#i am a hater i truly am a hater at heart but shes a white woman and so idgaf
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March CarvRhos Ficlet: Almost Kiss
|| FFXIV || Rated T ||(1/??)
Prompts Found Here!
The first of (hopefully) many CarvRhos ficlets! I hope to release as many as I can during the month of March. Each will be under 1000 words, and I’ll post them to Ao3 when the month is over. Enjoy!
“Stop it.”
“Stop what?” His voice is rough, with an edge she’s never heard before… from him, at least. He laughed low in his throat, the sound settling deep in the cradle of her thighs. “What exactly do you think this is?”
“I… I don’t—” She can’t look him in the eye, too afraid of being trapped somewhere between her rationality and the subtle way his lips are parted, a clear invitation if there ever was. It’s easier to focus on his chest, lean muscle disappearing between the folds of his shirt. Her mouth watered at the thought of leaning forward and tasting him there, one finger tugging at the neatly laced front until she could kiss the salt from his skin. The breath caught in her lungs as she imagined it, fighting to break free lest she suffocate where she stood.
“Come now, my dear.” The smooth plaster of the wall met her spine, one hand bracing her hip as he loomed ever closer. “We both know you could stop this, if that’s what you truly wanted.” His hand rose to trace her ribcage, never straying too far and yet mere ilms from cupping her breast through the thin fabric of her blouse. The desperate need to arch into his touch practically burned in her veins, and yet she would rather die than give him the satisfaction of a genuine response. She fought to remain perfectly still, hands clenched into fists behind her back.
“S-Shut up.”
“Am I wrong? Call for reinforcements,” he practically whispered, leaning down until they were eye to eye. “Struggle against me, or—better yet—draw your weapon.” The holster seemed to burn at hole at her hip. “Nothing is stopping you from fighting back. Or could this perhaps be something you secretly desire?” Pale blue eyes swept from nose to chin to collarbone, teasing her silently as they mapped the fierce blush setting her skin alight.
“Who’s talking o’ desires!? I ain’t the one wastin’ time by—by—” Her insult sputtered into silence as rough knuckles caressed her cheekbone, trailing down to cup her jaw with a leather-clad palm. She shivered despite herself, worrying her lower lip between her teeth before trying to nudge him aside with an unruly jerk of her shoulder. “Y-Ye must have a death wish,” she scoffed… or tried to, in any case.
To her immense embarrassment, her voice quivered with the timid mewl of a maiden in the first blush of youth. Her, a woman grown! A merciless corsair! Reduced to this, and by what? A tight-laced, swiving whoreson of a fop with more baubles than brains! Could ye be any more pathetic?!
“Look at me.” Unwilling to concede any further, she purposefully averted her eyes with a scowl. “Damnit, Rhoswen—” For all his mockery, his tone could have easily been mistaken as pleading. “For once in your life, can you not be so godsdamned stubborn?” The calloused pad of his thumb tugged at her skin, tracing the outermost edge of the white tattoo at her brow. She lifted her hand, fully intending to push him away, but ended up grasping his wrist in a sort of halfhearted stalemate.
“Look at me,” he insisted, and she found herself obeying without thought. His eyes fell to her lips, lingering there a moment before rising to meet her wary gaze. Gods, she swore, heart pounding in her ears, the bastard’s going to kiss me. Carvallain, known hater of the unrefined, the unpolished, the imperfect, was about to kiss her.
And worse, she was about to let him.
Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned in, rooted in place like one of the broken pillars littering the cliffside ruins of Nym. Fingers tipped her chin higher and she quailed inwardly, torn between thoughts of escape and surrender. There’s no going back from this—
Warm breath tickled her skin—not on her cheeks, as she expected, but on the exposed column of her throat. She froze, lips parting in silent query, only to gasp aloud as his teeth found the sensitive skin above her jugular. He bit down gently, just enough to worry the skin without bruising, and she couldn’t help but melt against the wall with a smothered sigh of pleasure. His answering smile was triumphant, victorious in the face of a hard won battle.
“Delicious,” he purred, nibbling his way up to her ear. “I wonder if you’d taste even sweeter elsewhere.”
“Oh, fuck off.”
#ffxiv#Final Fantasy 14#Final Fantasy XIV#CarvRhos#Carvallain de Gorgagne#Rhoswen Leach#my writing#I hope to keep these short and sweet#it's mostly practice but i did have a lot of ideas when I saw the prompt list last month so....#MarchoftheTropes
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The Scottish Love Scheme
* Is this about to be another movie where a person is very much and obviously American but I’m meant to believe they are from somewhere else
* So her mom’s is def dying, right?
* Ten bucks that’s why they break up in the third act
* Divorcee who isn’t pissed at her ex? Hate it. I like having an ex to hate
* Her mom isn’t good at keeping people from knowing she’s dead
* I had to turn on the subtitles
* What am I meant to believe this relationship is? Childhood friends? If so, I must ask once again: why does she sound American?!?
* I love old people. Just living life.
* Another dog!
* This conundrum being a marketing issue is funny.
* I’m sure promising honesty and transparency won’t blow up in either of their faces.
* Not he forgot to sign the rugby tryouts slip!!! He tryna ruin this boy’s life!
* A pair of meddling moms? Love it.
* Ahhh. So the moms are the schemers
* Where is this third brother?
* Also, why does he think Lily knows her mom is dying? do men not listen to anything they hear?
* We stan emotionally intelligent Scottish men!
* Ah yes…the random gay brother. A cherished hallmark staple.
* These moms are funny. If I was dying I would ALSO be in everyone’s business
* Naughty fun?! In this economy?!
* Oh she wearing the fuck outta that dress
* A brewer who doesn’t drink? Fascinating
* Maiden, mother, and crone? I’m the crone for sure.
* They’re not doing a great job reminding us that these two people know each other
* God, I wanna be old meddling white woman. They are living life exactly as they should be.
* What a bunch hater ass Europeans. These people won’t let this poor lady cheer?! This baby is playing his heart out!!
* “Delicious accent” alright…yall doing a lot.
* “Enjoy the company of a good man” is the kind of shit I would say if I was dying.
* If her mother dies on this trip I’m calling hallmark in the morning
* “You deserve to be spoiled.” C’mon sir!!!
* Oh, so now you can cheer?! A bunch of haters
* my heart strings? consider them pulled
* I understand every third word this kid says. And I’m West Indian
* This movie is just a lady living her best Scottish romance dream. Good for her.
* This man woulda got me caught up. I can’t lie.
* “I’m in awe of you!!!???” This movie gonna end me. I will fucking weep.
* Girl. Spain ain’t going nowhere. Marry this man and stop playing with me.
* “You didn’t say anything?” maam. Maam.
* These people are annoying. Her mama is dying. She gonna know eventually!!
* They legit kept terminal liver cancer from this lady?! Wild.
* This movie is so damn cute. If they show her mother’s funeral imma weep.
* Listen…hallmark spent money on real ACTORS
* A pocket guide to Spanish?! This is too sweet
* Hallmark said “wanna cry for 40 mins?”
* “Whatever you need…I am here…” nah. I love him.
* There is such good romance in a check kiss.
* Taking off the ring? I’m a puddle on the floor
* These Scottish men planning a perfect day for a dying old lady?!? Please kill me here 🥹😫🥹
* “Let me help you build it back up again” yall will make me weep.
* This is too much.
I am crying as I write this. This movie was so damn good. Truly this is the, if not one of the best Hallmark movies I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen hundreds.
9.5/10 - Almost perfect
#hallmark#hallmark movies#the Scottish love scheme#hallmark channel#erica durance#Jordan Young#movies
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idk if you plan on seeing doctor strange 2 or if you already have but as a peggy disliker what they did to her character was ultimately satisfying to me and i just wanted you to know that <3 but all the moments with her talking were just . not fun especially one specific line...
MoM spoilers ahead for anyone who didn’t read the tags but i went to see it in theaters the night it came out because my friend had free tickets and when i tell you i busted out laughing as soon as it happened … was still leaned over whispering about how corny her stealing his iconic line was and them BAM … carolstevekarma is so real. i deserved that. they did that for us.
#multiverse of madness spoilers#has miss margaret never heard of lip liner either bc her lipstick is literally always dry af and smudged LMFAOOO#i am a hater i truly am a hater at heart but shes a white woman and so idgaf#i wish maria had been allowed to survive but 💔#‘i can do this all day’ you were saying?#also on that note it makes 0 sense to me cpt carter was in the illuminati in that universe#bc the other members were mostly mutants or at the very least just non avengers#(bc capt marvel isnt actually an avenger in the mcu franchise)#and they called her the first avenger but if the avengers werent a thing there …. ???? why was she there ?????#it should have been all mutants imo esp w prof x as the head idk it felt useless having her there#and tbh i feel like some of the cameos were just wasted bc they lasted like 2 seconds#anyways#im not a wanda or a dr strange stand so that movie ultimately meant nothing to me outside of wong and america but#i chuckled at her death. i truly did.#DESERVED!#anti peggy carter
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I gathered you read the chapter... how are we feeling, any thoughts you might want to share?
There I was, writing on my journal after a decent day at work when this fucking bomb exploded quite literally on my lap. But fear not I am here and we shall discuss until we can make fucking sense of it. Should I even warn you of the length of this post, or are we all on the same “Luisa can’t synthesise for shit” boat now?
I. Azriel
I will start by saying that this does not make me hate Azriel or stop caring for him and wanting what’s best for him. I still do very much love him. This however does not mean I applaud or get behind how he expressed himself during this specially chapter. For me it was quite disturbing to see how he saw Elain merely as a sexual partner and thought that that translated into love. If he had made the distinction between being physically attracted to her and being in love with her, then I don’t think we would all be feeling like we are. Because it is fair to be sexually attracted to someone but not necessarily in love with them.
From what we saw I think we can gather that Azriel knows Mor is not into him and in his grief from all those years being in love he wants something immediate and there. On top of that he sees his brothers settled and feels like he is owed from the cauldron, so of course he starts seeing Elain as the perfect “solution” to his pain. Now, of course Elain (and no one for that matter) should be seen a solution to anything really. Much less he should jump on that boat and already think of her as his. Az, my sweet, possessiveness is not love.
When I first read the chapter something stood out for me, he said he’s envious of his brothers and the emotional stability they both have, the fact that they were both chosen by the ones they love. We know Az loved Mor with all his heart and although she loves him too, it was not corresponded on the same energy since she is well bisexual homoromantic. He, so far, does not feel chosen in that same sense, which only feeds his insecurity of being unworthy.
In his envy he oversimplified things, he saw what both Rhys and Cassian now have and did the simple most stupid math ever: he went Rhys+Feyre = love, Cass+Nesta = love... hummm then If I’m single and Elain is single then it must mean Az+ Elain = love. (Sugar I love you but that is dumb as fuck). This has the same energy of when you are in high school and you let your friends convince you that you are actually into someone when you are really not, but then you buy into it and start believing in it yourself. In this case he was the one who created that push and convinced himself that it was the right thing.
I think so far we can gather a few things of the place Az is at right now: he is feeling extremely lonely, extremely envious and extremely sad. I do not think this excuses his behavior at fucking all, but at least we know where he is coming from. He is clearly mistaking sexual attraction and possessiveness as love. But I do think it all stems from this turbulent place he is at emotionally, not because he is a bad person.
I do not thing he is a bad person for thinking of Elain as he does, because I truly think this is a set up for the growth he will experience. Is it a good look? honey no. But is it a realistic one? I dare say it is. As I said when I read this I got full on high school bull shit vibes, I thought “ohh I’ve seen this film before and I have lived it”. He is being immature and there is no denying. Which was only confirmed with him regifting that necklace... sugar... that was a dick move, very fucking dickish move -specially since it was alluded that they might have feelings for each other–. My man needs to do some emotional growth because yikes.
II. The Narrative
Now, I have said before that for me, Sarah’s strength lies not so much on her world building or the originality of her works (which is not to say that her worlds suck or her narratives are not interesting and offer something new), but it lies more on her characters. To me she has always excelled at creating characters that do exemplify the range of humanity in its good, its bad, and all that’s in between. Even you can look at stuff that your fave did and go “yeah not cool at fucking all”. At least I know I can and I adore almost every character in this series. I love characters not because they are perfect but because I can either relate to them or because they allow me to understand and experience points of view that are alien to my own experience. Sarah has never made characters black and white. Your faves will make mistakes. Feyre has, Rhysand has, Cassian has, Nesta has, Elain has, Lucien has, Mor has and Az has.
What make her books interesting from this perspective is that she says “characters development does not equal character growth”. Take Chaol for example –if you haven’t read ToG do yourself a favor and read it– his character arc is one of the most interesting and best fulfilled ones in that series because we saw him at his lowest, when we couldn’t empathize exactly and he was being an ass, and then we saw him question his problematic behavior and move past it. Character development means just that: that the character move from point a to point b. It doesn’t mean he will be better by the end, but it means movement. Character growth does mean he will hopefully get to a place where they are “good”.
I think she knows exactly what she is doing with Az and with this teaser. Need I remind you of the chaos the bonus chapter in ACOFAS left this fandom in for a solid two years. This got our emotions high and got us one way or another expecting to see where this will all lead. I don’t think any of us were expecting this chapter when it was announced that Az would get a pov.
III. Conclusion
To conclude I just want to reiterate that I don’t support how he’s is behaving. I think I am accepting how he is behaving. Acceptance however does not meant that I am behind it, it means that I accept it and I am willing to stick around to see him grow out of this and realize why this is all so wrong (because well you know I can’t actively engage with him since he is... you know... fictional). I have had moments like this with some of my closest friends irl with whom we’ve had talks about previous behavior and have had the “be fucking better” talk, which is something that Rhys essentially said (GOD BLESS YOU BOO), and is also a sentiment most of us shared, even Feyre, when Rhys forced Mor to face both of her abusers and then didn’t consult her when selling Velaris off to her dad. And to me that is part of what friendship means, it means being there through the growth.
Everyone has their own limits of what they can understand of a character/person. If this is your own then it’s fine, no harm no foul. If this is what makes you jump ship from Elriel (that’s their ship name right?) then hey all good, I’m sorry for your loss.
I am not an Azriel hater, nor I think I will ever be. At least not from the information I have right now. I do still love him and as I have said before I want to see him happy and with a healthy amount of self confidence (and no Azriel saying you could easily kill Lucien is not the healthy self confidence I am talking about). So if anything I am interested in the arc his character will face, we just caught him at a moral low –which to me still has a solid chance of growth–.
I hope this offer some light or whatever. And remember take it easy, it’s okay to feel things deeply but don’t quit in the middle of the war, we still have his book coming up and I am 100% that will enlighten us more.
ANYWAYS, LONG LIVE ELUCIEN BITCHES.
#jesus fuck that was a long one#Azriel#ACOSF spoilers#A Court of Silver Flames#A Court of Silver Flames Spoilers#Sarah J Maas#ACOTAR#ACOMAF#ACOWAR#ACOFAS#ACOSF#Elain Archeron#Inner Circle#Feysandfeelsasks
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Word Count: 4131
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CW: angst, angst, angst, angst, bad language, references to racism, angst.
“Bitch, if you do this, you are so dumb,” Jamila yelled over the group FaceTime. Lauren and Siobhan nodded while Karesha rolled her eyes at Nina.
Desiree stated, “You know how I feel about men butttt, you being dumb.”
“Jamila, do something dumb and take a picture with that guy you told us you fucked. I thought you said he was a hockey player. Distract the haters from Nina,” Karesha suggested.
Lauren added, “That’s a good idea.”
“Hold up, hold up, I told everyone about him because I DON’T plan on fucking him again. That dick was way tooooo good. Hell no,” Jamila exclaimed.
Everyone snickered after that comment and Jamila pouted. Nina took in a deep breath. “I-I, I just can’t. I got people calling me all kinds of names, bitches stopping by my job taking pics, people. Then I got people who are being extra friendly to me and I just want to hide. Now, my lil cousin showed me that I got fangirls on tumblr! The hell??”
Jamila grimaced. “That’s part of fame.”
“I didn’t ask for this shit! He DIDN’T EVEN ASK ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND AND NOW THE WORLD IS TREATING ME LIKE I’M HIS GIRL,” Nina yelled.
The chat got quiet for a couple minutes before Siobhan said, “Well, that was dumb on his part. So excited to finally get a chance that he’s fucking it up. Men.”
Desiree snickered before her face turned serious. “I think our girl caught feelings too. The Nina I know normally doesn’t have to make a decision with her girls about dropping a guy. She just does it.”
“But she’s telling us because she really doesn’t want to,” Lauren said with a smirk.
Nina glared at her friends. They weren’t getting it. But before she could say anything else, Siobhan quietly said, “I hope you aren’t comparing yourself to his teammates’ girlfriends and wives. But I think you are.”
Sighing, NIna said, “I met them and while they were mostly nice, I’m a milk dud in a sea of milk. I stick out too much. Despite what they are all saying, Sidney’s just messing with me until he finds another, more suitable blonde.”
Nina’s friends all stared at Nina over the FaceTime chat before erupting. Then Lauren finally said over the furor, “I understand… because yeah, same shit with my ex. I was good enough until he met the perfect white girl of his dreams, no offense Siobhan. But, remember that night when that guy followed me? Trust me, I saw the way Sidney fucking Crosby was looking at you. If he’s looking just to play you before finding someone else, fuck, I’ll buy you a fucking Birkin.”
“Whoa,” Jamila and Desiree both uttered. Lauren was the stingiest of all of them so for her to talk about spending thousands of dollars on something, it had to be real.
“Yeah, that sounds nice and everything but I need a break from all of this to recalibrate,” Nina finally said. “And we were supposed to be planning our trip since we couldn’t go anywhere overseas the past two years anyway.”
“Okay, let's talk about places to go because I want to go to Thailand,” Desiree replied, allowing Nina to change the subject.
Nina let out a breath as everyone started talking about places to visit. Before their conversation tonight, she was sure that breaking it off was a good idea. Now, she was just confused.
**
“Hi, pretty girl,” Sidney drawled over the phone.
Nina couldn’t help the shy smile come on her face at the pet name. “Hi, Sidney.”
Sidney frowned. Nina usually called him Sid now, Sidney Crosby if she was annoyed, Mr. Crosby if she was feeling sassy. Something felt off but he decided to ignore it for now. “Mario and Nathalie wanted to know if you were available for dinner next Sunday. Nathalie would love to meet you.”
“Hmm, I have an early class Monday morning so I’d just do dinner and that’s it,” NIna said.
Sidney inwardly sighed. Maybe Nina was off because she decided to go back to school and she was starting to get in the middle of the semester. Maybe that was it. “So, do you want to come? I’ll pick you up and drop you off?”
“Just that, I need to be able to think on Monday so you can’t stay over,” Nina joked.
Sidney snickered. “I’m sorry baby, I’ll be good and keep my hands to myself.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’ll keep my hands to myself, pretty girl, but we both know how much you love it when I touch you. Your skin is so soft and you feel so good.”
Nina gasped and Sidney felt like he heard her try to hold back a moan. He continued, “Especially when you make those little sounds-”
“Bye Sid,” Nina said firmly, trying to keep her mind from going into the gutter. It didn’t work when he laughed and she felt her core throb. Not even that filthy and she was ready to spread her legs for him. Nina was disappointed in herself.
Sidney responded, “Bye, pretty girl.”
**
Sidney could tell that Nina was still off during dinner with Mario and Nathalie. She was herself; sparkling, kind, and sweet but Sidney could tell that she was going through the motions. He was feeling a bit frustrated; he didn’t know what was wrong so he could fix it. But something was wrong.
Nina was truly enjoying herself as she talked with Mario and Nathalie but it felt like something was going on that she didn’t get. Like, the way they were looking at her, it felt like she was missing something. At the same time, the Lemieuxs’ were the quintessential hosts and Nina felt honored to have even stepped foot in their home, let alone had dinner with them.
Later that night, after Sidney and Mario had stepped out to talk hockey, Nina rubbed her eyes. She suddenly felt super tired and she didn’t know why.
“You look tired,” Nathalie commented.
Nina shrugged before replying, “It’s been a lot going on.”
“Why do I feel like Sidney, who is normally good and planning and looking at all sides, just jumped into everything with you?”
Nina looked at Nathalie. Nathalie had a sympathetic expression on her face. “It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?”
“Very,” Nina said as she looked at her nails. “I don’t even know what is going on between Sidney and I anyway.”
Nathalie had a shocked expression on her face as she stated, “I had the impression that you two are a couple?”
“Everyone says we are a couple but I was never asked about being in a couple,” Nina grumbled.
Nathalie wanted to shake Sidney. Even though she had heard only good things about Nina, Nathalie was prepared to judge her with a clean slate. After tonight, Nathalie really liked her, especially her independent spirit, something that would be very necessary for her dealing with Sidney and his life. But now, Nathalie really wanted to shake that boy hard because like most men, he put the cart before the horse. If she was a betting woman, Nathalie would bet that Nina was going to run screaming any moment now.
Nina continued, “I like him but.. I really don’t like him right now, do you understand?”
“I totally understand. Mario told me about all of the internet hate you’re receiving. I’m lucky that the internet didn’t exist the way it does now when Mario and I first started dating and got married,” Nathalie commiserated.
Nina took in several deep breaths. “I know everyone has said to ignore what other people are saying but, I’m just overwhelmed, you know.”
Nathalie decided that she was going to shake Sidney the next time she saw him after tonight. ‘Poor girl,’ she thought.
Before the conversation could continue, the guys came back in and Nathalie saw Nina shut down and paste a pretty smile on her face. Nathalie sent Mario a look of concern as she watched Nina grip her glass tight.
Sidney noticed the same thing as Nathalie when he returned with Mario. As he made their way towards Nina’s apartment, Sidney asked, “Is everything okay? You seemed stressed.”
Nina took in a deep breath. It was either now or never. “This is going too fast, I need a break.”
Sidney flushed, his hand shaking around the steering wheel. Trying to keep his voice level, he asked, “What do you mean you need a break?”
Nina took in a deep breath. “This is too much. I agreed to go out with you once and now, I’ve been introduced to all your teammate’s significant others, met Mrs. Lemieux and it’s like you’re treating me like I'm your girlfriend.”
“But you are!”
“How?! How the hell am I your girlfriend when you never ever asked me? When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me,” Nina fumed. “You put me in a situation I didn’t even agree to. I have people coming to my job just to try to get a picture of me; people who would stake out my apartment if I didn’t have a doorman and security in my building. Your team’s PR is monitoring my social media accounts because every other dm i get is the n-word.”
Sidney paled and Nina continued, “Yeah, you just realized you did all this and you didn’t even ask if I wanted to be your girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry but fuck, I’ve always wanted you to be my girlfriend. I just assumed you felt the same,” Sidney protested.
“Sidney, it’s just TOO much. I need time to process, I need a break. A break from you,” Nina said firmly.
Sidney resisted the urge to yell at Nina. Yes, he fucked up by not asking her to be his girlfriend before everything but at the same time, he just wanted her to listen. But Nina seemed like she didn’t want to listen to anything. So instead, he asked, “How long do you want a break?”
“I don’t know… I mean, it could be a couple of weeks,” Nina replied.
Sidney sat there stone faced as he drove. He didn’t know what to say. Sidney could feel his heart breaking into two for the first time ever and it was painful as hell. It was even more painful than when the Red Wings lifted the Cup in his first ever Stanley Cup finals.
Nina picked at her nails. She thought she would feel relief but now, she felt worse than before. The silence felt deafening and oppressive until they reached her building. Sidney finally said, “I’ll give you space.”
“Thank you,” Nina quietly responded. Letting herself out of the car quietly, Nina sniffled. Holding herself together, she was able to just make it inside of her apartment before she started to cry.
**
Karesha stared at her friend, not sure if she should shake her or hug her. Nina was in her work clothes, a fake smile on her face as she let Karesha into her apartment. Terrible Tess and Steely came running up to Karesha. After giving the pets some love, Karesha asked, “What did you do?”
Nina looked to the side. “I told him I needed a break.”
Sucking her lower lip into her mouth, Karesha stared at Nina again. She needed to shake her, definitely shake her.
“Why?”
Nina closed her eyes before flopping on her couch. Karesha sat next to her and Nina put her hands over her face. “Look at me and look at him! Sidney’s fucking rich, famous, and such an awesome hockey player. I drive an used Lexus RX, I’m broke as fuck compared to him, and I’m not the kind of woman who ends up with a guy like him,” Nina mumbled.
Karesha closed her eyes and counted to ten. Patience wasn’t her strong suit, especially with her friend who was normally the most cool, calm, and collected out of all of them. “Nina… trust me, you know I’ve done all kinds of shit. I’ve done shit that I’ll take to the grave with me. So trust me when I say, Sidney really, really likes you.”
Karesha almost said “loves you” but she felt like that would have been too much as Nina shook her head. Nina said, “He probably just wanted to fuck me because I was unavailable for so long.”
“Girl… if he just wanted to say he smashed, he wouldn’t have taken you to dinner with one of his best friends, the Pens org wouldn’t have gotten involved when people were calling you names online, especially Mario fucking Lemieux. He fucking told you that the Lemieuxs had invited you two for dinner before you told him you needed a break. You’re more than a fucking fling.”
“Yeah, he’d do all that and then dump me when he met someone more appropriate,” Nina argued.
Karesha shook Nina before yelling, “Stop going online where the dumb fangirls and the haters are trying to fuck with your mind. It’s all bullshit. That man would do anything for you.”
Nina sat there, stony-faced while Karesha talked. ‘Like a fucking Aries,’ she thought. ‘So fucking stubborn.’
“Anyway, I brought cake and let's watch some trashy shit. Which Real Housewives are we watching, Atlanta, Beverly Hills, or old school New Jersey,” Karesha finally asked, changing the subject.
Nina decided, “I’m in the mood for ratchet so Atlanta. But I can’t watch too much, I have to study.”
“Study for what,” Karesha asked as she opened a bottle of wine.
“I decided to go back for my PhD in rehabilitative science,” Nina replied. “Two more years of school but I’m excited.”
Karesha took a sip of her wine as Nina bit into a cupcake. “When were you going to tell anyone?”
“I had told Sidney-,” Nina began before she stopped. Nina closed her eyes when she realized the first person she told about her plans to get her PhD was Sidney before telling her family and her friends.
“Umm hmm.”
Karesha gave Nina a sly glance. She decided not to push it for now but it was obvious to her that Nina was lying to herself. Karesha knew her friend; unlike herself, Lauren, and Jamila, Nina tended to fall slowly but when she fell, she fell hard. So, in Karesha’s mind, Nina had to have started falling for Sidney back when she was working at the Lemieux Center, that was the only reason why Nina went out with him after she finally fucked him. Unlike the rest of them, Nina was the best at separating sex from feelings which had made her the queen of one night stands when they were younger. Sidney Crosby had quickly become more than a one night stand which convinced Karesha that Nina had feelings.
Even though their conversation turned to the TV, Karesha made some mental plans to help her friend get back with her man, even though Nina wouldn’t admit to herself that he was her man.
**
Two Weeks Later
Sidney really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but some of the Pirates had come to the game. It was always good to be friendly with fellow athletes. But he had been in a funk ever since Nina said she wanted a break. Sidney was trying his best to give Nina space but she hadn’t even responded to his texts or calls. It felt like she was trying to break up with him and it hurt. At the same time, he didn’t want to push her. Nathalie had yelled at him and told him he had gone way too fast. But now, he felt like he was drowning and there was nothing to save him.
So, Sidney pasted in his best PR smile and mentally counted the minutes until when he could leave and drink his frustration away. Then a short Black woman stepped in front of him. Sidney bit back a curse as she looked him up and down. Then she bluntly said, “you look just as fucking horrible as Nina does.”
Geno, Tanger, and Rusty all winced. No one has brought Nina up since Sidney said she wanted a break. But their captain was going through it and it sucked. They all just hoped Sidney wouldn’t unload on the woman who they all knew was dating one of the Pirates.
Then she smiled and said, “My name is Karesha Lewis and I’m going to go and shake some sense into my bestie. Because she’s being a fucking idiot. God, she’s being an idiot right now.”
Gregory started, “Resha, what are you doing?”
But Karesha gave Sidney a sly look. “Nina’s at home, eating ice cream and torturing herself with the idea that you’ve already got a hot blonde over her and you, frankly, look like shit. But for some reason, she thinks bullshit on the internet is true and that you never really liked her.”
Sidney’s expression went from annoyance to shock to fury. “I gotta go,” he bit out.
Karesha watched Sidney go, waving. Kris looked at her, incredulous. “Do you know what you did?”
“Trust me, Nina’s too stubborn to admit she’s wrong yet and I decided to have pity on The Kid. Don’t worry, I’m going to give the best matron of honor speech ever.”
Geno snickered. “I guess Sid taking maintenance day tomorrow.”
**
Notes for her class were all over her table but Nina’s mind was elsewhere. It had been two weeks since she told Sidney she wanted a break, two long weeks. And she was pissed at herself because she was missing the fucking idiot.
Nina missed his texts, his calls, the way he listened to her when she talked. She missed his laugh, his single-mind superstitions he followed on every gameday. The random food deliveries, as if Sidney knew she had skipped a meal for work or class or homework. The book suggestions, singing along to horrible pop music, shit that Nina knew he didn’t do around other people. Then… the sex.
Nina groaned, flopping face first into her sofa pillows. She was sure she was probably missing him more than usual because she was on her period. Today was day four after three days of a heavy flow, a blessing because it meant Nina wasn’t pregnant and that was always a threat even with condoms. “I’m just emotional,” she mumbled as she lifted herself off her face and returned to sitting upright.
Managing to return to studying, Nina was jolted out of her reverie by the ringing of her doorbell. Knowing she didn’t order anything this Saturday night, she pulled out her trusty baseball bat while Steely stood on alert next to her. Looking into the peephole, Nina inwardly groaned when she saw Sidney standing outside of her place. “Fuck,” Nina exclaimed as she opened the door, ushering Sidney in because the idea of someone selling pictures of him standing outside of her apartment because she wouldn’t let him in was more disturbing than ignoring him.
Sidney came in, Steely began to yap in excitement while Terrible Tess jumped off her seat on top of the window sill to walk around Sidney’s ankles. “Hi,” Sidney said.
Nina felt a bit bad as she looked at Sidney. He looked good as ever, his salt and pepper hair hair curling attractively on his forehead and neck. But she could see the bags under his eyes and it was obvious that Sidney was keeping it together enough for the ice but he was definitely suffering.
“Hi,” Nina replied, putting her baseball bat back in place.
Sidney looked at it before blinking his eyes in surprise. “You were really going to hit me with that?”
“I’m living alone and it’s 11pm on a Saturday night and I didn’t order anything? Yeah!”
“Thank you for not hitting me,” Sidney said sincerely.
Nina shrugged before crossing her arms over her chest. “What brings you around here?”
“Do you really believe I was just playing with you, using you until I find someone supposedly more appropriate,” Sidney asked with disbelief.
“I-,” Nina started but Sidney interrupted her. “Did you really think I wanted to fuck you until I found someone else? That I just wanted you because I couldn’t have you for so long?”
“Yeah,” Nina finally replied with a shrug. “Look at me and look at you and look at everyone else around you. I stick out.”
“Because you’re Black, so?”
Nina looked at the ceiling, ready to rip Sidney a new one after that statement. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten so that she could make sure she cursed him out without crying. Then Sidney said, “I mean, I’m pretty fucking clueless when it comes to race but fuck, you think that I was planning to use you because you’re Black and when I got tired, I’d go back to “my” kind,” using air quotes around the word my.
“You wouldn’t be the first,” Nina said.
Sidney closed his eyes. Emotions weren’t the easiest for him but he knew he couldn’t fuck this up. Moving closer to Nina, he grasped her hand. “Look at me, pretty girl.”
Nina closed her eyes before looking at Sidney. Sidney quietly stated, “No one has made me feel the way that you do. You are one of the kindest, intelligent, sweet, and loving women I’ve ever met. You are the literal sunshine and I’d be the biggest fucking fool to dump you for someone else now that I’ve actually had the chance to be with you.”
“And you… all this shit got dumped on me and you didn’t even ask me to be your girlfriend,” Nina complained as Sidney rubbed her hand.
Squeezing her hand, Sidney admitted, “I fucked up. I wanted to ask that first night but then we had to take care of your friend and I, I just kept forgetting to bring it up. But, I want you to be my girlfriend.”
Sidney already knew that he wanted Nina to be more than his girlfriend but he already fucked up enough.
Nina couldn’t help it, she had to ask, “What about with the team and everything?”
“I invested well and if I lose endorsements, fuck it. As for the team, Mario, Nathalie and the guys love you so that doesn’t matter,” Sidney firmly stated.
After a pause, Sidney grabbed Nina’s other hand. He softly said, “I understand if you don’t want to date me, I’m sorry for going too fast. But I’d like to try again.”
“Honestly, I gotta think about it,” Nina admitted. “You’re a lot and being with you will be a lot. I’ll have to give up a lot. I have to think about how to make it work, not just for me but for my family.”
Sidney nodded. He was a bit disappointed but he also understood because he remembered how when he first became famous, it was a lot. The pressure as a teen, then making it to the NHL, the changes for his family. Sidney totally understood what Nina meant.
Nina leaned up, pressing a kiss to Sidney’s cheek. “I’m not mad at you, at least right now. But I can’t promise you anything except I’ll call you by Wednesday,” Nina promised.
Sidney nodded before Terrible Tess started meowing. Picking up the cat, he petted her.
“I still can’t believe she likes you so much,” Nina muttered.
Sidney shrugged. “She knows I’m special,” he joked.
“Give me my cat!”
Nina opened her arms and Sidney passed Tess to Nina. Awkwardly, Sidney said, “I guess I should go.”
“Yes, you should because I need to study,” Nina quipped. “I have a paper to write.”
“Ugh.” Sidney wrinkled his nose. Papers were awful. “Talk to you later?”
Nina said, “Yes, we will. Bye Sid.”
“Bye Nina,” Sidney said as he opened the door. He couldn’t help but grin when he heard Nina close and lock the door behind him. She called him Sid, that meant something good.
**
Nina slept fitfully after working on her paper. After seeing Sidney last night, she realized just how much she missed him. Nina had been that close to sliding to her knees to blow him when she saw Sidney in his suit. But that would have been a very bad idea so she didn’t do it.
Drawing a t-chart on a piece of paper, Nina labeled one side “Pros” and the other side “Cons”. As she started to list the pros and the cons, Nina realized the list of pros was longer than the list of cons. Rubbing her forehead, Nina murmured to herself, “I’m going to have to make yoga a definite part of my life now.”
Decision made, Nina reached for her phone.
#sidney crosby#sidney crosby imagines#Sidney Crosby imagine#nhl imagine#nhl imagines#nhl fanfiction#nhl fic#nhl rpf#penguins imagines#penguin imagine#penguins imagine#penguin imagines#crosby fic#sidney crosby fic#angst#hockey rpf#hockey fic#hockey imagine#hockey imagines#all bets are off
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traitor. huang renjun.
wherein y/n & renjun break up on 'good' terms, but he's soon to be seen with his best friend that he'd always be clingy and touchy with. y/n thinks this is the most devastating thing, so she turns her thoughts into lyrics. renjun hears the song on the radio one day, thinking that it's by y/n and it's about him. he comes to the realization that he misses y/n and will do anything to have her back in his arms.
warnings female!reader x renjun. this story will probably be all over the place so bare with me. 😭 also it's in 3rd person & based off of olivia rodrigo's song, traitor. enjoy! <3
It's been two weeks time since Y/N and Renjun split ways, and they're still missing each other. Y/N struggled with taking down all their couples pictures and deleting his contact. Meanwhile Renjun was in a groupchat with NCT Dream and they would endlessly talk about how he fumbled the bag pretty badly with Y/N.
They weren't wrong. Y/N and Renjun really had it made. They were both in their 20s, but had been lovers since high school. Y/N remembered all the times they hid behind the bleachers and teased each other. Realization soon hit. They would never have that again. And Y/N couldn't seem to wrap her head around the thought.
Renjun was still heartbroken, so he found a distraction, or rather, a pain reliever. He figured dating his best friend would help him to fall out of love with Y/N. Well, he was very wrong. It only made him miss her more. He never got the light but affectionate kisses placed on his face whenever he got home, or the movie nights where it was 5% actually watching the movie and 95% talking.
Posting on his Instagram to have his friends support this sudden relationship was the only solution, although it wouldn't solve anything, it'd be fun to watch everyone react and jump out of their seats when they see that Renjun and Y/N had broken up.
Without knowledge of this, Y/N had forgotten to unfollow Renjun. She had been scrolling through her rather dry Instagram feed when she saw a post with Renjun's username captioned "my love." It wouldn't have bothered Y/N that much if he'd just changed the caption, because that's what he used to call her.
Tears started forming in her eyes, which eventually rolled down her cheeks and down to the neck of her shirt. She needed someone to talk to because she couldn't stand bottling up her emotions anymore, so she called the only person she knew would truly help and not just make a joke of the matter.
Kim Doyoung.
A ring could be heard from both sides of the phone as Doyoung picked up within about five seconds. "Hey, Y/N," Doyoung voiced into the phone, setting it to speaker. "Doyoung-ah. I'm not over him," Y/N mustered out before drowning her face in tears and muffled sobs. "Woah, relax Y/N," Doyoung comforted. "I'll be over in 10 minutes."
He arrives at her house, as assigned, ringing the doorbell two times before Y/N answers. Smeared mascara and smudged lipstick could be seen on her face. Doyoung's heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight. "Y/N..." he whispers, engulfing her into a hug.
"Please help me get over him."
One hour later . . .
God knows where the hell Doyoung had managed to bring in a chalkboard, but he did, and was currently lecturing Y/N about the do's and don'ts of relationships. She felt like dozing off right then and there because this was no use at all. She'd been in three past relationships, she knew what to do in one.
It was only until Doyoung started coming up with plans that she started tuning in. "Plan A," he stated, clicking his chalk against the board. "Music. If you can't figure out a way to get over him, write songs about it." Y/N let out a satisfied 'ooh', signaling she'd been (finally) listening in to the conversation.
"Plan B," Doyoung then again clicked his chalk against the chalkboard, underlining the words 'Plan B.' "Make him jealous somehow." Y/N nodded and anticipated the final plan, Plan C. Come to think of it, the name of the plans should've been more fun and interesting, but oh well.
"And...Plan C," Y/N bit her lip, eager to hear what he had to say, "If all else fails, I'll get you two pints of ice cream and binge watch So Not Worth It with you." The girl laughed at Doyoung's drastic change of plans. "Okay," she giggled, wiping off a tear.
"Now, wash your face and stop drowning your sorrows in Chips Ahoy cookies."
A couple minutes later . . .
Doyoung left the house, leaving a very satisfied Y/N alone at last. She promised herself she would never cry over Renjun for as long as she breathes. Promises are meant to be broken and she soon realized she wouldn't be able to keep the promise, but it didn't really matter. It wasn't like she was promising anything to Renjun himself.
Remembering what Doyoung had suggested, Y/N whipped out her notepad and got to brainstorming ideas for songs. When she was done with that, now came the hard part. Writing the actual song. An idea soon came into play, and she started writing once more.
You betrayed me,
and i know that you'll never feel sorry
for the way i hurt.
yeah, you talked to her when we were together
you gave me your word, but that didn't matter
it took you two weeks to go off and date her
guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.
Y/N finished writing the song and sang it to see how it sounded. Perfect. It'd take awhile to actually get the song out, mainly because she has to record it in a studio and record a music video that correlates to the song. Y/N didn't know any producers so she posted an offer on her social media platforms which was basically her asking for a personal producer.
Someone eventually got to the post and he was luckily a very famous producer. They had met up and started recording the song. It took a couple days because Y/N had little to no singing training or practice, but she soon got the hang of it. All she needed was to match her tone to the flow and beat of the song.
Y/N really didn't have the energy to film a music video, so she just made a lyric video instead.
It really took off, because the producer she was working with promoted the song on all platforms, and so did Y/N. There were dozens of comments on the video and most of them were positive, others were criticism and the rest was just people wondering who the song was about.
The next day when Renjun was driving somewhere he turned on his radio and heard Y/N's voice. "Hello, it's Y/N. Tune in to hear my debut song, Traitor." Renjun smiled inside at the thought of hearing Y/N's singing voice as he only knew how she sounded when she spoke normally.
As the song started, Renjun started to find the groove of the beat. He was tapping his fingers on his steering wheel until the song started.
"Brown guilty eyes and little white lies, yeah, I played dumb but I always knew that you'd talk to her, maybe did even worse, I kept quiet so I could keep you."
Just when the beat dropped and the "you betrayed me" part played, realization washed over him. This song is about me, he thought. A wave of guilt overcame him as his facial expression saddened. He'd noticed how she poured her whole heart into the song, all because of Renjun, who left her heartbroken.
"Shit," he mutters to no one in particular, "I have to win her back."
Night time . . .
It's about 1:30 AM when Renjun decides to finally settle into bed. Wrapping the blanket around himself, all he could think about Y/N and how she would snuggle herself into his arms after a long and warm shower. Without thinking, he messages Y/N.
junnie <3 (1:32 AM)
i miss you.
read 1:32 AM
mi primer amor 💞 (1:33 AM)
i miss you too :( i really loved you, renjun.
read 1:33 AM
junnie <3 (1:34 AM)
i know, and i'm sorry. i know you aren't ready to forgive me, but i'll be waiting for you, my love.
read 1:34 AM
mi primer amor 💞 (1:35 AM)
thank you. again, i love you so much and i really miss you. friends?
read 1:35 AM
junnie <3 (1:36 AM)
best friends, i love you! now get some rest girl 😭
read 1:36 AM
mi primer amor 💞 (1:37 AM)
finnneee you hater </3 goodnight!
read 1:37 AM
junnie <3 (1:38 AM)
goodnight <333 get lots of rest :))
read 1:38 AM
that's about it! i'll make sure to do a part two if you want it. i hope you enjoyed!
#kpop#nct#renjun#female reader#jehyun#jaehyun#izone#nct u#nct dream#renjun fic#renjun ff#nct ff#angst au#nct 127#exo#twice#everglow#1team#aisha#yiren
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Popped the Question
Timeline:
Gojo: 28
Shion: 27
Spoilers for the Anime after episode 5 i think? After they went to a detention centre.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Jujutsu Kaisen as it’s rightfully owned by Gojo’s no.1 hater, Gege Akutami.
Masterlist
Previous Chapter / Next Chapter
------------------------
In a hundred different worlds
In every version of reality
The concept of 'us' will exist as long as I find and choose you in the end.
"Holy shit," Shion muttered. "I could feel that one in my chest."
In the college's faculty room, peace seems to be on the ravenette's side as she enjoys reading her book. The woman considers it to be a luxury that few can afford in her line of work. Especially there's a man named Gojo Satoru who eats up her alone time.
Much to her luck, he's out of college for the day. Which means she could finally enjoy her free time reading. She did not expect to have her heartstrings tugged hard when she read this novel.
Stars Align is a novel that she happened to pick up from her previous mission. The plot is boy meets a girl; then they become star-crossed lovers after saving her from a life or death situation. It sounds like a simple premise, but she did not expect the twist in the middle of the story. She became too invested in it that she didn't sense someone coming into the room.
"Ito-san," She looks up from her book and saw Megumi. For someone who got trashed badly by the king of curses, he looks fine, which is a massive relief for her. Shoko must have done an excellent job in healing this boy.
The incident happened while she's out in Shanghai with Fei for a mission. The woman doesn't have any knowledge of it until the day after from the puppet user. She dropped everything to catch the earliest flight to Tokyo. Anxiety accompanies her throughout her trip, and she begins to fear for the worse. Despite what Ijichi told her, it's clear as a fucking day that they attempt to have the vessel out of the picture.
"What's up?" She puts down her book on the table as the male student took the opposite seat from her.
"What kind of people do you want to save?"
She lets a small 'hmm' before she starts to think for her answer. The kind of people she wants to save? She never thinks much about it back when she's at his age. All she cared about in the past is to accept whatever happens to her. However, thanks to Gojo's intervention, she learned much more than she expected.
"There's no one."
"No one?" He received a nod from her. "But why?"
"Because there's always a twist, in the end, Megumi." The boy's brows furrow in confusion, making her explain more. "I'm sure you have noticed by now that the world we live is not simple as black and white. Even the kindest heart could turn into the cruelest of them all. But who am I to judge? I'm no god nor hero, I'm just a Jujutsu Sorcerer."
Knowing the boy for almost a decade, she could read him like an open book. She knew that he viewed their job as tools for the safety of those who he perceived as kind individuals. Even at the cost of his life to guarantee their welfare. There's nothing wrong with it, but she wished for the boy to be a little bit selfish with his life. She doesn't want to see or know that his sacrifice was in vain.
"But that doesn't mean you need to change or stick on the way you see in people." She added. "There's an option where you can let it evolve through time and the challenges you overcame. That way, you won't lose yourself nor hurt those who are close to you in the process."
"Did something similar happened to you, Ito-san?" That question alone made her remember eight years ago—a friend's answer to her.
"Is truly there no way?" It's pointless of her to ask. What for then? A closure, perhaps?
"I'm gonna die in the end regardless of my choice that day." He said. "But I'll take those monkeys with me to hell."
"It happened to a close friend of mine, Megumi." Her voice laced with bitterness despite her aloof expression. If she wasn't too wrapped in finding her past, will things be different from now? Or would it be the same?
"Enough about my past," She quickly changes the topic before she dampens the mood. "For now, do what you think is right as long as you don't regret it in the end. Okay?"
"Yes, Mom—Ito-san." He averted his gaze from hers as the embarrassment starts to crawl on his skin. He realized now he called her 'mom' again. It earns a soft chuckle from her at the boy's shyness as she felt happy.
The teenage boy is embarrassed to admit it, but he sees Shion as a mother figure. Unlike Gojo, she tends to be more understanding than him. There's also the fact she's not annoying and loud unless she's drunk.
Unfortunately for the teenager, the door slides open to reveal his other guardian. Shion lets out a sigh as she's preparing herself for what's to come. As for Megumi, he knows hell's going to break loose.
"How come you never called me Daddy, Megumi-chan!?"
The teenage boy cannot help but scowl at his teacher. "You're annoying."
It made Gojo gasped in shock when he heard those words. Despite wearing a blindfold, the boy could tell there's a shocked expression on the latter.
"MOMMY!" The white-haired man threw himself to Shion's lap. "Our son is being mean to Daddy again! Can you believe this?! This is the respect I get from after I raised him!?" He wraps his arms around her torso as he buries his head to the crook of her neck. His wife begins to give awkward pats at his back.
"We both raise-"
"This ain't about you!" He interrupted her. "IT'S ABOUT OUR SON'S REBELLIOUS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS ME!"
"Oh gee, I wonder where he got it from." She muttered, looking away at Gojo. It's not surprising that Megumi got it from her husband. He often gets into fights back in middle school.
"Obviously from you, Mommy dearest~"
"Shouldn't you be at your mission, Gojo-sensei?" Unknown to Gojo, Megumi stops Shion from grabbing her cursed tool. As much as he wants her to have his teacher shut up, he chose not to. Why? Because he's not in the mood to witness a murder.
"I finished it already!" He quickly got off from his wife's lap, sensing his life was in danger. "I'm here to pick up my reward."
"What would that be?" Shion asked.
Gojo drags down his blindfold before grabbing his wife's chin. It made Shion looks up to see a mischievous glint in his blue eyes. No matter how many times she saw it, she still finds them beautiful. It not like she would admit it to inflate his ego more.
"What else?" He winks at his wife. "To see my beautiful wife~."
It took all of the willpower in Megumi not to gagged in disgust when he heard it. Gojo immediately puts a distance between him and his wife when he saw her eyes turn blue.
"T-that's uncalled for,y-you idiot!" Out of embarrassment, she stood up from her seat before throwing her book at him. With his Infinity, he stopped it halfway from hitting him.
"I don't see anything wrong calling my wife beautiful." Don't get him wrong. He finds Shion as an attractive person, but she gets embarrassed quickly with a simple compliment. He's still amazed that her face went neutral to flustered in a manner of seconds. It's a refreshing feeling to see someone like that.
"SATORU GOJO!"
"And that's my cue to leave." Megumi muttered.
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Why being permabanned from the JCF was one of the best things that could have happened to me
Ever since TFA I’ve been contributing to SW forums, because it’s interesting to see other’s opinions and also a source of information. Naturally not everyone agrees with you, so I’ve often crossed verbal swords. I quit one forum after being ‘warned’ for defending myself against a Kylo hater rather than reporting him; largely because I’ve never liked the idea of reporting anyone...it just isn’t me. I’d rather stand up to them instead.
Everyone is entitled to like or dislike a fictional character or ship, and entitled to argue the point. But I do not think I have ever come across such toxic hatred for a fictional character and those who like him as I have on the Jedi Council Forums.
I have been accused of ‘sexism’ for saying I didn’t like the way TROS ended with Rey as a perennial virgin( ironically I personally am, and likely to stay that way as I’m asexual...) because I found it unnatural (including myself in that) as Rey had shown a deep desire for family and children. By having her embrace the tired old ‘space monk’ code of the Jedi she is forever denying herself that. I have had the weary old ‘promoting the sexual abuse of women’ rubbish aimed at me because I was a reylo - until they destroyed Rey and reimagined her as a horrible judgemental prig. All this I’ve experienced before so I’m used to it...but what I really find disturbing is the attitude of Finn fans. And two Finn fans in particular.
I’ll call them A & J. Both are women. One confirmed white, not confirmed by the other. And their behaviour towards anyone who likes Kylo - even those who aren’t reylos - is nothing short of bullying.
A is a huge Leia fan. If you have the audacity to point out that the character was a neglectful mother, which Carrie herself confirmed (’ I never should have sent him away’; Leia’s own words) then immediately A accuses you of rampant sexism, and ‘how DARE you ‘demonise’ Leia like that!’
You are then attacked for saying a mother should not have a career (I never said that) and that Kylo was an ‘overprivileged brat’ who deserved ‘everything he got’ for the way he treated his ‘wonderful, heroic parents.’
A has chosen to ignore the fact that during the promotion for TFA, the cast actually stated that Han and Leia were less than stellar parents. Heroes, unfortunately, often are. Leia was focusing on the rebuilding of the Republic and Han was uncomfortable around his son because he was FS. Neither Harrison or Carrie, both parents themselves, were unhappy with this. It’s stated in several ‘canon’ sources. Which A has chosen to ignore, insisting that Bloodline pointed out Kylo as a ‘happy, normal’ child when that was what Leia believed him to be, despite not being around enough to know what he actually felt.
And not one mention of how it was TROS who truly demonised Leia. Whereas both the previous films showed her failures as well meaning mistakes, TROS showed her as a woman who chose not to train her own son when she was capable of doing it herself. It assassinated her character beyond repair and I often wonder if Carrie would have agreed with Leia being portrayed like that if she was still with us.
What worries me is that A is married and a teacher by profession - and also a mother, in real life. And she made one of the most disturbing comments I’ve read, that it’s a ‘good thing’ for women to put their careers before their children as it shows them ‘they are not the centre of your universe’.
We are entitled to like/dislike fictional characters.....but I’m really spooked because this comment by A has nothing to do with SW but is her personal view on real life. And I don’t think any parent, male or female,should put their careers before their families.
And ..then there is J, a dedicated Finn and JB fan. Again, her own choice. But does she really have the right to accuse anyone who doesn’t like either of being a card carrying, knuckle dragging white supremacist?
She accused me as ‘putting the white character before JB’s role as ‘black male lead’ because I simply said the ST ‘should have been Ben’s story’ in a Finn thread. Later, I was permabanned for mentioning Kylo in the same Finn thread - despite other posters often mentioning Kylo, Rey and Finn in threads devoted to other characters. But it isn’t just me. Anyone - anyone - who says the slightest negative thing about JB, such as calling him out on his horrible SM posts after TROS, is accused of racism. Anyone who criticises the Finn character is seen as racist. And although yes, I agree Finn was poorly handled in TROS, I can’t help but get angry when they accuse Rian Johnson of ‘destroying’ the character’ in TLJ when he gave him his own story arc and love interest and did a damn sight more with him than Abrams, who saw him as a lovesick groupie whose role was to follow Rey around shrieking her name every five minutes.
Most of all, I am heartily sick and tired of them accusing AD and Kylo of ‘taking Finn’s rightful role off him’
Excuse me? Kylo had nothing to do with it, he was established as the villain and it certainly wasn’t AD’s fault. He simply played the part. Finn was on the ‘other side’. If his character was reduced it’s down to the survival of the Poe character (some fans, to their credit, have also said this) who was slated to be killed off but wasn’t. But if anyone ‘stole’ anyone’s thunder it’s Rey - she was meant to be the main protagonist of the ST, not Finn. Kylo was the ‘villain’. Finn had more screen time than Kylo did in all three of the films.
Boyega is simply mad that he wasn’t Rey’s romantic love interest, despite DR herself stating the characters were meant to be ‘just friends’. He wasn’t interested in the fact that Finn had two beautiful ladies interested in him, he wanted to ‘lay the pipe’ with Rey. And this lies at the heart of his dissatisfaction with his character’s direction. but is has nothing to do with AD or the Kylo character. Finn fans refuse to accept that as the blood descendant of the OT characters of course Kylo/Ben had to have a major role in the ST. Finn was never conceived as a ‘lead’ character, and it is both spiteful and unfair for JB and his fans to assume it’s because of his ethnicity.
I’m not the only one who has been targeted by J...she has driven three posters to my knowledge off the JCF, one who isn’t even a Kylo fan, with her endless spurious accusations. Yet she gets away with it....because A is a major supporter. And A is a moderator.
As for me, I tend to have a stubborn streak and although I repeatedly told myself engaging with the toxic fantatics permeating the JCF isn’t good for me, I just couldn’t stop. I just had to repeatedly defend Kylo and AD from the increasingly nasty comments, despite it doing nothing for my mental health and personal happiness. So, when I was finally permabanned for once again mentioning Kylo in a ‘some other character’ thread, I’m actually relieved, because I’m now ‘off’ the site. I still read it just to see how the other posters are getting on, and I’ve noticed most of those who like Kylo and even AD are disappearing.
A and J are bit by bit destroying anyone who doesn’t share their opinions and driving them away, reducing the forum to a tedious one character love fest. In short, anyone who doesn’t agree with them isn’t welcome. So much for freedom of speech.
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💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜
skippyv20
MM Anon
MM ANON ……… a lovely surprise ……… sweet Charlotte ……… it’s teaching Jim, ……………”Harry, you know you’ll always have a place “……………”he’s not happy Catherine “ ……… R1………… re-train………… clubbings, clubbed…… Tea-CHING…………… “ yes, that’s a really good question”…………2 metres for ever???………… a rally in Calais. ………… GBHMTQAOGC 🇬🇧🌈🇨🇦
Thank you😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
*Entertainment purposes
💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊THANK YOU MM ANON😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜
MAY 15/20
RIDDLE #17
2145 HRS
a lovely surprise ………
YEP, KIDS, I AM GOING OUT ON A LIMB, YET AGAIN…I DO BELIEVE WE ARE GOING TO BE GETTING NEWS OF CAMBRIDGE 👶 BABY NUMBER FOUR IS ON THE WAY. THEY HAVE BEEN PREDICTING A BABY BOOM AS A RESULT OF THIS LOCKDOWN. THE DM HEADLINE OF AN ARTICLE TODAY SAYING A” GLOWING KATE MIDDLETON” AND WILLIAM AS THEY DO A VIDEOCALL TO A MENTAL HEALTH TEXT SERVICE ENTITLED, SHOUT. WHEN PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING, YES I AM OLD FASHIONED AND USE THAT WORD, ARE OFTEN SEEN AND KNOWN TO HAVE A GLOW ABOUT THEM. I KNOW PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE SPECULATIONS BUT I WOULD BE DELIGHTED.😊😊😊
sweet Charlotte ………
OUR SWEET HRH PRINCESS CHARLOTTE JUST CELEBRATED HER FIFTH BIRTHDAY ON MAY 2/2020. AS PER HER USUAL, CATHERINE TOOK THE MOST AMAZING PHOTOS , ESPECIALLY THE PORTRAIT, OH MY SHE IS SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL CHILD. SHE WILL BE A BEAUTY LIKE HER MUM AND A STRONG PERSONALITY LIKE HMTQ. THE LOVELY PHOTOS OF CHARLOTTE DELIVERING HOMEMADE PASTA TO THOSE IN NEED IN HER GREY RUFFLY DRESS, LOVELY. I HAD A RUFFLY DRESS LIKE THAT IN RED PLAID WITH A WHITE SAILOR TYPE COLLAR FOR CHRISTMAS WHEN I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH, MAYBE , 12 YEARS OLD, OH I LOVED THAT DRESS!!
“it’s teaching Jim, ……………”
HERE OUR DEAR MM ANON IS BRINGING STAR TREK REFERENCE AGAIN, JIM, WAS CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK, IN THE ORIGINAL STAR TREK TV SHOW. IT IS HARD TO FATHOM THE IMPACT AND SPAWN THAT SHOW HAS BROUGHT IN TV, FILMS, TECHNOLOGY AND IT ONLY RAN THREE SEASONS. REMARKABLE!
MADAM THINKS SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING AND CAN FAKE INTERRUPT A ZOOM MEETING IN A FAKE BACKGROUND. NO TEACHING IS USEFUL AND SHE IS BEYOND BEING RETAUGHT HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE
WHO IS JIM, IN THIS SCENARIO? WHAT IS BEING TAUGHT? LIFE LESSON PERHAPS? OR SOMETHING IS TEACHING JIM HIMSELF, AS THE CAPTAIN. I THINK THIS MIGHT JUST BE THE PROCESS OF REINTEGRATING HARRY, UNTANGLING HIS PUBLIC IMAGE/FAKE PERSONA THAT MADAM HAS CREATED.
“Harry, you know you’ll always have a place “……………”
I FEEL PRETTY CERTAIN THIS IS HMTQ TALKING WITH HARRY, PHONE, VIDEOLINK MORE LIKELY. SHE IS REASSURING HIM, HE ALWAYS HAS HIS FAMILY, HE IS A BLOOD PRINCE AND IT WILL TAKE TIME WITH SOME OF THE PUBLIC, HIS FAMILY IS ENCIRCLED WITH LOVE AROUND HIM. SO AM I AND MANY MANY HERE AND WORLDWIDE. HARRY JUST IGNORE THE HATERS 💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😊😊😊HARRY😊😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜. KEEP DOING THE VIDEO MEETINGS….THE REAL ONES!!!…..NOT MADAMS FALSE MEDIA…..
HARRY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE IN OUR HEARTS ALWAYS. NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOU OR BELIEVE THE LIES THAT HAS BERN SPUN IN AN EVIL WEB QUITE LITERALLY ON THE WEB INTERNET AND THEN SPEWED ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER MEDIA.
“he’s not happy Catherine “ ………
WILLIAM IS SPEAKING WITH HIS WIFE. HE IS CONCERNED ABOUT HOW HIS DEAR BELOVED, YES BELOVED IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE WORDS💜💜💜, BROTHER IS HANDLING ALL THIS PR LIES, FAKE KABUKI MADAM IS DOING. . HE KNOWS AND IS UPDATED REGULARLY ON THE POISONOUS WRITINGS DONE BY PENS AND BY POISONOUS KEYBOARDS WRITING AND TYPING HIDEOUS LIES THAT ARE JUST BEYOND THE PALE. SEEKING ADVICE OR A LISTENING EAR. THEY ARE WITHOUT A DOUBT 100% SUPPORTIVE, LOVING AND WANTING THIS OVER. IT IS EXTREMELY HARD SEEING SOMEONE YOU LOVE SUFFER SO. THIS TRULY IS UNPRECEDENTED. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻FOR ALL OF YOU IN OUR ROYAL FAMILY.
R1…………
I COULD SAY R1, A ONE WOMAN SHOW THAT HAS INFECTED THE ENTIRE ROYAL FAMILY, THE PUBLIC, THE COMMONWEALTH AND MORE. SHE IS 1, RACHEL=R1. THE CURE FOR THIS DESTRUCTIVE INVASION IS JUSTICE……AND IT IS COMING I HAVE NO DOUBT. ⚖️
AS THIS REGARDS TO COVID-19 AND THE PROCESS OF UNLOCKDOWN. THESE THINGS ARE ALL SO VERY COMPLEX.
IN TRACKING EPIDEMIC STATISTICS IS KEY. R0, IS USED TO MEASURE THE POTENTIAL TRANSMISSION OF A VIRUS, DISEASE ETC.
“In epidemiology, the basic reproduction value describes the average number of people an individual can expect to infect.
It is called the reproductive value, or “R0 ” - pronounced ‘R nought' or 'R zero’. The measure is used to track how many people, on average, will be infected for every one person who has the disease.
The number is not fixed. It can be altered by a range of factors, including behaviour, which is why countries around the world have imposed stringent social distancing measures. It’s not rocket science - keeping people away from one another obviously makes a huge difference to the potential infection rate.”
I WOULD SUGGEST THIS RESOURCE I RESEARCHED …
https://www.healthknowledge.org.uk/public-health-textbook/research-methods/1a-epidemiology/epidemic-theory
THESE ARE ALL KEY TO THE UNLOCKDOWNING, OF THE U.K., YES I MADE ANOTHER NEW WORD OH MY IT HAS DOWNING IN IT!!! 😁😁
re-train…………
FIRST STARTED AS A LOW DRUMBEAT, METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING , NOW IT IS BEING SAID OUTRIGHT. WHEN WE ARRIVE AT THE NEW NORMAL, MANY JOBS WILL NO LONGER EXIST. SO MANY THINGS HAVE AND WILL CONTINUE TO CHANGE.
TO RE-TRAIN IS TO LEARN A NEW TRADE OR EDUCATION FOR A DIFFERENT FIELD OF WORK. MANY MILLIONS WILL BE FACING THIS AFTER THE HORRENDOUS PANDEMIC CRISIS HAS STABILIZED.
I DO THINK THIS HAS ANOTHER MEANING REGARDING THE RAILROAD , SO VERY MANY FURLOUGHS THERE☹️☹️, AND OTHER PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION MEANS. I CANNOT RECALL THE NUMBER BUT ITS MASSIVE THE LOSS IN REVENUE OF THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN LONDON ALONE. THE ECONOMIC IMPACT, I DO NOT THINK OUR IMAGINATIONS CAN FULLY GRASP YET HOW THINGS WILL BE. RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO BE KIND, BE CALM , SUPPORT ONE ANOTHER AND CARRY ON, ONE DAY AT A TIME AS THE CRISTY LANE SONG GOES. ONE DAY AT A TIME SWEET JESUS🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻.
clubbings, clubbed……
CRAZY PARTIERS ITS MADNESS DRINKING DANCING AS IF THINGS WERE JUST USUAL. BEACHING, PARTYING. NON COMPLIANCE WITH REGULATIONS HAS LED TO MANY FINES ETC. DEALING WITH IMPAIRED PEOPLE I HAVE NO DOUBT SONE OFFICERS GOT CLUBBED LITERALLY. LOCKDOWN, CLUBS CLOSED, CLUBBED CLOSED QUITE LITERALLY.
Tea-CHING……………
OH YES MADAM ALLEGEDLY CRASHED A ZOOM MEETING WITH “H” OF A TEACHERS UNION, WAIT, OH NO IT WAS A MENTAL HEALTH CHARITY, WITH A GUY WITH A TWITTER NO PAGE FOUND.
WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORDS CHA-CHING IT MEANS MONEY. PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME SHE IS EARNING MONEY BY GIVING LECTURES ONLINE USING HER WORD 🥗 SALAD. AS I SAID YESTERDAY OR DAY BEFSHE IS SKILLED AT ALL THINGS A REAL RACHEL OF ALL TRADES, LITERALLY ALL TRADES🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂.
I KNOW FERGIE, SARAH FERGUSON WAS SELLING PRETTY TEAS. HAS MADAM COPIED SOMEONE, YET AGAIN, AND IS BRINGING OUT TEA FOR SAKE?
OR IS IT THE HORRIBLE EUPHEMISM I SO DETEST, AND NO CLUE WHERE IT CAME FROM BUT I WISH IT WOULD GO AWAY. THE PEJORATIVE USE OF THE WORD ‘TEA’ BEING USED AS GOSSIP. YES IF SHE SELLS HER JUICY SECRET DIARY SHE KEPT, AND A TELL ALL BOOK, THE SUGARS WILL BUY IT FOR SURE BUT WILL ANYONE ELSE? I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH CHING SHE WILL GET FROM HER CUP OF TEA. I AM CERTAIN IT WILL BE EMBARGOED IN THE U.K. IF IT IS PRINTED IN AMERICA.
REMEMBER WAY BACK LAST YEAR MADAM MADE THAT QUICK WEEKEND TO NYC TO WATCH HER BESTIE LOSE THE U.S OPEN, WHEN THEY TOLD HER NOT TO COME? I CLEARLY RECALL A CLUE IN THE RIDDLE AND IT WAS ABOUT HER MEETING WITH A BOOK PUBLISHING HOUSE THAT WEEKEND TOO.
“ yes, that’s a really good question”…………
WHEN WILL ALL THIS END? WHEN WILL MADAM FACE JUSTICE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN HER MOS LAWSUIT? WHEN CAN HARRY BE PUBLICLY REUNITED AND GET HIS REPUTATION BACK AND THE LOVE IF EVERYONE AGAIN.
WHEN WILL COVID STOP? WHEN WILL THERE BE A VACCINE? HOW WILL THE LOCKDOWN END, HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?
I COULD CONTINUE WITH MANY MORE BUT YOU KIDS GET THE JIST.
2 metres for ever???…………
THE EXPERTS IN INFECTIOUS DISEASES, EPIDEMIOLOGY, ER PHYSICIANS, VARIOUS PROFESSIONALS ALL CONCUR THIS VIRUS IS A MYSTERY. WHY IT IS SO AGGRESSIVE IN CERTAIN AREAS BUT NOT OTHERS. THEY HAVE YET TO FIND SOUND SCIENCE DATE TO EXPLAIN THIS. THE WHO, WORLD GEALTH ORGANIZATION, ALONG WITH OTHERS ARE SAYING THIS IS A MARATHON JUST BEGINNING. THIS VIRUS WILL LIKELY REMAIN WITH US. THEY ARE HOPING FOR WHAT IS CALLED HERD IMMUNITY. I KNOW IT SOUNDS ODD BUT IT COMES FROM AGRICULTURE, IN DISEASES AMONG THE HERD, THEY DEVELOP AN IMMUNITY TO AN EXISTING AND PRESENT VIRUS. HOWEVER IN HUMANS BEINGS , THIS WILL REQUIRE EXTENSIVE TESTING,
DR. TAM, OUR🇨🇦, CHIEF MEDICAL HEALTH OFFICER FOR OUR COUNTRY ANNOUNCED A TWO YEAR STUDY. THEY WILL BE TESTING SEROLOGY OF A MILLION I THINK THAT IS THE NUMBER, AND WILL MONITOR FOR PRESENCE OF ANTIBODIES, IF THEY EXIST, IF THEY CHANGE OVERTIME OR VANISH. THIS WILL BE KEY IN KNOWING HOW MANY ANTIBODIES ARE NEEDED TO MAKE ONE IMMUNE, AND HOW LONG THE IMMUNITY LASTS. ITS ALL VERY FASCINATING TO ME.
SO, AS USUAL WITH ME YOU GET DINNER AND A SHOW WITH EACH CLUE, THE QUESTION HAS SERIOUSLY BEEN RAISED IS SOCIAL/PHYSICAL DISTANCING OF WHICH 2 METRES IS THE DISTANCE, GOING TO CONTINUE TO BE A PERMANENT PART OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT. THAT IS A VERY DIFFICULT CHANGE IN OUR LIVES FOR SURE.
a rally in Calais. …………
THE LITTLE SHIP CLUB IS A BOAT/YACHTING CLUB IN LONDON. THEY HAVE REGULAR REGATTAS ETC. THE ORIGINAL CLUB WAS FOUNDED WAY BACK IN 1926, TO CONNECT OVER LECTURES AND TEACHING ON YACHTING!! REAL YACHTING. IT HAS ITS BUILDING CALLED THE CLUBHOUSE, AT BELL WHARF, RIGHT ON THE THAMES, THE ONKY ONE IN LONDON.
THEY HOLD AN ANNUAL MAY REGATTA OR RALLY, HOWEVER IT IS CANCELLED DUE TO, YOU KNOW IT, THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC.
SO WE HAVE YACHTING REFERENCE HERE. WE ALL KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS EXTENSIVE, AND I MEAN E X T E N S I V E😂😂😂😂🤣🤣YACHTING EXPERIENCE. SO CANCELLED HMMMMMM……NO LONGER UP TO RALLYING AND YACHTING AT 43? I THINK NORMAL YACHTING 43 IS PERFECT. HOWEVER THE OTHER KIND OF YACHTING….43….NOT SO MUCH CHA CHING IN THAT(REFERENCE TO OTHER CLUE).
GBHMTQAOGC 🇬🇧🌈🇨🇦
GSTQAOBC IS MY THINGY I ALWAYS ADD, AT THE END OF MOST OF MY NOTES, POSTS ETC. IT MEANS, “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN AND OUR BELOVED COMMONWEALTH”.
HERE IS , GOD BLESS HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN AND OUR GORGEOUS COMMONWEALTH. OR GRATEFUL, ANOTHER G WORD PERHAPS.
IF I MAY BE SO BOLD, THERE IS A RAINBOW , WHICH IS A COVENANT, BETWEEN THE U.K. AND CANADA. WE ARE VERY MUCH A COMMONWEALTH COUNTRY. HMTQ IS A PART OF EVERY SINGLE THING IN 🇨🇦. PROVINCES AND TERRITORIES HAVE HMTQ OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE, THE LIEUTENANT-GOVERNOR. WE PRONOUNCE LIEUTENANT, LEFFTENANT IN CANADA. THE COUNTRY HAS A GOVERNOR GENERAL WHO IS HMTQ REPRESENTATIVE TO OUR ENTIRE COUNTRY. ANY LEGISLATION, PROVINCIAL AND FEDERAL IS SIGNED OFF BY THEM. HMTQ IS ON THE MONEY ETC ETC.
I THINK MM ANON IS REFERRING TO THE WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US. I AM EXTENDING FURTHER, THE WONDERFUL CONNECTION AND TRUTH SEEKING THAT OUR BELOVED💜💜🐼💜💜 HAS COMMITTED TO AND THOSE WHO ARE HERE COMMITTED TO IT AS WELL. I CAN ASSURE YOU, LIFE SITUATIONS MAY HAPPEN, BUT WE WILL NEVER BREAK OUT OATHS AND RESOLVE FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND OUR HARRY BACK, RIGHT WHERE HE BELONGS PUBLICLY. 💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻PG😊😊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜
Thank you😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
*Entertainment purposes
GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿
Thank you PG...you keep it interesting....😊💜💜💜💜💜💜
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2019 has been a year for me, it's been filled with firsts and surprises and set backs and heart break and it has opened my eyes.
This year
My older sister and one of my older brothers both got married and my big sister moved away I can't Express enough how happy and proud I am of her for following her heart and ignoring the haters and how much I love and miss her but I'm happy she's happy and the same for my big brother he met the love of his life and they got married and I'm happy and proud of him and love him even though we bump heads a lot 😂.
I have started tharapy for my depression and anxiety and I am lucky enough to say I found an amazing tharapist the first time round she is wonderful and amazing and beautiful and I can't thank her enough for everything she's done and is still doing for me, she honestly cares about her clients and she's funny so thank you universe for giving me her in my life.
I'm also on medication for my depression and anxiety and honestly I hate meditation and I'm hoping that 2020 will be a better year and I can work on my self a lot so I can take down my medication so here's a new year's resolution lmao.
I got a new baby sister and I love her and honestly she is the light of my life she always makes me smile and laugh and happy and makes me feel better when I'm at my worst she helps me want to live and encourages me to keep going I literally cannot Express how much I love this baby girl I always wanted another baby sibling and I got one and secretly always wanted another baby sister she is literally my sunshine and she saved me.
I rediscovered my love for reading and have so many good books this year, there has been a couple series that have been life changing for me one of them is the shadowhunter chronicles and it has made me a better person had helped me grow as a person has showed me that love and family and friends and your unique talents are the most important and that being your true self is more important then anything and has taught me that I may be small but I can do bigger things then I could ever imagine it has taught me that who your family is is not who you are that who your father was is not going to define you only you can do that and that love is stronger than anything and once have it don't let it go and that we don't choose who we fall in love with and that it's the hardest yet most worth it thing you'll ever find and it doesn't matter what kind of love it is romantic or platonic or important to you it has taught me I shouldn't be ashamed of who I am and that my past is a part of me but doesn't define my future and to not change for anyone and game of thrones has had an impact on my life it has taught me the same things as the shadowhunter chronicles but a big lesson from both is that people are not black and white they're gray we make good decisions we make bad and that's what makes us human we love who we love and will do whatever it costs and make selfish decisions but again that is human, they both have taught me that you should put family first that you should protect them at all costs and it has taught me that sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for them and honestly I can't think of a better way to live life, to love fiercely, to love with your whole self they have taught me that sometimes you have to break to become who you're really supposed to be and that breaking down and feeling emotions doesn't make you weak and honestly I could go on and on about this but then we might have chapters worth of writing and to add one more thing they have honestly made me want to live and have saved my life. So thank you Cassandra clare and George r r Martin for writing your stories and inspiring young people like me.
Ok this is a hard thing to talk about and I am not looking for attention cause if you truly know me then you know I don't like to be in the spot light, I don't like to make it all about me and I don't like to lead vary much but I have to vary often but anyways, this year in july was a hard month for me my depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts were the worst they have ever been and one of the things my tharapist has encouraged me to do is share my story and so here we are I attempted suicide and was taken to the hospital where there took me to a place called the calm center and that was the start of my life changing journey I spent a week at the calm center and met people who were going through the same stuff i was I made good friends but sadly we lost touch cause we're not allowed to share personal information but they will always play a part in my life and I will never forget them and since then I have started tharapy and have gotten so much better and in a better spot and I have made so many friends online who are the most amazing and I love them they play a huge part in my life and my family I am happy I can say are the most supportive and accepting of this whole thing and I couldn't be more thankful for them my mom is the strongest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing she has raised me to be the same I just didn't always realize her way of doing it so the reason I'm strong is because I'm being raised by one of the strongest person I know and I love her more then I could ever tell her in words I couldn't have made it as far as I have without her she's my biggest fan. And my step dad has had a huge impact on my like he has taught me how a real man should act and how you should be honest and truthful and that you should stand up for yourself and that you can love children who aren't your own and them still be like their your own he is vary important in my life we bump heads but I love him and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. So getting back the incident I have struggled with self harming as well for years just hid it vary well until recently but like I said I'm in a better place but this is always going to be a hard thing to talk about so please have understanding and compassion for me and don't press the hate button.
And this is not even all of it but some of it I can't share just yet but I can say is that I'm following my dreams and that my family is growing which I love and that I'm growing as a person more and more everyday and I'm still finding out who I am everyday and you are to so be kind to yourself take time for yourself and take care of yourself and be healthy, eat healthy, exercise even if it's just taking a walk, drank water, eat even if you hate it like I do on most days you need it and you deserve it you don't need to exercise to earn food remember that and try to love yourself even though it's one of the hardest things to do and it takes the longest to accept yourself the way you are and love yourself which is why I want to encourage you to take care of yourself and to be kinder and more compassionate to love harder let these be your new year's resolution and just be better and let yourself grow.
One of my new year's resolution Is to try to start writing everyday and to keep on growing and let's stop spreading hate and being rude and remember it's ok to have your own opinion and to dislike something or someone but it is not ok to bully someone to hate on someone to spread hate in their safe spaces and to make them feel like their worthless and like their shit for like it and so if you don't like please be respectful of the people who do and let's try to understand that there are boundaries to not cross hurting other people in order to make yourself feel better is not okay so let's have 2020 be a year with more love and compassion and kindness and empathy, cause the world is already mean and unkind enough and so vary hateful and harmful so let's try to make a difference this year and also let's try to use more reusable things in 2020 and do better for the environment and this world let's save our oceans and sea creatures and animals cause they are beautiful and have a place on this earth just as much as we do and they deserve love as well I don't know about you but I love animals and it hurts me when I see them abused or hurt because they are lovely and don't deserve that let's be better, let's be the change, let's be the beautiful and remember you are beautiful and wonderful and amazing and deserving of love and deserving of happiness.
So from the bottom of my heart let 2020 be better year and a better mental health year for everyone and let's be better this new year.
With love and peace becca lynn. ❤🖤🧡🌙🌠🌑
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i’m asking about your dragon age characters
molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now
anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts
uhhh so the worldstates r as follows
eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively
shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men
this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up
twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So
riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend
malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to
knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet
i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery
kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide
also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia
gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]
i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom
i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage
unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.
riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.
gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)
shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her
leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off
shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general
uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:
eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)
alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)
hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)
mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.
bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything
eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.
speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them
“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”
eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.
none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).
syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.
[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated
i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family
i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you
yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.
fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,
so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.
“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”
alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled
i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas
kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not
just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.
#sol.txt#sol.orig#long post#late night followers im SO sorry for this#but also like.#i love them so yall just have 2 cope w/ it#no thoughts head dragon age#peonydarling
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Fighting Dragons with You
After twelve years, I'm finally telling the internet why I love Taylor Swift🖤
Hello, internet using world. I’d like to introduce myself to the few people who followed me. Hi! My name is Christa and I am a Taylor Swift fan with every fiber of my being. Full disclosure, this is a short novel so now is your chance to make an exit, but I hope you stay.
Taylor and my ridiculously furry cat, Lyle
(affectionately nicknamed “rent-free”), are the only two beings made of flesh and bone who have been consistent in my life for the last 12 years. With a close second being my son, Gauge, who just turned 10. I won’t get into the details (in this post) as to why that is, but let’s just say there were a lot of ups and downs growing up.
The last 12 years have been an evolution for Taylor,
and subsequently, for me. At (dare I say it)
38 years old, I’ve found that a lot of things happen in a decade. Like, A LOT. Now, I don’t feel 38. I guess I owe that to humor, singing, dancing, sarcasm, and launching a successful career that didn’t exist 15 years ago —something that has made me always push harder to set new goals and stay humble. But one thing I didn’t do over these last 12 years that I deeply regret was starting a fan page for Taylor. I mean, ESPECIALLY since I’m a professional travel blogger who makes her full time living from digital content!
There’s been a lot of momentum over the last 12 years
—demands which left me with little to no free time. But I can’t blame my absence from the Swiftie family entirely on that. In fact, I’d have to say, I blame much of it on fear.
Fear,
of being misunderstood, fear of judgment or writing something lame. I’ve had over 2,000 articles published online and in print as well as countless social posts, but the thought of Taylor seeing something I wrote and thinking it’s totally weird (or cough, too long for the internet), well let’s just say I’d be less afraid of walking into a burning building.
Fear,
of being called a fake because the financial demands as a single mom left me little money to spend on myself or Taylor merchandise, much less tickets to a show. I’ve always placed my son’s needs before mine.
Fear,
that I was too old to be a Taylor Swift fan. I mean, I was 26 when she hit the music scene and she was what, 16? I’ve been afraid. Afraid I would be rejected by other Swifties who really are the only people who understand this love we have for her —which is basically like being rejected by your own people. Also, it’s super weird to be following teens/young adults on social, much less engaging with them.
Fear.
Along with my fear, a perfect storm of entrepreneurial demands, single motherhood, failed relationships (one of which was a marriage), and family matters have served as a constant reminder that my dream of ever meeting Taylor takes residence on another planet. An actual trip to Mars seemed more attainable.
I feel like there is a whole demographic of women, “Swiftie Moms” who echo my story,
having watched Taylor grow into the strong beautiful woman she's become. Women my age who love her from behind the wheel of their SUV, on the way to drop their kids off to school, on the way back from a milk run, in the dark hours of the mornings when they’re dancing in the kitchen with a full on hair bun singing into a coffee spoon. Unnoticed fans who haven’t had the time to dive head first into the Swiftie Universe. But here I am. After all the fear and all the years...
So, why?
This is a hard one to answer. I guess you can say that after many years of challenges, judgment from others, and doing the complete opposite of what logic and reason said I should —divorce, single motherhood, a second degree in my late twenties... risking it all to start a blog (which by the way in 2013 wasn’t even considered a side job much less a career), I kind of got to a point where I became
fearless.
I had to be. I had this tiny living, breathing human being who was counting on me at the very least, to give him a life a notch above the shit show I had growing up. Not to mention parenting —which is basically wandless wizardry pulled directly from the asses of parents. It demands that your mini human grows up to be a better human than you.
Yeah, unpack that.
Take all your collective shit, figure it out, and then teach your mini to do it better —to BE better than you at love, kindness, respect for others (especially boys respecting girls), integrity, money, and to be fearless. All while giving them the comfort of knowing that you, mom, have it all figured out... even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Top that with the pressures of working in the public eye
—which, while on a microscopic level compared to a full-on celebrity such as Taylor, is still very much a juggling act with none of the entourage to lighten the workload. Add to it the demands of working with national brands, and the unwavering ability for other bloggers to tear you down at any opportunity, or even worse, try to get close to you so they can raid your success like a Black Friday sale.
I found myself at the peak of my blogging career
but I was consumed by fear, AGAIN! Fear of shady AF bloggers and publicists, and so much to lose. And fear that now, thousands of people would have an opinion of me formed by jealous bloggers, and they didn’t even know who I really was.
That’s when letting go of toxic people in my life became essential
—when, no matter who they were, or how I was tied to them, I had to realize that surrounding myself with the ones who lifted me took precedence over the ones who dragged me down.
After all that..... I learned to give zero f***s about what people thought, or what they said behind my back.
And I had to start caring about what made my heart happy, what made my family and friends smile, and what inspired me to do better. BE BETTER. Be the example of fearless, with the hope that I was lucky enough to stay that way. But I'm a vulnerable human made of heart and soul and sometimes people can still take the best from me.
I had to be fearless.
In August of 2017 when "Look What You Made Me Do” blessed my ears for the first time, I felt it pierce my skin and course through my veins. And to the very bones of this young 38-year-old Swiftie mom, I was shook AF! I sang, I danced and I drowned out the haters in the blogging world. She had a very clear message,
She had zero f***s to give, Taylor broke the internet.
After watching the seemingly endless myriad of shade thrown at Taylor over the years, my heart erupted with happiness as her flawless first single from Reputation revealed one BADASS BITCH. And with every music video release of her new era, she became a mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers. Like, I legit think she’s an actual unicorn. After all, she does ride a caticorn named Olivia.
She got harder, she got smarter in the nick of time
One single post on my Facebook page praising her new era and new single she brought with it attracted a slew of hate speech, white people bashing, claims of Taylor ripping off Beyonce... I couldn’t believe the things I was reading from fellow bloggers. I even had a GLOBAL BRAND threaten my business relationship in their ambassador program because I stood up for Taylor and spoke out about the hate speech which was placed on my own personal Facebook page. But I stood by my words.
Fearless.
Over the following months into early 2018, and to the tune of, “This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things”, I, along with a slew of about 20 other bloggers, ended up taking down said global brand’s publicist who was using his budget and power to demean and sexually harass female bloggers (which would later reveal that blacklisting me was more about not buying into that bullshit rather than my voice on hate speech).
Zero f***s given to those haters.
Mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers level officially achieved for Taylor, and even for me. Although I wouldn’t call myself a Goddess. That's all Tay. 🖤
She found love through the noise
And so did I. In November of 2017, I had approached the year anniversary of the greatest love I'd ever known. My last stop. And as the tracks played on, my heart was full. We both found happiness through a seemingly endless sea of anguish.
Taylor is truly doing better than she ever was, and so am I.
Her resilience up against the media and the demands of the industry are perfectly fearless. And her decision to keep her beautifully growing relationship with Joe private is wise. I’ve spent the last year at home, which has been incredible. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s most important to me, what has shaped me into the mom, partner and entrepreneur that I am, and it all comes back to Taylor. That’s why it’s time for me to be fearless again and officially join the Swiftie universe.
I’ve spent 12 years fighting dragons with Taylor
and growing a canyon of respect and adoration for her charm, wit, business savvy, musical talent, feminism, compassion, tenacity, love for animals, and of course her lovely, lovely, words. I’ve raised my son from birth with her. There isn't a single day that is spent where Taylor doesn't exist in our lives. For 12 years straight.
That’s a long time to love someone who has no idea you exist.
I play her music videos and YouTube uploads just so I can feel like she’s with us. And so my son knows that she’s one of the finest examples of a human being in his lifetime. I use Taylor’s kindness to teach my son how to be considerate and give back to others while sharing her fearless story with him so she can be a positive role model in his life. Taylor has essentially been part of our family all along.
My son Gauge has a running joke that Taylor is the only person that can make me cry
(which happens more than I'm willing to admit). And it’s not because I’m weak, or on the verge of a mental breakdown (although I challenge you to try parenting, you might argue that), it’s because I truly love her like a best friend. When I see her happy it makes me happy, when I feel her sadness, it makes me sad. It’s visceral.
I don't believe the human connection is meant to be one-sided.
I feel in my heart, as weird as this may sound, that we will meet Taylor one day, even against all odds. Existing in the same lifetime as Taylor without at least trying to meet her doesn't feel right. I won't look at my son and teach him to let fear and doubt win, or that defying the odds is an impossible task.
Over the years I’ve been a spectator to her outreach to fans. She’s invited them to sessions in her homes, sent them gifts, invited them backstage, surprised them in their homes, made hospital visits, and Lord knows what else she has up her sleeve. And it’s all been done with pure excitement and love for her Swifties. With each outreach she extends, tears of joy are shed for fellow Swifties, and a ray of hope inspires me.
So, I’m starting a personal blog
which tells a very personal story of all the dragons I’ve fought with Taylor over the years. From living in a car at 15 years old to getting invited to LA premieres for Walt Disney and Marvel films. And I'll have no apologies for the truths that will be told (but will change names for privacy). It will be very personal and some of it won’t be pretty. Because life isn’t always pretty.
Taylor is releasing another album this year... we hope,
and she’ll be on yet another tour in 2020. After 12 years I’m finally ready for it. I’ve given my son everything he could possibly want or need. I’ve bought him a beautiful home in Northern Georgia. He’s been able to travel the world and do things most adults haven’t even done. And I owe much of that to Taylor for giving me the strength to take major risks, the courage to face my demons, the balls to cut people out of my life who were toxic and the self-confidence to defy the odds and do things my way.
2019 is our year to show @taylorswift how much we love her.
I’ll let the universe do the rest. Till then, I’ll be fighting dragons with her as I always have and writing my journal for her and anyone else who wants to read the memoirs of an OG Swiftie mom who keeps it real AF, full-on hair bun and all.
#taylor#taylorswift#taylurking#taylornation#taylor swift#taylor13#taylorswift13#taylornation13#fightingdragons#swifties#swiftie#tswift13#deartaylor#dear taylor
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youtube
Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc
The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!
#ACLA24#ACLA24HighSchoolStudents#youtube#youtube video#climate leaders#climate solutions#climate action#climate and environment#climate#climate change#climate and health#climate blog#climate justice#climate news#weather and climate#environmental news#environment#environmental awareness#environment and health#environmental#environmental issues#environmental education#environmental justice#environmental protection#environmental health#high school students#high school#youth#youth of america#school
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I will have a go at this question. Sansa seems to be a topic of choice lately. Sansa is a highly divisive character. Some adore her. Others absolutely hate her. I will attempt to be objective about her journey. I will focus more on the book character, with a bit of show Sansa added in parts.
There is a specific group of people who hate Sansa. Many members seem to be men. Whilst I think hatred of Sansa is unjustified. It is reasonable to suggest some men dislike her because it is very difficult for us to relate to a young Sansa. She is a little lady who believes in nobility, elitism, and lady-like courtesies. She also has a veil over her eyes, dreaming of gallant white knights who are beautiful, chivalrous, true and a maid’s fantasy. Male readers/viewers find this very difficult to relate to. We never dream of white knights. And we certainly do not want one to come to our rescue and marry us. Hence, we find young Sansa quite annoying. Moreover, GoT/ASOIAF is a series for mature adults. As mature individuals, we know that white knights do not exist. Absolute chivalrous saints who protect the weak and die bravely with tears in their eyes are faux. Sansa’s initial dreams and notions are not relatable to adults. We find it child-like and ‘stupid’. Sansa’s dreams may not necessarily be stupid. Young girls may have such dreams, as young boys perhaps have dreams of being a race-car driver or astronaut cowboy. But as an adult, any of these notions seem childish and laughable. Which is what Sansa is. A child with fanciful dreams. It is not fair to hate her for her dreams. It is however quite possible to find her annoying. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Sansa is the last of her siblings to grow up and see the world around her for what it truly is. Her direwolf describes her nature very well. Lady was the most elegant (for the lack of a better word) and trusting of the direwolves. That is who Sansa was. She was quite trusting and lady-like with her courtesies. Sansa falls for the superficial charms of Joffrey, his mother, and the southern charms. It is worth noting that Sansa is quite ambitious. Even as a child, she wants to be the queen of the 7 kingdoms. She idolizes the Lannister clan. As readers, we have a different perspective. We are introduced to evil, incestuous Lannisters. Then, Sansa sides with them. Despite all their nasty showings, Sansa sticks by them. She wishes and assumes Joffrey to be a gallant prince. She changes her ways to southern ways.
In the books, the readers are first introduced to the Stark family, the de facto protagonists. Ned is the ultimate good guy and we love his children. Sansa rebelling against the Stark family bothers the audience/readers. I assume readers with teenage girls would know better and understand Sansa’s behavior. The rest of us do not. It is easy to dislike Sansa. In contrast to her, there is Arya. She is ever the Stark and the wolf-girl. GoT is meant to be action-packed, a fantasy series. We prefer to see the action and the characters involved in it. Sansa is not one of them. Dresses, flowers and the thought of gallant knights are uninteresting and not relatable.
Sansa continues to worship Joffrey and the queen despite the events on the Trident. She blames Arya for the ordeal and is angry with her father about Lady’s death. Lady’s death was Cersei’s fault. Ned had no choice and Robert gave in. Whilst Ned has the right of it that a future queen must support her betrothed, I don’t think Sansa sees it the same way. Sansa withheld the truth not to have Joffrey dislike her. Not to reveal his cowardice. It was not essentially supported as a future spouse. It was self-service. To be liked.
Fast forward to Ned’s demise. This is the pivotal moment for Sansa and the opinion of the audience regarding her character. Sansa haters blame her solely for Ned’s downfall. Sansa adorers defend her tooth and nail, suggesting she had nothing to do with it as it was Baelish who betrayed Ned. I am here to say both of these groups are wrong.
Ned’s demise was multi-factorial. Sansa not divulging what she knew to the queen would not have saved Ned. As Ned was quite the imbecile in the Game of Thrones. Ned was betrayed on different fronts. No single person was the sole cause of his downfall. Baelish, Cersei, Janos, Sansa and Ned himself all played a role. To support my idea, I will appeal to authority. The following is GRRM’s opinion on Sansa and Ned’s demise.
The way I see it, it is not a case of all or nothing. No single person is to blame for Ned's downfall. Sansa played a role, certainly, but it would be unfair to put all the blame on her. But it would also be unfair to exonerate her. She was not privy to all of Ned's plans regarding Stannis, the gold cloaks, etc... but she knew more than just that her father planned to spirit her and Arya away from King's Landing. She knew when they were to leave, on what ship, how many men would be in their escort, who would have the command, where Arya was that morning, etc... all of which was useful to Cersei in planning and timing her move.
Ned's talk with Littlefinger was certainly a turning point, though I am not sure I would call it =the= turning point. There were other crucial decisions that could easily have changed all had they gone differently. You mention Ned's refusal of Renly, which was equally critical. And there is Varys to consider, as well as the minor but crucial player everyone forgets -- Janos Slynt, who might have chosen just to do his duty instead of selling the gold cloaks to the highest bidder.
So... all in all, I suppose my answer would be that there is no single villain in the piece who caused it all, but rather a good half dozen players whose actions were all in part responsible for what happened.[1]
Sansa did have a hand in Ned’s downfall. Perhaps, she and Arya could have got away to Winterfell and that would have changed the course of future events. However, ‘what if’ scenarios are impossible to address. What would have happened if Sansa didn’t share information with the queen can never truly be ascertained.
Considering this is where the most hatred for Sansa comes from, it is important to note that she had no malicious intent. She never wanted her father dead, or her family torn apart. Ned, as the adult, should have taken better preventative measures lest he falls. However, Sansa being ‘innocently in love’ is not an excuse to forgive her. She didn’t necessarily betray Ned. She did, however, commit an act that played a part in a chain of events that had heinous outcomes.
Fast forward to Sansa’s time in court on her own. This is when she pays for her mistake. ASOIAF characters pay dearly for their mistakes, often with their lives. Sansa, fortunately, did not lose her life. But she did suffer. This is another contentious part of Sansa’s story-line. Sansa supporters suggest she survived the court through her intelligence, femininity, and courtly behavior which became her armor. Others suggest she deserved everything she suffered. Once again, I would say it is neither. Not many in the story deserve what happens to them, as the consequences of mistakes are often dire. Sansa’s suffering was not deserved. Her punishment is that she will have to live through life knowing those whom she trusted and admired beheaded her father and destroyed her family. She will have to live with the understanding that her conversation with the queen played a part in the demise of the Starks in King’s Landing. That she played a part in her father’s death.
Conversely, it was very likely that she would survive King’s Landing anyway. She was a hostage. Robb had Jaime as a captive. Cersei didn’t dare murder Sansa lest they receive Jaime’s head as a gift. Sansa’s life was certain to be safe. She simply endured and went through the tribulation. Her courtly armor and femininity would not have saved her if Jaime died. She did, however, go through a learning curve that opened her eyes to the world. She realized that princes are not gallant. Queens are something different beneath their exterior beauty. Knights are not chivalrous and they do not save the weak. And she is a pawn, in a bigger game. In the game of thrones.
For all her sincerity and good heart, Sansa is still an elitist at heart. It is to do with her upbringing and her mother who raised her in a southern way. She does lash out and make those below her feel bad. But that is because she is hurt, she is angry. She does not have a copy of the books to read Tyrion’s chapters and understand he means her no harm. From Sansa’s point of view, everyone is her enemy and if she can degrade anyone, she will.
Sansa is quite naive as any child would be. She trusted in Margaery and her grandmother, thinking they genuinely want to help her. She failed to understand that they want Winterfell. Her claim. And her claim meant the death of her brother, Robb.
I think this is the turning point for Sansa. Once she realizes that the other nobles respect and help her purely for her claim is when the glass breaks. The veil is removed from Sansa’s eyes.
Sansa rapidly develops both in mind and body post the battle of Blackwater. It is a turning point for her. Perhaps it helped to see Joffrey for the little scared boy that he was, Cersei for the drunk vindictive woman that she was, or the Hound, who broke free of his duties and chose to create his own path and destiny. Her journey to the Vale and in the Vale allows her to grow into a very clever woman who can use her charms and wit to become privy to secrets of the big players, i.e. Littlefinger. And gain influence over others. She is on the road to no longer being a pawn. She is gradually becoming a player. She is still inexperienced as the bigger players such as Randa and the Royces are aware of the underhanded schemes in the Vale. However, soon she will learn to break free of mentors and be on her own. Her powers are largely untapped. She is a Warg in the books. She will have a profound influence on the outcome of the Game of Thrones.
I find her plot quite nonsensical on the show. She does not develop politically much. She is not privy to and in the middle of the political web and intrigue, Littlefinger weaves. The show has butchered her character and Baelish’s by thrusting her into Jeyne Poole’s plot. They had to have Sansa as a strong character in season 7, and so far it seems that her suffering and rape at the hands of Ramsay made her all that she is. Which is quite wrong. One does not become cunning and politically savvy post-trauma and rape. By all rights, Sansa should be suffering from severe PTSD as Theon is. Jeyne Poole is the perfect example of a trauma victim. Not Sansa.
For the book readers, and those who would like to read the books, I recommend that you keep an open mind with Sansa’s PoVs. She will annoy you. She will exasperate and vex you with dreams of flowers and pretty boys. However, take note of what happens in her chapters. To those around her. And the conversations. Sansa is quite attuned to her surroundings and environments. She senses scents, colors, and events in a different manner than the other characters. Much of the events in her chapters are hidden clues and symbolism for the situation in the texts as a whole. Give her chapters a chance and read them carefully, as you would with your favorite characters. Sansa is initially annoying, you are allowed to judge her, criticize her, dislike her, but not hate her. She does not deserve the hatred she receives. Nor the absolute adoration that makes her seem like the epitome of strength and empowerment.
Sansa is a character in ASOIAF. She is a Stark, and she is a grey character. She has her good moments and her bad. She is improving towards her better moments. She may have lapses in judgment in the future and make mistakes. However, one should treat her without bias. Judge her for her bad deeds, applaud her for the good. It is difficult to be objective about a character whose mistake hurt a beloved character like Ned. But this is ASOIAF. All men must die. Ride the journey to the ending as it is all supposed to elicit emotive responses from us.
Footnotes
[1] Correspondence with Fans
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Hans’ possible Redemption Arc PART 1: Deconstructing Hans' character
Hey, guys! So this is my first post analysis, meta, observation, whatever you wanna call it, so if it’s seems incomplete or lacks of depth please add your opinions as well! Also English is not my first language but argentine Spanish, papá, so don’t judge me plz. I don’t want to encounter with any anti or hater, and if you have the necessity to speak your mind anyways, do it but in a cordial way.
I’m going to divide this post in 3 parts I think, since is very long, and I have a lot to say for my favorite Jerk redhead Prince 😆
Ok, let’s start, shall we?
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1) Is he really a sociopath?
You know, this is something that upsets me quite a bit. The fact that you can just say “Oh well, he’s a sociopath so he’s manipulative and lacks of empathy” is something that annoys me a little, or at the very least, disappoints me. TBH, you don’t need to be a sociopath (a psychological and mental condition) to be manipulative, apathetic or cruel. I’m trying not to rationalize his actions in Frozen, because he still was wrong by harming two innocent women, but by saying that he’s a sociopath it makes his character a little more… shallow? Simpler? My point is, that a shitty toxic person can be anyone, and it simplifies the complexity that they brought on the table on the first place.
But the questions still remains, is he truly a sociopath?
Is tricky, since we know nothing except that his family is shit, and that he is a chameleon, a mirror to other people. By the end of the movie, and by the interviews that Jennifer Lee gave to us, it seems to me that he does have sociopathic traits, but he is not a sociopath per se. Hans can be a sociopath, as much as he could be not, if it’s given a proper character in-depth and backstory.
I think that by calling Hans a sociopath is an easy way to make the GA and the Frozen Fandom to disconnect with him since statistically we have normal-functioning brain, and because people with ASPD diagnose have a negative -though justified most of the time- stigma surrounding them.
2) Grey Morality: The line between good and bad, where we all fall.
“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.”
― Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke.
As I said before, I like the idea of a morally questionable prince. A more grounded, realistic, game of throne-like character as Hans is. What I don’t like, is the seemingly automatic white to black view that we have for Hans, while at the same time, we have one of our protagonist letting almost die a whole kingdom, and her sister, to escape her duties and crippling fears –unintentionally, but still-. An empath or normal person can commit crime or bad things given in extremes situations of distress, anger, etc. And we see that with our own eyes in Elsa. She almost gets tempted to kill two men, you can see the fury in her eyes, in her face.
It is self defense, yes. But regardless of that, her people knew nothing about her powers and they just knew that she cursed them and ran away. No matter how morally wrong Hans was by trying to kill Elsa, or letting Anna die, he also helped her. He helped them both.
If she indeed killed those men here, I don’t think anyone whould’ve ever trusted her. Not even her own men, whom remember, they witnessed her actions and they were attacked too.
A normal person lies. A normal person manipulates. Heck, we even can choose to not feel empathy if it is inconvenient for ourselves. How many times did you pretend to feel empathy for someone just to make them feel comfortable? How many times did you see a homeless person asking for a money and you just walked away?
Again, I’m not trying to normalize these negative traits, but to be sincere about it. And is something that makes us very complex as human beings, we are true neutrals, and we can be good or bad, depending of the actions taken at certain moments, and how it impacts to others.
Yes, some people are irredeemable monsters, but I don’t think that’s Hans’ case. And so he does have redeemable qualities as well, even if it might be for personal gain, or perhaps some of his actions were genuine, we don’t know for sure.
When did we not see an ambiguous morality in Frozen? Or when did we not see ambiguous morality in some Disney characters, in general? Is hard to find, but we do certainly have our morally wrong characters redeemed. Here are a few:
- Abused both physically and psychologically Cinderella.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Imprisoned Belle.
-Verbally violent towards his subjects and Belle.
-Almost harms physically Belle.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Killed a bear out of vengeance.
-Let motherless a bear cub, that after he would befriend.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Almost kill a bear out of vengeance too. On top of that, was his own brother (though he didn’t know).
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Tried to kill Simba and take his pride.
-(invoked) Forced mating with Kiara.
-Almost attacks Simba.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Tried to kill Simba.
-Attacked the lionesses of his pride.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-He was an asshole to everyone.
-He ordered a guard to throw an old man through a window (still lol).
-He tried to let homeless a whole village for his selfish desires.
-He betrayed Pacha’s trust.
-He let Pacha on his own fate (probably to die).
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-Along with Syndrome, she plotted the death of many superheros, including Mr. Incredible.
-Almost kill Mr. Incredible.
-She almost kill a whole family, including the children.
CURRENT STATE: Redeemed.
-He tried to kill Elsa, and let Anna die alone for personal gain.
-Deceived Anna, Elsa and everyone else.
-Plotted the death of Elsa at some point in the movie (unclear when exactly).
-Degraded verbaly Anna.
-He tried to break Elsa’s heart to make her give up her life.
Redeemable Qualities:
-He took care of Arendelle while Elsa and Anna were gone (though, it still can be interpreted as gaining popularity).
-He went off to look out for Anna.
-He ordered the Arendelle guards and the Merchant’s not to harm Elsa.
-He calmed Elsa’s rage, avoiding her to kill.
-He tried to reason with her.
Elsa is shown that suffers of guilt and insecurities, yet throughout the majority of the movie, she still rejects Anna and her responsibilities as Queen. Even to a point where she witnesses hurting Anna with her magic,
yet she just casts her away from her Ice Castle. Or after the misery that she caused -and she’s visibly hurt by that- she’s still thinking of running away, instead of trying to change things. Hans pleaded her to stop the winter and bring back summer, but she said that she couldn’t.
My goal here is not victim-blaming. I’m not blaming Elsa for her insecurities or self-defense actions. But her character at the end of the film, has a lazy realization, and for me, an unsatisfactory conclusion in terms of story-telling, because we never she her develop for herself, or working hard to balance her bad actions throughout the end of the movie, but anyway.
I’m not trying to rationalize morally questionable/wrong actions either. A good action doesn’t cancel the bad one, but my main interest is to analyze the human psyche, character growth and development.
3) Love and Fear: a constant subject in Frozen, and a constant subject for a “Prince”.
So cut through the heart, cold and clear
Strike for love and strike for fear
See the beauty, sharp and sheer
Split the ice apart, and break the frozen heart.
—Disney’s Frozen “Heart”
DID HANS ACT ONLY OUT OF COLD AMBITION, OR HE WAS ALSO AFRAID?
For what we know from A Frozen Heart, interviews and extra information, is that Hans is abused so much by his brothers, that he just accepted their behavior and doesn’t fight back, is something normal for him. Nor he tries to improve his relationship with them. His relationship with his father is also painfully cold and toxic, and their dynamics are comparable to Zuko and Ozai, Tyrion and Tywin, or Theon and Balon. Hans seems to have an inferiority-superiority complex, and so, his pride is fragile and as well (just as previous Zuko, Theon and Tyrion).
But how? He’s very charming, and his body language never shows signals of insecurity (though that’s debatable). Or when he confesses his true intentions to Anna he has a sexy smug smile in his face, and his voice is soft and low, cruel and never trembling. How is that I believe that he was afraid or scared? Well, the movie itself states that he does have a terrible relationship with his brothers, the novelizations extends this to his father.
So by knowing this, a person copes with the pain and abuse in different ways: Elsa’s fear is hurting her loved ones, so she forced herself to an emotional -and literal- isolation towards them, specially with Anna. In Hans’ case, his fears are being trapped forever in his “home”, and being rejected by his father. So his way to acclimatizing himself in such negative environment, is to avoid his true feelings and morality. Avoiding his true identity, in essence. Thus, becoming into the Mirror Hans (more on that later), allowing him to become the very thing that he actively tried to avoid for years.
I think that here’s the point where he started to panic; where the fear of going back to his depressive life, and the taste of power that Anna gave him when she left him in charge, took him over completely, forcing himself to toss apart any bit of true morality and compassion that he had for Anna and Elsa. Where his mind started to realize that executing Elsa was the only way to bring things back to normal.
But is also the fact that Anna dissapeared, and Elsa was the only rightful heir to Arendelle, so his conflict was “What do I do? What’s next?” If Hans decided at the moment to execute her, and Anna was dissapeared, he wouldn’t get to be King of Arendelle, and he would back to his hell home. His conflict is both emotional and materialistic, and fear started to get under his skin too. Some might argue that he’s just reflecting Elsa’s emotions, which is valid, but keep in mind his goals, his backstory; try to read him beyond what the movie told you. Link the dots to picture his mind.
Some other might point out this scene.
[SIDENOTE: To me, it seems like another atempt to make us dislike him more. In my eyes, is like that the creators tried to manipulate us to hate him, but anyway don’t mind my defensiveness towards him LOL. He’s a terrible person Angie! Stop it, goddamit!]
It interpreted this part as Hans joy of finally seeing the chance of escaping his prisonic home, dehumanizing Elsa completly. WHICH IS BAD regardless. Is he a sadist? The book implies that he takes pleasure in feeling physical pain, but he does not take pleasure on harming others.
So to me, is a smile of almost getting to win a big bad in a videogame, or well... that’s the type of face when I’m about to eat a pizza so, IDK :v 🤷♀️
THE MACHIAVELLIAN KING VS THE MACHIAVELLIAN PRINCE: The Lion and the Fox.
One of the reasons that Hans didn’t fit his family -besides being the smaller and weaker member of them-, is that his morale and philosophy clashed with the imposing, hard power that his father values. Being flexible and benevolent to the common people is a sign of weakness for Hans’ father and brothers. The king sees himself and his other sons as strong and powerful as lions, and he compares Hans to a mouse because he doesn’t fight back, nor shares his value of hard power. The King’s philosophy is kinda like Darwinism with Machiavellian shades. So in one side, we have the cruel side of the Machiavellian philosophy, the one that values fear over love:
“From this arises the question whether it is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved. It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.”
“One can say this in general of men: they are ungrateful, disloyal, insincere and deceitful, timid of danger and avid of profit...Love is a bond of obligation that these miserable creatures break whenever it suits them to do so; but fear holds them fast by a dread of punishment that never passes.”
But in Hans’ side, he believes (or puts in practice, at least) that appearances and benevolent acts are better way to influence people, to gain more popularity. This is the softer side of power, the more deceitful and diplomatic Machiavellian route:
“Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are.”
“Never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.”
“Therefore it is unnecessary for a prince to have all the good qualities I have enumerated, but it is very necessary to appear to have them. And I shall dare to say this also, that to have them and always to observe them is injurious, and that to appear to have them is useful; to appear merciful, faithful, humane, religious, upright, and to be so, but with a mind so framed that should you require not to be so, you may be able and know how to change to the opposite.”
So we see the two opposing sides of the Machiavellian philosophy, one relies on hard power, and the other in subtle power. In essence, Hans’ father rejects the soft power because of his imposing pride and ego. But both characters share the same Machiavellian influence in their beliefs, the only difference is that Hans takes no joy in being cruel and tyrannical, thus preferring the softer, more subtle side of power.
Yet at the end of the day, he embraces the cruelty, and fails to become the hero he expected to become, and by the time he realizes his mistakes and regains his morality, is too late.
What I’d like to see in Hans’ Redemption Arc, is a discussion between the characters (mainly Hans and Elsa) about this matter. An intellectual battle, and him realizing that his father was wrong. Not so in-your-face, because I can see people getting bored over political philosophy, but in a metaphorical way. And Hans coming in terms that deceitfulness and fear, aren’t the only way to gain trust, but love and true friendship as well.
He can be a fox, and a lion too.
“The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince
Part 2 Here
#disney#disney meta#frozen#frozen meta#frozen fandom#prince hans#hans#redeem hans#niccolo machiavelli#the prince#elsa#anna#disney villains#disney princes#redeemed villains
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Taylor Swift Lover Reaction
The day's here. Taylor Swift released her new album Lover, so I'm going to talk about it. I've been super hyped for this album ever since Me! was released and I was excited to see what Taylor was going to do after Reputation. It definitely looked that after the darker tone of Reputation, we were going to get more of a lighter tone for the TS7 era.
How I'm going to do this, with each song, I'm just going to give some thoughts I have on it. Some songs, I have more to say and others, I have less to say.
1. I Forgot That You Existed
It's an interesting song to start the album with. The first part of the journey into the Lover era is moving away from the toxicity you've experienced which makes sense, once you move away from the hate, you can begin to love. Interesting to see where it'll lead. And I totally feel Taylor on this. It really is a magical moment when you've been bothered by someone so much but then bam! a moment hits and you realize you don't care about them anymore. It really is kind of freeing.
2. Cruel Summer
Hello, Speak Now days! How I've missed you! I've never really complained about Taylor's change in genre, I really liked both 1989 and Reputation but I still do carry a flame for Speak Now when she had that mix of country, rock, and pop and I'll always miss those days. So to hear the style come back a little bit in the form of the wide, all-encompassing bombastic sound this song had, well, it was a real treat for sure.
3. Lover
A song I'm familiar with. This was released early as a single so it's gotten some radio play. It's a cute song and I love the slightest echo she puts on her voice in post production to create the sound. It really gives something to the overall vibe of the song. With all that said, Lover is not a song I'm too terribly "in love with", pardon the pun. I don't mind it, I think it's cute and I'll sing along with it on the radio, but it's not something I'll go out of my way to listen to. It's actually kind of interesting that I feel this way for the titular track on this album because I felt the same way for the titular track on Speak Now. But it's not a slight on either of the albums. The songs may not be the best imo, but the themes they represent over the course of their albums is why they're titled that way so I completely understand why they were used. So maybe Taylor is using a lot of inspiration when writing the Lover album that came from the Speak Now era.
4. The Man
We got a fast-paced song here that's super catchy. I like it.
5. The Archer
It's track 5. The fabled Track 5. If you're familiar with Taylor Swift and how she sets up her albums, you know track 5 is usually reserved for an emotional, hard-hitting track. So Reputation had Delicate, Red has All Too Well, Speak Now has Dear John, Fearless has White Horse, and the self-titled first album has Cold As You...all are just gut-wrenching emotional. I did leave out 1989 because for me, that one seems more like it was an exception to the rule but maybe there are folks out there who thought All You Had To Do Was Stay was gut-wrenching.
Everytime I listen to The Archer, it chokes me up. As much as I hate it because I want Taylor to be happy, she does heartbreak real well and she knows how to bring out those emotions with her writing in the best ways. There's just something so bittersweet and defeated in the overall vibe of The Archer and it's heart-breaking.
6. I Think He Knows
Such a retro but also very modern sound and also the perfect song you need coming out of The Archer. It's fun and upbeat and cute.
7. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince
I don't even know how to describe this song and my feelings for it, it was that good definitely on par with my love with Getaway Car from the Reputation era. I really like it, I'm definitely going to listen to it again, and the metaphor used for this song was implemented perfectly.
8. Paper Rings
Another fun, cute song that I'm going to have fun singing and dancing along with as I listen to the album over again.
9. Cornelia Street
I think this might be my favorite song of the album. It was just a perfect mix of the new Taylor sound with the old Taylor writing style.
10. Death by a Thousand Cuts
Definitely not my favorite on the album and certainly Cornelia Street was in no danger of being replaced. This song isn't bad, it's a song that's just kind of there, but if it wasn't, I probably wouldn't miss it. It doesn't really illicit any kind of emotion in me.
11. London Boy
Taylor is just on a roll in this album with her quirky, happy, upbeat kind of songs. I feel like she was really try to perk us up after The Archer. But I'll definitely listen to London Boy again.
12. Soon You'll Get Better (feat. Dixie Chicks)
Of course, since I made a comment about how fun and quirky the songs have been since The Archer, that means Taylor has to bring us back down to another heavy-hitter, and it's featuring the Dixie Chicks so I expected nothing less than a soul-crushing track. This song is hard to sit through with dry eyes. The hopelessness of the situation Taylor is lamenting about but still clinging onto hope because that's all you have is really truly gut-wrenching and I can see myself listening to this song over and over again and crying each time.
13. False God
For a song that made a few references to NYC, I kept on getting hardcore New Orleans vibes from the instrumentals in this song. Maybe that was a part of the metaphor as this song is about a relationship that is out of flux, not quite matching up with the ideal so the instrumentals having the same vibe makes sense. But even if that wasn't intentional, who cares. That's my interpretation and I'm going with it.
14. You Need To Calm Down
Another song I'm very familiar with, another single. It's a fun, summery kind of song despite all the controversy it had. I had a lot of fun laughing at the irony of the situation within the controversy as I'm sure Taylor did as well -- the song is about not putting all of your energy into something you hate and that's exactly what the Taylor haters did when this song was released, thereby proving Taylor's point and it was hilarious for me to watch unfold.
15. Afterglow
Still not quite on the level as Cornelia Street but I can see this one definitely making it into my Top 5 for this album. I know this song is going to be in my head for a while.
Speaking of songs that get stuck in your head, we've finally gotten there, let's jam to Me!.
16. Me! (Feat Brendon Urie)
The first single released and I love this song, I know the lyrics by heart. I was super obsessed with it when the single released. And spoiler alert: it definitely will make it into my Top 5 for this album. But I am sad Taylor went back into the recording and took out the "spelling is fun" part of the audio. I don't appreciate the censorship, I'm just saying. The "spelling is fun" line was cute and was a really nice segway into -- girl, there ain't no "I" in team, but you know there is a ME, you can't spell "awesome" without ME. It fit perfectly with that verse and anyone who hated it or thought it was cringy simply has no taste...that's right, if you don't like the things I like, you have no taste😛.
But Taylor and Brendon was just the perfect combination of artists I didn't know I wanted a collab with until I got it. They both are just so weird and dramatic in their own ways and it really shined through in this song. I hope we get more collabs from them in the future.
17. It's Nice To Have A Friend
I love the instrumentals and harmonizing going on in the background of this song. It was actually really hard to pay attention to the lyrics because I kept on getting distracted with the cool sounds going on in the background.
18. Daylight
What a great song to end this album on. The entire album has been exploring the theme of Love and all the different facets and shades it comes in and it all culminates into Taylor reminiscing through this song the trials and tribulations she's been through and how now she can see everything clearly because she's finally found the daylight. It's just a great way to end the album. And there's a little message at the end of the song where Taylor is speaking, "I want to be defined by the things I love, not the things I hate...you are what you love." And that's such a great message to send. Too often, we all get caught up in negativity and the things we hate when we should be putting all of our energy into things we love. And it kind of takes you full circle to the first track which was I Forgot You Existed where Taylor was making the decision to move on, to end the hate, and just be apathetic towards that person. It was such a great way to end the album.
So overall thoughts in the album? This is definitely something I'm going to have to listen to a few times to really have any definite feelings on. I mean, we're talking 18 tracks here, this was a huge album and this wasn't even the deluxe version. When I get my hands on the deluxe version, we'll see what that one has. So yeah, there is a lot of material to sift through on this album. But I guess premature thoughts? It's a cute album. I don't know if it's my favorite. Speak Now probably still holds that title but this album is definitely enjoyable to listen to particularly if you do like Taylor Swift. If you were a hardcore fan of Taylor's older stuff and you weren't really feeling the genre change, have no fear, you might like this album. It still has that very modernized pop sound but there are definitely elements of her country roots here that you'll probably enjoy. Ultimately, this album, soundwise, is a real nice amalgamation of all of Taylor Swift's different sounds just like lyrically, this album is the culmination of everything she's learned and grown through over the course of her previous albums. This album is really aptly named and I'm so glad to see Taylor release this kind of album. She feels things so much, whether she's happy or sad, and music is her outlet. She really is a Lover who wants to share that with the world and I think we're incredibly lucky to have her.
So my Top 5 currently for this album is as follows.
5. Afterglow
4. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince
3. The Archer
2. Me!
Was there any question what my favorite track on this album was going to be?
1. Cornelia Street
Awesome job, Taylor! As per usual, you never disappoint. Another fantastic album.
#taylor swift#taylorswift#taylorswiftpositivityparty#taylornation#i love taylor swift#ts7#lover album#lover
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9.
Staring down at the pregnancy stick, my third attempt and it’s clear as day that I am but you never know third time lucky. It’s took me two weeks to suck it up and do this, I know I am, I can feel it in my soul I am. Rolling my eyes sighing out, three times now and I am. Any girl would be over the moon, I mean I don’t know. They got pregnant from a rich man and now they will be set up for life but no, I am not having money to keep a lease on my baby’ life. I don’t know what to feel, should I feel excitement or sadness, I feel slightly sad. I am having a side child because clearly I am a side bitch in this, I have to be because what the hell else am I. I feel like shit actually, he had a whole ass wife, I can’t get over it. But I just think back, just thinking to the times we are together and who the hell makes love to their side bitch. I just can’t comprehend it in my mind, I can’t accept this at all. Five years married and then not only that, he fucked his assistant so I am not the only one. I feel dirty all over again now, I must have been one of many girls for him. Maybe I was part of a sick minded game, I will never know. I better put these away, tell my mom and then break it to my dad in a way. I don’t know how I am going to tell him this, he seems very upset with me. He feels like I did something bad, well he actually thinks a guy or him has forced me to have sex.
Placing the pregnancy sticks in my top drawer, the fuck am I going to do now. I have to work and also be pregnant, I just want to be a surgeon but then I will have to be off. I can’t believe I am a single fucking mother, how life is cruel to me. Why does god hate me at times, I have work in an hour so I better get ready and eat now. I have gone back to eating again, I actually lost weight which was cute to see. I keep getting regular phone calls from Kellen and I hate him so now he’s on my block list, I haven’t blocked Tif because I know she truly didn’t know this. She told me she didn’t know much about that family but I guess I do now, fucking sick minded fucks. I have their spawn in me, that is annoying. Walking down the steps of my home, it’s official now and my mom wanted to find out for real so here I am telling her the bad news but my dad is here still “it’s nice to see you in better spirits Robyn but I do want to know why still” stood on the last step looking at my dad “I know dad, I will soon” he kissed my cheek “that is me going to work, Robyn drop your mom off at work for me. She said she is going in a little later” I know why, she wants to talk to me.
Sitting down at the dining table with my toast and coffee, I am not sure if coffee is bad for the baby or is ok to have. I will worry about that later “so” my mom pulled a chair out “you seem a little excited or are you anxious?” I questioned, maybe it’s both “anxious I would say baby, my baby having a baby it’s making me sick with worry” I love my mom so much “I hope I amount to you when I’m a mother, I pray and hope so” my mom stared at me dumbfounded “so what does that mean?” She is so confused “it means that your daughter is pregnant, I tried three times hoping it would change something but it didn’t, it still said pregnant” my mom smiled at me, I then frowned because she is getting emotional “mom?” I said slightly confused “ignore me baby” she gripped my hand “I wish it was better times but am I excited to be a grandmother? Yes I am, am I scared? Also yes but baby I will support you in this, you’re really having a baby. Don’t ever hate a baby that god blessed you with” my mom is making me emotional “I wouldn’t hate it, it’s something that I knew when I had sex with him without protection. I am scared but more scared to tell dad” my mom is an emotional mess.
I don’t know why my mom is being like this, she is making me feel awkward to eat my toast now, she is smiling at me in happiness but also sadness, I think she is happy for me but also sad “you know, I never thought of the moment when I would find out my daughter is pregnant. I just assumed you would be hard working and just wait for that, I feel as if I am scared for you. But I fully support you, we always do. I will be there for you, you can still prosper in your career. Me and you dad will help, I will take downtime, I am happy for you baby. A little blessing” my mom is making me emotional now “mom” placing my toast down “you’re making me cry again, you know I have refilled on tears now” my mom and I both laughed “I appreciate you so much, my backbone. I can’t explain how I feel because I was fully aware of what could happen so who am I to just be a hypocrite to this. Dad will probably think the worst of me right” my mom sighed out “we will have to sit down and talk but what about that man? What is his name?” Sipping my coffee “what man is this mother?” I played stupid “the man I want to slap” placing my coffee down laughing “Maurice, I’m sure I said it? Maybe not but yeah, he’s called Maurice” I can say his name without wanting to cry “very formal and old fashioned name that is, you need to tell him so then it’s up to him if he cares enough” he probably has his own kids, I don’t want to even speak to him.
Placing my plate in the dishwasher “you know Davenport hotels?” Of course my mom does “yes I do” closing he dishwasher door “he owns those hotels he inherited from his dad, his family own them which I didn’t know from Kellen because Kellen has no part of the hotel so maybe that is why but he owns it” my mom stared at me in shock “really? He owns them?” Nodding my head “those rich men are never too good, oh my word. Kellen never said? You really having a child with a man that owns them?” My mom looks in shock “because I think there is bitterness between the family, that is why he doesn’t mention it but yes mom, he is the man that will father my child” I thought I would tell her that “was it conceived also at his hotel?” I gasped “mother!” My mom laughed “ignore me, just seems funny but ok. You don’t do less do you? Got you a rich baby father” pulling a face “I don’t care for it, he can throw his money around. I will of course tell him but I refuse for my child to be near that family, so I don’t know how that will work” this is all so much.
I am worried at my dad’ reaction, he is going to be very upset. He’s not met him, he’s also upset me. My dad is not the type to get angry that much but when he is then he is, but it’s very rare. I need my mom more than anything right now “you sure you won’t be in trouble for being late at work?” She is pretty late “erm maybe but it’s fine, I will see you later yes?” Nodding my head “no late shifts now and also I googled him” squinting my eyes at my mom “who?” My mom looks guilty “Maurice, I was intrigued to know what he looks like. You said he was different to Kellen and he was more beautiful” placing my hand over my face “mom, you sound like me googling things” she is so silly “he’s different from the guys you’ve had, he’s looks ok” Nodding my head slowly smiling “just ok?” She is making me laugh, god I love this woman.
I don’t know why I bothered coming to London, I can’t concentrate. It bugs me, it’s been weeks and I am going crazy. I miss her face, I miss her voice but I can’t get close. Flicking onto the next picture of Robyn “Mr Davenport, you seem preoccupied” looking up from my phone “not at all, I apologise. I have many of business deals going on but I agree” I don’t know what he said at all, the white guy smiles at me “well least you agree” I don’t fucking agree to anything “you have been writing notes yes?” I leaned over to Ally “seeing as you have been staring at pictures yes I have been” I am glad she did, I can’t wait to leave this meeting so I can just sit in my hotel and think about how shit things are. I have the right mind to go to her house, I did do wrong but she should hear me out. I have been close in wanting to have drugs but I didn’t, I want to explain myself to Robyn before and I will get that chance.
Walking side by side with Ally down the lobby “took your time” Shawn got up from the seating area “well I’m done now” stepping outside “he didn’t do shit but stare at some girl” Ally is a hater “mhmmm whatever” seeing my driver “bye Ally” getting inside the car, I don’t care like I am in the right mind to just fuck up but it’s one thing that is pushing me and is to speak to Robyn and I will get my chance “so you spent your time doing what exactly?” Shawn said as he closed the car door “staring at Robyn, it got me though it. It’s hard, I feel so lonely. That small time we have together I had a purpose in life, what I got now? I ain’t going to find another Robyn, she is the girl I want” and that is it so I am stuck “I don’t like you speaking like that, I care so much about you. You’re my brother, you do have people that care so stop it, just you got to think of an action plan. Maybe spend time around LA? We can threaten Kellen?” See I like that plan, I don’t want to threaten him but then again who cares because I want mines “anyways Dubai next, Nalah will meet us there” my phone pinged “ain’t she staying there” Shawne asked, grabbing my phone out from the inside pocket of my suit jacket “yes she is, I just want to see if we are on the right track with the building and then leaving my sister there to overlook it. She is so happy actu….” I drifted off, that name I haven’t seen in weeks “oh my god, Bonita!!” I shouted out “the fuck?” Shawn said confused, like I haven’t seen that name in so long. I feel teary eyed, I don’t know what the text says but to see that name. Lifting my head up looking it of the window, my heart has text me “Bonita is Robyn, that’s her name from me” unlocking my phone to see the text.
From: Bonita
To: Maurice
We need to talk when you are free from your wife
Placing the phone on my lap, I don’t want her to be like with me. I don’t even want Naomi, she got to hear me out and this is my chance, texting her back ever so quickly.
To: Bonita
From: Maurice
I’m always free for you Bonita, when?
Pressing send hopefully I can see her, I mean ok I have a broken hand but it’s ok because I get to see her. I actually broke my hand from punching the wall, I knew I did that day “I have never see you so happy, using your broken hand to text” grinning wide “doctor said I can use my fingers still just he suggests I don’t and I have this on it” holding my hand up with the splint on “yeah, yeah so what she saying?” I’m so happy “we need to talk once I’m free from my wife but I expected this, I hurt her” my phone pinged in my hand but I never locked my phone which means she is online now and also means I have read her text already.
From: Bonita
To: Maurice
Tomorrow?
Why tomorrow when I am here but everything is cancelled “I’m going California, call Ally and tell her I need my jet. Y’all go Dubai, do me this favor please. Just watch Ally and be me, I will tell my sister what to do. I have to go, this is my time. I need her back” Shawn just smiled at me “you sprung, just go. I hope she hears you out, you deserve happiness” thank god.
To: Bonita
From: Maurice
Yeah! I’ll meet you wherever you want
Pressing send on the text “I am scared to see her, I am scared on if she will want me” I am so scared on this, this is end all “why wouldn’t she? You need to open up and tell her, this marriage was not it. You was forced, you was on drugs, your dad did it to keep a hold of you. Your dad used you, Maurice. You say how much you love her” Nodding my head, I am nervous about this meet. I am wondering why she wants to meet me though, what changed her mind. Now she will see my hand broke, god help me for this meet.
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