So I went dumpster diving in my tablet for the first lamb I ever drew and WOW... I found a lot of sketches I really don't plan on revisiting. I am jsut gonna dump them below the cut for people to see!! Some of it is lore related, some of it is shit I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HATE, but IDC!!! I will post it anyway for the tumblr users who I keep an eye on my notifs for. (yes, i see you guys. even if i dont always interact I see you and love you guys)

Anyway, here is the earliest drawin I have of me drawing the lamb!! I am going to write a comment under a lot of these to add context to them.

A cute little baby <3333 but I struggled a LOT of figuring out what the lamb was wearing, I eventually figured it out though. (I hope)

if you know, you know. (RIP VAL)

for my BTG AU. I decided I no longer wanted chemach to make the [spoiler] for the lamb, though, so I scrapped this

vaaaal,,,,,, i was still learning how to draw him, i wish i put pants on him but do those even exist in COTL? (yes)

I haven't been able to do much with them because I'm putting other stuff first, but Brear has two kids, Notre and Brejul who Narinder absolutely ADORES. he is the one who babysits.

fun fact but the lamb being touch repulsed is a projection LOL. i hate it when people touch me it feels so tickly and makes me want to bite their faces off. (but i am touch starved and i LOVE to show affection to other ppl, esp thru back rubs)

yes, they have a hoop for personal space. no, ill never use it.

drum corcl,,,, i love the little dancing guy that comes from the drums

more narinder and brear. they're not romantically interested in each other, but he is absolutely head over heels for brear, their brother, and the kids. they even call him dad sometimes.

[no context]

kallamar and leshy before their crowns. the scene i have related to this isn't happening anymore, but it was leshy begging to be taught to swim.

another "the one who baby sits" doodle. the bishops all came into the cult with a very good repuation thanks to narinder. he likes to tell the kids of the cult stories about how amazing his siblings were. at first, it was just to nobre and brejul with stories about leshy(he missed leshy a lot even though he was still mad at him, and the two reminded narinder of his time with leshy), but then it escalated into him hosting storytimes with larger groups after they started repeating some of the stories he'd tell them.

unfinsihed stuff about with the lamb and thier mom. their mom wasn't afraid of the bishops at all, but knew that they were a still a threat to her and her child's life. the lamb did NOT care for anyone thier mom didn't approve of/enthusiastically liked. they were much more afraid of the bishops than their mother.

i do not actually know if i posted this.i dont think so, but i giggle every time i scroll past it

brear and nobre <333

im still workong on BTG shit, and i post a little bit of the characters on here even tho the comics are going to be posted elsewhere. they have a "crownlike" beak, but a body part. there's different creatures who became gods through different ways; crowns are one way but their power is stuck with the crown and they are considered extremely weak compared to other gods. i wont blabber on about it tho.

so many sketches has random lines through em because i work with a tablet,,, i hate it. anyway, narinder and kallamar everybody!

sketches i made but didn't bother to finish of me and merbre,,,,,,,,, my husband #1 <3 them w/ narinder + merbre arent gonna be considered "canon" but damn it ill self-ship with them until i get a follower i can WORK with

i come back to this every few weeks and im never happy with it, i dont know if ill finish this but i think about them........ before the divorce </3

unused from an ask

heartstealer. menace. you can rip my heart out anytime, leshy <3

dreshy. he LOVES dresses and being pretty and cute and pretty. he sucks narinder into a lot and heket will sometimes join in if he demands asks her to <3

another unused drawing from an ask i'll eventually answer. (mildly offended at being called a mutton cube.)

.... aaand WOW! I think that's everything guys!! things are still kinda wild but they're calming down a little bit. idk how much longer it's gonna last like this but I have some energy so I made a way-too-long post showing off art I wasn't supposed to post! Awesome. :D

tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

hey pretty, I just wanted to tell you that it's not your fics that makes this your blog, it's you!! so don't feel like to be here you have to be "working" or "posting". you're you and I love u for that. really, I love it when you answer asks, you're so polite, gentle and funny, it actually makes us wanna talk to you. but!! if one day this whole thing ever overwhelms you it's okay baby. just wanted to let you know that you alredy give us so much <33 you are amazing in indulging our thoughts, you give us tiktok content and amazing dad headcanons for all the characters!! know you're doing great, you really are active here and we love you 💗❤❤

i picked an apartment (NOT the church remodel one lmao) and signed my lease and i have a car now so most of what was stressing me out this month is now wrapped up, which explains why my body decided i had Done Enough and gave me a head cold to force me to rest in bed.

Based on ep 5 

ALASTOR

ALASTOR

BARKK BARK AOOOGAAA

Love a caring, defensive, sadistic, cannibilistic daddy demon

Title: Acts of service

Themes: slight submissive y/n, protective, blood, demon form, fluff, relationship dynamic, implied married couple, human life mentioned

Alastor can take a lot of shit…but even he has a breaking point….

(hehehehehehe)

Charlie’s hotel was not making the progress she wanted and so one day she shocked everyone with four words;

“My dad is coming”

The hotel was in a state of frenzy.

Everyone seemed excited to meet the King of Hell.

For once everyone was on one page and getting the place in tip top shape.

You had finally calmed Charlie down from her nth breakdown and had started primping yourself for the big man’s visit.

“Honestly its about time Luci showed his bright ass around here” you said as you patted some blush on.

Alastor was standing in the corner of your bedroom; oozing darkness menacingly.

He had been rather quiet and for once not making a fuss.

You almost smirked, whether or not he admits it

He adored Charlie 

And HATED being bested in anything.

“Youre glowering dear” you say as you finish applying your flawless makeup.

“I just dont see what all the hoopla is about. So what if the Morningstar is coming…its just charlie’s dad” Alastor grumbled in a rant.

You giggled “Yea but this is important to Charlie so no funny business mister”

His big smile tightened and his eyes narrowed “no promises”

You and Charlie greeted Lucifer

“Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

He damned near choked Charlie in a bear hug before turning to you

“Long time no see Sis” you hummed and gave him a big squeeze, but not before hissing lowly in his ear “do not fuck this up Luci”

He swallowed and you grinned before walking to stand by Alastor.

You nudged him towards Lucifer and reluctantly he introduced himself.

“Alastor sir pleasure to put a face to the name”

Lucifer shot you a look before eyeing Alastor suspiciously

“Uuuhh and you are?”

Alastor eye twitched “i’m the host of the hotel…you might know me from my radio broadcast hmm?”

Lucifer shrugged “nope guess thats why Charlie named it the HAZbin hotel”

You facepalmed and charlie was visibly getting nervous as you could literally see Alastor’s ego flare

“HA HA HA actually i came up with that”

“Ha Ha Ha well it wasnt very clever!”

They were in each other faces now

Alastor growled “ha ha HA fuck you”

You interjected, getting between the two, mostly Alastor

 “Boys Boys reign it in PLEASE” you threw a look at Alastor, who straightened his suit.

You sighed and turned your attention to Charlie 

“Dear why dont you tell your dad the whole point of your hotel” you gave a tense smile.

“Y/n is right dad! Alastor here has been tremendous help with the hotel…i wouldnt have made it this far without him” lucifer made a face.

You could see the wheels turning in Alastor’s head

He was up to no good.

“Yeeeeessss we are all very proud of Charlie. I am honored to fulfill any wish this lovely young lady has” 

He hugged Charlie and it took all of your willpower to not laugh at Lucifer’s annoyed look.

You giggled as he completely ignored Alastor and in turn to the others.

Charlie introduced her girlfriend and you could literally see his shoulders ease.

“OH thank Hell youre a lesbian! Cool cool i totally approve of THIS!”

Lucifer went on to give luxurious suggestions to Charlie, which Alastor shot down.

You sighed lovingly at Alastor’s antics.

He might have been the big bad Radio Demon, but he really was a softie when he wanted to be.

Definitely would have made a great dad…

You blushed at the thought.

Lucifer and Alastor were currently bickering with each other about who was the better father figure.

When suddenly the door flew open and a short, voluptuous, 1920 styled woman bursted in.

Your eyes widened “Mimzy?”

She squealed and embraced you in a tight hug, you kissed each other’s cheeks in greeting

“Ooooh y/n darling how you’ve been? Its been too long” she asked.

You grinned and gave a shrug “ooh it hasnt been that long has it?”

She greeted Alastor and gave you an astonished look “Y/n darling you still with dollface here?” you felt everyone eyes shift to you and you felt your eye twitch a bit but said nothing.

She begged to have you chat with her but you told her youll catch up her later, as you were helping Charlie and Alastor with Lucifer.

Not many people knew what your relationship with Alastor, hell not many people knew about Alastor life in general.

And you kind of liked to keep it that way but Mimzy was a talker if you ever saw one.

But Mimzy was not was one to just show up just out of nowhere…

She wanted something

You and Alaster were trailing behind Charlie as she explained the purpose of the hotel when Husker appeared to the two of you, addressing Alastor

“Boss a word with you” you quirked a brow when Alastor kindly shooed you off to have his discussion. You walked a bit aways before morphing into the wall and listened in on their conversation

“What is it?”

“You and I both know that Mimzy only pops her ass up when she needs somethin, that bitch is trouble and who knows what kind of shit she got into to come running to you”

True. 

“Dont worry so much Husker, its nothing i cant handle, besides who in their right mind would cross me?” 

“I mean…youve been gone a while and it aint like no one knows why-”

He was cut off

“And they dont need to know” that sharp smile was tight

Alastor patted Husker’s head condescendingly; like a pet.

Husker shoved his hand away angrily.

“Big talk for someone who’s also on a leash”

You saw Alastor glitch, eyes turning to black and glowing dials

Uh oh.

“What did you say?”

Your eyes widened as contract chains shot out at Husker, wrapping around his neck

Alastor was menacingly toying with the chain as he growled

“If you ever say that again i will tear your soul apart and broadcast your screams for every disrespectful wretch WHO DARES TO QUESTION ME!”

Husker was shaking like a leaf and you were stunned; Alastor rarely ever lost his composure.

When Alastor disappeared down the hall you morphed to Husker to ease his nerves

“Oh Husker are you ok?” you asked as you tried soothed his nerves.

He shook it off (not really) and grumbled “fucking asshole”

You headed back to the lobby with Husker when a loud BAM was heard.

What the fuck?

“Mimizy you skank c’mon out here!”

You see Mimzy hide behind the bar and raise a eyebrow.

You frown, going to heave her over the counter

“Mimzy care to enlighten me about what the actual fuck is that” 

She sweatdropped “i-i may or may not have borrowed some money from a loan shark”

Your frown deepened “how. Much. money?”

“O-o fifty…grand”

You hissed.

The hotel was shaking and was being heavily damaged

You pulled charlie out of the way as some debris fell from the ceiling and hissed at Lucifer “arent you gonna do something!?”

He was trying to make this a life lesson and now was NOT the time.

You growled and went to march right outside to give those goons a piece of your mind when a clawed hand settled on your shoulder.

“Dont worry dear ill handle this”

“But Alastor…”

His smile turned wild “its about time i reminded everyone why i am here…a reminder to not fuck with the Radio Demon!”

He transformed. Antlers out and black tentacles flaring.

You watch him grow big in size and rip the gangsters apart, eating a few.

You smiled wickedy, hells he was hot

After he had his fun he shrunk back to normal and you launched yourself at him

Lovingly you purred into his neck “you ok now?”

He grinned, nuzzling you “i missed blowing off some steam”

Mimzy approached the two of you and you frowned, opening your mouth to say something but Alastor beat you to it

“I think you should go Mimzy. Now”

She was shocked. Usually Alastor let her off the hook and it was you who normally told people off.

“Y-you cant be serious…”

His eyes narrowed “I mean it. You brought danger to this place just for me to clean up your mess. I wont allow that here”

He was putting his foot down. You leaned into him, happy.

You flashed her a sharp grin “i agree Mimzy, you should go”

She blinked “you backing up your hubby over ya own friend? y/n!”

She hissed at Alastor “you think i dont know you? You cant really give a shit about this place”

You crossed your arms, giving her a pointed look, hissing as you felt your eyes glow in anger “leave Mimzy. While i’m the one being nice”

She huffed and turned to leave, but not before flipping you both off.

You relaxed and turned to Alastor, who was looking smug.

Tugging on his bowtie you craned his neck to your level, purring

 “Bedroom now dear”

His ears perked and his smile grew wider “feeling big emotions doll?”

“Ooh you have no idea”

With a flick of your hand the hotel was restored and you were whisking the lanky red demon upstairs to blow off some steam of your own

….

extra:

"what y/n and Alastor are married?!"

charlie blinked "yea i thought you guys knew that"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

one piece smau: dating sanji edition

— modern! au , so fun , slight nsfw bc sanji is funny like that ig LMFAO

— SANJI X MALE READER one of my favorite pairings to ever cross the universe

liked by [name]s.chef, uso_pp, 9k others

lvrboy[name]: oh my god hes so fine someone give me this guys' number

[name]s.chef: BEAUTIFUL BOY MY NUMBER IS XXX-XXX-XXXX PLEASE SAVE MY CONTACT AS PRINCE SANJI I WILL ALWAYS BE AT YOUR BECK AND CALL

-> dni_nami: no fucking way, why did this guy just leak his number TO HIS OWN BOYFRIEND

uso_pp: the day sanji doesn't comment in all caps to his boyfriends posts is the day the apocolypse comes

-> roro.zoro: fr why he always yelling at him....

-> freeluffy: sanji is so aggressive to his own boyfriend, should we help [name]? -> [name]s.chef: YOU MORONS HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE AND IT SHOWS

-> uso_pp: ruhroh he angry

love.pudding: is he single?

-> [name]s.chef: I AM A GAY MAN AND IN LOVE WITH MY FUTURE HUSBAND - I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE ELSE BUT MY LOVER, I AM A LOYAL MAN TO MY BOYFRIEND. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME OR HIM IF YOU WISH TO DATE EITHER OF US. WE ARE DEEPLY IN LOVE AND ALWYS WILL BE.

[liked by lvrboy[name]]

liked by freeluffy, dni_nami, boahancock, and 10k others

[name]s.chef: I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY HES THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM

tagged: lvrboy[name]

dni_nami: never seen you smile that wide before

-> roro.zoro: i wish i never saw it, it's terrifying

-> [name]s.chef: i fucking hate you, dont interact with any of my posts you idiot

-> [lvrboyname]: holy shit whenever you guys breathe do you have to insult each other

-> [name]s.chef: I WON'T ANYMORE MY BABY

SUPERCOLA: do you guys remember when sanji said he hated [name] and rejected the idea of being in love with him.

-> lvrboy[name]: LMFAOAOOA

-> {name]s.chef: that wasnt me, that was my evil twin that was plotting on my downfall.

liked by [name]s.chef, roro.zoro, and 10k others

lvrboy[name]: personal bottle boy <3

tagged: [name]s.chef

[name]s.chef: until the bed breaks. as many rounds as you want, any position you want, anything.

-> dni_nami: sanji please be fucking normal challenge

[liked by roro.zoro and 100 others]

dr.law: is this sanitary???

-> lvrboy[name]: deez nuts in your mouth are about to be sanitary

-> [name]s.chef: TELL HIM BABY TELL HIM !!!

-> dr.law: this shit doesnt even make sense ???

liked by [name]s.chef, lvrboy[name], and 15k others

freeluffy: i can't eat when sanji is making out with [name] across from me. i'm never going out with these two again.

tagged: [name]s.chef and lvrboy[name]

uso_pp: LMFAO i thought it was known to never go out with sanji and [name]? sanji just ends up ignoring you and only paying attention to [name]

-> [name]s.chef: and that's the way it should be. who else should i pay attention to when my beautiful, handsome, erethral boyfriend is right in front of me?

robinkills: i have never heard luffy sound so serious before, what did you two do to him?

-> roro.zoro: probably traumatize him

lvrboy[name]: i'm sorry lu, i'll make it up to you sometime

-> freeluffy: pay for my meals on campus for a week straight :D

-> lvrboy[name]: i'll pay for it for two weeks, i'm really sorry luffy </3

-> [name]s.chef: DONT STEAL MY BOYFRIEND FROM ME YOU FUCKING IDIOT I'LL SKEWER YOU ALIVE

roro.zoro: i think i vomitted in my mouth a little bit, happy for you guys ig.

-> lvrboy[name]: thank you...?

liked by [name]s.chef, dr.law, and 10k others

lvrboy[name]: my bby in crop tops >>>

tagged: [name]s.chef

[name]s.chef: I WILL WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT BABE WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY, I'LL WEAR. I HAVE EYES FOR NO ONE ELSE BUT YOU!! I LOVE YOU!!!

-> lvrboy[name]: i love you so much muah

SUPERCOLA: sanji and [name] stop making out challenge literally fucking impossible.

[liked by dni_nami, uso_pp, and 90 others]

-> skullnsoul: they're so funny

liked by lvrboy[name], roro.zoro, and 14k others

[name]s.chef: my beautiful boy suprised me by preparing me food with his own recipe today, i think i could cry genuine tears. you guys don't understand how happy i am that i found him and am now able to call him mine. i will love [name] until my last breath. i am so, so lucky.

tagged: lvrboy[name]

uso_pp: okay i guess this was a cute post or whatever.

[liked by dni_nami, robinkills, and 100 others]

lvrboy[name]: sanji i'm gonna cry :< i love u sm too

-> [name]s.chef: pls dont cry my love

ttchopper: my favorite couple, you two are so sweet!

roro.zoro: cant even say anything mean, this is very heartwarming

-> lvrboy[name]: sanji won't tell you this but he giggled and kicked his feet when he read this.

lvrboy[name]'s story

my boyfriend's so fucking sexy-

[name]s.chef replied to your story: CAN I KISS YOU PLEASE COME BACK TO BED SO I CAN KISS YOU PLEASE CAN I KISS YOU CAN I PLEASEEE-

older - CL16

pairings: charles leclerc x male!singer!reader (fc: luke hemmings)

summary: singer yn ln releases a love song with his boyfriend, and the public are not prepared for who it is about

authors note: this has been on my mind for SO LONG. i honestly dont like how many fics ive been doing on the same people (charles, lando etc) but whenever i go to start a new one on my list for someone else i think of something that i have to do😭 also in this reader is not a part of 5sos but close friends with the 3, wfttwtaf is readers album and older is exclusivly the readers song

authors note 2: i wanted to quickly clarify i am NOT speculating that charles or luke are gay/queer and this is not my intentions. luke obviously sings older and i find it easier to visualise it this way, while the reader in this is male, this could also be read as gn!reader. this is FICTION please do not tkae this as me speculating anything

authors note 3: i didnt really know what i was doing with this so its kind of all over the place and very rushed :/ but then again when arent my smau all over the place?? also can you tell i hate writing comments by the way i just dont😭

masterlist

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, ashtonirwin and 818,937 others

we started this song together back in 2020 and picked it back up at the end of 2022

'Older' was originally a voice memo of a 50’s-style love song that we wrote together, then forgot about. when thinking of concepts for my debut album i stumbled across the memo and fell in love with it all over again, but i put it aside yet again as to me, it deserved more than the album

the song has changed a lot from the original voice memo, but the meaning has stayed the same throughout. despite all the beauty, the ups and downs of a long-term relationship over many years, there’s inevitably going to be the worst moment of your love because one of you is going to lose each other

capturing those feelings in a song was tricky but ultimately we wrote from the heart and i think it shows in the song itself

this has always been a song between us, so having him play on this song was very importnt to me and im glad he said yes

older is now yours

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername

liked by landonorris, calumhood and 1,727,338 others

im very pleased to announce a very special one off show at the Royal Albert Hall in London this November 18th. I will be playing a bunch of tracks from my debut album and may be joined to play some others aswell! Tickets on sale this monday at 10 am BST. Lots of love always, yn x

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername

liked by 5sos, charles_leclerc and 2,719,936 others

thank you for an incredible night at the royal albert hall

looking back at the best night of my life, i need to thank each and every one of you who allowed this dream to come true, i will never be able to thank you guys enough

performing in my dream venue, with my favorite people in the world was something i never thought was possible and yet here i am, writing this still on my high from last night

thank you to my friends; michael, ashton and calum who took the time to come to london and perform their songs with me, thank you for always loving me and agreeing to my crazy ideas

to my team and everyone who worked to make this night as special as it could be, thank you. thank you for making my htoughts a reality and making this night as wonderful as possible

thank you to the staff who worked throughout the show to make sure everyone was safe, well and looked after. you truly do not get as much credit as you deserve and i apreciate the hard work you put in to keep everyone happy

thank you to those who joined me, i wish each and every one of you who wanted to could have been there. thank you for singing along and listening to me pour my heart and soul into my music

thank you for letting me do this x

view comments

user55: not the pcd hitting already☹️

user1: and im supposed to pretend i didnt see yn and 5sos perform os/co??

user89: CHARLES?? YN IS DATING CHARLES??

user91: AND HE CAME ON STAGE?? AND THEY PERFORMED OLDER??

user50: i cant believe i saw this all happen live

user47: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER WAS RUNING THE GRAINY LIVESTREAM I OWE YOU MY LIFE🧎🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️

ashtonirwin: thank you for everything yn. youre a real life angel

user16: NO CHARLES MENTION??

user9: BESTIE HE HAS A WHOLE POST

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, michaelclifford and 3,619,273 others

after having time to process this show, I feel so overcome with gratefulness. my music means so much to me and seeing so many people resonate with it in a live space was so special for me.

charlie, my life would literally fall apart without you and this would have never happened without you giving me the confidence to do so, i hold so much love and admiration for you

thank you for joining me on such a special night and performing our song with me, thank you for sticking with me through it all and thank you for allowing me to share this part of my life with you

i sometimes wonder where i would be if i didnt find you, if i wasnt blessed with your love. i try to think about the times before you, before us, but both feel impossible to do after feeling your love

life with you is so special and i promise to always cherish and love you

merci de m'avoir laissé vieillir avec toi, merci de m'avoir laissé t'adorer, merci de m'avoir choisi (thank you for letting me get old with you, thank you for letting me adore you, thank you for choosing me)

yn x

tagged: charles_leclerc

comments on this post have been limited

charles_leclerc: mon ange, je t'aimerai toujours (my angel, I will always love you)

charles_leclerc: je suis tellement privilégiée d'être celle que tu aimes🤍🤍 (I'm so privileged to be the one you love)

yourusername: vieillir avec toi ne semble pas si effrayant🖤🖤 (growing old with you doesn't seem so scary)

more rodrick PLSSSSS it can be anything

omg this is my first req ever and im so excited thank you!!

you wanted more Rodrick well here's more Rodrick.

part 2 out now!!

summary: Rodricks your best friend but thats not enough for you. As much as you hate to admit, you like the boy. That's why you show up drunk and high at one of his infamous house parties after he'd ranted to you about how he was so so in love with Heather Hills.

warnings: angst, heartache, kissing, Heather Hills, pining, weed, alcohol, crying, one sided love kinda, self hate

wc: 1k+

"She was so pretty."

"Oh yea?"

"No. I dont think you understand, like the way her hair smelled when she strut past me, the smell of..... smell of something light. Fresh! Pink even."

Rodrick practically had stars in his eyes when he described how his crush was at school. You'd be ecstatic if the crush was you, but the world is cruel so here you were talking about Heather Hills for the last hour or so.

"Y'know... I heard she spat on Louise last week. Poor kid, was dosed in her icky saliva for the whole day." Y/n was selfish but she tried to paint Heather in a bad light.

"Shit i'd pay good money for her to spit on me."

Well that backfired she thought.

"Freak" Y/n lightly laughed as she fell back onto Rodricks soft bed. Chest heaving up and down whilst her mind felt clouded.

"What can I say, love makes anyone a freak."

There was that word again. Love. How could he be bloody in love with little miss Heather Hills. The queen of highschool. The perfect girl. Pretty blondie. Pretty face. Y/n quickly began to realise there were plenty of reasons for Rodrick to crush on her. Y/n was a nobody. She thought her face ugly, her style wack, her eyes too uneven. She hated, hated, hated herself and wished she looked like Heather.

"Oh. My. God. I just had the best fucking idea" Rodrick exclaimed with the dorkiest smile he could produce, each fine line below the thickness of his eyebrows seen under the dim lighting of his room.

"Hmm?" Y/n buzzed as she basked in the coolness of his sheets

"M'gonna throw a party" "Heather would definitely come, i mean its one of my parties we're talking about."

Flashbacks to Rodrick's last party hit y/n's head like a train when she remembered how chaotic and horrible the experience was. Drunk teens shouting and chugging unknown beverages, shoulders brushing against shoulders constantly as she tried to find a room she could breath in without having to see another damn couple absolutely devouring eachother. Each and every minuscule second she'd spent in that house made her want to puke. The sight that made her want to puke the most was Rodrick's clearly drunk self throwing himself onto Heather, eyes sparkly with hope whilst she just sat there smiling so sweetly it was sickening.

Quickly she was sent back to reality.

"D'you think that's a good idea?" she questioned, tired.

"Course it is! she always comes to my things"

"Kay' whatever you think is gonna earn you your little dream girl specimen."

"Trust me, this times different." That's what he always said.

--------------------------------------

It's ok. It's ok. I-It's.... it's gonna be fine. she told herself as she admired the makeup she'd put on for tonight's occasion, she'd tried to copy one of Heathers famous looks, but quickly realised it didn't suit her skin so she stuck to her usual and hated herself for it. It was dreadfully the day of his party. The day that she'd have to witness him openly flirt with Heather just because he had an excuse to down a dozen bottles of cheap booze. She swiped a smear of lipstick that somehow ended up below her lip and sighed as she adjusted her shirt. Why do you always give in? Just confess you idiot. No! what the fuck am i thinking. she scrunched her nose and took a deep breath in, abusing her vanity with the pressure from the pads of her fingers.

She really really didn't want to go. She couldn't bare seeing Heather show up with her annoyingly perfect face, her perfect nose, her perfect hair, her stupidly sweet personality that everyone gaped over. Fuck it. She hated herself and wanted to forget that Rodrick even existed.

She found her not so hidden stash of weed she'd carelessly left under a pile of worksheets from her chemistry class, something ionic bonding. She didn't know how long it'd sat there for but it stained the ziplock bag a dull yellow. The bag was crinkled and smelled like the thought of Rodrick. Whenever she was upset or mad at Rodrick she'd smoke weed to drown the thoughts out but she slowly realised it was ruining the drug as a whole for her.

She rolled a joint in a random piece of paper she'd found thrown on her floor and lit up the end, taking a deep whiff of it, smile playing on her lips.

-----------------------------

"Animals.....Elephants....Tiguurrrsssss!" She slurred as she laid flat on her disheveled bed scrunching the sheets as her eyes formed stars around her ceiling. She got up abruptly, hair a mess and rubbed her eyes deepening the pressure with every second. "Rrrr... What time? Uggggh" She sighed as she reached for her phone. Her room was cloudy and smelled of green. Beside her were a few empty glasses so she took a sniff, curious. Happy juice? No, Vodka she thought. She saw the emptied out bottle of cheap convenience store alcohol by the side of her feet a long with the yellowed bag of weed which was empty. it'd been around 2 hours since she blacked out on her bed somehow thinking about how her fan looked like the shape of animals. Shit, fuck, ass, asshole! she muttered under her breath as she plopped back down.

"Why not? What's thurrr worst that could happennn?" she mumbled eyes fluttering as she picked up her bag and stumbled out her window, careful not to wake anyone. She took the route down the tree that always worked for her but in a clumsy fashion as she fumbled down the hard branches of her overgrown escape buddy. Craaack, Creeeeak. The continuous sounds made her annoyed. "Uggggfh can't everyone just shut up!!"

--------------------------------------

There she was. Standing dumb, drunk and high in front of the booming house lit up by warm yellow light. She could already smell the familiar smell of cheap alcohol, body odour and weed. My kind of night she thought as she barely made her way to the entrance. There were already people outside partying like no tomorrow as some flipped their hair to some overplayed hip hop song that everyone knew. While some were more restricted, sipping on booze as they giggled with their friends. The true highschool experience y/n thought.

Bump.

"Hey! Watch it-"

"Y/n?"

It was someone with beautiful waves of blonde still visible from her clouded vision, pretty makeup and a perfect body. Heather.

"O-Oh hey Heather! Pretty little Heather Hills." Y/n slurred as her vision was still blurred

"Uhm... Y'alright?" She questioned looking back at her friends as if y/n was cuckoo.

"No. No. No. No! Y-you. You. You and your stupidly perfect self can go to hell!" y/n lashed out

"W-what? Y/n what the fuck is wrong with you?" Heather said clearly freaked out by the sudden aggression.

Tears started to cloud y/n's vision so she took in a deeeeep breath trying to suck in as much oxygen as she could.

"Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! You- You're all he wants. Heather, heather, heather! My perfect little heather with her pretty little face!" Y/n cried out as her knees began to weaken. She had no sense of shame, embarrassment or anxiety. She was too blacked out for this. So blacked out she just blurted her deepest darkest thoughts.

A crowd began to form around them, some curious at the sudden shouting girl who was crumbling a part, vulnerable in front of some people she didn't even know the names of.

"W-what? What are you even saying y/n." Heather said confused and disturbed as she began to back away.

Warmth began to spread at the small of y/n's back. Rodricks hand.

"Y/n? Why the fuck are you screaming?- Y/n s-shit you're not alright." Rodrick hastily slung y/n's arm around his shoulder careful with her as if she was a piece of fine china.

"S-sorry bout' that Heaths, trust me she doesn't mean anything she's saying" Rodrick stutters clearly not drunk enough, nervous as he realises that Heather is clearly agitated.

"Y-yea. It's okay Rodrick. It's not your fault, just get her far from here kay?" Heather said with sympathy and those stupid doe eyes whilst placing a hand on his shoulder. This should've made him tremble with pleasure, but the fact that she'd talked about y/n as if she was a monster made him angry.

"Yea. Yea alright." Rodrick scoffed, lightly rolling his eyes before dragging y/n's blacked out figure up his carpeted staircase, the carpet grazing her knees creating a friction which burned satisfyingly on her kneecaps.

"Fuuuck. Fuck..." Y/n softly mumbled, head tilting to the side of his shoulder as he firmed his grip on the side of her shoulder. Shoulders.... shoulders are for friends, real girls get hands put on their waist. Not shoulders. She managed to conjure the thought in her hazed mind.

He struggled to open his door as y/n's body weight pressed into the side of him as he suddenly heard silent weeps of sorrow erupt from her lips.

He set her on the foot of his bed, careful not to drop her anywhere harsh.

"Y/n? Y/n what's wrong, you're like black out drunk." He asked now bending down with both hands on his knees.

He slowly caresses his hand over the hill of her cheekbone and shoves a fly of hair away from her puffy eyes.

"You....i... Im sick of you and- and her." She sighs as a hysterical tear falls from her eye. Her face was the saddest Rodrick had ever seen and this broke his heart.

"Me and... me and who y/n?" He said so softly as he began to crouch so so close to her, his eyes looking up into hers with genuine curiosity and care. The mention of her name fluttered her heart.

"Heather" She breathed out involuntarily sniffling.

"You don't like me talking about her?" He slowly asked as if all the dots were finally clicking together.

"That's a stupid question." He lowly chuckled as he swiped his thumb under the pad of her eyes.

"I.. I really- I really"

"You really what?" He said again so so softly

"I really like you." She blurted before she felt that familiar rush of heat rapture her face.

Rodrick's eyes glance down to her swollen lips and he feels a strong ache pill at his heart. His best friend just confessed about her underlaying fondness of him and he'd been an ass talking about Heather all the time. He imagined how bad it must've sucked all the damn time.

"I-I'm so sorry I- I always talked about her."

"No! don't fucking be sorry you idiotttt." She slurred

"You- You don't owe me anything." She smiled softly as she fluffed up his hair.

"Maybe..." This is wrong he thought

"Maybe i do owe you an apology." He said slow and steady as he glanced down to her lips and locked with it for the final time.

He slowly moved in to plant a soft kiss on her puffy lips and her eyes widened in surprise.

The kiss felt like heaven and she tasted like everything he was used to. A hint of cherry chapstick, a lot of weed and something coconut. His lips felt so soft against hers and she breathed in every second of the experience. She almost wanted to whine when he pulled away.

"I- Fuck."

Y/n's euphoric high was quickly ruined at the notice of him clearly regretting his decision.

"No- It's fine Rodrick. I get it, it was just a in the moment thing." She sighed as she put both her hands to her face rubbing her cheeks and eyes as if she was trying to rid off the pain in her heart.

"No, no, no! it's not that."

"I just..."

"Fuck it." He went in for another kiss.

--------------------------(end)

thank u for the request!! i hope this was enough to satisfy ur rodrick need lol, if u ever want a smutty end to this lmk but yarrrrr

take my hand * ls2

the princess, to inherit the throne after marriage, is having the hardest time trying to find a man to wed. until, a certain duke of somewhere comes riding in to ask for her hand

pairings: prince!logan x princess!reader

word count: 4.6k

notes: just a short long introductiON!! ugh, there's a lot more to this i think and i'm so excited for this like u cant make this shit up, thank u to the turtle anon who requested this tbh i never would have thought of this my fucking self!! AHHH tell me wht u think bc i spent 3 days drafting and writing this and i'll retire if i dont know what u think of it

(f1 masterlist)

your hands grab your skirt as you move one foot in front of the other. you bend your knees as you curtsy and drop your head. "i hope that you didn't find your stay to be a waste of time, your majesty. i can only offer my sincerest apologies.”

"princess, please," a laugh makes you lift your head with an unimpressed expression flashing on your face, "i told you to call me max. and, it's okay. perhaps we were not the best match."

"truly," you smile, resting your hands on your poofed-up gown that covers your legs. "i do, however, really did enjoy your stay. i learned a lot about the world while you were here."

max glances at the carriage that approaches the front steps that lead to the castle. "text me when you do find the love match you're looking for, princess," he smiles, turning to you politely. "shame that it could not be prince charles."

"do not bring that up. it is unlike me to be so particular of something so... superficial," you laugh, a hand coming up to your mouth. "i'll extend an invite to you for the wedding - if there will ever be one."

"you're absolutely lovely," he straightens his shirt. "i'm sure there will be somebody that will put an end to your long search for a husband."

"a princess can only dream," you shrug. you take a step forward when the carriage stops right by you, mirroring the step he takes to initiate his departure. "texting buddies, okay? take pictures of bangkok for me when you pay a visit to prince alex."

"your wish is my command," max smiles. he holds his hand out to you, palm facing up. "want to hear one more fun fact about geography before i leave?"

you shake your head with a polite smile, lifting your hand and tilting your head as he takes it into his. "please just leave, max. no more fun facts."

"fine. i shall text you one when i arrive in the netherlands," he teases you, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

that was how the week ended for you. you waved as you watched prince max's carriage ride off into the sunset, towards the exit of your castle. you then sigh when he is no longer in sight. you turn around to face the exterior of the castle you called home for the entirety of your life.

at the large doors, your younger brother stands with his arms folded over his chest. "debrief, sister?"

"yes," you mutter, grabbing what you can of your petticoat and skirt, and hurrying up the stairs. "did you manage to sneak sabine in? she has to be there for the debrief."

"in your bedroom with a bottle of expensive champagne and orange juice as per your request," mick mutters, turning on his heel as you pass him at the doors. "before you run off, however, mother looks for you."

"tell mother i am busy," you frown, hastily navigating the long hallway to try and get to your room. realistically, your farewell with max lasted much longer than you would have liked. but, he is now considered a friend.

“sister,” mick says with a bewildered expression on his face. “she will shave my head if i say that to her.”

you grin. “good, then i get to keep my hair.”

“it’s important, she emphasised. something about a new guest for next week.” mick jogs to catch up to you, stomping his foot into the ground when you come to a halting stop. he smiles apologetically at you. “i hate to be the bearer of bad news for you, sister.”

you fight the urge to roll your eyes. your grasp only tightens around your skirt. “another guest so soon? is she so desperate to hop off the throne and ride off into the sunset with father for an early retirement?”

mick sighs and shakes his head. “you know it’s not like that.”

“all i asked of her is that she gives me a week break between all of the men she is throwing at me! i have not had a moment to myself in three weeks!” you ramble, picking up the weight of your dress again. you charge down the hallway. “i’ve barely had the time to listen to the voices in my head, brother.”

“i told you to stop making that joke — it’s not funny!”

“it is!”

“it could very well be existent — the voices in your head. what are we to do if you truly turn out to be a lunatic of some sort?”

mick is ahead of you a couple of steps again when you halt your footsteps. “you’re saying you’d love me less if i were to be diagnosed to be a lunatic?”

he presses his lips together. “i should tell mother about the time you took body shots off of frederik at that one party i snuck you into.”

“perhaps i shall tell mother about your escapades with the help,” you point out. your smile slowly turns triumphant when mick rolls his eyes and takes a step back. “exactly.”

“i’ll see you in your bedroom, devil spawn,” mick says through his teeth. he glances down the hall and turns on his heel. he leans into you slightly with a smirk. “bring laila. tell her i miss her.”

“take the piss, mick,” you scoff. you continue your way down the hallway and make a quick right. the stairwell leading up to your bedroom almost tempts you, but the silence of the hallway makes your mother’s voice briefly flashes in your ear.

you can almost imagine the fallout if you ignored her this time. so you take one more step down the hallway and knock on the door. from the corner of your eye, you can see someone approaching you. “princess.”

you slowly turn your body to face them and tilt your head. “laila.”

“how was the farewell with prince max?” she giggles, hovering behind you as you wait for your mother’s response. “glad to be on your own, i hope.”

“yes, until you realise that i’m here because mother,” you knock again, “has found another bachelor to terrorise me with either his questionable fashion or weird love for countries that are not his own! for the next week!”

the door finally opens, knocking you back a step as the sudden intrusion of your complaints. you were not done rambling on about the failed courtships that you have had to endure in the last couple of months.

“there you are, mother. i was wondering if mick was simply trying to get rid of me by telling me you needed me,” you grumble, walking straight into the tea room she locked herself in. “question: why is mick telling me about another suitor coming in the next week?”

“ah,” your mother smiles. “yes. i’ve been meaning to speak to you about him, but you seemed busy with prince max. actually, i thought i might have to call off the duke of florida.”

you raise an eyebrow and turn to her. “but mother, i need a break.”

she shrugs in return, throwing her arms in the air. she walks back to the table in the far corner of the room where her tea is set. “he is a very busy man, darling.”

“i’m a busy woman!” you shriek, taking all offence to what your mother is trying to imply. “are you saying his time is more valuable than mine? i am a princess, to inherit the throne upon marriage — he is just a duke.”

your mother doesn’t respond, but takes a seat at her table and smiles at you. you glance at laila, standing quietly by the door with her hands clasped together. you turn back to your mother.

“some might say he will only turn out to be my trophy husband if all of this works out the way you want it to!”

“please, watch yourself! is that what you learned when we let you go out to uni?” your mother scolds you with a bewildered expression on her face. “well, it’s no wonder you cannot find a husband. we are running out of eligible bachelors, just to inform you.”

you part your lips, chest heaving as you try and process — yet again — the underlying meaning of her words. “postpone the courtship.”

“i simply cannot. and, it would be rude of me as he is already en route,” she sips on her tea, “he arrives in the morning.”

“i-“ you cut yourself off and take a deep breath. “whatever.” you turn on your heel and march towards the door. “let’s go, laila. let’s have one last debrief before i give in to my true desire to throw myself out of the bloody window.”

“behave, (y/n)!”

you kick your feet up as you pour orange juice into the champagne flute. "kind fernando was fine, actually," you say, pointing at the picture that flashes on the wall of your bedroom. "it's just unfortunate that he was a bit too old for me."

"a bit?" mick scoffs, turning to you. he is on your bed, duvet pulled up to his shoulders, with one of his arms poking out to hold his champagne flute. "he's ten years younger than father, you think he is only a bit old?"

you stare at him. "it's just twenty years - it could have been worse."

"she's deranged," sabine says, half her upper body laying on your bed while her legs are on the ground of your carpeted floor. "don't mind her. so, next failed date."

the picture immediately changes, now prince george of britain is plastered on your wall in all his glory. you sigh and throw your head back into your chair. “this one is just such a shame.”

“that he’s much sassier than you,” mick grins, turning to you. “you reckon he’s…”

“definitely not. he told me he’s in love with a mundt,” you mutter. “but prince alex told me it’s complicated — mundt is arranged to marry someone else!”

laila gasps, turning to you from the corner of the room. "have you got a groupchat with all the royals or something?"

"no, prince alex is just my bestie," you beam, turning back to the screen. "i'd have married him on the spot if princess lily wasn't already with him."

"you don't like prince alex like that," mick mutters, side eyeing you with a small scowl. "if you were so open to marrying friends, why didn't you just marry prince max?"

"because he was born to be irritating." you shake your head. "and i'm not interested in geography like that. i can't have that for the rest of my life."

"okay, but what was wrong with the crown prince of monaco? he was sculpted by the gods," sabine mutters, changing the slide. objectively, he very well could have been the one that ended all of this for you.

but there was something about his odd fashion choices that made you pull away about three days into his stay in the palace. you lied through your teeth about it simply not being a love match, but never told him about the real reason. it just seems quite mean and intentional if you brought that up.

"not his fashion sense," you mutter. you turn to laila. "why are you standing the corner? don't you want to cuddle with your boyfriend who's already made a home out of my bed?"

"no, princess, i'm at work," she whispers, shaking her head. "more champagne?"

"ridiculous," you mutter, pointing at mick. "when we're in this room and those doors are closed, you are my friend. and his secret girlfriend. so please, kick the shoes off and cuddle before i change my mind."

mick grins, pushing the blankets from his torso. he opens up one of his arms for her. "i told you she doesn't care."

"yeah, but i work for her," laila mutters, climbing into your bed hesitantly and snuggling up into mick's side.

you put your drink down on the table and readjust the projector set up next to you, sharpening the quality and readjusting it to ensure that everyone can see the pictures proper. "don't need to remind me i'm single, you guys."

"you should have just given prince charles a chance," sabine mutters with an eyeroll. she looks at you with her lips pressed together. "i keep telling you - that prince was a catch despite the weird fashion sense."

you switch to the next slide. "fluorescent yellow is up next,” you mutter. “prince lando is so funny.”

“i’m going to tell you again, sister,” mick looks over at you, “funny isn’t going to rule your people properly.”

you roll your eyes and take a swig of your mimosa. “he didn’t even want to court me in the first place — his mother talked him into it,” you explain, shaking your head. “we’re mutuals on instagram!”

“are you even allowed an instagram account?” mick laughs, remembering all the lectures you both would received growing up about behaviour on social media.

“i know you’ve got a private one,” you clear your throat, “as do i. it was very handy for uni.”

“true that,” sabine agrees with you, nodding with a wide smile. “i’m your biggest fan. she’s got the most ratchy stuff in there, mick. you don’t follow her?”

“no, we’re not that close,” mick shakes his head with a giggle. “so, prince lando essentially… just isn’t looking to be married so soon?”

“unfortunately not. but that’s absolutely none of my business,” you giggle, sinking into your seat comfortably. you flip to the next picture and hum in satisfaction. “and the latest one to add to our collection.”

“ah, prince max,” mick grins. he looks at laila. “he was lovely, wasn’t he?”

laila presses her lips together and giggles. she nuzzles into mick’s side, resting her head on his shoulder. “he was very friendly. i quite liked him during his stay.”

“as did my sister, i believe,” mick teases. “do you know how many fun facts prince max knows about the world?”

“ah, i’ve spoken to him,” sabine nods with a soft giggle. she pushes herself up onto the bed, stomach down and rests her head flatly. “he was very nice.”

“she snuck you in somehow this week?” mick turns to you. “very defiant, sister. were you not afraid that mother would catch you sneaking a commoner into the palace again?”

you press your lips together and nod enthusiastically. “max wanted gin and tonics.”

“wow, first name basis,” laila teases, covering her lips with her hand. “he was a talkative drunk, my love, but he is very delightful to be with. did you not converse with him when he was here?”

"i was busy with my finals up until this afternoon," mick sighs, shaking his head. "though, i overheard dear sister over there telling prince max he will be invited to the wedding. so, i will see him again."

"you're such a snitch, mick," you grunt as you roll your eyes. "but anyway, i've got a prince something coming in tomorrow for another week of courtship."

sabine lifts her head to look at you. "seriously? did your mother tell you who it is? shall we search him up on google so we can form first opinions before his arrival?"

mick lifts an eyebrow, moving his head to the side while he maintains his judgemental stare at your best friend. "isn't that a bit much?"

you hum. the thought of google searching for the duke of florida is very tempting. while you do typically let sabine go and do her own investigative searches ahead of time for you to assess how much fun you might have in the time of courtship, it feels like this one is too soon to be able to prepare for it.

you reach over to the projector and turn it off, rolling your eyes at the chorus of disappointment that your entourage voices out. "not for this one, i fear," you stand up and readjust your pyjama shirt. "the duke of florida will have to simply remain a mystery to us all until sunrise."

"what?" sabine slumps her shoulders as disappointment laces her words. "but i won't even be here for his arrival. that's unfair, princess! i insist on sticking around!"

you perk up at the suggestion. you clench your jaw as your face lights up with an idea, turning to your best friend with a small smile. "you're right. you should stay, sabine." you turn to mick with a small smile. "she should stay, shouldn't she, brother?"

he raises an eyebrow in response, and you scowl at the way laila is also staring at you in curiosity. "and how do you suppose you will make that possible? mother will not allow."

"but father will," you beam, "father will not say no. he loves sabine as much as he loves me."

mick gives you a thumbs up. "i would never have thought that you were a daddy's girl, sister."

you roll your eyes and head for the door. "i will find father and i shall convince him to let sabine stay."

"oy." you hear a tired voice before your body is shaken. the duvet is pulled up to your back with your face nuzzled into the pillow. "mother asked me to wake you."

"brother, i wish to wake up one day and not have you pester me," you mutter, rubbing your eye as you lift your head.

"you had that the entirety of my semester when i was away for uni," mick laughs. you feel the bed dip and a hand on your shoulder. next to you, sabine lifts her head to glare at mick. "ah, i seem to have woken up your partner-in-crime as well. mother didn't ask for you, only my sister."

"ah, fuck off. you're not the prince of anything to me, mick schumacher, i've seen you hunched over the bathroom with puke on your lips," sabine mutters, slowly sitting up. she turns to you. "are you ready for another potential bachelor?"

"how late did you sleep, sabine?" you hum, sitting up as well. you sigh and lay your weight on mick's back, resting your head on his shoulder. you glance over at her, assessing the shadows under her eyes. "have you even slept?"

"couple hours," she giggles, tearing off the duvet off her body. "i was up all night researching this duke of florida. i'm very excited for my stay in your palace, princess."

mick chuckles, looking over at the older girl that paces around your room. he looks at you and rests his cheek on the top of your head. "i suggest you start getting ready before mother is the one that asks you."

"just give me a minute," you whisper, shaking your head. truthfully, you were just not ready to be courted by another eligible bachelor. while you have yet to meet anyone who would generally make you gouge your eyes out, being courted endlessly for days is just not a very ideal situation.

you never know - the duke of florida might actually might be the one that throws you over the edge.

the sound of heels echoing in the hallway makes you and mick perk up, the tone and the pace of it being too familiar. you hop off the bed and grab the skirt of your nightgown. mick hops to his feet and jogs over to the door. "okay, i shall get up now."

you take a deep breath as you stare at the stairwell that would lead you towards your potential death. you can hear your mother and father conversing at the end of the stairs.

you take a deep breath as you hunch over the railing that grants you a look at your family and the door. it never gets any easier meeting these men of high status almost week after week, hopeful to ask for your hand at the end of it all.

and it doesn't get any easier trying to find gentle ways to reject these men either. they're very receptive to your rejection, which always gives you some sort of comfort when the time comes, but you're sure they are only this graceful about it because you are a princess.

you're very well aware that the average man would not react that way, very telling of your experiences in university. often, your brother would have to come in between, or the bodyguard loitering in the area (that your father insists should always be around) would have to come to your rescue and whisk you away.

"don't be so nervous, sister," mick mutters, appearing next to you with his hands in his pockets. "i'm sure the duke of florida would not be any worse than the other men that have had a go at asking for your hand. otherwise, mother would have never let him stay here with us."

you take a deep breath. "what if he's another," you look around and lean into mick, "loser? what am i to do then?"

mick shrugs with a soft chuckle. he lifts his elbow and offers it to you, gesturing at the stairwell. "then you tell father and i - we shall take care of the rest for you, princess," he taps your hand when you grab onto his arm, "let's go?"

you nod and let your younger brother guide you down the stairs.

"ah, sweetheart, good morning," your father grins when he takes notice of your presence, stretching out an arm to you. mick drops his arm when you approach your father, throwing yourself into his body for a hug. "is something wrong?"

"i no longer feel like being an heiress to the throne," you mutter softly, avoiding the daggers that your mother is shooting at you next to the older man in front of you. you sigh when he pinches your cheek gently. "just a little tired."

he laughs, patting your back lightly. "you will be okay. the first day is always the best." he looks at your mother. "come on, love. cut her some slack."

"yeah, mother," you smile teasingly, peeking at your mother. "what if the duke of florida actually turns out to be a creep this time? i would be the first to say 'i told you so'."

"not before me, i hope," mick mutters from the window sill, covered by the blinds that shield your entryway from the outside. "i think he's here, sister."

"are you sure?"

mick lifts the curtain from his body and turns to you with a frown. "are you expecting any other royal company?"

"i ought to shave your head in your sleep one night, you know," you bicker. you take a deep breath and pick up your skirt and petticoat from the ground.

you turn around and glance at sabine, hiding shyly behind the door to the study down the hall. she gives you a thumbs-up while you sigh and turn back to the door.

"laila," you sigh, your hand slightly coming out to beckon for her to come towards you. "you stayed up with sabine looking into this guy, i hope?"

"yes, princess," she nods firmly, glancing at mick by the window. "he looks decent. but again, pictures on the internet and interviews can only say so much about a person."

"that's what he is here for - to show you who he is," your father smiles, gesturing towards the door.

you take a step back as the grand doors are pulled open for you. you squint your eyes at the sudden brightness of the sun outside and you hold a hand above your eyes to shield yourself away from the sun.

in fact, there's now a carriage pulling up to the front porch steps of the main building in the palace you call home. you step outside, followed shortly by mick and then your parents.

the carriage comes to a stop, catching your breath in your throat as you anticipate who, or what, will walk out to greet you. perhaps you should have let yourself indulge in the google search that your brother did with your best friends.

two men walk out first, and of course you know that neither of them is the man who will potentially ask for your hand. until a young man steps out, sandy brown hair and a polite smile on his face. he catches your eye and does a bow to acknowledge you.

"i suppose he does not look so bad," you mutter under your breath, leaning towards laila who stands slightly behind you. "he looks... like he would be a normal guy."

"i hate to break it to you, sister," mick mutters under his breath.

you hum in response, unsure of what he means. then he takes a step aside from the door while he readjusts the sleeves of his dark orange suit. another man steps out of the carriage, sporting a royal blue motif with the weirdest mix of brunette-blonde for a hair colour. you make a mental note to ask him if he's done anything to his hair as a conversation starter.

"but that's the duke of florida," laila follows up softly. "we've got no idea who the other man is."

your mother takes a step forward with her chin high in the air. she passes you as she starts greeting the two young men. "welcome!"

you turn to your father. "who the hell is that? why are there two of them?" you turn back to the carriage where your mother is now making their acquaintance. "is this a prank, father?"

to which, he only shrugs. "i intend to find out as much as you, princess."

he puts a hand on your shoulder to urge you towards the steps to greet them. as you step down, you can hear mick chuckling. "quite a situation you've gotten yourself into, sister. two suitors at the same time?"

"they fight at dawn on the last day for her hand," laila jokes softly enough for only mick and yourself to hear.

you swat at them from the back of your skirt to hush their giggles, slowly coming to a stop where the men gathered.

"sweetheart," your mother beams, walking over to you. she wraps a hand around your arm and pulls you with her to take a step forward to them. "introduce yourself."

"princess," the unnamed man in dark orange greets you with a small smile. "pleasure to make your acquaintance. prince of australia; i'm oscar."

"ah," you grab your skirt and move your feet in front of the other, "pleasure to make your acquaintance."

the prince of australia - oscar, nudges his friend forward. he straightens his back and gives you a smile, and you notice the way his green eyes sparkle as they stare into yours.

"duke of florida," he whispers, "i'm logan. thank you for having me."

he bends slightly and presents his hand right by yours. you press your lips together as you lift it slightly, just enough to give him the green light to take your hand into his.

you're pleasantly surprised when he presses a kiss to your gloved hand. "i hope i don't waste your time, princess."

you smile as you prepare yourself for another curtsy before he shakes his head. he puts your hand down gently, resting in on your skirt before taking a respectful step back. "you're the princess," he smiles. "no need for that."

you nod. "i'm sure your travel had been longwinded and exhausting. care for some refreshments?"

god of war: ragnarok starters

may contain spoilers !

❝ trust? you have broken my trust. ❞ ❝ you seemed troubled in your sleep, even for you. nightmares? ❞   ❝ if you’re not fighting dirty, you’re not fighting, right? ❞   ❝ the worst is still ahead of us. we must be strong. ❞   ❝ it’s times like this i really miss home. ❞ ❝ you must live with your deeds, but do not be troubled by them. ❞ ❝ you don’t strike me as someone who fears death. ❞ ❝ that is not who i am anymore. ❞   ❝ the problem doesn’t have to reach our doorstop to be our responsibility. ❞   ❝ please don’t make me do this. ❞   ❝ the storm is getting worse. ❞   ❝ i’d offer you a hug, but why traumatise either of us further. ❞   ❝ whatever anger you’re feeling, whatever loathing toward me...it’s nothing to what i’ve said to myself. ❞   ❝ i know the hate that burns you from within. i’ve felt those flames...known the comfort of their warmth. ❞   ❝ i do not need you to protect me. ❞   ❝ be glad you have a home to remember fondly. ❞   ❝ you’ve come a long way since i first met you. ❞   ❝ the pain only grows. will i ever be free of it? ❞ ❝ i need you...i can’t do this by myself. ❞   ❝ got a case of pride, i get it. hope yours clears up quicker than mine did. ❞   ❝ you were given an impossible problem. do not blame yourself for failing to solve it. ❞ ❝ you speak of your deeds with shame. ❞ ❝ i wronged you. and i cannot change that...and can never apologise enough for it. ❞   ❝ we do not know what lies ahead. i wish to enjoy the time we have left. ❞   ❝ there is no need to shoulder this burden on your own. ❞   ❝ i suppose that’s all any of us can hope for in the end. that our death has purpose. ❞   ❝ i don’t need to hear about your mistakes. i’ve made enough of my own, thanks. ❞   ❝ some free advice? you don’t want to let anyone catch you talking to your sword. ❞   ❝ you reek of cheap mead and that is by far your most endearing characteristic. ❞   ❝ i expected you to come and find me. that no matter how hurt or angry, you wouldn’t abandon me when i needed you the most. ❞   ❝ you started this fight --- i will end it. ❞   ❝ you don’t have to do this kinda stuff just to keep my mind off things. ❞   ❝ could i ever think of this place as home again? after all that’s happened? ❞   ❝ all too often, people are blinded to all but their immediate self-interest. ❞ ❝ not exactly a calming presence, are you? ❞ ❝ know that all reigns end, and all empires fall. ❞ ❝ do not doubt the lengths i will go to. ❞ ❝ so much has been taken from me and i’m supposed to let it all go? ❞   ❝ if you don’t think i could lead us, just say so. ❞ ❝ i’m not saying anything you haven’t thought. ❞ ❝ there’s no making this right, is there? ❞ ❝ love should be---could be---stronger than hatred. ❞ ❝ it seems to me we share a common enemy. ❞ ❝ i know how bad it can get with one’s own kin. ❞ ❝ seems the only thing i can do right these days is destroy everything around me. ❞ ❝ i am haunted by your incompetence. it keeps me up at night. ❞ ❝ so i’m not allowed to give you a nickname? ❞ ❝ oooh, getting nosey. getting personal. ❞ ❝ that’s the most dangerous and irresponsible thing i’ve ever heard. ❞ ❝ i haven’t given up hope on you. ❞ ❝ i had hoped my days of ceaseless battles were over. ❞ ❝ to grieve deeply is to love fully. ❞ ❝ the truth is always more complicated. to imagine it’s simple is dangerous. ❞   ❝ you're a killer, just like your father. ❞ ❝ you think you just get to walk away? ❞   ❝ uh...someone’ll clean that up. ❞ ❝ i dont know if we’re breaking fate, or fate’s breaking us. ❞ ❝ how can you, of anyone alive, be squeamish about war? ❞ ❝ oh, wow...that’s quite the compliment. ❞ ❝ i grow tired of your lack of empathy. ❞ ❝ to abandon a poisonous path and walk another is no small challenge. ❞   ❝ can i get you a water or something? ❞ ❝ confronting the past comes with a price. ❞ ❝ i want things to be the way they were. ❞ ❝ being in love’s always a risk. that’s what makes it fun. ❞ ❝ i was always fond of our talks, you know. ❞ ❝ curiosity’s all well and good...but so’s privacy, yes? ❞ ❝ whatever you ask, consider it done. i am forever in your debt. ❞ ❝ what’s the biggest thing you’ve ever fought? ❞ ❝ so...was this all that you hoped for? ❞ ❝ the closer we get, the more tightness grows in my chest. ❞ ❝ your path leads to countless deaths. unimaginable pain and suffering. ❞ ❝ can’t you take a joke, you old goat? ❞ ❝ everyone takes it easy on you because they’re scared of your father. ❞ ❝ that’s family.    you got to keep them close where they can make you good and crazy. ❞ ❝ maybe, for the moment, you’re of more use to me alive. ❞ ❝ look at the ruins before you and understand the truth: this was your doing. ❞ ❝ forgive me. my words were chosen carelessly. ❞ ❝ my success does not come from luck. ❞ ❝ just shut up and drink. ❞ ❝ no matter the size, every creature has a weakness. ❞ ❝ sometimes we never really know the ones we love. ❞ ❝ tell me about your homeland. ❞ ❝ leadership? not really my strong suit, let’s be honest. ❞ ❝ what am i gonna do, walk around with a bandage on my head, begging for attention? ❞ ❝ why are you so bent on hurting me like this? i’ve done nothing to you. ❞ ❝ you seem like a calm and reasonable person.      are you a calm and reasonable person? ❞ ❝ i’ve seen my fair share of bloodshed, but this is an awful lot for one morning. ❞ ❝ if you’re planning on killing me, at least let me finish this song. ❞ ❝ everywhere i look, i am reminded of my mistakes. ❞ ❝ i have seen many lands. many realms. i can tell you with some certainty: no such paradise exists. ❞ ❝ do something about it or shut up already. ❞ ❝ breaking tension with humour is the sacred duty of a travelling companion. ❞ ❝ forgiveness can be powerful. even for the unworthy. ❞ ❝ you have no idea the kind of shit i’ve been through. ❞ ❝ our actions have consequences. to be reminded of them is not a punishment. ❞ ❝ take the hint. go away. ❞ ❝ something is on your mind. what is it? ❞ ❝ what a twisted little soul you have. ❞ ❝ your eyes say everything. ❞ ❝ me and you against the world, huh? just like the old days. ❞ ❝ there is no making things right. only better than they were. ❞ ❝ without me? i thought we were partners. ❞ ❝ this will end in blood. the only question that remains is which side is willing to spill more. ❞ ❝ i have lost myself before. more than once. ❞ ❝ you cannot sneak up on me like that. ❞ ❝ is it always moral to kill something that’s trying to kill you? ❞ ❝ we’ve gotta be more than a bunch of stories with our endings already written. ❞ ❝ the smell is making my eyes burn. ❞ ❝ you are staring... ❞ ❝ even the brightest among us carry darkness. ❞ ❝ anyone ever tell you that you babble when you’re terrified? ❞ ❝ every path i walk...leads back to vengeance. ❞ ❝ maybe our families are just meant to be enemies. ❞ ❝ i know how it feels...to lose a parent. ❞ ❝ your love of this place...i can feel it. anyone can. ❞ ❝ what you can do is get the fuck out of my sight. ❞ ❝ it was stupid of me to hope in the first place. ❞ ❝ is that regret in your voice? ❞ ❝ there are things even gods cannot control. ❞ ❝ you don’t care about anyone beyond yourself. ❞ ❝ say something. i enjoy hearing your voice. ❞ ❝ does it frighten you? that is why you must do it. ❞ ❝ the dumb doesn’t fall far from the tree. ❞ ❝ you’re quite agitated, even for you. ❞ ❝ ain’t you never seen a legend in the flesh before? ❞ ❝ you are one of the few i would call a ‘friend’. ❞ ❝ this place is kinda pretty, when things aren’t trying to kill us. ❞ ❝ i find the hues and shades of your shortcomings almost moving. ❞ ❝ i still might kill you when this is over. ❞ ❝ i wish i could do more, i really do. ❞ ❝ do you ever have those moments where you wish you could...go back? rewrite your own past, make different decisions. ❞ ❝ do you want me to stop talking about your muscles? ❞ ❝ you are a formidable warrior, but even more than that, you have a good heart. ❞ ❝ this world takes more strength than it gave me. ❞ ❝ i’m trying to save your life, you big jerk. ❞ ❝ at least something out here doesn’t wanna kill me. ❞ ❝ i’ll just say it. i’m getting a really terrible feeling from this place. ❞ ❝ violence changes us. you are not weak to feel its effects. ❞ ❝ i’ve always loved you, you know. ❞ ❝ what side are you on anyway? ❞ ❝ everything was fine until you showed up. ❞ ❝ i have been...falling back into my old ways. angry. distrustful. ❞ ❝ one day, you will have to survive. without me. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to like me but...we’re gonna have to trust each other. ❞ ❝ you think war drives me? or power? wealth? no. never has. ❞ ❝ and they say i’m the bad guy. ❞ ❝ you feel it in the air, don’t you? the anxiety. ❞ ❝ i’m not being weird, you’re being weird. ❞ ❝ sure you’re up for breaking the rules like this? ❞ ❝ doubt is a weakness we cannot afford. ❞ ❝ mm. i do not like riddles. ❞ ❝ it just seems like a lot for someone your age. ❞ ❝ use the judgement of a man and not of a child. ❞ ❝ so what are we supposed to do? roll over? do nothing? ❞ ❝ war will not give you the purpose you seek. ❞ ❝ nasty hit! are you alright? ❞ ❝ well, glad you survived the first day. ❞ ❝ what do you think? is there a right side in this war? ❞ ❝ didn’t you ever have an awkward phase in your youth? ❞ ❝ you will not find me good company. ❞ ❝ how about we just don’t kill each other? ❞ ❝ what have your promises ever been worth? ❞ ❝ why would you come this way alone? ❞ ❝ leave now, whether you value your life or peace in your death. ❞ ❝ i put you in so much pain. put you in a terrible situation. ❞ ❝ the most difficult battles are fought within. ❞ ❝ it’s not my job to teach you everything. ❞ ❝ thanks for patching me up. ❞ ❝ loss can do things to a man. ❞ ❝ i don’t know why i thought i could do this alone. ❞ ❝ i will do what it takes to keep you safe. ❞ ❝ a desperate creature can be the most dangerous. ❞ ❝ you’re just sharing your thoughts on a subject you know nothing about. ❞ ❝ this isn’t who you want to be. ❞ ❝ i knew this was going too smoothly. ❞ ❝ can one man do this much damage? ❞ ❝ this is your final warning. ❞ ❝ you have a lot of nerve, know that? ❞ ❝ i am counting on you. to be safe. to be smart. ❞ ❝ uh, maybe that’s not a good idea? ❞ ❝ well, that was violent. ❞ ❝ don’t go to too much trouble on my account. ❞ ❝ are you not a soldier? are you not a leader of people? ❞ ❝ just when i thought you couldn’t get even more godly. ❞ ❝ do you wish to speak of what happened? ❞ ❝ you have no hold on me any more. ❞ ❝ have you ever been in love? ❞ ❝ mind if i give you the best advice you’ve heard all day and possibly ever? sleep. ❞ ❝ you’ll have my wise and faithful counsel always. ❞ ❝ look, i just want to do the right thing. ❞ ❝ all i ask for is a good night’s rest. ❞ ❝ you’re angry with me, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ we live in strange times. ❞ ❝ do you hear that? i thought i heard a voice. ❞ ❝ any outsider is considered a threat. ❞ ❝ it is not always wrong to trust people. ❞ ❝ never thought i’d be so relieved to be back here. ❞ ❝ well, we all make mistakes. ❞ ❝ this is the craziest thing i’ve ever done. ❞ ❝ when we get out of here, i’ll give you some space. ❞ ❝ violence cannot prevent violence. ❞ ❝ the truth can be a cruel thing. ❞ ❝ defy your prophecy at your own peril. ❞ ❝ i must say, i think we make a good team. ❞ ❝ where would you even be without me? ❞ ❝ calm your mind. control it. ❞ ❝ you look...weirder than i imagined. ❞ ❝ we must tread carefully. danger is close. ❞ ❝ there are worse things to discover about someone you love. ❞ ❝ i know how it feels to be wronged. ❞ ❝ did you just wake up with the urge to be a pain in my ass? ❞ ❝ is it revenge if justice is served? ❞ ❝ sometimes there is no other way. ❞ ❝ all journeys come to an end. ❞ ❝ you’re the first person that i’ve talked to in a really long time. ❞ ❝ i’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment. ❞ ❝ so...do you forgive me? ❞ ❝ sorry, i’m just really excited to talk to you. ❞ ❝ is there any way to stop fate? ❞ ❝ it would be the first time in a while i have something truly mine. ❞ ❝ the earth is the reflection of those who tend it. ❞ ❝ i have to say. i am profoundly unimpressed. ❞ ❝ i did not come to you for a lecture. ❞ ❝ perhaps there is a measure of monster inside us all. ❞ ❝ i was about to look for you. ❞ ❝ i said we would speak no more of that. ❞ ❝ peace cannot endure without force to protect it. ❞ ❝ what is it you will not tell me? ❞ ❝ where has everyone gone, i wonder? ❞ ❝ i suppose we’re all entitled to walk our own paths. regardless of where they end. ❞ ❝ you are in way over your head. ❞ ❝ so much about that day i wish i could change. ❞ ❝ it is difficult to seek forgiveness when you feel unworthy. ❞ ❝ i don’t recall asking you to come along. ❞ ❝ don’t you know who i am? ❞ ❝ real power does not need to flaunt. it emerges when the time is right. ❞ ❝ i don’t move, you don’t move. don’t do anything you’ll regret. ❞ ❝ sorry we got off on the wrong foot there. ❞ ❝ i meant it when i said you’re not a prisoner here. ❞ ❝ the culmination of love is grief, and still we open our hearts to the inevitable. ❞ ❝ why aren’t we working together? ❞ ❝ maybe together we can take back what’s ours. ❞ ❝ you don’t hear me spreading your business all around town, do you? ❞ ❝ you judge me? you? ❞ ❝ you think i’m being stupid. ❞ ❝ go before i change my mind. ❞ ❝ you deserve nothing but pain. ❞ ❝ always expect the unexpected. ❞ ❝ don’t go telling anyone about that. ❞ ❝ i shouldn’t have listened to you. ❞ ❝ you think my anger is irrational? ❞ ❝ prophecies are slippery by nature. ❞ ❝ seek no quarrel with me, and i’ll have no quarrel with you. ❞ ❝ you’re a destroyer, like me. ❞ ❝ you think i’m trouble? you just met me. ❞ ❝ not sure that makes me feel any better... ❞ ❝ let me see the monster inside. ❞ ❝ i know what you’re doing.     trying to play on my sympathies in the hope i let you live. ❞ ❝ i do not want you to feel alone. ❞ ❝ the mistakes of the past need not be repeated. ❞ ❝ never mind...i shouldn’t have asked. ❞ ❝ i regret many things. killing you will not be one of them. ❞ ❝ do you believe in fate? ❞ ❝ you can’t kill what you can’t catch. ❞ ❝ i just could use some fresh air, is all. ❞ ❝ i told you never to come back here. ❞  

a collection of angsty quotes that reminded me of vaggie. inspired by @ lookinginsidemymind on tiktok.

“i think i was born to sting,”

but i don't mean to.”

“im not a violent dog. i dont know why i bite”

“how the absence of someone can feel like the absence of myself.”

“wish you were here. you could tell me what to do.”

“i am angry, i am unlovable. i am mostly afraid those things are true.”

“please stop yelling at me please scratch my back please stick up for me in a conversation i am listening to from the top of the stairs. you are my girlfriend, act like it”

“i wear the army's anger like a hand-me-down. the hotel says it does not look good on me”

“i do not know how to love something without sinking my teeth into it”

“i am the girl screaming. i am also the girl begging to not be screamed at.”

“what if i become angry like my past self. what if i already have?”

“i would do anything to become someone worth keeping around”

“why are you running away?”

“i must search every corner of the world to search for the girl i once was. to get rid of her, once and for all”

“i am so adam's top girl it hurts. can you tell?”

“i love you.”

“sometimes, i think love and violence are the same”

“if my past was a tooth, id tie a string around it and slam the door on those memories.”

“but it is not. i cannot.”

“i am flying way too close to the sun and id like to say the heat burning my skin makes me feel alive but i really just want the blisters to prove ive been hurt”

“i am messy. everything i let go of has claw marks. i am stubborn. i have never met a hill i wouldn't die on”

“i've been holding onto this grief so long it feels as familiar as the turns into my neighborhood when i've fallen asleep in the car.”

“i want to wake up now. i want to let it go”

“how could i forget? does the tree forget the axe?”

“i stuffed myself into this cocoon. now i beg for transformation”

“thank you for putting flowers in my messy room im sorry for making you mad at me i didn't mean to but unfortunately there's something wrong with me”

“im trying my best im trying my best that's all i can do”

“sometimes this girl's best is judging everyone else to distract herself from the fact that she hates herself more than she could ever hate anything else”

“i love like a dog. not in the cute, fluffy way; in the discarded, disgusting mutt way. i whine for any scraps of affection i am given”

“sometimes, you are so accustomed to hate you cannot fathom love. you reject it.”

“i don't think my creator knows my favorite color. or my birthday.”

“i wish i could look at myself in the mirror without crying”

“i love you with what in me is unfinished; i love you with what in me is still changing”

“someday i will sail away from the shame i carry. for now, i am merely a passenger”

“you're holding onto something that doesn't exist anymore”

“unclench your fists.”

“this grief isnt tangible but oh god how i can feel it”

“this is an automated message, please don't reply. we are calling in regard to your father”

“we mean your creator. we mean the man that raised you. we mean the man that said he raised you.”

“sorry, we dont know what we mean, because you don't know what we mean”

“we apologize for any miswording. we apologize the way they will never apologize. when will you accept that?”

“sometimes i dont want to get better just to show you how bad it was”

“i am afraid that if i open myself i will not be able to stop pouring. why do i fear becoming a river? what mountain gave me such shame?”

“you keep asking if i would die for you. i keep asking why you want me dead”

“good enough to grab. they always put me back, though. 🐟”

“im sorry for saying sorry”

i just want you to know that i read... i think Most of godfeels and had to stop because i was not enjoying it. but i think its really good and i really respect what you do. i think it's all too easy for people to mix up "this is not my cup of tea" with "this is bad and/or problematic". they dont take the time to see the artistry in it, why it is what it is, what it might be saying beyond their surface level read and the kneejerk reaction to it.

i also wanted to note that ive always been kind of scared of sharing fanworks for fear of writing "out of character" - and ive also even been afraid of it in original works. character isn't real and concrete, so anyone can decide something's out of character. so your exploration of that concept gives me more confidence as a writer. i really appreciate that and everything else you do. :)

thank you so much for this message! i'm glad you tapped out rather than force your way through something you weren't enjoying, that's a very mature response and something i wish more folks would recognize as a perfectly valid option. in fact i think pushing through and reading long after you've given up on the material, so to speak, is a great way to wind up angry at a writer for having "forced" you to endure such a trying experience. as i've said before, an author can't force you to do anything. you can close the book any time you like.

as far as the tension of "in character/out of character" goes, i think a lot of people in fandom struggle with the fact that "character" is very much in the eye of the beholder. sub-groups form within fandoms based on identities, politics, sexual predilections, etc, and typically gather around the fire that is their particular interpretation of a character. but from within that sub-group, it's rarely considered "an interpretation" so much as the obvious intended truth of the text. it's that intoxicating mood of finding people who share a perspective you rarely see elsewhere, like oh my god, you GET it, finally someone GETS it!

in homestuck fandom, for instance, quite a lot of people hate vriska and think she sucks, with a vocal sub-group of that sub-group still actively beating the drum that everything about her arc after [S] Game Over is the worst part of homestuck. but i love vriska, and my corner of the fandom very much organized around a full-throated defense of her. some folks think homestuck did tavros and gamzee dirty and that this is a fatal flaw in the text; when i countenance these people, i am convinced we read two very different comics. who's right and who's wrong? there are degrees. i can pull out any number of quotes from andrew hussie about the importance of vriska and the weenieness of tavros, but then, authors love to say things, and there's plenty of stories i love in ways that directly oppose to the authors' stated intent. the debate can never end because we are only ever talking about the version of a character or story that exists in our heads, based on the things that stuck with us when we read the thing (however long ago that was-- which is important because i find a LOT of people adamantly defending their headcanons haven't read the source text in a number of years. as time passes, your perception of the media you've experienced in the past morphs and distorts. someone who was right five years ago can be wrong today and not even notice the difference).

something i've realized in the last year is how much godfeels emerged from a very specific milieu, not just in terms of how we interpreted certain characters but in our approach to analyzing and talking about the text altogether. i believe most of the important stuff in godfeels is "in character" in most of the ways that matter, but it's built on a very specific meta that centered vrisrezi and transness and radical leftist politics and experimental hypertext. really, it's a post-Epilogues fanwork even despite the fact that godfeels 1 predates their release by a few weeks. and i think to this day a lot of homestuck fans haven't read the epilogues but have read fandom posts about how terrible they are (quite a lot of which will have either been written by teens, by people who already didn't like homestuck very much, or by one of the regressive stalkery weirdos prominent in the homestuck reddit/discord), and that misapprehension keeps them in the dark about just how many amazing tools the epilogues introduce to the homestuck formula that exponentially expand the expressive possibilities of attentive fanworks. and it of course elides the fact that the homestuck epilogues are a story about being in your 30s. i think we'll be getting a big re-appraisal of the epilogues in 5-10 years. it'll be the "twin peaks: fire walk with me" of homestuck, just you wait.

so these readers see my version of dirk being an unhinged murderous dick to a newly-out trans woman and go "he would never do that." then if i point at the epilogues, they'll say "i didn't read them/they're not even canon/that wasn't in character either." at which point there's nothing really to say, because we have two completely different perceptions of the text. who's right and who's wrong is almost always infinitely subjective, a circumstance that humans are notable for being very good at handling in a mature and politely discursive manner.

so i've got an "author's introduction" to godfeels baking in my docs to provide some context about the meta this story is built on, the milieu it came out of, that sort of thing. it won't make much of a difference in practical terms, but it'll at least be something i can point to.

in any event, thanks for this message. all i ever want is for people to give it an honest shot. i hope you can continue harvesting confidence from wherever it can be found. it takes a lot of audacity and backbone to be an artist, especially when you have something worthwhile to say. remember that you're not writing for the haters, you're writing for the kind of person, like you, who wants to see more stories like the thing you're writing. they're the ones who'll get it, they're the ones who'll stick around long after the haters have lost interest.

HAI!! i loved your works of where reader runs away and stuff when shes pregnant and all, and then the men find her and so on, if you get what i mean ahah. i was wondering if i could get a version of that with blade? not sure if it was already done, but if it was, i'm unable to find it,, my blade loving heart needs this ahh. its perfectly fine if you dont wanna write it, no pressure!! have a wonderful day <3

Hello!! I am Very happy to write this for you, thank you for the request! Blade deserves some love too doesn’t he?

Cw! Kidnapping, unhealthy relationship, pregnancy

-Pregnant!reader runs away from Blade-

Who could blame you for thinking Blade would be upset to find out you were pregnant? He was dedicated to what he did. He was a cold-blooded monster. He didn’t have time for kids. Or an interest in having them, as far as you could tell. So you ran. He awoke to an empty bed, and he reached out and touched your pillow, but that was about the extent of his visible grief. The truth was he did miss you. But he determined that you ran away because you were done with him. Tired of his violent tendencies, his coldness, his inability to connect with you. Yeah. He knew your relationship was doomed from the start, it’s amazing that it lasted this long. So he doesn’t pursue you. Doesn’t look for you. He focuses on his work for Elio instead, thinking maybe it’ll help keep his mind off of you. But all he feels is colder. Emptier, without you by his side. And he thinks he knows why you left, and yet a part of him still desires that closure, longs to hear you say you hate him and never wish to see him again. He probably doesn’t even notice how badly your separation was affecting his work. Until a few years pass, and Elio orders Kafka to bring you back (without Blade’s knowledge, of course), so as to reunite the two of you. And fix Blade’s performance problems… A few hours later, she’s dragging you by the wrist into Stellaron HQ. And in her other hand she’s gripping the wrist of a small child. “Bladie!” she calls out sweetly. “I brought your little family back!” And when he steps in to see what Kafka could possibly be talking about, his eyes widen and he stiffens. You. You’re back. Against your will but you’re back! He can’t believe himself. He walks up to you, Kafka releases you, and he pulls you into a hug. “Do you…hate me?” is the first thing he asks you. It’s cold and direct and so like Blade. “No…” you sigh. He’s squeezing you so tightly. Blade never really touched you before. It was unfamiliar, but almost a little bit nice, if you weren’t just kidnapped and forced to come back to him. Kafka had made it very clear you were not allowed to leave, ever again. “Don’t forget this little one,” Kafka grins, and Blade lets you go to see what she was referring to. Your child. With beautiful, dark hair reminiscent of his. He doesn’t ask who’s child that is. The little girl is staring at him with wide, scared eyes, and she’s struggling to get out of Kafka’s grasp, to no avail. “Let her go,” Blade orders, much to your relief. Kafka had a strong grip, if she was hurting you, you could only imagine how your daughter was feeling. The little girl is terrified. “It’s alright…” you say calmly, trying to relax her. “This is our family,” and the words are forced and uncomfortable passing through your lips. You don’t want to be here. You don’t want to be back with Blade. But Kafka made it clear what would happen to your daughter if you tried to leave or tell Blade the truth of the situation. As far as he was concerned, Kafka brought you back because it was safer for you among the Stellaron Hunters, even if it was a little against your will, Blade would understand if it was for you and his daughter’s safety. Blade is staring at your daughter, then back to you. He’s almost smiling. He has you back, and while he doesn’t know how he feels about his daughter yet, he knows he’s going to take care of both of you. After all, that’s why you were here, right? To be protected? … You’re laying in your shared bed with Blade. He never touched you when you slept in the same bed before, but tonight his arm was wrapped around your waist, and his face was buried in your hair. “I missed you,” he breathes. “I promise to keep you, and our daughter, safe…” And you know he means it. But you don’t want to be here. Not with him. Not again. You can’t do it. But what choice do you have? Your daughter’s life is on the line. So you were stuck. With the Stellaron Hunters, with your ex, but it didn’t matter. You’d be strong. One day you and your daughter would escape…

honestly this whole admin situation is getting out of hand. Like specifically the qsmp fandom has become one of the most toxic groups I've ever seen. Like I understand the anger and frustration. I understand we want answers we want things to go how we want them to. But at the end of the day the admin situation is something that unfortunately can't be instantly resolved. Work issues like this will take a while to resolve. Especially of the union is involved.

I honestly dislike being apart of fandoms because of toxic people, like I want to enjoy stuff without being in the fandoms because all I see is negative things and hate. Sure what I'm seeing is understandable that we all are upset. But even when I block hashtags that have these topics I still have only seen mostly stuff about the admin issue and I am curious to where I wanna know what's going on. I should just leave because I feel this fandom is going to be too toxic.

I want to love it as it updates me on things like what's going on on the streams and has the best pictures that people take and the fanart/animations are amazing!

But it's just not healthy for me to be in the fandoms and I should fully leave the qsmp fandom, I again still gonna enjoy qsmp as long as it excists as it's the only server all these cc's mainly interact on and I love the bond that have been made because of the server, but I'm forcing myself to never cone back because I dont think this fandom will ever improve as harsh as I may be sounding.

To those who are in a similar feeling as I am, if u need to leave u should if this all is hurting u. Take time away if u wanna come back and if even getting into the content is not helping u take time to find other content to enjoy, we all need to handel this whole situation in a healthy way because being upset is understandable but at the end of the day we can't really do a lot and harrassing people won't help at all even if we want to see action being done fully, we don't know what's going on behind the scenes and so those who are staying.

Please think before u speak, please be kind to one another, and to those who makes art and shares pictures of moments, please continue, u all make my day when I see some positivity on the qsmp hashtag, i may never come back (depending on what's happening after a while) but there are others who may be staying and/or taking a break and need some nice things to look at.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm angry at anyone, I'm just tired of this all as much as u all are probability and I just want u all to remember that even tho action needs to be made and for us to know some info.

This isn't a easy issue to resolve as it has layers and the union being involved will be resolving it take more time and there may be legal reasons to not share what's happening. We don't know the full story and what's happening behind the scenes.

So if u need to relax I reccomend doing anything else until we know what's going on. We'll eventually get answers it'll just take longer than we think.

But if this is my last goodbye, I wish everyone luck and I'm sorry that this all is upsetting u, I am feeling as upset and stressed as u all may be feeling. Take care of yourself and know that things may seem like life will never get better but it will. It just will take time. Don't worry about what may not occur but just focus on the present as we can't predict things.

Here's a picture of my most fave egg, Richas to make u all smile even just a little bit.

But take car everyone and thank u for the positive community we all tried to make :)

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30

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

thank you so much, I shall answer these prompts NEOW

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

Oooohhh more fics involving Gwen, that's for sure. When she's written right she's one of the strongest, most relatable characters imo, 'cause all she wants is for the world to be right and just and kind and everything wants to prove her wrong, but she won't back down from her views. I would also adore more Elyan, just in general. And complete rewrites of the show 'cause the one I'm reading right now is so good I might do one as well. Also modern au's where they're all like secret badass spies or smth, 'cause those are so fucking cool (i am accepting fic recs for ALL of this, please feed me y'all)

24: Everyone knows that fandom doesn’t like uther but what are your feelings about gaius?

I think 1) we need more concrete info about how he was when he was younger, but 2) i think he is severely complicated and wanted what was best of merlin and morgana, but failed the two while also giving them a ton of love. With morgana, he just didnt want her to pursue her power lest she become uther's next victim, cuz gaius cares for the pendragon siblings like his own. With merlin, he was just trying his best with his overpowered nephew, who alos has a destiny regarding his people's genocide's son, and he just doesn't know what to do half the time, kinda like merlin. I didnt like how he lied to merlin n morgana, how he gaslit her and how he made merlin hide and become so anxious abt his magic (and we see what that looks like season 5), but i get it. I really get it. I dont know what i wouldve done if one wrong move could mean the death of two kids he considers his own. I bet he was scared all the time and hated himself for it.

27: Modern Merlin headcanons, if any?

OH BOY. OHHHH BOY. So many. It really depends on what au i have for modern merlin, but I'll give you a few generals:

he's a teacher of sorts; i like the idea that he's kinda collecting magical anomalies and teaching them how to understand their powers and being, since he knows what its like to be afraid of urself, so he's a personal magic teacher. I also rly like my magic elementary school au, since its merlin teaching magic to a bunch of kids, which is adorable

he has officially one cat, a black one called Midnight, that accidentally became immortal along the way and now hes severally attached. I say officially since hes also friends with any other animal that he might come across and they recognise him if he passes them again. disney princess fr

he's figured out his gender and he can turn into a woman if he wants; she looks exactly like merlin, same height, same weight n muscles, the hair is longer cuz merlin likes it that way and her voice is deep and gorgeous

his favourite weapon is a staff or any long distance fighting weapon of the sort; also he looks cool as fuck fighting with it, but thats just a bonus

I'll stop here but i have SO MANY MORE

30: Side character death that makes you the maddest?

Elyan. There was, quite literally, no need for it. I was gonna say Lancelot, since we did not get enough of him, but his death made sense for his character. Elyan? What the fuck was that? It was just for pain and nothing else. What did it add to the story if not just a sad funeral scene and thats it? It just felt like they wanted him gone n found a way, and that pisses me off. I feel like him saving gwen and living would've given such a complex situation when she turns evil, 'cause what if she "confides" more n more in her brother, creating a rift between arthur n elyan, which then creates a rift between arthur n the knights, which would just isolate him further n make him suffer, which is what morgana wanted!! we couldve had protective brother elyan! I think i just wanted more knights in general.

Thank you so much for this ask, I yapped a fuck ton but it was funn