#god forbid i mention i am ace | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inactive334884 · 2 years

Text

This involves private drama, and is very ranty and a bit venty, so if you do not want to read of any triggering topics please skip over this post, thank you!

I am 18, I just graduated high school last month.

I am (was) Starlatte27, and though my past blog was heavily flawed and featured many things (especially in my "anti" phase) that I very much regret... people deliberately lying about personal info, accusing me of being the "same person" as someone else, going after people that I care about, stalking people, and overall sending harassment and accusations is not just awful behavior, it's outright childish no matter how much someone dislikes my blogs. (especially since... they could easily just block if they dont agree in the first place.)

I am not 12, I am not 5, I am not a "liar".

I never called myself any other age on here except for "16" 17" or "18".

AKA: All of the actual ages I was/am on this platform because ive been on Tumblr for years now.

I honestly dont care anymore, people can say all they want.

But no matter what, there will always be people who actually care to listen, there will always be people who care, and there will always be people who do thier research before automatically assuming things about someone they've never even actually met.

I never "lied" about my age.

I had a typo due to the fact that my mind tends to mix up words due to a disability that I have little to no control of in that category. If I accidentally put "orange" instead of "apple", "9" instead of "14", or anything other than that it is because of a disability.

I have clarified this millions of times, showed proof, and someone even outright used math to disprove this, but people still want to believe that im "actually 12" or "actually 5" because "THEY HATE VIVZIEPOP SO WHAT THEY SAY MUST BE TRUE!" logic thats unfortunately plagued the anti community in certain areas.

I dont "hate" sex workers.

I only mentioned a sex worker negatively once because they had did something that was legitimately wrong and was involved in a community that sexualizes things involving children.

I know that people tend to use "think of the children!" as an excuse for censorship bullshit, but this is about something that legit effects how people see kids and what they do.

Them doing sex work had nothing to do with it, but that they were doing something that involves the fetishization of things that involve children such as "parent-child" relationships, diapers, pacifiers, "daughter- father" relationships, and SO many things where because of how frequently sexualized by adults that it's caused people to see anything involving children, about children, or the children themselves (god forbid) as sex objects or things to use for "sex fantasies" and not literal minors. (AKA DD*G and AB*L).

(If you knew about my old blog, you know what im talking about.)

Things like that has legit caused a negative effect on how people see children. I dont care if people accuse me of "kink shaming" or anything such as that, things involving minors or MINORS THEMSELVES should never be involved in the kink community.

Things about children is not a "kink."

Things involving children is "not a kink."

Children are not a "kink." Children cannot consent, and sexualizing anything involving them or sexualizing the kids themselves (looking at you M/P community.) hurts how people see minors and how people treat minors along with it.

Someone being a sex worker has nothing to do with this.

I am not "acephobic" or a "transphobe".

People wrote said things about me at a time where I was writing support towards the ace community and was heavily against people who did ace erasure within the Hazbin fanbase, even in my worst days I would always write against transphobes or acephobes.

Also, I literally live with someone who is ace, and still verbally support people who are trans and speak to people from the trans community who are actually kind people to this day.

The only accusation I had was "calling someone "they" is wrong!" when I legit did not know said person's pronouns and that has been used as a gender neutral way to refer to someone if someone is unsure of someone's pronouns (by both the cis community and trans community alike) for ages now.

Was it wrong for me to have made a callout post instead of blocking them? Definitely, but does that justify going after people that I care about and spreading petty rumors about said people? HELL no.

In a nutshell: Some of you people are legit acting like children.

You can easily just block someone if you disagree with them.

Instead, you choose to go on these tangents where gather as many people as you can to attack someone and spread rumors as a attempt to "deplatform" them.

Many doing the exact same levels of harassment as Vivziepop does.

"Deplatform" this. "Cancel!" that, what are you, 12?!

One of you legit went on our discord server, stalked us, and leaked a post that we CLEARLY said to NOT be leaked outside of discord.

And no, the original screenshot was not fucking shown "publicly".

A discord server is a group of people and you have to be invited or use an invite in order to use it, therefore, by definition it's private.

While Twitter is an public space, where ANYONE can join and see something easily using a link or a webpage.

You knew what you did was wrong, but did it anyway because "ya entitled for having a opinion about a cartoon I like!" and wanted an excuse to harass a couple of teenagers out of boredom.

At this point, im not even scared anymore.

This kind of behavior is just childish at most, pathetic at worst.

You want to know the worst part of it?

Much of the harassment I received was about Hazbin Hotel, a show with fictional characters, in a fictional world, in a cartoon! People sent me death threats, stalked me, and caused me to almost k*ll myself (an attempt to as well.) as a kid over a CARTOON.

All because I said that I had things I didnt like about it, suddenly, people treated it as if it was an insult to "everything" about them, thier entire being, like teenagers fighting over who stans a pop star the "best." or two kids screaming at eachother over who's the "strongest" in a show.

It's pathetic, and honestly I cant even take it seriously anymore because it's become so predictable and shallow that I almost expect people to be petty at this point. Like, when I was a kid, my arms would shake, I would cry, I would have su*cidal thoughts, and would break down since... you know... they did this to me as a kid.

But now, it's hilariously predicable how often these people scream at you over a bunch of drawings, some random social media drama no one will care about in a few years, and expect you to take them entirely seriously over how you furious they are about how insulted thier icon or thier "queen" or some drawing that's voiced over for a cartoon show, treating it like a person attack and again, wasting hours of thier time on things that doesnt even matter since the person they're intentionally trying to piss off wont even see it!

They act all proud, thier back hunched, thier teeth grinding as they slam thier keyboards for hours over some cartoon character they fawn over or some woman who they have never met, and at this point... all I can do is laugh, they cant even make a point for the life of them (let alone do much research outside of mostly headcannons or entirely made up fluff.) and then they act like it's some kind of achievement when they just screamed over nothing!

Especially since I could easily just block them, close the computer, and go talk to people who actually know and care about me.

Again, there will always be people who listen and understand.

Many wont, in fact, you'll interact with hundreds of scummy or outright awful people online, many will lie, spread shit (no matter how how ridiculous that it sounds, people will believe it if you find the "right" crowd for it.), scream at you, some will even do things that are outright illegal (also looking at you people who doxxed Vivziepop, dont think that I forgot about your asses either. I get that u dont like Viv but damn that was just disgusting.), again, our of mere boredom and a huge hate boner for said person.

It's ridiculous, and at this point ive just stopped caring.

Not just because its the inevitable seeing how batshit insane certain parts of this fandom is, but because its so pretentious, overdramatized to ridiculous extents, delusional, and just plain petty that people have become. Not just towards this (and my past) blog, but in general its gotten so ridiculous that's just plain snicker worthy of a trainwreck instead of the "scary" place I used to have seen it as back when I was a kid, what a fandom, holy shit!

#and the best fandom of the decade award goes to... /j #no really #this is just plain pathetic #half of you have never even met me #let alone spoken to me #or just believe things on a whim regardless of context.#also 'its ok Cherry wasnt really a bully!' really crow? are we REALLY going there after everything I told you?#you're just going to automatically trust them like that when you've SEEN how theyre treated people with your own eyes?#both I #my friends #and several others as well #you saw that? didnt you?#when they went after lemoncritiques?#when there was clear evidence that im NOT goddamn 12 lmao #you saw that?#are you really going to beleive that automatically? no questions asked?#how the fuck does someone say that theyre 'all about questioning things' and 'constructive critique' but then see someone with VERY similar #to Vivziepop and just not even question it (or barely do so?)#what the fuck is with some of the parts of the critical community and thier double standards towards behavior like this?#its like they only care more about deplatforming or cancelling Vivziepop's show at this point. Or just hate Vivziepop in genera.#it becomes more about cancelling Vivziepop #rather than to call out said type of behavior as a whole by speaking about EVERYONE who does it since if its wrong... no one should do it!#what happened to 'constructive' criticism? when was it about hating on viv JUST to hate on viv or taking sides regardless of context?#this is the exact shit Weasal warned me about when it comes to this part of the fanbase. GOD I should have listened more closely.#I should have trusted my gut when I saw the red flags and unfollowed a LOOOOOOONG time ago.#but no! people have to trust anything they see because 'it has a screenshot!' (regardless of context) or 'but they're 'nice'!'#some of this fandom is legit on crazy pills (or are concerningly easily convinced.) JESUS CHRIST. so glad that ive finally found some #decent people because that is so hard to find here these days in fandoms like these.#block button my beloved #oh yeah

11 notes · View notes

imnobodyuknow · 1 year

Text

Surprise!!!

So, um... I hope none of you thought I’d stopped making digital art after I just got into it. I’ve actually been working on a number of digital projects -- I just haven’t gotten most of them finished just yet. 😅 One of these was a request from a friend of mine and fellow Ask Ace Attorney moderator (he goes by Mod Justice there), which I just recently finished! It’s a bit on the depressing side, but sometimes you just have to share your experiences (and the experiences every human being) in an artistic way.

The drawing’s subject matter was originally going to be a favorite YouTuber of his, but that ended up not working out, so I decided to change it to a favorite character of mine -- none other than the Courtroom Revolutionnaire herself, Athena Cykes!

What a surprise, am I right? 😏

As peppy and optimistic as she’s known to be, she's definitely been through her share of ups, downs, way ups, and way downs. (And neutrals, of course. Can’t forget those.) I can imagine one of the way downs looking something like this:

This isn’t meant to be a specific point in the Ace Attorney timeline -- it could be during one of the rougher parts of her lawyering adventures, or just an ordinary moment that found her attacked by fears and doubts. One thing you can be sure about when it comes to fears and doubts is that they don’t need an invitation to visit you, and many of them can be birthed from the words you’ve heard from others that were either meant to bring you down or that you ended up taking that way. Letting go of these words and moving on is undoubtedly one of the biggest challenges of life. It certainly has been for me, at least.

In Athena’s case, I imagine said words (no pun intended) would include those spoken to her by a rude classmate...

...a friend whom she frustrated by accident because of her sensitive hearing...

...cranky and impatient employers who took it out on her...

...and of course, the judge who refused to listen to her during her childhood.

And I haven’t even gotten into the traumatic moment that happened before that. That’s something I can’t even imagine dealing with.

Just as a side note, “you really haven’t changed much” is something a former employer of mine once said to me. I later learned that they were going through some problems of their own at the time, but nonetheless, it’s taken me quite some time to get past it. If I ever become an employer somewhere down the road, God forbid me from ever saying that to someone who works for me.

This leads me to another thing I’ve noticed about fears and doubts -- they don’t have to have the same origin in order to attack you at the same time. Sometimes they swarm in when you happen to be stressed, tired, discouraged, angry, or a combination thereof. I wonder if that’s where the saying “misery loves company” comes from? 🤔

I wouldn’t draw or share something like this without including the positive side of it, of course. In this case, it’s Athena herself and who she is today, not to mention what she’s been able to accomplish despite these fears and doubts. You sure couldn’t tell by looking at her what all she’s been through...

...but as she herself could tell you, even the happiest face has a mind behind it, which can, and often does, house some form of fear, sorrow, stress, and numerous other negative emotions. While a person’s struggle against them is a lifelong one, learning how to acknowledge them without dwelling on them, override them, and enjoy your life with or without them is what makes all the difference.

I’m no expert in psychology or psychotherapy, just to be clear. Just someone making observations about my own struggles with negative emotions. If you’ve had to deal with them day in and day out yourself (in other words, if you’re a human being), rest assured that you’re not alone. If we’re gonna struggle, we might as well do it together. 😉

The background and Athena’s pose were inspired by a picture found in a Let Me Explain Studios video (specifically at 12:52)...

...and the creepy faces -- or “shadow demons” as Mod Justice calls them -- were inspired by an equally creepy album cover:

The music wasn’t too creepy, though. 😄

The main point I hope to convey with this drawing is that the quality of your life depends largely on the words you listen to, as well as a second point: words are powerful tools that can either build up or destroy those who hear them, so always remember to use them wisely, whether spoken or written. I plan to use them as wisely as possible, both here and elsewhere. Wish me luck!

#ace attorney #athena cykes #digital art #proverbs 12:18

5 notes · View notes

drowninginredink · 5 months

Text

Okay rant time. Because if you're following me, you at least tolerate my aro bullshit. I'm going to say things I really shouldn't say, at all, ever, because I am just done. You have been warned. If you're offended by it, that is your fault. I am going to mention specifics and let me be clear. No one has done anything wrong. But people do hurt me without meaning to and without doing anything that's objectively bad and I'm just tired of biting my tongue. I don't feel seen or heard, and I'm feeling like maybe if I just shout a little louder that will change. I'm probably wrong, but ignoring these feelings hasn't worked, so I've got to try something else.

I just. I'm sick of it. Sick of always starting out loving fics in the beginning, when we're in the friends portion of friends-to-lovers, and then inevitably, no matter how much I'm in love with the whole fic, it always turns romantic eventually and my affection diminishes. And sure, that doesn't make me not like it, or hate it, but now I'm looking at all these feelings I don't experience and feeling like an alien. Again. For the millionth time.

I'm sick of every fic that I see people cooing over being romantic. Especially when it's too romantic for me to even do my usual thing of reading it anyway and just trying to enjoy what I can. I'm just so sick of seeing everyone worship one particular person on here (and this is not to call them out. They have done nothing wrong. And if you're mutuals with me, I can promise you it isn't you) when they write stuff that's so romantic it sent me into a crisis because normally I do not think about how everyone else thinks so fundamentally differently to me. But I could not even comprehend these feelings they had a character experience and had to ask a friend if allos actually feel that way. It was a good fic, and it wasn't their fault because everyone has a right to write whatever they want, but it wrecked my shit and not in the good way. And just, seeing everyone talk about how that fic was great murders me because it is just proof that the entire world is not like me and does not understand me.

I'm tired of people telling me that they would never write the relationships that are the ones I want. I shouldn't say that, because everyone has a right to write whatever they want, and you all are perfectly nice people who I don't want to piss off and who are my mutuals and are my friends even, but goddamn I'm sick of pretending that it doesn't absolutely fucking kill me that you all look at the kind of relationships I want to have, and the kind of life I want to live, and you cannot put yourself in my shoes for even a thousand words. You can't comprehend living like me. Do you know how much of a slap in the face that is? That you can't even try it once? Do you know how many times I've written romantic shit? But you can't even think about living like I intend to live. For my entire fucking life. I know I shouldn't feel entitled to anyone writing anything but goddamn I'm sick of swallowing my feelings when I'm expected to empathize with romance all the time, but people can say "yeah I'd never ever write that" to my face as if that's a decent thing to say and they don't expect me to be hurt and offended. And I know I'm a dick for that because it is awful to expect anyone to write anything but... The fact that people can say that to my face and expect me to be perfectly understanding. No. Actually. It hurts.

AND THEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING I SHOULD LIKE, SHOULD LOVE, IS EXACTLY THE THING I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR PEOPLE BESIDES JUST ME TO DO... AND THEY DO AN AROMANTIC ERASURE. BECAUSE ONLY ASEXUALS EVER EXIST. GOD FORBID. DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT ACES EXCLUSIVELY INVENTED AND POPULARIZED QPRS? WELL OF COURSE THEY DID, BECAUSE EVEN IF AROMANTICS LIKE THEM TOO, THE ONLY AROMANTICS THAT EXIST ARE AROMANTIC ASEXUALS, OBVIOUSLY.

I just. I'm not going to stop doing any of what I'm doing. I still will be out here writing and reading and pushing my aro agenda. I probably should pull away from fandom if it's causing me this much grief... But to do what? Take in normal media that's also allo as fuck? Listen to all my music that's also about romance? Watch movies and TV shows with romantic subplots to ignore? Stop writing things that make me genuinely happy? Expect people to read my fics but not read anyone else's? Stick to the same 3 podcasts that used to be pretty much the only media I was taking in and maybe now I'm realizing that's because they are all very platonic in vibe?

And it also doesn't help that according to that poll this fandom is apparently 50% arospec and yet I see no one else complaining. Ever. And to be fair, I guess I didn't either before this post. I guess you all must just be biting your tongues like me. Well. For the moment I'm done. And if anyone actually read this and heard me and can relate, please do feel free to let me know I'm not alone, because I sure fucking feel it. I shouldn't feel it. I've seen the kudos numbers on my aro fics. Kudos numbers that high should prove something. But they don't apparently. Apparently I just think every one of them is an alloromantic who is glad to read about my experience for one story, but then goes back to their little lives of only thinking about romance.

I just. I'm tired of writing my own representation. I want someone else to do it too. Someone who I didn't have to ask to do it. I appreciate everyone who does encourage me or take my prompts or enthuse over my headcanons and fics but I am still very aware that I had to be the person to think of it first.

I like writing. I can't stop. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I stopped. Well, I do know. I'd go back to what I was doing before, which was mostly spending too much time playing video games on my phone. I like being creative with my time instead. I just wish I didn't feel like an outsider in my own community. I wish I didn't have to start a whole project to make space for myself. I wish I didn't feel obnoxious for talking about being aro every other word because hey, this fandom is apparently 50% aro, and all of the rest of them can shut up about it and enjoy fics like a normal person.

But how can I shut up and enjoy fics like a normal person when no matter what fandom I venture into, it's all romance and I'm not a normal person about romance at all? Some aros fucking love shipping! And I'm not even fucking romance repulsed, so I should have a better tolerance! I can deal with romance! I even like it sometimes, even if truthfully what I probably really like is the sexual and emotional connections between the characters. But it just... I guess I'm tired of tolerating it when it would be nicer if I could either like it or never read it again.

And then my friends say things like "just so you know, this fic might be too romantic for you" and I get annoyed by that, too, because I don't want to be seen as someone who can't tolerate romance like a normal adult, and because I do like a lot of things in romantic fics. They often have really good connection and sexual dynamics and emotional dynamics, even if I can't get behind the sappy stuff and that does taint it for me. I'm not just going to avoid them because then I'm missing a whole lot of good shit and there's not exactly much left when you take it all out. But then I bitch and react badly when stuff is romantic. Because apparently I can't just be fucking happy.

I don't know. We live in an alloromantic world. And I had been doing a fantastic job of really enjoying life because I just wasn't noticing that. But now I do see it. And I can't unsee it. And I wish I could. And I've been trying to vent to people, and they're nice... But I just get the feeling that none of them really feel the way I do, even when they're aro or arospec too. So I guess I decided maybe I should try shouting into tumblr instead.

And I know this post is going to bite me in the ass really hard when the people I'm ranting about read it, and I should just talk to them like an adult, but I just can't ever see those conversations ending in any way that I'm satisfied with. They end with me just having to say that I'm an asshole for being insulted by the fact that they won't write what I'd like to see. So instead I'm doing this and hoping they don't click read more. Stop being my friend for it. I don't blame you.

1 note · View note

philosopherbouquet · 1 year

Text

2022 summary, part 2/2

As I mentioned in my previous post (2022 summary - part 1/2), my recap for this year is broken into 2 parts. This part here is for all of the fanfiction I posted this year; works that were completed, one-shots, and works that were started. Once again, as this will be long (listed in alphabetical order for the fandoms I have written for), more will be placed under the cut.

PART 2 - Fandom News:

|Ace Attorney| 逆転裁判 | Gyakuten Saiban, for all events

Klapollo 2021 – a single one-shot (total word count: 1,226): Cat Nap

Wright Family Week 2021 – posted chapters 2-7 of “The Wright Family Album”, added words: 5,880

NaruMitsu 2022 – posted chapter 1/7 of “A Heart Still Remembers”, current word count: 1,466

Batman (All Media) + Batman: Wayne Family Adventures (Webcomic)

Bruce Wayne Week 2022 – a 7-chapter ficlet titled “A Heart Under Kelvar”, total word count: 6,187

Elder Scrolls/Elder Scrolls: Skyrim

TES Summer Fest 2022 – posted 2/7-chapter ficlet titled “A Bouquet of Nightshade”, current word count: 4,441

One Piece

Admirals Week 2021 – a 7-chapter ficlet titled “Secondary in Passing”, total word count: 6,438

Admirals Week 2022 – posted chapter 1/7 titled “A Uncle’s Duty”, current word count: 1,431

Marines Week 2022 – a 7-chapter ficlet titled “Moments Between Justice”, total word count: 8,197

Fight Week 2022, total word count: 7,576

1. Fisticuffs, 5-chapter ficlet

2. Walking on Air, one-shot

LawLu Week 2022 – posted 5/10-chapter ficlet titled “Dancing towards Dressrosa”, current word count: 8,653

Sly Cooper (Video Games)

SlyFox 2022 – posted 4/8 chapters ficlet “Burning Love”, current word count: 6,255

Young Justice – All Media/Young Justice (cartoon)

Bluepulse 2021 – one-shot for Jaime Reyes prompt card (total word count: 3,976): A Heart That’s Never Blue

I wrote a total of 61,727 words which is equivalent to a self-help book as per the wise words of Google. Which isn’t bad, but I had been hoping to do much more. Had so many ideas that just didn’t make it or I started but didn’t finish. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy I still wrote something, and that I got the chance to experiment with some new fandoms or events but compare to what I had written last year, I didn’t even make it to the halfway point which would have been around 70k.

There is a lot I want to try in 2023, so let’s see how the new year treats everyone. (Honestly, hopefully much much better than last year or God forbid the year before).

So, to everyone that did one or all of the following on AO3 (Kudo/bookmark/comment) AND/OR on Tumblr (liked/re-blogged/left a reply). I truly thank you once again. Writing is fun and you should try to write more for yourself than for others but somethings it just takes a nice comment to really make your day.

#personal post #personal #summary #summary post #summary of fanfiction #summary of 2022

0 notes

modew · 3 years

Text

I am not sex averse, but please don’t call the ace police

On good days the ace community emphasizes how everything is on a spectrum and how people can have any number of labels and experiences.

On bad days interacting with fellow ace folk just makes me feel doubly excluded. There is the corner that seems to keep screaming in my face that asexuals aren’t robots and can in fact have romantic relationships. As aromantic ace I’m like ‘I see you and I see what you are fighting for’, but my compassion wax and wanes. I understand the importance of your struggle, it’s just not mine.

To make matters ‘worse’ I am not sex averse or repulsed so the whole cake thing doesn’t really speak to me either. I know all these memes mean a lot to you and it’s great that your experience is represented and all but in the meantime I’m just over here trying to not utter the word ‘sex’ in fear of repercussions. I think if I had discovered asexuality on tumblr, or God forbid AVEN I would never have adopted the identity. As it is, I watched Bojack (multiple times) and nothing ever clicked for me.

I want to recount how I actually realized I was asexual, mostly so I can quote the content that made me feel included. Maybe it will be as validating to others as it was for me.

Me realizing I was asexual started by stumbling upon it in a series of books. Namely, ‘Criminal Intentions’ by Cole McCade. He is on the ace spec himself and I want to quote from a Q&A he wrote:

“Asexuality is a spectrum, and different asexual people experience it to different degrees. [...] Some never experience physical desire at all, with or without attraction; some experience desire, physical arousal, etc. but just not in the context of being aroused by physical attraction to another person. Some are sex-repulsed; some aren’t. You can have an active and frequent sex life and still be asexual; you can never have sex at all and be asexual; you can have sex infrequently and only in conditional circumstances, and still be asexual. It’s not about sexual activity or capability unless a specific asexual person wants it to be. […] We’re all different, and our asexuality is generally nuanced and highly specific/personal to us.”

After picking up more novels with ace representation (I wasn’t yet ready for non-fictional research), I finally started listening to the podcast ‘Sounds Fake But Okay’ by two hosts on the aspec. Here is a quote from their website:

“As we mentioned before, sexual attraction is not the same as someone’s sex drive or their libido. Someone’s sex drive is just that — their drive to have sex. If someone has a high sex drive or libido, they may enjoy sex a lot and want to do it a lot. Someone with a low sex drive may think sex is just okay and doesn’t feel the need to engage in it often.

This is not the same as sexual attraction or asexuality. Asexuality and other sexualities deal with which people you are or are not attracted to, not your desire or interest in sex in general.”

(https://www.soundsfakepod.com/what-is-asexuality)

Finally, I picked up the book ‘ACE’ by Angela Chen. I am going to quote something that's in a similar vein to the above quotes because I feel like I have to prove that those perspectives exist. Clearly I am feeling defensive and I might be laying it on thick. But maybe there are others who need to read something like this if they are once again driven to doubt their identity.

“To the best I can tell, sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with a specific person for physical reasons. Sexual attraction can be instantaneous and involuntary: a heightened awareness, a physical alertness combined with mental wanting. My allo friends say they feel sexually attracted to people they have just met, to people whose company they don’t enjoy, to people they don’t like or even find good-looking.[...] Aces don’t experience this. Aces can still find people beautiful, have a libido, masturbate, and seek out porn. Aces can enjoy sex and like kink and be in relationships of all kinds. To many allos, this is unexpected. [...] Sexual attraction is so often conflated with sexual drive and other types of attraction. These things are distinct, but [...] when any two things often go together, people wrongly assume that they must always go together.”

As you might have noticed from the quotes I chose I have feelings about asexuality being equated with not wanting to have sex.

I have encountered a lot of people on AVEN that weren’t sure whether they had the right to claim the asexual label. So many posts by questioning people were answered with ‘If you want sex, you aren’t asexual’.

I am glad I had other resources and perspectives at hand. There is only so many times you can read ‘asexuals don’t want to have sex’ and feel confident about belonging.

At this stage I don’t doubt my identity anymore. Sometimes I even reach this heightened state of mind where I don’t even care what other people say.

I want to plead for more inclusion but I don’t really know how to ask for it. Being a minority means to not be represented. Being a minority in a minority even more so. When I type asexuality into tumblr I don’t expect all the content to reflect my experience. And it’s not like I don’t want people to stop celebrating that they don’t want to have sex and that that is ok....

I am coming to a dead end. Maybe I am just tired. I guess all I wanted to express was my frustration at sometimes feeling not represented and other times downright excluded. Just stating it as is because I know there are people out there who feel similarly. Sadly people drift away from the community. Which of course doesn’t help with more diverse representation.

In the end, I guess what I can ask for is to acknowledge the diversity of the ace spectrum. I see the posts that already do. But I also see aromantic aces and aces that have sex(or are interested in sex) feeling excluded and alienated.

#asexuality #ace spectrum #aro spectrum #ace representation #ace solidarity #aroace #asexual #sex positivity

236 notes · View notes

thefanficmonster · 2 years

Note

woke up craving daylor + i am currently sick ACDHJK

anyways. hcs of them taking care of each other when one of them is sick?

Sorry to hear you're sick bro :( Hope you get better soon and you better be taking care of yourself 😤 Until then, enjoy the headcanons 😊

~ Vy 💌

Pairing: Daniel x Taylor [The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope]

Warnings: Swearing, Sickness

Genre: FLUFF, Humor

- When Daniel is sick, which happens very rarely, it's like dealing with a child

- Taylor has to trick him into taking his meds and has to plead with him to sit still to get his temperature

- God forbid she mentions he go to the doctor's for a checkup

- He'd probably hide in a closet and not come out until she swears in everything and anything that it was just an idea

- "Daniel, you're twenty years too old for this shit, come on!"

- And God forbid he's prescribed medicine that's bitter

- Or if the pills are too large

- Or if they aren't a fun color

- What did I say - an actual child!

- Now, an important thing to note is that Taylor would NEVER be this patient with anybody else

- She'd drop their case and sick ass instantly, avoiding the risk of catching whatever they have

- But she could and would never do that to Daniel

- Although sometimes, with that behavior, he deserves it

- One ace, or rather two, that she's got up her sleeve is

- 1. "Come on, D, it's just a pill. Drink it, please, for me?"

- That coupled with:

- 2. The pleading puppy dog eyes that he can never say no to

- Man's doomed from the very start, he can run but he can't hide

- Well, at least not forever

- Anywho, now it's time to flip the tables!

- What happens when the short but highly tempered redhead gets sick?

- As a starter, she denies it

- "No, I don't have a fever, I just ran!" She never runs

- "No, my nose isn't runny! Just allergies!" She doesn't have any allergies that she's exposed to on the daily

- "No, I don't have a sore throat, just whispering to not wake the others up/disrupt the class." Yeah, that would work in the right setting, but when in a completely random place where no one is asleep it makes no sense

- And obviously doesn't buy ANY of it not even for a second

- "T, get your ass to bed, I'll make you some tea."

- Surprisingly enough, she argues only a LITTLE before complying

- She's learnt how much of a pain in the ass it is for someone you're trying to help to be refusing your methods

- *cough* Like scaredy cat Daniel *cough*

- And so she doesn't want to do the same to him, just so she can prove that she does have the moral high ground here

- But yeah, she'll still pull the:

- "Don't hang around me a lot, you'll catch whatever I have too"

- Chances are, Daniel will ignore those instructions

- And do the complete opposite

- *cough* Cuddle with her *cough*

- Anyways, what's up with all this coughing?

- *looks to the side*

- Ohhh Andrew is sick too!

- Man really be third wheeling no matter what

@artlovingbre @megandaisy9 @sparrow-gg @squirreljoe @lavadoge @nyctophiliiiiaaa @ateliefloresdaprimavera

#the dark pictures anthology #the dark pictures man of medan #the dark pictures anthology little hope #the dark pictures #the dark pictures little hope #little hope daniel #little hope taylor #little hope andrew #taylor x daniel #daniel x taylor #daylor #taniel #headcanons #request

12 notes · View notes

bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

Text

Confession Time

TW: For talks of mental illness as well as a mention of suicide.

This has actually been on my mind for quite a while but I was worried about how it would be taken. However this has actually come up several times in the Azula tag now so I might as well talk about it. And before I get to the point I just want to say that I’m very much open to respectful discussion. Please don’t rip me apart over this.

So here we go; Azula/Therapy makes me rather uncomfortable.

And it does so on a rather personal level and for several reasons. I can’t really get into my biggest reason because it’s very deeply personal and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it online. So I’m gonna start with the less personal reasons as to why I think that Azula/Therapy is kinda sketchy imo.

I feel as though most people who ship Azula/Therapy don’t really realize how it affects real people? For one thing I feel like it makes a joke of therapy. It’s kind of hard to explain but therapy isn’t some cute and quirky thing. It’s a very serious matter and to ship Azula/Therapy like it’s the next Drapple (Draco/Apple) just doesn’t sit right with me.

Now don’t get me wrong, I feel like most people who ship Azula/Therapy don’t particularly mean any offense. I feel like to a degree it comes from a place of innocence. But and its big but, I think that Azula/Therapy got its origins from a not so wholesome place. In fact I think that the ship was born from a place of hate. I think that the first time I encountered Azula/Therapy it was from a very notorious Azula anti. It gained traction with the anti crowd as a means to harass and guilt people for shipping Azula with anyone. And that’s not okay. I think that somewhere down the lines, the Azula fandom kind of reclaimed it but. I am damn near certain that this started as an Azula anti thing.

It’s one thing to ship Azula/Therapy because you don’t feel like Azula is sound enough to be in a relationship. But don’t try to guilt others for disagreeing. And this kind of leads me to my main problem with Azula/Therapy.

I think that it’s kind of, sort of (dare I say) ableist? Just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be loved. I’ve been kind of keeping tabs on discussions on this and I came across one anon who literally say something about how “Azula would just be a burden to her lover.” NGL that had me floored because this is the exact line of thinking that puts depressed people in a bad place. Speaking from experience, people with depression feel like burdens/like they are bringing people down. And to see this line of thinking being affirmed in fandom spaces does not help real people who are experiencing the same thing. God forbid someone shares disorder traits with Azula and they see that.

I am 100% that there are some relationships where a person just isn’t stable enough to be in a relationship and it would be detrimental for them to have one. But for other people finding a lover can be instrumental to recovery! So by all means, this is definitely a matter of something being a case by case thing. Getting a littler personal (but without getting into too many details) I know two people who literally saved each other. And by this I mean, one was super depressed and the other was ready to kill themself. Finding each other was what rekindled their will to live again. That’s why it really bothers me to see Azula/Therapy being tossed around so carelessly. To me there’s this underlying implication that mentally ill people shouldn’t be allowed to date and get love. And that’s just not fair? I feel like people maybe don’t think about this when posting Azula/Therapy stuff.

“Well Azula specifically shouldn’t be in a relationship yet because she’s not in a good place for it.”

Okay fair but consider a few things; 1. some people specifically write post-redemption Azula ship fics 2. some people enjoy writing out fics where romance helps her heal.

I have seen it come up that someone (I won’t mention names because I’m not sure if this user would want that) mention that they ship Azula/Therapy because they aren’t up to writing a fic that involves an arc of Azula getting to a place where she can have romance. Which is totally fair. But, that doesn’t mean that other people can’t. And I feel like this fandom has been trying to guilt people for shipping Azula with anyone. As mentioned, this isn’t fine. (@ mentioned user, feel free to reply).

Another thing that I saw was an anon saying that being anti Azula/Therapy is aro/acephobic. I’m going to put my foot down as someone who has been very openly aro/ace and say, don’t try to speak for all of us. Yes romance isn’t the solution for everyone because romance isn’t what everyone is looking for. And I absolutely agree with this. However Azula is a fictional character and not everyone headcanons her as aro/ace. For some people, writing Azula in a romance as part of the healing process is what makes them happy. It doesn’t make them aro/acephobic.

One more thing that I saw come up regarding Azula specifically. And I think that they made a wonderful point; Azula’s breakdown (as I interpreted it) came from a lack of love. Azula craved genuine affection whether she realized it or not. So I would argue that Azula would be one of those people who could strongly benefit from being in a relationship as part of the healing processes. By all means, make therapy a part of that healing process! She can be in a relationship and she can still go to therapy. She can use that therapy to help her keep that relationship healthy. I guess what I’m trying to say is I could get on board with Azula/*Character*/Therapy as an OT3. 99.99% sure that this is really common in real life. Actually 100% sure because (again without sharing too much personal info) I have seen a rather unstable person get into a relationship and use therapy to help them make sure that said relationship stays healthy.

A person doesn’t have to be 100% mentally sound to be in a relationship. And having a mental illness while being in a relationship doesn’t automatically make it a toxic or dangerous relationship on principal. I think that (depending on the disorder) some long discussions need to be had and some boundaries need to be put in place. Speaking from experience, I have heard someone say something akin to, “alright, I have *disorder* if I ever do *bad habit* then take these steps and don’t let me push you around...” Things like that.

TL;DR: I feel like Azula/Therapy (even if it comes from a well meaning place) can be disheartening for people who relate to Azula & people who already feel like a burden in their real life relationships. Ship Azula/Therapy if you want and if it makes you comfortable but don’t try to shame people for shipping her with other characters. Also be weary of people who ship Azula/Therapy as a means to belittle others.

I think that’s it for now. If I think of anything else, I’ll add it. I’ll just end by saying that I don’t mean this to be antagonistic or yell at anyone but to offer a new POV.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Fandom Discourse #Azula Discourse #Confession

100 notes · View notes

firelxdykatara · 4 years

Note

Hi, heavensweetheart in an ask mentioned you’ve written meta on adults writing about teen sex and told me I should ask you about it. I was wondering if you could give your thoughts on this in the context of ATLA, in fanfic and the Suki and Sokka tent scene. Some teens are having a meltdown over that scene saying it’s immoral for 16 y/o to have sex and imply that and I’m so confused. When did teens suddenly become allergic to sex? It wasn’t like that when I was one not long ago?

I’ll probably have follow up questions, but I’ll save those for now. Unless you say you don’t wanna talk on that anymore, which I totally respect. I’m just so confused as to why teens now are rioting against the Sokka and Suki scene, and even the *slight* implication that Zuko and Mai had sex too. They sound like church moms rather than teens and that’s jarring shift in culture in just a few years

I COMPLETELY understand teens wanting to avoid sex and stuff in their own lives or the media they choose to consume on personal levels but don’t know why they’re waging war against it

they’re complaining about that scene now too???? idk why i’m so surprised, considering everything else i’ve seen ppl getting up in arms about in the fandom it was only a matter of time, but jfc

listen, here’s an inconvenient factoid that fans--adult and minor alike--need to bear in mind before they go off half-cocked: underage teens have sex. it’s not like there’s some magical switch that gets flipped the instant someone turns 18 that unlocks their Raging Hormones where before they were Completely Sexless Beings. that’s not how it works. (i’m not bringing asexuality into this because ace ppl can have sex and even decent sex drives, libido and sexuality are not the same thing, and sexual awakenings can happen at just about any age post-puberty.) furthermore, coming-of-age tales (which often involve blossoming sexuality, as that is frequently a part of such narratives) are always going to be published and written by adults.

adults are, by and large, the ones with the resources and time to create finished and polished pieces of fiction and pitch them and get them into publishing houses and sold. teenagers who manage this are the exception to the rule, and the only one i can think of off the top of my head (christopher paolini, who started writing eragon when he was fifteen) was still an adult (at 19) by the time he actually managed to get published. adults are also, sorry to say, going to have a better understanding and perspective on what it was like to be a teenager--because they not only lived through it, but they have distance and a better ability to look at it objectively than someone still in the throes of massive hormonal changes and struggling through high school.

this doesn’t always work to our advantage--’adults forgot what it was like to be kids’ is a major theme in a lot of media for a reason--and sometimes it’s depressingly obvious just when any given author actually experienced being a teenager, because regardless of the setting their characters and plot points and tropes are incredibly dated--but it does typically mean that when an adult author is writing about teenagers having sex, or experiencing a sexual awakening, having a first love and everything that comes with that as a teenager, they aren’t acting like some voyeur watching teens gettin’ it on from the outside, but rather drawing on their own lived and remembered experiences and using those to inform their writing. (or experiences they wish they could have hand, like many queer authors who weren’t able to safely come out as teens and so get to experience being a kid and being able to be queer through their own writing in a way that was denied them in their own lives.)

i’ve done ‘first kiss’ and ‘first time’ type stories, now, as i am, as an adult, and i was never thinking about it as some outside observer perving on teenage characters--i was remembering what it was like when i was that age, and channeling that into my writing. no one is obligated to read or enjoy the things i write, of course, but trying to tell me that i’m not allowed to write about the things i felt as a teenager, just because i’m an adult now? that’s a quick way to get told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

now, that being said, it’s absolutely flat ridiculous to me that people are complaining about the idea that suki and sokka were having sex, when they were child soldiers in a goddamn war. why is it more acceptable that they were preparing to fight and possibly die in a fierce battle, but gods fucking forbid they be implied to have a sexual relationship with each other before-hand? why is it more acceptable that children fight and die and kill (and yes, the gaang had a bodycount to their names, even aang), but the idea that mid- and older teens having sex is so taboo? nothing was even shown! it was all but spelled out, but in that scene we didn’t even see them kiss, it just immediately cut away after sokka called suki back to his tent!

what this tells me is that people are having a meltdown over the mere suggestion that these fifteen and sixteen-year-olds were sexually active, and considering that by the time i graduated high school (over a decade ago) i knew five girls personally who’d gotten pregnant and either dropped out or been homeschooled for a few months to have their kids before coming back to finish out their classes, i’m having trouble with this idea that even thinking of the fact that teenagers have sex should be so virulently anathema.

teens have sex with each other. sometimes teens get pregnant. sometimes these things find their way into YA fiction, and that is a genre that is almost 100% written by adults. (i’m sure some started writing as teens and maybe even got their early fiction reworked and polished, but the vast vast majority are at least adults, if not totally out of their teens, by the time they are officially published.) sometimes these things find their way even into narratives aimed at a younger audience, because there are always going to be elements that children won’t understand but the adults watching will get a kick out of--think of all the jokes in Shrek that you didn’t understand if you saw it for the first time as a kid, which seem even more hilarious once you’re an adult and have context for them.

no seven-year-old kid is gonna look at the scene of zuko walking in on sokka and the latter inhaling a rose he was holding between his lips as he waited for suki and think ‘OMG HE WAS EXPECTING HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEY WERE GONNA HAVE SEX’--not unless something else was going on in that household, and at that point its not the show’s fault by any metric. but adults or even older teens are probably gonna get a chuckle, understanding the wink and the nudge that younger kids won’t get cause they don’t have context for that kind of romantic/sexual coding. and that’s ok!!!! the fact that people won’t get it unless they already have context for that sort of behavior is exactly why it works as a subtle joke!

and, again, the fact that a kid was killed on-screen and the fact that the main characters are all effectively child soldiers in a war, and these are somehow not topics that are too mature for the audience at which the show is aimed, but implications (which the target audience won’t understand, but older people who enjoy the show will) that teenagers are having sex is somehow beyond the pale???? (sure sokka might die tomorrow, but at least he wasn’t having -gasp- SEX before he did!!!!! that’s how they sound and it’s fucking ridiculous)

i genuinely do not understand that attitude, and i don’t think i ever will.

#atla #sukka #atla fandom salt #salt for ts #im just so.... so flummoxed #asked #Anonymous

69 notes · View notes

occasionallyish--archive · 4 years

Text

Some random BNHA boys headcanons!

(Featuring K.Bakugou, H.Shinsou, H.Sero, and E.Kirishima!)

*I've seen all of the anime, so far, but am not very far in the manga. If some are canonically disproved, then I'll figure that out on my own time–

I do mention things I think up to the point of the school festival(I think that's around where the anime goes to, at current), though. If you haven't caught up to that point, you may not want to read this post.

Also! I love to interact. If you have anything to pitch in or would like to request specific headcanons or, hecc, I also love analyzing/pairing relationships, hmu!

TW, cheating and divorce! And self-loathe! Lengthiness under the cut!

Katsuki Bakugou

His dorm room is sort of a mix between Izuku's(not like he'll ever admit it), Eijirou's, and Kyouka's. The color scheme is prolly really based around his hero costume, with lots of blacks and oranges and maybe even a hint of green. Knowing his pride, even his sheets are prolly custom-made to match his aesthetic. Kat's got a punching bag and maybe other training equipment and, after the school festival, he ended up giving into his new hobby and got his hands on a drum kit. He's also got a couple of All Might merch, ofc– A poster, maybe a collectible here and there.

Katsuki isn't necessarily aromantic, because he does crush and knows a relationship-worthy person when he sees one. But, he strictly identifies as such because he feels it'd be selfish as a pro hero to have a lover than can be targeted. Plus, well, he has no interest in distractions, as tempting as it may be.

He's kinda like a tsundere when it comes to his parents' clothes lines, lmao. They love sending him stuff to wear and he honestly does feel pretty stylin' when he wears such, but he always protests and is all "Nada nada nada, I'm not some goddamn walking ad"

Kat's the only person in class 1-A who's completely fluent in English. Momo and Shouto are the only two that can really compete.

Hitoshi Shinsou

Shin's room is actually very cozy, warm, comfortable. He keeps a lot of cooler colors like grays, blues, and purples, with plain sheets. He also kinda sorta takes pride in the white fairy lights that decorate the walls– That lighting is kind of dim, but rediates calm vibes. He also has a sort of nest of plush pillows on his bed, that he can just sorta fall into at the end of a long day! It's surprisingly neat(other than his bed), as while he is too lazy to clean, Hitoshi's also too lazy to make a mess.

Over his time in UA, Hitoshi also develops his own sorta unlikely friend group! This includes Izuku Midoriya(Sports Featival, self-explanatory), Denki Kaminari(EraserMic parallels, plus I think a certain mangacap), Neito Monoma(It all started with a fist fight...), Momo Yaoyorozu(Responsible woman), and Mei Hatsume(They met during the Sports Festival). I like to think that Monoma and Shinsou are exes. It's a tolerate-hate relationship.

Similarly to Katsuki, Hitoshi sort of identified as ace-aro before having gotten with Neito. He doesn't really know what he identifies as, now, but he does crush every now and then.

Shin's got three pet cats! There's Bonji, a ginger tom of a housecat. He's a really prideful spoiled jerk that Hitoshi can't help but love, despite his ego. Bonji also probably ends up fathering Monster's kittens– She's a very very fluffy, chubby grey-and-white Manx. She's real snuggly and calm, and quiet. More of an observer than anything. Then there's Bear, this time a really whiny brown-and-white Manx that tends to get herself in trouble.

Also, if he's not a hero, then he's definitely a therapist. Or an author. Or both, most of the time. His office is called "Hear Meowt" and he's known for bringing cats in, from the local shelter.

Guns scare him. He thinks it's kind of a silly fear(especially for a pro hero) and would prolly get teased if it ever gets out, but– He could never bring himself to even shoot one. Gets all nervous if somebody in the room possesses one. The only class he puts 100% effort into, is Snipe's.

Also, Hito just– Never learned how to swim, cnejcmf. He's not scared of it or anything, and he's okay with hanging around a pool, but he can't swim and won't admit it.

Hanta Sero

Growing up he had a really bad habit of chewing his elbows(He also happens to be a flexible king) and ended up having to get braces(blush surgery because he messed up his goddamn elbOWs). That's why he has such straight teeth. He doesn't really like admitting it so he tries to be subtle but early on in the year he chewed on his retainer, too, and I bet there was one day where everybody just heard SNAP! from inside his mouth. Smile thru the pain, bby.

Also, yes, Hanta is a stoner– But! Being a hero-in-training, he's prolly ths most responsible stoner you've ever met. He'll never smoke on days that he has class or that he plans to train, and God forbid sharing his weed with others(unless, y'know, there's a responsible sober person around).

As such, he's not allowed to attend Bakugou's birthday. Doesn't stop anybody(other than Katsuki) from dragging him in, anyway, tho.

Eijirou Kirishima (But mostly his family)

His youngest sisters are the product of, ah, a cheating mother. So yeah, both parents are now divorced though the kids are in said mother's custody, because unfairness. Thing is, with a single mother that works, the situation gets especially bad after Ei moves into the dorms.

His older sister, the oldest of the kids, is Etsuko. She's 22 and left to America for college, as soon as she got the chance. She hates mom but is chill with all of her siblings, talking with them and dad whenever she gets the chance. Otherwise, her current girlfriend is a pro hero!

Then, after Eijirou, is Akari. He's 13-14 and filled with angst and anger and bitterness, not really going out of his way to show his hate toward the twins but definitely doing so if prompted. Their mom's sort of in the same boat, except for the fact that he just avoids her entirely. Akari takes after his dad, a lot, and sees him as a role model. Visits him whenever he gets the chance.

And then, there's Aiko and Aika(both twins, 8). Ko is really quiet, reserved, smart– She's the only of the two aware of why they don't have a father figure. As such, she has an internal self-loathe and does sometimes get angry and lash out, as a product. Ka's pretty much the opposite. She's real naive and fun and loud, the kind to play sports and gossip about boys and playfully tease her siblings. She doesn't really know much or care about the situation, but she does wish Akira would be nicer :(

As for Eijirou? Well, he's in a real tough situation. He loves both his mom and dad to pieces and could never exactly take a side, even if a small part of him resents mom for what she'd done to the family. After the divorce and especially after Etsuko left, he became sort of the man of the house, taking responsibility for all of his younger siblings. He caters to both his mother and father and though there is a lot of tense energy between the three, Ei gets by. After the dorms are implemented, he takes every chance that he possibly could to slip by.

26 notes · View notes

lemonii-love · 4 years

Text

So this project represents a lot for me.

I haven’t seen it or touched it in months; I can’t even remember the last time I worked on it.

Originally, it was intended to be a gift for my partner. Her favorite color is purple, and since she lived across the pond (I’m in California, she’s in the UK), I wanted to knit her something to make her think of me - not that that was ever an issue, as we talked everyday for the entire length of our friendship.

Even though we never met, we had this plan that eventually we would, we would get married, find a house in the country side, live the whole cottagecore dream. It made sense; there’s no one I’ve ever clicked with more than her. We were a perfect match in so many aspects, and to this day, I don’t think anyone has ever understood me the way she did.

But in February of this year, she broke up with me.

I use that phrase very liberally. We were never actually dating, at least not from my point of view. But during the end of our friendship that was a constant point of stress; she wanted more, but I didn’t want to tie her, or myself, to something that couldn’t happen until years into the future. And to make matters worse, during our time together I realized I may be aromantic. I wish I’d known going into it, then I could have saved us both a lot of heart ache, but I’d never had a serious relationship before.

In the beginning she tried to be supportive. I started to realize I may be aromantic about a year before I actually told her, and the realization was crushing. I didn’t want to be aromantic. I wanted to be normal, to have the life we dreamed of together, and this made me feel like we never could. It was months and months of me trying to prove to myself I couldn’t possibly be aro, and then even more months of me talking to other aro people, trying to come to terms with it and understand what it meant for me. And, more importantly, what it meant for Her.

I think one of the worst part of being aro, as opposed to being ace, is how She reacted to it. If I had been ace, she would have been fine. Ace means no sex, or maybe only sometimes, and that was something she could respect. What she couldn’t live with was the idea that I didn’t love her enough. And it didn’t matter that that wasn’t true - I’ve never loved anyone like I loved her. For two years, I talked to her what felt like all day every day. I told her anything and everything about myself, things I could never tell anyone else. I poured so much of my life into Her.

But it wasn’t enough. Because I was aromantic, and she couldn’t see the difference between how I felt about her, and how I felt about my best friend. I tried to explain it everyway I knew how from my little bit of experience, I showed her the split attraction model and tried to make her understand the difference, but she just... couldn’t. And it was awful. It made me feel awful, for hurting her, and for the way she hurt me, made me feel like my love would never be enough for her, even when I gave her all I had to give.

For all her talk about love, how there are so many different kinds, she really doesn’t understand it at all. If she did, she wouldn’t have grown to resent me, she would have seen how much I loved her, even if it was different from the way she loved me.

But I think the biggest tragedy, is that it never had to happen in the first place. We didn’t need to break up because we were never dating. At least, that’s what I thought. And whenever it came up, I made sure to gently remind her that I saw us as friends, and that I didn’t want her restricting herself to only me. it wasn’t fair to either of us. She always insisted she knew, she wasn’t stupid, she just didn’t want anyone else, but the pressure of knowing she was entirely devoted to me was suffocating.

I realized later, long after the final fight that ended things between us permanently, that she spent the last several months of our relationship lying to me. I could pinpoint the exact day when her resentment began to fester and build, until it finally culminated on February 17th; ironically during aro awareness week.

It was October 18th. Half an hour before my Statistics class, we were talking as usual. She mentioned her mother who asked if the two of us were dating, and I made some comment I don’t even remember, but I’m sure you can guess meant something along the lines of, “You know we’re not together.” She agreed, but her tone was completely different, and then she stopped talking to me all together. For the rest of the day, and the next. I tried to continue messaging her here and there, but she ignored me, until I finally gave up. She agreed, but in February, she put the final nail in the coffin when she said, “I was only telling you what you wanted to hear.”

And that completely shattered my world. Months of our relationship had been built on lies. She told me that from the day I told her I thought I was aromantic, she knew we wouldn’t stay together. Long before that she told me that whatever happened, romantic relationship or not, we would always be friends. And then she destroyed that too.

Sometimes I wish i was ace instead. People in our community are so much more willing to accept that over aros. Because it’s fine to not want sex, but God forbid you don’t feel love. At least, not the way someone else wants you to. It doesn’t matter if the love you feel is everything to you, it will never be enough to them. To Her.

I loved her so much, for so long, that when she left, it felt like she took all of me with her. I gave her everything and there was nothing left for me. I’m nothing like who I was before.

It took me months to scrape the pieces of my life back together. I went to school, I somehow managed to pass my classes, I even started making a few friends, before the quarantine. I managed to finally start working in May with the job I’d been working towards for two years. I’m not the same, and I doubt I ever will be - the first major heartbreak will do that to you - but I’m getting better,

And then she decides to drunk text me out of the blue, and it’s like I’d lost all of that progress I made. As soon as I saw her name flash across my screen I felt my stomach twist up in knots. I was cold and shaking with the worst anxiety attack I’d had in months. And all it took was a single text. I didn’t even have to read it, just see her name.

There were more, of course, she couldn’t leave it at just one. I somehow found the strength not to respond, even though I’ve thought about texting her every day since our break up. In the beginning I wanted to apologize - even though I didn’t know what for, aside for being who I am - and then I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me, and then I just wanted to know why. But I didn’t. Because I promised her I wouldn’t. And then she decides the fragile rules that she set between us, didn’t apply to her. That she has the right to come in and out of my life as it suits her, with no regard for how hard I’ve had to work to get over her.

But I didn’t respond, and she deleted the messages, and I still don’t know what, if anything, to say. I want to ask her if she’s trying to hurt me. I want to tell her not to drunk text me, because I hated it before and I hate it now, and it was her drunk texting that started this all, long before I realized I was aro and she realized she couldn’t live with it.

I gave her everything I was and more, and now all I have is this half-finished blanket in Her favorite color, and I don’t know what to do with it anymore.

45 notes · View notes

ithinkilikeit-reactions · 5 years

Text

Stray Kids appreciation post

a/n: I feel like the fandom can use this right now so here I am making this through tears. So here we go, wish past me luck while writing this. Also this a long post. NO MEMBER LEFT BEHIND

The making of Stray Kids

All survival shows are Hell. This is something I discover time and time again, each time I watcha survival show. But eliminating members, only to bring them back in the end anyways just seems like unnecessary torture to me. But when the members got eliminated, it was undeniable that Stray Kids is a family.

It made it especially hard to watch and even now I feel like these are some of the saddest moments. Chan hurt so much each time someone got eliminated or scolded. He knows he’s the leader and he feels responsible.

Bang Chan

Bang Chan is kind, loving, and one of the best leaders in Kpop (my opinion). HE cares so much for his members and puts so much time in the group. He has said multiple times that Stray Kids is his life and he probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for them.

Chan writes and produces almost everything for Stray Kids and 3racha. I know a lot of people hate him for certain things (I won’t mention because this is an appreciation post) but the amount of hate he receives is incredibly unnecessary. Telling him to kill himself and that he’s a horrible person is so out of line. So please be kind and if you feel some sort of way don’t comment anything and just leave his live/posts alone. Only send positivity his way, I believe he needs it right now.

Not too mention he’s a triple threat. He can sing, dance and rap.

Minho

Minho man, where do I start. He auditioned so many times and finally got in and I am so happy he did. Minho did not deserve to be eliminated and it was so hard to watch. But he was brought back and he has proven himself and then some (no that he needed to prove himself) his voice is lovely and he is a good rapper as well.

The love Minho has for his cats might be greater than the love he has for his members (I’m kidding... or am I?) No he loves his cats and members so much I just- I’m soft. Also he was one of BTS’ backup dancers predebut and if that doesn’t prove his dancing talent idk what does.

Changbin

Changbin in my opinion is one of the best rappers around in KPOP at the moment. His voice, his flow and his aura when he raps is incredibly and he can take anyone in a fair rap battle. Changbin looks all hard and has the voice of badass, but this boy is the biggest baby and just wants the best for everyone.

The group clowns him a lot but they do it out of love and you can tell he finds it funny. (As I wrote this I watched the moment where Changbin goes to turn the ac off because Jeongin was cold and Jeongin asks if he can even reach it... short king for the win) Changbin is fucking adorable and his friendship with Felix is my favorite thing in the world and I want to be that close to someone.

Hyunjin

Hyunjin is so much more than a pretty face. This man is so incredibly talented. His stage presence is aboslutely no joke and his facial expressions are insane. He’s so incredibly captivating on stage and you can’t help but let your eyes wander to him.

Hyunjin is a big baby and speaks in ᵗᶦⁿʸ when he speaks English and it’s precious. He does it for us Stays on his solo vlives and I really appreciate it and think it’s precious. Hyunjin does a lot for us.

Jisung:

Han Jisung is one of the most well rounded idols out there at the moment. His vocals, rap and dance are all nearly flawless. There’s is nothing he can’t do. His opening lines in ‘Double Knot’ had me so shook it sounded so good and had me question all my life choices. Just why did he have to snap so hard.

Jisung is also the duality himself. He is such a beautiful moodmaker (they all are but yeah) He is so funny and has the best sense of humour. Also his relationship with Hyunjin was apparently not great in the beginning but now you can’t tell at all. They are the closest buds and share a braincell.

Felix

The world smiles when he does. No but honestly, you guys know that video where he’s talking about the snow and he sounds so aussie, I think that might be my favorite video in the whole wide world. Here is the link to brighten your day.

Anyways, Felix’s voice is often used as shock value in their songs, but it’s so beautiful. His voice is quite versatile and he has quite a large range and when he sings everyone is SK is shook. JYP LET HIM SING. I have a huge soft spot for Felix.

We all knows Felix’s elimination was the most devastating thing to see. It was awful to watch and everyone’s reaction was absolutely devastating. He didn’t deserve that, not one fucking bit.

Seungmin

Seungmin is an angel but God forbid you make him choose between Day6 and Stray Kids (Same tho) No but really Seungmin has the voice of an angel but people don’t really know that so here I am to tell you. No but really Seungmin is absolutely amazing but also a total savage without necessarily meaning to be and I find that absolutely adorable.

Seungmin’s English is also the cutest thing in the world like hi hello are you deaf. I honestly adore him so much and wiish people would bias him more because he really deserves it. His personality is bright like the sun and I wish more people knew that.

Jeongin

The baby that’s not such a baby anymore. Where do I start? Sometimes I wonder if him training so young made him grow up too fast? But then I see the environment that Stray Kids have created for him and I worry less. LIke they treat him like the baby... a savage baby but a baby none the less. Jeongin’s smile is so precious and before, with and after braces and puppies cry if he cries.

This little baby is so talented and desrves all the love from his hyungs and everyone in the world needs to love him.

Family

Stray Kids is a family. The sense of brotherhood within this group is so strong. Chan and Felix are away from their families for years at a team, the don’t get the chance to just go home. These boys are their family. If you watch just a few of Stray Kids’ videos and you can tell. These boys love each other so much. They take care of eachother and are eachother’s home.

If you were to tell me Stray Kids have known eachother their whole lives, I would believe you.

Music

Stray Kids have music that means something (I don’t believe that every song needs to have a deep ass meaning but it’s nice)

When I listen to Stray Kids, I don’t feel like I’m listening to Kpop. I feel like I’m listening to people going through the same things I am.

Stray Kids want to make people feel like they are understood through their music and they want to make people feel better. They make me feel better.

So I guess I did this because Stray Kids deserves all the love and appreciation in the world and right now more than ever. Please, please only send positivity their way. If you don’t like Stray Kids, just ignore them, don’t go out of your way to be mean.

Stray Kids, we love you. Stray Kids we support you. Stray Kids we need you. Stray Kids, you make us stay.

#stray kids #thank you woojin #bang chan #chris bang #minho #lee know #changbin #jisung #hyunjin #han #felix #yongbok #seungmin #i.n #jeongin

443 notes · View notes

littlesailorinthesun · 4 years

Text

manifesto no. 790: why nikki/bobo is the best ship

(Author’s note: The title is in jest. It’s just for fun!)

In this essay I will explore the appeal of why Nikki/Bobo is actually the most narratively interesting ship you could choose for Nikki and for Bobo. Note that I don't intend to bash other ships or cause ship wars, because if you know me, you know that I am a multishipper and I support and enjoy ships like Nikkimi. I just want to explain why I personally like Nikbo and why it is the most interesting one to me as it exists in canon. Also note that because of the way I experience "ships", romantic ships and platonic ships have a very blurred and sometimes nonexistent line for me.

Shared Experiences

Not only do Nikki and Bobo first meet at the very beginning of the story, they spend nearly 100% of Volume 1 together, and all of Nikki's moments in Miraland as she learns about the world and forms impressions are spent with Bobo. Because of this shared time together at the beginning of the game, a lot of base game items and early events also have interaction between them, outside of what you see in the main story. By and large, they spend their happiest moments together. (There are way too many of these moments to list! Thank you, writers, for all the wonderful interactions.)

Of course, they also go through low points together. The rebellion in Chapter 12 was one of the few times they were separated before Bobo's eventual departure, and Nikki refused to leave Royal City with Ace until both Bobo and Momo were back with her. Bobo went from uncontrollable crying in V1:12-2 to feeling entirely certain that Nikki would be able to get them out of the mess by V1:12-7. (After all, she's Nikki's biggest fangirl!) The opposite happens in V1:15-9, when it's Nikki who's crying and Bobo giving her the strength to get up and fight. Despite that this was likely part of Bobo's mission, she makes sure to ask if Nikki's okay after Nidhogg defeats her for the first time. Neither situation actually involves much comforting, but they are both there for each other during those moments.

Relationship Arc

To me this is what makes the ship very interesting. Nikki and Bobo do not have a static relationship. It's something that morphs and changes and develops as the story goes on. We all know the feeling of discovering that Bobo and Nikki's meeting was not a coincidence at all and that she was actually ordered to befriend Nikki! But beyond this we also know that Bobo realized quickly into her mission that she actually really did like Nikki, which is a driving force in Bobo's storyline. Without her genuine affection for Nikki, I think her story would have actually been very different.

On Nikki's side of things, she had her faith in Bobo tested in V1:19-5 when it was suggested that Bobo might have been putting Nikki in danger on purpose. Of course, this wasn't far from the truth given Bobo's mission, though we don't know if every instance brought up (like Bobo tripping in the League Till outpost) was on purpose. But Nikki is so loyal to Bobo that she refuses to believe that she could have done anything like that. Reflecting on the matter in her dreamweaver The Girl's Decision, she says to herself, "Maybe you have your own difficulties, but I have always believed in you. You are my best friend on the Miraland. Your sincere wishes and dear heart, I have never doubted them." She also realizes then that she did not know how much she would miss Bobo until she was gone, which I think is important for contextualizing some of the earlier chapters.

We see their "low point" in the relationship at the end of Sunflower in Long Night, when the True King, who has been successfully manipulating Bobo for what seems like a while, forbids her from reuniting with Nikki who is actively searching her out. Paralyzed, she listens as Nikki leaves, and wonders to herself if that was the last chance she'd get, to which the True King responds, in the most ominous and chilling line to end a Dreamweaver ever, "You're right. There's no turning back."

Nikki does eventually find out the truth in Brave New World, but by then she's seen the turmoil Bobo's been going through, and assures her that even if her goals were false, their time together was not, and that her memories were proof of their true and real connection. Their bond of shared experiences was so true that even the lies could not break it - even if it could shake it.

Personally, I just find it more interesting when the ships have, like, literally anything that might stand between them. The deception in this - even if it's a double layered deception where Bobo was only deceiving Nikki because she herself was being deceived - is a fun dynamic to me. They formed their relationship despite the factors that worked against them, Bobo's conflicting motivations and Nikki's being kept in the dark. In a story where many of Nikki's relationships just happen because she ran into them on the street, this is a really refreshing relationship: a dynamic story underlied by a beautifully simple bond.

Mutual Desire to Protect

Both characters are marked by their overwhelming desire to protect each other. It is natural that Nikki wants to protect Bobo. Nikki sees her at her absolute weakest, disappearing right before her eyes in the Cloud Realm due to her uncertain status in the real world. Of course, that's what prompts Nikki to make that promise that the writers will totally make her follow through on, because they would never ignore a plot detail involving a major character: "Bobo... I will find you... I won't leave you anymore, I will face everything with you. Wait for me."

But it's also very important that Bobo wants to protect Nikki just as much. Immediately after leaving Nikki, she's already worried about her, thinking: "Nikki, how are you doing? Are you safe now? Have you found any new clues? I'm sorry I didn't protect you." (This actually reminds me a lot of how Orlando will address Flynn while talking to himself.) She's put in an even more precarious situation because she was meant to involve Nikki in the disputes of the world, which inevitably meant that Nikki was put into danger, over and over.

In my point of view, I think this is why Bobo left. It's canon, as stated in Daymare Fairy Tale, that the gun was what caused her to leave, because it caused her to "wake from her dream" (presumably referring to the good times with Nikki). However, the specifics of this are where I lean into theoryville. I think Bobo did mean to trip in V1:19-4 and that's what caused her to realize her actions crossed a line. A gun was pointed at her - and, presumably, at the nearby Nikki - and she realized she could not protect Nikki and involve her in disputes at the same time. She could not complete her mission. There's another more personal reason she could have decided to leave, and that would be that the sight of a gun pointed at her brought up the trauma from the events surrounding the death of her father. Regardless, I don't think either interpretation - that it was related to endangering Nikki or that it was related to her personal trauma - is wrong, but rather, it is easy to read more into it than what's stated so I thought it was worth mentioning.

Their desire to protect each other continues into Brave New World, both the day and the night sections. Really, these two are basically in an endless "no let me protect u" battle. Bobo breaks through the possession of the True King twice, once in Day and once in Night. Both times, she tells Nikki to run, to leave Miraland and herself, so that at least she can be safe. Both times, Nikki responds by telling her she isn't going anywhere: "No matter what you want to do, I will be with you. [...] I choose to stay here to protect the Miraland and keep everyone's dreams and future, to also keep our precious memories. I will not let you face this all alone. Trust me!" Eventually Bobo does accept this and tells Nikki that she trusts her to protect her. I can't wait for Nikki to make good on that promise and find her!

Personalities, Compatibility, and Character Analysis

I realize I have not touched on why their personalities work together, so here are some thoughts on them as individuals. (I will lean into hypotheticals and headcanons here.)

I see Bobo as someone who indulges too much in escapism. She likes to pretend things are okay when they really, really aren't. We see a bit of this when she refuses to believe Nidhogg could have betrayed Lilith in Chapter 12, and of course it's sort of... the entire thing about why she spends so much time gallivanting around with Nikki. After this she's pretty much forced to understand and accept the realities of the world all at once, and I think this is a major component of her character development. Nikki is both a source of her escapism and the entire reason why it comes crashing down. I think, in a hypothetical post-canon context, Nikki could still be that type of person who could help distract Bobo from things for a while (because god knows that girl needs some comfort).

At the same time, just due to Nikki's nature, she wouldn't let Bobo wallow too much in the past. Nikki believes strongly in moving on and becoming the best version of herself. This is a theme mentioned in her most recent birthday suit, Sparkling Cupcake. More personally, she reflects on it in her dreamweaver. She recognizes that she used to be a passive person and vows to change that in order to better protect the people she loves. So I know she would also do her best to help Bobo, because that's just who Nikki is.

As I think about Nikki's main goals and motivations beyond this, I keep seeing one theme pop up over and over: she places a strong value on happy memories. (Really, I cannot overstate this - she talks about it all the time.) She treasures her memories of Miraland more than anything, so much that she is willing to face its impending destruction, because they mean so much to her. These memories are something crucial she and Bobo already share. It's why I think she would find true happiness with Bobo.

(I will also touch on the obvious things here, albeit briefly: they have shared interests, like cuteness, the color pink, and romance, and they... uh... quite obviously get along.)

Comparison to Nikkimi

Really, like I said, this is not an attempt to bash or put down any ship. Nikkimi is great (and canon), but there are a few things that frustrate me:

Their relationship is largely focused on Kimi, not Nikki. Nikki is the one who comforts and supports Kimi on her journey, and Kimi is not there for most of Nikki's moments of weakness, nor does she accompany her on her journey. Kimi doesn't even know Nikki isn't from Miraland until... the very last stage of Volume 1, 19-SS3.

They get together quickly and stay together with no major interpersonal challenges. While yes, this is definitely ideal in real life, it's just not that narratively interesting.

Concluding Thoughts

If there is anything that marks the earlier chapters, it's Bobo's sadness over still being single. Yet, I love the trope of when someone didn't realize the person they were looking for... was with them the whole time!

Bobo has so many countless lines where she is fangirling over Nikki that it is very easy to read more into that. I think people ship her and Kaja for this reason but oh my god there are just as many if not more where she is Nikki's cheerleader, constantly complimenting her and hyping her up to the people she meets (just open Dreamweaver for this).

And even if you still prefer Nikkimi, Bobo having unrequited feelings for Nikki is also pretty fun.

#love nikki #nikbo #nikki/bobo #love nikki lore #character: nikki #character: bobo

31 notes · View notes

og-danny-dorito · 4 years

Text

[#2] Alfie Solomons With An Ace!S/O

Heyyy it’s been like, forever since i did one of these but regardless here i am with another one UwU. If you hav any requests or suggestions you can leave them either in my ask/submission box or in the comments on this post. I think that @time-is-a-lake suggested these, so thanks for that broski ;) These are a little longer than my last ones, but i hope you enjoy them anyway.

- So since this takes place in 1920's Birmingham and asexuality was most recently recognized officially in 2001 by a dude named David Jay, you can already imagine the mild amount of confusion people you try to explain this to would have

- Assuming you've watched Peaky Blinders (if not then you may very likely not understand what im about to say), the show is pretty much full of sex. Like, every other episode. Just basing it off of my basic knowledge of Birmingham in the 1920's and the whole operation they had going on there i would assume that this would be considered not only weird, but inherently abnormal in terms of physical health

- Now we know that that's not the case and that its natural for some to not identify with a generalized sexuality, but due to social and medical beliefs at the time, telling you big bear of a mans would probably raise some red flags for him

- He's never really been the type to listen to what people say unless it's important, or listen to what people say if they're criticizing his partner, but in this case he might view it as a medical issue

- The first time you tell him he's a little confused. It’s up to you whether or not you're actually going to be direct about it, but he'll initially assume it's because you're not attracted to him in particular

- Maybe you've gotten tired of him? Maybe this is just another way of saying you wanna back out? Or maybe-

- generally after an explanation, he'll get it a little more but still have questions

- "Is it like,, some sort-of malfunction. Y'know, in yeh head???" ( forgive me i cant write accents ) Alfie doesn't exactly get it at first because that cant be normal, right??? It just doesn't make sense??? Isn't it human nature to want to breed??? Needless to say this sort of challenges his whole thought process in terms of human biology even though his knowledge is a bit limited due to A) the time period and B) because he hasn't really had an education like that (he's intelligent, don't get me wrong, but the public education consisted of the "Three R's" which were reading, writing and arithmetic and some semblance of physical education and that was for boys. So you can assume the amount of education he had, excluding the fact that he's jewish and grew up in a complicated situation (see bottom for cited source))

- Regardless, even if he did have medical knowledge that was advanced for the time he still wouldn't know much about this so he has A LOT of questions

- Initially he's going to ask if you don't "y'know, get it up" or something like that. Explaining how it works and the limits and idea to your sexuality generally takes some time for him to understand and process fully since it isn't really considered natural in this time period. It kind of takes a while to accept it as well since he (believe it or not) thinks it's partially his fault

- In some way he's going to think it's because he failed somehow. He knows subconsciously he couldn't have done anything to "fix" it even though theres nothing wrong with you but he's half convinced its because he's not attractive. Keep in mind, he's had pretty much no experience with this, so bear with him. He straight up doesn't know what the fuck to do.

- Some reassurance goes a long way in these sorts of situations, however. You're probably going to have to let him know that it’s really, honestly nothing he did and that you're always been like this. You don't love him anybody less than you would if you WERE sexually engaged, and in turn he loves you just the same as well

- It takes some getting used to, but honestly he's overjoyed that you two didn't break it off just because of that. It turns out not really affecting your life together that much since he can just "take care of it" by himself and get it over with, but his attitude towards you doesn't change much...or at least it doesn't change much after a while of being together (dude finds himself getting them “urges” but he DOESN’T want to make you feel pressured to take care of his problems so he doesnt say shit about it)

- Initially he's sort of afraid that certain touches will make you uncomfortable. Like sitting in his lap? He views that as inherently sexual and so if you DO do that he's automatically going to think 'but i thought you said???' And just furrow his brows for a little bit. BUT after eventually seeing that it DOESN'T have to be sexual he sorta finds himself enjoying it

- Like YES please sit in his lap and read to him, he's so soft for all that sweet shit that it's sickening. It takes a while to get used to, but he eventually figures out that it's really not worth breaking up over. you're still you and you're still his Ride Or Die Partner In CrimeTM so it's fine with him. You still mean the world to him anyway, and he will constantly remind you of it regardless of what others may think

- But even if you believe his approval is all you want, god forbid anyone say something negative about you

- This man defends his pride and joy like it isn't anyone else's business (cause its not really), and someone WILL get their brains blown out of the other side of their head if they say a damn thing that sounds less than friendly. "Is it broke?" Or "Must have a screw loose in the head." Or anything along those lines will not fly. Unless you deliberately tell him not too he will definitely- ehem -“get rid of the problem”. But he might do it anyway even if you tell him not to because he's just like that - -;

- Overall, he's a bit confused and conflicted at first, but eventually learns to accept it how it is. He's definitely going to have some questions, and will probably always be getting used to it due to how rare it is, but he still loves you regardless of this. Boyfriend rating : 9/10 needs some improvement the first few weeks but overall one of the best after the improvement period

---

Who Should I do Next? Let me know in my inbox/submissions, or in the comments below! Thanks for reading!

(Source i mentioned https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C9BKJA_enUS829US829&hl=en-US&ei=0LvAXsfTA4yQtAbz95yQBg&q=how+was+education+in+1910%27s+england&oq=how+was+education+in+1910%27s+england&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBQgAEM0COgQIABBHUKNdWLheYNtfaABwAXgAgAF6iAHSAZIBAzEuMZgBAKABAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp )

N U M B E R 1 / KYLO REN : https://og-danny-dorito.tumblr.com/post/617480410048380928/1-kylo-ren-with-an-aceso

N U M B E R 3 : COMING SOON

#Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine #Peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders headcanons #peaky blinders imagines #Alfie Solomons #alfie solomons imagine #alfie solomons imagines #Alfie solomons headcanon #alfie solomons headcanons #bbc #bbc peaky blinders

35 notes · View notes

fromkenari · 4 years

Note

I'm not even a fan of the show y'all are discoursing but holy FUCK the biphobia is disgusting (I saw the thread because I follow one of the biphobes and am wondering if I should unfollow atm).

I mean, don’t you just love the person commenting to add that queer couples should be same-sex? It’s not, like, the very reason people don’t come out as bi or pan, or god forbid, ace-spec. Not to mention all the yelling about SIX heterosexual “relationships” when half of them weren’t “relationships” to begin with and if they are, we’ve had plenty of queer rep, then, which we haven’t. We’re literally Oliver Twist begging for more in this fandom over here. It’s nuts. REGARDLESS, bisexuals in m/f relationships are still bisexuals and queer.

#roswell new mexico #discourse #out of curls #anonymous

10 notes · View notes

ladyrussellsprouts · 4 years

Text

Prologue To A Rivalry I

A Faulty Lock

Our hero and heroine learn the importance of locking doors when sharing living spaces in the ranch house at First & Co.

Kylo Ren had very few things to be thankful about in his life. However, the silence that greeted him in that moment easily topped the list. His day had been filled with the sounds of urgent demands, annoying questions and broken machinery. He didn’t need to come home to more false pleasantries in the bunkhouse at First & Co.

Thankfully, most of the inhabitants avoided him but there were a few people who were still trying to engage in friendly banter. Kylo wasn’t here to make friends. He lived here because it was a condition under his contract with Order & Co. He was aware that it had been a ploy to keep eyes on him but it had been too amusing to watch Armitage Hux squirm at offering free housing.

Generosity was a word unfamiliar to Hux and his wife Phasma. The couple governed the farmlands at Order & Co. and the bunkhouses on the First & Co. properties with an iron fist. Those who could not abide by their rules were immediately thrown out and had to walk to town for accommodations.

His boss could be a right bastard at times. Today had been one of those days where covering his ass had been more important than the safety of his workers. Kylo did not stand for that sort of bullshit and had said as much to the man’s face. In retaliation, Hux had insisted that Kylo’s passion for the safety of the workers should translate into personally investigating the tractor explosions within the warehouse.

The ginger’s little mocking voice still circled Kylo’s mind as he slid off his muddy boots. Glancing at his wristwatch, he exhaled tiredly when the time glared 1:33 AM in neon green. The climb up the stairs and toward his assigned room was slow and treacherous. Awake since the crack of dawn, he wasn’t sure how he was still able to function.

Flicking on the lights in his room, he assessed the space to make sure DJ, the live-in hacker, hadn't made off with his belongings. He stared longingly at the neatly made bed in the corner contemplating the necessity of a shower this late at night. The grime under his nails and the stench from his overalls mocked him silently. Sweat and dirt soaked through his plaid button up and stuck to him like a second skin.

Huffing, Kylo rummaged around his closet for a clean towel. His parents hadn’t been around to teach him much but they had on more than one occasion mentioned the importance of cleanliness.

---

Rey rolled across her bed again, splaying her legs trying to cool down. For most of the night, she had flipped her pillow over hoping that one side would be cooler than the other. It didn’t last long but she was running out of options.

Given the temporary lack of screen, her window was opened as wide as she dared. She wasn’t about to wake up with insect companions in her room or God forbid, an animal companion. The window situation didn’t seem to matter though. The air was still and muggy outside. It was wishful thinking for a cool midnight breeze.

Rey cursed the stinginess of her landlady. Phasma only complied with requests outside of the housing contract when it suited her. The unanticipated heat wave in their county did not suit her so the AC would remain off until the designated Summer months. The importance of replacing Rey’s broken window screen had also fallen to the wayside as new people had moved into the bunkhouse. First, the awkward radar technician had moved in at the beginning of the month and now it was the stoic farm hand that Phasma’s husband had recently hired. The latter had caused the most gossip within the bunkhouse.

Kyle Ron had not made an effort to meet the other people living in the bunkhouse and people had noticed. Everyone found him to be strange and standoffish, often answering questions with sarcasm or unnecessarily rude replies. She avoided him as best she could after hearing the horrifying stories from DJ and Randy but she found his use of two names very strange. Not simply Kyle or Ron but Kyle Ron. What had his parents been thinking? That name did not match the man at all.

Rey shimmied out of her shorts and tossed it toward her laundry basket hoping the partial nudity would make some kind of difference. Groggy, she begged for the sweet relief of sleep. She had been awake since the crack of dawn finishing the decorations for the final batch of cupcakes at the bakery. Her neck, back and feet still throbbed at the memory of swirling buttercream frosting across cupcakes in the same position for hours. Her muscles begged for rest and recuperation but her mind would not cooperate. It was so hot!

At the end of her rope, Rey stumbled out of bed and grabbed the towel hanging on her closet door. She had run out of ideas but she was sure that a cool shower would be her only option to cool down tonight.

---

There was something infinitely soothing about standing under a spray of warm water. His eyes were fixated on the shower drain. The water had pooled in a disgusting brown but had cleared slowly the longer he stood under the shower spray. He felt remade, renewed. He felt like a new man.

Kylo was probably losing his mind from the exhaustion. Who knew that a tired Kylo Ren could be so spiritual? On a sigh, he grasped the shampoo bottle almost dropping the stupid thing. Soaping the thick strands of his hair, he almost groaned as he massaged a particularly pleasurable spot on his scalp. He was passing a bar of soap from one shoulder to another when he heard a distinctly female gasp behind him. Reflexively, he turned.

In his state, Kylo Ren was not sure how to interpret what was in front of him.

Through the clear glass of the shower, he saw a woman in nothing more than a short top and undies standing at the bathroom door. A pale yellow towel lay at her feet as if it had fallen from her slack hands. Rumpled light brown locks swirled around her shoulders while hazel eyes widened in surprise.

He was surprised to see her eyes dip slowly down his body but he found himself doing the same thing. Her top was a thin silky affair that did nothing to hide the outline of protruding nipples. One strap hung loosely from a smooth shoulder adding to her rumpled appearance. White cotton undies encased curved hips that led toward long, toned legs and dainty feet. Half of a working brain cell wondered what those legs would feel like wrapped around his waist.

In the next moment, the hot water shut off, dosing him in ice water as if to punish him for the uncleanliness of his thoughts. The shout that came out of his mouth was inhuman as he tried to move out of the shower spray.

---

Rey snapped out of the spell as the man before her made the most jarring sound while jerking oddly to the side of the glass cage. Self-preservation had her twisting her body around and power walking toward the safety of her room.

Randy stepped out into the hallway.

Rubbing sleep out of his eyes, he asked, “Is everything okay?”

“I saw nothing!” Rey replied a bit too forcefully.

His eyes widened a fraction before confusion settled in. He turned toward her looking as if he would ask more questions but Rey powered past him.

Slamming her door shut, Rey immediately locked the door and leaned against the wooden frame. She held her breath as male voices murmured in the hallway before doors were shut quietly. The sounds of the shower continued. Scanning her room as if it had answers, she stewed in the silence trying to process what had just happened.

Closing her eyes, she rubbed her hands over her face in embarrassment. The darkness enhanced the images of a broad muscled body twisting as rivets of water trailed down thick thighs.

Rey groaned into her palms before stepping toward her bed. This is what she got for being distracted and sleepy. She had not asked herself why the lights were already on beneath the bathroom door or why the shower was running inside. She had just opened the door.

In truth, she had stared uncomprehendingly at shifting shoulder blades and tight gluteal muscles a little longer than necessary before she realized what was happening. The sharp gasp had been involuntary. As Kyle Ron had turned around, she had gotten an eye full on bulging biceps, a broad chest and a shredded six pack. Oh, she was a terrible person because she had looked. She had looked!

Traitorous eyes had followed the drops of water leading between two sculpted thighs and stared. Rey made a noise, flopping onto the bed with a new wave of notification. Sleep forgotten, she buried her face in a pillow not knowing what to do with herself.

The sudden silence of water pipes shook her out of her mental scuffle. The shower was no longer running. A lead weight dropped into her stomach as the sound of what could only be the bathroom door opened. Anxiety over the coming confrontation thrummed in her veins as footsteps drew closer and closer.

The footsteps stopped in front of her door.

Rey wasn’t sure she was breathing as the silence dragged in the darkness. The crickets were silent as they also waited for what would happen next.

Then, the footsteps retreated, heading toward the other side of the hallway. She breathed a sigh of relief but something drew her toward the locked door. Unlocking it slowly, she eased the door open and peaked outside into the hall. It was empty. All the adrenaline left her body in a rush.

She was about to shut the door again when she noticed something on the ground. The towel she had forgotten in the bathroom lay in a neat fold on the ground.

---

Part 2

This story can also be found on AO3 or FanFiction.net

#reylo fanfiction #ladyrussellsprouts #lady russell sprouts

2 notes · View notes