#i don't even mean this to sound self-deprecating | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

httpsserene · 5 months

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hey can I request something that’s angsty to fluff and then smut for Oscar where reader gets a ton of hate for dating Oscar so she kind of ghosts him for a bit and they figure things out

𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐰/𝐨𝐩𝟖𝟏

📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: oscar really just wants to hear you laugh again. 📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 18+ only. angst. fluff. happy ending. reader is exhausted physically and mentally. reader's internal monologue is not not nice. bad eating habits. bad sleeping habit. self-deprecation. don't worry she's back on her bs at the end. reader neglects herself (?) and her relationship. implied self-sabotage. people are mean. don't worry oscar is meaner. oscar piastri is a good boyfriend. emotional hurt/comfort. tenderness. intimacy. baths and pampering. crying (non-sexy). implied sex. implied bath sex. logan and lando as plot devices. no beta we die like my will to live during finals. 📖𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 5.1k words. 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: oscar piastri x fem!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: oneshot w/ blurbs. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: best i ever had • drake

𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: sorry it took me so long, i've changed this fic like multiple times :/ hope it fulfills you request properly :))) this is not my favorite thing in the world, i feel like if i went on a smaller scale i would've enjoyed this more but what can you do. this is also not very black reader coded? idk but feel like it's lacking there. i also apologize for my inability to write an oscar fic without including lando, he's such a willing plot device though even if he's a little ooc. i also couldn't find the mental space to write smut but there's smth for you at the end. dedicated to us women in stem! i hope you have fun reading this because i didn't have fun writing it :)

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oscar is worried. you haven’t responded to his texts for a week, he hasn’t seen your face for two weeks, and he hasn’t heard your voice for three weeks. four weeks ago, you told him you wouldn’t be able to fly out to see him at the austin grand prix, like you promised. you sounded exhausted and incredibly guilty when you explained that your course load this semester is extreme, and finals are rapidly approaching. oscar understood; he won’t ask you to sacrifice your education for one of his races, there will be plenty you can come to in the future. what he doesn’t understand is how you’re still functioning. it’s your senior year of university at an american ivy league school, you're pursuing an engineering degree, and you’re also working nearly five days a week as a barista. oscar thinks the last time he’s seen you relaxed is before your fall semester started, you spent your entire summer break with him, making appearances at the only three races you’ve been to this season (silverstone, hungary, and spa). the last time he recalls seeing your smile and hearing your laugh is in august—it’s the end of october now.

you’ve been ghosting him. oscar wants to believe that it’s unintentional, that it’s just a side effect of the amount of work and pressure on your shoulders—but he can’t accept that. if you were unintentionally missing his calls, facetimes, and texts, you’d spam respond to all of them with a voice message or paragraphs of texts before you went to bed or class. you would send him daily or weekly recap videos of how life is treating you, like you used to do. you would send him stupid videos of you messing around on your shifts during a pause of customers. you would send him thirty reels a day on instagram of brain dead shenanigans with little captions of how you reacted, or if you thought it would make him smile. you would send him fit checks every morning before you went to class, even though your outfit consists of a hoodie and sweatpants. you would send him tiktok edits of himself and tell him that he needs to stop being ‘so hot’ because you almost barked in the middle of class. you would ask him how he’s doing, you would respond to his texts the minute you could even if it's hours late, you would leave him voicemails if he doesn’t pick up, you would make an attempt to communicate.

except, you haven’t. so, he knows that you ignoring him is intentional, and that your lifestyle right now makes it easier for you to disguise your avoidance of him as accidental.

you didn’t say ‘i love you’ back.

“mate, what are you frowning for?” oscar jumps, eyes flying up from the phone screen and meeting lando’s. the brit is staring at him in confusion, the two of them are still in their race suits, tied around their waists. the sprint race ended an hour ago, and they’ve just finished celebrating oscar’s win.

“you’ve won a race, oscar—what could possibly make you sad after that?” lando says teasingly. but, the smile on his face is quick to fade as he must see oscar’s dejected mood.

the australian debates his next move for a moment, before deciding that telling lando isn’t a bad idea; they’ve been getting closer—they’re friends, oscar would say. he sighs, and hands his phone to lando, maybe he’ll tell oscar he’s worrying over nothing.

“oh,” lando says, eyes widening, “i’m sorry, mate.”

oscar brushes off lando’s words, and buries his face in his hands, “she’s pulling away from me. that was five days ago, and she hasn’t answered any of my calls. she’s only responded to my texts since then with one word answers or very dryly. she’s ghosting me.”

oscar feels lando fumbling for words, not needing to look at him to know that the older man has no idea how to go about reassuring oscar.

“look, mate, if it were me i’d go see her anyways.”

oscar huffs, “she literally said she doesn’t have time.”

“oscar,” lando stares at him in disbelief, “she hasn’t seen you in two months. i guarantee she’s probably dying to see you again, fuck whatever time she doesn’t have. she also can’t ghost you, if you see her face to face. you should go and try to fix whatever’s wrong, before you let her slip away.”

“maybe…maybe she’s just burnt out,” oscar suggests shakily, “i’ll go see her after the triple header–i’m probably just overreacting about this. she’ll be back to her usual self in time.”

oscar is enraged. he’s pissed off at his fans for attacking you in a sick twist of ‘defending him,’ ‘protecting him’ and the supposed ‘ownership’ they think they have over him. he’s pissed off at you deciding to ghost him instead of confiding in him about the hate you receive. he’s pissed off that his flight to you has been delayed for four hours. he’s pissed off at his race in brazil, if you can even call what happened a race. he’s pissed off at the fact that you can’t make time to see him before vegas. he’s pissed off that you lied to him about picking up extra shifts at the cafe.

he stalked through your instagram the minute after he was allowed to escape debrief, hunting down your roomates accounts from where you’ve tagged them in an older post. he innocently made a group message to the two girls, figuring it would be kind and proper to inform them of his impending arrival to surprise you. and the two girls you shared an apartment with responded eagerly to his message telling him that you’ve been extremely stressed and almost depressed this semester, and that hopefully his appearance will break through to you in a way they are unable to. oscar asked them if they knew your work schedule for the week, since you never told him when you're working–and learned that you lied. you didn’t accept any extra shifts, matter of fact, you got all of your shifts covered for the next two weeks. apparently, all you have been doing is going to class, working, studying furiously, and crying. when he asks if there’s any reason besides the stress from work and school that has you crying, the girls decline to speak for you, and strongly suggest that he asks you himself when he arrives.

oscar’s no longer pissed at you for lying to him or for ghosting him–he’s hurt, but, he already understands your motive. you don’t want to worry him, so you bottle it up and distance yourself to not make him aware of how you're struggling. he won’t let you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone anymore, he’s going to see you and he’s going to take care of you, and then he’ll sort out the ignorant people on the internet.

when he’s at your apartment, you’ll be coming home from your last shift before your time off. and then, once he has you in his arms, he can make everything right again.

your hands are shaking; a result from the mix of stress and exhaustion that has been plaguing you for a few weeks. it takes you four and a half attempts to unlock the front door to your apartment—this is an improvement, yesterday it took you six times. a trembling sigh of relief exits your lungs as you shut the front door, triple checking that you lock the door properly. you remove all of your outerwear and slip out of your shoes, half-heartedly making an attempt to neatly place them in the organizer you have by the door. (you fail to register how there’s only two pairs of shoes stored away; yours and a pair of shoes that look too big to be one of the girls you live with—the usual sneakers the girls wear are nowhere to be seen.) you grunt as you tenderly put on your backpack and slowly make your way into the kitchen, off-handedly murmuring a “hi,” in the direction of the living room since you can hear the tv playing, but you don’t even spare a glance to see which roommate it is—you can’t stomach anymore human interaction today.

your walk is more of a waddle; your legs and feet are sore from working nine-hour shifts five days in a row, and also from going to class four out of those five days. you place your backpack on the small island, and continue to gently meander towards the fridge. your stomach aches at the thought of food—which is unfortunate, considering you’ve only had one meal today. regardless, you will shove a sandwich down your throat, you need the energy if you’re going to study for three hours before you go to bed.

you pause before you open the fridge, a note is stuck on the door with a magnet. your roommates are gone; the two girls have spontaneously decided to go spend the weekend with their boyfriends—you’re not going to complain, you have the apartment to yourself. a brief wave of loneliness washes over you, you were kind of looking forward to venting about the week you had to the girls in the morning, and also, couldn’t they have texted you this earlier today? who leaves old-fashioned notes on the fridge anymore? you pull out your phone to send a text in your group chat wishing them a nice weekend, and see that they did, in fact, text you that they would be gone—three days ago. and, you never responded, because you never saw it. you shrug, and send the text anyways, you’ve been incredibly busy and you’re bound to miss a few texts (especially the eighteen texts from oscar that remain unopened).

you're just going through a little bit of a slump, and you’ve had a bad day. you accidentally messed up three orders today (out of the hundred you fulfilled, so three isn’t really terrible), your running off of four hours of sleep (you’re more energized when you sleep less, anyways), and a customer accidentally bumped into you as you were walking to bring coffee to a table, causing the hot liquid to spill and burn a little spot on the back of your hand by your thumb. well, you know it wasn’t purely accidental, as the girl giggled to the group of friends she was with after she “bumped” into you. based on the way she was wearing a mclaren hoodie, you can make several guesses as to why she did it—you’re kind of shocked that she noticed you even though you wear a mask at work (you have for about a month, too many fans have noticed who you are), her hate for a relationship that’s not hers should be studied for science.

incidents like these have made your coworkers start to…dislike you. the decrease in tips when you’re assigned to the register causes you to be forced to be hidden behind coffee machines the entire shift, only making drinks the entire nine hours you’re there. it’s better for you though, at least you can have a physical barrier blocking the prying eyes you feel are judging you the entire time. if anything, the recent atmosphere at work made you want to put in your two weeks—but, you have bills to pay. you’re just glad you managed to find a way to get two weeks off so you can focus on school and prepare for your exams—you can’t afford to fail, it’ll cost your scholarship and then you’ll need more than the job you have right now to finish school.

the buzzing of your phone pulls you back to the present—oscar’s calling. you squeeze your eyes shut for a few seconds, before you blink and silence the ringer. if you speak to him, you won’t be able to hide your troubles from him any longer; he reads you as easily as a kid’s picture book. he definitely doesn’t need to deal with your problems after whatever the hell happened in brazil. the noise of your phone startled you into a new thought, however. if the girls aren’t in the apartment, why the fuck is the tv on? who did you greet when you walked past the main room without a glance?

“i was calling to tell you that i’ve got takeout from the asian restaurant you like, if you’re looking for something to eat,” oscar says gently.

it’s a testament to how extremely exhausted you are: you don’t scream, you don’t fight, you don’t run—you just flinch slightly, and turn around slowly to face your boyfriend…the man you’ve been avoiding for nearly a month. at the sight of him (his fluffy hair, his soft sweater, the confused and concerned glint in his eyes) your lip starts quivering, and your eyes start watering. oscar’s gaze softens into something sweet yet empathic, and he says, “i know it’s been a while since we’ve last talked, but i didn’t think you’d cry at the sight of me.”

you burst into tears with a sob, and in a second oscar’s got you wrapped up in his arms, one hand soothingly massaging your back, while the other cradles your head on his shoulder. your borderline hyperventilating, your tears have started to soak his sweater, and you’re sniffling every two seconds to avoid getting snot on him too. oscar doesn’t try to quiet your tears, he doesn’t ask about what’s making you cry, he doesn’t even try to tell you that everything will be fine—he just holds you as you cry it out and presses kisses into your hair. eventually, the flow of tears dries and you focus on pulling in shaky breaths of air to calm down. oscar switches to holding you to his chest with one arm while he uses the free one to reach across the counter and grab a tissue. wordlessly, he wipes the wetness off your cheeks and under-eyes, he even uses another tissue to wipe your nose, clearing away the snot that managed to escape. you almost start crying again at the tender treatment and the matching look in his eyes, but you muster enough strength to keep the happy tears from falling over the waterline.

oscar nods once, deeming his cleanup complete, and clears his throat, “i’m going to heat up the food. then, we’ll eat and you’ll tell me what’s wrong and if that has anything to do with why you’re ignoring me.”

there’s no attempt from you to keep the façade up any longer, all you do is nod and step to the side so he can grab the food from the fridge.

oscar has already cleared his plate and you’re still picking through half of yours. the two of you are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, teen wolf is playing on a low volume, and your eyes are tunneled on the screen even though oscar can see that you’re not paying attention at all. one of the characters is screaming about having to get his arm cut off (stiles, probably) and suddenly you start talking to oscar.

“it’s been a shit semester. if i wasn’t graduating in spring, i honestly think i would’ve dropped out or taken a gap-year. and, i knew what i signed up for as an engineering major, and i knew that working was only going to add more on my plate—but, it’s not like i can quit my job, i have bills to pay. so, juggling school and work is difficult, and i was managing fine. but, i guess i made the mistake of scrolling through twitter—which is truly my fault i think—and everyone on the internet was calling me a ‘terrible girlfriend’,” oscar watches you scoff out a choked laugh, “and, i obviously didn’t believe i was. in the beginning, at least. i mean, it’s like they expected me to be at every race by your side, like i’m not working my way through a hellscape of a degree. i watched every practice session, qualifying, and race—they’re literally the only hours i don’t spend studying or working. i brag about you to everybody who would listen, i missed hours of sleep just to speak to you on the phone for five minutes, i work as hard as i can so i can finish this degree early so i can be with you as early as possible, and they say that you deserve a better girlfriend.”

you pause and rub at your eyes furiously, mouth opening and closing as you take time to find the words to continue. oscar quiets the flare of anger at your distress, and stays silent, not wanting to interrupt your speech, this is the most you’ve said to him in a month.

“the thing is: i-i i let their words get to me. i think it’s because i was being kicked while i was down—or whatever the phrase is. i was already mentally exhausted, and i already believe that i’m not doing my best this year, i’m disappointing everybody who knows me, i’m a shit student—and just seeing everybody agree, even though they’re just randoms on the internet, tore me down. i even deleted all of the apps off my phone,” your voice has shifted into something desperate, “so i couldn’t see what they were saying about me anymore, but it’s like once i saw it, it never left my mind. i feel like everybody is staring at me with condescending eyes, like they all think i’m terrible. and, logically, i know that’s probably not true. but, this semester has pushed me past the point of being able to rationalize properly. so as a result, i have become a ‘terrible girlfriend’ to you; like a twisted self-fulfilling prophecy.

“i avoid your calls, i leave you on delivered for days, i respond with one word, i lie to my friends and say i was up all night talking to you on the phone when i was really crying and studying at the same time, i hold back from bursting into tears in the middle of my shifts when one of your ‘fangirls’ spills their drink over me for the third time. and while doing all of this, i was hoping you’d do the hard part and just break up with me,” your voice rings out sharply and you refuse to look at your boyfriend, afraid to see the look on his face.

“because…” you whimper slightly, tongue flicking out to lick at your lips anxiously, “you do deserve a better girlfriend.”

oscar is lost for words at your conclusion; seeing you, one of the strongest women he knows break down, is a sight he never imagined. a sense of guilt builds within him, knowing that he’s added to the deprecating thoughts in your brain by postponing this intervention for weeks. you may think that he deserves someone better, but he hasn’t been the best to you either recently. if oscar was half the man you think he is, he would’ve never allowed you to avoid him in the first place. oscar stands up, collects your plate and his, and places them on the coffee table. he turns and drops to his knees in front of you, resting his hands on your thighs, and squeezes them gently to grab your attention. it takes a minute, but eventually you allow your eyes to fall to meet his, and oscar breaks further at the lack of light in your eyes.

“i think,” oscar starts quietly, “that you expect me to break up with you and leave—am i guessing correctly?”

you blink down at him and shrug, biting your lip to prevent it from quivering.

“i also think, that if i flew all this way to see you, and that if i listened to your heartbreaking recollection of how this semester and how the world has been incredibly unkind to you, and that if i sat here and still broke up you—it’s not me that deserves a better girlfriend; it’s you that deserves a better boyfriend.”

stunned, you stumble over your disagreement, but oscar steadfastly continues.

“you did the right thing by deleting your socials—and that would explain why all three hundred of the reels i’ve sent you have gone unseen,” he laughs lightly, “and even if their words took root, you prevented yourself from being able to see more of it every time you used your phone; so even if my pride is not needed, i am proud of you for doing that. i’m even more proud that you sat here and told me that you aren’t doing well, that you didn’t make an attempt to lie, and that i didn’t have to force you to tell me,” oscar says seriously, holding steady eye contact with you to make sure you're hearing him.

“i wish that you would have mentioned the hate you’re receiving as soon as it started, and that you would have told me your mental health was suffering too. you know i do everything in my power to avoid reading anything with my name in it unless it’s a credible article—so imagine my surprise, when i learned about what people were saying about you through a twitter thread logan, of all people texted me about,” you snort out a laugh at the feigned disdain in oscar’s voice when he mentions the american driver.

“you know i have no issues embarrassing people on the internet for their incorrect claims—and i’d especially tear them to shreds for trying to drag you down. we’ve been together too long for you not to come to me about things like this, even if it’s something that mildly upsets you—i want to know, because then i can make it better, or i can at least try to. you haven’t complained to me about the grueling lifestyle once, as i worked my way up to f1; if anybody could be perfect, it would be you. so, let me try to be as perfect as you, and support you properly and thoroughly as you finish up this degree, baby.

“we’re soulmates, aren’t we?” it’s a question, but oscar states it like a fact, “and i know i can’t magically make the self-loathing disappear with one conversation, but i'll tell you that you’re the best girlfriend i’ve ever had countless times, until you believe me unquestionably.”

oscar watches your nose scrunch cutely as you sniffle, unable to stop the tears that leak from the corners of your eyes. sweetly, he catches them with his thumb before they fall. he stands up and tugs you to your feet, pulling you into a tight, warm hug.

“i love you, kanga,” oscar coos as he kisses your forehead.

“i love you the most, roo,” you answer back, leaning up to press a kiss to the corner of his lips.

“i’ve bought some lavender epsom salt and an embarrassing amount of bath bombs. will you let me take care of you tonight?” oscar asks quietly.

he sees the mix of awed-disbelief and confusion as you stare up at him, like you can’t imagine why he’d want to love you tenderly tonight, and that hurts him more—the words of his ‘fans’ online have done enough damage to cause you to doubt him. maybe he can convince you to come to vegas with him so he can keep you close, but first, he needs to focus on caring for you here and now.

oscar grabs his duffle bag and smiles as you hold his hand to lead him to your room and the attached bathroom (rent is ridiculously expensive, but at least you don’t have to share a bathroom with your roommates.) oscar sends you to grab pajamas while he starts filling the tub, epsom salt already poured in. he fiddles with the temperature for a while before it’s set to the boiling-your-skin-off hot you enjoy. by the time you join him in the bathroom, he’s added the salts and soap in the water and has placed the bath bombs out for you to choose one. oscar can’t help the small smile that rises to his face at the sight of the serious furrow of your brow as you pick out your favorite from the bunch.

oscar hums as you hand him the jade-infused bath bomb, and asks, “can i wash your hair too? or will it mess up your schedule?”

“i actually really need to wash it,” you murmur with a humorless chuckle, “i’ve been so busy that i haven’t been taking care of my hair properly.”

oscar blinks and continues non-judgmentally, “i’ll give you an extra scalp massage to make up for that—you can start getting undressed now, the water’s nearly ready.”

he turns around awkwardly, he’s seen you naked before but he feels like it would be slightly perverse to watch you while you’re clearly in a more sensitive state tonight. he fumbles with the faucet for a few seconds before turning it off, and drops the bath bomb into the water so it can start dispersing. oscar faces you again carefully making sure he avoids staring at your body and locks eyes with you, he beckons you forward with an outstretched hand and holds your hand as you submerge yourself in the water. once you’re settled comfortably, oscar grabs your hair products (he holds up any bottle he thinks you may not want to use tonight, and you give him a thumbs up or down to decide), and then kneels at your side.

he starts to roll up the sleeves of the hoodie but your hand halts his motions, the water splashing loudly at the quickness of your movement, “you’re not getting in with me?”

“uh,” oscar stutters, “i-i wasn’t planning on it. i just wanted to give you a nice bath.”

oscar pinkens as you stare at him wordlessly and when your unimpressed gaze shifts to a slight glare, he finds himself shedding his clothes and sinking in behind you at an impressive speed.

his heart began to race as the two of you shifted into as comfortable of a position you could achieve in a too-small tub, but calmed at your pleased hum as you settled between his legs with your back resting on his chest. this may be the most romantic experience oscar has ever indulged in. sure, it’s not a candlelit dinner at an obnoxiously expensive restaurant but, it’s him detangling your hair, it’s him massaging shampoo into your crown, it’s him scratching softly along your scalp as the deep conditioner sits, it’s you playing with the water innocently, it’s you whispering every detail of your life that he’s missed out on, it’s you gently directing him through braiding your hair, and it’s him pressing kisses to your shoulder when he finishes. there isn’t a single moment where the two of you become unsettled during lapses of silence; the intimacy of his actions is loud enough to fill the gaps. oscar can’t imagine ever being this comfortable with anybody besides you, he hates that he almost allowed you to pull completely away from him. moments like these, where you allow yourself to be thoughtlessly vulnerable with him, are exactly why he’s completely enamored with you.

your body has loosened against him, muscles syrupy and lax from the effects of a toe-curling scalp massage, and oscar gently guides you to sit upright while steadying most of your weight with a single hand splayed against your abdomen. the sound of the cap of your body wash clicking open startles you into the present, and you shift around to straddle his lap. it’s amusing; he inaudibly chuckles at the sight of you struggling to complete your change of position without sending water over the edge. you make a triumphant noise when you’ve managed to turn around to face him, and oscar’s hands cradle your hips when you rest on his lap.

“can i–”

“shouldn’t you–”

oscar bursts into laughter and you into giggles, at the interruption of each other's sentences. it’s definitely not that funny, but oscar’s heart skips a beat at the sound of your laugh–he hasn’t heard that sweet noise in what feels like forever. he motions for you to speak, ever the gentleman, and eagerly awaits for our question with a smile still stretched across his lips.

“shouldn’t you fuck me before we wash up? so we don’t have to clean up twice?”

oscar chokes on his breath, his grip on you tightening in surprise, and he babbles, “what? no-i mean, yes, i mean—wait. i didn’t do all of this just to have sex with you, you know that right? i genuinely just wanted to pamper you–”

“oscar,” you cut him off, intentionally this time around, “after the semester i’ve had, and the less than kind words i’ve heard and thoughts i’ve had describing myself–i really do appreciate the bath, i feel reminded that you love me. however, i really think that having sex would help…solidify your devotion for me.”

oscar blinks up at you, he wasn’t quite expecting you to return to your normal sassy behavior as quickly as you did. but, he is thankful that you’ve opened up to him with no further hesitation–it’s actually incredibly attractive of you, how you’ve resumed complete comfortability in expressing exactly what you want to him. at least, that’s the excuse he’s telling himself to cope with being half-hard already.

“...at least let me take you to bed, then?”

“no,” you whine down at him, your hips sneakily twitching forward, oscar moans lightly at the light grind, “too far! saves time later if we don’t have to come back to shower.”

“you’re right,” oscar hums distractedly, moving his right hand off your waist to slip between your thighs and brush along your cunt, “i’ll fuck you here as long as you let me do all of the work.”

oscar’s blood heats at the sound of your whimpering moan and he takes his other hand off your waist to grab at your chin and he pulls you down for a kiss.

oscar groans when you pause before your lips touch his, and he feels the breath of your giggle ghost over his mouth, “mmm, i’ll never say no to that—and, didn’t i agree to let you take care of me tonight?”

taglist: @saintslewis @cherry2stems @lorarri @inloveallthetime @mindless-rock @biancathecool @barnestatic @my-ylenia @katekipshidze @darleneslane @lovingaphroditesworld @smoothopz

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inaconstantstateofchange · 3 months

Text

Who Builds Theseus' Ship?

This ties in to a greater discussion about Larian's changes to the game post-Full Release, and whether you consider those changes to be a good thing or a bad thing. Personally speaking, the quality-of-life and gameplay mechanics improvements were appreciated, while the direct changes to characters and especially characterization were not so much.

In such discussions, I often see people downplaying the actual changes to characterization that have been made thus far as "minor" things, but I often see one of the most glaring examples of a characterization change left out, because so many people aren't even aware of it ever happening:

Halsin.

For those who don't know, if you were romancing Halsin at the time of the original full release, and for almost four months afterward, if you took him with you to Act 3's orgy scene in Sharess's Caress, he would open up about a situation in his distant past. He would tell you about how he had briefly been "something between guest, prisoner, and consort" in a drow House, and been kept there for three years before escaping.

He stated that this was something that happened "a long time ago", when he was "a foolhardy young druid", which would mean it would likely have been between ages 100 and 245 — or at minimum 105 years ago, and at (likely) maximum 250 years ago. He closed the discussion with a line that really struck me, and that gave me such an appreciation for his character, and for the writers who had created it:

The passage of time has a strange way of polishing even the most arduous of memories into precious keepsakes.

As someone in their late-20s, with a number of traumatic events in my past, this resonated so much both with my experience of those events – once harrowing and haunting, now just simple happenings that do not affect me the way they once did – and as an inspirational message, that hurt would not necessarily linger forever.

Not only that, I really valued the insight it gave into Halsin's personality, further showing him to be someone who was deeply complex and meditative, always looking for meaning and something to take away or learn from any experience. It also served to showcase the likely reality of the relationship elves and druids both would have to the concepts of time and memory. (Another example of this is the experience of Shadowheart's father compared to her mother at the hands of the Sharrans.)

I started playing the game almost immediately upon its release in August, and was intrigued by Halsin from the start. He was someone who was kind and heartfelt, but also very settled in himself and with a simultaneously rigid and very flexible moral code. It was that complexity that drew me to him, and I appreciated the inclusion of a character distinct from the Origin companions, all at close to the lowest point of their lives.

It was to my surprise to find that this appreciation for his character and perspective on his Act 3 revelation was not unanimous. As it turned out, there was a vocal group of people claiming that this writing was problematic, and that Halsin clearly didn't even realize he was actually traumatized, and that Larian needed to fix it. Not everyone joining in with this crusade had even played the game.

And, ultimately, in a pattern they have continued to follow, Larian responded. They fixed it. At the end of November, as part of Patch 5, they uploaded an edited version of the scene with new dialogue, where the player could express this "reality" to Halsin, in one of the most gallingly patronizing statements I've ever seen.

Sounds traumatic. You may need to reflect on that.

(If someone said this to me after I had opened up to them about my trauma and my experience of it to them, we would not be maintaining a cordial relationship afterward.)

Halsin's new response to these dialogue options is a cringing, self-deprecating cascade of how the player is of course right, and he should have known better, and time could "prove to be a trickster on one's recollections" and that perhaps he had "lost perspective".

Quite frankly, it is a completely different character answering, and an almost directly opposing overall message about the role of time in healing, and the path forward when it comes to trauma. No more "one day these events will not hurt to recall the way they do now". In its stead: "only healing that looks a specific way and follows a specific path is acceptable - anything else and you are simply a poor fool lying to yourself."

The following quote is from a comment left on a video of Halsin's original dialogue in that scene, before the changes, and is just one example of how much that representation meant to more than just me to see:

That said, Halsin is trauma recovery goals for me absolutely. Being able to remember without actually being triggered? Being able to fully and freely engage HOW ID LIKE TO instead of being fettered by trauma responses? Goals. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there 100%, we don’t get elven lifetimes irl, but his level of healing brings me hope.

Ultimately, this post is not meant to argue that you should agree with me that one is better than the other. More so, I want to highlight that this existed — for many people, this was their experience of events and characters, and that is not so easily redacted. And I also want to just state, for the record, that Larian's way of approaching narrative and characterization changes to their full-release game has been incredibly frustrating. I did not agree, in August, to play an Early Access game with the inherent understanding that any potential narrative aspect might change at any time. I purchased a full-release game, and immersed myself in the story and the characters, to get to know them as the writers had originally presented.

And when Larian makes these changes based on fan feedback, they are explicitly making decisions about which fans matter, and specifically, which fans matter most. Rather than allowing everyone to experience the story they decided to tell, and draw from it what they take away, and let that spark discussion and engagement, they made the decision to defer to some fans over others, and prioritize their experience of the narrative — something that, no matter how well-intended, is always going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

#voidling speaks #bg3 #bg3 meta #my meta #it feels insane to have to do archival work for a six month old game #but here we are #halsin #larian #larian critical #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 halsin #meta

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roanniom · 2 years

Note

being bold and deciding to make the first move by kissing his rings before you push his hand up your skirt 🤭

Distracted

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

You're a friend of Robin's whose been in his world peripherally for a while. Like you've gone to the same parties and you've hung out at Family Video and seen him when he brought the teens in to see Steve after Hellfire sessions. You've only hung out in groups and your conversations, though extremely flirty, have been pretty surface level.

But you've got a thing for the quirky metalhead. Not only is he a fucking babe, but he also seems genuinely sweet and is very funny. When you bring this up to Robin, however, you aren't prepared for how she lights up, telling you that Eddie's been asking about you, too. Ever the matchmaker, Robin pushes you into a plot that makes it so that you and Eddie end up alone at his place on a Saturday night (initial group plans are bailed on last minute by all the teens who were threatened within an inch of their life not to actually show up).

Eddie seems unfazed by this turn of events and takes it in stride, cracking open a six pack for the two of you to share and throwing on a horror movie.

"If you want to bail, too, that's cool," he lets you know, even as you plop down beside him on the couch, beer in hand. He's got a self-deprecating smile on his face. "I'm sure hanging out alone with the town freak wasn't exactly on your agenda this week."

"Don't presume to know my agenda, Munson," you tsk, feigning a frown that is already curling around the edges into the smile you can't suppress. "You know how type A I am. I won't have you questioning my to-do list."

You apply the innuendo lightly, but the way his eyebrow quirks lets you know that it lands as you'd intended. Eddie runs his tongue over his teeth while appraising you.

"I wouldn't dare get in the way of your efficiency, sweetheart." There's a dare in his eyes, but you lean back against the couch and watch him over the top of your bottle as you take a sip. You've got time.

As the night goes on, the two of you drink and laugh and tease one another. One movie ends and he puts on the sequel immediately. Some slasher where kids are running around screaming in the woods. The two of you discuss what your own strategy would be if you found yourselves in a similar situation. At this point, you're feeling loose and floaty - combination of the alcohol and the sound of Eddie's laughter. It's got bubbles fizzing in your bloodstream. Your bodies have shifted closer on the couch as time has gone on, and as he emphatically describes something, his hand comes down to press onto your knee. Seemingly just as a matter of emphasis and to ground your attention in his point, but you notice that his hand doesn't lift up when he finishes his monologue.

A thrill of possessive pleasure runs through your body at the realization.

"You know, you'd probably die somewhere around the halfway point of the movie," you challenge suddenly and Eddie's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"I'm sorry, princess, but what?!"

"You know because you're all..." you gesture to his body. The denim vest he's still wearing over his band tee even though he's relaxing at home. The tattoos. The heavy rings on the hand that's still resting on your knee. His fingers flex against your skin when you point at them.

"I'm a badass, you mean? What about my badassery makes you think I'm dying at all?"

"The cool guys always die at the midpoint," you argue. "They get distracted having sex with the hot girls and that's when the killer guts them." Exactly as you say this, as if the universe is trying to bolster your argument, a young man on screen is stabbed through the back mid-thrust, falling down bloody upon his shrieking lover. You glance away from the screen and back at Eddie with a satisfied smirk. "Case in point."

"All I got from that is the fact you think I'm cool," Eddie says with a smug smirk. You roll your eyes at him but shift a bit closer.

"I also said you'd die fucking a bimbo."

"No, you said I'd die fucking a hot girl," he corrects, also shifting infinitesimally closer.

"Oh, so you were listening," you tease. Your hand rests on top of his hand on your knee and you start fiddling with his rings.

"Yeah, and I guess that means you should be concerned," he says flippantly, his fingers splaying out on your knee so that yours have more space to move between them. You're now distracted by the attention you're focusing on his hand.

"Why should I be concerned?"

"Because the hot girl getting fucked by the cool guy dies next," he says, nodding his head towards the tv you had all but forgotten about just as a young woman running topless through the woods, her breasts swinging and covered in her dead boyfriend's blood, is cut down by the killer. You both laugh.

"All I got from that is the fact you think I'm hot," you say turning back to him and mimicking his prior comment. His face lights up with a grin.

"Guilty as charged, sweetheart."

The moment feels right. The electricity between the two of you is palpable and you lift his hand up off your knee and towards your lips.

"They only get got, though, because they get distracted," you posit, pressing a kiss to each of Eddie's rings. His eyes are trained on your lips, his own parted to let his suddenly shallow breathing pass through. "Do you think you could keep from getting distracted?"

"Uh...yeah," Eddie says, running his tongue over his bottom lip. "Yeah I'm sure I could stay focused. Vigilant."

"Oh yeah?" you ask, smiling at how he's already so distracted. Suddenly you're lowering his hand and bringing it to the top of your thigh, right at the hem of your skirt. He takes a sharp inhale. "What's that? Losing focus?"

"No. Never, sweetheart," he says with a laugh, though it's shaky. Without even losing a beat his fingers flex in your hand, the pad of his thumb caressing at the skin of your thigh that he's never touched till now.

"What about now?" you ask, abruptly pushing his hand up your skirt to rest on your clothed pussy.

Before you can even process the next heartbeat, Eddie is on you. His mouth is capturing yours in a soul searing kiss and you can't help but gasp into him. Taking in his taste and scent all at the same heady time. Your hand abandons his on your mound and you bring your arms up around his neck to pull him as close to you as possible.

"If I die, I fucking die,” Eddie practically growls against your lips. “Distract me, baby.”

You laugh but he dips his head down to nips at your collar bone and it turns into a moan. Eddie’s hand starts rubbing blindly at your slit through your panties and you find your hips moving against his fingers of their own accord.

“Do horror movies turn you on?” Eddie teases. You bite your lip and shake your head, looking him dead in the eye.

“No, you turn me on, Eddie Munson.”

Suddenly you’re being pushed back down against the couch. The abruptness of his manhandling has you squealing and you lock your arms around his neck, being sure to keep him close and bringing him down with you.

His kiss arrests your lips again, his tongue invading your mouth. It’s everything you ever wanted. It’s what you’d imagined each time you’d watched him from the other side of a party or listened to him joking around with your mutual friends.

All of his attention. All of his focus on you.

What you don’t realize is that it’s always been on you. At those parties and those hang outs, as much as you’d watched him, he’d been watching you. Learned to love your smile and how quick you were to laugh. Catalogued your stories in the back of his mind as you told them to a riveted audience of all the teens.

He’s finally getting to touch you the way he’s always wanted. And it’s working him up faster than he’d like to admit.

You shift on the couch and it gives him more room to slot his body between your opened thighs. When his hard, denim-covered bulge presses against your thigh, your hips buck, pushing up into the palm which has been applying pressure to your pussy.

“Remember that agenda?” You ask with a tremor in your voice. His hand slips under the elastic of your panties, fingers making direct contacted with your slick core for the first time. You both groan.

“Um…yeah.” He says, shaking his head as if to clear it in order to comprehend your words. The tip of a finger circles your clit before sliding down to push into your hole. You gasp. “Your to-do list.”

“You’re at the top,” you gasp out.

There’s a moment where a Eddie doesn’t react. He’s so focused on pumping his finger in and out of your tight pussy, feeling you around him. Watching your chest rise and fall. But when your words make sense he throws back his head and let’s out a bellowing laugh. His laugh makes you laugh and then you’re shaking in one another’s arms. Trying to calm down. The shared vibrations of your joint hysteria seeming to wreak havoc on all of your nerve endings.

Eddie lunges forward and begins sucking at your neck and the tops of your breasts exposed by your low neckline. Just as he adds another finger to your pussy.

“I can be efficient, too, you know,” he says before worrying your skin between his lips.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you be efficient with your shirt off?” You ask, fingers scrabbling at the hem of the garment. Eddie sits up quickly and yanks the shirt off with unnecessary, theatrical aggression, tossing it away as if it’s offended him. You reach out and trace the tattoos on his chest and he moves to lower himself back over you.

“Mmm, cool guy,” you hum, your fingers passing delicately over his inked skin. Eddie quickly unbuttons your blouse and pulls it open, gazing hungry down at your bra-clad breasts.

“Hot girl,” he responds, pressing his face juvenilely between your tits. You grasp at the hair at the back of his neck and laugh until you feel him beginning to suck on you. Then your hips are rolling into his hand. The hand that’s started to fuck you in earnest. “You look like you’re more distracted than me right now, sweetheart. Maybe you’ll be dying before me after all. That petite mort, huh?”

You’re laughing and gasping all at once. His French accent is atrocious but he’s referencing a conversation you’d had with him and Robin about orgasms the week prior. You hadn’t thought he’d been paying attention since he’d been half in argument with Steve at the time, but now you know otherwise.

“You we’re listening to that? Was - fuck - pretty sure you were focused on whatever Harrington was saying.”

“I’m always focused on you, sweetheart.”

You feel heat creeping through your body as fondness mixes with arousal. You’re impatient and you both push and pull at him all at once.

“Ok I just need you to fuck me, ok? Can we jump to that?”

“Nuh uh, I’m making you cum first.” His thumb presses harder circles into your clit and you cry out. But you shake your head dramatically side to side.

“No I want you inside me now.”

“That’s a bit pushy of you, isn’t it?” Eddie teases, but as he does so he eases his fingers out of you and brings them up to lick off your slick. You’re already unbuckling his belt and pushing down his jeans.

“No, I’m efficient. Type A, remember?” His cock springs free of his boxers and you’re ready to drool. He’s practically edible, and if you weren’t so fucking on the edge right now you’d swallow him while immediately.

“How could I forget,” he responds, voice full of gravel as he grabs his cock and pumps one twice. You lay back against the couch, legs splayed and waiting for him, divesting yourself of your bra and cupping your breasts to keep yourself worked up. “Fuck you’re a pretty picture.”

“Gonna just stare or are you gonna do something, Munson?”

“See? Pushy,” he says, even as he lowers himself on top of you and pushes his tip right into your entrance.

The teasing stops as you both come together with rolling hips and gasping breaths. His thrusts are hard and definitive and you find yourself holding on for dear life. He feels so good and right and heavy and strong and you’re so close so soon.

“Eddie…Jesus Christ I’m…” your eyes are squeezed shut and he kisses your eye lids, paradoxically sweet when juxtaposed with the harsh way he’s pounding into you.

“You gonna cum, baby?” He asks, and there’s playful mocking in his tone. If you couldn’t feel his muscles shaking, proving he is equally close, you would have felt more shame.

“Y-yeah…gonna cum.” You admit it on a whine. He feels so good and then suddenly his finger is between you, swirling over your clit again.

“Already? I guess that’s efficient of you,” he says and you clench hard when you laugh, making him let out a loud moan.

“Stop - fuck! You can’t clench like that,” he admonishes.

“Stop making me laugh then, asshole,” you say with no bite. He, however, bites your neck and laves his tongue over the skin.

“Mmmm, you’re sexy when you’re mean.”

You’re not sure what does it - his thrusts, his finger on your clit, his teasing - but one moment you’re rolling your hips into his and the next you’re writhing beneath him, cumming harder than you ever have before. You practically black out calling his name, so much so that you don’t even notice when he cums along right after you.

You come back to your senses to find him still inside you, trailing kisses up and down your throat and chest. You take a deep shuddering breath and grip weakly at his back.

“You gotta get up,” you say, pushing weakly at him with not intent behind the motion. Eddie shakes his head and buries it into your neck.

“Never.”

“I gotta get up and cross you off my checklist.” You tease with a breathless laugh which he returns.

“You can’t. We were so distracted the killer got us. We’re dead, remember?” His grin is so wide one of your trembling hands lifts automatically to trace his dimples.

“Fuck. The downside to being cool and hot is pretty disproportionate to the upside.”

“Speak for yourself,” he snorts, letting his hand come up to cup your jaw. “I’m staring at a pretty big upside.”

~*~

Tiny tag list (will come back later and add more people): @sacklerscumrag @theoncrayjoy @millenialcatlady @xxcatrenxx @cowboy-kylo

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson Drabble #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #fem!reader

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marvelwitchergilmore · 4 months

Text

Don't Waste A Second

Summary: Billy the Kid x Fe!Reader -> You and Billy have been close for a while now, but what happens when your life is put in danger and he has to bargain for your life?

Disclaimer: MDNI: Criminal Minds level (16+ subjects mentioned although not all are carried out, just (kind of) talked about. ANGST, self-deprecation though Billy won't stand for it. Talks of death, blood, gore and gunfire. Fluff splattered around. Not proof read.

First came the sound of gun fire.

Your heart leaped from your chest and you could feel every morsel of your being being pumped with adrenaline by the minute.

The head of the rival gang in town sat beside you until he heard the second gun shot before he himself stood and brought you with him.

“You’re my leverage for my life, woman. Say a word and I will kill you myself.”

It wasn't long until the owner of the gunshots appeared by the door.

“Well, if it isn’t the Kid himself?”

“Let her go.”

He pulled you higher to his head. Even with a shot like Billy’s, this could pose a danger if he wasn’t careful.

“Ah, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Let her go.”

“Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”

“Didn’t your mother teach you not to kidnap women?” You spoke before you even thought.

“I thought I told you to shut up!”

“Hey!” Billy had the man’s attention once more. “You don’t talk to her. You talk to me. I’m the one you have a problem with.”

“Which makes it all the more fun having her here, right by my side.”

Billy raised his gun a little higher.

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. One wrong move and the bullet goes straight through her skull.”

That made Billy falter a little.

“Now, I know better than anyone that you have a little soft spot for her, so how about we cut a deal?”

“It’s not worth it, Billy.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m not worth it, Billy. Don’t do it. No matter what he says.”

“I thought I told you to shut it!”

The man’s hands dragged roughly around your neck, forcing you to look at the rotting ceiling.

“Please, Billy. Don’t do it.”

“How much is she worth to you, Billy? Huh? Lookin at her, I’d only give a couple bucks but I have a feeling she means more to you than just a few crummy dollars. What do you say, Kid?”

Whilst the man was talking, you were able to move your hands just enough to remove the silver knife from his pocket. The one he had been spinning in his hands just moments before Billy’s gunshot rang through the house.

“You got it?”

The man thought he was talking to him, but then you replied.

“Yep.”

In less than 3 seconds, the man felt a sharp stab go into his thigh causing his grip to loosen allowing you a swift escape. However, not before you took the opportunity to drag the blade down his leg, opening the wound further allowing Billy a clear shot of the man’s head if he wanted to take it.

And he did.

Moments later, the body dropped in front of you and you scrambled back on all fours until you got to your knees and found Billy level with you in height.

He pushed your dirty hair from your face, and checked you over for any visible wounds. There was none yet, that he could see.

“Let’s go home.”

Hours later, you found yourself washed and dressed whilst Billy tended to some of your larger wounds.

When you had been getting washed, you hadn’t noticed Billy sneak a glance through the gap in the clothing divider. He saw the blood. He saw the brides. He saw the scars.

Then he heard your voice, trying to be quiet in its pain as you lowered yourself into the tub and tried to clean yourself off.

He had asked if you needed any help, but you were stubborn. He knew your answer before you even gave it.

But he gave you no choice afterwards. He would tend to your woods and that was final.

So, sitting beside him on the worn sofa whilst the fire crackled to keep you both warm. Billy pressed some ointment to the scars that littered the side of your body.

He had called for the town doctor to come and see you. Of course, he came right away and saw to you- at least, what you would show him. He gave you a small prescription for the pain and some cream that would help keep the wounds clean until they finally healed.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Did they…did they do anything to you?”

“Billy. You are applying ointment to my scars and my body is covered in bruises. You’re seriously-“

“Did they touch you?”

You sighed, and moved a little to lift your shirt back up. “No. Not in that way. Though I doubt it would have been long before they did.”

A silence fell over you both once more, Billy breaking it a few minutes later.

“What did you mean before?”

“Before what?”

Billy sighed and replaced the lid on the tin of ointment. Resting his arms on his knees, he leaned forwards and pressed his hands together. You lowered your shirt and looked at him.

“Before, when he had you…he tried to make a bargain for your life. You said it wasn’t worth it. That you weren’t worth it. Why did you say that?”

“Because it’s true. Because I’m not.”

“But you are.”

Billy took your hand in his as he spoke to you.

“Billy,” you chuckled a little. “ I teach five days a week at the local school. I serve people drinks on the weekends. People come and go and I am still always asked about who I am. I am…me. I’m nobody important.”

“You’re important to me.”

You paused when Billy looked you in the eyes. His hands still held yours.

“You are everything to me, you hear? Everything. I haven’t been in the same spot since I was a kid. The reason and the only reason behind that is you. You are the reason I stayed. You are the reason I wake up in the morning and make sure everyone is safe in this town because even if just one of them isn’t, then that puts you in danger. I never wanted to see your life be put in danger because of me. You are everything to me, Miss Y/N Y/L/N. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Billy,”

“I mean it, Y/N. You have my whole life. You are my whole life.”

In that moment, a whole other silence took over and you found Billy moving closer to you and found yourself doing the same to him.

He paused for a moment, your noses brushing. He questioned you with his eyes. He needed to know if he was about to be kissed back or punched.

Instead, he saw you nod slightly and he moved in, pressing a kiss to your lips before his hand came to the side of your face to draw you in closer.

Of course, you had been fond of Billy since the moment you met him. But you didn’t realise you loved him until just a few moments before you found yourself being towed away by a stranger, who had first told you he was one of the children’s uncles - a child who you taught at school and helped out with after class when he couldn’t just quite find the confidence to read out in class, causing his stutter to worsen.

Billy knew the moment he stepped foot on the school grounds something was wrong. Like it was in the air, or something.

He held a freshly picked bunch of wild flowers he’d found riding through the hills on his way to meet you. He did this every time, and everytime the pick would be different. He knew you didn’t like gifts - he had heard as much from the town’s local gossip woman when he stopped by her store to pick up some fresh dressings.

At the time, you had just walked past the store. All Billy had to do was turn around to see when the woman was staring at and found you, with your head buried against a pile of papers and a pencil in your hand, scribbling away as you managed to avoid almost everything that stood in your way.

“I heard she was engaged once to some fella outside of New York.”

“You hear right.” the woman told the people in the store. “Apparently he broke her heart and she came out here to teach our kids.”

“What did she do back in New York?”

“Governess from what I heard. But the kids grew up, that was just before her engagement.”

Billy would come to learn that the ‘fella’ you were engaged to did break your heart, but not due to his own failings. He had been on a city inspection job when, during his inspection of one of the machines, a water pipe that ran directly under the building exploded.

Even if the shrapnel hadn't cut through his skin and caused him to bleed out, the weight of the machine that he fell into probably would have crushed him. He died later on in the hospital, but not before dictating very slowly to one of the nurses what he wished he could say to you first.

You had been given the letter by the nurse shortly after she found you in the waiting room after you had seen his body.

“Did she ever find anybody else?”

“A couple tried. Hell, some rich railway fella practically tossed diamonds at her feet, but she didn’t want them. She smiled, kissed them on the cheek and made her way back through town. All she does is work and sleep.”

Over some more comments made through the gossip fueled conversation, Billy came to learn that you didn’t like grand gifts or gestures. But rather, subtlety. Subtlety and truth.

On the weekends when you served multiple drinks, he got to know you and before both of you knew it, he was showing up outside of school when you finished teaching and one day, whilst on a ride back into town, he brought with him a bunch of flowers, just because.

A few hours later when he rode past your house, he found them in a vase in your kitchen window.

So, after months of being friends with one another, and having a yearning for more, it came to your realisation that, even just the thought of Billy not turning up or not seeing him every day, knocked you sick.

There wasn’t a world where you didn’t want to be with him.

But, on your way out of the school gates, you were met with an ‘Uncle’.

Pulling back from the kiss, you kept your head against Billy’s. “Wait.”

“I’m sorry, we shouldn’t- I shouldn’t have-”

“No, Billy. It’s not that. I just…”

You pulled back but kept your eyes fixed on Billy, only tearing them away for a moment as you looked to his hand that you took in yours.

“I need to know that you’re being truthful with me and not just saying all of this because of what happened today. Because, if it’s true, then there are more than just your feelings in this. I just…I don’t want to be hurt, Billy.”

“Darlin’, look at me?”

You looked up and Billy cupped one of your cheeks in his hand. “Everything I have just told you…it’s all true. Even if today hadn't happened, I would have told you. I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long, but I was being a coward. I love you.”

The next moment felt like an eternity for Billy, until finally, he found the light at the end of the tunnel.

“I love you, too, Billy.”

He didn’t have to think about what to do next. Pulling you in, he kissed you like he had waited a thousand years just to see you one last time.

And neither of you were going to waste a second.

#tom blyth #billy the kid x reader #billy the kid x fe!reader #fluff #criminal minds level #mdni #falling in love #loss of past loves #angst #billy takes care of reader #billy the kid #tom blyth billy the kid #au billy the kid #wild west #cowboys #Don't Waste A Second #Don't Waste A Second: Billy the Kid

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woozvc · 2 months

Text

call you tonight

final (part XIX)

w/c - 1.6k + smau at the end

a/n - and this is it! after so long call you tonight has officially come to an end. I hope the last part of this clears up the eunwoo situation (reading your replies and theories made my day😭😭) and i hope this is an ending you can be satisfied with. thank you so much for all your love and patience on this series. it truly means a lot that you guys stuck around till the end even with my terrible posting schedule 🫶

previous / masterlist

this is it. this is the day.

the event started 20 minutes ago and till now, it's been a success. the auditorium is filled with laughter and dancing, courtesy of jihoons playlists.

you're currently standing at a corner just observing the entire place. a part of you feels at peace that this is finally over, the results will be out today and this is it. a part of you is also shit scared. the past few days have been a rollercoaster.

seungcheols words keep echoing in your head about how you're still important to him and he's changed. you really want to believe him. you really want to give him a-

“hey are you okay?”

you wake out of your trace by jihoons voice.

“yeah I'm fine”

“you seen a bit…distracted” he hands you a cup of lemonade. you take it with a small smile and shrug his comment off. no need to reply when he's right?

“how do you feel, you know, about your performance and all?” you look at him. he shakes his head

“I don't know. all of this feels unreal. I never thought I'd have to perform that too dance but here we are”

“doesn't it scare you?”

“obviously it does, but I find some comfort in it too. maybe it's the fact that a part of me believes taking this chance could end really well. maybe I'll finally let go of my past fears and just let myself be in the moment once.”

“hah.. that sounds nice.”

“yea I guess so. I think whatever happens tonight, I just hope I don't regret it. I want to take that risk”

you open your mouth to reply but you're interrupted by hoshis voice calling jihoon. he gives you a small smile and walks away.

right. regret. don't regret tonight. you decide to leave your spot in the corner when you see hansol walk in. being with a friend is better than being alone.

so jihoon is an amazing dancer. you were mesmerized, truly. his moves are fluid and his body doesn't miss a single beat. obviously hoshi is amazing too. his sharp and timed movements make him look like he was born for the stage.

the song is also amazing. jihoon later revealed it was called “bring it”. you'll definitely tell him to record it and send it to you.

the auditorium is a bit loud now. one hour till new year and the presidential results are about to be announced. you avoided seungcheol all night today. reason? you don't really know.

maybe you know mentally a part of you won't be able to handle his teasing if he wins. it's all friendly of course, but it doesn't change the fact you really, really want to win.

“hey y/n ready for the results?” jeonghan nudges into you and you push him off with an annoyed whine.

“jeonghan I swear if I don't win you'll have to wipe my tears”

“I won't mind that because I'll be winning”

“this is important to you huh?”

“it's my one shot to prove I'm actually good at something, can't fuck this one up”

“you dont have to prove yourself to anyone you know?”

“this is for me. I need this to tell myself I'm better than I think. I'm done always being known as the problem kid. and who knows maybe this will get me some street cred?” he winks and walks back to his group, knowing if he kept speaking, he would say something something sad and make you feel more stressed than you already do. you'd probably scold him for being so self deprecating too. your eyes follow him walking back and

oh.

seungcheol is looking directly at you. his gaze burning deep into you. you look away quickly, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. the music in the room slowly fades out.

“okay ladies and gentlemen are we ready for the most awaited moment of today?” seungkwans voice echos through the room and so does the cheering of the students.

“honestly? I'm not shocked at the result. I'm so proud of everyone who participated and made it this far. just know all of you are amazing and we as the student council and the teachers love your dedication. so first of all here are the names of the people who made it to the finals”

he starts reading off the list. there's your name and eunwoos name. after a few students he announces jeonghans name and….thats it? what?

this is surely a mistake and the entire auditorium feels so. there's chattering and confused looks all around

“ah yes, there's only 9 participants now. choi seungcheol removed his name because of some unavoidable circumstances so we divided all his votes to all the others”

your head shoots in seungcheols direction. you look at him confused and he smiles at you. he motions you to stay where you are for now. this can't be real? he can't just remove his name?

hansol taps your shoulder and tells you to focus on the stage. you look back at the stage, realizing you completely missed seungkwans dramatic speach on how much he waited for the results etc etc.

“and so, svtct, your student council president is…..y/n!”

there's screaming in the auditorium but this place has never felt so quiet. your legs are numb and your hearing is fucked. you…won? you actually did it?

“y/n go to the stage!!” jeonghan pushes you from the crowd towards the stage. you want to say something to him. you want to apologize for winning to him but

he's smiling so wide.

his eyes are genuine. he's genuinely happy you won. “don't worry about me, my favorite cousin’s win is my win” he grabs your hand and takes you to the stage.

seungkwan helps your walk onto the stage where the teachers are standing to give you your certificate and badge. you receive it, saying a small thank you to the teachers presenting and seungkwan hands you the mic

“any words president?”

any words? what the fuck even are words? you stare at the mic then back at seungkwan. you're glad you've been friends with him for so long that even without words, understands and nods at you

“I think our president wants to save the speach for during school hours to not bore us.. well I hope my speach was dramatic enough, wonwoo I'm looking at you. there's 30 minutes till new years so till then…enjoy!” he looks at jihoon to restart the music and when it does, all the eyes on you slowly move away as seungkwan leads you to the teachers.

they all congratulate you and praise you. after a while one teacher asks

“so who's going to be your vice?”

“jeonghan” there's no hesitation in your voice. the teachers seemed shocked, a bit put off too but they don't question it. they tell you good luck and let you go back to the crowd.

you stand near the stage for a bit. letting it all sink in. all these months of work, all the effort and everything worked out. even the banter with seungcheol worked- right. seungcheol.

you run back to try and find him when eunwoo bumps into you.

“hey y/n! congratulations there's no one who deserves it more than you” he gives you a smile and pat on your shoulder.

“thanks eunwoo”

“are you guys busy” you hear seungcheol behind you and immediately turn to him.

“not busy at all man” eunwoo says and walks off, winking at seungcheol while seungcheol just looks at him disgusted.

“I never liked that guy”

“why did you remove your name”

“he's always given me a bad vibe”

“you wanted this so badly”

“and he keeps flirting with-”

“choi seungcheol answer me.”

you cut him off

“answer you? okay fine. first of all don't call me by my full name. I left presidency because frankly I hate the pressure. I never wanted to be captain anyway. I got forced into it because of my grades and extra curriculars.” he takes a pause to look around the room before continuing.

”i realized I was only doing this because it was expected of me. so I left it. I rejoined the track and badminton team. that's what was important to me before and I'm going to continue it now” he says and looks at you. a small smile playing on his lips.

you're speechless. you always knew seungcheol never really liked captaincy but you didn't know till what extent. you feel bad. you feel bad for the all “why aren't you working” and “why did they make you captain” comments you said to him.

“I'm sorry seungcheol”

“for what”

“for everything”

he smiles. you realize that you're seeing his dimples after so long. he's never smiled that much in front of you before. he looks pretty.

“10 seconds guys!” yells seungkwan into the microphone. seungcheol softly takes your hand and says

“y/n, I know you haven't forgiven me”

“but I have to say”

“I've been thinking a lot”

“you're too important to me”

“I think I like you, more than friends.”

“can you give me a chance?”

“happy new year!” jeonghan comes and hugs you.

you have no idea how this is going to end. you're scared, terrified of this feeling but you won't let this go. you keep your grip on seungcheols hand. slowly the student council joins the hug and the rest of your friends follow. you look around. you're surrounded by people who love you, people who care for you. what could possibly go wrong?

“yeah…I'll take the risk.”

2months later :

taglist 🔖 — (thank you to you all <3)

@minhui896 @lirtha97 @haecien @thefroggybazaar @mayashu @jeonghansshitester @wonwoos-wineparty @huening-kawaii @sp1ng @wonwootakemyheart

@ddokye @thepoopdokyeomtouched @zzenkha @nishloves @weird-bookworm @sana-is-ms-rmty @immabecreepin @amxlia-stars

@peachhiz @punkhazardlaw @lockburn-castle @asyre @luchiet @ocyeanicc @wondering-out-loud @odetoyeonjun @tamcitrus @miriamxsworld @kissesfrmwonwoo @cherr-y-eji @jeoncatsworld @youre-on-your-ownkid @addicsvt @bangantokchy @tacosandbitch @sun-daddy-yoriichi @ckline35 @rakshithanotrao @isabellah29 @mangocustard16 @lone-lone-ranger @gyuguys @writingbarnes @scarlet931 @odxrilove @wonwoobestboyy @wollycobbl3-blr

169 notes · View notes

undreaming-fanfiction · 1 year

Text

Steve Harrington is infamous in his group of friends for saying no.

No to Dungeons and Dragons.

No to the Party's suicidal plans.

No to Max's attempts to persuade him to let her drive.

No to the oh-so-benevolent offer from his father, probably born out of guilt, to join him and his mother in their new life, to have a chance to be come their perfect son again.

No to Argyle's insistence on pineapple on pizza superiority.

He has a heart of gold though, so of course his "no" isn't set in stone, except for the one to his father. He says no to Dungeons and Dragons, but still drives Dustin to the Hellfire Club and makes himself comfortable on the couch, listening to Eddie's fantastic tales and all the voices he makes. He forbids the Party to do anything stupid, but when they inevitably do, he jumps in front of them, the spiked bat in hand, and protects them without a single second thought. He knocks on Max's door one day and tells her that if she intends to be a little menace behind the wheel, at least it will be on a parking lot and under his supervision. And when he hosts a pizza night, he does buy a canned pineapple, even though his nose crinkles in disgust when he slides it towards smiling Argyle.

So Steve's "no"s aren't set in stone, but they are still there, there's a "no" behind corner, waiting for another stupid plan, another silly decision.

But Steve Harrington can also say yes, and it's the sweetest sound in the world to Eddie Munson.

"Yes" to Eddie's insecure, panicked question if he's perhaps not misinterpreting the signs, if Steve perhaps likes him (Steve's "yes" is incredulous, accompanied with a bitchy roll of eyes, because he's just had his hands in Eddie's hair, his lips on his own, and how else would you interpret that, Munson?)

"Yes" to Eddie's question, hidden behind a strand of wavy hair and a shy smile, if Steve wants to spend the night.

"Yes" to whether Steve would happen to be free for Christmas, that there's always a free spot at his and Wayne's table (not for anyone, but Steve is special), and this "yes" is quiet, touched, followed by a lot of self-deprecating, typical-Steve rambles not to worry, that he's used to being alone on Christmas, but it's a "yes" all the same.

And finally, years in, when world perhaps becomes a kinder place, when all the horrors are behind them and Steve gets comfortable with a small belly over his muscles, when Eddie finds grey hairs in his mane and is overjoyed because they look like guitar strings, he slides a small box with a ring towards Steve, finally voicing the question that has been on his mind for years. Steve starts tearing up, almost spills his morning coffee as he grabs Eddie by his t-shirt and kisses him.

"I didn't think you'd want to, I mean, I do, so much but I never wanted to force you into anything, so...I...I don't know what to say," he whispers when they break apart for air.

Eddie smiles at him, traces those beloved moles with his fingertips. "That's an easy one, Stevie. Say yes."

And Steve Harrington does.

#steddie #steddie drabble #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things drabble #strangerthings #strangerthingsdrabble

2K notes · View notes

vellichxrr6782 · 11 months

Text

— all too well.

character[s] — diluc. theme & genre — lovers to exes, angst. cw/tw — very toxic diluc, fighting, self-deprecation, breakups. word count — 4.2k words. a/n — let's play a game called, "spot the references i've made to other taylor swift songs in this fic" :D | a heartfelt apology to all diluc kissers, but no apology to diluc bc he REFUSES to come home

"diluc, what the fuck?" you spat, your face showing utter disbelief.

"what?" diluc groaned, taking off his coat and setting it on the rack, "what is it now?"

"what do you mean!? did you not hear what the hell your colleagues were telling about me?" you raised a brow, crossing your arms while you leaned against the doorframe.

"what did they say?" diluc paid no heed, his face devoid of any empathy as he poured himself a glass of water.

"don't act like you weren't there." you clenched your fists, gritting your teeth. "they were making fun of me."

"you're simply overreacting." he furrowed his brows.

you and diluc had been dating for seven whole years. isn't that insane? seven years in heaven, yet these days, it started to seem more like hell. maybe you had been ignorant of all your problems for seven years, or diluc recently had a massive shift in his attitude towards you.

he treated you like a deity before, now he treated you like you were a job. like you were an obligation.

you went out for dinner with diluc's colleagues tonight, hoping it could be a nice change for you both. diluc and you had both been busy with your own things for the past few weeks, and you hoped this dinner could help you both bond.

but instead it drove you both apart even more.

"did you not fucking hear what they said? 'oh, i thought y/n had so much of experience with guys, but i was pretty shocked to find out they were often simple flings with no significance. i was surprised when she started dating you, though, i didn't think you liked girls like her' meant? huh? am i not allowed to date other people?"

"and how does that imply they were making fun of you? to me it sounds like they're just thinking about our relationship, normally."

maybe that's how you ended up in an argument with your significant other, who didn't seem to think you were significant at all. your opinion didn't matter as long as diluc had his way.

"it implies that i don't put in any effort into my relationships, diluc. it says that i go around sleeping with every man i meet. you of all people should know that that's not true." you clenched your fist, "they shouldn't be thinking about my relationship, i should. you didn't say a word to defend me."

"god, y/n, what if they were right?"

"excuse me?" your eyes widened in disbelief. "what did you just say?"

"what if they were right?" he raised his voice, standing up. he slammed the glass down on the kitchen counter, and you flinched, and noticed a small crack appear in the glass. "what if you're not putting in any effort for us? i have to do every damn thing. i need to make time for you, do you know how big of a deal that is?"

you were shocked, to say the least. where was this sudden outburst coming from? honestly, was he even listening to you right now? was he listening to himself? he sounded absurd, it was like you didn't know him anymore.

"wow, okay, if making time for your girlfriend is such a nuisance for you, then how wonderful would it be if you didn't have one at all?!" you shouted, gritting your teeth as the words left your mouth.

diluc didn't spare a second in bouncing back, as if he was speaking from the bottom of his heart, and he didn't need to think twice.

"yeah, that sounds pretty nice right about now, y/n." diluc let out a laugh, "it sounds pretty fucking nice."

your throat went dry. you felt your heart shatter. it was as if your world came crumbling down onto you, you didn't expect for him to agree with you. at a loss for words, you sharply inhaled to stop tears from falling. you felt immense anger at first, but for some reason, when he admitted that, your anger disappeared. it was replaced by hurt.

in your storm of emotions, in your speechlessness, all you could manage to utter was a broken, pathetic, "fine."

and you turned around and left out the door, grabbing your coat. you stopped there, in the doorway for a second.

just a second. one second, diluc. that's all you wanted to give him. cause no matter how much he hurt you, you still had that wretched thing in you.

hope.

you had hope, god, you had faith that diluc would call your name, apologise, you both could make it up to each other, you would apologise, and- wait, what were you even apologising for?

well, one thing was certain when you didn't hear his voice call out to you. diluc ragnvindr, for the first time in the seven years you had known him, betrayed your faith.

it had been two weeks since the fight that night. two goddamn weeks. not a single call, not a single text, not a single glance was spared for you from diluc. it was as if you didn't exist anymore.

he probably wished you didn't.

yeah, sure, couples often have their fights, their arguments. but in the end, they meet in the middle and talk it out. but what could you do when there was nothing more left to say? when every cruel claim had been made already? when it was too late?

daylight hit your drawn curtains, itching to be let into your room, but you refused. the light hurt your eyes, you'd much rather prefer to be in the darkness of your bedroom, with the only light being diluc's contact on your phone.

it baffled you how someone could pamper you and give you all their affection one moment, then completely disregard you the next. you threw your phone on your pillow, collapsing onto the bed. his words played on loop in your mind.

you wanted to cry, you really did. but the tears refused to come out, you wouldn't cry for him. especially when diluc probably doesn't feel an ounce of guilt for everything he said that night.

your phone buzzed, and you jumped to see what the notification was. your frown immediately turned into a smile when you saw diluc's name.

you picked up the call, and bated your breath.

"y/n. let's talk."

wow, couldn't he have even said hello? just cutting straight to the chase. he sounded so... demanding that it made you feel like you're the one at fault, and you owe him an apology.

"you finally came around, huh? two weeks and now you wanna apologise?" you grit your teeth, awaiting his response.

"who said i'm apologising?"

what?

"what do you... what do you mean- " you started, but paused when you heard diluc sigh.

"just come to good hunter at 2 o'clock. i'll buy you something." he hung up, not even allowing you to speak any further.

you had no choice but to listen to his bullshit.

you were seated across diluc. in silence. painful silence.

perhaps even the waitress at good hunter, who was waiting at your table, could sense it. you would've felt bad for her, but right now, you pitied yourself even more.

he looked so... dignified. he looked like he was in a completely different world from you, you felt small and meaningless compared to him. you hated it, you hated feeling that kind of worthlessness.

who knew? the same diluc who showed you the stars and showered you with fake niceties, now stole away all of that praise he'd once given.

"two black coffees." he stated, and the waitress scurried away with the order.

"you know, i can order too right? i know how to speak, thank you very much." you rolled your eyes, leaning back in your chair.

diluc frowned, "i don't want to spend too much time here, let's just get this done with."

"alright, what did you wanna say to me, that isn't an apology?" you furrowed your brows, emphasising the fact that he still owed you one.

you didn't expect diluc to utter the words you had been dreading. the words that would absolutely tear you apart.

"let's break up."

you thought time came to an abrupt stop. the world stopped. your world stopped.

no.

no, no, no, no, please no.

"...what?" you almost choked, biting your lip to stop it from quivering. "you're serious?"

please, diluc, no.

"you heard me, let's break up." he wasn't even asking you, he was just demanding it. "this isn't working anymore."

this isn't working anymore, you almost would've laughed if you weren't on the brink of breaking down.

"it isn't working because you refuse to do anything from your end. you're so fucking entitled, you think you have the right to treat me like fucking shit-!" you started, your frustration seeping through your words.

"we're in public, calm down for god's sake." he resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"so that's why you called me here? in public, so i wouldn't make a scene, and just quietly accept whatever you're telling me?"

"why do you always twist my intentions? i called you here because it's a place we both can go to easily. i didn't want to bring you to my place, if i was gonna break up with you anyway." diluc massaged his forehead, letting out a groan. "we're over."

he was so cruel. so, so, utterly cruel.

didn't this hurt him too? why did he look so unfazed? did he never love you to begin with...? no, that can't be true. you rememeber diluc from years ago. he was so kind, so loving. what happened to him? why did he change?

questions revolved in your head, all left unanswered when diluc willed it. he was always in charge. you were just some pathetic pawn for him, just a tool with no emotions.

"my world revolved around you for seven years, diluc. how do you expect me to throw it all away?" tears welled up in your eyes as you spoke, unable to grasp the sudden news. "if we had just tried to love each other-"

diluc's harsh tone suddenly changed into a soft one, as he said, "i don't think we should be trying to love each other, y/n." he sounded guilty, almost.

almost. you hated that word. it reminded you of a future that could've been.

"that's all i had to say to you." he claimed, "if it makes you feel better, i'm sorry."

"i don't want your fucking pity apology, diluc." you let out a scoff, "i want my seven years i wasted on you. i want them back. can you do that for me?"

"you know i can't-"

"i thought you were pretty accomplished, though? master diluc, the king of the wine industry. a strategist, a business tycoon, a master manipulator," you waved your arms around, "i never understood that last one until now."

"enough." diluc narrowed his eyes.

"yeah, enough. i've had enough." you got up, almost crashing into the waitress who was bringing your black coffee. the one you didn't even want.

it would've been childish to take the cup of black coffee and throw it on diluc. it would've been dramatic and badass though, maybe you should've done that. but you would've felt guilty about it, later. even if diluc hurt you, you would've probably thought that was too far.

fuck, why did you care? he went too far too. and he didn't apologise for it, he never felt guilty. why did you?

that really said a lot about your relationship with him, huh?

it had been exactly seven hours since you and diluc broke up. you watched as the clock struck hour nine, minute five, exactly seven hours from your break up.

you didn't know what else you were supposed to do except count every second.

lifelessly, you stared at your bedroom ceiling. you inhaled deeply, glancing towards your phone screen.

9:06, no messages.

nothing.

maybe it was wrong of you to expect something in the first place. but could you blame yourself? you loved him desperately, and the only thing you wanted was that love to be returned. you had to fight the irrational urge to call him first.

the sun went down, and your love died.

you kept your phone aside, getting up to clean your room. your head hurt seeing the terrible state of your bedroom, clothes thrown around, papers falling from drawers and the table.

sitting down, exasperated, you started folding your clothes to distract yourself from your grief.

your mind was silent, you were too tired to think anything. you were too tired to utter another word.

in your heart, you knew you were just waiting for your phone to ring, and diluc's name to show up on the caller ID.

but in your heart, you also knew that it wouldn't happen.

your eyes couldn't help but wander to one of the corners in your room in which, tucked away safely, sat a carboard box. you held you breath in contemplation. arguments were drowned out by silence, and you got up, and took out the box. opening it, your eyes focused on the collection of small trinkets and notes.

on top was a picture of you and diluc, the one you had taken on your first date. there was a note attached, with the date and diluc's handwriting, "first date, liuli pavillion."

your mind was blank, you didn't know what to think. should you smile at those fond memories, or frown cause it's gone forever? should you let out a laugh at how gullible you were, or cry because you're still gullible, and worse, probably, if you still had hope.

you found a few cassettes thrown around in the mix, labelled with the names of cliche love songs, and a "to y/n, my beloved" or "to diluc, my dearest" written.

you chose to laugh at your own incredulity. it came out pained, weak. tired.

tied with a worn-out rubber band, you saw a stack of small papers, with affirmations written on them. before diluc headed out to work, he used to write you little notes to keep you company in his absence.

adelinde probably helped him put those around the house. it ranged from simple, mundane things like "finish two bottles of water today, you can't keep forgetting", to essays and paragraphs about how much he adored you. you valued both of them equally, they really made your day.

and those notes that made you grin back then, now make you break out into a pitiful sob. you thought to yourself, you were pathetic.

it hurted so much. you couldn't explain it, but it was eating you whole. you made him your temple, your world revolved around diluc solely for seven years. now that he was gone, you didn't know what else you had left. what responsibilites, what obligations and commitments did you have now?

the gods hated you, you thought. diluc hated you too, probably. you hated yourself even more.

maybe going out for drinks wasn't a good idea. you thought it could get your mind off things, but instead, you were running straight to the problem.

you called diluc.

"diluc," you slurred, holding onto the coffee table. "i miss you."

your house was a mess, with things thrown around, a broken vase lying on the floor from when you bumped into it a few seconds ago. you got drunk, despite being a lightweight. you just needed to get your mind off everything.

but even in your subconcious, you still came back to him. that's what you hated most. and you most certainly weren't in the right state of mind to call your ex.

you could hear diluc's steady breathing from the other end of the line. he didn't respond to you, instead choosing to ask a question.

"...are you drunk?"

"no," you chuckled, "i just miss you." you were starting to have a splitting headache, so you crashed onto your sofa. you accidentally collided with the lamp next to it, and hurt your arm.

you let out a groan of pain, and diluc asked you, worry evident in his tone, "y/n?! are you fine?"

"not really..." you replied, feeling your eyes close as you dozed off in deep slumber, he could hear your soft snoring. he hung up.

around 10 minutes later, you heard the doorbell ring, but you couldn't get up to answer it. diluc opened the door, mumbling a, "god, you forgot to lock the door? what if i hadn't come?"

he rushed to your side, calling your name. "y/n, look at me." he asked, and you grabbed his hand, eyes meeting his.

"you're really here... diluc? or am i hallucinating.." you mumbled, struggling to keep your eyes open. "i'm so mad at you."

diluc's throat went dry, and he spoke, "i know."

"i really want to hate you."

"i know."

"but i can't find it in me to hate you, for some reason. i'm just really frustrated at you, for treating me this way." you gripped on his clothes, shaking. "you're the worst person i've ever known."

"i know. i'm sorry." was all he could say, as he gently wrapped an arm around your back, trying to carry you.

"you're not sorry." you replied, with a hint of sobriety. diluc couldn't respond, he didn't know how. he silently carried you to your bedroom, slowly placing you on your bed.

"it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would, when you broke up with me. in that moment, i was just angry." you confessed, "but after a few days, it hit me. the realisation that you won't be there when i wake up anymore."

he didn't know what else to say. diluc didn't even know why he came running to your house. he wasn't in love anymore. it was over for him. it would be an overstatement to say he cared, too.

maybe it was pity.

but that made him sound heartless. maybe he was.

"i was so angry at you, i thought i never wanted to see you again." you frowned. "but when my anger faded, and i felt grief instead, i wanted to come back."

"why?" he asked.

"i wanted to come back because i loved you." you raised your voice, still keeping your calm.

diluc paused, not knowing what to say. he pressed his lips into a firm line, "i guess we've found another thing we can't agree on anymore."

"get some rest." he whispered. it was definitely the effects of the alcohol you had that night, but diluc almost seemed kind. you felt like you were in the past again.

why were you still clinging onto what was long gone? it was just you. he had moved on. you should too. though it was easier said than done.

maybe, just for tonight, you'd let yourself mourn your love that died. the love that would've, could've, and should've been something beautiful.

you sat with diluc on a park bench. your scarf was tightly wrapped around your neck, and you shuddered, feeling the cold air brush past your face.

"aren't you cold?" was the first thing you said to break the silence.

"no." diluc replied.

"ah, well, i shouldn't be surprised. for some reason, you never used to get cold." you let out a small laugh, "you're like a walking heater."

"is that why you liked to hold onto me?" he spoke, gaze fixated on the concrete street, as if it was far more interesting than you. "you would say, 'you're warm'. i thought it was just an excuse for you to get hugs."

"it was." you smiled. "i just wanted to hold you, to make sure you were real."

"did you wish i wasn't?" diluc asked, meeting your eyes for the first time in the last ten minutes. "when we had that fight, i mean."

"which one, diluc?"

diluc felt a pang of regret cut through his heart.

"the one we had after we had dinner with my colleagues." he inhaled sharply, shuddering as he breathed out. it wasn't because of the cold, maybe just because of how nervous he was feeling, or because of how he was just a few words away from letting tears roll down his cheeks.

"i always wanted you to be real, 'luc. no matter how hurt i was, i always hoped you'd come back. if it was a dream, i hoped i'd never wake up." you fiddled with your fingers, your cheeks red. "i guess i thought that... if we loved each other, then we'd always come back to each other."

silence engulfed the air, suffocating you both. gripping at your necks, but your pride was too strong to let you beg for mercy, too strong to let you both tear each other apart.

you were too mature for that, now, weren't you? you both had grown up, you couldn't let your emotions handle you. but sometimes, you wished you were a teenager again so you could forget about maturity, and scream, shout, cry, and yell at diluc, telling him how much he had hurt you.

"i... i'm... i don't know what to say, except, i'm so-" diluc began, but you knew what he had to say. and you didn't want to accept it. so you chose to not hear it at all.

"diluc. snow." you looked up to the sky, and he paused.

you watched the snow glisten in the sky, in pretty shapes that crystalised in the sky.

fog hazed over the night skies of mondstadt, and soft flurries of snow quickly rushed to the ground. they started to group together on the ground. white specks drifted in the winds, frigid air bellowing as you shivered.

you felt a wave of warmth rush through your body as diluc put a hand on yours in an attempt to warm you. in that moment, you couldn't help but think how he'd wrap you in his arms before. it just wasn't the same as it was.

"i feel happy," you murmured, tears rolling down your cheeks. "so happy."

diluc didn't have it in him to look at you.

you were close to accepting it all, though. all the heartbreak, all the tears and lonely nights spent agonising. you would accept all the bad times, just like the good ones.

it would just... take a while. you couldn't move on that fast. the would was so deep that it would take time to heal, but in the end, it would, nevertheless, heal.

if you had been sent an invitation to diluc's wedding a year ago, when he broke up with you, you wouldn't have attended. you would've cursed them out of spite.

but it had been a year since you two broke up. since you wrapped up the heartache. so when diluc's wedding invitation was sent to you in your mail, you smiled.

that's how you ended up at the venue of this momentous occassion, though arguably his bride-to-be was not all that happy about having you here.

i mean, you dated diluc longer than she had known him.

and maybe diluc dragging you away to a secluded corner was seemingly innapropriate behaviour at his wedding, but diluc (for once) did not care about what other people thought. he needed to talk to you.

you weren't that interested in anything he had to say. he had told you everything already, even the most hurtful of words. still, guilt doesn't let you end things to make peace with yourself. and it seemed, this same guilt was eating at him.

"i'm sorry, y/n." diluc held your hand tightly, his voice low.

"careful, you wouldn't wanna get caught being handsy with another woman at your wedding, no?" you laughed, letting go of his hand. "i've forgiven you, diluc. not because i excuse whatever you put me through, but because i want to move on from you."

you looked at diluc's bride.

"... congratulations, diluc. she's beautiful." you smiled, cheeks warm.

a beautiful fool.

diluc felt his breath hitch, and he nodded, "yeah. thanks."

it was time for the ceremony, so diluc left you, once again. just like all the times before. but the only difference was, it didn't hurt as much this time.

he had found happiness. and you told yourself, you could too. without him.

you were over diluc. for real, this time. no going back.

he wouldn't look at you the way he used to, he won't hold you the way he used to. that love dissipated into thin air, like it never existed.

you had accepted it, though. it was over. your relationship with him would never come back. but it was terribly beautiful while it lasted, ingraved in your memories. your love in the shade of golden.

published on; 24th may, 2023. writing belongs to @/vellichxrr6782 on tumblr.

#[🔖 vellichxrr writes ]#genshin diluc #genshin impact diluc #diluc ragnvindr #diluc #diluc angst #diluc x y/n #diluc x reader #diluc ragnivindr x reader #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin impact #diluc x you #diluc headcanons #diluc imagines

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lavenderbexlatte · 7 months

Text

day 3: mirror sex

stray kids 1.5k words gender neutral reader insert Reader x Bang Chan NSFW

🖤 warnings: undernegotiated kink, implied consent, themes of negative body image🖤

🎂 happy bang chan day~

kinktober masterlist

connect with me! / masterlist

Truly, these are the dangers of not pre-booking a place to stay.

Last-minute travel isn't usually your thing, but an unexpectedly long weekend means that there's finally time in your favorite guy's backbreaking schedule for a little getaway.

But last-minute travel, with no hotel booked, means love motels.

They're not as creepy as they sound, not usually dirty or weird. Inexpensive, yes, and usually a little older than the resorts and boutiques that most people prefer. They get a bad rap just because of the connotations, but like, people have sex in all kinds of hotels.

You think it's kind of cool, honestly. Homey, in a weird way.

The person at the front desk is a nice older lady, and she doesn't even blink as she asks if the two of you have any plans this weekend.

"Plans outside the room, I mean."

She winks. She's not subtle, but it's sweet.

And now, in the elevator, Chan is looking around in unmasked horror. Taking in the garish burgundy interior, the thinly-veiled adverts for sex workers taped to the walls.

"It's not that bad," you say.

"It'll be fine for two nights," Chan replies, sounding as if he doesn't believe that at all. "Anyway, we're only sleeping here. We'll have stuff to do."

"Oh, come on. We might as well put the place to its intended use."

Chan scoffs, as if the idea of using the sex motel for sex is ridiculous.

"As long as the room's clean, that's all I care about," you continue. "It's a hotel. Whatever."

"Whatever," Chan agrees tentatively.

He's still lying to himself, but he does relax a little.

When you get to your floor, things are extremely normal. Nondescript hotel decor, the faint smell of carpet cleaning solution and lemon furniture polish. Cleaner than other places you've stayed for far more money, honestly.

The room itself is at the end of the hall, which you like, for the privacy, even though there are only five or six rooms on the floor.

You let yourself into the room, and it's as clean and fresh as the rest of the hall. Again, about as good as it gets in terms of a cheap hotel.

"See?" you say.

Chan looks at you, clearly unimpressed.

"What? It's clean. I'll check for bedbugs, but other than that..."

He points upward.

There is a giant mirror stuck to the ceiling above the bed, but nowhere is perfect.

"Even that's clean," you joke.

The surface of the glass is spotless, no fingerprints and not even any dust that you can see from down here. Chan still looks unhappy. Cleanliness is obviously not his concern.

"Don't be a downer," you say.

"Why do people like that?" he grumbles.

You've set your bag down on the armchair in the corner of the room, rifling through it for your toiletries to set out in the bathroom, but you humor him without looking. "Like what?"

"The mirrors."

"In the room?" you glance at him. "Isn't that, like, the sex motel cliche? The heart shaped bed, the red lights, the mirrors?"

This room only has one of the above. Pretty tame.

"It just means you have to - I mean, you can already see your partner, why would you need-"

"You're really thinking about this," you interrupt.

He is. He really is, standing beside the bed and staring up at his own reflection pensively.

"It's so you can see yourself," you add, walking past with your armload of cosmetics.

From in the bathroom, you hear his answer, still pouty.

"Why would I wanna do that?"

Oh, here we go.

"Some people get off on it," you say.

He scoffs a laugh, humorless. You're being generous by not calling him out, here, because he's being self-deprecating. You hate that.

"I'm gonna terrify myself in the middle of the night," he says.

That might be true. He's a little bit of a scaredy-cat. But that's beside the point.

"That's not your actual problem, though," you reply, as you come back into the room proper.

He shrugs.

"Haven't you ever been curious?" you ask.

"About what I look like?" he shoots back, glancing back up at the mirror. "Done. Wow."

"I mean during."

Immediately, like flipping a switch, his ears flame pink. "Not really."

"No? Never?"

He looks at you pointedly. He knows what you're doing. You're not subtle, so that's fine.

"We should find out," you say, grinning.

It's a challenge, now.

Your gorgeous, gorgeous boy hates how he looks. That's common knowledge for anyone who's tried to get him to take a photo together, or shop for clothes, or compliment him on a new haircut. Most of your mutual friends just ignore it. But sometimes you just can't stand it.

He would never be the type to want to see himself in the mirror in the throes of passion, uninhibited. Which is exactly why he needs to give it a try.

"How easy do you think I am?" he accuses, correctly.

"I dunno." Instead of bothering him more, you flop down onto the bed yourself, feet still on the floor, staring up at your reflection. "You tell me."

The bait is laid, and like always, his insatiable ass can't help it. You two haven't had proper alone time in what feels like forever. He nudges between your knees, standing over you as you lay there on your back. You already like the look of the scene in the mirror, the way that his reflected form looms, the way it makes you look small.

"You know," Chan says, "We could put this place to its intended use."

You grin at your own words recycled. Great minds and all that.

"What an idea."

"Just an idea," he assures you.

He drops onto his knees, nudging you up the mattress to make room for himself.

You almost lose track of your own plan, once he kisses you. Hands roam, clothes are lost, the ease and comfort of something you've done so many times. For a while, it's just an encounter like all the others. His hands that know you, his warmth and presence and attention.

And then you remember, suddenly, once you're nude and he is too, and he's asking you how you want it.

"You on your back," you say, trying not to smile at your own ingeniousness and reveal the plan.

"You got it, baby."

He flips over, and he's settled fully into the pillows with you halfway onto his lap before he looks up. He looks up at the ceiling, and he realizes.

"Wait-"

"Gotcha," you smirk, settling fully on top of him.

He could very easily just knock you over and change things up, or he could ask you to stop, and of course, you would. But he doesn't. He just flushes, red again down his ears, his neck, and he covers his face with his hands.

"That's not gonna work," you say, peeling his fingers away from his eyes.

"I can't believe you tricked me," he says pitifully.

"I did no such thing," you reply. "But now that we're here, why don't we play a game?"

"Something tells me I won't like this game."

"Here's the rules," you say.

You pause long enough to rise onto your knees, to seek out his length - desperately hard, revealing that you haven't freaked him out too badly - and line him up.

"I'm gonna make us feel good. And you...have to look."

Chan pouts, putting his full lips to good use. "I'd rather look at you. Don't you want me to look at you?"

He punctuates it by running his hands up your back, hips to shoulder blades, soothing attention from gentle fingertips.

"I think you should look at yourself," you tell him.

"But-"

"Actually, no. I think you have to look at yourself," you decide.

He peeks upward. His flush deepens.

You're not sure why he doesn't like what he sees. From where you are, it's stunning. His slim body lines, the sharp cut of his face and his dark eyes against the bleached-white hotel sheets. Distractibly, biteably pink and embarrassed.

"If you don't look at yourself," you add, dropping your hips just enough so that he can feel you, "I'll stop."

He looks overdramatically betrayed, like a dog when you take their toy away to throw it. It's cute enough that you reach down to squeeze his face in your hand.

"That's the game," you say.

"Fine."

His voice is an embarrassed squeak, but that's consent, baby. You trust him enough to know that although he hates losing, he's not going to yes you to death if things are actually feeling uncool.

Permission granted, and his eyes dutifully trained on the ceiling, you ease yourself down onto his waiting length.

Curiously, once you're seated and he's swearing through his teeth, you tilt your head up to look at yourself, too. The angle isn't as good to see you, but you've got the gist of it. Your spread thighs, your arched back, the little bit of motion as you grind on top of him.

Nice.

"Don't we look good?" you ask, sweet as can be.

He nods against the pillow. "You look-"

"Not me," you tut. "You're not supposed to be looking at me."

Chan swears. You wait.

"I...I look..."

After a second, he swallows, and squeezes his eyes shut.

Pity.

You pull back up onto your knees. His wet cock slips free.

"I told you the rules. Keep looking at you."

#kinktober 2023 #kpop kinktober #stray kids fanfic #bang chan fanfic #bang chan fanfiction #bang chan smut #stray kids smut #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #skz smut #skz fanfic

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oggirlboss · 1 month

Text

[eat!]

pairing[s]: rich! yandere!levi ackerman x anorexic!afab!reader

warnings: disordered eating, insecurities, implied [light] stalking.

summary: reader struggles with healthy eating and levi isn't blind to it.

artwork belongs to gemmsenn on twitter.

the last bell of the day resonated in the hazy minds of everyone in the classroom. the teacher sighed, quickly jotting down the page numbers for the upcoming homework assignment while everyone scrambled to put their school supplies away into their backpack. you piled all your books into your bag and slung it over your shoulder as you morphed into the crowd that was forming at the door, pushing and shoving past each other into the hallway. you tried your best to weave through the sea of people, carefully maneuvering yourself to avoid all contact with unwanted persons. upon emerging into the sunlit courtyard, you began your trek back home. it's roughly two miles to get from school to your house, but the walk home wasn't very familiar yet. you started walking to and from school at the beginning of this week so you could get some extra exercise in each morning and afternoon. you were glad for the opportunity it provided you and your mother because she didn't have to worry about driving you, and you didn't have to worry about her pestering you into eating breakfast before you left for school. it allowed her to get a good night's sleep everyday, which she really needed after she started working a combined afternoon and evening shift at the local diner in order to put away some money for your college fund.

she's such a good mom. you smiled at the thought. she deserves a better daughter.

these self-deprecating thoughts washed over you in waves, and if you didn't snap yourself out of it, you would be caught in a lethal undertow. just as you closed your eyes to submit to the numbing feeling, you heard a car engine purr to life, and were startled to see it heading your direction, going faster and faster by the second. it screeched to a halt beside where you stood on the sidewalk, suspense held a tight grip on your bones as the driver's window slowly rolled down, the inky blackness inside the car becoming exposed to the sunlight that illuminated the world outside of it.

"oi, [l/n]!" a deep voice sounded from inside the car, it made you uneasy that this random person knew your name, but something about it was strikingly familiar. you tried to remember who this person could be, but before you could could actually think, the driver leaned his head out the window to smile up at you.

"levi?" you hunch over and grip the straps of your backpack tightly. levi was the vice president of the student council and the co-founder of a food bank on the outskirts of town. levi ackerman was also notoriously known around school for the large sum of money he inherited from his deceased uncle kenny. levi and his mother used to be nobodies that lived in the less savory parts of town, but now they owned the biggest mansion on sina avenue, where all of the other rich people lived. it was also thirteen miles in the opposite direction. "what are you doing here? don't you live on the other side of town?" you didn't mean to sound rude, but his behavior was a little weird.

"oh." levi let a faint blush dust his cheeks. he didn't think you knew that about him, but he was pleased that he had gained a big enough reputation at school for you to notice him. after all, he had worked very hard for it. "in all honesty, i was following you. you looked lonely and i wanted to offer you a ride home."

"that's nice of you." you smiled, thinking of a way to decline without being rude.

"is it?" his head tilted to the side as a weary smile graced his features.

"i mean... yeah." maybe it was your imagination, but something about him was a little off-putting. you'd thought it was weird how during lunch today you turned around to look at levi and saw that he'd already been staring at you. it was odd to see that the day after you lost your chapstick, he started using the same brand. it was unsettling to see that he was always reading a book that you had read before and placed on the bookshelf in your room. it was all just too weird for your liking, but you were raised to trust your intuition. "i'm fine, thank you for the offer though. have a nice afternoon." you quickly spoke out before walking briskly in the other direction.

"wait!" he shouted. slowly following you with his car. "please let me drive you home. i don't want you walking alone on the side of the road."

"it's really no problem. it's how i've always gotten home." a harmless lie, but it couldn't be helped. you needed to get this guy off your tail. he let out an exasperated sigh.

"please, [y/n]. get in the car." you didn't want to be mean to him, since he's never been anything but nice to you. you really were getting too soft. wordlessly, you walked around and sat in the passengers seat of his car. he smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "thank you."

his car had an all black interior, and his bag was in the back seat. you pulled the straps off your back and leaned over the console to place yours beside his. he couldn't stop himself from admiring the swell of your breasts as your back arched to reach where you wanted to place your backpack. he waited patiently for you to buckle your seatbelt before driving off. you thought it would be best to pursue a conversation rather than sit in an awkward silence. you pondered over a question to ask him as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.

"what kind of music do you listen to?" you inwardly applauded yourself for the excellent on the spot question.

"i try not to listen to music very often. it's distracting."

"oh." maybe your attempt to make conversation wasn't as excellent as you thought. you didn't excel in small talk, and your small circle of friends definitely proved that. it's not like they weren't good people, but sometimes they spread rumors about you and even say disgusting things to your face. sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. your earliest memory was your mother bandaging up your scraped knee after mikasa ackerman pushed you to the ground and called you nasty names. that lesson was ingrained in your mind, but it's message never rang true. words do hurt. they sit in a boiling pot in your brain until it spills over the edge, scalding everyone it touches. it was becoming more and more difficult to keep focus lately, your mind was barely holding on by a thread. there was white noise filling up the car, distracting you from everything that existed outside of your thoughts. you didn't even notice he was talking until he poked your shoulder. shaking yourself out of your stupor, you looked over at levi with a dazed look on your face.

"i'm sorry, did you say something?"

"i asked if you wanted to grab some food along the way." he tilted his head, wondering where your focus had gone for those few seconds. it may have been a bit weird, but it didn't raise any alarm in him. meanwhile you were panicking at the thought of food.

"no no no. i'm good." you hurriedly stated. "thanks for the offer though."

"really?" levi asked, looking down at the way you held your shrunken stomach. "because it's no problem."

"no, i promise i'm not hungry at all." he must've seen through your façade, his eyebrows furrowed as he scrutinized how odd you were acting.

"not even if it's fast food? i promise it won't take any time at all."

"no. no, i just want to go home."

"please?" this immediate refusal of food was beginning to trouble him. what if there was something really wrong with you? "i insist."

you slowly began to understand that you weren't winning this battle. concessions needed to be made. "okay, i guess." levi visibly relaxed.

"alright, where do you want to eat?"

"anywhere should be fine."

"okay..." he paused as he thought of a restaurant you might like. "what about jack in the box?" you hissed at the thought of their high calorie menu.

"i dunno. what about panera bread?" you felt a bit guilty about the suggestion since it was so far away from where you were, but seeing levi's eyes light up at your choice made it all melt away.

perfect. he thought. the only panera bread is two towns away, it'll give me more time to spend with her. "that sounds wonderful. much better than anything i would have come up with." you smiled a bit at his kind words.

"thank you."

the drive there was less awkward from then on out. levi seemed very interested in hearing you talk about books you like, and sometimes he would chime in if he didn't understand what you were saying. you however were very excited to have someone who was willing to listen to your raving antics. at least levi payed attention to you, and didn't brush you to the side like your few friends did. once you reached the drive through, you told levi your order and he relayed it to the person on duty. he handed you your food and tore at the wrappings of his sandwich as he drove away. you set your soup in your lap, wrapping your hands around the warm sides of the plastic container. he frowned at this.

"you aren't going to eat it?" he asked as he took another bite.

"not yet."

"but your soup will get cold?" you could have laughed at the innocent look in his eyes as he expressed his concern over your soup.

"oh, no. it'll be fine. i can just heat it up in the microwave when i get home." and before you knew it, you were already parked outside of your house. "this was fun. we should do it again." you smiled as levi nodded. he was already looking forward to it. you opened the door as you tried to exit the car, but you were probed by your curiosity to ask him the question that had been gnawing at you. "by the way, levi-" you turned around in your seat and met his cold eyes. dark brown hair fell over them, half obscuring his vision of you. he obviously needed to give himself a haircut. "how did you know where i live?"

"well, uh," he stalled trying to think of a good excuse. "i'm the vice president of the student council. it's only natural that i have access to the files of every student beneath my command and know their places of residence." you carefully saw through his defense.

"that doesn't sound like it would be nessacary to do your job though."

"what are you going to do? tell on me?" his words spoke of a challenge, but his eyes flaunted a certainty that reminded you that you stood powerless against the vice-president.

you bit your lip, hesitating to find the right answer. "i guess you're right." you grabbed your soup and your backpack and left him alone in his car. once you were back in the confines of your room, you thought back to your conversations with levi as you sipped at your cold soup.

levi's so pretty, but he'll never like you in that way unless you're skinny. there were some days where you saw the thicker girls on instagram and thought about how cute they were and how nice it would be to get back to a more stable weight, but other days made you feel disgusting for even considering that option. you used to be so passionate about losing weight and seeing the fat roll of your body. the lack of motivation to lose weight lately has turned you lazy, and it's gotten so bad that you've started to almost enjoy food again. there was a part of yourself that still harbored those thoughts, the ones that said it was better to be a combination of skinny and sad than fat and happy. but that didn't mean that you cared enough to change it.

most nights were spent crying into your pillow while scrolling through the saved thinspo on your phone and re-reading the underlined sections in your purchased copy of wintergirls by laurie halse-anderson. your mind always wandered off when you did these things. that was by far your biggest obstacle when it came to losing weight. the rational side of your brain tried to convince you that you were just like everyone else, and you deserved to eat just as much as they did. these thoughts were always drowned out by the self-deprecating ones. but that little seed that told you how worthy you were of food was always lingering, and sometimes you listened to it. of course you were overwhelmed with guilt when you binged, but that couldn't be helped. you needed to renew your vigor to stop eating so you can get to your goal weight. the hope that you could get smaller and prettier was the only thing that gave your life any meaning. it was by no means a life worth living, but it was yours. there were girls your age enjoying what life had to offer at parties and preparing for the rest of their lives in dim-lit libraries, but you didn't have the energy to spare much of either. instead you let the walls of your room cage you, and nested into the comforts of your bed as soon as you got home every night.

you couldn't afford to be doing those things now, not while you were fat. the bottle of laxatives rattled around in your backpack, but the sound was easy to ignore while your raging headache was at the forefront of your mind. it wasn't as if hadn't drank enough water to drown a fish today, and the three tylenol pills you swallowed in second period weren't helping to ease your pain at all.

all of this suffering will be worth it though when you get your new body. you'll be able to take pictures of yourself in the mirror and not feel embarrassed, and have boney hands that will look like they were picked off of a skeleton. you could sit daintily in levi's lap and feel him rub bruises into your staunch hipbones. but most of all you'll be pretty. you can finally look how you feel on the inside. but until then, you'll just have to suffer.

you were shivering down to your bones as you walked to school the next morning. you knew that you were more at risk for contracting an illness because of your abnormal eating habits, but as always, here you were placing your academics above your health. it was a struggle to open the wrought iron doors of school, the few people in the hallway oblivious to how you pulled and tugged at the handle to no avail. a scuffle of shoes behind you and a half-hearted sigh alerted you of the presence of a person beside you. "tch. can't even open a shitty door. you froze, recognizing the voice instantly. why did it have to be levi, of all people, to see you so weak?

"ah, sorry about that." you said as you moved to the side, allowing him to open the door for the both of you. he ushered you inside, quickly taking notice of how thin your sweater was. you clearly couldn't take care of yourself. not if you couldn't even look over the damn weather report that said the temperature would drop below freezing today. he walked slowly, not wanting you to get too far behind him. before he knew what he was doing, he turned to his side to say some snide remark to you about your clear lack of athletic prowess, only to go pale as he sees you aren't even there. he turned around to see that you were still breathing heavily and leaning against the wall. he hurried back over to where you stood, providing an arm for you to cling to as he supported your weight. you must've been quite the sight for him to be staring at you so worried. "you're pale as death. you look like you've seen a ghost." you joked, hoping that he would laugh and ease your nerves, but he didn't. he continued staring at you unblinkingly, like you had sprouted a second head.

"there is something wrong with you." he spoke softly so only you could hear.

"wow." you put the remaining energy you had into laughing and throwing a light punch into his shoulder. "you sure know how to offend a girl. i didn't even know you could be so rude."

"that's not what i meant and you know it." there was a flaming intensity in his face, he was only a few steps away from looking furious, and with every joke you tried to crack he stepped closer to that line. "do you need me to take you to the infirmary?"

"no, i'll be alright. plus you must have heard the horror stories that are told about nurse jaeger. can you walk me to my next class though?" you smiled up at him weakly. the worried expression on his face dropped, he looked like he was back to his old self. back to not caring enough to show a single emotion. he let you hold onto his shoulder as he walked you closer and closer to the nurses office. "very funny. this doesn't look like a classroom." you said as he helped you settle into one of the beds.

"i'll wait with you until the nurse comes back." he said. a sudden shout from the hallway roused you out of your thoughts. you turned to see nurse jaeger chewing out a kid for running through the halls as she chased after him, also running in the hall. it was quite the sight. by the time she'd tired herself out, she had come back to her office trying to catch her breath.

"ah, levi." she swallowed some air heavily. "it's good to see you again. what are you here for?"

"[y/n] wasn't feeling very well, so i decided to bring her to you."

"is this true, [y/n]?" she said turning over to you, bringing her hand up to feel for your temperature. you nodded, not meeting her gaze.

"well i'll see what i can do." carla quickly set out to gather all her medical instruments and place them on the bed as she started to tend to you. the bright light she shined in your eyes was starting to give you a headache and the tongue depressor she shoved down your throat tasted like it had been used. she pushed the thermometer too far underneath your tongue and squeezed your arm too tight as she took your blood pressure. "well, the good news is that you don't have strep, but the bad news is you're running a low grade fever, and your blood pressure is astoundingly low." she sighed. "i'll call your mom to come pick you up." your eyes widened as you realized the severity of this situation. if your mom found out you were sick she'd spoon feed you her awful chicken soup and you didn't have the time or patience to deal with that. the calories that alone contained were enough to give you a headache.

"wait! you don't have to do that. i can walk myself home. promise." carla was surprised at your outburst, especially since excuses were the first thing out of your mouth. carla hated excuses.

"well tough titties, sister. she's getting a call." carla was just about to place her hand on the phone before levi spoke up.

"you know nurse jaeger, i could walk [y/n] home and pump her full of advil and be back before school even starts." he pressed his index finger to the hollow of his chin while he thought about it. "and nobody would be the wiser." carla's brows furrowed as she sighed.

"i suppose that would be alright so long as you come straight back to school. no funny business." she waved her finger back and forth as she shook her head.

"thank you, ma'am." levi said as he helped you out of bed and out into the hallway. you were long out of earshot when you decided to speak again.

"thanks."

"for what? for helping you, or for getting carla to not call your mom?" he felt awkward trying to half carry you while others watched. "what was that about?"

"i guess i just don't want to bother her." you frowned at how pathetic you sounded. "she already does so much for me. i don't want to be a burden." levi opened the door for you and started ushering you towards the passengers side of his car.

"but she's your mother. you're allowed to be dependent on her, especially if you're sick."

"i know. i know. it's just, it's that, i don't want her to find out what i've been doing." levi tilted his head as he opened the car door for you and buckled your seatbelt. he thought about all of his observations, everything he'd written down about what he's seen from you, and it wasn't like he had seen you doing anything wrong. you were his perfect angel.

"what do you mean by that?" you were halfway passed out, leaning against the window as he rushed to get you back home. you felt a migraine start to form as you tried your best to loosen your aching body.

"i don't want my mom to find out i've stopped eating because i don't want her to worry." before you could comprehend what exactly you had said, you felt the momentum of the car halt to a complete stop. you were just at the exit of the school's property as levi put the car in park and turned to face you. shit. you were never going to make it home at this rate. you didn't mean for it to slip out so casually. your brain was just so foggy lately, and with this fever adding on to it, your thoughts were even more scattered. levi tried his best to remain calm as he thought of all the questions he had.

"why did you stop eating?" his brows furrowed. "is it to lose weight? i promise that you don't need to do that." you rubbed the tip of your shoes together and kept your gaze to the ground so you didn't have to look him in the eyes. you knew that if you looked into his eyes it would all feel too real, and that's when the tears would start. god, i'm such a crybaby. you thought as you pondered what your response would be to levi's question.

"it's less about losing the weight and more about experiencing what i'll have once i lose it."

"well what's that?"

"you know, people treat you nicer when you're skinny, and they call you pretty and stuff." your teeth pressed into your lip and were seconds away from drawing blood. "but that sounds stupid, doesn't it?" levi ignored your question entirely.

"is that it?" he sighed. "you want to be called pretty? i'll call you pretty right now and you won't have to lose the weight." your face scrunched together as you tried to think of another excuse.

"it's not just that, it will be easier to move without all the extra fat hanging off me, and i'll be able to fit in cute clothes, and i'll be able to sit in someone's lap without worrying about crushing them, and i'll have a flat tummy." you drummed your pointer finger on the tip of your chin as you tried to think of anything that would justify you starving yourself. "my ribcage will start sticking out more and i won't be insecure about having a double chin, because it'll get starved off my body. oh! and thin legs too. i really want to have skinny legs."

levi couldn't find it in himself to reply, he just stared at you with his mouth agape. how could you be so blind? how could you not see yourself the way that he sees you? "you don't need all of that." levi felt his voice crack more than he heard it.

"that doesn't mean i can't want it." your lips trembled as you felt the tears start to form. you knew this wasn't fucking normal, but you pretended to believe that there was no other option for you. "i want to be prettier, levi. i don't want to get better." you shifted around in your seat to face him and shoved your face into the crook of his neck. your arms wrapped around him and your heart plummeted when he didn't move to embrace you back. you just sobbed into his shoulder, getting the fabric of his nice shirt wet with your tears and snot. this was awful, but when he brought his arms up to hold you closer to him, you knew that this was the worst part. it wasn't the headaches or the purging or the memory loss. it was the feeling of being weak in front of the person you admired most that made the pain of every other part of life pale in comparison. you realized as you clung onto each other like a lifeline, that things couldn't get worse. you were comforted as you thought about how much better things could get if you kept levi by your side.

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reveluving · 2 months

Text

see you on thursday ; jeff sadecki x reader

summary: the future starts to seem brighter when Jeff reunites with a familiar face in front of the therapy clinic.

warnings: bits of angst ; infidelity (teen!Jeff, not on reader), Shauna slander (sorry but it’s a habit at this point kdlsjsdl), your issue is unspecified in therapy (besides the plane crash), self-deprecating humour, Jeff's a little ashamed about therapy but you talk him through it. all in all, loads of fluff! 🩷

a/n: based on this ask because who am I to say no to this handsome? can't thank you enough for sharing with me this lil' idea and I hope to see more!! 💋 don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» fancy reading another Jeff fic? check out the m.list!

'But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.' ;

Jeff was the first to see you, and the second he recognized who you are, he immediately turned around, standing awkwardly in hopes that the girl he truly had a good relationship with back in high school didn't see him like this; from a well-off charmer to nothing more than a newly divorced man who has been seeking therapy for a few months or so.

Surely, that wasn’t her, right?

“Jeff?” His stomach flipped, cursing his luck.

“(Y/N), hey,” He mentally facepalmed, embarrassed for eagerly greeting her even before his eyes landed on her, “Surprised to see you here.”

“You're telling me,” You grinned, “You just finished your session today?”

“Yeah… You?”

“Just got here,” You cocked your head in the direction of the entrance, “Running a little late, though. But it’s really nice seeing you. See you around!”

“Yeah, yeah, see you around.” His voice fell to a whisper by the time you entered the building. It all happened so fast, not a second was offered for him to just… digest whatever just happened.

You saw each other again a week later, greeting each other in a rush once again as it was Jeff who was running late to his session. By the time you bumped into each other again the third time, you realized your sessions aligned.

Every Thursday, with Jeff's usually an hour before yours.

You had different therapists, though, with Jeff's specializing in his past mistakes and yours highlighting the uncertainties for your future.

The first month of your reunion was nothing more than a quick chat in the waiting room or by the smoking area outside the clinic, with none of you dared to ask about the other's issue—the immediate sign of trust and comfort.

Mustering the sheer courage to ask you out for coffee at a nearby café was hard, asking a particular question was harder, largely because he wanted to word it right.

“You weren't like, scared?” He approached the topic ever so slowly upon questioning your decision to try therapy.

“I'd be lying if I said I wasn't,” You shrugged, swirling your cup, “Trust me, it took me a while. But I wasn't really getting somewhere, just thinking about it. I mean, having nightmares about being in a plane crash is one thing, who's to say there won't be a crazier, more traumatising thing than that in the future?”

He chuckled—he learned you had a knack for lightening up the mood for a topic you were still recovering from.

But he also wanted to know one more thing. An embarrassing thought, but like you said; he wouldn't be going anywhere if he didn't at least voice it out.

“And you don't think it's a little weird to see me going to one? And me looking like this?” He motioned to himself from head to toe with a quirk of his brow. He didn't mean it in an egotistical way, not by any means. But he'd be lying to both you and himself to say he wanted to flee when he saw you after over a decade.

“To be honest, I was kinda surprised you even recognized me at the centre.” He continued, the corner of his lips quirking half-heartedly.

“Jeff,” You said his name with a chuckle, and boy, was it the sweetest sound he had ever heard, “It’s the 21st century. If anything, I think you’re real brave for…” You motioned your hands around, hoping to find the right words, “Y’know, breaking the norm. Putting your fear and ego aside for potentially positive life-changing advice. And besides, I can’t forget a cute face.”

Oh.

Ever since the bashful look growing on his face as he stared into his drink, you made it a point to compliment him often. Each is as genuine as the last.

“Hey, we're scared of things we might not be aware of. Scared of making mistakes, whether we've done it before or not. But at least we know we're going through some shit. If anything, I'm a little more confident going to therapy, knowing that a familiar face is going there, too,” It was impossible not to mirror the smile on your face, albeit, yours more comforting than his, “We'll get through it. Together.”

You meant it platonically.

He knew that you meant it platonically.

And yet, none of you could help it.

It took a while to make your feelings explicitly known to each other, largely because both of you wanted to be better before taking the big leap.

Your first true date, funnily enough, wasn't at your usual café. Much less of the milky coffee he'd get or the watered-down iced drink you'd opt for. Rather, he brought you to a quaint diner he had frequented during the last few months of his crumbling marriage with Shauna.

“Sorry about your divorce.” Somehow, Shauna became the subject in hand, but not in an awkward way.

“You didn’t even like her.” His tone wasn't accusatory but more so a lighthearted fact, paired with a knowing smile.

“You’re right, I didn’t,” You responded with little to zero regrets, and so was the look on your face, “But you did. Love ain't easy to brush off.”

You were truthful yet considerate, if that made sense.

He knew that someday, the diner would play a big part in his life, even after he became a bachelor. It was one of the places he sought after if the house felt too stuffy, too awkward to be even in the same building as his ex-wife. Too many thoughts about her disloyalty, and soon enough, his own when he was a teen.

He wants to be better. He always has since he and Shauna became a thing, when he became a husband, and he held onto that hope for too long, even when he saw that the relationship was hanging onto a thread.

It was bound to happen. It was karma. It was the universe coming back to bite him in the ass, and he accepted it.

But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.

And he will, as he always has for years.

With the weekend rolling around, he didn't have to worry about closing his store in a rush to head over to your place. Not once has he ever come over empty-handed, especially with takeouts that would leave you with leftovers for the morning after.

This time, he found you just about to carry a big box.

“Whoop, whoop, hey. Hang on,” He tried to get your attention, picking up the pace without the risk of dropping the sets of lunch he had bought, “Let me get that for you.”

“I can handle it.” You reassured, hands still holding the box but not lifted just yet.

“Nope. I'm not moving until you put it down.” He was dead set on helping you, standing in the middle of the walkway with a supposedly serious look. Still, you giggled—if he had dog ears, they would've definitely drooped.

You fondly rolled your eyes, “Okay, okay. At least let me hold the food?”

He relented, knowing he couldn't say no with the way you fluttered your lashes at him. He passed the bag of food to you so he could easily carry the box, but not before making a show by puffing his chest to hear your irresistible laugh.

As if that wasn't enough to make his heart flutter, you pressed your lips against his cheek, pulling back with a little ‘smooch’. A flush of embarrassment rose to his cheeks, and before he even realized it, a goofy smile made its way to his face.

“Thank you. One of these days, I'll make it up for your chivalry.”

“I mean,” He was almost too shy to meet your gaze. Almost, “I won't say no to your kisses. They're kinda nice”

He wanted to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he wasn't fooling anybody, and it showed when you playfully pouted.

“Just ‘kinda nice’?”

He huffed in amusement, and he didn't let himself mull over his own doubts when he quickly pecked your cheek, breaking away just as quickly before you could even enjoy his soft lips.

“They're very nice.” He corrected, more confident and relaxed than before.

You weren't certain how long you'd been staring into each other’s eyes before you responded.

“Good, because I enjoy your pretty little kisses, too,” The stiffness in his shoulders had visibly eased. There was no way you could stop yourself from planting another one, this time, tiptoeing to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Plus,” You turned around, heading to the door while speaking over your shoulders, “I have plenty.”

That seemed to have snapped him out of his moment of enjoyment, though the grin that you loved remained. He immediately jogged up to you when you held the door for him.

Only to catch you by surprise by stealing another kiss before casually walking off to your living room with the box.

“I'm putting this on the table!”

You were elated to hear the excitement in his voice. An indication that whatever you and Jeff were having from this moment on…

Was just the beginning.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

Bonus:

If you're like me who's obsessed with aquariums, then I come bearing an extra!

Though your home was a lot smaller than Jeff’s, be it a one-storey house or a high-rise, it was also full of life. Thoughts and time were made into your decision-making in your decorations, not only to make your sanctuary pleasing to the eye but also, well, a sanctuary. A place where you sought comfort and safety. There has never been a day where he’s greeted with an environment of eerie silence; a funky jazz song played at low volume, random news playing on the TV, or just you humming a tune—an indication of a good day—there’s always a sign in your home that practically said; ‘this house breathes life’.

But after a rare busy day at the furniture store, he comes over at night.

With the extra key you gave him, he opens the door. No TV, no radio, not even a hum. But you did call him over from the living room.

“In here!” Blue light illuminates from said room, and Jeff’s come over long enough to know it wasn’t any of your usual lamps, and paired with the sounds of water continuously running, he had a hunch of what it was.

Still, nothing could’ve prepared for the sight before him.

He has seen your reef tank plenty of times, shallow and at a length that was almost half the size of the room, placed against the wall and away from the window. Granted, he’s only seen during the daytime, so he had never gotten the chance to enjoy the beauty of it at night. Plus, you had talked about how the tank, minus the fish, could survive with light and plankton alone, but you just liked to put some effort into something you loved.

Like today.

The corals and reefs were almost neon under the singular blue light—the only source of light at that moment. The gobies and harlequin shrimps seemed more active than what he was used to, especially with you feeding the ecosystem coral food with a turkey baster. Poised and calculated, no doubt this wasn’t your first rodeo.

“Hey,” You glanced up at him, eyes brighter and lit up under the unnatural light, “I’m almost done. We can eat in a bit if you don’t mind. Turn the TV on, if you want.”

He didn’t. He didn’t even glance at the remote, too focused on the lively set of life, all in the good hands of the person he couldn’t keep his eyes off of, such as now.

“Wanna help me out?” He blinked, too entranced that he didn’t even notice your head tilting up at him, and with a look like that, how could he say no?

He was extra careful, dipping the end of the baster close to a coral, the palythoas, only to express his amazement as the mouths began to close, capturing its food the way Venus flytraps would. The gobies, too, approached little by little, eager to be fed by the gentle stranger. You were glad that you weren’t even halfway into the feeding before he arrived, enjoying how happy he was to do honours.

The small space between the two of you grew little by little before there was none. Shoulder to shoulder before the two of you practically stayed glued to one another, watching over the ecosystem and pointing at almost anything and everything that was remotely happening in the tank. None of you were even sure when Jeff had his arms wrapped around you after they were all well-fed, but what both of you did know was that you stayed in each other’s arms for a long time.

a/n: they are so fucking cute together that I hate them.

a/n ii: don't let this puppy dog-eyed man fool you. you know damn well he's a freak in bed. we've seen it ;; gorgeous rose divider by @firefly-graphics ♡

#— reve's reverie 🌹#— reve's asks 🌹#jeff sadecki #jeff sadecki x reader #jeff sadecki x f!reader #jeff sadecki x female reader #jeff sadecki x you #warren kole #warren kole x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x f!reader #yellowjackets x you

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tieronecrush · 10 months

Text

the lakes

joel miller x reader

rating: M

word count: 1.9k

summary:

take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die / i don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you / those windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry / i'm setting off, but not without my muse

warnings: nudity, skinny dipping, talk about grief, death, family tension, self-doubt, self-deprecation, idk man it’s just sad

a/n: my first song for the folklore anthology!! can’t wait to share others & read all the other great works from my pals <3

The sounds of birds chirping surround you in echoes across the valley, mountainous hills convexing in front of you and dotted with evergreens. Underneath you is sun-warmed sand, interspersed with smoothed rocks from rushing water shaping them over hundreds or thousands of years. The fresh, gentle waves of the lake lick against your bare feet, knees bent up as you sit at the shore, eyes trained ahead on the glassy surface reflecting the late summer sky above. Joel is sitting next to you in the same position, his hands joined together in a circle and forearms resting on his kneecaps.

It’d been a quiet hike to the spot you discovered while on patrol. Lately, Joel has been his own worst enemy — closed off to you, stewing in his thoughts about his strained relationship with Ellie and continuing to adjust to life in Jackson, a world so slow and still that he can’t seem to find a place he fits in after moving for so long. His inertia hasn’t caught up to his lifestyle change; he is constantly picking up patrol shifts, and volunteering to oversee new construction and renovations across the town, but even through his go go go, he can’t find a place to land.

This place was the perfect spot to take him; to abate the anxious energy that vibrates throughout him every day with the halcyon elements of nature. Animals that live their lives with no concept of time, a lesson in living in the present, trees that have been around for hundreds of years, solid and strong like the man himself, and the lake. The lake that provides for everything growing around it, that reflects beauty in sunrises and sunsets, that finds itself full no matter any barriers built in its feeding river, replenished by other means from rain to groundwater.

The silence between the two of you breaks for the first time in hours.

“You know what I first thought of you when I met you?” you question him, eyes trained forward on the view. Joel offers a soft grunt in response, hinting for you to continue.

“I thought: Wow, this guy is an asshole,” he scoffs with the hint of a smirk, shaking his head while your own grin plays at your lips, “But then, I got to know you. Forced proximity really tells you a lot about a person. And I very quickly learned how much you care. This world should have jaded you, should have broken you to the bone with what you have been through, but yet, you still find means to nurture. You protect, and you provide. You love so deeply, so incredibly much. Every day I wake up next to you, I thank the lucky stars that I have Joel Miller in my corner. By my side. Watching my back.”

“I know you are feeling something, thinking about something in that head of yours all the time. And I want you to know that I love you as deeply, that I care as much for you as you do for everyone in your life. You can share with me, whatever you feel like sharing.”

Joel is quiet, squinting in the sun as he tosses a round pebble from the sand between his legs into the shallow waters. The ripple appears and dissipates before he speaks.

“That sounded like a eulogy, darlin’.”

You scoff now, that same type of soft smirk that he held minutes before pulling the corners of your mouth up.

“Is that all you took from all of what I said?”

“No, ‘course not. Just, I don’t know, felt like I was listening to what you would say about me after I’m gone.” At that you turn towards him, hand wrapping around his nearest forearm and squeezing with even, steady pressure that says ‘We are not talking about that, I can’t talk about that.’

“I do wanna share with you, I just—I don’t know how. I’ve kept all this inside, locked down in my chest. Anger, temper, violence, even, as armor to keep me alive. Don’t ever think I’ve been very nurturing since, well, since…” His throat chokes up, head drops to stare at the ground. Another squeeze to his arm, this time to say ‘It’s okay. I know. You don’t have to say if you don’t want to.’

Something that he said sticks out in your head, a means to attempt to combat his walls going up again now that they have crumbled slightly. You stand, glancing around out of habit before you pull your shirt over your head, your jeans following with your undergarments in their wake. Joel looks up, expression puzzled as he watches your naked form wade into the water. You hiss as the still-icy water engulfs you from the shoulders down, treading and turning back to your man on the shore. A gentle smile covers your face, beckoning him in with one nod of your head.

He follows suit with stripping down, clothes mixing in a pile with yours as they do on the floor of your bedroom. His own pained expression from the cold lake makes you giggle quietly, a scolding stare aimed your way. He paddles over to you smoothly, the water hitting his chest where he can continue to touch with his feet at the bottom. Your arms slither around his neck, wet fingers carding through the hair at the back of his head. The leverage against him is used to tug you closer, his large palms settling at your waist under the surface while the two of you bathe in the fresh Adam’s ale of these cliffside pools. Two pairs of eyes communicate without words, the soundtrack of the birds and rustling trees occupying the dead air until you speak again, hushed despite the fact that you are the only humans for miles.

“You can take your armor off around me.”

Joel’s eyes flutter closed, a long sigh exhaled as his hands grip your curves tighter. When his burnt chestnut and amber irises are revealed again, he speaks in the same reserved volume that you had.

“I don’t belong there. In Jackson.”

Silence gently urges him to carry on.

“What I’ve done, to strangers, to myself, to Tess, to you, to Tommy, to Ellie…I don’t deserve any chance at life. With what I have taken from others, I don’t deserve to be given anything. Kindness, respect, care, love. From anyone.”

“I’ve been selfish this whole twenty years. I almost left Tommy alone. I dragged us up north to Boston. I got Tess into smuggling. I kept Ellie at a distance for so long because I couldn’t bear to feel that kind of responsibility, that familial tie. And then I chose for her, in that hospital. I couldn’t lose another kid.”

“It—it feels like I should be over the past, over what I have done now that I have a chance at a fresh start, or as close to a fresh start as I could possibly have here in Jackson. I have a shot to build a life with you, to work for Ellie’s forgiveness, to be an uncle to Maria and Tommy’s baby. But what has been chasing me — what has been over — it feels like it’s burrowed under my skin. And all I can feel when I start to forget is these—these heartstopping waves of hurt.”

“And I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to forget when my body, my mind, my soul won’t let me.”

Across his cheeks, salty tears have carved rivers, the dampness still in his eyes shining in the midday sunlight. The water sounds as if it’s rushing in your ear, your pulse racing as you attempt to process his confession. His head has bowed in a prayer position, awaiting your means to reconciliation or absolution.

Hands settled on his broad shoulders, another communicative squeeze, this one to say ‘I don’t know either. But I know how to try.’

“You let your people heal you,” Joel’s eyes meet yours, drops cascading from the damp bits of hair hanging over his forehead, attention completely and utterly on you, “Time can’t fix everything. The past can hold us in its grip even with all the time in the world. But people can help you forget. They can help to lessen the pain in your body until it’s merely a pinch. Their love can pull you up when you fall. Their care can nurture your soul to grow resilient again. Their reassurance can teach your mind to hear those sordid thoughts you have but pay them no attention.”

“I want to do this for you, Joel. I want to help you. To care for you. To love you, completely. Your people want to do it for you. And if you can learn from experience, you can do it for Ellie…” Your hands move from his shoulder, skating across his glistening skin and wrapping around the sides of his neck, thumbs resting against his jaw.

“You made choices you had to. Including for Ellie. She was — she is a child. Your kid, if not by blood. She may not understand now, but I know she will find a means to forgive you, or at least understand you.”

“Maybe when she’s older, if she has a kid of her own, she’ll understand.”

Joel’s mouth quips to one side with a faint smile, tears drying on his cheeks as he thinks of the image.

“Reckon we’d be pretty fun, well, sorta grandparents.”

“I think so, too,” you speak with a grin stretched and thumbs brushing back and forth at his jaw, “I can’t wait to grow old with you. To sit on the porch and watch you still yell across the street to your brother for full conversations instead of the two getting off of your asses —”

“Watch it, darlin’,” he warns playfully.

“Hey, it’s true. I listen to it nearly every day. Now, back to what I was imagining, cowboy.”

He nods for you to continue, a full-blown smile on his face.

“We’ll have Ellie over weekly dinners, and whoever else makes up her family. You’ll play me guitar and sing whenever I ask ‘cause you love me so much. I’ll help to heal you, and we will be happy together. We will take our second chance. And you will enjoy your time with your family. And me, hopefully.”

“Definitely with you. My beautiful girl,” his own hand leaves the water, wetting your hair as he brushes it out of your face with tender eyes, “You’re like—like a red rose that’s grown out of my ice-frozen ground. I am so lucky to have you. That you chose me, and continue to choose me every damn day. My grief sometimes feels insurmountable; like I am going to be stuck here forever with no way out of that feeling. But if I get stuck here, with you in my arms and all my people around me, I’d be fine if I simply grow old and wither away back into the earth.”

“I love you, darlin’. So much it might just end in tragedy, that my heart might just explode from lookin’ at you one day. But I do love you.”

A gentle kiss is shared between the two of you, the bitter water combined with your torrid love stirring up a tornado of tingling nerves.

You pull away, only enough to get the words out that you have told him, Joel, your man, every day and will continue to tell him every day you have him, “I love you.”

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#joel #writing #folklore anthology #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader

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warmerstranger · 11 months

Text

SAPPY AND THUMPING HEARTBEAT!

ft. (separate) Mayoi Ayase, Midori Takamine, Tsumugi Aoba.

This took me ar.4 days while studying their character, sorry if they're not still exactly on point wee ;( not beta read.

°°``summary: they like you but doesn't take things further when you suddenly become their very drive to a new point of relationship.

°°``Marked as and included with: fluff, angsty kind of, Mayoi being a silly creeper guy.., stalking implied but not extreme, self-deprecating humor... Just a few heads up, nothing too much ^^ also, I'm thinking the timeline for this is in !!/Music era

Mayoi Ayase

The one who takes things slow like baby steps while feeling that he doesn't deserve you. At the beginning, insistently asking if you maybe want to reconsider and apologizing because he have become your very wrong choice. Even though he was just pleased watching out for you from afar like the secret admirer he is... But, please don't misunderstand, he's actually has been dreaming this moment! He just can't help it that he still always have thoughts of your breakup in various worst case scenarios and he every so often compulsively expresses it. Holding onto your trust in him, he's slowly learning and working to be the best boyfriend so the chances of you leaving him is decreased.

Dating with Mayoi involves...

➻❥ Lots of understanding and reassurance coming from either both of you. He can easily pick up on your social cues, thus knowing instantly what would make you uncomfortable (even if he sometimes misunderstands thinking he's the source of it) and handle the situation well in a way your worries will be left scurrying off♪ so, please go easy on him whenever he makes any mistakes and goes on apologizing while belittling himself profusely about it.

➻❥ Acts of service. Even without you telling him, he can be unexpectedly a gentleman, shown through little gestures that would make him sound as if he's lesser than you although he means well. You wouldn't need to open a door by yourself and dirtying your hand with the unknown doorknob that have been in many people's hands so let him be the sacrifice since he's already not that 'clean' himself. Wiping your sweat off your face? Leave it to him, it's always been a dream to have a close up on your face he could die happily. The very same guy who would also lay on the road when you have to step over a puddle please stop him

➻❥ Physical touch. Depends after he learns that you've grown comfortable enough with him. Sometimes when you merely complimenting or acknowledging his efforts, he would tear up and hug you, saying you shouldn't be so kind to him since he wouldn't be able to hold himself back from spoiling you with all of his physical affection he could muster... He swears his heart could give out yet his grin is that of the most giddy man living if you're the one who would initiate it first. Surprisingly sudden yet tender in his advances.

➻❥ Vague menacing flirts; “Times like this makes me raring to put my beating heart out on your plate I wish my ribcage is a closet easily opened by you.”

“I feel so complete being with... you, I wouldn't mind having you wear my skin if I could.”

➻❥ Vulnerable, trembling kisses that barely graze your lips before slowly securing the right position with them, placing the effect of a stillness in space and time. Mayoi would muster up the best kiss he could give and still apologize if that one kiss isn't that good to you. He's not one to refuse for more kisses if you so wish, a better result he promises.

➻❥ Messy morning and evening text of 'i love you's accompanied by little cute emoticons along with specific cautionary expressing his worry 'Please always look both way when crossing the road!' or 'Please be careful of having your phone out in the public... it might get snatchedd or worse I'm sorry'

➻❥ You braiding his hair, him pampering you by styling your hair or giving you some accessories to decorate your outfit. His gifts are mostly sparkling trinkets he found from the ES vents secret rooms, stuffed animals, and little diorama of your anniversaries with him.

➻❥ Domestic indoor type of dates at home where this man is more like personal servant sometimes waking you up and making breakfast or dinner. Occasionally on some uneventful days though, there are other times you realize that he really is still your boyfriend.

~~~

A gentle greeting hangs up in the air, not reaching your ears even as he crouches down and peeks to you from the foot of your bed. He then creeps toward the side and now watches your rythmic breathing, feeling bad for what he's about to do but reminding himself that it's for the sake of you too.

“(Name)... Wakey-wakey... I'm so sorry I have to disturb you out of your beauty sleep. I know I'm only an annoying pest but please—umm, you're not.. no, no, you have to wake up. I have prepared you breakfast...” he whispers, nervously frowning.

“Yesh... just wait.” Stirring awake, you mumble before staying silent again. Giving you a few minutes as he admires your face, he soon shakes his head fervently. “Th-this can't do... (Name), you're perfectly fine with it, then, right? I'm sorry, ple-please don't mind, you can hit me all you want or banish me later though I would rather you—In a-a-anyy case! Pardon me...”

He slithers under your sheets knowing you aren't getting up any sooner, cuddling and nuzzling to you with hopes that you would be bothered enough to wake up. Yet, Mayoi wants this moment stay for as long as it could basking in your overall blissful presence.

Chuckling to him, you reply. “Gee, that just makes me want to sleep in more.”

He beams before sitting upright while holding your hands, accompanied by a bright smile rivaling the sun. “Th-that makes me flattered, hehe maybe we can—oh, no no (Name), you can do it, just one step away and getting closer to facing this day, please.” A hopeful tone lace his rushed sentence.

“Okay, what about my morning kiss as the final push?” you ask, pointing to your cheek.

Stammerring abashedly, he closes and opens his mouth. “..I, I can't simply-! No really, I mean... I was thinking of saving it fo-for later... But, it can't be helped if it's your wish...”

With eyes tightly shut, he pecks your cheek then shuffles down from the bed. “Now, with that, please get ready soon.” he offers his hand out for you to support. “I'm all yours.”

Midori Takamine

The one who would begrudgingly goes with the flow you brought about and giving his all. Despite all the complaining of 'why does it have to be him' and 'what do you even see in him', he would've felt worse if he just refuse this very chance that might be the green sign he has been seeking for him to go forward. Midori starts feeling more at ease going out with you, while keeping his doubts to himself about you choosing a better partner than him and feeling he may as well end this dating stuff. But that would be just a bad move to go through. Because, in the end... how can he even avoid you when you're filled with expectant hopes of him like that?

Dating with Midori involves...

☘๑ His intimidating mild discomfort and informal words with actions that speak more even as he sighs often. Things would be way less difficult liking you who weren't that interested in him before and settle with having mascot characters that's similar to you... He just can't get how you have this deep a trust leaving the rest of things or counting on him to do them. Also feels like he's high in cloud nine or something whenever he manages to lift your mood. It's a simple one, but the most satisfying achievements he have ever done in his entire life, besides pretty much being known as, well, the vegetable boy. His sighs sounds more relieved with a fond smile around you...

☘๑ Acts of service. More of from your side with his greengrocer business going on. Midori does still return the favor whenever he could and it's usually out of willingness if he offers. A bit different story if you're the one who ask him first because he might just label it as a pain but you can help yourself just fine which means borrowing him as he won't refuse lending you a hand.

☘๑ Quality time. Hanging out in his room while reading casually some comics together and commenting on tidbits of it or just simply enjoying your company is all what he needs. He's not that creative enough with supportive words or reaching out to provide some physical affections (though he won't push away your affection if you do the latter first), but he's there and will always be your pillar to lean on. Every break or day off where he could be alone with you while free from works is one of his favorites. He always try to not do some tasks around those moments since he would just get stressed out because of it and instead simply sharing his attention and efforts on you.

☘๑ Veggies. Free and the freshest only. He would give you some that reminds him of you or if he could imagine you as an herbivore animal...

☘๑ Rushed one-lip kiss and pecks because he's so not wanting to deal with his heart going crazy so he would rather make it quic. Things like this takes him a lot of energy and it's better than messing anything up anyway... Except when you're not satisfied, then he would try giving you what you want by picking up the rest from where you lead.

☘๑ Pictures sent by him taking a picture of some plush mascot key strap hanging from a random person's bag. Aside from that, casual texts from time to time asking 'where are you. if you can, dont make me search...' > (meaning so he could get to you faster).

☘๑ Insecurities intimate talk. He was and sometimes does still speak about his own misery and melancholic view, but lately because you've become a source of his consideration, he's more focused on your complaints and agreeing with whatever he relates to. Other times, he will keep silent since he doesn't want—more than anything—being your burden, thinking it would be too much for you on those particular heavy days to him. He can't bear it if you frankly get sick of him, even when he also feel at the same time, you would be better off saving your time and leave him for someone else more... better or not a loser like him. But if you aren't bothered and still wants to lend him an ear, he might express them, all the while hugging tight his favorite plush mascot character to try sparing most negativity away from you. He isn't against receiving some of your comfort, even if that would take some time for him to get used to.

☘๑ Besides indoor dates, there's a mascot character hunt type of date with an example of going to the arcade in some days off or as a celebration of his live success. Such as on one night...

~~~

The arcade isn't that rowdy this night where it could come as suffocating and it's just perfect for him. You both walk further into the section of claw machines for the stuffed animal and all kind of mascots behind the glass, waiting for the next seizer.

“So... Are we gonna start any soon now?” his eyes are already locked on a particular machine filled with vegetable mascots.

Earlier, you have challenged him into a competition where the winner who have caught the most will receive all catch from the loser.

“Yep, go crazy, we'll meet again here in an hour.” you reply, leaving him who answered an energetic 'okay' before he runs over to the machine not far away on the right side.

Not long after, he soon have gotten three of his targets finally in his hands after many determined tries. There's suddenly a surprised 'wahh' voice sounding near by his side which causes him to press the button at the wrong time and as the result, the claw misses. “Uuh... It was so close too dammit, so annoying, wanna die...” he mumbles, looking down in despair when that same voice revealed to be a little boy speaks out.

“You're great, big stranger brother! Can you please catch some for me?”

An hour later on your way to the meeting point, you catch a little boy carrying a round bag full of mascots running with a big smile from the way where you meet Midori. He's scratching his head awkwardly while holding three plushies in his left arm. “Well... This is all I got.” he sighs, gesturing to the plushies.

“Oh, I also got three, luckily... what happened though?”

He glances between the plushies you have and at the floor. “Got too carried away winning for that boy earlier, so the others were...” his gaze soon return to your face with a slightly agape mouth. “Wait... Three, does that mean it's a tie?”

You nod. “Yeah! Oh, no, wait, the catch you did before still counts too, you're practically the winner. So, here. These are cute but I had fun just playing.” Handing them out to him, he instead shakes his head and pushes them back.

“No, no, thanks, you don't need to though really... I would just feel bad. The final fair results is the one we have in our hands right now.” he then smiles, “I still had fun too, anyway. I think my inner child just healed, thinking that boy reminds me of the childhood. At least, all the mascots have found their place in each of a happy owner. That's why, I could trust them to you.” On the rest way back, you can tell from how he sounds eager telling you fun facts and the backstories of each plushies you have, that it was indeed a fun time for the both of you.

Tsumugi Aoba

Similar to Mayoi, Tsumugi would be unsure how to pick up the initiative and if he's befitting of a love life. That's why, as long as he can help you from time to time and indulging in the warm feelings from seeing you happy is already a lot enough than what he could ask. More so, he feels responsible, mixed with bitter guilt that you have decided to choose him of all people... But he will try not to disappoint you and does his best, though in that aspect he somehow still acts like a friend with benefits most of the time, who doesn't seem to be treating you any different than others. That's until you find his acts are more apparent in multiplied forms and earnest expressions like your treatment is the result of being placed at the top of his world.

Dating with Tsumugi involves...

❁♡‧₊˚ His inviting aura that lets you reach out to him easily for anything you might need or if you're encountering some difficulties, even when he's in the middle of doing something, it's important to hear you out no matter what it is and think about how he can help. Unless there's some urgent work needing his attention firstmost, he would apologize with a disappointed frown, offering to plan another time between the tight schedule where he can aid you completely so he would really appreciate your patience. He would make it up to you, and he does, more than what you expect even. It feels like he has such motherly vibes, because he could be bringing the drinks you want along with some refreshments too for the discussions. You don't even realize a small torn part on your jacket until Tsumugi tells you and offers to sew it, he doesn't mind because he could show off his ability.

❁♡‧₊˚ Words of affirmation flows smoothly from him the second you seem troubled or depressed until your thoughts can be tidied and held under your capability of control again that it's easy to feel reassured. Although, it would be a lot harder were you the one to give such words because he would deflect almost any with an appreciative smile and expression about him who is undeserving of them. He'd rather you share such kind things to others who may need it more or it could serve as a good reminder worth keeping to yourself.

❁♡‧₊˚ Acts of service, naturally. You have his full attention, always compassionate in assisting you. Furthermore, his assistance is accompanied by a relaxed chat with you. He can even manage the tasks you have to be processed in order, becoming less overwhelming and tying them with how you do things so you can do them without difficulty. Do use him to your heart's content~ it makes him happy if you especially depend on him, no trouble at all. If you're the one who try to help him, he wouldn't let you do so if he can, he's supposed to be the dependable one after all... Eventually he caves in and feels motivated to finish his work faster, though.

❁♡‧₊˚ Talk for long hours, like any topic, any reminiscing, will keep you chatting on and on with him because they just give you many thoughts to think about and experience in a useful way. Those topics would time to time include him mentioning the past with a cheery tone, yet concealing the heavy implications within... But, you don't need to think too deeply about it. Besides, he's okay, and still thinking about the future in a hopeful manner, too. It's just like any other day and have the similar tone to one would speak about the weather today.

❁♡‧₊˚ Occasionally, you would receive lucky charms and your lucky item for the day from him when the morning is about to start. He would also offer to do a reading on your fortune with the intentions of helping you get ready facing the day ahead. Even if you don't believe in any spiritual part of them, he would like it if you keep the charms or item for him. So his feelings for you could stay safe in your hands everywhere you go and whenever you take a look at them, you would be reminded of him♪ that's what he would like to think, at least... He's also fine of throwing them away and not giving them to you again, he can find another way that would make you more pleased.

❁♡‧₊˚ Forehead kisses, soft and not too impudent for him to do. He's saving the deep kind on the lips for a better day and event such as birthdays or celebrations when he could feel like he's worthy of them. He would let you give those kisses as many as you like, but he wouldn't return them back, unless it's the time.

❁♡‧₊˚ A bouquet of flowers on every and each date with different color and type to commemorate the particular events on that day, on that note he would explain the message they symbolize if you like :) They're good as a build-up for the atmosphere, too. Even so, please excuse him being a little bit dense in the wrong moment sometimes. He can focus too much on making you happy it's almost like everything is about you rather than as a date of you and him; going any places you want to go, treating you to the food, bringing you drinks...

❁♡‧₊˚ Library and bookstore dates are his go-to usually. Even if books were not your interest, his presence already does much to make the experience fun and rewarding. Besides that, he likes visiting few diners with their special steamed red sweet buns which are his favorite. The moment he mentioned it with such a happy satisfied smile, you realize it would be good to buy him some especially on this late night in the library.

~~~

Already covered by his own blanket, he was slowly dozing off at the second you call his name out. “EEP—sorry I'm not... Oh, (name), it's only you. Your voice sounded so soft I thought a ghost was whispering to me, you see.” he smiles sheepishly. “Is there anything you need? You should go to sleep soon... though I'm not the right person to be saying this, huh, ahaha.”

Putting a tea on the long table, you then give him a wrapped box which he accepts. “Enjoy them while it's hot, let me handle your work.”

“Is this...” he leans his head closer to the box, eyes widening in realization of a faint smell wafting from the box. “Ah, I know this smell anywhere! Thank you, (name). For the tea and the buns. But I didn't do any work, it's only a few lesson plans needing to be reviewed. I'm almost done with them. I have troubled you enough...” The still closed box is laid down on his lap.

“Yeah, right, your eyes are almost done sleeping there too. Let me handle them if they're only few left.” you take a seat from his side.

“I have a much better idea, how about we eat this buns together? I don't think I would be able to keep myself awake if I'm left alone while you're focusing on them.” He moves the box up on the table, closing the distance between you and him while he wraps the blanket around you. “There we go. Today was really exhausting, but I managed to finish all the works. Well, except that one. Fufu, what reason do you have for staying up late?”

“..nothing much, just worried about you.”

He takes a bite from one of the buns, humming delightfully. “How thoughtful of you like always. I'm glad to be the one who occupy your mind at this time, thought I can't say I like the thought of worrying you.” Finishing a piece, he then leans on your shoulder. “I can still get some sleep and, I will be revitalized enough now that you're here. Tomorrow too, with the warmth and care you provide me, I can try working harder again as usual. I don't think I could ever repay you back even with this insignificant love I have compared to the dearest you. But, I hope you can still accept my best everything of efforts for your happiness...”

#enstars headcanons #enstars x reader #ensemble stars x reader #tsumugi aoba x reader #mayoi ayase x reader #midori takamine x reader #ensemble stars headcanons #ensemble stars x you #enstars fluff #enstars x you

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feverdreamsanddelusions · 4 months

Text

inspo by @whumpitlikeyoumeanit

[tw self-harm, self-deprecation, past trauma, implied past captivity, lashing out, anger as a trauma response, rocky recovery, argument between friends]

"This is so stupid," Whumpee muttered. "So fucking stupid. What the fuck is going on with this?"

"Whumpee, it's normal." Caretaker tried to take them by the hands to stop them from picking at their scars, but Whumpee flinched away before they could have. "Hey, it's okay. It's alright."

"It's not! It's so fucking itchy! Like– twice a year it'll get fucking itchy like it's brand new, for, for no reason! It's so annoying!" Whumpee kept scratching it until it hurt, feeling ridiculous that this small thing was making them lash out like that. "It's healed, it's fully healed! And not only is it ugly, it's itchy."

"You're going to make yourself bleed–"

"And? What's it to you? It's my body, isn't it? That's what you always say. Whumper never said that shit. They were upfront, they said 'your body is mine to perfect and mine to ruin.'" They made Whumper sound as stupid as possible just so they wouldn't have to deal with the tears. "But you're different, right? You're telling me my body is actually mine. I can perfect it and ruin it myself, right?"

"Whumpee..."

"No, no! Don't give me that! I can do whatever the fuck I want! I can most definitely scratch a stupid itch!"

Caretaker sighed and sat back, watching with a frown as Whumpee continued to rub their skin raw. It was a matter of principle at this point, and Whumpee was prepared to push it to the limits.

"I can do whatever I want," they repeated, quieter. "My ankle was flaring up earlier too. If I had enough one day and decided to chop it off–"

"Don't say that," Caretaker cut in, increasingly more nervous.

"Oh, now I can't even say shit. I can't do anything, I can't say anything. So much for autonomy. So much for–"

"Whumpee, don't... you're being ridiculous."

"Sure," they spat. "I'm being ridiculous."

"I don't mean that in a– look, I just... I want you to take a deep breath, okay? And just calm down a little. Clearly, you're not having a good day–"

"Yeah, I'm completely unfit to make decisions for myself. Because it's a bad day, and I'm fucking stupid."

Caretaker slammed their hand down on the table in frustration, and Whumpee finally stopped messing with their scars. Their eyes snapped up to their friend, fearful and shocked. They shouldn't have been shocked. They'd wanted to instigate, and now here was the fruit of their labour.

"Stop putting words in my mouth," Caretaker said as calmly as possible. "Yeah?" Whumpee nodded a little, still stiff as a board. "I'm sorry for banging on the table."

A small part of Whumpee wanted to go further. They wanted to make another comparison between their friend and Whumper, they wanted to push it, they wanted to see just how angry Caretaker would get. A much bigger part of them wanted to slip onto their knees and grovel.

They ended up doing neither of those. They stayed seated, unable to do anything but make a nervous attempt at wiping away their tears and shaking their head to signal it wasn't a big deal.

"Fuck, Whumpee..." Caretaker stood up and circled around the table, and Whumpee tried to push them away on instinct. "Whumpee... Hey. I'm sorry." They knelt down and finally took Whumpee by the hands, wincing when their eyes landed on the patch of raw skin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so upset with you. You're safe, I promise. I would never hurt you."

"I don't actually want to chop my leg off," they choked out. They had no idea why that was the first thing they wanted to address out of everything, but it felt like the most urgent matter at hand. Caretaker nodded.

"That's good news."

"I'm not fucking dumb."

"I know you're not. I know."

"You keep treating me like I– I can't even joke about it, or get angry, or– I... I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't... it's... I shouldn't get angry with you. I shouldn't be saying these things."

Caretaker squeezed their hands a little. "I can't really... deny that sometimes it gets scary when you joke about it. Especially when it doesn't sound like a joke, or when you're... already upset and in a bad headspace."

"But I wouldn't do it!" they snapped, then immediately shrank back and murmured an apology.

"I can't read your mind. I just can't. And I know you're more than capable of hurting yourself." They sighed. "Listen... Bodily autonomy, and, and your right to– to hurt yourself if you want to... I... I don't know how to explain..."

"I'll never actually have autonomy."

"Please don't do this. Please don't ask this of me. To– to prove that I mean it by letting you hurt yourself. That's fucked up. Surely, you realise that's fucked up."

Whumpee didn't say a word. Of course they knew. But they felt like a dumb kid, trying to find out where the limits of their freedom were by constantly pushing back against their parents' rules.

"I want you to be safe. Ultimately, I can't stop you from... from doing anything, really. I can't stop you from hurting yourself, not if you really want to. But– but it's not about stripping you of your bodily autonomy. It's about... me, as your friend, wanting you to be safe and healthy. That's all. And it sucks so fucking much that you treat it like I'm– like I'm forcing horrible stuff on you, when I've never done that."

"I know," Whumpee whispered. "I'm sorry."

"It's not about apologies, okay? I know you're in a very tough spot. I know it's difficult. I just want to... I'm trying to explain my reasoning. I want you to understand where I'm coming from, since..."

"Since I'm so fucked in the head."

"Please, stop putting words in my mouth. Whumpee, I'd never think any of these things about you. Please, stop."

Whumpee wanted to curl up and die. They couldn't shut up about it. They couldn't stop putting words in everyone's mouths. All their brain did day after day was supply them with endless amounts of negativity their friends must've been thinking, even if logically, they knew it probably wasn't true. "I'm sorry," they repeated.

Caretaker let go of their hands and placed their own on Whumpee's knees instead. "I want nothing but for you to be happy and healthy. That's all I ever want. And this might sound rude as hell, but when you ask me to let you chop your leg off, it feels like you're a kid asking to eat two tonnes of candy and stay up for three nights in a row. I can't in good conscience agree to that. I know it's a bad idea."

Was that how people perceived them? Like a child, throwing a temper tantrum? They could feel themself checking out entirely, their mind refusing to grapple with all the things that had been said. I told you I didn't actually want to chop my leg off. "Okay."

"Okay?" Caretaker gave them a look of cautious and reluctant hope. "You understand where I'm coming from?"

"Yeah."

"Are you just agreeing because you're overwhelmed?" Whumpee hesitated, and it was enough to make Caretaker's hope shatter. "Well..."

"No! No, that's not... You didn't even let me answer!"

"I guess I didn't. Sorry. I just... I know when you're about to lie about stuff like this." They sighed and stood up. "Whumpee, I love you more than anyone in this world, okay? I hate to make you feel overwhelmed. Or like you have to agree with me. Why don't I get some cotton pads to clean that wound, and then we'll take a break from this conversation?"

The argumentative brat in them wanted to say no just for the sake of it. But they felt so exhausted all of a sudden, they just couldn't. They ended up nodding their agreement wordlessly, and then they sat in silence the whole time Caretaker was tending to them, letting their mind drift.

This was all so stupid. As they looked down at their many scars, they wondered whether they could even chop off a limb on their own. Had they been joking when they said it? Or were they actually considering it?

It didn't matter. As angry as Whumpee had been about restrictions just a couple minutes ago, they were quickly realising they at least made these thoughts kind of meaningless. It didn't matter whether they had it in them, because Caretaker said they weren't allowed do to it anyway.

"All done," Caretaker said all too soon. "Do you want me to leave you alone for a bit? Or do you want me to sit with you?"

"Sit with me," Whumpee said without thinking. The request sparked that sliver of hope in their friend's eyes again as they nodded and walked back to their own chair.

"No talking?" Whumpee shook their head. "Alright. No talking."

#whump #whump drabble #self-harm #self-deprecation #past trauma #implied past captivity #lashing out #anger as a trauma response #rocky recovery #recovery fic #res writes

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lokisprettygirl · 11 months

Text

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 24 here //Series Masterlist

Chapter 25

Summary : Your lives turns upside down again when it's revealed why you were never supposed to meet Loki in this timeline.

Warning: 18+, HUGE Canon divergence(Just me making shit up) This is a long chapter, 6k words, Gets very sad, mention of stalking, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, ptsd, self deprecating behaviour, panic attack, soft precious bean loki,

"Carbon monoxide poisoning symptoms" you typed the term in your phone to see if hallucinations were one of the symptoms but it wasn't the case. "Schizophrenia symptoms" as you mumbled in your mouth you heard Stephen- no wait, a weird looking Stephen in a costume clearing his throat so you looked at him. He wasn't real, the other Loki wasn't real either, none of this was happening and you were just sick or something.

"You are a neurosurgeon right? Hallucinations are the symptom of Schizophrenia huh?" You asked him so he rolled his eyes, you were sitting on the sofa while those two were standing in front of the tv.

"I cannot believe this, why is she annoying in every fucking universe? Every bloody timeline she's the same" you gasped as Stephen said that.

"Mind your language that is my wife you are addressing such audaciously"

"This one is not your wife, and I'm talking about my ex wife"

"Ex for a reason, you will show her respect from this moment onwards you hear me?" Other Loki raised his voice so weird as fuck Strange groaned and then they both looked at you, you had called Loki, your Loki, but his number was unavailable, you sent him a message and you were hoping he'd be there as soon as possible.

"Did you say wife?" You asked Other Loki so he sighed.

"Well.." he walked towards you so you crouched against the sofa and that immediately made him halt in his step.

"Don't be afraid my dear, I will never hurt you" his brows furrowed and the gesture immediately made you feel calm but then you started to cry because you felt absolutely crazy. What was all of this about? What was happening?

"Please don't cry, i know I am.." he sighed and took a deep breath so you looked at him "I am not the Loki you love, and my y/n she is ..at home waiting for me and I need to return to her as soon as I can, she worries so much" his voice sounded sincere, he seemed just like your Loki but how was that even possible? His y/n? Who was she?

"I just feel that I'm going crazy, what is happening?" You sniffled again so he sat down on the sofa but he was careful to maintain a respectable distance.

"You are not crazy, I know this seems as if you're losing your mind but trust me y/n this is all real" he said softly

"Who are you guys?" You glared at both of them.

"I am Loki, this is Doctor Stephen Strange, we came here from another timeline for a crucial discussion" he told you so you tried to process his words. Loki wasn't wrong, those dreams weren't just dreams afterall.

"Another timeline?" Your eyes widened at the revelation,

"Yes, there are multiple universes y/n" you rubbed your head with your forefingers as you tried to process what did this even mean for you and Loki? Why were they here?

"You said you are here for a discussion? What discussion? And why on earth he's dressed that way?" Stephen rolled his eyes as you glared at him again.

"Where is your Loki?" Stephen asked you

"He's on a mission"

"Mission?" Other Loki questioned, his voice sounded curious,

"He's an Avenger "

Other Loki chuckled as you said that.

"They really did make me an Avenger?" you nodded and you noticed his eyes softening.

"Are you guys from other universe or something, Loki said something about other realities and i didn't believe him" you mumbled nervously.

"Yes, actually no, but it is an exceptionally complicated matter"

When Loki found your message he immediately asked Thor to drop him to your apartment. You ran into his arms as soon as he came, but unlike you he didn't seem as shocked with their presence. At first he thought they were Thano's mules but when they revealed the same thing they told you he had an inkling, he knew those dreams were not just coincidences.

"What is happening lo?" He kissed your forehead and hugged you again as you asked him that.

"I don't know darling but let us find that alright?" You nodded as he said that.

He looked at his own reflection as his eyes met with Other Loki.

"What happened to us?" Other Loki smiled and looked down as your Loki questioned him. He sighed and looked at Stephen before he spoke again.

"Well in my timeline we never picked the tesseract, never ended up in here like you did"

"They took me to asgard, what happened to me there?"

"I am afraid I cannot divulge any more information than that"

"Then why are you both here?" Loki asked him.

"You all are wasting my precious time"

All of you glared at Strange collectively as he said that

"Did I really marry you?" You crossed your arms as you questioned him.

"Unfortunately yes, we both made some awfully wrong decisions "

"I don't understand our first meeting was horrible..I was late, you were so rude to me"

"Not in my timeline..you were never late in my timeline, why were you late in this one? What were you doing? Do you remember?" Ofcourse you remembered, you were talking to Loki and had lost the track of time. Oh god.

Your eyes widened at the realisation.

"Ohh God I was late because I was talking to you" you looked at Loki and his eyes teared up.

"Exactly and you two weren't together at the time, hadn't even met, so you were never late for the meeting. It wasn't anything special but it wasn't a disaster either and you agreed with everything I had to say about the battle of New York and Loki" Stephen said so you looked at your Loki.

"You hated me, in our timeline when you met Strange you had no reason to defend me because you didn't even know me at the time because we hadn't even met yet" your eyes teared up as Other loki said that.

"Then you got into the accident and I had to take care of you and then you were stalked by that Ronald guy..the friendship between us grew and that led to a forced loveless marriage" Strange said and all of a sudden it made sense, you had no hope of finding true love so you must have compromised or succumbed to the pressure of your mother.

"Ofcourse it was loveless..how did you become this?" You gestured towards his attire.

"I can not tell you anything more then you need to know"

"Why are you two here then?" Loki asked them both so they looked at each other.

"To warn you of the danger that is ahead of us" Stephen said

"Thanos?" Loki asked

"No apparently as I have come to learn he will die a brutal death and his blood will be on our hands. He's no threat to us in my timeline, someone much more diabolical will emerge, much more powerful than Thanos or any other entity" Other Loki responded.

"Someone more powerful than Thanos?" Loki looked at him confused.

"Yes"

"Who is that??" You asked him

"You"

Your eyes widened as other Loki said that, at first you thought he meant you but he was looking behind you, he was looking at Loki.

"What do you mean?" You asked him.

"In this timeline you and the Avengers sure defeated the army of Thanos but it came with a huge sacrifice, they took her and she sacrificed her life for you" Stephen answered instead,

"Nooo–" Loki whispered as he took a step back so you grabbed onto his arms. He can't even imagine losing you, he had vowed to protect you.

"That is true," Other loki whispered.

"Her demise drove you to the ruins, the long pointless life felt like a curse and you knew you won't survive without her and without her by your side no one was there to bring you back from the edge of the insanity" you looked at Loki and for some reason he didn't seem surprised by the revelation.

"What did i do then?" His eyes remained firm as he asked that.

"You threw yourself into the art of dark magic and you summoned the goddess of death, she granted you a wish, she told you that she will resurrect the one person you so badly needed to be alive again but she needed several sacrifices" Other Loki said to him.

"Sacrifices?"

"In order to bring your y/n back to life she needed the souls of every variant of her that exists in every other universe out there"

Stephen said and you shook your head at the revelation. No he would never hurt you, not in any universe, that wasn't possible.

"You will kill my y/n" Other Loki's voice trembled as he spoke

"I would never do that, i would never hurt her" Loki's voice choked on his tears as he spoke,

"But you did, you killed all those other variants of her from multiple universes that exists and you got them all Loki because nobody could defeat you, not one single entity in the universe held powers that excelled or even matched yours.. every time you killed one of her variant and her Lokis who were there to defend her, their powers were absorbed within you and that only made you stronger. When Frigga our mother, tried to stop this madness you killed her first, then you killed Odin and then our brother Thor, and anyone who came in between you and your quest to resurrect your y/n, you got rid of them all with no qualms or remorse. Everytime you hurt someone you lost a fraction of your soul Loki"

"Did I find her again? Did I find my y/n?" Loki asked Other Loki and you felt his hand in yours

"Yes you did find her again but when she realised what you had done to get her back she couldn't live with that truth, she left the man she loved the most, she died for you but she came back to a monster that she knew she'll never able to love again, a monster she didn't even recognise"

"He'd never do that, he'd never hurt anyone like that..he'd not kill innocent people just to get me back " you defended him because you couldn't believe your Loki was capable of such monstrosity.

"I will" you looked at him shocked as he said that "I have known madness y/n and i have lived it, you're the only one to bring a semblance of normalcy in my life, losing you would kill me and I am afraid I'll die the day you will"

"Nooo loki..no" you hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around yours. The Other Loki stepped closer to you both, it was strange for him to be able to see his other self this way.

He really did love you madly in every universe.

"Is there a way to prevent her death?" Your Loki asked Doctor Strange. You both just wanted to get things back to how they were. You just wanted to love him and be loved by him. Why had your life turned upside down again?

"No, your presence is an anomaly Loki, that is why I am here, you weren't supposed to exist, your future self is standing right in front of you" Loki looked at his Other self and the other one nodded..

"That's how it was meant to happen but by choosing to pick the tesseract you have caused a diversion in the timeline, this other Loki is you, he's not from other universe, he's from your earth, he is you Loki" You looked at them shocked as Stephen revealed that. The Other Loki wasn't from other universe he was the Loki you had seen in your dreams once.

"So what does that mean? Are you telling me the lives we have been living here, none of this was ever meant to exist?" You asked Stephen, your heartbeat sped at the thought of having this life being taken away from you.

"None of this was meant to happen, it's a diversion that will cause the multiversal war and you know who is going to impose that war? You. This version of you, saddened by the unbearable grief you will lose your way again Loki, there will be no redemption this time"

"Go away, both of you, this discussion is over" Loki glared at both of them so the Other Loki walked towards you.

"Y/n i know it's going to be difficult but we will be together someday, i already have you in the future but for us to live together forever this timeline will have to be erased"

"Nooo you're not my Loki..he is"

"I am..we are the same darling" your eyes teared up as he said that.

"What does this even mean for us?" Loki asked Stephen.

"There's a ritual to fix the timeline, Loki will have to return to Asgard the way it was intended for him"

"No no noooo" you collapsed on your knees as strange said that so your loki immediately went down on his knees and hugged you tightly. This life felt too good to be true, now you knew why. It wasn't even real, it wasn't supposed to happen. Just when you had begun to love the life you were given, it was going to be taken away from you.

"There must be another way" Loki said, his eyes brimming with hope that you knew will never come.

"No there's not Loki, there's no other way" Stephen answered

"This is our life now and I'm not willing to throw it away and why should I even believe you, maybe you both are just lying to us for your own selfish gains"

Other Loki sighed as Loki said that.

"Frustrating isn't it?" Stephen scoffed at Loki's stubbornness.

"What about the past, we met at the fair, where are those two?" You asked them

"That never happened y/n because you were always destined to meet me at that party..the meeting at the fair was never supposed to happen and this few months that you have spent with each other were definitely never meant for us, it's merely a diversion"

"But I can't let go, so many memories and we love each other so much" you cried out and Loki was barely holding onto his own tears.

"We do and we will love each other more than anything" Other Loki said but you clutched onto yours as tightly as you could.

You cried, he cried and it never seemed to cease, you weren't ready to let go of this life, you weren't ready to accept that this was never meant to be yours. You knew you both had to make a decision, a cruel decision, a huge sacrifice just so your other selves will be safe from your Loki but you didn't think you'd ever be ready to let go of the love you have shared with him in the past few months. When the headache set in and the tears stopped coming you got up and went to the kitchen to make tea for everyone.

"So will we really get married in the future?" You asked the Other loki as he had followed you in the kitchen but you had your eyes on your own sweet baby who was discussing something with Stephen Strange. He wanted to know everything before the ritual tomorrow.

"In six months of meeting each other" your eyes flickered as he said that.

"How did that happen, in our timeline we have broken up twice already"

"Hmmm that must have been heartbreaking darling" you looked at him as he used the petname.

"It was"

"Well i can not tell you what will happen to us in the future, though the ritual will erase everything that has happened in this timeline, it's still a risk to divulge that information"

"You have no idea how hard it is..look at him, you have no idea how cruel it is for you two to ask us to give this all up" you but on your cheek to stop yourself from crying again but just the thought of what you two had to do was enough to break you.

"I do, i absolutely understand what you are going through, you want to know why?" He asked you as you wiped your tears.

"Because I'm giving up my memories too, it won't happen the same way that it did before, maybe things will change, I'm risking it all for us because I cannot sit idly by and wait for our eternal doom, I can't lose you forever, this way at least there will always be hope for us and deep down i know that i will find you sweet y/n, I will always find you, we will find each other i promise"

Your eyes teared up as he said that.

He was your loki. He was the same man you were in love with, just a few years older and perhaps wiser.

"Ummm am I the same as your y/n ?"

"Mmm yes but mine is very naughty"

"You have no idea how naughty I am"

"Trust me I do" you smiled as he said that. He grabbed the two tea cups as you both stepped out of the kitchenette.

"Does Frigga hates me in the future as well?" You asked the Other Loki and Loki looked at his other self as well for an answer. His eyes were teary and you didn't understand why.

"She never hated you y/n, she just knew the reality of your existence, she just wanted to seperate you both for the greater good" Stephen answered you.

"Ohhhh"

"How's the relationship between us and Thor?" Loki questioned his other self.

"It's not the worst"

"So that's it, you'll do some magic stuff and both of us will go back to our shitty lives where we didn't know each other?" You scoffed and crossed your arms together as you glared at Stephen.

"It does seem horrifying when you put it that way"

"I need to know more about the multiverse" Loki asked Stephen.

"Nothing to know really, there are multiple universes that is similar to ours"

"So in every universe there's a Loki and y/n?" You asked Stephen and Other loki answered instead.

"Yes, in one of them we meet at a grocery store" you smiled as he said that "That is cute"

"And in another one, we trick her into releasing us from a cell in the Avengers towers" Other Loki smiled as he said that.

"Ahhh y/n you are definitely lucky you're not living that version of yourself" Stephen said and it made you curious.

"Why?"

"Just count your blessings.. that's it, she has literally been through hell on earth"

"What else is out there, what versions of us?" Loki asked Stephen.

"Well there are several yous out there, you're a wrestler, a doctor, a bodyguard even-infact that is one of the few rare versions of you that is a mortal, in one universe you actually get cursed by a witch and go on doing some Phantom of the Opera shit, and oh in several of your realities you are pretty much yourself, the God Loki as you were destined to be" Stephen chuckled as he revealed the information. How was he sane after having so much of information in his head?

"But we find her everywhere, in every universe we find a version of her that is meant for us for life"

Loki looked at you as Other Loki said that "If you are worrying that we are going to lose her then it's simply just untrue, it will take much longer to find her perhaps but once we do we will never lose her again. However that will only happen if this timeline is reversed to the day when you had picked the tesseract because this life that you are living right now is going to end every one of us in every other universe" Loki nodded as Other Loki said that.

"We need some time to think" you told them so they collectively sighed again. Maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and all of this would be nothing but a nightmare, you hoped for that because you couldn't imagine a life where he never ended up in your apartment that day, you couldn't imagine not having him live with you for those two months, you couldn't bear the thought of losing your friendship that had brewed so delicately in those times.

You couldn't imagine not falling in love with him the way you did.

You also couldn't imagine losing Thor's brotherly care or Jane's friendship, you couldn't bear the thought of losing your mother's affection again or marrying Strange, that was the worst of all.

As they left, Loki picked you up and laid you down on the bed then he snuggled into you as he usually did, your fingers caressed his scalp softly and then you heard him crying, that made you cry even harder.

"Loki what are we going to do..I don't want to let go of our life here"

He cupped your cheeks and got on top of you as you said that, you felt his lips on yours as he kissed you tenderly.

"Neither do I darling but I can't live without you either and knowing that someday I will lose you to death in this life and will go on a killing rampage is something to think about isn't it?" He laid down next to you so you wrapped your arms around him.

You wanted to tell him to move on, to find someone else but then you put yourself in his shoes and realised how hard it was, just a few months and it was unbearable to stay away from him so you couldn't imagine his plight when you'd leave him after years of togetherness. He'd go insane and you won't be there to bring him back to you.

"Do you think ..do you think those other Lokis and me in different universes, do you think they love each other as much as we do?" He smiled as you said that.

"Perhaps they do, if they're anything like us, they must be madly in love with each other and I will take it away, i will ruin their paradise, I will become the monster that has always been there in me" his eyes welled up again so you kissed him again.

"You're not a monster Loki and you could never be, you're the noblest man there ever was or will be, no other man would have agreed to fix this the way you did, you deserved to be selfish this time but I know you'd never want to hurt anyone like that" he pulled you into his arms as you said that, his sweet princess always believed in him, no wonder he went crazy in this timeline and crossed all the limits just to have you back.

"Can't we just prevent me from dying here?" You asked him as you caressed his cheek with your fingers.

"If the sorcerer supreme believes that it is impossible to prevent your death then I'm inclined to believe him"

"Why?"

"He's the sole protector of time stone darling, he sees it all, every outcome, every possibility, every reality"

You both knew you had to do this, you knew this was the right thing to do but losing these memories with him was killing you, more so as you knew you won't even get a chance to grieve the loss. Because you won't even remember this time, this life will be erased in a flash as if it never existed, but you had to do this now, the longer you halt the process the more painful it will get.

You spend the night making love to him because you didn't want to waste a second of your time with him even though the time itself made no sense to you anymore, you were living a life not meant or written for you.

"Hey mom" you smiled as you called her the next morning, you had already been to the tower to meet Jane and Thor, their realities will change too. You never even thought about that but at least they won't even know or suffer the way you both were suffering and your gut told you that they will find each other as well.

"I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that I'll be okay" you mumbled but your voice choked up.

"Y/n what's going on" you noticed the worry in her voice.

"Nothing I just miss you"

"Well I'm seeing you next month" your eyes teared up more as she said that.

"Yeah.. okay mom i have to go now I'll talk to you later" when you hung up you both went to see Mrs Geller, you didn't say anything but just hugged her as tightly as you could before you came back to the apartment again and you both sat down on the couch. You had the knife he had gifted you as well as the blanket.

"I just realised that you gave me such nice gifts but i never gave you anything" you mumbled softly so he smiled,

"My princess you have given me everything..you don't even know what you have done for me" you hugged him tightly as he said that and then you cried some more.

When Strange arrived, this time Loki wasn't with him, you figured he was spending his last moments with the future you before his reality will shift again.

"Just remember, both of you will be sent to right where you were that day when Loki had picked the tesseract, there's 99.99 percent chance that none of you will remember this" you and Loki looked at each other as he said that.

"So there's a 0.1 percent chance that we will?" He asked Stephen. You knew you weren't that lucky, if you were actually that lucky none of this would have been happening in the first place.

"Even if somehow that does happen, just don't say anything to anyone" Strange warned you both.

"What will happen if we do?" You asked him.

"You can not tell anyone about this, just remember that"

"So whatever decisions we make in that timeline will be our future, am i correct? There will be no more diversions right" you said

"Yes, now don't say anything during the ritual, i wouldn't want to lose my concentration" Stephen told you so you scoffed.

"Are you an asshole in every universe?

He didn't respond but rolled his eyes instead. You kissed Loki one more time before Strange commenced the ritual and all the memories you had made with him came to the surface of your mind.

"What I'm saying is that our paths were meant to collide, perhaps you were born to become mine someday precious y/n"

"You are my only woman my darling, you're my best friend and you're the only person I see whenever I close my eyes and envision the future that is ahead of us, my only fear is that you will not be there with me and I would go to any length to prevent that from happening"

"I love you and just so you know, nothing will ever ruin our friendship, you will always be my best friend in the whole nine realms and I be yours"

"Godd i would die for you…I love you so much"

"And i will kill for you my princess"

You squeezed his hands tightly as your eyes welled up, you could just feel the memories slipping by you more and more.

"So we just, ummm, go back to being friends who kiss sometimes and do other stuff, you are going to be all mine and I..well we will be patient with each other as we figure out how we are going to deal with these problems that we have and we won't leave each other no matter what happens okay?"

"I love you Princess, I have never nor will I ever love again so deeply the way I love you"

"I can't stop obsessing over the moments we have spent with each other, I can't stop thinking that I'd never get to kiss you again and I haven't slept in a month because all I think of as soon as I hit the bed is you. I stay awake all night just wishing for you to hold me again"

"Ten years from now I don't want to look back at my life and regret losing a precious person like you, ten years down the line I still want to have you by my side"

"I want to run to you and touch you whenever I want. I want to see you smile and hear your laughter, watch you dance and kiss you until our souls are intertwined with each other. I want to snuggle with you after making love to you but I can't do any of those things if you are not even here. If you're dead because of me. I'd never ever move on from that, just the mere thought of living in a world where I can't find you and look at your precious face terrifies me to my very being"

"I love you lo, I know I do, for once in my life i know that I am in love and i love you.. so much and it scares me because I don't think I'll ever be able to fall in love again with someone who is not you, I always dreamt of a man like you and I found you, it's nothing less than a miracle for me"

"Perhaps i was searching for the heat myself, all I had to do was find you..right place at the right time"

"My love, no matter where in the world we are, eventually we will cross each other's path in one way or another and we will do so when our timing is aligned perfectly, a moment so absolute where we would be eager and desperate to fall so deeply in love with each other..just like this, you were made for me darling and I'll find you anywhere, anytime..i promise "

"I love being your friend"

"Okay..ummm so..we can be friends who kiss sometimes and they cuddle"

"And friends who don't see other people"

"If you ever find yourself trapped by the twisted paths of uncertainties, remember that you can always cut through and make a new one"

"Maybe my perception of love has been skewed because of those romantic movies but I have never felt that intense type of love in my life..like ever. Never felt the chemistry..that bubbling scorching heat

"Any man would be fortunate to have a woman like you, but you do not deserve just any other man..you deserve the noblest of them all.. perhaps the reason you haven't found one yet "

"You're very kind my lady, thank you, i won't disappoint you i promise"

"Wash your hair..you look like a pine tree"

You felt a sharp pain in your head and everything spinned around you both.

"Okay come soon, I love you pretty boy"

See you soon my beloved..never forget that I love you"

..........................

"Y/n? Y/n? Are you listening" your mom raised her voice so you placed your hand on the door in order to brace yourself. You felt dizzy. You felt nauseous and sick. You had just came back from work, you stared at your apartment door for a minute before you stepped inside.

"Yes mom I'm here" your apartment was empty, too empty.

"God that Asgardian terrorist Loki is shameless, he got no remorse, he's refusing to leave our planet" She rambled on so you hummed in response.

"Mom I just got home..I'll talk to you later okay? I am hungry so I'm going to eat" You looked at yourself in the mirror, you had a white shirt on with a blue jeans. You immediately walked towards the tv, turned it on and then you put the news channel on,

"Breaking news, The war criminal responsible for the battle of New York, the Asgardian terrorist Loki has apparently refused to return to Asgard along with his brother" The screen changed and you saw the media hoarding outside the Avengers tower. And then you saw him begging Thor to not take him back, Thor definitely seemed confused by the sudden change in his behavior, as Loki charged towards the people in the media, they all took a step back in fear.

"Please don't be afraid..I am not going to hurt anyone" the fear in his own voice made your eyes tear up.

"What the hell is wrong with you brother?" Thor grabbed Loki by the arm and you noticed tears in his eyes.

"I need to stay…i need to stay here" he mumbled over and over again, men in black suits then came forward to take him inside but he looked at all the cameras he could spot before they can drag him away.

"I remember, i remember, I need to stay please, i remember, i remember everything"

You took a few steps behind you until you hit the sofa and then you sat down.You let out a huge cry as you realised what that meant. The crying was bittersweet because you had spent the day feeling sicker then ever.

He remembered. And you felt lucky because you sure as hell remembered him.

😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Note : Pheeww this is the most difficulty I have ever had while writing a chapter. Their story is not finished yet though 👀😏💚

Also little easter eggs for the people who have read my other stories 🥹

@annoyingsweetsstranger @mcufan72 @nixymarvelkins @stupidthoughtsinwriting @fictive-sl0th @eleniblue @violethaze @anukulee @ladymischief11 @12-pm-510 @wolfsmom1 @whylokiissocute @pics-and-fanfics @daddylokisqueen @olivertwistrabbit @blog-the-lilly @prettylittlepluviophile @vanilla-daydreaming @somewiseguy @yaaamadaa-blog @dragonmurray @elthreetimes @gruftiela @thenotoriouserg @greep215 @yallgotkik @obscureenigmatic @janineb86 @sflame15-blog @nyxlaufeyson @lokidokieokie @purplekitten30 @sunnixart @nikkig496-blog @frozenhuntress67 @qardasngan @rosecentury @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @hrefna-the-raven @jennyggggrrr

#loki x female reader #loki #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #loki x reader angst #post avengers loki #canon divergent au #soft loki

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