#he just likes making characters that push everyone else into difficult conversations or choices | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lilacsandwhiskey · 3 years

Note

Angst prompts 12 - Tom 💛

Choices

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Warnings: language, angst, not necessarily a happy ending but maybe a part 2 in the works, perhaps?

angst prompt from @your-fluffy-murder-writer

Tom hated the way he couldn’t lay down and feel comfort in what he was sure was the most comfortable bed in the entire city. The hotel room was seemingly too large anymore, knowing there was one less body occupying the room.

He swung his legs over the left side of the bed, his feet hitting the cool carpet. He glanced at the clock. It was only 11:02pm, but everyone else had already fallen asleep in the suite. He tiptoed into the small kitchenette, grabbing a beer out of the fridge, thankfully stocked by Harrison earlier that evening. He took himself out to the balcony, sitting back on the cold metal chair that decorated the outlook.

Tom sighs as he pressed the bottle to his lips, sweat from the bottle falling onto his chest. He’s quick to rub them away before setting the bottle on the tiny garden table in between the two chairs. His fingers fumble with the other side of the chair as he stares at it, as if the one face he wants to see will appear. But he knows it won’t.

His mind takes in the still bustling city below him. He knows if you were here, you’d be whispering softly stories you’d made up about each person that walks around on the street. “They definitely are on their first date.” You’d say at the awkward hand holding couple crosses the street. “She looks like she’d drive a Benz. I’d like to drive a Benz.” Tom found himself letting out a laugh through his nostrils, immediately feeling tears sting the back of his eyes. If only you were here to make those comments.

Tom wondered what you were doing right now. It took everything in him not to call you, for the first time sober. There was no doubt drunken calls had surfaced on the nights he’d gotten absolutely hammered. Harry would try to stop him, but Tom never listened. He’d shove his brother away from him, closing the door and locking himself in there. He wasn’t proud of it. It didn’t exactly help his pride that you never once called back.

“You’ll always choose it over me.” You cried. “Every. Single. Time. You’ll choose anything it all over me.” This wasn’t the first time this had been a fight. Tom groaned, pushing his hand through his brown hair. “It’s my fucking job.” “When will you realize that I know that? But you’ve changed. I haven’t even gotten a text from you in over two weeks. I’m not going to be in a relationship with a radio silent telephone. I deserve more.”

And that’s when you left. You had enough and you finallt chose your feelings over your own. You were supportive of Tom and his endeavors, everything about his job, you supported. It wasn’t until the partying and clubbing commenced more than usual, earning you not even a check in text. You felt selfish for getting upset but you also recognize that what the two of you had going on wasn’t healthy either. If he wanted it to work, he would make it work, you told yourself.

Tom was awoken by clanking in the kitchenette. The place would be home to him for the next two weeks, so there was no question that Harry had ran out to get groceries for the three of you. Tom rolled out of bed, not before grabbing his phone. Did he ever call you last night? He checked. Nope. Thank God.

Tom made the decision then to try to get over you. No response to any of his calls or messages was a response to him. With a shaky sigh, his feet carry him to the kitchen, only to hear the tail-end of a conversation. “I miss when y/n would make us those cheesy eggs in the morning.” Harry said, cracking an egg over the pan. “She’d always put the right amount of cheese.”

With a groan, Tom looks to his brother and best friend. “Don't ever say her name again.” Tom pleads, sitting down at the stool. Tom knew his whim of a decision to forget you would be more difficult than not. Harry and Harrison share a look that goes unnoticed by Tom. “Sorry mate.” Harrison responds, giving Harry one more look.

The rest of breakfast goes as normal as it usually could. Tom craved more than his breakfast though, and the craving was almost overbearing to the real food in front of him. He looked over at the stool next to him, where you would be if you were still with him. He imagined what this morning would look like - the type of morning you’d shared several times before. Your knees pressed into his thigh, feet perched on his own stool instead of yours to get closer. Your body would be turned towards his as you scraped your food off your plate, laughing among the people he loved so much.

One thing Tom struggled the most with, was when you decided to leave, you left the family too. Tom wasn’t sure if you still communicated with him, but there was no doubt some hurt when Tom had announced your break-up. You’d become so close to all of them, that you sitting here next to him in the morning eating breakfast would have been domestic. Your laughter would have lightened the thickened air between all of you. You’d crack a joke or two, pushing Harry’s buttons like you always did.

The first time Tom ever saw Harry genuinely get upset at him was when he told him. Harry took it the hardest - he had grown close to you. Of course, Tom had other girlfriends in the past that Harry had met, but he had never gotten so protective over someone like he had you. He was sure you were it for Tom. So when Tom announced it at a family dinner when his mom was poking about your whereabouts, Harry’s chair screeched loudly, a napkin was thrown on his plate, and out the back door he was to the garden.

“You really fucked up, didn’t you?” Harry hadn’t even turned around to notice Tom’s presence. He knew already. “Why do you assume it was me?” “It’s not an assumption, Tom.” Harry is quick to turn on his feet to meet his older brother. “You pushed and pushed her away. We warned you. She begged for you to give her a sliver of that reassurance you gave her in the beginning but you couldn’t get it through that thick skull of yours.” Harry’s words cut like a knife but Tom knew he was right. “I’m sorry.” Tom whispered. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Harry pushed by his brother, inside to help clean up before he was gone to their own home.

Harry apologized soon after but didn’t fail to mention that he was still pretty upset. To Tom’s knowledge, no one had spoken to you. But that wasn’t true. Harry was the first to reach out, someone you confided in. He was like your little brother after all, you’d spent a few years by their sides. Then everyone found it in them to call or message you. You had ran into Nikki at the grocery store. She spotted you down the aisle looking at pasta. You turned to see that familiar face, that familiar smile. “Y/n.” She said, before you opened her arms and allowed her embrace. She didn’t fail to express how much she missed you, which only made getting over Tom harder.

Leaving Tom was one of the hardest things you’d ever done. When you made the decision, it wasn’t quick. You lingered for months. You thought there would be a change that would snap you back into the relationship you held so dear to your heart.

The phone calls were fairly continuous for a while, a drunken Tom confessing he was wrong. You’d squeeze your eyes shut listening to the messages, telling yourself not to cry. Your finger hovered over his contact several times. But there was one thing you knew - you couldn’t say hello to him and risk another goodbye.

——————

Tom was onset for his newest movie - one about a girl and a boy finding theirselves back to each other after a rough breakup. It was a rom-com, something Tom had always been up for, but it felt different not having you by his side during filming. Though he’d had a rather great break, he spent the majority of it sulking and attempting to prepare.

Tom saw several familiar faces walking onto set, familiar with the director as someone he’d worked with times before. “Where’s the lady?” He asked, shaking Tom’s hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Harry’s face drop into a frown, attempting to insinuate that it wasn’t a good subject for now. “Uh, we ended things.” “Oh man, I’m sorry to here that.” The director gave a sympathetic smile before calling for the objective of the scenes today.

Tom felt jittery as it was determined that they would be working on the break-up scene. He stood in front of his co-star, preparing body language to show they were angry. His co-star looks to him, feeding her selves thoughts to bring tears to her eyes.

“You never cared, did you?” She spits. “You know I did.” Tom remembers how small he’s supposed to feel in this moment before the anguish begins. “You are better off without me. Just say it.” “I can’t.” “Why can’t you?” The woman is hiccuping through tears. “Because… I love you.” “You’re pathetic. You’re a liar. You’re lying to me.”

Tom recalls his actions are to become angrier with each degrading comment. But in that moment - he’s sparked. “You really think I don’t love you?” “How could I when you treat me like this?” Tom feels the tears rushing to his eyes, face turning red. “I would do anything for you.” “Then do it! Stop treating me like this!”

This felt all too familiar. A fight way too familiar. The actress is doubled over in tears, and Tom’s character is to feel urged to hold her and apologize. He does, tears streaming down his own face. If only he’d handle your arguments differently. If only his fuse didn’t get the best of him.

“God, I’m so sorry.” Tom mumbles, holding the actress close. He becomes aware of how it’s not you he’s holding. He becomes aware of how this could have been different if he would just listen. The scene continues with mumbles I love yous and a tired girl packing up her clothes.

Tom watches in the corner, real tears falling down his face as he remembers watching you sling things into bags. You had slammed pictures down on the way out. And he knew it was goodbye.

“And… cut! Absolutely beautiful acting, you two! Don’t think we could’ve had you do that better.” The director gushed. Tom was still fed with a lump in his throat. The director reports they can take five, bringing Harrison and Harry walk to the curly-haired boy. “You okay?” Harry asks, squeezing his shoulder.

Tom hesitates, eyes staring forward. “No.” He lets out. “I fucked up. I should’ve handed it all better. Why did I hurt her?” Tom knew people were probably wondering why he was unable to snap back to reality. But that was thing - that conversation had been a reality and it cut too deep.

“I’m in love with her. I am. I know she won’t give me the time of day anymore. But God, I’d do anything for a second chance.” This was the first time Tom had let himself really feel his heartbreak, and he knew it wasn’t the time. So like the great actor he is, he snapped out of his trance and prepared to listen for directions as they called for everyone back.

Tom made his way to the crew, Harrison following close behind. “Keep an eye on him. I’ve gotta call to make.”

Harry walks out into the warm summer sun. He’s quick to pull his phone out and go to the number he needs. With a couple of taps, the phone is ringing. The ring is broken by a simple hello. “Y/n? Hey! Got a minute to talk?”

#tom holland angst #tom holland #thomas stanley holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot

112 notes · View notes

zandracourt · 3 years

Text

Some thoughts about Episode 2x12 of 911 Lone Star and subject of physical abuse. I’ll put behind the cut for those who don’t want to read:

I work in the field of abuse of adults and one of the hardest realities of my job is that I have to hold the word “abuse” lightly because the spectrum of what is experienced as abuse by the parties involved is wide, for many factors, including enculturation, personal history, physiological make-up, emotional maturity/intelligence, and mental health. There are legal definitions of what constitutes abuse/assault in every jurisdiction and there is the basic understanding of power/control and the role that plays in the relationship. Even the word “healthy” when it comes to relationships is difficult to define because what I regard as “healthy” is not something someone else considers valuable enough to work on or worth separating from their partner over. It is surprisingly personal and while I have laws that I enforce, the reality is that even when an incident meets the legal criteria, if the victim says it wasn’t abusive to them, there is not much we can do other than to keep offering the victim that there is another way to love and be loved.

That said, I’ve seen a lot of posts of fans very upset about TK’s shoving Carlos when he was angry. And I am not here to say that interpretation is wrong. However, I do understand why the writers and actors would have created that scene and not consider it all that problematic. Again, not justifying, simply offering some thoughts from someone who works in this field. These are my own and I know other investigators in my own unit who would think differently, so it is just one perspective. Also, I am not a sworn officer. I enforce civil law, not criminal.

1) I don’t believe TK’s reaction is out of character. When he is emotionally compromised, he self-harms. He does that with substances and we have seen him seek out fights (the bar which leads to the police station scene and with Judd, both S1) when he is upset. I read his pushing Carlos as self harm over abuse because his actions betray that he is trying to get Carlos to *hit him*. Which Carlos, being a police officer who is trained to remain calm (they are supposed to be anyway), responded by restraining TK. TK’s response is then not to calm down but to get more upset and tell him to leave because TK is *not getting the emotional release that he wants* which is physical pain. He wants to feel physical pain to mask his emotional pain but Carlos won’t participate in that. So this isn’t abuse in the typical way we understand it. It is manipulation on TK’s part and unhealthy as hell, but is actually in keeping with what TK does when he’s hurting emotionally.

2) This scene is highly-feminine coded. There are hundreds of examples in tv/movies where a woman is upset and she beats her fists against a man’s chest (who is almost never who she is actually upset with/about) and the man endures it for a bit and then restrains her until she calms down. We see it all the time and while also problematic, generally we don’t object to it because we view the woman as not being able to cause the man any real harm or pain. Women get away with a LOT of domestic abuse because of this bias. So given that trope, it is very possible that the writers and actors viewed this scene through that same bias. That TK isn’t really hurting Carlos because he is bigger and more muscular than TK. Again, not great, but something to consider when evaluating the choices made by the creators of the art in question.

3) The Fight or Flight response is so deeply ingrained, it is very difficult to stop. When I enter someone’s home as part of my work, I am there to investigate an allegation of abuse. Even with the word INVESTIGATOR on my chest, and with everyone knowing why I am there, there are some perpetrators who are so reactionary in their fight/flight response that they try to threaten and intimidate me (fight). They are displaying abuse behaviors to the one person you would logically think they would want to hide those behaviors from. And many do. But for some, they literally cannot stop the response. Makes my job a little bit easier because now I am a witness to their abusive reactions and can document it. In this instance with TK and Carlos, I’m not necessarily saying that response was triggered in TK, but again, he has a much higher propensity for Fight than Flight in general so I can’t say it’s *not* a factor either.

4) Many have expressed wanting to see the apology between them that was not shown. In some ways, I can understand why the showrunners chose not to. That should not be a quick conversation. And in the context of a show like this, where there is no other way to do it, I think would ultimately be worse. If TK apologizes and Carlos accepts without much conversation, there is no reason for anyone to expect the behavior to change on TK’s part. This actually models abusive cycles. Any conversation where Carlos confronts TK about his behavior would take real time because they’d have to get at the reasons why TK had that reaction in the first place, and given that Carlos has already addressed this (in their convo at the police station after TK is arrested for brawling) and it hasn’t changed. Therefore, the scene would need to either put Carlos in a role of continuing to bring this up while addressing why he is putting up with the behavior from TK, or Carlos needs to do some self-reflection about why he’s still in this relationship. So to do it in a way that is actually “healthy” doesn’t take them where the writers wanted them to be later in the episode. So, in many ways, their apology scene is best served by a well-written fanfic than it would be by a 2 minute on-screen scene that would either serve to perpetuate an unhealthy cycle or push them further apart. This way, there is an ambiguous element where everyone can pretend that some long-ass conversation occurred and the two of them came to a healthy resolution.

5) DV scenes between men are *way* bloodier than any other scenes I encounter. In my experience, when men are abusive of men, it’s very brutal. And again, what equals abuse is sometimes hard to define and even harder to address. So a little shoving, while not great, is also not even in the stratosphere of how bad it often can be. Is it right to view abuse with that kind of relativism? Hard to say. But when you exist in this world, it is hard not to and I have to go by the people in front of me and what they are expressing about how they feel about what happened. If you, the viewer, watched this and reported it as abuse, I could go investigate. But if TK and Carlos say to me, “Nah, we didn’t feel that at all.” Then it doesn’t matter what you, the witness, feel about it, or even me. I can offer my educated and experienced view, but that doesn’t mean the two parties will accept it. That’s why I have learned to hold it loosely because adults have the right to self-determination and the right to make poor choices. And believe me, that is very hard to do, especially when I encounter a victim who is clearly so beat-down that they can’t imagine anything better for themselves. But if I tell that victim, “You must...” then I am simply becoming the next person controlling their choices. Instead, I offer “You could...” or “Here’s some options...”

To me personally, I read TK’s shoving Carlos as evidence of unhealthy self-harm behavior more than TK abusing Carlos, because the action wasn’t rooted in power and control and ended fairly benignly. Would it be awesome for them to still address it? Absolutely. But I also understand why they chose not to.

#911 Lone Star #Tarlos #Episode 2x12 #Abuse in media #911 Lone Star Spoilers

221 notes · View notes

thesaurus-lover · 2 years

Text

Receiving an Anonymous Love Letter ~ hq

this seemed like a meh idea when i first started but now i'm pretty happy with how it turned out LOLLL

this is also a lil reward to myself by writing hq characters that i haven't yet! enjoy, and happy valentine's day 💌

characters: hinata shoyo, sakusa kiyoomi, miya osamu, suna rintaro, tendou satori, tsukishima kei, sugawara koushi

cw: gn!reader, post-timeskip, fluff because we all need it, the boys being fucking dorks and us being here for it, also the contents of each letter are never specified so good luck using your imagination...

word count: 1.7k

hinata : 日向くんへ

when he arrives at the gym one morning, meian hands him the envelope, saying that an unnamed someone dropped by and wanted him to have it. shoyo knows what the hell it is—there's a damn heart scrawled on next to his name—but there's no way he's believing that it isn't some sick joke to pull at his heartstrings.

there isn't any other hinata on the team... right?

he realizes it's a stupid question, but he double checks everyone else's jerseys just to be sure.

while bokuto and atsumu insist that he reads it before practice, shoyo puts it off for later. it doesn't help, though, because it puts his mind elsewhere and causes him to make sloppy shots, and receives that are longer than they should be, and an emergency set that he nearly misses, and—

shit. he has to know what's inside.

at lunch, he sneaks into the bathroom to finally focus on the letter. needless to say, the words get him falling harder with every sentence, and he returns to practice with a giddy energy and a determined concentration that seems to stay for the weeks to follow. he vows to himself to thank his beloved Letter Sender-san if he ever finds out who they are.

so when you—you, of all people—reveal yourself to him at the next match that the jackals win, shoyo thinks an ecstatic kiss is exactly what he owes you after all the times your words helped push him to do better.

sakusa : 佐久早くんへ

he immediately decides that he wants nobody else to find out.

unfortunately, a certain someone's "oooh, omi-kun, what's the envelope? ya got a pen pal? a secret admirer?" makes it very difficult, but he manages.

he tries not to think about it, really, but he finds himself keeping the letter in a safe, clean drawer at home to re-read its contents every once in a while. the flowery feeling that settles in his chest whenever he remembers the anonymous confession doesn't seem to leave, either. at this point, it's been weeks, and he's getting a bit antsy.

kiyoomi then decides that maybe he wants... one person to find out. he'd understand, right?

in fact, after being let in on the secret, motoya understands two things: one, that his cousin is dumber at this thing than he thought; and two, that the only possible person to have sent the letter is you.

of course, that's what he tells kiyoomi, which is met with the initial skepticism. because come on, it's you, why would you ever think of him like...

okay. fine. the more he thinks about it, the more open he becomes to the idea. the more he recognizes that he likes it, too.

so after waiting for a response for what felt like forever, you receive a text that says "hey, you free this weekend?"

and knowing kiyoomi the way you do, you're sure it's a good sign.

osamu : 宮くんへ

after finding it attached to the receipt (and tip) that a customer left behind, he calls his brother to tell him, and—just like in any other situation—they proceed to argue about it.

"it only says 'to miya-kun', so it's obviously mine. 'cuz i'm more popular, ya know. like, objectively."

"tsumu, ya dumbass, it was in my restaurant."

"they prob'ly just wanted ya to give it to me, the better choice. think a li'l, samu!"

"say that again, but slower. i dare ya."

twinly support is thrown into that conversation, they promise. somehow.

when you come back to the restaurant, you decide that you're brave enough to write a "thank you <3" on your tissue after last time's stunt. but before you can leave, osamu is already at your table thanking you, until his eyes land on your little note.

there's a brief moment before you think: fuck, handwriting.

it takes less than that moment for him to make the connection, murmuring, "so it was you."

"i—i have to go," you blurt out, heart plummeting into your stomach. the chime of the entrance is close to follow as you rush out the door. you become very close to burying yourself in a hole that night.

but the next morning, there's an onigiri miya delivery at your doorstep, a new envelope folded into the bento wrapping. it's signed with a heart, addressed to your name, and you're very glad you didn't bury yourself in that hole.

suna : 角名くんへ

honestly? he finds it funny.

sure, kinda cute, but mostly funny. after all, it's not the first time he's received a message like that, and it's surely not the first time he's brushed it off easily. he'll admit that this one is sweeter than most others, but that doesn't change the fact he wouldn't spare the stuff a second glance.

but that's only because he's already made up his mind—nobody, especially not some random letter sender, can compare to you.

which is precisely why rin finds it weird when you start to ask him if anything interesting happens at practice other than, well, actual practice. the suspicion only grows as you keep pressing the topic, until "you haven't, like, received anything?" slips past your mouth.

oh.

the second it clicks, he rushes home. while fumbling through the messy stash of letters that he put aside out of pity, all he can think is how there is no way this is actually happening. his heart jolts when he's finally able to show you the very envelope you sent, leaving you no choice but to confess to your crime.

he flashes you one of those trademark lazy smirks. "damn, and here i was thinking it was just another fan mail letter."

you fake a frown. "so i'm only on tier with your fans? is that it?"

"what? no, no." rin is unable to hide the panic that floods his features, quickly slinging an arm around your shoulders. "c'mon. if anything, i'm your biggest fan."

tendou : 天童くんへ

on a trip home for vacation, ushijima picks him up from the airport like the good best friend he is and declares that someone asked him to deliver a "VIP package." naturally, after drinking up its contents, tendou is obsessed with finding out who the letter is from, except...

"wakatoshi-kun, please! i won't—"

"i promised them i wouldn't tell, tendou."

except it doesn't go very well.

the silver lining, however, is that he learns the letter was only the first in a series: the rest are clues that come every few days for him to figure out the identity of the anonymous sender. it's a cat and mouse game being dangled right in front of his nose, and tendou doesn't care that he's falling for the bait.

scattered over the course of a couple weeks are multiple meetups with high school friends, visits to restaurants he's trained at, and playing volleyball at familiar courts. the clues keep coming, too, but his search doesn't seem to get him anywhere.

soon enough, tendou is already back at the airport. he's so close to figuring it out, he swears, and he knows his trip will be a complete failure if he doesn't—

a random number sends him the final clue. everything suddenly makes sense.

and since he's a tad bit desperate to spend time with his adorably precious admirer who went out of their way to do so many things, tendou misses his flight on purpose to pick you up for a spontaneous date night. rebooking is always an option; and frankly, insisting that you tag along is one, too.

tsukishima : 月島くんへ

kogane and kyoutani are right there when it falls out of his locker, so of course he's excessively vocal about finding it weird, maybe even creepy. how the hell did someone get it in there, anyway?

secretly, though, he's mostly just skeptical at the fact someone would even go through all the effort to send him a bunch of sweet, appreciative words at all. really—for him, of the hundreds of other worthwhile guys? definitely a prank.

but there's a small part of tsukki that flutters at the idea that it isn't.

small part, yes, but big enough to make him a little nosy. some asking around tells him that the gym receptionist pulled in a favor for a friend. he then pries some details out of her until it becomes a wild goose chase (that he's able to hide from everyone except maybe tadashi and yachi) where he ends up at your favorite café finding out from another regular about how much you had struggled with the stationary and a thesaurus website.

you get a notification from him saying he wants to meet up, and you almost shit yourself.

"are you out of your mind?" tsukki scoffs right as you sit down. you're about to stammer out a defense when there's a gentle hand on your shoulder. "you could've told me straight-up."

as you reel at him unblinkingly, he stifles a laugh. "do you know what i did just to find out who wrote the damn thing? there's no way you're dense enough to think i'd ever shut you down."

sugawara : 菅原くんへ

he finds it on his desk in the faculty room out of the blue, and none of the other teachers want to tell him who left it there. he ends up thinking about it throughout the day, clinging at the chance to play detective; the tone of the sentences, the choice of words—they just feel so... familiar?

but before suga knows it, the envelope falls. out of his bag. in the middle of class. for students to see.

"oooh, suga-sensei has a love letter!"

ah, well. he's dealt with worse before, he supposes.

to continue with the lesson, he promises those interested in his situation that he'll sit with them at recess to talk about it. and he does, to which he finds out how surprisingly straightforward kids at this age seem to think.

"look, sensei! not everyone writes that phrase like that," one of them says, while another scrunches up her nose: "and this joke isn't even funny. you gotta know a person who would think it is, right sensei?"

oh, right. he does know someone like that. and the someone is you.

after class, he makes plans to see you right away. you agree, but are die-hard disheartened at how quickly he figured it out.

"had some help," suga answers cheekily when you ask how, and he can't help but take your hands to brush your knuckles against his lips. "and now i am so glad to know that these wrote all that."

23 notes · View notes

kyotarou · 3 years

Note

One bed scenario for izuku, shouto, tamaki and dabi? I really liked the last one

characters: izuku midoriya, shoto todoroki, tamaki amajiki, dabi

plot (deku, shoto, & tamaki): you’re invited to a weekend getaway for a class celebration, but some miscalculations lead to some awkward situations

warnings: mild swearing

a/n: since dabi isn’t part of u.a. the plot for his scenario will be explained below :) also this is a bit long i apologize if it’s a lot to read

part 1

Izuku Midoriya

Class 1-A takes a trip to Kyoto during the spring when the cherry blossoms have bloomed and the city is pink

Everyone is free to do as they please as long as they meet back at the hotel by a certain time or else everyone is going to assume they were kidnapped

Deku’s excited cause he’s never gone on a trip with all his friends like this before

He’s the type of person to have a backpack full of water, snacks, money, and a map with a ton of places marked off

Drags you by the wrist all over the city and manages to cross off all the spots on the map with enough time to squeeze in some extra destinations

At the end of the day, you and Deku head up to the room you decided to share, exhausted and ready to sleep until noon

Upon opening the door, you both do a double-take

“Uh, Izuku, am I seeing things, or is there only one bed?”

“Nope, there’s only one.”

“Um, I guess one of us could take the floor?”

Neither you or Deku actually want to sleep on the floor, but you don’t want to come off as rude, so you play a game of, “No, I will,” until it gets too tiring

“Let’s just share, yeah?”

“Oh, (Y/N), are you sure?”

“Well, we’re not getting anywhere aren’t we?”

He’s trying his best to not seem flustered as you crawl into bed next to him

It’s not as uncomfortable as you thought, but you’re worried about Deku and how he looks like he’s about to have a heart attack

You scoot to the edge of the bed with your back to him, hoping it makes things less awkward, and fall asleep

You wake up to the sound of rustling and try to get up to check the time but something’s holding you back

You look down to see Deku’s arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you tight, while his lips brush against your neck, murmuring your name in his sleep

Your face heats up and you realize staying like this for the rest of the day isn’t so bad

Shoto Todoroki

You hang out with your friends but grow tired quickly and decide to head back to the hotel early and relax at the spa

You’re surprised to see Shoto in the spa house too, towel draped over his shoulder, no shirt, with shorts on

It makes your heart race and cheeks burn with embarrassment because holy fuck does your crush look good right now

He’s super chill about it and thinks your red face is from the steam of the hot tub or the sauna

“Hello, (Y/N), why aren’t you out with the others?”

“Oh, um, I was getting tired and just wanted to relax.”

“I see. Well, care to join me?” He hangs the towel on a hook and settles into the hot tub

You’re standing there, legs shaking, realizing you’re going to have to strip in front of him

Shoto stares at you expectantly and sees you hesitating

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. I’ll look away.”

After taking off your clothes, swimsuit underneath, you get in beside him

It’s a bit tense at first, but soon you loosen up and have some good, interesting conversations

At bedtime, Iida is listing out the pairs and the room numbers and you hear him say, “(L/N) and Todoroki, room 207.”

“Huh?! Iida, are you sure? I was supposed to be with Denki!”

“Hm, it says Denki’s with Sero on the list. You two must’ve gotten mixed up, I apologize. Will you be okay or do you want to switch?”

“I’m fine with it, how about you (Y/N)?”

You feel like you’re going to collapse because your crush just agreed to be in the same room as you, but you nod a little too excitedly and take the elevator up

As if the day couldn’t get any better worse, there’s only one bed in your room

Even Shoto is a bit taken aback but, being the responsible boy he is, he offers to request a different room, or at least bring a cot up

Without thinking, you blurt out, “What if we shared?” and your whole body stiffens in embarrassment

Surprisingly, Shoto isn’t opposed to it, but he asks if you’re 100% with it first, then gets into bed

His body is cold next to yours and you shiver a little too violently, back turned to him

Shoto takes notice and you feel his breath on the back of your neck. “Sorry, let me warm you up.”

He uses his Quirk and heats up the bed, and although you know it’s an innocent gesture, your mind can’t help but wander elsewhere

“Oh, um, thank you,” you whisper, relaxing in the warmth

“Of course.”

Little did you know, Shoto’s heart was beating a mile a minute, because he too didn’t want to scare his crush—you

Tamaki Amajiki

Tamaki stays in the hotel the entire day

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with his friends; he’s afraid of getting lost or doing something to mess up the trip for his classmates

You stay with Tamaki in his room, chatting about whatever comes to mind

“Are you sure you want to stay? I don’t want to hold you back.”

“It’s alright, we have two days left anyway. I like being with you, Tamaki!”

He hides the blush growing on his face and you smile because of how cute he looks

Tamaki’s room only has one bed, which isn’t surprising, since it was noted one person would need to be alone due to the odd number of students

Problem was it wasn’t stated who would be alone

As you’re exploring his room, gawking at the view from the window and all the cool little knickknacks, you throw open the closet doors and freeze when you see your stuff

“Huh? Why is this here? Tamaki, did you take my bag on accident?”

“Ah, no! I only brought my stuff up, someone must’ve put it there by mistake.”

You call Nejire and ask about the rooms

“Hmm, it seems like you and Tamaki must’ve been given the same room. Sorry for not checking it over, do you want to be moved?”

“Ah, it’s fine, I guess.”

You and Tamaki try to go back to your conversation but you can tell how nervous he is since night is approaching quickly

Bedtime comes and Tamaki nearly screams when he feels your body pressed against his

Guilt washes over you; “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked. I’ll go down and get a cot.”

As you’re about to slip out from under the covers, Tamaki suddenly grabs your arm and buries his face in his pillow

“Uhm, (Y/N), i-it’s okay. Y-You can stay, uhm, ah-”

He opens one eye and quickly shuts it, pressing himself so far into the pillow you swear he’s going to suffocate

Confused, you look around, but there’s nothing in the room beside you two in the dark

It hits you— “Tamaki, are you… scared of the dark?”

“What, no! I-I-”

He lets out a little squeak when you stroke his hair, face inches from his

“It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dabi

You were a vigilante, an anti-hero who believed in helping others but despised the flashiness and celebrity status of pro heroes

Your Quirk, Feline, which gave you the characteristics of a cat, allowed you to work in the comfort of darkness where it was difficult to catch you

You rarely got injured due to your agility, but this night, your target had a Quirk that allowed them to see in the darkness, and left you stumbling down the street with a gash in your side

“Rough night, little kitty?”

Dabi stands under a streetlamp with a smirk

You and Dabi weren’t friends by any means, but you held a certain level of respect for him; part of it was so he wouldn’t cremate you

“Shut up,” you scowl. “I’m perfectly fine- hrgh.”

You press your hand over the wound, blood slipping past your fingers

Suddenly, Dabi throws you over his shoulder, your head knocking against his back as he carries you to his place

“What the fuck- Put me down!”

He lays you on the bed, uncharacteristically gentle, and cleans your wound with a towel

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not gonna let my little kitty walk around like this.”

Dabi covers your wound with a bandage and throws the blanket over you

It’s past midnight and you’re getting sleepy, but you realize you’ve taken up all the space on the bed

Plus, it’d be kind of weird to crash at the place of the man you barely know

“I’ll go then, thanks for the help.”

He pushes your shoulder and you fall against the pillows

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Home?”

“Not like that, kitty.” He circles around to the other side

“Where are you gonna sleep? There’s only one bed.”

“So?”

Dabi flops onto the mattress and slings one arm around your shoulders, tugging you close— “Go to sleep, kitty.”

Unable to move from the pain and his grip, you have no choice but to snuggle close

Despite his casual demeanor, your heightened sense of hearing amplified the rapid beating of his heart

A smile spreads across your face; this is gonna be great blackmail

745 notes · View notes

cakesunflower · 3 years

Text

a court of golden shadows: elain archeron and azriel endgame

so this is like an 11 page paper i wrote on why i think Elain Archeron and Azriel from Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses are endgame. i made a joke on twitter that i’d write a proper MLA format styled paper on them because i love them so much and a bunch of my moots convinced me to do it so here i am.

this is for the Elriel lovers like myself. if you read it, which you don’t have to, please refrain from commenting anything negative. everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and this whole essay is just my opinion on it. so if you read, i hope you enjoy!!

keep in mind, it’s LONG.

A Court of Golden Shadows: Elain Archeron and Azriel Endgame

Sarah J. Maas’s fantasy series A Court of Thorns and Roses displays epic, world-shattering love stories among the thrilling action and fantastical elements present throughout the novels, as seen in the romance between Feyre Archeron and Rhysand and, most recently, Nesta Archeron and Cassian. Two sisters have already accepted and embraced the (so-called) rare mating bond with their respective counterparts, yet the question remains on what is to happen with the middle sister, Elain Archeron, who apparently has a mating bond of her own with Lucien Vanserra, but has not, for two books and a novella, made any indication of accepting it. However, Elain, in her quiet, gentle way, has shown to be more attentive towards the Night Court’s resident Shadowsinger and Spymaster, Azriel. Who, in turn, has notably started to move on from a five-century long love harbored for another female and gravitating towards the last remaining Archeron sister.

It can be said that the concept of the three Archeron sisters all ending up with the three Illyrian males is a cliché, but if done right, they can capture the reader in their grasp—one that no one would want to get out of. Taking a look at the novels, particularly starting from the second book, A Court of Mist and Fury, since this is where Azriel’s character is introduced, it is difficult to ignore the fact that Maas has been laying the groundwork for Elain and Azriel—or Elriel, as I will refer to them throughout this paper—to be a couple from the moment they met, whether these hints are subtle or obvious. In chapter 24 of ACOMAF where Feyre, the Illyrian faes, and her sisters have dinner together, we see tentative interactions between Elain and Azriel, despite the two of them having just met and Elain, as a mortal who grew up with stories of the terrors of faeries, seems to look towards the spymaster more. The first glimpse of their interaction, no matter how small, is shown on pages 253-254 when “a faint smile bloomed upon Azriel’s mouth as he noticed Elain’s fingers white-knuckled on that fork”. Though this moment can be overlooked, it is only the first of many oncoming moments of Azriel noticing Elain and her actions, a subtle hint of the spymaster’s attention towards Elain. The focus of attention is returned when Elain then turns to Azriel a few pages later, wanting to know more about their ability to fly, even so far as going to say “That’s very beautiful” when Azriel describes Illyrians as being “born hearing the song of the wind” (256-257). Additionally, there are two moments in this particular chapter where Elain, in some semblance, looks towards Azriel as a way of relaxing herself. The first is noted when Azriel’s attention is said to be on Elain, and he offers her a “polite, bland smile”, and Feyre notices how Elain’s “shoulders loosened a bit” in response to it (256). Rather than looking towards Feyre for indicators during an unexpected dinner with faeries, Elain seems to be more drawn to looking at Azriel, which is shown once again in the following passage: “Rhys chuckled, Cassian’s wrath slipping enough that he grinned, and Elain, noticing Azriel’s ease as proof that things weren’t indeed about to go badly, offered one of her own as well” (258). Elain tends to check everyone’s reactions to the circumstances to determine the levels of tension in the atmosphere, but she truly seems to be put at ease when she notices Azriel’s own relaxed state, once again indicating the attention she pays to him from the moment they met.

The first three books in Maas’s series are told through Feyre’s perspective, so it can be said that our perception of and desire for Elain and Azriel getting together is skewed because of the point of view we are given. I, however, consider this to be a moot point because Feyre’s character is the type to notice everything around her. She comes to grow close to both Azriel and Cassian, and with Elain being her sister, the reader can depend on Feyre as being as much of a reliable narrator to tell us exactly what she sees and how she sees it. With this in mind, some of the examples given will be from Feyre’s own musings, but it is important to note that she, more than once, groups Elain and Azriel together. This is shown when, in chapter 49, Feyre is distracting Rhysand as she tries to take care of his wounds and muses about her sisters visiting Velaris. There, Feyre mentions to Rhysand, “I think Elain—Elain would like it, too. Though she’d probably cling to Azriel, just to have some peace and quiet”, before proceeding to think to herself—and the reader, “I smiled at the thought—at how handsome they would be together” (487). Of course, this observation is followed by the acknowledgement of Azriel quietly loving Mor, as he has for centuries, yet what we don’t know, during this, that this wouldn’t remain an issue for long.

Moving on to focus on the third installment of the series, A Court of Wings and Ruin, there is a solemnity surrounding Elain, who, at the end of the second novel, was forcefully turned into fae against her will. After the transformation, Elain has become a shell of who she used to be, trapped in a state of deep mourning of the humanity she lost, of the love of her fiancé she inevitably lost, too. She doesn’t eat nor does she speak to anyone, an empty yet no less beautiful version of herself as her Cauldron given powers, unbeknownst to everyone else, manifest. But even in her state, in her indifference towards her mate Lucien and yearning for her human fiancé Graysen, Elain managed to acknowledge Azriel. He is gentle with her, much like everyone else, as he carries her into the townhouse, smiles, inquires if she’d like for him to show her the garden. And although he stands tall, intimidating in his fighting leathers and large wings, Elain does not recoil from him in fear or shyness. Instead, she takes the arm he offers her and, although it is unsure if she is looking at his Siphon or his scarred hands, she still utters “Beautiful” in response to him (254). Even when life has unexpectedly turned bleak for Elain, even when the world loses its color in the aftermath of the trauma she suffered, in that moment, there was a glimpse of who she used to be as she found beauty in nothing but Azriel.

This same chapter is followed by an insightful conversation between Feyre and Rhysand, triggered by Feyre watching her sister and Azriel. Feyre notes how at odds Azriel looks sitting in the garden next to Elain in his armor, yet she still questions, “Why not make them mates?” (257). This spurs a significant conversation between the High Lord and High Lady, where readers are given some more history on mating bonds and introduced to the prevailing concept of rejected bonds. Rhys provides examples of ill-chosen bonds, such as his parents, who were mates yet their relationship was not ideal in the least. Here, we are told that sometimes fate, the Mother, whatever chooses two mates can be wrong in its pairings, and it is rare for the bond to bring together “true, paired souls” (258) like Feyre and Rhysand. It has been established that the female can reject the bond, and while the male may feel the tug of it, it’s their burden to push through it. Maas spends an entire page or so talking about the concept of ill-chosen or rejected bonds, so it would be naive to look over these details if they weren’t placed in the storyline for a reason. Elain and Lucien may be mates, and Azriel (at least currently within the book) may be in love with Mor, but the idea of free will is not something to be so easily dismissed. Elain already had the choice of her humanity, her mortality, ripped away from her—it’s doubtful she would let this pattern continue.

In chapter 24 of A Court of Wings and Ruin, when Elain is having her first conversation with Lucien, she states, “No one ever looked—not really” (252), and although here she is referencing Graysen, this statement comes around a few chapters later. In chapter 27, Elain walks in on a conversation amongst the Inner Circle, and Azriel was the first to step forward as he noticed something amiss. His observations and questions when he says to her, “[But] you heard something else” and “What did you see” indicate that he, unlike Feyre and Nesta, believes that Elain’s riddled musings have a deeper meaning and need to be heard. The scene ends with Feyre looking to Azriel, noticing that his “hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away” (287). Azriel didn’t brush off what Elain said, because while her sisters thought Elain had gone mad, Azriel listened to her—he looked. He looked past her “too-thin body” and read between the lines of what she said, and knew there was more than what meets the eye. He looked, which was exactly what Elain had wanted.

This is repeated in chapter 32, when Elain brings up another queen and no one is quite sure what she’s talking about, except for Azriel, who steps forward and gently prods Elain to elaborate. Even Lucien watches Elain warily, questioning if they need to help her, yet Azriel is firm in his assessment that Elain doesn’t need help, that they need to be the ones who need to listen, before ultimately determining that she does, in fact, have powers and is established to be a seer. So while Lucien “stared and stared at [Elain], as if he’d never seen her before”, it was Azriel who actually looked at her and saw what no one else was seeing, whose acknowledgment of her gift and the attention he brought to it from everyone else “freed her from whatever murky realm she’d been in” (336).

The idea of Azriel truly looking at Elain transitions into him looking for her, too. But first, another example of the former is seen in chapter 63, when Feyre, Nesta, and Amren hear the call of the cauldron in the middle of the night. They wonder about it, question why they three heard it because they were Made, not noticing that another who was Made was missing from their group. That is, until, Azriel asks, “What about Elain?” (560), and he is moving alongside the sisters to inspect Elain’s tent, only to find her missing. Azriel notices Elain—whether she is present or not. And so the concept of Azriel looking for Elain is introduced when they are discussing Elain’s rescue from Hybern in the following scene:

“From the shadows near the entrance to the tent, Azriel said, as if in answer to some unspoken debate, “I’m getting her back.”

Nesta slid her gaze to the shadowsinger. Azriel’s hazel eyes glowed golden in the shadows.

Nesta said, “Then you will die.”

Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”” (563).

There was no hesitation on Azriel’s part in being the one to get Elain back, but there was obvious rage, as noted, in his gaze at the very idea of Elain having been kidnapped. A silent, lethal aura surrounds the shadowsinger that can be so clearly picked out within that scene, showcasing Azriel’s unwavering determination in returning Elain, even if it meant slipping into the heart of enemy camps—especially if it meant that. And throughout the dangers and urgency of this particular mission, when they do reach Elain, Azriel takes a moment to be tender towards her as he “gently removed the gag from her mouth” (573) and asks if she’s hurt. Elain, in turn, is shown to be “devouring the sight of him, as if not quite believing it” before she says “You came for me” (573). Elain looks at Azriel in wonder and disbelief, and this reaction hints towards how she feels drawn towards him. In their very first meeting during the dinner in the Archeron house, Elain looks to Azriel for reassurance, for judgement of the situation, and in the event of her rescue, she finds that same kind of comfort on a far more intense level. Because here, he truly is her rescuer, appearing in front of her to save her from the dangerous hands of their enemies and bring her to safety. And Azriel, in this sense, is devoted to her, holding up his fierce promising of getting her back. Even when he was injured, Azriel held onto Elain, refusing to let her go even while getting shot at and chased, and when they landed in their own camps, the first thing he claimed was for someone to get the chains off of her, rather than even mentioning his own injuries. This just reminds us of ACOMAF when Elain was being dragged to the cauldron and Azriel wasn’t even conscious to witness it—there is no doubt that if he was awake—and uninjured—he would’ve done all he could to save her. Maas robbed us of that type of scene.

Furthermore, evolving from the concept of Azriel rescuing Elain, we get another significant scene between the two of them that displays the kind of trust these two characters smoothly and effortlessly developed. On top of Elain accepting Azriel’s offers of taking her to the garden, a silent indicator that his company was one she enjoyed, Azriel shows a great act of trust to Elain as well when, in chapter 69, he offered her the use of his beloved knife, Truth-Teller. This blade is Azriel’s most prized possession, and to offer it to Elain to bring her the same kind of comfort and safety that we have seen she finds in Azriel himself portrays the trust he has in her—and his desire to protect her. This is emphasized when Rhys tells Feyre, “Never. . . I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife” (610). Even Cassian was stunned that Azriel would let someone else use Truth-Teller, which is significant to note given that he has not let even Cassian nor Rhys—his brothers he has known for centuries—even touch it. And Elain, who had refused to take the knife Cassian had offered her, ends up accepting Truth-Teller—because it’s Azriel’s, and because through the short time she’s known him, he is someone she has poured her trust into and understands he wouldn’t lead her astray. And he didn’t, for it was Elain who “stepped out of a shadow” (653) and used that very same blade to kill the King of Hybern. A temporary gift, given from Azriel, that she used to put an end to one of the greatest threats to both the human and faerie realms.

In the post-war novella A Court of Frost and Starlight, Maas furthers the Elriel endgame agenda by continuing both subtle and blatant hints in their favor—and not just through actual interactions between the two. The concept of Azriel avoiding Lucien because of his mating bond with Elain is important to remember, for it will come back around later. But in this novella, we see it when Rhysand asks Azriel if he keeps an eye on Lucien, given that he is the spymaster. Azriel, in turn, informs him that he does not track his movements, because “He is Elain’s mate” and “It would be an invasion of her privacy to track him”, which Rhysand, since this is shown from his perspective, notes is because Azriel does not want to be aware of if and when Lucien seeks out Elain, and what they do together—if they do anything at all, given Elain’s tendencies to utterly ignore Lucien (70). Rhysand questions Azriel’s motives on this, but doesn’t get a response, but there is an understanding of Azriel’s intentions behind it. Not only does he want to remain ignorant of the forced bond between Elain and Lucien, but a big motivator for him is also Elain’s privacy, which he doesn’t want to intrude on—ironic, given that he is a spy, and it’s his job to know of others’ movements and thoughts.

Another example of Azriel very subtly showing his blossoming feelings towards Elain is when he unforgivingly states that if Lucien were to kill Elain’s ex-fiancé, then “good riddance” (71). He was well aware of how Graysen treated Elain after finding out she was fae, is the one who sits with her in the gardens because he is a comforting presence for her in the face of mourning, so he understands her. This idea is repeated in Azriel’s bonus chapter in A Court of Silver Flames, when Rhysand catches Azriel almost about to kiss Elain—that is definitely to be unpacked later—and warns him that Lucien has the right to invoke a Blood Duel to defend the mating bond, and Azriel does not hesitate, is confident, when he retorts that he would easily defeat Lucien, would have no problem in pulling Elain out of a bond she doesn’t even want.

The novella also includes some more obvious, sweet moments between Elain and Azriel, ones that show Elain’s own growing interest and feelings towards Azriel. Like in chapter 12, when Feyre notes that when Azriel enters the room, she feels Elain freeze at the sight of him, and then Elain proceeds to be almost in a trance when Azriel, after she greets him, moves towards her and takes the heavy dish of potatoes from her hands and says he’ll take care of it for her (105). This scene then continues when Elain hurries off to make herself more presentable, and rather than letting others dive into the food, Azriel stops Cassian from putting food on his plate and all but commands him to “wait until everyone is seated before eating” (106). Rhysand informs Feyre that this sudden reaction from Azriel stemmed from the treatment his mother received as a near servant, but it can also be tied to how Azriel keeps aware of Elain and the recurring theme of looking after her in any way. He notices her, just as she notices him, a subtle way of this being present in Elain’s solstice gift to Azriel. She doesn’t get a gift for Lucien, her mate, but does get one for Azriel, one that makes him laugh in a way that, Feyre notes, she’s never heard before. A genuine sort of joy breaking the cold, indifferent mask of the shadowsinger as he accepts and cherishes the gift Elain gave him—the extent of which we see in his bonus chapter, where it is revealed that he looks at the small vial every night before going to sleep, a not-so-subtle showing that Elain is the last thought on his mind before he descends into slumber.

This notion of the two of them looking after one another in their own ways is again repeated in A Court of Silver Flames in the following passage on page 221:

Azriel smirked. “You and Nesta are wanted down there.”

“Because of the shit with Elain?”

Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?”

Cassian waved a hand. “A fight with Nesta. Don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened.

Throughout the friendship they have formed, Azriel becomes a kind of protector of Elain’s, deriving from her being a part of their Inner Circle as well as the notion of Azriel’s own personal feelings for her. He is so obviously shown as going on the defense at the news of Elain getting into any kind of fight, of Elain potentially being hurt. It’s repeated on page 233 when Elain and Nesta are arguing, and after Nesta utters a nasty comment that lands on Elain like a blow, there is an acknowledgement of the “shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike”. The shadows, of course, are Azriel’s, ready to jump between the sisters and defend Elain from Nesta’s verbal attack, to once again be her protector.

Of course, we can’t forget that Elain has a mate in Lucien, and how it seems to offer the enticing forbidden love trope between her and Azriel. We see a hint of it in A Court of Wings and Ruin, when in chapter 24, Lucien can scent where Elain had gone off to and who she’d gone with, in this case having it be Azriel, and he’d nearly snarled until Rhysand assured him that Azriel wasn’t the “ravishing type” (254)—although I think we can all agree that he most likely is, but wouldn’t even dream of it in terms of the state Elain was in at the time. Maybe it is the mating bond or maybe it’s both Elain and Azriel’s quiet personalities—or perhaps a combination of the two—but the shyness that has them looking at each other and then looking away continues. On page 467 of A Court of Silver Flames, Cassian notes how Elain nods shyly towards Azriel, who in turn offers her a small smile that she quickly looked away from, prompting Cassian to be puzzled as he wondered, “Lucien was certainly not here to snarl at any male who looked at her for too long”. Elain doesn’t look away from Azriel because of the bond, but perhaps because she is well aware of her feelings for him and, for the moment, is too shy for them to be known, especially by Azriel.

The mating bond between Elain and Lucien does serve as a barrier between her and Azriel, though. This is particularly present during the Winter Solstice, when a layer of Azriel’s character specifically has been peeled back to show his feelings for Elain. Like on page 597, when Elain is laughing at Nesta, the older Archeron sister notes that “Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it”. And if that wasn’t enough, Nesta watches as Azriel’s “gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting”. This is perhaps the most prominent moment of both of their feelings being reciprocated by the other, because Nesta notices the way they look at one another, as if they both see past the person they put in front of everyone else and truly see the other. And even Nesta understands that there is something deeper between the two, even if they themselves haven’t figured it out yet, when she approaches Azriel where he stands by the doorway and, when asked why he doesn’t sit, responds with a “pretty lie” of his shadows not liking the fire. But Nesta looks to where Elain is the one sitting by the fire, and why Azriel chooses to stand as far as he can, because it is “his secret to tell. Never hers” (600). Just like that, Nesta is aware of Azriel’s feelings for her sister and, perhaps, her subtle way of comforting him was her showing her approval.

We get a deeper insight of this scene in Azriel’s bonus chapter—an entire chapter that allows readers to see exactly how he feels about Elain, and that she returns those feelings, too. It is confirmed that Azriel stands by the doorway, away from Elain, because Lucien is in the same room, and the sight and scent of their mating bond is one that Azriel cannot stand. Because the female he feels deeply for, according to fate, “belongs” to another male and he needs to put distance between himself and the two of them when they’re in the same room. Yet, the mating bond doesn’t prevent Azriel from thinking of Elain, from fantasizing about her every night. He goes from being shown as relieved when Rhys tells him he doesn’t have to buy the sisters presents for the Winter Solstice in A Court of Frost and Starlight, to actively buying her a beautiful flower necklace that she would no doubt love. Their secret exchanging of gifts leads to an epic, steamy, full-of-yearning almost first kiss that shows so clearly that Azriel’s feelings for Elain aren’t unrequited, that she, just like him, is desperate to give into what’s been brewing between them for so long. Yet it’s all cut short when Rhys interrupts Azriel, reminding him of a mating bond that Azriel’s painfully aware of—and confidently willing to pull Elain away from if Lucien decides to invoke the Blood Duel. Azriel’s questioning of the cauldron, wondering why it picked three sisters and had two of them end up with his brothers while the last remaining one was mated to another, is not him declaring that he has a right to Elain. This is him questioning the powers and forces that no one truly understands, this is him questioning from a place of heartbreak, wondering why, yet again, he was the one left behind. It happened when his father imprisoned him, forcing Azriel to delay in his training as an Illyrian, it happened when the female he spent centuries loving never once returned the same kind of love, and now it’s happening again. Azriel does not believe he deserves Elain—it goes against his character, because he is self-deprecating, does not think he truly deserves anything good and worthy. He is simply questioning why his choice doesn’t ever seem to matter, and why Elain is yet again left having her decisions being taken away from her.

Because the matter of choice is a prevalent, significant theme for the two of them. For Elain, she was never allowed to truly make a choice in her life. Her mother’s death, her family falling into poverty, turning into High Fae, losing Graysen, the mating bond, her father’s death—these were all huge, significant life changing moments that she had no say in and was forced to endure, completely upending who she was and how she lived. But there is one choice Elain can make, and that is to reject the mating bond with Lucien. There are so many examples throughout the books where Elain turns away from Lucien; she doesn’t express any interest in him—it’s like he doesn’t even exist to her. There is utter indifference on her end, despite any effort made by Lucien, and that in itself is Elain choosing to all but formally reject the bond, however that may come about. There is a moment in A Court of Wings and Ruin in chapter 54 when Elain, while pleading with Graysen, claims, “I belong to no one. My heart belongs to you” (498). Of course, Azriel has nothing to do with what Elain was saying at the time, but her declaration of this speaks to her character and how dearly she holds onto the idea of being with someone of her own choosing, with someone she loves. This can further be developed into the idea that although fate, the cauldron, the Mother may have chosen Lucien for Elain—a pairing that can, ultimately, be ill-chosen—Elain would not give it the time of day unless it’s what her heart wants. And from what we have seen so far, her heart wants Azriel. She chooses Azriel over Lucien, and that holds significant weight to her and, I imagine eventually, to Azriel as well.

Azriel, who has not been other people’s choice. Azriel, who was imprisoned by his own father, who was rejected by the Illyrians. Azriel, who has spent five centuries loving Mor, who will never love him the way he did her. And it’s saying something, isn’t it, that he has finally stopped yearning for her, and that it was Elain who he is enraptured by? Even Cassian noted that the way Azriel used to look at Mor have become few and far in between, telling the audience that the spymaster has finally begun to move on, or already has, from Mor. And Elain wanting to kiss Azriel confirms to him, in particular, that he is her choice as well. And she is his, as further confirmed when Azriel tells Rhys he has no problem engaging in the Blood Duel with Lucien if it means freeing Elain from a bond she doesn’t want, and allowing them both to dive into the choices they clearly want to make.

Truthfully, there are many examples throughout the books where I can talk about Elain rejecting Lucien. She cringed away from the very first time he touches her in ACOMAF—though, granted, it happens right after she comes out of the cauldron. She is unsettled when Lucien tugs on their bond, saying that it felt as though he pulled on a thread connecting to a rib, which sounds painful and nothing like the comforting bond readers have seen between Feyre and Rhys. Elain doesn’t buy Lucien any presents for solstice, and the first present he got her, gardening gloves to prevent her hands from tearing, are ones she doesn’t use. Because she would much rather feel her hands get torn up while she’s working in her garden, uncaring if they scar, which in turn is a reminder of Azriel’s scarred hands and how she found them beautiful. And for those who wonder about Azriel giving the necklace he got for Elain to Gwyn, it is important to note that he tells Clotho to give it to any priestess who would want it, and merely mentions Gwyn by name because he trained her, because he was the one who rescued her after an attack, and she is the one he knows most familiarly by name because of it. At the end of it, Azriel only wanted the necklace gone because he didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to remember that the female he wants, wants him back just as much, but he was all but forbidden to pursue her. Once again, a choice that was taken away from him, and giving the necklace away is far easier than keeping it and remembering how he couldn’t be with Elain. At least for now.

Throughout the novels, there are many symbols that hint towards Elain and Azriel being together, but that is a paper for another day. This one’s goal was to simply point out the many physical and emotional indicators of the way the two of them are drawn to one another, despite the obstacles that are thrown their way—the biggest one being the mating bond no one asked for. There is comfort in the relationship they have, an ease you wouldn’t expect someone with Elain’s light to find in Azriel’s darkness. He offers her comfort in shy smiles and soft looks, and Elain does the same for him, which we see in the act of his shadows disappearing around her. These very shadows provided him comfort when he needed them, were his friends in his prison, and them leaving him when Elain is around is a sign of the contentment Azriel feels, because he doesn’t have to protect himself in her presence. Azriel loved Mor, and it has been noted that he lights up when she is around, and Elain is the only other person he reacts similarly to—because Elain is who he wants now that he has moved on from Mor. It’s important, isn’t it, that Elain is who pulls Azriel away from the centuries-long love he’d been lost in? That she is who he looks for, thinks about, wonders after?

Elain has found comfort in Azriel’s darkness, and he has found peace in her light, and so how could they not defy what’s been expected of them and rewrite fate to fit the choices they make themselves?

311 notes · View notes

lancermylove · 3 years

Text

Geostigma (Oneshot)

Fandom: FFVII

Pairing: Rufus x fem!Reader

Warning: None

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Ff7 Rufus oneshot request please!!! ACRufus with geostigma. He was once high and mighty but now is a hot shot president who’s fallen from grace. He’s really sick with geostigma (not terminally but needs to act like it is). Scenario of the girl he’s been secretly pining over volunteering at the recovery unit he’s staying at. He’s super conflicted because he wants to talk to her but at the same time doesn’t want her to see him like this. He also doesn’t want to expose his identity as shinras president and doesn’t want to lie to her pretending to be terminally ill with geostigma even though he is legimately suffering from it. What do you think??? Hope this works and makes sense!!! All good if you can’t do it though!!!

A/N: Anon, this was one of the most challenging pieces I’ve written. Keeping Rufus in character while showing his soft side was an enjoyable challenge, so tysm for sending in this request! 😁 I really hope you like it~.

Word Count: 1967

———————————————

In this place, status didn't matter - the rich, poor, females, males, old, young, and kids were all suffering in equal agony. The stigma didn't discriminate. Shinra had grown tired of seeing the same view every day. White walls, white beds, white machines - who chose this design? He couldn't have been more thankful for the hooded cloak, as the darkness had never felt so comforting. For the longest time, the president only saw the world in two colors, white of the recovery bay and black within his hood. That is until you came around and added color to his colorless world.

After losing a dear friend to the stigma, you became a volunteer at that facility. You had seen your friend suffering and wanted to help others, even if it means only making them smile. Though that may not seem much, you knew a smile meant the world to a person who was suffering. For the longest time, Rufus watched you, curious as to why you wanted to volunteer, considering most volunteers were older men or women and military personnel. You seemed like nothing less than a rose in the middle of a battlefield.

Slowly, he noticed the change in the recovery bay - the atmosphere seemed a lot brighter, even more so than the blinding whiteness of the room. Was it your effect? You brought thoughtful gifts for your patients, made them feel comfortable, and gave them the energy to push through their pain. Were people really like this or were you just an angel?

In Shinra's world, the word kindness didn't exist. His father taught him to control the world with money, but he changed money to fear. After observing you, he realized that even kindness could control the emotions of people. The blond-haired man chuckled to himself - what a twisted way to look at a positive emotion. He was sure if you heard his thoughts, you would hate him.

"Hm?" Shinra was surprised at his revelation. Why did he care what you thought about him? Never once in his life had he cared for what people thought about him - had he cared, he would not have committed such nefarious deeds. How peculiar.

That night as everyone slept, Shinra pushed his wheelchair to the only window in the large room. Though there were no visible stars, the moon shone proudly through a veil of ominous clouds. Rufus wasn't sure why he was having such a difficult time sleeping. Was it the constant throbbing from the infected area, or was it due to the heavy yet sweet pain weighing down on his chest?

"You are still awake?" He heard a shaky voice coming from the bed on his right. The voice belonged to the oldest patient in the room - the man that didn't much time left in this accursed world.

Shinra didn't reply, prompting the man to continue talking, "Seems like something is bothering you."

"Tell me, have you felt an indescribable feeling that is troublesome yet pleasant?"

The elderly man laughed softly and turned his body towards the wheelchair, "That feeling is generally associated with love."

"I don't have the luxury to love," his dry chuckle echoed inside his hood. "I hail from a world where I am cursed to sit on a throne, surrounded by naught by darkness."

"Child, no one lives in a world like that."

Shinra turned his head slightly in the direction of the man and said, "You would not say such words if you knew my identity."

"You are Rufus Shinra," the old man mumbled under his breath, not wanting any prying ears to hear. "I never agreed with your methods or ways. I also blame your company for harming the Lifestream as well as the people."

He paused for a moment and exhaled softly, "Sitting on a lonely throne surrounded by the dark was your choice. The only way to get rid of the darkness is to open the curtain and let the light flood inside. Take some advice from an experienced old man: love while you have the chance. I know this sounds cliche, but there is nothing better than being with the person you love. Nothing will bring you more joy, not money, manipulation, and sitting on an expensive throne."

"Seems as though you have loved before."

The white-haired man closed his eyes and forced a smile, "I did but never told her. I left gifts and notes for her, and by the time I gathered enough courage, it was too late. She was engaged to someone else."

Shinra didn't need to look at the man to know he was in pain. Another sigh escaped his quivering lips as the he continued his tale, "I eventually got married and was lucky to have a kind wife. Though I learned to love her, I was not able to fully give my heart to her. That is the only regret I have. If only I could tell her how I felt about her..."

"Where is she?" Rufus asked, unsure as to why he was interested in the man's story.

"Somewhere far away," he promptly replied and changed the topic. "Mr. President, give that young woman you love a chance. Even if she rejects you, you won't regret hiding your feeling."

"Would any woman wish to be with a man in my current state?"

"She won't mind, especially if you manage to win her heart. Besides, she is a kind woman, and if she was the type to judge, then she would not be here helping us," he chuckled, knowingly.

Shinra laughed, not caring if his voice woke the others, "You are quite a sharp man."

The old male grinned, "Now, get some rest, and let this aged man sleep."

The following day, as Rufus debated whether or not to tell you, he heard rushing footsteps of the doctors and nurses. Within a few minutes, numerous people gathered around the elderly man's bed - the same man he had a conversation with the previous night. Silence filled the entire room, except for the occasional beeping of the heart monitors.

Shinra watched from under his hood as one of the doctors pulled a white sheet over the man's face before transporting his body out on a stretcher.

"Rest well, old man," he whispered, letting the words disappear into the darkness of his hood.

You dragged yourself into the room with a heavy heart. It didn't take a genius to deduce the reason behind your downcast mood. Rufus quietly watched you trying your best to smile and cheer up the other patients. When you came to check on him, he observed you for a moment before taking hold of your hand. "It's alright to be sad."

You stared at him speechlessly, not only surprised that he saw through your façade but also because this was the first time he spoke to you. Averting your eyes, you whispered in a drained voice, "I can't let the others see me sad."

"I care not for the others...only you."

Your eyes widened by his unexpected words. "W-Why?"

Rufus stayed silent for a bit as he recalled his conversation with the old man.

"Mr. President, give that young woman you love a chance. Even if she rejects you, you won't regret hiding your feeling."

"Would any woman wish to be with a man in my current state?"

"She won't mind, especially if you manage to win her heart. Besides, she is a kind woman, and if she was the type to judge, then she would not be here helping us."

"I have never felt such emotions, nor have I used such words, but," he whispered gently, surprising himself, "I have not met an angel before, but now, I know what an angel would look like. I wish the angel would learn to be selfish though and think about herself once in a while."

A giggle escaped your lips, "Mister, are you flirting with you, or do you like me?"

Shinra chuckled, keeping his head down as to prevent you from seeing his face, "I am merely trying to get you to smile, and it seemed to work. Also, I do not have the luxury to like anyone."

"Why do you say that?" You asked, confused.

"You would not be asking me such a question if you knew my identity."

"Rufus Shinra? The president of the Shinra Electric Power Company?"

Rufus was speechless, an occurrence that didn’t happen often. You gently squeezed his hand to get his attention and asked once again, "Why don't you have the luxury to love?"

"Miss, take a look around you. The Shinras are responsible for this - first my father, then I. Though I possess power and money, I lack a heart," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"You were trying to make me smile because I was sad, right? You empathized with me, so that means you have a heart."

Shinra chuckled, "Then let me ask, would you love a man with a dark past? A man who lacks humanity and is selfish."

"Mr. Shinra, are you asking me out?" You teased, not wanting to answer his question at that moment.

"And if I am?"

"Great. Where would you like to go?"

Under his hood, Rufus hid a rare expression - eyes wide, cheeks slightly red, and mouth ajar. Within moments, his laughter echoed through the room, surprising everyone. That was the first time in his life he has laughed openly; had you told him a year ago that one day he would laugh in such a manner, Rufus would have called you insane.

"You are truly a strange one."

You giggled in response but didn't say a word. Rufus wondered what you were silent as he couldn't see your expression from within the darkness. Bending down to his level, you cautiously brought your hands closer to him and lowered the cloth hiding his face. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw him; you had heard women mentioning that Rufus was a handsome man, but you weren't expecting him to be drop-dead sexy. Shinra stared at you with a smirk as your cheeks slowly started to glow red.

"My dear, are you not feeling well? Your cheeks seem a bit too red," he teased, earning a pout from you. "Do my bandages bother you?"

"You even make the bandages look good," you absentmindedly replied. "Uh...I mean-"

Before you could retract your statement or give clarifications, Rufus sealed your lips with his. Everyone in the room started clapping and cheering the two of you on. Though you were embarrassed, a warm smile danced on your lips. As you scanned the smiling faces of all the patients in the room, Rufus stared at the empty bed by the window.

--------------------

The two of you had been together for a while, and Shinra had made a full recovery. The situation in the city was improving, all thanks to the mysterious healing rain.

"Rufus, what are we doing here?" You asked as your wrapped your hands around his arm tightened.

"It will only be a moment," he chuckled and freed his arm from your tight grip before making his way to a dilapidated tombstone. Shinra placed a bouquet of white Forget-Me-Nots in front of the grave and whispered solemnly, "These are from a man who wished to tell you that he loved you dearly. His only regret in life was not confessing his feelings to you."

"Rufus?" You asked, taken aback by his words and actions.

"My dear, do you believe in the afterlife?" He questioned curiously.

"There has to be something after death, so yes."

The corners of his lips slightly tugged up, "Then I hope the old man was able to meet her and confess his feelings."

———————————————

➣ FFVII Masterlist ➣ Buy me a Ko-fi? ➣ Commission: Open || Requests: Closed

#ffvii #rufus x reader #rufus shinra

105 notes · View notes

captainkurosolaire · 3 years

Text

~ Mass Update ~

Mainly going into future plans and intents alongside ideas below cut.

Ton's of things I've in store this will prove difficult to vent it all out. But here we go... First off rehashing and appropriately learning to tag and organize things better on my blog. Each category will have their own corresponding content, I seek to bring or share. [Tales of Goldbrand] -- I intend this to carry a Compendium of all my writes soon that'll have everything neatly in-order including a glossary, so it'll have highlights of stories that even matter or the best stuff. I've written here for a very, long time, there's been many shifts. I want to make it more accessible. While coloring what matters for people who want to learn Captain or his Crew with less chapters. While also giving choice to find it all easily. This is essentially a step-above master-lists. I'll be doing that after the Saga I have going on, right now is done. [Captain] -- Will provide you strictly with Captain screenshots, gifs, photo-sets. This is still his blog despite the Crew thing's will sort of make this a scuffed Multi-Muse blog. I've few more things to edit and tag fix to get all his stuff though. [The Wild Crew] -- Afterwards this story is done Immortal Age Saga, It's something that I mainly wrote as a passion project within three days to get my warm-up process fixed. It's to allow me to get a feel for all his Crewmates and casts, in combat, in-general, to feel their presences. While also giving a bit of their backstories. At any point, I can go back and polish or tweak things in. They're NPC's but... not entirely. All will have their own 'Dreams' and their own 'Disapproval's' they have their own missions even. These things will factor eventually, they might set seeds, to betray or disagree with something, but that's all angst and more stories to be created, but overall, they'll probably always be Crew, eventually. -- I plan on making character-profile sheets of them and putting them in this Tab, it'll have their screenshots, their likes/dislikes. Some RP partners or people can also be shipped with them, but they'll all be monogamous and originally start off probably Pan. This allows them to figure out what they like on their own stories. I've always been someone who likes organic-flow. Although this one story contain all 16 characters or more, the rest will probably be shortened to a Squad of 4 and dispersed when on adventuring missions. Until I do a War Arc, that's my main goal to build too. [Roster] -- Will contain this Crew in just screen-sets dedicated to them, I'll probably randomly produce those. I've PC players among this Crew too. I may not be done either adding more, but this Crew is mainly built around Quality. Most pirate crew's mainly, have hundreds, thousands. Even Fleets. This Crew has personalities, monsters, people who are living life's that exist with piracy. He's an particular leader that had PC players the same way, he's had split-personality serial killers aboard, tribal chieftains, succubus, all sorts of various people once on a Crew. It's often an outcast style, pirates default are chaotic in nature, so this really isn't any different, it's a Fantasy version of it. There's humanization characters aboard too though, so this cast is really decked, everything and person is vital, they matter because they remind or covet something that others can draw upon. If ever played (Three Houses or Mass Effect / Dragon Age Origins) A lot of things like that are relatable too this structure and format. Which, Is something I want to be able to give when RPing. I want a genuine feel of this new world someone else's muse will be the main-character too. Depending on what's interacting everything they'll be scale appropriately to follow the genre they're in and environment even. [Aesthetics] -- Already explainable what you'll find here. [Asks] -- Same thing. [Prompts] -- Trivial things I was tagged too, I plan on compiling later. [Writing] -- Another alternatively to randomly go-down and it works right now. [Logs] -- Will have more individualistic master-lists and posts there, my poems from Sheik Sphere the Bard, etc.

Things of that nature, I'll probably add still. It's where a lot of my creative writing is summed. [Gems of Hydaelyn] -- My main #tag for other characters and artists, creationist. Lot of amazing people easily to find their zones or follow them optionally if you like. Ton's I intend to support and bolster, be a lot less unspoken. I'm never the type who's been strictly inclusive. But I'll do that when I've time to even explore the dash, I'm always still planning ahead with things and projects. [CKS] My original character-sheet it's outdated on something's but not too terrible. I'll give him polishing someday, I swear? [21+F-List] -- Just purely degenerate stuff of Captain. I'm a pirate blog. I will represent that with openness and furthermore. I'm never projecting you some false-image. I started off a smut-writer by stripping that, I no-longer represent the same aura and identity. But those are strictly his stuff and kinks, I'm effective in executing them but they're not all relatable to me OOC. This blog will always be 18+ containing crude or dark material sometimes, romantic things, this Captain is blunt, will literally put his cock on the table in conversations. Swearing and being censored would be too uncommon and displace most of him, but there's more about him then all this. [Other] -- I pay homage to a lot of characters, I originally am a Concept Designer. Which mean's I make characters and ideas like my addiction. Bad characters / villains or other little things I like to share in designs, I'll put there. Some villains might get little photo-sets, even if they died. Just cause I like their design, or maybe I'll give them an AU, where they won. When I've wrapped up things. [Collabs + Ships] -- Is a new project idea. This isn't going to be something limited too romantic only ships. It'll contain, platonic, romantic, friendships, rivals, frenemies, family, PC Crew, all ships. I am desperately working on improving my gif, screenshot, posing game so I can supply 'Screen Stories' this is not only a way to RP that's accessible with even people who are upon time-crunches from work, It gives visual-representation. To impactful stories shared with others and establish bonds. That are all-valid and impactful matter. Lot of people take a lot of their characters attributes into them and are them dialed up, I work with that and bit more, differently. I'm disconnected from my characters and they'll get hurt and injured and killed by me, that's my duty as their Author to give them conflicts and struggles. I'm their major antagonist, but that doesn't mean at-all, it's always SET that way. The characters I like to make have their own life, they live in this setting and are abide by it, they're often nothing, nobodies, and by the interacting with others, they slowly gradually building, more... Through emotional impacts, they alter, these are REAL people by all their beliefs. Each person they come in-contact with are legitimate and treated like that too. They've always impacted or given them insights to grow, or represent more. Otherwise it'd be criminally disrespectful if I allowed any emotional I felt OOC be the grudge to something IC. Captain in-particular is set on defying me. I cannot have that. ...But I can't stop him. He's met and encountered so many people and lived so many scenarios based on the actions of others, he's giving a chance right now to actually do things a lot further than impossible. The more people he meets and encounters, experiences, the more I lose. These stories are emotionally interactive where everything is a factor and adds to the dice, where the other people are the one who get to roll the dice for him, not me. That's something I want to color in. People range in emotions, they have their down's, ups, their own wholesome-grounding people, spending time with your favorite people, there's nothing more cherishing than that, being in your own comfort-zone or 'safe-space' these are all treasures that we live under, today. Contrary if what people assume of me, I'm not another 'blogger' that's came

before, who's wanting to force a harem, then constantly is bewildered when that falls to pieces cause of selfishness or a lack of communication, or the skeletons they have in their closets and beliefs they hid behind and swindled fooled everyone. I'm not looking to be popular or anything really, I just create stories and want to share in those, and I want to also boost others included, upward with me, especially those who make me. There's no ego in anything I do, this is purely love. I've never cared about being replicated or duplicated, I've had stalkers, I've gone through more then anyone would imagine, I've been used OOC and abused, just for my writing and cold-harshly told, i'd never amount to anything other then that or vice-versa. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion. That's all I got and am anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Passion is the hardest thing to keep. It's something that can be stolen, quite effortlessly. Few words of discouragement, a bad negative representation, a lack of confidence, or small amount of time, there's many thing's that can put that flame out. Once you lose it. The difficulty to reattain is hundred-times harder than climbing any mountain for real. I've watched the greatest creators crumble from under the pressure, from beaten down by others. I watched many of them do it to themselves because they put a grand vision of needing validation of another and once lost, felt uncompelling to press onward. But passion also can be given BACK and drawn. It can be shown and encourage others, with a soft-triggering, that pushes them. That motivates, that constantly sticks to it. There are many that fuel me. If I ever quit, I let them down, I spit in the faces of people who're better than me in every-way. Or people who've came and given me their precious Time. That have given their character's or dedication to the abundant stories and community-driven things I've done. There's ONLY things you can do, create, give and provide. It cannot ever come to life without YOU. This is a fact. ...I swear, If you let your creativity soar, you'll be amazed by the heights you get. Constantly polish and learn and hone the best you, challenge yourself day after painstaking day, to draw better improvement on something, no matter how trivial or unfamiliar you are. You'll find a confidence only you can give yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Future Plans --------------------------------------------------------------------- For me, I've got so much more stories to give and also explore, I might be taking up soon some other artists and more skilled people from community and hire them for some of my future writes, to up my game or cause something thing's can't be done in-game cause no background carries it. I also got a lot of-set up things and more angst stuff I want to practice, plus I'm adamantly on that grind to produce screen-sets with the intent's to some sort of improving daily. Additionally more people I'll be reaching out too soon for these collab's ideas and things. I look forward to shaking your hands, giving some hugs, show you my respect and admiration, then creating some enchanting stories and giving plots light. Feel free to reach out to me, I get scattered-brain but I'm working on getting better about it. Eventually will get to you though, my goals, if uninterested just say so when I poke, no bites, unless you kinky. Anyways, cheers hearties.

#ooc #update #future plans stuffz #ToG #Work on thinking of daily practice now

41 notes · View notes

chibivesicle · 3 years

Text

Golden Kamuy - Kikuta really deserved better [part 3] 280-283

I’m still behind on my GK meta. Here is my push to catch up before new chapters drop. Just a note of clarification from my last meta. When I discuss Yuusaku’s eyes being similar to Asirpa’s, I don’t mean that he has blue/green eyes like hers but just that his ‘innocence’ is represented by that but there may also be a difference. If he were not Hanazawa’s biological son, it would make a sweet plot twist and explain why he didn’t inherit the ‘natural abilities’ of the men of that family in the military. This sounds silly, but a major theme of GK is that children do inherit abilities from their parents.

Most of chapter 280 isn’t super useful, we learn that Usami discovered Kikuta’s role as a spy for central and that’s pretty much it. Kikuta seems to think that Sugimoto will be enough to stop Tsurumi which, I dunno, I guess makes some sense considering he’s one of the main characters, but meh.

He does get a badass scene where he tries to look cool and take Tsurumi out with him here . . .

Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to be badass as Tsukishima shoots him in the head. Recall that, he’s wanted a front row seat for the Tsurumi theatre and has rationalized in the past that he’s going to be Tsurumi’s right hand man -

[Sighs]. Oh Tsukishima, I’m more worried about your mental health and well being with these recent chapters. Honestly, the rest of the chapter seems like filler to me. The skins are arranged to reveal a location for the gold, at the fort in Hakodate, Goryokaku. The only other part I found interesting is here. Tsurumi makes his orders known and Koito is off in the corner by himself.

Koito, what are you thinking? How are you feeling? Are you upset by Tsurumi? By Tsukishima declaring he’s Tsurumi’s right and man and not your big brother? Tell me Koito? Are you no longer on board with things but caught up in the momentum of events?

And both groups are now en route to the location and - Kikuta deserved better.

Chapter 281 starts out with group eating squid in Hakodate as they check out the remains of the fort. It is mainly historical context information and how this is where Hijikata should have died. I’m not a Shinsengumi ‘fan’ so this plot point continues to be meh for me.

What is more important is that Boutarou told Shiraishi that the gold came from the Russian Consulate to the fort.

Kimuspu lead them there as the group of men organized by Wilk are in search of the gold at the Russian Consulate. They are able to break through a fake wall to find a cellar below where the gold is supposed to be.

Of course, since this is a manga this perfectly overlaps with other events in the manga - mainly the kidnapping of Koito by ‘Russians’ aka Tsukishima and Ogata. Wilk goes over to investigate and sees Koito Sr. deciding that Koito’s fate is set based on the current actions of the kidnappers.

It is interesting that the previous chapter had a very lonely looking Koito to lead into this flashback that is also related to him. Is this important or just luck in the plot/flashback story line? The men proceed to find the gold - but as Wilk examines it, it becomes clear that it isn’t the gold.

Instead, we are only left with Wilk asking him what is going on? And we have no idea what Wilk is looking or referring to, but it isn’t gold!

The flashback ends and the group is roaming around the fort a night only to bump into the 27th! Poor luck for the group indeed.

Chapter 282 starts off with a fight between the 27th and everyone else. Of course they are doomed from the start since they are up against monsters of a sort. After a few violent deaths, Sugimoto searches one of the men to find a telegram.

Welp, shit. There best effort to beat Tsurumi isn’t going to happen as he figured things out at the same time that they did. Shiraishi has a complete meltdown for several pages. Which I’m personally not a fan of - I’m just tired of him being the lazy comic relief by this point. But if you’ve been reading my meta since 2018, you’d already know how I feel about that.

Hijikata remains calm and tries to think of logical places to search for the gold. Digging directly into the ground would have been too obvious so it is likely in a building.

Frantic, Shiraishi runs into the door of one of the buildings. The group seem to descend into a sort of chaotic panic about finding the gold before Tsurumi gets there and then how to get the gold off the site. It all just seems odd. Like, dude, you guys need to just chill and stop shouting out random suggestions. Of course Sugimoto immediately concludes they will have to fight. Which isn’t a very clever idea from Sugimoto, it is his freakkin’ default state.

Of course Hijikata was planning to fight from the start. That has been his goal since the beginning of the manga! But this time, he’s enlisted the help of Sofia and her fellow Russian partisans. Who are on their way to Hakodate and we get an epic shot of her pouring vodka on her face.

It is a logical call, he needs other people who are experience fighters - someone who can go toe to toe with the 27th.

Chapter 283 then turns to give us a brief flashback into Hijikata’s planning for events. He knows the fort inside and out and takes charge (as he should in this situation). Before they left he met up with Sofia and tells her to bring her men to Hakodate that afternoon.

What is interesting is the conversation that unfolds as they discuss working with Sofia and her group. As a war vet, Sugimoto is the most uncomfortable with this, even if he isn’t quite aware of it, he thinks it is too much of a stretch. What surprises me is that Shiraishi, doesn’t trust her either and he even mentions Kiro, unless he personally thinks Kiro was more trustworthy than Wilk or Sofia?

Hijikata is confident that they will deal with things as they happen, but Asirpa clearly states that they can trust her. This makes sense based on how Sofia was there with Asirpa when Tsurumi interrogated her - she knows Sofia is someone whom she can rely on.

Meanwhile, Sofia is supporting the dream that Wilk and Kiro both shared in their youth and tells her men as such. Going way back to the flashback with the three of them and their interaction with Tsurumi as Hasegawa we know that she is the most caring and compassionate of the three leaders.

She is the type of person who could truly inspire others to work towards a common goal, and we’ve seen this through her actions, including taming that tiger. The idea is still crazy, but hey why not.

On the same train is Ogata, clearly following Sofia. He’s asleep and we get a flashback to him laying on the futon with his mom.

At the end of the chapter, it notes that she is saying some lines from a nursery rhyme associated with a children’s game. I’d go with the interpretation that many things are easy to enter or become involved with but are difficult to escape. How will this impact his role in the fight for the gold? Is he still acting as a sort of solo agent? Is he reflecting on this entire mess? His life choices? Lack of choices?

The rest of the chapter is again a bit meh. Of course Tsurumi has commandeered a train, looks like it is mainly carrying freight and Vasily as well. Vasya, what are you doing again? Why are you still after Ogata? And you are just humming a tune while you lounge on a horse in the freight part of the train. Okay . . . as I’m behind on this meta, others have already pointed out that Vasily is likely a Cossack, all comfortable on his horse. Which I feel like is a somewhat lazy ‘Russian stereotype’ since many different Slavic groups existed in the Russian empire at this point in history.

The end of the chapter does finally answer a question I asked in meta a very long time ago now here: https://chibivesicle.tumblr.com/post/178997911192/does-hijikata-have-a-useful-tattoo I remember asking if Hijikata had a useful tattoo b/c we never saw it in the manga - until this chapter. The answer? Yes. He fucking does have a useful tattoo. And he is a buff man despite his age and imprisonment!

All in all what to I think of these chapters? They are moving all of the groups together for some sort of confrontation. How does this all pan out? We shall see. Koito is def wavering in his support of Tsurumi. Ogata is in the mix, likely with the Russians. What is Vasily doing? How many men does Tsurumi have? What will Hijikata do based on his past battle at Hakodate? Will Asirpa be safe? Will Sugimoto finally get captured by Tsurumi and Ogata will have to rescue him? I’ve been waiting for that to happen for years now by this point!

#golden kamuy #golden kamuy meta #sugimoto saichi #ogata hyakunosuke #asirpa #Shiraishi Yoshitake #hijikata toshizo #tsurumi tokushirou #warrant officer kikuta #tsukishima hajime #koito otonoshin #sofia #wilk #kiroranke #yulbars

40 notes · View notes

notyetbulletproof · 3 years

Text

@ahoyjacaranda and I were chatting about this past Ted Lasso episode and our thoughts about Keeley Jones have resulted in this post:

What if all this drama is a step in the “Delivering on the Keeley Jones Character Arc” direction?

From the moment we meet Keeley and through her friendship with Ted and Rebecca, she is lovely and kind to everyone she interacts with. She’s sassy and will put you in your place but she’s not cruel. We do however learn about her through her relationships (expected in an ensemble show sure) then watch her come a little into her own. Watch her find new dynamics with others. She takes care of people, leaves people better than she found them. She’s allowing people to add value to her life too.

(Side-note: the writing lifts her out of the trope they played on and then Juno’s acting makes her the beautiful stunning awesome girl we know and love).

Anyway!

We kept coming back to what she said in that conversation in the bathroom with Rebecca. About her dating footballers. About getting older and growing out of certain things and still having the same dating patterns or making the same choices in her relationship. The fatigue of that. The monotony of it. The discontentment. Not breaking the cycle and excepting something different. And Rebecca asks her “what about being accountable?”. Being accountable (both to yourself and others) matters.

Then she and Roy got together. We kept thinking about the little things. The fact that Roy’s insecurities or struggles with vulnerability and letting people in is focused on more than Keeley’s. At the moment, that’s what it feels like. Probably because Roy (canonically) finds vulnerability and open communication more difficult than Keeley does. AND ALSO what happened between S1 and S2 and Roy needing to find his way back to himself and his life outsid of Roy Kent the soccer star. He’s still fucking Roy Kent(just new roles).

Perhaps the exploring of their vulnerabilities, insecurities and communication skills are gonna come back to a more balanced point soon. We’ve seen bits of it. We’ve seen her insecurities and struggles through communication issues, through her genuine fear when she thought Roy was leaving (as opposed to realising that he finally understood what she needed). Keeley is used to being the mature one in her relationships. The one that looked after the other person. The one helping. The one who stays. The one who comes back. The one who acknowledged her missteps and accepted it when the other party didn’t. Till she stopped and realised that equal accountability is important.

With Roy, she has a partner. Someone who wants to work as hard as she does. Someone who wants to help as much as she does. Someone who wants to listen as much as she does. Someone who calls her out the same way she calls him out. Someone who takes responsibility and accountability. Someone she does the same thing with. She takes accountability for her actions when she’s with him, takes responsibility. It’s having a partner VS being “the girlfriend”. It’s having someone you root for who also roots for you. We didn’t see that before. It’s not that it never existed but it’s supposed to be different with Roy, that’s why it works so well.

She’s used to relationships with dramatic exits, angst(!), poor communication or always being the one to “teach” the other. It’s not like her relationship with Roy is perfect, it’s just that now she’s with someone who is as invested as she is. In it as deep as her. Doesn’t want to screw it up as much as she doesn’t want to screw it up. So yes the dramatic shit still happens but it’s the follow up. It’s the coming back. It’s the working it out. It’s the let’s table this until we can actually communicate. It’s the lets talk to each other- because clearly not saying anything and bottling things up leads to outbursts and cold shoulders. Which are all counterproductive and can be annoying—- COMMUNICATION TAKES WORK. And they do the work??? It’s not always gonna be easy but that’s what it means to build a life with another person.

As for why this could be more part of Keeley’s arc than Jamie’s regression or self-sabotage or transference or (fine!) growth— is that we haven’t really seen her character arc play out outside of her relationships with other people. I’m not saying it won’t be an overarching arc or interwoven with both Roy and Jamie because we’ve seen the way Keeley impacts the people around her, we’ve seen her find joy and happiness and love. Still, in the same way we’ve been learning what fuels these characters, what has made them who they are, it would be nice to learn more about Keeley.

Why we think this is part of a confronting insecurities/vulnerabilities/preventing self-sabotage arc is simple—- It’s like when you want something for so long and then you finally get it and it takes more adjustments than you thought necessary. You know you want it and you love it but you’re also incredibly scared to lose it. So you revert to old coping mechanisms. It leads you to engage in self-sabotage because you don’t know how else to be. You have to call yourself out. Hold yourself accountable too.

Remind yourself that you deserve to be happy. And happiness more often than not, takes work. It’s a choice to push through the mud. Not every day will be a happy day but reminding yourself that it doesn’t always come easy, that taking work does not make it LESS good is helpful. The work is necessary. Not all the time sure but the things that matter are worth the tough work of communicating needs/wants/desires, being vulnerable, being accountable, being honest. Showing up. Doing the work.

Listen, we’ve been burned by writers before. So while we’re optimistic, we’re not putting all our hopes on this because LIFE you know?? Still wouldn’t it be nice?

———-

As usual, this got away from me. I’ll stop now.

#@ahoyjacaranda #good media lets you meet nice people #Ted lasso #Ted lasso spoilers #SPEC THIS IS OUR SPEC #it’s okay to disagree!#Keeley Jones

24 notes · View notes

pathofcomet · 3 years

Text

look at what you taught me

fandom: bridgerton series

pairing: colin/penelope

summary: Colin and Penelope have never been awkward with one another. Except for this one time. (AO3) (book spoiler ahead)

In the beginning, when he travels, Colin can think of nothing else but the present moment: a ship under his feet, the lull of a carriage, the wide expanse of the world all around him. Whatever destination is coming next, if he is certain enough – if not, he’ll just make it up as he goes. The furious scribbling of his quill against paper, as he races to put down in words all his eyes take not but a second to admire. It feels like everything he never knew he wanted to do so desperately. It feels right.

Then, it becomes more difficult to return home, the more he travels. But soon enough, the travel starts to wear him down. He begins to look forward to when he’ll return home: despite his own mother’s incessant remarks, despite the brotherly arguments, despite having to see another sister married off. Even the most loving mamas trying to marry off their daughters to him seem somewhat adorable, if he is gone long enough. But the need to travel comes back, like an itch that won’t go away unless he scratches it away. He makes promises to his sisters – so that he can stay as much as possible, but he goes insane with anything more than a couple of months. He likes to believe that by now his family simply made peace with his many eccentricities, and simply paid the cook more when he was around.

He treasures the pockets of familiarity he gets when in London as much as the breathes of fresh air he gets when he’s away. He imagines he drives his mother wild, with all his coming and going across the continent. He knows what Lady Whistledown writes about him as well, and he’d strangle the woman himself, for alerting everyone of his return so punctually. Ambitious mamas are hard to fend off when you’re a young man, and it only gets worse the older he becomes, because the expectation of marriage dawns ever closer.

***

“You must agree, Colin,” his mother says, and at the mention of his name, he straightens in his chair, because it’s a terrible thing to be singled out in a conversation by Violet. “Penelope is quite an agreeable young lady.”

Colin agrees, both because he truly believes so, and because while his mother doesn’t need his confirmation, she’s kinder when she has it. Benedict, from the other side of the room, leans closer in his chair, so he can hear better whatever commentary their dear mother is about to impart with them.

“I dare say she’d make quite a suitable bride for you, really.”

All hell breaks loose. Benedict drops his foot to the floor with a loud thud, while Colin drops his sandwich, eliciting a swear for which he’s reprimanded by three of his sisters. And then.

“Mother!” Eloise shrieks, quite offended – which Colin finds surprising, considering that the two of them are best friends. “That is entirely too daring!”

Colin agrees, but he is too busy desperately trying to cough away the piece of sandwich stuck in his throat. Eloise, though still quite shocked, pushes her cup of tea in his hands, just to get him to make less noise. He downs it in one go, grateful to not have died of this particular cause. His heart, quite in override still, might provoke a heart attack soon enough if his mother does not change the subject.

“I believe you misremember your ABCs, dear mother,” he jests, because he does not want to take the idea seriously. “There’s one son for whom you haven’t found a bride quite yet.”

Benedict shifts in his seat, suddenly finding his newspaper way more interesting. But this time around, Violet doesn’t rise to the so delicious bait of teasing her second, not when her brain is so set on match-making her third.

“I don’t see why not. Isn’t she a friend to all of us?”

She stops, waits for a nod from each one of her children currently engaged in eaves-dropping on the topic.

“She’s polite, witty,” she continues listing reason after reason, all to which Colin is entirely familiar and now that he thinks about, has noticed himself, several times over, in Penelope. “And quite darling.”

He imagines darling is what girls who aren’t called beautiful get stuck with by kind mothers. He never actually stopped to even consider Penelope in any of these ways: she’s always been there, ever since he was in short pants – and that’s almost already half their lives. A fixed presence by the side of his younger sister, and a favourite of his mother, despite all the awkward wallflower tendencies in Penelope. But he doesn’t recall ever trying to pick apart her character, find her individual traits, even consider her as a… woman.

Colin is suddenly shamed by his wilful, manly indifference. Violet arches her eyebrow at him, clearly still expecting an answer.

“Mother,” he adds with a sigh. “I can promise you most certainly that I am not marrying any time soon.”

“One never knows,” she murmurs, though she allows him his momentary peace, and returns to her embroidery.

***

Only that his mother doesn’t stop with her comments, and they seem to grow in number each time she meets Penelope, which unfortunate for him, is often enough. The next morning, as she returns from shopping, she comments on how nice she looked in a dress of her own picking, and not her mother’s own distasteful choices. Each time any married sibling sends a letter, or comes visit, her efforts in getting Colin to marry are reinforced. She jabs at him with comments: morning, afternoon and evening.

And suddenly, Colin can find that there’s nothing else much that he can think about, but Penelope, and how exactly this insane idea came to live in his mother’s mind. So he starts paying attention.

He supposes parties would be generally more enjoyable if he didn’t have to attend them with his family, as much as he loves them. He can physically feel Violet’s eyes drawing across the room, and then settling, decisively, on his back, a list of eligible ladies for marriage already compiled in her mind, alongside one for dancing partners. Colin can already guess what her mother is about to tell him.

And he is right. She pokes at his elbow with her fan, nodding to the edge of the ballroom, where Penelope Featheringston stands, card empty and looking like she’d rather be anywhere else but here. Well, at least they do have that in common.

“Colin, darling,” and really, that’s all that Mrs. Bridgerton has to say to any of her children for them to do her bidding.

He makes his way across the room, trying his best to avoid getting roped into introductions by mothers or old friends alike. The faster he’s getting this over with, the faster he can return to the appetizers, and to a reconnaissance of the room of his own.

“Pen,” he says, and she startles, turning around to him with the widest of eyes, and the shyest of smiles. Huh, maybe she does look quite darling.

“Colin!” she exclaims, smoothing down a hand over her dress, and while it’s a gesture driven by nerves, it looks quite adorable.

“Would you do me the honour of a dance?”

He extends out his arm, which she takes – an answer without needing one. And it’s quite a shame, to all the other men in the room, because Penelope is a wonderful dancer, and a most attentive conversationalist during them. She asks him of his most recent travels, destination known through the letters he sent to Eloise, most likely. He’s received his fair share of foot stepping and the occasional elbow in his side, but never with Penelope.

She animates with each step, blushing at his hand around her back, smiling at a spin. He never considered how soft her body feels under his fingers, underneath the thin material of her dress, but now he is acutely aware of her warmth seeping through. He asks of the books she’s been reading, which he knows are plenty.

And at the end of the dance, he finds that maybe dancing with Penelope Featherington is not such a tedious task, after all. And at the end of the night, he’s quite certain she’s been his best partner.

***

Art exhibitions are not really Colin’s thing, really. His interest lays in a world painted in words, not in colours. But considering the fact that one of Benedict’s pieces is to be exposed to the world for the first time, of course his entire family must be present. He is proud of his brother, for having found a path in life, having chased it so full of determination.

Colin’s good at chasing as well. He’s just been proven, more and more lately, that he chases only things that cannot last, which displeases him greatly. It doesn’t mean he is not entirely supportive of his older brother. What other reason he’d have to be present here, at all?

“Penelope!” Eloise shouts, gathering the attention of her friend.

Penelope spins around, red curls jumping with the movement, and she blushes. Colin is pretty sure she’s done this every single time he’s seen her, though maybe he now begins to understand why. She nods her head in their direction, all Bridgertons replying in kind. Eloise lets go of his arm, rushing instead by her best friend’s side, hands entangled in a most obvious display of friendship and affection.

Colin knows Penelope’s family – and so he knows there’s no such camaraderie between her and her sisters, as it can be so easily observed between himself and his own siblings. He’s glad these two have each other then: a friend is one’s most fearful champion.

He walks by his mother’s side, going through the gallery, the two girls just a few feet ahead. Eloise is the taller one, yet both their heads are bent together as they discuss, such an air of ease and comfort about them. His sister says something, and suddenly Penelope turns a bit more to the side, laughing: a sparkle of mischief in her eyes and the loveliest pull at her mouth. Now, Colin finds himself quite taken with her mouth, staring because he finds it impossible not to. The soft pink of her lips, as she’s worried at them trying to come up with a comment about this and that painting. The white of her teeth, as she smiles. Her tongue, wetting her lips, from time to time, as the rooms grow hotter, with all the people passing around.

He’s lucky that the art pieces all around are distracting enough that Penelope herself doesn’t notice. His mother does, though.

“Quite darling, no?”

And she looks at the exact same person that he is, and most certainly not at the painting of a fruit basket in front of them.

“Mother,” he warns, a slight squeeze around her arm.

“Oh,” she sighs. “You can’t blame me for caring enough to try.”

Maybe not. But he can blame her for opening his eyes to something that he, like everyone else – he begins to realize - didn’t really know was right there.

***

So Colin Bridgerton, like a true hero of his days, leaves for Wales. And like the caring gentleman that he also is, he uses one of his friends as his excuse. It helps – it’s quite a useful distraction, for a while, walking over the hills, staring out at the sea, spending evenings eating hearty meals with someone that knows him well enough, but not too much. And he writes in his journal, of his quiet passing days.

By contrast, the nights are not so quiet. While he tries so hard to forget the society back in London, at night there are no distractions: and even so, while asleep, he cannot really control his unconscious mind.

So Colin dreams: at first, the most innocent of shadows, people that he can vaguely make out. Then the visions get clearer, and longer, and more tormenting. It starts with Penelope’s smile, and that mouth of hers, which in a dream he can admit to wanting to desperately kiss. Which, in a dream, he has leave to do. He knows, upon waking, that whatever taste lingers on his tongue from his haze, it certainly has nothing on the reality, and hates himself all the more for it. Then her body, close to his, the press of her bosom hard against his chest, the roundness of her bottom in his palms. The next morning, he is in need of a change of bedsheets, like he is nothing but a horny teenager.

He is sure his mother must have cursed him. The dreams continue, sweet haunting that only makes the guilt rise in his throat. She’s his sister’s best friend, for heaven’s sake, and here he is, conjuring her up in his dreams with no respite! It’s like his body has decided to take an entirely different path from his mind.

Colin is miserable on a travel, for the first time in way too long.

***

Maybe that’s his excuse. He lacks sleep, and for him, the most pressing issue is, obviously, still the one of his marriage. Violet Bridgerton is popular for many things between her children, but her cutting words and sharp mind are not necessarily one of those, especially if used against one of them. Colin has found himself at the receiving end of exactly that for weeks and months now, so he is apprehensive when he is summoned back to London.

But if his mother has need of him, then he must make haste. Of course, the real reason is simply the news of Daphne’s new pregnancy, which is incredibly happy. Colin loves to be an uncle way better than he likes being a younger brother.

Especially since right now, Anthony and Benedict have taken the liberty to pick up with the teasing where their mother stopped.

“You left in the middle of the season,” Benedict remarks, and Anthony clasps his back in a way that only eldest brothers can do, when they require an immediate answer.

“Oh, very well,” and Colin actually scowls. “I needed to get away. Mother has been incessant with this bloody marriage thing.”

And because they’re his brothers, of course they joke and jest more, at his own expense. Everyone in their house knows that his mother has her eyes set on Penelope, and everyone in their house is already tired of her insinuations, Colin most of all. That doesn’t mean that Anthony, or Benedict are going to pass up the opportunity to rile him up on the subject. It’s been a while, after all, since they’ve had reason to laugh at him in particular.

It’s the damn lack of sleep, and all of these comments, which are entirely unwarranted and so overwhelming, despite his protests, that make him throw all decorum out the window.

“I am not going to marry soon, and I am certainly not going to marry Penelope Featherington!”

“Oh!”

The softest sound, really – feminine and delicate and belonging to the single person that he didn’t want to see right this moment. With much slowness, burning red with shame, Colin turns around to look at Penelope Featherington. And he knows: by the expression on her face, the haggard breathing with the desperate rise and fall of her chest, and her eyes, that he just broke her heart.

What he says right there on the spot, he cannot truly recall. A fumbling of stupid, empty nothings, apology too small, too unfulfilling, because Penelope draws herself up and protects the little bit of her dignity left.

And she leaves, so fast that he doesn’t have the time to do what he wants: follow her to clear up things.

Benedict punches him in the arm, quite terribly hard. It still doesn’t feel as bad as the gut-wrenching guilt building up inside himself, or the self-loathe that he so much deserves. Because just as he was beginning to make up his mind regarding how dear, truly, she has grown to be for him, he has done the worst thing a person who cares about another can do: hurt her.

***

He shows up at the doorsteps of her house the following day, surprised to find Penelope alone in the drawing room.

“As you might suspect, Mr. Bridgerton,” she says, when he inquires after her mother and sisters. “Many men before you have made the same declaration, though maybe in more private settings. I am afraid any hope of marriage left in this household falls upon my sisters.”

It is the fact that she doesn’t use his name that stings the worst, and makes him understand exactly how much harm he’s done with his extremely horrifying comment.

“Penelope, I am so entirely sorry for the way I behaved yesterday. You must believe me when I say I did not mean to offend you in any way.”

“Must I?”

He stops, opens his mouth: no words come out. She looks the picture perfect of peace, and maybe this is what should worry him the most. It is his first time seeing her as more than a blushing young woman, and suddenly maybe he realizes why she is Eloise’s best friend: she’s made of tougher stuff than what he’s been led to believe so far.

“What I said, the way I’ve said it. I’ve hurt you… It’s entirely intolerable and I apologize for the situation you’ve been put in because of me being an ass.”

Situation that she handled entirely fine, given the fact that he so singled her out in a market of numerous others undesirable young ladies. She sighs at his curse, something that sounds like Colin, that has the tiniest of fondness in the tone. Something in his chest tightens with fondness of its own, for this woman in front of him, who has been nothing but a most beloved friend, to his entire family – and to him, as well.

“I…” she stops, taking in a deep breath, her hands shaking. “I already told you, no feelings were hurt. You’ve made no remark that wasn’t already obvious to everybody in the ton,” she says, and she waves in the air the latest number of Lady Whistledown.

Of course, even when he misses it, his sisters and his dear mama are quick to fill him up on the happenings of the season. In today’s fresh paper, Whistledown has written down that were the two of them ever to get married, she’d have to give up writing altogether – such an unfitting match never having been seen before.

“You can’t possibly believe those writings,” he says, suddenly offended at the paper, though he’s not quite certain on whose behalf anymore.

“I didn’t, until –”

Until he has reinforced them all the more, with his declaration. Colin suddenly feels himself flush from head to toes, at being so openly chastised. His brother Benedict has already told him, that he has cruelly overstepped most demands of polite society when he lost his temper in that way, in such a public place.

“I really do apologize, Penelope.”

He hadn’t realize how much he enjoys saying her name until now, when he so desperately wants her, needs her to say his own. A sign that things between them can be mended, move from the terrible awkwardness between them.

“Pity doesn’t feel that nice to those who already know how pitiful they are, Colin.” His gaze snaps up at her, and finds her already smiling at him – quite charming, even if so utterly self-depreciating. “Though you are forgiven.”

He bows at her in thanks, lower than he’s gone in months, if not years, just to show how entirely grateful he is. Of course, Colin is yet too young, rich, handsome and charismatic to know the meaning of her words, and too stupid of a man to try and understand where she is coming from.

But he will, in due time.

For now, maybe his favourite sight to see during his travels becomes the shores of England, when returning home. Because home has just started to mean just a tiny bit more.

#bridgerton #bridgerton series #colin/penelope #colin x penelope #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin #bridgerton fanfic #bridgerton ff

181 notes · View notes

apple-grass-and-smiles · 3 years

Text

While everyone and their mother has commented on the scene from 2x10 where Dani and Malcolm talk about Gerald and his validity as a witness in the case, I have thoughts and decided I wanted to inflict them on you.

Basically, I come down on the side of neither of them really being in the wrong, but if pushed to choose someone who is most correct, it'd be Dani. I'll explain why below in the form of a list.

Some Things to Consider/Know About the Argument:

1. That I'm only calling it an argument for the sake of ease. I think a better term might be 'debate' or 'tense conversation' because while, at least from Bright's side of things, it may have the emotional weight of an argument, it likely wouldn't if a neutral third party saw it happen.

2. Both parties are entering the conversation in good faith. Dani has historically done nothing but be kind and try to be understanding of mental health as far as we've seen. There's no reason to think that anything she said was meant to be malicious. Same can be said of Bright, who is normally very happy to explain mental health issues if people aren't speaking as carefully as they should and has shown respect to Dani/Gil/JT when it came to expertise on police work.

3. Malcolm, bless his heart, is projecting SO HARD. It is a basic truth of Prodigal Son that Bright projects on people, but this is intense, even for him. It's clear from 2x09 that he is struggling not only with how his secrets are keeping him from people, but also how his mental health makes him feel like an outsider. Those emotions are heightened during this episode and then you add in Gerald who is basically Malcolm on the surface (both people who are exceptional experts in their field, who are kept from the life they want and the things they love by mental illness/shame/secrets, but desperately want to connect with the world, despite feeling they can never fit in). Therefore, when Dani talks about Gerald, Bright is assuming she thinks those things of him too and takes them personally even though we have no reason to think she means them that way or knows that that's how Bright is interpreting her words.

An edit after initial posting: I don’t blame Malcolm for projecting. It happens to everyone and he’s dealing with A Lot. However, my view of mental health is that while it limits your agency and choices, it does not relieve you of accountability. Just because Malcolm doesn’t choose the feel a connection to Gerald, doesn’t mean he’s not responsible to try and recognize that and then take a step back and remember that he and Gerald are separate people. It’s not fair that he has to do that, but it’d be equally unfair for him to expect everyone else to automatically compensate for his mental state, especially since he has not communicated to them how deeply he’s connecting with Gerald. It’s not fair or right, but sadly that’s how mental illness works in my eyes.

4. Dani and Malcolm are coming at this argument from two fundamentally different points of view. The biggest issue here is that Malcolm's background is in psychology, which is going to be more focused on health and improving the client's life, while Dani is in a police mindset, which deals with solving the case and helping people by getting the murderer off the street. Both of these views are necessary and they're why Bright is such a valuable addition to the team, but...

5. The conversation is fundamentally about Gerald in a POLICE/COURT CONTEXT. The start of this arguement is JT saying "I think we've got a problem. Let's say Clayton did murder Rosalie, could we even get Gerald to court?" and then Gil follows up with, "And if he did testify, what kind of witness would he be?" The argument stems from them needing to consider if their suspect would end up walking because their witness wouldn't be able to leave the house. Which is definitely something they should be concerned about because part of the job of law enforcement officers is making sure that your case is solid, which means your witnesses need to be as consistent as possible.

6. Context makes it clear that no one is making value judgements on Gerald's character; they're discussing if he'd be an unreliable witness. The first thing here is that being a witness, especially in a case where you'd be testifying as the sole witness of a murder, is a) stressful, b) pushes people out of their comfort zone, and c) a skill. My dad was a police officer for the first 18 years of my life, which meant he spent a lot of time in court and fundamentally, being a witness is something you get practice at. You learn how to answer questions, what lawyers are actually asking you when they say certain things, how far you can/should go in your testimony, all sorts of stuff. Gerald, to our knowledge, has never testified in court, is scared to so much as open his door, and deals with insane amounts of anxiety on a regular day where no one comes to his home. To ask him to leave his house for the first time in 14 years to go and testify at a murder trial where he would likely be brutally investigated by opposing counsel (you could very easily make a case that he's crazy/untrustworthy/unhinged because of his agoraphobia and it'd be hard to get a jury to forget those claims) would be fundamentally cruel. No one on the team, but especially Gil/Dani/JT, is in a position to give Gerald the proper emotional and legal help to make sure that he could hold up under questioning so using him as a witness would likely mean essentially throwing him to the wolves and, by extension, tossing their case. Their job is to catch the killer and if that means going in a different direction and looking for a witness who won't struggle as much in court, that's what they need to do.

7. "Agoraphobia does not make Gerald an unreliable witness." Bright is right when he says this, but Dani is also right when she indicates in the line before that Gerald does not qualify as a reliable witness. How can this be, you may be wondering? Bright is talking about being reliable as in being trustworthy. Dani is using it to mean consistent and able to hold up under pressure. Agoraphobia doesn't mean you can't trust Gerald's information or that he shouldn't be believed. However, it would make it difficult for him to meet Dani's definition of a reliable witness. That's not Gerald's fault or anyone's fault, but it is a reality of the legal system and Dani knows how to work within that system. (Bright likely does too to a certain extent, but as an FBI agent he would have been working on a federal level, while Dani would be used to state-level stuff and those are two VASTLY different arenas. Additionally, it's not entirely clear exactly how Bright's profiling cases worked out in terms of if and when he'd testify, but he mostly likely would have been testifying as an expert witness/leaning on his psychological training more than law enforcement training when he was in court.)

8. Dani calling Gerald 'messed up', 'strange', and 'cursed' is not the most tactful, but certainly not enough of an issue to throw her under the bus. First things first, 'strange' within context of what she's saying is referring to Gerald's situation, not Gerald, so I personally don't see a reason for that being an issue since it is a strange situation. Referring to someone as 'messed up' could definitely not be a great look, but I think it really comes down to personal preference. I wouldn't mind it because I know my mental illness does make me messed up at times so I don’t mind the term, but I also know people who would be hurt by that (granted, it's not exactly one of the worst things you can call someone). Really though, it’s dealer’s choice and if it hurts you, I totally get it; this is just my opinion/POV. Finally, Dani says Gerald is cursed to never leave his house and I could argue for a very long time that she's perfectly fine to say that because both in the context of the conversation and Dani's character as a whole, that comment is her trying to be empathetic and realizing that Gerald is not at fault for how he lives his life. It could be worded better, but she means well and the intention, as long as she's willing to improve her wording if it hurts people, is what matters here. She’s aware that sometimes mental illness feels like a curse and I think that wording makes it clear she doesn’t judge Gerald for his actions.

Final thoughts and TL;DR: I really don't think either party is at fault here. They both have very valid points and pretty clear reasons to think what they do. (Malcolm probably could have used a quick reminder that everyone was talking about Gerald and not him, but that's really it.) If I had to crown a "winner", Dani gets it because the conversation was always about the legal system and she's the most in the right about that issue. Malcolm had great points as well and might have “won” if this wasn’t a conversation specifically happening in the context of police work. She, like everyone, could definitely benefit from learning more about mental health and how to talk about it, but I think she has proven throughout the show that she tries to be as kind and accepting of others as she can. This was a point where she slipped up on wording, but her points were valid.

#prodigal son #dani powell #Malcolm bright #silence emily #this whole thing is just the psych student/mental illness haver side of me #meeting up with the side that knows a lot about police work through my dad #and the two sides doing battle #so if you want to know what my brain looks like #whenever I'm put in a situation where mental health and crime intersect #this is a good summary of it #complete with more words and thoughts than literally anyone wants myself included

58 notes · View notes

ahsokasleftbicep · 3 years

Text

Name and Soul: Chapter 5

Here we go!! Let's see what Crosshair does ;)

@mqgriett @darkangel4121 @thelambandthewolffe @maulscrosshair @trash-dino-5000 @lightning-wolffe @killtherandomness @shadowwing12345 @sydnubabu @lafy-taffy

Crosshair x F! reader

Word Count: 2668

Warnings: SPOILERS for episode 5, Tarkin being a dick, Rampart being ughhhh, Conflicted Crosshair, internal conflict, slavery, Cid being an awesome character, injury, angst, a few curse words to get the mood across

“Y/N, what’s your position? Over.”

“Right behind you kid. Over” You chuckle when the girl jumps a little bit.

Echo clears his throat, “Omega, remember it’s not a toy.”

Omega just nods and keeps fiddling around with her new comm. Crosshair’s

“Y/N, can I talk to you for a moment?” Echo continues, nodding his head to the back of the ship.

“Yeah of course.” You both walk to the back and you lean against a crate, patting Gonky on the head when he walks by. Echo stands rather awkwardly, looking up at you before back to the ground.

“I’m not sure how to start… I know that you miss Crosshair.” Echo looks up again before speaking. “And I know these past few weeks have been hard. But we will get him back together. As a group. You don’t have to do it alone.

“You heard Hunter and I the other day then.” You sigh and shift uncomfortably, “I know we can get him back, and that doing that is a little more… difficult with Omega around, especially now that someone is after her. But the longer we leave him there… who knows what Tarkin has already made him do.”

“I trust you Y/N, we all do.” Echo walks up and rests his hand on your shoulder. “But if you go through with this, there is no guarantee that we can get to you both in time if things go south.”

“I understand Echo.” You look up, “Thank you.”

The man nods before walking towards the cockpit. “Come on, I gotta let the guys know about that informant.”

Crosshair awoke with a gasp, sweat covering his head and chest. The lights in the barracks flickered erratically, but it was enough for him to see that everyone else was asleep. He sat up and the cool air pricked his bare skin. He looked around again before grabbing his rifle. He grabbed a top shirt and the necklace, clipping it around his neck before walking out into the hall, making his way to the firing range.

He kept thinking about his nightmare if that’s what you’d call it. It wasn’t scary or disturbing, just… weird. He was sitting on his bunk, back at the Marauder. He saw a bunch of his things, trinkets, and belongings. But he also saw things that weren’t his. He looked to his side table and saw small pieces of jewelry, smaller rifle parts, and a rag. He also saw a picture strip propped on the table. One of himself and… her? It was fairly small and had a small rip on the top. In one picture, he had his arm wrapped around you and you were smiling. Weird. The next was similar, but this time, he was smiling a little too. Then, you both looked like you were laughing. And the last one is what shocked Crosshair the most. You were kissing him. Like on the lips. What the-? He sees you sitting on his bed with the girl… Omega. You’re talking about something, but he can’t hear you too well. It’s muffled and the sound echoes.

“Y/n…?” His voice sounds too loud. Why is it so loud? “Y/n?”

You look up, directly at him, but then you turn back to the girl. Didn’t you see him?

Why didn’t you see him?

“Well, this is a charming establishment.” You cross your arms as you walk into the bar on Ord Mantell. “Reminds me of 79’s”

“Indeed” Tech walks beside you, grimacing at the conditions.

“What’s 79’s?” Omega looks at you and Tech curiously.

“It’s a clone bar on Coruscant, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not there anymore though.” Tech pushes his goggles up to his nose.

You all walk into the main part of the bar. “So Echo, which one of them is Cid?” You glance at a couple of aliens arguing in the back, a Weequay and an Ithorian. None of them gave you the impression of being an informant.

“I couldn’t tell ya. I’ve only heard of him, never actually met him.” Echo looked back at you.

“That’s reassuring, Echo.”

Hunter walks towards a Trandoshan in the back, asking a few questions but getting nowhere.

“So unless you’re here to spend money, get lost.” The Trandoshan speaks, looking clearly annoyed. Hunter walks back and you all circle up.

“Great plan, Echo.” Wrecker groans

“I’m positive this is Cid’s. The Jedi came here during the war.”

You clear your throat before adding on, “Maybe he heard what happened to the Jedi and fled.”

While you all are talking, you don’t notice Omega walking up to the Trandoshan. You guys are struggling to come up with a plan.

“So, we came all this way for nothing?” There was a pause before your comm goes off.

“I found Cid.” You all turn towards Omega, who then points up to the Trandoshan at the bar.

You walk over to the Omega and nod at Cid politely, “Good job kid. You’re getting pretty good at this.”

“I could do my job if you did your research, Rampart.” Crosshair glances at the man, who simply glares back.

“How dare you? I’ve been-”

“Gentlemen! Enough of this nonsense.” Tarkin pinches the bridge of his nose. “What did you find?”

Rampart glares at the sniper for a moment before turning his attention back to Tarkin. “I have continued my research on Private L/N, sir. After she became a marksman, she joined the militia on her home planet. Over time, she was given the nickname the Ghost.”

“Why is this of use to us, Rampart?” Tarkin looks at the man, slowly losing his patience.

“Many other rebel militias hired her, therefore she is well known on other planets through her nickname. I was looking through the general gossip, when I found a report from Ord Mantell, saying that the Ghost had arrived early yesterday morning. Now it could be a mistake, but this is the closest thing to a lead that has been found.”

Crosshair looks down at the floor, thinking. What is he up to? He wants something more with this lady than what Tarkin has said.

“Very well. Because of the uncertainty that this is truly Private L/N, CT-9904, you will go to Ord Mantell alone and see if it is true. If you do find her, restrain and bring her back. If not, return to Kamino as soon as possible… and if she gives you trouble, dispose of her.”

Dispose of? No! Don’t kill her! Don’t listen to him! Would you just shut up?

“Of course, sir. I’ll leave right away.” Crosshair throws his toothpick to the ground and walks into the hall. I can go to Ord Mantell. If I see her, I could always lie.

“Wrecker, you doing okay?” You rest your hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing. I’m alright.” The man rubs his head again.

“According to Cid’s intel, the Zygerrian slave traders are hiding in the ruins of Old Ord Mantell city.” Tech walks into the cockpit along with Echo and Omega

“What’s a slave trader?” Omega spins around in her seat.

“Someone who buys and sells people for credits.”

“People can be sold?” Omega looks up in confusion.

“They don’t have a choice. They’re captives treated like property.” Echo crosses his arms glaring at the ground.

“That… doesn’t seem right.”

“It’s not. But wealthy Zygerrians don’t care.” You kneel in front of her. “Before the war, their empire was very powerful and not a lot of people had enough to fight against them. I was called by a local militia in Zygerria after I graduated from the Academy, we went to Zygerria to free a village of missing twi-leks. Some of my team got caught…” You look at the boys. “They were vicious in their punishment of the militia members, especially the Queen.” You suppress a shiver from your spine at the memory.

“We are going to stop this from happening to that kid.” Echo speaks up and squeezes your shoulder.

“Don’t worry Y/N. We’ll save Muchi, no matter what!” Omega smiles.

This could be going better. You try to adjust your hands in the binders, but it just tightens on your wrists.

You all had gotten captured, now in the remnants of the city square tied up with other people. Wrecker tries to break the binders but gets shocked.

“You do that one more time and you’ll be…” Echo glares at the man

The soldier shocks him and you run to his side, “Save your energy, Echo. We’ll need it.” You look around before catching on to a large building, seeing a higher-ranking Zygerrian at the top.

“We need to signal Omega before their scouts find her.” Hunter says, looking at all of us.

You keep looking around, and you see… Omega walking towards a fallen column.

“We won’t need a comm to signal her,” Tech speaks up and you point Hunter in her direction.

Before anything can happen, the door of the large building opens. The higher Zygerrian walks out, looking over you all with interest. He stops on you before speaking.

“Look at what we have here,” He chuckles, “Five new slaves to add to my collection.” He approaches you and grabs your face. He smirks and leans closer. “You will be a very nice plaything.”

You narrow your eyes before spitting in his face. “Go fuck yourself.” The man growls and slaps you.

“Y/N!” Hunter calls out and tries to reach you, but a blaster is pointed in his face.”

“We can do with one less slave and loyalty can be taught.” The man grabs you by your hair, “Through violence if necessary.”

You smirk at him for a moment. “I’d love to see you try, prick.”

“Let me go!” You all turn your head towards a guard, who’s holding Omega.

“I found her sneaking around the cage.”

The girl struggles, “I wasn’t sneaking. I was unlocking.”

The cage bursts open despite the guard's best efforts, revealing a young rancor. Great.

“Let’s get out of here.” Hunter helps you free yourself and you run towards your gear.

As you all run along with the other former slaves, Tech is conversing with them.

One of them points to the rancor, “Muchi! Muchi!”

“Muchi?” You look at the rancor and your eyes widen. “The rancor is Muchi?!”

Hunter sighs, “We have to go after Muchi, if we don’t, we don’t get intel from Cid. Y/N, you’re with me.”

“Got it, let’s go.”

Tech and Wrecker separate from you two to go after Muchi, while you and Hunter go after the leader.

“You’re going to pay for this, skugs!” The man moved his whip, the cracking echoing through the air.

The man raises his whip and aims at Hunter.

“Hunter! Watch out!” The whip catches on Hunter’s arm, groaning in pain from the electricity.

You run and tackle the leader to the ground. He gets up and gets his whip around your neck, activating the electric pulse. You scream out and use the slack of the whip to drag yourself closer. “Like I said, loyalty through violence.” The man sneers at you and rips your helmet off your head.

Your voice comes out hoarse and scratchy, “You should’ve kept an eye behind you.”

“Huh?”

Hunter headbutts and kicks the man back.

“Y/N, are you alright?” He unwraps the whip from your neck and looks over the mark left behind.

You cough a little bit and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine.” You place your helmet on. “Let’s go get Muchi and get the hell out of here.”

The sergeant chuckles, “I couldn’t agree more.”

You wince when Cid pokes your neck with a stim. “Ow! Are you trying to hurt me more?”

“Oh calm down, you're fine. I thought the Ghost herself could handle more than a needle.”

“The Ghost? Who’s that?” Omega looks up at you and Cid. The boys look at you, curious.

You sigh and Cid keeps fixing up your injury.

“After the academy and over time, working with militias and going on solo assassin missions, people started calling me the Ghost. I haven’t heard anyone call me that in a while. And I didn’t expect that my name would make it all the way out here… How’d you know?”

“Your demeanor, how you react, and a bit of lucky guessing.” Cid finishes bandaging up your neck.

“Thanks.” You hop off the bar and move your head gingerly. “I’m gonna go for a walk.”

“Can I come?” Omega hops up to you.

“Kid, I actually need some help with something.” Cid nods at you.

“Oh! Okay! Bye Y/N! Be careful!”

“Will do, Omega!”

You walk to the door before Hunter stops you. “Y/N, you sure you’ll be fine on your own?”

“I’ll be okay, I have my comm if I run into any trouble. How’s your arm?” You gesture towards it.

“It’s okay, I’ll live.”

You chuckle, “That’s good, but maybe have Cid look at it.”

“Noted.”

You wave before you walk out into the alleys of the city.

Crosshair weaved behind alleys. He was bare of his typical armor, now donning dark civvie clothes. He has a cloth covering his face, only showing his eyes. His rifle is nowhere to be found, only having a knife strapped to his thigh. His necklace feels cold against his skin, but the rest of his body is on fire. Why am I nervous? She’s just another soldier.

There!

He sees you out in the streets, walking by the market stands that are scattered through the streets. You don’t look armed, so that makes things easier. He keeps his distance, only moving closer as you move towards the denser part of the marketplace. Just grab her and get the job done. No, just ask questions. Don’t show your face.

Something felt off for the last hour of walking around the markets and vendors. Someone was following you, but they weren’t necessarily dangerous. You could be completely wrong though, you hadn’t actually seen your stalker yet.

I should’ve brought my knife, dammit.

You weave through people for a few blocks and stop in the middle of the street. Behind you. You turn and see him.

He’s paused in the street as well, about 30 feet away. He’s in dark clothing, a cloth covering most of his face. Except for his eyes. His eyes. Crosshair.

His eyes are hardened, but they’re his. You make out the faint black lines of a tattoo around his right eye. The man straightens his gaze onto you, then to your bandage, and finally to your necklace. He reaches under his shirt collar and pulls out a silver chain.

You look back up at him and grab your necklace. A person interrupts your line of sight and when you focus again, he’s gone.

Crosshair runs through alleys back to his ship. He’s breathing hard and mumbling to himself.

“She’s okay, she’s okay.” It comes out rushed and panting. He runs up the ramp of his ship, tearing off his mask and getting the ship running. As soon as the ship is in space, he sits in the pilot's seat and grabs his head. His ears are ringing and it feels like his head is going to explode. What the hell was that? Why didn’t I ask her? I ran, why the fuck did I run? She’s okay. She recognized me. Y/N’s safe. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much? Dammit, STOP!

“CT-9904. What did you find on Ord Mantell?” Tarkin’s hologram flickered slightly.

“I… wasn’t able to find any sign of Private L/N. It looks to be local gossip and conspiracy.”

The Admiral nods, “Well that is unfortunate. I assume you are returning immediately.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be back on Kamino shortly.”

“Very well. Good work, CT-9904.” The hologram shut off.

Crosshair sighed in relief, slumping into his seat. I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry.

#name and soul #clone trooper crosshair #crosshair x reader #the bad batch #omega tbb #tbb spoilers #star wars #cid tbb #if you want to be tagged in this story dm me

47 notes · View notes

twink-appreciation-posts · 4 years

Text

Too Forward - Spencer Reid x Reader

chapter three of “all bets are off”

So, uh, this is probably going to complicate your work relationship.

warnings: smut, spencer reid is a dom in this universe, daddy is said like 3 times lol idk if that’s gonna be a theme in this series or a one time thing, kind of public sex (not rlly though it’s car sex), probably out of character but oh well

“Well, it’s an hour's drive back to the office. Y/n, Reid, you can go home for the night. Nice job, agents.”

Those were Hotch’s final words to you for the evening. You, glad to have an excuse to leave the awkward presence of your co-workers, happily obliged, scurried to your car. As you opened the driver’s side door you heard someone call your name.

“Uh, y/n!” It was Reid. Of course.

“You were kind of my ride here. Would you mind dropping me back at the office so I can get my car?” He smiled sheepishly.

Oh. Right. Duh. You had come here together, of course you’d be his ride back. “Yeah! Of course.” You grinned, the awkwardness you had so quickly tried to escape returning. “Hop in.” Once you were both situated in the car and you had begun to drive, you moved to turn on the radio.

“Hey, actually, I was wondering if we could talk.” Spencer reached out his hand to stop you. He was either way more comfortable with touching you now, or you were just starting to notice it more.

“Sure. What about?” You tapped your finger on the steering wheel nervously.

“Listen. I don’t wanna seem too forward but…” his voice trailed off a bit. Oh god. Where was this statement going? “You liked it.” He finished.

You cocked your head to the side, glancing at him. “Excuse me?” You held back a nervous laugh.

“You liked it when I kissed you.” He said it more confidently now, as if your response had validated his observations. You couldn’t respond. He wasn’t wrong, of course, but what was the purpose of him bringing it up in conversation? “When I um,” you felt a new warmth on your thigh. He was running his fingers up and down your exposed skin. What the fuck? “When I touched you.”

Just the way he said it made your breathing become labored. “I did?” You questioned, trying to use comedy to mask the increasing desire overtaking you.

“Oh come on y/n, don’t play dumb. You know as well as I do that you would’ve let me fuck you right there against the wall if we had had the time.”

You nearly slammed the breaks. Did he just say that? Were you dead? That had to be it. The mission had gone wrong. The unsub had drugged you and you were dead. That was the only explanation. “If I’m wrong, you can tell me,” Spencer continued, his hand ceasing its movements momentarily. A choice. He was giving you a choice.

“I-I’m not the only one who enjoyed myself. I could feel you through your pants.” You stared straight ahead, eyes on the road. Anywhere but on him. He must’ve taken your response as a decision, because his hand crept just a bit higher.

“I can’t deny that. Seeing you all dressed up like this? I mean, I’ve always known you were gorgeous, but… I guess you could say this,” he smoothed his fingers over the velvet of your dress. “Well, this sent me over the edge.”

Well. This was certainly out of character from the Spencer you had known all these years. You hadn’t even realized he was having these types of thoughts about you.

“So. What are you gonna do about it?” You questioned, gaining confidence.

“Pull over.” He said simply.

“What? Spence, we’re on the highway.”

“Pull over." He repeated.

You were a bit worried what would happen if you didn’t oblige. So you did. You pulled onto the shoulder of the abandoned highway, it was past midnight now after all, and stared at him.“Okay. Now what, genius?”

You barely registered the click of his seatbelt becoming undone before his lips were on yours. Forceful. Demanding. He wasn’t wasting any time. Apart from the initial shock, you began to respond to his touch quickly, fumbling to undo your own seatbelt as well. His lips moved down from your lips, to your jaw, to your neck. His tongue swirled on the sensitive skin and your eyes fluttered shut. “Fuck.” You mumbled, your head leaned back and rested on the glass of the driver’s sear door, allowing him easier access. He pulled away and you whimpered at the loss of contact. He only chuckled in response, his hand moving to pull down one of the straps of your dress. He tugged it down and then he was right back at it, his lips working at your collar bones, your newly exposed cleavage. “Are you gonna be a good girl?” He asked in a moment of pause, looking up at you with those hazel eyes. You nodded weakly. Embarrassed. “No, sweetheart, I want to hear you say it. Tell me that you’re going to be a good girl.” You bit your lip, considering your current situation. “Come on. Say it and I can give you what you want.” You glanced down to see his hand moving under your dress, his fingertips just barely brushing your inner thighs.

“I-I’ll be a good girl.” Your voice shook, but he seemed content with your words as his fingers began to press against your panties.

“So wet for me, too.” He husked, running fast circles around your clothed clit.

You couldn’t hold back your moans, a string of curses leaving your mouth. “Shh, baby, that’s not the type of language I wanna hear from you. You said you’d be good.”

What? He didn’t want you to curse? A power thing. Of course it was. He wanted to control not only your body, but everything else about you too.

“Aren’t you gonna apologize?” He questioned, his pace slowing down.

“I-I’m sorry Spencer.” You rasped out. “I won’t do it again.”

He licked his lips, eyes scanning you. “You’re so pretty like this. So weak, so powerless. Do you want my fingers inside of you?”

You were shaking now, craving stimulation, craving more of his touch. “Yes. Please. Please, I need it.” You were barely concerned with how pathetic you sounded at this point. He didn’t even reply, only pushed your panties to the side and pressed a finger against your entrance. You legs instinctively spread a bit wider, inviting him in.

“I knew at the bar that you were needy, but I didn’t realize just how much.”

Before you could retort, he was sliding a finger inside of you, curling it to find your g-spot. It felt even better than you were expecting. Maybe because you had been thinking about this moment for hours, ever since he had first placed his lips on yours. It was disgusting, you knew, pulled over on the side of the road, letting your colleague finger you after work like some kind of shitty porno. He eased a second finger inside of you, not too difficult considering how wet you were, and began to pump them in and out of you. He leaned back over, pulling down your bra strap this time, and taking your nipple into his mouth, his tongue teasing you ever so slightly.

“Fuck,” you exclaimed again without thinking. You immediately clamped your mouth shut. “Oh f- no wait, I’m s-sorry.” You began, but he was already pulling his hand and mouth away. You cried out, feeling empty.

“You’re making me think that we should put that dirty little mouth to use, hm?” He questioned, holding up his two fingers, still slick with your own wetness, to your mouth. You met his eyes, opening your mouth, and he pushed them in, pressing down on your tongue. “Mm, good girl.” He mused, his free hand was fumbling with the zipper of his pants, and you finally took the opportunity to get a good look at him. Sweat beaded on his forehead, his hair messy, and of course, his noticeably hard dick pressing against the fabric of his pants. “You like what you see?” He teased. You couldn’t respond, his fingers still placed aptly in your mouth. He struggled for a moment to free his dick from its cloth confinements, but your eyes widened when he did. You didn’t know what you had expected. When you had felt it at the bar it felt.. big.. but you hadn’t nearly prepared yourself to see it. He wrapped a fist around his cock, and you watched, unable to tear you eyes away. “That’s right," his voice was sweet. "You’re gonna be a good girl and watch daddy touch himself. because you haven’t earned the chance to do it yourself, have you?"

Did Spencer just call himself daddy? This was a moment where you were sure that you should be laughing. It made no sense. It wasn’t… Spencer. And yet, you could only react with a gargled moan. Why was this turning you on? Why was this hot? You decided your original idea had been right. You were dead or drugged. No way this was real. But you didn’t have too much time to think about it before his next command came. He pressed his fingers further into your opened mouth. “Suck.”

You obliged, closing your lips around them and running your tongue up and down their length, imagining it was his cock in your mouth instead. He groaned in pleasure, the speed at which he jerked himself off at increasing steadily. “You don’t know how difficult tonight was for me y/n,” he gasped out. “Seeing your pretty little body in such a tight dress, you grinding your ass into my cock like you didn’t have a care in the world. So difficult for me to not bend you over that bar and fuck you there right where everyone could see.” He closed his own eyes for a moment. Your hand creeped in between your legs, craving stimulation. He huffed, noticing, and removed his fingers from your mouth. “I know how badly you want me, baby. It must have been hard for you too, huh?” You nodded, playing to his sympathy. “It’s okay sweetheart. I’ll be nice.” He made good on his word, immediately pushing both fingers into your entrance, your body clenching around him. You were already so blissed out, you couldn’t decide whether to close your eyes from all the pleasure or to force them open so you could watch as he fucked his fist. You were moaning, writhing against his fingers. You wanted nothing more than for Spencer Reid to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you. But you supposed this would suffice for now.

“You’re gonna cum for me, aren’t you baby? Gonna cum all over my fingers? I know you’re gonna look so fucking pretty. So fucked out and weak. All for me.”

Well, if you weren’t about to cum before, you definitely were after he said that. You whimpered, nodding, and his fingers moved in and out of you even faster. “Good. Good girl. Cum for me. If you do you might even have time to help daddy out before he’s done.”

Well, that was an offer too enticing to refuse. So you did as he said. You came, shaking, around his fingers, your moans of pleasure echoing in the small space of the car. He watched you, eyes unwavering, as he made you come undone. His fingers didn’t still until you were panting, squeezing your thighs together to slow him down. “Even prettier than I imagined,” Spencer commented, placing his fingers back into your mouth for you to clean. You did, happily, and when you had taken a moment to regain your sanity, you looked at him eagerly. “Aw, look at you. So cute. You really wanna help daddy cum?”

You nodded, eyes still trained on his hand pumping his cock. “Come here baby.” He said. His voice was so hot when he was like this, you noticed. It was breathy. Strained. Filled with desire. He gently placed a hand on the back of your head, rooting his fingers in the hair on your scalp, guiding you down towards the tip of his dick. Your tongue flicked out, testing him, and he moaned your name loudly. You took him into your mouth, his hand applying just a bit of pressure. You started slowly, trying to get used to the length of it, and his head lulled back against the passenger seat, hair falling into his face. You were slow, but he didn’t push your head down farther, despite the fact that he could’ve. No, instead his hips began to buck up ever so slightly. He looked down at you, checking to make sure it was alright, and when he saw no sign of distress he began to thrust shallowly into your mouth, his hand still keeping you in place. “You feel so good, y/n.” His eyes rolled back. You moaned around him. Fuck. Why was it so hot letting him use you for pleasure like this? “I’m gonna cum.” He stuttered through gritted teeth. “And you’re gonna take all of it, right? Because daddy was so- f-fuck- so good to you.” You couldn’t reply, but you knew that he knew the answer was yes anyway. After a few more thrusts of his hips he came, the taste and warmth flooding your senses. You did your best to take it in full, wanting to fully follow his directions. When you were content with your work his hand eased off of you and you sat up straight, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as you swallowed.

There was silence. You pulled the straps of your bra and dress up, regaining your breath.

“So I was right about you liking it when I kissed you.” Spencer breathed out eventually, zipping his pants back up.

You shook your head, chuckling at the absurdity of the situation, and started the car.

“Well, Doctor, you’re rarely wrong.”

#all bets are off #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds smut #dom!spencer

646 notes · View notes

marameowmeow · 4 years

Text

Feverish

synopsis: Todoroki’s had feelings for you that he can’t explain nor understand, which is why he’s been pushing you away as of late, but being struck with a fever makes that increasingly difficult and communication becomes much harder because you want to know what’s the matter.

pairing: shouto todoroki x fem!reader

word count: 8.3 k

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort, a bit of angst

warnings: contains omorashi (pants wetting, don’t like, don’t read), humiliation, partial nudity, characters aged-up.

It was no doubt that Todoroki was one of the strongest students in his class, and one of the strongest students overall at Yuuei Academy. His quirk was a special one as it gave the fortune of having two elemental powers, the ability to control fire and ice. Almost nothing seemed to intimidate him, and if something did, he was good at concealing his emotions.

And yet when it came to you, he somehow would lose his focus and get a little nervous. Especially when you got so close to him, like that time you were both accidentally pressed against each other. His face grew hot just remembering it as his left side nearly went in flames. Todoroki wasn’t familiar with these confusing and awkward emotions, but after an awkward conversation with Yaoyorozu and an intruding Ashido, apparently he was told that these feelings were a ‘crush’.

“You’re in love with her! OMG you need to tell her!” Ashido cheerfully said, but Yaoyorozu was gentler with her own advice.

“What she means is… don’t feel pressured to confess, but at the same time, try not to wait too long…” She said, smiling to reassure her blushing classmate.

“I see… how do I tell her?” He asked, almost nervously because this has never happened to him before. He’s never had a crush before and wasn’t sure how to deal with these emotions.

“Just be yourself Todoroki. [Y/N] is always smiling around you, if you’re honest like you always are, I think you’ll be okay and she might even return the feelings. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I’ve seen her give you that look for the past 3 years.” Yaoyorozu nearly giggled, thinking this was just adorable as Todoroki blushed again.

“Okay…” He nodded, almost hoping that you did return his feelings. And yet, it almost terrified him because he had no idea what to do with these feelings. Despite what Ashido and Yaoyorozu advised him to do, he couldn’t find the bravery to tell you because he was too worried about how you might react, so he just kept those feelings hidden and tried not to let them show too much and even started avoiding you for a little while in hopes that these feelings would go away. But they didn’t, and they wouldn’t.

And today he was feeling something else, and it was much more problematic as he looked at himself in the mirror and noticed that his cheeks were flushed as he broke out in a cold sweat and he was starting to feel very hot. In an attempt to solve this problem, he quickly downed the last of his second water bottle. Unfortunately, it wasn’t cooling him down at all, and he was starting to feel kind of nauseous after drinking too much.

It had gotten colder lately since winter was still here and the nights were freezing, and he had noticed that a few other students at Yuuei were wearing masks to avoid catching any colds. This wasn’t a cold, but Todoroki knew that this wasn’t going to go away soon. This couldn’t be happening, everyone was training hard this week and he couldn’t let something like this stop him.

And on top of that, he had to work with you today while the two of you trained. He was trying to keep away from you so he wouldn’t make himself look like a fool in front of you, but now that you were both going to train together, there was no choice. Defeated, Todoroki inhaled and exhaled as he kept his cool despite his growing fever, he regained his composure and headed outside with the rest of the guys to get ready for the class.

Meanwhile, you couldn’t be more oblivious to Todoroki’s crush on you though. He was so cute, you found him attractive just like all the other girls did, but he’d been acting distant from you lately and it was starting to hurt your feelings. Did you do something to offend him? You had no idea. But since you were both paired up together you were ecstatic, there’s no way he could avoid you now and maybe you could even ask him what was wrong! Yet you were worried too, you really hoped that this would go well because you valued your friendship with Todoroki and you were crushing so hard on him…

You weren’t looking forward to heartbreak, but you weren’t sure what would happen if he returned the feelings either.

Sighing, you just got dressed in your costume to get ready for the class. You were so in love with the dual-haired boy that you felt hopeless, and the fact that he was avoiding you was slowly breaking your heart. Even though you knew that you probably didn’t have a chance, Todoroki wasn’t the type to just fall in love, and you weren’t impressive at all with your plain detection quirk that just let you sense danger and your allies.

However, as soon as you got outside you immediately sensed that something was off as everyone got together with their partners in the Ground Beta. And it was you against Iida and Uraraka. You felt bad going against your friends but this was training and you couldn’t go easy on them.

“You don’t look so good.” You quickly said as soon as you walked alongside Todoroki, but he brushed you off. “I’m fine.” He forgot about your quirk, but that was the last thing he needed right now. He needed to focus and not think about how he was glad that you were close to him.

“No you’re not, I can feel it. Maybe we should tell Aizawa-sensei that-“ He cut you off as soon as you tried suggesting that he just sit back.

“I said I’m fine. Just focus on finding our classmates and don’t get in the way.” Todoroki coldly said to you, which made you pout a little bit. “Okay.” You shrugged and gave up, not in the mood to fight even though this was frustrating you. Who gave him the right to treat you so coldly?

But then you gasped as soon as your senses told you that Iida was closing in from somewhere you couldn’t see but you knew where he was coming, “Todoroki, Iida’s coming from the left…!” You quickly warned him, and that gave him the cue to act as he put up his defenses, but you ran ahead of him.

“I’ll take care of Iida, you get Uraraka. She’s hiding over there.” You pointed to the middle building discreetly, and although he was surprised that you took initiative Todoroki nonetheless listened to you and headed to go find the gravity-user.

—X—

“Sorry Iida, you’re fast but not as fast as my quirk.” Bragging a little bit, you had Iida captured with the ropes as he sighed in defeat.

“I can’t believe I lost… but I applaud your keen instincts [Last Name]! I can assure you that I will be much more focused and prepared the next time we face off!” Iida claimed dramatically as you giggled a bit, giving him a thumbs-up.

“I know you will! I can’t wait for that! I like a challenge.” You smiled cheerfully as you looked around for Todoroki, wondering if he got Uraraka already. But then you gasped when your senses kicked in again and you quickly ran to go and find Todoroki as you remained cautious, hiding behind a corner before you peeked ever so slightly to see what was happening.

Your eyes widened however when you saw that Uraraka had knelt beside the boy, who was lying on the floor and appeared to be unconscious. This might have been training but you couldn’t help it. Todoroki didn’t look good at all.

“Uraraka!” She was surprised to see you coming, but she was just as worried as you were. “[Y/N]! He found me but then he suddenly keeled over!” Uraraka quickly explained what just happened but you nodded and understood as you went over to your fallen teammate and cupped his rather hot cheeks.

“He’s got a fever. I knew he wasn’t okay but he just had to do this anyway…” You sighed in slightly annoyance as Todoroki groaned slightly and picked himself up, panting a little bit as his eyes slightly widened upon seeing you, but to avoid looking nervous he glared at you a little bit. “I don’t… I’m fine…” He insisted, even though that was a complete lie. And he didn’t show it, but having you so close to him was gradually making him anxious.

You knew better though, he was lying through his teeth. “Yeah right… Uraraka. Sorry… I got Iida already, and I’m gonna tell Aizawa-sensei that Todoroki isn’t feeling good. Can you help me?” Politely, you asked your friend for help who immediately nodded and helped you up as the two of you helped a reluctant Todoroki up to his feet.

“There you go!” Todoroki stood somewhat shakily, grunting a little bit as he blushed at the feeling of your hand touching his hand. He stared for a moment, glad that his flushed cheeks hid the fact that he was blushing. But then as soon as he got up on his feet, a rather heavy weight suddenly settled in his lower abdomen as he shifted slightly when a shiver ran down his back.

‘This can’t be happening…’ He thought and realized that the two bottles of water he had drunken earlier caught up to him, and now he was feeling an urge to piss, with two girls before him, which just made it even worse for him. On top of that he recalled not having peed since last night, and now the need was so sudden and so great that he had to get away from here, and quickly. But he was thankful that you had ran off somewhere, and it gave him the chance to start getting away from Uraraka, who had called out to him and told him to wait for you, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. So the worried girl just watched on in concern before she went to go untie Iida.

Aizawa wasn’t going to be happy with Todoroki once he saw that he had left during the middle of a training session, but at this point he didn’t really care. He had a more pressing matter to tend to. As Todoroki walked into the school building, his eyes scanned the area as he walked as steadily as he could. This damn fever was making him feel dizzy as he kept his eyes open, panting slightly when the heat was making him sweat. Todoroki stumbled a bit as he put his hand on the wall to support himself, letting out a small groan as he pressed his legs together, almost squirming where he stood.

‘How is it... so bad…? I can't... have to go so bad...’

Todoroki thought irritated yet amazed at just how weak his body had become no thanks to this ailment, he was so tired that his normally strong bladder wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. But then he remembered that it was his own fault for not taking the first piss of the day in the morning and having waited much to long and down those two bottles of water on top of it all. And now here he was paying the price and suffering from this damn fever. Forcing himself up, he started to walk again, but his pace was very slow as he had to pause for a moment when his bladder suddenly panged at him and made him nearly double over as he bounced on his heels a little bit.

'Where is the bathroom...?'

The pressure now completely agonizing and uncomfortable as Todoroki kept his legs pressed tightly together, crossing one over the other as he stared at the floor, unable to believe of the situation he found himself in. But he had to keep going… he had to find the restroom, and fast before anyone got to see him like this.

“Todoroki!” Todoroki quietly gasped as soon as he heard your voice, freezing where he stood as he reluctantly turned to face you approaching him with a very concerned look. No, no, why did you have to find him? Why did you have to have a detection quirk?

“There you are! I told Aizawa-sensei that you weren’t feeling good… he isn’t happy that you got up and left but he told me to take you to Recovery Girl.” You gently said, putting your hand over his forehead, which made him tremble a little bit when you touched him again. “Ooh... you’re burning up, I need to get you there fast… come on let's go together…” You attempted to try and help him and reached your hand out for him to take, but Todoroki just smacked it away. He hated it, it hurt him knowing that he just hurt the girl he had feelings for, but he couldn’t afford to let you see him in such a pathetic state.

“Stop. I can get there myself… I don’t need your help.” Todoroki urged you to back off, giving you the coldest look he could muster as a look of hurt came over your face as you looked down sadly. Todoroki felt so guilty when he saw this, but of course it felt more like a knife to the heart. However, enough was enough. You weren’t putting up with this anymore. So you gripped his shoulder, looking him right in the eyes.

“Todoroki. With all due respect you need to stop being a smug jerk and just let me help you, I’ve had it with your attitude and I'm not putting up with it anymore. You’re not feeling well, I’m taking you to Recovery Girl whether you want my help or not. End of story. You got that?” You asserted yourself with one of your own serious looks which surprised Todoroki as he widened his eyes just a little bit. But the jolt from your grip and the surprise made him lose it for just a second as he felt the smallest dribble of piss settle in his underwear as he quietly gasped and crossed his legs tightly, doubling over in pain and wrapping an arm around his lower stomach as he desperately suppressed the smallest whimper when he got a hold of himself again.

You gasped out loud, now feeling guilty when you thought that you caused that but you were oblivious to what his true need was, as you believed that he needed to throw up or something; you were only half-right as Todoroki felt so on edge he thought he was going to vomit from all of this stress that was making him tremble. “Todoroki! Oh God… I’m sorry! Come on… the Nurse’s room isn’t far…!” Gently, you put your hand on his back to try and encourage him to walk just a little further, and Todoroki had no choice but to comply as he took baby-steps with you until you both finally made it to the Nurse’s room.

“Oh my… [L/N]-chan, Todoroki-kun looks exhausted.” Recovery Girl sounded rather worried when seeing the state Endeavor's youngest child was in, but even she couldn’t tell what Todoroki needed because his sweating, flushed face and mildly pained expression masked his desperation.

“I think he might have a fever ma’am…” You expressed your concern as the old woman had Todoroki sit on one of the beds, even though it was increasingly difficult for him as he trembled where he sat and Recovery Girl had his temperature taken as she analyzed the symptoms and had her young assistant help her check his heartbeat that was quicker than normal. You noticed how pretty she was, a lovely little blonde thing with the prettiest grey eyes you've ever seen, but neither you nor Todoroki saw her staring at the two of you as she put some white flowers in a nearby vase before walking back over to you and Recovery Girl.

The minutes moved agonizingly slow as Todoroki tried his best to not squirm where he sat even though it was getting difficult as he quietly whimpered when you were talking to the nurse. He could feel the bit of dampness in his boxers, it was just teasing him as his cheeks burned with shame when he realized that even if it was just a little bit, he still pissed himself a little bit. Todoroki Shouto, the youngest son of Endeavor, and practically already out of school and all grown up was on the verge of pissing himself and it was humiliating. And you were there too, God he couldn’t imagine the humiliation, he just wanted you to leave and not see him like this…

“Yes, it is a mild fever at best. Todoroki-kun, I want you to stay here and rest, I’m going to find you some medicine to take, and as soon as you get to your dormitory, you must rest, take the medicine I give you and not do anything active or go outside for at least 3 days. Understand?” She advised the young student as he looked up at the old woman, nodding as he crept one of his fists near his mid thighs, not wanting to hold himself like some child no matter how badly he wanted to. Especially not in front of three females. Especially not in front of you.

“Thank you ma’am. Todoroki, I’m going to go tell Aizawa-sensei, but I’ll come back for you.” You said in a sweet tone that made Todoroki’s heart melt as he looked at you with a soft look you hadn’t seen in a while as you smiled at him.

“In the meantime you get some rest now young man.” Recovery Girl said before she decided to give him the space and left you and him be. Trying not to chuckle however, correctly thinking that the two of you were most definitely in love, so she didn’t tell you to leave.

However, this just made Todoroki increasingly nervous once he saw that you were still in here, “I’ll be back okay?” You said one last time before you left the room, and now Todoroki was more than relieved to finally be alone. Even though he was reaching his limit, his fatigued body feeling too weak to hold on for any longer as he sat on the bed, crossing his legs over each other as tight as his body would let him as he stared down at his lap, panting slightly and sweating profusely from both his fever and the strain of holding it in. He was alone now, he could finally take care of this issue because of the bathroom this lounge provided. His shy bladder might be a problem, but he was alone at the moment so he felt confident that he would be able to pee in peace without anyone interrupting him especially since this bathroom only had one toilet.

Slowly, Todoroki braced himself and carefully stood up, but the action caused a sudden spurt of pee to leave him and quickly dampened his boxers as the dual-haired boy gasped aloud this time and sat back down on the bed. Bringing a hand down to hold himself, gripping his crotch and squirming in his seat as he crossed his legs again, just barely managing to cut off the stream that completely soaked the front of his boxers. Panting, Todoroki looked down and didn’t see a spot on his front yet, but he could feel the warm wetness that partially drenched his boxers and dribbled into his inner thighs. He just knew that he was going to piss himself at any moment soon as his bladder relentlessly kept panging at him to let the rest out. Now.

‘If I stand up… I-I’ll wet myself…’

Todoroki thought with dread, now starting to panic when he realized that his body wasn’t cooperating with him at all, not while he was sick like this. He couldn’t even stand to walk to the bathroom no matter how badly he wanted to. If he wet himself, someone would find out, and you were going to come back. He couldn’t let you see him wet himself, he couldn’t. He’d rather die than let that happen. With a low whimper, Todoroki held himself with both hands as he stared at the floor with his legs pressed together, double crossing them and keeping his grip on his crotch tight as he tried to think of what he could possibly do as he searched the room.

‘N-No... I can’t… I can’t wet myself at this age… I'm too old for that... I’m going to... graduate...'

The thoughts filled his head and an overwhelming sense of panic began to shake his entire being as horrifying images came to his head while he squirmed and kept both hands in his groin. He was all grown up, and a training hero at Yuuei, he hasn’t wet himself since he was 5 years old, and that was a one time thing after his father scolded it out of him. There was no way he was going to let that happen again when he was this old now and about to graduate.

His eyes then settled on a nearby desk beside the bed he sat at that had a vase occupying it with three rather lovely white daffodils inside. Todoroki let the thought cross his mind for a moment, and he blushed darkly when he realized what he was considering. He shook his head, thinking that there was no way he could ever do such a vile thing. In school, and in the nurse’s lounge. He’d rather wet himself than degrade himself to such a desperate level, yet he couldn’t stop staring at the vase…

'What the hell am I thinking?! I can't... I can't do such a thing... I-I can't...

Todoroki reconsidered what little options he had, at least until his overfull, aching bladder answered him by releasing another forceful spurt of urine into his already damp boxers, making him gasp in horror as he felt piss beginning to seep through his fingers and he widened his eyes when he saw a wet spot beginning to form at the front of his pants. It became clear that he couldn't stop this next stream that was coming to soak him entirely if he didn't act fast.

‘I can’t hold it anymore…!’

He thought somewhat frantically in his head, as he tried desperately to hold back the flow and although it slowed down, it wasn’t going to stop, he knew it wouldn't and he had to do it. Reluctantly, he released one hand from his crotch, standing up for a moment and shifting from foot to foot, doing a very obvious potty dance as he reached for the vase. With no time to spare, Todoroki spilled out the flowers and water, letting them fall to the floor as he lowered his pants to his knees, yanking his still spurting member out of his drenched boxers and brought it over the mouth of the vase and let go as his stream immediately began to flow heavily into the empty vase.

“A-ahhhhh...! oohhhh…” Todoroki softly moaned in intense relief now that he was finally relieving himself as he tried to ignore the hissing sound of his piss loudly filling the vase and echoing in the empty room and the smell that was beginning to linger now thanks to his flowing stream. It wasn’t dignified at all but he was so desperate that he couldn’t help it and now he could finally just piss in content. Embarrassed, he stared at himself and as soon as he saw the desperately thick stream pouring out of him, he quickly looked away as his face burned with the shame of what he was doing. Here he was, Todoroki Shouto, peeing in a vase where anyone could come in at any time and potentially ruin him if they wanted to. And then his father… what would his father think?

The thought nearly made him lock up, but his tired bladder didn’t allow it as his flow poured out of him, loudly splashing into the vase that was filling rapidly with his urine. Todoroki could not deny the amazing relief that made his body tremble, but with pleasure instead of pain as the pleasant feeling overwhelmed him. Relaxing, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back slightly, letting out another soft sigh of relief in between heavy pants as he just kept peeing. Relief never felt so good, he almost wished that this feeling never went away as he completely forgot about everything else in the moment and just let the sweet release wash over him.

“Hey! Todoroki, I talked to Aizawa-sensei, he’s coming to-…” You quickly walked in and opened the curtains to tell the news to your classmate, only to be interrupted by a faint smell of ammonia and the audible, tinkling sound of water dripping as you looked at Todoroki in confusion. Your eyes widening once they settled on his stance as he shakily stood with a vase in his hand and using his other hand to hold his leaking boyhood carefully at the vase's entrance as your face suddenly turned bright red once you saw the glistening, pale stream of urine pouring from the tip of his penis which you realized was where the noise was coming from.

Although you were shocked, you took the moment to see the look on his face when you realized that he didn’t seem to notice that you were there as Todoroki still had his eyes closed, looking extremely relieved as his mouth hung open a little bit, his eyebrows furrowed back slightly in relief. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that he must have been really desperate for a piss as your eyes trailed back down involuntarily, and you could see his bare, leaking member again.

In that moment, your eyes widened again, and you threw a hand to your mouth when you suddenly squeaked once it became apparent that not only did you see your classmates genitals on near-full display, but you were more or less watching him piss too. And why was that beginning to excite you? But as soon as you made that noise, Todoroki’s eyes finally opened, and they began to widen once he saw your blushing face staring right at him as your eyes met, a silent gasp left his agape mouth as his face took on a look of horror.

“…” You were speechless and blushing heavily. You lowered your mouth in an attempt to say something, but you were absolutely unable to say a word or even form a sentence as the splashing sound of urine was much too distracting for you to even think of what to say. The uncomfortable feeling of tingles running down your back did nothing to help as you shook a little bit, unable to take your eyes off of him. But you were so dazed that you almost didn’t notice the sheer look of humiliation on your poor classmate’s face.

“N-No…” Todoroki’s whole face instantly flushed beetroot red as he quivered visibly for you to see even as he held the vase he was still helplessly peeing in, feeling mortified tears involuntarily prick his eyes when he realized that you had caught him in the act. The girl he had feelings for was seeing him, half naked and pissing in a vase like some sort of vile little 5 year old who couldn't do it in a proper bathroom. Shame shook him to his core as the humiliation made his stream unsteady as the vase shook in his hand, causing his urine to sputter and fill the vase to it’s very top. He tried desperately to stop the flow, but to no avail as he just kept peeing, and peeing for you to gaze upon…

As if the world didn’t hate him enough, Aizawa quietly stepped in right behind you, wondering what was going on before he saw the sight before him, his student, exposed and urinating into a vase with another one of his students having to witness such a thing. For once the man flinched slightly, his eyes widening just a bit in shock. “Oh my God…” In an almost fatherly way, Aizawa quickly put his hand over your wide eyes to spare you from seeing this, and hopefully to spare Todoroki the embarrassment of being seen during a private moment, even though he knew it much was too late for that.

Quivering and choking on a sob, Todoroki shut his eyes as tears streamed down his burning cheeks, his body shaking with fresh sobs as his stream uncontrollably kept pouring out and made the vase overflow, spilling out the corners and making warm rivulets of his piss ebb down his fingers and audibly dripping to the floor.

“N-No, don’t! Don't look…! D-Don’t look! Don’t look at me…! Don’t look at me!” He suddenly cried and hung his head low in shame, pleading for you and his teacher to just go away as the vase slipped out of his hands and spilled the contents of his piss to the floor. Todoroki gasped and he clutched his still spurting member in a poor attempt to stop the stream, but just succeeded in making his piss spray through his fingers, flooding down his legs and wetting the rest of his pants. His soaked legs trembled as warm urine trailed down his calves and began seeping into his socks and shoes, streaming into the growing puddle on the floor caused by the spilt, piss-filled vase, making him whimper and quietly sob as he covered his face with his arm.

Aizawa acted somewhat quickly, "Come on. Let's go [L/N]. Hurry up. Out, now." The pro-hero blushed in secondhand embarrassment for his embarrassed student as he averted his eyes and shielded you from seeing him any further as he hurriedly walked you towards the exit and to give Todoroki his privacy as the two of you left in complete awkward silence.

Although your eyes were still wide with shock and awe once you had left the room, but when you heard Todoroki, the Todoroki Shouto, crying, your heart swelled with sympathy for the poor boy. You wanted to go back in and hug him, tell him it was all okay, but you couldn’t right now, not when he was miserable and trying to at least have a few moments of shame by himself.

Todoroki sniffled and silently cried as his stream finally started to slow after an entire minute and a half as the dribbles and sound of splashing finally stopped and the room was silent once again, save for his little whimpers and sniffles. His hand was disgustingly wet now though, and as he lowered his arm to see the damage he’d done, a 2 foot nearly clear puddle of piss that had previously been in the vase he attempted to relieve himself into, mixing in with the water and flowers that had been in the vase beforehand. And on top of that, you saw everything. His crush, saw everything, and the more he thought about it, the more tears came to his eyes as he sat back down on the bed and softly sobbed alone.

—X—

After such an awkward moment you were advised to go back to class, walking back with your eyes still wide and silent. As 3 hours passed you had no idea how long it had been since what just happened. But you knew that classes were over as everyone had returned to their dormitories, and they were none the wiser to what you had just seen and refused to tell anyone even though your friends Uraraka, Kirishima and Midoriya were worried and thought you must have had a fever since you couldn’t get rid of the red flush on your cheeks. However, you gently reassured them that it was nothing and eventually they did believe you despite what you were really thinking about.

"Are you all right [L/N]? And... Todoroki... is he all right? You were with him last right? Did... something happen? You look a little feverish..." Midoriya had asked you in concern, because he was well aware that Todoroki had an obvious crush on you for the past three years now, and he knew that you had feelings for him too. He could tell that you were acting weird, and Todoroki didn't speak a word to anyone once he came back to the dorms, and he hasn't seen him since he went to his room. He knew that something was up. And although you attempted to hold your tongue, you didn't quite think first before you spoke.

"Pee..." It slipped through your mouth, and you covered it as soon as that word left.

"P-Pee?!" Midoriya immediately blushed even as you shook your head and your hands frantically. "P-Piercings! I said piercings! I want a piercing! T-That's what I told Todoroki... D-Don't worry Midoriya! I-I'm fine! W-We just talked a little about p-pe… piercings... like I said..." You quickly faked a laugh, trying to cover up your little mistake even though you were quietly pleading with Midoriya to not mention it to anyone else, even if you didn't tell him really anything, he still understood, having gone through a very similar experience himself not long ago. So he kept your secret, even though he was starting to feel really bad for Todoroki now...

Speaking of which. After managing to speak with and comfort his mortified student, Aizawa had told you to keep quiet about this, and despite your slip with Midoriya, you were going to do just that: keep quiet because you did not want Todoroki to be more humiliated than he was already, and secretly, you wanted to be the only person to have known what just happened and the only person to have ever seen Todoroki during perhaps his most vulnerable. Although, for some reason it felt as if your teacher was feeling a lot of sympathy for his student as you swore you saw him blushing after what he just saw, as if he were just as embarrassed as Todoroki was. You didn't know why, but Todoroki was just glad that Aizawa made it clear that nobody was going to learn about this. But of course, even though you were going to hold your tongue about this, it didn't mean you were able to stop thinking about it.

The image remained fresh in your mind as you recollected the sight of your crush, Todoroki peeing in that vase and shamefully wetting himself with his beautiful heterochromatic eyes full of glimmering tears and his cheeks furiously flushed as red as the left side of his hair. He somehow looked even more beautiful and just plain adorable all embarrassed and flustered like that, and yet he also looked so miserable and humiliated because you walked in on him during a moment that should have been private. It excited and shamed you for finding the poor guy's humiliation adorable, but at least you had one goal now. Even if Todoroki didn't like you the way you liked him, the least you could do was apologize to him as you set off and kept focused to let your quirk find him for you.

You were surprised however, when your quirk led to his room. But then you assumed that he was following Recovery Girl's advice by staying in his room and taking the medicine she had given him. As you pondered your thoughts, Todoroki sat alone in his room on his bed, wiping away any tears that had sprung again as he tried to shake off the embarrassment from the 'incident' that happened as he hid from the world, even though the only witnesses to the ‘incident’ that occurred in the nurse’s lounge were you and Aizawa, and Recovery Girl to a lesser extent. She didn't see it happen (to her relief) but she saw the remnants but didn't get upset with the boy at all, she was very understanding although she did have it cleaned so the room didn't smell like urine.

It occurred more than 3 hours ago, and yet it felt like it was just seconds ago. He couldn't shake it off though, he was so embarrassed and just wanted to die now that you saw everything, from his genitals to his stream of piss.

This was officially the worst day of his life. Wanting to just forget everything, he lied down on his bed, trying to close his eyes and forget despite the nagging voice in his head saying how badly he just wanted to disappear and never be seen again by you. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he was honestly considering transferring to another school just so he wouldn't have to see you again after the way he shamed himself in the worst way possible in front of you.

Meanwhile, you stood outside of his dorm, taking a deep breath as you prepared yourself and carefully knocked on his door. "T-Todoroki..." You gently called his name. And he gasped when he heard your voice, which immediately sent a new batch of tears to his eyes as he wiped them as quickly as he could and kept silent where he lied. Why was he getting so worked up? And why did he have to pee in front of you? Why did you have to see him do such a thing? Why did it have to be you?

Todoroki didn't dare make a sound. He couldn't face you after what happened, he just couldn't, so he covered his mouth with his hand so he wouldn't make any noise and hopefully you would go away. "Todoroki... I know you're in there... I know you're not asleep... please... I... I need to say something…" You didn't mean to sound so pushy, but you didn't want Todoroki to be so hard on himself because you knew how embarrassed he was over what happened.

Even though he shouldn't have, Todoroki uncovered his mouth to reply. “[L/N]. Please.... just leave me alone... I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.” Todoroki tried to sound cold, but the humiliation in his tone and the small crack in his voice made his attempt fail.

“But I came to say I’m sorry!” You quickly blurted out, blushing heavily just thinking about it, as you stood behind his door because the last thing you wanted was to make him feel worse about what happened. However, that really surprised him, you wanted to apologize? When he should have been the one apologizing? Not just for pissing in front of you, but for being so cold to you too.

“I… I interrupted you during a private moment and I… well… Todoroki it pains me to see you like this…” You said a little softer, even though Todoroki wished you couldn’t see him at all. After what you just saw from him, he wished you couldn’t ever see him again. He was disgusting AND pathetic. There's no way you would ever return his feelings now, not after how he treated you and he shamed himself in front of you.

“I know it’s embarrassing but… that’s why I’m apologizing… I see you and I just see how humiliated you are and it’s because I just came in, without even asking…” As you talked, Todoroki was starting to feel guilty because that obviously wasn’t your fault. He shouldn’t have even attempted to piss in that vase in the first place, he should have just told you he needed the bathroom and maybe this could have been avoided. But unfortunately, this happened… and he wished it didn’t.

“I've been pushier lately... even though I should know better than that... I should have given you your space, and maybe this wouldn't have happened, so... I’m sorry Todoroki… I’m so sorry for that...” You apologized sincerely, looking rather sad and thinking that you had just ruined your friendship with the dual-haired boy but then you perked up when you saw the door open just a crack, you couldn't see him but you knew he was standing right behind his door.

“No.” His voice was soft, as if he was trying to keep it level and not break down again. “It wasn’t your fault… you didn't know. It was my fault… for doing something so childish... I'm so disgusting... it wasn't your fault at all...” He said with a tone that sounded self-loathing as he stared at the floor, feeling tears coming back to his eyes, and he didn't see you shake your head.

"Hey don't say that about yourself... it was an accident... and you're sick, it's not like your body's going to do what you want it to do... the temperature drops dramatically at night because it's still winter... I mean... Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei were out for a couple of days with a friend of their's just last month because they were in the cold for too long during a night out." You said to make him feel better, but Todoroki didn't feel like he deserved your sympathy.

"I shouldn't let something as simple as a fever weaken me though... especially not enough to..." Todoroki involuntarily paused as he bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes to force back the tears as he took a deep breath, calming himself down enough to speak. "Do that... I'm the one who should be apologizing." That surprised you, but then you assumed that maybe he felt guilty for being kind of mean to you. "I'm sorry [L/N]... I'm sorry for what you saw... but... I'm also sorry for how I treated you..." Todoroki shakily but apologized sincerely, even though he wanted to see you, at the same time he was still too humiliated to do so.

He couldn't see your look of confusion, even though you were accepting of his apology. "Can I come in? I want to see you, and talk to you quieter so no one else could hear..." You politely requested, even though Todoroki was extremely reluctant, he did slowly open his door and let you into his room, but he didn't care look at you as his cheeks automatically flushed bright red just having you in here, especially after everything that's happened. So he kept his eyes on the floor and held his head low to avoid your gaze. Even you felt pretty awkward as you shyly looked away with a pink blush on your cheeks, it felt strange being in a boy's room, and especially after what you just saw said boy do only a couple of hours ago.

It was uncomfortably silent for a moment, but eventually you spoke up. "Why were you so distant? Did I... do something to offend you?" Finally you asked, and Todoroki felt his nerves beginning to haunt him again. But you deserved the explanation after everything, even though it was hard to muster up the bravery to just come out with it. He shakily sighed.

"You did nothing of the sort... I... I tried distancing myself from you because... Yaoyorozu told me that... these emotions I'm experiencing towards you are... a crush... she said that I should tell you about them, but I didn't know how to... and I was afraid of these feelings because I had never felt them towards anyone before..." Todoroki's already warmed cheeks burned hot as he finally confessed to you in his own way, and it became clear to you that he was more or less saying that he had a crush on you after some explanation from Yaoyorozu. The more you heard him, the more you blushed and widened your eyes even though Todoroki still couldn't look you in the eye. "I suppose I... I have feelings for you [L/N]." He said it, he finally confessed just like Yaoyorozu advised him to do. Yet, he desperately wished that it wasn't during this circumstance after utterly humiliating himself in front of you. There's no way you would return them. Why would you? He was a disgusting human being who couldn't even hold his bladder.

He couldn't see your shocked face, or the rising blush and grin sporting your face. "I'm sorry for being so cold to you... I'm sorry for... what happened today... you never should have seen such a thing..." Todoroki blushed as the humiliation crept on him again, but he gasped when he suddenly felt you wrap your arms around him as you hugged him gently and affectionately, making the boy blush even darker in complete disbelief.

"Todoroki... I... I like you too!" You exclaimed somewhat happily, unable to believe that your crush returned your feelings as you squealed happily as you held the very confused, shocked Todoroki. He almost didn't believe what he thought he just heard, you liked him too?

"I've... I've always liked you in fact... the first day we met... even though we weren't friends yet I... couldn't help it... I liked you, and when we became friends I was over the moon... but I was too shy to really say anything... even though it's true... I really do like you Todoroki..." You were shaking as you confessed, but you finally told him how you felt. Todoroki was still in shock, but he couldn't but feel extremely happy when he listened to your confession, even though the lingering shame still remained.

"But..." He nearly teared up again, really wishing that this didn't happen because he peed himself, and in front of you. "I... I wet myself... in front of you... even though boys should never do something like that in front of a girl..." Todoroki's voice grew soft, small and ashamed as he shook a little bit in your hug, unable to believe that you were hugging him after he pissed himself. He was so caught up in the embarrassment that he didn't notice a few stray tears fell down his face as you pulled away for a bit, smiling up at him as you wiped his tears away and looked him in the eyes.

You giggled a bit, trying not to think too hard about what Todoroki just reminded you of, the image coming back to your eyes, his sparkling stream and blushing face combined with that adorable flustered and embarrassed look he wore beautifully. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that that was probably one of the cutest things you had ever seen in your life, but you couldn't tell him that, you both weren't quite there yet. "It's okay... it didn't bother me at all. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Nothing wrong with that at all I swear. It's okay." Gently, you reassured him with a sweet, understanding tone that made Todoroki feel... safe, even though he was still a little embarrassed, he was also just really happy that you weren't looking at him any different.

Although, he couldn't quite stop blushing as he looked downwards again, "You... you won't tell anyone... will you...?" Todoroki shyly asked you, looking at you with somewhat pleading eyes as you smiled kindly and shook your head. "No way. This is our little secret, I swear on my grave." You affirmed and stood on your toes to give him a kiss on the forehead, making his eyes widen and his face flush yet again as he appeared rather stunned for a little bit.

"I'm... relieved that... you return my feelings." A small smile came to his lips as he carefully leaned over you to return the favor by giving you a little kiss on your forehead, making you blush and squeal in joy. Although you were frozen for a little bit until Todoroki brought you back to him, unable to fight a small cough itching in his throat.

"Ah! Oh right... you're still sick... you poor thing..." You frowned when you remembered that this all happened because your poor Todoroki was feverish and not feeling well, albeit, he was feeling better now that he told you how he felt, and now that he wasn't desperate to piss anymore. "Can... you stay with me...?" Todoroki found himself asking, looking rather shy when he asked that and feeling somewhat childish for even asking such a thing. But it just made you smile as you nodded happily as you hugged him again. "Of course I will." You mumbled in his chest as Todoroki slowly returned your hug, putting his arms around you as he softly smiled.

After a while of hugging, eventually you pulled away so you could go and bring him some cold water and things for his fever, as he lied in his bed with a warm, fluttering feeling in his chest. He couldn't tell if it was just the fever or the tenderness he felt for you as he smiled when you came back to him, but he knew the joy he felt just being with you was real, despite everything that happened. Maybe it was for the best, if it weren't for his fever, or his accident he probably wouldn't have had the chance to confess to you, and he wouldn't be here with you. He looked at you again as you smiled at him, Todoroki didn't know why, but he found himself leaning forward to you as you did the same with a shy smile, before the two of you closed your eyes and kissed each other gently.

But the two of you shyly pulled away as soon as you realized what you both just did. Still, you both smiled at each other and you giggled a little bit, which filled Todoroki's heart with relieved joy.

Maybe today wasn't the worst day of his life after all.

259 notes · View notes

spideyanakin · 3 years

Text

Silent Britain - Chapter 4

Tom Holland x Reader

Series Masterlist 🍒

Normal Masterlist 🧚🏻‍♀️

Summary: You’re pretty new to Hollywood, finally getting a role in a blockbuster Martin Scorsese film, working alongside some of the biggest actors in the game. To your surprise, Tom Holland is playing your love interest in the high-stakes British Gangster film. Eventually, you and Tom become love interests outside the film, but is it too difficult to keep a relationship in all your new found success? Or will you and Tom find your happy ever after?

"No." You shook your head. "Im afraid that we'll break each other's hearts."

"Y/n they need you on set." as if on cue an assistant called out and you apologized to him with your eyes before slipping away from his fingers.

A week had passed since that kiss you shared. Your fears of actually taking a step forward rising inside you each time you thought Tom would bring up the conversation. Or each time you slipped out of character while doing a scene with him.

That dance of feelings between you and Tom seemed to slowly affect your acting. Martin's comments that had gone from amazing, to try harder weren't making the situation any better.

Your feelings for Tom were getting in the way and you managed to channel them for scenes where you had to hate him, but for the ones where you had to love him, you would slip out of character in seconds. Too scared that it would create something even more awkward.

"How are you doing?" Anthony sat next to you with a cup of coffee in his hand. You handed him a tight smile and watched into the distance where Tom and Scorcese were talking.

"Good?" You blurted and looked over to Anthony's script that was full of notes and colorful highlights, feeling as though you were an awful actress compared to him.

"You don't have to lie to me." He smiled which warmed your heart. He didn't have to speak to you outside of filming, he was a renowned oscar winner and multiple times nominee actor. But he still did. He was sitting right next to you, telling you he was your friend and ready to listen.

"Im having a really hard time." You sighed liking how easy it was to be honest with him. The mentor relationship you had built up in your head becoming two-sided. "I think I'm having doubts about where to lead my character?" You placed your lips in a tight smile, speaking in half-truths. "I feel like she's letting herself fall in love too quickly." You pointed to your notes. "I didn't see her like that until now." You sighed as you looked over the words on your page.

"Well, how did you?" He wondered, watching you look at Tom who was standing in the distance.

"I saw her as this strong person, who wouldn't let her feelings get in the way of her career." You breathed out "like with helping her family business and things-" You blurted out to catch yourself and not making it sound obvious who you were truly talking about. "But now I think she's scared that her relationship will get in the way." You looked back to your script. "That once everything is resolved then their relationship will fade away..." You looked up again, this time trying to hold back the tears, almost forgetting that Anthony Hopkins was sitting next to you.

"Well, I think that their love is stronger than that." he folded his arms and looked back to Tom and then to you. "I think that your character might overthink things. I mean it's the first time she's been this in love isn't it?" He questioned and you nodded. "Well, I think she has found the love of her life. And isn't this whole story about them ending up together?" He wondered and you stayed quiet for a second, trying to unblur the lines between you and your character's story.

"I think she shouldn't let that love go, and stop being so scared." He smiled before Martin waved for the two of you to walk towards him. "I hope this helped. I mean Martin writes his characters and chooses his actors amazingly well, I think he paired you and Tom because he might have seen that sparks." He winked before patting your shoulder and waltzing up to the director, leaving you frozen behind him.

"He fucking knew I wasn't talking about my character" you whispered to yourself, Anthony laughing when he saw the look in your eyes after he turned back around and made eye contact with you.

You shook your head and quickly trotted to Martin, trying to avoid Tom as best as you could but Anthony's judging eyes seemed to pierce through you like swords.

"Here's some new lines you'll need to learn with Timothee."!He handed you the script before turning his stare to Anthony and then to Tom, and back to you. "We're leaving tomorrow, we've done our final scene on this set. And then after we've wrapped up there, we're headed to England." He nodded and you all nodded along. "And Y/n, you should work on your scenes with Hardy. Those are the first that are going to be shot after we land.”

"Ok I'll learn the new lines with Tim, and then pack my bags for tomorrow and talk with Hardy." You agreed, a large smile on your face, happy you were going to get to film at the beach for the next month or so.

See, the film took place in the popular '70s. The sunny location of Hawaii was quite a popular destination back then, and it felt like the perfect way to bring the action to a rise. So they were moving the sets to the beaches of the famous Hawaïan islands.

"But you don't understand!" Elizabeth screamed at her brother. "You have to help me, Joseph." Your character's desperate lines pierced through Timothee's character and he sent off a new line.

"I will."

"You will?" You stop quiet. "You're not mad?"

"No." Joseph gulped.

"That was good." You smiled as you broke the scene. "I like how he changed that whole top part." You pointed out.

"Maybe I could try with him changing his mind when he sees his sister really desperate after this line." He questioned you for help and you nodded. "Yeah! Maybe we could try?"

"Y/n, before we do this. I can see your head is somewhere else when you're acting with Tom." He sighed dropping his script on his coffee table. "Even in this scene when you talk about his character I see it in your eyes." He folded his arms and looked to you.

"Tim-"

"No. I'm your friend and you're talking to me about this."

"Im scared." You fell on his couch, desperate to let your feelings out. "Scared that we're both too in character and that's what this whole 'I got feelings for you' thing is" You looked away knowing your statement was plain stupid.

"Bullshit." You scoffed at his choice of language. "You're scared because you've never felt that way about anyone, and you're scared that you'll mess it up." He folded his arms and looked up to you. "Even Martin says it."

"Martin?" You raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! I heard him talk with Hardy and Anthony about this!"

"That's why he talked to me." You realized. "Scorsese asked him too!" You jumped on your feet and madly pointed to Timothee.

"No, I was there. Anthony said he was going to try and talk to you about it. He wanted to do it-"

"You were there? You said you heard them!" You cut him, almost screaming at this point.

"Y/n-" He took a step closer to you.

"Why is everyone trying to play cupid! It's my life!" You screamed.

"Because it's affecting your acting!" He screamed back trying to get some sense into you "And Tom's! He's sad all the time can't you see it!?"

"Sad?" You calmed down and finally made eye contact with him.

"He wants to be with you! And you're pushing him away because you're scared!" He moved his arms around as he tried to explain and finally get some sense into you.

"I-" The words seemed to be stuck in the back of your throat and you looked everywhere but his eyes. "Let's rehearse Tim. We need to work on this scene."

"No! I won't do it until you admit to me that you love him and you're going to tell him." He folded his arms and stood in front of you like a tree.

"What if he rejects me? Because I did... Twice." You gulped, still looking at the floor where you had found a comforting pattern on the carpet.

"He loves you too much Y/n/n." Tim's voice got softer as he spotted the pain in your tone.

"How do you know that." You looked to your side, trying your best not to show him the tears that formed under your eyes.

"I see it in his eyes." Timothee placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and you turned your head to him, taking him into a hug as the tears finally fell.

"What if-" You sobbed onto his shoulder. "What if whatever we have fades away?" You folded your eyes as a sob escaped your lips. "I- I don't want this to just be a 'we're in our characters' thing." You cried again and Tim rubbed comforting circles on your back, trying his best to find the right words.

"It's going to be alright." He said and pulled you away so he could make eye contact with you. "I don't believe for one second that this is just a character thing. Did you see the way you interacted with each other at Martin's dinner?" He chuckled in disbelief. "The way he looked at you." He squeezed your shoulders. "Trust me, he puts his feelings for you in his performance as Jonathan- But it's not the other way around."

"Maybe I should talk to him then." You sniffed wiping your eyes with the back of your hand as you pulled away from his embrace.

"You should." He smiled before handing you a box of tissues that you gladly took. "Now onto those scenes." He chuckled as he took the thick scripts from the table and handed it to you.

The rest of the evening went on as normal. At least that's what you told yourself. Tom was busy on set, filming his last few scenes on that studio before he was ready to pack his bags and head to Hawaii. In the meanwhile, you had just finished rehearsing with Tim, the pressure of having to talk to Tom staying lodge at the bottom of your stomach.

"Alright, so you'll go? Promise?"

"Yes," You nodded as you held onto your script. "I'll go talk to him. I'll see you at dinner" You smiled before opening the door and leaving Timothee alone to pack his bags.

You walked onto the parking lot of the set, the sunset sky bringing a certain comfort to you as the only sounds that rang in your ears were the ones of your heart beating so fast you were scared it would take flight.

You walked on set, your script still lodged tight in your fingers smiling when you spotted Helena Bohem Carter carefully watching Tom act with Daniel Craig.

"Oh hey!" Martin's assistant whispered and suddenly took your shoulders, bringing you outside of the set to talk without bothering the actors or director. "Martin told me to give you this." She looked through her papers before slipping out a few thin pages. "He made some changed to the script on one of your scenes with Tom Hardy." She pressed her lips together as a smile. "I just need to find him and give you both the instructions." Her stare suddenly went from your eyes to behind your shoulder "Oh, there he is! Perfect! Tom!" She waved to him as she spotted his figure. "Martin asked me to bring you this." She smiled as she handed a double of what she had just handed you. "It's a new scene after Jules finds out about Elisabeth and Jonathan, Martin wanted your character to try and push Elizabeth out of love, instead of just making him angry." He chuckled as she read through her notes. "He thought this could add more intensity to the father/daughter relationship. He wants this scene for the first day we start shooting in Hawaii."

"Alright sounds good." Hardy nodded before turning to you. "Shall we start?"

"Hey Tim, do you know where Y/n is? I really need to talk to her, I feel like we've just been ignoring each other for the past week" Tom sighed as he walked across Tim right outside of set.

"Isn't she with you?" He wondered. "I thought she was going to talk to you? You didn't see her on set?"

"I think I spotted her but an assistant was talking with her and brought her out of the room." He shook his head as he began to wonder where in the world you could possibly be.

"Um, maybe she's working on something, I don't know." He looked around. "Martin called me in before dinner im really sorry." He bounced on his heels as he pointed to the set door. "I really have to go, but I'm sure she's around somewhere." He smiled before almost rushing out, catching himself as something came to his mind. "But she wanted to talk to you" He turned to face Tom. "She really wants to fix things." In one glance, Tom understood what was on Timothee's mind and he nodded, hope and happiness suddenly settling inside him.

Tom walked around like a lost soul, he knocked on your door but all the lights were out and no sign from you. He talked to Finn, who was as much in a rush as Tim; Martin must have needed the two brothers, Tom thought. He even managed to catch Helena who just said the same thing 'Haven't seen her since she came to the set'. He walked like a stray cat in the middle of the wagons, thinking of where you could possibly be. But suddenly, your soft voice came from a slightly opened trailer window and arrived to his ears.

He took a second before realizing it was your voice, smiling when he finally found you. He looked around that trailer and spotted 'Tom Hardy' in bulk letters on the front door, everything making sense. You were working on a scene with him; Martin had said the first scene that was shot in Hawaii was going to be between Jules and Elizabeth, that's why you were nowhere to be found.

But the next words that Tom heard brought a mix of furiousness and anger in him.

"But what about us?" Hardy replied with all joy stripped from his tone.

'That's not a line in the script' Tom thought as his fingers started bringing themselves into a fist.

"But, I love him-" You almost cried out, hope coming back in Tom, but sudden anger towards Hardy bubbling up, and jealousy rising.

"How is he more important than this?" Inside the trailer, you were working on the brand new scene Martin had given you.

The scene was set in a small bush of trees in Hawaii, where Jules; Tom Hardy's character was trying to get some sense back to his daughter when he had spotted Jonathan and her together two scenes prior.

"Im asking it again. How is he more important than this." He pointed around the room as though the rest of the mob family was standing a few meters away. And Tom who was still outside couldn't take another second of it, leaving in a fury.

"Dad, you don't understand." You cried out, bursting out all your feelings. Oh if Tom had heard the next sentence.

"I think I do." He stammered. "Do you realize that they've soiled an entire batch of cocaine?" He almost screamed at your face and you trembled as your character fully took over and the acting flew freely.

In the meanwhile, Tom had made his way back to his trailer, grumbling things in a language even he didn't recognize.

'How dare he come between us?' he wondered as the madness took over him, slamming his trailer door when he got there. It made sense. You were going to tell Tom how you felt, but Hardy was in the way. Right?

The first thing that he thought of doing was angrily grabbing his script and flipping the pages, desperate to find the similarity between the words that had been shared, but nothing. His worst nightmare was happening, someone was trying to come between you and him.

"Have you seen Tom?" You asked once you were all settled in the dining room.

"Hardy? He's right there." Finn pointed to behind your shoulder and you folded your eyes and shook your head. "No, Holland." You chuckled. "I can't find him anywhere and I really need to talk to him."

"Oh finally." Finn sighed in relief and you rolled your eyes at his comment. "And no I haven't seen him anywhere. Maybe check his trailer." He pointed out and as if on cue Tim entered the conversation.

"Whatcha talking about?" He pressed in with a large grin.

"She's going to go talk to Tom." Finn wiggled his eyebrows and Timothee's face lighted up with a smile.

"Oooooh you go girl." He winked and you rolled your eyes before slipping out of the room and into the quiet parking lot.

It took everything in you to finally knock on Tom's trailer door, bouncing up and down on your feet in anxiety.

"Hey! um-" You smiled once he opened the door, fumbling with your sleeves as you looked everywhere but his angry eyes.

Suddenly the door closed right on you, every fiber in your body freezing as you tried to understand what Tom had just done.

"Tom what the heck." You lightly punched the door with your fist, his actions slowly breaking your heart. "I want to talk to you."

"I don't." He blurted out like an angry toddler and you stood there like an idiot, tears about to fall.

"Please?" You rested your hand on his door. You sniffed waiting for an answer but nothing seemed to come. “I’m sorry."

You stood there for a few minutes, lost. Wondering what in the world could have gotten Tom so mad. Sure you blew him off twice, but he hadn’t been mad at you for it, and never so angry.

"Alright, well im going to go-" You choked on your words before wiping your tears with the back of your hand. "I'll see you tomorrow"

Taglist: @averyfosterthoughts @loxbbg @musicandbokkslovingweirdo @yourwonderbelle @astras-world @autty0314 @poorlittlesuperstar @rebeccamckirgan99 @xherosxvillainsx @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @onewithnomightypowers @a-phan-of-youtube @theobssessiveweirdo @zedqkyu @nophunleague @spideylovin @martinafigoli @smilealways19 @ziggyspurplehaze @meg-holland @marvelousharryy @mixer2b @denise1605 @galacticstxrdust @lustgardn

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader fluff #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland x you #Tom Holland x y/n #Peter Parker #peter parker x reader #Peter Parker x you #Peter Parker x y/n #Peter Parker imagine #series #th #pp #silent britain

62 notes · View notes