#her last act of life being for him. dying for who she loved the most
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the man who falls – secret origins (1989)
[ID: two panels of Martha Wayne. In the first panel she's blocking her son as she gets shot, her arms up and purse falling in the air. In the second panel, Bruce is staring horrified as his mother collapses near his dead father. The mugger has his back to the viewer and is looking at Bruce. END ID]
#do you ever think about how martha died protecting her son#her last act of life being for him. dying for who she loved the most#its no shock bruce associates dedication of love with how much he's willing to risk his life. for the people in his family & love interests#but also just for gotham itself and the people in it. he loves each stranger enough to risk helping them when hes needed each night#a mugging? a super villain? an exchange of life? it doesnt matter what the incident that kills him is as long as he dies for someone else#bruce wayne#martha wayne#crypt's panels#c: secret origins | the man who falls#baby brucie#bruce & martha#bruce's childhood
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++ 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘
[summary] wrio missed his wife, and she missed him just as much. two simps in love.
[cws] fluff. fem reader -> wriothesley’s wife. reader is a mondstadt native. kissing.
Wriothesley’s cup of tea pauses halfway to his mouth as there’s a knock at his office door. His fingers tighten unconsciously around the handle, that incessant throbbing at his temples that had been dying out suddenly tapping into its nth life.
He contemplates ignoring it; pretending he didn’t hear it and indulging in his fresh brew, but he’s never been one to shirk off his work, no matter how inconsequential the task.
He sets the cup down rougher than necessary, and the legs of his chair scrape loudly against the floor as he pushes it back from his desk and stands to his feet. Someone better be dead or on the verge.
It was an unspoken rule that Wriothesley wasn’t to be bothered at this time -a quarter after five until six- because it was official tea time, a very, very important time in his day that let the inhabitants in Meropide see his most agreeable side… although he had heard talk from a few gossipy guards and prisoners that his ‘pissy attitude’ this past month had nothing to do with his interrupted tea times, but rather that his wife had gone back to Mondstadt to visit family.
“You know how he gets when he doesn’t see her after a while—downright scary. I’ve never seen a man look so enraged and distraught at the same time.”
“He put me on pipe restoration duty —don’t laugh, it isn’t funny! Worst job in the whole place, I swear— for the next six months all because my wife dropped by with a bento on my break. Apparently no one can be happy when his missus is away.”
“I caught him staring at her picture the other day, y’know the one he keeps in that chain around his neck, and sighing like some schoolgirl. I nearly thought my daughter had somehow gotten herself arrested and thrown down here when I heard all those lovesick sighs.”
It was all hearsay and speculation, of course. Wriothesley could manage just fine with you away - he was a grown man, a weathered man, a man who could function fully without the company of his wife.
That’s right, he thinks to himself. He’s been doing just fine in your absence, a bit quicker to anger than usual, but with the looming threat of being turned into a big, sopping puddle right below his feet, could you really blame him?
The door is wrenched open, strands of black and gray flying back from where they rested against his forehead due to the strong gust of wind he created.
“What is it now?” He nearly hisses out, but he manages to get a reign on it last minute, the words coming out a bit strained instead. He eyes the guard standing in front of him, their eyes flitting between the crease between his brows and the floor. “Spit it out before I—”
He stops abruptly when he hears a voice that he knows intimately well, and had he possessed any shame when it came publicly displaying the love he harbored for you, he would have been a touch embarrassed at the speed of which his frown smoothed out and the throbbing in his head disappeared, a sparkle in his eyes as his shoulders lose a bit of their tension.
“Oh? He has? Thank you for telling me, Sigewinne. I’ll get right on that.” You come rounding the corner with the small doctor at your side, a knapsack in your hands, and had Wriothesley been any less sane, he would have swore that he could feel the rays of the sunshine beaming down on his skin and fresh air filtering into his lungs when you turned your gaze to him, scornful as it was.
You’re fitted in a dress that’s customary for the women in your homeland to wear, and flowers are weaved into your hair, and the ring on your finger seems to shine a bit brighter.
“Wriothesley.” You march up to him, eyebrows knitted together, and push your finger against his chest. “What is this I hear about you acting like a tyrant?”
“You look beautiful.” He breathes out.
“And going to the Pankration ring? You know those poor people don’t stand a chance against you. That’s just bullying.”
“Let me take your bag, it looks heavy.”
“And you haven’t been eating right, either! Look at your face — you’ve lost weight!” He transfers the bag from your hands to his, and when his fingers brush against yours, he finally lets a smile bloom on his face, being met with a huff. “Don’t smile at me. I’m mad at you.”
“Can’t help it, happy to see you.” You falter a bit, corners of your lips twitching, but you hold strong, choosing to save face in front of the onlookers—always put up a good fight, especially when others are looking, is what he had told you once upon a time. “I’ve missed you so much.” It comes out in a low murmur, eyes locked onto yours and refusing to stray, even when you decide that his gaze is a bit too heavy for the setting and avert your own.
“I-well-you…just get inside your office.”
He’s nice enough to hold back a chuckle, instead stepping to the side so that you can shuffle past him and inside. Before he shuts the door, his gaze turns icy and his smile thins out as he lets his eyes sweep over everyone present. A resounding groan is heard, the unspoken promise loud and clear, and then he’s pushing the door shut and turning on his heel.
You’re on him in a second, arms wrapped around his waist as you bury your face into his chest. He returns the hug just as quick, thick, burly arms circling around your shoulders as his head dips down so he can stuff his nose into your hair and breathe your scent in.
Your voice comes out muffled as you try to speak, and he loosens his hold on you a bit, allowing you to pop your head up so you can look up at him. There’s a halfhearted pout on your lips, and his response is a reflex as he leans down to give you a peck once, twice, three times before moving on to place one on the tip of your nose.
“You were supposed to let me scold you out there, birdie. Now everyone’s gonna know that I let you off easy.”
“Let me off easy? I’d say this is the meanest you’ve ever been to me,” he gives an exaggerated expression of hurt. “You haven’t even told me you missed me, or that you’re happy to see me, or that you’ll never leave again because you couldn’t stand being away from me.”
“You’re so dramatic.” You smile despite yourself, and he kisses you again, scarred hands moving to cradle your cheeks. You part with a gasp for air, and its his turn to smile when you stretch up to reconnect your lips, the lack of air not deterring you in the slightest.
“Breathe, sweetheart…” He rasps against your lips, and you suck in a breath, eyes slowly blinking as you tug at the material of his shirt. There’s a rush of emotions that washes over him at the unspoken confirmation that you missed him just as much as he had missed you, and he lets his hands wander down to settle on your waist, fingers flexing as they squeeze at the flesh there through the material of your dress.
“Well, well, well,” he starts, and you blink out of your stupor to don a guilty expression. “Looks like you haven’t been eating right, either, hypocrite.” He lightly pinches at your side, and you squeal out a laugh as you lightly bat at his hand.
“Have I told you that I missed you, and that I’m sooo happy to see you, and that I’ll never, ever leave again because I can’t stand being away from you?” You flutter your lashes up at him, direct that heart-stopping smile up at him, and for a split second he thinks that the primordial sea has broken the seal and reduced him to nothing but a puddle at your feet.
“Careful now, words like that are liable to kill a man, and this place isn’t fitting for a sweet girl like you.”
“Oh? Then maybe I should leave earlier than I intended t—” He quiets you with a kiss, and you laugh into it, earning a gentle nip on your bottom lip. Your teasing smile settles into something sweeter, tender, vulnerable, and it mirrors him perfectly.
You both speak your next words in unison.
“I missed you.”
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hey! you could write with john wick coming home to find his wife in the garden with the "garden boy" who clearly likes her but she doesn't realize it. i imagine john being subtle and quiet with his jealousies, nothing too scandalous but serious and direct. fluffly, please and thank you so much 🩷
*˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳I loved this idea so much! I hope you like it, feel free to ask for any expanding drabbles of these two <3
Jealous!John Wick x Naive!Reader
Tags: john is jealous, reader is naive about his jealousies, gardener def has a crush but would rather quit than act on it with john always around, age gap mention, lower class reader in a rich world, possessive john, protective john, primal john
Summer was dying, August dragging out the heat of July, telling the world it was unready to leave just yet. And you, well, you were enjoying the last of the long days, the time when sunset went on for ages, and burned in the sky a blazing orange over your backyard. You always loved the sun, how it turned everything golden each evening, and how it kissed your skin with its heat.
You were barely breaking a sweat, laying out by the pool while the gardener worked on the bushes. He was young. More around your age than your husband John. Which was nice sometimes, when you got to converse with him, both because of his age, and like you he wasn't from a wealthy background. It kept you a bit more grounded while the life of luxury continued on around you, it was nice to confide in him.
Unfortunately, what you never noticed was the gardeners wandering eyes. Even now, as you lay out in your bikini, eyes closed and skin happy to drink up the suns rays, he can't help but to watch you. If you asked the gardener about it, he would never admit to his little crush on you. As much as that would be unprofessional of him, he also has no interest in messing with his employer, John Wick. There were rumors, you know, about John coming home, bruised and bloody, a painting of struggle on his skin, the smell of gunpowder on his suit. The gardner has even caught a glimpse before, and watched as you greet your husband as a source of safety and comfort. No one asked why it was that John came home in such a state, but everyone knew, and because of that, the gardener would never pursue you. He would remain a healthy confidant, easing your worries in the world of the rich, and letting you keep in touch with the world outside the private neighborhood.
The gardener still steals a look or two while he thinks he can get away with it. His headphones buzz with music, drowning out the weed whacker as well as much of his own thoughts. He idly appreciated your body and your beauty from afar, before his stomach drops. He felt for only a moment that he was the one being watched now, and when his eyes flicker up, he meets a set of dark, dangerous eyes. John has entered the backyard, likely in search of his wife, who is currently enjoying the last days of summer. The most frightening part is how close he is, the gardner had no idea that John had snuck up behind him, and now he feels the trail of sweat down his back running cold.
Instead of finding his wife, John sees this man, who he pays handsomely to do work John has no time for, drooling over his wife. The gardener quickly looks away, trying to be busy with work, but the feeling of John's gaze never leaves his back. He starts to feel sweaty for reasons besides the burning August heat, and does everything he can to stop from looking over his back once more. There was just something about John that scared him to his core, and he felt he should trust that feeling if he were to survive.
Unfortunately for the gardener, John isn't finished. He feels John remove one of his ear buds, the man now so close he can smell John's expensive taste in cologne.
"I don't pay you to eye fuck my wife." John growls out, assertive and serious.
"N-no, of course not, Mr. Wick…" The gardener quickly tries to find his way out of this mess, John's cold eyes are enough to scare him away from looking at you for a good long while.
"Good. I suggest you go home for the night." John maintains professionalism always, but the thoughts running through his head tell a different story. The gardener can practically see these thoughts and takes John's suggestion, quickly moving away to pack up.
Meanwhile, you don't even know this interaction has happened, eyes closed lightly, sunglasses blocking out the sun. It isn't until John's lips kiss and whisper against your cheek, that you realize your husband is home for the day. Your eyelids flutter open, happy to see his dark form against the dulling blue sky. He looks at you with a small fire in his eyes, and you have no idea he is trying to show off while he continues to kiss down your neck.
He's halfway to your breast, maybe more, when you glimpse the gardener beginning to pack up in a haste, and gently pull John away, for modesty if anything. You notice the gardener refuses to look in your direction and wonder why.
"John, wait…" You say softly, and John let's out a small noise of annoyance that his lips must be pulled from your soft skin.
"What's wrong?" His voice is low, gruff.
"Let's wait until…" Your eyes finish your sentence, looking towards the gardener once more. John scoffs when he sees where your gaze is going.
"What? I'm not allowed to lay claim to you in front of the staff?" He says, almost arrogantly. You aren't exactly surprised, John has always been protective, if not possessive. You don't mind it much, in fact sometimes it even turned you on how primal he could be about it. But you also thought you had tamed his jealousy regarding the gardener months ago.
"You don't have to claim me, John, I'm already yours…" You say with a smirk, kissing right under his well kept beard. John seems to be calmed for the moment by your words, and while he enjoys your kiss, the gardner slips away for the night, safe once again for now.
John's eyes open when your lips leave his neck, and he looks down at you, perplexed.
"Why'd you stop…?" He breathes out, voice already dripping, husky with want. You smirk, and stand from where you were sun tanning, taking his hand and pulling him to the house.
#john wick x f!reader#john wick drabble#john wick x reader#john wick x you#john wick fan fic#lila speaks#ask lila#keanu reeves#my writing#••• ◛ ʸᵒᵘ’ᵛᵉ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵐᵃⁱˡ!
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van helsing character notes from today: he is typically "up to time" (punctual), and also always brings his bag with him now (ready for the worst)
"Let all be put down... exactly." OH GOD. here it comes.
I love the way Jack says "it was a lovely morning"; he's speaking with hindsight here, and his misery and resignation color all that came before. He sounds almost mournful as well as wistful when he describes the beautiful day, because he knows the contrast awaiting him inside.
Jack saying "She is always an early riser." with a audible side-eye is so funny. I don't think it's about what he's saying here, more the context of her seeing Lucy and not noticing her sleep isn't peaceful rest. And of course taking away the flowers. Or maybe it's even just that he wishes he didn't have to run into her first thing in the morning.
I LOVE the little, "mm?" interspersed throughout Mrs. Westenra's speech. Again, I feel like the voice acting paints such a good picture of her character, and especially here where she is seeking praise/showing off her self-satisfaction at "helping"
Speaking of. The little edge of rasp in Jack's delivery of "to which she answered:" just before Mrs. Westenra reveals what she has done. And his resigned tone on "asked the Professor." As he's narrating this dialogue he is restricted to just speech tags but his delivery makes his misery clear.
the music creeping in as Mrs. Westenra talks about the "horrible, strong-smelling flowers" building as you realize what she's done and what it must mean in time with van Helsing...!
Mrs. Westenra sounds so proud of herself. So oblivious and cheerful.
The little quiver in Jack's voice at "he actually smiled on her"
"Then, for the first time in my life, I saw Van Helsing break down." Jack speaks this line softly, almost wonderingly. He has so much faith in van Helsing, and he's been using his mentor's confidence as a linchpin to keep his own composure; to see van Helsing break like this is terrifying to him I think. And he doesn't know what to do about it, can't say anything.
van Helsing's sobs and gasping breaths for control are BRUTAL. SO INCREDIBLE. god and his plea to god. AMAZING
and the music, almost gentle at first but more and more creepy and lingering/ominous as he goes along
the fierce determination as van Helsing insists they will keep fighting
"yet another operation of transfusion of blood." the way Jack says this line I think really brings out a sense of hopeless resignation. He sounds almost sickened at the last word. Everything seems to point to this being useless yet again, but obviously failing to try their utmost isn't even a consideration. He just is losing hope that it can be stopped.
"Again the operation; again the narcotic; again some return of colour to the ashy cheeks, and the regular breathing of healthy sleep." THIS delivery is so excellent. The deep sigh, the resigned tone, the almost bored listing of what was once so agonizing an operation. The way he doesn't linger on Lucy's improvement at all, doesn't even linger on van Helsing's condition. Instead he just kind of sums up that it worked (for now), that van Helsing spoke to Mrs. Westenra, etc. etc.....
"After another hour Lucy waked from her sleep, fresh and bright and seemingly not much the worse for her terrible ordeal." He sounds almost amused, and so exhausted, so sad. She doesn't even know that she has nearly died for a third time. She doesn't know that, as far as he can tell, she will continue on just like this, on and on, nearly dying, barely saved, recovered and cheerful, and then death coming back again, and again, until eventually it cannot be denied any longer...
van Helsing broke down today, but Jack is the one who is most brutally disheartened. He's losing hope, he's becoming almost numb, he's doubting his own mind.
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Waiting For Nothing
Pairing: Legolas Greenleaf x F!Reader
A/N: I haven't written for LOTR for a while, so I thought I'd make ya'll sad with this angsty Legolas fic. Have fun!
The hearts of the warriors are often small; they've grown accustomed to fighting and death. And in each battle they fight, a layer of their heart sheds off. It falls to the ground, and rejoins the earthly soil to be reborn in another's. The scars remain, but the feelings behind the memories will slowly fade, until there is nothing more than the shell of a man who attained glory with his rotting heart a testament to the last sliver of hope that echoed in the beating of his heart.
Your heart was rather large. Having lived most of your life as the poor peasant girl with no relatives by blood, Edoras welcomed you into open arms. You were friends with almost everyone, especially with Théoden's niece, Éowyn, who quickly became your best friend - Théoden even considered you his niece as well because of how close you two were. The two of you would go riding on horses, galloping around in joy as you remained oblivious to the impending doom that would soon terrorize the entirety of Rohan in just a matter of a few days.
"I can hardly see why you roam this castle so willingly when we know your place is outside in a small hut…" Grima Wormtongue spat when you had walked past him. You glanced at him over your shoulder, your lips sharply turning into a scowl. The audacity of that vile creature to even speak in your direction. You huffed out in annoyance, biting the inside of your cheek as you chose your next words, carefully.
"Bold words coming from a creature that is more disheveled than an Orc," You snickered before haughtily marching off.
Within hours, you were kicked out of the palace and exiled from Rohan. You were back to being an orphan, right where you had started. Éowyn had looked at you with such pain in her eyes but she knew that if she were to act out against this cruel decree, she would face a similar fate and nothing could be done to save the Kingdom she so dearly loved.
Living in the outskirts was not as easy as you had initially thought it to be. In your mind, you had foolishly assured yourself that since you had been in this condition before everything would come naturally. It wasn't until the first hour passed did you sorely miss the place you once called home. With nowhere to go, you wandered around aimlessly, circling the borders of Edoras repeatedly to keep your mind occupied. By the 5th day, you swore you were dying due to starvation and thirst. You could barely move, your body lay stricken on a rock as you gasped for air. Your head tilted slightly to your right, the pain in your stomach blooming to elsewhere in your body and from afar, you noticed three horses charging towards you. You couldn't even sit up properly to examine the incoming invaders, and you weakly lifted your hand, silently begging for help.
The three horses revealed their masters on top of them, a tall dark haired man, another being that resembled a wizard and on top of the third horse was a dwarf, and in front of him the most beautiful elf you had ever seen. You had heard stories of elves before in your life, ones that were told by Éowyn, but never once did you think one would be standing right before you. If you were to die in this exact moment, you would've been very pleased that you at last saw an elf.
The man jumped off his horse and crouched down to your level, feeling your forehead before turning to the elf,
"Legolas, fetch her some of your Lembas bread, and you Gimli give her your water." The man instructed; not knowing whose name belonged to which creature, you looked between the four beings with curiosity, despite being so near to death's door. The elf crouched down besides you, allowing you to drink some water before chewing on his bread. Your hunger knew no bounds and you chewed and chewed, swallowing whole lumps of bread as you slowly began to regain some of your health. The man sighed in contentment, giving you a soft smile before standing up to walk towards the Wizard. The elf, on the other hand, stared at you with a gentle smile on his face and kept offering you food until you said no.
"What's your name?" The man asked,
"My name is (Y/N) (L/N)," You whispered, taking another sip of water. You coughed a few times, swallowing thickly before meeting his gaze.
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Gandalf the White, that is Gimli, son of Gloin and over to your left is Legolas of the Woodland Realms." Aragorn exclaimed, gesturing towards the elf beside you. You glanced back to face the elf, a small smile forming on your face. After acquainting yourself with the 4 beings, they heard your pitiful tale and realized that Rohan deeply needed imminent change. They allowed you to accompany them, seating yourself behind Aragorn as the horses charged forward.
Your eyes, however, remained glued onto the elf. You noticed his soft features, the way the wind seemed to swirl around him and only him, and his piercing eyes that scoured the land before him with diligence. His silence captivated you, and you did not know why.
With Grima Wormtongue out of the way, and your adoptive uncle restored to his glory, it seemed that you were finally welcome in the castle. Éowyn had rushed forward, capturing you into a warm embrace before kissing your forehead. She grinned at you, holding onto your arms ecstatically as she danced to and fro, dragging you deeper into the throne room. As she tugged at your hands, you glanced to your right to find the elf conversing with the dwarf, the both of them walking in the opposite direction with concern glazing their eyes. You wanted to listen, you wanted to be a part of them… but you did not know why. You yearned for the chance to just be alone with him, and whether it was good for Rohan or not, the chance soon came when everyone was ordered to seek shelter at Helm's Deep.
"You're rather quiet," You chirped, catching up to Legolas. The walk to Helm's Deep was excruciating and you feared that the boredom would kill you before starvation or even worse - the Uruk-hais. Legolas smirked, his lips curving ever so slightly upwards before he turned to face you,
"Forgive me. I am not one to converse so easily in such pressing times. Though, of course, must you include Gimli in our conversation, I shall pass a few jokes at his expense." He glanced over his shoulder to face Gimli atop his horse; the dwarf shook his head and grumbled,
"I'd cut yer pointy ears off if ye try to embarrass me in front of this lassie," He scoffed and you let out a laugh, before turning to Legolas,
"Come now, surely you would be able to carry a conversation without teasing the poor dwarf!"
"Perhaps, but I do not know for sure," He sighed, before resuming his silence as he watched the horizons.
Legolas knew. He could sense your attraction towards him, but he chose not to say anything about it. He hoped that it would pass, that you would not be bound at his feet, desperate for his affection. Because it would never work, and he did not have the heart to admit that he did not have any feelings for you. You were trying so hard, trying to spend more time with him. You were trying to distract yourself from the doom that lay ahead of you because everyone knew how big your heart was; all you could ever do was dream.
Éowyn and you had both tried to convince the King to let the two of you fight. There was nothing for you to lose, you both loved your Kingdom, tremendously. But as Aragorn reminded Éowyn of her duty, you turned to face Legolas whose piercing eyes never once left you. His lips formed into a thin line, and he followed Aragorn out of the room, leaving you in your thoughts.
"She's very affectionate towards you," Aragorn pointed out as they were leaving,
"I'm well aware," Legolas responded.
"What do you plan to do about it?" The man questioned.
"Nothing."
"Nothing? Legolas, perhaps-"
"Perhaps we do not speak of it." Legolas jeered, his brows furrowing at the rightful heir to Gondor. "We have more pressing matters to deal with, the lives of 100 thousand men are at steak tonight."
"Ignoring her will only heighten her love for you, she will be desperate. She will be fooled into thinking that she has a chance. If you are going to reject her, at least have the courage to tell her directly!"
"That wee lass will be devastated," Gimli chimed in, fixing his helmet, "You sure you don't feel anything?"
"I'm positive, I do not." Legolas grimaced and shoved past his two friends to grab his arrows. The incoming surge of Uruk-hais was his primary concern, but the guilt he felt as he killed one after the other tormented him. With each arrow he shot, he felt his burden increase tenfold. Aragorn and Gimli were right, but why could he not bring himself to tell you the truth? To tell you that he had no feelings for you?
Because… then he would be lying. He watched you from afar at times, watched the way you'd dance with Éomer, your arm wrapped around his as you skipped around. You'd stand beside Théoden to catch a breath, your eyes searching for Legolas and when they landed on him, he'd instantly look away - as if he wasn't staring at you. As if he wasn't infatuated with you the same way you were with him. He was lying to himself, he wanted to break free. He wanted to stand near you, to hear you constantly chittering about something; his heart ached at the sight of you fondly playing with some children. His mind roamed to thoughts that turned into dreams; dreams of you and him together. But this was wrong, all of this was wrong. He would only live a short life with you, and when you died, he would spend the rest of his life in solitude.
He'd seen it with his father. He'd seen the way his mother's death impacted him; he was not a man of many words, but his cold demeanor lingered around Legolas, a constant reminder of the similar fate he'd feel if he decided to indulge in his present feelings. He decided that he had to do something about it, even if he couldn't face it himself.
"Would you like something to eat?" You asked, toying with an apple as Legolas tended to his horse near the campsite. He glanced over his shoulder, looking at you with solemn eyes. You could've sworn a tear drop cascaded down his pale cheeks. He harshly took a deep breath in, and shook his head,
"It is alright, I do not need anything to eat." He responded, his fingers wrapped around the reins of his horse.
"Well, perhaps I could offer you something? It is not material…" You began, stepping forward with hope in your eyes. It pained him, it pained him more than anything else in the world. He could not bring himself to do this, but at the same time, it would be even worse to accept your affections.
"Lady (L/N), please." Legolas exclaimed, finally meeting your eyes, "Do not continue. I… I cannot accept your affection."
You paused in your tracks, looking at him with wide eyes.
"I do not… envision a future of us two living a happy life." He was searching for proper words, his head turning around the room as if he was physically swimming through his thoughts, "I… My heart is heavy, I have never felt this way for anyone. I do not want to be the one to burden your heart, but I am afraid that you must keep those feelings to yourself. There is nothing that I can do. Nothing we can do."
"I… You… You don't even know what I was going to say…" You reasoned, and Legolas let out a huff,
"I do not need to hear you say it, I already know. I've seen the way you look at me, the way you tend to me. I am forever in your debt for your kindness, I thank you for it. But, it cannot continue. Aragorn, Gimli, and I will be leaving tonight." Legolas murmured, tugging on the reins as he drove his horse forward and away from you. Your heart sunk at his words, unsure of what was happening.
This couldn't be happening to you. Not before you even had the chance to tell him how you felt. What if he realized how true your love was for him? What if this was the last time you ever saw him?
"I shall be waiting for you." You stated, swiftly turning on your heels to face his departing form.
"Don't, you'll be waiting for nothing," Legolas whispered, his eyes softening at your words.
"Nothing is… indeed something," You breathed, your fingers linked together as you began to fidget, nervously. "Perhaps, you'll understand. Perhaps you'll… come back."
"Perhaps, but I would not count on it." Legolas sighed, before hopping onto his horse and riding off, leaving you alone for the night.
"I see you've told her how you felt," Aragorn had asked Legolas when they were far from Rohan, "Does it feel as if your heart is lighter now, with nothing to worry about?"
Legolas paused, hearing Gimli grumble a few curses under his breath regarding the elf. He opened his mouth to speak, before closing it. The elf thought deeply, his mind was utterly blank and he hated it.
"I feel…" He began, "I feel as if I've only made it worse. Not just for her, but... for me as well." He swallowed, thickly, before glancing over his shoulder to take one last look at Rohan. The wind was still, there was not much that he could hear.
Except for the beating of a very large heart that painfully yearned for him with each fleeting second.
#writing#fanfiction#fanfic#legolas x reader#legolas greenleaf#legolas#legolas greenleaf x reader#legolas x you#legolas x y/n#lotr#lord of the rings#the hobbit#the lord of the rings#lord of the rings fanfiction#lotr fanfiction#lotr fanfic#lord of the rings fanfic#the lord of the rings fanfiction#legolas greenleaf x you#legolas greenleaf x y/n#orlando bloom#orlando bloom x reader#orlando bloom x y/n#orlando bloom x you
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I’m insane and out of my depth but I like to think about different metaphors for the relationship between Harry, Voldemort and Dumbledore. Although the obvious one is Dumbledore as God, Harry as Christ and Voldemort as Satan sometimes they seem to me akin to a mortal family, such are the families in the great Greek tragedies, families whose drama is incensed by the Gods and whose stakes are high enough to affect cities, countries, generations.
I’m thinking about the cursed House of Atreus and this post by the amazing @artemideaddams and these are the bits that I think apply the most to the Dumbledore-Harry-Voldemort triad:
(…) would the family fail, the whole country would fail too. The gods know that.
For Iphigenia to be Clitemnestra's favourite daughter, she need to die first.
She has long known that the only child that could never become their father is the one that will forever be a child. The only one who would have never mourned his death was the one killed by him.
Iphigenia had two moments of glory in her story: when her father killed her, and when her mother avenged her. Being killed, being avenged. Being a pawn to kill or an excuse to kill may not be so different, after all. No one ask for her opinion in both cases.
if Iphigenia would have not be so good, so perfect (…) she would have been free to just BE.
I love characters who are aware of their role in the narrative but cannot stop the narrative from unfolding like Captain Crozier in The Terror. He knows he’s in a tragedy/horror, he knows they’re doomed but he can’t change his fate or the fate of his men.
When Harry realises that he is a Horcrux he occupies a similar state of mind: he knows what genre of story he inhabits. He knows he’s meant to be his world’s Christ. Then all remaining childhood illusions dissolve: he was never meant to live, he was always meant to die. These seventeen years he spent between two of Voldemort’s kisses are but an intermission between acts in an opera. Like most of the famous Arias, Harry is meant to die before the curtain closes. Like Iphigenia as she learns of her role:
we talk about Harry as a “good little soldier” but I think we are mistaken: his obedience is filial. Like a good son, a good daughter. Dumbledore is, in his own words, his last and greatest protector. His last parent figure.
Harry gets to be the perfect child and, thus, the perfect lamb. Dumbledore loves him. And through that love that sacrifice is made greater.
What could ease Artemis’ anger so the winds could sail Agamemnon’s fleet to Troy? What sacred deer? What killing should be done to conquer the Dark Lord?
Not just any wizard, not just any child, not just any son, any daughter — a perfect one, whose unbreakable obedience would have him go to his death willingly. Harry doesn’t run, doesn’t cower. He goes willingly.
Harry is like a child caught in the midst of a nasty divorce. Crushed between Mother (Dumbledore) and Father (Voldemort).
My mother, she killed me,
My father, he ate me
But Voldemort’s role is ambiguous. Dumbledore is a parent figure to him as well — and they’re bitterly disappointed in each other. Let us remember, however, that the House of Atreus is a house of incest. Son-husband Voldemort to mother-wife Dumbledore is everything Harry isn’t. He’d never laid down his life in sacrifice. He’s too much like the unspoken root of Dumbledore’s rot, Grindelwald. Tom Riddle grew up in a way that Harry didn’t, and by growing up he became like Grindelwald, the unspoken Father, the unspoken Husband.
By dying, Harry is perfect. By refusing mortality Tom Riddle is corrupted.
As @artemideaddams puts it, regarding Iphigenia: no one asked her opinion. Harry obeys his mother and is consumed by his father. He is filial to both. He is a lamb to both.
#will come back to this later#anyway#riddledore#harry potter#albus dumbledore#tom riddle#lord voldemort
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I think Swansong dying after killing Leopardstar the second time could be a good spot. A swan song, if you will. Like you said; his sister and brother had the shoulder what Leopardstar did to them alone (and Stonefur died because of it). I just imagine Mistystar seeing him in his last moments with all the love he can muster for her sister before finally going night night forever
It could also tie nicely into the very somber, reverant way she responds to Lizardtail coming to fetch help.
She's just been sitting beside Swansong, trying to apply pressure to his wounds, but there's just too many and there's not enough herbs to go around. They both admit that nothing can be done and just choose to spend their last moments together saying goodbye.
When his final breath hitches in his chest and his flank goes still forever, the noble leader finally allows herself to let out a soft sob. It's been a long time since she's just let herself cry, even a little. For almost as long as she can remember, her life has been like someone hooked a claw into her belly and she's slowly being flayed alive.
Oakheart, Silverstream, her uncle Crookedstar, Graypool, Stonefur, Pikepaw, Primrosepaw. The killing of Deerfoot for the crime of saving her life, the betrayal of her mate Blackclaw, the furious battle with Leopardstar for the fate of her Clan.
And now she has outlived both of her brothers. Her fiercest, most loyal ally, who has been with her through everything, is gone.
She couldn't be cruel to him as he died, wouldn't let his last living memory of her be anger, but now she lets herself sob and clutch his white fur in her claws. How dare he die for her? It was always enough for him to just be alive!
By the time she regains her composure, Jayfeather still isn't done with his... whatever he's doing. But they do see the dark water of the lake rippling, and Lizardtail bursts onto the shore and bounds across the moor, wheezing about Tigerstar's change in plans, begging for help.
When he collapses right there, exhausted but alive, how could she not admire this? ...some may want to call him running away an act of cowardice, or dismiss the Dark Forest trainee as just trying to save his own pelt.
But she's just lost her own brother. Death doesn't seem so glorious right now.
No, she remarks quietly, on this night, he has made a hallowed flight across the lake. He's come for help, and his information will save many lives. She doesn't have the idea of making this an Honor Title just yet.
It's just very, very brave, in her weary eyes. Enough loss. Enough proving our mettle in battle. Let's end this, so that we can live.
#BB!Mistystar#BB!Swansong#BOTTE#Battle of the true eclipse#BB!Hallowflight#Idk she makes me feel things man#Ohhh Misty. We're really in it now
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ok, something that are bothering me that people are making out about the finale of Miraculous (im not saying it's perfect but i want to analyse this)
Why Ephemeral's Gabriel's wish was worse and Recreation's was allowed?
Intention. In Ephemeral Gabriel only wanted to have Emilie back, regardless of who had to die for it. He indeed wanted to create a new reality in which she never got sick. In Recreation, Marinette talked to him and Gabriel got to hear his wife's last wish: let me go, accept your mistakes and love our son. He didnt create a new timeline, nor a new reality, he just changed his future, Nathalie's and probaby his wife's as well. That's why everyone still remembered everything
Does Adrien sees Gabriel as a hero?
For what i saw, yes and no. Adrien only saw Gabriel as a "hero" for giving his life to "defeat" Monarch, probably wishing to have been there helping Ladybug. But after that, he literally told Marinette "with you, i finally feel free". So he still remembers his father's abuse and incarceration. Sadly, he was still his father, so obviously his death still matters. And that theme could and should be touched in season 6
Why the statue?
Because Tomoe needed to save her ass lmao. No one apart from Gabriel, Nathalie and Lila knew she was involved. So she probably blamed Monarch of the hijacking, accepted Ladybug's "truth" of Gabriel dying and made the statue to look good for the parisians.
Why everyone acted as if nothign happened?
They did not. And this is important : THERE WAS A TIMESKIP. BECAUSE MS BUSTIER'S BABY WAS BORN. And Alec says it has been weeks since Caline was elected Mayor of Paris, so it has been a bunch of time for Adrien to mourn his father and for the rest to get themselves ok after the Nightmare Event.
i think these are the most important points being discussed. Obviously there are stuff i dont agree with (the statue specially, i hope Parisians pee on it), but there are some stuff that need a little more of instropection and not literally be told to the face.
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Me: omg I love the SoH ROs so much all I wanna do is daydream about them
Me, daydreaming about them: what if they almost died... What if they're bleeding out... What if the MC is bleeding out...
Unfortunately they're all blorbos now, which means I want them to suffer (affectionate)
Which brings the question, in a near death situation, which one of the ROs goes for a dramatic one liner and which one tries to actually say something meaningful?
Blade: he isn't one for drama so I feel like he just wouldn't really think, "i'm dying so this may be my last chance to say something," and would just be like "you... need to get out of here..." (always thinking of the other person), but if he did think he was dying, he'd try to say something meaningful!
Trouble: I don't think Trouble thinks he can be killed for real so he'd probably not even notice the severity of his own wounds, like "I'm fine, stop fussing over me and help [someone else wounded] or get after the enemy or etc.!!!" Not necessarily being nobly selfless like Blade, just sort of not aware how close he is to death and so isn't thinking about it/taking it seriously
Tallys: if she actually thinks she has a real shot of dying, she's staying calm and composed for the other person's sake and is going to fade away with quiet dignity, but she's definitely going to exchange some of the most heartfelt, gut-wrenching, meaningful words anyone's ever heard in their life on her hypothetical deathbed
Shery: I think she'd be sort of panicking and hysterical and trying to think of something meaningful to say, but it'd probably come off as menial, like "Make sure to look after Caine, and... please look after my plants..." Like frantically trying to go down a checklist and sort of being confused and panicky rather than having the wherewithal to actually say what she'd want to say in that kind of situation!
Riel: he'd be extremely calm and would be dishing out instructions on how it's going to go down and what's going to happen next. Basically getting his affairs in order in an efficient and tidy way as he's like literally bleeding out lol, by his composure alone you wouldn't think he was wounded! Basically the exact opposite of Shery, and it would only be in the final few moments of consciousness that he could stop being totally "logical" and he'd get quiet and be like, oh. this could actually be the end. In which case he'd try to sneak in something heartfelt and striking and poignant, but he'd probably have expended all his energy on the first part and would lose consciousness halfway through, so no one would know what he was going to say, and he "wouldn't remember" when he woke up lol
Chase: I think it really depends on the situation... he's been in so many near-death scenarios that he's gotten out of perfectly fine that it's a bit hum-drum for him now, so if it's a simple matter of "oh no i've been shot and i'm bleeding out" he'd probably go for the quip or the dramatic one-liner purely to put the people around him at ease or get them to crack a smile, but if it's like a "oh I'm already dead and there's no way anyone's going to save me except by literal intervention of the gods", maybe he'd say something more meaningful?? It really depends on who's with him and how lucid he is, though!
Red: he'd try to be bracing and good-hearted about it so as to not worry anyone or sabotage himself while he's down (he's of the mindset that if you embrace/accept death too preemptively, you're more likely to die, whereas if you act like it's going to be fine, there's a higher chance that, like, placebo effect will somehow help you pull through), so he'd be like, "Don't worry, haha, I've had worse..." *is bleeding out from a gut shot* "YOU HAVE??" "Well, no, but it hardly hurts..." I think if he genuinely thought it was too late for him, he'd say something meaningful, but it would take a lot for him to get to that point lol
Ayla: I feel like she'd just be pissed and not accepting the gravity of the situation, like, "Why are you all looking at me like that, I'm fine??? Blood replaces itself, you are being dramatic" So she probably wouldn't "waste time" on being sentimental when she can just WILL herself to get better, but if it got to the point where she thinks it's genuinely over, she'd abruptly get scared, emotional, tearful, and she'd probably choke out something vulnerable, like "I don't want to go like this..."
Briony: I think she'd be in shock and would behave similarly to Shery where she would just be saying whatever was racing through her mind, so it could possibly be meaningful and vulnerable, like "I always wanted to... [x]" or it could be somewhat nonsensical or brushing the whole thing off, like "It's just a scratch, I just need to rest, make sure that so-and-so is seen to because I saw that they were limping..." (thinking she's just going to pass out now)
Lavinet: I think she'd be very noble and dignified and graceful in near-death, like she'd arrange herself very beautifully and would be lying there in some infirmary bed with her hair spread out across the pillow as so-and-so clutches her hand and weeps and she murmurs to them to not to worry and tells them "her last words" in a delivery and meaningfulness straight from a dramatic novel
Halek: I think the first time he'd say something so flippant and stupid, like "Holy shit, getting shot is such a pain" -> 😵 (passes out) and if he had the luck of waking up again he'd be like "oh my god those could have been my last words" and he'd take it more seriously the next time and try to think of something more meaningful beforehand lol
#Shepherds of Haven#angst#sort of#it's more silly than anything but there you have it!#all characters#hypothetical scenario#near death#near death experience#dying
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The Sacrificial Maiden Corrupted by Coupling With an Oni - By Umekoppe (8.5/10)
Being raised. It doesn't leave you with much freedom. Our protagonist here is first raised to be a sacrifice. Then she is raised to be a servant. Then she gets groomed into being a wife. Or, more specifically the pairing partner for a demon. The more you think about this one the more disturbing it gets.
Yae is an orphan with nothing who lives in an ancient era where kids like that get abandoned. An old couple takes her in. They don't feed her much. She wears old clothes, but she's happy. Before them she had nobody.
She willingly trudges up a tall mountain to sacrifice herself to a local demon. She believes she owes her adopted grandparents a debt that must be paid. She's barely ten years old. She has been taught to be grateful for old crusts of bread, and a roof over her head.
She mistakes the demon, Kai, for a God. He's so beautiful, and she was expecting an ugly monster. He tells him the truth. He accepts her compliment, and he does not kill her.
He accepts her sacrifice.
Over the period of a decade she becomes his ideal servant. They live like a family, but in the beginning he saw her as a pet. He didn’t expect to be attached. Yae cooks. She cleans. She does the laundry, and Kai gives her kindness. She eats good food and the weather is always clear on the mountain.
She is never allowed to leave.
That is her sacrifice. Her old village will always be safe as long as she serves him.
An intruder comes. He's interesting. Kasai has seen places and people Yae cannot even comprehend. She is jealous of him. She blushes when he kisses her hand. Her life on the mountain is kind, but it does get boring.
Kai knows about the visitor. Heck, he allows it. He just warns Yae to stay on the mountain, but he's jealous. Yae was supposed to be a pet. A servant at most, but being around her makes him happy.
Kasai lies. He says grandpa is dying. Yae goes down to say goodbye. He's in perfect t health. You see, the villagers realized that the demon favors Yae. The village has been abnormally peaceful since her sacrifice. Kasai was sent to lure her down.
Grandpa says he needs money.
He asks Yae to convince the demon to bless the town with wealth.
He never loved her by the way.
He intended to sell her to a brothel.
Kai fetches Yae. He confesses that he has been holding back. He has strong feelings for her, and he wants to make her his pair. If that happens she will no longer be human, and she will belong to him.
Yae is totally broken. Her first crush was a rat sent to catch her. Her grandparents never loved her. Kai is the only living thing that has ever loved her.
She asks him to do it.
She wants him to take her.
(Yes, Kai knew everything all along. He let her run away and get hurt, so she would see have depraved humanity is.)
Yae forgets about the human world, and Kai indulges in his desires. His nice guy act was never going to last forever. Kasai's intrusion was actually very convenient.
#yandere#male yandere#yandere male#yandere boy#recommendations#recs#rec#recommended#monster guy#The Sacrificial Maiden Corrupted by Coupling With an Oni
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Everlark (The Hunger Games, Ch. 23)
katniss hoping the camera doesn't pick up her blush at peeta saying "best thing that ever happened to you." peeta is such a flirt. like he couldn't talk to her for 11 years and you'd think he'd fumble at this stage but nope, the man is on fire
while she's in the sleeping bag she's sharing with peeta, with her head on his shoulders and his arms around her, katniss thinks: oh haymitch probably wants me to keep up the act, i better do something lol
"i noticed just about every girl but none of them made a lasting impression but you" i cannot
when they find out thresh has died, and katniss goes to sleep with her hood over her face to hide her emotions, she says that during this time, she silently says goodbye to thresh and thanks him for her life, she promises to remember him and do something for his and rue's families if she can and i think it's so beautiful that during the victory tour in catching fire, peeta essentially does this with no prompting. he remembers them and pledges to help them on his own accord. and no wonder katniss loves him for it. he is just a wonderful person and he is so in tune with her.
katniss is comforted by peeta's steady warmth
right before katniss says that she's never going to marry or have children because of the games, she thinks of haymitch, living alone, without a wife or children, drunk most of the time, and says she doesn't want to end up like that. so deep down, she wants a family, she wants companionship (for all those people who think she should've been alone at the end of mockingjay)
and then again we have her watching peeta as he sleeps and wondering what he/they will be like when they return home. she admits that she feels like he is actually in love with her and not just pretending.
"he will always be the boy with the bread". - he won't just be a friend because he's the boy with the bread and that is a lot more to katniss. when she thinks of anything beyond friendship with peeta, she feels like gale is watching over her which is very interesting. (would love to hear your thoughts on why because i'm still trying to understand how katniss's mind works). in my head, i feel like she saw gale as her obvious future partner just because of the nature of their relationship but now she's imagining things "beyond" friendship with this other boy peeta and it's conflicting for her. this want of hers for peeta (which turns into a need) that now disrupts what she thinks was a normal necessity in her life.
them and their constant long kisses and absentminded kisses. which katniss doesn't try to stop. like she just accepts them (and i believe participates in them) with no particular thoughts. she just casually mentions they're kissing every few sentences. like girl. i can't believe they gave us extra non-existent gale kisses in the movies but didn't give us the 24/7 smoochathon these two were having in that cave.
the ease with which they touch each other. the way katniss covers his mouth with her hands without thought. the way peeta makes her genuinely laugh while they're stuck in this nightmare
when they're out hunting and she thinks she's lost peeta/he's dead, she's actually completely irrational. her desperation and fear comes out as anger and snappiness but her thought process is irrational. she's so worried about peeta dying that she doesn't stop to think that she would've heard a cannon/seen his body be collected if he was dead by now.
she's so worried by the thought of peeta dying that she is trembling. i really think that after all their days and nights in the cave over the last few chapters, she has developed real love for him. the kind where the thought of him not being with her/in her life would cause her to seriously grieve. not in a oh that was the boy from my district way or oh that was the boy who helped me way or like the other tribute deaths - no, this is peeta and she wouldn't come back from his death.
it's funny that a lot of the time when she's confused about her feelings, it means poor peeta is dealing with her anger. like her throwing a strop and acting like she doesn't want the food he's found or picking at him for eating without her even though she doesn't care. she's so petty.
#everlark#we're nearly at the finish line of the first book#and i really hope you're convinced that it was always going to be an everlark endgame and that they are the central relationship of the boo#the relationship that propels the storylines forward#peeta x katniss#katniss x peeta#katniss and peeta#tgtpto everlark read#the hunger games
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S11 Round 1*
Anchor
they're (non-romantic) best friends and still physically close in a really refreshing way for anyone tired of the "designated heterosexual romance between the two most relevant applicable protagonists" trope.
he sees himself as a tool, and prioritizes his mission over his own recently-acquired life. she locked herself away from the world for half of her life, out of fear of who might be hurt if she didn't. neither would exist today were it not for the compassion of the other - she gave him the power to heal and survive, and he gave her the confidence to break out of her shell.
they're both a little new to being a regular person, and it shows. but they have each other now, which helps with that. his very presence grounds her in the world she feels so lost in, and she advocates for him - even sometimes berates him - whenever his selfless nature gets in his own way. his complete lack of selfishness is foiled by the nuance of her own selfless actions. she wants him to see himself as a person like she does, but she also can't stand the thought of him dying for the sake of others because it would mean losing him. losing her anchor, her closest friend.
True Love's Curse
A spell caused the Cursed to lose his memories of his true love, as well as preventing any attempts to remind him of them. He's spent the last year missing a large chunk of his memories and searching for any way to break the curse, largely failing and getting into various magical mischief along the way.
Meanwhile, the True Love has pledged ten years of service to a dangerous magical being in exchange for the removal of the curse at the end. When the Cursed wanders into the monster's path, the True Love has to choose between his chance to break the curse and stopping the monster from hurting more people.
Encouraged to do the right thing by the Cursed, he chooses to turn against the monster. He's convinced that his time in its service makes him no longer worth the Cursed's love, and he's unable to remind the Cursed of their past together. At the same time, the Cursed falls in love with the True Love, not knowing that it's for the second time. However, he refuses to act on his feelings, as he feels like it would be unfaithful to his forgotten true love, who he continues frantically searching for, unaware that they are right by his side.
*Ship does not have to be romantic.
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The Poppy War Series
“How could she compare the lives lost? One genocide against another—how did they balance on the scale of justice? And who was she, to imagine that she could make that comparison?”
--R.F Kuang, The Poppy War
I have so much to say about The Poppy War series. No amount of words will describe the feeling it left me when I turned the last page and broke a little inside, but I will try, because that's all I can do the lessen the heartbreak of reading this series:
Rebecca Kuang. No words will describe my adoration for her writing abilities. To be able to incorporate such beauty into such a dark tale is impossibly hard, and no words will describe my absolute respect for her. I absolutely loved her truthful portrayal of war, instead of just romanticizing cruelty, and how utterly blunt she was about the horrors that ordinary people faced during times of chaos.
Rin, Nezha, Kitay, Venka, etc etc. They were just children. That's all I can say. They were children that were no longer innocent because adults shoved swords into their hands, and told them to die for a cause. They were so fucking young when the responsibility of millions of lives was forced upon them, and no person should ever have to make a decision that had such impact, especially not some young people. I loved each and every one of them, and I also loathed the decisions they made, but at the end of the day, they were just children born into a fragile world of cruelty and darkness.
Rin
"Dying was easy. Living was so much harder--that was the most important lesson Altan had ever taught her"
--R.F. Kuang, The Burning God
From her choice in choosing to pledge Lore, till the end when she took her own life, I didn't like Rin. I didn't like her decisions, and I didn't respect how she treated her friends, but I did grow so SO attached to her as a character. I hated her for leaving Nezha with a shattered nation, but I also realized how much courage it took for her to take that route. Since she was born, survival mattered the most, always, and the fact that she chose to kill herself, with the interest of her country in mind, deserves so much respect. Yes, you could argue that she realized how hard surviving was, and chose the easy way out, but she was nurtured in a way that forced her to choose survival, to choose life, even if she wasn't truly living. Along with that, she also had Kitay's life bound to hers, so I don't think she made her final decision out of selfishness, but rather a willingness to sacrifice her life so that millions more would keep their own. As long as she was alive, the Hesperians wouldn't leave them alone, so she made her final decision for her country.
Nezha
“He knew exactly what choice she'd made and what she intended. And that made everything- hating her, loving her, surviving her, so much harder.”
--R.F. Kuang, The Burning God
I truly believe that Nezha only acted the way he did because he was fucking terrified of everything happening around him. Yes, he was bred for this, but nothing ever prepared him for the shit that was going to come his way. And when Rin was going to kill herself, his composed mask just faded and he revealed the fear he had in him all along. He was another victim of the fragility of society, and I truly hope that no matter what happened after the third book, he found his peace and order.
Venka
After her reappearance (iykyk), I was so terrified that she would die, or go through something just as traumatic again. AND SHE DID. I was trembling when Rin accused her of being a traitor, and the way she threw herself on top of Rin to save her just broke my heart. I refuse to believe that she sold them out and wrote the letters, because how could anyone be a traitor, and still be willing to sacrifice her life for the person accusing them of such things?? Since the truth will never be uncovered, I will live with the hope that she was innocent all along, because she's been through so much, and her legacy should live on clean and untarnished.
#writing#rant#random#the poppy war#TPW#tpw trilogy#the burning god#the dragon republic#rf kuang#book#book thoughts#book quotes#poems and quotes#quotes#chen kitay#kitay#fang runin#rin#nezha#yin nezha#rfk#sring venka#war#third poppy war#book rant#book review#book theories#book obsession#book recommendations#book reading
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Mine - Chapter 4
Summary: Joel still has trouble showing affection to Y/N and Ellie steps in to give him a pep-talk about what he needs to do in order to make things right. Things become awkward when Y/N goes to see Negan who acts like nothing happened between the two of them.
Characters: Joel Miller (TLOU), Negan (TWD), the reader (OC, third person), Ellie Williams (TLOU), Tommy Miller (TLOU), Maria Miller (TLOU) etc.
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45115177/chapters/114077854
Warnings: Swearing, angst, minor mentions of smut, etc.
Notes: Thank you to those that have given this story a try. I appreciate you reading it. Gif Credits: @magnusedom & @londoncapsule
Life was complicated enough as it was. The last thing Y/N needed right now was the world throwing a wrench into the natural flow of things to shake her world up even more. It seemed like when there was so much going on, the world always had a way of throwing more at you and that’s how Y/N felt. Right now she felt overwhelmed and confused.
Waking up today should have felt incredible. There should have been nothing, but happiness that she was feeling. When she fell asleep last night, she got the one thing she always wanted. To have Joel hold her in his arms. To comfort her and be with her before bed. For over a year it was the one thing she craved the most. It was perfect and it felt amazing. It was the closest feeling to happiness she had in so long. After a few days of not being able to sleep, it finally put her at ease and made her comfortable enough to fall asleep. Then again, it wasn’t hard feeling at ease with the warmth of Joel’s arms wrapped around her. It led her to feel protected by Joel. And it was a dream come true for her.
It was her dreams where things got confusing. There was one thing that repeated in her mind like a goddamn record that was stuck on repeat.
I love you.
And it was Negan that she was picturing. Everything he said last night was perfect. It was what you would want to hear from the person you were in love with, but it was her best friend. Her incredibly affectionate, sweet, supportive, good looking best friend that had always been there from the start.
Gazing over at Joel’s side of the bed, Y/N could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. Joel had found his way back to his corner of the bed during the night. It would have been nice to wake up in his arms too, but maybe it was for the best that she didn’t because even in her sleep she thought about Negan’s kisses. At this point it did feel like a dream. One that her brain conjured up because she had been longing to hear it from someone for so long, but she knew it really happened.
Swallowing down hard, she felt that her throat was dry and she wondered if she should tell Joel what she had done last night in kissing Negan. Multiple times Negan had tried to convince her that it was just because she had gotten emotional over them almost dying together, but she wondered if that was truly the reason. Deep down, she figured that was why Negan told her that he loved her. It was one of those moments where your mortality was in question and it made you do things that you wouldn’t normally do.
Everything that Y/N wanted in Joel, Negan seemed to be. He was affectionate and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He said all the right things and always made her feel seen. Confusion would be an understatement right now because she would be lying if she said she didn’t have some sort of feelings for Negan, but she knew that she was head over heels in love with Joel. Plus, Negan had Morgan so she needed to get that thought out of her mind.
People sometimes got their feelings confused when it came to their best friends, right? She wouldn’t be the first person in the world to gain feelings for their best friend and confused it for something more. It just made her feel bad because all she had been asking of Joel was for him to show her some kind of affection, but it made her think about how Negan had been showing her that for so long. Joel only just started showing her the best that he could after she almost died. After Negan called him out on his actions. But Negan had been showing them all along.
“Shit,” she groaned out, lifting her hands to rub at her face. Stress was starting to get to her and overwhelm her.
There were two men in her life. Two incredible, amazing men that she cared very much about. There was Negan who was the best support system she could have asked for. Showing up at Jackson around the same time as Negan had made them almost immediately closer. When the community was still growing to trust them, they had each other. Negan was one of those people that you could only dream of having in your life. Someone that made your days go by easier. There was no question that she loved being around Negan. His personality and his attitude lifted her up. Joel was someone she was immediately smitten with. There was a connection she felt immediately with him and she knew that she wanted Joel in her life. She knew that from the first moment she met him. Even though he did his best to hide them, she knew there was so much good to Joel and he just needed someone to have faith in him to help him be the best he could be. It was just so hard to let him know that it was okay. That he could be the man that he wanted to be. There was just so much pain and trauma in his past that it made it hard to be with him sometimes, but that didn’t hide the fact that she was completely in love with him.
The sun was starting to rise and she knew that this would be around the time that she would typically get up for work. Yet, there was no work for her to do right now. With her getting hurt yesterday, it meant that she was supposed to lounge around and rest. She was never the resting type, so that was going to be hard. As soon as she got the okay from the doctor that she would be fine to work again, she hoped that Maria and Tommy found a good place to put her.
Getting up slowly, she still felt an incredible ache in her body from what happened the day before. If anything she hurt more today than she did yesterday. Then again, she figured that was because of the adrenaline spike in her body when everything happened. When she stood from the bed, she had to take a moment to gather herself before she started moving again. After getting dressed she went for the stairs and could only picture how terrible she looked moving down them.
“You look like shit,” Ellie’s young voice caught Y/N’s attention when she finally reached the bottom step. Ellie was sitting at the counter eating some cereal for breakfast and Y/N had to stop to gain her energy back.
“I feel like shit,” Y/N informed Ellie with a wince finally getting the strength to head to the kitchen to get herself a mug. Before getting the coffee started for the morning, she made sure to grab the pain medicine they had given her the day before. Quickly swallowing it down, she braced her hands against the counter.
“Do you need help?” Ellie offered but Y/N shook her head. She didn’t want people to pamper her in this moment. She needed to work through it herself. When Y/N started making the coffee, Ellie groaned out and took a big bite of her breakfast. “I don’t know how you and Joel drink that shit. It smells like ass.”
“I’m not sure if I could make it through the day without the caffeine,” she explained to Ellie with a small smirk. Moving around the kitchen, she reached out to curl her arm around Ellie to give her a hug at first. Ellie looked up to give Y/N a strange glance before getting up from her seat to wrap her arms carefully around Y/N.
“I can do a hug,” Ellie responded making Y/N lower her head to rest her chin on top of Ellie’s head while she hugged her. “Is this one of those you are appreciating life more moments because you almost died?”
“I just feel like we need to start showing the people we care about affection while we’re here and I love you kiddo,” she responded with a heavy sigh making Ellie smile before releasing Y/N from the hug to allow her to go get the coffee that was ready.
“I love you too,” Ellie smirked showing that the interaction actually made Ellie happy to hear something like that. Being with Joel had its perks. Ellie was one of those things. It gave her a relationship with a child that she never thought she would have. Especially in a world like this. In a way, Ellie felt like she was her adoptive daughter and she enjoyed getting to spend the time with her. Ellie was definitely one of those things that made being with Joel easier. “Is everything okay?”
“I’m alive, so that’s good, right?” Y/N didn’t want to stress her woes or her pain to Ellie, so she just pushed it aside. “Any pain I’m feeling, that’s what the medication is for, right?”
“I can’t believe you were almost killed yesterday. And it was from an accident of all things,” Ellie stressed with a shake of her head. “All the crazy things to almost die from in this world and you almost get crushed by a fucking turbine. Thank God for Negan, huh?”
“No kidding,” Y/N swallowed down after pouring herself some coffee. Wrapping her fingers around the mug, she allowed the warmth to warm her hands while she thought about Negan and everything that happened the night before. Even though Y/N considered herself best friends with Negan, it was clear that Ellie knew Negan more than Y/N actually did. Which, thinking about it was kind of sad. “Ellie, is Negan good with Morgan?”
“Sure,” Ellie thought about it for a moment and nodded her head about. “Morgan loves the hell out of him. And he makes sure that he’s very involved in her life and makes it known that he loves her. Their relationship is very sweet.”
“Oh,” Y/N felt a lump develop in her throat hearing that. If Negan loved Morgan so much, then why did he say the things that he did to her? Why tell her that he loved her? Wasn’t that unfair to Morgan? And why the hell was Y/N getting jealous hearing that? Y/N had Joel. Being jealous over a relationship that Negan had with someone else should have not been upsetting her as much as it was.
“Why do you ask?” Ellie finished up with her breakfast and pushed her bowl forward and away from her on the counter.
“I’ve just never seen the two of them together. I’ve never even met Morgan, so…” Y/N began making Ellie snicker and her face scrunched up. “What?”
“You’ve never met Morgan and you consider Negan your best friend?” Ellie almost poked fun at her making Y/N shrug her shoulders dramatically. Ellie wasn’t wrong. There were a lot of things that made her feel like a shitty friend with Negan when she thought about it. “That’s strange.”
“I’m busy a lot. I haven’t been in Negan’s home, ever. Last night was the first time that I was,” she declared making Ellie tip her head to the side. “I couldn’t sleep last night and I went over there to thank him. I kept thinking about my life and I knew I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. So I wanted him to know that I was thankful that he saved me.”
“Makes sense,” Ellie acknowledged hearing the sound of a groan when she looked to the stairs to see that Joel was making his way down them. “Good morning old man! I see the dinosaurs wanted to get up later this morning.”
Instead of responding, Joel just gave Ellie a huff and she chuckled to herself. Mornings were usually when Joel was the grumpiest and Ellie loved giving him shit. That was their relationship. Joel took his time making his way to the kitchen to grab his owl mug for himself. Pouring his coffee, Joel took notice that both girls were watching him and he gave them a nod. Joel let out a thankful sound when he took his first sip and it made Y/N smile.
“You’re an angel for making this,” Joel explained enjoying the warmth of the coffee that he eagerly drank down. Joel’s hair was still a mess showing that he was exhausted while he rest back against the counter. With the way that Y/N was staring out at him, he shrugged his shoulders and smirked. “What?”
“Nothing, I just like your hair,” she set her mug down and moved across the kitchen to brush her fingers on her good hand through his hair. Joel’s eyes were hooked on hers with her so close to him. “Do you want to make breakfast together?”
“I should be going in early. Tommy and I are going to have to figure out how to fix the platform and the building,” Joel frowned, his eyebrows furrowing while her fingers slid down from his hair over his jawline. Teasing them through his facial hair over his jawline, he noticed the way her eyes looked over his lips and his gaze went to Ellie who was watching the two of them.
“Making breakfast doesn’t take that long,” Y/N pointed out, her thumb dragging out over Joel’s bottom lip. “How about pancakes?”
“I don’t like pancakes,” Joel grumbled, his face scrunching up when a rumble fell from his throat. Huffing out, he turned on his heel knowing that she didn’t mean to but hearing her say that reminded him of Sarah and his past. Lowering his head, he cupped at the mug full of his coffee and felt her hands sliding in over his sides.
“I forgot, I’m sorry,” she apologized making him feel uncomfortable with how touchy she was being in front of Ellie. Leaning in, she rest her head against his broad back when she wrapped her arms loosely around his waist. “We can do some eggs then, some toast and maybe some freshly squeezed orange juice?”
“I really have to get going,” Joel repeated turning in her arms to face her, putting a bit of distance between them in the way that he turned in her arms. There was no doubt that Y/N was being incredibly clingy today and he just wasn’t used to all of…this. “It was my job before the world fell to shit. Being a contractor. So I’m the only person that would really get this work done quickly. That’s what I’m really good at.”
“The contractor,” Ellie grumbled out in a distorted voice making Y/N chuckle and Joel gazed over at Ellie with a shake of his head showing by the smirk at his lips that he was amused by her antics.
“What was that?” Y/N questioned making Ellie snicker and toss her hands up in amusement.
“It’s a joke between Joel and I,” Ellie nodded her head while Joel sipped down on his coffee. “I’m sure they would be okay if you stayed home with Y/N today. After what happened, I think people would understand. I would stay with her if I could, but I have school. Which you can fuck off for that by the way.”
“You’re still a kid. You need to study,” Joel grumbled making Ellie dramatically roll her eyes.
“In this world, what the hell is going to school going to do for me?” Ellie pushed for answers and Joel stared out at her blankly making her laugh. Instead of giving her an answer, Joel simply grunted and went back to drinking his coffee. “Exactly! It’s not going to help me at all.”
“You just have to,” Joel moved out of Y/N’s grasps and reached for the cereal that Ellie had eaten earlier. Grabbing a bowl, Joel poured some of the cereal in for himself and reached for the milk that Ellie still had out. Lifting it up, he sniffed the milk to make sure that it was still good making Ellie’s face scrunch up. “I just have to check.”
“I guess that’s a no on breakfast?” Y/N rest back against the island at the center of the kitchen making Joel glance back over her before shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe you can just go in and come home early to be with me?”
“You know I can’t do that,” Joel responded making Y/N nod before swallowing down hard. “If you want a warm breakfast today, you should go to the dining hall to grab something when we leave. It makes sense for you to do as little as possible so you can rest.”
“Right,” Y/N’s cheeks flushed over and Ellie immediately picked up on the fact that Y/N’s feelings seemed to be hurt. It made Ellie want to smack Joel for his ignorance, but she stayed quiet.
Joel’s stare fell upon Ellie and he nodded toward the stairs, “Go get ready for school. I’ll walk with you.”
“Got it,” Ellie hopped up from her seat looking between both Joel and Y/N. “Be right back.”
When Ellie was gone, Y/N took a second to think about things before stretching her hands out across the top of the counter. Joel was standing facing away from her while he was eating the cereal he had gotten himself, “Joel, I need to talk to you about something.”
“Yeah?” Joel spoke with a mouthful, turning on his heel to stare out at her. He was holding the bowl in his hands while still chewing. When she was silent, his eyebrows bounced up and he shook his head. “What is it?”
“Are we okay?” she felt uncomfortable that he seemed tense with her again. “We went to bed and things seemed good, but now…”
“Everything is fine,” Joel interrupted her taking a bite, shrugging his shoulders.
“Yeah, but…” she noticed him look down at his bowl while he pushed the spoon around. Thinking back to the night before, she felt her throat go dry thinking about Negan. “There is something I need to tell you. It’s kind of important. It has to deal with Negan…”
“I know. You told him all about our relationship,” Joel commented making her words come to a quick halt. “So I know to expect shit out of his mouth now because he knows it all. You don’t have to worry about that. I told you it was fine.”
“It’s not that,” she felt her face getting warm with him repeatedly cutting her off this morning. She wanted so badly to tell him about kissing Negan, but she could tell that he was already in a closed off, potentially bad mood this morning. What she did with Negan was just making her feel guilty and she felt like she needed to be honest with Joel about things. “It’s just I was talking to Negan and…”
“I don’t care what you told your best friend. I’m not going to lie, I’m really sick of talking about Negan,” Joel informed her with another mouthful. Hearing that surprised her because there seemed to be some anger in his tone when he said it. “I feel like over the last day we’ve talked about Negan more than I care to admit. I don’t hate the guy and I appreciate that he saved your life. I know he’s your best friend, but I don’t want to talk about Negan anymore. Okay? He’s not in our relationship and the less we talk about your interactions with him. The better.”
“I just wish you would listen to me for once this morning,” Y/N begged of Joel hearing the sounds of footsteps returning. Ellie stepped at the entrance of the kitchen to stare between the two of them seeing that there was an upset expression over Y/N’s features.
“Do you need me to come back in a few?” Ellie pointed over her shoulder, clutching to the backpack that she had slung over it. “It looks like you were in the middle of something.”
“No, we’re good,” Joel shoved in the last few bites of his breakfast before setting the bowl down in the sink. Rubbing his hands together, Joel moved around the kitchen and grabbed a few things. “Let’s head out. We need to get you to school.”
Urging Ellie toward the front door, Joel heard Y/N call out to him and he stopped. Y/N bit at her bottom lip when Joel nodded his head about waiting for whatever it was she wanted, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Not that I can think of,” Joel retorted making Ellie roll her eyes and huff before walking off to the front door. Joel checked to make sure that he grabbed everything before pointing toward the door. “I’m going to head out. You should probably just go back to bed and get some rest after you eat, okay? I’ll be back as soon as I can be.”
Swiftly heading to the door, Joel could see that Ellie was already outside and he closed the front door behind him, “Hey! Wait up.”
“You’re an idiot,” Ellie looked over at Joel while she walked to town toward her school.
“Why?” Joel grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets while he walked side by side with her.
“Because she was asking you to kiss her before you left. Maybe give her a hug,” Ellie educated Joel on what Y/N was asking of him before he left. “I know without a doubt you just hurt her feelings so fucking bad. Is it a man thing? Or is it a you thing?”
“That’s not what she was saying. She was just asking me if I forgot something,” Joel stopped walking hearing Ellie let out a defeated sound. Ellie stopped as well, turning to face Joel when his neck tensed.
“You’re not used to women, are you?” Ellie pulled at the straps of her backpack, shaking her head while Joel clearly had issues understanding what she was going off on. “Y/N was trying to be affectionate with you and you’re an idiot. The girl was asking you for a kiss before you left for work.”
“Then why didn’t she just say that?” Joel’s southern drawl rumbled making Ellie drop her head back and groan out. “Wouldn’t she ask me for that if that’s what she wanted?”
“How old are you? Fifty-seven and you still don’t understand how women work?” Ellie reached out to push at the center of Joel’s chest making him grunt. “I’m fifteen and I get it more than you do. You suck at this whole relationship thing.”
“I’ve never been the best at relationships,” Joel threw his hands up in the air making Ellie bob her head dramatically.
“That’s obvious,” she blurt out making Joel grunt something underneath his breath. Joel rest his hands at his hips and Ellie shook her head. “She just wants you to love her man. No woman wants to tell you to kiss them. They want you to want to kiss them. She wants to feel special Joel.”
“God, I’m trying. Last night I told her that she was my girlfriend and I cuddled with her. It was two things that I don’t really do. But I did my best. I’m trying to give her things that she wants, why am I always so wrong and hurting her when I’m trying?” Joel emphasized on his words feeling flustered that he was always seeming to do things wrong. It felt silly saying these things to Ellie. Talking about his love life with her didn’t seem…right. “I shouldn’t even be talking about this with you.”
“You should because maybe you might actually get some good advice that will help you,” Ellie snorted, her young features looking disappointed in Joel. Other children from town were walking to school, but Ellie knew she could get away with being late. “You need to keep making her feel good. You have to kiss her, hug her, tell her that she’s special. You’re gonna lose her man.”
“No, I won’t,” Joel shook his head and folded his arms in front of his chest. “She knows that I’m trying. And she loves me. She tells me all the time.”
“Was what you just did in there trying? Because if that was trying you failed my dude,” Ellie insisted pointing back toward the house. “She wanted you to kiss her when you first came into the kitchen. And nothing.”
“We shouldn’t be making out in front of you,” Joel pointed out making Ellie reach up to drag her hands down her face in a frustrated manner. “What? We shouldn’t be.”
“Kissing her is not making out with her. People kiss Joel and they hug!” Ellie looked down the street seeing that a couple was outside talking before one of them was about to leave. Ellie pointed off in the distance making Joel’s eyes squint looking in the direction. The couple kissed before the man left and Ellie nodded. “See! People kiss and no one bats an eye. You have to start being less of a robot. Kiss her when she wants to be kissed! When she wants to make breakfast with you, make it with her. She suggests making pancakes with you and it looked like you would rather die than be anywhere near her.”
“Pancakes just remind me of Sarah,” Joel frowned feeling his chest aching at the thought of it. “It upset me.”
“And how is she supposed to know that unless you tell her?” Ellie inquired making Joel sigh loudly and lower his gaze down toward the ground. “You punished her for that. If I didn’t know you and the way you tick, the way you just acted around her, I would have sworn you hate her.”
“I don’t hate her!” Joel defended himself, placing his hand over the center of his chest and Ellie tossed her hands up.
“I know!” Ellie responded with a huff, her eyebrows furrowing and she rolled her eyes. “That’s my point. You hurt her feelings. She was absolutely crushed. You don’t act like a boyfriend Joel. You don’t act like someone who is in love with her. She just seems like an annoyance to you.”
“That’s not how I mean to do things,” Joel admitted, something catching his eyes when he could see that they weren’t far from Negan’s home. His attention was pulled when he noticed that Negan was limping home.
Ellie was still talking and his attention was elsewhere. With a growl, Joel flinched back when Ellie clapped in his face, “Earth to Joel! Where did you go just now?”
“Sorry! I was just looking at Negan. He should be resting and he’s walking all about town,” Negan took notice of the way that Negan moved. With his sling on and the limp that he had, it seemed like Negan had been hit by a truck.
“Just because he’s hurt doesn’t mean that life stops for him Joel. He has to take care of Morgan,” Ellie stated with a roll of her eyes making Joel shake his head in disgust.
“Why does Morgan need an injured Negan to take care of her? The hell is wrong with this girl?” Joel snapped making Ellie bob her head about clearly flustered with Joel and what he was saying.
“What the hell are you on about? How is Morgan supposed to take care of herself?” Ellie was completely shook with what Joel just said and she rolled her eyes. “Listen, I don’t know what crawled up your ass today but you need to fix things with Y/N. The woman almost died yesterday and you are leaving her alone to herself.”
“Well what am I supposed to do?” Joel asked making Ellie start to pace showing that she had enough with Joel right now.
“If I were you? I would march my ass right back to that house. I would grab her, I would kiss her and I would tell her that she’s perfect. That you care so much about her and you are so fucking thankful that she is still in this damn world,” Ellie was loud and it made the mother that was walking with her child let out an offended breath and Joel’s cheeks flushed over with red.
“Sorry ma’am,” Joel reached out to pull Ellie in closer to him. “That mouth is going to get us in trouble.”
“Regardless Joel, be a man,” Ellie scoffed pulling away from Joel before looking over her shoulder at the school. “I have to go, but please…for the love of God do what I asked of you. You have something good there. She loves you. She loves us. She knows about what happened to me and she has stayed quiet. We’re a family Joel. Don’t ruin it.”
“Ellie…” Joel frowned feeling Ellie move in to wrap her arms around Joel’s waist tightly. Pausing, he lowered down and wrapped her up in his arms to hug her firmly. “Have a good day at school kiddo.”
“Listen to me old man,” Ellie smacked Joel’s shoulder before running off toward school.
Looking over his shoulder, Joel headed back toward home. Walking across the street, he went to pick up Tommy so they could go to work, but he couldn’t help but think about what Ellie had said to him. With a huff, he stayed standing outside and tipped his head from side to side. He was debating which he needed to do more. Listen to Ellie or continue on with life and do what he would normally do.
“Come on Joel,” he tried to coach himself before looking back at Tommy’s house one more time. He had to make a decision and he was so damn conflicted.
“You forget where I live or something old man?” Tommy’s voice called out making Joel look back over his shoulder at his younger brother while he stood in front of Tommy’s house. “Are you getting that fucking old?”
“Haha, so damn funny,” Joel growled when Tommy moved in beside him and bumped him with his shoulder. Joel felt a lump developing in his throat when he gazed to his home again.
“How’s the lady?” Tommy saw Joel’s brow line crease and he nodded.
“She’s sore. Moving slower today,” Joel recalled what he had seen reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “I think the excitement from everything died down and she’s really feeling the effects of the fall that happened afterwards.”
“You sure you want to go to work today?” Tommy spoke up smacking his older brother in the center of the chest with the back of his hand. “I think today we will mainly just be doing cleanup and fixing the turbine. We need to get that sucker in there. It’s crazy how little damage that thing took, but how easily it ripped through the platform.”
“Yeah, of course,” Joel swallowed down feeling Tommy pat him between the shoulders when he nodded his head. Joel watched Tommy run off to the front door to call Maria to say goodbye and give her a quick kiss goodbye. It made Joel think about what Ellie had said. She was right. Y/N wanted to be kissed goodbye. That’s what normal couples did. Joel just knew that he wasn’t…normal. He warned her of that from the start, but he knew that she just wanted to feel some sort of normal with their relationship. Rubbing at the back of his neck, Joel ultimately decided to stay and wait for Tommy instead of doing what Ellie said.
On their way to the powerplant, Tommy was heavily focused on what happened the day before. Talking about how bad he felt about things happening. How it was his fault. Negan and Y/N were heavy topics of discussion for him, but Joel was quiet and kind of locked inside of himself, “I’m surprised that Negan and Y/N aren’t furious with me. They almost died and they didn’t take it out on me.”
“Tommy, am I a bad…” Joel stopped walking, turning to his younger brother who seemed surprised that Joel stopped so abruptly. Joel was having a hard time thinking things out when he threw his hands about. “A bad partner?”
“A bad partner?” Tommy wasn’t sure where his brother was going with that subject.
“A significant other to Y/N,” Joel explained further making Tommy’s dark eyes narrow and Joel watched his brother immediately look away from him. “I am, aren’t I?”
“I don’t know Joel, it’s none of my business,” Tommy rambled making Joel huff loudly. “I don’t know what you want me to say Joel.”
“I want you to be honest with me,” Joel thought about Ellie’s words and they were really weighing heavy on him. He was regretting not doing what Ellie told him to. “I’m not good to her, am I?”
“You’re not bad to her,” Tommy responded with a shrug, shaking his head. “I just think, you could be better. I think you’re…cold. And that’s not exactly your fault, but the only person that I’ve seen you show extensive amounts of love to is me and the kid. Most of the town knows the two of you are together, but then they question it because you’re such…”
“An asshole?” Joel filled in the blanks hearing his little brother huff.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Tommy stammered feeling visibly uncomfortable. “I just think you are with someone who gives so much love to you. I’ve never seen someone try so hard to make someone happy. The gal loves you, Joel. It’s rare we find someone in this life that wants us happy. In this world, we’re lucky to be with anyone, you know. Big brother, I just…it’s just who you are. Sometimes you’re hard, but the girl is willing to put in the effort for you. I reckon that says that you are doing something right.”
Letting out an overwhelmed rumble, Joel bounced on his feet for a minute before starting to take slow steps backward, “Tommy, I have to come in later today. There are things I have to do and I just…I need some time. Okay?”
“Of course. Take your time,” Tommy assured Joel with a nod seeing Joel head back in the other direction, moving swiftly back toward the homes. “Don’t overdo it big brother. You’re fucking old.”
Ignoring his brother’s mocks, Joel rushed home and when he got there, he ran up the stairs to the door. Bursting through the door, he could feel his heart hammering inside of his chest when he searched the first floor.
“Y/N?” Joel called out hearing the sound of movement when she walked into the kitchen. Advancing forward, Joel curled his fingers around the back of her neck and brought her to him bringing her in to kiss him. Grasping her face in his rough hands, he caressed over the sides of her face with his thumbs feeling her hum against his lips. “I’m so sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry.”
“Joel,” she gasped, digging her fingers into his hair when he hooked his arms underneath her thighs to pick her up to pull her in against him. Her other arm wrapped around his shoulders so she didn’t fall when he headed toward the stairs to carry her up them.
Carrying her to the bedroom, Joel carefully laid her at the center of the bed before crawling in over her and kissed her with all the passion he could muster up. The soft sweeping of his tongue against hers drew her fingers to hook harder into his hair making her purr out into his mouth.
“You are so perfect and I care about you so much,” Joel slurred against her mouth, his hands reaching down to work open her pants making her gasp when she looked down between the two of them. “I’m so happy that nothing happened to you. I would have been lost if I woke up this morning knowing that you were no longer here.”
“Joel,” she whimpered, her hand dragging down over the side of his face while his dark eyes gazed into hers. Joel worked to get her pants down before helping her carefully get her shirt from her body. It took her breath away when she watched him pull his clothing off in a haste before laying in over her. Laying himself between her thighs, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck when he allowed the skin-to-skin contact between the two of them.
“I promise, I’m going to try to do better,” Joel whispered, peppering faint kisses against her lips before pushing his hips forward making her gasp when he entered her. Unlike the other night, this time he was taking his time to actually make love to her. Keeping his eyes locked on hers made his heart hammer inside of his chest while he took his time rolling his hips against hers time and time again. “I swear.”
Joel felt her hand palming in over the side of his face and he turned his head toward her palm to kiss over the center of it before lowering back down to kiss her again, “You are so beautiful.”
“I love you,” she whispered making Joel swallow down hard. That wasn’t something he was ready to say to her in return, but he was hoping that sometime soon he would be able to say it himself. With a weak smile, he lowered down and met her lips in a lingering kiss.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Joel breathed against her lips still wanting to take that time to focus on her to make her feel special like Ellie told him to do. “I never want to lose you. Now that you’re in my life, I never want to let you go.”
----
“Goddamn it,” there was another knock at the door and Negan let out a rumble of a groan. He was laid out on the couch, a pillow over his head in attempts to block out the light that was helping to aid in giving him a headache. All morning and afternoon people had been showing up at his house with gifts after they heard what he had done. Asking Maria to not make him a hero in the town had become unsuccessful and while he appreciated the gestures, he didn’t like being viewed as something that he didn’t feel like he was. Being the town hero was not on the list of things he thought he deserved and he hoped that by staying silent the person at his door would just go away. When the knocks continued, he huffed out loudly and stayed where he was. “The door is unlocked!”
Hearing the door push open, he didn’t even bother to move on the couch or pull the pillow from his head when he heard the person enter and close the door behind them, “If you’re leaving a gift, just put it on the kitchen table with the others. If you’re coming to steal from the house, just leave the toys. If you’re coming here to kill me, please just make it fucking fast.”
There was a silence that followed making him swallow down hard. With a jump, he felt someone stroking at the back of his good hand making him lift his head up. The pillow fell from his face and he saw that it was Y/N sitting on the ground beside the couch. A weak smile tugged at his lips when he sighed and allowed their fingers too hook when he realized it was her.
“You’re getting that many gifts, huh?” she found amusement in the way that he had responded thinking she was someone else from the town bringing him something. “You get anything good?”
“Well, I’ve gotten two pies. One pumpkin and one cherry,” Negan informed her with a bounce of his eyebrows, nodding toward the kitchen. “The two nice ladies that work at the dining hall brought them here for me. One of them either brought me tea or weed to help me. I haven’t quite made out what it is yet. When she handed me a bag of leaves, I was in too much pain to even know.”
“What?” she snorted making Negan laugh, but he immediately regretted it when the severe ache in his abdomen from his broken ribs returned.
“Yeah, so there is that. All the guys that have visited have brought me some kind of alcohol,” Negan informed her with a long rumble of a sigh, stretching out his long body on the couch that he was laying on. “With all the alcohol, I’m thinking I can save them and make some decent trades around town. Who knew people would be so willing to hand over valuable things just because I saved your life.”
“Well you’re the town hero,” she teased him, caressing her fingertips over the back of the hand that she was holding. “Maybe you deserve it.”
“I told all of them no, but they didn’t listen to me,” Negan responded with a shake of his head. “I mean the pies I’ll eat, but I’m on a shit load of pain pills right now and that doesn’t go well with alcohol. I’d have to be really desperate to mix the two.”
Leaning forward, Y/N rest her head against Negan’s side and she sighed. Negan took notice of the way she found comfort with him and he grumbled to himself, “What about you? What have you gotten?”
“Nothing,” she was honest with him, her eyes lifting to his making him let out an offended breath. “Tommy and Maria have checked on me, but other than that…”
“You’re joking,” Negan hissed, his eyes rolling when he heard that people weren’t showing her the same kind of attention they were him. “You think the world changes and it ends up being the same way it was before all of this happened.”
“You deserve the attention more than me Negan. You risked your life to save mine,” she reminded him and Negan shook his head.
“But you need to know that people still appreciate that you’re here. That they are happy you are still around,” Negan insisted and she felt her chest ache when she thought about it like that.
“I’m not sure people like me all that much. Just you,” she pointed out making Negan let out an upset breath. “Maybe they are just scared to come see me because they are afraid of Joel. Regardless, I kind of just disappear into the background. My social life is pretty much you, Tommy, Maria, Ellie and Joel.”
“I hate people,” Negan asserted, laying his head back down again while his fingers squeezed tightly to hers.
“Are you only on the couch because you can’t make it up the stairs?” she changed the subject knowing that she had been worried about him.
“I can make it up the stairs, I’m just too lazy to,” Negan joked with a tiny laugh feeling her fingers grasping tighter to his. “Tonight I’ll probably make it up there. Most likely. I need to get a shower in.”
“You can call the two nice ladies back from the dining hall to help you with a sponge bath,” she teased him making Negan let out a rumble of a laugh. “I’m sure they would enjoy that.”
“I think they would have a heart attack once they saw me naked. You have to understand, that’s only for the eyes of the strong. When you see something as beautiful and big…” Negan started to ramble making her groan out before blowing a raspberry at his abdomen. It made him snicker, but wince at the same time because of his injury. “I’m just saying. They won’t expect it to be as big as it is and…”
“God, how are my two favorite men in this world so very much alike, but also so very much different?” she stammered making Negan’s smile fade and he wiggled her hand in his before lifting it up to deposit a kiss over the back of her hand. “You’re a dork.”
“I’m a lot of things,” Negan agreed with her, adjusting the pillow that he had over his head originally and putting it underneath it. Closing his eyes, his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he yawned. “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“My mind hasn’t let me do that a lot lately,” she declared with a simple shake of her head. “I’ve been thinking about you, a lot.”
“Oh yeah?” Negan turned his head to the side and stared out at her with a smile. “What about?”
Truthfully? That kiss and I love you. But that’s not what she was going to talk about.
“Tell me about you Negan. I think it’s time you told me why you hate yourself so damn much,” she frowned making Negan’s eyes narrow and a muscle in his jaw flexed. “You don’t want to be considered a hero. You don’t think you deserve good things in life. Why?”
“You won’t want to be around me anymore if you knew,” Negan assured her, his facial expression very serious when she shook her head. “I’m serious Y/N.”
“I don’t care about your past Negan. All I care about is who you are now,” she promised him, giving his hand a supportive squeeze. “So tell me.”
“There’s not much to say. I was a bum before this shitty world happened. I was married to my high school sweetheart. I started my life off as a jock. I was really good with sports. I was really good at what I did. Then in college I got injured and I gave up. I became a high school gym teacher and I was a dickhead with a short fuse. I got into a fight with a guy one time at a bar after he called my wife a few choice names so I beat the ever-living shit out of him. It got me arrested, it made me lose my job and I got depressed. I hated the man I became and I cheated on my wife,” Negan was honest with her making her nod her head while he sold himself completely as a worthless piece of shit. “My wife at the time found out she had cancer and I stopped. I changed my life around only for this apocalyptic hell hole to start and I took care of her. It didn’t matter though because no matter what I did I couldn’t save her. She killed herself because she didn’t want the cancer to kill her. She wanted to be in control of her own life. She did it while I was gone because she knew that I wouldn’t be able to deal with it.”
“Shit,” she watched Negan pull himself up a bit so he could sit while she continued to hold onto his hand. “Then I became an even bigger, shittier miserable asshole. I hopped from group to group where people kept dying until I found one that needed a leader and I made myself their leader. I became a huge piece of shit. I hurt people. Just for the hell of it. I took their supplies. I did awful things.”
“We all do questionable things in order to survive,” Y/N suggested making Negan’s eyes tear over and he shook his head slowly. “You’re more like Joel than you think.”
“I doubt it,” Negan half laughed, lifting his head enough to show the scar that was barely visible over his neck, but it was still there. “A guy I was fighting with at the time cut my throat because of what I had done. I lived and they put me in a jail cell in someone’s basement for about seven years. When I finally left, I met another woman that saved me. We got close and she ended up pregnant with my baby. And uhm…well, she died when trying to give birth to our child.”
“Negan…” she felt her heart drop seeing the way that his hazel eyes teared over while he spoke about his past. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”
“Tell you what Y/N? That I lost people?” Negan questioned and shook his head. “We all lost people. Joel lost his daughter. You lost your family. It doesn’t make my sob story any worse than anyone else’s. I was an asshole at the beginning of this shit storm and I feel like the world was paying me back for the things that I had done.”
“And your baby?” she saw Negan’s bottom lip tremoring while he laid stretched out before her, his eyebrows furrowing when the sound of another knock was heard on the door.
“No one’s home,” Negan called out only to hear the door being pushed open and he groaned out. Popping their head inside, Negan saw that it was Maria and grumbled to himself as she entered his home and closed the door behind her. “Speak of the devil.”
“Oh yeah, that’s me,” Maria looked between the two of them with a container of something in her hands. ‘I wanted to come in and check on you Negan.”
“I’m surviving,” Negan answered seeing the way that Maria looked down to his hand that was holding onto Y/N’s while they sat and were talking together. Trying to push back his emotions, he knew that Maria saw he was emotional and he shrugged. “I’m horrible with pain. I cry like a baby when I’m in pain.”
“I see,” she hummed, her eyes narrowing while she looked them over. Y/N picked up on the fact that she was staring, but she didn’t pull her hand away which surprised Negan. This was the wife of Joel’s brother, but she seemed confident that it was okay to be holding Negan’s hand. “I’m glad you both are here. I grabbed some homemade soup from the dining hall. I thought you might want some. It’s nice and warm. It should help with getting you to relax and that way you don’t have to make yourself food.”
“I’m not gonna lie to you Maria, my ribs hurt too much to even swallow,” Negan informed Maria with a grumble making her shrug. “You know, I asked you not to tell everyone that I was a hero. Yet today I’m getting gifts galore.”
“Most people don’t complain when they receive things for free,” Maria reminded Negan stepping further into the house to look at the table where she found the things that he was given. “Plus, I didn’t tell anyone. Word travels fast you know. In a town of a little over three hundred people, people hear things.”
With a grunt, Negan watched Maria disappear into his kitchen and he sighed, turning his head to Y/N, “The people in this town have no problem walking into your house and walking around. I know it’s a different world, but it still takes some time getting used to.”
“That’s because we trust everyone here,” Maria called out from the kitchen from where she obviously heard Negan. It made Y/N smile and tip her head down. After a minute, Maria stepped out into the living room and sighed. “Which do you like better? Pumpkin or cherry?”
“I don’t care. Pie is pie,” Negan answered watching Maria disappear into his kitchen. The sound of dishes being set up were heard before Maria came out into the living room with them.
“Let’s get him up,” Maria suggested making Negan groan and pull his hand up to make them wait. “You’re on a lot of pain medication and you need to eat.”
“Yes ma’am, but I’m going to feel like an asshole if I make the two of you pick me up,” Negan insisted, carefully pulling himself up into a seated position on the couch. It took him time before he was able to stand up to his feet. Both Y/N and Maria still helped him toward the kitchen and Maria held a chair out for him at the table where she had already cut a piece of pie for the both of them and gotten soup out for them. “Thank you, Maria.”
“You got it,” Maria moved around Negan to squeeze at his shoulders in a soft grab. “I’ll stop by every so often to check to see if you need something.”
“You’re not going to eat with us? I have enough pie,” Negan pointed toward the table, letting out a huff when he noticed that Maria cleaned up the gifts he had been given so that they were tidy and in order. “At least have a piece of pie with us.”
“I have to get back to the baby,” Maria explained with a loud sigh looking between the two of them. “But I’ll take a raincheck on the pie. I promise we’ll do something else.”
Maria moved around the table and reached her arms out to give Y/N a hug, “It was good to see you, Maria.”
“I’m glad to see you up and moving around,” Maria gave Y/N a big smile before heading back toward the door. “I’ll see both of you later.”
Hearing the sound of the door closing, Negan watched Y/N slowly take a seat at the side of the table where Maria had set up a spot for her, “You know, if she knew about my past, she wouldn’t want me here. She thinks I’m a good man. You’re the only one here that knows I’m not.”
“I think you’re still a good man,” Y/N stretched out her hand, placing it in over Negan’s left that was braced over the table. Stroking her fingers over the back of it, she shook her head and sighed. “You acknowledge you’re wrong and you have tried to change. I see good in you.”
Negan simply nodded and swallowed down hard. It was obvious he was still emotional from what they were talking about before Maria showed up and she sighed, “I have to be honest with you about something.”
“Yeah?” Negan cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.
“You’re a better cook and baker than ninety percent of the people here,” Y/N informed Negan with a weak smirk making Negan laugh before nodding his head. “I have tasted your food and I’ve tasted theirs. I can say that no one is quite like you.”
“I had a lot of time to learn to cook,” Negan knew that he had brought her a lot of things he had made from home to work on the days that they shared lunch together. “I guess this is where it’s my time to be honest with you. I am right-handed and I’m going to look ridiculous trying to eat with my left. So please don’t make fun of me.”
“I would never,” she assured him with a smirk watching him attempt to eat his soup with his left hand. “You’re not used to being helpless, are you?”
“I hate it,” Negan grumbled after swallowing down a spoonful of his soup. “The doctor told me that I need to wear the sling for a few days, but I’m not allowed to use the arm for two weeks and that my injury might take twelve to sixteen weeks for it to heal completely since I’m older. As far as my ribs, the doc said that should heal on its own in about six weeks, but I’m not allowed to be super active. I’m not a very lazy person.”
“I’m sure Maria will be able to find things for you to do while you are on break,” Y/N was eating her soup with Negan and for the most part they were quiet. She was wondering if Negan would ever bring up the kisses from the night before. At this point he wasn’t even acting like it happened. Maybe that was a good thing, especially after how Joel had been acting this morning. “I think me almost dying made Joel…change.”
“Good, it’s about time that he did,” Negan grumbled taking another bite of the soup that Maria had brought them. “I hope he sticks with it now. You’re a fucking unicorn. One in a million and he needs to treat you as such.”
“That is so weird that you called me that,” she snickered making his eyebrows bounce up when he gazed out at her. “I was obsessed with unicorns when I was a child. I no shit had this onesie that I used to run around in when I was a kid that was a unicorn. It was white with like pink and purple hooves.”
“Now I’m picturing you in that outfit right now,” Negan joked, his nose wrinkling in amusement and he shrugged his shoulders. “I think you’d make the cutest little unicorn.”
“Now you’re making fun of me,” she felt her cheeks flushing overhearing his deep rumble of laughter when she rolled her eyes and went back to eating. “I thought they were real Negan. I was deep in it. When school asked me to do a project on my favorite animal when I was a kid, I did the unicorn. Imagine how disappointed I was when they broke it to me that they weren’t real.”
“Well fuck them for taking away a child’s imagination,” Negan grumbled finishing up his soup before reaching for the pie that he was given. “Unicorns still exist. I would know because you’re one of them.”
“Stop,” she chuckled pushing at the soup that she still had left in her bowl.
“Hey, I wasn’t even a child and I wore a grumpy bear onesie for a while. My first wife got it for me as a joke and to be honest with ya, it was so comfortable I would wear it around sometimes,” Negan informed her enjoying the smile that he got out of her when he told her that. “We should find your boyfriend one. It would suit him very well.”
“You are going to get punched if you keep it up with that whole Mr. Grumpy Pants thing,” she warned him making Negan chuckle and bob his head about. “I swear, he can only take so much because he is…well, he’s…”
“Grumpy,” Negan finished hearing her laugh out before covering her mouth. “You love him, but he is grumpy as shit. We both know it.”
“He is a little grumpy,” she agreed with Negan seeing him wink before taking a bite of the pie that was on his plate. His nose wrinkled when he swallowed down the bite and sighed. “Yeah, maybe they should let me help make the food here because these ladies aren’t...great with their pies.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” Y/N ate the rest of her lunch and when Negan got up to put away the plates that he could carry with his left, she heard him yelp out when he reached the sink and it made her jump up. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I stepped on a goddamn Lego. I hate those fucking things,” Negan looked down and huffed out making her laugh at his answer. “That shit ain’t funny Y/N. I would rather break my ribs and dislocate my shoulder than step on these fucking things. They hurt.”
“You’re ridiculous,” she got up from the table and moved around the counter to see the Lego that was on the floor that he had stepped on with his bare feet. Reaching down, she picked it up and set it on the counter. Her eyes fell to the Lego set that was there noticing that it was a Star Wars themed toy. Reaching for it, she picked it up and held it out to him. “You a big Star Wars fan?”
“Oh, we’re huge Star Wars fans in this house,” Negan explained with a wink before going back to do his best with the dishes that he had with his one hand. “Be careful with that. My ass will get kicked if that gets broken. We worked on that sucker forever. I traded well for that one.”
“Leather jacket wearing, video gamer that likes comics and Star Wars. Gets along well with kids and is a former schoolteacher,” Y/N repeated everything she had learned about Negan recently. “I’ve learned more about you in the last week than I have in my whole time knowing you. How is that Negan? You talk a ton.”
“Ah yes, but I don’t talk about myself and shit,” Negan waved his hand about when he turned and leaned back against the counter. It made her feel bad seeing Negan like he was with the sling on his arm and in pain. His face looked sore and he looked absolutely exhausted. “I’m better to talk to anyways. Plus, you may be a little self-absorbed.”
“What?” she blurt out hearing the wicked laugh that followed. “Am I?”
“Sometimes, but aren’t we all? I was so fucking arrogant for most of my life. I think I just got sick of it. So don’t think I’m judging you because anything you are, I was so much worse in my past,” Negan placed his good hand to his chest and he could see that she was embarrassed. “Hey, don’t let it bother you. Everything is fine.”
“I should know you better than I do,” she explained making Negan shrug and reach up to brush his fingers through his messy hair. “I just know that I like the person that you are. You’re my best friend and I need to start getting to know you better.”
“Yes ma’am,” Negan smirked, his hazel eyes having the light from his window reflecting in them. “We’re working on it.”
“Have you iced your ribs yet today?” she mentioned making Negan smirk before shaking his head. “Well, then let’s get you some ice on those ribs.”
“Yes ma’am,” Negan repeated knowing that she had seen the old-fashioned ice pack they had given him. Watching her fill it, Negan cleared his throat and shook his head. “You don’t have to take care of me you know.”
“I know,” she muttered, reaching to help him walk back into the living room. Helping him lay down, she placed the ice pack in place and heard him gasp. It made her smirk when Negan’s long eyelashes fluttered up at her. Brushing her fingers through his dark hair, she shrugged and looked to the door. “I should let you get some rest. Is there anything you need me to do for you before I leave?”
“Can you get rid of a headache?” Negan quipped making her nod. “I was kidding.”
“You have a washcloth around here?” she saw Negan’s eyes narrow and he nodded pointing toward the hallway.
“Linen closet in the bathroom. First door on the right,” Negan answered, closing his eyes while he laid down and waited. Hearing her footsteps, Negan smirked until he gasped when he felt a damp warmth covering his eyes and forehead. Y/N had obviously gotten a washcloth wet with warm water for him and it made him snort. “What the hell?”
“It helps,” she reached out to squeeze her hand in over his. “Get some rest. I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow morning.”
“I’ll be a good boy, I promise,” Negan gave her hand a final squeeze before feeling her pulling away. Listening to the sound of her footsteps leaving, he sighed and got more comfortable. After a few minutes he could hear someone at his door again. This time they didn’t knock and he heard the door being pushed open. “I really need to sleep so…”
Tensing up, Negan felt someone moving in beside him and with the washcloth over his eyes he couldn’t see who was touching him. Flinching, he felt the soft, tender sweep of fingers over his jawline, “Relax…”
With a shuddering breath, Negan heard Y/N’s voice surround him and he felt his body calming down knowing that it was her. His lips parted when he felt the pad of her thumb stroking over his bottom lip. He didn’t move so the cloth remained over his eyes and he felt the warmth of her lips hovering over his. With ease, her lips covered his surprising him. The kiss lingered and he knew that he shouldn’t have, but he kissed her back. Each caress of her lips over his felt enhanced without the sense of sight for him. Their breathing got louder when the kiss grew in strength. A growl fell deep within his throat when her tongue flicked at the inside of his bottom lip drawing out sensations from him that he hadn’t experienced in a very long time.
Brushing his tongue against hers, Negan felt her suck faintly at his tongue making him hum in response. With one final kiss, Negan felt her pull away just slightly. Her lips were lingering over his making him take in a sharp breath.
“You’re dreaming,” she whispered the same thing he did the night before. Another faint kiss was pressed over his lips making a muscle in the corner of his jaw flex. “When you wake up, you’ll realize this wasn’t real.”
With a nod, Negan felt his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when her fingertips traced over the side of his face and through his short beard, “Just know Negan, if things were different, I would have no problem falling in love with you. You’re an incredible man.”
Negan’s lips parted and he felt like he wanted to say something, but he knew he shouldn’t when he heard a loud exhale fall from her lips, “That’s the last dream kiss. I promise. Enjoy your rest Negan.”
Not saying anything, Negan heard her get up and he stayed still. When she left and he heard the door close behind her, he let out an exaggerated sound. Reaching up with his good hand, he pulled the cloth from over his eyes and set it on his chest. Dragging his thumb out over his bottom lip, he felt his heart skip a beat knowing that he still tasted her against his lips.
“Shit,” Negan huffed knowing that he had avoided last night as much as he possibly could, but now having her kiss him like this a second time made him feel things he knew he shouldn’t. And her kissing him again, it sure as hell wasn’t helping.
----
Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @insertneganhere @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @nt-multi-fandom @tone-stark @chloepricerk800 @thesapphirequeen @wonwoosthetic
#Pedro Pascal#Joel Miller#Negan#Jeffrey Dean Morgan#The Walking Dead#The Last of Us#Joel Miller x reader#Negan x reader#twd fanfiction#tlou fanfiction#Joel Miller fanfiction#Negan fanfiction
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hiya, i've been reading a lot of bella stuff cause im currently obssesed with him, i was wondering if you could write a bella x fem! reader where they're both actors and reader just had a movie come out (i would love if it's a horror) so she's having a lot of interviews and she gets asked what movie fascinated her recently and she says requiem (watch it if you haven't it's so good) and she says she knows bella has tlou coming out rn and wants to look into it cause she really liked them in requiem and thinks she's an amazing actor and let's it slip that she thinks he's also really pretty and bella hears cause fans tag them in it, but little do we know bella has had a bit of a crush on reader for some time now and then they finally meet at an award show or something and really hit it off if you know what i mean. i will leave the rest up to you! also sorry this is so long 😭
The Interview
Part 1
I'm so sorry, this has taken me so long to reply to, I've been really busy with Uni work and haven't had time to write.
Summary: You let slip that you find Bella attractive in an interview
Request anything to do with Bella and I'll try my best.
Pairing: Bella Ramsey x fem! reader
Word count: 891
You had spent the last couple of weeks promoting your new movie, it was a horror movie centring around a solo female protagonist who is hunted for sport. You had spent 6 months running in the woods covered in blood, so sitting in a hotel room answering questions from every magazine and website was a walk in the park but you couldn’t help the boredom set in around the second day when all you were being asked was how you felt acting with your male counterpart and if you were nervous to kiss him. Not being new to the industry you were used to these types of questions and they never bothered you before but today, it was just getting on your nerves. It maybe because you had spent most of the night before watching The Last of Us and edits of Bella Ramsey which then lead you to find out they were in a short film that was coming out in a couple of days. It sparked your interest and you couldn’t help but count down the days until it was going to be released.
“You have mentioned before your love of indie movies, is there any that have sparked your interest?” The interviewer asked which knock you out of your thoughts.
“Funny you should ask that, last night I came across a short film that looks really good. It’s called Requiem. It’s got Balla Ramsey in it and from them being incredible in The Last of Us it will no doubt be amazing” you say with a smile on your face, finally a question that isn’t the same.
“I’ve loved watching The Last of Us, can we just have a minute to appreciate Pedro Pascal,” The interviewer said with a laugh. “My for you page on TikTok has been flooded with videos of him”
“Mine has been flooded with edits of Bella, It’s like every video” you chuckled. The interviewer responded with a raised eyebrow. Throughout your career, you have kept your private life very secret but it meant that your fans have speculated about your sexuality. For some reason, recently a blind item had come out that was rumoured to be about you and a secret girlfriend but you are single and all the blind item has done is added fuel to the fire of rumours.
“Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie.” You ended up ranting and the interviewer was just nodding along, but you couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach. You knew for a fact that the interviewer was going to use what you’ve said about Bella and add more fuel to the fire of speculation about your sexuality.
A couple of days later.
Bella has just posted a picture on Instagram of some behind-the-scenes pictures from The Last of Us. It had only been up for a couple of minutes when their phone was blown up with notifications, they knew where this was going. It would be filled with a bunch of hate comments about her and as much as he didn’t want to, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at them even though it hurts him. Only to be surprised, there were a lot of hate comments but most of them followed along the lines of:
users1:BELLA HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N’S NEW INTERVIEW?!?!?!?!?
He knew your work very well, having watched most of the movies and TV shows you had been in. He wouldn’t say he had a crush but it was a point for his friends to tease him about. It was even something Pedro teased him about, you had a new movie released in 2021 in the middle of filming The Last of Us and for a soiled week or two, it was all he talked about.
Pulling up YouTube to watch the interview as curiosity got the better of him. When they saw the interview in question it was clicked on immediately. For the second time in 5 minutes they were shocked, the clip from the interview was you saying “Can I just say? I’ve been a fan of The Last of Us for years and when the show was announced I was a little worried as I didn’t want the adaptation to be bad but I have not been disappointed, the only thing that the show hasn’t got right is Joel not dying as much than when I play the game. Also, the comments of other fans have made about Bella are so disgusting, I think they need to get their eyes checked because you have to be blind to think Bella is anything other than attractive or not the perfect Ellie”
Blush crept up on his cheeks and he didn’t realise he was smiling.
“Well, what do I do now?” he said out loud.
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Dude, I was gutted by the scripts when they came out, but now?
It would have been fun (and by fun I mean Jesse's tragic definition of fun) to see Roman and Tabitha try and fail to have normal patriarchal sex, Roman supposedly being on a high for managing it and instead of pursuing the possibility of a fully acceptable daddy-approved relationship, immediately running to Gerri to tell her that he was a real man now who could put it in and he didn't need to be banished to the bathroom anymore - if she even cares. efff-why-ai, looking at her "standing to attention, ready to go at it hard". The 2 levels of that scene were brilliant actually. And absolutely losing his mind when she doesn't respect his "potency", doesn't respect him on top. Doesn't actually believe he can do it the way his dad used to.
His dad didn't do all this out of emotion, he did it out of cold business calculations (apart from maybe possibly the last thing he did. getting Roman to kill the woman he loved- Roman knows that it's in his rehearsed speech in episode 9). Of course for Roman, PIV Logan fucking is hurting, destroying, taking women's agency away and he can't do that without hurting himself deeply. And of course he only manages the middle bit/the firing. No successful foreplay/completion anywhere. Even less pleasure in doing things because "maybe dad knew". What tragic phrasing. The inference being that Roman doesn't know. That he always gets it wrong, he has the wrong instincts, the wrong feelings, the wrong desires and even when he tries to be dad's guy at great cost to himself, it's not working.
There was also a strong connection between Living +, the perfect AC homes of fake life while the world burns and Roman entering his own Living+ facility of nightmarish daddy-approved normo life, having fake Logan whisper in his ear all day what his superego is shouting at him at this point that "he always gets it wrong". The normal outside vs an internal life in uproar and turmoil, heading towards destruction.
And 12 hours later, acting as if the Tabitha interlude never even happened, starting to stalk Gerri and Martyn, and does Martyn shower at the gym? and has anyone seen him naked? and how big is this fucking guy? Desperately trying to tell Gerri he'll go back to jerking off in cupboards, go back to his "hang-ups and act-outs", if that's what she wants. The double entendre of "she could've gotten him there" taking on an even more obvious dimension. Roman visibly dying inside when Gerri leaves and he tries to hurt Connor, who has the sense to listen to his woman, screaming at himself really that "nothing's gonna happen", and going on to shatter democracy because "nothing ever happens" and he never gets the steak that he wants. And Gerri offering him a "funeral freebie", but Roman not being to handle the fear and the lust. Needing to be punished for having all those emotions in the first place but also for not respecting those emotions, destroying his relationship with the love of his life, "the one person who was maybe closer to him than Logan was".
The way Logan was so deep inside his psyche this season, but Roman was absolutely bursting in there.
Thinking Logan wanted him to be able to put it in normo style, but Roman only caring about Gerri knowing that,
Thinking Logan wanted him to make hardball deals/fire people but Roman only doing those things out of pure anger, pain, ego.
Thinking that showing your emotions/scars to the people you love is a weakness when the only times Gerri aches for him are the times she sees him crumble "You're not your dad" and that's why she had chosen him.
Being made unable to accept the touch of love, the held out hand of wokeness - even though he'd die for those things to be real. The idea these things were real and obtainable and he fucked it - how unbearable as a concept
I'm left puzzled as to why they thought Ken or Shiv's stories were more compelling/important. I get they were the most realistic. Roman's was dramatised a lot, his dad telling him "be this", ordering Gerri's killing, the voicemail seconds before his death. But it makes it the most dramatic/tragic imo... And yes all these things were visible as things were but they could've made them even more so.
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