I dunno if it’s because I marathoned the last 4 episodes last night at midnight while high but through all of the drama of the show this was the moment that had me in tears:

I don’t know if its:

a) the way Yoon Won realizes what she did in asking two people who’d just experienced something extremely traumatic to come in and spell it out for her for the sake of the surf club (a thing that is mainly her own personal investment at this point)

b) the way she breaks down afterwards about everything going wrong in her life (student loans, job rejections) I assume she thinks she deserves it for being so awful as to ask people to recount their trauma for her benefit

c) the way Jae Won, who up until this point has been spiralling, snaps out of it for just a second to comfort her

anyway it was a great scene.

Please tell me all the reasons xxc and nmj wouldn't get along, I'd love to hear that as a rant

I kept meaning to get back to this one and then forgetting and then going "oh I should answer that" and then going "but I don't want to be too bitchy" and then - and anyway that's why this took me like two months to answer.

basing this more on novel canon than cql, because that's where I tend to see the comparison being made more often, I think because they're more directly in contact in one specific scene.

so I think why people say this is basically because they see nie mingjue's "xue yang must be punished/killed" and xiao xingchen's "xue yang must be punished/killed" and also look at nie mingjue's relationship to jin guangyao and xiao xingchen's relationship to xue yang and go "oh so they're morally aligned and are parallel to each other :)" and that's just! not true!

for one thing, and I think this is something that gets lost a lot - xiao xingchen does not live within the hierarchy and structure of cultivation society at large, and is in fact not a huge fan of it. he and song lan are actively trying to do their own thing! that is part of xiao xingchen's problem specifically - he walks into great sect politics with the expectation of justice and runs headlong into, well, politics. and a big part of that is that he doesn't have a whole lot of respect for power if he sees that power as unjust or acting badly: despite pressure from the Jin, "neither coaxing nor coercion had budged Xiao Xingchen."

I think then people look at nie mingjue's showing up and arguing for the same and take those two things as equivalent, but they really aren't, because while nie mingjue is younger than jin guangshan and therefore owes him respect in that sense, he is also a sect leader and approaching from a far more equal position, which is why he can get away with actively threatening violence in a way that xiao xingchen...couldn't. nie mingjue has power, even if it ends up not working for him; xiao xingchen doesn't.

furthermore, I think another important distinction between the two of them is around the question of violence. specifically in the scene around xue yang's initial trial (ish), the distinction between xiao xingchen's bringing xue yang back to jinlintai to ask for him to be punished (by the sect whose responsibility he is), versus nie mingjue's attempt at direct personal execution, including an attack on jin guangyao when he doesn't get his way. again, some of this is likely based on power dynamics (nie mingjue, again, is closer to equal status and therefore has more allowance to step into jin guangshan's affairs), but I think some of it is a difference in approach, too, and inclination. I think it's also notable that (at least in translation) xiao xingchen doesn't specifically say that xue yang should die ("severely punished" is the phrase), as opposed to nie mingjue going for outright beheading.

so I think presenting them as similar/aligned in this scene, basically, is overselling it.

it's not that I think they would hate each other, or anything. I just don't think they'd be friends, or particularly see each other as allies. xiao xingchen occupies a space outside of the social order; nie mingjue, I would argue, is deeply wedded to the social order as it stands. xiao xingchen has a loose sense of the importance of traditional hierarchies of power; nie mingjue is very much embedded in those hierarchies of power and believes in upholding them.

furthermore, looking at the nie mingjue/jin guangyao dynamic versus the xiao xingchen/xue yang dynamic, I think the idea that they're narrative parallels really falls apart. nie mingjue is jin guangyao's superior officer and continues to perceive himself as an authority over jin guangyao; it is his job to correct his behavior and discipline him as he sees fit. xue yang is a criminal that xiao xingchen apprehends, and xue yang turns around and takes revenge on him for interfering. the latter are much closer to equals, at least in the way they perceive each other, and xue yang's revenge on xiao xingchen is considerably less motivated by self-preservation.

they're just not similar except in terms of very specifically both having the opinion "xue yang must be punished" and being willing to push against jin guangshan to do something about it, which isn't a lot to build on for a relationship of any kind, and I have a hard time seeing them vibe personalitywise.

boy this got long. you did ask for a rant though so I guess you got one? climbing down off my soapbox now and going back to my yi city cave where I belong.

can't stop thinking about how the reason they never gave dean a kid is because it would fundamentally change the dynamic of the brothers. dean has always prioritized sam over everything but if he had a kid he might have to choose between them. he might have to prioritize someone over sam. and more importantly, he might have to prioritize himself. because sam is an adult who can survive without him but a kid needs their parent and therefore dean couldn't pull his usual self sacrificing bullshit. and they were never gonna alter the show that much but maybe they should have

If I be sane, then surely it is maddening to think that of all the foul things that lurk in this hateful place the Count is the least dreadful to me; that to him alone I can look for safety, even though this be only whilst I can serve his purpose. Great God! merciful God! Let me be calm, for out of that way lies madness indeed. [...] The Count's mysterious warning frightened me at the time; it frightens me more now when I think of it, for in future he has a fearful hold upon me. I shall fear to doubt what he may say!

Jonathan is very aware of the game Dracula is playing here. It's just like the wolves on the way to the castle (and in fact the way he wards the vampire ladies off is a direct echo of the gesture he used then): he presents himself and the places he has prepared for Jonathan as a welcome escape from greater and more uncontrolled/immediate dangers lurking in wait just outside. Jonathan fell for this trick that first night. He was glad to be inside rather than left alone in the cold and dark with howling wolves, despite his hesitance, and he let Dracula make him feel better. And doing so left him trapped inside this prison.

Now, he's well aware of what is happening, and doesn't want to fall for it again - yet in a way, he has no choice but to do so. The vampire ladies are an immediate and intense danger, but Dracula can keep them away. All Jonathan has to do is rely on him once again. In terms of movements, it restricts him more fully to the places Dracula has already set aside for him. That's bad enough, because those places are secure against escape already, so his prisoner status is even more solidified.

But the much greater danger here is what it might do to him mentally/emotionally. Jonathan knows he has no choice but to look to Dracula for safety, but he can't dwell on the thought without feeling like he's going mad. Because he knows just as well that he will only ever be 'safe' with Dracula so long as the Count wants, so long as he does exactly what the Count asks of him. He's so afraid at the thought that Dracula's hold over him will grow. He's already so smart and charming when he wants to be, manipulative and clever and sadistic. He's already playing at friendship and Jonathan has to doubt everything he says. Except now he finds himself having to doubt his own doubt, too, because maybe some warnings will be genuine. Maybe it will be better for him not to fight so hard against Dracula. Except if he stops doing that, he'll never stand any chance in the long run - but if he keeps trying so hard he'll never get to the long run.

He's completely trapped, and fully aware of it.

Jonathan’s line about Steve in vol 2 was so…. I don’t know. I mean yeah it straight up confirms that Nancy and Jonathan make fun of Steve behind his back, and like I get that I have never been in Nancy’s situation so obviously it seems more mortifying to me, but I would have felt so guilty in her place. I can’t imagine not shutting Jonathan up if he started shit talking about Steve. Like Steve would have been straight up unmentionable if I was Nancy. Idk.

I get that Duffers don’t treat their characters emotional lives seriously, but like. That’s why Robin being kind to Nancy in s5 despite Nancy’s uh.. well frankly appalling attitude towards Robin, makes zero sense to me. I really wanted Nancy to struggle being in Steve’s group. Not in the “she deserves it bhahaha” way, but like… Steve dumped his friends for her (which was good for him), and her expecting to get the same treatment and meeting Robin instead? Who actively dislikes her and for a good reason? Who is smart and cool and kind? That’s way more interesting than people kissing Nancy’s ass the whole season, while she is actively putting Max’s life in danger. Like, yeah in high school she is the chief editor of the newspaper, and at home she is the eldest sister, and with Jon she makes fun of Steve, and now none of these people are here, but Steve is here and so is his bestie. And Steve is as kind as always, but Robin dislikes her, and it is not just prejudice

Nancy Wheeler you wild girl! She has no guilt lmao She's like yeah steve was dumb and annoying and didn't enable my investigation, and jon goes yep, what an idiot. All while Steve is just like. bumpin around making friends with little nerds haha. Minding his own business blaming himself for the end of their relationship. You're right, it's kinda bonkers because even if we take the stance that Nancy didn't cheat (which I believe she did) like. she still had him as her second choice and as soon as he pushed back a bit and didn't give her the kind of support she wasn't telling him she needed (until talking about exposing the lab in the library where anyone could hear) she jumped ship and ran to Jonathan. Why would she want to talk about Steve? Why wouldn't she want to try to forget he ever existed as anything other than Mike's friend Dustin's older friend? Is that not weird for her?

(i think you might mean s4? but i can work with s5 too haha) It's so much more compelling to me to have Nancy and Robin at odds with each other because Robin is like a little guard chihuahua holding a grudge for Steve. She holds grudges so well let her do it more!! like jesus give him someone in his corner! And also for herself! She got so nervous and tried to explain and defend herself, and Nancy only really started to listen once they got into the hospital. Nancy has a not great plan that puts one of the kids in danger, one of the kids Steve is close to. (Max wrote him a letter!!) I think Robin would really see Steve's people as her people, even if she wasn't personally close to them she'd still feel comfortable around the younger teens because Steve is? Let robin be critical of this plan. Let her call it out or something. Give Nancy someone to push against, it's no fun if there's no resistance! I want Nancy to be the one wanting friendship with Robin, and Robin not being receptive to it. Nancy not having a relationship handed to her would be refreshing and I want to see how she'd try to win Robin's friendship.

Let Robin not want to work with Nancy because she's heard the rumours about how her and Steve ended, even though he only mentioned that he wasn't a good boyfriend ans wasn't what she needed so it didn't work out. Robin saw that one week Steve and Nancy had a fight, and a day later she was ditching with Jonathan? yeah something is fishy there to even the most socially oblivious person. Let Robin know Steve well enough that she knew he at least thought he was telling the truth but that there must have been more. Let Robin decide she was going to do the most cliche best friend thing and not be very nice to the ex that broke her bestie's heart.

ooooh anon what you're saying is so interesting because, yeah. Steve dumped Tommy and Carol for Nancy, and that was good for him, and then Nancy got with Jonathan who doesn't really have any friends in Hawkins. So she's always been her boyfriend's main person of similar age they're close to. But now Steve's got Robin. Who is funny and kind and weird and loyal and smart and sarcastic. Who is obsessed with Steve and who Steve is also obsessed with. And that, from a s5 stancy pov, is so interesting because now Nancy is now competing (in her mind) for her boyfriend/potential bf's attention with his best friend. Like Jonathan was focused on his family, obviously (and this caused strain for them too) but it's not the same socially as a best friend taking priority. Steve would still hold those relationships, because they're good for him and good for the others, and there's zero reason for him to abandon them this time.

I think Nancy would hate it. Like Steve would obviously give her tonnes of attention, but with him having actual close friendships not just with Robin but Dustin and Max (at least) too, she'd still feel like she was bartering for time with him. That is suuuuch a fun potential dynamic between nancy and steve and also nancy and steve's friends.

Cale and Impostor Syndrome

From discord, sent by @Jalffy22's dad, who apparently used Chatgpt… to diagnose Cale with Impostor Syndrome?? As well as my own thoughts on analysis on it.

Cale Henituse is a character from the popular Korean web novel series "Trash of the Count's Family" written by Yoo Ryeo Han. Impostor syndrome can be explained in the context of Cale Henituse and his journey within the story. Cale Henituse, as a character, experiences various aspects of Impostor Syndrome: Comparing Himself to Others: Throughout the story, Cale Henituse often finds himself comparing his abilities to those of other characters, especially his closest allies and mentors. This self-comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy, especially when he believes he falls short in comparison to powerful figures like Alberu Crossman or Raon Miru. Downplaying His Achievements: Despite his significant accomplishments, Cale often downplays his own achievements. He might attribute his successes to luck or the help of others, rather than acknowledging his own talents and efforts. Fear of Being Unmasked: Cale's reluctance to reveal his true identity as the "Trash of the Count's Family" can be seen as a manifestation of impostor syndrome. He fears being exposed as a fraud, even though he consistently takes on important roles and responsibilities within the story. Reluctance to Seek Help: Cale often hesitates to seek assistance or advice from others, even when he faces challenging situations. This hesitancy may stem from a belief that he should be able to handle everything on his own, contributing to his impostor syndrome. Setting Unrealistic Standards: Cale frequently sets high and often unrealistic standards for himself, striving for perfection in his decisions and actions. This tendency can lead to stress and burnout as he constantly pushes himself to be better. In the context of Cale Henituse and his experiences, here's how you can relate impostor syndrome to your passion for "Trash of the Count's Family" or to your own experiences: Recognize Your Achievements: Just as Cale should acknowledge his accomplishments, you should recognize and celebrate your own successes and contributions in your passion. Understand that your engagement and dedication are valuable. Embrace Learning: Accept that it's okay not to know everything about the story or the characters. "Trash of the Count's Family" is filled with intricate plotlines and characters, and it's natural to learn and grow along the way. Seek Support: Connect with other fans of the series who share your passion. Engaging with fellow enthusiasts can help you gain a deeper understanding of the story and characters, and it can provide valuable support. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. It's perfectly normal to have limitations and areas where you may not have all the answers or insights. Self-compassion can go a long way in alleviating feelings of impostor syndrome. Set Realistic Goals: Define achievable goals within your passion that align with your knowledge and interests. This will help you enjoy your journey while gradually building your expertise. Remember that impostor syndrome can affect anyone, even fictional characters like Cale Henituse. By recognizing your own worth and embracing your passion for "Trash of the Count's Family," you can overcome impostor syndrome and fully enjoy your involvement in the fandom.

***

Now, with the AI stuff out of the way… (Man it really feels like reading a medical textbook doesn't it? You can tell it was written by an AI…) Let's discuss what our dear AI told us about Impostor Syndrome, and how Cale is overcoming it throughout the story.

That aspect can be easily overlooked, even though Cale clearly experiences character growth as time goes on. Sure, it's snail-paced and it can be frustrating at times – but you can blame it all on the trauma. A 36-year-old man with a list of traumas long enough to fill a restaurant menu sure deserves to be given some slack for being a bit slow on the "healing" process.

Comparing Himself to Others vs Embracing Learning

Unlike what AI stated, Cale really doesn't compare himself to others all that much – at least not directly.

Cale is not the type to say, "I am a much worse person than Choi Han." Cale is the type to say, "My past is nothing interesting to talk about, really. Now Choi Han, he's such an admirable guy. He managed to stay a good guy despite all the hardships he suffered through. Might have been that good family influence he got in his childhood." Now, unless we know the information that Cale is ommitting here – the abuse at the hands of his uncle and a terrible childhood overall – we wouldn't know that by all this, Cale is actually saying "Choi Han is a better person than me, might have been because he was raised right and I wasn't." Thing is, I don't believe even Cale himself realizes that's what he's doing. He would probably deny it, if someone tried to confront him about him.

It is true, however, that Cale often insults himself, while praising others at the same time, in quite the hypocritical fashion. If Cale saves someone, he's doing it "because of self-serving reasons". If someone else saves someone, in his eyes, they're a good person. You can clearly see the pattern here.

However, the "embracing learning" comes in where Cale starts raising children, and they pick up his mannerisms and behaviour. Most of the time, Cale stays completely oblivious to his own influence. "Where did they learn that?" he asks, hilariously, while it's extremely obvious to the readers exactly where they learned it: YOU, CALE!!!

But Cale learns. He watches his children grow, he watches his allies grow, and he feels proud. He's accepting his role in their life as someone they deeply care about. Someone they wish to protect. He starts avoiding injuries for their sake. And sure, he still has those dumb moments of "Well I didn't even cough blood this time, do I really deserves this reward?", it doesn't change the fact that he's getting better at this. At being appreciated. …Worshipped? Heck no, he'll run as fast as he can in the opposite way. Appreciated by his family? He's getting better. Where he used to deny the kids head pats in the beginning, now he pets them all the time. He eats Raon's apple pie not just out of hunger, but because it's from his son, and it makes him feel better because of the connection. Slowly, he's leaving self-deprecation behind and embrances his family. It's incredibly heartwarming and sweet to watch 💖

Downplaying His Achievements vs Recognizing His Achievements

Yet another snail-paced progress we can observe, but it does exist nonetheless. Cale downplays his achievements mostly as a self-defense machenism. Taking that much responsibility on himself is SCARY. He said so himself right at the start of the novel: "Kim Rok Soo knew that the responsiblity for the lives of people is a very scary thing". …Funny how he keeps taking the initiative then, isn't it?? But despite all his denial, Cale isn't stupid. He knows exactly how much his actions changed the world; the scale of it is frightening. Nevertheless, he dismisses it all for the sake of his dream – becoming a slacker. He does not want the fame of a hero who saved everyone. He wants to rest!!! But, yet again, his family enters the picture here. Cale doesn't need to be the hero for them to love him. They are grateful for all he has done for them, but it's not a fanatical worship; it's love, thankfulness, appreciation. By the end of Part 1, Cale admits to Alberu and Eruhaben's faces that "he finally starts considering his own life a bit precious". That is a very big moment! It might seem like the lightest of concessions, but it's a huge step for someone like Cale!! See, he's growing!!! 👏

Fear of Being Unmasked vs Practicing Self-Compassion

Best example I can think of is when Cale's identity as Kim Rok Soo is revealed to Choi Han, and later on Raon and even Alberu. Cale did fear his identity being exposed, and for a good reason. You'd think that Choi Han being Korean himself would make things easier – but actually, it would only make things harder. Choi Han doesn't come from the same Korea as Kim Rok Soo. A lot has changed since he was on Earth. Cale revealing the monster apocalypse would involve a lot of vunerability. He also valued Choi Han's good opinion greaty, I think. Cale read the story of him and concluded that Choi Han was a "good guy". He respects him. No matter what he claims, Cale doesn't want Choi Han to think badly of him. In the Indignity Test, there was a moment where Cale reflected how much he did not want to get by the younger Choi Han or Raon – not because of the physical pain, but because of the emotional pain involved. He would feel incredibly shamed if Choi Han or Raon hated him. Because he cares about them both. So. Much.

And then, there's the Alberu reveal. It's surprisingly sincere. Alberu offers Cale the chance to explain himself, and promises to listen to everything without judgement. Cale is visibly shaken by the promise, but he believes him. It was such a precious scene!! That's where the self-compassion comes in. Cale is learning to be a bit kinder on himself than in the past. He's starting to trust his allies with vulnerability. When Cale uses Instant, he tells Raon how he's someone who can never forget and asks him to "not be like him". Because Cale's life is full of sacrifice and suffering, and he doesn't WANT others to be like him. But after that incident, he promises Raon to avoid hurting himself as much as possible when he captures the White Star with Embrace. His self-care is directly linked to his compassion towards his family, but it's there! It exists! Way to go, Cale!! 👏 (…Just don't stab yourself again, lol. I get that it was special circumstances, but still.)

Reluctance to Seek Help vs Seeking Support

Cale is such a paradox in this aspect. On one hand, he's a strategist – asking for help is his JOB. He wouldn't be able to achieve all he has if he never requested help. He asks people to do tasks for him all the time. On the other hand… whenever things go wrong, he's the one to handle the repercussions. Cale is the one to make the sacrifice whenever something unexpected happens.

For Cale, this is such a delicate balance. He wants to make sure everyone is always safe. He never allows them to face mortal danger without making a plan to let them all survive it. The time in the Empire, when the White Star used the Sky Attribute for the first time, Cale yells at everyone to run while he himself rushes towards danger. While it's very hypocritical, it's directily linked to his sense of responsibility for others. On the other hand, once everyone refuses to leave, we can see how excellent their teamwork is. And who taught them that?? Cale, of course!

It isn't that Cale doesn't ask for help. It's that whenever the scales tip and his group is in danger, he will do anything to light up their weight by taking it on his own shoulders. And like I said – it's an extremely delicate balance to walk. Like spider silk thin rope. One wrong step, and Cale could fall. Still… I think Cale is gaining experience in this as well, and so are his allies. They get stronger, and they understand Cale better. They're able to handle dangers without him being involved. It's a positive direction to grow for all of them, even if Cale is constantly unlucky enough to get himself into trouble like this… over and over and over 😅

Setting Unrealistic Standards vs Realistic Goals

Cale has one of the most simple, yet the most unrealistic dream ever imaginable. "To be a slacker". Which, if taken literally, would be the easiest thing. Just sit around, enjoy your wealth and do no work. Simple, right?

…Except, Cale's version of "slacker life" involves making sure the ENTIRE FREAKING UNIVERSE IS AT PEACE. 🤣🤣🤣 "So that no one bothers him or his family." That's… a bit difficult, isn't it??

So, Cale's dream is completely unrealistic, yet with the speed he's going at it, he might actually achieve it. Way to go, you madlad. Respect!!

However, with the help of Lee Soo Hyuk, aka. Sui Khan, Cale has another goal. Which is much more down-to-earth. Creating a farm in the Forest of Darkness. And tending to it with his family. That's… such a sweet ambition. I really hope they can make it. No – I'm sure they will, eventually. One of the "glimpses of the future" we got in the story was the fact that On and Hong's red mist would sometimes linger around the Forest of Darkness, as a sign of the Molan family's legacy. So the kittens will definitely live there in the future, and naturally, so will Cale. Personally, I can't wait 😁

…So yeah, that's all I got to say about Cale's Impostor Syndrome. Got any more thoughts on it? Let me know!

It's so funny to me when people call Shen Qingqiu mean for the way he acts towards Shang Qinghua, or act as though Shang Qinghua is genuinely hurt and crying himself to sleep over that treatment. Shang Qinghua is SUCH a goddamn weirdo. He's a twink. He's 70 years old. He has no guilty conscience. He doesn't view anyone or anything around him as real. In part 3 of the Airplane Extras, when Binghe has Shen Qingqiu imprisoned in his palace, Shang Qinghua quite literally says that if he were in charge of the situation ("could still control the current Bing-ge with his pen") that he would have made Binghe "defile Shen Qingqiu hundreds of times." He adds detail that I'll spare you in this post. He wrote a novel where like every character was supposed to be gay, including his literal dream man, and then he calls straight people "normal" people. His narration is like a fever dream, in the way he views the world and how he understands/processes it. He's a funny little guy who is busy with way more important things. I promise you he does not care - and if anything, finds it actively amusing - that his most loyal hater who is literally 50 years younger than him is snarky with him sometimes. It's what he deserves tbh

[Text description: "I suggested an idea to the crew, that Lars (unknowingly) lives with the condition Borderline Personality Disorder. It's a condition I'm extremely sympathetic toward. Even from a very young age, he has struggled with emotional regulation and is naturally sensitive. He's always been quick to cry and lose his temper--both things that he's been punished for. Peers & Parents don't understand why he reacts the way he does and he's never fully validated but constantly seeking it. This compounds the issues he's already having about identity. Ronaldo on the other hand is also Neuro divergent but was able to let most of the teasing roll off his back. He isolated himself and already feels detached, and doesn't have the strong emotional reaction that Lars has, so he's more able to be alone and enjoy himself." - written by Raven Molisee, previous storyboarder for Steven Universe. Source. /End TD]

OMG.... NO WAY....

feeling goofy about legends arceus like they made such an interesting new formula for pokemon and allow you to complete the entire beastiary within the one game like y'know normal video games do and the pokemon can be an actual threat to you and all that is forever going to be stuck in a spin-off title they'll never return to again. wild

howdy, everyone! i'm second.

(aka bee_4, secondfifth, sheepyseconds on my main, sometimes bee if you just read my url, it's a whole thing, i'm not super consistent,)

joe hills guy, technoblade main, watches way too much hermitcraft, will actually beat a vault hunters world one of these days, i have range,

i also write a lot! check out my writing (ao3 is more 'finished', fic tag has a lot of stuff i don't put on the ao3):

ao3 | a bee fic (fic tag)

you are always free to make derivative works from any of my ideas, as well as translations or podfics. please do not directly repost anything i've written to another site, and please use AO3’s related works function for any translations or podfics, but beyond that, it's fair game! feel free to tag me in it, i love to fanboy about that kinda stuff. (and i genuinely mean it: go nuts show nuts please steal my ideas i want to see it!)

original posts are normally tagged with one of the below tags (or similar if the smp in question is not listed); reblogs are untagged unless i have a comment (please don't ask me to i won't remember):

hermitcraft | empires smp | secret life smp | answered (ask tag) | stream liveblogging (liveblogging tag)

a number of other possible relevant tags, mostly to collect aus or fics i've worked on, are tagged on this post. i try to keep those current to either large/popular projects or whatever i'm currently working on.

additionally, here's the masterpost for an au i've been poking at, the smallishsona au.

my ask box is constantly full and i'm bad about answering asks, i'm sorry - it's almost certainly not you, it's me! i do like getting asks though so don't worry about sending me them. i also tend not to post/answer asks/reblog things about discourse unless i personally have a strong opinion on it, as i don't like dealing with that stuff publicly.

my queue is long so if you saw a like from sheepyseconds, don't worry about it, it'll happen eventually!

as always, hope you enjoy hanging around!

Almost all of the "criticism" (i.e., hatred, bashing) thrown at Disney Princesses comes directly from a fundamental misunderstanding, misinterpretation and misreading of the core message of their stories and their respective characters and journeys.

I think what bugs me with TotK's Ganondorf, beyond the uhhh everything here and here, is that... This version, the reintroduction of this character after 17 years of patient conversations, tries so super hard to kill any ambiguity he once possessed? I have come across many posts here, on youtube and elsewhere that focus on, just, settling down the flicker of doubt and complexity that could have been extracted as: no, he was just an evil prick all along without any depth and layers, and those who saw anything more were both wrong and manipulated.

(which could have been absolutely great if the gerudos' perspective had been centered as his first victims and how exactly that played out for them tbh --but here it just feels... I don't know, patronizing, a little bit? It's not like people hallucinated these elements, they were present in the text and resonated with people in a way that wasn't cynical at the time)

Again: obviously the fandom will do something cool with ambiguity regardless, but... I don't know, I want the media I consume to be interesting and layered also? I'm not saying TotK should not have him be evil (I think it's good that he is, I was dreading the redemption arc personally), but just... maintain the doubt? keep the conversation going? especially since it kind of condemns any further apparitions as a variation on this one-note interpretation of the character (which I think will get stale pretty fast), and also retroactively tries to reinterpret his previous iterations in the same breath. I think it's partially why I'm a little hostile to this version, even beyond its role in the narrative: Zelda is great when it reinvents its characters, but I'm not fond of sweeping statements that try to simplify the entire canon of the series for the benefit of the hylian heroes and their absolutely undisputable moral purity (and everything it implies).

I don't know, I think I'm just a little sad for what could have been.

Every time I "finish" an AMV, I create a comparison like this.

The left side is the "effectless" draft—minimal transitions, zero coloring, limited text animation—while the right side is the "final" version I post online. It's a way to assess my work; where did the added effort elevate the edit, and where do my eyes find themselves drawn more to the draft because the "final" version is too busy, too overwhelming, too much?

I'm new to video editing. There aren't even 20 AMVs to my name, and I only seriously started a little over a year ago. My process involves a lot of struggling with what a "good" AMV is, a lot of wondering if I'm doing it all wrong—anxieties that were only exacerbated by a popular post that crossed my dash many months ago. It decried AMVs that don't edit with the full song as worthless, bad, garbage. The kids don't know how to do it right.

Not a kid, but maybe they've got a point!

Still, it was a disheartening sentiment to read. And while I might not know much, I think I am confident in knowing this: there are many AMV styles out there, and the shorter ones may certainly not be everyone's cup of tea, but that doesn't mean that they're devoid of love, time, effort, or passion. The video at the top of this post is hardly 30 seconds long, and it still took over 60 hours of spilling out ideas and cutting clips and learning new skills and scrapping new skills and tweaking transitions and coloring and recoloring and shaking my head and giving up and trying again.

Fan vidders, no matter the style they employ, are devoting their free time and energy to create. It'd be ludicrous to suggest that a movie is inherently inferior to a TV series, or a short story automatically meaningless compared to a novel.

The same should absolutely apply to fan videos.

Bildad the Shuhite

Here's another thing I figured out today. You know the Bildad the Shuhite gag? The one where Crowley goes "Need any shoes?" and Michael is like, "Shuhite means from Shua, dumbass," and Crowley is like, "Duh, they wear shoes in Shua?"

Sure, yeah, you know the one.

And you also know the big main theme of the show, about shades of grey, and how Good and Evil aren't completely separate boxes that you can put people (and angels, and demons) in, and they're not even like a simple Venn diagram with two big circles and a little tiny bit of overlap; it's actually a huge & complicated one with like 37 circles that overlap and cut through each other in all kinds of weird ways, and probably some of the circles are actually doughnuts?

Sure, you know that, too.

What if I told you that the "shoemaker from Shua" joke is about that theme?

Michael, the archangel, knows what a Shuhite is: it's someone from Shua. That's what the label on the box labeled "Shuhite" means.

But Crowley--the demon, the Fallen, the asker of questions, the resident of Earth--knows that nobody ever stays in just one box. Of course there are Shuhites, from Shua, who make shoes--just like there are demons who, IDK, play the ukulele, or like flash cars, and angels who like, IDK, association football or sushi. (There's maybe even a demon, from Hell, or an angel, from Heaven, who makes shoes.)

Everybody's got more than one thing about them--and that's why, and how, there's also an angel who has just enough doubt, and a demon who has just enough love for the world, to team up and thwart the will of God give an old couple their children back.

And that's the secret Heaven doesn't know.

(Jemimah, who made this pot and is a daughter of Job, probably does, though.)

You know what I wish we'd seen?

More positive actively involved magic users.

Like, we know the Druids support Emrys, though they seem more like a pacifist, non-combatant party (aside from some outliers like Kara, Mordred, Alvarr), and other magic users/beings like Anhora, Grettir, Mab, they all seem to be neutral. They acknowledge Emrys as a superior power, but they don't seem to actively participate for better or worse. And all other sorcerers are usually antagonistic. But why can't we have the other side? I'm sure there has to be some who decide to take Merlin's side. Maybe they don't entirely trust Arthur, maybe they aren't too certain of a Pendragon, but dude, it's fucking Emrys. If Emrys is supporting him, there's gotta be something to him, right?

Let Merlin have people helping him, other sorcerers who slip him spells that are too powerful for them, maybe he can do something with it, passing him information about plots they've heard through the sorcerers' grapevine, even helping him thwart some of the ambushes and traps. Maybe they aren't brave enough to live in Camelot 24/7 like Merlin, but they take turns bringing him messages and supplies, and to get their "marching orders," such as they are.

Also, imagine the look on Arthur's face when he finds out he has a magic Praetorian Guard that answers to his manservant.

yeah see, that's one of the big issues that's always bothered me. like we (the audience) are told that magic is not evil but rather is something as integral as nature. but more often than not, a lot of the antagonist we meet are magic users and most of the time they are power hungry people. i mean, i totally understand the sorcerers who seek out revenge for Uther and by proxy Camelot, but we only either get these types of sorcerers or the sorcerers whom the show portrays as only evil.

it is, frankly, impossible for the magic community to be full of only evil and vengeful sorcerers. there's got to be more diversity than that, bbc 🙄 you're telling me that there are no somewhat powerful magic users living in Albion helping others anyway they can and don't seek to help aid Merlin in anyway. and i mean aid him since s1. by s5 it looked like he was actually getting some help, but they were still sorcerers who fell a little bit in the gray area or just never interacted with anyone other than Merlin.

maybe have Lancelot befriend another sorcerer while he was away from Camelot and sort of sneak him in to help save the kingdom from Morgana and Morgause in s3. maybe Elyan, who had left Camelot pre-s1, have some magic friends that we meet in s4.

tbh, my big issue is that with how much the show tells us, the audience, that magic does have positive impacts and isn't evil, none of the characters besides Gaius, Merlin, and Lancelot actually know that (as far as i'm aware). literally any time Arthur considers that maybe magic isn't what his father claimed it to be, he ends up going back to those prejudices and ideas Uther propagated because "magic killed my father," "magic killed my mother" (still super salty), "magic corrupted morgana," "magic wants me dead." when in reality, that's far from the truth, and Merlin then has to continue to hide a part of himself from people he cares for and loves dearly because all they've ever known and seen is "evil magic people."

just....bbc, explain to me how Arthur was supposed to bring the so-called "Golden Age" to Albion where there's peace between magic users and non-magic users alike if he, himself, believed magic was inherently evil???? how is Arthur the Once and Future King if he never repealed the ban on magic or began working with sorcerers? and i'm saying this as someone who loves the character, but why did we, the audience, not get a chance to really see Arthur break away from his father's prejudices on magic until the series finale?

it just bugs me. there are so many moments where it looks like maybe Merlin has an ally that's pro-magic and pro-unity and wants to help fulfill the prophecy, but then they either become one-time side characters or fucking die. never seen or heard from again. maybe i just want a character or two to stick and maybe give Merlin the support group he needs?

por favor, bbc

Your new tumblr name (title? pseudonym?) is terribly intriguing will you please share your wisdom/headcanon

Ahahaha, so, I have to be honest it came more from an inside joke with a couple friends than a specific "kaz is a femboy" headcanon. But also, I think it works well with Thoughts/headcanons that I've had about Kaz anyway so I stand by it lmao, so!

I've kind of always imagined Kaz as being very gnc (if not trans or enby). He presents himself however is convenient for him in the moment (for jobs, cons, etc.), or to make a statement (mocking the merchers), but when the way he presents doesn't really matter, that all goes out the window. Which doesn't have to be tied to Femboy Kaz but it can be, and I think he'd very much be the kind of person to say "fuck gender norms I do what I want" (insert tangent about autistic!kaz and social norms/expectations in general here) and at some point he realizes that what he wants is to wear pretty dresses and makeup thank you very much

And it can serve a purpose beyond personal feelings too! It's no 'mock the merchers and make them uncomfortable by dressing as one of them' but I think he still could (and would) use it to make a point and as a a sort of... act of rebellion? (since we have at least some indication that sexism/misogyny is prevalent at least to some extent in the grishaverse), especially if he found out any of his crew (crows or otherwise) had been having problems with it. Like just, him whole-heartedly embracing femininity and making it everyone else's problem, he knows it doesn't change anything, it isn't a weakness or something to hide/be ashamed of --- in him or anyone else --- etc., and he will gladly make other people uncomfortable with that and put them in the position of having to either face that or do mental gymnastics to hold on to their preconceived ideas

Also also also! I dunno I just generally have feelings about like…. As Kaz starts to heal, he has to open up not just to his friends but also to himself? If that makes sense? Like he has to figure out who he is as a person, just himself --- no 'I live to exact revenge in Jordie's name', no masks/personas, no Dregs, no Inej and Jesper & Co., just. Him.

(Which isn't to say these aren't still critical aspects of/don't have a critical role in who he is, but. Ya know. There's more to it, he has to figure out who he is beyond that, etc. I'm definitely not explaining this well but hopefully my point is getting across?)

Anyway, sorry, bit of a tangent there. Point is, I think his healing journey comes with its fair share of self exploration/discovery, and I imagine gender presentation/exploring femininity, especially as a man, being an unexpected but important part of that.

But I think one of the biggest things for me here is that like… disability (trauma, chronic pain, mental illness) can be really alienating, not just from society/people around you but also from yourself and your own body? And how you dress and generally present can be incredibly important regardless of identity and neurotype and physical capabilities and all that, but then to bring in those other aspects --- the way it impacts how others view and treat you, how you generally feel, your own connection to your body and personhood, etc (how many times can I use "etc." in this post, lol) --- as well... Idk maybe this isn't a common experience but at least to me that all really intensifies the role/importance of outward presentation?

Plus, between his reputation and his limp/cane and the gloves, Kaz is probably already so accustomed to people taking the very nature of his existence as an invitation to… be invasive, I guess? (There's definitely a better way to explain what I mean but.) But anyway, even if a lot of the time people know better than to actually push him or voice their speculations and invasiveness to his face, it does happen and he knows it, so what's one more thing to give them? * Cue fun femboy times *

Idk if I… actually made any sense here and I was definitely very brief/vague but. Just some of my thoughts. If I was better at putting said thoughts into coherent words for people not living inside my brain, I'd be writing a whole essay on this, but alas….

Sorry I feel like this is probably a disappointing answer since none of it is actually inherently about Kaz being a femboy, but it's also not a specific headcanon I have about him, just something that can fit well with ideas/thoughts/headcanons/what have you that I had already, so I don't have much to offer there.