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a-edgar-allan-hoe · 3 years

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The Last Chthonian

Bucky x Reader, Sam x Reader, Zemo x Reader

Part 6

A/N: Part 6 is here lovelies! I honestly wish it didn’t take me forever to write just one chapter 😭

Summary: Imagine being Hekate, the Greek goddess of magic and witchcraft, the night and the moon, doorways and crossroads, creatures of the night, and ghosts and necromancy. You stumbled upon Earth many centuries ago and since then have resided on the foreign planet. During the recent years you created an alias for yourself to hide your true identity, and after the war against Thanos you chose to live out your days in the Scottish countryside, until a certain trio appear at your doorstep one day.

Warnings: language, some implications of sex because it’s Lucifer we’re talking about here

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4 , Part 5

“Lucifer.” You stood there by the bar trying to get the man’s attention.

The tall man in the suit straightened up once he heard your voice, a glass of alcohol was in his hands as he slowly turning around to face you.

“Well well, if it isn’t my favorite Chthonian, Hekate.” A sly smile broke out on the man’s face. “Surprised to see you here princess, I haven’t seen you in decades.” His dark eyes roamed your frame and the simple clothes you wore while you squinted your eyes at him. “My, you look ravishing as always.”

“Hello Lucifer.” Your voice was firm.

Sam, Bucky, and Zemo had just caught up with you after having to squeeze through everyone, their eyes darting between you and the mysterious, tall, expensive looking man in front of you. Who was this guy and why were you talking to him? And from the way he was looking at you, they began to think he was a previous fling of yours, and though they did not want to admit it, I dare say they were beginning to feel a bit green.

“Well, tell me.” The man finished his drink before pouring himself another glass. “What brings you all the way over here to my little dominion? I’d offer you a drink but I know how much you despise it.”

“I don’t despise it.” You rolled your eyes. “Your liquor collection tastes like piss anyways.”

“I beg your pardon, I always choose the best. You insulting my taste buds now? Truth is, you just can’t get drunk.” He scoffed, turning to you again, swirling the contents of his glass around before taking a sip. “You and your intolerably high tolerance, must be miserable. So tell me, why are you here? Not that I don’t enjoy your company darling.”

“I’m here to collect up on a favor.”

“Oh? Are you now?” The same sly smile retuned to his face as he took a step closer to you. “Does it involve a little you and me? A bit of the ole snog and shag? I’ve always heard how electrifying and intoxicating of an experience it is to be with a Greek deity.”

“Keep that up and I’ll recreate my moment with Julius Caesar.” Your smiled sarcastically, clenching your jaw as you felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Oh how you hated his smug ass sometimes.

“Well I’d certainly love to tangle with you darling. Oh wait....you meant the stabbing didn’t you. Of course you would.”

Sam stepped up in front of you with his fists clenched, glaring at Lucifer once he heard the little exchange. “Hey man, I don’t like you talking to her like that.”

“Yeah. Neither do I.” Bucky stepped up in front of you as well, squaring up against Lucifer. Even Zemo stood close behind, making you look up at him as he was now right beside you, ready to fight the man if need be. If there was one thing he didn’t like, it was definitely vulgarity.

Lucifer smiled in surprise, scoffing at the three men who had now shielded you behind them. It was now your turn to scoff, rolling your eyes at their defensive behavior before pulling them apart so you can get through. “Chill out you three, for fucks sake, I’m not in danger.”

“But-“ Sam tried to argue but you cut him off.

“Trust me, he’s not a threat. And if he was, you don’t want to fight him.”

“Well who are these three dashing gentlemen?” Lucifer quirked a brow as he eyed them all. “Ohh, what’s this? Terminator, Amenadiel 2.0, and Viktor Krum? Are they your little boy toys Hekate?”

Bucky, Zemo, and Sam were fuming as they all tried to charge again, but you held your arms out, smacking them aside. “Watch your mouth Lucifer. They’re my colleagues.”

“That’s never stopped anyone.” He took another sip.

“What’s your deal man?” Sam scowled.

“Well don’t be rude Hekate. Where’s the proper introduction?” Lucifer gestured as his eyes roamed over them.

You sighed before you started to introduce them to each other. “This is Sam, Bucky, and Zemo. Guys, this is-“

“Lucifer Morningstar.” He boasted, slightly bowing. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Lucifer Morningstar?” Bucky cocked his head back as he did a double take.

“Yes, well I said that just now didn’t I.”

“As in the devil?” Sam smirked as if this was a joke. “Horns, tail, pitchfork, half goat devil?”

“You missed out the red cape and tights, but yes, I am the devil, the one and only, yours truly.” Lucifer replied with sarcasm as he was getting annoyed. “But seriously, what is it with the half goat thing. Is this in your realm as well?”

“Yeah.” You replied blandly.

“Ugh, fuck me. I’m never going to escape it.” He rolled his eyes as he chugged the glass down.

“Wait is he for real or is he just a screw loose?” Sam turned to you.

“Yes.”

“Which one is it?”

“Both.”

“She’s kidding right.” Sam muttered to Bucky.

“Don’t ask me Sam. I don’t have a clue about anything at this point.” Bucky shook his head.

“Don’t look at me like that Sam.” You rolled your eyes as Sam glared at you, upset about not knowing firsthand that you were taking them to the damn devil himself. “This isn’t some kind of college lecture where I write things on the board and you just take notes.”

“Well then.” Lucifer turned to you, giving you his full attention. “What exactly is this favor?”

“I need Mazekeen.”

“Desperate now are we?”

You rolled your eyes yet again, you were sure you’d end up cross eyed by the end of the day due to his antics. “I need her to watch over Athena for a while.”

“Ah yes. I forgot you had a little miscreant of your own. But why Maze? Can’t you use one of your own minions?”

“Well I can’t exactly have the empusas or harpies take care of her. Besides, Athena likes Maze.”

“Right. Wouldn’t want a blood sucking demon or a torturous she-bird near your little delinquent.” He turned to the other side of the bar. “Maze! Mazikeen!”

“I heard you once you know.” A dark haired woman stepped up to the bar, glaring at Lucifer before turning to you with surprise. “Hekate? Well hello gorgeous. I didn’t expect you.”

“Hi Maze.” You smiled at her. “How have you been?”

“Unbelievable.” Lucifer muttered. “She scowls at me but smiles at her.”

“Well I’m stuck with this guy so what do you think?” Maze leaned over the counter with a playful roll of her eyes before they landed on the men behind you as she licked her lips. “Ooh. I see you’ve brought dessert.”

Bucky, Sam, and Zemo looked at each other uneasily. Where the hell did you drag them to? Were you literally going to sell them off to Satan himself and leave them there? Was that your master plan all along?

“Uhhh they’re not on the menu. Sorry Maze, they’re my colleagues.”

“Boring isn’t she? Hekate needs you to take care of her little miscreant.” Lucifer interrupted.

“Athena? Really?” Maze’s eyes lit up.

“Just for some time Maze while I go take care of some things.”

“Hell yeah. I’m down. Anything to get away from this place and this asshole.” Maze jumped over the counter with a grin as Lucifer gave her an offended look. “Let me get my things.” You watched as she hurried up the stairs, leaving you and the rest with Lucifer.

“Sooo.” You heard Lucifer speak up, making you groan in annoyance. What now?

“Since we have some lovely time on your hands.” Lucifer slid up to Bucky, Sam, and Zemo with a sly smile and a dark, mischievous glint in his eyes. “Tell me, what is it you truly desire?”

You watched as the men became trapped in his gaze, their stern facial expressions falling as they became vulnerable, opening their mouths to speak of their deepest secret.

“Oh hell no. None of that shit.” You rolled your eyes as you snapped your fingers in their faces, breaking off Lucifer’s spell. Sam, Bucky, and Zemo shook their heads in confusion as they tried to process what the hell just happened.

“Ugh. You are no fun you know that.” Lucifer rolled his eyes at you. “You’re completely and utterly dull. I thought the detective was boring, then there’s you.”

“Hey, what the hell was that?” Sam raised his voice, upset about the weird hypnosis he just experienced.

“Just one of his stupid hoodoo voodoo staring bullshit.” You muttered.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky asked, getting more confused by the minute.

“Well it’s when I ask you what you desire and you tell me your answer willingly.” Lucifer explained the process before make a snide remark about you. “It’s worked wonders until she ruined my mojo.”

“Bold of you to assume you even had any mojo to begin with.” You snapped back.

“You know, I tried my mojo on her once. Do you know what her answer was?” Lucifer brought up.

“I’m guessing her answer was to your disappointment. Was it ‘go away’?” Zemo answered with a sarcastic tone, which made you look up at him, smirking at his comment.

“Close.” Lucifer grinned at Zemo. “It was actually, in her exact words ‘for you to go play a nice game of hide-and-go-fuck-yourself’. How delightful. We became best friends ever since.”

“How unfortunate.” You mumbled with your arms crossed.

“Now I must say.” Lucifer stepped up to Zemo as he touched the fur collar of his coat. “I’m loving this coat. Are you part of the Russian mafia?”

“Please don’t touch me.” Zemo moved Lucifer’s hand away with his gloved one. “I’d rather not have your hands near me, considering the....places they have been.”

“Oh.” Lucifer turned to you with amusement. “I like this one. Now really, what is he, hm?”

“I don’t know. Looks human to me.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“He’s the baron of Sokovia. Lay off will ya?”

“Sokovia? Never heard of it. But a baron? How exciting, looks like we have two royals in the building, including me of course. Now, since we have some time to spare, how about we go upstairs and make it a royal three-“

You scowled at Lucifer, stepping on his foot before he could finish his sentence. This motherfucker.

“Ow! Those are Pradas!”

“Next time it’s your family jewels.”

“Alright then, you win. I’ll keep my mouth shut if that keeps you from tyrannizing me. My word you hit hard.”

You rolled your eyes yet again, praying for Maze to hurry up. You were feeling extremely sorry that the three had to put up with his foolish behavior. You couldn’t help the breath of relief once you saw Maze approaching you with her bag.

“Thank the gods.” You sighed before speaking to Maze. “You ready?”

“Let’s go.” She smiled.

“Well I’ll see you later then Maze, have fun with the little miscreant.” Lucifer commented. “And I hope you’ll return soon Hekate? I always do enjoy your company, no matter how cruel and dreary you are.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” You waved Lucifer goodbye as you made your way towards the exit. “Say hi to Amenadiel and Chloe for me! I prefer their company any day over yours! Oh also! You better ask Chloe out or I will take her out myself!”

Once you had left the stuffy building, you were able to breathe better as you took in a big breath of the night air, feeling a little more at peace.

“Finally.” Sam spoke up with an irritated scowl on his face. “He was getting on my damn nerves. What a guy.”

“You’re telling me.” Bucky uttered, his posture was more relaxed now, now that he was away from the large crowd and away from Lucifer.

“Did you expect anything different?” Zemo tilted his head. “He is the devil, as y/n briefly mentioned.”

“About that.” Sam turned to you with a scolding look. “We need to talk.”

“Not now Sam.” You silenced him before turning to Maze. “Okay there’s going to be some ground rules. First off, no parties.”

“Yeah I know.” Maze rolled her eyes.

“Hang on. I’m not finished. No drinking, Athena does not need to be seeing that. Absolutely no men over of any kind, because that’s just gross. I have plenty of food in the fridge and in my garden. Also here’s some money for takeout if you want it. And-“

“Hekate, I got it.” Maze stopped you, putting a hand on your shoulder. “Chloe lectured the same thing to me when I had to babysit Trixie. I know how this all works. I promise I’ll take good care of her.”

“I know. This is just my first time.” You sighed.

“She’ll be safe with me I promise.”

“I trust you Maze. Oh also, if anyone threatening decides to stop by-“

“Slice em up.”

“Yes.....but no.”

“Awww. That’s no fun.” Maze slumped her shoulders.

“Life is full of disappointments. Just give them a good scare. You know what to do.” You told her as you opened up a portal for her that led to your home. “You got everything?”

“Yup. See you later Hekate.” She gave you one last smile before disappearing into the portal. You watched as it closed behind her, trying your best to wash away all the doubts. You knew Maze would take good care of Athena, that was certain. But life hasn’t been very kind to you lately. And you’ve only been more on edge ever since you lost your planet. But you had hope, because Athena was the last favor of kindness that was offered to you, and you weren’t going to let her go. So with the little bit of faith in you, you sent over a protective spell on Maze, just for the extra precaution, a part of you knowing everything would turn out just fine.

“So.” You spoke up. “Where do we start?”

Tag List: @Little-baby-vixen @girl-obsessed-with-things @aerynchromie @sunshinepower17 @viviace @kakimakiloh @thebivirgin @gambitsqueen @spookycereal-s @lulu-yuming @mochminnie @gabitanaka47 @s00nhi @vanteguccir @tomhollandsslilslut @dracoxxyoflam @suchababie @uhhhcrypticbastard @pollynx

#bucky x female reader #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky fic #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fluff #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x y/n #sam wilson fanfiction #sam wilson imagine #zemo fanfic #zemo x reader #zemo x you #zemo imagine #zemo x y/n #zemo fluff

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scarletarosa · 3 years

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Bune

One of the goetic demonesses who serves under High King Satan. As with all other goetic demons, Bune is an ancient deity who was part of the rebellion against the tyrant god. This information was documented by me through speaking to her and from working with this wonderful infernal goddess.

Rulerships: abundance, cooking, vigilance, joy

History: Bune is a draconic goddess who once was the protector of an enormous other-worldly library full of books about crafts and meals. This was many long ages ago before the tyrant Jehovah arrived in this Universe; an Aeonic god who creates the physical and metaphysical Universes. When he did show up, his lust for dominion drove him to usurp the Throne of the Universe and began commanding the Angels (who were serving the supreme deities: the Source and Queen of Heaven). When this began, there was a chaotic rebellion led by Lucifer, the first-born, which started a terrible war. Satan, who was one of the Seraphim, was part of this rebellion and leading his allies against Jehovah; among them was Bune. When Jehovah was about to strike Satan and violently wound him, Bune shielded him with her body. In retaliation, the tyrant threw them both into Hell along with the other rebels.

Once in Hell, the energy of these entities gradually transformed into something dark since they were being constantly exposed to the chaotic energies around them. Due to this, they collectively became known as the race called “demons”. The three most powerful of the demons became the High Kings of Hell, these are Lucifer, Satan, and Leviathan. Being loyal to Satan, Bune remained with him and serves within his kingdom.

Rank: Duchess

Elements: Earth and Fire

Colours: Brown and Red

Appearance: Although Bune is a dragon, she usually prefers to appear humanoid nowadays. In this form, she is a slightly plump woman in her late 30′s with brown eyes and has brownish-blonde hair that comes down to her shoulders. She also doesn’t typically make her horns or wings visible but can manifest them at will. During battles, Bune’s primary weapon is an over-sized kitchen knife (almost like a short-sword) that can penetrate most armours like butter.

Personality: Bune is one of the few demons who tend to be quite friendly. She is very sociable, bubbly, generous, creative, humble, motherly, compassionate, attentive, and observant. She also explains that the reason for her natural attentive skills is because good fortune often comes due to these traits (and as a deity of abundance, it is something she is a natural at). Besides this, Bune is deeply fond of children and enjoys making them happy. She also loves cooking many different things, creating perfumes, doing jigsaw puzzles, board games, armchairs, rocking chairs, cauldrons, kitchen pots, clarinet music, snakes, bees, making soaps, and candle-making. Another of Bune’s favourite pass-times is reading literature (especially romance or poetry) by the fireplace. She is a very warm-hearted demoness and isn’t usually aggressive, but is deeply protective when needed. Although when angered, she becomes more of her draconic self and can be extremely frightening.

Bune has explained that since she is one of the elder deities, she has created some aspects/shards of herself to act within pantheons. One such aspect is the goddess Amalthea and another is Cornucopia.

Things she can help with: Since Bune is the #1 patroness of cooking, she can help people become skilled in this art or help improve restaurants. She can also teach recipes and provide creative inspiration. Since Bune is abundance (not wealth, however), she can assist you in gaining good fortune. If there are enemies who are blocking you from getting the fortune you deserve, you can call upon Bune and request her to deal with them. She will then punish them and allow you to receive what is rightfully yours. Bune can also teach you to become more cautious and mindful, or to make better decisions in order to gain better fortune.

Her Enn (for meditation or devotion): Wehl Melan Avage Bune Tasa

Offerings: sweet red wine, sangria, milk spiced with black pepper and cinnamon, honey, duck roasted with orange, baked salmon with butter, trout, prawns, loaves of bread, all cheese, smoked cheese, all fruits (especially mangoes, pomegranates, coconuts, apricots, cumquats, pineapples, grapes, peaches, pears, dates, and plums), pumpkins, baked potatoes, roasted potatoes, courgettis, pastas, asparagus, artichoke, corn, celery, mushrooms, fava beans, rooster legs, soup, meat pies, apple pies, tarts, chocolate logs, oatmeal, broth, eggs, mustard, basil, parsley, spices, brown sugar, geraniums, petunias, dahlias, mimosa, pansies, sunflowers, orange rutilated quartz, chrysoberyl, imperial topaz, brown calcite, ornamental hearts (of glass, metal, etc), carved wooden spoons, beeswax soaps, thick red candles, poetry, incense of jasmine + sandalwood or amber + musk

#bune #goetia #goetic demons #infernal gods #draconic deities #deity work #demonology #demonolatry #theistic satanism #luciferianism

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obeymeluv · 4 years

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Random Headcanons for the Bros (SFW + NSFW)

I’m bored and was thinking about the more ‘demon’ noises they’d make. It turned into a bunch of random headcanons (SFW + NSFW).

Enjoy!

These got really long so I skipped Belphie for now. I was getting sleepy and I need more time to think up some headcanons for him.

I think I caught all the spelling errors but I’m not sure. Super sleepy...

Lucifer

His ‘angry’ demon noise sounds a lot like the ones koalas make. It’s not an especially deep or rugged noise, like a lion, but this simmering mess of hisses and clicks with a bit of air in it.

Tends to keep his mouth closed and tongue fluffed when making the noise so it sounds more subdued/reptilian

Lucifer’s horns are very sensitive. Mammon found that out at an early age. His beloved could use this to their advantage, but it does bring the teeth.

Would deny to his last breath that he likes head massages or temple rubs. If you can manage, give the guy a shoulder rub and he’s putty in your hands. Won’t even speak. Might make a clicky purr sound though.

When he doesn’t want you to leave or could really use another minute with head scratches, his tail will wrap around your wrist and hold it in place.

When you share a bed, he’s not a snuggler. Lucifer’s the type to be content knowing you’re in the same space. He moves in his sleep, though, so you always end up a little spoon

Asmo says he has a size kink, but he’s not sure. Lucifer will begrudgingly admit he likes power dynamics. There’s something thrilling about grabbing you by the throat, as delicate as you are, but being so gentle with you.

He’s not the most aggressive biter in bed, but he will use his teeth and claws for the sensation. Lucifer’s big on anticipation and overstimulation

Weak for neck kisses, especially at his pulse. Attack! He WILL get even though, so beware.

Doesn’t openly think he has any clothing-related kinks, but he’ll stare a bit longer if you dress up in red or black.

Would never do it in front of his brothers because of the teasing, but very much the ‘come sit in my lap’ type.

His pride won’t let him allow any public fun times, not even the fear of getting caught, but he does get off on flustering you and watching you pull yourself back together before anyone catches on

The ‘lots of strong, long kisses’ kind of guy. Not big on French kissing unless he has time to indulge and knows he won’t be interrupted

Runs very hot when he sleeps. He prefers to be shirtless so cold sheets take the edge off.

You’ll come before he does. It’s a matter of pride, after all.

His love language is helping you get organized (if you’re not), and tracking down resources to things you’re interested in because that’s within his skill set. Also good at creating absolute silence for you if you have a migraine.

If Lucifer makes a pact with you, it’ll be around your heart because it takes a lot of self-sacrifice to do. He’s TRUSTING you.

Mammon

Mammon sounds like an angry tortoise when he’s woken up too early, when he’s embarrassed (or in denial), or telling one of his little brothers to shut up without saying it

I head cannon that he actually needs the glasses he wears. Or that he has contacts and just wanted yellow frames because yellow is the color of Grimm

It crossed my mind that he might wear them just so he can see everything as golden and beautiful because he remembers the Celestial Realms and misses it

He says he stays with you because Lucifer assigned him, but once you connect with him on ANY level (say something nice, defend him, just give him attention instead of suspicion), he’s 100% whipped. Wants to be with you all the time and chase that feeling you give him. He needs more of it. Has to have it!

Mammon’s a sucker for getting his hair played with. Run your fingers through it, play with the ends, and you could probably rob him blind

Will also pester you for back massages because he jacks up his back running from Lucifer all the time (and trying to run off with heavy shit to pawn)

Is really good with math, has bad impulse control, and gets very distractable. Would probably surprise a few of his brothers with his math mark is and the fact that he could tutor if he stays in the right mindset.

He’s the sloppy/needy kisser that has to be as close as he can. He’ll end up between your thighs and somehow surround you.

Big on little butterfly kisses.

He’s not a full-on biter, but he’s a nibbler. He’s a hickey expert and he wants them to be seen.

Actually super easy to turn on. If you take his glasses off and get close enough to see him, he’s hard because you rubbed up on him coming into view. Also: praise him. IT WORKS!

The Avatar of Greed probably has a breeding kink. Just saying.

Might complain about it, but he’ll give you piggyback rides and carry you if you ask. Literally, all you have to do is ask.

You can’t do the whole ‘laying in nothing but my earrings’ because he’ll either take your earrings out before sex to look at them (very much an ‘oh, shiny!’ person), teeth them during sex and break them, or he’ll think you look so good he’ll want to pile on ALL the jewelry.

Steal his clothes to wear them? He’ll lowkey cry. YOU LOOK SO CUTE, ALMOST AS GREAT AS THE GREAT MAMMON!

Prefers to be the little spoon, but honestly if you fall asleep with him you guys end up tangled up together. Usually face-to-chest, but some kind of tangled up together

Can’t always keep up the dirty talk in bed because he gets so sappy, but he’s big on soft touches, hickies, and needing praise if you want him to go harder/faster when he’s in his gentle moods

Will fight Belphie for King of Lap Naps. Mammon would monetize your nappin’ thighs but then he’d have to share them and that just seems like a bad business idea.

Main fantasy? You begging. Beg for him to do anything and you’re occupied for the next few hours.

Has a bit of a smart mouth so he’ll also get into banter with you and if you get the last word, he’s super embarrassed, proud, and give him a consolation kiss or something, huh?

Helpless when you initiate it because SHIT that was bold and he can’t believed it worked! All you have to do is say his name, look him in the eyes, then his lips, and kiss him. If you think you’re walking away, you don’t make it far.

The type to con you into a quickie in the closet our just out of view/hearing of the others.

The type to write checks his mouth can’t cash 85% of the time. Call his bluff. If he invites you into the bath, do it. Walk in naked. You might have to save him from drowning.

Leviathan

Levi’s angry noises sound like bearded dragon hisses. Those hisses are used for warning, frustration, and when he does the uncomfortable prickle of awkwardness. When he disagrees or is bashful, they get a warble/chatter to them.

I headcanon that they can also take on their demon form when they feel threatened, as it puts out an aura and makes them more defensive. Levi can transform the easiest due to him feel uncomfortable and not being the most sociable.

When he’s in demon form, his tail will either wrap around him for comfort or will go over to the person he most trusts to comfort him. He tends not to consciously want to touch Lucifer with his tail, but there’s something instinctual about going to the oldest brother. He usually goes to Satan or you (if you’ve reached that type of intimacy)

You would think a guy that shamelessly plays a lot of otome games and uses them as social guides (even though they’re far from perfect) wouldn’t be so susceptible to a peek of skin or nudity, but LEVI IS WEAK!

That whole ‘shirt rides up getting a library book’ thing? He’s dead.

The biggest virgin, basically. Boy’s got a strong imagination and he’s sensitive from the whole ‘gross otaku’ complex.

His biggest fantasy? Water play. He wants to be the big, scary monster who grabs a tasty, tiny human and has his wicked (totally consensual) way.

One of the more adventurous bros because he’s seen a lot of stuff in anime and wants to know if it would really work.

Will definitely ask for a blow job. It’s the shortest blow job ever but he loved it.

Is weak for any kind of kiss so have at it! Especially likes kisses on the mouth, shoulder kisses (because that means cuddling!), and kisses on his chest or belly.

The type to get addicted to sex once he has it, but not helplessly so. He won’t say no if you ask.

Is too embarrassed to ask you to wear some of his clothes so he just kind of leaves them in your room and waits to see if you wear it. If you don’t, he buys you matching clothes so you HAVE to.

Once you’re dating, you’re his good luck charm. No ifs, ands, or buts! He NEEDS you for game night, even if you fall asleep in his arms, okay?

After getting used to the idea of giving you affection and understanding your boundaries, he’s dropping a forehead kiss 24/7.

He hisses more than his brothers, and his tongue can do some tricks the other bros can’t. He’s WAY better than those other dumb humans, too.

You’re one of the only people who can pull him out of his room. He becomes aware that you get him out for exercise (or because Lucifer asks) but if he leaves the House of Lamentation and has you to himself, he won’t complain.

Satan

Cougar noises--the chuffs, the growls, the yeowls, all of it. He is big angry kitty boy

He’s afraid of losing his temper but he’s got a ridiculously tight grip on the reins. You wouldn’t think he’s the Avatar of Wrath until one of his brothers set him off.

His love language is gentle pets, a good book, and a cup of tea. He’s your guard when you don’t want to deal with the outside world. Because Satan’s super logical and admires detectives, his love language is also helping you solve your problems. He just conveniently shows up with something that helps (because he’s been listening and is a background type).

Is emotionally keen, perhaps because his cardinal sin is wrath and he can be sensitive. He has a radar for you and it calls him like a moth to a flame.

Want to seduce him? Read to him. It’s that easy. Share your favorite quotes.

Or just take a cheap shot and do something with cats. He may enlist you to smuggle Hellcats into the House of Lamentation since Lucifer can’t do anything to the precious exchange student. Being its ‘parents’ will bring you close.

Doesn’t like mornings but forces himself to be a morning person. HIGHLY enjoys it if you’re not because it’s so nice to see you go through all the stages of discontent before resigning yourself to getting up and starting the day

He’s not easy to fluster, but he’s the ‘tried and true’ when it comes to getting bothered. If you find something that works, file it away because it will ALWAYS work.

If you fluster him, he has to make it even. It’s the only way he’ll feel good about his weakness. Much prefers if you’re worse off than he is, actually, because there’s something delicious about it

A bit of a sadist. Prefers drawn-out pleasure and taking you for all that you can give

Loves to catch you with that studded tail and keep you in place. Very much likes to drag you back to him. That looks pretty, too.

HIS TAIL IS SENSITIVE. TOUCH IT. PET IT. HIS IQ DROPS TO THE SINGLE DIGITS.

Doesn’t know what to call his kinks, but the idea of restraining you is a nice one. Likes the positions where he has to hold you against him or in place, or can move parts of you to better fit with him. Big on taking you from behind.

Doesn’t care if he’s the big spoon or the little spoon. Just wants to make sure you’re there with him.

Has a fantasy about you serving him tea naked in his room.

Big on biting, and is usually embarrassed about the marks the next day

The type to let you throw your legs over his lap and read in contented silence with you, occasionally massaging your leg

Boy likes legs. Show ‘em off.

Interrupt intense studying sessions (because he over-studies and studies WAY TOO EARLY FOR TESTS) with snuggly pop quizzes (”Who’s cute? A) You, B) The Avatar of Wrath, C) Satan, or D) All of the Above”) because he lives for it.

Cheeky and unexpectedly playful. Will wake you up with tickling or tracing. If you are romantically involved, he’s definitely woken you up with a squeeze or kiss at least once

If you’re in a pact with him, it shows up on your thigh or hip.

Very proficient with magic. Has probably found a way to bring it into the bedroom.

Asmodeus

The cuddliest boy

His angrier noises tend to sound like a giant salamander but his cute flirty/chirpy noises sound like a toy gecko.

I headcanon that Asmodeus became part incubus when he fell to Devildom, or that he ended up with some of those traits once he became the Avatar of Lust

He can feed off the various types of love emotions (genuine love, sweet crush love, jealous love, sex, etc.) but it doesn’t fill him up as much as hunting humans or other demons. It’s just something he can feed off of more frequently so it keeps hunger at bay.

Will pamper his crush or someone he holds dear because that’s bonding. He wants SOMEONE to understand the lengths he goes through to be beautiful! It’s a process! Respect him!

The biggest hype boyfriend ever. Will take your confidence to new levels and show you that you can rock anything

Epitome of ‘looks like a cinnamon roll but could actually kill you’ trope

Are you having a play date with makeup? Turn those lipstick swatches into lipstick kisses and he’s got to stop and recollect himself. His little heart’s going so fast!

Glows when you praise him. It could be something he’s heard for centuries but somehow you say it better than anyone ever has.

When he’s feeling extra affectionate and just really loves you, his eyes will be a pinky-red.

Wants to be babied. Please kiss him.

100% down for soft cuddles and luxurious touches. Long days spent in bed and slow, dream-like sex.

Doesn’t really like his hair messed with because he works on it a lot.

Touch his arms, his back, and his chest and he’s all yours.

Will kiss you anywhere, but his favorite place to kiss you when you’re cuddling is on the inside of your wrist

Prefers to be the little spoon.

The skin on his shoulders can dry out when he takes on his demon form. Something about the texture of demon wings dries them out really bad. Put lotion on him and he’s singing your praises.

Gets you into the most exclusive places and plans the best shopping days. Your off days will be the envy of everyone in the Devildom!

Asmodeus is very perceptive when it comes to his love, and very receptive in terms of sex. It feels like the world’s longest questionnaire before you have sex, but he needs to be ABSOLUTELY clear about your experience, comfort, what you like, and what you don’t.

Probably gets off first because the act of having sex is very heady and strong. It’s a massive energy boost at once. It’s the second-best type of feed he can get and makes him feel drunk/light-headed.

Definitely makes up for it. You probably won’t be able to walk afterwards.

Big on PDA around others. Holding hands and matching nails!

When Asmodeus makes a pact with you, it shows up in aesthetic places like your shoulder, your wrist, your ankle, or above your chest.

Is big on receiving praise but not as big as Mammon

Sex with him can be rough and hard, sweet and gentle, and everything in between. Is very likely to mess up your clothes because he has a hard time controlling his claws when he’s in the moment but you can wear his clothes. It’s fine.

Will give you hickies. Loves the colors they take on your skin.

If he’s helping you get ready for an event, all that pretty makeup might get messed up when he takes you against the vanity. He can’t help it!

10/10 the best, most supportive boyfriend. A sweetheart with claws.

Beelzebub

Sweetest boy. The one that has good intentions even if things don’t go to plan

Very loyal. He’s neutral to everyone when they first meet him, but he’ll quickly pick favorites or befriend someone if his intuition says he should.

Beel’s a pretty good people-reader. Maybe it comes from being an older twin, but he knows a bad heart when he sees it

Is very empathetic and can get really upset for his hungry fury. It’s hard to shake but if you’re gentle/persistent, you’ll get a smile.

If you get some tears, just hold him and tell him it’s okay. You know it’s hard to control.

Also on team ‘play with my hair’

He’s a sucker for kisses around his ear, the base of his throat, AND HIS STOMACH. KISS THAT TUMMY!

Forgets that he’s built very differently than you and is honestly amused by how awe-struck you get with his muscles.

Squeeze his bicep. It makes him blush.

Quiet fawning over his muscles really warms his heart. Just praise him, kiss him, and run your fingers over his chest and you’ll get the good, deep rumbly polar bear purr.

Beel has deep, rolling demon noises. It’s something about how tall and wide he is that makes the reverb shake deep in your bones no matter how gentle it is

Will think the stars of you if he catches you looking after his family.

His heart skips a beat and his face goes super red if you pack him snacks with little notes on them

Is 100% down for food dates.

Loves carrying you. He’s nice and helpful and when you start dating, he just loves having his tiny human close.

Has to learn to temper his strength when you start dating because he tried to be cute and scoop you up but almost threw you into the ceiling

Very gentle bear hugs from very gentle Beel

Prefers you to climb on him when you want to cuddle that way he doesn’t accidentally hurt you. Loves to feel you struggling to climb on his back.

Likes to snuggle your arms when they’re wrapped around his neck (especially when you’re getting a piggyback). Absently rubs your thighs/knees because they’re in his hands.

Lots of absentminded but heartfelt kisses because you smell good and he loves you. He just wants to kiss you, not taste you! (”One more, please?”)

Has a size kink. He’s a big boy so you’re probably smaller by default and you’re just easy to pick up and hold and--boy’s going to bust a nut just getting you into position

Big into oral because you smell good and taste good and he could eat you for HOURS. He has the strength and stamina, trust me.

Has the best jawline of the bros because he’s always working his mouth muscles.

Tends to take you from behind just to minimize the height difference but he’s also had sex in the kitchen, in his bed, and is coming around the idea of you being on top of him.

Won’t leave hickies but he’s the suckling type. Most likely to leave fingerprints/handprints

Heavy post-cuddler.

If you feed him (even jokingly) after sex, he’s going to immediately roll over and want to go again.

You love him enough to feed him and he just loves you and--?!!

If you cook him anything, he’ll definitely give his compliments to the chef

Always buys you cute aprons and things to wear in the kitchen. Has a matching set even if it doesn’t fit him very well.

If you make a trip to the human world, please come back with a bunch of cheeseburgers for your baby. He’ll love you forever (even though he already does).

Loves to cuddle. If you rest your head on him, he puts his arm around you and pull you in close. He’ll initiate the ‘in lap cuddling’.

Is surprisingly good at potions because he’s familiar with the ingredients and can tell if you’re on the right track based on how it smells.

Loves to feed you. Won’t say no to being fed. Didn’t know he had a finger kissing/sucking kink until he was being careful with a bite of food and somehow still got your finger (no damage though).

When you make a pact with Beelzebub, it shows up on your stomach.

#Obey Me!#Obey Me! x Reader #Lucifer x Reader #Mammon x Reader #Leviathan x Reader #Levi x Reader #Satan x Reader #Asmo x reader #Asmodeus x reader #beelzebub x reader #beel x reader

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joezworld · 3 years

Note

I loved your fic "Mind Reading, Soul Stealing, Red Eyed, Diesel Electric Monsters!".

It got me wondering, how would Oliver react to meeting Rusty, Mavis and Salty. This would preferably take place either before or quite after your fic.

It would certainly be interesting interactions, especially with sweet little Rusty.

Mavis/Daisy

“Did you hear?” Daisy asked Mavis one morning as she brought the workers to the mine. “The Fat Controller’s found another engine - and a steamer at that!”

“Really?” Mavis said as she lined up trucks to take down to Ffarquhar. “I didn’t think there were many left?”

“Mmhmm. This one’s been ‘on the run’ from BR. Made it all the way up from the West Country - apparently it took him all year, hiding in sidings and whatnot.”

Mavis looked ill. “And I don’t suppose he met any nice diesels during his trip?”

Daisy side-eyed her. “He called me a 'coach possessed by Satan' and hid behind Donald until I left.”

“I see.” Mavis didn’t look any less uncomfortable. “Maybe I’ll let him get settled in before I make myself known.”

“Too late for that.” Daisy chuckled fatalistically. “The Fat Controller wants him to do some general traffic work while they reopen a branch for him and Duck. He’s coming here tomorrow. For a week.”

Mavis’ eyes widened. “Oh no.”

Three days later, Mavis trundled down the tramway to Ffarquhar, a long line of trucks behind her. She was feeling poorly - the quarry company had received a batch of diesel that was sub-standard, and her motor was blowing thick clouds of sooty exhaust everywhere she went. The heavy train wasn’t helping matters, and she looked like a steam engine as she left a thick black cloud in her wake.

As she approached the station, the sound of arguing could be heard.

“- and I will not!” Bellowed an unfamiliar voice belonging to an unfamiliar green tank engine. “She is going to replace us! Just you wait and see!”

Various unprintable statements followed this - it seemed like Percy had either woken up on the wrong side of the shed this morning, or he’d fully accepted Daisy as his friend and was defending her as such.

Speaking of Daisy... “She has already been here for seven years, darling.” The railcar said in a voice so smooth it was practically dripping oil. “And if she has done nothing yet, then why would she do something at all?”

“I don’t know! But I’m not going to sit here and do nothing while you enact your evil scheme!”

“What evil scheme?” Thomas shouted above the din. He’d arrived with a train of empties for Mavis to take back to the quarry, and was not happy about how Daisy was being slandered.

“Evidently I have one.” Daisy muttered dryly while the tank engine sputtered about her “admitting it!”

It took a few more minutes for Thomas to bring the situation mostly under control. Mavis, having stayed mostly out of sight in the goods yard, was quietly shoving her train into a siding when Thomas mentioned her name.

“- and look at Mavis over there. She’s been here for just as long as Daisy has and she’s not evil!”

Trying to be helpful, Mavis gave a toot of her horn as he pushed the brake van out of the way.

This was evidently the wrong thing to do. The tank engine’s eyes almost popped out of his smoke box as he stared at Mavis and the cloud of black smoke pouring from her stack.

“IT’S POSSESSED A STEAM ENGINE! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE EVIL!!!” He shrieked, and fled the yard so quickly it seemed like magic.

The yard was silent for a moment. Everyone stared at each other as they tried to process what had just happened. The tank engine had definitely just run through a red signal and left all his wagons in the yard as well, so they were going to have to deal with that in due time.

“Well,” Daisy said as calmly as one could in this situation, her eyes never leaving the trail of black smoke that trailed in the runaway tank engine’s wake. “At least he didn’t explode.”

Rusty

Peter Sam watched the big railway with some degree of wariness. They’d just acquired a new steam locomotive from the mainland, and he didn’t seem to be a fan of diesels, no matter their size. Sir Handel had spoken at length about how this engine had spoken ill of Rusty even when the little diesel wasn’t there to stand up for himself.

Skarloey had looked especially aggrieved, and had swapped trains with Rheneas that morning to see if he could give the big engine a piece of his mind.

Of course, that was easier said than done, and midday heat had lulled both engines into a mild doze.

The clatter of an engine approaching caused Peter Sam to lazily open his eyes. The new standard gauge engine was sitting nearby, looking at them quizzically.

“You don’t look like the ones I met last night.” He said.

“No.” Said Skarloey, who was evidently awake even though his eyes were shut. “There’s more of us than that.”

“Oh!” The other engine said brightly. “In that case, I’m-”

“I don’t care who you are.” Skarloey said with much more bite to his tone than Peter Sam had ever heard before.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You won’t get any, but you can try.” Skarloey said without opening his eyes. “I heard what you said about my friend Rusty. Now, I don’t care what your actual thoughts about diesels are - I understand that you’ve had a bad experience with them, but Rusty is too innocent to hear your hurtful remarks.”

The old engine paused, and Peter Sam tried to not look like he was staring in shock - he’d never seen Skarloey speak to anyone like this.

Skarloey continued. “If I ever hear you speak to Rusty like that,”

His eyes opened, and both Peter Sam and the big engine lurched back from the deep-seated malice in his gaze.

“The difference in gauges will not save you. Understand?”

Salty

(I’d like to point out that I’m really not sure if Salty would fit into an Awdry-style universe, so this may or may not be canon)

“So then the Ghost Ship rose out of the deep! Lighting flashed, and ice crackled - the two tugboats were scared out o’ their minds by images of King Neptune that they saw in the fog!”

Salty’s story was in full swing, and the dockside machinery were enjoying themselves, but the visiting diesel was having none of it.

“Oh come on, that’s not scary!” He protested. “I’ve seen worse than that with my own eyes!”

Salty grinned. “Oh-kay then! What have ye got? Some buffer-tingling story is just what I need!”

“Oh. Well, it’s not a story really.” The Class 37 said. “It’s just - I’ve been doing the scrap trains recently, and let me tell you, going through the lines of dead steamers is scary even in the day - and I’ve had to go out there at night!”

That kind of took the air out of shed. Salty, the cranes, and a tramp steamer within earshot all looked dejected.

“What?” The 37 asked. “It is scary!”

“Aye, lad, it is, but this be Sodor,” Salty said slowly. “And we don’t like that ‘round these parts. It’s too depressing, especially for the steamers.”

As if to illustrate his point, a steam whistle sounded in the distance - a small green tank engine trundled around the side of a building and appeared in the distance.

With a barely audible “YIPE!”, he took one look at the pair of diesels, screeched to a halt, and went steaming backwards as fast as he could.

“Y’see?” Salty said after a moment. “We don’t do that here.”

#ttte #ask response #sodor #sodor shenangians #fic #ttte oliver #ttte skarloey #ttte peter sam #ttte salty #ttte mavis #ttte daisy #ttte thomas

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dustedandsocial · 3 years

Text

Top Several Hundred Records of 2020

My Top 11: 1. Slum Of Legs - Slum Of Legs (Harbinger Sound / Spurge) 2. Oily Boys - Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death) 3. Model Home - SE (Future Times) 4. Valentina Magaletti & Marlene Ribeiro - due matte (Commando Vanessa / Horn of Plenty <O) 5. Kris & Tavi - Kris & Tavi (Misophonia) 6. Still House Plants - Fast Edit (Bison) 7. None - Khneï Khneï Thnacapata Thnacapata (Unknown Precept) 8. Rychlicki / Kostkiewicz - Zapis (Absolute Fiction / Maternal Voice) 9. Rosso Polare - Lettere Animali (Klammklang) 10. Patois Counselors - The Optimal Seat (ever/never) 11. Impatiens - Scene At The River (Altered States) Favorite 20 That Weren't My Top 11: 12. Irma Vep - Embarrassed Landscape (Gringo) 13. FRKSE - Desecration Anxiety II (Iron Lung) 14. Merula - Sleep (Men Scryfa) 15. Al Karpenter - If We Can't Dream, They Can't Sleep!! (ever/never) 16. BbyMutha - Muthaland (the muthaboard) 17. Pose Dia - Front View (Bureau B) 18. SIR E.U - Midnight Train To Velvet (Self-Released) 19. Nightshift - Nightshift (Cusp) 20. Massicot - Kratt (Harbinger Sound / Spurge / Bongo Joe / Red Wig) 21. Alessandra Novaga - I Should Have Been a Gardener (Die Schachtel) 22. Zeroh - BLQLYTE (Leaving) 23. Swallow - Body Horror (ANA) 24. Pink Siifu & Fly Anakin - FlySiifu's (Lex) 25. Balans - Sam pravm (Kapa) 26. Bruch - The Fool (Trost / Cut Surface) 27. P22 - Human Snake (Post Present Medium) 28. ovrkast. - Try Again (do more.) 29. Chapelier Fou - Méridiens (Ici d'ailleurs) 30. Schisms - Speech Copy Rap Master (Fort Evil Fruit) 31. Új Bála - How the Cookie Crumbles (Czaszka Records)

Mozo Mozo - Mozo Mozo (Epileptic Media) Orion Moustache - EP02 (Noorden) Mentira! - Mentira! (Harbinger Sound) Leyden Jars - Gone (Outer Reaches) Last Call At Nightowls - Ask the Dust (Subsound) Gaffer - Gaffer (Helta Skelta) Inturist (Интурист) - Action! (Incompetence) Директор Всего (The CEO of Everything) - Самый занятой гражданин (Doing Great Music) Christos Chondropoulos - On Nature (12th Isle) Uptown XO - Culture Over Corporate (1 Force United) Lichen Gumbo - Altered Village (Ikuisuus ‎/ Jumatsuga ‎/ Lal Lal Lal) The Worms - Back To The Bog (Hidden Bay) Kneeling In Piss - Music for Peasants EP (Anyway) Taste - Rope In The Closet ( If Society / Half Bear Half Cat / Roge Records) Flogging A Dead One Horse Town - Old Scum EP (MUZAI) BIG $ILKY (Psalm One & Angel Davanport) - BIG $ILKY Vol. 2 (Self-Released) Dame Area - La Soluzione É Una (Màgia Roja / B.F.E Records) Enir Da - Silence (Too Soon Tapes) Obnox - Savage Raygun (ever/never) Mike Cooper - Playing With Water (Room40) Nape Neck - Nape Neck (Self-Released) S.U.V. - Neoliberal Folk Songs II (Otomatik Muziek) Patrick Shiroishi - Descension (Thin Wrist Recordings) Pink Siifu - NEGRO (Self-Released) En Attendant Ana - Juillet (Trouble In Mind) Sergei Demin - Not Music Of The Day (Klammklang) Brandy - The Gift Of Repetition (Total Punk) Nyx Nótt - Aux Pieds De La Nuit (Melodic) Bearer - Precincts (ANA) Norms - Háború és fű (Mindig Otthon Punk Discs) Vertical Slump - Oubliette (Blank Editions) Lau Nau - Själö (With Sound Environments by Janne Laine) (Fonal) Model Home - One Year (Disciples) WOW - Falene (Maple Death) Santa Sprees - Sum Total of Insolent Blank (Leapantique) Edd Sanders - Sun Bleached & Hollow (Cadmus) Charlemagne Palestine - Ffroggssichorddd (Staalplaat) Loopsel - Loopsel EP (Mammas Mysteriska Julebox) Kuupuu - Plz Tell Me (KRAAK) (I forget whether I put the oriinal version of this on my year-end list last year. Here it is again though) QQ - Vanguard Youth (Skrot Up) DJ Speedsick - (All Releases) Armand Hammer - Shrines (Backwoodz Studioz) Lewsberg - In This House (12XU) Ubiquitous Meh! - Fecund With Love (Buried Treasure / Damnsonic) Schulverweis - Suppe (Neoprimitive) La Chasse - Meretrix ∕ Doloris (Donnez-moi du feu) No - Vol. 1 (Faustian Haus) David Nance - Staunch Honey (Trouble In Mind) Hun Bed - Brood I (Het Generiek) Młody Kotek & Niemy Dotyk - New Age Speedball (Enjoy Life) Aurat - Zeher (Etang Brulant) Addict Ameba - Panamor (Black Sweat) Sunset Flips - Between Two Sheds (Altered States) Small Bills (E L U C I D & The Lasso) - Don't Play It Straight (Mello Music Group) Nail Club - Collected Methods (Hot Releases) Maximum Ernst - Time Delay Safe (ever/never) Tim Hicks X The Dirty Church - Bullets (Humble Monarch) Lord Jah-Monte Ogbon - GOD Body & Soul Side B (Self-Released) Red Bennies - Futurist, Nihilist Post-Rock, Cyberpunk, Anti-Humanist Music (Chthonic) Tsap - Flickering Lyghte In Campsite (Altered States) Latex Cop - Privacy Policy (Cadmus Tape) Ka - Descendants of Cain (Iron Works) Violent Quand On Aime - The Movie Star (Simple Music Experience) Flaner Klespoza - Przygody i tajemnice (Nagrania Somnambuliczne) Budokan Boys - So Broken Up About You Dying (ever/never) Datblygu - Cwm Gwagle (Ankstmusik) Pays P. - Pays P. (Gravity Music) Somaticae - Amesys (In Paradisum) Kipp Stone - Homme (Self-Released) Sada Baby - Bartier Bounty 2 Tribalism3 - April on Mars (Collectif Coax) Men With Secrets - Psycho Romance and Other Spooky Ballads (The Bunker) Brainbeau - Infinite Ways (Good Samaritron) Landowner - Consultant (Born Yesterday) Jay & Yuta - Condemned Compilations (Research) Machine Woman - Dj Dolfin Snare 808 Machine (Take Away Jazz) Slowburn - Folketro (momeatdadrecords) Twinkle³ - Minor Planets (Marionette) Unglee Izi - notice & initiation au monde alterné T.1 (Lost Dogs Entertainment) Sick Urge - Structures of Domination (Puukotus-Levyt) German Army - Pulling at Principles (Flophouse) NAPPYNAPPA - IFEELJUSTLYKTHEIRART (Bad Taste) Social Stomach + Body Shame - Split (Bento) Pacific Yew - Squeeze Demo (Hot Record Societe) Isabella - Magnetica (Ehse) Trrma´ & Charlemagne Palestine - Sssseegmmeentss Frrooom Baaari (Jazz Engine) Astute Palate - Astute Palate (Petty Bunco / Eternal Soundcheck) Axel Larsen - Les Éléments Du Crime (Macadam Mambo) Post Spiderhole Ensemble - False Alarms and Excess Baggage (Kitchen Leg) Cash Kidd - No Socks Senyawa & Stephen O'Malley - Bima Sakti (iDEAL Recordings) Henny L.O. - Sages (Mutant Academy) True Sons Of Thunder - It Was Then That (Total Punk) Tim Gick - Não Há Laranja ∕ Scrying Glass Eye (Working Man Lay Down) Junk Magic - Compass Confusion (Pyroclastic Records) Person of Interest - All Tomorrows Parties (Exotic Dance) Pumice - Table (Soft Abuse) Max Nordile - Building A Better Void (Gilgongo) Mrs. Dink + Magnum Opus - Mrs. Dink / / Magnum Opus (Soil) Swamp Harbour (Stinkin Slumrok, Bisk, & Sam Zircon) - Swamp Harbour (Blah) Camden Malik - Understand Me (10k) Heckadecimal - Critters (Kajunga) Geld - Beyond The Floor (Iron Lung) Drakeo the Ruler & JoogSzn - Thank You For Using GTL Senketsu No Night Club - 沈丁花 (Signora Ward) Jef Mertens - NO AMP (291) Tomaga ‎– Extended Play 2 (Self-Released) [R.I.P. Tom Relleen] Boldy James & The Alchemist - The Price Of Tea In China Shoreline Mafia - Mafia Bidness pisse - LP (Phantom / Harbinger Sound) Reymour ‎– Sarabande A Deux (CAF?) Goldblum - Goldblum (Het Generiek) Phil Struck - Schleswig-Holstein Aufnahmen (Séance Centre) Maths Balance Volumes - A Year Closer (Penultimate Press) Body Double - Milk Fed (Zum Audio) Low Flung - Oil in the Mangroves (Bedroom Suck) Chris Crack - White People Love Algorithms (New Deal Collectives) Krypton 81 - Tranquility Base EP (Dalmata Daniel) Akai Solo - Ride Alone, Fly Together (Break All Records) Gad Whip - Fanimal Arms (Gad Whip Recordings) Tygapaw - Get Free (NAAFI) Pamela_ and her sons - Pink Room (Self-Released) Etceteral - Ama-Gi (Kapa Records) Ghostie - Self Hate Wraith (Self-Released) Young Nudy - Anyways DrxQuinnx & Chase Baby - God Gooch & Blue Jesus EP (Bit Tape) Museum Of No Art - Museum of No Art (Séance Centre) Terrible Signal - The Window (Heart of the Rat) Bambi OFS - Yakka (B.F.E Records / Subsist) Zarabatana - Cum Raio (tsss tapes) Soberin Exx - Normal Islands (Liquid Library) Sylvain Darrifourcq, Manuel Hermia, Valentin Ceccaldi - Kaiju Eats Cheeseburgers (Full Rhizome / Hector) Günter Schlienz + Jeans Beast - Split (Econore) Hasufel - Lamentations of the Foul High Priest (So Called Hell) Delphine Dora - L’Inattingible (Three:four / Meakusma) Suburban Cracked Collective - Swimming Amongst The Dregs (A Colourful Storm) Military Genius - Deep Web (Unheard Of Hope) Mesa Of The Lost Women - Les Tables Noires (Specific) Ferocious (Bill Direen, Mark Williams, & Johannes Contag) - Ferocious (Rattle) Domestiques - Vol. 1 (Glass Modern) gogoj a.k.a Sheng Jie - oviparity (Maybe Noise / WV Sorcerer Productions) Midnight Mines - Live From The Mystery Plane (Independent Woman) Muro - Pacificar (Beach Impediment) Satan - Toutes Ces Horreurs (Jungle Khôl / Throatruiner) Scarlatine - Mimosa (Le Syndicat Des Scorpions) Vanligt Folk - Allt E'nte (Kess Kill) VOLE - Dej Bůh Pěstí (Stoned To Death) Upsidedown Flames - Creeps At Shows EP (Fuck Yoga) Zurich Cloud Motors - Do More Than Deconstruct-o (Zazen Tapes)

Buncha other records

Sweeping Promises record wasn't that good though. But if you guys like it when people take singing seriously, you should check out some of this music called "R&B"

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daikonchild · 3 years

Text

word count: 10k

time taken: 4 days

notes: i don’t think this turned out the way i wanted it to, it’s way too fast paced, i probably will end up rewriting this in all honesty. but here you go! this is only part one, ill link part 2 when i post it! credit to @ikarus.txt on Instagram for ren!

characters: ocs only

cw/tw: religious mentions, demons, implied nsfw in one part

———————————

Ren... Didn’t know what to do. He was sitting in someone’s house, a very pretty house, but still. A stranger’s house. He had been knocked out, and now he woke up here, a cloth on his head, his horns bandaged up, same with his tail and wings. And it felt nice but.

“...Where the flying fuck am I?” He glanced around, it was a very regal house.

Portraits hung cleanly, the occasional butler or maid would pass by. The couch was velvet like, and even if Ren was butt naked under the cover, which seemed to be leopard print, he felt comfortable. The soft noses of cats came by sometimes, Ren enjoying it a bit.

On the other hand, the yelling children and other people following them around was annoying as all hell. Maybe it was his perked demon senses due to the ears, maybe not, but he hated it.

To add on, they were all humans. Disgusting mortals who were only good for sex, being bred, food, murder, and souls. Nothing else about them was useful to Ren. He didn’t even want to be in the mortal realm, he was only here to collect the souls of the unholy, bring them to his lord Rei, then go to another realm. He only had three decades, and that was a small portion of time for him.

“Hmph...” Maybe the shelter was good, but still. That was it. He wouldn’t find anything interesting.

...Oh who was he kidding, the shelter was amazing. There were butlers for crying out loud, and a lot of loud children, meaning there had to be some milf or dilf in the hous-

“Hello?” The soft voice of a male. Almost soothing. Ren groaned, turning away from the noise.

“Shuddup...”

“Ah fuck. An annoying one.” A snap later, and a few people were surrounding him.

“Fuck off satan...” He felt someone flip him over, him blinking. He didn’t like it, at all.

“Ah... There. You four can leave.” Ren was now looking at a pretty male. Someone who he could only describe as prince like. He was surprisingly... He didn’t give off the same aura as other mortals. Ren didn’t like him, but instead of a harmful, rude, dark aura, it was soft, mellow, soft aura. It made Ren relax for a little while. But not enough to listen to him

“Hey! What the fuc-Ow ow ow-“ Ren whined at the feeling of the man pulling him up. It hurt, a lot. “Wh-Where am I? And stop touching me you disgusting mortal-“

The human blinked, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “You demons are such dumbasses.”

“Hey how do you know I’m a demon-“

“You’re in my house you dumbass, I found you looking like shit on the side of the road and you needed somewhere. God you are so stupid. Sit still.” Ren tensed up, feeling the boy’s hand on his face, patching up a open wound. He seemed talented with his motions, knowing how to clean the wound and patch it up.

Ren wasn’t a very safe person, usually leaving wounds open and unattended to, but the man seemed... Soft. Fragile as well, Ren could definitely best him in anything. Not the mention the dress, Ren would’ve guessed he was a chic if it wasn’t for his voice.

His lacy apron, his dress, he didn’t look half bad for a human. Like a small living cottagecore aesthetic. Ren could still chuck him out a window.

A shelter as well. This is what he needed. He was going to just kill someone for their house, but that had so many fucking risks, but this place seemed nice. It seemed almost perfect, along with free food and much more.

“Done. You demons are such fucking idiots.” Ren groaned at his insults, being a bit offended. “Now lay down.”

“Nope.”

“I said lay down.” He glared, Ren shaking his head cockily. “What do you want in return you nasty demon?”

“...” Ren tapped his chin, eyeing the smaller up and down. “Hm~... A human like you can-“

“Guards! Pull hi-“

“No no! I have something!”

“What? If you think of a good deal, then I’ll need something in return. Something worth my time...” He slowly got up. Ren blinked, listening to the smaller. He seemed more businesslike then Ren had thought.

“Elaborate?”

“I don’t know, that’s up to you. Plus, I need something of value from you.” The human glanced down at the demon, coldness in his eyes. “I don’t know, think about it yourself. You’re the demon. Shouldn’t you be good at making deals?”

“Wait wait, you-“

“You’re a demon, I could care less, I don’t give a fuck, whatever people say. Just stay here until you think of a proper deal. Something that you want and something I want.”

“Do... Do I have to make a deal?”

“No, but it seems like a demon as foolish as you would make one. Plus, I need some reason to care for who you are.” Ren regretted thinking he was nice. “Now, do you have any proposals? I’m waiting.”

“Shit... If...” Ren groaned. “...If you make a contract with me, then I’ll behave and help you clean around the house.”

“Hm.” He stared down at the demon, seeing it try and look confident, “What do I get out of a contract with you?”

“Free sex, order, knowing where I am, a cool tattoo, along with a way to contact me if I were to go missing. And I can’t take your soul like this.” Ren assumed the feminine male would know this. He didn’t know why he was making a contract with him.

He needed somewhere to stay, and even if he were to go anywhere else, he could win a fight, but that would make him distracted, he’d have to do something unnecessary, and that could also be someone else’s victim. So he didn’t want that.

Plus the human seemed good enough. He was a little bitch from what he had seen so far, and Ren wanted to kill him a bit, but at the same time, everyone here seemed so happy. And if he was the head of the house, he could seduce him, then take his house after killing him. He didn’t have the proper aura of an unholy soul, and that was rare to come by, so he would have a good reason...

Ren saw the small boy contemplate it, staring down at the ground, his mind wondering around.

“...I suppose. But doesn’t a contract mean-“

“I’m also allowed to order you around. You’ll be like... A pet! An annoying little bitchy pet, but a pet.”

“I’m not... W-Whatever, what do you need me to sign.” A puff of smoke, and a clipboard and pen was in his lap. And of course he was reading it.

Ren groaned, leaning against the couch. Well it didn’t elaborate the kind of demon Ren was, so he wasn’t too worried.

He was an incubus, like a sex god, but a lot more tame. The main reason he wanted Seruni to make a contract with him? It’s good to have a human shield just in case you need to be careful. Especially a human shield that looks as fine as that...

He chuckled softly, looking down at contract signing male. Soon, a flick of the wrist, and it was returned to him. Ren quickly read the name.

“Seruni... Dakion? Is that a fucking fake last name?” Ren raised an eyebrow.

“Bit-Why the fuck would I lie about my last name?” Seruni crossed his arms, still glaring at Ren. He was hardly intimidating, but he was trying.

“Fine.” Ren signed himself, and it proved him wrong. A small stinging feeling came from his back, glancing over at Seruni, who was clearly feeling the same. He looked around quickly, one eye shut. No one. Good. There wasn’t a reason, he just felt it would be better with that.

“Ouch ouch...” Seruni sighed from relief when it stopped, gently grasping his back. “What was that?”

“The ritual symbol, did you not know about that?”

“No... Suppose not.” Ren nodded, gently grasping the boy’s face. “Hey wha-Mm!” A soft kiss between them, Ren shutting his eyes to enjoy it.

“Mm~...” Ren giggled into the kiss, before cutting it off swiftly with his thumb, just as Seruni was about to melt into the feeling. “Good Daikon pet!”

“I’m not a pe-Fuck!” And Ren had disappeared in his grasp, the cover falling onto the couch without a sight. “Stupid fucking demon...” He tried to ignore the bright red stuck on his face due to the kiss, covering it with his arm.

Seruni slouched down onto his couch, not knowing what better to do. But of course, was instantly brought of it by a little child.

“Is everything alright sir..?” The girl grinned brightly at the house husband, him smiling softly.

“Of course, go back to doing what you were doing, unless you need to-Oh-Yeah go ahead.” She opened her book, flipping to a random page and started to ramble happily about her story.

Seruni would’ve stopped her, but just sighed softly, patting her head and allowing her to go on. Maybe it wouldn’t be as tough with the kids around him.

---

Ren quietly sighed, sitting on top of the roof. He had officially been in this hell hole of a house for three weeks. Each day it was some new kid yelling out in joy, clinging to his arm, only being stopped by Seruni.

It was good food though, he hadn’t really gotten used to someone caring for him. It was new, it was like the family he never had. Something eventful. They would constantly listen to Seruni, who took great care of them. Ren didn’t really see any of them as special, besides maybe Seruni.

It was so peaceful out. Maybe it was because there weren’t any mortals on his doorstep bothering him, maybe not. Either way, the view over the pond was beautiful, the moon lighting up the sky, the soft noises of fireflies and-

“Hey.”

“Fuck!” Ren flinched, looking behind him. “Oh. You.” Seruni sighed, sitting next to him.

Ren stared at the pond. He needed to flirt with him, try and seduce him and get into bed with him. No one would have him as a victim due to his holy aura. He could just kill him and then that would get rid of him.

Seruni laid back against the roof, Ren staring at him. Not a dress, but still feminine clothing. White suspenders with a lacy undershirt, something Ren would only see in those cheesy romantic comedies. He... Didn’t look too bad for a human.

Ren had to admit, he was an attractive human. He had the looks, the personality from what he could see. He had an overall calming demeanor. Most likely good in bed, but most definitely submissive and nervous.

“So... Why is something as beautiful as you awake at this time?” Ren winked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Because I’m trying to read. But a certain demon is being an annoying bitch and won’t let me.” Ow, that hurt. Seruni opened his book, placing it on his lap, the demon glaring at him. He was going to be hard to get with.

“Mm...” Ren kept his eyes on the human, watching him flip through the pages. His calming demeanor, his soft face... It was easy to like, he hadn’t seen an attractive human in forever. “So~, are you single?”

“A-Are you flirting with me?” Seruni glanced over at him.

“Well who wouldn’t?” His trashy and corny flirting seemed to work on Seruni, his face heating up. He was even more cute when he was nervous. A cold harsh business heir who’s embarrassed easily and becomes a nervous wreck... That didn’t sound too bad.

“O-Oh shut up...” Seruni turned away, trying to ignore the man’s affection attitude. Ren didn’t give up though, his hands grasping Seruni’s waist and thigh.

“Woah... Are all humans this...” He jokingly squished his thigh, before getting a slam of a book to the face. “Fuck!”

“I-Oh my god I’m so sorry, wait...” Seruni didn’t pack a punch in it of himself, but that book was thick and heavy, it would definitely leave some bruising. The demon pulled away, trying to get away from him. He wasn’t a holy aura, he was a horrid-

“Mm-“ Ren felt an ice pack hit his face, whining softly at the feeling. “I-It’s so cold...”

“Hey... Just relax. I’m sorry... Just breath.” The demon wanted to pull away, but he didn’t, relaxing slightly. He didn’t think a human could care this much. Sure, Seruni had patched him up before, but he didn’t see it, so it could’ve been anyone. And the scar on his face wasn’t that bad, but...

Owning up to his own faults and doing this? It felt sincere... Unlike any other human he had seen. Everyone else would hurt him even more, or yell and order him around. Seruni was so gentle, his movements were... Soothing.

“...O-Okay...” Ren trusted him, he felt a bit more calm, leaning into his ice pack. Seruni let out a soft sigh, holding the ice pack there.

“Here... Let me make this more comfortable, a-and do-don’t tell a-anyone e-else or I’ll kick you out...” He didn’t have the guts to, but still.

Seruni sat up, pulling Ren’s head down into his lap, the softness of his thighs gently pressing against Ren’s head. The other hand moved the ice pack beside Ren’s cheek. Ren tensed up, he doubted this. He had never been treated like this. With sincere care.

“You’re... You’re messing with me aren’t you?” He shivered in fear, scared of what Seruni was going to do. Sure, he could beat Seruni up, but this was new, he hadn’t ever had this much affection.

“I’m not. I’m trying to ease your mind. Shush. You’re such a dumb demon...” Ren wanted this to last forever... He never got this, he barely knew what was happening, but it made him feel warm inside. Seruni’s thigh warmth, along with the ice pack.

“It’s... Woah.” The demon blinked, “You’re so nice...”

“I-No I’m not! I-I’m... I-I’m not nice...” Seruni looked away, still being as tsundere as ever.

“Oh c’mon! I’ve never gotten a mortal who would risk their night for a demon~. Plus you don’t look hideous!”

“I-... Is that a compliment..? W-Whatever, I’m not n-nice...” Seruni, even during this small little debate, wouldn’t let Ren move around.

“I guess~... But you’re quite special for a human...” Ren stared at the water, enjoying the comfortability.

“Hmph... On that note, you need to sleep.”

“Oh c’mon... No I don’t.”

“Yes, yes you fucking do.” Seruni retorted, his tone colder then before.

“Ugh... I’m not moving from here though.”

“You... Y-You want to sleep on my thighs, d-dumbass?”

“Well I was thinking just sleeping with you, but that works too.”

“Se-“

“Yes, sexually. But if you’re going to be weak and not-H-What are you doing?” Seruni retracted his thighs, picking up Ren’s head.

“Demon, lay flat.”

“Wow. We made a contract and you still don’t know the spell to order me around? What a weakling.” Ren chuckled, shifting around to lay flat, arms behind his head. But this teasing attitude soon changed, Seruni laying on top of Ren, face on his chest. “O-Oh.”

Ren was flustered now, not having experienced this. Usually after doing the deed, he just kinda left, there wasn’t any point in anything after that. And sure, this wasn’t sex, but it was cuddling, and Ren hadn’t ever...

“Shuddup y-you ugly d-demon...” Seruni nuzzled his neck, now really portraying his nickname of a pet.

“Are...” Ren’s heartbeat was a lot faster, him trying to find a way to slow it down, but he wasn’t able to. “Fuck-Uhm, a-are you comfortable?”

“...Y-Yeah...” Seruni’s hands wrapped around Ren’s upper back. And the incubus was panicking, not knowing what to do.

“I-Oh...” He, being more of a sexual person, moved his hand to Seruni’s ass, the other in his hair. Seruni shifted around, but just let the demon, not having the balls to speak up.

Both of them were having a gay panic attack, bright red, and nervous. Ren’s tail moved around Seruni’s back. Soon, even Ren’s wings lazily wrapped around Seruni.

“Does... Is that-I-Is that more warm?” He gently scratched Seruni’s head, Seruni still in his neck.

“I-Y-Yeah...” Both of them went quiet after that, Seruni and Ren way too embarrassed to speak up. Neither of them had ever cuddled before, well, Seruni had a lot, but he had never cuddled with a demon. It was foreign to him. At the same time, Seruni enjoyed it. It mad him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Seruni soon fell asleep, the noise of Ren’s heartbeat easing his mind. It had always calmed him, and even if his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest, Seruni didn’t care.

Ren was trying to sleep, but with his heart racing. He usually only had sex, making them satisfied by that, but this was... So much better, so much softer.

Ren couldn’t even stop staring, how peaceful Seruni looked, how he breathed softly, chest falling and rising against his own. Like a small little cat, or like a prince. How did a human act like such a cold hearted bitch, but then they looked like this, and treated him with care...

This... This mortal was different to Ren. Something worth protecting and cherishing. Ren didn’t understand the emotion, how it felt like his heart was pounding against his chest over and over again. How he wanted Seruni to cuddle him more. How he thought Seruni would make the perfect person to make a contract with.

“...I’d have to ask Rei.” He softly groaned, the missions and tasks he had been assigned completely washing away in his mind, instead filled with a certain little house husband who was undeniably the most adorable mortal Ren had seen in ever.

---

The soft noise of the fire filled the room, Ren half asleep on Seruni’s chest. It had become a habit for these two to cuddle like this after that incident. Sure, they grew close alarmingly fast, but Ren really wanted to learn about human affection, and Seruni had obliged.

“Ah~... No, no horns. Hands back to my horns.” Seruni scratched right where his horns connected to his head, the demon smiling like a dork. “Fuck~... It feels so nice...” Ren loved being the center attention, especially when it came to this mortal in particular.

“Nasty demon, may I ask something?”

“I have a name but go on beautiful~...” Ren was really dazed, so soft from being treated like a little puppy, borderline being a golden retriever boy.

“Why do you seem... So starved for attention?”

“Hm... Oh...” Ren looked a bit sadder, before opening his eyes. “I’ve... I’ve never gotten any affection besides sex. Maybe a bit of flirting, but that’s... That’s it. I-I don’t mean to over spill but...” Seruni stopped scratching when he lowered his tone, having a feeling something was up.

“M-My mom... She left me at young age... Maybe 100 years into my life? M-My dad was just abusive... I’ve... I’ve never been in a committed relationship either. Well, I’ve always wanted to be in one, but ya know... Never happened.” Ren sniffled, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. “A-And... D-Demons are cruel, a-and none of them g-give me the littlest bit of a-attention...”

Seruni’s gaze softened, Ren starting to cry. He grasped the taller’s face, wiping his tears away. Ren rubbed against his hand, acting like a little kitty.

“A-And for a mortal, s-something a-as disgusting a-as you, t-to give m-me what I-I n-need...” Ren whined, trying to not bother. He loved how Seruni treated him, he wanted more of his attention, for him to constantly give him affection and attention and praise...

“Demon.” Ren blinked, teary eyed as Seruni wiped his tears. “Rest in my neck for a second... We can get hot chocolate and watch a horror movie, you don’t have to move from my chest, I-I can give attention to whatever demon part makes you feel happy to be scratched by, a-and... W-We c-can do that i-if it eases your mind... B-But don’t be w-weird a-and t-tell the others d-dumbass...

Ren blinked, before grinning brightly, huddling against Seruni. “Yes, yeah of course! I’d love to!”

“Glad...” Seruni tried to move his arm away, the demon instantly grabbing it. “H-Hey? I-I need...”

“Horns and tail.” The house husband sighed, his hand moving down towards his tail, rubbing it a bit, before scratching where it connected to Ren’s lower back, he did the same with his horns. “Oh satan that feels nice...” He grinned, his face in his nape.

“I’ll... I’ll call the staff.”

And a few moments later, Seruni had kept his promise. The pair were huddle up with a blanket around them, Seruni’s hands now on his wings and massaging them, Saw 1 on the TV, Ren passionately watching seeing as he hadn’t seen it before,

“C’mon... You can do it woman! You can get it off your head!” Ren cheered, having only enjoyed her character so far. Plus she was pretty. Not to mention that Ren whole heartedly believed movies actually portrayed real things, thinking that she was actually in trouble. Seruni didn’t dare correct him. “Yes! You can do it girl!”

Seruni snickered, enjoying the other’s passion, his pure joy and happiness filling the room. The demon grabbed his cup of hot chocolate, holding it, Seruni only able to describe it like he was L from Death Note, and drank some.

“Yes! Don’t kill her possessed doll! Y-Oh wait that, mm~...” He softly groaned, Seruni scratching it in a particular way, distracting from whatever was going on in the movie. It wasn’t in a weird way, but he was an incubus, of course he made weird, a bit sexual, noises whenever he felt happy. “So nice... Thank you Daikon pet...”

The human sighed. “Y-You’re such a dumb demon...”

“Yeah but you love me~...” Ren teased, hearing Seruni’s heartbeat speed up a bit.

“N-No... No I-I don’t...” Seruni looked away, still acting all tsundere as usual. Ren giggled, before grasping his chin, leaning in close to Seruni’s lips, their eyes meeting.

“Mm~...” His finger traced over the softness of the house husband’s lips, Seruni already trembling to his touch. And without hesitation...

He leaned in, watching Seruni close his eyes, trying to compute what was going on, but at the same time he was completely okay with it. Ren giggled, their lips touching slightly, before...

A loud slurp noise, Ren’s tongue licking Seruni’s lips. Due to him being a demon, his tongue was a lot longer then usual, probably going down to his neck.

“Wh-Hey!” Seruni was bright red, but then there was demon spit on his face, Ren snickering softly. “I-It isn’t-Mm!”

Ren actually kissed him this time, easing into the kiss, making Seruni even more flustered. Still, he leaned into it, not moving his hands, but being a lot more gentle with scratching. Just soft kissing, Seruni enjoying the attention.

Ren pulled away, glancing at his lips. “I... Woah. Mortals usually don’t have this good of lips...” He toyed with his with his thumbs, staring dazedly at them. He had to admit, they were almost perfect.

“S-Shut...” Seruni didn’t want to finish, feeling Ren pull him into another kiss, their lips connecting, making Seruni space out. He couldn’t deny how perfect this guy’s lips were.

Soon, Ren leaned in again, surprisingly not horny or sexual about it. He just thought Seruni had a nice pair of lips on him, pulling him even closer, hoping no one would walk in. The hands through his hair, making sure he was focusing on him and him only, nothing else.

Ren was probably getting addicted to kisses from Seruni, even if they only had kissed a few times. His lips felt so soft, like plush. Something that Ren absolutely adored.

“Fuck...” Seruni pulled away, the incubus a bit distracted by all the tension between them. He just watched, Seruni slowly regaining his breath. “Ah... F-Fucking... St-Stupid demon!”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to be kissed Daikon~?” Ren winked, Seruni quickly turning his head to glare at the winking boy. “Okay okay, I’m sorry my little pet.”

“S-Stop i-it... I-I’m not a p-pet...” He whined, his hands slowly going back to scratching.

“Human pet~, signed under a contract~. What will I do with you? I’ll just... Make you feel like the little prince you are.” He kept teasing him, trying to see how embarrassed Seruni could get.

“I-I’m not a-a p-pet o-or a pr-prince...” Ren giggled, his hands moving down south, grabbing Seruni’s ass. “H-Hey!”

“Oh nothing~... Just giving these attention~...” Another quick wink, he was back to groping his ass, Seruni bright red as usual. “You can ignore me Daikon~...”

Weakly, Seruni’s hand grabbed Ren’s horns, scratching where his horns and head met, the other moving down to his tail and massaging there. Ren lazily giggled, his face resting in the crook of Seruni’s neck.

“What a cute little human~... Alright~, continue.”

---

“Ooo~...” Ren watched quietly, seeing Seruni busy flipping pancakes. “Morning mortal!”

They had become fairly close after that previous cuddling session. Seruni wanted Ren to be open with him, and hearing him openly talk about his feeling made Seruni a bit happier. He wanted to make sure Ren was happy, reassure him in anyway possible.

“Morning twink.” Seruni yawned, staring at what he was making intently. Ren simply watched, not really caring. He just stood next to him as he cooked breakfast.

“That looks good~... Almost as good as your ass.” Ren winked, before getting shin kicked. Really hard. Not with any mercy. “Ow! Fuck!”

“Y-You fu-fucking perverted d-demon...”

“It’s not my fault you have a good ass.” Ren yawned, acting it off as he wrapped his arms around Seruni, his hands grabbing Seruni’s thighs. “These, belong to mwah~.” Ren chuckled, his hands playing with the squishiness.

“Y-You’re...” Seruni let out a groan. “F-Fucking si-simp...”

“Mhm~...” Ren stayed behind Seruni, doing his normal demon simp things, absolutely worshipping the house husband’s thighs with his hands.

Seruni shakily sighed, continuing to make breakfast, the demon a bit clingy but overall not too concerning. It was just a classic warmth session, nothing too weird.

Soft noises of the pancake hitting the pan then the plate, Seruni having to cook for around 40 people. Ren didn’t even know how Seruni’s house could hold that many people, but it seemed to. And everyone absolutely adored his food, that included Ren.

“Y-You can... Y-You can let go.” Ren heard Seruni mumble, his voice soft, face bright red, trying to play off his nervousness.

“What? Does it make you embarrassed?”

“No-No... I-It’s just t-that we aren’t d-dating? And ya know, w-we’re just friends.” Ren rolled his eyes, only clinging onto him harder. Seruni didn’t seem to mind, but part of what Seruni had said, it just started to gnaw at him.

That they aren’t dating. I mean, Ren knew that, they had only known each other for around 4 months, but Ren had already grown attached to Seruni. He was so kind, and he didn’t seem to mind that Ren was such a dork. An attention hungry little dork. If anything, it seemed like Seruni had found it sweet. Which was the truth. Seruni thought that Ren clinging to him was sweet.

How he looked, how he acted, Ren was a bit way too happy that Seruni existed. He wanted to pick him up sometime, see him flustered but looking down at Ren. Ren just switching it up, kissing him on the lips happily. It made Ren’s heart flutter whenever it happened

...

Was kissing not a common thing between humans? He hadn’t seen any of the humans kiss each other on the lips like him and Seruni did. He had seen people do it before, but most of them were holding hands or had rings on.

“Hey, Daikon. Is... Is kissing a common form of greeting between humans? We did it before, so I assume it’s common...” Ren mumbled the last part, leaning Seruni’s shoulder to look up at him.

“Wh-What? N-No i-it isn’t...” Seruni was trying not to mess up the food, while also focusing on Ren.

“Huh? Then why-“

“Y-You kn-know why stupid!” Seruni looked away, softly kicking Ren’s ankles. Not enough for him to even feel the pain, but maybe a small wince.

“Wh-No I don’t!” Ren blinked, a bit stiffened. “Is it something private?”

“I...I-I suppose...” Seruni was trying to make an excuse of his blatant like to be kissed by the simp, even if it was hard to explain that he had a small crush on the demon. But that was a whole other topic.

Ren sighed, cuddling up against the human’s back, before quietly whispering. “Human~... C’mon~, you don’t want to hide that from me?” And then a loud shriek. And it wasn’t from Seruni. “Fuck!”

“Y-You dumb... D-Dumb fucking de-demon...” Seruni was trying to cool his face, trying to ease his heart, but it was pretty hard to when he had no way to get out of being asked why he wanted to be kissed by Ren and Ren exclusively. Especially when Ren was using a raspy voice to see if he could be sexual and get it out of him.

“Hmph. Whatever.” The demon pouted, trying to play being kicked off, tightening his grasp around Seruni. The feminine male just remained silent, having a small urge to shin kick him again.

The silence remained like that for a few seconds, Seruni setting down the pan for a few seconds. Ren watched, lowkey having an idea of what to do to set Seruni off even more.

Ren grabbed Seruni’s shoulder, spinning him around, before pulling him to the side of the counter, making sure he wouldn’t burn himself on the stove, before grabbing his collar, the other arm on the counter holding Seruni in place, kissing him. Almost instantly he could hear the house husband’s panic, nearly being able to hear the guy’s heart beat.

Still, he quickly melted into the kiss, lips colliding, matching together like two puzzle pieces. His arms wrapped around Ren’s neck, pulling him a bit deeper. Neither of them cared if someone walked in, if this was gay, or anything. They just wanted to be there and kiss until they felt hazy minded, having to pull away, trying to regain their train of thought, before tossing that out the window again, kissing more.

Seruni pulled away, taking deep breaths. “F-Fuck...” Ren panted as well, even if he didn’t need to. Heart racing was an understatement.

Ren traced his thumb over Seruni’s lips, the human still trying to regain his breath. Seruni stayed a panting mess for a few seconds, before softly nodding, Ren instantly taking his chance and tugging him close and kissing him. He chose not to pin him this time, just tugging at his hair so he could make the kiss deeper, his other hand on Seruni’s lower back.

What was this? Ren’s chest felt like it was about to explode, that it was going to burst out of his chest, like something was just drumming on it over and over again. He didn’t hate it, it felt amazing, and it was caused by Seruni.

It didn’t feel like lust, even if that was a factor. It felt so much more... Warm, happy? It felt like his mind was blank with Seruni’s kisses, hugs, his care, everything, it made him a bit dazed.

Ren tried to think, but he couldn’t, feeling Seruni pulling him a bit harder. It was the only thing he could think of. Ren could multitask usually, but this made it so much different.

A loud door slam, Seruni instantly pulling away, pushing Ren off, landing against the counter. It was all so sudden to Ren, making him tremble a bit. It was another human, a more disgusting one. Well, all mortals were disgusting, maybe minus Seruni. But his mortalness did make Ren a bit ticked off.

The other human didn’t seem to care what was going on, simply walking to what Seruni called a fridge, pulling out a can of something orange with a fruit on the cover. They chugged it down, taking a quick sigh of relief after they finished it, before casually tossing it in the trash.

“See ya.” It was so fast, neither Ren or Seruni were near each other, Ren letting out a sigh of relief.

“Fuck...” Ren walked closer, arms wrapping around Seruni, a wink towards him. “May I, Daikon?”

Something seemed off, Seruni going quiet, Ren a bit put off. Something was on Seruni’s mind.

“You’re... You’re a demon, why am I even fucking...” Seruni dropped down, getting out from in his arms. “No-No no... You’re a demon, I’m not supposed to be with you.”

“Huh-What?” Ren blinked, staring hardly at the smaller. “We legit just fucking made ou-“

“No, Ren, I don’t think you fucking understand... I know you mean no harm, but I have a high profile family, and if I’m caught with someone like you, a demon? I’m fucking dead.” Seruni grasped the counter, pinching his nose slightly.

“I-Oh.” Ren grasped his arm. “Is your family... Is your family really that important to you?”

“Yes, what the fuck do you think?” Seruni slightly raised his voice, but his mood instantly changed, realizing he had just snapped at Ren. “Wait-Fuck I’m sorry, it’s... It’s my fault, I need to go... I’ll call someone else in.” Ren tried to grab Seruni’s hand, only for the smaller to jerk it away.

And there he was left, alone.

---

Ren... Didn’t know what he was feeling. Pissed, mad, enraged, Iike there was a pit in his stomach due to this. But even with that, he was trying to solve the feeling he was feeling about Seruni. It felt nice, but he didn’t understand it. Whenever Seruni was around, he felt a bit light headed, like Seruni was causing it. He didn’t think Seruni was a warlock or something of the sort, he was a mortal, but it was like some spell had been put on him, causing him to swoon.

Kissing him was replaying like a movie in his mind, like it was something that would never stop. The fight after was still in his mind, but at the same time, Seruni’s kiss was so fucking nice, and everything bad washed out of his mind due to it.

“Fuck~...” He suffocated his face in the pillow, trying to distract himself in some way. He ignored the wetness on his face from previously crying, seeing as they had only fought a few hours ago. He felt so light headed, almost like he could fly-Never mind, he could fly. Well, that he could fly without wings.

Ren grabbed the phone like device, dialing some random digits, picking it up to call his boss. Rei Mitsuru, she was honestly a scary women, and he was not ready to talk with her.

“...Hello?” Her voice came through the phone, Ren’s posture almost immediately tensing up. The merciless women already sounded tired of him. It was at this moment he chose not to bring up the fight, knowing she would probably be mad that he had already gotten into a fight with a non-victim.

“Yeah, it’s Ren...” He nervously spoke, his entire demeanor filled with fear.

“Akisuta? Oh. Hmph.” Rei sighed, already speaking. “Tell me, what are your intentions? If it’s not worth my time I expect an apology.” Yeah, he knew why. She was definitely stepping on someone based on the gagging in the background.

“I know this is a really odd question, but you know love? Like, the feeling that you feel when you... I don’t know, I’ve never felt it. Which-“

“Cliche. And are you asking what love means?” Rei chuckled. “What? Did you fall in love with a fucking whoreish mortal?”

“He’s not a whore!” Ren blinked, realizing what he had just said. Love, Seruni? Well, he thought he loved Seruni, I mean, it was perfectly plausible. I mean, he did look nice, he seemed overall... Nice enough. Plus Ren could force him to cuddle without getting into too much trouble.

“You... You fell in love with a human?” Rei seemed more cold, and the gagging had even stopped. He heard a lot crack and yelp in the background, following by the clacking of her heels. “Oh my god, you disgusting, foolish, nasty, ugly demon. You stupid idiot, what is your problem?”

“I-I don’t... I don’t know... He just... He’s just there, and... I kinda... I’ve never felt more happy around someone. He treats me normally, and...” Ren shivered quietly. “I like cuddling with him by the fire as he plays with my tail and wings, watching a horror thing, then talking while we do so, occasionally our lips meeting as we talk, enjoying the attention. It feels right! But, the thought of fighting with him,” He tried to be round about mentioning the fight, “it hurts, I don’t want to fight with him, he makes me so happy... And I love it, not the fighting, just his presence, and I don’t know for sure, but I think I might be in love with him? That isn’t weird right?”

The clacking of shoes stopped, followed by a sigh. “Tell me, what do you feel when you’re around him? Bliss? Joy? Does it feel like he’s causing this?”

“Oh! Well he’s super handsome and cute, he’s good with kids, he’s the owner of this household. He has a purer and more calming aura then an unholy aura, and it seems like he wouldn’t be a victim for anyone.”

“His name?”

“Seruni Daikon.”

“...We have a Seruni Dakion?”

“Oh, uhm, him! Yeah! Sorry, his name sounds so much cuter with Daikon, right?” Ren snickered, listening to Rei type.

“...He seems clean. An assistant to a lot of murders, but, you know.” Rei sighed, looking at her reports on the man.

“Woah... You think he’d commit arson with me?” Ren kicked his feet back and forth behind him, smiling at the thought of Seruni and him committing crimes together.

“No, looks like he has a stick up his ass, but... He seems pleasant, I like him.” She was clearly going through his record, smirking softly at what she was seeing. It was quite pleasant for Ren to pick a half decent man. “A house husband, would be a good partner. Not to mention feminine, he doesn’t seem bad.”

“Mhm~... Soft thighs, soft cuddler, amazing food, the best lips I’ve ever kissed, they’re addicting, and imagining him as mine would be so fucking amazing, it’s one of the best thoughts I can think of right now...”

“So... Are you in love with him?”

“I... I think I am.” Ren sighed with a dumb founded smile on his face. “I love Seruni... That seems right, I like that.”

“Does he seem to like you back?”

“No idea.”

“Okay, what about interactions you have had?”

“Ooh~, he cuddled with me on the couch after I had an emotional breakdown, his hands were just scratching at all the right spots, not sexually. Not to mention the kisses, how amazing his lips felt against mine, his embarrassment is so fucking sweet. He’s good with kids, even if I want to kill a child.” Ren explained, trying to fit all his thoughts on Seruni into one thought. It was hard. “Also his thighs, they’re like little pillows, I need to see them-“

“Nothing sexual, I will block you and boot your ass back into the demon realm.”

“Alright alright, Satan.” The incubus rolled his eyes, a bit too dazed to form a sentence without rambling about his small little tsundere crush. “I like it. I really like being in love with him.”

“Is that so?”

“Duh. I mean, he might not like me back, a-and that hurts, but, if he does, imagine all the little dates we could go on, cuddling on his bed, how we could just talk for hours, really anything. We would be partners in crime.” A shaky sigh left his lips. “That isn’t weird right?”

“No, you’re just a whore.” Ren groaned, taking that a bit personally.

“Rude... I just think he’s so...”

“Perfect, yaddity yadda. Whatever. Is there anything else you had to tell me?” Rei tapped her heel out of impatience, almost sensing something was off.

“...Yeah, actually. See uhm... Me and Seruni got into a fight recently. I didn’t mean to set him off or anything, it’s my fault, I kissed him and he realized just with a sudden realization that I was a demon, and that we shouldn’t even be in contact, and I got scared. Do you have any advice to settle this? I’ve never been in a situation like this.” Ren rambled a bit.

“I see... Well one, he’s acting pretty stupid. He shouldn’t be acting that way towards an incubus, stupid mortal.” Ren snickered at that, but it was a lot more sour, nervous. “But I suppose if you just let it happen. Don’t try and solve it with him, he might need time to think. When you have alone time together, then bring it up then, okay?”

Ren quickly shook his head. “Alright, thank you. I really appreciate it ma’am.”

“No problem whore, now I have to get back to stepping on men, this guy took all my panties. I’ll talk later you simp.” And a ring, and she had hung up.

Ren sighed, flipping over. That was that. He was in love, in love with a dumb mortal. He didn’t know how to take it, but at the same time, he really didn’t care, he was happy, knowing what it was. Even if it stun that he was in a conflict with him, he felt like he’d be able to solve it eventually.

“I... I love you Seruni Dakion.”

---

“Ren? Ren why aren’t you asleep?” Seruni walked into Ren’s room, seeing the demon up and just staring at his phone blankly. He looked tired, spaced out, but he didn’t seem to want to sleep. “Hey! Stupid demon!”

(Part 2!)

#artsy crime #oc x oc #gay #nblm #quick one shot

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lilithsgayadoptednephew · 4 years

Text

Holy Hands

Fandoms: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Not Rated Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/M, Other Complete Work

Chapter List

Chapter 33

Though the hospital was a nice respite, getting Rafael to let them stay was an uphill battle.

"We're not equipped to accommodate long term patients, you get here, we fix you, you leave, that's how it works." He snapped irritably at Lucifer as he strode down the hallway.

"But we're not patients, we don't even need accommodations, just a place to hide." He persisted. Rafael chugged the rest of his Snapple and tossed the bottle into the garbage.

"Fine whatever I don't have time," he strode away leaving Lucifer as an afterthought.

The brothers made due, but not without contribution. They were always being pulled away to do something or another. Make this bed, take this to the east wing nurses station. The hospital seemed hopelessly understaffed and any time the opportunity arose the angels had no issues using the visitors for untrained manual labor.

The plans for confronting Michael were coming along, but there was still the problem that threw them in the first place.

"Humans are turning away from sin, we're weakening." Satan spoke solemnly, murmur's of agreement sounded around the waiting room they'd set up camp in.

"I dunno" Acacia chimed in "you guys seem pretty powerful to me, and there's 7 of you." She shrugged.

"Ah you got no idea doll" Mammon stretched his arms up, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back in his chair. "Back in my heyday I had 6,660,000 demons under my command. I was a big deal." He bragged.

"Dang"

"Yeah!" Levi agreed, "I used to boil the oceans and command the tides, I'm a little out of practice now but it was cool back then. Mortals feared me and used to call me 'Hellmouth'" he straightened up proudly.

"Daaaang!"

"That's nothing," Belphie laughed. "I used to visit the humans a lot, and they worshipped me so hard they started getting executed for it. I claimed 24,000 souls without even lifting a finger." He brushed imaginary dirt off his shoulder.

"Ugh stop bragging all of you!" Asmo chirped, looking up from where he was painting his toenails.

"Yeah" Satan agreed. "You guys can't do that anymore. We slacked off for too long and now none of us have worshipers." He grumbled.

"Satan's right, we need influence, we need numbers, and for that we need humans ." Lucifer crossed his arms. The brothers seemed to agree with his statement as they started talking quietly and...not in English.

"Woah, why are we out of the loop all of a sudden?" Acacia looked at MC, they shrugged. Lucifer seemed to notice the humans were still there.

"Well if we told you how we conducted our business then we wouldn't be very demonic now would we." He said simply, before returning to the foreign language conversation...presumably Greek?

Acacia huffed and MC checked their notifications on their DDD.

New text messages...but the brothers were all right there? And so was Acacia? Who could possibly be…?

Diavolo

Come outside

MCs heart almost stopped. They'd forgotten about the Devildom prince. They'd left him and Barbatos to the mercy of Micheal and never looked back.

He was alive? He was outside?

Trying not to look too alarmed, they excused themself from the conversation and made their way to the exit.

0Celestial Realm air was cool and dry and seemed to radiate light from the white vapor that swirled around. Trying to see anything was a doomed endeavor, so they resolved to sit tight and wait until Diavolo found them.

Hand to their earring weapon just in case.

It didn't take long for the Devil to find the human. Humans were potent after all.

"It certainly has been a long time, hasn't it?" The familiar, overly jovial voice was too loud beside them and made them jump. Turning they could make out the large form of the former student council president.

"My Lord" they said curtly. He just gave them a very fake looking smile.

"Oh don't mock me MC. I hope you're happy, you've won after all." He spat, his entire demeanor slipping into something more sinister. More believable.

"I don't know what you–"

"Of course you don't!" He loomed over them. "You weren't even trying! Yet you wormed your way in and took over everything like the parasite you humans are." His voice quieted and he backed off. This was perhaps scarier than the yelling.

MC wished they could tell him they were sorry, that they didn't know what they'd done to upset him and they wanted to make it right. But they did know.

And they weren't sorry.

"I know you think I stole from you." They started slowly, cautiously. "But he was never yours."

"You don't know what he was to me." He spoke each word in a staccato, "I gave him everything! I helped him when no one else would. He was mine and you... you." He balled his hands into fists, looking more like a toddler throwing a tantrum than the future ruler of the underworld.

MC backed away slightly as the Lord's head hung and his face grew red with anger. His muscles were visibly tense in his demon form that left little to the imagination, and he was shaking. Finally he looked up and in a strangled voice said,

"What do you have that I don't?" MC could see he was beyond furious...and on the verge of tears.

They stared at him for a moment, they didn't have an answer after all. Finally they just decided they'd speak their mind, it wasn't like he was going to get any madder.

"What's with you big scary demons and your ownership fantasies?"

His face didn't change, nor his posture. Angry and silently he stewed.

"He didn't owe you anything–"

"HE OWED ME EVERYTHING!!" Diavolo finally erupted. Hands slamming into MCs shoulders and crushing them against the wall behind them. "He owes me his life." Diavolo slammed them against the wall again. "He promised me his service." And again. "I demand that for which I've worked all these years. What belongs to me!" He roared.

MC saw stars as they tried to stay standing, multiple collisions to the back of their head from the wall causing their vision to swim and their knees to buckle. They didn't feel any pain, but they did feel a warm liquid running down their neck and shoulder blades.

They tried to reach for their weapon but their hands were blocked by Diavolo's arms, his fingers digging into thin human skin.

"That's quite enough"

Diavolo's head snapped up at the familiar voice.

"Way to cut it close…" MC almost passed out mid sentence, proving their point.

"Setting aside for now that you're meeting with dangerous acquaintances behind my back, what are you doing outside MC? We're hiding." Lucifer scolded softly as he approached, coming into view behind Diavolo's right shoulder.

"Dangerous acquaintances?" Diavolo repeated in disbelief. Lucifer just put a hand on his shoulder and guided him away from the wall. Away from harming MC farther.

He seemed calm, why was he so calm?

"I am glad you came here my Lord, we are in need of help if we're to take down Michael."

"What? Lucifer I came here for you. I came here to teach your pet a lesson and remind you of your duty to me." He said, baffled.

"Yes and that's all well and good but it will have to wait" Lucifer raised a hand. "If we decide now is the time to parse out emotions and vendetta's then I'm afraid you'll leave here in multiple pieces old friend." He eyed Diavolo pointedly.

Now MC got it, it wasn't that Lucifer was being calm. It's that he was waiting. If he acted on his rage now he'd give them away and lose Diavolo's help.

"I wanna help too!" A new voice invaded the standoff at a most inopportune time. Leaning on Lucifer, MC looked into the mist to identify the voice.

He was the same as he'd always been. He was short but not young. Good but not nice. Small but not quiet.

He was different now, he wore black, he had horns, his cause had abandoned him before he had the chance to abandon it. His skin still healing from the heinous burns he'd suffered.

Yet he was still the same Luke.

#obey me!#obey me fanfic #Holy Hands

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joshversus · 4 years

Text

... Holiday Gaming, Year 5

It is absolutely batshit that I’ve been running these stupid Risus one-shot adventures every December for half a decade. And yet, here we are, and once again I close out a year’s tabletop RPG play with a chaotic mess of wild improvisation and half-baked ideas loosely themed to midwinter celebrations. You can read about previous years adventures here, here, here, and here.

This year formed a direct sequel to last year’s game, which was itself a semi-sequel to the first holiday one shot.

Following a lawsuit alleging image infringement, trademark violations, defamation, and mail fraud (among other charges), Lucifer settled out of court. As a result of the arbitration, Lucifer (Satan) is legally obligated to fulfill those letters intended for Santa which, due to misspelling, have been delivered to the Infernal Pit instead. The letters from Good Children, in particular, must be fulfilled on Christmas Eve as is the expected contract with Santa. Of course, Lucifer himself is embedded waist-deep in Cocytus, the frozen lake at the bottom of Hell, and anyway you don’t get to reign over the entire Inferno without delegating, so the work has been farmed out to lesser demons. The easy letters are dealt with by imps and various minor servitors, but there remain a few more problematic missives, and the Devil has appointed these to five of the lords of Hell to handle before Christmas morning.

Our player characters are:

HAAGENTI, President of Hell, governor over 33 legions, in the shape of a winged bull. (Polymath 4, Boozehound 3, Demon 2, Alchemist 1)

AMDUSIAS, Duke of Hell, governor over 29 legions, in the shape of an upright unicorn. (Magical Musician 4, Treebender 3, Booming Voice 2, Demon 1)

BARBATOS, Duke of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shaped of a devilish bearded man. (Demon 4, Dr. Doolittle 3, Treasure Hunter 2, Fortune Teller 1)

FURFUR, Earl of Hell, governor over 26 legions, in the shape of a hart with a fiery tail. (Cupid 4, Thunder and Lightning 3, Demon 2, Soothsayer 1)

MARCHOSIAS, Marquess of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shape of a winged wolf with a flaming mouth. (Rowdy Boy 4, Demon 3, Fundamentally Honest 2, Flamethrower 1)

(Our demonic cast is directly but loosely based off their attributes as recorded in The Lesser Key of Solomon.)

Lucifer lays out the deal: Get this done before dawn. They’ve got to follow the rules Santa laid on in arbitration:

No teleporting inside the residence. They can teleport to it, but must get inside physically.

No damage. No blasting the walls down with hellfire or the like. Santa doesn’t do property damage.

No getting seen, unless being seen fosters belief in Santa Claus and the Magic of Christmas.

If milk and cookies or other snacks have been left out for Santa, they must be consumed.

Letters from Good Children must be fulfilled.

There are five Good Child letters left. Lucifer has provided them with a magic sack which will provide the next letter as each is fulfilled, and also potentially provide gifts or other useful tools (no guarantees). The letters are revealed first with names and locations, and only once the party is at the residence is the child’s request made visible. It is also established that the demons all basically have a roughly 13th-16th century European level of understanding.

LETTER ONE comes from Jimothy Sanchez of Passaic, New Jersey. Jimothy lives with his father Oliver, stepmother Alanis, and his older stepsister Quinn. Jimothy is eight.

The demons arrive via teleportation outside the two-story suburban home of the Sanchez family. They are confused by the environment, but immediately begin debating how to get in. Examination of the letter reveals that Jimmy wants a “fidget spinner” and to “go to space like an astronaut.”

Barbatos begins interrogating a nightbird for information on how to get inside. “You’re tellin’ me you want to get in there to give a little boy a ‘present’? You fuckin’ pervert,” the thickly-NJ-accented bird replies. Eventually, the bird summons some pigeons, who attack Marchosias. Furfur responds by summoning lighting to strike the bird’s tree, which splits and bursts into flames.

This wakes the father inside, who (as can be seen through the window) calls the fire department, although the demons are unclear on what’s happening. Barbatos turns himself into an approximation of Santa (long white beard, red sharkskin suit, curling ram’s horns) as the fire department arrives. Marchosias and Haagenti teleport back to Dis to visit the infernal library and attempt to unravel the word “astronaut”. Amdusias attempts to pull a key out of the magic sack, but gets a viper instead, which she discards on the ground where it almost immediately bites a fireman. Oliver Sanchez comes outside, and Barbatos introduces himself as Santa, leading to a great deal of confusion. Marchosias and Haagenti return, and Haagenti attempts to sell the Santa con by turning into an elf, but succeeds only in turning into an Elf on the Shelf, all of which causes Mr. Sanchez to faint. Barbatos picks up the EotS and they and Marchosias go inside. After getting the rundown on what “astronaut” means, Barbatos attempts to get a book on Space from the bag, and gets a book about NASA. Amdusias downs the milk and cookies, and is revolted by the lack of parasites. Based on the book, he goes to the Moon, where he attempts to collect a footprint left there by astronauts. Since it’s all moon dust, he just gets a fist of dust. He brings that back and stuff it and a wooden top (provided by the sack in response to a request for a fidget spinner) into the stocking labeled Jimothy, and the demons collectively bug out while the firefighters attempt to revive their envenomed compatriot.

LETTER TWO comes from the children of St. Guinefort’s Home for Disadvantaged Children, an archaic Catholic orphanage in NYC’s Lower East Side. Surprisingly, the children have not requested anything unreasonable, but have requested a badminton set so they can play together. Haagenti and Barbatos teleport to the roof of the building in search of a chimney, and finding one Barbatos tosses Haagenti (still in stuffed elf form) down it. Haagenti hits a metal barrier and finds himself trapped. Furfur joins them and drops a steaming, acidic load of demon poo down it, burning a hole through the closed flue and dumping Haagenti into a disused storeroom. Barbatos turns into a rat and follows him down. Haagenti attempts to take the form of a child and only manages to become a naked, horned baby with a devil’s tail, but is at least able to crawl around. Barbatos goes for Santa mode again, but this time ends up worse, appearing gaunt and skeletal in his red garb. Barbatos stuffs the baby Haagenti into the magic bag, a transimensional experience which shatters his mind and that of Furfur, who was scrying on their progress at the moment. The two have a close encounter with and narrowly avoid the notice of a nun doing the rounds, and manage to quickly locate a room full of sleeping children, where a sad, Charlie-Brown-esque tree sits with no presents around. Outside, Amdusias attempts to prevent any undue attention by summoning the sound of a traditional Christmas carol, but unwittingly makes everyone in earshot lose Whamageddon instead, followed by Fairytale of New York.

Back inside, Barbatos extracts the extremely dazed Haagenti from the sack, and then attempts to get a badminton set out of it. The sack provides everything required: net, rackets, shuttlecocks, posts, post-hole digger, cardboard tube forms for pouring concrete anchors for the posts, bags of concrete, a backhoe and steamroller for flattening the court, turf, grass seed, chalk, a spreader, etc. The room is very full, and the tree is entirely obscured.

The demons retreat to Central Park, where they have a brief altercation with some hoodlums, before heading to the next home.

LETTER THREE was from Emily Chen of Hollywood, California, where she lives with her mother Amy and three brothers Ted, Leo, and Bobby in a three-bedroom apartment on the fifth floor of a walk-up building. Emily, as the letter reveals, wants a pony.

Amdusias’s tree-bending bends a palm over the fence and lets everybody past the gates of the building, and the demons gather around the door to apartment. Barbatos uses his treasure-finding skills to locate a key. It is inside the apartment. A cat is sensed inside, and Barbatos attempts to convince the cat to let them in. The cat explains that even if it wanted to, it can’t work the lock. A bribe of fish is offered if the cat will retrieve the key and push it under the door - the cat agrees if they will give it sushi. A key is pushed under the door. It does not fit in the lock. Haagenti turns it into a more ductile metal to make it fit into the keyhole, and then attempts to firm it up so it can be turned, but in doing so ends up fusing it into the keyhole. The cat demands sushi, which when extracted from the bag is revealed to be a piece of tamago nigiri. An offer of salmon is made, but the cat again points out they are not capable of working the locks. One of the demons tried to turn the cat into a human. The locks click, the door opens, and a very sexy, very naked, and entirely testicle-less human man is revealed, demanding salmon. The salmon is given, but the former cat asks for its balls back in exchange for letting them in and not just blowing up their spot right then and there. Magic succeeds in restoring the man-cat’s genitals, and after garbing himself in a child’s gym shorts and some flip-flops, the cat leaves into the Hollywood night and the demons are free to enter.

The living room bears a silver metallic tree, which confuses them, but they quickly and successfully extract a full-sized live pony and a bale of moist hay form the sack, the demons depart.

LETTER FOUR comes from Bethany-Ann Mayweather of South Carolina. Bethany, it turns out, lives in a heavily-fortified survivalist compound in the woods with her dad (Steve), two brothers (Jesse and Dave), and two sisters (Katie and Donna-Lee. The entire place is surrounded by an electrified fence topped with razor wire.

Emily would like to go to school like other children.

Things get weird. Amdusias bends a tree over the fence, and Furfur drops down to discover that the clear ground between the fence and the building itself is heavily mined, exploding instantly (but non-fatally, because demon). Lights are going on at the compound as Furfur starts bouncing around setting off mines and motion-sensing lamps.

Marchosias has the idea that the humans at the first house had somehow summoned that metal chariot in response to the burning tree by talking into that weird curved oblong shape, and that if they do the same maybe the metal chariot will help them get in. Reaching into the bag extracts a banana. Marchosias holds it to the side of his head and says hello.

“Hello?” says a sleepy voice from the banana. “Who is this?”

“Uh, Mark,” responds Marchosias, who is Fundamentally Honest. “Are you the...cops? There is a little girl and there is a lot of gunpowder and fire and explosions.”

“What? No, this is Raffi. How did you get this number? Is this a prank?”

It is established that this is not a prank (”Did Steve put you up to this?” “There’s a Steve here but no.” “From Blue’s Clues.” “I don’t know who or what that is.” “Mark, I’m looking at this caller ID here, and it just says ‘banana’. What’s going on?”). Barbatos teleports to this ‘Raffi’, the shock of which causes Raffi to suffer a heart attack and die. Barbatos resurrects Raffi as an undead revenant, and after difficulty (”Raffi, how do we call the police?” “RING. RING. RING. BANANAPHONE.”) manage to extract the magical incantation “911″ from the former children’s entertainer. Marchosias invokes this to the banana and connects to emergency services, and after a very complicated discussion (and some light aerial reconnaissance to pinpoint a location) succeeds in convincing them that there is a dangerous, heavily-armed incident at the compound and a child is in danger. SWAT is being sent. Meanwhile, Furfur is drawing gunfire from the survivalist dad, and Amdusias uses spectral music to distract him while they slip inside.

The six-foot-tall unicorn-headed naked figure reaches the crude two-dimensional paper Christmas tree inside the survival bunker and attempts to eat the dry saltines and rehydrated powdered milk that has been left out. They are interrupted by the sleepy-eyed and tow-headed Bethany-Ann, who asks who they are. Amdusias explains that they’re subbing in because Blitzen is sick. Blitzen is Bethany-Ann’s favorite. Amdusias tells her she’s going to get to go to school soon, and after a hug sends Bethany-Ann to hide under her bed until some nice people come get her. Furfur attempts to use his lightning powers to dash Blitzen-like over the compound to drive home the Christmas-ness of it all, and instead burns holes through a number of trees as he accelerates to an appreciable fraction of the speed of light. The remaining demons depart as militarized police descend on the compound.

THE FINAL LETTER is from Marcus Fitzwilliams III, son of Buck and Nancy, brother to Samantha, of Casper, Wyoming. Marcus is ten, and he would like “a fortnite”. The demons gather outside the ranch-style suburban home and debate what that means. Eventually, they decide this means he wants to spend a night in a fort, and locating the Fort Caspar Museum nearby they plan to liberate the child from the house and take him there. They decide against a plan to bring the fort to the house on the grounds that this might cause property damage. Everyone but Marchosias goes to the backyard; Marchosias, who at this point looks like Bea Arthur because of reasons, remains out front with the banana to allay suspicion.

In the backyard, Barbatos again attempts to find a key, but fails. He does detect a dog, and attempts to convince the dog to let them in. The dog declines. “Stranger bad. Bite stranger.” An offer of bacon is made, and raw bacon pulled from the sack. “Bacon good. Bite bacon. Bite stranger. Good dog.” This goes back and forth for a bit, and the dog starts barking. Barbatos attempts to turn into a dog to sell the bit, and turns into a massive, ebon mastiff with glowing red eyes. The bacon falls on the ground. Furfur is now hiding in trees behind the house, joined by Amdusias, who attempts to keep things under control by bellowing “somebody let that dog out for a walk”, which comes out in a titanic demonic shout which rattles windows and kills the azaleas. Lights come on. The backdoor opens and Buck, carrying a rifle, looks at the giant demon dog and Haagenti, who is still a demonic baby, and the pile of bacon. In the trees, the flaming tail of Furfur glows.

“MA, GET UP AND CHECK THE FRONT, I THINK THE METHHEADS ARE TRYIN’ TO ROB US.”

Shit goes sideways quick. Nancy opens the front door and sees Bea Arthur standing in her yard talking into a banana, and confirms the meth suspicion to buck. The dog escapes into the yard and eats the bacon. Baby Haagenti jumps on mastiff Barbatos’ back and the two dash into the house as Buck fires wildly at them and the intruders in the trees. Nancy shoots the bananaphone and the side of Bea Arthur’s face. Inside the house, Haagenti and Barbatos dodge bullets semi-successfully. Haagenti scarfs cookies while Barbatos abandons the original plan and reaches into the bag while thinking “Fort Night”, pulling forth a card with a download code for Minecraft. Furfur pulls his lightning-assisted flight trick over the house while Amdusias tries a bellowing “HO HO HO” so loud and infernal it shatters windows in houses throughout the neighborhood.

The list complete, the demons depart for Dis, where they are quickly met by Asmodeus, who tells them the boss wants to see them. The demon lords report total success, but receive a thorough chewing-out from Lucifer, who details the many, many violations they have committed and the agonies he is going to inflict on them for their failure.

“You know the ring where we bury people up to their face in flaming shit?” “Yeah, that one’s great.” “Not for the humans. I’m going to turn you all into humans and stick you there for the next thousand years.”

The demons attempt to portray their actions in a favorable light, and Amdusias protests and attempts to get the sounds of Michael Bublé’s Let it Snow to play and encourage the spirit of the holiday to earn them some clemency. However, it turns instead into Snow’s Informer as Belial reveals himself from behind Lucifer’s torso and tells them he was following and reporting on them the whole time, everyone gets in a Christmas “no, fuck you”, our heroes are consigned to flaming shit, and credits roll. Happy Holidays, everyone.

#risus #annual holiday game #rpgs #not a strict interpretation of the goetia #man seriously a lot happened I probably forgot a third of it but this was long #demons are not elves #also there was the bit where furfur tried to make a bird fall in love and it got weird

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tetsugon · 3 years

Text

Introduction

Brave! Fighting Tetsugon

Genre Tokusatsu

Created by Hikaru Nakano

Developed by Channel 14 Project Development ltd.

Directed by Hajime Iijima

Starring Goro Mutsumi

Shin Kusumi

Saeko Yanagawa

Opening

Theme Like Iron! Tetsugon

Ending

Theme None

Composer *Taro Zuchi

*(suspected pen name of the famed Masaru Sato)

Country of

Origin Japan

No. Of

Episodes 12

Running

Time 24 minutes

Original

Network HTB-6

Original January 28, 1973 -

Release April 29, 1973

Brave! Fighting Tetsugon was a tokusatsu mystery/kaiju television series created by special effects artist Hikaru Nakano. The original airing consisted of a total thirteen episodes and were broadcast from January 28th, 1973 to April 29, 1973 on Hokkaido Television Broadcasting. Originally slated for a full season of twenty-eight episodes, the show was cut short due to poor ratings and behind the scenes drama. In addition to the twelve aired episodes, it features one unaired episode and one theatrical film. There are controversies surrounding a cycle of short stories independently published in the eighties from Thailand.

Story

The series takes place in a world plagued by Black Saturn, a mysterious global terrorist organisation formed by satanic industrialists and oil magnates. To further their plans for world domination, Black Saturn scours the world in search of monsters and other horrors to sow chaos across the globe in order to profit off of it, with their long term goal being to forge an “Empire of Fear” ruled by fiendish and cruel remnants of the dinosaurs.

Thailand Controversy

After the series cancelation midway through its season, series creator Hikaru Nakano disappeared. Rumour has it that Nakano fled to Thailand, disgusted by the commercialism of the film and television industry and left to live a quiet life in another country. In the mid-eighties, a series of short stories began to be published under different pseudonyms in Thai science fiction magazines. They seemed to be sourced from the series bible and other production notes, none of which are known to exist. It is claimed that these stories were published by Nakano and thus are technically canon. Translated summaries of the identified stories have been found and they match with known testimonies of what surviving series staff can remember. However, the exact authorship of these stories has not been positively clarified.

Characters

Main Characters

Andrei Fujioka - Youngest son of the Fujioka family and has a special bond with Tetsugon after nursing his weakened beetle form back to health after a savage battle in the series pilot. Andrei is a stubborn and short-tempered twelve year old with a penchant for insects and martial arts. He is often accused of being a delinquent by the teachers and other adults in his life, but has a kind and compassionate nature. His father is an Interpol agent who fell in love with his mother on assignment in the USSR, and fled with their son back to Japan. He has a tense relationship with his adoptive mother.

Kyoko Fujioka - The eldest sister is a career focused photographer who works for a Sapporo newspaper. She does not share a father with her kid brother and has recently allowed her brother to live with her due to the strained relationship between Andrei and her biological mother. She is an organised and meticulous person, who takes her assignments seriously.

Side Characters

Masami Tanaka - The Editor-in-Chief of the small fringe “Sapporo Unbalance Report”, he takes Kyoko under his wing after she loses her job at the more prestiges Sapporo Register. He is a tough as nails veteran of the second world war, a dedicated Buddhist, and a believer in all things supernatural.

Fukashi Fujioka - an intrepid globetrotting Interpol agent, Fukashi “Fox” Fujioka now acts as more of a handler and does less field work to be near his family, fearing that they are being targeted by Black Saturn. He made several mysterious appearances throughout the first twelve episodes, but his character was never expanded on further due to the series cancellation.

Corporal Eiji Sonoda - A shy and lovesick service member of the JGSDF, he pines after Kyoko but she remains kind but disinterested. He is assigned to a rapid response unit to deal with looming monster threats. The conclusion of Sonoda and his unrequited affections for Kyoko were never resolved due to cancellation.

Black Saturn

An occult group of elite industrialists, oil tycoons, and arms dealers. The human agents all swear their loyalty to a subterranean prehistoric fiend that speaks through dinosaur fossils embedded in the cave walls of their secret lair. Agents of Black Saturn are everywhere on all levels of society and can be identified by a black gemmed ring on their pinky finger.

Council of Saturn - A group of shadowy businessmen whose identities are never revealed. It can be inferred from dialogue that they are leaders of nations and influential industrial and financial figures.

Baron Zebulun - Dressed as a dapper English gentleman, but possessing the head of a cracked and desiccated hellish ape with a single curved horn on his forehead. He is the primary field operative working for Black Saturn and running operations on the ground, formulating schemes and mediating deals with all sorts of fresh forms of terror. He is the most prominent of the Black Saturn lieutenants in the completed episodes.

Madame Boisu - a traditional geisha with a gem encrusted head with faces that go all the way around, she is able to speak to monsters and acts as a translator for their gestures and roars. She was intended to be used later on in the series, but what plans were being conceived after the assumed demise of Baron Zebulun are unknown.

Saigumo - A large spider who speaks in a Russian accent, he was less sinister and more of a comic relief, often playing cruel tricks on people and aiding in human agents of Black Saturn to complete plot motivated schemes, or to slow down the human characters. Behind the scenes images as well as some scant merchandising material show that he was likely intended to grow to enormous size and fight Tetsugon directly, but it is not definitively known if this was simply the repurposing of his suit for a new kaiju or the same character.

Kodactyus - A sinister prehistoric force of extinction and destruction, Kodactyus is only named from series descriptions from magazines, appearing as glowing red eyes and an enormous Pterodactyl skull embedded in a cave wall that occasionally growled. It is unknown if Kodactyus is manipulating the council, or vica versa. In regards to the unverified Thailand cycle of short stories, it is claimed that Kodactyus features more explicitly.

Episode List

1.1 - Leap from the Earth! Tetsugon Appears! Part 1 (Tetsugon, Shindora (first appearance))

1.2 - Conclusion! Tetsugon Appears! Part 2 (Tetsugon, Shindora)

1.3 - Terror of the Fossil Monsters Part 1 (Tetsugon, Aburex (first appearance))

1.4 - Defeat the Fossil Monsters! Part 2 (Tetsugon, Aburex)

1.5 - Fear the Ancient Devil! (Tetsugon, King Totedyne (first, final appearance))

1.6 - Here Comes the Star Eater! (Tetsugon, Uchuzoa-Zero / Uchuzoa-Probe (first, final appearance))

1.7 - Land Sharks Attack Tokyo! Shindora Returns (Tetsugon, Shindora)

1.8 - Revenge of the Devil Wizard of the Sea (Tetsugon, Jomonujira /Gamaku (first appearance))

1.9 - Revive the Ancient Hero Monster! Clash with Tetsugon (Tetsugon, Jomonujira, Barbelazu (first appearance))

1.10 - Destiny of the Ancient Duel! (Tetsugon, Jomonujira, Barbelazu, Gamaku (final appearance))

1.11 - Two Monsters Advance on Tetsugon! (Aburex (final appearance), Shindora (final appearance), Archulist (first, final appearance))

1.12 - The Living Swarm! Plague Upon Japan (Tetsugon, Senago (first, final appearance))

1.13 - Mystery of the Star Hunter! Part 1 (Tetsugon, Kyuhon, Star Hunter Trishul (first, final appearance))

Shine! Mighty Tetsugon - Colourized stock footage film intended for Champions Film Festival, all monsters appear

Monster List (In Order of Appearance)

Tetsugon

Shindora

Aburex

Uchuzoa-Zero

Uchuzoa-Probe

King Totedyne

Jomonujira

Gamaku

Barbelazu

Archulist

Senago

Kyuhon

Star Hunter Trishul

History

Produced for television in 1973, Tetsugon was originally slated for twenty-eight but was cut short by its poor ratings. Its failure to connect with its target audience are often attributed to it being black and white for budgetary concerns (at a time when colour was standard) and bizarre episode premises that did not appeal to a young demographic. However, it is fondly remembered by dedicated toku fans for its creative monster action and unique visual style. In addition to its original twelve aired episodes and one unaired episode, it has one film; “Shine! Mighty Tetsugon'' a crude stock footage dependent movie that is noteworthy more for the crude colourisation done on scenes from the original episode than any of its cinematic qualities.

Conceived by Hikaru Nakano while he was a special effects assistant director, Nakano was an anti-establishment troublemaker who enthusiastically wrote short fiction in his free time and published under several pseudonyms. When he heard that the television network was looking for a kaiju show to cash in on the pop culture trend at the time, he quickly created a detailed pitch informed by his environmentalism, affection for folk traditions, and conspiratorial mistrust of authority.

With no other properly developed alternative, the network cautiously approved a single season and gave Hikaru Nakano an executive producer position on the show. His enthusiasm made up for his lack of writing finesse and contributed to the overall tone of the show; a hodgepodge of many ideas that were in vogue at the time, held together by an affection for dark American science fiction like the Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits. Rather than be dissuaded by his shows lack of budget for full colour, he embraced the limitation and made moodier and more gothic inspired storylines much to the chagrin of the channel executives who tried to market it as a family friendly show.

Tohl Magami was an embittered mercenary director in the film industry, known for largely forgotten b-films in the yakuza and action genres. The assignment of being on a children's kaiju show was a new low, no longer as presigious as it once was at the genre heights of the late-fifties to mid-sixties. While indifferent to the subject matter, it is considered that his foul mood during production created a bizarre artistic storm with Nakanos young tenacity that informs the series style. Action sequences were aggressive, the lighting was moody and expressionistic, and the cinematography could vary wildly from pedestrian to uncanny moments of artistic flair.

However, the channel executives patience with the project was running thin and their intervention is often felt throughout the series run, contributing in their own way to its disjointed tones and inconsistency. The original intent of Black Saturn was to have monsters be assorted undead dinosaurs, but the channel was concerned about repetition, scrapping this idea. This concept was ultimately embodied in just one monster, the sinister and iconic Aburex. An early run of dark sci-fi style storylines eventually lead to what is informally referred to as the “fantasy arc”, with the villain Jomonujira. The conception of Jomonujira outraged Nakano, feeling it violated his environmentalist principles to feature an endangered whale as a villain, despite the positive reception of that arc of the show. The Fantasy arc featured a grand storyline, a great villain, some of the best action in the series, and the addition of a popular ally monster, the Godzilla-like Barbelazu.

This led into what is regarded as the best and second-last of the aired episodes, featuring two of its standout villains plus an additional partner kaiju to fight alongside Tetsugon; the ancient robot Archulist. Barbelazu being a popular addition to the fantasy arc, this was an attempt to repeat that same success.

Wanting to try their hand at a kyodai style hero in a last ditch effort to boost ratings, the channel pressured Nakano to incorporate an Ultraman-style alie for Tetsugon. Nakano balked at this, regarding the forward thinking and futurist minded Ultraman as dichotomous to his darker and more folk informed sensibilities; more philosophically egregious to him than the whale monster. The creative argument was so bitter, that it ultimately resulted in the decision to cancel the already wavering series. Hearing of this and regarding it as the ultimate betrayal, Nakano rewrote his submitted treatment to feature the kyodai hero Star Hunter Trishul as the villain. It is believed that the second episode was filmed but never properly edited together, leaving the show on a tense cliffhanger. The content of the incomplete episode remains a mystery to this day.

The series was condensed into an eighty minute stock footage heavy film, Shine! Mighty Tetsugon for the annual Champions Festival. The film is largely a summary of the entire series, but is most notable for being colourized. While the colourization was garish, often conflicting with the gothic lighting and tone, it is notable for featuring the monsters in their canon colour schemes per the series bible laid out by Nakano and the other writers. The most substantial additions are several sequences of Tetsugon being observed by a seemingly omnipotent mechanical alien called Comptroller Ranjin, who watches from a shadowy dimension, differentiated by being shot in the television series classic black in white.

The film acts as his observations of Tetsugons abilities, and to justify the now legendary finale; featuring a floating steppe plain hovering above Mt. Fuji where all the monsters are buried in a graveyard. Tetsugon & co. fly to this plain to investigate when the graveyard erupts in a horde of the resurrected monsters. One of the most legendary brawls in tokusatsu occurs between Tetsugon and his entire rogues gallery. Before Tetsugon is defeated, it is revealed that the entire scene was a hologram of Ranjin broadcasted to Earth from his dimension, even bringing into question whether the human protagonists, and the show itself, were even real. The final shot is Ranjin laughing maniacally as the camera zooms into the supposedly mechanical being, to reveal a shrivelled slug-like creature suspended inside the diving suit head and declaring that "it was all for naught".

Rumours abound that this final battle sequence was filmed shortly after it was decided that the show would be canceled, with the Comptroller Ranjin being a thinly veiled stand-in for Nakanos disdain for the channel executives. It is also claimed that the sequences themselves were shot by Nakano shortly before his disappearance, lacking the frantic energy that the indifferent but seasoned action direction that Magami brought to the original show. For years, rumours floated in fan circles that there was a darker and even sinister final speech from Comptroller Ranjin that expressed a bleak view of reality itself, confusing and upsetting the largely youth audience that watched it; although, this has never been concretely verified, all evidence points to a much tamer version that is reported from this lost film.

#Tetsugon #introduction

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sirtravisjacksonoftexas · 3 years

Text

Was Satan the Serpent in the Garden? UM, YES, and the Oaks of Mamre Will Show you Why…

250,000 BC.

Studying the Mesopotamian midnight sky, Eve considered the constellations, smiling as she deciphered their shapes. One looked like a giant with his arms raised, another a lion. One resembled a fish, one a bear with a tail, and one that resembled…a serpent.

“The Serpent.” She said, her curly red hair caught in the air, covering her freckled face. Flicking her hair away, she turned, walking between two glistening white bushes, their red flowers larger than her head. Sniffing several, she enjoyed their citrus scent, resembling that of an open orange. Plucking one, she walked forwards, twirling around Adam as he tended to a dark tree. Admiring his overly muscular form, Eve raised an eyebrow and smirked. Turning away, she sniffed the red flower in her hands…then froze.

“Forbidden tree…” She whispered, her amber eyes wide.

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was considered anathema in the Garden. Monkeys, including the huge howlers, never leaped onto its branches. Horned owls never perched on it, Tarsiers never climbed it. Even angels wouldn’t dare draw near it. It wasn’t really off-limits, and the only beings that were not allowed to eat its round, purple-skinned fruit were Adam and Eve, and yet…most kept their distance. Being caretakers of the Garden, Adam and Eve didn’t have that luxury. They had to tend its branches, water it. Thus, they were the only creatures who dared approach the tree.

They…and the serpent.

Cocking her head, Eve dropped the flower, then approached.

Studying the ground, she stepped over several of the tree’s crimson roots, many of which arched over the grass. Its bark was just as red, albeit a bit darker and more rugged in appearance. Golden sap bled from its bark, creating several pools on the ground that Eve hopped over. Its bright green leaves each bore seven points, all of which now and again generated a spark. Whenever the wind struck them, the leaves would speak words, many of which neither Adam nor Eve could understand. Eve recalled some of those words as she studied the leaves, which tonight were so far silent:

“Get the elephants on board! The rain is coming, Ham, the rain is coming…”

“I don’t care how many workers perish, I want that pyramid built…”

“Take the infants, offer them to Chemosh…”

“Eurystheus, why do you complain so much about your new wife? Just beat her into submission and be done with it…”

“The Plague…the Plague in Paris…”

“Burn, witch! Burn…

“Welcome to Auschwitz, everyone…”

“The second tower…has fallen…”

Shaking her head, eve turned to the nearest of its fruits.

“How can such a twisted, troubled tree bear such beautiful delights…”

The garden was suddenly filled with light. As Eve looked around, the ground shook, several trees snapping in the distance. A coarse, gravelly roar scattered ravens into the air, making Eve put her hands on her ears. As more and more trees snapped, she turned and looked to the north, seeing something rise above the bushes, its head twenty feet off the ground. Eve’s eyes went across its scales, which were darker than the night sky, darker than any shadow and yet…generated light. She noted its dark blue tongue, which reached ten feet when it flicked. It’s saber fangs stretched far below its mouth, dripping venom that generated flame. As it opened its crimson eyes, Eve smiled.

“I…I didn’t expect you awake at this hour…” Eve said, blinking as she put her hand on her chin.

“My child, other serpents sleep.” the serpent said, his voice deep, penetrating,

“I spend my nights plotting instead.”

“Plotting? What does “plotting” mean?” Eve said, failing to understand. Smirking, the serpent slithered around the tree, lowering his head until his eyes were level with hers. Suddenly, his tongue darted, less than an inch away from her ear.

“Oh, you’ve never heard of that word before, have you?.”

As Eve shook her head, the tip of the Serpent’s tail moved through her hair. Wrapping his tail around her, the serpent moved his head forwards, his mouth now an inch from hers.

“Why, plotting deals with secret plans, my dear, plans designed to…make things more interesting. It makes for great sport.”

“Wow! It sounds fun. Can you teach us?” Eve said, her voice enthusiastic as she nodded to Adam, who was oblivious to their conversation. The serpent laughed.

“Unbelievable. Yahweh…makes such funny creatures. My, of course I will teach you both.”

“When? Tonight?” Eve said.

“Soon.”

“What is the secret plan that you’ve been plot…plotting?”

The serpent laughed again.

“I can’t tell you, child. It’s a secret, for now.”

“Can you at least give me a hint?”

An eastern gust blew into the garden. Both Eve and the serpent turned to the tree, hearing its leaves speak. While Eve winced, the serpent smiled and closed his eyes, the voice of future human miseries making his body warm. Opening his eyes, he looked at one of the tree’s fruits.

“Well…let’s just say that you’ll play an important part in it…”

The serpent is the original bad boy of the Bible, a critter that’s partially responsible for all the miseries and sins of the world. Though Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and thus brought spiritual death into the world, they wouldn’t have done so if the serpent hadn’t tempted Eve. Indeed, when God questioned Adam about eating from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, he pointed the finger at Eve, who in turn pointed the finger at the Serpent (Genesis 3:1113)- who, of course, didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I know, it’s an old joke, but still a good one.

Incidentally, the serpent was the first judged by God after Eve spilled the beans. Eve was then judged, then Adam (Genesis 3:11-19). This makes an inverted parallel with was we see in Genesis 3:11-13.

Nevertheless, the sin of the serpent was of a far different nature than those of Adam and Eve: While Adam and Eve fell due to temptation, the serpent fell due to malicious intent. He had intended to tempt Adam and Eve, plotting both their spiritual downfall and the sorrow to follow. This makes his actions far more evil. Unlike Adam and Eve, he had planned his sin. Adam and Eve fell into the temptation of the moment, while the serpent had mentally worked his sin out. Is it really any wonder that, during the Second Temple Period (538 BC to 70 AD), Jews identified the serpent with the Devil? Indeed, even the first people who heard the story being read from the Torah, around the time of Moses (about 1400 BC), would have considered the serpent as more than just an animal: snakes don’t talk, let alone plot the spiritual downfall of mankind. And since when do animals get judged by God for sins, when they are not even born with a sinful nature, don’t know the concept of right and wrong, and just flat out are incapable of sin? How could the serpent sin when all other animals are incapable of it? Along with this, snakes have no limbs, and yet this one is punished by, among other things, being forced to crawl on its belly (Genesis 3:14). This seems to indicate that the serpent once had limbs. Josephus, the ancient Jewish Historian, stated that the serpent had feet, and that he was deprived of their use (possibly meaning that he lost them), and thus why he had to crawl on the ground from then on (See Josephus’ “Antiquities of the Jews”, 1.4.50 (Curiously, Najash rionegrina, a prehistoric snake that lived 95 million years ago, had both hips and functioning hind legs. It was named after the Hebrew name for the Edenic Serpent (Nahash in Hebrew) due to the fact that it seemingly also had limbs. Several other prehistoric snakes likewise had limbs, but unlike others of its time, Najash lived on land).

Let’s face it: the Serpent of Eden was no mere snake. Indeed, the fact that it’s called “The Serpent” may indicate that it is The Serpent, the Serpent par-excellence, indicating that it is in some way unique among snakes.

In what way would it be unique? Is it just the fact that it could talk, that it had at least human intelligence and that it seemingly had limbs?

Or it is because its supernatural?

Both Revelation 12:9 and 20:2 spills the beans on who, and what, the Serpent really was:

“And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.” Revelation 12:9 (Emphasis mine).

“And he seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand years,” Revelation 20:2 (emphasis mine).

So, biblically speaking, the case is closed: the Serpent of Eden was actually…the Devil himself!

Keep in mind, this interpretation has backing from extra-biblical Jewish religious texts of the Second Temple Period (538 BC-AD 70).

However, skeptics of the Bible (in particular skeptics of Christian interpretation of the Bible) will say “Not so fast! The context of Genesis 2 and 3 indicates that the Serpent is actually an animal, albeit a very unusual animal, and thus the New Testament is wrong!”

Why do they say this?

First, let’s look at Genesis 2:18-20:

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.” (emphasis mine).

Next, let’s look at Genesis 3:1:

“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (Emphasis mine)

Now let’s look at Genesis 3:14-15:

“The Lord God said to the serpent,

“Because you have done this,

cursed are you above all livestock

and above all beasts of the field;

on your belly you shall go,

and dust you shall eat

all the days of your life.

15 I will put enmity between you and the woman,

and between your offspring[a] and her offspring;

he shall bruise your head,

and you shall bruise his heel.” (emphasis mine)

In these passages, the Serpent is classed alongside the animals of the Garden, specifically in the “Beast of the Field” category. Given the context, it seems, at first glance, highly unlikely that the Serpent was originally intended to be seen as a spirit entity, let alone the Devil.

Thus, skeptics argue, the New Testament is wrong, therefore the Christian Bible is wrong, nah nah nah!

But…is it?

Um…NO, and here is why:

1. THE EDENIC SIDEWINDER…

Many people in the world, including many, if not most, Christians, have the mistaken belief that only the New Testament identifies the Serpent as supernatural. However, the Old Testament likewise indicates that its supernatural. For starters, as previously mentioned, the serpent talks, which immediately indicates that something is not kosher in Denmark. The fact that it was seducing Eve to eat of the fruit, knowing that it would lead to her ruin and the fall of humanity, is another indicator that this is not some regular critter of the animal kingdom. However, there are other signs in the passage that shows that the Serpent is truly supernatural, signs that are lost in translation.

The Biblical Hebrew word for Serpent is “Nahash”. Nahash does indeed mean serpent, but it can all be used as the root word for both divination and deception (The Serpent is deceiving Eve…). It can also mean “The Shining One”. This latter point is interesting, considering that not only can snake scales shine in sunlight, but that supernatural beings, including Jesus, are at times depicted as radiating light (Exodus 13:21-22, 19:18, 24:17, 40:34-38, Isaiah 14:12 (remember this passage later), Ezekiel 1:7, Daniel 10:6, Habakkuk 3:3-4, Matthew 17:1-8, Luke 2:9-10, Acts 12:7, 26:13-15, Revelation 10:1, 18:1-2, 21:23-25, etc). Nahash is not simply meant to convey “serpent” here. In this passage, It’s a triple Entrende, conveying three meanings. It’s a deceiving serpent who happens to glow or shine.

Now, this sounds like a pretty freaky snake to a modern reader. However, it must be remembered that the Bible wasn’t written in the modern world, let alone the modern west. Instead, it was written in the ancient near east, and people from that time period would catch things in the scripture that most modern people would not. Indeed, when an ancient Israelite read this passage, a regular garden variety snake would not come to their mind.

A Seraphim, however, would.

Seraphim angels are among the most impressive supernatural beings found in scripture. In Isaiah chapter 6:1-13, Isaiah has a vision where he sees both God and several Seraphim. Each Seraphim angel had 6 wings and, seemingly at first glance, an otherwise human appearance, with hands and feet (Isaiah 6:2, 6). At first, these seems like a juiced-up version of the kind of angel we usually have in mind, human-like save for wings (in this case, 6 instead of the usual 2 that we normally think of).

However, these angels are even more remarkable when we consider the original Hebrew. The Hebrew word “Seraph” aka “saraf” (the singular form of “Seraphim”) means “He/it burns”, which brings to mind an angel that is radiating fire (which fits with other passages where supernatural being emit light). However, Seraph also means (drum roll)…

…snake.

Repeat: SNAKE!

Thus, the plural “Seraphim” can mean: SNAKES!

Something tells the that Indiana Jones wouldn’t like Heaven much…

Oh, by the way: we actually have several ancient Israelite depictions of Seraphim, two of which depict scenes that are strikingly similar to what Isaiah describes in the sixth chapter of his book. One of these latter two was owned by Ashna, who was a courtier for King Ahaz of Judah. Isaiah actually prophesied to this king (Isaiah 7), and had close connections to his court (Isaiah 7-9). Now, keep in mind, Jerusalem during this period was a bit small. Perhaps not Martindale Texas small, but…small. And, funny thing, when it comes to small towns…everybody often knows everybody. They’re like the bar in the TV show “Cheers”: its “where everybody knows your name”. When you combine this with the fact that both Isaiah and Ashna knew the king, that Isaiah had connections with the king’s court, and that Ashna was a courtier…well, one can conclude that these two historical figures had met each other.

Why is all of this important?

Well, because the Seraphim are not depicted in any of these ancient artworks as winged humans.

They’re depicted as snakes.

In the vast majority of cases, winged snakes.

Now, this is striking on so many levels. I mean, angels appearing as…flying snakes? Makes one look at God’s throne room in a far different light! But what’s also striking is the fact that the Bible actually mentions flying snakes elsewhere. Indeed, it mentions fiery flying snakes (Isaiah 14:29, 30:6), something that some bible translations mistakenly don’t convey properly or, in some cases, get it 100% wrong (translations like the Amplified Version and the ESV have the correct rendering).

And what word do these passages use for “serpent”?

Seraph.

Now, remember, Seraph means both “snake” and “he/it burns”. Just as “Serpent” in Genesis 3 has three meanings, Seraphim has a dual meaning in Isaiah 6, conveying both fire and snake. Now, why are these two connected? Why would snakes and fire be associated with each other? Well, some snake venom (such as that of a cobra), can cause a “burning” sensation. Thus, it would make sense for Seraphim, which were depicted as serpentine, to likewise be associated with fire.

Curiously, Ashna’s depiction of Seraphim lack wings. This is at odds with most depictions, including another that, like Ashna’s, bears similarities with the vision in Isaiah 6. However, there is something else that’s curious about Ashna’s Seraphim. If you look at them closely, the area between their heads and lower bodies are very wide, wider than the rest of their bodies. Its almost as if this section of their bodies are…expanding.

Sounds so familiar…

As I mentioned earlier, cobra’s have a “fiery” venom. They also have skin flanges that can expand, making it look larger than it actually is. True, Cobras don’t have wings, but the things is, in the ancient world, a cobra’s skin flanges were called…wings.

Could this have been what Isaiah saw in his vision? Supernatural beings that took the form of flying cobras, each bearing six skin flanges, as well as hands and feet (perhaps even limbs)? Or did Ashna, upon hearing or reading this prophecy, take artistic license and depict the seraphim as supernatural cobras? Its interesting to note that the biblical seraphim share many similarities with the Uraeus Serpent of Egyptian myth. This mythic cobra war originally an eye of Ra. Ra took this eye out of his head and turned it into a goddess. Later, he put it on his crown and turned it into a cobra (which had characteristics of two real life cobra species). Though this cobra symbolized the goddess Wadjet (as well as kingship), both Sekhmet and Hathor were manifestations of this entity. Pharaohs had this serpent depicted on their crowns, and for good reason: Wadjet was a divine bodyguard of pharaohs, spitting fire at those that threatened them. This belief was held during the time when Pharaohs were thought to be manifestations of the God Ra. Thus, the Uraeus was also Ra’s protector. Now, this doesn’t mean that the Seraphim are purely imaginary beings inspired by the myth of the Uraeus. However, this Egyptian connection reveals the ancient near eastern historical and cultural context of the Isaiah Seraphim passages. The original readers and hearers of Isaiah chapter 6 would have seen these angels as serpentine throne guardians. Though God himself doesn’t actually need guards, he also doesn’t need humans to spread the gospel either, yet he uses them to do so.

The connection between serpents and the supernatural (including Seraphim) was noted in extra-biblical literature as well. In 1 Enoch, the terms “serpents” and “Seraphim” are used interchangeably. Likewise, The Visions of Amram, an ancient Aramaic text, describes a vision where the Prince of Darkness (i.e. Satan) appears…in serpentine form.

Cue Twilight Zone Music!

But what other evidence is there to show that the Serpent in the Garden was supernatural? What evidence actually links it to the Devil?

Read on…

2. THE DEVIL YOU KNOW…

There are two passages in the Old Testament that have interesting parallels with both the story of the Serpent and the Serpentine Seraphim of Isaiah, passages that are, to this day, thought by some to describe the Devil himself.

Ezekiel 28:1-19, and Isaiah 14:3-23.

At first glance, these passages seem to be about God passing judgment on a prince of Tyre and a Babylon king, respectively. And, to be fair, this is true, but…both passages are borrowing imagery from a far older tale, a tale about a fallen supernatural being, in order to do so.

First, let’s look at Isaiah 14:3-23:

“When the Lord has given you rest from your pain and turmoil and the hard service with which you were made to serve, you will take up this taunt against the king of Babylon:

“How the oppressor has ceased,

the insolent fury ceased!

The Lord has broken the staff of the wicked,

the scepter of rulers,

that struck the peoples in wrath

with unceasing blows,

that ruled the nations in anger

with unrelenting persecution.

The whole earth is at rest and quiet;

they break forth into singing.

The cypresses rejoice at you,

the cedars of Lebanon, saying,

‘Since you were laid low,

no woodcutter comes up against us.’

Sheol beneath is stirred up

to meet you when you come;

it rouses the shades to greet you,

all who were leaders of the earth;

it raises from their thrones

all who were kings of the nations.

All of them will answer

and say to you:

‘You too have become as weak as we!

You have become like us!’

Your pomp is brought down to Sheol,

the sound of your harps;

maggots are laid as a bed beneath you,

and worms are your covers.

“How you are fallen from heaven,

O Day Star, son of Dawn!

How you are cut down to the ground,

you who laid the nations low!

You said in your heart,

‘I will ascend to heaven;

above the stars of God

I will set my throne on high;

I will sit on the mount of assembly

in the far reaches of the north;

I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

I will make myself like the Most High.’

But you are brought down to Sheol,

to the far reaches of the pit.

Those who see you will stare at you

and ponder over you:

‘Is this the man who made the earth tremble,

who shook kingdoms,

who made the world like a desert

and overthrew its cities,

who did not let his prisoners go home?’

All the kings of the nations lie in glory,

each in his own tomb;[c]

but you are cast out, away from your grave,

like a loathed branch,

clothed with the slain, those pierced by the sword,

who go down to the stones of the pit,

like a dead body trampled underfoot.

You will not be joined with them in burial,

because you have destroyed your land,

you have slain your people.

“May the offspring of evildoers

nevermore be named!

Prepare slaughter for his sons

because of the guilt of their fathers,

lest they rise and possess the earth,

and fill the face of the world with cities.”

“I will rise up against them,” declares the Lord of hosts, “and will cut off from Babylon name and remnant, descendants and posterity,” declares the Lord. “And I will make it a possession of the hedgehog, and pools of water, and I will sweep it with the broom of destruction,” declares the Lord of hosts.”

You’ll notice that the being that the King of Babylon is being compared to is called “Daystar” in verse 12 (“Lucifer” in the King James Version). This is indicative of light, of radiating light or glowing, just like many other supernatural beings in scripture. Keep this in mind as we now look at Ezekiel 28:1-19:

“The word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, Thus says the Lord God:

“Because your heart is proud,

and you have said, ‘I am a god,

I sit in the seat of the gods,

in the heart of the seas,’

yet you are but a man, and no god,

though you make your heart like the heart of a god—

you are indeed wiser than Daniel;

no secret is hidden from you;

by your wisdom and your understanding

you have made wealth for yourself,

and have gathered gold and silver

into your treasuries;

by your great wisdom in your trade

you have increased your wealth,

and your heart has become proud in your wealth—

therefore thus says the Lord God:

Because you make your heart

like the heart of a god,

therefore, behold, I will bring foreigners upon you,

the most ruthless of the nations;

and they shall draw their swords against the beauty of your wisdom

and defile your splendor.

They shall thrust you down into the pit,

and you shall die the death of the slain

in the heart of the seas.

Will you still say, ‘I am a god,’

in the presence of those who kill you,

though you are but a man, and no god,

in the hands of those who slay you?

You shall die the death of the uncircumcised

by the hand of foreigners;

for I have spoken, declares the Lord God.”

A Lament over the King of Tyre

Moreover, the word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord God:

“You were the signet of perfection,

full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.

You were in Eden, the garden of God;

every precious stone was your covering,

sardius, topaz, and diamond,

beryl, onyx, and jasper,

sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle;

and crafted in gold were your settings

and your engravings.

On the day that you were created

they were prepared.

You were an anointed guardian cherub.

I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God;

in the midst of the stones of fire you walked.

You were blameless in your ways

from the day you were created,

till unrighteousness was found in you.

In the abundance of your trade

you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned;

so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God,

and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub,

from the midst of the stones of fire.

Your heart was proud because of your beauty;

you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.

I cast you to the ground;

I exposed you before kings,

to feast their eyes on you.

By the multitude of your iniquities,

in the unrighteousness of your trade

you profaned your sanctuaries;

so I brought fire out from your midst;

it consumed you,

and I turned you to ashes on the earth

in the sight of all who saw you.

All who know you among the peoples

are appalled at you;

you have come to a dreadful end

and shall be no more forever.”

Now, both of these passages in Isaiah and Ezekiel are obviously using the story of a fallen supernatural being to describe royals who sinned against God. Indeed, in Ezekiel’s passage, the Prince of Tyre is compared to a cherub, and Cherubim were supernatural entities (more on them later). Now, many bible scholars try to pass these two passages off as Adam himself, but…he just doesn’t fit with them. Among other things, Adam was a mortal man, not a Cherubim, and his job in the garden entailed keeping said garden, not acting as a divine throne guardian. Though he was tempted to eat the forbidden fruit, in order to become like “gods” (Hebrew Elohim, generally meaning a being from the spirit realm), knowing good and evil, he didn’t want to become higher than the stars of God (the Lord’s divine council). The passages fit better with a supernatural being instead of Adam.

But what kind of being was it?

Recall that Ezekiel 28:14 states that the being it is discussing is a cherub. Many people think of Cherubs or Cherubim as little babies or toddlers with wings, similar to depictions of the Roman God Cupid. However, the Biblical cherubim were anything but winged toddlers. Indeed, they not only pulled God’s chariot and guarded the Tree of Life, they were also divine throne guardians, creatures of vast power that were depicted in hybrid forms. The “living creatures” of Ezekiel 1 (Identified as Cherubim in Ezekiel 10:15) each had four faces (human, eagle, bull and lion), four wings, calves’ hooves for feet, and human hands under their wings (Ezekiel 1:1-14). In Ezekiel 10:14, the face of a bull is replaced with the face of a “Cherub”, perhaps implying that one of its faces was actually four faces in and of itself, human, bull, lion and eagle. Pagans in the ancient near east likewise knew of the Cherubim (Kuribu, an Akkadian word for throne guardian, is the source of the Hebrew word for Cherub), and they depicted them in various hybrid forms.

And…what was one of those forms?

A snake dragon.

Now, despite this similarity, there seems to be a problem: Ezekiel 28:14 states that this rebel being is a Cherubim, not a Seraphim. These are two kinds of angelic beings, right? They can’t actually be the same thing, right?

Wrong!

While Seraphims are a kind of angel, “Cherubim” represents a job that an angel can have. Its not indicative of a kind of a supernatural being, only a role that a supernatural being can attain. One might compare the position of Cherubim to that of a palace guard or secret service agent. Thus, the occupation was open to all kinds of angelic beings, including…Seraphim, which share serpentine imagery with some depictions of Cherubim.

The serpent imagery grows even stronger when we consider Ezekiel 28:12:

“Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord GOD: “You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.”

This passage has been…a bit of a pain in the butt to translate. The focus of this academic frustration is the term “signet of perfection” (in some translations “seal of perfection”). The Hebrew word used here for “signet” or “seal” (Chatham or Hotem)is…a bit of an odd fit in the passage. However, this conundrum could be solved if the last letter in this word, the Hebrew equivalent of an “m”…is silent. This actually occurs on rare occasions in ancient Semitic texts, with a “m” at the end of a word being rendered a silent letter. This doesn’t happen most of the time when an m is at the end of a word, but it was occasionally so. If this is what is intended in Ezekiel 28:12, if the last letter of hotem is meant to be silent…then the word takes on a far different meaning. You see, if the M is silent, then the word changes to “hwt”, which doesn’t mean “signet” or “seal”.

It means…snake.

Indeed, its another Hebrew word for snake.

Though we cannot prove with certainty that the “m” at the end of Hotem in this passage is meant to be silent, such a rendering would cure the headaches that this passage causes translators (as well as better fit the Edenic imagery in the passage). It would fix all the issues.

Interesting stuff for sure, but…are we really sure that the fallen rebel of Ezekiel 28 is the same as the fallen rebel of Isaiah 14? Can we really be sure that both have a connection to the Serpent in the Garden of Eden?

Well, let’s look at how these passages (along with Isaiah 6) compare:

1. All four chapters are in a Divine Council setting (Eden was thought to be a place where the Divine Council, composed of God and some angelic beings, were thought to meet).

2. All have inhuman intelligent beings talking.

3. While the Serpent is called “crafty” in Genesis 3:1, the Cherub in Ezekiel 28 is called “wise” (verse 12. Serpents were symbolic of wisdom in the ancient world (Matthew 10:16).

4. The Seraphim in Isaiah 6 are depicted as “fiery” (possibly indicating radiance). The Serpent is “The Shining One”. The rebel being in Isaiah 14 is called “Day-star” and “son of Dawn (verse 12), both of which connote shining light. The rebel in Ezekiel 28 is said to be covered in multiple precious stones (which of course shine. These could also be metaphorical for scales).

5. Ezekiel 28:13-14 identifies the Garden of Eden with a Mountain. This fits the ancient near eastern context; in that age and region, gods were thought to live in either gardens or mountains. The rebel in Isaiah 14 talks about sitting on the “mount of assembly” in the far north (Isaiah 14:13). Eden was thought to have been where the Divine Council met on Earth.

6. The Rebel in Ezekiel 28 was brought to the ground and turned to ashes on the earth (verses 17-18. Keep in mind, the Hebrew word for ground here, “eres” can also mean Sheol, the Hebrew Underworld, which was thought to be below ground). The Rebel in Isaiah 14 was sent down to Sheol (verse 15). Isaiah 26:19 refers to the spirits of the dead as “dwelling in dust”. Job 17:16 likewise links Sheol and dust. Keep in mind, dust and ashes have some morphological similarities. Also keep in mind that ashes are of course linked with fire (the fiery nature of the Seraphim comes to mind). The Serpent in Eden was made to crawl on its belly (thus cast to Earth, which can also denote Sheol), and eat dust (dust was thought to have been cuisine for the spirits of the dead in the Underworld, as seen in the Epic of Gilgamesh).

7. Both the rebels in Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14 are noted for their pride, which came before their fall (Ezekiel 28:1, 17, Isaiah 14:13-16).

8. The Serpent, as well as the rebels of Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, were humiliated (Perhaps, in the Serpent’s case, in more ways than one. Keep reading…).

Now, if anyone has read my anti-Jesus Mythicist articles, you’ll know that I often say that parallels, in and of themselves, are not indicative of one story or text borrowing from another. This is true, but in this case, we have evidence that both Ezekiel and Isaiah were writing down prophecies that drew imagery from the story of the Garden of Eden (Ezekiel 28:13 even mentions Eden!!!). The same Hebraic culture that gave us the story of the Serpent in Genesis also gave us the prophecies of Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, and when we see these multiple connections with four passages (including serpentine imagery), along with their ancient near eastern historical and cultural background, we can conclude that the prophecies of Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 are not only about the same fallen rebel being, but that both are harkening back to the story of the Garden of Eden, to a supernatural rebel that fell.

The only being that fits such a bill in the Genesis account…is the serpent.

Combined with evidence from the New Testament, second temple Jewish texts, and ancient depictions of Cherubim and Seraphim…we can finally understand the Satanic candidacy for the identity of the Serpent of Eden.

But, given this is the case, how can this be reconciled with passages like Genesis 2:19, 3:1 and 3:14, which together seem to indicate that the Serpent is an animal?

Read on…

3. SUPERNATURAL...OR NATURAL?

One way people have tried to reconcile these two factors is by stating that the serpent was a real snake that was possessed by Satan. However, whenever Jesus encountered people that were possessed, he didn’t rebuke the person who was possessed; he rebuked the demons who were within the person (Mark 5:1-20, Luke 4:33-36, 9:37-43, etc). Why would God judge a snake, instead of the demon that possessed it? Others may say that it was a real (albeit HIGHLY unusual) snake that, like Judas, was influenced by the Devil to carry out his deed. The Bible states that Satan “entered” Judas (Luke 22:3, John 13:27). This need not be interpreted as literally demonic possession. Instead, it could be figurative, the Devil influencing Judas to betray Christ (Jesus already noted that Judas as “a devil” (John 6:70-71). Indeed, before the Devil had “entered” Judas, he had put the idea of betraying Christ in Judas’ heart (John 13:2, compare a similar passage about Ananias in Acts 5:3). Thus, Satan was encouraging, tempting Judas to take the bait, and at one moment during the last supper…he gave in to the Devil’s prodding. Likewise, the Serpent, according to this idea, likewise gave in to temptation. Indeed, one could imagine the Devil making him talk the way God made Balaam’s Donkey talk (Numbers 22:22-30). He could potentially do this without possessing the serpent, just as God made Balaam’s donkey talk without possessing him. However, Revelation 12:9 states that the Serpent WAS Satan, not simply a serpent that Satan empowered. Now, if one wants to argue that Judas was indeed possessed by Satan when the scripture states that he entered him, then one could argue that, while Judas was already committed to carrying out his deed, Satan later possessed him to join in on the “fun”. Is this what happened to the Serpent? Had he already decided to deceive Eve, only for Satan to later literally enter him, joining in the effort? Could both theories, in this regard, be true?

Well, if so, then we have to explain how a snake would have the intelligence to think such a course through, and how it could actually talk (Eve obviously wasn’t shocked that it could, implying that she had heard it talk before). Even if Satan had possessed the serpent before, making it talk to the point where Eve didn’t find it shocking, this wouldn’t explain the serpent plotting Adam and Eve’s ultimate demise before Satan entered him (remember, Judas plotted his betrayal of Christ before Satan entered him). This implies a superb intelligence that was in the serpent before this possession could happen. Thus, in order for this idea to work, we may have to invoke the existence of a cryptoterrestrial, an inhuman intelligent lifeform native to Earth. The late Mac Tonnies, an author and blogger, wrote about the subject in his book “The cryptoterrestrials: A Meditation on Indigenous Humanoids and the Aliens Among Us”.

In it, he argued that supposed Extraterrestrials (like Greys and other aliens supposedly encountered by eyewitnesses) were not from other planets, but from Earth. In his view, such creatures would be non-human sentient species native to our own world. This concept is not really new, with many stories in folklore and myth telling about physical, intelligent creatures that are inhuman (such as cyclops, centaurs, trolls, dwarves, etc). Most, if not all fantasy books, and most Fantasy films, such as the Lord of the Rings trilogy, has the same basic concept (orcs, elves, hobbits, Ents, etc, all non-human intelligent species).

So…are we really going with the cryptoterrestrial hypothesis? Was there a species of sentient snake in the ancient world? Is it still around today, lurking in the shadows, undetected by modern science? It sounds like something out of a science fiction novel! I mean, can we get any weirder here?

Actually…we can!

You see, we could also perhaps invoke the idea that the serpent was a genetic mutant, a freak who was born with both an unusual brain and advanced vocal cords that enabled speech. Or we could invoke that God made a single snake with these features in the Garden.

However, I don’t think we don’t necessarily need to invoke mutants and cryptoterrestrials to figure out what the Serpent was.

We can simply use metaphor to do that.

Ben Stanhope, a biblical scholar, has stated that a double meaning is in view in the story of the serpent. Wordplay, rhetorical parallels and metaphor is in use, a “flesh and blood snake” being paralleled with the tempter’s (originally) noble, yet serpentine, nature. Thus, we shouldn’t interpret the passage literally as referring to a flesh and blood snake. The context thus cannot be used to argue for the Serpent to be a flesh and blood animal.

This not only solves the issues with Revelation 12:9, it also solves the issue of Genesis 2:19, where it talks of animals being made out of the ground, harkening back to Genesis 1:24-25 (it would be highly unlikely for all the animals in the garden to actually be angels in disguise. Indeed, at least some angels were created before the creation week of Genesis 1 began (compare Genesis 1:1-2 with Job 38:4-11, note especially verses 8-11). Indeed, being made from the ground or dust can convey mortality, thus being made out of the mortal world or realm, something with doesn’t jive with supernatural beings who live forever.

However, there is another, intriguing way that the supernatural interpretation of the Serpent with Genesis 2:19 can be reconciled, a way that could shed light on the Serpent’s motivation.

Keep reading…

4. THE OAKS OF MAMRE.

Although God is spirit (John 4:24), and although angels are spirits, there are at times in the Bible where both appear in physical form. God and two of his angels met up with Abraham near the Oaks of Mamre (Genesis 18:1-2). When Abraham saw them, he immediately knew that one of them was God, laying in prostrate and praying to him (Genesis 18:2-3). God and his angels enjoyed Abraham’s hospitality, who gave them bread, beef, curds, milk and water, the latter to wash their feet with (Genesis 18:4-8).

Now…did you catch something funny going on here?

God, and two angels…are not only eating and drinking…they are washing their own feet.

How can spirits eat?

How can they wash their feet, when they are pure spirit beings, not physical?

Course, God, being omnipotent, could do these things, as well as enable lesser spirits to do them, but, keep in mind, one reason why Jesus ate in front of his disciples after the resurrection is to prove that he wasn’t a spirit (Luke 24:36-43). Indeed, one way God could enable spirits to eat and wash their feet is if he created temporary bodies for them to inhabit.

Later, the two angels went to Sodom, where Lot showed them hospitality as well, and once again they…ate (Genesis 19:3). Indeed, they seem to have physical hands, which they used to grab and pull Lot inside his home as an angry crowd stood outside, wanting to rape the angels (Genesis 19:4-10). Later, they use these same hands to drag Lot, his wife and their two daughters out of Sodom (Genesis 19:15-16).

There were other episodes in the Old Testament were God himself took on a physical form. He appeared to Minoah and his wife, the parents of Samson, before the latter was even conceived (Judges 13). Likewise, he wrestled with Jacob in Genesis 32:22-30. We know that the being that Jacob wrestled with was God because of what Jacob said in verse 30:

“So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”

Now, at first, this seems to contradict Hosea 12:4, which states that Jacob wrestled an angel. However, the “angel” in Hosea 12:4 is no mere angel, but a mysterious being known in other parts of the bible as the “Angel of the Lord”. While the term can refer to a regular angel, it also can refer to God in physical form. In the story of Minoah, the Angel of the Lord was the one who visited them. After Minoah made a burnt offering, their unusual guest rose up into the flames (Judges 13:20).

We read something very startling in verses 21-23:

“The angel of the Lord appeared no more to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that he was the angel of the Lord. And Manoah said to his wife, “We shall surely die, for we have seen God.” But his wife said to him, “If the Lord had meant to kill us, he would not have accepted a burnt offering and a grain offering at our hands, or shown us all these things, or now announced to us such things as these.” (emphasis mine).

Now, compare this to Jacob, who called the site of his wrestling match with God “Peniel”, for he had seen the face of God…and lived. God told Moses that none could see his face and live (33:20), but that seemingly meant seeing the full spiritual face of God, not the face of a human body that God made to walk among men in.

Kind of makes you think about Jesus, how he was God in the flesh, and none died seeing his face…

…Um…you connecting the dots here…?

Oh, and by the way: remember that passage in Hosea 12:4? The context of that passage is very enlightening:

“The LORD has an indictment against Judah and will punish Jacob according to his ways; he will repay him according to his deeds. In the womb he took his brother by the heel, and in his manhood he strove with God.” (Emphasis mine).

He strove with God…in his manhood?

Just like it says in Genesis 32:30?

Get out of town!

Thus, God took on human form now and again in the Old Testament. Case closed, no problem.

However, when it comes to angels taking on physical bodies…some see a problem.

Remember when I mentioned Jesus eating fish before his disciples, so that they could believe? He also told them to touch and feel his resurrected body, noting that spirits don’t have flesh and bones (verse 39). To be fair, the disciples thought that they were seeing a ghost, not an angel, but along with this, Jesus ate a fish, to further show that he wasn’t a spirit.

Angels, in the stories of Sodom and the Oaks of Mamre, could eat. They appeared in physical form…

Thus, this opens up the door to the accusation that Jesus wasn’t really before the disciples, but a demon in disguise who was trying to lead them astray. If all angels, including demons, can make and inhabit a physical body, then the proofs Jesus made for his resurrection, that he himself has risen from the dead…mean nothing.

However, this is not an issue if we not only consider that only God and God alone is the creator (angels can’t create living tissue. None are gods, let alone creator gods), but that God can create bodies for angels to inhabit. Angels can’t do it on their own; they need God to make the bodies for them. And why would God do demons any favors by making bodies for them? Thus, there is no conflict between stories of angels in human bodies in Genesis, and Jesus saying in the Gospel of Luke that spirits don’t have flesh and blood bodies.

So, if a spirit wants to take on physical form, they have two choices:

1. Possess people (Without God’s aid to make a body for them, how else would demons take physical shape?).

2. Have a body created by God.

And if God can create human bodies for angels to inhabit…why couldn’t he make animal bodies for them to inhabit?

Recall how Seraphim and Cherubim took on hybrid forms? Though they merely appeared as such while in supernatural form, is it too much of a stretch of the imagination that God might, if he desired, give them animal bodies to inhabit? Perhaps even hybrid bodies?

Could the Devil, before the Fall, have been given a physical body by God to inhabit?

A…serpent’s body?

And if so…for what reason?

Perhaps…punishment for sinful pride.

Recall that in both Ezekiel 28 and Isaiah 14, Satan’s pride is noted. Let’s look closely at the verses that mention this:

“Son of man, say to the prince of Tyre, Thus says the Lord GOD: “Because your heart is proud, and you have said, ‘I am a god, I sit in the seat of the gods, in the heart of the seas,’ yet you are but a man, and no god, though you make your heart like the heart of a god” Ezekiel 28:2 (remember, the prince of Tyre is being described in the imagery of Satan’s fall).

“Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you.” Ezekiel 28:17

“You said in your heart,

‘I will ascend to heaven;

above the stars of God

I will set my throne on high;

I will sit on the mount of assembly

in the far reaches of the north;

14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;

I will make myself like the Most High.” Isaiah 14:13-14

In the latter passage, Satan wanted to be above the “stars of God” (angels were at times called “stars” in the Bible (Revelation 12:3-4). He wanted a high throne, wanting to sit on the mount of assembly (the meeting place of the Divine Council, which at this time was in the Garden of Eden, located on a mountain). He also wanted to make himself like the “Most High”, like God himself. This indicates both unleashed pride and unrestricted ambition. He not only wanted on the divine council, he wanted to have equal standing with God. Now, surprisingly, I wouldn’t be shocked if God allowed Satan to work his way to the divine council, despite his sinful reasons for wanting on it. After all, Jesus allowed Judas into his movement, knowing that he was figuratively speaking “a devil” (John 6:70-71). Indeed, Judas, who was in charge of Jesus’ ministry money, would take some of that money for himself (John 12:6). Obvious Jesus, being omniscient, would have known this, but he’s not shown as confronting Judas about it. Still, Judas probably cringed every time Jesus brought up sin, both in sermons and in lessons to his disciples, feeling condemnation for his wickedness from the Son of God, who all-to-well knew of his dark secret. Likewise, I could see God not condemning Satan’s pride right off the bat, perhaps even allowing him to join the Divine Council despite his growing wicked nature. However…God very well could have eventually called him out on it, indeed perhaps punishing him for his sin.

And what better way to punish the pride of Lucifer…than making him inhabit the body of a lowly snake, one specifically created by God for him?

Keep in mind, animals were brought before Adam, who named them (Genesis 2:19). If there is no metaphor in his description, then the Serpent would have had to be one of these animals. This is key to understanding his actions, for in the ancient world, if a person named someone or something, it indicated that he had ownership and rule over that person or thing. When Nebuchadnezzar first conquered Judah, (before he invaded a second time, destroying Jerusalem in 586 BC), he replaced King Jehoiachin with his uncle Mattaniah, renaming him Zedekiah (2 Kings 24:17). This implied that King “Zedekiah” was under the authority of King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon. It was a way to show who was really top dog. Zedekiah was a vassal king, Nebuchadnezzar was his emperor. Likewise, if Adam, a mortal man lower than the angels…had named the serpent, it would imply that he had dominion over the serpent, just as he had dominion over every other animal.

If this is what truly happened, then the serpent’s actions start to make sense. If Satan, a being that wanted to be on the Divine Council, who eventually got there, who wanted to be higher than all the other Bene Elohim, who wanted to be equal with God…was made lower than a flesh and blood human being, who had nowhere near as much power or intelligence as he did…well, of course that would tick him off! Have you ever had your parents tell you that you had to obey your younger sibling while doing a chore, as a punishment? My father did this to my older brother, putting me in charge of an errand we were doing at an apartments complex. I…didn’t take advantage of my newfound power, not wanting my older brother to later pound me into a pancake, so I did my best to be kind. Thankfully, my brother didn’t get irate with me despite my nice attitude over the situation, but he was still steaming over it.

Now imagine how Satan would feel, if he was suddenly not only in the body of an animal, but made subject to a mere man?

Indeed, there is evidence to show that humans were likewise supposed to have been a part of the Divine Council, which likewise would have potentially made Satan scoff. I could just imagine him complaining about this: “Humans, these weak, pitiful things, on OUR divine council? What is God thinking? What could they possibly bring to our highly intelligent discussions? What kind of input could they possibly give? Why, eventually, with humans eventually breeding in great numbers, there could be countless humans on our council, perhaps one day outnumbering us! This can’t be allowed to pass…”

This humiliation, combined with humans intended by God to sit on the divine council along with angelic beings, could have motivated the Serpent into action. His pride was hurt, and the council that he sat on was, possibly in his view, threatened by the addition of what the incredible Hulk would call, “puny humans”.

How could his pride be healed?

How could he get revenge, at both mankind and God?

How could he “save” his beloved Divine Council?

Simple: cause Adam and Eve to fall.

Thus, the motive for the Serpent’s actions become quite clear.

Indeed, this may even partially explain the underworld imagery, with the serpent being cast to the earth (possibly underworld) and made to “eat dust”; instead of simply being removed from the snake body, perhaps God literally killed it, giving Satan not only the death of a “lowly” physical creature, but then sending him (for a time) into Sheol, the Underworld.

Now, I’m not saying that this is exactly what happened; I’m simply proposing a theory. Indeed, the other theory that the Serpent is being compared to earthly snakes, and being grouped in the animal kingdom, is metaphorical is a strong possibility. However, the idea that Satan was made a lowly serpent, one that was submissive to humans, creatures which God intended to join the Divine Council…happens to fit the facts like a glove. It is revelatory when it comes to the Serpent’s motives. It gives a criminal motive for him, indeed more than one.

Nevertheless, whether one accepts that the language of Genesis 3 for the Serpent is metaphorical, or whether one accepts that Satan was made to inhabit a snake’s body, either way, the biblical, cultural and historical evidence all point to the same conclusion; the Serpent in the Garden was…indeed…the Devil.

Hence, why the first messianic prophecy is found in its story.

5. THE WOMAN’S SEED…

The relationship between Eve and the Serpent is a very complicated one. Not only did the Serpent approach Eve instead of Adam (Genesis 3:1), but, when God later interrogated Adam and Eve, the latter was the one who put the partial blame on the Serpent, saying that the serpent deceived her (Genesis 3:13). God judged the Serpent, then Eve, then Adam (Genesis 3:14-19). As I mentioned this before, this created an inverted parallel, with Adam blaming Eve, Eve blaming the Serpent, and yet…God judges the Serpent first, then Eve, then Adam. Taken together, we see three parts of this passage where Eve and the Serpent are closely associated.

However, if you look more closely, you’ll see a fourth:

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” Genesis 3:15

This part of the Serpent’s sentence is very peculiar. Once again, he is paired with Eve, this time with a prophetic statement that shows that enmity will be not only between the Serpent and Eve, but between their offspring. When it comes to Satan, he has no biological offspring (unless he fathered some of the post-flood Nephilim without for some reason suffering the same fate as the angels who fathered them before the Flood (Compare Genesis 6:1-4 and Numbers 13:33. The angels who mated with mortal women and sired Nephilim offspring before the Flood are currently bound in chains in the Underworld, not free to roam like Lucifer (Jude 1:6, 1 Peter 3:19-20 (For more info on this, see sources section below on “the IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament”). However, humans who live lives of sin can be figuratively called Satan’s children (1 John 3:10), and, of course, demons who follow him could also be called, in this sense, his “offspring”. Thus, Eve’s “seed” isn’t just a reference to all mankind: it’s a reference to those who follow the Lord properly.

However, there is a deeper meaning here.

Did you notice that, though enmity will exist between the Serpent and Eve, and between his offspring and hers…that the Serpent himself will eventually clash with one of Eve’s offspring? Look at the passage again:

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” Genesis 3:15

This is indicative of a future conflict between the Serpent and one of Eve’s offspring. One would have expected the Serpent to be shown in conflict with Eve, with both being listed as ultimate ancestors of offspring right before the combat or dual language in the verse. And yet…one of Eve’s offspring, a male descendant, will engage in battle with the Serpent.

Who would this descendant be?

Who would clash with the Devil?

Which descendant of Eve was killed by the Devil’s schemes…only to defeat the Devil in return?

Hmmm…

As I mentioned earlier, Satan put the idea of betraying Jesus in Judas’ heart, only to later enter said heart, reinforcing his resolve (John 13:2, 27 (see also Luke 22:3). Satan had gotten the ball rolling when it came to Jesus’ execution. He had planned it, set it up, strategized it, somehow knowing that Jesus wouldn’t resist. We don’t know what Satan was thinking exactly, but he thought he was about to win some battle of revenge against almighty God, that he was going to somehow bring about God’s defeat. He wouldn’t have thought that he could overthrow God or replace him on his throne, becoming the new God, but he must have had an idea that somehow, his plan would give himself some kind of triumph over the lord.

He thought wrong.

“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.” Hebrews 2:14-15

Before Christ’s death and resurrection, the Devil held sway over humanity. Satan had guaranteed spiritual death for Adam, Eve and their descendants, ending humanity’s untarnished relationship with God, end our chance at eternal life (Genesis 3:14-24). But Jesus’ death and resurrection ended his spiritual stranglehold on humanity. It was the greatest backfire in history. Jesus indicated that this was coming before he was crucified, stating that a judgment was coming, and that “…now will the ruler of this world be cast out.” (John 12:31). This was the reason that he had come into the world (1 John 3:8), not to condemn the world, but to save the world (John 3:17). Though Paul called Satan the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4), and though John stated that the whole world was under Satan’s power (1 John 5:19), anyone who accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior can leave his authority, becoming a child of God instead of a child of darkness (Acts 28:16). God has freed us from Satan’s kingdom, making us citizens of Jesus’ everlasting kingdom (Colossians 1:13).

Thus, Satan caused Christ’s death…which lead to Satan’s downfall. Though his kingdom on earth still exists, it crumbles more and more everyday as the gospel continues to spread, as more and more people accept Christ as Lord and savior. The moment a person accepts Jesus into their heart, they defeat the Devil through Christ. Just as Jesus crushed the Serpent’s head at the cross and the empty tomb, we likewise crush the Serpent’s head when we accept Jesus into our hearts and lives.

This brings us to the second meaning on Genesis 3:15.

Paul makes a reference to this passage in Romans 16:20, adding a bit of a twist to it:

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.”

By Jesus, we can defeat the Devil. Through Jesus, we can overcome the Prince of Darkness. Greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world (1 John 4:4). Though the final defeat of the Devil is in the future, whenever we accept Jesus as our lord and savior, we likewise crush the Serpent’s head. We succeed where Adam and Eve failed, courtesy of Christ. Though Jesus, we can overcome the Devil, we can overcome the world.

Through Jesus, we have victory.

Sources:

“Supernatural” by Michael S. Heiser, 35-41, 124-136, 147-55, 163-67

“The Unseen World” by Michael S. Heiser, 44-55, 73-109, 183-93, 221-228

“Demons” by Michael S. Heiser, 59-145, 175-94

“The Way to Eternity: Egyptian Myth” by Fergus Fleming and Alan Lothian (Consultant: Dr. Joann Fletcher), 28, 103

“The IVP Bible Background Commentary: Old Testament” by John H. Walton, Victor H. Matthews and Mark W. Chavalas, 32, 33 (compare latter with 411).

“The IVP Bible Background Commentary: New Testament” (Second edition), by Craig S. Keener, 694, 721

“The Hebrew Bible: A Translation With Commentary (Volume 2: the Prophets)” by Robert Alter,641, 671

“The New Strong’s Expanded Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible: Red Letter Edition” by James Strong LL.D S.T.D., and John R. Kohlenberger, III, 776 and 789 of the concordance, 101 and 292 of the Hebrew and Aramaic Dictionary

“Josephus: the Complete Works”, translated by William Whiston, A.M., 34-35

https://mfa.gov.il/mfa/aboutisrael/history/pages/history-%20the%20second%20temple.aspx

https://www.bibleodyssey.org/en/tools/timeline-gallery/s/second-temple-judaism

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn9020-oldest-snake-fossil-shows-a-bit-of-leg/

https://www.ualberta.ca/folio/2019/11/commentary--extraordinary-skull-fossil-reveals-secrets-of-snake-evolution.html#:~:text=Fossil%20history,where%20the%20fossils%20were%20discovered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72T2bW8bkfA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO13BSSjsYU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2LCTQHMUI&t=880s

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/30-6.htm

https://biblehub.com/isaiah/14-29.htm

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4925324/

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the-firebird69 · 3 years

Text

new idea bja can do the commercial prob was this one. was...you date her again it goes awry she says we cool it for a while you go on the boronn, yell come on!! and at a marked place and say it again...yell please take me back no your a monster....so you dissappear read smoke some fire, and are i hell right back onthe date sight, ad then,,,,what bja asks...she no another girl is there...he reads it sees her video and then they show her prep the fvideo changes to make it from the first girl...weonderful i do it bja says...and your cut...well, lets say mac and you should see it is a commercial and if only florida and an idea and partially written...so we get it a ghost writer they make smallmoney yes...and tiny no but small mr fed..? tons no. about ten grand a commercial whole concetp this idea rainks up there due to its content believabitlity reality ad homeliness wholsome too but we look evil and it is great tos love it i say let it roll...we need itup mac says we do bja adds. fun too it is his brothers chracter ad mine so fame...justin wants to be the Avatar maybe yes we can. on the site and istructional....he laughs and i change right yes.. clothes lol. ok ok maybe the horn thig to be hellboy the movie starts too...ok we get it fun. cut them down and then ohhh ok we lk it though hellboy has bja stops .....no it hasnt we just started it all now...we use it now it is fun but real. and we saw it as opportunity too...we use it..Thor states..and Freya...we send you a check caa and for the full amount owed on this commercial for the site. you will see how iit is for us...mac he says really, look at the buggers after ken had money and we see fags losers traitors for 500 and a threat not worth looking ad reverse always so we see. mac2 says and it is on the way...need a 2 there big guy. hahaha what a funny commercial, bja says. yeh the next one in the series....she rejects him says he is far too horny he thinks it is the horns searches again, but vanishes ina crowded restaraunt....gets online and she is different...and near the Hellboy fire lady...i agree we do this more for him it is awesome a leed in and his 5 and ten minute prequels started alrady nobody makes a dime.we can and send royalties need to bja says Zues Hera and we shall see we need to as well..if you can bja and mac and billium. Thor Freya we use it but wow this is fun he is creative..and neat a genius and fun...but rude these are intense ideas...so intense...and then on the outside it is makup...and he says it...inside lore and fun and ppl dig it and deeper satanic things they are abhorant into it. surprised we are not steeped so much...thinks biden might be he says yes my arena. they are laxed now cant be. this proves it the dolt asks for it but ok...and we see Hell iis no place for children and we agree it is not you asking for it but us. w e do this need to. Hell is at our door...tons call him characers he is not and it is hell. this one not hiis t is dave bja and scunner....and we think taylor. yes. and mac2 they fight over it and he will get some funds he thinks mac usually pays bills i see i do and wen i can this guy in the way horrid. wei will help oddlly enough we see he will. odd commercial hewas involved and i see he was it is in my notes he is th devil ask himon a date but not htis context he was angry no my idea real..and we used it differently ok ok...and Scunner hasnt shown we think says he does on set off and on. wow ok we see. risky and she does to they try to line up no it is her...wow ok fun Zues Hera and whoah we see this is cool we ssee it you two do the talking and we rule now they are intersted...and he says well, a new Valentines day candy line yes and the first one heat, and hot...ours..i say heat you say hot...hot lovin and mine heat up lovin....and we have special shapes and i will send mac2 papwerwork..he agrees. sees it and it is ok. why me im th actor ok that is why bja but ok you did wrok we cut you in. i want the whole thing ok we see a better almost role no. i see it im in and on your side mac not his..i get that ok good. heart with a bite out of it his first mine is a heart with a big bite, lol and red stuff, he adds red stuff..ok and we say been done well the teeth are different.. and red velvet devils...same size for the bite...and fits...we get it fun. red velvet chocolate it is burgandy...nice touch. a few hot spicy ones...no way..lol. like theose things you have in your mouth are sweet and then hot not hot balls...but similar...candy canes hmm candy horns yes....and teeth. and Valantines knife in it somewhere from attack on Titan. we see it now wow. are on it now we sign and you sign w me only bja..no dealing w tghem i request ad i agree. Thor Freya all Olympus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTmozhwk9rw

0 notes

normanandcaliban · 6 years

Photo

Bar Crawl

Music: “Your Light” by Yoe Mase

“ID, please.”

Norman casually produced the small, rectangular piece of plastic and gave it to the bouncer. The dude was one intimidatingly massive demon with cloven hooves where feet and shoes should be. Every inch of the guy oozed bouncer stereotype (tall, big arms, big chest, icy stare, cold demeanor), but the tight-fitting “Super Mario Bros” t-shirt he was wearing threw off his tough-guy fengshui. Norman fought back a grin, trying not to give away his thoughts. The last thing he needed was to be kicked out of the first bar of the evening. He still had so much exploring to do since this was his first time visiting Hell.

The bar’s neon “Beercade” sign overhead cast a yellow glow over everyone waiting in line behind Cal. Norman had never been to an arcade bar before. Cal said this was the place to come for the best local beer. Norman was more of a rum and coke kinda guy, but beer sounded great when Cal originally proposed the idea.

While the large, green demon checked his credentials, Norman’s eyes drifted up to the beast’s large, black, curvy horns. The way they twisted in a sturdy spiral reminded Norman of a mountain ram. Norman wondered if he ever kicked out disgruntled bar patrons by smashing into them headfirst.

The demon caught him staring and raised an eyebrow. “You need something, bub?”

Cal’s hands clasped Norman's shoulders from behind, making him jump. He poked his head past Norman’s left shoulder and addressed the bouncer, “No, we’re good, Ron. Sorry, it’s his first time in the Furnace so everything is still pretty...new.” Cal planted a peck on Norman’s cheek and gave him a noogie.

The “Furnace” is what native demons referred to as Hell’s main dimension. Cal brought Norman to Pandemonium, the capital of Hell and heart of the Furnace, to introduce him to demonic culture. As they exited the portal from Earth to Hell, he best described the bustling, satanic metropolis by calling it “an infernal version of New York City.” When the city came into view, Norman’s jaw dropped. The resemblance was unmistakably New York-ish with a dash of hellfire, exposed brickwork, and thousands of screaming, writhing souls of the damned. Skyscrapers grew out of the ground as far as the eye could see and stretched all the way up into the black, tar-like, starless sky. Taxis, cars, and other vehicles packed the streets, making any mode of transportation other than walking a pain in the ass. Flying was also an option for most since several demon species had wings, but Cal said most demons shy away from it due to all the construction and demolition hazards in the downtown area. Dozens of bars, coffee shops, and retail stores littered the bases of every skyscraper. Various demons, creatures, ghosts, ghouls, and undead hustled to and fro in the clustered madness that was Pandemonium’s downtown nightlife.

Cal tried to give Norman another noogie. He rolled his eyes and tried to shrug Cal off. The bouncer, aka Ron, smiled at their playful banter. He cleared his throat, politely coaxing them to stop, “Yeah, I know how it is. My girlfriend is human, too. We’ve been together two years and she still gawks a bit whenever she comes to visit. The Furnace can be a lot to take in all at once.” He checked the identification one more time before extending it back to Norman. “Here’s your ID back, dude.” He gave a nod to Cal. “Have fun you two.”

“We will! Thanks Ron, good to see you again.” Cal smiled back. He casually grabbed Norman’s butt and gave it a squeeze then walked through the door without ever showing Ron his own ID. Norman let loose the grin he’d been holding back and shook his head at Cal. Must be nice to have connections, He thought to himself. He wished he had something like that when he was still a minor.

He was thinking of ways to pay Cal back for that public ass grab when he stepped through the tinted glass door and gasped. The interior of the Bar was laced with intricate woodwork from floor to ceiling. The wood was clearly recycled, but sanded down and molded to fit perfectly in every corner. It looked like something straight out of a boujee architecture magazine. At the far left was the main bar with tap nozzles, shelves of fancy liquor, and a painted version of the “Beercade” sign from outside. On the right sat arcade-style video game machines stacked back-to-back all the way to the patio and emergency exit doors. There was Pac-Man, Galaga, Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros, various racing games, and even skee-ball. Norman felt like he’d stepped back in time to the 80s.

Dozens of demons crowded around the main bar counter, ordering various glowing liquids, beers, and shots. Some of the drinks smoked ominous gases while others screeched earsplitting cries of intangible babble. Norman swore he even saw one of the drinks try to crawl its way out of a martini glass. He glanced around, trying to locate his boyfriend, when a familiar red hand shot up through the crowd and waved at him frantically. Norman squeezed his way between a very intoxicated rock golem and a succubus with ginormous boobs to find Cal saving the only two remaining barstools at the counter. He beckoned Norman to come sit.

“Hey you, what d’ya want to drink?” Cal asked as Norman pulled up in the stool next to him.

“I don’t know.” Norman replied casually. “What’s good? I don’t normally drink beer, so order something for me. I trust your judgement.”

Cal grinned. “You got it!” He turned to the nearest bartender and shouted over the noise of the crowd, “Hey Ryali, two Pitchforks over here!” She nodded and gave a thumbs up.

Pitchfork?

“What’s Pitchfork?” Norman chuckled. What an a-typical demonic beer name. It was almost so corny that it was a perfect fit. He was excited to try it.

“Only the best brew to ever touch your mortal lips. It’s made from dragon’s blood.”

Norman grimaced, “Dragon’s blood? I don't know if I can stomach that...”

“Oh no no no, not actual dragon’s blood. Dragon’s Blood. It’s a type of hop plant grown in Erebos. It gives the beer its unique flavor. Ah! Here we go.” He took two sweating, ice-cold beer cans from the bartender. “Thanks Ryali!” The demoness smiled, nodded again, and winked at Norman with her third eye, making him cringe a bit. Cal laughed and handed Norman his beer. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing you squirm.”

“Oh shut up and drink your beer.” Norman snarked as he popped the tab on his can. Air hissed out of the opening when the metal punctured the seal.

Cal held out his can to propose a toast. “Here’s to new beginnings and cute guys.” He winked.

“Uh-huh, suuure. And here’s to us.” Norman retorted.

“To us.” Cal agreed, clanking his can on Norman’s.

The cold can chilled Norman’s lips. The first surge of beer hit his tastebuds and sent waves of bitter, tangy flavor through his senses.

“Damn! That’s good beer!” He exclaimed, sitting back to marvel the can with new insight.

“Told you.” Cal responded. “Hey, Ryali! Another round over here!”

Norman looked over at Cal and found his beer completely empty. His eyebrows shot to the roof of his forehead. “We’ve had these in our hands for exactly one minute! Did you just chug that?!”

Cal grinned, showing off his fangs, and wagged his eyebrows. “They didn’t crown me ‘Beer Chugging Champ’ in college for nothing! It’s all in the gag reflex.” He flexed his biceps in a display of sarcastic, manly macho-ness.

“Is that so?” Norman cocked an eyebrow as Ryali brought Cal the next round of beer. The demon eagerly opened his second can and began gulping down a good portion of it. Norman returned to sipping his first beer and added with sexual fervor, “I can think of something else you should be chugging right about now...”

Cal choked, sending spurts of alcohol flying out of his nose and mouth. Ryali, the two other bartenders, and several people around Norman and Cal stared for a moment then started laughing. Norman joined in as Cal got a towel to clean up the mess he made on himself and the counter.

“That’s for grabbing my ass earlier.” Norman chided, sticking his tongue out at Cal.

“You bastard.” Cal laughed, wiping beer from his face and shirt. “Your ass is mine when we get home.”

“Is that a challenge? Cuz I honestly wanna see you showcase those chugging skills.” Norman fired back at the demon. “If you can beat me in a Das Boot chugging contest, you can have me any way you want when we get home, deal?”

A spark of excitement and mischief flickered across Cal’s demonic eyes, “Oh it’s on like DONKEY KONG!”

They shook hands as Ryali brought over two gallon-sized, glass boots full of beer.

35 notes · View notes

elfstuck · 6 years

Text

War in the Chessfields

I have realized that, no matter how busy my life gets (guys, guuuuuyzzz, it’s Night of the Nocturne right now and I could be searching for Strange Chests that might contain the new Smirch gene!), I really need to get farther along in Homestuck because it’s starting to creep into mainstream politics. (He was told about Homestuck, and then he started reading it.) Also, Chibipaw says there is “good stuff’ coming up soon (that’s as much detail as my anti-spoiler policy allows) and I need to hurry up and get to it.

So... where did I leave off? Oh yeah. NinjaJade had taken out the wearer of my future cosplay project, but had missed PM sailing off into the sunset (moonset? Prospitset? Do they even have a sun on these planet-things?), so she’ll have to get the ring back to her later. To expediate that, Jade marries herself.

Oh wait. The four dots. Agh. I mean, aside from being equally spaced in a way that would make them endlessly annoying to wear, they... they may signify the four fingers. Homestuckians have four-fingered hands. I’m not sure if I’ve noticed this before.

Jade is immediately overwhelmed with the Spirit of the Ring: she gains wings, a tri-pointy hat with horns, tentacles, and a fake through-the-body sword. So... an amalgam of all the sprite encodings so far.

Next panel, turns out she was only thinking that happened. It doesn’t work that way on humans.

Elsewhere (dammit, I should’ve stuck with the last post a few more panels so the POV shift happened at the beginning) we have yet another WV. This one is WARWEARY VILLEIN who is either an animated stick-man, or is waving a stick on a banner: crossed beams, ragged red-and-purple robes and a white sash. He/it has a bucket on its head with the familiar Sburb spirograph.

Next up (aagh) is something with flash and sound. This is probably the Cool Thing Coming Up Soon that Chibi told me about. eep. Flash takes forever.

WV is being told to “Rise Up,” which is probably not supposed to make me think of Hamilton as this was written several years ago. But those words are gonna be attached to that song for a long time.

I click to the next screen. I am faced with this:

And I remember two things: (1) Firefox always thinks Flash is out of date, because every time Firefox updates ANYTHING, it decides Flash is out of date. My Firefox is a couple of editions behind (I’m not “updating” to Quantum that will kill several of my beloved extensions), so I’m going to see this A LOT. Sigh.

And (2) aaaaagh my laptop does not have a “print screen” button. It had a “print screen” macro that stopped working. (I have an Alienware laptop. WHODAFUK decided that a gaming laptop didn’t need a “print screen” button? Like, is that now an obscure and rare function? I STILL HAVE A CAPSLOCK BUTTON. I DO NOT NEED A CAPSLOCK BUTTON; CAN I REPLACE IT WITH PRTSCRN? (I typed that without using the capslock button, because remembering to un-capslock is always worse than just holding the shift button with my left pinky and using the wrong finger for “A”, and I guess “q” and “z” but those don’t come up as often.)

Quick check to the Alien “TactX” command center... huh. Print Screen is working now. It wasn’t last week. Yay, I guess? (Someday, I will once again have a boyfriend who speaks fluent Linux, and this time, I will get him to TEACH IT TO ME and I will defenestrate my laptop.) Anyway. Here we go.

3x3 chessboard; the kings move a bit, and then run into each other and the whole thing turns white silhouette. This means this is a meta-story-thing, related to the previous Grand Chessboard event, which I have mostly forgotten. (I have the link saved, though, so I can watch it again anytime. It’s on my schedule. “1. Run out of Stucky and Stony fanfic. 2. Rewatch Homestuck chess scene.” Blame dsudis for the delay.)

Clownsprite image appears. Chess pieces keep moving in the background. I have to screencap several times to get a good picture of the chess pieces (sometimes there’s only one visible) and the sprite with the pretty shade of aqua in the middle instead of white. I’m sure you’re all thrilled that I’m focused on the important parts of the story.

Next, he flickers and I fail to s’cap the transition between that and the full-layout chess set.

Please, someone tell me that someone makes these chess sets. That several people make these chess sets. Tell me the are sold with the label, “This Is A Chess Set, Not A Collection Of Marital Aids. We Promise.”

Birdsprite appears. (At least, I think that’s birdsprite.) Oh wait, no, that’s catsprite in the princess outfit. It is lavender, Rose’s color. Or one of them. Does that mean the davesprite will be red? (Do I really need to screencap all of these? Probably not, but this is as much for my entertainment as anything else. Also, I want to be able to reread them and figure out what I was thinking.) I considered re-trying to catch one with a darker purple circle or other higher contrast, and decided not to bother.

The music seems nice enough, what I can hear of it before I hit stop so I can screencap. (If you’re new - various suggestions have been made on how to deal with the Flash bits in ways that aren’t “stop & screengrab every couple of seconds.” I have nixed all of them. I enjoy doing this one fragmented piece at a time.)

And then the scene changes: the board is replaced with a WHOLE PLANET BOARD.

Rose and John’s sprites are in the upper corners, starting with top right and moving widdershins. Widdershins is a destructive direction; they are unmaking the world. (Erm. As obscure as Hussie gets sometimes, I have doubts that that particular bit of symbolism applies here.)

Aaaand here comes the davebirdswordsprite. Orange, not red.

Davesprite tucks away into the bottom left corner, continuing widdershins, and the cubeworld backs off or is replaced by a round world, very bright and faint, with VERY BRIGHT FLASHING blue lines around it. (Same blue lines as above. They just got brighter.) Then the planet darkens (this is what happens when you stop the Flash every second or two; you wind up giving far too much import to transition scenes.)

Imma make a prediction: Jadesprite is due to make an appearance. (Does Jade have a sprite yet? Something with a pumpkin?)

BUT NO! The world gets bigger, moves closer, until it FILLS THE WHOLE SCREEN! Then it fades out to white, and gradually (well, gradually if you’re stopping every time something moves or flickers), we get a new scene:

Aww, the rolling hills of Chesslandia, with its famed pixeltrees. We float over the landscape until we reach the castle. (Or maybe, “a castle.” I dunno. Maybe there are hundreds of castles in Chesslandia.) The pixelgrass fields bring color to the landscape, and a couple of pixelfolk play hide-and-seek in the tall grass near the aqua river.

Well, it’s got a turret and banners, and that kinda says “castle,” along with the whole, y’know, chess kings & queens motif, but that looks kinda small for a castle. Also rather isolated. Why build a castle if there’s nothing near it to defend? I see that there are people, but no town. Is the castle all that remains? Am I looking upon the desolate post-apocalyptic wasteland of Chesslandia?

We pass the people and zoom in, seeing the yellow banner waving madly in the gale-force breezes near the castle turret. This is, apparently, to introduce the army of Chesslandia, because the scene whites out again, and then switches to the marching hordes.

I am probably not supposed to think their little ± symbol reminds me of a leviathan cross, a.k.a. the Satanic cross. (Hey, if I make a CD cosplay outfit, can I have a purple banner with a pentagonal ± symbol on it? Or is he not part of this army?)

Then we pull back to see the huge crowd of them, and they fade, and a different banner fades in: this one is purple - and behind it is a yellow-clad army.

AAAH! The yellow flag is for Prospit, and that’s the Dersian army marching on it. And the purple banner here is Derse, and the Prospit army - complete with the same ± symbol - is marching. Here, have some Prospit army:

This isn’t because you need the picture, but because I captured the flash at that point so I can watch them marching and waving weapons, with the sky flickering in the background. It’s very soothing. Wish I could capture it as a gif.

And then... FIGHT! Armies meet on the battlefield! Sparks fly from their blades, which are apparently made from different metals. They both wear stripey shirts and chessboard tabards, of different color combos.

Guys. Gals. Whatever. Readers. I have been cheated. I thought Homestuck cosplay was limited to “t-shirts with a zodiac symbol + horns & weird sunglasses,” or “one of these four kids (also t-shirt with symbol).” There is AWESOME cosplay opportunities in this series. Nobody told me.

I mean, they told me about the tentibulges, because my friends know where my interests lie (or squirm, as the case may be), but even the friends who knew I’d done 6+ years of RenFaire didn’t bother telling me, “omg you should see the amazing costume options, and also, they wouldn’t be impossible to make!”

(I mean, I’ve looked into WV’s costume, but it looks difficult and too hot to wear at most conventions.) (See how I focus on the important parts of the story?)

Spaceship takedown attempt. Or maybe this is a drop ship. Looks like there are many such ships. Anyway, we see battles, and it pulls back to show the larger scene, and the horrors of war:

Well, the horrors of neon, purple-vs-yellow war. ... Is that a giant horse shadow with tentacles on its back?

Why, yes it is. Knight vs... King? Queen? We’re back to the chessboard, with only a tiny hint of a pixeltree in the corner to let you know this is the large-scale war happening above the ground. Then we get this:

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but they’re too cute to pass up. There are 9 little fellows, so they’re not “pawns.” Then a giant black chesspiece stomps into the center of them and they fall aside, scattering (I didn’t catch that picture), and then... the WV banner thingie is raised again.

That makes it seem like we’re wrapping up this storything, because that’s the image that we started on. It slowly pulls back to show an empty Chesslandia with a flower stand, waving a red banner.

The pixelgrass has return to the fields, although the pixeltrees have not. Or maybe they just don’t grow here.

AAuugghhh nooo... that was a picture of the past. Now, the lovely flowerstand is in ruins; fire everywhere, and a lone derseling wanders the war-ravaged fields of Chesslandia. :( We pull in tight to his grief-stricken, bleak expression (don’t ask how I can identify that from two white dots on a black circle; I just can) and then he (or she) oversees the huge battle on the fields below.

Woe. Woe has come to Chesslandia. Woe, and fire. Woe, and fire, and pixels.

Zir face is shadowed by woe and fire and pixels.

Zie is not looking nearly as woeful in this image. Hrrm. Then we see the Black Queen rise...

Then we zoom in again, this time to the scepter, which is full of clouds and the spirography thing:

This is all getting a little too “Men in Black,” with the world in a marble and all that. Are we going to zoom into the scepter again, to the center of the spirography symbol, and find ourselves moving into John’s balcony?

Well, no. We do zoom in, into the world and the cubeworld and such, but we get a black-and-white image of something shadowy flying over Chesslandia.

We zoom in again, and we see... not Spades Slick, despite the cut on the eye. That other character with the same appearance.

It flies with malice (don’t ask me how I can identify malice from that), but is faced with a lone Dersian defender:

We cut back to the war on the ground, the clashing swords and all that, but the combatants move aside. And this had better wrap up pretty quickly, because my printscreen macro just stopped working. (WTF? If anyone knows how to give advice on this, plz contact me.) Anyway. They move aside, and then snap into line.

Our lone Dersite with the tattered red banner leads them through the pixeltrees toward a set of checkered ruins.

Elsewhere, PM lands, and notices the missing ring. White Queen is not happy. There’s another huge scepter waving. White Queen flashes white all over, and shrinks - and hands the scepter to PM.

Looks like PM is in line to be the new WQ. However, the handoff is spotted by someone who is Definitely Not A Member Of The Midnight Crew.

Meanwhile, the Dersite hordes march to confront the Black Queen. Our purple-robed hero(ine) glares, and then looks upward, sees the flying not-a-bird person overhead. The Spadesy-person waves a swords and slices through the black scepter.

(I think I figured out the screencap problem. It won’t work if I have the Flash selected. Which is stupid. Really stupid.)

Black queen, missing her scepter and its four spinny baubles, also shrinks.

Heartsy spy leaps out and attacks the new white queen. (Gonna knock her into next week. This is a problem, because next week is a massive international holiday and it’ll be hard to find time to liveblog.) White scepter goes flying over a waterfall.

We see, inside the white scepter, the purple-robed defender, and it pulls back to see the world, and then the scepter itself, which lands by the banks of the aqua river surrounded by pixelgrass.

(That picture’s superfluous; it’s not relevant to the story. It’s here becaue I think it’s pretty.)

Aaand now I should watch it again and get a sense of the whole story instead of stopping every two seconds to ponder the meaning of each cut scene.

***

Two minutes and 15 seconds of flash that takes me an hour and a half to write about, all the while worrying that Tumblr’s going to have some weird hiccup and lose the whole thing.

So: back queen dead; white queen deposed by losing her marbles; new manager of each; war possibly stopped at the moment. White scepter maybe recoverable and could be combined with Jade’s ring to fix it. Black scepter broken; would need something else to fix. (Superglue?)

Jade has not yet entered the chessgame at the macro level. Jade needs to install Sburb and get into the game.

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #prospit v derse #white queen #black queen #elf meets trolls #act 4

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