I am a writer.

I started writing for the first time in over 18 years on the 2nd September this year. Only 25 days later, I have written 17 chapters, 58,503 words, my story read by 4,141 people, and have readers begging for more.

Now let me come to my point - what I am writing is fanfiction. And immediately this seems to discredit the effort, the hard work, the quality, the content - definitely not seen as proper writing. I'm not a proper writer. Because if it can't be turned into something I can make money from, if the ideas and characters aren't all my own, none of it is valid. I've been asked why I'm wasting my time on it when I could be writing something real (what they mean is something I can profit from).

The reason I picked up the figurative pen and began writing again is because I was so inspired by a pair of characters that I wanted to delve into them and learn them, elaborate on them, build a world around them. Writing about them brings me deep joy, finding beautiful words and painting a picture with them that makes not only me but my readers weep is a kind of magic I thought I had lost long ago, back when I still believed in love and people basically being good and all that shit. To know I still have that power, that I am making other people FEEL just through what I have to say, has brought me back from a very, very dark place.

Maybe I'll write my own stuff some day. Maybe I won't. But what I do know is that I will never do anything that's THIS difficult and all-consuming if it doesn't give me joy, or bring joy to others. I do it because I can't not do it. Because the story is screaming to be told, and I do my best to find the words to tell it.

A month ago I wondered what would happen if I turned the wheel of my car and flew off a bridge.

Today, I sat in St James' Park and wrote part of a beautiful chapter about a demon who has been rejected, abandoned and feels he is unworthy of love, who pushes people away, who cringes away from everything good because he knows he will ruin it like he ruins everything, who refuses to accept kindness because he feels he doesn't deserve it. As I wrote, I healed us both.

And it was a good day.

in his primadonna girl* era 😌✨

(*playing the damsel in distress and getting locked in a tower in the middle of the french revolution so his boyfriend can rescue him from being beheaded 😏)

Thinking about them again @asleepyy

is it perfect? nope. did I learn? yep. did I have fun? absolutely.

aziraphale sketch study, using notes by the marvelous @mrghostrat, with the restriction of only spending 15 minutes.

final with color and lineart

the notes I referenced:

No you don't understand, if Aziraphale or Crowley actually die in s3, even for like five seconds, do you have any idea what that could mean? Consider, the Almighty actually listening for once, hearing the pleas of whoever remained alive and doing something about it. Like vavoom, resurrection bitches.

But not just any resurrection.

Imagine, God taking a little piece of Crowley/Aziraphale and giving it to whichever one died so that they are BOTH BOUND TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY. IT'S SOMETHING SO INTIMATE AND IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! Or, you could say, it's like Eve being formed from Adam except that this time there's no ribs involved but wings. Yes, wings.

Aziraphale and Crowley would now have one of the other's wings as a visual reminder of their special union. One white wing, one black wing. They aren't demons, they aren't angels, they're something unspeakable. Something absolutely INEFFABLE!! And God uses this to teach Her creation about what it means to love one another.

God: Stop fighting. Don't destroy the world. I never okay'd that blueprint!! Love each other or else. Bye!

And She fucks off for another 6000 years or so. Meanwhile Aziraphale and Crowley are like did the Almighty just marry us WHAT HAPPENED.

Yes. Yes she did. She's the biggest AziraCrow shipper.

So all things must continue as they were (except for The Metatron running heaven, he's been thrown in celestial jail) only now things are better. Heaven isn't a bad place anymore, and Hell becomes liveable and they get Wifi (finally).

What does any of this mean? Not sure. God's plan is ineffable after all. You can't know it. Even I don't know what I'm talking about. Please don't take this seriously I haven't had my morning coffee.

pages one and two of a comic exploring the idea that the whole ball plot was created by aziraphale so he could dance with crowley (ongoing)

This picture is either currently being used as a bookmark in one of the books that NEVER leaves Aziraphale's desk, or is carefully clipped into the Bentley's sun visor. Neil needs to tell me which in season 3

"Not the Last"

I like to think that even if all the European/Middle Eastern unicorns were lost in the Flood, Crowley went to China or Japan and found some kirin/qilin still hanging around. :3

Just had two of the sweetest thoughts, and, of course, it's about the ineffable idiots.

What about when they are finally reunited they don't say a word. They just embrace each other, relieved to have their other half back. Because for all of the miscommunication between them, they don't need words to express themselves in that moment.

And what about when they finally kiss, it's not raining. You heard me right : It's. Not. Raining. Rain is too violent, messy, chaotic and uncomfortable for this. No, they need something nicer. Something sweet and light, poetic and magical, something as pure as their love for each other. The kind of weather you don't have to take shelter from, nor protect each other of. Something they can enjoy. It's snowing, and they're finally in peace.

Do you see the vision ?

I'd sell my soul for someone to draw this so that I can print it and enjoy it (and worship you) everyday until season 3 ? Please, pretty please 🥺

I hate when I'm reading fanfic of a non-american show, and the author makes the main character american. like no, please stop. americans belong in american media and nowhere else. I would even argue it's inhuman to put Americans in a non-native habitat like derry girls

I’ve already attached this to a re-blog, but it feels like something that I want to post as a standalone as well. Sometimes I scream into the tumblr void about shit. Thanks to a gifted copy of The Body Keeps the Score I’m doing more DIY therapy work and processing some of my thoughts through the interwebs. So here’s a brain thing.

🎶Let’s talk about projection baby, let’s talk about you and me!!🎶 All joking aside, so many of us who deal with CPTSD use fictional works to process our trauma. We are outsourcing emotions and memories that we, for whatever reason, struggle to deal with unless there is some remove from the immediacy of them. We seek to find ourselves in characters, parallels in stories and situations for our own experiences. We live their struggles and triumphs as our own and so find catharsis within them. Aziraphale as a character is a particularly good example of this. He’s doing the thing so many of us who are trying to convince everyone else and ourselves that “we’re FINE, thank you!” do. He isn’t really processing his shit. He’s putting it on a third party to release some pressure before he completely loses it. And in so doing, us the audience, have gained a character that we both empathize and sympathize with, and in turn, use to work through much of our own trauma. I honestly think that’s why so many of us are waiting for S3 with bated breath. We need Az to figure it out. We need them both to heal. To defeat the odds. To find happiness. We’re all waiting for that because we need to believe that it’s something we can have too. If this Angel who foists 6 millennia of grief and rage and maddening questions about the “why” of everything off into an entire bookshop’s worth of stories and characters, if he can figure it out…surely we can too. Surely there is hope for us buried somewhere in the stacks. Surely there is some understanding that can be found, some catharsis or healing within the lines of these narratives. So we’re all holding our breath, our hope and our hearts, in our hands, waiting to finish the story, and in so doing, complete some part of ourselves. Finally framing those cracks where the light comes in, into something beautiful.

"but rescuing me makes him so happy!" [inconsolable sobbing]

when you don't know anything at all, and yet

(aka what if after season 2 heaven takes aziraphale's memories too)

I know I don’t really have followers but I’m posting on here anyway.

Shortish version is last summer (thanks to Good Omens and its fandom) I realized that I’m aspec and panromantic. Realizing this has been so freeing! I feel like myself for the first time in my life.

I’ve been wanting to move for a while, but this is what solidified me getting serious about it (kinda long to get into but can). My mom is SO supportive of the move. She said for the first time I sound confident and hopeful. But I haven’t told her WHY I sound that way.

I’m turning 36 this week, and I’m terrified, especially because of my age, she’s going to think that it’s a phase (long explanation short, she’s criticized me my whole life about having no impulse control and that I can’t stick with careers and my moods are fleeting). I don’t know how I’d do this move without her, but also I’m so scared of the hurt of her being skeptical or dismissive.

To get to the still long point! Not gonna do the like “500 notes and I’ll tell her” thing, just throwing this out into the universe that by some miracle, someone will see this and even one person can help be a support for building up the nerve to tell her.

GOMENS TUMBRL FANDOM HI HELLO I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THAT I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY I LOVE CHRISTMAS IM SO SO HAPPY OHMYGOD IM GONNA CRY

idk about you guys but i was born in the right generation:

♥︎ i love rewatching good omens always when life is shit

♥︎ i love watching my favourite gomens edits over and over again

♥︎ i love reading fanfiction about them until the words don't make sense anymore

♥︎ i love being able to interact with other fans

♥︎ i love admiring others fanart

♥︎ i love the fact i find comfort in this show and i can use it to escape my life