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nataliesfirefly · 2 months

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You and I Walk a Fragile Line - Farleigh Start x F! Reader - Part 8

a/n: heyy loves! if you’ve stuck around for all 8 parts, thank you SOOO much. writing this series and receiving so many kind comments and love has really made the past month and a half so enjoyable. i cant believe i’m concluding my first fic already!! it’s been so fun and i definitely want to write more. shoutout to my friend @avessss who encouraged me to start posting even though i was really nervous. i couldn’t have done it without her 💕 but anyways enjoy the last chapter! not sure when i will post next but until then… message me, give suggestions, etc!! love you all SOO much 💌

word count: 4.6k words

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warnings: MDNI 18+, afab reader, smut, oral (reader receiving), p in v, making out, language, angst for like one second, FLUFF, mentions of alcohol, not proofread

“A pint, please. Thanks.” You smile at the bartender as you slide forward five pounds. You stand and wait patiently, leaning against the bar as he shuffles away to go fill up a tall glass of beer.

You hear your name being said from next to you. You turn to see a familiar girl with olive skin and long, silky black hair. Your brain takes a few seconds to compute who it is.

“Sasha! Hey,” You grin and she smiles brightly. “Hi. I didn’t know if it was you or not,” She chuckles and you stand there awkwardly, not sure of what to say.

“How’s life?” She asks. “Uhh, good. Can’t complain.” You shrug as the bartender slides you the beer across the counter. You take a sip as she nods.

“Same here. Just a little terrified of the fact that we are going to be seniors in a year,” She runs a hand through her hair with a sigh. “Me too, girl.” You nod in agreement.

“How was your summer?” Sasha asks. You let out a sigh unintentionally before fixing your facial expression.

“It was… good,” You nod slowly, almost trying to convince yourself. “I don’t know if you know but…There’s a rumor going around that you and Farleigh had somewhat of a summer fling,” She winces after she says this.

“Oh God,” You press a hand to your forehead and shake your head. “Who told you that?” You groan.

“I’m assuming it came from Felix. I’m not sure, but I just wanted to tell you…” She places a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. “If you ever need to talk or anything like that, let me know.” She says, her English accent soft and elegant.

She seems almost too nice. You’ve never seen Sasha like this, so it’s hard to believe.

“Thank you.” You dip your head and take another sip of beer. “I know I was never the nicest to you and we were never close, but I’m here for you.” Her hand falls from your shoulder gently.

“I think I was honestly just threatened by you,” She continues. You jerk your head towards her quickly and furrow your eyebrows.

“What? Why?” You scoff as if it’s absurd. “I always had this… gut feeling that he was in love with you or something. He would talk about you nonstop, about how much you annoyed him and how much he ‘hated you.’ I knew better,” She shakes her head.

“Oh. Shit. I’m sorry,” You feel bad, suddenly. Like you were the cause of their relationship problems.

“But that whole thing is over now,” You wave your hand dismissively. “He’s an asshole, isn’t he?” You both giggle at her words.

“He is. I can see why you broke up with him,” You nod, feeling no remorse for talking about Farleigh this way. It’s all true. But you also know Sasha had a lot to do with the shitty parts of their relationship.

“I’ll see you around, yeah?” She grins and holds up her hand, giving a tiny wave. “Yeah. See you,” You watch her walk away before turning back to your drink, grabbing it and heading to find an empty table.

You sigh, leaning down and fishing your textbook out of your bag. You still have four chapters to read before tomorrow. The first term of your junior year is kicking your ass, even though it’s only October.

Sooner or later, you see Felix walking through the entrance of the pub. You immediately crane your neck to search for any signs of Farleigh, since he usually follows Felix around. But thankfully, he’s not anywhere to be found.

You turn your attention back to your textbook, and when you glance back up, Felix is sitting across from you.

“Hey.” He smiles and you notice the cigarette between his fingers. “Hi. How are you?” You reply, not exactly in the mood to talk to him right now.

“Oh, you know. Just drowning in work,” He sighs and leans back in his chair, throwing his head back slightly.

“You and me both,” You chuckle lightly and close your textbook, knowing you won’t get anything read so long as Felix is here. He leans forward again and takes a drag from his cigarette.

“So…” He starts, trailing off. You raise your eyebrows. “So?”

“Are you and Farleigh ever going to make up?” He asks suddenly. You cough, surprised by the abrupt question.

“No.” You shake your head. “Don’t even try it, Felix.” You roll your eyes and he groans. “Please, we don’t even get to hang out much anymore because you’re avoiding him,” He whines.

“Then just… arrange a time to hang out with me when Farleigh isn’t there.” You grimace at the feeling of his name in your mouth. Felix facepalms. “C’mon. Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, but…”

“It sounds like you think you know what happened.” You narrow your eyes and he seems confused. “What?” He tilts his head.

“Lola told me you’re spreading rumors. Like, that Farleigh and I had some fling over the summer,” You explain, and he glances down like he’s been caught, before looking back up with amusement twinkling in his eyes.

“What, you thought no one would hear you two fucking at one in the morning? You guys were so loud, it’s like you wanted to be caught,” He chuckles and shakes his head. Your face burns beet red with embarrassment.

“I don’t judge you for it. I just didn’t expect it,” He says. “Okay, but that doesn’t mean you go telling everyone about it,” You reply.

“I didn’t mean to. I told one person in confidence.” Felix says. “You know you can’t trust these people to keep things to themselves,” You shake your head in disappointment.

“Okay, I’m sorry. But I think Farleigh really wants to talk to you.” He says, his tone persuasive and you immediately cringe.

“I’m not talking to him. Nothing will come of it,” You finish off your beer and set the glass on the table decisively.

“I just don’t want our friendship to be messed up because of this.” He says, sounding a bit sad. You look back up to him and see him glancing down at his lap.

“We’re good. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.” It comes off harsher than you meant it to, but Felix doesn’t seem to mind. “I can’t just forgive and forget, you know?”

He nods. “Yeah. Alright, then. Just consider talking to him. I’ll see you later, mate.” He drums his fingers on the table before standing up and walking to the bar. You sigh and decide to pack up your things after checking your watch and seeing the time. It’s getting late.

You stand up and grab your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. You walk out of the pub and down the cobbled streets while looking around and just observing the several groups of students, chatting loudly or laughing. The chilly autumn breeze tosses around crimson and golden leaves.

You go over your plans for the remainder of tonight in your head. You’re going to get back to your dorm, take a shower, then get the rest of your work done. That is, if you don’t procrastinate like you usually do.

You enter your dorm building and then stop in your tracks when you see him standing there, at the bottom of the stairs. It’s like you have a full body reaction to him standing in front of you, sending a chill down your spine and making your stomach churn. He doesn’t speak, he just stares at you. You step forward, walking up the stairs and completely ignoring him. “Can we please talk?” Farleigh calls your name.

“No, we can’t.” You respond, your tone harsh and bitter. You hear footsteps coming up the stairs behind you and you increase your pace, trying to get to your door and unlock it before he can catch up to you. But it’s no use, he’s already standing there behind you.

“Please. Just let me talk to you,” He begs. You shake your head. “Farleigh, I already know how this is going to go. You don’t talk.” You can’t even stand to look at him, even addressing him is difficult after all these months of not speaking.

“I’m going to talk. I swear. Please,” He pleads. “Fine,” You groan with exasperation as you unlock your door, although you’re sort of curious as to what he’s going to say.

He closes the door behind him and you go to sit on the edge of your bed after setting your things down and kicking off your shoes, looking at him expectantly. “Okay, talk.”

“I’m sorry. For everything.” Farleigh says, and it surprisingly sounds sincere. “I’m sorry for being a dick to you all these years. And those things I said at Saltburn, I didn’t mean any of it.” His voice is quiet and he looks down at the ground as he speaks. You blink a few times and take a moment to respond.

“Why would you say those things if you never meant them?” You ask, your own voice timid as you remember all the harsh and cruel words he said to you that one night.

“Did you mean it when you said you hated me and you wished we never met?” He fires back. You bite the inside of your cheek and avoid his gaze as regret washes over you. “...I never said–”

“Yes you did.” It’s silent and the tension in the air is palpable. It seems like you’re both waiting for who is going to speak next, but you aren’t exactly sure what to say.

“I just don’t understand why you’re so eager to apologize when you’ve literally hated me since the day we first met,” You chuckle sarcastically and shake your head. He falls silent, and when you glance back up to him, he looks nervous, like something’s on the tip of his tongue.

“That’s not… exactly true.” He mutters. “I never hated you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you. That night at Saltburn, when Felix introduced us to each other. I saw you and I just felt… Something just came over me. I’d never felt it before. I mean, I was so captivated by you. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was thinking about you every second. And I was scared. I was so scared. So I was mean to you.”

He lets out a breath after his confession and you stare at him in disbelief. You’re barely processing anything he’s saying. Is this real? You feel like you should pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming.

“And Felix never kept his friends around for long, so I knew I couldn’t get attached to you. I thought you were just passing by and that I would never see you again. But when you came back the next summer, then the next, and then you got into Oxford, I knew I was fucked.

“I just kept pushing my feelings down and instead of dealing with them, I was just… a bitch. I was trying to push you away and I was hoping that would get rid of my feelings. But it didn’t. And I regret it so, so much. I wasted all this time and I was being so stupid. I was just scared of love. I was scared of loving you.”

You feel tears welling up in your eyes and you can hear your heart pounding in your chest. You swear you can see tears in his own eyes.

“What about Sasha?” You ask when you finally gather yourself. “Really? You don’t know why I dated Sasha?” He chuckles a bit like it should be obvious. You shake your head no.

“I just needed someone to distract me. I got with all those people to fill the void. I mean, Sasha and I’s relationship was purely based off of sex. And every single time, I pictured that it was you instead of Sasha. I would close my eyes and imagine it was you. I think that was the only way I was able to get off,” He laughs. Your eyes widen at his words and your stomach flips. So that was why he was always moaning like a bitch?

“So when we finally… I freaked out. It was getting too real, and so I pushed you away again. And I said some shitty things.” You blink and a few tears fall. You don’t even know how to describe how you’re feeling right now. So many emotions are building inside of you, and they’re so dense and heavy, you’re not sure how to comprehend them.

“I’m so, so fucking sorry.” Farleigh seems to notice that you’re crying. “You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m a fucking idiot,”

Before you know it you’re off of your bed, crashing into him and sobbing against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, locking you in a tight embrace and enveloping you in his warmth. Your shoulders shake as you feel all the emotions pouring out of you. He holds you like he’s never going to let go. You don’t want him to let go. Ever.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispers your name into your hair. “I’ll never do that to you again.” He continues muttering these things to you as you let him hold you, melting into the hug.

You look up at him and his brown eyes are illuminated with affection. Something about him is different. He’s softer, unlike his usual cold and teasing personality.

He gently moves some hair out of your face and kisses your forehead, causing you to blush and smile softly.

“Why did we waste so much time when we could have been together?” You ask timidly, more of a rhetorical question. He sighs and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Cause we’re stupid,” He chuckles and you let out a quiet laugh. “It doesn’t matter now. We have the rest of our lives to make up for it,” He grins down at you and you smile against his hand that cups your face. He leans down and you tilt your head up to meet his lips. The kiss you share is slow and sensual, like you’re both trying to savor each other for as long as possible, like you’re making up for all those years of fabricated hatred. You can’t deny that you missed his lips and the way that he kisses, the way his tongue licks into your mouth. He pulls away after a minute.

“But I still feel like I need to make it up to you,” Farleigh’s expression changes and his voice lowers to that familiar deep and gravelly sound. You can see the lust in his eyes and you feel butterflies swarming in your stomach.

“What should I do for you, baby?” His hands snake down to your hips as he lowers himself slowly to the ground until he’s on his knees. Your heart races and you feel chills racing across your skin.

He looks up at you and you swear your knees almost give out from underneath you just at the sight. “Far..” You giggle shyly and feel your face burn red.

His fingers fiddle with the waistband of your skirt, almost teasing you and waiting until you ask him to take it off. But after a moment he’s pulling it down gently, and you step out of it gingerly and nudge it to the side with your foot.

He groans and his hands roam up and down your thighs. “You’re so perfect,” He mumbles as he hooks your lace panties under his fingers and pulls them down as well, almost hurriedly this time like he’s just that eager to eat you out until you’re sobbing for him.

Without any warning or time to prepare, his mouth is already on you, tasting you passionately with his tongue and moaning, the vibrations going straight to your core.

You moan breathlessly, your hand reaching down to tangle in his curly hair for something to ground you, and he seems to like this. He keeps letting out these small, needy whines like he’s the one getting devoured.

Every swirl and flick of his tongue has you whimpering like you’re in pain, your legs feeling unstable and weak. He sucks on your clit and you feel two of his fingers already inching their way inside, curling inside of you deliciously. It’s all too much and your breath has turned into short, high-pitched, desperate huffs.

“Please- Shit, Farleigh,” The third finger he inserts draws a long moan out of you. You don’t care if your neighbors hear you. You’re too lost in the pleasure that he’s giving you, with no drawbacks or regret looming in the future. When you think about how he just confessed his love for you, it only brings you closer to the edge of your beautiful release.

He laps up your slick, his tongue getting dangerously close to your entrance. You gasp for air as his fingers leave, only to be replaced by his tongue. You whine at the new feeling of his tongue deep inside of you, his thumb circling your clit. You feel your climax approaching, threatening to make you crumble and beg for mercy.

A deep and guttural groan leaves him as he continues fucking you with his tongue. “Far, I’m close-“ Your hand twists in his hair and you roll your hips against his face absentmindedly, almost like you’re stuck in a trance.

His tongue slips out of you, his nose nudging against your clit. Then, you’re gone. You feel like you’re floating, like you’re the only two people in the world right now, all your thoughts disappearing as that divine ecstasy shoots through your veins and melts your muscles and your bones.

He stands back up and takes you into his strong arms, cradling you as he brings you over to your bed, with occasional kisses along the way. You both pull away to tear off your clothes. You hurriedly pull off your sweater and your bra and toss them aside, hearing them land somewhere on the floor. Farleigh takes his own shirt off and his jeans, revealing that beautiful body you’ve subconsciously been dreaming of.

“Lay down,” You tell him with some sort of newfound confidence. You’ve never been on top before, but right now you want to pay him back and give him all that you have to offer.

“Mmm,” He hums in response, laying down on your small, twin-sized bed. You climb onto the bed and straddle him, feeling slightly nervous as his hands rest on your hips. You keep your hands on his chest as you grind your hips down onto him, feeling the form of him through his boxers.

He’s rock hard, and it only encourages you to continue to grind against him, rolling your hips smoothly and slowly. He whimpers and grips your hips harder, biting his lip. “Fuck, baby,” He moans, his hips bucking up slightly to meet yours.

You can’t wait anymore. You reach down and maintain eye contact as you slowly pull down his boxers, shuffling them down his legs.

It’s definitely intimidating, but you’re determined to ride him. He looks up at you. “Is this okay?” He asks, his hands returning to your hips. You nod. “Yeah,” You reply before rising up on your knees and adjusting yourself before sinking down onto him.

You wince at the delicious pain as your teeth sink into the plush of your bottom lip, his hands guiding you further down his length. A string of curses leave his lips once his whole cock is inside of you. He definitely missed this.

You place your hands on his chest again as you begin to drag your hips back and forth. He whimpers and whispers your name like a prayer. “That’s it, fuck-“ His grasp on your hips tighten and you can already guess that you’ll have bruises.

You rock your hips back and forth, creating a better pace for the two of you as he thrusts up into you. That pained look crosses his face again as you make eye contact. You’re completely enthralled by the sight of each other, a sheen of sweat forming on both of your foreheads. Your head falls back once you finally find the perfect angle that brings you such satisfaction, your jaw going slack. “Baby,” He begs, breathing heavily.

You feel yourself growing tired from the fast rhythm, and you slow down, still circling your hips on top of him. He seems to sense that you’re growing fatigued, so he flips the two of you over, switching your places. You’re dizzy and caught off guard, but you focus on his eyes as he takes over, slowly thrusting into you with long strokes.

Farleigh reaches down to grab your hand, intertwining your fingers together and holding on tightly. He lowers his head to pepper kisses across your forehead, your nose, your cheeks. He brushes some hair out of your face.

“I love you,” He mutters, his nose rubbing against yours. Your eyes widen at his words and your heart skips a beat. You squeeze his hand weakly and grin.

“I love you too,” You whisper back, feeling tears brimming in your eyes. “I love you so much,” You tell him, and he lets his head fall into the crook of your neck as he moans desperately, his thrusts faltering. Your other hand rests on the top of his head, stroking his curls. You both finish at the same time, whispering each other’s names and more confessions of love. It’s meaningful, beautiful, and sweet. Something you’ve craved but never experienced. That is, until now.

He collapses next to you and eventually pulls out of you, causing you to grunt just a bit. You lay there, your legs entangled with his and his arms around you protectively. He pulls the sheets over the two of you and continues to kiss you slowly with so much passion and affection.

Farleigh pulls away and swipes the tears off your cheeks, his gaze never leaving yours. You take his hand in yours once again and press your forehead against his.

“I could get used to this,” You whisper with a cheeky grin. He laughs softly. “Really?” He responds sarcastically, raising his eyebrows.

“Really.” You giggle quietly and he presses another kiss to your cheek. “I would consider spending the rest of my life with you,” He shrugs nonchalantly and you can’t seem to stop smiling. You don’t think you’ve ever been this happy in your life.

“You’d consider it? Woah, thanks,” You say with fake awe, gasping. “I’ve been considering it for a while, actually,” He mutters, running his fingers through your hair. “Have you?” You whisper, suddenly feeling sleepy. Everytime he holds you like this, it puts you right to sleep. You feel so safe and loved in his arms.

“Mhm.” His other hand rests on the small of your back and you feel your eyelids growing heavy. “I love you, Farleigh,” You whisper. “I love you too.” He replies, and with that, you drift off to sleep, with no cares or worries in the world, now that you’ve finally solved your problems with Farleigh. You’re so glad you gave him a second chance.

The next morning you wake up to Farleigh pulling you closer to him, nuzzling his head in your chest and groaning. You yawn and glance over to your bedside table, checking the time on your alarm clock. 9:42 AM.

Shit. You forgot about your class. It started at 9:30. Oh well. You groan and let your head fall back onto the pillow, rubbing your forehead.You pat Farleigh’s head, his curls sticking out at awkward angles but still managing to look cute.

You shiver and reach down to pull the duvet over yourself. He stirs at your movement and eventually, his dark brown eyes open.

A grin immediately appears on his face as he looks at you, taking in your appearance. Thank God you hadn’t worn makeup the day before. You were in your natural state, besides the messy hair. He traces his finger along your jawline and you smile, tilting your head.

“Good morning,” He wraps you up in his arms again, desperate to be close to you. His voice is deep and raspy. You’ll never get tired of his morning voice.

“Morning,” You reply, snuggling up to him and breathing in his scent. He kisses the top of your head and rubs your back soothingly.

“Do you know how many times I’ve dreamt about waking up next to you?” Farleigh asks. You giggle quietly. “Well, your wish came true,” You reply with a quick raise of your brows.

Suddenly, you remember what Lola said that one night at Saltburn as you think about you and Farleigh’s relationship over the years.

“Lola told me something a few months ago,” You start. “Mmm, and what was that?” He responds.

You inhale slowly. “She said that you were looking for me one morning and you came by our dorm, and you seemed very worried about me,” You smile at the thought, knowing what you know now.

“Oh. Yeah, I remember that. I was always worried sick about you. Whether you got home after a night out, if you drank too much, if some guy took advantage of you…” He trails off and sighs.

“Really?!” You ask, gazing up at him in shock. “You’re so confusing,” You let out a breathy laugh and shake your head.

“Do you remember our first night at Oxford? The very first party we went to?” He asks. You nod. He fiddles with a strand of your hair.

“After our little… argument, I stayed away from you the rest of the night. But then it was getting late, and I couldn’t find you, and I didn’t know if you knew the way back to your dorm. When I went into the bathroom I found you passed out on the floor. Black out drunk.” He explains, his voice soft.

“Anyone could have found you, or taken advantage of you. So I picked you up and carried you back to your dorm and tucked you into your bed.” Your eyes widen as your brain registers his words. Lola never told you about that.

“And when we were talking that night on the steps outside at Saltburn when we couldn’t sleep, the first summer you were there, you fell asleep on my shoulder. So I carried you up to your room.”

It’s silent for a minute as you process this. Was it a common theme for Farleigh to carry you to your bed when you were passed out?

“I never knew you cared that much.” You whisper, reaching up to play with one of his curls. “I don’t think I knew, either.” He mumbles.

You kiss him, slowly and gently, smiling against his lips. He grins, breaking the kiss, before holding the back of your head and guiding you back to him.

And you really believe that in this moment, you could die happy. You want to spend the rest of your life with him. The hot August nights, the freezing December mornings, the summer days under cerulean skies. The good days and the bad days. You can’t even remember how it felt to hate Farleigh. Every single trace of dislike for him is gone, erased completely from your heart. All that’s left is a love too strong to comprehend.

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#farleigh start #saltburn #farleigh start x reader #farleigh x reader #farleigh x you #farleigh saltburn #farleigh smut #Spotify

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spacexseven · 1 year

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tunaaaaa I've been reading ur Childe Thing sooo much that I've been thinking of I Love Amy aus nonstop. its a problem. in honor of bsd s4 im gonna rapid fire a couple out for the Bsd Boys!

lets talk dazai. I feel like this could go a lot of ways with him. like, if its ada dazai, you probably don't really get the sense that something is kinda off with him until you're a bit too deep to back out. he seemed so sweet when you first met- fuckin weird, but sweet! no harm in trying to help him win over a crush, right? for pm dazai, you obviously know hes fucked in the head the second you meet him, so you agree to help him out of a fear of what he might do to you if you dont rather than a sense of altruism. either way, its kinda hard to notice him getting a little overly-attached to you just cuz of how naturally obnoxious and clingy he is. even if he starts to escalate you might not get it cuz hes pretty fast and loose about LITERALLY kidnapping you and tying you up in his apartment/mafia holding cell right off the bat (gets very pouty about you "ignoring" him). doesnt help that hes so out of touch with his own emotions he probably doesn't even know he has a thing for you for a whiiile. trust me tho, being nice to him and taking care of him when hes sick or injured WILL wear him down. you'll only kind of get it when you try to give him some new pointers on his crush and he seems to just get? annoyed? mutters something about you talking about someone else while you're SUPPOSED to pay attention to HIM. or when he keeps being weirdly affectionate with you in full view of X when hed usually forget you exist as soon as he sees them. or you woke up chained to a chair (again) but this time hes perched in your lap and scolding you about avoiding your "boyfriend" before shoving his lips against yours. couldve been any of these occasions really.

cant BELIEVE I didn't think of gogol the first time I talked about this this is almost EXACTLY what yes doing to sigma rn. when this fuckin 6'2 clown terrorist traps you against a wall and starts questioning about why you were talking to "his darling", you are 10000% sure you're gonna die. almost gives you whiplash how fast his tone changes once you convince him you have NO interest. all smiles all of the sudden, picks u up under the armpits like a cat to right ur posture and pats you on the head, declaring that you will be his magicians assistant for a while! you do not have a say in this, if you'd like to keep your skin. while you feel bad about aiding and abetting this stalking case, you get the sense that hes. not ever gonna actually make a move. kinda just Wants To Stalk. goes on about how he cant let himself be tied down like that (whatever that means). he does talk about just murdering his darling a lot but you've managed to convince him that thats unnecessary baggage connecting them to him so hopefully that keeps him sated until his goldfish-esque attention span finally moves him onto a new target. and it does! the problem is that its you. I think that once he realizes he likes you, he's just gonna vanish. poof gone. hes had a lot of fleeting obsessions with ill-fated darlings before, but youre something new. hes never actually gotten to know someone before! ugh. hes caged by his feelings for you, but the despair hed feel from killing you would be a cage all its own! frustrating!!!!! maybe if he just leaves and never thinks about you ever again this'll just go away like all of his other crushes. doesnt work. expect him back in a month, snuggling into your neck and babbling inane about having missed you. he tied you up again so youre just gonna have to let him do that. its fine youre used to this with him.

really wanted to do this with chuuya and fyodor too but im scared of them being OOC help me.

- 🩹

omg so this turned out to be Very Long :O quick context for any1 who is unfamiliar w i love amy—it's a webtoon (highly recommend btw) where the yandere character starts to fall for her 'target/rival' instead of her initial love interest. for more info + the childe version, check out this post.

cw: yandere characters (dazai, fyodor, nikolai), stalking, kidnapping, imprisonment, obsessive behavior, threats of violence to reader. (this whole post came off a little silly instead of serious But mind the cws anyway!)

this is best read with a male reader (to keep it consistent w i love amy) but there's no pronouns used or descriptions for reader, so do as you like. also, reader makes morally questionable decisions :>

(pm) dazai is to be avoided at all costs. that was the rule you put down for yourself after witnessing one of his very public threats to some poor pedestrian who had bumped into him. the dramatic coat, the blank expression, the natural ease with which he handled the weapon in his hand—everything about him was just...alarming.

however, despite all your efforts, he's obstructed your path home with a deadly glare and a hand in his pocket.

according to dazai, he did not appreciate your recent conversation with X, (as he claimed, they were too popular to spare most people more than a few friendly greetings—so why were you having a full-fledged conversation with them?) who were you, even, to get in his way? you sputter out some excuse, some explanation as to why he misunderstood the situation and it was all just work-related, and fortunately, he seems convinced, at least enough to relax his hold on you and shift the blaring malice in his stance to something less frightening.

obviously, you couldn't refuse when he offers you what he calls a mutually beneficial proposition. you help him get closer to X, and he won't kill you! win-win, don't you think?

the thing about dazai, you soon learn, is that despite the murderous energy he gives off, he's painfully annoying, more so than frightening. it almost feels like you're dealing with an obnoxious child, with how he's constantly whining and tugging at your sleeve and complaining about how useless you're being.

and it also makes you wonder if he's ever really had a friend, because he's got some strange expectations for you. he's all too possessive, too paranoid, and expects you to be perfectly fine with it. you consider telling him that he's not supposed to hold you hostage every time he thinks you're spending "too much time with someone else", but after the 4th attempt, you've understood that there was no getting to him. at least he stopped with the threats to your other friends (well, he promised you that he'd stop), and that seemed like the only thing he was willing to compromise on. he doesn't ease up on the breaking-into-your-room-to-visit-you stunt, either, especially when you're "ignoring him". despite all that, maybe out of some form of pity, you still help him out. you drop off food when he's sick and try to explain that imprisonment is not the key to a healthy relationship. you hang out with him even if you're terrified of all the mafioso you come across when you visit the hq with him, and after all of it, you're mostly convinced that he wasn't going to kill you anytime soon. in fact, the two of you seemed to be building an unusual friendship.

but when he comes to visit you one day when you're sick and actually knocks on the door and texts you beforehand, you tell him that this would be the best way to approach X if he ever hears that they're sick. though you're expecting some excitement, or some self-satisfaction for improving a little, instead of looking excited, dazai looks frustrated. for the first time, he looks genuinely...upset. and when he asks you why you can't appreciate that he was looking out for you and not X, you're left at a loss for words. you're not sure if this was a sign that he was starting to learn not to cross your boundaries or a warning that he was beginning to like you a little too much

and things only get stranger. he becomes more observant, asks you more questions about yourself rather than X, and even starts holding your hand in full view of X. when you mention that X was really looking forward to a new movie coming out and that he should try to ask them out, he gets upset by your suggestion, grumbling about you paying more attention to X and only caring about them instead of asking him if he wants to see the movie with them. so, unsure of how to respond, you echo his question. he beams at you and happily declares that he only wants to watch the movie with you.

somewhere along the line, it happened that dazai himself started to realize just how much he liked you, and he spirals out of control. the already overwhelming physical contact turns more intimate, with dazai holding your hand at every possible moment, pressing himself as close to you as humanely possible without squeezing the air out of you, and sitting on your lap whenever the opportunity presents itself. he stops responding to anything that isn't an endearing pet name and introduces himself as your boyfriend. X seems to be eradicated from his mind, as well as anyone that wasn't you, though it feels as though you're the only one that has a problem with this change. dazai takes to it naturally, seamlessly inserting himself into your life.

"what's wrong?" dazai's sprawled across your lap with the biggest grin on his face, the remote in your hand long ripped away by him, "come give your boyfriend a kiss~"

you've...heard of fyodor. it was more overhearing whispers shared between people, but the mention of his name seemed to intrigue everyone who heard it. you've heard that he was a mysterious man who walked into the city one day and never left, and you've heard that he was the owner of an expensive casino. you've even heard that he had a tendency to stand on top of rooftops at night, but you've heard tons of variations and rumors. one statement, however, rang true in everyone's ears.

fyodor dostoevsky was taken with X.

that was putting it lightly—obsession was exactly what it was. though X was clearly unaware of what was being said, because, as they assured you one day while you walked out with them, fyodor was just a friend! and he was a very interesting guy, with some strong beliefs. he wasn't some criminal mastermind! all he did was keep to himself. and that, as they confidently declared, wasn't a crime.

but you had reason to not believe X, after all, it wasn't them at the receiving end of a laser focused gaze and a creepy smile. (it scared you so much that you ran home and ordered a burglar-proof lock for your door the same night) and it also wasn't them who sat down across from you while you were having your breakfast in the café nearby. anyone would have been better than who it was.

"hello," fyodor waves a fork at you, his fingers positioned gracefully on the silver cutlery (and of course, you think bitterly, he was evil and beautiful. just your luck), "i hope you can spare me a few minutes."

he wasn't asking, but you melted at his soft tone. for all people loved to talk about him, why hadn't they mentioned how hard it was to take your eyes off him? awkwardly, you take another bite of your food, nodding at him.

he asks you about X, though it's more of an interrogation disguised as casual conversation. he easily waves around his fork, smiles at you with an unnerving expression, and stares at you a little too long. by the end of it, your food is finished and his fork is placed neatly back onto the table and you've sustained no injuries. better yet, he finally seems to have (reluctantly) removed your name from his hit list.

what you weren't expecting was for him to start seeking you out. you get strange looks when fyodor waits outside your workplace with an umbrella—your umbrella—leaving you with no choice but to walk with him unless you wanted to get home soaked. he lists off X's habit and asks you to add on to his list, ignoring your reply of "that's just creepy". he tells you that he wants to respect X's privacy by not using cameras to spy on them so will you answer him or should he use the cameras? and what else could you do then?

at the very least, he didn't seem serious about attempting to kidnap or imprison X. he seemed fascinated by them, if anything. like he was...studying them. being with him wasn't as bad as you'd though, no matter how much you hated to admit it, despite the foundation of this friendship was built on how amusing he found X. if he was in a particularly good mood, he'd even offer to help you out with your struggles in the pursuit of love. his ideas, however, were all sure to land you behind bars with a retraining order to boot. when you voiced your opinion to him, he only smiled and told you that he knew a thing or two about breaking out of a prison cell, much like he was recalling upon a fond memory.

the only good thing about this strange arrangement was that fyodor was really nice to look at. there was something mesmerizing about his every action, even the slight quirk of his lips or the way his hair fell on his forehead. the ease with which he slipped on his hat (which, by the way, what was with all his not-weather-appropriate clothing? was he not sweating?), and the commanding air around him. so while he spoke seriously about X and his distaste for most of the human population, you tuned him out and focused on admiring his pretty eyes and how his lips wrapped around his fork and—ugh, you were starting to sound as creepy as him. but honestly, you had a feeling he already knew that you found him attractive. fyodor was far too good at reading people, far too perceptive to let something as obvious as your attraction to him slip.

your mistake was foolishly believing that you'd be safe as long as you didn't act on those feelings.

it felt strange, however, when he started reaching your usual table first, having already asked for your go-to meal and watching with thinly veiled delight as you stared down at the hot plate. and it's your coworkers now that get stared at, your friends who get the silent threat of a fork pressed against smooth skin, and you that everyone whispers that fyodor dostoevsky is taken with.

the meaning behind his increasingly strange behaviour doesn't really hit you, not until you've bumped into X again, who you haven't seen around in a while.

"i see that you and fyodor are becoming good friends now," they grin, "i'm almost jealous of how quickly you warmed up to him."

long fingers reach to caress your cheek before a perfectly poised hand places itself on your shoulder. fyodor's unmistakable voice replies in your stead.

"we're friends? is that what you've heard?" fyodor dips his head down to lock eyes with yours, "why don't you correct them about that, darling?"

you should have trusted sigma when he told you that nikolai gogol was bad news. as he clarified, so bad that, coincidentally, the ministry of justice hq was moved away at least by two states when nikolai came to visit.

but how were you to know that he was in love with one of your acquaintances? and how were you to know that his idea of love was this frightening? just when you were making your way back after a lukewarm conversation about work with X, you were slammed up against the wall by a person with a top hat and a coat and an honestly terrifying expression. then nikolai, as he later introduced himself, started grilling you with questions, ruthlessly asking about why you were with X and why did they smile at you and where does your family live, after which he happily told you about his many previous experiences with torture and how he would love to show you.

you're not sure what convinced him to let you go, whether it was your trembling legs or your teary promises that you had no interest in X in that way, but here you were now—alive, terrified, and offered the position of 'magician's assistant' (though the magician himself refused to tell you why the position was open for so long) and all it took to land the increasingly strange job was to talk to X and listen to nikolai threaten to torture you in graphic detail.

(among all the crazy people you had seen around here—that so-called 'world's best detective' who snatched your bag of candy right from your hands, that other person who started doing push-ups in the middle of the road, and someone giggling holding a bag of lemons by the port—you thought that nikolai definitely fit right in. not that you were going to tell him that)

while the position wasn't exactly what you wanted, nor were you too keen on spending more time around nikolai, something about the glint in his uncovered eye and the hand gripping your shoulder told you that you really wouldn't want to reject his offer. contrary to what you may have assumed, assisting nikolai only meant becoming a partner to his criminal activity, which revolved around stalking X, talking to them to find out all the information nikolai can't get by stalking them, and stalking them even more to find out any more details that neither of you could get. (you've considered helping out as much as you can, leaving hints in the form of obscure drawings of nikolai and danger symbols, but later, when you catch sight of X waving to him, you realize the message did not come across the way you intended it to)

fortunately for them, (and for you. at least now, you won't be behind bars for assisting in abduction) nikolai seems to have no interest whatsoever in pursuing them any further. sure, he keeps books filled with information about X, and buys their favorite drink alongside his order, but he doesn't seem to want to do anything more.

while you could care less about why he does whatever he's doing, already chalking it all up to the fact that he was off his rockers, nikolai decides to enlighten you all the same. when he excitedly rambles on and on about freedom and feelings and why X must now die, you pretend to listen, never actually telling him that nothing he said made any sense to you. still, after insisting that he won't be very free behind bars either and that if he really didn't want to be tied down by his feelings, he should actually distance himself from them instead, it appeared that you finally got him to understand, and he hesitantly agreed to listen.

for the most part, everything is great after that. your life returns to normal, with no top hat wearing, cane wielding magician in the vicinity, and no more having to invade someone's privacy. and it was great! really! even if it was a little bit boring without nikolai's spontaneous plans (maybe that time in the amusement park was pretty fun, even if the only reason you had to go was because X was going there with someone else, much to nikolai's horror). there was something both unsettling and addictive about the crazy adventures nikolai swept you on, though it was for the best that he disappeared.

but then nikolai came back…acting a little odd.

his clinginess and a sudden desire for physical affection set off alarms in your head, though he acted like this was perfectly normal. at first, you told yourself that this must be some new jealousy plot—maybe he got this idea from a tv show he watched over his 'break', but he hadn't asked you if you wanted to be part of this ploy (not that he ever did, really).

and your suspicions only grew when he refused to let up on the act, holding onto you as if his life depended on it. his trips with you became increasingly frightening, and his grip on you increasingly tighter. he takes his new position by your side, not at all focused on X anymore, and instead observes you with the same look that was fixated on X not too long ago.

it only hits you that you've become his new target when you find yourself tied up to a chair, with him seated right in front of you with his face up to yours. the exact scenario you convinced him not to put X through.

"your advice sucks, by the way," he pouts, "i tried staying away but i couldn't stop thinking of you! don't be too upset, alright? we can have even more fun now that we're together!"

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dwntwn-strnlo · 10 months

Note

can i get friends to lovers w chris 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 maybe inspired by the song fearless if possible (i love your work btw 💗💗💗)

thank you so much! aint even gonna lie i forgot you requested a song until i was like halfway through the fic but ill 100% write a fic inspired by fearless! love you! 🩷🫶

HERE chris sturniolo

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. not me crying 😝 but this is sooo me and crush #1 fr

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. christopher sturniolo x reader

↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. request!

↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes!

WE BACK BABYYYY

everyone had started catching on to it. the way you and chris always were together, always finding excuses to 'accidentally' touch each other, always in your own conversations, it would be hard not to notice.

you've just never acted on it out of pure fear that chris doesn't see you like that. and those few words of affection could ruin your relationship as quick as you said them.

so ultimately hiding your out of control feelings, you slowly grew quiet the longer the school year went on. you believed that your love would eventually disintegrate. but it unknowingly just hurt you more and more each passing day.

it just never crossed your mind that other people would notice how hurt you seemed, especially chris.

"hey- y/n?"

chris' voice scared you. you had been scrolling mindlessly on tiktok, completely spacing that you were in the triplets living room.

"hm?" you hum, turning to look at the boy.

the look of panic in his eyes was unsettling, "are you alright?" he asks, setting his phone face down on the table beside him. clearly adverting all of his attention to you, and only you.

you furrow your eyebrows, also turning your phone to the rough fabric of the couch. "what do you mean?"

he shrugs, diverting his eyes for a second. thinking of what words he wants out in the air. "i said your name three or four times before actually getting to you." you cant help but notice the linger of a frown against his eyes. he hid the emotion well on his lips, but probably didn't think about the rest of his manner; and how much it radiated unto you.

"you just seem really out of it and that worries me." chris looks back to you, his eyes desperately searching yours.

"oh," you mumble. not meaning to let your voice drop as much as it does. sitting just above a whisper. "sorry, i'm just a little lost these days." you laugh lightly, but frown when chris' contagious laugh doesn't intertwine with yours.

he looks down at his shoes, before sighing, actually letting his frown peak through this time. you watch hesitantly as he scoots over to sit next to you.

its hard to hold back your slight change in breathing when your hands are lifted up and twisted in to his. you have no idea what he's going to say or even do because neither of you are really good at communicating hard feelings to each other, let alone yourselves.

"yeah? talk to me." a comforting smile creeps up against his lips, trying to give you all the assurance he possibly could. cocking his head ever so slightly to the side, he mutters a sweet; "let me help you figure this out," as he rubs the back of your hand with his thumb.

you want to laugh right in his face. how could you talk to chris about chris?

"i'm fine," you say, smiling at the boy. but its obvious in the fact that he doesn't believe you. his thumb stops in its place, and his previous ghost of a smile disappears.

he furrows his brows, "i don't understand why you're lying to me."

that hurt. you don't want to lie to chris, but its your only alible option right now. saying your okay and pushing him away seems like a way easier path than letting yourself fall loose and telling your best friend how you were unconditionally, and irrevocably in love with him.

"i'm not-"

"stop." he sighs, quickly cutting you off. "just talk to me, kid. i don't get why you don't trust me."

a sad laugh escapes your lungs as you turn your head, looking away from chris. "i do trust you. its not that." it hurt lying to chris like this, if confessing was so simple, you would've done it already and you wouldn't be in this situation. but its not. its really really hard.

chris audibly sucks in a breath, squeezing your hands. "then what is it?" his voice is honestly heartbreaking. anxiety rippling through his gentle tone as he tries to figure out how to help you. "you know you can tell me anything."

"i'm always here for you." he mumbles.

little did you know those were the five words you needed the most. your reaction was slow but you couldn't help but notice the prickle in your eyes. dangerous waves of tears ready to fall and stain your cheeks.

dropping your head onto christopher's shoulder, you were ready to just sob. you wanted nothing more than to cry in his arms, let it all out. but you weren't ready to let your guard down.

his arms snake around your torso, pulling you close to his chest as his hands gently rub your back. "its alright. let it out." he whispered against your neck.

"chris. . . ?" your breath is shaky, but you know what you want to do. building up as much confidence as possible, you replay the same words in your head over and over until they spill out.

he hums, silently signaling for you to continue.

"would it be crazy to say i love you?"

chris stops running his hands up and down your spine. this action immediately puts warning signs in your head. you immediately resorted to the idea that he doesn't feel the same way. you put in all this effort and he doesn't think of you the way you thought of him for so many years.

surprised to feel his grip on you tighten, he shakes his head. "well call me crazy, because i love you too."

suddenly you let out a choked back sob. burrying your face into his shoulder. you shouldve stopped crying, your just confusing yourself as much as your probably confusing chris.

his lips press lightly against the side of your head. "i love you so much."

"i love you chris." you mumble, trying to hold back your tears.

"your okay. . . ." he whispers, "i'm right here."

a/n TWO; did anyone catch that twilight reference

TAGLIST

@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @p1harmonydelulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic @20nugs

#christopher sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #anonymous!#ask #request

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neteyam-444 · 1 year

Text

I’ll Make You Feel Better Than He Ever Could

Warnings: Reader cheated on, Cheating reader, wishing death on character, Angst/SMUT, MENTIONS OF SPOILER,

Characters: CheaterNeteyam x Reader/ Aonung x CheaterReader???

Summary: You and Neteyam have been together for about a year. It isn’t until you walk into an empty māori you see him and another metkayina girl groping and making out. You run to your best friend for comfort but it goes further than expected.

•.•.•.

You and Neteyam had been dating for about 1 year after the sullys arrived at your village dealing uturu. You fell in-love with Neteyam at first sight. You along with your childhood best friend Aonung, Rotxo, and Tsireya help the sullys adapt to the way of water along with their swimming and breathing. Those months helping Neteyam, you two couldn’t help but fall in love with eachother. You two would spend much time with eachother, sneak out when everyone is sleeping to spend alone time with eachother. Thus, you two shared your first kiss with eachother along with taking eachothers virginity. It was a special moment for both of you. Feeling eachothers touch and love for eachother. You will never forget that moment.

2 Months have passed and you decided to go for a walk. Neteyam has sort of been different, he has been cutting you off from hanging out as much. His vibe everytime you hang out with him seemed off as if he was bothered to see you. You tried to excuse his actions by all the responsibility he had taken for his siblings along with being the oldest. You were walking thinking until you heard a familiar sound coming from a nearby māori

“mhm…fuck”

Your ears twitched.. that sounded like Neteyam..

“fuck baby hold on”

that was Neteyam.. it was his voice. You felt that horrible sinking feeling in your stomach, you felt yourself turn pale, get sick..

You walked closer to those sounds and listen to the heavy make out section go on.

“N-Neteyam”

you heard the metkayina girl moan. You ripped open the makeshift cover that was covering the way inside. Neteyam and the girl froze. She looked horrified. Neteyam felt instant regret and embarrassment. He pushed the girl away from him. The metkayina girl understood what was happening. She felt utterly disappointed and hurt knowing she was a side and felt horrible for you. She didn’t know Neteyam had a girlfriend and she wished she was never in this position. Her heart broke when you led out the most heart wrecking, painful, sob/moan and tears streaming down your face. Neteyam rushed to you

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME”

“I TRUSTED YOU”

“AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE DONE YOU GO STICKING YOUR TONGUE IN SOME OTHER GIRLS MOUTH”

“I HATE YOU I HATE YOU, I CANT BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE THIS”

Neteyam was hurt, he was instantly apologizing. Holding your hands but you started pushing him and punching him. He ignored the punched and started pleading for forgiveness. You were hysterical, screaming at the top of your lungs many people around were definitely hearing. Neteyam got on his knees and would not let go of you.

“Y/N I’m so so sorry, please, she didn’t mean anything, she was onto me and I don’t know what I was thinking please forgive me”

You felt sick and anger build up inside you. you gripped his hair from his stance.

“You sick fuck, after all those times we spent, after taking my virginity, those times you’ve told me YOU LOVED ME. It was all FAKE. I hate you Neteyam. You broke me and my trust, I will never forgive oh Neteyam. You are DEAD TO ME”

You yanked his hair and he fell into the floor. You wanted sooo bad to kick him. But instead you walked out.. at the doorway you muttered your last words to him

“I wish that bullet killed you”

Neteyams heart broke as you said those words and ran out. He was broken and hurt. He hated himself for his actions. He wished he can go back in time. He hated himself for everything. He just sat there with tears streaming down his face. Defeated but he deserved it.

Aonung was practicing his spear throws by himself until he noticed you running with your hands in your face. Horrible sobs coming from you, he ran in your direction dropping his spear.

He ran to your figure once you dropped on the floor.

“Y/N, what happened?! sshhh it’s alright, Im here”Aonung cradled you in his lap, massage your hair and comforting you in his arms.

“Netey-am… he *choke* he cheated- *sobs* he…” Aonung cut you off no longer wanting you to speak. He understood everything and held you tighter. He wanted to murder Neteyam. Truth is… Aonung has always had a crush on you but when he saw you ha your heart for Neteyam he had no choice but to move on. So for Neteyam to just cheat on you it angered him.

“Y/N Im so sorry, he doesn’t deserve you, it’s going to be okay y/n im right here and i will always be right here with you.” Aonung affirmed his support for you, cradling you and massaging your hair letting you son into his arms. He stroked your hair and let small passionate kisses in your head. Moments had passed and your sobs were becoming shorter. Aonung let you rant and he listend. He was there, his attention was on you.

“Aonung…what is wrong with me.. am i.. am i ugly???”

Aonung was in utter disbelief with your words and was sort of anger with your view of image with yourself?! Of course not you were actually one of the most beautiful metkayina girls in the whole village! You weren’t aware of the amount of times the boys would stare at you, get nervous when you’d talk to them. The boys who would have their ears pointed down when you smiled and giggled. You were genuinely so beautiful. So why in the world did Neteyam cheat on you for?!

Aiming affirmed your were the most beautiful girls he’s ever seen. He cupped your face with both of his hands looking deep into your crystal blue eyes. Aonung has then confessed his long term feelings for you… You were in disbelief. You heart sank. You were happy that Aonung felt this way but felt terrible that he wasn’t your first love.

Aonung first grabbed your hands

~“These hands, are beautiful” he then gives your hand a little peck

~”Your hair, you take your time to decorate your hair with beautiful seashells, and different hairstyles every day” You can’t help but admire that he’s appreciated the time you take with your hair.

~ “your eyes, a beautiful blue, when I look at your eyes I feel as though I am in the ocean. I stare at the ocean at night as it reminds me of how beautiful you & your eyes are when I ever get a glimpse”

You couldn’t help but cry with happy tears. You felt so loved by him. You smile, and you cup his face. And you kiss him. He kisses you back.

“I’m sorry Aonung, I wish I was with you instead of him.” You felt terrible that he wasn’t your first kiss. But aonung confirmed he was okay.

You two were passionately kissing and you two haven’t noticed Neteyam watching the whole thing go down. He was behind a tree watching the love of his life go with her childhood best friend. He wanted to yank Aonung off, he wanted to run to you and apologize, but he couldn’t. He lost you and that is something he has to deal with.

You moaned into the kiss as you started to get more touchy with Aonung. He grips your waist. You start to lay on your back dragging him along on top.

“Are you okay with this y/n, It’s ok if you want to wait” Aonung asked.

“Aonung, I wouldn’t want anything more than to do this with you. But, are you okay with doing this as well?” Aonung consented. He gave you kisses down to your breast and groped the other boob. He sucked on one nipple, he was humping you. Feeling his dick start to grow and your loincloth getting soaked. You guys were letting out soft moans and grunts. He put each of his hands on the ground and got up from your boob. He was humping you harder and more aggressive. You were blushing at the erotic state of Aonung rubbing his dick against your pussy, His muscular body above yours as his face was full of lust. You let out louder moans at the sight plus the pleasure. Aonung then began to untie your loincloth growling at the sight of your soaked pussy out in display.

He began to crawl down until he was face to face with your pussy. He inhaled your scent before licking your slit. You moaned feeling his warm tongue against your pussy. You grip onto his hair that was half up half down. You two didn’t notice Neteyam still watching the show. He was rock hard as well. Eyes glued onto your pleasured state, eyes glossy and puffy from crying. Aonung was sucking on your clit as he pumped his fingers into you.

“Yes, Aonung just like that p-please!” You moaned

Aonung felt pride with making you feel pleasure. He took his two longest fingers and curled them everytime he thrusted into you. Sucking and swirling his tongue around your clit. He was making you feel pure ecstasy. You didn’t feel the pain of your heartbreak anymore. Your thighs squeezing against aonungs head. You felt your orgasm about to erupt.

“Aonung… i’m- fuck- i’m going to! cum!!” you yelled

Aonung moaned in reply as he waited for your juices to spill out. He sucked on your clit harder and he pumped his fingers harder.

“Oh!! f-fuck!!” You arched your back, pulled onto aonungs hair and yelled and your thighs were shaking.

Aonung licked all of your juices up and grunted. He very much enjoyed your taste. He crawled back on top of you untying his loin cloth.

“Are you okay my love” He asked in a soft tone. You smiled at him and nodded.

“Come Ma-Aonung, please, put it inside me” You begged. He then lined up his dick with your pussy and held hands with his other hand with you. Resting his for arm as he slowly entered you. He gave you soft passionate kisses to the side of your head. You were in slight pain as Aonung had a thick girth stretching you out.

Aonung paused as he fully entered you. Seeing if you were showing signs of discomfort. He held you in his arms passionately kissing you. Before slowly pulling back and pushing all the way inside you. You moaned crossing your legs over aonungs waist. You eyes were shut tight. Feeling him enter you and hit that sweet g spot everytime. You gasp as he hit that spot. Eyes rolling back, arching your back. Aonung laughed quietly.

“Is it that good??”Aonung laughed as he went to fucked you faster. Aonung was moaning and growling at the way you tightened around him.

“Agh.. fuuuuck, you feel amazing y/n” Aonung threw his head back as he pounded you.

He took each of your tights and put it over his shoulders and took his dick all the way and rammed inside you deep, fast, and hard, You screamed, you eyes widened and your fingered were digging into Aonungs shoulder. Aonung fucked you in this position like he was never going to get a chance again. You were screaming and moaning at this new position cause ing you to feel him deep inside you. Aonung licked his lips watching your fucked state. He bent over to suck hickeys into your neck.

On the other hand, Neteyam was still watching, slowly rubbing himself and feeling disgusted at the same time. clenching his teeth together. Watching the way Aonung stared at you full of lust and hunger and your pleasured state. The way you squeeze and held him tight. Riding out your second orgasm.

Aonung was all sweaty his muscles clenching each time he trusted.

“Aonung…love.. mmmh! let me .. on top… please” You moaned

Aonung laid on his back with you on top. You put your hands on his chest and started bouncing. He kept his eyes on you… and your beautiful state watching you bounce in his dick. Hoping it wasn’t a dream. It all felt too good to be true. Aonung took your hands and held your hands with fingered crossed with one another. It was pure romantic the way he was showing his love for you.

“Ahhh… my y/n, there is no one …mmh I can see myself with.. oooh, oh my y/n I’m going to make you fuck… feel so much better… than he ever has.” Aonung moaned

Aonung then sat up, hugging you as he pounded into you like a rabbit in heat.

“AAAh!!! Aonung- Slo- Slow down!!” you screamed as he was fucking you at a rapid pace.

“Oh i’m going to cum!!! where??” Aonung moaned.

“Inside!! inside me!!” You screamed holding onto him tighter.

You guys were looking at eachother with tears swelling up. You guys made eye contact before you shared one more kiss before you you guys came into eachother riding out your orgasms. Moaning, grunting, screaming at the pleasure until you guys lay on the ground. Breathing and enjoying eachothers company. After you catch your breath you lay next on aonungs chest as you kiss his cheek passionately while massaging his hair. You guys cuddled and fell asleep moments later.

Neteyam looked at his cum on the tree.. his heart shattered as he watch you and Aonung have sex. He wished he was in Aonungs position once more. He regretted everything, and now he watched his love have sex with someone else all because he decided to have a one night stand. Now he is going to suffer the disappointments from his parents, all the gossip around the village and his once soon to be mate fall inlove with someone else…

#neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam sully #neteyam suli x reader #aonung #aonung x you #aonung x y/n #avatar twow #avatar #avatar smut #neteyam smut #aonung smut #aonung x reader smut #avatar angst #neteyam x reader angst

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acotarfrustrations · 6 months

Text

An ongoing list of ACOWAR grievances I'm keeping track of while I read (because there's too many to make a post about all of them) pt. 2

I'm on chapter 15 now and feeling the urge to complain again so here we go

1) the writing is way too overdramaticized. Like every other paragraph is some remixed version of feyre going "I wondered whether it would be eggs or bacon for breakfast. But when I looked at Rhys I realized that he was giving me my own choice. My mate, my high lord. In our home. With our family. Every thing was always my choice" and its CONSTANT, LIKE OH MY GOD GIRL SHUT UP

2) every thing about Lucien's plotlineand the elain mating thing. I HATE this subplot with a PASSION

3) feyre immediately fucking rhys when she got back instead of going to see her sisters

4) feyre and rhysand acting like they've ben separated for forty centuries instead of a month

5) the contradictions about how the high lord thing works. Like it was established that its a government position given to you through basically fate and being chosen by the cauldron or whatever which is why siblings kill each other for a chance for the throne and yet they just went to a priestess and swore feyre in as high lady?? It makes her title not feel real like it's purely ceremonial. It doesn't even make sense that she would be able to be HL of the night court as she has no more ties to that court than she does any other court. Is it because she's mated to Rhys? I don't understand the HL lord at all, it just keeps changing

6) the fact that Feyre, Rhys, and Cassian tell Lucien about their tragic backstories and everything that's happened to feyre at the NC and he just immediately does a Feyre™️. Like he's suddenly "Oh yeah you had a horrible childhood and took feyre into your found family without letting her explore relationships outside of the IC, that totally makes up for all the evil shit THAT IVE SEEN YOU DO WITH MY OWN 2 EYES. wow i cant believe youre not evil even though you killed 50 winter court children and sexually assaulted your mate and mind raped her constantly to get her to like you"

7) the way they're treating Nesta. It has been a MONTH since she was stolen from her home, brought amongst a race that she is terrified of and THAT ENSLAVED HER PEOPLE, and was forcefully turned into ONE OF THEM and the IC is acting like she's being unreasonable for not wanting to talk to them or to mate with Cassian. WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT CASSIAN RIGHT NOW?? WHY THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR HIM? Instead of him worrying about how his mate is doing regardless of his own comfort he's like WOE IS ME, SHE DOESNT WANT TO FUCK ME?????? GET OVER IT ASSHOLE?? WHY IS FEYRE EVEN LETTING CASSIAN COME NEAR HER AND ANTAGONIZE HER?? DOESNT SHE LOVE TO FLAUNT HER HL STATUS AROUND?? THIS IS THE TIME TO USE IT, PROTECT YOUR GODDAMN SISTER FROM HIM? ITS SO OBVIOUS THAT SHE DOESNT GIVE NEARLY AS MUCH OF A SHIT ABOUT NESTA AS SHE DOES ELAIN!!

8) the fact that sjm didn't keep cassian's wings shredded. Him learning to live with that would have been a badass character development but now sjm doesn't want me to have good things

9) the mating bond in general. I think it could be a potentially good plot device but no one ever employs it well and sjm is definitely the most egregious with it

10) the fact that the ic never gave consequences for their fucking actions. Feyre dies in acotar? Turn her into a fey and give her ALL of their powers. Stealing a precious artifact that they didn't even end up needing and getting a bounty on their head in the summer court and then getting that court invaded? That's fine because feyre is SOOO brave and says things that are common fucking sense which makes her SOOOO smart so we obviously need her as an ally so we'll just rescind the blood rubies. Getting the spring court sacked? That's fine we didn't like them anyway. Rhys and feyre's bond gets snapped? Well they didn't know about our super secret mating bond that is actually the only thing that gives our characters chemistry so we still like each other. Rhys causes irreparable damage to every court for 50 years and kills 50 kids? Well that's fine he was being held hostage and hey! We don't know he actually killed those kids 😡 Feyre, a 20 year old girl who's been fae for like 6 months and training for even less goes up against thousands of years old beings? She beats them effortlesslessly! Rhys gets sexually assaulted for 50 years! Well he planned all of it so it has no negative consequences on him. Cassian gets his wings shredded? Well he worked really hard and they're fixed now 🥰. Rhys FUCKING DIES?? Well that's no problem, tamlin can just resurrect him, nvm the fact that there's no reason why he WOULD. like no harrowing situation is ever interesting cause we all know sjm isn't actually going to do anything to the ic

11) "my mate" STOP SAYING IT PLS IM BEGGING

12) "males and females" STOP SAYING IT PLS IM BEGGING pt. 2

#anti acowar #anti sjm #anti acotar #anti rhysand #anti feysand #anti sarah j maas #anti ic #anti acomaf #anti inner circle

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httpiastri · 15 days

Text

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER TWO (JEDDAH)

genre: angst, fluff, comfort, etc.

word count: 6k

warnings: hmmm nothing except heartbreak in several scenes lol

author's note: guys im really sorry but im pretty mean to paul here..... like it got to the point where i rewatched jeddah videos of him and physically felt ill because i was mad at him LMAO 😭 but we'll get through this together!! this was supposed to include some other scenes but it was long enough as it was sooo 😶 summary for this chapter ig is yn feels very torn between her boys, and so do i. hope everyone has a good week (it's finally race week again aaaaa) !! 💗

also i think the next chapter might be shorter because i just wanna get it out already and i don't have a lot to write about in it hehe, fingers crossed that i can finish it soon<3

(alsoooo i proofread this a few days ago but i just cant find the energy or time to do it rn, praying that there are no big issues…. if there are, i would be so thankful if you could send me an ask or message etc 🙏)

series masterlist

"i still can't believe i missed out on the top ten again. and by just three hundredths, even..."

pepe shakes his head as you both make your way out of the campos truck, dragging a frustrated hand through his hair before pulling on his red bull cap. you can't help but chuckle – he's been like this all day, and all evening yesterday. you understand it, though; finishing just outside the reverse grid pole once again must feel frustrating.

not that you can relate. with a much better qualifying session yesterday in your second-ever qualifying in formula 2, you managed to snatch an eight-place finish. in other words, you will be starting third in today's sprint race, and just the thought of the probability of getting some big points sends tingles through your entire body.

"you'll get it next time," you say with a pat on your friend's back. "i mean, look at ollie. from p-nowhere last week to pole yesterday. that can be you next time around."

you've just come out of your morning meeting – morning meaning starting at ten and ending around noon – and now you're finally getting some lunch in the red bull hospitality. even during a race weekend like this, with mostly evening and night sessions, you still managed to oversleep and almost didn't make it in time for your meeting. you didn't get to have any breakfast, you had to run all the way from the shuttle to the truck, and you even forgot one of your racing boots as well as your phone in your hotel room. thankfully, you'll still have time to go back to the hotel before the sprint race, but walking around without your phone feels like being naked.

"speaking of ollie," pepe starts as you turn left and head into the formula one paddock. "are things between you two... alright?"

your eyebrows furrow together at the pause in the middle of his sentence. "why wouldn't they be?"

"well, i..." he stops again, and it makes you want to shake him. "i heard something. but it doesn't matter."

"who are you to decide that it doesn't matter?" you scoff. "tell me."

pepe sighs – he knows fighting you over this is a losing battle. you're way too stubborn to let go of this. "i heard that you were having issues. that you aren't happy, or something along those lines..."

you stop in your tracks, brain working in overdrive to comprehend what your friend is telling you. not happy with ollie? why would you not be happy with him? "who told you this?"

pepe stops in front of you. "i heard it from kimi, who heard it from... paul."

"what?" your eyes squeeze shut as your hands interlace on top of your head. "why would kimi come to you? instead of asking ollie himself?"

"you know kimi," pepe starts instantly. "he's young and gullible. i think he wanted to go for the see-if-the-best-friend-knows-anything strategy instead of asking ollie straight out." his hands squeeze your shoulders softly and you look up at him, a hint of a pout on your lips. "i guess he was scared that ollie would get mad at him or something."

"it's just-" you sigh. "it doesn't make any sense, does it?" pepe is just about to say something more when you cut him off with a dismissive swat of your hand in the air, stepping away from him and continuing your walk down the paddock. "let's just forget about it. i need lunch."

pepe stands frozen for a few moments before hurrying up to you again. he can't quite read your mood – you look unbothered, but he can't help but notice the slight touch of redness of your ears and the way your eyes seemingly can't focus on one thing for long enough. there's no way you can be over it already.

with pepe shutting up for a little while for the first time ever, you're left all alone with your thoughts as you continue your stroll. you know you should've asked for more information; you should've asked for details, for exactly what kimi said and how he worded it. you probably should also ask kimi himself for what paul told him. but right now, it's like a shadow is clouding your vision.

how dare paul say something like that? he must've known that the rumors he made up would spread like wildfire, as they always do in the formula paddocks. the snowball effect can make something tiny become huge, which is why you're always cautious about rumors. but apparently, paul doesn't care about that.

you're far too enraged to think even straight, and that's why it takes pepe pulling your arm to make you stop walking. you frown – to be fair, your frown hasn't left since it appeared a few minutes ago – but when you realize what it is that he's pointing at, both your frown and your jaw drop.

there's a swarm of journalists and fans following a ferrari driver down the road in front of you, which isn't all that uncommon. both charles and carlos are always incredibly popular. but what blows your mind is the fact that when you finally catch a glimpse of the driver's face, it's neither of the team's main drivers.

it's ollie.

"ollie! mate!" pepe yells, his arm waving erratically over his head. it takes a moment for the brit to find the owner of the voice, but he's tall enough to look over everyone else, and he's soon making his way over to you both. "i know you're popular, but this all seems a little excessive, don't you think?"

"i don't know what happened, as soon as the news came out..." ollie lets out a chuckle before turning to you, eyebrows raised at your expression. "i've called you like a hundred times, what have you been up to?"

"i left my phone at the hotel-" you begin but cut yourself off and shake your head. "wait, what news?"

when ollie starts speaking, time slows down. the entire world around you goes dark, the only thing you can hear being ollie's explanation of how carlos needs surgery and the call he got as he was having lunch. you feel lightheaded, almost like you could faint, when he speaks his final words. "...and they said i will be the one to replace him. i'm driving the formula one grand prix tomorrow."

you don't waste any time before throwing yourself into his arms, a loud squeal passing through your lips. "are you kidding me?" you exclaim, hugging him even tighter. "this is incredible, ollie! oh my god, i..."

"i can't really believe it myself, to be honest," ollie says, shaking his head as you part from the hug. pepe slaps his shoulder, congratulating his friend. "i would love to stay and chat, but i need to be in the car for the last practice, and i have a lot to get done-"

"go! go!" you usher, softly shoving him away back towards the journalists and fans who are still waiting just a few meters away. "we will talk later, okay?"

"of course."

and then you watch him leave – your boyfriend, the soon-to-be formula one driver – with a much lighter heart. this definitely helps you forget about all of the things regarding paul.

at least for a little while.

but of course, pepe stops your train of thought. "does that mean i get the reverse grid pole?"

you've never ever been to the ferrari garage before, so as you stand in the middle of it, you have no idea where to go or what to do; this is completely new territory. thankfully, you got a vip-pass from ollie before he ran off for his pre-practice duties, so at least you have the privilege of looking like a fool inside of the garage instead of right outside the doors.

a fool dressed in a red bull race suit, even. great.

you were in the middle of preparations for your sprint race when ollie texted you, and since you still had some time before the race started, you made it over to the other side of the paddock as quickly as you could. but unfortunately, that meant that you didn't have time to change your outfit into something more discreet.

"you don't look like you belong here, miss," a voice rumbles from behind you. your heart stops in your chest, and you're ready to improvise an excuse or find an escape route when you turn around – but luckily, you're met with chris, ollie's manager, standing there.

"thank god you're here," you say, letting out a sigh of relief. "do you happen to know where ollie is?"

"he's borrowing carlos's room. it's right down the hall and to the left."

you quickly thank him, turning again and making your way down said hallway. the room is easy to find, the two big, red fives on the door sticking out among the white walls. you're glad to find it unlocked, but you still knock a few times before sticking your head inside.

"sweetheart? can i come in?"

ollie is sitting on a massaging table, elbows on top of his legs and head resting in his hands. his eyes are stuck on the floor, but you take his silence as a yes.

"i got your text," you say, tiptoeing inside and shutting the door behind you, careful to not make any loud sounds to scare him. "how are you doing?"

when he still doesn't answer, your heat rate picks up. is something really wrong?

you make your way over to him, hands finding his cheeks and softly tilting him up to look at you – and you swear you've never seen him look this wrecked before.

not after his worst crashes, not when he lost the rookie championship last year. once again, you've entered completely new territory, and your heart breaks at the sight of him.

"ollie, talk to me," you plead, biting back the pout that starts to form on your lips. it's so painful to look into his eyes, but you can't back down. not now, not when he needs you this much.

"i'm-" his voice cracks but he shakes his head, clearing his throat. "i'm so nervous, i don't know what to do."

it's like he's oozing anxiety, and his heavy sigh is like a stab in your chest. ollie, your usually so calm and collected boyfriend, is probably going crazy over this – you know him well enough by now to understand that he's definitely freaking out even more on the inside than what he shows or tells. "i get that. one hundred percent. but," your thumbs begin to stroke over the skin of his cheeks, along his jaw, and then finally across his eyebrows, to which his eyes flutter closed. "this is your dream. it's been your dream since forever, and now you finally have the chance."

ollie sighs, but nods. you're getting to him.

"and it's not just any car, it's a ferrari. do you realize how cool that is? do you realize how many people would kill for an opportunity like this?" you smile at the sight of him with his eyes still shut, eyelashes resting atop his cheeks, messy fringe covering his forehead. even like this, at his most stressed state, he's completely gorgeous. "you would've killed for an opportunity like this just 24 hours ago."

"but what if i ruin it?" his voice is barely above a whisper when he speaks, shoulders slumping forward. "what if i go out there and i'm shit, and then they realize what a big mistake they've done by even putting me in the academy? what if-"

"it won't happen." his eyelids slowly open and he looks up at you, seemingly not even the slightest upset that you cut him off. "you're too good to do that. you'll get in that car and it will feel like your second home, just like it always does."

finally, a small smile makes its way onto his lips. it's only been a few minutes since you came in, but he seems much more relaxed now, leaning into your touch completely. "i'll try my best to make you proud."

you pout. "i'll be proud even if you end up with a slower lap than your pole lap from yesterday."

a laugh bubbles from his chest and he stands up from the table, opening his arms wide and pulling you in for a tight hug. his heart is still beating louder than a drum in his chest when your ear is pressed up against it, and you're almost worried it will jump out any second. but his breaths are much more controlled now, and his mind seems much lighter.

he presses a long kiss to the crown of your head, arms squeezing you tight. "i really need to go, because the sprint starts in..." you shoot a quick glance to the clock on the wall. "forty-five minutes. my team is going to kill me. but go out there and show them, baby."

and that's exactly what he did.

though, that's not the only thing you were correct about; your team was indeed furious when you finally made it back to the campos garage. your main engineer, who was supposed to help you get strapped in and fix all of the last details with the car over fifteen minutes ago, was apparently so angry he left you to do everything yourself. it's not that you didn't know about your schedule; you just needed to be there for ollie before his big debut.

everything works out in the end, at least according to you, and you're soon settled in your car on the grid, waiting to go on your formation lap. however, you've barely gotten as much as a glance from anyone on your team. you can't help but press the button to activate your radio. "i'm really sorry, guys. i just... had to do something."

"hope it was worth it." the voice of one of your engineers booms through your earpieces instantly, the sternness in his tone sending a shiver down your spine. "we got a huge fine because you were so late to get into the car, so..."

another of your engineers speaks up. "let's focus on the race instead now. no need to fight."

maybe it was because you got to visit ollie right before the race, or maybe it was just starting third and having a good car. either way, the sprint race was one of your best races in a long time. not only did you pass richard verschoor starting one place ahead of you into turn one; you also overtook paul, who started from pole, before the end of the first lap and got to lead your first laps in formula two ever.

dennis came around to steal the lead from you, but just landing yourself a spot on the podium was enough for you to celebrate. when you scored a second-place finish where the guy in first place was one of your former academy members, it didn't really matter that the guy on the third step of the podium was your ex-boyfriend.

going through all media duties is always exhausting, but it's usually never as dreadful as it is today. sitting in that press conference, knowing that your boyfriend is starting his first ever formula one qualifying in just a few moments. you have to literally bite your tongue not to pull a valtteri bottas and ask the journalists how q1 is going.

when you're this busy, you don't really have any time to think about paul's rumors. though, something about it continues to loom in the back of your mind all evening. especially when he speaks in the press conference, despite how hard you try to not even look at him, and especially when he's asked about ollie.

as the press conference finally comes to an end, you're not the only one who wants to hurry out of there to watch the rest of the qualifying session. you and the rest of the podium trio find a big screen that's showcasing the session, and you all insist that you should stay and watch, despite the f2 staff members' continuous attempts to squeeze the last drops of content from you.

they keep stuffing their phones and cameras in your face, throwing all kinds of questions about ollie your way, but you refuse to budge. you won't let them ruin this moment for you.

you're sure they've gotten quite a lot of embarrassing pictures of you teary-eyed while admiring your boyfriend's results, though.

you follow the timing board like a hawk, but something breaks you out of your trance. "who are you watching?" your head snaps to the direction of the voice – the f2 instagram admin with her phone pointed to paul.

as if you all haven't been watching and chatting about ollie for the last ten minutes.

you try not to, you really do, but you can't help but roll your eyes at the sight of paul. he's trying to look all innocent, hugging his trophy to his chest as his big, blue eyes blink up at the screen in the distance. a year ago, you would've just thought he was adorable – but today, this frustrates you more than anything. "i'm watching my dear friend ollie," he starts, eyes finding the camera so easily.

dear friend, huh? a dear friend is someone you spread rumors about?

the next time he speaks up, you have to physically bite your tongue to not yell at him. "the guy who gave me one position on tomorrow's grid."

you turn your head away in pure disgust. how could he say something like that? is that the only thing he cares about, places in his starting grid for tomorrow's feature race? is he serious?

you want to escape, to just storm off and never speak to him again. but instead, you force yourself to take a deep breath and focus back on the thing you're here for. ollie is doing so well; when q2 ends and he has driven his last lap, he misses out on q3 by just over a hundredth of a second. he almost even manages to knock out the legendary lewis hamilton, his fellow countryman whom he's been following for as long as he can remember, in his first-ever qualifying session.

you've never been prouder.

"honestly, as long as i can just bring the car home without wrecking it completely, i'm satisfied."

you give ollie's hand a soft squeeze at his words, fingers intertwining as your hands rest on top of the hotel cafeteria table. your other hand lifts your sandwich to your mouth and you take a bite, chewing it down quickly before giving him a nod.

you know his statement is meant as a joke, but you know it's just as much of a truth as a lie. driving an actual ferrari f1 car is his biggest dream, and even just making an alright race probably is enough to make him happy. there's no pressure on him, no one is expecting him to perform a miracle or even score some points.

but at the same time, you know he would never be satisfied with himself if he "just" brought it home safely. ollie isn't like that; he's way too stubborn, too determined, too much of a sore loser. it's what makes him. no matter what he says, there's always going to be something inside of him telling him that he needs to do better.

"i think you'll score your first points today," you tell him with a shrug. "i can feel it."

"don't say that, we don't know anything yet."

a shake of your head in combination with that smile of yours is enough to make some hope spark in him. "well, you have the car for it," you start. "and you have the skills."

ollie stays silent, letting the distant chatter of the other hotel guests having their breakfast fill the air. the cafeteria is emptying out by now, but new faces have been dropping in for a long time now, most of them walking by to give ollie a pat on his shoulder or a quick "good luck, mate".

you put down the last of your sandwich, leaving it behind with the fruit rinds and other scraps on your plate. "but don't think too much," you hum, eyes softening as they land on his. he's trying to contain his worries and anxiety as much as he can, but the slight tilt of his eyebrows and the way his gaze tends to dart away every once in a while tells a different story. "it's just driving. it's just what you always do, no problem."

you hold your glass of orange juice up to him and he gets the hint, clinging his own glass to yours before downing the last of its contents.

you're just about to speak up again with new words of affection, but an icy feeling spreads through your body at the sight of paul entering the cafeteria. the feeling soon turns into real nausea, and you can't even remember what you were supposed to say when you realize that he's making his way towards the two of you.

you want nothing more than to stay and keep encouraging ollie, but you can't take it at this moment. you stand up from your seat, giving ollie's fingers one last squeeze. "i forgot that i have a meeting soon," you make up. "so i need to go. i'll come see you before the race, okay?"

he doesn't even get to say bye before you've stormed off.

unfortunately, you have to pass paul in order to make it to the exit, but you make no effort to even recognize that he exists. you keep your gaze straight ahead.

karl, paul's physio, does a quick greeting from you though – as well as a confused look at the candle pressed into a pastry in one of the hotel's yogurt bowls – but then, you're off to hide in your hotel room until you're needed at the track for race preparations.

of course paul had to come by and ruin everything yet again.

with a good race from yesterday in the bag, you thought you could keep the momentum into today. however, that didn't turn out to be the case.

when a trident driver hit you from behind in the first lap, you lost a few positions instantly and after that, it was a bit too tough to recover. you had opportunities for overtakes, and the car was good enough to go through with them, but you never could. you kept slipping up, making rookie mistakes, and falling back even further. it even got to the point where your team came on the radio to remind you to focus on the road.

but no matter how hard you tried, it wouldn't work. the entire race, something else clouded your mind.

or, more specifically, someone.

every time you even caught a glimpse of paul's silver car, it was like something in your mind short-circuited. the memory of your conversation with pepe, the thought about paul running around and spreading rumors about you in the paddock… you couldn't push the thoughts, or the anger, away.

other times, back in the day, you were always good at turning your anger into something positive for your races. if you were upset with your father for something he said about red bull or the junior program, you went out there and proved him wrong. if you heard that another driver had complained about how you just got your seat because you were a girl, you made sure to dominate the race.

your stubbornness was always your biggest strength. but today, it was like your tank had run out. as much as you wanted to completely crush paul, you didn't have the capability.

at least paul didn't have that good of a race, either.

the second you get out of your car, you storm off towards your garage. you know you'll probably get a lot of shit for your performance your entire debrief, but if you can at least get over with it sooner, then you can forget about it and refocus on the next race weekend. plus, you really want to catch ollie before he's away for his f1 debut.

thankfully, you're not the only one getting criticized during the debrief; the team is not very happy with pepe's start, nor his DNF. after they've gone on and on about how costly this weekend has been for the team for an hour, you're finally released, but not without one last reminder to "think about what you're doing here and whose time you're wasting".

it's natural to lose all energy and confidence after a race like this. but the second you're back in ollie's arms, it's like the world around you just disappears. he's always been the best at keeping you grounded.

you've probably never hugged him this tightly before, but you can't help it. the second your arms wrap around his neck, you pour everything you have into the embrace.

he looks so good, so handsome and professional dressed up in his ferrari race suit. not just his prema suit with the ferrari logo on it, but an actual ferrari outfit. he looks like a real f1 driver – and the realization that he indeed is a formula one driver now brings tears to your eyes.

"hey," he says around a chuckle. "don't cry on me, woman."

"i won't..." you reach up to wipe away a drop from the corner of your eye as you pull away slightly from his embrace, shaking your head. "i won't. i'm just so proud of you."

"why are you so sappy?" the scene in front of him brings a huge grin to ollie's lips – he finds you equal parts adorable and hilarious. "i'm just going out there to drive a car. no biggie."

"no biggie," you repeat with a scoff, dabbing your other eye quickly before doing your best to blink down your other tears. earlier today, you were the one saying all of this was no problem. and yet, now he is the one who has to convince you of it. "right. it's just your passion, the thing you love. but i'm still proud."

an engineer catches ollie's attention above your head, sending him a certain look that has your boyfriend nodding before giving you one last squeeze. "i think i should-"

"of course, go," you usher him, retracting from his arms. "i'll be here after, no matter what happens." he nods, and he's about to leave when you speak up one last time. "have fun, okay?"

"always."

who would've imagined that ollie would not only score points in his first ever f1 race, but also win driver of the day, have the most overtakes, and score a seventh place as the second best british driver of the race?

well, you had imagined everything from him coming last to winning the race by horse lengths. and yet, this was all so unexpected. if someone had told you on wednesday that ollie would score six f1 points three days later, you would've laughed in their face. but now, it feels like it's been a long time coming.

you weren't allowed to stay in the ferrari garage for the actual race – it would've been a pr nightmare for everyone involved – so your nerves were all over the place since you weren't able to hear ollie's radio messages, info about the strategies, and so on. at least you get to wait right outside the garage with jamie, chris and his dad david, being the first to congratulate him after such a good debut race.

he looks completely worn out when he finally walks out through the door, but you can almost feel the pride and happiness radiating from him. his sweaty hair rests messily on top of his head, and an ice vest is draped over his body already to cool him down from the insane heat. and, most importantly, the smile on his lips is bigger than it's been all week.

ollie looks like he doesn't ever want to let go of his dad's hug, his face nuzzled in the crook of david's neck for a long time. you can only guess what things the father is whispering in his son's ear, but when the result is ollie pulling him even closer, your heart expands in your chest.

when they part, it's jamie's and chris's times to congratulate the point-scorer, and when he pulls away from his manager's arms, his eyes land on you. you're pulled into his embrace in just a second, a giggle slipping past your lips when he lifts you up into the air and spins you both around. his strong grip around you never eases, not when he sets you down on your feet again and not when he starts speaking.

"i knew it would be hard, but..." he shakes his head, a sweaty fringe brushing against the side of your head. "my entire body is ruined. like, it doesn't hurt because i have so much adrenaline, but i'm going to be in so much pain later. my neck and my shoulders and-"

another one of your waves of laughter cut off his ramblings, and he joins in once he realizes what he's been doing. when you finally pull apart slightly and your hands come up to cup his cheeks, you're just staring into his eyes for what feels like forever.

your boy, the f1 driver.

"this is from your mum," you whisper to him, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "and this is from your sister." a kiss to his other cheek. "and... this is from me."

ollie has to crouch down slightly because even when you get onto your tippy toes, you can't reach all the way up to his forehead. but once you press your lips against his skin, all of the hidden tension in his eyebrows disappears. he's like putty under your touch.

"i'm so proud."

ollie's groans are muffled by the pillow his face is pressed into, head twitching when your thumbs press into some tense areas of his neck. you shush him jokingly, like a mother comforting a crying baby, but your movements never halt.

ever since he got out of that car, he's been complaining about how sore he is. especially his neck and shoulders, and all of the muscles that were most affected by the g forces. you don't blame him, however – he's got a free pass for pretty much everything for the next week, you think – but you decided to be a nice girlfriend and help him out. the strings of whines and swearwords he keeps letting out don't seem to be stopping anytime soon, though.

the lotion on your hands is enough for you to be able to glide your fingers across his upper back, along his shoulder blades, all over his freckled skin. as you're straddling his lower back, you can reach pretty much all angles of his upper body, and the knots in his muscles seem to be disappearing despite how painful your massage seems to be.

eventually, ollie tilts his head to the side, his blushed cheeks decorated with lines from the pillow underneath him. his slight pout is on full display and his tired eyes flutter closed as he speaks. "hey, y/n?"

"yes, ollie?" you reply, your thumb pressing into one especially stubborn knot in his right shoulder. ollie stays quiet for a few moments and takes a deep breath, almost as if he's gathering courage for something.

"you know that i love you right?"

the world around you stops.

everything freezes.

he loves me?

your breath hitches in your throat at the words. it's the first time he's ever said them, and though it's not the most uncommon thing for someone to tell their girlfriend of over six months, they make your head spin.

a mishmash of thoughts clouds your mind. they won't shut up for even a second. but the loudest thought is the only one you shouldn't have; it's about the only person you can't be thinking about right now.

the way that your mind instantly wanders off to paul is frankly embarrassing, but you can't help it. he's the first boy you've ever loved, the first person you've ever uttered those three words to. the only one. and no matter how badly you wish you could just forget about that and move on, he's still a part of you. he's your only real experience of love.

and this just isn't the same.

you want to say it back to ollie, you truly do. but at the same time, you don't want to say it if it isn't true – it's not fair to him.

ollie senses that something is up. your signs aren't exactly subtle, anyway; your movements have stopped completely and he can't even hear you breathing anymore. "hey, i'm sorry-"

"don't apologize," you interject instantly, shaking your head as you start to climb off his body. "you did nothing wrong. i'm the one who's sorry."

"stop that, you shouldn't be." he turns around, staring up at you with those big, brown eyes of his. "i don't expect you to say it back if you don't want to. i just..." he lets out a low sigh. "i wanted you to know, i guess."

you sit still for a few moments, before leaning down to place a kiss on his rosy cheek. "thank you." another pause. "it means a lot, you know?"

"well, you mean a lot to me."

and he does to you, too.

but is that enough?

ollie loves me.

he actually loves me.

he told me today after the race, and... i didn't say anything. i just sat there like a complete moron.

i couldn't say it back. i just don't feel what i felt for paul yet.

what's wrong with me?

why don't i race like i used to? why can't i control my emotions? was the sprint race yesterday just luck? did i really deserve that podium?

why does paul still affect me this much? why is he always there in my thoughts – when i'm racing, when i'm with ollie, when i try to sleep...

i have a perfect boyfriend and a great car, so why do i feel like everything is falling apart?

yourusername just posted!

yourusername p2 in the sprint 🥈 big thanks to the team for the hard work!! and i got to witness the rb p1-2 up close, congrats redbullracing 💙 also check slide 4 for an appearance from me and my former family on f1tv <3

show all 96 comments

user y/n and the prema staff during the driver's parade 😭 they're so cute

→ user her referring to them as her family, byeeee

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user why is no one talking about the last slide???

→ user because i can't talk while i'm crying, sorry

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user great job this weekend y/n !!! thank you for signing my cap 🥺

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user loved to see her celebrate the red bull double podium even after a hard feature race ❤️

→ user she had to balance out the post with that max and checo pic 😭 would've been just ollie & prema otherwise

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

user ollie looks like a baby in the second pic 🥲

→ user just a little boy playing with his toy cars

→ yourusername i had to hold his little teddy bear during the race to make sure it wouldn't get dirty

→ user stopppp you're so real for sharing that

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scribbyizback · 2 months

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i have no idea what the abandoned carnival au is but I 100% support rambling so here's your opportunity to ramble about whatever you wanna say about it!

(and if you're like me and can't answer non-specific questions here's some for ya:

What are the character's worst flaws? How do they interact with other characters? Is there any specific event that stuck with them from their past? How do others treat them? Any significant traits important to the plot?)

Hope your day's goin well!

WHAAAAG I LOVE YOU MINUTE/P !!!!! ok no one would really know much abt the carnival au because I haven't mentioned it really um haha. I did draw the moon for this au in Sundays daycare magma so yay if you need a face to the name you have one!

urm let's see here. so, for moon, I think his worst flaw is being unable to communicate properly. He struggles to keep things happy, he really does bring things down a lot and that's a flaw pushed on him by the process of his paranormal creation. what who said that.

sun's worst problem is his pride. he refuses to admit when he's wrong and he refuses to TALK about whatever he was wrong about. he's a 'drop it, I don't want to talk about this' kinda guy. he's a professional ghoster, if I do say so myself. totally not a pun linked to his paranormal creation. whaaat who keeps saying these things??? seriously this is crazy!!!

moon doesn't MEAN to push people away, he was made to operate a carousel, not make friends. But if he knows that someone is worth keeping ther, dedicated to staying with him, he can be soso clingy. he still has to rely on others though, otherwise he can't run, just like a music box. Sun has major people person energy, but he still gets so overwhelmed. He took on over 5 jobs around the entire carnival, between both entertainment and upkeep. so he has an overall energetic personality, bit when he burns out he burns out HARD. this makes him often irritable or overbearing for a lot of people, but he balanced it out between him and moon.

the fire. whenever the carnival closed down for the night. the missing kids. what happened to everybody else around here?

no, nothing much.

they really CANT get out much anymore, they've really tied down their roots since the place stopped moving from town to town way back in '47! furthermore, they cannot really talk to much of anybody but each other! and moon hasn't been wound up since the carnival wasn't needed anymore! that's why sun was SOOO happy when a human- you - showed up! can you believe it? moon enjoys your company too, but someone can only spend 60+ years in solitude for oh so long! can you imagine not aging, because you're nothing more than a puppet- a doll inside the puppet?? oh, he has so many things to show you!!! you're quite nice, probably not well suited to hang around such a guy all down in the dumps all the time! not that moon complains, having someone willing to care so much about him just the same- isn't that COOL??

Sun wasn't always supposed to take over all these other jobs. He used to be happier, calmer. I wonder what made him so tense. He's always stuck in a nervous state, no matter how happy he is around you. Moon wasn't always sad- he used to be a happy and mischievous guy that would even dance along to his music. hard to believe how broken down the tunes of the calliope have gotten.

#hi this was long #im so sorry if this doesnt make sense #im so crazy about them #im going to make more stuff with them i promise #this is js sm for me to hold in i had to let the cup spill a little before i put more in #ty for asking i am happy beyond belief #scrib talks #fnaf #dca fandom #fnaf dca #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #fnaf sun and moon #moon fnaf #sun fnaf #eclipse miiiight show up #not sure yet #its still very not finishe #carcass of a carnival

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999xswift · 2 days

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Okay so i have a bunch of Haylor related thoughts.... i feel like a lot has been going on in Haylor world since TTPD dropped.

Now i think that much of Tourtred Poets is about Harry practically all of the 'matty' songs are actually about Harry, I'm no going to go into the lyrical analysis of it all but if you know you know.

So when it came to April 19th and we saw those pictures of Harry in Japan with Taylor Russell I always thought that was super weird cause like why take a trip with your GF when you know your ex is about to release an album about you. Fast forward to TTPD coming out and all the reports and confirmations that Harry ended things with TR, some reports even saying their trip to Japan was a make it or break it trip...

Now before i carry on, I wanna mention some of the other theories ive seen on the interwebs from other Haylor's to seem to think that Harry and Taylor are already together going as far as to say they are married in secret... I'm not saying I believe this because i dont but i do think its an interesting perspective and i feel like i havent seen that many people really talk about it. The idea that potentially TR and TK were and are PR/stunt relationships and Harry and Taylor are waiting for the right time to reveal the truth...

I feel like this theory is one that I want to be TRUE so BADLY sooo badly but i know how crazy it is to think so i cant help but be realistic about the fact that that is probably not true, however i do believe that if Harry and Taylor were going to be together again they would to do in complete privacy and remain that way for quite awhile before people would know. I also think this theory is especially interesting in the context of But Daddy I Love Him...

This is a song where Taylor is hitting back at various groups of people who talk down on her relationships but more specifically it quite obviously speaks about one person in particular whom Taylor wasn't able to be with due to what people thought and said about their relationship... now we know there were many different outside influences that effected Haylor (directioners, swifties, the media, their teams etc)... The song also sees Taylor professing her love for this person this is the 'one thing she's wanted'... screaming 'but daddy i love him'... 'telling him to floor it through the fences, no im not coming to my senses'... in all of these lyrics Taylor seems to be saying she has made her choice and wont be talked out of it or have it taken from her this time around... this is an important part of the song, 'we came back when the heat died down'... her and this person have history and they almost HAD to let time pass to be able to ever be together...

The more and more i listen to this song the more i am starting to think it may be about Harry which does make the insane theory i mentioned earlier very intriguing lol. My first reason is all of the above, the relationship issues she describes fit what went down with her and Harry very well...The obvious 'But Daddy I Love him I'm having his baby' connection to Harry is really obvious and telling to me i mean from the shirt he wore to the Kiwi 'I'm having your baby it's none of your business' line... i mean c'mon... anyway...

Taylor goes on to say 'And no you can't come to the wedding' now i will admit this line makes perfect sense if the wedding has already happened and we were all none the wiser. It also seems to hint that Taylor really is in love with someone that she really does want to marry... this whole song really does feel like a proclamation of love for this one person that she is willing to fight for against the many odds against them and the song ends in a victorious way... seemingly indicated that she did indeed get the 'one thing she wanted'... whether this song is or isn't about Harry there is no way to definitively tell at this moment in time but either way I do think this song is hiding something it feels like a song we will go back to after finding out some sort of information and be like OMG...

I have more thoughts on what’s been going on in recent weeks, I’ll make another post no idea if anyone care at all or is reading this but these two are driving me nuts so I needed to share 😭😩

#haylor #taylor swift #harry styles #ttpd

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gabessquishytum · 10 months

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Idk what specific au this is besides just a human one but skinny little dream with a big pop out pregnant belly he cant hide by month two... lets go w office au like last anon said bc the implications of everyone calling dream a slutty breeding bitch is sooo hot to me. Hes showing so soon bc hob put such a big baby in him and hes always sore and whiny and cries at the drop of a hat even at work now.. hob gets massive kudos for knocking him up and this would be perfect w omega dream i just realized bc "bitchy little omega learned his place". Hob finally taught the omega who thought he cluld boss everyone around some humilty.. hes gonna be out of work barefoot in their apartment soon enough and the alphas who hate him are sooo excited for both not having to be around him and also the bitch being "humbled". The problem? Hob is a LOT more territorial and protective now and hardly will agree to play along even when he knows dream gets off to it.. when someone gets a bit too close to a THREAT to dream instead of just venting? Its a good thing dream has a whole staff of lawyers on retainer and theres laws allowing an alpha to protect their mated omega!! Hob doesnt leave dreams side after that. Ever. And any time he even gets a wiff of dreams arousal hes dropping everything and holding dreams hips down to eat his pretty cunt out until hes come so many times he cant even speak<3 hob knows dream will be going back to the office. Hes gonna be the one at home and dream is going to work from home as much as possible now as well.

Also! Im getting distracted by the belly again and how dream was always all sharp angles and slim cut suits and now hes.. soft. Omega like. His wardrobe changes completely and hob thinks its the sweetest most adorable thing in the whole world when he gets all cozy in comfortable clothes and starts nesting like 100x as intensely. His tits are filling with milk and everyone can smell it on him, how fertile and bred he is.

-🔪

EEE yeah!!! YEAH!!

I love Dream being horny about all the alphas in the office saying mean stuff about him. It turns him on so much to see them leer at him and mutter under their breaths about how he's just a dumb, bred omega bitch now. Hob really wants to smack them all for talking about Dream like that, but Dream is like nooooo 🥺🥺 let them do it, it makes me so wet.

Dream starts showing up to work in maternity dresses and cute cardigans and Hob is constantly clawing at the walls with overwhelming horniness. He catches a glance at Dream’s belly and immediately starts getting hard every single time. He can't believe how massive Dream gets, and it happens so quickly!! His back hurts and his feet are swollen but he's determined to enjoy being pregnant. He grits his teeth through all the discomfort and only yells at Hob a little bit! He does have a bit of a breakdown later in the pregnancy when he finds out the baby is in the 99th percentile for size... damn Hob and his super sperm!

Hob is so looking forward to being a stay at home daddy for their little one - he imagines that he'll probably be bringing the baby into the office for visits a lot, when Dream can't work at home. They're so domestic now <33 Dream wants cuddles and Hob can't stop rubbing against him to make sure he smells claimed. 10/10, an absolute unbearable couple, everyone else in the office is totally sick of them.

A few weeks before he's due, Dream is meant to be on leave but he ends up popping into the office (he's a workaholic). Everyone is astounded by his massive belly (which is currently stretching one of Hob’s old t-shirts to the absolute limit). Considering how tiny and flat he's always been, it's a shock to see the boss so round, with his generous tits bouncing in time with each cautious step he takes. Every alpha in the office has a crisis over how innately sexy Dream is now. He's still a bitch, but now he's also a very sexy omega!!! Oh the dichotomy!!!

He goes home and gets his pussy eaten by his alpha, and totally gets off on knowing that Hob is going to knock him up again ASAP. If Dream gets his way he'll spend the next 10 years pregnant as fuck.

#🔪 anon #the sandman #dreamling #nsft #cw omegaverse #cw pregnancy

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aromanticautiesworld · 7 months

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hi! how do you think finn would take you out for a romantic date? i bet hed be super nervous, even dressing up in a suit that looks really nice (but a little stifling and definitely not his style)... hes really bad with words at times, not even mentioning romantic endeavors, but you know hes really trying and putting so much effort into this, bc hes really serious about you! the thought of finn, super tough hero of Ooo, wrestling with the strongest and most elusive foe hes ever faced (butterflies in his tumtum), makes you laugh and smile so hard. hes doing all this for you and you love him, stuffy mushy junk or regular goofster boy ;u;

ohh goodness youve grabbed my heart…i shall give you some hcs…as a gift

////

How Finn would take you out on a date HCS

(not mushrooms related cuz that’d be spoilers)

-so it’s both yours and finn’s first date

-like you said he definitely gets a suit with jake after panic reading through all the books on dating he has (he even takes off his hat so you know he’s serious)

-you guys aren’t going to any fancy restaurants or anything, as two scruffy kids you both would feel out of place

-so you both go to a nice pizza place by your hometown

-he gets there first, and he’s anxiously fidgeting by the door waiting for you to arrive, and when you do, oh boy

-you weren’t super dressed up like he was, but you’d made a little bit of an effort to wear something other than your regular clothes

-you are soo amazing, oh my glob. He’s so happy you’re his partner

-he holds your hand, eyes basically sparkling, and leads you to the seat

-you at this point are just in awe of your goofus of a boyfriend. like this is a pizza place it’s not that fancy

-but like you said its this kinda stuff that you love him for. hes trying sooo hard and sooo does not know what he’s doing and you cant help but smile at that

-You two try to have a normal conversation, but cant get through a sentence without giggling and blushing

-however this is a date with finn. and who is finn if not a chaos magnet

-a dragon bursts through the roof of the restaurant, interrupting yours (and maybe another couple’s) pizza

-and the rest of the folks in there run

-but you and finn? oh, no no

-you both take on the thing, finn still hatless, and you still dressed up

-believe it or not the dragon actually does put up a bit of a fight before you two slay it, without getting into specifics neither of you will be able to wear these outfits to another date unless you went to a tailor. and it has to be a really, really good tailor

-you did, however, get a nasty cut on your arm, and now you and finn sat by the wall that has been reduced to rubble

-he crafts a makeshift tourniquet with his suit around the cut, trying not to make it too tight

-normslly, he’d love beating up a dragon, but now he just he feels really bad about all this

-“Man. I’m sorry I donked up our first date,”

-“Don’t worry about it! I had fun tonight, Finn” you smile at him

-And now you both sat next to each other, one with a dress shirt torn and partially unbuttoned after a button came loose in the battle, and the other’s outfit ripped up and partially stained in blood (was it the dragon’s? was it finn’s? was it yours? it was hard to tell)

-He smiles back, his grin still missing teeth, and his face grows red

-you two lean in, closer, and closer

-until suddenly, you’re both having your first kiss

-the jolt of adrenaline pulls you two away from each other in suprise, you putting a hand to your lips and finn seemingly ceasing to function

-you tap him on the shoulder, asking silently if you can go in for another kiss, and he responds by embracing you again, nothing suddenly shocking either of you away this time

-you both pull away, and then you hug him, burying your face into his shoulder

-“I love you, ya doofus,” you say, voice muffled.

-“I love you too….” He says, returning the hug.

-“…w-we should really get going though. The cops are gonna show up any minute about the dragon,”

-“Alrighty, doofus, let’s bounce. Your place?“

-“Yeah,” Finn smiles again, a very giddy one on a still very red face, “my place,”

#adventure time #adventure time x reader #finn x reader #finn the human #x reader #mariner writes #sorry i keep making him take off his hat but can u BLAME ME lookit that HAIR #mariner talks #mariner headcanons #mariner asks

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nectar-cellar · 1 year

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💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other sim-blogs to do the same 💕

i love this question, thank you for spreading the positivity!!

i really love my vlad and bella one shot. i make story posts so rarely because i struggle with writer's block and writing is a skill i don't often practice. i cant even name the last book/story i read... i've really neglected my hobby of reading and writing. but i just love the photography and mini story i came up with for that.

here's the link for those who want to read it from start to finish.

i kind of cringe at the writing tbh. but it's ok. i give myself permission to write imperfectly.

obviously, my count vlad sim is one of my favourite sims i've ever made. sometimes i change up his beard and his outfit, but his face has stayed the same, that's how perfect he is to me. 💘

for my cc, i can't believe i've actually created so much stuff when you browse through the tag on my blog. i love the sportswear set i came up with. at first i just wanted to make a tight compression shirt. then my ideas kept expanding until it ended up as a whole set. also, i got a few people to test it out for me and i loved seeing their sims wearing it. i think that download sums up my blog and sense of humour pretty well. i can't believe how many downloads it got and i often see it in other people's screenshots. i just love it. show me all your pixel beefcake.

i am also really proud of the beard packs i made. first, because figuring How To Make A Beard was such a journey. second, because i use those beards sooo much on my own sims and they just make them look so good UGH! third, because they're also the items that get downloaded the most which i never expected. at first i only planned to make one beard pack, i never thought i'd end up getting so many ideas or that i would be able to actually execute them. i see those beards in so many ts3 screenshots here, on twitter, and on youtube, it just makes me feel like wow i really contributed something to this community that everyone can enjoy over and over again.

and i can't even take full credit for making them because they wouldn't have been possible without the textures by @/imamiii , simple life, omega starr, etc. so it almost feels like a tribute to the creators who came before me and whose stuff i loved before i ever was a cc creator. that is how i feel about making cc, like it's my way of giving back and continuing the tradition of making and sharing cc for fun, creativity, and community above everything. 💗

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plumellaebearnook · 17 days

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I finished iwwv a few days ago, and obvi cant stop thinking about it. Here are my thoughts.😵‍💫

‼️Spoilers‼️

Specifically, I can’t stop thinking about James and how upset he must have been, for all the multitude of reasons he would be.

Everytime I think about how he didn’t want to stay in the Castle, and def didnt wanna stay in his and Oliver’s room alone (whenever oli stayed with Meredith), always on walks or somewhere else we don’t know, I felt sooo bad for him.😭 And how Oliver explained that he hadnt seen or barely saw James for a couple days before the combat class.

I was so upset I felt sick.😫 Like— James is grappling with keeping two secrets from Oliver: one, that he’s in love with him, and two, the murder. So he watches his best friend end up with Meredith and he can’t do anything about it. And then there’s the fear of letting the truth out about Richard and potentially not being accepted by Oliver anymore, not as a friend, let alone as a lover.

Just… how isolating that must have been for him. Not being able to tell—I assume—the only person in the world he’d want to speak to about what happened, and also how he clearly felt unworthy of Oliver bc of what he did. While oliver didn’t believe that he was worthy of james as well—always the sidekick. GOD I HATE IT😖😖

(Sidenote, that point when Oli realizes why James was never at the house, and didn’t want to be alone in their room, bc James asks Wren to come to bed with him. Like yeah, Oliver, catch up. That shit fucking hurt.)

For context, I read through the whole book wondering when they would kiss bc I read a spoiler about it and I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR IT TO BE 16 PAGES FROM THE END WTF. So many times throughout they were literally this close 🤏 from each other and I was like, “this has got to be it, right??” lmaoo

And I’m sure that for both of them, maybe more James than Oliver, they were afraid of messing up their friendship or afraid of being rejected by the other. Which I usually love that about the friends-to-lovers trope, but I could not handle the angst in this fucking book, i was, and still am, distraught😭😭

“‘I never wanted you to look at me the way you’re looking at me right now.’”

FUCK

And then Oliver calling James a prince in that iconic line!!

(seriously tho, Richard used the term “prince” numerous times and meant it in a derogatory way, but Oliver saying it with acceptance, forgiveness, and affection, I—🫠)

Then when the both of them notice Colborne is off to the side, they know things are not going to be the same, and James realizes he might not see oliver again (at least not out of prison, knowing he would be forced to confess im sure), so he cant hold back anymore and kisses oliver. And in that one moment, they experience all the pain and emotion of this is our first kiss, but also (likely) our last.☹️☹️☹️

I get the point of the slow burn and gay tragedy, but MY GOD I just wanted these two boys to be happy.

So I am on the delusional side of things; they deserve a happy ending. James HAS to be alive, plss omgg. (i love reading the theories in fanfics of where ppl believe James disappeared to.) (Also, didnt realize he drove all the way to washington state to drown himself btw, didnt consider where the san juan islands were, just something i looked up and thought was interesting, anyways)

They’re so in love😭😭 I can’t stand it. Espec James. I feel so fucking bad for him, just thinking about how much he was struggling.

Moments that broke me:

- When James showed up at Oliver’s house unannounced. (which ofc he would, where else would he go, who else would he go to or want to be near.)

- Alexander said James couldn’t pick himself up off the floor for like half a week when Oliver was first arrested.

- The kiss on the hand, the last time they saw each other.

- The hope in Oliver when he’s finally out and all he wants is to see James.

- Oliver breaking down at Meredith’s place.

Okay, now this is just a few other notes I had on the story.

First is just a theory of mine, but I don’t believe James and Wren had any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. I believe it was always platonic / protective. Bc I think that James knew he was in love with Oliver way early on in their friendship, and just didn’t want to admit it for obvious reasons.

(I also think it’s possible James could have resented his feelings for Oliver bc of how Richard taunted him being the smallest of the boys and, perhaps, for being a little fruity and whatnot, so when Oliver ended up with Meredith, I think maybe he focused on Wren as a distraction, the way Oliver used Meredith.)

Also, I dont think oliver is bi, i think he is gay. I thought he was bi at first because—well clearly he’s with meredith, but i started to reconsider when I remembered how he said he’s never brought a girl home before, and he only seems to like meredith bc everyone does and everyone’s supposed to. She’s the conventionally attractive one, and yk, that’s what a lot of queer ppl veer toward. A sort of, idk if its performative heterosexuality or what, but Oliver ends up following the social script for how a presumably straight/cis person is supposed to act. Maybe there’s also the attention from someone like Meredith that feels enticing to him. How she’s considered to be “the hottest girl” at their school and all that, and what being with her would mean for him. I just think Oliver is oblivious to his superficial feelings for her.

Another thing I wanted to mention is that I feel the story lacks in-depth characterization.

Maybe that was a choice to focus on the characters’ archetypes, how they get pigeon-holed to play certain people, but I personally thought it made them feel empty and I couldn’t connect to them. I felt like I didn’t get the full or clear picture of who each character was. Meaning sometimes they didn’t feel like an actual, real person I could meet.

I wish there was more complexity to them, I wish we got to see how each of their internal conflicts—how they deal with their archtypes and their struggle to go against it or accept it, how it causes them distress. I think more explicit examples of that would’ve helped fill in the gaps of their personalities for me. There should have been more moments in the book to show the full depth of who they are, maybe compared to who they want to be. (Not to mention, some characters def got more development than others.)

To be honest, a lot of the story felt disjointed, broken, and put together with pieces missing. Apart from the lack of individual character depth, the dynamics and relationships between the friend group felt somehow superficial and empty as well. I kept thinking how they’ve been friends for three years, but it seemed as though they didn’t really know each other sometimes.

Anyway, that’s all I can think of right now, idk if anyone else felt this way. I’d like to know if someone did/does, bc I honestly felt like there should’ve been more to the story, as I said above it seems like pieces are missing that i beleive if expanded upon would have helped to really develop the characters’ identities, their relationships between each other, and also helped to connect with the audience better.

But maybe I’m just picky🤷 tbh the story resembled one of those average netflix original tv shows most of the time I read through it lol.

#iwwv #iwwv spoilers #if we were villains #james farrow #oliver marks #meredith dardenne #wren stirling #richard stirling #alexander vass #filippa kosta #joliver

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