#i am a criminal now lmao i feel so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seokgyuu · 5 months

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part of the @svthub 70's collab

Lee Seokmin is a very successful and admired Detective in the NYPD. Up until now he has had no trouble catching the bad guys. But when an especially horrific serial killer starts roaming the streets of New York City and he faces perplexity for the first time in his career - his superiors send a unit from the FBI trained to profile Serial Killers, which contains none other than you - Seokmin’s High School Sweetheart.

Pairing: Detective!Seokmin x FBI Agent!Reader

Genre: Criminal Minds/Detective AU, exes to enemies to lovers, Serial Killer AU, angst, Smut (MDNI!)

Warnings: Serial Killer theme, description of violence, description of dead bodies, cult themes, mentions of suicide, mentions of blood, mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide, character death (none of the main characters); smut warnings: fingering, penetrative sex, dirty talk, usage of the word “baby”, begging, reader has female anatomy, unprotected sex, creampie

Wordcount: 15.8k

a/n: I finally made it!! after months and months of writer's block I finally finished this fic, and I am actually really happy with it. Please mind the warnings, as this goes into darker themes. I also want to note, that I am no expert in terms of criminal language especially during the 70s in the us. So, if you spot anything that isn't all that accurate, i apologize! I also want to thank @multi-kpop-fanfics, @bitchlessdino & @strawberryya for reading through this and telling me i, in fact, do not suck at writing lmao. ily guys!!

taglist: @the-boy-meets-evil, @wooahaeproductions, @wongyuseokie

Lee Seokmin was a proud man. Proud of his grades in school and university. Proud of the man his parents had shaped him into. Proud of all the cases he had solved as a detective. With pride comes vulnerability, though. Especially in cases like these when he doesn’t have the right to be proud of himself. When he feels lost and helpless and his superiors look at him as if he had never solved a single case in his career.

He knows. He knows he isn’t giving them or the people of New York City anything to go by. All he can do is say he needs more time. Time that no one has.

“More people will die, Lee.”

Seokmin hates Jeffrey Stolper. Hates him like fire burns. There is nothing he can do about it. Balling his fist under the table, Seokmin slowly raises his head. There is a certain emotion in Stolper’s eyes, an emotion Seokmin was happy to say he hadn’t seen many times before. His older colleague was gloating. While they were working together, their boss put Seokmin in charge because of the very obvious numbers differentiating them. Seokmin solved cases. Stolper left them cold. Seokmin couldn’t count the amount of times he had helped Jeffrey from drowning in his own misery, and this was the thanks he got. The older man was gloating because, for the first time in practically ever, Seokmin was lost.

“Thanks, Stolper, couldn’t figure that one out myself,” he mumbled, letting his free hand roam over his sweaty face. Scoffing, the older male with the slowly graying hair leans back in his chair.

“Not the hot shot everyone says you are, aren’t you?”

“Shut the fuck up, this is not the time.” Seokmin’s voice is quiet but sharp, and Jeffrey laughs, his chest heaving as he seems to be vibrating with the horrendous sound of his arrogant laugh. It takes everything inside Seokmin not to get up from his chair and punch the hell out of the man.

“Lee, Stolper.”

Both of them get up when their superior walks in, a big man with a receding hairline, a stubble on his strong face, and an old suit on his large frame. Frederic Bream isn’t much of an empath, but he does a good job.

“Captain.” Seokmin and Stolper speak at the same time, watching as the captain nods and then waves his hand, telling them to sit back down. Once all of them are seated, he clears his throat.

“I know you hate to admit it, Lee, but we have no leads on this. No leads and a new victim.”

Seokmin’s heart falls down to his feet. Fuck. Another dead girl? Who will it be this time? He feels sweat starting to form at the top of his head.

“Another one?” Stolper is serious and reaches for the case file Bream put on the table. Seokmin feels as if someone had dumped him in ice water, unable to move, shivering. He hates the fact that Bream is right - there are no leads. So far they haven’t gathered anything from what this monster does except that he always does it the same way.

“Lauren White, 23. Student at Columbia,” Stolper reads, his face in a grimace, “she was found near Times Square, too. Fuck, Lee, I told you to put more patrols out!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Even if we put every man we have on the streets, this city is huge, Stolper. He could just start moving them somewhere else.”

Stolper doesn’t respond. Instead, he shoves the file over to Seokmin, who takes it with his jaw tensed.

“This is different from before, boys,” Bream clears his throat, “this is a high-profile murder. She is the daughter of the district judge.”

Seokmin looks up from the file.

“Why is this different from the other four victims? Because she has an important dad, suddenly the tables turn?”

Bream sighs, pulling a hand over his red face.

“It’s not fair, I know that, Lee. But this changes everything. The judge is furious. Was a real fucking asshole about it too, even for someone who just lost his daughter. He wants the slasher to be caught yesterday.”

“Oh, and we don’t? Captain, please, this is bullshit!” Seokmin scoffs, throwing the file back on the table and glaring at his superior, who looks straight back at him.

“I know. We all know Seokmin. It’s a bad situation. But, some might say, it did bring something good.”

“And what’s that?” Stolper speaks up, crossing his arms. Bream clicks his tongue.

“We got sent help. From the FBI.”

Silence is what follows. Seokmin feels the ice inside his veins melt and instead get replaced by fire. He knows Stolper feels the same. Everyone here feels the same. The fucking feds.

“They can’t take this from us. We’ve been on this for months,” Seokmin hisses, and Bream nods again, licking his dry lips.

“They won’t take it from us, Lee. They are only here to help. In fact, they aren’t… our usual feds.”

“What does that mean?” Seokmin raises his brows, leaning forward, hands on top of the table.

“They are a completely new department. Focused on the behavior of criminals, analyzing them, trying to figure out what is wrong with them.”

“They are killing people. That’s what's wrong with them!” Stolper shouts, and Bream holds up his hand.

“I understand that you’re upset. God knows I am, too. But there is nothing I can do. Go talk to them. They just arrived.”

The ice is back, and this time it hits Seokmin right in the face. They are here already? Waiting for them? Embarrassment flows through his veins, mixed with an emotion he has never felt before regarding his job: failure. His legs are shaking as he gets up, but he tries to play it off, his body tensing when Bream leads them to the door and opens it.

The hallway to the main hall suddenly feels longer than it is. The walls are closing in on Seokmin, the gray concrete threatening to suffocate him as he walks over the horrendous blue tiles he never understood were placed in the first place. Nothing really seems to be matching in this precinct. Most especially Seokmin and the federal agents waiting for them downstairs. He doesn’t know how his legs lead him to the glass front that shows the inside of the busy station downstairs. Everything is the same gray color. Everything is the same horrible blue. The only difference is the people standing in the right corner of the room all gathered around the whiteboard Seokmin has so carefully put together these past few months.

His hands are sweating. This isn’t fair. This is his case. They aren’t supposed to be here and take credit for what he has done so far. What exactly have you done, Lee Seokmin? The voice in his head reminds him, and he balls his hands into fists as Bream opens the door leading to the stairs that will finally bring him to the federal agents he knows he’ll hate already.

The atmosphere in the room is tense. More tense than usual because everyone in it is unhappy with the current situation. As if it isn't hard enough that there is a killer on the loose, now there are FBI agents trying to take this away from the NYPD? This is his town, Seokmin’s town! No one knows it as well as him. He knows every corner, every store. Every good place to eat, every bar to avoid. The people know him; they trust him with this, and now he is just supposed to accept that he can’t continue what he started?

He doesn’t know how, but somehow, he does end up right behind all the agents and one of the other detectives, Jeanne, and doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he is bitter. His arms are crossed as he listens to Jeanne explaining what is on the board. She had been a part of this - just like all the other detectives had been whenever they could. It’s not like crime suddenly stopped in New York City just because a serial killer was roaming around. If anything, it just got worse.

“That’s about all we’ve gathered. I know it’s not much, but it’s all we got.” Jeanne closes her explanation, and Seokmin watches the backs of the agent's head nodding. Bream then clears his throat, making the others aware that they have joined and once the team of strangers turns around, Seokmin thinks someone has yet again taken a bucket of ice and dumped it all over his head. Because why on earth are you here?

You see him the second he sees you. It’s almost funny how your professionalism slowly slips out of your control, how seeing him makes memories flood your brain and almost drowns you. Why is he here? He, who had left you with a sour taste seven years prior to this moment? Why is he standing there in a well-fitted suit, looking the best he ever had in a precinct that shouldn’t have anything pretty inside it?

“Detectives, may I introduce you to agents Son, Song, Kim, Seok and Y/L/N. They were sent here by the FBI to help us with the investigations.” Jeanne smiles, but Seokmin knows it’s not an honest smile. You see it, too. When you had gotten the memo to go to New York City and help with the slasher murders, you had already known the detectives wouldn’t be too happy to see you and your team.

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m the team leader, Hyunwoo Son.” You hear your boss speak, and you want to look at him, but your eyes are back to being glued to Seokmin. Lee Seokmin. The one who had taken everything from you when you were nineteen.

“You too. I’m Detective Stolper. This is Detective Lee.” Bream doesn’t sound sincere. For once, Seokmin is relieved his older colleague likes to speak over him. He doesn’t know if he would have been able to say a word.

Catching a serial killer is one thing. Catching him with someone you share an uncomfortable history with, another. You are sitting as far from Seokmin as you possibly can. With as many people between you as there are.

Hyunwoo is standing at the front with Matthew, explaining what your team has gathered as of now. The rest of the precinct is listening to the presentation, and you just know they are all biting their tongues. No one wants you here. All of them think you’re a fraud. While you understand where they are coming from, you also think it’s time for them to accept the newly found ways to analyze the behavior of killers like the case at hand: the Manhattan Slasher. The air is thick with sweat, and you are sure 70% of it is yours.

“We want to make clear that the work your precinct and especially you, Detective Lee, have done so far is incredibly helpful. We don’t want to discredit what you’ve done and we also don’t want to make you feel as if you’re getting kicked off the case. We aren’t your usual federal agents, Detectives, we are here to be of support to you. You still go outside and look at the crime scenes. You still get to do your work. We are here to assist, to see things we have been trained to see, things you cannot see, not for lack of smarts but lack of training.”

You had always admired Hyunwoo. How he spoke so clearly and calmly, how he never failed to make a person feel seen. You can feel the atmosphere shift. Some of the police officers visibly relaxing in their seats. You still don’t dare to look at Seokmin.

“Now, to what we have gathered. Dr. Matthew Seok will lead you through it.”

Seokmin wonders how old Matthew Seok is. He can’t be any older than 23. How on earth is he already a part of one of the newest FBI departments? And gets to be in charge of the presentation? And how does he already have a god damn PhD?

“Hi everyone, I’m Dr. Matthew Seok. With the help of the information you’ve gathered, we were able to come up with a profile for our unsub.”

Seokmin feels a scoff in his throat but manages to hold it back. A profile? What is he talking about?

“We are positive the unsub is a white man in his early to late 30s. He most probably grew up with an abusive mother, which explains why he only picks women as his victims. He doesn’t care about their race or social standing, which tells us he doesn’t hate one specific type of woman, but all of them. The age range of his victims is from early to mid twenties, meaning his mother had him young and gave him up around that time.”

You should be used to it by now. The reaction from the precincts. But it bothers you just as much as it usually does. The way they look at each other, the way they are already fed up with you being here. Your eyes wander over to the rest of your team, who you know are just as fed up as you, but they are better at hiding their emotions. Yuqi just stands there with her gum in her mouth, her arms crossed, and hoping she’ll get to go on the field soon. While she is an excellent profiler, she did train to become a field agent. It was pure coincidence that Hyunwoo had overheard her talking about this one case even Matthew had been struggling with. Jungwoo is the quietest one of your team, especially in situations like this. He just stands there, hands folded in front of his frame, eyeing the situation calmly. The team leader himself stands next to Matt still, his arms crossed as well and his gaze wandering over the crowd of people. A traitorous part of you envies him for being able to look at Seokmin without any repercussions.

“How the fuck do you know that?” A voice now erupts from the sea of people. You turn around to see the man who had walked in with Seokmin. Stolper, you think his name was. A frown appears on your face.

“It’s not our job to explain profiling to you,” you say coldly and the older man’s eyes find you - just like Seokmin’s do. You decide to ignore them and turn back to face Matthew.

“Uhm. Yes, well, we do ask you to look into certain… well, behaviors. People like our unsub aren’t exactly the most masculine. He is probably very thin and might even have a disability - perhaps a prosthetic leg or something that makes him feel inferior. Look into churches, veteran centers, see if you find anyone that could match the profile and-,”

“You mean to tell me that the killer could be a vet?” Bream now interrupts, his eyebrows raised. Seokmin presses his lips together. If his colleagues hadn’t been wary of your bunch before, they sure as hell are now. War Heroes? Their precious American patriots that fought for their country and won a war? How could you even dare to speak ill of them?

“No. He most probably didn’t serve. He tells people he did and that that’s the reason he has said disability,” Matthew continues calmly and you smile slightly. It was a reach, your reach, but so far all your reaches had been a shot to the bullseye.

Then there was a sudden thud somewhere behind you, followed by hurried footsteps and news none of you could pretend didn’t make you sick to your stomachs.

This feels wrong. It’s broad daylight, there are people everywhere. You stand next to Matthew, your hands buried in your pockets, and listen to the statement of the girl that had called the police.

“She was just next to me and then.. and then suddenly she wasn’t. I- I was confused and looked around and then I saw this- this man and how he dragged her by the arm into his car. No one did anything, no one- no one helped her and I- I didn’t-,” her voice breaks off and another set of tears well up in her eyes. Seokmin nods understandingly.

“Miss, you have nothing to blame yourself for. It is a busy street and you and your friend were not glued by the hip, alright? We will do our best to find her and you shouldn’t worry about what you could have done differently. You called us right away and that's the best thing you could’ve done.”

Tears are rolling down her face, sobs are erupting from her tiny body, and you wonder if Seokmin would ask her out if it wasn’t for the circumstances. The second the thought hits your brain, you freeze. What the hell? Why on earth would your mind go there? In a situation like this? You shake your head to yourself and look around - the police have put tape around the area where Kelly has gotten abducted. Her friend, Jean is being questioned, along with the few other people who claim to have seen something. But other than the witnesses, there isn’t much to go on about. The car he had dragged Kelly into had been an old one and Jean couldn’t exactly tell what kind. She also hadn’t been able to make out the license plate. So, all in all, it was all more or less useless information.

“Detective Lee, I will need you to go to the morgue with Dr. Seok and Y/N,” Hyunwoo is suddenly there, right next to Seokmin and you hear his voice and feel your stomach tighten. The professionalism has to stay in its place, you know that. There is no room for you to fall back into old patterns; that one silly thought you had earlier was enough. You can’t let it get any further.

But the tension is there and it's suffocating. You’re in the backseat of Seokmin’s car and Matthew is talking the man’s ear off with information you have heard millions of times before. Thankfully your friend and colleague doesn’t feel what you feel, what Seokmin feels, and for a short second you ask yourself how he even became the youngest member of your team - only for you to remember you have never met a mind as brilliant as his, with the exception of human interaction. He isn’t too good at those.

The morgue is just like any other you’ve been in. This one still feels different, though. Probably because of the young girls you know shouldn’t be dead laying on top of the examination tables with nothing but a thin blanket over their pale, lifeless bodies. You should be used to this by now, you think. But you doubt you ever will be.

Matthew is standing next to one of the women, the fourth victim, Fernanda Franco, with this look on his face you’ve seen many times before. You’re standing opposite him, your arms crossed and your eyes shifting over the body, wondering how much pain these women had been in.

“He did a thorough job with the cut,” the coroner says now; he is standing on the side of the room, holding a file, “my guess is he is good with a knife, maybe working with animals.”

“Right,” Matthew mumbles, a frown on his face as he leans forward, eyeing the victim from top to bottom. It’s somewhat fascinating how good he is at spotting things others haven’t seen before. Perhaps it had made you jealous a while back, but fortunately, that is over. Instead of being jealous, you appreciate his work and his abilities.

Seokmin, meanwhile, is also looking through files. Mostly from the crime scenes. How the women looked before the coroner took care of them. The fact that they are all still here, and not yet down under, no funeral held at this point, makes his stomach turn. He knows it’s wrong. But as long as they haven’t found the killer, as long as there might be more evidence on the bodies… Seokmin suppresses a sigh. He wants to give the families the chance to find closure so badly. If only by giving them the opportunity to put their daughters, sisters, grandchildren to rest.

The pictures are still hard to look at. The blood everywhere. The stained clothes. The signs of clear torture. Nothing sexual, at least. But then again, perhaps the killer doesn’t need to sexually assault them to feel arousal. That’s what Matthew said earlier. Seokmin closes the file and pulls a hand through his hair, his hat safely stored on one of the cabinets.

“Dr. Richmond,” Matthew’s voice makes Seokmin look over to where you are standing.

“Dr. Seok?” Richmond walks over to Matthew who is standing bent over the body, his hand holding… the victim’s ear. Immediately, you and Seokmin step closer, both of your eyes glued to the women’s earlobe. Something inside your stomach turns, goosebumps suddenly all over your skin and you feel your breath getting stuck in your throat.

“Why wasn’t this in the files?” Matthew now continues to ask, his eyes not leaving what he found. Dr. Richmond feels his face go pale and sweat starts to form on the palms of his hands. Blood is rushing through his ears and there is nothing he can say, nothing he can try to come up with because the bitter truth is-

“He didn’t know it was there,” Seokmin finishes the thought and Richmond swallows hard, hands wiping away at his lab coat. The detective is right.

“Do all of them have this?” You ask now, finally able to move away from Fernanda and move over to Jennifer Cartwright, who looks way too peaceful for what had happened to her. But then, you are happy she does. A part of you hopes she is feeling peace wherever she may be. When you reach for her earlobe, you already know it will be there. You take a deep breath.

“I’m- I don’t understand. I never… nothing like this ever happened, I-,” Richmond’s voice echoes through the room, but none of you pay him mind. The small crosses, carved into the soft tissue of the women’s earlobes, take all of your attention.

There were only a handful of people in the meeting room. Your team and Seokmin and his superior officer. It bothered you, kind of. More people had to know.

“These crosses, they have been used before,” Matthew is pacing through the room and Hyunwoo is right there at the front of it, his arms crossed and his thumbnail between his teeth. He is thinking, listening.

“This was in the late fifties, early sixties. A cult, they all followed this one man, Jonathan Brixley. He claimed to have somewhat superpowers, and while most didn’t actually believe him, he was such a good preacher, they followed him anyways. They weren’t known for being violent up until they seemed to vanish. Many thought they might have done a suicide pact, but no bodies were ever found. But what we do know is that whenever one of their own died, they would carve a little cross into their earlobe. Almost unnoticeable. Almost like a birthmark - it’s not even that surprising Dr. Richmond didn’t catch on.”

“He didn’t catch on that all of the girls have the same strange birthmark?” Seokmin frowns. You roll your eyes.

“We are all aware that this isn’t the ideal situation, Detective, but perhaps being bitter about it doesn’t make it better.”

It’s the first time you and Seokmin have directly talked. Or more like, the first time you had openly acknowledged each other's presence.

“With all due respect, Agent, I don’t care. I want to be bitter, I am allowed to be bitter. If we had known this weeks ago, we might have cracked the case by now!”

“I highly doubt that, Detective. With all due respect,” Matthew chimes in and the (unpleasant) moment between Seokmin and you is over.

“And why is that?” Seokmin’s superior officer asks.

“Well, as I said, the cult vanished. Finding out where the last remaining members are is almost an impossible task. If there even are any - I doubt they’d wanna be found. For all we know, they could be hiding in plain sight and we wouldn’t know.”

The atmosphere gets even more uneasy. If that’s even possible at this point. Seokmin scoffs and looks away, his hands in fists. You should know how to de-escalate but your head comes up empty. It’s almost as if there is an invisible barrier that forbids you from actually trying to be reasonable with Seokmin.

Just when Hyunwoo seems like he wants to say something, the door opens. One of the police officers, a woman with red hair you don’t know the name of, comes in.

“We have a situation,” she says and her eyes are full of something even you, a profiler, isn’t so sure what the meaning of is. It looks like fear, confusion, but also something like hope. Immediately, everyone gets up and follows her outside, where you spot the board with all the pictures of the victims on it… and a red thread connecting one of them to a new face.

“That’s the girl I talked to earlier.” Seokmin breathes and he looks over at Ruth, who nods.

“Yes, Detective. Jean told us that she knows one of the girls - Rebecca Twain. They used to go to the same church, same goes for her friend, Kelly, that she called in as abducted.”

Your eyes widen at that and you look over at Matt, who has his hand over his mouth, his face in a frown. A church. That fits the idea of the cult. All of you who were in the room earlier know that. This is good, this is an actual clue, one that might even lead to something after all!

“What church?” Bream now asks the police officer named Ruth.

“She wasn’t too sure. Said they haven’t been there in ages. She knew Rebecca when they were children and Kelly came to join them a few years later. But they haven’t gone to the church in at least 12 years. She said she would call us with more information, but so far she hasn’t.”

It doesn’t take a genius to understand why she hasn’t called the station yet. You sink down, leaning against one of the desks now, a hand rubbing over your face. This was bad. Seriously bad. Whenever a cult was involved in anything, it could only be so much worse than anticipated. Of course, her parents wouldn’t let her talk about it. Who would ever want to talk about something like this? Being part of a cult, if now or in the past - with everything happening these past years.

“We need to speak to her parents. Now.” Hyunwoo is already out the door, probably heading to his car and you look over at the rest of your team, who all seem more or less as lost as you. It turns out to be Seokmin who follows your team leader first and once you see his figure speed past you, you also begin to move.

The ride is quiet. Hyunwoo’s hands are white around the steering wheel. You sit next to him in the front, Seokmin in the back. All of this feels surreal to you and you are sure it’s not that different for Seokmin. Serial Killers were a constant part of both of your lives, but you - you haven’t been for a good amount of years. It’s like a bad taste in your mouth, as if somehow the food you would always cook perfectly suddenly went bad, had a foul ingredient in it, was cooked for too long. You’re not sure what it is, but it doesn’t sit right with you.

Seokmin, in the back seat, feels about the same as you. He is used to gruesome murders, to killers who don’t care about anything but themselves, but he isn’t used to having you around in all of this. Someone from his old life that he doesn’t associate with any of this. Never in a million years would he have predicted you becoming a federal agent. When you dated back in high school, you had always talked about wanting to go into politics, fighting for women’s rights, feminism, all that jazz. You had even applied to all the IVYs, wanting to study political science. So, how did you end up here?

“We will have to be careful.” Hyunwoo now breaks the silence and makes Seokmin and you look at him.

“The parents won’t be too happy to share their story, I can imagine. No one likes to admit they were in a cult, not after Manson.”

You nod and Seokmin scoffs, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms.

“One would think people wouldn’t even join any cults after Manson,” he says and Hyunwoo laughs bitterly, nodding slightly as he takes the next right at the intersection.

“Right. Sadly, it isn’t as easy as that.”

You look at Seokmin through the rearview mirror, watch how his jaw is tightened and how his arms are crossed, how his suit jacket is discarded next to him on the backseat. You wonder how long he has been part of this lifestyle, how long he’s been a cop. You hadn’t heard from him in years, not even when your friends offered to do some digging for you. It wasn’t because you weren’t interested. More so because you felt like you would get too invested. Looking away again, you straighten out your shoulders. This isn’t the time to think about the past, there are way more important things to focus your energy on.

Five minutes later, Hyunwoo finally parks the car in front of the house of the Roger’s and the three of you get out to walk over to the front door where Hyunwoo rings the doorbell twice. It only takes about twenty seconds before the door opens and a slim woman with bright red hair and red lips stands in front of you, an apron around her waist and a mitten in her hand.

“Yes?” She looks at you with blinking eyes and the three of you take out your respective badges. The woman’s eyes widen.

It is safe to say that getting information out of Jean’s parents is almost impossible. They are a middle class family with middle class friends, he works in real estate and she does her best to keep the house and children under control. They don’t want to talk about their past at the church, or more like, they try to deny it ever was a part of their lives. Talking to them comes close to talking to a wall, if the wall felt guilt and shame and was worried about its reputation. Only when you mention Jean for the third time, reassuring her parents that they aren’t in trouble and that no one was going to find out, that the only mission you had was to find the missing girl and find out who had killed the other innocent women - they budge.

Mr. Rogers gets up, a certain shake in his knees, and walks over to one of the dark hardwood dressers standing on the right side of the spacious living room, where he opens a drawer and takes out what looks like a little notebook. You, Hyunwoo and Seokmin look at him attentively.

“We haven’t talked to anyone from that church in years. Or well, we hadn’t. Up until a few weeks ago. You see, there used to be this… this farm. It was for retreats, we would go there every other month. Sing and pray, meet new people from other parts of the country,” he begins to explain as he walks back, reluctantly handing the notebook to you. Taking it with a small thank you, you look at the page he had opened it to and see a number and a name.

“This is the name and telephone number of the couple that bought the farm years ago. We- we haven’t been going to the retreats since 1961, but a couple weeks ago an old acquaintance from the church called us. Kathryn Anderson, she was pretty close to Pastor Brix-,” he stops himself mid sentence, “to, uh, to Mr. Brixley. She wanted to know if we knew who bought the farm.” “And what did you tell her?” Seokmin asks now.

“He told her no. That we were never interested in knowing,” Mrs. Rogers now answers the question for her husband, “you see, when we left the church it was mostly because of Jean. We figured after a while that perhaps this church wasn’t what we wanted for our daughter. So, we left. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. A couple months later, the whole thing fell apart anyway. Kathryn wasn’t around for that because she had been arrested about six months before we left the church. Got a good couple of years behind bars for attempted murder, the woman. When she got out, she couldn’t reach anyone - after all, the church didn’t exist anymore. Jonathan had perished, no one knows where he ended up and she was unsure what to do. So, she finally got a hold of us and wanted to know everything about the farm. But again, we told her we didn’t know who bought the farm. We just told her it was over and that she needed to find a different safety net.”

You look over at Hyunwoo, wondering if he thinks the same thing you do.

“But you obviously do know who owns the farm now.” He says calmly. The housewife swallows, then nods.

“We do. Paul actually sold the farm to them.”

How convenient, you think. Hyunwoo smiles and Seokmin clicks his tongue.

“I see. Well, thank you for the name and number, but now it would be great if you could also let us know the address.”

“I don’t understand,” you say, your arms crossed in front of your chest. Hyunwoo is sitting at his makeshift office desk, rubbing his temples.

“What exactly do you not understand, Y/N?”

“Why we need to go to the farm. Or no, why he and I need to go.”

“Don’t be stupid, Y/N. Matthew confirmed it, the cult used this farm back in the day. There could be a lead there. And you and Detective Lee are going because you’re my best agent and he’s their best detective. I also feel like you two need some bonding time. Honestly, I’ve got no clue what your issue is with him, but you’ll need to get your act together. This is a serious case and I can’t have you dislike the main detective.”

Dislike. That’s one word to describe it. You bite the inside of your cheek.

“So, you will drive to the farm with him and talk to the couple as well as check out the surroundings. See if you find anything that could be helpful to the case, got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

Hyunwoo nods, satisfied. He then waves his hand, telling you to get out and do your job. You suppress a sigh and instead walk out and almost into your newly assigned partner - Seokmin. He looks about as happy about the situation as you feel, but neither of you says a word while you walk out of the precinct and to the car that would take you the 100 mile drive to Schnecksville, Pennsylvania.

“You drive.” Seokmin’s voice rips you out of your thoughts and you thankfully react quick enough and catch the keys he throws at you. Rolling your eyes, you walk over to the other side and open the car, sitting down in the driver’s seat. The second your door is closed and Seokmin’s door is closed, his presence almost drowns you.

“I was always better at reading maps than you,” he mumbles next to you and you feel your cheeks heat up and your stomach turn and you decide to ignore him and instead start the car.

Seokmin presses his lips together, the map on his lap and his heartbeat loud and clear in his ears. Bream really thinks he did something. Putting Seokmin in a car with you for the next two hours. Apparently, your little bit of tension did not remain unnoticed and now this was his punishment. But what was he supposed to do? Tell Bream that you were his ex-girlfriend from high school who he had left seven years ago with nothing better than a pathetic letter goodbye. It hadn’t been his finest moment, but god, he was nineteen. Back then, he had enlisted in the army after high school, something he was bound to do anyways, and being cowardly as he was, he just hadn’t felt like telling you in person. Then, when he had been discharged, he had signed up for the academy and here he is now. He knows he should say something, apologize for the way he left you. But his pride and the shame don’t let his lips move, don’t let the words come out. And so he just looks at the map and waits to give you instructions. That’s what he can do. That’s how he can cope with being next to you.

The drive is long and quiet and you turn on the radio at one point, listening to quiet music almost soothing. The highway is wide and the city is behind you and you wonder how long you’ll have to be in this car before your head starts to actually fume from all the thoughts running around.

When you see the sign for Schnecksville, you almost sigh in relief. Seokmin tells you which exit you have to take and you follow his instructions, wondering how you actually got through this drive without any actual communication besides his directions.

Schnecksville is filled with nothing and a gas station. You also pass a motel and a convenience store on your way to the farm that is a few miles away from the city center. Once you finally arrive, you can’t get out of the car quick enough, shoving the keys into your jacket when the car is locked. The farm is bigger than you had anticipated and Seokmin, who has discarded his jacket and hat on the backseat, looks just as surprised as you.

“Guess we have some ground to cover. Come on.” He takes the lead and you follow him, even though a part of you feels the need to run ahead. You don’t. You’re not a child.

The woman who opens the door is in her early sixties with graying hair and a cat in her arms.

When you and Seokmin introduce yourselves and show your badges, she gasps slightly.

“Oh, you know, my sweet peach always runs out when I open the door, she is sick, can’t really find her way back when she gets out. Come on in, agent, detective.”

Her name is Mabelle Travis and her husband is Keith Travis, but he isn’t at home right now. He is getting some groceries for them.

“How kind of your husband to help you with that,” you say as you sit down on the couch in the pastel colored living room. Mabelle nods, letting the cat back down.

“Oh, he is the one with the driver’s license, dear. I can only go grocery shopping if he comes with me. Or our son is in town.”

You nod and look over at Seokmin, who is looking at some of the family pictures on the dressers by the door.

“Your son doesn’t live with you, ma’am?” He asks and Mabelle shakes her head as she sits down on one of the horrifically green armchairs.

“No, Detective. He used to, you know, live with us. But that was before we bought the farm. My husband always dreamt of having a farm. When he retired, he thought it might just be the time.” She laughs and looks from Seokmin to you.

“But, what can I do for you?”

“Well, we were wondering if you’d be alright with us looking around the farm? We don’t know if you know, but the farm used to belong to a church before you bought it.”

“Ah, yes. We did know. I think that’s why we got it cheap. What exactly are you looking for, agent?”

“We’re not sure. But we think the church might have some connections to a case we are currently working on.”

Mabelle nods, her face in a frown.

“Oh my. Well, you’re in luck then. We bought the farm years ago, but only recently moved in. So, most of the barns are still untouched. Only this house has been through some construction,” the cat jumps up on her lap and Mabelle smiles down at it, her hand carefully caressing its fur.

“That’s good news, Mrs. Travis. We’ll go take a look then.” Seokmin nods his head towards the back door and you smile at Mabelle before getting up and following Seokmin outside. There are three barns in total - one is large and two are on the smaller side, leaving the two of you with enough ground to work with for the next few hours. You exchange looks and decide to check out the smaller space first, a barn that is completely bare except for a wooden table at the far right that holds a few blueprints. Seokmin checks them out, his eyes scanning them for anything out of the ordinary. You, meanwhile, begin to knock at the wall, listening for hollow spaces, but also come back with nothing. The barn seems as normal as a barn could be.

The second one is a little trickier. It’s not empty, instead it’s filled with boxes that, after checking as good as each and every one, all seem to be empty. You check your wrist for the time, wiping your forehead with the back of the other hand. You’ve really been at it for the last two hours.

“I think we should move on to the last barn. I doubt the rest will hold anything of worth. Come on.” Seokmin is next to you all of a sudden and you flinch, looking away from your watch and at the man, who has sweat dripping down his temple. His eyes are set on your face and you wonder if you look just as exhausted as he does. Clearing your throat, you nod and turn away from him, walking out of the barn and to the next one.

Seokmin sighs, following you outside and grabbing your arm once he catches up with you.

“Y/N, I am just as delighted about doing this with you as you are with me, believe me. But perhaps we should at least try to do our job.”

His words sting more than they should have and you are well aware of that. Funny to think that such wounds would have healed after seven years. You shake off his hand and turn around to face him.

“Oh, is that right, Seokmin? You’re just as delighted as I am?” You raise your eyebrows at him. “As far as I can remember, Detective, you left me with nothing more but a joke of a letter.”

Seokmin bites down on his tongue. You are right. Maybe it wasn’t right of him to compare the two of you.

“I know that. I know I hurt you. And I should have apologized for that years ago. I was young and-,”

“Let me guess? Stupid? That is in fact correct, Seokmin. But I don’t care about an apology, at least not anymore. I just want to get this over with, not have chit-chat with you about the past which neither of us can change anymore. So, will you go to the third barn with me so we can finally leave this stupid town?”

Seokmin watches you walk away, his heart heavier in his chest than before. He really should have reached out sooner. Pulling a hand through his hair, the detective suppresses another sigh and finally follows you to the third and last barn for you to check.

The Travises invite you for dinner and Seokmin and you are both too polite to decline. Thankfully Mabelle is incredibly talkative, loves telling you all the tales about their son, Henry, and how they used to live in the city but then moved to a smaller town. She is excited about her husband’s birthday coming up soon and Henry coming over to visit, and basically her favorite topic to discuss is him. You try your best to resist the urge to look over at Seokmin next to you, to see if he is as amused about this as you are. He is not your ally, not your friend. You shouldn’t be looking for his gaze, shouldn’t be curious of his thoughts.

“Does your son visit you often?” Seokmin now asks after taking a sip from his glass filled with tap water.

“Not as much as we’d like.” Mrs. Travis sighs and pats her husband’s hand.

“He is busy with working in the city, not always available.” Mr. Travis now explains and Seokmin and you nod. That makes sense. You try to remember the last time you had time to visit your own parents. You couldn’t even really remember.

“If there is something we want to check again, would it be alright if we came back?” Seokmin asks when you finally stand at the front door, saying your goodbyes. The Travises nod, allowing you to come back whenever. After waving at them you walk back to the car, Seokmin now getting into the driver’s seat. As you sit down on the passenger seat the atmosphere quickly becomes tense now that you’re alone again. The second your doors are closed, a familiar sound is heard.

“Oh, you’ve got to be joking.”

Rain. It’s starting to rain. What starts with a few drops on the windshield turns into a full on piss of rain that has the both of you staring at the scene for a few seconds. When a second later you hear thunder so close it almost shakes the car, Seokmin reluctantly starts the engine.

There is no way in hell you can drive home in this weather. As much as the both of you hate it, you’ll have to stop somewhere and wait out the storm. Seokmin suggests the motel you had seen on your way here and you nod, knowing there wasn’t much else you could say or do. Having to stay somewhere with Seokmin, somewhere you couldn’t just flee from, seems like the number one worst scenario you could find yourself in. You look at him from the passenger seat, trying to my sly about it but of course he notices your eyes on his face.

“Believe me, I would rather not do this either, Y/N. But I’d rather be safe than drive on the highway in this weather.”

You don’t answer him. Mainly because you would have to tell him he is right and that’s most definitely not going to happen.

“What do you mean by that?” Seokmin looks at the bored looking woman in her fifties. She sighs and shoves the one room key towards him again.

“I mean, Sir, that there is only one room left. We are fully booked. Have you seen the rain?”

It’s very obvious a rhetorical question but Seokmin is about to go on a rant to tell the woman that, of course, he has seen the rain but how on earth does this justify there only being one room in a god damn motel miles away from any big city?

“We’ll take the room,” you quickly interject, handing the lady your credit card that she looks at with a straight face.

“Honey, you’re in the middle of nowhere. Do you really think we take those things?” You feel your cheeks heat up, retreating the card again.

“That’s 16.50$ for the night,” she continues and you hand her a twenty that she takes without a word, shoving the change over the wooden surface, “have a pleasant stay.” She shoves down the small plastic window and you and Seokmin exchange a quick look before making your way to the room you will now have to share.

There is only one bed. You stare at it and so does Seokmin. Because - of course there is. How could you have not asked the woman at the counter? But then again even if you had… there wasn’t much you could have done about it. Maybe a saw, you think, just saw it in half. The two of you stay silent for a good minute, before Seokmin finally sighs, pulling a hand over his face.

“Looks like we can’t do much about this. Just… it’s just one night, alright? We can do this.”

You don’t really understand why he would say that. Why he would speak for you, when you both know it isn’t okay and you most definitely can’t do this. You take a deep breath, throwing your bag onto the very dirty looking armchair next to the door.

“Whatever,” you respond, rolling your eyes as you make your way into the bathroom, if only to get away from Seokmin for a short while. His presence is stressing you out more than you thought it would. Perhaps that had been foolish of you - thinking this wouldn’t be the absolute worst thing to ever happen. But at the same time, it’s not like Hyunwoo had given you much of a choice. He had straight up told you to get your act together and yet… You sigh, the door closed next to you. The bathroom isn’t even half as bad as you had feared. It’s small and the shower could need a scrub (or three), but other than that it’s decent. The toilet looks clean and the mirror hanging over the sink shows you your exhausted face. Dark circles under your eyes that you touch with your cold finger tips. You remember how you looked back in High School. How much you smiled, how happy you were almost every single day. And all because of him. He, who promised you the world only to rip it away when you needed stability the most. It wasn’t fair. Him being here, him playing such a big role in something so important to you. Finding this killer that took lives like it was nothing. Seokmin is here with you and he sure as hell isn’t going anywhere else. The effect he has on you is annoying, to say the least. You don’t want to feel this way, feel insecure and small and like you need to prove yourself to him. He isn’t worth your energy, your thoughts. Not him as a person at least. Him as a Detective is a different story. Another deep breath followed by some water that you splash into your face, is what finally makes you step out again and face your ex-boyfriend that has taken a seat on the bed, the case file spread next to him.

He is handsome. High cheekbones, perfectly shaped eyebrows. His hair is styled back, but slowly the front strands are falling into his face. His face is in a small frown as he looks at the documents, as he tries to make sense where you all fail to find any. Your heart betrays you by skipping a beat, by suddenly sending a wave of sadness over you. He never told you why he left. He just did.

“Anything making more sense now?” You ask cautiously, walking over to him with slow steps. Seokmin looks up slightly before shaking his head.

“Not really,” he mumbles, “it doesn’t make sense. None of this. Why is he curving the crosses into their ears? Why is he choosing these girls specifically?” You sit down on the other side of the bed, gnawing on your lower lip.

“Well, Matthew told you our theory. Abusive mother, hatred towards women.”

“But why- why would he just go after any woman if his mother was a certain type?” Seokmin looks up at you and you feel a sting in your chest. You shrug.

“You’re right to question this theory. It’s not perfect and it will take a few years until we can really say that we have a high percentage of accurate profiles. So far we’ve been good, very good. But not as good as we can be. This unsub is unique because he doesn’t have a type - it almost seems random. Like he goes out on the street and sees a girl and just takes her,” you lick over your lips, letting your eyes wander to the window, the storm on full display, “he is violent, but he also kills them quickly. No signs of sexual abuse. It’s odd and not like anything we’ve seen before.”

Seokmin listens to you speak and allows himself to actually listen. The whole profiling thing - it most certainly hasn’t been something he trusted so far. But now, hearing your words, seeing the look on your face - he almost feels ashamed of his earlier suspicion.

“It’s just-,” he begins, his hand pulling through his hair, “it’s confusing. Why would he not go for people who look like his mother? Why is he not taking revenge on her over and over again?”

You feel your thoughts stumble over that sentence for a good thirty seconds. Seokmin is right - why wouldn’t he take revenge on his mother over and over again? Why would he kill women that look nothing like her? Without really noticing, you get up, your feet carrying you over to the window, staring at the rain outside, hoping it would give you the clue you so desperately need right now.

“You agree, don’t you? That it is odd!” Seokmin gets up too, only to turn around and look at the files again, his arms crossed, eyes scanning all the pictures and clues the team has gathered so far.

“Yes, it definitely is odd,” you mumble, heart racing in your chest.

“Okay. We’ll go over this again. There has to be something we’re missing. A connection between them, a club they all go to. Anything, just… fuck, it feels as if there is clue right there, hidden in plain sight and we are missing it because it’s too damn obvious!”

Hidden in plain sight. You blink against your reflection in the window. Hidden in plain sight. Matthew had said the same thing back at the precinct.

For all we know, they could be hiding in plain sight and we wouldn’t know.

You swirl around, eyes wide and Seokmin looks at you with a confused expression.

“What?”

“The barn,” you breathe, eyes flickering to the table, where the car keys lay right where Seokmin left them, “we need to go back.”

Seokmin tries to stop you, the storm still howling outside, but you’re not letting him. This is too important, too obvious. You want to kick yourself for not realizing it earlier. For seeing something that was right there, but not actually seeing it.

You run to the car, soaked from head to toe when you sit down on the driver’s seat. The door to the passenger seat opens and Seokmin plops down, just as drenched as you are.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, will you tell me what the fuck is happening right now?”

Instead of answering, you start the engine, the wipers doing their best to clear your view.

“Y/N!” Seokmin repeats loudly and you let out a breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding.

“It has to be in there! In the barn. All those god damn empty boxes. One of them has to have something in it, something they don’t want us to find. Fucking hell, we could have had the whole team here by now, Seokmin! If only we hadn’t been lazy!”

“Wait, hold on. So you think the Travises have something to do with this?” Seokmin asks and you shrug.

“Honestly? I don’t think they do. But it’s still their property now. And most of these boxes are theirs. I’m sure we’ll find something there. We just have to look at every single box.”

You’re almost in a haze, Seokmin thinks. Your eyes have completely changed and the way you drive this car would have been scary if only you weren’t so damn impressive. You have been impressive the whole day, Seokmin thinks. He would never say it out loud (not to you at least) but this job seems to fit you like a glove. Never did it cross his mind back in High School that you’d end up in the same field as him. He gulps down the nostalgia and instead looks out the window, wondering if the rain will stop anytime soon.

It hasn’t been long since the two of you left the Travises and yet, when you arrive, the house is dark. Checking your watch you see it's already after 9pm.

“They said we can come back whenever.” You say more to yourself than Seokmin, but the latter still nods, cursing under his breath when he steps out of the car and into the horrible weather. You run alongside him, passing the house and first barn, setting foot in the one you had a hunch about with both of you drenched from head to toe. Ignoring the cold creeping up, you begin examining the boxes once again. There is nothing extraordinary about them. They are the usual cardboard boxes one uses for moves, all over the country. It’s nothing you haven’t seen thousand of times before and-

“Y/N, look at this.” Seokmin’s voice fills the silence that has only been accompanied by the sound of rain and thunder before. Looking over at him, you see that he is holding up two different boxes upside down. There is a green dot on both of them. Your eyes widen. Quickly, you check your own box - but nothing. There is no dot. Confusion mixed with frustration begins to rise within you and you throw the box to the side, pulling clam hands through wet hair.

“There has to be a system,” you mumble, closing your eyes as you try to calm yourself down. Seokmin hears your words and looks around the room, trying to make sense of how the boxes are lined up. They all look the same. They were all stacked the same when you came in earlier today. There isn’t anything about them that makes one different from the other - except for the dots he had discovered. His brain is working at full speed, his eyes roaming from one side of the room to the other. Only when he looks down, does he see something.

“Y/N, look,” he puts the two boxes he held up to the side and crouches down, your figure standing over him a second later. There were clear lines painted on the floor. He looks up at you and you feel your eyes beginning to shake, as you move as quickly as possible, shoving more boxes to the side and focusing on the floor. And yes, only a few moments later you find yet another line, one that contains boxes with more dots - orange ones. But it doesn’t stop there. Seokmin finds another line and boxes that, once again, don’t have a dot. He wants to pull his hair out, but once you begin looking at the boxes with him, your gaze full of determination, he calms down. Together, the two of you turn over every single box until, after what feels like hours, you let out a gasp. The box you’re holding now doesn’t only have a red dot on it - it also contains something. Seokmin is next to you right when you pull out the small key that makes both of you almost jump in glee. Your hunch had been right. Now all you had to do was find where the key belonged. Your eyes met and without words, Seokmin went to the left side of the room and you to the right one, both of your hearts beating at rapid speed at this point. Neither of you wants to or will leave this place until you find whatever door is hidden behind the wooden planks decorating the walls. Your hands flew over them, knocking to hear a hollow sound, anything that would indicate there being a hidden space. Nervous sweat was now mixing with the rain on your face, the earlier cold all forgotten thanks to the adrenaline you were feeling.

“I got something!” Seokmin suddenly yells after a few minutes and you immediately turn and run over to him, seeing him break the wall free of the plank. Just that there is no wall. It is a thin wooden door with a small lock that looks like it was made for the key safely stored inside the pocket of your jeans. Without any hesitation, you move forward, key back in your hand after pulling it out, and reuniting it with its lock - the door clicking open a second later. Seokmin and you look at each other again before you push the door with your hand, it easily swings open for you and Seokmin to see a narrow hallway led down by an old looking staircase. There is a string hanging down from the ceiling which Seokmin pulls on, lighting up the hallway for you to see more clearly.

“Well, let’s go,” you say and Seokmin nods, both of you with one hand on your gun belts as you walk down the stairs, all the way down to a door that, thankfully, isn’t locked. Pushing this one open as well, you are met by another hallway, longer this time, with three doors leading to different rooms on each side. You feel adrenaline rush through you as you begin walking, Seokmin right behind you. The first two doors lead to empty storage rooms, you taking the ones on the left, Seokmin on the right. Your hands feel clammy and your senses are all heightened as you continue to the next door, opening it at once and checking the insides carefully, gun in your hand. No one is in there - but it’s also not empty.

“Seokmin!” You call out and the man is beside you right then, eyes scanning the room. It’s an office, or at least it appears to be. Right on the wall across from you hangs a portrait of a beautiful landscape and only barely hides a very obvious closet of some sorts. You shove your gun back into your belt and walk straight up to it, while Seokmin goes to examine the desk standing at the left side of the room. He pulls out a pair of gloves from the inside pocket of his jacket and pulls them over his fingers before he begins to open each and every drawer.

“There isn’t much dust around here,” you suddenly say and Seokmin looks over at you.

“What do you mean?”

“Someone comes here regularly. Cleans it of dust, keeps the floors clean.” You look around for a moment, then your focus is back on the painting hanging over the closet. Your hands are also wrapped up in a pair of gloves and you move slowly as you grab the edges of the frame to heave it off the wall. It occurs to you that the last time someone was here, they hadn’t succeeded in putting the painting back into its usual spot. You can tell because it comes off the wall without any problems, having been crooked from the beginning on. Now, you lean it against the wall next to you, before your hands open the closet.

“Is something in there?” Seokmin walks over to you now, nothing interesting inside the desk.

Once he comes to a halt next to you, he feels himself gasp. There is a whole shelf with files that seem to be alphabetically organized. Your heart beat speeds up once more as you grab a random file (Br-Bu) and open it.

“That-,” Seokmin’s eyes widen. As you continue staring at the page, he moves to pull out more of the files. He brings them over to the desk and opens them one by one, until he finds all the names he has been looking for.

“Broshard, Cartwright, Franco, Rogers, Twain and White.”

Seokmin and you are staring at the files. It was all of the girls’ parents. They had all been part of this cult before. It made sense, of course it did. And yet, having it here, black on white, was still a shock. This meant their connection had been right there, so easy to grab, and none of the parents had thought about sharing this with the police. You lean against the desk, hands pulling through your damp hair. Seokmin’s hands are propped on his hips, his eyes reading over the names over and over again.

“We have confirmation now,” he states, “we need to call the precinct.” He looks over at you and you nod, your hands still resting in your hair. Worry rushes through Seokmin and he finds himself standing in front of you a second later, his hands around your wrists to bring your hands back down softly.

“We will get him,” he says then, eyes boring into yours, “we will get him and he will be punished, Y/N, I promise you.”

It’s unprofessional, he knows it and so do you. You don’t ever promise to catch a killer.

“Why didn’t the parents tell you?” Your voice is quiet and Seokmin sighs, shrugging. His hands are still holding you.

“I don’t know. Shame, fear? Whoever is doing this is a cold blooded murder, Y/N, they were probably scared he’d take even more from them.”

“More than a child?” You look up at him, letting the feelings that you’ve been holding back finally crack through.

“I guess so? We will find all of this out tomorrow, we just need to get back to the motel and call the precinct.”

He says the words but doesn’t move. Neither do you. You both stay right where you are, your eyes locked on each other. The air around you shifts, the exhaustion mixes with something you only have faint memories of.

“You are incredible, do you know that?” Seokmin whispers finally, “the way your brain works - it’s incredible. Admirable.”

His body heat engulfs you, makes you feel hot and cold at the same time. You swallow down your doubts and instead let your heart do the talking.

“You’re just as incredible, Seokmin. All the work you’ve done in this case already… if it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Seokmin feels himself holding his breath as his one hand moves from your wrist to your fingers, interlocking them with his own while the other moves up, cupping your cheek, thumb caressing the side of your chin. He feels your skin, the softness he remembers better than he wants to admit.

Neither of you is sure who does it. Who dares to close the distance. But you’re kissing, his lips warm and familiar on yours. Your arms move by themselves, wrapping around Seokmin’s neck as he deepens the kiss, his tongue licking over your bottom lip slowly, asking for entrance that you give him without any hesitation. He kisses better than he did back in high school and his hands are more experienced, moving down and up to grab your hips and hoist you on top of the desk, standing in between your legs now. You grab his face, your tongue licking against his, feeling the stress and discomfort of the day leave you with every touch of his skin. The kiss grows more and more desperate, both of you panting against each other and only after a good five minutes do you part, his hands in your hair and yours on his nape.

“We should get out of here,” he mumbles against your lips then and you nod, letting him help you down the desk.

This time the drive isn’t awkward. It’s filled with something else, something you haven’t felt in so long. Not just regarding Seokmin - but in general. Your work is your everything and you and your team travel around the country more than you don’t. Wanting someone, feeling wanted by someone, this hasn’t happened to you in a while. Your gaze keeps wandering to the driving Seokmin, to the man that had once hurt you so much and now was the only thing you could concentrate on.

“If you don’t stop looking at me like that I will park this car on the side of the road and not give a fuck about anyone seeing what I want to do to you, Y/N.”

His deep voice made your insides turn deliciously, the heat between your legs rising as you licked over your dry lips, eyes shaking as you nodded, averting your gaze from Seokmin’s intoxicating frame. As much as the idea excited you it also seemed like a stupid idea considering the motel really wasn’t that far away.

It doesn’t take half as long as it usually would with Seokmin speeding down the road, finally parking the car in the parking lot, getting out of the car and opening the door for you, his hand around yours in no time as he leads you to the door, both of you drenched again when you step inside. But even with all the tension between you two, Seokmin walks over to the telephone on the wall, passing a young man who just seemed to have left his room to go outside. You present him with a nod when he smiles at you, quick to look at Seokmin again who is now dialing the number of the precinct.

When he explains what you found, he speaks quietly and rushed, you by his side the whole time, holding his fingers between yours. The tension doesn’t subside, it only gets shoved to the side as Seokmin talks to his superior, who was still at the station at this time, waiting for your call. Your head feels dizzy, the situation bizarre but also somewhat addictive. The second Seokmin hangs up, knowing his colleagues will leave for Schnecksville as soon as the storm gets better, he wraps an arm around your waist and leads you to your room with hurried steps.

The door falls shut behind the two of you and your body is pressed against it, Seokmin’s one hand skillfully wrapped around both of your wrists, pinning them over your head as he dips down to kiss you, his thigh pressing between yours. A moan escapes you, your hands wiggling under Seokmin’s grasp. He kisses you with the same desperation as before, his free hand underneath your shirt, fingers pressing into your skin.

Nothing is inside your head except the need for him. You don’t want to feel anything but his touch, his kisses, the way his tongue feels against yours - hot and wet and perfect. He moves his arm around you again, picks you up as if you weigh nothing, carrying you over to the bed where he drops you, your eyes wide as you stare up at him. There is no light in the room beside the one coming from outside, making him look angelic. His carefully styled hair is falling into his face now, his lips red from your kisses. His pupils are blown out and the look in his eyes runs shivers down your spine. You watch as he gets rid of his jacket and belt, following his movement as you sit up a little bit, skillfully opening the belt with your gun and leaving it on the floor next to the bed, feeling the mattress move the next second as Seokmin lowers himself onto the bed. Your hands find his nape once more just as he presses his lips against yours again, hands roaming from your hips to your stomach and under your shirt, gripping your breasts one by one and moaning into your mouth when his thumb feels the stiff nipple underneath your bra.

His tongue licks against yours again, your back arching against him as he moves to kiss down your neck, biting and licking and kissing all the same. When he hears your sounds, he feels himself growing harder, his composure almost breaking as he takes off your shirt with your help, shoving the cups of your bra to the side to dip down and suck your nipple into his mouth, your legs wrapping around his waist as you push him closer to you, teeth sinking into you bottom lip. It feels like electricity between you, the way he touches you sends shocks through your body in the best way possible.

“God, I can’t believe I have you under me again, fuck,” Seokmin breathes against your neck now, his breath tickling you. “Been thinking about you so much, you know? About how much more I know now… how I can make you cum, baby, eat your sweet pussy and have you scream my name.”

His words send another wave of shivers down your body and you nod, wishing for nothing more than for your and his clothing to land on the floor.

“Seokmin… just want you to fuck me, please, need you so so bad.”

He groans, cock twitching and he finally moves to open his pants. It’s all hurried and a little bit frantic, the way you pull on his shirt next and the way your bra basically gets ripped off your frame by him. It drives you crazy, how he kisses you, pushing you further up the bed, your head hitting the pillow as he devours your lips and tongue, his hand squeezing your tits over and over, his stiff cock right there between your legs, still caged in by his briefs.

“How bad do you want it, hm?” He breathes out, his fingers now moving downwards, ending up over your clothed pussy, making you squirm.

“Fuck, so bad, Seokmin. Please.”

He sucks on the skin underneath your ear and lets his fingers shove your panty to the side, sliding through your wet folds and moaning against you. You’re so wet, wet and ready for him.

“I wonder if you still taste the same, baby,” he mumbles, continuing to let his fingers glide through your lips, letting one of them sink into you. Your pussy practically sucks him in, eager to feel him inside. Seokmin kisses you again and your nails are dragging along his back as your hips move against Seokmin’s digit inside of you.

“M-more, want more of you,” you cry out when you come up for air and Seokmin nods, letting a second finger slide in too, fully finger fucking you now as he smothers your neck with more kisses, preceding to suck marks onto the sensitive skin of your breasts, your whimpers becoming more and more frenzied. You need his cock and you need it now. So, you let your hand wander down, grabbing around the wrist of his hand that is currently fucking you.

“Want your cock, Seok… fuck me with your cock.” His eyes meet yours, gaze almost crazy as he curses under his breath, nodding before pulling his fingers out of you, bringing them to his mouth to suck them clean - making you whimper in the process. He licks his lips after.

“Still so tasty, baby… all for me.”

He kisses you one more time, deep and emotional and dizzying, before finally ridding himself of his briefs and you of your panties, hand pumping his length a few times. You watch and swallow, remembering how he had felt back then. He had been your first. And now he was going to claim back what he had made his so many years ago.

When he sinks into you, both of you cry out in pleasure, his arms on the mattress next to your head and his lips kissing your cheek, chin and lips. You are still hugging him close, fingers pressing into his nape and back. His first thrust is deep and slow and your eyes roll back, a long moan escaping your kiss-bruised lips. He can’t keep going slow, he knows that. As hard as he tries - he knows he won’t be able to control himself. Which leads to his thrusts becoming faster, to his moans becoming louder and your pussy clenching around him more often. It’s hot and wet and quick, it’s making you feel like you’re in a dream, his teeth sinking into your flesh, your cries spurring him on. Your legs are around his hips, his cock hitting you right where you need it to with every thrust and when you feel his hand sneaking in between you, thumb pressing down on your clit, rubbing it in perfect circles, you know you won’t last long.

“You feel so good, baby, take my cock so fucking well.” He moves, on his knees in front of you now, your legs over his shoulders the next second. The new angle makes you see stars, especially with his thumb still on your clit.

“F-fuck, Seok! I’m so close.” Your cry makes him smirk, his movements becoming less and less controlled, as he is chasing both of your releases. You give up on keeping your eyes open, enjoying the way he feels, the way he hits you right where it feels so incredibly good. Your body is on fire, everything feels more intense and if you had the capacity in your brain you’d probably worry about exploding.

And you do - you explode only a few seconds later, your orgasm hitting you hard, leaving you to cry out his name, nails back in his skin, leaving clear marks that he will be proud of later.

“That’s right, baby, look at you, so pretty coming on my cock, fuck,” Seokmin feels you pulsate around him, feels how your pussy clenches over and over, milking him for all he has and there isn’t anything he can do but reach his own high, cum shooting out his cock and into your spent core. He collapses on top of you, your legs falling off his shoulders, spasming at the intensity of your climax. His breath is right there in your ear and you finally open your eyes again, fingers moving to stroke through his hair. You stay like this for a while, just catching your breath, feeling him so close after so long. Only when he slips out of you, laying down next to you, his lips pressing a kiss to your cheek, do you regain some senses. Smiling at him, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

When you come back out, Seokmin is asleep. Chuckling, you pick up his shirt from the floor and slip it over your head before laying back down, cuddling into his side and letting yourself drift off into a dreamless sleep.

For Seokmin it’s not a dreamless sleep, though. It hasn’t even been two hours he’s been asleep when he wakes up, cold sweat covering his body. He looks down and sees you peacefully sleeping right beside him, one of your hands on his bare stomach, the other under your own cheek. In any other case he would have loved to look at you for as long as he could, but this isn’t like any other case.

The man, he thinks, the man we saw yesterday. Seokmin gets up, careful not to wake you up, grabbing his underwear from the floor, just like his pants. You’re in his shirt so he has no other choice but to leave the room with his chest still bare. His feet carry him out the room and to the small entrance space, right to the phone where he dials Bream’s number again. The second someone picks up, Seokmin begins talking.

“It’s the son, Sir, the Travises son - he’s the unsub.”

The area in front of the farm hasn’t been this busy in years. There are cop cars everywhere, a S.W.A.T team is about to arrive. Seokmin has his hands pushed into his pockets as he talks to his superior officer. You are standing further away next to Matthew and Yuqi, listening to Hyunwoo’s orders.

Seokmin had recognised the son, Henry, from the pictures at the house. You feel stupid for not realizing it sooner.

“Don’t linger on those feelings, Y/N,” Hyunwoo says, “it had been a long day.”

Yes, a long day that ended with you being too horny to do your job properly. You don’t tell him that of course. Instead, you press your lips together and just nod.

Henry is inside the barn now, the barn you and Seokmin found the secret door in last night. His parents and the missing girl, Kelly, are with him. It’s a classic hostage situation and yet even your team is at a loss of words. It all doesn’t make sense right now. Why is Henry doing this? You let your gaze flicker over to the barn, wondering what he is doing to them right now.

The head of the S.W.A.T team is walking over to Hyunwoo now. They apparently arrived just now

“We are ready for your orders, Sir,” he says, shaking Hyunwoo’s hand. Your boss nods.

“Alright, thank you. I’ll let you know when you can go in.” The man leaves again after that and you look at Hyunwoo, unsure.

“We need him alive, don’t we?”

“In theory, yes. But it’s not always easy, you know that. Whatever is going on inside of him, we will only find out if we get him out, but we need to look at the bigger picture. We need to figure out what his deal is.”

Just then, Jungwoo arrives at the scene, carrying a white box.

“You won’t believe this,” he says, putting the box on top of the police car next to you. Seokmin is suddenly next to you, his arm brushing against yours and making you shiver. You ignore the effect once again.

“Henry Crawl, 36, was adopted by the Travises when he was 9 years old. It says here that his mother committed suicide and the Travises took him in - Mrs. Travis being is paternal aunt. She felt responsible for him, considering the father left right after his birth and his mother died.”

“So, they aren’t his biological parents. They didn’t mention that.” Seokmin frowns.

“Which means that there is a chance his mother was part of this cult. Is there an autopsy report for his mum?” You take step closer to the box and Jungwoo nods, handing you the document. Scanning it, your eyes widen as suddenly the reason for all of this is starting to make sense.

“There were signs of abuse - of years of abuse. Scars, bruises, internal damages.” You shake your head, “he isn’t killing women because he hates them. He kills them because he is avenging his mother.”

“She was part of the cult, probably around the same time as the parents of the girls. They probably knew about the abuse and he somehow figured it out.” Matthew chews on his bottom lip as he shoves his glasses up his nose.

“We need to talk to him. Need him to let the girl go as well as his parents.” Hyunwoo looks over at the truck where all the special units are gathered. He excuses himself and goes over to them. The atmosphere shifts, there are nervous droplets of sweat running down your face. The storm might have stopped, but it’s still slightly drizzling down on you. Seokmin’s hand finds the small of your back. You flinch, your head turning to look at him wide eyed.

“It’s gonna be okay, we’re going to get them out of there,” his voice is soothing you, as much as you hate to admit it. You swallow down whatever you’re thinking and shake his hand off, before walking over to Hyunwoo and the special forces, leaving Seokmin behind.

“I want to talk to him.” Your voice breaks through the conversation Hyunwoo is having with the captain. Both of them look at you, eyebrows raised.

“Y/N-,” Hyunwoo starts, but you interrupt him.

“You know it has to be me. I am roughly the same age as his mother was back then. I am a woman. I know what is going on inside his head. Please, Sir, let me do this.”

If there had been more time, maybe they would have argued with you. But there isn’t any time. And so, they nod. As much as it makes you nervous, you also know that you’re right. You’re confident that you can do this, that you have the ability to save this girl and Henry’s parents. Taking a deep breath, you look over at Seokmin, who’s eyes speak more than a thousand words. He knows why you walked over there and he knows that you are the only one for the job. The smile on his lips reassures you more than you want to admit.

Not even five minutes later you have a walkie-talkie in your hand. The other one landed in the barn roughly a minute ago. Now, you’re waiting for Henry to respond after your first attempt at contact. The rain is still falling softly, the sun nowhere to be seen in the sky. It’s early, you’re not sure how early, but you estimate it to be sometime after 6 am.

“I won’t let them go!” The voice coming from the device in your hand brings you back to the here and now, blood rushing in your ears.

“Henry, hello, it’s good to hear your voice,” you say softly, looking over at one of the windows of the barn, wondering if he is watching you.

“I don’t- I won’t let them go,” he repeats and you lick your dried out lips.

“Okay, Henry. I hear what you’re saying, alright? You don’t want to let them go. Could you tell me why?”

“They need to pay for their sins!” It’s not hard to make out that he’s enraged, crying, but still hurt and confused.

“What are their sins, Henry? Can you tell me?” You look over your shoulder at the rest of your team, Hyunwoo nodding at you and you nod back.

“You- you really want to know?” The shift in his voice tells you that your question had been exactly what he wanted to hear.

“Yes, Henry. I want to know, I want to understand.”

There is silence on the other line for just a few moments. You remain calm and don’t ask again. It’s important you give him space, important for the hostages as well as to earn his trust.

“They- they knew about my mum. My adoptive parents. I heard them say it. They knew why the police came to visit. It was because of her, because of mum. She was tortured by them, by the whole cult! And everyone who knew about it and didn’t do anything needs to be punished.” His voice is shaking as he speaks and you wonder if the hostages are in the room with him or if he has them hidden underneath the barn in one of the rooms you found last night.

“You’re doing this for your mum, Henry? You’re avenging her life?”

“Yes!”

“I understand. You did well, Henry. You hurt them the way they hurt you. They should have never taken your mother from you, Henry, that was wrong of them,” the words leaving your mouth aren’t what you’re actually thinking, but they will do the trick. Henry will trust you, he will listen to what you have to say.

“I- I did this for her. I wanted her to know I never gave up on her. B-but-,” he stops and you hear a sob, sure now that he is indeed crying.

“But? You can talk to me Henry, I am here for you.” You bite your lip, hoping you’re not pressing the matter too far.

“B-but…,” Henry starts again, “but he- he betrayed me. He told me- he told me they were the only one’s at fault. He told me he wanted to avenge her too…”

He? You once again turn to your team, all of their faces in frowns.

“Who is “he”, Henry?”

No answer. Henry isn’t responding. You feel a slight panic arise inside of you.

“Henry, it’s okay. You don’t need to tell me, okay? Just- tell me about you, about your mum. You must miss her dearly, right?”

“My mum deserved better than what she got. She shouldn’t have killed herself, she should have fought through it! But she couldn’t. She was so scared of what they had done to her, what he had done to her! I wanted them all to suffer, wanted them all to know what it feels like losing someone they love. And I did that, I did that to him too!” He gets louder with every word.

“Henry, you’re frustrations are valid. But, please, it is enough. You’ve showed them, you’ve hurt them. Enough people have died, Henry. Let your parents and Kelly go and you will be free.”

Henry is silent for a short while again.

“If he doesn’t respond, we’ll go in,” the S.W.A.T team’s leader is now saying to Hynwoo and latter holds up his hand, as if to signal to give it more time.

“Henry? Can you do that for me?” You ask again. Everyone is growing more and more uneasy, the more time passes. Your hands are sweaty and you feel like the rain isn’t the reason for why your clothes are damp again. Just when Hyunwoo is about to take his hand down, to let the special unit do their job - the doors of the barn open and Kelly runs out, the Travises right behind her. They all seem completely out of it but there are clear signs of relief on their faces. Seokmin and Stolper run towards them, helping them when they see, that Mr. Travis is limping and both women are spurting wounds on their face. You close your eyes and take a deep breath before pressing the button to talk again.

“Henry? Henry, are you there?”

“My parents always loved me. They raised me when mum died. But they knew, you know. They knew! Which means, they need to suffer, too.”

Your heart skips a beat when you throw the walkie-talkie to the side and run towards the barn, your team right behind you. You don’t think you’ve ever run as fast as you do right now. The air is tight around you and its rough to breathe.

Henry is right there at the back of the barn, holding a gun to his head. You scream and Hyunwoo shoots forward to tackle him down - but it’s too late. The shot is heard but your eyes are closed, your knees growing weak but you stay standing. Henry is dead even before he hits the floor and there is nothing you can do.

The hostages are free, so it counts as a win. The Manhattan Slasher is finally caught. He lays there, dead on the ground. He is getting carried away now, by two coroners who present you with a nod as you wait for Matthew and Jungwoo to come back upstairs. You hadn’t felt like you could go downstairs and see whatever Henry had left for you to find.

You're sitting outside now, seeing Seokmin approach you, with a file in his hands. You look up at him, blinking against the rain. When he stands in front of you, it’s almost like the sun showed its face after all. He isn’t smiling, though. He just radiates this energy that immediately gets your spirits up.

“The judge,” he says, handing you the file, “it’s all in here. He was the one controlling Henry. Told him all those parents were the reason his mum suffered. And while it’s not all a lie - the judge himself was the actual perpetrator.”

With a slightly shaking hand, you reach for the file and open it, reading through what is evidence of Seokmin’s words. Now, this was something neither you nor your team has predicted. You swallow down a set of tears.

“He used Henry. But for what?”

“My guess is as good as yours, but, if I may try myself at your job: They probably got fed up with his shit. Told him they would rat him out to the police if he didn’t turn himself in for abusing that woman. He began killing their children as a way to keep them quiet. My guess is, that he has been keeping them quiet ever since Henry’s mum committed suicide and they all only recently began to wonder if maybe this was wrong.”

Seokmin’s words reach your brain and they make sense as much as they don’t. You’ve been working this job long enough to know that there will never be something as full closure. People act irrationally all the time, do things no one understands. There is nothing you can do about it but wait it out, wait for the injustice to die down within you. In the end there is no point to try and understand people like this. Not that these parents deserved to have their daughters get killed.

You thank Seokmin with a small nod and he sits down next to you. Next there will be the arrest of the judge. Then the parents will be questioned, and will get a punishment of their own because they didn’t stop the murders when they had the chance. You know they couldn’t because they were scared, but the law is clear.

You feel Seokmin’s hand capturing yours and you look over at him. The business around the farm isn’t done yet. Boxes get carried and there is more forensic personnel than you’ve seen in a while, probably taking apart the basement you and Seokmin had found. It should be relief you’re feeling but right now you’re just tired.

So, when Seokmin pulls you against him, arm around your waist, you don’t even try to stop yourself from laying your head on his shoulder and closing your eyes.

header by @wongyuseokie.

#svthub #svthub.collab #lee seokmin fanfiction #dokyeom fanfiction #seokmin fanfiction #seokmin x reader #dokyeom x reader #dk x reader #dk fanfiction #svt x reader #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen smut #svt smut #dk smut #dokyeom smut #seokmin smut #lee seokmin smut #ksmutsociety

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sandy-the-glader · 2 months

Note

Hi!! I hope this is okay!! If not, no worries!! 💜💜💜 (I love you lots!)

Can I please request an Adrian Chase x fem!innocent!reader Where while Adrian is out and about doing his Vigilante work he comes across a bunch of criminals in a warehouse, and after they’re all “taken care of”, he hears someone crying and finds a girl hiding behind a pile of the criminal’s stuff, and she’s handcuffed to something over there, so she couldn’t leave even if she wanted to. She’d obviously be completely terrified of Vig, but as we know, he is very good at reading a person and would clearly see that she is innocent, and had been taken by the bad guys. Normally he would just set the innocent girl free and be on his way, having already taken care of the bad guys, however… He had unfortunately taken off his mask right before finding her, and had forgotten to put it back on, so she has seen his face. Panicking, he just picks her up, and takes her to his car with him, driving straight to the 11th Street Kids HQ, carrying in a terrified Y/n, he himself all panicked, and the team is like “wtf did you do????” “Did you abduct her???” And he’s just like, “No no, I saved her! But then she saw my face… So I guess, yes??”

Lmao it’s honestly a mess, but the team takes care of Y/n’s injuries, apologies for Adrian’s behavior lmao, and lets her stay there until she has recovered, as not only is she hurt, but very scared. After a while of staying with them, she gradually starts warming up to Adrian, him desperately trying to get her not to be afraid of him anymore (for a while there she was terrified of him), and their relationship eventually grows into a more romantic and intimate one🥺🥺🤧

Afraid of Me

*Not my gif*

Character: Adrian Chase x SoftFem!Reader

Type: Fluff and sorta angsty

Length: 5.4K (a bit long)

Summary: Request above <3

Trope: Strangers to friends to lovers, Slow-burn

A/N: LONG A/N!! Sorry this took forever I've been busy with a lot of stuff and I just haven't had any time but I worked on this whenever I could. Btw again I bent the request a little bit (I'm not sure if I wrote what you wanted for it and I apologize ) so I hope it’s okay I just made this go over the whole period of time the show does and like more so there's more time for a bond to be built lol

I heard a quick gunshot followed by another. Tears continued to fall from my eyes as I was tied to some random wall in some warehouse, Apparently, I was not supposed to come across two men selling heroin to each other but here I am. They claimed I saw too much, took me, and tied me up. Who even does that?

I just wanted to return to my apartment and read this new book I bought. That's all I had planned for my day anyway. Yet now I was tied to a pole in some wet and cold warehouse with random crates surrounding me. I tugged and tried to break from but it was helpless. I cried and sniffled as I continued to try but there was no avail.

Were those shots from them or someone else? Please god, let someone save me. I had been here for hours and I was scared of what they had planned for me. They already hit me pretty hard over the head which caused a small trail of blood to fall from my temple.

I heard loud and heavy footsteps coming towards me. I braced myself and waited for the figure to come around the crate to where I was. He was wearing a teal suit, with blood covering it. It was Vigilante. Should I be happy or terrified? He's a killer but isn't he supposed to be a hero?

"Fuck oh my god." He gasped slapping a gloved hand over his mouth. He was missing one exceptionally important part of his suit. His mask. That must have been why he was so frantic.

In all honesty, he looked nothing like I always pictured him. He was lanky with glasses and he looked really young. He looked mid-twenties though I had a feeling he was older. He honestly looked nerdy.

"I'm sorry. I really won't tell anyone who you are. I-I mean I don't even know your name." I stammered. He didn't care though because he continued to curse.

"Fuck fuck fuck. This is so not good." he groaned. The man ran a thick hand through his hair while bouncing back and forth. "Umm." He pondered confused about what to do. "Shit, I can't let you go." My eyes widen. He already has saved me why not let me go on my merry way? He took off his glasses and put his mask back on.

He came over to me and examined my situation. He crouched down and started untieing the rope that kept me on the pole but didn't bother with the ones around my hands or feet.

I was about to thank him for his acts but he picked me up and started to carry me out. Oh, he's actually not letting me go.

"What are you doing!?" I panicked. I started wiggling my body in his grasp then he held me tighter. "Where are you taking me? This hurts." He continued to keep walking until we reached his car a couple of feet from the warehouse.

Holding me with one hand, he opened the door to his back seat and tossed me in. Judging by his face, he didn't mean it to be as aggressive but it was enough to get me to shut up. He slammed the door and rushed over to the driver's seat.

This is it. After all that's happened today I'm being kidnapped by Vigilante and who knows what's going to happen. I guess the law doesn't apply when it comes to him. I actually can't believe it right now.

The entire car ride was silent. Not a sound from the man or from me. It was terrifying. All I could think of was what was going to happen to me. it took him forever to get to his destination and when we got there I realized it was some rundown video store. That couldn't be where we're going right?

"Guy's we got a fucking situation!" Adrian called opening the door with the girl in his hands. The whole team in the building stared at him with wide 'What the fuck' like eyes.

"Who the fuck is that?" Economos asked adjusting his glasses and leaning over his desk.

Adrian (not so carefully) dropped the woman on the floor making her yelp out in shock and pain.

"Did you just kidnap a girl?" Adebayo's eyes widened at the sight.

"No Adebayo!" He yelled defensively. "Okay, well technically yes but-" He was cut off quickly.

"And why did you bring her here?" Harcourt burst out running a hand through her blonde hair.

"Okay, I was doing my badass stuff, right? Like beating up these bad dudes and I found her behind some crates." They all stared at him waiting for him to continue. "And since I didn't know these dudes took a hostage I took my mask off and that's-" He removed his mask again and replaced the glasses on his face. "Really bad." He grimaced.

"Adrian what the hell dude you could have left her. She would have never turned you in. Look at her. No offense." Chris said. She stayed silent like she never heard the comment in the first place.

She was scared to death, trembling on the floor with small tear streaks down her face. Some of the tears mixed in with blood on the left side of her face. She looked innocent as could be and she definitely didn't deserve to be in this mess.

"Dude what the fuck!" He shouted at Chris. "Now she knows my real name! You have so fucked me!" He continued to cure which didn't make the girl feel any better.

"I did not fuck you! Besides it's your fault for bringing her here anyway." Chris furrowed his eyebrows looking back and forth between the petrified girl and his idiotic friend.

"What is happening out here?" Murn came out from one of the rooms and immediately regretted his decision. "We're supposed to be working on the project butterfly case what are you doing Chase?" He asked sternly.

"Oh, now she knows about Project Butterfly!" Harcourt placed a hand on her forehead.

"Well, it's not like I can kill her because she's innocent" The girl's face drained at the mention of death. "and we can't get rid of her because she might tell someone who I am!" Adrian wined out. He was finally right about one thing.

"She also might screw our plan up," Murn muttered trying to think of a reasonable thing to do with this girl.

"Then what do you suppose we do with her?" Economos folded his arms. The girl had been silent the entirety of this conversation but she finally piped up.

"Um.." Her voice caught everyone's attention and they turned their heads to look at her. "I-I can clean and o-organize around here." She stammered. "I can help you guys just please don't kill me." She pleaded. They all non-verbally agreed she had been through enough judging by the look of blood running from her temple and dirt caking her shirt.

"Yeah that honestly could be useful," Harcourt spoke. She looked around the room to only be met with agreeing faces. She let out another deep sigh before Murn spoke up.

"You will work the same hours as us and will get paid a fair amount." He folded his arms tightly over his chest. He didn't ask he just demanded she work.

"I'm also a fast learner and I can help you with anything you need. I don't have a current job so that would be perfect." She tried to look at the bright side of the situation. I can work for money but this is a destructive and hard-core business she pondered. "And since this is a very um dangerous job I just so happened to be trained in medical care." She offered.

"Oh, sweet! That's perfect so now dyed bear can stop doing such a shit job of stitching me up!" Chris smiled.

"Hey!" Economos protested. It was perfectly fine he thought.

"What about my living situation? C-can I still stay In my apartment?" She asked. They all looked around at each other because that was one thing they hadn't thought of. If they let her stay, she could always tell people without them knowing.

"If we let you stay in your apartment, you must realize he" Murn pointed at Adrian Chase himself. "has to keep watch of you? He somehow always knows if someone is doing something they shouldn't be." She nodded slowly. "And if you tell anyone and I mean anyone you will be terminated immediately, do you understand?" He spoke firmly making her hands tremble.

"I understand." She muttered.

"Now that everyone is done with this whole situation I suggest you get back to work," Murn concluded walking back to his office annoyed with the inconvenience.

I sat there absolutely stunned at what just happened. I just got myself into a bat shit crazy job. I mean I don't even know these people and one of them literally abducted me. This is not normal.

Project butterfly? Are these guys all heroes or something? I already was aware of Vigilante's existence and somewhat Peacemaker but there's a lot more than just those two.

"Oh my god, he didn't even untie you." The blonde-haired woman spoke in surprise. I didn't say anything because really what was I supposed to say? "I'm Harcourt." She kneeled beside me. She opened a switchblade and sliced through the ropes binding my hands together and then my feet. "Come on let's get you cleaned up. She went and collected the first aid kit from one of the desks on the left side of the room and motioned for me to sit at her desk. "What's your name?" She asked.

"Y/n L/n." I said quietly as I stared into my lap anxiously.

"Come sit Y/n." She said calmly trying to make me comfortable.

I stood up uneasily and almost fell back down. I steadied myself and carefully walked over to the chair and sat down gently. She pulled out a couple of cotton swabs and some alcohol. She poured the strong liquid onto the small ball.

"I'm sorry about him." Harcourt hummed taking the cotton swab to my forehead.

"Hm?" I replied softly.

"Adrian." She looked me in the eyes. "He just isn't all there sometimes." She mumbled. She tossed the bloodied-up swab in the trash and put a bandage over the small cut.

I looked over at Vigilante who I guess was named Adrian. He was talking to Peacemaker and he looked perfectly innocent. Not even an hour earlier he was tossing me into the back of his car. Jesus, what did I really get myself into? Not only does he have to escort me home, but now I have to work with him. He's a psycho!

"She has a point you know." The woman I was pretty sure was Adebayo spoke up. I glanced at her and she nodded trying to make me realize it. "He's a really good guy you just have to get to know him. I get it he basically kidnapped you but he's stupid in everything but fighting."

"Yeah okay," I mumbled softly. I don't care what they say now I can't trust him after what he did unless he really proves he's trustworthy. At least these people actually had the decency to tend to my wounds.

She continued to bandage and take care of every cut I had on my arms and face. I enjoyed her already because she was delicate to me and cared about my feelings. Pretty quickly she finished and put all the materials away.

"Come over here I think we found a box of old clothes you could change in." She led me back into the store and I could feel Adrian's eyes burning into my back.

"Dude she's afraid of me!" I panicked at Chris looking him dead in the eye. I waited for her to leave before I talked to my best friend about the whole thing.

"Well, I mean you did throw her in the back of your car. Chicks don't really dig that. Unless they're like hardcore." Okay yeah obviously I fucked up big time but I was under a lot of pressure and I wasn't doing what I should have!

"Dude I didn't know what else to do." I whined

"I mean you just gotta make things right with her I guess. I don't know I usually don't have to apologize to girls." He shrugged his shoulders. Great okay how am I supposed to do that when she's obviously afraid of me? Fuck. "Listen when you walk her to her apartment just be like 'Sorry for kidnapping you in my shitty car that was a pretty bad thing to do!' or something like that." I let out a heavy sigh. This is never going to work.

I came back out to the main room in a sweatshirt with the video store's logo on it and sweatpants that were longer than my actual legs with the same logo down the side of it. I held my original clothes in my arms and I was quiet.

What do I do now? Go home? How am I supposed to feel safe in my own home when I know that guy is watching me?

"Listen." Harcourt grabbed my attention. "You can take as much time as you need before you go home. I know that was probably a traumatic experience for you so let me know when you want to leave." She spoke as if she had read my mind. I nodded. "Also we have your address so we can get you home easily." Okay well, I told her my name and that was all it took to find out where I lived. Spectacular.

"What are my work hours?" I still can't believe I got myself to work for these people.

"Just don't get here any later than 8. Hours are different every day. Since you now work here I guess I should tell you who everyone is." She pointed to Peacemaker and Vigilante who were still chatting near the corner of the room "Chris and Adrian ." Then to the other man in glasses. "Economos." The guy in the other room that I could see through the glass. "Murn." Finally, she pointed at the last girl which I already knew. "and Adebayo."

I stood around for not too much longer before very anxiously describing to Harcourt my wishes to leave. She understood fully and went over to Adrian to make him take me home. He looked at me with some sort of care in his eyes but I just couldn't look at him so my eyes fell back to the sight of the floor.

"Come on kid." Harcourt motioned with her head to leave out the door with the man. I walked out the door and the cool air hit me as the sun started to sink down below the horizon.

One car ride and then I'm home. This time I got to sit in the front seat of his car instead of being thrown in the back like a doll. I secured my seatbelt and then just slumped against the car door. All I could really do was pay attention to the passing cars outside and the quiet buzz of the radio.

I also noticed the pleasing smell of his cologne that filled the car or how he hummed along to the Taylor Swift song on the radio. Someone like him is a swiftie?

"I'm sorry that I kidnapped you." Adrian broke the silence between us in an attempt to apologize. I ignored it and kept looking out the window. It was a long day and I genuinely couldn't tell if he was being sincere or was just trying to make me feel like he cared. "Please talk to me. I know I fucked up." I glanced over at him; his eyes flickered between the road and me. "Hey." He reached for my hand and flinched away with wide eyes and a quickened heartbeat.

His eyes lit up in sorrow. He looked like he felt bad. He backed off and for the rest of the car ride, he didn't talk anymore. There was so much tension in that car I felt like I was going to suffocate. I could barely look at him. I was still scared of his guts.

Every turn and stop made me think over and over about the events that occurred today. It was nauseating.

Finally walking through the door of my apartment left me with this feeling I couldn't describe. All of the events that happened today were fucking unbelievable.

The book I was planning to read was on my bed and was quickly tossed on my side table with a small thud. I sprawled out on my bed not bothering to do anything else tonight.

What. The. Fuck.

It's my first day on the job and my teammate already hit someone with a car. A van actually. I got to the disguised video store a bit after seven and Murn described the plan to me. Since I wasn't significant to the plan I just stayed in the car with a first-aid kit just in case things went south. And oh they did.

"Is he dead!?" I stood in the van looking at Economos dumbfounded. He didn't reply at first he was just making shocked quivering noises.

"I... I don't know?" My eyes widened as he started to get out of the car holding a crowbar tightly in his hands. I left the kit on the seats (since I had been fidgeting with the latches the whole ride) and followed him for support or something like that. Maybe I thought I could help. He inspected inside the car which he had hit fully force.

Judomaster was crawling on the ground in front of the car slowly. Economos inched closer and closer to him holding the crowbar. He whacked him once over the head and jolted backward then his body went limp. We waited and sure enough, he kept crawling. He hit him again and he still was moving. I slapped a hand over my mouth as he repeatedly hit him on the back of the head. He poked him a few times like you would a bug making sure he wasn't moving.

"Oh my god." He let out. "Fuck yeah!" He turned around to high-five me. I lightly returned it. "Don't worry he's not dead." He said sensing my shock. "They're hardcore it takes a lot."

"Well, what do we do with him now?" I looked at Economos for ideas. We ended up tying him up and throwing him in the back of the van. I watched him intensely. When would this dude wake up? I really hope not any time soon. Murn radioed us and let us know that they would be coming back soon with of course Vigilante. Economos drove us back to the spot we were supposed to be in and awaited their arrival.

"You're pretty cool." I complimented him. He was taken aback by the positive words.

"Well thank you." He adjusted his glasses with a bright smile.

We waited for 15 minutes until they finally arrived and loaded themselves into the van. Everyone looked untouched besides Harcourt's messy hair, a couple cuts on Peacemaker's face and Vigilante crying about his bleeding toe. I grabbed the medical kit I had set down on the seats just minutes before and rushed to Adrian's side.

I motioned for him to move his foot up to where I needed it. He hesitated for a moment but then proceeded to lift his foot into my lap. I scoped out his injured toe and I pulled out the needed materials.

Yikes. I was definitely glad that I stayed in the van. Adrian’s foot jerked in my lap as I tried to get some alcohol.

"Hold still!" I complained to Adrian trying to hold his leg down from wriggling under my grasp. From the looks of it, this man had managed to get half of his pinky toe cut off. That is such a bizarre thing for torture.

“It hurts so bad though!” He wined when I took the alcohol to his foot. He had obviously had worse happen to him but this?

“It could have been worse,” I said. My hold got tighter on his leg since it kept jolting side to side.

“Pft yeah, this was nothing!” He lied as if he hadn’t been complaining two seconds ago. “I’ve gone through worse in DND.” A small smile appeared on my cheeks. DND huh? Who knew the big strong Vigilante was a total nerd? And a swiftie...

“One of my characters got their arm bitten off by a bear so I’d say you’re okay,” I said. His eyes lit up at the mention that I had played before." Just sit still it's about to get worse." His eyes clenched shut.

"Oh shit!" He screamed out making everyone irritated in the van. I shushed him gently with a soft hand on his leg. He shut up very quickly but his body still tensed occasionally with every sting. I held his foot carefully as I bandaged it up thoroughly.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" I asked. I still didn't dare to look him in the eye.

"Yeah, but I can wait until we get back." He tried to act tough but I could hear the pain in his voice. I noticed a couple of holes in his shirt. Maybe I could fix his shirt while I'm at it. God am I being too nice?

I mean I'm trying to think of the bright side of what happened yesterday and honestly, it didn't seem so bad anymore. He saved my ass and I'm having a paying job. I can only imagine the pay is fantastic for what these people have me doing. I sat next to Adrian. I was feeling a little less scared of him now when I thought about him like that. Even through the visor, his eyes were peeled onto me. It felt like since I got here they never left.

Getting back to headquarters I couldn't get Adrian to get out of the van without making a scene. I dragged him quickly into the store so he wouldn't draw any attention from people lurking around In the streets. I pulled him by his hand and made him sit in the closest chair I could spot. He whined and moaned obnoxiously loud. I knew the stories and new articles about the man. He was tough and put up a big fight, he never lost against criminals.

I grabbed the larger bandages from an area Harcourt showed me just this morning and also some more alcohol.

"Show me where you're hurt." I looked at him curious about what else had happened to him. He pulled off his chest plate and revealed the deep stab wound in his shoulder. The fabric of his shirt clearly revealed the bloody mess it left. My eyes widen. "You kept this from me until now?"

"I could handle this. The toe I'm not entirely sure." I cleaned and bandaged the wound with intense concentration. I was careful and sure not to cause any more harm after this long night. "Thank you." He said softly. I just nodded and didn't reply with anything else.

The days passed as we worked on this project and the days were long and there was a lot of work to do. I didn't have almost any free time anymore so it was hard to make time for friends I actually wanted to talk to or things I really wanted to do. Adrian continued to try his hardest to earn my trust and befriend me.

I started to warm up to him crazy enough. He did little things for me I thought were sweet. Sometimes he brought me breakfast or he would try to learn about things I liked so he could talk about them with me. I started to trust him more and more as the mission proceeded because he was really good company. He would talk and I would listen.

A couple of days after the whole 'Adrian getting his pinky toe almost cut off' situation he got himself arrested. I didn't even know until Harcourt talked to me about it and what Adebayo said to him. I felt bad for him because as much as I thought I disliked him, I hated to hear he was where he was and how Adebayo literally manipulated him into doing it.

The night he got out he showed up at my apartment because he still needed to check up on me and since he hadn't been able to. For the first time, I felt comfortable enough to hug him. So I did, I wrapped my arms gently around his torso and gave a small squeeze. We stood like that for a minute before he quietly wished me a 'goodnight' without any further words. That was the kindest moment we had ever shared with one another

Then the next day we had another mission. Since all this time has passed, I had been informed on what a Butterfly fully was. At first, it was entirely confusing until I realized these were tiny alien butterflies here to kill us. I know it sounds like something straight out of a sci-fi movie.

I had to sit through a whole meeting in the morning next to Adrian where he (the whole time) joked with me. It felt sorta nice honestly. He never stopped being friendly and I just kind of started to accept it more.

And the whole mission went by quickly.

"Oh my god." I blurted when everyone arrived back in the truck. Peacemaker and Economos were fully drenched head to toe in blood, Harcourt had a good amount on her, and Adebayo and Adrian had little to none on them.

"We fought a fucking gorilla!" Adebayo exploded with astonishment. Jesus, sometimes I wish I didn't sit in the car the whole time.

"Economos is the fucking man." Peacemaker clapped him on the back with a proud grin. I did miss a lot if those two are now getting along.

"All the blood is the gorillas right?" I asked startled for a second considering the amount.

"Yeah we're all fine," Harcourt said tiredly.

"At least no one's arm got bitten off, like your DND character right?" Adrian nudged me in the side and sat down next to me. Sure I had only told him a few days ago about that but it still made me happy that he had remembered that tiny detail.

"Right." I smiled. Chris sat in the front and started playing music like he had at the beginning of the ride. I sang along with the rest of my team members to 11th Street Kids and I actually started to enjoy my work a little more.

I looked over at Adrian who was dancing like a dork. He looked so adorable? He was playing air drums and making up random dances as he went. I don't know why but I started to not hate him anymore. I started seeing this more personal side of him. Not Vigilante but Adrian.

"C'mon dance," Adrian whispered in my ear and nudged me again. I started to sway along with the group.

Later that night Harcourt made a group chat with all of us and sent a photo she had taken in the van. I set the book down I had finally got to reading beside me on my bed and picked up my phone.

Everyone was dancing in the van but on the right side, you could see me looking at Adrian with the sweetest smile on my face. The chat is filled with different emojis. The only number I had was Harcourts but from the merman emoji, I already knew it was Adrian. I liked his message and sent a fitting emoji to match the others.

I set my phone down and continued reading with a big smile. I never seemed to stop today.

It was the final day of the project and I wasn’t allowed to go. I wasn’t entirely complaining since this job was so bizarre but I was also disappointed. I mean all this build up and I don’t even get to go. They said it would be safer for me and of course, I understood.

But as the night carried on and the morning came through I was nervous. I had no texts or word from anyone. Sure, they still could be busy and have to do some other stuff before texting me but what if?

I heard a rushed-sounding knock on my door which threw me off. I ran to my door since the person decided to not stop knocking.

"What do you want?" I hissed as I threw open the door but I was only met with Adrian. My eyes soften upon seeing him. Oh, thank god he’s alive. "Adrian. Hi." I paused when noticing he was in a pair of shorts and a nursing gown. "Come inside." I ushered him in with wide eyes and closed the door quickly behind him. "What are you doing here?"

"Listen I jumped out of a hospital building to be her so-"

"Adrian!" I scolded him for being careless. I had started to really enjoy him I didn't need him being so careless all the time.

"Shut up. Sorry, but I need to tell you this." I stared at him silently with folded arms awaiting what he was about to tell me. "Okay, so after almost dying, I know what you're about to say please just wait. After almost dying, I realized had more feelings for you than I have ever had for someone and that's like a lot for me." He stepped closer to me. "I had to tell you those feelings just in case I actually died sometime. But now I'm scared if you reject me because of the whole kidnapping thing when we first met and usually I would be okay with rejection but I don't feel usual with you." He rambled and his hands made several confusing gestures along the way.

Everything about him told me he was being truthful. His hands were trembling with nervousness, He literally came from a hospital to tell me this and he just had that look on his face.

The feelings from the other day came rushing back. I really enjoyed being with genuine Adrian. The time we spent together over the course of this project was enjoyable. I noticed small things about him like the way he always made sure to keep an eye on me and was careful not to get me into anything super dangerous. He had become almost like a personal guard.

He even taught me how to use weapons, and also never overstepped my boundaries. So yeah maybe I developed a crush on my kidnapper co-worker.

"Why are you looking at me like that I'm like really nervous right now." He asked.

"Because I feel the same way. Even though you did totally kidnap and traumatize me." I nudged him smiling but he didn't return it. "Adrian I was playing with you. But I really do feel the same way." He let out a long breath. I was quite sure he had stopped breathing for a little while.

"Oh thank god." Adrian stepped closer and picked me up in his arms as he kissed me deeply. I've kissed a couple of times in the past but never did it feel as amazing as this. I held him close to me as if he would slip away again. He pulled away to look closely at my face.

"Just because you kissed me doesn't mean I won't scold you for almost dying." I glared at him but he just smiled kindly and kissed me again.

"If I keep. Kissing you then. I won't. Get yelled at." He said in between kisses making me start to laugh.

“Don’t scare me like that again Chase.” I shook my head kissing him passionately once more. I could get used to this feeling.

#adrian chase #adrian chase x y/n #adrian chase fanfic #vigilante #vigilante x you #freddie stroma #freddie stroma x reader #in such a vigilante brain rot again please help #adrian chase x reader #soft angst #fluff

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zhongrin · 1 year

Text

“oh, hi.” (alternatively, “oh. ugh.”)

◇ characters ◇ (no romantic pairing) kaveh, al haitham, xiao, zhongli, diluc, kaeya, tighnari, cyno, itto, shinobu, ayato, ayaka, collei, amber

◇ tags ◇ no pairing, crack mostly

◇ a/n ◇ lmao this prompt hit me so i just had to write something about it okay?

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

you know how when a character gets added to a team, a voiceline triggers? wouldn't it be fun to have a game mechanic where, depending on who’s in your current party, whoever gets added gets special voice lines about that person?

all prompts will be in this format: “x → y” which essentially means “when x joins and y is in the party”. e.g. when kaveh joins and al haitham is in the party.

kaveh → al haitham

“ugh, not this guy! our aesthetics are ruined now! ruined, i tell you!”

“really? him?? not to be rude, but… you have bad taste.”

al haitham -> kaveh

“tsk. it's useless to say this, but... don’t pull the team down now.”

“an unwise decision. given our fighting styles, there is no need for him to be in the team.”

xiao -> zhongli

“it is my honor.”

“wh- mora- ahem. well... this is… unexpected.”

zhongli -> xiao

“at ease.”

“ah, now this is quite nostalgic.” *chuckles*

diluc -> kaeya

“try not to get in my way.”

“aren’t the knights quite busy these days? why don’t you run along and do your knightly duties now?”

kaeya -> diluc

“to think this day would come once again, huh, big brother?”

“what’s with that look, 'luc? it’s not like i’m skipping out on work~”

tighnari -> cyno

“a wise decision.”

“forewarning, if he makes one more joke, i am leaving the team. or burying him alive.”

cyno -> tighnari

“why did the fox cross the road? to catch up with the chicken… get it?”

“ah, a rare fox sighting outside gandharva village. today’s going to be a good day.”

itto -> shinobu

“yo shinobu!! whooo-hoo!!! things are gonna get crazy in here!!”

“owowowowow- hey why’re you pulling my ears already- i wasn’t getting the traveler in trouble, i swear!”

shinobu -> itto

“ah… is this why you called me in? very well.”

“boss, try not to cause too much trouble, alright?”

ayato -> ayaka

“oh? well hello, dear sister.”

“a family outing? how delightful. now this is definitely worth taking a break for.”

ayaka -> ayato

“huh?! b-brother, what are you doing here? i thought you were busy!”

“ahem. good day, big brother. i am just hanging out with a friend, is all.”

collei -> amber

“a-amber?! it’s been so long! uhm- uh- i-i have so many things i wanted to talk about with you!!”

amber -> collei

“oh my gosh, collei! hi!! you grew up so much!! i’m so glad to see that you’re doing well!”

itto -> cyno

“oh. my. god. cyno? the legendary cyno?? the master of tcg, cyno??? yooooo!!! my bro, my man, my dude, duel me!!”

cyno -> itto

“arataki…. itto…….? my apologies. am i supposed to know who you are? you don’t look like a criminal at all.”

#rin writes #rin releases a plot bunny into the wild #genshin impact #genshin #kaveh #al haitham #xiao #zhongli #diluc #kaeya #tighnari #cyno #itto #shinobu #ayato #ayaka #collei #amber

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finniestoncrane · 9 days

Text

Your One True Nemesis

Chapter 39: also on AO3 Masterlist Here Arkham!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 1.5k am i going to cry because this is almost over? maybe lmao💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: some angst, but mostly ambiguous feelings

“My dear, will you please join me in the workshop?”

Eddie’s voice rang out through the hall. Loud, but not sharp. Oddly soft. And there was no hint of sarcasm, no patronising tone, to the pet name he offered you. This alone was enough to make you suspicious, sending pangs of cold, chilling fear through your body as you worried what might be in store for you. That was your default as of late. Things had been difficult since the orphanage, and you had settled comfortably on that being all your fault. And now, anytime you spoke to Eddie, anytime he needed to speak to you, your first thought was always negative, jumping to fearful conclusions that had you so on edge that you were finding yourself exhausted constantly, strung high and forever tetchy.

As you walked into the workroom, he turned to you, his face coloured by an expression you hadn’t seen often in him, making it difficult to recognise. Confusion? Lack of understanding? Lost without an answer. Unlike him. But, despite looking as though he had no idea what he was doing or what he was going to say, he spoke anyway. Very much like him.

“I would like to assuage some… concerns I think you might have been having. Some that I shared until I spent the night dedicating my immense and spectacular brain power to this little conundrum.”

He paused, expecting you to roll your eyes at his ego, but you were staring, unblinking, waiting patiently and focused for his next words.

“As you will know, I have been incredibly busy this past few weeks. I apologise for that, and I apologise for not involving you as much in my work. I felt that you needed a rest, or deserved a rest, or… it doesn’t matter. This work… I’m intending on it being a surprise. For everyone, but mostly for you.”

Your mouth twisted into a confused look, at least that part of your worries could be filed away for now. It had been a while since he had asked anything of you, and to know it wasn’t out of anger or disappointment, or, god forbid, him practising living without you, you could feel the knots in your stomach easing slightly.

“For some time, I’ve been working on a project. One I couldn’t involve you in, even as my assistant. As a trusted party, as a friend. Or more than a friend.”

There was a struggle behind the words, as though he were worried about how they would come out. Scared he might commit to too much, to overstep a boundary neither of you had placed by calling you something more.

“I don’t want you to be hurt.”

Your heart thudded, deep in your chest. Like it had fallen from your throat to the bottom of your rib cage. It knocked you back, the feeling, the knowledge that he cared enough to leave you out of something dangerous. To stop you from doing what was still your job just to make sure nothing bad happened to you. But you were still nervous, still speechless, and unable to speak before he started talking again.

“I think this is why I find it difficult to express my intentions for the future. Because I do have plans, but…”

He gestured around the room, at his failed plans, broken creations, settling his fingertips on old and new scars that covered his body.

“... Completely asinine to plan ahead when you’re… someone like me.”

You hated how right he was. The future, especially to an unreformed criminal, was always blurred, never quite there. Never manageable or predictable, no matter how much they would like it to be. No matter how smart they were.

Eddie’s hand on your shoulder pulled you from your thoughts, your eyes settling on his as he focused intensely on you.

“I hate for this to be rushed, but Halloween is fast approaching and I have it on good authority that we will be rather busy come the big night. So I need you to know now that I will require you to be at this exact address at this specific time. Tomorrow night, the furthest tunnel, 9pm. Can you do that?”

You chose to ignore the tone, his question sounding very familiar to the sarcastic ones he would ask you when you first began to work for him. When he would ask if you could do something simple with the shit-eating grin of a man determined to get to you. Which of course, he had, and still did.

“Is that… the question you had to ask me?”

Eddie reached his hand out, placing it awkwardly, almost formally, against the side of your upper arm.

“No, my dear. That has to wait until tomorrow. I just need to know… that despite everything, you’ll be there.”

The pause before you answered was a little too long, distressing on your end because it meant you didn’t immediately know the answer. Tortuous on Eddie’s as he waited to find out what his future really held in store.

“I… I’ll be there, Eddie.”

He let out a sigh of relief, grabbing your shoulders as he placed his hands down firmly on them.

“Good. Good… Thank you.”

You offered him a smile, one that was so obviously awkward and forced to you both, before you turned and began making your way back to your room. Eddie hadn’t asked you to leave, but you knew he wanted you to. And you needed the space to think. Some time alone to settle your nerves and wonder what kind of cryptic bullshit Eddie was rambling about this time.

A smile crossed your lips. At least that felt like normal. Eddie being strange, difficult to comprehend, frantic in his delivery of emotions. Strangely comforting.

It really had been actually. Comforting. It was awkward, yes, but only because you let it be. You were in the headspace for that. You had been thinking negatively prior to even seeing Eddie’s face for the first time that day. But maybe the tone had been light, or would have been if you had let it be. Maybe there was something warm and tender in the way he said he needed you, to be there, to trust him. That there was an overarching meaning behind his behaviour, behind the words he said, the things he did. His future, though complicated, would be one you were a part of if he had any control over it, and that you had to trust him of that. The question he had to ask-

Fuck.

This could be it.

It felt like it.

The rushed speech, the way he held your arms, looked deep into your eyes. Frantic, but excited. That felt like the mood you recognised from terrible sitcoms. The preamble to an inevitable proposal. An engagement. A declaration of love of the highest, most official, order.

Mrs Nigma. What a complete gas. What a twist. What a… nightmare?

Maybe he was going to do it. Maybe it would be ok. Maybe it was right. But it didn’t feel right. Did it feel wrong though?

It did feel wrong. It felt so wrong. So rushed. So unlike him. The guilt felt like it could almost swallow you, envelop you in an inky black substance that erased any other emotion you might be capable of. You had, for some reason, put an immense amount of pressure on everything. On your relationship, on Eddie. And he was responding like one of the rats in the sewer, stuck in a trap that it had tried to wriggle free from, but had eventually accepted its fate and succumbed to the slow death. Was that what your relationship was? A stifling, suffocating trap? Were you hindering his work? Stealing his focus? Making him make choices, take actions, that he never would have before or under his own will?

But really, how much influence did you really think you could have over him? Realistically, you knew he was still, at his very rore, Edward Nigma. The Riddler. And you were still just you. Maybe a version of you that he cared for, and one he had learned to compromise with. But still, you couldn’t imagine that his feelings towards you would sway his very lifestyle or his long standing goals.

And yet… you could let yourself believe that in fantasy. So then came another pang of guilt. You had to admit to yourself that if you could have Edward, if you could take him away from the things that gave him purpose, you would. Selfishly. You might be able to convince yourself that it was better for him in the long run, but what did you know? You weren’t his psychiatrist or psychologist or therapist. So many had tried and failed before you. What made you different?

Love? Compromise?

So why couldn’t you compromise?

Why couldn’t you accept your status with him? What? It wasn’t enough to just be with him anymore? You deserved more than that?

Each hour that passed by only brought more worry, more questions without answers, possibilities both positive and negative that clouded your mind. The only thing you really were sure about was that, if he asked the question you suspected he might ask, that you wouldn’t say no.

Or would you.

Shit.

Turns out, you really didn’t know anything.

Just like Eddie had said when he first met you. Always right. Of course he was.

#finnie writes #arkham riddler #arkham edward nigma #riddler x reader #arkhamverse riddler #the riddler #arkhamverse #riddler #the riddler imagine #riddler smut #the riddler fanfic #riddler fanfic #riddler x you #edward nigma x reader #edward nigma #arkham!riddler #the riddler fanfiction #arkham!verse #finnie yotn

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bonefall · 6 months

Note

How are we feeling at the book finale? Because outside of the Sunbeam girlboss moment telling Berryheart just how bad of a family she was AND maybe possibly foreshadowing her rejecting Nightheart, I think we miiiight get some more Dark Forest cats than planned before :D (also I may be wrong but- didn't Podlight have children? Would he even be eligible as Medicine Cat in BB?)

Podlight's totally eligible in BB! He has no canon children and I didn't give him any. In BB there's also an interesting quirk in that Podlight is notoriously Mistystar's... not EXACTLY a good-for-nothing grandson, but a bit of a "fratboy" working through daddy issues. Is is extra funny for this cat to be a villain lmao.

Also: Better Bones RiverClan Family Tree

Anyway... my thoughts on the spoiler thread's ending. Mostly negative, unfortunately. I am really hoping that a lot of this is misrepresentation.

I've enjoyed every book of ASC that's come out so far, but if this thread is accurate, this is going to be the first one that I actively dislike. It sounds like there was a serious nosedive in quality.

ON THE ENDING; Park Cats, and The Berryheart Gathering.

Park Cats.

It is profoundly frustrating to me that we had TWO traveling books in this arc. Do they not know by now that traveling books are widely detested for a reason??

Frostpaw and Nightheart were AWAY FROM THE CONFLICT for most of this book, what the fuck?

The plot barely advanced at all. There's been one major conflict in this entire arc, the invasion of RiverClan, and we are 4/6ths of the way through without any other major battles. This is boring.

Riverstar is a major character through this bullshit, now with a magical perfect connection to Frostpaw through plot convenience so he can give her tutorial tips, because GOD FORBID we have a more grounded story for once. I'm so sick of DOTC fanservice. Was a super edition not enough?!

And speaking of Riverstar's Home, they pretty clearly ripped a lot of inspiration out of it. Frostpaw and Nightheart go on a journey with random human-related shenanigans before finding a cardboard cutout of a culture

I'm not gonna lie guys. I do not like the Park Cats. I HAVE TO SAY; It's a step in the right direction

They are not demonized. They are treated as good and legitimate. They are seen as having wisdom and living peacefully.

This is Good. This is Fine.

(im still kind of mad they needed riverstar to come save them back in riverstar's home, like every non-clan culture does apparently, but HOKAY fine ok it's fine)

.....butt.

They're boring. guys, they have one thing that is unique to them, and it's meditation. They live in perfect peace and harmony. there's nothing there.

It's easy to be a perfect, peaceful society if you have no conflict ever.

IF THE SPOILER THREAD IS ACCURATE, we don't see them address strife, how they DO handle disputes, what DOES happen when a cat engages in "criminality," or even really see what their spiritual beliefs are besides "meditating"

And that's why the idea of Frostpaw taking away a good lesson from living with them strikes me as so hollow. WHAT is she taking from them? JUST vague, quiet meditation?? Why couldn't Riverstar just magically teach her that?

It also bothers me that this culture is exactly the same as it was in Riverstar's Home. It's in stasis. Nothing has changed, nothing has grown, they haven't picked up new customs. They don't even seem to have their own history besides remembering that Riverstar showed up generations ago.

It's not a culture, it's a plot device.

I swear, I'm really trying to like them, but RH left this really sour taste in my mouth and them showing up again in this book has only made me more frustrated.

I AM happy that we're going to maybe start trying to address the violence of Clan Culture, but it is coming in the middle of a book where nothing fucking happens, and they're starting to fumble the bag on the xenophobic radicalization that I'd been praising in the past few books

And by that, I'm referring to...

Berryheart's Gathering

through the books so far, I've been praising the slow rise of tension coming from the radicalized members of ShadowClan.

I think the way that Berryheart and her little Concern Club had been slowly escalating in their bigotry and violence was (and remains) unironically fantastic.

We had started off with it just being a group to "discuss the issues," which evolved into active bullying and harassment, progressed into attempted murder, and we left off on the idea that Berryheart's Hate Group was planning something with RiverClan's murder party.

And we are reaching a turning point in that arc, the payoff of a long and well-laid escalation, with...

normal democracy.

berryheart and her supporters approach puddleshine reasonably with their concerns and intent to call for a vote to depose tigerheartstar. doing the thing the fucking code addition was made for

This comes AFTER Sunbeam has a Girlboss Moment telling off Berryheart for being a bad mom in front of the whole gathering and everyone claps, mind you, so this is clearly supposed to be the narrative's big "oooo consequences for Berryheart" moment

So anyway Berryheart brings up that they want tigerHeartstar deposed, and then Puddleshine's like "haHA THIS WAS A ROUSE"

"Actually I only told you i agree to point out how this code addition can be exploited over a disagreement with ONE issue!!!!1"

i just...

im......

would Brokenstar training babies be One Issue? Would Bramblefake being a bully to his entire clan be One Issue? Would Leopardstar allowing Tigerstar to take over RiverClan be One Issue?

One Issue....

And MIND YOU I'm Pro-tigerHeartstar, actually, but the WHOLE fucking point of the rule is that you can depose someone who is not acting in the best interest of the Clans. Fym ONE ISSUE??

IT'S A BIG ASS ISSUE!

So anyway Berryheart is embarrassed in front of everyone, tigerHeartstar tells the group, "You're going to support me or get out of my Clan"

All of her supporters fall in line, but Berryheart chooses exile.

So Berryheart and her group isn't punished for the hate crimes, it didn't lead to anyone getting actually hurt, this faction of cats just settled back down and Berryheart alone was exiled for political opposition to occupation.

not the hate crimes

GOTTA STRESS

The hate crimes did not cause lasting damage, the radicalized group did not cause any violence at this gathering

Berryheart is exiled for political opposition to occupation.

The consequence she faces for the hate crimes was simply not having her son Spireclaw back her up because she caused trouble for Fringewhisker. Like it's on the same level as being a bad in-law and not ATTEMPTED MURDER BASED ON BIGOTRY

And tigerHeartstar, jesus christ

His consistent trait has been becoming unreasonable WHEN HIS FAMILY IS THREATENED. WHY are we tossing this out the window now?

I REALLY REALLY hope that the spoiler thread is misrepresentation, and tigerHeartstar didn't ACTUALLY exile her but said something like, "this is what we're doing. don't like it, leave. you don't have the votes"

SO FOR NOW; I'm going to reserve judgement on what the writers are doing with tigerHeartstar.

This seems like the exact sort of thing that may be worded in an inaccurate way

But that said,

I'm beside myself with disappointment in this turn of events. Why is this about legitimate political proceedings? Why did they make the CULMINATION of this arc about bigoted violence and radicalization a legitimate, peaceful attempt to use the process THEY JUST ADDED, FOR THIS EXACT PURPOSE?

Anyway, then it ends on a cliffhanger

Podlight claims to be the new medcat, pointed out as just being a political maneuver, to appoint Splashtail as the new leader.

Frostpaw watches on in shock and thinks about how bad it is that a murderer is now in charge of RiverClan, and how no one would believe her if she told them all now

I sure hope the next book contains something worth reading. like a fight or something. in the battle cat series. in the arc where theyre trying to say something about violence.

#ASC Spoilers #Thunder Spoilers #there was also sunbeam stuff. she was the highlight of this book just. btw #her stuff is good but it's not the main conflict #and I think the plot is a lot more important #ugh #disappointing.#I'll fix it. but still

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tom-is-online · 2 months

Text

PJSK X SONIC SONGS

I got very bored soooooooooo I gave each character a sonic song to rep them cuz bus rides home are boring and i need mental stimulation

LEO / NEED

GROUP THEME : Reach for The Stars - Sonic Colors

ICHIKA HOSHINO : With Me - Sonic and the Black Knight

She would fuck up the guitar so fuckin hard with his shit shed go so hard its unreal Ichika With me cover when

SAKI TENMA : End of Summer - Sonic Runners

Criminally underated sonic ost and the PIANO its just her. If you put this in the bg of one of her events NOBODY would question it.

HONAMI MOCHIZUKI : Windy Hill Zone 1 - Sonic Lost World

She'd have a blasty playing the drums to this I think, she can include the whole band on there theyd love it

SHIHO HINOMORI : Ocean View: Lap Music - Team Sonic Racing

Tell me Shiho wouldnt love this, Shiho has TSR on her switch and plays it with everyone else after practice. Also its a remix of you can do anything and i think Shiho would know this info and sing along. also the bass in some of the areas goes v hard

MORE MORE JUMP

GROUP THEME : Follow me - Theme of Team Rose - Sonic Heroes

MINORI HANASATO : Believe in Myself - Sonic Adventure 2

Minori Hanasato would love Tails the Fox they would be best friends and they would fly so far and so high and they would talk about their fav blue ppl and be best friends.

HARUKA KIRITANI : Quartz Quadrant - "G" MIX - Sonic CD

It's just a very nice song i think she'd like it a lot :) and sometimes thats reason enough

AIRI MOMOI : Tropical Resort Act 2 - Sonic Colors

You could also convince me this is BGM music for the actual game if i didnt know better lmaoo

SHIZUKU HINOMORI : Apotos - Night - Sonic Unleashed

One of the chillest sonic songs and the best chill sonic song and i am going to learn it on my guitar if it kills me. Oh yea also Shizuku would like it i think :p

VIVID BAD SQUAD

GROUP THEME : Escape from the City - Sonic Adventure 2

KOHANE AZASAWA : Look-a-Like - Sonic the Hedgehog OVA

This might not be from the games but I think she'd love this shit, esp this cover of it cuz I say so also the cover just fucks lmao ALT : A New Day - Sonic Rush (she'd like it :]. and VBS would also just love sonic rush in general I think A new day would replace escape from the city if that just wasnt a funny thing for it to be for their theme.)

AN SHIRAISHI : Radical City : Living in The City - Sonic R

I should not have to explain this to you, its radical city what more do you want from me? money? well you cant have it.

AKITO SHINONOME : Find Your Flame - Sonic Fronteirs

Ok so. IDK if this is a hear me out or not but like, read the lyrics and look me in the eyes thats not just him. You can't I will not accept that. ALT - SPEED HIGHWAY CASH CASH REMIX - Sonic Generations

TOYA AOYAGI : RIVAL BATTLE : METAL SONIC - Sonic Generations

It's got Piano, its got electronic. It's like Rad Dogs with extra steps

WONDERLAND X SHOWTIME

GROUP THEME : Friends - Sonic Mania

TSUKASA TENMA : Lights, Camera, Action! - Studiopolis Zone Act 1 - Sonic Mania

Do i need to explain?

EMU OTORI : Palmtree Panic - Sonic CD

"dodododododo! WOOO! YEAHHHH!!!!!" - Emu Otori

NENE KUSANAGI : Join us 4 Happy Time... For Chao Garden - Sonic Adventure

Nene has an ungodly ammount of hours in the chao garden, you cannot convince me otherwise

RUI KAMISHIRO : Hi-Spec Robo Go! - Sonic Mania

Do i need to explain?

NIGHTCORD AT 25:00

GROUP THEME : Dreams of An Absolution - Sonic 06

KANADE YOISAKI : Area Planet Wisp - Sonic Colors

You will now come to find that Sonic X Niigo is. REALLY FUCKING HARD TO DO. LIKE seriously. I just picked some pretty songs so if anyone wants to rb and pick some better ones be my guest lmaoo

MAFUYU ASAHINA : Aquatic Base (Level 1) - Sonic the Hedgehog

Oooooo mystery oooooooo scaryyyy, idk why i picked it it just feels right to me

ENA SHINONOME : Sea Bottom Segue - Sonic Lost World

The vibes are there? do you get the vision?

MIZUKI AKIYAMA : Fly in the Freedom - Sonic Adventure 2

I have no fucking reason for this I just think they would like it a lot and I have no better ideas besides like. Twinkle park??

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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 1 month

Text

AO3 Tag Game!

Tagged by @mvshortcut :) I'm gonna stick with just this fandom/this account for this one to make it less confusing

How many works do you have on AO3?

44. (Including snippet collections.) For this fandom/account. Far more if you count bi-demon-ium or my old account or my older account or

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Okay this one it won't let me separate by pseud or fandom so you're just gonna have to live with being lumped in with all my MBS and a few other misc fics at "653,461". Didn't get the other accounts though. Man, I'm a mess

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Okay, well, this one by nature is also not solely for this fandom,

(number in parentheses is number of ao3 works posted)

Ted Lasso (obviously) (44) (including snippet collections)

The Mysterious Benedict Society (116) (also including snippet collections)

Instinct (2) (one is a small snippet collection--)

House MD (1)

Death by Dying (1)

Gravity Falls, technically, but it was one crossover (1)

ditto with The Legend of Zelda (1)

King Falls AM (1)

The House in the Cerulean Sea (6)

Shadowhunters (??? at least 36) (some now hidden/lost)

Professor Layton (1)

The Librarians (2)

The Sandman (1)

The Mentalist (2)

Star Trek (AOS) (1)

Sanders Sides (at least 1)

Miraculous Ladybug (1)

Rosewell: New Mexico (2)

The Dresden Files (1)

That's stuff posted to ao3/finished. There's also, technically,

for stuff I published when I was twelve and I now refuse to acknowledge (not all bc of the fandom but bc the fic was Bad):

Doctor Who

Supernatural

Sherlock

Psych

Castle

Welcome to Night Vale

Avengers

A Series of Unfortunate Events

And then stuff I've written for but never finished:

Warehouse 13

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016)

Dirk Gently (2010)

SurrealEstate

Zoo (podcast)

Once Upon a Time

Scooby Doo

Person of Interest

The Goes Wrong Show

Spy Kids (???)

Ace Attorney

The Adventure Zone

Criminal Minds

Star Trek (TOS, TNG, and DS9)

Haven

MacGyver

Trollhunters

exactly one (1) joke The Magnus Archives fic

Percy Jackson and the Olympians + The Kane Chronicles + Tales of Apollo

Leverage

Pushing Daisies

The Sarah Jane Adventures

Megamind

Bones

Avatar: the Last Airbender

Lucifer

Some of these are deeply questionable and/or only have like two (2) wips or even posted works at most, but I'm thorough. Also, I will write about almost anything bc my brain loves to process things like this. I may have even missed something

Top five fics by kudos:

Ted Lasso Kisses Trent Crimm On The Mouth (1125)

semaphore (977)

off the handle (719)

linger (699) (nice)

a preacher, a bikini, and a kiss or two (641)

Do you respond to comments?

I really try to, but then I get all in my head about it and/or am really really tired and put it off so long it then feels like it would be weird to respond because it's been forever. However, if there's a direct question or something I want to address/respond to, as in, I have something particularly unique to say or a question to answer, then I'll usually respond really fast

What’s the fic with the angstiest ending you’ve ever written?

Honestly, I'm not a huge unhappy ending person, a lot of the time I'll have a first chapter I was initially going to end really angsty (see ink sunset and make a mess of you) and then added more to fix it at least somewhat. As is... maybe the somewhat unresolved emotional tension (for Ted and Trent, at least, Roy's doing great) in something to get off my chest, the +1 for betrayal's sting / absolution's balm? I have some worse ones in an old fandom on an old account but. meh.

Do you write crossovers?

Not often, but I rotate them in my brain. Honestly, though, I'm more inclined to write a fusion than a crossover proper. And even so, I tend to just be thinking about it rather than actually writing it. I've only written one crossover in recent memory (recently, that is) and it was mostly a joke about a shared actress made into actual angst.

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

Yeah lmao

Do you write smut?

😏 sure do

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

👁️👁️ not in this fandom

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!! also not in this fandom

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

In this fandom? Trent/Ted. overall? no idea, because recency bias, my all-time favorite is whatever I'm into right now, which isn't really objective but hyperfixationitis.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

:( so many. AND there are a lot of posted fics I want to write a sequel/companion piece for and idk if I'll ever get the energy...

I guess off the top of my head, for this fandom, I'd go with lost sight of (who you are) (motivation died because it's old enough no one knows it exists anymore lkfgjh) and ink sunset (I WANNA FINISH IT I DO I DO I DO)

What are your writing strengths?

I think I can write a really funny string of dialogue, and I'm also fond of fun metaphors, both in the elegant poetic way and in the more Douglas Adams/Terry Pratchett way (which is to say, still potentially elegant but also comedic as hell)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Motivating myself to write anything; being overly self-indulgent

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I'm extremely bad at linguistics in general, so if I must include someone talking in another language in my fic, I think I'd tend to cheat and do italics or some other indication that this is 'in another language' (ie "Where are you going?" she asked in Russian), but that's admittedly a lazy approach. But I also think it's probably better than butchering it with an auto-translator? Also, when people just include the translation in the end notes, even with a link (although that makes it marginally better) it breaks the flow of the story and makes it hard to read. Making an effort to at least match grammar is good (which I would do if it was for longer than a single scene, probably) but I think the best solution is when people know what they're doing and like, have an actual translation with a little html code so you can click on it and it reveals what it means? Or if you're clever, revealing what it means using context around it, but that has its own limitations. So that both like, uses the actual language and doesn't break up the flow. It balances accessibility, flow, and respect for the other language in question well. But you've got to both know what you're doing with the language (either asking someone/hiring someone/knowing the language yourself) and the html (although there are guides for that you'd have to spend time figuring it out + know it exists in the first place to look). And this is fanfiction, something we ultimately do for free in our spare time, so the lazy approach, I think, can be understandable. Maybe not in every context, but it's not worth stressing a lot over in a few random lines or anything, you know? It is really cool when people do know a language well enough to include it properly in a fic, though, it can say a lot about a character or dynamic; and their background(s) and like. it's neat :)

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Ever? Doctor Who. In a shitty little notebook in middle school. Then there was some Star Trek (both TNG and TOS) and Avatar: the Last Airbender and Marvel and such, and then Supernatural (my first smut? extremely terrible Destiel smut. rip) and I think the first thing I ever posted was Welcome to Night Vale? Not sure.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

Oh, man. I have no idea. Here's a few favorites from this fandom:

matters of the heart

trick & treat

vita nova

melt like this

"second impressions"

"reveal"

probably those time travel snippets, just in general

tagging:

PLEASE, if you want to do this, I'm begging you, tag me in it and do it. i'm too tired to come up with names im so sorry

#long post #tag game #:)#gertspeak

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wannab-urs · 8 months

Text

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 19

Hi friends!

Thanks for being patient with me -- I had one hell of a day yesterday and didn't get the Digest out when I usually do. It's short this week: only 10 fics (still not bad, considering, lmao). I read a 40 chapter fic this week that was about 400k words (rec'd below) and I was hooked (am hooked, I have like 5 chapters left). Apologies to all my moots whose fics I have ignored in favor of having my face buried in AO3 for a week, I'm catching up now!

As always you can find the Spreadsheet here and all of my previous fic recs here. Tag me in your fics if you want to be included in a future Digest :)

Recs below the Pedro in a v nice suit:

you can't trust anyone these days - a Joel/Tess one shot by @walkintotheriveranddisappear

TW Noncon - read the warnings - I really thought this was such an interesting take on Raider!Joel. I don't usually see Tess there with him and I also liked the power dynamics/trust thing going on. The plot twist? That was everything!

All over you - a Javi G drabble by @theywhowriteandknowthings

This is super fucking hot ah!! I love needy men who can't wait to get their hands on you. You're at a fancy party with Javi G and you look so hot he has to drag you into a closet. So good

Take My Hand - a Pero Tovar one shot by @pedrito-friskito

Okay so the prompt ended up being Pero Tovar, “is this real? are…are you real?” for fluff and “take off your clothes before I rip them off your body” for smut. And it's perfect. It's got this touch of angst, but it's so fluffy and sweet and then the smut is so hot. I am in love

John Wayne - a Joel one shot by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin

SOOOO fuckin sweet, man. Like it's heartbreaking obvi. You show up in Jackson and Maria is all "this is my husband Tommy" and you're like that's the brother of the love of my life (pre-outbreak). And I won't spoil what happens but I love it so fucking much

Cherub - a Joel series by @cherubispunk

TW Dubcon - read the warnings - Mean old trailer park drug dealer Joel? The mouth on that man... Yeah this is filthy in the best way.

Stay - a Javi P one shot by @millerscoffee

Motherfuckin daddy kink with Javi P???? Hell yes. Yes on every level. This is so fucking hot ugh. The mouth on that man is criminal.

Religious Corruption - a Dave York two shot by @absurdthirst

Just reading the fuckin warnings/content summary on this fic got me screaming. Reader is an innocent virgin beginning her freshman year at a very religious school and she gets a crush on her professor, Dave York. This is not your average loss of innocence fic, not your average Dave York fic, not your average professor fic.... This is unlike pretty much anything else I've ever read and I loved it. It's sweeter than you might expect, but it's got penty of angst and the smut is insane.

I Will Always Find You a Din series by @lahooozaherr

Bodyguard!Din is one of my favorite things ever, seriously. I have only read the first chapter of this, but I'm so excited to read more. The way the whole first part of this fic is a flashback and you know eventually you get kidnapped???? It gives you this feeling of doom the whole time you're reading lmao (good thing, I promise) but like... our Mandalorian is gonna save us, yeah?

Be-All and Endor - a Din series by @djarins-cyare

Listen... this is the most well researched Din fic I have ever read. The amount of thought that went into this fic is insane. The linguistics are fascinating -- I think she absolutely nails the voice of everyone in this fic, especially Din. The knowledge of Mando'a and Ewokese on display here is incredible and if you ever wanted to hear Din Djarin growl strings of (actually coherent) Mando'a (with thorough translations) right into your ear... This fic is for you. The characterization and the way that every single decision made by Reader and Din make sense and build to such a gorgeous character arc? UGH. And while you have to wait... a long time... for smut -- it is so worth it. GODS this fic is gorgeous. I love it so fuckin much. (This is the one I was talking about in the intro)

Breaking in the new house - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

AHHHH this is so fucking hot. It's literally husband (so helmetless)!Din fucking you on like every surface of your house on Nevarro. There is not a refractory period in sight in this fic and I love it with all my heart. He is so hot, I want to die. <3

--------------- my fics --------------

I finally made a masterlist for A Ghost of You and updated all the headers which I'm very excited about. I also added a new fic to that series called Faulty System. The series is a mostly angsty, sometimes smutty Dieter Bravo x f!reader fic.

---------- Oldies but Goodies ----------

Here's some fics from before I did the digest or made commentary!

Jack Daniels x tattoo parlour AU - a Jack one shot by @fuckyeahdindjarin

Early Morning Moments - a Dieter one shot by Jazzelsaur on AO3

Over and Done With - a Javi P one shot @loquaciousferret

Every fic by @frannyzooey (I have too many of her fics on my spreadsheet to rec separately lmao)

In an Instant - a Joel one shot by @mishasminion360

A fool for you - a Joel one shot by @supernaturalgirl20

It would be - a Din Series by @fuckyeahdindjarin

------------------------------------

Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction

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woodsfae · 9 months

Text

Babylon 5 s02e17: Knives S02 Table of Contents • previous episode

They have the space for an entire baseball field, but the hydroponics is so starved for space that one single coffee plant is wildly against regulations and is a secret passed from Laurel (my beloved) to Susan (also my beloved)?

Love the scary stories of the Down Below. It's deeply weird, though, how Garibaldi continues to be a voice of reason to Sheridan. Good character work, I guess, and I like Garibaldi a bit better the further into the season I get.

There are so many strange details thrown at us about various characters, and it definitely makes them feel more real Londo and Vir are very into Centauri opera. Of course they are, hah. This Centauri has a funny 'do. Is it shorter because he's more srs? His general look seems to be of a different style than Londo, and is reminiscent of a western casual, gentleman or scholarly look of the later 19th century.

Of course Sheridan went Down Below alone right after Garibaldi said that was a bad idea, and of course he found a corpse-turned-assailant-turned-corpse-again immediately.

Corpse reviving temporarily kills comms! Interesting!

Garibaldi: "Maybe next time you'll listen when I tell you not to do something. Sir."

lmao.

Dead Alien was staying in the Markab Sector, but was found in the Grey Sector, Down Below.

Fingers crossed for a Sheridan Gets Possessed By A Ghost episode.

Cute, Centauri war criminal nicknames.

Cool and creepy eye effect! Invisible Space Dinosaur called a Grylor!! This is great.

Forensics say the murdered alien actually bashed his own skull in and died of suicide. Seems unlikely.

Awww, Londo is still hung up on Adira from season one.

Londo: "The Centauri have bowed to the whims of other races for too long. Now we will show the galaxy our true spirit. Beginning with those, those, thrice-damned Narns."

Translation: "It sucks that we reined in some of our slave-empire colonization due to pressure from races who didn't like the violent, murdering colonizing. It's good to be back at it."

Huh, old war buddy is against the war and didn't want to see the Narns forced into military conflict. And doesn't realize he's talking to the guy who helped orchestrate all of it. Londo was either the best or the worst person to come to for help when your house is about to be disgraced. Idk which way Londo's going to jump or how this is going to land. On the one hand, Londo could chuck his old friend under the bus for his own gain. Or he could really save this guy's political reputation.

Of course Londo has a portrait of himself in his quarters. That's giving him some serious side-eye.

Susan Ivanova!!

Sheridan: "Commander. Everything in order?" Ivanova: "Remarkably so. It's beginning to worry me." Sheridan: "Do you always worry when things are going well?" Ivanova: "I don't have time to when they're not."

Sheridan gets more, fun, hallucinations! This is definitely normal and not something he should report to Dr Franklin. Anna keeps coming up which feeds my theory that she's still alive.

Oh, he did go report it to Franklin! Good move. Smartypants. Franklin is amusingly dismissive of this.

Dr Franklin: "Well, anyone wiling to command Babylon 5 has got to be slightly insane, but I don't think you're ready for the asylum just yet."

LMAO. What's a little hallucination or four compared to how nuts you have to be to take this job voluntarily?

Oh, interesting. The Markab sector is named after a people also called Markab?

Dr Franklin: "I'm also prescribing a mild sedative. I want you to relax and enjoy yourself - that is an order!"

aka, here's some oxys, go nuts?

Extremely cutthroat Centauri politics perfectly punctuated by Vir, here:

"You know, on rare occasions, I am proud to be your attache."

hah! He really is gaining in confidence.

Ahhh the Markab went through sector 14, which has been restricted since B4 disappeared and briefly re-appeared. dun dun dun!

I wonder if JMS realized that Garibaldi was wholly unlikable and shifted the writing for his character intentionally. Every time he's on screen the last few episodes, I find him easier and easier to like. Or maybe his relapse into alcoholism and subsequent recovery really shook some sense into him? He's funny and endearing now, in a way he wasn't for me since the pilot, The Gathering.

Centauri party. Always a good time to cringe out of my skin. Nothing has happened yet, but there's plenty of time left in the episode for it.

Of course the very person Londo went to for help is the one that has been trying to wreck the Laddo house. And of course Londo didn't know. He's so smug in his great political knowledge and power, but he ignored Centauri politics until something piques his interest and then he acts without knowing the details.

Vocator Laddo: "You cannot build an empire based on slaughter and deceit!"

well, actually I think that's the only way to build an empire and collect that much power, but you gotta start somewhere.

Death match!! Can't wait.

More possession and hallucinations for Sheridan!

Vir: "Disgrace is preferable to death!" Londo: "There was a time when I would agree with you! That time has passed." Vir: "Londo, this is insane!" Londo: "Insanity is part of the times! It's time to embrace the madness, let it fire you."

Maybe that really is the key. Or maybe I shouldn't take advice from Londo Mollari.

Sheridan and Garibaldi are heading to the restricted Sector 14!

Urza Laddo is much better at sword fighting than Londo is. But since I'm pretty sure Londo is in this show for the long run, this can't end with him being dead.

Garibaldi snagged Sheridan's ship, but did he get Sheridan's mind? This sector really does have some janky phenomena going on.

Damn, setting yourself up to be killed by one of your oldest friends so your family doesn't get disgraced by your political opponents is a move.

Sheridan's mind did come back with him, but he did leave behind a consciousness which wanted to be taken home. Weirdness abounds on B5!

House Laddo is no more, and its members are now House Mollari and under Londo's direct protection. That's an interesting cultural mechanism to make sure that people don't go into death matches too lightly. If you win, you get a whole fuckload of new dependents! I could also see people doing that to gain power over particular dependents, though.

Londo: "I have made many choices lately, Vir. And for the first time, I am not sure those choices were right." Vir, tired of being the Jiminy Cricket to the worlds' worst Pinocchio: "Then perhaps some good has come out of this tragedy! It's not too late to make some good choices." Londo buying into the Sunk Cost Fallacy: "No, the blood is already on my hands. Right or wrong, I must follow the path to its end."

It's a real bummer that killing one of his oldest and dearest friends isn't enough to make Londo actually change some of what he's up to or to second-guess some aspects of Centauri culture..

next episode

#babylon 5 #b5 #londo mollari #vir cotto #john sheridan #michael garibaldi #susan ivanova #woodsfae b5

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tastybluesprite · 1 year

Text

Massage

It’s honestly criminal that I haven’t written for them yet lol. Shame on me ig haha. This idea was in my head for days but I haven’t gotten the motivation to write it till now lol. My bad. Anyway I hope you enjoy! If anyone wants they can feel free to see this as a ship, I don’t really care, but personally I wrote it as sisterly love to a younger brother. Also I love that April is technically older that all the turtles lmao.

Warnings: Not really a ship fic, fluff, tickling so feel free to keep scrolling if that makes you uncomfortable :)

Summery: When April offers to give Donnie a massage, she finds out a little something else about the genius scientist.

April was hanging out with Donnie in his lab while he worked. Donnie usually didn’t like company when working as it was sometimes distracting, but sometimes it was quite welcome.

The mutant scientist rolled his head around, in attempts to loosen the aching he felt in his neck. But it only caused a sharper pain flare.

April watched him with some concern. “You ok Dee?”

“Yeah I’m fine. I just have this really bad ache in my neck. Perhaps I slept the wrong way last night.”

“Do you want me to massage it for you?” April offered. Donnie considered this for a moment. On one hand, he wasn’t a huge fan of people touching him unless for certain circumstances. On the other hand, the pain was getting in the way of him completing his tech.

He sighed.

“I supposed… If… if it will help.” He said at last.

April smiled, glad that she could be helpful to him and that he was accepting said help for once.

She approached him. “Oh uh… do you mind…?” She asked, gesturing to his battle shell. “I mean-“ she added, “only if you’re comfortable with it that is…”

Donnie hesitated, and the pressed the button on his shell to release the protective shield. Surprisingly to him, it took some weight off him and made him feel a lot less tense.

April, putting aside the battle shell, began working her fingers into the muscles of his neck. Donnie flinched for a moment at the contact, but then sighed out as he soon found himself melting under the soft pressing.

April smiled fondly. He clearly needed this.

Soon, after some time of this, she went down, and a little too close to the top edge of his shell. Donnie played with his fingers as an attempt to try and focus on something else other than the tingly sensations he was now feeling.

April wasn’t aware of this, but she noticed him tense up a lot more. “Wow you really are tense Dee…” she pressed a bit harder. Donnies breath hitched as he scrunched his shoulders up instinctively and slightly pulled away.

“Donnie am I hurting you?” She asked worriedly. “Oh, uh no sorry… it’s just…” he faltered and paused.

“Just what?” She asked.

She then poked at the spot curiously again. I mean, he said it didn’t hurt right?

Donnie, not expecting the touch this time, accidentally let out a small and short giggle.

April froze. Donnie… giggled?

Understanding washed over her and she smirked. He was ticklish.

Oh this was just too good.

“Ok then.” She said simply, and continued her massaging. Now she was aware, she could feel him shaking slightly, and knew he was holding back laughter. She didn’t mind. She knew just how to make him crack.

She went a little lower, now digging gently right at the baseline of his shell.

Donnie arched his back slightly and barked out a laugh, covering his mouth immediately after.

“What’s so funny Dee?” April asked with a sly smirk. Before Donnie could defend himself April then repeatedly began poking and prodding at his sides. Donnie seized up and burst into actual giggles now.

“Ahahapril!!!” He protested, trying to move away from her offending fingers in his chair.

“Awww… is someone ticklish?” She teased, making his face go red and him laugh harder.

When she then skittered her fingers at his shell, since based off previous events that seemed to be one of his most sensitive spots, Donnie finally lost it.

“AHAHPRIL STAHAHAP!!!” He squealed through his cackles as he banged his fist on the desk with one hand and tried pushing her away from behind with the other.

April noticed he was reaching his limit and stopped, leaving him in a rare giggle high at his desk.

“Dee..” She began after a moment of letting him regaining his composure. “I’m sorry… you ok?” She asked sheepishly.

Donnie didn’t say anything, but suddenly placed his battle shell back on, and then metallic tentacles came out of it. “I am. But I cant say the same for you…” He said, with a smile slowly appearing on his face.

The lab was soon filled with Aprils laughter as the purple loving, tech obsessed scientist got his revenge. He also noticed that he did feel a lot less tense and stressed. He would have to remember to thank her after.

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kenobster · 1 month

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Nine (or however many) people you'd like to get to know better

Tagged by @smoosey, @willameena, @underacalicosky, and probably others from a while ago longer, but I can't remember 😅Thank you!!! ❤️

Last Song: Set Fire to the Rain by Adele played on the radio this morning, which was great for me because I 100% consider it a Palpakin song 🥰

Favorite Color: Red, the same shade as Thor's cape from the MCU

Currently Watching: Been watching Criminal Minds but kinda lost interest for a while. Now I'm just watching The Bad Batch season 3 and rewatching random Higher Ground episodes

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Sweet yah, savory is okay, spicy is noooo. 😖

Relationship Status: i've never enjoyed this question, and i just realized that I don't have to answer it lmao, so there.

Current Obsession: I'm between obsessions right now, and it is agony. 😩 Feels like my biggest obsessions right now are sleep.... my DBT therapy workbook and worksheets (I know that sounds weird but I often get obsessed with homework type things).... and the stench of distressed!omega Anakin in bittodeath's noncon/post-noncon fics for @anakin-rarepairs-week (link to fic one... link to fic two...). Judge me all you want; I am a simple woman with simple tastes and needs.

Last Thing You Googled: "weary emoji" because I'm typing this on my work computer and had to copy paste each emoji. 😅

Tag a few friends, new and old: Bruh I have no clue who has done this already. I've been in a fugue state for about 20 million hours over the course of one and a half business days. The only people I can think of who might not have been tagged are @ooboowoonkoonooboo and @gothicastles (if either of you would like to do it ^_^). Otherwise, consider this an open invitation to any single one of my followers. :)

#.#..#...#....#.....#personal #tag game #i'm tagging things i mentioned bc i want to and it's my blog so there #palpakin #anakin #fic rec #CW noncon

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hardlypartying · 2 months

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Hello!! I love your riara fic! I never thought I would like that ship, but I love the way you write them, so I’m hooked. Read for the jjpope tag, stayed for the amazing writing (although I still love your jjpope crumbs)!

I’m so sad there are only 22 chapters, and I hope you end up writing more, but if you don’t, have you ever thought of writing more for riara in the future? 😊

Hi!! First of all, thank you so much for this message omg :’) I’m so happy that you ventured out into the world of riara, it isn’t for everyone but I like to believe there’s something compelling there! I love hearing how people are pleasantly surprised by it haha

Before I knew about any ships or anything really about obx, I would see bits and pieces of jjpope and fully thought they were together. Or at least would eventually get together because ?? The scenes ?? The pining ?? What was all that for?? There’s smth to be said about public opinion and how that mobilized j*ara to get together and they were cowards to not do anything with jjpope. Granted, like you said, my fic only has crumbs of them 😭 and I would love to write them more into the story or even do a fic for just them

We’re really nearing the end of this fic and I’m blown away by that because I’ve been writing this for a while! I’m just proud that I’ve gotten to this point where I can say that things will be wrapping things up. It’s so exciting getting to these chapters because they were the ones I knew I wanted to write when I initially thought of this fic, it’s sooooo rewarding to get them out now and have you and others comment about enjoying it!! 🫶

But with one door closing another one will inevitably open, as for Riara fics— I’ve got one I’ve been working on! However, it’s a lot different than KRCG which I intentionally kept very light and fun. This new one will be quite controversial because it’s more of a dark fic, darker than my bad habit riara fic at some points and I know that’s everyone’s major issue with riara in the first place. I’ve alluded to it in the past but it takes place in s3 when the plane goes down. Rather than Kiara getting kidnapped by Singh, she’s “rescued” by Rafe and works things to her advantage to plan an escape back to the rest of the pogues. Essentially it’s them being forced to work together since they both have leverage they’re using to be useful to the other person— they get involved in the illegal trades, there are heists, jetting off to various countries for prospective clients, black market business dealings, general politics re: the criminal underbelly of the world, etc. Almost like a mafia au but without Rafe being a suave mafiasso lmao he’s just as out of his depth as Kiara is. I’m having a lot of fun with this one since it’s fully an enemies to lovers and I really enjoy deconstructing K&R’s preconceived notions of one another bit by bit and letting them humanize each other and grapple with what morality means to them. Mainly, it’s just drammmmaaa and them being badass 🥰

I am preparing myself for this to not be as well received with everyone since it’s quite out there and includes all the typical elements of riara that people don’t like, unapologetically and leaning into it even more. But the thought popped into my mind when s3 first came out and drew said that sometimes it feels like he’s on a totally different show than the rest of the cast bc of the scenes he gets, and that never left my mind— it took me a year to plan out the plot and I have so many pages of my notebook covered in moments, plot lines, dialogue, plot twists, drama, reveals that I want to write and now it’s finally happenjng ! So I’m very stoked for it but can understand & respect that people might want to sit this one out!

#certified yapper I’m so sorry that I can’t just say thank you and call it a day #thank you so much for this truly I appreciate it so so so much #there are no words to express how unreal it is that you wherever you are read this little story and sent me a message appreciating it #and also more importantly #welcome to the riara family!!#despite the criticisms of the ship everyone here is an absolute angel 🩷#oh and nothing personal with the censoring of jiara lol it’s just not something I want to pop up in their tag #not my monkey not my circus #could’ve been my monkey and circus if they hadn’t rushed their development and let it happen more organically but that’s for another time #ask #riara

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voltfruits · 11 months

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aubreycore playlist for auby enjoyers

paramore - "ignorance"

the beths - "whatever"

sonic youth - "catholic block"

neko case - "middle cyclone"

mitski - "townie"

car seat headrest - "something soon"

sleater-kinney - "dig me out"

green day - "having a blast"

fiona apple - "criminal"

liz phair - "crater lake"

guided by voices - "game of pricks"

beach bunny - "promises"

hop along - "waitress"

be your own pet - "black hole"

indigo de souza - "real pain"

EMA - "butterfly knife"

the new pornographers - "letter from an occupant"

phoebe bridgers - "graceland too"

bikini kill - "rebel girl"

i'm not expecting anyone to read this far but. explanations. lol

ignorance: i think the possible time frame for omori is situated a few years before paramore's popularity really took off, but they're the patron saints of bratty emotional 00s teens and it's easy to imagine aubrey being a fan. this particular song is just brimming with righteous fury, and the lyrics are pretty obviously relevant: "I'm not the same kid from your memory, well, now I can fend for myself / don't wanna hear your sad songs, don't wanna feel your pain when you swear it's all my fault, 'cause you know we're not the same"

whatever: this is an aubybasil anthem to me!! but it's an angsty one. it's about being let down by a friend over and over until you finally snap. i can imagine aubrey belting "we're blood and water but my back is blown, your shoulders slumped saying 'you should have known I'd let you down again'" as basil guiltily cowers/whimpers before her lol

catholic block: as aubrey grows up postgame i imagine she leaves behind pure teen-angst emo in favor of more sophisticated indie rock (maybe this is just me projecting my musical hyperfixations onto her lmao), and i headcanon sonic youth as one of her eventual fav bands. the exact lyrics here are hard to pin down, but it's clearly about having a bad relationship with catholicism, so it's fitting.

middle cyclone: a lovely, vulnerable, stripped-down ballad from one of the most badass vocalists in music today. acknowledging aubrey's softer side is just important as capturing her power and anger, and no lyric is better suited for that than "i can't give up acting tough, it's all that i'm made of / i choke it back, how much i need love."

townie: i know i'm not the first person to associate this song (or mitski in general) with aubrey. it's just. ugh. so good. "i'm holding my breath with a baseball bat, though I don't know what i'm waiting for / i am not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be." fuck yeah man.

something soon: car seat headrest is my favorite band and i think aubrey would like them lots too, both for the rawness and explosiveness of their tunes and the insightful way their lyrics explore queerness, depression, and feeling trapped. "something soon" is one of the fiercest and gnarliest songs in their catalogue, and it it captures feelings of young adult desperation like nothing else. we've got lyrics that capture aubrey's more impulsive and violent tendencies ("i want to break something important / i want to kick my dad in the shins") along with a laundry list of poor, abandoned teenage grievances ("i can't talk to my folks / all my fingers are froze / only one change of clothes"). i mean, have we ever seen present day aubrey wear more than one outfit? (i am escorted off the premises for being too silly)

dig me out: sleater kinney is so aubreycore. they are THE girlboss indie punk band. my reasons for choosing this one are mostly based on vibes, it just sounds nasty and desperate and in terrible pain

having a blast: if you're a mentally unwell 16-year-old in a miserable US suburb there is a 100% chance discovering green day's dookie will change your life. i mean. "no one here is getting out alive, this time i've really lost my mind and i don't care / so close your eyes and kiss yourself goodbye, and think about the times we've spent and what they meant." church fight, anyone?

criminal: a photobomb anthem all the way through. just listen to it.

crater lake: underrated bop from the queen of 90s lofi. "and oh, all the tears in four tiny years / well, look at me, i'm frightening my friends." she even got the number of years right, bravo!

game of pricks: my favorite song right now, i've listened to it so much this week!!! it's like. the platonic ideal of a pop song. it's all melody. it's sounds so joyful and yet so melancholic. the lyrics capture a more subdued bitterness/disappointment that i think suits aubrey super well, since she isn't just a rage monster all the time. the one i really wanna draw attention to is: "i'll climb up on the house, weep to water the trees / and when you come calling me down, i'll put on my disease." idk i just. think it's touching how aubrey privately "weeps to water the trees" (uses her grief to elevate mari's memory and try to embody her after her death) but the moment she crosses paths with her past, she can't help being overtaken by the "disease" that is rage and disgust. she's trying so hard to put her pain to good use but she can't control the impulse to wreck everything instead. idk that's what that means to me

promises: beach bunny makes music that's cute and sunny but also rocks hard, which i think would appeal to aubrey. this is a song about being abandoned by an old friend/partner ("a minute you're there, a minute you cared, now you're gone / it's so unfair, keeping me from moving on") that i think functions especially well as an angsty sunburn song, knowing aubrey would confide in sunny when they were young.

waitress: this is a song about the crushing indignity of the service industry which isn't very aubreyesque LOL but i just fucking love hop along and i think aubrey would love them too. painted shut is an all time classic album and its combination of driving guitars, caterwauling vocals, and a vaguely haunted and musty atmosphere just sound the way aubrey's character feels. also i wanna single out the lyric "call you enemy 'cause i'm afraid of what you could call me" because DAMN. that is so her.

black hole: pretty self-explanatory rager about small town boredom. cheesy as hell, but it's what you need when you're 16.

real pain: this song, to me, is about aubrey trying in vain to convince herself that mari's death (and in certain endings, sunny and basil's deaths) are not her fault ("i don't believe the things i've done, i don't believe the weight i've been"). she clearly can't convince herself, though, because the song bottoms out in a storm of gut-wrenching screams like all a person's inner demons pouring out. sorry aubs :(

butterly knife: not really the closest match from a lyrical perspective, unless you count the line about pet rabbits, but i'm putting it on here because it's the best song from EMA's past life martyred saints, which is another album that sounds so much like aubrey to me. it's written from the absolute depths of mental fucked-upness, but it sounds so cool and subtle, almost ambient. it's the aural equivalent of aubrey's usual vibe; aloof, tense but subdued, keeping that storm of emotion just under the surface. just.

letter from an occupant: another all-time classic from one of my favorite bands, this is the perfect concoction of beautiful melodies, sugary guitars, and belt-your-heart-out vocal performances that i think does a good job capturing the cute-but-intimidating dichotomy of aubrey's vibe. the lyrics are mostly nonsense, but "with a shower of yeahs and whatevers, you trade me away long gone" is a wonderful line that captures aubrey's abandonment and her frustration with her old friends' apathy.

graceland too: oh god. this one. is based on my headcanon that aubrey moves out from her mother's house postgame and lives with polly and basil. i'm just gonna drop the whole first verse and try not to cry. "no longer a danger to herself or others, she made up her mind and laced up her shoes / yelled down the hall, but nobody answered, so she walked outside without an excuse / she could do anything she wants to, she could do whatever she wants to do."

rebel girl: during the time the game takes place, this is aubrey and kim's favorite song. they sing it to each other to hype themselves up. they know all the lyrics by heart. it's Their Song. listen to it and it's probably pretty clear why.

#i've been working on this for a while and today seems like a good day to finally share it!!#a lot of these songs deal with anger/grief/shame/gender stuff in a way that's very aubrey to me #others just have her vibe. or sound like something she would rock out to <3 #i hope u find a song or two that you like!!#aubrey omori #volt.txt

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the-cult-of-russo · 1 year

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Poetic Tragedy (Part 7)

Pairing: Reader X Billy Russo

Warnings: Cursing, angst, sadness, substance abuse, mental health issues, mentions of sexual assault. This one’s a little dark and not really in a violent way (okay some of it is lmao). Just more the themes explored, I guess?

A/N: This whole story is free written. The only idea I had was the scene in the first chapter where the guys corner her in the alley after she steals, after that, I’m just winging it lmao I have no idea where this story is heading right now, I’m just along for the ride like you guys loooool

—------------------

The next day, you lay on your bed blinking slowly at the ceiling. After your little argument with Billy, you’d hidden in your room and you hadn't come out. You didn’t want to bump into Billy, you couldn't promise that you wouldn't hit him the next time he decided to take his anger out on you. You were done being a punching bag, you’d left those days behind. Like hell you were going to let him use you to take his frustrations out on. Everything was too much. You were used to a simple life, one that was mostly peaceful. You couldn't even enjoy being clean after all these years with the darkness looming over you. It felt like it was raining down shit on you and you weren't sure when it would end. What next? The building would catch fire and everyone would die? You wouldn't be surprised at this point. You missed the quiet that came with the solitude of your alley. Missed the drama-free nonsense. It was simple. Steal, eat, use and sleep. That was what you were used to, only now it would be even simpler without the drug use dangling over your head. You really couldn't wait to leave here. You felt trapped and it was stifling. You weren’t used to all these people, weren’t used to all this death and violence. You just wanted to be alone again, it was easier than this.

Your thoughts drifted to Dean, remembering the awful moment the gunshot echoed outside. You didn't know how to feel about it all, about Dean acting so unaffected. His brother was a giant piece of shit and you had no doubt he was abusive to Dean, but still, the idea didn't sit well with you that he’d signed off on his death like he did. You hated your parents for what they did to you but you wouldn't tell someone to kill them. The mobs of New York, you got it. They were destructive and deadly and they needed to be gone. But not everything was black and white. It all bled into shades of gray and it seemed the lines that should be set were getting blurred here and it concerned you. Frank was one of the only ones to agree with you on that front and it surprised you a little given his history. But you wondered if after he was done with his revenge and he finally got it, he’d had time to think about everything. Realized needless violence wasn't the answer. There needed to be rules to this chaos or innocent people would wind up dead. Petty criminals like yourself would wind up dead. Some people just made bad choices and while yes, they may hurt people along the way, it didn't mean they had to die for it. You didn't believe for one second the police couldn't handle the petty lowlives like that. It was the big guns they had difficulty getting a handle on. That's where the vigilantes were supposed to step in, not for shit like this. You wanted to speak with Dean and make sure he was okay. You weren't sure if his brave face was just an act. You had no idea what had gone down with Billy and Dean when you weren't around, when he’d told him to stay away from you, but Dean was playing the good little soldier bit down to a tee and you felt like maybe he was going along with what he thought Billy wanted. You wondered if he’d threatened him. You wouldn't put it past the bastard.

You heaved yourself off the bed, forcing yourself to get dressed. It was almost 9 am and you weren't sure where Dean would be. Breakfast was between 8 and 9, training starting at 10. After you got ready, you trudged down the stairs feeling heavy. The night before had been hard for you, harder than you’d like to admit. Without the crutch of drugs to fall back on, you’d lay there all night with your mind on a loop of what you witnessed. The cracking of Josh’s arm wouldn't scrub from your brain and all it did was make awful memories of your own surface. You didn't want to hear another bone break in your life. When you got downstairs, you looked around but saw no sign of Dean. Frank and Billy were talking to some of the recruits, they looked all business. Billy’s eyes drifted over to you then and you looked away quickly, wrapping your arms around yourself as you made a beeline for Karen. You didn't want to give him any opening to speak to you at all. With how you were feeling, you thought you might snap. You hadn't allowed yourself to cry over everything. It felt wrong, crying over Josh as if you missed him because you didn't. It just brought up a lot of trauma for you and the whole thing made you feel upside down. You were only a baby when it came to being in recovery and the tempting voice in the back of your head wouldn't leave you alone.

“Hey, have you seen Dean?” you asked softly, nibbling your lower lip. Karen glanced around before shaking her head.

“I haven’t seen him, I don’t think he’s been down here yet,” she replied with a smile.

“Do you know what room he’s in?” you asked hopefully. It would be even better to talk to him in private if you could catch him before he came downstairs.

“104,” Karen supplied easily. You wondered how she kept up with all the names and faces and apparently, room numbers too. She was just good at this shit, she was nothing like you.

“Thanks,” you murmured, going to walk away.

“Are you okay?” she asked, halting your steps. You felt tense at her question as you turned back to her.

“I’m fine,” you lied, giving her a fake smile. Her eyes narrowed a little as she scrutinized you.

“You know it's okay not to be fine, right?” she asked with a sad smile. You stuffed your hands into your hoodie pockets and shrugged.

“Look, I know yesterday was intense and I’m sorry you had to see it. And I saw your face when my hand went up at the vote. I didn't mean… I never wanted you to feel… betrayed or anything. But we’ve worked so hard building this place. Most of the people here… they’ve suffered in one way or another. We don't get normal guys with white-collar jobs turning up here signing up. The people here had a rough go of it and they're here to make a difference. To really help people. It's a safe space and if we kept him here… We can’t have someone like that here, we can’t have our people feeling unsafe. And letting him go wasn't an option because you’d wind up dead and he’d tell the Irish where we are. I’m not saying what happened was good, because it wasn't. But they were all bad choices and this was the one where only one person got hurt,” she explained shakily, a small frown on her face.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I know he was a bad man, trust me, I get that more than most. And I get that you're protective of this place, the people here… but I’m not. I look out for myself because that's all I’ve ever had to do and it’s what I’ll keep on doing. He might have been a threat to me but I still couldn't just sign his death warrant like that. I don't have it in me,” you murmured tensely. She nodded, looking thoughtful as she sighed.

“I understand. I just wanted you to know why I did it. Frank’s been upset with me since. The old Frank would have killed him before Billy even got to him,” she said with a sad smile.

“Well it seems the new Frank might have gotten his conscience back,” you replied, giving her a meaningful look before you turned away. You understood her reasons, it made sense. But it didn't mean you had to like it. You could go around and around in circles with her or Billy until the earth stopped rotating but it wouldn't make any of you see differently. And this was why you didn't belong here. You weren't built that way.

You walked back up the stairs, this time stopping on the second floor and not the third. You remembered Karen telling you the rooms were smaller and there were more of them as you took in the differences between this floor and yours. You stopped outside of 104, taking a deep breath before you knocked on the door firmly. The door opened and Dean blinked at you for a moment. He was dressed but his bootlaces were undone like he was in the middle of putting them on when you knocked.

“We need to talk,” you said, pushing your way past him inside. You weren't about to give him another chance to shut you down or evade you. You moved into the room, sitting on his bed as you watched him sigh and shut the door. He moved over to a chair in the room, starting to tie his laces.

“What's up?” he asked, his voice not giving anything away about how he was feeling.

“You know damn well what's up. Josh was murdered yesterday, how can you be so okay with it?” you asked with a frown. He scoffed, sitting up properly in the chair now his laces were tied.

“I don’t get how you aren’t,” he bit out, shaking his head at you.

“He was a drug dealer and shitty person, it hardly warrants being executed like that,” you muttered tensely.

“It's like you want to die,” he huffed incredulously.

“Excuse me?” you asked as your brows raised.

“You know what he would have done if we let him go. You’d be dead, maybe we’d all end up dead. I did what I had to do to keep you and everyone else safe,” he bit out with a glower.

“I get all that, I had Karen feed me the same bullshit. But what I don’t get is how you were so okay with it, how it was so easy for you,” you couldn't keep the hard edge out of your tone and he snorted joylessly.

“It was easy because he’s been dead to me for years. You only know half the shit he did to me. You can think I’m a monster for not caring all you want, but I’m okay with what I did,” he insisted firmly. Your shoulders sagged a little at his words and you frowned.

“I don’t think you’re a monster, Dean. I’m just worried about you,” you murmured, feeling guilt gnaw at you. While you didn't quite get why he was so okay with his brother being killed, you weren’t him. He was right, you didn't know everything. You knew he would have had his reasons. You just hoped that being here with these people hadn't desensitized him to violence.

He got up from where he sat, moving to sit next to you on the bed.

“You don’t need to worry about me. Really, I’m fine,” he said resolutely. When you looked at him, you knew he meant it. There wasn't much else you could say on the topic. What was done was done and as long as it wasn't eating at him, you had no choice but to drop it no matter how much it didn't sit right with you.

“Enough about me anyway. How are you?” It was such a simple question, one that Karen had asked just moments before. But when Dean asked you, his blue eyes looking at you with all of their concern, you mortifyingly felt your lower lip wobble and you quickly looked away. You wanted to hit yourself.

“It's okay to be upset. Josh was a big part of your life since you were 17,” he murmured softly. You shook your head, the tears burning your eyes deciding to free themselves as they fell down your cheeks.

“I’m not upset… not like that. It’s not like I’m gonna miss him, I just… It’s all too much. There's too much happening one after the other and my brain can’t handle it. There’s so much… death and-and violence. And watching Billy beat him like that… it was like being back at home,” you lamented, angrily wiping your eyes. Josh had been a huge part of your life for a long while but you didn't lie when you said you wouldn't miss him. Seeing him was the worst part of your week and it would always fill you with dread, anxiety and shame. You just didn't think the right justice for his crimes was a bullet to his head. You didn't like how easy it was for them all to resort to murder. Dean put his hand on your back carefully as if not to spook you, rubbing it softly to comfort you.

“I know it's a lot for you. I know that violence upsets you,” he muttered quietly as you sniffled, getting a reign on yourself.

“I just can’t wait to leave,” you whispered, shaking your head.

“You know what I think?” he asked. When you looked at him, he gave you a rueful smile.

“What?” you asked, wiping your eyes of the last of their tears.

“I think you need cheering up. I know a great ice cream place,” he shot you a grin and your lips quirked up a little at him.

“I’m not allowed to leave, remember?” you asked with a roll of your eyes.

“It’s not far and we won’t be too long. We could just grab it and bring it back here. I know a way we could sneak out,” he smirked.

It was a little exhilarating sneaking out. He’d led you to a secret staircase that you would have never known existed. It had an exit to the back. He chose one of the many cars parked outside at the side of the building before leaving quickly before anyone noticed. You felt a thrill at being free, at being out of the intense atmosphere there.

“So this is what freedom feels like?” you asked playfully, looking out the window longingly. You missed it out there. Dean chuckled, glancing at you as he navigated the road easily to get to his destination.

“You must hate being cooped up there,” he answered lightly.

“Just a bit,” you snorted, making him smile at you. It didn't take long to get to the ice cream place and once inside, you felt overwhelmed. There were so many flavors that it made your brain ache. You couldn't remember the last time you had ice cream, you didn't even remember what it tasted like.

“What can I get you, hon?” the older woman behind the counter asked with a polite smile as she looked at Dean.

“Uh… I’ll have the rocky road,” he supplied, looking at you for your answer. You couldn’t give him one though, staring at the many flavors like you were about to have an aneurysm.

“And a chocolate chip too,” he smiled. You looked to him then, body feeling relief sweeping through it. You were glad he picked for you, you thought you’d be there forever if he didn't. It reminded you of years ago, back when he would visit you in your little alley when he could. He’d bring a pack of chocolate chip cookies with him. You didn't devour them like your starving body wanted you to. Instead, you’d rationed yourself to one a day to make them last until his next visit. When the woman handed the ice creams over, Dean handed yours to you and you took it gratefully. You ate a mouthful of it and you moaned softly at the taste. It was the nicest thing you’d tasted in forever, even if the cold was strange to you.

“Good, right?” he asked teasingly at your reaction as you both left the store.

“You’re spoiling me. I hope you know you're gonna have to come visit me when I leave and bring ice cream,” you smirked cheekily as you both made your way to the car.

“Do you want me to get you another scoop?” he asked, standing next to you with an amused look on his face. You were honestly considering it.

The sound of tires screeching had you both whipping around to see a black car come to an abrupt halt outside of the shop, four big men jumping out. Your body froze, heart beating rapidly and you felt Dean tense next to you.

“We’ve been lookin’ for ye, little girl,” the bigger man smirked cruelly, his accent giving him away immediately. You felt like you might throw up. He drew his gun and Dean rushed over, reaching for his own that you didn't even realize he’d had on him. But before Dean could even grab it, a bullet went right through his head and he fell into a lifeless heap on the floor.

“No!” you screamed, ice cream slapping the floor with a splat. Your heart felt like it was being ripped right out of your chest. As you made a move to get to him, you suddenly flew backwards by a force, your back hitting the ground hard. You gasped, pain spreading all over you like you were on fire. You couldn't move your left arm. You glanced down, seeing blood quickly soaking into your shirt under your left shoulder. You heard people shouting and the sound of tires once more but your brain felt like it was working through molasses at the shock and pain and you rolled onto your side. Dean was looking right at you but there was no life in his eyes and you sobbed brokenly, the gunshot in the middle of his head oozing blood.

“No… No, I’m sorry,” you wailed, dragging your pain-riddled body over to his. He couldn't be dead, this couldn't be real. You made it far enough to grasp his hand, clutching it desperately like you might float away. Your broken pleas became silence as everything turned to darkness.

—-

You gasped as your eyes shot open, looking around panicked as you took in the bright white room. Your head felt fuzzy, your body heavy, as painful flashes of what happened came back to you. Dean was dead. He was dead because of you.

“No, no, no,” you mumbled, trying to sit up.

“You need to stay still, sweetie. Just relax.” The voice made you tense as your blurry eyes focused on the nurse that was hovering over you, chart in hand.

“It’s okay,” she added with a kind smile. You felt panic gripping you tightly. You had to get out of here, if the Irish turned up, you’d be dead.

“I… I need to leave. I have to…” you pleaded, once again trying to sit up. The nurse moved your bed to sit up for you as she hovered next to you.

“You can’t leave just yet, you’re under observation. You’re lucky that gunshot didn't hit anything important. The police have also been waiting to come and take a statement. You've been out of it for…” she trailed off, glancing to your chart, “four days,” she murmured with a concerned frown. Four days. For all you knew, if you turned up back at the warehouse, they’d all be dead just like Dean. You felt sick.

“I really need to go, I don’t want to be here,” you lamented as tears stained your cheeks. She gave you a sympathetic look but shook her head.

“Just let the doctor see you first. If he clears you, then you can leave and arrange to see the police at home,” she insisted. You blinked ahead of you, unseeing as your brain replayed the horrors you’d seen over and over.

“Can you tell me your name, sweetie? You didn't have any ID on you when you came in, we’ve had you down as a Jane Doe,” the nurse asked lightly. You frowned, shaking your head. Of course, you didn't have an ID on you, you didn't have any at all. You were a nobody in this city, a ghost. And that's how you liked it.

“You don't remember your name?” the nurse asked, concern dripping from her voice. You shook your head again, not even really listening to her. You needed to leave before you wound up dead. Your hazy eyes drifted to your right hand, seeing an IV in it. You frowned again, moving your left hand to get it out of you. While you could move your left arm now, it was uncomfortable and painful.

“No, no, no! You have to leave that in, it's the pain medication,” the nurse tutted as she came over to stop you.

“Pain medication?” you asked with a hollow voice, dread seizing you tightly.

“For your wound. The doctor made sure to give you the good stuff,” she gave you a bright smile but you felt like you were being sucked into a black hole. You were a recovered opioid addict and they’d given you strong pain meds. That was why you felt so fuzzy and out of it. You thought it had been the blood loss. While it wouldn't make you go through withdrawals again since it wasn't as strong as the heroin you were used to, it would make abstaining a lot harder for you, which in your current devastated condition, wasn't great. You didn't speak, glaring at the IV like you wanted to set it on fire with your mind.

“Okay, I’m gonna go and grab the doctor. I’ll be back in a minute,” the nurse said awkwardly before disappearing.

You wasted no time as you ripped the IV from your hand with a wince. There was no way you were waiting around here to get killed or to be questioned by the police. You swung your legs over the side of the bed with a groan. Your shoulder was hurting, although you guessed not as bad as it would have been without the pain meds. Your emotional turmoil was worse though. You rummaged in the bedside cupboard, hoping to find your clothes. All you found were your boots though so you slipped them on as you stood in just your hospital gown. You crept to the door, peeping out for a moment. When the coast was clear, you hurried from the room and down the hallway. Near the stairs, you spotted a staff room and you pressed your ear to it for a long moment. With no sounds, you carefully pushed open the door. The room was empty but you looked around, finding some clean blue scrubs in a drawer. You made quick work of getting out of your gown and into the scrubs, putting your boots back on afterwards. You left the room, hurriedly darting down the stairs and out of the building. Outside held no comfort like it used to, your body on high alert after what happened. You felt on the edge of breaking, like all of your feelings were contained in a glass box that was about to shatter into a million pieces. You couldn't get Dean’s lifeless face out of your mind, how he stared at you blankly, devoid of life. Your whole body was trembling with pain and anguish as your feet carried you to wherever they wanted to go. It turned out it was the warehouse. It was still standing but you couldn't find it in yourself to feel the relief. Not after what you did, not after Dean had died because of you.

You heard the raised voices before you’d even opened the door and it made fear prickle you as you pushed it open. All eyes seemed to turn to you then, incredulous and shocked.

“Y/N… where have you been?!” Karen asked, rushing over as her eyes assessed your current outfit.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” you bit out, voice rough and hollow.

“The fuck you mean you don’t wanna talk about it? We’ve been lookin’ for you for days, thinkin’ the Irish got you,” Billy snapped harshly, his eyes ablaze. Your body shook with the sheer force it was taking you not to break down.

“Where’ve you been, Y/N?” Frank asked with a softer tone, his eyes worried as he looked at you. It felt like everyone was talking at once, numerous recruits all talking over each other and you clenched your jaw and resisted the urge to cover your ears.

“Where’s Josh?” Curtis asked quietly, the straw that broke the camel's back.

“He’s dead!” you exploded. Suddenly, the place was overtaken with silence before all the murmurs started up again, it felt like a million people all asking you the same question. What happened?

“Dead?” Curtis asked slowly, his face contorting with pain.

“Come on, Y/N, you gotta talk to us here. What happened?” Frank asked carefully as he took a step towards you, Billy mirroring him. Your eyes were ahead of you, unseeing and unfocused as all you could see was Dean with his blank eyes, all you could hear were the gunshots, the sound of Dean hitting the floor. Ice cream. It had all been over ice cream.

“You better start talkin’, Y/N. What the fuck do you mean he’s dead?” Billy growled at you.

“He’s dead! What do you want me to say?! He’s dead and it's all my fault!” you yelled, the dam breaking as a heaving sob wracked your chest. Karen made a move to grab you but you stepped back quickly, your right hand moving over your heart like you were trying to stop it from spilling out of your chest.

“I was upset and he… he took me to get ice cream. We were… we were happy, laughing and then… the-the Irish found us. They shot him and-and then they shot me and I’ve been in hospital,” you murmured, sounding in shock. All the talking started talking again and it was grating on your very raw nerves. Everyone was hounding you, asking more questions that you didn't want to answer. How could this happen? Why did you even go out there? How did you sneak out? How did the Irish know where to find you? But then you felt a jolt of anger inside of you as your brain turned your pain and hurt into rage instead.

“Just shut up!” you bellowed, making everyone go quiet instantly.

“I’ve just watched the closest person to a friend get a bullet to the brain all because he wanted to cheer me up and then I got shot myself. Then I spent four days being pumped full of pain meds and all I can see is his fucking face and I can’t unsee it! I’m not gonna stand here and have you all fucking question me for answers I don't have when all I wanna do right now is die! So just shut up and leave me alone!” you roared, voice cracking as you felt like you were going to drown under the weight of your emotions. Karen's hand went to her mouth, her eyes tearful as she looked at you. But you just gave them all a scathing yet tearful look before storming past them all. Your chest was heaving as you ran up the stairs, pain consuming every inch of you. Withdrawals hurt less than this.

When you got in your room, you slammed the door shut before letting out a gut-wrenching scream, so full of all your rage, pain and anguish you were shocked the window didn't shatter. You couldn't breathe through your broken sobs and you slid down the wall, bringing your knees up to your chest as you hugged them with your right arm, your left hanging loosely by your side. You didn't get it, couldn't make sense of why life kept wanting to hurt you like this. You were a disease, spreading to everything you came into contact with. You heard the door open and shut and you should have known Karen would come and check on you, despite you not wanting anyone around you right now. But as they sat down next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, you became very aware that it wasn't Karen at all. It was Billy.

“Leave me alone, I’m not in the mood for your shit right now!” you sobbed, trying to push him away. But he was stronger and he pulled you to him.

“It’s alright, Y/N,” he murmured. The soft voice from when he helped you through withdrawals was back but you were too fucked in the head to try and care. In your sheer pain, you gave into him, head going to his chest as you sobbed almost violently into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around you, one hand stroking your hair softly. You were taking big painful gasps of air between your sobs and your head felt dizzy.

“It’s all my fault,” you lamented through your tears painfully. You felt him shake his head above you at your words.

“Don’t say that, this ain’t on you, sweetheart,” he insisted. You pulled away from him and the hand that had been around you slid to your knee, the hand from your hair now on your shoulder as you gave him the most heartbreaking look and he winced.

“How isn’t this on me?! The only reason he was out there was because I was upset! He died because he was with me! Why do I get to live when he’s…” you trailed off brokenly, your good hand slapping over your eyes as if trying to stop the onslaught of tears that was assaulting you. Billy’s hand on your shoulder moved to the back of your head as he soothingly rubbed your scalp.

“I know about guilt. Ain’t no use in carryin’ it around for shit beyond your control. Sometimes bad shit just happens and there ain’t a damn thing we can do to stop it,” he muttered firmly.

“My whole life’s just been bad shit, when will it fucking end?” you agonized, wiping your tears angrily with your good hand.

“You didn’t pull that trigger, Y/N. You’re not to blame for this,” his dark eyes bore into you and you shook your head with a shaky breath. You wanted to argue with him, you didn't agree with him for one second. But you just felt exhausted. You felt like you had nothing left in you to give.

A silence settled over you both then and you would have thought you were too far gone for it to bother you but you were wrong.

“Why are you even here anyway? You hate me so I’m not sure what your end game is,” you huffed, unable to help yourself. His hands moved away from you as he shifted to sit with his legs crossed in front of him, hands in his lap.

“I don't hate you, Y/N,” he muttered, rolling his shoulder.

“That's a joke right?” you asked mockingly. A deep frown creased his brow as he looked away, rolling his shoulder again as he licked his lower lip.

“I don't. It's just… you fuckin’ scare me,” he bit out reluctantly. An incredulous laugh flew from your lips that you were powerless to stop and he turned to shoot you a glare, eyes narrowed to slits.

“I’m sorry. I’m just having a hard time believing the bad boy Marine sniper turned vigilante is scared of a frail homeless girl,” you scoffed. He looked away again, his jaw ticking as he shook his head.

“It ain’t like that… It’s just… I don’t let people in. The people in this place, I care about ‘em ‘cause I’m responsible for ‘em. But the people I really let get close to me I can count on one hand… And then you happened,” he muttered, his dark eyes turning to you. They were burning so intensely that they felt like they were searing into your skin.

“When I met you in that alley it was like… like somethin’ was eatin’ at me and I didn’t get it. Didn’t like the way you were just livin’ your life like you didn’t want it to get better. But I tried to ignore it, tried to forget you since I figured I’d never see you again but then you wound up here. I knew there was somethin’ off with you and it irritated me and then I found out it was the drugs and that… that bothered me,” his face hardened as he looked away, his hands clenching into fists.

“You said I got mommy issues and maybe you’re right ‘cause that’s all I could think about. And it bothered me because I didn't want that for you, didn't want you to wind up like my mother. I couldn't stand there and let you just waste away like that and that's why I needed you to get clean,” he explained, letting his head fall back to the wall with a quiet thud as you just watched him, unsure where this was going.

“I let you in. I told you things I’d never tell someone I’ve only met a few times, but it was so easy with you. Especially after the shit you told me ‘cause it fuckin’ resonated with me. And then I’m takin’ care of you, watchin’ you in so much pain and it hurt me. I wanted to make it better, wanted to take it away. I'd have taken that pain so you didn't have to feel it in a heartbeat,” he frowned, still unable to look at you.

“But then… then it was all over. You were better, it was done. And I realized this… this bond I thought we had was one-sided. You only let me in ‘cause I was the only one around. You didn't need me anymore and that was… well it was a bitter fuckin’ pill to swallow,” he chuckled but it wasn't happy.

“I’ve never been good with rejection or-or negative feelin’s and shit. It always just turns to anger with me and after Rawlins… it only got worse. My brain got scrambled and sometimes it's so goddamn loud in here that nothin’ makes sense and I lash out,” he sneered at himself, gesturing to his head as he shook it.

“I’m sorry for the way I made you feel. And you don’t gotta believe or forgive me, but I need you to know that. It’s not your problem my mind’s fucked up and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I don't hate you,” he implored, his gaze turning back to you. It was so earnest that you felt like all the air got sucked out of your lungs. You couldn't help but eye him warily though. You thought you’d gotten to know him in the days spent in here with him, only for him to pull the rug on you.

“This right here, this is the real me. The one that held you when you cried, the one that tried to comfort you and help you through your pain. The asshole you’ve seen since is just… he’s a broken man who can’t make sense of his own head. But that ain’t me,” he uttered softly as his eyes took on a pleading edge.

Part of you couldn't fault him without being a hypocrite. You had a temper yourself, something you knew you got from your father even though it made you sick. Your own negative emotions would often turn into anger instead because it was easier to deal with and it wasn't like you’d never lashed out at anyone because of it or to push them away. You knew he’d been hurtful, you knew he knew it too. But the look on his face right now made you think that he was being honest with you. That he meant it. And you knew it would have taken a lot for him to open up and admit that to you. To apologize. You’d be a liar if you said you hadn't missed the Billy that had taken care of you back then. He’d been so gentle with you, giving you more care and affection than your own parents ever bestowed on you. And you’d felt that bond too which is why you’d been so hurt when he acted like an asshole again. You knew you could make things difficult for him. To laugh at his apology and tell him to go and fuck himself. But you didn't want to. Especially not now with how fragile you were feeling. You blew out a sigh and sagged into the wall a little, trying to ignore how your shoulder was stinging.

“Consider your apology accepted,” you murmured tiredly. When you chanced a look at him, he was staring at you and you both shared a look. It was a strange friendship you had with him in such a short space of time. You’d gone from having issues with each other to connecting over trauma, to having issues again and back to reconnecting. It was giving you whiplash. But you knew this bond you shared wasn't exactly normal, forced out of shared trauma and grief and enough baggage to sink a cruise ship. His lips quirked up into a hesitant smile as he held his arm open for you in invitation. Desperately needing comfort, you scooted right to him, being mindful of your sore shoulder as you curled around him with your head on his chest. You sank into him as he wrapped his arms around you, letting his scent soothe you much like it had when you’d been suffering from withdrawals.

“Does it hurt?” he asked after a peaceful moment of silence.

“What? The overwhelming grief and despair?” you asked self-deprecatingly.

“No, I meant the uh… the gunshot,” he murmured, sounding a little unsure.

“A little but I’ll be fine,” you replied. The gunshot was the least of your worries right now.

“Should get Curtis to look at it. Make sure it's alright,” he mused, fingers toying with your hair. You hummed in agreement, letting the feeling soothe you. The last thing you needed was to have the wound get infected or anything. Then you’d be stuck here longer.

“Everythin’ will be over soon. We’re gonna hit the Irish in two days and I’m gonna make sure they suffer for what they did to you,” he muttered darkly, his arms tightening around you. This time, the idea of violence didn't repulse you. Dean’s lifeless face swarmed your vision again and you closed your eyes to rid yourself of it. You wanted them to suffer for what they’d done. What they’d taken away. You ended up falling asleep against Billy’s chest on the floor as his fingers in your hair soothed you to sleep.

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

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@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

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@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

#billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x reader #billy russo

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