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brunnerasposts · 2 years

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"Pancakes for Dinner"

S.H. x Female Reader

Summary: You prepare a confession to Steve in your bathroom mirror to which he ends up overhearing

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: st2-4 spoilers, friends to lovers, fluff

Additional Notes: this was inspired by the song Pancakes for Dinner by Lizzy McAlpine. It's a really cute song and I recommend giving it a listen! I also hope you enjoy this fanfic! It was a struggle to write and idk if I like how it turned out. It's just kinda there lol. Likes, comments, and reshares are always appreciated :)

Tags: @robschneiderfan bc she picked for me to write this one first lol

"Okay," You spoke to yourself, inhaling deeply as your grip on the bathroom sink tightened. Slowly, you closed your eyes and exhaled that breath in hopes of calming the sudden nerves that had developed in your body.

While decent in size, your bathroom suddenly felt as though it was suffocating you. From the bright fluorescents to the squeaky clean tiles, you felt out of place. Sure, you had panicked earlier today and scrubbed your bathroom clean top to bottom, but that was because you only wanted to invite him over to hang out. Impulsively, you had decided to invite over your best friend not to just hang out. You were planning to confess your feelings.

You had a massive crush on Steve Harrington.

Although you hadn't known Steve until these past two years, you both had gone through a lot together. From fighting demodogs to running from Russian commies, you both had experienced a lot of traumatic events. You both didn't truly recover after everything so you supported each other for comfort.

Sometimes Robin would hang out with you both, but it was usually just the two of you. She claimed that there was too much tension between you guys whenever she visited and it made her want to barf. You weren't even sure what she was talking about half the time.

Steve didn't like you, you knew that. With the charisma that boy had and his flirtatious manner, he would have begun flirting ages ago if he really did like you. No matter what reason you had, Robin didn't seem to care.

Before your mind could begin to think anymore negatively, you opened your eyes and stared at your reflection.

You had about fifteen or so minutes to quickly plan what you were going to say. It was now or never, right?

Taking another deep breath, you relaxed your once tense shoulders and acted as though Steve was in front of you.

"Steve," You began, your voice cracking so you cleared it and started again. "Steve, can we talk?" You asked the mirror, the silence filling your head. Pretending that he said yes, you sighed softly.

"I don't wanna be forward," You gulped softly, your grip on the sink loosening, "and I don't wanna cross a line." You chose your words cautiously, not wanting to risk messing up and causing that to happen for the real confession. "I don't want to say too much, so..." You groaned out in frustration as you were at a loss for words.

You brought your hands to your face, hiding behind them. "God, why is this so scary to tell you?" You asked no one in particular. It wasn't like you had never confessed to a guy before. The only difference was, Steve was too good to lose. If he didn't feel the same way, would things become awkward?

"I'll just say something else." You told yourself, waving your hand as if to smack away the imaginary thought bubbles over your head. Deciding your mirror tactic wasn't working, you reached into a cabinet and began to search for some sort of perfume or deodorant. Was it hot in there?

God, this was so stupid!

You shouldn't have to be standing in your bathroom, prepping a speech just to tell some guy you like him. Even if it was Steve, what difference did he make from everyone else?

"What the hell do I have to lose if I just tell you?" You asked, knowing the answer to that question.

Him.

You could lose Steve. All the memories you guys once shared would be just that. Memories. Not a single one would be made after this, you were sure.

"I—" You cut yourself off, hesitant to even speak. What could you say? You didn't want to come right out and just tell him the way you felt. You wanted to ease into it and not scare him off. Maybe describe what you wanted to do with him if he felt the same way?

Daydreamed scenarios began to replay in your mind, making you smile. "I wanna have pancakes for dinner." You began, chuckling to yourself over how silly that sounded. What other slightly silly stuff could you say?

"I want to get stuck inside your head," It only seemed fair as he was always stuck inside your head.

"I want to have a song that we love together and we listen to it whenever we need cheering up or a reminder of the other." You hummed a bit, not even sure what song that would be for you both. Were you sounding slightly insane? Would he freak out if told all of this? It made you nervous.

"I don't think I should tell you this," You sighed, dragging a hand down your face in frustration. This wasn't usually this hard. It used to be a simple matter of 'Hey, I think you're really cute' but now it was so much harder because you actually knew him.

"God, I don't wanna say something weird or wrong." You looked at yourself in the mirror again, seeing the sudden fear in your own eyes. Irrational thoughts came in and out of your mind. What if he freaked and ran out? What if he laughed at you?What if he didn't feel the same way because he was still in love with Nancy?

That was way too real. You saw the way he looked at her. He may try and go out with different girls, but whenever he looked at Nancy, it was a longing gaze.

How could you possibly compete against her?

"But if you're still in love with her then—" Your voice hitched, "I think that I'll leave it there." You couldn't hate him if he did. They went over for almost two years. How could he not love her?

"If that is the case then, then I'll try to hide the way I feel." Your voice was soft, trembling slightly. It hurt to think of helping him find his next girl to go flirt with. It hurt to tell him that he should have fun on his dates. It hurt to give him advice on girls so he'd actually stay with them longer.

Maybe it was better that you remained friends. That's all he saw you as anyway.

"Well, maybe I won't have to say any of this." You hoped, giving yourself a small laugh as you imagined he would say it instead. The only reason it was funny was because you knew that couldn't happen.

As you finished your confessional speech in the mirror, you felt a lot better about the situation, more prepared in a sense. Turning, you opened the bathroom door to go wait for Steve only to find him standing right there in front of you with wide eyes.

You froze, knowing very well just how thin your bathroom door was. "H-How long were you standing there?" You stammered, itching your arm in sudden nervousness.

When he didn't say anything, your heart practically leaped in fear. "It's actually a funny story!" You quickly spoke, laughing nervously as you tried to come up with some sort of explanation for the things you said. It was clear that he heard enough to know it was him who you were talking about.

"There was this uh...this project! Yeah, a project in English where she wanted us to...feel like we were having a conversation." You began, laughing nervously, "And I was like 'That's way too crazy, teach!'. And she was all like, 'Y/N I'm very serious about my assignments', so I wanted to be sure my grade came out okay you know?"

As you continued to babble on with this random excuse you had created, Steve stepped forward and silenced you by pressing his lips onto yours. It shocked you to your very core. What was he doing? Why was he suddenly kissing you? His hands cupped your face gently, moving slowly and kissing softly as to not freak you out entirely.

It was a little late for that though.

Realizing that you weren't kissing back, he slowly pulled away and looked at you with worried eyes. "I really hope that story isn't true otherwise I just kissed you like an idiot." He whispered, searching your eyes for some kind of confirmation.

It took a long few seconds for you to even comprehend the fact that Steve Harrington had just kissed you. Slowly, you shook your head, confusion overcoming you. "I don't understand. Aren't you in love with Nancy?" You questioned, making him shake his head. "Maybe I once was, but not anymore. I sort of started falling for someone else." He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Then no, I was lying before." You admitted with a small breath of relief. It felt so nice to admit out loud. What had you even been stressed about? "I invited you over because I wanted to confess the way I felt. I guess since you overheard all of that, I don't have to." You shrugged your shoulders, squealing in surprise as Steve hugged you and lifted you off the ground.

"Steve, what are you doing?" You let out an airy laugh, not even sure what he was so happy about. "I can't believe I spent half of the year figuring out how I was going to tell you how I felt." He spoke, making you laugh again before leaning down, pressing your lips against his.

The male was quick to react, holding you tight as to make sure you didn't fall. Not only that, but Steve didn't really want to let you go anyway. Your hands snaked up into his hair, finding their way through before tugging slightly. Steve groaned in response, kisses becoming slightly sloppy as you smiled.

"Mm, let me make this up to you." He mumbled, making you part from his lips. "What?" You questioned with a raised eyebrow and the faintest of a smile now. "Yeah, come on! A proper date, what do you say?" He asked, making you hum in thought.

"Why not?" You finally decided, making him set you down. "Alright, let's go." He grinned, making you giggle. "Right now? Can't I go change or at least get my shoes on?" You asked, making Steve chuckle. "Yes, of course. I'll be waiting right here, okay?" He told you, you nodding your head before placing a quick peck to his lips.

Once you turned away, you held your face and felt the heat that was radiating from it. God, Steve knew just how to fluster you. Making your way upstairs, you were sure to move quickly as you didn't want him to wait for too long.

"You can take your time" Steve shouted up the stairs, practically reading your mind. Once you reached your bedroom, you were quick to change from your shorts and shirt, putting on a pair of acid washed jeans with a plain white t shirt. Simple, yet cute and that was what you were hoping for. Going to your vanity, you began to fix your hair when all of a sudden you almost had to turn your lamp on as it was darker outside.

"That's strange." You muttered before jumping at the sound a clock chime. Confused, you stood straight and looked around your room. Something felt off. It didn't feel like your bedroom anymore. "Steve?" You shouted, listening for a response to which you didn't receive.

Could he not hear you? "Steve!" You shouted again, louder this time and yet there was still no response. Thinking he stepped outside, you walked to your window and shifted the blinds. You were met with a sight that shook you to your very core.

The upside down.

How were you back? You didn't cross through anything! As your breathing picked up, you quickly whipped back around to charge downstairs when you found your door was open.

In that doorway was a creature completely new to you. Unlike the demodogs or a demogorgon, it stood as tall as a human. It seemed as though it was covered in these dark vines, hands elongated at the fingers. The skin looked burned to a crisp.

Never had you been more scared than in that moment. You were frozen by the window, slowly pressing yourself into it. "It's almost time, Y/N." A deep masculine voice boomed from the creature, almost having a small growl behind his words. How did it know your name? Why could it speak? What the hell was this thing?

"Y-You're not real." You stammered out, feeling the glass window against your arms as you continued to press yourself into it. "Oh, I am very real, Y/N." He stepped towards you and you suddenly felt as though you couldn't move. As much as you wanted to run, to hide and avoid him, you couldn't. Some sort of force was keeping you still.

"I can hurt you in more ways than one." His elongated fingers raised and he gently grazed your trembling face with them. It was in that moment that you searched for your alarm clock. Your eyes shifted around, even searching for some sort of scripture on your wall. Maybe this was just a nightmare.

Maybe you were experiencing sleep paralysis. This couldn't be real. He couldn't be real.

"Y/N!" A voice made your attention shift forward again, and suddenly it was Steve in front of you, looking worried as he held your arms. "Are you okay?" He asked nervously, brushing your hair out of your face as you shook in his hold.

"What..?" You quickly looked behind you, noticing the bright blue sky outside. What just happened?

"You were up here for a while so I came up to check on you and you were just...standing here, twitching. Your eyes were.." He trailed off, shaking his head before drawing you in for a hug.

You were quick to wrap your arms around him, breath shaky as tears brimmed your eyes. "You're okay, you're okay," He promised, trying to soothe you by rubbing your back.

While it was considerate of him, it wasn't helping. All that was echoing in your head was the distant chiming of a clock. The feeling of that creature's fingers as it grazed your face made you shiver.

What the hell was that thing?

As you tried to calm your breathing, you tried to listen to the sound of his voice. You needed something, anything to calm you down. As much as you tried to focus on his reassuring words, they were beginning to be drowned out by the sound of a clock.

This time it wasn't a chime.

Tick.

Maybe it really was a dream.

THE END...?

#Spotify #steve harrington fluff #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #x reader #vecna/henry/one #vecna

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lixnmxn · 5 months

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[ joseph quinn, trans man, he/him ] — whoa! DANIEL WILLIAMS just stole my cab! not cool, but maybe they needed it more. they have lived in the city for TEN YEARS, working as a BARISTA. that can’t be easy, especially at only 29. some people say they can be a little bit NAIVE and OUTSPOKEN, but i know them to be PASSIONATE and TRUSTING. whatever. i guess i’ll catch the next cab. hope they like the ride back to STATEN ISLAND!

𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼

FULL NAME: daniel austin williams NICKNAME(S): dan, danny AGE: 29 DATE OF BIRTH: july 18th CURRENT LOCATION: staten island, ny GENDER: transman PRONOUNS: he/him ORIENTATION: homosexual OCCUPATION: barista SPOKEN LANGUAGE(S): english

𝓹𝓱𝔂𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓵 𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓬𝓮, 𝓮𝓽𝓬

FACECLAIM: joseph quinn HAIR COLOUR AND STYLE: chestnut brown, wavy; usually short. the longest he allows it to get is just above his shoulders. EYESIGHT: moderate; wears contacts to correct some minor nearsightedness and uses blue light glasses when working in front of a screen for extended periods of time HEIGHT: 5'10" BODY AND BUILD: tall; slim TATTOOS: n/a PIERCINGS: n/a SIGNATURE SCENT: sandalwood, pine

𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓽𝓱

MENTAL DISORDER(S): adhd (diagnosed during his early teens; controlled with medication) SLEEPING HABITS: averages about 6 hours per night EATING HABITS: fairly healthy; strives to maintain a balanced and clean diet, though he does enjoy indulging in red meat ADDICTIONS: n/a DRUG USE: light to moderate; smokes during social occasions ALCOHOL USE: moderate; drinks during social occasions and likes to enjoy an alcoholic beverage with his dinner every now and then

𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂

MBTI: infp POSITIVE TRAITS: loyal, kind, humorous, empathetic, passionate, trusting NEUTRAL TRAITS:anxious, introverted, self conscious NEGATIVE TRAITS: procrastinator, gullible, impatient, impulsive, naive, outspoken HABITS: knuckle cracking; playing with fidget toys

𝓯𝓪𝓶𝓲𝓵𝔂 𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹𝓼, 𝓮𝓽𝓬

MOTHER: natalie williams FATHER: andy williams SIBLINGS:amy williams ( older sister )

𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓰𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭

Daniel Austin Williams entered the world on the 18th July, born to middle class parents. The second born to the pair, and their final child. Born hard of hearing in his right ear, life started out pretty rough for Danny. As soon as he was born, it didn’t take long for his mother to abandon the family dynamic. A white paper note left on the counter for his father to find. A family of four, quickly dwindled down to a family of three.

A single income for two growing girls meant that responsibilities of child care fell onto Lily, Danny's ten year old sister. While their father picked up extra shifts to cover any expenditure that the family would come across. Resulting in an unbreakable bond between the two siblings.

Finding a passion proved difficult. Danny found that he was pretty average in his classes but never found anything that sparked his passion. Until, when he was fourteen upon taking his GCSE’s he read Of Mice and Men. The book ignited his love for reading, which he'd been doing ever since. Picking up cheap books in charity stores, reading them cover to cover. It inspired him to eventually get a degree in classical literature, combining his passion and love for reading with a newfound love for school.

It was while he was studying for her degree, that he met and fell in love with Luke. A whirlwind romance that made him feel seen for the first time in a really long time. Before he knew it, he was engaged. Impatiently waiting for his degree to be completed so that he could start building her perfect life.

Before he knew it, it was graduation. The final step in his education journey. Everything he had worked so hard for. A joyous celebration for all involved. Drinks were flowing and it seemed like everything was on the up. Until it wasn’t. A drunken night out turned into Danny stumbling into the men's bathroom contemplating his decisions. Things were going way too fast for him to properly sit and process all that was going on.

With a heavy heart, he called off the engagement. A new degree and newly single, Danny wanted a new start. Wanting something new, he decided to start an adventure. Starting off in Staten Island, NY. He found a job as a barista. Never looking back, enjoying the culture and locals alike. He felt as if he'd finally found a place to call home. He hopes one day, that he'll be able to find a position as a teacher.

#boroughs.intro #ღ ― danny williams: introductions

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years

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♡ scenario: connor losing his mind when you're hurt and charging into the fight recklessly.

♡ pairing: connor kent ( superboy ) x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / i'm sorry but i'm living for these angst to fluff moments rn especially bc i rewatched reign of the superman and forgot how much i loved connor in it.

Connor watched as you were completely slumped on the side of the building, no longer clear headed and struggling to stay awake. what was supposed to be a clean and easy mission turned out to be more than what the league expected.

he had requested for back up and while they were already trying to fight off the thugs that were attacking Connor, he could still see that you were fighting to stay alive and he had no idea if you were even going to come out of this fight alive.

"what the fuck?" Connor whispered, seeing you now slumped on the ground. he turned to the person who attacked you, eyes fully red with no intention of holding back. Clark could sense his song was a second away from committing murder as he saw Connor charge into the heart of the battle with no game plan, just murder.

"SUPERBOY NO!"

you waved shyly to the group of league members as you hid behind Wonder Woman. you were new to the scene of sidekicks and had no idea how to even introduce yourself without sounding like a complete idiot.

"woah new girl!" you heard a male voice say as you stood in your place petrified. you had no idea who it was as Diana had yet to individually introduce you to everyone, "i call dibs!" you heard the same voice say.

Diana turned to you before grabbing the boy who was charging towards you by the head and tossed him back to Superman, "she's not up for 'dibs' Superboy. she's my newest apprentice and you will treat her as such," she threatened.

you giggled behind her as a few of the sidekicks introduced themselves. you knew them as the Young Justice team and although you weren't formally with the team, you figured Diana was training you to become apart of them in the future.

"( your hero name ), this is Superboy," Wonder Woman said, "he associated to the Super family," she explained as he pushed up his dark circled glasses and flicked his hair back, "pleasure is all mine," he muttered, shaking your hand.

you returned a tiny smile before she continued to introduce you to Robin and Impulse. you noticed how Superboy kept his eyes on you. you had no idea if it was because he liked you or he disliked you but every time you turned to look at him, he was already staring at you.

after introductions and the cliche 'your real identity is sacred' conversation ended, Diana felt it was for your own good to get used to your new 'teammates'. she wanted you to make sure you weren't uncomfortable around any of the YJ team even if that included Superboy.

"so, what do you like to do for fun?" Wonder Girl asked, sitting down next to you and handing you a bowl of popcorn. you shrugged, "uh, not much. I like to watch tv and read for the most part. no one really invites me to do things with them," you admitted, scratching the back of your head.

she laughed, putting her arm around you, "well that ends today! we should all do something fun! how about we go to the county fair? doesn't that sound fun?" she asked. you shrugged, not really opposed to the idea, "I call all the rides with ( your hero name )!" Jinny replied.

you smiled, following her and Wonder Girl out the door as Robin, Impulse, and Superboy followed behind you. Robin looked at him, "you like her don't you?" he asked, already calculating the minute Connor had fallen in love with you.

"well she's apart of the team, i'd like to hope we'd all like her," he replied as Robin shook his head, "no, you get what i mean by that," Robin pressed as he could see Connor's face fall with realization. he didn't reply but he could tell what he was tell Connor's real answer through his face.

as they arrived to the fair, they all booked it to the first food stand they saw. Robin offering to pay for everyone being Bruce Wayne's son had its benefits. you ordered a simple coffee as you didn't want Robin to spend too much on everyone.

"what ride should we all get on first?" Jinny asked excitedly. you pointed to the tallest ride, it was one of those high rides that sat two people at the top and had them spinning around, "oh I can't do that. it's way too scary," both Keli and Jinny said.

Superboy smiled at you, "I'm down if you are," he said as he grabbed two tickets from the worker, "cool," you replied as the two of you walked to the line, sweat already building up from nervousness.

once they sat the two of you and made sure you were both buckled in, you stared at Superboy nervously as the ride started up and pulled you up before immediately starting to spin. you stared at Superboy, screaming for you life. you unintentionally grabbed his arms, not realizing you were holding onto him as you continued to yell.

Superboy chuckled, finding your reaction cute.

after the months passed and you finally grew closer to everyone on the team, you were particularly close with Jinny and Superboy. you and Jinny shared a lot of common interests as she showed you how to shoot a gun and Superboy...well, everyone could tell the two of you were just seconds away from actually dating.

you walked into the YJ lair, sipping on hot chocolates with Jinny as the weather was turning cold. she was cracking some cringe dad jokes, trying to make you laugh as you tried to contain from choking on the hot chocolate.

"hey, where we yall at?" Keli asked. you turned to Jinny before giggling, "just doing a few errands we had to run before I had patrol with Superboy," you said, not really clarifying on what you both were actually doing.

although everyone could see how much you liked Connor, Connor himself thought you had a thing with Jinny. he knew she was particularly close with you and felt as though he was practically competing with her for your attention.

"do you have my phone?" you asked Jinny as she dug into her pocket and handed it to you. you grabbed your phone before quickly snatching her hat and putting it on, "yee-haw," you giggled into the mirror as Jinny started chasing you down the halls.

as you turned a corner, you bumped into Superboy and fell flat on your ass, "oh, I'm sorry Superboy, I didn't see you there," you groaned as Jinny grabbed her had and put it back on her, "you've yee'd your last haw," she said, making you laugh harshly.

Superboy's eye couldn't help but twitch as he gave you his hand, "ready for patrol?" he asked sternly. you looked to Jinny who crept away from the angry Kryptonian and left you to deal with him, "yeah, let me just freshen up again and I'll meet you outside," you murmured, going into the bathroom.

you quickly used the bathroom before checking if you had everything. you opened the door and walked into the lair's common area. Connor had yet to drop the angry attitude and everyone was eerily silent as you walked in. he grabbed you by the arm and practically rushed you out the door.

"weird," Jinny told Robin as he shrugged, "what isn't weird about him," he replied making everyone laugh.

patrol started extremely awkward. you hadn't felt this weird since you first started on the team and you had no idea what was wrong with Superboy since he wasn't telling you.

the two of you walked on top of roof, scanning the empty roads before you turned to look at him, "what's up? you seem bothered," you asked him as you both sat on the ledge, "seriously? you seem annoyed at me or something so at the very least you can try and tell me what's wrong," you pressured again.

he looked at you with eyes of determination before grabbing you by the collar of the shirt and pulling you into a very heated kiss. you were taken back by surprise but let him continue to kiss you. a part of yelled at Connor pulled you close but another part of him was still screaming at him that you still could've liked Jinny.

"I had to do that before Jinny officially took you away from me," your eyes fluttered in confusion, "uh, what do you mean by 'take you away from me'?" you asked, not knowing what he was talking about.

Connor sighed in frustration, "I see the way you're around Jinny and figured that she likes you and vice versa," he finally admitted as he stood up, not wanting to hear your response. you quickly stood up and grabbed him by the wrist, "hey wait," you said.

he stared at you, "I'm really not in the mood to get rejected ( your hero name )," he ran his fingers through his hair annoyed. you shook your head, "I don't like Jinny nor does she like me. we're just really close friends Superboy," you whispered, bringing him into another kiss.

this time, he was the one taken back but he melted into the kiss, all his negative emotions washing away as you continued to kiss him. he wrapped his arms around your waist as you him in closer by the neck. Connor was definitely not expecting this tonight.

"so does this mean that we're like....together together?" you asked playfully shy. Connor let out a laugh before lacing your hands together, "clearly. I can't let Jinny steal you away from me," he jokingly replied.

Connor ran to the three different henchmen as his strength was to the point of killing, not caring if he died in the process. he was recklessly dodging bullets, knowing they wouldn't do anything to him. he grabbed the first man and threw him against a wall as it collapsed around him. Connor only hoping that it did enough damage to unalive him.

the second one he managed to choke him out enough to the point where he passed out but that wasn't enough for him. you were on the brink of death and if he had to see you die, he was going to make sure the men who possibly killed you got what they deserved.

"SUPERBOY!" he heard his father scream again. Connor paid no attention to him as he grabbed the third henchman and slammed him to the ground, throwing punches left and right, "listen to me," Clark screamed at him.

he could see the tears coming down Connor's face as anger, fear, and sadness clouded his mind, "this is not you! pull out of it!" he yelled, shaking Connor's shoulder, "you're about to kill this man. I get that you're angry but you don't get anything out of hurting him. all you get it consequences and your girlfriend needs you right now more than ever!" he continued.

Connor finally shook himself out of his trance as he heard his dad telling him to go to you. Connor nodded and ran to you, seeing you unconscious and hardly breathing, "I'm taking her to the hospital," he yelled to Batman before hauling your body into his arms and flying towards the nearest hospital.

once he finally reached the emergency doors, he shoved everyone out of his way and to the front desk, "she needs help...NOW!" he yelled to the poor receptionist. the girl jumped up from fear but nodded and screamed for a bed and a few doctors.

the doctor asked Connor to place you on the bed before the doctor told him that he could follow them inside. a part of Connor wanted to straight up move the doctor to follow you into the OR but he knew that he'd get into more trouble with his dad and the MPD if he hurt anyone else.

for what felt like hours, he was waiting inside of the room they had told him you'd be in once you got out of surgery. he had already gotten the lecture from his dad about the consequences he would've gotten if he actually managed to kill the three men earlier.

"she's going to make it," the doctor told Connor as he walked into the room while they adjusted you to the bed. Connor nodded, "she'll be out of duty for months. she sustained a lot of injuries to her body that'll take weeks to recover and she got a nasty concussion so you'll need to play doctor for the next few weeks to make sure she's okay," he explained.

Connor nodded as the doctor told him that you should be waking up within the next few hours. Connor adjusted himself on the seat and got comfortable as he had no intentions of leaving your side until you were awake and ready to leave the hospital.

you woke up a few hours later, your body killing you from all over as you saw balloons all around the room. you knew you had landed in the hospital but you had no idea how long you were asleep or in a coma even. you turned to see Connor passed out next to you, his body slumped awkwardly.

"Kon, Kon wake up!" you whispered, shaking him softly. Connor jumped up in a fright as he immediately realized you were awake, "how do you feel? are you okay? do you need anything?" he immediately asked as you couldn't help but laugh at his frantic attitude.

"Connor, I'm okay, I promise," you whispered as you brought him in for a kiss, "my body just hurts and i'm still kinda tired," you murmured as Connor nodded. you managed to wiggle yourself enough to make space for him, "babe, it looks like you haven't slept in days."

"I had to make sure you were okay so i haven't exactly slept in a while," he admitted sheepishly. you shook your head, "you're too much sometimes," you giggled as you put your head on his shoulder, "but you love me regardless," he replied.

this was the first time the L word had came up in the relationship, "yeah, I guess I do but now you need to sleep," you said as you closed your eyes and felt Connor pull you closer to him, "I love you too by the way," you whispered, giving him another kiss on his partially exposed chest.

#dc #dc x reader #dc imagine #connor kent x you #connor kent x reader #connor kent imagine #connor kent #superboy x y/n #superboy x reader #superboy imagine #comics #dc comics

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bbytetsu · 4 years

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Astrology Analysis: Kageyama Tobio

☼ capricorn ☽ taurus ☿ capricorn ♀︎ sagittarius ♂︎ virgo

Masterlist

━Personality:

before we get into everything, there’s an ongoing theme here: Kageyama has a lot of contrast within his chart. his earth related placements make him very rigid, grounded, and uptight. however, he also has a lot of specific aspects/placements (including his fire Venus) that gives him an unpredictable and spontaneous edge. this is also something that drives his play style: he is able to combine incredible precision and technique with innovative and risky plays.

with his Capricorn Sun, he’s ambitious but realistic about his goals, and he puts in the work to make things happen. because many people can’t relate to how ambitious he is, he tends to be a bit of a lone wolf with workaholic tendencies. however, he’s very loyal to the friends he does have and will not put up a front with them.

Taurus Moon: this doubles his ability to persevere. he has a soft side to him, but it doesn’t come out as traditionally sweet given his cap sun.

he’s snarky and straight up mean sometimes LMAO. this makes his way of flirting a bit confusing: he can definitely be a little awkward while flirting, or he’ll flirt with you by making fun of you. while he’s not a smooth talker, his body language will reveal all the feelings he has towards you!

Mercury in Capricorn: he’s logical and notices EVERYTHING. Mercury in Capricorn individuals also tend to channel all their energy into pursuing one subject/goal, and this is why Kageyama can think quickly and resourcefully on the court but sucks at school LOL

Mars in Virgo: he gets shit done! yes, he’s critical and complains a lot (“Hinata, boke!”), but maybe rightfully so since he’s an efficiency machine. he needs structure and methodology to work best, shown by how he trains with water bottles when learning to set for the new quick attack.

if you’re just tryna relax, steer clear of him lmfao. he’s literally the opposite of chill, he gets antsy if he’s not doing something.

━In a relationship:

Kageyama needs more space than most because of his Venus in Sagittarius. given his passion for volleyball, he needs to feel like he has an identity outside of the relationship. he loves his freedom so he would prefer a partner who is equally as independent as him.

he’s attracted to individualism and passion in people. he loves hearing you ramble on about the things you’re passionate about (even if he doesn’t understand what you’re saying) or seeing you in your element

i think he’s the type of lover who thinks that the beauty of romance isn’t in needing each other, but in choosing to be each other. every day he spends with you, he is making the choice to be with you, to love you, and he hopes that you feel that way, too. in other words, he knows that falling in love is effortless, but staying in love requires effort, which is willing to put in when he commits to you.

with his Moon in Taurus, he’s very romantic and sweet in his own way when he’s in a relationship. though he might not commit to anyone easily due to his Venus in Sagittarius, once he does commit to you, he’s in it for the long run.

Sextile between Venus and Uranus: he has romantic intentions, but the way he expresses them can be unpredictable or even little bit detached. for example, he may not be traditionally lovey-dovey with his words, nor is he the clingy type, but he’ll surprise you with small gifts that remind him of you, or take you on spontaneous dates.

his biggest love language is spending quality time with you aka going out on dates! he loves staying active (and could even be quite outdoorsy) rather than staying at home. think arcade dates, rock climbing, bowling, going on hikes, even just walking around the mall—for him, it’s a joy to experience the world with his partner in crime.

being in a comfortable physical space with you is important to him, and coupled with his Mars in Virgo, he definitely values organization in the home (we’ve all seen his room 😳) when spending time at home with you, he wants all his attention to be on you and not his surroundings!

━Sex/Love:

i gotta say… i did not see this coming!! the balance between uptightness/rigidity and fluidity/spontaneity in his chart translates to him to being a gentleman in the streets but a FREAK in the sheets!

with his Venus in Sagittarius, Kageyama could hook up with you multiple times before choosing to enter a relationship with you. he doesn’t get attached easily, which makes him the ideal friend with benefits.

but even though he can have sex with no strings attached, with his Trine between Moon and Mars, he might not be able to keep it up for long. he’d much rather have sex with someone he has feelings for.

CALLING ALL SWITCHES N DOMS 😤 he can be quite sexual, and he likes being with a partner with similarly strong needs and great willpower. he loves a little competition in bed and would do well as a switch or a sub. (as someone who spends a lot of his time being the “control tower” of his team, he loves relinquishing control in the bedroom and watching YOU take control of him!!!)

and with his Mars in Virgo, he’s going to spoil you rotten 100% 🥵

you know how kageyama makes sure to learn how to best set to each of his teammates? well he’s THAT observant in bed too, always paying close attention to your reactions and memorizing your sensitive spots or favorite positions. once he’s got all your needs and quirks down, you bet he will exploit it to pleasure you to the fullest degree.

he’s not a fan of quickies. he wants to take his time with you so that you can feel the best you can. he also needs privacy, and especially with his Moon in Taurus, where you’re having sex is very important to him. he would rather do it on a bed or at least a clean surface, like a kitchen countertop (and not the bathroom stall of a club).

with his Sextile between Venus and Uranus: he’s down to experiment in bed! tell him all your kinks and he’d have the time of his life trying everything before deciding for himself whether he’s into it or not.

━Favorite aspects:

Trine between Mars and Uranus: this is the aspect responsible for Kageyama’s famous play style! he’s not afraid to try new things and is able to push the boundaries in everything he does. he’s impulsive but confident (making his setter dumps so difficult to predict). because of this aspect, being with him feels exciting—he’s always growing and finding new ways to keep things fresh.

━Negative aspects:

Square between Sun and Saturn: this aspect perfectly describes Kageyama’s challenges as a player and a person. he struggles with expressing his true feelings and tends to censor his own thoughts instead. Atsumu recognizes this when he calls Kageyama a “goody two shoes.” this bad habit will affect in his relationships, too. when he’s unhappy with how things are going, he’ll bite his tongue in fear of losing you. however, given his strong emotions, he won’t be able to bottle his feelings up forever and will eventually explode.

#ALL U KAGS FUCKERS THIS ONE'S FOR U!!!#kageyama tobio #kageyama #kageyama headcanons #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu!! kageyama #haikyuu kageyama #haikyuu headcanons #kageyama imagine

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thebeautyoffanfics · 3 years

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se!saeran x gn!reader

a/n: I’m really really sorry for taking so long on requests,,, I’m working on them slowly, but I’m in a sort of weird mental state, so I wrote this mainly for comfort. Thanks for understanding ^^

Pfff, as i’m writing this, my internet has cut like 6 times- honestly i’m just trying to write comfortttttt

warnings: negative thoughts/feelings

word count: 1,869

Your stomach ached, as you wrapped your arms around your torso. So many thoughts flooded your head that it was beginning to make you feel physically ill. Your brain was screaming at you- things you should be doing, things you regretted doing, how lazy you were being, how tired you felt, how overwhelming every little feeling, sound, light, and texture was to your senses. Yet, all you could do was sit there. You wanted to cry, but, despite everything you felt, you were… numb. Where was the point in crying? It was best to accept everything as it was.

Though you told yourself it was best to accept such a defeat, there was a part of you that was well aware that you were close to some sort of breaking point. All day was spent doing things- all day for several weeks now, you spent your time working. Working, worrying, running errands. Still, every day seemed to bring another thing to do- another problem- more drama, none of which you could control. Everything was out of your control.

You nearly jumped at hearing your phone ring. Grabbing it, you were half-ready to give some sort of curt answer, before realizing that it was just Saeran. Holding the phone to your ear, you gave the most cheerful answer you could.

“Hello?”

“Hey, (Y/N)... I was just… wondering how you were.”

Of course, you weren’t doing your best. Knowing that, but also knowing that Saeran probably couldn’t afford to bother himself with your problems, you told him “I’m pretty good. How about you?”

“I’m fine… my stupid brother went into town, so I was thinking about walking to your place. Not like I… really feel like seeing you in particular, I’m just….”

“It’s alright. You don’t need an excuse to come visit me, you know? I’m decent, and I’ve probably got ice cream in the fridge.”

Saeran paused on the other line, and you could vaguely hear the sound of boots zipping up. “Right then. See you in a few.”

“Okay. Love you, see you in a few.”

“............” He whispered, despite the fact that no one was in his home nor yours, “love you too.”

The phone call ended, and you sat back, staring at the ceiling. Saeran was comforting to be around, sure, but… were you going to be comforting for him? You had no energy left. Just making yourself talk on the phone felt like too much work, you honestly just wanted to sleep… sleep for a long time. Maybe a month of two. A year or… ten.

“Alas, life goes on,” You whispered to yourself, attempting to lighten the mood. Forcing yourself to stand, you walked to the bathroom and grabbed a hairbrush, deciding to make yourself somewhat decent for Saeran.

You glanced at the mirror, pulling the brush through your tangled hair. The knots were tough, probably due to running your hands stressfully through your hair so often, and you watched as your face contorted in pain.

“You’re so… ugly,” You sighed to yourself, continuing to brush your hair. “You can’t even handle brushing your hair… it’s not hard. It doesn’t hurt that bad… you’re fine, you know? Just suck it up...”

Sighing, you tossed the hairbrush back onto the counter, then fixed your hair a bit with your hands. “Talking to yourself, huh… not even for a fun conversation. Just… complaining.”

You began your walk towards the kitchen, aiming to grab some medicine to calm your upset stomach. As you stepped, the thoughts continued- upsetting, self-deprecating thoughts, on top of impulsive ones. It was all… too much. Even as you swallowed the pain relieving pill, so many thoughts ran through your brain. Throw this, hit that, do this, clean that. You wanted to pull out your freshly-brushed hair, as you instead opted to chug the water bottle held in your hand.

“Giving your kidneys a boost?” A familiar voice asked, a joking tone laced in the comment. You nearly jumped again, calling yourself lucky for having just finished drinking the water.

“I drink plenty of water, actually. Maybe not today, but I usually do.”

You gently wrapped an arm around the tall boy, feeling him lightly return it, before the both of you sat back quickly. “Saeyoung always tells me that you should drink water every day. Not just when you feel like it.”

“And does Saeyoung follow that?”

Saeran laughed, “does Phd Pepper count?”

“Nope. So, his comments are invalid.”

“I didn’t take them seriously to begin with, sooo…”

You smiled, tossing the empty bottle into the recycling bin, before looking back over at Saeran. “So? What brings you here? Ice cream, a movie, popcorn?”

He shrugged, grabbing a bowl and a spoon, then making his way towards your freezer. He took out the ice cream container, before preparing himself a bowl. “...Want any?” He asked, not bothering to look at you as he did so.

“No, thank you though.”

"Sure… it’s your ice cream, so you don’t really need to thank me.”

After having made his bowl of ice cream, you found yourself resting next to Saeran on the couch. A comfortable silence ensued, and you finally felt at some sort of peace. Though your eyes were shut, at feeling a gaze on you, you peeked them open, catching a glimpse of Saeran as he quickly turned his head. Sitting up a bit, you smiled at his dismissiveness. He’d die before admitting it, but he had been looking at you… you felt lucky. He could look at you without disgust- something not even you could do to yourself.

“What’re you thinking?” You asked after a few minutes. Though the silence was enjoyable, his voice wasn’t something you could complain about either. Honestly, all you wanted to do was hear his sweet voice talk about whatever he pleased, and maybe fall asleep to him talking. The last part was less likely, but-

“You’re acting dumb,” He muttered, turning and shoving a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as you noted the pout on his face. You swallowed the ice cream, your heart rate picking up, worrying that you did something wrong.

“What do you mean?”

“See, you’re already getting defensive. It’s,” He paused a bit, and you didn’t bother speaking, knowing it was hard for him to put things to words. He didn’t want to seem too worried, although it was clear he cared. “It’s weird. You haven’t…” His voice grew quiet, as a pink spread across his face, “texted me as much. And I’ve had to initiate half the calls- and even then, you sometimes don’t pick up. And then, your texts are all quick and boring. I’m not… the best at picking up on things, but I can tell something’s wrong. So, just tell me. That’s what I’m here for, you idiot.”

You sat there, unable to form any words. You hadn’t thought that anything seemed wrong. You were… your normal self, right? He’d been worried just because you… couldn’t keep up with your own mind. His concern was your fault, despite the fact that all you wanted to do was focus on him. To help him. This wasn’t help-

“Stop. Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. I don’t like that look on your face. You don’t need to force yourself or anything, just… I’m... here. It’s not a problem or a bother or anything.”

Like that, so many of those negative thoughts were contradicted. Your head hurt a bit, as you felt your heart ache. Tears filled your eyes, as everything finally came crashing down. Letting out a sob you were sure was ugly, you felt Saeran tense up next to you. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a reaction- maybe it was overwhelming for him- still, despite the fact that he could turn away, despite the fact that he didn’t need to care, he wrapped his arms tightly around you. He began to rock you back and forth a bit, petting your head gently, as you had often done for him.

Normally, Saeran struggled to start physical contact. He struggled to deal with it, always needing you to slowly initiate touch. He’d gotten better about it, but just having him hold you so suddenly and so tightly, so comfortingly, made your heart ache further. He’d worked so hard, and, in that moment, you were so proud of him. You felt so much love for him that you were sure your heart was going to burst. And, the way he was treating you made you sure that, even if it wasn’t you yourself, there was someone out there who loved you… Saeran was that someone.

After a few minutes of Saeran holding you as you cried, you found the energy to sit back, wiping your eyes, almost embarrassed of the mess you were sure you’d become. He reached out, wiping some tears for you, before squishing your face slightly. His face was red, eyes slightly watery, as he made direct eye contact.

“Don’t hide your feelings from me… you convince me to tell you things, so you should tell me. If I’m comfortable around you… then, you… should be comfortable around me. It’s not like I have any room to judge you.”

Taking a shaky breath, you leaned back into the hug, the side of your face squishing against his chest. “Can I just… sit here for a bit…? Tell me about your day, please.”

Saeran hesitated, before shifting the two of you, leaning against the couch so that you’d also be reclining a bit. Once settled, he took in a strangely calm breath, before speaking. “Well… when I woke up, Saeyoung said he was making breakfast. It smelled bad though, and I realized he’d used Phd Pepper instead of water in the pancake mix… which, I guess was his way of saying ‘hey, Saeran, you make breakfast today’. So, I made normal pancakes. Actually, I put some… little chocolate chips in them, like the kind we got last time we ate breakfast-”

His voice continued on, as you listened to him describe every detail of his day. A sort of calmness enveloped your heart, along with exhaustion enveloping your body. There in Saeran’s arms, everything felt… safe. Nothing could hurt you, not even the problems, drama, and work that you had just panicked over. There… was no rush to do things. If you took things slowly, maybe… just maybe, it’d all work out. With those thoughts in mind, and Saeran’s voice in the background, you finally fell asleep.

---

“(Y/N)? Are you even listening?” Saeran questioned, lifting a hand from your back. As he did so, he glanced at your face, before freezing up. Realizing you were asleep, he put his hand back, sitting back in place. “They’re… asleep,” He thought, a bright blush growing on his face. Despite himself, he smiled slightly, proud that you were comfortable enough with him to fall asleep on him. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, beginning to realize how sleepy he was. As a few more moments passed, the only sound Saeran could hear being your gentle breathing, he found himself drifting off to sleep as well.

#i think secret end saeran may be my favorite.....#i didn't write him as tsundere as he's usually interpreted but-#it's still saeran <3 #x reader #gn!reader #x gn!reader #oneshot #saeran choi #se!saeran #saeran choi x reader #mystic messenger #mysmes #mystic messenger x reader #mysmes x reader

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peakyxtommy · 4 years

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“Why did you choose me?”

Characters: Tommy, Arthur, Michael

Summary: “Why did you choose me?”

Warning: Sad/Hurt/Comfort

A/N: I love writing this prompt so much. Enjoy!

Prompt List: @otp-promptly

All Credit To Gif Owners!

Tommy: “Why did you choose me? (You to him)

Sometimes your mind ran wild with negative thoughts. Thoughts that were lies, that made you feel weaker and smaller than what you truly were. Thoughts that made your stomach in knots and drove you mad. Sometimes you could stop the thoughts before they festered like a wound oozing puss but times like now, it feels like a knife twisting inside of you. A never ending dull pain, that you wanted to be rid of but couldn’t be.

On a day like today where everything seemed to boil down to performance and appearance and long conversations with people you were likely never to see again, you couldn’t help but speak the words aloud to him after a long evening of wining and dining. An evening where it felt like everyone else was so much better than you, where women looked better than you felt you ever could. People were eyeing up your husband lustfully or with intentions to do business. You never left those dinners feeling satisfied but felt empty after wanting nothing more than to hide away for the next few days.

Here you were in your bedroom settling in for the night next to your husband when the dam breaks and you feel those wounds open yet again. Wounds you thought were healed but still needed healing.

“Why did you choose me?” When the words leave your mouth, you sound so small, so childlike. Your voice was wet already feeling the tears starting to break through. You wish you could just put it in a small box in the back of your mind to deal with another time, but it was an impulsive intrusion of your brain. You needed to hear the answer, to hear whatever words left his mouth, for you mind to be put back at ease. For this small twisting ache to go away even if it was just for the night.

When the words leave your mouth he almost misses what you said, but the way your voice sounded so sad catches his attention and he feels his heart break a little. He loved you more than anything in the world. You were the light to his darkness. The one thing that helped him stay calm and would release his stress after long times in the office. You made him better in many ways. He was more alert because of you and even had better ideas for the business, because you would always know how to help at a roadblock. You made him a better man.

So when the words leave your mouth he couldn’t help but ponder over the course of the week or even the evening to wonder what made you say those words to him. He knew he didn’t have all the answers, would ever be able to make you feel whole about yourself, but he had the words to soothe your mind, to make you see the truth instead of the lies.

He would hold you close to his chest as he let the tears stain his shirt wet. All the while, rubbing soothing circles on your back, while shushing you as you tried to apologize. When you were calm, he would dry your tears, as you sat in his lap facing him. He would make sure your eyes were facing his as he spoke,

“Why is my pretty wife crying, hm?” His warm breath hits your face, hand holding the back of your head.

“I chose you (y/n), because you make me a better man. You make breathing a little easier and I always look forward to seeing you first thing when I awake and when I go to bed. Your smile brightens up the whole room. You are smart, beautiful, funny, and so many more things. I chose you because I love you more than your pretty head will ever know. You are my world and bring a fullness I never knew was possible. If I have to remind you every single day, I will. You can always tell me what’s on your mind, I'll always listen to you. You’re stuck with me.” He speaks soft and affectionate, loving blue eyes gazing into yours.

“Thank you, Tom.” Is all you say in a small whisper as your head rests in the curve of his neck and he hugs you.

“I love you only, always and forever. Never forget that.”

Arthur: “Why did you choose me? (him to you)

It was a little past midnight when you heard hard knocks and shouts coming from your front door. You had no idea who was banging at your door but as soon as you opened the door to your boyfriend of a year, you knew it was serious when you saw his blood shot eyes and bloody knuckles. You also knew you had to get him inside because he was screaming out your name as if you weren’t standing right in front of him. You knew you would hear it in the morning from Mrs. Bradley yet again about the Birmingham gangster waking up the neighborhood with drunken shouts and loud knocks.

“Arthur, you gotta stop yelling. I’m right here. Come in let’s get you cleaned up yeah.” You usher him inside shutting the door behind him. You lead him to the couch where he takes a half sitting/slumped position. You wanted to be mad at him because this was the third time he’s shown up to your house in a similar occurrence, but your worries overridden the fact. You go get a glass of water and your medical kit, to help sober him a little and clean up his hands as he sits now quiet on the couch.

“You need to drink this. Give me your hand so I can clean you up, yeah.” He nods at your words letting you work in an eerie silence. He’d usually have so much to say due to the adrenaline but tonight he was stone cold quiet caught up in his own thoughts. As you bandage his hands with the last wrap, he speaks the words that make your heart still and break a little.

“Why’d you choose me? Out of all the men in Birmingham you chose a gangster at that, a criminal.” He says it in a small but frustrated tone. He was frustrated with himself, with his life, and that here you were again cleaning up his mess. He felt like a mess and didn't understand why you continued to open up your home and heart to him. You were a good woman. He loved you deeply and couldn’t imagine life without you, but he still had doubts that plagued the back of his mind just as close to the edge of death he lived.

“Arthur look at me.” You bring your warm hand to his face, holding the side of his face, thumb brushing over his cheek.

“I chose you because you were yourself from day one and always have been. You are an open book and wear your heart on yourself. You care for those you love and will do anything to protect them. On our first date you made me laugh and smile so hard, I hadn’t felt happy like that in the longest time until you showed up in my life.

We’ve had our ups and downs but that only makes my love for you grow stronger. You’re all I think about from the moment I wake up and until I go to bed. I look forward to your surprise visits, at normal hours preferably, and phone calls to check in on me. I still love you after midnight when you’re drunk and hurt on my couch. I love you Arthur and I see the goodness in you even if you don’t. I’ll always be here to remind you of that, for as long as you let me.”

You say giving him a small kiss to the lips. He goes to wipe his own tears, satisfied with your answer.

“Let’s get to bed love.” He speaks, as you both get up from your positions. Once changed he joins you in your bed. He lays himself on your chest listening to your heartbeat as you hold him tight to you.

Michael: “Why did you choose me? (you to him)

Your blood was boiling. You couldn’t understand why you would always let her get you to this point. The point of where all logic and reason seemed to leave your mind to be replaced with doubts and insecurity. It was the same argument over and over again. You don’t know why you keep going in circles but it was like that one truth wouldn’t sink into your mind. The doubt of him leaving her for you even if you really were his.

You were out at a business dinner Tommy was hosting at his house. Of course she was there. You saw her a mile away and she didn’t wait to make her presence known. She greeted you both, shaking your hand in faux politeness, before going back to her table. You knew then that you would be in for a long evening. You knew the look on Michael’s face meant that he wasn’t in the mood for an argument about his ex so you let it go for now.

You tried to enjoy the dinner and time as much as possible. You left to go to the bathroom and when you returned Gina was sitting in your seat. Legs crossed, fingers brushing over Michael’s shoulder, and laughter from the two of them. All you saw was red but decide to go to the bar to get a drink to calm your nerves.

When you go back she’s gone like she was never there to begin with. You sit in your chair like she wasn’t there. You ignore Michael for the rest of the evening and his makings of conversation. You were too agitated to even talk to him with an ounce of kindness. When it’s time to leave the ride home is just as silent, with tension hanging heavy between you both.

It’s not until you reach the walls of your shared apartment that the words leave your mouth. Wanting to know and hear the truth from him, even though you knew you were overreacting but you couldn’t help it.

“Why did you choose me?”

When the words leave your mouth he was exhausted. It was a long night and it didn’t help with the tension caused by Gina. He didn’t love her or want to be with her anymore. They broke up for a reason and he couldn’t understand why you couldn’t understand or see through his words. Always fighting him on it no matter what left his lips. He was as exhausted as you in going in circles or repeating himself. He would put up with it because you’re worth it to him. That he was in love with you but had yet to say it.

“I chose you because I’m in love with you. Only you, you’re all I want and think about all day. Your happiness means the world to me. Gina is in the past and I need you to trust me when I say it. I don’t want her or think about her. We broke up for a reason and I’m with you now. Whatever I have to do to prove it to you, I will because your worth it baby.” He speaks tracing a warm finger down your face, his face and tone serious.

“Say it again.” You whisper taking his hand in yours.

“I love you and you only.” He goes to press his lips against your as your fingers grip his hair soaking him in.

“Then show me. I love you too.” You speak as he leads you up the stairs to your shared bedroom to show you how much he loved you and only you.

#peaky blinders #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #michael gray x reader #michael gray #arthur shelby #arthur shelby x reader #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders preferences #mags’s otptober

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introvertguide · 3 years

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Pulp Fiction (1994); AFI #94

The most recent movie for review was the Quentin Tarantino crime thriller comedy (probably more things) Pulp Fiction (1994). It is a very complicated story that is told out of chronological order and focuses on scenes of meaningful character interaction. This confusion meant it lost out to movies with a more straight forward time line at the Oscars, since the move was nominated for seven awards but only took home one. The single win for best screenplay was well deserved and I still believe it is one of the most creatively written films of all time. I want to go over the plot to show what I mean, but let me do my standard due diligence:

SPOILER WARNING!!! I AM ABOUT TO GIVE THE BASIC DETAILS OF ONE OF THE MOST COMPLEX STORY LINES IN MOVIE HISTORY!!! IT WILL NOT LIKELY SPOIL MUCH OF ANYTHING, BUT I AM STICKING THIS WARNING ON JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY FINDS SOMETHING!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The film begins with what is pretty much a prologue but what turns out to be about the middle of the film chronologically. A couple is at a diner and they are talking about robbing banks. They only refer to each other as Pumpkin (Tim Roth) and Honey Bunny (Amanda Plummer). They discuss the best kind of places to rob and they decide that a diner would be a good change of pace. Impulsively, they pull out guns and hold up the diner and...title card with awesome spaghetti western music!

Two hitmen are talking about Europe as they go to do a job. Vincent Vega (Jon Travolta) talks about his adventures with Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) as they pull up at an Los Angeles apartment complex. The two discuss their boss Marsellus Wallace and how touchy he is about his wife. The boss has apparently sent them to get something from a bunch of guys. Jules and Vincent call on an apartment with 3 college age men and intimidate them into giving over a briefcase with something glowing inside. The case is what they came for, so the hitmen take it and kill two of the men at the apartment...

Flash to a new scene in which Vincent is going to get some drugs from his dealer (Eric Stoltz). Vincent is a heroine user despite cocaine being the popular drug. It turns out Vincent was asked by his boss to take out his wife...the one he is very protective of. He just needs to hang out with her so she is not bored and not get into trouble. To accomplish this, he shoots up some heroine and goes to meet the wife named Mia Wallace (Uma Thurman). They seem to get along and he drives her to a restaurant called Jack Rabbit Slims. The place is fantastic, all the waiters are dressed up like American movie icons and the booths are repurposed cars from the 50s (if this place actually existed, you can be sure I would search it out and go there at least once). The two bond over dinner and then volunteer for a twist dance contest.

Mia and Vincent go back to her house and Vincent goes to the restroom to talk himself out of trying to score with Mia. She is pretty cool, but not worth dying for. While he is away, Mia finds some heroine in the pocket of Vincent’s jacket and thinks it is cocaine. She snorts it and immediately starts to overdose. Vincent panics and decides to drive her to the dealer’s house. The dealer has a nurse kit that comes with a giant needle full of adrenaline which Vincent stabs her with. She wakes up and Vincent takes her back home and is glad that he will live another day...

We jump to a flashback of a young boy who is has lost his father in Vietnam. An officer is visiting that has a gift. Apparently, there is a family watch that belonged to the boys great grandfather and had been passed down through the generations. His father had it when he was captured and gave it to the officer before the father died in the POW camp. The officer escaped and found the boy to give him the watch...

A boxer named Butch (Bruce Willis) wakes up from a dream. He is the boy all grown up. He is about to throw a fight for Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames), the same boss that everyone is afraid of. Butch does not throw the fight and accidently kills the other boxer. It turns out that he bet on himself and now he needs to get out of town before Marsellus Wallace catches him. He goes to a hotel where his rather dumb girlfriend is waiting for him. They go to bed and then are about to leave the next morning when it turns out that she forgot his watch. Butch freaks out and goes back to their old apartment to get the watch (note the very long take following Bruce Willis as he takes a back way to get to the apartment). Vincent is there waiting for him, but Vincent is in the bathroom and Butch is able to get a gun and kill Vincent as he is coming out of the bathroom. Things seem good so Butch drives off...

As Butch drives home, he sees Marsellus crossing the street in front of him so Butch hits the gas and runs down the boss but also hits an oncoming car. Both men are injured but Marsellus gains his senses and chases Butch into a shop where both are captured by a weird redneck with a shotgun. Butch and Marsellus are tied up in the basement of the shop and a man named Zed shows up. The shop owner has a gimp in a box (all leathered up and everything) and other fetish things downstairs. After a quick game to pick who goes first, they take Marcellus into another room to rape him. Butch manages to escape and is running away...but he decides can’t leave somebody to be assaulted like that. He grabs a weapon from the shop and kills the shop owner and frees Marsellus from Zed. Marsellus is not happy and says he will go “medieval” on Zed and allows Butch to leave town. Butch collects his girlfriend and leaves immediately...

Flash back in time (we know this because Vincent is alive) to right after Vincent and Jules shoot the guys with the case. Another guy in the other room jumps out and unloads six rounds at the two and misses every shot. The hitman kill that man, but Jules is shaken and decides to give up the business. They take a fourth gut with them in the car to go back to see Marsellus. On the drive over, Vincent accidently shoots the passenger while going over a pothole. The inside of the car is absolutely covered in blood and brains, so the two have to find a safe house. They go to the home of Jimmie (Quentin Tarantino) who will help them but says they have to get out in a couple of hours before his wife gets home. They call Marsellus, who sends over a cleaner named Wolf (Harvey Keitel). They are able to get everything cleaned up in time and leave with the car and the body. Jules and Vincent have to change out of their bloody clothes and decide to take a cab out to a diner for some food before seeing Wallace.

The two are at a familiar looking diner discussing whether their survival was a miracle and whether Jules should quit. Vincent goes off to the bathroom and, while he is gone, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny from the beginning declare it a robbery and it is evident that we have circled in time back around to the beginning. The couple hold up the diner, but, when they get to Jules, he takes Pumpkin hostage and devises a plan for everybody to leave. Jules allows the couple to leave alive with all the wallets, then the two hitmen follow quickly behind them before any police can show up.

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I put a spoiler warning at the top, but there is so much to this film that there is no way you could spoil everything. I find new things to enjoy about this movie each time that I watch it and the watch count has to be at least two dozen times at this point. This film is so rich with allusion and homage to movies of the past that you might never see everything. Tarantino is truly a lover of old films and he worked every reference he could into this film. This is truly like candy for a cinephile.

I have, however, had a love hate relationship with this movie: I love this movie and I hate it when people tell me it is too violent. There was a lot of negative response to the films toxic masculinity, romancing crime culture, incredible amount of swearing, drug use, extreme gun violence, and very adult themes. There is a very famous interview between Quentin Tarantino and Jan Wahl in which she accuses him of using excessive violence and he tells her it is because it is a lot of fun to watch. His stylistically gory violence stems from exploitation films of the past and there is an established audience that enjoys it. He makes his movies for himself and this group of people.

Kind of like the comedy of Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, and George Carlin, you have to wade through a sea of swearing to find the comedic banter. The things that Jules and Vincent say to each other are some of the funniest stuff I have ever heard, but you really have to pay attention. Their attempts to express their feelings while maintaining their hard exterior persona is ridiculous. This is probably why many people enjoy the scenes with Vincent and Mia: there is a lot more courtesy which reduces the tirade of cursing.

The violence is very very over the top, but it is no where near the level of gore that Tarantino has become known for over the years. I must admit that he likes his torture scenes and this film is no exception. I would like to note how clever the torture scene with Butch and Marsellus is because they are both tied up and facing camera so only the audience can see the mischief that is being prepared behind them.

The soundtrack for the film is well worth mentioning as it also pays homage to 50s, 60s, and 70s exploitations films. There is a lot of silence in the film with sudden bursts of fast paced music that help with transitions. Most famous is the intro music after diner prologue, a surf rock classic by Dick Dale and The Del Tones called Misirlou. It is pure speed guitar riff along the lines of Wipeout and transitions the scene perfectly. Take a listen for yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIU0RMV_II8

Maybe the biggest thing about this film and Tarantino in general is the inspiration of the slick gangster dialogue. There had been a push for more melodramatic dialogue or the complete absence of much talking. Tarantino added in this slick, fast moving comedic dialogue that is said over extreme violence and adult situations. Marsellus Wallace talks about having some crack heads torture a man to death immediately after being raped in a basement. The hitmen talk about appropriate manners while cleaning out brains from the back of a car. Jules talks about the meaning of the bible during a robbery. Everything seems out of place in the real world but perfectly acceptable in Tarantino’s world. This is probably why I have no problem with the violence in the film.

So should this film be on the AFI top 100? Absolutely. It is an homage to film history while simultaneously introducing a sub genre that mixes current dialogue and exploitation touches to grindhouse action. It is fascinating and fun. Would I recommend this movie? If you are old enough. I can’t emphasize enough how fun I find this film, but I cannot deny that it is filled with adult situations like drug usage followed by driving, secret dungeon rape, and cold blooded murder with no consequences. If you can differentiate between Tarantino’s world and the real world, then this is great. If you can’t, then maybe try something else with slick dialogue like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

#miserlou #pulp fiction #samuel l jackson #Quentin Tarantino #john travolta #violence #action #90s movies #academy award winner #dialogue #cinematography #introvert #introverts

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your-mom-friend · 3 years

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I was looking for a video to explain a physics thing to me when I saw this pop up in my recommended:

How to Know if You Have ADHD

And I was like Aight, let’s check this out.

Disclaimer: This isn’t meant to diagnose anyone. There are 10 symptoms he discusses and and if you’ve shown 6 or more since childhood you should try to get a diagnosis from a professional.

That said, I’m going to go into it. I’ll be explaining the points and my experience with them.

1) Trouble starting projects. --> You have trouble doing the actual project. Not conceptualizing or planning, because that’s not usually an issue, but doing the ACTUAL project. --> Me: *stares at pile of unstarted projects that I bluffed people into thinking I did* yes

2)Poor attention to detail: --> You finally started that project! Good for you! Except you’re making a lot of mistakes. You brush over a lot of details. You ignored the instructions because you didn’t pay attention. You tend to skim read things and blaze through the project as fast as possible. --> Me: occasionally. Only when Im tired so I guess not really?

3) Easily distracted: --> You get distracted RELLY easily. You get bored super easy and distracted by literally anything in the room. You zone out of conversations and realize you haven’t heard a WORD they said and you’re pretty much just looking at their mouth moving. -->I literally started drawing in my book and missed this point entirely and got to the fifth point before realizing I wasn't listening and rewinding to this so yeah.

4) Hyperfocus: --> Basically you lose the concept of time entirely and can focus on something for hours on end, sometimes even forgetting to use the bathroom or eat or drink. --> Me: Remembers that time I accidentally spent a whole day learning baking techniques and not eating or drinking or using the bathroom because I read a single post on a baking blog

5) Bad Time Management: --> Do you have trouble keeping deadlines? Or can’t make it to things on time even when you try? Do you have trouble with time in relation to the length of a task? Like you severely underestimate the amount of time it would take to do a task? --> I allotted 4 days to a physics portion for my exam that's supposed to take 9 days. It's day after tomorrow. I am a failure.

6) Disorganized: --> You use the term “Organized Chaos” a lot. Everything in life is such a rush that it’s impossible to keep things organized. You fall behind on work because you have trouble arranging and prioritizing your work. -->LISTEN. My room is a collection of things. If I need it it HAS to be in sight range or I'll forget it exists. But it's usually clean because (a) my sisters and I share a room and the older one can't stand mess and (b) I hyper focus at 2 am and clean everything.

7) Over Emotional: --> You’re quick to anger or upset or get bored. To others it looks like you exaggerate your emotions but that’s just how you feel. You have a poor self image and have trouble letting go of negative emotions and other’s opinions of you. --> Yes. Enough said.

8) Impulsiveness: --> Do you find yourself wanting to do something immediately after you think about it? Do you find yourself frustrated when you AREN’T able to do it? You impulse buy things. As soon as a thought comes to you in the middle of a conversation you HAVE to say it regardless of what the other person is saying. -->The writing part yeah. I’m too nervous to interrupt people so I just clamp my mouth shut.

9) Forgetful: --> This is more about your short term memory than long term. You tend to forget things that were JUST said or things you just did. You forget things like names and instructions very quickly. You have trouble remembering things that would come naturally to others. --> I was clearing the table and remembered there was a glass left to take and I went back to grab it and it wasn't there and I go to the kitchen confused and I ask my mom if someone brought it and she tells me I brought it first and went back and I'm like "what" and it was in my hand the whole time.

10) Shutting off your Brain: --> Your thoughts run a through your head like a river. You have trouble winding down and sleeping because of how many thoughts are in your head. You have trouble writing Ideas down because as soon as you start, you get all these other ideas that need to ALSO be written down. -->ABSOLUTLEY. I don't talk a lot because I tend to de-rail conversations and make things weird because of it. I try to journal my thoughts but it never works for that exact reason.

#adhd #Possible ADHD #how to tell if you have adhd #signs of adhd #rem rambles

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

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You’re my dream when I’m not sleeping // J x Lilith // NSFW aftercare

Summary: You will always be safe with J. The more intense a session, the more intense the aftercare. Truly, the both of you almost enjoy the aftercare more than you enjoy the sex itself... Almost. For J, at least, it provides the perfect opportunity to love on his Hyena a little more fiercely. Not that you’re complaining, of course.

A/N: A personalised piece for @jokershyena bc ilyyyyy~ <33333 I hope that you enjoy this, darling!! ^^ <3

Warnings for swearing, BDSM elements (knife and blood play), NSFW descriptions and allusions to being edged/multiple orgasms within one session, J refers to himself as “daddy” (the things I write for you, istg), aftercare (duh!) and a whole lotta’ lovin’! <3 You get what you deserve ;)

Word count: 2, 935.

There were many rumours, many lies, many speculations and many untruths about your relationship with J, so deeply kept was the secret, so mysterious was his aura and so protective were his men of you but at the core of the truth lay one simple, earth shattering fact:

J loved you, and you loved him.

Gotham knew him to be a chaotic clown, a murderous terrorist. Someone who was cold and unfeeling, a monster... a freak. Someone who wore clothes which were custom made with no labels, the materials expensive and entirely unique, someone who had no last name, no alias, nothing identifiable about him in any way. He was a complete mystery to the city of Gotham and no one knew him. Citizens knew his persona, his murderous tendencies and the way he could bring the entire city to a standstill with a few well timed incidents, but no one knew who he really was.

But you? Oh, you knew J to be a chaotic clown, this was true, but he was also so human. He had told you, once, that his name had been Jack Napier. It had been the night that you had first seen his bare facial scars, the night that you had first learned of his past, what little of it he was willing to tell you, and it was a night which you treasured with all that you were.

Lilith Napier had been the name he had whispered against your lips that night, his full lips soft and warm against your own, his tongue sneaking out to coax your own into a slow and tantalising dance, his hands hot and firm against your bare hips, his fingers flexing as he moved within you, reaching hidden depths which only he could reach.

That had been the most tender, the most loving and the rawest night which the two of you had experienced together, and you hadn’t been the only one to cry; J had shed one, maybe two tears of his own, though he hadn’t acknowledged them and in his silence and his refusal to brush them away with his usual impatient manner had he told you that he trusted you. that he was able to be himself with you. You had kissed them away, your lips against his damp skin had made him tremble underneath your reverent touch, and J had again whispered your married name against your lips, the cool band of your wedding ring pressed against his heated flesh.

Many a tender night had passed between the two of you,and through your many ups and downs as individuals and as a couple had the two of you established a way of being, a rhythm which was as unique as the both of you were. You allowed J many liberties with who you were and what he was allowed to do with you, to do to you, and in return did he make sure that you were always taken care of, that you knew beyond all shadow of a doubt that you were safe and loved with J, that you were his and that he was yours. Everything was equal in your relationship, but no balance was more important to J than making sure that after an intense session with him, that the aftercare was matched in its ferocity.

J would never allow you to ever feel even slightly negative about the things that the two of you did together. Even the most vanilla of sessions contained aftercare, for J was nothing if not a man of his word. If he promised you something, then you could be sure that he would follow it through; that he would take care of you as best as he knew how.

The world knew him to be J, but you knew him to be a perfect balance of J and Jack, such was the influence of your heart over him. He was as safe with you as you were with him.

On this particular night did you lay, shaking and exhausted. Your body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat, which mingled and lay mixed with traces of saliva, trickling crimson raindrops of blood, your hair a mess, your chest rose and fell rapidly as you fought to catch your breath. Oh, but you ached. Your throat was sore from how viciously J had fucked your mouth, his thick cock stealing your very breath as he pushed himself in to the hilt again and again and again, his fingers carding through your hair in silent praise and in reassurance. Your hands had gripped his thighs, your nails leaving crescent indents in his sensitive flesh. “You always - unf - take me so well, hyena - made for me, aren’t’cha?” and other praises had fallen from his lips in the form of guttural groans, his head tossed back and greasy curls brushing against the tops of his shoulders.

The space between your thighs ached too, a tantalising mixture of your natural juices, J’s saliva and his cum; so thoroughly did he love you that it always made your head spin as your back both arched into the mattress and away from it. So blurred was the line between pain and pleasure that you felt both at the same time and never did you know if you wanted more of one or of the other; the way J played your body like a finely tuned instrument was always the sweetest torture, his cock, fingers and mouth always bringing a symphony out of your mouth as you writhed and panted beneath him. Oh, but the silver glint of his pocketknife against your skin was so delicious, and it never failed to make his hips pump a little faster, the sound of skin slapping on skin loud in the room, of J’s animalistic grunts and of your own sounds the accompaniment to the pounding in your head, your blood rushing through your veins and roaring in your ears.

Currently were you laying on your side. J was gone from the bed, having eased himself up moments ago with a weary, tired sigh, and you could hear him ruffling around in the bathroom cabinets, along with the sound of running water. You smiled to yourself; you knew that the both of you almost enjoyed the aftercare more than the sex itself. Almost. It gave J a chance to really spoil you, to check you over and to make sure that you were okay, to bring you down from the session and to bring you back home, back to him.

You drifted into threshold consciousness at the distant sounds of J close to you, and you were roused from it with a large, careful hand which curved to the slope of your shoulder and turned you around slowly so that you were laying on your back. You winced, and J eyed you critically. “Easy, doll, easy. I got’cha. Where ya’ hurt, hm? Tell daddy where it hurts.”

You felt unable to talk so you settled for showing J where it hurt. He could read you like a book, this you knew, so you shifted your hips and groaned as you moved and wriggled various parts of your body. J catalogued every wince, every hiss of air inhaled through clenched teeth, every muttered “ow, fuck”, every shift. All of your responses were memorised and J began to work out what he was going to do to look after you. He didn’t have a plan, he never had a plan. He only had an idea and so long as that idea came into fruition was J satisfied; it didn’t matter how it happened, just so long as it did.

J’s main concern for the moment was patching up those cuts. Crimson droplets had turned into trails which were beginning to conceal on your skin. At the blade’s point of entry was the blood black, so drawn out had your session been, and he cracked open the dark green first aid kit. J kept his intense chocolate gaze on you the entire time, his hands knew what they were doing. This was as familiar an event to his body as the act of sex itself; though it was never purely physical when the two of you had any kind of session. It was two souls, each as chaotic as the other, melding together to create something so beautiful, so passionate, that the love you shared was bigger than your own selves. You always hesitated to use celestial terms because they could never do your relationship justice; its depths were as murky and as complex as you yourselves were.

He cleaned your wounds with disinfectant, which made you tiredly hiss and pull away from J’s touch, something which felt inherently wrong to you. Each time did J shush you quietly, and when each one was disinfected did he put a small plaster on it. As his careful fingers smoothed over the plaster did he bend down to press a kiss to your injury, as if his love could seep into the plaster and heal your wounds from the inside out.

Though your wounds were now clean and bandaged, blood still remained on your skin. So - next step - you groaned in slight relief and in pain as J’s hand dipped between your thighs. You clenched your legs shut on impulse, trapping J’s hand there. “A-ta-ta, no." He tapped your thigh twice, open up for me, and you suppressed a moan as you opened your legs for J, letting him see you. His cum was leaking out of you, pearly white against the pink of your folds, and he hummed both in satisfaction and in thought as he took a moment to just take in what he had done to you.

“J,” You whispered his name to centre yourself and J’s eyes flicked to yours. Two pairs of chocolate eyes met and you saw J smile at you. It was a small, barely there upwards quirk of his full lips from both corners, but you saw the gesture, you saw J, for what it was and for who he was and you felt your stomach swoop. Fuck, you loved him. You did. “I love you.”

The smile deepened on J’s face and he kept his eyes on yours as his hand dipped into the bowl of soapy hot water you hadn’t noticed earlier, wringing out the flannel. J draped the flannel over his hand and two things happened at precisely the same time, making you arch upwards into J. His hand dipped between your legs as he began to wipe you down and his lips claimed yours for his own, swallowing your moans of pain and discomfort as his hand, clinical but full of care, cleaned you up, removing all traces of your session from your sensitive core. Oh, but it hurt and cool shivers danced up your body from the very base of your spine and you pushed your face into the kiss, wanting more of everything which J was giving you so freely, so lovingly.

J kept his lips on yours for as long as his hand was cleaning you up, his movements deft and so gentle that you could only feel the wet warmth between your legs. A finger, covered by the soiled flannel, dipped just inside your folds to clean you there, too, and though it was borderline sensual, the level of tenderness which he was showing you, there was nothing sexual in what J was doing. His lips were slightly rough and yet so affectionate, his tongue sweeping against yours, his teeth nibbling gently at your bottom lip. There was only reverence in his touch now as J lay worship at your altar, telling you in a way only you could hear that he loved you, too. That he always had, always will and always would.

J’s hand, which remained between your thighs, stilled long before his mouth did, his lips trailing across your lower cheek and leaving fire in their wake as he pressed kisses so soft, at least for J, that it made you want to cry. You were sore and tired and you ached in places you didn’t even realise you could ache, so thorough were J’s attentions, so demanding was his body in the way that it put your own to the test, in all the ways that he had claimed you this night, again and again and again. He had edged you, brought you to orgasm multiple times in the same session, and you were well and truly spent.

Finally, J pulled his hand away from you and you missed the reassuring, warm weight of him between your thighs. Your core felt empty, cold, and you both craved for J to once more caress your velvet walls with his thick cock, and for him to leave you alone. J was the very definition of contradiction, of madness within you, and you loved every second of it, every second of him. He pulled away just enough from the kiss so that his nose could brush up against yours as he said, “You’re my hyena, Lilith. My little night monster, hm? There isn’t any me if there’s no you. You’re, ah - you’re im-port-ant to me.”

You choked on a sob, so tired and so emotionally and physically overwhelmed were you, and J cooed mockingly as he left the room to dump out the water and to replace it so that he could wash the rest of you over. He was just as clinical as he dragged the fresh flannel over your face, his touch gentle as he wiped your tears away with a smile in his eyes but not on his lips, your shoulders, your chest - he ghosted over your nipple piercings, so sensitive were they - abdomen, stomach, thighs... your entire body was washed over while J’s eyes searched for bruises, cuts, anything he had missed. He kept the first aid box within reach but otherwise allowed you to drift. He had an inkling that he had pushed you perhaps a little too far this time, but he knew that you would be okay after some sleep.

Finally, with all of your physical needs met and tended to, it was time for the part which the both of you loved. J was quick to tidy away the discarded plaster papers which had been strewn haphazardly over the bed while he looked after you, dump the used water down the sink and put the bowl back under the sink. He was also quick to take his own wash, water splashing all over the floor, the dirty flannel left in the water which he didn’t bother to drain away before he came back to bed. The bathroom was in a right state, but you weren’t and neither was J and that was what mattered.

Tidying the bathroom could wait. You couldn’t.

The bedroom door shut firmly behind J with a loud click which alerted you to his presence. J didn’t want to startle you, though he was also loathe to disturb your rest. Still, he had to pick the lesser evil. He slid easily into bed beside you, his hand curling around your upper shoulder as he pulled you into his body. J moved slowly, at such a rate that you knew where he wanted you, but just enough that you could control your own movements and therefore cause yourself as little discomfort and pain as possible.

“How ya’ feeling, doll?”

You groaned sleepily but J poked you hard in the rib. He needed a verbal answer, to know that you were okay. “’M ‘kay, J. Not hurt - just sleepy. ” You got yourself comfortable, hooking a leg over J’s hip to keep him close. It hurt and your inner thighs burned but you needed to feel J between your legs, you just felt so lost without him all over your body. You slung an arm around him and shuffled closer... and closer... and closer, pushing yourself up against J.

With an amused giggle, his body shaking, did J carefully lift you so that you were laying on him. You smiled sleepily and nuzzled in; J always knew what you needed, always, so well did he know you. He ducked his head and rained kisses down upon the crown of your own. His kisses were slow, full of love and of the sense that he was preserving this moment, cherishing it as it was occuring, and each kiss which found purchase upon your head was punctuated with a hum and then a ‘mwah’ as he pulled away.

His arms tucked you into his chest, like a safe cage was J around you as he shielded you from the room, as did the duvet atop your bodies. “You sleepy thing. Get some sleep, hm? Daddy’s got’cha.” J’s voice rumbled in his chest on the way out and you pressed clumsy, sleepy kisses to the bare skin, truly smiling as you did so.

“I love you, J. My J.”

“Mm-hm,” another kiss bestowed upon your head, “and you’re my hyena. Sleep, Lilith.” His tone was firm, his words clear, and as you burrowed down did J squeeze his arms around you, telling you that he was there, that he wasn’t leaving you, that he loved you. With his heartbeat in your ear, his arms locked around you and his breaths matching your own, did you finally slip into sleep the way one gets into a bath:

Slowly and then all at once.

Destructive raccoon boii™ @nothing-but-a-comedy @jokershyena @anyatheladyclown @mijachula @joker-daddy @rinbyo @imightaswellnotexistatall @vladtoly @joker-is-my-hero @liz-rdwitch @enigmaticandunstable @ledgerskitten @tsukiakarinobara @germansarechill @ezziesworld @antonija89 @acw1 @sadjesterautumn @mermaleizroseglasses @justawriterinprogress

#heath ledger #heath ledger joker #heath ledger joker x reader #heath ledger joker imagine #heath ledger imagine #heath ledger x reader #ledger!joker #ledger!joker imagine #ledger!joker x reader #ledger!joker fanfic #ledger!joker x reader imagine #ledger joker x reader #ledger joker #ledger joker imagine

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fangsandforests · 4 years

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Is a Leopard Gecko the Right Pet for You?

Leopard geckos are right up there with ball pythons and bearded dragons as some of the most common and popular reptiles in pet stores. You’ve no doubt seen them go for about $30 at your local pet store.

But if you’re interested in getting a leopard gecko, don’t be fooled into thinking that caring for them is as easy and cheap as the pet stores make it look. Compared to other reptiles, leopard geckos are indeed a great choice for beginners. But it shouldn’t be an impulse buy, and I’ll give you a few reasons why.

Here are the pros and cons of keeping leopard geckos as pets. As usual, we’ll start with the not-so-great news.

A good setup can be pricey

You’ll have no problem finding common color forms of leopard geckos for less than $50. There are always some up for adoption/rehoming, too. But if you’re like me and want to provide the absolute best for your pet, expect to spend at least a couple hundred dollars on its setup.

Now, you can keep a leopard gecko in a tub setup with a heat mat or heat tape, as many breeders successfully do. This is by far the cheapest way to go. If your goal is just to cover all the bases, then I’m not here to stop you. But if your goal is to provide everything a leopard gecko needs to thrive, not just survive, here’s what it might cost you.

(This was my shopping list for a naturalistic setup when I rescued Calcifier. Prices may vary depending on where you buy the items and if you choose different brands than I did.)

Enclosure (Exo Terra 24x18x12) - $125

Heat Source (Arcadia Deep Heat Projector bulb + Zilla Deep Dome) - $50

Thermostat (Herpstat EZ1) - $80

UV Lighting (Arcadia Shadedweller fixture and bulb) - $40

Substrate (Bio Dude Terra Sahara) - $17

Natural rock and wood - $50

Hides - $25

Water dish - $8

Supplements (Arcadia EarthPro-A, Arcadia CalciumPro, and Repashy Calcium Plus) - $25

This price list doesn’t cover feeders, but crickets and mealworms are fairly cheap. Even if you get more expensive feeders like dubia or hornworms, you’re monthly cost will likely stay below $30.

A quick word about thermostats before we move on: a reliable thermostat is an absolute must for any animal that requires a heat source. There are definitely cheaper options than Herpstat (my choice), some around $20. But this is not an area where you want to skimp on quality or you could end up with a dead animal or a house fire, so choose wisely! Also, if you get a heat source like the Deep Heat Projector, it’s recommended that you use a dimming thermostat to extend the life of the bulb.

It’s a long-term commitment

Leopard geckos don’t just live for a few short years. In fact, males can live for 20 years or more if you’re caring for them properly. I don’t know many dogs and cats that have lived that long!

So if you’re getting a leopard gecko, you need to think about the future. Are you getting it for a kid who’s going to grow up and leave it behind? Are you going to have the time for daily care for the next 20 years? Do you have a backup plan if you can no longer give it a good home?

They prefer the night

If you were hoping for a pet you can hang out with during the day, you might not like having a leopard gecko. They are most active at dusk, dawn, and during the night.

On the other hand, a leopard gecko would be a wonderful pet if you work all day and prefer to spend time with your animals in the evening.

Certain morphs have complications

Breeders have been producing and selling leopard geckos for a long time. And, as a result, a number of problematic situations have cropped up with certain color morphs and traits.

I’m not going to go into detail on this, because a gecko keeper I deeply respect recently made a wonderful video on the subject. The bottom line is, be sure to familiarize yourself with the types of complications associated with some of the morphs out there. I wouldn’t recommend that first-time gecko keepers try to deal with neurological issues.

And that’s all I have to say on the negative side of things, believe it or not. There are a number of reasons leopard geckos make great pets, and the pros definitely outweigh the cons here.

They’re clean

Once leopard geckos adjust to their new home, they will typically pick a corner to use as a bathroom zone. I’ve even seen keepers successfully “litter train” them with a removable dish or paper towel. They’ll do their business there every single time, making cleaning day incredibly easy.

I should mention that I do provide natural substrate for Calcifer, and he likes to dig around in it. Sometimes that means he gets substrate where I don’t want it to go, but that’s an easy fix. He is, by far, the cleanest animal I have!

They’re personable

In general, leopard geckos are one of the friendliest reptiles out there. Of course, every animal is an individual, so there are some exceptions to this. Some geckos can be skittish and never seem to adjust to handling.

Here a few things I noticed about Calcifer that seem to be pretty standard for most leopard geckos:

He’s curious. Ever since I established trust with him, Calcifer has never shown any signs of fear around me. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. If I’m doing something in the same room during his waking hours, he will watch me. If I move something or add something to his enclosure, he’s quick to come out and investigate.

Calcifer comes when called. I get all my animals used to my voice so they hear me before they see me and won’t get startled. Calcifer knows that when I speak to him, I’m generally about to bring him food or take him out for handling, so he will eagerly come out from wherever he’s hiding.

He loves to just “chill” with me. Because human hands are warm, Calcifer is happy just sitting on my hand for a while. It’s not like handling a crested gecko, which is typically moving/jumping around the entire time. Calcifer is cool with just hanging out for a bit.

He doesn’t bite. Now, I have been bitten by Calcifer, but that was on the first day I had him. I couldn’t give him time to settle in because I had to start giving him antibiotics and medicated soaks right away. He was understandably scared and not happy with this arrangement, so he bit me once. It did not hurt at all or break skin, and he never tried it again. It takes a lot for a leopard gecko to want to bite someone, and if you’re being a respectful keeper, it should never happen.

They’re hardy

Leopard geckos can definitely have health problems, don’t get me wrong. But I’ve seen geckos that endured horrible care and were able to come out of that situation and make a full recovery. (Calcifer is one of those geckos!)

While I think you should always try to provide the best possible care, your leopard gecko probably won’t be negatively impacted if you forget to dust a feeder, you miss a feeding day, or the heat source stops working. There’s a little bit of wiggle room to make some mistakes.

They’re easy to find

Like I said, it’s not hard to find a leopard gecko in the color morph of your choice for a relatively cheap price. And there always seems to be people out there looking to rehome geckos, or rescues that have some ready for adoption.

So if you want a leopard gecko, you won’t have to look far!

16 notes · View notes

mikeshanlon · 4 years

Note

do you like astrology and if you do what signs do you think the losers are

Okay so shoutout @denbrough (mo) for helping me with this, also @stenbranlons (claudia) for nodding alongin our gc, I’m sorry we talked about this for like a week RGLKNRG. To preface,we are in no way astrology experts lmao, we pulled from several differentsources and picked which ones we felt fit best. Which, that being said, we didnot consider any of the canon birthdays for this, just vibes. Ik some peopleare very particular about astrology headcanons LGRNG so these are just our ownopinions, any differing ones are not less valid or whatever. Also, charts arevery complex and have many different factors, like Mercury for communicationand Venus for love, etc, we just decided to do the main three placements. Incase some of y’all don’t know, someone’s Sun sign is essentially their basicidentity and personality, it’s how we act in the world, and our conscious mind.Our moon sign is our emotional self, our unconscious, how we react tothings, our deepest needs. Some astrologists say this is more like our “trueself”. One’s rising or ascendant sign is our social personality, it is howpeople perceive us, and often how we perceive the world and new experiences—it representsthe “outward”. Some refer to it as the mask we wear around others, though thatdoes not mean our rising/ascendant is fake, but rather how we act and thinkwhen interacting with our environment. Anyways because this is me, theseexplanations became super fucking long so I’m sorry about that! This was superfun though, thank you for asking!

Bill:

Leo Sun: Leos are leaders, theyare very charming and pull people in with their loyalty, humor, and confidence.All of the losers love Bill and are very enraptured by him, Leos tend to be inthe spotlight and adored, so I think this is very fitting. They always want tohelp people but sometimes they can also get fixated and arrogant and end up neglectingwhat others need—for instance Bill being so fixated on finding Georgie that hedoesn’t totally realize the other losers are really scared and getting hurt. Still,Leos are very inspiring and fearless and want their people to be happy. Leosare also quite romantic and generous, which I think are traits that can beattributed to Bill.

Cancer Moon: Okay so I have alwayssaid Bill has Big Cancer Energy, but I think it makes most sense as hisemotional self. Cancers are caretaker types; they want the best for theirfriends and do whatever they can to help them. They are persuasive—sometimes tothe point of manipulation. Many Cancers are afraid of rejection/abandonment(hello Bill’s shitty parents and him holding onto the idea of his brother foras long as possible!) Because they are so caring and sensitive towards theirfriends, they can be quite moody—both anger and sadness. (Bill be Crying andpunching his friends sometimes doe!) Cancers like art and are very imaginative(Bill’s art and writing). When I think of Cancers, I think of tender h*rniness.They fall in love very easily and crave a deep love and can be v thirsty attimes lmao, to me that really encapsulates Bill. Cancer Moons are also verydomestic and love comfort, and while I think Bill likes to go on adventures, Ithink he is someone who enjoys a sort of domestic routine with the people heloves from time to time. Cancer also rules the moon so he’s Extra EmotionalLNRGRG.

Aries Rising: Those with Ariesrising are often leaders, lively, generous, warm, and have a reputation ofbeing a troublemaker. They are rash and jump into situations (HELLO BILL KINGOF DUMB IMPULSE DECISIONS). But, they are very engaging and can be greatmotivational speakers (Neibolt speech teas). They want to help friends to thepoint that if they refuse, an Aries rising individual will refuse to acceptthat rejection. Furthermore, sometimes they can come off a bit like arrogantassholes, but they really do care about their friends and just want to helperklgneg. Aries rising people are very emotional and their impulsiveness cansometimes translate into rushing serious relationships.

Mike:

Libra Sun: Libras are very diplomatic;they bring harmony and balance and can see multiple sides. I think this fitsMike very well, for instance during the scene where the losers are by the PaulBunyan statue, Mike understands why Stan is looking at this logically but healso understands Bill’s emotional reaction. He also understands why Bill andBeverly think they should stay together and help, but he also understands whyRichie/Ben/Stan don’t want to keep going. He tries to get everyone to calm thefuck down and cooperate. Libras hate conflict, aside from Mike’s nonviolence(not wanting to kill the sheep and hesitating to hurt Henry until he knew itwas life or death), he also avoided telling all the losers about why he askedthem to return, showing sometimes his aversion to conflict can be a negative. Librasoften get fixated on one thing—the crazy conspiracist Mike of it all… Iunderstand why people think he could be a Taurus because of his commitment tothe losers and staying in Derry for 27 years, but I think that is super tied tothe idea of bringing justice for those who P*nnywise killed and will try to kill,Libras are super into fighting against injustice. Also, Libras are ruled byVenus and love love and are very charming, I think Mike has a certain pull andmagnetism about him.

Taurus Moon: Individuals withtheir moon in Taurus are very warm, affectionate, and sentimental. They like togather all the facts but can be somewhat impressionable, again I think thismakes sense with how he decides that he believes pennywise exists and hisresearch as he stays in Derry. Speaking of, this line from Mo’s book killed me:“when you’re confronted with a problem you look for the most effective way todeal with it, and even if it’s personally painful for you, you get it handled”.Like. Oh my god. They also like creature comforts—often Taurus is linked withluxury but I think in this sense his ‘luxury’ is his kitschy clutter of thingsthat hold sentimental value—supernatural items, knick knacks from his childhood,his favorite books, etc. He holds these dear and this is probably why his homeis a big ol mess but he likes it and finds it cozy. Speaking of, they are veryromantic and want a life of domesticity, which feels very Mike to me! Theyinvest a lot in their friendships, I think this is true of Mike as well seeingas you know.. he sacrifices years of his life so they can be happy.

Capricorn Rising: Those withCapricorn rising can be quite shy with strangers, but once they get to knowpeople, they are very friendly and warm. They are very dedicated to theirgoals, these goals are often to strive for a better life (Mike wanting to savethe people of Derry, Mike wanting to travel, etc). But sometimes this strivingcan make Cap risings feel unfulfilled and they continue to search for somethingmissing. Capricorn rising individuals are smart and concentrated, they are ableto parse through information and plan ahead, though sometimes they go overevery detail too much—Mike is very into research and understanding things andsearches every possibility. They love deeply and are very loyal and protectiveof those they love. They can worry a lot. Mo also added that cap risings are dependent,reliable, and stable. which can be attributed to mike staying in derry allthose years and keeping that promise to call them. Overall he’s very groundedand down to earth with his rising/moon!

Stan:

Virgo Sun: Virgos are veryanalytical and pay attention to the little details. Often times, this leads tothem being very critical of themselves and others, and they are prone toworrying. I think Stan is someone who tries to navigate through life logically,but he can get caught up in the anxieties of everything going wrong and getoverwhelmed. They often like animals and nature (not to be like Stan likesbirds and plants and shit but he does GLKNRG), and value cleanliness, sometimesthis leads to germaphobia or hypochondria especially because Virgos tend toworry (and we know Stan is a germophobe and deals with OCD, he has to clean thebloody bathroom in a certain way, the painting needs to be perfectly straight,etc.). In friendships, Virgos usually play a role of an advisor—they are veryloyal and want to solve problems but sometimes that means they find problems ineverything (I think Stan tries to advise the group but also Bill is like okaylet’s do it like this

Pisces Moon: Some people view Stanas very emotionless or even angry, but I think he’s quite emotional, he justtries to operate with logic first. Pisces moons are often described as ‘dreamy’and want to escape reality (Stan being like it’s summer let’s just forget what’sgoing on and… other stuff lmao). They are very emotional, but those emotionscan be hard for others to read because they are very mysterious, and even hardfor the individual to express. They have a strange sense of humor (kookiekookie lend me your bonessssss). Those with Pisces moon are very sweet andsensitive to others suffering and are drawn to those in crisis often (like.Literally all of the losers LKGNRKRG) and can be overly trusting (I swear Bill!!!).They are also very afraid of the past coming back to haunt them… :(. Mo the ultimate Stan stan also had this to say: ever since claudia tagged one ofmy posts about stan being one of the most emotional losers but no one evertalking about it, i'm constantly thinking about how stan reacts to things. myinitial reaction was scorpio moon, but scorpio moons are really good at hidingtheir emotions. think about stan's reactions to big events in his life: gettingleft alone in the sewers, his bar mitzvah getting mike's call. he has distinctemotional reactions. pisces is also the sign of sorrow and self-undoing, sothinking back to some canon events it just makes a lot of sense to me. piscesmoons are also really selfless when it comes to their friends, but very strictand disciplined when it comes to themselves.

Aquarius Rising: There’s thissection in Mo’s astrology book that just like. So completely encapsulates Stanand how he interacts with the losers imo: “You are often intolerant of otherpeople’s shortcomings and can be wickedly sarcastic and very funny at the sametime. Your razor-sharp powers of observation help you uncover flaws that youcan poke fun at. You are a system of paradoxes. You enjoy being with people butare perfectly content to be alone. You like to travel but love relaxing athome. You are friendly and outgoing but, at other times, moody and reserved.” Like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Also, those with their rising in Aquarius are very idealistic and want theworld to be happy and harmonious (Stan being like its summer can we chill andnot wanting to be part of any conflict). They can also feel impatient towardsthose who don’t share the same vision.

Beverly: (imma be honest Bev was the hardest toplace so don’t judge lerngerg)

AquariusSun: To me, Aquarians are the epitome of like… chill/friendly stonerthat likes to talk about conspiracy theories and injustices of the world whiley’all are seshing but they are also kinda mysterious bc you never really knowwhats going on in their head …. which is v Bev to me RLGKNNKRG. Aquarians lovehanging out with friends and are really good listeners, which I think is trueof Beverly—they also have odd senses of humor. They are humanitarians that liketo fight for justice, I think Bev is someone who wants to fight for those whoare being hurt bc it’s something she has experienced and wants to provide thehelp that she didn’t get. For instance, she’s the one who’s like we need to gosave Mike, and she also wants to help save Derry and agrees with Bill that theyshould keep fighting Pennywise during the big fight after Neibolt. Aquarians canbe quite paradoxical—at times they are shy, other times loud and eccentric, Ithink this makes sense for Bev, another quality is that those with their sun inAquarius like to have some time alone, both of these things make me think ofthe moments she enjoys on her own and the other times she seeks out fun withthe losers and does crazy shit like jump off a cliff LKGNKNRG. They can bekinda bad at emotional expression and are very guarded with their emotions,sometimes coming of cold/bitchy until they know they can trust someone (Bev toBen at first on the stairs elrkgnerg).

Aquarius Moon: okay Mo wrote this explanation and I thot it was perfect so: Moon in Aquarius brings upthe qualities of sensitivity and perception. Since aqua is the sign of rationalthinking and humanitarianism, moon in Aquarius gives a person a clear mindsetand kinder outlook on life. Moon in Aqauarius are rational, intuitive, andimaginative, which i think can speak for a lot of beverly's character traitsand actions like her monologue in it 2017 where she tries to rationally explainwhy pennywise is going after them and how they have to defeat it, whereaseveryone else is struck by fear and emotional, or at the end of it 2019 whereshe tells richie that eddie is dead, and being intuitive enough to know thatshe has to tell him and tell him in a specific way, the imagination quality isa clear call to her artistic vision as a designer. aqua moons have greatvitality, they're witty conversationalists, and all around great friends. ithink that the friendliness and sociability of her aqua moon can be offset byher sag rising so there's more balance and nuance to her characteristics there.they're interested in the unusual, specifically in people, which could link herto vibing so well with the losers club. they can't stand possessive or jealouslovers, but they unconsciously choose people who aren't available to them (herfirst husband). they need a fine line between commitment and independence,which i think speaks to her behavior as a kid. she needs the stability and thespace to grow she didn't have from her dad. they deeply value platonic love. overall,aqua moons are independent, they have stimulating minds, persuasive charms, anda side of their personality that will always gear towards the unusual

SagittariusRising: Sagittarians love hanging out with their friends, but they alsohave the desire to be free and have adventures (I want to run towardssomething, not away! Queen). They are wise but optimistic, again I think thisties with things like her understanding that they all have to stick together tobeat pennywise, but also believing that they have the ability to kill It aswell. They are humorous and can be quite outgoing and confident, there aretimes when Bev is v confident and wild (teasing Ben, jumping off the cliff,initiating the rock war, etc). Sag risings are also v brave—like every single timeshe fights It or the Bowers or her dad or her husband. They’re good at tellingstories. They are also people who fight for the oppressed and want to createideas that help the world.

Ben:

Pisces Sun: Pisces are super friendlyand will do anything to help others even if they don’t get anything back(Ben!!!!!!!! Ben!!!!!!). They are very compassionate and gentle with others, I thinkthis is very true for Ben as he is p much always super sweet and understanding withthe losers. Their compassion can sometimes lead to being way too trusting—this canbe a problem bc they could fall in with bad company and hate being criticizedand sometimes views themselves as a victim. I don’t think Ben ever tries to like…capitalize on being a victim or anything but I think he does feel that waysometimes especially in regards to Bill/Bev, but he understands that’s her owndecision, again being very compassionate and not expecting anything out of hisactions. Sometimes their strong emotions can manifest in negative ways, likebeing scared, sad, and feeling misunderstood—they also can cry p easily (Ben criesquite a bit for his friends like in the sewers and his own romantic feelingsand stuff). They are super romantic and love unconditionally. They are also quiteintuitive, I think this makes sense (in tandem with the romanticism) withthings like kissing Bev to save her, understanding where to look into stuff inregard to the pennywise bullshit, etc.

Taurus Moon: We’ve talked aboutthis a bit with Mike, but I think Ben is also a Taurus Moon! LunarTaureans are very sentimental and have deep, strong emotions. They are vromantic and hang on to their relationships, both platonic and romantic, (thepostcard…….) they want a devoted and committed relationship that providessecurity. Those with their moon in Taurus really invest a lot in their friendships,I think friendship is one of if not the most important thing to Ben so thismakes a lot of sense to me. There’s a line in one of the sites I looked at thatfeels SO Ben to me: “Taurus moon sign energy has two speeds: relaxed andcontented […] or hyped-up and ready to charge”. That totally reminds me of howBen is usually p chill and easy going but when the people he loves arethreatened he goes crazy to protect them (the rock war scream and him going crazyduring that LGKNNRG and fighting pennywise, etc). While Mike’s affinity for luxuryis more like…. Kitschy clutter trash GLNRG, I think Ben’s interest in architecturefeels v luxurious and the importance of a home base makes sense for him. TaurusMoons also like to gather all the facts first—this makes sense in how heapproaches his friendships/relationships but also other things like investigatingDerry.

Libra Rising: Let’s go diplomatic romanticslet’s goooooooooo!!! Libras want harmony and are therefore good mediators, theywant everyone to have a good time and are good at teamwork. I think this makessense for Ben and can especially be seen in scenes like the reunion dinnerwhere he tries to calm everyone down and let Mike be heard. They are persuasivebut often do so with a ‘nice guy’ approach rather than like Charm andConfidence like Leo/Aries. Again, Libra Risings are SUPER romantic and havegood intuition, they usually know when they have a chance with someone and willcreate an ideal vibe for their relationships to bloom. They like to plan aheadfor the future with their loved ones (hello argument scene where he’s like imgonna be 30 and far away from here). They also feel like they need anotherhalf, which i think is true for romance but also just like. He needs hisfriends and really loves/cares about them. Those with their rising in Libraalso really care about home aesthetics and having a balanced space, again I thinkaiding in his architecture career.

Eddie

Sagittarius Sun: Tbh, I was v tornbetween sag and scorpio for Eddie’s sun, but I think Sagittarius best describeshis sun and Scorpio for his emotional self. Sagittarians are curious and fullof energy, and they value freedom (hello let Eddie be free!!!!!!). They can besuper impatient and tactless with some of the things they say, which is a veryEddie thing to me lernrgge. Furthermore, they can get angry pretty quickly aswell, and often talk quickly too (Eddie speaks so fucking fast and snaps easilyat everyone erglknegr). They also have good senses of humor; they like to teaseothers. Those with sun in Sagittarius are dedicated to their friends and arewilling to do anything… like defy their awful mother and crawl through a sewerwith a broken arm to fight a murderous clown. Sometimes they have blind faithin others, which I think could be translated to his relationship with Bill andto a more intense and negative respect, his mother. Sags want to find knowledgeand understand other people’s beliefs, and they are very vocal about their own,even to the point of exaggeration (like every single rant Eddie goes on LMAO).They also like sports which like LET EDDIE RUNNNN. Also, not to be a reddie butin looking at compatibility with the signs Gemini/Sag fit so much better forthem and made a lot of sense to me.

Scorpio Moon: Those with theirmoon in Scorpio are very emotionally intense and can be quite dramatic. Thiscan allow them to be quite perceptive of the emotions of others. However, theyare very good at hiding their own emotions because they often disprove of themand deny that they are motivated by their strong emotions. (hello repressedEddie). This helps Scorpio moons feel in control, but it can be detrimental. Ireally love this line from Mo’s book: “you must learn to let go emotionally andfeel your pain, and through the experience expand your phenomenalability to love”. Yup lover!!!! Scorpio moons are also very determined andpersistent…. fighter eddie!! Lover and fighter eddie!!! This made me kinda sad,but it says that there’s usually sorrow/trouble in the lives of Moon-Scorpiosand those are often tied to family and health… :/ and that they think ofescapist fantasies to cope with that. Scorpio moons are sensual but thestereotype of ~super sexy scorpio~ is kind of misleading. They have huge trustissues and don’t want to be controlled (oop… also they usually get married multipletimes lmao), it takes a lot for them to be trusting in love but when they do it’sa very deep love.

Virgo Rising: Those with theirrising in Virgo are BIG worriers and are super analytical, they often noticetiny details. (Maybe a dumb thing but Eddie is always the first to notice whenone of their friends is gone in the sewers, also in more funny and little wayslike him sniffing Ben’s perfume—that also ties in with his Sag curiosity imo).However, even though they notice details and can be intuitive, they miss out onemotional nuances. Sometimes they can be a little too forward and matter offact with people—I think Eddie speaks before he thinks a lot LKRG and can saysome rude shit sometimes without realizing it. (Ik this is kinda like my own stuffbleeding through but in general I think Eddie can be oblivious to other’semotions LRNGKNLG). They are very critical—often towards themselves, they areinsecure and beat themselves up over just about every little thing they do (SUCHan Eddie thing to me). Furthermore, they are guarded with their emotions untilthey have analyzed the situation and feel comfortable (again. Very Eddie tome). This often means they come off as timid and at times cold/stand-offish,which I think in new situations or times when Eddie’s unsure (aka has not analyzedeverything and feels unsafe whether physically or with his emotions), he tendsto draw in on himself and stay quiet. (But, then, his fire Sag side comes burstingout when he just can’t take it anymore and goes bonkers LKGRNG). Virgo risingsare organized and care about hygiene and cleanliness and are very in tune withtheir body (of course, Eddie’s obsession with cleanliness and hygiene/healthhas a lot to do with his mother’s abuse, but I also think there are some parts withinhim inherently who care about those things, it just got exacerbated in anextremely negative way bc of his mother). Interestingly, Virgo risings are veryenergetic, often with nervous energy, and have a hard time staying still—this feelsvery Eddie to me, his pacing and emphatic hand gestures, etc.

Richie:

Gemini Sun: Geminis are superwitty and funny and love to have a grand ol’ chaotic time with their friends,but then can turn serious suddenly. Oftentimes they feel restless and feel likethey are missing their other half so to speak (the yearning… the emo moments…).They’re very sociable and hate being alone, they love to entertain others, theyare strong communicators. Their love for communication often means they feelthe need to talk A LOT, even to strangers. (Trashmouth Tozier always talking!—Mopointed out that Richie’s talking is so bad that they had to create a separate phase,beep beep, just to be like We Seriously Want You To Shut Up, which I thinkmakes sense for all his placements bc they’re all like. One’s where the person talksso fucking much GRLNRG my annoying king

Gemini Moon: Yup double geminilove this obnoxious legend!!! (jk I like geminis but. It’s true. I am also sayingthis as a gemini moon). A lot of the stuff about his sun can be applicable herebut I’ll add on bc I am incapable of shutting up (the gemini moon of it all…) Thisis from Mo’s book again, I’ll just add some commentary/examples as to why Ithink it fits with Richie: Gemini moons are mutable and erratic. they have anactive mind, and imaginative and creative personality, and are inclined to intellectualpursuits. they have extraordinary quick sensory impressions of the outsideworld and they rapidly sift through info in their minds to make judgements.fast learners, high iqs probably , good critics and have the ability to bothanalyze and verbalize (despite some fanon interpretations, Richie is actually reallysmart, he’s good at math/science, I believe he’s also into politics later in college?).they have great charm. conversations with gemini moons tend to go off onunexpected tangents and take sudden turns and reverse (This feels SO Richie tome lekrnglenr). at heart, a lunar gemini is essentially restless and needsconstant stim (Makes sense for Richie for me, also with his ADHD, he needs tobe playing video games or reading a comic or doing this and that, he hatedhaving to be look out and do nothing for like an hour ergklnerg). lunargemini's are always mentally assessing their feelings. they tend to dissecttheir feelings and emotions to analyze why they think or behave in a certainway. they're quick witted and vibrant and can change their minds often. inemotional relationships they display a free spirit, going on the whims of theother person's emotions. at times their talent can be isolated because theylose interest in this quickly and drop their projects. they perform well whenin a relationship with someone practical and hardheaded (inch resting……..)

Pisces Rising: Taking some morestuff from Mo’s book, these lines I think really resonate with Richie’s outwardself and how he deals with the world: “You want life to be perfect and since itisn’t, you choose not to see what you don’t want to see”. That is SUCH a Richiething to me. “At parties Rising-Pisceans are vivacious and verbal (sometimesyou talk too much); you enjoy performing in front of a group. A talent formimicry makes many Pisces Ascendants turn to theater”. Literally Richie… the Voices,the talking too much and wanting to entertain the losers…. Those with Piscesrising are also very romantic and want to live a fantasy life, but they can bevery sad and moody especially because they feel like they are destined to bealone. (Richie yearning gay….) They are also quite disorganized but work wellin groups (let’s go loserssss clubbbbbb!!!).

#it #the losers club #literally im so sorry this is so long LKRGKLRNGR #anon #ask

19 notes · View notes

sunmisgirl · 5 years

Text

Strangers

For ☀️ anon: The Exo reaction to their fight with their girlfriend was so good. I really enjoyed reading it. Would it be possible to get a full scenario with maybe Lay or Sehun?

Couple: Sehun x female reader

Genre: Angst with some sprinkles of fluff

Length: 1.3k

Nina’s Note: This scenario developed from an EXO reaction I wrote previously. Italics indicates internal thoughts.

Sehun scrolls through a social media app on his phone and briefly looks up the second you enter the bathroom and turn on the shower. “In three, two, one…” he counts aloud while inserting ear plugs.

On cue, your strangled rendition of yet another Top 40 Hits song overcomes the sound of running water and echoes throughout the apartment. He laughs when Vivi whimpers at the singing and scurries off to find a quiet place.

This is the typical morning routine for the three of you: Sehun awakening first to pick up coffee at a local cafe, you singing your heart out during showers to whatever overplayed song circulated the radio waves, and Vivi avoiding you until the singing stopped.

Weeks later��

Every relationship contains its obvious highs and lows. Sehun can’t remember how this all started but one argument led to another which soon created a snowball effect driving you two further apart.

The apartment used to feel warm and loving but now it is awfully silent and tense. You barely make eye contact and practically ignore each other’s existence.

Dinners are filled with the sound of clinking utensils instead of occasional laughter and stories shared over a meal. Some nights he even sleeps on the sofa instead of the bed with you.

On the way home from work one day, you think about the current situation with Sehun. You find it ridiculous that you share an apartment yet feel like you’re living with a complete stranger. He has no clue what is going on in your life.

He doesn’t even know you’re planning a short trip to visit your best friend tomorrow. Just as that thought crosses your mind, you receive a text from your bestie expressing her excitement to see you for a few days.

Before entering the apartment, you take a deep breath and try to dispel any negative energy. Vivi immediately approaches you by the door so you bend down to greet him and avoid Sehun’s stare.

Sehun eyes you from the kitchen and continues drinking his glass of water feeling bitter about your distant behavior. He cleaned the apartment earlier and found your airline ticket on the nightstand. He acknowledges the current strain between you two but never expected the relationship to end so abruptly.

“You could’ve told me you were planning to end this relationship.” Your brows furrow in confusion for two reasons: 1) this is the first time he’s spoken in weeks and 2) you’re surprised he’s assuming you’d break up.

“What are you talking about?” you question while approaching him in the kitchen. He sighs and leaves momentarily to retrieve the airline ticket he found on the nightstand.

The frustration bubbling within you for weeks reaches its point and you swipe through your phone to show the texts from your bestie instead of responding to him. Sehun instantly feels terrible for jumping to conclusions and starts to apologize, his heart growing weary from the lack of warmth and love in the apartment.

“Listen, I’m sorry. We’ve been fighting for so long--”.

“Save your breath. I’m so tired of this. I planned to share this information with you tonight over dinner but it seems you already came to a conclusion on your own,” you interject and storm away to the bedroom slamming the door behind you.

Your hand still clutches the door knob while your head rests on the wooden door contemplating your next move. Memories of the relationship start flooding your mind but one moment in particular stands out.

The first date. Sehun took you to the movies and stopped by a bubble tea shop afterwards. He couldn’t stop staring at you during the stroll through town but you were completely oblivious while looking at store fronts and drinking your bubble tea.

Suddenly he walked straight into a light pole and bumped his head causing you to burst out laughing. Although he sulked in embarrassment, Sehun would easily make a fool of himself again if it meant he could see that radiant smile gracing your face.

Times were easier back then. Your relationship bloomed like a flower does in the spring---slowly but beautifully. He was a bit shy in the beginning but eventually opened up to you and vice versa. You suited each other so well, almost like finding the missing piece in a jigsaw puzzle.

Tears form in your eyes remembering when the relationship went smoothly with hardly any rifts between you two. Now the arguing puts such an emotional and mental strain on you. Maybe leaving for a few days won’t solve anything. Maybe you need more time than that.

Sehun decides to sleep on the sofa that night too ashamed to speak to you after assuming the worst. Vivi keeps him company for the evening, sitting close to the sofa and peering at him curiously. “Don’t worry about us,” he mumbles to his loyal companion and reaches out to sleepily rub his head before making himself comfortable and dozing off into a deep slumber.

The next morning, he awakes in a groggy state but nonetheless determined to put a smile on your face. However, his heart drops the second he reaches the bedroom door.

Sehun walks deeper into the room finding the king sized bed neatly made with no signs of you besides the spare apartment key resting on the sheets. He then surveys the dresser and discovers empty drawers along with missing clothes from the closet.

She left. She actually left.

He stands there frozen in astonishment and anxiously combs his fingers through his dark hair, pondering why you unexpectedly departed without saying goodbye. In the midst of his thoughts, he remembers the time of departure and gate number on your airline ticket.

His mind and heart plead with him to chase after you but the clock on the wall ticks louder, taunting him and counting the little time he has left to catch the flight. Sehun throws caution to the wind and quickly changes into outerwear before rushing out his apartment.

Upon arrival to the airport, he runs like a madman through the terminal bumping into travelers and ignoring their questioning stares and outbursts. His eyes dart across the masses of travelers searching for your face in the crowd, still hopeful you had a change of heart and decided to stay.

Sehun finally locates your gate and races over to an employee in the boarding zone. The employee gives him a look of pity while he catches his breath from sprinting through the airport. “I have to speak to someone on that plane. Has it taken off yet?”

His heart almost stops beating when the employee utters the words he dreaded to hear. “I’m sorry, sir. That flight departed ten minutes ago.”

Sehun wordlessly walks away dejected by the reality of his new life without you. He returns to his car and remains quiet the entire drive home making no attempt to play the radio or even beep at drivers that cut him off on the road.

He drags himself into the apartment heading straight for the bedroom and closes the door ignoring Vivi’s barks. The first thing his eyes land on is a framed picture of you two during a road trip smiling without a worry in the world.

Sehun impulsively snatches the frame and stares at it with watery eyes. All of the memories you made together. The joy in his life. His home. He can confirm whoever says home is a place is a clear liar.

You were his home and now he has nothing left with your absence. He instantly hurls the frame at a nearby wall with a pained scream and breaks down while sitting on the edge of the bed.

#sun anon #exo #exo scenarios #exo au #exo drabbles #exo reactions #exo requests #exo fic #exo angst #exo fluff #oh sehun

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tidesreach · 4 years

Note

I hope you don't mind me asking but what's the difference between quiet BPD and normal? What do you think Nico has?

No problem! The term 'quiet borderline' is used in the community to differentiate some of the ways in which people experience symptoms. The main difference being that quiet borderlines tend to internalise their emotions, while classic borderlines externalise them. The symptoms aren't different—just the way you cope with them or the way they present themselves. It's not really as clean cut as being completely one or the other. I don't really think anyone is completely quiet or completely classic, but there is that differentiation there. If we imagine there's a scale I'm somewhere off the middle leaning more towards quiet BPD, because I internalise a lot. I frequently hide how I'm feeling and as a result I tend to isolate myself. For a number of reasons, really. But largely due to shame and fear of being invalidated or just "too much". I used to externalise my emotions a lot more when I was younger but due to various terrible reactions over the years I turned a lot of it inward. But not all the time, there are still times I outwardly explode they're just not as often as they used to be. I try hard to keep a lid on it—but mostly that just means I suffer or rage in silence. There are also things that I can't internalise, such as psychosis or certain impulsive behaviours. Or times when I just snap. But the shame that comes after is overwhelmingly horrible (think Nico, after Milan).

I think part of the reason why I relate to Nico so much is because we're so alike in that respect. Because, similarly, he leans a little towards quiet BPD. Nico hides his feelings incredibly well. He's always got that huge sunshine smile on his face, bless him. But that doesn't mean he isn't suffering. He is clearly suffering at multiple points but he works damn hard to never let anyone see it. Prime example: he is clearly suffering when Marti speaks negatively about mental illness in the bathroom, but we only catch a glimpse of it before he covers it up. Instead of externalising his emotions and getting outwardly upset or angry, he simply distances himself from Marti. Which is fairly common in quiet BPD. Even in Martino e Niccolò, when he can't internalise his emotions anymore, he's still trying to hide it. Because the idea of Marti seeing that part of him is utterly terrifying. He would rather suffer in silence than have it affect other people. It hurts profoundly to watch him wrestle with it. He internalises his feelings so often—as it becomes abundantly clear later on in the season—because the people in his life are so often dismissing and invalidating them.

So in answer to your question: Nico definitely exhibits traits of a quiet borderline in how much he internalises his emotions, and in the shame and self-hate he experiences when he's unable to internalise them anymore. It breaks my fucking heart because god, I know that feeling and it's completely horrible.

I would die for him. But this isn't news.

#aela answers things #skam italia #skam italia: thoughts

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the-small-one-to-rule-them-all · 5 years

Text

Dermatillomania

summary: (n)an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused.

aka: Logan has Dermatillomania and is really insecure about it.

pairing: romantic Logicality

warnings: negative self talk, negative self image, manipulation (logan briefly remembers some stuff people have said to him to try to get him to stop picking), Please let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: credit to @onlytrueinparadise for the awesome fic idea! I have dermatillomania, so this came from a pretty personal space, like I cried writing this. It’s hurt comfort because that is my favorite. This gets super sappy guys, it’s not all sad I promise. I hope you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals enjoy it!

Logan sighs as he looks down at the scars on his legs and his face. He knows that he shouldn't be picking at every little bump he feels on his skin, but he can't help it. The thing he hates the most is how self conscious it makes him, not just picking in the first place, which attracts lots of unwanted social attention, but the scabs and the scars. He dreads the day that someone will see them all. He does his best to avoid it, but it appears that day may have come.

He is sitting at his desk working while Patton sits in his spare desk chair a few feet away coloring. He has been subconsciously picking at a scab on his ankle. It has been itching all day and he just can't help it

“Hey Logan, what’cha picking at? Your pants fraying? Do ya’ need a pair of scissors, kiddo?” Patton asks.

Logan blushes and quickly pulls his hand away from his ankle, “No thank you Patton. It was just an itch.”

“Oh, okay.”

A few minutes later Logan is picking at his ankle again.

“Itch still bugging you kiddo? I got some anti itch cream that will make it feel better.”

Logan shifts in his chair, putting his leg down, “Oh uh, no thank you Patton. I'm fine.”

“Are you sure? You know not to scratch an itch. If it’s bugging you that bad I figure the cream is probably a good idea.”

Oh no, Patt is gonna figure it out. He begins to worry but does his best to hide it. Being as calm as possible, he says, “I, uh, no... it;s fine. I appreciate it but, really. I'm good.”

“Logan.” Patton says in his stern dad voice.

Logan shrinks in on himself a bit as Patton stands and walks over to where Logan is seated at his desk. He sets the cream down on the desk and stands over Logan, waiting.

Logan groans, “Pat, really, I'm fine.”

“Then you won't feel bad about showing me your ankle.”

Realising that he can not get out of this Logan starts to truly panic a bit, though he maintains his calm facade well. “Fine.” He sighs lifting his ankle to it’s place aop his knee as he turns to face Patton.

Patton frowns as he takes in the sight of the cut on Logan’s ankle.

Logan and braces himself for the worst, the memories of things people have said echoing in his ears.

“If you keep doing that you’re gonna make yourself bleed.”

“Can't you just leave your face alone?”

“Maybe it would be best if you could wait to do that in private, or use a tissue or something.”

“It’s going to get infected at some point”

“Stop, you’ll give yourself scars.”

“Don't you even want to stop picking?”

“Why don't you just try to stop?”

“Why don't you care?”

“We’re just trying to help you.”

Patton talks softly, “I thought you said it was an itch. Why did you lie to me?”

“I... I was embarrassed.” Logan admits.

“I don't understand.”

Logan sighs, “I have dermatillomania, a disorder where I compulsively feel the need to pick my skin. I have similar scars and scabs all over my legs and my face. I wear makeup to hide them, even though all the makeup does is give me pimples and make the need to pick even worse.”

“Is it always this bad?”

“This isn't even that bad.”Logan admits, “This one started out as a scrape from catching my foot on a screw on my chair, which I have since fixed. This is just me picking the scab.”

Patton nods, “Why don't I get you a bandaid? I'd much rather you pick at the bandaid than at that cut.”

Logan blinks, “You’re not going to scold me?”

“What?’ “You aren't going to scold me or tell me to just stop or to just do something else?”

Patton frowns, “Well I'm not super happy that you did it but you said it’s a disorder, and i'm sure it’s something your working on. Even if you aren't focused on trying not to pick i'm not going to yell at you for picking, that certainly isn't going to help anyone.”

Logan feels himself tearing up and hates that he’s doing this but is so overwhelmed that he doesn't know how else to respond so he just lets the tears fall.

“Oh kiddo, have people really been rude to you about this?”

Logan nods and Patton pulls him out of the chair and into his arms, hugging him tight. “I'm so sorry they said what they said to you Logan. You deserve so much better.”

Logan manages to get out a small “Thank you,” and Patton just holds him tighter, not sure what to say.

When Logan stops crying Patton has him sit on the edge of the bed and lovingly cleans his ankle and puts a bandaid over the cut. He even kisses the bandaid, “To make it feel better,” He insists.

Logan sighs and starts to pick at his face, both embarrassed and unable to fight the compulsion any longer.

Patton reaches up and gently grabs Logan’s hand and brings it down, away from his face.

“Would you show me your face love?”

“What do you mean? You are wearing your glasses and my face is right here.”

“Like without makeup.”

Logan freezes, “Uh... well.”

“I don't want to force you if you don't want to, but I want to help you understand that you are beautiful, scars and all.”

Logan is scared and doesn't want to but feels he should so he nods.

Patton gets the makeup wipes from the bathroom. When he gets back he hands them to Logan. “Take your time love. You can do this at your own pace.”

Logan nods and starts wiping the makeup off, keeping his eyes closed and his head ducked down, hiding. As he finishes he sets down the wipe with a sigh.

Patton waits for Logan to lift his head, but he doesn't, “Lo?”

“Are you sure you want to see me like this? I'm ugly.” Logan mutters, hoping that maybe Patton will change his mind.

“Lo, you aren't ugly-”

“You can't say that, you don't know. You haven’t seen my face.”

‘Why would you be so upset if I saw your face right now? I know you are panicked about it, so run me through it, worst case scenario.”

Logan sighs, “What’s the point?”

“What would happen in a worst case scenario if you show me your face?’

Logan huffs, if Patton really wants to hear it then he will tell him. “Well, you are going to be disgusted and revolted by looking at me. Then you will grow angry at me for being unable to stop picking because they make you uncomfortable and you will grow to hate my scars.And no one wants to be uncomfortable around a significant other. So, logically you will want to break up with me because you don't want to be disgusted every time you look at me. You will tease me about them and tell Virgil and Roman and Thomas about this and they will hate me too. Because how can I expect you all to listen to me when I don't even listen to myself? How hypocritical must I be... how arrogant, to think I should hold you to a higher standard than what I myself follow?” Logan has his head in his hands, crying.

Patton frowns and places a hand on Logan’s back, rubbing calming circles, “Thank you for telling me. I am proud of you for telling me about your fears, but love, is any of that actually realistic? Would I ever, logically, break up with someone because I didn't think they were aesthetically attractive? Do you think that my love for you is so shallow? That I would break up with you when we are both old and gray and wrinkled all over because we aren't conventionally attractive anymore? That i'm not in love with who you are?

Do you think that I don't love the way you stick out your tongue when focusing really hard on a project? That I don't love your intelligence and how smart you are and how you are so easily able to calm me down? That I don't love how kind you are and how gentle you are to all of us when you realise we are hurting and you are trying to help? You think I don't love your humor and your passion for your work and your love of psychology and space and how you just devour all the knowledge you can find? You think I don't love it when you share facts you found while researching that you either think I might like or that relate to something I love? You think I don't notice?

Because let me reassure you, I love all those things about you and more. I fell in love with a man, not a body. No scars are going to darken the way your face lights up when you talk about something you are passionate about. Your scars do not make you hypocritical, they make you human. And I would argue that being human is a beautiful thing.”

Logan is still crying but he has calmed a little now.

Patton continues to rub Logan’s back as he calms down.

When the tears finally slow to a crawl and Logan feels he can speak properly again he smiles, “Thank you Pat. I... I needed to hear that.”

“Of course dear, I love you,”

“I love you too.” Logan mumbles.

Patton gives Logan a bit more time to collect himself and when Logan’s breathing has returned completely to normal he gently asks, “Would you let me see your beautiful face, Lo?”

Logan takes a deep breath and nods. When he sits up his eyes are closed.

Patton takes in Logan’s face, yes he has scars and scabs peppering it, but Patton finds he truly doesn't mind. He thinks Logan is beautiful. He resists the urge to scold Logan’s negative self-talk and instead he smiles and gently grabs Logan’s hand and whispers, “Wow, Lo. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

Logan opens his eyes. He doesn't smile, but the side of his lip twitches upward a bit, just for a moment. Patton knows he doesn't believe him.

He realises that he can't convince Logan that he is beautiful with words and verbal affection Logan-style. So he decides he will have to try to do it his way. He gently runs a hand over the scars and scabs on Logan’s face.

He runs a hand through Logan’s hair leaving his hand holding the back of Logan’s head. He leans in slowly, giving Logan the chance to pull away and lovingly kisses one of Logan’s scars.

Logan squeaks and Patton kisses another and then another. Logan’s face turns bright red as he smiles and tries to hold back the squeaks each one brings.

Flustered, he pulls back a little, “While I by no means want you to stop, I still want to know what you’re doing,” he insists.

Patton smiles mischievously “I'm going to kiss every scar, scab, and spot you have until you know how beautiful I think you are.”

Logan will forever deny the sound he made when he heard that but he couldn't deny how loved he felt. As Patton leaned in to kiss him again, he realised, in that moment, he was unashamed of his face. And he thought to himself that, at least, if he wasn't beautiful, he was loved, and that was all that mattered.

#logicality #romantic logicality #logan sanders #patton sanders #self deprecation #negative self image #negative self talk #hurt comfort #dermatillomania #logan with dermatillomania #hobbit writes

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folerdetdufoler · 5 years

Text

saturday morning was cloudy. the whole day was cloudy, but to start, i woke up to a sunrise that didn’t exist. so i ate breakfast and went back to sleep (if i had to define what a vacation was, it would have to include that activity: going back to sleep). then i went to meet nadège, jenn, and haidee at their flat.

i’ve always stayed in a hotel when i’ve visited, specifically the hotel. part of it is because i know how the hotel works, and i heavily weight the value of the familiar. it also was part of the rewards program with sas. it isn’t anymore, and i think they’re going to be doing construction next year, so i’m starting to consider different options for stays for my next trip. i’ll probably stick to a hotel because i heavily weight the existence of room service too, but now it doesn’t have to be the radisson blu. i’ve ridden that elevator enough times.

but uh, the point of this consideration is because they were staying in a really nice flat, which was like an extended stay suite but through airbnb. i was super anxious about using airbnb last summer because it was someone’s home, but this flat was not that, which was appealing to me. i would have to pack much less if i were to go the walk-up route though. um, so i met them there and we walked to get kabobs. jenn had to catch a flight that afternoon but she hadn’t gotten her kabob fix yet, so it was a necessary spot. we met jenni’s group there and then walked down to the river for a moment to eat and chat. nadège and i kept walking along the river since we weren’t eating, and we had a chance to talk through some of the stuff that was bothering me from the day before.

it was really helpful to have that chance, both to let me express myself as well as hear her perspective. most of the time, even though i’m constantly keeping up with people on my dashboard, i’m still very much in my own head about it all. i’m not using a soundboard, just letting my own opinion boil up until it causes problems, spilling negativity into other people’s lives. this has been happening more often, probably because i’m talking to fewer and fewer people as the fandom shrinks and i get more stubborn, so i really appreciated this chance to both be very much in the fandom (in oslo, with human beings) as well as take a step back from it. i still need to work on how i balance my sense of self that i get from the internet with how i express myself in person, and it seems like that just means i need to take a walk and talk to someone. like, every day.

anyway, that’s what we did, going down to the dick swan and back, visiting the barely-canon tree and syng. when we got back to the girls we figured out where we were going next, and we broke up for the afternoon.

a couple of days ago jasmine and silvia had mentioned the nrk studio tour as a thing to do, and i impulse bought (is there any other way?) a ticket for saturday. nadège and haidee were interested in going, so we decided to press our luck and head over to the office to see if we could squeeze two more people onto the tour (it was listed as sold out for saturday when they checked). taru gave us helpful tips for getting to the office but between my struggle with google maps and the front door, we were still too late. the guide was nice enough to come to the front and answer some questions though, so we just went back to the website and bought tickets for sunday instead.

by then the clouds were releasing a week’s worth of weather, and we were all the way out in marienlyst with a couple of hours to kill. so we went through our lists of things we wanted to see, if there were any sites left that hadn’t been toured even though we’ve all been to oslo a few times at this point. and there were! we were actually kind of close to the university campus where parts of “all stories are echoes” are set, so nadège wanted to find an important statue from the fic. she and haidee had read it, and while we walked to campus they did a recap for me, so i would understand the significance of the statue.

at that point it was raining heavily and we were lost but i didn’t really mind it because we were just walking and talking. there was a general goal that we were trying to achieve, but it felt very relaxed, and it was fun listening to all of the things that really excited them about the stories they read. after all this time i don’t think i ever did that, like really find out what attracted them to this fandom, so it was a fun and enlightening conversation. it also passed the time well, as we were walking through the campus and then trying to find a bus back to sentrum.

oh wait, not sentrum. next we looked up kjærlighetskarusellen, because that post about it from the header had recently circulated, and it was another canon detail that sort of defined these trips that we take. we come to oslo because we are fans of a show that is set here, and we love it so much that we seek out every little detail in appreciation. that love has grown to encompass the whole city, so we were looking for this show detail as well as monument to the city’s history and its relationship with homosexuality. we lingered outside of it for a bit, because there was a man actually using it as a urinal, and then we snapped our photos once the coast was clear. now i am no stranger to being creepy but that was probably a top five moment for me, taking a picture of a public urinal. i loudly talked about how it was a cultural heritage site as if that would convince random people passing by that i was truly interested in the city’s sanitation efforts instead of, like, men peeing. for the record i’m not particularly interested in either.

then we went back to the flat for a bathroom break, and on to eat waffles. oh boy! i was excited because i had never had one before. i was still shy in terms of trying one, and chose the nugatti topping instead of the jam & brown cheese classic (pictured is haidee’s waffle). mine was super sweet and...gummy? like the hazelnut paste and the soft waffle was just cement in my mouth, and i got a work out just trying to clean off my teeth with my tongue. but it was delicious. i’d probably eat one every day if i had daily access to haralds.

after our waffle we went to meet jasmine and silvia. we shared a pizza for a late lunch/early dinner, and then went back to the hotel so i could change out of my wet clothes. we recapped each other’s dramas and activities from earlier in the day, and talked about fandom and the internet and how people change, if they do. at this point we’ve known each other for at least a year, if not longer, and it’s interesting to see how we, and the rest of the fandom, have evolved as the show has faded into the distance.

some of the stuff we talked about got intense, or we got wrapped up in drama (what else is new), and we had to take a break by watching the bloopers. that was an instant mood lift, and fun to do with people in the same room. everything was a little bit funnier or cuter or sillier when i could hear everyone else laughing at the show too. someday i’d love to rent out a cinema theatre and project season three for a marathon viewing (with bathroom breaks) for a group of fans. maybe for a seven-year anniversary, when you could time it so it would play on a friday evening, and at exactly 21:21 in real time you’d watch isak walk across the courtyard at school to save the man of his dreams.

but back to saturday. it wasn’t raining, but we took the metro to the park next (baby’s first metro trip!). we were going to meet jenni, taru, and kati, and figure out a good place for jasmine and silvia to hang out outside to listen to karpe. we said our goodbyes at the gate and shifted to the other friend group. i think we were kind of early but there was already a decent crowd going in, and going right for the main stage. i don’t think we bothered with food or drink this time around, mostly because we’d just eaten and it was starting to drizzle, which meant everything would get wet anyway.

jenn mentioned a few times that it was a shame there wasn’t any festival merch to purchase while we were walking around, because we kept seeing all of the volunteers with their t-shirts and bags from previous years. it felt like a missed opportunity. i wondered if it was on purpose, to give more weight to the merch that the volunteers got, as a draw for them to sign up and return to work. limited merch would make that experience more special. but i was wrong, because after jenn had left we finally found out that there was a merch tent with apparel for sale; we just hadn’t found it. so before we joined the crowd for karpe we went up the hill and bought tote bags and socks. i’ll deliver jenn’s tote to her on friday, at the sigrid show. i’m mostly mentioning that here so i don’t forget. i was so excited to find socks because i’m getting used to wearing more funky options (mostly due to haidee’s lovely gifts!) but also because they were um, featured on the festival issue of natt & dag.

we moved closer to the stage, but it was actually the farthest we’d been from it the whole week, simply because the crowd was already packed in. while we waited ronny from nrk p3 walked past, and that was my only celebrity sighting at the whole festival. on thursday i thought i saw axel bøyum walk in front of me, but i’m not sure. it was fast, and i thought i noticed his sharply-angled face and deep eyes, but he was also wearing a hood so i didn’t have much else to compare. he was short though, which also made him stand out to me. anyway, that was the extent of my sightings: 1.5 people. there were others there, of course, because i saw their instagram posts, but i either wasn’t paying attention or wasn’t in the right places to see them. since i myself prefer not to be seen, i tend to treat everyone else the same (at least not on the internet), so i default to ignoring the people around me unless they acknowledge me first. i need your explicit consent before i let myself stare at you.

here’s a brief pause to note how sad i am about heimebane. aaaaaand moving on!

the karpe crowd was huge and...different. saturday had a different vibe in general because it was the weekend, and if someone was going to just pick one day to go to øya this would be that day. also it was raining, so there was this anticipatory buzz that was like, 80% for the show and 20% for getting dry again in a couple of hours. our group kind of slowly shifted and morphed as we were pushed closer to the stage and trying not to lose our footing on the sloped ground. but then the show started and the crowd exploded and you just had to fuckin’ roll with it.

i had to read up on the show afterward to understand some of what magdi and chirag were talking and singing about. despite talking about it with fryd months ago, i didn’t get into their new album like i’d wanted to. so i didn’t understand most of the message in the moment; i was just enjoying the beats and the intensity of everyone else. there was a group of younger guys in front of us who sang every damn word and it was just a really...fulfilling thing to witness? norway came out for norway, and the crowd was exactly what karpe deserved for the show they put on. the guys chatted with nadège and sang at me to get us hyped, and i still felt slightly removed from the crowd but that was okay. i enjoyed this outsider place. i didn’t have to understand or be part of it because it was big enough on its own. i could simply bask in the overflow and dance in the rain.

i knew one song from when i had it on repeat summer 2017, the result of following ashley’s obsession with karpe on tumblr. i also still connected it to skam, from when i was more passionately following the actors’ lives and seeing them go to their concert in oslo, which i think cengiz was also dancing for? these are very weak links but links nonetheless, and it still felt like i was ticking off boxes on my unwritten “experience skam” list. it’s also a testament to how far i’ll twist something to justify it, make it fit my personal narrative. i must still feel guilty about my trips to oslo.

(side note: i’ve been meaning to look this up but i am fascinated by their use of the sas brand in their album and shows, like...they are aggressively shaping the brand and i’m curious as to whether they have permission to do it or if they don’t need it or what level of control the brand has over its use. the relationship between a brand and an artist these days is fucking fascinating, and i’m sort of aware of the rules that we need in america but is it different in other countries? i’m already a fan of sas, in that it’s my airline for my trips to oslo, but would i have been influenced more toward or against it if i were approaching it from a karpe angle, if the duo were introducing me to it? anyway, just some mind wanderings there.)

at the end the crowd was lighting up their cups again. we were surrounded by different people than how we started and couldn’t find the ones we knew. we made the same walk away from the stage, bouncing along with the flow, until we got to the festival sign to catch up with everyone. we took a group pic and said goodnight, not entirely sure what the next day would bring but quite satisfied with the one that had just ended. it was funny how used to the exit walk i’d become, after just a few days, and i felt a little nostalgic about even that, as we did it for the last time. and even though we were all soaked and exhausted, i didn’t feel a particular rush to leave. but it was over. just like that. the volunteers were collecting cups from the crowd as we went, but i took mine home.

#this took way too long to write and now i’m so behind it doesn’t matter anymore #i’ve queued it for a random dag in october #who knows if i’ll be back or still on lockdown #kerryinoslo

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