#i am feeling very anxious this evening so this was a wonderful distraction thank you
Text
bloom.
part four of the no strings attached series by @lilystyles
no strings attached masterlist & main masterlist xxx
authors note part four is hereeeeeee!! IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS. i was drowning in assignments these past few months which is why it has taken me so long. i am now on my winter break yay, so i should be able to update more regularly thanks for the patience and love XXXX
brief description y/n and harry go to dinner and something stronger blooms between them.
warnings! smut (f!receiving, blowjob, sex, cumplay, loss of virginity but is all very romantic) unprotected sex (pls wear a condom), swearing, alcohol abuse, overall just a mature read. around 11.6k words. (she's longggg omg)
inexperinced!virgin!reader x fwb!harry
* * * * *
Harry and Y/n had managed to keep their new ‘relationship’ a secret for a little over a month which Y/n was very proud of, normally she couldn’t lie to save her life. He’d come over most weekends or she’d go to his and they would eat food, sometimes they’d cook sometimes they’d go out, they would watch films, sometimes at home sometimes in the cinema. But by the end of the night after a few wines and with an old soul record playing in the background they’d pleasure each other.
It was simply perfect. Whatever, wherever they were at was the happiest they had ever been. Except maybe the few Christmases they’d had together as roommates.
Y/n had never thought she could enjoy someone else’s company this much. Within time she grew the most comfortable she ever had been with someone. He’d seen her naked, he’d seen her cry, he’d seen her bleed, and he knew all of her secrets. She felt so free around him. It was a wonderful feeling, she only wished she could tell her other friends about it and how great it was. How happy she was, how happy he made her. This free feeling? Did they have that too? Is that why they’d always encouraged her to get a boyfriend and put herself out there?
But she knew it was just easier this way — their own little bubble. Keeping it their little secret. Sometimes things went to shit once they were said out loud. She’d noticed that and was worried if she shared it with them he would disappear.
They still hadn’t had sex yet, Harry wanted to wait for the right moment for that. He knew that virginity was a silly construct but he still wanted her first time having sex to be something she wouldn’t regret. He couldn’t live with himself if he ruined that for her. He didn’t want it to feel forced and corny and like it was this dramatic live changing event but he didn’t want it to be in the back of a car in a dark car park either. He wanted it to be a nice moment. She’d been ready for weeks, since that first night even. But when Harry told her waiting was the right thing to do she listened and was grateful for his delicate handling of the situation. He was more experienced so she listened.
She trusted him.
When Harry got a text from James that day that the guys all wanted to go on a camping trip for a long weekend in the middle of spring, he called her immediately.
After a few rings, she answered. “Hi, Haz!” She sounded breathless but chirpy.
“Hey, Lovie.” He could hear clatter in the background. She must’ve been up to something. A loud bang echoed in his ear.“What are you doing, Cheeky?” He said in a playful tone.
She giggled. “I’m attempting to perfect a cookie recipe. I had a bit of an anxious day, so I needed a distraction.”
“Why didn’t you just call me? I’m happy to distract you.” He said softly, grabbing a jumper from his cupboard. He was about to ask if he could come over, not that he needed to at this point.
She wondered for a moment if he meant that in a sexual way or not. Because everything had begun to blur. Sure most of the time when she saw Harry they’d pleasure each other, but sometimes he just held her warmly in his arms. Sometimes they did nothing at all. What did it all mean? Sometimes he felt like a boyfriend, most of the time actually.
“I’m sure you have a life outside of being my distraction.” She said stubbornly, mixing the batter in the large bowl. Her arm was aching. The smell of spices and ginger filled her nose, her biggest struggle when baking was usually not eating all the batter.
“Not really. So, can I come over?”
She giggled again, softly. “Of course. See you in 20.”
“Getting in the car as we speak.”
“Drive safely please.”
He smiled. “Always, Bun.”
When he arrived at her apartment he barely had to knock before she had already opened the door.
“Hi, H!” She chirped.
“Hi, Petal.”
She opened the door wide for him. “Come in.” She was in a pair of boxers he had left behind a few nights ago they were dark blue and a tight old One Direction shirt. She’d supported them in the early stages of their career, that shirt was from way back when. She was covered in flour and other cooking ingredients, looking as adorable as ever. Wearing those ridiculous bunny slippers of hers.
He shut the door behind him following her to the kitchen where something good was cooking. She was making another batch of her cookies (she was famous for them).
“I thought you could give these to Gem and Anne when you see them, you said they were coming down last time you were ‘round. Of course, you don’t have to. But I miss them, and they used to like my cookies.” She said shyly, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He never took his eyes off her.
He grinned stepping closer to her with his arms wide. “You are the cutest.”
She blushed.
“You should come to dinner.” He pulled her into his chest, chin resting on her head. Smelling the scent of her delicious shampoo as he squeezed the plump flesh of her arms and shoulders.
She looked up, arms still wrapped around his hips, “That isn’t very friends with benefits of us though, is it?” Tucking her head into his chest, he smelt so good today. Like every day. The woodsy fresh bodywash he used was still very strong on his skin and his hair was extra fluffy. He must have showered this morning.
“I’d have asked you, either way, Love. Y’know Mum adores you. Gem too.”
She looked up. “Okay….When is it?”
“Tonight, that’s sort of why I wanted to come over. And, did you see the text James sent?”
She shook her head and walked over to the living room and found her phone buried underneath the dozens of blankets. She now saw the chat flooded with texts.
JAMES
Hi guys! Is everyone free next weekend for the long weekend? Me and Daisy have planned a lil getaway at the beach. We would love to go all together like the old times. Bring a tent and gear. X
DAISY
and bring your party pants!!
OLIVE
I’m so there. :))
FINNLEY
I’ll check, I’ve got exams coming up.
But fingers crossed.
PENNY
i am definitely coming !!!
MICHAEL
Yes bet bet. Sounds like a plan
JAMES
Harry? Y/n? U two in?
She looked up. “Sounds nice, a lil’ getaway.” She liked the idea of doing nothing with Harry by the beach and amongst nature.
“I’ll go if you go.”
That made her smile and she looked down before typing.
me and harry shall be there xxx
After that, Harry managed to get roped into helping finish the cookie decorating before Y/n rushed off to get ready for dinner. Harry had booked a swanky restaurant, so Y/n felt like she had to dress up just a bit more than their usual dinners.
Once she was out of the shower, she stared annoyedly in her towel at her options.
She remembered when Harry used to come home from touring and Anne would throw these big but intimate dinner parties and invite all his family and friends. Y/n could just wear jeans to that and they’d all bundle up around a bonfire after dinner and look at the stars. Harry and her would share a wine or two and it was simple. Harry loved how normal he felt with Y/n, even the memory of her was enough to ground him. He was glad she was back in his life, and he felt now he was ready for it and ready for her.
Harry came down the hall to her room and sat down on her bed grabbing one of her teddy bears and cuddling it in his big arms. The sight was rather funny, this big tattooed man and a little pink teddy bear cuddled up in pretty feminine soft-looking bedsheets. “I’ve got to change and pick some gifts up from back home before we go, is that okay?” He asked watching her dig through her clothes.
She nodded. “Of course! But what should I wear? What do you think?”
She was oddly nervous about tonight even though every Christmas when she went home to Holmes Chapel she went over to Harry’s Mums house for a drink and sometimes had the odd text with Gemma. She was still in contact with that side of her life it was just now she was Harry’s date to dinner. But she wasn’t his girlfriend but they’d think she was and what did that mean? Anne and Y/n’s mother had wanted them to get married for years now since they were around 10. Would this be the new talk of the town between all the mothers? She knew it was likely. Gemma was probably bringing her partner Michal, so it felt really official or something.
He watched her, her eyebrows were furrowed in concentration as she stared at her cupboard.
“I’m just wearing a shirt and slacks. Simple.” He replied. “Don’t think too hard about it, you’ll look pretty in anything, Bun.”
“Harry, I bet all of your outfit is custom-made Gucci. I can’t compete with that!”
He bit his lip to hold back his laugh. “Lovie, calm down. Don’t work yourself up. Just wear somethin’ you feel nice in. If yeh’ worried about me caring that’s silly, I like yeh’ in anythin’.”
She remained frowning and started to dig through the dresses she had. She found one hidden amongst them, she wore it to her birthday once. It was a long golden slinky dress with lace detail on the hem and neckline. It was very delicate. And even though it was spring she knew it would still be chilly that evening so she grabbed a long brown coloured coat from off the door that she had been wearing most days to Uni. It was warm and woollen and she loved it.
Harry busied himself by scrolling through his phone while she got ready. It didn’t take her long, once she was happy with her outfit and had added a light pink scarf, a handbag and some shoes she went to the bathroom to do her makeup and hair.
She had already blow-dried her hair before and it was in a lovely natural state so she didn’t bother changing it. For makeup she kept it simple, only enhancing her features. When she was ready and came out Harry looked up upon the clicking of her heels.
His cheeks turned pink at the sight. Jesus. “Beautiful, Bun.” He felt no words could do it justice.
She blushed a bit too at those words and that admiring expression of his. “Thanks, Harryyy. Ready? I’ll get the cookies and lock up and then we can go, okay?”
He nodded at her standing up and following her lead as she’d put the cookies into a tin.
Once she grabbed everything else she needed they got in Harry’s car and headed to his house.
Y/n was browsing Harry’s playlists and noticed a new one in there which was unnamed only with a pink heart as the title. He wasn’t really paying attention to her on his phone, his hand was carelessly thrown on her thigh and the other the wheel, they were both pretty silent, it was calm. So he didn’t notice her scrolling through the songs — it was this soft, romantic, sleepy, soul playlist. Full of a lot of her favourites and it felt like a cosy evening. So she put it on and placed his phone back into her lap.
Harry’s ears pricked up at the sound of the song, she’d found the playlist. Was it obvious it was for her? Well, about her?
“You found it.” He whispered, the song was only softly playing as background noise. He didn’t have the radio up loud. So she heard him.
“Yeah, it’s like all m’favs.” She said, smiling gently.
He contemplated saying it, feeling his heart speed up as he spoke, “I made it f’you.”
She finally met his eyes and gave him this dazzling toothy grin. “Aw, that’s nice, Haz. Really sweet.” She leaned over kissing his cheek. She laughed when her lipstick left a stain and she rubbed it. “Sorry.”
He just gave her thigh a squeeze in reply worried he might reveal himself if he said anything else and a few songs later they arrived at his house. He told Y/n she could wait in the car because it would take him 10 minutes max to get dressed.
She nodded and scrolled through her Instagram while she waited and then replied to a text from her Mum before she turned her phone off and waited in silence. He was quick as promised and when he came out the door he was looking devilishly handsome.
She felt her body react to it. Her cheeks turned pink, her pupils grew in want, and her hands itch to touch him. Her heart was hammering against her chest and she felt a familiar twist of want in her stomach. He was in a silky black shirt that was long and tight on his muscular arms, his buttons were undone and showed off his tattoos. Which reminded her of when he had his long hair and he was this pure sex god rockstar of a man. He had a pair of black flared pinstripe trousers to match and a pair of black boots with red detailing. He looked so good she wanted to faint. She felt her thighs squeeze in want and she sighed at herself, don’t be such a perv!
He had added some extra rings and jewels from his usual bundle. Something caught her eye. It was this golden pendant with a moon and star on it, she’d bought it for him for his 19th birthday, when they first started living together. She hadn’t seen him wear it in a long time, she’d forgotten she’d even bought the thing. Y/n remembered buying it. Harry had been with her, they were at a market full of random things looking for cheap furniture for their place.
They were walking past this large jewellery stall and both admired the rings and style. It was different from the normal places they’d seen. They had tonnes of it. A glint of something gold had caught her eye, it was that pendant. It was one of the only gold among the silver. She touched it in admiration and Harry peered over her shoulder, saying it was pretty and he liked it. Harry said he thought it was cool and matched a lot of his other jewellery. But without much thought, he walked off to look at some couches in the next stall.
Y/n knew his birthday was coming up and asked the jeweller how much it was. He was this eccentric gentleman, who smiled at her. Showing the matching ring to her which was very dainty and feminine that she didn’t even think would fit Harry’s fingers. She explained that she just wanted the necklace as a gift for someone. But he said that he would not sell either piece without the other. At the time he explained it was made for two lovers, so they’d always be together, but Y/n replied it was just for a friend, truly believing he was just trying to get more money out of her. But now looking back she and Harry loved wearing them and matching. It cost her more money than she could afford at the time but she was drawn to it. Something magical in the crafting of them.
Her hand reached over to touch his neck fingers touching the chain. “Oh, my god. I forgot about that.”
He grinned. “Found it the other day.”
She wished she knew where the ring was. “I remember that ol’ thing.” Sometimes when she was in the crowd or if Harry knew she was watching the show, in the early stages that is, he’d lift up the pendant and kiss it or touch his heart where it lay. Especially if he was playing a song Y/n liked (or that was secretly about her). Sweet Creature was one he wrote for her.
When they arrived in a rather fancy area of London with very expensive restaurants and hotels, Y/n could’ve laughed. They’d both grown up okay, but they were just normal working-class families and they weren’t spoiled. She wished she could go back and tell young Harry who was always working away on his singing that’d he’d be here. She wished she could run into the bakery and tell him he’d be the most famous man ever. Tell both the young kids who were working selling pastries and bread that they would be here in a short time, together.
The valet collected the car and Harry slinked his hand into hers when they stepped out, and Y/n thought she spotted someone giving them a double-take. They quickly entered the restaurant, and the concierge took their coats for them.
The restaurant was warm and heated, with all these crisp white tablecloths, mood lighting, and crystal glasses. The waiter immediately guided them to their table which was a fancy booth and Anne was already there waiting. She got up and instantly pulled Y/n into her arms.
“I’m so glad Harry brought you, Darling! It’s so good to see, look at that gorgeous face of yours.” She squeezed her cheeks and kissed her forehead leaving a big mauve-coloured lipstick stain there. Y/n grinned so big and pulled her back in for another hug whispering sweet comments.
Anne was so lovely, Y/n had always loved her. She made one of her favourite people, and it made sense why he was so respectful and kind. So perfect.
Harry was next to be welcomed, bending down to be fussed over in her arms. Anne questioned if he’d been eating enough and began a tangent of worried remarks. He was such a momma’s boy, he could only smile gently at her.
When Gemma and Michal arrived they greeted Y/n too with hugs and kind comments and once their meals arrived all her tensions eased. She now knew she had been silly to worry. Harry’s family were just as lovely as him. She knew that already and this pressure of her being his date was stupid. They already liked her, they knew her, and they’d seen her grow up beside Harry. She was just Y/n and he was just Harry.
They ate wonderful dinners and drank expensive brands of champagne, along with some fancy French dessert Y/n had never tried that Harry insisted she ate. It was a perfect night and she was sad to say goodbye to them all. When Harry dipped to the bathroom for a minute Anne pulled her aside.
“I’m so glad you two are getting closer again, you’ve always been my favourite of his girlfriends. And these cookies! So delicious, I love when you send them over at Christmas time. Harry steals the whole thing of them, usually. No one can keep their hands off them. Ever thought of selling them?”
“Thank you, Anne. Thanks for letting me come, I hope I didn’t intrude on your family night.” She didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise. She wished she was one of his girlfriends and she was glad someone appreciated her cookies.
When Harry back came from the bathroom he saw Y/n hugging his mum, and his heart melted at the sight.
Y/n was good with people, and his family had always loved her. She was so gentle and well-mannered. Their Mums were very close too which helped. When they had drifted Anne still updated him that Y/n was doing well, and he was always pleased to hear that.
Harry said his goodbyes too and promised them something about bringing Y/n to another family catch-up, she just smiled warmly with pink cheeks at the idea. She was leaning into his side, his big arm draped over her shoulders as he kissed her temple.
The valet handed Harry the keys and they slid into his car before driving back home finally. It was around 10 in the evening and Y/n was absolutely blissful, her hand had found his lap stroking his thigh gently as a light patter of rain began to fall down on the windows.
“You were wonderful tonight. Mums’ always loved you though, Petal.” His eyes were on the road but he was grinning anyway — unable to contain it. He felt so fucking happy.
She grinned softly. She was pretty sure she was all heart eyes for him right now. She imagined she probably looked like one of those cartoons where the guy sees a pretty woman walking down the road and his eyes pop out and his head starts spinning.
“Thanks for bringing me, Harry. It was lovely. I had a really nice night.”
He looked at her as if to say ‘duh’, “Of course, I’d bring ya’ I know we didn’t talk for a while there, but I thought of you a lot. And y’know Mum, loves ya’. You’re very important to us all.”
She looked away from him blushing down at her free hand before nodding, and softly replying. “I thought of you too. Why didn’t you come to Mum’s New Year’s party? I waited for you the whole night…”
He sighed thinking back to what she was talking about.
“I was in Japan.” He replied. “I really did contemplate flying back just for the party, but I wasn’t sure if y’wanted me too.”
She looked over at him. “I didn’t know that.”
“I know.” He replied softly.
The rest of the car journey was quiet, the gentle hum of the radio played along with the sound of rain softly hitting the glass. Harry didn’t speak he just moved his hand onto his thigh where hers rested, giving it a squeeze.
It didn’t take long to arrive back at his house, Harry opened the door for her and they quickly rushed inside to avoid the rain it had grown heavier and more wild. Y/n stepped inside first with a sigh, and Harry was not far behind. His hands slid onto her hips and lower stomach, and he kissed her neck just below her ear.
She giggled, her hands finding his. He began to whisper sweet nothings to her but was cut off by her phone ringing. He grunted in annoyance but she said she had to take the call.
He didn’t let go of her, clinging to her childishly and nuzzling his head into her soft shoulder.
“Hi, Mum.” She said into the phone, Harry paused his touch.
He could hear the sound of Y/M/N over the phone muffled.
“Anne already told you?” Y/n wanted to laugh. She looked at Harry who sighed, of course, Anne had already rung Y/n’s Mum.
“No. We aren’t dating Mum. We are just friends.” She sighed. Harry chuckled.
They weren’t just friends now. Friends don’t make each other cum, they don’t kiss, or see each other naked, friends don’t do what they do. They were way past that line now. He knew her inside and out and now he knew her more intimately than anyone ever had. Harry wondered if he’d ever have the balls to approach the subject of their relationship and where he stood.
“Mum, we were never dating. Please stop telling people he’s my ex-boyfriend.” She laughed. Her Mum was a funny old thing.
“Okay, I gotta go now. Bye, Mum.”
The muffled voice spoke again.
“Yep. Yep. Okay. Love you too. Bye.” She let out a big sigh hanging up the phone.
Harry was taking off his shoes and belt, he seemed sleepy but content. He was sat on the couch, he’d turned the mood lighting on. It was this warm glowy orange hue that washed over the room. He looked up upon hearing the end of the conversation.
“What is it with Mums?” He teased her as leant back against the plush white sofa. Y/n described it as sitting on a cloud. She napped on it all the time. His legs were all spread out and his head was thrown back.
Harry was so fucking hot. All the time. Did he never get tired of looking so handsome?
She shrugged, walking over to sit beside him and threw her legs up so she was laying on his lap. Her cheek rested on his thigh, and Harry’s painted fingernails scratched the roots of her hair. She made a little content sigh, letting her eyes flutter shut. Him touching her was like heaven.
“Mm. Feels nice, Harry.” He let out a little chuckle. She was practically purring from his touch, all curled up on his lap. Her hands were resting on his knee, and he found himself admiring them. So dainty and delicate. Sometimes he pondered adding a ring to that finger of hers. He thought she’d be a very good person to grow old with. She loved routines and nights in, but she was witty and intelligent, though she loved simplicity she was definitely not boring. She kept you on your toes.
He wanted to stay like this forever. She was practically falling asleep in his lap, like putty in his hands. She made the odd sigh or moan in contentment every now and then as he let her destress.
She had been a bit stressed with Uni and her life at the moment, the work of it all was hard right now, so he wanted to do anything to help her calm down. The dinner had been a nice distraction for her, and she seemed a lot happier that evening than the text he had received from her that morning.
She rolled over to her other side so her face was near his hip nose grazing against his skin which smelt so fucking good — he used this expensive woodsy cinnamon soap it made her want to lick him all over. He continued his slow and delicate scratch on her head and his other hand rubbed her exposed back. Her hands moved to under his shirt, trailing along his fern tattoos and grazing the wisps of hair that lead underneath his waistband. Her nose grazed his skin as she tiredly nuzzled into him, feeling her eyes shut. She felt so safe in his lap and arms.
It was so domestic. They had become so domestic. He wished every day he could come home and say something cheesy like ‘Honey, I’m home!’ and scoop her up into his arms and kiss her silly. He longed for nights like this watching TV as she rested on his chest, moving with the rise and fall of his chest. He wanted the mornings too. When she grumpily didn’t want to wake up unless it was from kisses and a coffee.
“Do y’want some wine?” He asked her, his voice all raspy.
They’d only each had a glass of champagne with dinner which had long since faded. Leaving them very sober.
“Sure. Red?” She asked sitting up. Her hair was slightly messy from his playing with it.
He nodded his hand finding her chin and lifting it up. “Whatever y’want, Lovie.” He kissed her forehead before getting up and moving to the kitchen. She finally took her heels off and removed her scarf placing them on the floor. She stood up, feeling the soft rug on her sore feet.
She leaned down to the coffee table lighting some candles of his. She lit a soap-smelling one and then a lavender one. Then once she was happy with that she walked over to his records and looked for something nice to play.
She stumbled upon a Marvin Gaye one and she giggled to herself. It was kind of cheesy love making music, so she picked that one. She placed the record down on the turn table part and placed the stylus down. It began to hum a gentle sultry song and she moved back to the couch.
When Harry came back she was laying on the couch, spread out as she hummed along to Marvin Gaye. In his hands, he had a bottle red all the way from New Zealand and two pink-tinted wine glasses.
He laughed at her. “Look at yeh, Minx.” He teased.
She smiled up at him, her dress was hiked up and she looked like the embodiment of idleness. She sat up so he could join her and he poured them both a glass.
They only had two glasses each before Y/n started to droop tiredly against his shoulder. He found her particularly adorable like that. When he finished his final sip he helped her up so they could go to sleep, he blew out the candles too. She followed him lazily up the stairs and into the bedroom, arms wrapped around his waist and tummy.
He found a random Fleetwood Mac shirt and some grey tracksuit pants for her to wear in one of his messy drawers.
She changed out of the dress and was so happy to get her bra off. It was this pretty lacy one that had Harry frothing at the mouth. Her undies followed once he began to change as well. He found a pair of black silky sleeping pants and didn’t bother with a top.
She followed him to the ensuite and found the cotton pads and makeup remover he had just for her. She began to wipe off the makeup and was glad to be rid of it. He was brushing his teeth silently beside her and she watched him through the mirror. He caught her and gave her a wink.
She just made a little kissy face in response. He smiled against the toothbrush, a rim of foam around his lips. Once she was done with all that she threw the rubbish into the small bin beside the toilet.
“Do you have face wash?” She said quietly.
He nodded, spitting into the sink. “Just up there.” He pointed to the cupboard which was also the mirror.
She opened it, rising on her tip toes for a second.
“Blue.” He replied. She squinted trying to find the blue bottle, he had an array of skincare products. She saw a big dark blue bottle, she reached for it and he nodded showing her that was the right one.
They both washed their faces together and he smiled watching it foam up against her skin. Once they had washed their faces Y/n finally brushed her teeth and they went to bed.
She sighed slipping into the big fluffy bed. He had some pale blue sheets on this week. He slid in beside her wrapping his strong arms around her and pulling her into him. He nuzzled his face into her neck and shoulder, the very slight stubble nipping her skin.
The backs of her thighs pressed against the front of his, her bum pressed up nicely against his soft silky pants and his hands squeezed the soft plump of her tummy in comfort. It wasn’t particularly late, but they loved to be inside Harry’s big bed and just cuddle.
“Y’were just perfect tonight. How someone hasn’t swept y’up and kept yeh I dunno…” He whispered kissing the top of her header, nose brushing against her hair, inhaling her shampoo.
She flushed. “No one’s really tried, H.” He made her heart pick up at the comment. This man and his flattery.
“Lucky f’me. Means I can have ya’ all ta’ myself.” It was meant as a joke, but honestly, he selfishly did want her all to himself. She was so perfect.
She giggled. “Lucky you.”
He squeezed her closer and tighter. She giggled some more, wriggling in his grip. One of his hands moved to her upper thigh. She stopped and leaned into the touch. They didn’t talk they just started to relax into a sleepy silence, the chilly air making them want to bask in each other’s warmth even more.
He kissed her shoulder every now and then soothingly and Y/n shut her eyes. Basking in the feeling of him. His presence made her feel so safe she wanted to sleep often.
“Harry, do you ever think about how long we’ve known each other?” She asked randomly, as his hands continued to rub her body feeling her soft skin against his palms.
“All the time, Petal. Why?” He said softly, his voice was all raspy and gravelly. It made her feel something in the pit of her stomach. He made it even harder for her not to beg for him, this waiting game felt like edging.
“It’s just funny to me how much we have changed, but also how little we have too. I mean we’ve known each other since what? Daycare? And that little boy is still you…”
He understood exactly what she meant. Some things would never change about Harry even with age. Like, he would always be kind and always make an effort. He would always have 3 sugars in his tea unlike, Y/n who would prefer none. He would always enjoy cheesy romance films and love the idea of love. He will always admire old couples walking down the street. And she would always see the more practical side to love.
She thought back to when they were younger teenagers and how he was rather distant from her in the sense that they were in the same friend group but funnily enough never really talked alone. Then she remembered that in their final year at school Harry, who had refused to dance with anyone else, asked Y/n to dance with him because he knew she’d been waiting for the boy she fancied to ask her all night. Sitting all pretty by herself, feeling like her efforts had been a waste. Only to find herself in the hands of him, spinning and laughing underneath the disco ball.
Then in University when they found out they were going to the same place they naturally found an apartment together, with a slight push from their mothers. Who felt at ease knowing their babies would have each other. Which was weird at first but soon they were at a furniture shop testing mattresses and giggling.
She never felt uncomfortable around Harry, but once she was close to him she knew she was done for. She knew that for the rest of her life, she’d want him. Crave him close to her. He kind of felt that too, but in a different sense.
It was more like they kept finding each other unplanned. During school they’d had so many lessons together, sitting with each other quietly. After school, his Mum had her family over for a meal. Then sometimes at the bakery, where they served familiar faces, and between breaks they sipped hot chocolate together. At the end of year dance Y/n and Harry were the only two without dates, and so he danced with her. When University rolled around no one else was going, and of course, Y/n had accidentally by luck of the draw picked the same school as him. They both happened to need a roommate and then they were roommates, then finally best friends. It was as simple as that, it just fell into place with her. He never forced anything.
Oh, how he loved those memories of being her roommate and best friend. Whenever he thought back to those times he couldn’t help but grin. Neither had ever anticipated anything that would happen — him famous, and her here with him, cuddled in bed.
“It’s like we can’t not be in each other’s lives. You’re always there for me, showing up.” Was all he could manage to say.
It’s true, when they had drifted and he did a tour for his first album she came to a show with her own money.
Anne had called her up explaining in a panic how nervous he was for this tour. It was his first without the band. So, with little thought Y/n went in support because no one else could make it, Anne and Gemma both had stuff they couldn’t back out of. Anne knew Y/n would do it for Harry. Everyone knew she’d do just about anything for him except, well, him.
She was in the front row, dressed in a familiar outfit that took him back in time. It was this lavender dress from their school days. She’d worn it to the dance. It was bouncy and had big puffy sleeves, all short and fluffy.
He hadn’t expected it at all.
He came out, dancing and going wild for one of his louder and more upbeat songs. When he finally greeted the crowd he scanned them and said politely. “Hi, I’m Harry!”
She rolled her eyes. How was he still so devilishly charming?
He spotted something familiar, someone, familiar. Her eyes, her smile, and that dress took him back. Suddenly he felt like he was at home, in Holmes Chapel and he was just singing karaoke with his old friends.
“Y/n?!” He said with a grin. Completely shocked, he shook his head in a puppydog like manner. The few longtime fans in the crowd cheered loudly, knowing her from photos off his Instagram. Anne had a few up on her Instagram too and they seemed to love Y/n in the comments (mainly).
She waved at him. Mouthing, “Hi, H!” She couldn’t contain her smile.
She could see in his eyes how much it meant to him. They got all glassy and soft. Even if they hadn’t spoken in a while she calmed him down immediately. He hadn’t realised how much having her there would calm him.
She was like chamomile tea, a warm bed, all things nice and calming.
“Thank you for being here, for those of you who don’t know, Y/n is a very old friend of mine. We worked together in a bakery.” He jested.
Y/n giggled.
It felt right for him to sing this song next, “This next one is Sweet Creature.”
“I’ll always be there for you, H. You know that.” She said tenderly.
He rolled her around to face him so he could see her pretty face spewing these kind words. This deep pensive look in his eye. “I’m…I’m really glad you’re here with me…in this moment…this time in my life. I never really noticed how mundane life felt until you came back into mine.”
She felt herself melt like ice cream sitting in the blistering sun during a summer day. She kind of wanted to cry at how sweet he was. Harry wasn’t even her boyfriend but shit these feelings. They were real. Her body went even softer in his arms.
She lifted her hands up from her sides to his cheeks pushing his head down so she could lean in and place a kiss on his forehead. His hair smelt delicious like soap and peppermint.
He hadn’t expected that but he felt himself flush pink. The innocent touches are what made him blush the most. She was so gentle with him.
“Oh, Harry.” She sighed, pulling away and tucking a stray curl of his behind his ear. “Me too.”
He smiled leaning forward. “Can I kiss you?”
Y/n rolled her eyes teasingly. “Of course.”
His hands slid around to her back, blunt nails scratching her skin perfectly underneath the Fleetwood Mac shirt. He leaned forward into her lightly pecking her puffy lips, remaining very gentle at first. Her hands moved to his neck fiddling with the hair that rested there as she leaned into him. She threw her leg up to his hip and he moved one of his hands to stroke it gently. It was so soft and romantic.
As the kiss began to deepen she gripped his shoulders trying to press her chest even closer to his wanting to be as close to him as possible. He hummed softly, feeling her tits press into him. Her nipples were hard and he wanted them in his mouth.
“Mm, you’re perfect.” He muttered against her lips.
She smiled into the kiss, and he used that as an excuse to slip his tongue in ever so slightly. That’s when the kiss began to grow more fiery and passionate. He nibbled her lip and pulled her body even closer letting her roll on top of him as she mewled.
Her hips rocked needily against his silky pants and he moved his kisses down her jaw and neck peppering them frenziedly, loving the little whimpers and whines that escaped her lips. Which only spurred him on to continue further down to the top of her chest.
The way she was rocking against him was making him lose his mind. Her hands clawed his chest as she whispered quietly. “Please, Harry.”
This tension had been building for weeks. She wanted him so fucking badly. It was always on her mind, and it was honestly distracting. She’d been trying to write an Essay that morning and all she could think of was him, and in a horny flurry, she imagined him bending her over the desk. Making her scream with pleasure as he often did.
“S’good f’me, Baby.” He breathed out. Hands finding her hips now, forcing them harder against him. Thinking filthy thoughts of him burying himself in her dripping pussy.
Her lips pressed into his shoulder and then slowly moved down the side of his body, kissing along his tattoos, biting and licking some parts of his tanned bare skin. Until she was finally by his waistband, her pink chipped fingernails teased his snail trail of hair that led to underneath the silk. His skin was so soft there.
His eyes became all hooded, animalistic-like. He was looking at her like he wanted to eat her. But he remained calm and gentle with touches. His hands found her hair, all his rings were off so she felt no sting of metal on her skin. His fingers were running through it delicately and moving it away from her beautiful face.
“Prettiest girl in the world.” He muttered and she blushed resting her cheek on his thigh.
“Thank you, Baby.” She sighed.
She only ever let those pet names slip during these moments and it made him so fucking needy for her. He just smiled softly, at ease. “Of course.”
“Can I taste you, H? Please?”
He let his eyes shut and he softly whined as her hand palmed against his pant-covered cock. He was stiff beneath her touch, and she could feel him throbbing at the contact. “You can do whatever you want to me, Angel.”
She giggled teasingly giving his prick a firmer squeeze. “Don’t promise me that. We’ll never leave this bed.”
He took a shaky breath at her words, she was just so fucking hot without even trying. She literally just spoke her mind, and it had him frothing.
“Is that a threat or a promise?” He replied breathily.
He opened his eyes, thinking back to all those nights in school when he’d dreamt of her sexually. He’d felt guilty a lot of the time for it of course, but she was just so fucking pretty and sexy without realising it. Like when they went swimming during the summer and she wore this cute little pink floral bikini, he would go home and in the summer heat, he would imagine it was her wrapped around him. He’d probably wanked to every filthy fantasy he’d ever had. Her sucking him off, maybe him fucking her throat watching tears spill from her eyes. Him eating her pretty pussy and making her feel so good she saw stars. Making love to her softly and romantically as she deserved, and sometimes he thought of fucking her roughly and needily. In different positions for hours. All the ones he could think of. But every time he came, he’d come back to and realise it was just his fist and not her mouth, hand, or precious pussy.
But now she was here in front of him, eyes all big looking up at him, ready and eager to take him into her mouth. She was real and she wanted him.
“Yes, Angel.” He rasped.
These moments always felt surreal to him. Especially because of how well they knew each other, now that they had started to explore each other’s bodies it was the most vulnerable they had ever been. No one would ever know them better than each other.
Which is why her hand that was ghosting over his thick cock made him feel so close already from a mere touch.
She was dream-like.
“Mmm.” He whined. He was sensitive to her touch always, but tonight it was more than usual. They both pulled his pants off together so she could rest between his thighs, her mouth right in front of his leaking pink tip.
She was feeling a bit more vocal tonight. He loved it. “You have such a pretty dick, Harry. So big and veiny.”
He laughed softly, his hand running through his hair which had fallen into his eyes. “You think so?”
“I never really thought I could actually feel that way until I saw yours. It’s so pretty like the rest of you. It makes sense you have such a nice cock, it matches.” This new side to her had him dying in want.
God, he just wanted her so badly. He wanted to feel those pink slick lips around his cock, and watch her take him into her tight throat. Last night he’d even cum to the thought in the shower.
“You’re so sweet to me, Bun.”
She gave a gentle smile in response before shuffling closer to his glistening prick. Pursing her lips slightly as a string of spit dripped landing on the ruddy head, his breath hitched at the contact. His hands gripped the sheets roughly. When she finally leaned down close to him she did a signature kiss like always. The sight alone was enough to make him cum.
“Such a good girl for me, Baby.” He muttered his hands coming up to her hair pulling it away so he could see her adorable face as she kitten licked against his slick shaft. Her face was flushed pink like always when they’d been kissing, so pretty. She clenched her thighs at that comment and he noticed, very well aware now how much she loved his praise. Loved being told she was good for him, because she truly wanted to be good for him.
Leaning down further she fully enveloped his tip into her mouth, her tongue was a welcome contact against him and he whined loudly. “Fuck.” He said softly and involuntarily throwing his head back.
She had gained more confidence since that night on New Year’s Eve, she knew how he liked and had learnt to make him cum in mere minutes now. She had learnt to take most of him in her mouth too. Which she was surprised she could do considering how large he was.
As she swallowed him deeper into her mouth he heard a little choking sound as she went deeper than usual. Her nose grazed his navel and he cried out. She was taking him so fucking deep, the trail of hair tickled her noise.
“Shit, just like that sweet girl, so fucking good, deep. Fuck.”
She began bobbing her head faster and could feel him throb against her tongue, she would never be used to how large she was ever but she had started to learn ways to take him. He moaned loudly, unable to contain himself at her rapid pace. She pulled up for air for a second her hand coming down to stroke his slick cock at the loss of her throat so he wouldn’t miss her touch.
“H, y’can guide my head, it’s okay. I wanna make y’feel good. Move your hips too if that’s what you want.” She said slightly out of breath, spit and precum dribbled down her chin.
He looked at her eyes for reassurance and he saw a content look in them. “Okay, Love, just tap my legs if it’s too much.”
She nodded. “Ok, H.”
He smiled and she moved back down, taking a deep breath before she took him back into her mouth. He sighed, “Ah, mm.”
His hands had moved into her hair holding her head soft yet firm on his cock, when she made it to about halfway around him her tongue was swirling delicately against his engorged prick and he felt so close to cumming already. It had only been a few minutes.
She was struggling to stop her legs from squeezing together, his sounds made her so wet she felt herself dripping down her thighs. He began to gently guide her head into a bobbing rhythm and he felt a drip of precum fall out his head and he knew if they’d kept this up in another few minutes he’d cum.
“Oh god, Y/n, your so fucking perfect taking me like this. Letting me use you.” He uttered, “Such a good girl letting me take your mouth like this. So filthy. My filthy girl.”
She moaned softly against his twitching cock and he whined, pulling her head up off him. She took a large breath in. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” She said quickly.
He shook his head quickly. “No, you were fucking perfect, I just don’t want to cum yet.”
She looked at him, eyes all doe-like and lips sticky with his slick. Cocking her head to the side, “Why not?”
He moved his hands to her shoulders. “Let me take care of you, I wanna make you feel good. You’ve been so good for me today. Such a sweet little thing. Let me take of my sweet girl.”
My sweet girl. Y/n felt her heart skip a beat.
She listened but pouted at his request. Sad his cum wasn’t down her throat. “Harryyy,” She whined.
“What is it, Love, hmm?” But he knew full well what she was whining about. It had been apparent from the first night that Y/n loved his cum. She loved making him cum. In her mouth, on her tits, whatever he wanted. She often daydreamed of it in other places. Harry knew this.
She just continued to pout. “Enough whining. Be good f’me.” He ordered. “Let me take care of you. ”
Her face remained pouty but she spread her legs for him anyway and he yanked her pants down in one motion, she opened her legs for him widely and his hands stroked her thighs feeling the soft skin there. He motioned for her to take her shirt off as well. She threw it across the room.
He moved his hand up to her mouth tapping against her wet lips, he did that when he wanted her to suck on them. She opened her mouth for his fingers making sure to swirl her tongue around them just to tease him a bit. He moved his eyes from her glistening pussy to her mouth and cheeky expression. He pulled them away. The popping noise made him smirk.
“I don’t exactly need the help, you’re already dripping for me.” He teased, running his newly lubricated fingers against her puffy clit.
She moaned as her hips stuttered against his gentle hand. He laughed at her.
She wanted to be embarrassed but this being the millionth time Harry was between her legs she had given up hiding how wet he made her. Most mornings he wanted to start the day that way, right between her soft thighs pressing into his cheeks.
“How could I not be, Harry? You drive me mad.” She replied her hands moving to his hair.
He smirked biting his lip. The heat of his breath made her squirm against him and his nose bumped her swollen clit. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss there. The taste of her was sweet and tangy on his tongue, and he was addicted. He began to lap up all the leaking arousal, making a filthy sound in his silent room.
Her moans were soft and freely escaping her mouth, thighs squeezing against him as she tugged on his soft hair. She felt at complete ease underneath his harsh tongue.
All her stress was melting away with his lick and suck, this was such a good outlet for her worries. She only thought of him. His mouth, his moans, and his prick.
“Harry,” She whimpered at the feel of his firm tongue. “Shit.” She breathed throwing her head back into his pillows, screwing her eyes shut.
She felt his fingers glide up and down against her weeping hole until he finally slipped one inside. Feeling her clench against him firmly, he wished he was inside of her right now. Her velvety walls were so wet against his hand and he felt her dribble onto his hand as he began to speed up his thrusts. He added another finger.
His tongue didn’t stop suckling on her clit and curled his fingers against her, feeling the way her pussy stuttered against his fingers in an irregular clench. A telltale sign she was getting close to the brink of her orgasm.
“Jesus, Harry, how are you s’good at tha’? Think m’gonna cum soon.” She purred as her hips lifted up and her back arched off the bed.
He pulled his mouth back for a moment, his fingers speeding up and going deeper, as he rasped from wet lips. “S’okay Baby, cum for me, let go. Be good n’ cum f’me. I want it.”
She let out a mewling whine, tugging his hair harder. It was as if his words was the final thing she needed before she felt the start of her pleasure rise in her stomach.
He quickly moved his mouth back down and felt her puffy clit throb against his tongue and a drip of her slick fell down his chin as she let out a guttural cry.
A wave of bliss spasmed from her stomach to her stretched-out pussy, and she felt it pulsate over her entire body. Her eyes squeezed shut and she tugged his hair hard enough that he grunted against her.
“M’cumming! Fuck!” She felt lightheaded.
He pulled up for air, pumping his fingers quickly. “Good girl.” He praised breathily. Spent from working hard to make her cum.
When he felt her come down fully from the high of her climax he pulled his fingers out and licked them clean. “Mmm. I love how you taste, Petal. Sweet.”
She let her thighs drop in fatigue and she lifted her hand to her sweating forehead. Her blissed expression made him grin.
“Fucking hell, Harry.” Her tummy clenched at his words.
Her hand grabbed his shoulder and he moved back on top of her pulling her into a chaste kiss. She could taste the tang of herself on his lips. His tongue slid against hers and he tasted of her. She moaned softly into his mouth. He pulled back, “You’re so beautiful.”
She bumped her nose into his. “Harry?”
He kissed her jaw, “Yeah, Love?”
“I want you inside of me. Please.” She sighed, pupils dilated. “I want to be close to you, Harry.”
“Are you sure?”
She mewled. “I want you so bad, Baby. Please.”
How could he say no to her? She was all sweet and whiny, and her naked in his bed. “Okay. I want that too.”
He pecked her lips softly before pulling away. “Gimme one second.”
He got up off the bed and moved over to his bedside table finding a box of matches and lighting the few candles he had there.
She giggled at him. “What are you doing?”
He just grinned, “Making it special, Lovie.”
She felt her chest flutter and a big toothy grin made its way to her face. Harry knew that Y/n was more practical, he was the hopeless romantic out of the two of them. But he wanted to make Y/n feel special, he wanted to be sappy for her.
He got up again walking into his cupboard.
“What else are you up to back there?!” She said with a giggle.
When he came back out he had a bag with something in it. It was hard for her to see because it was dark. She squinted trying to understand.
“Hold on stay there.” He said nipping his lip, he grabbed a handful of contents from the bag. Before throwing them onto the bed around her.
She opened her eyes looking to her sides under the dim light, plucking one up in between her fingers. “Is that rose petals?”
“Yeah.” He smiled, scratching his neck nervously. “I know it’s cheesy, but I wanted you to feel special.”
She couldn’t believe he went to all that effort.
“Anything else?” She prodded.
He smirked. “One more thing.” He pulled something out from behind his back. It was one of those cheap plastic roses and he put the stem in his teeth and raise his brows.
She laughed loudly, gently pushing his shoulder. “You are so corny!”
He pulled the rose out of his mouth, offering it to her goofily, feigning a gentlemanly gesture. “Thank you for allowing me the pleasure of being the first. I feel so lucky. It’s truly a privilege.”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh shoosh.”
“I’m serious. I know it’s silly, but I feel grateful that I can be with you in this way. You’re my best friend. You’re very special to me.” He said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned into the warmth of his palm.
“You’re my best friend, H. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my first. I trust you.”
He felt his heart swell and he moved back on top of her. His arms were straight beside her head.
“Kiss me please.” She said breathily.
He moved his face closer, nose bumping into hers as he pecked her top lip. She met him in the kiss her hands glided over to his shoulders. Both their eyes fluttered shut.
There was little urgency in their kiss, though Y/n felt herself ache for him but she felt no urge to rush him. Harry always liked to take his time. He used his free hand to slide down to her hip gently squeezing the flesh there.
He started to scatter his kisses down along her jaw and nipped her ear. She sighed softly letting a moan slip in contentment. Her hands moved to his hair softly massaging his head.
His kisses travelled further down to her neck and he sucked harshly against her nipping the soft skin, she hissed in pleasure and he licked back over the spot to soothe her. Her pretty sighs of contentment made him smile against her skin.
His lips grazed further down across her chest and he could hear the pounding of her heart.
“Are y’nervous, Bun?” He asked, eyes looking up to meet hers.
She looked down at him. “A little but, I don’t need to be do I?”
“No, it’s just me.”
She smiled, moving a curl away from his forehead, “Just Harry.”
“Exactly, just me. But you know that if you wanna stop at any time you tell me. Or if it hurts, or for any reason just say it and I’ll stop. We can just cuddle, I won’t mind.” He replied.
“I know, I will.” She said.
“Good girl.” He kissed her heaving chest as he moved further down lapping her nipple up into his mouth.
She squirmed her hips against the thigh that rested between her legs, he could feel how wet she was against his bare skin. “Ah,” She cried softly.
His free hand massaged the tit that wasn’t in his mouth softly. Her back arched into his touch. “Oh, Harry, you are so good at that. Fuck.”
He chuckled lightly moving back up to her face. “You ready?”
She nodded. “Mhmm.”
He kissed her forehead in response, pulling off her.
“Where are you going?” She grabbed his arms.
“To get a condom.”
“No, it’s okay,”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
He felt his prick twitch at her words.
“Okay.”
Her legs wrapped around his waist and he moved his free hand down to grab ahold of himself. She felt the head of his cock pulsating against her sensitive clit. “M’ gonna go slow, okay?”
She nodded, her chest heaving into his. “Mmkay.” She breathed.
He dragged the tip down to her weeping hole, hissing at the contact of it.
“You okay?” She asked.
He pressed his forehead into hers. “Yeah, you?”
She nodded.
That was enough reassurance for him to start to slip inside, his cock was so heavy in need. Even though he had gotten her more comfortable and stretched for him with his fingers it still stung as he pushed inside.
Only the head of him was inside and she already felt so stretched.
“S’big.” She muttered.
He was going very slowly, his eyes trained on her face, and the pinched expression she was sporting. Worried that it was too painful. Knowing he was rather large.
He grabbed her hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. “Keep going, please.” She said.
He nodded in reply, slowly pushing his hips further. She sighed in discomfort, feeling the veins of him against her. She clenched and he hissed. Pushing further, he felt his cock splitting her open.
He noticed her eyes were glassy and a tear slipped from her eye as she bit her lip.
“Do you want me to stop?” He asked rushedly.
She shook her head. “No, keep going, just stings a bit.” She tried to explain.
“Are you sure?”
She nodded, “Mhm.”
He rocked forward and he felt him slip into her further. “M’nearly there, Love,” He soothed, kissing her temple.
When he rutted one final thrust his balls pressed against her ass. They both whimpered at the contact.
Her eyes were dilated as she felt completely full of him. “Shit, Harry.” Her legs were wrapped around his lower back holding him close.
“You’re so tight, fuck me,” He whined. She was clenching rythmically around his throbbing prick.
“You can move,” She knew that soon the pain would become pleasure, it would melt away soon, it was already beginning too.
He buried his face in the side of her neck, smelling her perfume and natural scent as he moans grew louder muffled by her shoulder. His thrusts began shallow and slow and she whined loudly. Her arms wrapped around the expanse of his back and she scratched along his shoulderblades.
He hissed at the pain, loving the sting.
“Harry,” She cried out when he started to speed up into her, ramming against her sensitive spongey spot that made her lose her mind, he was the only one who could reach that deep inside of her. She felt him all the way in her stomach. She was already sensitive from her previous orgasm and was keening at the feeling of his slow needy rutting.
He whined at the feel of her clamping down on him. “Fuck, Y/n.”
The pain had subsided to pleasure, the sting hardly noticeable now. She squeezed his shoulder, “Feels good, H.”
He started to speed up now, pounding into her at a ruthless speeed. “Shit, Baby, feel s’good on m’cock.”
He was needily moving into her, as his head remained buried by her neck breathing in the delicious sent of her. It had been a long time since he’d had sex and since he had only been with Y/n for these few months now he’d only had blowies or handjobs, which were great don’t get him wrong, but nothing and I mean nothing compared to her wet tight pussy. God, he’d dreamed of it. Nights and nights he’d lay awake dreaming of it. Dreamed of burying himself in there deeply, and the little sounds it would make.
He knew the right thing to do was to wait, and he was so glad he did. But it meant he was worried he might cum inside her already, the tension building all this time meant he was so pent up. He just wanted to release all his sexual frustrations from these past few months. She was so perfect against his cock, like it was made to wrap around him.
“Like this pussy was made for me.” He rambled.
“I can feel you in my tummy, H.” She whined shutting her eyes, and he pulled up from her should moving his hand to press onto the now bulging flesh of her tummy. With each pump he felt her clench against his prick and saw the faint bulge of his cock. He could feel himself with each thrust, as they both moaned.
He moved that hand from her tummy down lower to her swollen clit that was begging for attention. Rubbing harsh circles and her hips twitched. “Oh god, Harry,”
He wanted to feel her cum on his cock, he was desprate for the feeling, he could already tell she was getting closer to the brink from the stimulation on her puffy senstive clit and his thick prick pounding into her. The clamping of her pussy was growing irregular and when his thrusts went particularly deep inside of her, her eyes rolled back.
She felt euphoric, this white blistering hot feeling was shooting through her from head to toe.
She was honestly surprised how good he made her feel, when she was younger and all her friends were losing their virginities they told her it hurt and that it was awkward. Or that they didn’t cum, and there was no foreplay. She had expected that Harry would know what he was doing, but even that didn’t live up to this moment. She had also known that it may not be as pleasurable until later on but she was feeling like she was on cloud fucking nine.
“You’re so pretty, such a pretty little thing.” He mumbled as he placed some kisses down her neck and along her collarbone.
She mewled her back arching into him. “Oh, fuck,” she whispered with a slight disbeleif in her eyes, “think you’re gonna make me cum, Baby.”
He watched her with a sultry grin, as her eyes screwed shut and the hands that were on his back started to scratch along the tan flesh once again much sharper. “Don’t stop,” She panted.
“Such a good girl f’me. Y’gonna come on my cock?” He asked teasingly, with a pant.
She could only whine in response, biting her lip at the intensity.
“Atta’ girl. Be a good girl and cum on m’cock.” He praised.
She started to shake, the feeling of his fingers still on her clit was pushing her to her orgasm. Her tummy clenched and she couldn’t contain her hips from squirming up into his. This intense wave of bliss rushed through her as waves of pleasure melted from her chest to her stomach all the way down to her throbbing pussy that was wrapped around him.
Her heart was thumping in her chest as her entire body twitched in delight and climax. His prick never stopped it's pounding as he let her orgasm ride out. It was longer than the first one and like nothing she had ever felt before. She’d only dreamt of this kind of pleasure and usually Harry was the one giving it too her. She felt like it was an out of body experience, her head became lightheaded and stars appeared in her vision. She hadn’t even heard her self crying out, until she came back too.
He slowed down to allow her a moment to catch her breath. Her pussy felt so senstive that even these more gentle and tame strokes had her basically sobbing with pleasure.
“I’m close, Sweet girl,” He hissed and he began to speed up once more now his thrusts were sloppy and an uneven rhythm. Her orgasm had made him lose any last bit of control he had.
She could barely speak she was so spent. “Please,” She didn’t know what exactly she was begging for.
He pushed his lips into hers and trapped her in a kiss, her hands found their way into his thick hair which was coated in a light dampness from sweat. She moaned against them and he was whimpering into her swollen lips. He pulled his lips off hers for a moment as he whimpered a desprate, “Gonna’ cum.”
She managed to breath out a soft, “Cum for me Harry,”
The delicacy of her voice made him lose it and he felt his cock twitch in release, hot spurts of his cum shot up inside her and she felt him fill her up completely. He whimpered the most despratelty she’d ever heard and his head fell into her neck. “Fuck,” He breathed.
Her pussy was still clenched around him tightly. “That was…wow.”
She giggled. “That was perfect.”
He lifted up from her shoulder and captured her lips into a kiss. It was long and tender and much softer than then the urgent act they’d just comitted. He itched to say it, those three words, but all that came out was.
“You’re gorgeous, Y/n.”
“Thank you, Harry,”
He kissed her forehead. “Come on, let's clean you up.”
if you enjoyed please follow me to see the next parts coming soon ily 🫶 feel free to check out my masterlist xxx & feel free to request me too!!
#harry styles#harry styles angst#harry styles smut#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#fwb!harry#nostringsattachedseriesbylilystyles#virgin!reader x harry styles#harrys house#lilystyles
535 notes
·
View notes
Text
suicide warning (vent but more introspective than anything) (please don't read if it will upset or distress you, I am in no danger nor will I be in the future)
I'm sure I'll regret talking about this but I've been having this really weird feeling lately. I used to be very suicidal for a long time when I was growing up, and then it got lesser, but for a while there was nothing I wanted so much as to kill myself, and now I'm much better than that thanks to being granted the space and time to get better and the support and love of my few friends and family, but it's been on my mind a lot lately too. I am not going to hurt myself in any capacity, but I guess I feel like there's nothing for me. I used to want to die as like, a response to needing to escape, and then it was because I couldn't handle the extreme anxiety I was experiencing, but these days I don't feel I need to escape where I am nor do I get so achingly anxious, but there is this unamed absence. I don't want to move forward anymore, because I feel like there's nothing to move forward into, I think? I don't have much passion for anything but that isn't me saying I'm not happy! Because I'm so happy when I'm talking to my friend or when I'm with my sisters, but by myself I don't want to really go on. I think I'm wondering if other people know what i mean? I know I've spoken on here before about the loneliness I was suffering with, and I know now that I'm not alone in that. But I don't know if it's normal to feel this way. It's starkly different to how I wanted to hurt myself in the past. I never would, because I love my family and I don't want to hurt them, and I don't believe there's nothing to live for. But not much, either.
I'm not sure if it's dissatisfaction, or I'm just having a moment, but now I finally have all the things I was striving for but couldn't maintain when I was suicidal, a job and education and general wellness, I can't help noticing that there's still something wrong. I'm worried that it's just me, and that I'm gonna feel this way because I am this way. I'm really worried I have nothing to offer to the world or my family and I think I've been trying to compensate for that with the wrong things. Right now I am struggling to feel a connection to everything, or a desire to do one particular thing, is this a common feeling? Not to be silly but is it just depression, or is it nothing like that? I don't want to do anything anymore besides sit in bed, but I'm constantly aware of time passing, and even when I'm in bed I don't actually want to be in bed, I want to distract myself, but I don't enjoy any of the distractions. I guess, altogether, in one big sum up, I feel like I have no value as a person and that my life has nothing for me either.
Again though, I am not in any danger of hurting myself or doing anything like that and this isn't meant to worry anybody, I'm hoping someone knows what I'm feeling is all
150 notes
·
View notes
Text
22:55
Choi San x Fem!Reader
Wc: 2.9k
Warnings: sexual harrasment
Synopsis: after being left traveling alone, everything takes a turn when you meet a kind stranger.
part 2 part 3
You hated it. You hated the whole situation you found yourself in. Due to a clash in schedules, instead of travelling with your family this year, you had to go a week later. Alone. Even if you weren't a child, you'd never got a plane alone before. So here you were, sat by the gate waiting anxiously for boarding information. You just wanted to get on the plane. The quicker you got on, the quicker it would be over. Everyone around you seemed so happy, excited for their upcoming holiday. Or maybe they were returning home after a long trip. Why wasn't the screen changing? It was past your schedule time. You dreaded to think of who you'd end up next to on the plane. Luckily, you had an Isle seat. Either way, you just felt so alone. A sharp ring from the intercoms caught everyone's attention, alerting passengers to look for boarding information. You looked, your heart sunk.
𝘍𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 22:55
That was six hours away. Biting your lip, you watched as the other passengers left the gate in annoyance. Either going to the airport Hotel or one of the many places to eat. You couldn't bring yourself to move. Six hours longer, stuck there, alone. Picking at the fibers of your denim shorts, you wracked your brain for something to do. Just sit there? Waiting. No, because the gate would most likely change. Go get food? No, you felt so anxious it was making you nauseous.
"Excuse me?" A male voice broke you from your thoughts. Looking up, you found a young man standing in front of you. Wearing a large, very large but very warm looking, grey hoodie with the hood up. Red hair poked out the front, falling over his forehead and some over his eyes. Accompanied with oversized lightwash jeans and black converse, you were jealous of how comfortable the man looked. His face held a kind smile, but his eyes showed he was nervous.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I was just wondering, are you travelling alone?" Seeing the look of confusion on your face, he carried on talking quickly.
"I'm just asking because I am too. And I was wondering, if you wanted to come get some food with me? You know, so we're both not alone." Understanding now, why he had approached you, you contemplated it. The man didn't look like a murderer. He seemed to be friendly.
"Feel free to say no. You just look a little on edge." Hearing this, you smiled bashfully at the stranger.
"Just a bit. Sorry." Shaking his head, the man looked as though he understood.
"Dont apologise, I get it. So, what do you say? Crappy Airport food?" Giggling at his words, you found yourself nodding and standing up.
"Sounds better than sitting on my own. I'm (y/n) by the way." Clearly relieved you had agreed, he beamed at you as you took hold of your travel bag.
"San. Nice to meet you." 'San' took a few steps backwards, just to make sure you were following, then turned on his heal to carry on.
"Theres a few cafés? In the mood for something sweet?" He asked, gazing over at you.
"Always." You replied, maybe a little to quickly. But San just chuckled, leading you both into the, surprisingly empty, cafe. Finding two worn down armchairs, you two placed your things down then looked over to the board.
"What are you thinking? I kind of want cake." Liking what he was saying, you hummed.
"Cake sounds good. What type?" Before you could give your input of cake flavour, you found yourselves speaking at the same time.
"Chocolate." Surprised, you looked at each other before laughing.
"Good taste. You stay here. I'll go get it, what drink did you want?"
"Just, hot tea. Thanks." Bobbing his head at you, San went over to the counter whilst you sat yourself on one of the chairs. Now fully distracted from your flight and situation, you grabbed your purse and waited for him to return. You felt lucky, that you were no longer on your own. Even if it was spurradic, you were grateful.
"Here we go. I got you sugars for the tea." San placed the tray down, moving its contents onto the table then put it aside.
"Thank you. How much do I owe you?"
"Nothing. Consider it a gift." Confused, you tilted your head, watching as he sipped his matcha latte.
"For what?" Gazing up at you, San put the plastic cup down.
"Our first date." He winked, heat rushing to your cheeks. Smirking, the red-head let out a laugh at your clearly flustered face. You busied yourself with putting your purse away.
"So, why are you travelling alone?" Surprised at his question, you stirred the sugar into your tea.
"Oh, well I had a final exam last week. So I couldn't fly with my parents. You?" San, who was focused on eating the frosting of his cake, locked eyes with you. Of course you had noticed how attractive this man was. His eyes were so pretty, smile seemingly drawing you in. Plus, his smile lines almost made you blush. It was slightly embarrassing. But San was clearly just not wanting to wait six hours alone. It wasn't as if there was anything else to it.
"I'm flying out to meet my friends. I couldn't get the week off work to go with them." You hummed again, taking a bite of your cake. Finding it to be better than expected, your eyes widened a little.
"Its good isn't it?" San had pretty much devoured his by now, showing he thought the same.
For the next few hours, you two sat in the cafe, discussing various topics. Like what he did for work, a dance instructor at his friends studio. You thought that was amazing. He too asked about your studies, allowing you to tell him all about it. San listened intently, giving you his full attention. You found it sweet that he was so intrigued. Eventually, your conversation drifted back to the holiday you were both about to embark on.
"So we've rented a villa for the next few weeks. Wooyoung, my friend, wants to spend it partying but he can't keep up with that." San laughed, crossing his leg so his ankle rested on his knee. Ignoring the fact you found that move particularly attractive, you giggled along with him.
"You not the party sort?"
"No. I don't handle alcohol well. You?"
"Me neither." You told him, liking that you had so many things in common.
"I'm just on a family holiday. We go every few years. We also have a villa." Noticing the lack of motivation in your voice, San sat forward.
"Are you not happy to be going?"
"I am. Just, my family can be a bit much." Deciding not to push it any further, he thought for a second.
" Hey, maybe we'll be staying near each other. Do you have the address?" Nodding, you pulled it up and handed your phone over to him. San brought his own phone out, clearly searching Google maps. His eyes lit up, getting up and sitting on the arm of your chair.
"Look! They're like a street apart." You smiled, seeing that he was correct. Feeling how close he was, you blushed slightly and gazed up at him.
"Maybe we'll see each other." Scoffing, San pulled his phone back and switched onto another app.
"Maybe? We can hang out. It'll be fun. Here, put your number and socials on my phone." Shocked, you didn't protest and did just that, handing it back when you were done.
"Hey where are you sat on the plane? I'm on row five." You deflated, San noticing and frowning.
"Sat far away huh?" You nod at him.
"I'm quite close to the back." You told him, leaning back against the chair. The male pondered for a few seconds before smiling again.
"Its OK. I'll come visit you." You couldn't help but laugh, getting shy again. Praying he hadn't noticed, you didn't see how he was looking at you. But that was fine, for now.
Spending time with San, time flew by and before you knew it, you were getting ready to board the plane.
"I'll see you on the other side." San joked. Scoffing, you hugged yourself tightly. It was now obviously much later and the temperature had dropped sufficiently.
"You're cold?" Looking up to the man, you just just gave a small shrug.
"I'll be fine." He rolled his eyes almost playfully and dropped his backpack. Your eyes widened as he unzipped his hoodie and walked to stand in front of you. You couldn't think straight, allowing him to slip the garment onto you with ease. San even zipped it up, straightening the shoulders out which were far to big for you. More to the point, your eyes were shamefully glued to his physique. How on earth was he built like that? Even if he was wearing a black tshirt, it was tight to his frame and you could tell from his arms how built he was. Sans hands stayed on your shoulders, admiring how small you looked for a second. That's when you snapped out of it, face crimson.
"No no, you need this. It's yours." He brushed you off, pulling the hood over your head.
"I'll get it off you once we land. We can share an uber." Chewing on your lip to stop yourself from smiling like an idiot, you nodded quickly and waved goodbye as Sans boarding group was called.
When you got you your seat, you found the rest of your row already occupied. By the window, an old lady who was reading. She looked angry, a permanent scowel etched into her features. In the middle, a man around the same age. Upon looking closer, you saw wedding rings. OK. An old married couple. Not bad. Or so you thought. Taking your seat, you accidentally dropped your bag, hitting the man. Gasping, you turned to him immediately.
"I'm so so sorry." Instead of yelling, the man gave you a smile that made your stomach turn.
"Its no trouble sweet cheeks." Deciding to excuse his language as "old fashioned" you just turned forward and took a deep breath. It would all be over soon. That's what you kept thinking. You gripped onto the arms of your seat as you took off, relived once the plane was safely in the air. Deciding to play some games on your phone, you very quickly became aware of the fact you were being watched. You could feel eyes boring into your side. Slowly, you looked at the man beside you. He just smirked, showing off his dentures.
"How old are you sugar?" Disgusted by the name, you moved yourself back slightly.
"Uh, twenty one." He grinned, hand making its way towards you slowly.
"Perfect. You're very cute." His hand landed on your thigh, making you flinch away. Now extremely uncomfortable, you looked to his wife only to see that she was drinking from a flask. Great.
"Could you move your hand please?" You tried, giving a weak smile in attempt to sway him. Instead, his bucked and wrinkly fingers began gliding along your skin. Suddenly, your vision was blocked as a hand grasped at the man's wrist.
"She said move your hand." San spat, shoving his hand back harshly. The man sputtered out a dumb excuse about being old but San just rolled his eyes, ignoring him. Grabbing your bag, he gently took hold of your hand and lead you down the aisle. Eventually he stopped at an empty row and let you sit by the window.
"Are you OK?" San asked, facing you with a worried expression. You nod slowly, rubbing your face with your hands, which were covered with the sleeves of his hoodie. San grabbed his backpack, pulling out an ipad and some ear buds. He pulled his tray table down, balancing the device skillfully.
"Wanna watch a movie? I have some downloaded." You agreed, letting him put a bud in your left ear. You watched as he pulled up the list and you picked a Disney film for comfort. San smiled down at you, taking note that you still looked stressed. Tentivley, he lifted the arm rest between you both and raised his arm. You didn't protest as he pulled you into his chest, your head resting there comfortably.
"You can sleep if you like? I won't move." He promised, a hand coming up to brush through your hair softly. Feeling safe, you finally smiled and fully relaxed into his hold. It didn't take long for you to fall asleep after that.
You awoke a few hours later, the cabin lights were dim as most of the passengers were sleeping. Looking to your right, you found San also asleep. He neck was bent awkwardly, head resting on the seat uncomfortably. Frowning, you gently moved his head to rest on your shoulder. Instinctively, the man repositioned himself so his face was in the crook of you neck. His body moving lower in his seat, arm hanging over your middle. You blushed, but smiled knowing he could rest better now. After checking the time, you saw you only had an hour left. For a while, you played on your phone, enjoying the warmth provided by the man next to you. So concentrated on your mobile game, you didn't notice when San woke up. It was only after your level finished that you noticed his eyes on you. He smiled, still half asleep before yawning into his hand.
"Are we nearly there?" His voice was deep, fatigue laced in his words. You nod, helping him to sit up straight.
"We should be landing in about thirty minutes." He hummed, pulling you back into hid arms. You knew you were blushing but chose to just bask in his comfort.
"I wanna keep watching you play." Even though you were surprised by his request, you smiled and began playing your game again. He watched, evem helping you through some levels. You only stopped when the pilot spoke over the intercom. San held you flush against him securely as the plane began it's descent. You tensed up, your stomach doing flips each time the plane lost pressure. As if sensing this, Sans grip tightened, his other arm coming to wrap around you as well. He didn't let go until the plane landed and the wheels came to a halt.
"You okay?" He asked, pulling away and cupping your cheeks. Simpering, you nod and sat back.
"My legs are so numb." You laughed, stretching out best you could in the restricted space.
"Need me to carry you?" San asked with a hint of amusement. You scoffed, standing with him and getting your bag.
"You couldn't do that." All he did was raise his brows, looking at you with a bored expression. Smiling, you looked down and allowed him to take your hand and pull you off the aircraft. It was early morning, around seven a.m. The sun was just rising, you saw through the windows. It didn't take long to pass security. San even collected your suitcase off the conveyer belt after you pointed it out. You stepped outside into the morning air and inhaled deeply, letting San book your uber. (He refused to let you pay). Realising you'd have to part from your new friend, you frowned.
"What's wrong?" He stepped closer, putting his hand on your shoulder. Shaking your head, you looked up at him.
"Nothing. I just. Thank you you for being with me today. It means a lot." Giving you a soft smile, San pet your hair affectionately.
"Its no problem. I really enjoyed your company." He told you honestly, his words lifting your spirit slightly. Sadly, the uber pulled up and you both got in, falling into a comfortable conversion.
Sensing that your stop was coming up, you turned to san with a mellow expression.
"I guess I might see you around." You almost pouted, but held back from appearing too disappointed.
"Might? (Y/n) I'm going to text you as soon as I get in. Then we can arrange to hang out."
"Really?" You practically lit up, grinning at him. San chuckled, Bobbing his head in confirmation. When the uber stopped, you weren't so upset about getting out. Leaning down, you gazed at San from the door.
"I'll talk soon then?" Smirking at you, he nod and responded.
"Definitely. I'll text you in...ten minutes?" Both laughed, him waving as you shut the door and he got driven away. Of course, you went to greet your family, giving everyone a hug. It was only when your mother pulled away that she noticed.
"What are you wearing?"
Dumping your suitcase, you lay on your bed and pulled out your phone to see a DM.
San: I'm going to murder wooyoung. This place is a mess.
Giggling, you liked the message before responding.
You: it can't be that bad??
San: you haven't met the boy. Mingi is also dead to the world so I'm going to have to clean up.😤
You smiled to yourself, giving a laughing face in reply before remembering.
You: by the way, I forgot to give you your hoodie back. I'm sorry.
San: keep it for now. I'm sure we'll be seeing each other very soon
You hoped he was right. Never in your life had you felt so comforted and safe by a stranger. Buy you weren't going to question it, just accept it. You had a month to meet up again. For now, you just had to wait and see.
#choi san#san x reader#ateez imagines#ateez fluff#ateez x reader#choi san x y/n#choi san x reader#san x reader fluff
237 notes
·
View notes
Note
Eats your Stardew Valley Elliott art
anyways! Ive seen barely anyone do this but what do you think Elliotts’ backstory is? Like what’s his relationship with his parents? You can draw and/or write it if you want :)
(i crave angsty backstory for Elliott…because I love him…)
Please, feast away! It brings me so much happiness that people are enjoying my Stardew Valley art so much! I usually make my own personal art, so dabbling in a little fan art and it going so well is very appreciated.(also all the nice comments and tags, those fuel me and make me go forward each day)
But for the main part of the ask, it takes so much for my little writer self to not just go hog wild and re-create characters who I get attached to. I have a love hate relationship with this, but it's very easy to do with Stardew characters because they are all so blank slate, those little buddies can be what ever you want because they are the perfect level of lovable yet bland. As for Elliott, yeah I'm a little more on the angsty side of backstory for him, partially from some dialogue and partially from some projecting, haha.
I am not the worlds best writer(despite the fact that it's technically what I do) so I apologize if any of this is a bit rough or odd sounding :P I also feel odd about writing and sharing backstories for already made characters as a creative myself, so this might also be a bit awkwardly worded on my end as well. So just a little heads up before my rambling thoughts below.
So I've always read him as no longer connected to his family due to his passions and actually following them. He's distanced himself from most people in his past, some intentionally and some outside of his control, to try and become who he actually wants to be. I feel like before he came to Stardew Valley he was working his ass off by not gracefully juggling both a job and trying to write at the same time, probably developed some bad habits during those times to cope. He tries to not show it and mask but being kind and welcoming(sometimes overly so if in a rough spot), he has too much ego to let others know he's not doing well chasing his dreams. After moving to Stardew Valley he's started to do a bit better but he's even more of a starving artist because he's just living off savings, most of which he used to buy the cabin. Man's got a male living space by slight necessity but plays it off as being a minimalist. Also no idea where I would place this otherwise, but he gives me the vibe that he has a more public facing persona where he's more flowery and puts on a slight voice, while in reality he's just a dude(still poetic tho, he can't stop that, theater kid vibes).
Ironically trying to not make him too much like my character Elliot. Both of these men are my current stress toys and I am throwing them around so much in my mind.
Ah! Thank you so much for this ask, it was a wonderful distraction for my night! I love answering stuff and getting to get my thoughts out of my head somehow. They are quite loud in there so I'm pleased to have them out and about now. This likely isn't everything but my brain works in such scattered and anxious ways that I am not sure. Thank you again!
#ask#stardew valley#stardew elliott#no clue if I should tag that but ah. guess so for at least my own blogs sorting
47 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey! I'm a HUGE fan or your work, and I was wondering if I could have a request for how Andre, Brett, and Myc's s/o would comfort them? I am so soft for these men-
AWE ABSOLUTELY <333 AND THANK YOU FOR THE KIND WORDS OML
sfw!!!! brief mention of drugs, bad eating habits, lack of self care.
Myc
Overall super hard to tell when he's not doing well?
Not only because he keeps things very bottled up overall, but also he has,, no face. hm. MSNDMSNDSM
It definitely gets easier overtime!! His 'bulb' tends to be dimmer, you can hear a certain tension in his voice when he's worrying about smth.
His instant reaction is Ew What Are You Doing. Very twitch-dodge, flinching sorta reaction?
SIGH. he doesn't like getting. attached to people. Stop being endearing. Stop that put those puppydog eyes away you bastard
He isn't a fan of. usual kinds of doting? Sappy 'You Can Do It :)!!' platitudes feel super forced and plastic to him. Even if you mean it genuinely, it just doesn't really. hit.
in the same vein. ughhhhhh talking about his feelings SUCKS go AWAY he is not INTERESTED fuck OFF
Honestly?? Just sit with him?? Crack some jokes, provide distraction, give him contact. Not only is it super calming, but getting a stronger window into your head is. actually pretty nice.
He. likes your mind. He'd never admit it, but being able to see into your brain is super nice. He finds your thought patterns super soothing.
PLUS YOU CAN BE SUPER SAPPY AND BE A BRAT ABOUT IT. Pronounce this snarky bitch dead via psychic damage. Blast his ass with 1000 volts of Love Juice. Think any and all mushy, lovey thoughts. watch his bitch ass get too boggled to remember what he was angsting about.
yes he will make fun of you but. it's worth it he looks so much calmer after.
Brett
OH affirmation does so much and. tbh he needs a lot of it.
He's not the most. confident individual, he has a lot of stress built up in those bones msndsmd.
mmmMMMM. he feels bad for. expressing his emotions. He feels like expressing guilt or anxiety is manipulative, WHICH HE KNOWS IS SILLY, but him feeling silly about it doesn't help it go away?
He's getting better tho! Therapy is a gem, he starts to come to you directly to ask for comfort.
BEST OPTIONS?? The simplest things tbh.
Like reminding him to take some breaths while rubbing his shoulders. Little bits of affirmation, telling him that you love him and that you're proud of him.
AAA <333 also just like. Doing stuff with him. Getting him moving is super helpful!!
Go on a walk (or run) somewhere!! Go out to a park, just do smth to get him outta his own head!! Even just making dinner together, slow dancing in the kitchen while noodles boil!!
It's easy to get stagnant when he's feeling bad, and doing stuff with you is his favorite thing!!
<333 also yes kisses are an amazing option. Your lovely boyfriend lights up so much when he gets a kiss from you <33 brbrbrbr
Andre
yeah he's. not usually very subtle when he's anxious?
Again, he feels super bad asking for help with stuff. Uber-Christian and super repressed family woooooo.
and he doesn't wanna worry you or scare you away?? Like people already see him as The Drug Guy, he doesn't want you to start seeing him differently because he's started showing. yknow. Symptoms.
Honestly?? Best comfort is taking some stuff off his hands.
When he's stressed or in a bad place, it's super easy for him to completely forget to take care of himself.
It's not like he does it purposefully, it's just hard to remember to eat and sleep when he's high-strung.
Make him some food!! soups are <333 and cheap ramen is his favorite shit, he used to survive on that during uni and now it's super nostalgic. Also he's a bottomless pit so dw about making too much food MSNDMSND!!!
Hoist his scrawny ass over your shoulder and wrangle him into bed!! Give him chest and neck kisses, let him rest his head on your chest to hear your heartbeat!!
Remind this silly bitch that you don't care if he stims, or if his tics start up??
He'll 100% try to hide his hands/lay weirdly so you can't see em, just out of General Insecurity. So just. remind him that he's being silly, because you give not a single fuck about em smndsmd!!!
Also one that he never expects, but always seems to help?? Just. remind him it's temporary. Like he knows this song-and-dance, he's done it a thousand times before, he'll do it a thousand times again, and even if it sucks rn it's not unsurvivable.
ITS JUST VERY EASY FOR HIM TO. Lose focus on the past and future? So that reminder is super good <33 helps keep him grounded babey!!
MWA love these boys. Lmk if you had something else in mind!! And as always y'all can add on as you see fit, I love hearing ppl go feral with me MSNDMSD
#im so sorry to anybody who has sent an ask in i work. so slowly.#BUT HEARTS AND ROSES THANK YOU FOR THIS. SOFT SOFT SOFT I LOVE WRITING SOFT SHIT WITH THESE BABES#andre lee#andre lee x reader#sfw#myc#magic myc x reader#brett hand#brett hand x reader#OH ALSO I WROTE THIS AS X READER. JUST BC ITS EASIER FOR MY LITTLE OVAL BRAIN APOLOGIES SMNDSM#inside job#x reader#TENTACLE MAN. TAKE ME BY THE HAND.#projects onto andre#MSNDMSNDMSNDSM SHOOSH. I gotta he's got ocd and tourettes we are symbiotic.#if we sat in a room together we'd explode i know it#MSNDMSND#Tics Feedback Loops (tm) are both very funny and very annoying MNSDMSDNSMDN#SORRY ANYWAYS. SUPER CUTE ASK#ALSO AA!! HELLO HELLO I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN MY INBOX FOR A WHILE!!!! HELLO!!!#ehehe. runs into the forest never 2 be seen again
116 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! I was wondering if I could maybe perhaps have a match-up? 👉👈
Appearance: Female, (She/Her/They,) very long curly hair! very soft, very bouncy, very thick, like a sheep!, skinny as a stick and physically weak, have a baby face and I hate it so much..don't know if any of this matters or helps but!
Personality: (idk if you like zodiac or if it helps you at all either, but i’m a Gemini Sun, Aquarius Moon, Virgo Rising!)
I’m generally a very quiet and reserved person, especially during first impressions! I’m kind of a shy and anxious lurking shadow who assumes the worst until I get a good enough feel of a person, you know? Then I'm comfortable popping in!
I tend to gravitate towards being "Designated Mom Friend" or "Big Sister Friend?" I love being able to make others feel better about themselves or to help them out. Maybe it’s because of some rough stuff in my past, but I never want anyone to feel similar to the ways I have. If you hurt someone I care about, I am never going like you. But if you hurt me? Eh..it’s not really new?
I’m kind of..soft? I cry very easily, be it happy or sad, and it frustrates me! I’m not a soft and squishy person !..okay yes I am but I’m also trying super hard to be the shoulder people can lean on if they need me! Growing a backbone is a work in progress, and sometimes I worry I come off too harsh or mean when I actually use it.
A friend once described me like glass; it’s fragile, but a broken piece can still really mess you up, you know?
Glass-ness aside, my sense of humor is honestly very dry and sarcastic and you probably wouldn’t expect it out of me! I can get kind of angry over petty things and sort of clingy, but I’ll be fine after some time to let it all pass.
I like playing crocheting and sewing, drawing and writing, and reading tarot cards! I like doing things alone, really, but I love the company of others when they want me to join in. Because it does indeed get lonely being alone sometimes!
I have some really gross depression bouts and lots of anxiety disorders that I do my best to juggle, but, sometimes I just have to shut down for a bit and sleep.
Values: Someone who can make me smile when I’m really having a hard time! I guess that sounds a little silly, but even something small to distract me from my thoughts is huge. Loyalty also? Admittedly I get kind of jealous and clingy when people I like hang around others too much..especially if I don’t like those others. I also really like um..acts of service I guess it is? Little things matter to me most!
NOPES: People who takes themselves too seriously. Disinterest/poking fun at in my hobbies or insecurities. Being completely babied/not letting me try to grow. Making assumptions based on appearance or first impressions alone.
OH- I'm Demi with a male preference?
Is this enough to work with? Hopefully so, thanks again!
-🐑
Of course you can, anon .ᐟ Don't worry, this is more than enough. I love the details, it really helps me be able to envision a matchup .ᐟ
Anon, I'm matching you with . . .
Sir Pentious .ᐟ
From what I understand about you, it seems like you really need somebody loyal and willing to make you happy, to cheer you up through the times where you're not feeling your greatest, and who's more loyal than Sir Pentious .ᐣ He's the first sinner soul to ever make it to Heaven, and for good reason .ᐟ He is devoted to his cause and the people around him, and your mom friend like behavior would endear you to him.
Not to mention he already seems to be fond of the sarcastic type .ᐟ I think he would absolutely adore your sense of humor. Snakes are typically solitary creatures, so your more reserved nature would really strike a chord with him. You mentioned your long hair .ᐣ He would love to comb it out for you. He has to be really gentle with his scales so I think he could sort of relate in that scenario. Sew or crochet him his Egg Bois some sweaters and he will be absolutely over the moon. Maybe you could help him fix Alastor's coat to make amends .ᐣ Either way, I think he would be a great match for you .ᐟ
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
what can i do when my anxiety gets really bad? its hard to distract myself from it and its hard for me to communicate with people. if you have any advice, i'd love to know, thank you for these wonderful posts ^^
Hello dear,
Thank you for appreciating my blog ♡
My number 1 advice with anxiety is obviously therapy, therapy can do a lot for anxiety and it's one of the most commonly treated illnesses, so chances for improving are big, tho I don't know if therapy is accessible for you.
You could also talk to a psychiatrist about going on some anti depressants or other medicine he recommends for anxiety if this is a long term issue for you maybe
Apart from these 2 things, anxiety feeds from anxious thoughts, so avoid just laying in bed overtinking and do some stuff that could help distract you, like reading, playing video games, watching tv, whatever you enjoy doing in your free time to relax.
There is also breathing exercises and invisible coping skills on google, you can find exercises you can do in your mind for helping with anxiety such as the 3 things I see, 3 things I hear, 3 things I feel exercise and similar stuff. It might be worth googling a list of coping skills and making a list of those that suit you, hang it up in your room where it's always visible.
Personally, fighting my depression and anxiety, I have enjoyed working out a few times a week for endorphins and to tire myself out so I can sleep and relax better.
Another thing that brings me so much peace and joy is reading - I bought a used kindle and am reading books on there every evening to relax, it's very helpful and fun.
I hope this helped you a little ♡
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
PICK A CARD
what do you need to hear + advice
This is my first pick a card reading! I hope you enjoy! (Tw, Mental Illness)
(I do not own these photos, I got them on Pinterest :P)
1-2-3
Pile one
Key notes: Feeling emotional, the color blue, red coat, 555, taxes, hitting your head on something? Carnelian, ball point pen, letters, Roblox, sports, Blocked or imbalanced throat chakra, rumbling tummy, Itchy Ears, Flowers, Shoulder pain, Luca, Virgo, Sagittarius
Hey Pile one.
I’m getting the feeling that you guys have been feel a little stuck and stagnant in your energy in surroundings. Some ways to help get it of this energy is to spend some alone time in nature, to really ground yourself and to listen to your intuition. even if it is spending 10 minutes out side to get some fresh air. Try to take a break. Maybe try meditation. Take a bath and image stagnate energy washing off you. You may have been feeling like there has been some extra burdens on you or that you have had more responsibilities that normal. Maybe you guys could be dealing with some mental illness that are hard for you to deal with. If this is you and you have the resources to do so I think that therapy could be helpful. or even talking to someone around you. Or if you are unable to access either of those sometimes writing or typing everything that has been hard for you down can be very helpful. Also making voice memos. I feel like you guys could be pushing down any uncomfortable feelings that you have been feeling. Some shadow work could be helpful for this.Please take the time to nurture and take care of yourself. I feel as though you guys really try to take care of others around you, and not focusing on yourself as much. I feel you do this for external validation and or because you are afraid of being alone with your thoughts that you drown yourself in external things. I love you so much and I know that it can be scary to confront these hard emotions. But I am seeing that there will be some new opportunities that will be presenting themselves to you in the near future. In the meantime take some time for self care and rest. Maybe for some of you, you have been feeling anxious or scared for what’s to come next in life. Although it may seem scary I see that everything will resolve itself. I’m seeing that ways to speed this along is lot of alone quiet time. I’m hearing for yourself to remove yourself from your phone or any distractions. I’m seeing for you to try and tap into that childlike self, do things that you would have loved to do as a child, (splashing in a pond, exploring nature, watching things you used to love, eating your favorite food as a child). Really try to nurture yourself and to take care of that younger vision of yourself. Im also hearing to please release anything that is no longer serving you, people, patterns, objects. Try to loosen your grip on these things in doing so you make room for better things to come into your life. I’m hear that the next 6 months things will slowly be picking up and that you will be having some big things happen in your life. (Moving, New relationships, New job, New vision of self) Just keep pushing forward It will be worth it. But make sure that you are not moving to quickly that you will burn yourself out.All of this can be overwhelming for you, but things are moving in your favor. You will get past this difficult time in your life and in doing so become more resilient. I love you please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. I hope that you have a wonderful rest of your day/ night! Thank you :)
Pile two
Key notes: Chapped lips, overwatch, fire pit, dehydration, lawnmower, basket ball shorts, orange juice, 1055, video games, barking dog, chocolates, libra, Taurus.
Hi pile two!
I’m feeling as if your are conflicted about a love situation, i am hearing that you deserve better then what you have been receiving. It’s time to release anything or anyone who isn’t serving you. Speak up if something doesn’t feel right. I feel as though in a relationship or when you are around people if something bugs your or upsets you, you just let things slide, I’m getting the vibe that you ignore red flags. It’s time to start listening to the red flags. It’s time to step into your power and to take control of the situation at hand.Im seeing that your have a lot of potential and that you are putting that energy into something that isn’t being reciprocated back. I feel as though you are putting more energy into someone who isn’t lifting a finger to try and improve your relationship. I can tell you right now that you deserve the most wonderful person, they aren’t gonna be perfect but you will at least get the person that you are looking for. Please make sure to set boundaries. I feel once you release this person you slowly get back up and step into your power. I feel like you need to meet the universe half way when it comes to romantic relationships. Shadow work would be very helpful at this time. I feel like you have been hurt in that past and that you carry that energy into your new relationships. It is time to honor the hurt you feel. Your pain is valid. You need to stop lying to yourself about how things really are. There is room for improvement here. You are being called to really take time out to take care of your mind, body and soul.Being in nature cold be helpful to you, setting boundaries, shadow work, and speaking your mind when something or someone upsets you or rubs you the wrong way. You need to have a practical plan when it comes to dating, maybe make a list of what your ideal partner would be like, write down your wants and needs in a relationship. You will find the person that you are looking for with some trial and error. It’s time to take of the rose colored glasses and see what is right in front of you…. You should time some time to balance your feminine energy. Start doing things that you love or used to love just because. Start treating yourself the way you deserve. Buy yourself flowers and chocolate, really love yourself the way you wish someone would love you and you will attract the right person for you. I believe in you! You have the power to get what you deserve. Try to honor yourself today. I love you! I hope this resonated. Thank you! DM me if you need anything, any guidance. Or if you just need to talk. Have good day/ or night.
Pile three
Key notes:
Giddy, happy, exciting energy, looking forward to what gonna happen next, Midnight gospel, Manifestations, Heart Chakra, Spritual?, tea, malachite, cherry blossoms, anime, 355, Taurus, unicorn
Hello my beautiful pile 3
I can see that you guys have definitely had some hard experiences in the past. I am so proud of you for overcoming those difficulties. I think that you are ready for some new opportunity’s that will be coming into your like in the next 4-6 weeks. I get the feeling that these new changes or opportunities are really gonna work in your favor as long as you stay grounded during this time. You have put in so much work and energy to get to where you are . You have planted those seeds. I’m seeing the blossoming very soon. I’m seeing that you have pulled yourself out of a hard place. Honestly I’m seeing to keep doing what your doing because you are doing so well. You might not feel that way but when you look back you will really see that you were doing good for yourself and others. You may be meeting some new people. try not to be so focused on the outcome of these relationships and try to just stay present. Maybe there will be something that will come in that will throw you off so just be aware of that. Things are and will be working out in your favor. I’m seeing something with a child or kids. Maybe try and tap into that child like essence. Maybe there is gonna be a celebration coming up in your life soon, maybe a birthday for you or someone special in your life. Have so much fun. Overall things are looking very good for you. There are not that many messages coming out tho.I hope that things will go smoothly. I love you, keep up the good work. Thank you have a good night/ or afternoon.
Thank You for reading my messages! Take care. Please feel free to message me for any advice, readings, etc. or if you just feel like talking to someone.
Love you <3
-Karma
68 notes
·
View notes
Note
catalyst means the world to me fr
but also i am thinking about the christmas one shot specifically the birthday fact. because i had been wondering how often like ranboo would even let himself drink tubbos blood in like the long run of catalyst (among other things of course)
but i just keep thinking of birthday things that don't even relate to this but make me giggle. like you know how some people will say it's their friends birthday at a restaurant when it isn't for the hahas? actually wait imagine catalyst beeduo going out to eat and tubbo lying that it's ranboo's birthday for a free desert and ranboo gets really confused and anxious like ya know.
now i'm just thinking of catalyst beeduo in situations. like at the park and on the swings. enrichment! /silly
catalyst beeduo at a bookstore and ranboo casually drops the fact that his mom was friends with some famous author
catalyst beeduo adopt a CAT!!!! cat gets 24/7 pets (massive W)
catalyst beeduo build ikea furniture and they stay up so long trying to figure it out ranboo drops dead asleep. actually that wouldn't happen logically but i think it would be funny if there was a situation where they were both so focused they both forget that it's sunrise
anyways thank you for writing catalyst the brain worms will never stop tbh
1. how often would ranboo let himself drink tubbo's blood?
once a year, if ranboo got to decide entirely on his own. tubbo will sometimes mention that if ranboo doesn't feel like draining another bag of blood, he could have some of his instead. ranboo would take tubbo's blood over the bagged stuff any day, so sometimes it ends up being closer to three or four times a year. they both have a mutual interest in the intimacy of it all, which helps tubbo push past the pain, and ranboo push past the mental block :)
2. ranboo casually drops the fact that his mom was friends with a famous author
YES, and like, the cooler older ones, too. like the ones that english teachers preach about constantly. she was besties with a couple of them for sure.
3. catalyst beeduo at a park on the swings. enrichment! /silly
oh they are so silly indeed. maybe they even make a whole night out of it— getting pizza and then eating it at the top of the play equipment, tubbo pushing ranboo on the swings and then ranboo doing the same and tubbo nearly goes all the way around (man's is strong). maybe they even play a bit of catch, too, and it's not as cool as twilight's vampire baseball because ranboo cannot run fast, but it is very healing for tubbo's inner-child.
4. catalyst beeduo adopts a cat
yes. and maybe a michael at some point when they're all settled down and ready to raise, like, a whole ass kid. i'm thinking michael's a half-vampire too— just a little menace who steals tubbo's food and takes sneaky sips of ranboo's bagged blood. the cat gets 24/7 attention, and so does michael (who needs it tbh that little guy is so silly).
5. staying up late and ranboo just dropping dead
oh yeah that definitely happens at some point. if tubbo notices that ranboo's staying up a bit too close to sunrise, he'll warn him, but sometimes tubbo gets distracted too and ranboo just flops and tubbo only has half a heart attack before he realizes that Oh Yeahbhe just does That sometimes Crisis Averted :smile:
6. bonus headcanon/actual canon because i said so
when tubbo gets sick (like. colds and flus and stuff) ranboo ('acts of service as love language' husband) will do literally everything he can to take care of tubbo. he'll make him homemade soup (well... he'll call his mom, and his mom will), provide him with lots of tissues and cough syrup, makes sure he gets a good night of rest, and uh... there's also of course the "i have a fever and your hands are cold" so sometimes ranboo will just sit there with his hand on tubbo's forehead for like hours but it's just. THEY'RE SO FOND OF EACH OTHER AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF ONE ANOTHER AND [explodes]
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I was wondering if I could request a ship? With Stray Kids, TXT, and The Boyz, please?
Hobbies: I enjoy listening to music and I play piano. I also like to dance, but I can't sing for the life of me! When I'm not doing homework (boo), I'm watching anime or reading fantasy novels. I also play some sports; softball and skiing.
Personality: I'm on the quieter side, unless I'm with my close friends. I get stressed and anxious easily, but I tend to hide it, and people will describe me as a chill and relaxed person. I'm pretty smart and sort of a perfectionist, and I'm also pretty competitive (I mean who doesn't like to win?). I'm a good listener and am good at recognizing how others feel, I'm just bad at giving advice :)
Love Language/Ideal Type: My ideal type is just someone who I can feel comfortable with, laugh with, and have fun with. My love language is physical touch.
Thank you so much! I love your blog!
Hiii!! Thank you so much for your love and patience!!! Thank you for requesting! I really hope you like them<3
Stray kids:
I Ship you with…
Hyunjin
I feel like you guys balance each other and really similar
You guys go to the studio just to dance play around listen to music sing and have fun ahahaha you also just like to watch him practice
I feel like you guys could sit in a room in silence but still feel loved because your close to each other
He encourages you in your sports and shows up to games when he can with a sign
You and Hyunjin are not a couple when playing games you guys are enemies ahahha
Overall, I believe you guys are good for each other:)
TXT:
I Ship you with…
Hueningkai
You and Heuningkai are so freaking adorable adorable
You guys watch anime together cuddled in blankets and lots of snacks around
I feel like Hueningkai can tell when you are anxious and tries to distract you and make you laugh
Hueningkai’s finds your competitiveness hilarious
You guys are fun and relaxed together
You guys are very serious but it’s not like you confess your undying love for each other every day you like to have fun
He wants you to teach him how to ski
He appreciates a lot that you listen to him and understands how he feels
Overall, you guys are just perfection<3
The Boyz:
I Ship you with…
Juyeon
I feel like he doesn’t ever know what to say to you when your stressed or anxious so he just hugs you
You both are chill and just like to be in each other’s presence
Juyeon always lets you win, unless your playing with the other members, he will do anything to beat you
Even if you struggle with giving him advice he still appreciates it and feels loved knowing you care and listen to him
He shows up to your games acting like he’s some professional and is really into it
He will take you to the studio and dance with you to release some stress
Overall, you and Juyeon are just so cute:)
#kpop ships#kpop#tomorrow x together#txt#the boyz#stray kids#stray kids hyunjin#the boyz juyeon#txt huening kai#ships
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
tagged by the wonderful issy @outtamywayskinny (iconique url!) to answer these thirty delicious questions. yum!
name/nickname: sasha / alex / ash / sash, or some forbidden combination of those
gender: lmao
star sign: libra
height: 5′9″ or 175cm because I’m a bastard who believes in rounding up
time: 20:58 CET
birthday: 2nd october baby!
favorite band(s)/group(s): godspeed you! black emperor, liturgy, the soft moon, sonic youth, dinosaur jr, fugazi, system of a down (listen i’ve been jamming to toxicity a bunch recently... we love to hate george bush here), depeche mode, moss icon, a tribe called quest, public enemy, tom waits, mewithoutYou, mother mother, run the jewels, lightning bolt, fleet foxes, protomartyr, fuck buttons, radiohead (sorry)
favorite solo artist(s): chelsea wolfe, fiona apple, baths, mitski, patti smith, courtney love, noname, pj harvey, courtney barnett, steve albini (just anything he touches really), lingua ignota, MF DOOM, madvillain, kanye west’s early work only (again sorry but the college dropout is so good). i used to love grimes and azealia banks more than anything but time has proven me a fool on both fronts (more grimes than ab). i miss 2013 where i just listened to 212 and oblivion on repeat guilt-free.
song stuck in my head: ghost by gouge away. love to listen to a female vocalist scream her lungs out honestly.
last movie: bridget jones’ diary (2001) which is fascinating from a sociological point of view imo
last show: still watching adventure time season 7 with the hope of catching up to see obsidian and make my 2012 bubbline loving heart explode
when did i create this blog: august 2020
what do i post: rambling headcanons, occasional funny posts, takes that range from lukewarm to haute (coutre), other people’s cool art, links to my ao3 page (my writing is good), complaining (i love complaining)
last thing googled: “mace windu lightsaber.” i’m listening to A Civilised Age which is an EXCELLENT clone wars podcast and they were all discussing what lightsabers they’d have so i googled to check what designs they were talking about. so basically. nerd shit.
other blogs: @sashacore (art, politics, personal stuff), @profanetools (elder scrolls sideblog, lesbian dwarf zone)
do i get asks: yes but i dread every single one since i put on anon
why did i choose this url: it’s funny (to me, at least, i can’t tell if my jokes are good nine times out of ten)
following: 700 or something because i compulsively follow people back
followers: 398
average hours of sleep: ranges between 5 to 9 hours but regardless i’m always still tired
lucky number: 77
instruments: clarinet but i haven’t played it in years :(
what am i wearing: a new hope star wars t-shirt (i am visibly doing a shrug emoji but i’m too lazy to copy-paste so imagine it in your mind’s eye) a plaid shirt over that, poorly fitting mens jeans, chipped black nail varnish. very par for the course for sasha.
dream job: god just. someone pay me to write please.
dream trip: interrail around central europe OR i’d really like to do a tour of china, since i think it’s far more diverse and varied than most people give it credit for
favorite food: pizza, but specifically the 3,50€ takeaway pizza from the small southern italian town i lived in for a year in 2018 with the local style of fluffy crust / thin base. fucking divine. never again will i get that quality:price ratio. never again.
nationality: copying what issy says: “i’m from- 😐e- 😰 eng- 🤢 england 🤮” except i can’t say actually say i’m english since my mum is glaswegian it’d be death on sight, whoops! (i think she resents the fact that i’m english lol). but i am to my scottish family as james derry girls is to derry, if that makes sense. i refer to myself as bri’ish usually because it is accurate even if there are certain class connotations to calling yourself british vs. english (it’s a whole Thing).
favorite song: just one??? okay fine. fine. it’s chelsea wolfe’s flat lands.
last book read: i’m still reading beloved which is incredible but i’m also reading mort by terry pratchett which is a good read
three fictional universes you’d like to live in: 1. the one where i am mentally well 2. the one without capitalism 3. i think it’d be fun to airbend personally.
not tagging anyone but big love if you want to do this yourself!
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
I loved your last story, where Rio has the s/o with anxiety issues. Rio is such a teddy bear! Being someone with anxiety problems myself, i was wondering if maybe you could write a similar story with Samatoki? He is my absolute favorite. My kinnie as some would say. Thank you so much in advance!
｡ﾟ･ Samatoki with an anxious S/O - Headcanons ･ ｡ﾟ
✩ Warning: mentions of anxiety and panic attacks.
From the same request: Samatoki / Rio
☆ Author’s notes: hey anon, thanks for requesting! I am very sorry for the delay, I'm just really busy with school :,) If you ever need somebody to talk, my askbox is open! ♡
• Telling your boyfriend about your panic attacks certainly wasn’t a simple task.
• You had been dating Samatoki for a while and though you did share many things about yourself with him, anxiety was still a topic you didn’t know how to approach.
• Despite not being the most observant, Samatoki cared about you very much – enough to make him notice your anxious tendencies before you told him anything.
• Whenever he shouted, complaining about some ordinary issue, you’d get nervous, almost panicking.
• And if you had to face a challenging situation, your hands would always start trembling.
• When he realized this, Samatoki stopped shouting around you and started asking if you needed his help when your anxiety attacked – but you always told him you were fine and there was no need for his concern.
• Then one day, he received an unexpected call from you.
(More under the cut)
• It was 6 pm. By this time, you were usually leaving your job, so something might’ve happened there.
• When he picked up the phone and said his usual “Hey, babe”, there was a moment of silence before he heard you crying.
• Not only crying, but also desperately breathing.
• Worried, Samatoki focused on trying to calm you down:
• “Hey babe, it’s alright. I’m here talking to you. You can tell me what’s wrong later. Let’s just take some deep breaths for now.”
• Through the phone call, you two breathed deeply, counting until ten before exhaling slowly.
• “Now, follow the 3-3-3 rule. Name three things you see…”
• You did as he told, following all his instructions. They took your mind off for a moment, distracting it from all the previous tension.
• You started feeling calmer.
• It was time to tell your boyfriend about it.
• You felt his concern as you told him that you had a panic attack due to a stressful day at work – that being the reason why you felt the need to call him for help.
• You also told him that you had been dealing with anxiety for a while but never felt the courage to tell him so.
• Samatoki listened carefully to every single word.
• He himself had a hard time expressing his own weakness, so he definitely understood why you only told him now.
• Ever since that day, Samatoki would always reassure you when you felt anxious, even if it was through the phone.
• He would frequently use the 3-3-3 rule since it was effective in making you forget about what triggered your anxiety.
• If he was by your side, he’d hug you and caress your back gently.
• When you two got home after those bad days, your boyfriend would give you a shoulder massage to help you wind down.
• Samatoki also liked to cuddle and watch ASMR videos with you to help you both sleep and relax before a challenging day.
• Samatoki wanted you to be able to enjoy life with him as much as he enjoyed being with you.
• His efforts to help you deal with anxiety only showed how much he cared about you – and that made you love Samatoki even more.
#mad trigger crew#mtc writing#tw anxiety#tw panic attack#mtc#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis mic division rap battle#hypnosis microphone#fanfic#hypmic mtc#yokohama division#fluff#hypnosis mic headcanons#hypmic headcanons#hypmic x reader#hypnosis mic x reader#reader insert#mad trigger crew x reader#samatoki aohitsugi x reader#samatoki aohitsugi#hypmic samatoki#mr hardcore#hypnosis mic samatoki#aohitsugi samatoki#aohitsugi samatoki x reader#samatoki x reader
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Angels Roll Their Eyes (2/2)
(gif: @toesure) (PART ONE)
Summary: Hurricane Agatha approaches Kildare Island during the aftermath of the eventful Fourth of July party. JJ and Y/N are determined to continue avoiding each other after what happened at the party, but John B has other plans for them.
Warnings: Smut, strong language, angst, implied physical abuse, depictions of anxiety/panic attacks, and sickeningly sweet fluff.
Word Count: 24k
A/N: Here we goooo! To celebrate the trailer dropping today, here’s part two to Devils Roll The Dice. If you haven’t read the first part, I suggest you read it and come back so this makes sense. This one has all the drama and spice, so buckle up! Thank you for the love and support on the first part. Let me know if you enjoyed this and have fun, cause I had a blast writing it.
Hurricane Agatha.
It was the first thing she heard about as soon as she woke up yesterday to the sound of her phone blaring with an obnoxious tone that reminds her of waking up too early in the morning for work or school.
Her sleepy eyes couldn't make out who was calling, so she pressed the button to answer and lifted the phone to hear her mom's voice squawking through the speaker at her about the hurricane projected to hit the island in the middle of the night tonight.
The problem is, her parents are out of town this week, leaving her all alone to prep the house and endure the storm alone. And for someone who flinches whenever she thinks she hears the sound of thunder in the sky, that is the worst it can get.
It's a fear her friends are conscious of. One time when they were out on the HMS Pogue, a quick summer storm started to drift overhead and it took all of her self control to not fall into a blind panic when thunder began to rumble above. John B was already steering them back in the direction of the Chateau but she knew it would do nothing to calm her nerves until she was back inside of the house.
The anxiety was starting to become too overwhelming when JJ sat down beside her and threw his arm over her shoulder. It was their first month of knowing one another, so the casual friendly gesture made her jump at first and turn her head to look at him, but he acted like everything was normal.
The next person to notice was John B. With JJ currently out of commission, the only person she thought to call to help her prep the house for the incoming storm was him. Since they never got hurricanes up where she used to live her whole life, she needed someone who's been through a couple to help her while her parents weren't home.
That's how she ended up here. Sweating bullets in the front yard of her house as she unloads the contents of the van with John B was not how she envisioned her Saturday night to go, but she's glad she has someone who's willing to help.
In the past five months of being with the Pogues, she's learned that it's lovely to have friends. She never used to have any before she moved, so in situations like this or when she got so drunk at the party, she never would've had anyone to be there for her. It's quiet moments of kindness and companionship like this that make her realize how much better life has been on the other side of uprooting everything to move here—self-inflicted boy drama and all.
The sandbag on her shoulder sends a growing ache through her back muscles with every step she takes to follow him up the length of unpaved dirt path up to her front door. As usual, he makes it look way easier than it is, and it almost makes her want to laugh at how different they are.
Most of her new friends are effortless, naturally picking up anything they decide to try at while she is inept by comparison. It's part of what attracted her to JJ in the first place. He may have his insecurities the same way every other individual does, but in her eyes, he has nothing to be insecure of. Even when he wipes out on a wave and appears out of the water with sand clumped in his salt-kissed strands of blonde hair, he manages to make it look cool.
"What are you smiling about?"
John B's laughter makes her look up from where she concentrated on the dirt path to see him looking back at her. He stands at the entrance to her house with the rest of the sandbags they carried up placed meticulously in front of the door to prevent water from entering the house. They did the same thing with the back door an hour ago.
Is she smiling? She hadn't even realized her expression changed from one of exhaustion and fear at the dark clouds closing in above to a grin, so her face instantly drops in guilt. After running out on JJ for the second time two days ago to go to work, any mention of him from their friends has left her drowning in shame.
She can't recall the bulk of her memories from the night of the Fourth of July party, but she fills in the gaps between those flashes of memory with what their friends told her about it.
Thanks to her overindulgence, there are holes poked in the fabric of her memory.
It jumps from her last fully sober moment of seeing JJ across the room with the kook girl to dancing clumsily with Kie to the floral scent of her makeup wipes that she can't attach a specific visual image to.
Then, she can remember waking up with a start in the middle of the night to throw up in a pot beside the bed while he held back her hair. Before John B explained it, she was quite confused after waking up about how she somehow got from being jealous over JJ flirting with another girl to waking up in the same bed as him.
She grunts as she plops the last sandbag down into place and decides to take a seat on the steps leading up to the door.
"It wasn't anything special," Y/N says and watches him come down to sit next to her, "I was just thinking about taking something so I can pass out and avoid having a panic attack over this stupid storm."
Unlike JJ, she isn't that skilled of a liar. It's obvious to anyone who knows her well when she does it based on the way her eye contact begins to drift away and her voice raises in pitch when she speaks. She's too honest with her friends to handle keeping secrets from them, which is why it's been so difficult for her with everything that has happened recently. Not only does she lie to the Pogues, she also avoids them by association in the process of trying to avoid JJ.
Regardless of how obvious her bluffing is, John B doesn't call her out on it. Instead, he focuses on a different part of what she said.
"Are you sure you're gonna be okay alone? I know your parents are out of town till next week..." he trails off into concerned silence.
The tip of her sneaker hangs off of the edge of the bottom step and absentmindedly digs a line into the dirt as she takes in his question.
Being alone when she's prone to panicking is a recipe for disaster. Anxiety and loneliness have a relationship similar to that of a weapon and ammunition. It takes very little for her to fall down the rabbit hole of obsessive thinking and break down into a hyperventilating, fearful mess, especially when no one else is there to tug her out of those dark thoughts.
Most of the time, the people who help her with that are her parents. If they're home during one of these episodes, she'll come stumbling downstairs to them from her room for help, and they'll do everything they can to bring her down from hysterics. Her friends, on the other hand, have yet to witness her have one of those moments.
"Having people with me helps, you know? But it is what it is, I'll just try to cope the best I can and hope for the best."
He nods, and though he's a portrait of understanding, she wonders if he finds it as juvenile and stupid as she does.
Logically, she knows that this anxiety is something many people experience. She understands that it's something that is mostly out of her control but can't help but tear herself apart over it.
She thinks to herself, What kind of weirdo can't sit inside during a thunderstorm or hurricane without losing their shit? Why am I not the one in control of my own mind when this happens?
Do her friends think similar things? Do they think it's as pathetic as she does, or is she just paranoid that they pick her flaws apart as much as she does? And, of course, she wonders what JJ would think if he saw her panic like that. He may have seen her start to become anxious on the HMS Pogue, but he hasn't seen her panic panic before, not in the way that her parents have, and she wonders if he'd think less of her for it.
Right when she's about to change the topic and steer him away from a chance to think of how ridiculous she's being about the approaching hurricane, he says something that makes her look back over at him.
"Then come spend the night at the Chateau. I can distract you. We can play board games and shit."
"Really?" she asks.
The idea of anyone wanting to waste an entire night playing board games and possibly signing themselves up for having to talk her down from a panic attack makes her heart melt.
"Yeah, why not? You need a friend tonight. You know any of us would do anything for you. You're like my little sister, dude, we'd all probably hack off a limb if we thought it'd help you. Especially JJ."
John B's last second name-drop is designed specifically for where he wants this conversation to go. Underneath the need to get his friends back to normal, he does feel a little guilty for having to do this. She thinks he's only offering to let her stay with him to help her—and he is, even if there weren't a rift between her and JJ, he'd still offer—but he has a different reason.
"Right," she says softly. "Speaking of which...is he gonna be there tonight?"
With how often he escapes his house to spend a night or two in temporary safety at the Chateau, it's not an unfounded assumption. He and John B spend more time together than any of them because of this, and when she goes over to hang out, she knows that he and JJ often come as a package deal.
He tries to play it cool and not give up anything that could make her suspicious of him, looking off at the van parked in the driveway as he takes a second to collect his thoughts. It's never easy for him to deceive people he cares about, even if it's for their own good. It wasn't easy when he invited JJ to spend the night a few hours ago with the knowledge that he'd soon invite Y/N too either, but he managed.
As always, Pope is the brains behind this operation. He was the one to suggest inviting them both over to wait out Agatha together when the three of them put their heads together to come up with a solution to their oblivious friends' drama. After JJ stormed out of the house the morning after the party, they knew they had to do something about it. This was what it came to.
"Nah. I offered but he said he's staying at home until this whole thing blows over."
He isn't sure why she buys into it.
She knows JJ well enough to know that he would literally rather eat glass than be trapped in a confined space with his dad for an entire day. Perhaps it's only because it's what she wants to believe. She wants to believe that she won't have to see him again tonight after everything that happened. How can she handle having to tell him why got so drunk that night and made an ass of herself? She can't bear to tell him all of that unnecessary drama started because she was jealous.
What right does she have to feel that way? He isn't hers. They aren't together, and she thinks it's quite obvious that he doesn't want a relationship out of whatever it is they have together. It was one night. She has no right to be mad at him for flirting with other girls because of it.
"Then I'll definitely be taking you up on that offer. Thank you," she says.
The old wooden stairs make a squealing sound when she stands to make her way inside to gather her things for the night, but the feeling of a warm hand gripping her forearm stops her mid-step. Her eyes follow down the length of her arm back to where he sits, glancing at her with this knowing look in his eyes that makes her want to turn and hide.
"When are you gonna talk things out with him, Y/N?" he asks. "He misses you."
Since the party, no one has had the courage to burst her bubble of pretending not to care until now, but now that someone has, all of her bottled up emotions stir inside of her at a simple concept she hadn't considered yet.
JJ misses her.
For the first time since they began this stupid game of cat and mouse, she is confronted with how desperately she misses him back. So consumed with the task of concealing everything that happened and trying to avoid him, she hadn't acknowledged that all she ever really wants is to be with him lately.
She misses his jokes and the way he looks at her when she giggles at them. She misses his smile when they play fight on the HMS Pogue. She even misses when he dangles her over the edge of the boat as a means to end the wrestling match, making her squirm in his strong hold as he threatens to toss her overboard.
But what she misses most of all is how he never lets her fall in. It's something about the way he looks at her as he pulls her back onboard, how time itself seems to stop in the moment between when he's still holding her and when she feels her feet touch the deck again.
Then, they'll suddenly want nothing to do with each other for the next half hour.
JJ will make himself busy forgetting the way her hands felt holding onto his shoulders for dear life, burning the memory of her palm prints into his skin for the next few hours. And she'll try her hardest to forget that charming smile and the feeling of his arms around her. But it won't work, not really, and when they're both laying down to sleep at night, they'll have one thing keeping them awake.
She takes a second to internalize what he said and avoid exposing the effect it has on her to hear it before asking, "Did he tell you that?"
The sky overhead grows darker and darker by the second, but she has yet to notice it due to the topic of their conversation. With JJ involved, her attention shrinks to a tunnel leading only to him. There's no room for anything else but the audacious idea planted in the back of her mind that he might miss her as much as she misses him.
"No, he didn't," John B admits, and right when she's about to say more in response, he cuts her off, "but hear me out. I've known him since we were kids, so I can tell when things aren't right with him, and ever since your relationship with him got complicated, I picked up on some weird vibes."
Y/N doesn't give anything away with how she reacts. He can't tell if she's about to bolt like JJ did or stay to talk and open up to him. All she does is cross her arms over her chest and lean back against the railing.
"Weird in what way?"
"Weird in a way that makes me think you two have to talk it out before you ruin your friendship. I've never seen him act this way over a girl."
That doesn't surprise her. He has a reputation for chasing after any girl available to him, something the Pogues have gently teased him about, and it factors into why she doesn't want to have this dreaded conversation with him. She doesn't want to sit there and listen to him tell her that she was just another one of those girls to him.
Going for broke and being honest about what he thinks of their situation is a better strategy for trying to get her to talk to JJ than the other way around. John B can look back on what happened the morning after the party and see where they went wrong in their approach of trying to get him to talk, but she's less unpredictable and turbulent than he is. The fact that she's hearing him out is enough proof of their differences.
She sighs.
"I know we need to talk sooner or later, but it's hard, you know? I'm so embarrassed of how everything went down at the party, even though I was too fucked up to remember most of it, and I just—" There's a brief second that lapses between when she stops and when she starts again where he can almost see her working through it in her head. "I don't wanna get hurt."
John B's face falls at the mention of the party and her feelings surrounding it.
"You have nothing to be embarrassed of. You drank too much but who cares? The only person who should be embarrassed about that night is the guy that tried to take advantage of you."
That part is the most fuzzy in her mind.
She can remember what led up to it and the moment she saw JJ pull him away from her, but she can't remember anything about the interaction itself. It wasn't as if he did anything to her—not yet—but the thought of it alone makes her skin crawl because she's seen that before. She's been the JJ in that situation, pulling a wasted Touron away from someone who thought nobody would be looking out for other people at the party, and she knows how quickly those situations can escalate past "harmless" flirting.
The sound of JJ shouting at Tyler echoes in her mind as she reaches for any remaining memories left from the party. He said it right after he punched him, when he was starting to rush forward to follow him onto the ground and pin him there.
"If I see you near my girl again, you're fucking dead! You got that?"
She doesn't remember realizing that he called her that at the moment. She was confused and upset and all she wanted to do was stop him from getting himself in trouble, so she pulled him away from hitting Tyler again without realizing what he said. And even now, she tries to avoid acknowledging it. She reasons with herself, telling herself that he was pissed off and didn't mean it, because if he did, why hasn't he told her how he feels yet?
Y/N looks up and sees how dark the converging clouds have gotten in the time since they began working on prepping the house for the hurricane, so her next words are shakier than usual.
"I guess you're right." She pushes off of her spot against the railing. "But can we not talk about JJ tonight? I kind of wanna hang out and forget about the rest of the stuff I've got going on right now."
This makes him feel a pang of guilt inside of him for the ulterior motive he's kept hidden from her for the duration of the conversation, but he knows it's for the best. Even if her and JJ's inevitable conversation goes in the wrong direction and they don't end up mending fences, it's better that they let it out sooner than later. If they wait any longer, it'll make it worse, and he knows that they're stubborn enough to keep this childish game going for another week or so.
So, he keeps her in the dark for now and offers a kind, "Sure, that's cool with me," despite knowing how messy the night will soon become.
A smile pokes at the edges of her mouth, making the sides of her eyes crinkle, and she extends a hand to help him up from where he sits.
"Now," she says as they make their way inside the house for her to pack a bag, "are you ready to get absolutely crushed in Monopoly?"
It started to rain before they left her house, and by the time they pull into the driveway of the Chateau, it's pouring down on them with violent winds whipping droplets at their faces hard enough to hurt.
The rapid pace of her pulse beats with such an intensity, she can feel it in her head. They shouldn't have taken so much time at her place before heading over here. While she was packing, they talked and dilly-dallied the whole time, and now they pay the price for it.
If she knew that it would start this soon into the night, she probably would've hurried things along sooner, but it's too late. She's already starting to feel that tightness in her chest and each breath of air feels less satisfying with every inhale. It's not so bad that she loses complete control of herself, but it's getting there, and she can't express how badly she doesn't want to lose her shit in front of John B.
The passenger side door is slammed shut by the force of the wind behind her, the noise becoming swallowed up in the rest of the budding storm, and she stifles a sound of surprise that escapes her in reaction to it. They're lucky they made it here in the first place. Any later in the night and they probably would've had to take refuge at her place until it blew over.
She decides to focus on how the edges of her white sneakers are swallowed up by the muddy earth on her way through the front yard to distract herself. It stains them a deep brown color and simultaneously washes them clean from the rain coming down from above, which she'd probably be annoyed about if she weren't such a nervous wreck. But, because she's too busy keeping her backpack raised over her head to shield herself from the rain on her way up to the front door, it's not high up on her list of priorities.
Since both the screen door and the door behind it are unlocked, she doesn't hesitate to come bursting into the house as she usually does.
Y/N lets out a deep breath, feeling that telltale tension in her chest and shoulders, and laughs at the sight of John B running in as she kicks off her shoes. His t-shirt is speckled with rainwater, and his hair is saturated enough with it to stick to the sides of his face after he crosses the threshold into the Chateau.
The sound of her laughter makes JJ's heart stop from where he stands in the kitchen.
"There was an umbrella right on the dashboard, why didn't you take—"
Her heart might as well have stopped just as abruptly as the sentence she was in the middle of saying when she turned and saw him standing there.
Maybe they're both a tad too dramatic, but it takes a full few seconds for them to stop staring at each other in surprise. He looks like a deer in the headlights, eyes wide with surprise like he was caught doing something he shouldn't even though all he was doing was grabbing a beer from the fridge.
It's been two days since they last saw each other. For him, the last glimpse he got of her was when he peeked through the blinds to see her pedaling away on her bike to go to work, but hers was somewhat different.
The last time she saw him, he was asleep. Their legs were tangled together underneath the sheets and his face was smushed against her chest, allowing her to feel the soft puffs of his exhales on her skin every few seconds. It's a wonder that she managed to slip away unnoticed once she remembered she had work that morning. He was holding her closely, so closely that she found it hard to discern where she ended and he began in the dazed, hungover headspace she woke up in.
It's when the conversation she had with John B on the front steps of her house comes back to the forefront of her mind that she puts together what's happening right now. Now that they're here, it's far too late to leave. With how aggressively the wind and rain batter the area surrounding the house, it's obvious that they're not going anywhere.
It seems to click with them at the same time, because JJ turns to look at him only a half second after she does.
Y/N says, completely serious, "If you did what I think you did, I'm gonna kill you."
Before either of them can think of doing anything, John B shoots out from the doorway and runs past her in the direction of the hallway where his bedroom is.
"Gotta catch me first!"
They both chase him, JJ hopping over the back of the couch to run after him, but they end up coming to a screeching halt at the shut door right when they hear the lock turn and click.
Neither of them knows what they were planning to do when they caught him, cause it isn't like they'd hurt him, but they bang on the door nonetheless. The sound is drowned out by the sound of the wind and rain pounding the outside walls of the house, picking up speed, and for a second she wants to kick the door open.
She shouts, "John B! Open this door!"
The last thing she wanted tonight was to be trapped in a house with the one person she didn't want to see. Doesn't John B realize how embarrassing it is for her to be around him when she knows that he's gonna reject her? He may have said something about JJ never acting so weird over a girl before, but he's wrong. There's no way JJ actually wants her...right?
"I can't hear you, this storm's kinda loud!" he yells back at them through the locked door. "Maybe try again later!"
Neither of them wants to acknowledge the other. In fact, they don't even want to look at each other right now, so all they can do to stop themselves from acknowledging the elephant in the room is continue trying to get answers out of John B. What does he think that locking them together in the Chateau for the night will accomplish other than make them ignore their own drama and team up to plot their revenge on him?
Though he's significantly less angry than she is, JJ pulls the doorknob enough to make the door whine on its hinges and pleads with their friend, "This isn't funny, John B. Open the door."
"Not until you guys stop being immature and talk to each other."
She furrows her brows at him even though he can't see her, saying, "It's none of your business. You can't just trap us here cause you think you know what's best for us."
The sound of thunder rumbling above the house makes her flinch, hand shooting out to latch onto JJ's arm on an instinct she couldn't consciously resist. Feeling the warmth of his skin beneath her palm and the fingers clutched around his wrist sends shocks of familiar electricity up her body. Touching him always makes her feel hyperaware of herself, leaving her to wonder if he can sense her pulse picking up or notice how her breathing pattern turns uneven.
With that being said, it's safe to say that the night they spent together took that sensation of electricity and hyperawareness to a height it hadn't reached before.
That time, it wasn't a brush of their hands or an arm over her shoulder, it was the epitome of physical closeness. She couldn't handle it. He was so sickeningly sweet with her, yet, at the same time, he knew all of the right times to be commanding and in control too. There were awkward moments at first, sure, but once they became comfortable with each other, it was game over.
And whenever they've touched since, she hasn't been able to get those memories off of her mind. It's less prevalent now, since she's only holding onto him out of fear, but it's still there underneath it all—the unfiltered desperation of the lust in his eyes, the low noises that escaped his parted lips, and the strong pair of hands that pinned her hips down on the mattress to give him the leverage to really give it to her at the intensity she begged for.
It's pathetically easy for her to be sucked right back into the vortex of emotions, memories, and fears that haunt her whenever they touch, but he brings her back out of it just as easily when he speaks.
"You okay?"
John B was as good as forgotten by him as soon as he felt her jolt next to him and grab onto his wrist like she was hanging from a ravine and he was the only thing preventing her from falling. It makes him feel like a fool, but even when they're ignoring each other, the urge to comfort and protect her from anything that displeases her never disappears. He'd literally fistfight Zeus if it meant there'd be less thunder to scare her.
If he weren't hiding behind a locked door to avoid their wrath, JB would probably be calling him a simp right about now.
The concern on his face is so pure and unaffected by any of the chaos that surrounds them, both physical and emotional, that it makes her stomach turn with a sick feeling. God, he really does care about her. Why does that scare her? Why doesn't she want to believe that he cares? Why is she so set on believing that he wanted nothing more than a quick fuck from her?
Her eyes turn down to see their connected hands, realizing all in one moment what she did and pulling her hand away as if she were burned.
"I—Yeah," she stops, looking up at him, then back to the closed bedroom door, "I'm fine. You know how it is, it's just the storm."
They're both left with no choice but to face the music after days of avoidance that had no good reason behind it other than the respective doubts and fears they have. Yet even now that they're standing here, unsure of what comes next, they're hesitant to say or do anything that might disrupt the illusion they've created in the week and a half since they first ruined their friendship for good.
It feels as though the tension that has been boiling between them is coming close to turning explosive and all it will take is one tremor of their self-control for it to spill over.
Every feeling they have feels so contradictory. They want to but they also don't. They almost do it, then hesitate and decide to ignore each other for days. At the party, this tug of war game was at its peak for JJ when she was telling him about her jealousy and cuddling up to him, but he couldn't do it then, not when she was drunk. And by the time he had a whole night to think it over and see her biking away, he didn't want to risk it.
She looks away from him, hoping that "out of sight, out of mind" may ring true for once, and says to John B through the door, "Whatever, have fun. I won't hold JJ back when you finally come out of there though."
He won't actually do anything to him, maybe just a non-serious fight that'll end with her walking in on them rolling around on the floor trying to wrestle each other, but she likes to fuck with him anyway. For the dick move he just pulled, she thinks he can withstand a little teasing.
Without anything else to say, Y/N turns and walks off to make herself useful elsewhere—anything to distract from the buzzing, anxious energy that surrounds her from both the hurricane and being forced to confront JJ. She tries to play it cool though she is anything but at the moment, allowing herself to grimace once her back is turned to the blonde boy still standing against the wall in the hallway.
Maybe if she keeps pushing this false sense of normalcy, it'll work. It worked when they both started pretending things never happened between them initially after they had sex, so who's to say it can't work now?
All they have to do is get through the next 12-24 hours without talking and all will be well. Right?
They tried.
They truly tried to get through the night without inciting chaos within the Chateau, but, for these two idiots, not inciting chaos is a task easier said than done. Not only was John B much more stubborn with staying in his room than either of them bargained for, he didn't even attempt to speak to them for the first five hours and they were left with nothing to do but find new ways to avoid talking to each other.
It was simple in the beginning.
She went off on her own and sat with her headphones in to drown out the sounds of the storm.
With her eyes fluttered shut to block out anything but the sound of The Cure blasting into her ears, there was no reason for her to have to worry about anything once her nerves began to settle. Since the songs drowned out any sound and all she could see was darkness behind her closed eyelids, she was able to drift away with the distraction of the music.
The thing is, after a while, she started to see pieces of him in every song she skipped to. She made it a full minute into Just Like Heaven before a supercut of her most treasured memories of him began appearing in her head. Fade Into You? Skipped as soon as the first dreamy lyric flooded in through the tangled cords of the headphones. Cloud 9? Forty seconds in. By the time Dirty Little Secret came on, she decided that her playlist was mocking her.
The headphones were out of her ears, hastily wrapped up, and stowed away in the small pocket of her overnight bag before the chorus of the song could hit. Thankfully for her, JJ wasn't looking when she ripped the headphones out and put them away in a huff, so by the time he turned to see her again, she was laying down on the couch to "nap"—meaning she laid awake for another hour and cursed John B for making her endure this.
While she was daydreaming of a John B voodoo doll, JJ was worried about her.
Yes, the topic of their relationship/friendship/situationship/whatever-the-fuck-it-is was bombarding him against his will every five seconds, but not without him coming back to his concern for her. A small sound of thunder on an otherwise perfect day was enough to make her zone out and start getting antsy that day on the boat, so he didn't want to know how bad it could get during a time like this.
He tried to play it cool, and, in all honesty, his remaining scraps of sanity lasted a lot longer than hers. Four and a half hours passed, then, as the storm began to do its worst on their town, the power flickered out and left them in complete darkness. At that point, John B was passed out in his bedroom, so he didn't care nor notice when they had to find a few candles and stumble through the dark.
Somewhere along the way, having to search through the dark house for candles to light and place around the living room led them here...he isn't quite sure how.
JJ can hardly open his eyes enough to see through the rain that pounds against him the second he runs after her through the back door. The wind is so aggressive and unrelenting, it almost sends him stumbling a few steps when he follows her blurry figure a few paces behind where she tries to flee the house in a panic.
"Get back inside!" he shouts as he picks up his speed to catch up, "Y/N!"
The part of him that isn't focused on the pure physicality of trying to see and move through the stormy weather is utterly overwhelmed with fear. Not for himself but for her. She's deathly afraid of mild storms, let alone hurricanes, and yet she ran through the back door when he tried comforting her through an anxiety attack. One would think that she wouldn't want to go directly into the thing she fears the most, but what sent her running for the hills wasn't the panic itself, it was him.
It's hard for her to think rationally in this state, but all she knows is that he was there, he was saying all the right things and holding her, and she couldn't do it. The fear began to blend to one centered around both him and the storm. The hours of useless distractions and ruminating in her thoughts built up to this point of contention, then it snapped.
Between the thunder, his voice, and the voice in the back of her head that was urging her to confess her feelings and do as John B advised them to, it became too much. Maybe it was the most idiotic split-second decision she made without any regard for logic or reason or her safety, but she bailed. For the third time, she couldn't handle the pressure and ran from him.
The only difference is that he couldn't let her leave this time.
He gasps for air against the streams of water flowing down his face, soaking his hair and making it hang in his eyes to obstruct his view more than the weather already has. It happened so fast, neither of them are wearing shoes. His feet sink into the muddy yard with every stride he takes in his frantic pursuit of her and it frustrates him no end because of how it slows him down.
There's endless dangerous possibilities with her being out here. She could be knocked over into the marsh by the wind, or stuck and hurt by a piece of debris—merely thinking about it makes him call out her name louder in the hopes that it'll wake her from her panicked trance.
After trudging through the mud all the way to the edge of the yard, he finally manages to get to her.
"What are you doing?" JJ shouts, turning her around and grabbing onto both of her arms as if one gust of wind would sweep her away if he didn't, "You're gonna get hurt!"
Stumbling backwards in the direction of the screened-in porch that surrounds the back door, he uses their difference in strength to tug her away in the direction she came out in. The rain makes it difficult to keep a firm grasp on her, and she almost slips away a couple of times when the wind picks up enough to make him too unsteady to hold on.
His arms slip around her waist for a better grasp on her the closer they come to reaching the house. The last thing he wants is to almost get her back inside and lose her at the last second. She isn't thinking rationally right now with the panic she feels taking full control of her responses. He knows firsthand how it feels to be thrown headfirst into a panic attack, he's been in her shoes before and knows better than anyone the lengths your irrational mind will go to if it means survival. And for whatever reason, her response is flight, not fight.
The door to the screen porch takes all of his effort to open against the power of the wind blowing it back against the house.
He grits his teeth as he forces it open, one arm secured around her midsection, and helps her in before he slips inside too. The second he lets go of the door, it's sent slamming back into place and rattling in the frame behind them, but he doesn't spend anymore time on it other than the few seconds it takes to lock it. As soon as it clicks with him that they're safe—most importantly, that she's safe—he whips around to face her with a cold rage flowing through his veins.
"What the fuck?"
She stands in front of him with water pouring off of her in rapid drops onto the rug, and there are no thoughts in her head outside of the ones telling her to leave. Her tears blend in with the droplets of rain so seamlessly that he wouldn't know she's crying if not for the sound of it.
In between her rapid breaths and sobs, she yells back at him, "I was scared, okay?"
"Why'd you run out into the storm if you—"
"I wasn't afraid of the storm, I was afraid of you!"
The silence that follows is louder than anything they've experienced. Nothing can rival it, not the thunder, the rain, or anything can drown it out while he stares at her in shock. His eyes are wide, lips slightly parted as he reaches for something, anything, he can say in response to that, but there's nothing. For once, he is absolutely speechless.
Things got awkward between them in the initial aftermath of last week, but not like this. There was never an instance where he felt like there was nothing left for him to say to her to fill the uncomfortable silence that always brought forth memories of them together until now. Until she said the last thing he wanted or expected to hear.
His anger subsides as he picks over what he did in his head for anything that could've made her feel unsafe.
Before it evolved into him chasing after her through the hurricane, he noticed how terrible it had gotten for her when he lit the first candle. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and her chest began to rise and fall faster with each second that passed. He could see it on her face that things were getting worse, but, now that he thinks of it, it got worse once he reached out to put his hand on her shoulder.
It felt like a dream sequence in his head, so hazy and faraway now that it's over, and he was so stunned by what she was doing, he didn't run after her until a few seconds later. There was a delay in which he stood there in surprise and tried to process what the hell just happened to no avail. Though it wasn't very long, he remembers it feeling like eternity tucked into the cramped space of four seconds.
JJ's voice is softer than she's ever heard it, asking into the void of the near-darkness that encloses them, "What'd I do?" And it breaks her heart in half to hear him sound so concerned, so terrified of the idea that he did something to hurt her when all he did was try to help. "I never meant to scare you, I swear. I know how bad it can get sometimes, and I know we haven't been talking but I'd never try to hurt you if that's what you thought..."
His thoughts run rampant with the possibilities of what she was thinking at the time, and he realizes that he can't stand the idea of her thinking anything badly of him. He never cares about what people think, but, fuck, he loathes the idea of her having any ill feelings toward him.
Y/N immediately starts shaking her head, her face scrunching with the emotion and incessant tears.
"I know you'd never hurt me. I was scared because..." she stops herself mid sentence, catching it right when she was about to admit the one thing she promised herself she wouldn't.
But the need to say it doesn't go away this time. Usually, once she catches herself she comes to her senses and realizes how foolish it would've been to confess, but this time is different. This time, the urge to speak her mind and tell him everything sticks around. The words left unsaid creep up her throat, thrashing and begging to let out after months of being pushed aside.
The look in her eyes is strangely reminiscent of the way she looked at him the night they hooked up, almost yearning in its nature, and he couldn't be more confused. She's scared of him, but she's looking at him like she did when she was two seconds away from jumping his bones. And if he didn't do anything wrong, why was she afraid enough to face her worst fear in order to avoid him?
"Because what?" he asks.
That frustration from when they first stepped into the porch hasn't vanished, it only took a backseat once she said she was afraid of him, not the storm, and he can feel it stirring up again. He's tired of not having answers. He's tired of mixed signals and loneliness and unrequited love. Most of all, he's tired of her running away all the time. At this point, he questions whether or not it's worth it to expose his feelings to her and suffer the consequences.
John B was right. This isn't healthy for them, nor is it healthy for them to put their friends through this along with them, and it might be better to not be friends than to stay this way forever. At least that way they wouldn't be wishing for answers that would never come for the rest of their time together.
She decides at this moment that this has to be said before it gets worse, before she runs away again like a scared, immature child and ruins everything.
"Because," she has to shout over the lightning that cracks down on the earth down the street, something she would be trembling in fear over if she weren't so focused on him, "I've been in love with you for a couple months and it scares me more than anything, even this stupid fucking storm! And I've tried so hard to ignore it because I know you don't feel the same way, but you touched me and I just"—a soft cry escapes her—"I couldn't do it anymore."
There it is.
After months of ruminating over it and hiding everything, he knows, and her immediate feeling after she says it isn't what she thought it would be. She expected trepidation and regret, but what she finds on the other side isn't either of those, it's relief. Her dad often tells her when she's nervous about something that the anticipation is worse than the thing itself, and that has never been as true her as it is now.
However, some of the nerves return with the time that passes after she spoke in complete silence. Much like the delayed reaction he had to her running out of the house, it isn't as long as it feels to her. It's a short span of time that it takes for her words to process with him, but it feels like an eternity that he stands there with his head facing the floor in quiet contemplation.
Her heart sinks.
This means he doesn't feel the same way, doesn't it? If he were the one telling her he loved her, she likely would've leaped into his arms and said it back, but he stays where he is.
Then, after what feels like forever, she thinks she sees him start to smile and feels like she's losing her mind. It's quite dark out here, so there's only a limited amount of light to allow her to see his features, but there's no doubting it when a flash of lightning floods the porch with a split-second of harsh light.
Oh God, why is he smiling? What does it mean?
Much to her frustration, the first thing he says after her confession isn't much help in making her understand his feelings either.
"Why didn't you just talk to me?"
Why? The voice in the back of her mind asks incredulously. Is he seriously asking why? He ignored me too. He didn't want to talk about it either, so what else was I supposed to do?
Maybe she was undeniably worse when it came to the avoidance and lack of communication, but he could've reached out to her too. They both could've. Instead, they spent day after day waiting for the other to make the move and pushed the tension further and further until it finally broke. Now she's waiting for him to hurry up and reject her so she can move on with her life.
She shivers from the wind blowing at her wet skin through the screens separating them from the outside world, crossing her arms over her body to hug herself. His eyes follow her movements down to the breaths that are slowly evening out without her realizing it. It turns out that confessing your love for the guy you've been crushing on since the day you met him is a hell of a distraction.
"I thought you wouldn't wanna hear me being all emotional and shit over a one time thing. You've literally never had an actual relationship before. And that's fine," she rambles, "I'll be okay eventually, but that's not who you are and there isn't a problem with that. I just caught feelings when I shouldn't have."
In her defense, she isn't making baseless assumptions about him, he hasn't had a relationship before. His love life hasn't ever really revolved around love itself, it was mostly comprised of random chicks he'd meet at parties or at the beach during the summertime when tourists come to visit the island. Out of all of them, he's the last one the Pogues would expect to fall in love with someone and commit to a relationship, but then...
He looks over at her with a swell of emotion within him that he's never felt before. It wasn't like he hadn't known before now. He did. He even said it out loud to himself that morning after the party, but this is when it feels the most real. Now that she's said it to him, he doesn't feel so stupid for toying with the four letter word in the back of his mind for the entirety of the past week.
In all honesty, he was the last person he would've expected to fall in love with someone this quickly too. He thought he knew himself better than this. He thought he could keep himself hidden away and not let anyone close enough to see him—the real him, faults and feelings and vulnerability included—but she proved him wrong. In walked Y/N with her pretty smile, teeny bikini bottoms, and oddly strong opinions on Ratatouille, and he stood no chance.
This sudden crescendo of emotion only continues to grow when he watches her shiver, soaked to the skin, across from him and decides that he never wants to deny himself of her again. Those feelings of inadequacy that forced him to question his relationship with her may not have gone away, not by a long shot, but they can't stop him anymore. Nothing can.
Like a light flickering to life in this swirling, stormy darkness, she hears JJ's voice asking her, "What if it is who I am?"
It was said so softly, she nearly lost it beneath the rain and wind. But it was not said with a lack of certainty, which is why she questions if she heard him correctly. He sounded so sure of himself that it feels too good to be true. After his reaction, or lack thereof, to her telling him she loved him, she accepted what was coming and this was not it.
"What?"
He doesn't miss a beat.
"You heard me." There's a pause. "Maybe I needed to meet the right girl."
There is no way he's saying what she thinks he's saying because if he is...if he is then that means the tears and frustration have all been for nothing because he loves her back. But if he loves her, then what was with the kook girl? Was it to make her jealous, or is she misinterpreting him right now and he was flirting with that girl because he doesn't have real feelings for her?
"JJ..." she trails off, looking down and thinking to herself how thankful she is that it's too dark for him to fully see how nervous he made her, "don't do that."
Partly, he should feel offended that she'd think he'd toy with her feelings like that, but he isn't. He's too busy wondering what on earth made this poor girl so insecure to think that someone has to be joking to confess their love to her. It makes him wonder if anyone wronged her before she moved here, and he feels that switch of impulsive anger inside of him flip at the thought.
But that anger has nowhere to go, so it shifts into something different—a need to spend every waking moment of the rest of their time together proving to her that she doesn't have to be so afraid. Does it make him a hypocrite? Probably. It wasn't too long ago that he was telling the Pogues how much he didn't deserve to be with her, but he doesn't see himself the same way he sees her. In his head, he has reasons to believe he doesn't deserve her love, but how could she ever think that herself?
He steps closer to her, the movement something so natural and unconscious to him that he doesn't recognize he does it until he hears her breath hitch in the back of her throat. They were already close enough to reach out and touch each other if they wanted to, yet now it's the kind of closeness that wipes the slate of her mind clean with nothing else but the thought of him there to stay.
He starts to say, "I'm not fucking with you, dude, I'm being serious—"
"Then prove it."
Oh.
The sound of his unfinished sentence lingers on the tip of his tongue as he blinks away his surprise at what she said, though it was less of a statement and more of a challenge. What the challenge is, he isn't too sure, but he thinks there could be a couple of meanings there.
The fire in her eyes when she looked up at him is one he recognizes very well, it stars in one too many of his daydreams that center around their secret night together. She rose to the occasion without fail and matched his chaos every time, and that steely-eyed stare is reminiscent of it.
Yet, the sexual undertone isn't the only part of it to be discovered. There's a clear meaning there for him to actually prove it, to put his money where his mouth is, grow a pair, and tell her how he feels with no room for confusion. No more miscommunication, running away, or insecurity getting between them, just a clear cut confession like hers.
His hand runs through his hair to sweep it out of his eyes and keep the wet strands from dripping down his face. It helps him see her a little better too, grounding him to the moment and calming him at the dimmed sight of her expectant, wide eyed gaze.
There were a million versions of this whenever he let himself imagine admitting it. He only let himself picture it on the worst days, days like the one two days ago when he went home to his dad, ending the night by cleaning his own cuts and inspecting his own bruises in his locked bedroom. He did it to distract himself from wanting to storm out of the room and finally kill the son of a bitch after years of suffering in silence.
JJ closed his eyes, shaking with anger, and dreamed of how he'd tell her. There were versions with long speeches that were far too sappy to exist outside of the realm of his imagination. There were versions with him burying the words between friendly jokes to play down the extent of his feelings too, but he thought it worked best in its simplest form.
So he puts it as simply as it gets, lips fighting a soft smile as he crosses the space between them and rushes in to kiss her. It's charged with an accumulation of the pent up love, anger, and sexual desire that has been repressed until now, resulting in something utterly explosive.
He stops for a second to whisper, "I love you too," into her parted lips, and she finally lets herself go at the sound of those words.
Forget that they've only known each other for five months, when you know you know. This is the real deal. This is the kind of feeling that possesses every accessible inch of her heart and she'd never be open enough to admit that to anyone but him at the moment, but neither of them minds that. It's such a new, rapidly developing feeling that they want to protect it and keep it close to them for the time being.
His arms twine around her waist, tugging her the last bit forward and leaving no space between their bodies this time. The sudden movement draws a sharp gasp from the back of her throat and sends her hands out to brace themselves on his shoulders. The sound of the gasp that disappears into their connected mouths only fuels him on more. It makes him more eager with how he touches her with his hands drifting down the plane of her back, one of which playfully slipping beneath the hem of her soaked shirt in a way that makes her smile into the kiss.
He knows exactly what he does to her. He can sense it in the small reactions that would often go overlooked if it were someone less familiar with her.
It's easy to tell by the way she completely surrenders herself to him, letting out these soft little noises she doesn't even realize she's making when he takes control of the interaction and kisses her like he's starved for it. In a way, he is starving for affection and attention from her. He never knew it was something he needed so badly until he got it, and now he never wants to go without having her again.
That's why it doesn't surprise him when she starts getting antsy after a moment or two, especially after keeping away from him for days.
Her hands run down the length of his chest over the soaked t-shirt, taking a quiet victory in how his stomach flinches inward in response to her exploring touch, and she could swear his next exhale trembles as she continues lower. Never once does she break the kiss, which, by the way, has gone past the point of being passionate and straight to downright needy, but her concentration does falter. The perfectly paced rhythm of her mouth moving with his is interrupted when she touches him over the fabric of his shorts.
Those plushy soft lips go on an exploration of their own too. Leaving him with the first opportunity to catch his breath in minutes, she dips her head beneath the sharp edge of jaw in pursuit of the sweet spot she remembers reducing him to a grabby, moaning mess the last time they did this. It doesn't take her long, not if the tightening of his arms around her and the satisfied hum of a moan she feels vibrate beneath her mouth has anything to say for it.
He loses himself in it for a second or two...okay, fine, maybe ten.
The separate sensations combined spark a flame inside of him that burns so hopelessly for whatever she'll give him. His mind sends him images of them together, both real memories from their first time together and imagined fantasies he only let himself visit in his dreams, and he realizes how thinly spread his self control has become lately.
First, it's the thought of her from last week, thoughts of her gasping, writhing, and begging beneath him that makes his cock throb under the teasing contact of her hand through his shorts. But then he's brought elsewhere. Then, though he hasn't thought of it since the day after the party, he thinks of the mix of jealousy and anger he felt when he saw Tyler with her.
He remembers being sane one moment and charging across the room like a madman the next. He remembers how it felt to watch another person's hands slip under her dress, how it felt to see someone else try to kiss her the way he had, and this raw wound of a memory is all it takes to spur him into action.
It happens so quickly, she doesn't even notice what's happening until he has her scooped up in his arms with her legs around his waist. She doesn't even have the chance to voice her surprise or crack a joke at the expense of his neediness before he reconnects their paused kiss with enough force to make her teeth ache in the collision.
JJ's rings are colder than ice, digging into the flesh of her thighs as he holds them with a tight grip and blindly takes the few steps necessary to reach the back entrance of the house. His wet handprint smudges on one of the cracked-open glass doors and sends droplets of water dribbling down the surface. The teardrop of rain zig-zags at the swinging motion of the door on their way in, only changing course again when he nudges it shut behind him a little too loudly.
"Wh"—her question is cut off by him laying her down on the rug-covered floor in between the couch and coffee table—"What if John B wakes up?"
His first thought was to bring her into the spare bedroom, but then he realized that it shares a wall with John B. Then, he considered the pull out couch but realized that would be louder than the room adjacent to their friend's. His only conclusion was this.
It isn't nearly as romantic as either of them would've pictured, but they're not exactly picky either. They're so desperate for it, they'd likely do it on the porch in the middle of a hurricane if there weren't another option. And in their own weird way, they make it romantic.
There's no one else she'd rather risk rug burn for, and that is the peak of romance.
"John B sleeps like a fuckin' rock," JJ says, "and it's own his fault for trapping us here anyway."
He follows her down onto the floor without a second thought, not even looking up to see if they woke their friend with the sound of the door shutting behind them.
Hovered above her, he looks particularly captivating in the flickering candlelight. The fire burning in one of the three-wick candles they scoured the bathroom cabinets for brings out the warm hues in his blonde hair and highlights every edge of the angular face that looks down at her. The porch was far too dark for her to see him in all of his near-perfection, but this is enough for her to notice a multitude of things.
His slicked back, wet hair allows her to see his features better and the way he looks at her...it's enough to make anyone feel red in the face. How hadn't she see it before? She knows it was denial, but, somehow, she used to overlook the small hints along the way like how he looks at her like she's the only thing that makes sense to him. For the first time in a while, she allows herself to embrace the idea of being loved without looking for something to justify her fears surrounding it.
The sound of her voice brings him out of the mesmerized trance he fell under at the sight of her.
"I've missed you," she says softly, "like a lot."
The sweet admission slows him down for a second, making him stop to ignore the distracting desire that she sparked to life a moment ago and take the time to cherish this moment of rare serenity with her.
It's a wonder that she hasn't even acknowledged the storm raging on outside since they've come back in. It's all thanks to him, of course, since she's been too focused on everything happening between them, but it surprises him. It makes a sense of pride flare up in him on her behalf for being capable of forgetting something she fears so much.
But, on the other hand, it reminds him of how distraught she was right before their conversation/argument on the porch shifted from her panic to the topic of their relationship, and he can't help but hesitate a little.
"I missed you too." The hand he isn't using to support himself above her cups her face, his thumb tracing the line of her cheekbone. "Are you okay though? You were just crying and I don't wanna make you—"
"Yes."
It was so said so quickly, there was zero hesitation. It's not that it doesn't surprise him that she's as eager as he is after what started to happen out on the porch, but it does make his eyes widen a little. His mouth curls with a slight grin. It's the kind that never fails to make her stomach fluttering and light with butterflies.
"You don't have to worry about me. I'm okay, and I promise I'll let you know if I'm not," Y/N clarifies.
"Okay."
There's a short moment where all they do is look at each other with a complete loss for words to convey what they feel right now. It isn't as awkward as it would've been prior to tonight. Before they confessed their feelings, they wouldn't have been able to look at one another for any longer than a few seconds without needing to walk away to break the tension. Now, things have changed. They don't feel the need to conceal how much they care anymore.
They're still the same bickering duo they've always been with the added fun of being head over heels. She never used to understand how some people could let their feelings for another person drive them crazy, but it's done more than make her crazy this past week. It made her jealous, obsessive, and somehow happy too, and no one has ever made her feel so many varying emotions in her life.
Her fingertips graze the stretch of skin between where his cargo shorts sit on his hips and his shirt rides up the side of his torso, and he swallows thickly at the feeling.
"Do I make you nervous?" she asks.
Her lilting, smooth voice is enough to soothe any nerves he could possibly have. It's as if hearing her ask that paired with the hand teasing the waistband of his shorts pulled him back to the place he'd been before when she was teasing him over his clothes.
He answers honestly, his head going fuzzy with the crushing desire that courses through him, "Not as nervous as I make you," and closes the space between them again.
The cheeky comment doesn't go unnoticed by her, not one bit. It makes her face heat up in embarrassment that is purely instinct after having to hide her feelings from her for so long. Maybe after they've been together for longer, it won't make her blush every time he acknowledges the effect he has on her out loud, but that day isn't today. Today, she goes hot in the face from a sole second of his attention, let alone this.
JJ lets his hand climb up the length of her torso as they kiss as if they have all the time in the world, as if their best friend isn't sleeping less than twenty feet away from them, until it flattens at the base of her neck. It doesn't curl around her neck and squeeze, nor does it do anything but remind her how much she loves the feeling of him touching her, the large palm of his hand simply stays draped over her throat to flaunt his ability to sway her nerves.
She's pretty sure if it were anyone else, it wouldn't work, but he's JJ for fuck's sake, and the quiet display of dominance sends an exhilarating little thrill rumbling through her. It isn't anything over the top or exaggerated like some people would do in an attempt to stake a claim over the person they love, just a simple gesture that they both know the meaning of.
She's his. After five months of friendship, two months of silent pining, and a week of sexually confused hell, she's his, and he'll never let her forget it.
The wind rattles the windows over the couch with its force and she notices that his hips grind into hers at the sudden sound. Even in the midst of such a heated moment, it's downright cute how he still makes an effort to distract her from what she fears. And, boy, does it work.
Their panting breaths in the brief seconds they allow themselves to break away from each other are the only sounds audible in the small living room. The storm drowns it all out for now, including the noises that start to leave them from the steadily building pleasure of their bodies moving together.
She can feel how hard he is through the layers that separate them with every absentminded thrust that brushes the fabric of her panties up against her clit each time. It leaves her breathless and wondering, despite already knowing, what it'll feel like when he finally slips inside of her again.
They both fantasized about it in the time they spent apart. Neither of them would dare deny it, least of all JJ. It actually became frustrating after a while because she started to become the only scenario he could conjure to get himself off when he had a rare moment of privacy. His fantasies, all stemming from the night that was so perfect, he began to question the reality of it, linger in his head.
The best part of his fantasies were the parts of them based in truth, and if he knows anything about her when she's in this state, it's that she's needy. Her tongue swipes along his bottom lip in a silent urging to let her deepen the kiss, and he complies without a second to spare, willing to entertain her every whim so long as she keeps being so good for him.
He revels in her muffled squeak of a moan when he presses down on the sides of her throat at the precise moment his hips grind down to meet hers. She can't keep herself still for any longer than a half-second, always meeting his movements halfway and unknowingly doing another thing that will be the death of him.
She leads his shirt up his body without having to second guess herself, knowing that he's always on the same wavelength as her no matter what. This was how it was the last time too. Anything she did, he was already one step ahead, and tonight isn't much different. By the time her hands ball up the dripping cotton fabric, JJ is lifting the hand off of her neck to reach for the neckline of the shirt and help tug it off.
There's a sense of urgency in everything they do. Charged up with frustration and jealousy that brewed within the days they spent apart, there's nothing to stop them from reducing themselves to a pair of panting, impatient lovers too consumed in each other to care about the outside world.
The sopping wet fabric is thrown beyond her line of sight and lands on the hardwood floor with a 'thwack' that accompanies their cacophony of moans and gasps, and she whimpers at the sight of him. It may have to do with the fact that he's guiding their bodies together at a cadence and pressure perfect enough to make her legs tremble, but seeing him like this does nothing but aid the sensation.
Golden skin glistening under the candlelight, tendrils of half-dry blonde hair falling into his face with the lazy effort of his movements, and a stray raindrop that squeezed from the wet shirt dripping down his chest...she's not gonna make it out of tonight alive, is she? In her memory, she knew he was a sight to see in the midst of a heated moment, but, fuck, memories do not hold up beside the real experience of it.
Y/N is so caught up in his seemingly endless beauty, she doesn't notice him peeling her damp denim shorts off of her hips until they're halfway down her legs, and the only reason she does notice is because he must shift his position to do it. Suddenly, the budding feeling that stirred from their needy antics is plucked away and left to ache for more in the absence of him between her thighs.
Her middle and index fingers hook around the front of his necklace to pull him back down to her, but he doesn't budge at first. He's too busy trying to rid her of her shirt to care.
It was too much of a distraction while they kissed for him to resist slipping it off of her when he got the chance to. Much to his frustration when he first realized they were trapped with each other, she's braless underneath, and it's only worse now that the t-shirt is soaked to her skin and clinging to every delicate curve.
Once the clothing gives way to the canvas of her bare skin, he submits to her urgency and follows her down by the fingers hooked around his necklace without any qualms.
As soon as they resume, it's as if they never stopped to begin with, and they start to realize how seamlessly they fit together as the seconds elapse. Neither of them are actively thinking about it while he dips his hand into the front of her panties, but it is in their subconscious.
It's a revelation of sorts, an ah-ha moment where it hits them both in a sweeping realization that it was obvious from the day they met. They should've known sooner, they should've dropped their pride and admitted it as soon as the first inklings of desire began to pop up, but they didn't. Instead, it washes over them now and they let the current take them away together.
Her mouth falls open against his cheek at the feeling of his fingers swiping through the arousal that pools in her underwear for him, dragging the wetness over his fingertips and spreading it up to brush fleetingly against her clit. It's a split-second of a touch that it makes her hips lift up off the floor on their own accord to seek out more. It makes her dig her nails into the skin stretching over his taut shoulder muscles in a wordless plea for more that he doesn't indulge her in at first.
He makes her earn it from him without having to say a single word. He touches her, but he doesn't touch where she wants or ease his fingers into her to satisfy the need she feels yet. It's a blessing and a curse that he manages to turn her on to such an extent. He does it for her like nothing else can, so much so that she's noticed a distinct difference in how it feels when she's alone versus when they're together. When she's alone, it can tend to feel like active effort, but when she's with him, it's as natural as the urge to breathe.
His smirk is felt against her skin the entire time she begs for it through the revealing actions of her body—her hips jerking up toward him, her chest pressing tightly to his, and the sound of her murmuring, "Please," in a breathy tone that could stop his heart.
"Tell me what you want," JJ says, every word constrained and tight in a way that tells her he's a lot less composed than he lets on, and "accidentally" swipes his thumb over her clit again. "Talk to me, baby."
She almost forgot in their time apart how much of an effect he has on her, but this is the best reminder of that she could possibly imagine. If she could, she would find a way to bottle the feeling he gives her and keep it with her forever so that, no matter what happens between them, she'll never have the misfortune of forgetting him.
What he said simultaneously melts her heart and frustrates her to no end because he knows! He knows damn well what she wants from him and won't give it to her unless she asks for it, and she hates herself for loving it. She hates herself for enjoying the flushed-face embarrassment it brings to her cheeks to be so open with him about what she needs.
She swallows the lump in her throat and tries to focus through the clouded landscape of her head to speak to him. It's hard to concentrate when he's above her like this, touching her, calling her pet names, and looking at her like that.
With his lips worshiping the sensitive skin along her neck, she finds it hard to choke out the words, "I want you," into the humid air that has infiltrated the house.
It's not a lie. Anything regarding her wanting him or any related feeling is no longer something she can hide anymore, but they both know it isn't exactly what he wanted. No matter how it took his breath away to hear her say it, he was seeking something more specific. He was aiming to make her ask, maybe even beg, for it. They're both too impatient to wait and based on how wet his fingertips are from barely dipping into her, he can tell she's as eager as he is.
It's been thirteen days too long since the last time they allowed themselves to meet this way, and neither of them wants to let it happen again.
She was nearly trembling with the urge to go to him whenever they were together in the company of their friends, unable to think about anything except for how badly she wanted him. All the while, he appeared so unbothered, especially on the night of the party when he flirted with someone else, that she didn't even believe he felt the same way back. Thankfully for her, she couldn't have been more wrong.
He clicks his tongue and says, still teasing her with light touches that never linger in one place for too long, "That wasn't very specific."
Part of her should know that he's about to do something based on how he withdraws his head from its cherished place in the crook of her neck, but she's too caught up in the anticipation and seeing his face for the first time in a minute to think about it. How dare he look so good? She could cry in frustration, although she might actually already be tearing up a little with the rush of neediness hitting her in its full force.
Never has she felt so turned on by so little physical contact before. It usually takes longer for her to get to this point, whether it be alone or in the past with previous partners, yet all it took was being kissed, touched, and being given his undivided attention and now...She realizes she's in trouble. He has her in an emotional and sexual chokehold at this point, and she fears that no one can compare.
"I want—" her voice is snuffed out in an instant when he eases two fingers into her, "Oh!"
So that's why he pulled away from her neck to look at her.
It was worth abandoning the mark forming on her neck just to see the expression on her face shift. She gets this cute look when anything overwhelming starts to happen where her brows scrunch a little to create a soft wrinkle between them as her mouth drops open in a moan. And after ten steady minutes of doing nothing but some over the clothes action and painstaking teasing, this is as overwhelming as it gets without it crossing the line to being too much.
It never occurred to her how much larger his fingers are compared to hers until now. This type of pleasure is like an itch only someone else can scratch to her, she feels virtually nothing when she does it to herself, but when he does it, it's like an explosive being set off inside of her. Especially with the thumb that sneaks up to circle her clit without stopping to tease her again, she is putty in his hands at this point.
Every smooth stroke of his fingers into her reaches a spot she can never quite find on her own, and she can feel the cold bite of rings when they're buried into her to the knuckle.
It's a surprise every time, even when she knows to expect it. Like a delightful chill running up through her body and down her spine exactly how it's intended to. It strikes an idea in her head for when he eventually pulls them out of her, conjuring the image of her sucking them clean for him just for the sake of imagining what it'll do to him.
With that idea tucked away in the back of her mind, he's the center of her world right now. All she breathes, thinks, and feels is him. Whether it be the sight of him, or the feelings he's giving her, or even the taste of his kiss that still lingers on her tongue, it connects to one common thread.
"What were you saying?" JJ asks, and she wants to wipe that smirk right off his face.
It's virtually impossible for her to piece together a coherent thought, let alone a sentence detailing every filthy idea she has for him, but she tries. It takes another moment or two of her succumbing to the rapid incline of pleasure that he gives her, watching her in wonder through any greedy buck of her hips or gasping inhale that makes her head loll back onto the floor.
At first, what she wanted to say was that she wanted him to touch her, to do anything more than the fleeting touches he gave before. Now, she wants more than that. Now that she's drawn in closer to the eventual high that's to come, she doesn't want it to happen like this. She wants to feel closer to him than this, wants to feel him throb inside of her and fuck her with all of the urgency and desperation that has accumulated in their time apart.
That's why her hands start to grab at the belt loops of his shorts to tug him closer by them, meeting his gaze through the hazy bliss of his fingers pumping into her. It's not enough.
"Please"—she keeps pulling him closer to her, so close that there's hardly any space left to cross, and he revels in her desperation—"just fuck me already..."
Internally, JJ is losing his shit.
Though this was what he wanted, what he coaxed out of her with the teasing and the pretend sense of a nonchalant attitude on his part, it hits him harder than he expected it to to hear her say it. It's not necessarily the act of begging itself either, it's the fact that she's the one doing it. She may have been jealous of the girl at the party, but she had nothing to worry about. Not in the slightest.
Before her, he never thought he'd fall for someone this way. It's not like he had a hatred for love or anything, he understood the appeal, it simply wasn't his thing.
He was perfectly content with his only form of companionship being his friends. Then, she came along and changed it. So to hear her say something like that isn't just breathtaking, it's the kind of thing that makes his heart ache for her. It hits him precisely where she wanted it to, and he has never felt as consumed with love the way he does now.
JJ can do nothing to stop himself from pouncing on her at this point, like some animalistic form of himself has worn down the restraint he used to keep himself at bay.
The loss she feels when his fingers slip away from her is an emptiness she mourns at first before she realizes what's happening. He pulls away slightly to reach down between them for the front of his shorts, and their hands clash as they both frantically try to undo them together. The rings adorning his fingers glisten when they catch the light and remind her of the thought that popped into her head when she first felt their coldness against her skin.
That idea paired with the promise of what they're trying to accomplish in their uncoordinated attempt to get the rest of their clothes off makes her want to press her thighs together. Her hands abandon the task of undoing his shorts for the sake of ridding herself of the last layer that separates her from him.
Her most embarrassing old pair of brightly colored panties, courtesy of past Y/N's questionable decision to trust her mom to buy some on her behalf, are hardly a sight to behold. They're the kind that come in a value pack from Walmart, vibrant blue with the word, "Tuesday," printed on the front of them, and she could hide her face into the rug in shame if she weren't so determined to get them off. Of all the days to wear the day of the week undies her mom accidentally got her, of course she chose today.
By the time she reaches for the waistband, he has pushed his shorts and underwear down his thighs and comes back to her with just as much excitement as he left with, but when he helps her tug her panties down her legs, he laughs. Apparently, he had also been too eager to touch her to notice what was written on them before.
"Cute," he breathes out through a laugh, then adds as the cotton fabric slips over her knees, "Pretty sure it's not Tuesday though."
"If you tell anyone, I swear I'll—"
He cuts her off, "Whatever you wanna threaten me with won't work, chances are I'm gonna be into it."
Her eyes are alight with a certain fire he's had yet to fully lure out of her. Even her voice is slightly more airy and seductive as a result of it.
"Promise?"
JJ grins down at her as he finally tosses her panties aside with the rest of their clothes, "Cross my heart, pretty girl."
His hands grip her thighs and tug her down the rug to him with a quick jolt that snaps them out of the playful nature of their back and forth teasing. No matter how lighthearted of an interruption it was, the mini-conversation might as well have never existed for how easily they fall back into it again.
She watches with her forehead pressed against his as he strokes himself a few times, then drags his tip, messy with precome, through her wet heat. And though she watches it happen, her body still arches into his when he lines up with her and sinks his hips forward.
She anticipated it, but she still gasps and digs her nails into his biceps at the sensation of him pushing into her. Neither of them bothers to worry about the obvious lack of a condom—it was discussed the first time around when he offered and she told him it was okay. He's often the one to silence the alarm on her phone warning her in its title to, "Take your birth control or else, bitch," while she searches her bag for it anyway, so he trusts her.
Both of them prefer it this way enough to risk the minuscule failure rate of the pill anyway. It's more intimate, closer, and they can both feel the warmth of each other in a way that would've been somewhat muted with an added layer between them. It makes the feeling of him entering her all the more gratifying as she tenses up around him in reaction, drawing a groan from where his parted lips brush against hers.
She lifts her head off of the floor as much as she can to capture his mouth with her own and stifle the sonorous sound despite the storm doing a better job of it.
It seems that every blast of wind and roll of thunder is in their favor tonight, so much so that he isn't even worried about getting walked in on. It's not a thought in his head at this point, the only thought he's capable of having is this. Forgive him for being shortsighted, but he doesn't give a shit if John B notices or hears what's happening when he's buried inside of her so deeply.
His hips are flush with the backs of her thighs in a matter of seconds, and right when he pauses to give her a breather, he feels her shake her head ever so slightly against where their faces are pressed together.
The touch of her hands on his hips is not timid by any means, it's commanding. Her palm prints singe an indelible claim into the surface of his skin as she guides him to start moving without a second spared to dwindle the discomfort of him filling her up. It's less like a pain and more of a pressure blooming from the insistent presence of him, not so overwhelming that it's painful, but it's an effort to breathe evenly and the only thing that'll ease this transitional moment is to continue.
At first, their bodies start to rock together lazily as though on autopilot. They'd hardly be conscious of the fact that they're doing anything if not for the initial sensations of heady ecstasy that flash like the sparks of a lighter in response to their movements. As soon as he felt her hands coax him into action, he sighed happily and surrendered himself to the instinct of wanting to move.
The merging of their bodies is less of the aggressive rutting motions they'll surely succumb to once their current pace is no longer satisfying, but that doesn't make it any less intense. She's partly sure that this is one of the most vulnerable moments either of them has ever had when it comes to sex, and it wouldn't work if it weren't them together. No other person could consume her the way he does, taking up every unoccupied space of her soul until there's nothing left but the silent begging of her heart for him.
Their kiss is messy when it breaks to allow them the chance to suck down a couple breaths of air, saliva shining on his lips in between the seconds it takes them to come crashing back together.
It's loving enough to rot her teeth with its sweetness, a slow but impossibly deep grinding of their hips together that continually presses the tip of him into that sweet spot inside of her, but it takes a turn.
Not only do her hands shift from his hips up to the sides of his waist to get a firmer hold on him, the kiss starts to become vigorous, almost hungry, in search of something more. The dreamlike sequence of the first moment or so they spent slowly fucking under the warm hues of candlelight starts to unravel to reveal the baser instincts that guide them forward.
"Fuck, you feel so good," he whispers the praise into her mouth.
As soon as the words are said, he can feel the effect it has on her. The hands braced on his waist pull his body closer to her at the same moment that she involuntarily squeezes down around him, making the smooth drag of his cock against the velvet-soft heat of her walls even tighter than he thought possible.
The sudden feeling of it makes his first returning thrust much harder than the last. He jerks forward into her with none of the restraint he's retained for the past few moments, and her reaction is nothing short of perfection, at least from his perspective. He watches her throw her head back in a moan, hips bucking to him in pursuit of more, and feels the tips of her fingernails digging crescent-shaped marks into the unmarred skin along his waist.
"JJ!" she gasps in surprise, and if her initial reaction weren't enough to spur him on in a frenzied state of desire, this is.
He almost forgot how intense it had been the first time. Their confessions of love preceding this made them both somewhat softer and sweeter in their approach when they started, but he knows how she likes it.
Nobody would expect it from her. He's another story entirely, especially considering how much John B and Pope know about him, but her? He didn't have any in depth conversations about it with either of them, so none of their friends know how dirty she is.
But when you start to tease it out of her, she's got a side to her that makes his blood run hot. Considering how polite she is, he sure as hell didn't see it coming. For fuck's sake, she's the kind of person who'll apologize to a chair if she bumps into it. With that in mind he never thought she'd be the type to demand such things of him.
Just like that, with one moan of his name, it's like she flipped a switch in him that they forgot was there in the first place. It'll never stop surprising him how little it takes to get him going when he's with her, and he doesn't see that changing no matter how long they spend together in the future. Just a touch from her is all it takes, so it's needless to say that the sound of her calling out his name was more than enough.
Those slow, deep movements he made to sink into her again and again have turned rapid and rough, but still controlled enough to have a semblance of precision to them, hitting in all the right places.
"I bet," JJ speaks lowly, "that you want John B to walk out and see us right now."
She doesn't want to admit how much of an instantaneous effect those words have on her, but the feeling of her clenching around him as she bites back a moan completely betrays her. Partly, she worries that he'll take that the wrong way and think it has something to do with John B when it has nothing to do with him at all, but he doesn't. For the spare second of thought she's allowed to have before her mind goes hazy again, she notes how much more eager he is on the upstroke of the next thrust.
Noticing how right he was in his assumption about her liking the risk of getting caught jumpstarts his heart and makes everything he does rougher. She can sense that he's starting to lose control over himself and is acting on instinct alone.
It makes her much more sensitive to everything he does, and all she can do is cling to him and enjoy it as she takes in everything he says and does. It's hard to pick one thing to focus on between the switch up in pace and what he said.
"You want John B to know you like getting fucked like a slut, don't you?"
She could get off on the sound of his voice alone. Hearing him say stuff like that kills her, it makes the swirling bliss that builds in the pit of her abdomen with every thrust he gives her triple in its extremity.
Her legs are tightly wound around his hips to keep him as near to her as possible, her hands sliding up around his waist to keep a steady grasp on him while he pounds into her. The rug scratches at her back enough to make it sting alongside the immense pleasure building in her, but she doesn't care. When blended with the good sensations, the pain underscores the addictive feeling of him inside of her, fucking her exactly how she asked him too.
Looking up at him when he's like this is simply unreal. There's no other way of describing it in her eyes except for that. He's so stunning, she's inclined to believe that he isn't even real as a means of explaining it. This shouldn't be real. It should be one of her daydreams while she steals covert stares at him as they hang out with the Pogues, but it isn't. She can't wrap her head around it.
Those strands of hair that were damp from the rain are mostly dry as they fall into his eyes with the force of his movements. The sight of him alone, set aside from the rest of it, is enough to make her writhe beneath him and claw at his back in tandem with another thrust that sends her jolting against the rug.
He takes one of his hands up from where they both held her hips for leverage to weave his fingers into the roots of her hair.
He demands between the panting breaths and moans that flood the limited space between them, tugging on her hair, "Answer me."
She instantly blurts out the words, "I want him to see us." The feeling of him tilting her head back by the fistful of hair he has wrapped up in his hand is her persistent reminder to concentrate enough to continue, and she bites down on her lip to contain a moan before speaking again, "I want him to know..."
Her cheeks burn with the mere thought of it, let alone saying it out loud. He's the only person she'd ever let in on this intimate side of her, the side that makes her crazy when she hears him say stuff like this. The reason she feels so comfortable doing this with him is that she knows he understands her. It's as if he can read her mind without even having to try, knowing exactly what to say and when to say it.
It wouldn't matter if the topic of their exhibitionism were any other Pogue or a stranger, it isn't about who it is, it's about the thrill attached to the concept of almost getting seen during such a heated moment. In all actuality, John B is probably snoring face down into his pillow right now with no care for what's happening out here, but he knows what it does to her when they push the boundaries of decency this way. It's the same rush he gets from stealing random, useless things every so often, it's the thrill of getting away with something.
The hand tangled up in the roots of her hair sneaks down between their colliding bodies to rub her clit, and her mouth drops open to take in a shaky breath.
The sight of her beneath him is undoing in and of itself. Head tilted enough to expose her neck to him, chest rising and falling rapidly with her breaths, and breasts bouncing gently with the momentum of their actions—seeing her this way makes his thrusts ramp up into more of a frenzied, uncontainable pace rather than one with the same control and cadence as before. But it's mostly the eye contact that kills him. She doesn't dare to shut her eyes the entire time, as if she can sense that he'll tell her to look at him again the second she does.
"You want him to know what?" he asks, and she knows he won't let her get away with not saying it.
She whines, utterly helpless to the climax starting to build inside of her, "Please."
What she's pleading for, she isn't quite sure, but he can tell by how she's acting that she's starting to get closer, and he wants nothing more than to tease her with the impending chance of her orgasm.
"If you wanna come, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that."
Just like that, he withdraws his hand from between them and leaves her desperate, blindly grasping for the peak she was so close to reaching, she could almost feel it already.
With JJ rocking into her at a relaxed, slower rhythm, the pleasure hasn't disappeared completely. It's there, but she can sense the feeling of her orgasm receding as quickly as it had creeped up on her as soon as he slips his hand out from between them.
It's instantly clear to him how desperate she is as all of her previous shyness surrounding having to admit this to him out loud withers away in seconds. She isn't beneath begging again at this point. He could tell her to crawl across the floor to him and she'd happily do it for the chance of touching him. It's pathetic but true. As much as she has him wrapped around her finger, he has done the same to her and she isn't afraid to admit it anymore.
Her hips jerk toward him in search of the familiar frenzy they were in before that sent her to the brink of climax, but he is impressively stubborn. Despite the fact that it physically pains him to dial it back again, he tries to keep the signs of his own frustration at bay. She knew what she had to say to get what she wants, so he'll only cave when she does.
This time around, she doesn't give a fuck about how badly she blushes or the voice in the back of her mind telling her she should keep this side of her to herself. This time, the one thing she needs to do to prompt her to open her mouth and speak the dirty words he asked her less than a moment ago is look at him. One second of staring up at him and here she is, driven mad enough to say or do anything to get him to pick up where they left off.
She says between the soft noises and breaths coming from them both, clinging to him through every slow but deep thrust that sends sparks ricocheting through her body, "I want John B to know I like getting fucked like slut." Her voice is breathless, and he hangs off of each word as she pauses, looking up at him with a challenging attitude swirling in those pretty eyes. "So stop being a tease and fuck me like one."
His jaw clenches at the bratty statement, one he's too far gone to resist at this point, and right when he's about to respond to her, she speaks again.
"Either that," she says, and a deceptively sweet smile crosses her kiss-swollen lips, "or I can go ask him to—"
She doesn't even get the chance to voice the rest of that thought before he's set into motion.
The hands on her hips flip her over with such casual strength, all she can do is yelp in surprise at the sudden movement that blurs the living room in her peripheral version until she lands with her hands and knees pressing into the rug. He was so swift in pulling out of her and tossing her onto her front like she was nothing more than a rag doll, she hardly had the time to take a breath before she ended up here.
There's hardly any time between when he pulled out to flip her over and when he returns to her again, but it feels like an eternity for them. The few second transition might as well be a few years as she feels his hands guiding her body where he wants it, pushing down on her back until it arches just so, and falls down onto her arms. But as soon as she gets situated, she feels a pair of hands yanking her arms away from where they were braced against the floor and put them behind her back.
It's only then, when he has an unflinching grasp on where he keeps her wrists behind her back with one of his hands, that she is met with the relief of him sinking into her again.
Y/N's jaw goes slack, and she cries out into the rug that her cheek is pressed into as he gives her no chance to adjust or catch her breath before resuming the brutal pace they kept a moment ago. Mentioning anyone else but him doing this to her was the quickest way to get him to snap, so it's safe to say that she's getting what she wanted. After all, she did what he asked, it's fair that she gets rewarded for it.
Amidst the sounds of the storm waging war on the landscape outside of the house, the one thing she can hear over the buzzing pleasure that drowns out her senses is the sinful blend of sounds they create together. It's the sound of their bodies merging, his name falling from her lips, and the curses he makes under his breath that never fail to drive her a little wild.
The hand that isn't holding her arms behind her slides down the length of her curved back until it wraps around her throat to pin her down, and her reaction is everything he could ask for. Seeing her rock back against him to meet him halfway makes his grip on her wrists tighten enough to turn his knuckles white.
Her hair is spread in endless directions in a fan around her head, and he can only see one side of her face from where he kneels behind her, but that glimpse is more than enough. Brows scrunched in pleasure, mouth dropped open in a gape as soft 'uh's and 'ah's escape her on the upstroke of each thrust—she's a mess right now. A beautiful, perfect mess.
"Oh God, JJ," she moans between her rapid breaths and the strong hand constricting her neck, "I'm so close. Please, just let me come."
It took virtually nothing for her to be pushed right back to the edge of the peak she was at less than a minute ago. It took a mere half-minute of this and she's once again reduced to incoherent pleas for more and shaking with no control over herself. Her legs tremble with the effort to keep herself up in this position, and she isn't even the one doing most of the work. In all fairness, this change in position has made the intensity triple. It's deeper this way, and with how harshly he slams into her, it's as though she can feel it in the base of her abdomen.
It's the enjoyable type of pain, however, not the bad type. It'll surely end up with her being sore tomorrow, but she can't hide how much she loves the painful pleasure of how rough it's getting. Being denied an orgasm when she was so, so close to it was initially disappointing too, but it was worth it. If the build up to what would've been her climax before was a spark, this is a flourishing fire spreading through her with no chance of smothering the flames.
He lets go of her throat and taps the side of her jaw in a silent request that she picks up immediately, letting her lips fall open to suck his fingers into her mouth without a second of hesitation.
The taste of her arousal on them is faint, but still there, and it occurs to her that she thought about this earlier before things evolved into chaos. Her tongue swirls around the tips of his fingers as he starts to pull them away in what feels like the blink of an eye to her, leaving him to remember what it felt like when her lips were once wrapped around a more sensitive part of him a week and a half ago.
The one other time he let himself remember it was when they were on the boat with the Pogues, yet that wasn't really of his own volition. It was hot out, so Kiara bought ice pops for them and his mind wandered far from where it should've stayed.
Shining with her saliva, his fingers are pulled from her lips with a soft 'pop' in pursuit of that sensitive collection of nerves at the apex of her thighs. She just needs is a little push to go over the edge, and when he slips his hand down her body to rub tight circles onto her clit, she loses whatever remnants of control over herself she had left.
The steady rhythm of her hips moving back against him falters as she is overwhelmed with the separate sensations culminating into one and giving her the push she needs to come. Her entire body tenses up in anticipation, and since she's pinned to the floor with her hands behind her back, she can only lay there and savor the feeling as it hits her.
After what felt like ages of having it build and build within her, then having it taken away to start the process over again, finally being given a release is a relief beyond any she's felt before.
It's so consuming, it takes away her ability to think of anything outside of how it feels to dissolve into the shockwaves of euphoria rushing through her. Every pulsing wave is prolonged by him, not even through the peak of it does he let up on his precise touches and unforgiving thrusts into her that turn a typical orgasm into the most intense thing she's ever felt.
She's melting in his arms through it all, and as if the change in position didn't make it worse, her involuntary spasms leave him hanging on by a thread.
JJ collapses onto her, barely having the chance to keep himself propped up on his arms as he lets go of her wrists and falls forward onto her sweat-slick back.
The heat of his panting exhales raises goosebumps in its wake where his face is buried into the curve of her neck, and he whines at the impossibly tight feeling of her squeezing around his cock through the end of her climax. Those sounds he doesn't realize he's making have her writhing through the aftershocks, answering with a sound of her own that almost makes him come instantly.
For that reason, he makes the decision to pull out and flip her onto her back.
At this point, she's so dazed and fucked out that she doesn't register any of it until she notices the hollow absence of him inside of her, but it doesn't matter when his face appears through the partial darkness above her.
Despite how sensitive she is right now, the sight of him makes her hands reach out blindly to pull him closer again. They're frantic in their need to get back to one another, grasping and clawing until he finds his way back to her in less than a second, hiking her legs up around his waist with a touch that is somehow demanding and tender at the same time.
It's only when he's inside of her again that it occurs to her why he rolled her onto her back again, and it makes her want to kiss him until her lips turn numb. It may be undeniably hotter to pin someone down and fuck them hoarse, but, no, that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be able to look at her, to see her face, and the thought of that has her biting back a sudden confession of love. She isn't sure why she doesn't say it right away, since it isn't like they haven't already done it, but she keeps it to herself for a second first.
It's different now. It's not less passionate or frenetic. It isn't as if he isn't being as rough with her as he was before, but they can both sense a shift in the energy between them as soon as he reenters her. It's less about the pursuit of pleasure and more about the feelings they've kept hidden away for so long. It's a simultaneous realization that hits them a little late after they initially confessed their feelings for each other: this is reality. It's real, and when she touches him this time, he isn't going to disappear if she opens her eyes.
The realization of what happened tonight had yet to hit them until right this second, but now that it has, they move forward with a sense of sentimentality that remained partly dormant before.
If there's anything JJ dislikes, it's being vulnerable. The idea of letting someone in to see every part of him, including the parts he doesn't want to see of himself, has always terrified him after years of being made to believe he's undeserving, yet he isn't uncomfortable right now. Somehow, he feels safe with her. Sex has never been something so emotional for him until now, until her, and he doesn't want it differently.
Their bodies are drawn in close, her arms thrown around his neck, and he's so close, he can feel the muscles leading down past his lower abdomen contract with the inevitable approach of his orgasm. She can sense it too in how he acts.
When he gets close, he becomes clingier and lets his feelings get the better of him. His hands squeeze at her hips, sliding up her sides and back down to hike one of her legs up high around his waist to press deeper into her. He can't bear to allow his touch to stay in one place for too long before exploring another part of her, wanting to memorize the delicate intricacies of her body in its entirety.
It's as if she can read his mind too, cause even when she's sensitive enough to gasp when he pushes her thigh to her chest and throws his remaining energy into fucking her at a satisfying pace, she understands what he needs. She knows to reach up and run her fingers through his hair, to tug on it gently until the light strands are taut from his scalp. She knows to lift her head off of the floor enough to trail tender kisses along his face, his jaw, his neck—anywhere she can access.
"Come for me," she says into a kiss placed on the edge of his cheekbone, reeling in overstimulation as she jolts with his quickening thrusts, "I want to watch you..."
Hearing those words, paired with the kisses and fingers pulling on his hair, does it for him. It doesn't take more for his hips to falter and jerk forward into her a final few times before he comes.
Their foreheads press together as they cling to one another for stability, though it's mostly JJ clinging to her while she watches in adoration, and she has to bite her lip to contain a moan at how it feels. The aftershocks of her orgasm have yet to fade as the feeling of pulsing warmth inside of her makes them stronger, reigniting the fire she felt a moment ago if only for a second.
There's a closeness to this situation that they hadn't felt the last time, and they know it has everything to do with what was said before this happened. The sex itself feels like a dream sequence in her mind now that she's coming down from it with him, moving together slowly and gently beneath the candlelight until they ride out the ends of their highs. It was like they were put under a trance by each other, and now that it's over, the first thoughts that come to mind are of what comes next.
It's not the sole topic on their minds though. They're more focused on catching their breath from where they lay, tangled up together, on the living room floor. As soon as the very last of his orgasm faded from him, he fell onto her without a single ounce of energy left to spare. He's careful not to crush her, but, for the most part, he relaxes on top of her and lets his head rest on her heaving chest.
Strong arms slip down to loop around her waist, and she sure that she couldn't get him to release her if she wanted to, which she doesn't.
But they can't stay like this, not for any longer than a few moments anyway, since they don't know how if John B might wake up and come out of the safety of his bedroom after hours of leaving them to their own devices. JJ was right. He's out cold, but for as much as it turned them on in the heat of the moment, neither of them finds getting caught by him as hot with the clarity of their rational minds coming back to them.
He's the one to break the silence.
"As much as I wanna stay like this, we should probably move in case John B wakes up."
The sound of his voice settles in her with the effects of a sedative. It calms her more than anything else could, especially with the added comfort of him cuddling her so closely. One of her hands strokes through his hair and pushes the damp tendrils of sunshine away from his face as he cranes his neck to look up at her. And, for fuck's sake, what else is she to do except admire him?
His cheeks are dusted pink in a way they often are when he spends too much time outside without one of his hats shielding his face, and she thinks he's never looked better.
Ever since they became friends, she's had this theory about him. In the unrealistic landscape of her overactive imagination, JJ didn't come to this world the way the rest of them did. To her, it seems impossible that someone so good, even in his worst moments, could've come from someone like his dad.
So, in idle moments where she would watch him on a day out with the Pogues or daydream about him, she decided that he's the sun.
She imagines he was created in those breathtaking but brief moments where the sun meets the horizon atop the ocean and washes the sky with a vast array of colors. She likes to think he's the incarnation of it. Golden, warm, and bright for everyone but himself, he keeps the world light for her and their friends without intending to.
Some days are warmer than others too. Some days, the light is dimmed by another bruise beneath his clothes or a bad run-in with some kooks, but today is not like that. This moment is eighty-five and sunny with a balmy breeze. Looking at him right now feels like basking in the sun, and she'd burn here forever if he let her.
Without realizing she zoned out, she jolts when he pinches her arm to rouse her from her ridiculous thoughts. He has this dopey half-smile on his face that nearly draws her back into them again.
"You know what they say," he says, "if you take a picture..."
Her soft laughter invades the room, filling his heart with this light, fluttery feeling that always finds him when she's near. His smile grows as she playfully shoves him and reaches above their heads for her wet shirt to cover up with just in case. Odds are, their friend isn't waking up at the exact moment before they seclude themselves to the spare room and get dressed, but she doesn't wanna take that chance.
"I wasn't staring."
She was totally staring. But who could blame her? When someone looks at a person the way he looks at her, how could they ever stay away?
"Whatever you say."
JJ keeps smiling to himself while he pulls his underwear and shorts up his legs and waits for her to be decent enough to sneak past John B's bedroom to the bathroom at the end of the hallway.
The clothes are soaked through with rainwater, so they feel quite uncomfortable to slip back on, but they merely redress enough to be covered. She stole his shirt to avoid putting her shorts back on, the hem of the grey tee hanging right at the tops of her thighs when she walks. As soon as she slips her panties back on and picks up the rest of their cold, wet clothes, that's the cue he needs to scoop her up and take her away.
Y/N curses under her breath in surprise at feeling her feet being plucked off the ground, but she relaxes again once she's settled in his arms, realizing that it was just him who snuck up behind her and lifted her into his arms.
She doesn't say anything on the way to the bathroom. Instead, she lays her head on his shoulder in exhaustion and finds herself staring at the mark she left behind on his neck.
It's a deep, purplish red against the backdrop of his tan skin...the Pogues will surely notice the next time they see him. And while it will make her blush, it won't make her scared as it once would've. There may be a lingering sense of doubt and insecurity within her, but she wants this with him. Even if it means being teased by their friends or dealing with the jealousy of watching kook girls and tourons at parties hit on him, she wants this.
By the time the shower is spraying the rainwater from her hair and washing her clean of sweat sticking to her skin, she realizes that he isn't saying anything either, but she doesn't think it's out of any awkwardness or miscommunication. There's truly nothing to say, at least for now.
Though they didn't have the chance to talk in depth about everything yet, neither of them thinks of that right now. All they know is that they're together, whether it be officially or not, and it feels good. For once, something in his life feels right, and he lets himself enjoy it in silence.
The shower is a cramped space when shared between them and the wet clothes they have draped over the back edge of the tub, but they make it work. It's not like they mind anyway.
They bump into one another whenever they do so much as breathe, and the white walls echo the sounds of her giggling when he tries to tickle her. She leans her head back against his chest and lets out a laugh with shampoo dripping down the front of her face, and he'll be damned if he ever heard a sound as intoxicating as that.
It's a little weird. He's never been as soft and loving with a person before, and he has already felt overwhelmed in the lulls of quiet between them when he's given the chance to think about it.
When she washes his hair for him, insisting that she must return the favor after he so kindly washed hers, he was struck with the same mixture of wanting to simultaneously lean into and pull away from her that he felt the night of the party.
The warmth of the water loosens his sore muscles, washing suds of the green apple scented shampoo over his shoulders and down, down, down until it circles the drain beside his feet. All the while, her fingertips are delicately tracing over a healing bruise on his torso. Those pretty lips of hers are painted in a suppressed frown that she can't hide from him.
"Are you okay?" Y/N asks.
His instant reaction is to fake a smile, to brush it off and distract her as he usually does, yet he doesn't. He forces himself to remain neutral and not push her away.
"Happens all the time," he murmurs, shrugging and averting his eyes to reach for the soap off on the ledge.
The hands holding either side of his waist tighten as he tries to turn, pulling him back to her with more strength than he knew to anticipate from her. Their chests gently collide back together beneath the stream of water, and she can feel his breathing catch for a second or so in response.
The fact that their relationship has changed doesn't change how she handles this aspect of his life. Their new confessions don't have an impact on the part of his life he never wants to let anyone see, so she isn't going to force him to talk about it because they're trying out this whole relationship thing now. He has hard boundaries that she knows not to push sometimes. That's the way it is, and it might change as they grow closer but she knows to accept it for the moment.
As soon as he hears what she has to say next, he could crumble in relief at the realization that their new dynamic doesn't change anything.
"I didn't necessarily mean...that...I meant generally, you know? It's just that—" she sighs, "you shrink away a little when I hold you, and I wondered if I was making you uncomfortable."
Before she could finish the sentence, JJ was already thinking of what to say to prove her wrong, because that's not it. That's not what it is, and if she thinks she's done anything wrong, he'll do anything to convince her otherwise because it isn't her. It's him.
It's his dad lingering in the darker trenches of his mind, commanding his fear and attention so that even when he isn't physically present, he's still here. Part of why he denied wanting her was because he knew these types of things would arise in the beginning, that there would be difficult adjustments to make and conversations to be had, and he didn't want her to leave him as soon as she was faced with one of these things.
He shakes his head.
"You didn't do anything."
The feeing of her chest rising and falling with his begins to steady him after a moment of allowing the initial hesitation to dissolve. His internal reaction to her touch is the mental incarnation of a flinch. It's him waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting her to do something, to hurt him, before his mind catches up with his heart. But once he realizes everything's okay, he loves it.
"It's kinda embarrassing, but I guess when you touch me, I'm expecting something else," he says softly, scared that if he speaks too loudly, everyone in the world will know how weak he feels.
She should've figured, but hearing him say it is different than wondering what the reasoning behind it is. Hearing him admit it after months of strict avoidance on the topic is a sucker punch to the gut.
Both times they had sex, he was too distracted and thoughtless to get caught up in that part of himself, but it's when the bliss of the afterglow disappears that it creeps back in. That's why he could always handle touch when it came in that context. It was his way of obtaining what he wanted without having to face this side of it—a temporary fix to a greater web of issues.
But there's nothing temporary about her. He doesn't want her to leave him, not without him resisting the urge to beg her on his knees to stay and at least remain his friend, so there's no choice but to face these momentary challenges head on.
She pauses for a second, thinking, then says, "You don't have to be embarrassed about it, I get it. We'll just have to take it day by day then. We can take it slow, and you'll let me know if it gets to be too much, okay?"
It's hard not to be shocked by how well she's taking it. A lot of people probably wouldn't feel too great after someone they love tells them they expect to be hit whenever they touch them, yet she's taking it in stride.
Things are back to normal as soon as she sees the grin on his face.
"So, you're saying you're gonna be trying not to throw yourself at me all the time?" JJ asks, then clicks his tongue as though in thought. "I give you a week. Tops."
Her eyes go wide as she looks at him. She holds her hand over her heart as she pretends to be scandalized by such an accusation, but they know it's true. They both can't keep their hands off of one another, which is why it confuses him. How can he want to reject and enjoy her touch at the same time? Sure, the discomfort disappears after the first split-second, but the fact that it happens in the first place annoys him to no end.
She rolls her eyes and tries to hide the fact that she's giggling as she reaches for the soap.
"You're a little shit, you know that?"
He doesn't miss a beat, saying back, "Yeah but I'm your little shit, so I feel like that says more about you than it does me."
While he's too busy rinsing the rest of the shampoo out of his hair, she smiles to herself at what he said.
Hers.
Nobody has ever been hers before, or proclaimed themselves as belonging to her as proudly and casually as he just did, and her heart melts over the sweet sentiment he didn't think twice about.
Less than a day ago, she was agonizing over her relationship with him and trying to ignore how powerful those feelings for him were, and now they're here. She no longer has to steal glances when he looks away or hide how jealous she feels when other girls flirt with him. To finally let the tension disappear is an immense weight off of her shoulders.
The rest of the shower is as quiet as the start of it was, and that comfortable silence continues through from when they're drying off and redressing to when they hit the mattress in the spare bedroom with tired sighs.
After the day they had, the mere suggestion of sleep is enough to make them start yawning, so being able to slip beneath the sheets and rest their heads almost sings her to sleep instantly.
Their bodies are laying in the exact outlines of where they laid the night of the party, the only difference this time being their mindsets. This time around, they aren't holding themselves back from anything, and it's most evident in the little things. Like how she doesn't turn around to shield her face from him, instead laying with her head propped on the other end of his favorite pillow.
They're so close, their noses brush if they make any slight movements, and this would be enough for him to submit to the urge to drift into sleep if not for the fact that he feels her jolt when thunder rumbles loudly outside of the window.
Much like his own fears being pushed to the side amidst their desire for each other, her anxiety about the storm wasn't on her mind until they laid down to sleep.
She was so wrapped up in him and everything that happened between them that she didn't have the time to think again until now, until she hears the violent patter of rain against the roof and feels her stomach drop at the sound of the thunder. Suddenly, she's not the one reassuring him about his fearful reactions, it's the other way around.
His warm hand takes hers, snatching it up as though he's worried it'll disappear if he doesn't take it quickly enough, and she lets him. Her eyes flutter shut with the release of a slow, deep breath, and she lets the presence of his hand in hers bring her back to earth.
JJ asks into the darkness, "Can I take you out on a real date?" After a beat of silence, the comforting sound of his voice returns to her. "Not that this isn't fun, but I think you deserve a little more effort than John B's living room floor."
A short-lived chuckle escapes her—a win as far as he's concerned. It's difficult to lure her head from the clouds when she gets this way, and it isn't like he has much experience with calming her during these moments either, but that sounded good to him. It sounded like she wasn't thinking about the increased pace of her heart or the howling wind outside.
He was planning on asking anyway. However fitting of a first night together this was, he wants to take her out for real sometime soon. He doesn't have much money for it, like at all, but they can come up with something special together, even if it's similar to the same shit they usually do together. As long as it's time alone together, they don't necessarily care if it's a perfectly traditional first date.
The tip of his thumb rubs comforting circles onto the back of her hand in the brief time it takes her to respond, stroking the soft skin as if to tell her that everything's okay. It seems to say, I'm right here. Nothing can hurt you. And it might make her crazy, but she believes him. JJ could take her back out into the eye of the hurricane at this very moment and she'd still believe his unspoken promise of not letting her into harm's way.
"Of course," she says, then pauses, and the sound of her sleepy voice hardly reaches his ears when she speaks again, "...I'm sorry I avoided you for the past few days. I was scared to tell you how I felt but I shouldn't have left that morning."
The memory of waking up in his arms is fresh in the forefront of her mind, so much so that she can remember the way his breath felt where it exhaled in warm puffs onto her skin.
In the first few moments of consciousness, it was peaceful.
She laid awake for a minute or two to count his breaths and soak in the comfort of being cuddled up next to him, wishing she could stay there for hours. It wasn't until another moment passed that it clicked with her where she was and what was going on between them recently, and that was what prompted her to slip away from the bed to get ready for her day at work.
It was the second time in a row that she left him in that bed with nothing to wake up to but the cold absence of her body between the sheets he slept under, and he can't deny that it's part of why he holds onto her hand so tightly tonight. Even though she's promised him otherwise, he can't help but think she'll be gone by the time he wakes up. At this point, he's struggling to stay conscious. She can see those pretty eyes drooping more and more by the second, yet the hand holding hers doesn't loosen its grip.
He takes a deep breath and scoots closer to her, keeping his one hand in hers while the other arm drapes itself over her waist, and he can feel her relax into the touch.
"It's okay," he says.
It's easier for him to adjust to so much physical contact when he's the one initiating. He knows that's why she only reached out to hold his hand. If she had it her way, she would've already been cuddling with him as soon as they laid down, but he likes that she gives him the space to initiate it. In the ways it counts the most, she cares about him more than anyone else has.
The touch in itself is his way of accepting her apology. However, truth be told, he already forgave her for it before knowing his love was reciprocated could be a possibility.
Right when she's about to fall asleep, the screen door slamming open and shut with the wind on the back porch makes her whip her head around to look over her shoulder in the direction of the sound. It seems like every time he successfully distracts her from it, the storm finds new ways of reminding her of what's happening outside of the safety of the Chateau.
There's the sound of a barely audible, sharp inhale, then her whispering into the dark room as she looks at the closed door, "I can't believe I went out into that. What the fuck was I thinking?"
It's beginning to close in on her again; the sounds of the storm, the sense of being trapped no matter how safe they truly are, and the rising tidal wave of anxiety that picks up speed the more she tries to will it to stop. This is the part where she tries to relieve it in some way, usually by smoking weed to sleep or going to one of her parents so they can help her through it, but she can't help herself right now.
Debris was being picked and tossed around in the wind like it weighed nothing when she was out there, she could've been knocked into the marsh or struck by a piece of debris.
How could she be so stupid?
Not only could she have hurt herself, she could've hurt JJ knowing that he'd likely follow her out into the storm to bring her back inside, and the thought of him being hurt makes the tension in her chest heavier. Her breathing picks up speed, the anxiety starting to snowball out of control when—
"Hey, look at me," JJ says, reaching up to turn her head to face him, and she damn near crumbles in relief at feeling his hand cup her cheek. It doesn't make it all disappear, but it provides a momentary comfort that she doesn't take for granted. "You're safe here. You know damn well I'll do anything to protect you. I mean, shit, dude, if I have to go out there and tell that rain to fuck off, I will."
This draws out a laugh from her, chest stuttering with the happy sound through the tears glistening in her eyes, and he never wants to stop hearing it. His thumb swipes away the first teardrop that falls before it can slip over the apples of her cheeks.
I'm
Her quiet cries and shaky breaths continue for a while after the laughter disappears. For a second or two, he watches with his thumb still wiping her tears away and hopes that it'll be enough to comfort her, but it can't do it completely.
He pulls away from her to get up from the bed with an idea popping into his mind, but upon hearing her whine at the loss of contact with him, he pauses to say, "I'll be back quick, don't worry."
The remaining humorous side of her left wonders if he's actually gonna go tell the rain to fuck off, but he's just opening the bedroom door to trot out into the living room.
A candle burning on the coffee table illuminates the space for him, guiding him straight to the forgotten backpack she left slumped against the arm of the couch hours before their relationship was changed for the better. It takes him an instant to get there and back with the bag in hand, and he's digging through it for a second before climbing back into bed with her.
If anyone else rifled through her bag, sifted through her personal belongings, and dug her phone out of it, she'd probably be annoyed, but she never is with him. She's inherently protective of her things, but JJ can do whatever he wants and it has always been that way. It should've been the first warning of what was to come.
He pulls the sheet back over his body and scoots up close to her, trying to resist the urge to retreat at first when he maneuvers her to lay with her head on his shoulder. It should trigger the flight or fight response that often alarms in his head, but he's able to push it away.
She's so vulnerable right now, so gentle and in need of the warmth of another person that he isn't as intimidated. It's not that she couldn't hurt him if she wanted to right now, she could, but he knows her. He knows that the last thing she'd ever want to do is hurt him, so he has to remind himself of that and give himself the permission to enjoy the physical intimacy of her touch. The part of him that questions if he even deserves it can't reach him now, not when he's so focused on her.
"Thumb?" he asks with the phone held out expectantly.
The screen is less than two inches from her face, so she has to push it back slightly, but she flattens her thumb to the button without further hesitation.
When he unwraps the pair of headphones from around the palm of his hand and plugs them into the charging port, she realizes why he left in the first place.
When she was facing away from him, eyes shut and headphones in to distract herself with music earlier, he was stealing glances at her every so often. He tried to keep away from her for the most part. It was difficult though, especially knowing what she said about being jealous the night of the party and knowing how scared she was of the hurricane. He couldn't help but keep an eye on her, for both his own selfish needs and his worry for her.
He keeps an arm tucked around her, pressing her body into his while he pops one of the headphones into her ear and the other into his. The thing is, her eyes aren't trained on the screen like his are once he starts looking through her vast collection of not-so-legally acquired music for a song that suits both of their tastes, they're trained on him.
Their taste in music tends to diverge in certain ways and overlap in others, so there's always a fifty/fifty shot of him liking what she plays when she's the one picking the music. That is why he smiles to himself and halts the endless scrolling in its tracks to hover his thumb over one song.
He obviously heard it before she played it that one time, but it's different for him now. They were riding together in the backseat of the Twinkie on the way to the beach with John B, Kie, and Pope when they let her take her turn to play a song.
That's how it is with them, the driver goes first, then it goes to the front seat passenger, and so on and so on until they make their way back to the beginning of the rotation. It was her turn when she picked this song, and it could've been the song, or the sunset shining through the window, but he felt as though his heart exploded when he looked at her in the middle of it.
He remembers feeling confused, confused as to why he couldn't catch his breath and why he suddenly adored the song he only heard casually a couple of times.
It was her. It was everything about her. The soft hum of her voice murmuring the lyrics, too shy to actually sing them in the presence of anyone else, was too delicate for the others to appreciate over the sounds of the van. He heard it though. He clung to it and admired her, so unashamed in his staring that he didn't realize he was doing it. It wasn't until she noticed that he stopped.
"Do I still have ice cream on my face or something?"
Her fingers came up to wipe at the corner over her mouth, and the action sent him turning his attention away quicker than he knew he could move, pulling the lighter out of his pocket to fiddle with as he mumbled, "Yeah, but you got it off now."
The cheery melody of Just Like Heaven bursts out of each headphone into their ears.
How did he know? How is he constantly reading her mind without realizing it?
This was her first song on the couch that she couldn't stand to sit through without thinking, naturally, of him when confronted with the topic of love. Somehow, it's like he knew that, and instead of feeling exposed and scared he'll know her feelings like before, she feels loved.
She is never skipping this song again.
"Go to sleep," he murmurs, clicking the screen off and resting it on his stomach.
It takes him a short thirty seconds to fall into an easy, calm pattern of breathing that tells her he isn't asleep, but soon will be. But she's fighting her sleepiness to continue looking at him. His eyes are fluttered shut, hair messy on the pillow, and she'd want to reach up to kiss him if he weren't trying to fall asleep.
Instead, she settles for matching her quickened breaths to the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath her hand and shuts her eyes along with him.
By the time the song reaches its end, she thinks he's asleep, but she still whispers, "Thank you," and feels his arm squeeze around her body in response.
The next songs fade into white noise at this point for her, drowning out the storm to the point where she begins to forget it's happening out there.
Maybe they can be each other's safe place when things get rough. After all, he handled this wonderfully considering his lack of experience with her anxiety and she never pushes him on his plethora of unsorted issues, even when she wants so badly to be the one to initiate the touch.
She never makes him think she pities him, or wants to "fix" him like so many partners with savior complexes who will never try to understand how it feels often do in these situations. With each other, maybe it doesn't have to be so complicated anymore, even when they have those inevitable arguments here or there.
The last thing he does before allowing himself to be dragged under is brush his lips on her forehead in a tender kiss. And when he eventually wakes to the rising sun shining through the windows in the aftermath of the violent hurricane, she's still there.
Tag List: @jjjmaybank, @its-simply-fanfiction, @naughtydild0swaggins.
417 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hearts in Secret: Epilogue
Pairing: King!Bucky Barnes x Princess!Readers
Summary: A year after their wedding, James and Y/n visit the place where it all began
Warning(s): Fluff, so much fluff it might make you sick, a poorly written wedding scene, questionable writing
Word Count: 3,021
Prompt: "Do you even know my name, screw boy?"
Series Masterlist
Author's Note: this is it, the ending to one of my very first fics... I almost cried writing it. there were a few times i had to go back to old chapters for reference and I got hit with so much nostalgia... I know it's not the most well-written fics out there but my days, it is so important to me. bucky and y/n in this fic are my favorites, I adore writing them. I'll miss them so much. i know it took a while to get here, but I appreciate all of your support! I'm sorry for all of the delays. But I am so thankful for everyone who has read and commented on this series! ily all! also know the delays on the final part were for the best, because this is the only way I could have thought to end the series
(not my picture)
Four Months Later.
The most anticipated event of the year is here and the princess' nerves cannot bear the anxiety that comes with it. She is, of course, excited. However, the thought of all those people watching her and Bucky share an intimate moment such as this, feels wrong. As if this wedding is meant for her and James alone. It’s fitting for their service to mirror how they met, just the two of them. But alas, that cannot be the case. The King and Queen would never approve of it.
"You are nervous my dear." The older woman strokes the princess's hair as she speaks. Nimble fingers work gently to detangle small knots.
"I should not be. I should be excited." Y/n mumbles. Disappointed in herself for feeling the way she does. As hard as she tried, she has had no luck in shaking away her anxiety. Even if she is able to find a distraction, it never seems to last for long.
"It is your wedding day. It would be strange if you were not nervous." Queen Sarah's voice is calm, reassuring as always. Her mother’s steady hands comb through her hair, noticing the vase of baby’s breath on the desk, she places a few in the braids crowning her head. Y/n leans into her mother's touch.
"Were you?"
"Nervous?" The queen asks though she already knows the answer. Then she laughs, as elegant as ever. "More than you know my dear." Y/n has heard the story of her parent’s wedding more times than she can count. However, the queen has always left out her true feelings going into her wedding day.
"Had it not been for my mother I would have hidden away in the gardens." She smiles fondly, her blue eyes are distant as she remembers that day as if it had taken place last week.
"I was so nervous, my ladies in waiting were not able to do anything to help me get ready. I would not stop moving." The two women laugh as Queen Sarah, she finds her mother’s story reassuring. It calms her knowing that even the effortlessly perfect Queen Sarah gets nervous, allowing her emotions to get the better of her from time to time.
_______
"How are you feeling, James?" Steve asked the anxious man in front of him. A second passes him by before he mumbles out some sort of answer, which Steve does not hear. Nervous hands fidget with the cuff of his sleeve, adjusting them for the seventh time in an hour. James stares at the large castle that his soon-to-be wife has called home her entire life. He wonders how it must feel, knowing she will not be able to call it home after today.
“Nervous, I suppose.” He pauses for a second, though it feels to be hours to him. “Although I feel foolish for feeling that way.” He admits, his cheeks turning a pale shade of pink. He ducks his head and a few strands of hair fall into his face.
Steve's hand clasps onto his shoulder, giving it a few squeezes before reassuring his friend that everything will be okay. Before James has the chance to share more of his concerns, a royal carriage arrives in front of them, the horses whinny as they are halted to a stop. A few seconds pass before the footman opens the coach door. Queen Sarah is first to step out, grabbing onto the footman's outstretched hand, she descends the steps of the coach.
Gravel crunches under her heel as she walks over to where the two men stand, a radiant smile on her lips. Her dress is long, flowing, and the most beautiful shade of scarlet. She greets both of them, first hugging her son, then her soon-to-be son-in-law.
“You look stunning,” Steve greets her, wearing a smile that mirrors her own.
James waits anxiously, poking a shoe at the gravel, waiting for his bride to exit the carriage. What feels to be an hour passes before the footman outstretches his hand. Before James’ mind has a chance to catch up with his body, he is running towards the carriage, blue eyes fixated on its golden details. Stopping next to the young boy, he insists he can take over for the time being.
Hand stretched out, she places a hand into his palm, fingers wrapped around hers, he carefully helps her down the stairs. Azure eyes meet e/c ones, standing inches away, he towers over her, making her crane her neck to look at him.
“I knew it was you,” she whispers, breathless and starry-eyed as he watches her, bright blue eyes scanning over every detail, he soaks her in, his hands holding her arms as if she were a delicate flower. She melts into his touch.
"You look…" his sentence trails off as he looks over every detail, he notes how the royal blue dress brings out the light in her eyes, long hair cascades down her back, two braids wrapped around her head creating a crown, baby’s breath standout amongst the h/c hair. She radiates light as if she were a goddess sent to earth simply for him.
“Radiant.” he finally utters, had it not been for their proximity, she would not have heard him. Long figures graze over ornamental jewels adorning the velvety material, hands resting on her arms, he gently pulls her closer.
“And you look handsome. Far more handsome than any other man I have seen.” She compliments wearing an easy smile. Her words are as honest and true as she is. When offered, she loops her right arm through his left elbow, they walk towards Steve and their mother.
"Are you ready, my love?" she asks, whispering so only he can hear her. He gulps, swallowing the lump in his throat. A nod of his head tells her he is, the look on his face says something else.
"I have been nervous all morning. Had it not been for Mother I might have run away." Her joke helps him to relax slightly. A bit of tension leaves his shoulders. A smile pulls at his lips, then he laughs, it is short and sweet but helps relieve them all the same.
Arm in Arm, they walk towards the royal carriage, prepared for them to be taken to the church. Behind them, Steve and their parents follow on horses.
James sits across from Y/n, eyes watching the scenery as they ride by. A comfortable silence falls between them.
As they near the cobblestone building, the minstrels begin playing a song they had been practicing for weeks. The congregation stands, out of respect for the king and future queen. All eyes on them, as they exit the carriage. Walking down the aisle, guests whisper good fortunes.
They ascend the cobble stairs, stopping in front of the priest. The band stops, the guests sit, and the priest begins the ceremony. Standing hand in hand, they vow to love each other through sickness and health, and for the rest of their lives. A promise which is sealed by a kiss.
One Year Later
She stands there, eyes closed and breathing in the cold wind; dancing across her face and flowing through her hair. The winter air is cold against her skin, a chill runs down her spine, one she doesn't quite mind. It had been far too long since she last left the walls of her new home, no thanks to the endless winter and the mountains of snow it brought. Although she would not call roaming the palace gardens leaving, it was as close as she had gotten in a long while.
The wind blows again, the slightest bit warmer than the first, there is a promise behind it, that the bitter winter shall soon end and will be replaced with the spring. Birds begin to chirp and flowers bud. Two more signs of the change in seasons. Another light breeze moves her dress as careful hands inspect a budding rose.
A voice calls out to her from behind, asking, "Are you okay, M’lady?" eyes snap up, instantly locking with blue ones. She smiles, “The roses are budding quite nicely this year.” her eyes drop down to the yellow rose between her fingertips. James drapes his left arm around her shoulders and plants a kiss onto the crown of her head.
Light grey clouds litter the afternoon sky, patches of light blue and rays of sunshine peek through, the wind blows them to the north. A young Cardinal flies past, landing on the branch of a Magnolia, the branch bounces from the new weight of the bird, making day-old snowfall to the ground, revealing flower buds, one more promise of winter’s end.
“The men confirmed the paths are clear enough to ride.” James comments, blue eyes watching the horizon, he pulls her closer before turning to wrap both arms around her shoulders, eyes staring into hers, a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips. Arms snake under his cloak and tightly around his waist, warmth and the scent of pine greets her. She looks at him, taking in his appearance, cheeks and nose are rosy from the cool air,
“Would you like to go for a ride, m’lady?” his question is met with a blank face staring up at him. Arms wrapped around his waist, she weighs her options. He watches her as she thinks, it has been a year since they wed, yet James is still not used to having another presence in the castle. For years it had been him and his servants, guards, and the rest of the palace workers. He grew used to isolation after his parents death. But now he is no longer alone, he has his elegant, wise, caring, and incredibly beautiful wife to keep him company, which is a feeling he is still navigating. He thanks God for that fateful day they met in the woods.
“We have far too many responsibilities to be running off. Besides, we are not children anymore. It is time to grow up, James.” The blue-eyed man stares at her, face blank as if he does not know the woman standing before him. Where had the wild, carefree girl he met in a forest long ago, disappeared to? Who was this responsible Queen in front of him?
The smile he once wore drops, “Are you feeling okay, my dear?” he asks her, distress evident in his tone. Raising a hand, he feels her forehead with the back of his hand, her skin against his is warm, but she does not seem to be running a fever. He watches her another moment, hand cupping her face. Disappointment pinches in his chest, though he supposes this is for the best, he is king, and she is queen. To leave would be irresponsible.
A smile spreads across her face, so wide it almost hurts. “Do you truly believe that I would ever deny a chance to escape?” She questions, eyebrow raised, a smirk on her lips, she leans into his touch.
“Of course, I want to go. Had you asked me to run away I would have said yes, I will go anywhere so long as I am with you, my love.” Pink flushes his cheeks, embarrassed he failed to catch onto her jest. He sees in full now, the mischief in her eyes. Soft lips kiss his wrist. He finds reassurance in her touch.
“I thought you might be ill,” James admits, a chuckle leaving past his lips, he laughs to hide the worry he felt. He pulls away, just enough to take her hand into his, urging her to follow him to the stables.
Tacking up the horses takes longer than usual, while Y/n is on the lookout, James gets them ready. They must not be as discreet as they once were, because a few maids and a royal guard, who has been working for no more than a month, walked past. Peter, a young stable boy, asked them why the king and queen were preparing the royal horses themselves. To which James told him they had secret, royal business to attend to. The white lie made laughter bubble in the queen's chest, she did well to hide it behind her hand.
Bucky rides down a path his wife is not all that familiar with. She follows him, no questions asked, considering that she is still learning the lands, she does not have much room for question. Patches of snow cover the ground, mixing with mud as it melts. Budding trees surround them on either side as James rides down a narrow path, leading into the forest. The deeper into the forest they ride, the more she recognizes her surroundings. A small smile begins to pull at the corners of her lips. Old memories of a different life flood her mind.
A small brook babbles as they ride next to it, chunks of ice and snow flow downstream. A young deer stands by the water’s edge, ears alert as the king and queen ride past. The sun shines through the edge of the forest, golden rays illuminate the ground, reflecting off of patches of melting snow. Past the trees, they ride into a familiar field. At The top of a small hill sits an old Oak tree, a full-blown smile spread across her lips at the sight of it. Though the leaves have long since fallen from its branches, and it seems to have grown since the last time she had seen it, she is pleased to know it has not changed much in over a year's time.
Calling out for James, Y/n pulls Luna to a halt. He follows suit, circling around to stand next to her, leg brushing against hers. Windswept hair blows into her face, covering her eyes, the blue-eyed man leans across his horse, tender fingers brush the strands out of her face, tucking them behind her ear.
“What is on your mind, M’Lady?” A gust of wind blows through them, making the trees sway, as if they were dancing to a song only they knew. His hand slides down from her face, leaving them to rest atop her hands. The look in her eyes and the flash of her smile is one he knows all too well. He mirrors her smile, with a squeeze of his leg and a slight pull of the reign, he urges Apollo to turn around, the horse whinnies from underneath him.
“Whenever you are ready, my love.” She readies herself, eyes trained on the hill in front of them. In one swift movement, she urges Luna to move, to run towards the Oaktree. Adrenaline and freedom surge through her veins, feelings she had nearly forgotten about. The last time she had raced was with James, she missed the way it made her feel, the freedom it gave her. She missed the wind whipping through her hair and the chill of the wind against her face.
She realizes at that moment that she began to grow accustomed to living in James’ Kingdom, her kingdom. The need to escape, to run away from her royal duties, they have left her. The desire for independence, liberation from being a queen, she does not care about such things anymore. Because now, she has found someone who makes palace life bearable. She has someone who understands her wishes, yet encourages her to continue down her path, no matter the trials that come their way. If at some point any of that were to fail her, if his love and encouragement were not enough for her any longer, she knows that he would run away if she were to request it. No questions asked.
James rides ahead of her, but with a squeeze of her leg, she prompts Luna to go faster. Seconds before they reach the tree, Y/n races in front of him, beating her husband.
“I do believe that makes us three to six.” she declares, recalling their previous races. James gasps, handheld on his heart in offense as he stops a few feet away from where she sits on Luna.
“I beg to differ.” He debates, his mind runs back to their race, there is no doubt he had five wins, she had three. Eyes trained on her as he dismounts, leaving Apollo to eat from a patch of grass, he walks over, handheld out for her to take if she desires. Her touch is warm against his cold skin when she accepts his assistance.
From inside the saddle pouch, Y/n pulls out a large blanket, the same one James had used the night she fell asleep on his shoulder. She had soon realized that was the first time she had allowed herself to trust someone, at least to the point of falling asleep on them. Letting her go for a moment, he spreads the green blanket onto the ground, over a dry patch of grass.
Under the protection of the large branches, they sit on that silent hill where their story began. Y/n tucked safely between James' strong arms, he holds onto her as if the breeze were enough to rip her out of his embrace. They watch, eyes trained on the distant skyline, as the sun hangs over the trees. Colors of ice blue and dusty red paint a beautiful portrait only nature could create.
Another wind blows and she sinks deeper into his embrace, he wraps himself tighter around her, protecting her from winter's bite. "I love you, M'Lady." he whispers against her neck, a shiver runs down her spine at the sensation.
"I love you, Buck." she whispers back as he litters her neck with soft kisses. It is there, in that place of solitude and isolation where they find their peace. It is atop the hill where they first discovered love, where they realized they were two lonely souls seeing affection rather than freedom. It is underneath the Oaktree where they found they were simply two hearts in secret, waiting to be discovered by the other.
______
Part Five
#hearts in secret fanfic#his fanfic#rae writes#king!bucky barnes x princess!reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#king!bucky#princess!reader#royal!au#marvel fanfic#bucky barnes fanfic
144 notes
·
View notes
Note
My beloved! I do not know if you watched the recent lore stream ( if you haven't please! Watch it before answering my ask! ) I was wondering if you could do something with eret and foolish where instead of foolish dying it's the reader? And the reader is on her last life after she died from badboyhalo? Just some angst ( please I wanna cry out my feelings after this stream omg- and plus your my favorite writer so yea :p)
Have an amazing day! <3
-Moosh
BELOVED! EEEEEEE I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE ERET FOR SOOOOO LOOOOONG YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I'm just going to make it an Eret x Reader because I don't know Foolish's character too well if that's okay?
(ALso, you will make me cry from all these compliments, please ;^;)
I actually am adding onto this because I want to make a hybrid reader for once, hope you don't mind! ^^
SPOILERS FOR THE RED BANQUET AND MULTIPLE PRONOUNS USED FOR ERET
My Monarch (C!Eret x GN!Butterfly Hyrbid!Reader)
You giggled softly, your beautiful paper-thin wings flitting behind you as you hopped around Eret's room while he got his newly tailored red cloak chained together, "My goodness, monarch, you're going to waste up all your energy before the party even begins!" He laughed at your reddened cheeks while he put his crown on top of his neatly styled hair, putting his sunglasses on shortly after, "How do I look?"
"Like a true queen!" You chirped, adjusting your outfit in the mirror beside your lover before frowning and taking the glasses away from her, "Ah, ah, nope. If I'm having my wings out of my cloak, you aren't wearing your sunglasses, darling, we've been over this."
The royal huffed and gave a small pout but didn't argue much on the matter, as they did, in fact, practically beg you to keep your wings out for display for the banquet. With a small chuckle, they reached over and picked up your crown that was decorated with rainbows of jewels, placing it on your styled (h/l) (h/c) hair, being mindful of your antennae, "There... There's my monarch."
You blushed slightly at the nickname and gave a small giggle as you took his hand, "Come on, let's get going, Bad will get impatient if we're late." Eret gave a nod with a smile, leading you towards the door and out of his castle.
The two of you were happily chatting with each other as you travelled to the stairway that led underground, happily saying hellos to your 'mama' Puffy, who gave you typical motherly affection, ie: smooshing your cheeks as she gave you a light headbutt while calling you every motherly compliment in the book, and anyone else that was also invited to the Banquet. When you arrived, you took a sharp breath as you saw the room filled with red vines crawling and writhing everywhere, it sickened you... But, this was about Bad apologizing, and you supposed that you could put your discomfort off to the side for just a little bit.
Eret, being the gentleman she was, pulled out your chair for you and gestured for you to sit down, smiling softly as you gave her a kiss on the cheek and sat down in the chair. She pushed you in and sat in the chair to your left, Puffy on your right, gently taking your hand once she was tucked into the table.
You were so anxious that you could barely focus on the speech Bad was giving, until your ears and antennae picked up the sound and scent of running lava which successfully shook you out of your thoughts, but before you could mention anything to Eret, you heard a chuckle.
"Now, prepare to die."
There was a chorus of gasps that tore from everyone's mouths as the sound of lava got louder. You lifted your head from staring at the red soup in the bowl in front of you and looked around in horror as you saw lava blocking the exits. You felt Eret tighten their grip on your hand, but by then your heart was already racing in fear and your wings were shifting around nervously.
"Oh my god!"
"We've been walled in!"
"After all that?!"
Bad tossed his empty glass bottle to the side, causing it to shatter on the ground below and get greedily grabbed at by the red vines, "Well uh, that's right."
"Bad, what about turning over this leaf?!" Captain Puffy snapped, slamming her mostly empty bottle of water down on the table as she stood up.
The nine-foot-tall demon seemed to nonchalantly brush off her outburst and shook his head lamely, "No, the leaf is staying the way it is." He sat up properly in his chair and rested his elbows on the warped wooden table to hold his chin in his hands.
"Is... There any way out?" You asked aloud, quickly spinning around, looking for any gap that you could possibly fly through. Eret quickly wrapped his arm around you, his white eyes wide with slight hints of fear that he was used to hiding with his glasses.
"No! There's literally no way out!" Fundy cried out, restlessly shuffling and running around, trying to find anything everyone could use to escape.
HBomb gave a small shriek of pain as he burned his hand on the lava, "It is real lava! It is real lava!" He gasped out as Puffy quickly made him shove his hand into the bowl of beat soup. Bad calmly walked over and gave him a glimmering gold apple with a sickly sweet smile.
"You should try not to die yet, HBomb." He chuckled softly as he returned to his seat once the man eagerly bit into the potion soaked fruit, desperate to get rid of the burning sensation.
Puffy took a few deep breaths and held out her arms, trying to get everyone to stop freaking out completely, "We're fine, we're fine, we're fine! I- I didn't trust you, Bad, I didn't trust you at all. I didn't trust Antfrost. I knew! I knew something was up, it's unfortunate to say I can't trust either one of you... Because... I planned this..."
She eagerly ripped off the red silken table cloth to reveal a chest buried in the table, spilling drinks and soup everywhere for the vines to eagerly writhe towards, "Oh?! What?!" Bad gasped, his mouth parting in shock... Before it fell bad into a devious smile as Puffy gave a cry of confusion, finding the chest completely empty, "Oh? Were you... Looking for this, perchance?"
Bad equipped diamond enchanted armour and held up an enchanted diamond sword that glimmered in the light of the lava, Ant, Ponk... And Hannah... Doing the same, "Sorry Puffy. I had to do it..." Hannah Rose walked over and sat in the empty seat on Bad's left.
"Do... What, Hannah? Why?!" The Ram hybrid whispered in horror.
"I had to tell them." She responded simply, blinking a few times as her eyes went from a forest coloured green to redder than the colour of the egg's vines slithering around your ankles, "The egg..."
Biting back a sob, you looked at Hannah, "You were with them the whole time...?"
Sam stood completely still, looking at the girl sadly, "You... Told them, Hannah?" The warden murmured.
"I had to." She glanced at Bad with a small grin before looking back at her former friends, including you, "It was the only way."
"I'm sorry," Bad started, sounding almost completely genuine, if it wasn't for the crooked smile he was wearing, "I'm sorry Sam, I'm sorry Puffy. But, time to get on to the main event!"
The creeper hybrid held up his hand, pointing one finger to the ceiling to silently tell the Eggpire to hold on for just a moment, "Well... That is, tragic, that you told them about our plans for the armour, but..." You could tell Sam grinned behind his mask as his green eyes gave a few sparks of smugness, "Something, you should know. I had another plan. Because I didn't trust you."
"...What do you mean 'another plan'?" Bad pointed his loaded crossbow at the warden, eyes narrowing into a glare.
"Well," He pulled a remote out of his pocket and scanned it in mock curiosity, "I think, that we all can agree, that this has gone on long enough now. I'm tired of all this fighting. So I say we just blow the egg up. For good, this time, with an amount of TNT that it can't survive... So I hid a trap..."
'Of course... The creeper hybrid is using TNT...' You thought with a small smile, trying to distract yourself from the heartstopping fear overwhelming your body at the moment as Bad stuttered in surprise.
"A trap?! Wait, what do you mean!?" the demon growled as Sam got up and walked slightly closer to the egg, digging his thumb into the button on the remote he held.
"We did something even you couldn't prepare for!" Puffy shouted as TNT began to rain out of a small gap in the ceiling.
Eret, worrying for your safety and how the sounds or smell of gunpowder would affect your hypersensitive senses, pulled you close and she wrapped you in her cloak. You desperately grasped at the fabric of her red dress as she covered your ears in an attempt to make the loud booms easier for your insect senses to handle.
By the time it stopped and Eret let you go, there were shocked gasps and the egg... Had... Turned to crying obsidian? "You guys-" Bad had to take a breath through his maniacal laughter to wipe a tear, "You really thought you could defeat the egg? With TNT? After Quackity tried that, we took proper... Preparations. And we made it so that we wouldn't have to worry about TNT anymore, thank you very much!"
"I think you mean precautions..." You murmured quietly, curling in on yourself and hiding behind Eret slightly when you saw soulless white eyes glare in your directions.
"Shut up, (Y/n)." He huffed, and Eret had to physically stop Puffy from storming over and fighting the man in diamond armour with her bare hands, "Now, would you all please kindly make your way over here... We can begin the summary executions."
Shock flooded through your veins at how eagerly Bad hopped out of his chair them walked over to where the Egg, the crying obsidian fading away, and standing on a platform. There was a chorus of shocked cries and just cries in general as Bad waved his crossbow around, "What about the speeches man?!" Fundy growled, glaring at Bad as he tried to get you all to leave the table.
"Oh, that was all just to lull you into a false sense of security!" He responded with another crooked smile and a 'duh' tone, "You see, the egg needs something, and it's gonna get it from each of you. See, in order for the egg to hatch, it needs energy, and it gets that energy from people dying near it! And that's the role that you guys are gonna fill! We are gonna kill you one by one..."
"You're a monster..." Eret mumbled under their breath, holding your hand tightly, able to feel your racing heart from the pulse in your wrist. This had gone on long enough, sure, destroying everything on the server was one thing, but threatening not only their life, not only their friends' lives, but their lover's life as well! You only had two more before you were gone from this world forever... And by whatever gods were listening, they swore that they were going to protect those final two, even at the risk of their own life.
Bad turned his head, his twisted smile faltering slightly, "What was that, Eret? What did you say?" He leaned closer mockingly, to see if Eret really had the guts to repeat what was just said.
"You're an absolute monster," Eret repeated with a slight growl to his voice this time, taking a step closer to the corrupted man as a threat and also effectively blocking you from Bad's gaze, "How could you? We all trusted you, Bad."
"Trust?!" Ant spoke up for the first time that night, grinning almost like a Cheshire cat, "Okay, Eret... Keep talking. Keep talking about trust."
Sucking a breath through your gritted teeth, you cringed as Ant retorted with a verbal dagger, one he knew would hurt Eret deeply, and hurt her it did, "That was a long time ago!" You snapped immediately, stepping forwards to defend her which definitely caught everyone off guard. You were NOT about to let some egg puppets trash talk your lover, "She's changed!"
"You know what..." Bad hummed, almost comically tapping his finger to his lip before pointing at Eret, "I think, Eret, you would be a perfect person... To sacrifice first!"
Giving a cry of horror, you felt the red vines react to Bad's words and grab you and Eret, successfully yanking you away from each other despite your cries and struggles of protests. The large vines picked Eret up and brought them to the execution platform that Bad was standing on. The entire time, you were trying to run over to grab them, but the vines kept creating a wall and pushing you back, "No! No, no, no!" You screamed desperately, trying to reach out to the crown-wearing lover that was now being held on the platform by the very vines that were holding you back.
"Does anyone have anything?!" Foolish cried, quickly patting his pockets and looking around for anything, anything at all, to use as a weapon.
"I- We have no weapons!"
"No one has anything?! We literally can't do anything about this!"
Bad only chuckled, seeming to find amusement in everyone's distress, "Excellent, excellent, I really appreciate you guys following the directive and not bringing any weapons. That's very courteous of you." He turned towards Eret with his readied crossbow, gleefully ignoring your cries.
"We trusted you!" You yelled, throwing a useless punch at the wall of vines that blocked your way again, everyone roaring at the Eggpire in agreement with your statement.
"Well that was your first mistake," He chided in almost a playful manner, "Did you really think we were just going to stop trying to spread the egg's influence over the server, just because a couple people got mad at the vines? Like, come on. That's been the objective all along. It's been to hatch the egg. The egg wants power, and it's gonna get it."
His finger lightly began tapping at the trigger of his crossbow that had the bolt pointing to your lover's head, which caused a sob to escape past your lips as you finally had enough and finally flew into the air, expertly weaving past the red vines that tried to grab you out of the air. Quickly, you swooped down and reached out for Eret, but you felt something fly past your ear... Then suddenly, the king gave a cry of his own and you felt your flying balance get thrown off, causing you to begin to plummet towards the ground.
The horrified shrieks of your lover, mother figure and your friends rang through your ears as you quickly plummeted towards the earth as a result of gravity, only to be suddenly halted in mid-air which caused your crown to fall to the ground, completely wrapped in vines that clearly didn't care how badly they were bending your wings. You whined in pain at the tight grip, and looked over at your beloved butterfly features, only to give a sob of pain as you saw a large tear had sliced through your right (f/c) wing... "You... You bastard..." You hissed at the demon who came over and reloaded another bolt into his crossbow.
"You know, I think I like your energy more than your lover's." He cupped your chin in an almost loving fashion, causing Eret to immediately lash out and begin barking insults as well as threats. Unfortunately, her violence was ignored as the vines picked her up again, "Your unwavering loyalty, your love, your fierceness despite how fragile you are..."
"Get your hands away from them!" Puffy yelled, she and Foolish going to run to help you, but they were blocked off by the vines in the same way you once were, "For fucks sake Bad! Leave my child alone! They were just defending Eret, you know, their lover?!"
Bad only hummed as the vines lamely tossed Eret to the crowd of people, but thankfully he was caught by Foolish and Sam instead of hitting the ground but his crown hit the ground close to yours, breaking most of the rainbow coloured gems off, "I'm quite aware of their relationship, thank you, Puffy." He stepped back and the vines threw you to the ground on the execution platform, causing you to bounce off the nether bricks harshly before finally rolling into the centre.
Your head was spinning and your sight was blurry, but you still managed to hear the screams of terror from your friends, the begging from Puffy for Bad to leave you alone, and the sobs leaving Eret's throat as they cried out for you, "Monarch... (Y/N)!" They screamed, trying to run to you as well, but unsurprisingly they were held back as well.
It... was funny... You wanted to go to this party so badly... You begged Eret to come to this party, you spent weeks picking out your outfit... You were so excited...
And now here you were... Flightless and beyond concussed...
About to die...
"I love you..." You managed to whisper to Eret before Ant rose his enchanted sword... Then quickly lowering it, piercing through your chest...
"(Y/N)! NO!"
(Y/n) (L/n) was slain by Antfrost. Lives 1/3
#eret x reader#the eret x reader#c!eret#eret dreamsmp#eret dream smp#dsmp x reader#mcyt x reader#the red banquet#the eggpire#eret mcyt#the eret#the eret mcyt#captain puffy#captain puffy mcyt#c!puffy#awesamdude#c!sam#awesamedude mcyt#hannahxxrose#badbodyhalo#badbodyhalo mcyt#c!bad#foolish dsmp#sam dsmp#puffy dsmp#dream smp#mcyt
421 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓪.
𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚 𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠 | ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤
⇴ male reader [25, Vigilantes, quirkless]
⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+
↳ request: Add on to the ask my bad! {Vigilante reader instead of hero-: When hawks found out he was expecting a baby he immediately kept it a secret from the reader and his friends. Since he doesn't want the hero commission/the public to catch wind of it cause it'll put both of their lives at risk also the public wouldn't be happy to know that their hero is in a relationship with someone who isn't a female- {{Angst!- The hero commission isn't supportive of hawks love life and unborn child_ if they found out about it, they'll probably blackmail the reader into doing their dirty work in exchange for hawks life.) But,, he soon tells the reader after being confronted about his change of behavior and appearance. About 3-4 months into the pregnancy. Time skip to where the kid is born- happy ending🤙🏾
↣ rating: general audiences
↣ warnings: mpreg, size / height difference, lil’ bit of angst with happy ending, discussion of abortion
｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡
“No… No, no, no. Fuck!”, he cursed quietly.
Staring in disbelief at the little plastic strip, he put it besides two others. All three of them were positive. There was no doubt. Hawks was… pregnant.
Falling back onto the closed toilet seat, he sighed deeply as tears welled up in his eyes. Keigo wasn’t one to cry easily, but right now everything broke apart. How would everyone react? How would the HPSC react? How would you react? Right now, it seemed like his past was catching up to him, what if everything turned out the same? What if history repeated itself? Would his unborn child have to endure so much as well? Wouldn’t it be better, if it was never born-
“Keigo?”, your voice made him snap out of his dark thoughts.
“[Your.name]?”, hastily wiping his tears and pushing the pregnancy tests into the trash, he tried his best to sound calm.
“So you’re here! I was worried, Kei! You ignored my calls.”, when he came out, you stood there leaning against the wall, a worried expression on your face.
“Ah, no. I was just busy, you know? HPSC needed me again today.”, Kei tried his best to lie and put on his best fake smile.
But you still found it suspicious.
“Are you okay, Baby?”, taking a step towards him, your big hand cupped his cheek and your thumb gently wiped over his red, swollen undereye.
Had he been crying? Keigo? That’s rare.
“I am fine, [Your.name], I am fine. What about you though?”, he kept smiling when he pushed away your hand and walked past you into the kitchen.
“I haven’t heard from you in a while, too, ya know?”
“Ah…”, was the only sound you made as you shyly scratched your neck.
“That’s true. I’m sorry if I worried you, Kei. It’s just… I had to hide for a few days. The police were especially pesky and I couldn’t risk being caught.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.”, he waved aside, “It’s not like I was worried. I know you can handle yourself just fine.”
This was the last thing you thought you would hear from him, leaving you confused and maybe a little… hurt? Sure, you chose to be a Vigilantes and go out at night to take care of some things your own, but to think your boyfriend wasn’t even worried about you while doing so? Maybe he really did despise what you did and he just never said so out loud. Until now, he had never commented on the illegal things you did, because ultimately, you never destroyed anything and just helped the less unfortunate people, but maybe…
After all, you worried about him constantly and he was a licensed pro-hero, still – many things could happen. Like that, you had a weird feeling that Hawks was not fine at all despite him claiming he was.
And while normally, your little reunion would have been much different, Kei just couldn’t think about anything at that point. All he was thinking about was the baby growing inside of him and what he should do about it…
-
As weeks went by, you noticed Hawks was changing. His excuse of being “bloated” was weird and got old quickly. Furthermore had your relationship taken a big hit. Few kisses and almost no touching. It almost seemed like he was uncomfortable constantly. You wondered what it all was about. Was it just over? Did your relationship just slip right through your fingers and you couldn’t do anything about it?
Usually, when you were both home, the apartment was filled with dumb laughter. It was so nice being around you, but all Keigo was in the past few weeks was anxious, quiet and easily agitated. His home was his safe place, it’s where he could forget everything and relax. Not think about his work, about the HPSC, but with your child growing consistently, it was harder and harder to relax. In just a few weeks, someone who had a keen eye could probably tell that he wasn’t “bloated” anymore. Instead, he didn’t know what to do anymore.
-
Then, one day, it must have been around the fourth month of his pregnancy, someone rang the doorbell in the middle of the night. First, Keigo wanted to ignore it, however, as they kept ringing, a thought popped into his head. He hadn’t seen you in about a week, which wasn’t unusual per se as you had to hide from time to time, but for you to not contact him at all was a little… odd. Were you in trouble? Did they find about your connection to him?
Hence, with his own feather in his hand, he was ready to defend himself as he made his way to the door. The rain was drumming against the windows mercilessly. Perfect distraction if someone wanted to raid him.
Though, when he swung open the door, ready to cut anyone and anything, it all came differently. A large body was leaning against the side of the door.
“[Your.name]!”, his golden eyes widened as your own [eye.color] ones looked quite lifeless.
Before Hawks could do anything, you couldn’t hold yourself upright anymore, thus falling through the opened door. Quickly reacting, he caught you, but being so much smaller than you, his feathers had to help lift you and get you inside his apartment. Only then, when he pulled his hands back did he realize what was on his hands and what he had thought to be water, was actually blood.
His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Rushing to your side, he literally ripped open your black coat and what was underneath, revealing a gaping wound on your side.
“Kei…”, you suddenly croaked, trying to reach out your hand, which he immediately grabbed and squeezed tightly.
“Don’t talk, [Your.name]! Everything will be alright, okay?!”, he visibly panicked.
He could hide his feelings very well. At least usually. But not this time. Maybe it was because he was hormonal due to the pregnancy, but just the thought of losing you made him cry. Hastily standing back up, he rushed into the bathroom to grab some towels and into the bedroom to get his phone.
“I… I didn’t know… where else to go… Kei…”, you coughed up a bit of blood, even though he had told you to not talk anymore.
“I know, I know. It’s okay, Baby.”, hugging you against his chest, all he could do was sob, “Everything will be alright, okay?!”
--
With a thumping heart, Hawks stood in front of the door for a few moments, before he knocked and entered eventually.
“Oh! Kei!”, you were just eating your pudding.
“[Your.name]!”, without holding back, he rushed towards your bed and jumped you.
However, hearing your painful whimper due to the ecstatic hug, he immediately pulled back with a small “I’m sorry.”
You, however, just shook your head and put the pudding and spoon away before gesturing him to come closer again.
“No, it’s okay, come here.”, you said with a soft smile as you pulled him in again.
Keigo just following your movement, scooching closer and in the end, hugging you again when you wrapped your own bandaged arms around him. You were so much more beat up than he initially thought…
“Thank you for saving me, Baby. I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You did!”, sitting back up, his golden eyes were shimmering, “I was so worried about you.”
“Ehh? Didn’t you say you weren’t worried about me a few months ago?”, you just teased him, but Keigo was hormonal and highly stressed, so he reacted way too violently when tears welled up in his eyes.
“I know… But you know I like to talk big sometimes.”, he sniffled.
Quickly, you reached out to softly cup his face and wipe away the tears.
“I know. Hey… Kei. Tell me what’s going on, hm?”
“Huh?”, his golden eyes widened a bit as he stared at you.
“Baby… I know something’s going on. Things haven’t been normal lately and you act different, too. Tell me, if it’s something I did, I can change. I will do anything, but please be honest with me already… Last night, I thought, that’s it. I thought I’d die with things being so weird between us. It was horrible to think about it…”
Looking around for a moment, you were the only one in this room and even if it wasn’t the best location to finally say it out loud, Keigo just couldn’t continue to lie. He had wanted to get an abortion three times and canceled every time because he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Clearly, he wanted this baby. And he wanted you to know, it was just all so… complicated.
“Kei…”, you squeezed his hand one more time.
“Okay…”, sitting down on the bed properly, his other hand reached out as well, needing every bit of comfort and support he could get.
“I…”, biting his lip, he hesitated for a moment before looking up and straight into your eyes, “I am pregnant.”
Your eyes widened and for a second, you just stared at him in disbelief.
“Wait… you…? Really?”
“Yeah…”
“Oh my God… that explains a lot.”, you kind of laughed while shaking your head, but then you realized something.
“Wait… How long...?”
“17th week… Do you not understand, [Your.name]? I am pregnant.”
“Yes, I understand quite well and I think that’s amazing.”, you squeezed his hands again, a big smile on your lips.
“No, no! You don’t get it, [Your.name]!”, Hawks then suddenly stood up, “This is not amazing. Do you know what that means?”, he sighed and rubbed his eyes.
“Kei…”
“We are fucked, [Your.name]. Do you know what happens when the HPSC or the public finds out? Let alone who the father is? What if… What if our baby has to endure everything I had to endure? What if… I become like them? Or what if the HPSC finds out and takes them away from us?”, his voice broke a little at the end, just imagining it…
“Keigo, hey.”, you turned around and placed your feet onto the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, hence why you could take his hands again and pull him closer.
“You will never become like them.”, you cupped his face, gently wiping the tears away from the corner of his eyes.
“And, Kei, you already made a decision, no? You want to keep the baby – our baby – right? It’s already the fourth month…”
“I do… But… I don’t know what I should do. I am not myself, [Your.name]. I keep crying over stupid things, I can't concentrate when I’m doing my work and I am always scared someone finds out.”, eventually, you pulled him onto your lap, though he was careful not to hurt your side.
“I know you’re scared, Baby. I am too, but we can do it. Together. I will be with you every step. I will protect you.”
“[Your.name]…”, wrapping his arms around you, he buried his face in the nook of your neck, his small frame shaking.
“It’s okay. I’m here, Kei. And I won’t go, ever. We will do it together. And I promise… I promise I will stop going out during the night.”, you whispered this promise into his ear, earning his small sniffles as he clung to you.
“Our baby doesn’t have to grow up in isolation because of my recklessness. I will become a good father. They will have a great life, okay, Kei? We can do it. Whatever the HPSC throws at us, we will deal with it, together. I promise they won’t grow up like you had to.”
The last thing surely broke him as Hawks barely whispered a “Mhm.” back. But at the same time he was smiling, so grateful he was finally able to let you know as the last few months were really straining.
---
“I wish you were never born! You are a nuisance! You keep me from being free!”
“Why did I not get an abortion? Why did I do this to myself? You good for nothing!”
“-go! -igo! Keigo!”, his golden eyes opened at last.
Breathing heavily and with beads of sweat running down his temple, Hawks stared at you for a moment. Still not really sure what just happened the realization sank in little by little. A dream.
“[Your.name]…”
“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay now.”, you whispered and gently kissed him, before hugging him tightly.
Melting into your arms instantly, he buried his face at your chest as one hand reached down to his growing belly. He would probably pop soon.
“It’s weird… I haven’t thought or dreamt about them in over ten years and now… ever since I found out I’m pregnant… I …”, he mumbled more than anything, glad you were there to hold him.
“I know.”, was the only thing you whispered back while gently caressing his back.
When the HPSC trained him, he forgot, or rather suppressed most of his abusive and traumatic childhood. Maybe it was because he worried so much about your little baby that it all came crashing down on him eventually. But he would never become like them.
“Oh-“, both of you felt a little kick, making you giggle.
“Seems like our little baby girl wants to cheer you up as well.”, you whispered and nuzzled his head with your own while your hand reached out to his belly as well, softly caressing it.
“Seems like it.”, Keigo finally smiled a little.
“We will protect her.”, he quietly said after stealing a soft kiss from you.
“We will. And hey, the public took it really well when we outed us. The HPSC can’t do shit to hurt us anymore.”
“Yeah, I know. Thank God.”, cupping your cheek, Kei pulled you down again, before whispering against your lips, “Thank you.”
“Mhmh, for what?”, you chuckled and kissed him again, making him also giggle.
“Just… for everything. I love you, [Your.name].”
Smiling softly at him, you pecked his lips again and whispered an, “I love you too.”
For a few moments, it was quiet as you just cuddled and tried to calm down the excited little girl who was kicking and punching Hawks.
“Say… how do you feel, though? You haven’t been out in-“, but another kiss stopped him from continuing.
“I am perfectly fine, Shortcake. It… was hard, but it was the right decision. You are more important than anything or anyone else, and now with our little nugget growing… what we have is just so much more important to me than vigilante justice.”
The smile that spread across his face was truly warming your heart. It was the right decision and you wouldn’t regret it. You knew how hard his childhood was and you didn’t want that for your baby girl. She should be able to proudly say who her parents were and for that reason, you couldn’t continue your former lifestyle.
After sharing a few more kisses, Hawks then asked for cuddles, which you happily agreed to. Hence letting him shift positions and turn around, careful not to hit you with his wings, he hugged his pregnancy pillow. And then, you slipped your own arms around him, hugging him carefully and littering small kisses onto his neck.
He was so small in your arms, but that’s what he had loved from day one on. Keigo felt protected and loved when he was in your arms.
--
Calling out for you, Keigo carried the groceries into the kitchen, just to bite his lip instantly when he saw you laying on the sofa. Your little baby girl sprawled out on top of your broad chest, sleeping. Once Hawks came a little closer, he realized you were sleeping as well, thus with a soft smile he just kneeled down in front of the sofa.
“What would I do without you, [Your.name]? You two are seriously the light of my life.”, he thought with a big smile on his lips.
To think he was so incredibly sad when he found out, he couldn’t be more happier now. Everything turned out alright after all, just like you said. Leaning in, Hawks gently kissed his baby girl’s forehead before standing up again, leaving you and Tsubasa alone – at least that was his intention.
However, a soft tug on his clothes made him stop. And a glance back made him smile and turn once more, following your movement and laying down beside you, softly tucked under your arm, just where he belonged.
There were no words needed as you softly kissed him before your head fell back into the pillow. Your arm securely holding him and Tsubasa and just like that, you were able to hold the whole world in your arms.
And it certainly wasn’t any different for Keigo.
｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡
@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works
⇻ salem.talks: I think I repeat myself every time I write for him but… KEIGO IS SO TINY ovo probably cuz I absolutely adore the EndHawk ship and their size difference gives me life? so I cannot help but make it happen when I write x reader with kei. like I can just dream of being as tall and buff as endeavor lmao but yeah this was nice I love preggo hawks!
#salemswriting.#hawks#takami keigo#hawks x reader#hawks x male reader#bnha x male reader#bottom hawks#pregnant hawks#mpreg#bnha x reader
375 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
wwwtwitercom
what will be will be
shatterverse-prime
sonic help i'm lost in the void
auercbdsblog
AEUR CBD
emina15966emina
DOKA_OVO
mortallyelegantstrawberry
Untitled