full disclosure: tomorrow’s chapter of Hallmark Au isn’t done yet and I’m so tired from crazy work hours. I have a little more than an hour before I have to sleep, and I’ll see how much I can get done in that time?

Saving Grace - JJ Maybank

A/N: A You Are Ok drabble set ten years in the future 

You Are Ok Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

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The Maybank house had sat empty on the cut for almost five years until JJ’s dad was released from prison. You and JJ had been down in Florida at the time, moved out of his cousin’s trailer and living in an apartment in the everglades. Talking about going home but unsure what the OBX had to offer at that point. It was barely two weeks after that when you both flew home, Luke Maybank had overdosed and the house was empty once again.  

It stayed empty while the two of you gutted the entire place and refurbished it. While JJ and you stayed at the Chateau or Kiara’s place, while you found a job and found out you were pregnant, while JJ got a job for himself in the area and went back down to the everglades to empty out the apartment.  

JJ laid the tile in the bathroom himself and fixed the plumbing. You painted the inside and outside of the house, planted a garden, bought a chicken coop. You and JJ moved in to the house and just like that you were back in the OBX.  

-

You sat outside on the porch, drinking a cup of coffee despite the hour nearing eight o’clock at night. The baby monitor was sitting beside you, a soft gurgling coming from the receiver. You were waiting for the familiar sight of JJ’s truck pulling down the long driveway in the dusk. The headlights were already on, flashing on you for a moment as he parked and then cut off, the engine dying.  

“Hey, what’re you doing out here?” He asked, climbing out of the front seat of the car and bringing a bag of chinese food with him.  

“Waiting for you to bring me egg rolls?” You joke, before turning serious, “I saw my dad this morning, at the grocery store.”

“Did he see you?”  

“Yeah...it was, really weird?” You suggested, reaching for the bag. JJ shook his head and held the bag away from you, a silent ‘I’ve got it’ as he leaned in and gave you a kiss. You wrinkled your nose at the familiar smell of fish as you pulled away, “how was work?”

“Alright...” he shrugged, “what did your dad say?”  

“That he wants me to come to church on Sunday.” You replied, following him inside.  

“You wanna go?” It was a question but the way he asked you knew that he already knew the answer.

“I mean...I’m not gonna like, start going to church with them every week and ya know, go back to how I was but...it might be nice. I do miss my family and, I want to have boundaries but maybe they don’t have to be like, huge ten-year silence boundaries where we never speak. I do want Willow to know her cousins; I think. What do you wanna do?” You asked, passing plates across the counter to him.  

A tinny half cry sounded from the monitor on the table and you both turned to look over at it, waiting for a crescendo of cries that you’d grown used to in the last four months. When silence settled back in, you both seemed to exhale in relief. You wanted to eat and finish this conversation before JJ ultimately showered and fell asleep until Willow’s usual one a.m. wake up.  

“Whatever you want.” He replied, never submitting to making the decision for you when you wanted him to. “Not exactly like your family’s a big of me.”

“Can’t imagine why,” you bumped his hip with your own, kissing his cheek. “Not like you totally corrupted their youngest daughter or anything.”

“Oh no, do not blame that on me.”

“I didn’t run away to marry myself.”

“If you go...” JJ posed, turning to follow you to the table, “do you want to go alone?”

-

You stood frozen in place, holding a box of cereal in your hand as you stared across the small expanse of Heyward’s shop, your dad there by the fresh produce, comparing two different apples with each other. The Outer Banks was a small island but you ran in very different circles and, in the three years that you’d been home, had avoided seeing your parents. Or anyone in your family.  

You’d driven passed the baptist church, a sign boasting a new assistant pastor, one of your brothers, when you’d first moved back but hadn’t actually seen anyone. The possibility of seeing them again had been a long debate between you and JJ when you’d finally decided to leave Florida for North Carolina. It had been hard in the very beginning, missing birthdays and anniversaries and new babies, but over time the ache had dulled and you had shifted your attention away from what you were missing and focused on working through the things you could heal in yourself.  

Now you were frozen. If you left your basket of groceries now you could make a beeline for the door and be out before he saw you. But then the bell above the door rattled as a customer came in and the baby swaddled against your chest started to fuss. Before you could attempt to placate her, your dad was looking over. For a moment you were certain he didn’t recognize you. Ten years was a long time. But then his mouth quirked into a frown and he set down the apples he was holding.  

“Ace?” He questioned, the old nickname feeling foreign to you. It’d probably been ten years since anyone called you that.  

“Hey, dad.” You nodded your head at him across the small store. You felt like tacking on a ‘surprise’ for good measure. ‘Surprise, I’m in the OBX, surprise, I got a kid...’

“When did you uh, when did you come home?” He moved across the store to be near you though he refrained from reaching out for a hug. You wondered if a decade had been just as hard on him as it had on you. Cathartic and healthy and freeing but hard. He seemed more mellow, you thought that before he might’ve pulled out a bible and started admonishing you.  

“JJ and I moved back three years ago,” you admitted, slipping his name into the conversation as if to prove a point. “He got a job on a fishing rig.”  

“Will you...would you come to church? We could have lunch afterward. Or you could just be there?” He offered. Ten years hadn’t changed his beliefs at all but it had made him miss you. Not knowing where you were or what you were doing felt like an ache in his chest that never went away. The anger had subsided to sadness and guilt.  

-

Seeing your dad had been startling enough and you had almost wished, while you were standing there in Heyward’s, that JJ could’ve been with you. Though, you weren’t entirely sure that would’ve helped anything in the long run.

“I think my mom would probably be nicer to me if I brought Wills but maybe, I mean, my dad already saw her. He didn’t ask about her but maybe...” you groaned, burying your face in your hands for a moment as you tried to gather your thoughts. “Why didn’t we stay in Florida?”

“Cause we both spent seven years talking about how much we wanted to come back to the OBX...and my dad-”

“Jay.”

“Look. My dad was an asshole okay, he was a fucking nightmare but you know better than anyone that not getting to see him at the end...that was the worst call I’ve ever gotten in my life. Knowing Ricky was the only one up here and that he was alone. You should do whatever you want to do and I’ll be there, right next to you, just like I’ve been for ten years, but I don’t want you to have any regrets.” JJ replied, honestly.  

You nodded, looking down at the plate of food and pushing your fried rice around. You knew that JJ was still hurting, that gutting a house didn’t take away all the memories that were trapped inside. “God I hate when you’re right.” You sighed.  

“Don’t let your dad hear you talk like that.” He teased just as the monitor went off again, this time for real. You leaned against the back of the chair and groaned as JJ stood up. “I got it.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll get her.” You stood too. “You need a shower, and sleep.”  

“I haven’t seen her all day,” JJ pointed out, following you down the short hallway to the bedroom that used to be his. It was painted in yellows and oranges now, with a crib and a rocking chair and baby books. A sunset mural painted on the wall from Kiara’s girlfriend and a chandelier of stars from Sarah.  

“What are you gonna do, take her in the shower with you?” You joked, lifting the fussing baby up out of her crib, “hey bubba, what’s the matter?”

“You have to feed her right? So feed her in the bathroom.”

“Oh sure, Jay, that’s super comfortable for me. I would love to feed her while I sit on the toilet.” You grumbled, already knowing that you would probably, definitely end up caving to him and doing exactly that.  

“I’ll put dinner away and do the dishes.” He promised, “and I’ll punch you’ll dad if he says anything to piss you off.”

Like I Love You

Jay Halstead/Plus sized Reader

Summary: Jay arrives at your apartment to pick you up for a date, but you're filled with self doubt.

¡Warnings! This potentially could be triggering. Poor body image, possible body dysmorphia, specific mentions of feelings of not being enough because of physical appearance

<Please, please lmk if I need to add any warnings.>

Loosely inspired by One Direction's Little Things

Like I Love You 

Your head throbs as hot tears of frustration continue to fall from your eyes. 

It was absolutely ridiculous to be this upset trying to pick out a decent outfit. After all, you've been successfully dressing yourself since age three.

But you don't have the mindset of a toddler. You're a jaded young woman with society's disgusting definition of beauty constantly shoved in your face. 

Deep down you know better. You know that the numbers on the scale give no indication of your beauty nor do they dictate your worth.

Sighing and trying to remind yourself that you are pretty, you again glance in the full length mirror. Standing there in nothing more than a top and underwear, fresh tears immediately fill your eyes. You only see flaws. Resisting the urge to poke at the cellulite near your thighs, you focus on your shirt. But the sleeves are cutting into your arms making them look weird. No, not weird. Fat. The too tight sleeves cause your arms to bulge. And the material clings to your soft tummy. You pinch the excess belly fat between your thumbs and index fingers, wishing you could squeeze it away.

You feel so ugly and gross. Angrily you pull the shirt off and throw it clear across your bedroom, where it joins a pair of jeans you couldn't breathe in and numerous other offending articles of clothing. None of which you look good in either.

You find an oversize t-shirt and slip it on before you just collapse on that very spot of plush carpeting.

Tears still roll down your face. All you wanted was something cute to wear. To be pretty. And go out with your boyfriend for a date night. He's a detective for the Chicago police department. The hours are already long and sometimes abnormal, but this week he, and the rest of the special unit he's a part of,  were logging extra hours on a particular difficult case. You haven't seen much of each other recently so you were especially giddy when you received his text earlier in the day saying there had been a break in the case which meant he could swing by your place and take you out on a proper date. Your reply had been almost immediate, telling him how wonderful that sounded.

You were surprised to hear from him again, still promising to take you out, but proposing you both meet up with his coworkers after dinner for some drinks. He included "begging" and "puppy dog eyes" in the message. 

Though you wanted to, you couldn't exactly say no for several reasons. You had already agreed to the date, so he knew you were free. Part of you suspected that he had done it on purpose. You'd accuse your favorite detective of entrapment later. 

You also were fully aware how much Jay wanted to introduce you to the coworkers he considered friends, having been invited to go out with them several times before. You kept putting it off.

Not because you had no interest in meeting everyone. Rather, the idea fed your worst insecurities.

What if they don't think I'm good enough? They're going to wonder what he sees in me. Then Jay will start wondering too. 

Wanting to do this solely for Jay's benefit, believing he deserved this after the hellish week at work, you went to your bedroom to plan your outfit. That's how you ended up in this nightmare. You only want to look your best, like you belong with Jay.

Nothing in your closet said that though. The truth of the matter was no one like him should be with someone who looks like you.

Cries turn to sobs. You draw your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly.

You hear the door to your apartment unlock, Jay using his copy of your key to let himself in. Hastily, you wipe at your face, not wanting him to see you like this; yet you can't find the will to stand. A loud, nasally sniff escapes you.

"Babe?" His still unaware voice calls out from the hallway. "I got us reservations." You don't answer back right away and you hear his footsteps approach. 

Having found you, he stops in the doorway. "Whoa. What kind of nuclear clothing explosion happened here?" He indicates to the mounds of clothes which surround you and cover the better part of the carpet and bed. His laughter dies as soon as he sees your tear-streaked, puffy face. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" his worry evident in both his voice and light eyes. He looks you up and down, frantically searching for any sign of what has you like this.

You mumble incoherently.

"What?"

"I don't have anything to wear."

"The floor begs to differ," he teases. You glare back, in no mood for jokes no matter how well intended. He holds up his hands signaling he meant no harm before he pulls you to your feet. "What's going on?" You huff a heavy sigh in reply. His hand caresses your cheek and softly "hmms?" at you encouragingly.

"Nothing fits right," you confess. He hesitates unsure how to respond, so you continue. "I look extra fat in everything."

Jay frowns. "I doubt that very much. You always look good. I love how you look dolled up when we go out and I love when you're in an old tee and sweats."

"That's nice of you to say-"

"Well I didn't say it to be nice. I said it because it's true," he cuts you off.

You give a tiny, weak smile. "I hate how I look." Your voice cracks. New tears sting your eyes.

He brushes the few teardrops that manage to escape with his thumb. "Baby, what are you talking about? You're beautiful." His voice is soft with a hint of sadness hearing you talk this way.

"This is not beautiful." You pat your flabby stomach, then your thighs. 

Carefully stepping to avoid the clothes which litter the floor, Jay makes his way to your bed and sits on the edge, still mindful of the garments piled there as well. He opens his arms, indicating for you to sit on his lap.

"My huge ass will probably crush you," you mutter.

"Baby-"

 

Exasperated you throw your arms up, "I look nothing like you!"

"Well I'm a guy and you're not so…"

"Stop. I mean you look like a freaking model. That face and those abs for days." You catch him looking smug, no doubt a witty remark is at his lips, but one glance at you and he leaves it unsaid. You continue. Your voice hushed, "I'm afraid of what people might think or say when they see us together. It's why I've been so reluctant to meet your friends."

His eyes sadden. He reaches for you, gently pulling you to his lap. When he speaks, his voice is soft, but stern, almost begging you to believe his words. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I honestly had no idea, but listen to me, please. The only people who get a say about our relationship are in this room right now, okay? So our opinions are the only ones that matter. You. Are. Beautiful." He pauses only to shush you when he sees your mouth open. "The way your mind works fascinates me. Your sense of humor is amazing. You continuously show compassion for others, which in this world is not always easy. I swear your goodness is innate. Your laugh is intoxicating. When you smile...I wish you could see how your face lights up and your body turns me on exactly how it is. I have never been attracted to anyone as much as I am to you. I love you."

Jay's words move you, but they're not enough to silence your insecurities. "Even though I don't have a thigh gap?"

His brows furrow. "I...don't know what that means."

"It means my thighs touch each other. They're not supposed to."

"Says who?"

"...society."

"Society's ugly, not you or your thighs." His fingers trace nondescript patterns on the bare skin in question. "Besides, thick thighs save lives."

"Jay!" You laugh despite yourself. He smiles in return and presses his lips to your temple.

"I love you too. You know that, right?" You ask, realizing you hadn't said it back and he nods. A hand intertwines with his as you look in his eyes, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"You're not. We all have insecurities or things we don't like about ourselves. I just wish you weren't so hard on yourself. I'm sorry too if you felt I was putting pressure on you to meet everyone."

"Not at all," you shake your head. "That's just me being me."

"Still, if my friends have a problem with us being together for any reason, they're not the people I think they are. Truly though, they'd love you. Hell, if we didn't show up together I could see one of them hitting on you," Jay pauses if imagining it.  "But seriously. They'd adore you. First, because they're going to see firsthand how good you are for me. Then because you're you. Funny, smart-"

"But I want to be pretty, Jay. And look like we belong together."

Jay sighs, but not out of frustration with you. He's only concerned."You are. And we do. I know nothing I say is going to magically change how you see yourself...I get that. You have to be the one to work this out. I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes and love yourself like I love you. Maybe then you'd understand you're so worthy of self-love. I promise, I'm right here and I'm going to keep reminding you how beautiful you are in hopes you'll start to see it."

Your hand caresses his cheek as you fight the urge to cry again. He leans into your touch. "You do help," you tell him because it's true and to reassure him. "I'm so lucky to have you. I'm really going to try to not be so down on myself. Besides. I  really don't want to ruin any more of our nights."

He waves you off. "A night trying to get you to see your beauty is not ruined. And the night's still young. We'll do whatever you're up for. Go out for a bit. Stay in and order food. Whatever."

A small smile appears on your face. You quickly peck his lips with yours. "I just want to wash my face before we do anything." Jay nods. You slide off his lap and head to your bathroom across the hall.

The light flickers for a second as soon as you hit the switch. You go to the sink, turning the water on and letting it run to get to the perfect temperature. Standing there, you glance into the vanity mirror. Your face is still slightly puffy with a few soft pink splotches across your cheeks from all your crying. You splash the water on your face and repeat the action several more times before using a fluffy towel to pat dry your face. You stare back into the mirror. And smile. It reaches your eyes and illuminates your face. You reach a realization. However fleeting or permanent, you don't know. But right now in this moment, you feel it. 

You're pretty.

-

Still Star-Crossed Part Six

Sequel to Star-Crossed Lovers, please read Sad Ending Version Two for this to make sense)

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Requested: No (Requests are closed unless they are apart of the pinned post)

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: Swearing, angst, slightly nsfw no major descriptions but you know what they’re doing.  This series and the one its based on is 18+

Description:  Jason’s been gone for nearly two years.  Y/N has taken up the Red Hood mantle, but things are about to become complicated.

A/N: Before anyone asks because of how this ended, not this is not the last part.  I’m thinking at least two more parts, but we’ll see how those go before I give y’all an exact number.

Jason slept in her bed the entire time they were in Metropolis together.  Each night she laid curled in his arms and it was the most peaceful he had felt in ages.  When they made the journey back to Gotham he thought the entire time about how he was going to try to figure out a way to stay.  He didn’t want to go home where there was nothing left for him.

Y/N dropped him off at the manor promising to be by later when Alfred made dinner.  Jason didn’t even head to his room; he headed straight for the study where Bruce was.  The other members of the family just watched him go.  Dick saw the determined look in his eyes and knew that whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to end well.

Bruce was sitting behind his desk when Jason strode in without knocking, “I see you’re finally back from your little excursion, did you have a good time in Metropolis?”

Jason ignored the question, “What if I want to stay here?”

Bruce set his pen and papers down and leaned back in his seat, “Let’s pretend I don’t know why you want to stay.  Convince me that that is the right choice.”

“There’s nothing left for me on my earth, Bruce.  The you and I there are cordial at the best of times, I don’t talk to Dick and the others.  The one person keeping me there is gone.  I’ve been living on autopilot and then I come here and it’s like a fresh start.  You and I don’t have a strained relationship because I’m not your Jason and you’re not my Bruce.  Y/N isn’t dead on this earth, and to be honest I like it here.  So why can’t I stay?”

“Because despite how you may feel here this isn’t your home.  And I can’t watch Y/N go through yet another heartbreak when the inevitable happens.”  Bruce looked regretful, “The world is cruel and I have no desires to see either you or Y/N in pain because once again you were dealt a hand that wasn’t in your favor.”

Jason wanted to be mad, but it was true.  He didn't want to leave behind a broken hearted Y/N, but something told him that this was going to end in tears no matter what happened.  “Fine, you win,” then he went to leave.

“Jason, Barry found your earth,” regret laced his voice.  

Jason didn’t say anything else, he just headed to his room to process what Bruce had just told him.

It was another uneventful night of patrol.  Joker was still underground and there was no sign of whoever it was he had gone to meet that night when Y/N learned that a Jason from another earth had arrived.  That seemed like ages ago, but it had only been a few short weeks.  Now she was slipping into her apartment only to discover Jason lying on her bed and nearly scaring her half to death.

“Jesus Jay,” she said as she gripped her chest.  “Warn a girl first.”  He didn’t grin at her, he just stared at the ceiling and she made her way over to him.  “What is it?”

“I’m going home,” he said.

She felt the blood drain from her face, “When?”

He sat up then, “Whenever Barry is ready for me.  He’s found my earth.”  He scrubbed his hands over his face, “I talked to Bruce today and while it is a possibility that I could stay I think we’re just kidding ourselves.  Neither one of us has gotten a happy ending with our other versions, so what makes us think that we would?”

She hated that it made sense, there were no guarantees in life.  “So that’s just it?  We don’t fight?”

Jason cupped her face with his hands, “I want to fight, Y/N.  But Bruce said something today, he said that he couldn’t watch you go through another heartbreak again, and honestly?  I can’t blame him for that.  At least if we’re on separate earths we can live under the assumption that we’re both happy and healthy.”

She shook her head, “It’s worse knowing you’re out there somewhere and not being able to see you.  Wondering if you truly are okay.”

“Promise me something,” he said, his green eyes shining with unshed tears.  “Promise me you’ll move back to Metropolis.”

She was confused, “What?  Why?”

“We just spent four days there and you were the happiest I have ever seen you be since arriving here.  I know you stay here to feel closer to him, but take it from me you’ll never leave.  You say you have things that you need to accomplish, but in the end it’s just one thing after another.  And the only reason you don’t want to leave is because of those memories.  You’re holding onto the ghost of him, still in pain over the loss.  Take my advice and start over, free and clear of those haunting memories.”

“Are you going to take this advice too?”  Her vision was beginning to swim, Jason becoming blurry.

“Yeah, I’ll take the advice as well, I’ll find somewhere new and I’ll give up the masked vigilante life,” he promised.  “Fresh starts for the both of us.  Maybe we can find other people that will make us happy, that will be normal and we can have all the things that were denied to us before.”

“I don’t want to end things like this, sad and open ended,” she told him.  “This doesn’t feel like closure.”

He rested his forehead on hers, “I don’t think anything with us will ever feel like closure.”

He had a point.

“Can I ask one thing?”  

“Anything,” he held her a bit tighter.

“Can I have one kiss?  I need it, just one time.”

He hesitated wanting to give in to her request but also not wanting to know what her lips felt like against his.  He wanted to go back to his earth and not know how she felt in that way.  But Jason wasn’t a strong man, and his walls had been crumbling around her for some time.  He brushed his nose against hers and slowly their lips met, her fingers tangling in his hair as he deepened the kiss.

It was supposed to be soft and sweet, but a fire took over them both and one kiss turned into two and then five and then he lost count.  Her hands traveled underneath his shirt, her nails lightly scratching against his skin and causing him to groan.  It wasn’t long after that that their clothes slowly began to disappear and he was able to feel her skin against his.  And he knew that this would only make leaving her harder.

After she laid beside him sleeping peacefully there, completely unaware that he was going to vanish without a trace.  The clock on the bedside table told him it was almost time for him to go, so he maneuvered out of the bed and found a sheet of paper.

He had barely begun to write when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Turning he saw Y/N standing there with a grim look on her face.  “No, I won’t read another goodbye from a note, Jay.”  She pulled him up and wrapped her arms around him, listening to his steady heartbeat.  “You knew you were leaving tonight didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I just didn’t know how to tell you,” he confessed.  “Every time I went to say something I couldn’t get the words out.”

She looked up and gave him a sad smile, “Be safe out there.  Gotham’s a scary place.”

He chuckled, “Same goes to you.”  She felt one of his hands grasp hers and press something into it, “Take care of this for me, will yah?”

Opening her palm she saw it was his wedding ring, “Why?”

“Just a little memento, I don’t need it.  And even if we’re earths apart at least we’ll have something connecting us.”  He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger there, “I gotta go now, take care of yourself, sweetheart.”  Then he was gone leaving her alone in the apartment to let the emotions swirl like a storm inside of her.

Jason arrived at the manor where Barry was waiting.  “Ready?”  He asked.

“Give me a moment,” he walked over to Dick and pulled him to the side.  “I know you all still have to deal with the Joker, but please make sure she moves away from here.  She’s hanging onto ghosts and when we were in Metropolis she was happy.  I need her to be happy, okay?  I need to know that she’s somewhere safe and living her life for herself and not for the ghosts she’s trying to honor.”

Dick nodded, “I will.”

Jason turned back to the rest of the family, “Well it’s been nice knowing you all.  Take care of yourselves and promise to behave.”

“When do we ever behave?”  Damian smirked.

Jason only managed a half-smile before ruffling the young boy’s hair.  He moved over to Barry and said, “I’m ready.”

Barry looked regretful as took Jason and zoomed away.  The others looked at one another and Tim said, “Who wants to be the one that goes to check on Y/N?”

“I’ll go see her tomorrow,” Dick said.  “Just give her time.”

[New draft]

I’m finally getting hitched Tying The Knot Official Words

Wedding Vows

by roy harper, putting the laughter in manslaughter since 1983

A couple years ago, you asked me why I loved you, and I said “I-I don’t know.” Except you weren’t really happy with that answer, I could tell, so I tried to put it into nicer words. I mean, I’ve loved a lot of people in my life, or at least I thought I did. Look how that turned out. And, you know, I kind of write them off when they leave me, or when I leave them, because obviously that means it couldn’t have been love in the first place. But then I know that’s a big fat fucking lie because I still remember all of them, still remember exactly how it felt to tumble head over heels. So maybe they reason they stayed with me forever, despite one of us leaving, has to do with them and not me? And I was about halfway through this awful explanation when Dick gave us a call, told us that dealer we were tracking had just put his dirty little hands in Bludhaven, so we went to go deal with that. 

Both of us were glad that conversation was over, and I’m pretty sure you forgot all about it. But I didn’t. I never forgot about it, and I realized I never really answered your question. So, here goes.

I mean, I thought I was so smart when you met me. Sure, I was at my absolute lowest. But I was 25 and reckless, and the heroin had me feeling like a real person for the first time, you know? A human being, with the kind of secrets a grown-up kept, telling the kind of lies grown-ups told. And I thought I loved the way grown-ups loved. Always on the move, always leaving. Because it was either leave or get left. And I thought that was love. And I thought that was a brilliant idea. I was all dark and tough and had this tragic backstory, and I thought I was fucking irresistible, but only for a night. I thought I was fucking irresistible for a night, and after that I wasn’t worth shit.  

Now, I’m looking back at 25 year old me and the only thought going through my head was, what an asshole. Just, everything about me was supremely dickish. But most of all, it was the way I treated relationships. Do you remember that time you, me, and Kori went to that carnival? And Kori won that strength competition and we got free cotton candy? And I just gorged myself on candy floss, man. I was worse that Wally used to be, back in the day. And then we went on all those carnival rides and I thought to myself, I’d be fine. I run around jumping off rooftops with grappling arrows, and I used to practice marital arts with Dick Grayson. Motion sickness doesn’t happen to me. And then like half an hour later I was puking my guts out and you stood there and laughed at me? That. That’s how I treated love. I gobbled up everything I could get, and it was way more than I could handle, and then I’d throw it all up and run away. 

I’m not 25 anymore, but it feels like I’m still running. Except I can’t get away with what I used to do, ‘cause Kori can hear my fucking heartbeat and you check my arms for track marks all the time and Dick bribed his way into being my second emergency contact after you. So I hide away in my room and sort of melt onto my sofa. But not the good melting, like the way I melt into your mouth like you snipped all my strings. The gross kind of melting where I’m curled up onto the couch and I just wanna hack all my hair off with a knife and it feels like my brain is leaking all over the sofa and I know you killed most of my old dealers but I wanna bring them back to life because just one more hit, I just need one more hit, and I wanna drink myself into a rage but you locked away all the alcohol with a bat-lock that even I can’t break. Figures. It’s funny. You’ll shoot yourself in the neck before you go to Bruce for anything, but if it’s for me, you’ll swallow your pride in a second and get whatever the hell you need. 

I guess I’m just scared. I’m scared that I’m imaginary. I’m scared I’ll always end up reinventing myself every day to spare other people the trouble of having to do that for me. That what I want everyone to see always takes precedent to who I really am. I’m scared that I’ve finally lost it, that I’m crazy, that I’ve finally gone mad. But I’m even more scared that I’m perfectly sane. Because if I’m sane, then what excuse do I have? What excuse do I have for treating people the way I do, like they’re problems that I have to solve or explain or else I’ll just fall behind everyone else.

And that’s where you come in. Fuck, Jay. That’s, that’s when you came in.

I tried to word vomit that last part to you one night when you thought I was drunk and I thought you were drunk but neither of us had had a drop, and we hid behind the curtain of alcohol to have a heart to heart. And you told me people don’t have to be solved or explained. We’re all just ghost stories, and maybe we should just try to stay that way. Because we spend our days doing wonderful things, horrible things, and sometimes there’s no reason behind it. Or, wait, fuck, no. There is a reason. But that reason’s too simple and too straightforward to really be satisfying, you know? And then we keep forgetting the lesson that we learned and re-mystifying these problems that we already solved because deep down we don’t actually want to figure out why we love each other but hurt each other and-

Fuck. Sorry, Jaybird. This was supposed to be a simple answer to a simple question.

I think. Um. No, I don’t think. I know. I know I love you because I have to.

There’s no “why” about it. Any more than there’s a reason why Kori loves the dew drops that gather in the morning grass, or why that old hag in the apartment next to us can’t keep a plant alive for the life of her. I mean, I guess there is a reason. There’s always a reason, there’s always a “why.” I don’t really understand it, though. And you know how much that bothers me, you gotta know how much I hate that. Maybe if I dug around in myself for a bit, really thought some stuff through, talked to some people I thought I was done talking to, I’d figure it out. I’d figure out where all this love comes from. What it’s for.

But then the question would be answered. Why do I love you? Boom, I’d have an explanation. The ghost story would be over. And there’s really no point in telling a ghost story that has an ending, all nice and neat and wrapped up in a little package.

Right now, I think I’m finally at a place where I can just let it be. It’s just you and me. Me sleeping ‘till noon, then waking up to see you in my kitchen, looking like a fucking greek god reincarnated, a smile on your face that I don’t think anyone else but me gets to see, flipping an omelette with the same ease and grace that you flip knives. Me in fiddling with a couple spare parts, adding on to my arrows, and you either sliding up behind me, wrapping your arms around my waist and whispering in my ear how good I look in this old tank top or you throwing a greasy rag at my face and laughing at how it messed up the bun I had my hair put up in and telling me to wash up, dinner’s in 10. The two of us crowding around a set of blueprints, scheming and figuring out how to best hurt this one greedy asshole and send him down the highway to hell. And you honestly know all my secrets, all the dark thoughts I had when I was doped up and hating the world and everyone in it. And I’m the only one who knows what really happened in that funky green goo you call a Lazarus Pit, I’m the only one who knows what you went through under the League. The fact that we don’t have any secrets gives me this feeling in my chest, it’s warm and golden and sorta like how you feel with Dick Grayson smiles at you, except this time I think I caused it.

I just hope to god I’m right when I say “I love you.”

‘Cause I do. Jason. I love you. I just, fuck. I like being around you. And for the first time in a long while, I don’t think I’m going anywhere.

Fuck. That was stupid. This barely even made sense anyway. 

[Are you sure you want to delete this document?]

[Document deleted]

[New draft]

Wedding Vows.

From Roy Harper. To Jason Todd. 

I was trying something new with this and I have no idea whether it worked or not but oh well here it is.

87. “I saved you a seat.”

“I don’t get it,” He said flatly, evidently annoyed. “You’re always complaining about me being away and when I’m finally back you’re throwing a fit cos me sitting here and watching you work stresses you out? Come on.”

“I’m not throwing a fit,” You argued.

“Yeah?” He challenged, raising a brow as he folded his arms and leaned back on the sofa behind your desk, eyes staring you down.

“What?”

“Do you want my company or not?” He asked, the straightforwardness catching you a little off guard.

“You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to…” You murmured, then clicked your tongue in annoyance at the sound of your email notification as you swiveled in your chair and turned your attention back to your desktop.

“If you don’t want to…” He repeated after you, rolling his eyes.

He knew very well that you were ‘in the zone’ with the pile of work that you had to do, and how fickle minded yet demanding your client was being on a Saturday night was doing nothing to make your job any easier. But he especially hated it whenever you used that line on him because what the fuck, why did it have to be on him. There he was, despite being jet lagged himself, giving you shoulder massages and trying to talk you through your stresses but all he got in response was you swatting his hands away and asking him to leave you alone cos it was getting distracting.

“Yeah whatever I don’t really deserve this crap after trying so hard to help you keep your emotions in check if you, a grown working professional, can’t deal with your own responsibilities,” He stated.

And that kinda hurt.

“Jay-” You started, swallowing a potential outburst as your eyes were still fixated on the screen, scanning through the endless lines of requirements your client had just sent, unreasonably asking to be met by the same night.

He watched as you closed your eyes, dropped your head to the table and your hands grabbed at your hair, then wordlessly picked up his keys and cast one last glance before making his way out of the study.

“I’m just trying to finish so I can make it-” You tried explaining after calming down, but the click of the main door signaling that he had left your apartment only drew out a long, heavy sigh. “…tonight.”

 --

“Ayeee,” Gray greeted as soon as Jay entered the office.

“Long time no see!”

“Hey,” He said with a small smile.

Having left your house a few hours ago, Jay had sought solace in his studio, attempting to distract himself by working on some new tracks but obviously none of them were coming out satisfactory and it was adding on to his exasperation on top of the whole episode between the two of you this afternoon.

It rarely ended with him walking out on you even though he usually preferred to have some time to cool off before talking it out on the occasion that you guys argued. But ever since he left for the world tour, you struggled to keep yourself mentally sane with the ridiculous workload that you were facing at your new job and the lack of mental and emotional support. It was easier when he was around – you would bring your work to his office if you had to work overtime, he would come over to write his lyrics, but more importantly, he could pull you into his arms whenever he saw that the stress was driving you up the wall.

Needless to say, the past five months was a real struggle with you often crying over the phone to him despite your best efforts to keep it in. He knew the nature of your work and your low threshold for work stress, but he didn’t expect that you would have driven him away even after not seeing him for so long when he had put in the effort to spend time with you instead of recovering from his jet lag.

“What’s up? Everything okay?” Kiseok asked, reaching his hand out for a handshake.

“Yeah of course,” He shrugged.

“Is Ji Eun not joining us tonight?”

“Maybe later, she’s kinda held up at work,” He replied, casually going over to the refrigerator to grab himself a drink to avoid any further questions about you.

It worked, though, as everyone went on to catch up with one another, chilling with some card games and Nitendo Switch as per the usual.

The guys at AOMG had arranged for a casual gathering at the office on a Saturday night to congratulate Jay on concluding his successful world tour.

“You coming?” 

Your phone buzzed, and you diverted your attention from your bedroom ceiling to your mobile phone as the message preview from Hoody lit up the screen.

It was only three hours into the said time of the party when you had finally sent out the documents to your client, a huge wave of relief coming over you as you slumped into your seat, wanting to just stare into blank space and do absolutely nothing for a while.

“I don’t know, should I? I just got done with work and it’s super late though.”

“Duh, it’s a party for Jay, come and chill out. Pretty sure he’s been waiting, he seems pretty restless.”

You sighed, putting your phone face down on the table then rubbed your face, sighing for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was a no brainer that you wanted to be there to celebrate the occasion with him. More than that, it was the end of all the woes of long distance that the both of you were more excited about cos if anyone thought Jay was busy in Korea, he was almost untouchable on a tour, though you had to commend his efforts to squeeze in a Facetime call every other night or sometimes even getting DJ Wegun to film it so you could watch him perform for a bit.

Maybe it was the fact that he had not been physically around you for so long that needed some getting used to, but you honestly didn’t mean to come off the wrong way when you asked him to leave you alone. Of course you wanted the hugs and the kisses, but at that point of time you just needed to get the work done as soon as possible.

“Ugh I’m a mess,” You groaned, as you walked over to the mirror beside your wardrobe – the dark circles were deeper than the pits of your stomach and your complexion was embarrassing from the lack of proper sleep the past couple of days.

Nevertheless, you picked out a casual set of clothes and with some make up and self-convincing, you managed to get yourself out of the house and to the office.

Yeah, it’s gonna be fine. It’s gonna be fun. You repeated mentally.

--

“Ji Eun!” Loco greeted with a grin as soon as you walked in.

“Hey…” You smiled, unable to mask the weariness in your voice. “Sorry I’m late, but I brought some chips to make up for it if that’s okay.”

Jay’s ears perked up at the sound of your voice, and the way everyone’s attention was turning to you made it impossible for him to avoid looking at you.

“Aw you didn’t have to,” Kiseok said, hands on your shoulders as he brought you over to where everyone else was sitting.

“Everything at work okay?” Elo asked gently, noticing your lack of energy.

“Oh you know, the usual,” You shrugged.

Taking a quick glance around you had noticed that the only seat available was the one beside Jay and it was then when you linked arms with Hoody and walked towards the ice box, naturally avoiding Jay as you caught up with her in a hushed conversation. After all, you didn’t want to put it out there that their boss just had a fight with his girlfriend, nor did you want to ruin the atmosphere with talk about work at a party.

Jay could not help but take quick glances at you from time to time, the crease in your forehead and the subtle frown on your face as you spoke about what he assumed to be work woes to Hoody only making him feel worse about this afternoon. After all, you guys haven’t had proper quality time since he touched down yesterday for him to notice the weight you had lost and your lack of energy.

“You okay?” Loco asked, noticing how Jay went quiet ever since your arrival.

“Ya Hoody, don’t steal his girl, it’s his party today,” Ugly Duck remarked, turning all the attention on you.

“Sorry wha-?”

“Join us, we were just getting started with another round of drinks!” Sungwoo chimed.

“I saved you a seat,” Jay said in the quietest voice, barely looking at you as he cleared his throat.

You bit your lip, looking up at Jay for a split second before the both of you looked away from each other simultaneously. You tried as best as possible to stall for time and lingered awkwardly around Wonjae at the opposite end of the room. By now, it was becoming a little obvious that something wasn’t right between the both of you, but they knew better than to spell it out until a slightly tipsy Kiseok broke the silence.

“What? Afraid that you’ll jump on each other? Go ahead, we’ll look away,” Kiseok chuckled.

Seeing that Jay was having none of it as he smacked Kiseok’s head with a cushion, you took the opportunity while their attention was diverted and excused yourself to the pantry.

You sighed, unwrapping a bowl of instant ramen as you began regretting your decision to even turn up at the party when really, you would rather curl up in bed with Netflix than tread carefully around Jay after months of long distance.

Jay figured that it wasn’t wise to drag this out any longer and finally got up from the couch, biting on his inner cheek as he walked up to you quietly. There you were, sitting on the bar stool at the island, propping your chin on your hand as you stared blankly at the electric kettle not even noticing that he had walked right up beside you.

“Haven’t had dinner?”

“Oh…no, kinda made my way here as soon as I was done,” You explained, surprised, then pressed your lips to form a tight line.

He then reached for the bowl, unwrapping the condiments and wordlessly prepared it for you.

“Thanks,” You whispered.

“No worries.”

And for a while you sat there, looking at him whilst biting on your lip, not exactly sure of what to say to get rid of the deafening silence.

Noticing this from the side of his eye, he let out a soft chuckle, “What?”

“Nothing,” You replied, and as he looked at you with a brow raised, you sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drive you away...”

“Me too,” He sighed, leaning down to rest his elbows on the island as he brought his face closer to yours. “I’m sorry.”

A part of you wanted to go off on a long ass apology, but a part of you didn’t want to start this whole drama all over again, nor did you really have any emotional energy left in you. Instead, you simply looked at him, the both of you staying like that for the longest time.

“I know, you don’t have to say anything,” He said, finally wrapping his arms around your frame and pulling you closer to him.

One Thing Right - Andrew ‘Pope’ Cody x Reader (Animal Kingdom)

Author’s Note: So, whilst this is a stand alone - it can also be a little re-imagining of ‘Last Habit’ (Specifically how long it takes her to forgive him) - and was actually part of Last Habit, before that story took me another direction and left me with this-!

Heavily based on the restaurant scene from both the movie and episode 1 of the show (If you’re here for the Show!)

One Thing Right - Marshmello & Kane Brown

Disclaimer: Animal Kingdom characters/plot not mine / lyrics & gifs not mine / leap from “Last Habit” idea based on discussion with Ms. @mandy23b​  

Premise: Still frustrated with Andrew from a continuing argument, you’re determined to hold it together for a dinner event. In reality though, can you help doing anything other than forgiving him? Even if he doesn’t apologise?

Words: 6469

Warnings: Swearing / References to drug taking

_______

I've cheated and I’ve lied I've broke down and I've cried I’ve got nothing to hide no more I've loved and I've hurt Broken people down with words More grace than I deserve, for sure Known to be crazy, known to be wild Mama had herself a little devilish child Ain't no stranger to the troubles at my door You saw right through my pain Kept us patient while I changed Never even crossed your mind to walk away  When I was gettin' crazy, reckless, and wild Actin' like my mama's little devilish child It took a heart like yours to find its place I’ve been at the wrong place at the wrong time Chasin' all the wrong things most of my life Been every kinda lost that you can't find But I got one thing right Been the kinda guy girls' mamas don't like Runnin' with the wrong crowd on the wrong nights 'Cause I've been wrong about a million times But I got one thing right... you Yeah, I got you ---

It all started with a nervous, little, nonchalant proposal. The same way that Andrew always asked you to do anything with him. Like a ‘no’ was no big deal… As if you would ever say no in the first place, but the alternative never really seemed to cross his mind. “So, uh, the guys are doing some… wives and girlfriends thing next week… I dunno…” He tapped the sideboard and wouldn’t meet your eyes, “If you wanna come, then…” You raised an eyebrow; “Who are the ‘wives and girlfriends’? Surely that’s just me and Cath…? Cuz Kelly is no longer around…?” “Nicky…” “Who!?” Was Craig onto someone else already? Perhaps Darren, he was a sweetheart. Who else? “Jay’s girlfriend.” Ahhhhhh!!!! Jay. Yes, you misremembered for a moment that Andrew’s nephew was living with them now. In fact you hadn’t been over since then, so you hadn’t met him either. “Oh! Yeah, of course… Well, do you want me there?” He still wasn’t quite meeting your eyes but he nodded, “Yeah, I think so.” You smiled sweetly with a nod of your own; “Then, honey, of course I’ll come!” ***

Andrew drummed his fingers on the back of the empty chair next to him; and Baz knew it wouldn't end there. "She'll be here, mate. She wouldn't miss this." Andrew only stared at him across the table with a look that clearly asked him to shut up. This kind of thing was awkward enough for him, without worrying about where you were. He had been having second thoughts about going - only you wanted to be there, so he would put up with mundane social interactions for you. Also, if you were there and his social battery ran out - which it so often did - you usually came up with brilliant excuses to leave, or let him just find protection and comfort in your presence. Andrew, you've done enough... It's okay... You were always fine alone; more than confident with answering all the questions for him when it was clear he was no longer going to actively participate.

 Only you hadn't shown up yet, and he had to shuffle awkwardly in his seat, almost wanting to blurt out that you were an actual real person, you were just late. But why? You hadn't given him a reason. Andrew was getting more anxious by the minute, and his best friend had to watch this unfold growing exceedingly uneasy himself. What would Andrew do if that battery ran out and you weren't here yet? What would he do if you were a no show…?

 **

DAMN. Today, of all days, was clearly not meant to be yours. Not only had you been called into work to fix something on a weekend, but now traffic back into the city was beyond a joke and your cell phone provider decided that this particular route had next to no signal on it.

 So, by the time you got to the restaurant you were flustered and frustrated, and thought you couldn't possibly have made a worse first impression. It wasn’t just the first impression either, it was what you knew would be going on in Andrew’s head that worried you more. You’d been fighting- Well, okay fighting was pushing it because you and Andrew didn’t really fight, mostly because you couldn’t help but be a little worried about exactly what may happen if you really did get to fighting with him. But his brothers had a nasty habit of doing drugs – and Andrew wasn’t ever want to miss a little bit of participation, despite the fact that you’d told him time and again that you weren’t happy when he did so. When he’d invited you to this event last week you had been excited about it. You hadn’t exactly ever hung around his family in a group like that before, and the more you thought the happier you got. Andrew never invited you to things like this because they weren’t even his scene (you supposed you might have to thank Baz for that later), so to be included at all very suddenly added a new dimension to your relationship. So, now you were super excited to meet Jay and Nicky – and finally have another Cody Girl™ to hang out with. That was until yesterday morning when you’d caught him in your apartment with drugs and subsequently thrown him out, telling him you didn’t know if you were coming today. And if you were honest with yourself you were still mad at him. But you also knew Andrew, he’d probably quietly indicated you were coming ‘no big deal’ and he certainly wouldn’t have told anyone that you’d thrown him out, suggesting you weren’t going to make it – mostly because that would have been too big of a confession. You could imagine the questions, the ammunition it would give his brothers. Selfishly you supposed your reputation was on the line here, and you didn’t want to let him down. Even if he’d let you down, Andrew just meant too much to you. Honestly, you just really really wanted to meet the kids. Besides you could sit here in traffic and reason with yourself – it was dinner, which meant a maximum of 3 hours interaction - if you were still pissed about the drugs (you would be.) then you didn’t have to go anywhere with him afterwards. Seeing everyone else was a little more important than not going just to spite him. You took a deep breath, checking your phone again – still nothing. Well, if you were late then you were shaving yet more time off having to interact, if you were prepared to see it that way.

Baz, facing the door, spotted you first and was off like a rocket. Thank GOD for that! You were holding your mobile in one hand, bag slung over your shoulder, oversized white shirt unbuttoned nearly all the way to reveal a black vest top, tucked into a work mini-skirt. But you’d slipped from your heels into your pumps to drive, and your shades were in your hair. All in all, your face said you’d had better days, but really Baz was just glad you were here. He enveloped you in a warm hug, which you were only too happy to return. "Oh, Baz! I'm so, so, SO sorry!" "What the hell happened!?" "Work-! IT. When isn't it IT?" You huffed and folded your arms, "I feel like us casing the place that one time ought to have told ya it was time to leave." You scoffed, laughing, "It's a good place to work, I just can't believe today of all days it was such a MESS - and traffic!? I haven't see it that bad when it's rush hour! I mean what the hell!!" “Aw, honey, I’m just glad you’re here – we were worried.” – about Andrew, who was worried about you. You bit your lip, looking everywhere but Baz’s face and the table, “How is he?” “He’s… Andrew. Why?” “He didn’t tell you did he?” “No.” Baz would never go for the ‘tell me what?’ if it was something so obvious as the way you looked back to him. You took a deep breath, throwing your phone into your bag, “Okay.” And then more to yourself than to Baz, “It’s gonna be fine.” “Woah, you… you wanna talk about it-!?” He stepped backward with your step forward and held his hand out, concerned. You shook your head, “Not right now, thanks Baz.” And you really did appreciate his concern, “I just wanna meet everyone!”

 Andrew looked just as relieved as Baz did, swivelled in his seat now to watch you both walk through the restaurant, by this time Baz was already trying to lighten your mood and he’d made you laugh more than once; you were smiling – he was good at that. Andrew vacated his seat to take the last few paces to hug you himself; that movement was important – he knew exactly what he’d done, and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to accept his PDA as an apology. But something about him holding you in his arms softened you for a moment; "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry!" You mumbled into his shirt, "I really... I really AM sorry! It's been the morning from hell..." He shook his head, almost not caring; loving the feel of you holding him this close, your nails digging into his shirt. You gave him just the energy shot he needed. "It's okay..." He mumbled, though you felt that was probably far from the truth, "I'm just glad you made it safe..."

He let you slip from his arms, PDA wasn't his thing, so you knew this was because he needed it desperately only. Or you were right and it really was in apology. You kissed his cheek gently, feeling that would be the most comfortable, and rounded the table quickly to hug Darren. He was the baby, and looked and acted like it. He was like the good natured one who had yet to be fully dragged into this mess. You might have been a complete outsider, but Andrew told you as much as you were prepared to hear... Or that he knew you had to know. Usually that came with his more protective nature. That put you in solidarity with the youngest Cody sibling, and you felt you probably liked him the most – Darren liked you too; though you knew he was a little wary of your relationship. "What they got ya in for on a Saturday!?" He was referring to your attire, and you noticed Craig linger a little too long on the fact your white blouse had buttons undone to just the wrong side of inappropriate. "Oh. You know the company has to be running smoothly Monday morning and that’s that..." You sighed, “I’m so sorry.” He laughed, “Aw, you don’t need to apologise to me.” “No, only the whole damn table…” But Darren patted your back gently, “Well! Get on with it, we’re starving-!” You skirted the table while saying ‘Hi’ to Craig, Smurf and having an animated five minute conversation with Cath that had Baz rolling his eyes and sighing; "GIRLS! She's late enough!" Cath pushed him with a laugh, as you bashfully kept running around the table to where Andrew was still standing up, leaning on the back of his chair. At least there was something resembling a smile on his face as he watched you interact with his family. "Sorry, honey..." You almost smacked yourself, but realised there wasn’t really any stopping you, your heart was starting to overrule your head. You’d have to try to keep yourself in check – then again… He squinted slightly at the cute nickname, but pulled your chair out for you, to which you thanked him again as he pushed you in and reseated himself. "Can we EAT now!?!" Craig huffed, clearly on the less kind side of annoyed; "I was ready to order, like, 50 minutes ago!" You flushed and covered your face with your hands, "OH GOD!! I'M SO SORRY!" "He's just being a prick... Y/N... You're fine..." Baz's voice at least held a laugh, but you weren't sure it helped your feeling. Like he hadn’t already commented on it-! Andrew placed his arm around the back of your chair and shook his head at his sibling. Say something like that again and just wait until we get home. You liked that movement, it made you feel safe and comfortable. It was an assurance you sometimes needed in situations like this. Yet you knew you should still be mad at him; you were about to spend this meal incredibly torn…

"So!" You referred to the two teenagers sitting at the far end of the table. "You must be Jay and Nicky? I confess, what I know is little, although I have heard a bit. It's nice to meet you! I'm Y/N!" "Guess they might know a little about you, too..." Baz gave you an amused look that told you they'd be lucky if they'd even heard your name before you said it. Andrew shuffled in his seat in response to this, he needn’t have reacted at all - you had that kind of hunch yourself. The teens bashfully introduced themselves in answer to you as everyone ordered – in the back of your mind you were already thinking they were way too sweet to be involved here, and that adoption should be the way to go. You supposed that attitude shouldn’t surprise you, given the state of your family – your parents would have signed on the dotted line about 5 minutes ago. Still, you supposed you, in the remnants of a business suit, looked like the odd one out around the table – but that’s exactly what you were, and you were strangely comfortable with that. They were very sweet and shy, meaning you tried to make every question you asked kind and open – they didn’t have to answer if they didn’t want to. All you really wanted them to know was that you were decent; they were safe and you’d protect them at all costs. Besides, you reckoned Jay should know by now you were dating the most volatile man at the table. You’d like to say you knew that Andrew wouldn’t lay a hand on them – yet you also knew that he was capable of anything. You’d also like to say you were capable of stopping him, truth was, you were scared of what might happen if you got between Andrew Cody and something he deemed necessary to do. As you kept talking throughout dinner, and you tried to keep questions off yourself, you were aware of how close you were getting to Andrew. That was all subconscious because he’d barely moved an inch, but it was an act you loved doing. There was something very powerful about Andrew’s aura and you liked orbiting it; right now he was calmer – sure, his eyes still shifted around the room and to everyone in the table, yet everything about him was saying he was protecting you. Because even you were just waiting for Craig to come at you; he wasn’t exactly a fan of the fact that you didn’t come from the same place as them, that you came from a different class and social background. No prizes for guessing where he might have got that from. You got the feeling Smurf thought that you felt you were too good for them – not necessarily…. You’d seen the way she treated Andrew; the lost cause. The idea of wanting to get him out of this was something you thought about often. Though you also thought it was pointless when he was in your house doing drugs – but you would digress. In fact, you loved most people around the table. Really you felt a lot of them were better than the positions they found themselves in – if she really wanted your honest opinion. But you could only date one of them. And he was work, you’d give him that.

"What do you do, Y/N?" Eventually questioning did get back around to you, and you were trying to figure out how to answer before you were cut off. "Here we go..." Craig scoffed "What, jealous!? You can go it for me if you want!" Your eyes narrowed, arms folded He at least laughed; "No, No, I think I'm good - thanks!" You shook your head at him and turned back to Nicky's question, "I do IT." "Do IT?!" Baz repeated in a mocking voice "What? I do." He leant forward, "Nicky, she's just being polite and modest." "HA-!" Andrew shifted impatiently, which made Craig shut up again before he even started. Baz was allowed to finish his sentence; "She's a CIO." You leant on your hand with a small smile, "And CISO. If we're getting technical." "And that-!" Baz pointed to you, "Whatever the hell that is-!" Chief Information Security Officer, if he really wanted the answer. "That's why I said IT!" you laughed, “I head IT for a very small company, Nicky, it’s nothing.” “Enough to drive a Lamborghini.” This was exactly where things got complicated; where the divide showed, even though it didn’t matter to you. You were always uncomfortably aware of what it looked like to everyone else. “Will you guys stop!” You pushed Baz’s arm, but he was smirking and that only sent them all off laughing again. Causing you to hide in your hands for a second, shying towards Andrew – who despite still daring Craig to say another word with a frosty glare, had a hint of pride about him and the way he sat. Somewhere in the back of your mind you could almost hear the ‘That’s My Girl!’ that every other man around this table would likely say; his eyes flicked to yours, lips pressing themselves into a line that very nearly threatened smile. You were glad Andrew never got that far; not that it would have mattered anyway – because of course, you smiled back. Before you remembered why you were mad and your smiled faded for a moment. You lowered your eyes from Andrew’s face tracing them down his neck to his black buttoned polo shirt, then looked away from him entirely – realising you were just making yourself sad thinking about it. Still, he didn’t let you go; the slope of his body and the tip of his head as he watched the way your eyes traced him, he leant into you to keep you close – but he didn’t reach out. You didn’t expect that from him either. Andrew knew you were still mad at him; he could think about removing his arm from the back of your chair opting simply to pull you closer, but he wasn’t made that way. Andrew wouldn’t – at least not publicly and certainly not here.  Right now, he wasn’t even sure you wanted that – or if you’d simply push him away. Nevertheless, he noticed how torn you were and hated that it was him that had caused it. What a mess for a quick fix. Wasted and pointless. He ran his hand over his cheeks – suddenly imagining the feeling of your nails embedded in them as you lowered your voice to a sexy level of threatening. Andrew shifted in his seat again, this time away from you, and kept his hand there for a moment – you couldn’t help but notice the way his breathing change abnormally. You also realised all that had triggered in you was a smirk, absentminded enough for you to be shocked at yourself – yet you knew exactly why, and hell if you wouldn’t call it useful information…

Dinner continued until you were stuffed and couldn’t eat anymore, pushing your knife and fork neatly together you sat back, nestling gently into his arm that was back around your chair. Finally comfortable enough to seek the warmth of his body. By now he was staring at you, and he had been for quite a while, because that’s what Andrew did. You’d long since given up trying to guess, or even ask him, why he would choose to stare at you in the particular way he did. It was never any less intense than the way he would look at everyone else… yet it was so different – and this stare was strangely hopeful. You supposed he was considering whether or not you’d forgive him – then again, so were you. Turning your eyes on him you couldn’t help but gaze back; lost in another beautifully silent conversation. I’m here for you. But don’t you dare think I forgive you for what you’ve done just yet.   You knew he needed you here, and he must have known you knew that right now. You brushed your forehead gently to his, resting your hand reassuringly on his knee. It might take you a while to excuse him, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t love him. Everyone still pushed for dessert; at which point you swapped seats with Craig, bowing out – not without brushing your lips to Andrew’s cheek first, which very nearly startled him - to learn a little more about Jay and Nicky. Cath joined you a little later and with Jay joining in with his uncles, Smurf joined you in a girl’s conversation. It was nice to learn some more about her, and talk just a little about yourself without the whole table either wanting you to flaunt it, or scoffing at you for being a show off. You liked that you had the opportunity to chat with her in the quiet, which became quieter as Smurf and then Cath left you to it whilst they went back to the boys – clamouring for attention once more. Andrew was back to watching you, into his usual habit of making sure you were safe at all times and you were quite enjoying catching his eye every now and then. It’d make you smile and look away; a simpler form of flirting, but one you felt you probably both enjoyed. When he and Baz got up to pay the bill, Andrew walked behind you, brushing his hand over your shoulders. Fingertips pressing into your skin in a way that had you fixating on his touch and looking up at him as he walked away. You’d quite forgotten what you were saying and instead Nicky was left witness to that way you stared at each other, before he turned and they strolled to the counter – although you didn’t look away. Blinking a few times you cleared your throat; “Hey guys-!” They swivelled back, “Yeah?” You pulled your card from your purse and held it out, “I was late, it’s the least I can do.” Andrew waved away the suggestion, “No, Y/N, it’s okay…” “We got this – you can owe us later.” Baz added with a wink, and you figured he might spend the next five minutes trying to persuade Andrew onto a double date; which he would love of course.

Instead you watched them talk seriously at the counter for a minute as they split the bill; with the glances they both kept throwing to you, and the way Baz very nearly clipped him (about the only person who’d get away with it), you assumed that it was really an integration about the previous morning, causing you to look away quickly for fear of being dragged into it. Nicky giggled gently, and you realised she had continued watching you, “You really love him, don’t you?” You continued focusing on the table, although even her words had you smiling, and you very nearly laughed. “Yeah.” “How long have you been together?” That made your eyes raise to her - suddenly you realised you didn’t even know the answer. It wasn’t like Andrew was ever going to keep track of your anniversary – and to be honest being held up in a parking lot was not exactly something you wanted to remember the date of. “…Oh, uh…” You also couldn’t believe someone would want to ask you outside of your family; a lot of your friends thought Andrew was strange at best and would probably rather forget you were with him. You were grateful your parents foster kids more than made up for that. “…Just over a year?” you squinted, no, it felt longer than that - “Maybe closer to two?” then you smiled, genuinely, “Thank you for asking.” “I thought that was normal?” She tilted her head, making you laugh, “I don’t know if you’ve met him before today, but,” You looked around her to watch them still in heated discussion, “Andrew’s not exactly…” you paused, “He’s a little different. I think that’s probably why I like him so much. Then again, it’s not exactly something that gels with a lot of people,” you bit your lips together, “it’s a real shame - you know, if he was given the chance…” you trailed, “Sorry! That’s a lot for… the first time I’ve ever met you.” You place your head in your hands again, “Late and rambling, man, I must have made one hell of a first impression!” But she was smiling, and reached out to touch your hand, “I think it’s sweet – that you care about him like that, and I see the way you look at each other, he cares a lot about you too I can tell. He doesn’t take his eyes off you.” You weren’t sure if you should set her straight or agree with her; “That’s also a very Andrew trait, something to get used to for sure. I guess it’s okay if it doesn’t bother you…” “Does it?” God bless her innocent curiosity. “No. Except, nothing about Andrew bothers me.” “Should it?” Your eyes flicked back to him and then to her, and you said it as honestly as you could without really telling the truth; “He’s just… a lot to unpack.” ***

He stopped by your chair as they walked back, and everyone else started to rise, so you supposed dinner was over. As he’d helped you in, Andrew also helped you out. “You okay?” “Yes…” You gave him a gentle nod, “Thank you…” and you realised all at once that you really hadn’t had a verbal conversation yet. You wondered how you could just get back in your car and drive away after that. Andrew had to know you were still reeling a little – but it didn’t sit right with you, to just say goodbye and leave him to his own devices once again. Especially considering that could just drive him back in the direction you were trying to pull him from (or drag him – kicking and screaming if necessary). As you made your way from the restaurant - close but not touching; he wasn’t even trying to take your hand to keep up appearances (and sometimes Andrew did) – it was clear he was thinking along the same lines. Baz was the first one to turn to you, “How about it, Y/N? Drinks? I mean you can just park the car up and take off tomorrow if you’re worried about getting a DUI.” “Oh, no I really… I’ve had a day, you do not want me to take up any offer of drinking.” You waved your hands hoping he might drop it. “Aw come on – what!? You know how bad we get-!” No such luck. You indicated to the teens, “I would rather keep up appearances!” “It's cool, guys, I'll take her home." Andrew cut in before anyone else could protest your objection. You turned to him, wondering if a conversation in the place he’d done the crime was even a good idea. Maybe it was the only good idea. Of course, no one argued with that; "Okay, Andrew, see you later!" Although he waited for you to hug Nicky goodbye. You were good at bonding with people, and there weren't a lot of females in Andrew's life beyond his mother and Cath. So he knew you'd be particularly receptive to this teenage girl who had no idea quite what she was getting into. And that you'd likely want to protect her from that. Afterall, he’d watched you talk to her for at least the last hour, with that same sweet, caring smile on your face that you often gave him. Not that he thought he deserved it ever, perhaps even less than usual right now. And here you were again, being as naturally kind as you always were. "...It'd be cool to hang out too! I mean I dunno, maybe you're a little too cool for me!" You gave a gentle laugh that made her smile; "No, I'd like that!" "Awesome, well, you have my number now. Do not hesitate to call me. Especially if you happen to have to hang out with these boys again... In fact, Cath, you and I should have a girl’s night - Good Lord." "Don't tempt me!" Cath yelled from behind you, which made the three of you burst out laughing and all the boys look on a little confused. You hugged her tight and protective; she was so cute and utterly sweet. As the only other real outsider (and completely in the dark) you wanted to keep her on that side of things for as long as possible. It was your choice not to know anything, you didn't want her to have to know there even was a choice.

You waved them all off and walked with Andrew back towards the car park; he fell into the rhythm of your walk, studying every single other person on both sides of the road. He didn't hold your hand, but your skin was millimetres apart, his shoulder brushed against yours every few steps - as if to make sure you were still there; as if you'd be anywhere else. You were used to this by now, and if you were honest you loved it. There was something unvoiced about it all, how you were both aware the other was there and close, but there was no needed physical contact. Andrew was the most comfortable you'd ever been with a man in your entire life. And you weren't sure if that was ironic or not. "Are you driving?" "I don't have my car." You held out your keys, "Are you driving?" He took them gently, suddenly falling out of step with you, and then behind as he stopped. You paused a little further down the sidewalk and turned with a raised eyebrow; "What-?" He held the keys up, "You drove your Lamborghini to work!? AGAIN!?" This only went back to every other time he’d told you to be careful driving it around, should some opportunists try to car jack you… again. You folded your arms, somewhat impatient with his lack of answer; "Oh, I didn't realise I had to stop on the weekend too - now are you driving or what-!?" You knew he could stop the excited smile from crossing his face, but it escaped into his voice; "Yes!"

 ** Even though you still hadn’t spoken to him properly, it was all in his body language. For him it was the same, all in your actions. You didn’t have to let him do this – in fact you could just have turned to him and said that he wasn’t coming with you. Yet here he was, driving your gleaming silver Gallardo through Melbourne to your apartment. You noticed Andrew was making the most out of the opportunity by taking you the scenic route. All you could do was watch him. How comfortable he was – just you and him and driving. How careful and in control – a real force to be reckoned with, not that Andrew ever wasn’t that, but the whole aura of it was different. This time he couldn’t keep that small smile off his face – tiny sure, and if you weren’t looking you were bound to miss it, but it was there. You liked that he was comfortable, because you often watched him be so uncomfortable with everything. The social situations he was forced into especially; for that matter, Andrew didn’t often talk in social settings. He could still be the one in the room in control and be uncomfortable, his body language would tell you such. Here and now though, his energy was confident – and though he was alert to the conditions he was surrounded by on the road, Andrew was the most relaxed you’d seen him in a long time. You let yourself actively enjoy it. Because you wanted to revel in him when he was like this. It was a glimpse, a rare thing that you weren’t about to let slip away from you. You knew how much he loved this car, even when he was sitting passenger side, and when he actively showed it that was even better. Andrew was letting himself enjoy the moment as much as you were; just by watching him you’d been persuaded to smile, to coax your hand from your lap to entwine with his fingers. He didn’t look across to you – but his lips twitched and for half a second that smile was visible, before it dropped away again. Still, Andrew Cody didn’t let your hand go. ** You were back to being cold and silent by the time you were in the lift to your apartment; perhaps not by choice, but because you just couldn’t figure out exactly what to say. You weren’t sure how to approach it, and certainly hadn’t had time to think of such things. After all, you did kick him out of your apartment yesterday after screaming then using Andrew’s own ‘quiet & threatening’ tactic against him. You just knew that you couldn’t keep up the silence; part of you worried that if you did  Andrew would switch from understanding why (as you were sure he did) to thinking screw this and heading back home – where all that really awaited him was his brothers, alcohol and more drugs. Certainly not what you wanted. He was looking at you again though, and Andrew thought that maybe the air of friendliness you’d been displaying this evening had been for his family only. Just for dinner. He supposed it made sense, but Baz had told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to apologise to you, quickly. Andrew was just trying to figure out how best to do that – of course he’d been thinking about it, but you’d been regarding them both and he didn’t want it to come out like the only reason that he was saying sorry was because Baz had asked him to. No, he wanted it to sound as sincere and genuine as he felt. Usually silence was good for Andrew, he found a comfort there that he could seldom find anywhere else. Even around you. This wasn’t comfortable – not when there was so much unspoken between the two of you. You would often communicate without using words – but that wouldn’t even save you both now. He let you have it, 5 minutes of total silence, how you stood with your hands down on your kitchen counter staring at nothing. You could tell exactly what he was thinking, considering he was pacing up and down the room, and wouldn’t take his eyes off you. Until eventually Andrew sighed, making you raise your eyes to him; “Why… Why even bother turning up? Why would you want to be there today? With me. Why are you even okay with me?” He looked away from you, squinting in thought, “I understand the reasons you hate me right now. Which makes me not understand why you would…” He trailed, finding it hard to describe how he could know you weren’t happy – but you could still look at him like he was your world… Was there even a way to describe that? “Oh. Andrew…” You almost sounded desperate, but exasperated, your face softening and for a moment your heart bled for him – because he always felt like everything had to be understandable and logical; it was just how his brain processed. Just once sometimes you wished he would realise that your feelings for him really weren’t logical at all. You could never really hate him. “Look. I love you. And that’s never going to change, it’s just sometimes you make me SO mad!” You ran your hands through your hair with a small exhale, settling your eyes back on his infinite stare; “Because I see the good in you Andrew. And I want more people to see that. YOU might think he’s gone, and your family clearly do, but not me. I KNOW it’s there. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t see it. But you do things like this, and I just…” You gave a gentle shrug, unable to even explain it for yourself; “If I don’t believe in you, who will? It hurts me when you hurt yourself. And I feel sorry for you and… that is that.” His stare was measured, and his blink slow. You knew he wouldn’t say anything, Andrew just wasn’t built that way. But you wanted him to, right then more than any other moment you wanted words to spill from his lips. Andrew’s blue eyes left yours and he looked to the floor - that was a lot, all at once it was a lot for you to just say to him. It would be a lot to not respond to; then again, he wasn’t sure what he could say. He wasn’t good at expressing his feelings for you, Andrew never had been, but he knew he felt something – things he’d never felt for any other person, not even his own family. They were just so hard to say with conviction that sounded like he really believed them. You stepped from the counter and walked across the room to him, although he took several paces back, shying away from your touch. You wouldn’t take that as an answer, because you needed him right now – he needed you too. You took Andrew’s hand in yours; allowing him to maintain the gap but letting him know you weren’t about to let go. He shook his head slowly, still not meeting your eyes, and his next sentence was murmured – a thought to himself that maybe he hadn’t meant to say aloud; “I don’t deserve you. But you’re the only thing I’ve got right so far…” You tipped your head, unsure where exactly that had come from; “Andrew, I-” “I shouldn’t have done it. I know that.” Sorry. He was saying sorry, in a typically Andrew way of saying it. It’d take time for the actual word to come – or else maybe he’d simply show you. You framed his face with your free hand, tilting his head back up so those haunting eyes could meet yours once more. “…What…?” Andrew’s lips parted, no words came, before he swallowed and placed his hand over yours. For a moment you thought he might pull away once more, but he didn’t. His eyes simply searched yours for any way he might get away with never saying something so honest again. “I know you heard me.” You didn’t quite roll your eyes; instead pulling yourself to him, forehead against his – gently humming your agreement. I Did. You closed your eyes to the silence and lost yourself to the sound of his breathing. You knew exactly who this man was, and everything he was capable of – no matter how much you tried to burry that beneath your love for him, and no matter how hard you tried to save him from it. But, more importantly, Andrew Cody was yours - and you weren’t about to ever let him forget it.

---

Thank you for reading-!😍

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

Yo! I saw that you wanted Natsby fanfic prompts and I'm a HUGE sucker for angst so like. Daisy and Nick getting snappy and jealous over each other because Daisy realizes Nick's feelings for Jay are more than platonic? And then Mr. Ga(y)tsby has to CHOOSE between them, I'm such a sucker for angst and petty Daisy, yo-

Hey!! Thanks for the request!!! Idk if this is completely what you're looking for, but here out is. Also I didn't exactly make Daisy a violation character because that's never felt right to me. Hope you like it though!!! (I'm so sorry if it's out of character or anything like that)

Fireworks

    Daisy had always known how Nick felt about men. It didn’t come as a surprise. She knew in the suggestive glances, the flirting, the sneaking into backrooms at parties with one of the waiters. Daisy knew since their early teen-aged years. It wasn’t just men, there had been a few ladies in between. Nick wasn’t picky, she supposed. She never once judged him for it. It wasn’t her place to judge her cousin on who he decided to love. Besides, Daisy absolutely adored men, so how could she blame Nick for feeling the same? No, she never once judged Nick for loving men, but Nick was not supposed to love a man that was meant to be hers.

    She only noticed it after she and Jay started their relationship. She and Jay loved each other, she knew that. But she also knew that Jay cherished Nick’s friendship much more than most men would. Jay was loyal to Daisy, he always had been, much more so than Daisy would ever be to him. The way Jay always touched Nick’s elbow so gently in order to guide him made Daisy feel a sharp, familiar sting; the same sting she felt whenever Tom went into the city to meet his girl. Part of Daisy hated herself for it. She loved her cousin as any family should, but she could not bring herself to stand the way Nick looked at her lover. It wasn’t fair. She wanted to love Nick; she never once wanted to feel envious of him, but she wanted Jay to herself. Daisy knew that was neither mature nor fair to either of them, but it was how she felt all the same.

    The truth of it was that she loved him first and she hated knowing that anyone else could love him the same way she loved him. She never planned to confront anyone about it, and yet it happened all the same.

    Daisy invited both Jay and Nick over to dinner on a night when she knew Tom would not be coming home thanks to one whore or another, and Daisy simply didn’t want to be alone. She did not originally plan on inviting Nick, but she suspected if she hadn’t then Jay would have invited him along. Daisy didn’t think it would change anything. Maybe they could all play cards. Nick had always been awfully good at card games.

    So there they were; all three of them at the dining table eating what Daisy thought to be a particularly bland meal, as candles flickered at the center of the table. The evening started out pleasant enough. There was laughter and pleasant conversation. Daisy was actually enjoying herself until she saw that look on Nick’s face as they listened to Jay tell a riveting tale of his time in the war. Daisy once again felt that stinging green heat creep into her stomach. She could not stand it.

    “Nick, dear, if you stare any harder at Jay your eyes might fall out,” she joked with a bitter taste on her tongue. She had not actually meant to say it, but she did not exactly regret saying it.

    “Was I staring?” Nick said innocently, his face flushed. “My apologies, Jay. I suppose you’re just that good at storytelling. I could almost believe any of it is true.”

    “Old sport, you wound me,” Jay laughed goodheartedly. “I promise, every bit of it is true.” Nick only responded with a knowing smile that made Daisy’s blood boil.

    “You might as well be calling him ‘sweetheart,’” Daisy muttered as she took a sip from her julep in an attempt to calm her temper. This earned her a concerned and puzzled glance from both Nick and Jay.

    “Daisy, darling, is there something wrong?” Jay asked carefully.

    “I’m perfectly fine.” Her answer was curt. Then she sighed and squinted her eyes shut as if she had a headache. “Jay, you know how much I care for you, don’t you?” The room suddenly became tense and serious. Even the air seemed to stand still. Nick watched her with warning eyes. She knew how quickly he would attack her if she dared hurt Jay.

    “Of course I do,” Jay responded, his concern growing. 

    “I need you to know something, Jay, just one thing,” Daisy said slowly and prayed her cousin would forgive her. “Something you should have known a while ago. I’m…” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m not the only person in this room that loves you.” Terror flashed across Nick’s face, and Daisy covered her face to hide the redness in her eyes, to hide the shame she felt.

    “Daisy, what…” Jay started in shock. He looked over at Nick, and Nick looked back with wide, guilt-filled eyes as he desperately tried to keep his composure. 

    “N-Nick, I’m so sorry, I-I just couldn’t… I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m so sorry.” Daisy had started shaking. She forced her eyes to Jay and spoke weakly. “I thought you should know that you have options.” With that, she got out of her chair and began walking out of the room, the hem of her evening gown dragging on the floor.

    “Daisy, wait-”

    “Jay,” she interrupted, looking back at Jay, who looked so bewildered and helpless, “if there’s anyone in the world that loves you more than I do, it’s Nick.” She gave Nick one more apologetic look before leaving the two of them alone. Her heart broke as she walked away, knowing she may have just ended her relationship with Jay, and perhaps even her friendship with Nick.  But she knew she would never regret the decision.

    “Jay, are you all right?” The question was cautious, treating Jay like he was made of glass and could be shattered at any moment.

    “...Nick,” Jay said softly, still staring at the door, “is that true?” The question shot through Nick like an arrow.

    “I am an honest man,” Nick said as he averted his eyes. “I do love you, Jay. That’s not something I could ever lie about. I’m not going to ask you to leave Daisy. I know how much you two love each other. I understand if you’re… if you no longer want yourself with me.” Nick would have rambled further, but he feared he might have a breakdown if he did. He was not a stranger to rejection, and yet it still hurt.

    “Nick,” Jay’s voice just as soft as before, and he was no longer staring at the door. “I want to try something.”

    The statement didn’t immediately register until Nick had the courage to make eye contact with Jay, and saw that he had an odd contemplating, determined look on his face. Nick nodded dumbly in response and stared as Jay stood and slowly made his way over to Nick. Jay held out his hand, Nick took it hesitantly after a few moments of staring. Then Jay led Nick to stand with him.

    “How does this make you feel?” Jay asked, standing close to Nick, still holding his hand.

    “Like I’ve had too many juleps,” Nick answered honestly, his face red-hot. They stood like that for a moment, and Nick suddenly became aware that for the first time, Jay wasn’t sure of himself.

    “Jay,” Nick breathed out, barely above a whisper. “Jay, I’m going to kiss you now.” And Nick prayed that Jay would not suddenly change his mind.

    Then they kissed, and it was one of the most blissful things Nick ever experienced. It was not anything more than Nick had dreamed of, but it was real. It was real and warm, and every bit of pain Nick had gone through was worth it to get to that moment. When they broke apart, Nick rested his forehead on Jay’s, and felt a little surge of pride at the shakiness of Jay’s breathing.

    “How did that feel, Mr. Gatsby?” There was a beat of silence as Jay tried to compose himself despite that Nick made him come undone so easily. He brought his hands up to either side of Nick’s face.

    “Mr. Carraway,” Jay laughed, his eyes sparkling and sincere, “that felt like a hundred fireworks going up in a thousand different colors.” God, Nick thought, Jay really was a romantic. “Kiss me again, Nick.” And he did.

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone Ch.4

To say that Kim was surprised about who her neighbor is was an understatment. She thought that she left him in her past and that she would never see him again but boy was she wrong. She isnt going to let him ruin her happiness about a new beginning to her life. By Sunday afternoon her apartment was starting to look more like a home, everything was coming together. Later that day she recieved a text from Hailey asking if she would like to get dinner with her and the guys. Of course she agreed, because she wanted to get to know her team.

She showered and got ready for the night and Hailey swung by to pick her up to meet everyone. On the way to the resturant they just made small talk. As they arrived they noticed that the guys arent there yet which Hailey knows they are always late to everything. So as they were seated they just continued with the conversation since they had time to theirselves. Hailey wanted to get to know everything she could about Kim so that they could become friends and tell each other anything, she hasnt had one of those types of friends in a long time. Secertly Kim was hoping for the same thing. Yes, Kim did miss Erin but she honestly know when or even if she would see her and it sucked but she knew it would be this way. Their conversation was interrupted by Adam being well Adam...

Hello beautiful ladies.....sorry we kept you waiting Kevin had to get his hair just right

You guys are fine me and Hailey were just sitting here getting to know each other.

As the guys take their seats the waitress comes and takes their orders,conversation flowing like they had known each other for years and that was the way that being apart of a team was suppose to be. Keving asked the question that was on everyones mind.

Kim, can I ask you a question?

Sure, I have nothing to hide

You were apart of the FBI, what made you want to move from something like the FBI down to a unit like Intellgence?

Honestly, Intellgence is the type of unit that I have always wanted to be in but when I got the offer for the FBI I just couldnt turn it down, it wasnt a horrible job it just wasnt the job for me but I stayed there for 5 years and then a friend of mine said that she knew Sargent Voight and that she would call him and try to set up a meeting with him and try to get a spot on the team & well here we are..

Well I can say that I think that you are going to be a great addition to our team & I cant wait to work side by side with you...Stated Hailey

Thanks Hailey, I cant wait to work with you as well so that we can show Chicago that we are way more badass than the men on our team.

Damn right.. They all laugh

I honestly believe the both of you could prove that no problem....Jay says

Oh he actually speaks...says Kim

Just sitting back observering seeing what everyone is talking about.

She just looks a him, then Hailey interrupts.

Kim if you dont mind me asking who was the friend that helped you?

I dont mind, she actually used to be apart of the team and when she came to the FBI she had nothing but good things to say about the people she used to work with and that she did miss Chicago but it was home. Her name is Erin Lindsey

Everyone around the table looks directly at Jay but Kim was looking down and didnt catch it.

Yeah, Erin made it bareable to be there, I would ask her about her job in Chicago and her old unit and anything that had to say she spoke highly. So I know that I am going to be  in amazing hands. She did say that she had the best partner anyone could ever have and that she really regreted the way that she left. But she thinks that it was for the best that she mad the decision that she did.

Everyone was quite and that Kim did pick up on....did she say something wrong? As she is trying to figure out what was going on, Jay gets up and walks off to the bar...

Did I miss something?

Adam spoke up first....Jay was Erin's old partner & He was head over hills in love with her but she just up and left without an explaination to anybody at all.

All Kim could do was look at Jay..She felt bad, she was building Erin up so much all while Jay was sitting next to her think god knows what. She had to go check on him

Ill be right back guys....she says

She makes her way over to where Jay was. When she arrives next to him, she thought that she would try the same thing she used the first night that she met him.

Is this seat taken?

No, feel free to sit

Listen I am so sorry I didnt know that you and Erin were even together. She told me that you were her partner and thats it.

He downs the shot that was sitting in front of him.

Its not your fault you didnt know anything. Im just trying to finally move on from her and be happy again. I was miserable for such a long time. I think that it is time that I focus on Jay and not worry about much else

I couldnt agree more..You deserve to be happy, you are an amazing guy from the little I know about you and any woman would be lucky to be with you

Thank you Kim, they lock eyes and smile & they stay like for what feels like forever but was maybe 30 seconds. They didn’t know that they had 3 people watching the interaction between the two of them.

If those two don’t end up together it will  truly surprise me, there is so much chemistry between them and they don’t even have to say anything. Hailey says to the boys.

They both agree with her. Even though Adam had to admit that even though he did just meet her he did like her a little and would like to get to know her more. He wouldn’t let that be known. Adam was a tad but jealous and knew that he had no right to be

Ok are you ready to head back over to everyone. Kim asks Jay

Yeah, lets go but I mean if i had to be truthful I could just stay here and just talk to you all night

Well as good as that would be, we didn’t come here alone tonight.

This is true, they both stand up and start to walk back when Kim stops and turns back toward Jay making sure to look at him in his eyes

Maybe sometime this week we could grab drinks and then we could talk as long as we want to...she says with a small smile

Yeah i’m sure that we could arrange something. He smiles and they finally make it back to the table

After about another hour everyone decided that maybe it was time to head home seeing as they all had to be at the same place at the same time in the morning. As they were saying their goodnight’s because they in a few hours they would see each other. Hailey ask Kim if she was ready to go and as she was about to say yes jay spoke up.

Hailey so that you don’t have to go out your way I can give Kim a ride..

Wouldn’t it be out of your as well? Kim ask Jay

Seeing that I live in the same apartment building no it wouldn’t be out of my way.

Kim looks at Hailey, with a kind of what do i do look...

I wouldn’t mind to take her home. But it would make more sense for you two to ride together.

Kim walks up to Hailey and gives her a hugs saying that she would see her tomorrow and whispers in her ear to text her.

Everyone gets in their vehicles to head home, the ride back to their apartment building was quite but it wasn’t an awkward quiet. The radio playing quietly, as they arrive to the apartment they said their goodnight’s and went they went their own ways or so they thought they were. Jay was actually walking behind Kim wondering which  apartment she actually lived in, when she finally stops at her door he lets out a small laugh

Whats funny? She ask curiously

He continues walking as he starts talking and then stops in front of his door.

I guess it looks like we are neighbors...

Huh who knew.... Well at least I know that I like one of my neighbors

Yeah the guy on the other side of you he seems kind of sneaky

You don’t even know the half of it...she says under her breath

What was that? Jay ask

Nothing. Goodnight Jay I will see you in the morning

Goodnight Kim.

They both walk into their apartments and as the door shuts they put their backs against the door with smiles on their faces.

Tomorrow was her first day and she couldn’t wait to get to work....Little did Kim know the her first case that she was going to encounter she was going to have to come face to face with that neighbor that she thought that she left in her past.  

But We’re Your Family!

A/N: Okay, I’m back! Yes, I wanted to end this little series with a happy ending. Let me know what you think! 

Warnings: Language, mentions of sex, and just cute and adorable Damian Wayne.

“This is going to be so fucking awkward,” Jason complains, as we walk up to the front door at Wayne Manor. “I haven’t been here in a long time.”

Yes, after our little anniversary sexy time last night, Jason and I had come to an agreement to celebrate with his family tonight. Despite our anxious nerves, we feared what could happen.

Jason fixes his black tie as we wait for Alfred to answer the door. We dressed up knowing Bruce would want this to be special occasion. There stood my tall boyfriend, wearing a nice black suit that compliments his muscular fit frame. I decided on a short black dress that displays my womanly curves.

And I proudly wear the golden chain necklace with the ‘J’ pendent rearing in front of my chest.

Alfred answers and smiles at us. “Ah, good evening Master Todd and Lady Y/N, come on in. Dinner is about to be served.”

Alfred lets us in, and we follow him to the dining room. The old gentleman has always been pleasant and friendly to me, and I wonder if he’s been like this with all of Jason’s past girlfriends.

Passing by the beautiful, expensive portraits, Jason links his arm to mine to hold.

 What a gentleman. He must have learned after Bruce and Alfred.

 “Perfect timing then, huh? I’m starving,” I joke.

 “Of course,” Alfred says kindly, before eyeing me up and down. He hums to himself and continues walking.

 I raise a questioning eyebrow at Jason. “What was that? Did I say or do something rude?” I whisper to him.

 “No. Maybe he’s just a little on edge since I’m back...in the family and all,” Jason whispers back, his tone revealing how nervous he is being here. “After everything...you know?”

 “You really need to give yourself a break, Jay. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fucks up,” I insist quietly.

 “No one has fucked up the way I have, doll.”

 Just hearing Jason’s voice filled with guilt, disappointment, and anxiety, I feel horrible dragging him back here to the place he hasn’t called home since his falling out with Bruce. Even though Bruce apologized to Jason for beating the shit out of him, Jason’s always been apprehensive and on guard around his family members.

 I suddenly feel like maybe we should leave. If I can’t get him to relax, then leaving would probably be best.

 “If you want to, we can leave right now. I’ll understand,” I say softly. With my other hand, I rub his arm that is encircled with my arm. “I’ll tell them we had to leave because Roy needs help or something.”

 “No,” Jason interrupts but quickly regrets saying it loud to me. “We’re here together, and... I need to face them and get it over with. I love you so fucking much, and I need them to know how I feel about you and why you’re so important to me. We’re endgame, Y/N. This is it for me.”

 Jason halts, and I stop alongside him since our arms are wrapped together. Alfred continues walking, not even noticing we stopped.

 “Endgame? This is it for you?” I ask him seriously. “I don’t understand.”

“Yes, I’m fucking serious doll. You’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I want to be with. If I had to fucking grow up and say what I want for my future, I can honestly say you’re my future and it doesn’t scare me one bit. I mean, Y/N, you’ve changed my life. You’ve changed me...for the better,” Jason continues, feeling his chest tighten with his secret confessions. He lets go of my arm and holds my hands while he stares down at me. Those blue eyes shine with tear drops. “I sure as hell don’t jump into a fight without a plan anymore. Because I gotta stay alive and be smart just so I can get back home to you now. I stopped drinking and smoking so much, because I know it makes you uncomfortable as fuck because of your parents’ bad habits when you were little. I even...talk about my feelings with you because I know I can’t be a closed book if we’re together. You see, Y/N? I’ve never been so serious before in my life, and now all I want is you forever.”

 I smile and kiss his cheek; stunning him, since he believed I would have kissed his lips. “And after everything that’s happened to you, you deserve this. You deserve happiness, Jay,” I reply honestly.

 “Then all I need is you to be happy,” Jason accepts my answer, and sighs as he looks at the dining room near us. “Now let’s go eat dinner with my insane family or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

 “As long as we’re together we can handle your family,” I say.

 Jason exhales again and holds my arm as he leads us into the dining room. The long wooden dining table seems as big as my apartment living room. Bruce is seated at the end, while Dick, Barbara, Tim, and Damian are seated nearby; dressed up as us, too.

 While Dick, Barbara, and Tim offer friendly smiles to us, Bruce looks just as nervous as Jason while Damian scowls at us.

 Bruce stands to greet us. “Jason, Y/N,” Bruce greets us as he pats Jason’s back gently and kisses my hand. “Pleasure to have you here.”

 I blush and giggle from the politeness of Bruce Wayne, while Jason rolls his eyes and scoffs at his father.

 “Come and have a seat,” Bruce says, and guides us to the table. I notice Bruce motions me to sit next to him, but I end up sneaking by Jason, so he could. I could tell they’re both extremely uncomfortable and nervous around each other.

 Jason reluctantly takes a seat beside Bruce, while I sit on the other side of Jason. I immediately frown when Damian makes Tim switch seats with him so Damian could sit next to me for some unknown reason.

 Dressed in identical suits, Dick and Tim almost resemble twins with their dair hair slicked back and those intriguing blue eyes. Damian looks like he could pass off as Jason’s clone; both boys didn’t even bother slicking their hair back as they opted to keep their hair messy and spiked in some parts. Dick and Tim whisper something to each other and then smile at me. Bruce glares at them and gives me a relaxing grin.

 “I think it’s so amazing that you guys just celebrated your two-year anniversary! Do you guys have anything planned for the weekend?” Barbara asks, resting her chin on her hands, as she gazes at us. “Where are you taking Y/N?”

 “Yes, and no, I’m not telling anyone because it’s a surprise,” Jason growls through his teeth at her.

 I didn’t even know Jason planned something for us this weekend. He really must not want anyone to know.

 “Jason did give me this,” I say, pointing to my necklace.

 “That is so beautiful!” Barbara says excitedly.

 “Well, yeah because we all were there when Jason bought it, remember?” Dick reminds her.

 “I’m surprised he didn’t get her a cheap 50 cent ring from the grocery store,” Tim jokes.

 “And once again, fuck you replacement!” Jason says, smirking at Tim.

 “Alright, Jason you let us help you with the anniversary gift but why won’t you tell us what you have planned?” Barbara asks.

 “A weekend trip away sounds very nice. I think Paris is the best choice since it’s a romantic landmark to most,” Tim suggests.

 “I’ve actually never been to Pairs before,” I admit. From the looks of it, the family around me has been there once or many times since they’re all smiling and look lost in thought.

 “You should take her!” Dick cries out dramatically. “It’s so beautiful and romantic!”

 “Dick...” Bruce warns.

 “What?!” Dick whines.

 “T-t.” Damian scoffs.

 Alfred sets down a delicious smelling cooked brisket, with garlic mashed potatoes, buttered corn on the cob, and side salads that look like they came from Olive Garden. My mouth waters at the sight of the food.

 “What’s wrong with Paris?” Tim asks Bruce.

 “Nothing is wrong with Paris, but I guess Jason’s too good to take Y/N to Paris!” Dick joins in.

 “Or maybe he has something else planned,” Barbara tries to reason with Dick.

 “It doesn’t seem like he has a plan at all!” Tim argues.

 “You all need to stop. Now.” Bruce threatens.

 “Tell us your plan! I want to know!” Dick demands.

 “Like I said before, we already have plans!” Jason answers annoyed. “And I’m not telling anyone!”

 I’m about to turn to Jason and ask why he’s so angry about being asked about the weekend, but Damian clears his throat and it stops the arguing as all eyes focus on the blood son.

 “Are we going to ignore the fact that Todd had sexual intercourse with Y/LN and we all watched last night? Are we going to address Y/LN’s role in our family now?” Damian asks curiously.

 It’s silent between all of us. My cheeks burn with embarrassment and I glance over at Jason who’s face, and body has frozen with fear.

 And I’ve never seen Jason afraid until now.

 “Yeah...let’s talk about that. So, I gotta ask! What’s the sex like?” Dick asks, giggling like a child. He looks at Jason and then me repeatedly. He must be very curious to know. “Is he too selfish? Do I need to talk to him and give him pointers? Is there anything I can personally do for you, Y/N?”

 “Dick!” Barbara shouts. She looks humiliated!

 “Oh my God,” I mumble shyly.

 “That’s none of your fucking business, dickhead!” Jason snaps angrily. He stands up to glare at his older brother. “I fucking treat my Y/N like a queen. I fucking love to eat her out, make her cum every time, and hold her after because I know cuddling is a big deal for her when she’s weak and tired. I fucking worship her body, her curves, and her thick thighs because honestly she’s too good for me and I’m even lucky enough to see her naked. I fucking love her and I’m always going to please her. So, the answer to all your questions is: fuck you dickface!”

 Dick stares at Jason with an open mouth and shocked face. Bruce sighs, and rubs his eyes. Tim and Barbara shrug at each other. Damian continues to watch me while Alfred exhales stressfully at everyone.

 I decide I need to fix this before things get worse.

 “Okay, I’m going to answer every question and try to explain things better so everyone understands, is that okay? Damian, yes, Jason and I do have sex. You see, we have sex because we are...” I pause, trying to think clearly where to take his since Damian’s 14-years-old, and wouldn’t want descriptive details. Bruce nods his head in my direction to go on. “We have sex because we’re sexually attracted to each other. It feels good. It feels so good, I mean, REALLY good. We love each other so much that having sex is something couples do when they want to help each other feel good. What you saw last night was exactly that. We were celebrating our two-year anniversary and we didn’t think anyone would see. So, I’m really sorry about that. I can only imagine that watching us could have been a frightening and embarrassing moment for you, but I think when you get older, you’d find it perfectly natural and normal to do.”

 Damian raises an eyebrow. “I wasn’t exactly frightened nor embarrassed, Y/LN. My questions are merely about why you and Todd have sexual intercourse like animals. Todd was on top of you like a lion gets on top of a lioness in the jungle, except he did not penetrate you from behind. You were awfully loud too, as if you were going to cry. And besides your specific choice of sexual positions is also questionable. You allowed Todd to dominate you. But my main concern is if you are using birth control. Because If I know Todd and I unfortunately do, I can honestly say he would try to impregnate you to keep you for himself. Now tell me, Y/LN, you’re not against having children, are you? And if not, are you both using all types of protection during sexual intercourse?” Damian asks with complete fascination.

 Whether he’s genuinely curious or if he’s trying to start more trouble, I can tell Damian is clearly naive about relationships.

 Jason spits out his drink. He chokes and hits his chest to clear his throat.

 “WHAT?!” Jason shouts.

 “I am merely asking because I want a nephew. I have already seen you two engage in animalistic sex, and everyone with a brilliant mind knows sex is purely for procreation. Now, when shall I receive my nephew?” Damian asks me. “Nine months, correct? I hope I don’t have to wait until next year for you two to start reproducing.”

 I can feel the sweat running down my back. All eyes are on me, and I can tell we’re all uncomfortable with Damian’s questions.

 “I-I... uh...you see, Damian...” I trail off unsurely.

 “Do you want children, Y/LN?” Damian asks.

 “Uh, of course I do. I just-” I ramble on until Jason touches my hand on the table to tell me I can stop talking.

 “We’re waiting for kids, demon spawn,” Jason finally answers. His hands clench into fists on the table, and I can see his strong jawline tightening. Jason finally is able to pull off the Bat glare because Dick, Tim, and Barbara are forced to look away from him.

 “Well, why the hell would you wait, Todd?! Y/LN is clearly out of your league, and if you cannot give her what she wants, then you have no business being with her,” Damian argues back.

 “Damian!” Bruce yells.

 “What? I’m just asking what everyone else is obsessing about!” Damian defends himself.

Alfred clears his throat. We all look at him and notice he’s not pleased with us. “If I must say, I believe Master Todd and Lady Y/N will discuss their future plans when they are ready to. And I have always been correct when it comes to you children so let me put your uneasy minds at rest: they will get married and have children. And do you know how I know that? Well, I believe after every tragedy or hardships a person must go through, there is a positive light at the end of the darkness for them. You see, darkness and pain are what makes us stronger, and when we become stronger, we are then gifted with the people we love. It’s as if it’s life’s way of paying us back, and I believe Master Todd is being given a second chance at life and he deserves it so. I believe you all deserve it as well. But I believe Lady Y/N is Jason’s gift from life, and I sure hope he doesn’t bloody well screw it up!” Alfred explains.

 Jason glances at me smiling. “I’d like to believe she’s my gift from life,” Jason admits.

 “You know Jason, we may have had our problems in the past, but I know for a fact she is your gift from life. Just follow your heart and be happy. That’s all I want for you and your brothers,” Bruce says kindly.

 “Thanks Bruce,” Jason says gratefully.

 Jason swiftly stands up as Bruce, and the two hug each other. Everyone smiles and tells them it’s about time they made up. Dick quickly grabs Tim and Damian, so they join in the family hug, as well as Alfred. Barbara and I laugh but stay seated since it’s a Batboy thing.

 “I’m sorry about talking about mine and Jason’s sex life,” I apologize to Barbara. “I just didn’t think we had animalistic sex, though.”

 “You know Y/N, if it makes you feel any better, Dick is definitely a mime in bed,” Barbara confesses laughing. “He’s just as dramatic in bed as he is with people.”

 “Hey! I am not a mime!” Dick shouts. He’s clearly offended, as he pulls away from the Batboy hug. “I just…make things interesting!”

 The men and boys return to the table to sit and serve themselves dinner, finally.

 “Sometimes there are no words or facial expressions,” Barbara continues to tease Dick.

 “That’s really creepy, Dick,” Tim admits.

 “I’m not a mime!” Dick protests.

 Even Bruce and Alfred get into it.

 “Try to say a few words and make some facial expressions, Dick,” Bruce chuckles.

 “Yes, Master Grayson. Do not frighten Lady Barbara anymore,” Alfred adds.

 As the rest of them continue to embarrass Dick, Damian scoffs and looks back at me. “Now Y/LN, shall I start seeing you as a sister-in-law, since it’s clear Todd is never going to let you go?” he asks.

 “I think you can,” I answer. I gasp when Jason kisses my cheek and holds me.

 “You definitely can, demon spawn.”

 Just when we are eating and enjoying each other’s company, Damian slowly looks up at everyone and smiles.

 “I would still like to know when I’ll receive a nephew since I would like to volunteer to train him and be the best Robin when I become Batman one day,” Damian confesses, and turns to Jason and me specifically. “Perhaps you should be impregnated soon, Y/LN. So that way my nephew will be born in spring; the significant birth date as a baby Robin being born in the season of beginning life.”

 “I like that idea a lot,” Bruce admits.

 “Can we just get through this dinner first?” I ask nervously.

 “Just give us a hint! A clue!” Dick and Barbara shout out.

 “No!” Jason yells.

 Alfred, Bruce, Dick, Barbara, Tim, and Damian all shout: “But we’re your family!”

 After dinner, I was graciously welcomed into the family. As Jason and I walk back to his car, he stops me. “What’s wrong?” I ask. Did we forget something?

 Jason kisses me. The way our lips fit, and touch makes us both breathless.

 “Nothing is wrong. I’m just appreciating and being thankful for life giving you to me,” Jason whispers.

 “Me too Jason.”

 “And I think when we get home, we should start practicing for…you know,” Jason chuckles and kisses my cheek. “I mean, if we’re going to have a baby in spring, it’s gonna take a lot of dirty fun to make it happen.”

“Oh Jason,” I sigh, and roll my eyes.

“Remember doll, life gave me you,” Jason reminds me. “I’m never letting you go, Y/N.”

“And life gave you to me, and I would never let you go.”

Never.

Hooked ➸ Morgan Rielly

this is so??? long??? i didnt mean for it to get so long but here we are ig

ALSO i know the scenes with her friends are a little different from what i usually write, but thats honestly how i am with my own friends so i wrote it from my personal experience. let me know what you think!

also keep in mind that the reader is a woc and so are her friends (again, based off of personal experiences, and slang is how we talk where i grew up)

based off of the song hooked by why don’t we

words: 3.5k+

summary: you didn’t expect to run into the Maple Leafs captain at your favorite little bar in New York, but you did. you’re a die hard Rangers fan, and now he’s set on convincing you that not all of Toronto is so bad.

warnings: smut, morgan is a cocky bastard, alcohol, woc reader, hoodrat antics and slang (based off where im from, idk if its the same in ny but yk)

find my masterlist here

listen to hooked by why don’t we here

Ooh... (you got a bad... you got... you got, yeah)

You’d met Morgan at a bar after the Leafs had playing the Rangers. You were out with a couple friends at a bar after getting dinner at some drive thru and eating and laughing at a viewpoint that your group loved. In had come a group of men, not one under 6’0. You hated yourself for recognizing them immediately. Growing up watching most professional sports caused you to recognize prospects and players of each of them, and to be specifically able to recognize the build of each type of athlete.

You’d locked eyes with Morgan across the room, and a smirk had pulled at his lips when he saw the Rangers hoodie that you were wearing, along with gray ripped jeans. You and your friends had dressed comfortable, not looking to get all dressed up for anyone. All of you were wearing jeans or leggings, and hoodies.

“What’s up, Y/N? You good?” your friend Justine nudges you, dragging your eyes back to her.

You lean in to her so she can hear your next words. “Hockey players,” you murmur. “From Toronto.” Your friend wrinkles her nose in disgust. You’d all grown up together, diehard fans of your city’s teams. The two of you look back over at the group, who had now dragged two tables together to fit everyone. You catch Morgan’s eye again, and this time he smiles wickedly, swiping his tongue along his bottom lip and dragging his eyes up and down your figure.

“That one looks like he wants to fuck you in his car.” You let out a burst of laughter at her words, though you know she’s not exactly wrong. “That’s the captain isn’t it? Morgan Rielly?” You only nod in response, not breaking eye contact with him - a challenge. He beckons for you to come over there, but you only sneer at him, turning back to the conversation at the table.

It isn't long until you can feel a presence at your back. “Hi,” comes a deep rumbling from behind you. You turn to look up at him.

“Morgan Rielly,” you say shortly. Your girls have gone quiet, watching the interaction with wide eyes.

“Hot Rangers fan,” he responds, the teasing in his tone clear.

“Good game, Cap” Justine chirps, the disdain clear in her voice. Morgan’s face breaks out into a wide smile. The game had gone into a shootout, the Leafs coming out on top by only one goal.

“Thank you!” he says cheerfully, grinning at the compliment even at Justine’s passive aggressiveness. “It was tough and we both played well.” Justine rolls her eyes, clicking her tongue at you and raising her eyebrows. You do the same back to her, a smirk playing at your lips. After the interaction between you and Justine, the other girls seem to catch on. The 6 of you were all athletes and had used clicking your tongue as a way to communicate that you were feeling some type of way about someone, something, or the opposing team since high school. It was you, Justine, Aly, Lauren, Jalin, and Deja.

You've got a bad reputation in my neighborhood

You drive me mad with temptation 'cause it tastes so good

Morgan brushes his knuckles against your arm to catch your attention. “What’s your name?” You tell him and he repeats it, causing an involuntary shiver to run down your back, straight to your core. “Can I buy you a drink?” Justine snorts next to you, and you smile knowingly at her.

“That's pretty bold of you,” you say.

“Oh yeah?” Morgan challenges, “Why’s that?”

“You’re in Ranger’s territory-” Justine sneers.

“-you’re definitely out of your element-” Aly continues.

“-with a big ass ego flirting with our girl here-” Jalin hums.

“-and we’re pretty obviously Rangers fans-” Lauren says.

“-after a pretty tough loss,” Deja quips. “So maybe that’s where all your confidence is coming from but-”

“-this is our hood,” you finish. “And you’re playing a dangerous game.”

You know I wouldn't walk away even if I could

It took one night, one try, ay

Damn, I'm hooked (oh)

“Your hood, huh?” an amused, and slightly awed, smile plays on his lips. “I play a dangerous game for a living, Y/N, one I’m pretty good at, in fact. I think I can handle you. All of you, actually. Even with this weird in sync thing you girls have going on here.”

“We’re just on the same wavelength,” you grin at your friends, and they all smile back at you and smirk at Morgan.

“One drink?” Morgan wagers, “If you decide that you can’t handle my stupidly handsome and talented self, then you’re welcome to leave me wherever I am.”

“One drink,” you say, nudging Justine with your elbow as you stand. Morgan’s hand on your back feels hot, even through multiple layers as he leads you to the bar. You raise an eyebrow when he pulls a stool out for you, and he simply shrugs, giving you a small smile that almost seems...shy.

You were there when I was low, you held me high

And, baby, when you take control, we can go all night

Morgan was a lot more fun than you had been expecting, he made you laugh until you were in tears. But he also made you shudder when he looked at you, eyes gone dark. Your stomach knotted itself, the low ache of arousal in your core making it difficult to focus on what he was saying.

There were times when his teammates would come up to whisper something in his ear, and you would be thrown back into reality. No matter how fine and funny he is, this man is a Leaf. But then he’d look back at you with those eyes and bite his lip and all of those thoughts flew out the window.

Needless to say, he’d asked you to come back to his hotel, and spent hours with his head between your thighs. He murmured praises against your skin, along with “C’mon, come for me, the Leafs don’t seem all that bad now, huh?”

“Fuck you!” you groaned, tugging at his hair.

“As you wish.” You wanted to slap the grin off Morgan’s face, but then he was sinking into you and oh shit. He was long and thick and felt so good. “Fuuuuuck, Y/N,” he moans, “You feel so fucking good, baby.” He was intent on making you admit that not all the Leafs were as bad as you thought, and you spent the rest of the whining and squirming underneath him.

Every single place we go, you start a fight

But then you kiss my neck and take a bite

Morgan had come back multiple times over the course of the next 6 months, inexplicably finding you every time. Granted, you frequented the bar he’d first seen you at many times. But somehow the night always ended with the two of you in either his hotel room or your apartment. He stopped trying to bring up hockey after the fourth time you’d fucked, knowing that as much as it helped rile you up so he could bring you back down with wet kisses pressed into your neck, it pissed you off.

Something you found out on the first night, was that Morgan loved to bite. He had a thing for marking ‘what was his’ as he put it, but with your brain foggy with arousal, you chose to overlook the comment. Besides, you liked being marked up by him, it gave you something to keep from him every time he left again. He was good, an attentive lover, and everything you wanted in a partner. But again, he was a Leaf, and it wouldn't work.

Everybody says I'm sleeping with the enemy

I don't even care if you're gonna be the death of me, me, me

You hated Toronto, the thought of moving there made you sick. And worse, Morgan would be there. The one-turned two-turned three-turned however many night stands with the Maple Leafs captain had only strengthened your cold feet about taking this position in Toronto. It wasn’t the fact that you were moving, you’d moved many times in your life, but New York would always be home.

“You sure you’ll be okay over there?” Jalin’s concerned voice came through your phone. A chorus of questions came after that from the rest of the girls.

“Don't worry, Jay,” you respond, placing the call on speaker so you could move some boxes around, “All of you, don't worry. It’s not super permanent, and I’ll be back eventually.” You could tell that Jalin didn't believe a single word out of your mouth, and honestly, neither did you. But this was too good of an opportunity to pass up in your company, and you’d be damned if your hate for the city and its sports teams was going to keep you from taking it.

“You let us know if you need us okay?” Deja piped up, “You know we’ll get over there ASAP. We’ll drive or fly it doesn't matter.”

“I know Dej, I love you guys, but I’ll be okay.” After assuring your friends that you’d be alright, multiple times, you ended the call, placing your hands on your hips and surveying the boxes piled up in your new apartment. You’d avoided thinking about Morgan for weeks, since you got the offer for a promotion, but now he’d snuck back into your head. You shook your head to clear thoughts of running into him here, pulling on a Rangers hoodie and grabbing your keys. Besides, it wasn't like there was anything you could do about it, you didn't even have his number.

You've got a bad reputation in my neighborhood

You drive me mad with temptation 'cause it tastes so good

You pause the music coming through your headphones when you walk into a coffee shop two blocks away from your apartment, lingering awkwardly near to the door as you survey your options on the menu behind the bar. You jump when a pair of arms wrap around your upper body, pulling you against a strong chest that felt all too familiar.

“Looks like you’re in my hood now,” he hums, dropping his head to your shoulder. “What do you think you’re doing walking around wearing a Rangers hoodie in Leafs territory?”

“Hello to you too, Morgan,” you lean back against the giant of a man behind you, letting your hands trail over his bare forearms.

“Mmmm,” he drops kisses along your neck and jaw. “What’re you doing in Toronto?”

“Work,” you turn around in his arms as you answer. “Got a promotion offer that I couldn't refuse.” Morgan’s eyes light up.

“Congratulations!” he grins at you, “And welcome to Toronto. Let me buy you coffee? I can show you around?”

You know I wouldn't walk away even if I could

It took one night, one try, ay

Damn, I'm hooked

You should've said no. You should've said no. But you didn't. Because you couldn't resist him, he was like a drug that you couldn't escape. The feeling of his lips alone was enough to get you addicted, much less his arms, his voice, his thighs, his hands, his cock...

Ooh... I'm hooked

You let Morgan pay for your coffee as well as his own, and he made conversation as you waited for your drinks, asking you about your job, the move, and your new apartment.

Ooh... I know that I shouldn't touch but you twist my arm

'Cause I can never get enough once the feeling starts

You shouldn't have taken his hand when he offered it to you leaving the café. You shouldn't have let him lead you through the streets of Toronto. You shouldn't have let him point out tourist attractions, and good restaurants, and his favorite places in the city as you walked.

Baby, I'm the gasoline and your kiss is the spark

But then you take the wheel and crash my car

You shouldn't have let him walk you home. You shouldn't have let him keep holding your hand. You shouldn't have let him kiss you.

And you shouldn't have invited him in.

Everybody says I'm sleeping with the enemy

I don't even care if you're gonna be the death of me, me, me

Mo didn't seem to mind the mess of unpacked boxes stacked around your living room, too focused on finding the one spot on your neck that made you lose your breath.

“Bedroom?” he mumbles, not waiting for an answer before biting down roughly on your neck.

“Fuck, Morgan,” you whine, “Down the hall, last door.” You’re too small for him to keep bending down to kiss you, even on your tippy-toes, so he just picks you up and wraps your legs around his waist. He takes his time making his way down the hallway, content to just kiss you and mark you up.

“I love how tiny you are,” he hums after leaving another hickey. “Makes it easy to move you when I fuck you.”

You moan out at his words before saying, “Everybody’s tiny compared to you, Mo.”

He pulls back a moment to look at you in surprise. He’s standing in the doorway of your bedroom, still holding you, when he says, “Are you - oh my god, are you chirping me?” You huff at the lack of contact and drop your lips to his neck without an answer. “Oh shit honey,” he groans while you suck on his neck. “You markin’ me up? Huh? Like marking your territory? Yeah, I bet - fuck.” You cut him off by sinking your teeth into his shoulder and that’s definitely gonna hurt in the morning.

You've got a bad reputation in my neighborhood

You drive me mad with temptation 'cause it tastes so good

Mo’s got you on your back, your shirt is still on, hoodie thrown on the bed next to you, and he’s dragging your jeans down your legs when your phone rings. You whine when Morgan pauses to grab your phone from the pocket of your discarded hoodie, glancing at the screen before handing it to you.

“It’s Jalin, answer it.” The command is short, and then his lips are on your thighs, pulling your jeans the rest of the way off.

“Mo-”

“Answer it.”

“Hey J, what’s up?” you know you sound breathless as you answer, but you hope she’ll over look it.

“Hey, Y/N-”

“Put it on speaker,” Morgan murmurs against your skin. You gape down at him but do as you’re told.

“Look, I know you said you’re all good in Toronto,” she starts, and you know that she’s alone now, the other girls probably having left. “But I just - you gotta be careful, ma, you’re in enemy territory now, you can’t go around reppin’ NY.”

“J, I’m not stupid,” you answer, trying to keep your voice under control as Mo trails his lips closer to the center of your thighs. “I can handle it, imma keep reppin’ and you know I’ll just fucking deck anyone if they try and start something they can’t finish.”

Morgan chuckles softly against your core, causing you to squirm at the warm gust of air that washes over you. “Shut the fuck up,” you say before you can stop yourself.

“Uh, what?” Shit.

“Yikes,” Morgan says, loud enough so that Jalin can here.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N, are you with Morgan?” Jalin sounds exasperate, but not surprised.

“Yeah Jay, and you’re on speaker-oh shit.” You force a whine down as Morgan wraps his lips around your clit, sucking the bud into his mouth.

“Y/N, are you-? You know what, nevermind,” Jalin groans. “Call me back when you’re done fucking the enemy’s captain.”

“Got it,” you say quickly, ending the call as soon as the words are out of your mouth. “Oh, fuck, Mo, yeah, just like that.” Morgan seems to glow at your praise, humming as he sucks harder on your clit and drags two fingers along your slit.

“They know about us?” Morgan murmurs against your core, curling his fingers so that your back arches and a breathy moan escapes your lips. Us. He thought of you two as an us? Before you can get too wrapped up in your head he shoves another finger inside you, growling, “I asked you a question.”

You cry out at the action. “Yes, yes they do,” you whine, reaching down to tangle your fingers in his hair. “They knew after the first ni - fuck - first night. We - oh shit please - we don't keep secrets.”

He doesn't answer, only humming against your cunt again and whispering “Oh shit honey, I missed how good you taste.” You can only whine again, rocking your hips up towards his mouth. Morgan growls and lands a sharp slap on your thigh, making you yelp, before splaying his hand across your stomach to hold you down.

“You’re gonna come,” Morgan states - it’s not a question - “You’re gonna come for me, baby, all over my fingers and my face.” His fingers curl again, the pads of his fingertips pressing into your g-spot while his thumb presses down on your clit. You feel like he's holding you from the inside out and the pleasure is almost too much, thrashing against his hold.

You know I wouldn't walk away even if I could

It took one night, one try, ay

“Hold still,” Morgan snarls, holding you in place so that you can't escape. Even if you could, you're not sure that you would. You sob out, desperate for him to make you come, but everything is so much, too much. You can't stop yourself from squirming against his grips, the obscene sound of his mouth on your wetness and little gasps leaving your mouth - “ah, ah, ah” - the only noise in the room.

You scream when Morgan nips at your clit, the slight pain from his teeth only adding to your downfall. “Please, Mo, pleasepleasepleaseplease,” you moan, scrambling to hold onto him, push him away from your cunt. “Too much, too much, please.” He only growls again, keeping you pinned down with impossibly strong arms and sucking roughly at your clit. You let out a shrieking moan as you’re thrown into orgasm, the peak ripping through you so hard that you go blind for what seems like forever.

Morgan doesn't let up, his fingers cruelly continuing their exploration of your walls and his tongue circling your clit. Even as you start to come down, Morgan doesn't slow, intent on torturing you into another orgasm. “Fuck, Mo, please, I can't-”

“You can and you will,” Morgan growls. “Shut up and take it.”

You can’t say no to him. You don't want to say no to him.

So you let him bring you to the edge again, and again, and again. He makes you come with his tongue another 3 times, not once letting up to give you a break, and then he fucked you through another two orgasms, collapsing beside you when he finally came inside you.

Damn, I'm hooked

Ooh... I'm hooked

“How long are you staying?” Morgan murmurs against your skin later. You’d spent a couple hours in bed after your little escapade, though you should have been unpacking. His lips and tongue and fingers had been tracing patterns into your skin all over your body.

“Indefinitely,” you whispered into his hair. Morgan could most likely sense your sadness at the thought, and looks up at you with soft eyes.

“Hey,” he croons, cupping your cheek. “It’s not so bad here. I know it’s not New York, but you’re not totally alone, sweetheart, you’ve got me.”

“Mo,” you sigh, giving in to the soft kiss Morgan places on your lips, before he buries his face in your neck again. “Every time we’ve run into each other has been circumstantial, I’m not gonna wait around waiting to bump into you at a coffee shop or bar again.”

“Well then,” he hums, and you can feel his smile against the soft skin of your neck. “Y/N I-don’t-know-your-last name, I would like to take this moment to formally ask you for your phone number. Will you do me the honor of putting your number in my phone?”

“Ask me later, when I wake up,” you whisper, slowly drifting off, “I might say yes.”

You got me under your influence

I swear I'm never gonna give you up, up, up, up, up, up, up!

Morgan took you for breakfast the next morning. And then he took you for coffee the day after. And kissed you in front of your front door. And then offered to make you dinner at his place. And then kissed you again.

No matter what came up, he always made sure to check in and make sure you didn't get the chance to hate Toronto too much, especially not when he was with you. It was all too domestic and soft and you couldn't help the way he made you feel.

You've got a bad reputation in my neighborhood

You drive me mad with temptation 'cause it tastes so good

You know I wouldn't walk away even if I could

It took one night, one try, ay

Damn, I'm hooked

Your friends going to kill you, but you can’t help but smile every time you remember the first night, and thank yourself for letting Morgan take you home.

Ooh... I'm hooked

Ooh... I'm hooked, oh

something you could almost label as love | pjs

↬ series: tatts & cupcakes | chapter 12 ↬ pairing: park jongseong / jay x reader ft. all members + i-land k ↬ genre: enhypen single dad au | ceo!jay | single dad!jay | baker!reader | single mom!reader | fluff | slight angst ↬ navi: beginning | previous chapter | next | series masterlist ↬ warnings: none ↬ word count: 2.1k ↬ a/n:

hi everyone !! tatts & cupcakes is back :)) idk if anyone still remembers it at this point or even wants to continue reading the series 😭 but thank you for all the interactions while i was ia on this blog 🥺 <3

i haven’t updated in a while so if i missed anyone on the taglist pls lmk also tumblr was being a dum dum and i couldn’t tag a few ppl so if you’re one of them i’m sorry 😪

You felt your palms sweating as you opened the door to reveal K, Heeseung, and Jake. While you weren’t worried about Ni-ki going out with Heeseung and Jake, you were nervous about him going out with K. Ni-ki didn’t know K was his father which was something you and K decided not to reveal until Ni-ki got more comfortable with K which was why they were going to the nearby plaza to shop with Heeseung, Jake, and Jungwon. Sunghoon would stop by the bakery later today to pick up the lunch you had offered to make and pack for them all.

“You good?” Heeseung asked, squeezing your shoulder as an act of reassurance. You nodded and took a deep breath, watching cautiously as Jungwon and Ni-ki went up to K and Jake.

“Just nervous, I guess.”

“I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong, don’t worry,” Heeseung said causing you to smile at him. Jay and Sunoo were going to spend the day together at home, something that you suggested in hopes of easing Jay’s stress. If Jay saw for himself how well Sunoo had gotten, he’d feel better about letting him go back to school tomorrow. After they left you saw Sunoo sulking on the couch, arms crossed and lips formed in a pout. Sitting next to him,

“What’s wrong bubs?”

“I wanted to go with them!” You sighed, petting his hair,

“I know, I know. But at least you’ll go to school tomorrow, right? You’ll get to see all your friends again!” you said in what hopefully sounded like a cheery tone. Yet still, Sunoo didn’t seem satisfied.

“How about I make you tteokboki for lunch tomorrow, will that help cheer you up?” At those words, Sunoo’s eyes up lit up and you knew that there was your sunshine. As much as Sunoo didn’t want you do, you had to leave to open up the bakery.

“I can drop you off,” Jay offered as you were putting your things in your bag.

“It’s ok, really Jay, thank you. Have fun at home with Sunoo, ok?” While you had left in a frenzy, there was now an extra thought added to Jay’s mind. “At home,” you called it. Yours and Ni-ki’s he wanted it to be.

You enjoyed your morning at the bakery, chatting with regulars, and giving out freebies to the cute little kids that stopped by with their parents. When Sunghoon stopped by, you set a picnic basket on the counter, about to explain the food inside when you suddenly received a call from the landlady of your and Ni-ki’s apartment.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Hi, you live in Apartment 22, right?” you heard from the other side of the line.

“Yes, I do.”

“Everyone needs to evacuate and pack up their things by tonight, there’s a rat infestation and the exterminators say that it’ll take 2 weeks until anyone can return to the building.”

“A rat infestation?” Why the hell was there a rat infestation and why was she telling you now?

“I’m sorry, hon. Everyone needs to pack what they can by 3 pm.” Checking the time, on your phone, it was only 11:21.

“Thanks for letting me know, I’ll leave right now,” was all you could say before ending the call. Sunghoon looked at you with a worried expression on his face,

“Rat infestation?” he asked. You nodded,

“Me and Ni-ki’s apartment, apparently it’ll take two weeks.”

“The two of you are staying at Jay’s place, though.”

“Yeah, but Ni-ki and I were gonna move out the day after tomorrow.”

“Just stay for two more weeks.”

“Hoon, I can’t do that. It’s not fair.”

“To Jay? I don’t think he’d mind if you two-”

“Not to Jay,” you muttered.

“Jungwon and Sunoo? But they like having their Ni-ki dongsaeng around.”

“To me! Sunghoon, it’s not fair to me!” you admitted.

“I- wait what?”

“I just, it’s not,” you took a deep breath, “Jay is good to me and Ni-ki, I know he is. But there’s just so much happening with Sunoo recovering and K returning. I can’t keep living with Jay, Jungwon, and Sunoo acting as if this whole situation is normal.”

“Do you want it to be?”

“What?”

“Living with Jay, being with his kids, do you want it to be normal?” You almost scoffed at the question,

“Of course I do, who wouldn’t?”

“Then make it normal.”

“Hoon, it’s not that easy. Getting into a relationship with three kids involved is messy and stupid and not the kind of heartbreak I’m willing to put anyone through.”

“Who says it’ll end in heartbreak.”

“That’s the only way I see this ending.”

“Open your eyes then.”

You quickly closed the bakery then rushed to your apartment and somehow, Jay and Sunoo were already there. Sunghoon probably told them.

“Hey,” Jay said as you walked up to them.

“You didn’t have to show up.”

“Of course I did, you and Ni-ki are staying for longer and I should help you move your stuff.”

“Jay, I don’t wanna be a bother. Ni-ki and I can spend the two weeks in a hotel, it’s fine.” Your tone was colder than anything that Jay had ever felt before.

“Are you uncomfortable? Living with me, I mean. Because if you are, I’m sorry.”

You wanted to tell him. Wanted to tell you that he made you weak with his soft gazes and sudden smile. Wanted to tell him that he made you regret how you had gotten so accustomed to his warmth that you probably wouldn’t be able to sleep without it. Wanted to tell him how he gave you hope, maybe love was in the cards for you one day. Wanted to tell him how he made you dream of the picture-perfect life you once thought was stupid. He made you weak, regret, hope, and dream in all the ways you didn’t know were possible but never were you uncomfortable.

“I just don’t wanna keep mooching off of you in your own house.”

“Really, I don’t mind if you and Ni-ki stay for longer. After all, what’s another two weeks?”

“You’re sure?”

“I am.”

“Pinky promise,” you said, bringing up your hand. He smiled as he interlocked your pinkies together and let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in.

You packed as many as your and Ni-ki’s clothes that you could, in the process bringing a couple of your blankets and little trinkets that you felt comfortable with. While you were in the car with Jay and Sunoo, the trunk filled to the brim with your and Ni-ki’s things.

“Are you really sure it’s ok that I brought so much stuff?”

“Don’t worry.”

“What if there’s not enough space? Your closet’s already full and Ni-ki’s toys might get everywhere.” Jay’s hand moved away from the gearshift and gravitated towards your hand, his thumb rubbing soothing circles,

“We’ll make space.”

The rest of the day went by easily, the guys decided to stay for dinner, and being with K for a longer period of time went by better than you expected. Before you and Jay fell asleep the two of you made a plan for tomorrow since it was Sunoo’s first day back at school. Sometime throughout the night, you woke up to go to the bathroom. After getting out of the bathroom and heading back to the bed,

“No,” you heard with what almost sounded like a whimper, causing you to turn on the lights to see Jay in bed with his eyes closed.

“Jay?”

“I-it’ll, it’ll be ok,” you heard him mutter, seeing him twitch slightly. Tears escaped his eyes as he muttered incoherent words. He was having a nightmare.

“Jay!” you exclaimed, shaking him slightly in hopes that it’d be enough for him to wake up but he stayed within the depths of his nightmare. Not knowing what else to do, you lightly slapped his cheeks, and somehow, that had work. The upper half of his body rose up, eyes frantic as they looked around the room, and only seemed to calm down when they settled on you. You feel him hug you, an action you returned by running your hand through his hair and rubbing his back as he panted heavily trying to return his breathing back to normal.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” you asked cautiously.

“We were in the hospital again. But this time,” he let out a shaky breath, his hold on you tightening, “Sunoo didn’t, he didn’t, love, I, I can’t-” Jay couldn’t bring himself say it out loud but you didn’t need to hear the words to know what he dreamt. Sunoo didn’t make it out alive.

“It’s ok, just keep breathing with me, yeah? Your boys are safe and sound in their room and Sunoo’s going back to school tomorrow, well, technically later. We made a plan, remember?” He nodded, seeming to calm down slightly.

“What was the plan? Repeat it to me.”

“We were gonna wake up early and make breakfast for the boys and pack all their favorite things for lunch. Tteokboki, curry buns, and bungeoppang. We’ll drop them off at school, I’ll drop you off at the bakery then head to work. I’ll pick them up, we’ll go to the bakery to pick you up, then go home.”

“And that’s exactly what we’re gonna do, ok?”

“Ok.” You and Jay ended up laying down afterward but he seemed like he was too shaken up to be able to sleep and honestly, so were you.

“Let’s bake cupcakes.”

“Right now?” You nodded, the hint of a smile playing on the corners of your lips,

“Right now.” Baking cupcakes with Jay at a time in the morning when you should’ve been asleep gave you a sense of comfort you didn’t realize you needed and he seemed to feel the same way. In order to not wake up the boys, you needed to stay quiet, talking in low tones and hushed whispers but neither of you seemed to mind. As the cupcakes were cooling and you were stirring the frosting, a shiver ran down your spine. Something that Jay had taken note of. You felt his presence behind you, confirmed as his chest pressed against your back, arms wrapping around you as his hands rubbed up and down your arms.

“Should I turn up the heat, love?” you heard him ask. Love, he called you, love. It was nothing new to hear Jay call you that but in this moment, you came to a realization. In love was what the past few weeks felt like. Yet despite this, a thought lingered in the back of your mind. What happened when the warmth faded? What happened after two weeks and you and Ni-ki had to move back to your apartment? What happened when the cocoon of warmth you spent so allowing yourself to get enwrapped turned to ice? What happened when you had to return back to reality? You were brought out of your thoughts at the sound of Jay calling your name, asking for confirmation to turn up the heat. But instead,

“If you did then there’d be no reason to stay like this,” you replied teasingly with a smile on your face. The charm of the necklace he gave you shimmered under the kitchen lights as it rested around your neck. Jay wanted nothing more than to tilt your chin upwards and kiss you right then and there. Wanted to show you how much you meant to him. Wanted to love you in all the ways that words could never do it justice. He was so caught up in his thoughts, mesmerized by your smile, and entranced by this whole situation that he hadn’t realized what had just happened when something cool was felt at the tip of his nose, then, on his cheek and he heard a laugh from you.

“Did you just- don’t tell me there’s frosting on my face right now.”

You weren’t quite sure what possessed you to perform your following actions in the next moments. Maybe it was lack of sleep. Maybe it was how close Jay was to you that you couldn’t help but want to be closer to him. Maybe it was the way your mind grew hazy with only one thought and one alone on your mind.

You couldn’t help it when you let go of the spatula.

Couldn’t stop yourself when you got on your tiptoes.

Couldn’t hold back from wrapping your arms around his neck and your fingers playing with the edges of his hair.

“There’s no frosting on your face.” Eyes looking in his for any signs of hesitancy, all you saw was something you could almost label as love. But you didn’t dare.

“No? Then what’s on my face?”

“Well on your lips,” closing the distance between your lips and his so that it was mere centimeters, “are mine,” you whispered before your eyes fluttered shut and the distance closed.

❦ written by riri ( @enhykkul​ ) | next | series masterlist

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Jason, Meet John Constantine

I saw this post yesterday about Jason. The OP (asexualarkhamknight) put the idea out there that since Jason died and came back, he’s able to see ghosts and other non-living beings. One day John Constantine shows up to exorcise a demon and remarks that he’s never seen so many spirits drawn to someone before.

Of course my brain went ‘WRITE SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY’, so here we are.

This is my first attempt at writing John Constantine, so beware. There’s a mention of some blood, but nothing graphic, and a swear word or two.

Tim was the first to notice it.

Jason hadn’t been back that long, maybe eight months, when they encountered each other at a crime scene. Jason was already there wrapping things up when Tim arrived. He acknowledged Tim with a nod. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Tim said, approaching carefully. There was a tentative truce happening at the moment and he didn’t want to stir things up. “Want any help?” Jason yanked on the end of the flex cuffs around the man’s wrists, tightening them painfully. The guy he had pinned to the ground hissed. “Watch it, prick! That hurts!” Jason dug his knee in harder, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at him. “Tell that to the woman you attacked, asshole.” Tim heard muffled crying from somewhere behind him and went to check it out, carefully peering around the corner. A young woman was huddled on the ground, clutching her coat against her chest and crying. Tim approached slowly, making noise so she could hear him. “Are you alright? Do you need anything?” She sniffled and looked up at him, shaking her head. “N-no. I’m okay. My roommate is coming to get me once the cops get here.” Tim went back to where Jason was standing only to find him staring at something. His posture was rigid and he’d removed his helmet. Behind the domino, his eyes were wide and he was holding his breath. He stopped beside Jason and turned to see what he was looking at but saw nothing but the darkness and shadows in the alley. “Hood?” Tim asked quietly. Tim’s voice seemed to shake him out of his trance and Jason cleared his throat loudly. “You got this? I need to be somewhere.” “Sure. You call GCPD?” Jason nodded and put his helmet back on, grappling up and disappearing. Tim took one last glance at what Jason had been staring at but saw nothing. He knew Jason wasn’t at one hundred percent at the moment (why would he be, after everything he’d been through), but he had a feeling whatever Jason saw was real enough to actually scare him. And that frightened Tim, just a little.

Weeks later Dick was the next to observe the strange behavior.

He climbed to the roof of the Arkham medical facility, heaving himself up over the edge and laying on his back for a moment trying to catch his breath. He and Jason finished clearing the building of rioters when Jason disappeared suddenly.  Dick knew where he’d be; they all tended to seek some altitude when things got rough and Jason was no exception. He was sitting on the roof facing Gotham Bay, staring into the night sky. It was only about an hour until dawn, so it wasn’t nearly as dark as it had been when the riot first started. Dick could see Jason’s helmet sitting a few feet from him, seemingly ripped off and tossed aside, based on the scuff marks. Jason tensed momentarily and reached into his jacket as Dick approached, but relaxed when Dick sat next to him. He kept about two feet of space between them; according to Tim, Jason startled easily these days. It was like he was somewhere else. “You okay? I turned around and you were gone.” Jason’s jaw clenched and he closed his eyes. “I’m fine.” Dick nodded and turned his face out to the water, breathing deeply. “You know you can talk to me if you need to, right?” Jason tilted his head down, his eyes still closed. “Just back off,” he muttered. Dick got the distinct impression Jason wasn’t talking to him so he waited patiently. Moments later Jason opened his eyes and looked at him. Even in the darkness Dick could see how bloodshot Jason’s eyes were. “None of you can help with this.” “Little Wing, we might not have been through what you have, but there are still ways we can help…” Jason interrupted, his voice tired and weary. “That’s not what I’m talking about. It’s okay. Just... don’t worry about it.” Not wanting to push Jason any further, Dick let it go. They sat next to each other for a few more minutes. At several points Jason turned and looked over his shoulder, grimacing before looking out at the bay again. Dick said nothing but watched with a great deal of concern. They were in no danger of anyone coming up behind them, yet Jason kept glancing back as if he were expecting someone. “Do you see something back there, Jay?” Dick’s question clearly rattled him because Jason shuddered violently. He leaned back and grabbed his helmet before climbing to his feet. “You don’t wanna know.” He took off sprinting for the edge of the roof, diving off the edge before firing his grapple. Dick stared out over the water. Whatever Jason was seeing definitely had him spooked. And it was unnerving to see Jason afraid of anything, let alone something that wasn’t really there.

Bruce was next. He convinced Jason to meet him at a diner for breakfast and a long-overdue conversation. They were sitting across from each other in a booth by the window, talking about anything and everything except what happened to Jason in the warehouse and after. Jason barely touched any of his food and had already drained three cups of coffee. He was staring out the window watching people rush off to work. Bruce set his fork down and blotted his mouth with a napkin before leaning back against the booth. “Jason, is there something wrong? Are you alright?” Jason turned to Bruce and attempted a reply, but his gaze stopped at something over Bruce’s left shoulder. His eyes widened and he bit his lip, quickly looking down at the table and closing his eyes. He exhaled deeply and slowly. Bruce frowned and glanced over his shoulder. Other than a few other patrons of the diner there was nothing out of the ordinary behind him. “Jason?” “I’m fine,” he said, much too quickly. “Just a long night, that’s all. You were saying?” He picked up his fork and stabbed at his omelet. Bruce sighed and picked up his own fork. While they were mending their relationship, apparently they hadn’t reached a point where Jason trusted Bruce enough to talk to him about anything more serious than Dick’s job as a cop or Alfred’s latest attempt at waffles. “Alfred had a wonderful idea. Are you free Thursday night? We’re planning a family dinner and would love for you to join us.” Jason put down his fork and shrugged. “What time?” “Dinner would be at seven, but you’re free to come whenever you’d like.” Bruce tried not to get overly hopeful, but Jason’s hesitation instead of the usual ‘no way in hell’ response was a surprise. Jason looked out the window and cringed before leaning his elbows on the table and mashing his hands over his eyes. Bruce turned to see nothing but some early morning fog, commuters rushing to work and a GCPD officer patrolling the sidewalk across the street. “I’ll be there,” Jason said suddenly, his voice tired and rough. “But I’ve gotta go. Something’s come up.” He refused to make eye contact with Bruce as he reached for his wallet. “Jason, no. I’ll take care of this.” He stretched his arm over the table, his large hand gentle on Jason’s wrist. “Please, let me.” Jason looked up, focused only on Bruce’s face. Bruce could tell Jason was fighting the urge to look behind him again. “Okay. Thanks, B.” He climbed out of the booth, rushed to the door and disappeared in the throng of people outside the door. Bruce looked behind him one more time. There was still nothing there.

Bruce joined Alfred in the kitchen Thursday afternoon, smiling when he saw Dick emerge from the pantry carrying an armful of supplies.

“You can place those on the counter, Master Dick. Thank you.” Dick unloaded the food and took a seat at the table, sneaking a carrot from the salad. “I’ll pretend I didn’t see that,” Alfred muttered dryly. There was a hint of a smile on his face as he tossed Dick a cherry tomato from the carton he had in his hands. Bruce took a seat across from Dick, also taking a carrot. Alfred sighed and set a small platter on the table between them, filling it with the vegetables he hadn’t used in the salad. “Have either of you noticed anything unusual about Jason?” The blunt nature of the question caught both Dick and Alfred off guard. Dick studied the carrot he was holding before popping it into his mouth. “Apart from his temper, the violence, the attacks on nearly everyone in this house, and the fact he returned from the dead?” Bruce almost choked on his carrot and Alfred spun on his heel. “Master Richard,” he scolded. Dick held up his hands. “I’m not judging, honestly. But there’s a lot that’s unusual about the guy. He’s been through a lot.” He looked over at Bruce. “So you’ll have to be a little more specific.” Tim entered the kitchen and went straight for the refrigerator, grabbing an energy drink. Dick pulled out the chair next to him and Tim sat down. He opened the can and took a drink, glancing between Bruce and Dick. “Okay, now what happened?” When Bruce didn’t say anything, Dick answered.

“Bruce was wondering if we’ve noticed anything unusual about Jason.” Tim’s curiosity piqued, he leaned forward. “You mean like how he’s talking to or seeing things that aren’t really there?” Bruce’s eyes widened and he looked at Tim, who was surprisingly casual about it. “I noticed it a few weeks ago and again the other night. Except the second time, he was muttering to someone I couldn’t see.” Dick nodded and turned to Tim. “Like he honestly believed there was someone there.” “Exactly, yeah.” Bruce interjected, concerned they’d both had more contact with Jason than he had. “You’ve been working with him?” “Not working with him, per se, although I wouldn’t turn him down if he wanted to.” Tim toyed with the energy drink can, sliding it back and forth between his hands. “A few times we arrived at the same crime scene. The first time it was like he saw a ghost, judging by the look on his face. The second time he told someone or something to fuck off and leave him alone.” “Language, Master Timothy.” “Sorry, Alfred. Just quoting the source material.” Alfred turned from the stove and leaned a hip on the counter, arms crossed over his chest. “Has it occurred to any of you that whatever that young man has been through has severely traumatized him? That his seeing things is a result of his resurrection and its complications?” Bruce looked at him, frowning. “Of course it has, Alfred. But as far as helping him is concerned, we have to figure out whether it’s a mental illness or a side effect of whatever brought him back. Treatment can only happen once we know what we’re treating.” Damian chose to enter the kitchen at that moment, arms crossed and leaning against the doorway. The expression on his face was one of disinterest. “Why don’t you ask him? He just pulled into the driveway.” He turned to leave, muttering to himself. “Although if it were up to me, I’d put him in a strait jacket and hand him over to the staff at Arkham.” Dick and Bruce both looked at Damian, shock clearly written on their faces, and they both spoke at the same time. “Damian!” He stopped and turned around. “What? You said it yourselves. He’s damaged.” “So are you, apparently,” Tim muttered. Bruce frowned at Tim, a look that said you aren’t helping. Alfred turned and Damian immediately glanced his way, his face going pale. “Young man, if I hear anything like that from you again, you’ll be dealing with me. Do you understand?” Damian nodded and disappeared toward the library. “Jesus,” Dick muttered, a hand raking through his hair. “He doesn’t mince words, does he?” Bruce sighed in response and stood up, following Alfred to the front door. Dick looked at Tim. “You said Jason looked like he’d seen a ghost. You don’t think..”

Tim only shrugged a shoulder. “It wouldn’t be the strangest thing we’ve encountered.”

Jason cut the engine of his bike and tugged his helmet off, his thick hair standing on end as he stared up at the house. He dreaded coming to the Manor. It wasn't because Bruce and everyone was here, but because the estate was old and with old properties came ghosts, demons and other paranormal beings. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him since he got back but whatever it was, he wished it would stop. He hung his helmet on the handle bar and climbed off the bike, walking up to the front door. He hadn’t seen anything since he’d left the city and for that he was relieved. The last few nights he’d spent reading up on the history of Wayne Manor to try and find out if he’d be seeing any malevolent spirits or ghosts, but he’d come up with nothing. That was the only reason he was currently standing on the front steps. Before he even had his hand raised to knock the door opened and Alfred was standing there with a smile on his face. “Jason, my boy. How good to see you.” Jason crossed the threshold and glanced quickly around the entrance hall, relief washing over him when he didn’t see anything or anyone who wasn’t supposed to be there. Dick and Tim were standing in the doorway to the living room, Dick waving like a child. Bruce was standing just behind Alfred. “We’re glad you came.” He nodded and handed Bruce his jacket, removing his boots and heading toward the living room, still subtly looking around. It had become a habit the last month or two and most of the time he didn’t even realize he was doing it until someone mentioned it. Like now. “What are you looking at, Jaybird?” Jason scowled at the nickname and brushed past Dick to enter the living room. “I haven’t been here in a while. Sue me.” He took one of the armchairs by the fireplace and curled up in it, staring into the flames. Dick and Tim took the couch and Bruce sat in the chair opposite Jason. Damian wandered in a few minutes later and sat down on the carpet in front of Bruce’s chair. Jason felt the hair on the back of his neck tingle, an all-too-familiar feeling lately. He slowly turned his head to see a dark-haired woman standing in the doorway, fingers toying with a string of pearls around her neck. He slammed his eyes shut and turned back to the fire, not caring at all who noticed. At least she wasn’t hideously deformed from some horrible or violent injury like most of the beings he saw were. She only had a stain on the front of her dress that was hard to see since the fabric was also dark. He inhaled sharply and held his breath, a thought crossing his mind. She looked familiar and he knew why. His eyes moved to the portrait above the fireplace. The portrait of Bruce’s parents. He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up so fast he nearly knocked the chair over and rushed from the room, going down the hall and through the kitchen to the back garden. He sprinted as fast as he could across the back lawn toward the woods, only stopping when the trail became too dark to see. Leaning forward with his hands on his knees, he gasped for breath, his chest heaving. At first it was nothing serious, just a flash of something in the corner of his eye when he turned around. From there it progressed to cold spots in his apartment or while he was on patrol. Then it was a presence he could feel, like he was being watched, and when he turned around he couldn’t see anything but a faded outline of a person. It didn’t really worry him until he worked on a particularly gruesome case involving a Victor Szasz copycat. Ever since he caught the guy, he was seeing ghosts of people murdered in Gotham and sensed there was also something seriously evil following him around. There were the awful nightmares, the ones that had nothing to do with the Joker and made those seem tame by comparison. And the puffs of hot air against his neck whenever he worked in certain parts of the city, air that smelled of death and decay. All of it was driving Jason mad and he felt powerless to stop it. He’d marked up his most secure safe house with all sorts of protection wards, blessed artifacts and charms. His doors and windows were lined with rock salt. And the palms of his hands were sore and raw from clenching his hands into fists whenever he sensed whatever evil thing was following him, an effort to remind himself what was real and what wasn’t. But that wasn’t working anymore and he could never be sure he wasn’t hallucinating. He collapsed onto his hands and knees on the dirt path, breathing in the comforting scents of earth dampened with the night’s dew and the decay of leaves. His breathing evened, his heartbeat slowed. Once he was able to think clearly he realized Dick and Bruce were calling his name. His shoulders sagged and he stood up,  slowly walking back toward the Manor. At the edge of the clearing, he saw Dick and Bruce coming toward him armed with flashlights. Dick visibly sighed with relief. Bruce looked concerned and in a rare turn of events, confused. Jason’s face blushed crimson and he was glad they were outside in the darkness. “Jesus, Little Wing. What the hell was that?” Jason looked at Dick and sighed. He knew he had to tell someone. “Look, if we can go inside, I’ll try and explain what’s going on.” Dick turned and headed back toward the house. When Jason moved to follow, Bruce put a hand out to stop him. “There’s someone here to visit you. I’d like to know why you’ve had anything to do with him.”

Jason narrowed his eyes and backed away from Bruce. “What the hell are you talking about?” Bruce raised an eyebrow. “John Constantine is here and would like a word with you.”

Jason followed Bruce inside and into the study where he could see Tim and Damian sitting on a couch and Dick standing behind them. Alfred was talking to someone who was standing just out of view. Bruce entered the room and Jason hesitated in the doorway, the scent of cigarette smoke heavy in the air.

He'd heard of John Constantine but had never met him. Jason watched as he greeted Bruce with a smile and a handshake, a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. His blonde hair was a bit disheveled, as was the shirt and tie he was wearing, and his sleeves were hastily rolled up his forearms. The tan trench coat draped over Alfred's arm must also belong to him. Alfred wrinkled his nose and silently moved past him to hang up John's coat. "So there's the man of the hour," John said, stepping forward and holding out his hand. "You're a tough man to track down, Jason Todd." Jason froze next to the couch.  "What do you want?" John took a drag on his cigarette and withdrew his hand, sizing him up with a frown.  "You been having nightmares lately? Seeing things that aren't there?"  Jason glanced sideways at Tim and Dick before looking back at John. "Maybe. What's that got to do with you?" John grinned. "Oh, it's got plenty to do with me, lad. When you came back from wherever you'd been? You brought something with you. I'm here to send it back because Earth is no place for a being that evil." Jason felt the blood drain from his face and he stepped around John to sit down on a couch across from Tim and Damian, who, honestly, he'd forgotten were in the room. Bruce was standing in the shadows by the window, a scowl on his face and his arms crossed. John stood next to the fire place and flicked the butt of the cigarette into the flames. "Tell me. How bad has it become? What have you seen?" Jason swallowed hard. "Mostly ghosts of people who've been murdered. But sometimes I..." he closed his eyes. "Sometimes I feel something right behind me, breathing down my neck. But when I turn around it's not there." He opened his eyes again, his voice going quiet. "It smells like.." "Death and sulfur," John finished for him.  Jason merely nodded. "Bloody hell," John muttered. "He's closer than I thought."  Bruce stepped from his place near the desk and took a seat next to Jason.  "What is it, why is it following Jason, and how do we get rid of it?" he asked. 

John pulled the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit another one. Dick went and opened a window.  "There's nothing you can do about it," he said carefully. "It's latched itself onto Jason here and it won't let go until it takes what it can from him and is strong enough to cross through." "So what is it?" Tim asked. "Why is it after Jason?" John turned to him.  "It's a demon that feeds on pain and suffering and when it finds a particularly tortured soul, it latches on until the host drops dead and it can cross through to the land of the living, wreaking hell on earth." Tim sank back into the couch, staring at Jason in disbelief. John sat on the arm rest next to Jason and clapped a hand on his shoulder.  "With what you went through before you died, and how you came back? You've got a lot of pain and anguish for it to feed on, more than I've ever seen. If it continues much longer, it'll be too strong to stop." Jason looked up at John, ignoring the gutted expressions of Bruce, Dick and Tim at John's mention of his death. "What do I need to do?" John grinned. "That's the spirit. You need to come with me, mate, and we'll make a pit stop at the house before we get to it." John pulled Jason to his feet and headed toward the door. Bruce stepped in front of him, putting his hand on John's chest. "Under different circumstances this would be appealing, Bruce, but not now. We need to get moving." Bruce narrowed his eyes. "If he doesn't come back in one piece, you will find out what hell actually feels like, Constantine." Alfred handed John his coat and held Jason's out as well. The grin hadn't left John's face. "Been there, done that. I've got pictures, if you'd like." "Let's get this over with," Jason muttered, stepping between Bruce and John and into the hallway. "I'd rather not see dead people anymore." John led him from the Manor out into the driveway, opening the portal to the House and ushering Jason through. The arrived in a large library, full of books, artifacts and other mystical relics. Jason cocked an eyebrow at a shelf housing a bottle of liquor and glasses. "I hate to break it to you, Jason, but that gift of yours might never go away." He was perusing a series of shelves in front of him, grabbing seemingly random items and putting them in his coat pockets. "Since you died and came back you're a link between planes, the living and the dead." Jason turned to face him, hands in his pockets. "One, how do you know all of that? And two, why only murder victims?" John waved his hand and a bottle floated down from the top shelf, settling into his palm. "You radiate pain and suffering. And that's something I tend to pick up on since it attracts creatures like the demon now following you." He grabbed one book off a shelf next to Jason, looking up at him. "That and I met spirit who saw your death. I'm sorry you went through that. As far as why murder victims? I think it's because you are one, so they're drawn to you because of who you are." "And who might that be?" "Someone who gives a damn about those who've been wronged." He straightened his tie and jerked his head in the direction of the front door, lighting a cigarette.  "C'mon, lad. We've got some work to do and I'd like to finish before he knows we're coming."

Everything was laid out in a precise manner, the sigils marked in the grass with red spray paint. John was reading through a list of incantations he had to recite to summon the demon and banish it for good. All Jason had to do was stand in the center of the circle, surrounded by the artifacts and charms John set up, and not die. "Oi. You want your family here for this, or no?" Jason looked up at him from where he stood, facing the impending sunrise. "Family?" John rolled his eyes. "You know, your dad, brothers, et cetera." "No. I don't want them anywhere near here." "Then you might want to tell them that." He lifted his chin, pointing at the abandoned church behind Jason. "I didn't tell them we were here." It was Jason's turn to roll his eyes. He turned around to see Bruce, Dick and Tim approaching. "You guys need to leave. We don't need your help with this." "Actually, if any of you happen to have some experience reading Latin, I would.." "Shut your mouth, Constantine, they're not staying." John smirked, but said nothing more. "Fine," Tim said. "We'll keep our distance. But we aren't leaving you two here alone." "Afraid he'll enjoy this too much?" John quipped, flashing Bruce a cocky grin. Dick grabbed Bruce's forearm and tugged him backward. The retreated to the abandoned church where they'd been waiting. Close enough to see what happened, too far to hear anything. Once they were out of earshot, John grew serious. "Now, I'm going to start rambling in Latin, summoning this thing right to us. Once it's here, under no circumstances are you to turn around and look at it. Are we clear?" Jason nodded. "When it gets here, I'm going to start the banishing ritual and when I say 'now', pour this into the bowl, got it?" John handed him a small vial with the cap unscrewed and Jason glanced down at the bowl full of herbs, bitter-smelling powders and sheep's blood. It was shocking how something so seemingly simple would drive the demon away. "Let's get cracking, shall we?" He flipped to the first page and started reciting the ritual, the Latin sounding strange to Jason. Despite his ear for language, he was rusty with Latin and only caught every fourth or fifth word. The wind began to pick up and he thought he could vaguely smell sulfur. The scent grew stronger as John continued, his voice rising above the wind. Jason felt goosebumps spread over his arms and legs, a shiver working its way down his spine. John motioned for Jason to continue looking at him, pointing at his own eyes with two fingers. He nodded and focused on John.  To John's credit, he pretended he hadn't seen the demon coming at Jason, a black, gnarled hand with razor-sharp claws reaching toward him. Jason caught the scent of rotting flesh and swallowed, trying not to gag. He slammed his eyes closed as the claws hooked his jacket and tugged at him. Jason unzipped his jacket and slid out of it, hearing it snarl in anger as his jacket fell away. He could no longer hear John. All Jason could hear was the enraged howl of the demon, its ragged breathing disgustingly close to his ear. He cried out in pain as several of its claws raked their way down his back, tearing his sweatshirt into ribbons. His eyes opened when John's voice somehow got louder. "NOW, JASON! DO IT NOW!" Jason wrenched himself away from the demon's claws, collapsing to the group in a heap. He poured the vial into the bowl and it instantly smoked before a blinding flash of light exploded. Jason shut his eyes and covered his ears against the noise. Moments later he thought he heard John calling his name, but he could barely think.  "Jason? Open your sodding eyes, damn it!" Jason forced his eyes open and looked up to see relief flood John's features. "We need to get you up so we can have a look at your back." He nodded and let John help him into a sitting position. Jason felt something running down his back, soaking into his jeans and boxers. John peeked over his shoulder and winced. "Let's get you back home so they can patch you up." Jason slumped forward against John's shoulder, his eyes slipping closed. There was a blanket wrapped around him and someone lifted him up. He listened as Bruce and John talked. "Is it gone?" "It is, yeah. No way it could fight a banishing ritual like that." There was a gust of wind and Jason could hear the familiar hum of equipment in the cave. "Jason's a strong bloke, Bruce. He fought this thing for weeks before I picked up the trail." "I'm glad you did. Thank you, John." He was carefully set down and rolled to his stomach, the remnants of his shirt being cut away. "A compliment from Batsy himself. I'm absolutely chuffed." "Don't push it." There was a flick of a lighter and the sound of a flame touching paper. Moments later, the scent of smoke. "You know, there's one thing still on my mind." Jason felt the pinch of a syringe and the stinging from the wounds on his back began to fade.  "What's that?" "I've not seen spirits drawn to a human like this before. Not sure what they all want, but they're out there." He listened to John's footsteps retreat a few feet. There was a pause while he took a drag off the cigarette.  "I'll drop by the city in a few weeks to check in on him." "John..." "Take care of him, Bruce. He needs you." There was a rush of air and the cave was nearly silent, save for Bruce's whisper. "I'm here, Jason. I'm still here."

habits.

@tuwam  me after i was done writing this : bitch i am smart I CAN WRITE CLUES NOVELS

sam was growing a habit. jamie was enabling it because--she just, she didn’t know how to say it without sounding like she was doing more than just enjoying having what they had. which was what really right? whatever it was that it made jamie feel, that was what it was. that and whatever it was that sam felt for her too. that was all it was, that was all it needed to be.

the world and hanna had better not try to decipher this, jamie herself was trying her damn hardest not to. didn’t people often times whine about how others complicated their own situations? well, jamie was keeping it simple and still she could swear anyone she’d be telling this story to would be saying this is too complicated.

but it wasn’t, not for her. not when sam was growing habits and jamie wasn’t sure how to handle it the first time, then let it go the second time and the third time she just--she got used to it. something along the line of, it happened before and it was now fine and it could go on for as long as it wanted to.

besides it wasn’t anything life threatening. no.

it was as simple as whatever it was that he’d managed to build within her. 

the first time had been a casual drop of his head on her crossed legs, her lap, while a movie played in the background. for one, jamie had been entirely focused on the plotline and sam hadn’t looked that interested from the beginning. there wasn’t much sam looked to be interested in really. that was something she was starting to get a grasp on. 

he seemed focus and with intent when he was painting and she was in the background, silently watching and he was letting her. sam looked genuinely into that. he also looked very interested when he was making something in his ktichen and she was waiting for him to finish so he could share whatever it was he’d decided to add to those damned hot chocolate recipes.

they were good, there had to be a secret to this. jamie wasn’t going to be as stupid and gone as to say it was because sam made them that they were good. 

( but was it? )  ( she doubted it ) ( highly )  ( as much as she could. ) 

but that was how it came, sam’s head pillow on her thighs and jamie’s hand going to his hair. fluid through them, soft as they were and no attention paid to anything until she felt his breathing against her stomach and looking down confirmed her suspicion.

he’d fallen asleep through it. 

sam had fallen asleep right there, like it was just that easy. jamie had a tendency to also sleep anywhere but only when she was tired, exhausted, couldn’t take it anymore and after having had something warm to drink. tea usually did it. 

but that was normal right? he’d looked tired too, uninterested in this very interesting movie. which did this mean their tastes differed here too? there were so many things where they differed and it sometimes made jamie question her entire life choices because at the end of it all no matter how many people she’d dismissed for disrupting her peace, she just hadn’t done that with sam

now it was more than a little bit too late. now it was at that stage where she’d learned to understand so many of these differences that she’d acknowledged that she accepted them. she might disagree with them. she might not have them n her. she might not have liked them on anyone else. she will still shun anyone else who would try to get in her life with them.

but on sam, there were fine. that was the reality of it. 

so he could sleep through this amazing movie and she would have woken up anyone else, but she’d let sam do just as much. so she did,  kept her fingers through his hair, soothed and rhythmic to the sound of his breathing and finished her movie before she woke him up.

all it’d taken was a few call of his name to say it was time to go if he was tired to stir him awake and up. honestly, sam looking a bit lost with his surroundings, slowly gathering what he’d needed had been adorable. endearingly, devastatingly, adorable.

so much that jamie hadn’t been able to not tail him through it all and then proceeded to look a bit lost herself and surprised when he’d leaned in to kiss her at the door before saying goodbye. like that was just normal to do and had to be done before saying goodbye.

no, really. he’d just left her at her own door, closing it on his way out like this was an everyday thing.

it’d taken jamie a whole minute to get her mind back on track and get herself out of her doorway and settling things for the next morning. thinking that someone should have warned her that things didn’t just mellow down after a first kiss when you actually liked the person you were kissing.

the strange science of romance.

the second time had been--quite unexpected. jamie’s body was also out of the picture this time. but same setting, her apartment that was. take out had come in play, maybe it’d been the amount of ingested food or maybe it’d just been the two bottle of soju that they’d emptied in her living room.

that had felt like a night she could have had with hanna. sitting there and just unwinding and they’d talked more than anything else. okay, there had been a touch here and then and sam’s fingers were wanderers. they were. they were also very good at doing it unconsciously.

jamie thought it was unconscious at least. given the amount of times they’d found hers, then her face, tugged at her hair too. to the point that by the end of the whole dinner, the ponytail she’d had at the beginning was nothing but falling strands in her hair.

then he’d had the audacity to tell ehr ot just get it out, it was prettier undone and jamie had listened. because anyways, he’d already undone the whole damn thing. a tsk had maybe left her but the small bit of irritation that’d slipped past the sigh that followed it? that had been beaten down to nothing when she’d set her eyes on him on the other side of the small table in between them. leaned against the couch and looking at her undone ponytail and the puff of her cheeks in a way she’d most definitely learned left her overwhelmed with heat and the acute feeling that he wanted to kiss her.

it took her to that first night. it did. it also made jamie clear her throat and start gathering the empty boxes and the empty shot glasses. that was enough for the night was the idea. she’d moved in complete silence and sam had stayed still, watching her momentarily now and then and she’d offered what, maybe a smile or two while finishing it off. 

then as the last set was cleaned and sam had watched her literally do all of that without moving even a finger and jamie had surprised herself with not even asking for it. who the hell was she again? the dawning of that on her had made her walk back in the living room, pausing the rinsing of the dishes in her sink to rush right there and get back to her normal self.

jamie’s yelled, ‘yaaah, wait a minute, you’re just going to let me clean up then wash everything like--’ had been interrupted by the absence of sam’s presence on the carpet and the presence of it on her couch. curled. literally. curled around one of her cushions and that steady breathing she could have almost felt against her stomach, as if he’d still had his head laying on her lap. 

but no, sam had fallen asleep on her couch. the image of it had not only rendered jamie speechless and unable to shake him awake. a fate that almost anyone would have encountered, because that was called manners. you didn’t just eat at someone’s place, then let them do everything if you weren’t on the level of guest anymore.

sam was more than a guest, for sure. in fact, he was so much more than that, that he could even just find enough comfort to fall asleep at her place. jamie could get at ease anywhere, she understood the feeling. but she’d never taken him for the type. 

for all she knew, maybe he’d always been like that, maybe he did this with just about anyone he knew. how many people did sam know though? honestly. that was a good question, one that’d slipped past her as she’d left him on her couch. cleaned her dishes. cleaned her kitchen. gathered the scatter of his clothes, lined his shoes, got herself in her pyjamas then found some extra blankets before she trudged back in her living room.

sam had remained asleep through the whole process, as amazing as it sounded. through jamie putting the blankets over him, then getting him to move his head so she could place a pillow under for more comfort.

also through her sitting by the end of the couch, wearing a grin as she amused herself with the tip of his nose and the plump of his upper and lower lip. but then it hadn’t been fun anymore when he’d almost stirred awake and she’d froze in her game of poking, then said her goodnight when he’d just sighed before looking even more content. 

jamie had headed to bed, her finger to her own lips.

the third time was here and now. jamie was starting to think, this was what the internet liked to call, things escalating rather quickly. so quickly in fact that all she’d done was blink and peek her head through the door of her bathroom to realize that this was a deja vu.

very familiar, very much growing on her. 

this being, the sight of sam falling asleep without much of an idea as to how, or why here. but see, through the whole week it took for them to see each other again after that sam falling asleep on her couch night. a whole week. which had been filled in with some instance of her asking him if he was alive and him updating her that he was.

then her replying that was too bad, and him responding that it was good to know she didn’t worry. then jamie responding that she absolutely didn’t, and sam responding that he wouldn’t worry for him either. jamie quickly responding that he knew what she meant right? sam responding that he thought he did? jamie clarifying that, i do want you to be alive and well, sammy. sam answering, what jay wants, jay gets. sort of. 

the whole exchange had led to this night. jamie had asked, when are you free? he’d replied, monday night. 

so here was monday night. a lot of walking later. but prior to that, she’d had her arms around sam and he’d had his around her and it’d felt like something they’d both needed or thought of because jamie had heaved a sigh that jamie had mirrored almost instantly and not one of them had said a thing about the synchronization of that sound.

not a peep. it’d stilled them though, but then things had been fluid. pulling apart to jamie’s breathless chuckle and sam’s silent demeanor and the touch of his forehead to hers. they hadn’t kissed then, not even a single time through the whole night. through the whole journey, to a food stand in the middle of their way.

to her building close to where they’d met, but then there’d been a petty argument on the way there. some clash of words and that irritated sigh he was starting to pull out of her too easily, then melt from her just as fast. because to the door of her building through the doors of the elevator, somewhere along that distance, jamie wouldn’t have been to tell exactly what had been done.

but she’d been laughing, reaching for his hand and pushing against the bar of the elevator. then pulling on his hand and the sound out of her throat, that happy bubble he’d made it feel clasped it had almost felt like her finally being ready to admit that she’d really, really been waiting for him to kiss her.

because sam had and he’d done it like that had been the only thing on their minds. jamie had wondered then, before she could stop thinking of anything but this, if there would be a goodbye or a goodnight tonight. 

maybe in the back of her mind, she’d wished that it would be the one that would keep sam in her apartment, in her bubble. maybe that was why when he’d followed her to her bedroom after the quiet walk to and through her door and she’d announced she needed to use her bathroom. she’d just--let it happen.

still, to come out with the question at the tip of her tongue and have it arrested because sam was comfortably laying on her bed. asleep. 

jamie had heard him sitting down on her mattress and she’d flushed the toilet a few seconds after. then she’d heard the rustling in her bedroom, to which she’d turned the water on and proceeded to brush her teeth. then she’d washed her face when it’d fallen silent, when she’d managed to gather the courage to ask him if he’d mind staying tonight.

if he’d mind saying good morning tomorrow. instead of leaving like he did the night he’d spent on the couch. she hadn’t minded the quick disappearing act at all, because he’d left a note to thank her, a sorry for the bother, her blankets neatly folded and the door of her bedroom half open. 

she wouldn’t have minded tonight either if he’d just decided to leave. the silence had both made her think that it was either that, or he’d finally touched any and everything he could on her bed and was now waiting for her to come out and make end this wait. but of course not. sam had a tendency to do as he wished when jamie wasn’t around to take notice of it. 

he had a tendency to just let her deal with whatever aftermath was supposed to come out of any of his actions. she shouldn’t have been enjoying that as much as she did. but having the freedom to feel that she had the reign over how sam wanted things to go, it left her with a sense of growing trust that was hard to fight. 

jamie couldn’t tell why or when it’d become like this, but sam sleeping in a place that she so easily called home. that she would label as the safest zone she’d ever built. it made her feel like this had to matter, that it meant more than just a snooze of the mind, a rest for the body. 

but that was her own little wishful thinking, she knew that. didn’t stop the feeling from swelling in her chest though. 

jamie went through her nightly routine without making much of a fuss, trying not to at least. she maybe paused to bite her nails each time she came back to the reality that sam was still asleep in her bed, just casually taking as much as space as the small queen size of it could offer. but she finished without a hitch. 

no extra blankets were to be taken out that night. he’d somehow found peace with hers at one point during her getting changed in her bathroom and coming out to turn the lights off and leave the little one at her bedside for the last step, the one that’d land her in the bed. 

he’d also left clothes for her to pick up on the floor. that--now that she would complain about tomorrow morning. if sam was still here tomorrow morning, but for now jamie picked them up, she folded them, she left them by the end of the bed. then she made her way inside of her bed.

the rustle of it, the dip of her mattress and the sight of sam as she rolled to face him. still asleep. seemingly unaware of anything but the fact that he was resting from maybe a long day, maybe a long week. 

it was a welcome sight to close her eyes on. jamie had the mind to a last thought, if this was considered a bad habit--and the saying said bad habits die hard--could this be a wrong that was meant to turn right? 

could it? 

Together

Part.1 here

I hope you guys enjoy this second part as much as I enjoyed writing it. This might just be my all-time fave. Happy Mother’s day to all the other clique moms out there (Pet moms count too.)

Pairings: Josh x Tyler

Warnings/Tags: Tyler rides Josh, anal sex, anal fingering, mild religious guilt, coming out, bed sharing, thunderstorm anxiety, thunder buddies

It’s been weeks and still, no one has bothered to fix or replace the air conditioner in Josh’s room; there was no need to. He has spent every night since the storm in Tyler’s bed, the two exploring more and more of each other as time went on and Tyler grew more comfortable.

Every time they take things a bit further, Tyler has to first convince himself that it won’t affect their friendship. He knows he’s just holding onto hope at this point and there’s really no turning back, but the fact that they still haven’t had sex makes Tyler feel like he still has control, like they could still pretend this all never happened if need be. After all, neither boy has been brave enough to put a label on it yet and Tyler constantly feels like they’re in limbo. What are they? Just amazingly close friends who happen to care a lot about each other and fool around every night now, or something more?

Secretly, Tyler hopes it’s more.

He’s not sure exactly when it happened, but sometime over the last few weeks Tyler’s — maybe more than platonic —  feelings for Josh have become a lot more clear, and he finds they have been shifting more heavily towards the dreaded ‘L’ word. It makes him even more cautious about everything because if he thinks sex can complicate things, surely feelings — particularly those of love — could do a whole lot worse, especially if they’re not returned. He’s also learned lately that sometimes it’s worth taking the leap without even knowing if you can fly.

*********************************

Josh sits on the couch drumming on his legs anxiously as he waits for his best friend to come home; he wants to be there for him the second he walks in the door in case things didn’t go well at his parents. He hears the keys in the apartment door jingle and shoots up off the couch, racing to the door. He knows how hard it was for him, and he can only hope Tyler’s parents were as accepting as his own.

“Well, what’d they say?” Josh blurts out before Tyler barely has a chance to get a foot in the door.

“I-I think my dad actually took it better than my mom did,” Tyler says, looking lost in thought as he makes his way to the couch and plops down.

“Really? Why do you say that?” Josh says, joining him on the couch.

“I don’t know. My dad did the whole ‘you’re our son and we love you no matter what’ thing, but my mom was just really quiet. It felt like my dad was answering for both of them, but she didn’t agree with his words.”

“Maybe she was just in shock or something. Try not to over analyze it and read into it. You’ll just make yourself crazy,” Josh says, hooking his arm around Tyler and rubbing his back.

“I just know how she is with church and everything, but maybe you’re right.” Tyler tries to think more positively, “She did ask if I was seeing anyone though.”

“Annnnnd…? What did you say?” Josh asks with baited breath.

“I… I told her, ummm… that I was kind of seeing someone… yeah,” Tyler admits. “Then she kinda just changed the subject and asked if I wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow. And… and I might have asked if it was okay if I… if I brought my boyfriend, too.”

“Boyfriend?” Josh repeats in question, unsure if he heard Tyler correctly.

“Umm… yeah. I… was kinda hoping — but, but if not… umm that’s… um cool too, I guess,” Tyler stutters, twirling his brunette hair.

“Baby, you don’t gotta be nervous,” Josh says, pulling Tyler’s hand from his hair and entwining their fingers. “I’d be honored.”

***************************

They still don’t have sex that night despite the new label, but Josh honestly doesn’t mind. He swears he would wait forever if Tyler wanted. He’s just thrilled to be able to call him his boyfriend now, and he knows they’ll get there eventually.

Tyler’s reasoning might be a little crazy, but Josh gets it because if he thought, even for a second, there was a chance that any of this could destroy their lifelong friendship, he’d be hesitant too. Any other person might see it as Josh having more faith in their friendship than Tyler, but Josh knows it’s just because sometimes Tyler’s anxiety gets the best of him, and he ends up thinking too much.

**************************

“Nervous?” Josh questions, studying his new boyfriend as he brushes his teeth. “I swear if you don’t stop twirling your hair like that it’s gonna fall out.”

Tyler scoffs with a mouthful of toothpaste bubbles, then spits into the sink. “Oh, is that what happened to your hair?” he sasses before rinsing his mouth.

“Hey! I’ll have you know my hair is beautiful, thick, and healthy again now that I’ve stopped dying it,” Josh retorts playfully.

“I know, baby. I’m just playing with you. You’re gorgeous.” Tyler gives Josh a small kiss as he exits the bathroom.

“Mmmm, minty,” Josh smiles, smacking Tyler on the ass. “But seriously, babe, you ok?” he asks, following him into the bedroom and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “I know you only play with your hair like that when you’re nervous.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m still just trying to figure out where my mom stands with all this, and we’re having dinner there in less than an hour.”

“Try not to think about it too much, Ty. I know that’s easier said than done, but whatever happens, happens, and I’ll be there for you no matter what. We’ll get through this together,” Josh assures him. “Speaking of together, how do you think they’ll react when they find out I’m the boyfriend?”

“Honestly, that’s the least of my worries. My parents have always loved you. You’re gonna be the silver lining,” Tyler laughs as he gets dressed.

“There’s that million-dollar smile. C’mere!” Josh pulls him into his lap, giving him a kiss. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

******************************

Josh stands by Tyler’s side, rubbing his back as Tyler takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell to his parents’ house. The second his finger leaves the doorbell, his hand flies up into his hair. Josh coaxes it back down again and slips his hand into his. Tyler’s stomach ties itself into knots as he hears footsteps approaching the door.

The door opens, and the knot tightens.

“Tyler, I thought you said you were bringing your boyf —” Tyler’s mother, Kelly, starts, perplexed until she notices the boys’ interlocked hands. “Wait, Josh? Josh is your boyfriend?” she asks with a hint of excitement to her voice. “Sorry. Come in, come in,” she says as she ushers them into the house. “Guys, Tyler and Josh are here,” she calls to her husband and Jay — her only other child that still lives at home.

“Coming!” Jay shouts, making his way down the stairs. “But I thought you said Tyler was bringing his boyfr —- oh!”

Tyler’s father, Chris, is last to enter the foyer but looks just as bewildered. Josh squeezes Tyler’s hand, sensing that he’s about to panic with all eyes on them.

“Can we maybe go sit somewhere and talk?” Tyler suggests.

“Yes of course! Dinner’s just about ready; why don’t we got sit in the dining room,” Kelly offers.

The food is passed back and forth quietly until Tyler’s father breaks the silence, “So how long have you and Josh been, uhh… dating?

“Ummm… I… I guess like a few weeks now.” Tyler turns to Josh and smiles.

“Yeah, about that,” Josh agrees.

“I call BS,” Jay jokes. “You two have been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember, have lived together for years, and we’re supposed to believe you’ve only been together a few weeks?”

“It’s true,” Josh chuckles. “It’s not that the feelings haven’t been there for years because they have, on both our parts,” Josh says, turning to Tyler with a smile, “but I didn’t even come out to Tyler — or anyone — until about seven months ago.”

“And then I came out to Josh a little over a month ago,” Tyler takes over. “We’ve pretty much been together since.”

Tyler’s mom is still sitting there quietly, staring into her plate and pushing her food around with her fork, and it’s at this point Tyler realizes she hasn’t taken a single bite.

“Mom, can you please say something — anything? You’re killing me.”

“Tyler, can I talk to you in private?”

Tyler swallows hard. ‘That’s not good. That’s never good’

“No, whatever you wanna say, you can say in front of Josh and everyone else,” Tyler says harshly. Josh places a comforting hand on Tyler’s knee under the table, giving it a slight squeeze.

“Tyler —”  

“Mom, just say it! Do you accept me or not?”

“Tyler, you know how the church feels about this type of thing —”

“Yup, that’s what I thought. Come on Josh,” Tyler starts to rise from the table.

“Sit down, let me finish!” his mother says sharply. “I was saying that you know how the church feels about this type of thing, but you never really challenge it or think twice about it until it happens in your own family, to someone you love very much,” she says as her voice starts to crack. Her wording is all wrong, but Tyler can feel the sentiment behind it. Maybe her silence isn’t about her disapproval after all.

“All that matters to me is your happiness, and for the church to tell me that my son being happy is wrong splits me in two. It’s hard for me to look to something I have so much faith in and say ‘No, you’re wrong!’, yet that’s exactly what I feel like doing. That’s what I’m having a hard time coming to terms with, honey, not you or your lifestyle. I love you, and I love Josh. I couldn’t be happier that you chose Josh because at least I know I’ll never have to worry about whether or not you’re in good hands; I know you are,” she finishes, smiling at Josh.

Tyler gets up from his place at the table and throws his arms around his teary mother. “Thank you, thank you,” Tyler says, his own voice starting to crack as happy tears brim in his eyes.

“Thank you, Mrs. Joseph. That means the world to us,” Josh adds.

“Josh please, you know you can call me Kelly,” she smiles as Tyler returns to his seat. “Oh, boys! Jay, Chris, and I were going to take the RV to the lake tomorrow — just the three of us since Zack and Maddy are busy with their own families — if you wanted to come. It would be like old times.”

“We’d love that,” the two giggle, looking at each other.   

“You know, I don’t know if you boys remember this, but one summer at the lake —” Kelly starts and the boys stare at each other, hoping this is not the same story they’re thinking about, “back before we even had the RV —”

Phew! Thank goodness it’s not.

“I think you boys were probably around eight; Jay wasn’t even born yet. Well, Tyler and his siblings had got their very own tent that past Christmas and you all were so excited to be ‘grown-up’ and sleep in it by yourselves. We must have checked the weather a million times before we left for the trip because we knew how Tyler got any time it stormed, even though he was the oldest.” Kelly says and Josh shoots Tyler a smile and elbows him playfully, because he knows he’s probably the only one who realizes Tyler still gets that way, even now as an adult.

“But as luck would have it, just seconds after the campfire went out and we got you four tucked into your own tent, it started to storm. I thought for sure we were going to have to leave and head home because I could hear Tyler crying from our tent.” She looks to her husband, then switches her gaze to Josh, “And Josh, just when I was about to go and grab Tyler to try to bring him to our tent to calm him down, I heard your tiny voice say to him, ‘Tyler, it’s just a sound. It can’t hurt you’, and you went on to teach Tyler how to count the seconds between the lightning and thunder and explained how every five seconds was a mile away. I was so shocked that he stopped crying and eventually went to sleep, and I just remember thinking to myself what a smart and compassionate kid you were, and how blessed Tyler was to have you as a friend.

I know this must be hard for you both, telling your families and what not… and I’m sure you’ll experience prejudice and diversity along the way, but I’m so glad you have each other to pull through.”

There isn’t a dry eye in the house when Mrs. Joseph finishes talking.

“Thunder buddies for life,” Tyler says through choked back tears, turning to Josh. “I’m still a big baby when it comes to storms,” Tyler admits. “Josh still does that for me.”

Everyone laughs as they wipe their eyes and carry on with their meal. After dinner, the three boys help clean up while Mr. and Mrs. Joseph rest in the living room. When they’re finished, Tyler and Josh head in to say their goodbyes.

“Well, we should get home and get to bed so we can get back here first thing tomorrow morning to leave for the lake,” Tyler says.

“Why don’t you boys just spent the night here? You guys can sleep in your old room,” Kelly says, looking to Tyler. “And Zack moved out, so you’ll have both beds, it will be perfect.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Tyler’s dad chimes in. “Plus, your mom just found a pair of your old swim trunks in the RV last night while she was cleaning it out. I’m sure there’s still some old clothes of yours or Zack’s up in your room you could wear. It’s just the one night, and lord knows you haven’t grown or aged a day since you moved out anyway.”

“Yeah, thanks, Dad.” Tyler laughs. “We’ll stay.”

****************************

“Did your mom really think we were gonna sleep in separate beds?” Josh laughs, fluffing his pillow and slipping — shirtless — into Tyler’s bed with him. “I don’t care if this is only a full-size bed, I’m never sleeping without you again,” Josh says, rolling to his side and connecting his lips to Tyler’s. Almost immediately, both boys break the kiss and start talking in unison.

“Go ahead. You first this time,” Josh chuckles.

“Unh-uh. No way!…Together,” Tyler suggests.

“Together,” Josh agrees.

Both boys count together, “One… two… three…”

“I Love You!” they both blurt out simultaneously.

“I love you too,” their words echo each other’s, their mouths meeting in the middle. Cupping Tyler’s face, Josh pushes his tongue in past his lips, and moves to straddle him, raining celebratory, love-soaked kisses down over Tyler’s lips, jawline, and neck. Tyler does his best to return each one as he finds the courage to tell Josh what he knows he’s been waiting so long to hear; he knows there’s no turning back now.

“Josh, I’m ready.”

“Like here? Right now?” Josh questions.

“Uhh… yeah. Why not? It just feels so right. Like we should have just done it in this room years ago.”

“Yeah, except you’re forgetting that you shared a room with Zack,” Josh jokes. “And I was just thinking how it feels kinda wrong. Like, we’re under your parent’s roof, and Jay’s in the next room.”

“There were plenty of times he was out at sleepovers of his own. We had an abundance of opportunities. If only we knew about each other,” Tyler smiles. “And you say that like we’re a couple of horny teenagers sneaking around; we’re both almost thirty, and my parents are asleep downstairs. We’re not doing anything wrong. Plus, listen; you hear Jay yammering away in there? He’s playing Fortnite. He has his headphones on; he can’t hear a thing,” Tyler assures him. “Now make love to me Josh, please.”

“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say that; how could I say no?” Josh gives in. “We don’t even have lube or anything though.”

“Actually,” Tyler starts, “hand me my wallet.” Josh reaches off the bed to Tyler’s pooled jeans on the floor, slips Tyler’s wallet out of his back pocket, and hands it to him. Tyler opens his wallet and pulls out a small, purple foil packet, handing it to Josh.

“It- it’s a free lubricant sample. It came with the condoms.” Tyler then reaches back into his wallet pulling out a gold foil wrapped condom.” I… um… I wasn’t sure if you wanted to use one, but I knew we would have sex eventually and I wanted to be prepared. I- I’m clean though. I know this is kinda sad given my age, but I’ve never done this before.

“It’s ok,” Josh smiles, anxiously playing with the packet of lube, turning it between his fingers. “Me either,” he admits, “So yeah, we… um… we don’t have to use one if you don’t want. But this will definitely come in handy,” he smirks, waving the tiny packet before hooking his thumbs into the waist of Tyler’s boxers. Tyler eagerly lifts his hips, allowing him to pull them down and kicking them off completely when they reach his ankles.

Lowering his head to Tyler’s already erect length, Josh begins to take him into his mouth until Tyler places his hands on his shoulders stopping him.

“I’m not gonna last long as it is. Just please —” Tyler doesn’t have to say another word; Josh was hoping to skip foreplay anyways. He’s eager to be buried in the tight heat of Tyler’s hole.

“Spread your legs for me, baby,” Josh instructs as he climbs off Tyler, kneeling to his right.

Obeying, Tyler nervously parts his legs, his heart racing as he watches — in what feels like slow motion — as Josh tears open the lube sample and bends Tyler’s legs at the knee. Josh squeezes a small amount of lube onto the pads of his middle and pointer fingers. Using his thumb, he spreads the lube around, thoroughly coating them, and places the rest of the packet on the nightstand for later.

“Ready?”

Tyler takes a deep breath and nods. “Yeah.”

Using only his middle finger at first, Josh’s gently circles the pink pucker between Tyler’s cheeks, coating it in lube before slowly easing inside. Pushing in and out at a leisurely pace Josh begins to work him open.

“Mmm — m-more,” Tyler chokes out through broken moans.

Josh obliges, sliding in a second finger, scissoring them to stretch the tight ring of muscle. Tyler grips the sheets, his head and eyes rolling back as Josh pushes in deeper, past his second knuckles, grazing his prostate. Continuing to work his fingers inside of him, Josh leans over Tyler’s body, muffling his whimpers with kisses. Barely able to function from the pleasure, Tyler haphazardly kisses him back, sloppily darting his tongue into his mouth.

“You think you’re ready for this baby?” Josh breaks the kiss, nodding down to where his hand is shoved into his own boxers. “I can’t wait to be inside you.”

“Umm… yeah… Just-just go easy, okay?”

“Of course, baby,” Josh assures him, “Tell you what, why don’t you ride me? That way you can control the speed and depth, and I promise I won’t move until you say.”

“O-okay.”

Josh pulls his fingers out, then removes his boxers and the two boys switch places: Josh on his back and Tyler straddling his thighs. Reaching to the nightstand, Tyler retrieves the lube sample, emptying the remainder into his palm. Using languid, rhythmic strokes, Tyler coats Josh’s erect length in the slippery substance. Moving up to hover over his target, Tyler reaches between his legs, applying any remaining lube to himself before aligning Josh with his entrance. Gently, he slips the head in, pausing to give himself time to adjust to the burning stretch.

Once acclimated to Josh’s size, he begins small up and down movements, allowing for shallow penetration. With his hands planted firmly on Josh’s chest, he keeps this steady and deliberate rhythm until he feels he’s ready to take him deeper. Then slowly, with his head lolled back, Tyler begins to sink down on his length, swallowing up Josh’s cock inside him inch… by… inch.

“Fuck, mmmm… so tight,” Josh moans as Tyler finally bottoms out. Cupping Tyler’s backside, Josh gently guides him back up — then down, easing him into a steady pace.

“Mmmm, Josh… you can… you can move,” Tyler moans.

Pausing at the top of one of Tyler’s guided movements, Josh holds his ass up as he thrusts into it, striking his prostate.

“Oh God, do that again!” Tyler cries out, removing one of his hands from Josh’s chest in favor of wrapping it around his leaking dick. He strokes himself in time with Josh’s thrusts; each one landing perfectly against his prostate.

“Josh, I’m gonna —”

“Wait for me, baby. I’m so close… wanna cum together.”

“Fuck, I don’t know if I can,” Tyler whines, leaning forward and connecting their mouths in a heated kiss as he tries to hold on while Josh continues to thrust.

Josh thrusts up one last time, pausing buried deep inside Tyler. “NOW!”

The feeling of Josh’s pulsating cock emptying inside of him makes Tyler cum instantly, spilling over his fist and coating Josh’s stomach.

“Oh my God… oh my God,” Tyler pants against Josh’s neck after he pulls out. “That was fucking amazing —” he pauses to catch his breath, collapsing down; their sweat-slicked bodies pressed together. “That literally fulfilled every teenage fantasy and dream I’ve ever had about you,” Tyler admits, laying his head on Josh’s chest, listening to the beating of his heart as Josh softly strums his hair.

“Me too.”

Beating and breathing. Breathing and beating. The rhythmic lullaby begins to put the two to sleep until something dawns on Tyler. “OH FUCK!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Josh asks frantically.

“I just realized I can’t hear Jay playing Fortnite anymore.”

**************************************

“We’re leaving in five! Everyone in the RV!” Kelly calls as she finishes packing lunch. Tyler and Josh make it into the RV first, followed closely by Jay.

“Hey Katy Perry, I’m glad you fulfilled all your teenage dreams last night, but do you think you can keep it in your pants on the trip? I don’t wanna have to listen to that ever again,” Jay teases, as he boards the RV.

“Ready boys?” Mrs. Joseph asks, entering the RV before Tyler has a chance to say anything. “Tyler, you feeling okay? Your face is beet red,” she says, reaching behind her seat and feeling his forehead with the back of her hand like he’s still a child.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m fine,” he answers, brushing away her hand while Jay chokes back a laugh.

*************************************

“Ty, you sure you’re feeling okay? You’ve been so quiet,” Mrs. Joseph says about halfway through the drive. “You know what? Come to think of it, you all have. Did you boys get enough sleep last night?

The three answer in a mixture of nods, groans and a ‘Yeah’.

“Ok then. Well, since no one’s talking I’m just going to put on the radio,” Mrs. Joseph says, turning a knob on the dash.

The radio DJ’s voice comes through the speakers, “Welcome back to your home of all the greatest hits of the 90’s, early 2000’s, and today. Coming to you now is Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream.”

“NOPE!” Tyler exclaims, leaning into the front seat and quickly changing the station.

“Tyler, what’s wrong? You used to like that song?” his mom asks, confused.

“Yeah, Tyler, you used to like that song. What happened?” Jay teases.

“I did not!” Tyler argues, his face turning redder by the second.

“Yes, you did,” Jay then turns to Josh. “Josh, didn’t Tyler like that song?”

Tyler turns to look at Josh, watching as his face flushes, biting his lip as he holds back nervous laughter and shrugs his shoulders.

This is going to be a long day.

***************************************

After a lengthy day in the hot sun, swimming and hiking, and shared apologies between Tyler, Josh, and Jay, everyone heads into the RV for the night. Jay settles into one of the empty bunks on the left. Josh takes top bunk on the right with Tyler climbing into the bunk right below, and Mr. and Mrs. Joseph sleep in the larger room in the far back.

Just as everyone starts to doze off, the sky opens up and heavy rain pelts the metal roof, followed shortly by a bright flash of lightning.

“Not again,” Tyler mumbles to himself.

Josh reaches his hand down from his bunk to grip Tyler’s as he begins to count, “One Mississippi…”

Take It All Back (Finale)

Part Twenty

Summary: Jensen and Journey must decide what part they will play in each other’s future.  Pairing: Jensen x OFC (Macy, Journey) Word Count: 2185 Warnings: None? Series Inspiration: Take It All Back - Judah & the Lion

A/N: It has been an amazing adventure writing this story! Thank you to everyone who has supported, read, and commented! Hope you all enjoy the finale! 

Masterlist

Fourth of July was a bigger deal than Journey had expected. She was just as grateful as anyone in her family and friends that she had survived the car accident, if not more, but, miracle or not, she didn’t think that it warranted fifty people mulling around her parents’ house on the holiday.

“They’re happy to see you,” Natalie sighed, handing Journey a fresh tray of sliced fruit to set on the table outside before heading to answer the doorbell. “Please try to be personable.”

Journey let out a deep sigh and headed for the party in the backyard. She put the fruit out, picked up and threw out some empty paper plates and cups, then turned to look at the crowd. She needed to mingle, but there was no one in particular she wanted to talk to at the moment. In truth, she had been hoping to have close family and friends at the celebration, and all of this, was overwhelming.

“Maybe it’s been a long time, but I’d know that face anywhere,” a voice said behind her. “No escape routes here, Journ.”

She turned with a smile, which faded only a little when she noted the redhead standing close to Jensen. “Wondered if you I was going to see you — of course, it’s possible that you just snuck in with the rest of the crowd.”

“Yeah, I see your mom really went all out on the guest list. Speaking of guests, this is my girlfriend, Macy. Macy, this is Journey Ryan.”

Macy smiled politely, but Journey could see the hesitation in the other woman’s demeanor. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m glad you could come down and meet everyone.”

“Me too,” Macy said. “Jensen told me all about your miraculous recovery — it’s really amazing.”

“Oh, thank you,” Journey replied, modestly. A slight blush even garnished her cheeks. “Can’t really take credit it for it, I suppose. You two should mingle — Jay, Halen and Rachel are over by the pool with the kids. I’m going to see if Mom needs anymore help.”

She walked away before anything else could be said; it was too much to see Jensen with someone else. Sure, she’d seen pictures and media coverage over the years, but this was different.

There was no pretending that her discomfort was only Jensen and Macy were here in person. Over the years, Journey had simply chalked up her relationship with Jensen to the one that got away; save for Miles Clancy, however, she hadn’t come close to thinking about a relationship with anyone else. Being with anyone but Jensen didn’t seem natural.

As the evening wore on, so did Journey’s nerves. She didn’t want to be impatient with all the people who had come to see her, but as darkness fell and everyone started getting situated to watch the fireworks show, she saw her opportunity to escape. With only a moment of hesitation, Journey slipped away from the backyard, to the place she had always found comfort.

“I’m sorry I’m not staying around,” Macy said, rubbing her temple.

Jensen kissed her forehead and walked her up to his room. “Don’t even worry about it. You have something to take for your headache, or want me to see what Mom and Dad have in the medicine cabinet?”

“No, it’s okay, I’ve got some medicine in my bag. You go back to the party, okay?”

“I can stay here with you — I don’t want to leave you alone if you’re not feeling well.”

Macy kissed him softly. “Really, I’m just going to lay down and go to sleep. Keep your phone on you — if it gets too bad, I promise to call you and ask you to come home.”

Jensen accepted that for the time being, and headed back through the slider in the kitchen to the backyard. He could climb the fence and be back at the Ryans’ faster than going through the front yard and into their house again — he knew that from plenty of experience.

A shadow moving in the old treehouse in his parents’ backyard caught his eye. Instead of heading back to the holiday celebration, he climbed up the worn ladder, into the treehouse.

Watching the fireworks out the treehouse window that faced the Ryans’ house, was Journey. Her hands were in her pockets, and her head was tilted to one side. From the light of the moon and the fireworks, Jensen could make out the slightest bit of a smile.

“Finally made your escape, huh?”

Journey turned to him, and her smile widened. “Everyone was distracted by the fireworks. I needed some space.”

“Want me to leave?”

Looking back out the window, Journey shook her head. “You ever wonder if you’re supposed to be living a different life?”

The question caught him off-guard, but he knew exactly how she was feeling. “More than I could honestly tell you.”

She looked away from the window then, and made eye contact with him; hers were glazed over with the threat of tears. “I know the work I do is good, and I know that I’m a good person. So why do I feel like I missed something? Maybe it was the accident and I’m just re-evaluating my life or really trying to get some perspective — or maybe it’s the nature of almost dying.”

Jensen was rooted to the spot up to the moment that she wiped away the first tear that fell.  He took the two short strides to stand next to her, slid his arms around her shoulders, and pulled her to his side.

“Journey, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known — in this life or any other. I think you’re overwhelmed and trying to make sense of what happened. Maybe we — uh, you … maybe you just have to accept that it is what it is. Hardest thing for me to do sometimes, but I’d hate to know that you were driving yourself crazy with this.”

She nodded and leaned against him. Jensen ran his hand up and down her arm, content to stand there with her until she was ready to get home.

A couple of weeks later, Jensen drove Macy to the airport. They’d had a wonderful visit, he thought — doubled with Halen and Rachel once, spent time with his family, hung out with his old friends, even met up with Jared. He knew that Journey’s name had come up too many times in conversation, and that he was too familiar with her when she was at any gatherings they attended, but he assured Macy that it was only because he had known her since they were kids.

Once she checked in and dropped her suitcase with security, Jensen walked her as far as the security gate.

“I’ll see you back in Vancouver in a few weeks,” he promised, leaning forward to kiss her.

Macy ducked away from him. “No, you won’t. Jensen, I’m sorry to do this this way — I told myself that if you could believe you don’t still love Journey, so could I. Thing is, whether you want to admit it or not, and whether I want to believe it or not, you’re not over her. Don’t — you don’t have to say anything. I’m not that upset. What we had was good, but I think we both know it wasn’t going to last. It’s time for me to move on, and for you to figure out if you’re going to move on, or if you’re going to go after the girl your heart really wants.”

She kissed his cheek, took a good hold of her carry-on, and walked up to the TSA attendant without looking back.

Jovi was helping her sister get ready for the new school year, anxiously trying to figure out how to bring up the recent information she had discovered. After they finally left the craft supply store, Jovi decided the drive back to Journey’s apartment was as good a time as any.

“I heard recently that Jensen’s single again.”

Journey looked down at her hands in her lap. “I’m sure he’ll find someone else soon. He was always good at being on his own but there’s too many women that want him for him to pass up any opportunity.”

Jovi shrugged. “I was just thinking that, you know, maybe you could call him.”

“He doesn’t want to hear from me, Jov. If he did, he would have called me when he broke up with Macy — which happened when she left to go back to Vancouver, by the way.”

“How do you know?” Jovi exclaimed.

Journey sighed. “Mackenzie called me and told me as soon as Jensen told her, then proceeded to say more or less the same thing you did. You two are a couple of adorable younger sisters, but what Jensen and I had …”

“… Is not as far gone as you think! The two of you practically picked up right where you left off. Oh, Journ, if you could have seen the way you two still look at each other!”

Journey had nothing to say to her sister after that, except to say that she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She couldn’t help but think about it while she put her students’ folders together and made name tags for their desks. She thought about it through a spaghetti-dinner and while she tossed and turned trying to sleep that night.

Finally, when she woke in the morning, she sent Jovi a quick text message before getting on her laptop and booking the first flight out of Dallas.

You were right. It’s not over. Flying to Vancouver this afternoon.

The first few days back to filming were rough. Getting back into the swing of things wasn’t coming easy for Jensen, but he was making it work. He wasn’t doing much else besides filming, showering, eating breakfast and dinner, but that would change.

The dishes were done and he was showered and in pajamas one night, and certainly ready for bed. It was much later than he would have liked to have been getting to bed, but at least he would get some decent sleep tonight. A knock on the door gave him an instant feel of frustration, and he hoped that his visitor wouldn’t stay long — or perhaps the person had the wrong apartment.

He wasn’t at all expecting to see Journey on the other side of the door. His thoughts went from frustration to concern in less than a second.

“Journey? What are you doing here?”

She cleared her throat nervously. “There’s more about the accident I should tell you. Well, not about the accident, but while I was in the coma. Can I come in?”

He nodded, stepping aside so that she could come into the apartment. Her hands wrung nervously in front of her, and she couldn’t seem to stand still.

“I had this dream while I was out, about you. About us. It was this whole other life, Jay! You stayed in Texas and you were a trainer with the Cowboys … but we weren’t happy like we had always thought we would be. You slept with someone else and I was pushing you away. We lost a baby. I thought for sure that must have been my subconscious trying to tell me that things had worked out just the way they were supposed to have.” Journey’s hands dropped to her sides, and she stopped pacing. Meeting his eyes, she continued. “But what I should have concentrated on was that we didn’t give up on each other. We kept working at it because all we wanted was to be with each other, no matter how hard it was. Our life got better after that — so much better than I ever thought it would.”

Jensen stared at her in complete disbelief. Had they possibly had the exact same dream? Had it been a dream at all? Journey’s plea for him to say something, anything, broke him away from the possibilities.

Taking her hands in his, Jensen stepped right up to Journey. “Since I was thirteen years old, good or bad, this life or another, it’s always been you, Journey. You’re the only one I’ve loved, whether I wanted it that way or not. I didn’t leave Texas to leave you, but I knew leaving home wasn’t what you wanted. I guess that’s all past us, and we have to decide what to do now.”

Journey nodded. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve already decided what I want, Jay. I know we have a lot of catching up to do, getting to know each other again, figuring out how to make it work with your show, but I want to figure all that out. No matter how hard it gets.”

“Me too,” Jensen smiled. Hooking a finger under her chin, Jensen tilted Journey’s smiling lips up towards his.

Staying together would not be nearly as easy as deciding to be together had been, but as long as Jensen and Journey had each other, they knew the could overcome anything, in any life.