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#funny title...
arcanespillo · 10 months
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“Alpha and Omega”
Supernatural S11E23
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dragonboyteeth · 5 months
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I love being fully unaware of YouTuber drama and which channels are "popular." My first reaction at the start of that section was "who the hell is James Somerton"
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ao3-crack · 5 months
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this is the greatest april fools to ever april fools
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bluerosefox · 9 months
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No Longer In Service
Okay
Okay
hear me out
Ghost King Danny Summoning!
The heroes fail to stop it, everyone is panicking, they feel like they’ve truly failed to stop it. etc etc
EVERYONE is ready to fight for their final life.
They’re as ready as they can be to go against something so evil JLD are scared of it.
SO when the dome that was sealing them away from the summoner finally shatters they are expecting some huge eldritch being, something made of pure nightmares... Only...
Only to find an old tape recorder in the middle of the summoning circle...
Everything is dead silent. No one moves...
Then it clicks on and makes a loud noise.
The noise?
It was the no longer in service beep.
“We’re, not, sorry.” a teenage voice began after the beep ended, startling everyone as they weren’t expecting this at all “But the Ghost King you are trying to reach is no longer in service or rather King anymore. Thus any big evil world ending plans you have made will not be approved during my reign. Please, get a life and try to actually live it because I will not be ending anyone's or mass genocide anything... Also to the really insane Fruitloop that tried summoning a being with the warning of "will cause the end of your world". I am the Ghost King now, eventually everything and everyone will enter my domain regardless of who, when, how, or why. That is something I can wait for, I got no reason to speed it up.... So have a pleasant day and enjoy being arrested or ended for doing this dumb summoning if you decided to do this in front of like everyone in your world or something... Goodbye!”
The world went silent after that.
That...
None of them were expecting that at all.
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fuckyeahgoodomens · 3 months
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potatobugz · 5 months
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dugon my friend my buddy my pal
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latenightsundayblues · 6 months
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Just remembered that one picture of Leigh standing next to Cary lmfao
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Adam wants to get down for the sake of his dignity, and totally not because being hoisted up kinda freaks him out a little
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sutorus · 6 months
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OFF TO THE RACES
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DESCRIPTION: toji takes you to bet on one of his races.
PAIRING: toji x reader
WC: 1.9k
WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI. f! reader, afab terms, age gap, implied free use, heavy implied dubcon, in public, fingering (f! receiving), come eating (f!), crying, pet names (babydoll, honey, s!ut), heavy objectification 
A/N: yes i grew up on ldr i love my (((strictly fictional))) old men sue me!
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“you better start praying number four catches up soon, babydoll,” he whispers into your ear, snaking a hand around your waist. 
a chill runs down your spine and your body rattles violently in response. 
he had told you to dress up today. 
how naive you were, thinking he’d just said that because it was a nice date, because the type of people that enjoy horse races don’t usually wear flip flops or show their midriffs. 
if only you had known.
you’re trying to hide it, but you’re nervous.
you can’t help it, constantly sneaking sideway glances at the two imposing men who have been staring at you this entire time. 
it would be an unbelievable situation, if it wasn’t toji. not for the first time, you wonder why you ever got involved with him. 
the lip scar should’ve been enough of a warning. the intentionally vague answer he gave about his job should’ve been enough, the decades — plural — that separated you two should’ve been enough. 
but he was a smooth talker. and he was good looking. and he made you feel safe, mostly because, well… who could be more dangerous than him? 
that feeling has never been more prevalent to you than it is right now. 
toji’s gaze follows yours, his fingertips sneaking under your skirt just barely. 
“don’t look so spooked,” he instructs, and you swallow around the lump in your throat. toji laughs low, letting his head loll sideways on top of yours. “you scared of dick or somethin’?”
you hate this. you hate this so much. you hate the way your body’s responding to it the most. 
the heat in your gut spreads all the way up to your cheeks, and you stop yourself from soothing your burning face with the back of your hands. 
he’d told you not to draw too much attention. not to make any sudden movements. you thought it was because — you thought, you thought, you thought. but you were wrong. 
you can’t decide if you can even blame yourself for that. 
you knew toji was running out of money. you knew he was involved with some shady people. 
but when in your wildest dreams could you have imagined he was planning on using you as a betting chip?
the disapproving click of his tongue pulls you from your thoughts, and your eyes lock dreadfully on horse number four. 
it’s falling behind, number six stealing third place from it. 
the heat inside you spreads further. 
“if it’s any consolation,” toji says, conversationally. “i don’t think they’ll be too mean to ya.”
it reminds you of a nature documentary you watched, once. the gazelle, trying to act nonchalant, looking for an escape route, when faced with a pride of lions. a dangerous dance. and everybody knows who’s got the upper hand, there. 
“not meaner than i am, at least,” he adds. 
your shut your eyes tightly. 
you haven’t even dared to look at them properly, at toji’s sponsors or loan sharks or whatever the hell they are. 
you want to scream at him, at how embarrassing it is that they’re younger than him and richer than him, having fun at both of your expenses. 
you realize suddenly that they’re not even here to watch the race. this place probably doesn't entertain them anymore, more of a chore than anything else.
they’re here to watch you, sweating and fidgeting on your seat with the knowledge that your body was theirs if the damn horse didn’t win. 
a one in eight change. 
god, you hoped it was toji’s lucky day. 
you catch a glimpse of a wild, tall figure to the left of you, swaying in gleeful laughter as the horse falls to fifth place.  
“let’s go home,” you grip the hand that’s resting on your leg in a last ditch effort. 
it’s useless, of course.
toji’s jaw is tensed, every muscle tight in anger. 
he doesn’t want this, either. he doesn’t like sharing you. 
but then again, he doesn’t really care about you, does he? cares more about his money, at least. 
your breathing starts to pick up, legs shaking in anticipation. in a way, you just want this to be over. 
you’re so caught up in your dread that you don’t even notice toji’s fingers crawling up your thigh until his knuckles are grazing your clothed pussy. 
your body immediately seizes up, your straightened spine glued to the back of your chair.
he gives a low, mean chuckle when he feels how wet you are. 
toji rubs you there almost soothingly, and tears threaten to spill from your eyes. 
your fists are clenched tightly on your lap, legs squeezing together in an attempt to — what? you don’t know. 
stop him? encourage him? it doesn’t feel like it matters anymore. 
toji shifts in his seat to face you, slipping the pads of his fingers into your panties. you huff, only able to watch the movement of his hand underneath your skirt. 
he rubs lazy circles on your clit, eyes on your face and showing no emotion at all.
no remorse at all. 
it feels good. it feels good and you hate that it does, that it feels good with him, that he can get you like this anytime, anywhere. 
you bite down on your bottom lip when two fingers slide down, just teasing your entrance, gliding over your pussy. 
your chest burns from the inside out with uneven breaths, and defeatedly, willingly, you spread your legs just a little bit. 
you’re not watching the race anymore and you think that’s for the better. you focus only on toji’s veiny forearms as the muscles there work over and over with every stroke of his fingers. 
someone clears their throat loudly and your legs kick out in shock. 
an initial wave of panic washes over you but then you’re glad.
surely getting caught fingering your girlfriend at a horse race would get you kicked out, right? and then the deal is over, right? and then you won’t have to—
before you can even vocalize your thoughts, toji’s rolling his eyes and, with a sigh, settling back on his seat to face the race. 
but his fingers don’t leave you. 
no, he continues pumping them lazily in and out of you, thumb pressing down on your clit and rubbing little circles. 
and that’s when you realize the sound had come from the left of you. from the men. not a horrified gasp, a dignified warning, no.
if anything, an entitled demand that toji stops blocking their view of you. 
you wish you could cry right now.
instead, you tuck your chin into your chest as toji speeds up his movements, going a little faster, a little meaner. you swallow your wails, thighs shaking.
those men, they don’t look like they kill. they probably get other people to do that for them. you haven’t gathered a lot from your stolen glances but that much you’re sure of. 
you know you’ll return home to toji. despite everything, you’ll run back to his arms, for better or for worse. 
“you likin’ this?” he’s asking, like he doesn’t know the answer. “y’like that i bet your slutty little cunt on that rank, good for nothing horse?”
you let out a sob, chest lurching. he pumps his fingers in and out of you at just the right pace, hitting just the right patches despite how hard you’re squeezing around him. 
“please…” you mewl, not sure what you’re asking for. 
his thumb is relentless on your clit, rubbing it over and over again. your hips buck on their own, wanting more, more friction, more filling, more. 
“you’ll get more soon, whore,” toji spits out like he can read your mind. there’s no point in hiding how much you’re enjoying this, being in public, being eyed hungrily like a prize, when toji knows your body so well. 
it feels almost like he’s prepping you, physically and mentally, for what’s to come, and it makes you weep harder. 
when a wave of astonished cheers break out in unison, it sounds miles away to you. all you can is the blood rushing inside your ears, toji’s huffed out breaths, the crinkle of bills being passed around from one hand to another. 
you’re slow to notice the commotion is due to horse number four miraculously catching up, coming in at number two now.
dangerously close to first place. 
it’s a rush, all at once, when toji turns your head to kiss you. 
you come undone on his fingers, right then and there, whining crazed moans into his mouth. he groans when your cunt clenches, fluttering around his fingers as the last waves of your orgasm hit you. 
if you focus hard enough, you can hear the shlick of his fingers lazily helping you ride out your high. you can’t help it but to let your head fall on his chest.
when toji pulls his fingers out of you, there are webs of slick in between them. you feel almost embarrassed, even more so when he brings them up to your mouth quickly, pushing in between your lips with ease. 
you suck efficiently to clean him up and toji hums in approval, petting your hair. 
there’s an instant where you two look in each other’s eyes and that’s all there is, your fucked out brain forgetting everything except for his touch. 
“ahh,” then a merry voice breaks you out of your trance, its owner casting a shadow over both your bodies as he stands in front of you. “i hate to ruin the moment, really, but…”
the man points his thumb over his shoulder.
the race is over.
horse number four came in at fourth place. 
how fitting. 
his partner approaches and there’s no denying it, they’re extremely attractive. individually, yes, but maybe even more so together, side by side, looking like opposites who came together due to being... likeminded.
but still. are they really going to—
“collect,” the other one says, sternly, with his hands up like he’s a good guy. “satoru. we’re just here to collect. no need to rub salt in the wound.” 
toji chuckles, but you catch the way his shoulders tense. 
“hey, a deal’s a deal. but no wounds here,” he looks at you briefly before squinting up at them. “doubt you two kids can do half the damage.”
that i can is left unsaid. you fight hard to keep the horrified look off your face. 
toji was already pimping you out to these random men, essentially. did he have to provoke them, too?
you resent the fact that the dread in the pit of your stomach isn’t big enough to push away the arousal growing next to it. 
there’s another reason why you and toji fit so well together, after all. 
the taller one — satoru — laughs, and this one’s genuine.
he reaches out tentatively, as if he were petting a stray cat, and twirls a piece of your hair around his finger. 
toji looks at him in understanding, in agreement. 
when he doesn’t react any further, satoru’s finger trails down to your lips, still glistening wet. he traces them, jutting his own out in a pout. 
“she better be worth every penny you cost us, zen’in.”
toji smirks.
you notice the other man, the one with black hair and a bun, is hard in his tailored slacks. 
you swallow down the last of your sobs.
“oh, she is," toji's hand gives your thigh a departing tap. "i might have shit taste in horses but i know how to pick my sluts."
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 2 months
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Transcript -
Gabriel : *heavy breathing and grunting* Bastard. 
Useless bucket of bolts. Yeah, you better run!
Load back to your- Ah shit, that was hard. Load back to your little checkpoint.
Yeah, go ahead. Go P rank the other levels. 
Oh… I’m sorry. Can-can-can I? Excuse me, can I help you?
Columbo : Oh, uh, hi there. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.
Uh, I’m looking for somebody. 
Uh, Gabriel is it? Is that you? Is that who I’m lookin for?
Listen, I just gotta say, you did an amazing job uh… Fighting off that uh. 
What’d ya-what’d ya call it?
Uh, you called it a… 
Gabriel : A mere object?
Columbo : That’s right. A mere object. 
Phenomenal work. 
I gotta tell ya. Robots, I don’t trust em myself. 
Ya know, I had-I had this one episode where uh, there was this robot named Rob and uh-
Gabriel : Uh, yes. 
That’s very fascinating, but could you perhaps get on with your introduction? 
Columbo : Uh, certainly. So I’m, uh, I’m lieutenant Columbo. Uh, I’m with the LAPD. Uh, I'm in the homicide department. 
Gabriel : Homicide? You can’t kill a machine. 
Columbo : No no no! Of course not. But um… Well… Ya can certainly love one.
Gabriel : D-d-d-detective I- I don’t- I don’t know what you’re implying there with that statement!
As you can tell I… Despise machines and wouldn’t think about doing so- Loving them, I mean.
Columbo : Yes, of course uh. Absolutely, it’s completely unthinkable. 
Except, well. While I was- while I was over here and I opened this door and uh fourteen- fourteen V1 body pillows fell out. Along with a buncha the plushies. 
Uh, and I just can’t imagine how ya- how ya happened upon something like that by accident.
It’s a little ridiculous! Uh, frankly.
Gabriel : Uh, no no no, listen.  
Detective. I can explain, okay? 
Those belong to- uh! That guy over there! 
*Filth-like scream*
Gabriel : Yeah! A real freak! 
Some kinda pervert. I don’t know why we keep him around.
But uh, I-I have nothing to do with it. 
Columbo : Well, ya see, I would believe- I would believe that, but uh. 
It’s just that- Well we had the boys at the lab run these pillows and we found your cum- We found your DNA all over em, uh.
You’re-You’re under arrest, I’m killing you.
Gabriel : K-hah. Kill me? *laughs*
Oh detective. 
Columbo : Oh. Aw fuck.
Gabriel : I’m afraid you’ve made a grave mistake. 
Because, in fact… What is going to happen instead…
Is actually what I’m gonna- AHHHG MOTHERFUCKER
I’LL FUCKIN KILL YOU
SON OF A BITCH 
AHHG YOU BASTARD
I’LL RIP YOU APART 
PIECE OF SHIT
YOU FUCK
ASSHOLE
BITCH
*Grunting* 
Oh Shit. 
Oh. What have I done? 
V1 : Bro, tell me you didn’t just kill a fucking cop.
Gabriel : The law will be here any second now… 
Machine, flush the drugs.
V1 : No way, bro. Let’s smoke that.
Gabriel : All of it?!?
Hm… One last ride…
Well, alright.
*coughing his lungs out*
V1 : No Gabriel, holding it in doesn’t do anything!
*Gabriel continues to cough his lungs out*
End of transcription
Audio source part 1
Audio source part 2
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polaris-modding · 1 year
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i learned how to make these and i didn't know what to put sooooooo
memes
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betterbooktitles · 3 months
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"I’m certain I’m not the only millennial who feels we as a nation have taken a dizzying turn when it comes to drugs. I remember a uniformed police officer showing up once a week in 5th Grade (a year before Sex Ed) to explain how to avoid buying and taking drugs. Luckily, I already knew the dangers of the drug trade because I had seen The Usual Suspects. I knew cocaine was a bad thing to buy, sell, or steal, especially from a drug kingpin. The D.A.R.E. program, however, let me know how important it was to say no to anything fun, including alcohol. At least until I understood a little algebra first. We did role-playing exercises where we walked one by one toward the portly police officer and he casually asked if we wanted to hit a mimed joint with him. All we had to do was say “no” and walk to the other side of the room, defying the only rule I knew about improv. We wrote essays about how important it was to preserve our pristine bodies and minds, obviously unsullied since we had yet to take the class teaching us how puberty was going to defile them both. I’m still mad that my friend Nicole’s essay beat mine in a contest, and she got to read hers in front of the whole school all because she had the benefit of an older brother who took too much acid and sat in her room all night talking about why the existence of light proved God was real. My essay about a time I saw my friend’s dad drink a beer and then drive his truck somewhere was also good! We signed pledges to enter the new millennium drug-free. We took the red pencils that said “Friends Don’t Let Friends Do Drugs” and sharpened all of them down to say “Let Friends Do Drugs,” “Friends Do Drugs,” “Do Drugs,” and simply “Drugs.” Despite that little rebellious act, my friends and I spent a solid six months swearing we’d never put any harmful substance into our bodies besides every form of candy available.
Imagine how I feel now as a D.A.R.E. graduate becoming my dad’s drug dealer. It’s less thrilling than I thought it would be. Between my father’s warning not to hang around one specific neighborhood in Cleveland as a kid and nearly every TV show about drugs, I thought I’d always be buying marijuana from an intimidating dude who definitely had a gun and would use it immediately if he thought I was wearing a wire. Instead, I now buy marijuana from a well-lit storefront that looks like the Apple Store. I’ve even gone to a place where a guy with an iPad explained what each available strain would do to me. I buy what sounds good with all the confidence of a man pointing at items on a menu written in a language he can’t read. I put it all in a cardboard box. I place a book on top. I mail the box to my dad from my local post office. I tell myself the book is to hide the contraband crossing state lines, but in truth, the book is what clears my conscience. I want to send my dad something edifying while also sending him the drug that all of America worried would make me unable to read if I tried it once. The unrequested book is a red herring to distract from the vice, like when you were young and didn’t want to buy condoms outright at the store so you cushioned them between a pack of peanut M&Ms and a magazine. Hmm, what else did I need, — right, while I’m here — might as well pick up a few condoms.
Right as marijuana becomes legal in most states, I’m about done with the drug. I’ve had three good times on edibles, and one of them was when I felt nothing and fell asleep at 9:30 PM. I’m flabbergasted that my dad likes edibles. He seems to be a man free of anxiety. Case in point, I once brought him some THC lozenges to our summer holiday in Chautauqua, and around dinner time I told him “You might want to only take half of what I gave you” to which he replied, “I took it hours ago.” He was stoned and no one noticed.
While I’m stuck in my head, stoned or sober, wondering why I didn’t take some acting gig 15 years ago, wondering if I’ll ever make enough money, worrying I’m doing everything wrong including in this moment as I write this sentence, my dad is enjoying himself.
Judith Grisel, the author of Never Enough: The Neuroscience And Experience of Addiction, describes using marijuana as throwing “a bucket of red paint” on your brain. She was approaching the stimulant clinically in terms of how it differed from the laser focus of other drugs (THC reacts with many receptors in the brain, cocaine focuses on one), but now every time I smoke, I think of the red paint metaphor. While other people seem able to crank an entire joint and do insanely complicated stuff like function at their jobs, I am reduced to a gelatinous blob, on top of which my eyes and brain are navigating a dream state that, like many dreams, isn’t all that interesting the next day. Mostly, I get high and can’t decide what I want to watch on TV or what video game I want to play, I realize how hungry I am, and then I fall asleep with cereal still stuck to my teeth. Pot, for me, is like the squid ink hitting the screen in Mario Kart: I can still see where I’m going, but everything gets a little harder to do, and the panicked half-blindness makes everything slightly more chaotically fun."
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Other articles include:
An essay on Claire Dederer's book Monsters and movies made by monsters.
Writing inside a Toyota Service Center.
Writing mistresses.
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ao3-crack · 5 months
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didnt add betterhelp because i think we all agree thats like. objectively the worst one
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ao3screenshotss · 2 days
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