#the spreadsheet digest
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Outtakes - Long ass fics
AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist
Howdy folks!
Here's a list of fics I've read that are either over 100k words or have 20+ chapters.
Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.
Pedro boys currently included are: Din Djarin, Frankie Morales, Javier Peña, Joel Miller, Dave York, Dieter Bravo, Oberyn Martell, Jack Daniels, and Pedro Across the Street + a Din x Joel fic (no reader insert)
updated 3/27/2024
Din Djarin
Starlight by LovelessDagger | 300k
Summary: Nothing ever truly dies. Not the Empire, not the dark, not her. The Mandalorian should know this, and somewhere deep down he does. Whether he cares is a different story. Consequences and the whole of them be damned.
Tags: Assassins & Hitmen, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Blood and Violence, Explicit Language. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Morally Ambiguous Character, OFC, Trauma, Found Family, Betrayal, Secrets, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Filled with existential dread, Sexual Tension, Heavy symbolism, two idiots with family issues form a family, Past Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Angst, Eventual Smut, Clones, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sith, Imperial Inquisitors, Secret Past, No one tells the truth, Metaphorical Addiction
I Only See Daylight by @millersdjarin | 141.6k
Summary: You’ve stayed in one place all this time, knowing that any move to leave could lead them to find you. When a Mandalorian and his child crash land on your home planet, you can't turn them away for help.
Tags: Smut, slow burn, post-canon, trauma, past emotional/physical abuse, relgious trauma, scars, negative self-image, found family, injury, heavy angst, fluff and love
A Fresh Start by @theidiotwhowritesthings | 140k
Summary: When you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child. However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous night, you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community turned out to be exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you fall more and more in love with your new life, but when your past rears its ugly head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant for everyone.
Tags: use of fake name, reader is hiding from a shady past, depressive symptoms, jealousy, pining, angst, hurt/comfort, medical trauma, nightmares, blood, injury, traumatic past, scars, slow burn, shooting training, sick child, fear and panic, canon typical violence, blackmailing, anxiety, self doubt, sexual tension, heavy petting, panic attack, male masturbation, arguing, mentions of alcohol and a bit of binge drinking, angst, people getting drunk, non descriptive torture, murder, fluff, mentions of death, non consensual groping of reader by a stranger, smut, oral f receiving
Stitches by @djarinsbeskar | 190k
Summary: What is a former combat medic to do when an injured Mandalorian stumbles upon her clinic one night on Klatooine?
Tags: Smut, action, fluff, angst, canon-typical violence
Beskar Doll by @justagalwhowrites | 232.4k
Summary: You have a knack for finding trouble, be it in the midst of Galactic Civil War or when trying to live the quiet life after getting out of the game. So when you're stuck fleeing your new home planet after pissing off the wrong people - again - there's only one person willing to take you: the Mandalorian. But after years of fighting faceless men, you're not the trusting type toward someone always wearing a helmet and the Mandalorian quickly suspects there's more to you than he knows.
Tags: Slow Burn, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Canon-Typical Violence, Pre-Canon, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Dry Humping, Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Mando'a Language (Star Wars), Protective Din Djarin, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Din Djarin Removes the Helmet, Past Domestic Violence, Brat Tamer Din Djarin, Vaginal Fingering, Soft Din Djarin, POV Din Djarin, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Angst, Mandalorian Culture (Star Wars), Mutual Masturbation, Masturbation, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, PIV, Unsafe Sex, Consent King Din Djarin, Din Djarin's Helmet Stays on During Sex, Vaginal Sex, Din Djarin talks you through it, Making Love, Pregnancy
Best Kept Secret by @lincolndjarin | 188k
Summary: Married off to a prince on a planet that you hate? New husband doesn't know you, and doesn't want to know you? New husband gifts you a personal Mandalorian body guard as a wedding present? Mandalorian is a wiseass who won't leave you alone? Lucky you.
Tags: no y/n, Enemies to Lovers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Princess!Reader, Arranged Marriage, bodyguard!din, Smut, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Glove Kink, Light Dom/sub, Switch Din Djarin, Switch Reader, Body Worship, Din Djarin Has a Breeding Kink, Hate Sex, Creampie, Sex Toys, Anal Play, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, eventual pregnancy (right at the end)
Be-All and Endor by @djarins-cyare | 400k
Summary: Languishing in a dull and lonely existence on the forest moon of Endor after travelling there to help salvage Death Star wreckage, a nearly fatal encounter with a mysterious bounty hunter out in the forest heralds an opportunity to utilise long-forgotten skills and develop something more profound than you ever thought possible.
Tags: Slow Burn, Slow Build, Romance, Love, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Smut, Sex, Sexual Content, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Relationships, Healthy Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Dark Past, Additional Warnings In Author's Notes, Bounty Hunter Din Djarin, Soft Din Djarin, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Din Djarin Needs a Hug, Smart Din Djarin, Soft Dominant Din Djarin, Ewok Species, Mandalorian Culture, Mando'a Language, New Razor Crest, Thoroughly Researched, Worldbuilding, No use of y/n.
A Place of Safety by The_InvisibleWoman (AO3) | 178k
Summary: Persuaded into picking up one last quarry on his way home, an exhausted Mandalorian is in no mood for you, but he slowly begins to think that things are not as they should be. You’ve been on the run for so long and you don’t even know who from, but when you are captured by the bounty hunter, you think it’s all over.
Tags: Smut, slow burn, protective!Din, touch starvation, Din Djarin's point of view, fluff, angst, mutual pining, enemies to friends to lovers, rescue, falling in love, flirting, close proximity, gentle kissing, gentle sex, cuddling, threats of sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, self harm, tickling, noncon
Wrest Pin by BalletOrchard (AO3) | 366k
Summary: “I can help you escape the planet,” Mando said sharply, “But I want information in return.” She looked up at him through the small hairs on her face and she whispered, sounding almost lost…As if she didn’t know what else to say… “I have no information.” Something Mando did not believe.
Tags: panic attacks, force sensitive!reader, unprotected PinV sex, smut, mando is a dick, angst, slow burn (romantically), touch starved!din, bickering, arguing, post season 1, fluff, ofc!evangeline, she like doesn’t get off the first time they fuck which i feel like is worth noting, feelings of regret, minor character death (evangeline’s whole fam), follows canon, mando lowkey keeping evangeline against her will but like she’s hiding from the empire so, near death experience(s), the helmet comes off, oral f receiving, blindfolding, shower sex
Somewhere Beautiful by @peetiespetals | 235k
Summary: You have been working as a slave since the demise of your people and destruction of your planet. A stranger passes through your life and you make a bid for freedom, thwarted by the very man who inspired you to reach for it. In a twist of fate, the two of you are thrown together and must learn how to live with each other as the lines between slave and master begin to blur. Can you really tell the difference between duty and devtion?
Tags: smut, fluff and smut, angst, rough sex, bdsm, abandonment, neglect, physical abuse, love stories, shower sex, mutual masturbation, dom/sub undertones, oral sex, shameless smut, praise kink, bondage, biting, slow burn, spanking, orgasm control, orgasm delay/denial, cock warming, master/slave, vaginal fingering, deep throating, breast worship, pussy spanking, ball play, public creampie, edging, anal sex, foot jobs, handcuffs, cock bondage, panties in mouth, aftercare, jealous din djarin, hurt/comfort, overstimulation, strong female characters, hurt no comfort, porn with plot, sexual tension, porn with feelings, canon typical violence, slow romance, fluff and angst, anxiety, manhandling, pov second person, vaginal sex, nipple play, dirty talk, hair pulling
I Think of You by @prolix-yuy | 107k
Summary: A Mandalorian and a woman spend a night together, neither expecting the other to return. But the galaxy works in mysterious ways and many years later, despite a mission and a Creed and the cruelty of their lives, they find each other again and begin a journey of their own.
Tags: graphic smut, drinking, smoking, dirty talk, The Helmet Stays On, safe PiV sex, drinking, suggestive language, canonical-typical violence. mentions of past sexual experiences, angst and yearning, female masturbation, grinding, descriptions of male and female bodies, illness (not graphic), fingering (f receiving), male masturbation, sexy massage, hand kink, mutual masturbation, fingers in mouths, semi-unprotected PiV sex, descriptions of injuries, blood, and medical-ish procedures, allusions to sexual acts, hurt/comfort
Tied by @radiowallet | 26 chapters
Summary: Dr. Din Djarin is the top cardiothoracic surgeon in his field. His work is meticulous, his judgment unquestionable. And then he get’s a new first assist, who couldn’t give two shits about anyone’s reputation.
Tags: Smut, Cursing, Graphic violence, some questionable power dynamics.
Take Me to Church by @frannyzooey | 31 chapters
Summary: Set in a brothel in the late 1800’s in the Wild West, you’ve only been working there for a month when Din Djarin shows up. A bounty hunter who makes stops into town between jobs, he is known at the inn for his generous appetite and demanding preferences. Asking for you one night, he is pleased to learn you are well suited for him: your sweet nature soothing to his gruff temperament and surprising him with your ability to handle his rougher tastes. Demanding that you be made available to him every time he is in town, neither one of you is ready for where this request leads.
Tags: MFF, oral sex (female/male receiving), vaginal sex, dirty talk, mentions of murder, rope play, mutual masturbation, idk man lots of smut
Losing My Religion by @oonajaeadira | 108k
Summary: A Mandalorian comes looking for you with an assignment from an old friend, sending you on a mission and a union that you both need.
Tags: Smut, canon-typical violence, post-season two canon, reader is force sensitive, alternating point of view, angst, fluff, yearning, mind control, injuries, mourning a lost spouse, alcohol, feelings of betrayal, touch starvation, implied masturbation, kissing, bounty hunter kink, grinding and fingering, Mando'a language
A Shade That's New by FallenFern (AO3) | 111k
Summary: After Mando and Grogu part he goes back to bounty hunting. But its not enough. Desperate to feel again Mando accepts a more dangerous line of work. He joins your small crew on a new job, putting you in close proximity wether you like it or not. Wary of anyone, especially Mandalorians, you try to keep him at arms length. After all, anyone and everyone could be an enemy and you were going to treat him like one.Yeah, thats lasts long…
Tags: OFC!Shade, described as smaller than Mando, curly or wavy hair, able bodied, can blush/flush, Alternating 2nd Person POV. Smut, making shit up, not canon, after grogu and AU, emotional pain, plot with porn, enemies to lovers, slow burn, trauma, sexual tension, action and romance, blood and injury, blood kink, the helmet stays on, but it also comes off, blindfold, light bondage, sexual assualt, threats of rape (not by Mando), praise kink, begging, semi public sex, blaster kink, cock warming, daddy mando, oral sex (f and m receiving), smut marathon, I’ll kill anyone that touches you trope, demanding mando, comfort sex, minor character death, betrayal, mando to the rescue, revenge, reunion sex, say my name trope, edge play, rough sex, throat grabbing but not exactly choking
Frankie Morales
Between the Raindrops by Jazzelsaur (AO3) | 148k
Summary: Two lives fall apart, then together. A journey told in parts and pieces. Frankie’s life is coming apart at the seams, when Ellie, a widow facing her own share of struggles, moves in next door. Together they find friendship, healing, and something more.
Tags: Widowed reader, divorced frankie, neighbors to friends to lovers, grief, mourning, angst, masturbation, pining, allusions to sex, eventual smut, slow burn, past drug use, alcohol, infertility, miscarriage mention, ptsd, handjobs, oral sex, smut, food, strained friendships, healing, allusions to verbal abuse, angst with a happy ending, idiots in lovedivorced!Frankie, widow!OC/reader, no one has kids, slow burn with great spicy scenes, smut! with plot
Sex Worker!Frankie AU by @prolix-yuy | 21 chapters
Summary: You’d never thought you’d be sitting on a hotel room bed, phone to your ear as you waited for someone on the other end to pick up. After a messy divorce you wanted something to ease the pain of loneliness. That something just happens to be the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen, even if you had to pay for him.
Tags: Sex Worker!Frankie, implied other Triple Frontier Boys!Sex Workers, watch me make up shit about sex work, descriptions of male and female bodies, oral sex (F receiving), like super descriptive oral (there might be over 2500 words dedicated to Frankie’s talents), female masturbation, fingering (f receiving), safe PiV sex, a touch of Feral Frankie, one ass slap, fingers in mouths, some angst and feelings sprinkled in there for flavor.
Frankie Morales Box Set by @frannyzooey | 20 chapters
Summary: A series of one shots in which Frankie Morales shows you just how much he likes movie night.
Tags: oral, PIV, cum eating, hand job, cockwarming, mutual masturbation, dirty talk, thigh riding, dry humping, lots of other shit
Javier Peña
Lie to Me by @iamskyereads | 151.8k
Summary: A recent transfer to the DEA from the FBI makes you a target of hazing from your co-workers. Choosing to forget your bad first day at a bar puts you on a path towards meeting a new acquaintance. An expert on deception and psychological profiling, you are adept at catching liars. What happens when an increasingly stressful work environment begins to test the limits of your personal life and the one man at the center of it all, Javier Peña? Afterall, everybody lies about something. But how many are you keeping from yourself?
Tags: An AU of Season 3 of Narcos.Language, Alcohol/Drinking, Smoking, POV Switches, assholery, office pranks/hazing, hatin on the FBI and the DEA too, but we all hate on the CIA the most, Praise Kink, Dirty Talk, thigh grinding, PIV sex, soft Javi, Pining, Sexual Frustration, Use of A Sex Toy, Edging, Oral Sex, Canon-Typical Violence, Guns, police raids, Parallel plots to the show, Smut, sloppy blowjobs, Shower Sex, Social Anxiety, Nightmares, Rough Sex, spitting, Semi-Public Sex, Office Sex, Love in an Elevator, death of background characters, kidnapping of background characters, Shootouts, Masturbation, Breeding Kink, discussions of fertility, kink negotiations, Spanking, Brat behavior, Mild D/s vibes, Creampie, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Sex in a Church, Unprotected Sex, TacVest!Javi, Orgasm Denial, Angst with a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Sexism, Hospital, scar, accident of background characters, historical classism/sexism/racism, Grief/Mourning, Body Insecurities, Cockwarming, threats of kidnapping reader, light teasing, Flirting
Learning to Live by @wheresarizona | 382k
Summary: While grocery shopping, you happen across a handsome man confused by some produce. Coming to his aid leads to an invitation for drinks, and next thing you know, you’re falling head over heels for Javier Peña—a good man who has trouble believing he is. Sparks fly when you meet and ignite an insatiable need that you both try to fight for the sake of taking things slow; Javi determined to do things right by you. The problem is, the two of you only have so much self-control.
Tags: Post-Colombia and Narcos S3, Story Starts in June 1998.POV Alternating, Soft Javier Peña, Meet-Cute, First Dates, Javier Peña Needs a Hug, Whirlwind Romance, Javier Getting the Love and Happiness He Deserves, Javier Is Stubborn At First, Javier Peña in Love, Javier Being a Consent King, Multiple Orgasms, Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Praise Kink, Hand Jobs, Come Eating, Phone Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Vaginal Sex, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Blow Jobs, Edgeplay, Body Worship, Shower Sex, Biting Javis Butt, Deepthroating, Biting, Javier Coming So Hard His Soul Leaves His Body, Spanking, Car Sex, Dry Humping, Public Thigh Riding, Face-Sitting, Dirty Dancing, Post-Sex Smoking, Aftercare, Feelings, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Dancing, Protective Javier Peña, Jealous Javier Peña, Getting Tipsy With Javier, Javier In Grey Sweatpants, Alcohol, Small Towns, Food, Road Trips, Post-Canon, Face-Fucking, Breeding, Rimming, Anal Play, Romantic Comedy, Cockwarming, Grief/Mourning, past relationship trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Horseback Riding, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Arguing, Angst with a Happy Ending, Period-Typical Sexism, Canon Typical Drug Talk, Nude Photos, Overstimulation, Dysfunctional Family
Just Dumb Enough to Try by @whatsnewalycat | 108k
Summary: In 1993, you met Javier Peña in San Antonio. You made an emotional and physical connection with him. Now it’s 1998 and you’re starting a new chapter of life in Laredo with your fiancé. And who else walks back into the picture, but the man who left you high and dry five years ago.
Tags: alcohol use, Binge Drinking, Swearing, Recreational Drug Use, Cigarettes, Voyeurism, Smut, Bisexual main character, Touch-Starved, Female Masturbation, Vaginal Sex, Unprotected Sex, Dirty Talk, Teasing, Flirting, Mutual Pining, Cheating, Infidelity, Sexual Tension, Attempt at Humor, Soft Javier Peña, Movie Nerd Shit, use of daddy in a sexual context, Vulnerable Javier Peña, Angst and Feels, Family Issues, Mostly Post Season 3, Existential Crisis, Banter, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, friends to lovers to friends to lovers, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Humor, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, No beta idk I just got here, Fluff and Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Impact Play, Pain Kink, Domestic Violence, Praise Kink, Unplanned Pregnancy, Breeding Kink, Blood and Violence, Mild Gore, Kidnapping
Joel Miller
Feelings on Fire by @joelscruff | 110k
Summary: Back from school for the summer and staying with your devout Catholic parents, you ask Joel Miller to teach you guitar as an act of rebellion. Turns out, there's a lot more that he wants to teach you too...
Tags: Smut, age gap (reader is in her 20s, Joel is in his mid 50s), inexperienced/virgin reader, loss of virginity, corruption, mentions of religion/Catholicism, praise kink, pet names (babygirl, sweetheart, darling), dirty talk, masturbation, unprotected penetrative vaginal sex, creampies, cumplay, oral sex (female and male receiving), exhibitionism, size kink
Lavender by @justagalwhowrites | 253k
Summary: You're a college student in Austin, Texas, who gets a summer job nannying Sarah Miller. It's not long before her dad sees you as more than a babysitter - or more than a friend. But life - and an apocalypse - have other plans.
Tags: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Pre-Canon, Friends to Lovers, Protective Joel, Parent Joel, Joel is Bad at Feelings, Soft Joel, Fluff and Smut, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Loss of Virginity, Miscarriage, Sexual Coercion
Closer by @beardedjoel | 193k
Summary: you are staying with your parents, helping them move into their new house in austin. what happens when joel miller, the attractive neighbor you've been eyeing obsessively starts to show you some much wanted attention?
Tags: smut, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), porn with some plot, inexperienced reader, soft!dom joel, boyfriend! joel, possessive! joel, mutual masturbation, rough sex, spanking, creampie, unprotected piv, oral (m + f receiving), dirty talk, overstimulation kink, praise kink, so many pet names it’s not even funny, consensual somnophilia, cockwarming
Yearling by @justagalwhowrites | 186k (as of ch 27)
Summary: After years of surviving in the wilds of Wyoming after the cordyceps outbreak, you find yourself in Jackson. It's a town filled with friendly faces and the kind of world you hardly remember, let alone can connect with or understand. But one man - Joel Miller, another loner, like you - makes you think that trying to find your place in society again might be worth it.
Tags: Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Joel, Parent Joel, Angst, Soft Joel, Smut, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, Past Sexual Abuse, Friends to Lovers
Hot and Heavy by @tieronecrush | 130k
Summary: Over the course of three summers, Joel Miller has become woven into the fabric of your life. You nanny his daughter, sneaking around in an illicit love affair. You keep coming home, and he keeps coming back to you. The last summer, you're home with no plans of leaving—and Joel seeks you out again. What chances do you have?
Tags: Neighbor!Joel, age gap, canon-divergence, no outbreak, alcohol consumption, mentions of food, pet names (sweetheart), familial and self pressure, reader is in college, nanny!reader, smut
Dave York
Notes on Tutoring by @honestly-shite | 189.9k
Summary: Mr. York becomes your new classical guitar tutor in your final year at music college. A dark, mysterious man, you struggle to get a read on him but that doesn’t stop you from finding many ways to push his buttons.
Tags: Smut, alternate universe, music college, age gap, teacher/student relationship, slow burn, PiV sex, power dynamics, angst, pining, alcohol and drinking
Dieter Bravo
Recovery Road by @chronically-ghosted | 108k
Summary: Dieter Bravo is on his last chance. Six months out of a two year stint in rehab, his marriage on the rocks, and his starlight fading, he reunites with an old director friend on a project that might save his career and his personal life in a single go. Enter Natalie Lorraine, his new enigmatic co-star. Together, they go on to lead a film that comes to define a generation – and are both mysteriously absent the night the film receives an Oscar for Best Picture. Their reasons for missing such a landmark event are their own.
Tags: Smut, age gap (Dieter is 35, reader is 22), drug usage, alcohol, smoking, infidelity, discussions of addiction and withdrawal, toxic relationships, masturbation, pining, angst, anxiety and anxiety attacks, mental illness, bad coping mechanisms, named reader, descriptions of reader's hair, bi!Dieter
Psychomanteum by @whatsnewalycat | 132.7k
Summary: You’ve recently taken on the customer-facing responsibilities of the small-scale cannabis bakery you and your late husband ran out of your apartment, which introduces you to occasional customer, Dieter Bravo. A friendship is sparked when you realize you have something in common: you’ve both died. What Dieter doesn’t tell you about his near-death experience, though, is that it foretold his life with you.
Tags: Smut (including - alternating power dynamics, consensual unprotected sex, penetrative vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex), gried, alternating point of view, physical descriptions of OFC (including - tattoos, scars, being lifted by Dieter), drug use (including - smoking cannabis and consuming edibles, dropping acid, drinking alcohol, cocaine and morphine use), substance abuse, addiction, fame & paparazzi, canon divergent, suicidal thoughts and planning, divorce, near-death experiences, Bi4Bi romance, supernatural elements, ghosts and psychomanteums, spirituality, drag performance, long-distance relationship, friends to lovers dynamic, OFC is infertile, familial and relationship trauma - please refer to chapters for all warnings.
For the Love of Horror by @coulsons-fullmetal-cellist | 80 chapters
Summary: Dieter meets and falls in love with someone who absolutely loves horror films. The problem is, he's a big scaredy cat!
Tags: loose fit series, series of one shots and drabbles, tags on each chapter
Oberyn Martell
In Name Only by @forever-rogue | 21 chapters
Summary: Reader, the only daughter of late Lord and Lady Beesbury, is sent off to be married to Prince Oberyn Martell. After having been parted from her first love by her horrid mother, she refuses to marry a man she does not know or love and be pushed into a life of misery. But after threat of being cut off from everything she knew and loved, she finds herself leaving her home in Honeyholt and arriving in Sunspear, married to the Prince. Being the charming and kind Prince he is, Oberyn promises her that it does not have to be a true marriage, it can be a marriage in name only. Little does the newly anointed Lady Martell know, that being married to the Prince is so much more than she bargained for.
Tags: Smut, language, fluff, kissing, period-typical misogyny, angst, sensual touching, mentions of violence and injury, discussions of pregnancy, mentions of death
Jack "Whiskey" Daniels
Down the Rabbit-Hole by @absurdthirst, @wardenparker | 208k
Summary: When Jack accidentally shoots a civilian on a mission he takes on not only the guilt of the man’s death, but inherits his soulmate as well. To you, it’s a dream job with more perks than you can imagine - but for Jack it’s a nightmarish complication. Even more so when he starts to develop feelings.
Tags: mentions of deceased spouse, a lot of food and alcohol consumption, family recipes, age gap, cursing, Canon typical violence, Death, gun use, angst, Jack has a temper and Tequila has a dumb first name, Making Out, a bit of groping, heavy flirting, sexy shower time, a whole truck load of anger, Fisticuffs, a bunch of angry people being upset with each other, Kidnapping, Torture, burning victim with cigarettes, Broken Bones, a whole lot of gun pointing and talk about murder, medicine by injection, oral sex (f and m receiving), Outdoor Sex, Public Sex, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Sex, Cream Pie, Cum Play, Anxiety, Accidental Hurt, panic attack (symptoms based on my own personal experiences), intrusive/racing thoughts, physical symptoms of anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Guilt, Possible Unwanted Pregnancy, Lies, Nausea/Illness, Talk of Abortion, canon typical injuries, Family Planning, Mentions of Sex Toys, Lingerie, Spanking, rough sex, Flirty and somewhat explicit banter, Pregnancy, Discussion of symptoms, Mood Swings, cemetery/deceased loved ones, speaking to deceased loved ones
Pedro Across The Street (Calls)
Good. Things. Take. Time. by @oonajaeadira | 22 chapters
Summary: PATS is a massage therapist with special services. Or so he claims. He gives you a three-hour session you’re both going to enjoy.
Tags: Explicit marathon wall to wall smut, masseuse!PATS, sex worker!PATS.
Din Djarin x Joel Miller
Cosmic Oddities by fromthewhales (AO3) | 106k
Summary: Turning a clan of two into a clan of four and asking the very important, albeit unhinged question: What if space dad and apocalypse dad were Weird About Each Other?
Tags: parental bonding, parallels, angst, everyone has issues, everyone needs a hug, touch starved din djarin, injuries, strangers to ??? to lovers, smashing the space western and the zombie western together like 2 ken dolls, trauma, crack-fic adjacent at times, hurt/comfort, soft not super explicit smut, self harm, found family, din djarin eventually removes the helmet, blindfold, long distance relationship, survivors guilt, angst with a happy ending, non sexual intimacy, it gets worse before it gets better, alcohol mention, game II canon divergent — but boy does it come close, canon typical violence, minor character death, major character injury, bi!din djarin, bi!joel miller
Various
The Infinity Cube by @littlemisspascal | 20 chapters
Summary: When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?
Tags: language, fluff, angst
#fic recs#the spreadsheet digest#fanfiction recommendations#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character fanfiction#ppcu fanfiction#pedro pascal fanfiction#the spreadsheet outtakes#outtakes
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The Financial Modeling World Championship is heating up! The eight finalists will be selected during the Livestream at the link on November 2.
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Since some of the other fundraisers I've reblogged are really close to their goals, I want to share some of the less-funded Palestinian fundraisers I've donated to in the hopes that my followers can help them out or get them more attention:
Raghad, foreign exchange student with ~$7,000/$25,000
Muhammad, student studying software development with ~$2,050/$30,000
Mohammed and his siblings and parents, with ~$1,400/$45,000
#operation olive branch#I know the operation olive branch spreadsheet can be overwhelming so hopefully this is a more digestible way for people to choose a family#and this is my small way of trying to help. a person has to try.
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Bet you didn’t think a cute little baby goat like me, resting beneath a black walnut tree to escape the summer sun, would be proficient in Microsoft Excel, did you. Bet you didn’t expect me to know how to optimize a spreadsheet by implementing conditional formatting rules huh. Bet you took one look at me and thought “no way this kid knows how to use the VLOOKUP function.” Well guess what, I do. I know a diverse array of useful formulas and my body is capable of digesting poison ivy. I eat that shit like potato chips. Get the fuck out of my paddock
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Hey, so i'm working on my first WIP, and i wanted to ask about drafting. When can one consider their first draft done? Does it have to have the goal word count (ie; 100K), or would being about halfway there be considered a good enough first draft, that i can move on to the second and start editing?
Concluding each stage of the writing process
It's difficult to know when a phase of a writing project has concluded and you're ready to focus on a new objective as it's developing. I tend to approach my writing projects with a clear and uniform trajectory, regardless of how diverse my projects can be. This approach allows me to remain focused, thorough, and reassured that I am covering all my bases in an organized fashion. However, it also maintains space for me to be explorative and intuitive when necessary. In regards to word count, I don't think it's entirely relevant unless you're determined to adhere to strict genre conventions. Give your story the space it needs and not an extra inch.
(Optional) Zero Draft
In this phase, you're telling yourself the story. You're doing it quickly, messily, intuitively, and forgivingly. Explore every idea that glows in the dark for you, don't throw anything away or discount any possibility. Exhaust your imagination in this phase so that when you reach the first draft, you know you're making informed decisions.
First Draft
You're crafting the structure and core elements of the story. This is often the phase of discovery. You're becoming acquainted with your characters and how they interact, you're beginning to feel at home in the world and settings you've built, and you're seeing all sides of the conflict as it evolves. The goal here is settle on a beginning, middle, and end point, and by the end of this process you want to know your characters' motivations and relationships inside and out.
Second Draft
Go back quickly through the first draft and address any points where you got stuck, where you compromised for the sake of carrying on to the end, and fill in any apparent blanks. The first time you really iron something out, there will always be a few pesky creases. This is the time to find and flatten them.
Third Draft
This is where you question everything. Identify and scrutinize your decisions, dive into the "curtains are blue" discussions with yourself, and begin to tidy up things like grammar, clumsy dialogue, over-poured descriptions, and dubious vocabulary. Comb through each paragraph and be brutal, prioritizing clarity and intentionality of how you've told the story.
The Read Through
This is the point where I recommend doing three things:
Letting it rest away from you for 1-3 months so that you can return to it with a bit of unfamiliarity and new perspective.
Hand it off to a couple of trusted readers and give them ample time to read, digest, and craft some feedback
Reread the project once all the way through making no changes (although annotations are acceptable)
Fourth Draft
Finishing touches. Vigorously and meticulously scrub and scrape between the lines and imagine giving it to your worst enemy. If you can imagine any mean (but valid) things they could conceive of to say about it, this is the time to grapple with or fix those details.
Additional Resources
Guide to Drafting
Word Count/Productivity Tracker Spreadsheet
Balancing Detail & Development
Writing The First Chapter
Writing The Middle of Your Story
Powering Through The Zero-Draft Phase
Writing The Last Chapter
Chapter Length
Happy drafting,
x Kate
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I often find myself casually mentioning something I do to accomodate my disability that I think is too "simple" to mention, but I forget how much time and effort I put into adapting my life! So, in case anyone else finds it useful, small disability tips that may be obvious but may also be helpful (feel free to add on!):
> baby food pouches for fruits/vegetables that are easy to make and easier to digest than other forms. usually when I say this people go "ew!" but they're honestly just like different flavors of applesauce
> shower chair! Preferably one with a back. even if you think you don't need a shower chair they're useful even if youve just had a long day, and I've also heard useful to shave your legs. backs on chairs I have personally found super helpful, I lose my balance without a back when I close my eyes
> speaking of showers, I have a horizontal grab bar that I face and rest my arms on to shampoo and conditioner my hair. this helps a lot with arm fatigue
> if you have POTS or acid reflux, try propping up the head of your bed slightly. you can get bed raisers that do this!
> ask your doctors to email you your appointments with a link to click to add them to your calendar. personally I have a lot of trouble with brain issues where I make copying errors and the link helps a Lot
> wedge pillows to lean back on, and a pillow under your arms to rest them on to hold a book, your phone, or your knitting!
> you can get a desk that rolls over your bed, which can be much more stable than a lap desk (you may have seen these in hospitals, but they're available for homes, too!) I actually like to take a legged lap desk and put it on top of the rolling desk, and put my keyboard under the lap desk and my laptop on top
> ergonomic mouse, even if you think you don't have wrist issues. you can always develop wrist issues if you're online a lot
> if you have sensitive skin issues, allergies, MCAS, or things like that, the So Sensitive spreadsheet is pretty useful! Some categories don't have many products listed but you can add ones you find useful too. Find it here
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7,935 total entries were submitted in 2023!
This includes all entries that were submitted via the Google Form, including late entries (and excluding duplicate entries).
Which brings us to 50,656 total recorded entries since we began this challenge in 2017!
And, we had 109 volunteer artists in 2023!! Which means that there are 109 prize-winners!
A breakdown of the stats + announcement of the Participation Prize winners are below the cut ~
Want to see all public entries? Here’s a link to the Master Spreadsheet. This omits entries that people requested to keep private between them and I.
There's a lot to be gleaned from the data this year. Firstly, this is the first year where we see a real dip in participation, numbers dropping to the pre-2020 range. There are a couple of probable causes for this dip: this year, I chose, a) not to promote the challenge in any discords, b) not to repost any prompts to twitter, and c) not to post reminders throughout the challenge for folks to submit their links.
I was curious to know how much my own direct participation effects the challenge these days, and the numbers seem to point to "quite a bit!" So, that's good to know.
Secondly, we have finally approached the "data visualization salad" limit in which there are enough data points to confuse the visualization of the data overall, rendering them a little tough to understand at first glance. So, next year will probably see some fine-tuning of the data so that it's easier to digest.
Now, onto the good stuff!
Total Participation Year to Year:
Prompt Participation by Year:
NOTE: The big dips are Make-up / Extra Credit Days. Lots of folks choose to take a break over writing Extra Credit. Legit!
Prompt Breakdown by Week:
Submissions by Day:
NOTE: Day 7 was the day before the 24-hour deadline went into effect. Hence, the big ol’ spike.
Submissions by Platform:
Participation Prize Winners
Winners were selected via a random raffle dice roll made by Moen and span all online writing platforms, including Tumblr, Ao3, Google Docs, and others (like Twitter). This writing challenge is not a contest - no one’s work was being judged for length, skill, etc. The prizes are based on participation only! The more entries that you wrote and submitted within its 24-hour deadline, the higher your chance of winning a prize.
Prizes are a simple black & white portrait of the winner’s character. Most are shoulder up but the artists are free to take liberties if they’d like. Prizes are not commissioned work, so ultimately it’s the artist’s choice for what they’d like to do for the piece. Some artists (not all) accept commissions and might be open to colorizing a prize piece, after it’s been posted, at their normal rates.
Due to recent changes in Discord's username format, this year (and this year only) all winners will be notified by yours truly (MoenMoen) via a friend request and message in Discord. Next year I'll be teaming up with some folks to find a better, more streamlined process for informing and connecting winners with their volunteer artist.
So, keep an eye out for me in your Discord friend requests/inbox over the next week or so (it will take me a minute to get to everyone):
As always, there are a few winners whose artists may need to drop out for personal reasons, and that’s ok! In those cases, the winners will be carried over into 2024′s pool of winners where another artist will pick up their prize and complete it.
Congrats to all 109 winners, and I'll see you in September 2024 when we do it all again!
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I've done some reading challenges before and I think they can be fun if they have a purpose: for instance, something like the Read Harder challenge, ones that encourage you to read from different genres or read more diverse books, etc. I have a sort of evergreen challenge where I encourage myself to read more books written by authors from different countries, and keep a spreadsheet of which countries I've "read." (I also do this with other kinds of entertainment like movies.) But it's definitely true that some of them just seem to be for the gimmick and aesthetic, and for people who prize quantity over quality of reading in a sort of commodity-fetishism (as they're prizing books as markers of intelligence over the actual experience of learning and expanding your world via reading). Like when the challenges start to be things like "read a book with an orange cover" that's where I start to roll my eyes a bit, haha.
I will say that while I try not to be a snob about reading, it does drive me nuts when I've had people lord over how many more books they've read or how many more pages when they're reading beach reads and YA and other easily digestible stuff whereas I'm reading stuff that is heavier. One time when I was working some crappy minimum-wage job in college, I was reading this big omnibus of all Jane Austen's works (because I was taking a class on her where I was required to read those, not that I wouldn't read Austen otherwise lol) on my break, and one of the other employees asked me how many pages it was and I answered and he was like "pfft, that's nothing, I read all the Harry Potter books in a week and they're more than that!" And I wanted to be like.... yeah, me too, dipshit. I mean, I didn't literally read them in one week, but when each one came out, I devoured it within a day or two like a lot of people did, despite it being 800 pages. Because Rowling's prose is really easy to gobble up like that. Not that Austen is impenetrable or anything (I don't think she is and I think that's precisely why she remains so evergreen popular), but she does require more effort than *that*, particularly when you're reading her work for a literature class where you're expected to write a paper analyzing it, so you want to linger to make sure you really deeply understand it.
I've read academic monographs that were 150 pages long that took me weeks to get through, and I've read 800-page bestsellers that I ripped through in a few days. Pure page length does not determine how long it takes to actually read something. I mean.... in fandom we should all be aware of this, how many of us have devoured some 100k fic in a night or two? As someone who has written some of those academic monographs myself and therefore is familiar with how word count tends to relate to book page length, I can verify for you that that is the equivalent of devouring a novel in the same time frame. But it's a lot easier to do that when you're reading relatively invisible prose and are invested in your OTP getting together (or whatever) vs. if you're trying to digest someone's very dry and convoluted argument about Foucault.
--
I just read all of Scum Villain in about five minutes, yeah. And it was great, but nothing to brag about as an achievement.
I've got this friend who goes on about reading sooooo fast but then admits to often rereading to catch things that she missed the first time. It came up when I was explaining how seldom I reread or rewatch anything. I tend to remember it far, far too keenly after one time through, and it just doesn't hit the same a second time. I still read pretty fast, but not that fast.
I don't think it's snobby to roll your eyes at people who clearly don't grasp the difference between different difficulties of reading and—this is key—who are trying to wave their dick at you about how great they are. They started it!
The time I do roll my eyes is when people think you should read mega hard prose in order to learn, especially in order to learn vocabulary or get faster at reading. That's not what the science says. (Apparently, the fastest way to improve on that kind of thing is to read mass quantities of faintly hard-for-you stuff, not stuff that's hard hard.) But to learn how to decode confusing arguments? Yes, absolutely.
I do wish people would put a little more effort into unwinding their own tortured syntax on Foucault though.
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So, it's October -- crazy, right? About three months ago, I got waaay too emotionally invested in Din Djarin and baby Grogu and the Razor Crest and, well, here we are. This blog served as a way to unleash the infectious brainrot of Pedro back into the ecosystem, hopefully finding another victim. What I got back, is community. I've been in fandom for over ten years and I can honestly say I've never seen a fandom that is so kind, so supportive, so eager to share and talk and engage with others.
So, in the three months since this blog was created, you lovely people continue to show up and everyday I am gobsmacked at the growth and support. I genuinely don't know how I would have survived these last few months had I not met some of you, so as the (shoddily made) gif says: thank you.
I've just now wrapped up my 100 Followers Event Challenge (y'all sent me so many fantastic prompts I had SO much fun!). If you're interested, they're on my masterlist or you can find them all here on this post. I'm taking an itty bitty break from writing for just a bit (might be getting a new job too) but when i come back, i can't wait to share what comes next for all our pedro blorbos!)
Now that I'm a bit more settled and have had the chance to meet some of these fantastic creators, I'd love to share them out with you:
My Favorite Places to Make PPCU Friends (Discord Servers):
Pedro Pascal Cinematic Universe (I got invited by @jupiter-soups)
Space Sisters - give @psychedelic-ink a shout if you'd like to join!
My Favorite Compilations for Fics:
Favourite Fanfic Stories (managed by @morallyinept)
Sanctuary Database (managed by @pascalsanctuary)
Spreadsheet Digest (managed by @wannab-urs)
(these folks are also some of the nicest people you'll ever meet so please do yourself a favor and go follow them)
My Favorite Creators:
@perotovar is a next level gifmaker
@trulybetty has some of the best designs i've ever seen
@daddy-dins-girl has some of the best pedro character alignment charts -- it makes me laugh every time!
@iamdesibell has my entire heart and soul with all her fanart
@saradika keeps us fed with gorgeous moodboards and dividers
Fandom lives and dies by its community so please reblog, tag, or comment if you like a piece of fanart, fanfic, or anything else someone has created that vibes with you! If you'd like to rec something or someone, please let me know -- as you can see, i love holding up other writers and creators and i always wanna hear about your fave!
My ask box is always open for requests, questions, comments, or if you wanna just bitch about how your stupid old car failed you again, I wanna hear about that too 🤍thank you all for accepting me and my silly little stories!
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Amity tidbits bc it's my blorbo rn (sorry y'all who arent into humanoid stuff)
Amity works security for a research vessel that collects environmental and biometric data for a university, but also likes to help with data organization. it's a spreadsheet slut, the data is color coded and everything
It was recently freed from a corporation who manufacture and rent human/bot constructs, and the failsafe in it's brain that's meant to fry it if it disobeys orders has been removed
After it was freed, Amity underwent a series of cosmetic and non-cosmetic augmentations. Wanting to fit in with humans better, and wanting to be more 'involved' in culture, Amity decided one of these augmentations would be to add a digestive system (though it doesnt Need to eat) and taste buds
Its well loved by it's crew, who are very sweet to it and help it explore it's newly opened world. Amity owns more than a few poorly-knitted sweaters.
Amity, in spite of being a highly technically advanced bot construct cant cook for shit and has burnt more eggs than can be counted
though it has mad RBF it's highly emotionally intelligent and is usually the first one it's crew comes to if they need reassurance
it LOVES spicy foods. One of it's favorite gifts it's gotten is a hot sauce variety pack. this is another reason it's not allowed to cook on the ship
Over time it starts putting on weight, and ends up Huge. Because of it's bot structure, this doesn't slow it down at all when it needs to mobilize. However, it does mean it ends up needing a much larger cabin space
Amity loves being large, not just because it separates it from it's past as a corporate weapon, but because of how much it's crew seems to enjoy it as well. Primo spot on movie night is next to Amity.
it once wrote a code for itself so it could experience indigestion. just to see what it'd feel like. (this code is still active)
It has a lovely singing voice, and can often been heard humming to itself while it writes code or helps with data organization
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Outtakes - Monsterfucking
AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist
Howdy folks!
Here's a list of fics I've read where either the Pedro boy, the reader, or everyone involved is a monster of some sort.
Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.
Pedro boys currently included are: Joel Miller, Ezra, Din Djarin, Dave York, Marcus Pike, Dieter Bravo, Jack Daniels, Frankie Morales, Oberyn Martell, Max Phillips, and Tim Rockford.
updated 3/27/2024
Demon
Met the Devil Last Night
Joel one shot by @pedgito
I made a joke about wanting to screw dirt-covered Joel even if he was deep in the trenches of hell and...well, yeah. This is pure filth and nothing else. Porn with minuscule plot, if you will
fem!reader, demon!joel, no specific age gap since dude is a literal demon, but reader is early 20s and I picture Joel to be his younger self (around 36), mentions of su*cidal ideations, this all a completely made up concept pls don't come for me about rituals, ect i will cry. virgin!reader, reader's father is a priest and horrible (just a total douche)/mother isn't alive, spitting, oral, unprotected piv, blood drinking, competency kink, innocence kink, mutual masturbation
In Every Lifetime
Ezra series by @xdaddysprincessxx
It’s fall of 1974 in your quiet small town of Chesterfield when everything falls apart. Or is it the beginning?
Reader is mid to late 20s, witchcraft, tarot, yes the witchy things depicted in this is real witchcraft things, use of Latin
Common Courtesies
Din one shot by @juletheghoul
Pride and Prejudice vibes but Mr. Darcy is a sex demon
**pussy-eating** language, age-gap (legal, reader is of age) dirty talk, supernatural elements, sexist society, sexist comments from readers father
Solum
Dave York one shot by @ezrasbirdie
Are you lost?" Your heart seizes with fear at the deep rumbling voice, head jerking to look in the direction it came from. It’s too dark. You can’t see anything. "Who’s—who’s there?" You ask, hoping you sound braver than you feel. "You didn’t answer my question,” it said. “Are you lost?' You swallow. You shouldn’t be here. You’ve never stepped foot in this building before today. You have no business here. But lost? No. You’re exactly where you set out to be.
SMUT, dubious consent [reader wants to be with him, but he's a demon so you know—it's a little influenced]—dead dove, this is horror and Dave York is an actual demon who kills people, graphic violence, body horror, a dash of blood kink, oral sex
Sell My Soul For You
Marcus P one shot by @absurdthirst
During girls night out, you accidentally dial your boyfriend, Marcus Pike. He hears you complain about how vanilla your sex life is and that you need to him to be more dominant. Marcus proves he’s willing to do anything to please you, even if the cost is his soul.
Angst, hurt feelings, demon possession, dominant!Marcus, oral (male and female receiving), face fucking, spanking, pussy slapping, spitting, fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, bondage/handcuffs, anal play, double penetration (fingers and cock), soft aftercare.
Incubus
Crawling Back to You
Dieter one shot by @prolix-yuy
Have you no idea that you're in deep?
religious corruption kink, bastardizing prayers, brief drug use, mentions of alcohol consumption, grinding, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, breaking a hymen, descriptions of blood, biting and drawing blood, pheromone incubus anatomy, size difference/kink like whoa, monster transformation, monster fucking, PiV sex, wildly unrealistic sex, kind of dubious consent in the way that she has no idea what she's getting into so Dieter checks in A LOT, consent is sexy and monsters especially should ask for it, Reader has no idea what she's doing when it comes to summoning an incubus.
Dream Within a Dream
Ezra one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles
Your dreams have become the escape from your draining life. When you discover you are not alone in your dreamworld, will all the aspects lacking in your waking life be fulfilled by your handsome companion?
dream fucking, loss of virginity, depictions and deviations of supernatural lore, erotic gore
Cryptid
Mothman Fever
Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters
You and your friends head to Point Pleasant, West Virginia in late September for the Mothman Festival. And that’s where you meet Joel Miller, a fellow Mothman enthusiast. But once you spend some time alone with him you realize that he’s not who he says he is.
Smut, canon divergence, semi-public sex, alcohol, no outbreak, pet names (luna), oral sex (female receiving), vaginal fingering, PiV sex, sex pollen, dubcon, monsterfucking
Oh, Honey
Joel series by @lincolndjarin
you’ve been given a gift. a fresh start in a brand new place, the sleepy little town of Honey, WV. a distant aunt has passed away and left you a little plot of land and her camper, the stars must be aligning for you because the local mortician is looking for an assistant and you’re desperate for the work experience. your new employer even offers to set you up with her brother-in-law! things are looking up, you’ve got a brand new home, a new town, a hot date, (and thanks to a series of bear attacks that started immediately after your arrival) you have more than enough work to keep you busy!
Soulmates AU, eventual smut, teratophilia, graphic descriptions of violence, explicit descriptions of menstruation, graphic descriptions of the mortuary process, horror, depictions of extreme fear, body horror, graphic depictions of death, eldritch horror. this is a monster fucker fic, proceed accordingly
Sanguine
ˆEzra one shot by marisferasiop
since being turned as a boy into- whatever liminal state of cryptid he is now- Ezra has walked this earth ageless and alone, never finding his place or a partner for long. He interrupts your meal in the city one evening, and brings you home to strike up a deal; feed from him, alone, and keep one another safe from discovery. The fact that he finds his purpose under the soft graze of your teeth and home between your thighs is a nice side effect.
lots of blood, smut, soft yearning sweet boy Ezra, mapuche mythology and monsters, schmoop. Ezra is a subby little sap in this.
Tentacles
MDKT Sex Pollen
Joel one shot by @theywhowriteandknowthings
Your patrol with Joel goes a little sideways
Dead Dove Do Not Eat/DDDNI, noncon/heavy dubcon, body horror, tentacles, mouth r*pe, double/triple penetration, bondage, non-consensual bondage, choking, deep throating, pheromones, sex pollen, tentacles, mind fuck/mind break, brainwashing, guilt, trauma, trauma bonding. Let me know if I missed anything.
Taungsdays, am I right?
Din one shot by @theywhowriteandknowthings
You awaken to find yourself and Din in an alien position.
Smut, dubcon/noncon, pheromones, tentacle sex, bondage, mind-fuck, alien sex, unprotected PiV, anal sex, double penetration, dirty talk
Dragon
Promise
Ezra one shot by @criticallyacclaimedstranger
You are taken from you village by a dragon, and he has an obscene proposition for you.
Human/Monster Romance, Monsterfucking, initial dubcon (sort of a damned if you do damned if you don't deal), dragon fucks reader, Breeding, Oviposition, Stomach Bulge, PIV Sex, Loss of Virginity, Painful Sex, Cunnilingus, Fellatio, dragon!ezra is really good with his tongue, Squirting, All's well that ends well though, seriously I don't know how to warn for this fic guys, dragon biology is weird, DON'T LOOK AT ME! Light Bondage, drugging, pet names
Werewolf
Bad Moon Rising
Jack series by @wardenparker
When a handsome stranger called Jack shows up on your struggling ranch looking for work, you’re more than happy to take him in - and into your bed, as well.Death of a parent, loss of a spouse, general family drama.
Vaginal sex, oral sex, rough sex, Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy is basically a life motto here, Gunshot wound, first aid things, blood mention, raw meat mention. Vaginal sex, oral sex, rough sex, so much cum, size kink, squirting, anal play/ass eating, monster fucking.
Shifter
SNAFU
Frankie series by @theywhowriteandknowthings
You’ve done this thousands of times, brought new teams to heel, be it in Britain, Japan, Korea, yet the States are always the hardest to wrangle, the mixture of over-hyped masculinity, the general military bravado, whatever it was, you always ran into trouble. But nothing has ever come close to the new Shifter Charlie Team, and boy, are you in for the biggest challenge of your life.
Canon-Typical Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Shifter AU, Eventual Smut, Eventual Romance, eventual Frankie x reader, former Jason x Reader, Smut, Fluff and Smut, Military, Porn With Plot, Slow Burn, Pack Dynamics, Pack Cuddles, Pack Building, Strong Female Characters, strong female lead
Alien
Kudzu
Ezra one shot by @beskarberry
a familiar stranger shows up at the doorstep of your infirmary with unfamiliar wounds. You're no doctor, but masquerading as one makes you the only one in the position to save his life. Can you win out against his extraterrestrial illness, or will his new abilities stake a claim in you as well?
NON-CON/DUB-CON, human/alien hybridization, forced breeding/impregnation/birth, rough/feral sex, sex pollen, body worship, cervix penetration, cum inflation, knotting, a wisp of a/b/o. Nonsexual: wound care and dressing, hurt/comfort, a little whumpish, shootouts, blood, dumb jokes, cheesy ending
Jizz Fingers
various boys series by @gasolinerainbowpuddles
An intergalactic creampie love story.
Smut, alternate universe, aliens, crack fic, penetrative vaginal sex, creampie
Mermaid
Rises the Moon
Joel one shot by @psychedelic-ink
As the man responsible for operating the lighthouse, Joel lives a solitary life on the isolated coast. He has no complaints, enjoying the hauntingly beautiful songs that echo from the sea at night. One stormy night, he rescues a mysterious mermaid tangled in a fishing net. As you recover in the lighthouse, the two form an unlikely bond and find comfort in each other's company.
mention of joel from time to time visiting a brothel, loneliness, mermaid anatomy things, oral (fem receiving), piv, touch starved!joel and reader, mild breeding kink, squirting
Vampire
Sated
Joel one shot by @softlyspector
Joel just wants you to eat well
love as being consumed, blood drinking, smut from start to finish (piv, f!receiving oral, fingering), Joel's praise kink, talk of eating, consuming, drinking, hunger, etc, vampires you get it.
Attraction Spell
Joel one shot by @jksprincess10
Vampire Joel finds witchy reader in her shop asks her for a love spell
DDDNE, noncon/dubcon, stalking, blood play, using blood as lube, ambiguous ending, unprotected p in v, fingering, praise kink, choking, pain kink, rough sex, minimal editing.
Bleed for me
Din series by @saradika
When it's revealed that the Mand'alor is seeking a companion, you find yourself among those hoping to be chosen. A life of luxury in exchange for your blood seems a fair trade - even if you're hiding a closely-kept secret. One that would certainly put your life in danger.
vampires, alternate universe, canon divergence, blood/drinking blood, shared memories, angst, death/violence, biting, body worship, possessive!pleasure!dom!din, implied aphrodisiacs, mind meld, praise kink, oral, piv, marking
The Special One
Joel one shot by @toxicanonymity
You meet a handsome stranger on a night out with friends. The last thing you're expecting is to be chained up in his basement.
Smut, age gap, alcohol, drugging and kidnapping, chains/restraints, blood and its consumption, oral sex (female receiving), period cunnilingus, dubcon, held in captivity, reader can menstruate, male masturbation, vampire!Joel, alternate universe, dark!Joel
Vampire!Dieter
Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted
Interview with a vampire, gatsby style
flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter, unbeta-ed because i needed to write something or someone was going to die
vamp but it's you
Everyone at this party's a vampire
Dieter one shot by @idolatrybarbie
"you look so pretty like this."
briefly discussed necrophilia, innuendo, heavy petting
Sanguine
Ezra one shot by @marisferasiop
since being turned as a boy into- whatever liminal state of cryptid he is now- Ezra has walked this earth ageless and alone, never finding his place or a partner for long. He interrupts your meal in the city one evening, and brings you home to strike up a deal; feed from him, alone, and keep one another safe from discovery. The fact that he finds his purpose under the soft graze of your teeth and home between your thighs is a nice side effect.
lots of blood, smut, soft yearning sweet boy Ezra, mapuche mythology and monsters, schmoop. Ezra is a subby little sap in this.
vamp but it's everyone
a court of fangs and foxgloves
Oberyn/Max P one shot @psychedelic-ink
After you left the court and hence Oberyn, no one is eager to forgive you for your betrayal. Especially those closest to you.
Smut, MMF threesome/orgy, voyeurism, mlm dynamics, Dom/sub dynamics, sub!Max, switch!reader, dom!Oberyn, rimming, ass play, anal sex, penetrative vaginal sex, biting, mentions of blood, vampirism
I Bite Back
One shot by me
Max Phillips is seemingly always in command, always domineering, always on top… except when he’s with you.
Dom!Reader, Bratty Sub!Max, pegging… duh. This is technically monsterfucking also lmao. Aftercare is implied because I'm implying it here, I didn't write that in. Oh also vamp!reader if you want but I don't really make that explicit
Red Right Hand
one shot by me
You and Max have dinner and then you get freaky. It’s almost too much for poor little Maxxie to handle.
Pure porn, pwp, Blood drinking (they’re both vampires), minor character death (your victim lol), murder… obviously. sub!Max, Dom!reader, unprotected PiV (they’re vampires, you are not), uhhh blasphemy probably, face riding, cum eating, Max’s vamp face, oral m! and f!receiving, overstimulation m!receiving, multiple male orgasms, refractory period nonexistent due to vampire fuckery, ass play m!receiving, praise kink, use of pet names/titles (Mistress for reader/ baby boy, pet, Maxxie, and one surprise for Max), aftercare, no use of y/n.
Only Lovers Left Alive
Joel Series by @atinylittlepain
He offers her another option between life and death. How could she refuse?
Smut, dubcon, gore, blood and bloodplay, dark themes, cowboy!vampire!Joel, set in the past, alternate universe
vamp but it's max phillips
With Cherries on Top
series by @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa
After countless late nights and giving up important things in your life for a job and a man that refuses to promote you, your family begs you to quit when you break it to them that you have to miss your grandmother’s 85th birthday. Max Phillips may have left the country an American citizen but he came back an undead vampire, meaning his status in the States is no longer valid. In order to not get deported to Romania, he tells immigration that the two of you are getting married and he strikes a deal to make it worth your while.
Smut, language, adult themes, sexual innuendos, workplace harassment, family issues, angst, hurt/comfort, manipulation
A Little Lipstick Never Hurts
Reader/Max/Dieter series by @max--phillips
Max tries to skip his morning inspection, but gets caught breaking one of the rules you set for him anyway. A punishment is in order. / Max realizes a fantasy, and you enlist Dieter Bravo to help you deliver. / You receive a very hot video from your boyfriends while you are at work. The making of said video requires Max to break some rules you'd previously set out for him. He and Dieter make it up to you very easily.
Forced Feminization, but it's consensual, Femdom, Chastity Device 24/7, D/s dynamic, Sex Toys, BDSM, reader referred to as Mistress and Ma'am, Impact Play, Riding Crop, Bondage, Anal Fingering, Pegging, Butt Plugs, Degradation, Deepthroating, face fucking, gagging, spit, ruined orgasm, Nipple Clamps, Cum Play, Cum Eating, Oral Sex, Aftercare, there is NO misgendering, Max's ass does get referred to as his pussy and his dick his clit, but that's as far as that goes, MMF, threesome, PIV, double penetration, cock cages, ball gag, choking, max is a vampire, blow jobs, sex tapes, cum swapping, rule negotiations, fluff
Reflective
series by @prolix-yuy
His management style is effective AND refreshing. And as his executive assistant, you’re partially to thank. But as your professional relationship blurs, are you getting too close to the middle manager monster of nightmares?
horror elements and themes, graphic descriptions of blood including drinking, background character un-death, violence, fingering (f-receiving), vomiting (not descriptive), descriptions of a panic attack, a dabble of sleazy coworkers, playing fast and loose with vampire lore. mirror shenanigans, fingering (f-receiving), oral sex (f-receiving), PiV sex (don’t be a fool wrap your tool), playing fast and loose with vampire lore.
Lust for a vampire
one shot by @idolatrybarbie
A lot of oddballs and strange characters visit a vampire strip club in a tourist town on the border. Max Phillips is unlike any of them.
Smut, mentioned drug use, background sex work, dubcon, supernatural stalking, blood, pussy slapping, orgasm denial, spit, physical altercation, vaginal fingering, pet names (sweet thing, honey, sweetheart)
The Impaler
Tim Rockford/Max/Reader one shot by @kiwisbell
Chief Detective Tim Rockford makes a breakthrough in New York City’s latest serial killer case. The mysterious culprit is in the mood to share more than information.
vampires, gothic architecture, slightly dubious consent, implied mind alteration/control, murder, death, blood, threesome, lots of biting, spanking, spitroasting, masturbation, DVP, fingering, unprotected PIV (wrap ur vampire dicks pls), wife sharing, free use kink, oral sex (f and m receiving), exchanging fluids, spitting, disgusting and filthy, max using cringey nicknames for reader’s pussy but it’s charming bc it’s max, handcuffs, light bondage, hair pulling
I cannot get you close enough
one shot by @leslie-lyman
“You have to invite me in, sweetheart.” Oh. Right. Vampire. “Come in, please,” you say demurely, and Max’s smile widens as he steps over the threshold into your apartment. He reaches for you again immediately, kicking your door closed and pulling you close. “Good girl,” he murmurs. “Such a polite little Omega.”
A/B/O dynamics; one small scene of men being creepy and threatening towards reader (but, perhaps surprisingly, one of those men is not Max); extremely self-indulgent Halloween costumes on the part of your author; a bit of angst; fEeLiNgS; absolutely way too much plot and character backstory for what was supposed to just be porn; Alpha!Max is his own warning; heat sex; biting; blood-drinking; breeding kink; many, many creampies; Max has an absolutely filthy mouth; look, it’s heat sex with Max, it probably (hopefully?) entails exactly what you think it does
All Mouth
one shot by @idolatrybarbie
max phillips and prompt no. nine— "you look so pretty like this." with a twist!
reader is not American/not an "American vampire", porn with mild plot, pet names (honey, baby, sweetie, Maxxie), all the usual vampire genre warnings, including but not limited to - graphic blood and gore, cannibalism, mention of scars, horror themes, love as consumption, smut - mommy kink, degradation (max gets called a slut), cock slapping, dacryphilia, orgasm denial, handjob, alcohol mention, fluff.
Happy Reading!
#i meant to set this to post on my birthday oops#fic recs#the spreadsheet digest#fanfiction recommendations#pedro pascal#pedro pascal character fanfiction#ppcu fanfiction#pedro pascal fanfiction#the spreadsheet outtakes#the spreadsheet digest outtakes#outtakes#monsterfucking
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I don’t think I could myself Spreadsheet Competitively but I definitely have worked with people who could.
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mercury into virgo
mercury loves to be in virgo so as long as our digestion (of food and of feelings) is in order, this is an auspicious period. do your budgets, spreadsheets, and other sundry virgoan activities at this time
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Texts
CW: Innuendo/Suggestive Language; Alcohol
A/N: The way that not one of my damn micro-prompts have ended up being actually micro. @dkc2017
AO3 Link [The AO3 version is a little diff. from this one! I added some more to end!!]
—
It’s become somewhat of a Sunday tradition with them—Ava and Melissa skipping church to watch football together. They’re both sure that the good Lord will forgive them. Ecclesiastes does say that there’s a time and season for everything after all…
(“Damn straight that football season counts,” Ava had justified with a positively mischievous smirk.)
(“Hell yeah,” Melissa had agreed, her own resounding laugh clearly up to no good.)
It all started after they had unsuccessfully tried to foil Mr. J’s fantasy football team and realized that they stood a better chance of beating his ass if they teamed up and worked on their spreadsheets during game days. Sitting side-by-side on Melissa’s plastic-wrapped couch, they’re currently watching the Dolphins because Melissa has Tua Tagovailoa as her team’s quarterback, while Ava has Jaylen Waddle as one of her wide receivers.
“Ugh,” Ava groans as Waddle misses what should have been a fairly easy catch, slipping on the sleet-slicked turf. “We ain’t ever gonna whoop him if our boys keep playin’ like this.”
“You’re preachin’ to the choir,” Melissa snorts, and just as she reaches forward to grab her beer from the coffee table, her phone—which had been snugly nestled between her thighs—suddenly chimes once and then twice.
Two texts.
She leans back again and scoops it up—squinting at oversized font—and sees that they’re both from Barbara, asking if she wants to go on a double date with her and Gerald to see the new Avatar movie later this evening…
You and I can even share a popcorn this time, she tempts with the second text. We’ll add all the blessed butter that we want to.
Even as she’s digesting these tantalizing words, three dots bounce on her screen for only a few seconds before another white speech bubble appears with an elegant swoop.
Please?
Melissa frowns slightly at the implicit desperation, doesn’t know what to make of it, scared to read too much into it, even more afraid to ignore it if this is all she ever gets.
With Barbara.
Her best friend.
Scraps and dregs on the margins of her happy, heterosexual marriage. She’s learned to be resigned—if not content—to the crucial fact, a lifelong expert in the intertwined practices of abnegation and self-sacrifice. The eldest of six children in a Catholic household, the third parent in the room in so many ways, nothing has ever wholly belonged to her that she didn’t have to eventually share.
Clothes.
Toys.
Food.
Their parents’ six ways unevenly divided love.
All of it has prepared her for what her life has come to now, subsisting on stolen moments with Barbara Howard as though scavenging is a meaningful way to exist.
Hence, another double date.
Her, Barbara, Gerald, and Gary.
The two men get along well when they all go out, continually joshing about the cars they want to own some day... while she and Barbara are usually off in their own little world, carving out a sanctified space for themselves wherever they’re at, be it a restaurant, a movie theater, or a football game.
As always.
As is their norm.
Even though Barbara will hold her husband’s hand, and Melissa will dispassionately fuck Gary later, maybe in the forgiving darkness of the movie theater, the two women will accidentally brush shoulders.
On paper, it seems like a good enough way to spend her night.
In reality—
“Girl, don’t tell me you’re still seein’ that crusty ass vending machine guy,” Ava says, having apparently been peeking over her shoulder for the last few seconds. Melissa, caught off guard by the unexpected intrusion into her personal space, startles violently, accidentally elbowing Ava in the side.
“Damn!” She hisses in pain, pouting, poking her lower lip out, dramatically rubbing the afflicted area. “Cool it, Rambo. I was just teasin’…”
“Not funny,” Melissa grunts unapologetically, crossing her arms over her chest. She suddenly feels exposed, out in the open, laid bare, like her texts with Barbara are as intimate as a diary and Ava is rifling through the pages. “And his name is Gary.”
“He looks like a Gary.”
“That sounds like an insult.” Melissa glares at her suspiciously. She supposes she should probably refute the idea of him being crusty ass, but an immediate defense eludes her.
Gary.
He’s a sweet guy, a good man…
… but he ain’t exactly gonna win awards for bein’ Romeo.
There are vibrators more romantic than him.
And far less crude.
“That’s ‘cuz it is,” Ava chuckles, clearly finding all of this amusing, but there’s something in the twinkling depths of her eyes that disconcerts the second-grade teacher—something keen and entirely knowing. She shifts uncomfortably where she sits, making the plastic beneath her squeak.
“Speaking of Barb…” The principal begins, tilting her head towards the still-lit up phone in Melissa’s hand.
She hastily clicks it off, even though she knows the gesture is futile.
The other woman has already seen.
“It sure is somethin’ that she can’t go out with her hubby unless you’re taggin’ along,” she muses shrewdly as color painfully floods Melissa’s cheeks.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” she huffs, stubbornly returning her gaze to the TV. A stupid commercial for Valentine’s Day jewelry is playing.
Every kiss begins with Kay.
“She’s beggin’ you,” Ava goes on, undeterred, so stubborn when she digs in, when she cares. It would be endearing if it wasn’t so presently annoying. “And you know, our Mrs. Barbara Howard, proud, married woman of God, never begs.”
“She’s just lonely,” Melissa says automatically, and she could slap herself.
She flinches.
That’s precisely the part that she’s not supposed to fucking say out loud, and Ava jumps on the mistake readily, not missing a beat.
“She’s got a whole goddamn husband,” she shakes her head, and the thoughtfulness in the younger woman’s voice takes Melissa by surprise. She glances over and is horrified to see that her expression is a strange mixture of pity and understanding.
Ava gets it.
Melissa clenches the darkened phone in her hand and her heavy, aching teeth, successfully suffocating the next words on her tongue.
Even still.
Barbara is lonely.
She’s got a whole goddamn husband.
Even still.
#work wives#barbara howard#melissa schemmenti#ava coleman#reginianwrites#s: abbott elementary#i'll edit and post on ao3 later!!#but i loved playing with this one#it's been fun working with ava's voice more
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My favorite genre of fic is ones that are really really really good and you want to recommend it to people, however to get the full experience you need to annotate each passage and keep track of symbolism and themes with a spreadsheet and for best measure reread it three times to fully understand the significance of the foreshadowing and how the curtains are blue makes the story 10x more emotionally impactful. And since most people don’t care about fic if it isn’t a 2k oneshot with popular and easily digestible fandom trope, you can only rec it to someone with the same mental illness you have .
#snappy speaks#I love fics that are creative monuments to the art of storytelling#I leave comments hundreds of words long on them because I have so much to say about them
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i did brown puzzlehunt 2024 (link!) with members of test solution bees ignore! the automated tools in their spreadsheet template kept pushing my pre-hunt drawing backward so that people couldn't see it upon opening our sheet
(full disclosure, this was referenced from another artist's work - can't take full credit for it)
bph24 was a really wide hunt with lots of small rounds, featuring tons of top-notch art and non-static presentation. i liked it a lot! it just wasn't really a single-weekend sort of hunt, so our team of 4 didn't finish before the event ended lol
solutions won't be available for a bit, so i'll non-spoiler-ily list off some stuff that i really liked and would recommend checking out:
I might be biased because it was the only one from the round that actually worked well during the hunt (their website had load issues), but letter troxd was fun and simple: https://www.brownpuzzlehunt.com/puzzle/lettertroxd if you're reading this soon after i posted it, the website might not work without a login, sorry!
there was a short story murder mystery puzzle called the god of the labyrinth which was cool! i think this is a currently underexplored puzzle hunt genre, so i like seeing more of them, although it's always a time investment to read and digest one. this is accessible as a pdf here: https://www.flipbookpdf.net/web/files/uploads/f465b8d06c51eb130b2b8bfdd04181797ff97bb8202404.pdf
instagram was a pretty nice puzzle also, although it takes a keen eye (and having a working instagram account) to spot all of the relevant details on the page. the puzzle is entirely contained in this account page: https://www.instagram.com/ray.of.sunshine1997/
and the last one i'll mention is committing financial crimes, a konundrum where you fill out a really stupid irs form. as usual i willingly subjected myself to this and it was definitely cursed. the whole thing is accessible from this drive link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GRNNzrWRSzcuVzHmZsA_ZMD3gDlvGNZI/view i think they manually verified our solution to this?
i had a lot of fun! super props to the puzzle club at brown university for putting this on. no rest for the weary though because cmu is next :)
(oh, and i also assume the data meta is actually quite cool - but we haven't finished it yet so i can't say for sure that it all holds up to scrutiny. here's hoping though)
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