do u wanna battle in a forest later

Y'all I so want to participate in InuKag Week but I don't think I even have the energy to pick up a pen let alone draw stuff 😩😭

...

3/4 games down, sonic 3 & my best boy here we come >:3

Early merry Christmas to women

bound to you, part 3

diluc x fem!reader

wc: 1, 844

author's note: im really edging all of us with this rn goddamn

cw: fem!reader, 18+, no *actual* smut in this chapter but smut from last part is mentioned, MDNI!!!, mentions of anxiety, reader is DEF hiding her feelings, diluc is a soft man because i say so. cheesy "where is my wife" mentioned bc i live for that shit

Did you really leave your door open? You frowned, sitting up in your bed. You were almost positive you closed it, but you had been so needy earlier that your memory felt blurry. You were quiet, though, and no one had a room near your chambers. You fell back onto your pillows, looking out your window at the night sky. Did you really just come undone on your fingers, singing praises to your absent husband? The thought annoyed you, reminding yourself that Diluc pulled away from your touch just this afternoon. You rolled your eyes at the thought and turned away from your window. You considered whether or not you really wanted to know more about your husband, or if your lust earlier had completely clouded your mind. It was definitely lust, nothing more you reasoned. As you kept going over the afternoon’s events, you slowly drifted to sleep in hopes of coming to a better conclusion tomorrow. 

“What do you mean he left this morning? I thought he was finished with business for the season?” you were interrogating Adelinde while you ate your breakfast. Diluc had left the winery and no one knew when he would return. 

“Like I said my Lady, sometimes Diluc has to go away for weeks on end. It can be sudden, but we get along just fine. Don’t worry too much, okay?” you stared at her and finally let out a huff. 

“He said he would spend time with me,” you grumbled, “Not that I care. He can’t stand being near me anyways.” you quickly added after seeing Adelinde’s satisfied smirk as you pouted over your husband’s absence. As she began to clear your dishes from the table, you crossed your arms over your chest. How long would he be away this time? 

After a few days of following Adelinde around begging her to give you anything to do, you finally gave up. Your restlessness knew no end, and you were close to leaving the manor to travel back to Fontaine just to have something to do. As you began to actually consider that thought, there was a loud knock on the manor’s front door. You excitedly bolted to the entrance of the manor, ready to give your husband a piece of your mind. You ran past several maids who were also making their way down to the parlor to greet their unannounced guest. You arrived at the door out of breath, and stood for a moment to compose yourself and smooth your hair before you opened it. To your dismay, it wasn’t your husband on the other side. A young woman with ears and two tails stood in front of you with a package. 

“Lady y/n? Kirara. I have a delivery here for you from Liyue!” you stared at her, dumbstruck. You didn’t know anyone from Liyue. Confused, you remained silent. Kirara furrowed her brows, checking her delivery address again. 

“Lady y/n. That’s you, right? This is the Ragnvindr residence?” 

“Ah, yes it is, I apologize for my behavior. I’ll take that.” You gently took the package from her hands, and smiled as the young woman ran off to continue her delivery route. You looked at the name on the package. Lady y/n Ragnvindr. It still felt strange seeing your husband's last name after your own. Feeling the maid’s eyes on you in the parlor, you excused yourself to your chambers where you could open the box privately. 

You sat on your bed with the package in your lap, carefully snipping the strings that held it shut. You opened it and found beautiful red packaging paper inside with a small note on top. It read:

I have heard that this is the best paint in all of Teyvat, hand crafted by an Adeptus here in Liyue. Use them to your heart’s content.

-D

It couldn’t be. You continued to unwrap your gift, only to discover an assortment of paint that you had only ever dreamed of. It was indeed handcrafted by a reclusive Adeptus from Liyue, and it was incredibly expensive. Considering all of the colors your husband purchased for you, it meant he had given up a hefty sum for them. Your breath hitched in your chest, and you brought the note to your lips. What would you paint? You briefly thought about repainting Diluc’s portrait but you were quickly engulfed by embarrassment just at the thought. What about the Winery? And the vineyard! They were two things that were incredibly important to your husband. You bolted upright and immediately began gathering your things to set up an easel and canvas outside for the perfect view. 

After Adelinde helped you set up your easel on a hill across from the Winery, you quickly got to work. The paints were so smooth and so pigmented you wanted to jump from the excitement. You spent hours that afternoon painting, your mind drifting off peacefully as you worked. Each day you woke up, ate breakfast, and spent hours on that hill trying to capture your home on the canvas perfectly. After a week, you felt you were close to being finished. You just needed a hint of azure blue to finish the sky. You turned too quickly and knocked your paints and brushes all over the ground. With a huff, you crouched to clean up your mess. 

Diluc was relieved to be home. He was only gone for a week and a half this time, but he was exhausted. Adelinde greeted him in the parlor, delegating tasks to the maids so he didn’t have to lift a finger as soon as he walked inside. He sighed with relief. 

“Thank you, Addy. I’m happy to be home.” Adelinde tsked at the old nickname, but she greeted Diluc with a smile.

“Welcome home, Master Diluc. Would you like to change into something more comfortable?” He did, actually, and he wanted to find you as well to apologize for his abrupt absence. While he had been almost too worn out to venture out to Liyue to tie up some loose ends on wine deliveries to Sumeru, he was grateful for the distance after accidentally stumbling upon you touching yourself as his name fell from your lips. 

Damn it, he thought. Of course he was rock hard as soon as the memory flared in his mind. He changed slowly, to let himself regain his composure before he started searching the manor for you. He first went to your chambers, prepared to be more careful than last time. Your door was ajar, though, and he stepped inside only to be greeted by the quiet breeze blowing in from your window. He slowly explored the room, trying to control his urge to pry. He did, however, notice a note at your bedside. It was the handwritten note he sent with your paints. Seeing it set out made him smile, his anxiety being replaced with a warmth blooming in his chest. He moved on, searching the main rooms and even the kitchen in the manor. His anxiety crept back into its permanent home in his chest, and he quickened his pace. He became increasingly stressed after each room, realizing there was no sign of you anywhere. Diluc found Adelinde again in the parlor, agitated.

“Where is my wife?” it sounded more aggressive than he intended, but he was beginning to tire from your continued pushing of his boundaries. He’d give you anything Teyvat had to offer, if only you’d ask. He simply wanted you to stay within the safety his manor provided while he was away. 

“Your wife is outside working, Master Diluc.” Adelinde’s usual playful tone was absent from her voice. Diluc rubbed his palms over his face, ready to crack. This was another boundary you continued to push. He appreciated the enthusiasm you displayed, truly he did. He knew his employees adored it about you as well, but as the Master and last remaining heir of the Ragnvindr clan, he felt there were expectations he needed to meet. One of them being his wife not working tirelessly out in the vineyards. Normally Diluc could care less for expectations but with the Lords of Fontaine breathing down his neck, he became increasingly aware that he sometimes needed to play by the rules. He took a slow breath, and thanked Adelinde before heading out to find you. 

You finished cleaning up the last of your brushes, carefully picking out each strand of grass that was entangled in the bristles. Satisfied with your work, you turned around and slammed right into your husband's broad chest. You look up, only to see his amused face looking back at you. He seemed relieved about something. You push away from him, trying to create some distance between you. He reaches out and swipes a smear of green paint from your sunburned cheeks. 

“Beautiful.” he whispers, his touch lingering. You see the crinkles around his eyes form and you chance a quick look at his lips. 

“The painting, of course.” Diluc grins as your expression sours. You could only grumble wordlessly in response. You turned away, hoping to put the final touches on your painting in peace. Your husband didn’t leave, though, and you became increasingly fidgety under his watchful gaze. 

“I don’t think I meant to paint for an audience when I came out here.” you were doing everything you could to stifle the joy you felt knowing Diluc was home. The manor felt emptier than usual when he was gone this time but you’d never admit that. You began to consider backing out of your plan of giving this painting to him- it felt too personal. Though you did consider the paints he bought you to be a very personal gift, even if he had no idea that you’d always wanted them. 

“You’ve been putting them to good use, I see.” he sounded proud of himself. 

“Yes, I have.” you turned and met his gaze, “Thank you, so much. I actually painted this… for you.” You felt a flush rising to your cheeks and you hoped your face was pink enough to disguise it. He tilted his head, and glanced between you and the painting. You continued,

“I know they cost a fortune. You shouldn’t have.” 

“It's the least I could do for you, after leaving so quickly. I wanted to apologize for my absence.” That was a first. Usually Diluc came and left the winery without a word. Up until recently you both had avoided each other easily, unconcerned with unnecessary chatter. 

“Oh, I- please don’t apologize. I understand how busy you are, there’s no need to dwell on it.” you began to turn away again, but Diluc caught your hand in one of his own. This time it was you that recoiled from the sudden touch, surprised that he’d reach out to you so casually. Your gazes locked, and you could feel your steeled resolve melting by the second. 

“Master Dil- ah… Diluc. Would you like to paint with me this afternoon? 

(I have been trying to write this post for a while, but it keeps coming out like a sob story, and it is really not that deep jkfdgkj

So I am just going to say it, bc you guys know I love to ramble for ages, and I need some opinions

1 year of this blog is tomorrow (or today depending on how long I take to write this kjldfg), and I really do appreciate you all being here - if you have been here since the beginning, or just followed recently - if you've sent an ask, liked, reblogged, shared with a friend, theorised, made fanart, or followed me to my art blog and watched me make (and continue to make) a billion clones, anything; thank you

I made this blog on a whim, only like a week after getting into Pizza Tower, and I had no idea it would turn into what it is now

Of course, in the beginning there were a lot of actual posts, like with backgrounds and multiple characters, and I'd post several times a day if I could - and while I was having fun, it was not ideal - I'd frequently post at 7am after spending all night working on a post then I'd pass out, I'd forgo eating or showering just to draw, and I had wrecked my wrist several times, and continue to push pass the pain just to post

It wasn't just hyperfixation, it was obsession - much easier to realise that in retrospect

I was also medicated at the time, I had been on antidepressants for 3 years, so around April (I think) I ran out of meds and was unable to get more due too third party issues/unable to get in contact with my doctor/etc (and unbeknownst to me at the time, the last two packs I had were expired) - so I am sure you can imagine the sort of affect suddenly going cold turkey on the med that make you not wanna die has on a person - I was not doing great to put it lightly

But I still wanted to continue - so many people had praised me on the frequency of posts, and how excited they were and all this validation - I couldn't let people down! (Also I was, and still am, a disabled shut-in loser with no friends, posting is like the only social interaction I had/have kdfgkgfd)

But I think I did - I intimidated myself out of drawing main posts with how much work they were, started the intermission even though I said I shouldn't, had no script or direction and that I was not 100% invested in to try to motivate myself back into main posts, and it was just easier to draw silly ooc posts than do the thing I really wanted to do instead

Of course, this is not any of you guys' fault - I have always had this issue of starting something, it getting way bigger than I can manage, crashing and then just unable to get going again - I have so many unfinished comics, half-done projects and abandoned askblogs it's not even funny - but it's also like, not the end of the world, if I don't finish things I start for fun - sure, I'll feel guilty as hell for a while, but life moves on

So that being said, I would still very much like to continue the story here - I have been working on some stuff in the background (I even updated Pep's reference in the last few days, with a ton of new stuff), but I still don't think it's gonna be soon - I am doing somewhat better than I was, and I actually have an appointment for with my doctor finally (I will probably have to do some reassessments since they can't just put me back on the meds, after not having them for almost a year, and then I'd have to probably get reaccustomed to side effects etc), so despite it all I am still here

I am not sure if I want to continue the intermission with Bean and Fiend at this time - I know a few folks enjoyed it (mostly bc Fiend kjsdfkj) - but as mentioned previously it was unplanned, unscripted, and I was quickly not feeling it, as I am sure some of you guys were too - the intention was for Fiend to give you guys another hint to the main story, but getting to that point was not fun - I might do a poll on this in a separate post

I also mentioned a while back that I would be cutting down the Big Post into smaller posts, and posting as and when parts were done - but once again, do not expect these soon - (although there is a very late Valentines post coming hopefully soon)

And I think that should hopefully be it for now - I know this is a huge post, and probably still a bit sob story-ish, but oh well - I also know that the hype for Pizza Tower had unfortunately died down significantly, but I'm still working on PT stuff on my art blog @smalltimidbean if you wanna see more silly things (and maybe some lore for here hehe)

It is also the first now, so happy birthday Pep

Okay, thank you, and see you later)

giving a life update bc it makes me feel better about myself feat. another face reveal

I think I'm gonna treat this like a sort of journal entry and include some cute pictures so this doesn't feel like an absolute dump :-)

so to begin here's a picture of my nephew (yes it's a dog)

I am so excited for all my upcoming projects. right now, my focus is on finishing CS all the way. after I finish CS, I think I'm gonna go ahead and come out w HOT TO GO! (BRB x Reader) and then start regularly posting VV and SS again. I think I have my October schedule pinned down (like everything that's coming out) and that is so exciting! I can't wait to share w y'all!

I'm a working girl now!! I nanny 4 days a week!! it's lovely!! just one baby who's only 1!! and the parents work from home so I never have to stay late or anything!! it has been a bit of a challenge getting used to the schedule (but I thrive with schedules!) so that's why I've been a bit absent on here!!

still trying to get my house set up....living room has come a loooooong way, but my bedroom is suffering! hoping to work on it here and there! but my main priority is getting back into my regularly scheduled writing!! the living room def isn't completely done (have to finish my gallery walls!) and I wish the walls weren't white, but we're renting so! I do what I must!

plus being back in the area I'm in now means I'm by my friends again so I've been Going Out And Socializing which is crazy!!! here's some pictures of me at a local brewery wearing the bolo necklace I got with @ohgodnotagainn in Colorado!!!

in all complete and utter seriousness, whenever I was coming out with a new chapter for my three stories every single week (and updating Landslide like every two days!) I was at my lowest point. I was like one nasty thought away from having a grippy sock vacation and holding onto anything that eased my Darkness--which was absolutely writing and sharing on here with everyone!

here's a pic of me when I was at one of my lowest points. I was in Chicago in the dead of winter with people I didn't know very well (it was still fun!) and had never felt more lost in my life. it also exactly coincided with my stories getting popular on here after my 200 follower celebration. like, I remember being on the train and checking my Tumblr every hour and always having 100+ notifications. I'll never forget how mind-boggling it was!! I went from 200 followers in early January to 2.8k now in late September. and I love you all SO much!!!

I'd like to think I look much happier now :-)

I kind of have a bf now and I'm sooooo embarrassed ab it. like. who breaks up with the person they thought they were gonna marry, gets back with their ex, and just stays w them??? me, I guess! no but I am actually happy. we're going to see CHAPPELL MF ROAN'S ALBUM RELEASE tomorrow and he's gonna wear a silk scarf and trim his mustache. I'm in love. like, actually in love. Alice Hoffman says, "Fall in love whenever you can." so I did!

the closest I'll give to a face reveal.....

anyway. I'm happy. the only thing I wanna work on right now is my health (simply MUST get into the hot girl mindset) and my writing!! everything else is gravy, baby!!

gonna try to answer asks / mentions / dm's this weekend!

allow me to give u all my life update:

i got thru day 1 orientation today, it went rlly well actually!! everyone i met was super chill & i even met a girl whose worked in publishing for 5 years in my section AND we share the same bday like what are the chances of that?? but i got rlly good vibes from everyone i met. tho tomorrow is gonna start all of the hard stuff with the orientation classes🥲 am not looking forward to QM1.

(fontaine spoilers) i also got back to my appt and finished the archon quests 😎 i have a lot to say ab it, not all good but not all bad. i don’t rlly like the way they took the fontaine plot or some of their world building for it 😭 but in their defense, my expectations were thru the roof. i was rlly hoping for some 1700s french rev type stuff and i do love focalors but i wish they made her a bit more like ?? menacing 😭 like girl fail, yes, but a girl fail that ppl are scared of bc she’s unstable and conviction-happy. idk, i rlly wanted fontaine to feel more like darker & oppressive i suppose, ppl hanging around but with like a heavy gloom of anxiety over them. and i wish the overall plot would have been a political upheaval/reformation instead of the prophecy — ig inazuma kind of did. this but it was poorly executed imo.

but on a lighter note. i rlly love neuvillette and navia, they were my favorite introduced characters of 4.0 i think. i wish it would’ve been focalors but i’m just so 🥲 over how i pictured her vs how she was. clorinde’s cutscene was SICK and i’m so bummed i have to skip her. but the real star of the show 4 me was childe 🥹 i missed him sm, his final cutscene was done so in well in the court house. altho i am very worried bc some of the comments made were rlly foreboding 🥲 i think that’s all childe > navia & neuvillette > everyone else. ALSO THE TWO NPCS WITH NAVIA!!! i loved them

spoilers over but anyway now i have a fever 🥲 and tomorrow is the first big big day so i’m bummed. 🥲 but i had to update u before i passed out

GUYS I FINISHED ATLANTIS

Big post warning! Spoiler warning! Fictional violence, incest and death mentions warning!

okay so i watched the last eposode of atlantis and i have so many thoughts.

basically, it was AMAZING. i finally got to see my bois kiss💕😭 and i did genuinely think poor icarus was gonna die at that point (which would have been really really bad byg) BUT HE DIDNT

and i loved seeing him fly aswell! he was like a lil prechristian angel...

poor ariadne and jason. i think they really do need to Have A Conversation about their marriage. the writers have done ariadne so dirty in my opinion, basically forcing the two together since episode 1 and then making jason cheat on her with his COUSIN! It really made me hate medea for a while aswell, which she did not deserve looking back. i feel so much of that drama was just unnecessary.

i loved the tension though. it did a really great job of having me on the edge of my sofa THE ENTIRE TIME, stimming like there was no tomorrow. honestly, it was really amazing.

that one violin track, (it might be viola actually idk) but you know, the one that plays when something really dramatic happens. it kept coming back!! i love it.

and the wedding?????????? omg probably best tv wedding scene in history, i think. it was so tense and scary and not at all the big celebratory happy ending most shows do. i mean, there was murder, swordfighting, a woman came back from the dead, princess peach was there- it was badass.

goran was such a good character. i feel like hes the only one whose been doing what he thinks is best for the city this entire time. no specific personal-gain-motivated loyalty, only to atlantis. he was really quite iconic. that actor's been in RSC in the past, which makes sense. cilix aswell, an amazing performance of a really sickening man. 'oilsome' my mum called him.

ooof i was not prepared for pasiphae's death, or her return for that matter. i really didn't want her to be back. imo i think it shouldve been medea scheming to take the throne which wouldve made jason need to go get the golden fleece although the writers probably needed to keep medea dubious for s3 so jason can get with her again when they kill off ariadne bc we can't have good things i mean, maybe they had other plans for the next series.

THE NEXT SERIES! the argo, yknow, the thing that jason's actually famous for, and what this WHOLE THING'S been leading up to for godsake!!!! i'm so devastated we never got the satisfying ending to that story. guess i'm going to spend the next few days reading fanfic and bubbling for hours😭😢😭😢😭

hello, i drafted an aesthetic studyblr post for today, but didn't feel like posting it bc today is an ugly rant kind of day. (more kermits under the cut)

AAAAHHHHHH STUPID FREAKING WINDOWS- 😩😫😭🤬🤬🤬 so i was working on my laptop for these past few days which uses a different ms office version from the computer i switched to today and all my work was LOST!! 😭😭 all the notes i took on OneNote (at least it was just the psyc notes i had done on the laptop - idk what i would do if biochem or mol bio notes were lost. i'd probably cry for real) and all the work i did on that biochem paper? GONE!! my brother uses LibreOffice so i finally switched to that (altho their UI isn't that nice). at this point, i might as well switch to linux (unless that would cause unforeseen problems if i still sometimes do work on windows? idk) 😅 any recs for free notes apps that have a small learning curve and are OneNote-like?

the STRANGEST part is, some of the notes and lost files came back as i was working?? i didn't do anything and i *swear* i wasn't seeing things, so like, WTF??? not that i'm complaining. i hope the entire week of psyc notes i lost comes back. if not, i'll probs rewrite them if i have time. i hope i have time. i really hate this.

also, good thing i didn't like the way i wrote the biochem paper so far. i rewrote the thing in a google doc instead just to be safe and i like the way it flows much better now. AND!!! it's super annoying that i had to do this, but my handwritten notes on the main article i'm basing my paper on were confusing me. like, in terms of the flow of the biochemistry. so i basically rewrote those notes, doing this huge web in paint and idk if i could've done that on the first read instead of the way i did it. i hate feeling like i've done double work.

after rewriting the paper (i'm not even done yet - there are several things i wanna add yet and some facts i wanna clarify) and my notes on the article for said paper, i was exhausted. i tried to switch gears by reading the instructions/background for the biochem discussion post due tmr (that i was supposed to write today 😒) but i don't get it. it's like i didn't cover lipoproteins at all! i don't remember anything! what am i here* for if i can't remember anything?!

update: i answered 1 question for the discussion post. i still have to answer 1 more but i need to finish reading the background info first.

ALSO! i was supposed to study for 6+ hours today. i have no idea how long i actually studied bc i kept stopping and starting the study with me video and i worked through the breaks anyway, so the dinging timers were just annoying.

*"here" as in at uni, studying, although if in the right mood, it could also expand to my entire existence 🙂 (luckily i'm too angry rn to feel philosophical 😒)

okay, let's try not to end so sour. good things that happened today:

physio exercises ✅

skincare ✅ (i have added lip balm to the list asides from lotion bc the chapped state hurts 🙁)

mol bio quiz ✅

journal ✅

tomorrow will be better. and if it doesn't start out right, imma fight it until it is and i won't be defeated 😠

Listen to the silence!!

|°Rumor:Jamil works so hard but you seem to be able to drag him away from planning kalims 2022 Christmas party! |°Rumor warning:fluff, gn!reader,sfw,overused words(?), Grammer/spelling errors,this was written at 10pm last night....It's 7am the next day. |°Keys:1,527 |°Ads: I'm so sorry if this is ooc it was rushed and I really wanted to get this one done bc I found it so cute;;I love Jamil but I can never fully write his character because he is just so rahhhh.[Event list here!]

Take a moment to imagine alone time with Jamil. Something this man hardly has, imagine how he would make a snarky comment but still lay beside you, imagine how close he is, how you can feel his hair tickle your fingers and cheek, how his breath is fanning your ear.

Jamil never has a moment's peace; no matter what time of the day he is always busy with something and today he was especially busy because kalim had asked jamil if he could hold a christmas party tomorrow. Jamil would have denied it, but he knew kalim would keep asking. With that said, you were very unsure if you should tell him to take a break. I mean– you did really want to and you knew he needed it. But then again you didn't want to disturb him and give him a sour attitude by mistake. Now look at him, with darkness under his eyes and his battery at five percent. He was hardly even there, he would space out and always was seen with a coffee or something that can give him energy- It was strange!!! Nobody ever saw Jamil like that before so it took the school by shock when they caught him dozing off in the middle of conversation.

“Hey Jamil…..” you were testing the waters to see if he was in a bad mood, Jamil who was sitting in the lounge was scribbling things down on lots of papers. Just standing there awkwardly you waited for him to answer, “Jamil?” No answer.. You took it upon yourself to just tap his shoulder instead of trying to talk to him. 

“Oh y/n, what are you doing here?” he asked, hardly taking his eyes off the paper. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. You seem like you need a break!” Jamil let out a long sigh, “I'm sorry y/n but I'm bus-” before he could finish his sentence kalim chimed in: “That's a great idea y/n!!” 

Jamil felt a headache coming when he heard kalim, “Kalim there is far too much to do for the party.” kalim sat there for a moment and began to think, “But you've been working too hard Jamil! How about I finish up for you!” The white haired boy was practically beaming at this point, meanwhile the black haired one tried to think of something to keep kalim away from his hard work. But he stopped when he realized it would end up useless. Kalim would always do as he pleased no matter what Jamil said, like when he tried to give Jamil a pet tiger on his birthday or the time Jamil told kalim he can't invite the music club to a asim family meeting. All those times ended up useless. “Fine.” Jamil said reluctantly, ``you were quite surprised when Jamil grabbed your hand and started taking you somewhere.

                                    [Jamil's room 1:56pm]

You just sat there.  Is he mad at me? You thought to yourself. Jamil hadn't spoken to you once this whole time, you felt pretty upset since you wanted to hang out but here he was sitting at the desk filling our more papers. You thought he was much kinder to you as-of-late and he would try to make conversation with you in the class or halls maybe even at  parties that you always seem to be invited to. But no, he still is the same distant Jamil viper. Or that's what you think: Jamil is a lair if he says he doesn't wanna talk to you, because he sure as hell does. (But he is rather busy at the moment so you have to wait) He actually likes talking to you, the way you say the most random yet enduring things makes his smile on the inside. He liked it when you were around him because it make him feel all happy on the inside even though you give him grey hairs from the dumb stuff you do. You can even go as far as to say he cares about you. Alot. But what was the strange feeling he felt now? It felt like an arrow just flew into him, it wasn't painful. No. It actually felt really nice. What was this feeling?

His feelings fell into shades of reds, violets, blues and yellows. But, he didn't want them– he tried to blow away from how he felt about you. But every time he blows them away like the winter wind it always seems to come back. Some called it puppy love, that kiddy hope for love that lots of children outgrew with time– but Jamil? No. Oh no, Jamil never got to experience that as a kid. So this was a foreign feeling to him. It made him wonder why a feeling danced its way to his heart when you were around and how he would subtly take care of your health or worry for you. What was that funny feeling when yall locked eyes? That same feeling returned for its encore when you had asked him a question, a phrase so simple yet so complex at the same time. “Do you wanna take a nap? With me that is.”

How was he meant to reply? Would he really stoop so low? Do you think he would fall for those glorious eyes you have? Yes. Yes he did, he fell for it all. You held such sincerity in your tone he didn't know what he wanted to do, for a moment he just looked at you with blank eyes. When he came to his senses he didn't say anything, all he did was walk over to the bed and look down at you. “.........” Silence filled the room as your thoughts began to race, “why is he just standing there????” ……….….… ………….“jamil?” You muttered, he just kept staring at you and it was creepy- well not exactly creepy just uncomfortable because it looked more like a glare. Finally he stopped staring and moved, in fact he only moved closer. You felt your face warm up with the sudden close proximity. 

Thump! 

      Next thing you know he was in your grasp, turns out Jamil moved too fast and fell, likely from the lack of sleep he was getting.  Now here you are, having Jamil in a holding position trying to keep him from leaving. “Y/N LET GO OF ME!?” Jamil screeched, “NO!? JAMIL YOU NEED TO REST!” you yelled back keeping the same energy, Jamil kept thrashing around and you kept holding him. There were some close calls when yall almost fell head first on the floor but you managed, Jamil though was fighting for his life like a rabid animal– yes after sometime he calmed down but it was still hard to make him stop moving! When he stopped moving you began your process of helping him relax.

Your hold felt like he had been graced by a warm patch of sun on a cold day. (Completely different from the choke hold ten minutes ago) It almost felt reassuring. How you whispered words of affirmation and praise in his ears, letting them rock around his head. He was praised alot so it normally wouldn't matter to him– he grew accustomed to not taking the words of others too seriously. But your words were different, your words were filled with thousands of different spices. With you, Jamil could be himself. Your words made ripples in his ocean of thoughts and caused a disturbance; it wasn't an unwanted disturbance– in fact it was welcomed with open arms! For a moment he wanted to praise you as well, he wanted to tell you how courageous you are, how much of a help you are. He wanted to explain how much he appreciates you.

Yet he stayed quiet. He didn't mutter a single word, letting the silence engulf yall two on the bed. He laid there completely devoted to relaxing, but how could he when he is so close to you, he can hear the soft thumps of your heart and your soft breathing. He continued to listen to your heart, his ears left no room for any other noise.

“Maybe just this once I can be selfish..” He mumbled just above a whisper, it took you by surprise– to hear him voice his idle thoughts like that; normally he would let them sit in the corners of his mind but just now he sat them upon the pedestal for all peering eyes to see. You hummed, letting the vibrations catch up to his ears. You saw how he turned his face away when it finally caught up to him. But you paid no mind, you took off his hair tie and slowly untied his braids. He slowly tried to raise his head up to give you a questioning look but before he could you started messaging his scalp. (You can't tell me he wouldn't like it bc he would)  He rested his head back on your torso as you started playing with his hair, rubbing his scalp and loosely rebraiding some strands, slowly but surely he fell asleep in your hold.

i have this under the quote "Yes, I'm drunk. And you're beautiful. And tomorrow morning, I'll be sober but you'll still be beautiful." from the movie the dreamers (2003) bc i'm that unoringial lmao [make up a reason as to why Akane must go to a gala and is dragging Ranma as her date; they’re best friends sharing an apartment au]   ranma/akane 1,253 words part 1 (althought not rly)

“Ranma!”  

The young man was leaning forward, staring at himself in the mirror as he dragged his long fingers through his oversized fringe, ruffling it just perfect. It wasn’t every day that he needed to dress presentable, with the sense of escorting Akane in front of all her colleagues, he needed to make a good impression. He didn’t know why, but he did know it was important to him.  

He held in a long breath understanding that he wasn’t actually presenting her as his date.  

“Where are you?”  

Her voice only got closer, knowing she was now down the hall from reaching the communal bathroom. And when he pulled himself away to take a glance at her, it was undeniably how breathtaking she was. She was wearing a very seemingly elegant spaghetti strap dress, with the cinched side of her waist overlapping into a ruched split just midthigh. She walked toward him, her barefoot loud on the wooden floors as she held up two necklaces, one in each hand, enthusiastic as she asked, “Which one?”  

He scoffed, cocking a thick eyebrow high as he shrugged his shoulders, “How would I know.”  

“Well,” she laughed out loud in a breath, looking up at him momentarily before looking back down at the jewelry in her hands, “which one do you think would look pretty on me?” There was a timid grin tugging at the corner of her very glossy mouth and god did it tug at his heart. Her eyes were absurdly wide, batting her long eyelashes as she watched him watch her with her flushed cheeks taunted him entirely into matching the color of her rosy blush. Her voice had been spoken in an exasperated tone, as if she were expecting a different response but he just didn’t know which response.  

“I have the gold one,” she continued observing the thick chain, “which is more of a bolder look. But the silver one seems more submissive,” she glanced up at him once again, just for a tad second before refocusing on the thinner chain, “or elegant, I should say.” She chuckled at the way she had finished her explanation, but he had not.

Ranma was trying to remember how to breath as to not intoxicate himself with the bewitching scent Akane’s perfume was emitting. He was just too close to her, and his mind was too muzzy to think about anything else but the way some of her dark strands just barely touched her bare shoulders. And how he so desperately wanted to touch her. He wanted to reach down and drag the palm of his hands up and down her arms and lock her down and... 

“So, which one?”  

He cleared his throat, looking away instantly with a slight set of rolled eyes, “Geez, you ask me questions I can’t answer, ‘Kane.”  

“You can’t tell me which necklace makes me looks pretty?” She groaned, her stance following as he began to walk away, just barely nudging him on the shoulder.  

“Okay, okay,” Ranma laughed, his own grin wide as he raised both hands defensively, “the gold one.”  

“The gold one?”  

“Hey, you wanted an answer, I answered.”  

“God, you’re such a dummy.”  

-:-

Akane appreciated that Ranma was trying, but considering his tipsy state of being, she couldn’t deny it was hard to maneuver the both of them up the stairs to the apartments. The party had been a delight, and Akane had appreciated that Ranma had offered to accompany her not caring that he didn’t know any of her coworkers, but he might had gone a tad overboard with the champagne. She had insisted that one glass should last a moment, and it’d be best if he’d enjoy the drink slowly with a bite.  

But of course, Ranma was Ranma, and she knew this very well. By the fourth glass, and a whole platter of yakitori skewers, the pigtail wearing man was more drunk than he’d like to admit. Of course, other drinks had contributed in getting him as he was, but by the end of the night he was fascinated by the champagne.  

At last, they had reached the third floor, and within minutes she had removed her heels and his dress shoes before guiding the both of them to the living room sofa. “God,” she grunted as she sat him down, trying to adjust him just as his body decided to slant onto its side when he began to doze off, it seemed, “you really are dope.” Still, Akane lifted his legs onto the sofa and stuffed a pillow under his head, ignoring the way Ranma insisted he could do it himself.  

She took a moment to fetch him a glass of water, setting it on the coffee table and then settling herself to sit on the floor next to him with her knees against her chest to help rest her chin atop, noting she was eye to eye with him. She chuckled loudly, her eyes admiring his flushed face as her arm reached toward him and used the palm of her hand to push his bangs out of the way. 

Aside from the hint of alcohol, he smelled good; it was such a familiar scent, one that was comforting and familiar and allowed her to relish the essence of what she considered reassurance. Reassurance of what, she did not know, but it was nice. The tip of her fingers dragged down his forehead and the bridge of his nose, stopping at its pointy tip momentarily before continuing at its side along his cheekbones and cheeks and then along his jawline.  

“Aw..Aw-kah-neh,” Ranma breathed deeply through his nostrils, startling her briefly as she watched his eyes scrunch together as if in pain.  

“I’m right here, Ranma,” she answered, sitting up straight, “did you want me to take you to your bedroom?” she offered.  

He shook his head slowly, a mischievous smirk suddenly making itself known as he blinked his eyes open. “The gold,” he gulped through his dry mouth and throat, “looks beautiful on you.”  

Akane shouldn’t have felt her cheeks and neck heat up as fast as they did, but they did, and she wanted to look away and smack him silly because he was apparently talking such nonsense in his drunken state. Although she also found herself smiling timidly at him, embarrassed, even if she did not know why.  

Nonetheless, she found herself replying, “Thank you, Ranma.” 

Ranma usually didn’t express himself so openly about her in such a way, but she’d accept a compliment over anything else any day.  

“You’re beautiful.”  

Stop. Stop! STOP!  

“And you’re drunk,” Akane chuckled nervously, “I think you’ll feel different in the morning.” she insisted.  

But Ranma grunted, shaking his head in disbelief as he laid sideways, looking straight ahead at the brown-eyed young woman who was now trying to look at anything but him. “Akane,” he called her, his voice soft and low, but very clear and direct that he wanted her to look at him. And so, she did. She sat with her knees pressed against her chest, her arms now wrapped around them as her chin rested on said knees. And she waited on him to continue, looking at the way he was looking at her.  

“Ranma,” she mimicked teasingly, her voice just as soft and just as endearing.  

“Yes, I’m drunk. And you are beautiful.” He smirked so sharply; she needed help keeping her heart staying still. “And tomorrow morning, I'll be sober, but you’ll still be beautiful.”  

I am having a very strange relationship with mental health currently and I need to talk about it or I feel like I'll explode!!! This is not all actually bad it's just like what is happening!!!!! Under cut bc I am just kinda rambling and don't know what I'm saying really and I'll probably delete this bc I will probably feel extremely weird about talking about it by the time I wake up tomorrow but!! Like j said I just feel like if I don't say anything I'm gonna explode!!!!!!

Like bad stuff out of the way first I guess there's like. Really traumatic realization about My ex-relationship where it's like. OH I was a literal child so I had no idea that was abusive but that was Really Fucking Abusive and I don't know how to deal with that?? I haven't even talked to that person in years and I'm in a much healthier and happier relationship now but like it is kinda fucking me up simply because I have no idea how I'm supposed to handle trauma that I didn't even know was trauma until after I'm far out of that situation. Also been having WAY more paranoia and weirdly vivid nightmares lately but I honestly have zero idea if those are related or not.

HOWEVER like literally don't worry about that at all ever BECAUSE despite those way lower lows than I usually have I have ALSO been having way higher highs in my mental health!!!!! And I don't know why!!!!! I knew moving would help with my depression a lot simply bc I'd be out of my shitty school and shitty cold garage bedroom and away from my shitty stepdad and away from the city (I do not handle loud and crowded and busy environments well) and now I live out in the middle of nowhere where it's quiet and I love it! But like for the last 4 years I've lived here I still felt like my depression had dulled like ALL my care about things down even if the depression itself kinda faded away. Like I got to the point where I wasn't crying myself to sleep every night, but I would read maybe 3 of my already-liked books a year and ignore my entire shelf of unread stuff, I had my favorite wizard outfit I'd wear on special occasions but every other day I'd just wear pajamas or a T-shirt and jeans because I couldn't be assed to do anything more, I'd have entire boxes of half-finished sketches because I would start drawing and lose interest halfway through the sketch, I have bins of art and decorations that I meant to put on my walls years ago and never did. But now!! Just in like the past few weeks specifically!!! I don't know why but I have had so much drive to DO THINGS!!!!! I WANT TO DO THINGS AGAIN!!!!! I've been reading!! Like, actually reading actual novels!!! Like I did when I was little where I was obsessed with making sure every book on my shelf got read at least once!!!!! I've been going through my closet and my accessory bins and makeup and pairing up what looks good!! I've actually been coordinating outfits and trying to make all my clothes have as much personality and fun as my one (1) special wizard outfit I wear!!! I had a bit of extra cash bc of holiday cards and I bought myself some armor despite knowing what it takes to maintain it and keep it nice because I actually have the motivation to upkeep it and find what clothes I have that will look good with a chestplate and pauldrons!!! (It also looks EXACTLY I mean EXACTLY like Laios Dunmeshi's armor so bonus autism win there)!!!!! I dug out my boxes of unfinished art and have been trying to finish old pieces!! I found my old half-filled notebooks and have been filling the blank pages that were leftover!!!!! I've been working on zines, I've been WRITING again (I fucking LOVED writing when I was a kid but grew to hate it eventually), I have multiple rough drafts for graphic novels and animations and in-universe 1st person perspective fantasy research journals!!!! I've been putting up art prints that've sat in boxes for years!!! I've been looking for where a shelf would go nicely to display my trinkets and nick knacks!!! I've been looking into 3D printing lightswitch covers with cool designs and figuring out what to paint on my bookshelves!!!!!!! I'm honestly extremely nervous and scared that this is temporary, and that soon I'm going to fade back into not caring about these things, and that if it goes away again it won't come back like what's happening now - but I am trying my best to keep caring and keep Loving life the way I haven't in years!!! And that is all anybody can do I think!!!!!!!

Halfway through the week! Hi Kelsey!! How are you doing?? 🥰 Happy Valentine's Day 🩷🩷✨️

hi ashley !! happy wednesday! and happy valentine's day 💓!!

i'm doing okay <3 i'm actually getting ready to go to bed super soon. i had the longest day everrrr. i got to work, and there were like 20+ huge banker's boxes jam-packed with files that i had to go through. my boss expected it all to be done by the end of the day (physically impossible) and it was, in fact, not done by the end of the day, so...i will be doing more of that tomorrow. and he's like...old, right (70+), so you would think he'd be like chill with the fact that i'd want to sit and do the work (mind you, i'm wearing heels), but he was literally like "stand while you do it, it's faster," not even being snippy or anything, just like genuine, and i was like??? ummm, ok :). and then sat down the minute he went to his office. like i'd been on my feet for an hour+ at that point and my legs were shaking bc my feet hurt so bad, he's insane if he thinks i was gonna sort PAPER for a SHREDDER for 8 hours on my feet, idgaf about productivity times. this firm has 3 people. anyway, he told me i can wear jeans and gym shoes tomorrow 😭 which is unheard of for a law firm, so...win?

anyway, i just came home and did homework after that. i thought i would have two long assignments like always and it turned out i only had 1! yay! and then i just finished doing a little bit of writing (i've been toggling with the same 3.6k words since sunday and finally have gotten it down to 3.3k so i can officially move on now.) also, i drove successfully to work!! i actually followed my uncle on the way there and he followed me home, but i survived <3 my family is mostly worried bc i work very close to what is the biggest mall in my state sooo traffic is crazy and the route is so wonky. anyway, LIVED. i've never driven by myself before !

how are you? how was yesterday? i hope today was nice, even if i'm very late answering this!!

howdy folks... long time no talk... i promised i’d explain Why i’m here... after MONTHS of being absent... and so yeah- here i am. 

so in the time i’ve been gone... a lot has changed in my life, and the major explanation for my absence is i simply haven’t had the time to focus on these things... and in the last couple of months, i’ve actually been on the opposite side of the country, doing an internship. it’s been an amazing experience, and i’m actually currently looking for a job here since the internship ended this past week. have an interview tomorrow even, which is cool.

BUT- why i’m on here now, saying all this, is a friend of mine i’ve made in the time i’ve been absent, was talking to me regarding writing styles and such and the narratives influencing the way you write them... and idk how many of y’all remember or knew that i wrote aus/fic... beyond the whole uh- media analysis stuff i used to do on here and enjoyed for a while... bc i don’t think i tended to publicize that here much... 

but if you’re someone who did know that, you probably remember my biggest / most in depth au... xoxo... a project that i was reminded of GREATLY by my conversation with my friend tonight. now i feel bad leaving All of my aus unfinished like that, it was truly never my intention to abandon any of my work, life just... got in the way. but i feel especially sad over xoxo... and this is me getting on my tumblr blog that i haven’t used in ages besides that day we thought twitter might go down. and hadn’t touched in so long before that... 

saying that, i think i’m gonna try to get back into writing xoxo... and i think i’m going to make a concerted effort to finish it. i don’t know when the next update is going to be. i don’t know if i will 100% finish this au. but i do know i want to try to write it again. because i miss it. and i miss the lovely people i would talk about it with. and if even a handful of them are still interested in the story- or even 1 or 2... that would be worth it for me. and hey, maybe it’ll find some new readers too. which honestly- could make it all that much more fulfilling.

--

for the sake of everyone who Doesn’t know what i’m talking about but is interested or needs/wants reminding / wants to reread her...

LINK HERE