#god the more we learn the messier it gets...i love this freak | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

generallybarzy · 3 years

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hey there, stranger. ix

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight

an: it took a bit to perfect this, but here’s christmas morning!!!!!!! I’m sorry it took so long and isn’t even that long, this is all I could get done. Are you ready to see what they got each other for christmas? And are you ready for the surprise that happens later? Are Mat and the Reader ready for the surprise, or will they freak out? We’ll see. This beginning scene is one of my favorite parts EVER it’s so cute and I hope you think the same!!!

taglist: @selenophileangel @deleausvp @dunnwithlyfe @smit41 @softboybarzal @fallinallincurls @matbaerzal @brokeninsidebutnobodyknows @hockeyhughes11 @folkloreflyers @nazdaddy @shawnsreputation @comphybiscuit @aboveaveragehockeyboys @canadianheaters @ifiwasshawnmendesidslapmyself @baby-cat-nol-pat

word count: 3.6k

Last time you woke up in someone else’s bed, you were anxious.

Today, when you returned into reality from your dream land- which now looked a lot like your real life- and could already feel the sun- despite the lack of warmth- shining through Mat’s window and landing on your exposed skin, and even though it was chilly and wintery and you were in bed with this man for only the second time ever, you couldn’t feel happier. You couldn’t feel safer. You couldn’t feel more comfortable. And this morning, you knew you weren’t going to run away.

You opened your eyes to find the source of the comfortable weight on your body, gentle, sleepy breaths hitting your neck and the soft locks of dark hair tickling your skin. Mathew was splayed out across your body, head on your chest with your fingers knotted securely into his hair- dark and unruly against the white bedsheets. You pulled the thick duvet up further on the both of you, craving a little bit more warmth before you’d have to face the day together. You brought a hand to his cheek, tilting his face up to look at him- his brow, relaxed and gentle in his slumber, his pretty cheekbones and jawline that you always found yourself marvelling, and the plush, pink lips that you always swore were much too beautiful for any man. But perfect for him.

Your fingers traced along the contours of his skin, all the way from his dark hair to his temples, down his cheekbones, and flattening on his cheeks. It was about time for him to shave again, as he hadn’t in a few days and his face was getting a little bit scratchy. You weren’t shallow, of course not. Mat was so much more than his appearance, but here, in this soft moment, you couldn’t help but admire how beautiful your boyfriend was. And you took account of every little detail, how beautiful his eyelashes were, the arch of his brow, his cute chin, every stray freckle like on the corner of his chin, every little scar like the one on the bridge of his nose or his forehead from years of playing hockey and every imperfection that was so, so beautiful, and made Mat, Mat.

His face twitched as you continued to drag your fingers across his warm skin, smiling as he woke up. And when his eyes finally met yours, sleepy and half-lidded under pretty eyelashes, you fell even more in love.

Love.

“Morning, bubs.”

“Mmm. Merry Christmas.” The words were mumbled against your skin, followed by a sweet kiss to your throat.

“Oh! I forgot about that.”

He chuckles. Ah, the first laugh of the day. “How could you forget about Christmas?”

“I was preoccupied.” With admiring you.

“What’s more important to remember than Christmas morning?”

“You.”

Mat’s head lifted up, his eyes widening slightly in awe and surprise at the way you said it, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. As if of course he should know he’s more important than Christmas. As if you’d known it forever, and it was fact.

“Why do you look so shocked? You’re pretty.” Mat did nothing but shake his head and lean up closer to you, begging for a kiss. “Mat, we have morning breath.”

“I don’t care. Kiss.”

` He pushed himself up on his elbows and crawled up your body, his hair falling down over his forehead and his lips curled up in a smirk. He planted his mouth against yours softly, lazily and sweet, just savoring the way you moved against him. You reached up to tuck a hair behind his ear as he leaned back, eyes running over you. “Wow.”

“So, we opening presents or what?”

“Slow down there, Maty. Let’s brush our teeth first.”

“Race you to the bathroom.” Always competitive, Mat stumbled out of bed, dragging the blanket along and slipping and falling on the hardwood floor, getting back up quickly with a dorky, cheesy smile. “Oops.”

“We have all day, baby. No rush.”

All day. With you.

Mat smiled. “Right. We’ll take it easy, then.”

After brushing your teeth, standing next to each other in the mirror and giggling through your toothpaste, you headed out to the living room, sitting down in front of the tree like little kids on Christmas morning, Mat's long legs folded beneath him, and grabbing the wrapped packaged in your hands. You handed Mat a small box, and he handed you one, much larger than yours. For a moment, you were insecure. He must have gotten you something huge, and you only have this tiny, tiny thing. But the smile on his face didn't give you much time to be worried.

“You first.” He nudged you, urging you towards the box.

“No, Mat, you already gave me a present last night. Now it’s your turn.”

He smiled a bit, giddy and excited, and turned the box over in his hands. “It’s wrapped so pretty. How’d you do that?” You watched his long fingers as he delicately tore the paper away and popped the top off of the little box. Settled in a little bed of paper, lay a tiny, rectangular pendant. Mat was silent for a few moments, just looking at it, before he took it in his palm gently, as if it were glass rather than stainless steel, and lifted it up and read the tiny engraving.

40.6602° N, 73.9690° W

He felt a little embarrassed to ask, but he needed to know. “What does that mean?”

“We met at that little cafe not far from my school, near Prospect Park, right? These are the coordinates. Like, on a map. You put in these numbers and it’s the place we first saw each other.” Slowly, as the words came tumbling out, Mat’s jaw fell open. He glanced back at the pendant, then to you, and back at the pendant, his eyes wide and in awe. Before he could say anything, you continued. “Flip it over.” He shook his head as if surprised there was more, and quickly turned it over.

10/12/2019. “Hey there, stranger.”

“Our anniversary.”

“And our first words to each other...” Mat looked up, his eyes wide and jaw hanging. "Baby…"

"It's a pendant, you can put it on a keychain or wear it as a necklace or whatever you want to do. But I hope it'll always remind you of me." Mat didn't even know what to say. You had given him easily the most meaningful thing he'd ever received, and he was at a loss for words.

"Baby…" He leaned closer to you and lifted his hand to pull you in, cupping your cheek gently and softly and planting his lips against yours. His mouth spoke against yours, not words, but just a silent promise that this love was worth it. All the hard work you put in to learn how to be comfortable around him, and all of Mat struggling to slow down for you and take his time in showing you how much he loved you, it was all worth it. When you broke apart, breathing your love across each other's faces, he pulled the chain he was wearing from beneath his shirt and clipped the pendant on the end. "Always close to my heart, alright?"

"You like it?"

"Like it?" He scoffed. "Baby, this is the most meaningful gift I've ever gotten."

"Really?" You glowed again, happy that you could touch his heart like that. He nodded, pulling you to sit practically in his lap. "Sorry, I was having trouble deciding what to get you and then I was out of time, and this is all I got you-"

"Well, it's amazing."

After a few moments of sweet nuzzling affection, you kissed his cheek. "Can I open mine now?"

A spark of worry ran through Mat's veins for a moment. There was no way his gift would be able to match yours in how meaningful it was. He thought for a moment, trying to figure out what he could say, upset with himself for not getting you something more special. Something more personal. You deserved more than what he got you. "Uhh, well it's not actually much. Definitely not as good as your gift."

"Well, you bought it for me, so it’s automatically important to me."

Your words brought a hesitant smile to his face. "Okay."

Mat let out a breath and watched as you took the package in your hands. His wrapping was much messier than yours, and the present itself wasn't even in a box. He felt a little bit self conscious as you tore away the paper and revealed the heavy, blue fabric. Immediately, the white lettering stuck out to you.

BARZAL

"Oh my god, Mat."

"Yeah?"

You unfolded the jersey and picked it up, revealing the large 13 on the back and the Islanders crest on the front.

"You were wearing my hoodie at the last game you were at, and as much as I loved to see that, I think my biggest fan deserves something more. And, hopefully, you're gonna be coming to a lot more of my games." You could tell Mat a little bashful, something unusual for him, as he scratched the back of his neck and smiled at you, a soft, delicate smile that you hadn’t seen before. So full of love. "Sorry, you got me something so amazing that’s about the two of us… and I got you something about me. I kinda feel like a dick. I could’ve gotten you something more meaningful."

“No, no, Mat.” Your heart pounded in your chest and as you pulled the jersey on over the hoodie of his you were wearing. Then, swallowed up by the blue material, you smiled. “I love it.”

Mat watched you with absolute adoration in his eyes as you sported his jersey- his name and number across your back, the proud smile on your face as you pointed to the 13 in your arm and said “That’s my boyfriend.” His heart throbbed in his chest when you said you loved it, and his jaw dropped open at the sight of you, tugging at the way-too-long sleeves. Fuck-

“-you look so cute right now…” He didn’t realize the words tumbled out of his mouth until it was too late, but the way you were beaming up at him told him it wasn’t a mistake.

“You’re pretty cute, too.”

“Not as much as you.”

“Bet.”

Mat pulled you into his lap with a soft laugh, his arms snug around your waist, and you lifted your hands, the long sleeves of Mat’s jersey making paws as you cupped his cheeks and pulled his face towards yours in a gentle smooch. He lifted you easily in his arms, smiling into the kiss as you squealed at the motion. When your smiles became too teethy and giggly to continue, he nibbled at your ear and dropped you onto the pillows on the couch. He looked down at you, sprawled out on the couch with flushed cheeks and a grin, and knew that this was the sexiest you’ve ever been. Wearing his clothes, huge, baggy sweats and his jersey absolutely swallowing your form. There’s no other way he’d rather have it right now, and, if he didn’t know already, that was the moment he knew he loved you.

“The Bachelor? Or a Christmas movie?”

“Whatever you want, baby.”

After settling on a movie, Mat curled up on the couch next to you, pulling you back against his body. You lay together in silence for some time, neither of you knew how long, but the feeling of being so close against each other was just too timeless. Neither of you cared how long you were there or how much time had passed in comfortable silence, but when you rolled around to Mat and pressed a slow kiss against his smile, the soft cuddle-session took a turn.

Your arms wound around his waist and pulled him tight against you. He laughed at your boldness and leaned down over your body to plant another kiss against your lips, firmer and more passionate than the one before, pulling back only to lock eyes with you. When he was met with a shy little smile and your teeth pulling at your bottom lip, your hands finding the hair at the back of his neck, he leaned back down in compliance.

His body was heavy and warm on top of yours, covering you up like a weighted blanket as he kissed at your neck and throat. His hands were big on your waist, rough and heavy, slipping under all the fabric and squeezing your warm skin. He pulled you closer, his hands dipping further down your body as he found your lips again, nudging softly at your lips with his tongue, a question, a plead.

And you let him in.

He kissed into you, his mouth exploring your mouth, and you hummed in response at the feeling of his tongue against yours, murmuring secrets to you, letting you forget for a moment that he’d done this with plenty of other girls, you’re not special, you’re not his first like he is for you-

-but damn, it feels good for the moment.

You knew you weren’t ready for this, as much as you wanted this right now, you knew it wasn’t what you needed. Not yet. But it felt so nice, and you let yourself skin back into his touch.

His hands slipped down your legs, gripping the back of your thighs through the sweatpants and lifting them to wrap around his hips as he bent closer down to you, one large, rough palm slipping under the jersey and hoodie you were wearing and up your warm skin, and that’s when your breath hitched in your throat. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but you wanted to push him away. As much as you loved him and you loved this moment, you wanted to tell him to stop. But before you could do anything, his phone started vibrating on the coffee table.

He tried to ignore it at first, but when it continued endlessly, he sat back and looked down at you, flushed cheeks and boyish smile, before leaning over to grab it.

“Ohhh.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s, ugh, my sister.” He cleared his throat, still flustered from what was happening a few moments earlier, held his phone up to his ear and you laughed when you heard multiple voices cheering for him in the background. “Hey, hey, what’s up?… No, what'd ya mean? Forgot what?..... Okay, okay, damn. Hold on, I’ll get on. One sec’.” He hung up the phone with a laugh and reached for his laptop on the coffee table.

“What was that?”

He laughed and scratched the back of his neck, flustered, opening up the video chat request. “I, uhh, it was my family. I forgot about the Facetime we usually have if I’m not home during the holidays.”

“Aww…” You smiled and nudged his bicep. “That’s sweet. They’re checking up on you.”

“Yeah.” Mat’s cursor hovered over the join button on his laptop. “Um, do you wanna…. Uhh, meet them? You don’t have to if you don’t want yet.” You shrugged and scooted to the end of the couch, and Mat nodded, understanding. He gave you a soft smile and connected to the call, and immediately you could see the faces of his family gathered around on the other side, even if they couldn’t see you.

“Merry Christmas sweetie!”

“Took you long enough to get on here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mat shrugged at his sister’s words, glancing over at you for a brief second. “I was preoccupied.”

You watched him chat with his family and watch them open their presents for a bit, enjoying seeing how smiley and happy he was with them. It was obvious to you how much he loved his family, and, just like way back on your first date when you watched him interact with the waitress and knew he was a great guy, this was such a good sign. His family was so lovely and sweet, and part of you wanted to say ‘hi’. Your own family had never been this cute and supportive, they barely celebrated the holidays, let alone call you on Christmas. Part of you wanted to be a part of Mat’s family, to get this type of comfort and support.

When you refocused back on Mat, you were met with his own soft hazel eyes, watching you gently, with a warm smile. You hadn’t even realized that his family went quiet until you heard his sister speak up.

“Wait. what was that?”

He looked back quickly. “Huh?”

“You keep glancing over. Is someone there?”

“Uhh…”

“Oh!” You heard his mother exclaim. “Mathew, is it that girl you keep telling us about?”

“I, uhh-”

“Spending Christmas together, eh?” His father joined in on the teasing while Mat glanced over at you with worried eyes. You didn’t even need him to speak to know what he was asking. Do you want to be known? Do you want to meet my family? When you hesitated, he turned back to the screen.

“No, ahh, it’s just, I’m looking outside, it’s snowing…”

“No way.”

“C’mon, Maty!”

“Um.” Before Mat could get even more pressured by his family, you scooted over on the couch, nudging his thigh with your foot. At your touch, he glanced over, and you nodded at him. Take a risk, you told yourself. Open up. He deserves it. His eyes lit up, eyebrows lifting in question. You smiled at him and inched closer, and his eyes didn’t leave yours as he spoke to his family. “Okay, uhh. Yeah, you’re right.” He opened his arm for you and let you come in close on camera. “This is (Y/N), my-” he could barely finish the sentence before his family was yelling in joy. “My girlfriend.”

“Oh, you two look so cute together!!” His mom seemed to be the most excited, swooning over how cute you looked together. “Oh, Maty, this is the girl you’ve been talking about so much?”

“That’s me.”

“He talks about you soooo much. It’s almost annoying.” His sister teased him with a smile.

“Shut up.” Mat groaned. “You’re just jealous.”

“Mathew.” his mom scolded him, and you couldn’t help but laugh at all their antics.

“Aww just look at the way they look at each other. All smiley.” His sister and mom continued to swoon over the two of you.

“So that’s why you’ve been blowing off our holiday plans?” His dad joined in lightheartedly. “Your mom and I used to do that too.”

“Yeah?” Mat laughed, his arm squeezing around your body and his eyes finding yours. “Sorry about that. Didn’t want to leave her.” You flushed at the way he was so open about you to his family, openly showing how affectionate you were with each other. And it was making you dizzy with happiness to see how much his family already seemed to love and accept you.

“You shoulda brought her out here to visit for Christmas!”

“Ah, it’s a little soon for that.”

“When did you meet?”

“How did you meet?”

The questions kept rolling in, and while you got a little flustered and shy, Mat easily answered all of them, glancing over at you before each answer to make sure you were still okay with it. He detailed the first time you met, and hearing it all in his words, realizing that he had felt just as nervous and excited leading up to it just made your heart throb. After not too long, the Barzal family decided that they’d leave the two of you to enjoy your Christmas, logging off with one final: “Love you Maty, be safe kids!”

When Mat closed his laptop and looked over to you, you both noticed the bright blushes on each other’s cheek, and how you couldn’t stop from smiling. Even as he saw your flustered look and bright cheeks, he laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry. I, uhh, forgot I was gonna get called by them. I would’ve warned you, or-”

“No, no.” You leaned into him, pressing your nose against his shoulder and breathing in his scent, the smell of his fabric softener and yesterday’s cologne clinging to the fabric of his hoodie. “I actually didn’t mind. I’m happy I met them.”

“Yeah? I was worried it would scare you away.”

“Not at all. They’re so nice. I can see where you came from. It’s amazing.”

“That’s good.” His big arms wound around your waist and pulled you closer to him, lying back against the couch once again. “Maybe I’ll meet yours soon?”

Your mind wandered a bit, wondering what it would be like when he met your family. He would definitely be the one scared away then. There was no way he’d want to put up with you after seeing where you came from, the dysfunction, the yelling, the anger. You never wanted Mat to see that, you never wanted him to see a glimpse into what your past was. “Maybe.”

He caught your hesitation, though, and leaned down to press his lips to your forehead. “Only when you’re ready, babe.”

There were no more words exchanged as Mat leaned back with you tucked against him, closing his eyes and kissing your head again. There didn’t need to be any words- you both understood the silent promise from a few weeks ago, when you swore you would take it slow and Mat would stop pushing things. He knew, and you knew, and though you understood he was trying his best, you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his big, rough hand slid up under your shirt earlier, across your warm skin, so confidently, and the way your breath hitched and your heart stopped and your brain went blurry. Mat wanted it. He wanted to rush things so fast, you knew that. He wasn’t one to hold back his feelings, you’d learned that early on. You wanted him, you wanted to trust him like that, but you couldn’t. And as much as you knew Mat wanted it, you weren’t ready. Not yet. And you weren’t sure when you would be.

But for now, you’d just enjoy your boyfriend, and enjoy these perfect, beautiful moments together, while you still could.

#mat barzal #nhl fanfiction #mathew barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal reader insert #mat barzal fanfiction #reader insert #op #fic

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avversiera-writes · 3 years

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try again; in every day we breathe life [tobirama senju/you] - chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Now

Summary: Tobirama’s secret disquisition is taking a toll on him. More of a comfort chapter.

Word count: ~3k

available on AO3.

Tobirama massages the bridge of his nose as the words on the paper in front of him starts to blur into incoherent sentences. Tremors plague his hands too often now, and his chest often feels tight. He knows these are signs that he is very fatigued and that he lacks sleep–these days, he has simply stopped sleeping altogether. The energy that he rides on is the hope that he can finish his secret disquisition, so that finally he can rest. He just needs to do this one last thing.

The events of the year had spurred him on to throw himself on his Edo Tensei . He feels that this is the only way he can cope and handle his troubles in the near future. Especially if his theory about his brother is true: that he is dying everyday he lives.

He is almost never wrong.

He needs a backup plan. A safeguard, among his other collections of safeguards. Someone like him can never have too many.

And he believes that the answers lie in his creation.

Tobirama sighs and he presses his palms into his eyes. Maybe he really needs sleep.

The office doors open after a knock, and he looks up to find his brother. He cannot help but notice that Hashirama’s hair is silky and that his face is smooth, free of the blemishes of a wrinkle. There are no spots on his skin, and in fact, his skin seems to glow with youth.

“Elder brother,” Tobirama greets him, with utmost respect.

Hashirama’s face softens towards him. The glaze in his eyes from the other night is gone. He looks more alert. “You called for me?”

Tobirama tries to hide the way his hands seem to shake and fishes for the papers that he wants his brother to see. He takes his time, in the guise of searching for it, even though he is organized enough to know where each document is.

“I…” Tobirama begins, taking his time to form his words. “First, I have told you that this is not a good idea. Despite my best efforts to persuade you, I know you are also quite stubborn. So here. The approval to begin the construction of your precious statues. It commences next month.”

Hashirama’s eyes widened in surprise. “Brother, I don’t know what to say.”

Tobirama rolls his eyes, but much to his chagrin, he gives his last sibling a genuine smile. “Don’t flatter yourself. My wife put me up to this.”

Hashirama laughs, and Tobirama is glad that it sounds carefree. His eyes form into beautiful crescents, and Tobirama softens. There is his cheerful brother.

“Give my thanks to her,” Hashirama says. “She is the best of us.”

Tobirama nods, and he clutches his hands under the desk. He will always agree to that, because as compared to him, her flaws pale in comparison.

Hashirama pauses before turning towards the door. “And come visit your eldest nephew and his wife soon. We have heard that they will have a girl in about a month.” Hashirama chuckles giddily. “I will be a grandfather!”

Tobirama stops breathing, but thankfully, Hashirama has left before he can break down any further.

He closes his eyes, and suddenly, he is taken back to a more peaceful morning, as he prepares to travel to Kumogakure. That day will never be erased from his mind, not when he could have connected the pieces that were falling into place that almost cost her life. If he wasn’t so busy, if he just prioritized her a little bit more and only trusted himself to look after her, then maybe he could have been there on time. As the Hokage, it is his job to keep the village safe, but what kind of husband does that make him? When, once again, he has chosen the village over her.

Tobirama remembers her giddy smile, and the warm sensation spreading across his chest as she whispers to him a secret.

“ I think it’s a girl ,” she says, unable to control the wide grin spreading across her lips.

Tobirama feels his heart break further. He hates to see his wife reduced to tears, because those are few and far in between. She is strong, and has always known a clear line between right and wrong. Now, it is almost like she is becoming like him.

He was very relieved to hear that she could not ever go through with killing Kimiko, but if he wasn’t there to stop her on time, who knows what could have happened.

Tobirama does not cry, but if he is going to, this will be the moment he will choose to weep.

He feels as if there is nothing he can do, and there is no tangible way to come through on one end in one piece. The gods may just be out there to spite him.

Everything is falling apart. He can build kingdoms and construct beautiful castles. He can take dreams and make them into a reality, but they all mean nothing if the people that he centered his life around cannot be with him.

Being alone has never been a worry for him. Solitude has been his preference for a while now, but being truly alone, and losing those he gave his all for, he would rather lose a limb than bear that kind of loneliness. After all he is human, and not a god. As much as he plays that part.

He finally goes home, having lost his time once again over his endeavours. He trudges up the stairs quietly, and into the bathroom to try and wash up. He feels dirty. There is dried blood caked under his short nails, and he smells like chemicals, ink and death. He carefully peels his shirt over his head, and he stares at his reflection for a moment.

He is beginning to resemble the corpses that he hangs out with.

He leans over the sink and runs the water. He opts for using the faucet instead of the bathtub, afraid to make loud noises that will wake you.

“Tobirama?”

Your husband whirls around, and you give him a once-over. He is trembling a little. You note how messy his hair is–messier than normal–and how his eyes are stark bright like fresh blood, and how his face is becoming knife-like from the days he spends forgoing proper nutrition. Your eyes go to his cheek, where there is a smudge of dirt on it. It almost looks like dried blood, and it makes you swallow your words.

You are unsure what to say next, because you have a gut feeling that you should not get closer to Tobirama. He is different from the man you last saw this morning, who was calm and collected. The man before you looks like a stray animal ready to bite the hand that tries to pet them.

Tobirama tries to get a hold of himself, but his mind and his senses betray him. He feels overwhelmed.

"You should be asleep," he mumbles under his breath.

"I have been sleeping all day," you reply softly, not wanting to alarm him any further.

"Please," Tobirama says. He does not want you to see him like this. You make him feel weak. "Go to bed."

You ignore the slight hurt that you feel from being dismissed, but this is Tobirama. You have learned how to look beyond what he is saying outrightly. You can sense how freaked out he is.

"What happened?" You ask in a low, urgent tone.

Tobirama turns away and he takes a few deep breaths. He feels like he is about to retch. "Nothing."

He hears you step closer cautiously, and Tobirama tenses. If you touch him, he will melt and he will let go of any inhibitions he has left. If you touch him, he will want more. If you do, he may also react in a way that may hurt you as he could not bare any human contact on his skin at the moment. Just the thought of it makes his stomach curl.

"Go to bed," Tobirama repeats and he fills his cupped hands with water. He slaps the water onto his face, but when he opens his eyes, he finds that you are still there.

"Tobi," you whisper.

Water drips from his face and he turns off the faucet. He is not sure what to do next. The two of you have your own brands of stubbornness.

The sound of your voice saying his name seems to ground him, and this prompts you to get closer.

Tobirama takes the nearest towel to dab his face dry, and when he finishes, you take the towel from him and put it on the pile of used towels.

"My love," you murmur softly. "Let’s get you dressed for bed."

Tobirama takes a deep breath, and he turns to you. You wait for him to come to you instead of taking his hand to pull him forward, and from there, you follow him back into your room. Tobirama dresses in silence, and you stand there, your hands opening and closing, trying to figure out what to do next.

You are not a stranger to his changing moods, but sometimes they come unexpectedly, and they are not always the same. You know that he has stopped sleeping, and opts to skip meals to attend to whatever it is he’s busying himself with. His silhouette in the darkness is noticeably thinner, and while you are waiting for him to make you understand what he is doing or to let you know what else is bothering him, you are becoming more concerned.

You hate to see him like this.

“Tobirama,” you utter his name, and slowly, you step closer into his space. You see how tense he is, so you make your movements slow and non-urgent. “It’s okay.”

You watch him run his fingers through his hair and let out a shaky breath.

“It’s okay,” you repeat. You try to control the tears that are coming.

The shadows of the dark room seem to engulf him, but you will never abandon him and leave him to fend for himself.

"I'm coming closer," you tell him, and slowly, you slide your arms around his waist from behind.

You can feel him stiffen, but it does not discourage you. You press your chest on his back and you rest your head in between his shoulder blades, and you hold him. It takes a long time, but finally, his body melts into yours and he gives into your warmth.

Tobirama lets himself rest in your embrace, and he reminds himself that you are alive, that you are breathing, and your skin has color, not like the ashen gray that dead bodies have. You are warm and supple, not cold and monumental.

He is so tired, but there is no such thing as rest for people like him. People like him rest in the battlefield, and it is both their bed and their grave.

Tobirama rests his arms on yours and he holds your arms. For a moment, you make him still. For a moment, the world falls away, and the races in his mind make its pause. He is not one to ask for much, let alone look for comfort, but for now, he lets himself be held.

After ushering him to bed, Tobirama is silent.

You sense that whatever thoughts that are swirling in his mind have settled like dust. He is not trembling anymore, and the natural paleness of his skin has returned, not like the pale green hue that he seems to embody earlier. The two of you face each other, hands entwined on your pillows. Sleep is a faraway thought, but you are glad to have him like this.

Tobirama watches you intently as you press a kiss on his knuckles, and then rest his hand under your cheek.

“I love you,” Tobirama murmurs. He rarely says this, but it always rings true. He feels ashamed for saying this to you after hiding so many secrets, but he never lies about what he feels towards you. Those three words taste gritty on his tongue, but he thinks you must know. Just in case your perception of him changes.

He doesn't deserve you, and inside, his heart clashes on trying to be worthy of your love and trying to be the leader this village needs. He is always sure of his ways, but when he sees you teetering between black and white, he questions his path because he sees a part of himself in you.

Perhaps, you do the same.

“You have to rest,” you tell him. “Send a shadow clone. Or give yourself a full day-off. For your sake.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” he tells you bluntly. “I must remain steadfast.”

“Can you really do this for long?”

“I have to,” Tobirama says. “There is no other way.”

Your eyes swim, and the pace of your heart starts to pick up. Those words scare you.

Your Senju husband will fail , Madara once said in your dreams. He will do everything right and what he is supposed to do, but in the grand scheme of things, he is nothing.

You close your eyes, feeling dread creep under your skin.

“You know I am right,” Tobirama continues.

“No.” You bite your lip. “Sometimes your right does not mean it is right.”

“I know,” Tobirama says and his eyes refuse to meet yours.

A tear escapes your eye, but Tobirama is quick to wipe it away with his free hand.

“Do not cry for me,” Tobirama says.

“How can you say that?” You say with disbelief. “I have the right to cry for you.”

Tobirama sighs, and rests his palm on your cheek. The two of you begin a staring contest, but you win when Tobirama finally looks away.

“We’re becoming ridiculous, aren’t we?”

“Quite,” Tobirama yawns.

“You still have me.” You lean towards him.

Tobirama pulls you closer, and he holds you to his chest. You close your eyes as you feel his heart underneath your ear. He still holds you as strongly and certainly.

“I will take your suggestion tomorrow,” Tobirama finally says. “One thing at a time, right?”

“Good enough for me,” you murmur into his chest and you press a kiss on it.

“All right,” Tobirama mutters, and his arms tighten around you.

To be continued...

Chapter 7 - Then >>

#angelica writes #tobirama x you #naruto #Tobirama Senju #Senju Tobirama #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #senju tobirama x you #senju tobirama x reader #naruto fanfiction #'til death do us part #you never said goodbye timeline/au

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lipshinee · 4 years

Note

Any soft scenatios or headcanons with Lucifer or Mammon would be precious ^^ welcome to the obey fandom!!!

.Fluff scenario🥺🥺 Okay I chose Mammon bc I’m a simp for this man. It’s like the most cliché thing ever but I still loved writing it bc I’m a sucker for clichés. Ur first kiss w/ Mammon ♡

Warning: a lot of fluff and cheesy stuff

Mammon X reader

Adjusting your skirt, you stared at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds. Your outfits consisted of a light and tight crop-top, a black skater skirt accompanied by your black shoes. You didn’t really feel like wearing something fancy, today you were simply having a fun time with Asmo.

The vibration coming from your phone suddenly caught your attention. As Mammon’s name appeared on screen, your face quickly turned red. « Oi! What’s all that about you going out with Asmo?? » Startled, you didn’t have any time to respond before he sends you another message.

« Ya ain’t going anywhere without me around!! Like I would leave you alone with that pervert <(｀^´)> » You couldn’t help yourself but smile and giggle at his message.

You really can’t tell when you first started liking him. Maybe it was recent, maybe it was when he started getting all possessive with you, or maybe it was just the first time you saw him. However when you realized your little crush it was already too late, he was already firmly ingrained in your heart and there was no way getting him out of there. His smile, his loud laugh, his blue eyes, every single detail about him was intoxicating. It drove you crazy how much power he held over you, a single look from him and you would melt right then and there.

‘Pull yourself together!’ You reminded yourself and responded to him with a simple sticker. After learning that information, it was unavoidable for you to take a few more glances at the mirror before finally getting out of your room. Going down the stairs, you could already hear Mammon and Asmo bickering. « You can’t just invite yourself whenever you feel like it! »

Your laugh caught the attention of the two demons in front of you and they were both silents for a few seconds. Those seconds were all it took you to realize how breathtaking the avatar of Greed was. He was wearing his usual signature yellow jacket that fit him perfectly, his glasses were resting on his head and his white snowy hair was a bit messier than usual, which only made him more mesmerizing.

You must’ve stared for longer than usual because you noticed that Mammon started to get a bit flustered. « W-what are ya lookin’ at?! » You shook your head and responded that you were just spacing out. You could feel your heart pounding so loudly in your chest you were almost surprised no one was able to hear it.

« Darling you look so beautiful! » Asmo said while hugging you tightly. A huge smile appeared on your face, and just when you were about to wrap your arms around him, he was pulled out of your grasp. Mammon was behind the younger demon and was glaring at him. Within seconds, they were arguing once again. You rolled your eyes and stopped them by announcing :

« Can we please go? Otherwise, you’ll be done fighting by the time the mall closes. » You didn’t wait for them to respond and turned around walking towards the front door, they quickly joined you. You decided for a walk since the mall was a bit close and hoped for a peaceful stroll but your wish was quickly stopped by the usual screams of Mammon.

On your way there, you noticed a garden that was full of flowers that looked similar to the ones you had in the human realm. You began to daydream about your life before the Devildom and how it completely changed you as a person. They brought you happiness when you thought you were a hopeless cause, and you were endlessly thankful for that.

You stopped listening to the demons’ conversation a long time ago until Asmo’s sentence got you back to reality. « I don’t understand! If you like MC so much why don’t you ask them out yourself instead of barging into MY alone time with them?! » While Asmo first had an annoyed look on his face, his expression changed into amusement when he saw you and Mammon turning red from his comment.

« H-huh? W-what are ya talkin’ about?! Why would I like a mere human anyway? » He desperately tried to argue, but Asmo wasn’t born yesterday, he could obviously through crushes with ease. Needless to say, he also knew about your crush as well. Actually, it was obvious for about anyone but you two.

You were pretty silent about the whole thing. Looking down at the ground and playing with your fingers, you tried your best to ignore the situation that you couldn’t possibly handle. Staring at you, Asmo’s face lit up, and had you met his eyes, you would have known he was preparing a mischievous plan. Finally, the avatar of Lust sighs and replies with a sad tone :

« If you say so. » Mammon was a bit taken aback. No teasing? He would give up just like that? No way. The demon was suspicious of his brother but preferred to stay quiet. The rest of the walk was really quiet compared to the beginning which only confirmed Mammon’s suspicions.

The three of you were walking around the mall. It’s only been a few minutes since you got here but Asmo has already started to whine about going to Majolish. Not really surprising, it was the avatar of Lust we were talking about after all. Heading to the shop, you couldn’t help but notice the malicious smile Asmodeus kept wearing, and only grew wider once you got in front of the store. Entering Majolish, the demon started to pick random clothes and threw them in Mammon’s arms.

« What the actual hell are ya doin’?! » He was even more confused once Asmodeus pushed him towards the changing room.

« Shh, just try these out, I wanna see those on you! » Witnessing the scene in front of you was quite amusing, even though you were just as puzzled as Mammon. Once he was in the fitting room, Asmo turned around and winked at you. « Well, I guess I have to go now. » What? What was he talking about? You must’ve seemed baffled because he sighed and continued :

« I pushed Mammon over there because otherwise, he wouldn’t have let me go, he doesn’t have the guts to stay alone with you. This way you can finally get the little date you always wanted to have! If he asks anything, just say something came up. »

Bewildered, you weren’t able to place a single word as he mumbled: « I’m way too nice. » and waved at you before leaving you alone. Shit. Your thoughts were racing as the anxiety kept rising. What were you supposed to do now? You weren’t ready for this! You weren’t even sure if Mammon really did like you! ‘Maybe I should just leave as well? Maybe we can just leave the mall right now?’ But the familiar voice behind you stopped all of your reflections.

« There ya go! Obviously, the great Mammon looks amazin’ in any-...Oi, where did he go?? » You turned around and looked at him only to be left breathless. Fuck. To make matters worse, the clothes he was trying on fit him like a charm. His button-down shirt had a few buttons undone which revealed the top of his chest, his skin-tight black jean which showed you perfectly the shape of his ass left you drooling all over him for a while. Mammon practically had to clear his throat for you to raise your head and look into his eyes.

« U-uh, he left. He...he had to go, something came up. » Mammon didn’t seem too phased at first and just replied: « Oh. » Then it hit him and his calm face rapidly turned to a worried look. Oh. He was going to be alone with you.

You both didn’t say anything for what felt like hours. It’s not that you didn’t have anything else to say, you had so many things you wanted to say but nothing was able to come out of your mouths. Finally, the demon ended up saying :

« O-oh, well I guess it’s yer lucky fay! Some people would kill to have me all for themselves for a day, ya know! » He claimed with a confident smile even though you could clearly see the nervousness in his eyes. You were a bit relaxed by the fact that both of you were apprehensive about spending some time alone. Mammon ended up going back to the fitting room in order to change into his own clothes. When you finally got out of the store, the atmosphere felt tense. What are you supposed to say right now? Your mind was clouded with endless speculations and doubts, you couldn't think of a single topic to chat about. Peering at the demon, it was clear he was in the same situation.

Bur for once in your life, you wanted to be bold. What did tou have to lose anyway? You knew you would regret it for to rest of your life if you didn’t take this chance Asmo gave you. Biting the inside of your cheeks, you went ahead and held his hand. His hand felt so warm and so big compared to yours, god it took all of your willpower to not melt instantly. He was the only one able to make you feel like this, he was the only one able to cause this warm feeling in your chest that was always so overwhelming. A single touch from him was enough to make your day, and it drove you crazy.

« W-what are ya doin' right now?! » It was the only thing he could add. As if speaking without stuttering wasn't already hard enough for him, the poor demon was now a blushing mess. You found him so adorable, his eyes were fixated on your hands and the silence didn't feel so awkward this time. Walking around the mall like this made you realize just how much you liked him, you wanted to hold his hand like this every day, you wanted to be in his arms cuddling every night, you simply wanted to be his. After all, he's the reason for your smile. He's the one for you. He's your first man. With him, you felt like you belonged somewhere as long as he was next to you.

Your eyes widened when you sensed him intertwining your fingers together. This time, you were the one freaking out. Especially when he turned you so you could face him. With his other hand, he held your chin with his fingers and approached his face towards yours. He was so close to you, you were certain he was able to hear your loud heartbeat.

« I...I want to kiss you. » His electric blue eyes were piercing through yours, like he was waiting for an answer from you. ‘Can he get any more adorable than this?’ Smiling at him, you nodded your head. And without another word, he kissed you. At first, your mind blanked out from the surprise. His soft lips were the only thing you could focus on. The world around you stopped for a moment, and, just for the time of this kiss, you both were in your little bubble. As if life in itself paused just for the two of you to enjoy every single bit of that kiss.

For so long, you had sleepless nights dreaming of this day, and now that it was finally happening, you had a hard time believing it. It was so gentle yet enough to make your heart explode from his touch. You loved this feeling so much, you were drunk from this warm feeling only he could give you. And when he kissed you, you could feel the reciprocity of his feelings. He liked you as well, the avatar of Greed himself liked you and absolutely nothing could make you happier.

Finally, he pulled away from you, and though you didn’t say it out loud, you were very clearly saddened by it. Noticing it, Mammon laughed and gave you a quick peck on the lips.

« C’mon! Let’s buy some matching stuff. » He said with a huge smile on his face.

And you couldn’t help but notice that during the whole afternoon at the mall, he didn’t let go of your hand a single time. He was hanging to it like his life was on the line if he let go of it, you kept biting your lower lips to stop yourself from giggling like a middle schooler.

You spent hours in the mall, checking every single store available and laughing so hard your stomach started to hurt. You were happy. And he was the reason for it.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me characters #obey me x reader #obey me imagines #obey me fluff #lucifer #mammon #leviathan #satan #asmodeus #beelzebub #belphegor

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baeklooming-day · 4 years

Text

Carmin 2 | Chanyeol

Parts 1 | 2 | 3

Summary: When in the middle of your messy student life you end up becoming the right hand of a powerful mafia leader, it gets even messier when it puts you in an arranged marriage with one of the family’s sons.

Genre: mafia!au, arranged marriage!au, fluffish

Word count: 1.5k

36. They’re monsters., 67. You’re bleeding all over my carpet., 75. Quit beating me up!, 84. Show me what’s behind your back.

A/N: Part two! frankly, if you know my other writings you know that practically every each of them takes place in Japan. well, in Tokyo. Tokyo is just my home. And this is my backyard. Credit to Tokyo for being my everything and giving me so much inspiration for everything I do.

“You can’t just show up whenever you want.”

You and Sohlhee were just leaving after your lectures in the afternoon, when you saw Chanyeol casually leaning on the wall, waiting.

Waiting for you.

A whole week passed already since you learned that you were about to be wedded to the ridiculously tall, clumsy boy you’ve known way too long than you would like to.

Ever since that day, he’s been frequently coming to pick you up wherever you were, whether it was because of some family business or just to take you somewhere.

Not to mention, that this ‘taking you somewhere’ was obviously against your will.

His non stop presence was starting to seriously get on your last nerves.

Apparently, Mr. Ishikawa decided that the two of you should be spending more time together, since you were about to become wife and husband.

You really wanted to throw up whenever someone said those two words.

The whole thing was annoying you even more because it didn’t go unnoticed by your friends from Waseda, particularly Sohlhee.

“I would have texted or called you, but you never ever read my texts or answer my calls.” Chanyeol crossed his arms, looking at you with his big eyes.

“What?” Sohlhee sounded surprised. “Why do you ignore him like that, Y/N? That’s mean!”

You rolled your eyes. If only she knew.

“You know, what’s the freaking point of you showing up so often out of nowhere? Me and Sohlhee already have plans.” You said, quietly hoping that maybe, finally, you would get him to leave.

You could always dream, right?

Chanyeol lightly squinted his eyes at you. “Oh yeah? What do you actually usually do, if I may ask?”

Before you could tell him off again, Sohlhee was quicker to answer. “We usually hang out in Akihabara or Shibuya. Shinjuku is so boring. And to be honest, I don’t like it around here at night, in particular anywhere near to Kabukicho.” She told him.

You couldn’t fail to notice the weird sparkle in Chanyeol’s eye. And you already knew what he was about to say.

“Why, are you afraid of mafia or something?” He asked with a laugh.

You sent him a glare, but he ignored it. You could’ve imagined.

“I don’t feel comfortable at all around there. And actually everyone knows that everything happens there behind the closed door! Who knows what illegal stuff they might be doing.”

Chanyeol finally looked your way, but continued talking to Sohlhee. “You know, yakuza is actually an admitted organisation...”

Sohlhee looked at him with disbelief at his overly calm tone. “I don’t believe it that they’re clean. Look at all the crime happening in that district. I heard that lately someone was murdered somewhere around the Golden Gai. They’re monsters.” She concluded.

Your eyes immediately dropped to the ground.

Murder in the Golden Gai? Sounded way too familiar, and unfortunately you knew exactly who was the murderer.

God, it already sounded horrible enough in your thoughts alone.

“Well, you wouldn’t want to run into any of them, right.” You said slowly, blankly looking at the ground in front of you.

“No, I wouldn’t.”

Funny that she was technically being around one every single day, because given your position, you could be counted as one of those shady mafia members, no matter how stupid it sounded to you.

“So” Chanyeol’s deep voice vibrated through the air between you once again. “You coming?”

“I already told you.” You answered him through your gritted teeth.

To your utter surprise, you felt Chanyeol’s arm falling on your both shoulders, pulling you closer to him.

You looked at him with complete disbelief.

“Come on Y/N, you know this is super important. We have to be there.” He said ‘be’ as if signaling that it must be some family business where the two of you were immediately needed without any discussion.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

“What a life” You mumbled to yourself, mad that again you couldn’t do anything about it, you just had to be obedient to family’s orders.

You angrily pushed Chanyeol’s arm away, turning to Sohlhee with an apologetic expression already plastered to your face. Lately you had to use that expression way too often for everyone’s liking.

“Forgive me, Sohlhee” You started. “It looks like I really have to go. But I promise you the whole day on Sunday, okay? I won’t go anywhere.”

You pretended that you didn’t hear Chanyeol mumbling a very quiet ‘we’ll see about that’, looking at your friend.

You were more than sure that there will come one day when she would frankly have enough of you always cancelling your plans.

“Well, okay. What a waste.” She was clearly sad, and that made you feel sad as well, just as much as suddenly super disappointed in yourself.

If there was one thing which you absolutely, wholly hated, it would be cancelling on your friends.

But then again, in moments like this one you remembered when Mr. Ishikawa told you at the very beginning that real friends are a luxury that you can’t allow yourself to have in your world. That sooner or later those relationships were bound to fail, to simply end. People from your world were staying in their circle, as simple as that. But clearly, none could prevent you from making some friends whilst you were studying always surrounded by many people everyday.

You started to lose yourself in your thoughts again, not even noticing when Chanyeol already pulled you away by your wrist, straight to the big black car which was waiting for you a couple of meters away.

You were sitting on a chair inside a big, luminous Starbucks in Ginza with a venti size peach tea with extra ice cubes standing on the table in front of you. Chanyeol was lying about some important family business where you two were urgently needed, instead lurking you on some stupid ‘date’, how he liked to call it, again.

“I hate you.” You said, your voice filled with venom.

“Come on Y/N, I even got you the biggest peach tea. You love peaches.” He continued to sip on his own cold matcha, looking at you from the other side of the table.

“I also love the sound you make when you shut the freak up.”

Chanyeol leaned a little forward, holding the cup with both hands and still sipping on the tea. “Don’t be so cold.” He frowned a little. “Don’t you think we should actually try to make this work and get along? Remember, you are my fiancée.” He pronounced the last word making the ‘e’ in it way too long, adding a puppy look sent your way.

Lord help, that you just ended up dealing with something like that.

You knew that it would eventually lead to that.

Some super unnecessary and annoying ‘dates’ and actual family affairs later, you finally lost it.

You never considered yourself an actual violent person, but you knew yourself well enough to know that if someone pushed your limits, you would be able to literally throw tables.

Or different things that were near you in that moment.

You didn’t even know anymore what he did or said that made you literally explode.

It started building up little by little, only to finally explode like a volcano.

“Chanyeol, don’t talk to me, just leave finally. Yeah, leave, this is my freaking room.” You said, leaning on a dark wooden desk with beautiful porcelain cups and matching plates behind you.

“You are probably the most difficult person to talk to, you know?” He replied, completely ignoring your already flamed up cheeks, a sign that you were about to explode any moment.

He continued talking, but you already weren’t listening. You just wanted to be left alone, but visibly it was too much to ask.

Your hand made its way behind your back, taking one of the porcelain cups and holding it very tightly.

“...and more than that... Wait.” Chanyeol stopped, looking at you and your arm. Then he rolled his eyes. “Y/N. Show me what’s behind your back.”

You didn’t even give him an answer. With your free hand you took another cup and using your full strength that you could find in that moment, you smashed them both right on him, not caring too much where the blow landed, you were too mad to care.

It was a long way to actually bring you to a complete furious state like that, so without really thinking you just continued throwing all the expensive cups at him, obviously breaking all of them.

“Holy-” You finally heard Chanyeol’s voice in your ears. “You’re impossible! Quit beating me up! Oh my god, my nose...”

You finally properly looked at him, starting to calm down a little.

Your blow must have been really strong, because next to the red scratch on Chanyeol’s otherwise flawless cheek, his nose was completely red, carmin blood dripping down covering his lips and finally dripping from his chin everywhere.

Before the guilt could take over you, you simply fired: “Well, look. Will you finally leave now? You’re bleeding all over my carpet.” And with that, with his nose all in blood, you just threw him out, making sure to shut your door behind him extra loudly.

Right after you shut the door, you slowly leaned your forehead on the cold wood. Your life was already so difficult before, now you didn’t even know if there was a word to describe its present state.

A/N: one more part to go! i hope you like it, feel free to reblog as always, i forgot to add it in the first part! leave me your thoughts, opinions and stuff ;-; one of you asked me to be tagged in the following parts, idk why but i can’t tag you because your name just doesn’t show up as an option to tag when i type it ;________;

#exo #exo scenarios #chanyeol #chanyeol scenario #chanyeol scenarios #chanyeol imagine #chanyeol fanfiction #chanyeol fanfic #chanyeol imagines #chanyeol x reader #chanyeol x y/n #chanyeol fluff #chanyeol angst #exo scenario #exo fanfiction #exo fanfic #exo mafia au

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houseofglass · 4 years

Text

Supernatural: the cheesy season

Okay, we’re halfway through the last season of Supernatural and I feel like it’s time for me to weigh in on it. There’ve been a lot of posts about how disappointed people are, or how they feel like the returning characters are a waste of time, and how awful the story line seems to be.

Whelp. Buckle up, I’ma gonna give you my lovely opinion. Some stuff I like, some I don’t, and some I’m really neutral about.

First: returning characters. I don’t mind this at all. I like seeing how some have evolved (looking at you, Becky) and how some were in the early seasons and are now playing a similar part this season. The return of Garth was nice. I don’t catch all the returners, but some of you do and point them out. If I could remember who you are, I’d give you a shout out to reminding us which episode/season the actor appeared on first, but I don’t, sorry. I think Supernatural should include as many returning bit-part actors as possible, just because it’s cool to watch.

As for regular characters, I loved Alexander Calvert’s portrayal of Belphegor and was mucho saddo to see him dead. I wanted more of his sass. Lots more. Sigh, I miss Crowley.

Second: set design. I’ve noticed the return of some things, like the motel room divider, and I love that! More please. Bring back sets that aren’t the bunker or Baby, bring back cluttered living rooms like Bobby’s, bring back a seedy motel, bring back a rough bar. The show has evolved to look very soap-opera-y: clean lines, organized set, everything in its place. This isn’t a bad thing, shows evolve and change, but it’s a nice callback to see a set that resembles the early seasons when things were messier, grittier, and more working-class.

Third: the plot. I mean....Chuck as the Big Bad, I can accept that. Sure. But, he’s, like, God. Normally, in a game or movie if someone has god-mode that means they’re basically indestructible. I don’t know how our boys are going to resolve this or bring it to a satisfying conclusion and still maintain that Chuck is all-powerful. When the finale of season 14 presented Chuck as the One To Vanquish I immediately decided how I was going to watch this last season. More on that later.

Fourth: Jensen and Jared’s performances. Jared has done an excellent job in keeping Sam consistent. Truly excellent. I don’t particularly love Jared as a person (anyone who plays pranks on people loses points with me, extra points if it’s sexual-based pranks on the job) but he’s a good actor and has done a good job on his, well, job.

Jensen’s acting....is lacking. He’s not as good lately. Actually, he hasn’t been for the past couple of seasons. I’ve wondered if he was ready to move on around season ten and started the wheels moving then. Wheels like getting his beer company off the ground and firmly established so he can have some passive income when the show ends. He’s a bit OTT, notably with the silent communication with Sam when Rowena wanted a drink in episode, uh, I don’t remember. The one with the cheap pink dress she wore. Also with his crying over Cas recently. I get it, he’s sad, but Dean doesn’t break down like that. Only once that I can recall, and he had to set himself up for it (driving to a secluded location alone, finally letting go). I feel like Jensen has lost the core of Dean somewhere, and it’s magnified by how well Jared is performing.

Fifth: Jensen’s audition reel. 15x04 was promoted heavily as directed by Jensen. I expect this and have little/no problem with it. He’s directed before and seems to enjoy it, and it’s the last season, so of course it would be promoted. I don’t have any opinion on his directing style as I don’t know what a good or bad director looks like. But the heavy promotion along with the heavy media presence is getting tiring. I understand, he’s about to be out of work and needs to go job hunting, but it’s wearing thin on me. Like the tap dancing. I watched the episode and thought he wasn’t particularly good at it. DJ Qualls was better, and I thought DJQ had more training and was surprised to learn he didn’t. When I found out they only had two hours’ rehearsal I thought, “yeah, it shows” because it missed the mark. Good attempt though. Nice to highlight Jensen can learn on the fly. I expect to see more of Jensen’s abilities as the episodes wind down. Actually, honestly, it feels desperate to me, but I’m not an actor and I don’t know if other actors do the same thing.

Sixth: showrunning. This entire season could have wrapped up by now. The plot is thin (fight God and win!) and not a lot of information is given in each episode. Instead the episodes wander around and highlight Jensen’s audition reel. The best wrap-up so far is finding out Rowena is the King of Hell. I freaking love that! It wraps up her character arc nicely.

Seventh: oh the cheese. This season is cheesy. Holy moly such cheese. Monsters in hot summer daylight? Oh my. VampChesters? Goodness me. Even that episode where Lilith returns as the girl who falls on the antlers. Man, that poked fun at the boys in a way I enjoyed, but it was still cheesy. Is this new fromage because Chuck is an unreliable narrator? Is this some meta accounting presented as fine Brie? Only time will tell.

Final thoughts: I mentioned above that the season 14 finale helped me choose a pair of glasses to use while viewing the show. Now, I’ve seen many finales in my day. Some I’ve loved and some I’ve hated and some I’ve been left disappointed. So now I understand something this social media generation seems to lack: I have no control over how my favourite character/show will end. No amount of whining, complaining, justifying, yelling, shouting, or cajoling will get the writers/showrunners/actors to do my bidding. Fandom has become toxic in this regard. FFS people, the only reason to contact those people on SM is to say thank you. Nothing more. You have no control or input. Nor do I.

So I sat in front of my TV with my cheesy goggles on and decided, “Fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m gonna taste the cheese this season.” And I have. Although I have complained, like, see above, I’ve also let go of any expectation of the show. It’s too long in the tooth at this point, with too many side characters and too much soap opera makeup (seriously, Dean was lit like a soap opera mistress in a few episodes. Like, wtf?) to take seriously.

So I invite you to enjoy some cheese with me. There are ten episodes left. Just ten. Ten more times to watch my favourite character, Baby, drive across the screen. Ten more times to have a new opportunity to write a coda or fix-it fic. Ten more times to imagine an OTP in a new scenario provided by the writers.

Have a slice of cheese with me. Watch the show with lightheartedness. Wish these actors adieu and expect nothing. We have no control over the ending, and no matter how much it hurts, we will have to say goodbye to Sam and Dean’s adventures at some point. Might as well do it with a smile.

#Spn #season 15 #so cheesy #dj qualls #Jared Padalecki #jensen ackles #alexander calvert #did I mention the cheese?#man the show has diverted from its original path #still love baby

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theyrealllegends · 5 years

Text

Careful

Chapter summary: Roger is your new roommate and while you like to bury your pretty in nose in the books for your law studies, he finds other ways to pass his time.

Author’s note: I’m freaking excited people, I never thought I’d like an idea enough to really post it and then it just came! I’d like you to know that english isn’t my first language but I’m trying like crazy. Also, I didn’t put in y/N because I felt like I should call reader Tiffany. If you want to, feel free to insert yourself, though!

Words: ~1,4k for a start

Warning: mentions of sex and drinking but I wouldn’t put an age rating or anything, idk, sorry! (Okay, I’m trying my best to do this slow burn thing and if i’m failing miserably than I’m sorry!)

Chapter 1:

You didn’t really admit it but your new roommate was cool. At first, you thought it was just because he was the one moving in after your terrible ex-roommate who finally finished their degree. But within a few days you noticed it was also his hair, that was a bit longer and a bit messier than the guys that sat in your law lectures wore theirs. Also, you kinda liked his colourful clothing and his vintage furniture that was really giving you the hippie vibes you’d never channel. It was even funny to you that this guy was becoming a dentist but couldn’t boil eggs for the love of god.

“You’re the best!”, he’d tell you every morning he came into the kitchen only to see a prepared breakfast because you had a few spare moments before you had to go to your class.

“You’re welcome, Rog”, you’d just reply smiling into your mug.

“Should I take you to uni?”

“I can take the underground, but thanks.”

“How can you refuse me as a driver everyday?”

“Because you always leave after me and I’ve seen the traffic, I don’t even want to think about your driving!”, you told him and laughed.

“I’d be careful with you”, he said sheepishly and winked at you before he finished his breakfast and you left the kitchen so he wouldn’t see you blush. You didn’t really talk to a lot of guys, the ones in your classes were either too focused on getting good grades of spoiled pricks, really and you weren’t used to flirting from your ex-roommate either.

When you came home from your classes around five hours later, Roger was in his room, door open and -

“No, please, I really can’t!”

“Oh, hey, Tiffy”, he answered grinning. “I finally brought my drum kit!”

“No, you’re not! I need to memorise a billion laws this year, please you can’t drum in here!” He softly patted one of the freaking drums you wished never touched ground in this apartment and your stomach twisted with anxiety and hungriness.

“Don’t worry, sweetie, I just wanted to scare you”, he explained softly and moved closer to the doorframe, where you still stood in shock. “I got in a band and we’ll be practicing in some old room in the uni, I’ll move my drums there as soon as we start.”

“Thank god”, you mumbled and he grinned.

“I’m quite good with them, though.”

“I don’t deny that but you didn’t see the neighbours’ glares yet, if you think you could play them here."

“You should come to our first gig, would you? We’re playing right before Pink Floyd, have you heard of them?”

“Uhm, I’m more the classical music kind of girl, I guess”, you admitted, feeling your cheeks tingle again, hoping you wouldn’t blush.

*-*-*-*-*

You weren’t sure if Roger was okay with that but since you thought you wouldn’t like “Smile” and the huge crowd they’d probably gather, anyway, you told him you were too busy to come to his gig, even though the year was still fresh and this was nothing compared to the stress you got into weeks later. You didn’t really know how Roger didn’t drop out of his dentist classes right away because that first gig had seemingly made his band a thing, requiring them to perform every weekend ever since. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy for him - that you didn’t like the way his face lit up when he told you about the band, about his friend Freddie who he started a stall in Kensington Market with and everything else he told you, really - but sometimes it could be annoying. Sometimes he’d wake you up in the middle of the night, stumbling into the flat, looking piss drunk when you peeked out of your room to check what the hell was going on.

At first, you felt sorry for him and covered yourself in a robe to stay warm while softly guiding him into his room and onto his bed and then going to the kitchen to get him water and pain killers for the next morning. He’d either be fighting to get off his clothes or already be asleep on his bed when you returned. You’d make extra much bacon the next morning, hoping that’d soak up the left over alcohol in his system and you wouldn’t talk until he signalled that he was ready for more noise than the coffee machine’s. However, as time passed you stopped getting up to help him because Roger would still wake you up but in a worse way than coming home wasted - it could have variations but they all annoyed you just the same: sometimes it would be loud giggles in the hallway, other nights it would be his bed frame banging on the wall his room was sharing with yours. It didn’t make any difference that your bed wasn’t on that side of your room at all, it made your bookshelf unstable and wake you up without fail. Another time it would be the groaning and whatever noises he was getting the girl to let out and vice versa, it never failed to make you sick. Not that you’d ever bother to mention it. He’d probably just give you earplugs, something you tried multiple times but found too uncomfortable to even fall asleep in.

It was an early Sunday and you had already gone on your morning run to clear your thoughts, finished your shower, had breakfast and were halfway through your first round of law repetition for that day. You just left your room to get another cup of coffee when Roger caught you in the hallway.

“Please, you have to help me”, he mumbled into your ear. “I swear I didn’t plan to, I need to study, too and now I can’t get rid of this damn girl!”

“I’d suggest you put on a shirt to make it easier for her”, you couldn’t help but reply and he’d smile weakly before nodding his head in the direction of the kitchen. “Fine, I got this”, you tried to reassure yourself more than him before walking into the room, finding a girl in Roger’s shirt, trying to make pancakes or whatever. “How many times do I have to tell you?”, you asked Roger, letting your true annoyance come thru. “You can’t have guests in the kitchen on Sundays, my learning group needs the space!”

“I’ll be gone in a second!”, the girl replied and smiled at Roger in a way that made you snort.

“Obviously not, you’re leaving. I’m not trying to make a fool out of myself in front of the other law students, we need a quiet atmosphere!”

“We should go to my place then”, she’d tell Roger, ignoring you but also sounding annoyed.

“You know what, I’ll take a shower and come over later, okay?”

“Sure, sweet”, she whispered to him, glaring at you before leaving the kitchen as if the pancakes weren’t turning black.

“Thank you”, Roger mouthed into your direction, before following the girl. He only returned after she left a few minutes later and smiled as you set a plate of pancakes in front of him. “You’re the best, Tiff.”

“I’m surprised that worked to be honest but you’re welcome anyway”, you replied, unable to tell him that this was the first and last time you had done something like this.

“You’re kidding, I totally bought the learning group and I really wish I had something like that.”

“When are your exams?”

“Way too soon”, he tried to get around the question. “And yours?”

“Starting the Tuesday after this one”, you explained and moved your shoulders because they started cramping and hurting only at the thought.

“‘M sorry about that”, Roger told you and got up to step behind the chair you were sitting on. You wanted to turn around to see what he’d do but then he put his big, warm hands on your shoulders and started massaging them softly. It made you forget where you were for a moment and you closed your eyes to let yourself fall into his grip, humming as the sharp, stress-infused pain finally went away.

“Thank you so much”, you whispered softly as he finished and could hear him chuckle behind you.

“Anytime, love.”

I’d like to tag @blondecarfucker because your support is literally why you’re looking at this right now and I truly hope you like it! If anyone has any thoughts or comments, don’t hesitate to let me know.

xoxo

#roger taylor x reader #roger taylor #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy #roger taylor x you #roger taylor fluff #roger taylor fanfic #fanfiction #ben hardy x you #ben hardy fluff #ben hardy fanfic #queen fanfiction #bohemian rhapsody #bohrap fanfiction

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team-science-mega-nerds · 5 years

Text

Any Stranger I Choose (Chapter 2/3)

PART ONE HERE

Sam has lost all of her nerve by the following morning. She spends about five minutes nervously pacing before she sends out an S.O.S. text to Jess and Lena, and invites them to meet her at Luna’s Cafe in thirty minutes. It’s early. 6:30 AM early, but somehow Sam knows that her best friends will be there for her no matter what. And yes, Sam does spend an extra five minutes doing her makeup and picking her nicest bra - and the easiest to unclasp - because she still wants this.

She just hopes Alex does too.

The drive to the cafe takes far too long for a Saturday morning, but construction is overtaking the city, and Sam takes those extra minutes to think over everything that happened yesterday. Half of it bordered on humiliating but most of it was...lovely. Sensual. The things she had been missing from her life.

When Sam darts past some suits and aging hipsters, she finds that Jess and Lena are already sitting at a table, three mugs sitting at the center, talking animatedly about something. Lena’s eyes light up when she spots Sam and Jess scrambles to pull back a chair. “There she is. The woman of the hour.” Lena slides a mug in front of Sam and smiles. “Can I start off by saying: I can’t believe you didn’t text us last night. I’m dying for details.”

“Oh, god.” Sam tucks her hair behind her ears. She’s struggling to find the right words. “Well, for starters, I didn’t know this was a masturbation thing. I thought we were going to…”

“Oh…Jesus.” Lena’s eyes go wide. “Didn’t you read the email I sent you?”

“No! Which I obviously regret now.” Sam allows Jess to pat her hand. It’s pity and she doesn’t even care. “After spending five minutes freaking out, Alex was actually…” Sam rubs the back of her neck. “Really sweet and...once I felt comfortable enough, I actually got the courage to try.”

“How was it? Awkward? Weird? Fun? Did you...get there?” Jess asks.

“I would’ve if I didn’t freak out so much. She didn’t overstep or anything, but she helped me get undressed-.” Lena’s mouth hits the ground. Sam's trying to stay poised and casual. “The point is...do you guys think it’s a good idea for me to maybe...go further?”

“Hell yes!” Lena yells so loud that the entire cafe looks at them.

“Do you think she would?” It’s a great question and one that Sam has been considering for the past few hours.

“Jess, you should’ve seen her yesterday. She was having as much fun as I was.” Sam sighs. “I don’t know how to initiate it. She’s...cool and I’m-.”

“Stop right there, Arias.” Lena rests her hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You are smart, beautiful, and absolutely capable of getting railed by Alex Danvers.” Lena could probably learn a little finesse but Sam appreciates how confident Lena is. “Speaking of the devil.” Sam follows Lena’s eyes to the line in front of the register. Where Alex is standing.

Of course.

“Wow, she’s hotter in person. How is that even possible?” Jess is practically drooling, Sam has to physically turn Jess’s face so they don’t all look like creepy stalkers. Sam tries to sink in her seat. She doesn’t want to notice that Alex’s hair is a little messier than necessary. The sleeves on her t-shirt are rolled up just enough that Sam can now see that she has a tattoo of a bird on the inside of her bicep. She must have at least fifteen tattoos, maybe more, and Sam wants to see all of them. She wants to be wrapped in those arms. She wants those arms to lift her and throw her down on that giant bed. “Get a grip, Sam.”

“Shut up,” Sam mumbles. She continues watching Alex who gets a coffee - to go - and a small container of fruit. The barista says something that makes Alex laugh. Her laugh is light and cute, and Sam feels unnecessarily jealous that she isn’t the one who is the cause of something so wonderful. Whatever Alex’s response is, the barista laughs loudly, utterly charmed by Alex. As everyone probably is.

Sam is ready to watch Alex leave. She needs a few more hours to gather her courage, she should change into another dress, and maybe put on more makeup. But Alex spots her and approaches. “Hey, Sam.” Jess is fawning and Lena is amused. Sam must look flustered because she can see that Alex is looking at her with those soft eyes that had been enough to convince Sam to get half naked the night before. “Are you stalking me?”

“We just happen to be in the neighborhood,” Lena supplies. “ You’re up early. I thought artists usually slept in.”

“I’m still stuck on East Coast time. Though I am a bit of an early riser.” Alex is talking to Lena, technically, but her eyes keep finding Sam’s. “We’re a two-minute walk from my apartment,” Alex’s smile is easy. And Sam is blushing way too much, like always.

“Sounds like you’re trying to get her to go home with you,” Jess tells Alex.

“I am.” The back of Alex’s hand is at her side, almost touching Sam’s arm. She wants to be touched. She’s waiting. “If not for my work, you left something there last night. You know that thing ?” Oh. So, Alex is toying with her. It’s a game, one that Sam fully intends to play.

“Right.” Sam finishes her coffee and stands. “Are you sure it’s not too early?”

“No, I’m ready for you.” Lena and Jess exchange looks, hanging onto every word and look that Alex and Sam share. “And this time of day is my favorite for shooting. With this light and you, what could be better than that?”

Lena looks as though she might scream but Sam manages to wave Alex off. After their quick goodbyes, Sam and Alex start for the exits, and Sam can feel her phone vibrating erratically in her pocket. She assumes that Jess and Lena are texting her various versions of “OH MY GOD!!!” Alex opens the door for Sam and says something about it being a nice day out.

Sam can barely hear her. Sam is focused on the fact that her hands are all clammy and she feels so young. Any version of attention that she receives is enough to turn her insides to goo. This is going to be a long day. “I like your dress,” Alex says simply. Sam feels silly wearing this delicate floral print but Alex toys with the fabric that is wrapped around Sam’s waist, holding the dress in place.

If Alex were to grab the fabric and pull then that would be one less thing sitting between Alex’s hands and Sam’s body. But Alex doesn’t pull, she just keeps watching and taking in the morning air. “I took your advice.”

“About…?”

“Taking photos of myself. I did it.” Alex watches Sam’s face closely. “It was different.”

“Can you do that? I mean how did you take the photos if your hands were...busy.” Sam rolls her eyes at her own words. Alex pulls her keys out of her pocket and unlocks the front door of the building.

“Timers. I’ve learned lots of tricks over my career.”

“Oh.” They get into the elevator and stand on the other side of the tiny space, Alex stands shoulder to shoulder with Sam. It feels like 3 am, not 7. Sam feels tipsy. Drunk on Alex’s smile. Her arms. Her eyes.

“Everything alright?”

“I’m fine, you just...I didn’t expect to see you so early.” Sam tries not to smile or look dorky. “Nerves again.”

“Honestly, if you look at the photos you took, you don’t look nervous at all. That kind of confidence...it suits you.” They exit the elevator and head for Alex’s apartment. Alex has a whole ring of keys and she takes a long time figuring out which one is which. “Jesus Christ, I need to get rid of like half of these,” Alex says as she finally unlocks her door.

“You need a good assistant.” Alex laughs and then, not so faintly, Sam hears someone scoff from inside the apartment. As they enter, this person becomes clear. Not just a person, a woman, wearing clothes so comfortable that she looks as though she’s just woken up. This woman is holding an open laptop in her hand and as soon as she sees Alex she grabs for the container of fruit.

“About time,” She says all carefree and charming. Alex sets her coffee mug down, cleans off a chair, and offers it to Sam.

“Sam, this is Siobhan, my assistant.”

“Your lifesaver, more like,” Siobhan corrects, shaking Sam’s hand, and diving into the pieces of strawberries, berries, and orange slices. “You never said you had a session this morning.”

“Well, I do.”

“Our shared calendar exists for a reason.” This sounds like a conversation that they’ve had many times. Siobhan doesn’t seem too bothered, Alex seems slightly annoyed.

“To piss me off, yes, I remember.” Alex pulls a face. One that’s meant only for Sam. It feels nice to be included, if only briefly. “I do need you to set up a meeting with the curator if you have time today.”

“I always have time for you.” Siobhan flicks the top of Alex’s head, gathers her bag, and heads for the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” It’s a warning. Or a joke. Alex just smirks, waits for Siobhan to leave, and turns to Sam.

“I can’t promise anything to anyone.” Alex clasps her hands together. Rejuvenated. “Would you like something to drink?” It occurs to Sam that this is just a thing that Alex does. Offers up something nice, does the polite thing, all while trying her best to maintain the facade that she hasn’t let her eyes travel below Sam’s neck. Sam wants to be on the bed. Now.

“Sure,” Sam says. Unlike yesterday, Alex does know where the drinks are. She pours Sam something that looks like sangria and adds slices of oranges before she hands her the glass. She looks curious and downright handsome just leaning in front of her watching and waiting until it’s the right time for Sam to get naked again. “Do you work well with your assistant?”

“Eh.” Alex shrugs. “It’s not really my thing but I’m not great with all the logistical stuff. It’s boring.”

“You’re right, this is more fun.”

“It is.” Alex takes the cup out of Sam’s hand and sets it on the counter. “You probably shouldn’t be drinking. I keep forgetting that this is a job and not…”

“It’s okay, you know. This is actually making me feel a lot better about…”

Neither one of them can figure out a way to end a sentence. But Alex grabs Sam’s hand and leads her to the bed. “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Should we start like before?” Alex sits on the stool and grabs her camera. Sam is on the edge of the bed unsure of how they started yesterday but certain of how they ended up. “Or can I try something?”

“That sounds mysterious.” Sam laughs. “Should I be worried?”

“No.” Alex takes a test shot and adjusts her camera. “It’ll be fun.”

“For you?”

“For you, hopefully.” Alex smiles wide. “Indulge me.” Sam decides that maybe she should, not just because Alex is asking, but because she’s said 'no' to so much in her life. Lena had poked and prodded at Sam so much that she finally finally thinks that it’s about time to start having some fun.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Alex stands and raises her camera again. “So...here’s the thing.” Alex motions for Sam to stand and as they’re standing there, Sam suddenly realizes that Alex is touching her. Touching her hand, then her bicep, and now Alex has wedged her arm behind Sam’s back, and her fingers are touching the zipper of Sam’s dress. “If I saw you out and about in the real world. I’d buy you a drink or coffee.” Alex pulls the zipper, only one or two inches, just enough for Sam to feel the heat of the sun masking the heat radiating off Alex’s fingers. “But that’d be all premise. Bullshit prologue just to get you up here.” Sam can’t stop looking at the camera. Her cheeks are warm, legs just starting to tremble. “I like that look.”

“What look?”

“The way you look when you’re reminded that you’re beautiful. The way you look when you’re just starting to believe it.”

“Shut up.” Sam looks away from the camera, in a weak attempt at composing herself.

“Should I?”

“No.” Sam moves closer to Alex and Alex unzips the rest of the way down. Lingering hands that want to touch, probably would too, but can’t. The dress doesn’t fall to the ground. Alex likes this , Sam thinks. One wrong or right move and Sam will be standing there wearing only her bra and underwear.

“May I?” Alex’s fingers linger on the straps of the dress. She’s waiting for permission.

“If you want.”

“What do you want?” Sam laughs. How can she not? What she wants is for Alex to stop hiding behind her camera. She wants Alex to say that she’s beautiful. She wants to be touched. She wants someone to kiss the insides of her thighs. She wants to moan like she did yesterday. She wants to be completely unafraid.

Alex must sense Sam’s hesitation. “What do you want me to do?” Alex rephrases.

“Take off the dress.”

Watching her dress fall to the ground feels like shedding skin. Watching Alex fumble with her camera is worthy validation for this feeling. Which is why Sam returns to her spot on the bed, waits patiently for Alex to take more photos. Waits for Alex to run her fingers through her cropped hair. Laughs at Alex’s failed attempt at small talk. “I thought you were suave,” Sam says with a laugh. The sun has fully ignited the room. Sam has blossomed. Alex hasn’t once apologized for looking where she shouldn’t. They are indulging, they are slowly getting free.

“I am. I just wanted to hear your laugh again.” Sam could spend years in this room.

“Alex?” Sam is ready. Sam is alive and ready and Alex is literally the most beautiful person she’s ever met. “I wish you’d stop hiding behind that camera.” Sam realizes, as Alex is slowly lowering her camera, that she should learn how to be more direct. Ask for what she wants, even though Alex’s eyes tell Sam that Alex understands her completely.

Silence follows. Too much silence.

Alex is propping her camera up on some kind of stand. Sam feels the tension in the room expand. Her heart races in a way that she’s never experienced before. Alex is completely calm. Completely focused on Sam. And when Alex stands at the edge of the bed, grabs the undersides of Sam’s thighs, and pulls her closer to the edge of the bed, Sam thinks that she might actually pass out. “Can I taste you? I’ve wanted to since I first saw you.”

“S-sure. Yeah.”

“The camera is still taking photos. Whatever you do, don’t lay down.” Sam nods. Her eyes follow Alex’s. Alex gets down on her knees and slowly - so slow that it’s painful - tugs down Sam’s underwear. Sam feels more exposed than before but also completely comfortable. Horny too, obviously.

“What? No foreplay?” Sam says surprised that her mouth even still works.

“It’s been two days of foreplay. You okay, Gorgeous?” If anyone on the planet had called her ‘gorgeous’ like some kind of pet name, Sam would be kicking them in the face. But Alex dove in like she’d been ready and waiting to make Sam sharply inhale forever.

And oh god does Sam get it. Every misguided hook up had been a scam. One where Sam had been fooled into believing that sex was just sex. Right now, Alex was making her believe in something greater. Something that made Sam unashamed of moaning, unashamed of being unable to choose between closing her eyes and opening them. Alex was a pro or a wizard or something that qualified her to be deserving of a Nobel Prize.

And it wasn’t just her tongue. It was gentle kisses that made Sam scream. Hands that pulled her closer, hands that pushed Sam’s legs wider apart. Sam grabs Alex’s hair because she can’t grab anything else. The gentle hum that this elicits from Alex is like a switch. One that makes Sam feel powerful. “Do you like that?”

“Yes.” So Sam pushes and pulls, letting her hands do the praising that her words can’t seem to get across. To tell Alex to keep going or that feels incredible . When Sam is close she knows it. She can feel her body teetering, with bliss waiting just around the corner. Alex knows it too because she pushes her tongue inside Sam and touches Sam’s clit with her finger, gently rubbing and pushing until Sam releases.

And when she does, Alex holds her through it. Whatever Alex is whispering, Sam can’t hear her, but it soothes her enough to get Sam to finally breathe again. She feels like a teenager again, not because of the sex - it’s never been anything like this - but because of the way that her heart feels like it might explode.

Alex does let her go. Just long enough to grab her camera and take a few final shots. Sam’s legs are so shaky that she doesn’t even bother doing anything other than basking in the hazy and wondrous afterglow. Sam is in love.

Totally and fully in love. It’s a brief experience, this version of love. She wants to hold onto it. Forever. But eventually it fades and she’s left to realize that the crush that she has on Alex is still fully intact. She doesn’t feel dirty or used. She feels like she wants to see Alex again. She wants to take her out for that drink. Get her to laugh. Sam feels clingy. She doesn’t care. “You alright?”

“God, yes.” Sam smiles and Alex lays on the bed beside her, elbow propped up beside her head. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Alex chuckles. “Anytime.”

“Okay. If you mean it.”

“You know…” Alex tucks a stray strand of hair back beside Sam’s ear. “I don’t have to use any of those photos.”

“You don’t want to?”

“Of course I want to. But it’s...this was different for you.” Alex is so close to Sam that Sam wonders if they’re going to kiss. “You were honest in ways that other people can’t be. You’ve surprised me, Sam. And I would love for those photos to be in the exhibit, but more than that...I hope you’ll be there.”

“That’s sweet.” Sam lightly touches Alex’s arm. “I'll be there.”

“Good.” Alex looks at her thoughtfully and then says, “So why do you work at that big company?”

“Huh?”

“LCorp. Why do you work there?”

“It’s just a job.” Sam thinks. “One that I’m good at.”

“ Just a job . Hm.” Alex lays on her back. “Is that really what you want to be doing?”

“Are you really criticizing my job right now? Not everyone can be a world famous photographer who is stupidly attractive. And way too good at giving head.” Sam lays on her back beside Alex. “I am happy. Most of the time, at least.”

“Good. Happy is good.”

“You don’t sound convinced.”

“I could be convinced. I’m just not so sure happy is out there for me.” It’s the first time that Alex’s heart is really out there. Sam can see the pain, the slight uneasiness. It’s a chance that Alex seems to be taking on Sam. It’s brave.

“Oh, I see. The sad artist card.” Sam pokes Alex’s side. “Well, my guess is that you have a lot of freedom. You can travel anywhere in the world. So, if you’re not happy, then you should go find out what happy means for you.”

“I’m happy right now.” Alex’s eyes catch Sam’s. “So...what does that mean?”

“Fucking traffic in this city is-.” Sam scrambles to grab her dress, Alex flies off the bed, as Siobhan enters the room carrying a large box of supplies. “Oh...fuck.” Alex rushes over to stand between Siobhan and Sam, trying her best to calm Siobhan’s shock. “Wow, Alex. Seriously?”

“Shut up.”

Sam pulls on her dress and struggles to zip up the back. She isn’t sure if she should run or hide or sign an NDA. “Hey, I’m gonna…” Sam points to the door. Alex is stuck between a rock in a hard place. Siobhan is not chill and Alex needs to put out that fire.

Sam knows, really knows that she won’t see Alex before the exhibit opens. And she’s okay with it. Sure, she feels like a user and like maybe there was a little spark between them. But who is she kidding? Alex is way out of her league and she should just let it all go before her desperation hurts her. Sam is halfway across the street, when she hears, “Hey, wait up!” Alex catches up to her at the crosswalk and they walk together.

“Sorry about that.”

“Oh, about Siobhan? Yeah, whatever.” Alex waves it off. “That was my fault. I don’t normally…” Alex cringes a little. Sam can sense it, whatever might have happened between them, it’s slipping away. “I was sort of wondering if-.”

“I won’t tell anyone about what happened. It probably shouldn’t have. It was fun, but...I mean come on. You travel the world. I stay at home.” Alex’s face falls and Sam realizes that this is not what Alex expected. “Hey, and about the photos...you should use whichever ones you want. Surprise me, okay?”

“Oh...right. Sure.” Alex tries to smile. “It’s in a few months so...thanks for being my...model.” Alex holds out her hand and Sam shakes it awkwardly. “I’ll see you around.” Watching Alex walk away is easy. At that moment it feels like the right thing. But later, when Sam is eating dinner alone and getting weird photos - they’re memes, mom! - from Ruby, Sam realizes that it’s all a mistake.

Chemistry isn’t just about sex. Alex and Sam were seconds away from figuring that out and if Sam had just held it together, held onto that moment, then she would’ve asked Alex out. But Sam isn’t good at asking for what she wants. That’s the whole reason she never even came close to well - coming . And now, all Sam can hope for is that the memory is strong enough. That one of them will crack and call and she’ll get a chance to actually do what she wants for a change.

Waiting is the worst part. Sam isn’t sure she’s ready.

#danvarias #sam arias #alex danvers #supergirl #fic #AU #agentreign #lena luthor #jess the secretary #siobhan smythe

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vampiresmiled · 5 years

Note

✩ caviar

they have had one interaction thus far and like … no hcs, so – i am completely winging it here. if i’m wrong, it’s canon now.

DISAGREEMENTS

who is more likely to raise their voice? steven. kev has only raised her voice twice in her life. both those times in relation to somebody she loved dying, so . . . unless somebody’s boutta kick the bucket, it’s steven. who threatens to leave but never actually does? kevin. she’s very loyal, kay. she likes sticking shit out. who actually keeps their word and leaves? i guess steven. who trashes the house? only one of these persons have anger issues, take a wild guess. do either of them get physical? i hope not. kev might’ve forgiven abuse in the past, odette is quaking, but she’s not a punching-bag, steven ! touch her and i’ll whoop your ass through the screen. how often do they argue/disagree? not often, honestly. what is there to argue about. their one convo is going great thus far. who is the first to apologise? kevin. she just leaps at the opportunity to apologize. she apologizes when she hasn’t even done anything wrong. the girl is malfunctioning, let me tell you.

SEX

who is on top? listen, kev might’ve had sex with two people . . . but that doesn’t necessarily means she knows what she’s doing. so steven. who is on the bottom? kev, the perpetual bottom. who has the strangest desires? i dunno, steven ? kev is too vanilla for this shit. any kinks? lord if i knew.who’s dominant in bed? steven, i’m guessing. is head ever in the equation? the fact that this is a question is honestly sad. i hope there is ! i can’t think about kevin sucking dick, though, so please don’t. if so, who is better at performing it? steven. definitely.ever had sex in public? no, that’s illegal.who moans the most? k to the e to the v.who leaves the most marks? probably steven.who screams the loudest? literally is that not the same as the question above. moaning and screaming what’s the heckin difference. who is the more experienced of the two? you don’t gotta ask me that ‘cause you know.do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? they’re both soft so take a gamble.rough or soft? see above.how long do they usually last? i wanna say whatever the national average. xoxois protection used? i hope so, i really do. kev’s smart enough for it. is steven? does it ever get boring? let’s be honest, she’s boring so probably.where is the strangest place they’d have sex? kev’s dreams.

FAMILY

do your muses plan on having children/or have children? i feel like steven wants kids but kevin definitely does not. she is a kid, why on earth would she want the responsibility of that when she can’t even take care of herself. if so, how many children do your muses want/have? steven probaby wants, like, 3 to replicate his own damn family. kev wants minus seventeen. who is the favorite parent? if we pretend that they will, in fact, end up with a little gremlin – steven. who is the authoritative parent? also steven. kev can’t even tell off a fly, let alone a snotty little brat. who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? steven, too. kev loves school, how dare her kids not.who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? kevin. she eats like a crap herself, and since steven works out . . . i’m guessing he does not. who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? also steven. kevin doesn’t understand sports. so unless it’s like a loud reading of mary shelly’s classics, then she’s not interested.who goes to parent teacher interviews? both. kevin is very non-threatening and sweet so teachers like her, steven asks the real questions and you know, is engaged and what not. best of both worlds. who changes the diapers? not kevin, that’s for sure. who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? kevin doesn’t sleep well as it is, so are you really gonna make her do that ? jk, she’s already up so she will.who spends the most time with the children? steven, without question.who packs their lunch boxes? steven, yet again. who gives their children ‘the talk’? oof, definitely not kevin. she never got the talk herself so she wouldn’t even know where to begin.who cleans up after the kids? both. kevin isn’t really a neat-freak but when shit’s sticky . . . that’s gross. who worries the most? kevin. kevin worries about literally everything and now she’s gonna have to worry about this little poop goblin ? she’s gonna have a heart attack. who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? how is this a question when kev has cussed like thrice in her life. she’s more likely to learn swears from her kids.

AFFECTION

who likes to cuddle? kev’s not big on physical contact like in general, so . . . i mean, she does but if it’s a question who likes it most it’s probably steven. who is the little spoon? kev. she’s wittle and she’s fragile and she needs all the protection in the whole wide world. who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? my bet’s on steven. get it together, man. who struggles to keep their hands to themself? still steven. but you know, i get it. danielle rose russell is baby. how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? they need frequent breaks. who gives the most kisses? the answer might surprise you, but – kev ! she likes smooching. who doesn’t. what is their favourite non-sexual activity? based on their current thread ? they enjoy helping drunks get into their ubers. where is their favourite place to cuddle? whoever’s bed kev is currently in. who is more likely to playfully grope the other? steven doesn’t seem the type but she’s less of the type to so i’m gonna go ahead and give it to stephen. how often do they get time to themselves? she’s got school and work and he’s got work and his underground fight club, their schedules clash it’s really sad.

SLEEPING

who snores? steven seems like a snorer. that’s why sienna doesn’t wanna live with him, actually. new head canon ! from me 2 you. if both do, who snores the loudest? i mean, if only one person snores – do the math.do they share a bed or sleep separately? they don’t live together, so . . . separately. if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? they start off together, end up not together. who talks in their sleep? kev, probably.what do they wear to bed? kev has straight up pj’s and steven seems like a t-shirt and boxers type of lad. are either of your muses insomniacs? kevin is fo cheezy. them night terrors really make it difficult to catch a snooze, you know. can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? hey, fun idea, have ronald prescribe this bitch some sleeping pills. steven step up your fucking game. that’s how you flirt, that’s how you woo a lady.do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? side by side type bitches.who wakes up with bed hair? steven, probably. kev’s the type to sleep with a ponytail to avoid this exact outcome.who wakes up first? kevin ‘cos she can’t fucking sleep. PERIOD !who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? i hope steven ‘cos kev can’t cook for shit.what is their favourite sleeping position? spooning, perhapth. who hogs the sheets? steven that troll.do they set an alarm each night? yes, they do. even when they don’t have to because kev’s bound to be awake at the crack of dawn anyhow. can a television be found in their bedroom? nope.who has nightmares? if you’ve been paying attention you would know this.who has ridiculous dreams? steven. he has fun, wacky dreams and kev has a pure trauma fest in hers. who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? steven, i was gonna say he’s a big boy but he really isn’t.who makes the bed? hopefully both ‘cos they got separate ones.what time is bed time? fuck if i know.any routines/rituals before bed? i bet steven’s a shower before bed lad and kev’s a shower in the morning gal . . . can i make it any more obvious. who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? steven, i bet.

WORK

who is the busiest? probably kevin ‘cos it’s like : her job, school, homework, friends, hamster maintenance . . . who rakes in the highest income? steven for sure.are any of your muses unemployed? nope. kev should be but by some miracle performed by god, she is not.who takes the most sick days? steven. kev can’t afford to have her boss dislike her. joseph please be kind to her. who is more likely to turn up late to work? kev. she just has this power to her that makes her stumble into everything and encounter disasters where there should be none.who sucks up to their boss? kevin. or well, she tries. what are their jobs? she’s a TA, he’s a bio teacher. who stresses the most? kev, we been knew. do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? they enjoy them. more steven than her. she’s really only there to get a degree. are your muses financially stable? i wanna say yes but . . . kev’s stable ‘cos the espinas are and i don’t know about steven. teacher’s don’t make that much.

HOME

who does the washing? kev doesn’t know how a washing machine works, so.who takes out the trash? kev can do that, she knows how that works.who does the ironing? nobody. they seem like a wrinkly pair. who does the cooking? steven, we been through this.who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? kevin.who is messier? kevin’s not messy she’s just scatter-brained, don’t bully her. who leaves the toilet roll empty? nobody, i hope.who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? steven. kevin knows where the hamper is, she just doesn’t know where to take it.who forgets to flush the toilet? NOBODY. nasty.who is the prankster around the house? steven, he’s the fun dude. she’s the boring, uptight loser who should die.who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? kev. she’d lose herself if she could.who mows the lawn? steven.who answers the telephone? steven. kev has phone anxiety, that’s my self-insert right there.who does the vacuuming? steven. the vacuum is too large and dangerous for a child like herself.who does the groceries? both. she likes to ride on the cart.who takes the longest to shower? steven, probably. she’s not a fan of . . . personal hygiene ? i don’t know, she’s gets in and she gets out. she’s not pippa.who spends the most time in the bathroom? steven, yet again.

MISCELLANEOUS

is money a problem? [ miss i wanna be racially ambiguous vc ] yuh.how many cars do they own? one. she doesn’t know how to drive.do they own their home or do they rent? she doesn’t fucking live with him, damnit. do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? no.do they live in the city or in the country? no 2.0.do they enjoy their surroundings? yeah, kev’s a fan of sheffield and i’m guessing so is he or he would ditch. maybe.what’s their song? i said the song playing, muffled outside the dam door, during this thread is baby, i love your way by will to power ‘cos it’s a 1989 bop and sheffield’s just late with everything, kay. what do they do when they’re away from each other? rejoice in the lack of added dorkery. where did they first meet? the party. the rager. the . . . rave. i don’t know people don’t invite me to drink.how did they first meet? he said he liked her shoelaces and she said thanks i got them from the president.who spends the most money when out shopping? steven. kev is cheap and also broke.who’s more likely to flash their assets? neither has got any, so.who finds it amusing when the other trips over? probably steven. at first. but you know she keeps doing it and then it becomes concerning.any mental issues? ha. yeah.who’s terrified of bugs? steven has a huge fear of ladybugs, it’s a thing you can google it.who kills the spiders around the house? kev carries them out. for steven its ON SIGHT.their favourite place? i dunno, hell where they both belong. who pays the bills? neither.do they have any fears for their future? kevin only fears for her future. who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? steven. what a good, good boy. sawyer helped him with it.who uses up all of the hot water? steven. he needs it to wash away his sins.who’s the tallest? steven. barely, she’s actually taller than she looks.who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? steven. kevin’s too much of a chickenshit to.who wanders around in their underwear? steven put some damn clothes on.who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? sawyer. how long has she been back there. creepy.what do they tease each other about? i said check back again in 3-4 business days, thanks. who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? steven. not ‘cos she’s got a shite one ( pippa dresses her, remember ) but because kevin doesn’t have enough fashion range to judge anybody. do they have mutual friends? nope.who crushed first? kevin. it’s happening as we speak. any alcohol or substance related problems? n…no. maybe i’m wrong. maybe steven’s a secret crackhead. who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? steven. bloody and bruised too. please get another braincell. who swears the most? steven. obviously.

#all posts / ko.#starring steven / ko.#answered / ko.#soulsbled #ask

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once-upon-a-ouat · 6 years

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OUAT Rewatch 1x16 “Heart of Darkness”

This episode got dark just as the title promised and I loved that. Just as Regina said, “Everyone has a dark side”. Even our beloved fairytale heroes. OUAT explores human nature rather thoroughly and always leaves me fascinated with the results.

Snow was such a badass in this episode. I loved that bloodthirsty side of her but I’m glad that she got back to how she was. It was still interesting to see what she would turn into without love in her heart. It also gave us some insight into the person that Regina has become although she didn’t have her love erased from her heart. I loved Snow’s resourcefulness in this episode. It’s already been established that she’s resourceful (she managed to survive on her own) but here it was a bit different. Combined with the hatred that was now the only thing left in her heart, her creativity got a dark side to it that was actually pretty frightening. The writers used the opportunity to show just how much Regina’s actions had hurt Snow and that the thing that was preventing her from returning the favor was the love that normally filled her heart. But with that love gone, she gave into the pain and the desire for revenge. I loved how she agreed to go with Grumpy because she was hoping Rumple could help her in her quest for vengeance. The interaction with the dwarfs at the beginning of the episode only strengthened the one in the end and the storyline in general. It was awesome to see her apologize to her friends and to see them be willing to risk everything to help her once again.

David in the Enchanted Forest was awesome to watch (to differ from his Storybrooke counterpart but I’ll get to that later). I loved that despite the fact that he set out to find Snow, he still had his own story going on and that interfered with his reunion with his love (btw, Red’s appearance was awesome albeit brief). Now, kissing a woman that doesn’t even remember you was not the best idea as he probably came to realize. And neither was taking an arrow although it was very romantic. I loved that he saw Snow's dark side but still didn't give up on her. You know that's a contrast to Storybrooke David so I won't delve deeper into it.

Rumple was awesome. He was very comical but an evil genius as always. I love how he gave Snow a potion to rid her of her love in order to get her hair to bottle said love because he was certain her love would be restored. I have to admit that the first time I watched this episode I thought "There's no way he'll succeed" and then it worked and he got love in a bottle and I was like "HOLY FUCK!". It was terrifying but also so fucking impressive.

Poor Mary Margaret! She had so much going on in the past episodes and now this. It's admirable she managed to keep it together for so long. Although she kinda had a meltdown during her questioning but it's totally understandable. The "I was talking to you" tho. Emma did not see that coming. The knife in the heating vent and David's distrust totally finished her. It was heartbreaking to see her so defeated in that last scene with Emma. It's understandable why she decided to escape (1. Why the hell are there no surveillance cameras in that Sheriff Station? 2. How did Regina plant the key under the freaking mattress?) but it was still upsetting because she said she trusted Emma and yet, her actions didn't show it.

Emma was so adorable in this episode. I loved how hard she was trying to prove Mary Margaret’s innocence, but also knew she had to move the case forward because otherwise Regina would fire her and then Mary Margaret would be in even more trouble. That scene between the two of them in the end of the episode was so awesome. Emma was just as upset as Mary Margaret about the current turn of events and I feel like she was losing her own faith in herself and that’s why she asked Mary Margaret to believe in her. Knowing that her friend had faith in her and counted on her would give her the needed strength to go forward and prove her innocence. I loved that she ended up going to Gold even though earlier in the episode she was trying to convince Mary Margaret not to trust him. “I approve of your results” was a great line in my opinion. It showed that Emma was ready to cross lines in order to protect the people she loves and we can also see that in the later seasons too. I loved her interactions with Henry, and the part with the skeleton keys was cool but I understand why she still doesn’t believe in the Curse. Skeleton keys are not necessarily magical although that particular set looked like something that came out of a book about fairytales. And now Emma is onto Regina. The conflict is getting messier and messier and I’m loving it.

I absolutely loved Regina in this episode. She was very self-aware here which we haven’t really seen from her before. She was always insisting that she wasn’t evil and wasn’t trying to ruin people’s lives, but here she really owned up to who she was. I loved the self-irony in “Evil doesn’t always look evil. Sometimes it’s staring right at us and we don’t even realize it.”. Smooth move, Regina. And I absolutely loved her scene with Mary Margaret. She looked so sympathetic and sounded so genuine. And, in fact, she was. There wasn’t even one lie in what she said. I loved how she compared herself with Mary Margaret. It was extremely funny because we know how much she hates her. I also loved how the writers keep reminding us about Regina’s motivation and build the suspense as to what happened. At this point we’ve had her mention her lost love five times and it makes us wonder how that happened.

David. Oh my God, David! Why? I’m so done with him. I can’t wait for the Curse to break so that he can stop being such an idiot (and I don’t really want the Curse broken; season one had a vibe to it that none of the next seasons could quite recapture). It was cute that he wanted to help Mary Margaret but then it all went to hell. I’m having a problem here with how the whole thing happened. Didn’t you fucking notice that in those memories Mary Margaret had long hair and was wearing... I don’t know, a fucking cloak? I think that was so unnecessary and the writers only included it to create drama. And they still haven’t explained why the fuck David suddenly started blacking out again.

Henry and August’s interaction was interesting. We got some more clues as to who August is and learned why he’s in Storybrooke, but just like before it simply raised more questions. I loved the air of mystery that the writers managed to create around August and we have a few more episodes to go before we finally learn who he is. It just creates even more suspense and the levels of that are already insane. On a side note, I loved the little moment between Henry and Ruby. Especially since she didn’t trust him in 1x04.

Gold was interesting to watch but I’m not very certain what he’s doing because, like I mentioned in my previous review, I really don’t remember how the main story developed. I know the general direction in which it went but I can’t recall details so I’m a bit lost here and therefore can’t really say much about him in this episode. Maybe after watching the next episodes I’ll be able to piece it together and will discuss his course of actions in one of the upcoming reviews.

Favorite scene: David and Snow’s True Love’s kiss. That scene was so amazing. I cried because of how sweet their reunion was. David managed to restore the love in her heart. How romantic is that? It was really moving. But of course they had to ruin the moment. Now though it’s Snow’s turn to find David. I think it was kinda dumb of George’s people to just leave her in the woods though. It was obvious that David cared very much about her which meant that George could use her to cause him pain. If they were a little smarter, they would’ve taken her with them. But the scene was cool anyway.

Least favorite scene: David asking Mary Margaret if she killed Kathryn. I honestly don’t know what he expected from that conversation. Even if she had killed her, she surely wouldn’t have told him. That was so idiotic of him. What I loved from that scene was that Mary Margaret told him to get lost. It was hard as hell for her but she still stood up for herself and I respect her for that. The contrast between that scene and the one above though. It served very well to show us once again how much exactly the Curse is screwing them over.

Favorite line: “I always believe evil isn’t born. It’s made.” - Regina to David

There were so many great lines in this episode and I had such a hard time choosing only one, but ultimately I decided on this one. It resonates with my beliefs and I loved it since the first time I heard it.

Least favorite line: “Words, words, words. That’s what love is.” - Snow to David

Okay, I needed a least favorite line and this sounded disrespectful towards love so that’s why it’s here.

I loved this episode. It built quite well on the foundation that the last episode established. I loved the development in most of the relationships featured throughout it. Ginnifer Goodwin portrayed Snow's change of heart very well. Also, soundtrack. The episode was very intriguing and I can't wait to see what tricks the characters will pull out of their sleeves next time.

#ouat rewatch #once upon a time #ouat #season 1 #1x16 #heart of darkness #operation end

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met4n0i4 · 4 years

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Master cleansing method, for those nasty energies that won’t come out.

Hey, guys. This is the weirdest prompt ever. I’m in my van writing on my phone. But I couldn’t just shake this post off my head and I’m not heading home. So I had to do it. I’m sorry if it’s specially bad written or has more typos than others but when the muse calls, we answer.

So, it’s been a couple of days since I talked to you about detoxing and I hope you now understand that there’s a lot of energy that we put out there in the universe, some time or another. And that we have to remove or transmute it. Because that stuck energy is most of the times the one blocking our manifestations.

You now know that transmuting your negative thoughts and transforming them into positives is not just something that happens in your mind. It affects your body, too. And that transmuted stuck energy literally comes out of your body as sweat, pee, poop, and mucus. Funny how our bodies are hyper sensitive to our every thought, huh?

But, today I just remembered that when I first got this and started transmuting my thoughts, something besides the detox started happening. I would out of nowhere get this really intense emotions and thoughts that I just couldn’t turn around.

I lived with my family back then. One brother, one sister and my parents. And I remember my family used to leave very early. Of course that meant that they usually would leave some mess back in the kitchen. Being a nice guy and all, I used to clean after their mess. After all, I had more time in the morning before I left.

But the more I cleaned, the messier the kitchen got in the mornings. After a while that was out of control. After a few months the kitchen looked like a gotcha camp for three years old. I’m not kidding when I say there was juice dripping from the counter to the floor. And sometimes there was even food on the walls.

I started to get a little uncomfortable about it. But I never complained. I kept cleaning after all my family. But you know what? It did get me a little mad. I felt like I was being abused somehow. But it was just like a little anger and when I saw my family later in the day it was gone. I didn’t even remember the morning mess. And so that same thing kept happening for months.

Well, after I started transmuting my thoughts, everything seemed great. I was casting spells about my beautiful body and my millionaire lifestyle mostly. I was detoxing hard. Yep, it hit me hard. But at the same time I was having some sprouts of happiness here and there. So I knew I was getting somewhere even with the mixed signs I was getting, that now I come to understand where just the detox.

But one day I woke up just like any day, went to the kitchen and guess what? It was the worse I’d seen it in my life. And I just 🔥🔥 🔥

I couldn’t transmute my thoughts about that kitchen. And to be honest I knew in my mind it wasn’t such a big deal. I was getting way too angry over nothing. Besides, I could just NOT clean the kitchen and nothing would’ve happened. No one was making me do it after all.

But I just couldn’t control my anger. It was too freaking much. I had been very successful at transmuting my thoughts up to this day. And now I just couldn’t stop thinking of how ungrateful and inconsiderate my whole family was. Why couldn’t they just pick their plates? Why is there food on the floor? What are they? Humans or pigs? My god! Why couldn’t I just chill????

Well, my friends. From what I’d leaned si concluded one thing. This had to be addressed ASAP! My emotions and my mind where telling me that there was this accumulated energy under the rug that I hadn’t dealt with for a very long time. And what do you do when something like this comes up? Yep, clean it up.

But as much as I though ‘My family is so clean! They are so considerate to me. They clean while they cook just like me. Everyone’s so organized that even with the dirty dishes the kitchen looks good. I only find food on dishes.’, it was just not working. That rage was not going anywhere!

How am I supposed to clean all that filth surrounding me in thought and emotion? And then inspiration hit me. I previously told you that I read and tried a lot of things before I came to all this. So I remembered one specific practice that Saint Germain suggested. No, it was not a suggestion, he clearly said it was essential or we wouldn’t see much progress. And it was the use of the violet flame.

Well, to put into very few worlds the violet flame was supposed to have 3x more grease cleaning power! All I had to do is use the next spell. ‘I am the violet flame that cleans and transmutes all this negative energy. Root, cause and consequence, cleans it all. Cleans perfectly and deep. 🧼 The violet flame is supposed to be the love of God in action, that forgives past negative thinking. So, it’s supposed to be powerful!

So guys, I did it. I lay down on my bed and started casting the violet flame over me, my kitchen and my whole family. ‘I am the violet flame that cleans and corrects all the negative energy around that kitchen. I am the violet flame that consumes and transmutes all my anger.’

See, I didn’t know what spell to cast or what to transmute specifically, so I used something a bit more general. Clean, correct, fix, scrub 🧽 all this energy that is now coming to the front! And it did. In about half an hour I could feel relief. Something was lifting from me. The uncontrollable anger was completely gone and I was amazed. It was like it never had been there in the first place.

See, when I first used the violet flame there was nothing this strong to transmute. That’s probably why I didn’t feel its effects and didn’t stick to it. But now that I was slowly cleaning thoughts, big chunks of negative energy where coming forward to be dealt with, and the violet flame turned out to be a life saver! Just like Dawn, with active suds for squeaky clean dishes!

And then I understood that I could just cast a spell to clean whatever’s wrong! I might not know what’s wrong or how to fix it. What would things look like if I remove that energy. But I can cast a spell to just clean and fix. And I started using it.

Guys, I didn’t just use the violet flame. Some of you might already have figured this out. But sometimes a very powerful spell that usually works like a charm, doesn’t seem to work in other situations or in different moments. So at times I’ve used the blood of Christ to clean and correct. I’ve soaked in God’s love. Or any other thing that seems to work better at each moment. And they all work.

See, I believe in God so thinking of God’s love cleansing me was powerful. But everyone has to find their own spell. If you believe in the tears of Pachamama,for the love of God use that. If you believe in fairies dust, then use that! Just like any spell, it has to be personal and close to you.

I never told you this but lots of people telling me that one spell about being sexier than Brad Pitt doesn’t do it for me. I’m sorry, the guy doesn’t turn me on! What are we gonna do about it? So find a spell that works for you in this situation.

I’ve come to figure out that believing in something more powerful than us helps. People, who believe in something or someone bigger and loving is helping them, usually have better results for this kind of cleansing. For me, God’s love, whoever God is, did the trick. But you get the help from your favorite archangel, saint, ascended master, or Pokémon. It’s all good.

Only conditions is it has to be very very powerful and it has to be loving.

So well, after learning and applying this powerful force of nature that cleanses very strong emotions and thoughts that arise after some house cleaning, I started applying it to the most difficult things. That’s how I healed a shoulder pain that was not going away with the day to day transmuting. Pain was gone in less than a week with this spell, and it had been there for more than a year.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you stop doing the every day magic. That’s still mandatory to get results. This one trick is just for the most stubborn stains! And it will come with some detox of course. But we want all that energy out so let the detox come.

And so, now you know. If you are experiencing this super hardcore thoughts or emotions, and normal transmuting everyday thoughts is not helping. Well, this right here might do the trick. Use it wisely and have a happy deep kitchen cleaning!

⚠️ Using this technique may cause excessive diarrhea.

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dumbledoresaidcalmly · 7 years

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The Last Enemy - James x Lily Fanfiction

Can be found at https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12637484/1/The-Last-Enemy

Chapter 1 It was September 1st and sunlight streamed through the windows lining the ceiling of Platform 9 ¾. Lily Evans peered at her watch for the millionth time that minute. Knowing the following was inevitable, she gave another pleading look to her sister. Petunia Evans was glaring daggers at the people around her until she shifted her eyes to land on her sister’s. Knowing it was her final chance to patch things up, Lily spoke.

“Tuney,” she began with her childhood nickname, “I’m sorry. So unbelievably sorry! It was just an accident, I’m sure, and I would never let anything like that happen to you if I had known! I–”

Petunia scoffed. “It’s not about that! You stand there, thinking you’re so special going to school to learn and have magic while being around other people just like you!”

Lily paused at her sister’s words. She thought this was about the incident with Snape. But maybe it was something else, she couldn’t tell.

“…I’m sorry, Tuney, I’m sorry! Listen–” Lily grabbed Petunia’s inching away hand to better make a connection with her. “Maybe, once I’m there, I’ll be able to go to Professor Dumbledore and persuade him to change his mind!”

Petunia struggled to wrench her hand out of Lily’s grip. “I don’t–want–to–go!” she exclaimed. “You think I want to go to some stupid castle and learn to be a–a–you think I want to be a–a freak?” she finally spit out.

Lily felt her heart breaking; if she wasn’t close to tears before, she certainly was now. Petunia finally tugged her hand free. Lily was finally alone. “I’m not a freak. That’s a horrible thing to say,” she muttered.

“That’s where you’re going,” Petunia continued with relish, “A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy… weirdos, that’s what the two of you are. It’s good you’re being separated from normal people. It’s for our safety.”

As Lily’s heart stung more with the cruel words, she looked for her parents. They were both standing a ways away, blissfully unaware of the two of them while they drank in the sights of the exciting wizarding community. She turned back to Petunia, gaining a new strength to defend herself and not be denounced by her sister.

“You didn’t think it was such a freak’s school when you wrote to the Headmaster and begged him to take you.” Lily retorted. Petunia’s face reddened.

“Beg? I didn’t beg!” she sputtered.

“I saw his reply. It was very kind.”

“You shouldn’t have read–That was was my private–how could you–?”

A memory flashed in Lily’s mind. She and Snape going into her room one day and finding a Hogwarts letter on her nightstand. They read it as an investigation. Knowing Snape was a few feet away, Lily glanced at her shared secret keeper as a force of habit. Petunia gasped.

“That boy found it! You and that boy have been sneaking in my room!”

“No, not sneaking! Severus saw that envelope, and he couldn’t believe a Muggle could have contacted Hogwarts, that’s all! He says there must be wizards working undercover in the postal service who take care of–”

“Apparently wizards poke their noses in everywhere!” Petunia exclaimed, her red face replaced to one of pale terror, “Freak!” she finally spat before fleeing to the familiarity of her parents. Lily stood for a moment, trying to gain control of her tears. ‘Put on a brave face’, she thought, ‘Just get on the train.’

Lily said goodbye to her parents as they sent her off with words of love and absolute pride for her. Petunia stayed away. The wizard conductor gave the final call for boarding and Lily wasted no time stepping onto the train, desperately needing a compartment to herself for a while.

Locating an empty car near the end of the train, she hastily entered and shut the door. Taking the seat nearest to the window, Lily rested her forehead against the cool glass overlooking the packed platform littered with wizard parents, and screeching owls. This is when she finally let her tears fall freely. Why didn’t Petunia love her anymore? She probably was a freak. Maybe she was making up her magic ability. It probably wasn’t real.

Outside the compartment, a group of first year boys blocked the door, shouting and talking excitedly about magic. Lily hated them for no reason. There was a sudden lurch as the train sprung to life. Lily brushed her tears away as the car door opened and someone from the cluster in the corridor poked his head in. A boy with a mess of dark black hair on his head and grey eyes met Lily’s green ones.

“Hey, mind if we join you?” he asked. Before Lily could respond, the door was opened further, letting three more first years join the boy in taking their seats. Lily found this kind of rude but brushed those thoughts aside, as she would have said yes to him anyway.

The grey eyed boy stuck his hand out for Lily to shake. “I’m Sirius by the way,” he said confidently. Lily took Sirius’ hand.

“I’m Lily. Pleased to meet you.” By now, the other boys had their attention on Lily.

The boy with a slimmer face and brown hair stuck his hand up in an awkward wave. “I’m Remus,” he greeted.

The boy with a messier head of hair than Sirius flamboyantly stretched across the compartment, extending his hand for Lily to shake. “James Potter,” he exclaimed.

Shaking James’ hand Lily looked to the last boy to introduce himself, who had mousy brown hair and was the shortest of the four.

“I’m Peter. Hello,” he mumbled sheepishly.

James took his hand away abruptly and started ruffling in his school trunk for something. The air was then draped in an unpleasant silence and Lily turned her head to again be leaning against the window. Remus, Peter and Sirius started discussing Quidditch teams which Lily listened halfheartedly, having heard of this briefly from Snape in one of their hang outs.

Sirius watched as James rummaged from his trunk. He gasped suddenly at something tucked just out of sight. “What are these?!” he gasped as he lunged for the stack of cards. James looked up to see what had been discovered. He smiled superiorly. “That’s only my collection of Chocolate Frog cards. I’ve gathered them for years and that’s not going to stop now that I’ve got school,” Sirius leafed through them excitedly. “There’s rare ones in there so don’t mess any of them up,” James warned. The onlooking Peter choked on air as he studied the deck.

“Morgana Le Fey and Herpo the Foul?! How’d you get these?” Peter asked.

“I got talent,” James bragged.

“Stole them off some bloke, more like it,” Sirius stared in disbelief.

“And, look,” James grabbed a second deck from in his trunk. “Mint condition Merlin.” James had become a god… In the vaguest of senses. Remus had disappeared some time ago behind a copy of ‘How Not To Blow Off Your Fingers On The First Day’ by Julius Gummidge.

The compartment door opened and a cheerful old woman peered in with a welcome, “Anything from the trolley, dears?”

“One chocolate cauldron, please,” Peter asked politely, handing over the sickles to pay.

Sirius fished out a few sickles and knuts and handed them to the lady. “Licorice wand and pumpkin pasties please,” he ordered curtly.

Remus and James both paid for Chocolate Frogs and Bertie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans. When the trolley lady looked to Lily if she wanted anything, she politely refused with a shake of her head. After the compartment door was closed again, comfortable silence started as the boys ate their sweets. These were only fueling the sugar high that soon took over all of them. Sirius and James ended up in a wrestling match, one which Sirius was winning but James wasn’t having any of that. Remus disappeared back into his book and Peter chowed down on his cauldron cake and watched James and Sirius be entertaining. Lily stayed with her face towards the window, keeping out of unwanted attention for the moment.

Watching the sunny countryside pass, Petunia crept back into focus in Lily’s mind. Her sister hated her. There was nothing she could do to change that, no matter what. It was hopeless. Lily faintly heard footsteps stop suddenly outside the compartment. The door swept open and closed and Severus Snape took his seat directly across from her. Glancing at him, she could only imagine what the obvious tear streaks on her face looked like to him.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Lily said in a constricted tone.

“Why not?” was all he could ask.

Speaking to Severus made Lily delve back to her problems she wanted to ignore above all others. She took a shuddery breath, “Tuney h–hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore.”

“So what?” Severus asked in such genuine nonchalant that made Lily angry. She glared at him.

“So she’s my sister!” she snapped at him. Lily wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, careful to not give telltale signs of crying from the other people in the carriage with them. Severus said something else, but Lily didn’t want to hear any defense from him.

“But we’re going!” Severus pointed out to her. “This is it! We’re off to Hogwarts!” his excitement was impossible to ignore and it got an optimistic look from Lily despite her awful mood. Severus saw that slight change and relaxed, glad to be free of the tension between them. “You’d better be in Slytherin,” he added with a new confidence in him.

When that comment reached the ears of the others in the compartment, the James boy swiveled around to give it full attention. “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” he asked the question to Sirius across from him.

“My whole family have been in Slytherin,” Sirius replied with no smile reaching his face.

“Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right!”

“Maybe I’ll break the tradition,” Sirius smiled at the idea. “Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?”

James answered by raising an invisible sword heroically in victory. “‘Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!’ Like my dad.”

Severus scoffed slightly which made James turn on him. “Got a problem with that?” he demanded.

“No,” he answered with a noticeable sneer that said otherwise, “If you’d rather be brawny than brainy-”

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” Sirius slyly asked.

James let out a howl of laughter which was the cue for Lily to leave the compartment with Severus. She stood up and glared at James and Sirius who were laughing with the other two of their entourage. “Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.” she said hotly.

“Oooooooooo…” James and Sirius drawled in high voices, imitating Lily. James stuck out his leg to trip Severus on his way out. Before the compartment could close, Peter suddenly called out, “See ya, Snivellus!” with an air of confidence.

Lily slammed the doors shut on the boys and laughter erupted from inside.

“So. Where’s your seat?” she asked Severus.

“Just follow me.”

The two ended up in a carriage with a couple of Ravenclaws. After idle small talk, Lily and Severus sat comfortably in each other’s company. The train ride from that point was pleasant as the thought of the terrible group of boys was pushed away as the excitement of the new year flooded the mind.

When Lily changed into her school robes, it was dark outside and Hogwarts could be seen faintly in the distance. The Hogwarts Express was rushing over grassy fields freshly dewed from mid-day showers so it sparkled extravagantly in the moonlight, replacing Lily’s nervousness with pure astonishment. The train came to a stop and Severus and Lily stepped onto the stoney path ahead of them hand in hand as they looked at the massive figure calling out, “Firs’ years! Firs’ years follow me!” holding a large lantern the size of a large owl cage.

The giant man led all the new students down a narrow downhill path that led to the edge of an enormous lake. From there, the Hogwarts castle was in full view and everyone marveled at it. Perched on a mountain on the opposite side of the lake, the glinting lights from within shining like stars, the castle seemed like a dream.

“Only four in a boat!” instructed the towering man.

Lily and Severus got in one of the boats followed by two other girls. The train group Lily met before all filed loudly in a boat thankfully a ways away from theirs. Once everyone was filed into boats, they pushed off from the shore onto the mirror still water. No one spoke except for the obvious few.

“Excuse me, sir! But, what do people call you? And why are we following you blindly?” James asked bluntly.

The giant man looked mildly surprised at this question, as if no first year ever had the courage to ask someone so intimidating anything. His eyes twinkled with the opportunity to meet someone truly interested. “The name’s Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts. Yeh can all call me Hagrid. An’ I’m in charge of gettn’ all yeh firs’ years to the castle fer sortin’!” he introduced. There was silence once more.

“So, if you’re the groundskeeper, you tend to the lake as well?” James asked again.

“Tha’s right.”

“Is it true there’s a giant squid living down there?”

“Ah… yes.”

“When was the last time it ate a student?”

“Never, I don’ think”

“Perfect. A new feat,” James beamed optimistically. With a jolt, he faked lunged at Peter, causing him to panic and lurch the boat to be dangerously close to capsizing. Neighboring boats burst out laughing, making the tension melt away as the students passed under a huge cliff, through a curtain of ivy, and through a dark tunnel that led to an underground harbor right underneath the castle.

Everyone clamoured up a pebbled path that led to huge oak doors. They were finally here. Lily squeaked with excitement. When Hagrid went up to the castle doors and knocked three times, they opened immediately to reveal a tall, slender, dark haired witch deemed in robes of a dull scarlet that matched her pointed hat. The few murmuring students fell silent since this witch was hardly one to be messed with.

“Hagrid,” the witch addressed. “I commend you for your punctuality, but there is no need to arrive so close to the wire.”

“Terribly sorry, Professor McGonagall, it won’ happen again.”

“Thank you very much. I’ll take them from here.”

With a sweeping hand, Professor McGonagall ushered everyone into a high ceilinged entrance hall that was a spectacle all in itself. There was faint chattering coming from a tall doorway on the right of the hall and another surge of excitement and anxiousness flew up and down Lily’s spine; the feeling continued while entering a small, cramped room. The Professor appeared at the head of the crowd.

“Welcome to Hogwarts. The start of term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is-” Lily internally sighed at the introduction, having heard the gist of the speech from Severus over the summer when asking the countless questions about the wizarding world. Still, she kept steady eye contact, fearing that any actions committed might ruin her chances of entering the school.

“-the Sorting Ceremony will take place in front of the school in a few minutes. I suggest you all compose yourselves beforehand,” McGonagall made her way towards the door. “I shall come back when we’re ready for you. Please wait quietly.” And she left.

Lily rocked back and forth, looking up at the ceiling, smoothed out her robes, trying to steel herself for the ceremony.

“Are you nervous?” Severus whispered beside her.

“A bit, yeah,” she swallowed. Her heart was beating with anticipation. “It’s just a hat, right?”

“Yeah, just a hat,” Severus reassured.

Others around them were marveling at the few portraits on the wall, shrieked with surprise when they spoke to them and were too shy to speak back. One particular student, Lily saw, was staring fixedly at the ground, willing himself not to be sick. She figured she’d be the same if she never had met Sev.

“Yeah, whatever the test is, I’m gonna be ready for it,” James could be heard in the corner of the room. “I’ve watched my dad do all kinds of spells before. But if it’s some pop quiz or something, I’m sure I can get out of it.”

Before any retort could be made back to James, the doors opened to reveal Professor McGonagall again.

“The Sorting Ceremony is about to begin,” she announced. “Form yourselves in a line and follow me.”

Eager students filed in a single line as the Professor lead them to a set of heavy double doors. With Lily in tow behind Severus, peered up to the elevated platform where all the teachers seemed to be sitting. And on a rickety stool, the center of attention was on a brown, patched, pointed hat. Students jumped as the hat sprung to life, opening a rip above the brim like a yawning mouth. To the first year’s bewilderment, the hat started to sing:

“Here I sit with all attention

pointed right on me

and soon I’ll tell with much delight,

of what I can foresee.

I am the Sorting Hat of Hogwarts.

Why? That’s shown quite clearly

Step yourself up to this stool And your mind will work just plainly.

For in your mind, there is a secret

Of what? I can’t be sure.

But I can find them

And I can tell you what you have in store.

Is your heart filled to burst with kindness

and you think you’ve had enough?

Then I would think the perfect House

is dear, great Hufflepuff.

Or maybe you are cunning

and your drive is more than most.

Then I will welcome hither in

for you belong in Slytherin.

But if your mind is strong

And you’re unafraid to speak your flaws

then you value the gift of learning

and you’re true House is the one of Ravenclaw

Or you are brave and mighty

with courage to settle any score

You certainly show chivalry

Then you’re destined to be in Gryffindor

Please try not to be alarmed

And also try not to get upset

For I am the Sorting Hat and you will see

that I’ll leave you with no regret.

Come sit upon my chair

I can assure there’ll be no mishap

Let me welcome you to Hogwarts

For I’m their Thinking Cap!”

The hall erupted in applause and cheers and the hat gave hefty bows to each student table before appearing motionless again. Lily’s cheeks hurt from smiling. She couldn’t have thought of anything more enjoyable than that performance. But a knot formed prominently in her throat when she saw McGonagall standing next to the Sorting Hat with a large scroll that she knew her name was on.

“When I call your name, come sit on the stool to be sorted,” McGonagall stated to the waiting crowd. “Armando, William.”

A young boy with full baby cheeks stepped up to the hat and sat prominently into attention. The hat was lowered onto his head, getting caught by his large ears. There was a pause from the hat.

“RAVENCLAW!” the hat shouted.

The table to the immediate right of the center of the hall cheered loudly. The young William scurried to his new classmates.

“Black, Sirius.” McGonagall called.

Lily saw in her peripheral vision Sirius tense up. James and Remus clapped him encouragingly on the back. Peter gave an optimistic smile. Sirius sat on the stool and the hat sat on his head.

“GRYFFINDOR!” the hat immediately bellowed.

It took a moment, but a shell-shocked Sirius Black stumbled off the stool, flashed a grin to the other first years, and sat grateful at the Gryffindor table.

Realizing that she would soon be called, a terrifying thought crossed Lily’s mind. What was she supposed to think about when she had the hat on the head. That wasn’t stated clearly in the beginning introductions. Or it was and she just missed it. Panic flooded through Lily once more as she searched her mind for something to think about for the Sorting Hat. She looked to Severus and used him as her anchor for her nerves. Lily also peered around her at the different tables, looking at the different students. The older ones seemed nice. She really didn’t have to be intimidated at all. This school seemed forgiving and welcoming to all. There was even a boy in green robes with long, platinum blond hair. She thought he looked ridiculous and so Lily looked away quickly to avoid letting out a snicker.

“Evans, Lily.”

Jostled back to present, Lily managed a small grin as she stepped to the stool despite her shaking legs. When the hat came down on her head she thought a simple “Hello.”

The hat barely sat there a second before bellowing, “GRYFFINDOR!”

The table that had welcomed Sirius burst in applause and Lily made her way to her House. Looking back to Severus, he gave her fleeting smile which she returned; he seemed disappointed with Lily not being in Slytherin. She wanted to make it up to him somehow.

The Sorting continued and Lily had a ways to wait for the “S” last names so she could cheer on Severus. Name after name was called on Professor McGonagall’s list. After the name “Longbottom” went to Hufflepuff, Remus Lupin from the train was called. Sitting on the stool, the Sorting Hat crisply shouted “GRYFFINDOR!” and he made it to the table to meet Sirius’ high five. There was a “McDonald” and a “McKinnon” both to Gryffindor, “Nelson” to Ravenclaw, “Nobson” to Slytherin, and all the rest of the Sortings went quickly and efficiently. Until Peter Pettigrew.

The hat sat on his head silently, an internal pleading and struggle was plain on Peter’s face. After a few minutes, the hat bellowed “GRYFFINDOR!” and Peter collapsed at his new House table. Remus and Sirius gave him pats of congratulations. There was murmuring around the other tables. Lily heard the word “hatstall” being passed around.

The next sorting worth mentioning was the frivolous James Potter. He strode up to the hat with the utmost confidence and determination, seemingly charged on adrenaline alone. The hat spoke out “GRYFFINDOR!” before even grazing his head. James left the stool and gave a fist to the air in triumph. Sirius, Remus, and Peter cheered deafeningly as James sat at the table. Lily couldn’t help but smile at the cheeriness of the group.

Skipping a few, and McGonagall finally called “Snape, Severus.” Lily leaned forward and hoped that whatever happened, her friend would be happy in whatever House he was Sorted in. Thankfully, as soon as the hat met Sev’s head, it bellowed “SLYTHERIN!” and he quickly sat at his table. Lily and Severus met eyes and smiled from across the room but there was a bitter sweetness between them. The Sorting quickly ended and there was a gentle murmuring of voices across the hall. Most of the first years were discussing being starved. Lily overheard a few of her new housemates talking.

“I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse.”

“Don’t you mean a unicorn?”

“Don’t be stupid, James.”

“You’re right, I can do better.”

The crowd fell silent as a man at the head of the elevated table with a long white beard and half moon glasses. He spoke confidently.

“Welcome,” he began. “to a brand new year at Hogwarts! This year will, in no doubt, be better than the last! Let us all enjoy our feast!” And with a wave of his hand, the golden plates set in front of students in the hall were stacked to tipping point with food of the greatest variety. All the first years gaped and soon began loading their dishes to their heart’s content. Hurriedly, Lily stacked some mashed potatoes and roasted turkey onto her plate and began pushing away from the table when a voice interrupted her.

“My dear lady, where are you headed off to?”

Turning, Lily jumped at the sight of an actual ghost in a ruffled collar speaking to her. “-I was just going to-” Lily could only point in the general direction of Severus at the Slytherin table.

The ghost gave her a regretful look. “I’m sorry to say, you’re only permitted to eat at your House table with all of your comrades.” Lily nodded briefly and the ghost gave her a curt nod before passing right through her. Lily shivered as the feeling of cold water being poured over her head passed. She absent mindedly sat back at her spot and stared blankly at her food, deciding on what just happened.

“Honestly, you couldn’t tell at all. Everyone’s sure to look nervous when they step up.”

“Yeah, but my knees shook the chair,” The girl across the table fretted. “My large, door knob knees.”

“Alice, you’re worrying too much. At least you were sorted!” The battling voice assured Alice.

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m in Gryffindor. Can you imagine? Me, all tall and honorable? I only thought Gryffindor were full of themselves, at least that’s what my mum always said, being from Ravenclaw and all that.”

“Some of that’s still true,” a third voice added in. She nodded her head over to a couple Gryffindor boys sticking hands and utensils through unsuspecting headless horsemen ghosts. Lily joined in with the other girls’ giggling.

“They’re supposed to be older than us, aren’t they?” Lily casually jibed.

“Quite right. But, at least there’s proof we won’t die of boredom at this school,” The first girl agreed. She turned to Lily. “Hi, I’m Marlene.”

“I’m Lily,” she smiled.

Alice had started running her hands through the blond hair draped over her shoulder. “I’m Alice.”

“I’m Mary,” said the voice from down the table.

“Happy first day,” Lily greeted.

“‘Tis a fine evening to be sure,” The ghost was back. “Especially with an excellent grouping of new Gryffindors like yourselves.”

“I bet you say that every year, Sir Nicholas,” Marlene said.

“That’s because it’s true every year.” Sir Nicholas decided as he glided away. As he was leaving, Alice leaned after him.

“It was nice to meet you!” she called.

Afterwards, there was a comfortable silence between the little group that resulted in Lily’s ears drifting farther up the table.

“I can’t believe it,” Peter gasped. “I bet I looked like a right git sitting there. In front of Dumbledore too! The Albus Dumbledore!”

“Aw, Pete. It’s not that bad. I’m just glad that we get to keep you around,” Sirius tried to console.

“But he’s a legend! I’d give anything to know what he thinks of me.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. He’s been at this school for so long, every student probably looks the same to him,” James reassured cooly, popping an apple wedge in his mouth.

“And if he doesn’t take to you, I’ll bet he’ll get you like he did Grindelwald,” Sirius snickered.

“Bet that’d be a laugh, wouldn’ it?”

“It’d really be something to see them close this school. But that’d probably wouldn’t happen even then.” Remus exclaimed.

“Good to know I mean that much,” Peter grumbled feebly.

“Come now, Pete. You’re our pal now! You’re already part of our new team,” James said cheerily.

“What do we need a team for?” Remus asked.

“Rames, we have the opportunity of a lifetime here! Imagine it, all four of us ruling the school by 7th year. We’ve got to start early to make our mark as soon as possible. And you lucky lads have been chosen by me to help on my conquest,” James exclaimed.

“Whatever you want, mate.” Sirius conceded.

“No take backs,” James stated as Remus and Peter nodded in agreement with Sirius.

Lily picked up her glass and wondered about that group. James seemed to be full of himself. But, with one taste of her drink, he was pushed from her mind.

The feast ended with the rich desserts being cleared from each golden plate and the Hall was still fresh with new friendships being made. Dumbledore stood up once again.

“Before you all depart to your respected Houses, I have a few start-of-term notices to announce,” the entire hall was silent. “First years, you shall note that the forest on Hogwarts grounds is forbidden to enter. And if you’re an older student of Hogwarts, let this be your reminder.

“Secondly, I’ve been reminded by our caretaker, Mr. Apollyon Pringle, that there will be no wandering the corridors after hours and no magic is to be used between classes in the corridors.”

“And finally, Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone who’s interested in trying out and playing for their house teams should contact Madame Hooch.

“Now, all of you, off to bed!” Dumbledore declared with a wide sweep of his hands and a wide grin on his face. The hall erupted with cheers.

The Head Girl and Boy of Gryffindor started leading the first years away towards their bed chambers. Lily purposely strayed to the back of the line and scanned the crowd of students for Severus.

“Hey Lily, are you coming?” Mary asked.

“I’ll catch up with you later!” Lily yelled back.

Lily finally saw Severus walking with the other Slytherins. They made eye contact and ducked together in the passing crowds.

“Hi,” Lily started awkwardly.

“Hey,” Severus said uneasily.

“Listen, I’m sorry that I’m not in the same House as you. There’s really no control over it.”

Severus held up his hands abruptly. “It’s okay. We can still hang out all the time… Slytherin and Gryffindor have a few classes together so we can still see each other.”

Lily sighed in relief at the reassurance. “I’m glad. I thought you’d think differently of me.”

“I’d never think badly about you, Lily.” Severus stated sincerely.

“Aw, Sev you’re the best.” Lily concluded. “I gotta go catch up with the others. I’ll see you later!” And Lily ran off, leaving Severus with a smile so big that hurt.

Lily followed the remaining crowd of Gryffindors down a hallway that led deeper into the castle. She was in the midst of upperclassman so she nimbly skirted back to the first years and landed right next to Mary.

“There you are! I was afraid you’d miss the password handouts.”

The mass of students made it to an open stairwell with giant, looming, stone steps leading to different landings. One of the leading voices instructed the students from ahead.

“Keep an eye on the moving staircases. They have that name for a reason. Please know where you’re going. Don’t get lost.” the Head Girl directed.

Better said than done, of course. Lily thought.

The first years were led to a portrait that touched the ceiling and floor. In the portrait was a woman in a pink, lace dress placed in front of an exotic background. Like the portraits from the waiting room, she came to life.

“Password?” she asked.

“Nether Wart,” The Head boy answered and the portrait swung forward to reveal the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round tower room warmly lit with crackling firelight from the fireplaces; light bouncing off the overstuffed couches and chairs in the room.

“Hello all first years! My name is Claire Switch, your Gryffindor Head Girl for this year.”

“And I’m Head Boy, Michael Mcconville. If any of you have questions at all this year about schedules or where your classes are, come to us.”

“Now, we were fortunate to not run into him, but I advise you all to steer clear of Peeves the Poltergeist. But if Peeves does run into you, and you’ll know it because he’ll be throwing things at you, just ignore him.”

“Just letting you know about that. Now, girls dormitories are to your right and boys to your left. You’ll get your schedules first thing tomorrow morning. We’ll wake you up tomorrow in time for breakfast.”

“Sleep well!” Claire said before leaving, being trailed by Michael.

“Hey Marlene, can I bunk next to you?” Lily asked once everyone filed into their bedroom tower.

“Sure, of course.” Marlene yawned before sprawling on her poster bed.

Lily claimed her bed and pulled her curtains shut after poking her head out to bid a quick goodnight to her Gryffindor friends. She dug in her trunk from the side of her bed and pulled out one of her new quills, a parchment, and an ink bottle and started a letter to her parents.

Dear Mum and Dad,

I’m writing like I promised I would! Hogwarts is absolutely spectacular and I can tell that school’s going to be a blast. The train ride was lovely and I’m very safe and comfortable, so there’s no need to worry. I got sorted into Gryffindor house and I think I’ve made new friends already. Severus sends his love. I’ll write to you as often as I can. Tell Petunia I miss her.

Lots of Love, Lily

Lily knew that her parents would like a longer update on the last few hours but it was the best she could manage against her worsening fatigue. She tucked the letter on top of the heap currently in her trunk and got under the covers to finally conclude her first night at Hogwarts.

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Episode 8: “#StayLowAndGoGoGo” - Tom

I MADE IT WOOOOOOOO MILESTONE NUMBER 2

WE MERGED. THANK THE LORD, THE STARS AND EVERYTHING ABOVEEEE.

okay and thoughts. so evan went byebye, which was what needed to happen, super sweet, but him leaking stuff was really a mess. Merge is so exciting, I already love Caeleb, Jones & Mo, three legends already yay!

IM ALSO BACK WITH BENJ MY KING! I HAVE MISSED HIM SO MUCH.

MERGE I AM SCREAMING!!!

I am sorry Evan, we did 100% throw this challenge but hey ajdjdjf even tho we threw this challenge it was a freaking 5-4 points LOL thank god I didn’t do more than just put Marcus Lehman.

Let’s go merge, thank god I didn’t turned into pre merge flop!!

MERGE!!!!!!

IM REUNITED WITH ALI!!!!!!!! KING!!!!!!!!! im so excited omg so we had a HUGE catch up told each other all the tea of each others tribes

He suspected I was the flipper but doesn't care LOL so yay!!! Ugh I have missed him its so great to have him back as someone I can fully trust and rant to about everything! I also had Jones queen to help get me thru the tribe, just wish she replied more lol! ily guacamole . mitch also great, so glad he survived the budva decimation that I caused oops

I don't think anyone suspects me n ali are close, and everyone thinks Julia/ian/Jason are a trio and either ian or Jason have the idol LMAO this is so funny. I was even on call w the tribe and we were discussing it im thinking lolllll ik ali has it and no one else rlly does wowow

we think alex has durmitor idol bc . apparently it was not found pre swap, caeleb claims he made the end but it was gone, jones and mo don't seem active enough to guess

reunited w ian king aswell hes great, gonna meet some new ones like jules aka almia queen and tom the Australian he was cool on the call so its good ik everyone so far on this tribe except 2 ppl really, while 8 people on the tribe have not meet 4 others so I hope im connected well?

I honestly don't know what will happen from here . like is it og vs og tribe? swapped tribes? something new? IDK! All ik is my top 3 allies are ali jones mitch and I want to try get us far !! but idk how to do that so...… stay tuned

Still can’t get over that I made merge AHHHH

But wait...

THIS IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY BUT THE FREAKING COLOR OF THE MEEGE TRIBE IS SIMILAR TO MEEGE IN SWITZERLAND???! AND THE TWO STARTING TRIBES WERE LITERALLY ALMOST THE SAME COLOR. THIS WILL NOT END LIKE SWITZERLAND, IF IT DOES I AM GONNA CRY.

Anyway I got in touch with Mitch and Benj. I talked with Mitch first then I learned it was Benj who flipped during the Noah vote. I mean I honestly thought it was Mitch ahsjdjd but I guess the talk I had with Benj about rocks/ties back then was an omen. Anyway Mitch tells me he forgives Benj so I guess that’s something? Julia confirms to me that Mitch is saying the same thing to her so ok. I then chatted with Benj and he did tell me he was the one who flipped because he was not close enough with Noah to go to rocks for him which is understandable but I’m still weary on Benj.

Tom then tells me Mo and Caeleb are grilling him for JJ and Evan’s demise. Right now Tom feels that Mo/Caeleb/Alex/Jones are a thing and that they’re just using Benj. That’s kinda a good info to use to get benj on our side??

Anyways I don’t know if this is alarming or what but on the tribe call Tom told Mitch and Benj he knew about the Budva idol being found because Julia told JJ and then told everybody. I think Mitch and Benj were shocked that Tom knows? Idk I maybe paranoid but let’s see

Right now me, Julia, Jason and Ali are trying to hide the fact from Benj and Mitch that we made sort of a pact with Tom and Jules to vote together come merge. I trust Tom to know that I think he will vote with us but idk about Jules. Tho Julia and Jason seem to trust her so I hope she sticks with us!!

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Last minute additions -

I got a vote cover from the choosing thing!! Drew didn’t really tell me what it did but if I had to guess what it was I’d say it’d be like,, a dark week thing where votes won’t be revealed? Who knows tbfh

SO I KNOW I'M TERRIBLE WITH WRITING CONFESSIONALS, but this is my first Survivor game, I'm not used to using Skype and it's weird having to type it to a whole other window just to get a confessional but WHATEVER ILL TRY TO DO AT LEAST ONE A DAY. Even if it's just like about random shit! Even it's just an astrology lesson! Anyways JJ, I mean, Alex is coming at me saying he thinks it's 6v6 now and i'm like......who's gonna tell him. BECAUSE EVEN IF IT'S ME NOT DOWN FOR OG DURMITOR ( i love them but game wise idk if i can hang with them ) I DAMN WELL KNOW other people might not be down for that. I'm just tired of the assumptions though I know Alex means well I'm just TIRED ugh he's a pisces moon too so he'll sense it from me so I better act NOT ANNOYED but I can't help it UGH. Did I miss the people from OG Durmitor? YES! Did I miss the gameplay and none of them calling out JJ on his shit and being surprised that JJ got out for being a crackhead? NO. NOT AT ALL.

okay so merge and I have lots of thoughts, i am gonna do it person by person so i cover it all ahh.

Alex C: Okay he lowkey terrifies me ahh. Like he is quite gamey, and both Mitch & Jules have said he is kinda leadery and potentially a bit pushy? I see him as an early merge boot (ideally), because I think he'll get a lot of attention on himself? He is fun though, and I like talking to him - we will see, maybe if idk Jones/Mo/Caeleb goes he will be a more workable ally from an underdog spot?

Ali: trash, disgusting, send him home, I never want to see that mess...

Benj: a KING, I have missed Benj so MUCH. He is such a, SUCH A KING, i love him, I'm so happy we are back together. I think he could be a great duo for me, since us two being close can be kept quite lowkey ha! We will figure it out, but he is going NOWHERE on my watch

Caeleb: Okay he is like... one of the only other newbies left in the game, and is potentially quite lowkey, so I'd like him to stick around for a while I think ahh! He seems super sweet, and could be someone to go to the end with if my faves go bye bye.

Ian: I've said it since round two, and I will continue to say it. Ian is the biggest threat in the game, I've been knew and I'm not dropping it. I will not allow him to go far, like he is super nice, but also... we are not allowing a threat like Ian to walk to the end.

Jason: Similar to Ian, I'm really feeling duo vibes with him and Ian, maybe even a trio with Julia I'm not sure? He scares me less than Ian, and I'd probs want Ian out first versus Ian? He still is also a king tho, even though I always get vibes that he doesn't like me eeeek

Jones: A legend! I can tell already, I fully get legendary vibes from her. But like... it makes me upsetti spaghetti that I really don't think I can let her get too far, like she... is someone I could see as a season winner, so she might need to go sooner rather than later, although getting her out might be easier said than done tbh

Jules: Okay an icon. Jules we LOVE in this house. I literally stan Jules with my 100% full heart, they know ALL and on my watch? they go NOWHERE. my clout is being used to keep an eye on Jules, even tho they are a much better player than me, and they will be able to watch their own back and go super far

Julia: Witch queen. I want her to go really far too tbh, like I love her and am so happy we have actually been able to work together this season. She told me about her self-vote thing she got from the merge feast, which is a big trust display. I think if I can get her woke about Ian/Jason, she could be a big ally and super important about my game long term. I think if we can get Alex C out particularly (since apparently they have history), then maybe she will be more willing to FINALLY make a move on them.

Mitch: I'm always sketched out by him KASDFA. Like I think he would work with me for sure, but I also like... don't know sometimes, like... he knows I was gonna vote him out premerge, can that go away? I think he could be a good ally moving forwards though , we will have to see.

Mo: MY SON. I MISS HIM. I'M SO HAPPY HE DOESN'T HATE, I THOUGHT HE DID. Its super exciting and like I said before, he is doing super good this season and I'm super proud of him. I wanna go far with him, but I think not being on a tribe with him till merge could be an obstacle to that ahh :(

Tom: Tom is a mega-cracked king. Like he is SO entertaining, and on a personal level I really vibe with him. I will not do him dirty, and I wanna go to the end of this game with him. We will see what happens, would love to be a juror voting for him at the end.

So overall final thoughts. I have a dream F4 alliance of 'The Flippers and the Flop' aka me, Tom, Jules & Benj, since those three flipped on their original tribe and I'm a flop. So I want that as F4, Julia at F5 (but maybe further, I love her too), and then for the rest:

6th: Mo 7th: Caeleb 8th: Mitch 9th: Jones 10th: Jason 11th: Ian 12th: Alex C.

We will see and figure it out and be flexible. Its gonna be a mess, but we will see. I just wanna make confirmed jury, then I just wanna play a bomb game, like finalist-schminalist, i just wanna end the season and my game not being an actual joke KASDFLAS.

hi i just wanted an idol

Okay so i dont know like when the last time i did one of these was but lets just start at last tribal council; I am lowkey so glad that evan is gone and we didnt try anything too fancy he really would've made merge that bit messier. But uhm also why the heck did he have to vote me grrr i wanted to try to not get any votes for a really long time but oh well cant have everything good happen in life.

M E R G E!!!!!!!! Yesssss finally merge has happened the playing field is even and i am ready to rumble. Bit nervous to see where abouts i stand in the tribe because i didnt feel very included in the original durmitor tribe and there are two people i havent met in benj and mitch.

Okay so like wtf is going on right now, sure say hello and all that shit but why is Mo, Alex and Caeleb like proper interviewing me, who do you think you are ELLEN? No youre not please stop investigating on what happened between jj and evan vote offs like i do not owe y'all anything..... i was probably going next if we didnt have that first swap! I am more than happy to tell them like what happened just it will be altered in favour of myself and they wont get the full indepth explanation.

Sorry I don’t have a vid confessional today laid ease

But um ya I think I’m getting TARGETTEEEEEEEEED or at least someone within the durmitor dominators group is. WHich is SKETCHY!! Idk it just feels really obvious since that core group of 4 literally,,, tag teamed all 4 of us first ,,, hello??? Mam?? I get we just met like 2 days ago but you could be a lil more discreet ab everything 😤

But ik we can’t just assume based on that,, If we’re just going by that logic then their hitlist is Alex, Caeleb, myself, then Mo. but idt it could be that,,, concrete?? They could just be playing us like Noah/Michael/Mitch TRIED to do before,, but we got them so ya 🥰 anyways,,

If we can somehow get a plan out of them or at least a name then we’ll be ok,,, that way we’ll at least know what’s going on for SOME PART. Mitch and julia seem kiiiind if close? So hopefully she’ll tell him some shit and come back to me ab it - if I have to play the idol then,,,, I guess,,, I will,,, but I don’t want to. Like let me save it for when IM in trouble at least sksksk who knows,, maybe I AM in trouble and I’m just a crackhead 🤷🏻‍♀️

But ya that’s my rant I’ll be back soon laid ease mwah

Okau so like woo! i won the first immunity of the season how bloody exciting! I honestly was confident going into the challenge however i didnt know whether or not i was going to win. I love the fact that i got shot 0 times so i literally could've gone asleep and potentially still won lol. But at this point my mission of staying low and go go go'ing has to be intact i cannot seem like a big threat in this game it doesnt get me far. So im telling everyone that im surprised and that it was really just based on luck and based on nothing so my target does not grow! So glad to have immunity in this game honestly first merge boot probably wasnt going to be BUT i know this round can get fucking messy so anything could've changed #StayLowAndGoGoGo

okay this is a grr grr angry confessional. WHY IS EVERYONE BEING DUMB AND JUST BEING ATTACHED TO TRIBE LINES. Like I messaged Jones, Mo and Alex about it yesterday, and Jones my meme queen gave like a good response, but Mo particularly I was like... wut?

Like Mo is my org son from all the way back in Azores, so I always have his back... but like... when someone messages you about being uncomfortable with tribe lines and not wanting to stick to them, giving the HEAVIEST HINT POSSIBLE that I'm not attached to like Ian and Jason, your response should not be 'I'm just accepting my fate'... Like that is such a red flag to me, no player should just... be resigned to stuff? Like Mo PLEATHE.

In other other news, we love Jules still. Tom is being weird recently, I think he doesn't trust me anymore, so I think my dream at the moment is a F3 of Jules and Benj, Tom 4th and Julia 5th? Mitch terrifies me (and he knows I shot him, which caused even more distrust), Alex is super nice but is like... evidently not trusting of me, Mo is my son but I wanna SHAKE HIM, Jones is my fave I love her already, really like Caeleb too he is so nice.

I'm just frustrated, I feel like.. people aren't willing to do enough and its making me frustrated I just wanna scream. Like at this point, I expect to go midjury, like 9th, and I'm thinking who I'd vote. I would vote Jules, because they are always on the ball and their read is unmatched, I'd vote Ian because he has playing smart since round one, I'd vote Benj because he is one of the few that has his head screwed up about not blindly sticking to tribe lines.

Of the rest? I'd like to vote for Tom/Jones, but would probs need to see more gamey game from both. I could respect Mitch's story to get to the end, but don't necessarily see myself voting him. I could vote Julia or Jason. The one who is currently least likely to get my vote is probably Mo, I am just... frustrated with him. Like he could do SO GOOD, I just wanna give his head a proper wobble, like.... LISTEN TO ME. I am telling you I would flip just READ KSALDFA.

I ranked who I'd vote for in FTC if I was a juror so far and its currently:

Jules > Ian > Benj > Mitch > Julia > Tom > Jason > Jones > Alex C. > Caeleb > Mo

And the order in which I trust people is:

Jules/Benj > Julia > Tom > Ian > Jason > Caeleb > Jones > Mo > Alex C. > Mitch

I have thoughts. I know its been a hot sec since I have sent one in but I have been just busyyy. So this one might be long and it'll have all my thoughts post-merge.

My first thought: Being reconnected with old tribemate (Jules and Tom). I love Jules. She's so kind and wonderful, might be hard to reach occasionally but when she messages its always full and heartfelt. I think that can go a long way in this game as she's fun to talk to and makes you feel like she's with you. So that also mean shes very dangerous of course. Tom is less so fun. He's kinda sarcastic kinda hard to read kinda edgy. He always acts like he's a little too busy for things. But he is fun and he has fed me a lot of information about Budva post swap, so thank him for that. BUT I'm like lowkey really annoyed with him. Losing that last challenge on purpose was dumb as hell. I know Evan is deceitful and hard to work with, but like hell keep that in your head and get him off as an easy vote right after merge. Because If they hadn't lost and instead we had gone to tribal (Durmitor), then we hopefully would've lost Mitch, secured the dynamic as 7 OG Durmitor vs. the 5 OG Budva, and it would have been much harder for Tom and Jules to chose the Budva members over the numbers. Obviously this works best for me and OG Durmitor but that just means that I don't know what Tom and Jules are thinking and overall that means I can't really trust them.

Second thought: That challenge was actually really fun. It put this merge into perspective and CLEARLY showed where people are at right now. The fact that OG Budva was so organized in their slaughter and got out Alex like hella fast and then me before we got out any of them was so showing. They are tight and they will remain to be tight. The fact that they were able to be so coordinated seems scary as well. AS it might mean that Tom or Jules or even Mitch or Benj is actually working with them to make sure we didn't win that immunity. Plus Tom won it and that is scary to me because I already was wary about trusting him in the first place. Putting thought one and two together makes me wary overall, because that means that together Tom and Jules and Mitch and Benj might be choosing to work with old Budva (I mean Tom and Jules don't have any inhibitions about voting out old tribemembers so) and old Durmitor might just be screwed.

Third thought: Annoyed that I was shot and destroyed second. I thought I was making a good impression with everyone. Maybe its not a good indication but also sad face.

Fourth thought: New tribe members! I love them all to an extent. Ali seems to be fun to talk to and likes chatting back and forth. But also he did say he was surprised I was out so early and since I know that Alex didn't shoot Julia then he was definitely shooting me. So I don't think I trust that all too much and he might be too sneaky. Jason seems nice. Not much to say our conversation has been pleasant but only so. The same with Ian tbh. They seem cool but thats it. Julia is fun and her background makes her seem like a total bad ass and a really cool lady, but she's been soooo hella dismissive of me. I don't like the way she's playing the game. I think she's putting on an act and playing a character to throw people off. I heard she was like sad or crying(?) that someone shot her and Tom confronted me about it. And sure I shot her but like hell thats the game. I'm 90 percent sure she was shooting me. I'm annoyed, and people seem to love her which just makes me think she's being dismissive to me because she thinks I won't be around too much longer and she doesn't have to put in the effort. And that's dumb, like if I do go I really hope this is the start of the Jury because I will have something spicy to say to her in the event she makes it to Final Tribal. Or maybe things will change and I will learn to really like her and stuff.

Fifth Thought: Game plan for tomorrow. My strategy going forward is simply to be not targeted tomorrow. That is truly the crux of it, because at this point I think I might get votes. I know that apparently I have a habit of getting votes in a new tribe (David and then Noah) so honestly I can see it happening, especially if they are worried about Alex having an idol and they got him out of the challenge first just to vote me. But if I can survive then I think I can go a little farther. The power struggle right now is 3 groups of 4 battling. There's the total Budva members, the total Durmitor members, and then the middle ground (Jules, Tom, Benj, and Mitch). I asked Tom who was more important the original tribes or the new ones and he said he wants it to be old but most likely will be new which basically means that he will vote with Budva. So in the event I survive with numbers I'll ride that until I need Alex (and his idol that I'm prettttty sure that he has but I can't be sure) out and will try to rally that we need him to be gone. If I survive but I'm not on the side of the numbers I wanna create a good bond with Ali and Jules as were all newbies and work that until we can start eating Budva from the inside. I'll see though DKSDSKDSK. I don't think it would be wise to concrete that before this first vote because their reasons for voting off JJ and Evan was apparently that they were making alliances with everyone. I don't want them to see me that way.

Sixth Thought: Okay another Idol Bridge BIG OOF. Those are hard as hell, and I am so confident that both tribe idols are gone which means there might be 3 idols out there pretty soon which is scary as hell. Durmitor Dominators are hoping to work together to get it and maybe we can actually use that together rather than having it hidden like this time. (Which I really think that Alex has it but whatev). If I'm idoled out imma be so sad but like also okay thats an okay way to go.

Have fun with this. Feel free to chop it up into mini confessionals or use it in its entirety. Up to you! Love ya hosts ur beautiful

okay a gamey and a dumb update.

julia proper wants to flip on ian and jason which iconic... its truly time. I wasn't necessarily going to vote them out first, but if that's what is gonna happen, that is what's gonna happen.

in a memey update, JJ just got cast in another game and it reminded me of a JJ-ism I never confessed about. JJ was on call and showing me... a pet in a glass box, but i didn't know what the pet was or what it was supposed to be, because I couldn't see it. but he was like wow isn't it cute, so i fully called a stick which was the only thing i could see, cute. a STICK.

anyway so like.... back to game. i think the merge boot will be ian or jason which dun dun dun! its probs overdue and will happen, or it'll be me! we will see anyway

why am i drinking white wine with julia on call at 3am, we are truly the wine mum duo drinking our way till the end

I think I'm in the middle of everything atm, which is a weird place for me to be. I'm not in the center, I'm not looking from the outside in, I'm not really a part of anything major or in any alliances and it's an odd feeling. I know I need to do something to secure myself in something but everything in this game just feels up in the air, it's odd. I don't know if it's just how Survivor is, but it's a very strange feeling not having a proper grasp on what's going on with EVERYONE. I have ideas but not a lot of real confirmation for much besides Jason/Ian, Mo/Jones, etc. Anyways. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY OKAY I'm boring AF this game

Ok so for starters the immunity challenge ended after 2 hours of its posting adhgfjgs Tom won so big woo for him.

The Budva baes agreed to target Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones in this challenge and we got Mitch, Tom and Jules to work with us. Well kinda because the four (Me, Ali, Julia and Jason) of us were the ones who did most of the shooting to eliminate the Durmitor four and we just like went back and forth eliminating one another. I was the first to die in my group so big yikes!! I don't know if that's an omen idk but I do know that I was killed by grandma jones. So I killed grandma too oops!

Anyway, fast forward to today. I got an idol clue from the Hamburger but idk if this will help me get the idol hfjhsgf. So I shared it to Budva Baes and with Tom. Who knows we might get it idk.

In other news, on call Jules flipped because of an earthquake jgfjshgf

A tribe call happened that had almost everyone except Jones and Benj join which lasted about like 3-4 hours?? Anyway, me, julia, jules, jason, ali, mitch and alex played cards against humanity so that was fun!

After Alex and Jules left the call, the five of us who remained then proceeded to plan for the vote. As of now I think we're gonna throw our votes towards Caeleb because apparently he doesn't talk to them that much? I do talk with Caeleb but nothing game related so I guess I'm on board with that. We're not gonna target Alex rn because Julia mentioned that Alex might wanna work with budva people? or that maybe just a ploy, either way Julia and Mitch thinks Alex has the durmitor idol so that's something to be weary.

If I had my way I want to target Jones because during the call, Mitch and Julia expressed how they want her to stay and how they insta love her and to me that's kinda dangerous. But rn I don't think the numbers are their for me to go after Jones. Another hot topic on the call we had was Benj. I'm really becoming more weary of Benj because umm idk even tho we talk I feel like he's hiding something.

So far, the plan is for Julia to approach Jules about voting Caeleb. Jules is important for this vote because she's like in the middle rn and we need numbers. Also ghasgdd julia got a freaking auto-vote on herself for this incoming tribal council so we are screwed if they vote for Julia. Tom is also important but me and Jason have an alliance with him that Ali and Julia are not aware of so he's good hopefully.

Anyways as of now, the plan is Caeleb (which kinda sucks because I kinda like him) but who knows whats gonna happen. Just hope things go in my favor for this vote.

Apparently I’m a secondary target for the vote, but I’m like oddly at peace? Maybe it’s because I’m super tired but being anxious is never fun so I’m relieved that I’m so calm.

This tribal is so freakin messy. Literally everybody be crackheads and I am a freakin crackhead. I knew Mitch was gonna do me in again, I am sad that JJ blew up chances with Tom working with us, and I can't trust Jules because she's right in the middle. I think Benj is still with us. But gosh they'll vote me tonight and I wannnnna survive. If only I could like strongarm whoever has this freakin idol into playing it for me.

Anyways, I love Grandma's boys. They're all sweet and nice and wonderful and I want us to get this to work out. I hope Alex can work his magic, but also I hate that this has turned me into someone who is just riding the coattails at this point. Maybe I need to do some FREAKIN crackheadidness but hell we'll freakin see.

ALSO

Jones has the IDOL OOOOOOOOOO. I think she might play it for me if things are looking bad. Literally my grandma is the most amazing I love her. Things be crazy and cracked here in Podgorica but the spice is nice.

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okay this confessional is a call out post, to basically the entire cast except for jules and benj. like its negative and mean, so I'm gonna scream, and then write some actually strategy and smart stuff KLDSAFAS.

Julia. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART, but. You have got us into such a pickle and are playing the middle too aggressively, dragging me kicking and screaming with you. Why would you make a Budva chat yesterday, to flip on it TODAY, that is such, SUCH a quick turn around

Alex. You are so sweet, and I really enjoyed the call yesterday, but you are already terrifying as an ally and are giving off JJ game vibes. This 'alliance' I'm in, of Jules/Julia/Me/Alex/Mo/Jones... terrifies me, WHY IS NOBODY TALKING. And then I love how Alex was like 'lets vote out someone from each side across two rounds' and then like... suggests Jason, a) one name b) one vote. And then it's like... he goes okay maybe Mitch the following round? Another OG Budva? I have to laugh, I have to LAUGH, this alliance is so fake askdlfaf. I love everyone in this alliance as people, but as allies I'm not feeling it.

Jones. You are a legend, and naming my plants was so fun, but you go so crickets its really scary, like it just looks SO sus. I wish you were more open gamey, I really wanna work with you grrrr.

Mo. Mo is my son, and I love him, but oh. my. god. is he frustrating to play with JLSAKDFAF. I have never played with someone who is so passive and who literally... does not say anything. Like on calls, he is so fun because he is the sweetest and a great guy, but his only comments and contributions have been 'I think I am going' and 'I have accepted my fate'. mo, MO, you can't be doing this and pulling these shenanigans, you are so likable just... give it a go and play the game HNNNGH.

okay that was mean and negative but I fully needed to scream. To clarify my situation, last night Julia made a chat of all the Budvas - Benj after the call, and we settled on voting Caeleb? But Julia wants to flip, and formed this group with Alex of them two, me, Jones, Jules & Mo. Like Julia, I get playing the middle, but this is playing. the. middle. I didn't want to be in such a middle position I hate this so much SKADLFASF.

It's really frustrating. I want Ian/Jason/Alex out because they all terrify me on a game level. But Julia has put us in the middle in a way that we are gonna have NO NUMBERS TO MAKE A MOVE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Like I just wish she ASKED me before she made a group with Alex that I got dragged into.

I feel like me and Jules have to just... get in with Mitch. Its the only way. And Caeleb too I guess? Like I think the alliance I'm going to need is like... Me/Tom/Jules/Caeleb/Benj/Mitch... like that's a 6, and with Julia might be the numbers we need going forward.

I'm like... not gonna win this season I know it already. Jason is gonna be furious with me, as is Ian. And then I'm gonna have to flip BACK in two rounds. This is literally the exact game I've played before that hasn't worked.

Having said that, the main thing I did wrong before was that I didn't own my moves. So I need to own it, when I vote out Jason I need to talk to Ian and pull me in, so we can just... remove Alex. I just want everyone gone already askdlfa, its so so so tiring.

Here is what I want to happen now:

Ian > Alex > Jason > Mo > Jones > Mitch > Caeleb > Julia > Tom > F3: Me/Jules/Benj

but like... its just... im in such a bad mood about all this, its really... just enough.

Also for the funsies, if I was a juror, at FTC from most to least, this is who I'd vote for so far:

Jules > Benj > Mitch > Ian > Julia > Jason > Tom > Caeleb > Alex > Jones > Mo

So this tribal is shaping up in our favor... hopefully. I think Jason's for sure going now at least. It should be a 9-3 vote if everyone's telling the truth... which would make it so easy to split the votes because I'm pretty sure Jason or Ian have the idol. The most we can hope for is make them think Caeleb is going home for sure.

Pray for me. I don't wanna be a merge boot. I feel like I have a lot more game to play.

im about to save jason and fix all my problems.

i'm gonna push the vote onto ian, saying jason is very nervous and seems like he will play an idol, pushing the vote onto ian. Then I will tell Jason before/after (to be decided) the vote that I saved him, thereby securing his trust so that we can make a move on Alex next round.

I have NEVER played so aggressively, and tried to take control so much in the vote, but Julia put me in a crap situation. But I'm not gonna like... sit here and have it happen, I am here to play a good game, I said so in my application.

I think this is the way of ensuring minimal blood on my hands, and I've wanted Ian out since round two KLASDFA.

I wake up and I then learn that HOW IN THE WORLD ALEX KNOWS THAT CAELEB IS A TARGET THIS ROUND???

Mitch told him? Like what the hell is happening???! I talked with Alex and he says he’s ok with Caeleb which is really weird??

Tom then goes online and tells me Alex has been going around telling people different names and he told Caeleb my name >.>

AND NOW JULES AND BENJ ARE MIA AND ITS REALLY SKETCHY

I am gonna get voted!! I can feel it ahsjdiff so much for my never voted out status :(((

50 minutes till tribal and the plan is to vote out Jason but make Jason think it’s Ian or Caeleb? Unless I’m getting blindsided which in that case, well done. I’m really tired and I just want some Mac and cheese and a nap.

why is the one time alex and jones pip up to squash my beautiful plan. like go back to being crickets at all signs of game talk thank you very much.

alternatively... tom and jules could come in clutch, flipping caeleb to vote out alex that works too.

i'm annoyed with jones/mo/alex they can go. like i've wanted jason and ian out as a duo for ninety-five years, but maybe i wanna keep them around.

Jones is fuckinf PISSED

THESE BUDVA ARE CRACKED AND WANNA CHANGE THE VOOOOTE SKSKKSJSJSKSJ WE HAVE LITERALLY 40 MINUTES

If Jason idols himself, I’m idoling Caeleb and I’m gonna gonna kill someone

If Jason idols Ian and we get Jason out I’m laughing my ass off

If Jason idols himself and I idol Caeleb and I’m SOMEHOW IDOLED OUT then fuck that shit I’ll literally kill someone

I just wanna tell these Budva in space jam then it’ll be ok

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

me flipping my vote to make it a 5-4-3-1 sending Ian out... I'm either the second coming of Natalie Anderson or 11th place.

The moment Mitch, Julia and Ali stopped responding to me and Jason I felt it. That we were being bamboozled and it looks like we did.

Tom and Jason were true to me and the end and I love them for that. Screw snake Julia because she really fucking played me like a fiddle lol and fuck Ali, mitch and benj hahahahahahahahaahahahahahHaha Because it really hurts! Alex is a scheming lying bitch and at least Mo half lied to me oof

At least my vacation is saved. I love the hosts, Drew, Seamus, Johnny and Asya for having me. I stan Nicole G forever. Bora Bora will always be my home. Goodbye tumblr survivor!

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chromemuffin · 7 years

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Shoukoku no Altair Liveblog (Chapter 10)

It’s Mah-kun again! I swear, these adorable chapter cover pages will be the death of me. Not only because they are cute, but because they tend to be quite bittersweet as well. Seeing tiny Mah-kun with that HUGE sword is so ridiculous but at the same time incredibly sad.

I also really appreciate the differences in his outfit then compared to now. This one is a lot more casual, less put-together. Iskander is small enough that he can wear a shorter glove instead of the long one that goes up to his elbow (I do so love how much research is put into this damn thing). But also, his pants and the cloth wrapped around the ankles is far messier than his current clothes, probably because he’s not wearing boots at this age but still, it contributes to his younger self’s image.

But omg Iskander looks like a duck at that angle.

Warning: this post got REALLY long whoops

Chapter 10: Chief of the Eyes and Ears

btw, going with whatever titles the fan translators decided on. I only have the first volume raws and the official translation only has volume 1 I think.

Ok, so proper introduction to the worship of the water spirit that was mentioned last chapter. The five elements thing is nothing unusual, neat how it has apparently spread across the continent though, making these representations quite diverse. We only see four here, though.

Alright, so back to Mahmut trying to use this pyramis charm thing.

lol I. Sort of like this weird expression.

Iskander are you okay. What is with those eyes are you looking up or something...? I do like those claws though, very sharp and deadly. Can you imagine those coming for your face at full speed?

Also, Mahmut here is just. Cute. And Turkish interior design (or at least this world’s Turkish interior design) continues to confuse me. What. Where is the floor. What is a couch/bed and what is not.

Oh, ok, at first I thought those eagles on the cliffs were people coming to attack the town or something. Phew.

Actually, it’s nighttime. They really can’t fly around at night (irl, for this manga narrative-wise unless you want to restrict Iskander to only being present during the day, this had to change).

Almost forgot to mention: pensive Mahmut here. His eye was also drawn very prettily here.

In exchange for the unrealistic part about eagles flying around at night, we get this neat bit of realism - Mahmut can’t call upon other eagles to help during the summer and autumn months. I like that restriction. It makes sense, rather than let him call up some birdy friends whenever and wherever possible.

His expression is a bit lopsided here, I guess it’s half fondness and half ‘it’s a pity’ sort of thing.

Look, I sympathize, I would totally be that person, too.

Unimpressed, ‘ugh’ Mahmut.

WELL, that was a sudden introduction, I guess they really trust that those pyramis charms won’t fall into the wrong hands and the people who use them are the intended holders...?

lol Mahmut. What’s with your face. Iskander is better, though. His expression is kind of, how you tell what Mahmut is thinking here. Though Mahmut looks sort of disgusted, unimpressed, there’s probably still shock in there.

I like the cup.

I wonder if it pained him to say that, as if he is Zaganos’s underling. Well, his rank is far lower now, but it’s not like he’s one of Zaganos’s men. Not sure what the fine details at work are, since I don’t have the raws.

lol this sounds like a game. just like a game.

This guy is very dramatic, though. Why did you not bother warning Mahmut what the other spy is like.

“Huh?” expression? He looks younger here again, haha.

I’m extremely curious about what sort of person Zaganos is, actually, but I’ve been told his story comes in drips and drabs across the whole series.

Mahmut’s face tends to look really cute in the manga. At certain points, he appears less adult than he does in the anime, which is quite hilarious seeing as I complained about the anime portraying him as childish before portraying him as a badass general/serious guy.

omg I love how even Iskander’s feathers are blowing in the last panel. Not sure how much force it would take to actually ruffle a bird’s feathers like that, come to think of it...the tend to lay flat, except maybe the fluffy chest feathers of some birds (I spent my childhood watching animal planet and the discovery channel ok).

U-UM. EXCUSE ME. MR. AWESOME. You really should get that cloak fixed, or maybe invest in a new one.

But UH. LOOK. HOW BIG. HIS BIRDY IS. (I was actually informed way back in the first chapter or so that falconers with female eagles would make an appearance, but holy this is a great entrance.)

I will be freaking about who this guy actually is a little further down, so I’ll talk about his birdy Katerina here.

Starting this series, I instantly liked Mahmut because he’s a falconer and that’s awesome. But I was 100% prepared for the series to forget about the sexual dimorphism between male and female birds of prey, it happens in most media. (females are almost always larger, and usually by a great deal, but in most media there is no size difference or the relationship is inverted)

I was glad Mahmut got Iskander, a male bird, because Mahmut is tiny (about 5′4″ officially I think). A smaller bird suits him better. Female golden eagles are 8-15 lbs and males are 6-10 lbs, it just makes sense that he doesn’t have 15 lbs of bird to tote around.

Imagine my surprise when I was told that someone does have a female golden eagle in the manga, and she is appropriately larger than Iskander.

I’m just. in love. with this manga.

Dramatic shading is A+ here.

I think there is another spelling of his name out there, but I forgot what it was.

But HEY YOU. So there were other people from Mahmut’s clan that survived, probably whoever wasn’t in the village at the time. Come to think of it, did the manga ever mention Mahmut was the last of his clan? I don’t think so. Everyone from his village was wiped out, but that doesn’t mean everyone in the clan is dead. aha, take that ‘last of your kind’ trope

(btw I like his rugged look)

This was sort of confusing, so I’ll leave the notes here.

Perhaps a mix of uncertainty and something else here. I wouldn’t say sad or anything, but it’s a bit troubled.

oh man. xD I wonder if he ever tasted it before, he was young when he left. I mean, he probably drinks at this age given the time period, but I guess nothing quite so strong.

PRINCESS. oh my god. I’m dying. was. was that actually 姫 in the raw or something else? (I can think of one alternative, but I’d love it if it actually was. princess.)

That is both endearing and hilarious at the same time. I was going to stop watching the anime but. maybe I need to pick it up again. I love everyone’s voice except Mahmut’s so.

I need this to be in the anime. So I can tell what that term really is.

ANYWAY, BACK ON TRACK. Aw, I like the expressions in these panels. It’s just. I love the bonding over your respective birds. And someone who can understand his attachment to Iskander.

Also, Mahmut’s slightly embarrassed face lol. Is that little blush from the alcohol or embarrassment.

And I like the clear size difference between the birds.

The feathers look so good.

Also, Iskander is quite tiny like his owner, I mean, look at what this birds look like irl next to a person:

HUGE.

I’m. Just going to end up screen capping the whole chapter, aren’t I.

Aw, this whole part is just.

Is Mahmut a fast learner? He was only five when everyone died, that doesn’t leave much time to learn.

I like how he is clearly a younger man in this panel from 12 years ago. More clean-shaven.

THIS MANGA NEEDS TO STOP TEARING OUT MY HEART.

I wonder how large their clan was, actually.

So, um, that’s why strong drinks don’t bother him. And I see the theatre continues to piss everyone off. How reliable.

Heey younger Zaganos. Still looks like your face is getting consumed by your hair, but he does actually look a bit younger, too. He’s quite young now, even, so. I forgot if his age was mentioned though.

I don’t really know this guy too well yet so it’s hard to tell, but man, that grief, rage, and helplessness. Perhaps that question “Why didn’t you save them!?” is directed at himself as much as it is to them.

The tone of this translation makes it hard to tell if he’s conflating the play with reality or if he’s just being snide (he’s being snide/contemptuous of course). But for a second there I was ???

This is heartbreaking, that’s what this is. And yeah, he does have survivor’s guilt.

Funnily enough, Zaganos’s physique here resembles Mahmut’s current one to me. He is a lot smaller/shorter 12 years ago (I just like how the adults actually age in this thing, ok. well, and Suleyman’s experience has aged him in a different way)

Oh, ok, he was 14. So he’s 26 now.

Must resist the urge to wonder what Zaganos’s story is because if I do it will be torture waiting for the pieces to unveil themselves.

But damn, and I thought his hair was eating his head before. I was wrong. He’s in 100% medusa mode now.

I was trying to steer clear of this train of thought, but Mahmut brings it up. The narrative (and Mahmut himself) are trying to compare him and Zaganos. They are/were similarly determined to do something for their country, but Zaganos actually knew how to do that, he was more pragmatic since he was young.

Which begs the question: what the heck happened in his past to make him that way? At this point, we don’t even know if he came from a wealthy background, if he had a normal life or a more tragic past like Mahmut, it’s all up in the air. And yet the narrative urges you to compare him to Mahmut when there is not much to go off of.

Which is, coincidentally, the same position Mahmut is in. He might know a little more about Zaganos than us readers, but it doesn’t matter. To him it feels like he’s going up against this huge force he cannot fathom until it hits him in the face, and we are similarly in the dark.

idk I like the way the narrative presents this, is all.

Gold.

“I take it you dislike Zaganos Pasha?”

“Of course not! ...a little...” His expression there is really scary, haha. I don’t even know what to make of it.

lol what’s with Iskander. Wait, is Iskander supposed to be “laughing” with Suleyman?

As if there wasn’t enough drama for one night.

Pwee is actually...a good way to describe how these birds sound. Go listen to the cry of a golden eagle. Poor things don’t exactly have the most majestic of cries.

I appreciate the very devilish face here.

LOOK. Look at how shocked Mahmut is. To be called something so familiar. (not sure what this would have been in the original...ugh I wanna know.)

OH WAIT. Is this lady the one who survived being attacked by the eagles and having a burning tent tossed on her?

I have way too many images in this post. But this is a looong chapter for some reason.

and these are very good, look how nice that shot from below is so you can see all the stars.

Katerina’s wingspan is MASSIVE (apparently it can reach a max of 7.5 feet so, like, it’s not like this is even an exaggeration)

This is actually a very nice bit of research. And true, as far as I know. I even found this fact from the San Diego Zoo/a research article on the species: “Red items excite golden eagles, as does the sight of blood; they will attack people wearing red.”

UH. THAT’S NOT GOOD. Also, kudos to the villain lady for actually doing research on the things she got attacked by last time.

Ok this post is getting way too long BUT know that I appreciate how the mangaka drew the blood splashed on him.

ONCE AGAIN. This is terrifying.

Extra terrifying because this is the end of the chapter. Mahmut, how will you get out of this now?? You’re about to become bird food.

← back・onward →

#shoukoku no altair #shokoku no altair #the very long altair liveblog #super long post #altair vol 2

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ponticle · 7 years

Text

12am [12 Hours to Solve This Anderstair Challenge]

Anders x Alistair, Modern AU, Coffee Shop Universe

[Challenge Masterpost]

[Read it on Ao3]

Chapter Summary: The plane takes off and Alistair finally tells the Cullen story... Catharsis ensues? Rated M: angst

When the plane finally takes off, we settle in. I often fall asleep for a few minutes during takeoff. This time is no exception. I think I have a very short dream about a life where Alistair and I never broke up. It’s funny because we seem happy, but I’m not a doctor in the dream—he’s all I have in that scenario.

This is messier, but it’s way better.

Shortly after we’re above 10,000 feet the captain announces that wifi devices will now work and there are a variety of movie selections available. It wakes me up. I find Alistair scrolling through about fifty emails.

“Whatcha doing?” I ask, leaning over his shoulder.

He flinches, like I’ve caught him looking at porn.

“What?”

“Nothing… just checking in with work,” he says. His voice is decidedly nervous.

“Is it a matter of national security?” I tease, “...because you just freaked out a little..”

He laughs and sighs, “No… I just got an email from a hospital administrator asking when I’ll be back in the office…”

“Oh.”

“I don’t know how to respond… but there’s a huge event going on with the new crop of interns on Thursday…” he adds.

Today is Sunday. That means I have (at maximum) three days left with him.

“I think I’m going to cry when you leave,” I announce.

He smiles sadly, “Me too…”

We stare at each other in silence for a minute.

“It wouldn’t be the first time…” he mumbles. It isn’t exactly a nice thing to say, but it takes the edge off. Now we can think about other times we cried and still made it work.

“Do you remember when you found out…” he hesitates, “about Cullen?”

I nod. How could I forget that?

“That’s the hardest I think I’ve ever cried in my life…” he says. “When you wouldn’t talk to me in the hallway outside your apartment...?”

I nod.

“I never got to tell you—”

“What?”

“How sorry I was…”

Several Years Earlier

Alistair answers the door without a shirt on. He’s just gotten out of the shower and he managed to put pants on—and a belt—but he hasn’t done anything to his hair. It’s flopping into his face and dripping onto his neck.

On the other side, he assumes it’s Anders, come back to retrieve a forgotten resistance band or shaker bottle.

“Did you decide to take me up on my offer of staying in bed all day?” he asks, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Except when his eyes focus on the person outside the door, it isn’t Anders at all—it’s Cullen.

“Can I come in?” he asks.

Alistair can’t find words. He’s suddenly feeling really naked. He opens the door and gestures while he tries to get his mouth to work.

“Thanks,” says Cullen. He looks incredibly stressed.

They stare at each other for a minute. They’re hovering in the kitchen awkwardly.

“Do you want anything?” Alistair asks.

“No, I’m fine…” answers Cullen. It’s terse—clipped.

“Okay…”

They’re at an impasse. Alistair doesn’t know exactly what’s happening, but he knows something is wrong. Cullen hasn’t purposely visited him since Alistair spilled his secret almost a year ago—since he admitted he’d been in love with him all these years. Since then, Cullen only hangs out with Alistair under duress, and always with Dorian as a chaperone.

Alistair huffs without meaning to.

“Can we sit?” asks Cullen suddenly.

“Yeah…”

They sit next to each other at the kitchen counter. Without coffee cups it feels even more awkward than standing next to each other in the kitchen.

“Alistair,” he swallows hard, “I need to tell you something.”

This sounds familiar. Alistair suppresses a grimace.

“I’ve made a huge mistake—I think I have,” he stammers.

Alistair blinks. He can’t even form words because he knows this preamble. It’s the same thing he said to Cullen.

“I…” he pauses to lean into Alistair’s face. His face is so beautiful—Alistair almost can’t stand to see it this close up.

“I need you,” he says.

What?

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” he continues, “I should never have let you go.”

Alistair’s mouth is a desert. He suddenly can’t remember how his tongue works—it feels like a dry sponge, filling his mouth from edge to edge.

Cullen puts a hand on the side of Alistair’s neck. His thumb lands hard in the depression behind Alistair’s clavicle.

Alistair finds it hard to breathe with that hand on his neck—warm and solid and familiar.

“Alistair,” Cullen leans in even closer. It feels like it should be illegal for him to get that close. “Please…”

“Please what?” Alistair manages. His voice comes out too loud—it’s an overcorrection from all the silence earlier.

Cullen licks his lips, “I need you.” He’s said that twice now. Alistair still doesn’t know what it means.

“I’m with Anders,” Alistair babbles nonsensically.

“I know,” says Cullen. He looks down at the floor in a caricature of contrition. “But Alistair—we have history.”

“Yeah… a history of you torturing me,” says Alistair. He thinks about pulling his head away, but that hand on his neck is so strong—and the pull in its intention is even stronger.

Cullen squints, like it’s painful to hear Alistair say that—as if it isn’t true.

“Alistair,” he says, “I’m so sorry.”

That stops Alistair’s train of thought dead—he never thought Cullen would apologize.

“When you told me,” he continues, “I was surprised—shocked… and I reacted badly. I should have told you then… how I felt.”

Alistair doesn’t want to give him an inch, but he feels it happening anyway. “How do you feel?”

“I love you,” he says.

Alistair’s world shatters. Everything he’s ever known breaks and reforms in an instant. Cullen loves him?

“What?” Alistair swallows past a lump in his throat. It hurts.

Cullen doesn’t wait for anything else, though. He pulls with that strong hand on Alistair’s neck and kisses him—it’s fierce and angry.

Alistair wants to pull away—a voice inside insists he should—but he doesn’t. He has never known how to say no to Cullen. Why should this be any different?

Before he knows what’s happening, they’re upstairs—in his bed—grabbing every part of each other. His lips already feel bruised.

“You’re amazing,” breathes Cullen.

It’s what he’s wanted to hear for the last decade, and yet, it feels wrong now—like something meant for a different life. He opens his eyes for a second, while Cullen is busy biting the skin between his neck and shoulder.

That’s when he sees it: Anders’ sweater, slung over the banister at the top of the stairs. He could have left it there last night or the night before. He could have washed it in Alistair’s washing machine or his own. He could have put it in that exact spot so Alistair would wear it around the house. They share sometimes.

Alistair’s heart sinks.

“Cullen,” he whispers.

Nothing changes. In fact, Cullen doubles down—he grabs for the buckle of Alistair’s belt.

“Cullen!” Alistair shouts. It comes out louder than he intended, but it does the trick. Cullen looks up, dazed. “Stop this,” he begs. “I—I’m with Anders now…”

Cullen looks like he’s going to argue—as if he gets to choose what’s true.

“...and Cullen,” Alistair stands and runs a hand through his hair. “I love him.”

Cullen leaves in a flurry of admonishments and scoffs. Alistair barely hears a word. When the door is closed, he takes another shower. He doesn’t think he’ll ever feel clean.

He gets out and texts Anders a few times. If he can make contact, maybe this will all blow over. He spends the entire night trying to convince himself that everything is going to be fine… but it isn’t. Anders never calls; never comes back.

Alistair paces through his house imagining what could have happened to Anders. He even knocks on his door at one point, but he doesn’t hear any movement inside, so he gives up and goes home. He doesn’t have keys to Anders’ place. An insane voice in his head suggests that if he’d just pushed a little harder, Anders would be living with him and none of this would have had a chance to happen.

By the time it’s morning, he’s had it. He calls and texts Anders several more times. Just when he’s starting to consider a missing-person’s report, he gets a series of texts.

Thank god.

Only, when he reads them, they’re a break up—plain and simple. His hands are shaking as he dials Anders’ phone.

“Anders, I don’t understand what’s going on,” he sputters. He doesn’t know he’s crying until he hears his own voice.

Anders says a series of noncommittal things that seem like lies and hangs up. Alistair can’t accept it. He plods down the 24 steps to Anders’ apartment and camps out.

“What are you doing here?” groans Anders.

“I’m here to get a fucking straight answer,” Alistair manages. He’s swearing so he can seem angry, but he’s really just ruined—guilty, embarrassed, and miserable.

They hurl insults at each other for a while. Each one hurts. And finally, the pièce de résistance is: “I don’t love you.”

Alistair staggers back against the wall. He doesn’t know what happened, but he can guess. Cullen told Anders... or Anders found out on his own… or something. But he hasn’t gotten the full story… he doesn’t know the depth of Alistair’s regret. Still, what is there to say when the love of your life doesn’t reciprocate? He can’t argue—he lost already.

Alistair manages to collect himself enough to drag a sleeve across his cheeks. This is it. He’ll never see Anders again—and the best thing in his life will be gone… because of Cullen… again… he’s destruction personified. Fuck.

Presently

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

Alistair looks almost as miserable recounting that as he did leaning against the wall in front of my old apartment door. I reach up and rub his cheek.

“You certainly don’t have to be sorry… that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done,” he says.

I shrug. “I think that if we’d just been better at communicating, we might have worked it out…”

He shrugs. “It’s possible… but I think this helped us, in a way.”

I squint at him.

“...we learned how much we need each other,” he smiles, “Don’t you think?”

We smile and kiss. My whole life is better because he’s in it.

“I never want to see you cry like that again,” I say. “Especially not when you fly back to New York…”

He shakes his head, “No… if I go back… I will cry because I’m going to miss you while we’re apart—not because I’m afraid we’ll never see each other again.”

#anderstair #anders x alistair #alistair theirin #cullistair #cullen x alistair #not in a nice way #cullen used to be mean #now he's all right i guess #coffee shop universe

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