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astonmartinii · 7 months

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the age of no regret [mamma mia part four] | formula one scoial media au

drivers: sebastian vettel, jenson button & fernando alonso part one | part two | part three masterlist | tips

a due date nears, a god father is revealed and new cravings are discovered

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,209,851 others

tagged: jensonbutton

yourusername: f1 drivers are too generous, i don't know how we got all of the stuff back from montreal let alone how we're going to store it.

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user1: i'm NOT jealous of an unborn child's helmet collection

user2: this bro got a senna helmet, can i have it until they know who he is?

sebastianvettel: i'm seeing a 'we' in this caption when it was me, myself and i putting together this display case

yourusername: erm i was supervising?

sebastianvettel: that was more aimed at jenson, love. i wouldn't want you anywhere near a glass display case right now

jensonbutton: one day it's "i'm the wood work king, let me do this" and then it's "why did no one help me?" PICK A STRUGGLE SEB

sebastianvettel: well i was waiting for you to take all the credit ... so this is awkward now

jensonbutton: well i'll take the credit for getting most of the helmets

charles_leclerc: ummmm no i gave seb at least two of these

jensonbutton: @sebastianvettel tell your grid kid to back off this is adult conversation

charles_leclerc: i'm 25?

fernandoalo_oficial: beckett better be sleeping in his dog bed because i am not fighting a dog for my space in the bed

jensonbutton: of course he is !!!!!!!!!

yourusername: the exclamation marks are really making you look guilty

jensonbutton: IT'S NOT JUST ME YOU GUYS BRING HIM TO BED AS WELL

yourusername: i have hormones i see one puppy dog look AND I CAN'T LEAVE HIM THERE

fernandoalo_oficial: if i have to fight the dog, you guys have to let me sleep in the middle

yourusername: fine. beckett sleeps at the foot of the bed anyway you just want to be in the middle of the cuddle pile

fernandoalo_oficial: sue me

user3: cuddle pile? i'm so soft

user4: beckett? who named this dog and why was it definitely jenson?

yourusername: it was but i was assured it has nothing to do with f1

user4: babes i hate to tell you but he's defo named after the corner at silverstone

yourusername: how am i so easy to trick ffs

sebastianvettel

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, jensonbutton and 1,093,455 others

tagged: yourusername

sebastianvettel: crochet club in full swing for zandvoort. good luck nando!!

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user5: they really are old people at heart it's so cute

maxverstappen1: can i get a good luck for my home race?

sebastianvettel: good luck?

yourusername: good luck super max! (not that you need it)

maxverstappen1: thank you y/n i knew there was a reason why you're my favourite :)

charles_leclerc: can i get a good luck too please?

sebastianvettel: you weren't this clingy even when we were teammates

yourusername: seb !! be kind, good luck charlie

landonorris: can i also get a good luck?

yourusername: good luck lando (stop being so hard on yourself)

sebastianvettel: is everyone gonna ask for a good luck?

yourusername: how many more grid kids do you have? i feel like you underestimated the number on your cv

jensonbutton: how is my jumper coming along?

sebastianvettel: we're both working on a sleeve right now!

yourusername: sorry if one is shorter than the other i can't stop going to the bathroom

fernandoalo_oficial: thank you guys, can't wait to see you when i get home x

jensonbutton: looking fast this weekend, podium defo on the cards

yourusername: be fast but be safe x

sebastianvettel: looking forward to a new celebration

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and 702,340 others

tagged: sebastianvettel, jensonbutton & yourusername

fernandoalo_oficial: getting attachment issues already @f1 can we just race in switzerland from now on?

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user8: they do group facetimes while nando is away?!?!?!?!?! shoot me.

yourusername: i second this @f1

jensonbutton: i third it

sebastianvettel: i fourth it

fernandoalo_oficial: i miss you guys :(

user9: i'm so excited/nervous about the naming situation i know these men will just have stupid suggestions

yourusername: we compromised with a name book i do not trust them after beckett

jensonbutton: beckett is a cute name and you agreed!!!!!

mickschumacher: do you guys need the extra camp beds or not?

sebastianvettel: yes please! could you bring them when you get back?

charles_leclerc: we're sleeping on camp beds? does my back mean nothing to you?

fernandoalo_oficial: do we look like a hotel to you?

yourusername: there are beds but it's first come first served, so don't be late xoxo

user10: are the grid going to stay at seb's?

user11: might be for a baby shower?

user12: HOLY SHIT

maxverstappen1: am i allowed to bring the cats? is beckett trained?

yourusername: omg yes please bring jimmy and sassy

jensonbutton: yes he's trained what do you think i've been doing with my retirement?

maxverstappen1: no comment

sebastianvettel: i guess you can bagsy a room for you and the cats

maxverstappen1: HA thank you seb

fernandoalo_oficial: more and more i realise why people call you my grid kid

yourusername

liked by sebastianvettel, fernandoalo_oficial and 1,340,566 others

yourusername: who knew i'd end up with a family this big? i love you all.

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user13: i am unwell this is so fucking cute

sebastianvettel: i love our weird little family

yourusername: little? we hosted like 25 grown men ...

jensonbutton: and you loved every single second

yourusername: yeah i love you guys and all your little stray cats with attachment issues

fernanodalo_oficial: yeah but that means they also give good gifts

user14: wait? 25? who else do we think went?

user15: so mick was definitely there, i think i saw mark in the back of one pic, kimi was there along with nico rosberg (LOL) and i think rubens barrichello

user16: no way first out of paddock brocedes reunion was at the mamma mia baby shower...

jensonbutton: those people are meant to be athletes how come there were NO CUPCAKES LEFT I KNOW THAT'S NOT IN YOUR DIETS

maxverstappen1: idk i feel like you're projecting

charles_leclerc: yeah you sound mad guilty jenson

yourusername: now i can see the grid kid resemblance

sebastianvettel: i will not take any responsibility for their shenanigans

fernandoalo_oficial: i do

danielricciardo: soz i finally got that brocedes scoop over a late night cupcake

yourusername: i won't be angry if you spill to me

lewishamilton: daniel?

fernandoalo_oficial: this is why you're my favourite daniel

user17: i need them to SPILL NOW

jensonbutton

liked by sebastianvettel, yourusername and 702,334 others

tagged: kimiraikkonen

jensonbutton: it's official!! after careful consideration, we decided that kimi was the best choice for god father, but we still consider you all a weird mix of god uncles and god everything else. y/n is due any day now so we'll see you all some time soon x

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user18: LETS GOOOOOO I WAS ALWAYS TEAM KIMI THAT'S MY GOAT 🐐

maxverstappen1: rigged

yourusername: maxy if it helps seb was seriously stumped after the baby beekeeping suit

maxverstappen1: doesn't help but i guess it's healthy to take a loss every now and again

danielricciardo: i. am. shocked.

sebastianvettel: you insulted all of us in your application

danielricciardo: ummmmm yes to prove to chickie that i'm a fun, goofy guy DUH

jensonbutton: we are NOT boring farts

danielricciardo: depriving your child of a fun god father is a boring fart move

kimiraikkonen: i am fun daniel.

charles_leclerc: i may have lost god father but i won being a bear, you win some you lose some

lewishamilton: you're being much more gracious than expected

charles_leclerc: oh i screamed into my pillow when i got this notification (and max also lost)

fernandoalo_oficial: you're taking it well lewis

lewishamilton: I KNOW YOU VOTED AGAINST ME FERNANDO BUT JOKES ON YOU I SEE THE HAMILTON BEAR YOU FRAUD

yourusername: there were no votes against people... also roscoe is not a reference we can actually verify i don't think dogs can speak english (or german, spanish or italian)

lewishamilton: he can skateboard? how am i not a good dad?

fernandoalo_oficial: see this aggression is why you aren't god father

lewishamilton: i'm letting roscoe at your ankles old man

sebastianvettel: OKAY LETS STOP THERE

markwebber: who got kimi jack daniels? that's a bold (and uniformed)choice

yourusername: it's the aesthetic mark, i don't like your tone

jensonbutton: kimi will drink anything don't worry love

markwebber: all i said was it is an interesting choice

yourusername: this is why you got destroyed by a twink btw

jensonbutton: well this all escalated fast

astonmartinf1

liked by lancestroll, estebanocon and 1,094,561 others

astonmartinf1: fernando alonso will not be racing this weekend due to family matters. felipe drugovich will race in the second aston martin seat. we wish y/n, fernando, jenson and seb luck for their new addition.

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user21: EVERYONE STAY FUCKING CALM

user22: i am so so so so so so so so so chill about this

lancestroll: good luck y/n! can't wait to meet the little one

user23: god i miss the squabbles in the comment sections

user24: literally and i can imagine it's going to increase ten fold when they all have an actual kid to fight over

charles_leclerc: why does it have to be a race so far from europe :(((( i wanna meet chickie ASAP

maxverstappen1: don't make me race your ass to the hospital

charles_leclerc: we can use air max this once seb won't know

danielricciardo: 📸 GOT YOUR ASS

charles_leclerc: daniel???

danielricciardo: 'm sorrry i'm stressed

user23: okay that didn't take long

user25: i need a lobotomy asap cause why am i so excited about four complete strangers having a baby

user26: I AM SO NERVOUS ABOUT THE NAME IF THIS CHILD IS NAMED AFTER A RACE, DRIVER OR A CORNER I WILL ACTUALLY LOSE MY MIND

user27: seb will never see the light of day if that child ends up with a bond girl name

lewishamilton: good luck guys !!! can't wait to meet the full family

user28: completely normal that the whole family is not online during potential labour but I NEED UPDATES

user29: okay put your bets on guys - which one of them is passing out

user30: jenson 100%

user31: idk i think seb has been way too chill this entire pregnancy and it's all going to come out during the birth

danielricciardo: yeah seb's ass is grass

maxverstappen1: DANIEL STOP (it's gonna be jenson)

danielricciardo: i'm sorry i'm so stressed i'm literally going to bite off my fingers

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 1,402,455 others

f1: with y/n's due date this week, we send our love and well wishes to the alonso-vettel-button family and can't wait to meet the new addition (and soon to be champion) 🏎️

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user32: it's just dawning on me that this kid might need a jumbo birth certificate with all these last names

user33: is anyone curious if they'll ever do a paternity test to see who the biological dad is

user34: let's not ask horribly personal questions about situations that are nothing to do with us

user35: also the kid is going to have four loving parents and about 25 grown men who will fight for them so i really don't think who the biological father is is really a big deal

estebanocon: gosh i am so excited

user36: as much as i am excited i hope it won't become a whole family influencer type beat

user37: i don't think they will tbf, i think they'll post about chickie but it'll be reserved

georgerussell63: so excited for the guys! they'll all rock as parents and y/n has already put up with them so will be an amazing mother

alexalbon: good luck guys, all of our love x

user38: f1 cruel as hell for putting this race all the way qatar so that there's no way they can go back to europe between races :(

charles_leclerc: real, depriving us from meeting chickie asap

user39: do we think kimi went with them?

user40: and maybe mick? he's not with mercedes this weekend?

mickschumacher: kimi and i are with them! not allowed in the delivery room when chickie comes but we're here for moral support <3

user41: oh i am so soft

lewishamilton: i guess it makes sense kimi is the god father... good luck guys!

note: OKAY PEOPLE THAT'S PART FOUR HOLY MOLY i am hashtag stumped on a baby name and the sex IDK ANY OF IT but this was FUN! hopefully yall enjoy and hopefully i tagged everyone who asked (blame my phone if not) also thanks to @deviltsunoda for listening to me SCREAM about this the whole time i've been writing it xoxo

taglist: @boiohboii @vellicora @faithm120601 @raizelchrysanderoctavius @luv4kani @eugene-emt-roe @magical-spit @ironmaiden1313 @jaydaaasworld @whoreks @rainerax @nonsensical-nonsence @laneyspaulding19 @chelseyyouraverageluigi @lxclerc @gemofthenight @woweewoowa @tagteamedbitch@imagandom@mypage-myfandoms@mehrmonga@asparklysoul @unstableplant @motorsp0rt@multilovebot@lili-flower03 @its-elias-world @jolixtreesunn@nothingfuninthislife@rileynicol3@kodzuvk@mochimommy2002@fluffyspaceprincess@roseseraj@black-swan-blog27@nyrasslut@justdreamersdream@asfaraslifegets@why4anne@ineffableperson@leilanixx@lunyyx @pupbistro @gaypoetsblog@rafaaoli@champomiel@sadsierra2 @rainerax @lokietro @thecubanator2 @nzygftoji @rockyhayzkid @nmw-am @slytherheign @erikasurfer @turn-around-look-at-what-you-see @greigreyhiyyih

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #mamma mia au #astonmartinii #fernando alonso instagram au #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso imagine #fernando alonso #sebastian vettel instagram au #sebastian vettel x you #sebastian vettel x reader #sebastian vettel imagine #sebastian vettel #jenson button instagram au #jenson button imagine #jenson button x reader

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darkbluekies · 6 months

Note

HEAR ME OUT.

READER WANTING TO HAND OUT CANDY TO LITTLE KIDS 😭 LIKE EACH OC IS PROBABLY GONNA SAY NO BUT READER CONVINCES THEM SOMEHOW

Halloween special<3

Warnings: the three dirty yanderes being dirty as usual

Silas:

Genuinely loves halloween, loves to scare little children for absolutely no reason at all. But he doesn’t want you to want to do the same thing — or whatever you wanted to do. He wants you to be with him only, dressed up for his eyes. He has never allowed kids to come for trick or treating, but you manage to convince him to leave out a bucket of candy this year. You sit curled up in the window in your costume, watching to see if any kids will come take from your prepared bucket. Time goes, but no one comes.

“Don’t be sad, little thing. They’ve never been allowed to come here so they probably don’t know that they can come here this year. And I think that their parents know who I am, so they don’t want to send their kids over here anyhow. I know that you were excited, but this is the reality of being a criminal. Bring the bucket inside and we can overindulge. By the way, your costume turns me on.”

Dr Kry:

Dr Kry has given you a little makeup to paint you into a vampire. You have a bucket of candy in your hand while Dr Kry brings you through the hospital to visit small children laying in their beds. He thinks that you’re adorable with kids and finds himself staring at you talking to a little boy. You pet his teddy bear and give him a chocolate bar before walking out of the room to go to the next.

“You’re really nice, and great with kids … wow. Why I’m not dressed up? I don’t like that very much, but I like to see you dressed up. That fulfills my need of costumes for this year. Next year maybe. Let’s see how much candy you have left. Do you want to keep those for yourself or give them out? Give them out? You’re so nice, Y/N. Let’s move on. You need to go back to bed soon, so better hurry. Before the air and its toxins get to you.”

King Edmund:

Halloween doesn’t exist in his timeline, but he decides to have a masquerade ball for kids and by your request, the doors standswide open for the entire kingdom. Parents of all classes came to drop of their kids in cute costumes. Edmund sits on his throne, watching over you and the fifty children in the big hall. He looks at you with a small smile, seeing how you take such good care of the little kids. While they dance, you go to get a bucket of candy. Edmund gets down from his throne and walks over to you.

“It seems like you have quite the control, my dear. I can't understand how you like these creatures. Yes, I know I've been a kid and yes I know I'll have to have a kid in the future, but still. Look at them? You're doing great though. Keep doing that and I'll have to pump a child in you sooner than planned."

Jerry:

She refuses, but gives in once she gets to hear that she can scare the kids. Doesn't want to couple match because she finds it cringe, but if you're going to match, she wants to be superior to you like owner and dog or queen and peasant, or even cop and jailcriminal.

"I'm going to scare so many fucking kids, this is going to be amazing. Don't give me that look. It's trick or treat! You give the treat and well … I do the trick. Stop being a baby, it'll be fun. We could do role-playing in these costumes, by the way. Just wait until we get back home. I'll show you what a queen does to the peasant who hasn't given crops to the castle."

Hedwig:

Of course she'll love it! She will buy too much candy and decorate the entire mansion for kids to come trick or treating. You'll be in adorable couple costumes (chosen by Hedwig of course) and have fun with the little kids. Hedwig shines every time she pretends to get scared by a little kid.

"You look really cute, Y/N. Do you like this? Imagine when we get kids, we can do this every year, create our own traditions. We can dress in family costumes and … and have really, really fun. You look really cute with kids, Y/N. But I’m starting to wonder if you like the candy more. It’s okay, we have a lot, sweetheart, just eat away.”

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere drabbles #yandere oc x you #yandere mafia #yandere oc x reader #yandere reactions #yandere doctor #yandere king #yandere royal #yandere female

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haechanskins · 4 months

Text

Lose Somebody - Winter

☆ note: this is my first wlw writting ever, if you think I can improve in something or want to advice me, I'm all ears! I would really appreciate if you let a comment with your thoughts ♡

MINORS DO NOT READ OR INTERACT

☆ genre: f!reader, smut;

☆ warnings: kinda hate sex, toxic ex gf/fiancée, reconciliation through sex, teasing, choking, swear words, fingering, oral receiving;

☆ wc: 2.3k

click here to see the pool. ☆

It was the 30th missed call Minjeong left on your phone. You knew she was drunk again and would say things she shouldn't, just like last time. "I messed up, multiple times. You need to understand that you have to come back to me. Who will love you like I do? Who will wreck you in bed like I do? Who will even care about you? Your destiny is with me". There's no mental readiness to answer the phone; no valid reason to relive it all. You know the calls will only stop when she passes out or sleeps, so you decide to turn it off and lie down. The night seems much longer when your mind refuses to let go, surrounded by worry and dreams returning to the day it all happened...

"How many more times is this damn woman going to show up?" Minjeong shouts as your friend Giselle visits your house again. Your fiancée spent the night away without explanations, and Giselle stayed to calm you. "All that bitch wants is to take you away from me, can't you see?" Anger makes the beer bottle in Minjeong's hands fly towards the wall near you. In that moment, Minjeong realizes her mistake, even though she's far from sober, and rushes toward you. She always had jealousy issues, and you usually let it pass, but this time, the shock and fear were too much. Her touch alone was enough to make you scream and cry.

"Please, forgive me!" she says amidst tears, trying to hold your face. "Babe, please forgive me!" she continues, trying to hold your hands while you throw the ring away. She kneels, holds your arms - the last place you need to be - the last face you want to see is hers. Thursday morning, 8 am, was when it all happened. The last words you heard after walking through the door were "Slut, go be with your bitch Giselle and then tell me if she's better than me! I know I can find someone better than you.". These words echo in your mind during what should be a peaceful sleep, but you're awakened by your own voice calling your ex-fiancée's name incessantly. Should you call her? But why? To hear mockery and provocations?

A hot shower should bring some calmness. All you can think about now is a bit of tranquility. The water flowing down your body makes this feeling seem true for a moment. Walking through the apartment, you realize there's garbage to take out, and your little dog starts jumping on your legs as if asking for fresh air. "Just because I need to take out the trash, okay?" putting the small one under your arm and heading to the elevator. "Do you think I should call her, Kima?" you ask, touching the tip of the small pet's nose, and her head turns around. "She can't even answer and would disapprove" but does she miss her other mom? Thoughts consume you again until Kima gets restless and starts barking while leaving the building. You search for reasons, put her down, and check if there's something on her tiny body. Then she escapes to the automatic gate. Minjeong is leaning against it, at first, you think it might be your sleep playing tricks on you or the lack of glasses, so you start shouting for Kima to come back.

"She misses me too" the redhead shouts. "Please, let me in. I just want one last conversation." You sigh and think for a moment before opening the gate. "I'm doing this for Kima. You have 15 minutes at most!" you say, approaching the gate and opening it.

Keeping with the usual, as you reach your floor, you make coffee for both while Minjeong plays with Kima in the living room. As you sweeten the drink, your mind begins to question the decision to let her into your home, into your comfort. In a moment of distraction and vulnerability, you grab the hot iron kettle without realizing it, screaming in pain and alerting your ex, who was in the other room. "Here..." she guided you to the sink, letting cold running water flow over your hand. "Do you have burn ointment?". "In the bedroom, second door on the corridor" you answer without much thought. When you hear the doorknob turning, you scream at Minjeong to go back, but it's too late. You still have photos with her on the desk, and your steps after the unresolved breakup have been slow. Seeing her still confuses you, and your heart, whether you like it or not, beats faster.

"I found it" showing the ointment in her hands while smiling slightly. She extends her hand, waiting for yours, and applies gently. Pointing to the sofa, she asks you to sit and grabs the cups, placing them on the small coffee table. "You still have..." she begins, but you cut her off instantly, asking what she wants to talk about and why she's there. Minjeong sighs and stares at the ceiling for a few seconds, as if waiting for the words to fall from the sky into her head. "I miss you…" you continue looking while her eyes seem to search for another focus and her mouth more words. "Is that it?" she remains silent. "Then you can leave!" the girl watches you walk towards the door to send her away, but she doesn't move. "I said you can go, Minjeong." The last thing your ex-fiancée would do is leave. She managed to contact you after months, entered your house, and was in your presence. She won't leave.

"Okay" as you open the door, Minjeong closes it again, leaning over you. Not much taller, but already causing some intimidation due to the angle and proximity, she continues "Do you prefer to hear me here or in bed?" Silence hangs in the air, and the atmosphere is palpable. You want her to leave while simultaneously wanting her to touch you any way she pleases. "Sorry, didn't mean to cross boundaries. I thought we could..." she backs away from the door, trying to explain her recent behavior. But you’re faster and more eager. It's impossible to lie to your own body. A fervent and quick kiss begins, lasting for a few minutes until you both need air.

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me ever again!" "This is the last time, Kim Minjeong. This is the last time." Everything around you seems to vanish until you touch and fall, fortunately, nothing breaks on the way to the bed. "Whatever you want," you say, watching her eyes darken. Supported by your knees, facing each other, you feel your neck being squeezed. Minjeong's laughter resonates in your ears, sending a shiver down your entire body.

"If this is the last time, then I'll fuck you like the slut you are" she almost spits out each word, pushing you onto the bed and lightly biting every exposed inch of your skin. You don't resist for a minute; her words only make you crave more, yet at the same time, they ignite a sense of anger, uncertain if it's just a fetish or something serious.

"I'm the slut, and you come crawling to my door?" you move on top of her. "Not going to answer?" you question, slapping her face, and she smirks, attempting to put her hands on your waist. However, you pull them up, leaning on them, just inches away from Minjeong's mouth. "I'm not the one missing you," spreading kisses on her face. "I'm not the one begging every day to come back. Or am I?" you mock, a statement mixed with truth, both with hearts pounding and panties soaked.

"You..." she starts.

"I don't want you to speak. I want you to beg," you interrupt.

"I like your attempt to take control. It's cute. But it doesn't work with me" she retorts "but since you're here, you'll make it easier for me," she continues smiling, and your head knots for a few seconds. How did she manage to flip the situation like this?

"I won't do anything you want," running your hands through Minjeong's red hair. "Why should I?"

"Because you've always obeyed me, like a good girl." she teases.

"That's over, Minjeong."

"Over?" she laughs. "And would you spread your legs if I commanded?" she asks, pulling your hand towards her mouth, licking and sucking on the two middle fingers. "Would you take off this blouse if I told you to?" continues. You feel your body shiver and yield to each word she says. You get up from the bed, and her eyes follow you as she sits there, glancing at you. You remove your blouse and the small pajama shorts, turning around to reveal just your panties. Minjeong observes every inch of your body, running her hands from your neck to your thighs.

"Is this what you want?"

"I want much more!" she replies, pulling you by the waist. You look down at her and give her a slap. "I wished you'd never show up here again" her eyes search for whether it's the truth or just a game. "I wished you'd disappear from my life forever" another slap. "You could find someone better so easily, and yet, here you are, begging for me," you say, sitting on her lap while speaking. "Is it cute for me to try to boss you around?" You laugh mockingly and give another slap, moving your hand down to Minjeong's neck, squeezing it. She continues to look at you with doubt, but there's nothing in you that worries about responding at this moment.

Drawing her silhouette with your hands, she shivers with every touch and sighs with every scratch where her skin is exposed. Kneeling on the rug in your room, you put your hands on her waist to find the edge of her pants, starting to pull along with her panties. Once done, you move your hands up again to take off the remaining blouse and bra. For the first time, you observe the shaky breaths coming from your old partner instead of yourself.

"Look who's the slut now. So needy and alone that you're wet for so little" one hand squeezing Minjeong's neck, while the other is wandering across her intimacy. "How many fingers do you think I can fit without even touching you?" you ask, making a pout. "Three? Already?" you pretend to insert your fingers, and her eyes close, mouth opens with a slight moan. You laugh; she opens her eyes disappointed, and mumbles.

"I want you to sit on my face" you say, lying on the bed and waiting for her, but Minjeong laughs and doesn't follow. "As I said, it's cute," she says, leaning into the space between your legs "but it doesn't work with me" she concludes, placing kisses on the inner part of your thigh, causing shivers and a soft moan to escape. Minjeong laughs and moves closer to your pussy.

Positioning herself on top of your body, she confesses several times that she felt hatred towards you for ignoring her, that she wanted to have you all the time, but you were a complete slut. That's why she was there, to show you why she should be the only one to touch your body forever.

"You're going to cooperate with me now," she said, biting your thigh "properly" she continued, placing a kiss on your clitoris, then licking your entire intimate area from top to bottom twice, watching you squirm and moan. "Hmm... so you like this, don't you?" she laughed. "Want more?" She licked again and gave another kiss.

"Please," you responded with a trembling voice.

"Please, what, my love?" she licked once more.

"Please, I need you to go down on me."

"Good girl," she replied, doing what had been asked. Then, she inserted two fingers while alternating between slow and fast sucks, murmuring, "Delicious as always," and grumbling, "You're so tasty. I love the taste you have," making your entire pussy vibrate. When the redhead noticed that you were moaning too much and holding onto her hair tightly, she stopped abruptly.

"Did you stop?" you asked desperately. "I was almost there," you grumbled.

"I want to come with you" she said, kissing up your belly and breasts, sucking a few times. "I want to feel you" she continued, immediately kissing you. She gradually pulled your hair while one hand played with your clitoris and returned to your breasts without any warning or alert. Everything seemed to make you 100% more sensitive to her touch, more needy, and addicted to that touch.

Minjeong pulled you closer "We've never tried this. Do you want to?" She pulled one of your legs up onto her thigh. You knew what she was talking about and involuntarily smiled. The only answer you could give was your own body fitting perfectly with hers; pussy against pussy. You could hardly breathe with your hearts racing amid so many moans. The only sound besides them was the wet skin-on-skin noise. "It's unbelievable how beautiful you look when you're about to cum for me" Minjeong gasps. "You're mine," she continues, grinding against you even more.

"I'm yours. I'm only yours" you say as your voice falters amid whispers and almost tears. "I'm going to—" you say, almost shouting.

"Cum in my pussy" she replies "with me" she continues, holding onto your waist even tighter, giving more and more thrust. The moans get louder, and you both hardly know where to touch—lacking hands for hair, breasts, waist, thighs, lacking voice.

You climax together. It wasn't the last time you saw Minjeong or had sex with her, but on this specific day, after everything, she stayed with you, and you slept entwined. Minjeong still believes to this day that you were in a deep sleep when she whispered "I had to lose you to realize I can't live without you... what an idiot... I hope this never happens again. I love you, y/n."

tags: @minjeongswife

#kpop smut #aespa x reader #aespa smut #haechanskins #winter smut #wlw smut #winter x reader #minjeong x reader #kim minjeong x reader

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mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess · 1 year

Text

I headcanon that the person that spoiled Lan Sizhui most growing up wasn't actually LWJ, but LXC.

He finds out LWJ brought in a child and his Baby Senses™️ immediately go off full blast

There is a baby on the premises and LXC will spoil him, rules be damned. He's been craving to do that ever since LWJ grew up anyway.

Zewu-Jun attends clan meetings with A-Yuan on his shoulders for years and nobody says anything because the one time someone tried talking A-Yuan into getting off, his eyes welled up and his lower lip jutted out trembling - and Zewu-Jun's otherwise kind smile exuded Sunshot-era murderous intent

"Wangji, you need to rest. I will watch A-Yuan for you."

"Brother, you've babysat him this entire week. I can have him for an afternoon-"

"It's alright-"

"Brother, I miss him."

LWJ and LXC nearly fight over who gets to spend more time with the baby

The Lan sect's budget acquires a sizeable gap due to "unforeseen expenditures". The unforeseen expenditures are the fact that LXC took A-Yuan to see the merchants in Caiyi Town and he made irresistible puppy dog eyes at him at the toys stand

"Where is Zewu-Jun? We need to talk to him about-"

"He's playing tag with A-Yuan, and specifically instructed us not to disturb him unless someone is dead or dying."

"Fair enough."

A-Yuan becomes Zewu-Jun's super cute advisor whenever he has to do paperwork/make decisions. He writes important things down while A-Yuan sits next to him and draws pictures with his expensive brushes. He may or may not chew on the delicate handles too, but that's okay, it gives them character.

"I have to go to the emergency discussion conference tomorrow, so we can't go sword flying anymore"

"Tell them your tummy hurts so you can stay home."

(He does. It works.)

"Brother, I trust you, but it is dangerous to take a child this young flying on the sword."

"Wangji, I am more than capable of keeping A-Yuan safe. Haven't I done the same with you?"

A-Yuan returns raving about the cool tricks Zewu-Jun did and LWJ gives LXC A Look™️ because he knows none of those tricks are safe. From experience.

LWJ doesn't let LXC take A-Yuan to discussion conferences for many reasons - and LXC deals with it by shopping at every single children's store in Lanling to bring his favorite nephew gifts

"We appreciate your generosity, brother, but where will we put all these things?"

"I could ask an annex be built for the jingshi."

Whenever LXC wants to get out of something, he says he "has urgent uncle duties that cannot be postponed" and flees

"Brother, A-Yuan must eat his vegetables without being bribed with candy afterwards."

"It is called a rewards system, Wangji, and it works. He is eating his vegetables. Even the broccoli!"

NMJ takes a liking to the kid but has no idea how to interact with him so he brings him play weapons and teaches him saber techniques.

NHS has paint sets sent as gifts and LXC walks around with colorful handprints on his robes for days.

"I wonder why A-Yuan doesn't like A-Yao all that much..."

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #original thots #lxc #lsz #give lxc a kid #if nobody wants to i will

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hunflowers · 1 year

Text

pull me in

a/n: okayyyyyyyy a little writing because i missed writing but it's been hard writing a big story. satellite blurb about friend!harry and (thought to be) unrequited love hehe

Everyone knew the feelings you two had for each other. The feelings that went unannounced every day for years.

The constant questions you would ask about him, wondering where he was. The constant wondering if you actually liked him or if he was just reading you wrong. It was like this for years but life kept going, never once allowing you to stop and think, eventually causing you to drift apart.

The infatuation, admiration, and love were persistent, though, no matter how far apart you grew. You weren't exactly sure why.

When you turned eighteen, you went off to university in London to study education, and Harry had pursued his career in music. You had your mutual friends but it had been years since you physically saw or spoke to him. You had boyfriends and lovers and focused intently on your studies and career, so the pestering thought of a particular famous musician should've gone away. It was your plan, after all.

After a night out where you drunkenly admitted your feelings to an also drunk Harry and him not saying anything in return, you made sure to never embarrass yourself like that again.

Unbeknownst to you, however, Harry didn't hear you. Between the music, the slur of your words, and the guy talking in his left ear, he couldn't make out what you were trying to tell him. When he was trying to read your lips and form some sentence in his head, he saw the look on your face change and the smile you had quickly shaped into a frown. He was ready to ask you to repeat yourself but then that guy talking in his left ear stepped between you two to start talking to someone nearby. Then you ran off and Harry never knew what it was that you said.

It was a sore subject so even if your friends tried to talk to you about Harry and that night, you would quickly dismiss them, urging them to talk about anything else. Because you were so certain there was nothing to even talk about. He didn't harbor the same feelings as you, and that's okay, you couldn't force him to like you.

Over the course of the nearly ten years since that happened, you would be lying if you said you didn't listen to his music at all or notice him on tabloid covers. It was very hard to fully avoid someone that famous from your hometown who is still friends with your friends.

Though, you did a pretty good job if you did say so yourself. Through the rollout of his first two albums and the many invitations to his concerts, you always respectfully declined, saying you had too much to do to spend a night with screaming fangirls pining over the same man as you.

"Y/N, c'mon, it'll be fun! You haven't had a proper night out in a long time," Lynn, one of the few remaining links between you and Harry, and also your best friend, said. She pouted her lips, clasping her hands together and holding them under her chin to really emphasize her puppy-dog look. She had seen this trick far too many times with her students that she's immunized.

You shook your head, continuing to fold your laundry. "Sorry, babe, I'm just not feeling up for it. Concerts aren't m'thing."

Lynn scoffed, "No, his concerts aren't your thing. Which, in my opinion, is crazy because he knows how to put on a good show."

"That's great but I'm still not going."

"It's a free ticket!"

"Sorry."

It was the same fight for years. You just didn't want to go no matter how much your friends hype him up.

With his third album, however, your opinion slightly changed. Release day came and you picked a few songs to listen to. You liked them all which wasn't a surprise, but then you heard 'Satellite'.

You had no reason to believe it was about you because surely you weren't that lucky. But then you listened to it again and again. You got a new life, am I bothering you?

You called Lynn immediately. You had to know if someone else had the same thought. "I think so. I mean, he's been asking about you a lot lately, so I wouldn't be surprised."

"What do you mean he's been asking about me?"

"What else could that mean, Y/N?"

You sat in silence for a moment biting on your bottom lip. "What have you told him?"

"We've been telling him you 'aven't got time with anyone anymore because you only care about work."

"Lynn-"

"It's true, babe. You can't tell me it's not."

I can see you're lonely down there.

You laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. Before the phone call ended, Lynn said he invited you lot to his One Night Only show in London. She told you not to give her an answer yet and to actually think about this one before going off and dismissing everyone again.

You didn't think though because the next morning as soon as you woke up, you agreed to go. Just this once. For the experience. That's all.

You were so nervous when the day finally came. You asked if you would be seeing him before or after the show and Lynn said, "Probably both. Take a deep breath, it'll be fun."

You were let backstage when you arrived, escorted to a lounge where Harry and his family already were.

You nearly stopped in your tracks at the sight of him. It was a while since you’ve last been this close to him — but honestly, it wasn’t until you saw his face that you realized you truly have missed him.

You can’t decide how pathetic that is just yet, so you opt to get a drink from the mini bar set up before getting the chance to embarrass yourself.

However, Harry had also spotted you right away. He nearly leapt up from his seat when he saw that you actually took him up on his invitation. He remained cool though, casually getting up and making his way over towards you.

“Y/N, hi, I’m so glad y’decided to come,” Harry spoke behind you, causing you to jump a little at the suddenness. You turned around, nearly at the same distance when you last confessed your feelings. You got a small little flashback to that time but quickly disregarded it, giving him a small smile before reaching over for a hug.

“I figured it was time to see just how good you are,” you laughed, making him give a small chuckle in return. Without either of you realizing, the hug lasted a good while. You just stood there in each other’s embrace because this was a moment long in the making. You had every right to embrace it — and him.

And when that moment came that you both realized you should probably let go, you did; but not completely. Your hands remained on his shoulders and his on your hips as you stared into each others eyes, trying to read whatever emotions you could.

Was this good? Was this what you needed? Could you tell if he’s missed you as much as you have him?

You think yes is the answer to all of these questions. You both shared a small smile before completely distancing, waving him goodbye as he was urged to make his way to stage.

Lynn was watching the whole thing from across the room. Little to your knowledge, Lynn told Harry what happened that night all those years ago. How you confessed your feelings and was heartbroken because it seemed like he didn’t even care that you told him.

He did care. A lot. But by the time she told Harry, you had already began your distancing, opting to never seeing him again, despite him wanting to talk a few times. So he moved on just like you did, or so he thought he did (or so you thought you did).

But in that very moment, you, Harry, and Lynn knew that this was the start of something beautiful, this was the start of something that should’ve happened a long time ago. And when he goes on stage tonight to sing that special song, he’ll be looking for you, singing it for you.

Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in.

#so this has been in my drafts forever????? didn’t even realize #i never quite finished the ending but i figured y’all deserve to read this #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles

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rileyslibrary · 1 year

Note

I’m rewatching succession and I can’t stop thinking about kendall roy. what about a prompt with ghost dealing with a partner who is a drug addict and is in recovery?

Hi reader! I rarely watch TV, and had no clue who or what you were referring to, so I did some research. Also, you didn’t specify what you meant by “partner” (in the army or real life), so I tried to incorporate a little bit of both. 🍫

Warnings: mentions of drugs, addiction, disease, death of a relative and dark humour/making sarcastic comments of a very serious situation below. DNI if you’re uncomfortable with any of the above.

“What are you thinking about?” Ghost asks as he takes a sit next to you at the roof of the the truck.

“Y’know, stuff.” You reply, gazing at the horizon.

“Drug stuff?” He asks.

You slowly turn to look at him. For a man who has been trained to be a tactical machine, he is anything but tactful in his interactions with humans. Sure, you’ve seen him feed stray dogs and pet alley cats while you were on patrol together, but when it came to people, he had the social grace of a clown at a funeral.

“Well, I do now, lieutenant,” you reply sarcastically.

“Well, shit,” he shrugs and lights a cigarette, “didn’t mean to remind you.”

“Don’t worry,” you reassure him, “it’s always on my mind.”

“Talk to me about it.”

He wants to play therapy now; great. Every time he saw you like this, lost in your thoughts, he came and talked to you, persuading you to express your feelings. Things which you considered to be native to this man, but he was trying his best, even if he was heavy-handed in doing so.

“Sometimes I feel lost,” you explain, “without it.”

He nods, indicating that you continue talking. You sigh and look up at the night sky.

“Like, I know I’m doing the right thing, Simon,” you continue, “but I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re a lot of things, love,” he says, “good things.”

“Oh?” You tilt your head to the side, “last time I remember doing something good was not stealing from an old lady because I thought she needed the money more than me.”

“See?” He says and opens his arms, “that was a good thing.”

“Yeah,” you murmur, “very Dalai Lama of me.”

You both stay silent for a while, and he turns to you.

“I know why you feel lost,” he says.

“Enlighten me, Lt.”

“You’re both strong and fragile at the same time,” he explains, “your will is strong, but your mind is playing tricks on you.”

“My mind is a mess.”

“I know,” he agrees, “which is normal.”

“Ha! Normal says the guy who walks around with a skull mask on,” you spit, and he looks offended.

“Hey, love, we talked about this,” he says, “don’t want to distract the enemy with my moneymaker.”

He gestures at his semi-covered face, and you both chuckle. Unfiltered comments and offensive remarks came out of your mouth quite often now that you’re in recovery. The good thing was that Ghost was a master at turning insults into banter, which was quite helpful in making you reflect on your words. He was very understanding and patient for a guy who was trained to be tough and emotionless on the battlefield.

“How do you know so many things about it?” You ask.

“It.” He mocks, “don’t talk about your struggles like they’re fucking Pennywise.”

You let out a long exhale. “Jesus, man,“ you exclaim, “how do you know so much about addiction and recovery?”

He looks down at his dangling legs. “My brother,” he explains, “went through the same thing.”

“Fuck,” you sigh, “hope he’s okay now.”

“He’s no longer with us,” he replies and faces you, “but you still are.”

“I’m so sorry,” you say, and he thanks you. He had never opened up about his family before. You knew he had issues but nothing more than that. Perhaps that’s another reason why he’s so supportive of your journey. He wants to see someone make it out alive.

“Seriously though,” he continues, “what you’re doing is huge. You’re fighting against a disease, and that takes a lot of courage and strength.”

“Disease?” You scoff, “you make it sound like I have cancer or something.”

“Addiction is a disease,” he reminds you, “it’s not something you choose to have, just like cancer. But you’re fighting it.”

“Easier said than done,” you mutter.

“Nothing worth having comes easy, love,” he says, “and what’s better to have than your health?”

He’s right. You’ve been so focused on the struggle that you haven’t acknowledged your progress. You’ve been sober for six months now, a huge accomplishment. It hasn’t been easy, but with Simon and your therapist’s support, you’ve been able to stay on track.

“Thanks, Simon,” you say, “for everything.”

“Anytime, love,” he says and puts out his cigarette, “now let’s get back to base; Price’s expecting us for the meeting.”

“Can we stop at a convenience store before we go?” You ask, “I’m thirsty.”

“Sure,” he says, “what are you getting, a Coke?”

You laugh and gently punch his shoulder. “Yes, lieutenant,” you say, “A zero one, of course.”

#simon ghost riley x gn!reader #simon ghost riley x y/n #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley fanfiction #simon ghost riley #simon riley x y/n #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #ghost cod #ghost call of duty #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #simon riley #cod mwii #cod ghost #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2

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weaselle · 2 months

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I am not a dog whisperer. I know each is an individual but I cannot “understand “ dog. How do you train dogs to stay in the van? Mine wants out before I have even one foot on the ground when we stop.

i've been thinking about this all day. I do want to help people with their dogs, but. Can I?

For everyone else, this is in response to my post about how all dog walkers are also dog trainers if they are doing their job right, where i mention my van full of dogs waiting until each one is leashed and invited out of the van individually.

I did also, as referenced above, say that the real trick to training dogs is to get to know the dogs individually, and that this is the reason dog trainers can't take a simple question about how to train a dog and give a simple answer.

Which is true.

And does make this a tricky ask to answer well. It's sort of like asking how do you help a kid who's having trouble understanding math. There's no one answer.

So. With that in mind, i want to talk about training in general mostly, instead of training any one dog for any one thing.

There is a nice basic thing you can do to set yourself up to be able to communicate something to your dog:

Take a treat, ask your dog to sit, move the treat toward their mouth at a quite slow but steady pace. When they bounce up out of the sit to try to get the treat, make a disapproving noise (I usually make kind of an "ach" sound) and either stop moving the treat or take it back to it's starting position.

Tell them to sit again. When they sit, start moving the treat slowly down toward them again. If they stop sitting the treat stops, if they move toward the treat it goes away. Ideally there will come a moment when they juuust start to lift their butt and you juust stop moving the treat and they think about it and sit back down and you keep moving the treat toward them.

This exercise communicates an expectation, a situation, a course of action. Like, just by my describing the exercise to you, you understand what is being communicated too, even if you might struggle to put it exactly into words

once you know they understand the concept, try to pace the treat movement so they succeed a few times. Like, you can speed it up a little to be sure you get it to them before they get too excited and come up out of their sit. You want a chance to prove to them a few times that if they stay sitting they do get the treat. Then slow it way down and make them prove they will stay in a sit until the treat gets there even if it takes a while. And hey, even though the treat stays the same, the praise gets better the longer they wait! right? good.

That's communication, baybee!

Of course, not every dog will have the right mentality for this sit/treat exercise to work, but if you understand the basics of what it is trying to communicate, it can still be your template for trying to communicate that thing to your dog. And once they understand it about one thing, it starts to be easier to tell it to them about other things.

I don't work with treats because i walk three large packs of dogs (often as many as ten at once) and the roster changes, sometimes a tues/thurs dog needs to bump to a wednesday or whatever, so the dogs aren't always super used to each other. If there's a sudden discovery of food aggression or resource guarding or just plain "i don't trust or like you" behavior that can come out around high value food items like treats, well, i can't work on any training about that without risking injury to the other dogs. I have good friends who walk dogs who work with treats and who are excellent dog trainers and that works for them in their situations, so i'm not saying it's wrong to work with treats as a dog walker, i'm just saying it's wrong for me.

So i do all my professional training without treats. And that means I have to identify what the dogs want and show them i control it and then demand specific behavior to access it.

So, lets say i'm getting a dog ready to go and this dog wants to rush out the gate at full speed as soon as it's open enough for them to squeeze through. And i don't want them to.

I identify what they really want. They really want to get through the gate. So getting through the gate is the treat. Actually, the way a dog works, getting closer to getting out the gate is a treat. I make that conditional on a behavior i want, and then i'll play out the scenario in slow motion and play hotter/colder with it until they do the thing i want. Looks like this:

I'll initiate the situation (put my hand on the latch) and then when they rush right up to the gate i'll make a disapproving noise and move my hand off the latch. I'll wait a beat (this is to give them just a moment to figure it out or make a decision, and i try to build these moments into as much of my training as possible) Then i'll use my entire body to move them back from the gate, sort of the way i'd open a door with my butt if my hands were full (this is a version of a thing called body blocking that doesn't always involve touching but is physical communication based on what you are doing with your body) I'll wait until i can get them to just stand there without me touching them before i start over and reach for the latch again.

This is where they get focused, because the gate isn't even close to open yet, so they aren't too excited to pay attention. You need them to give you the behavior you want before you start doing the thing that makes them excited. The more excited they are the harder it is for you to communicate or intervene, and it's easier for them to just maintain a current behavior than to change an excited behavior. In this case we'll say the behavior you want is staying calmly behind you until you tell them they can come out the gate, so you make them stay calmly behind you before you even start opening the gate.

The dog wants the gate to be open. The gate opens slowly. The dog starts moving toward it, the gate starts closing. The dog goes back to what it was doing when the gate was opening, and the gate starts opening once more.

Dogs understand this situation pretty quickly.

Then, when it's open, before i tell them they can go, if they start to move toward the gate i will physically move my body to block them from getting out the open gate. If they try hard enough to make this difficult for me, i simply close the gate again.

You can't do this for all the things you want to train for, and it doesn't work for every dog, but it is pretty likely you can do some variation of this basic communication with most dogs to accomplish many situational behaviors.

Like, for example, not leaping out of your car.

Or take jumping up on people. What the dog wants is to put its face near your face. You can let that happen without them jumping by slowly crouching down to let them sniff your ear and lick your cheek or whatever (my dogs aren't allowed to lick my mouth, but they can lick my face, unless they are like the twin beagles i walk, who are disgusting poop eaters and aren't allowed to lick me at all). Anyway, if they sit calmly you continue to crouch toward them slowly, if they come out of a sit, you stand back up. If they stay calmly sitting what they want gets closer to happening, if they try to jump or anything, what they want goes away. This is the kind of communication dogs understand very fast.

And let me also say, you have to show them you are paying very close attention to them. If you want them calmly standing still and they even LEAN forward, you want to let them know you saw that, you want to acknowledge that, whether with a little noise or a look, or pausing the activity for a second, or whatever. That lean forward is communication from them, and responding to it shows you are participating fully, that you are paying attention to them. This will usually automatically make them pay more attention to you back.

and it's communication you do understand. A lot of people think it's some kind of secret dog code. True, there are a few things to know that are like dog language but MOST of it is like, if the dog sees something she wants to eat or fight, and she leans toward it, she is (literally) getting closer to trying to eat or fight it. You can tell what's going on pretty easy if you see it. Like, if every part of a dog's face (nose, eyes, ears) is pointed at a single thing with laser focus, it is highly interested in, or even having strong feelings about, that thing. Your dog is telling you this clear as day, and all you have to do is notice, there's really not that much deciphering.

That early intervention / close attention thing is huge in any training situation. I work with my dogs to not bark at other dogs, and so when i see a dog a block away, i'm already looking at my problem dogs, and when i see that they see the other dog, i say their name, not mad, just, i see you, i'm watching you. I'm aware of both you and that other dog, and i have my eye on you about it. If they stand very tense with their ears and tail hard up, that's already too much, that's already breaking the rules, and I'll let them know i disapprove. That's as rude as walking right up to someone and silently staring hard at them in their face. Imagine if some one did that to you in public?

See, a lot of times when two leashed dogs cross paths and one of them starts barking, it was actually the OTHER dog that started shit, really. And if i have an easily offended dog, i have to convince them to not go off about it. And the way i do that is, I Am In Charge of Public Interactions when the pack is with me. Other dogs other people, they are not allowed to interact with the dogs, all interactions come through me. And the same goes for my pack, they do not interact with dogs or bikers or people. That is my job. They are not allowed to. And my other job is making sure everybody in the pack maintains behavior standards. So.

Anyway, the earlier you start the dialogue, the easier it is to get them to listen. By the time they are already standing on their hind legs against the leash barking, it is far too late to communicate anything to them, they are lost in the sauce of adrenalized action.

What i think of as "getting in early" allows for a full range of communication. When i get in early i can say "Bubba, i see you" in a very lightly disapproving tone and it's usually quite effective because Bubba isn't overly excited yet and knows i am paying attention. When it's not effective, and now he's at step 2 out of 5 in the escalation toward the thing he's not allowed to do, I can give the leash a tiny tug and put just the smallest edge to my voice when I say, still pretty lightly, "don't do it Bubba." See, we're just having a conversation, neither of us is barking or growling yet. And believe me, your shout is a bark and your angry voice is a growl to them just as much as we understand a growl to be their angry voice. Give yourself as much space as possible to talk before the two of you get to that point

That said, there have been a few dogs that superman-leapt from the van a couple of times, and those are dogs i had to catch mid jump and sort of toss back in the van, and then stand blocking the van door staring full at them until i was sure they weren't getting ready to try again. You do have to control the situation.

hope that helps!

#dogs #dog training

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vital-information · 7 months

Text

"What I really realized about some of my ideas of freedom is that they were like neoliberal fantasies. It's like, 'let me choose everything,' 'leave me alone all the time,' 'don't put any demands on me--only I will make demands.' It's a dark vision, and it really took me a long time to understand that the things that I'd been taught by the capitalist 80s to believe were unfreedom are freedom. Having people who mean something to you, who you have duties towards, is not unfreedom; it's freedom. It's actual existence...To be free of meaning is not freedom. Now my life is full of meanings, sometimes they're difficult, sometimes they're painful, but it's absolutely full. I don't think children are the only root to that kind of meaning, but I absolutely think you have to find something other than yourself to focus on.

...

When I meet a lot of other lady writers, I know, when we first had children we spent our whole time talking about how we were somehow trapped or imprisoned, but that's the most superficial idea of what a relation with other people is like. Now I consider all my relations--my friends, my dog, my husband, my family--as things that liberate me from myself. They are absolute freedom to me, and without them I would just be completely lost. A dog can do this for you, a cat can do this for you, going down to the larder and volunteering can do this for you. You just need to be among other people at some point, because otherwise it's hard to find in yourself (or for me anyway) a reason to go on.

...

It's a question of what does that freedom involve. I notice with the 'children thing' is that, at least in my own case, you spend so long battling to try and retain your own space. Then, when you look at what you've battled for, it isn't very much. These children are about to grow and disappear so quickly that you're going to get what you want sooner than you can imagine. All of these things are so out of sync with our capitalist discourse which is about 'you do you,' 'get what you want.' When it comes into conflict with this other thing, I guess we have in our heads, 'Am I become some kind of Victorian or old-fashioned person who is domesticated and a traditional woman.' We fight against that as if there's no liberating version of being connected to other people. That is the triumph of capitalism: it convinces you that it's just you and the shops, it's just you and the phone, and that's all that there is. Where there is an older vision of solidarity between people, within families, between children, between men and men, women and women, men and women--a community that is freeing. It's not a trap. It's like the only thing that brings joy.

...

I also think that's one of the tricks of the patriarchy: it makes you feel that all the traditional, supposedly feminine arts are humiliating. But why are they humiliating? In my house, it was the other way around. My dad was the cook. My dad was the cleaner. My mom was working a lot. My dad did a lot of those things. They're not humiliating when a man does them, apparently--[Interviewer Annie Macmanus: They're noble.]--He's been dead a long time, and sometimes, I can think of a meal he used to cook me, and it will bring me to tears. It was an art. And it was nourishing. And it was beautiful. And I'm so grateful. It was an act of love. I can't cook like that. My children will never have those memories of me. But, it's not nothing. It's the art of living. If it was a supposedly traditionally male art, you'd be getting awards for it...So I really resent the idea that these things are humiliating, even when I am picking up pants off the stairs, I think, 'I'm doing something for somebody else.' There is something noble in that, I hope.

Of course, the frustration is real. I think men suffer it just as much as women. I think to the credit of many contemporary men, they are doing absolutely the same amount of work...So the frustration is no longer purely female, which might be one of the triumphs of feminism. It's now something that lots of people have to experience, men and women. It's not that it's not real, but I have come to realize that [the frustration]'s not entirely debilitating. When it comes to art making, frustration can be really useful. Not being able to write, having your hands tied for part of every day, when I get down to my desk, I can't wait. Whereas when I was twenty-seven, I do remember embarrassingly moping around saying, 'Oh, I've got writer's block,' 'Oh, I've got ennui.' That to me now is like a comic thing, a ridiculous person who can't be taken seriously."

Zadie Smith, interviewed on Changes with Annie Macmanus

#zadie smith #annie macmanus #domesticity #housekeeping #hestia #to build a home

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theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction · 2 years

Text

Surprise Guest

Characters: Clint Barton, Reader, Kate Bishop

Warnings: None

Summary: Kate is shocked when you’re the ‘help that Clint Barton called.

“How - how did you find me? In this totally random New York apartment?” Kate was absolutely bewildered, closing the door behind her.

You took off your gloves and sent the young girl a wink. “I mean, I am an Avenger. I could find you from a hole in the ground with a toothpick and battery.”

Completely awestruck, Kate’s eyes widened. “So cool…” She couldn’t help but admire.

You turned your attention to the man waiting patiently in the living room, eyes darting to the mask component of the Ronan costume.

“That,” you started pointedly. “That’s the first reason why I’m here.”

Clint couldn’t help but scoff. “You think I want to be dealing with this thing during the holidays?” He retorted and then mirrored the pointed look at his friend. “By the way, the Avengers Compound was broken into. You know, the thing that you’re meant to have locked up.”

You pulled out your holopad and began typing into it, “That’s actually the second reason I’m here. A break in happened only a few days ago and I’ve been trying to track down some missing items.”

A blue light emitted from the device and then displayed a virtual screen. There were all kinds of items being shown as pictures and a video of the last time they had been used in action. Pointing to the top right corner, you directed their attention to footage from Wakanda.

“Just yesterday I managed to retrieve the shield that T’Challa gifted Steve from the war before The Snap.”

Clint stared at the various images and folded his arms. “How many?”

“Just a handful. I’m searching for the others as fast as I can but right now, that suit is causing a stir amongst some very bad people.” You explained.

Suddenly, a hand sheepishly raised itself and you turned to Kate who was now sitting on the arm rest of a sofa.

“Hi, Kate here. You don’t need to worry about the Ronan suit, Clint and I are on the case.” Kate informed, her tone was bubbly and optimistic. You actually wished Peter Parker was in the room just to see what chaos they’d create.

Smiling at the young woman, you nodded and switched the hologram off. “I know, I saw that little team up on the street and it was pretty amazing. You’ve got some skills with the-“

“Can I have a word with you?” Clint said abruptly stopping your conversation.

Kate took the hint and excused herself from the room, opting to take the dog for a walk. Once she was out, Clint exhaled. The worry and weight of this mission showing on his face.

“What are you doing? Why are you encouraging her?”

You stepped to the side and sat where the young girl had been, smiling. “She’s got skill. It might be worth teaching her a trick shot or two.”

“This life will get her killed or worse.”

“This life is what she’s been dreaming of and she’s not going to back off so easily. She needs a teacher who can show her the ropes and the reality of the dangers. Clint, wouldn’t you rather help her survive?”

“I’d rather she wasn’t involved.”

You shrugged and leaned back. “That’s just it - this life chooses us.”

Masterlist here

#theladyofmanyfandoms #theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction #gif is not mine #clint barton x reader #clint barton imagine #kate bishop imagine #kate bishop x reader #hawkeye imagine #hawkeye x reader #avengers imagine #avengers x reader

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scribespirare · 10 months

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I feel like Miles trying to hide his mating bite from everyone - especially his parents - would be so funny for some reason

when i was 15/16 i tried to hide a hickie from my mother but i am an absolute dog shit liar so she found out basically immediately and then spent like twenty minutes laughing at me. afterwards she taught me the spoon trick so my father wouldn't see. i feel a kinship w/ Miles b/c that's exactly how Rio would react lkajdfladsj;a

“Miguel, we have a problem!”

With a long suffering sigh, Miguel looks up from his work just in time to see a frantic Miles finish a graceless tumble through the front door. The sight of his Omega never fails to warm Miguel, but its up for debate on whether the warmness is from affection and love or irritation. He’d say it’s a 50/50 split.

“Yes, Miles?” he asks as the Omega throws himself down on the couch beside Miguel in true teenage fashion. All long limbs and bony elbows Miguel deftly dodges.

“It’s my mom,” Miles says, sounding breathless. He’s looking up at Miguel through his eyelashes and that combined with the fact that Miguel can see one of his own t-shirts under Miles’ hoodie nearly makes him miss the next words. “I think she saw my mating bite.”

Miguel freezes at that, tearing his gaze away from the tantalizing dark skin of Miles’ throat. “What?”

“My bite! I was getting ready to leave and I didn’t realize I was wearing your shirt until it slipped down my shoulder and I thought I fixed it fast enough but she stopped me and-”

“Miles. Breathe.”

By mutual agreement they’d decided to keep their relationship a secret. The reasons are varied and many; Miles’ age, their antagonistic history, the fact that Miguel is sorta kinda in a position of authority over Miles…when Miles chooses to actually participate in spider society, anyways. The point is that they’ve gone out of their ways to make sure nobody knows until they’re ready for them to. Miles’ mating bite is on the curve of his shoulder. It’s admittedly pretty huge on the much smaller Omega, and the impression of teeth clearly shows Miguel’s double set of fangs.

Miguel’s is on his clavicle. It’s almost delicate looking in comparison, except for the faint trailing edges where Miles had started to tear at the skin before Miguel had grabbed him by the nape and pulled him off. Brat.

Despite the strategic locations they’ve both had close calls hiding them in the past. Miguel’s suit decided to malfunction just right. Miles needed to change his shirt after spilling something on it during movie night, and got teased when he insisted on running to the bathroom to do so. One time Miguel had tried to shower at the gym thinking no one else was there, only for Peter B to show up. For some weird reason. So on and so on.

Still, nobody has caught on, and nobody has ever seen the marks outright. The idea that Miles’ mother might be the first to know, a woman Miguel has never actually met but who he hears plenty about? Yeah, if that’s not panic inducing Miguel doesn’t know what is.

“Are you sure she saw it?” he asks, looping an arm around Miles’ waist and pulling the Omega close.

“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”

“What did she ask?” Miguel presses.

“If I was dating someone.”

“And you said?”

“No.”

“Okay. She probably thought it was a hickie then,” Miguel says, soothing himself with the words probably even more than Miles. Mostly because Miles’ face gets that faint pink glow to it that means he’s blushing. “Es algo bueno, cariño.”

“She thinks I’m sleeping around!” The tone of Miles’ voice is somewhere between horrified and traumatized. “I said I wasn’t dating anyone so now she thinks I’m…soy una puta!”

“Is that better or worse than being mated to someone twice your age?” Miguel asks dryly.

That has Miles snapping his jaw shut at least. He still looks embarrassed though and Miguel laughs, tugging at the Omega until he’s got Miles comfortably in his lap.

“Relaja, cariño. She’s your mother and you’re a teenager. Most kids have already had a few sexual experiences by the time they’re your age and she knows that. Also did I mention she’s your mother? She’s had-”

“No termines eso,” Miles says quickly, shoving a hand directly into Miguel’s face, palm to cheek. “That’s so gross, por qué dirías eso?”

Miguel tolerates the awkward angle his head’s being pushed at for a moment longer, then when Miles doesn’t let up he sighs and bodily grabs the Omega up, wrestling him until Miles is firmly planted with his back to Miguel’s front, trapped between Miguel’s thighs.

“Your mother doesn’t think you’re a whore,” Miguel grunts once the scuffle and Miles’ complaints have died down. “My point was that she’s had a child herself and she knows what being a teenager is like. One little hickie isn’t going to make her think you’re out getting laid every single night.”

“I mean…”

“I said every night, malcriado.”

Miles pats placatingly at Miguel’s thigh. “A technicality. I am definitely getting laid way more often than most people my age.”

“You know what I mean!”

“Yeah.” The word is soft and amused and Miles tips his head back against Miguel’s chest to smile up at him. “Thanks, big guy. I do feel a bit better about it. Though I still don’t think I can look her in the eye for like the next week.”

“I’d make an attempt if I were you if you don’t want to be teased about it.”

“...damn, you’re right.”

#asks #requests #flowerfang #ur right this is fuckin hilarious anon

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rogueshadeaux · 1 year

Text

Silly little Stardew Valley headcanons of mine no one asked for.

I'm back in it lol.

Shane has heterochromia iridium, though not many notice it at first. His left eye is a soft brown, while his right is a deep green. It honestly looks like a trick of the light at first - both of his eyes seem that dark green, one stuck in the shadows from his lolling head as he avoids people's eyes.

Alex is mixed. Sorry (I'm not).

Also, it's Alexandre.

Elliot doesn't use hairties. It's those little clips you use that have like. teeth. you know the ones. Leah got him one of a translucent butterfly as a joke and uh...it now sits at the base of the potted rose on his desk for when he writes.

Mayor Lewis is only mayor because no one's bucked up to run. The people would unanimously vote for the Rusty Spoon you regularly find on your farm if it was on the ballot.

It was Shane's little sister that died and lead to him being Jas' guardian. Jas looks too much like her, and it causes so much pain for Shane.

Also Shane's little sister is Mona, the only headstone you can read in the graveyard.

You know how you can look in Jas' room and her dollhouse is quoted as: "The little family is gathered around the dinner table. Wait...except Grandpa. He's shoved under the bed for some reason." Yeah I like to pretend that's an allegory. Grandpa is the boogeyman under the bed, and maybe the reason Jas is in Shane's care.

when Shane starts his sobriety journey, he finds surprising friends in...Alex and Haley? Alex and he are all about gridball - Shane was semi-pro, after all, a player in college - and Haley's blunt rebukes amuse him. She has the same style of banter as he does. You can catch them on the beach, Shane and Alex throwing around a gridball while Haley is on the side, sunbathing and making fun of them (lovingly).

Linus is a reflection of the nature magic of the Valley - like the bear or the hat mouse. It's why he and Rasmodius are close friends and regularly near each other at festivals; they're arcane users. Linus more so lives in it as an equal rather than a wielder.

This isn't a headcanon but why the fuck doesn't stardew valley have a school. I bet none of these fuckers know what a hypotenuse is.

ELLIOT IS A MERPERSON. You know how Ariel runs away from home for the trinkets of the land? That but storytelling. I am not original in this one but I KNOW it's true. I feel it in my junimos.

Abigail isn't Rasmodius' child. Emily is.

Penny and Sebastian are exes, but in like, a middle school way. I am not elaborating.

Granny and the player's grandfather were childhood friends.

George is a war veteran.

The Travelling Cart transports refugees. It's why they go to the Gotoro Empire to begin with.

George knew his way around mines, and was quite the adventurer. He, Marlon and Gil know each other. Well.

Sam just has one of those personalities where he’s only two degrees away from being a friend to EVERYONE in town. Gets Shane to crack up in the Joja Mart break room, is interested in the prose of Elliot’s writing (he’s a writer himself, after all - songs are just poems). He’s like a dog, everyone just gravitates towards him.

#stardew valley #sdv abigail #sdv alex #sdv penny #sdv haley #sdv sebastian #sdv shane #sdv #sdv headcanons #“haha little silly headcanons!” *proceeds to traumatize shane*

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megpricephotography · 5 months

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So I'm thinking about a dog in 2024 and I am absolutely in love with border collies.. I know thier energy is insane.. This is my question, do you walk everyday, of course you do, how far do you walk? What would I be in for? Do they bark often? I also enjoy black Labradors.. Your blog is quite amazing.. 🙏🐕

That’s wonderful you might be getting a dog next year! Whichever breed you decide on, I hope you find yourself a fantastic companion & enjoy many happy years of adventures together :) Thanks, I'm so glad you enjoy my blog!

I’ll answer your 2nd question 1st: barking. Yes!! Some are louder than others... but most border collies like the sound of their own voice. They'll likely be more vocal than a labrador!

Now... exercising. Border collies are energetic. They need to run regularly & are always eager for a walk! Like most breeds, BCs are happiest (& easiest to live with!) when they're able to combine using their brains, with getting physical excise.

Many pet dogs, even "high energy" breeds, are able to fulfil a lot of their need for mental/physical exercise by going on regular walks... Walks where the dog is most left to its own devices but has the opportunity to run & fully engage its senses, exploring & interacting with the environment. If the owner wants to get more involved & play with the dog too, then great! However, if the owner is tired after a stressful day, then they can mostly mentally switch-off & relax in nature, while their pet has fun & tires itself out!

Unfortunately (& I think it's part of why they have a rep for making hyper/crazy pets), border collies are often pretty terrible at exercising themselves on this sort of walk - where they have to occupy themselves independently!

BCs want owner participation!! They want YOU mentally switched-on & involved in their activities - exploring the wider world is only as interesting as you make it! If they aren't kept busy herding livestock for you, or doing sports like agility, then a BC needs you to come up with other forms of entertainment/exercise, which you can do together. It doesn't need to be complicated, or involve you doing lots of hard physical exertion - but keeping a pet BC well-exercised & contented will take some mental effort, on your part.

They'll often benefit far more from a slightly shorter outing, where your focus is on them & making a real effort to engage & interact - rather than a much longer walk, where you're present but disengaged & expecting the dog to exercise itself.

For some people, the prospect of a pet who demands lots of engagement & interaction, could be more work than an active dog who "just" needs regular long hikes! However, if you like the idea of having a HIGHLY interactive dog - who thrives on doing stuff with you, then BCs can make wonderful, engaging, fun companions.

This got way too long... below are examples of how I keep Flynn "busy" & help him burn off mental/physical energy outdoors! My health isn't very good - I can't go very far & never go fast but Flynn doesn't mind... as long as we're interacting.

All pics below were taken a couple of days ago, in 2 adjacent fields.

Left to occupy himself, Flynn could spend hours out in these wide-open spaces & he'd still be bouncy/bored later. Not because he's insanely energetic - no, the daft dog simply wouldn’t DO anything tiring! If I ignore Flynn, he accepts it & potters along the path... & that’s the problem! He's an athletic, intense dog & he just potters! He's happy but barely using up any energy!! If I want Flynn tired, I have to give him reasons to use his body & - more importantly - his mind!

I take the part of shepherd & sheep & get Flynn herding me across the fields. We play hide-&-seek in the woods. He does tricks & balances on things. I take photos as it's another chance to interact. We might play search games too - I make him wait, go hide a toy/treats, then send him out to find them.

A "game"(?) that's developed over time, is that Flynn loves to find & show me interesting stuff in the environment. Stuff he will not play with alone, but massively enjoys if I join in: piles of leaves, mole hills, tree stumps, good ground for digging! The more animated I am in reacting, the more enthused Flynn gets & the more he’ll exercise - racing way ahead to find the next fun thing & the next! He enjoys it if I show him stuff too!

Anyway, here he is in the 1st field, lying motionless but focused, as he waited for me to arrive & investigate the puddle he’d "discovered". It IS an excellent puddle.

Here he is, extremely excited at the prospect of supervising me stepping into the puddle & making a splash:

Flynn's holding a nasty soggy chunk of grass because this was such a thrilling moment, he felt he needed to have something to bite on, or he might be tempted to nip my boot!!

Here he is in the 2nd field, intent on stalking closer, because I’d crouched down & just me doing that is EXCITING:

I crouched to look for fossils. Didn’t spot any, so I grabbed random pebbles. Flynn finds it genuinely fascinating to watch me choose, pick up, examine & toss small rocks away… He'll eagerly "help" me do this, for as long as I'll let him. He darts after each stone, as I chuck it away, then quickly rush back to watch me choose another. Here he is, concentrating very hard indeed, on a vital Pebble Examination:

Despite not going far, Flynn was mentally (& physically) tired out by the time we got home! Clearly, he'd done important work: herding, hiding, puddle-finding & pebble-inspecting ;-) Once Flynn's exercised, he'll happily sleep for hours on end.

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apples-and-heartbreak · 3 months

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I feel like when I’m reading or watching something, for me to like a hero, they have to

1) have ambition about anything

2) not be annoying

3) not excuse their shitty behaviour with their shitty childhood

4) not be so self-righteous they don’t see their own flaws

For these reasons I hate with a burning passion Jace Herondale, Clary Fairchild, Eli Ever, Tiberius “Cal” Calore VIII, Dean Winchester, and Legend/Dante Santos

Jace is constantly doing something shitty in every book and people don’t care and they just put up with it for some reason. In CoG he belittles Clary because he wants to push her away but keeps coming back to her. He also keeps coming onto Clary when he thought she was his sister and said that cursed sentence in CoG that I need to bleach from my brain. I know if he said that shit to me I would’ve punched him in his stupid face cuz who does he think he is? He mocks the werewolves after they lost a child in their pack, he’s just awful to Alec at times, he doesn’t seem to understand there are consequences to his actions and just does shit because he wants to. He had the emotional maturity of a dried up pinecone.

Clary also does so much shit and people don’t call her out because she’s the protagonist and she just lets Jace do whatever to her because he’s hot. Girl please get a grip. She slut shames Izzy because apparently women aren’t allowed to have a sex life or wear revealing clothing 😒 girl you kissed someone you thought was YOUR BROTHER!! She dated Simon to get over Jace and then kissed Jace in the Seelie Court, and repeatedly thought about Jace in a romantic sense WHILE she thought they were SIBLINGS! I can’t.

Eli is so self-righteous, annoying and hypocritical. He uses God and religion as an excuse to kill innocent people which is just disgusting. Like I get that he thinks being an EO changed a person because Victor became different but he is an EO himself and he just takes it on himself to murder innocent people for simply existing.

Cal has no desire to do anything, at least up to the beginning of King’s Cage he doesn’t (where I currently am). He knows how poorly the Reds are being treated and he doesn’t want to change anything because (and I’m paraphrasing) there would be outrage among the Silvers and a war would break out. Bitch you are already at war! He’s the reason why so many innocent young Reds have lost their lives fighting in a war they have no say in. He sees the Scarlet Guard killing Silvers and he doesn’t try to stop them. He sulks and whines but doesn’t take any real action, which he could if he actually wanted to. He stalks around the camp like Mare’s dog and thinks he’s better than everyone.

Dean Winchester is an abusive asshole. He locked Sam in the cellar when he was addicted to demon blood when he knew the withdrawal could kill him. He shit on Sam for being manipulated. He’s made horrible perverted jokes about women, might I remind y’all of the high school episode (he was at least 26 at the time). He guilted Sam for leaving him in Hell and Purgatory when he did THE EXACT SAME THING when Same went to the cage. He threatened Kaia, a teenager at gun point for his own selfish purposes. He abused Jack til the very end, yelling that he wasn’t family when Jack had sacrificed his soul and life for the Winchesters, and made Jack hate himself for being born. He was shitty to Cas in so many seasons and didn’t care that Cas just went through seeing his son die and wasn’t able to save him. He violated Sam’s body by tricking him into letting Gadreel in which led to the death of Kevin and had the audacity to think he was wronged.

Dante is shit. Julian, his brother, lived with him for centuries, followed him wherever he went and loved him unconditionally. All Julian asked was for Dante to love him back, which he never did. When Julian finally found someone who loved him, Dante made fun of him. And then in the next book he gives up his immortality for Tella, a girl he has known for literal months at most. He didn’t love his brother, who has been with him since the beginning, enough to give up his immortality but he loved this random girl he has known for a couple months at most to give it all up?? Tella should’ve left him in the dust just like she did Jacks and went off on adventures by herself and met someone that wasn’t a twat.

#great poison talks #anti jace herondale #anti clary fairchild #anti clary fray #anti jace lightwood #anti jace wayland #anti cal calore #anti eli ever #anti dante santos #anti legend #anti dean winchester #supernatural #spn #the mortal instruments #vicious ve schwab #caraval #dante santos

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cosmerelists · 10 months

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Why Every Stormlight Character Is Secretly A Cat

Or, you know, as many of them as I can fit into one reasonably sized list!

1. Kaladin: Likes to be high

Kaladin-Kitty: (purring happily on the very tallest cat tree ever)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yup, he loves being tall!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Hardly ever touches the floor if he can help it!

2. Lift: Knows that YOUR food is simply better

Hapless Cat-Parent: S-Stop trying to steal my pancakes!

Hapless Cat-Parent: You HAVE food!

3. Lopen: Sometimes hurts people when he only meant to play around

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ow!! No biting!!!

Hapless Cat-Parent: I-It’s okay! You know I’ll protect you, even if you hurt me.

4. Lewshi: Likes to Play-Fight

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, ha yeah! Lewshi LOVES to wrestle with the other kitties.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Never with murderous intent, of course! She just loves a good play-fight!

5. Szeth: Can see ghosts

Szeth-Kitty: (staring unblinking at a spot across the room)

Hapless Cat-Parent: W-What do you see with your kitty eyes?!?

6. Syl: Sometimes gets the zoomies

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, yeah, she loves to race about like this!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Especially when it’s stormy out, for some reason.

7. Nale: Likes the hunt

Nale-Kitty: (laser-focused, butt wiggling)

Hapless Cat-Parent: That stuffed mouse will never escape you!

8. Renarin: Is autistic (since, you know, all cats are autistic)

Hapless Cat-Parent: I just don’t understand people who think cats are hard to read!

Hapless Cat-Parent: All we gotta do is pay attention to your body language, huh, bud?

9. Rock: Knows the importance of cooking

Hapless Cat-Parent: Making biscuits again, huh?

10. Shallan: SUCH a little faker sometimes

Shallan: (the most mournful of kitty cries)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Y-You can’t trick me! I KNOW I already fed you!!

11. Tien: Brings you presents when you’re sad

Hapless Cat-Parent: B-brought me another rock, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: Thanks, buddy. I love it.

12. Stormfather: Knocks things over and pretends it wasn’t his fault

Hapless Cat-Parent: H-Hey! Did you knock EVERYTHING off my shelf?!

Stormfather-Kitty: (innocently cleaning his tail)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Uh-HUH.

13. Pattern: Will cockblock you at any opportunity

Romantic Partner: Uh, your cat’s creepy, unblinking gaze is kinda killing the mood here.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yeah...he does that.

14. Sebarial: Knows the importance of conserving your energy

Hapless Cat-Parent: Napping in the sunshine, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: You sure live the good life.

15. Rlain: Changes forms when he needs to

Hapless Cat-Parent: Wow! You’re all poofed up!

Hapless Cat-Parent: You look so big and scary! That dog outside is definitely intimidated.

16. Rysn: Is not afraid to jump from very high places

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha ha! Thank goodness cats always land on their feet!

(I’m sorry)

17. Moash: Does NOT accept that humans should be in charge

Hapless Cat-Parent: Oh sweet Moash-kitty, sometimes you stare at me like you’re plotting my demise.

Hapless Cat-Parent: ...Sometimes I think I’m lucky you don’t have thumbs.

18. Cord: “Father, I crave violence.”

19. Navani: A very curious kitty

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I know you must sniff every one of these groceries.

Hapless Cat-Parent: Such an investigative little kitty!

20. Jasnah: Respect must be earned

Human Amaram: I am COVERED in SCRATCHES

Hapless Cat-Parent: You can’t force a cat to like you, you know.

21. Venli: Can’t decide what she wants

Venli-kitty: (mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Oh? You want the door open?

Venli-kitty: (mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: O-Oh? You want it closed now?

Venli-kitty: (ever more mournful meows)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Make up your mind, already!

22. Eshonai: Adapts to communicate with humans

Hapless Cat-Parent: Huh! It says here that adult cats only meow to communicate with humans!

Hapless Cat-Parent: ...Is that your excuse for singing the song of your people every morning at 3:00am, then?

23. Elhokar: Pretends it was all on purpose

Hapless Cat-Parent: Hanging upside down from a claw snag again, huh?

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I’m sure you meant to do that.

24. Dalinar: HATES closed doors

Dalinar-Kitty: (vigorous scratching)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yes, yes, I’d hate to interrupt your journey to the bathroom.

25. Teft: Shows affection by staying at your side

Hapless Cat-Parent: You’re so sweet, Teft-kitty.

Hapless Cat-Parent: You may be grumpy, but you’re always sitting next to me when I’m sad.

26. Thaidakar: Best not to let him get out

Hapless Cat-Parent: Ha, ha, of COURSE I don’t let my cat outside!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Thaida-kat would destroy the whole ecosystem if he got out.

27. Adolin: Looks great in his little outfits

Adolin-kitty: (purring contentedly)

Hapless Cat-Parent: Yeah, and ever since I put him in that little sweater, he won’t let me take it off!

Hapless Cat-Parent: Such a fashion icon.

81 notes · View notes