#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace
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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.
Turns out that was a perilous mistake.
Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me
What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:
LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"
The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--
How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls
And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:
Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.
Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)
Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:
Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me
Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:
I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.
And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...
I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.
How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.
Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change#also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content#the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing#mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other#how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer#how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal#how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him#SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S#it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like#mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms#okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem#really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing#the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan#that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace#over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it#the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form#how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment#how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are#how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them#how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them#ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry#as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance#that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression
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Life of a High School Vampire One-Shots 7 Planned Parenthood
WARNING!
This chapter will include talks of violence, abortions, and explosives.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
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SUMMARY: A rabid protester outside a health clinic draws Kai into providing some clarification into what Hell's tortures might really be...
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Kai groaned in frustration as the hot noon sun shined brightly above him as he sulked down the street. After Lloyd and Jay found out about his little one-night stand with the Cole person, his roommates insisted that he should get checked out at a health clinic just to be certain that he hadn't caught anything, especially since Kai couldn't remember whether or not they had used protection. He knew they spoke from a place of concern, but that didn't ease Kai's anger.
It got even worse when he found out that they had booked him an appointment at a nearby health clinic behind his back when they figured out he wasn't going to do it.
Kai wanted to tell them that thanks to his power he didn't contract any human diseases. But he also knew that he had to keep the secret. He was also a little grateful that when his parents sent him to Ninjago they crafted an entire medical history for him. It was to explain away any oddities the doctors would find thanks to his vampiric genes. As the brunette was about to round the corner to the clinic, he noticed a small RV parked awkwardly on the curve.
Kai was immediately suspicious of the vehicle.
It was fairly plain with the exception of a brightly colored bumper sticker beaming up at him. The street the RV was parked on had no stores or anything that would make a driver of an RV and possibly their passengers' park and get out. Kai was curious, but he also knew he needed to get to his appointment or he wouldn't hear the end of it. As he rounded the corner, however, he saw a sight that both amused and irritated the vampire.
"Sinners! Sinner! You're a sinner!" Shouted a middle-aged man with a checkered shirt and khaki shorts was standing next to the door holding a large homemade sign damning abortions and promoting pro-life. Kai had heard about these types of people and they made him mad. He didn't understand why these people thought it was perfectly ok to harass women who were already going through a bad time. He was also livid when he realized that these pro-life people were all for pregnancy.
But then as soon as that baby was born then they didn't give a fuck what happened.
Kai might not be the most sensitive person but knew that even one had a right to choose and if they choose to abort a fetus he couldn't give a damn.
"Yeah, you're a sinner! Have fun with your abortion! I hope you're wearing sunscreen, 'cause it's hot as hell in hell!" The man shouted at a woman who was much older than him walking into the clinic. Kai seriously doubted she was able to get pregnant anymore. This clinic did offer abortions, but they also provided other services such as testing and treatment for STIs, advice about sexual health, contraception, pregnancy testing, HIV testing, hepatitis B vaccination, and help for people who have been sexually assaulted.
The brunette barely managed to suppress a growl.
This was the last thing he needed to deal with today of all days. He was thankful that he was wearing sunglasses because he was certain his eyes were glowing red with his burning rage. Kai knew that he had to get to his appointment and he wasn't about to let a hippie stop him. As the brunette was about to walk into the clinic and ignore the man, he noticed the man's slightly opened rucksack and saw something shining poking out ever so slightly.
Kai quickly realized what it was and a million thoughts ran through his head.
But they all came to a stop when he saw a sticker for the exact same music band as the bumper sticker. Kai connected the dots rather quickly and a sickening grin spread across his face. This was going to be fun...
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Once everything was set for his plan, Kai approached the clinic again and saw the man crouched in the car park, hiding in between the cars as he rummaged through his bag and glancing back at the building. He had to get rid of that monstrosity. He pulled out the explosion device but cursed when he saw that somehow the wires attached to the device had been cut. The tools were to fix it were back in his RV parked around the corner. The man really didn't want to risk rushing back to the RV in case anyone saw him or, more importantly, the device in his backpack.
But he couldn't stay in between the cars either.
He had already avoided a couple of people by the skin of his teeth and he knew his lucky hiding place couldn't last forever. If they did he would be shipped off to prison, never to see the light of day again. He couldn't let that happen. Not while abortions were still happening every day.
"You need at least six more ounces of kerosene for that to work right." Kai suddenly announced his presence with a cocky smirk. He could already tell this was going to be fun. The man let out a yelp as he bolted up and attempted to hide the evidence, but he knew the teen had seen the device.
"That is none of your business!" He snarled, terrified at being discovered, but he refused to back down. "Sir, I suggest that you turn around and walk away because THAT is a BABY! MURDERING! FACTORY!" He all but screamed as he gestured to the health center.
"Don't be ignorant; Romania shut down its last baby incinerator back in 87." Kai rolled his eyes and tried to walk past the man, only to have his path blocked.
"They are everywhere!" The man cried out, only for his eyes to widen in horror. "Sir, are planning on assisting in murdering an unborn child today?!" He exclaimed and Kai almost burst out laughing at the ridiculous statement, but he held it in.
"That's not on my schedule, but it is my day off." The brunette shrugged casually, catching the man off-guard. With that said, Kai tried once again to enter the health center, only for the man to block his path again. It took all of Kai's restraint not to tear this man's throat out.
"Just so you know, if you walk through those doors you are entering into the devil's playground." The man warned, trying to persuade the teen to walk away. Instead, Kai had had enough of this guy and shoved past the protester without another word. "YOU LIBERAL HEATHENS WOULDN'T KNOW SATAN'S HANDIWORK IF SMACKED THE RAINBOW STICKERS OFF YOUR UKULELE!" The man screamed and just like that, the leash on Kai's temper snapped.
This rabid protester needed some clarification into what Hell's tortures might really be like.
"I know it." The brunette hissed as he turned around and removed his sunglasses, unveiling his crimson red eyes. "Satan lived in Charles Manson; giving him the charm to form a cult of reckless murderers," Kai smirked as he began to circle the man like a hungry shark. "Satan lived in Ted Bundy; providing him the good looks to lure his targets into his trap, where he would strangle his subjects and sleep with the corpses." He added as he listened in on the man's thundering heartbeat.
The man himself was frozen in terror as his eyes followed the teen casually, yet slowly, walking around him like a predator.
"Satan lived in Jeffrey Dahmer; bidding him invite unsuspecting victims into his basement only to be dismembered and eaten." Kai finally finished and that was when the man finally found his voice again.
"H-H-He... h-... he ate... the bodies?" He managed to stammer out, his throat suddenly very dry as his skin turned cold and pale.
"If Satan really is providing me a dose of plan B, he has really lost his edge." Kai all but purred in satisfaction, knowing he had won this little fight. With that said he turned and walked to the entrance.
"Well, I hope you have fun in hell." The man shot weakly.
"I will, save me a seat." Kai grinned as he put his sunglasses back on and walked inside without even giving the man another glance. The man took a deep breath to calm his nerves before rushing back to his RV to repair the device. Kai couldn't get rid of the smile on his face as he felt the gas canister and the wire cutters poking him from his bag. Or when he heard a small explosion in the distance and the sound of a car alarm ringing. He simply sighed contently as he approached the front desk and rang the bell.
"I'm here for my appointment."...
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Pact: Chapter 1
One mistake, leads to a whole new life. But it also leads to five other people deciding to take on the same fate of becoming mothers.
“Kat, come on, it does not take that long to take a test.” Anna huffs as she heavily knocks on the bathroom door, “Come on, we’re all waiting to see.” Katherine was perched on the counter of the bathroom, eyeing the pregnancy test beside her, that she had face down. She dreaded the fact that she told her best friend, Anna, that she was late on her period. In turn, causing Anna to panic and tell the rest of their friend group, including two of Kat’s older cousins, Anne and Jane. Those two wanted to murder Katherine boyfriend, Liam, on the spot, but luckily Catalina keeps them on a short leash.
The teen was always careful about her body, especially when she and Liam started to become intimate about a year ago. Though she hid it from everyone since it embarrassed her in a way, even with how vocal Anne was about her ‘experiences’ since Kat was welcomed into the friend group a few years ago. “Yeah Kat, I promise to not murder that dumbass.” Anne promises from the other side of the door as she heard someone smack Anne, causing her to yelp out in pain. “I promise to not murder Liam.” Anne repeats, this time calling Liam by his name, though Anne claims she calls him dumbass in a loving fashion.
Katherine’s heart was pounding in her chest as she thought about the outcomes depending on whether or not the test was positive. She was sure her dad would kill her, her mother had passed away when she was in kindergarten on a business trip and it had just been him and Katherine since then. Her dad never remarried or dated, he focused his life on his job and his daughter, that was all he needed in the world after losing his wife. And Katherine would sure he’d either kill her or she’d give him a heart attack and that would kill him.
Her father also liked her boyfriend, so maybe he wouldn’t be super mad since Liam is good to her and that they’ve been together since the sixth grade, though he’s probably hoping that his fifteen year old daughter won’t become pregnant. And she was worried how it would affect her and Liam’s relationship. If she was pregnant, would he stay? Or would he run off from her as soon as she got the words out. Or if she wasn’t pregnant, she was thinking of the best way to approach her father about going on birth control, a conversation that she was too scared to have with him before.
“Kat, you have five seconds to open the door before Anna knocks it down.” Cathy warns as the fifteen year old sighed, getting herself down from the counter and going to unlock the door. Once she swung the door open, Anne as well as Anna came tumbling in while the other three teen girls rolled their eyes at them.
“What does it say?” Jane was the first to ask as Katherine shrugged her shoulders.
“I haven’t looked at it yet.” Katherine replied as she glanced over at the test that was still face down as the other girls glanced over at it. “Are you ever going to look at it?” Catalina questions as Cathy elbows her and attempts to shush the eldest of the group.
To be fair Catalina had ever right to be worried as Kat was the youngest of the friend group. It was like a big sister situation with all of them since they were all seventeen or eighteen while she was fifteen. They joked when they met her, that they adopted Kat since Anne dragged her to their table each lunch and insisted that they would all love her and she wasn’t wrong at all. “I’m too scared to look at it.” Kat whispers as the girls looked at each other, still not sure what to do since they only found out what was going on about an hour ago.
Kat had been out school for a few days since she was sick and they went to check on her and she attempted to them that she was late for her period and they all wanted to murder Liam, then Cathy was the voice of reason as they all checked on her and Jane was the one to go out to purchase the pregnancy test which led them to where they currently are. “Can one of us look at it?” Anna asks as Kat glanced up at her, thinking for a moment as she nods her head slightly before sitting down on the toilet since the lid was down.
The five girls all glanced around at each other as they were trying to silently decide who was going to look at the test as Anne finally stepped forward and took the test into her hands. The eighteen year old flipped the test over and furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at it. “Wow it has two lines, usually Jane’s only has one.” she remarks as Jane smacked her shoulder, as she looked over Anne’s shoulder to see the results of the test.
Katherine knew it wasn’t good when Jane’s first reaction was to gasp. “Holy shit, he’s a dead man.” Jane states as she stepped forward and took the test from Anne’s hands and gently placed it into Kat’s. “Look, I know it’s scary Kat, but you gotta look at it.” Jane says as she knelt in front of Katherine.
The fifteen year old took a deep breath, as she glanced down at the results. Two pink lines. “That means I’m pregnant, doesn’t it?” Kat asks, through teary eyes as Jane nodded her head slightly.
“It’s gonna be okay, we’re all here for you.” Jane promises.
“Well Anne and I might end up in jail.” Anna speaks up as Jane glares over at her.
“No one is ending up in jail if we have something to take care of.” Jane says through gritted teeth as the A girls both stood there quietly. Finally Catalina stepped forward and leaned down beside Kat, “Look lovey, we’re not mad at you and I promise that we will not go after Liam, but do you think you have an idea of what you wanna do? So we can help you with it? Do you need to go to a doctor’s to make sure you and the fetus are okay? Or do you want us to take you to Planned Parenthood? Because I will do whatever you need, whenever you’re ready.” Catalina promises and Kat’s couldn’t take her eyes off the test.
She also couldn’t believe what Catalina was saying to her either. Catalina was heavily religious, though she never pushed it onto the other girls, but Kat always thought that she was against abortions, but maybe she was wrong on Catalina’s standpoint and she felt bad for assuming. “Is it okay if I’m not sure now?” Kat asks as she glances up at the older girl.
“Take your time figuring it out Kat, we are here for you.” Catalina says, gently patting Kat’s shoulder, “We got you.”
“I think you should talk with Liam before you make a big decision, but it’s your body and it’s your choice. And he goes against that, then we will go after him. He can’t dictate what you decide.” Cathy adds as Anna nods her head in agreement. Kat looked over one of her cousins for some guidance.
“Annie, what should I do?” Kat asks as Anne meets her eyes.
“Personally Kat, if you want to keep it, I think you should, if you don’t, like Catalina said, I will be right there holding your hand through the whole thing. And I will murder Liam if he forces you into one decision or another. You’re like my baby sister and I will protect you through anything.” Anne answers.
“If I keep it, I’m gonna seem like the school slut.” Kat states as she receives a chorus of no’s. She had her group, but it was a small group and they attended a rather large school if she did keep the baby, then word would get out as she got further into the pregnancy.
“Well if you keep it, I’ll get pregnant too, so if they wanna talk about you, then they have to talk about me too.” Anne replies as Catalina looked at her with the dumb look she gave Anne, every time she said something stupid.
“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve all week.” Catalina says.
“No I’m dead serious, if she keeps it. I’ll start a damn pregnancy pact, the rest of you are welcome to join me.” Anne says bluntly as she crosses her arms.
“Why?” the rest of the girls question.
“Like I said, they can’t be mean to Kat if it’s more than one of us.” Anne replies as Kat was so confused and shocked to say anything in reply.
“Well then I’m into too.” Jane says, nodding her head as Kat looked at her with a shocked face. Now Catalina was looking at Jane with her dumb look too. Sometimes she couldn’t handle the cousins, because they say this stuff.
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from the discard pile: Geralt, Emhyr, Yennefer
This was from what was supposed to be a long plotty story called “Strange Bedfellows,” which I finally admitted I’m not ever actually going to do anything with. So instead here’s the emotional core I actually cared enough to write, which is essentially the follow-up to Geralt and Emhyr’s conversation at Stygga, which the game kinda... skimmed over. The context, as much as it needs any, is that they’re in Nilfgaard for Ciri’s wedding, and in the previous scene Geralt and Yennefer saved Emhyr from an assassin at a banquet.
"Can I ask you something?"
"I'm sure I won't be able to stop you," Emhyr said, very dry.
Geralt briefly considered whether or bringing this up while Emhyr was trapped in bed was entirely fair. Then he decided he didn't give a shit, and asked anyway. "Why did you change your mind, back at Stygga?"
Emhyr was silent for a long time. So long, that Geralt gave up on looking politely out of the window and twisted around to face him, curious what emotion had caught hold of his tongue. Whatever it was, it wasn't visible, not even to Geralt's heightened vision. His face was pale, but that was just as likely to be the blood loss; his jaw was set, but that could be anything from lingering pain to irritation at Geralt's effrontery. Geralt was pretty good at reading people, after all these years, but he'd never been able to read Emhyr worth a damn.
"I suppose you'd like me to say that it was your blandishments that swayed me," Emhyr said, after a time.
Geralt snorted. Figures he'd try a run-around. "What I'd like is for you to tell me the truth."
"The truth is complicated, witcher. Surely you've learned that much, if nothing else."
"I learned it years before the crown first touched your father's head," Geralt said evenly. "That doesn't mean I don't have a right to ask for it."
"No, I suppose not," Emhyr said, glancing wryly at his leg. "Very well then, if truth you would have of me, then truth you shall receive. Your speech was not without impact; I won't deny you that. 'If the world is to be saved like that, it would be better for it to perish.' Yes, I remember the words exactly," he added, to Geralt's no-doubt-surprised expression. "There is very little I have forgotten about that day, our conversation least of all. But that wasn't what changed my mind."
"Yennefer," Geralt said softly. He'd suspected as much for years, but it was Emhyr's very unwillingness to say it aloud that confirmed his pet theory. "It was Yennefer."
Emhyr's jaw worked, in temper or self-loathing Geralt couldn't tell, but one thing he'd never been was a coward, and after a moment he nodded. "Yes."
Emhyr wasn't the only one who remembered that day. Geralt could still hear Yennefer's words as if she spoke right into his ear. Please, as far as possible, don't harm my daughter. I wouldn't want to die with the thought that she's crying.
"You couldn't bring yourself to hurt Ciri," Geralt said. "Could you? Not even for the fate of the world. No matter what you said."
"No," Emhyr said. His voice was harsh. "I knew it when I saw her, I think, but your lady's words were nonetheless… impactful, on that front. Perhaps I would have understood sooner, had I thought there was a limit to my barbarity. For I am of course a monster, far worse than any you were raised to slay, but even I… I note you show no signs of leaping to convince me otherwise," he added, with something not unlike amusement.
"What, you want me to lie to you now? You know what you are. What you've done."
Emhyr nodded far more readily. "Oh, yes. And whatever you think me capable of, witcher, I can assure you I've done far worse. And yet in that moment I knew that this one thing, this final monstrosity in a long line of them, was the one I couldn't bring myself to accomplish." He shrugged, as if the memory didn't pain him, but Geralt saw faint lines of strain at the corner of his mouth. "So I didn't."
"Just like that." Geralt knew he sounded skeptical, but he couldn't quite help himself. "Fifteen years you spent, working towards this exact end, and then just- never mind?"
"What do you want me to say?" Emhyr spread his hands. "I couldn't bring myself to do it; therefore, it couldn't be done. And if it couldn't be done, then the prophecy that demanded it must have been false."
"Vilgefortz," Geralt said, still bitter all these years later. "You trusted a prophecy given to you by Vilgefortz."
Emhyr shrugged again. "He had, until then, been a very useful ally."
"Because he wanted to kill Ciri," Geralt said. "After impregnating her, aborting the fetus, and taking the blood, as many times as it took to drain her power. He wanted to make himself into a living god. That was who you trusted?"
"I don't trust anyone," Emhyr said. "And he was not the only one to espouse that particular interpretation of Ithlinne's Prophecy. It was only after Cirilla's disappearance that I was able to lay hands on an older version of the text, one uncorrupted by imperfect translations. Had I located it earlier, things might have been different."
"Yeah," Geralt said tiredly. He knew that feeling, all too well. "Gotta admit: really fucking wish you had."
"On that point, witcher, you and I can readily agree."
Geralt sighed and looked out the window again. Why is it always towers, he wondered. Thanedd, Stygga, Tor Gvalch'ca - even Tesham Mutna was a tower, once upon a time. Just once, it'd be nice to have my world turned upside down in a nice sunny meadow or maybe an orchard. Just for a change of pace.
Then again, Ciri had left him by the side of the road, and that had been the worst day of his life. Maybe he should be careful what he wished for.
"May I ask you a question in return?"
Geralt turned back with a quirk of his eyebrow. "It's not like you to ask permission."
Emhyr gestured wryly to his leg. "The alternative seems discourteous, considering."
"Not like you to care about that, either." But it turned out his curiosity was stronger than his desire to get the last word, so he flicked his fingers in absent permission. "Sure. Hit me."
And because Emhyr had never held back in his life, he didn't hesitate but immediately said, "Do you ever regret saving me, when Calanthe bid you to strike?"
"No."
Emhyr's pause was fractional, but it was long enough to know that Geralt had actually surprised him. "That was definite."
"What's the point of regretting something when neither of us really had a choice? All the shit you did, everything that happened because of that - it happened because it needed to happen. Don't fool yourself, Duny. It was all destiny. Not just the parts that made it into the ballads."
A muscle in Emhyr's jaw flexed - yeah, didn't like that, did he, the thought he wasn't the supreme agent in his own life. Good. Let him get a taste of what the rest of the mortals felt.
"And is that the only reason?"
This time Geralt was the one holding silent, struggling with his response. Not because he didn't know the answer, but because he did, and it might not be the one Emhyr wanted to hear. And while he liked to tweak the tiger's tail as much as the next guy - okay, way more than the next guy - he had a feeling that if he got this one wrong, he was losing a lot more than just the emperor's forbearance of his usual disrespect.
Well, no other way but through, as Vesemir liked to say. It wasn't like Emhyr wouldn't be able to tell if he was lying even if he did want to try it. Might as well be honest and hope for the best.
"Ciri," he said. "Without you, there never would've been her."
"Not, strictly speaking, true," Emhyr countered swiftly. Not an unexpected answer, then. Which wasn't the same as welcome. "Pavetta was already pregnant. That was, after all, the nature of your claim."
Geralt made a gesture, wiping away that argument. "She would have existed, true. Who knows, maybe she still would have ended up on your throne. But she wouldn't have been Ciri. She wouldn't have been the Witcher Girl."
"Are you so certain?" Emhyr inquired. "As you say, destiny is a powerful thing. And a river, denied its intended course, will jump its banks and carve a new one through unweathered ground. How can you be so sure she would not have been promised to you regardless?"
Geralt snorted. "You think Calanthe would have opened herself up to the Law of Surprise? After watching you make a claim on her daughter? No. And I wouldn't have thought to ask, either - only did because you kept insisting, and that only happens for one reason."
Emhyr made a thoughtful little mhm noise. "And so, for your intervention, destiny bound us together in that moment in time, so that it might create a savior of a very particular shape. A witcher girl, a learned sorceress, a killer with a will of steel. The child of the Elder Blood that would face the White Frost and save us all from extinction."
"Well, that's what the prophecy said, anyway," Geralt said. "I never gave a shit about any of that. All I cared about is that for a little while, she was mine."
After a long moment, Emhyr said, "You must hate me very much."
Geralt didn't pretend to misunderstand. It would have been easy: he had a lot of reasons to hate the Emperor of Nilfgaard, and every single one of them was earned. But Geralt had never been one to take the easy path, so instead he said, "You know, back then - before Thanedd, I mean - everyone from Triss to fucking Djikstra was always so eager to tell me that I couldn't hold onto her, that she didn't belong with me. Even Vesemir. Even Yen. But you know what's funny? I never thought otherwise. Crossed half the world to find her, but it wasn't because I thought I could keep her. Only ever wanted to keep her safe."
"Interesting," Emhyr murmured. His gaze lingered on Geralt's face, missing nothing. "I was certain you blamed me for taking her away."
"Guess you had to be wrong about something," Geralt muttered, and rubbed a hand over his face. "No, I always knew she was meant for bigger things. Okay, so I didn't guess this," and he waved a hand toward the window, meaning the city, the realm, the bloody continent now held in the palm of Ciri's sword-calloused hand. "But something more than slaughtering drowners at ten crowns a head. And even if I did - what'd be the point blaming you, anyway? It was Ciri's choice. Think I'm going to be mad at her for trying to make the world better?"
"Interesting," Emhyr said again. It was impossible to read his expression, but that didn't stop Geralt from trying. "I underestimated you, it seems. Again. Not a condition I suffer often, and yet it's become very nearly a habit where you are concerned."
Geralt snorted. "I wouldn't worry about it. Doubt you'll have much opportunity in the future."
"Do you think?" The effort of the conversation seemed to be tiring Emhyr out; even his hawkish gaze was beginning to blur. "And yet here you sit, witcher. And here I lie, when by all rights I should be dead. I'm not so certain that we are done, you and I. Destiny might have something in store for us yet."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Emhyr fell asleep soon after, which Geralt figured was just as well; he needed a little silence in his head. He didn't want to think about what Emhyr had said. What was the point? If he was right, fate would reveal her fickle hand sooner or later; nothing mere mortals could do to hurry it along. You could go mad, trying to live your life like that. And in the end it didn't matter - you'd do the right thing, or you wouldn't, and you could never know which was which, not really. The best you could do was make the choices in front of you, and try not to let yourself regret.
It was about two hours later when he heard someone approaching down the hall. Geralt roused himself from his light meditation and tracked the footsteps - one set of heels clicking against the marble and one set of soft leather slippers, designed to be nearly inaudible to human ears - until they reached the door. It opened silently on oiled hinges, followed by the whisper of fabric and displaced air from a bow.
"Thank you, Mererid. That will be all."
"Of course, my lady."
The door closed once more. Footsteps tapped closer - quieter now, making an effort. A gloved hand rested on his shoulder, delicate yet firm. Geralt inhaled the familiar smell of lilac and gooseberries and relaxed for the first time since he saw light flash on the assassin's blade.
"How is he?" Yennefer asked, keeping her voice low.
"Better. Sleeping. He was up for a while earlier, though. Didn't seem addled-" Massive understatement. "Just tired. Probably good as new in a day or two." He picked up her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist, right where her cuff and glove left a gap. The steady throb of her pulse under his lips leeched away a little more of the day's poison. "What about Ciri?"
"Cloistered with Rousarde, Vattier, and about a dozen imperial accountants. One of Vattier's men managed to track down the account used to make the payment, and they're currently following the thread through a series of shell companies at Central Banking. Rousarde assures me it's only a matter of time until they find the source of the money."
"Must have a lot of it, whoever they are," Geralt said. "Killing an emperor can't be cheap."
"If you combined all of the contracts you've ever completed in the entirety of your years on the Path, you might approach the payment that young man would have enjoyed had you not intervened." Yen laid her palm against his cheek, stroking the hinge of his jaw with her fingers. Her gaze was very warm, though her glove was as cool as ever. "You did very well, you know. I didn't get a chance to say as much earlier."
"Wasn't the only one. Potions wouldn't have done shit if you hadn't held him steady long enough for them to work."
Yen inclined her head in acknowledgement. "Consider the practice I've had in that arena. I could almost thank Avall'ach for getting himself cursed."
"Wouldn't if I were you."
"No, probably not the done thing."
They shared an exhausted smile, and then Geralt decided she was still entirely too far away and tugged at her wrist. She gave him an unamused look, but acceded to his silent plea and stepped over the footstool to climb gracefully into his lap. He held still, allowing her to arrange their limbs to her satisfaction, and then buried his nose into the silken fall of her hair and inhaled gratefully.
"You should get some sleep," she said, after a few minutes had passed.
Geralt didn't bother responding.
"I know you must be very tired."
"Ciri said guard," Geralt said, and left the remainder unspoken, too obvious to need words: so I guard.
Yen's shoulders rose and fell in a sigh. "You're going to sit here until Ciri comes to tell you otherwise, aren't you?"
Geralt didn't bother responding to that either.
Her head shifted on his shoulder, and he knew she'd turned to regard the bed, or more precisely its occupant. "He looks quite peaceful like that, doesn't he?"
Geralt only barely held back a snort, which was sure to wake Emhyr as their quiet voices hadn't. Not a lot of people laughing around the emperor. "It's a trick."
"Yes, of course, but it's quite a good one." She was playing with laces of his doublet, winding the string about her fingers and then unwinding it the opposite direction. It made a tiny shushing noise, a fractional rasp of fabric against skin, that was oddly soothing. "He was awake earlier, you said?"
"Yeah."
"Did he say anything?"
"Oh, yeah."
He felt her frown against the side of his throat. "It went that poorly, then?"
"Yeah- well, no. I guess. Hard to tell, with him."
"Of that, I am entirely too aware." Shh, shh, went the laces. Yen rubbed her thumb thoughtfully against the little v of skin below his collarbone. Nilfgaardian fashion favored closed collars, but he'd had a rough day. "What does he want from us, Geralt? Really."
"You mean, besides saving his life?"
She let out an impatient huff of air. "Yes, aside from that."
"I think... I think he wants absolution," Geralt said slowly, puzzling it out even as he spoke. "Or- he wants to want absolution, and he's hoping like hell that's close enough to count."
"But why us?" Yen said, with a plaintive cast Geralt heard only very rarely. "Surely Ciri-"
Geralt sighed. "He loves Ciri more than any other person alive," he told her, too tired to be anything but honest. "And I'm pretty sure he knows he doesn't deserve her." He tucked her head a little more firmly under his chin. "Would you be honest, if you were in his shoes?"
There was a brief, sullen silence. "No," Yen said, finally. "I don't even like it with you."
That was at least halfway a lie, and anyway, Yen didn't think she deserved him, either. (She didn't think he knew that, but he wasn't an idiot. He totally knew.) Before, he hadn't been in any kind of hurry to disillusion her in case she noticed it went the other way around; these days, he was finally starting to figure out that they just about deserved each other. Yen wasn't there yet, but that was okay. They had time.
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