the original Commedia dell’arte, Harlequin is able to perform magic feats.”

so, i’m guessing this is where the idea of magicians came in, and that Harlequinade/the Harlequin character was a core aspect when developing Lyney’s character, considering it’s an adaptation of the Commedia dell’arte (and the Harlequin is essentially a spin-off/“version” of Arlecchino, the Italian name for Harlequin)

although Harlequinade didn’t provide much in terms of design aspects, it did provide some connections i thought were interesting to bring up!

from this point i reeled back in to just researching general mens fashion in the 18th-19th centuries. unfortunately mens fashion has always been very boring, save for the colours of their waist coats, so a lot of this design came from the blending of Lyney and Arlecchino’s designs…

which is what i was aiming to do in the first place! when i’m doing research for fan designs, my intention isn’t to slap a modern-made character into a historical outfit. i want to study the principles of clothing back then, such as what parts of the body are emphasized, what figures/shapes were common/considered attractive, the meaning for colours at the time and how they liked to accessorize, etc

i then took to my canvas and started picking apart Lyney’s in game outfit, trying to find what parts were just for aesthetic reasons, and what parts actually had historical grounds to them. i also did some analysis on it, such as why/how this design fits the idea of the Magician character so well while being so unconventional to the actual concept.

(sorry my notes are so haphazardly done haha, i usually don’t intend to show these to anyone but i thought i would anyways!!)

(small green text on the right reads: clothes themselves aren’t inherently (nearly certain i used that word wrong) complex — accessories are added to basic clothing cuts)

when we think of magicians today, we think black and white 2 piece suit with a matching top hat, black cape and white gloves, who is sometimes carrying a black and white stick wand. however Lyney’s design strays rather far from that idea, while still maintaining the core idea. i think his design is very successful in being able to translate a bland idea into something unique but still reading as a magician.

the suit coat and the magicians cape are translated into coat tails attached to a black leotard. the dress shirt has simply been cut into 3 pieces: a halter collared/frilled shirt with separated sleeves. i believe a very effective design choice was to make the sleeves baggy, to not only bulk up the arms of the silhouette (as the rest of the design is very skin tight), but to be reminiscent of the loose dress shirts that were popular amongst men during that time. he isn’t wearing dress pants, but the stockings and boots serve to fill that purpose.

even with all these changes, Lyney’s design is effective because it fills the criteria to a certain extent while adding a special twist to it (being very very slutty). these aspects are parts i wanted to make sure had very little change when i was making my design, because i felt if that removing them would no longer “make” the character. it would no longer feel like Lyney’s design without them, and thus would not fill the criteria in the same unique way his canon design does. it had to still read as “Lyney” when new eyes set a first glance on it, but still different enough to understand its Lyney, but different.

i wanted my design to emphasize those parts, to really push the image of the Magician. the challenge was to create a distinct design that was still very clearly Lyney, but was also clearly influenced by Arlecchino. to do this, i tried to replicate Arlecchino’s silhouette as closely as possible while also maintaining/emphasizing those 3 main aspects.

the new coat tails would take a similar shape to Arlecchino’s, and the baggy sleeves would end in frills, just as hers does. however, since i really don’t like the idea of Lyney in a suit, i had to find a way to replicate the sharp shoulders that a suit jacket would create without just putting him in a suit jacket. while i could’ve just ignored this detail, i found that his top half would be very bare (literally) and i believe the pointed shoulder silhouette of a suit is rather important! it broadens the shoulders, making the characters silhouette feel more intimidating.

before this little challenge of mine, i was trying to find ways to give Lyney a proper cape, since i really don’t think his little shoulder cape does him justice. during that time, i found his design simply isn’t able to support a cape as is, because it’s set up differently in comparison to the other cape-wearing characters in genshin.

if we take a look at a character like Kaeya, we’ll notice how most of his defining design aspects are towards the top of his body, while the lower half remains rather blank. the cape serves as a way to “extend the areas of interest” down towards the bottom so it remains interesting for longer instead of just stopping at the waist. HYV takes special care to ensure the backs of their playable characters are interesting to look at during gameplay (which is why so many characters have weird long pieces of hair.)

i call this method of designing the “inverted triangle,” as the concentration of design aspects dwindles the further you go down. this can be applied to most other cape-wearing characters — with few exceptions

Lyney, on the other hand, has most of his defining characteristics on his lower half. his design is what i consider an “upright triangle”

save for the hat, most of the large shapes and blocks of colour are located on the lower half of his body (the coat tails, the bagginess of the sleeves, the stockings/garters)

when trying to add a cape on top of that all, the bottom half becomes too busy, and throws off the balance.

a tragedy 😔 the sacrifices we must make (cool cape) due to the existing circumstances (cool coat tails and many, many belts)

so, for this fan design i decided to scratch that itch. i still couldn’t give him the big cape due to the above reasons, but i did make his half shoulder cape into a full one that hung from both shoulders. it was almost like combining his and Lynette’s, haha

originally i left the medal out of the design, but i thought it would imply too much if i did. i didn’t want this design to read as me making Lyney a broken, depressed man, because that feels like such a general sweep for the concept of him as the new Father. the idea behind this design is to really play into him taking Arlecchino’s place, which is why i focused on making his silhouette so much like hers.

Lyney is still allowed to have his own personal tastes in his clothing, but ultimately he will look to her as an example of what he should be for the new children of the House. he would think that Arlecchino is the standard, considering how successfully she raised him and his family (the specifics of “successful” can be debated but shhh), so logically, he would try to mimic her, both consciously and not.

another change i wanted to make (due to my personal tastes in regards to his original design) was to make it more extravagant, more dramatic (especially on the back). the Harbingers’ designs stand out, and i wanted to reflect that in a way. (i really don’t think Lyney is going to take over Arlecchino’s Harbinger position, just as the new Father so she can put her focus elsewhere! but since she’s a Harbinger, i think it’s fair he gets a dramatic makeover as her successor 🫶🫶)

also, Lynette has a friendship level 4 line talking about how their magic shows/magic careers have become convenient fronts to gain access around Fontaine. i wanted to emphasize that mask and really make this design scream “performer.” with his new role, i imagine it would be increasingly difficult to keep up with his image as a famous magician and as the leader of the House, so he exaggerates the performer persona to compensate for it, almost adding yet another wall of the facade. it’s more “over the top,” with smaller changes but glaringly obvious that something is different.

some smaller design notes/commentary that don’t really have much to them so it’s quick fire time

i wanted the inside of his tailcoats to be much more vibrant than they are in game to add to the Drama (also because waistcoats were the Only Thing men really had at the time to customize so they really went all out with the colours)

the medal on the back of his cape is purple as sort of a middle ground between him and Lynette (because i saw an idea that it’s kind of like an ei/shogun situation where 2 people are under the Father identity in the House but the inhabitants just know Lyney and i really like that!!!!! i also think it’d just be weird to have Lynette kind of be in a lesser position to Lyney when they’ve been equals their entire lives so it’d be cool to have her as his double)

the feather(?) on Lyney’s hat is the same as Arlecchino’s hair pin on her ponytail

the magenta lipstick is related to his c6 title “guarded smile.” for context, the colour magenta isn’t a real colour on the light spectrum, it just exists as filler we created on the colour wheel when red and purple mix. i have a lot of Thoughts about Lyney with the colour magenta (and honestly i don’t know if it was on purpose at all but i think it’s cool regardless)

i tried real fucking hard to not make this read as Gogol from BSD and i’ll be deeply upset if any comparison is at all made. do you know how many diamond patterns and card accessories i had to remove because it just looked like Gogol. fucking agony.

thank you for reading this long ass post. i always love reading dev discussions/notes on concept art cause it’s so so so interesting how much story/thought is behind a design that we just don’t know about and it really makes me appreciate stuff more!!!! highly encourage info dumping alllllll the ideas behind ur ocs or art or writing etc its so so so fun i promise i read all authors notes and tags people leave on their stuff. it’s my enrichment.

#lyney #genshin impact lyney #arlecchino #fatui #gensin impact #kiyo’s art discussions

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literary-illuminati · 3 months

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2024 Book Review #7 – Montress Volume 2: The Blood by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda

I am very slowly re-reading this series as what’s likely to be the vast majority of my comic consumption for the year. The deliberately slower pace is almost certainly a good decision, as it means this time around I’m actually appreciating the individual issues and volumes as, like, coherent works in and of themselves rather than just plunging through the entire backlog in one burst.

This volume picks up after some indeterminate timeskip following the first one, opening with Maika Halfwolf, Kippa and Ren arrive in the (aspirationally) neutral port city of Thyria, trashing Maika’s mother’s apartments for clues on what she was researching when she died – and thus, hopefully, clues of Maika’s past and the whole eldritch symbiotic living in her soul that sometimes bursts out to eat people thing. The clues lead them to a cursed island where her mother travelled before she was born to question the god imprisoned within, where both she and Zinn (the aforementioned symbiote) are confronted with thoroughly unwelcome revelations about their pasts. Also so, so many people die.

With the basic conceits of the setting and plot established in the first volume, this one is free to delve deeper in intricacies – the backstories and relationships various characters have to the world, and to a lesser extent the Deep Lore and metaphysics underlying the world (though that is still far less prominent than I recall it getting later). We learn what Zinn’s place in the society of the Monstrum was, and how they came to be trapped and embodied in the mortal world; we likewise learn quite a lot about Maika’s (terrible, horrible, very bad no good) family and childhood, and to a much lesser extent even a bit about what Master Ren got up to before the plot started. We also learn about several historical murders and genocides, and get out first real look at the Shaman Empress, one of the two historical incredibly powerful sorceresses who shaped the history of the world who I kept getting confused in my head when I read this series the first time.

Buried in all the lore we do get a really amazingly realized journey to a creepy cursed island that is revealed to be the overgrown bones of a dead god on which another has been imprisoned for attempted geno- and mass filicide. Nothing about it breaking any new ground in the genre of creepy cursed jungle islands, but it was an exceptionally well-executed example of the form.

But plot and lore aside this really is a character dynamics book – or, well, dynamic singular. Maika’s mom really fucked her up, basically. Not that it’s a good series for healthy parenting generally but discovering you only exist before your mom fucked a guy from a specific bloodline so she could have and use you as a moldable vessel for eldritch rituals has got to be up there, right?

In particular, quite a lot of care and effort is spent on this has fucked Maika up. Basically her entire relationship with Kippa this volume could be cut out as a case study in cycles of abuse and how Maika both deeply resents and knows she was hurt by how her mother raised her but also literally doesn’t have any other model for how to take care of a kid than ‘teach her to swim by throwing her overboard and fishing her back out if it looks like she’s actually going to drown’ repeated ad nauseam. (It’s really very telling that Maika gets far more emotional warmth and physical affection from her godfather – self-described ‘murderous pirate’ – than she ever does from her mother).

It’s far less salient than it will become later, but throughout the volume there’s also very much a secondary theme of what it means to leave with guilt. Or not even guilt so much as culpability – discovering that pre-amnesia you murdered your sibling because they opposed, coming to terms with the fact that your existence is essentially vampiric and your continued life requires the murder of others, a whole mess of dealing with betraying either relationships or principles when the two come in conflict. Not really doing anything with it yet, but the subject’s definitely getting raised.

Anyway, everything I said about the art in my review of volume one still stands – easily the most beautiful comic series I’ve ever read. And if I remember right next volume is when my all-time favorite character gets introduced, so looking forward to it!

#book review #monstress #comic #sff #lesbian space atrocities

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pynkhues · 4 months

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curious as to your thoughts on the may december discourse (some spoilers i guess) - vili has come out and essentially said that he felt the film contributed to his victimization and hurt him. and the response from a lot of film twitter seems to be to yell ITS NOT A BIOPIC and to say he doesnt understand the film (gross). i feel like i dont really care if its a biopic or not, when the film literally quoted vili/mary kay, recreated the mary kay in prison photo exactly, and both charles melton and julianne moore studied vili/mary kay for their performances. to hand wave that all as "not a biopic" feels like a way of writing off any discomfort. i feel like the film should not have made those specific choices, but having done so they had a duty of care to vili. i dont think the film that ended up getting made is worth the continued trauma to vili even if it is art. there were other ways they could have told the story to minimize the harm and they chose not to - and i dont think that choice is a great commentary on tabloids or whatever, its just a ghoulish thing to do

I did see that, anon, and I do have thoughts on it as it's a real grey area in terms of creative license, art and storytelling, and it's a grey area that's been around really since storytelling existed, but before I get into that I just want to quickly clarify what Vili said, because I do think it's important.

Vili didn't say that the film contributed to his victimisation and hurt him, he said the film offended him because it was a ripoff:

“I’m still alive and well,” says Fualaau, now 40 and still living in the Seattle area, where the scandal unfolded. “If they had reached out to me, we could have worked together on a masterpiece. Instead, they chose to do a ripoff of my original story. “I’m offended by the entire project and the lack of respect given to me — who lived through a real story and is still living it,” he adds.

“I love movies — good movies,” he says. “And I admire ones that capture the essence and complications of real-life events. You know, movies that allow you to see or realize something new every time you watch them. “Those kinds of writers and directors — someone who can do that — would be perfect to work with, because my story is not nearly as simple as this movie [portrays],” Fualaau adds.

The reason I think this distinction is an important one to make is because in interviews since Mary Kay Letourneau passing, it's pretty clear that Vili - while absolutely being a victim-survivor - doesn't see himself that way, and even says pretty specifically in his Doctor Oz interview from 2020 that he doesn't see her as a predator or himself as having been preyed on ('there was no perversion...she was my wife and my best friend' are his exact words), and he's pretty clearly open to the idea of a film being made about his story.

I'm not saying this to diminish his feelings about May December at all (I strongly believe that Vili is entitled to feel any and every which way about the film) or to patronise his own understanding of what he experienced - I can't even begin to imagine the complexity of trying to unpack the life he shared with her - but I think it's important to reflect his feelings accurately and to provide a little context to those feelings.

With that said, do I think the creative team should've reached out to Vili before making the film?

Honestly, I don't know.

I think it's one of those questions in art where there's not really a right answer. If Vili's feelings towards Mary Kay are still lost in the silver linings of her grooming, any film that has his direct approval or involvement is going to run the risk of tacit endorsement. It also hamstrings the creative team and opens them up in terms of liability (I actually was a writers assistant on a TV show a million years ago that was sort of a bio pic and I can tell you for a fact that it was a disaster once the person it was based on got involved), and, of course, it runs the risk of shifting the focus of the story the writer is wanting to tell.

And that's the thing about art, right? By design, art is supposed to reflect us back to ourselves in ways that we might not always be comfortable with. Of course, that usually happens less literally than in how Todd Haynes has used Vili and Mary Kay's stories, but not always. Todd Haynes is certainly no stranger to the technique given Velvet Goldmine is pretty transparently inspired by David Bowie and I'm Not There is often confused as a Bob Dylan bio pic despite the fact that it's actually not.

Hell, everyone loves that Succession points a pretty clear finger to the Murdoch's, and while, of course, the Murdoch's - and Bowie and Dylan for that matter - have social, political and economic power that Vili doesn't which does impact the ethics of the decision, it's still made under the same creative ideology that aspects of a real story can render an artwork, a story, a film more emotionally authentic, can create greater resonance, can offer a sharper reflection of the world we live in and offer, perhaps, a message or a question that lingers.

All of this has actually kind of been funny timing as I just finished reading Sarah Weinman's The Real Lolita the other day which is a really excellent blend of true crime, literary history and critical commentary on this exact topic. The book explores the real life case of Sally Horner who was kidnapped by a pedophile in 1948 when she was 11 years old and was forced to roadtrip with him around America for two years. It's actually mentioned in passing in Nabokov's Lolita, but once you go a little deeper it's pretty clear how much of Horner and her story Nabokov used to create Dolores Haze / Lolita.

In the book, Weinnman asks the question as to why Lolita gets to be remembered when Sally's been left to obscurity, and of course, the answer is that there are other Sally's in the news cycle, but only one Lolita in art, and that hopefully in her writing Sally Horner's story she can write her back into bookshelves and place her back into this artwork but who knows if that's what Sally would've wanted (Sarah does, at least, talk to Sally's lone surviving family member, and makes a measure to show that it's very unlikely Nabokov ever did the same).

Was Nabokov wrong for not seeking out Sally's family for Lolita? Honestly, I doubt it even would've occured to him to do so, and the fact that we do now ask questions like this about the ethics of inspiration is, I think, a good thing. We should be critical of how stories are told and who is, and isn't, involved in the telling of them, but again, I don't actually think there are right or wrong answers here.

Fiction is always inspired by real people, real events, real life, it's a part of creation, it's a part of capturing a moment in time, it's about reflection and authenticity, but of course that's been rendered more complex in recent years by the fact that we live in a world that's ever shrinking and the people or the events that inspire new stories are inevitably brought into the public narrative in a way they just weren't back in 1955 when Lolita was first published.

So what does that mean for creativity and inspiration? I don't know, but personally I guess my thoughts would be that Vili is absolutely in his rights to be offended by the film, but I also don't think the filmmakers were wrong necessarily to not reach out. It's not the most ethical choice, but I also don't think it was an inherently bad one either. This isn't a Blonde situation where they write fiction and present it as fact, the creatives have been clear about it being inspried by what happened between Mary Kay and Vili, but they're also not saying Vili and Mary Kay are Joe and Gracie.

I appreciate you feeling like it's much of a muchness though given how they've apparently lifted entire scenes of dialogue. It's a murky question after all, and it's certainly one that's more complex when it comes to people like Vili and Sally than it is with the Murdoch's or even David Bowie, but yes, I'm not sure I see it as something inherently wrong, and I don't personally think it was ghoulish. I just think the specifics of this particular case just kind of shows how the sausage is made when it comes to storytelling.

#the ethics of inspiration is genuinely a pretty interesting topic #when i used to work at the writers centre there was this huge scandal about remix poetry #namely poets being inspired and riffing off other poetry #and oh man the DISCOURSE #anyway #sorry this is so long and rambling #i do recommend the real lolita btw #i finished it on the plane the other day and everyone in my row wanted to talk to me about it when they saw the cover lmao #may december #film asks #welcome to my ama #full disclaimer i still haven't seen the movie as it's not out in aus until 1 feb #but i am planning on seeing it

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tenebriskukris · 24 days

Text

Oshi No Ko Chapter 146 - My Thoughts/Analysis

This chapter was mostly setup, but I do think there are a couple of nuggets of wisdom to be gleaned here, so I’ll get right to that. Spoilers for Oshi No Ko Ch146 below.

So we return to the movie filming with Fril as Airi and Aqua as Hikaru. This is an interesting confrontation—especially the part where FrilAiri mentions that Taiki is Hikaru’s child. Whether or not the actual Hikaru knew beforehand that Taiki was his child is up in the air, as well as whether or not this scene even happened in reality are interesting questions that we likely won’t have the answer to unless we get it from Hikaru himself.

The expressions here are just superb, I have to say. And Aqua with black star eyes again…Can’t say I’m surprised, really, since he tends to do this when he gets into highly emotional acting, and while I think his current “default” state is white star eyes, he’s already shown a tendency to activate his dual black star eyes when acting with emotion, as we’ve previously seen in the Tokyo Blade arc.

We cut to another movie scene with Hikaru and Ai. And the fact that it’s labeled misunderstanding is quite a loaded name for the scene in particular. Ai’s answer to Hikaru here…it’s certainly an honest answer, which I think makes his reaction after this scene so…well, perhaps devastated isn’t strong enough a term for it. He knows that she’s being truthful and that makes it all the worse. Having the scene cut away like that without a continuation for Ai following up on her words leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It’s the perfect time to explore these characters, even if it’s only a muddled version of them.

What the—so many scenes passing by without any spotlight??? You’d think they’d show all these scenes—the scene labeled AI’s rejection in particular—but what the hell?

On one hand I understand why—the pacing of this arc is already quite disjointed and choppy so we need to pick up the pace, but with how things have been proceeding—just skipping all these scenes over doesn’t sit right with me. Because by skipping these scenes—unless they show what really happened later down the line—the manga is essentially saying that these scenes don’t matter for the narrative at large, which is a tough pill to swallow considering these scenes might be integral for the reader to get a better insight on Ai and Hikaru’s characters, even if they’re obscured through the movie like this.

Really, it might’ve been better to have the movie filming be done while other arcs were happening at the same time. Productions, as I’ve noted before, often take months for everything to get to a stage where they can actually film—and the filming often takes large gaps of time before everything is slated for editing. You can’t just show parts of a movie production and then tell me that there was nothing narratively relevant in the long stretches of time between takes for the movie. Especially because of the haymakers that were Chapters 123 and 143. We need to get used to the new normal between the protagonists and how they think about their current situation!

The disconnected pacing and implicit time skips are already dragging the arc down. I keep on mentioning it because there’s such an easy fix for this issue. Just expand the arc’s scope as a B-plot within a series of other arcs so that the pacing doesn’t feel so simultaneously bloated and at the same time too fast-paced. Let the characters' circumstances sink in for the readers so that we can explore them better over a longer period of time. But I digress. I’ll have yet more thoughts about this arc’s pacing when it finishes, I’m sure.

Back to the chapter. We see Aqua staring grumpily at the script, two black stars in his eyes. The aftereffects of his emotional acting at work—getting close to Hikaru mentally, or at least his perceived image of Hikaru. It’s worth noting once again that Aqua’s just going off of guesswork—unless those thrice blasted CDs are going to come out of nowhere to joss my theories again. I do wonder how he thinks of Hikaru now, though, after Aqua tried to get into his head with the script and understanding his backstory.

A wild Kana appears! Let’s see where this trainwreck goes.

Oh damn Aqua with his suicidal ideation in front of Kana. That’s really surprising. He’s been open to her before, but he’s very rarely let his true thoughts and feelings become evident for a variety of reasons. Mostly because Kana isn’t really the best person to talk to for these sort of emotional heart-to-heart conversations.

And of course tsunderes are not good therapists. This attempt at supporting Aqua through his issues is so very in-character for her that I just laughed out loud reading it. I’m not sure what anybody expected considering how insensitive Kana is in general. Her heart’s in the right place, but those words were almost certainly not the right ones to use. If this was Aqua of the pre-143, or if he were more mentally ill, then this entire conversation could’ve backfired immensely on her.

Aqua saying that he has fun with Kana when he’s with her is both fitting and hilarious. On one hand, it’s fitting because she has the least baggage compared to the main cast, on the other, it’s hilarious because she doesn’t understand Aqua’s Issues(™) at all. She doesn’t examine Aqua’s problem or take the time to get into any introspection to why Aqua behaved like that in the first place, instead focusing on her delusions of a potential romance with him instead of on Aqua himself. If a friend of mine behaved like that in front of me, I’d be a bit more thoughtful when dealing with any sort of suicidal ideation instead of brushing it off in favor of stewing in her own hopeless delusions.

“It’s like he’s saying that we’re compatible indirectly.” Someone please escort this romcom character off my screen before I lose more braincells watching her. Please, thank you. Her chances at the Aquabowl have already cratered since she lied to Aqua saying that she doesn’t see him as a romantic partner, so stringing this up further is just adding insult to injury. It would almost be kind of sad, but I’ve lost the majority of my sympathy for Kana as a person this far into the series.

We’re cutting to Ruby now. And in a shrine, no less. Wonder if we’re getting into more supernatural setup.

Oh. My. God. Well, well. I was wondering when Hikaru would be showing up, but I didn’t think it would be this direct—he’s obviously been stalking Ruby, since I don’t believe for a second that this meeting was left up to chance. I do also recall that Crow Girl said that she was going to give Ruby some punishment last chapter but I had hoped that she’d thrown that plan away!

IT ENDS LIKE THAT??? AND WITH A BREAK NEXT WEEK???????

Okay—okay. I have Thoughts on this chapter as a whole, both on the Aqua-Kana chip scene and the Ruby-Hikaru scene.

Kana cheering up Aqua with the chips combination is very…I don’t want to say unnecessary, because I understand what the authors were trying to go for. Aqua’s going to need other people in order to help him get out of his rut, a support system to help him deal with the symptoms of his other issues. I just don’t see why this couldn’t have been done with some of the other people in Aqua’s life. Akane, Mem-cho, Taiki, Miyako, hell, even Melt could’ve done almost the same thing that Kana’s doing to raise Aqua’s spirits and get their own thoughts on this whole production.

Kana’s okay for this purpose, I guess, but she’s already had more than enough screentime during the production that could’ve been used for some of our other cast members. They brought back Taiki, Melt, and even Akane for this, so where’s their contribution to the narrative during this arc?

It also bellies another problem I have with this entire scene—Kana is a breath of fresh air from the dreary scenes we’d seen in the chapter before, but it seems like in this scene she’s only being used for the purpose of setting the ambience back to something that more lighthearted when instead the tone of the scene can and should be done otherwise. Is it necessary for this scene to lift up the reader’s spirits after the first few scenes of the movie filming? No, especially with the ending of the chapter leaving us off on a cliffhanger. It breaks the tone that was presented to us at the start of the chapter and leaves this conversation looking out of place considering how serious the topics were at first. It’s as if the manga itself isn’t confident enough with its tone that it has to lighten up the reader’s spirits through Kana.

I also think it’s of some note that I don’t think this conversation “saved” Aqua in any capacity. Kana shook Aqua out of his funk while he was feeling the residual emotions of emotional acting. If this was Aqua pre-143 I doubt we’d be seeing his white star eyes return to him in this conversation, especially since we’d already seen Aqua and Kana interact with pre-143 with black star eyes, and nowhere in their numerous conversations did Aqua regain his white star eyes.

The scene with Ruby and Hikaru though…I’d been wondering when he’d be showing up in this arc, but this was a big surprise. I’d expected that he’d be showing up close to the end of the movie production, but having him appear here also leaves the door open for more of his interference with the movie filming.

I will say that unless he has a good reason for it, approaching Ruby like this is almost certainly a bad move. He’s already cottoned onto the fact that Aqua’s making the movie for revenge, and it’s not a leap to assume that he’s gotten Ruby on board with his plans in the first place. It’d be safer to assume that both of the twins know what Hikaru look like, so him approaching Ruby out in the open is showing his hand too soon. There has to be a reason for that other than whim.

I don’t think he wants to kill Ruby or Aqua. Even if he did, he wouldn’t be killing Ruby here. Of his two murders(and I’ll put a pin in the fact that whether or not he killed Ai is still up in the air) he’s always either proxies or used indirect means to kill his victims. Being face to face with Ruby here, like this, doesn’t fit his modus operandi. It’d be too messy to kill her with his DNA all over the scene, in an area where there could be witnesses.

He already has access to both the script and information about the movie thanks to Kaburagi, and so he has all the ammunition he needs to shut down the production if necessary. Letting the movie continue on like this—even if it doesn’t have his name on it—is risky enough that it’d be better to err on the side of caution. So that leads me to think that he either can’t get it shut down, which is doubtful when he’s allied with Kaburagi in some manner, or he wants the production to continue, which already casts doubt on his motives in general.

The fact of the matter is that there’s so much we don’t know about Hikaru and his motives for much of anything. His appearance in Ch109 with him killing Yura feels to me both a red herring and an intentional misdirect. We’ve already seen characters say one thing and think and or act contrary to their words, so it wouldn’t be out of place. We think we know him through the movie script, but that movie was both supposed to be about Ai, and also made for the purpose of Aqua’s revenge scheme. Aqua thinks he has a grasp on Hikaru’s character, but we’d already seen him be wrong about Hikaru once, when Aqua thought he was dead, and unless he has some sort of special insight through those blasted DVDs, we’re once again left mostly in the dark regarding his true character.

But now that he’s actually shown up in front of our main cast, we might get some answers to the questions that have been plaguing us from the start of the series. I desperately need to know why he’s interested in Ruby and not as much towards Aqua. The obvious answer is because Ruby is paralleling Ai, and Aqua’s paralleling Hikaru himself, but that feels much too easy on my part. Either way, with the cliffhanger, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get to delve into his character a lot more during the next chapter.

#oshi no ko #onk #oshi no ko analysis #my analysis #onk spoilers #onk 146 #hope i'm not late to next week's chapter!

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xaharadesert · 10 months

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Greetings! I'm rereading your headcanons for the Arcana, and they're all very well-written and interesting. I wonder, do you have any ideas about how MC and Asra grew close and started a romantic relationship before the plague? No pressure if you don't feel like answering.

Hello!! I’m so glad you enjoy my headcanons :) even if I don’t write as much as I used to, I’m proud of my work. Based on your message, I wasn’t sure if you were asking for headcanons or just my thoughts, so I’m going with the latter, but feel free to submit another request if it was actually the first one!

So, as usual, I’m gonna add a little disclaimer stating that I haven’t played the game in a very long time, and can’t really remember what’s canon vs fanon, so forgive me if I say something that’s just blatantly wrong. Also, I’m referring to Asra using he/him just to differentiate them from the MC, who I’m referring to with they/them, and I am aware that Asra uses he/they.

Anyway, the game itself gives us very little to work with in terms of MC’s backstory with Asra (obviously so people can fill it in how they please), but I do believe that it’s canon that the shop used to belong to MC’s aunt?

In my mind, I always imagined that MC’s aunt was a semi-well-known magic user, and MC left their home to study with her and learn magic and such. They probably worked at the shop as well, since they lived there and it would be a bit rude not to help out.

Now, this is where I’m essentially just making things up: I believe that Asra and MC bumped into each other a lot without ever really having a proper introduction in the first few months. I’m not sure if there’s any indication about what Asra was doing after his parents disappeared, but I’m like 90% certain he was just homeless and making money by running errands or doing tricks/small spells/tarot readings for people. So, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that they casually saw each other around when MC was exploring or running errands for their aunt.

When it comes to a proper introduction, my mind is split between a cliché meet-cute where they literally run into each other, a curious MC seeking out Asra because they think he’s mysterious and therefore must find answers, or MC’s aunt hiring Asra as part-time help. Either way, it definitely starts as a casual friendship between two magic users who feel a little out of place, with Asra absolutely working at or spending a lot of time at the shop.

Over time, I think the two would naturally grow closer as they harness their magical abilities together. Asra has found a place that feels like home, and MC has found their first close friend in a new country. I think it would be a little co-dependent from the start, given Asra’s unfortunate circumstances, and MC becoming the owner of their aunt’s shop (it’s never confirmed, but personally I believe that the aunt died and left a young mc to take over).

At some point, after the aunt was gone, Asra would move into the shop (it’s practical, even if it’s only platonic, since he works there and MC is probably a little lonely), and while things might not be completely romantic, feelings are probably developing. I always imagined MC and Asra to be around the same age, so they’re probably young adults at this point, and still figuring things out, but they know that they want to be together in some way.

I don’t think there’s a clear line that can be drawn between “before” they loved each other romantically and “after”. Like, yeah, there’s a first kiss, but it doesn’t feel like a giant momentous moment, it’s just a casual action that feels completely natural. Neither of them probably even process it as the first time, and wouldn’t remember it later, because it just fits. And if you’re thinking about the first “I love you”, then I hate to disappoint, but I believe they always said it platonically, so neither really registers when it becomes romantic.

At least in my opinion, Asra and MC are the ultimate best friends to lovers, and it happens like a frog in a boiling pot of water. They don’t even realize that they’re in a committed relationship until MC dies and Asra finds them back at square one. Then he’s like “oh fuck how do I recreate 6 years when I don’t even know how it happened?” Falling in love and being with each other every day was as natural to them as breathing, and having that relationship stripped away suddenly must have felt like being dropped into ice water.

Anyway, those are my basic thoughts! Not very detailed, because, really, there is no canon backstory! This isn’t even what I use for my OC MC, it’s just the vibes I picked up when I first played through :) let me know what you think, and what you would change! Also please let me know if there are any mistakes, because I typed this all out on my phone at 1am and just kinda rambled without thinking

#the arcana #arcana #the arcana headcanon #the arcana hc #asra alnazar #Asra x mc #Asra alnazar x mc #the arcana asra #Asra arcana

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juniperhillpatient · 11 months

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here’s where I just keep running into a brick wall in my Yellowjackets analysis. Jackie is a saint. she’s preserved forever in her high school glory - Shauna even says directly to Jackie that high school is the best her life will ever get. It’s the last thing she ever says to her. Jackie is preserved as a martyr & that’s not just relevant but integral to the show. Shauna loves the saints because they’re so tragic, & Jackie becomes a tragic saint.

Javi is much the same. He died an innocent child, naively trying to protect a friend in a brutal world. His memory will always be… pure. He’s the first to die in this new regime, with actual, intact cannibalistic rituals that they choose to enact (as opposed to the accidental brutality that was Jackie’s cannibalization.) Travis is a bit different, in terms of characters whose deaths drive the story. He is a love interest first & foremost. His role, narratively, serves Natalie. That’s not a critique, just a comment. When he consumes Javi’s heart, he is giving in to the new regime. He becomes the cannibal princess while Natalie is the queen - literally, she drew the queen card. This is just what’s happening.

but like… ok. Travis can’t even be held accountable any further. His actions in season 3 will surely be to serve Natalie. so, ultimately, he’s still a tragic figure. essentially, he’s Natalie’s dead wife.

but I guess where I run into the issue is… Natalie’s curse has ALWAYS been to LIVE. she & Jackie are the same character in different fonts. re-watching I’m more behind that theoretical approach than ever. they are both the only two to oppose the cannibalism & rape in “doomcoming.” & it’s extremely relevant that Natalie, Travis, & Javi are all missing when Jackie is locked out. like. that is very important to remember.

season 2 persistently shows Natalie being saved against her will as deliberate parallels. Travis saves her when he tries to dive into the icy water after the moose. & Misty saving Natalie when she tries to save Javi is, if you ask me, one of THEE most important & definitive moments of the entire show if not THE most important next to Shauna telling Jackie to leave the cabin.

so like…. what it comes down to is that I guess Natalie dying makes sense narratively in the moment. but how… how will they move forward? She is the cannibal queen now. How the fuck will that work with the adult timeline with no Juliet Lewis? How will that work with the theme that Natalie’s curse is to live with what she’s done & been part of while Jackie’s is to die a saint? To me it feels like the writers forgot what they were doing. They’ve taken a perfectly good character foil & killed her off in a boring & contrived writing mistake is what they’ve done

#natalie scatorccio #jackie taylor #yellowjackets review #yellowjackets rewatch #sorry if this makes no sense #it does in my head 😭😭

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zuppizup · 2 months

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Hiiii I just finished the first two chapters of Fuel the Pyre! I'm super excited for it, it's very well done!

I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions about your writing process. How do you outline? What kinds of things need to be in an outline in order for you to visualize the story? Do you outline the entire story, one chapter, or just one scene at a time?

Thank you for your time!

Hello! Thanks so much for your kind words! I’m so happy you’re liking the fic so far.

This is a super fun ask. Not sure how coherent or helpful my response will be, but I’ll give it a try. 😆

So, stories like Purgatory, Fuel the Pyre or my WIP dark magic AU, always start out as a bunch of questions.

What if Ezran hadn’t interrupted Callum and Rayla in Viren’s study…

Could a human/elf halfling do primal magic? Can all of them or just a few? What would control that?

What would the world be like if dark magic actually was controlled and regulated.

I usually don’t start out planning a fic when I ponder questions like this, it’s usually just my mind wandering. For me, while I love big, wonderful, imaginative worlds (like the world of The Dragon Prince) what I’m really more interested in is how these things affect individuals. I actually tend to visualise the story before I outline. In fact, I often visualise far beyond where I think I’ll finish the story. (I say where I think I’ll finish because both my current long fics are now firmly in the “after the end of the planned fic” territory)

So, in Fuel the Pyre, for example, I imagine there’s a lot of unknowns for the people involved. Halflings would be pretty new on the scene, all things considered, so the characters themselves wouldn’t have the answer to these questions, which felt like a great excuse to add tension and drama.

Once an idea has got me and I can imagine how that conflict is going to affect the characters, the general outline tends to sort of write itself. I am a planner, so I by the time I start putting pen to paper (so to speak), I’ll usually have a beginning, a rough middle and an end. There will be plot points, tangents, twists and sometimes side stories that I haven’t figured out, but I’ll have a plan for the general flow of the story.

From there, I’ll come up with a pretty messy draft. So, I just sort of go wild in a document. Usually, when I’ve decided I want to write a longer fic, it’s because certain scenes just play on repeat in my head, so I’ll indulge myself and write those out. Then I’ll go back and make rough chapter/arc notes, which usually leads into some other fun scenes I get inspired to write, and slowly, piece by piece, I sort of string the fic together like that.

I used to outline more linearly, starting at the first chapter and working from there, but I found I’d get stuck on transition scenes (the bane of my writing life) and then avoid the fic. (If I put my fingers in my ears and sing very loudly, the transition scene can’t hurt me). I find letting myself write the scenes I’m excited for makes me much more productive. They usually give me ideas for other fun (I use the term loosely, I generally mean “angsty”) scenes and I essentially build my story like that. I do like adding foreshadowing and twists, which is made a lot easier by writing like this too.

In Purgatory, for example, I tried to drop a lot of subtle hints about Callum and his slowly building arcanum connection. It’s so fun when people pick up on that stuff, but I also don’t want it to look like I just pulled a twist or a revelation out of my rear. Nowadays, I do prefer to write the bulk of a story before posting, which this method obviously works better for.

Often, when I start a fic, the beginning and the ending are the most defined parts of the story and the middle is the area that requires the most work, but by stringing the various elements together, I sort of “discover” new conflicts and fun elements to explore, which (hopefully) makes for a richer, more entertaining story.

So, not sure if that was what you’re looking for, but if you could describe the stream of consciousness that is how I write, a process, this is mine. 😅

#anon asks #thanks for the ask!#writing

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azrielgreen · 1 year

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I just came from your tik tok about ao3 etiquette and enjoyed your commentary about kink shaming and rating systems and why it’s not a good thing for fandom. How it drives creators away or forces them to delete work because they don’t want to be judged and witch hunted… Thank you for using your platform to bring attention to those matters. 💚

I was wondering what your take is on another fandom matter: comments people leave that sort of perpetuate a fandom hierarchy and dig at other writers to lift other writers up. Like “this creator carries the fandom on their back” or “you’ve ruined me for all other writers”. Stuff like that. I’ve seen it across multiple fandoms and always felt a little stung by it because what it says to me is that everybody’s work in fandom as a collective isn’t appreciated. I feel comments like those turn fandom into a popularity contest where select writers are skyrocketed to fame and small time creators are drowned out. I’m not sure if that’s just me taking it personally, or if those comments are actually rude.

Obviously I’m not unaware that you’re popular and rightfully so. I’m not trying to come off as bitter, or guilt trip you for your success. I apologize for my question if it seems this way. I tried to word it carefully, but I’m not sure if i communicated my thoughts accurately.

I know you’ve been part of smaller fandoms/ships before and often orphan your work, etc. because you write for yourself, and you never expected to blow up. So I guess I’m just curious to know your perspective since you know both sides of being smalltime and being famous, and if your standing in the Steddie fandom has changed anything for you or given you a new outlook. If it’s a lot of pressure to be so looked up to. If you ever miss being more of an unknown creator so it could give you more freedom. If it ever makes you feel uncomfortable to be popular.

Thank you in advance if you respond to this. I know it’s an odd message. 💚💚

Hi, firstly thank for you this question. It's a really important one actually and being mindful of the fandom in which we share space/interact with one another is, in my opinion, essential.

So, looking at your question - the elevation of one author above others in terms of praise - it's definitely not ideal language being used in the examples you gave and there is always, I think, a way we can express ourselves with total authenticity and honesty, but also not stepping on people. Now, this is not saying that anyone who comments things like that IS stepping on anyone and I have to be clear that 99.9% of all my positive fandom interactions here have been expressed beautifully.

However, our language can always be shifted to something more inclusive. Because ultimately, this fandom is MASSIVE and there are a stunning amount of beautiful, meaningful works that due to its size don't get anywhere near the recognition by comparison that they deserve. No single creator carries anything on their backs, a fandom is a community and it should be a mutually beneficial/supportive one.

In terms of a popularity content, I think that happens in all large fandom spaces to a certain degree. This phenomenon has both positives and negatives, but overall, I try to stay out of the "contest" as much as possible. Cliques are deeply unappealing to me and having been bullied out of several fandoms in the past, I can confidently say I would never want to be in one. I have good friends, writers and readers alike, in this fandom and I dare believe that no one I am close friends with would ever treat people poorly.

In terms of my own experience, I do still regularly orphan works. Orphaning my work keeps me humble to a degree and I love creating just for sake of it, with no audience in mind. I personally don't feel any pressure to be looked up to as I will always write for myself, even on main, and if people don't like it, there are 16k other fics out there to read (and counting). It does make a little uncomfortable to be considered popular, or well known more accurately. It's strange to scroll Twitter (something I rarely do these days) and see my name and my fic being very casually discussed. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I miss feeling invisible, that's true, but it'll never stop me from writing what I want and whoever enjoys it along the way, that's a wonderful added bonus.

In terms of "fandom heirarchy" - a strange system that mostly operates on word of mouth, sometimes the hits/kudos numbers on AO3 - I think it's important to remember that a lot of the reason behind this structure is that some of us were the first people writing Steddie back in June 2022 and so those numbers/familiarity are naturally inflated due to legacy. I definitely always try to keep that in mind and I will gas ANYONE up whose work I love, always, while trying to pay tribute to all authors and creators in this space however I can.

I have to say I do dislike the elevation of one author above others on general principal and I see people getting competitive, hostile and even sometimes resorting to bullying. The SteddieBigBang Discord server disaster (which I heard about from my friend) is a solid example of that and an excellent reminder of why I value my space and autonomy so dearly.

Operating in this fandom has absolutely opened my eyes to the pitfalls of such mainstream interaction but it's also allowed me to reach such a wide audience of people who've shared with me their own experiences, which I treasure. I've healed a lot of my own personal trauma in writing what I have and I'm incredibly grateful to have a place here. I will always advocate to elevate all authors within the fandom because everyone's work is important, beautiful and essential. I will always defend everyone's right to consume and create whatever they want in a safe, encouraging space.

I make new discoveries every day based off my own searches for content and gently advise others to do the same, rather than only ever relying on rec lists and "algorithm" style suggestions. If I published You're Divine today, out of nowhere, I doubt it would find any traction beyond the few people (like me) who tag-search for the very specific things they like.

Thank you for this question and for taking the time to relate your thoughts so the way you did. I appreciate you. 💜💜💜

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