#i don't have many positive dating experiences from when i was a teen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Are age gaps always a bad thing? Is it possible to be at a different 'level' from someone else your own literal age?

I'm 21 but I really don't feel it. Many of my friends are very mature and know what they're doing with their lives but I don't. I feel several years behind everyone else and, in terms of experience, I am. I got out of a cult that forbade a lot of normal teen stuff and tried to have more experiences, then covid hit and my pre-existing health condition-having self avoided people like the plague. I worry that by the time I feel ready for a relationship, everyone my age will be too far ahead of me.

One of my friends is 19. They dated a 17 year old. This is the kinda relationship antis start shit over when it's fictional. I think it's probably fine - I can believe that a 17yo is a bit more mature and a 19yo is a bit more immature. But some of my friends seem bothered by it so I'm not sure what I should think.

What is normal and okay?

--

Many people feel out of step with their supposed peers. Age gaps aren't inherently bad, but I don't necessarily think they're the answer to feeling out of step.

What is normal and okay are relationships that are healthy for the people involved. These are relationships that respect boundaries and provide support and positive feelings for both/all parties. That's how you judge health, not absolute metrics like age.

I'm sorry I can't give you a clear-cut rule. I know how difficult it is to just "trust your gut" if your instincts were honed in a cult. Your internal compass is all wonky. (You'd be surprised how many people I know who were raised in cults.)

17 and 19 is commonplace. It's only in the rarefied atmosphere of tumblr and such that people think it's a problem. I have no idea if your friends' relationship is healthy or not without knowing them.

For you at 21, I get feeling behind, but I wouldn't go for someone significantly younger, personally. If you're in college, dating another college student makes sense, but I wouldn't date anyone not yet in college.

Instead, I would look for other people who also feel out of step. Hell, I might look for someone older who's gone through what you're going through. It's not only cults that do it: an illness or a tragedy in the family can put people "behind" in similar ways. Neurotic perfectionist types also just tend to feel behind because they think they should have it all figured out by now.

But nobody actually has it figured out. Sorry.

It's fine to go sow some wild oats and recreate some of the teen experiences that you missed, but don't imagine that even people with "regular" adolescences all had the Hollywood version of everything. Sometimes, you imagine you're missing out on a lot more than you actually are. It's not about the experiences: it's about your feelings of incompleteness. Sometimes, you fix it by going out and getting those experiences. Sometimes, you fix it by working on the feeling themselves.

I do think there can be ages where it feels like everyone else is getting married and doesn't want to go out partying or like everyone settled down before you and nobody worth having is left when you want to settle down yourself, but that shit tends to be in your late 30s, and it's still a mistake to take a general tendency as a rule for your own life. Plenty of individual people settle down or still want to party at any age.

21 is a tough age because every year or two feels like a huge gap. But even by 25 and certainly by 30, it stops being like that. There just isn't that much difference between a bunch of adult coworkers. I know plenty of people who got together with somebody 20 years older but who was a hobby or work peer. And sure, occasionally, it's some old person creeping on nubile young things because they're a jackass, but just as often, it's reasonable adults connecting because they have things in common.

Most people's 40s are a fuckton better than their 20s, no matter what media tells you. Tumblr is full of people wondering when the lies on TV will come true in their 20-something lives. The pandemic derailed so many people's plans too. You're much less alone than it feels.

It's normal to feel at sea in a world that's on fire. Give it a couple of years, dude. Nobody has it figured out anyway, but especially nobody has it figured out in 2022.

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multiplicity-positivity · 7 months

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Hey weirdish question, do you think it would be weird to ask my father/siblings about my childhood? I want to remember more about my life growing up, I know it sucked and I have some memories about how it sucked, but I've also lost more memories, not just from dissociation but from a history of concussions and so I hard remember even my teen years as a minor even though I'm only 20 and I just want to know more? I feel really bad about never remembering things, like I forget birthdays, important events, vacations with my father (probably the happiest points of my life since I was away from my mother) and it just feels so bad. I also have second question, how do I figure out if I'm disordered or not? I have aphantasia so I can't inner communicate but a lot of my alters are very similar to "me" "me" being the fronting consciousness seems to always be here even if I specifically am not, and we do seem to generally retain some memories between us but we're still constantly losing memories and time within a week of forming said memories but I don't know that you could call that amnesia?

-Newt

Hi! We’ll try to answer these questions to the best of our ability!

Would it be weird to ask your father/siblings about your childhood?

We don’t know you or your family, and this will seriously depend on the dynamics you have with your family members and how each of them view y’all’s collective history! Is there any chance they might have harmed you in your childhood, or might become defensive if you ask about your history? Are you in a place now where you are safe and/or independent?

As a system who also has lots of amnesia surrounding our childhood, we honestly haven’t been able to recover many memories through conversations with our family. If someone tells us something that happened to us in childhood, it feels to us like a story or something that happened to someone else. We haven’t been able to recover many memories this way. We’re not a doctor and we’re not sure how amnesia really works entirely, but asking other people to recount your childhood may not be the best way to try and recall memories you’ve lost.

However, if your father has pictures, a photo book, or some other sort of album containing images from your positive experiences in childhood, it may be worth it to ask about this. Many parents do keep some sort of photo evidence of their children’s lives and upbringings. Looking at images or videos of your youth might help to jog your memory!

When it comes to keeping track of events in your life, you could try keeping a calendar in which you write down important dates like birthdays and future important events. We keep track of these things in our phone’s calendar, which can actually alert us when the event is approaching, so it’s super helpful! Without some sort of calendar/alert system, it would be incredibly difficult for us to keep up with everything in our lives! 😅

And with regards to your second question: How to tell whether or not you are disordered, that’s really tricky and the answer will vary vastly from system to system (and even headmate to headmate)!

We wrote a post outlining our own system’s experience with disordered plurality. We’re just going to link it in hopes that it may help answer this question! We do believe that it’s up to the individual, not any outside party, to determine whether or not an experience they live with is disordered or not.

We also wrote a post specifically about dissociative amnesia, with our experience and some additional resources! Maybe it can help y’all figure out whether or not you’re experiencing amnesia to some extent.

We hope this helps! Good luck with everything, Newt - we hope that if you do talk to your family it goes really smoothly!

🌷 Corrie and 🐢 Kip

#long post #disordered system #amnesia

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someheroescarryfloss · 8 months

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What are the top three most questionable choices your muse has made? Do you agree with them? Why or why not?

Hmm...that's a tough one to answer. Beware, for here thar be spoilers!

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1. When Tooth Fairy is the Fairy equivalent of a teenager, say about fifteen or sixteen, he and a group of his friends snuck out at night and one of them stole a cask of dandelion wine. Not wanting to be the odd man out, he drank with the rest of them, and ended up with a terrible hangover the next day. Aside from that, his father was very disappointed, and that was probably what hurt the most.

I should say I disagree with what he did, but I'm actually neutral on that one because it was just normal teen rebellion and he learned from the experience.

2. He withdrew from his best friend Connor when the latter began dating and then got married, and he did so out of loneliness and jealousy. This caused a rift in their friendship that took many years to heal.

I disagree with his choice here, but I also understand it. And again, he learns from the experience.

3. And this one is the real spoiler, because I haven't written about this yet or alluded to it here, and I don't know when I'll get to it. After TF gets together with Alpha, the girl who was his first crush invites him to a 'group lunch' with her and a few others, but she ends up being the only one there. Alpha, who the girl reluctantly invited through him when he mentioned her, was unable to make it. Despite his misgivings about it just being the two of them (he is told the rest of the group is 'late'), he joins her for lunch and grows increasingly uncomfortable when they don't arrive. Finally, she makes a pass at him and he immediately rejects her and leaves to tell Alpha what happened.

There's a lot more to it than that, but that's the general gist. I disagree with his decision to stay for lunch as this puts him in a very awkward position, and could have jeopardized his relationship with Alpha.

#Ooc #Questions about the muse #Spoilers!#Content warning for alcohol #@annastrxng

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thedreadvampy · 1 year

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So I had a really positive Hey We Are Healing therap today. talked about what a difference the gym's making bc it's such a new experience to have the response from a trainer/teacher/tutor when I say "I can't do this because of XYZ" to not be "well guess you can't do it" or "well try harder" but "ok that's good to know, let's work out a way we can get you to bring able to do it"

that was nice. that's not the point. The point is I left feeling really positive and then somehow 10 minutes into my half hour walk home I started really fixating on a couple of Bad Experiences from my teens that have LITERALLY nothing to do with ANYTHING we were talking about today. or anything or anyone I've been thinking about/dealing with lately.

[advice gratefully accepted. some moderately detailed Trauma Stuff under the cut before I get to the thing I'd like advice on. tw for rape/sexual assault.]

I really want to tell two of the friends I still have from school about something that happened with my ex when I was 18. I really do want to tell them. I don't think I ever will. whatever 🙃

but I was like rehearsing in my head what I wanted to tell them and then I jumped from there to like. my general experience of high school boyfriends (It Was Not Good) and I got like. stuck. on this specific thing that happened when I was I think probably 18 or 19?

I think we'd left school and moved away and we were getting back together at New Year to catch up after not having seen each other for months. It was at a party at my friend's house and I was quite drunk and I really only remember flashes. anyway the upshot is his mum came in to find me mostly naked and almost unresponsive in my friend's bedroom with two of my exes (different exes. not the ex from the other thing) Doing Things. and she threw them out of the house and I was in floods of tears because I thought it was my fault and I very very vaguely remember my friend coming up to comfort me and he sat with me for the rest of the night.(I only remember anything about what happened after the blowup because I remember him being really firm that nobody blamed me or was mad at me, and I remember how I felt about that)

anyway I haven't talked to him much in the last decade, we've messaged and said hey hi I miss you we should hang out periodically but we live quite far apart and neither of us have had much call to be in the other's city for many years. but like. I really really really want to message him and be like hey I don't know if you remember this night, but if you do can you tell me what you think happened? like what it seemed like from your perspective? because my experience was really really interior and I also have literally no memories before or after.

I remember sitting on the stairs because I felt sick and overwhelmed and needed to get away from the party because I could hardly hold my head up. I remember my ex coming and sitting next to me and talking about how he hadn't had sex since we were dating and it was Literally Killing Him and he was going to die of it. then I think I have like a brief flash of both him and my other ex who was his best friend maneuvering me into the bedroom. then my friend's mum shouting and then getting kicked out and me being really confused and distressed that she wasn't angry with me, I thought it was because I was crying and she felt bad. then after that nothing again except the vague memory that I was comforted and sat with.

ANYWAY sorry I didn't mean to get into that either. because the thing is like. I really want to message and ask my friend what if anything he remembers. like what other people think happened. but. aside from the fact he may well say 'no I don't remember' I'm thinking like. It's kind of a dick move to message someone you've barely spoken to in years on a Thursday night and be like hey man can we have a potentially really unpleasant conversation? like I don't know what's up in his life I don't know if he's busy I don't know if he's ok (and also. he's very much the guy who only communicates through jokes memes and nonsense phrases. so it's a pretty big tone jump.)

like I think he would want to help. but I also don't think it's fair to just jump something on him. but I also won't. get to the point if I try to do a soft lead in. and all this is assuming he actually remembers.

so my question, if you've made it this far, is like. if you were this guy and your bestie from school who you've not talked to in a million years was like 'hey dude how's it going? weird question this Thursday night. do you remember a specific new year party when we were like 18 and your mum kicked [name] and [name] out of the house?' how would you. feel about that? what if you didn't remember? what if your memory of it was that it was mostly fine? what if your memory of it was that it was really awful and concerning?

like. should I message him? or should I just process it on my own?

#red said #re the question under the cut. he is. an incredibly good guy. i don't think he'd get mad at me for asking #but i don't want to make his life harder #especially because he really truly was such an absolute lifesaver #(ps for reading under the cut: the friend I'm talking about in the second story is gay and our relationship has always been 100% platonic)

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micaathogwarts · 1 year

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the words Aromantic and Asexual seems to get scrarier with time for me

TW: I'll discuss my fear of not being accepted for my identity, not finding a place in society because of it. +long post

For context: I'm 21, closeted ace and on the aro spectrum, never had a relationship or a crush before. This is obviously just my experience, i think that maybe also other people feel similarly in some way. I don't have many chances to talk to other aro/ace people so I'd love to hear from you! If you agree or not with my little rant, If you feel in somewhat similar or if you have different experience! obvs asexuality and aromanticism are spectrums and everyone have unique experiences so I'd love to hear yours!

(P.S. english is not my first language so I hope this is overlall understandable! plus I hope it does not sound as some kind internalised aphobia or discrimination: I am really proud and happy in my identity yet I am afraid that is will not be positively percived or understood)

I distintively remember being 15 and seing these words for the first time. I remember the confusion and the weird sense of understanding and belonging. But also I remember thinking "it is kinda ok if i am ace, my family would never know, ask or get mad because I don't have sex". (this may sound like a weird thing to think but understanding that you are queer, that others feels things differently than you, in a traditional, conservative enviroment may be scary and i though this would be easier).

I mean obviously i understood a lot about me and others in that moment, and I'd be lying if i say that my identity never made my feel distant or isolated from friends and other teens. (classmates talk about their crushes, relationship, experience all the time. Adult and professor akwardly talking about attraction and "active sexuality" as something normal, scientifical, biological that will eventually happen to everyone). But I have always been kinda shy and I was a good student in highschoold, adults and friends never questioned about me too much. True, maybe romantic relationship are kinda expected during your teenage years but everyone around me seemed to think that I was just "shy and focused". Ace and Aro label seemed much easy to hide and, most importantly I feelt like if others would ever come to know of it, it would not be a big deal.

But few years can make a great difference in what society expects from you. Once highschool was over it seems like being "shy and focused" was not worth of any praise anymore, quite the contrary actually: relatives started asking if I had a "boyfriend", closer family members started wondering if I liked girls, closer friends, who usually did not discuss relationship before, started looking for partners, dating and sharing their experiences and often it felt like I was just left out of the conversation. I started realising how I misjudged the situation before: being aroace is not as invisible as I though and it is actually a big deal!

It is a big deal and I didn't realise cause i greatly understimated how much of a big deal romance and sex were to everyone else in "adult" life. I realised that Hetero/Amatonormative Relationship are seen like a compulsory step to take in life, necessary to grow up, necessary for a stable adult life: I realised it by seeing that 75% of instagram posts written by students on university page are about realationships, sex, love, finding other attractive (it is almost like I forgot about a fundamental side quest: get a partner, for the main quests: get a deegree) I realised it by hearing my friend asking each other about their dates and encouraging eachother to join dating apps. I realised it by seeing online how people talk about celebrities love life, from the young woman who broke up with her boyfriend and in now a "different" person to the way people comment when they hear a boy in his 20s saying he had never kissed anyone. Love is compulsory, everyone my age is either in love or should be looking for love....

And I feel like it will only get worst: soon the people I grew up with will all be in relationship or looking for love and my closet will get more and more see-through with time and as much as I am proud of my identity I am deeply afraid of others reaction to it. And then they will get marryed and maybe I will not, and this society is weirdly couple-shaped, I almost cannot imagine living fully alone for the rest of my life.

(obv I know that aroace people can have relationship, I am aware I may even fall deeply and desperatly in love tomorrow morning but what I was trying to say is that if I still be as I am in this moment the way my closeted identity will suface always more and I am afraid of how others will treat me then.)

(I know this all posts sound dramatic, i hope it is not too unreliable tho!)

#asexuality #aromantic #ace #aro #aroace #lgbt+#personal rant #text post

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babblingstacey · 2 years

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And that's it for the Teenage Kick series. This was a lot of fun and I really loved these teens. I may go back to Laia & Jazz to play their college years; I left all the TK sims in positions to go forward - except of Iggy of course since I already did that series.

It feels strange to have a full ending to a series...usually they just sorta peter out.

But I'm excited for something new now.

Some of my thoughts and opinions on HSY below the cut (and mods I used to fix the weirdness).

I enjoyed HSY more than I though I would - I think it will be something to incorporate in every gameplay going forward, even if I don't live in Copperdale (note: I can't tell you how many times I've called it Cooperfield or Cooperdale). Honestly, it's just nice to have something different for the teens, easily the most boring age to me. (now it's kids because I've played all the aspirations so many times).

I didn't have any of the game breaking bugs - never had an issue was saving, etc - but there were many annoyances. Thank goodness for modders.

Sims randomly asking my active Sim - no matter who it is - to be BFFs/Prom Dates. This was so annoying, especially when they barge into houses to ask super inappropriate Sims, like kids. LittleMsSams's new mod really helped, though teens would still randomly barge into the house sometimes. If I saw them in the house, I just used MCCC to get them to leave.

Social Bunny Randomness. I got really annoyed by all the pillow fight or prom posts (that never happened) by my sims. I also hated the mean messages that would pop up from played sims that wouldn't happen or the bugs where my Sims would post messages to themselves. I hope they create more interesting posts - I haven't found a mod for it but I think they exist. I just stopped checking it in game. My teens only had other teens as friends so I didn't have the really inappropriate ones from adults or kids.

Constant playing on phones. Modded that immediately. I don't care if it's real life, it was annoying.

The active school classmates. I have Rex's ChooseYourClassmates mod but I couldn't get it to work. Didn't matter as much when I had all 5 of my teens going together but I tried a couple of times. Maybe I'm just dumb.

Wants/Fears. this didn't bother me as much - until Laia got her side hustle and nearly immediately got the "dead end job" fear. The fear of unfulfilled dreams was annoying - but eventually I could get it to go away when I'd finally get a want I could fulfill for them. But the dead end job was really annoying and I see it getting even more annoying with my usual gameplay. I did download MissHissy's Hopes & Fears mod so I hope that helps.

Other mods I used: Longer Prom (beichen), More BFF (@littlemssam - I actually had that one already TBH), Take Exam fix and Stop Changing Phone Color (@littlemssam again - I had forgotten I had immediately downloaded the phone one so this never has bothered me since the first week). There are probably others but those I feel gave me the best HSY experience.

#TeenageKicksGameplay #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #simblr #LaiaAkbar #FelicityMcGuire #JazzDavis #iggy pancakes #AriPark

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loominggaia · 1 year

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Probably NSFW question (please ignore if not allowed) but how did the FGG lose there virginities?

NSFW questions are totally allowed! Since the answer may contain NSFW text, I'm putting it behind a cut.

This is actually a good question. I had to think on it for a bit. Different people have their own opinions about what "counts" as sex. Some people believe it doesn't count if you didn't have PIV specifically or if your clothes stayed on or whatever, but that isn't my personal belief. I think sex comes in many forms, so in this answer I'm counting any kind of sexual contact as sex.

Evan: Evan talks about this a bit in "First Time for Everything" and "Lost and Found", but when he first contracted lycanthropy as a teen, he used to run around Greenhearst with a bunch of hooligans his age. They used to sneak into the girls' school in the city to hang out with the rebellious girls. I imagine he lost his virginity to one of these girls, though he claims the encounters were "embarrassing" and "awkward" because...well, he was only attracted to other men. He always suspected this about himself, but these encounters really drove it home for him. His first time wasn't very fun, sadly. (Though in "Guest of Honor", he he claims his "real" first time was with Zeffer and it was a wonderful experience, so there's that.)

Lukas: Lukas lost his virginity to his childhood friend, Itanya, in "The Perfect Shot". I believe he was 17. He regards the experience very positively, even though he knows his mother would have killed them both if she caught them. It was worth the risk to him.

Glenvar: Glenvar likes to brag about his sexual escapades and claims he has bastard kids all over the globe, dating back to his teen years. But he's known to exaggerate and even lie, especially if he's been drinking, so who knows how true these stories are. He spent a lot of time at a shitty brothel in Odens when he was 14-16, so I think realistically, he probably lost his virginity to some prostitute when he was young and he was too drunk to remember it. Pretty sad, honestly...

Alaine: Soon after she escaped Sovereign's brainwashing, Alaine fled to Zareen Empire and struggled to find work. No one trusted her because she was a mermaid, so like most of her kind, she tumbled into prostitution to make ends meet. She worked at a brothel from ages 18-20, so her first time was most likely with some John who paid for it. She doesn't talk about this much in the series, I imagine because it's a sore spot for her.

Jeimos: In "Steam", Jeimos claims they're not a virgin but doesn't really go into detail about it. They mention they tried to have sex with a "chap" in a bathtub once, but their uncontrolled pyromancy nearly boiled him alive. This was probably their first time, and it must have been while they were homeless in Viersen. They didn't interact with a lot of people at that time except other homeless red elves, so that's probably who the chap was. Needless to say, it must have been a bad experience for both of them.

Isaac: I personally don't count sexual assault as sex...but if you do, then he lost his virginity to a nymph named Red Orchid in the story by the same name. Other than that, Isaac has had no sexual encounters because he deliberately avoids them. That traumatic event has soured the whole idea for him, but maybe he will feel differently in time.

Linde: Linde claims she's dated "lots of guys" in the past, but at this point in the series we just don't know any details. I can only imagine she met some guy in college, had a generic fling with him, and moved on.

Balthazaar: We haven't gotten much detail about Balthazaar's romantic history either, but considering how handsome he was in his youth, I'm sure he had his fair share of sweethearts. His first time was probably with some Rodangi chick.

Skel: Skel had his first time with his childhood friend, Jasenia, who he planned to marry. Things didn't exactly work out that way but...in any case, he considers that moment one of the finest in his life. I imagine they were young teens just fooling around, and it must have been a positive experience because they went at it like rabbits for years after that...

Javaan: Like Glenvar, Javaan likes to brag about his escapades and bastard children. But unlike Glenvar, Javaan's stories are probably true. He hasn't discussed this in the series yet, but I imagine he lost his virginity when he was quite young, probably to another street urchin he was running around with. He was forced to grow up much faster than he should have, unfortunately.

Elska: Elska is actually still a virgin. However, she once came reeeally close to having sex with a man from her tribe. More specifically, the son of her father's best friend. She was set to marry him, and tradition dictated that she had to have sex with him to validate that marriage. But she backed out at the last minute, and she hasn't let anyone touch her since. This event was mentioned in "The Stash".

Mr. Ocean: Being a cecaelia, the way Mr. Ocean experiences sex isn't quite the same as how other species do. But his first sexual experience was with a human woman named Solveig, and this event was detailed in the short story "Motion of the Ocean".

Zeffer: Zeffer doesn't even remember his first time. He had such a bad alcohol problem in his teens, he'd stumble from bar to bar, drunk as hell, meet random women and follow them home, and wake up in strange beds next to them. It's all an unfortunate blur to him. The first time he can actually remember was with Evan. Evan talks about this in "Guest of Honor", claiming he and Zeffer got trapped in a flooding cave. They thought Evan was going to drown (Zeffer would survive, being a vampire) and Zeffer didn't want poor Evan to die without ever knowing the love of another man, so he took one for the team and boned him down right there in the cave, despite being straight. Funnily enough, the flood waters receded, Evan didn't drown, and Zeffer realized maybe he wasn't as straight as he thought...All in all it was a terrifying yet exhilarating experience for them both.

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

#ask #askliterature #asknsfw #asksexuality

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battyaboutbooksreviews · 3 months

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🦇 With a Little Luck Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD Do you believe in luck or fate? ❓

[ Find my review below or Goodreads | Storygraph | Literal ]

🦇 Jude is perfectly okay with sticking backstage or beyond the spotlight while his twin sister and friend take risks. It's easier to work at his parents' vinyl record store, act as the DM at D&D nights, and draw comics out of the limelight. Jude's luck in life changes when he finds a scarlet D20 die. Suddenly, he can do no wrong. He wins a pair of coveted concert tickets, asks out the most popular girl in school (who he's had a crush on forever), and even finds a record signed by Paul McCartney. What happens when his luck takes a turn for the worst? What happens when he realized that blessing could in fact be a curse?

💜 Disclaimer: I've been a long-time, heart-eyed fan of Marissa Meyer. I get weak for any writer who completes a project during NaNoWriMo, but Marissa Meyer's The Lunar Chronicles series (perhaps my most recommended book here) goes above and beyond. That being said, let's talk about Jude. Jude...sweet, sweet baby Jude. You idiot. You adorkable, nerdtastic little idiot. It's obvious where this is going from page one, bub, and you don't see it. I love you all the more for it, truly. Thank you for occasionally breaking the fourth wall and trusting you with your awkward, nerdy self. I loved every bit.

💜 Meyer flawlessly walks the line between magic and realism, making you question if Jude's D20 is controlling his fate or if it's all circumstance. The message ("Is it good luck. Is it bad?" "Perhaps.") behind this story is as complex as a 20-sided die. It's a message of controlling our own fate, of recognizing that our perception of a situation makes it a positive or negative experience. There's so much going on in this story, yet it's all seamlessly intertwined, much as multiple aspects of our lives are part of our vivid stories. Jude processing reality AND his current D&D campaign by creating a comic series (which we get to see!) was precious, but also incredibly realistic of a creative mind. Every member of Jude's found family is realistic, humanly flawed, each processing internal and exterior conflicts many of us have experienced in our teen years. Perhaps one of my favorites was Maya, the girl Jude has a long-time, unrequited crush on (why did I keep picturing Havana Rose Liu's Isabel from Bottoms? Just me???). No secondary character is wasted; they're all a part of Jude's story. Even watching an adult who seems perfectly confident and put together having an unrequited crush sends a message to Jude. It's never too late, so long as you take your shot.

🦇 I'm generally not a fan of love triangles, and it's quite obvious from the beginning that Jude and Ari are meant to be. So it's a little frustrating to watch him (not quite) date Maya. However, it's entirely realistic. Jude has to experience (not quite) dating Maya to realize he doesn't want to (really) date her. The way he processes it all is very mature but also sweet. It also makes his realization that he's been focused on the impossibility of Maya as a distraction from his true feelings all the sweeter.

🦇 Recommended to fans of Nicola Yoon, Rainbow Rowell, Danika Stone, Jenny Han, or the Just My Luck film (with McFly!...and Chris Pine). For all my fellow nerds (anyone who recognizes Firefly gets a cookie).

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🎲 Young Adult Romance 🐉 Tons of Nerdtastic References ⚔️ A Little Magical Realism 💎 Lyrics and Comics 🧚‍♀️ Friends to Lovers 🏰 Found Family 🎲 Part of a Duology

🦇 Major thanks to the author @marissameyerauthor and publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book.

💬 Quotes ❝ I’ve got a decent imagination, which is almost as good as epic quests and true love. Imagination surpasses real life… what? Ninety percent of the time? Tell me I’m wrong. You’re the one with your nose in a book right now, so I know you agree with me, at least on some level. ❞

❝ “Luck is all about perspective…” “And what you do with the opportunities you’re given.” ❞

❝ “I want to be with you,” I say. “On whatever quest or adventure we go on. I want to be with you. Always. All the time. And I hate that it took me so long to figure that out.” ❞

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caenor-au · 7 months

Text

(in the last paragraph I briefly mention emotional abuse and some of the things it made me feel, but nothing graphic. just putting it here in case you don't want to see that at all.)

you know how a common aro/ace experience is feeling extremely alien and broken until you find out you're aro/ace and now you feel better about yourself since there are words to describe your experience? I had the opposite experience. I thought I was a perfectly normal, straight kid who just didn't want to date prematurely. I even thought I had a crush on more guys than I care to count and that I fall in love easily! and only when I realised that I'm more aro-ace than anything did I think that I'm broken as hell, specifically because I realised I'm aspec. I don't really feel that way anymore but it's interesting that I had an experience that (at least to me) feels extremely unpopular.

it's also interesting that as an older kid I basically viewed myself as hyperromantic, because now I look back at my experience with romance and crushes and such, armed with my older self's knowledge and honestly, in retrospect it's so obvious I was aro even as a kid.

1. I'm pretty sure I experienced alterous attraction at some point (kind of in between romantic and platonic attraction) because with most of my "crushes" we stayed friends (or even had no actual relationship of any kind develop) and as far as I remember I was not at all distressed by this. I was more distressed about witnessing them having good relationships with others, because I've been graciously spared from those many times. to this day I'm extremely jealous of naturally likeable people who effortlessly have multiple good relationships.

2. apparently you can hyperfixate on people as well. as someone who suspects they're auDHD it makes a lot of sense that my "crushes" were less about an actual desire to date and be intimate with someone, and more about "hey this cool new person just stepped into my life. they will now consume all my thoughts". of course a lot of my thoughts were vaguely romantic in nature, because, well, I was a straight girl and what else would you think about when it comes to a cute boy? (there's also something hilarious about looking back at myself from a decade ago and my tween self thinking they're a 100% heterosexual cis girl.)

3. I was also not particularly bothered by being rejected. a supposed crush rejected me back in the day and not only did I not feel sad, it's like I forgot I ever had a "crush" on him. it was basically just an "oh well" moment and I moved on with my day.

4. I did think a fair amount about doing different romantic things but I put absolutely no effort into getting to know people romantically or making those daydreams a reality. when I chose to get to know someone better, it wasn't ever with a clear romantic intent. my desire for romance was very passive (and sex as well, I either didn't imagine most of these people in a sexual light at all, or a friend who knew about my "crush" did the work for me, and only then did I think the same things. my object of romantic and sexual thoughts was often more of a hypothetical unknown someone than an actual person I knew).

5. I had extremely bogus criteria for what makes a random guy a crush. cute? crush. I befriend them and think of them a lot and feel like talking to them? undeniable romantic attraction. I think teen me was just extremely starved of positive attention (most people wouldn't even notice me usually, and my tween/early teen years were the starting point for most of the abuse i went through) and possibly realised early on that as a girl, the only way you should be feeling towards guys was the romantic way. I am not immune to amatonormativity. anyway, in retrospect I did internalise a lot of things without ever thinking my experiences aren't normal or healthy. just like the way I thought your body's responses to emotional abuse (like intense self-hatred, inexplicable guilt, passive suicidal ideation) are a completely normal part of the human experience (because why would your mother, who loves you, wants the best for you, and provides you every material good you could imagine, also abuse you), I thought hypothetically wanting romance but refusing to put in the effort to make it happen was also perfectly normal and how most people operate. I had no reason to think of these things differently until life cruelly opened my eyes to the fact that I'm functionally extremely different from the norm.

6. since I'm probably neurodivergent and my natural state of being is extremely awkward, weird and not too likeable, all these "crushes" could've also been just an elaborate, subconscious attempt to fit in with the rest. just because I regarded my own lived experience as normal, doesn't mean I haven't been unknowingly fed information on what I should be instead of my true self.

tl;dr: as a kid I thought I was a completely normal person until life told me that I'm just about the furthest thing away from "normal", for multiple reasons.

#the alien's original thoughts™#arospec #aromantic #the alien's aromantic experience™#I wonder if anyone can relate to my experiences

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vctorcastellar769 · 9 months

Text

Quake And K-Pop Similarities, Part 2

Another blog, another topic. This time we're starting off with Quake's competitive and most mental-aggregating game mode of all time: Duel.

Duel, is, as we already know, a 1v1 FFA. Obviously, it's a frag-or-be-fragged game mode wherein point-making is the name.

Arena FPS Players and K-Pop Idols share the same goal; Show to-the limit excellency in the competition, or else they'll fall short. Question is, how?

When entering the fate of a K-Pop Star, they'll accept what others call "Slave Contracts" or layman's terms, trainee warrants. Teens as young as 13 will be conditioned to harsh and strict factors. Whether practicing from morning until night time to master a dance routine, maintaining a diet to avoid gaining weight, getting plastic surgery to match up with the Korean beauty standards, or hiding sensitive information that could be ostracized by Korean society. They were not allowed to date nor to not be straight or even go home to their families until they finish their contract. All of this is just for a very slim chance of success, and that is to debut.

To debut, you have to gain experience in the world of dance. As a quote from one of the edited wikis I contributed:

Experience is generally easy to gain as long as one pays attention to, and absorbs, what is going on while they play. When you do something, anything, for long enough, you tend to get accustomed to what is likely to happen, even if you aren’t conscious of it at the time.

Once they debut, they'll be handling a new name, a role in a K-Pop group, and a new behavioral model, all for the sake of branding. When they earn money, most of the chunks of it go to the management company to cover expenses on their music video production or debts from their training period. The rest of their hours in life are dedicated to practicing, broadcasting shows, and conducting concert tours, all it takes to entertain and satisfy the fans' imaginative desires. Combine it with a restrictive diet, and they'll experience a lot of physical and mental tolls. But the support of the group members is present. This is where teamwork and chemistry become paramount as they'll live with them 24/7. The rules still apply from the trainee times with more to follow: they cannot date (they'll break their fans' hearts if they do), cannot be friends with the opposite gender(suspects them of dating, which they don't like), and cannot interact with a member from a rival company (makes the statement "we're not a team, this is competition" to a whole new level).

The dangers in K-Pop Industry are far exceptional, from the companies themselves to the fans as well. Even if a majority of a fanbase of a K-Pop group is supportive and positive, a minority of it decides to do extreme lengths like invading a K-Pop Idol's privacy, or far from worse, harm them with anything that comes close.

And how does it correlate to the Arena FPS player base? On the casual side, it's all egos, emos, and all fun times. On the competitive side, however, is where you'll see the best part.

Back in 2020, as I start my very first ranked Duel on QC, I wasn't sure about what am I supposed to do here, other than fragging my opponent (which is the objective, btw). Still, my confidence didn't waver, until it was match time. The part where I thought it was just another game mode, but I was wrong.

The harsh environment of Duel is why there's a divide between the casual and competitive sides. One-on-one matches are all about personal mastery and the status quo. There's no point in saving others if you can't save yourself. I get beaten down by the players whether I have hundred milliseconds of ping or not. The pain was unbearable to the point that I cry. It is bullshit as aging individuals get to see it, but at that time it changed me.

I still remember the time when I cry because I lost too many matches, that I asked myself, "Why can't I do better? What's wrong with me?"

I guess, after that happened, I've changed for the better by taking matters into my own hands. I started to learn how it works, and how am I supposed to play it. I stayed on it.

This is where I come to an understanding...

Duel is about pushing yourself to the limit, gaining experience and grinding yourself to the turn of the screws so that you master Quake all-in-all, and every duel match wasn't even personal to begin with. The amount of time you can do is not confined to the limit of the human body.

#quake champions #quake #kpop

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gadgetblogger · 2 years

Text

Why Hello! It has been a minute, hasn't it :)

Hiya!!! I'm back.

You are probably wondering, err. who are you ? And back from where? We had no idea you were even around 🤪

Fair point, so let me start with a quick intro / refresher / update and then let me fly with this because I've been bursting to do this for over a year now but my old friend procrastinator keeps visiting.

I'm Lynette, middle aged (45 for another 2 months), tech entrepreneur, mother of 2 teenagers, part time lecturer and most recently a beauty influencer.

YES, you read correctly! Let me explain a bit more which will give you some insight into where I am even going with this blog (that I happened to start over 11 years ago...like how many Tumblr blogs do you see these days, proof that I am one of the OG's of blogging)

Q. So you are a Tech Entrepreneur ? When you started this blog, you just worked in IT or tech right?

A. That is correct. I've been in the tech industry for over 25 years now. About 8 years ago, the company I was at closed down and at the time, there just wasn't a role for me anywhere that got me excited. I had been with this company for over 3 years and cultivated an amazing role for myself as Head of Mobile Apps, Strategy and User Experience but it was more than just a role or a job - it was everything that I loved doing when I was away from my kids. So much so that blogging became a thing of the past.

So 8 years ago I decided if I can't find the role I want, I'll just start up a digital consultancy create it - which I did and I've been going for 8 years.

Starting your own tech company wasn't just working at a tech company anymore - i was and still am the sales person, support person, social media manager, head of PR, head of people, amongst actually creating cool app experiences.

Q. Great, but where does the lecturing fit in?

A. Working in the digital space and breaking boundaries in the app space got me somewhat noticed especially as I was one of the few women doing it, and a woman of colour too. I got approached by various tertiary institutions to product course content for their digital modules a year after I was on my own (yes I was facilitating online learning years before it become the new norm).

A year prior to the pandemic I did take up a contract position at a local university to drive and lead social innovation. It was a lovely thing to do from a personal perspective and to give back the knowledge I had gained over the years to help the youths of this country become employable.

Q. That sounds amazing and hectic, don't you also have kids of your own ? And where does the makeup and beauty stuff come in?

A. Yes i do have two kids and they are teens now, so not as dependent on me as they were when I started this blog. Parenting two teenagers in this modern world is interesting 🤨

The beauty stuff actually came in towards the end of year 1 of the pandemic, back in 2020 , around Black Friday. I remember the date well because it started a crazy makeup addiction. A few months after I decided that I will not buy anymore makeup until I learn how to use it properly. (another thing to fuel that addiction)

I attended numerous Zoom and Instagram live classes in the evenings learning from industry experts globally and challenging myself to create makeup looks and to wear colours I never dreamt of wearing.

At the same time I also decided to become my own skincare therapist (during lockdown those special spa and massage moments became extinct). I've always been passionate about skincare and good skincare practices, thanks to my mother but now with my new found knowledge of makeup, i found I really enjoyed merging those two worlds and getting to understand myself a-lot better and practicing self-care.

Q. Wow, from tech girl to beauty..... and the point of resurrecting this blog is....?

A. To share my love for beauty with everyone so that they can be inspired to try out something new too. Also to connect with people who also have a love for beauty.

I'm 45, I'm not exactly the what the beauty industry displays on their IG feeds but that doesn't stop me from loving taking care of my skin and now experimenting with colour on my face.

There is something empowering when you are able to look into a mirror and like the image you see, with or without makeup on and it took me a while to get to that place. I loved makeup before I took up makeup artistry as a hobby but I was certainly never comfortable wearing a bright red lipstick or glitter eyes. Also if there was an event, I never felt confident or wonderful about myself doing my own makeup, unless I got a pro to do it for me - which wasn't always possible.

I still love getting pros to do my makeup, but it's become a nice to have. Learning and perfecting my techniques daily, while also acquiring product knowledge has empowered me to be in complete control of my appearance and appreciate my beauty and flaws. Reaching this level of confidence has definitely made me better at handling whatever life throws at me. Of course life is never easy, but at least I can do it with a killer smokey-eye and a bold red lip now. ☺️

That's all folks! If you are still reading this, I adore you 😘

Join me daily, sometimes maybe twice or more as I talk and share about my passions which will include :

a bit of Glam - Makeup and all things of beauty to me at the moment

a bit of Geek - Hey, what do you expect, I am also in tech after all

a whole lot of Glow - When you passionate about what you do, your inner glow will always be there

Welcome back to MysTechBlog also known as Geek, Glam and Glow. 🤓💄

Here is my look of the day, which is 90sInspired.

#beauty #tech #over40 #fashion #social media #makeup #skincare #gadgets #self care #wellness

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hillnerd · 2 years

Note

Romione for the ship game :) thank you!

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

How long will they last? -Forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love? -it took time for romantic love to develop- but by 6th year it was love

How was their first kiss? -We saw it, and it was passion and tension finally spilling into a full on snog

Wedding:

Who proposed? -Ron

Who is the best man/men? -harry

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -ginny

Who did the most planning? -hahahahahah hermione

Who stressed the most? -ron bc he wants it perfect for hermione and is seriously worried that somehow she'll leave him at the altar for like 15 minutes bc that’s the sort of thing that worries him in the night. It’s ridiculous of course, but hey- anxiety does stuff to people

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? idk draco?

Sex:

Who is on top? position wise 55% hermione 45% ron top/bottom wise 87% Ron

Who is the one to instigate things? -depends completely

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head i can see them experimenting with things a lot, but sticking to convential intimacy most of the time- but when they experiment they can experiment hard

How long do they normally last? -I think they average 20-30 minutes- they are all about a slow build and lots of different stuff explored- not really into quickies unless there's an element of naughty 'we might get caught' in it

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -No bc Ron wants to rock hermione too hard and girls can orgasm more

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. I don't think it's rough often at all- but sometimes they are passionate as hell

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. they are very cuddly- but hermione is not one to want to cuddle much in front of others- but just them? they are intwined

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? 2

How many children will they adopt? -not sure they do- but they could!

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Ron as he's the stay at home parent

Who is the stricter parent? Hermione

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? both but Ron more often as he's around more at that time of day

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? -Ron- again stay at home dad

Who is the more loved parent? slight margin Ron

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Hermione

Who cried the most at graduation? Hermione

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -Hermione goes FULL extra on this

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Ron- I picture him becoming quite the cook over the years- Hermione is an average cook. Like it’s fine- but only because she found a good recipe- lots of overly dry chicken, food without enough spice, or al dente pasta because she followed the instructions to a T and sometimes you just have to go with what you’re seeing/what tastes better

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Hermione- she is health concious

Who does the grocery shopping? Ron

How often do they bake desserts? more often than Hermione likes

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Ron meat- Hermione salad

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -Ron by slight margin

Who is more likely to suggest going out? -ron- he gets bored with the leftovers after a day or so- and once he's finally gotten okay with spending money he's like 'but it's not a waste of money it's FOOD- the most important thing to spend money on?' hermione:'we have food at home.'

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? -Neither- but by slight margin Ron- he is the WAY better cook- but he also is the sort to try to make a smoker type thing he saw in a book or puts aluminum into a microwave

Chores:

Who cleans the room? -Hermione before they’re older- but eventually Ron is a stay at home dad so he actually ends up cleaning more

Who is really against chores? -Ron because chores suck

Who cleans up after the pets? -both- Ron avoids cat boxes, Hermione doesn’t walk the dog or clean up its poo often

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? -Ron

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? -Hermione

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? -Ron- made his day

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? -on average Hermione bc of her hair care routine

Who takes the dog out for a walk? -Ron

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? -normal amount- they don't do ALL that much beyond a little bit of christmas stuff or maybe a little bit on a birthday.

What are their goals for the relationship? -this question is weird- like what- love one another?

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -Ron- hermione prides herself on waking up at a 'good time' and Ron's like 'good time is whatever time you want- aka 10:15 or later'

Who plays the most pranks? -Ron

#romione #ron weasley #hermione granger

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aegor-bamfsteel · 2 years

Note

Hi! I'm a fan of Dorne, a supporter of Aegon VI, so I don't see much reason to join the fandom, but I've spent enough time to find Aegon Blackfyre having horrible deaths. I often see R's attitudes justified, since then I think there's a lot more to rebellions than what's been presented so far. That said, how do you think Rohanne and Daemon's first date went? How did she feel at court? Or your wedding? The reaction to childbirth? Anything about both of them, please!

By the power invested in me as a member of the ASOIAF fandom (aka: none), I give you, Anonymous, the right to enjoy whatever characters you want to so long as you abide by proper fandom etiquette (don’t tag hate, don’t send anon hate, try not to vagueblog, etc). In all seriousness, just because you are a fan of Aegon VI and Dorne doesn’t mean you are obligated to dislike the Blackfyres. Personally, I like some aspects of Dorne (though I think its writing could be better) and I don’t think Aegon VI is a Blackfyre. We’re all different people, so the many characters of ASOIAF will impact us differently. If you feel that your fandom circle obliges you to hide your personal opinions of a character/setting for fear of being ostracized, then that circle has become toxic and I recommend you leave it. If you’re interested in reblogging neutral to positive content on the Blackfyres, you should be able to do so without reprisal. Discourse on fictional characters should never devolve to the extent that real people are harmed.

Now that the PSA part of the ask is done with, let’s get into your questions on Rohanne. I’m pretty excited you decided to ask me, because I don’t get a lot of asks on her since @xenowlsome decided to take a break from fandom, and she’s still one of the most interesting minor characters of the era due to her place in the story. She and Daemon seemed to have had one of the happier marriages in Westeros despite just 12 years together; I’ve previously compared them to Ned/Cat in how they were strangers when they wed, but had a successful political marriage in building their love “stone by stone” (tragic ending aside).

Answers to your Daemon/Rohanne questions under the cut:

How did Daemon and Rohanne’s first date go? A lot of my experience with ASOIAF fic comes from Jonsa, so a comparison to the Salty Teens AU—essentially two teenagers have to get married for political reasons but don’t get along at first, but are sexually compatible—seems reasonable. Daemon and Rohanne don’t have a lot in common (he’s a 14 year old martial prodigy and an unjumped illegitimate son of a corrupt king and an imprisoned Queen with a famous old lineage; she’s older—I headcanon 16–legitimate niece of the Archon and comes from a culture where the actual citizens don’t really fight and wealth is more important than birth), they don’t even speak the same native language (headcanon is they spoke High Valyrian to each other until Daemon learned Tyroshi dialect more throughly and Rohanne learned fluent Westerosi. They usually spoke Tyroshi at home, because they were worried about spies), they both had to get married because their powerful relatives wanted them out of the way (for Daemon because Da3ron II wanted him in a powerless position because he’d fear he‘d rebel; and Rohanne I headcanon due to her uncle wanting to punish her more ambitious mother and her father agreed due to an inheritance dispute), so I don’t think they hit it off right away. I think their initial meeting was probably formal and awkward, surrounded by relatives and courtiers; Rohanne was not impressed with this tall, seemingly endlessly cheerful boy and Daemon is intimidated by this seemingly elegant, severe older girl with the Tyroshi purple hair. It wasn’t until after the relatives were gone and they’re in either their new lands or Tyrosh (if you think that I did they lived there for a few years after the wedding while at least some lodgings were being built) that the two could let their guard down and start trying to understand each other. If I can borrow another early Jonsa trope, probably Rohanne’s pregnancy with twins brought them together by revealing their insecurities but also the desire to make the marriage work. So I think their first date was a night in, they brushed each other’s hair, maybe Daemon reads to her in Tyroshi, then she reads to him in Westerosi, both of them made comments about the material and the reader’s elocution, and they ate a plate of cold meat and olives washed down with soft cider. Maybe it wasn’t a grand date, but it was the start because each could tell the other was trying.

How did their wedding go? Probably awkward and formal. Both of them probably had emotional baggage regarding weddings and relationships. Rohanne’s family flat out forbade the bedding (Tyroshi don’t follow that custom). Daemon was upset because his siblings weren‘t there (although I guess Elaena was) to support him/say goodbye whereas Rohanne had her father and sister who weren’t emotionally equipped to deal with all these strangers and say goodbye to her. Possibly being married in the Sept of Baelor didn’t help either of them. But I think the consummation went better than the wedding in spite of the families’ expectations, partly due to them being alone but also having to rely mostly on body language. Daemon showed consideration for Rohanne’s personal space and Rohanne let herself be vulnerable. Canon seems to indicate they were compatible in this respect.

How did she feel at court? Rohanne was probably not liked by most of Da3ron’s court because of her status as Daemon‘s wife, her “low birth” in coming from a non-Valyrian family without a surname, and her refusal to convert to the Seven (considering no Essosi woman ever converted to marry a Westerosi man before, so I don’t think Rohanne did). Then she starts having many children very quickly, which freaked out the “Daemon is going to rebel any minute” crowd. I imagine she was treated similarly to Larra Rogare, except she didn’t have the advantage of a crown Prince as a husband or several influential male relatives close by (and Larra was still miserable). Instead of being able to hide how she felt behind an interpreter, or bury her feelings in the latest fashions (no shade on Larra here; just pointing out the class disparity), Rohanne had to work with a much smaller income and probably had to face the hostile court without Tyroshi allies. Daemon was probably a big help; even though he learned to brush off “bastard” insults before the age of 10 with a smile and a joke, it’s part of the knightly code to defend women so I can’t imagine he’d take slights to Rohanne (especially if she brought them to his attention) very well. Aegor too understands what it’s like to be an outsider and not want to socialize with the court, and at the very least won’t fault her for not fulfilling all the social obligations (I see them as good friends and allies due to being introverted but passionate). But many of the court spaces were sex-segregated, so she’d have to look for female allies. If there were any Tyroshi women at court (some of the Dornish in the MUSH RPG married Tyroshi), I could see her seeking them or their daughters out. I headcanon Redtusk as a Summer Islander exile (he‘s got Tusks, so to me this is obviously an elephant hunter. Crakehall!Redtusk doesn’t seem right due to Da3ron’s Kingsguard Roland Crakehall), so she was at least familiar with his wife Princess Xiwani. Another option is Princess Elaena, who was good with money, so I can see her having a relationship with a mercantile-minded Tyroshi woman. Maybe Elaena’s daughter Jeyne was also a friend (particularly if she was a Blackfyre supporter). The Butterwells are also looked down on for their origins as dairy farmers, so Ambrose Butterwell’s daughters before they wed might’ve been companions (maybe she helped arrange their weddings? At least the Costaynes seemed faithful Blackfyre supporters, and one of the daughters married Lord Costayne). And of course, she was grateful to the Velaryons. Any families with young children probably got at least acquainted with her and her pack of kids. I don’t think she was ever fully comfortable with the ethos of the court or even some Blackfyre-supporting men (thinking about House Peake due to their proud lineage and Fireball), but she learned how to stop treating many of them as potential enemies (the ones who she felt deserved it).

What was her reaction to childbirth? Empress Maria Theresa of Austria, the mother of 17 children, seemed to have easy labor pains. There’s a story that she was so devoted to work that she gave birth at her desk and, after the baby was dried off and sent away, kept writing! I figure Rohanne’s experience with childbirth was also relatively painless, given how many children she had and how moontea was always an option. The simplest in-universe explanation is that Rohanne just really loved children and wanted a houseful of them. I headcanon she grew up as the child of separated parents (yes, they allow easier separation in Tyrosh) whereas her other aunt and uncle had a big happy family, so she wanted to raise give her kids the Happy noisy childhood she didn’t get (the tragedy being that after Redgrass…) I think her naming her daughter Calla—in real life, a Greek word that means “beautiful”—speaks to her delight at having a baby girl. She loved those children and treasured them all. That’s why losing them was so painful for her.

Thanks for the ask! If you’d like to talk about any of your own Daemon/Rohanne headcanons, my ask box is always open. Don’t be afraid to create the content you’d like to see.

#ask #asoiaf #asoiaf headcanon #daemon blackfyre #rohanne of tyrosh #daemon x rohanne #fandom critical #memes

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missmentelle · 3 years

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Hey, I'm going through a difficult time with my sister right now, and I was wondering if I could get some advice, as you seem to be good at that.

I feel like I've messed things up with my sister. She barely ever talks to me anymore, and when she does, she criticizes something I'm doing, usually raising her voice, but when I tell her to shut up and leave me alone, I always feel horrible, and I'm worried that I may be driving her away because of that.

The other day, she found out about my boyfriend, and she criticized me for being with him. I tried to ignore her, because I didn't want to hurt her, but it just hurt her more, and she told me off for my behavior.

She's always jealous of me because I get more attention from our parents, even to the point she'd accuse me of being selfish and not caring for her.

I feel like I can't do anything to mend our relationship, as anything I try to do just makes her yell at me and give me the cold shoulder. Is there any advice you could give me for this? I care about her a lot, and I don't want her to hate me.

My first question would be, how old is your sister?

I know it's cliche, but if your sister is in her teens (and it sounds like she is) that could be a potential source of your problem. Sometimes teenage siblings just.... don't get along. Being a teenager is a generally overwhelming experience - you're old enough to want independence, but you're not old enough to actually have it. There are a million pressures on you, but you have very little freedom or power over your circumstances. It's a lot to deal with. Taking out your frustrations on friends, classmates or authority figures isn't really an option, which usually just leaves siblings - as weird as it sounds, the fact that teens often feel safest and most secure with their siblings is the reason that teens often take out their frustrations and insecurities on their siblings. To be clear, though, that definitely doesn’t make it okay. It’s an explanation for her behaviour, but it’s not an excuse.

You mentioned that your parents give you more attention than they give to your sister - I’m curious about that. Is there a particular reason for it? Have your parents ever shown you direct favoritism or directly compared you and your sister? Have they ever told your sister to be more like you, or presented you as a role model? Do you and your sister get unequal amounts of praise? It sort of sounds like your sister has been put in a position where she has to compete with you for your parents’ love - from her perspective, you are sort of an obstacle standing between her and your parents’ attention. If you weren’t around, she’d get more attention, and it sounds like she might resent you for it. Again, it’s not okay for her to take it out on you, and it’s not your fault that your parents aren’t giving their children equal attention, but it sort of shows where she’s coming from. Feeling invisible, feeling like you have to “earn” your parents’ affection, and feeling like the “least favourite child” are all really shitty feelings, and it’s easier for her to take them out on you than to confront your parents directly.

As far as mending the relationship goes, I think it would be a good idea to have a direct conversation with your sister. Pick a time where she seems calm, and isn’t obviously upset about something. This doesn’t have to be a big formal speech - just tell your sister that you’ve noticed things aren’t good lately, that you care about her a lot and that you want to be close again. “Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve been fighting a lot lately and I’m sad about it, I really love you and I don’t want us to fight” is a decent way to start. If face-to-face conversations are tough, you can try talking to her over text or messaging if it’ll make it easier for you both to be emotionally open. If you think the parental favoritism thing is an issue, don’t be afraid to address it directly - “hey, I know mom and dad sometimes pay more attention to me and I know it’s not fair to you”. Be honest about how you’re feeling, and give her space to share her feelings. This doesn’t have to happen all in one conversation - ideally you want to start an ongoing dialogue to get all your issues out in the open and mend the relationship over time.

I think it would also be a good idea to take a genuine interest in her life. It sounds like she’s feeling kind of ignored or second-best, and that sucks. Show her that you are interested in her life - ask her about her day. Remember details of the things she tells you. Ask her opinions on things, and take her opinions seriously. Send her articles or videos or memes that you think she might enjoy. Try to make her feel seen, and like she matters to you. Don’t be overly syrupy or condescending - you don’t want to make her feel like she’s being talked down to or pitied. Just try to be genuine. You don’t have to take everything she says seriously - if she’s being cranky and mean, you don’t have to stand there and agree with her, you can and should just walk away - but try to find time in each day to seek her out and just have a regular conversation with her about something.

I think it’s also important to be patient here. Sometimes these things take time. My younger brother and I hated each other for a few years when we were teenagers, but we’re very close as adults. It seems like we had a lot of the same issues that you and your sister do - I got much better grades than he did in school, with much more involvement in extracurriculars, and he understandably got tired of having parents and teachers constantly compare him to me. Friends, dating and hobbies came a lot easier to me, and it left him frustrated and looking for someone to take it out on - he got in trouble for lashing out at school peers, which basically left him to lash out at me. But things got better for us. We both grew up. He found things that he excelled at, he found healthier ways to get attention, and he developed an identity beyond “MissMentelle’s screw-up brother”. When our relationship was at its lowest point, it seemed like it would never recover, but it did - we grew out of our teenage insecurities, we moved beyond fighting for our parents attention, and we found things to bond over.

Relationships with siblings can be complicated - they are the longest relationships we have in our lives, and they move through many phases. Sibling relationships aren’t like friendships - they are permanent relationships, which means they are the place we end up testing boundaries. If you lash out at your friend, they will stop being your friend. Your sibling can’t stop being your sibling. Sometimes that means we can be much harsher with our siblings than we should be - they’re not going anywhere. Keep working on your relationship with your sister. Don’t let her be mean to you - set boundaries, disengage, walk away - but try to remember that this is something a lot of siblings go through, and remember that your sister’s anger probably isn’t really about you. It sounds like she’s dealing with some stuff right now, and needs an outlet for her feelings - unfortunately, you are the best outlet available, especially during a global pandemic that has limited her contact with her friends. Take care of yourself, try not to let it get you down, and keep trying to have normal conversations with your sister - in all likelihood, this rough patch will pass. Best of luck to you! MM

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