https://xtramagazine.com/uncategorized/privilege-conflict-236673 OK I honestly hate this advice column answer, and feel it is leading to some toxic places. I wrote a goddamn essay of a comment which I will put under the cut, just because I think it’s important. Without going into too much detail, this is quite close to home for me. Tumblr keeps giving me ads for xtra magazine but this is the first time I clicked in and I’m going to hide the ads now, I’m not a fan and it’s not for me. My response, which I ended up needing 4 comments for:

1. I find this advice quite troubling, and there are many things that go unaddressed. For example, OP's reason for drifting during the pandemic was a very clear one: they had their first child. If the friend in question is childless, then this becomes the age old question (which disappointingly is not addressed AT ALL by Kai)- how does the friend who newly has children stay connected with their childless friends? If OP is a women, which the friend's comments suggests, she is likely to be doing much more than 50% of the childcare. I have not experienced this conflict in my own life yet but I have seen it discussed many times and both sides have reasonable grievances: the childless friends feel the friend with the new baby never has time for non baby related things any more, a lot of things such as evening events may be totally out for a while, and if meeting up the baby may have to come too a lot of the time which can be disruptive and a big change for the friendship. The friend with the child feels the childless friend doesn't understand the problems of always having to find childcare in order to do things, etc, and feels the childless friend thinks they are turning down too many invitations and it means they no longer want to be friends. Neither's feelings are wrong, but the fact that the child needs care will not change, and it will be a good long time before the child is old enough for childcare needs to not be a factor. This will always affect how much time the new parent has for their friends. Now, I know we don't actually know from this whether the friend has children, it is not mentioned. But from the information we do have, the fact the the OP needs to spend a lot of time doing childcare and this is unchangeable fact should be acknowledged. 2. The main thrust of this advice is that the OP is somehow looking at their conflict  in an overly white way. I understand why Kai wrote it this way, because it's kind of a right wing talking point, that people of colour will manipulate using their race and you can just ignore it. This is of course gross and no one would want to imply this. I do not think the OP wants to imply this and I think OP is already pretty aware of these dynamics. However, reading this you might think that friendships between white people and people of colour (or between a more marginilised and a more privileged person) could never, ever work. Despite the protestations to the contrary, I think this advice encourages an unhealthy amount of eggshell walking.                             The truth is the friend of the OP is hurting, and feels she has not been supported by the OP in her bereavements that happened during the height of the pandemic. Her feelings have gone unexpressed for a long time and have built. In one way the OP can never truly make up for this because she can't go back in time and be there for her friend during those times. Listening to the friend's grievances is difficult for her because they become very emotionally charged. Whether or not OP subconsciously is experiencing this as more difficult because the friend is a woman of colour, the outcome is the same, and OP will not improve anything by being a space for her friend to vent into. I fundamentally do not want the OP to get the impression from the advice given that it would be at all useful for them to attempt this, or that it would be a good thing for social justice or their duty as a white person. 3. I feel that Kai could have suggested something like: maybe the OP asks her friend to write her a letter, expressing all her feelings, and that she will read it and reply, also in a text medium. Sometimes text is easier when emotions run high. I don't know, maybe this is a very privileged suggestion of me or something, but it is clear that the OP crying and the friend shouting is not working for either of them. (Also re: crying- as a former constant crier who is now on the right meds and doesn't any more, I do NOT argue with the idea that my tears could leverage oppression against people of colour, and it doesn't matter what the reason for it is for that to happen, but......involuntary tears are for the most part treated as unprofessional in workplace scenarios, and embarrassing for all in the room. It can really suck, and OP I feel for you on that count. 2nd assurance that I'm well aware there are scenarios where tears from a white person could manipulate racial hatred, including if the tears are involuntary! Good thing I do not do it any more, this is a constant relief to me. Anyway..) The implication that white, middle class people are uncomfortable with yelling and plain speaking in interpersonal conflict is very strange to me. They may be uncomfortable with this in certain scenarios, but trust me my white middle class parents were perfectly fine with yelling at their kids. I don't know the OP's class background, but it sounds like her white parents liked to yell too. I understand the need to emphasise that yelling is not the worst thing that can happen, and that the friend may experience the OP's request for no yelling or swearing as a function of their white privilege. However I STILL don't think this was a boundary that was wrong for OP to try to set. 4. OP, please do not feel that the only 'right' thing in this scenario is for you to continue being friends, your friend is angry about you being out of touch when you needed her, and you will never truly be able to make it right but you must keep trying. This dynamic would be incredibly toxic for both you and your friend. I do think a sincerely expressed apology that expresses the facts without excuses would be a good thing if you haven't already sent one: 'friend, I am sorry I wasn't there for you when you really needed me. I regret this very much and I know you're still hurting. I really care about you and really want you to continue to be in my life.' Stick to the facts and don't self flagellate- despite what columns like this one suggest, people do not really want this. Do it via a text medium as it can be easier if things are becoming very emotional. It's not a solution, your friendship may still not survive in the end, but you will have said the truth of how you feel about your friend. From there, resist any attempt by your friend to bring you into a cylce of you listening to venting and becoming upset. This will not lead ANYWHERE good. You suffering does not help marginilised people.                              Relationships across privilege dynamics always need to have awareness, tact and self reflection from the more privileged person, but I honestly feel that when the 2 people become nothing more than those two roles, one oppressor and one oppress-ee, the friendship cannot survive. The theories your friend is using as a framework are real, but they are about overall dynamics and systems, and things will always be affected by more factors with two individual humans and how they relate to each other.                              Good luck, and my love to both you and your friend.                                

I feel like both internet liberals and leftists have a tendency to reverse-Great Man Theory Ronald Reagan at the expense of any insight into the history of his policies or the conservative movement that led up to him.

Post-game Durge and Astarion travel to Waterdeep where Professor Dekarios gives his class a special extra credit project: Cure a Vampire Spawn.

Is this anything? I feel like this has potential.

legacy of someone lost

Fiona and Cake spoilers seriously

(Something I noticed abt Betty and Simons relationship)

I love Betty and Simon’s relationship, I think their back story is so cute and romantic and all that lovely stuff don’t get me wrong.

But there’s this under tone of Betty constantly giving things up for Simon and we don’t really talk about it a lot???

Like, Betty let Simon have his moment with the artifact and the pubic, she also doesn’t go to her trip in favor of going on an expedition with Simon. Then when she goes to leave again she stays for Simon.

Even Fiona is like “you went with her on the bus?” And Simon just looks all confused like “what? No, why would I do that?” Like- hello???

Then after that she gave up her entire life and mind to get Simon back to the point where she literally says “I don’t know who I am without him anymore.” And that just sucks! Since the beginning Betty has been the one giving up the most, her mind, her own possible career, and it’s a story of love of course and it’s very sweet but it’s also a story of sacrifice.

Their love wasn’t a perfect solution, it was already sort of imbalanced when it started and I lowkey love how we see those cracks even before they’re together.

Again, I love their relationship and I think it’s sweet. I just think we should talk about Betty’s side more, especially when she tells a story of what most women do in relationships, sacrifice.

"What's cookin', good lookin'?"

AKA I love how unhinged both Alfred and Bunet are and I want to study their brains.

imagine you're Hunter. Just imagine it. Leader of a squad, now a trio.

Original oldest of four, now down to one.

One is with the enemy you know couldn't care less because that's where he felt seen, felt heard, felt useful and accepted. With the enemy. He told you that you failed. That everyone was going to die because of your failures. When given the choice between going with you and waiting on the ruins of of your broken home, he chose solitude. Nothing you said could convince him. You lost a brother.

One couldn't let go, either. Saw an opportunity to fight back and took it readily. One needed to keep being a soldier, helping brothers who never helped you. Fighting an enemy that decimated cities and planets without mercy. A power you knew no one could beat. One still wanted to fight, you wanted to live. Both wasn't an option, and you had to let him go. Let him go fight a fight you knew he would lose.

One is dead. All that remains is a broken piece of him. No body, nothing salvaged aside from this once piece. For all your talk of not wanting to fight, he led you straight into another one, and didn't meet you on the other side. A sacrifice you could hardly live up to. And no one would ever know. He'd have died only to them, just another statistic to anyone who cared to ask. A number on the growing death count.

And her. Her, who you fought so hard to keep. Her, who was only starting to learn how to be a child, now lost to the very people you swore she'd never have to see again. Her, who was lost trying to save you. You had to watch them fly away. With her. To who knows where, alone. Any promise you had made to her was shattered instantly.

Imagine being Hunter. You're guilty, you're angry, you're scared. You've lost everything you've ever known, from the gruelling normalcy of war to the only family you've ever had. Everything has burned, leaving you to sort the wreckage. With an even more broken team, you have to try salvage what you can, as the leader, as the oldest.

Imagine that.

28|04|2024

I rarely journal on Sundays because it's my rest day of the week so I don't get much done. Today I didn't get much done either but my head is full of thoughts and this is a good way to let them out, as well as to remind myself that bad days happen and it's okay. To be fair the whole week was bad, and I am still in a ill mood. The weather is not helping at all, it feels like it's November with so much rain and cold, and I have no energy whatsoever. I did take the day to rest, I finished the book I was reading, read some comics, listened to comforting podcasts. I did everything that usually makes me happy but my mood didn't improve, it just got worse as the day went by. I have been feeling nauseous and sick all day and anxious and I don't know if my bad mood comes from my body being unwell or if it's the other way around. I decided to give myself the freedom to decide last minute if this week I want to atten to lectures. It would be a short week made of only two lectures overall, and I decided to skip them I am just going to sens an email to the professor asking her if there's materials I can read to fill in what I miss in class. Part of me wants to force me going no matter what, but I am trying to learn how to listen to my body and look for alternatives when I can. We'll see what tomorrow me will feel and what I'll decide to do.

me every time i enter the lmk fandom tag

Something something about Buck and learning and or teaching.

Something something about Buck teaching when he really needed to be learning.

I just keep thinking about how the show has increasingly - especially last season - put Buck into the role of 'teacher' - including his coma dream. (i'm using teacher for the lack of a better term!) and how in the aftermath of the coma dream - he's been trying to teach but it hasn't worked - instead he's been learning.

I've been musing on the fact that even back in season 1 Buck has been in a teacher role -

Abby learning to chose herself and go for her happiness,

Bobby learning to let people in and Buck being a major part of that because of their developing father-son type relationship

'teaching' Eddie that he could rely on other people for help

Maddie learning at Bucks hand that she didn't need to keep running, that she could lean on him for support and build a new life for herself

Ravi being tutored by Buck in the fire house

even Lucy being given advice by Buck - teaching her through his own experiences in dumb luck

Buck making himself into a teacher in his coma dream and the idea that all these people he has helped teach teaching him that he has a place with them and that he is important

and so many more examples through the seasons that I won't list or I'd be here forever!

Because there has been a lot of emphasis on teaching and learning since Buck woke up from his coma - he learnt he was good at maths, but then wasn't allowed to help Chris with his maths homework because it would be cheating.

used his maths skills to win at Poker - but got taught lessons even in victory - rather than teaching others lessons (whatever they might have been)

Natalia being interested in him because he could teach her about death and things going south pretty quickly when it became evident that Buck needed to learn how to live again rather than be stuck in death

And now we've had several mentions by Tommy of him teaching Buck things - teaching him to fly, teaching him Mauy Thai, all the way to him being his bi awakening is teaching him about a part of himself he didn't know. Things are turned on their head - Buck is the student not the master now

Even with Eddie this season, we've seen him teaching Buck things - rather than Eddie learning from him - Eddie handing over this really important thing going on with Chris - Eddie knowing that Buck would be a better option - that Chris would open up to him more - is teaching Buck about his importance in the Diaz family - re-enforcing that he is part of their life. Its also Eddie who has had the good advice for Buck this time rather than the other way round.

Something something about 'you like to be the guy with the answers' to Buck becoming the guy with the (maths) answers - only for it to fade away and now he's having to learn

Something something about the tie to Buck and death and the resurrection and how Christ was the teacher up to and immediately after his death and resurrection when he left others on earth to spread his teachings and he ascended to learn at the right hand of god

Something something about how that is the key to happiness and that is what Buck has figured out and that is why his journey to figuring that out has had him wearing the bright blue - because in Christianity - that shade of blue is the colour of the kingdom of heaven (because it is the colour of the sky!) so putting Buck in it at all these key markers of his journey is showing him as being on the road to ascension.

This post is a mess - I don't even know what it is any more! I started with one idea about teaching and Tommy and then more kept coming and we ended up here!!!!

YOU'RE THE ONE THAT CAN SAVE ME FROM MYSELF:

barbatos wakes, hundreds of years after the cataclysm, and walks tevyet to witness the aftermath. in snezhnaya, miles away from mondstadt, he meets a man with familiar red curls on the verge of death.

(really, this is a venti character study wrapped in a shiny diluven bow, but shhhhh)

(also! heavily inspired by this fanart by my absolute favorite diluven artist @burquillos !!)

I'm right

one of these day i will write nancy with such specific religious trauma and none of you will be able to stop me.

dean winchester will shoot himself in the foot because he's evil and horrible and bad and he deserves to be shot in the foot and also no one will actually do it. but also he's so mad that he is the one getting shot in the foot bc he's always trying to do the right thing!!! he deserves to not be shot in the foot!! but like if he didn't get shot in the foot he will start digesting his own organs bc he doesn't deserve to not be shot in the foot, and the longer he goes without shooting himself in the foot, the more of his stomach disappears he is literally eating himself so he shoots himself in the foot and then he stands there and is like. well. see. life is like this. of course i got shot in the foot. this is inevitable.

Guilt in its entirety

So I saw this towards the end of Working on a song and it completely tore out my heart, now you all must suffer with me. It is the original-original ending song.

It’s so- ow. It’s beautiful and absolutely devastating. There’s a certain angst that makes my angst hungry heart full.

Additionally this cut verse from If it’s true-

OW. He’s a poet at heart even with his pain. Also it’s yet another reference to his myth/canon(?) death of being torn apart… only here it’s more emotional and personal and wanting for it. Which hhhhhhgh it hurts so good.

Bonus-

Persephone is not his mom. But it also makes sense for her to have the part because having Calliope for one song doesn’t really make sense. Also don’t be embarrassed those are good- I like how the older drafts really have a lot more mention of the other gods? It sort of fleshes out the universe even if they’re not in final versions.

ok listen. i know hbomberguy said he doesnt wanna become the type of youtube who spends their time doing drama videos or ruining ppl careers but like. if somebody doesnt start doing crazy detailed research on ryan hall, yall then i will