#i don't know if he was even real
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My Ex’s Conspiracy Theorist Jungle-Living Uncle
There are a lot of things I don’t miss about one of my exes. However, there’s one thing I do, and that happened to be hanging out with his uncle.
My ex’s uncle was a reedy, fuzzy, unwashed recluse that lived in the middle of the jungle north of Nambucca, Australia. I don’t know exactly what the place is called because it’s off the grid and has no real name, and I still have lingering trauma from the terrifying drive to and from his house.
This was a man who understood that chem trails were real, crystals could talk, music at certain frequencies could induce psychic visions, and that he didn’t mind living amongst giant carnivorous goanas with no indoor plumbing. I have no doubt that he may have been mildly schizophrenic, which only made hanging out with him that much more fun and interesting. I love hanging out with schizophrenics and have spent years as a supporter of an online support group for them. People with schizophrenia are not scary; they’re absolutely fascinating to talk to. I have never been more captivated or engaged in a conversation than I have with schizophrenic people. My dad was schizophrenic, and I’ve never loved anyone more. Even when the symptoms scared him, which happened sometimes, all I wanted to do was listen.
My ex’s uncle was probably the most fascinating and fun character of a man I’ve ever met and still struggle to believe the day I spent at his house wasn’t some kind of psychedelic trip I had back in my apartment in Sydney. It was the middle of November and the heat and humidity was something that even the most seasoned of Floridians would’ve balked at. The kicker? It was a 6 hour drive and my ex’s janky old car’s air conditioning was broken. It was at least 104F (40C) the entire ride, outside. I felt like I had a stamina bar from a survival video game and it was a race to get from rest stop to rest stop to find air conditioning before I got heat stroke.
To get to his house, we had to switch cars to a 4-wheeled SUV. It was the most harrowing 45 minutes in my life as we had to slowly drive along a rail-thin, dirt path cut into a ravine so steep it may as well have been a cliff. My ex was not helping by telling me about the sheer number of deaths that had occurred in his living memory alone from people rolling down the ravine, which was hundreds of feet deep. (Seriously Australians, I know hazing the Americans is fun, but please you live in a land of venom, death, and a simmering disregard for all temporal consequence. Be gentle with us when we’re already shitting ourselves.)
But the view was breathtaking. It was like walking into an episode of Planet Earth. There were vast, green fields that serves as pastures for small farmers with horses and sheep - lamb being a very popular export - between vast expanses of steaming rainforest. The sounds during the day were indescribable. After we got to the end of me Staring Death In The Face For 45 Minutes and I was able to get my shit together, I understood why his uncle wanted to live there.
His house is set on stilts on an almost 45 degree angle on a hill in a clearing in the forest. If you like cottagecore, you should’ve seen this place. He had his own little hydroelectric generator that pumped water and electricity to his house. He had wifi somehow. I don’t know how. The fact that he casually offered me weed growing in a pot on his front porch before my foot touched the ground already had me comfortable with not thinking too hard.
He lived off the land and occasional trips into a town so tiny that you could stand on the top of the decline where the “Welcome To” sign was and see straight down to the “Now Leaving” sign. It was a microscopic little town of hardened badasses that spat in the Grim Reaper’s face on a daily basis. In his house, there were quartz crystals wedged into every conceivable nook and cranny, and he had a boombox from the 90′s playing low, drowning music at a specific frequency he assured me would assist in opening my Third Eye.
I assured him that every eye I had was pretty fucking wide open at that point.
He explained to me his distaste for chem trails, and I nodded along. He made me a cup of tea from a tin kettle over an open-propane burner that fueled his stove and we sat together on a bench on his fenced porch watching the cockatoos and kookaburras flying over us. Inevitably, because I had already come perilously close to wetting myself just in getting there, I expressed a need to use the restroom.
“Oh, well, you’ve got two options. Ya can go around the corner or in the river, but there are more biting flies by the river.”
“Great.” Fortunately, the hill his house was set on was so remote that it was easy for me to find a hiding spot to squat in around the corner. I didn’t want to know where he got the fertilizer for his greenhouse from.
After doing my business, I came back and we resumed chatting. He was telling me about how the wooden tool shed across from the house had once been his house, because he’d built the house with his bare hands while living out of a shack no larger than 9′x6′.
As I’m marveling at the sheer incalculable mass of this delightful madman’s testicles, I hear a rustling from the bushes.
The biggest goana I have ever seen in my life (meaning the only goana) crept out from the underbrush directly from where I’d just taken a leak. It crawled up the stoop and stared at me, forked tongue flicking as it stared at me and considered me.
My ex’s uncle grinned from ear to fucking ear while I realized that I was sitting on the hill I was literally going to die on. I froze as this gigantic, toothy lizard looked me dead in the eye, and then noticed a kookaburra in a nearby tree and decided I wasn’t worth it.
Suddenly, I feel a metal cylinder in my lap.
This man has placed a 12 gauge shotgun in my lap. “Don’t be scared! They’re just looking for birds this time of year.”
“You... can have that here?” I may be American and I may live in a swamp, but I’ve never handled guns before. I’ve never needed to. And then there was the matter that I had been convinced that Australia had banned firearms to civilians.
“I use it to protect the cockatoo chicks! They’re rare out here!” he explained, constantly chipper about the entire thing as he took the gun away and set it aside. He explained to me that a flock of a rare, endangered species of cockatoo lived in the trees around where we were sitting, and he had a permit for a shotgun in order to protect himself from exactly what just happened 2 minutes before.
Meanwhile, my ex is casually slapping my arms and legs to keep biting flies the size of quarters from making me cry for my mother, stunning them, tying a strand of hair around them, and then flinging them around like they were tiny dogs on leashes, and explaining that that’s what kids out there did for fun.
I prayed to Steve Irwin for strength. That explained Crocodile Hunter.
His uncle decides it’s time for us to have some fun and leads us away from the relative safety of his house and down to the shallows of the river we’d driven over to get there. He proceeded to teach me to catch frogs until dusk.
He brought us back to his house, and when I explained to him that I was a Bandrui and that magpies were a major spirit animal in my work in my faith, he told me to wait where I was standing and disappeared into the upstairs of his house I never got to see. He returned with a bundle of feathers. Including a tailfeather from the black-and-yellow, endangered cockatoos he had collected.
“Take them,” he said, practically shoving them into my arms while I had to take my jaw off the floor.
“What?! They’re rare! I can’t pay you!” I was shocked.
But he insisted. “No. You have important work to do. Take them.” He was so confident that I had to wonder if he knew something more than I did, and so I thanked him gratuitously. I still have his bundle of feathers to this day.
“Time for you to get back!” he abruptly pronounced as the sky started to turn pink.
“Huh?” I had no idea why he was insisting on it, but he sounded like he was confident of something.
“You’ll see!” he replied with another grin, and waved as we drove off with the sun going down.
The drive back meant another 45 minutes on the Death Road. In the dark.
That was how I discovered that, in the jungle when the sun goes down, millions of tree frogs migrate down the Death Slope. One jumped down my boobs. Getting back to where we were staying, I almost walked face-first into a Golden Orbweaver Spider, and decided I missed Bigfoot and the innocuous red eyes in the dark. At least they kept their distance.
#storytime#this is 100% true i am not making a single thing up#australia is wild#australia#i don't know if he was even real#but he was awesome#schizophrenia#schizophrenia positivity#long post
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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#i-is that enough spoiler tags#anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again#i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA#oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or#and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom#never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now#god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh#also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS#and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event#malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something#and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself#oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible#(no i love this though)
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"Hey girlie! Wanna hear me play Wonderwall?"
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#genshin#genshin concert#genshin concert 2023#electric guitar#fatui harbinger#real question tho is would he play you wonderwall#I'll be frank I don't even know if you caN play Wonderwall on a guitar#Anyway I love Childe he is just a silly guy#yes he almost murdered half of Liyue but we all make mistakes !!!#also this is chibi number 12 out of 14 IM ALMOST THERE WHAATTT
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can you even call it a warm up if I'm going to bed without drawing anything big
and a sketch I made while sitting in the park today
#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#all for one#midoriya izuku#bnha manga spoilers#only after I finished basically polishing this sketch did I notice how it's basically dark and light mode#also the first one is basically a redraw of illustration from vol 11#I know that translation of Tenko's words is different in official but eh#fanart#I've kind of recovered from recent chapters#and I was analysing those chapters all morning#I'm still thinking but otherwise the chapters are so good#also did you notice that AFO actually talked about how his other him didn't use that 'last thing' yet and that was in ch 410#and in ch 419 he did so it's real and it's still sad#but still AFO was never hiding it enough#from Tomura maybe but we as readers actually saw his plans play out#in any case I'm still just sitting with those two Izuku and Tenko interaction chapters#I waited long enough#and if you don't count AFO's return Izuku DID save Tenko and it's so interesting#since he now has to save his OTHER origin that was in ch 237 taught to kill whatever he wants#Tenko and Tomura both had 'origins' chapters and for now we only worked with 235 and 236#and even if Izuku helped with the start of 237 there's still AFO#in any case it was a hard week#also the second thing actually had them holding hands#and then I was like 'but at that point Izuku's hands are gone oh no'#and it was just Tenko holding air where the hand was destroyed#in any case that scene.
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has anyone gotten the idea that odysseus' storyline in hades 2 is a depiction/exploration of trauma over his SA and how he's blaming himself for things that were out of his control? because that's the impression i'm getting from what i've seen. he talks about "goddesses" as his "greatest weakness" and that "he's not one to say no to them"...
when mel invites him to the bath, he brings up mortals having different standards for intimacy than gods and how it usually has a more romantic/sexual connotation. she then asks if he's uncomfortable and he has a startled reaction and brings up circe and calypso again (but never actually by name)
(this isn't ship/romance bait btw. odysseus knew mel as a kid and they're stated in-game to have a sibling/uncle-niece relationship)
also he grew apart from penelope after his return, but the game makes a point of showing that his love for penelope and telemachus is what drove him on at all so that element of his character isn't brought into question
#i made a post abt it but deleted it bc it was speculating and i don't have the game bc i don't have a pc#but i found more screenshots and now.. i think it's a VERY real possibility they're going in this direction.#circe is in this game also. so i really need to see whether odysseus has any character specific dialogue about her#hard life when you can't even play the game and are hunting down bits of story from other people#hades game tag#hades 2 spoilers#sa mention#hades 2#hades game#odysseus#penelope#i don't have any hard coping shipper brain on or anything but like. just. thinking about where his character can go given what we know#guaranteed penelope will be in this game too from how much she's brought up. we'll probably meet her on the surface#SO ITS LIKE. story wise. are we going to make a wife forgive her husband for cheating on her#or are we going to make a guy realize him being assaulted wasn't the same thing as him cheating on the love of his life#and i am heavily leaning towards the latter.#it's like if he genuinely did cheat on her and they grew apart what direction would his story go in.#how will us as the player help him in the same way we helped achilles/patroclus or orpheus/eurydice
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lee from the tea shop boutta get it (wip) [id in alt]
edit: completed illustration here
#zuko#zukka#i wanted this to be a guiding hand#encouraging or like he's surprised it's happening but holding sokka's hand comfortingly#but something about the expression and the mouth makes it seem like he doesn't want it or he's afraid#i don't know i'll workshop this#mywips#i also havent read any ba sing se zukka fics but i do wonder how they'd work#like i totally buy that zuko was SO tunnel visioned to the avatar that he literally wouldn't know what sokka looks like#but i don't know how Sokka couldn't Not know who he is#unless maybe they met as blue spirit vigilante and sokka falls for him and this is the unveiling moment and zuko's afraid of his past#but sokka's like it's okay you're changing you've helped people as the blue spirit and i care about you. those feelings are real#even now#and zuko almost decides to change for the better right then but he gets scared and turns back and canon happens idk#mistaking his father's approval for love and his love for sokka as wrong#whatever. idc. something something i just wanted to draw short haired zuko
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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#spinda#AAAHHHH YES!!! our belovèd spinda. from their café!!! probably one of my favorite minor characters from pmd sky#whom i don't even think was in the original explorers games. i think spinda's café was exclusive to sky. if i'm remembering correct#ly. or maybe that was shaymin village. i know shaymin village was for sure but maybe it was just that and not both of them. either way#have a delicious drink and allow the flower of conversation to bloom! i could quote spinda all day. he had “hopes and dreams” before toby#ever did. THAT'S ALSO like i had no idea what spinda's pronouns were. i kept trying to figure it out because i talked about him quite a lot‚#but no one in game ever talked about him. to mention his pronouns? turns out. there's ONE line of dialogue where the post office fucker in#shaymin village mentions him and calls him a he. i think that's the only time spinda is referred to in the third person with a pronoun#i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café#which is still a really fucking good feature. of any video game. SEE WHAT I MEAN spinda and their café is just an incredibly good Thing#it's to the point where my home wifi network is named “Spinda's Café Wi-Fi” because i love it so much. so if you're ever runnin around#and you see a wifi network by that name… it might be me! you never know! or… it could be the real deal. the real spinda's café is somewhere#nearby…! ugh. i wish. i would go there immediately#not even to mention all the other shit about this pokémon that's really good. like that they never walk in straight lines or whatever#their little dance. it's just. huUGHKLJKAHJVDHJHDAJSVGD i love spinda. a nice pick-me-up after the underwhelmingness that was grumpig#shake it this way… shake it that way… and stir it all around… and it's done!
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Jay's hypocrisy is a little bit endearing to me ngl; he'll go on twitter to bitch about how much totheark stalking/filming him is causing life-ruining paranoia & then turn around and post video footage of himself stalking Alex for months and reading Tim's medical records out loud to an audience with seemingly no conscious thought connecting the two actions as The Same Thing
#N posts stuff#I'm doing rewrites of my character notes on my neocities page bc i get to be as longwinded as i want to on there#so i'm thinking about this again; totheark being a direct narrative parallel of Jay is so fucking funny bc like#totheark knows that they're parallels but i don't think that Jay does lmao#like in Entry59 Jay doesn't seem Shocked by Tim's reaction to finding out that Jay has been stalking/posting about him#like he acknowledges that he can in some way Relate to the way Tim feels... and then One Month Later he publicly shares#Tim's real life medical records & talks about how pissed he is that some of the personal information was censored .. like lol#babygirl what's going on in that head of yours; i'm not even sure you know#mh lb#marble hornets
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Do you still not understand?
#pit babe#pit babe the series#garfield pantach#s vorarit#pitbabeedit#thai bl#thai drama#bl drama#bl series#my edits.#i don't think i will ever recover from this#i think this scene destroyed me#he raised him like a dog#loyal and unwavering#and he's too cruel to even see the value in that#you know what i take the bad karma just make tony suffer :))))#(but haha how painful would this scene be if kenta was tony's real son)
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swipes everything else off of the table to yell about diasomnia flower bookmarks
(I gave Silver one too :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#white rabbit festival#me: oh boy i wonder what excitement will happen in this new part#characters: now it is time to buy souvenirs :)#me: oh god#jk jk even when the filler is kind of painful i do enjoy the little character moments#like everyone screaming as loud as they can into silver's watch#deuce busting out his suzy izzard impression#SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!#and of course silver assigning flowers to the other dias and getting all sappy over lilia. god. delicious.#you don't understand this ten second long scene is everything to me#though we all know the real highlight#the knowledge that 1) deuce used to have an extremely silly edgy badass nickname#2) he almost certainly gave it to himself#3) he harassed epel's extended family to the point that they told horror stories about him and he was briefly epel's personal idol#epel: i heard he once killed three men with but a look#deuce: what no i never...i mean...ha ha sounds weird nothing a model student like me would know about#also deuce: if you fuckers don't apologize to my mom right now i'll fucking kill all of you (sees dilla) uhhh i mean#deuce: i challenge you to a children's game#black bunnies leader: (strapping on his duel disk) i accept#meanwhile silver is running full speed at a group of children screaming to them about donuts#we aren't going to talk about what ortho did with that fantasy-gregg's sausage roll#so glad that we've reached the 'what the heck is even happening' portion of the event#anyway i completely screwed up the resolution of these so here's hoping they don't look terrible!#whoops!
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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So I've been wondering about one particuar point on the "Jiang Cheng marriage recquirement" list and it's the one about low cultivation.
Now on its face, except for the "must be nice to jin ling" point, the whole thing just looks like the most standard list of "ideal wife characteristics under a patriarchal society." naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, coming from a good family, voice not too loud, etc. This leads to either the interpretation that jiang cheng really wants that (doubt dot png) or just... put all the most stereotypical things on a list even though that's not what he really wants.
In that context "cultivation must not be too high" sounds like a typical "men are scared of women who are smarter/stronger" thing. you know, the dudes who feel 'intimidated' when their wife or girlfriend makes more money than them.
...Except wasn't Yanli openly mocked for her low cultivation? Like, wasn't one of the reasons Jin Zixuan was such an ass to her initially because he shallowly assumed her lower cultivation made her an unworthy marriage candidate? Jin Guangshan may hate women who can read but society overal doesn't give the impression that high cultivation in women is seen as something undesirable. I mean... a wife that never looks like she's over 20 even as she starts aging? yeah I have no problem believing a misogynistic society is okay with high cultivation.
So if it's not there just to fit the stereotypical standard of an ideal wife...
Jiang Cheng, are you just describing your sister?
LIke?? Every single point on this list applies to Yanli. All of them. I don't mean this in a freudian incest-y way but in a "jiang cheng are you so unaware of what you want in a partner you just took the only woman you've had an unambiguously good relationship with and hoped no one would notice???" way. Does he know the difference in what you should like about your sister and what you should like in a spouse? Is he even aware he's doing this? Jiang Cheng answer meeeee.
#mdzs#jiang cheng#mdzs headcanons#mdzs meta#you can take this headcanon so many places#is he like this because he's gay? aro? actually attracted to women but too emotionally stunted to know what he even wants?#in cql canon the whole list imo becomes about wen qing#in a 'i'm still not over my dead not-girlfriend so all my recquirements are for someone extremely unlike her' way#is it self-sabotage? trying to avoid being reminded of her? who knows!#but in novel canon chengqing's not real so there it's about yanli#i mean the list isn't even IN the novel so depending on whether you consider word of god canon or not it doesn't even exist there#but it's so fun to play with#also i know in novel canon yani is described as at best 'above average' looks wise#but are YOU gonna tell one of her brothers she's not the most beautiful woman in the world?#i don't think so
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It still amazes me the number of people who see the juxtaposition between Nami and Usopp during Wano and their fight against Ulti as "Nami's devotion to Luffy is unmatched, unlike Usopp's" when she isn't able to say he won't be the king of the pirates but Usopp is telling her to lie.
I think most people don't have in mind, either, that Usopp isn't the one being directly asked. He is looking out for Nami and begging her to lie to keep her alive because he is scared to death they might lose her for something as insignificant as lying. For him, lying is a form of survival and it is not that big of a deal because he trusts Luffy enough to tell Nami to lie about her feelings. It is something that will only stay between them because he knows it is better to lie than to die and Luffy would want it that way too.
And that doesn't mean he isn't loyal to Luffy or his dream. He is just looking out for Nami's safety. And as I said-- He isn't being asked directly, either. It is easier to tell others to lie about something of the sort than to do it yourself, and if the roles were reversed I personally think he'd have the most awful of times with it too.
Nami refuses to say Luffy won't become the king of the pirates because for her, even if lying has gotten her out of messes, she puts her trust and loyalty in Luffy before her own instincts of survival because lying is what got her to push them away when they first met and this is the one thing she can't lie about because it would hurt more than death.
Then again, I think she would do the same exact thing Usopp did if she wasn't being the one asked. It is the whole point of the scene, actually. They both know the most rational thing is to lie so the one witnessing the scene will always be cold-headed about it, but the one having to lie is the one suffering the bitter realization of how lying about this and saying it out loud is way harder than it seems from an outsider's perspective.
So I am tired of seeing people criticizing Usopp for his decision during the fight against Ulti as if it were that easy for him to see Nami being about to get killed if she doesn't lie. Sorry for the guy to actually want to protect the people he loves instead of letting her be reckless and basically kill herself freely for telling a truth even Luffy would tell her to lie about if it meant living.
#i am very intense about this scene actually#and usopp haters are so annoying when it comes to this#as if nami wouldn't have done the same if the roles were reversed#they're often on the same page when it comes to survival except for this one time and i think it's because they're not on the same situatio#and also i think nami has a harder time verbalizing these things because she is very vocal abt her trust in luffy#but usopp's trust in luffy is something they know for a fact and he knows that lying wouldn't change that#but i think too that he would've done the same as nami in her situation#and even if he hadn't. he is way more logical when it comes to these things than her#nami makes her beliefs visible and loud while usopp keeps them to himself mostly and i think she needs to say it out loud for it to be real#while for usopp lying is just surface level of believing in something when he trusts his own feelings enough#YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??? i am not crazy#anyway usopp haters i don't like you you're the weakest link and nami would hate you#one piece#usopp#cat burglar nami#wano arc
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I MISSED THE WAY YUU RAISED HER VOICE TBHHH she is very sweet when she does that and gets mad~
#that and yuu has the braincell that makes her realize too quickly that the best way to handle him is not to yell#fbdhshsh THIS IS THE MOST SUGARCOATED COMPLIMENT EVER THO#SWEET FOR RAISING VOICE#OH IF THAT'S THE GAME WE ARE PLAYING SEBEK IS TOTALLY ADORABLE#HE GIVES U DIABETIC EVEN#i know how the first drawing of yuu yelling at sebek is what makes their dynamic attractive to see#but as time goes by u really get used to him and just go yeah yeah#as much as i want to make it interesting i really don't find anymore reason to antagonize him as much as before#this is why pinning phase is the most interesting#and once u get together everything just falls flat#yuu is not really a yeller tbh#it's just sebek really light the fuse when she doesn't really know him yet#she would say her friends in the real world would be surprised to find her yelling at all#but her friends also know she would yell when their situation would direly need her to#it just doesn't happen too often that yuu doesn't even realize it herself
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change#also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content#the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing#mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other#how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer#how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal#how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him#SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like#mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms#okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem#really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing#the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace#over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it#the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form#how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment#how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are#how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them#how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them#ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry#as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance#that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression
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