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#i didnt get anything for myself for the holidays so
elegyofthemoon · 1 year
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eheh. i bought. the 15th anni oz plush 🤭
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 1 month
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FucksSAKE we're desperate and I'm fucking sick of begging for money so does anyone want some emergency art commissions. Like. Say a fiver for a quick sketch, maybe 10 to 15 for something with flat colour?
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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...
#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated
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pumpkabutts · 1 year
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man, holiday retail sucks
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iouinotes · 4 months
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Beautiful Boy | Alex Walter
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pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader
show: My life with the Walter Boys
warnings: mostly fluff and love confessions, but a bit of implied sexual activities
word count: 4,6k
summary: You are completely in love with your best friend. When the chance is given, you decide to finally take it and show your love.
a/n: The story will mention a review from the past, where they play truth or dare. So, I was inspired to write that scenario: match made in heaven is here!
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He's everything I ever wished for. It´s silly, thinking about it, really. My ongoing crush for him since the first time I met him all these years ago.
It was during the first day after the winter holiday. It was dark outside, very cold and rainy weather. Well, unfortunately it did not look like that in the morning, so I instantly panicked after school, because I forgot to bring my jacket. Normally one of my friends picked me up after school and drove me home, but she was sick today and I heard about her being ill, last minute.
So now I´m standing in the hallway, debating if I should better start to go to the bus station (probably getting soaked) or if I just walk to the school library, hoping that the weather cools down. I was drowning in my own thoughts, when I first heard his voice.
"Are you okay?" The second my eyes landed on him, I was gone for good. Because the boy in front of me was utterly beautiful. Handsome round face, freckles, warm brown eyes and a shy smile. One look at him and I fell in love with his beauty. Little did I know, I would soon fall head over heals for his personality or the way his voice sounds when he is making fun of me, because I believe in love at first sight. How could I not, when I have met him?
He was very caring the first time we met. Even though I was embarrassed of my situation, he made me feel comfortable. When I told him about my difficulty, he instantly helped me out. He told me, that his brother also picked him up from school every day, so it wouldnt be a problem, if I came along. Not only this sweet gesture made me speechless, it was also the way he stripped out of his jacket and gave it to me without hesitation, when we went outside and he saw that I didnt bring a jacket.
"What? No, I can´t-" I tried to argue, but one blink of his lashes, one look at his eyes, was enough to keep me occupied. "My mom would kill me, if I didnt. It´s okay, I dont mind." He really was the sweetest. His jacket kept in fact, keep me warm. And it also smelled like him, thats what made me blush in the end. I didnt know, if he noticed me looking at him from time to time (but then again, he nowadays didnt noticed it either), but I could not contain myself.
He was a gentleman, shy and adorable. He was all I wished for in a guy. When his brother - who I idetified as the most popular guy of our school- Cole, came in sight, only then it clicked. The boy in front of me, with his nervous smile, was Alex Walter.
When the car parked and the headlights were visible in the rain, we quickly ran to the blue vehicle. His brother didnt talk much, so the car ride was mostly quiet, my eyes were out the window and my thoughts were on Alex previous gesture of holding the door open for me. He didnt intend for me to fall in love with him, but I couldnt think of anything else to do, better than exactly that.
"I didnt get your name?" was all he said, when the car stopped in front of my house. "Oh right, sorry. Im y/n." He smiled again at me and my heart wanted to jump out off my chest. I didnt really notice Cole in the front and his famous "Cole effect". I was all catched up, by the beautiful boy next to me.
"Alex" he shook my hand and it made me giggle. I saw his ears turning pink at my laughter, so I smiled at him, so he knew I wasnt making fun of him. He relaxed then, but much to my dislike the blonde brother spoke up, before I could say something else. "I dont have all day, so are you two done looking at each other or can you go now? I swear, I saw y´all nearly kiss." At that, I was the one who turned red. "Sorry, thanks for the ride and-" as I wanted to strip off the jacket, Alex stopped my movements. "Oh no, you can have it. I mean- it´s still raining outside, I-I dont want you to get sick." Maybe I was already at that exact moment, falling in love with him. I also think, that his words made my cheeks turn a shade of red, that wasnt even on a scala anymore, because it was so high.
"But when do I give it back to you?" The last thing I wanted to do, was crossing a line with the Walter brothers. And maybe I also hoped to see him again. "Tomorrow? I will be in the gaming room in third grade. If thats okay with you?" He spoke quickly, because Cole kept getting more annoyed. "No, its fine. Thank you, Alex." I kissed him on the cheek (dont know where that one came from) and before I could look back, I was already out of the car and running towards the house. When I opened the door and the warmth embraced me, I looked out of the window from my house. The car was already gone, but I remember smiling so bright, I almost could not contain the happy feeling that consumed me.
That was the first time, my diary heard of Alex Walter.
The next day, I searched through three gaming rooms before I finally found him, starring at his laptop. As soon as I tapped him gently on the shoulder, he turned around and looked at me suprised. When he asked me, if I had had any trouble finding him, I said "what no, it took five minutes", when in reality it took 20 minutes, but he sounded really sincere, so it didnt matter.
That was the start of our ever-lasting friendship. We became best friends quickly and are verly close ever since, he is my other half. We are always together, in the hallway, at lunch, we see each other at the weekends and we even got the price "the best of best friends" by our friendgroup. I mean it was funny and its nice, really. But it says everything. We are just friends.
It´s very funny actually, because he knows me better than anyone and I can´t keep one secret from him. He just knows, when something is up. But my biggest secret of all time, that was the part where he was clueless about.
My love for him.
He just doesnt notice and I tried to not show it, but everyone knows I like him. Well, expect for him. When I look at him too long, because I (again) got lost in his eyes or looked a second too long at his lips, while he talked, he thinks he has something on his face. When I compliment him, for literal anything, he thinks I make fun of him, so he doesn't take it seriously. And I tried almost everything, so he could finally notice. Maybe then he could make the first move.
I once talked about my ideal type, because it was a truth or dare on my birthday party and I literally described him - he didnt notice. I swoon on a daily basis over his beauty, his intelligence , his personality, his habits, his cute flaws like staying up all night to play a video game - he doesnt know. I tried to learn his favorite video game, I read the Lord of the Rings saga, I even watched baseball games with him, I do anything so he will notice, how much I care about him. But he just doesn't get it.
If I would know, he simply didnt like me that way, I could somehow cope with that. But then, there are moments, where I would catch him starring at me, where he seems to be the one wanting me. He watches romantic movies with me and lets me cry about it after, when I´m sad about the ending, Sometimes I even get to lay on his chest. He listens when I talk about my newest book obsession, he goes shopping with me, even though he hates it. He helps me studying and I can tell him anything, he´s always there for me.
So it could be, that maybe my feelings were not completely unrequited. But then again, why didnt he made a move by now? Nevertheless, it keeps me awake at night. Because I want nothing more than to kiss his soft lips, feel his skin against mine, to look at his eyes and study every single freckle from his neck to his forehead. I want to love him. In a way, he knows it.
These feelings, these thoughts are constantly in my head. Especially now, when I sit across him and simply look at his concentrated face. His eyebrows are drawn together, he´s currently biting on his bottom lip, his nose scrunched in a frown. The light of his room shows me every little detail of his face. In moments like this, on a friday evening, where we study together for a biology test, I wish he would know how I feel about him. Because it would make everything so much easier.
Its currently raining outside, a remember of our first encounter, the clouds are dark and I hear loud thunder since the last couple of minutes went by. "Do you think, it will get better? The weather clearly looks bad." I shift my gaze to look at him and when I catch him starring at me, my heart swells in my chest.
I want to break the distant between us and close the gap of our lips. Want to get to know every little detail of his body. But as he speaks up, I clear my head. "I dont know, Danny said something about a storm. I honestly didnt know, it would be that bad." He closes his textbook and stands up, looking out the window. ,,Should I go?" My question suprises him. "Now? I think if you take a step outside, you will get swept up by your feet. It´s not safe." He looks at me unwary. "I dont know, I always wanted to fly. Maybe thats a sign." I grin at him and he laughs quietly. "Yeah, of course. Let me ask my dad, what he thinks is for the best. Maybe he can get you an umbrella and you do your best Mary Poppins impression."
~~~~~~
30 minutes later I find myself in a full-on Walter-family-disscussion. "But uncle! I dont get to have girls stay overnight. Thats unfair!" Lee is looking at George, unable to hide his jealousy. "When did a girl ever wanted to stay overnight with you?" Isaac asks from across the table. Lee just ignores him, an angry look in his eyes.
"Look, its nothing that I will allow forever. But right now, she cant go home, so she is welcomed to stay here." I smile at him, thankful that I´m not getting thrown out. "Also, she is like a thirteen family member. She´s practically living here." George added. One look at Alex and I wanted to know what he was thinking. Was I just like a sister to him? "Okay enough of that. Y/n, dear you are welcome to stay the night. We will figure it out. Nathan is staying with Skylar, so his bed is free." I´m glad, Katherine is here. I thank her and George and by the time, we ate dinner and Alex got me a toothbrush, so I could get ready for bed, it was late after 11.
As I make my way back to Alex's room after using the bathroom to change into my clothes, leaving me with shorts and a shirt, Cole is suddenly standing next to me. "Well, what a great opportunity for you." He grins at me. At his comment, I am visible confused. "What do you mean?" I look up to his smiling figure. "You have him all by yourself, of course. Your chance to finally do something. I can´t stand it anymore, you like him and he likes you. I always thought you were the clever one out of you two, so please put everyone out of this misery and kiss him, because he´s a complete idiot. It's long overdue for you two to get together."
His words leave me stunned. After he´s done talking, he makes his way silently back to his own room and I´m still standing in the hallway, trying to process his words. Kiss him. He likes you. Does Alex really likes me or is that some cruel joke for Cole? I hope not. Because my friends have told me several times, that they think, Alex likes me too. But I always thought, they were wrong.
My heart is heavily pounding as I make my way back to his room, taking a deep breath as I open the door. Alex is playing a video game, as always, but I see that he also changed into something more comfortable. It helps me calm down my nerves, when I see him doing something, he always does. I take a few steps towards his chair and his concentrated figure.
I mean, what was there in life, if I didnt take any risks? If he likes me back, it could be the answer to all my dreams and if not - well, the weather was still going pretty bad and could help me out of the awkward situation.
When I decided to test their he-likes-you-too-theory, I quickly came up with a plan. Okay, so I wasnt the best at flirting, that was for sure, but I could make a move. For starters, I wanted something, I often thought about.
As I stand behind him, I trace my fingers along his shoulders, hearing his surprised breath, that he quickly tries to hide. Well too bad, I heard it.
"Alex?" My voice is quiet.
"...yes?" I can see his muscles tense, while I keep touching his shoulders, going lower until I touch his arm. Something about what Cole said, about Alex liking me, gives me a certain confidence, that wasnt there before. Please dont let the King of hooking up be wrong.
"Could I borrow one of your hoodies? I´m freezing and only have my shirt." I try not to think about the possibility that he laughs in my face and says no. But then again, I know that Alex wouldnt do that. "I-uh, yeah. You can, um, grab one out of my closet." I smile to myself, when I see his eyes nervously scanning the display. He paused the game, even though he doesnt look at me while he talks.
"Thanks." As I turn towards his closet, I get the feeling that he´s secretly watching me choose a hoodie. When I get a hold on a dark green one, I immediately know its the one from when we first met. I take it and walk towards the other bed, getting a glimpse of his eyes, that continue to follow me. And then I do something, I thought I would never do in front of him. I change out of my top, the cold air hitting my skin and I hear him gasps.
When I change into his hoodie, a settling warmth embraces me. I smile to myself, a joy blooms in my chest, the feeling of wearing his clothes, makes me feel too good to be true. The shorts I´m wearing are the same ones as before and I think, that I kinda like the casual look. And maybe it looks fine, that could be a good way to get Alex attention. My shorts cover my thighs, but because his hoodie is bigger than what I normally wear, this way it looks like I only wear his hoodie.
When I turn around and fix my hair, he already started another game again. Okay, mission getting-some-sort-of-reaction, is starting to get interesting. "Soo, what do you think? Too big?" I wait for his reaction. When he slowly turns around, one hand holding up his headphones, I see him trying not to stare too hard. But since I see his eyes scanning my body, it´s impossible for him to pretend. I smile to myself.
"And?" I make a step in his direction, watching him swallow. His eyes wander to the floor and a nervous expression crosses his face. "I- I need to finish this game so-" he turns around so fast, I´m almost surprised his neck didnt broke. Shit. That wasnt part of the plan. I glance around the room, trying to come up with something, another way to keep his attention at me. I sit on his bed, near his computer and decide to watch him play. I hear the sound of the game playing in the background, while I continue to think of a way for him to notice me.
And even though I keep my hands to myself, I see him sqirming in his seat. I laugh quietly. "Everything okay?" it seems he isnt that concentrated anymore. "Yeah, uh, are you bored? You never watch me play." His head turns to look at me. "You could teach me some moves." I say, looking at him and then the game, that shows a spider attacking some creature. He raises his eyebrows at my words.
"You sure? I thought you didnt like video games." My eyes wander to his lap as I quickly come up with a plan. "Maybe I will like it, if you show me some tricks. And also, I like you and you´re really interested in gaming, so I thought I could make an effort." His cheeks are blushing, my eyes are starring at his clueless ones.
A smile tucks at his lips, but he tries to keep his cool. "I mean, I´m really good at this, so I could teach you one or two lessons. Where do you want to sit? I only have one gaming chair, but-" he glances around the room, trying to come up with something.
"Well, we could share?" I ask, my voice sounding sincere and not as much thrilled at the idea, to sit in his lap, even though I am freaking out in my thoughts. His eyes widen, when he realizes what I just said.
"You want to-" he doesn't finish his sentence, stuttering at the idea of me sitting on his lap. "If thats okay with you, of course? I think its the best solution, I mean I do want the full experience. So its fair." I see him nervously licking his lips. "Yeah, yeah. I get that. Okay, cool, how do you want to-" I smile at him and his nervous speech. "Just relax, I dont bite. You do know that, right?" I laugh when I see his ears turning pink.
"Right. So uh, come here, I guess?" He puts his arms on the armrests to give me good access and I feel myself getting nervous. God, I never got to be this close to him. I stand up, his eyes take my form in his sweater in, I see him starring at the naked skin. And when I see something shining in his hair, I act without a second thought.
"You have something in your hair, dummy." It's a little paper ball from Benny, probably from the previous dinner (fight), I lean myself down, facing him forward in his lap and cross my legs over his thighs. I don't notice what position we are in until I lean back to show him the piece of paper and suddenly, I'm just a few centimeters from his face. Shocked by the less to no space we have left between us, he doesn't speak and neither do I. We just look at each other.
"i-i got it." The words leave my mouth, the distance between our faces -god his lips look so soft- leaves me speechless. It takes him a moment, but when he answers he sounds just as out of breath as me.
"thanks."
Again, we sit in silence. Suddenly I loose my balance and I almost fall out of the chair, but his arms are quick to catch me. So now, he has his arms around my waist and my arms linger around his shoulders for support. If I would lean closer, I could kiss him.
The thought of kissing him, makes me sqirm and when he lays his hands onto my waist to still my movements, I feel dizzy. Because Im not just sitting on his legs. Indeed, I sit literally on his lap. So when I feel myself getting wet, because he makes me so touch starved, I completely loose my mind.
"Im sorry- i didnt mean to sit that way. I just-" his eyes are so fascinating, brown, green and warm. It feels like he´s looking at my soul. He´s watching my every move. I know I should probably get up, but its the first time, he is that close to me and I cant stop looking at him.
Without a thought in my head, I raise my hand and touch his cheek. I see his lips breaking apart, so he can draw a surprised breath. "You have so many freckles everywhere." My eyes wander around his face. His voice comes back to life for a second, but only to sign. "Too many, actually." I draw my eyebrows together.
"It suits you and it´s not too much. Thats a perfectly fine amount of freckles. Look-" I start to count them. Each and every one. Starting from his ears towards his cheeks, his nose, further down until I stop at his lips. "You have one right above the corner of your mouth." I mutter, my thumb brushes his lips for a second.
Caught, my eyes sneak back to search his gaze. But he just looks at me. My heart feels like it could break any second, if I dont open my mouth to say something.
"You are" I begin to say "so beautiful to me. Every freckle you have, the colour of your eyes, your hair, your lips, your voice, just you."
I cant hold back anymore.
"i-i love you, Alex. I really do. I thought it would just be a crush that would go away, when time goes on, but it hasnt. You´re in every piece of my heart, you hold it together. You are my joy, my laugh, my sadness, you were everything for me, the first second I got to know you. Because you are the best person in my life, my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, I would bail you out of jail in a heartbeat. Without you, my heart wouldn't beat anymore anyway. Because you make it live. Every day, every time I see you. Maybe if I would have known better, I would have never agreed to take your jacket, the first time we met. If I would have known, how absolutely in love I would get with you, it would have scared me to death. But now? Now I know better than to be away from you, because I better live as your best friend than without having you in my life. Because now, being away from you would be my death."
In one second, I bail my heart out and before I know it, he takes my face in his hands and leans forward. He stops his movement right before our lips touch.
"I think you will be the death of me too, sweetheart."
And with that, he kisses me.
Slow at first, his lips touch mine, so very soft and gentle. I almost think I´m dreaming, because his lips do feel like a dream to me. His hands caress my back and I clutch to his shoulders, afraid the moment will end. His warm hands strive back to my cheeks, tilding my head in a way he can have more access.
And I let him, mainly because I´m too caught up with this emotion and also because I would let him do anything with me. My hands are in his dark hair, gently tugging at his strings, so I get to hear that little breathless sound he makes, that makes my heart flutter.
I sink in his warm embrace, moving my lips with the same rhythm as him, hearing my heartbeat in my ears. His right hand goes to the back of my neck and this action makes me weak in the knees. And he notices it. Gently he breaks apart, leaving me with the want to have more of him and when I open my eyes - I didnt know I closed them - he looks at me, like I´m the sun and he´s the moon, that was away for too long.
"God, you´re so beautiful." His voice is deep, I can hear him catch his breath. His words make my heart ache until I think it isnt able to comprehend his compliment. I feel his lips again, my eyes flutter at the contact. One hand around my hip, holding me steady and the other one, around my neck, making me unsteady.
"alex-" a moan wants to escape me, but I try to hold myself together. His lips leave my mouth and trail further down, finding a spot at the curve of my neck.
"god, yes. Say my name again." I´m pretty sure, I never wanted him more than now.
My hands linger in his hair, I feel his hot breath on my skin and clench my thighs together. He is making me feel all worked up. As his lips leave that spot, I whimper his name, but as soon as his mouth leaves my body, he reconnects with it.
Brushing my hair aside, he kisses me again for a second before he lets go of me. With that, im completely convinced he hates me, the way he´s making me suffer. I hear him quietly laugh, so I slowly open my eyes to watch his face.
"You look drunk on love. Are you alright?" He smiles at me, looking at me, like he didnt just turn my world up site down (and my panties wet, by the way).
"What?" I ask, catching my breath. His skin glows and as I watch every detail of his face (how could I not), I almost miss his next sentence. "I would have never thought that this was your idea of gaming." I feel his shoulders move, when he tries to keep himself from laughing.
I gently smile and roll my eyes. "You are just too handsome for me, to concentrate on anything other than you." His cheeks turn red and there´s a glimmer in his eyes, that makes me feel completed. "So that´s why you have bad grades in math, maybe I shouldnt be sitting next to you then." His joke makes me laugh.
"Well, maybe you can give me some private lessons, so I could improve." At that, he opens his mouth, but no words are said. "Too stunned to speak?" I lean forward, his eyes follow my lips. "You just never flirted with me, its distracting." He looks up.
I just shake my head. One of my hands sneaks around to linger at his cheek. "Oh, trust me. I have. You just never noticed." His eyebrows rise. "Thats a shame. But I guess I have now." He catches my lips.
Yes, he definitely did notice me now.
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fatesmono · 2 months
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valentines day with yoongi
✮⋆˙ warning : some language + i haven’t written in half a year so.
✮⋆˙ this is an “x reader” so yk insert gender <3
✮⋆˙a.n : so todays valentine’s day (its the 13th at 11:59 posting this, great job me :3). so happy valentines i guess. i’m spending it celebrating jaehyun's birthday and writing abt my husband who’s in the war. i haven’t written in like, six years (six months) so pls go easy on me 
✮⋆˙enjoy loves <3333 happy valentines day !!
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i never liked valentine’s day. it was always a stupid ass holiday if i do say so myself. am i saying that bc i never had a good valentine ? …maybe so, why are you so nosy ?? anyways, that was before i met him, min yoongi. i never met a man who says he hates a holiday so much but also goes all out for it. our first valentines last year i expected him to not really get me anything or like a bouquet of flowers since it wasn’t that much…i got a bouquet alright, like seven of them (he had said he didn’t know which one i would like so he just got me all of the ones he thought i would want), plus a shit ton of chocolate and just little things like one of his hoodies and this ring i had been eyeing for like months beforehand. so much for “valentines day isn’t really my thing” right ? all men do is lie, even min yoongi.
okay but anyways, here we are now, a year later. i wanna prove myself this year, i refuse to be out-valentines’d by him, no matter what that takes. now just one problem, he’s rich, i work at a coffee shop. shit, i know right ? but we will make it work i don’t care. 
so have i had this planned out for the last two months like a gta heist ? yes. but i NEED this day to go perfect. did it ? NO. NO IT DIDNT. first the necklace i got him with his name won’t be ready until the 17th, and then the kiss hoodie i was working on for him GETS BLEACHED SPILLED ON HIM, curtesy of our cat, johnny, and then; if it wasn’t going awful anyway, the cupcakes i made for him burned. and i’m going to his studio as we speak…this is my thirteenth reason. so right now all we have is his favorite flowers, a bleached hoodie with my kisses and a book of poems i wrote for him, sigh. SIGH. and if it didn’t help, he already gave me half of my gift before he left and it’s ten times better. A ROSE GOLD NECKLACE, he got me a rose gold encrusted with the sun because “i’m the sun to his moon”, he makes me wanna bash my head sometimes from how sweet he is. 
so getting to his studio, the definition of “shaking in my little boots”. i can hear him practicing his music from outside his studio, it’s like walking into beethoven working on smth if beethoven was your 30 year old idol boyfriend for a kpop group, if that makes sense, which is doesn’t so. anyways, i put in the code for his studio (it’s our anniversary, excuse me while i cry.) and quietly walk in to not disturb him, which isn’t that hard since he has tunnel vision as he invented it, and quietly tap his shoulder gently to get his attention. he turns around, taking off his headphones and noticing me with a small smile on his face, which might as well have been a kiss from him then and then. 
“hey love, happy valentine’s day, what are you doing here ?”, god why does he have to have such a perfect voice; it’s like he doesn’t even have to try. i go on to give him to give him his gift and try to explain that i had much more to give him and i knew it wasn’t enough to give and- and he cuts me off. good job if i do say so myself because the yapping i do, i could win a medal. 
“honey honey, this is perfect…you didn’t even have to get me anything, and you wrote me poems…that’s like writing me a song, this means the world to me. you remembered my favorite flowers, and this hoodie..i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a gift like this from anyone before, not even the guys. thank you so much…”, and my heart just turns into a puddle then and there. all my worries gone in a second, how does he do it ? he really should’ve become a therapist in another life, but i guess he does that with his music. but anyways, did i expect him to like the gift ? absolutely not. i did try to pay for dinner that night and he still didn’t let me do it, saying it was “an extra gift” as if i needed anymore gifts. remind me next to try and not outgift a rich idol who’s secret love language is definitely gift giving. 
i’m still getting next years gifts ready anyways. i’m so winning next year, i don't care.
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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months
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Hiii, excited to see you doing creepypasta reqs again! Could you possibly write hcs for Slenderman's s/o get very festive for Christmas and want to decorate a tree with him, make cookies, ugly sweaters, the whole shabang! I kinda got inspired to ask this bc of something similar you did for Halloween that I absolutely loved!
Doing Christmas with Slenderman!
still sick but im feeling bad for not writing anything these past few days so im probably going to tackle this request and write something for myself !! im feeling better compared to last night; was scared to fall asleep after literally waking up choking on my own phlegm but good news is that it didnt happen again when i feel asleep (admin is testing god) anyways uuuuuuuuh hope you enjoy! happy holidays to everyone and to those who dont celebrate, have an amazing rest of the year!
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i like to think that instead of bringing a tree into the mansion, you guys just decorate a tree out in the woods! now is it a christmas tree? well... now technically it is... but is it your standard evergreen? ...no, i mean unless the woods slenderman resides in have those! but its the thought that counts!
though i think if it really does matter to you he might get (steal) a tree for you along with some shiny new ornaments, just dont ask where it all came from!
knows of the holidays but similar to most human things and traditions, he doesnt really know much else so youre going to have to guide him!
retreats to his office when wrapping your gifts, and completely leaves the mansion/your place if youre wrapping his gifts
you guys have to get an extra long scarf to share since hes so tall he kind of unintentionally hogs it (does it count as hogging if most of the scarf is stretched between you two?)
youre going to have to beg if you want to see him in an ugly sweater, though, the scarf hes fine with but a sweater? an ugly one? come on reader, have mercy... he needs to be intimidating...!
only wears the sweater when you guys are in the mansion or in your home
i notice i keep bouncing between slenderman being a good cook and a shit one, but i think it would make more sense for him to kind of suck. at least in the beginning since he has no need to cook for himself + youre the first human hes had to provide for... so
baking christmas cookies together is going to be interesting!
they dont taste,,, horrible...
definitely better at decorating than actually baking; though you must admit hes very careful and meticulous with his ingredients, there was hardly a mess left behind
mistletoe
evil laughs
brain blast he ties a mistletoe to his tentacle and hangs it over the two of you. only really does this when hes craving affection more than usual
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thedoover-if · 6 months
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i'll just call myself the avoidance anon (lol) and yes, we're doing much better, thank you! I'm happy to say that, as a big FU to my (ex) dad, I am now earning three times his salary. haha
anyways, on the subject of kids, I have this scenario where my PC have always wanted to have a child (totally not me btw) but obviously that didn't happen bc of the cheating and divorce. in a game I played recently, the MC's mother had artifical insemination to have a baby. so what if our PC did that too (we better be making big bucks as a marriage councellor or i'll sue) a year or two after the divorce.
I hc my PC as someone who overworks to cope (if I can't see you, you can't see me) and kinda just... forgets to take care of themselves at some point. while spending a day-off on their favorite cafe, they happen to see a happy family walk by and after almost a week of thinking, they're on their way to get an IUI. a few months later, its confirmed that they're pregnant and affectionately call the bundle of joy, 'my miracle'. ('I lost myself but I found you, my tiny miracle')
on the night of the accident, PC asked the sweet old couple next door to babysit bc they're working late aaand... there goes the plot. at some point after the accident, the ex-spouse somehow meets the child and is curious about the father and (possibly) gets even more heartbroken realizing PC most likely went through a pregnancy alone; the morning sickness, pregnancy cravings, and the heightened emotions on top of the soreness.
ex-spouse: 'oh, what are you drawing?'
(c/n): 'ms. penny said to draw my family. this is me; I'm a prince/princess.'
ex-spouse: "oh, is this your mommy and daddy, then?"
(c/n): 'no, mommy is the fairy godmother. that's daddy and his princess.'
ex-spouse: 'your daddy and... his princess?'
(c/n): 'mmh! mommy said my real daddy left to look for his true love, and that they lived happily ever after.'
(the skit is purely for emotional damage LOLOLOL)
ex-spouse is left to be a silent observer as he watches PC put the child to sleep by singing them a lullaby (think 'never grow up' by ts) and watch them be the mother they always wanted to be, except, the spot next to them was empty (different from his imagination) and the warm, loving gaze PC used to give him was now directed at someone else.
for extra angst, i'd like to imagine the ex-spouse's parents being aware that PC had a baby and sends birthday and holiday gifts for the little one. they were even there for the baby's birth. when the ex later called his parents to ask why they didn't say anything to him about the baby, they simply said 'it was none of his business'. of course, the parents would notice PC overworking themselves, but months later, they saw small, positive change with the PC, and when they opened up they were, in fact, pregnant, they didn't want their kid to ruin the happiness PC found (again)
at this point, it just became a mini-au of an au. I'M JSUT SO EXCITED FOR THIS IF JSJAKPQXNWO
hi again! aw that makes me really happy to hear and YESSS CONGRATS TO YOU!!!
uhm...this skit😭😭 emotional damage achieved anon😭 also i love never grow up!! well this story broke my heart WHYY. reading this makes me so glad i didnt add any kids into this horrible mix LOL. and by the end of the book itll just be up in the air what happens with MC and their partner, so you guys can just create whatever scenarios you want haha
and thank you for the excitment!!💗 sorry its taking so long, coding is such a drag (im really slow haha) but it hopefully shouldnt be too long anymore!!
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myfanstories · 1 year
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Blind Date
pairing: Jake (Hangman) Seresin x Female!Reader (Callsign: Sunny)
summary: The squad arranges dates for each other so they dont have to spend Valentine's day alone, but unspoken feelings make its way to the surface when Hangman's date for the reader is a no-show
A/N: a little Valentine's story for you guys :))) hope you like it!
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Valentine’s day. The most romantic day of the year… not.
You truly believed it honestly could be a very romantic day, with the right person ofcourse. But every year your expectations of the specific holiday would be crushed which left you with absolutely zero expectations this year. You didnt have a boyfriend, you didnt even have a situationship or someone to call when the need was getting high. What you did have, was a literal pain in the ass aviator as your wingman who once again pissed you off so bad, you had to take a walk around the base just so you wouldnt literally rip that smug smile of his face in one go.
“Sunny wait!” you didnt even turn around when you heard Rooster call your name, your feet hitting the ground hard as you kept a fast pace “Sunny slow down, please” you felt his his hand grab your shoulder and he softly stopped you from walking any further. Turning around with your eyes closed, you faced Rooster. “Deep breaths Sunny… deep breaths” softly rubbing your shoulders with his hands, your eyes remained closed for a second allowing yourself to fully calm down before opening them again. Rooster frowned down at you, eyes concerned “You good?” you took another deep breath in through your nose, exhaling through your mouth and placed both hands on your hips, nodding “I’m good. He just makes me so angry all the time, its like I transform into a different person every time we fly together.” You watched over Rooster’s shoulder, watching Jake as he laughed at something Coyote said “He’s the most awful person I’ve ever met…I never thought I would say this but I think I hate him” you said and Rooster raised his eyebrows at your statement “You? Y/N? Sunny the literal sunshine hating a person? Now I’ve literally heard everything” he laughed and you rolled your eyes with a small smile on your lips as you hit your dear friends chest lightly “Come on little chicken, I need a drink” putting his arm around you, he placed you in a light chokehold as he ruffled your hair a little “Thats my Sunny”
You thanked Phoenix as she handed you another beer, listening to Payback telling the squad how he planned on surprising his wife for valentine’s day. Your eyes scanned the room for a second before your eyes locked with Jake’s for a moment. You truly wondered if that smug little smile ever disappeared from his face. He winked at you, making you roll your eyes and focussing back on Payback “We’re so pathetic” Rooster suddenly said, eyes turning his way “half of us are gonna be alone, yet again, this year on valentines day” Phoenix scoffed “Speak for yourself, I may be single but I got a hot date waiting for me” low whistles followed and you nodded at her approvingly “What about you, Sunny?” Fanboy smiled and you waved him of “I dont do Valentines day and I really dont mind being alone” out of the corner of your eye, you could see Jake staring at you. Just as you were about to comment on it, the devil himself spoke “I have an idea” you tried so hard but couldnt surpress the quiet groan that left your mouth “And before you guys protest, hear me out. Rooster, Coyote, Bob, Fanboy, Sunny and myself are the ones alone on Valentine’s day right?” He looked around the room, catching a few heads nodding “What if we set each other up with dates for the night? We’ll each draw a name and that person has to bring a date for the name they got” you were about to protest, but surprise overtook you as the rest of the squad looked like they were actually contemplating it “Guys really?” You spoke up and Rooster looked at you and shrugged “I mean why not? Its not like we have anything better to do? Come on Sunny” he looked at you with pleading eyes “I actually think this would be good Sun” Phoenix said carefully and you looked around the room, the aviators surrounding you looking at you with hopeful eyes before you sighed and threw your hands up in defeat “Okay sure, yes I’m in” Jake jumped up and walked towards the bar “Penny my dear, can I please borrow some pen and paper”
10 minutes later, Phoenix mixed the names in Fanboy’s baseball cap one last time before smiling and moving over to Rooster who picked first, he smiled at his name and his eyes darted over to Coyote. You chuckled a little at the fact he was totally not being subtle about it as Phoenix walked over to you. You grabbed a few pieces of paper a couple of times before picking one. You shielded it a little from the rest of the group before opening the little piece of paper ‘Rooster’ you tried hard to keep your smile contained, already knowing the perfect match for him which actually made you kind of excited. Jake was the last one to pick the paper, he opened it and you swear you saw a little bit of disappointment flash across his face before it was replaced with a confident smile. He looked up from his piece of paper and suddenly your heart sank a little as your face fell “Oh god… you picked me”
Adjusting your skirt one last time, you looked at yourself in the mirror and hummed in satisfaction. “Looking good, if I say so myself” you mumbled quietly under your breath, doing a teeth check one last time. Grabbing your phone you noticed 2 texts from your friend Nicole aka Rooster’s date for tonight. One of the texts was just a bunch of emoji’s to describe how nervous she was, the other one saying she was on her way to pick you up. Making your way downstairs you grabbed all the essentials, dropped them in your purse and checked the mirror one last time before making your way outside. Just as you shut the door behind you, Nicole pulled up in the driveway and flashed her headlights at you. Hurriedly, you made your way over to her car and jumped in the passenger seat. With a big smile on your face you hugged her and she squeeled, pulling back “I’m so nervous” she said, making you laugh “Its gonna be fine, you know him” “Yeah, I know he’s one very hot man” she said “Babe, since meeting you for the first time he’s asked about you quite a lot so I think he’s gonna be very happy when he sees you walking in” she bit her lip nervously “You think so?” You grabbed her hand and squeezed it “I know so… come on lets go. I wanna be there early so I can make up an excuse and leave once I see who Hangman brought for me”
Arriving at the hard deck you jumped out of the car and linked arms with Nicole, walking to the enterance. While catching up about work and life in general you both entered the bar, chatting whilst you walked over to Fanboy who seemingly was the only person already there with a very beautiful girl next to him. Catching his eye, he waved you guys over. Giving him a small hug you turned to Nicole, introduced her to Fanboy as Roosters date and focused on the girl next to him “This is Mia, Bob’s date” your eyes went wide as you looked at Fanboy and back at Mia “Mickey? She’s so beautiful? Bob will literally freeze when he sees her” you laughed and looked at Mia who had a small blush on her cheeks “Thank you” out of the corner of your eye you could see the door to the bar open, Coyote’s laugh filling the air as he laughed at something the girl he walked in with said. Looking over at Fanboy you could literally see his breath being taken away by her as he took a little step back. “Mickey Garcia, may I do the honors of introducing you to the very lovely Jackie” as Fanboy made literally no attempt to move, Mia gave him a little nudge which made him come out of his frozen state. Quickly clearing his throat he walked over to her and shook her hand, formally introducing himself.
As you talked for another 5 minutes with Nicole, Mia and Coyote you spotted Rooster walk in with all his confident glory. He scanned the room for a second, his eyes trying to find the familiar group of friends. He quickly saw you and you excitedly waved at him, pointing in Nicole’s direction where she was currently chatting with Fanboy and Jackie. Roosters eyes went wide as he wordlessly pointed at her and then back to himself in a questioning matter, eyebrows raised. You nodded with a big smile and let out a small laugh when he did started cheering behind her back. The sound of your laugh seemed to get Nicole’s attention as she turned to what or who you were looking at. Ever so smoothly, Rooster composed himself just as Nicole’s eyes fell on him. With a cocky smile on his face he made its way over to you two, eyes locked on Nicole the whole time. “Rooster, I-“ you were rudely interupted when you were met with a hand in your face as Rooster shoved it away lightly “We can talk later… Hey Nicole“ shaking your head with a smile on your face, you decided to make your way over to the bar to get yourself a drink whilst you had to wait.
As you sat on one of the chairs at the bar, a girl walked in and hurriedly made her way over to Rooster. They quickly said hello to each other and you heard her mumble something about her being sorry for being a little late, before Rooster introduced her to Coyote and making his way back to Nicole. “Mind if I wait with you?” A voice spoke from behind you, making you turn around “Ofcourse Mia!” She smiled politely and sat next to you, placing her purse on top of the bar “Is he nice?” She asked, making you look up from your glass of red wine “Bob?” She nodded and you smiled softly “He is the most precious man on planet earth… something I just want but him in my pocket and take him with me everywhere I go” she barked out a laugh “And it helps he’s not awful to look at” you winked at her and just as she was about to say anything, the door to the bar opened again making you turn your head a little to see who just walked in. Hangman strutted into the place like he literally owned the bar, signature cocky smile on his face and head held high. “Man seriously? If you guys are ever tired of that aviator thing you do… I’m pretty sure you could all become models” you chuckled and Mia muttered a ‘hot damn’ under her breath as unfortunately, Hangman made its way over to you two first. His eyes scanning you up and down, he stopped right in front of you “Hangman” you stated, voice blank and a tight smile on your lips “My god Sunny, you look good” tilting your head slightly to the side, you leaned back a little against the bar “I am good Hangman, I’m very good” with his hands on both sides of his stupid little waist, his smile grew wider at your statement “Thats my girl” scrunching up your nose in disgust you turned to Mia with a little sigh “Jake this is Mia, Bob’s date for tonight” after what felt like a lifetime, he finally took his eyes off of you and looked at the girl who sat next to you, who gave him a little head nod “Damn, Bob is one lucky man…speaking of the man where is he? It looks like he’s the one bringing my date” you suddenly remembered he walked in alone, too distracted by your hatred for the man standing in front of you that you forgot he was supposed to bring you a date “Where’s mine?” You shot back “On its way, had a little car trouble on the way here but he’ll make it” suddenly Jake was called away by Coyote, walking away he shot you one last wink over his shoulder and you rolled your eyes “He’s so into you” you whipped your head over to Mia who had a sly smile on her face and you swear, you almost choked on your own spit hearing her say those words “What?!” “Y/N please, the way that man looks at you? He’s down bad” laughing softly you shook your head at her words “He’s the reason for my stress induced hair loss I’ll tell you that. And I’m the reason his skin glows the way it does, because I’m pretty sure he feeds from taking people’s souls in exchange for his good looks” as she let out a small gasp she narrowed her eyes at you, pointing a finger directly at you “You’re into him too” she stated and just as you were about to protest, Bob walked over to you two “Uhm, Mia?” He asked shyly, causing Mia to look at him. You suddenly saw her eyes light up as she looked at him “Bob?” She asked and he nodded, holding out his hand for her to shake. Looking over to the group you noticed Hangman talking to literally the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen and out of nowhere, a pang of pain hit you straight in the chest. Literally grabbing onto your chest and rubbing it lightly, trying to play it off you felt a delicate hand being placed on your shoulder. You looked up at her as she just knowingly winked at you before walking off with Bob to join the rest of the crew, leaving you by yourself at the bar… yet again, alone on Valentine’s day.
2 hours later and your date was nowhere to be seen. At this point you made the assumption Hangman probably did this on purpose, pretending to set you up with a guy. Which proves once again that Valentine’s day will always let you down. Luckily Rooster and Nicole were already acting like a married couple and took you under their wing for the night, which made you feel horrible. Thats why you were currently attempting to leave the bar, but Rooster was refusing to let you go “It’s fine, I’ll walk home its really not that far! Besides, I could use some fresh air” Nicole was currently shooting daggers with her eyes at Hangman as he made its way over to you with probably yet again another excuse as to why your date was late “I dont want to hear it Hangman, I really dont” your voice sounded tired, not even in the mood to put up a fight against him as you grabbed your purse from the chair it sat on. Turning to him one last time, you gave him your best smile “Happy Valentine’s day Jake, thank you for the lovely evening… dick” the last part was muttered under your breath as you made your way to the exit but just as you where about to open the door, someone beat you to it. You looked up to see Hangman opening the door for you “I’ll walk you home” he said, voice soft and you scoffed “No, thanks” “I’m not gonna argue with you on this one Y/N. I’m gonna walk you home” you looked at him and realized he really wasnt taking no for an answer before you nodded, eyes darting to the floor. His hand found the small of your back as he guided you outside.
After walking for a good couple of minutes in complete silence, Hangman was the first person to break the tension hanging in the air “His name is Alex” looking up at him, brows furrowed as he continued “the guy I was trying to set you up with tonight” you chuckled as you crossed your arms whilst shaking your head “I was beginning to think you just made someone up” looking up at him you noticed him looking at you intensely “What?” you snapped, a little to harsh for your own liking but you truly couldnt help it at this point “You know, Rooster talks a lot. I mean he talks a lot in general, but he also talks a lot about you. How great you are, how your ability to stay positive and smile after everything you’ve been through is otherworldly” you stopped walking and turned to him, allowing yourself to look at him. “On paper you look great too… top graduate of your class in both military training and top gun training, 2 confirmed air kills, a PhD in aerospace engineering. When I first read your file I was curious about you, but when I heard Rooster talk about you I literally couldnt wait to meet you” you watched him intensely as he rattled on “But then I met you and… what I’m trying to say- or rather ask is, what did I do wrong for you to hate me that much” truly taken back by his words, you were left speechless for a moment not knowing what to say or how to answer that question. As your brain went in to panic mode, you asked yourself that question for the first time ever… why did you hate him?
When Rooster first told you about the infamous Hangman, and you always seeing the good in people, told him you had to meet Hangman first and then decide if all the stories about him were true or if it was just jealousy coursing through the veins of his fellow aviators. But when that day came and you met him, your body reacted to him in a way it had never reacted before to someone. And your brain automatically assumed it was hatred you felt for the very first time in your life. Everything he did annoyed you, everything he said put you on edge and everytime he just so much as looked at you, you felt as if your body was on fire. But now it felt as if you brain was finally starting to realise it processes your feelings towards Hangman wrong. It wasnt hate you felt for the first time. It was love.
Struggling to find the words you just stared at him “Sunny?” him calling your name snapped you out of your trance and you hummed in response “I’m literally begging over here for you to tell me what I did wrong so I can fix my mistake” his eyes seemed desperate as he took a step towards you, which made you automatically take a step back. Hurt flashed over his eyes for a second before he rubbed his face is frustration “I-just forget it, lets just walk you home” he started walking again, but you stayed standing where u were. Literally frozen to the ground. It took a couple of seconds but finally some words came out of your mouth “I dont hate you” Hangman stopped walking, his back still facing you but no longer moving “I dont think I ever hated you, now that I think about it” and when he finally turned around, you found the courage to slowly walk over to him “Then why do you act like it?” you darted your eyes to the ground for a second, before looking up and meeting his “Just walk me home please?” he nodded and you both started walking again, only this time the distance between the two of you wasn’t that big “You’re so lucky Bob pulled your name. If Coyote had yours and you left the date he arranged for you so you could walk a sad girl home you wouldnt hear the end of it” Jake chuckled and bumped your shoulder with his, just for a moment “That was Bob’s cousin” you gasped, looking at him with wide eyes “You left Bob’s cousin behind?! First of all she was so hot, those Floyd genes are really something else. Second of all, I would never set up my cousin with you” a small laugh escaped his lips and he smiled at you “You know what she said to me? First thing she said was ‘I’m not interested, I’m just doing Bobby a favor so act like you’re interested in me for a hot minute before I can make a break for it and go to my real date’” you stared at him in shock and couldnt help but laugh “I’m sorry, but that’s actually karma” he knew well enough you were referencing you your own date and he groaned “I swear, Alex was coming tonight… his car broke down on the way here. I even gave him your phone number so he could call you later on but guess he’s still dealing with his car problems” you patted his shoulder and while dropping your hand, you slowly but surely looped your arm in his. Jake decided not to comment on it and just let it happen, scared that with one wrong movement you would shield yourself away from him again.
After walking for another 15 minutes, you finally arrived at your place. Grabbing the key out of your purse, Jake walked all the way to your front door with you. Laughing as he was telling you about something that happened with Payback the other day on base, you opened your front door and turned to him unsure if your next move was going to be the right move “Thanks for walking me all the way home, you really didn’t have to do that” Jake’s hand snaked its way around your neck and lightly ran his hand over the back of it “No problem” you let your hand rest on his arm as he gently rubbed circles to the back of your neck “I meant it when I said it I never hated you… I just think my brain and body reacted in two different ways and I didnt know how to cope with all these things I was feeling at the same time. I’m truly sorry if I hurt you by making you think that I hated you” as you scanned Jake’s face, you finally noticed how kind his eyes actually were. Looking into them, you could truly see Jake. Not Hangman, the cocky aviator who made you cry out of - which what you thought- was anger. But Jake Seresin, the man who not even half an hour ago was almost begging on his knees for you to tell him what he did wrong and how he could fix it. “Do you want to start over?” he suggested and you shook your head “No, I dont want to start over… I like where we are right now” his eyes flickered to your lips for a second, automatically wetting his own in the progress “If I kiss you, will that change anything about us?” he looked into your eyes, anxiously awaiting your response before you reached out your hand and placed it on his cheek “It will change, but only for the better” that was all he needed, pulling your head gently closer and leaning in before softly placing his lips onto yours. You know how in the movies they describe the feeling of fireworks exploding the first time you kissed somebody. You always dreamed of having that experience, but somehow this was even better. Jake’s lips onto yours felt like the world suddenly made sense, like it all fell into place and a weight was lifted of your shoulders. A weight you didnt even know you were wearing. As you finally seperated you balanced on your heels for a second “Do you maybe want to come in for a second? I have a bottle of red open that needs to be finished by tonight” and before you knew it he took your hand and led you inside of your own house. “Sit down, I’ll grab everything” he demanded and laughed, mock saluting him as you made your way over to the couch. Sitting down, you suddenly felt your phone vibrate and took it out of your purse, throwing the purse to the side. You half expected it to be Rooster or Nicole checking up on you, but were a little surprised to see an unknown number calling you. Reluctantly you swiped the green button, whilst bringing it to your ear “Hello?” “Oh hi, is this Y/N?” A male voice sounded from the other side “Uhm, who’s asking” “Its Alex, Jake’s friend” you looked over at Jake, who was pouring the wine into two glasses with the uttermost concentration on his face. He looked up at you shooting you a wink which made your heart skip a beat for a second, a love struck smile plastered on your face “No, I’m sorry… I think you have the wrong number” before Alex could answer, you pressed end call and focused back on Jake, who was walking towards you with the two glasses of wine in his hands “Everything okay?” you hummed in response, a little smile on your face as you looked at him and replied softly “Everything is just perfect”
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actualbird · 4 months
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hope you have a great Christmas and new year!! what fic/headcanon/ficlet did you enjoy writing the most this year, and are there any fic/headcanon ideas you want to write in 2024? 🎄
hi hi anon, thank you for the well wishes!! i hope you have a wonderful holidays too, and a happy new year :DDD
thank you ALSO for this question cuz uehhhhh i feel pretty emotional over my writing journey this 2023. i didnt write as much as i wanted, but im still proud of myself for what i managed to get out
the fic i enjoyed writing the most this year has got to be, hands down, growing pains
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(yes i will shamelessly self promo it HAHA, it's the fic im proudest of writing this year!! to anybody out there hasnt read it, if you do read it, itd mean the world to me)
while this fic didnt do numbers or anything, it's the one fic that i'd been wanting to write basically ever since i learned of marius' family's lore and his backstory. it was an idea that i kept in my head for the longest time, and finally being able to write it was so rewarding. the comments i got on the fic too, both on the fic or from people telling me or from aRT INSPIRED BY THE FIC (CHIKA IF UR OUT THERE, KNOW THIS ART LIVES IN MY HEART!!), it all made me so so so grateful and happy. just goes to show that theres no such thing as too late to write a fic idea ;w; someone out there will always be able to resonate with the story ;w;
as for 2024......i....actually dont wanna be writing very much anymore, if im being honest ;w;
i know i just posted a wip of a christmas fic but after some reflection ive come to the conclusion that! writing isnt making me very happy lately if im being honest HAHA. and life is too short to waste on things that make me feel upset. the only reason im writing right now is because it feels like homework, which....isnt a great way to think about a hobby thats sposed to be bringing me joy.
maybe one day in this upcoming year, the joy to write will come back and i'll ferally work on a wip with passion and gusto again. but until then, take this ask as me taking an informal hiatus from fics and most hcs
anyhoo, thank you for the ask anon!! to a fruitful 2024 for us all :D
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bbarican · 4 months
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december 18, 2023; 7:14 am - roadtrip!
good morning, tumblr! happy monday! its rainy and gloomy and cold, but im not mad about it; im currently in a starbucks sa slex kasi i decided to help out my boss toda sa batangas project niya; its just gonna be me, her, and our client’s assistant today
im excited! its been so long since i last went to batangas kaya im excited for the roadtrip and to see our project down there too kasi this is on of our last high end residentia projects kaya im looking forward to taking lots of photos too
this weekend has been the most fun ive ever had in a really long time! so many new memories with my family and the fact na we’re only getting started palang is making me suuuuper stoked for the rest of the holiday season kasi hanggng katapusan pa sila ng december dito!
i also bought gifts na for my parents and funny enough, i didnt even try as in not at all to hide their gifts kasi nga i love giving gifts and i dont do well with hiding surprises, especially if i know na mgugustohan talaga nila yung ibibigay ko
for example, kagabi napadaan ko sa store that sells collectible toys and i was initially there to look around for gifts for my cousins pero and unang tanong ko talaga is if meron ba silang anything n voltes v related
and they did! they had 1 funko pop and i didnt even hesitate that much kasi i know my dad is gonna love it so i bought it tapos natatawa pa ko kasi it was impossible to hide from my dad either way kasi yung plastic bag from the store was clear too so he wouldve seen it kaagad din
for my mom naman, i bought her clothes and make up is thats some of the things she wanted and it was also an excuse for me to buy myself a new lip balm from sunnies so its always a win win situation in the end
im so grateful na i get to spoil my parents na
the homily last night was very spot on too - we should learn how to be okay with things and situations just being enough; and im glad to say na everything has been enough for us and i will forever be thankful
anyways, i hope you guys have a lovely monday and a lovely rest of the week! for those na may work pa like me, ingat kayo sa mga biyahe niyo! and for those na naka bakasyon na, eh di sana ako din
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atinyniki · 4 months
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teaser 'good enough' : one.
background info: main character is maya. aalia is maya's little sister. maya and aalia sleep in the same bed. HUGE TW.
a/n: this is kind of very sad btw... its not a fanfic though ! its a story. i hope the finished product will be as good as my actual fics.
teaser wc: 890
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TW: suicidal themes, mentions of abuse, trauma, neglect, mentions of a miscarriage, loss of a loved one
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two decades later, yet everything has changed. maya’s grown a lot now, trying her best to use her trauma for good. 
she’s become mildly successful with her writing, but as time went on, she’s lost motivation. 
she’s lost the support of her family. she’s lost her friends. and now it feels like she’s lost the one thing that makes her happy.
so she thinks about it. for the first time since seventh grade, her sick mind puts those terrible thoughts into her head. no one wants her, so why is she here?
she walks into the bathroom, the one she’s used for the past four years, looking for something. just something that could help her do this.
until she’s called for bed.
aalia yells out for her, so she stops herself, stepping into the bedroom after getting ready. she wants to leave, but she can’t.
but it would be so much better without her, wouldn’t it?
they both lay down in the bed, but maya makes a mistake. a mistake that she has made one too many times, clearly. aalia slaps her in the face, unamused by mayas stupid attempt to ‘tickle’ her. 
but it was truly unintentional. she couldn’t say anything else, only shutting herself up and laying down.
and she thinks about it once more, ending it all. but this isn’t right. so she takes out her phone, typing out a number into her search engine.
988.
she clicks on the chat option, filling out the required information. and then she gets a response.
his name is asher, she finds out.
this is crazy, why had it even gotten up to this point? asher asks what’s wrong, as his job entails. and then it all pours out.
that’s okay though, right? isn’t that the point of this entire website?
minutes pass, and mayas already started crying. she tries her best to hide it for her sisters sake, but these messages aren’t helping at all.
and then she confesses. she confesses something she has never confessed before. something she had never even thought about until now.
maya: in 2007, my mother was due for a baby boy. he was stillborn. his name was manik. when she told me, i felt guilty. i felt guilty for giving my mother all these complications, so many that she couldn’t bear another child. she had always wanted a boy. maya: in fifth grade, i made a journal dedicated to him. i’d talk to him every single day through there, just to tell him how sorry i was that i couldn’t be enough. and how i know that he’d be so much better than who i am now. maya: i think it’s changed me a lot, even though i didn’t think about it until now. every time i don’t live up to my parents’ or sister’s standards, i just feel guilty. i don’t know how to deal with myself anymore.
yes, that was a lot to get out. but it’s something she has never gotten out before. of course there’s going to be a lot of hidden feelings about it. she didnt even know how much it was affecting her until she spoke about it.
asher: im sorry this is being placed on your shoulders. you don’t deserve that. it’s hard to walk in someone’s shadows all the time. 
and the words from fifth grade come back to maya. she thinks about what her mother said after she found the journal. no comforting, of course not.
‘you’re a good writer’
and she is, which is why she started her blog in the first place. but over the holidays, she’s lost motivation. that’s not okay. 
writing is the only think that makes maya feel like she’s worth it. so what will happen now that she’s lost the one thing that makes her happy?
maya: my mom read the journal one day, because i failed to hide it. instead of comforting me, she told me that i was a good writer. and i believed her. i started writing on a blog about things id like in life, something i hadn’t thought much about before. i love writing a lot. maya: but now it’s just so scary. i’ve lost all my motivation. i’ve lost my ability to do the one thing i love and now i feel worthless. i’m nothing without my writing, without my ideas.
then comes a sudden wave of sadness, something she’s never felt experienced before. not because of this.
asher only does his job, comforting her through this process. maya is grateful for him of course, he’s an amazing person. then, asher suggests something.
asher: maybe you could try writing as a way to get these feelings out? it helps to you to journal some things, in case you have no one else to tell.
and then it hits her. an idea. motivation.
asher gives her some resources, and she finally ends the chat about twenty minutes later. she opens her files, quickly checking the screenshots of her conversation with asher.
she thinks about what to write, what she should name it. and then she thinks about herself. who is she?
who is she to her family, her friends, the world? and then she figures it out. she’s the girl who will never be worth it.
she’s the girl that will never be good enough.
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despite-everything · 1 month
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i feel like every time i finally feel at peace about going no-contact with my mother something happens again that makes it sickening and one of the hardest things i've done.
i don't think i've ever burst into tears like this before. i dont even cry that often but im just really fucking going through it tonight. my mother texted me photos of the land she's bought down in central texas to build a ranch house on. when i was a kid, my grandparents had ranches. my grandmother was raised on one, too, and its gone back in our family. so i grew up on the ranch for holidays, long weekends, and portions of the summer. when my grandmother died and my parents divorced when i was a preteen, i went with my dad and my connection with that side of the family was almost severed because of my mothers tendency to spread lies and rumors which made me and my father unwelcome. a few years ago, the ranch became public property which is something im grateful for, but its weird to go back and visit, and i live nowhere near there anymore.
i basically went no-contact with my mother two years ago when she used my grandfather's death against me in a really terrible way. that was my grandfather who ranched. i long to be back in central texas. i feel so at home there. but im trans and unless i get one of a few very specific jobs (probably in austin) i wont go back and that breaks my fucking heart. my mother still texts me sometimes, and i havent blocked her because ive been informed of major family news from her even though i cant respond. she bought some land a few months ago and is building on the property and is going to move back to texas. she sent me update photos of the land tonight as well as a story about a beautiful coyote skeleton picked clean by buzzards on the property. i was the family member who collected bones from the ranch. i genuinely burst into tears when i saw the photos.
and then she followed up by talking about how she intends to build a small ranch house and a small guest house for friends and family to feel welcome and visit. and i just can't stop crying. that's all i've ever wanted. my grandparents had several ranches, but sold them. they asked every other person in the family if they'd be willing to take it over and manage it except for me - the one person who had always wanted to do that. but no one asked me and it was at a tumultuous time in my parents marriage so i didnt know until years later and too late. and theres almost no chance in hell i could ever afford property like that unless i inherit. and since all the ranches were sold and my grandparents are dead, i don't think that will ever happen to me. the ranch they lived on was The Ranch in the sense that it had a guest cabin and enough space for family to visit and at holidays there'd be 12-15 of us. i fucking miss that so much and theres no way to get it back and i know that but the fact that my mother is managing to re-create that same thing and i can't be part of it without hurting myself immensely is so sickening to me.
like i feel like im rambling and just sound stupid or ungrateful or something but its like ive been coming to terms with the fact that i'll never have an intact family again and im never going to have access to "home" unless i create one from scratch and i miss living in texas even with the bad parts and i miss the ranch and my family and this woman who has hurt me so fucking much suddenly gets to have this amazing life where she's becoming the new family matriarch and creating a place for everyone to gather and be happy hurts so so so much. im scared i will forgive her. ive cut her off then accepted her back before and it only made things worse. if i know whats good for me i'll stay away. but it's like the thing i've wanted more than anything else in the entire world is being dangled in front of me but if i accept it i might as well kill myself.
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worm-priest · 3 months
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Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!
Tagged by: @comflexing thank you so much, I love talking about myself <3
Name(s): Silver. Irl I use my legal name but I have very mixed feelings about it and in the recent years I learned I don't like using it.
Pronouns: I literally don't know. I use my assigned ones while I speak in polish but in english i just like whatever. I honestly like the idea of people adressing me however they want
Star Sign: virgo
# of Siblings & Fun Facts About Them (if you have any): I have an older brother and I feel like atp if you've talked with me or you've been reading my posts for some time you've heard about him. People sometimes think we're twins.
# of Pets: none :C but i really want to get a cat
Fandoms: Mostly kpop now - p1harmony, ateez and skz but I used to be pretty active in the my chemical romance fandom. I have a lot of fandoms I interract with here and there but I'm not super active in them. Some of these are the aftg series, The Secret History book, The "streamer" and "youtuber" Fundy
Favourite Colour: probably purple
Favourite Song: It used to be This is What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison and This is How I Disappear by MCR so I have to pay respect to them. My favorite now might be I Am You by P1harmony
Favorite Author: Donna Tartt
Hobbies: I love drawing and painting. I used to want to get into an art school but we didnt have any good ones here :( I also love reading and cooking/baking. I've been also really into taking care of plants and I have to stop propagating new ones
Favourite Holiday: to be honest I dislike holidays as a whole
Do You Have Any Partner(s)?: I don't and idk about the possibility of that. I'm not fully aromantic but my idea of what I'd allow in a relationship is so strict that I feel like I'd be restrictng my partner :/
Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: I study psychology and I'm also pretty interested in true crime stories. I give private english lessons and I'm considering being an english teacher in the future but I actually have no idea what I'd like to do
tagging: @1-800-angel-glow, @porcelaindolls-and-paperflowers
Obviously no pressure at all, if you don't want to participate!!!
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moss-sprouted · 4 months
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i hate christmas
i hate putting so much time and effort and care and money and love into other people just to get garbage without any thought for the things i like at all
and apparently its bad to just give money but at this point id take nothing over shit that isnt even fully thought through
its hard to feel cared about when people who are suppossed to care about and love me dont even know anything about me or anything i like and i have to explicitly ask and line out what i want otherwise ill get cheap uncomfortable tank tops i dont want
fuck even socks are a better gift but its not like anyone even thinks about me enough to think about that
every year my grandma has to return like half the presents she gets me cause she doesnt even consider what i want at all
and its MY money shes spending anyway so its just a waste
i hate how much time and energy i put into this stupid holiday and no one even fucking cares about me
everyone gets cool stuff from media they like or in a color they like or reminds the person of them and i know i cant even ask for anything like those things cause if its not easily shippable from amazon i cant have it
and im not even allowed to buy things for myself with my own money any other time of the year lest i get things thrown at me and screamed at for buying underwear or something let alone anything id even actually like or want
it sucks to watch people open present after present and youre sitting there with like 2 things you didnt ask for or need and 2 things you explicitly asked for but could have bought any other time of the year
i get it its not about receiving gifts and its the thought that counts but fuck im not even Thought of
im literally always an afterthought
its not even unique to christmas i cant even count how many times ive gotten just candy on my damn birthday
and its not even about money a meaningful card from someone is worth more to me than any of that but all i get from my family is a bag of tank tops you can see right through
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shoverse · 1 year
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merry christmas everyone!! from ur resident pretty boy sho <3 since everyone's doing it here's ur personalized message from me, cause everyone wants that, right? ...right? anyway, these will be in alphabetical order because i HATE. HATE scrolling through them until i find my @ so. making things hopefully easier for u <33 if ur not on here i probably. am scared u forgot who i was. and it would be awkward to tag u LMAOOO
ok! let's get started
@astrozuya luka ur my canon bsf frfr <33 i love u so much tho, u always listen whenever im venting or anything and i really treasure u sm, even we met like. two months ago <33
@avid-idiot NESSA I LOVE U SOSO MUCH. ur so sweet and u rlly make the effort to talk to/make friends with everyone and i really admire that about u <33
@effulgentfireflies ai! one of my only few chinese mutuals and u be reading all of my shitposts. love u though u have the stupidest remarks in the best way
@hearts4-robin robin!! ur rlly cool and i used to baby u sm and it was so sweet. the sex thing KILLED me tho. gl on boarding school!! ily and merry christmas/whatever u celebrate
@httpghostface neo <333 the loml omg ur personality is so chaotic and ur constantly trying to rizz people up its HILARIOUS. we used to be so close but. things happen ig. the conversations we have are so funny and i love them <3
@homoerotixxx u have the best shitposts, so unfiltered and its so funny. before u were on atlas made the BEST posts abt u (like that one time he texted u abt me and then u didnt believe i was real) and he still does tbh.
@kagayguri hey serenity :) we havent talked in so long but i always see u in my notifs. hope we can talk more in 2023, ur so sweet and have such a nice personality <3
@keijism maya! i haven't seen u on in a while but i hope my opinion on albums helped. ur so cool and i hope u know that <33
@k0dzu1 HEAVEN my bsf frfr ilysm <33 the sweetest and i really wish u the best. sometimes i just want to hug u so bad cause i see u have a lot of. tws and vent posts. ur so beautiful and i hope u can see that
@mango-soom soomie <33 u always make the effort to talk to me even i wouldn't talk to myself and u ask if i'm dead even if i'm just asleep. ur rlly sweet and even if we just met i treasure u a lot ok? ilysm <33
@ox1-lovesick savannah!! urgh we haven't talked in forever but ur HILARIOUS and i love ur themes smm theyre soo cool <33
@sapphicshav shav!! ur so cool and i LOVE ur writing ur rlly talented <3 we just talked less and less :/ let's talk more in 2023, yeah? love ya <33
AND TO EVERYONE ELSE:
merry christmas or anything u celebrate!! i'm sure ur amazing and i hope we can talk in 2023. happy holidays!!
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