#i dont like having height dysphoria :( | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keirawantstocry · 2 months

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poly morning crew but tubbo is insecure about his height and fitpac are trying to help him be less insecure about it :)

this got so incredibly off track i literally see one word and run with things swear down

hiii, um I kinda took this and ran with it? I will upfront say I am not a trans man but i am trans so i drew on my own personal experience to write this and dont mean to write anything… incorrect or anything of the sort <3 and if anyone reads this and i have accidently ending up portraying something incorrectly pls tell me immediately so i can rewrite

Most days Tubbo was fine with being trans. It was just part of who he was, like his brown hair or any of his birthmarks. Other days it bugged him. How much shorter he was compared to some of the other guys. How soft his body was. But he was fine. He wouldn't fucking talk to somebody about it, wasn't that big of a deal anyway. Nobody even noticed when he had his off days, Phil was focused on a thousand other things and the annoying voice of his husband in his head just prattled on and on about dumb shit before disappearing.

He was working out when it hit him. A wave of dysphoria so strong he physically bent over and closed his eyes. Mentally he swore. Horrible timing. Pac was supposed to be over in less than à few minutes and he could barely stand without seeing himself and feeling sick.

Speak of the devil, he thought as the doorbell rang and Pac's animated voice slid it's way through the house. “Tubboooo.”

Tubbo groaned but he had no choice. Laying down the weights he had been using, he headed over to the door to let Pac inside.

“Hey, Pac.” The man looked fucking gorgeous as per usual. It would sour Tubbo's mood if he wasn't so attracted to him. His infectious smile spread to Tubbo's face as they embraced. “It's good to see you, man.”

It was easy at first, hiding the nasty self hatred boiling in his gut. Unfortunately Pac was incredibly more attuned to his feelings then either Phil or Tommy. “What's wrong?” he asked as they sat down on the couch together.

“Nothing,” Tubbo blustered, avoiding his eyes.

“Tubbo,” he said in an uncharacteristic stern voice. It softened again as he gently took Tubbo's face in his hands and turned his head to look at him. “What's wrong, meu bem?”

With a long sigh, Tubbo accepted his fate. “I just feel like shit about myself today.”

Pac's head tilted in curiosity. “Why?”

“Honestly, I'm not sure what triggered it.”

“But what do you feel shit about?” Pac took a second to look around, trying to find his words, his warm hands still against his cheeks. “What about yourself?”

Tubbo laughed lightly, trying to shove down the churning in his stomach. “My body. I just wish… I wish I was born a guy.” Bile rose in his throat as he tried to choke down the shame. He hated being vulnerable especially with someone that he cared so much about. He met his eyes trying to gauge his reaction. The expression he was met with was one of pure confusion.

“I'm sorry I don't understand.”

“I'm trans," he said as bluntly as he could.

Pac just blinked at him slowly as if trying to comprehend the words coming out of his mouth. “That doesn't make you any less of a man.”

“Easy for you to say that,” Tubbo scoffed.

Unexpectedly Pac laughed as if it was one of the funniest things he had heard all day. “You do know I'm trans right?”

Tubbo stared at him as he felt his brain short circuit. “What? No, I didn't fucking know that what the fuck.” Surprised laughter was bubbling its way out of his chest before he could stop it. The shame was dissipating at the speed of light because here was one of the prettiest, most attractive men he’d ever known and he was just like him.

He laughed again before bringing his hands up to grab Pac’s face and kiss him firmly on the lips. Pac giggled into his mouth before kissing him back, sliding his hands into Tubbo’s hair. The kisses were sloppy, more shared laughter and wet open mouths than anything. But it felt so good, so right.

They finally stopped kissing and Tubbo realized that somehow they had ended up laying back on top of each other on the couch. “How did I not know you were trans?” he said, still in awe.

Pac laughed, light and airy. “You hate me and don’t pay attention to me.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Then for good measure he kissed him again to truly shut him up. Warmth had replaced the feeling in his gut and was now spreading through his entire body. For the first time he felt good about it; not bad, not neutral but good.

#qsmp #my writing #fanfiction #q!tubbo #q!pac #pacbo #TRANS TUBBO AGENDA #everyone is trans in my mind #so hey if someone wants to see a part two with fit telling tubbo that hes also trans then i meannnn

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dowotdashdotdot · 8 months

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New Dysphoria Unlocked!

i dont have bottom hands iwi

i need tiny hands why do i have fuckinf. chonkers

first the height now the hands brooooo

i- i thought i was safe from dysphoria cause i had any the first few mobths… and even worse im stuck on a plane with only my phone for several more hours so i cant like. do anything that helps me feel better or like really comfort myself shittt i am this close to crying oh goddd

m-my past is catching up with me and im trapped oh fuck what do i do

im nearly hyperventilating shit oh god oh god

ihatethisihatethisihatethiswhymewhymewhymefuckmefuckfu kfuckffffuckohgodddddd

#shittt #fuckfuck #breathe #we’re gonna be okay yeah #i feel like madeleine celeste rn

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system-of-a-feather · 3 months

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Okay so I've been so caught up in Making Things Happen and Making Things Work that I havent really had the time to sit and think about the positives about getting top surgery other than the list we made way back when we decided it

But a few days ago Li was near the front having been probably brought up from semi-dormancy and was really pleased to hear about it and was briefly talking about how nice itll be to be able to go back to presenting more fem because we will basically pass as a short man (we dont have height dysphoria) for the most part once are chest is handled.

And I really forgot about like... actually all the joy of getting top surgery in favor of just having that cold task-orientated mode approach to it since its a good mode to make sure we get what we want when we decide we are going to get it

And man like, bottom surgery is still on the table for consideration and we need to legally change our name/gender and maybe tone a little more but after top surgery?? We have no large procedures of our transitioning left to check off at least until we progress with CSA recovery enough we feel comfortable with our vision and relationship with our sexuality and thats such a W

#alter: riku #trans #transgender #nonbinary #alter: li #alter: fei

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dead-rat-time · 7 days

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intro/stats

hey guys, just decided to start logging my progress/vent on tumblr idk, i prolly won't post that often since i usually only reblog stuff

this is a vent acc abt self harm, ed, gender dysphoria and all that so don't look thru this unless thats what u wanna see! This is a personal acc and my safe space so block don't report pls

im pro recovery, im just not recovering so if u are u might not want to look at this acc. Im also not pro ana, but fair warning you might see me reblog some pro shit or reblog meanspo!! Its just for me tho, but dont follow if that content could trigger you!

stats:

height: 5'2 ish / 157 cm sw: 137 lbs / 62 kg lw: 113 lbs (AAA this is what i weighed last year(freshman) in cross country 😭 howww i literally ate like shit back then) cw (as of 4/22/24): 122 lbs / 55 kg ugw: 100 lbs / 45 kg

i usually OMAD, i would fast for longer but my parents have everyone eat dinner together so i can't skip it :( On weekends i have to eat both lunch and dinner too so i just eat as little as i can get away with

#trans ed #boy ana #tw ed but not sheeran #ana male #i need to be weightless #light as a feather #ftm ed #tw ed sheeran #@nor3xia

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bonesandallbutnotcanabalism · 10 days

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Tw: mentions of disordered eating and eating disorders

Intro ~

Name: AJ

Age: 16

Likes: books, david bowie, the cure, cats, english, social sciences

Dislikes: politics, math, science, most modern pop, most dogs

Fun facts:

-I'm chronically ill, disabled, and autistic

-I have very bad vision in one eye, and mildly bad vision in the other

-I was born with my intestines outside of my body, hence the chronic illness and disability mentioned above

I wanted to post a 30 day thinspo challenge, however I forget about these kind of things very quickly. Instead I wrote all the answers today, and it might defeat the purpose, but it's really just a way to share about myself so I dont particularly care.

1: 170cm, 53kg (about 117lbs)

2: 170cm, or 5'7. Not really, I wish I were taller, especially because my dad is 6'4

3: This is one of my favorites because I enjoy how the person looks delicate but masculine at the same time. I have a whole folder of downloads that I saved for instances when I don't have wifi or cell service

4: my bigest fear about losing is my parents noiceing and making me stop.

5: Im doing it for me. I don't have dysmorphia, but rather dysphoria surrpunding my perceived femeninity and I know losing would alleviate most

6: I do binge. I have the self control of an over zealous toddler, and I used to be able to eat upwards of 3000 calories and still lose weight.

7: my parents don't know, and they'd put a stop to it if they did know. I'm already thin, so... they'd freak out

8: I boulder 1-3 times a week, lift weights, etc, not much cardio because I'm chronically ill already

9: People didn't ever make negative comments about my weight. It was always praising me for my thinness when I was just incredibly ill & suffering from internal bleeding

10: I haven't really given up anything.

11: I don't have a favorite blog, but my favorite tags are #thinspiration and #malespo because the former always has really good bonespo and sickspo (better than the posts under those tags) and the ladder because it feels more realistic

12: I try to eat as many vegetables as I can get, and I'm vegetarian-trying-to-be-vegan, so I don't get much protein. Whenever I binge it's all carbs.

13: I'm losing in an unhealthy way, mostly because of the fact that I don't 'need' to lose weight, but also because I purge often

14: My ugw is about 40kg (88lbs). I want to reach it by the end of august/beginning of spetember. I only have to lose 13kg, which sounds like a small number, but it's quite a bit in practice. Approx 30lbs.

15: I am Vegetarian, but I'd like to be vegan. However, I have several health conditions that require me to eat excess fats, and I prefer to do that in the form of dairy rather than non-animal fats.

16: When I was 12, my health teacher had us do a project on eating disorders. I had recently gone from 137cm and 23kg to 153cm and 36kg, and I was perpetually bloated due to my medical condition. After the project, I mysteriously went up to 45kg in 2 weeks, and that is when I decided to lose weight.

17: I am hesitant to call it an eating disorder, but I definitely engage in severely disordered eating habits.

18: Potatoes are my weakness. I've always loved potatoes of any kind, and they have been my downfall.

19: I think 2 or three weeks ago, when I got Culver's for myself and my family after bouldering and weight-lifting.

20: I don't have a favorite ana-specific diet, as counting calories sends me into spirals of bingeing, however I try to eat as low-carb and low-sugar as possible, which I can do freely because it is beneficial to my medical condition.

21: I wear a 66-71cm waistband, and a small/medium in most shirts. I typically wear button downs and courdoroy slacks though.

22: My lowest weight after my disordered eating started was about 40kg I beleive. Some of my weight gain has been due to puberty and height increase, but my medical issues have also gotten better, making it easier for me to gain weight with my past eating habits.

23: The media didn't play a role in my urge to lose weight. I only got a phone when I was 14, and any social media was I was 15, but my goal of weight loss began before that. I also didn't watch much television or movies.

24: I feel the terms pro-ana and pro-mia typically refer to the journey and the inter-community support, rather than actually advocating for people to develop the disorder.

25: I purge often. The first time I tried, I tried all of the tricks in the book other than sticking my fingers down my throat. It turns out I have a very low gag reflex, and I was unsuccessful. A while later, I used my fingers and was successful. Now I am less so, because my gag reflex is further developed. I can touch the valve that closes your throat without gagging.

26: The thing that excites me most about reaching my ugw is that I will no longer feel like shit when I eat, or sit, or stand, or do anything at all.

27: How do I deal with being around food? I don't. I just try to avoid it as much as possible because, again, I have the self control of an overzealous toddler.

28: Yes, I would love a gap between my legs. I hate the feeling of my thighs touching, not just because of the body issues, but because I have severe sensory issues

29: I don't have a definition of beauty. I think the whole point is that beauty is subjective and differs from person to person. What I find beautiful for myself may not be what I find beautiful in others, and what I find beautiful in others differs from person to person

30: my stats are the same, because I did this all in one day instead of eating lunch (or using my lunch break to do classwork)

#thinspiration #proana #promia #only pro for tags #only pro for myself #bonespo #disordered eating mention #tw ana bløg #tw mia

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harvxey · 10 days

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tips that helped me pass

as a pre-T boy going thru puberty, i have been FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE with all these changes happening to my body, thankfully tumblr and pinterest have been my moral support, SO heres some things that helped my gender dysphoria and helped me pass!!

1) for chest binding, i cut holes in leggings from the crotch to stick my head in, and then cut the legs of the leggings off

(thanks pinterest)

i usually double them and always take breaks!! usually in the school bathroom during lunch.

2) layer your clothes!!

thankfully layering and emo, alternative fashion is really popular with other kids my age so most of the time both the girls and boys around me dress the same, my go to is 2-3 shirts (binder not included) and a sweater just incase my dysphoria starts acting up in public

(its always cold where i am & i run cold, im ok!!)

3) shorts and baggy pants!!!!1!1!1!

most of my clothes are hand me downs from my older brother (we are the same height) so the majority of my clothes are men clothes, but whenever i do go shopping i always sneak some masc pants, my dad doesn’t really care so i try to do most of my shopping with him anyway.

4) voice (training??)

i hum looking straight forward first and then look down until my chin touches my chest (it’ll lower the hum automatically) and keep that tone looking back up and try speaking like that with small tweaks to make myself comfortable, i’ve been doing this for a while so i’ve found a pretty good middle ground.

5) platforms.

i <3 my platforms, vans and sketchers are my best friends they make me taller and kind of force me to be more confident in my strides because i have to put more effort in walking and running so i dont trip!!

6) hair1!1!

im black so my hair doesnt grow very long because of shrinkage, so usually ill go out in my afro or ill go out in twists (that reach my collarbone) and long hair for dudes with curly hair has been IN recently where im from. (honestly pretty boys in general tbh) but i keep my hair in ponys often / man buns and it helps with my dysphoria and passing :33

7) exercise!!

doing push-ups, neck exercises, and hand/ arm exercises really helped my body and got rid of most my curves/feminine features, and recently i’ve taken up guitar playing simply to have more masc looking hands lol :,D

8) dysphoria at home :((

the second i get home i immediately switch into the biggest sweatshirt/sweater i own and baggy sweatpants too, and if its real bad ill carry my blanket covering my body so i don’t nt look at it, taking showers i turn the lights off and sing along to music to distract myself from looking at my body.

8) food

there are estrogen decreasing and testosterone increasing foods out there!!

(foods: mushrooms, spinach, pumpkin seeds, broccoli, organic bacon, coffee, kale, chocolate, salmon, onion, raw honey, pomegranate, cabbage, green tea, whole grains)

sorry i don’t really have any tips for your face, i have a naturally masculine face and a visible adams apple, (thanks dad!!!) and a lot of body hair (thanks mom!!!) but doing these helped me pass so well, it even made my friends refer to me as he/him sometimes :3 (I’m out as lesbian irl bc my enviroment isn’t rlly accepting of the trans community)

sleepy me verified, have fun passing!! baiii 🌚

#transmasc #transgender #trans passing #tips #transisbeautiful #chest binding

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corvidinthewoods · 1 year

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a new philosophy tube video came out and i have a lot of thoughts. i left this all as a comment on youtube, but i figured i might get better discussion elsewhere so im posting it here too. i put it under a readmore cause its kinda long and i dont want it to clog up ppl's dash, especially if discussion turns into a reblog chain (which would be nice!!!)

specifically this is thinking about what she said regarding gender dysphoria and pathologization and stuff

i started hrt in february 2020, so before any changes could be easily seen the world went into lockdown. i also got top surgery in april 2021, less isolated but still not especially opened back up yet

i don’t see my extended family very often just due to geography, so with covid it became even less frequent. the first time i spent time with some of my aunts after starting T, I think was thanksgiving or christmas 2021. So, at that point a lot of changes had happened and I imagine for my extended family it was much more sudden than for my immediate family and friends. That probably contributed to why gender and transition came up in conversation.

One of my aunts is fairly tall for a cis women, and she wondered why people choose transition over a different way of being their agab. she shared a memory of hers from growing up, how she felt like she wasn’t Correctly Female because of her height. But at one point she joined a tall womens social group, and was actually only just over the minimum height requirement. There, she was actually shorter than most of the other women and it helped her feel better in her own womanhood.

That’s a very nutshell retelling of it, but her full explanation sounded to me just like gender dysphoria, based on both my own experience and on what i’ve read of the experiences of others. It wasn’t the point of her question so I didnt bring it up, but it did (and obviously still has) stuck with me

Later, I went into a trans-focused discord community and asked others whether they thought cis people could feel dysphoria. The consensus from answers i received was ‘no’, and that surprised me.

For a while now I’ve also been feeling that the line between ‘cisgender’ and ‘transgender’ is a false binary, just like with the male/female binary.

I’ve recently been going back to Contrapoints videos, and in one of them she talks a bit about how her conception of gender and transness has changed, particularly with regards to trying to categorize it. She said her current mindset was that some things about human existence are just irrational, and will always defy attempts to group them. So rather than endlessly try and make them make sense, it’s better to just accept them.

I feel like this could apply to gender dysphoria, if we approach it in the more linguistic sense like when Abby Thorn used the word to summarize her feelings when someone asked “how are you”. Sometimes when a person is feeling dysphoric, the solution is adjusting her view on tall womanhood. Sometimes the solution is taking bioidentical hormone therapy. Sometimes it’s hormone replacement therapy, sometime’s its surgeries to change sex characteristics like breasts or genitals. Sometimes it’s just a feeling that we have to cope with and eventually let pass, like nervousness or sadness. There’s no way to systematically decide ahead of time what the outcome of ‘feeling dysphoric’ should be, and when you try to make that system you can end up with the clusterfuck going on in the uk.

#crow.txt #trans #transgender #philosophy tube #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #discussion #transition #cisgender #pathologization #uhhh what other tags could i use to find ppl to talk to #actually this might be eno0ugh i think tumblr only uses the first several anyway

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bi-leth-eisner · 1 year

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Ik you dont like fem byleth but dya have any opinion on fem shez?

i think she’s cute! although i heavily prefer masc Shez, fem Shez is alright. one of my problems with fem Byleth is how fucking short she is compared to masc Byleth and the rest of the cast, and a lot of my dysphoria comes from my lack of height. fem Shez is cool for being as tall as her masc counterpart! ’cause like, the thing is it’s always so jarring switching between masc and fem Byleth. it doesn’t feel that way at all switching between the Shez’s. i also don’t have a problem with her English voice, unlike with fem Byleth. her outfit is also leagues above the clothing equivalent to a piece of literal shit that is fem By’s “merc” outfit (though to be fair, that bar isn’t high at all). i like both masc and fem Shez! not equally, but still!

#asks

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its-a-hil · 1 year

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k time for our regularly scheduled sleepy oversharing time (answering all the questions from this ask game)

(1) Do you have freckles? nope ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(2) Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? sometimes i drink tea if im sick or chai socially but thats basically it. chocolate is the closest thing i have to a regular stimulant

(3) What was the last song you listened to? this lagtrain edit idk i really like just. semi-chaotic noise that sounds out of place and a bit incongruent. probably why i like pokeloid

(4) Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? diagonalish but mostly on my side. i alternate sides though in fact i used to sleep on my stomach until i read a newspaper article that said a plurality of ppl sleep on their side and then i got scared and completely changed the way i sleep in like 6th grade in case you somehow needed more evidence im autistic

(5) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? blåhaj!! !!! !!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her need to clean her though also i stream with my hello kitty velvet and i think that's kinda relevant

(6) Do you prefer drawing or writing? i like both but i am so so so much less bad at writing so that's more fulfilling i need to do both a lot more though ive been procrastinating a lot of tales of luminaria writing and art that i feel a compulsive need to make since the game was shuttered

(7) What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? currently i sleep with blanket/comforter/blanket but i am still so so cold so i either need another blanket or one of them to be heated

(8) What’s your favorite band/artist? i mean there are a bunch that are all kinda at the same tier but i think inabakumori is at the top their vocaloids are just so. emotions

(9) When is your birthday? not gonna answer this but if you wanna check my bio every day for the next year until you see it flip to 23 i guess thats a thing you can do

(10) How tall are you? 178 cm (5'10") aka too tall please someone let me give you my height i dont fucking want it except in rock climbing it's useful for that but other than that the dysphoria is just not worth it hate hate hate

(11) What color are your eyes? brown, a bit darker than my skin but ive been complimented on my eyes by strangers more than like any part of my appearance combined so i am always confused like. theyre just my eyes! theyre pretty but only in the way that ppl eyes generally are idgi

(12) Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? i dont really want to hug anyone tbh like id be happy to hug a friend if they needed it but im just not feeling touch atm

(13) Fears? that samsara isnt real enough for me to defer all the experiences i dont want to miss out on to a different life also climate change also being at parties where im not super close with most of the people

(14) What’s your favorite color? the sky! i know everyone is probably tired of me saying it but i dont like the idea of picking one 'color' since that allows for so much variation, so i instead choose something that is constantly varying and always beautiful at every instant ive ever gazed upon it

(15) What’s your favorite season? summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer summer please it's so cold i want to be able to feel warm when i go outside and not feel like im killing the planet when i consider turning the thermostat up a degree

(16) Want any tattoos? What of? oh i absolutely want tattoos definitely one for outer wilds (the hourglass twins), and id be open to the berseria title card with velvet's hair flowing into the letters i just think that game is neat

(17) Want any piercings? Where? im happy with my recent earlobe piercings but it would be desi as fuck to get a nose ring so that also sounds pretty cool

(18) Who is the last person you texted? my parents telling them im coming home from work

(19) Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ closest thing is probably my college roommate for 3 years but he went to grad school in a different state so ive barely seen him since

(20) What/who do you miss? oh well that's a question and a half i miss my ability to just get a crush and imagine cute and unrealistic fantasy stories where i went out with them now a combination of adult™ realism and the couple years i spent beating myself up for ever feeling romantic attraction have made doing both of those things so much harder so i just stick to projecting myself in established plots i mean its better than it was near the end of high school but. not as good as middle school when i actively loved going to bed just so i could imagine whatever i wanted in the hourish before i fell asleep

(21) How was your day today? tired. slept too early last night and thus the day had no sense of urgency and my head felt very bleh the entire time

(22) How much sleep did you get last night? 8 hours which is kinda the problem i function best with having had 9-10 hours two nights ago and 4-6 hours the night of and whenever i try to get a regular person sleep schedule™ it just makes me feel bad

(23) Do you believe in aliens? not like conspiracy theories or anything like that but. the universe is so BIG and we're finding so many planets that it feels impossible for there to not be life elsewhere also $20 europa has whales in it

(24) When was the last time you cried? Why? idk crying is hard and has barely ever happened since i felt bad about crying at a book in 6th grade and hammered it out of my brain. clearly my masking behaviors have never once been self destructive and i am an extraordinarily well adjusted girlie more recently my parents probably said something that made me feel bad and i semi-succeeded at crying in the shower and forgot about it the day after

(25) What’s your favorite decade? is it really possible for me to answer anything but the present? theres only been one decade where ive been a girl for part of it theres only been one decade where i fell in love with the sound of my voice theres only been one decade where i lived for myself and not for who i expected myself to be

(26) What are some seemingly childish things you like? i mean. i watch cartoons and eat sweets and enjoy going outside and getting distracted by everything i see there not sure what it means for something to be 'childish' tbh

(27) What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? favorite book is the raven tower by ann leckie it's just. such a wonderful story in such a beautiful world that i feel like i was made for book ive read the most is probably son of neptune though, i know i spent a few months just kinda picking it up at a random page and rereading a few chapters every couple of days

(28) How are you, really? not answering this it's cliche and boring

(29) Does it take you a long time to make decisions? yes and no if a decision is right in front of me i'll make it fairly quickly if a decision is far away then i will procrastinate it to the point of absurdity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(30) What are you looking forward to in the near future? getting on injections! estrogen time :d

(31) What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 2024 eclipse!!!! !!!! !!!!!! !!!!!!!!! i know with how much im hyping it in my head it'll definitely be covered with clouds at the place i go to but i! do! not! care! the 2017 eclipse is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in the entire world and i need to see it again

(32) If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? i want to see the aurorae other than things like that im pretty comfortable sitting in my room, but the idea of viewing something so magical is just incredibly appealing

(33) Do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed otherwise my parents would see how messy my room is and the airflow would be wrong and its brighter in the hallway and just. no

(34) What’s your favorite flower? is it too cliche to say cherry blossom? i grew up near washington dc like going to see the cherry blossom festival is a part of my core identity

(35) Do you currently have a squish? not really but also my brain has a taboo against verbalizing any kind of attractive feelings so it's difficult to overcome that enough to process my thoughts without hating myself so i dont try

(36) Do you like your middle name? no it's just my dad's name, which already feels old-fashioned in indian terms let alone the fact that it sounds vaguely like a mildly off-putting (to me) phrase in english

(37) Do you prefer dogs or cats? i love seeing them both outside or in friends' homes and i am unlikely to ever adopt one so that's the extent of it

(38) Do you have any phobias? i dont think so

(39) Do you stay up late? not late enough

(40) Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? a not-sunny beach is definitely cold so. yeah. the last beach ive been to was in gdynia though so i might be unfairly projecting how cold the baltic sea is onto other beaches that are reasonable temperatures

(41) What’s your favorite cartoon? if we're counting anime: bna if we're not: amphibia actually now that i think about it i need to rewatch kipo and the age of wonderbeasts that was good

(42) Tag 5 of your favorite blogs no

(43) Do you have siblings? How many? one older sister

(44) Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? probably my parents

(45) Is there anyone you would die for? oh absolutely. loads. the more interesting question would be 'is there anyone you would kill for' and that is far far more difficult to answer

(46) What do you need when you’re sad? patience

(47) Have you memorized your phone number? ofc i have it has interesting math properties associated with it that i sadly cant say here bc saying all the properties, even in a relatively cryptic form, would narrow it down to like 10 options if someone knew my area code

(48) Who’s someone you can trust with your life? this question is ridiculous when cars exist. i have to trust pretty much every driver near me with my life whether im in a car or walking near a road so i dont view it as a particularly meaningful level of trust nor do i view my life as something particularly worth guarding so like. whatever, yknow? (note: this isnt a mental health thing it's a samsara thing dw) if this body dies it dies and i wouldnt want anyone i care about to feel responsible no matter what

(49) What does your last text say? already said it

(50) Wild Card. Any question, ask away. my favorite font is alegreya sc

#lifeblogging #or at least close enough to it

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