You get more leverage with a crowbar
"...I told you," bristles Elliot, stalking in an angry little half-circle around the open – very open – door. It's a heavy door, fireproof, and designed to add an extra layer of overnight security to the collection in the room beyond, but it hadn't been able to stand against the explosives that had been packed around its hinges and lock. "I told you there was something off about the whole setup. Or do you think that it's just a coincidence that someone else decided to rob the museum right after we took down all their security precautions?" He prowls back around again, feet automatically stepping over the unconscious security guard who is dreaming happily on the low-pile carpet – one of several who lies scattered decoratively around the museum thanks to Sophie’s intervention.
Hardison sees his point, but at the same time, it's not like mister punchy-man is the one who has been putting in the hard work on this heist so far. "You're upset? Who spent hours”– okay, lie, it was like five minutes, but he has a mystique to cultivate here –"making sure all the alarms were disabled just to find that someone took advantage of his hard work–"
"Your hard work!" Sophie breaks in with an expressive wave of her hands. "You think it's easy spending two weeks being a docent? On a museum salary? During field trip season?!" She shudders beneath the name badge (not hers) that she is still wearing. There are sticky handprints on the hem of her sensible grey suit.
"Quiet!"
They all stop and look at Nate, who is staring down at the fallen door with a deeply contemplative expression. Hardison can almost hear his fans spinning. "Do you ever feel," he says slowly – and that is his sit-up-and-pay-attention voice, his mastermind voice, his I'm-at-heart-a-deeply-creepy-bastard voice, "that we were being led the whole way here?"
Hardison knows by now that the best way to speed up Nate's processor is with a little kick of wounded pride, and he's got plenty of his own to share. "Naw – you're saying that someone mailing us a newspaper article about the failed repatriation attempts around the duke's collection might not have been a coincidence?"
"I'm saying," says Nate, rising predictably to the bait, "that I think this is less to do with the temple and more to do with some other person or agency about which we, currently, know far less than they apparently do us."
"I can tell you they're Chinese," interjects Elliot. Nate's laser-focus snaps to him, and under that stare he gives a shrug. "Or at least that they learned how to build explosives by working with fireworks in Liuyang. Smell that." He takes a deep sniff and let the breath out through his mouth, just like he's at a wine tasting. What a freak [affectionate]. "Notice how the sulfur tang hits the back of your tongue? The bitter finish?"
Hardison sniffs dutifully, but mostly smells...smoke. And not even much of that – not even enough to set off the museum's smoke detectors even if they and everything else in the adorable little setup the museum thinks is a security system weren't sitting there obediently waiting for Hardison to tell them what to do. "Mmmhmm, sure," he lies, with the ease of long practice. "And you're trying to say you know where this guy trained from a smell?"
"It's a very distinctive smell," says Elliott, right on cue. Damn, Hardison is gonna get Elliot bingo fast tonight. "But the explosive placement on that door is more like the placement you'd use in underground structures, so we're dealing with someone who was trained on explosives in mines, or excavation, or–"
He stops dead. Stares at nothing, brows drawing down in a tangle, and mutters something that sounds mystifyingly like "cultural artifacts". Then tilts his head back and yells like the tiniest, angriest rooster in the world:
"WANG PANGZI, YOU GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!"
There's a moment's pause, and then a deep rumbling chuckle. They all turn towards the source of the sound, just in time to see a man amble into the light. He's a big man, fat-over-muscle, but he moves with the kind of ease that tells Hardison that he knows how to use every ounce. Elliot is glaring at him like he's going to go for his ankles any second, but Hardison is saved from having to intervene (i.e., get out his camera) by the delighted trill that comes from Sophie beside him.
"Pangzi, darling!" She drifts forward like a battleship under full sail and is almost instantly wrapped in the big man's arms, both of them breaking into a fast-paced chatter in a language Hardison recognizes from his hacker forums and subbed dramas as a Chinese dialect (not that the man's features and the fact that he's apparently *also* robbing an exhibit of Chinese antiquities aren't also something of a tip-off). Whoever this guy is, Sophie knows him well, so well that their expressive movements as they both gesture effusively with their hands interweave effortlessly.
Hardison's so busy bemusedly watching this unexpected love-fest that he misses the moment that someone else appears on the scene. What he doesn't miss, though, is Nate stiffening beside him. It's almost a Sterling-level stiffen, and that has Hardison glancing over pretty damn quickly, but all he sees is another man, Chinese like the first but a little younger, and far too ordinary in appearance to be in a museum at midnight with an unconscious guard and a still-smoking door. Hardison looks him over evaluatingly: the glasses say "geek" and the sweater says "prep", but the scar on his neck says either "danger" or "has a hell of a story about a power tool".
"Wu Xie," says Nate, not so much smiling as allowing his teeth to surface from the depths. Oh, Nate hates this guy. Hardison perks up in interest.
"Nate," says the man, returning the smile – and Hardison may not know him, but he's stolen enough antiques to recognize a matched set when he sees one. Innnnnteresting. Hardison tries to remember where he's heard the name Wu Xie before – and 3.5 seconds later, it hits him like a box of rocks.
He flails.
"Wait a minute," he says, loud enough to break through the sound of Sophie and the fat man (who appear to have started singing) all indignation at being used by the competition evaporating like smoke in the face of a much greater injustice. "Wait. A. Minute. If that–" he points at Nate's latest nemesis, who blinks "–is Wu Xie, and that–" another, increasingly accusatory jab of his finger "–is Wang Pangzi, then does that mean"– he can hear his own voice getting higher –"does that mean that Zhang Qiling is around here someplace?"
He spins around, futilely scanning the ceiling, and finishes his circle aimed squarely at his cheating, holdout, betrayer of a boyfriend who'd better enjoy having every internet link he clicks be a rickroll for the next week because he knows what he did. "You know Batman and you didn't tell me?!"
** * **
In the quiet shadows of a balcony above, a dark figure crouches on a railing, his black clothing somehow managing to blend with the dimly-lit neutrals of the museum walls. His posture is attentive but comfortable; his hood is pulled down low over his face, and strapped to his back is a black and gold sword that would be worth a heist in its own right.
Silently, a line drops down from the ceiling and a second figure in black – this one upside-down and with a blond ponytail that hangs down like an inverted exclamation-mark – slides down to hang even with the first.
"Hey, Xiaoge," says Parker, holding out an open bag of marshmallows that she'd liberated from the gift shop.
Not turning his head, Xiaoge nods, and takes a handful.
And together they chew in companionable silence, while their families sort things out below.
62 notes
·
View notes
Okay, this has been rolling around in my head for daaays
Someone take it
Danny phantom x Leverage x DC(Batfam)
Like
Leverage the show about the Robin hood like thieves making a family outta a bunch of weirdos
Meets Danny Phantom
Meets the Batfam
Tucker and Hardison and Babs all geeking the heck out together???
Tucker with a cool older brother figure??
Danny dealing with the Waynes and using them to get Vlad off his back??
SAM AND RAVEN just
Sam and Raven being weird little fuckin goth dorks together!!
Please
Someone with more knowledge of the BatFam and DC please
Use this
53 notes
·
View notes