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cereovo · 8 months

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A set of very conceptual notes I drafted a while back for someone asking for advice on learning to draw humans. I'm entirely self-taught so this is less of a tutorial and more of a very rambling set of general principles I follow and ideas that helped while I was learning. I figured I'd post it in case anyone else could get use out of it!

I also recommend checking out:

Drawing East Asian Faces by Chuwenjie

How to Think When you Draw (lots of good tutorials in this series)

Pose reference sites such as Adorkastock

Transcript and some elaboration under the cut:

Img 1 - Drawing a face

The two most important elements (at least for me) when drawing a face are the outline of the cheek/jaw and the nose*. I often start with a circle to indicate the round part of the skull, then add a straight like and a 'V' to one side [to create the side of the face and the jaw]. The nose creates an easy template for the rest of the face's features to follow (eyebrows at the top of the nose bridge, eyes towards the center of the bridge, ear lines up to eye) and the placement/direction and overlap with other features is a very simple way to indicate dimension. [A sketch of a face that has been adjusted by moving its parts to create 3 different angles. The following text is underneath:] -Different 3/4th views can be created just by adjusting the position of and amount of overlap between the facial features. - The top of the ear usually lines up with the corner of the eye. Think of how glasses are designed [specifically, how the arms run from the eyeline to the ear] [I go on a tangent in these next few paragraphs] *One thing I see many artists do - not just beginners - is learn how to draw A Person. As in, one singular person with one set of bodily proportions and one set of facial features. It's an issue that runs a bit deeper than 'same face syndrome' because sometimes these artists can draw more than one face, they're just not very representative of [the diversity present across] real people. Part of the reason I'm talking more about how to think about approaches to drawing - rather than showing specific how-to's - is because there is no one correct or right way to draw a person. The sooner you allow yourself to explore variety - fat people, old people, people of color, people with [conventionally] 'unattractive' features - the easier it'll be! Artists often draw their own features honestly and without [harmful] caricature, so it's always a good idea to look at art made by the kinds of people you're trying to draw if you're ever unsure about how to handle something. In general, it's far more important to learn how to interpret a variety of forms than to learn how to replicate the Platonic Ideal of the Human Body.

Img 2 - Stuff that helped me

Jumping into drawing humans (faces or otherwise) straight from photo reference can be overwhelming. The trick is to simplify forms into shapes - but even this concept is sort of abstract and it may be hard to know where to begin. Good news - Thousands of other artists have already figured it out. [When starting out] I needed to learn from photo reference AND artists I admired in order to improve. [When looking at stylization you are inspired by] ask yourself: WHY does this simplification work? How can I translate it into a different pose? Instead of copying what you see in a photo reference exactly, try to focus on the general forms first. My two biggest style inspirations for humans while learning to draw them were Steven Universe and Sabrina Cotugno's art. SU gets a lot of hate [in this instance I was specifically referring to a time on tumblr when the art was knocked for 'losing quality'] but its style does a great job of simplifying anatomy in a way that still portrays a diversity of bodies + features. [Extremely simplified drawings of Lapis, Steven, and Amethyst] SU characters are still identifiable- and still read as 'human' - even when reduced to just a few lines!

Img 3 - Things I keep in mind while drawing side profiles

- Eyebrows + eyes close to the 'edge' of the face - Forehead needs enough room for a brain - Eye is > shaped from the sides - Mouth kinda halfway [between the nose and the chin] but closer to the nose - Skin/fat exists under the jaw [and connects to the neck] - neck is about one half the width of the whole head - the back of the skull always sticks out a bit further than you might expect - Sometimes less is more - contours exist on every face, but drawing them in may make your character seem much older than they're supposed to be. However, it's a good idea to use them when you *want* your character to look old! These are very general notes- every face is different and has different proportions [and playing around with them creates unique and interesting character designs]

#2023 #may 2023 #i realized this is pretty nonsensical while transcribing it LOL #feel free to send asks if anything is unclear #but again im not any sort of professional

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lexirosewrites · 13 days

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For next Sunday.

Less of a story, more of an A/B/O conceptual conceit with a potential idea tacked onto the end. The same way that getting a really bad upper respiratory infection can make you susceptible to them for years and years afterwards: getting rejection sickness, either one really bad one, or a bunch of small ones, can make you permanently prone to developing it again.

So. Steve Harrington, whose parents were home often enough for Steve to hope, but gone enough for their scents to fade, has been dealing with whats basically chronic rejection sickness all his childhood. It gets a little easier when he has a long term nanny, not just omegas hired to watch him for a weekend here or there. Getting popular helps too. He has people around that way. Sports help a lot because whether its intentional or not, they all end up scenting like the rest of the team most days, and Steve builds a reputation for being too protective of his hair to shower in the school gym most of the time.

It's better than it was, but that doesn't mean he's cured. Pulling away from Carol and Tommy, who have functionally been his pack, messes with his health. He doesn't even like them, doesn't want them around, but they've been part of him for so long his body panics. He clings to Nancy to try to make up for it, but that's not who she is, and it doesn't really work.

Nancy breaking up with him fully crashes him into rejection sickness. It's bad. It's so bad.

Luckily, it hits over the holidays, and he gets a scrip from a doctor to make it run faster. Means he feels even worse during it, but by the time classes start, he's functional again. The kids help some. Robin helps a lot. It's chronic illness though, so there's random times when his parents are home for a week, then leave, and Robin isn't enough to fully prevent it.

Enter Eddie.

Maybe its the band touring. Maybe its Eddie going into WitSec. Maybe its just that the town isn't safe so he and Wayne move. And they're not together, not dating, not - technically - more than friends, but that doesn't stop Steve from getting sick.

Ohhh noooo my poor baby🥺 I just know that Eddie would feel terrible when he realized!!

#slick Sunday #steddie #steddie omegaverse #omega steve harrington #alpha eddie munson #omegaverse #a/b/o #my asks

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florallylly · 3 months

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i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington

note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(

bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.

so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.

but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.

he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.

a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.

and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.

apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.

and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.

his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.

so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.

but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.

but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.

steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."

and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.

and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.

but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.

and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.

and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.

through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.

but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.

and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.

even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.

but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.

the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.

this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.

but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.

#steve harrington #give me grace i literally do not know how to verbalize all of my thoughts about this #child model au #imagining them finding out bc jonathan or will was interested in some photography art exhibition and steve is literally the centerpiece #everyone FREAKING OUT #robin knew bc OFC robin knew #steve feeling too self conscious to keep his old ads but he knows his mom keeps a record in her office #dustin screaming crying punching the wall YOUVE BEEN FAMOUS THIS WHOLE TIME... AND DIDNT TELL ME....#mike wheeler feeling ill bc is steve actually kind of cool....#italian steve harrington #because OF COURSE italian steve harrington #eddie munson asking steve if he'd ever consider doing playboy #steve going into a very serious answer about his career projection and actually that's an insult eddie. do u know who i am #and eddie is like yeah ur the centerfold in my heart baby #and then steve gets it #to be so clear. steve's mom DOES love him but she's also extremely selfish #that's why she feels bad when she slaps him and concedes to his request #but once she gets over the initial guilt she's like but he was a STAR i was the mother of a STAR

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liv-is · 10 months

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Liv’s {Totally Optional Non-Mandatory Completely Voluntary} Pointers for Fleshing Out Character Relationships

Hi I’m liv e. and by middling demand I am going to blab a liiittle* bit about relationships.

So I will start by saying that I’m trained & licensed as a marriage and family therapist. So this is kind of what I do all fucking week. And I like this whole writeblr thing so why not make it fun and about fiction instead. LOL.

The purpose of this liiiiittle** post is to offer some ways in which you, a writer (great job btw!), might deepen your own understanding of the relationships between two or more characters in your writing. More specifically, by thinking a little deeper about how relationships function in real life.

These are ways in which I might conceptualize a relationship between people who seek my services as a clinician.

A small disclaimer: the VAST majority of my work is with couples (because I. prefer to see couples over families, lol), so this advice is coming from that perspective. Please keep in mind also that there are certainly infinite other ways to think about relationships. This is just the way I was trained. Or at least, the parts of my training that resonated with me the most, especially as I began writing more seriously.

My hope is that reading and practicing/toying around with these tips will help add another dimension to how relationships play out in your writing. So um. Cheers! Let’s chat.

*it’s not a little. it’s a lot.

**it’s a long post.

i. What I Say vs. What I Mean

When was the last time your partner or good friend pissed you off?

Maybe they were flippant about your feelings. Maybe they blew you off to hang out with someone else. Maybe they keep loading the dishwasher like a neanderthal.

And did you say to them, “Baby/honey/sweetums/bestie, it really upsets me when you load the dishwasher like that. I’ve asked you to do it X way several times, and it feels like you’re not listening to me, or that you don’t care about how I feel” ?

Probably not? Because, hello? (If you did, first try, then, wow! you’re a better person than i’ll ever be.)

You might’ve said “Dude, stop cramming shit in the dishwasher like it’s a fucking suitcase,” or “Haha, wow, again with the dishwasher. Awesome. No, it’s like, whatever.“ Or you might not’ve said anything at all, on purpose.

There is a tension that exists, there, in the CONTRAST between what we are thinking/feeling/meaning (e.g., I love you/I miss you/You hurt me) and what we are communicating via our words and actions (e.g., You never make time for me/You’re so lazy/You’re such a(n) [expletive of choice]).

That tension is ... really fucking interesting to read, huh!

Personally, I have a lot of fun watching the needs/wants/feelings of a character (that we might be privy to, as readers) get filtered through their unique... voice.

So say you write a character who is quite rough around the edges, and not very skilled in affection. They have a deep yearning to be close to [love interest], but they just aren’t accustomed to languaging their true feelings. Maybe we see how scared they are of putting their feelings out there. It’s vulnerable. It’s terrifying.

So instead of “I really care about you, [love interest]”, maybe it comes out something more like “Don’t you have anything better to do with your time than follow me around all fucking day?”

And we, the readers, are like, wow! That’s not what you were thinking at all man! You’re so bad at this, that’s awesome.

So the point of all this is that it’s very helpful to clarify for yourself, in any meaningful interaction between characters in or soon-to-be-in a relationship:

What are the characters individually thinking during this interaction? What are the emotions that are present? How does it show in their body or their movements? Are they careful not to let these things show, or do they not notice at all?

How are they expecting this interaction to go? (Are they afraid something might go wrong? Are they looking for a certain reaction from each other?)

What DON’T they know about what the other person is thinking? What are their assumptions about how the other person perceives them--in general, and in this moment?

What is the GAP or the CONTRAST between all of the above and what actually ends up coming out of their mouth? Or what actions they end up physically taking (or not taking)?

Are the characters aware of their own contrast, here? How do they feel about it? Or, do they think they are being perfectly congruent?

In this way, you have the ability, as a writer, to create some devastatingly (or delightfully) poignant moments between characters. These are the moments that can really sell the reader on the relationship--its importance (why are you showing us this?) and its appeal (thank you for showing us this, this blew our tits off, etc).

ii. Tender Spots and How to Attack Them for Fun and Profit

So we’ve got issues.

What are the things that really fuckin get at you? Those topics that, when brought up, make you really upset and really defensive at like, mach speed. Maybe you’re insecure about your skills. Maybe it really bothers you when people see you as weak/unintelligent/a burden/unattractive. Maybe you have a rough and complicated relationship with a family member.

So these can be thought of as, like, tender spots (lol). You can also think of them as “raw” spots, sensitive spots, or triggers.

Figure out what your characters’ are!

This is another key way in which you can create deep and believable interpersonal drama--Character A (accidentally or intentionally) stomps all over Character B’s sensitive spots. So to speak.

A very cursory and relatively uncomplicated example of this in action:

Tasha and Mimi are two adults in a committed partnership.

Mimi’s got a real fucking chip on her shoulder about being seen as a burden--her father always went to great lengths to make sure she knew just how much he did for her, just how many opportunities he passed up in order to raise her, just how great his life would have been if she’d never been born.

Tasha is the oldest of five siblings. She was frequently tasked with their care, growing up. She did her best not to complain, as her parents were always very busy working to keep a roof over their head. So, Tasha did her part. She would’ve loved to rest and play and goof off like other kids and teens, sure, but it never felt possible with all of her responsibilities.

Mimi is suddenly injured and is unable to do certain things on her own that she had been doing before. Tasha goes about taking care of these things as well as taking on certain other tasks on her own that the pair of them may have tackled as a team before. Tasha feels stretched very thin by the workload, but is deeply concerned about how Mimi feels. There’s nothing to be done about the situation, she reasons, so there’s no point in complaining about how stressed out she is.

Mimi offers to help to the best of her ability, but Tasha is very concerned about her, and insists that Mimi rest and not exert herself. Mimi insists back. Tasha insists back back.

Mimi points out how stressed Tasha must be. Tasha agrees that she is stressed, but does not elaborate on her feelings. Mimi assumes that Tasha must think that she is a burden.

Mimi then becomes very emotionally activated--she is reminded, consciously or unconsciously, of how shitty it felt to have her father tell her over and over again what a burden she is, and how better off he would be without her. So this must be how Tasha really feels about her, Mimi accuses.

Tasha, who is very stressed but who cares very deeply for Mimi and her well-being, and who does not see Mimi as just a burden, becomes very activated in turn--she feels maligned and misunderstood. And now she certainly can’t talk about how stressed out she is, because it will only convince Mimi that she is right.

So Tasha is now convinced that she must continue to hold her feelings in in order to keep the peace--she’s reminded of her childhood spent taking care of others, and how she never felt allowed to express herself.

This example is obviously from a very zoomed-out view, chronologically, and is not exactly the way we would see it written in fiction (fiction is much more moment-by-moment and, well, exciting, usually). BUT we can see where Tasha and Mimi’s sensitivities lie, and how they specifically hurt each other with their behavior (unintentionally, in this case) by stomping RIGHT ON those sensitivities.

Readers love drama. And drama makes the plot go ‘round! So don’t be afraid to lay it on them!

In your (very good and compelling) writing, ESPECIALLY if you want to write engaging relational conflict, you would do well to clarify what your characters’ deepest sensitivities are. Consider the following:

What needs went unmet for them, growing up? A very cliche therapist-y question, but for good reason--our upbringing is where many of our deepest insecurities originate.

Additionally/alternatively, what do your characters understand to be their role in relation to other people? E.g., are they always the caretaker, the burden, the comic relief, the heartbreaker, the lonely hero, the boss? How did they first get this idea of who they’re ‘supposed’ to be towards others, and how was this reinforced throughout their life? Are they satisfied or dissatisfied with their ‘lot in life’? What do they hate about their ‘role’, if anything?

What sorts of situations might remind them of what they hate most about this role? E.g. ‘I enjoy taking care of others, and I’m good at it, but my partner gets upset if I discuss how stressed I get sometimes--I’m never allowed to express myself.’ How can you incorporate these situations into your story to create conflict?

How does your character respond when these sensitivities are triggered? Do they lash out? Do they retreat and get quiet? Do they ghost people altogether?

What do they think will happen if they are unwilling or unable to fulfill this role in their relationships with others? E.g., ‘My partner will leave me if I am not a good caretaker’, ‘Nothing will get done right if I’m not the one taking charge’, ‘If I don’t keep others at arms’ length, even if they say they love me, I’ll end up hurt.’

This is another way in which you can help your relationships really come to life! Anyways. Read on for more cheer and relational joy!

iii. We’re Attracted to What Hurts Us Sometimes, AKA Oops! I Ran into the Knife, Ten Times,

(less of a part 3 and more a part 2.5, but it was simply too long. so,)

So maybe you have a good idea of what your ideal partner/bestie looks like. It’s probably any number of positive traits: kind, considerate, good sense of humor, shapely posterior, ambitious, active, fun-loving, studious, etc.

What probably don’t make the list are things like: emotionally distant like my mother with whom I long to have a reparative experience.

Maybe you’ve witnessed (or been in) a relationship wherein all parties can be described as ‘just so bad for each other’. And maybe this relationship should not have lasted as long as it did (or shouldn’t be lasting as long as it is). And maybe you’re like--’Why are these assholes still together?’ Or, importantly: ‘Why did these assholes get together at all?’ The answer may surprise you! But more likely, it won’t.

Sometimes, we pick people on purpose specifically because they stab us right in the sensitive spot (again. so to speak).

(i should clarify before moving on: I am specifically NOT talking about relational abuse, here. That’s kind of an entirely different subject that is like. the cousin of this subject. In this discussion, I specifically mean relationships in which there is no major power differential--you’re just bad for each other. These relationships can be what we might call ‘toxic’, sure, and painful, but not abusive. The distinction is important, moving forward. ok ty)

[Author’s Note: I need everyone to know that I wrote and subsequently deleted 700 words here because I realized they didn’t make any fucking sense ok. let’s try this one more time.]

Essentially, it’s a known phenomenon among humans that, when we have experience with relational distress in the past (e.g. a partner who neglected you emotionally, or parents who disregarded boundaries you tried to set), we like to seek out similar people with whom to form relationships. Weird! But not really.

The human brain seeks closure and resolution--where we couldn’t get things to work out with our parents, or our exes, we try to get the same situations to work out next time, with someone new.

Let’s look at another example, together. Take my hand,

Suppose you write a character (Character A) whose mother was in and out of their life from a young age, and never seemed to prioritize them. Now suppose you are looking to craft a fraught or tragic or dramatic romance (or other relationship) with this character. Using what you’ve written of your first character’s backstory, you can do just that!

It’s perfectly believable, you know now, for your Character A to pursue a love interest (Character B) who has a tendency to... not want to stick around. Maybe this love interest seems to fear commitment and intimacy.

Now, maybe Character B in actuality has a very dangerous profession that requires that they maintain the utmost discretion, and be ready to flee anywhere at a moment’s notice. Maybe the fate of the city/kingdom/nation/world relies on B’s profession.

It probably doesn’t make them leaving all the time hurt A any less, though.

Character A, unconsciously or not, is determined to make things work this time around. As the relationship deepens, B is faced again and again with the choice--stay, for your love, or go, as duty commands. Maybe they’ve taken a vow for their profession that is no light thing. They leave, time and time again.

Character A, unconsciously or not, remembers this feeling--it’s an old one. Mother, time and time again, chose something else over them. It would be understandable for A to feel a deep anger towards Mom and B both. Maybe A takes drastic action to get back at B (action that is also, symbolically, retaliatory towards Mom)--maybe they cheat on B, or do something that endangers their own safety.

When all they really want is just to get B to stay.

It’s probably very clear now why it’s not so simple a thing for A to choose to date someone more consistent--this is something that goes beyond B alone.

In this way, you can very easily weave themes into the relationship(s) of your main characters. Maybe the story of A explores the pain of abandonment, or loneliness. If B is the protagonist, maybe the story explores the way we excuse our shitty behavior in relationships (maybe the job is a pretext--maybe they really are scared of commitment), or maybe it’s about the dilemma of duty over love.

Relationships don’t always make sense. Or rather, they do make sense, just in a different way than we might expect. You can use this understanding now to intentionally explore a number of complex relationship dynamics, and to create nuanced (but sympathetic) characters. As you do, consider:

In your existing characters’ relationships--what keeps these assholes together? Why do they have to be with each other, as opposed to anyone else? This is important, again, for selling the reader on the relationship, especially if it’s your work’s main relationship.

What initially attracted your characters to each other? Consider again from the previous section (what is this, a fucking textbook?) the historically unmet needs of your character(s).

How do your characters go about expressing their needs? Think again about CONTRAST here--what is the discrepancy between what the actual need is, and how the character seeks to fulfill it? E.g. ‘I need to keep B from leaving me, because it really hurts me when they go, so I’ll go risk my life just to keep their attention (rather than express this pain to them).’

What similarities, if any, exist between your MC’s relationships with the people in their present lives, and your MC’s childhood relationship(s) with their caregiver(s)? Could you expand on/deepen any similarities in your writing? What themes might emerge if you did?

iv. Change / The Arc

So you’ve got your work’s central relationship. It’s believable, it’s just the right amount of dramatic, it’s suitably tragic, and just all-around devastating. People will cry. Great job!

Now what?

Well, that depends--what ending do you envision for your relationship?

If they remain together, do they get the happily ever after? The happy-for-now? Is the reader left to wonder about whether or not their relationship will survive?

Do they not make it at all? Are they separated by tragedy? Do they crash and burn? Or maybe they try their best, but despite how badly they love each other, it’s just not enough?

Whatever the Point B of the relationship is, if it’s central to the work, you’re gonna want to have a clear arc in there. Or not, idk, I’m not your mom.

You might already know, if you inhale every piece of writing advice you come across (like me), what makes a compelling character arc. The good news is that it’s much the same with relationships! Kind of.

Systems (relationships) tend towards homeostasis. Without deliberate intervention, relationships want to remain the way they’ve always been. Just like people!

And just like characters, relationships need a reason to change. Like a catalyst, or a motivation. Whatever the hell you wanna call it.

It’s not always, like, complicated to figure out the driving force behind change in your central relationships. Sometimes the pieces fall together!

Pay attention to the characters within the relationship--as your characters progress through their arcs, their relationship will naturally shift. It will probably not look exactly the same as it did when it began--there might be similarities, of course (they’re not entirely different people.. usually. And there’s a beauty to bookending a story with the familiar, certainly). But in this case, the relationship can be thought of as an extra character, almost. It’s unsatisfying to read a whole story wherein a central character stays exactly the same. It’s further strange and incongruent for a relationship to stay exactly the same while the characters have like, achieved actualization or whatever.

Outside events can force change on a relationship, just as they do individual characters. A couple that’s close to Characters A and B get married--and A & B start to wonder what their future together even looks like. B’s company hires a fiiiine honey, who’s exactly B’s type, and A starts steaming about it. A pandemic ravages the nation, and to prevent the spread of the virus, A and B have to stay inside togeth

YOU GET IT ok anyways I’m fucking tired of writing. If you’re wanting to develop the arc of your MCs’ relationship(s), think on some of this:

Do your characters see any problem(s) present in their relationship? Are they all equally aware of the problem(s)? Do they agree on what the problem(s) are?

How secure are your characters in their relationship? If anything could possibly cause doubt and conflict to arise, what is it?

Where do your characters see their relationship going in the near future? In the far future? Do their visions align? If not, how do they differ? Do they even want the same thing?

Is the arc of the central relationship congruent with the arcs of the characters who comprise it? I.e. does the relationship remain exactly the same as it was when it started, despite the characters undergoing wild metamorphoses? Is the reverse true?

When you think about their relationship, INDEPENDENT of any ending you may already have decided, where do you see it going? Like, where do these people feel like they’re headed, realistically? Does this align with the ending you’ve decided on for them? If not, this doesn’t mean you’ve written a bad relationship or anything, it’s just a possible sign that some really intense shit might have to happen in order to shift their course, y’know? Or not--the world is your oyster and you are the God of your own creation!

What are you trying to say with your story, and do the arcs of the central relationships reflect that message?

final thots

If you read all that shit, thank you. I wrote it all in one sitting and posted it without proofreading 💜

In all seriousness, I want to emphasize that, although some of these aspects of relationships are most visible in rels with a lot of anguish and maybe even some toxicity, you by no means have to write this kind of relationship in order to make use of these tips. You could write a very Normal couple!

The idea is to offer you some avenues through which to consider aspects of your characters’ psychology and personalities, and how they mesh or clash with their partners’ or besties’.

Anyways I hope this was helpful. I love talking about relationships I could literally go on and on all day. Which I kind of just did so. lol.

I’ve been liv and I’ve got two main WIPs I’m working on right now: The Romance of the Demigods and The Marking Blood and they’re full of really really super normal relationships and examples of me definitely taking my own fucking advice.

Cheers and happy writing! 💖💖💖

#writing advice #writing tips #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #writeblr community #writing community #writing tutorial #how to write romance #i guess #lol

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squash1 · 6 months

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something i’ve been thinking about a lot lately is the way that language in the dreamer trilogy & the raven cycle is a barrier to forming connection/community.

in the raven cycle we see a distinct lack of specific terms used between ronan and kavinsky. the word “dreamer” is not even used directly — instead the two of them talk conceptually about the dreaming process, about their respective “special places” (ronan’s being cabeswater), and how the dreaming “juice” runs out (but again, the terms “ley line” or “energy” are not used). there is a clear recognition of “sameness” or shared experiences between the boys, with kavinsky specifically saying he “knows what ronan is” (tho whether he’s referring to dreaming or ronan’s sexuality is up for debate i suppose).

this is really the first time ronan is connecting with a dreamer outside of his family. and his family, of course, has their own terms and language for dreaming. there is a barrier in the discussions ronan and kavinsky are having because of a lack of shared language. so much of what they experience as dreamers is isolated in the individual, so they are forced to talk around concepts because they don’t have universal terminology to fall back on.

i’ve talked extensively about how dreaming is a representation of chronic illness in the dreamer trilogy so i won’t go too far down that rabbit hole. But. something that is talked about within the disability/chronic illness community (and beyond) is the way that individuals can struggle to connect with people that have the same condition/similar experiences as them because of a lack of shared terminology to discuss abstract or hyper-specific concepts/feelings.

we see this in the raven cycle with kavinsky and ronan, and then we start to see it even more in the dreamer trilogy as ronan continues to find belonging and community with other dreamers. ronan and hennessy’s friendship requires them to bridge the language gap. though they both live as dreamers, because of their different experiences throughout their lives, they use different terminology to make meaning of their situation.

in knowing to one another, ronan and hennessy are exposing each other to new, shareable language. ronan shares his term for “nightwash,” and hennessy shares her term for “the lace.” both of them adapt to using this new language for a shared conceptual experience and in doing so are able to connect more fully with one another. in the raven king, i believe it is quite possible that ronan and adam had encountered the lace — a dark entity that whispered their worst fears to them — but did not have the term yet to describe it. obviously, terminology does not outweigh experience, but it is an important element of forming community through shared experience.

there’s also the way that the moderators use the term “zed” instead of “dreamer” — at first it is unclear what zeds even are because as the reader we have only ever had the language provided by ronan. in this experience of coming to realize that “zeds” are equivalent to “dreamers,” we as the reader experience the same sort of dissonance that dreamers themselves experience when trying to connect with one another without universal/shared language.

for ronan specifically, in both trc and tdt, there’s always an element of translation. in the dreaming world, his dreams speak in either latin or a dream language that doesn’t exist in the waking world. in his dreams ronan understands the dream language, but outside of them he can’t. ronan working so hard to learn latin is intentional — by understanding it in and outside of his dreams, he can bridge a language gap for himself; can understand his waking world AND his dreaming world at once. he studies it like his life depends on it because. it. does. the puzzle box is also helpful to ronan because it makes something that is unreal in the waking world, real — it is confirmation of the validity of that language. whether you’re thinking of dreaming as a metaphor for chronic illness, mental illness, or some other identity, the point is about the feeling of otherness, of inability. ronan only feels strange & lost & like he doesn’t know what the hell he is outside of his dreams where no one else understands his language. where he is confronted by being unable to speak to what he lives in his head.

in conclusion:

ronan lynch i love you.

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kalamity-jayne · 1 month

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Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

#advice from a trans mom #Transition #HRT #Transgender #cracking the egg #ask/answer #anon #mother calamity!

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angelgoddard · 9 months

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐒! ♡︎

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒐𝒏𝒆: 𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕. 🎀

technically this should be step zero. but it's important to get clear on what you actually want. there are a lot of ways to do this. below i've compiled a small list for you!

- look into archetypes + system. they are patterns and associations based on body type, facial features, and personality traits. (i know there's ones that exist for feminine presenting people, i'm not sure about masculine presenting people. you are obviously not obligated to follow these, but they can be fun sometimes, especially if you're looking to curate a specific image of yourself.)

- observe the people you admire. this is a great way to try and find patterns in the people you look up to. (for example, i tend to gather inspiration from celebrities who have very youthful, sweet, and angelic faces. this helped me realize what my desired face was.)

- get creative. use faceswap and apps similar to blend together people you want to look like! if the beauty you're going for is more conceptual, make a collage board of things that visually describe your beauty. (for example, my collage board included things like cats, bunnies, deer, angels, dolls, etc.)

- you can also look at pinterest and save images of bodies, body parts, and facial features to help you know you want. this is especially useful if you're a person who has trouble keeping track of things you're manifesting.

- write a list of all the features you want. (notion is a great app to make lists and sort things if you don't enjoy using paper.)

- if you just want to become better looking overall, your subconscious knows what you truly want, so don't stress about specifying it if you're having trouble doing so.

♡- knowing that we are limitless can be a very freeing feeling, but it's important to remember that just because we can do something, doesn't mean we should do something. remember to be critical of what you want, especially when it comes to manifesting appearance changes. society has taught most of us what we are supposed to deem beautiful and healthy and what is ugly and unhealthy. do not allow indoctrination to control you. read this for more clarification.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒕𝒘𝒐: 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒅. ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

fulfilling yourself is the most important part of the process. you must do it continuously until you feel as if you no longer need to do it because your desires are truly yours. you do not engage in methods to get anything, creation is finished. this post focuses specifically on fulfilling yourself using the state akin to sleep. there's many tutorials that already exist, explaining how to get to the state. here's a few of my personal favorites: 1, 2, 3, 4.

i personally have trouble quieting my mind down and getting into the state of thinking about my desires, so i like to either listen to music or do a meditation beforehand. here are some mediations i enjoy using: 1, 2,. while i relax my body, i sometimes listen to soundscapes to calm myself down (1, 2, 3,). depending on how i feel, i will either use the lullaby method or visualize. below, I've listed some ideas for imaginal scenarios.

- people asking you if you're [insert celebrity/person] because you look just like them!

- overhearing people gossiping about you, and accusing you of having work done when you're really just a natural beauty

- people constantly asking you for makeup tutorials or what your skincare routine is

- seeing yourself on thumbnails of subliminals/seeing yourself all over pinterest

- getting showered with compliments everywhere you go, people give you things for free and do you favors bc of how beautiful you are

♡- you don't have to fall asleep in the state for it to work. it's beneficial, but not essential. i personally like to do sats visualization midday, and the lullaby method at night.

♡- try not to make your scenarios too convoluted or have too much going on, especially if you're going to fall asleep looping it. it will be more difficult to keep track of what's going on as you slip farther into sleep. (from personal experience, the people in my scenario start slurring their words when i get too sleepy during a complicated sats scenario.)

♡- sats also works for revision. just imagine scenarios working the way you wanted them to, or an event in the past, and imagine you had your desired appearance then.

as for the lullaby method, here are some phrases you can repeat.

- it is done.

- i am stunning.

- i am beautiful.

- it is finished.

- i am free.

- it has been this way.

♡- remember that while doing this, you don't have to feel any particular emotion. you don't need to feel happy, grateful, sad, or peaceful. if you do that's great, and if you don't, that's also perfectly fine. knowing isn't this wise, specific feeling, it's just being aware and accepting what you have as truth. the device you're using to read this post now exists, right? you know you just have it. that's how it should feel to you while fulfilling yourself. it is also okay for the scenario/phrase to not feel natural at first. just keep doing it and eventually the sense of realness will begin to set in.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆: 𝒅𝒆𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆. 🎀

the art of detatchment is an essential one. detatchment doesn't refer to completely neglecting 3d responsibilities, shutting yourself in a dark room, not going to the bathroom, or not showering— it means do whatever you need to in the outer world, but don't identify with anything that doesn't align with your desires. if you find yourself crying about how ugly you are, seek comfort in imagination and remind youself that the true you, the inner you, doesn't cry over their appearance because they are confident in how they look.

detatchment includes stopping yourself from controlling things that don't manifest, like thoughts. stop thought flipping, forcing yourself to think positively, and putting yourself on these super strict mental diets because they don't solve the real issue. thoughts stem from states, and they do not manifest anything. you have the power to reject thoughts that don't align with your desires, and accept the ones that do. anything you think that aligns with your desire say "i accept this thought." and anything that doesn't, simply say "i reject this thought." as soon as you fully fulfill yourself, your thoughts will begin to naturally flow from your new dwelling state (the wish fulfilled). you should not be burning yourself out, take it easy.

detatchment also refers to letting go of the how. logic and law of assumption absolutely do not mix, they're oil and water. you have to let go of logical limitations and focus only on the end result. obsessing about waking up with your new appearance or revising it is not going to help you. how you get your desires is not your problem, nor your job. you do not need to take any sort of 3d action, like working out or eating well (although this is a great thing to do, of course!). mental work is the only work you need to do. everything else will simply fall into place, that's the law.

persistence is another important aspect of manifestation. you cannot manifest anything without some degree of persistence. once you decide you have something in imagination, you have to remain faithful to the idea. you can't continually go back to wanting your desire when you've decided it belongs to you in imagination. persisting in the idea that you truly have what you want will end your hunger and allow you to feel free and fulfilled.

a good way to continually fulfill yourself is to set up a sort of routine, like entering sats before getting out of bed each morning, or doing the lullaby method as you fall asleep. as neville said, we are creatures of habit, and habit acts as law, even though it is not. changing your negative habit of remaining in an undesired state into a positive one of consistently remaining in a desired state is very beneficial in solidifying persistence. your routine doesn't have to be extremely convoluted or detailed, it just has to be consistent, like skincare. you don't see results if you only wash your face once a day, you have to persist in your assumptions for them to become facts.

𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓: 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒉. ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

the sabbath is the rest period in which you are completely aware that you have your desires, and know that they absolutely must materialize. although the experience of the sabbath can be slightly different for everyone, what typically happens during this stage is:

- feeling no desire to use any methods (why would you need methods if you know you have your desire?)

- not feeling anything towards your desire (in the same way you feel nothing towards objects in your 3d, you just know they exist)

- thoughts naturally flow from the state of having your desires

- not spiraling or wavering

𝒕𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒆. 🎀

question: is the lullaby method just vain affirming?

answer: according to neville, it is not. i am aware some blogs say you can just affirm, but he has always suggested to add feeling to your words, as feeling acts like glue, connecting the imagined reality to the physical one. (again, the feeling is not an emotional one, but rather a feeling of knowing.)

question: minnie, i'm always reminded of my 3d appearance by my family/friends, what do i do?

answer: i think this ask would be helpful!

question: what if i am unable to visualize?

answer: use your other senses (smell, touch, taste, hearing). you can also try studying images of whatever you want to visualize to make them stick in your mind.

question: i can't get into sats on my own, i need guidance, any suggestions?

answer: this meditation is absolutely perfect!

♡︎- stop overconsuming information! you know everything you need to know. there are no more new discoveries to be made. the law is easy and simple. get off tumblr if you're using it in hopes of finding some kind of life-changing information, because you will not find it.

♡︎- stop procrastinating. no, that youtube video you're choosing to fall asleep to isn't going to fulfill you, but doing the lullaby method will. that video will always be there to watch later. what is more important: your happiness, or your momentary entertainment?

♡︎- forget about time. time is not real. focusing on time is focusing on lack- which isn't what you should be doing. continue to fulfill yourself in imagination. what you experience there must be expressed.

♡︎- don't stop persisting. do not let the lack of results in the outer world deter you. if you really want your desires the way you say you do, is persisting really that much work? if your answer is yes, you probably didn't want it that much in the first place. what do you have to lose by visualizing every night or saying an affirmation as you fall asleep? the law is universal, it does not discriminate. no matter how "long" it takes, it shouldn't be worth giving up if you truly, truly want it.

thankyou for reading! <3 (please don't repost without credits)

#manifestation #law of assumption #minnie luvs the law ♡#state akin to sleep #neville goddard #law of conciousness #desired appearance

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songmingisthighs · 1 year

Text

Good Neighbour

group : ateez

pairing : nerd!seonghwa × neighbour!reader

genre : smut, neighbours au

word count : 3.8 k

warning : smut, mdni, explicit sex (piv), mentions of watersports (no actual action), seonghwa mentioning he watches porn, unprotected sex, mentions of Seonghwa pleasuring himself to the thought of (y/n), (y/n)'s kind of a brat ??

a/n : happy seonghwa day !!! :D though i'm in singapore, i still want to post this and i did it !!! >:)

buy me coffee ?

Frantic knocks on Seonghwa's door made him almost smash his lego Death Star by accident. Thankfully, he only smacked his hand on the side of his table. Though painful, he'd have that over ruining the thing he had been working on for the whole day and was three-fourths way done.

The knocks on the door became relentless and bordering on incessant and honestly, it annoyed him quite a lot. He was hoping to have a quiet night in after hearing (and dealing) with the excitement around the apartment earlier. Plus, he promised his friend, San that the next time they hang out he would show him his finished lego Death Star so he could help conceptualize how to put them on display. So obviously, Seonghwa wanted to spend the day for himself, for his hobbies. It wasn't like Seonghwa would usually spend his time out, it was just that his time alone was usually spent on his work as a remote working cyber security expert. They truly benefit from Seonghwa's anxiety and tedious working tendencies but Seonghwa couldn't really complain.

When Seonghwa (finally) opened the door, he was so ready to scold whoever was on the other side, pissed that they annoyed him for no reason. But when he was met with the face of his crush, teary-eyed with her arms hugging her body tightly with a slight tremble, his anger melted away and his shoulders dropped. "(y/n)?" he called out, crouching down slightly to your height to be eye-level with you, "Are you okay? What's wrong? Have you been crying?" he asked, a worried look clear on his face. You had been the object of his affection for quite some times now and when he heard that your house had been burgled while you were at work, Seonghwa felt the most guilty because it was during the time he decided to go out and buy a new lego set for his collection. Had he waited to go a little longer, he would've been able to stop the burglary. Of course by calling someone, what can a nerd like him do? Offer to get pantsed as an exchange? That wouldn't be enough and he had a feeling that he would just make the situation worse. Considering that he only had a handful of experience with having a full conversation with you and every single time, he was so awkward. One time, he managed to spill his own coffee on himself, jumped and bumped his head to the wall behind him. You were nice enough to not make fun of him and even staying with him and iced his head. From then on he was down bad and he swore that he will try to be better for you. That was a year ago so please make your own conclusion.

You were sniffling and your eyes were shifting around warily, arms hugging your own body as a gesture of self preservation and comfort after experiencing a major trauma. "Can I stay here with you for a bit? I- I don't feel safe at home and none of my other friends are available," you sniffled sadly. Seonghwa couldn't help but skip a heartbeat at your words, focusing on the fact that you had indirectly called him your friend. While he would like to be more, he was more than happy that you thought so highly of him and he can only hope that when he finally make his move (whenever that is), his happiness would be tenfold. Whilst trying to suppress the grin that was threatening to split his face in half, Seonghwa frantically nodded and stepped aside, "Of course, you can stay here as long as you want! With me, your friend!" it took everything in him to not laugh or giggle considering that the situation was still sensitive. Thankfully, you didn't seem to realize his attempts of not being a weirdo and you even stepped close to him to gave him a tight hug. "Thank you for being such a good friend, Seonghwa, I'm really glad to have you," your voice was mumbled due to your pressing your face on his shoulders. Seonghwa's body froze especially when you exhaled deeply into his clothes, turning a spot very warm. For some reason, feeling your breath on him was exhilarating and had you not let go of him, you would've definitely felt his boner on your hip.

Even when you were already inside his place, you were still stiff and awkward. The situation was just so stressful to you that even with the company you knew you needed, you were still not able to feel comfortable yet. Seeing this of course upset Seonghwa as he adored your happy and cheerful side. "H-hey, do you want something to drink? My friend, Yunho, got me this pink wine thing and I've been waiting for the right reason to-" "Yes please," you cut him off, both surprising and delighting him with your enthusiasm over alcohol.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Not even half an hour later, you and Seonghwa found yourselves giggling over random things on his couch. You had let loose a little (a lot) with the help of the alcohol and Seonghwa's dumb attempt at imitating his friend Wooyoung's witch laugh. You've been laughing for a solid 5 straight minutes and Seonghwa was beyond proud that he was able to make you that happy and distracted. Or distractedly happy.

"Seonghwa, stop it or I'll pee myself!" you whined whilst still laughing happily, head thrown back and hand on your stomach when you felt like it was starting to cramp. Grinning widely, Seonghwa sat himself back down on the couch, this time unknowingly closer to you with a slight huff and reddened cheeks, courtesy of the alcohol. "If you pee yourself, I know that means you were genuinely laughing so hard and I'll take pride in that," he said, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. Without Seonghwa realizing, the alcohol had allowed him to be more confident in having you in his apartment whilst simultaneously giving him a bit more courage to be able to communicate with women easier. Usually, he'd stumble over his own words and/or mix them up to create a confusing, awkward word. In return to his statement, you raised an eyebrow at him as a knowing smirk appeared on your face, "You like girls peeing because of you? Kinky," and Seonghwa almost choked on his own spit. Seeing this, you decided to egg him more, "I'm not kink shaming you, Hwa, I'm just surprised you're into that." Seonghwa began sputtering random words, trying to reject the notion but no actual, comprehensible words came out of his mouth and it made him panic because he felt like as if he was trying to hide something when it wasn't the case whatsoever.

The panicked look on Seonghwa's face; the blush, the twitchy eyes, and the trembling bottom lip looked cute to you. You have always thought that he was attractive, hot even, he was just a nerd who gets overly excited over things that he likes and most of the things he like revolves around Star Wars, Marvel, and pink stuffs. Plus, his career path on top of the way he dressed didn't help his case of being a total nerd. You remembered thinking he was so hot when you saw him coming back from playing tennis with his friend Hongjoong and to say your panties suddenly got damp would be the understatement of the year. You've been waiting to be able to see that Seonghwa again and so far you had no luck. Yet.

"I haven't had sex in a year!" He suddenly blurted out without realizing what he had said.

You both sat there frozen; Seonghwa in dreadful realization of the information that he had just unknowingly willingly gave out to you. He remembered Wooyoung and Mingi trolling him about the fact because according to them, it was ridiculous that Seonghwa didn't care much about where or how his sexual frustration was channeled, completely oblivious (or maybe forgetting) that Seonghwa has been pining over you for the longest time. That, and Seonghwa is a very busy smart man with a hobby.

It wasn't like he thought that you would ridicule him, it was just embarrassing to have your crush know you haven't had sex in so long What if he thought he's unexperienced or just THAT unwanted?

"B-but it's not like I have a low sex drive or anything. I get turned on! I really do, I watch porn like a normal person!"

God, if only a meteor could strike him then and there.

Seonghwa was so close to faking an injury or just climbing out the window to escape the awkwardness he had accidentally created. Anything to not be in that position or be that person anymore.

"What kind of porn do you usually watch?"

He was not expecting that question from you.

For a second, Seonghwa thought you were joking. Maybe even making fun of him. Or egging him to spill his kinks or sexual interests just so you could humiliate him later. But the more he looked at you, the more he saw that you were being genuinely curious, there was no malice behind your eyes or gesture. "I... It... It differs from time to time," he was not quite sure why he even responded to you in the first place. Perhaps the alcohol was more potent than he expected it to be. "Oh? So you like dominating and being dominated?" Seonghwa nearly jumped from his seat when your knee touched his, surprised that you were suddenly so close to him. But he didn't move back, he even scooted in, leaning into your warmth and touch that he craved more of after having a taste. "No... Well," though it felt as if there was as lump in his throat, Seonghwa simply coughed it out a couple of times before continuing talking, "I don't quite know about that, but I know I like taking care of my partner."

His eyes widened when you suddenly plopped onto his lap, legs, encasing his thighs as to not let him move around easily. "Tell me more," you said as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, resting your weight on him completely. Seonghwa's head began to swirl, your scent hitting his nostrils and the realization of how close you both were with each other were intoxicating to him, exhilarating even. His hands automatically moved to be placed on your hips, as if wanting to keep you in the spot as a possessive gesture. "Well, I... I'm very nervous having you here with me right now," he blurted out. You couldn't help but giggle at his confession as you didn't expect him to say something like that to you, it wasn't even the context of the conversation. "Why so? It's not like I'm gonna bite you," then you suddenly leaned in, lips next to his ear and your breath hitting the skin making it warm, "Unless you're into that."

In a blink of an eye, Seonghwa had lunged at you, pining you onto the couch as he whined pathetically. "Please don't tease me like this, I don't want to take advantage of you considering you had just been through something absolutely traumatic and not to mention we were drinking," as he pleaded, his palms balled into fists on either sides of your head as if to ground himself, reminding himself that while he couldn't control his words, he should at least be able to control his urges. Seeing him hold back made you pout, obvious that it was not the reaction that you were hoping for. "Oh come on, Seonghwa! I've been through something absolutely traumatic today so I need you right now, I need your help to make me forget how crappy today has been," your words were so clever and you even bat your eyelashes at him to soften him up which annoyingly enough worked. But still, even if you did have a point, Seonghwa was still hesitant because like he said, he really do enjoy (so far, only the idea of) taking care of his partners and ensuring their consent was one of the ways he liked to do it. Besides, to him, asking for permission to commit a very intimate act was hot, it was as if the decision of having sex could be dependent on one of either parties.

Since this was you, someone who he had been pining for for so long, he decided to make sure of some things as to not let the chance pass by just like that. "How drunk are you exactly?" Seonghwa asked, genuinely hoping that you would still be able to do what he hoped you both would do if the chance comes. "Not drunk at all, just a slight buzz, you?" you asked back, heart beating slightly at the thought of Seonghwa wanting to have sex with you. "Drunk enough to have the courage to propose this to you but not so drunk that it would nullify my consent," he said firmly.

Without wasting more time, you smashed your lips agains this in a frenzied rush. Though you leapt forward, your body dragged him down with you onto the couch due to the gravity and your arms being securely wrapped around his neck. When you both landed, Seonghwa let out a yelp and had his clumsiness kicked in, he would have definitely smushed you under his weight on the couch but he managed to support his own weigh slightly. You loved the feeling of him on top of you though, you loved feeling his mouth on yours. Even from the kiss you could tell that Seonghwa was slightly hesitant, wanting to do something to you (that you have yet to figure out) but he wasn't able to actually reach out for it. Heck, not even to place his hands on your body. Usually, with your previous partners, they would be honking your boobs like a clown horn by now, but Seonghwa was different in a nice and frustrating way. You detached your lips and pouted up at him, showing your displeasure over his treatment, "God, Seonghwa just do whatever the fuck you want with me!" you whined, yanking his collars open to began sucking red marks on his pretty, fair skin, "I want to be taken care of by you. You'd like that, right? You liked knowing that you can take care of me and my needs with no problem and have me however you want."

A guttural growl left Seonghwa's lips and before you know it, Seonghwa had flipped you over so that your chest was against the cushion underneath you. It felt like your breath was knocked out of your lungs from being surprised by the sudden action and by Seonghwa's strength. At least you got another glimpse of your nerdy neighbour's athletic prowess and this time you got to experience what he was capable of first hand.

"You want me to take care of you? You want me to explore what I can do from my extensive research?" the sudden appearance of Seonghwa's low voice vibrating through the air caused electricity to shot down your spine, making it feel tingly. "Yes, please, I want to know what you're capable of, Seonghwa, please," you whined breathily, almost sounding pathetic.

Your permission was all Seonghwa needed to grab you by the waistband of your pants and pulled them down along with your underwear. It felt ridiculous that Seonghwa felt a sudden overwhelming sense of arousal just from seeing your bare ass on display for him, It wan't like he had never seen a naked ass before. For sure, he wasn't a virgin and by God, the amount of times Wooyoung and San pranked him by having their bare asses in front of his face just before he opened his eyes was astronomically embarrassing. Though he can't complain much because this was your ass and the sudden rush of adrenaline and excitement that coursed through this body made him think of the endless possibilities be it from potential kinks to positions and even frequency and volume (amount and sound). This must be how virgins on their wedding nights feel. Seonghwa couldn't help but palmed himself through the layers of clothing he had on as he slowly unbuttoned his pants, nose scrunching at the

"Don't just stare at me, do something!" you demanded, "What? You don't know what to do?" Teasing him might have been a mistake on your part because the next thing you know, Seonghwa slapped your ass harshly. Maybe he was acting out from his reflex, maybe something inside him was switched on because when he heard you yelp, he snapped out of whatever it was that made him hurt your ass and winced, momentarily turning back into the bumbling nerd you knew from before. "Oh my God, I'm sorry, (y/n), a- are you okay? I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking," he was cringing so hard when he asked because your now red ass was glaring at him, proving that he was being harsh on you. But he was surprised when you turned around to look at him with your bottom lip between your teeth and a shy smile on your face, "N-no, Seonghwa, that was great."

God, it felt like he finally found the answer he has been looking for.

You were doing nothing but showing him a simple expression but for some reason Seonghwa found it so absolutely sexy. Pornographic even. It released the last hold Seonghwa had in himself and before you could reassure him more, Seonghwa had slipped himself into your cunt. The position you were in at the moment under him with your legs stretched back and Seonghwa's knees trapping your body by your thighs, made you feel even tighter to him. Seonghwa stilled with his eyes rolled back into their sockets as your face fell onto the cushion, the sound of you squealing from surprise muffled slightly but it was still loud enough for Seonghwa to hear. His hands found purchase on your ass, his fingers digging onto the soft flesh hard that you thought indents of his fingerprints could be found later if you look for them. "Shi- shit, Seonghwa! You could've warned me!" you whimpered once you managed to find the strength to lift your head again. "Sorry, (y/n), I- I-" he shuddered when he sunk in deeper, your warm cavern accommodating his dick beyond his imagination, "I couldn't- ah! Help myself, God, you're so f- fucking," it was hard for Seonghwa to speak because he tried pulling away once before pushing back in again and it was addicting. You were in no better shape than him. While Seonghwa's fingers dug into your ass, yours dug into his sofa cushion from pleasure. It wasn't like Seonghwa has a monster cock or anything, but for some reason it just felt right. Having him inside you just felt right to you and you were excited to feel and have more of him.

Luckily, Seonghwa started rocking his hips once the initial overwhelming intoxication ebbed away. Really, it felt like Seonghwa wasn't even moving on his own accord, it was as if something was controlling him but he didn't mind, he didn't care, not when whatever was making him move caused you to bury your face in your arms as you moaned and whined, asking, begging him to fuck you more, fuck you harder. That night, Seonghwa truly felt like his sexual urges was driving him as he suddenly grab you by your hair and pulled you up slightly. "Look," it was then that you realized that there was a window in front of you, "You look so beautifully sinful, how could you do this to me?" he grunted. It was true for one part, because it wasn't just you, it was him too, he looked absolutely delectable. You both looked straight out of a victorian pornographic painting with the warm lighting illuminating your figures and the darkness of the night sky outside the window serving as a blank canvas to accommodate the two of you.

"Shit," you gasped when you saw Seonghwa's eyebrows furrowing from the window, clenching your sopping cunt to trap Seonghwa's cock inside you. The more reaction you gave him, the more frantic Seonghwa's movements become. It was like a very intense tango with both of you giving and taking and teasing each other yet still working together in perfect harmony, synchronizing and complimenting each other like genuine art. Only if art is sweaty, messy, and noisy.

It didn't take long for Seonghwa to feel like he was nearly tipping off the edge of his climax. He was so close he could feel it on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he could thank the nights he spent fantasizing about you, those were his 'practice nights' for this day and it actually surprised him that he didn't immediately nutted inside you upon his entry. Those nights he spent fucking his pillow or humping his bed was nothing compared the feeling of your fluttering walls on his cock and your slick lubricating his movements. "I- I'm close," he huffed, hips hitting your ass sharper than before as his hands became harsher in gripping you, possessively trying to hold you as he had his way with you. "Seonghwa, cum in me," You whined, back arching with a moan following your beg. And so Seonghwa released his cum inside you at the mention of you wanting him there. His hips were stuttering slightly but the feeling of him releasing his cum inside you, having the thought of his cum mixing with your own swirling inside his head as the overstimulation creeped in was addicting. He didn't know how long he was going to cum but it felt endless. You, in the receiving end, couldn't help but tense up when Seonghwa's cum filled you to the brim. The movements he was still giving you made both of your mixed cum spill out and wetting your thighs and the sofa beneath you. The tensing muscles in your cunt, ass, and calf somehow heightened your pleasure and it made you even more aware of the presence of Seonghwa's cock still inside you.

When his movements slowed, Seonghwa's mind wound down and it was then that he realized that he had just had sex with you on his couch. Not only that, he was doing things he had never done before in a sexual way, things he had only seen people do in porn and maybe heard from his friends. He felt his chest bloom with pride but the unsureness of how you feel or how you would react prevented him from smiling out of happiness or even saying something to you.

So when you looked back at him, you had a wide grin on your face, making his heart skip a beat.

"So that's what you're into, huh? What else is on the list?"

Oh he's so fucked. Fucked in the best way.

taglist :

@hwasrie-main @yvnnieurl @kodzukein @phenomenalgirl9 @skzatzloveismonsterous @memorymonster @thesolarplanetarysystem @dreamlesswonder86 @maddiebabyxoxo @imababywolf @do-you-actually-care @marievllr-abg @ilsedingsx @wasteitonserendipity @bbymatz @noonaishere @honeyhwaaa @ateezourstars @yoonjunshi @yoongiigolden @camillelafaye @charreddonuts @jcngh0-hq @kpopnightingale @starryunho @atinct @mirror-juliet @hyuckilstan @jayb17 @kpoplover718 @imswitchbabemox @haatohwa @youngestdelacour @x-bluee @erinaimeexx @blackb3ll @mingiholic @angelicyeo @vampcharxter @meowmeowminnie @marvelous-llama @kawennote09 @hongjoong-lovebot @ming-ki @stopeatread @spooo00oky @asjkdk @shinotani

@chloepurpy @cutie-wooyo

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @kflixnet

#cultofdionysusnet #kflixnet #ateez #ateez scenario #ateez scenarios #ateez imagine #ateez imagines #ateez smut #ateez smuts

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trans-axolotl · 7 months

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and this is also why i think that any meaningful community building/advocacy/support around madness/neurodivergence/mental illness needs to be founded on principles of liberation and abolition, and that we need to be able to distinguish between people who are allies based on our shared values + goals, and between people who use some of the same language as us, but are fundamentally advocating for separate things.

One example I see a lot of is the idea of "lived experience" professionals, people who have a career in the mental health system and who also have some personal experience with mental illness. These professionals oftentimes will talk about their own negative experiences in the mental health system, and come into their careers with a genuine desire to improve the experience of patients. But their impact is incredibly limited by the system they have chosen to work in: the coercive elements of psychiatry incentivize professionals to buy into the existing power structures instead of disrupting them. And as a whole, many lived experience professionals end up getting exploited and tokenized by their employers and used as an attempt to make carceral psychiatry seem more palatable. Professionals in this dynamic are not working to effectively challenge the structural violence of their profession: they become complicit, even if they do also have good intentions and provide individual support.

(I do know some radical providers who have found innovative ways to fuck up the system and destabilize and shift power in their workplaces, but this is a very small number of providers and is not most of the lived experience providers I've talked with.)

Another example I see a lot in our spaces has to do with the evolution of the neurodiversity paradigm. I feel a very deep connection to the original conceptualization of neurodiversity and neurodivergent as coined by Kassiane Asasumasu, but in recent years I've seen a lot of people using neurodivergent language in a way that feels pretty dramatically different than the foundational principles. This isn't saying that people should stop using ND terminology or that all neurodivergent spaces are like this--rather, I just want to point out some trends I see in certain communities, both online and in my in personal life. Although people will often use neurodivergent language and on the surface, seem allied with concepts of deinstitutionalization, acceptance, etc, the values and structure in these community spaces often rely heavily on ideas of classification based in DSM, and build very prescriptive and rigid models for categorizing different types of neurodivergence in a way that ends up excluding some M/MI/ND people. Certain types of knowledge are valued over other types of knowledge, and certain diagnoses are prioritized as worthy of support over others. There's a lot of value placed on identifying and classifying many types of behaviors, beliefs, thoughts, actions, into specific categories, and a lack of solidarity between different diagnoses or the wider disability community.

Again, this isn't to say that ND terminology is bad or useless--I think it is an incredibly helpful explanatory model/shorthand for finding community and will call myself neurodivergent, and find a lot of value in community identification and sharing of wisdom. I just feel like it's important to realize that not every ND person, organization, or initiative, is actually invested in the project of fighting for our liberation.

when thinking about our activism, as abolitionists, it's important to be very specific about what our goals, values, and tactics are. For example, understanding the concept of non-reformist reforms helps us distinguish what immediate goals are useful, versus what reforms work to increase the carceral power of the psychiatric system. And when building our own value systems and trying to build alternative ways of caring for ourselves and our communities, we need to be able to evaluate what brings us closer to autonomy, freedom, and interdependence. I need people to understand that just because someone is also against psych hospitalization does not mean that they are also allies in the project of letting mad people live free, authentic, meaningful, and supported lives, and that oftentimes people's allyship is conditional on our willingness to conform to their ideas of a "good" mentally ill person.

#personal #psych abolition #mad liberation #surviving psych #antipsych #neurodivergent #also to be clear i'm not saying any of this as a way to say some people are more or less disabled than others #or that becoming a provider makes you no longer neurodivergent or something #but rather this is discussion of activism + strategy + goals + tactics #not a commentary on "who counts as disabled or who deserves support #this is talking about: how do we build the type of world where mad people are liberated and how can we tell who is also working towards tha

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faelapis · 8 months

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pmmm rebellion: the flower scene

*inhales*

i like pmmm rebellion. a lot. i'd go so far as to say it’s one of my favorite movies. but i've never liked the interpretation from some, of this scene. the flower scene. essentially, the idea is that homura was right in how madoka was "miserable" as a god. because madoka "agreed with her" in the flower scene.

as a baseline, i will say right off the bat that i think pmmm is a franchise where you can never fully escape tragedy. i think any ending to this story will be bittersweet, and there is a certain amount of sacrifice and misery inherent in its very concept.

that being said. i don't think madoka becoming a god was as tragic as homura makes it out to be. i don't think its just a hero sacrificing herself for the greater good. i think it's more. and i think this scene, as much as it is a conversation, is also an act of self-delusion.

this one-note interpretation of madoka as a tragic sacrifice (in how she herself feels) is ignoring... well. the context of the whole series. which homura herself is also ignoring. by which i mean, she was a quite the unreliable narrator in how she described the sacrifice / miracle madoka would go on to perform.

for the record, i think there is something both selfish and selfless to homura. i think she genuinely believes she is helping madoka. and i think homura thinks that's all she wants. this is not an attempt to slander her - but more about how i think she has an incomplete understanding of madoka, and what madoka wants in life.

basically, i'm not trying to argue here that madoka's sacrifice is just good "for the world." obviously, it is. we already know that. what i'm trying to argue is that i think it - in some ways - is also good for madoka herself. not in an uncomplicated way, but that its not all bad. that she gets something out of being this godlike being. at the very least, i think it is better for madoka than the world homura creates.

okay. so. flower scene. homura pretty vaguely just says “you’re going to be separated from everyone you love." which, on its own, is pretty sad. she mentions that there's something "only (madoka) can do". and that madoka, being selfless, would do this because she feels she has to. that it is a tragedy.

what homura doesn't mention is madoka becoming this godlike, conceptual being who is everywhere at all times. which is a pretty big fucking thing to leave out. homura might as well have said “you’re going to be separate from ME, and that’s going to make ME sad” for how honest she was about the context of the situation.

in short, homura is framing the situation as tragically as possible because she wants madoka to say what she wants to hear. she wants to be told that it was miserable. because homura was miserable.

essentially, what homura says will happen: you'll be away from everyone forever. it will accomplish ~something~, but i will not tell you what. it will make me very sad. please comfort me. (which madoka does, because of course. lest we forget part of what she says is she would never want to make someone as strong as homura sad.)

what actually happens: you will have the power to save every magical girl from suffering. you will become a conceptual god, which will remove you from your human life. but you will also be with every magical girl, always, and give them comfort. you will not only have your own agency, but make sure that the wishes of magical girls everywhere MATTER and don't end in despair. including your own. even when you would become a witch and despair, you will save yourself. and when i die, i will be with you as well.

i think by framing it this way, homura IS being honest about how it "felt" to her. but homura also misunderstands what madoka wants.

first of all, madoka's life as a regular human... well, i'm not going to say it was unhappy. but i think it was unfulfilled. i think madoka was an insecure girl without much sense of what she wanted in life. and it was also ignorant. ignorant of the pain of the world, of the suffering that other magical girls had gone through. it was privileged, but it was also, in this way, empty.

madoka’s self-actualization (in the series) has a lot to do with helplessness vs being able to make a difference. in short, she wants agency. what her wish does is give her that agency, which she trades for her life as a normal human.

what homura’s wish does is the reverse. it’s giving madoka her humanity back, but in return, she no longer has agency. she doesn’t get to do the self-actualization of becoming someone with the power to help others. she is, in that sense, suppressed.

so. like. yes, THAT “regular magical girl who knows zero context of her own character arc” version of madoka? of COURSE she doesn’t want to leave everyone behind. big duh. she isn’t told what it would accomplish (in any specific terms), she isnt aware of how it would create a version of herself with the power to change the world. nor is she acquainted with the non-magical girl version of her in the pmmm series, who had no agency at all until she chose to become a god.

in the series, that is not a moment of despair for madoka. that is when she finds hope. that is when she attains a world where she can give rest to all magical girls. and give herself a reason to fight. that hope and determination carries her, and she is with it forever.

it’s also worth noting, rebellion!madoka's not just saying it would make her sad. she is also doubting herself. she's saying she is far “too spineless” to do it. how she's this weak, helpless person who would never be able to leave people for a greater calling.

putting aside how she’s not really gone / at least exists in this abstract way - she is also demonstrating how she doesn't believe in herself. so even this "happy" magical girl version of madoka still has some of the helpless insecurity of her series counterpart. she may live a relatively peaceful life, but she is not fulfilled. she lacks the purpose, determination and hope of her series counterpart.

in other words, even this version of madoka needs to self-actualize. and part of her knows that. in homura's "happy" new realm, madoka "feels wrong." she seems shy and insecure. ill at ease. uncomfortable. like she's at the start of her arc, not the end. yet the godlike power within her refuses to be erased. it can only be held back. for now.

in a way, i see homura trapping madoka a bit like the symbolism of not letting someone grow up. sure, adulthood might not be as "simple and happy" as childhood, but it also gives you knowledge and agency in life. it allows you to learn & grow, understand the world as it is, make educated choices in who you want to be, and become that best version of yourself. THAT is what madoka is denied. that is how she feels wrong in this “happy” illusion realm that homura creates.

also. god madoka would definitely be a lot happier if she could be with homura in heaven and have the ability to save her lol.

but there's a problem with that, for homura. and that problem is, that would give madoka the agency in the situation, and leave homura the passive receiver of blessings. which is at odds with homura’s own desire for control. like madoka, she wants to not be helpless and have the ability to affect the story. after all, she did fail to stop madoka in the series. i think homura wants some of that agency, too. hence the imagery of her soul gem going from a pawn to a queen.

essentially, i see this as a conflict between two sides who want to be in charge of their own destinies. they've been stripped of their agency by the world, and they want to have it back - no matter what it would cost. this is what they have in common.

when homura refused to join madoka in "magical girl heaven", she was ultimately refusing happiness for the sake of agency. for the sake of being able to be "madoka's hero." that's what she always wanted to be, and failed to be in the original series.

tl;dr: there is something tragic in madoka's wish. for sure. but i think it gives madoka agency in the world, which she always wanted. i think being able to help others can be genuinely fulfilling for the individual, rather than just a sacrifice. it’s empowering, as much as it is the loss of old self. and i think homura wants to feel like that kind of hero, too - no matter what. they both do.

*exhales*

#pmmm #madoka kaname #homura akemi #madoka #puella magi madoka magica #not su /#long post /#for the record we all agree that in an ideal world none of this would fall on the shoulders of middle schoolers #but that’s not why these stories are written #in madoka as with any young anime protagonist it has as much to do with the world of being the burdened protagonist 14 yr olds want to see #and to the symbolic fears dangers and perils that come with being 14. learning about the world and shedding childhoods naïveté etc

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