#hagging out october
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Hagging Out: Hallowtide
“ . . . this month your challenge is to share your Hallowtide preparations, traditions, customs and/or rituals.”
For me the most important part of Hallowtide is the remembrance of the dead. Two years ago I made the altar cloth in the above picture especially for one day of the year, Dušičky (November 2nd). Some call this the Czech Halloween, but it is much more akin to Día de los Muertos, a day for remembering and celebrating the lives of those who are gone.
The Western Slav part of my ancestry has always spoken to me and Dušičky is one of the most important days on my ritual calendar, along with the drowning of Morena in the spring. So it’s no wonder that I spent an entire season during covid embroidering an altar cloth for this one day of the year.
The majority of the cloth is composed of Slavic grave markers with the names of the various branches of my family. As I do not live near any of my family graveyards, this clothe serves as an ancestral one, gathering all my family lines together in one place.
In addition to remembering the dead at my altar on Dušičky, the weekend before Hallowtide I visited the graves of friends and family in three different cemeteries in three different towns in two different counties.
And on Halloween day I made offerings to my ancestors in a ritual in the woods.
Of course, Hallowtide is also about food and I’ll be doing an in depth post about all the food I cooked for the @portersposse Halloween cooking challenge. But I will mention here the incredible Fresh Ginger Gingerbread that I made as I used it for offerings on both Halloween and Dušičky. You can visit @portersposse for a link to the cookbook and information on that challenge, which is still going through Old Halloween weekend (November 13th is the final day).
I also made a few Halloween decorations from a book I found while doing research for @portersposse
Thank you @msgraveyarddirt for asking me to guest host #haggingout this month! It’s one of my favorite months of the year and this really kept me busy and having fun!
Oh yeah--and I carved this guy:
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Hagging Out - October 2022
I was excited to sign up for this month's hagging out, and then when the time came to document things, I remembered: a lot of what I had planned is secret/personal. So, I don't have a lot to show for this month, but I'll share what I can.
I made a little wreath featuring origami moths. There were other decorations as well, but this is the one I made.
On Halloween night I gave out candy to the neighborhood kids, then turned off my porch light, closed all the curtains and proceeded to get weird. I won't go into much of what I got up to for the nights of the 31st - 2nd, but I will say that I got a lot more into scrying than I have in the past, which was cool because I've historically gotten bored and given up before anything neat happened.
As threatened in the August edition of Hagging Out, I made some witch torches using a dried mullein seed head which I harvested at that time. It was about 3' long, so I cut it into thirds before saturating it with beeswax. I'd never made a witch's torch before, and was afraid that it wouldn't burn very well, but boy, once it started burning, it really burned!
I'd planned on having a little fire as well, but since it was raining all night I ended up hanging out in the garage for much of the evening.
On November 2nd I got dim sum with my parents and aunt, in honor of my Great Uncle, who always used to meet us for dim sum when we were in San Francisco. Then I went home and dedicated most of the day to ancestor work. Again, I won't go into most of the details, but I made offerings of bread, chocolate, wine, water, and many, many candles.
It was nice having a couple of extra days off to focus on spirit and ancestor work, but now I have a horrifying amount of work to catch up on.
tagging @pagan-stitches with my submission, such as it is
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Hagging out - Hallowtide
There is something that always move me at this time of the year.
We have been trought the spring equinox, and here, in the southern hemisphere, there's always discussion about the logic of celebrating the dead, or celebrating Beltane and similar things.
Yesterday, the temperature was 32ºC
Right now, November 1, it's 15ºC and will drop to 12º tomorrow, at Dia de Finados, the day of the dead.
Every year, I sse the temperature drop and the summer storms that are characteristic from spring end/ summer beginning turn into an ugly drizzle and fog.
Finados is a gray day, even when people use the holyday to get the road and go to the beach. (is one of the rare holidays when most comercial things will stay closed, and one of the only two days when the illegal lottery called Animal game, Jogo do Bicho, don't run).
No matter what, it's always more cold this week. Next week, the summer beginnings start anew.
"but is a catholic holyday, disconnected from nature in the southern hemisphere"
Dude, I lived most of my life into a high altitude rain forest. Blooming life comes from the dead. The forest have a very unique smell, of life and degradation, of sweet putrefaction feeding a lush of spring life.
Summer smells like death, the ground covered in rotten fruits and drunken insects.
When I lit the lantern today at midnight, and again tomorrow, to grant that the dead passing through the street find their way, and let something for them eat and drink, and put flowers on my family graves, it's not the death at the winter coming I celebrate. Is the life that os Finados, los Muertos, bring to the land and living.
Is the glorious red of the pitangas, this fruits that are little bloody tears falling, covering the ground, bringing the bees and flies, nurturing the soil for the time of the scorching summer, its the storms and deaths that came with the waters and the mud of summer.
In South America, the fours seasons means much less than rain time and dry time. Our winters are cold, but not that cold. But the summer, the summer always charge his price on bodies.
(I come back tomorrow to bring pictures, today I was unable to get out of the bed)
(still unable to get out of bed, it's fibro flare time)
PS-Just today I perceived that forgot to put the hashtag of Hagging out!
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Hagging out
I started my Samhuinn with buying a house.
Seriously, the offer we put in on a house was accepted, so the early afternoon was a write off.
Starting closer to supper, I started my Samhuinn cider. I have been making a hot cider for Samhuinn for about 20 years. Every year is slightly different, depending on what I have in the house. I feel like it's based on need rather than recipe.
This year I had cider from a local orchard. I added clove and allspice, sliced clementine, and cinnamon.
After letting that simmer a few hours, my partner and I went out to the cemetery to lay offerings on my ancestor's graves.
It was a beautiful night.
We came home, had some cider, and settled in for a movie.
I usually have more planned, but house hunting took up most of my available brainspace for the past few months. But there is nothing wrong with simplicity.
#samhain#samhuinn#all hallows eve#hallowtide#nos galan gaeaf#witchcraft#hagging out#hagging out october 2022
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hagging out- october entry
Typically October falls in the month of Marcheshvan, which is the second month of the Jewish year- it typically falls sometime between mid September and early November. Marcheshvan is also sometimes called "bitter Cheshvan" as there are no holidays associated with it-the only month in the Jewish lunar calendar with no holidays, and it marks the beginning of the rainy season in the Levant (where Judaism originated as an earth-based system of spirituality).
It's actually not that bitter for me. I love the rain and I tend to get really tired by the end of the High Holy days-- a huge 2-day harvest party, immediately followed by 10 days of solemn reflection then a day of fasting and atonement, then a "building and hanging out in makeshift huts" festival for a week, then a huge party where you dance with your holy scrolls in the street.
So for me, Cheshvan is about rest, recuperation, cleanup and maintenance.
But first, a few photos of the lovely Sukkah I built using my car.
Sukkahs are basically booths or tents built during the festival of Sukkot to commemorate the time ancient Jews spent wandering around in the wilderness. It's a way to connect with the struggles of our ancestors and to celebrate the fact that G-d was there to help us out in those times.
There are a number of qualities a sukkah must have to count as a sukkah, including that it must be temporary, it must have at least three sturdy sides, and it must have a roof of natural material through which it is possible to see the stars. I'm broke and have very little skill at building, so I set up a makeshift sukkah using the doors of my car and sticks collected from the yard. It was great to relax there, eat some good food, and to catch up with myself.
The other thing that the local Jewish community here does in Cheshvan is a community cemetery cleanup.
In Judaism, taking care of the dead is one of the highest good deeds it is possible to do, as the dead cannot ever thank you for your care or give anything back to you. There’s a very specific set of instructions on how to treat, honor, and care for a corpse- including washing it, praying for it, dressing it in special shrouds, and never letting it be alone from the time of death until the time it is buried. Anywhere with a decent-sized Jewish population there will almost certainly be a dedicated volunteer organization to coordinate and perform these rituals--the chevra kadisha (burial society).
At a Jewish funeral, mourners take turns filling in the grave--this is a sign of how we take care of the ones we love to the very end. And even after death, we remember those who have died by saying special prayers and lighting candles on the yearly anniversaries of their death.
Taking care of the cemetery as a community in the spring and fall by doing garden tasks and cleaning the stones is something really special as it demystifies death, gives young people and old people a chance to talk about the people they miss, and reminds people of the history of the community here. So we did that on October 30th. Here’s a picture of some of the older people yelling at some children about making sure to check for sticks before jumping into the leaf piles IIRC
It is our custom to place stones on graves instead of flowers because they are more durable and act as a symbol of the longevity / endurance of our memories of the deceased; and a symbol of Jewish continuity and survival of our people through time.
There are some other theories for why this tradition came to be:
- Stones hold the souls in the grave, where they belong
- Stones deter demons or evil spirits from messing with the grave
- As a sign of the desire we have for G-d to keep our loved ones close (Shepherds had a system to keep track of their sheep which involved holding pebbles in a bag; G-d is a shepherd, and the pebbles are to remind G-d to keep watch over the deceased person)
Here are some stones that kids in Hebrew school painted to place on the graves.
My favorite one was a yellow stone with a scribbled picture of something that looked like a TV and a lot of ...gore? Not quite on-theme...Apparently the kid who made it misinterpreted what the rocks were for and made a drawing of “a horror movie on TV” on his rock. Unfortunately I’m not exactly sure what happened to that rock.
Also, there was this extremely friendly cat who helped out (by which I mean, ran around to everyone looking for attention and generally being cute). Apparently her name is Captain, and she has a special sense for knowing which tomb mourners are coming to visit. So either a really smart cat, or the lady who lives near the cemetery was pulling my leg.
All in all, a great month.
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Hagging out: October
Sorry for the late post, I've been busy
This year I celebrated All hallows eve, All Saints day, and All Souls day
For All hallows eve I prayed the de profundus and rosary. I also made these rose hip bundles with willow
For All Saints day I prayed the litany of the saints, rosary, and l lit a tealight candle every night. I offered water to the Saints in heaven
I also finished up my work on my protection onion from Michaelmas
For all souls day I prayed for the holy souls in purgatory with the de profundus and rosary. I also offered my ancestors some of the Herbal infused alcohol I made
I had a lot of fun doing this and I learned a lot 🎃
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Fucking failed at my last hike and feeling really shitty about it. The route was meant to be a 12.5 mile loop, but I had to turn around at the 3.8 mile mark, so I only totaled 7.6 miles. 😭 But I did like 2.8k feet of elevation, which is brutally steep. And I’ve been off my meds for a little while, so my energy level/ endorphin response was NAF.
I’ll have to go back and try again in a couple weeks. It was a really beautiful trail. I wish it wasn’t so damn hard for me to keep up with my daily walkies/ maintain some decent baseline of endurance. I’ve been really struggling, just to do the bare minimum for my fitness. It’s so frustrating.
#hag life#I’m training for a 26.8 mile hike with 5k ft of elevation in September#and I made a great amount of progress from October - December#but have basically plateaued since January#and I feel like I’m being beaten to death when I hike more than 2k feet#or when I’m out for more than like 5 hours#which is a problem when you’re training for a 14+ hour hike#ugh
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𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬, 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬 | toji fushiguro
𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Your ex-husband bringing the kids over for trick-or-treating is one thing; him wanting to spend the night at your place is another. But it's just for the night. There's no way one night can rekindle some old feelings...right?
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: ex-husband! Toji x fem! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - the reader is around their mid-30s - Tsumiki (age 11) and Megumi (age 9) - mutual pining - kissing/makeout sessions - unprotected sex - Daddy kink - breast sucking + nipple play - fingering (f! receiving) - oral (f! receiving) - spooning + mating press - cervix fucking - breeding kink - praise - clitoral play (pressing and grinding) - pet names (baby, good girl, mama, princess, sweetie, sweet thing) - you and Toji have been divorced for five years - cameos: Gojo, Utahime and Mei Mei - mention of drool/spit and tears - humor bc I'm [not] funny.
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 7.6k (....dawg.)
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: happy Halloween, everyone!! so, randomly missed writing ex-husband! toji bc it's lowkey my favorite, soooo yeah, this is what we're doing to celebrate the end of the month! anywho, happy October, beautiful ppl, and tysm for reading my works!! Alsooo, ty for 2.8k!!!
“Trick-or-treat!!”
“Gasp—Oh my goodness!”
“We came to celebrate Halloween! Also, Megumi forgot his toothbrush here again.”
Opening your door to children at the sunset of Halloween day isn’t out of the ordinary or anything special. However, it’s always a pleasant surprise when it’s two kids you hold dear to your heart. You greet them with a hug, two siblings you know too well to say you’re acquainted with. If anything, you’re practically family.
The raven-haired brother, referred to as Megumi, speaks up. “It’s not my fault! Dad was rushing me last time.”
“Because you had to bring your stuffed animals last time, holding us back for your baseball practice.” Tsumiki, the older sister, snapped back. The two argue amongst themselves in front of you as you try to mediate. It’s no avail until another voice comes to the fray.
“All right, chill out, you two.” The voice belonged to the person approaching the porch stairs, your eyesight capturing the familiar figure walking up with two duffle bags. The one standing tall before you was the father of the children, Toji Fushiguro. Who’s also known as your one and only former husband. “Get inside and finish y’r homework, or else we’re goin’ back home.”
The siblings stop bickering and head inside, taking off their shoes at the foyer and walking upstairs. Now that they’re gone, you turn to the man with the jet-black hair, his viridian orbs focused on you. The weather was chilly, so the man wore his usual dark denim jacket over his plain black sweatshirt, matching his jeans. “You look good, big guy. What’s in the bags?”
He greets you with a curled lip, and the scar on the side of his lip lifts. “Picked them up from their after-school sports, so it’s their sports gear and costumes for tonight. Mind helpin’ me here?”
“Hmmm,” you merge your facial expressions to that of faux pondering, turning your back to Toji. “Nah, can’t. Got dinner to finish making.”
“Hmph, should’ve known.” He makes his way through between you and the front door. “Wouldn’t wanna break your pretty nails carrying heavy shit, huh, princess?”
You glare at him using the nickname, hating his patronizing gaze. “From what I remembered, you would never let me carry the heavy stuff because you thought I was too fragile and easy to break. So how about that, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor?”
“Really? I don’t remember sayin’ all that before. You must’ve put me in a spell.”
“Probably, I’ve been told I’m quite cute~.”
“Mmm, nah, more like an old hag of a witch.” Toji barks a laugh at your offended reaction, and he immediately ducks and heads for the stairs when you throw a sandal at him.
“At the very least, say I’m a cute witch, fucker.” You say the final word under your breath, grabbing the sandal you threw and heading back to the kitchen.
To say you and Toji were acquainted with one another would be the biggest understatement of the century. The two of you met a decade ago, fell madly in love, and married within a year of the relationship. When you tied the knot, Tsumiki had to have been two years old, and Megumi just turned one year old. You two had been together for four years after that, and you could confidently say those were one of [if not THE] best years of your life. You often second-guessed yourself being in a relationship with someone who had children, fearing that they wouldn’t like you or ignore you.
However, those worries were blown right away as the days went by. Every time you spent time with the children brought you three closer than ever; it was to the point that they saw you as their mother. How sweet! And there’s no denying that Toji loved you. The man would break someone’s nose for you — yes, it happened before, and it wasn’t pretty — for you were his sweet little thing that kept him going.
Well, if it was so great, why the divorce? Let’s just say you weren’t Toji’s first love. That title would have to be awarded to the Megumi’s mother. Even in her unfortunate passing, you can tell that Toji loved that woman like no other. It didn’t make you jealous or anything, seeing the man you love still mourn for a dead woman. Hell, you’d probably do the same if you were him. But, you can’t lie; it felt like you were cast over a “shadow” when it came to her influence. It was damn near suffocating to bear, especially in those four years of marriage. So, for your sake and his aching heart, you pulled him aside and suggested a divorce. And Toji didn’t fight you on the proposition, signing the papers and setting you free from the thick air.
Although things ended between you two, that didn’t mean things stopped being what they were. If anything, it was as if nothing happened at all. Even if you still don’t live under the same roof, you still make time to hang with the Fushiguros, whether invited to some occasion or exchange phone calls or texts to check up on them. Even now, five years after your separation, it warms your heart knowing that you get to interact with the people you care about.
There are moments you find yourself missing living under the same roof with all three of them and living alone can be pretty lonely. But all in all, as long as they’re comfortable and trust you enough to be around, there’s no need to change things up again. Like right now — the four of you sit at the dinner table eating before the kids go off trick-or-treating.
“Are you going to trick-or-treat with us, Y/n?” The brown-haired child sitting next to you asks while finishing up her dinner.
“Sorry, not this time, gotta be at a Zoom meeting for my job in a few minutes. But I do have someone else to take my place. Gojo will be here at around—Why are you two making that face?” You stop mid-sentence to notice Megumi and Toji at the other side of the table, displaying disgusted facial expressions at the mention of the white-haired other’s name.
“Why him?” They said in unison.
“Why not??” You question their irritation.
“He’s so annoying…” Again, in unison. Proof enough that they’re father and son.
You sigh as you get up to take your plate to the sink. “Oh, come on, you two, it’s not like he’ll be with you guys the entire night. He has a party at a friend’s he’s going to later.”
“Isn’t he too old to trick-or-treat?” Tsumiki questions, noting that Gojo is way past his undergraduate years.
“He is, but whatever gets that prick any free sweets,” Toji answers his daughter before getting up to put his dish in the sink.
You exit the kitchen, head into the living room, and sit on the couch. The laptop you had placed there was ready to open and unlock, and you clicked on applications and windows to look through before your meeting started in the next three to two minutes. He should be here about—
DING-DONG!!
Now.
Right on cue, you motion for Toji to grab the front door, and he follows your command. “Kids, Gojo’s here!” You shout out to the two kids who still sit at the table. “When you’re done eating, you can go upstairs and put your costumes on. But whoever finishes last has to do the dishes.” You can hear commotion from the table as the brunette rushes to put her dish in the sink and dash for the stairs. Megumi groans to himself; you giggle when you hear him mutter an “Aww man…”
You pull out your headphones to connect to your laptop, put them in their respective ears, and prepare yourself for the meeting. Ignoring the faint passive-aggressive tones of your ex-husband when greeting Gojo at the door…
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Your eyes flutter open, noticing the lighting change around the living room. The orange sunlight no longer decorated the space, substituted with the gradual darkness that overtakes you. The only source of light you can figure out is the flashing from the television screen.
Aside from the TV, there are no other signs of life. There aren’t any signs of Tsumiki or Megumi around playing or causing a raucous. It could only mean the two are still trick-or-treating with Gojo.
One blink, two blinks. I must’ve fallen asleep after the meeting… You hum while sinking to the couch, burying your face into the pillow.
But…since when did your pillow act like it was breathing with a heartbeat? And…I smelt that cologne before…How?
“Ya awake now?”
You raise your head, realizing you are not lying on your couch. Technically, you were; however, you were lying on something else on the furniture with you – more like someone.
It’s then you realize that you were lying on Toji during your entire slumber, him leaning on the end of the couch, one leg spread to make room for you to sleep on him while you sit on the other. And you can guess that you had your head on his chest, snuggling up to his warm figure. He looks at you with his green eyes now darkened by the room, yet you can see their glow from the television light. And that small smile he gives you, the scar on the right side of his lip lifted upward. The familiar butterflies in your stomach flutter like before. Like old times sake…That must be embarrassing, huh?
You frantically try to get off of him, “Sorry about that, I thought—“
“No, no,” Toji places a stern hand on your back, keeping you from moving further. “You were comfortable.”
You stare at him for a few seconds until your face contours to a look, and a smile starts to creep up while you situate yourself back to your original position, pressing your face back on his chest to listen to the beats of his heart again. “I recall having this couch all to myself not too long ago, so where’d you come from?”
“Well, I wanted to watch some sports highlights, but I figured you’d kick my ass if I pulled you off and had you sleep on the floor instead.” With the click of your tongue, he chortles. You bet your ass I would. “So, I decided to have ya sleep on me while I watch TV.”
“What’s wrong with the other side of the couch? It’s quite vacant and enough for a big guy like you.”
“True,” his hand rubs circles on your back, an old habit he did when he used to have you like this. “But then I’d be lonely.”
You titter. “That’s big for someone who said he thrives on being alone.”
“I thrive being alone when I’m working.” You’re glad he can’t see your eyes roll; he’d probably grab you by the cheeks like a child. “Besides, why would I wanna be alone when I have you for myself.”
And there it is, your cheeks begin to warm up. Or was it because you’re so close to him that his heat is transferring to you? That’s probably it, yeah. Let’s change the subject…”How long was I out for? I remember the kids left around 7:30-ish.”
“Mmm, it’s going to eleven right now.”
Three and a half hours? Damn. “It’s past their bedtime.”
Toji scoffs. The abrupt motion of his chest rising is satisfying in a way that makes you even more comfortable. “You still think they’re gonna sleep with all that sweet shit they got?” He snickers some more as you shake your head.
“They know better. When you guys get home, be sure to put their candy bags on the top shelf of the closet for the morning.”
“Still traumatized from that one time?”
“Uhhh, yes??” The memory flashes to you for a quick moment, but the dread from before still haunts you. Megumi was six years old and Tsumiki seven, returning home from trick-or-treating and immediately tasting their labor from that night. However, what you didn’t expect was for them both to eat almost half their bags. Let’s just say, thanks to their sugar rushes, they didn’t drop dead until the hour hand touched two of the morning. “Unless it’s the weekend, never again.”
The way the older man chuckles is so therapeutic — it nearly makes you want to fall asleep again. “You weren’t the one chasin' Megumi all over the place tryin' to get him to sleep. Little squirt gets his speed from me.”
“Awww, poor you~” You can sense the glare as you respond in a condescending, sing-song tune. “You and him are always butting heads. Like father, like son.”
“Tch, hate that sayin’ so fuckin’ much.”
“Why? ‘Because it’s true?”
“Shut up.” The hand he used to rest his head comes down to pinch your nose. You wriggle out of his hold with giggles, but he happily keeps you grounded to him with his stronghold and a leg wrapped around to prevent yours from moving. “He only listens to you. Such a sweet lil’ baby to you, huh? Puttin’ my own son against me.”
More giggles prompt out of tiny guilt, and you bring up a hand to rub on his chest. “He’s such a bright boy now. Growing up so big and fast.”
“Miki, too. That girl is way too smart fr' me to catch up. And she’s becoming so kind and strong, crazy to think she made me play teacups when she could barely go down the stairs by herself.” Toji hums, the vibrations felt on the pads of your fingers. “Think she gets that from you.”
You shook your head. “They’re your babies. They do amazing things because they have a big guy like you to catch them if they ever fall.”
“Hmm, fair…But let’s not pretend I’m the best dad in the world. Fuck, never in my life did I think I’d be a dad, especially with two kids. I didn’t know shit back then — still! I still don’t know shit.” You don’t say anything, just listening to him voice his thoughts to you. Because he knows you’d listen – you always do. “If you weren’t there for them, I don’t think they’d be shining like this. Y’re definitely the thing that brought us up together. They look up to you so much. Ya did so well with them.”
Nodding aimlessly, his black sweatshirt grazing on your cheek. “Thank you. Same to you. Didn’t do so bad yourself, big guy.”
“Mmm.”
Nothing is said between you two after that. The only thing that makes noise is the voices coming from the television. The volume lowered, an initiative you could guess from Toji wanting you to get some rest. The silence was too awkward that it might torture some, but it was fine where it was. There was no need to change it, especially when you were comfortable in each other’s embrace.
That is, until Toji asks, “Do you miss it?” The rubs on your back go slower, his fingertips drawing a ticklish sensation.
“Of course I do. All the time.” You answer honestly, turning your head to rest your chin on him. Your eyes glimpse directly at his, giving him a tiny grin. “Why ask? I know the kids miss me being around; what about you? Miss me nagging and putting you to work all the time?”
He sneers at your comment. “Every day.”
It was such a simple answer, yet it had the power to wipe that smirk right off your face. Your eyes locked in his sight, and your heart tuning to an irregular rhythm. Oh, come on, Y/n, get a grip! “Ahem—Toji, I hope you know that I never stopped missing everything we had — I never will. Those years that we shared were probably the best I’ve had. We had happy moments, others sad, of course. But, God, do I miss it all. I miss it so much. I miss having you guys here. Miki and Gumi and—“
“Me?” Good Lord, if this man doesn’t stop looking at you with those goddamn eyes of his, such captivating orbs that say more than he lets on. Your breath hitches, and so does the hand on your back. “Hmm? Ya miss me, baby?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Why’d you have to call me that? And it gets worse when he places his free hand on your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin while the forefinger teases the lobe and tragus of your ear. Goddammnit…
“...Yes,” your voice was down a whisper, which could easily be mistaken with the television. But you know Toji heard you, loud and clear. “Especially you, Toji.” You said it. The words that he wanted to hear from you. They felt so forbidden to say, yet it was the truth. You avert your gaze away from him. But you knew that wouldn’t work, not right now. Toji taps your cheek with his thumb, and your eyes sheepishly return to his.
He doesn’t say anything, and that makes your heart beat at an unbearable rate. It’s all you can hear when you stare into his deep emerald eyes, the sound of it ringing your eardrums as if you could puke. Your throat running dry, so you gulp to ease the uncomfortable bob. If something could just happen to end this anxious torture, that would be great.
And then your prayers get answered: something does happen. Toji slowly brings his face closer to yours — your body goes rigid, and you instantly face away before the inevitable happens. No, I didn’t mean that!
“Aht aht, don’t do that, baby.” His hand slithers from your cheek to your chin, forcing you to face straight at him. “Lemme see you.”
“Toji, wait,” your voice travels out in a shaky breath. “We shouldn’t be doing this. We can’t cross this line anymore.”
He listens to your pleas, but his body does otherwise. Placing a gentle kiss on your forehead while the hand on your back snakes downward. “Why not?” His gruff voice dialed down to a whisper.
“Because—Mmmm…” Toji interrupts you by licking the helix of your ear. Oh, you slick bastard. “We’re supposed to be done…”
“That’s not stoppin’ me from takin’ care of my sweet thing.” Jesus Christ, you almost melted from the way he whispered that to your ear. He’s pulling out all the same old tricks, and it gets more hellish by the second as you try not to give in. “So, y're gonna let me take care of you like I always do, right, mama?”
Both his hands now rest on your ass, groping it while your hips sway as if they have a mind of their own. The leg between yours comes up slightly, making you ride on it. The heat on your cheeks has already blossomed to your ears, making it hard to think straight. Gripping his sweatshirt, your hips ride his thigh to ease the throbbing sensation that grows with every motion. Good God, you shouldn’t be doing this. You know you shouldn’t be doing this. However, it’s been so long that you felt wanted like this — wanted by him. It’s all the same – his voice, his hands, his words, his body, and the names he calls – yet here you are turning into putty.
“Haaahh, Mmmfff…Toji, please,” Toji withdraws his face from your shoulder, leaving him to examine your expression. You must look so dumb right now, with your hooded eyes and shivering lips. But, at this point, do you even care? “Please…Treat me right.”
One moment, you see his gaze narrow with a devious glint. Next, you’re taken aback when Toji slams his lips on yours, kissing and sucking your bottom lip until you give him access. With a moan, you open your mouth for him and sink deeper into the kiss. Your hands come around his neck, keeping him focused on you and you alone. Not that he would have it any other way.
His strong hands continue to knead your asscheeks while you hump and grind on his thigh. Nibbling on your lip, you whimper helplessly for him. It strokes his ego, knowing he’s making you like this, the fucking bastard. He takes in your tiny cries happily, shoving his tongue to play with yours. You give in to him, almost losing your balance riding his thigh, yet Toji’s lips never leave yours.
You break the kiss to get an imperative breath, panting loudly and sweetly for him as Toji kisses and licks your ear. The sounds make your lower region twitch. “Hnnmm, fuck…That’s my girl. So fuckin’ good fr’ me always, Y/n…” You can feel him slide a hand up to the hem of your leggings, forcing it inside for his thick fingers to brush up on the bare flesh of your butt. You gasp sharply. Him squeezing your butt has you biting down on his sweatshirt. “—Hahhh, Oh God, Toji,” With every squeeze, he inches closer to your panty-covered chasm, where you know he’d find a damp spot. Please touch me. Please, please, plea—
CLACK-CLINK!!
The two of you are frozen stiff when you hear the sound of the door opening and closing, the foyer lights turned on. “Alright~, we got you guys home. See ya later!” That was Gojo’s voice, indicating everyone was finally back from trick-or-treating. This means that Tsumiki and Megumi are about to see you on top of their father, his hand in your leggings and smacking lips with yours. Your eyes shoot wide with horror — immediately remove yourself from Toji and stand up from the couch to pull your bottoms up. You barely had the chance to peek at Toji because the kids already run to the living room to find you two.
“Y/n, Y/n, look!” The brunette was the first to greet you with her adorable pink Barbie cowgirl costume. She and her brother, dressed as Sasuke Uchiha, cheerfully showcased their pillowcases full of candy. “Look at all this candy we got!”
“Wooow, you guys really went on a haul,” you can only hope they can’t see you sweating bullets through your fake reaction. “Wh–Where’s Gojo?”
“He dropped us off here a few seconds ago and left for the party,” The raven-haired boy answered while scanning his pillowcase.
You only nod along until you frantically wipe your mouth, realizing the tiny trail of spit from the corner of your mouth. “Umm—Ahem, well then, I’m glad you two got all that candy. Now, let’s hurry up and get you guys home so you can get ready for school tomorrow!”
But the children didn’t move an inch. Actually, they looked like they were going to tell you something. You lift a brow. Oh no, they’re going to look at each other. They looked at each other and then glanced back at you. Oh, God, no. “Uhhh, Y/n, we were thinking.” Big sister Tsumiki is always the one who asks the following question. “Can we stay over?”
You inhale a massive breath, yet you do your best not to exhale a heavy sigh. “Kids, you promised to keep the overnight stays to three at max per month. This will be the fifth!”
“Yeah, but it’s dark out. Plus, it’s way past our bedtime.” The younger chimes in with a tiny pout. “We’ll be asleep by the time Dad gets us home.”
And here comes Tsumiki with the tag-team response to add on. “And that means he’ll have to make continuous trips back and forth from the car. Picking me and Megumi up, getting our bookbags, the bags full of candy, the whole thing! We already packed up our PJs just in case.”
You stood there staring at the two in astonishment. There’s no way they thoroughly planned this out. There’s just no way… And to make it worse, they were making valid arguments. You open your mouth to say something, but the two give the best puppy eyes they can. The wave of guilt hits like a train, internally cringing. You turn to Toji, who still sits on the couch, and the motherfucker only gives you a shrug. Wow, what a helpful father he is.
You groan into your hands, shaking your head while looking at the kids who wait for your verdict. “…Alright, you can stay as long as you PROMISE to put those candy bags in my bedroom closet. Deal?” The happy smiles and aggressive head shakes should answer your question. “Good, now go ahead and take your showers before you head for bed.” They rushed to the stairs by the time you finished that sentence, so enthusiastic about staying the night at your house, and you can’t help but smile hearing their footsteps run up the stairs.
With that being said, you turn to the older man again. Your brows are trenched down, but your smile is still present. “So, you legit just sat there and let those two tag-team me like that? In my own house?”
Another shrug with a dumb smirk on his handsome face. “Told you: too smart fr’ me to catch up.” You shake your head before exiting to get the kids and guest rooms ready, leaving him with the television.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The midnight hour has finally danced its way into the darkness of the night. Halloween is finally over, and the month of October is no more. The pitter-patter sound of the rain cleanses the neighborhood of its merits and festivities that partook hours ago, ready for a new phase of the year to take over.
After having the guest room ready with sheets and sleepwear for Toji and kissing the kids goodnight, you rinse your stress off with a nice shower and put on your pajamas to get ready for bed. After you turn the lights off, you drape the comforter over your figure as your body sinks with the cozy sheets and pillowcase. Your eyes close while focusing on the curtains of your window, the only light piercing inside being the lampposts by the street.
…Well, at least that’s what’s supposed to happen. But that’s not the case because you’re not the only one lying comfortably on your mattress. Instead, Toji is here with you, in your room, on your bed, his chest to your back, and his hand roaming inside your oversized shirt. Your lips are now connected with his, sharing your erotic moans with his enticing groans, and you get a little louder as his fingers cup and play with your breast.
“Mmphh…Ahhhh, I thought I told you you’re sleeping in the guest room—Nmmff!” He tweezes your nipple with his forefinger and thumb roughly.
“And I thought you’d be smart enough to know that wasn’t gonna happen.” Toji kisses the crook of your neck, drawing near your ear for him to whisper. “Besides, look at you. Still sleepin’ with no underwear on?”
“Hmph, only when I have a man around the house.” That answer got you another rough tweak on your nip and a purposeful gnaw to your ear. You knew he’d react like that, never liking the mention of another man leaving your mouth – especially during an intimate time like this.
“That so? What man you know that can handle all this?” Toji then moves from his side to be between your legs, pulling up your shirt to fully expose your chest. And your breathe hitches while his free hand travels down your abdomen to your bottoms.
“Ahhhh, no one. Just you...” You look at him with half-lidded eyes, taking in his reaction to what you said. The salacious grin on his face becoming broader should entail that he greatly loved that retort.
He brings his face to your other unattended nipple, “Good answer, princess.” The nub of your breast enters his mouth, and the wet warmth of his tongue greets it with lapped motions and grazes from his teeth. Despite that, it doesn’t distract you from the fact your bottoms are pulled down with ease and are thrown to the bedroom floor, leaving your cunt out for him, your erotic fluids seeping and glistening from the outside lights.
Toji plays with your folds until he can stuff his pointer finger into your chasm, the insertion resulting in your body’s jolt. It’s been a long while since you had his thick digit inside you, playing and scraping the inner walls to evoke whimpers. God, it felt so good, this satisfying feeling returning to awaken your body to his touch. He interacts with your body as if he’s the only person who knows how to get you going – and it’s the truth. No one can put you in a blissful haze quicker than this man. And you’d prefer to keep it that way.
The addition of his middle finger into your leaky entrance startles you, the thick digit making its way in with such vigor that he uses both fingers to scrape the velvety texture of your walls. Your eyes are now screwed shut at the growing commotion between your thighs, and the heat within your body flourishing all around gets to your head. “—Khmm, Oh fuuck, Toji. Please, don’t stop.”
With a soft ‘pop’ noise from his lips, Toji replies to your demands. “I’m sorry, what’s my name again?” You giggle with trenched brows. Of course, how could I forget?
“Nmmph, D-Daddy, pleaseee, I’m so clo—Ahhhann!!” He puts his thumb to your clit, grinding down on it unexpectedly. “I wanna cum, pleaseee…”
“Hmmm, good girl,” he teased, laying down kisses, nibbling on the skin of your stomach and inner thighs until he arrives at your leaking slit. Your body jerks up from the bed when you feel the cold, wet muscle slowly lick on your clitoris before ravaging your folds. The sounds of his mouth on your cunt are so lewd to the ear, slurping noises from his lips with the lapping motions of his tongue claiming your come are too much for you. And when he uses his hand to swipe and pinch your clit? Oh, it’s a wrap. Your release comes out without control, biting down on your bottom lip to make sure your cries don’t leave this space for the kids to hear. Their room is on the other side down the hall; tonight isn’t the night for too many risks.
When your trembling body calms down and subsides, Toji withdraws his face from between your thighs. Your essence paints his mouth, and he wipes his chin clean while licking the remnants that coat his scarred lips. “Hmph, missed tastin’ you like that.” You open your eyes when your high finally evades you, watching your ex-husband pull down his sweats. His erection springs out and hits his stomach, your mind going rampant with thoughts as you ogle at his freed limb. Shit, it’s been so long. Will that shit even fit me again?
“Don’t think it’ll fit, baby?” Damn him, he loves teasing you. Toji then discards his black wife-beater, at long last revealing his well-built, brawny physique that has you drooling for him. He uses his hands to maneuver your legs—your knees pushed to your chest as your legs propped up on his shoulders. A position you’re all too familiar with. Your eyes don’t leave Toji’s cock as he aligns his cock to your slick-coated folds. “Take some breaths fr’ me, sweetie. Can’t take care of you when you’re all tense.”
You take up on his advice and begin taking deep breaths, reminding yourself to maintain the steady pattern as he pushes the tip of his dick between the lips of your cunt. Every inhale is where he nudges into the hole of your inner cavern, and every exhale gives you time to breathe out the pain that comes in for a split second. This carries on until the cockhead wedges itself perfectly into your vagina, along with the inches of his girth that stretches until the base kisses your lips, the tip of him kissing your cervix. Tears swell up in your eyes, taking more deep breaths to prepare yourself for what’s about to come.
“Oooh fuuuck…Heh, yeah, that’s my baby right there. Fittin’ so perfect fr’ me, mama…” He puts his weight on you, keeping your figure unmoving under his bow.
“Nmmmf, Daddyyy,” you’re forced to take in all of him, and drool trails down your lips with no hope of taking care of it. “…I’m so full, you’re too much…”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” He wipes your spit after kissing your forehead. How gentle compared to what you’re about to go through. “Gonna move now.” His thrusts start slow for the two of you to adjust to each other; the feeling of his length’s veins coming in and out of your chasm is so euphoric, and the kisses to your cervix want your body to writhe and squirm. But you’re bent into this position for a reason: forced to submit to him no matter what. So you do just that.
Yet your horny haze gets more potent once he picks up the pace, rutting into you with increased speed. Your slit, still sensitive from earlier, gets overstimulated with the constant grazes on your gummy walls and jabs to your tender cervix. It takes everything in your power not to come so early.
“—Hahhhh, Nmmph. Oh, shit, shit, shit…” Toji groans above you, the thrusts of his pelvis increase to an irregular rhythm, grinding deep into your cunt to the point of uncontrollable babbles escaping your lips. His bullying on your insides results in you gripping his length hard, causing the older man to hiss and moan at your contractions. “—Ohhhfuuuckk!! Jesus Christ, baby. Y’re gonna make me go crazy.”
As if that wasn’t already happening now that he pistons his cock into your wetness, your brain turning into mush from the onslaught of ruts to your puffy wet chasm. Tears stream down your face, and more drool follows down with more precise hits to your delicate canal. The pounding in your head makes it hard to think of anything else, the squelching noises and paps of Toji’s balls hitting your cunt making it worse.
“D-Daddyyy, I’m—Ohoooo!! Oh, Jesus, ohhhshit!” You can’t formulate a proper sentence, too engulfed with the electrifying sensations coursing through your body.
“Damn, you feel too fucking good—Hnngh!!” Toji places his forehead on yours, resting his entire weight on you while his hips have a mind of their own. “‘Bout to make me knock you up…”
Oh, good Lord. The mere thought of having a child is the last thing that should be on your mind. But in a time like this, who in their right mind would be thinking straight? “Nnnfff! Oh God, pleaseee, fill me up, Daddyy!” Green eyes narrow with trenched brows. “—Pleasepleasepleaseee!! I want you to fill me up so bad, I want it, I want—Hyaaaaa!!”
How can he deny your desperate, teary pleas when you’re urging him on like this? “Heh, you’re so fuckin’ sexy, mama.” Toji captures your lips with his, your mewls taken by him as you sink further into your pleasurable thrill.
Sporadic thrusts of his pelvis produce more raunchy noises in the joining of your sexes, his heavy balls smacking on your cunt as he drives the base of his cock straight into you. Your slit is now a puffy mess, come and slick form a soapy mess that Toji now harbors a milky ring around his girth. A few rushed, sloppy thrusts heighten your high once more, and then Toji presses his pelvis down to the hilt on one final, harsh thrust, unloading his seed into your aching folds. And your climax follows in a few seconds, the walls of your cunt fluttering on his pulsating dick as your essence soaks him. Your muffled shrieks are received by him, quivering under him until the aftershocks wash through your body.
Once you two breathe at a steady tempo and the nerves of your sweaty bodies fall still, the kiss is broken with heavy pants and a string of spit that links you two together. Toji buries his face between your neck and shoulder, licking and kissing your skin as you’re allowed time to experience your clarity.
“Hmmm…You know I’m not done yet, princess.” Toji mumbles to your ear before stationing your legs off his shoulders for them to rest.
“Yeah, I know, big guy.” You tease him with a breathless laugh, kissing him on the temple. “Always wanting more…”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“…So, you’re telling me you had your ex-husband spend the night? Not just the kids?”
“Yup, that’s what happened.”
This morning was different from your usual routine – well, you can’t say it’s different if you have done it before, huh? After five years of divorce, you thought you’d be so used to waking up and getting ready for work without worrying about others. However, this morning proves otherwise.
It felt natural walking into the kids’ room and lightly shaking them awake, telling them to get ready while you whip up something quick for them to eat as Toji showers (using your bathroom, by the way). Watching the kids run down the stairs and eat breakfast puts a smile on your face, reminiscing about the good old days when they were younger and teenier. It sometimes feels surreal doing the same thing for them now that they’re getting older and taller. But seeing them bicker and interact with each other in your presence never fails to warm your heart.
When Toji’s finished freshening up and loading his kids’ stuff in his truck, it’s time to bid them farewell for their departure for school. You give them final touch-ups on their hair and outfits, reminding them to be safe and not get into trouble (especially Megumi, now that the boy’s been getting into fights). And before they rush to the car, you hug them and give each a kiss on the cheek. Here is where the warm feeling inside your heart begins to deteriorate, not wanting to let them go. Yet, for their sake – and education – you release them and hope for the best.
The last to leave was Toji, who came from the kitchen to the front door with a paper plate wrapped in foil in one hand. His name is written boldly by a black Sharpie. “This fr' me?”
“No, it’s for Shiu Kong, for dealing with you all the time.” You stick your tongue out at Toji as he glares at you, not even moving out of the way while he exits through the door. “You better eat that when you get to work, you have a terrible habit of skipping lunch.”
“Whatever ya say, mom.” He pesters you with the title, knowing you’re technically not a mother anymore. Yet it only makes you smile knowing he notices your maternal side.
“Don’t forget to text me when Tsumiki’s soccer game is next week.” You watch him go down the porch stairs.
“Will do.”He whistles.
“And Toji?”
The man stops walking to turn to you, his forest green eyes fixed on you so quickly that you almost forget what you want to say. Or what you wanted to do. You place your fingers on your lips and blow a kiss with an outward gesture. It was an old habit you did whenever he left, something you can’t seem to get out of practice with. It’s embroidered in your mind at this point.
And when he catches the kiss with his free hand and places it on his chest, it makes your heart skip a beat. Toji grins, “I’ll be damned if that was fr' Shiu, too.”
You snicker with a shaken head. “Drive safe, Toji.” Closing the front door, you stand there for a while. Your smile doesn’t falter; it gets bigger as you replay the moment instead. Thinking about him, hearing him, seeing him, it all drives you crazy. And that’s a good thing…right?
“I don’t know, sounds like you still kinda care about the guy.”
“Of course I do,” So here you are, sitting in your living room enjoying the rays of the sunset decorating the space, in a video call with your best friends, Utahime and Mei Mei. You reply to the former’s comment. “Just because I don’t have the ring on my finger doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care about him. I mean, he’s the father of two lovely children.”
“Shoot, you’re better than me, then.” The dark-haired woman admits. “But you’re kinda proving my point, Y/n. Even when you don’t have the ring on, you two act like the same old couple, and it’s definitely not just for the kids’ sake. Let’s be real here.”
You try to interject, but the pale-blue-haired other, Mei Mei, intervenes, “I agree. It’s one thing if you let the children stay over, but he also wanted to spend the night. Sure, he could’ve been tired from driving all day and such. However, if you’re still seeing a man for the last five years – while legally unbound – and he says he wants to spend the night under your roof, which is rare, that should ring some bells at least.”
“I know, it did…” you nod along with what your friend is saying, throwing your head back with a heavy sigh. “But it’s not like he’s never spent the night here before, nor is he banished from stepping inside.”
“Oh? Then why is this time different from the others?”
Utahime jumps in after Mei Mei’s chirp. “Yeah, you’re telling us about all these nostalgic lovey-dovey feelings as if you’re falling in love with him all over again. What, did you two have sex or something?”
An open mouth, yet no words come out, leaving you in a predicament. You could’ve just lied or swerved the subject to something else. But you didn’t. And the two women on the screen lift their brows with hooded eyes, a look meaning a thousand words. You couldn’t even explain yourself either because a sudden knock on your door captured the attention of all three of you.
You stand up and walk towards the door, your friends still on call on the phone at hand. Opening the door, you’re almost stunned to see in front of you. Tsumiki and Megumi with nervous smiles, and their father at the car collecting the same duffles bags from last night. You’re kidding.
“Hey, kids.” The two of them gulped from not calling them by their names. You bring up the phone to face the screen to them. “Say hello to Auntie Mei Mei and Utahime.” The women on the line smile and wave at the children, who sheepishly wave back.
“Hi, aunties.” Megumi greets them, and then his eyes drift back to you. “So, Y/n—“
“What did you forget this time?” Straight to the point, no room for excuses.
“It was Miki this time! She forgot her soccer cleats.” The older sibling gawks at her younger brother for calling her out.
“Tsumiki, I know you have cleats at home.”
“I do, but these are special! You bought them for my birthday, and I’ve been wearing them to every game ever since! So, I was scared when I couldn’t find them at home.” The brunette was quick to defend her stand. “Also, Dad doesn’t feel like driving up here and then back. So…can we…”
You close your eyes and bring the phone to your face to shield your vexation. Twice in a row, the sixth time this month. You can hear the giggles of your friends from the other side of the phone, adding more fuel to the fire. You don’t look up until you hear heavy footsteps on the porch, seeing Toji holding both duffle bags with a hand and shoulder. He stares at you as you stare at him, a silent conversation on how to handle this situation. And when he shrugs with lifted brows, you realize it’s no use and release the long-awaited sigh.
“….If I see one more thing being left behind here, you guys can’t come back till December, understand?” It wasn’t anything serious, but enough for the kids to know you weren’t joking. They nod their heads in unison while you roll your eyes. “Okay, get in here.” They rushed inside with gleeful laughs, the shuffling of their backpacks following along with them. Your eyes then drift to Toji as he walks up to you. “Did you forget something here, too?”
“Yeah,” you lift a brow when he drops Megumi’s bag to the floor. Before you can register his hand on your chin, you squeak when he brings his lips to yours. It lasted for seconds, but the kiss was sweet and tender, sucking on your lip before letting go with a playful bite. “Meant to give you that when you woke up. Thanks fr' the food, mama.”
Toji picks the bag up and walks inside your home to put the bags in the rooms, leaving you standing on the porch with an astounded expression. You couldn’t appropriately calibrate your thoughts until you heard faint laughs from the phone. Then, you realize your best friends witnessed the entire scene that transpired.
Utahime, with the slyest leer, was the first to say something. “Oh yeah, he laid that pipe on you good, without a doubt.”
“Mhmm,” Mei Mei agrees with a chuckle. “And I'm guessing he’s gonna do it again tonight. Isn’t that right, Y/n?”
You end the video call with a heated face. “Sh-Shut your damn mouths!!” Again, you groan into your hands before returning inside. Thank God I still have those birth control pills...
♱ 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2023 – reblogs + comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header art by rororogi mogera + dividers by the amazing @/cafekitsune!!
#𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊 ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ 𝑾𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔: 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji smut#toji fushiguro smut#toji x you#toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x reader#fushiguro toji x you#toji fanfic#fushiguro toji smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fic#jjk imagines#jjk fic
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Blue October - Hate Me
#blue october#hate me#music video#hey loverly it's not a perfect fit but i'm still thinking of you#it's been a little over three years since you left and about two and a half years since i learned it happened#my second kid is about the same age my first was then#at the same stage of wanting to be held all through the night#i held her while i cried my eyes out wanting to be sick all over the keyboard because i couldn't accept that i'd stumbled upon your obit#i trusted so much that you were just outside of my line of my sight that it took me that long to realise you were dead#i'm still waiting for you to come home even though i know you're gone#i hope there's no afterlife so that i can be sure that you're actually free from it all#but if there is i'm going to tear you a new one once i'm done hugging you so you'd better be bracing yourself when the time comes#i still love you and i forgive you but also how could you do this to me when i was always here to help#why didn't you ask me i would have done anything#what made you think that i wouldn't have helped you through this#you took away every year we had left and i hate you for it#we could have been old hags together and instead you bowed out early and i'll be waiting until last call to see you again#but i'm tired of rambling so just understand that i'm still mad but it's because i still love you so much#Youtube
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I think I saw you shared a list of books you’d read a couple years ago and was it you who read something like 350+ books in a single year? If so that’s absolutely remarkable and I’d love to see a list of top ten (or twenty or whatever number) of books you’ve read this year that you recommend
Don't be ridiculous, I only read 303 books in 2021! That's much more reasonable than 350. And I've read fewer and fewer each year since---this year I don't think I'm going to crack 50, though I still have a couple days.
Still, always happy to talk about what I enjoyed. Books are listed in vaguely chronological order, though I make no promises.
Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Samantha Allen
I've mentioned this book before, but essentially I put in the library request solely for the improbability of the premise---The Bachelor heads to the PNW and encounters Bigfoot? Fortunately, it delivered on that promise magnificently. A breezy and delightfully gruesome little novel with a bodycount.
Are You My Mother?, Alison Bechdel
I didn't viscerally connect with this one as much as "Fun Home" but I think it might be because it's…closer to the bone for me. When Bechdel writes about the longing for a mother that can't be answered, pulling back, pleasing, an anger that becomes unspeakable, re-routed to anxiety…it's uh. well it's churned up the silt, let's put it that way.
Greener Pastures, Michael Wehunt
I love short stories, but finding those authors who hit the right notes unerringly, in such a brief space, can be tricky sometimes. Wehunt is the rare exception, strange and unique as a writer, dream-like in his descriptions and images. "October Film Haunt: Under the House" was my favorite, though I can't say for sure whether it's because I recognized the framing device or it was just fun to read…
Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table, Lust & Wonder, Augusten Burroughs
I read these out of order (Lust & Wonder first, then the other two) but even so, I was wildly impressed. Lust & Wonder was a revelation; I stumbled on it in the library and walked out with it the same day. No wonder people tell you to read his books, he's got such a clear-eyed meanness, an interesting sort of canniness to his depiction of himself, the people in his life…it really does demonstrate that there is no such thing as a boring life, just a boring narrator.
But if Lust & Wonder is Burroughs at the height of his power, Running with Scissors and Wolf at the Table are the necessary steps up to it. More unfinished, more raw---a litany of horrors, not even leavened by that same canny, mean humor that flashes through L&W. It's just horrifically sad to watch every person around this kid fail him, leave, or both; terrifying and unexpectedly funny and yet tender as a sucking wound.
The Princess Bride, William Goldman
I picked this up entirely by chance and ended up being deeply charmed. I don't know what I was expecting---well, no, that's not true, I was expecting the film. But what I got instead was something almost real, pleasantly rough around the edges as Goldman's caustic narration winds its way from Florin to the machinations of S. Morgenstern's lawyers, to his struggles with raising his son. (One of the funniest scenes was when he goes to meet S. Morgenstern's lawyer, and the ravishingly beautiful attorney becomes a horrible old hag the more she talks about how he won't be granted a license.)
I was afraid the book would be twee, but at the center of it is a pure (if slightly embarrassing, but truth generally is outside of Florin) love of stories, and wanting stories told.
In the Woods, The Likeness, Broken Harbor, Tana French
As I've said before, I started reading this series because I was traveling to Ireland and thought it seemed appropriate. I didn't go too deep into French's oeuvre, mostly because I couldn't shake wanting the books to be urban fantasy rather than gripping psychological portraits with a decidedly noir sensibility. Still, the books themselves are taut and fascinating, the portraits they paint of the Dublin Murder Squad (all of whom are staggering, wounded in their own ways) and the blighted, post-Celtic Tiger Ireland, are deeply compelling.
Also, I do still think The Likeness is a perfect answer to The Secret History.
Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century, Kim Fu
There's something truly powerful in a short story that doesn't answer any questions or provide you with any sort of guidance---just walks in and rearranges your photographs so they're slightly off-kilter, leaves you with that destabilization. It's almost spiritual, that sense. In particular, there's a story in the collection about the world's sense of taste disappearing; a woman begins crafting art installations to try and recreate the experience of eating a pear, what your favorite family meal tasted like. Short stories are like that.
Perilous Times, Thomas D. Lee
I was surprised by this one. I know that's how I've described half the books above, but truly, this surprised me---not so much the rising action or plot (there's a sleeping king, knights around a table, a dragon) but I loved the setting so much. The depiction of a slightly-futuristic UK as drowning land sold off for parts; figures like immortal spymaster Marlowe coexisting with reborn Lancelot and Kay; the fay hovering around the edges; and then just….all the factions, the Welsh royalists and men's rights group propped up by military contractors; environmental activists, the references to the hodgepodge that existed in the 4th century AD too. More than anything, the novel conveyed how Britain's always been a place of change, the movement of people and permeable barriers, and that more than anything worked for me.
(Also, it's a small thing but I loved how the Camelot crew translated modern concepts and objects into their language and knowledge of the world. It was always shown as hesitation rather than total shock, and I found it both moving and persuasive.)
A Cup of Salt Tears, Isabel Yap
I read this in a series of speculative novellas, which impressed on me yet again how hard it must be to write novellas. (Last year, one of my least favorite books was a novella; I still think about it with joyful hate.) However, Yap takes care to focus on single, brief narrative, concerns herself solely with the very small yet very significant issue of a woman, her husband, who and how she loves, wrapped up together with a kappa. Excellent, haunting.
Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022
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Who Fell First, Who Fell Harder? But Make It Yandere!
Wanted to do this with all of the Mondstadt & Liyue men, but I lost inspo immediately after writing Aether's part. Had to force Albedo's part out... Planning on making sequels with all the other boys in the future, but idk when.
Ft. Yandere! Aether, Albedo (separate) X Yandere! Gn! Reader
Tw: Soft yanderes
Published: October 12, 2023
Words: 657
Pages: 2
Aether: You fell first, he fell harder!
You fell for him when he saved your life from an unexpected Lawachurl. How could you not? He looked so perfect, jumping in front of you and slashing at the monster with his sword. And the interaction that followed was equally as perfect, starting with him pulling you up from the ground with ease as a floating child asked if you were okay. He didn't talk much, the child- whom you soon learned was named Paimon- doing most of the talking, but his expressions said enough.
You couldn't help but follow Aether around, and you learned how he was searching for his lost sister, but unfortunately had to spend most of his time helping others. The second-hand offense you had felt was so strong you vowed to personally handle every problem dumped on him. And upon being reminded that you couldn't fight, you changed that vow to 'personally handle every social problem'. You hated being away from him, but his grateful smiles and his occasional quiet 'thanks' were great motivators to keep your promise. And on the plus side, all of your hard work got you a good if not great reputation in every nation you guys visited. Which, in turn, allowed you to threaten greedy merchants, scummy villagers, and shady military personnel.
He fell for you after you had taken a bullet from a Fatui Skirmisher from him. At first, he was irked as he took the formerly unnoticed Fatuu out; bitter that you had gotten hurt. Although the reason why was a mystery to him. He always knew this would happen! Why did he let you come? Why did you have to follow him around so much?? Why did that stupid skirmisher think he could get away with this?! It wasn't until he killed the Fatuu and returned to your slowly-dying side that he realized. Despite Paimon's cries, and the horrid smell of burnt flesh, you weren't worrying about yourself. You were worrying about him, even using your seeping strength to place your hand on his cheek.
He could never explain the relief he felt when a doctor saved your life. He helped you through every step of the healing process, making sure to wrap every one of your bandages himself, gathering the best materials for the healthiest foods, and helping you re-learn how to walk. When you were finally healthy again, he made sure to never leave your side. He'd follow you around help you deliver letters, or settle arguments. And when he'd have to go on commissions, or deal with disgusting perverts and annoying hags, then he'd tuck you away into his Serenitea Pot for safekeeping.
Albedo: You fell first, you fell harder!
You fell for him a few weeks after your first love broke your heart and ran off with a harlot. When he had comforted you with some magically healing words. After that, you started following him around as best you could. And unlike the concubus who had tricked you, Albedo actually cared about you! Like when you tried following him into Dragonspine, he recommended that you stop so you didn't get yourself hurt. And when he learned that your 'stalking' was interfering with your job, he recommended that you get a new one in the Knights of Favonius Investigation Company!
You continued to fall for him as he personally taught you alchemy. And when he'd give you tips for surviving Dragonspine's harsh conditions. And as whenever he took the time to make you and occasionally Timeaus food while you were up there. Naturally, you did all you could to repay his acts of love. Such as getting him rare paints to use. Or handle his friends for him. And even use your newfound power as a Knight of Favonius to hurt every harlot stupid enough to think they deserve his love!
#genshin impact#gi#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x y/n#genshin impact x you#aether#yandere! aether#aether x reader#aether x y/n#aether x you#albedo#albedo x reader#albedo x y/n#albedo x you#x reader#gn!reader#yandere!reader
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Hagging Out--October
Ahoy, and welcome to the October edition of Hagging Out!
Over the next few days Hags from all over the world will be posting & sharing their unique takes on this month's challenge - Hallowtide rituals and traditions. I'll be reblogging and commenting as notifications roll in!
💀 October Hags: @goddess29, @hypomanicsatanicpanic , @buddyblanc @graveyarddirt, @tsavo-witch, @temperamentalterpsichorean, @mildlyoccultish , @stellasapiente, @hrusewif, @stormcrow513, @wildwood-faun, @lurelurk, @matagot-carfouche, @satsekhem, @sevenswordsofsorrow, @catastrophe-jones, @a-witch-named-crow, @incense-or-cigarette-smoke, @fauxsmilesforall, and @pagan-stitches
I'm really excited to see what you Hags got up to! Be sure to tag your post(s) with #Hagging Out so fellow crones can follow along.
Happy Hagging Out! <3
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um this is because @fuck-i-love-october was making me sad about wolfstar angst and nsfw :(
um so thinking abt post azkaban wolfstar. remus said that he thinks they need time before they dive right back into a relationship. i mean, sirius just spent 12 years being tortured and remus spent 12 years trying (failing) to hate the man who murdered his closest friends, only to find out he's innocent, it isnt the right time for either of them.
but sirius, oh sirius :( he's convinced its partly because he doesnt look the way he used to. his skin is sagging, hes all bones that click uncomfortably when he moves, his eyes have sunken in, no matter how much magic they use, his teeth will never fully recover. remus was there to help shower him, brush his matted hair out and wash the caked mud away from his skin. remus was there when he acted manically, or when he talked to hallucination. his voice gone rough from the years of screaming. he would walk around like a kicked dog. and sirius knew, he knew all these things to be insecure about. so of course, that had to be part of the reason remus doesnt want to continue things!
its only months after that they finally do kiss, its so sweet and gentle, far too gentle for someone like sirius, whos become all sharp and jagged edges over the years.
when the kiss does turn heated, sirius drops to his knees and desperatly tries to get remus' cock in his mouth, because before and after azkaban, sirius knows he was made for this, his mouth carved to fit the curve of remus' cock. despite his upbringing, he didn't mind the degrading position it put him in, loved it even. it was like he was worshiping remus.
before azkaban, sirius loved making eye contact as he went down on remus, it was so intimate and he knew that he'd always find love and adoration in remus' eyes. post azkaban, sirius couldn't bare to look up. he didn't feel pretty enough, didn't want to ruin it for remus by having him look at him. he also couldn't bare the rejection. before azkaban, sirius was a bit of a slut (lol we know). he would moan around remus' cock, pull off and ask "is it good? am i making you feel good moony?" post azkaban, sirius was quiet, and shy. he was so insecure and felt that if remus realised that it was sirius down there, he'd be disgusted and wouldn't finish.
when remus does finally finish he pulls sirius off and says "open up baby" (sirius tried to ignore the fluttering feeling the pet name gave him, he knew remus only said it in the heat of the moment) and remus came all over sirius' face. he licked some of the come around his mouth and couldn't help the cheeky grin that spread over his face. remus smiled with a flushed face as he reached forward to caress sirius' cheek and just gazed at him. "what?" sirius would ask, "you just look so beautiful, i want to take a photo" and sirius immediately pulls back with furrowed brows. and all sirius can think is 'is he making fun of me?' because why, the fuck, would remus, genuinely want of photo of sirius now? when he's old and hagged?
sirius' eyes well up with tears and when he finally pulls out of his thoughts he finds sirius looking down on him with concern. he tries to stop the tears from falling, his bottom lip wobbling pathetically, but the tears relents and soon he's sucking breaths of air in. "pads whats wrong?" remus would say a bit frantically. before azkaban, sirius never cried, well, he would cry late at night into remus' neck while they both pretended it wasn't happening. so now, remus was a bit out of his depth. and if we're being honest, if he wasn't so concerned he would def be laughing at sirius covered in cum, while sobbing.
remus pulls sirius into his lap, his body had become awfully pliant in the past 12 years. "sirius whats wrong? look at me, tell me whats wrong" sirius chokes out an apology and remus would just tell him he's done nothing wrong and he doesn't need to apologise, he'd rub his back and murmur things like "its okay, just deep breaths" even though hes so fucking confused.
when he does calm down remus has to coax out what made him so upset and sirius confesses he just doesn't understand why remus would want a photo, he isn't beautiful anymore and remus is just so ??? like how could sirius, Sirius Black ??? not think he's beautiful. and again, remus is so out of his depth because before azkaban, sirius was the least insecure person he knew, as far as looks go. and while remus is thinking, sirius is babbling on about what he thinks his flaws are and remus just stops him and he sounds so, idk, shocked? and he's all like "sirius, how could i ever expect you to love me if all i cared about was looks? you are so much more then a pretty face to me sirius, i love you for who you are, and i never stopped, no matter how hard i tried, i could never stop loving you" and they both just kinda 🧍♀️cuz that was the first time either of them said the l word and sirius just kisses him and when they pull back remus adds "and the pretty face is just a bonus"
then they fuck nasty after that >:)
#sorry this got a bit out of hand#i kind of rambled on about nothing lol#wolfstar#sirius#sirius black#remus lupin#marauders#post azkaban sirius#wolfstar angst
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A Tumble
Rating: Explicit 18+ only!
[AO3 Link]
[Kinktober 2023 prompt thanks to @absurdthirst! October 19th - Biting/Scratching, Piercings, Marking]
[[TW/CW: Injury, cptsd, blood, gore, alcohol, food, scar trauma]]
Summary: Vistri falls in battle, and Astarion wants to savor her survival.
Early in Act II, a while before the confession.
[Click here for my other Kinktober one-shots]
“Vistri!” he shouted her name so sweetly the other night, and now it crawled out of his mouth as something misshapen and wretched.
It wasn’t the first time Astarion saw her fall during a fight. She was a sorcerer; her type only ever brought robes and the raw, unlimited fury of the weave to battle.
Dropping to his knees, he sent another fiery arrow after the shadows and knelt beside her fallen form, like a paladin at the altar of their god. Vistri was crumpled like a rag, unmoving.
The others could handle themselves—She needed someone now! Astarion left the rest of the fight for them to finish up, wrenching the pack off his back and reaching into it with trembling hands.
Too many scrolls. So many fucking scrolls! There was one for poison, another for grease traps—for gods damned spiderwebs!
None for revival.
“Get up! Gods damn you!” he cried, still searching through his pack, “Get up!”
There was blood on her neck, but it was wrong. It wasn’t from his fangs at her invitation. The shadows did that to her.
The darkness in these woods was of a different kind; thick and overbearing, like the moment just after something horrible happened. The very air around them clung to their throats with every breath, coating their airways with heavy gravity. Such a perpetual night was hard to get used to and threw off all their senses, even for the vampire and the drow.
A ragged draw of breath by his knees stopped Astarion’s heart mid-beat. Vistri’s stillness had been deceiving. Quickly, he stuffed the scrolls back in and pulled out a bright-red potion instead.
Gingerly, reverently, he lifted her head up into his lap, mumbling prayers to gods who never answered. Astarion dabbed a bit of the serum onto Vistri’s lips, coaxing her to drink the rest. As she did, magic and dragon blood rapidly closed her wounds.
A bit of color came back to her periwinkle cheeks.
Vistri coughed, “Hello dear.”
He sighed into the sight of her living eyes and bent over to kiss her. Their lips were upside-down, and despite the inherent silliness of such a position, Astarion kissed her with ever grateful fervor. Vistri laughed and kissed him back as if she hadn’t just been ripped open and unconscious.
Feeling something creeping up behind him, Astarion unsheathed a knife from his thigh and excused himself, “Wait here a moment, love.”
He set her gently to the side and rose quickly with a twirl. His blade stuck immediately into the belly of a shadow cursed Harper, burrowing deep in its gut, and twisting for a mortal wound—Or mortal again. Face to face with the old corpse, Astarion stared into its blank, rotten eyes. The death on it was rank, stinking of at least a hundred years. Not having seen his reflection once these past two hundred, it made him wonder whether he had those same dead eyes.
One glance back at Vistri allayed him of those fears.
“Come back to my side at once,” she pouted, arms crossed.
In his rush to oblige, Astarion stabbed the undead creature through its brittle skull. Its face shattered and the whole decayed body shook with renewed lifelessness, collapsing on its own weight. It toppled over and crashed into his shoulders like a perverse greeting.
Regaining his balance on his back foot, Astarion pushed the rotting cadaver off him with a disgusted, “Eugh!”
His trousers were going to tear at the knee if he kept sliding on them, but it got him to Vistri’s side that second faster.
Which was worth it, “You blasted!” He kissed her about a million times, grumpily and gratefully, “Hag!”
“Hey!” she protested as he clung to her cheeks.
Astarion interrupted his flurry of pecks to chastise her, “Stop dying, then!”
“I didn’t die! Exactly...” she stubbornly insisted, refusing to ever take anything serious, seriously. “I just fell over!”
“You almost died!—Not that I care anything about it.”
Vistri couldn’t help but smirk at the way he turned his face away like a miffed housecat. His tones and expressions overflowed with shifting emotion, painting the loveliest picture of his heart, before settling into bitter denial. She might not have many memories, but Vistri was sure she’d never had this much fun with anyone else before.
“There’s something so dashing about the way you pout.”
Her little compliment made Astarion’s expression shift dramatically once again. He tried his best to frown, and faced her again just to turn his nose up, “Don’t try to flatter your way out of my concern.”
“Thought you didn’t care.”
“I don’t!” he scoffed.
“Oy! Children!” Karlach called out, emerging from the gloom with her flaming greatsword flung lazily over her flaming shoulder, “Lend a hand next time, will ya?”
She and Wyll were strutting towards them out of the near dark, obviously smug about having felled the last of the foes on their own.
“I am no child!” Astarion spat, “I’m over 200 years old!”
“Act like it then,” she winked cheekily.
Ally or not, he was ready to jump up and fight until Vistri reassuringly squeezed his hand. Reaching to him through their tadpoles, she explained, Karlach’s only teasing for fun, love. It’s a rough and tumble thing! She wouldn’t be teasing if she didn’t respect us.
Astarion dropped his shoulders. He knew that sort of thing. That’s how they all talked to each other all the time. But something about the way she said children reminded him of a much colder heart. If it weren’t for Vistri’s interference, he would have acted out of line.
Perhaps out of embarrassment at that recognition, Astarion decided to compensate with an extra level of what was expected of him.
“You hear that, my dear?” he quipped, sheathing his knife, “Karlach thinks we should act more… adult.”
Demonstrating his obvious innuendo, he scooped Vistri by the waist to bring her closer. In full view of the others, Astarion had his way with her tongue.
“Ah, love,” Wyll remarked dreamily, pretending to appreciate their display.
“Don’ know if I’d call that love,” Karlach groaned, “More like bragging if you ask me.”
With a teasing grin, he countered, “What is love if not life’s greatest braggart?”
“Should write that down, mate.”
“Really?” Even though it was only in jest, Wyll was a bit flattered, “You think so?”
Karlach winked, “I’d say you were a poet, and ya didn’t even know it.”
The lovers paid their banter no mind, hearing nothing but the breathing and humming singing across one another’s lips. There was nothing else in the world. To Astarion, it was all taste; savoring Vistri’s very existence. She’d come so close to disappearing; her soul slipping though his very fingers...
Her lips were warm. They were so warm.
“Um, guys?” Wyll cleared his throat, “Can we go now?”
Vistri hummed dreamily as she tore herself away, and spoke still gazing into Astarion’s flustered face, “If I can yet stand on two feet.”
“If you can’t, I’m sure prince charming down there would be happy to carry you.”
Karlach guffawed, the very idea of him carrying anyone absolutely hysterical to her, “As if!”
Astarion stood up abruptly with an offended stomp, “As if?!”
“Come on, Fangs! Be real about it! Carry someone? All the way back to the inn?”
Before she knew what was happening, Vistri found herself swept up and thrown over Astarion’s shoulder like a heavy sack. She squealed with a mixture of terror and delight. Her head still light after her injury, the world spun.
“I’m not as useless as I may seem!” Astarion grumbled, tossing her around a bit as he adjusted his hold.
Exchanging raised brows, neither Karlach nor Wyll argued. But they were irritatingly smug about their silence.
Shrieking was common in the Shadow Curse lands, but Vistri’s was startlingly out of place. It had laughter and happy shock ringing brightly through it, “Your face is right by my bum!”
“Is that a bad thing, darling?”
“But what if I fart?!” she asked, breathless with laughing abandon.
“Don’t you dare!” he scowled.
Her ribs felt weak, “Quit jostling me about then!”
Knowing their antics could go on forever, Wyll accepted that their leader was distracted and turned to lead the way. As they walked back, he and Karlach stuck close, leaving the lovers to trail behind them in their own world.
He leaned in with a teasing comment, “Aren’t they sweet?”
Snickering, Karlach nodded back in sardonic agreement.
In a sense, they were sweet, both all charm on the surface and poison underneath. They just fit!
Mirrors don’t always fall in love, but those two fools obviously had. Everyone but them seemed to accept that fact. They were too smart to be clueless, but if they were aware, they stubbornly fought it like doomed fingers desperately grasping the edges of a cliff. As dangerous as they seemed to think it was, the worst that could happen was happiness. Such a blessed doom was sweet.
But they were loud! A constant buzz, bickering by daylight and shouting by moonlight. Annoying as they were, it was a good thing they were easy to poke fun at.
Impressively, Astarion managed to carry Vistri the whole way. She may have cast Feather, but they left out that detail when he bragged about it to the others back at Last Light. He was determined to prove everyone wrong about his strength—They should see how he was normally, before the tadpole traded away some of his powers for sunlight. He was a fearsome thing, and everybody should know it!
Vistri thought it was quite an impressive feat regardless. She’d smiled the whole way over, bouncing awkwardly, enjoying the warmth of his back. His hands strongly grasping the back of her thighs was a bonus.
She also managed not to fart.
After he paraded her around like the village braggart toting fresh-caught venison, Astarion finally set her down. There was a strong sense of regret when she left his arms, as if they’d lost something precious. Trying to pay that no mind, they stood blankly across from each other. Not knowing what to say or how to address one another.
“Well… Thank you,” she said, breaking their brief silence.
“For saving your life, or for carrying you?”
“Oh, there’s a list?” she chuckled.
His smirk was equal parts mischief and self-satisfaction, “You’ve been incurring a lot of debts lately, my dear.”
Vistri pretended to be startled, “Have I? Oh my! However shall I endeavor to pay them?”
Lifting a thoughtful finger to his chin, he mused, “Hmmm, what a dilemma!”
Imagining what naughty thoughts hid behind his sly, teasing eyes made Vistri shiver with something delicious. Her feeling wasn’t apparent from the outside, but Astarion had a sense of her growing anticipation regardless. He made her wait for as long as he could bear, then said, “How about I think on it a while? Best not to make any rash decisions.”
“Take your time,” she giggled, “Just make sure to get back to me with something goo—” Her stomach gave a loud, obnoxious growl.
She blushed at its interruption.
“Oh, dear,” Astarion said, “We should fix that, shouldn’t we?”
When they returned to camp, Vistri noticed he was being uncharacteristically subservient and sweet. He refused to let her do anything other than sit by the fire while he fetched her a bowl of something hot. He even brought a blanket to throw over their legs and sat there with her as she ate.
Vistri gazed at him, startled.
“What?” he asked.
She shook her head to clear it, answering, “Nothing,” and started eating.
It was a very plain stew with fish and beans, but it was everything to her on a night like this. Or was it even night? They had no sense of time in the Shadow Curse lands.
Astarion dipped his finger into her bowl and licked it.
“Hey!”
“Just wanted a taste.”
Her glare turned into something heated at his smile. Looking at him now, you’d never think his face held any worry. Well, minus the dark circles. And the haunted depth of his eyes… Whatever! In little flashes like this, he was brand new. No more heaviness. Vistri may have grown up with a sorcerer’s might, but she never felt more magical than when such an expression sat on his face.
“Oh, I’ll give you a taste,” she stated suggestively, tilting her neck to be perfectly clear about which kind.
Astarion was practically salivating.
“Oy! You two!” Karlach warned, “No blood where we eat—Including robes, Gale!”
“It was one time! And it was only a splatter on the hem!”
She rejected his excuse with an arm-wave and a chuckle.
Again paying their companions no mind, Vistri and Astarion remained locked in a stare. Sharing a paradox, their look was as intense as it was casual. It said, I’ll eat you up, as much as it whispered, Hey there.
“Make room for me,” Shadowheart demanded from above, standing over them with a bowl of stew in hand. She placed her spoon between her teeth, waiting for them to scoot over.
They moved to the side, so she could come sit in the middle.
“Thank you,” Shadowheart said, taking her place. They all worked together to adjust the too-small blanket across them. Once they were comfortable, she turned to Vistri, “Heard you fell out there.”
“She did!” Karlach answered before anyone else could.
Shadowheart pretended to be shocked, “And to think she insisted on leaving the cleric back at camp!”
“Fangs was there though. Quick responder, that one was.”
Shadowheart turned to him, teasing, “Are you blushing, Asti?”
“No,” he scoffed, “Vampires don’t blush!”
Everyone could see that he was contradicting his point.
Vistri mischievously chimed in with, “Yes, they do.”
Karlach and Shadowheart burst into laughter.
“Yes, yes! It was very dashing of me to save you!” Astarion rolled his eyes, “Want me to regret it?”
“You know,” Gale started, “It is a quite common misconception that vampires don’t blush. Cursed undead they may be, but!” His finger shot up on the word, but, “They still have all the same systems they had when they were alive. How they work though, now that’s the tricky part of it all. Because it’s different per classification of vampi—”
“Gale!” Astarion interrupted.
“What?”
“You’re not helping me, my friend.”
“Ah, right.”
Vistri found his irritation too delicious to drop, “Blood rushes to other places of yours, darling. Why not your face?”
Astarion leapt across Shadowheart to tickle her in payback. Shrieking, Vistri wiggled away from his reaching hands. Stuck in the midst of their struggle, Shadow’s bowl got knocked to the ground.
“Children!” she shouted in grief over her spilled stew.
Gale sighed, standing up, “I was getting seconds anyway.”
“Oh no! Shadow! Your stew!” Vistri gripped apologetically.
“Yes, Vistri! My stew! Your antics murdered my stew!”
“I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t upset her,” Astarion scolded, “She almost died today!”
Everyone paused to stare at him, startled by his voracious outburst. His tone came out of an aching heart, and there was a sorrowful tremor to it. Vistri was shaken by his sincerity; Shadowheart by his audacity. The others were just vaguely thrown by his display of giving a shit about anybody who wasn’t himself.
He cleared his throat in embarrassment.
“I’m fine,” Vistri insisted to throw the focus off him.
Pretending he was totally cool this whole time, Astarion smirked, “I made sure of that.”
She scratched her nose to hide her smile behind her palm. It wasn’t right that everyone got to stand there and watch them have feelings.
Shadowheart, still trapped between them, had suffered enough, “I’ll just go catch up to Gale.”
“Really now! That’s not necessary!” Vistri protested.
“Yes, it is,” Astarion said, grabbing her close as their friend vacated the space between them. With his arms around her waist, he covered her cheeks in a series of pecks.
She squealed delightedly, “Get off! I’ll drop mine too!”
“Balance, dear. You’ve got this.”
“No,” she shook her head laughing, “No, I don’t!”
“Fine,” he let go of her.
She leaned against him, and he threw an arm around her shoulders. Vistri loved the relaxed weight of it. The pressure on her shoulders seemed to calm her, and his warmth, the magic of how he always felt—Against his chest, under his arm, nestled against him—
“What are you smirking about?”
“Hu-What?”
“You’re thinking about something, I can see it, but I can’t hear it. Care to tune me in?”
She really, really didn’t.
“Maybe I was thinking about you,” she smirked.
“Hah!” he tossed his head back, “Good one.”
It was a tried-and-true trick of hers. Wave a secret in people’s faces, and they go searching for anything but that. She silently congratulated herself.
Vistri attempted to sound cheekier than relieved or self-satisfied, “Hah, indeed!”
“Say you were thinking about yours truly…”
FUCK!
“What would you be thinking about?”
Arsehole!
Vistri made a show of pretending to think really hard about it, to buy herself some time to think of a way around it, “Hmmmmm…”
Astarion, just trying to make a bit of a game, helped her out, “Could it be my… mesmerizing stare?”
Hoping to distract him, Vistri tackled his lips.
He chuckled as she broke their kiss, “You taste like fish stew.”
“I hate you!” Vistri shrieked happily, slapping his arm.
Even with that scowl on her face, she leaned into him just as before. Nobody really bothered them, so they just sat there as she ate, staring distantly at the fire. They spent the rest of the evening (if it was really evening) like that, peacefully snuggled until it was time to wash up.
Because of his scars, Astarion preferred to bathe alone. Once Vistri learned about them, however, he altered his habits to allow for one companion.
Alone in the shallows of the shadowed riverbank, his heart ached on his lips and found hers. Moaning, groaning, teeth, and tongue.
It was, take me and you’re mine. It was life again after centuries of destitution.
“Fuck,” Vistri muttered as he pulled away.
Astarion’s eyes were serious, “Do you desire me?”
“Yes,” she stated it so vehemently, it was half a laugh. She gave a serene sigh as he cradled her chin.
“And what do you particularly desire?”
To be loved by him across centuries. To never want or need anything else ever again because together they’d be whole. They’d keep each other safe from the world, and the world safe from them.
“I want you to take and take until there’s nothing left of me.”
“All of it?”
“All of it.”
He shook his head slowly, “I’d like to leave a little something for later, if it’s all the same to you.”
She moaned as he kissed her again. His hands traveled from her waist to her thighs.
“I’m hungry,” he growled. Nestling the bridge of his nose into the crook of her throat, Astarion could already feel the warmth of her blood on his tongue in anticipation. He reached out for her skin, tasting her on the tip of it.
On the side with her tattoo, that blue rose.
“Darling, have I ever mentioned how much I love this?”
It set her trembling in his arms. It wasn’t just his touch, and gods, was his touch… Vistri shivered. Astarion’s tongue reached out and kissed her skin. His warm breath melted her like chocolate over a raging fire pit.
And his words rang in her ears, bouncing around between layers of consciousness, “... how much I love this…”
This dhamphir was in her head. Louder than the other screams.
“... lovely blue rose…” he muttered, referring to her tattoo as he kissed it.
She could feel his tongue tracing it. Lingering over every line. He first kissed the petals. Licked along them like a painter, bringing their design into existence with his warm, wet strokes; Vistri his groaning canvas.
And it was torture for him too, to linger on her neck like this. His fangs ached for a taste of her beating heart. Drowning under Vistri’s spell, he longed to sup on her lifeblood like it was coming up for water. Astarion refused his reflex to indulge, burying her groans under his.
With his hands snaking up her back, Vistri sighed, surrendering herself to his embrace. Throwing her head back in delight, exposing her neck, she called out his name, “Astarion.”
He kissed her throat. The side of her neck.
Vistri begged, “Bite me.”
“Let me ask you this,” he said, just to linger there a little further, “A riddle.”
She whined, just slightly, under the spell of his torturous anticipation. It made his smile wider.
“What is it that every rose has?” His voice broke directly over the one inked on her neck.
“I don’t know,” she murmured thickly, guessing, “Thorns?”
“Yes,” he moaned, eliciting a moan from her in response. Clinging to his body, shivering. He had Vistri exactly where he wanted her.
He wanted her.
“I think yours is missing a few. Would you like me to add them?”
Throwing back her neck a little further, stretching it as far as it would go, she echoed, “Yes.”
He knew he could fuck her, right there and now. Vistri gave herself completely.
In whatever way he wanted.
Tracing down the stem, licking every line of leaf, just as he’d done with the petals, Astarion worked at making their longing worse; determined to drive them both to madness.
He swallowed, and licked his lips. Aligning his mouth along the stem, he dragged his fangs across her goosebumps so they sat in place. Then he sank himself into her, drinking down the trickles of her heart’s river.
His bite left two weeping crimson thorns along the rose’s stem.
“Shall I add more?”
Vistri shook her head, “I think we should get back to your tent as soon as possible.”
Squealing with poorly withheld laughter, they rushed out of the shallows, their movements slowed through water’s thickness.
Approaching the shore, they were almost shoulder-to-shoulder, with Astarion a bit ahead. He cheated anyway, despite already winning. As his knees broke the surface of the bank, he gave her a playful shove backwards.
“Bastard!” she shouted, and it was met with a high trill of laughter from Astarion, who was halfway across camp by the time she made up the stolen distance.
He took one look back to catch her delicious frustration, then closed in on his target. Breathlessly, he yanked open the tent flap.
She was sitting right there.
“Misty Stepping is cheating!”
“Shoving me backwards is cheating!”
Growling, he tackled her. They laughed as they rolled, still naked and dripping, over his tattered blankets.
For some reason, Astarion’s mind superimposed the brightness of her current expression with the shocked stillness of earlier this evening. It sunk all his features and dulled the sensation of power he’d just drank from her.
“Astarion?”
He smoothed the hair off her forehead with two damp palms. It looked like he was about to say something important.
Then he kissed her. Diving ungracefully forward, catching his lip on her tooth. But he didn’t care, and righted his mouth between hers without further thought, with the same intensity.
How fragile life was. It was easy to forget that after two hundred years of wishing to be rid of it.
It took just a slight tap of his thighs to spread hers wide apart for him. He reached down to drag a nail slowly up the inside of her legs. They obeyed his every touch, belonging to him.
“Fuck me and have another bite,” she offered, grinding against him.
Who was he to argue with that?
His hand clamped over her mouth as she cried out. Its sound broke muffled by his fingers. In almost the same movement, Astarion turned her head to the side and gave her rose another pair of thorns.
Vistri licked and sucked the fingers held against her lips as he drank her down. Her head grew lighter as his thrusts grew rougher. Until the sensations made her eyes roll back in her head. Until his sides were red and raw from her grasping scratches.
I love you, rang so loudly across her consciousness that it whispered into his. Too many feelings, guilt and a long-dead dream among them, stirred up from the dust of his heart for Astarion to pay it any attention. Instead, he sharpened his focus on the familiar rolling of their hips.
More of her blood would stain his blankets, but they didn’t care. Her neck dripped past their notice, leaking down the side of her rose and pooling behind her.
Astarion just wanted to take what he didn’t lose.
“Cum for me again, pet.”
Like a spell’s evocation, his words had a physical effect. Vistri started pulsing around him, clenching her legs around his waist in a vice grip.
“Shit!” he sputtered. His control ran away with hers. The push and pull of his hips started to slow, lazy with pleasure as he spilled into her.
Locked in their embrace, they both shook from a mighty force, like blades of grass trembling in a rough breeze.
Coming back to reality, they looked around at everything but each other.
“Are you all right?” Astarion remembered to ask.
She was grinning stupidly, “Great.”
He smiled back until he noticed the mess.
“You’re like a leaky peach!” he scolded her in concern. Haphazardly, he grabbed the nearest sufficient bandage, and pressed a stained, silk pillow to her fresh wounds.
“Don’t fret,” she insisted, “I just need a bit of wine.”
Halsin fussed at him about that a few days ago, but what did the wood elf know about that anyway? A druid too? Health freaks, the lot of them! Halsin be damned, wine was good for anything! Astarion turned hurriedly to fulfill her request, grabbing a nearby bottle.
“Thank you,” she said after he popped the cork and passed it to her. She took a deep sip.
“Better?”
Vistri still felt rather dizzy but nodded anyway, hoping to ease his concern. Then, suddenly struck by an idea, she adopted a playful tone, “Although…”
“What is it?” he asked, eager to make her more comfortable.
“I could be better,” she smirked.
Astarion was happy to play her game, but a bit confused about where she was going with it. Vistri seemed satisfied enough, even though they’d been a bit brief tonight. She frowned, and he tried so hard to read it. Her pout was teasing, but not in a heated way. Her relaxed eyes were dreamy with affection and twinkled with fey-like mischief.
“I don’t know what it is, but I’m missing something.”
“Oh?”
“Hmmm, maybe if you moved a bit to the side?”
His version of “a bit” was a very conservative estimate. Vistri frowned. So Astarion inched just the same but in the other direction.
“No! The other—That’s it,” she directed, “A bit more. No, more.”
Scooting closer and closer at Vistri’s behest, Astarion was eventually pressed up against her side.
“Better?” he asked, grinning with amusement. Still wondering about her intentions.
“Yes, but not quite… Better, but I could be better.”
“Well, we’ll have to fix that, won’t we?”
“Please! Now, lift up your arm.”
“Like this?”
“Yes, but stop making that face.”
“What face?”
She chuckled, “I don’t know, whatever that face was you were just pulling.”
“I was not pulling a face!”
“You were! Now shush and lift your arm back up!”
Vistri did the same thing, beckoning Astarion to move further and further into a position she had in mind. Pretending it wasn’t quite right and adjusting him until it was.
Until he held her tight, his arms around her shoulders.
“Better now?” he whispered.
“Better now,” she said. But her words caught in her throat, and she coughed at the end of them.
“You okay?”
“Throat’s just dry,” she nodded, sitting up, “Pass me the wine again, love.”
“You have it next to you.”
“Right.”
He took a swig after her, and they both settled back into their cuddle.
“Is this what you wanted?” he asked.
Vistri nodded. She wrapped her arms around his, pulling him tighter and sighed, “I feel better now.”
This time, they let the moment sit for a while. At least until it was too painful.
“I know your secret,” Astarion whispered naughtily against her shoulders.
She panicked, wondering what manner of secret he knew.
He giggled before he got his words out, “You farted on the way over.”
Blushing and laughing at the same time, Vistri struggled in his arms, shrieking, “You liar! I did not!”
The more she struggled, the firmer he held his grasp, “Yes, you did.”
“No!” she gasped, kicking at the air, “I did not!”
Even his tone was smirking as he teased, “A little toot by my ear.”
“I hate you!”
Astarion ceased his own laughter to plant kisses along her spine, on the back of her neck. Enough of them stilled her. Instead of fighting, she melted into him.
“Do you hate me now?”
“No.”
“Good,” he said. Then he took a risk, “Because I don’t hate you either.”
His words gave her wings, but she ripped them right off.
“You should.”
“Yeah, well… That goes both ways. Next time you run into a vampire, hate it for your own sake.”
Vistri chuckled, “That goes both ways too! Next time you camp with someone who dismembers a bard, run!”
They giggled. Then silence took over again, neither knowing what to do when they weren’t fucking or killing anything.
Speaking about nothing was more bearable than anything else. So they traded mindlessness back and forth. It looked like a conversation, but nothing was said. But speaking just to speak, they were discovering, was its very own thing.
His head nestled against hers, Astarion began casually nibbling on her earrings as she droned on and on about the creepy shadows. He closed his eyes, savoring the sound of her voice, not really listening. He was at peace, and so was Vistri, with the white rabbit on her shoulder nibbling away at her ear.
The gentle pressure calmed her. Vistri hadn’t ever felt anything like it. Eventually, she liked it too much to speak.
Focusing on the sensations of each other turned into its own type of meditation, which eventually faded into proper trance. Not a typical reverie or void, they recovered from the day within that awareness of one another.
Astarion existed through the slight breakage of breath across his wrist.
Vistri was the cursed heartbeat at her back.
[Click here for my other Kinktober one-shots]
#vistarion#kinktober 2023#absurdthirst kinktober list#prompt fill#vistri#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3#baldurs gate 3#full fic#astarion x durge#durge x astarion#a tumble fic#BrishFics#angst#smut#fluff#lemon
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helloooo, by any chance can you do a chapter or Drabble of bam, Jungkook and Maya? It can be anything— it doesn’t matter💗
The Favourite Parent | Maya Chapter
author’s note: hi ! thank you so much for the request, I’ve been in my bam x jk x maya feels since yesterday and this was the first thing that came into my mind. I hope you like it, darling ❣️
October 5, 2022
''Does Bam have a favourite?'' Taehyung's question rang through the apartment, having everyone present look at the young couple.
Jeongguk proudly nodded his head, pointing at himself. ''Obviously me, I clean his poop and wipe his butt everyday.''
Jin, Hobi and Taehyung glanced at the woman sitting on the couch, who was visibly trying to hold her laughter in. Jieun looked down at her lap, a tired Bam laying across her legs. ''Yeah, you're definitely the favourite.'' She teased in a sarcastic tone.
The members laughed at her words, while the 97-liner pouted his lips. ''Hey! I don't see you cleaning that ginormous shit of his.'' Jeongguk complained, demonstrating the size of Bam's poop with his hands in dramatic fashion.
''When you got Bam, you said you would do all the dirty stuff and that I didn't have to worry about anything since you adopted him.'' Jieun defended herself.
It was early into their dating stage that Jeongguk had adopted the Doberman into his home. He had assured her that it was his dog and that he didn't expect her to take care of Bam in any way, but Jieun gladly helped out here and there. She didn't think her and Bam would get along as well as they did since Jieun was more of a cat person.
Bam quickly grew attached to the woman, always excitedly greeting her when she walked into the door and clinging onto her whenever she did anything. Jeongguk noticed and started referring to Jieun as 'mom' whenever he talked to Bam about her.
''Ji, you scold him too much, he definitely likes me more.'' Her boyfriend continued, not stopping until she admitted that he is Bam's favourite.
Jieun rolled her eyes. ''It's thanks to my scolding that he's so well-behaved, you're always wrestling with him.'' The two bickered back-and-forth, ignoring the three members and the dog watching them.
''Guys, there's only one way to end the entire discussion!'' Jin exclaimed, making the two stop and look at the oldest member. ''You two call Bam at the same time, whoever he comes to, is his favourite.'' He concluded.
Jeongguk got up from his chair. ''I like that, come on, Bam!'' He moved to the couch and sat next to his girlfriend, who looked unimpressed by the entire thing.
''Bam, come here.'' Hobi motioned for the boy to come to him. He got up from Jieun's lap and moved over to Hobi, who immediately started petting him.
''Ready to be proven wrong, Ji?'' Jeongguk glanced at her, a smirk already present on his face like he had already won.
She offered him a sarcastic smile. ''You tell me.''
''3, 2, 1, go!'' Taehyung counted down.
''Bam! Come here, boy!'' ''Bam-ie, sit next to me.'' The couple called him over, Jeongguk's voice towering over Jieun's. However, that didn't seem to have any effect as Bam swiftly made his way to Jieun's side of the couch and planted himself in her lap again.
''And we have a winner! Kim Jieun, everyone!'' Jin declared, heavily amused by their maknae losing the little competition.
Jieun put her arms around the big dog, kissing his face. ''My good boy! I know you love mom the most, my baby.'' She coddled him, looking over at a pouty Jeongguk.
''Hey, Bam! Without me, she wouldn't even be your mom, remember that.'' He whined, crossing his arms.
''You jealous hag.''
Taglist: @stopeatread @sakuurra @seongwhaffels @cosmicwintr @smh-anon @cixrosie @allthings-fandoms @themalipirate
#maya.twice#kpop oc#kpop au#kpop addition#twice 10th member au#twice 10th member#10th member of twice#twice oc#twice added member#twice addition#twice au#jungkook x oc
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Instagram Repost: October 6, 2022
Absolutely horrible photos because the wind picked up just as I found it … But I was so excited to find a patch of what I believe's Tall Goldenrod (Solidago Gigantea) out at the farm when we went out looking for Pears for Hagging Out a while back now.
I've never actually seen Goldenrod in the wild and it really was an Experience™ because it was all damned near as tall as I was; to find a whole small meadow of it just at its peak before bloom, gently swaying in the evening wind and sun, was absolutely stunning. I wish I could have seen it after this in full bloom and harvested a bit of it. But alas, not for me. Maybe some day I'll be able to get back out there at peak time and get some seeds, though!
#ReTaming The Farm#Instagram Reposts#2022#Personal#Great Plains Foraging#Herbalism#Oklahoma#Casual Reminder That Oklahoma Is NOT A Midwestern OR Southwestern State#Prairie Magic & Medicine
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