Your narrator design is super cute (platonic) and he's such a silly little guy, you should totally draw him more

(draw him more indeed)

Isnt he just giggle,,

Vice-Dorm Leaders + Ruggie reacting when MC asks to take care of their Bug-Type Pokemon

someone already made their interactions with pokemon, but I decided to do with only pokemon with bug types! (and I had so much fun writing jamil's reaction)

Trey Clover - Venomoth

Didn't really seem concerned about taking care of a bug, as long as it makes you happy;

Actually he thinks your pokemon is really pretty;

Your Venomoth could sense his natural calmness and his kind nature, quickly warming up to him;

Your pokemon didn't cause much of a trouble in fact. Riddle was worried about that it could ruin the dorm's garden or startle the other students, but it behaved really well;

Trey loved to spend time with Venomoth and your pokemon feels the same. He wouldn't mind taking care of it more times.

Ruggie Bucchi - Yanma

''Geez Y/N! No, I won't eat your bug! As long as you pay me properly... Shishishishi! Just kidding! Bugs are too disgusting to eat!~''

Your Yanma is really energetic and curious, often flying away to explore the surroundings in its quick speed;

Ruggie is already used to taking care of annoying creatures ahem Leona so he isn't really bothered anymore of running around and fixing the mess your pokemon causes;

However he almost had a heart attack when your Yanma started buzzing around Leona's ears;

He had a hard time avoiding your Yanma getting eaten or catched by the students of Savanaclaw because of its annoying and energetic behavior;

The money compensated all his sweat, however he will not accept taking care of your bug unless you agree paying him double.

Jade Leech - Galvantula

''Oya, oya? I'm sure I am going to be very entertained with this little friend of yours... Of course I will take extremly care of it too~''

Even if his facial expression stays the same, his eyes sparks with adoration and curiosity about your Galvantula, watching every single of its moviment;

Floyd was also enchanted by your pokemon, multiple times trying to squeeze them with joy, the bug however, was not a little bit pleased;

Ending up in a funny situation where your Galvantula uses Thunder Wave on Floyd, paralysing him in a funny position for the rest of the day;

Jade had lots of fun with your pokemon, that passed the whole day getting startled by people and using thunder wave on them;

''Feel free to let me take care of your little friend whenever you want. I never had so much fun like this before... Fufufu~''

Jamil Viper - Ariados

He died;

Jk, but he almost passed out when he saw that your ''pet'' was a big spider;

He agreed reluctantly only because it was you, as you both were really close and he ended up owing you a favor;

His idea was only to watch for your pokemon from a considerate distance;

However it wasn't part of his plans your pokemon get so quickly attached to him because of its kind and clingy nature;

Resulting in unexpected moments of your Ariados crawling on him or suddenly popping in front of him upside down hanging in its spider webs;

Jamil freaked out at least 10 times on that day;

''Awww! Look at it! It really liked you, Jamil!'' - Kalim would smile fondly as the pokemon rubs its head on Jamil's leg, who watched with a terrified look;

He definitively would never owe a favor to you anymore if that means having to take care of the clingy Ariados again.

Rook Hunt - Metapod

He got a bit surprised by the pokemon's appearance, but didn't mind taking care of it, because he quickly noticed the calm and sleepy nature;

Your Metapod would crawl around the Pomefiore walls, sometimes just randomly sleeping in there, having nothing for Rook to worry about;

Except when he hears terrified screams coming from Vil's room;

''Eeewwww! Who let this... this... DISGUSTING creature get inside my room?!'' - Vil whined, Rook getting surprised of how quick your pokemon changed its sleeping spot;

He went through a hard time calming Vil's nerves, reassuring that this won't happen again and that the Metapod belongs to you;

''What kind of questionable taste for pets this potato has?!'' - Vil complains, but eventually letting go of the pokemon's presence, but still getting a bit startled and keeping a distance everytime he spots your Metapod;

Besides that happening, your pokemon didn't gave much of a trouble, Rook happily assuring you that can still count for him to take care of your ''sweet'' pokemon.

Lilia Vanrouge - Scolipede

Got super excited when you asked to babysit your Scolipede and got extra excited when find out that it was actually a pokemon;

Your pokemon got really distant and grumpy. It didn't like the idea at all of staying away from you;

Lilia tried really bad of playing around with your Scolipede, who only gave glares and threats of attacking;

But the happy lil' Lilia didn't give up yet to make your pokemon warm up to him;

When you finally returned, Lilia handed your buddy, who was with an extremly exhausted look;

''Fufufu...! We had plenty of fun together! Count on me to take care of your friend again~~!'' - He smiled.

Requests are open!!~

In the end of it all, Monaca Towa was still a child.

To start this off, this isn't my usual Black Butler posts but ive been meaning to talk about Danganronpa for a hot minute, so please bear with me! Second, this is solely my opinion and before anyone wants to attack me please read thoroughly first. Thank you:)

(Spoiler warning for Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls and Danganronpa 3)

Also, before we dive in I'm going to list some trigger warnings:

Physcological abuse

Physical abuse

Manipulation

P*dophillia

Suicide attempt

Violence (?)

Childhood trauma

Please take care and read at your own risk<3

Hello there Danganronpa fandom! Today I will be talking about Monaca Towa (as stated in the title) and how people often minimize her trauma and sometimes forget the fact that shes still a child who got heavily manipulated by Junko too.

Monaca is seemingly very amiable and caring, because of her charming personality, all of the Warriors of Hope love her and try their best to keep her happy and go along with what she wants. However, it's slowly revealed that she is actually manipulative and cunning behind her friendly facade.

Monoca is a character that is cruel, manipulative, and extremly unhinged. Many of her actions cannot be excused or justified, but you can understand where she's coming from.

Monaca's Backstory:

She was born an unwanted child by both her father and her mother. Monaca's mother was supposed to take care of her but instead abandoned the child soon after her birth. Because of all her actions, Monaca saw her mother as a completely selfish and pathetic person. Monaca's father thought of giving her to an orphanage but instead took her into his family.

However, Monaca was always unwanted and everyone else felt uncomfortable around her. Every time Monaca smiled or joked, the others looked at her coldly, as if she didn't deserve to laugh. Every time she spoke, the others turned silent. His older-half brother thought of her as an alien, not part of the family.

She was also physically abused to the point that she pretended to be seriously wounded for them to stop as a result.

Monaca also attended Hope's Peak Elementary School and was part of the "trouble-makers class" along with Nagisa, Masaru, Jataro, and Kotoko.

Along with her fellow abused classmates, she planned a group suicide; however, Monaca never had any plans to commit suicide in the first place and was planning to let the others die as a prank.

The group suicide was stopped by Junko, who took the kids in and manipulated them by treating them with kindness and love.

Monaca then helped Junko mass produce Monokumas for the Tragedy by using her position as a representative of the Towa Group.

She lied to her father and the other adults in order to produce the Monokumas, telling them that she wanted to create futuristic robots that could be domestic helpers and emergency aid workers.

Due to her separation from the family and her genius, her family decided to give her leg room to do what she wanted as long as she brought in profits to the company, and didn't delve too deeply into her plans.

Things to keep in mind about Monoca's backstory:

She was emotionally and physically abused from a very young age.

She started to pretend to be paraplegic because she was finally treated with some kindness and she could have more control over people.

She convinced Nagisa, Jataro, Kotoko and Masaru to commit suicide.

Out of all the Warriros of Hope, Junko took the most intrest in Monoca due to her position, meaning that she was the one who got used and manipulated the most.

How Monoca's mindset works:

The moment she got physically abused to the point that she had to fake her injuries to make her family feel bad was the moment she learned that through sympathy from others comes power. Due to her families neglection and abuse, she started to quickly pick up on things in which benefited her yet hurt others.

She started to use manipulative tactics on her family to gain control over them. She then started implicating these tactics with the Warriors of Hope.

When Junko got into the picture, everything changed for the worst. Junko was the only person in Monaca's life who showed her affection. Even though deep down Monaca knew Junko only cared for her as a means to use her robotics genius for the Tragedy, Monaca didn't care, and happily helped out Junko with her plans if it meant being loved and appreciated in return. At the heart of it, despite all her horrific acts, that's a very child-like thing to do, right? So when Junko dies, Monaca's entire reason for living basically disappears.

AI Junko via Kurokuma may have planted the idea of a successor in her head, but in Monaca's mind it's a way to get her big sis back, and very specifically chooses to mold Komaru into becoming Junko's successor. That's for a big reason, Monaca doesn't want to become Junko, I'd say she actually just wanted her big sister back who would love and appreciate her again, and hence tried to make someone else take on that role initially. Once again, that's the mindset of a child.

Monaca's relationship with the Warriors of Hope:

The Warriors of Hope are a group of children who are extremely resentful and hateful of adults, regardless of whether or not they were involved in their rough paths. 

We all know that the Warriros of Hope are extememly tramutized kids. Masaru had alcoholic parents who physically abused him, Jataro was physcologically abused to the point he bealived he was so ugly that if anyone saw his "repulsive" face they would die, Kotoko was r*ped multiple times by disgusting p*dophilic men (not to mention, Monaca's brother was attracted to her), and last but not least we have Nagisa who had pressuring parents who wanted to raise him as the child prodigy and expirimented on him constantly.

Monaca used the Warriros of Hope's trauma against them, manipulating them to the point were they had to do her bidding completly.

As much as I hate to say it, Monaca truly saw them as pawns. Although there are some instances where she openly declares her care for the Warriors of Hope, it's likely she does that as a form of emotional manipulation.

If anything, she probably did see them as equal in the beginning but then when she started to gain control over her own family, she started to do the same with the Warriors of Hope as a way to protect herself from getting hurt, then again this is my baseless assumption.

Her dynamic with Nagito:

Monaca was amused by Nagito's strange behavior and contradicting beliefs and appeared to be somewhat annoyed with him at the times. However, the two appeared to at least seemingly respect each other in some way, as they treated each other somewhat formally as allies.

Her dynamic with Nagito is one of the most intresting ones. Obviously I think that her being rasied by Nagito was potentially a dangerous thing, considering Nagito's goal was for Monaca to become Enoshima's successor. Monaca seemed to agree with this goal, but Nagito's constant rambling about hope and despair made Monaca bored and feel embarrassed about the whole thing.

She claims he made her an adult in a way, as she grew up in the mental sense and became more cynical and apathetic, not really caring about anything.

In the end, Monaca found Nagito creepy and annoying, but she also appeared to get closer to him during their time together, while originally calling him just "Mister Servant" in UDG, she later refers to him as "Big Bro" in Danganronpa 3. I do think their dynamic was sort of soft and I would've loved to have seen more of it. Honestly the concept of Nagito being a soft brother to Monaca warms my heart, and the wasted potential will forever anger me.

(If any Danganronpa fanfic writer or any writer in general is reading this post: if u could be so kind and do a PLATONIC Nagito and Monaca prompt and tag me in it, I would love you forever!!)

My opinion on Monaca:

I think that Monaca was a very well-written character who deserved more than what she got in the end of Danganronpa 3. She was abused, mistreated and belittled by her family. If anything, I see her as a completely misguided little girl. If she actually had a positive authoritative influence in her life, she wouldn't have turned astray.

A lot of people disregard Monaca's trauma and forget that at the end of the day, Monaca was a child who the moment she was born, the people who were supposed to love her were unwelcoming.

Don't get me wrong though, there is no way in hell I will ever justify or condone the things Monaca has done. If anything, I just think that she alongside the rest of the Warriors of Hope should've been properly taken care of.

Also, if you dislike/hate Monaca thats 100% valid! She did a lot of inexcusable things and its alright to hate on her. I personally love her character but I know she is not everyones cup of tea.

If you read all the way, I'm actually surprised! Thank you and I hope you enjoyed<333

Dazai Deep Dive???

TW for Suicide, Depression, Alienation, and other things. Please read with caution.

Disclaimer, I of course don't think any of the bad things Dazai did were okay, but I am gonna explain why I think he did them and his reasoning. Reasoning of course does not equal an excuse and explaining why does not mean I condone any of this

Inspired and based on this post by @raventhekittycat

Dazai uses the pronoun "watashi" the most in the anime and manga. Its a very gender netural, and somewhat formal pronoun and very common, but not usually for males in Japan. SO, here's where this gets fun. Dazai is based more off the character from the book No Longer Human than the actual author and in that book a big thing is like alienation and shit. Basically one reason anime/manga Dazai uses 'watashi' is because his character is written to feel alienated and out of place, like he doesn't belong, so using 'watashi' allows him to have the most distance, from people and language and all that shit, cause its the MOST neutral pronoun. It's not that he sees himself as being genderless, it's that he sees himself as being humanless (this is why his ability No Longer Human always hurts me cause I've always had the feeling he didnt feel human). Also, fun fact, in 15 Dazai uses the male-typical pronoun of 'boku', and I think its cause he was comfortable with Chuuya, with his life at the time, but as time goes on he starts using 'watashi', he's using it by the Dark Era episodes. He's using 'watashi' to feel a disconnect from being a human, because he doesn't feel human (No Longer Human hahahahaha cry). He's also letting himself not get as close to people, and for him, using 'watashi' helps him feel that disconnect he thinks is there.

Knowing that Dazai doesn't feel human, that he feels a disconnect from his humanity and other humans, this could help explain why he did some of the things he did. Let's keep in mind he has a record of 138 counts of conspiracy to murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud and other crimes. So not a good dude basically. One big thing would be his abuse of Akutagawa. Probably one of his worst crimes in the eyes of the fandom (and I don't disagree with that at all). But, I think a big reason he was willing to do so much is cause he does feel a disconnect from being human. With him not feeling human, he doesn't think it matters what he does. He was told to train Aku and make him strong. So he did, and it didn't matter to him how he did it because he's not 'human'. We see Chuuya be more kind and questioning about many actions that go against his morals, but Dazai frankly doesn't care. Why would he have morals when he doesn't feel human? Morals are definitely a very human thing, and as I've said already, he tries to distance himself from things like that.

"Now the main character in 人間失格/Ningen Shikkaku/No Longer Human states he plays up the part of being the clown, the fool. Because then he can predict people’s actions and he is less scared of them. Fast forward to now. We see Dazai doing that constantly. And we have seen actual suicide attempts by him—the river and the barrel bring two. Dazai is hiding his actual emotions more, wearing the mask of the fool more. He’s doing objectively worse and doesn’t seem to be trying to do better. The only thing that is carrying him through is Oda’s words telling him to be good. But Oda also told him he would never fill the hole in his chest he felt. He told Dazai he is never going to feel better. So Dazai is now living, acting like a better human while feeling that otherness in his chest. So him using 僕/boku the natural masculine pronoun in 15 was a way of indicating that he was actually doing better, feeling more, acting the fool less. But now he’s 22 and suicidal again and hiding behind his pretenses and we can’t see his real emotions as much. And he’s distancing himself from himself and from others by using 私/watashi. And though it’s gender neutral, it’s also neutral on more levels than that and that is why Dazai is using it. If he sees himself as genderless it goes beyond seeing himself as genderless, he sees himself as lacking humanness." (from this post)

THIS ^^^

Oda may have been important to Dazai, but what he told him is always gonna be with Dazai. That he will never fill that hole in his chest. And I love Oda, I do, but I hate him for that. Cause he shouldn't have told Dazai, someone who wants nothing more than to fucking end it all, that he'll basically never be happy. I know Oda was on his deathbed when he said it, and it was spur of the moment, and I think that's why it was done like that, cause I can't truly hate Oda for saying that when I look at what was happening when he said it. Basically Oda's words are gonna be with Dazai forever, and he believed everything Oda said, he's always gonna believe he'll never find a reason to live, something to fill the hole in his chest.

Okay, so we have covered the fact that Dazai is clearly in a bad place mentally, and that he is not getting better, in fact, he is likely getting worse. And as many of us likely know, to get better you have to actively work on it, you have to want it. So why isn't Dazai working on it? If he knows he's doing terribly, why wouldn't he work on himself? I think there are two different reasons for this. The first, clearly, is that he sees himself as lacking humanity, so he doesn't see himself as needing help, needing to get better. In fact, he may not even realize just how poorly he's doing. His morals are already very warped, and he never grew up in a place that cared about his feelings at all. He grew up in the mafia, where he was likely taught to kill at an EXTREMLY young age. He has np sense of doing well or doing poorly. The other reason, Oda's words. Oda told him he was ever going to fill that hole in his chest (a terrible thing to say to be honest). As I've already covered, Dazai hung onto ever single word Oda said, he is never going to forget that. So, if Dazai does know he's doing poorly and is in a bad place mentally, he likely does not care. He's already been told he'll never "fix" himself, in a sense. So why would he ever put forth the effort? To him it's a complete waste of time and energy.

Kind of branching off from the fourth paragraph, Dazai's suicide attempts in present time are seen as annoying and not unusual for the agency, even Atsushi, when he sees Dazai in the barrel, acts annoyed with done with it already. And this brings up the question, why? Why is no one taking it seriously. Suicide shouldn't be used for comedy, but it is. And I kinda think there's a reason for it. Dazai is masking his true emotions. We know he has pent up grief and anger and hatred, but he barely ever expresses it. Dazai very purposefully makes his suicide attempts seem like jokes to the agency, the way he talks about it, the way he asks for help, he makes sure this behavior is not only normal, but expected. He knows that it's a problem, but he wants it to be completely normal and expected, cause for him, one day he is gonna follow through with it. He doesn't want it to be suspicious. Making everyone find him annoying is his whole plan. He doesn't want people attached to him cause he doesn't feel human (although we all know that there's a lot of people who would be affected by his death). He wants to not be missed cause he doesn't think he's human, that he's worthy of being loved. So he acts this way on purpose.

Another thing to add before I finish; As we all know pretty well Dazai calls Chuuya, well, Chuuya, and Chuuya is Chuuya's first name. Obviously there is a close bond there for Chuuya to not be too bothered by Dazai calling him by his first name. However, not once have we ever seen someone call Dazai by his first name, Osamu, but with their bond surely Chuuya would be calling him Osamu instead of Dazai? So, this means its probably pretty likely that Dazai has made it a point to not let anyone call him by his first name, as it would connect him to his humanity more. I'm willing to bet that Chuuya and Dazai had a fight over this too, and Chuuya didn't understand at all, cause to him Dazai is human, Dazai is what keeps Chuuya human. so the whole thing didn't make sense to him.

To sum up, Dazai has a fuck ton of trauma and needs therapy, but seriously, he is a very complex and well done character and isn't just a suicidal maniac.

Hello!♡ Could I please request a male ship for Legends of Tomorrow, Sherlock Holmes and the MCU ? What my sexuality is? That's a good question I don't have a answer for. I'm a 5,4 high, pale female and have blue-grey eyes, white blonde hair with green and purple tips (one color on each side) and a few ear piercings. To be true, I'm really boring and my personality is extremly paradox. I always feel like I don't belong anywhere, that's probably why I have a soft spot for anyone and anything different. I suffer from autism and depression. I admire people who are bold and straight-forward with their feelings. Because it's hard for me to express my own and, sadly, I usually don't "see" others. And, even though I'm not at all funny, I like people who are. I am incredibly understanding and almost impossible to get upset, so I am always calm. My ideal day would be spent with cuddling, listening to music, watching movies, having in-depths conversations and drinking tea on a rainy day and to take a walk in the rain. I'm extremly loyal and I honestly try to be as kind/polite as possible. Music is very important and therapeutic for me, I could never live a day without it. I always try to act against injustice, even if being the center of attention makes me uncomfortable. I'm not at all dominant, but that's not a problem to me. My favorite colours are green and black. I have a big problem with authority and I'm not afraid to speak up against them (which is surprising to most people because I'm usually very shy, insecure and quiet). As a quiet person, I like talkative people because they are willing to do the talking themselves and don't expect me to keep up my end of it. I have a kind heart and I see the good in everyone. I secretly crave affection and attention, but I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm barely able to make eye contact and am sometimes painfully awkward. Nevertheless, I love animals and I'm more comfortable with them (they are far easier than humans). I'm a feminist and anarchist. I don't know if it's true, but I think I annoy people. I'd love to live one day in the UK (if I could choose my heritage, it would be britain). I really struggle to say what's on my mind, sometimes I can't even build the easiest sentence. I think that one of the best feeling is that of a hug or cuddling, but I could never ask anyone for one. I'm probably the clumsiest person. I only judge people for what I experience, so it doesn't matter to me what is said about that person or what their heritage/beliefs are. Or even how they act towards others, as long they treat me right.

It would be great if you could give me a description, but I'm thankful anyway ♡

Hey there!!! You seem like the sweetest of the sweetest. You’re the type of friend everyone needs!

I ship you with...

Ray Palmer

Ray Palmer is a FEMINIST and you love him for that. Ray is more than willing to do the talking when you don’t feel like carrying a conversation. He would just babble on and on, filling your ears with scientific facts that were way out of your reach of knowledge and tell you the most wonderful stories. He likes to listen to music when he is inventing or studying, but if you’re around he will always let you pick, and he’ll compliment your music, whether he truly likes it or not. If you ever got sad or stressed out, Ray would stop his work immediately and suggest a fun, happy activity for the two of you, but when you would insist that you were fine and he could continue his work, he would look you in your eyes and say “it’s nonnegotiable”. He’s so overly kind and polite that the two of you have a hard time commanding respect as a couple. Often when looking for you the team will simply sigh and say “where’s mom and dad? They should be here by now.”

Sherlock

Like you, Sherlock Holmes suffers from mental illnesses that can bring a boundary between him and other people. However, he is bold enough to always tell you what he’s feeling, you’d never have to guess. He would love to listen to music and drink tea with you, then spend the better part of his afternoons off cuddling, purely for the purpose of releasing dopamine in the brain so that he can work more acuratetly on his cases. He was blow off Watson in an instant if it meant he could work with you. Sherlock would often chide you for being so polite to everyone, since he believes everyone is against him. When Sherlock isn’t working, the two of you could talk til the days end. You loved to tell him about your day, your interests, or any weird new facts you learned that day, and in response, Sherlock would smile and make funny faces to show his interest. Through you. Sherlock became a more understanding, loving person.

The Hulk

Here’s the problem. You’re both so polite, and neither of you is super interested in talking, so starting a conversation could be hard. More than anything he loves your company and your kind touch. Being with you makes Banner feel loved and appreciated, something he hasn’t felt in a long time. At first he was afraid to cuddle with you or even climb in bed with you, worried he would hurt you somehow. Over time, banner came to LOVE cuddle sessions and quickies because of your gentle touches and affectionate manners. You assured his that he could never hurt you, and that no matter what he turns into, you love him for who he is. He is an avid gift giver, to show his love for you. Your favorite gift from him is a beautiful modern record player and boxes full of vinyl records. His love language wasn’t hard to read. All you have to do was touch his softly, his hand, arm, face, etc. and he would get so shy, look down and tell you he loves you.

Thief alert on Lich in the Light Datacenter!

Moon Neet joined our guild after applying and instantly started to clear out the bank.   Our little Free Company is extremly new, so the leader had not put in safety measures for this kind of people yet. Luckly we “only” had about 300k worth of items in the bank, but still really annoying; together with the fact he ended all of the lootings by throwing in first 1k, then 10k, then 10k again. So all in all, he “paid” 21k for about 300k worth of items. Later, the leader of the guild was PMed by a random person warning him about the looter, however it was unfortunately too late, the lootening was over. Next time we see him on, we plan to trade him his measly 21k back and then kick him. This is a heads up to anyone playing on Lich that this person, Moon Neet, is jumping between guilds and cleaning out guild banks.

Hi are there any badass stiles fics without any pairing for him? Im really tired of romance lately :/ (and preferably no smit as I’m ace and am uncomfortable with it) thank you so much! ❤️

I HOPE THIS SUFFICES! -Letta

Eye of the Demon by Reiya_Wakayama

(1/1 | 1,231 | Teen)

Two blind demons have a talk.

Stiles learns to love honey by Bashfyl

(1/1 | 1,236 | Teen)

The alpha of this ragtag pack of interlopers thought the best way to send a message to the pack was to take Stiles. Take Stiles, bite him, and then once the change is made send him back in under his new alphas orders to assassinate from within. Stiles really could have done without the villainous monologue, but it was kind of nice to know what to expect.

"sometimes the shape you take reflects the person you are"

All Our Puppies by OneSmartChicken

(1/1 | 2,206 | Gen)

Stiles wasn't a part of the pack.

Derek himself had said so, point-blank, no doubts left. Just a scowl and a firm, 'You're not pack,' and then he'd walked off.

But you know what? Fuck that.

Different Mechanisms by ifdragonscouldtalk

(1/1 | 2,257 | Gen)

“Lydia, did you hear anything?” Scott asked, his voice steady but his hand shaking at his side. Isaac swallowed thickly, staring at his alpha with eyes full of fear. The banshee shook her head slowly, tears starting to gather in her eyes.“No, no I didn’t- I-”“That’s because no one’s going to die,” Stiles interrupted, his voice raised. Their heads snapped towards him. He was looking at them, face pale but gaze steady. “Just calm down, alright. Scott, keep Isaac still. Isaac, calm down before you send yourself into panic. You’re going to be fine. Allison, get my toolbox out of the Jeep.”“And what are you going to do?” Peter asked, sarcasm and doubt dripping from his voice but his grip tight on Malia’s arm, who was staring at Stiles like he’d grown a second head. Stiles looked down, his jaw going tight, before looking back up again, eyes dark and heart speeding up audibly to the wolves.“Did all of you forget?” His voice trembled, breaths coming quicker. “I built a bomb."

What You Wished For by jackgyeoms

(1/1 | 2,456 | Mature)

“Didn’t work?” the man repeated, “Of course it worked. I could feel it. The demon is here. I called it and it is here. It’s under my control and I demand that you show yourself to your master now!”

“Jesus, you’ve got a set of lungs on you,” a voice spoke. It was familiar, yet not. It was too harsh, too hoarse, too broken, too dark, to be who it was, but it was enough to have worry rising in the stomachs of the Hale pack as they turned towards their human members, standing a just away from the main scene.

Demon!Stiles takes down the Alpha Pack. AU.

Done With Being Useless by eprnam

(1/1 | 3,636 | Gen)

Stiles is going to save his dad, even if he has to do it alone.

Peter’s Saturday Night Entertainment by CoopPenny

(1/1 | 4,171 | Teen)

Stiles has had many offers of the bite in the past but he never thought to bring it up to the pack so that they didn’t loose their A-Game before a big fight.

That was until Peter decided to stir the pot.

Underestimation by HouseElfMagic

(1/1 | 4,783 | Teen)

Everyone underestimates the human. Stiles has learned this lesson over and over and usually he'd be annoyed, but right now, he is so fucking thankful because being underestimated means he can try to get himself, Erica, and Boyd out of this fucking basement.Stiles cannot express with words how much he hates Gerard Argent.

I Walk a Lonely Road by Starboi

(1/1 | 5,806 | Teen)

The Stilinskis are a type of extremly rare supernatural creature - They are djinns, incredibly powerful beings, powerful and ancient, yet not immortal. In the year 2000, the Stilinskis are attacked at their home by a large group of outlaws. Their house is blown up, taking Stiles' mom and dad and a lot of outlaws with them. The world thought Stiles was killed in the explosion when in fact he was running from it. Fifteen years later he finds the people his mom told him to - The Hale Pack, more specifically Talia Hale.

The Answer by CupcakeGirlA

(1/1 | 8,654 | Teen)

The difference between Stiles and everyone else in the pack, is that he’s human. Lydia’s human too, and so is Allison. But it’s not the same thing, not at all. Because Allison is some sort of pseudo hunter in training and could kick major ass even before she ever learned that werewolves existed. And Lydia is Lydia. She’s a genius, and she’s fearless. She’s been busting balls since approximately the third grade. Also she’s sort of a witch, even if she doesn’t like to talk about it. Stiles, however, is just Stiles. He’s just a guy. Just a very human guy. And he’s got a big mouth.

The Red Riding Hood Job by Alazan

(3/3 | 9,810 | Teen) *Leverage crossover

Moreau is in need of a new Hitter for a particular case. But he can't just hire a new one...he needs to make one.

Enter Stiles Stilinski, heart recently broken and very worried about his and his father's safety after someone his dad locked away years ago breaks out.

Moreau offers Stiles seemingly everything. Protection for his father, an escape from Beacon Hills, and the training to never feel vulnerable and weak again. The price? Moreau needs to know Stiles is willing to get his hands dirty. Moreau captures the escaped convict, presents him to Stiles on a silver platter and offers Stiles a gun.

Stiles becomes known as 'Red', one of Moreau's newest, best, and most faithful lap dogs...that is until the Leverage Team tries to take Moreau out.

A hunt in Beacon Hills by Littleredridinghunter

(1/1 | 11,987 | Teen) *Supernatural crossover

Sam and Dean try to track down their Dad. Turns out he might be hiding in Beacon Hills where they have more family than they thought. Soon they get sucked into the world of their Cousin Stiles and his supernatural friends.

An Aera Mirus Fleuret and Ardyn Lucis Caelum angsty scenario (a thought)

A scenario that popped into my mind a month ago: Aera survived the clash between the two brothers but she realized, during the slow and painful recovery, that the Gods turned their back to her.

She has been stripped of her role as an Oracle because she revealed divine choices to Somnus, because she tried to protect the Adagium.

This last thing ruined her even at the eyes of the people, nobles in particular.

They accused her to know about Ardyn’s demonic infection, she would let a deamon sits the throne just because he was her fiancé. A woman whose judgement is clouded by love cannot be a pious guide for the people.

In all this she has to deal with the loss of Ardyn, mourning him, victim of a fate that could not be changed. She tried to save him, and now he was dead.

Things were awful, but guess what?

They got worse.

Attempting to reabilitate Aera’s name the Fleuret family promised her to Somnus. After all she’s still part of a noble and rich household, one of her relatives is the new Oracle now...

Marrying Somnus to become queen and wipe away all the gossips and malignity sounded like a good plan. For them at least.

But for the party directly involved?

Aera nearly had a breakdown: she preferred to die rather than marry the man who betrayed both her and Ardyn. She refused, going in a screaming match with half of her family.

For Somnus wasn’t an ideal situation either.

What he has done that day was neccesary. Ardyn could not rule infected as he was, nor he could save the majority of his people. Still, he was his brother, a brother he loved and respected. He was jealous of him, yes, but seeing him on a bloodied floor with a sword in his chest didn’t bring Somnus any happiness.

He brought away everything from his brother... Taking Aera crossed a line Somnus wasn’t sure he wanted to cross. She was Ardyn’s spouse, he loved her more than life. In his mind, a wedding with Aera would have been kinda of... incestuous? He felt it that way.

These sentiments were soon overthrown by others more selfish and bitter: he was king, not a beggar who gathers someone’s leftovers. He didn’t want to be a sloppy second collecting what his brother has left behind (the guilt was still there, even because he hurted her. How could they made this work? It’s an announced disaster).

Personally I think Somnus wouldn’t be bothered to marry someone he doesn’t love. He is a man who cherished duty and responsability, love it’s just a thing that can be pleasant at his eyes but cannot be a distraction or, worse, an influence on important matters. Men in his position hadn’t such luxury, if a marriage is useful in terms of political leverage so be it.

The fact Aera didn’t love him (and he didn’t love her) wasn’t the first thing that came up in his mind. Ardyn was the reason of his reluctance.

Eventually, thanks to the court’s machinations, Somnus and Aera got married. That day Somnus was extremly cold (to hide his uneasiness and guilt) and Aera refused to look at him the whole function, thinking about how Somnus deprived both her and Ardyn even of this little joy. After they are pronounced man and wife Somnus asked her not too gently to kneel. Aera felt a pang of pure hatred, because Somnus wanted her to recognize his right as a king in front of everybody (since she was tied by Ardyn’s name and loyalty in being his finacée). In reality, Somnus wanted to clear her name publicly with a dimostration. He didn’t want to humiliate her, just make it sure nobody could bother her because of a connection to Ardyn. Being queen without suspects, with a recognized authority.

Maybe it was more for him than her, but it had the same effects.

Eventually Aera bent the knee and Somnus crowned her.

I don’t have precise thoughts about their married life: surely they would avoid each other since the first night. Somnus would bid her goodnight and left her in her room and he returns to his chambers. Aera would probably wreck into crying once Somnus leaves.

Aera would probably loath him to dead in the beginning: avoiding him in any way, being cold and curt in answering him when they have to stay together in public. I think in private she would refuse every attempt to hold a conversation or, sometimes, she would be so passive agressive Somnus loses all the will to talk further. When he has thought about it as an announced distaster he was right.

He would not justify his actions to Aera, because he knew she wouldn’t listen or belive him. She was caught in her own resentment, and he had no time for that. He had a reign, people who needed his guidance. If she wanted to help him okay, if not the same. Not everyone can live in the past.

All of Aera’s provocations would have fallen into a void, Somnus would never  have answered to them. He gave her space, he rarely saw her outside the meetings of the council or during official events. Aera was fine with it.

She tried to fit her new role, discovering difficulties and backstabber along the way, but surprisingly she was good at it. She became more cagey and secretive, difficult to read but still benevolent. Beign able to help others in such a different way slowly awakened her from the numbness.

However with Somnus things weren’t easy. The fact they had to generate an heir filled Aera with dread. Probably Somnus would have had lovers at this point, but he needed a child from his queen to ensure a lineage. The thought of sleeping with Somnus revolted her, it would probably takes a couple of years for her to accept. Somnus wouldn’t force her.

I firmly belive that even if they grown to respect and care for each other they’ll never develope romantic feelings. For both of them Ardyn will forever be a persistent regret with different motivations: Aera loses the love of her life, unable to stop his destiny, Somnus betrayed him and he stole the woman his brother wanted to marry, lying to her about the fact Ardyn was still alive in Angelgard. Aera suspected it, and it was confirmed by Gentiana that only the Chosen King will release him from the curse.

Aera was pregnant when she received this response, now knowing that her children, grandchildren and descendants will have live a life of sufference, slaves of the Gods and the ring of the Lucii until one day the line will end in the blood because of Ardyn.

Ardyn whose pain will continue long after her death.

I think Aera would survived not only Somnus, but even their children. Unable to suffer other losses, she would retire after the coronation of her grandchildren and died of old age.

Fast Forward in the future

After being freed Ardyn discovered, thanks to Verstael, that Aera survived to marry Somnus and becoming queen. The current royal line of Lucis their descendants.

I think ‘devastated’ would still be a weak word to describe Ardyn after the big revealing. The thought of Aera forgetting him to run into his brother’s arms hurts him beyond every comprehension. In the beginning he would probably convinced himslef that Aera has been forced in some way, that she was  forever unhappy after he was chained away.

She had to be unhappy, he couldn’t even think she smiled or laughed again.

It was all Somnus’s fault, HE was the monster, HE forced her... Aera has done nothing wrong... she didn’t know I was suffering... she didn’t know I was locked in the darkness.

During his allucinations he would saw his brother doing awful things to her, and part of him was horrified in finding relief in the convinction that Aera was nothing but miserable with Somnus.

Despite Verstael showed him evidences that after a rocky start the two lived peacefully and in some way happy, Ardyn turned a blind eye to facts until his meeting with Bahamut in Insomnia.

Then he realized how much he has fooled himself: these two traitors plotted behind his back, Aera knew about him and do nothing. They both take the throne and cast him aside.

I imagined the wheat filed scene going similar to the end of Episode Ardyn: he sees them under the tree, talking. Somnus smiling and touching the head of the newborn in Aera’s arms. She is beaming, a dress too colorful and rich for an Oracle, her hair much longer and pinned gracefully on the head. Ardyn approaches, smirking.

They both fall under his eyes. Under Aera the baby starts to cry. Ardyn moves her with his boot, staring at the bundle and its red little face. The screaming are annoying.

“You are innocent, nay?”

The baby won’t stop weeping.

Ardyn raises his foot. “ I’ll tell you something.”

Black miasma oozes from his pores. “ No one in this world is.”

He stomps the foot down with all his force.

Writing things at 3.00 Am it’s not good for me. I’ll probably fix this tomorrow, but now... bed. Sorry it’s messy...

Arino’s children: Áaron.

Character’s sheet:

First Name: Áaron

Japanese Name: Kyoya

Last Name(s): Koizumi “Martínez”

Kanji:  小泉 アーロン (not sure though^^’).

Áaron= “high mountain” Koizumi= “small valley” Martínez= derivates from the name Martín and means “from the war god: Mars”

Nickname(s):  

Áaron: just Áaron…his name doesn’t have a diminutive anyway. Kyoya: Kino gave him that name. Kino and Yuuri are the only ones that calls him by that name, since they can’t pronounce “Áaron”. Áa-kun / big brother: by Victoria

Sign:  Libra

Birthday: “October 23″ (the day he was found)

Age: 20 (Physically)

Status: Alive

Race: half wolf / half vampire

Ethnicity:  Japanese

Gender: Male

Height: 170 cm (5′7).

Weight: 62 kg (136 lbs)

Blood Type: A+

Eyes: golden

Hair: black, straight and messy.

Any scars, birthmarks, etc: a small scar on his left hip.

Occupation: 1st year college student. He’s studying finances.

Relatives:

Biological mother: deseased

Biological father: unknown

Adoptive mother: Ariadna Koizumi Martínez (alive)

Adoptive father: Kino (alive)

Younger adoptive sister: Victoria (alive)

Hobbies: fencing, videogames, swimming, cooking, riding his motobike and community service.

Favorite Food: Mexican food and Arabic food.

Fave Colors: grey and blue.

Skills: charming, persuasive, likes helping others, smart, hard-working, constant and he’s good at cooking.

Curious Facts:

knows how to cook really good

he’s really healthy and sporty

can turn into a wolf

uses contact lenses to hide his golden eyes

very organized, always carries a small agenda

extrovert, but gets tired of being surrended by people

hates being touched by strangers

observant

sarcastic

speaks Japanese, Spanish and English.

he decided to learn Spanish so he could pronounce correctly his name…plus it wasn’t like an option since Ariadna would scold them in Spanish when she was really angry.

likes to ride his motorbike

helps Ariadna a lot with the ghouls

likes little children

always carries a knife…to Ariadna’s dislike

Personality:

Strenghts:

smart

helpful

responsible

honest and direct

protective

Patient…with children

Weaknesses/flaws:

way too honest cold towards strangers sometimes has troubles controlling himself a little manipulative hates being lied and will know when someone does more under the cut~

Is not like Áaron is completly cold towards strangers…he’s very cautios with them. At first he’s just polite with everyone, but as time goes by he becomes more friendly and funny. Likes to make people laugh (just like his mother) and since he cares for his close ones, he’ll be honest and direct with them. Sometimes people think he’s mean and just like to point out their mistakes, but that is a sign he cares for them.

However, just recently has earned a bad reputation  in school for is his cold and mean attitude towards girls in general. He dislike girls approaching him and even though he’s polite with them, if they keep insisting on trying to talk to him or flirt he’ll snap and tell them to get lost and stop talking to him. That isn’t just in the human world, but also in the Mekai during balls and demon women try something with him.

Áaron know he’s adopted yet that doesn’t bother him at all. He was told when he was old enough to understand and since Ariadna never had preference over him or his sister Victoria, he never felt out of place. Ariadna devoted herself to Áaron and spoiled him before the arrival of Victoria, but it was Kino that place him in line by being strict with him. Áaron just as Victoria are trained so that one day they’ll be responsable of the ghouls when the time comes. Áaron likes interacting with the ghouls rather with demons of higer ranks, he bores acting polite and as a prince all the time, when he’s with the ghouls it’s different and he feel like he can be himself. Just as his father with his uncle Yuuri, he has a friend in the Mekai called Thomas.

He’s very protective over his sister, his family and friends in general. He’s grateful with his family, because they gave him another opportunity to live and have a family he was denied when he was born. If he feels his family or friends are in danger he won’t doubt to act. Sometimes if that means get physical he wouldn’t mind, and there was a time in which Áaron lost control and turn himself into his wolf form and almost kill somebody that was threatening his  friend Thomas. He once got in trouble as a child by punching a girl in the stomach, since she was talking shit about the ghouls.

Other than that…he’s pretty smart and knows when to act.

Background:

Áaron arrived to Ariadna’s and Kino’s life after six years of marriage. During that time Ariadna and Kino tried having children of their own, but never succeded. Ariadna felt really sad that she couldn’t have a baby and so dedicated herself to help the ghouls. During one night, they heard an explotion in a nearby village. Ariadna sneaked out the house to see what happened and when she got there she saw a huge catastrophy. The houses were on flames and no one seem to have survived. Yet Ariadna heard the cry of a baby and when she follow it, she found a woman from the wolf clan in a terrible state. The woman was the baby’s mother and had used her own body to shield her baby. Yet a group of rebels found them and since the baby was the product of an unwanted relationship, the rebels were ordered to kill him and all witnesses. The woman before dying asked Ariadna to take care of her baby since he was supposed to be dead, she died assure and happy her baby would be safe.

As time went by no one seemed to claimed the baby and Ariadna couldn’t help but getting attached to the baby as her own desire to be a mother. Kino wasn’t very keen of the idea, but Ariadna convince him since they themselves couldn’t be parents. Ariadna spoiled Áaron and was so patience and loving that soon people truly believed it was her actual child. Three years later Victoria arrived showing that Ariadna and Kino indeed were able to conceive, but no one knows why they couldn’t earlier.  Áaron was fascinated with Victoria and might be the reason as to why he developed a liking to children.

Time passed and Áaron grew as a normal boy and met his girlfriend Kyoka, a human girl which he loved dearly… until the day she passed away due to a terrible accident. Since then Áaron understood why demons and human shouldn’t bond and decided to never get himself into a similar situation…besides no one seems to be like his beloved Kyoka and that’s for the best. From that day forward Áaron became more protective over his family but mostly over Victoria which is very naïve and reckless sometimes…he needs to constantly save her from some situations. Ariadna still hopes for the right girl to break down Áaron’s walls and heal his broken heart.

If you were wondering…yes, Áaron looked for his biological father, but only Ariadna and Áaron knows what happened. Áaron hated finding the truth, but decided it was for the best to forget about it. His life was difficult enough as to make it harder.

Relationships:

Victoria: unlike his sister he knows how to behave and not to stand. He’s always sent to look after his sister and saves her butt whenever gets in trouble. Best friends, he knows everything about her and seems to be the only one that completly understands her…teases her nonstop and won’t hesitate to tell her the crude truth. Hates that she always has a “friend” that only uses her to try to get close to him, but he always know how to identify them and tells them he isn’t interested and to leave her sister alone.

Ariadna: EXTREMLY CLOSE TO HER. Don’t mess with Ariadna or you’ll get in trouble. Since he has memory Ariadna is loving and understanding with him. He admires her: not only raising two children, while himself wasn’t even hers, but helping the ghouls and finally working. She always makes time for them and he knows she’s always for him, he always go for her for advice and was his support during his process of healing.

Kino: At first Kino was a little distant with Áaron and was constantly alert, since he thought Áaron was like some kind of bait to harm Ariadna. Once he saw Áaron literally had no one left, he started to warm up. When he was little he spent a lot of time with Kino, yet Áaron chose Ariadna in the end. He was strict with him and during his “difficult time” he always put him in line. Although Kino was the one that introduced him to the videogames and encouraged his liking for motorbikes…by accident to Ariadna’s dislike. He goes to him when is something men to men related stuff. Kino still tries to convince Áaron to name him his favorite.

“Áaron: give up dad…You have Victoria already!

Kino: It doesn’t matter! I’m better than your mom.

Áaron: Nah~ Mom is cooler

Kino: Who was it that bought your motorbike?

Áaron: Are you blackmailing me? Btw it was mom~

Kino: But thanks to whom you start liking them?

Áaron: If I’m not incorrect mom still doesn’t forgive you for that idea…I think you shouldn’t presume it in front of her ¬¬“

Girls: STAY AWAY FROM HIM IF YOU DON’T WANT TO PASS FOR A BAD MOMENT. Ariadna always got angry whenever she was called due to his bad attitude. She made him promise to improve and if she was ever call again she would sell his motorbike specifically to a girl.

Yuuri: He sees him as an uncle and he’s greatful for him being around all this years with his parents. He admires his patience and loyalty and helps him cook whenever he cans.

Any of his cousins: He’s the cool cousin~

“Want to go to a party? Cool I’ll take you”

“Want to have a ride? Sure, I don’t mind. But ask for permission, it’s annoying dealing with angry parents”

Children: Áaron has a weak spot for children…something unusual and contradictory.

“random little boy: Áaron! Someone is bulling me at school!

Áaron: who is it that is bothering you? *takes out his knife* Just show him this and problem solved~

Ariadna: Áaron! what the hell are you doing?! Be a good example!

Áaron: It was a joke mother ¬¬

Random little boy: I’ll tell them I’m your friend and he’ll leave me alone!

Áaron: That works too…”

END.

*Mun Ari: That’s it! So yeah~ technically you are now welcome to ask Áaron whatever you want~ I think I have issues since I can’t help myself to write some tragic and drama…LOL ^^'

Me & My Body

Trigger Warning: This is my story and I have never had an eating disorder but there are some mentions of things that may trigger someone who has or had an eating disorder to get greatly upset or to relapse. I want you to read ahead with caution.

Also another warning for mention of bullying/fat shaming/skinny shaming & abuse.

I am going to be completely honest. 

I have NEVER had a good body image. My family has a history of producing pudgy babies and I was the pudgiest of my siblings so of course when I got older and went to kindergarten and elementary school, of course, my baby fat wasn’t gone.

I had also managed to piss a girl off by unceremoniously mentioning that she had a mustache (I was a dick child). She was one of the more popular girls though and as a result, took to mocking me for my weight as a rebuttal. This fat shaming and mocking of my body and my form went on essentially till I got older and some of that baby fat went away as I grew. She and her friends would bully me for different reasons now: to isolate me or to say I looked like a man.

So it wasn’t just her saying things about my weight either, I had an abusive guy friend growing up too and anytime I would hang out with him he would have snacks and things that I wasn’t allowed to have at my home so I would snack a lot at his place. His mom seemed to love me as well so she would kind of spoil me a bit too for some reason.

As a result, he would always comment on me eating and eating too much and how I was a pig. My dad also had the tendency to comment on how I’m a pig too and my mom didn’t really make it any better by getting upset by how much I ate as well. So basically growing up when I had baby fat that I couldn’t really help...I was mocked for having that baby fat and eating as a growing child. 

My eating really wasn’t out of control now that I look back on it. It was basically just everyone commenting on every little thing I would do and commenting on my body constantly and commenting on how much I ate constantly as a growing child. 

Of course, when I grew up I was actually thin but I had it in my head that I wasn’t and anytime I would look at myself I would see fat. No matter what, I was actually UNDER weight for a long time and they wanted me to eat more. However, the damage had already been done and I was nervous about eating too much and also nervous or scared of having people see me eat. So what I would do was I wouldn’t eat lunch at school, I wouldn’t go out with my family to eat.

I would always eat at home and never in public. I would even get uncomfortable sitting at our table to eat because I was nervous about what would be said. At this point, I was also making new friends and one of those friends wasn’t the kindest about my figure or my lack of eating during lunches. He resorted to basically saying that I was anorexic and it was just bad. 

Because at this point I wasn’t necessarily too skinny but I wasn’t exactly healthy either and yet I was having a very serious eating disorder tossed my way as an insult. Like I know people say being fat-shamed sucks and it does but being a weight that isn’t even bad and having people say you are too skinny, that you are anorexic, it honestly hurt me worse than the fat comments. It’s like you got to societies standard and are being SHAMED for that...like that is like being what you should be and then having people attack you for that.

The fat shaming comments actually had the strange tendency to motivate me-at that time though nothing really motivated me. I at some point in high school though began to ACTUALLY gain weight and get to an unhealthy size and I’ll say the weight I was and I know people will say it wasn’t that bad. 

I was 169 at my heaviest and I know that doesn’t seem that bad but for someone of my stature and size that was actually considered almost obese. So I, of course, had my doctor say I should begin trying to lose weight. I at first didn’t really know how to go about it but I knew one thing, I hated my body-I loathed it.

I had stretch marks everywhere and I felt gross and disgusting most days. My depressive episodes and everything was a mess and I just hated myself. So I of course began with unhealthy ways of going about taking care of it. I tried starving myself, then at some point when I couldn't follow through with that I began trying to force myself to puke. 

I wasn’t successful with that either, I have a horrid gag reflex and rarely even puke when I’m legitimately sick so you can imagine how hard it was to FORCE that-I’m not saying this to make it seem like Eating Disorders are fun little ways of losing weight. They aren’t. I was fucking stupid for attempting to do either and I don’t think an Eating Disorder is just something you try but I will say I had the mindset at the time that you could just do that.

But my mother changed her life through weight loss and taking care of herself so I began looking to her for inspiration and doing my own research. I wound up cutting soda & juice out of my diet and only drinking water. I stopped eating anything that was considered fast food and I would try to avoid sweets and sugary things. 

I began working out and moving more. I realized that I liked dancing so I took to dancing to Kpop and to random music as well and then I would do random exercises as well. I slowly began to lose weight. It wasn’t a sudden thing, it took time and after I had graduated from school I had managed to lose over 30 pounds of weight. 

Now sometime in 2016 is when some issues happened. That summer I believe I had begun to have extremely bad stomach pains and burping fits that would go on the whole entire day. I mean it was bad, to the point that I woudl sometimes have a hard time breathing because I just could not stop burping and I know that sounds silly but it honestly wasn’t funny.

It would effect everything. I was constantly uncomfortable. I would sometimes just not eat hoping that would sate it and then I would even lose sleep because it would happen throughout the night. So it took a while for my mom to actually take this seriously and when she did we went to my doctor and talked through things with her.

We had some tests run and I was sent to a professional to also get some exploratory procedures done. By the end of 2016 (it might’ve been 2015 my timeline is a bit messy) I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Now if you don’t know what that is it is basically an autoimmune disease where if you ingest anything containing gluten or anything that has touched gluten your body thinks it is under attack and starts attacking itself. For me my GI track was basically being assaulted constantly and also one of the side effects is excessive gas. 

We didn’t know that though for some reason but anyway I began having to change my eating habits again. Not too much, I mean it was still alot to learn and change and I have some anxiety issues. So I get nervous and scared to ask waiters & waitresses about gluten free options and even then nothing at restaurants is ACTUALLY gluten free so I’m still risking my health by eating out PERIOD.

This is a lesson for anyone and everyone-NO RESTAURANT IS REALLY GLUTEN FREE UNLESS THE FACILITY OVERALL HAS NO GLUTEN PERIOD. Some facilities will WARN you of this but not all, read THEIR menu carefully and TELL THEM that you have an ALLERGY and it’s not just a fucking preference. Yes, I’m highkey annoyed by people who are gluten free by choice.

Anywas that isn’t the point. So I wound up starting this diet but still had some pretty bad burping fits and pain. So throughout 2017 I tried to like work on eating better for a gluten free diet. However, we were still worried by the fact that the burping and discomfort and bloating wasn’t going down so we decided to try something else.

We went to a place to get me tested for more allergies or things my body is reactive to, I got some more blood tests done and this was mainly because when you start a GF diet for celiac typically other food problems begin to arise. Not for everyone, but for me it did. During my Christmas break in 2017 we got a list of things I shouldn’t be eating.

It was a long list, and most of the list was healthy foods that I loved. You can kind of imagine how that caused problems for me and alot of the things were substitutes for gluten-the biggest one being corn. I was and am not supposed to have corn. I was also told to cut a bunch of other things out of my diet and start fresh to see what might be causing other reactions because naturally the test they did doesn’t test for EVERY single food.

I was basically starting from scratch after still trying to adjust to another massive dietary change. The shift was extremly hard and I reached a point where I honestly didn’t care...2018 was a horrible year for me. I tried sticking to this diet and everything but they didn’t HELP ME. I know it’ll sound silly but I honestly believe I began to be depressed.

I would wind up crying at night either from the pain I was feeling, from the bloating or the fact that I wasn’t enjoying eating. I don’t think you even get how hard that was for me. It was so distressing because like I had lost all this weight, I had been healthy and I had enjoyed eating even with my dietary change and then basically...I was eatin flavorless things with no variety and I was wrecked in a sense.

I know this is a first world problem, trust me I know. But honestly they should’ve helped me transition instead of having me suddenly cut out all of this shit and send me on my way. I had gotten healthy and then like everything I had worked for was ruined becuase my genetics were suddenly like-lets fuck her over. 

I wound up not giving a fuck anymore, I would go out and get things I was reactive to and eat it. I would binge on 80+ grams of sugar in one night or more. I wouldn’t move as much. I wouldn’t actively try to work out. I was basically making myself sick and I still am. I would even fall back into old habits of skipping meals entirely because I felt I wouldn’t find anything I could have...and its so fucking hard when you have to have a meal plan on a campus that really isn’t that careful with how they make food.

Then I would fall back into examining my body, CONSTANTLY any chance I got I would stare at it. Nitpick. Get mad at myself and try starving again or throwing up. And today with the new year beginning...I’ve decided to start over. 

I’m going to start ACTUALLY paying attention to my allergies/reactions. I’m going to actually begin working out again. I’m going to actually start loving myself enough to worry about what I put in me. I know people are probably going to look at this and get mad at me. 

But hear me out, I know everyone’s journey to self love and a healthier you is different. This was just mine and it was riddled with challenges and set backs and a lot of horrible & toxic people. But I want to get better and I want to be a healthier me again so I’m going to work on that again.

I don’t know if this story has a meaning or purpose but I know I’m not the only one who has had issues with my body. Who has had a twisted view of my body and figure. I know I’m not the only one who has experimented with a bad & harmful mindset. I know I’m not the only one who suddenly had changes sprung on me with no real help. 

I’m still of the mindset that I have a very manly body and I am entirely jealous of girls who have feminine figures. Who are more petite in general, I know I can never be that because it’s just not my body-but I can at least work to get my best body. 

A GUIDE TO THE INFUSION LOVING VORIDUS FOR HALO WARS 2

Originally published on KeenGamer on 02/08/2017. Added here for completion.

Voridus is one of two new brute leaders included in the Awakening the Nightmare expansion for Halo Wars 2. Below you will find a guide to his new units and abilities as well as the best way to utilise them in multiplayer.

Voridus as a leader focuses on aggression and effective rush strategies. The main way he mixes up combat is by using Infusion which is a dangerous plasma gel unique to Voridus that damages and slows ground units. The key to victory with Voridus is understanding and utilizing Infusion to your advantage. All of his new units make use of Infusion in some way and most of his abilities are built around the new mechanic as well. Infusion can be used in a variety of ways and makes great combo pieces both with new units and abilities working in tandem. It can be used to give you an extra edge in battle and is great for area denial due to the fact that it stays on the map for a long time. Voridus rewards aggressive early expansion and attacks but Infusion remains effective in mid and late game engagements as well. The only problem with Infusion is getting it on the battlefield but making good use of new units is the best way to solve this problem. NEW UNITSVoridus: The new hero unit is Voridus himself. Initially, a little disappointing as he behaves in the same way as the hero unit for Decimus. Armed with a standard gravity hammer makes Voridus fairly useless without upgrades but as you upgrade him he becomes one of the most useful ways to spread Infusion. His first upgrade creates pools of infusion with each strike of his hammer making him a great unit to utilize to decimate early game infantry engagements and the pools of Infusion this can create around enemy bases can be particularly devastating and annoying for your opponent. Another great way to spread infusion with Voridus is to make use of his special ability which when used will cause a damaging shockwave around him great for using on clustered units in addition to the initial damage Voridus will leave a trail of Infusion behind him for a period of time, so send him on walkabouts to cover the combat area in Infusion. Furthur upgrades will increase his health and damage and the effectiveness of his Infusion. His final upgrade will stealth him whenever he's in a pool of Infusion that combined with his special ability increases your chances of being able to spread Infusion where it's needed most. Naturally, he has no anti-air capabilities but he is very effective against infantry, vehicles and buildings. Voridus remains useful throughout the match as one of the easiest ways to make use of Infusion. Brute Grenadiers: These specialist Brute units replace the suicide grunts in the barracks. They are durable units that deal decent splash damage and are effective against infantry but not effective against air, vehicles or buildings. At 230 resources and 0 energy and not requiring tech level makes them extremely effective rush units. A bulk of them can easily be built up in the early game to counter rushes from your opponents. Combining Brute Grenadiers with Jump Pack Brutes has proven to be an extremly effective tactic to use. Simply focus on gaining resources and you'll be able to build up an effective early game army, with the Brute Grenadiers dealing with enemies allowing the Jump Pack Brutes to decimate bases. Throw in Voridus for increased support and some Infusion pools and you could be winning matches in under 15 minutes. This tactic combined with combat spoils passive ability which gives you more resources when attacking enemy buildings means that even unsuccessful attacks reap you some reward and allows you to quickly replace lost units for a quick follow-up attack. Brute Grenadiers have some other bonuses as well, upon death, they explode causing damage to nearby units in addition to this they leave behind a pool of Infusion upon detonation. They also have a special ability that allows them to soak up pools of Infusion to increase their speed, damage and armour. They deploy in pairs so you can use the Infusion produced by the dead brute to buff the survivor. This means that the death of a bunch of this unit can easily cover an area in Infusion and wipe out your adversary's units making them great for suicide missions to harass your opponent. They remain effective units throughout the game thanks to some additional upgrades, their first upgrade increases their damage against vehicles and structures again making them extremely effective rush units especially in support of Jump Pack Brutes. A further upgrade increases their range and the impact of their grenades will create shortly lived Infusion pools. Infused Engineer: This unit replaces the standard Engineer available to other Banished leaders. The only difference is that they are slightly tougher and instead of the bubble shield special ability they instead lob a glob of Infusion at targeted areas dealing damage on impact and leaving behind a large pool of long-lasting Infusion. Naturally, they still focus on their ability to heal your units as the special ability has a big cooldown meaning they are still primarily a support unit. Again with a focus on resources it's very easy to mass produce these in the early game, they make an excellent addition to the Brute Grenadier and Jump Pack Brute combo mentioned above by providing healing allowing for sustained attacks, whilst their special ability is great for dealing extra damage and covering an area in Infusion which can easily wipe out infantry units and soften up vehicles. A bunch of Infused Engineers lobbing Infusion across the battlefield is one of the easiest and most fun ways to make use of the leader powers Invigorating Frenzy and Cataclysm, more on those later. Volatile Scarab: Put simply the Volatile Scarab is exactly the same as the standard Scarab but with the added bonus that its powerful beam attack leaves behind pools of Infusion. It costs the same as other Scarabs so fielding it does have an advantage over its standard counterparts. As with all super units, they can be the deciding factor in many battles and allow you to push through for that final win, with the added bonus of Infusion making them more effective at doing this. However, a good opponent will always know how to effectively counter a Scarab so make sure to support it with Infused engineers for healing and the appropriate units to counter your enemies which will allow the Scarab to decimate units and bases and spread vast amounts of Infusion. Spread a bunch of Infusion about with your Scarab and then use Cataclysm for a truly devastating and powerful combo piece. NEW ABILITIESSuccess with Voridus requires some careful use of his new abilities. Infused Mine: Drops a single powerful mine on the battlefield which when detonated leaves behind a large pool of Infusion. A recent balance update improved the effectiveness of all mine leader powers but I still find that the initial ability point is better spent elsewhere. Combat Spoils: A very interesting passive ability which as mentioned above gives you resources when attacking enemy bases. Perfect for early game rushes allowing you to get a significant lead in resources over your opponents to allow for a quick and easy follow-up attack. Harassment and scouting of enemy bases also benefit from trickling in some more resources. Can be upgraded an additional time to improve its effectiveness. Grenadier Drop: Drops in one pair of veteran level one Brute Grenadiers. The initial impact of the drop will damage units and also has the added bonus of leaving behind a pool of Infusion. Drop them into the middle of your opponents forces to wreak some serious havoc particularly if the brutes die. If they survive you could choose to make use of the infusion pool and the Brute Grenadiers special ability to buff them. The ability cannot be upgraded further but it remains useful throughout the game to deal damage and reinforce your troops on the fly. Infusion Wake: Creates a swirling vortex that can be controlled by the player that damages units and buildings and leaves behind a trail of Infusion, allowing you to effectively paint desired areas with Infusion. Is short-lived but is cheap and has a quick cooldown, can be upgraded a further two times. A great combo piece to be used with Invigorating Frenzy and Cataclysm. Invigorating Frenzy: Activating this ability causes all Infusion on the battlefield to provide healing to your troops as well as boost their speed and damage. Of course, its effectiveness depends on how much Infusion you have on the battlefield and whether your troops are close enough to benefit from this. This problem can be easily overcome with some creative use of your assets such as using Infusion Wake to paint your own troops, Using the Voridus hero unit special ability around your troops and using the infused engineer special ability to target your own troops as well. Can be upgraded a further two times increasing its effectiveness and duration. Infusion Tech: A passive ability that increases the damage of all Infusion and as an added bonus reduces the cost of Infused Engineers and Brute Grenadiers again allowing for easy follow-up attacks. Spending another ability point further increases the effectiveness of Infusion as well as upgrading the Wraith's Scorch mortar attack and Blisterback artillery rounds to spawn Infusion. Voridus Pack Assault: At level one this will spawn an infused engineer and a Maurader from a spirit dropship as well as cover the drop zone in Infusion. At level two it is significantly upgraded and will instead drop off an Infused Engineer, Wraith and Blisterback. It's expensive but as with all reinforcement abilities its use is varied and remains very versatile. Maelstrom: Sucks nearby units to its centre diminishing their ability to move or escape. Great for halting enemy advances by its self but its best used in tandem with splash dealing weaponry and of course pools of Infusion. Maelstrom and the Voridus hero unit special ability or a volley of infused engineers Infusion globs make for a great combo especially when used in conjunction with Cataclysm... Cataclysm: Upon activation, this ultimate ability ignites all Infusion on the map causing a massive spike in damage and allows Infusion to damage air units and buildings. Like Invigorating Frenzy it depends on how much Infusion you have on the battlefield but used effectively this can absolutely devastate and destroy entire armies and bases and at 600 resources and 600 energy, it's not particularly expensive to use particularly as it's a late game ultimate ability. Combo it with all the new units and Infusion abilities to absolutely decimate the late game. BLITZ MODEUnique cards avaliable for use in Blitz mode: Voridus 230 energy Terror Wraith 150 energy Infusion Wake 100 energy Cataclysm 80 energy Infused Engineer 60 energy Invigorating Frenzy 60 energy Scarred Grenadiers 50 energy Infusion Mine 40 energy Naturally, Infusion is brilliant for defending and harassing capture zones. Unlike standard multiplayer however its very hard to make use of it and get lots of it present on the battlefield. Your combo pieces can be rendered extremely ineffective should you miss place or miss time their use. Voridus is an easy way to get lots of Infusion present but as a melee unit he is not super useful in Blitz and can be easily killed. Overall Voridus and his unique cards do not play that well at all compared to other leaders. Overall I would avoid using him in blitz as its extremely challenging to use the available cards to any great effect.  FINAL THOUGHTSVoridus is a fantastic new addition to the Halo Wars 2 leaders yet again rewarding players who like to rush and play aggressively. The key to victory is going for an early game win and making use of cheap units in tandem with the benefits of Infusion to wipe out unprepared enemies and easily destroy their early game troops. Naturally many players will resort to air to deal with Voridus but some well-placed Infusion pools and a well-timed use of Cataclysm can deal with air threats very effectively. Team up with Pavium the other new leader who focuses on defence as many of his new abilities and tactics synergise well Voridus.