what’s really embarrassing is my roommate on the phone with his mom saying “yeah i’ve been getting really sloppy i haven’t cleaned in a week it’s terrible” and my side of the room is just like that. all of the time. and i feel guilty but he also hasn’t ever said anything to my face he moved my stuff some at the beginning of the year but has never talked to me about it and i’m also so fucking ill that i just cant really handle adding that to my list while trying to also not fail school. so here i am being a terrible person i guess. did i tell you guys about turtle-person. have i showed my bracelets. i’m gonna go to sleep but in the morning i need to show my bracelets

*Busts in with a plastic bag of crack* You want some crack, kids? I’ll give it to ya! 🥸 So Y/N forgot where she placed her phone at and her crush decides to call her phone to help hear the ringtone so she can find it better. However, Y/N forgot that she uses funny ass ringtones for said crush and even has funny contact pics/names for them in her phone. Said songs are “Something about you girl” by Ice JJ Fish, “Wap” but with Carl Wheezer’s voice, “Interior Crocodile Alligator”, and the NFL theme song. I would love to see head cannons of this for Hawks, Dabi, Aizawa and Bakugo.

“Something about you girl” - Hawks. He’s saved as “KFC” and his contact pic is of him making the light skin face that sent y/n to orbit (he thought she deleted it cuz it’s cringy)

“Wap” - Dabi. He’s saved as “Patchy the Pirate” and his pic is a blurred image of him chasing Y/N.

“Interior crocodile alligator” - Aizawa. He’s saved as “Dad of 20” and his pic is of him laying face first in his sleeping bag

“NFL Theme song” - Bakugo. He’s “Boom Boom Pomeranian” and his pic is of a Pomeranian with his hair photoshopped on it.

I know they’ll give some funny reactions! They’ll look at sis confused and she’ll just go “See about that...” and book it when she takes her phone. This idea had me busting my pancreas 💀💀💀

Bruh I- 💀 I’m literally hearin these damn audios as I’m reading this ask, I’m rolling. This is the best 😂

— 3. 2. 1. ACTION!! —

HEADCANON: Y/N loses her phone and forgets that she saved crack-fuelled pictures and ringtones assigned to her crush.

KEIGO TAKAMI [HAWKS]:

You were losing your fucking mind at this point.

Where the fuck could you have misplaced your cellphone?? You had to meet your homegirls at the club for girls night, PRONTO!!

Keigo raised a brow as he walked in on you basically tearing apart your living room for your phone, almost crying from frustration. “Whoa, kid. Ya lose something?” He had the nerve to ask when it was clearly the case.

Sure, there was a whole lotta things to love about this bird-man, but that smartass attitude was gonna get slapped outta him.

���dId yOu lOsE sOmeThInG- YES FOOL MY DAYUM PHONE!!” You huff, throwing another couch cushion on the floor before you fell to the floor in exhaustion. “I got to meet the girls for girls night in twenty minutes, and I can’t find my phone!” You briefly explain.

You heard him chuckle, pulling out his own phone. “Okay, okay, calm down, kid. It ain’t the end of the world, y’know. I’ll just call it and we’ll listen out for the ringtone.” He says, scrolling for a bit before finding your contact, pressing the call button and..

That’s when y’all heard it.

“THERE’S SOMETHIN’ ABOUTCHA GURLL! THAT JUST MAKES MY HEAD WANNA TWIRL!!”

Your ringtone went off under the couch, making Keigo look at you with the most confused face ever, his wings puffing up as he looked at you, yet you couldn’t stop laughing as he used one of his feathers to drag the phone from under the couch.

“What the hell, kid?? I though you deleted this cringey ass selfie!” He whined, looking at the contact photo of him making that dumbass lightskin face that had you howling the other day. “And what the hell is this ringtone?? AND YOU SAVED ME AS KFC??”

“BRUH I CAN’T BREATHE SHUT UPP—“ You screech as you curl up, tears pricking your eyes as you roll on the floor. Keigo couldn’t help but snicker, rolling his eyes at you as he got you off the floor, “Okay, you got some explaining to do.”

“Well, you see, what had happened was-“ You begin, trying to hold back your laughter before snatching your phone and purse, running out of the door. “I’ll see you later, KFC!! I’m running late!”

DABI:

“Aw, damn! Where in the entire hell did I put my phone??” You groaned.

Of course, this wasn’t the first time you lost your phone and you swore it would’ve been the last. But, you were so caught up on multitasking with so much shit you wanted to get out of the way, you completely forgot about your phone.

You sighed as you now have to tear apart the lounge that you JUST straightened up, making this much worse than it had to be.

“Hey, little mouse. What’s with all the whining and hollering for?”

“I can’t find my phone, I’ve been all up in y’all raggedy-ass lair lookin’ for my shit so I can bounce!” You say with an eye roll as you placed your hands on your hips, clearly not in the mood for the bullshit right now.

“Okay, calm down. It’s just a phone, I can just call it and you can listen out for the ringtone.” He said with a sigh as he brought out his phone, dialing your number and waiting for the tone to play. The two of you went from room to room, getting more anxious everytime the phone went to voicemail. You were visibly going to cry, there was no way that you could’ve left your phone anywhere that WASN’T in the LOV Lair.

“I swear, if you start crying, I won’t let you live it down.” You hear Dabi mumble to you as you both entered the last room, dialing your number one last time until...

“NYEOW FROM THE TOP, MAKE IT DROP, THAT’S A WHAP. BRING A BUCKET AND A MOP, THAT’S WHAP”

Your phone was jamming out on a chair, Dabi looking at you like you just committed a grave sin while the ringtone played. The longer he stared at you, wanting an explanation, you can’t help but burst into laughter as you crawl to your phone, and let the tone finish.

You just hoped that your crush was still going to hang out with you after this crackhead mishap.

“MACARONI IN A POT, THAT’S A WHAP. JIMMYY”

Dabi was literally at a loss for words, (lookin’ a lil like confused bakugou rn 👀) as you wheezed in laughter. “[Y/N]... what in the fuck was that?” He asked, you can tell he was serious from how low and menacing your name was said. You were either about to run for your life or die laughing.

“And why the fuck is my name, “Patchy The Pirate”? And what the hell is this photo?” He asked again. Man, was it getting hot in there or was it just you?

“Well, you see here, uh- MOINK!” You shout, howling in laughter as you were chased around the building. Kurogiri shaking his head in disappointment.

SHŌTA AIZAWA (DADDY. ERASERHEAD):

“Oh no.”

“Oh, no...”

“Oh, no no no no no..”

This cannot be happening, this CANNOT be happening right now. Lord have mercy, please let today not be the day.

“Goddamn it, where’s my phone?!”

Yep, your phone. Your new phone that Shōta got for your birthday, who you also had a huge crush on but would never tell that to ANYONE. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t lose this phone, it was definitely the most precious thing ever.

“Fuuuuck!” You whined, already on the verge of panicking while your tore apart your room for that birthday gift. “Hey, what’s all this racket for? I’m trying to sleep.” said your friend, roommate, and crush, Shōta.

“I-I’m just lookin’ for somethin’, Shō! Sorry for all this noise..” you mumbled an apology as you continued your search, swinging your arm around underneath the bed.

“You lost your phone, didn’t you, [Y/N]?”

DAMN, he catches on quick for somebody who sleeps 25/8. Maybe it’s because you don’t really have trouble looking for stuff unless it’s something really important to you.

You sighed, the embarrassment and disappointment washing over you as you laid in defeat on the floor. “Yeah.. I can’t find it..” you mumbled.

The older man sighed, cracking his neck as he got out his phone. “Okay, just calm down. I’ll call it and we’ll just listen out for your ringtone, okay? If we can’t hear it, we’ll track it.”

God, why was he so hot when he took responsibility? You couldn’t help but sit up and nod at his words as he scrolled through his contacts until he found your name, confirming the call until..

“INTERIOR CROCODILE ALLIGATOR. I DRIVE A CHEVROLET MOVIE THEATER.”

Your phone blasted the same line over and over, as hard as you tried to contain it, you couldn’t help but screech in laughter when you looked up to see Shōta’s disturbed, confused, and concerned face as he picked up your phone from underneath your dresser.

“”Dad of 20”?? What the hell type of name is that?” He asked, the iconic sleeping bag worm as his contact photo. The joke behind it was the fact that he was a whole teacher at U.A. You always thought it was cute that he was basically a father figure to those future heroes.

Plus, you wouldn’t stop joking about them being his, “lil chilrens”.

“Aight, aight. I wanna thank you for finding my phone, I promise not to lose it again!” You quickly say, trying to creep out of the room until you were confined with his capture weapon.

“I’m not done with you yet.”

Fuck..

KATSUKI BAKUGOU:

“Hey, dumbass! Hurry up, or we’ll miss the movie!”

Damn, damn, damn!! You can’t believe you just lost your phone right now, you could’ve sworn you left it on your bed before you started fixing your hair in the bathroom.

“Shit, shit! Bakugou, can you help me find my phone real quick? Pretty please?” You call out to him, really anxious because you were really looking forward to this movie and you could not miss a second of it!

“Ugh, are you serious?? What did I tell you about keeping up with your shit!” He groaned, getting out his phone as he dialed your number and listened to the trill.

“I know, I know! I promise I’ll be more careful!” You say as you listened out for it, only to pull aside your blankets to see your vibrating phone with the ringtone on blast.

Oh yes, the NFL Theme. What made you lose your shit was Bakugou’s flabbergasted facial expression as he looked down at your contact photo and nickname for him.

You couldn’t help but cackle as you saw a vein pop out, popping hands reaching out for you. “Hey! What the fuck is this shit?? Imma show you a pomeranian!” He shouted.

“Katsu! Katsu! Relaaaxx!! You know you’re my bestie and I love you, but we got a movie to catch so let’s do this later fam.” You snicker, trying to calm yourself down as you yoinked your phone and took off out the door with your purse.

“OH, JUST WAIT UNTIL WE GET BACK HOME!”

— END SCENE —

Sorry that Bakugou’s was kinda short! But, hope you enjoyed these!

levi... and his animal crossing

↦ pairing(s): levi x reader

↦ word count: 1.2k

↦ anon request: 

↦ genre(s): modern AU ♡

↦ author’s note(s): my first AU fic! the way i have no slightest clue how animal crossing works because i only played it once on my phone and erased right after, still pretty happy how it turned out! anyway, my animal crossing players and readers, enjoy !!!

ps. also made them roommates teehee AND THE WAY I SUCK AT TITLES SORRY

╍╍╍╍╍╍╍╍╍╍╍

Levi’s got the day off. 

Finally, he thought. 

He has finished his workout, took a long shower, cleaned their apartment, cooked for their lunch, checked the mail, paid their bills, and everything is finished in his day-off agenda. Levi sat back down on the sofa, crossing his legs, as he placed an ice cold tea to beat the summer weather on the coffee table. The television is playing idly in the background as he opened his Switch to play his new hobby: Animal Crossing. 

He took a long drink of his iced tea while he waits for his game to open, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, widely staring into the absolute mess his island is. He can’t believe this. He doesn’t want to believe this. Now, he knows he likes to clean, it keeps his mind off of things, and what’s bad with wanting everything to be orderly? But he just couldn’t believe this. 

The island is a mess. 

The island which he’s spent a lot of time and effort, and money is a mess. He closed his eyes in irritation, exactly know who caused this. He padded heavy steps towards his phone inside his room and flipped through his favorite contacts, and quickly dialed you.

“You better answer,” he lowly said, marching back to the sofa. There are so many things he wants to do on the island, taking a quick peek on it. 

Even Isabelle on the screen is starting to bother him. How dare she say ‘That too many items are lying around, cluttering up the island?’ Levi is literally offended. 

He scoffed as you didn’t pick up, and called you again. “Pick up,” he muttered, taking a sip of his iced tea to ease the pain of having a lower rating. 

“Hey,” your voice beamed through his phone, “I just got out of a meeting. What’s up?” 

“The island is a mess.” Levi deadpanned. 

“The island is a … mess?” You repeated, stopping in your tracks to go back to your office. Your officemates walked, avoiding you as they carry on their work. 

“Yes,” he answered. 

“You called me to tell me that the island is a mess?” 

“How many times do I have to repeat it?” 

“Are you serious, Levi?” You huffed, walking back to your office cubicle. You sat down lowly to not have your boss see you on the phone. “I’m at work!”

“I’m serious,” he answered, rolling his eyes at you. 

“It’s a game!” 

“And our hotel’s rating is down!” Levi complained, holding his switch on his other hand as he moved the cursor avoiding Isabelle with her bubble chat. Not today, he thought. 

“Oh shit,” you gasped, looking around your bag for your switch. “That’s bad.” 

“No shit,” Levi deadpanned, turning off of his switch. 

“Well, I’ll fix it-.” 

“No, I’ll fix it.” 

“Levi, the last time you fixed our island, you left a couch and two chairs as our outdoor furniture. Why did I even buy potted plants if they’re going to collect dust in our inventory?” 

Levi quietly groaned on the phone, “Fine. What time do you get off?” 

“In a few minutes.” 

“Okay,” he puffed, busying himself with the television now, “Drive safe.” 

You smiled through the phone, packing up your things quietly as everybody in your office did. “What’s for lunch?” 

“Pasta,” he answered, walking towards the kitchen, as he balanced his phone between his shoulder and ear. He mixed the sauce, and chopped the garnishes while he heard you start your car. “Drive safe. I’ll see you in ten.” 

Levi waited for you to drop the call. He went to plug his phone again in his bedroom to charge as he fixed your lunch. He grabbed two plates and forks,  and placed it on the living room. He grabbed two glasses and the potholder on the table. He got bored after waiting for you so he toasted some bread and spread cream cheese on yours while he had it with butter. 

He heard the door opened as he was applying your cream cheese. He listened to you groan, dropping your bag on the sofa. 

“Honey! I’m home!” You joked, taking off your shoes and wearing the Christmas present you got from Levi. A pair of cute dragon slippers, since he hated you for walking around the apartment with your shoes on. You slipped through the sofa, and grabbed his watered down tea, venturing to the kitchen. “Is that for me?” 

“Tch,” he said, giving the bread over to you. He grabbed the pan with one hand as he walked over to the coffee table where you’d have your lunch with him. He felt you follow him meekly, leaving crumbs from your toast everywhere. He watched you flop down on the sofa with the toast on your mouth, as you rambled inside your bag for your own switch. “Check the island, you brat.” 

“Oh! Isabelle, how dare you,” you gasped, squinting at the character on your switch. “Look we have a visitor!” 

“Who?” Levi demanded, moving closer to you, grabbing your switch to let him see. 

“Kidding,” you chuckled, winking at him. He sighed annoyingly as he grabbed your plate to set pasta on it. You thanked him for it, while he just turned away, annoyance clear on his face. “Thank you.” 

Levi handed you a fork, as he turned on his switch, resting beside you. Out of habit, he crossed his legs and spread his arm over the sofa right behind your head. He looked through the island with the cursor, mentally noting to take that hideous, old telescope out that is beside the BBQ grill which is beside a wooden chair for no reason. From the corner of his eye, he saw that you were eating your lunch quietly, staring at the television with the plate under your chin. You turned to meet him, giving him a thumbs up and big smile. Levi instinctively wiped the cream off of your lips, then wiping it on his shirt. 

He shook his head, as you made kissy faces at him. You were always pulling this shit up with him, that it’s almost he knew you were going to react exactly like that. Teasing him whenever you can. He pulled his arm behind your head to fix him a plate. 

Levi pointed his fork at you, as you chuckled in delight. It’s always so nice to make Levi blush even for a minute. He turned quick serious, shifting in his seat to look at you. He watched you eat, looking at him with curious eyes as he began speaking his plans. “First of all, let’s get rid of that ugly telescope. Who thought of putting a chair beside the grill-“

“It’s for when somebody wants to visit and grill. They can rest-,” you shut your mouth after that as Levi counted his reasons with an impassive look and a deadpanned voice. 

This is the type of Levi that would make you shut it, because he looks scary. It’s even insane when you think this is all for a game. You took his fork out of his hand he as continuously used it to point out his reasons, and he absentmindedly gave it to you without breaking eye contact. Levi continued to ramble, putting his arm back behind your head, and you shyly smiled at how it all came too naturally for him. 

“It’ll burn them. Making them smell like BBQ itself. Also, explain to me why there’s a carpet on a patch of grass? That awful green iron set? Can’t we get a sofa or like beach chairs? The easel? Why is it placed beside a big candle…”

Survey #410

“oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime for the drink that i’ma buy her, do you know just what she likes?

Do you put candy canes on your Christmas tree? Ye. Have you ever written/drawn/painted random stuff on your bedroom wall? No. What do you currently hear? A slowed w/ reverb version of "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears. Yes, I have a serious thing for these edits of childhood songs, ha ha. Actually, no shame, I still love Britney lmao. What's your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you like bagels? Yep. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? I ain't having any of those, so I don't have to worry about that. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? At a zoo, yes. Are you any good at HTML? Noooo. When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Recently, because I'm awful about downloading things illegally. What was the last thing you downloaded on your computer? A picture. Do you ever cry just to get your way? Hi, I'm 25. I at least have SOME adult traits. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yes. What's the most boring sport to watch? The only sport I enjoy watching is dance, so. I think golf has to take the cake for the absolute worst, though. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? UGH I just love lip rings on anybody. Do you have good or bad vision? Literally awful. Have you ever parked in a handicapped spot when you weren't supposed to? Hell no. That is so fucking inconsiderate and lazy. Have you ever been to a different country? No. When was the last time you finger-painted? Nooo idea. Probably not since I was a little kid. Do you say car-mel or car-A-mel? "Care-uh-mel." When you get out of the shower, do you use one or two towels? One. Are you uncomfortable with changing clothes in front of others? Absolutely yes. Hell, I don't think I ever really changed in front of Jason back in the day, so that says something about how self-conscious I was with a FIT body. Never mind this catastrophe I own now. Which is worse: Runny nose or stuffy nose? Both suck, but stuffy drives me absolutely INSANE. Who's been the most influential person in your life? My mom. Do you have any tan lines? Ha, yeah, no. How many different schools have you gone to? Six. Do you know how to slow dance? I mean, yes? It's not complicated. Have you ever taken The Impossible Quiz? (If not, you should Google it. :D) No, and I'll never waste my time doing that shit. I've watched people play and beat it, but it seems like such frustrating, pointless madness with zero rhyme or reason behind it. Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time? No. Who is the last person you were in a car with? Mom. In the next 6 months, what are you looking forward to most? Ummmm Christmas, maybe? That's always exciting. Is there anyone who hates you? Probably. Who were you with the last time you went out for food? Mom. If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Eh... I guess if it was for medicinal purposes, I would be okay with it. I'm not keen on dating a smoker of anything. Do you want to start over with anyone? Just Jason, at least sometimes. It'd be really, really nice if we could be friends again and just forget about who we were all those years ago, but I genuinely doubt my ability to be "just friends" with him. Even though I haven't spoken to this dude in over FOUR YEARS, and I'm sure he's changed a lot, just like I have. We might not even be compatible anymore. As much as I may want it, I think it's probably for the better we remain unassociated. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? It's what I eat first. Are you completely over your last relationship? Not "completely," no. I still love her, but I'm in a headspace of accepting that now is not the right time with unfit conditions. What hoodie did you wear last? My Pikachu one, which is the one I pretty much always wear. Do you listen to Incubus? Probably surprisingly, no. I don't know if I've even heard a song. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? More like always. Do you like the smell of Axe? If you don't use an obnoxious amount, yeah. What do you think of feminists? Absolutely necessary as pilots for change. HOWEVER, I do believe some can take the concept waaaay too far. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad, probably. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Oh my god, GUYS. It was my niece's birthday last month, and she did the CUTEST shit. She used to be very, very opposed to getting even slightly dirty (I mean like a speck of dirt on her would make her cry), and this kid decided to just C H O M P into her cupcake and get the frosting ALL over her face. She had two and got so messy, and that angel was just laughing hysterically about it. That girl is such a damn gift. Safe to say she was bouncing off the walls that night. Did you hug one of your parents today? No. Do you tan in the nude? I don't tan, period. Have you ever put a lot of thought and effort into a gift for somebody, only for them to act like it didn’t really matter to them? Oh god, no. That would really, really hurt, because I genuinely do try to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Do you follow the ‘five second rule’ when you drop food on the ground? NOOOOOOO. It's just a bullshit myth. I am NOT eating food that's been on the floor for a millisecond. If you had to describe yourself using a colour, which colour would you be? Maybe like... navy blue? Kinda dark and somber, but also has a calmness to it. Have you ever had to use another person’s toothbrush before? What were the circumstances? I WOULD FUCKING NEVER. Omg that is so gross. Have you ever crashed a car? No. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? I don't want kids, but if I did, absolutely surrounded by nature and animals. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yeah, I love it there. Damn, now I want some, lol. Have you ever seen a ghost? I sure as fuck saw something. As soon as you find out you are pregnant, who will you first tell? Who says I'm ever going to BE pregnant? 'Cuz it sure isn't in my plans. But hypothetically, the dad. Have you ever won a game of Minesweeper? Like ever? I've never played it. Who is your best guy friend(s)? Girt. I really should chat with him soon, it's been too long. If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? I'd keep it. Make me look more badass. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ What is your hair naturally like? Brown and kinda-sorta wavy. Have you ever stared at a stranger and they said something to you about it? No; I don't stare at people. Is your father very protective of you? I wouldn't say "very protective," no. What would you do if your hero died? ffffffUCK THIS QUESTION HOW ABOUT NO HE'S NOT ALLOWED THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL Where was your first date at with your current lover? I don't have one currently. Are you friendly in the morning, or are you barely awake? Depends on how much sleep I got, but I'm generally in my best mood in the morning. Did your parents force you to go to church? Mom did. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? It was the next book in the series I'm reading, Wings of Fire. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Hm. I dunno. Hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? Is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? I mean it would really depend on WHY I was breaking up with them, but I guess in most situations I'd try to meet them face-to-face and explain why I wanted to cut things off. I think it'd be important for them to hear my tone of voice, and I think physically meeting somewhere would show that I care enough for them to cut time out of my day to see them and try to hurt them as least as possible, given the situation. What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? DO NOT in even a minor way ridicule mental illness or belittle victims as "weak" or pull the "it's just in their head" bullshit. The misuse of the term "retard(ed)" also genuinely offends me. I wouldn't say I'm easy to offend, either. What was the last chore you completed? Changing my cat's litter. When was the last time someone saw you naked? It's been a loooong time, and it would've only been my mom when I was like, going into a shower or something. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? Probably Steve Irwin. I'd go on and on about how his family has carried his legacy so brilliantly, and show him aaaaaall the public pictures of Bindi and Grace, especially. God, that man would be so proud of them all. What is the greatest lost you’ve endured? My first "real" boyfriend. How would you describe your current mood? A mix of tired and anxious. I don't feel like going to bed yet, and the storm we've got passing through has me nervous about tornadoes 'n shit. Do you ever drink or get high alone? I've had some light drinks alone. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? I've never done any illicit drugs, and I don't want to. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? Probably that I've had a pilonidal cyst. It's awkward to explain, but I'll share it anyway if there's a good reason to/I'm asked or something. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? Her just being the most toxic, drama-filled person with the biggest victim complex of any human I've ever met. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? Mom, and my voice was raised. Where do you like to be kissed? This depends on how serious we are. Can go from just the cheek to a lot of places. Which season is your least favorite and why? Summer, because it's too goddamn hot and humid. Who, if anyone, do you compare yourself to most? Probably my little sister. She's on such a successful path, and then there's like... me lmao. Do you have a night-light in your bedroom? If so, what does it look like? No. What is your favorite breakfast food? How often do you get to eat it? Cinnamon rollssssss. I have 'em very rarely, though. I'll eat too many of them, which I definitely don't need. What is your favorite thing about autumn? What about your least favorite thing? AHHHHHH EVERYTHING. I love Halloween and the decorations that come with it, the changing leaves, the crisp air... just all of it. :') Who was the last person you asked for help? Mom, I'm sure.

hold me like a soldier - bucky x reader fic

PART TWO - JAMES

Pairing: bucky barnes x female reader

Excerpt:   “Anyway. I saw you sitting on your own, and I always sit on my own too, and I kind of hate it because this whole grad school thing has reduced my friendship circle to exactly zero, not including my new pot plant Hero, who is great but not very talkative, you know? She doesn’t have many opinions on Tolstoy’s use of the interior monologue in Anna Karenina. And also my roommate spends a lot of time examining corpses in the interest of science, so she’s not the most fun at the moment.”

Warnings: none

Taglist: @lunatictardis @cals-cigarette (reply or send me an ask to be added!)

You were under absolutely no impression that grad school was going to be easy. Yet, that being said, you’d never counted on it being this damn difficult either. Sure, the classes were more intense and more frequent, the deadlines already piling up and ready to leave you shaking like a village in a cyclone—but the classes you could deal with. You’re more than used to homework and Shakespeare is nowhere near as undecipherable as it was in high school, romance and comedy and tragedy now a wholly fluent language in your brain. No, what is difficult is how fucking lonely you are.

You’ve done the whole moving-to-college thing before, but that was back when you were eighteen and naïve and everyone in your dorm was in the same rocking boat, dropped in the middle of a city and on the hunt for (illegal) cheap beer. Now you’re older, arguably wiser and surrounded by hardworking mature students with exceptional career goals. Your roommate, Elise, is almost finished med school and has absolutely no interest in hunting down New York’s best bookstores with you. And the people on your course…they either have friends already, from their undergrad majors, or rush off the minute class is over. It leaves you aimlessly wandering the city on your own or cowered in the library, desperate for any—literally any—company other than your family, fuzzy and lagging over Skype conversations.

School is important. Probably the most important thing in your life, and you’ve worked really fucking hard to get here. But your sanity is important too. Spending another evening with a bottle of budget wine and Friends re-runs on Netflix while pretending to make notes for your medieval lit seminar is definitely not doing it any favours.

So—this is it, you decide. This is the day you bite the bullet. You will no longer be the loneliest girl in New York City, even if that means forcibly pinning someone to the wall of the literature faculty and making them get coffee with you.

(Not that you’d ever have the nerve to do that. Of course. Where does anyone even acquire that sheer level of confidence?)

Your morning starts in a building a fifteen minute walk from your apartment and the October air is unseasonably warm, sweat pooling in the small of your back where your rucksack dips. You make it to Russian lit with a few minutes to spare so you take your usual preferred seat a few rows away from the back of the hall, trailing to the middle. The faces that start to fill up the seats around you are recognisable, at least, but you know very few by name. A girl who is also in your Early Victorian Proto-Feminism class (Tessa, you think) smiles tightly at you, but decides not to sit next to you, preferring a seat nearer the front. As you get your laptop out in preparation for the lecture starting, another face catches your eye.

You don’t know his name, but you always notice him, whether it’s in class or in the library or the canteen near the activity centre. He always dresses smartly but in greys and blacks and blues, like he deliberately tries to evade attention. His dark hair is short but hangs a little in his eye-line, revealing an attractive face with a sharp jawline and sharper eyes. A ghost of facial hair shadows his chin and although you’ve never seen him smile, you can imagine it being the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Like the stars back home, the ones unaffected by artificial light, impossibly bright. You don’t get to see the stars like that in New York City. It’s like the skyscrapers have stolen them to burn.

He’s never acknowledged you before. Your stares go unseen, thankfully, because there’s nothing more embarrassing than trying to explain why your eyes refuse to leave somebody’s frame. This time, however—this time, his eyes flicker straight over to you. It’s unmistakable. For a couple of seconds, his blue irises settle on your own, and you snap away quickly as your cheeks flush.

Good one. Real good.

At that moment the professor turns up and starts to load up today’s presentation. When you look back, you can see the back of the guy’s head, a few rows in front of you diagonally across the hall. He’s on the shorter row by the door, only three seats either side of him, but all of them are empty. He doesn’t seem to have many friends either. It doesn’t strike you that there may be a reason for that—maybe he’s just shy, or finds it difficult to find friends, just like you.

(He seems a little older than you, too. There’s just something about his expression, aloof and quiet, that makes you think he carries more years than his face cares to admit.)

The lecture is on Tolstoy and while the professor’s theories on Anna Karenina are interesting, you keep finding yourself glancing at the guy. This is the first time you’ve realised he doesn’t have a laptop, unlike the majority of students in the hall. He’s scribbling notes fervently in a small moleskin notebook, hand covering the side of his face as he writes.

By the time the lecture finishes and you’ve typed a grand total of eight words (the presentation title, go figure) the decision is basically out of your hands. You can’t let him sidle out of the hall like every single Russian lit class before this one, especially if he insists on causing this much distraction to your studies. As the professor finishes up you quickly pack away your laptop, squeezing between the rows in an attempt to reach him before you lose him amongst crowds of other students in the quad outside.

Your gaze follows his scruffy black backpack, standing on your tiptoes as you try to see over the tops of the heads that make their way down the stairs. He presses a white earphone into his ear and between arms, you can see he owns an iPhone, just not a laptop.

For half a second, you falter. Is this weird? Walking up to someone random—well, almost random—after class and just striking up a conversation? Maybe he’s alone because he wants to be, preferring to stalk about without company other than his own. Maybe the seats are empty because he’s completely unapproachable, others before you tried and failing to break into his circle. After all, he’s hardly unattractive. You can’t be the only one feeling subconsciously drawn to him.

Oh, fuck it. Whatever happened to biting the bullet? You remember something your sister mentioned to you in one of your two-hour long Skype marathons—be brave, loser.

You follow him until you’re out of the between-class rush, jogging a little to catch up with his long strides. Taking a deep breath to psych yourself up, you stumble to a halt beside him as he stops to read a message or something on his phone.

“Hey,” you say, a little breathless from your jog, pulling your rucksack straps up your shoulder.

He blinks, a little surprised, like he hadn’t seen you. His hands tighten into fists, then relax. He recognises you. “Hey?”

You smile, hoping to appear approachable, but wondering if it actually comes across as a grimace. “I’m, uh—sorry, we just had Russian lit together?”

His face is totally unreadable, but his body looks tense, putting you on edge. Maybe this was an extremely bad idea. “Yeah. I saw you.”

“Yeah, I saw you too. Well, obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t have…” you realise you’re rambling and to your surprise, there’s a hint of amusement on the guy’s face. It seems to flicker away quickly, like he’s telling himself off for it. “Anyway. I saw you sitting on your own, and I always sit on my own too, and I kind of hate it because this whole grad school thing has reduced my friendship circle to exactly zero, not including my new pot plant Hero, who is great but not very talkative, you know? She doesn’t have many opinions on Tolstoy’s use of the interior monologue in Anna Karenina. And also my roommate spends a lot of time examining corpses in the interest of science, so she’s not the most fun at the moment.”

He listens bemusedly, his hands sinking into the pockets of his trousers. You sigh. Verbal diarrhoea.

“The point being…we could, maybe, sit together?” you offer, hoping you haven’t immediately put him off if he was ever considering what you’re proposing. “Talk about Russian books sometimes so I don’t go mad?”

His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat as he looks down at his shoes; they’re scuffed up red Converse sneakers, the only part of him in technicolour. You’re almost certain he’s going to turn you down, the sting of rejection premeditated in your stomach, because hell you’ve been in this position before. He’s silent, considering this simple arrangement for longer than you’d anticipated, which is somehow a good and bad sign simultaneously.

“I…” he begins, and you’ve already finished the sentence. I would rather not, thank you. His jaw flexes, hardens. “I can sit with you.”

“Oh!” you say, brightly, by surprise. Nonchalance isn’t an option. Your grin is so damn obvious and you’re not even ashamed of it. “Oh, cool!”

“But—I don’t say this to be…I’ve just got a lot of stuff going on.” He smiles sadly, painfully. This expression is definitely readable. More readable than he wants it to be, you suspect. He dips his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Your hand closes round his arm and you can feel it tense, rock hard, and it’s like—like he realises you aren’t a threat, so he relaxes, his expression soft but eager to get away. You smile as a peace offering. “I just thought I’d ask your name. Then I’ll leave you alone. Promise.”

He mulls the question over in his head like he’s attempting a complex math problem, not a daily occurrence. His mouth curves before deciding on his answer. “James.”

“James,” you repeat, trying it out. You give him yours in exchange and he nods once, expression returning to neutral. He turns and makes his way to his next destination, perhaps another class, and before you know it he’s swallowed by college crowds and completely gone from view.

It’s been one of your more…charged interactions on campus, but nevertheless it leaves a warm feeling in your stomach. Sitting with someone is a start. It’s sure as hell better than sitting alone.

I’ve Been Wishing For You

aww hell yeah. i added in a teensy bit of spaceboy!dan becuase i live for that shit ;))))

also phil has a tattoo but hes not a punk lets be cleAR

-

Phil had always loved the rain.

He didn’t like being caught in it, but he loved the comfortable atmosphere of being curled up in blankets as the rain poured outside. Especially when he was at work.

Owning a flower/plant/coffee shop wasn’t the easiest, but why would Phil ever do anything that was easy? He loved what he did. He loved the people that came in, his regulars.

Phil’s shop was really unique, especially being on the corner of a busy street in the heart of London. It was white on the outside, with vines growing on the walls, with the logo, that Phil designed himself, painted onto the window. He had flowers growing in pots on all eight tables, with even more bins filled with various plants, succulents, and mosses. This was his passion.

The shop smelled strongly of the outdoors, which you don’t smell very often in London, and soft whiff of coffee. Not only did he make flower and plant arrangements, but he also served some of the best coffee served in London, which had turned the place into a cafe as well.

Phil was so successful with his business, he had employees working full time, and the regulars had started giving him reviews on Yelp, which were fantastic. His business was booming, not one moment of the day was quiet around him. 

But Phil wasn’t happy.

Of course, he was happy that his dream had finally come true, but he wasn’t satisfied with what his life had become. His job was his life, and that’s not the ‘dream’ Phil had in mind. When he was just getting started, he dreamed of having a family work alongside him, making the place more personal, more appealing to families. But he was 29 now, and hadn’t dated anyone in three years. 

He wanted the life of one of his regulars, Dan. 

Dan was an astronomy major in Uni, and had a teaching degree. He taught year fives about the stars, and planets, and at twenty five years old. He came in after school had let out every day, and ordered the same caramel latte, and sat to grade papers. Or well, put ‘good job!’ and ‘amazing work!’ stickers on the margins. The handwriting was almost too messy to read, but it was an A for effort. 

Dan seemed so happy with what his life had become, and Phil was jealous. Since Dan had been coming in regularly, they had gotten to know each other quite well. Dan was the only real friend Phil had in his life anymore, and he wasn’t going to let go of him anytime soon. 

Now, although Phil hated to admit it, he was actually head over heels for Dan. He couldn’t quite explain what it was, maybe the curls the swept to the left on his head, or how long and awkward he was, or the way his brown eyes would light up whenever he talked about what he was passionate about. Phil found Dan to be quite the most gorgeous human he had ever come in contact with. 

Phil always looked forward to three thirty, because that was the time Dan would always show up. He made sure to have a caramel latte hot n ready for Dan’s arrival, and two freshly cut peonies to have on Dan’s table. They were Dan’s favorite flower, due to the fact that Phil had them on the table the first time Dan went to the shop. And ever since Phil had basically fallen for Dan, he never failed to give him peonies. But could you blame Phil? The flowers stood for romance, he couldn’t help himself than to woo Dan over with them. He hasn’t picked up on the symbolism, yet. 

So Phil was mindlessly tapping his fingers on the counter, listening to the soft patter of rain hitting the windows, and pavement outside. The clock read three twenty three, and Phil was waiting in anticipation for the brunet to burst through the doors with damp hair, his face flushed, and a smile. His day was quite boring, after the morning rush nobody really came in, other than teenagers who skipped school, or unemployed adults that are either homeless, or stay at home parents. Around lunch time, the second rush of the day, he dealt with the busy, rushed business people, until it calmed own again. So here he is. 

A woman was sitting with a stroller next to her, with, who he assumed, to be a friend she was catching up with. They were talking about how one of them was getting ready to adopt a third child, and the other was thinking of getting pregnant again. They couldn’t have been five years older than Phil, and had families, lives, and here Phil was. Plants were his family. 

Not that he didn’t love plants. Fuck, he had vines tattooed up his left arm, as a sleeve. It was the only tattoo he had, the only one he wanted. People thought it was weird that this nerdy guy who owned a hybrid of a coffee shop and florist had a tattoo. But Phil loved destroying stereotypes. 

“Yeah, Cam is starting year six this year, and I don’t know if I’m ready for my baby to be growing up so fast. Its just so weird you know?” Phil listened in, sighing. 

The bell dinged, making Phil’s ears perk up, looking over at the door and seeing the man he had been waiting for. He was closing his umbrella, leaning it against the wall. Dan turned around when he shrugged off his rain coat, smiling when he saw Phil. 

“It costs extra for you to occupy that space for your umbrella, you know.” Phil said, beginning to make Dan’s drink. Dan chuckled, fixing his fringe. 

“Well, I’ll have to file a complaint for umbrella discrimination. My umbrella will leave a zero out of five star rating on yelp for this disgraceful business.” Dan smiled, leaning against the counter, resting on his crossed arms. 

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but your umbrella doesn’t have opposable thumbs. I don’t think it would be able to figure out how to type.” Phil joked, handing Dan the mug of coffee. Dan gave Phil his card, but Phil declined. 

“What?” Dan asked, not grabbing the mug until Phil took his card to pay. 

“It’s on me today.” Phil smiled, he motioned for somebody to cover the till, as he walked around to the front of the counter. Dan smiled, thanking Phil as he took the mug. 

“Would you care to join me as a strategically place stickers on these papers?” Dan asked, swinging his backpack next to the small table that he always sat at. The peonies rested on the table, and Dan picked them both up and set them in the vase that was at the edge. Like he always did. 

“I would love to.” Phil slid into the seat across from Dan, taking off his apron and draping it on the back of his chair. 

“I had the most crazy day today. My kids were all buzzing with excitement because the thunder was so loud.” Dan started, he pulled out his binder full of papers he needed to ‘grade’. He was surprised to see the thick stack of papers, and the small stack of stickers he had. Phil laughed. “But I guess they were like that in all their classes, the other year four teachers had the same problem.”

“So it was a stressful day, then?” 

“No, I bullshitted the entire lesson. It’s not like they were paying attention. These papers are from the warm up I require every day. Year six teachers are getting more strict about that, so I’m trying to prepare them for it next year.” Dan took a sip of his coffee, peeling stickers off the sheet, having one on his five fingers. He placed one down, then moved on to the next assignment, repeat. 

 “How do they know if they did well?” Phil chuckled, grabbing half the stack of papers, and a sticker sheet. He might as well help, it would be kind of rude to just watch Dan work while Phil was literally slacking off at his own job. Good job he was his own boss, he guessed. 

“We grade them in class. But one time I tried telling them to just keep the warm ups in their completed folder, and they got really offended that I wasn’t going to put stickers on them.” 

“Is astronomy the only thing you teach?” 

“No. I have to teach all sorts of science, but I like to focus on astronomy, because well, fuck it. I love it. I’m not so good at everything else, though.”

“Maybe I can help out with botany. Because, everyone knows I don’t know shit about plants.” Phil’s tone was sarcastic, because well, fucking look at him. Of course he knew everything about plants. 

“Oh yeah, because children really care about having the knowledge that cabbage is 91 percent water contents.”

Phil leaned over the table, smacking Dan, making them both laugh. He looked up to Cleo, who was working the till, seeing her devilish smile at him. Cleo knew about Phil’s little, well, obsession, and has been trying to hook them up forever now. Phil didn’t know exactly what she did to Dan, but she put Phil through hell. She wouldn’t let him forget about Dan any second of the day. 

Mistakenly, Dan had told her he was gay before he and Phil were close, and Phil just had a ridiculous teenage crush on him, and that spiraled and entire conversation about why you should totally just go for it Phil he told me to my face he likes dick so go while the window is open.  

And now look, Phil had finally gotten the courage to go sit with Dan, without even thinking about it. Something was different today, but Phil couldn’t quite pin it. 

“Do you do this at home as well?” Phil asked, trying to spark up a conversation. Dan laughed. 

“Oh god no. When I get home it’s literally just lesson planning. This is the most relaxing part of my day, if I’m honest.”

“Wow, guess I’ll have to make your trip here more stressful. You’re not allowed to have fun.” Phil said, and Dan let out a noise like a giggle, making Phil’s heart soar. 

“You’d have to completely change yourself then, because that’s what makes the trip here worth it every day. Even in the pouring rain.” Dan tilted his head toward the window, referring to the current weather. But he said t in such a smug way, smirking at Phil during and after, and Phil was in shock. 

Was he flirting with me?

“That’s easy.” Phil picked up the salt shaker on the table, shook a fair amount into his hand, and successfully dumped it into Dan’s coffee. 

Dan looked up wide eyed, his jaw dropping. “Did you really?”

“I did.” Phil crossed his arms on the table. Dan got up off the chair, and strode over to his umbrella, it already making a tiny puddle of water from the rain running off the fabric. He sprinted back over to the table, and shook the rest of the droplets over Phil’s head. 

Phil gasped, swatting the umbrella away from above his head. The two women had turned and were watching, giggling as Dan shoved the papers into his bag, laughing as he swung it over his shoulders, and started for the door, running. Phil gave an unsure look to Cleo, before she shouted ‘Go!’, and Phil took off after Dan. 

He heard the bell chime when he ran out of the building, and Dan was already halfway across the street, looking back at Phil, the umbrella long forgotten. “Oops?” Dan said, raising his arms as if he didn’t know what he did, breaking into a laugh when Phil finally caught up. They hadn’t been outside for thirty seconds, and they were already drenched, their hair dripping wet. Phil shook his head, bringing his hands up to his hair, and ruffling it, while shaking it in Dan’s face, adding more water than what was coming down. “What you get for putting salt in my coffee!’

“Hey, you deserved that!” Dan started walking backwards, making Phil follow him. He was almost running sideways by the time Phil caught up. “You told me to completely change, because I’m so awful.”

“Don’t put words into my mouth.” Dan remarked. “I told you to change yourself because YOU wanted my experience to be less enjoyable.” 

Dan sped ahead, turning the corner, and going down an ally. The rain wasn’t as intense, the buildings shielding them, Phil had grabbed Dan’s wrist, both laughing. He held both arms in one hand, making Dan squirm as he laughed hysterically, and brought a hand to his neck, maing it seem as if Phil were going to grab his face and kiss him, but at last minute he flicked Dan right under his ear. “Oops?” He mocked Dan’s statement from earlier. 

Dan wiggled his arms free, and started poking Phil on his sides, tickling him. “Oops,” Dan yelled, trying to escape Phil’s arms when he reached out to defend himself. He crossed his own over his chest as Phil had his arms wrapped around his torso, dropping Dan’s bag, pulling his back into his chest. Phil had lifted Dan’s feel off the ground slightly, both still laughing at each other, over nothing. “Phil!”

Phil interlocked their fingers, on both hands, keeping them wrapped around Dan, on a whim. “Whoops, looks like our hands are stuck together. That’s weird?” Phil joked, pinning Dan around. He knew it was cheesy, but they were already acting cheesy, so it only added to the moment.

 “What a shame.” Dan said, smiling with dimples adorning his cheeks. It had been a while since Dan had found somebody he really liked. The last time being in Uni, but that was years ago. He really grew an affection towards Phil, which is why he kept going back to his shop every day, and would occasionally order flowers, or plants to his house, just because he knew Phil picked them out, and arranged them. 

But being a teacher took up most of his life, so he never really had time to date, or do anything to hang out with a person, and Phil was just somebody that he got to know without even knowing he was doing it, and figured out he kept going because he really fucking liked Phil, but didn’t know how to act on it.

 Dan moved his hands around Phil’s neck, tugging lightly on the hair that was at the bottom of Phil’s neck. “Your hair called me, and asked why you didn’t leave it in 2007, and I couldn’t help but wonder the same exact question.” Dan teased, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he giggled with Phil’s sarcastic eye roll. “Oh, sorry, does that offend you?”

“You literally have the exact same haircut, you’re just curlier than me.” Phil laughed. Dan had pulled Phil’s head down more, pressing their foreheads together. They both had no idea how they had gotten to this point so quickly, but were happy that it was finally happening, at least, they hoped. 

“You know,” Dan started, “the kids finally pointed out that I always have peonies in my vase last week.”

“Tell them where you got them, it will get me more business.” Phil said, sounding serious. Dan tried to hold back laughter, kicking his shin. 

“And then one of them, all bold like, said, and I quote, ‘my mummy told me peonies are romantic, does somebody fancy you, Mr.Howell?’ And I couldn’t help but fucking blush because of fucking course Peonies symbolize romance after I had fallen for the guy that kept supplying me with them voluntarily.”

Then it was Phil’s turn to blush, because holy fuck, Dan figured out his secret plan, and it fucking worked. It worked. He could barely believe what he had just heard. It was like every single dream he ever had was finally coming true, and the rain soaking them didn’t even matter anymore, because he was so shocked that this was happening, this boring day had turned so amazing, Phil thought he was dreaming.

 “Ah, you have uncovered my secret plans!” Phil tried to cover up the fact that he was internally freaking out, and seemed to do it pretty well in that case. 

“Secret?” Dan asked, giggling. “Are they secret if I find out before you even tell me?”

“It worked didn’t it?” 

They both laughed, their noses bumping together, making them just that more eager. And suddenly, Dan pushed his head up, and their lips collided, locking together to naturally, and perfectly. 

Neither of them could believe what was happening, yet at the same time they could. Phil ran his hands up and down Dan’s sides, exhaling when they pulled back. 

It wasn’t for long, though, as Phil went straight back down, kissing the breath out of Dan. He bit down on Dan’s bottom lip, and Dan opened his mouth enough for Phil to slip his tongue in, which Dan had dreamed about Phil doing forever now. 

Phil brought his hands to Dan’s cheeks, running the pads of his thumbs on his cheekbones. Dan gasped, Phil’s other fingers lightly brushing against his neck, making Phil smirk. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.” Dan said, Phil just pressed their lips back together, showing Dan how much he agreed. 

-

Phil’s keys jingled in his hands as he tried to unlock the door to his flat, Dan kissing his jaw as he hung off Phil’s arm. Both of their minds were racing with adrenaline. 

Turns out that standing in the middle of the rain making out isn’t going to take them any further, so Phil suggested that they go to his flat down the street to ‘dry off’ and ‘change’. Dan knew what he actually meant, and didn’t hesitate to agree to it. But could you blame Dan? He’s been waiting for this for a year and a half, he was not going to pass up the opportunity. obviously. 

Phil pushed the door open, revealing his apartment to Dan, for the first time. He didn’t think that this would be how he showed Dan his life at home for the first time, but hey, no going back now. 

He didn’t think pushing Dan against the wall would be the right approach to start this, as he didn’t know what Dan’s boundaries were, so he settled for just hugging Dan from behind as he looked around the flat, taking in what he could. 

Phil had a plant of some sort of variation on any surface of his house, vases of flowers, regular potted house plants, succulents, etc.. But to top that even more, he had posters of old video games, movies, and cartoons. But they were professionally framed, making Dan giggle at how nerdy Phil exactly was. 

“Suits you.” Dan smiled, leaning into Phil. 

“I know, it’s a lot.” Phil laughed, kissing Dan’s cheek. 

“No, no. Really, it suits you. I like it.” Dan turned around, placing his hands on Phil’s chest. He blinked up at hi, leaning up and pressing a light kiss to Phil’s lips. Phil had dropped Dan’s bag onto the floor next to the door, before wrapping his arms around Dan’s waist. 

“Wouldn’t expect you to go for the nerd who owns a florist cafe.” Phil joked, kissing Dan’s giggle away. Phil slid his tongue into Dan’s mouth, making the kiss more needy, and rough. Dan squeaked, tugging Phil closer by his shirt, tilting his head. 

Phil’s hands cupped Dan’s face, running the pads of his thumbs across his cheekbones. His skin was smooth, and up close, Phil could see the small freckles that littered Dan’s face, which made him even more adorable than he could imagine. He was completely head over heels for Dan, and the fact that he had finally reached this stage with him was exhilarating. “Wouldn’t have expected you to go for the primary school teacher.” Dan said between kissing. 

Dan’s fingers found their way to the top button of Phil’s shirt, slowly looping it through the hole, successfully undoing it. 

This was what Phil had wanted, he wanted somebody that he was completely head over heels for, somebody that felt the same for him that he felt, and this was when he finally realized that he got what he was looking for. 

Maybe opening that coffee shop wasn’t his only dream, because after today, it won’t be his top priority anymore. 

“You don’t even know what I’m feeling for you right now.” Phil pulled away. Dan blushed. 

“Trust me, I do.”

-

Oh my god im sorry this is literal shit but i tried my hardest

Send me requests!!! but please specify if you want smut or not bc i dont know what you want if you dont!!!! ty

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow By OverTheRainbow: Epilogue

Chapter 6: Epilogue

The next few days had been a whirlwind of introductions, explanations, apologies and eventual celebrations. Kelly had screamed down the telephone with delight and insisted immediately on logging on to Skype in order to "meet" John. Kieron had received the news via FaceTime from Cyprus and while he was initially, understandably cautious about the sudden turn of events, particularly as he'd never met John, he could see that his sister was incredibly happy and after a few private chats with him, Kieron was reassured that Kayleigh had indeed finally found a decent bloke to share her life with. John was more than a bit relieved to receive his approval. Even on screen Kieran looked like he could probably kill him with his index finger. Mandy took a little more convincing but it wasn't long before she too began to realise that John was an honourable man, whose past mistakes were born of fear and not malice and that he and her sister were truly, a match made in heaven. Mandy was genuinely touched when John, insisted on returning the £140 to their holiday fund. Pointing out that he wouldn't take money "from family". Kayleigh's Mum Sal and Dad Tommy were, thankfully, a much easier proposition. As was John's Mum Evelyn, who was thrilled to see her son so happy. Kayleigh's parents liked John immediately. Her Dad in particular, shared a similar nature and a wry sense of humour. They were soon setting the world to rights, as John helped him clean out their guttering. Meanwhile their Mum's had bonded over Zumba and Sh'Bam and became regular lunch and shopping companions. Eventually even Misty approved of the latest addition to the family. After some initial suspicion, when she arrived in Preston to discover this interloper in her midst, the little mongrel began to feel comfortable with John and greeted him with enthusiasm when he arrived at the door. He'd joked with Kayleigh that he might even grow to like "Dogging". She'd looked up from her wedding magazine, "Yeah, you're funny". He chuckled, "I am aren't I? Tell your mates. I'm playing here all week". "You'll be playin with yourself if you're not careful!" "Ooh I see what you did there..." "Hmm, I'll bet you did". They were soon giggling like kids.

He'd decided to make an extra special day of it when he'd taken her to Manchester to buy her engagement ring. They would stay overnight at the Lowry Hotel with a Spa visit for Kayleigh and an evening meal with champagne for them both. He didn't usually drink alcohol but he'd make an exception this time. He bought her an emerald cut diamond, set in a platinum and diamond band. She'd lingered around the cheaper rings until he'd called her over and pointed out the one he'd secretly seen her admiring on her iPad. Her eyes lit up as soon as she saw it. "It's too expensive John". "Nah. It's just right...besides, some things are worth it." He attracted the attention of the shop assistant, "My fiancée and I would like to see that one please". He smiled and winked at Kayleigh. He loved calling her his fiancée and he knew she liked hearing it. It was perfect on her finger. She'd decided to get a manicure especially for their shopping trip and it added to the effect. They'd also decided to buy their wedding rings. They all needed to be sized to fit and their wedding rings were also to be engraved on the inside with their initials and the date of their wedding. After some debate about the relative merits of a summer verses a winter wedding, they'd decided on New Year's Eve. The idea of celebrating the New Year by starting a new life, appealed to them both. Besides, Kayleigh liked the thought that the Christmas Lights would still be up and that from now on, her favourite time of the year would be even more special. Throw in that Kelly, along with her Auntie Pat and Uncle Bob, would be returning from Australia for a visit and that Kieron would be home on leave and the decision was well and truly made. Neither of them favoured a long engagement. They both knew with absolute certainty that they wanted to make the commitment and saw any unnecessary delay, as futile. So the clock was now ticking down, to the Redmond/Kitson nuptials.

The six months leading up to the big day were hectic, to say the least. Although Kayleigh had been mentally planning her wedding for years, the reality brought with it unforeseen obstacles to navigate. The first being that John's Mum wanted a church wedding. While John no longer practiced his religion, he was baptised and raised in the church and for his Mother, it constituted what she believed to be, a "proper" wedding. Kayleigh on the other hand thought religion was a "load of hoopty" and wanted a civil ceremony at their wedding venue, a beautiful boutique hotel in the countryside not too far from Manchester. For a time it seemed that neither side would back down and John felt the pressure of being caught between the two women. A compromise was finally reached after Kayleigh agreed that their wedding rings would be blessed and that, for now, she wouldn't completely rule out the possibility of Christening any children they might have. Peace was restored in the Kingdom. It was a compromise agreement worthy of a UN Special Envoy and a Nobel Prize.

John was also on the move. A vacancy for a Store Manager had come up in Burnley and with a reasonably short commute from Preston, it was ideal. The current arrangement was a strain on them both, with John volunteering to take the lion share of the burden by staying with Kayleigh in Preston most nights. It meant he'd lost his parking space, as he could no longer reliably Car Share with a colleague. Instead he now used a park and ride. He was awake at dawn and knackered by the time he got home. His contribution to wedding planning had so far consisted of, "Hm…what? Oh yeah, that sounds nice. You have what you want love" before falling asleep. That she'd just jokingly asked him if they should hire a couple of elephants had completely passed him by. Once his house was sold, he would move up permanently. This led them both to decide to buy a house in Preston. Kayleigh had an initial six month tenancy on her terraced house, which would expire not long before the wedding and with both of them now increasing their salaries and John selling his house, which gave them a healthy deposit, the time felt right. John had mused that they were literally doing every stressful thing it was humanly possible to do, all at once and that at this rate they might just keel over before they made it up the aisle, "We'll die happy then!" was Kayleigh's view. Four months into their engagement they bought a new build semi in a quiet suburban development. They had moved in just in time for John to start his new job in Burnley.

The staff members were genuinely sad to see him leave but were happy that everything had worked out in the end for him and Kayleigh. They threw a huge leaving/engagement party for John, insisting that Kayleigh invite her new colleagues in Preston to the celebrations. Amid much back slapping and congratulations, Dave Thompson had sheepishly apologised for the "lipstick on a pig" comment and Litchy had telephoned to call him a "Sly old bugger and lament that he wished he'd stuck 50 quid on it". The only reluctant celebrant was Stink Ray. He still hadn't forgiven them for conning him out of a lift that day. It took Elsie with her cutthroat diplomacy to resolve the matter in the staff room, "Are you kiddin! I wouldn't let you near any motor a' mine! You stink like a North Sea trawler! It's about time somebody told you to get a bloody bath Captain Birdseye!" The room descended into an awkward silence. Then a male voice piped up, "You've gone nose blind mate!" leading to an outbreak of sniggering. Ray sniffed his sweater. If he was stunned by the revelation and his pride had been offended, he had to admit it did explain a lot....and Elsie's directness...wasn't entirely unappealing....By the evening of the party, it appeared to have had the desired effect. Ray wasn't exactly fragrant but as Elsie put it, he now smelt less like a trawler and now merely, "Whiffed like a two day old prawn soaked in Paco Rabanne". On the night, the gang from Fresh Face and John's colleagues from the Store, mingled well and before long the dance floor was full and the booze was flowing. A huge banner read

"❤Congratulations John & Kayleigh ❤"

Heart shaped helium balloons filled the room along with huge illuminated letters spelling out "LOVE". John had relished hitting the dance floor with Kayleigh as soon as Gloria Gaynor's, "I am what I am" came on, to laughter from them both. There was much ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the engagement ring. Alan Campbell had joked to John that they obviously paid him too much. Rachel couldn't resist snarking that her own preference would be for something more "subtle". Big Diane had seized her moment, "Let's see your diamond then Rachel". Sufficiently embarrassed, she'd promptly sloped off. "Jealousy's an ugly emotion", Joyce had pronounced sagely...before draining the remnants of her G&T through a straw with a loud gurgle. Kayleigh had forgotten how much fun her old colleagues could be. As the party drew to a close, the dance floor filled with couples smooching and swaying to Phil Collins cover of "Groovy Kind of Love". The sight of five foot two Joyce hanging off the neck of her six foot two Sumo wrestler husband, was one that would live long in the memory. John and Kayleigh had a cheeky snog but were soon spotted and a loud cheer went up, prompting John to bow and Kayleigh to curtsey to their audience. As the song came to an end, John nudged Kayleigh to look at one couple in particular, "Bloody Hell!" he whispered "There isn't enough mental Harpic for that one". Stink Ray and Elsie were getting up close and personal. It looked like Ray was on for a much needed bath and a half share in a Pot Noodle, before the night was out. Kayleigh giggled, "Maybe time we said our good nights eh?" "You always have the best ideas", he replied. They'd left to hugs, handshakes and kisses and were soon covered in confetti and streamers.

The next time they all met up, it was the wedding day. It had dawned crisp and bright. The low winter sun casting a warm glow on the frosty landscape as Kayleigh looked out from the hotel window. It was perfect. They'd lucked out in getting the venue, thanks to a cancellation. While Kayleigh had initially felt uncomfortable that they were benefitting from someone else's misfortune, John eventually persuaded her that it was simply serendipity. Her parents, her Matron of Honour Mandy, Maid of Honour Kelly and bridesmaids Chloe and Sophie, had joined her for her last night as a single woman. As her breakfast was delivered complete with a glass of Buck's Fizz, her Mum, Kelly and Mandy all appeared in the doorway, giving a hearty rendition of "She's getting married in the morning". Soon her room was a hive of activity, with her hairdresser Sue and her assistant Jordan and make-up artists Emma and Jo, new colleagues and friends from Fresh Face, busy getting everyone ready. Much of the conversation centred on the Hen Weekend and Kayleigh's determination to bring home her fully inflated male blow up doll, from Benidorm and the look on John's face when he'd picked her up from the airport to find her clutching it and wearing a sombrero. For some reason known only to Kayleigh she'd called him Ted 3, which she found hilarious and which her hens found mystifying. Much of the weekend was a blur but she did recall mucho tequila, a foam party, a Drag Queen, a stripper called "Magic Miguel", thinking that it was a good idea to attempt a rendition of Madonna's "Like a Virgin" in the middle of the street and waking up on a sun lounger at 6am. John also retained a voicemail she'd left for him on her last night, which informed him that she was "Fluffy Drunk" and that she would very much like to have "sexy time" with him. Before calling him her "Snuggle Bunny" and then informing him that she was going to be sick. She then promptly burst into tears because he wasn't there to hold her hair back. John's Stag had also not been without incident. Kayleigh had issued warnings that he was to come back in one piece...or else! They'd gone for an "experience day" karting, laser combat and pool. Kieron then led the troops which included Jim, Steve, Paul and Litchy, on an epic pub crawl. While John wasn't much of a drinker, his future brother in law had insisted on him partaking in a "Cheeky Vimto"...or two...or three...he'd lost count after that and consciousness soon afterwards. He'd woken up the following morning in Mandy's flower bed, holding a traffic cone, with a G-string on his head. Steve was asleep beside his bike, under the gazebo. Mandy had woken them both by pouring the contents of a watering can on their heads... after gathering some photographic evidence, of course. She later remarked to Kayleigh, "If it wasn't for Global Warming he'd have frozen his bits off. What use would he have been to you then!?" Recounting her observation to John, he replied, "Well, now there's an argument for climate change you don't often hear". By comparison, tonight's celebrations would be much more sedate.

John, his Mum, his Nana, his brother and best man Paul, his sister in law Angela, his groomsmen, Jim, Steve and Kieron and the two pageboys Ben and a very reluctant Alfie, stayed overnight at another hotel nearby. Alfie had been in a strop since the prospect of being a pageboy had first surfaced, six months before. If they'd hoped he'd settle into the idea, it hadn't worked. Lately he'd become belligerent to the point of rudeness. Something had to give. To Mandy's surprise and delight Steve had dusted off his parenting skills with their ever impossible son. He'd taken him aside, told him he was upsetting his Auntie Kayleigh and Uncle John with his behaviour and that he was seriously disappointing both him and his Mum. He thought he was raising a man, not a spoilt kid. John and Kayleigh had bought gifts for their bridesmaids and pages and if he persisted, he'd make sure he didn't get his. It would go to a kid who deserved it. Alfie was sufficiently chastised. He promptly apologised to John, who bought him a coke and said, "At least you're not wearing a sailor suit. I spared you that one buddy." Alfie smiled. Progress. Steve then called Kayleigh so that Alfie could apologise to her. Kayleigh accepted his apology and told him all would be forgiven if he promised her a dance at the reception. She'd even let him pick the song.

Kayleigh's natural superstition had extended to maintaining the tradition that it's "bad luck" to see the groom the night before the wedding. He'd called her just before she went to sleep though, to tell her how much he loved her and couldn't wait to be her husband. He also loved the watch she'd bought him as a wedding present. He had a surprise for her tomorrow. When she tried to get a clue he exclaimed, "You can't get round me that easily lady! Just wait and see…” She couldn't wait to be his wife. It wouldn't be long until they headed off on their Honeymoon. Two weeks, all-inclusive in Barbados. John's choice. She'd simply asked for "somewhere laid back and sunny". He'd toyed with the idea of a cruise but ruled it out due to Kayleigh's aquaphobia and his own qualms about the Norovirus. He'd arrived home with a cry of "Booked it!" then flashed the brochure. Kayleigh had squealed with delight...and rewarded him with a little "honeymoon rehearsal". They'd soon be lying on a beach sipping cocktails...or in John's case mocktails, as husband and wife. Their special day was finally here.

As the groom and his entourage began to arrive downstairs, Chloe and Sophie twirled in their pretty bridesmaids dresses. Mandy and Kelly meanwhile, put the finishing touches to their look, midnight blue, full length gowns, as Kayleigh slipped into the wedding dress she'd spent so long dreaming of. It was lace and silk, with a tight, hidden bodice, three quarter length sleeves and a full skirt. It was finished off with a full length veil. Her something blue was a garter from Kelly, her something borrowed were diamond and pearl earrings from her Mum. Her something old was a broach that belonged to John's Nana, Rose and one from her own late Nana, which were in her bouquet. Mandy handed her, her something new. It had arrived that morning from John. His surprise. A beautiful, simple diamond tennis bracelet. Stopping the tears was going to be impossible today, it seemed.

Chloe and Sophie clapped and cheered as Kayleigh's Mum Sal, John's Mum Evelyn, who couldn't resist a peak and a good luck kiss, Mandy and Kelly, all tried not to cry and ruin their make-up, when Kayleigh emerged from her room. Kelly handed her, her bouquet and with a kiss from her Mum and her bridesmaids, Mandy placed the veil over her sister's face and she made her way towards her Dad who was waiting for her at the top of the stairs. He too was emotional when he saw her. They had a final, quiet moment, when he told he was so proud of her, that she looked like a Princess and that John was the luckiest man in the world. With both their Mum's now seated downstairs with the guests, the sound of the string quartet playing Paschelbel's Canon in D, was her cue and she wasn't going to miss it. John's Mum had mouthed "She looks beautiful" to her nervous son. He'd been pacing like a caged animal and must have asked his brother twenty times, if he had the rings. On the last occasion Paul had feigned panic but the look of anxiety on his brother's face was such that he feared he might just have a heart attack, so he caved and produced them for inspection yet again. "For God sake calm down man! You're gonna pass out at this rate". "I know. I just want it to be right". "It won't be if you're in A&E". The moment he saw his bride though, he became totally calm. She had that effect on him. He felt completely at peace with the world. She really was the thing that completed him. Everything felt wrong without her and with her, it was perfect. She was the most beautiful vision he'd ever beheld and her smile lit up the room. He knew he was grinning like an idiot but he didn't care. He couldn't take his eyes off her. When she reached his side she'd said, "Hello handsome. Fancy seeing you here." He'd smiled and whispered back, "Hello beautiful. I wouldn't miss it for the world". They exchanged their vows in front of their family and friends. Every one of whom felt certain that this was one marriage that was definitely for keeps. There was a chorus of clapping and cheering as they were pronounced husband and wife and the new Mr & Mrs John Redmond, sealed the deal with a kiss. After signing the register and posing for photographs with their bridal party, the bride and groom walked down the aisle to Beethoven's Ode to Joy. As congratulations flowed and the guests mingled and enjoyed champagne and canapés to the strains of the string quartet playing an assortment of classical and modern pieces, including John noted, an instrumental version of "Runaway", the newlyweds and their families continued their photo session. Finally, the formalities completed, the guests were seated for the reception. Having abandoned her veil Kayleigh and John let it be known that it was now party time! The Master of ceremonies announced them and they entered hand in hand to the sound of The Black Eyed Peas "Let's Get it Started". So began the party of their lives.

After a four course slap up meal, "This definitely wacks a Fat Boy!" as John rightly observed, mid profiterole, the speeches began. Paul had the guests in stitches recalling their childhood exploits, with subtle references to John's previous dating disasters. He kept it...mostly clean, complimented Kayleigh, thanked the bridesmaids and pages, gave them their gifts from the bride and groom and received a huge cheer as he toasted the happy couple and resumed his seat. Mandy and Kelly were delighted with their necklaces with a heart shaped pendant engraved with the date and Chloe and Sophie loved their little charm bracelets with a heart charm, their initial and a little bride and groom. Ben and Alfie's eyes lit up when they were given wireless headphones and promptly disappeared to hook them up to their phones. Kayleigh's Dad then said a few words, speaking lovingly about Kayleigh and welcoming John to the family. John's Mum spoke briefly but movingly about her son and the happiness Kayleigh had brought to his life. Everyone was in tears as she told her son how proud his father would be of him. John thanked his Mum and kissed her. He then gave his own speech. Beginning with the customary "My wife and I" which elicited yet more cheering. He thanked Cath Hilton for initiating the Car Share scheme, which brought Kayleigh Kitson..."sorry Kayleigh Redmond"...into his life. He spoke of the joy he had found in her and of his own amazement that she loved him and that he was now a married man. He and Kayleigh then gave a gift of necklaces with pearl drop pendants to their respective mothers in law. John's gift card thanking Sal for raising the love of his life and Kayleigh's thanking Evelyn for raising the man of her dreams. John then proposed a toast to his wife Kayleigh Redmond and another to their Mums. Kayleigh stood briefly to say a few words to her Dad and give him his gift, a silver tankard engraved with "Father of the Bride" and the date of the wedding. John also gave him a voucher from the Shed Surgery. He'd long held the dream of a little sanctuary at the bottom of the garden. Kayleigh then thanked everyone and hoped that after they cut the cake, they would stay and party in the New Year with them. They didn't need to be asked twice.

Cake cutting done and yet more photos taken, they were finally ready to dance the night away. John was anticipating the Corrs as he led Kayleigh out for their first dance. He honestly didn't mind...if it was what she wanted, he could live with it. Instead, the glorious voice of Gladys Knight filled the room singing, "You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me". Kayleigh whispered, "Listen to the words John". She sang along as she rested her head on his shoulder. John could feel himself tearing up and did his best to keep it together. "It's just perfect, isn't it?" she said as she kissed him. "Yeah. It really is", he replied as he held her tighter. They were joined on the dance floor by Kayleigh's Mum and Dad and John's Mum and Paul, as Eric Clapton sang "Wonderful Tonight". John then danced with his Mum and Kayleigh with her Dad, to The Commodores "Three Times A Lady". The DJ then announced that it was time to pick up the pace and really get this party started as Kool and the Gang's "Celebration" came belting through the speakers. By now the dance floor was rammed with family, friends and colleagues who'd joined them for the "evening do". John had lifted Kayleigh up and was spinning her around as they yelled out "Whaaa Hooo!" at the appropriate moment. By the time they were midway through a Bee Gees Medley, John's jacket and tie had been discarded and Kayleigh was in a pair of flat glittery ballet pumps she'd bought for her and her bridesmaids, expressly for dancing. They tore it up through a Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 Medley, "Red Light Spells Danger" and "Uptown Funk", before the need for hydration drove them off the floor. A fish and chip van arrived not long after 9pm and along with a chocolate fountain, retro sweets and a candy floss machine, young and old were well and truly catered for. Van Morrisons "Brown Eyed Girl" got them back on the floor and Kayleigh got her dance with Alfie to Pharrell Williams, "Happy". Rob Vegas singing "Ho Hey (You're My Sweetheart)" got everyone singing along as did "Sweet Caroline". The Kitsons, the Prices and the Redmonds all got up to Sister Sledge's "We are Family" and one of the moments of the night came when John and his Mum danced to Eddie Cochrane's "Three Steps to Heaven", the significance known only to them and to Paul, Kayleigh and Angela. Then to everyone's delight John and Jim aka "Compendium" took to the stage. John dedicated "In The City" to Kayleigh and she joined them on stage in a pink Stetson and clutching a tambourine, for "Cotton Eye Joe". Line dancing with gusto, were Joyce Chung, Big Diane, Cath Hilton and Elsie, fresh from being issued with what she was told in no uncertain terms, was absolutely her final written warning. In a treat for his niece, Sophie finally got to finish her performance of "Let it Go", to a huge cheer. Then, in a moment John knew nothing about, Kayleigh's Dad Tommy, Jim, Steve, Kieron and Paul all took to the stage to sing Danny Boy. It had always been John's Dad's favourite song. The guests joined in too. As they finished and Tommy toasted 'To Absent Friends", any hope of preventing the tears from falling, was gone. Kayleigh hugged John and Evelyn, as the DJ announced that midnight was fast approaching.

As the clock struck 12, balloons fell from the ceiling, party poppers, champagne corks and steamers exploded in a mass of colour and delighted cheers. In a sea of hugs and kisses, John and Kayleigh wished each other a "Happy New Year", the first one of their married lives. Old Langs Syne then gave way to Prince and "1999". As John and Kayleigh danced, he spotted his Mum chatting with Bernard from her bowling club. He'd just kissed his Mum's hand, John was stunned, "Ey! Did you just see that! That's not right...that's out of order that is!" Kayleigh reached up and put her hands on either side of John's cheeks, forcing him to look at her and said, "Let her be. Let her be happy. Time's not a good thing to waste John". He knew she was right....but he still couldn't resisted keeping and eye on the pair when Kayleigh wasn't looking. As Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" played in the background, Kayleigh threw her bouquet into the crowd. Or rather, a replica of it. She had plans for the original. As Kelly, Emma, and Jo lined up with Kieran's girlfriend Gemma, Elsie mounted a charge-down that the British and Irish Lions would have been proud of and which left her face down on the floor and holding the bouquet in the air before declaring, "Gotcha! Ya frigger!" As the other women were knocked sideways like skittles, Elsie was surrounded by guests with gaping mouths. "Bloody Hellfire" John exclaimed. "Jeeesus!" laughed Steve, as Ben and Alfie were bent double with hysteria and a stunned Kayleigh muttered, "Frigadig" while surveying the scene and checking for any walking wounded. Fortunately they'd only been winded by the encounter. The evening was coming to an end. Hearsay's "Pure and Simple" and Kayleigh's favourite song, Take That's, "Never Forget" got everyone back on the floor. Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes, "I've had the Time of My Life", resulted in the now customary sight of intoxicated blokes, trying desperately to hoist aloft equally intoxicated women, with varying degrees of success. Steve's cry of "Aw, Christ Mand! I think I've done a bloody disc!" summed it up perfectly. After attempting a lift, which left Kayleigh shrieking halfway over his shoulder and his hands in places he'd rather keep in the confines of the bedroom, John had settled for simply spinning her around. Even that was somewhat ill-advised, after a full night of food, Champagne and Prosecco. Sinatra's version of "New York, New York" finished off the celebrations with a rousing sing along. It was almost 3 am and time to call it a night, or rather morning. John and Kayleigh wished their remaining guests goodnight as they headed up to the Wedding Suite. Thanking their lucky stars that their flight wasn't until 6pm the next day, they had breakfast in bed to look forward to and a 1pm late check out. John had carried Kayleigh over the threshold of their room to their mutual laughter. The bed was decorated with rose petals and a bottle of champagne was on ice. They contemplated the scene for a few seconds then both collapsed on the bed. They were exhausted...although John did manage to find some not inconsiderable energy from somewhere when he saw what Kayleigh had on underneath that dress.....That late check out really was a blessing....

They finally joined their family members the following morning just before midday, in time for a light lunch and for Kayleigh to ensure that their wedding attire and bits and pieces were safely packed into Mandy's Citroen. Also, for John to put their honeymoon luggage into his car for the journey to the airport...that was, after he took in the state of the little Fiat...Ribbons and streamers were attached to the windows and mirrors and a "Just Married" sign was attached to the back, with a J and K and a huge heart along with tin cans, shoes, boots and lucky horseshoes that were all hanging down from beneath the rear bumper. Steve, smelling faintly of Ralgex Heat Spray after his Patrick Swayze exertions the night before, Paul, Jim, Ben and Alfie, were delighted with their handiwork. They said their goodbyes just after 1pm amid congratulations, hugs, kisses and yet more tears. They were pelted with Confetti, rice and rose petals as they got into the Fiat and rattled their way down the driveway, waving and beeping the horn as they went. They reached their first destination after a thirty minute drive. They both got out of the Fiat and walked a short distance, before John said, "Here it is. This is it." Kayleigh looked down then smiled softly at John. "Well Dad, here she is. This is Kayleigh. My Kayleigh. My wife." "...and this is for you", Kayleigh added, as she crouched down and placed her bouquet on the grave. "He really would have loved you, ya know. He would have thought I was one lucky beggar...and he would've been right." Kayleigh kissed him gently. "I owe him a lot. He was partly responsible for giving me you." "Oh don't hold that against him", John quipped. "I'll be grateful to him for the rest of my life". They stood in silence for a moment, Kayleigh wrapping her arms tightly around John's arm. "He was a good man Kayleigh. A good husband and a good father. I want to be those things too". "And you will be". "You seem very sure". "Oh I am sure. I'm not sure about a lot of things mind but I'm absolutely certain about you". "I love you, Mrs Redmond". "I love you too", she smiled. "It's getting cold...let's go huh?" They slowly walked back to their car. As John started the engine he looked at Kayleigh, smiled and sang, "We're going to Barbados". Kayleigh laughed, then looking at him said, "Do I make you happy John Redmond?" He looked back at her for a second, remembering a long ago night and a missed opportunity...how things had changed, "Yeah...yeah you do...very much...Kayleigh Redmond". They kissed and John started the car. Drifting out of the radio from Forever FM, was an old familiar song, Jimmy Cliff singing, "I Can See Clearly Now". Kayleigh said with delight and an excited squeal, "Ooh, I love this song!" as she reached forward to turn it up. "Me too". John smiled. As they set off they began to sing along....

"I can see clearly now, the rain is gone"

"I can see all obstacles in my way"

"Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind"

"It's gonna be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day"

"I think I can make it now the pain is gone"

"All of the bad feelings have disappeared"

"Here is that rainbow I've been praying for"

"It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day"

"Look all around, nothing but blue skies......"

Their voices slowly faded out as the little red car drove out of sight and a whole new journey had just begun.........Tomorrow would be a very good day.

Pregnant Guitarist Sporking, Chapter One

WOO, this is the first fanfiction I’m sporking. I hope it’s not too bad...

Noodle yawned deeply as she flicked her remote whilst surfing the channels in her bedroom. Nothing amuses her from the screen that she was watching. She wasn't in a mood to watch anything she likes: news; cartoon; dramas; video game reviews;

First, “;” is not correct. You should be using commas. There’s also supposed to be a period at the end of the sentence. Also, they have video game reviews on tv?

Today wasn't her day when she feel lightened up

 What does that mean? I’m genuinely confused...

to watch her favourite channels and relax from a hard guitar and vocal practice with her bandmates to perform for the biggest show in New York that was a couple of months away, 

Why was the practice so hard if the show was a couple months away?

due to her overthinking about her last week night 'activities' with 2D (his real name is Stuart Pot), one of her bandmates who is the blue haired main vocalist in the band, Gorillaz.

“Last week night” Also, I’m pretty sure we don’t need most of this information, considering you’re probably a fan of Gorillaz if you’re reading this.

 She decided to switch off the telly and threw away the remote out of her way, which landed on the soft carpet.

“Threw away the remote out of her way” 

She couldn't take the mind out of it, it made her smile, falling down on bed, and tossed around herself for comfort. She found a comfortable position, her whole body facing down and her head tilting on the other side, she imagined the way she had fun with him.

You know what? I think I’m not even gonna comment on the grammar anymore. Also, the comfortable position was laying face down, but with her head sideways? I don’t think the author is female (i could be wrong), because that position is the opposite of comfortable. Maybe if there were cavities for her breasts on the bed...

The next part’s a bunch of filler, I’m not going to comment on it. Basically 2D calls her name, she gets annoyed, and then goes to the elevator. She’s going to his room.

"Noodle." 2D called her the last time once she entered the vocalists' bedroom. "Nandesu ka, 2D-San? I'm trying to nap!" (What is it, 2D-San) Noodle huffed in her hot boiling tone. 2D left the question rhetorical. He merely motioned her to his bed, where he took a seat and offered Noodle to join in.

I hate when people type Japanese out of translate. It’s annoying, and she probably would speak English to her British friend. Also, since they are very close friends, she wouldn’t say “san.” She also wouldn't have said “Nan desu ka” she would’ve said ”Nani” “Hot boiling tone”I believe it’s ‘boiling hot.’ “2D left the question rhetorical” I believe you meant he didn’t answer the question. “Offered Noodle to join in?” On what? His bed? If so, you said that wrong. 

The next part is a bunch of chatter, then 2D tells Noodle, OH NO, the condom didn’t stay on the whole time? Noodle decides she’s going to take a pregnancy test. “Feelings, feelings, what if they find out I’m dating 2D.... blah blah blah”

She reached to the freedom door in Kong,

WHat is a freedom door? I’m confused about “Kong” this was written in 2012, when they were at plastic beach. Also, Kong burned down. 

where she stumbled and meet her father-figure, a bald African American possessed drummer, 

He’s not possessed anymore

Russel Hobbs. "Where are you going, baby girl?" He asked, concerned of his little axe princess.

“Baby girl?” He’s not her boyfriend/lover. Also, I know the Celebrity Takedown booklet described her as an axe princess, but you don’t have to.

"Alright, be careful." Said Russel in his stern voice, he patted his little girl and watched her left awkwardly, knowing he's watching her just in case something happened.

“watched her left” He watched the left side of her? THIs grAmMAr...

Noodle finally reached the gate, opened in in a hurry and shuts it close as it made a 'click' sound.

You just used like two different verb tenses in a single sentence. I should not be reading this. Also, “shuts it close”

She walked away to the drug store in a quickened pace, trying to not make it obvious.

Trying not to make what obvious?

When she felt her figure lost sight, she turned back to make sure Russel wasn't following her. She could hear his drums from the distance, knowing he wasn't watching her. It was a relief.

Why would it matter if Russel was following her? She’s just going to a drug store. Sure, for a pregnancy test, but she’s a 20-ish year old woman in this.

The drugstore wasn't far, she hoped she didn't bumped to any member she knew.

Seriously, the only one you could bump into is Murdoc. He wouldn’t care what you were getting.

 Entering inside the drugstore has never made Noodle nervous. 

Seriously, why is she so nervous about buying something at a drugstore?

A sales assistant walked towards Noodle with her name tag that says 'Hi, I'm Lucy!'. "Hello there, luv. Anything I could help you with?" Lucy gave a soft smile, not knowing her ginger strands were stuck to her passionate red lipstick.

Why is this an important detail?

"I-I wanted to get a pregnancy test for my sister." Noodle stammered, her face flushed in red.

For your sister? This lady wouldn’t give a fuck if you were buying a pregnancy test for yourself. She wants the day to be over...

The lady guided Noodle to the aisle, where there are different kinds of pregnancy test awaiting. The lady left to help a random customer, leaving Noodle alone to decide on her own. After all, she's a big girl.

Multiple verb tenses

Noodle didn't think about which product is the best. She only picked the one that's cheaper and rushed to pay her test and a bottle of soda.

You’re supposed to buy two tests.

 Her heart races rapidly as she returned back to Kong finishing the last sip of soda and throwing it to the trash can poorly, bumping into her uncle-like, green skinned, snake-like tongue bass player, Murdoc Niccals, who was going to a different direction.

First, this is a run on sentence. Second, VERB TENSES

"What you got there, Iuv?" Murdoc sneered

Why would he care what’s in the bag? Isn’t he supposed to be the non-strict uncle?

pulling the side off the plastic bag with his finger

HE PULLED OFF THE WHOLE SIDE?!

to take a peek.

This sounds like what my doctor says when she’s gonna look at my vagina...

Noodle shrieked and pulled away.

Noodle would absolutely not shriek. It’s more likely that she would punch/elbow him in the face.

Murdoc gave a face, feeling suspicious.

Gave a face?

 "A secret, eh? Fine, be a bitch all you want." Murdoc scoffed off, whilst Noodle stood holding the plastic bag to her chest and walked away quietly to the bathroom. 

Why is Noodle so OOC in all of these fanfictions? It really makes me mad.

Noodle went in the bathroom and stayed in the stall for 5 minutes, looking over the box with instructions and waited for her urine to come out.

Was it necessary for those details? I really don’t care how long she was waiting or what she was waiting for.

She knew the soda trick would work, after overhearing the conversation of 2D and Russel, with Russel explaining why 2D shouldn't drink his cola before bed or he'll let Russel clean his urine off the bed sheets and blankets

Wait, can you say that again but slower? I don’t understand. Also, run-on sentence

she probably gotten that idea when she was younger and remembered teasing 2D for wetting his bed.

That was a long sentence. Also, grammar.

She felt she was coming out, without thinking, she quickly got her absorbent test and urinated under it. She could've gotten a plastic cup but she was so unprepared.

Grammar. But wait, don’t pregnancy tests tell you to use cups? 

Very descriptive details, blah blah blah. She looks at the test.

It has two lines

Oh no, she’s pregnant.

"Oh no." She mouthed and tears prickled out her tear ducts. It rolled down and hit on her hand.

I’m pretty sure they’re not called tear ducts

Her tears gushed, her bawling echoes formed.

There’s something off about this sentence... I’m not sure what...

She heard somebody entering the bathroom, making her quickly pulling her pants up and cleaning the mess around her stall.

What mess? She was literally just urinating on a stick.

She suddenly flushed the toilet and zipped her pants.

Why suddenly? Is it not okay for her to use the bathroom when someone else is there?

"Noodle, is that you?" Noodle heard 2D went in the bathroom and watched his shadow footsteps walked. "Yeah." Her voice cracked, she didn't want him to know she was crying. "I heard you crying, come out luv."

Noodle went out and sniffed.

Went out of what? Business?

2D lifted the shaky hand of Noodle

It would be easier to say “2D lifted her shaky hand”

staring at the test she was holding for a few seconds before Noodle pulled away.

You don’t need to say “Noodle” so much

"I'm pregnant."

Who said that? Also, you don’t know for sure. Buy another test just to be safe.

Noodle looked up with red watery eyes.

*Watery, red

2D pulled her close and rubbed her back. Then he kneeled down, which was about the same height as Noodle.

Excuse me, what? Is this Phase 1? They’re almost the same height

"We'll keep the baby." 2D smiled goofily with his two no-front-teeth showing, which made his girlfriend a lot better, but a thought in her mind made her frown once more.

*sigh* GRAMMAR

"The band-" "Whatever they say, just keep the baby. If we have no choice then we can give it away for adoption."

Why not get an abortion? I know, it’ll probably scar her, but it would be best for everyone.

2D stood with knees bent and kissed the forehead of Noodle.

Once again, it would be easier to just say “her” instead of “of Noodle”

"Thanks, 2D-San." Noodle dropped the pregnancy test on the ground to hold her lover's head and passionately kissed him.

“SAN” STOP. IT’S NOT CORRECT!!!!!!11!!!!!1!1!1!!!!!11!!!!!

Also, don’t let things heat up anymore, or else you’ll end up pregnant again.

As 2D responded back with the kisses, he took the pregnancy test and placed it in his pocket.

Why? Is this gonna be important later?

Sins: 78, not too bad for the first chapter. However, the first chapter was very bad. The next chapter should be coming out around next week Thursday. I don’t own anything