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spiritedscorpio · 1 year

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When they find out that you're jealous (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Warning: Slight smut

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Atsushi:

Honestly, for the most part the two of you have a pretty healthy relationship, you both wanted nothing else but to make each other happy and he often told you how much he appreciated everything you did-- regardless of how small it may have been

However, his extremely friendly nature occasionally posed problems. You normally were pretty good at not thinking anything of it and while you knew he'd never do anything to hurt you, it sometimes came off in a different way, especially when it came to his friendship with Lucy

You noticed she had feelings for him but the fact that Atsushi either was oblivious to them or just wasn't entertaining them removed most of your worries-- until today when she asked him to help her strengthen her ability

Atsushi being eager to help people as always agreed, clearly thinking the offer was innocent but to you it was clear that she was considering it a date. You weren't sure whether he agreed because he was interested or because he had no idea, leaving you fairly distant the rest of the day. Whenever he initiated physical contact you didn't return it leaving him concerned however he decided to bring it up when you two were alone

When you reluctantly told him what was wrong, he initially was shocked to hear about Lucy's feelings but was quick to reassure you that nothing was going on

He says something like: "Oh, I'm so sorry I worried you, if you want I can tell her I'm busy"

The sincerity in his tone completely washes away your worries and you tell him you're okay with him going

Even though you say you're fine now, he makes a point to spend as much time with you as possible and tells you how much he loves you even more than before ❤️

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Kunikida:

His ideals both benefited and hindered your relationship, some of his actions seemed to be forced as it was what "a proper boyfriend would do" but he also constantly told you that being insincere about his feelings isn't something that an ideal boyfriend or even man would do

Normally this kept your relationship in balance-- that is until you found him and Yosano drunk in her office. Kunikida didn't drink much so you figured it was her idea but that didn't excuse what you saw

As you walked by her office, you saw her on top of him, in a position that made it look like they were kissing-- at the very least. You left without drawing attention to yourself and waited at home for him to explain himself

He came home many hours later, looking exhausted. "Sorry I'm late y/n, I got drunk and passed out at the office" Your expression remained stern and uninterested. After explaining why you were angry he was clueless for a second before remembering what happened

He told you that after getting drunk Yosano went on a rant about his hair and how he should change his haircut. He further explained that she ended up sitting on him and pretending to cut the areas of hair she felt should be altered but nothing actually happened

After apologizing he says: "What kind of scum would I be if I cheated on my loyal partner?" He tiredly rants about how morally wrong that would be and promises to make it up to you

The next day he surprises you with a huge bouquet of flowers on your desk❤️

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Dazai:

While he overall treated you well, his very promiscuous past often left you worrying and insecure. Also, with his looks, it wasn't uncommon for women to approach him. While he never accepted these women's offers, his response somewhat bothered you

He would often say something like: "While I'm very flattered, I am seeing someone currently so I have to decline" You understood that he was likely just trying to them let down easily but you couldn't help but see it as him being slightly disappointed that he had to turn them down

Later that week you, Dazai, and Ranpo were investigating a case and the guilty one turned out to be the ex-wife of the victim. She had long black hair, blue eyes, and was fairly thin but curvy. In attempts to get out of her punishment, she began flirting and getting all touchy with Dazai as he was the one who was attempting to handcuff her

"My, aren't you a flatterer? But..." He managed to get the handcuffs around her second wrist. "That's not getting you out of this" You, being quite fed up with him acting this way, stormed off leaving a smirk on his face. He was enjoying your reaction and made a point to tease you later for it.

He later burst into your office, trying to be affectionate but you ignored him entirely until bringing up what happened earlier. "Aren't you grumpy today! I truly hope it isn't because of that woman, after all, I didn't initiate anything"

You tried to remain unfazed but he kept poking at you. "Hmm, I wonder what it was about her that bothered you. Did you feel inadequate next to her? Or is it that you don't want another woman to lay her hands on me?"

You glared back at him "And what if I don't?"

"I never said there was anything wrong with that" He sat on your desk. "But that is oddly possessive of you, I like it" He makes sure to prove that you're the only one he has eyes for later

In the bedroom.

He says something like: "See y/n? Do you think I'd be fucking some random woman this well? You think I'd be telling anyone but you how pretty they look as they take my cock while I spread them open? While his words were somewhat reassuring, it wasn't like you could form complete sentences anyways-- the only word that left your mouth was his name

A smirk formed on his face. "That's right, you're mine" His expression slightly softened "Just like I'm yours"❤️

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A/n: I really enjoyed writing this so let me know if you have any scenario suggestions!

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #atsushi nakajima #atsushi x reader #bsd atsushi #atsushi x you #dazai osamu #dazaibsd #dazai x you #kunikida x reader #kunikida x you #fanfic

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brightowldarkpigeon · 2 months

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James Somerton Apology 2.0

Someone on Reddit asked what a genuine apology from Somerton would look like, and I outlined it there. I thought I'd share my post here in case it helps any others who are trying to understand what a sincere apology looks like!

(To be clear, I think that in general matters that are not as severe as James's, hoping to recover your career or asking for forgiveness are perfectly fine. For James, his betrayal was strong and defrauded so many people financially, that there is no way to make restitution without a years-long break from making content).

If he wanted to make a genuine apology, it would have to be done without any expectation of the recovery of his career. It would have to be very much the last thing he'd say on the matter, the only video on his channel, and demonetized. He would need to make the apology, then leave for at least a year, if not longer.

Then he would need to follow the standard five steps of apology:

1. Expression of regret

He'd have to say, "I am genuinely sorry for plagiarizing the work of others and taking great pains to obfuscate that fact." He would say, "I'm sorry that I told lies in my videos and did the bare minimum to create as much content and wealth as possible in as short a time as possible." He would also say, "I am sorry for the misogyny and anti-trans bias that I perpetuated both with my words on this channel and my actions toward other creators."

2. Acknowledgment of responsibility

This is essentially to say how it hurt the other person. "I am aware of the enormous harm that I caused to both the queer creators that I stole from and the viewers I deceived. My misogyny and transphobia have harmed not only the women and nonbinary people I offended, but also all other white cis gay men who do not want to carry on this legacy of upholding patriarchal sexism." I'd like him to make this the longest portion of the video, showing how plagiarism, deception, and misogyny cause real, tangible harm, and how his actions were wrong.

(It would be extra nice if he could take real responsibility and say, "I did all these things because I was greedy and lazy, and because I have not done the work to dismantle my own biases against women and trans people.)

3. Making Restitution

Here's where he says he's going to

a) PAY BACK HIS PATRONS. Seriously. That would be such a start. I understand that he needs money to survive, and it might take a long time to get back to that level of income, but he deceived both his patreon patrons and the backers of his Talos project.

b) Publish the names and works of every author he stole from.

c) Create a queer youtuber fund or something like that.

4. Genuinely promising change

He will need to GET. OFF. YOUTUBE. STOP. MAKING. CONTENT. It's time for him to find a new job, even with his fucking epilepsy, he's a decent video editor with a large portfolio and he absolutely could get work doing video editing from the bazillion people who have never heard of him. (They do exist!)

Or get literally any other WFH job. Do customer service if you have to. Take a break from being a star.

And of course say, "I do not think I will ever make original content again since I've lost the trust of this community, but if in a few years, I do try again, I will devote my time to properly crediting and uplifting other queer creators.

5. Requesting forgiveness

No. Don't do this. It's beyond forgiveness right now. Once james has SHOWN he's changed by educating himself and taking some time away from youtube, and DOING ALL THE RESTITUTION HE PROMISED, then he can ask for forgiveness.

Hope that helps.

#james somerton #hbomberguy #plagiarism

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vilentia · 11 months

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Fragments of Forgiveness

Billy Hargrove x reader

part 1 | part 2

Summary: When anger tears them apart, Billy must seek redemption to save their love. Will forgiveness prevail or leave their hearts shattered forever?

Rating: Mature (M)

Categories: angst, fluff

****

A couple of days had passed since that painful, anguished moment between Billy and you. The air was heavy with tension, and each passing second felt like an eternity. Billy had been tormented by his actions, unable to escape the remorse that plagued his every thought.

But as the days went by, a glimmer of hope began to flicker within him. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you, and he was determined to make amends, to prove to you that he was capable of change. The love he felt for you was a driving force, pushing him to become a better person.

With a newfound determination, Billy gathered his courage and approached you cautiously, his heart pounding with anticipation and a mix of fear and hope. He had rehearsed his words a thousand times in his mind, desperately searching for the right ones that could convey the depth of his remorse and the sincerity of his desire to make things right.

"Y/N," he called out gently, his voice laced with vulnerability. "Can we talk? Please, give me a chance to explain and to show you just how sorry I am."

You turned towards him, the hurt still evident in your eyes, but there was a slight softening in your expression. Your love for him hadn't vanished completely, buried beneath layers of pain and doubt. A part of you longed for reconciliation, for the possibility of rebuilding what was broken.

Hesitant but willing, you nodded, indicating your willingness to hear him out. Billy's heart soared with a mixture of relief and gratitude. Taking a deep breath, he started to pour his heart out, his words filled with remorse and vulnerability.

"I can't find the words to express just how deeply sorry I am, Y/N. The thought of hurting you, the person I love more than anything, is unbearable. My anger took control of me, and in that moment, I lost sight of everything that truly mattered. But now, with a clearer mind and a broken heart, I see the magnitude of my actions. I never want to be that person again."

As Billy spoke, you could feel the rawness of his emotions, as if he was baring his soul to you. His voice trembled, the weight of his regret hanging heavily in the air. He didn't try to make excuses or shift blame—he took full responsibility for his mistakes, acknowledging the pain he had caused.

Tears welled up in your eyes, mirroring the depth of the emotions within you. The love you felt for Billy hadn't vanished completely either, buried beneath the pain and doubt. The desire to rebuild what you had once shared began to stir within you, cautiously reawakening hope.

"I want to believe you, Billy," you whispered, your voice quivering with a mix of hesitation and longing. "But we have to take things slow. Rebuilding trust will take time, and we both need to work on ourselves. Can you promise me that you'll try?"

Billy's face softened even further, his eyes glistening with tears of remorse and determination. He reached out, gently taking your hands in his, a silent pledge of his sincerity.

"I promise you, Y/N," he vowed, his voice filled with unwavering determination. "I will do whatever it takes to earn back your trust and to be the person you deserve. I will show you, every day, just how much I love you. Actions will speak louder than words."

And in that moment, the weight of his apology transcended mere words. It was in his tender touch, his earnest gaze, and the genuine vulnerability he allowed himself to show. Billy knew that love wasn't just about grand gestures or flowery declarations—it was about proving himself through consistent actions, day in and day out.

As you looked into each other's eyes, a silent understanding passed between you. It was a fresh start, a chance to heal and grow together. And with the weight of the past slowly lifting, you both knew that the journey ahead would be a challenging one, but it was a journey worth taking—for love, for forgiveness, and for the possibility of a brighter future.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove oneshot #billy hargrove angst #billy hargrove stranger things #billy hargrove drabble #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #billy hargrove fluff #billy hargrove fic #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x f!reader #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove blurb #billy hargrove needs a hug

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muffinsin · 3 months

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Hello muffin tis i, deluded anon with another ask. Tw for ablism i think? I am autistic and get called slurs and mocked for it by my family n friends, such as the r word n whatnot. If theres any issues that cause me stress like putting the cutlery away- they are too loud and hurt my head. Or if my clothes and everything touching me burns n pricks me, being mute on occasions i get told to get a grip n to shut up- then told off later if i was in public. They treat other autistic people differently from me n reassure them that its ok n valid but its not ok for me to be like that. Anyways i dont really do people and am attached to my teddies n plushies- they have feelings. I always take the most care with them n i dont want them to be uncomfortable, they all call me delusional and a not right for loving my plushies (and fictional women)more than them.

So what would happen if the reader were to be autistic and a maid in the castle struggling with some certain tasks and the rest of the maids treating the reader like how ive been treated (if that makes sense. Idk if i’m making sense) so readers kind of like the laughing stock for them, unbeknownst to the sisters until some maid rips a teddy or comfort item.

How would the sisters react to this? I dont think theyd like it nor tolerate it due to cassandra being autistic and daniela having adhd.

I’m sorry this is such a long ask and quite frankly too much of a self centred one. I have no idea if this makes sense- i apologies sincerely if this makes you uncomfortable in any way. Please dont feel pressured to write this.

I can 100% see the rendition of lion king being played out with dani 😂 she would without a doubt try n blag her mother into making her sister make up for being mean to her, like forfeiting a maid to her.

Of course! I’m very curious about this ask tbh and hope I’ll do it justice :)

A few things first up under the cut, if anybody wants to skip to the start of the HCs, it’ll be marked for you😊

TW: ableism, bullying

Let’s get into this! :)

Masterlists

Tbh I’m hoping I’ll be able to get this right! I’m not autistic myself and am only going off what I’ve read here and experiences I’ve been told about by friends.

First thing I want to say hon, is that you are absolutely, 100% valid.

Nobody- and this includes you- deserves to be called slurs or treated wrongly for such reasons. There is no justification to it at all. To treat you differently while claiming to be accepting with others is awful, and I sincerely hope you will find people decent and good enough to accept you, friends especially :)

Also- plushie superiority honestly XP What are their names?👀 Have you got a fav? Or is it an I-love-them-all-equally- situation? Honestly, regarding what you’ve said about plushie love not being okay? I call bs on it. I find plushie love is one of the sweetest there is, even when I don’t have that many myself, I greatly treasure the few plushies I still have. Heck yeah XD

Is the autism and ADHD for Cassandra and Daniela canon? Or a HC?👀 I’ve never heard of it

(Lion king drabble mentioned: here)

Aight that’s it from me! This all probably made little sense, because ironically I cannot comfort at all, I suck at it in most cases, but I hope I still got the key points across somehow XD

Let’s get into it!

(Beginning of the ask)

Bela

She adores you, with all her heart

Bela loves you so much, each part of you

She tries her best to make life as comfortable as possible for you

Even if she can’t always relate to your struggles, she always attempts to ease them

The moment you open up about some of the things troubling you, Bela takes action

She takes special care to ensure the new uniforms are made of fabrics you approve and feel comfortable in, and orders them as soon as possible

Until their arrival, Bela has taken it upon herself to declare to everyone that you are not obliged to wear the old ones

Nobody dares to call you out for working in a shirt instead of the uniform, the order comes from Bela, after all, one of the highest of your superiors, right after Alcina

When the new uniforms are delivered, you can’t help but smile. They’re perfect!

Bela has the old ones disposed of, thrown someplace she can’t be bothered to know

Next, there are the tasks appointed to you

While she normally doesn’t get involved all that much in the staff’s business and shares a mutual respect with the grand chambermaid, she does interfere here

She requests that you are not given tasks in the kitchen as to not get overwhelmed by the loud noises

Nor does she wish for you to work anywhere near the basements

Of course, your lover would never allow you anywhere in the basements, even outside of work, even when she is lurking down there

It’s for safety purposes, most of all

Instead, you are usually appointed calmer places, such as the library or even the castle gardens or greenhouse at times

Bela is flustered whenever you remember to bring her a flower from the outside in winter

Aside from all these things, Bela is your shoulder to cry on, and your pillar to lean on

She never fails to reassure you how much she loves you, and how things you consider as flaws are endearing to her

She knows, sometimes you tend to be quiet, if not entirely mute

After a quick check in whether you’re all right, and you reassure her, she smiles widely

Bela treasures such silence, really

She enjoys to spend time with you, and sometimes silence is just what she needs

After all, the castle can be loud already, especially to her

Wrestling her screaming, kicking and bickering younger sisters all day and night often gives her a migraine

She loves simply cuddling in bed or sitting together, reading together or simply relaxing

Bela doesn’t mind your quietness, and she can easily either make conversation by monologing, or bask in it, even go as far as to close her eyes

She finds these moments precious

She knows nearly everything about you- all except one thing

Life among the staff

Bela doesn’t know of the torment you face, not quite

She doesn’t notice your anxiety when they make fun of you, doesn’t know about how uncomfortable you become when they poke you for fun

She doesn’t know an old uniform has been retrieved from the storage and switched with yours specifically merely to amuse the other staff members

You grit your teeth at the wrong fabric on you, the uncomfortable one that feels entirely too heavy and scratchy

No matter how much you search for the new uniform, it’s hidden far away beyond your grasp

Only when all your duties are done can your change out of it and back into your normal clothing, just in time for Bela to finish work and greet you with a warm smile

You don’t dare tell her, too worried what the other maids will do

After all, Bela can’t dispose of them all

Then there’s the noises…

How often you are brought to the edge of feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed when maids laugh and mock you, forks and knives in their hands as they slap them together

Like sticks hitting a drum, maybe

You are not oblivious to their laughter as you bury your head in your brown teddy bear and fluffy, blue arm sized blanket

Soon, you are indirectly appointed to the kitchens

Not by the grand chambermaid, nor by Bela

You feel uncomfortable at the hands grabbing you by the arms and leading you there

Their reasoning? If you don’t clean up, maidens will be hurt, and it will be your fault

Aside from this, with more hurt maidens and their panic increasing, so will the stress your girlfriend will have to face over trying to manage the castle

They know of your love for Bela, and often use it to have you do things you dislike

Such as picking up all the silverware from the wet sink, drying it in a towel of a texture you dislike, and putting them in the drawers

Their laughter and mockery rings out behind you while you’re made to finish their work

Still, as torturous as all of this is, their newest stunt is incomparable to it

As you find yourself hugging your stuffed bear yet again and cry into its fur at the loud laughter around you, you suddenly feel it tugged from you

Naturally, you try to hold on

Slurs are thrown at you. Mockery

You hear a particular loud cry, a maid calling you a baby, just before you’re suddenly sent back on the bed

You’re holding your teddy- as is the maid tugging it

Tears well up in your eyes as you hold its body, your eyes scanning the unattached leg now dropped to the floor

You feel someone snap their fingers right next to your ear and jump

More laughter

The women around you laugh and mock as you sink to the floor, your teddy and blanket held tight to you as you attempt to grasp the leg

It’s kicked in the corner of the room, and more laughter rings out when you crawl after it quickly

More harsh name calling, until eventually you grasp it

Unsurprisingly, you can’t just push it back on

You aren’t sure how much time passes until your girlfriend finds you

You aren’t even sure when you wandered off to Bela’s room. It’s as if your feet just automatically carried you to your safe place

She immediately swarms to you, her hands hovering by your arms

With a nod of your head, reassuring her it’s okay, she touches you

She immediately feels the change of fabric of your uniform. She knows, this isn’t the right one

Still, golden eyes set on the damaged teddy bear in your hands

Again, she waits for your permission before she pulls you on her lap, knowing you’re so distraught now

She grasps your hands and dries your tears, and gently holds the leg one one hand, the remaining teddy in her other

“He’s broken”, you sob, and Bela is quick to assure you

“Damaged, my dove, not broken”

She promises, she can fix your friend

And true to her word, she does

Urging you to change, she allows you to search her closet for anything that suits you

You watch with wide, hopeful eyes as she takes a sewing kid from one of her many shelves

Thankfully, your beautiful girlfriend enjoys branching out and learning so many new skills…

You watch with wonder as she adds stuffing back into the leg, and even allows you to pick a color to stitch it back together in

Dressed comfortably in her larger clothing and holding onto her pillows and your blue blanket, you watch as slowly, but surely, your friend’s leg is reattached

“He’s on bed rest now, you know”, she teases, hoping to bring a smile to your face

Bela portrays this picture of calmness for you, but rest assured, the moment she knows you’re completely calm and happy again, she will personally see to it that such actions are punished

She demands to know what has been going on with the staff, and offers you your own room, should you not want to move into hers

Bela smiles in self satisfaction as she hand picks the new recruits for cadou experiments, hunts, and, of course, Cassandra’s birthday presents ;)

Cassandra

She cares a lot about you, and is incredibly protective of you

Cassandra tries her best to make you comfortable

She knows, her fast, often dangerous and hectic movements can intimidate or scare away most. She doesn’t want that to happen with you

While Cassandra isn’t the best at listening, she takes in all you say whenever you are made uncomfortable by something

Such as the clanging of her weapons when she carelessly drops them all on a big pile

Her heart breaks a little when you cover your ears at the loud noise caused by metal hitting metal

Was she a dog, her ears would droop down

Instead, she immediately apologizes and tries to still the rocking blades

She makes sure not to clank them against one another again, instead is careful to place them down one by one

She grins widely whenever this earns her a kiss and a smile of yours

Her efforts are certainly not dismissed and ignored!

Then, there’s of course your like and dislike towards certain sensations

She can’t help but giggle when you fall into her bed the first time you touch it

She has all the perfect fabrics!

Cassandra is very picky as it comes to them, too

Her dress is tight, but soft

It doesn’t scratch along her skin and isn’t too soft to make her feel droopy. It’s just perfect to her

Her bed equals this

Soft, satin sheets she likes, and a few large pillows. Not too much, just enough for her to sleep comfortably

You love wearing her clothing. It’s perfect and doesn’t irritate your skin

In return, Cassandra doesn’t mind lending it to you, even if you don’t quite fit into it

All her clothing is custom made, such as Alcina’s dresses and the typical black dresses all three sisters like to wear

The crafter? None other than the famous other Lady of the village

Cassandra makes it a point to ask Donna for clothing made in your size. In return, she is ready to send across a few of the castle’s finest cooking ingredients

It’s working out well, and often she likes to surprise you with a new clothing item of your choice, made of a fabric of your choice

Cassandra doesn’t care for fabrics, merely the feel of them

She allows you to take charge whenever it comes to picking the right ones out

In the beginning, you worry Cassandra will mind your occasional silence

You’re all too happy to notice: she doesn’t

Cassandra talks often, but isn’t quite one for conversation

She likes monologuing, knowing you’re listening to her as she rants about her hunts and her sisters

She doesn’t take your silence as disrespect, though at times randomly reminds herself to check in whether you’d like her to keep talking or stay silent as well for some peace and quiet

She likes to bask in such silence sometimes, to have her head on your lap and play with a few of her flies while you stroke her soft hair

Another thing she’s surprised you by is regarding your stuffed animals

While she hasn’t quite got the connection to them you have, she respects it

Though, she will not allow all of them in her bed. She wants that space all to herself

Still, she is mindful to keep a corner of the bed empty for your stuffed animals, and only growls playfully when you shower them in love, subtly reminding you to place a kiss to her forehead, too

She can’t help but be a little clingy sometimes, after all

Cassandra doesn’t fault you for preferring plushies to humans. She isn’t exactly a fan of them either and rather sees them as nuisances or means to an end, after all

All except you. You’re her precious little human

And Cassandra wants to keep you safe at all times

Yet, there are things even she cannot seem to keep you safe from

Such as the staff members

You know, Cassandra doesn’t get involved with the maiden’s affairs unless to drag one to the basement

She is therefore unaware of the pokes and laughter that follow you sometimes

The slurs whispered your way… you know Cassandra would have their heads for it, yet you can’t seem to bring yourself to tell her

And they know it all too well

Your heart hurts when they talk to you, and in time, you know the only reason for this are dares

Dares, from one maid to another, to talk to you

Entertainment, as they chat and mock you subtly, trying to see how long it takes you to notice

You try to brush it off. To not let it bother you

Cassandra surely wouldn’t let it bother her! She seems so powerful…

Their words regarding this sting. How she could be with someone like you

When you’re allowing them to walk all over you

Some freak, as they say

Their words haunt you hours later even, when your shifts end and you’re cuddled up against Cassandra as she monologues about this and that while showing you her newest dagger

Then, there’s the little stuffed turtle you like to keep in your pocket

It helps you stay calm sometimes, even with the uniform being scratchy and uncomfortable

Often they laugh as they snatch your turtle from you, instead throw her through the air, right above your outstretched hands as you attempt to catch your precious friend

All other stuffed animals are kept safe in Cassandra’s room. All but this one

No one would dare venture into her territory merely to taunt you

No maid is this foolish

You gasp when the turtle is thrown yet again, high in the air in the main hall, right above your hands even as you jump to reach it

Your eyes widen when your precious stuffed animal lands right in the fireplace

Thankfully, not a lit one. It’s summer, thankfully, and the castle is warm enough as it is

But it’s hot, and dirty, and smears black dust and ashes all over the green fur

“Freak”, they taunt as they pass you, crying and attempting to wipe the dirt off

Cassandra finds you easily, having heard your fast heartbeat indicating your panic attack even from the basement

You can merely look up at her as she kneels down, her gloves easily pulled down by her teeth as she holds the little turtle

She’s very careful no blood is smeared on it or you, and opts for staying a little distant upon realising she’s covered in it nearly from head to toe

You don’t seem to mind, you can only look at the turtle, impossibly small in Cassandra’s large hands as strong fingers rub over the dirt gently

A stain remains, and you smile watery. A battle wound, maybe?

The thought comforts you only slightly

You suppose, a scar, a battle wound, wouldn’t be the worst thing…Cassandra has them, after all, scars littering her backside from challenging fights

She won, in the end

Upon demanding what happened, and hearing your tale, Cassandra sees red

She wipes the back of her hand against her lips to clean her bloodied lips, then presses a small kiss to your forehead before she swarms off

In the days to come, plenty examples are maid

Maidens are set free only to be dragged back screaming and badly hurt, begging for forgiveness as they are killed in front of the others

Others are immediately dragged to the basement

And the remaining two that have started it all, are devoured alive in front of the rest of the staff, Cassandra’s warning screamed from their lips

Never, never, will she allow someone to mistreat you again

She keeps a close eye on you, and often opts for having a few flies buzzing around you when you aren’t with her

Daniela

Daniela is a hyper little thing, full of energy and love that she wants to shower you in

She’s very clingy with you, but also incredibly perceptive

More so than her other two sisters, even

She picks up on your slight grimace when it’s dinner time and the rattling of silverware irritates your ears

Without having to tell her, Daniela is more delicate in her movements with her fork and knife- she was the main source of this noise after all, smacking them together because she is generally too energetic to sit still

Instead, she merely swarms around excitedly and annoys her sisters until the food is served

She also notices- you don’t like every clothing item she has to offer

Some just- don’t take your pick, and at first she is a little hurt

She doesn’t understand why, and worries you might think she has horrible taste

Or perhaps don’t want to wear a gift of hers altogether

Daniela tends to overthink fast, and quickly becomes a little hesitant to shower you in gifts when you don’t seem too happy with the two dresses she’s brought you

While she is all for comfort, Daniela doesn’t mind scratchiness of her gowns

Being put in so many of them for balls and events hosted by Alcina, she has learned to ignore the urge to scratch and the annoying itch caused by scratchy sleeves

Overall, she still loves gowns, and isn’t bothered by differences in textures

When you explain to her that you feel differently about this, it’s a little difficult for her to understand

However, Daniela cares about you, and if you tell her this fabric is bad fabric, she’ll tear it to pieces for you, as though you’re her fair maiden and she is the knight protecting you from the fierce dragon!

She often makes slashing noises as she does though, a little too invested in her fantasies

You don’t mind

You think her creativity and fantasy endearing, even

Daniela is curious, though. Often she will randomly swarm to you to ask whether something is good or bad, just out of curiosity, and maybe because she’s turned it into a game

She wants to see if she is getting better at telling what is good and what isn’t, so her surprises and gifts for you are ones you can actually enjoy

She brings you fabrics of gowns and shirts, food and drinks, and even once a very grumpy Bela to question whether her sister feels bad too

She claims she does, with a large, shit eating grin on her face, and you smile as her laughter is heard through the halls when she is chased down for such behaviour, likely made to sit and listen to another lecture of the blonde should she be caught

You find, you look forward to hearing Daniela complain about it

While Daniela can be very loud and hyper at times, and often enough you join in, she doesn’t mind times you’re quiet either

She had no trouble at all leading a conversation, either monologuing or talking for so long and so fast, there’s no way for anybody else to join in anyway

Often, when she notices you’re in a quieter mood, she’ll take control of the conversation until the other person leaves

In return, she only expects a smile, and a kiss to her face

Yet, as much as Daniela dotes on you and coddles you, there are others who are not as sweet

Others, who do not make you feel as welcome

Others, who dare make you feel as though you aren’t normal. Not “right”

The maidens at Castle Dimitrescu can be ruthless, sometimes, especially to outsiders

Being Daniela’s partner has made you an outsider

And having autism has made you their target

They thread carefully at first, knowing you are not only under Daniela’s protection, but by this also under Bela and Cassandra’s

Should they hurt you, it hurts Daniela, after all. Alas, you have three murderous fly women on your side

However…what they don’t know…

It starts off with a group of four who take, seemingly, immense pleasure in taunting you

Their hatred comes from being small minded, and jealous, yet knowing this does nothing to help you

They don’t understand- how come you get to wear a different uniform than them?!

How come you never have to clean up the table and wash the dishes and silverware?

How come you get to work in quiet, reserved locations and get to take so many breaks, while they are to work near the entrance to the dungeons, the screams of their fellow fallen maids taunting them

How come they fear for their life, and you never need to?

You are a target by far too soon

You often find yourself crying and hiding at your bed as they laugh and bicker about, silently wishing Daniela opts for a random visit and slays them all

She doesn’t, and won’t. She isn’t allowed into the maid quarters

Their shrill laughter and loud voices hurt your ears, and as you find yourself clutching one of the stuffed animals not tucked away in Daniela’s room- a grey, knit bear- they laugh even more

Soon, you are titled as a baby and inhuman for your affection towards the stuffed animal

You feel fear shoot through you whenever you don’t find him sitting at your pillow

Often, they wave the teddy in front of you, snickering and commanding this and that

They’re playing God, and for moments you feel as though they are the predators of this castle

With the wish to receive your stuffed animal again, you clean their beds and bring their plates, silverware and cups to the kitchens after supper

Usually, you receive your bear again

Not yet this time, it seems

“Go and get it, if you dare” they snicker as they throw it down the stairs to the basement

You gulp. You know, you aren’t supposed to go down there

No maid is, but especially you

Even Daniela has forbidden you from stepping in the cellars

You shudder at the memory of her truthful description upon being asked what lies down there. Monsters with swords and sickles, mold and blood, pain and the reek of the dead, corpses and torture chambers

But…your bear

You venture down as they snicker, and jump when the door clasps shut behind you

As tears sprint to your eyes, you hear a lock. No going back now, either way

You gulp at the loud whimpers and cries, and the distant screams and groans of the undead

It’s dark, and you can barely make a thing out

You jump when you hear a loud gasp from one of the cells and a hand reaches through the bars, as though to reach you

Immediately, you keep on running

More hands shoot out, some grazing your arm and dirtying your uniform, others mere inches away from your skin

You nearly trip a few times, the floor stony and littered with buckets, thrown over tables and chairs, dull knives and what not

It’s so dark, so that you can barely make out your own hands and the ones reaching for you

You shriek as a body bag drops in front of you, immediately taking off to run another direction

Again, you scream, when you run into something

A monster?! It’s so dark you-

“Uh-“

You blink at Cassandra’s voice, and upon opening your eyes, you find golden ones staring down at you

She seems almost unsure. You aren’t supposed to be in the basements, and were you anybody else, she would have already dug her sickle into you and called you a foolish prey for running right to her

But…you’re Daniela’s

You jump at a second gasp, and whine when another pair of golden eyes sets on you

Thankfully, these do not belong to Bela Dimitrescu. You recognize the light green colour shining through gold in them

Daniela!

She gasps when you run into her, quickly adjusting her hand so you don’t run right into the scalpel you can’t see in the dark

Immediately, her shock is covered by concern when she smells the fear surrounding you

She demands to know what you’re doing her, even if she feels flustered upon thinking you might have missed her and wanted to see her bad enough to venture into the cellars

Upon opening up about the bear, you feel her grasp your hand tightly

She promises, she’s going to find it with you

You nod shakily as Cassandra grins, having just received a reason to go upstairs and cause some more trouble along the maidens

With a lit torch held tightly in Daniela’s hand, it’s by far easier to navigate the dim basement

You realise the hands reaching out were maids, now backed far in the corner of their cells to avoid Daniela’s gaze

But the redhead doesn’t mind them. She is focused on finding your bear

And find him she does, after a while of searching

You nearly whimper when she holds it up between two fingers, the fabric soaked in blood and dirt and a rat having already started to eat away at its side

She hugs you tightly as she explains, it must be disposed of

It’s a major health risk by now, having been exposed to the mold of the basement and who knows what else

You spend the next couple of days entirely in her bed, cuddled up under the covers and crying your heart out between your other stuffed animals

At last, Daniela enters, a nervous smile on her face

You notice her hand behind her back, and lift your head curiously

“So, I know it’s not the same, but I told Bela what happened and asked her to fix it…”, she trails off

You can’t help but smile and cry as she pulls her hand to the front, a bear, knit nearly perfectly and in the exact same colour as yours, sitting in her palm

“She’s actually really good at this stuff. I made her make me an octopus. I named her Sally”

#cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #resident evil village #deluded anon

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tearfallpixie · 2 months

Text

Make Mama Happy - Chapter 2

Lots of updates in this chapter. I hope you like it 🖤🖤🖤

Tags: @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me @beaker1636 @itsjustemily @witchyweeb34 @agravemisstake @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @faceless-mirror @nonamessblog @yournecessaryevil @black-damask1999

@lyschko666 @vinyardmauro @skulliecadaver-blog @some-daniela @latenightmusiclover

“I talked to Rick.” I scowled at the mention of the guitarist’s name and looked up to glare at my friend. After the party Heather had sought out Richard, and the truth unraveled quickly. He confessed to lying to Vinny about me creating a web of lies so that the drummer didn't get involved with me. The revelation had triggered a storm of emotions and after a lot of screaming and fighting, Heather had shown up on my doorstep at 2 am sobbing about how sorry she was and It became evident she hadn't realized the depth of his dislike for me.

Despite the betrayal, I couldn't bring myself to blame Heather for the actions of her dumbass boyfriend. I let her in, and together we sought solace on the couch, drowning our sorrows in a shared bucket of ice cream.

“Oh?” I asked, feigning nonchalance.

“He feels bad about what he did.” Heather mumbled meekly, her voice tinged with desperation. I scoffed and stood from the table to slam my plate into the sink.

“He called me a fucking whore.” I snarled, the anger bubbling to the surface, earning a guilty and scared look from Heather. “I would never do that to you.”

“I know! But he sounded sincere.” She pleaded, trying to get me to understand.

“He can fuck right off. I will no longer come to anything with you that he is attending.” I declared, cutting through her attempts to justify his behavior. She went to protest, but I turned my back on her, my resolve unwavering. “I have to get to the winery. I’ll see you later.”

I heard a slight whimper from her but couldn't bring myself to turn around. Once the retreating footsteps faded and the door closed, I glanced over my shoulder. Left alone in the large, empty house, I let out a shaky, angry breath. Richard Olson was the biggest asshole in the world, and forgiveness was a distant notion at that moment.

I reached for my black pencil skirt and crisp white blouse, the professional attire I typically chose for my role as the winery's event coordinator. While my usual day was spent in the office, occasionally I found myself pouring wine and interacting with guests. Collecting my composure, I took one last glance in the mirror, reaffirming my strength before heading out to the winery.

“Nichole! We have a special guest coming today so we want you to take care of them. We’re short staffed today so we need you as backup.” The front of house manager, Rachel, called as I walked through the door.

“Of course. Who is it?” I asked, dropping my coat on the rack and trying to remember any events I had scheduled today.

“The reservation is under the name Kyle Mauro.” Rachel informed me. I froze and turned to her, the familiarity of the last name striking a chord within me. Mauro was Vinny's last name, and the possibility of it being a mere coincidence seemed remote. Justin, the bassist for the band, also shared the same last name, albeit with a different spelling. It left me praying for the odds of this being some random person to be the likely situation.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll take care of them," I promised, my tone steady despite the uncertainty that accompanied the name Kyle Mauro. I couldn't shake the suspicion that this encounter might complicate my day, but I reminded myself to take a deep breath and put on a smile. I still had to be professional despite who this turned about to be.

"Thank you so so much. They'll be in the private suite," Rachel expressed her gratitude, and I nodded in acknowledgment. Stepping into my office, I immersed myself in the tedious but necessary task of paperwork, a temporary respite before the winery opened its doors to the patrons.

As I focused on the files and documents spread across my desk, a few employees entered my office with queries about time off or concerns related to their pay. I addressed each issue as best I could, ensuring that everything was in order before the busy day started.

Before I knew it, the clock struck 11 am, and the winery's doors swung open to welcome the first wave of visitors. Rising from my desk, I straightened my skirt, ready to transition from the paperwork to the dining room.

As I entered the bustling dining area, I noticed the early arrivals, most of them tourists enjoying the wine-tasting tours that some companies offered allowing them to visit several wineries in one day. With a quick glance at the table map, I saw that the area that needed coverage was the upstairs section where the private suite awaited Kyle later in the day. I walked up to the top floor and admired the above view of the dining room as I ascended the stairs.

“Good morning!” I cheered, giving my brightest smile to the 4 girls sitting at the only currently occupied table. “What are you four beautiful ladies in for?” I teased.

“We’re here for Barbra’s bachelorette party. She’s getting married in a week so we took a girls vacation.” One of them gestured to the girl next to her.

“Well I will make sure you gals have a wonderful time. Are we here for a tasting?”

"Yes, please! We heard raving reviews about this place, so we had to check it out. We also want to try a charcuterie board," the guests enthused, their excitement palpable. I jotted down their order, and went to the office on this level to send it down to the kitchen, beforeI grabbing the first wine for them to taste.

I engaged in friendly conversation, offering insights into the flavors and nuances of each selection. As I navigated through their wine tasting, a few more tables trickled in, some of them just coming in to grab a single glass of wine. The first level buzzed with the pleasant hum of satisfied customers while the upstairs stayed peaceful.

By around 2 in the afternoon, the top level had emptied, leaving me with some slow moments to finish up some paperwork. Seated in the little office, I immersed myself in my task, the rhythmic sounds of the winery serving as a background hum.

I heard a vibration on the table next to me, indicating a new text message so I picked up my phone. I glanced at the screen, curious about who was contacting me.

R: Kyle Mauro is here. Can you come escort them up?

N: Be right down

Tucking my paperwork back into its folder, I set it to the side before descending the stairs. Midway down, my attention was drawn to the front desk, where a familiar curly mop from the party caught my eye. Beside him stood an equally familiar drummer, his scowl evident as if he'd prefer to be anywhere else.

"Kyle Mauro?" I questioned as I approached them, trying to keep my voice steady so as to not show my annoyance at the unwelcome guest. Vinny's eyes snapped to mine, and his scowl deepened, a clear sign of discomfort and tension in the air. Kyle glanced over and elbowed his brother in the side before turning back to me with a beaming smile.

"Yep! You're Nichole from the party, aren't you?" Kyle said, his demeanor distinctly warmer than Vinny's. Despite the tension radiating from the drummer, Kyle's amiable nature seemed unaffected.

"Yeah! What brings you two in today?" I inquired, picking up two menus and motioning for them to follow as I led the way back up the steps.

"I'm getting married and wanted to come taste some wines from here for the special day," Kyle beamed with excitement, his joy infectious.

"Congratulations! Who's the special lady?" I said, deliberately ignoring the glares sent my way by Vinny, who seemed less than thrilled to be in my presence.

"Man, actually," Kyle revealed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, but my warm smile remained unaltered.

"Well then, congratulations. That is exciting. Let's find you the perfect wine," I offered, leading them to the private suite. As a gesture of goodwill, I put in an order for a charcuterie board on the house, ensuring their wine-tasting experience was accompanied by a delightful selection of complementary flavors.

"We didn't order this," Vinny snapped when I brought the charcuterie board to the table.

"I know. It's on the house. I wanted to do something nice for you guys," I replied calmly, maintaining a composed demeanor as I saw a fleeting expression of guilt cross Vinny's face. Internally, I couldn't help but smirk at the subtle shift.

"The first wine is a sweet Moscato, a vibrant blend with aromas of tropical fruit and honey. It's a little sweet with a hint of acidity, perfect for sipping while imagining a beautiful beach vacation. I'll leave you to enjoy that for a bit and then come back with the next one," I explained, taking a step into the adjacent office to put away the wine bottle.

The thin wall between the two rooms served as an unintentional amplifier for sound, making it so that no conversations were truly private. As I organized the wine selection, I couldn't help but overhear their discussion outside.

"I appreciate you coming along, Vin. I know you don't want to be here, but I wouldn't want anyone else's opinion but my best man and brother," Kyle spoke with genuine gratitude. “You know, you should really think about settling down. Mama is going to start setting you up if you don't bring someone home soon," Kyle suggested.

"I know. I don't trust just anyone. Most people just want to get in my pants to get close to Rick. I love the man, but his good looks piss me off sometimes," Vinny confessed. He seemed a lot more relaxed when I wasn't around and it honestly intrigued me at how gentle he sounded. I didn't realize that he felt that way about Richard though so it kind of explained why he got so defensive at the party.

"Speaking of him, are you ever going to apologize to that pretty lady in there? I mean, he made it pretty obvious that he lied," Kyle asked.

"Why do I have to apologize? It was his lie. Plus, I still don't like her. She seems stuck up," Vinny retorted, I could practically hear his scowl deepening as he stood firm in his reluctance to extend an apology. I couldn't help but scowl in return, pondering various ways to put the obstinate drummer in his place.

"I don't think that's fair to her. Plus, Mama would love her," Kyle reasoned, with a light hearted hint to his voice. "You should do it to make Mama happy."

"Not her," Vinny insisted, his resistance unwavering.

"Well then you have to bring a girl to next week's dinner, or I'll tell Mom you agreed to going on blind dates. Maybe she'll set you up with Betty Lou," Kyle teased, provoking a disgusted noise from Vinny. I couldn't help but snicker as I overheard their banter while pulling the next bottle of wine from the fridge.

"Ugh, I'll find someone. Just shut up," Vinny conceded, his tone indicating a desire to put an end to the discussion. Seizing the opportunity, I approached the table with the next bottle, noting that they had finished their glasses.

"How did we like that wine, boys?" I asked sweetly, maintaining a professional demeanor and not giving any hint that I had overheard their earlier discussion.

"It's good, but neither of us are really sweet wine people," Kyle replied, offering a warm smile. I nodded in understanding.

"Then you might like this next one; it's a semi-sweet but not too overbearing," I suggested, smoothly transitioning to the next part of the wine-tasting experience. We continued working through the selections, finding three wines that Kyle and Vinny deemed suitable for their upcoming celebration. Surprisingly, Vinny remained civil throughout the process, although I couldn't help but notice the occasional lingering glance.

"Thank you for everything," Kyle murmured appreciatively as I brought over the wine selection he had purchased. Vinny's brother pulled me into a hug before making his way back down the stairs, leaving Vinny behind. The drummer cast one last glance my way, his expression inscrutable, before following his brother.

As the private suite door closed behind them, I took a deep breath, momentarily relieved that the wine-tasting session had concluded smoothly despite the underlying tensions. The winery's atmosphere returned to its usual buzz of activity, and I resumed my duties, hoping to forget about the red haired drummer.

#motionless in white #miw band #vinny mauro #vinny mauro fanfic

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mattraeax · 9 months

Text

Stitched

Zoro x Reader [1/?]

WC - 1164

Warnings ↔ mentions abuse (work + additional notes), alcohol (work + additional notes), zoro kinda really sucks ass in this, OOC Luffy (? idk he's serious so to me that counts)

Notes ↔ i debated making this third or first pov but I said fuck it and did second bc it irritates my friend so badly AND bc it helps feedback putting yourself in a situation, excuse the shittiness of it im so out of touch w/ writing anything not genuinely disturbing LMFAO; additional notes/vent at the end I REALLY really need some advice 😭

IF YOU SEE THEY/THEIR WHERE YOU/YOUR IS SUPPOSED TO BE NO YOU DON'T 😁

story under "keep reading as to not clog/give you carpal tunnel <3

It was a cool night out in the Alabasta desert and Ace decided to make up games around the campfire to ease tensions about the war. Everyone was sitting around talking and enjoying themselves, occasionally breaking the peace was Ussop yelling at Luffy to "leave the fire to the fire man please" when he started to “cook his food over here so you all won't take it”.

You were enjoying the chaos, speaking with Nami when they felt a hand on their shoulder. "hey I need to talk to you" Zoro said, practically dragging you behind a pair of boulders some ways away from, the crew. "Why don't you treat me like a priority?" Before you could even look up at the man, he began rapid-firing questions like an interrogation. The two of you had been together for what seemed like forever and he felt you didn't value them. "Why don't you talk to me as much as you talk to Nami or Ace or Ussop? How come you don't ask personal questions about me?" he continued on and on, pouring his heart out. You grabbed Zoro’s hand, leading him to sit on smaller rocks.

"Zoro are you drunk? What's going on?" you asked, but you already knew. Zoro wasn’t a man of face to face confrontation if it didn’t involve violence unless he was at least buzzed. He knew you were concerned and somewhat appreciated it, but he was upset. He continued to stare, waiting for a response. You looked him in the eyes and squeezed his hands gently. "Zoro. My love, I am sincerely sorry I treat you the way I do to where you don't feel like a priority in my life. As you know I’m sick and am almost always asleep or on the verge of it, and barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone come to find and spend time with you but that’s no excuse. You are truly the most important person in my life and I'm sorry I'm not making you feel as special to me as I know you are.” You sighed, leaning their elbows on their knees, and spoke as softly as possible to avoid further emotional strain. “I don't ask you questions because you tell me everything before I can even think of what to ask. I told you how I feel about you drinking so much. I know you have a lot going on in your head but I’d rather you just talk to me. I hate it when you drink so much Zoro."

He squinted, seemingly trying to make sense of your words. “Y/N I get you're tired all the time but that's no excuse. I always still find time for you when I'm busy and I can't figure out why you won't do the same. I’m not saying all of this to make you feel bad but it's been for months now. I feel like I'm a side piece to you. I don't feel like this relationship is working, sometimes it feels like its all one sided because we barely interact. The way you treat me makes me feel abused by you. Emotionally physically and mentally I am being abused by you and your actions I feel like you just don't care.” Zoro continued on and on, repeating everything in different ways. You, however, were stunned. The love of your life has lost his mind. You blinked once, twice, and stood up. “Zoro. Im going to bed. Please keep your distance from me I need to think some things over.” At the mention of space, he stood up and raised his voice just enough to draw the crew's attention. “You will stay here while we finish our conversation Y/N L/N.”

You turned around in shock at being shouted at, trying to calm yourself before making this any more painful. “Roronoa Zoro, it’s not much of a conversation when all you do is drone on and interrupt me when I answer whatever question you've asked for the nth time in a row. I hate when you don't listen yet demand I change my actions. It’s not my fault you choose to ignore me when I try to speak to you or go to bed not 10 minutes into our alone time everytime. I tell you every time when I don’t feel well enough to hold a regular conversation or when I’m exhausted beyond belief but you’re so dense you think I’m lying. You can’t figure out why I don’t communicate before you only think of yourself Zoro! You do not dictate what I do or when I speak with you. Leave me alone for now Zoro.” Everyone could have sworn the desert had never been quieter. Y/N was high on adrenaline, remembering why you loathe alcohol. In a heartbeat, Zoro was in their face, bent down at eye level. “You need to do better Y/N. I lov- well maybe not that word, that's too strong but I do like you a lot. I want to make this work with you. Get it together.” he gritted through his teeth. That was your last straw. Eerily calm, you backed up, muttered a very soft “okay” and walked back to the temporary base. Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable and sympathetic for them, as they had nosely listened to overheard everything. You picked up your sleeping bag and a spare piece of wood, walking up to Ace. “Hey I'm sorry to bother you but can you light this? Don't wanna ruin your lovely blaze here.” you weakly chuckled, gesturing to the fire.

He nodded, trying to make eye contact but failing as they looked away quickly. As they walked away from the group, Luffy approached them, slightly startling you. “Sorry didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked rather seriously, a rare but much-appreciated sight for them. You turned to your captain and the crew. “Please keep your swordsman away from me for a while. I may actually end up killing him if he’s anywhere around me.” Your tone set everyone on edge. Seeing everyone nod and affirm the favor, you slouched, finally relieved to be away from him. Between the flashbacks and the headrush of shouting, you finally felt safe. You felt your body grow weak and hit the sand. Luffy reached out to you but he was waved off. “I’m alright Luffy. Goodnight everyone, I'll be 56 paces this way when yall are ready to get going in the morning.” pointing over your shoulder, diagonal to where your “conversation” with Zoro took place for as much distance as possible. As you walked and set up for the night you couldn’t help but cry, remembering that any and every time alcohol was involved it was a disappointment. You wondered if you were the catalyst for everyone’s drinking habits as you finally got to sleep, absolutely dreading the morning.

↪

BASED ON A TRUE STORY (◎﹏◎) oh my god my partner (idek what to call him now I ain't spoke to him in bout a week n a half dog) called me drunk and called me all types of manipulative n abusive for not communicating enough (im chronically ill and the heat is NOT helping, he knows this) and called our relationship a situationship so that's always wonderful to hear. every line from zoro is either exactly or summed up what this mf said to me and oh my god I really just don't know what to do, I'm not sure if i wanna make it work or not

close friend said its manipulative as fuck n i need to get out bc every fight we've been in has been bc he forgot I said/told him something and he flipped it to me not communicating, I can see it but FUCK why is leaving so hard

#roronoa zoro #rae rites #zoro x reader #one peice #slight angst #zoro x you #one piece x you

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jordan-the-pious · 3 months

Note

Hello again! I have an update about my sister.

I think trying to hold a sincere conversation uh... Frightened her somehow? She didn't take to it well. She always did get nervous about uh. Real feelings...

Extremely recently, she filmed an indecent video showing off her undergarments and posted it online, specifically asking that it be spread around so she could get lots of attention. Then when she inevitably got disgusting messages from a dangerous seeming person, I had to hide said undergarments so she wouldn't sell them to this person!

Also recently I saw her sending a different dangerous seeming person a weird message revealing her real name and address, calling them a "walking red flag" and herself something like a "helpless deer with red-green colour blindness"????

Sydney is usually able to mellow her out without doing much, which is reassuring, but in no possible universe could I even consider just... Walking up to them and saying "Hello Sydney! Lovely weather we are having! Please babysit my younger twin sister for me. She is very self destructive and I am worthless! Thank you!" For uh... Many reasons! At least she's peaceful and harmless and not being harmed when she's asleep haha...

Oh gosh, I went completely off the rails here... I'm so sorry. I only meant to give you an update like you asked, but I think I got a little worked up...

~ @poorsadorphanposting

Hello there young Edin! Thank you very much for the update, I was rather worried about both of you.

I am sorry to hear that things did not work out well between you and your sister Esmee. I had hoped my advice would have served you well, and I am sad to hear that it seems to have made things worse. Please know that was never my intention.

In terms of Esmee's behaviour, this is all very concerning, I am tempted to say that she may be possessed by something malevolent, but I am worried that making an incorrect call in that area may cause more harm than good.

You mentioned that young Sydney seemed to have a positive effect on her, yes? But that you feel bad asking them to watch over her, which is understandable. You do not want to appear incapable of caring for someone who you care for and who should be relying on you. Perhaps I shall assign young Sydney to take watch over her, and inform me if more direct action is needed.

That way you would not lose face with anyone, and Esmee can maybe achieve the help she needs.

I do worry about you in all of this, young Edin. It cannot be easy seeing one so dear to you change and struggle like this. Know that if you ever need me, even if just to vent your frustrations, I am always here for you. And I know that this decision may be a long ways off, but if you ever become more comfortable with your relationship with your sister, know that there is always room for the both of you here. We would love to have you be a member of the church.

#asks #prayer list

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marahuyomae · 6 months

Text

The Duchess's Hope [Inazuma Eleven]

Prologue: Fuck you Monday, Hell is just a Sauna

[Previous] Series Masterlist [Next]

The cool morning breeze wafts through the hallways on this early Monday. The sound of footsteps and chatter can be heard throughout the busy hallway. Groups of students are mingling, but I walk alone, rushing to get to the library to help Mrs. Fukawa. My plans are forgotten when I bump into someone, lose my balance, and land on my bottom with a thud.

When I accidentally collided with someone, I quickly looked up to find myself face-to-face with Kidou Yuuto, the infamous soccer club captain at Teikokou. Everyone around him treated him as an authority figure. Any attempt to cross him resulted in severe punishment - not only that, but injuries or bullying among soccer club members were met with the Commander's wrath, which everyone knew was due to his pride in the team. After the collision, I swiftly shuffled backward on the ground, but Kidou-san proved too quick for me, grabbing hold of my ankle and dragging me to where he lay. My body trembled with fear, and I tried to run away, but he held me firmly, refusing to let go.A feeling of helplessness and despair took over me, with darkness enveloping my senses. I mustered up all my courage, staring defiantly back at Kidou-san, trying to maintain a carefree and casual demeanor. Despite my efforts, his green lenses failed to conceal the anger and irritation written all over his face. His grip on my ankle tightened even more, causing visible veins to pop up all over his face, further emphasizing his intense emotions.

More and more students started to gather around the commotion, whispering to each other without caring who might be listening and passing judgment on the two of us with cold stares. A thick tension permeated the air as time seemed to stand still. As someone who preferred to stay out of the public eye because of my unappealing personality and lack of charisma, I knew that my quiet days of anonymity were over if I didn't apologize.

"Kidou-san, I am truly sorry for my careless actions. It was not my intention to hurt you in any way," I replied, bowing my head and avoiding his glance. "Please accept my deepest apologies."

A moment of silence ensued before a familiar, deep voice spoke up, saying, "Follow me." The voice held my wrist tightly, seemingly to prevent me from escaping, even though I had no plans to do so. Instead, he pulled me along as he led me to a destination, which I assumed was Kageyama's office. There was an uneasy silence present throughout our walk, which made it difficult to maintain my doll-like expression. As we walked, several students gave us glances of either disgust or concern. Those who were disgusted were upset that they didn't get to be with their much-admired "Kidou-Chama," while those who were concerned were worried that I might not make it out of there alive.

As we approached the pair of heavy black iron doors, Kidou-san instructed me to stay put, which I swiftly obeyed. I simply stood there and prepared myself for whatever consequences awaited me. Although some may find this excessive, especially considering I had already rendered a sincere apology, this was none other than Kageyama's favorite disciple we were talking about. Kageyama values every member of the soccer club as if they were exquisite porcelain creations adorned with gold and silver. As a result, anyone who interferes with his disciples can anticipate facing significant retribution.

It seemed like no matter what, my time here at Teikokou was coming to an end. I had broken two rules, both of which were grounds for expulsion, and I was sure that I was in trouble. Not only had I gotten detention, but I was probably going to get expelled twice - if that was even possible. And to top it all off, my older brother would be disappointed that I had squandered my scholarship. But I was determined not to let him bribe anyone again, as that had gotten me into a bad situation before.

#anime #fanfiction #series #oc #oc insert #inazuma 11 x reader #inazuma eleven x reader #series x oc #inazuma eleven #inazuma eleven x oc #inazuma 11

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artandshid · 1 year

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Just a little part two to my last blurb, hope you guys enjoy. Not proofread.

“Caden I’m really sorry, but I think we should call it quits.” You went to Caden’s house as soon as you woke up in the morning. You’ve waited forever to be with Eddie and now that you have the chance, you don’t want to let some fling get in between you guys.

“It’s Munson isn’t it?” He asks you while looking at the floor.

“How did you know?”

“Y/n, everybody knew, we were all just waiting for him to get his head out of his ass.” He says with a laugh.

“Yeah I guess I never really kept it a secret. It’s always been him, I suppose.” You say shaking your head and looking to the sky.

“Trust me I get it, there’s always that one person. No hard feelings, swear.” He pulls you in for a friendly hug which you reciprocate.

“No hard feelings.” He let’s go and starts walking away from you, but you stop him.

“If you knew that it was him, why did you ask me out in the first place?”

“I liked you, I do like you. I was okay with being his rebound for a while. I was hoping I would help you get over him. Pretty stupid of me really.”

“It wasn’t stupid of you. It was stupid of me for using you to try and get over Eddie, when I knew deep down there was no getting over him, I’m so sorry.” You tell him sincerely. Feeling bad at your actions.

“All is forgiven, have a good life y/n.”

“Have a good life Caden.” He kisses your cheek and walks away. You let him this time, ready to move onto the next chapter of your life. The chapter where your dream comes true.

It’s time to talk to Eddie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You knock on the trailer door and Eddie answers almost immediately.

“Hey.” You say and give him a shy smile.

“Hi.” He smiles wide at you and stares lovingly into your eyes.

“Can I come it?” Eddie shuffle sour of your way.

“Of course sweetheart, of course.”

“Okay,” You sigh deeply, “I’m gonna start off by saying that I broke things off with Caden as soon as I woke up this morning,” He smiles wide and looks about ready to say something but you cut him off, “but before we continue with this I need to say something because you deserve to hear it and I deserve to get it off my chest.”

“Anything you want, I’m all ears princess.” He nods at you to continue.

“Okay,” you take a deep breath, “Eddie, my love, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I could remember. I’ve spent so many years trying to replace you in that part of my heart and I wasn’t being fair to you, I wasn’t being fair to those other boys and most importantly I wasn’t being fair to myself. I have loved you for so long. You’ve been my favorite person and my best friend and I can’t lose that. So you have to promise me that no matter where life takes us from now, that you will always be my best friend. Because I want to be with you more than anything else in this world, but if there’s a possibility that this can go wrong and you won’t be in my life anymore than I don’t want to do that.” You say and you have tears running down your face. And so does Eddie.

He comes forward to cradle your face and wipe away your tears with his thumbs, “Sweetheart, never ever ever will you lose me. I love you more than anybody as my best friend and as more. You are it for me and I will be in your life for as long as I am alive. I love you so much.”

“I love you too Eddie.” You sniffle but smile at him.

“You and Caden are officially done?” you nod.

He leans in and kisses you and it’s everything you imagine it to be and more. You have no doubts that you and Eddie will make. This chapter is going to be a very very long one.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson imagine #eddie x reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson x you #best friend! eddie munson #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic

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wolf-light3 · 7 months

Text

A Broken Heart (Park Sooyoung x Male Reader)

Joy and Crush's relationship had been the envy of many in the entertainment industry. They were two rising stars, their love story captivating fans and earning them a reputation as a power couple. But beneath the glittering facade, cracks had started to appear.

Crush's increasingly busy schedule had led to a growing distance between him and Joy. Late-night studio sessions, overseas tours, and constant work commitments had taken a toll on their relationship. Rumors began to circulate about his close relationship with Minji, a staff member who had been with Crush's team for years.

One fateful night, those rumors turned into reality when incriminating photos surfaced. Crush and Minji were captured in an intimate embrace, leaving no room for doubt. The photos were sent to Joy, and her world came crashing down.

The moment Joy saw those photos, her heart sank, and tears welled up in her eyes. Crush's betrayal was undeniable, and she couldn't believe that the man she loved could have done this to her.

She dialed his number, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and heartache. Crush picked up, his voice quivering as he heard the pain in Joy's voice.

Joy: (voice shaking) Crush, what is this? What have you done?

Crush: (stammering) Joy, I... I can explain.

Joy: Explain? Explain how you could do this to me?

Crush: (hesitating) It's not what it looks like. Sooyoung and I... it just happened. I never meant for it to go this far.

Joy: (voice breaking) How could you betray my trust like this? You know how much I loved you, how much we meant to each other.

Crush: (apologetic) Joy, I'm so sorry. I messed up, and I can't even begin to express how regretful I am. But please, let me explain.

Joy: (teary-eyed) Fine, explain. But I don't know if I can ever forgive you.

Crush took a deep breath, his voice filled with guilt and remorse as he began to explain his actions.

Crush: (softly) Joy, you have to understand that the pressure and demands of this industry can be overwhelming. The constant expectations, the long hours in the studio, the distance from loved ones—it can take a toll on anyone.

Joy: (skeptical) So, you're saying that because you were stressed, you cheated on me?

Crush: (regretful) No, that's not an excuse. What I did was inexcusable, and I take full responsibility for my actions. But what I want to explain is that Sooyoung and I grew closer because we were both going through difficult times. We leaned on each other for support, and it went too far.

Joy: (angry) So, you're trying to justify your cheating by blaming the industry and your circumstances?

Crush: (apologetic) No, I'm not justifying it. I'm explaining the context, but I know that it doesn't make it right. I should have communicated with you instead of betraying your trust. I should have been stronger and more loyal to our relationship.

Joy: (teary-eyed) Crush, I loved you so much. I never thought you would hurt me like this.

Crush: (sincere) Joy, I'm truly sorry. I understand if you can't forgive me, but please know that I regret my actions every day. I just hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Joy: (painful) I need time, Crush. I need time to heal and figure out if there's any hope for us.

Crush: (hopeful) I'll give you all the time you need, Joy. I just want you to know that I'm truly, deeply sorry for the pain I've caused you.

As the call ended, both Crush and Joy were left with a heavy burden of pain and regret. Crush knew he had made a terrible mistake, and the weight of his betrayal weighed heavily on his conscience.

Joy, on the other hand, faced the difficult task of trying to heal from the deep emotional wounds inflicted by the person she had loved and trusted the most. The path to forgiveness, if it was even possible, would be long and uncertain.

As the Red Velvet members gathered around Joy, offering their unwavering support, there was a moment of unexpected laughter that broke through the heaviness of the situation.

Irene, the group's leader and the eldest member, had always been the one to protect and guide her fellow members. Despite the gravity of the situation, she couldn't help but interject with a touch of humor to lighten the mood.

Irene: You know, if Crush ever tries to hurt you again, Joy, I'll personally snap him into two pieces.

Her comment was met with surprised laughter from the group. Joy, though still dealing with the pain of her recent breakup, couldn't help but chuckle at Irene's fierce and protective declaration.

Wendy: (teasingly) Irene unnie, I think that might be a bit extreme.

Seulgi: (grinning) Yeah, maybe we should just send him a strongly worded letter instead.

Yeri: (playfully) Or we can write a diss track and release it as a surprise comeback single!

The lighthearted banter continued, and the room filled with laughter. It was a moment of relief, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, the bond between the members of Red Velvet was unbreakable.

Joy: (smiling through her tears) You guys are the best. Thank you for making me laugh.

Irene: (softening her tone) Joy, we love you, and we'll always be here for you. And don't worry, we won't actually snap Crush into two pieces. But we'll definitely protect you from any more heartache.

The road to recovery would be long and difficult, but with her Red Velvet sisters by her side, Joy felt a glimmer of optimism that the future held the promise of happiness and new beginning.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day Joy called her manager and told him what happend. They decide to release a statement regarding their break up.

[Red Velvet's Management]

We regret to inform you that Joy, a member of the popular K-pop group Red Velvet, and Crush, the renowned R&B artist, have decided to end their romantic relationship. The decision was made after careful consideration of their personal circumstances and mutual agreement.

Joy and Crush have always been dedicated to their respective careers, and the demands of the entertainment industry have taken a toll on their relationship. Despite their best efforts to balance their professional commitments with their love for each other, they have faced numerous challenges that ultimately led to this difficult decision.

Both Joy and Crush hold each other in high regard and share immense respect for one another. They have decided to part ways amicably, with no ill will or animosity towards each other. Their primary focus at this time is on their individual growth and well-being.

Joy would like to express her gratitude to her fans for their unwavering support throughout her relationship with Crush. She hopes that her fans will continue to support her as she navigates this period of transition and self-discovery.

We kindly request that the privacy and emotions of both Joy and Crush be respected during this time. It is never easy to part ways with someone you care deeply for, and we ask for your understanding and empathy.

Joy remains committed to her work as a member of Red Velvet and will continue to bring her talent and dedication to her fans around the world. We appreciate your continued support for Joy and Red Velvet as they embark on their future endeavors.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[Red Velvet's Management]

#Park Sooyoung #red velvet #male reader #joy x male reader #park sooyoung x male reader #Crush

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positivelypositive · 1 month

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Hey I've been told I'm terrible at committing to people, habits, hobbies. I want to change that. I'm stressed that I used to be able to do a lot of hobbies like music, writing, learning different skills on art but over time, I stopped. I'm in need of advice on how to get back on my groove and keep up habit to ignore everyone pressuring me not to do art or music or writing etc. I wanna do me and live my own life. How do I do that without coming to being like some insensitive person to others?

anon added this later:

Hi this is the anon earlier. I feel pressured by my parents on what I wanna do for living but at the same time I have no idea what I wanna do now. I love my parents and family but sometimes felt like I don't understand what they want from me but neither do they. I am not sure about what I want to do next, but I want to try and change to be a better person. At the same time, I'm stressed with societal pressure myself. I also feel like I couldn't succeed like everyone else and just felt like my life is a dead end where I'm gonna be forced to live with my parents for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love them but sometimes it feels so overwhelming to be around them and their expectations yknow? And I want to try living out my life one step at a time but I'm not sure where to start and how to say 'I want to live independently from them and see where it takes me' because I don't know how to say that and I don't really think it's possible. I just felt like if I live with them, I might just live the life they dictated instead of living the life I wanted and I don't really know if it's the correct thing to say here. Thank you for having this space.

hey anon,

thank you for feeling like you could share with me. and i'm sorry that you're going through this.

if i'm honest, i am actually in quite a similar situation right now. even though i got to choose what i do for a living, i have started to find that my life has been consumed by work so much that it's all there is to my life.

i have friends and hobbies and down time but all of that feels forced. i struggle with finding the will to actually put effort into the things i used to enjoy like reading, drawing, and painting.

i'm sorry for sharing my own troubles in response to yours but what i want to say is that you're not alone. there are more like us who are struggling but i think being aware of what the problem is is a big step towards solving it so we're on the correct track.

as for a solution, i have been thinking about this a lot lately and it's usually a matter of comparison and assumption that scares me. comparing my life to others and feeling left behind. and assuming that i will remain "left behind". when in reality, i have no proof or logic to back either claim.

left behind means nothing as a human. there's one life. if you're sincere and you persevere then you're doing okay. and assuming things that you don't know about is preemptive and often unnecessary pressure we put ourselves through. and for what?

i know how this is easier said than done but i know you and i can do it. let's introspect and see where we are and where we want to go. let's build an action plan to get there. i'm taking a therapist's help along the way and maybe you can too.

as for family, i love mine to bits and also live with them. you can love someone and still not like everything they do or say. look into creating boundaries. that helped me.

hope this helps and i'm sorry for my own rant in response. sending you hugs and positive vibes 💜✨

#positively positive #anon ask #answered

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reapcrbunny · 1 year

Text

Hello.

To the Followers that remain, new people seeing this message wondering what thas been going on, and people checking on this blog to see if I’m still here . .

I’m writing this to express my apology and accountability for the last year and a bit that this blog ( and soulseekcr ) was active.

My original pinned with my rules doc attached has been replaced with this post but I will place my rules for prosperity purposes here. If you are reading this post on soulseekcr's blog, you will see it link to dahlia's rules document, though the rules information that has been updated was also updated on that too. Fair warning, this post is long and there will be no read-more, hence the content warnings below. I do not wish for it to be seen as me trying to hide something when I at this point am trying to be genuine, truthful and sincere in where I have failed.

Thus, the content warnings are as follows and read at your comfort or pace: mentions of grooming / predatory actions, my behaviour, boundaries being pushed, mentions of incest.

I implore people reading this already rolling their eyes to bare with this whole thing — please. This is not me tossing blame on other people. It’s just .. me. I know this is long. I apologize. I have much to apologize for and acknowledge. This apology is to the people who saw me in general and to who that hurt because of my past behaviour that, in 2016 - 2018 had been predatory and grooming. This apology is to the people that have been effected directly or indirectly from my actions of being in various servers either from their conception or later on — it was never at all my intent to “ block evade “ as I have been said to have. This apology is to the people who I made feel my writing(s) with them were coerced. I will get into everything if I can. If I miss something, I am sorry, there is a lot that is going around that I have done and without any real knowledge of what else there is besides what I know. I'm speaking about what I know I have done in years past up to the Australian date of 19th April 2023. This was written by me and me alone. Before you ask yourself or think to someone who may have prompted me to write this - no one has told me to make a statement or say any of this. This has been written over a course of a day throughout my work breaks and upon me returning home by my own volition. Thank you.

This apology will cover the grooming / predator accusations, the block evasion accusations, my behaviour and some other things that I believe have been brought up over the course of the last few days through people writing to me as a final goodbye through discord or other means. For starters: my intent was to try and find a community to interact in where I could possibly grow and change in. It is clear, obviously, that this action was taken as something more hurtful and my intentions? They do not matter. I’ve hurt people by existing in discord and certain tumblr spaces and effectively caused more harm. Making my blog over on soulseekcr was, in my mind, harmless. But to some it was seen as, once again, block evasion or someone I did out of malice. To say I did not, again, I know may not be believed and that is alright. I understand how things now look and how I can be believed is non existent. To comment on the apparent confusion, surprise and most likely ridicule, about my rules seeming to be non transparent is something I absolutely apologize over.

For the past few years ( since the edit done when my receipts blog was created in 2020 ) no one brought up the fact that my rules were hard to read due to the formatting itself or that the rule under where I dropped my receipts blog wherein my callouts are located was an issue or seen as me hiding my past. While it clearly does not matter now as, well, y’know … it has been updated to be at the very top and if I ever decide to write either here on this blog or anywhere on tumblr again it will be done in such a way. I am not placing blame on any one person for not telling me this, nor am I going to blame my autism OR my learning disability in full for it not clicking that when people seemed surprised over things that were in my rules when it was brought to them by other parties that, like, it was an accessibility, placement or a me problem rather people than just not reading. I am aware that I have absolutely expressed my disgruntlement on main ( and in private ) about it which, absolutely has been hurtful to the people who were affected by this. Again, I am sorry for not taking the steps earlier to move things around on my rules document sooner. Following the issue with my rules document not being clear or as some clarified " being too far down " … it does make sense wherein people would be surprised over the actions I committed seven years ago.

The behaviour of me writing smut or initiating smut discussions, sharing nsfw art that I have commissioned among other things related to smut content . . was understood to be agreed upon on my end to be something chill on all fronts. If I ever felt something was a little off I either clarified to make sure everything was okay / if comfort levels were okay or dropped the conversation. In my belief, if content being written was being continued then I didn't think anything was wrong as I believed comfort levels were intact. Clearly, they were not. Should I have been, like, more self aware? Probably. Was I? No. Despite my learning disability and autism in understanding things like tone in writing or subtle hints to be like 0% and with long covid throwing that into the negatives . . i still pushed boundaries. Whether I meant to or not does not matter. The excuse I used wherein I would be excited to write with people at all does not matter. People were made uncomfortable and I pushed your boundaries. To individuals I was under the impression I writing with and coming up ideas with -- I wasn't on top of it enough to catch onto discomfort and disassociation and I am at fault. I got caught up in writing something I believed to be at comfort level, when it was not due to signs i did not see - and that is on me. If boundaries were actively being pushed and told to me directly I would have backed off, apologised, and carried on with different genre's of content as I would have been aware that the consent of the nsfw was no longer, like, consensual. For that, to the probable boundless people I have hurt with this, I do not blame any of you for this. I was. Really excited to write with people who were giving me another chance at the time. I have even expressed this fact on voice calls or in text that I was just overjoyed to write with people or I needed communication on certain things - But I was blind to the fact that people were uncomfortable, noticeable or not in terms of distancing content and that is on me and I am sorry.

The grooming accusations? Regardless of my age and how I was just barely an adult at the time or not does not matter. Regardless of me not being sexual in any capacity to the the original maker of my 2018 callout ( wherein my grooming behaviour happened in 2016 - 17 ) or the other individual I dated prior to me turning 18 does not matter. What matters is that, yes, it happened. Regardless of me backing off or not, I was 18 - 20 and I voiced my crush on a minor ( and dated someone else when I was 18 after turning so ). It does not matter to individuals that these actions are not being committed anymore — I will be seen as a monster always to some and, while frustrating to me, that does not matter. What matters is that is how they feel and I respectfully accept that. I was short - sighted to believe that something I did seven years ago to such a degree was something that people could see me change from or that staying in my own lane was possible. I cannot see the man who hurt me as likely changing. It makes sense. It wasn’t and I was wrong. No amount of double checking, blacklisting on my end or trying to co-exist in servers or any activity was going to probably work. Could it have? Maybe a little better. Or not. In hindsight I genuinely don't know -- but I do know that my belief was wrong, unintentionally I continued hurting people directly and indirectly and I am sorry. The last few days wherein my initial statement was made and commented about incest only was my mistake alone. I assumed due to a previous interaction that it was only about that and proceeded to think I was being compared. I breached trust with someone who gave me that information, someone I do not blame this on as it was my fault for running with it and I am sorry.

The trauma the person who was warning the community about because of the grooming in 2016 - 2017 was ( is? tense is hard, I am sorry ) warranted. The belief that I am always and will be that to them, a groomer and/or unchanged, is valid as that is all I will be remembered as to them and anyone else who had been effected by my actions. To the person who made the callout: I apologize. I heard that you were dogpiled — that was not something I wanted nor asked for. Your request to avoid me and the people that wrote with me was valid, it never not was. My behaviour in the past ( and, clearly, in the present ) being made to seem as current set me off and I made a statement I asked if it was alright to make about it to what I thought was the case. I felt I was being chased into a corner and grew defensive. I had a meltdown because of this and stepped away from the conversation as I felt either me or the other person I was dialoguing with wasn't understanding or trying to rile me up on purpose. It was charged, I handled it wrong and I was seen to be deflecting the situation because I misunderstood and misinterpreted the situation -- it is no ones fault but mine. I made assumptions, I had a public meltdown in a server when confronted with the reality I didn't understand where it was coming from because I was triggered by words being spouted at me. As I explain above in terms of the coercion that I have made others feel been committed by myself, among literally everything else I've seen from people before they've left in their goodbye discord messages . . was such. Whether I meant to or not, people were feeling hurt by current behaviour or coersed. But because I grew hyperfocused on the belief that I was being compared to someone who was writing incestuous content actively I did not know about on main when it was brought to my attention. Due to the events being one after another ( like days apart ) I thought that ( guilty by association or writing said content with them ) was the reason I was being called out ( again ). I got upset. I thought it was something to just start a lie. I got defensive, blind to anything else and as someone has said: remorseless. To say I am remorseful as I had the chance to be disconnected and isolated from the situation since I was removed from servers, cut off from those who were people I talked to . . is true. I've sat and come out of defence and shut down mode, read the last messages people have given me and properly stepped away, went to work, and got my brain to realize the reality. I'm remorseful because I was not calm. I tried to express my understanding of my victims and those I hurt and how they feel by bringing up my own -- which, like, in my understanding . . to bring up how i relate to other peoples' experiences is to express compassion or understanding with the situation. However, it was viewed and made to feel as weaponizing my victimhood and spinning the narrative and I am sorry. I was upset, defensive and already under the assumption that something else was why I was being called out. I saw it as an attack that made no sense. I felt antagonized, grew childish and lashed out in the conversation which is plain to see. I did not understand where it came from so suddenly, as I thought I had steered away and kept distance from people I knew didn't like me in a " public space " but I know now that me just being there was not helping and I recognize that. I recognize that it is not about me and my change or lack thereof - it was about victims of my actions being heard. I am sorry that it took so long and I was either ignorant, blind or just ??? I don't know. In any case: the conversation has been documented several times at this point and by now is most likely on my receipts blog.

The actions and other behaviours I committed when I was younger ( and currently with those who I made feel coerced, lies, etc ) … it effected people and still does even when it happened 7 years past and now, recently. As a survivor of csa I understand completely in how it follows people and while I know my apology cannot fix the trauma, loss or hurt that has been caused: please know that I am sorry. I am sorry that due to my lack of awareness, my excitement to write with people or, like, common sense that my appearance kept being seen. I believed blacklisting would fix the situation or that it was the problem in the first place. It wasn't. I believed that the state my rules were at was fine. It wasn’t. It was not my intent for people to feel deceived or lied to due to the content I expressed above but, again, my view of it does not matter. It happened and I am sorry for it. Actions have been taken on my end for it to be deadly clear and you are welcome to look and see. While in my head, saying or acknowledging any of this feels like a moot point, because again who is going to believe me? Who is going to read this? Who knows. Even if no one does, it needs to be said. I believed I'd been doing better in engaging with people who brought up serious topics to me wherein boundaries were breached, I got called out in my behaviour, acted a fool and got hyperfocused on the wrong thing and stepped away from the conversation when I felt it was going nowhere because of my own fault of not calming down. My aim was to not try and control a narrative, my aim was to, in my narrowminded view, not be accused of things I thought I was not doing anymore. Regardless of being directly aware or not of the things I was doing . . it was happening. I was doing the one thing I never wanted to do again or be the cause of: hurting people I saw as my friends. Its not a fault of a lack of communication on both sides, it is me still being unable to recognize social cues or subtle cues that, hey, maybe someone is uncomfortable, it should not always have to be something that has to be punched in my face. It is something I need to continue working on and be more attentive of if I'm ever granted another chance or I write in another rpc again. Semi - finally, I want to apologize to the individuals, moderators and admins that ran servers I was in that were accused of harbouring me in some sort of guilty way. Your mental health has been effected irrevocably and I am sorry. I am sorry for indirect or direct words spoken in your directions. I am sorry to the people that had to either be triggered by the content discussed in the server itself to those who i made feel uncomfortable. I am sorry that my presence in my selfish attempt to have a safe space ruined yours. I am sorry to anyone and everyone that has been indirectly effected by this and your comfort shattered. I am sorry to the individuals that I made feel that my victimhood or my pain was more important than yours. Your pain has and always will be important, relevant and real. My behaviour that you ( and others ) more than likely brought up days ago, and the behaviour that has been more than likely been mentioned in the reblogs of the post, others' or, god knows where else . . was valid to speak out about. Thank you for doing it and holding me accountable. I have not seen everything said and I do not know if I ever will as it will 100% be a breach of boundary if I go looking on peoples' blogs. And I have already done enough damage. I want to thank my former friends and people who gave me a chance at all. I’m sorry that I abused that chance, your boundaries and the trust that was given.

Where will Miles be going to hide next you might ask, wondering when I'll shut up and end this very long post, disappear and reappear somewhere else under a different name. I am not going to hide is my short answer. But I don't have an answer for long term of what I am going to do. The answer I do have for the short term is to leave this post here and on @soulseekcr pinned. Leave avenue's open for dialogue or if anyone left wants to talk to me, and . . take an indefinite hiatus. I clearly need to reflect on what I have definitely blundered on and work on, again, the things I can work on to be more attentive to social / text cues. Actively being here when I have not, like, properly done so when I think I have is doing no one any good. I've made a mess of things. A big one. I know that people who have been hurt by me mayhap not have made it this far and I am aware of that. I am aware that my second chance ( or third or fourth ) has left the building and for that I understand if, in the future, I have run out of them. If I do return to this or any rpc, this blog will be the first to be updated with the url most likely under this pinned post. I do apologize in advance if I am seen in FFXIV, I've taken steps to remove from my friends list those I know do not wish to see me - which does, you know, make you not stand out to me. I am sorry if you see me, the blacklist feature is useless and we all know this. I am sorry if you get upset that I am either in your area, in your alliance or in your dungeon. I will say nothing. I will not bother you. I will not interact in any form besides to probably heal you if I am and then leave. Most likely I'll remain silent if I notice ahead of time. If I have already been removed from the FC's I was attached too - good. If not, don't worry, I've already likely deleted that alt or in the process after posting this to do so. FFXIV is a global game and while, again, my credibility is shot and at this point no one is bound to believe me . . I am not in the business of looking after people in the game to see what is going on. I'm not wishing to press boundaries that have already been run over by a truck.

Finally, I know that this post is being shared in private, picked apart and dissected before anyone even got down to this point. I am not in control of that and I am at the mercy of the ffxiv RPC, my receipts blog ( probably ) and anyone else picking this apart or wherever else it ends up. I hold no malice to the people that do this as it is fair and deserved. If anyone has questions, wants to talk or if anyone wants to discuss my statement ( calmly and without coming at me swinging and even if you do: that's fine. i will probably take an hour at most to read it over a couple times, breathe and then respond like a human being rather than someone just. like. unwilling to listen and defensive. ) I am available on discord ( ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴠɪᴇʀᴀ#7914 ; this will update if i update it ), through Twitter DMs ( @sayteenies ; this has no chance of changing or me moving ) or through tumblr DMs / asks — though this last avenue may take longer for me to respond to due to by above mentioned however - long - hiatus. Thank you for reading this monster of a post, everyone keeping me accountable, your time and sanity to get to the end.

Miles. | April 19 2023.

#Its Long. So Long. And I doubt I covered every single thing.#If I missed something I've done I am very sorry.#People are More than Welcome to Like this Post if it has -#Been seen. I doubt it will be liked and that is fine but. Yeah.#OUT OF CHARACTER ㅤ ㅤ ( ㅤ 🐇ㅤ ) ㅤ ㅤ — ㅤ ㅤ blog updates.#out of character ㅤ ㅤ ( ㅤ 🐇ㅤ ) ㅤ ㅤ — ㅤ ㅤ clown honks at the dash. its milays #apology tw #callout mention tw #milesreceipts #long post tw #ask to tag further.

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nebulouscoffee · 4 months

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10, 15, 35, 43 for the Trek ask game?

Thank youuuu and sorry for the late answer! Love these questions <3

10. Which alien pet would you most want for your own?

Honestly I have always been very charmed by Worf's childhood pet domesticated targ (portrayed by Russian wild boar Emmy-Lou😂) - but I would happily adopt a Bajoran hara cat, Cardassian vole, or that cute lizard who climbs over Jadzia on the jungle planet

Anyway look at this lil guy!!!

15. Top 3 favorite alien crewmembers?

Oooh, this is tough. Am I choosing my favs overall, or based on how much I like their alien-ness specifically? If it's the former, then Kira, B'Elanna, and Dax - if it's the latter, then Odo, Worf, and Saru (Discovery). (Deanna and Kes leaving you out Hurt Me but they didn't write you alien enough for the latter list!! Still top 5 favs though <3)

35. A minor character you wish had become a main character?

Okay let's talk about the long-form arc potential both Seska and Suder had. Literally my favourite thing about the Suder episodes is the questions about restorative justice they raise- is there any point in locking a man up after he's sincerely reformed and no longer dangerous? Is it possible to be? Is it fair to the victim's loved ones to give him the right to roam around like nothing happened? What sort of thing could count as "reparations" in Voyager's situation? What if they really had been stranded with him for 75 years? Would he ever have been able to move on from what he did? What sort of hobbies might he take up in his new life? What would it take to win Janeway's trust? Would the victim's friends ever forgive him? Would he rather disembark the ship and start anew somewhere, or remain with his own people? Would he have been able to make new friends? Are you reading this string of questions in Jonathan Frakes's voice too? Would our main characters all have been able to get past his actions? Would it cause disagreements? How would his relationship with Tuvok have progressed? What issues would their getting back to Earth early raise for him? ... Aaaaand then the show decided to give us none of that😂 (well. except for Jonathan Frakes in a brief cameo that is :D) As for Seska I really don't know what they were thinking with her lol. She starts off as such a promising villain- literally the "reveal" in 'State of Flux' gives me chills! And you can actually understand her actions, her unexpected attachments to Chakotay and the crew. Instead of the whole pregnancy subplot (which made no sense) I would've loved to have seen her grow increasingly afraid she'd made a mistake in teaming up with the Kazon, and try to defect back to Voyager - the questions that would raise would be similar to Suder's, though in this case a bit more personal for characters like Chakotay and B'Elanna. Is she for real? Is she just doing this to trick them again? How do the Bajoran crew members feel about this? What would it take for her to win back people's trust? Say she does something messed up again, does she get a third chance? Would she make friends with Seven of Nine; someone she never personally betrayed who is also seeking redemption for past actions? Society if we'd gotten her as a regular character all the way till S7 - like an actually great redemption arc, where she ends up on good terms with a lot of them by the end (sort of like what they did with Garak on DS9) - ahhh the possibilities!!!

43. Order of shows from most to least favorite?

This is hard😅 okay I'm going to tier rank them that's easier!

Fav tier: DS9 (It's the best <3) Second tier: TNG (I can't not put it here this show literally changed my life) & VOY (has wonderful characters and has also become very important to me) Third tier: TOS movies (love them), Discovery (I have developed a nostalgia for it by now. Plus Michael is blorbo!) Fourth tier: TOS, SNW, Enterprise, Lower Decks (shows I've enjoyed but only really seen once so far) and I guess the AOS movies lol (imo 'Beyond' is the best one) Fifth tier: Picard (if it was just the first season it would've been higher! I actually liked that one) & the TNG movies (ugh) (I am yet to see TAS and Prodigy)

#thanks again for the ask friend <3 #nothing like tier ranking the Starred Trek shows to distract you from feeling sick :)#(nothing serious everyone's just been a bit ill due to water contaminations lol)#also yes. I am aware that we never actually got to see a hara cat on screen #but it is a cat! so #it stands to reason I would like one :)#ask game

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rubykgrant · 4 months

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The hardest part to deal with all this is I made multiple decisions to do something wrong and be a bad person, for years, but when I look back at who I was, I can't even understand myself. I don't know why I didn't care enough, or why I didn't put enough thought into consequences of my actions. I can see why certain things upset me, and I can understand how not letting go of all that was like keeping a lot of pain bottled up, but that still isn't an excuse for repeatedly being selfish, hurtful, and dishonest. I can't comprehend what I was thinking to myself, why I thought it could possibly be alright to be so horrible. I can only try to force myself to face the fact that I was lying to myself, too. I wished that I could be "special" somehow, pretended that I was, but instead I ruined my own life. Even though it started when I was young, it continued as I grew up. It wasn't just being stupid or making mistakes. It was bad habits that became bad behavior. That isn't an excuse, either.

I can't just say "I'm a different person now", because every bad thing I've ever done feels like it is some kind of corruption for my own future. If I've been dishonest, how can my sorrow or sincerity be taken seriously? If I've been disrespectful, how can I ever be trusted to be kind? More than that, how dare I share any thoughts I have, how dare I try to be taken seriously, how dare I accept any form of attention or sympathy? Even though I eventually made a decision to change, I still kept making bad choices, and it feels like I just keep lying to myself again, thinking I can be a decent person.

I don't know how to move forward with all this shame and guilt. I'm not sure that I can. I could have been a good person years ago, I knew better, kept being selfish. I want to stop being like that. I can't just forgive myself and act like I was never wrong, but I also don't want to act like the punishment for being selfish is to become self-destructive. Part of me wants to try and "atone" for what I've done by throwing away everything I own, because I don't deserve to have things that make me happy. Part of me wants to isolate myself, delete everything that connects me to other people, because I don't deserve to interact with anybody. Part of me knows that is just being self-destructive, while also hiding alone. I wish I had never done so many awful things, not just for my own sense of peace, but for the sake of treating other people with decency and respect. I've been hurt in big and small ways, I've been hurt in ways that continued for years and in brief moments. I should never have added to the hurt other people were feeling. I wish I wasn't even capable of being like that.

I don't want to sound like I'm just crying for pity, or bribing people into feeling sympathy. If it is possible, I'm trying to write out my thoughts so I can make sense of it, instead of going through every day, letting the negativity fill up my head. I know I can't ever un-do my bad decisions, or apologize enough for myself, but I want to keep trying to be a better person. I don't want to sound egotistical, but if it is possible, I want to try and give goodness to people whenever I can. I don't have the means to do much, and I don't want any "praise" or "forgiveness" for doing the bare minimum of treating other people with respect and kindness, but I really want to try. It sounds immature and silly, but I want to be the person I could have grown up to be, when I was a child, and still had a chance to be somebody good. The shame and guilt will always be inside me, but I don't want to hold on to the hate anymore, and I don't want to kill the hope.

I am so sorry to everybody who has worried about during this time, and I appreciate all the kind words people have shared. I want to be the kind of person who can repay that kindness

#depression #anxiety

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exozero · 2 months

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It's here if you ever want to read it. I explain some of myself here, my history, but let me stress that none of it is me justifying or excusing anything, I just can't speak honestly about my own brain in those situations without referring to the events which I was thinking about constantly at that time. They're part of who I am, particularly part of who I was, I hope, but I'm not a domino, and my actions were my own. Above all, I hope sincerely for your health.

I'm realizing in the writing of this how petty all ny mental lineages are, and must seem. I don't know how much detail is appropriate, how much you care to know, since I obviously want to deliver what would be the most helpful, if that's anything at all. I also would like to be liked by you, but know that that is unfair to ask. Whatever my reasons, you were hurt, so I suppose I'm hoping that by just leaving this here, you'll only come upon it if you're curious, and you're free to message me or to never let me know that you've read it, which keeps it as something only you can give value to. I'm really sorry if this missed the mark or seems self-indulgent. Every time I caught myself trying to couch my language in comfortingly ambiguous corpo-type-speak, I tried to go the other way without crucifying myself (unfairly). I tried not to edit it as well.

Hey ,

I read it. I would look once in a while at your blog and your main account, mostly out of a lingering grimy feeling I've discussed in therapy and have not understood fully until now. Our dynamic, even with sex set aside, was exciting and with a (false, unearned) sense of security it felt as if we had this uninterruptable momentum, and I absolutely overly romanticized and let myself explain away actions I'd previously had considered necessitated, at the least, a long conversation with future precautions. I was rash and reckless and did away with the kind of getting-to-know-one-another time I generally find necessary to feel comfortable doing half of what we did so soon, and as the dominant within the dynamic I invited you to place your trust in me and you suffered for it, and for that I will always be sorry. My lack of care was awful and I fucking hate that you were saddled with the pain and confusion which goes along with having such an inconsiderate, uncommunicative partner.

What you've written is one of the most important things I'll ever read. I hated how our last conversation played out, but again figured you'd just never want to hear from me. Maybe that was a selfish shortcut to letting myself forget, though it didn't work.

I'm truly, deeply happy to know how you understand and appreciate yourself, from the inside out, though I hate only reaching this knowledge by seeing I've hurt someone I think so highly of.

You're right, I didn't understand. Over a longer time spent together I'd like to think I would have, with some luck, arrived at these conclusions, been able to be myself and allow you to be yourself fully and honestly, and to have grown more organically, if not while dating then as friends, and in a healthier and more holistic way.

Without a properly human process of un-coupling, where things might naturally arise, all we had was our word, and you said you wanted to be friends – and in a cruel fashion, I took that away from us. Not that it changes the impact of my actions, but I promise it did not come from any sense of dominance, but rather a past experience with someone I'd thought was just a friend. You, of course, did not deserve to be unknowingly linked to someone else's actions, I just didn't believe a joke (that was just a joke) was yet possible for us, and had a very old fear return of having to be on my guard at all times again, if we spent time alone together as friends. It's up to me to recognize and manage those triggers and I absolutely, abjectly failed. You have been nothing but the kindest and most giving person and I assigned to you qualities of the worst person I've ever known, and convinced myself I was doing you a favor by not stringing you along.

Aftercare also meant something utterly different to me, to be touched after sex something I felt (felt, rather than thought. Stupid) everyone needed to be eased into, as I thought I did. I approached it nervously because that was when I felt most vulnerable. When we got high and climbed into bed and you looked down on me and embraced my head and torso it felt wonderful and real, and I felt known in your casual grab of me, but I was also doing all I could to not shove you away. I was in that post-sex headspace despite us only lying, and ------ it's not so important. obviously I should have just asked more often, you always responded so positively, of course. idiot.

I don't have the best memory, but I know I never felt that you needed me, and I have always enjoyed that. I've never deeply enjoyed a person romantically if I felt they needed me, and I'm sorry we didn't establish a bedrock upon that fact first, that fact of mutual self-governance. I'd always felt we were spending time together because we got along, because we had a good time, and meeting your friends was nice because you and they are nice, but I had no other motives in regards to them. I've reread everything and can see how some messages to a friend were overly friendly. I had a limited circle in the city and admittedly spent too much time on instagram. They posted about their mother, mine had recently revealed she'd renewed ties with my abuser. And maybe I didn't make it clear enough that I wasn't dissing anyone's partner, but I had no idea they were dating, thought he was a cool local act since I'd met him briefly that day. Texting isn't talking, so it would have been smarter to apologize instead of just walk it back as I did. I get why, now seeing your view especially, an in the light of it all together, it would seem wrong, and explains why he was so odd when I was shopping a bit ago. Step one in seduction is generally not to insult someone's partner they're clearly head over heels for.

Freshest is the embarrassment of reading back our latest texts and seeing how I let myself go on, even while knowing how poorly I was representing how I truly felt, being short in the face someone trying to understand such basic moments of miscommunication, because... what? I hadn't slept in a day? I'd have had a coffee if I hadn't been loathe to confront a roiling mass of guilt as to how it all had ended. Horrible feeling, knowing you're in the process of allowing another part of your life infect and destroy a relationship with someone far better than decent.

Looking back lately, that has felt like its own singular regret, a last missed chance at communicating sincerely, and I remember the exact moment I chose to become defensive, a consciously destructive impulse. I've never been happier the next day for having chosen that one, but I can't imagine the disappointment and frustration you must have felt.

Nothing about this is satisfying, thanks to my actions, and probably won't ever be. I feel the urge to tell you more and more and more about myself, to make clear I'm not am egomaniac and did deeply care for you, but it's hard to reconcile the internal echoes with external effects, it feels like there's a step missing somewhere between them, and while I want to rectify it I think if I allow this to grow it'll become increasingly useless and unhelpful, self-pitying as well as self-loathing. The only real edits I've made have been to my sob stories, trying to keep my ego out of it. I want to be clear that I'm not at all saying it's all because I was myself hurt in some way... the goal is to be useful, and to be understood, to be usefully understood, understood usefully, but that use is just for you. You know my actions towards you and you know how they impacted you, but i can only imagine the only thing I can possibly do at this point is to give you all of the facts I have that you don't have access to yet, so that you're armed with a fuller behavioral picture of a part of the world which affected you moving forward. It's something I'd have wanted, but I don't think I'd have cared if I'd received this after so long.

I hope I learned something. I hope I was useful.

I'll post this here in the hopes you see it, and keep the account on, but it'll be dead. I don't want you to feel watched in any way – you have a right to your anonymity, and I'll leave you to it.

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