#fuck the tories fuck anyone who has ever had any single thing to do with screwing over the nhs
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what stage of the collapse of the nhs is it when your nhs gp tells you the best course of action is to pay for a private gastroentorology appointment to get the instruction they need to refer you for nhs testing, because they know there isn't a snowballs chance in hell of getting an nhs gastro referral accepted 🙃
related: i have an print shop and a ko-fi if anyone wants to buy some art or has some spare change ❤
#i'm just so tired#so so tired#like i'm incredibly privileged that the private gastro is even remotely an option but this is still utterly shit#fuck the tories fuck anyone who has ever had any single thing to do with screwing over the nhs#and fuck the first gastro i saw last year who didn't listen to me and immediately discharged me without any testing whatsoever#health stuff#nhs#uk
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sorry same anon again just returning to briefly add that i think season 1 of cobra kai made me so insane and now i'm trapped in this loop because i see that i could be so good like it could be SO good and then i think okay well there's always samtory future cobrakai arc where sam has dropped out of college and worked dead ends jobs for years and has largely pushed her parents away out of self loathing and like tory meanwhile has found like incredible success and similarly in a situation where tory has to help sam but it compels me SO much in how it would be different than daniel and johnny where tory WOULD be SINCERE in trying to make amends etc and sam would be the more instigator/"daniel" role despite occupying the "johnny" position if that makes sense. anyway that is to say i think top two characters who narratively should have sex that aren't daniel and johnny in my opinion. also that the second most INSANE making thing the show has done that was SO good was tory winning because silver paid off the refs INSANE COMPELLING DEFINING moment of all time for samtory season 5 really dropped the ball on the execution of but INSANE set up INSANE choice for their dynamic SO rich. anyway. sorry my only friend i've managed to get into cobra kai is too busy writing deranged piano teacher aus to/with me so i have no outlet for samtory future cobra kai gay sex moment. hey does anyone else think women should be divorced bums in their forties who fuck raw. anyone else. anyo --
(hope it's okay i replied to your anon like this, i wanted to put all your thoughts on the same ask because i know tumblr just hates us and doesn't let us talk the way we want to in asks)
okay wait okay there is SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE just so much and i feel like it's christmas already
first thing first don't ever feel the need to apologize for sending me anons like this quite literally the best thing i've ever received in many years of being on this hellsite i feel a little bit like chewing glass with how excited i am.
i totally get what you mean about season 1 because it truly feels like they trap you inside this complicated story of violence, vengeance and expectations and then they just never truly pick it up again and you are left with the bits and pieces of this show that not only has so much wasted potential but that has now infected you and you get visions like the fucking youtube red premium cursed cassandra of what it could have been if they'd just committed to what they were selling.
but the. yes. yes, we could have future samtory, it's the thing holding our heads above the water because GOD anon, i feel like you've managed to read my unfinished stories and my drafts on here because i wrote at least ten posts about how i think sam has the same journey as johnny (rich kid who ruins herself through self-hatred and repression and just this insatiable need of not being her father, of not being larusso 2.0 even though she is very much daniel to the shape of her smile and the marrow of her bones), sam who runs away, sam who has to do so to try and find herself except she can't because she has gotten absolutely no tools to do so, she's shaped herself into this perfect glass ornament for her father to put on display because she LOVES him and he loves her too but nothing she has is her own and she cannot find a single thing in herself that doesn't feel like a lie or a performance once again.
and tory is not like this. tory is very much whole and unwaveringly herself even when it gets her in trouble. tory doesn't have to answer for any expectations, tory just has to survive and rise to the occasion in a way sam never had to. tory has this weight on her shoulders that she cannot shake off but in many ways, through love mostly, she picked that weight up and placed it there herself even if it wasn't fair and even if she didn't have much choice, but she makes conscious decisions that pretty much always put herself at risk but she does what she feels is right and good for herself and for the people she loves in the moment, meanwhile sam is carrying around this burden that was attached to her back long before she first even opened her eyes.
there is something to say about the tragedy of daniel, absolutetly unable to have friends, unable to form meaningful relationships with people he doesn't have a past with (louie is his cousin, anoush is his employee, johnny, chozen and mike are part of his past) and when he does, it's robby he chooses because he doesn't look for an equal or a friend, he looks for a way to reproduce his relationship with mr miyagi but in the opposite because that's when he felt at his safest, that's his ONLY relationship that has brought him nothing but love and understanding and when you add all that (which, like you, i do. i do see all of the show's forgetful little things as proof of daniel's forced repression after tkk3 i literally wrote a whole section about his loneliness in one of my fics but ANYWAY) when you do add all that and translate it to sam who has no friends. it's not even that she doesn't have girl friends, she doesn't and its crazy and it says SO much about her, but she doesn't have any friends who aren't something else at first. miguel is her ex, so is robby, demetri was her sort of student for a while and then a sort of colleague to which she applies a relationship that is more reminiscent of boss/employee than actual friends and she!!! doesn't!!! have friends!!! they took away aisha but even before that sam had almost purposefully fucked up her relationship with aisha to enter a circle of popular kids who were NOT her friends and were not close to her and did not care about her. sam keeps herself locked away from a lot of her peers and that is so very clearly in my head an imitation of what her father does that it becomes unconsciously her own behavior.
and worse than all that, she's fucked up! like genuinely fucked up! she keeps ruining her relationships and she doesn't know what she wants and she is angry and scared and mean when she wants to be and yet, there is such a true real kindness to her, a goodness that comes from her very core that she cannot keep from affecting all her decisions.
sam would grow up estranged from her family, unable to express these monstrous feelings she's kept locked away for song long and she would find tory again and feel this same pull. this same moment of oh, maybe you do get me, maybe you do understand what and who i am and that is totally unbearable because being known is being in danger and i don't know myself how dare you know me more than i do. and tory would be genuine in wanting to help sam, because tory, a kid who did so much to survive and who has now found success and comfort would want to help someone she feels like she might have impacted in her life, someone who deserves the same chance she got (and maybe it's to alleviate some of her guilt too but it's still true and it's still done with this undercurrent of honesty that taints everything tory touches)
i also totally agree that making silver pay for tory's win was a wonderful plot decision that they totally fucked up later on but just, ugh the exquisite bittersweet victory, the defeat in sam's eyes because the win should have been hers, she's the best and she's played every single card in the game and tory knows this, knows that she's undeserving and she has NEVER been undeserving in her life and yet here she is, silver has made a liar out of her and has changed a fundamental part of who she is forever.
older samtory who are pathetic losers in the matters of love and keep pulling the same old tricks with each other that always ends up on the mat, licking old wounds before pouring salt directly onto them.
truly. truly ship of all time. samtory has the potential of a thousand suns.
(i ALSO am a big sam shaves her head believer god im UGH yes yes yes yes)
im sorry i ended up talking so much, but like you i feel a lot of emotions for these girls.
ALSO!!!!!!!! YOUR FRIEND'S DERANGED PIANO TEACHER AU????? I HAVE READ THIS FIC AT LEAST FIVE TIMES SINCE IT WAS POSTED LAST MONTH AND I EVEN COMMENTED ON IT THAT IT HAD MADE ME CRAZY LIKE GENUINELY BITING AT MY FINGERNAILS UNHINGED!!!!!!!!
if you ever feel comfortable being off anon, hit me up i think im in love with your brain and would love to discuss samtory with you
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I got into CK about two months ago and I enjoy it a lot but...the writers of this show can't write female characters. At all. Not even Amanda is a well written character (and how sad is it that her husband has way more chemistry with Johnny and Terry than with her lol??). It's so disappointing to see how poorly female characters are written in this show, when the male characters (except Johnny who has become trash) are given so much depth and nuance. I think Tory and Carmen get the worst of this, and Sam flip-flops back and forth.
Well, Sam's whole deal is that she's in a permanent state of identity crisis, not unlike Johnny. She's terrified of her aggression and not conforming to feminine standards of behaviour and obsessed with another girl - let that poor girl come out as some form of wlw at least. Bi, gay pan - she's just as repressed as Johnny and given that both her parents are so bi coded I can only see this as a form of rebellion. I doubt the writers meant to write it that way but the only blueprint for Sam they may have had was "Pretty rich girl into chick fights." and "Teenage female audience avatar." Since Mary Mouser is now obviously aging out of the 14-17 demographic, they have brought in Devon whose entire personality seems to exist of - does she have a personality, other than not being an asshole about pronouns?
But look. The whole premise of Cobra Kai is "The bullies were right all along" and "Mid 20th century male gender norms desperately need to make a comeback." And modern audiences agree they can't write women, but modern audiences of course don't know what they're talking about. Because, you see, the way Cobra Kai sees women is really, really simple. Women are there for two things:
Enticing a guy to have an orgasm; preferably inside her body
Dealing with the fallout of a man having had an orgasm in the female body.
That's it! Even women can understand that much. Because they all agree! We've asked some women whose salary we pay and one or two who consented to go out with us, what more do you need? And sure, there are some women who do not agree, but we all agree that there is something wrong with them. You know, like our sisters, who we don't want to fuck; which proves our point. And all Amanda's and Carmen's and Sam's and Tory's actions line up exactly with those primary objectives. So they're in fact perfect at writing women at Cobra Kai. Girls fighting girls? Hot. Women bitch slapping men? Yeah, hot. The only girl we actually see fight a boy is Aisha, but she's not mainstream hot and she's not white, which means there's something wrong with her. It checks out all the way through! It's genius. Genius!
And no, logically, a woman like Carmen would not date Johnny Lawrence. But women don't do logic, we all know that. Of course a single woman in her thirties with a medical degree and two dependents would fuck a man with absolutely no prospects who would have, logically, gotten Miguel permanently paralysed. (But disability is - yuck. And it only happens to people who deserve it, anyhow. Or something. I don't know. Gross!) Anyway, ignoring that, she's a MILF! Of course a MILF has babies. It's what women do! No way would she consider abortion, and no way would she consider any other birth control than faulty condoms she'd have to trust Johnny to buy, because otherwise people like Johnny Lawrence would never become shitty fathers and since many fathers are shitty fathers it must be the women's fault because again, all they do, and want, is a man's orgasm... you know, let's not talk about it. We all know how things are. And women never simply... not tell the men when they're late. That would rob the man of that feeling of pride they get when they hit the jackpot. They wouldn't just... take a pill or or make a quick appointment and also miscarriages never happen to anyone ever, right, or entopic pregnancies or, ew, man, this is Cobra Kai, not the Hallmark channel? The point is, these writers are right about everything always and that's how it's supposed to be. And if it isn't, well, that's why they write. Just watch them.
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Thess vs "Sick Note Culture"
Yeaaaaaaah, I'm going back to yelling about Tory bullshit. Well. More like being singularly, horrifically depressed about Tory bullshit.
So Rishi Sunak is desperate to have some "claim to fame", some political impact, something that'll turn him into something more than an ineffectual interim PM--
(Side note: while it's true he hasn't made any impactful decisions as PM, he did change the course of this nation as Chancellor, as his "Eat Out to Help Out" campaign at the end of the first lockdown all but caused the second big peak, killed a lot of people and - a fact that I will be coming back to later in this rant - landed an awful lot more with long Covid.)
Anyway, his "Stop The Boats" thing involving sending refugees to Rwanda keeps getting cut off at the knees by the House of Lords, who don't really want to break international law. Oddly, he's entirely blaming Labour for this, which may or may not have something to do with how hard Labour are beating the Tories in the polls right now. So I think he's probably about half-past given up on having even a single plane-load of refugees take off for Kigali before he has to call an election. So he needs something else.
So today? He started frothing at the mouth about "Sick Note Culture". He had a plan to "eradicate Sick Note Culture", he said. And that plan? Was to no longer allow doctors to write sick notes for people declaring them unfit to work.
Oh, sick notes (or, as we actually now call them in this country, 'fit notes', indicating that they state whether or not a patient is fit for work) will still be available. Sort of. But apparently one will have to call some kind of hotline and get someone who ... knows something about medicine? Somehow? He wasn't clear on the qualifications involved-- Anyway, that these non-doctor people would decide, based on criteria no one is sharing with us, who is and is not fit for work. Instead of, y'know, the general practitioner.
Also there is apparently going to be some overhauling of the benefits for the disabled. Apparently they want to get rid of the Personal Independence Payment entirely, in favour of ... arranging for resources for treating their condition. It's all geared to pushing the disabled into work at all costs - for instance, anyone who doesn't just take whatever job is offered within a certain span of time (I think six months?) will just have their benefits cut entirely. Basically, there will be no recourse at all for the disabled unless whatever contractor they outsource for this hotline whatever, who will never have seen the patient or any medical notes, and will be making the call about this patient's suitability for work based on some ChatGTP-spawned checklist more than likely designed to turn people down, somehow sees reason.
Sunak is framing it as "giving the disabled their dignity back", but in the same breath saying how "people can't possibly be having this many more physical and mental health issues than they were a few years ago; they are skivers and we're going to shove them back into work at any cost". Yeah, you remember when I talked about the sheer number of people ill with long Covid, a lot of which can be laid at the door of his stupid Eat Out to Help Out bullshit back when he was Chancellor? THAT'S how. For the physical, anyway.
For the mental? We're getting disaster news every single fucking day. The Tories are causing most of it. Utility companies are gouging us - electricity first, and now Thames Water, which is apparently going bankrupt, is trying to get Ofwat to let them raise water prices (the first time they asked for a 40% increase; now they're asking for 56%) even as they dump raw sewage into our waterways and haven't built new reservoirs since the 80s (which is why we have droughts every year). Food is more expensive than ever, and bad weather plus Brexit red tape is causing shortages that jack the prices up more. Not to mention us being told that climate change will be making those bad weather issues even harder on our food supply in the years to come, which is making us terrified. Landlords are taking the piss with our rents. We've had proof positive that the government doesn't care if we die; we've had statements from their own mouths to that effect. Now they want to strip away the social safety net entirely, and blame it all on us. No fucking wonder we've all got crippling depression and anxiety.
So, as with so many other things, Tories are causing all our problems, Tories are making our problems worse, and they seem to think that the answer to the problem is to blame us and proceed to punish us by making our problems worse still.
And of course, Labour is making noises about trying to deal with the various issues but won't say how. I don't know how far this plan of Sunak's is going to go before he has to call an election, but if it gets put into place before the next election ... well, even if Labour wins (and they almost certainly will), there's no guarantee that they'll scrap that policy once they get into Downing Street.
I've always been angry at the way this government treats people. I've never been this scared before. I can be in the closet about not being cis; I hate it, but I can do it. I cannot be "in the closet" about being disabled, exactly. I am very, very fortunate in that I have the support of my parentals. I own my privilege. I rage for others who don't have my advantages ... and I feel terror when I wonder what happens when that support goes away? I think my mother's organised her assets so that I'll be taken care of when she passes, but... I don't like thinking about it. I may have to think about it, but I don't like it - she's my mum and I love her.
(Tell you what, though - when she does pass, I am out of this country.)
So ... yeah. Twice over now, this country wants me dead. And for all the cruelty of it and the unfairness of it and all the rest? I think the thing that scares me most is how Sunak is laser-sighting the "undesirables". I sometimes wonder if their obsession with attacking antisemitism and their support of Israel to that end isn't in part being able to point at this support when someone accuses them of being Nazis.
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Strange Rumblings in Toronto
By Rivers The Poet
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure what I expected.
Since it's inception, Rolling Loud has been very hard for me to pin down, both conceptually and morally (stay with me, we'll get to this). On one hand, it's a celebration of rap music. An entire weekend dedicated to the most beautiful thing humanity has ever created: hip hop. On the other hand, it always appeared to me as more of a large-scale extension of the exploitation and voyeurism that plagues so much of the audience-artist relationship in modern rap music.
The reality is much more boring. For the most part, Rolling Loud Toronto was just poorly planned. I could sit here and list all the logistical problems that went down throughout the weekend, from faulty bridges to failing POS systems to near constant lineup changes, but I would be here all day. Besides, the biggest problem wasn't any of that. It was the rappers.
I'm virulently opposed to pretty much all of the popular critiques of rap music. I always make an effort to defend the music and culture that I love so much, and I would never want to add to any negative misconceptions that ignorant people might have about This Thing of Ours. That's why it pains me to write this next part. I hate to do it, but I have to tell the truth: so many of these guys can not rap.
It's such a weird critique to have to make in 2022. That people 'can't rap'. You'd think that by now, fifty years into the genre, anyone with a modicum of interest in being a rap artist would spend time and energy on being good at the actual craft of rapping. Not lyrics, but rapping. Breath control, voice control. You'd think that it would be impossible to obtain any level of success without having a grasp on those very basic tenets of emceeing. But this is not the case.
Instead, what you will see at an event such as Rolling Loud Toronto, are rappers with no breath control. Rappers who have clearly never rapped without punching in. Rappers who have no stage presence. And worst of all, rappers who don't give a shit about rapping.
I'm going to name names because this shit is unacceptable.
NLE Choppa: Telling people to open the pit and jumping around in one spot doesn't count as stage presence, and screaming until your voice is hoarse doesn't count as emceeing.
Destroy Lonely: I like your music but write a different song man. Literally just make a different type of song one time. Try it out. See what happens. And also learn to rap you backing-track-using cornball.
Tory Lanez: I hate to disrespect the king of Peel Region himself, but I witnessed this dude stand on stage for entire verses at times, not rapping a single word and just letting the track play. What the fuck are we here watching you for? Are you an emcee or a DJ my guy? Jeez Louise.
Smiley: This lovable guy actually had one of my favourite sets of the weekend, in spite of his complete lack of breath control. I give him a pass though. He's a big man and he's new. Give him some time. He was trying at least.
Outside of the performance issues, there was the moral issue I spoke about in the beginning. My whole opinion on this matter is a mess of contradictions, so bear with me, but the simplest way I can put it is this: As a fan of trap, drill, and street oriented rap music, I feel an incredible disgust in the way we consume music from these artists. People with no involvement or stake in gang politics will gleefully sing along to lyrics about actual dead people, people who were killed. They will turn up and party to music about death, addiction, and tragedy. Everyone who sang and danced along to Pressa while he rapped with flippant disregard about the murders of Sizzlac and Sluggah is culpable in this exploitation, myself included. But what are people supposed to do? When the beat is thumping through your entire body and the guy on stage is telling you that this is a cool thing you should aspire to do, it can be hard not to just rock with it. It's an uncomfortable question that I don't have the answer to.
Speaking of Pressa, his set was excellent, morality aside. His presence on stage was magnetic, as he played classics like Wass Gang, Canada Goose, and She So Pretty, as well as newer hits like Attachments and Second Hand Smoke. He brought out The Wassas, who assisted in running through a litany of Toronto party staples. The whole crew was on fire and had the crowd in the palm of their hands.
A thing I really want to talk about is a guy named Drownmili, who played Saturday at the Uber Stage. I was standing over on the grass smoking when I saw this guy come out with a guitar player and a drummer and a hype man. It was the strangest band setup I had ever seen but immediately I was intrigued when he played his opening track. I made my way over to the stage to get a better look at these guys. By the third song, the crowd had already began to grow. The eclectic mix of punk, hip hop, and indie rock that boomed from the mainstage made easy work of attracting hordes of pale-jean-wearing youngsters who all seemed equally surprised and intrigued by how fucking good this guy and his band were.
A thing I don't want to talk about at all is Future. I'm upset with him at this current juncture, but I think deep down I'm really just upset with myself. If you were there, you know what happened. But I won't speak on it. I can't. It's too fresh.
On Sunday I travelled back in time to 2016 into a sea of four-sided longsleeves and black skinny jeans and finally felt at home again as Pouya, Fat Nick, Xavier Wulf, and $uicideBoy$ cruised through their expansive discographies. The best part was that these guys could actually rap. Not a backing track among them and they sounded incredible on a live stage. It felt great to see these guys actually take their performances seriously and deliver a memorable show to their fans.
All in all, Rolling Loud Toronto was a bit of a let down, music wise. I had a sweet time partying with my friends but that's not what I'm writing about here. I'm writing about the festival itself. And the festival itself was Not Good. There were good parts of it, it wasn't entirely horrible, but I could never quite shake the feeling that something like Rolling Loud will just never work. Rap isn't meant to be performed or listened to on a massive event ground with stages sponsored by Uber and cops crawling all over the fucking place. It's just antithetical to the whole thing. My soul died a little when I saw a candy shop called the Trap Mart and at least fifty white kids wearing ski masks. A white frat boy in a Hawaiian shirt threw up a Crip sign in an act of acknowledgement as I passed him and I got so confused I thought I was having a stroke.
Maybe I shouldn't complain. I don't listen to Yeat. I don't use Tik Tok. I don't wear huge t-shirts and small shorts and chunky Air Force Ones. This thing wasn't meant for me. But I still think rap fans deserve better than this, so I will continue to scream into the void.
ig: riversthepoet
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Okay so me and my mom have been having a couple good days lately and I catch myself thinking “What if it isn’t actually that bad?” And I have to force myself to remember that it’s NOT OKAY what she’s doing. And the things in the past are not okay either. So I’m making this a pinned post of a list of all the fucked up things she did to me over the course of my entire life just to remember that I don’t have to feel bad whenever the day comes that I can escape her. I will probably be editing it when memories of more things come to me or if there ends up being new things too.
When I was literally a toddler and she slapped me across the face hard for asking “what took so long?”
When I was 6?? And went to Disney world with her, Ala, and wepa and we went to the gift shop and she picked out a magnet of the letter T for a friend whose name also started with T but I didn’t know. And I excitedly said “T for Tiana” and she got mad and said “Stop trying to make everything about you” and made me cry in front of everyone at the store.
Not allowed to go outside unless for shopping or school
Not allowed to call any friends or go to their houses EVER
Being grounded meant taking every form of digital media away from me except music on the radio or CDs. She took my tv out of my room and put it on the highest shelf in her closet so I couldn’t even reach it. And it wasn’t just for a couple days or weeks. It was MONTHS
Grounding me over eating a stale pop tart ??? Like wtf
Forbidding me to have ANY contact with my dads side of the family when it should have only been my dad himself. The rest of the family didn’t do anything wrong to her.
LOOKING THROUGH MY PERSONAL DIARY AND ART BOOKS WITHOUT PERMISSION
Making me feel bad for crying when she yelled at me or told me I wasn’t good enough. Saying things like “only babies cry, maybe I should put you in a diaper and pacifier since you want to act like a baby”
Not caring about my opinion “because you’re just a kid and don’t know anything about life” even now when I’m 23.
CONSTANTLY putting the needs/feelings of men she dates before the needs of me and my little sister
Told me I was “asking for it” when I got raped when I was 15 because I wore pajama shorts around him. Then told me I just need to get over it and that nothing even happened to me.
Telling me how I will never get a job because I’m not brave enough to do a job interview. Then telling me I need to stop being lazy and get a job. But then also telling me I’m not allowed to work because I need to stay home and watch my sister.
taking about 4,000 dollars out of my account that was meant for me to go to college or get an apartment or something IMPORTANT. just for her to buy a car that she ended up crashing within a week. And not consistently paying me back little by little.
Trying to make dylan seem like he’s a manipulator or an abuser or someone that wanted to use me for the money I had. When he never asked me for a single cent of it.
Trying to split up mine and Julians friendship just because she has beef with Regina.
Making me feel like I owe her anything when in reality she’s the one that owes me. More than just money.
Constantly making me feel like my mental/physical illnesses aren’t important because she has fibromyalgia and that is the WORST thing anyone can have
Acting like she is the only one who has feelings and when anybody else has a problem she says “WELL HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?” or when she does something someone else doesn’t agree with she says “well maybe I should just kill myself” or “Well since I’m such a horrible mother maybe I should just disappear”. She thinks everything is an attack on her when it’s not
Putting the responsibility of watching tori on me my whole life starting when I was 9. A 9 year old should NOT be responsible for a baby at all. I’m not the one who decided to have a kid. It shouldn’t be my responsibility
Only apologizing by buying me things. Never changed actions.
In 2018 when she busy fucking around with guys and left me and dylan and Regina home with no food for days. And I used 10 dollars on the food stamp card to get us something to eat and she yelled at me for not asking first because “it’s her money” when it’s not just for her.
When she almost kicked me out because I told her I wanted to change my name to Lunette. She just now is getting over the fact that I changed it. (I’m also starting to believe maybe she threw out my name change papers so I can’t update my social security card or medical stuff)
Just treating me in general like I’m stupid and beneath her.
Also in 2018 when she had her email account connected to my phone because she constantly didn’t have phone service and I was able to see her search history. And she googled stuff like “how to kick out your disrespectful adult daughter and her boyfriend” because I wouldn’t tell her how much money was in my bank account. And because I wouldn’t change my mind about changing my name I think. And probably also because I used the 10 dollars on the food stamp card that one time.
Saying racist things to me about myself or about other people. She’s made me feel bad about being part black all my life. To the point where until I was about 10 I was racist against black people myself because she dislikes black people so much she didn’t even tell me I was part black until then. Which REALLY fucked me up as a kid because why would you teach me to be racist against my own kind?? And Puerto Ricans are also part black as well??
When we were riding in the car with Regina and out of nowhere she said “I used to beat you profusely, and I’m sorry” and I have ZERO recollection of being beaten. So now idk if I wasn’t and she just wanted to say something crazy. Or if she really did beat me and my brain has been blocking it out all these years??
When I first started to experiment with my own personal style and makeup for the first time when I was 12. And she told me that I should stop trying to be an adult. And that I’m too young to be looking like a slut. All I wanted was darker clothes and to be able to wear eyeliner and black nail polish.
WHEN SHE GROUNDED ME FOR SAYING I WANTED TO BE GOTH??? I was like 10 at the time.
Always telling me to stand up for myself. But never to her. Any time I tried I was called disrespectful and ungrateful.
Making me only wear sweat suits in the winter and big t shirts and long shorts in the summer. I used to think this was because even as a kid I was fat. But I could have just worn adult size clothes. But I think it’s because she wanted to make me feel bad about my body. Which she definitely succeeded. She always used to tell me how bad I would look if I tried to wear something that wasn’t what she picked out. I fought so hard to be able to wear what I wanted when clothes started having plus size kid sections.
10-25-2021: told me that the reason we are in such a shitty situation and stuck in cmha and why she has bad luck is because I opened an umbrella in the house when I was like 6.
11-10-2021: told tori that she should blame her being mentally behind on when I dropped her when I was 9. And to blame Johnny for my mom dropping her. Of course it would never be her fault lmao.
When I was a kid and she would yell at me every time I slouched in my seat
01-15-2022: got mad at me because dylan didn’t propose in front of her. Stomping around and yelling about how he HAD to bc we live with her. Then tried to say that he probably didn’t even care when he did it. When she didn’t even know.
06-03-2022: called cps on my mom for Tori. The woman was such a bitch who wouldn't listen really. I felt like she wasn't going to do anything.
06-06-2022: my mom called to get mad at me that I called cps on her. She guilt tripped me the whole time and then did her whole "oh I'm such a shit mom then?" thing. I tried so hard to explain that I just want her to get help but she made me feel like I'm the wrong one for trying to get her that help. Tio went and talked to my mom and told her that she needs help and to not be mad at me or Tori. But right after we hung up Tori messaged me to say that mom just screamed at her and is forcing her to go to bed at 10:30 every night so she won't be seen as a dead beat mom. I feel like nothing is going to help.
When I was a like 15-16?? And she got me press on toe nails and said "maybe these will make your toes look normal"
When me mom and Julian were in the McDonald's drive through and she made me cry because she kept calling me a hunchback
When she called me an alcoholic because I had ONE bottle of wine in the fridge. This was right before I moved to Shelby
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Tory Nichols Is Not Okay (and other predictable book-titles)
I’ve been trying to figure out some things around Tory that make me very protective of her as a character + hopeful for more in-depth writing of her character in upcoming seasons.
1. within the story she differs from literally every other main in that she’s the single character without a support network to fall back on. Even Robby, who’s having A Tough Fucking Time, could theoretically have a moment where he figures out that Kreese (and probably Silver once he’s in the picture) is the fucking worst and Daniel, Johnny, Shannon, and Amanda would want him to come back, hell I imagine that next season will have Daniel and Johnny thinking a lot about how exactly to convince Robby to give them a second chance - as of end season 3, Tory hasn’t got anyone fighting in her corner at all.
This isn’t in the sense of characters competing about trauma or who-has-it-worse or who’s more likely to become a villain or anything. It’s just something interesting I’ve noted, because there’s never been a character like her in the movies or the show, one who is going through stuff quite as bad as what she’s being presented as going through: No support, no money, no friends.
2. I find it interesting that she doesn’t (at the moment) have any direct connection to either Daniel or Johnny - the two cores of the show. Sure she was Johnny’s student for a hot second, but I don’t think they had a single meaningful interaction.
She interacted with Aisha first, which - when they wrote Aisha off the show (actually probably the thing I most disagree with in this story, because it left several question marks hanging in the air) - meant that the first grounding element she had in the story was lost.
Then she interacted with Sam and I think the core of their rivalry - that Sam represents everything Tory can’t have VS the complicated mix of privilege (which I’m hoping will be brought up) + the way Cobra Kai took her best friend and boyfriend from her + everything she’s internalised from Daniel - is really really cool and some of Tory’s strongest moments come from that, because the two play off each other so well and this show is all foils and nemeses. Hopefully the show won’t try to simplify this into “boyfriend troubles.”
Then there’s Miguel Which, obviously there’s some complicated stuff going on there, but in the end, beyond jilted lovers, I personally find her actual relationships with Aisha and Sam more interesting, although the general sense of “oh great, betrayed again, why did I think anything different would happen” + at the same time getting an insight into something inherently self-destructive, (in that she deliberately went for a guy she knew wasn’t over his ex) has some good elements to it.
(there’s Hawk as well, but that’s more casual-trauma-friendship-with-a-dose-of-egging-each-other-on, the two of them aren’t really close).
And lastly there’s Kreese. Who is. The only person who knows what she’s going through. We have one episode with a couple of scenes + a handful of comments that indicate where she’s at and where she’s at is not good.
3. Tory is maybe a tough sell right off the bat, because of several factors: she’s mainly angry and violent, she’s (as stated above) not emotionally connected to the two leads and her only other relationships right now are antagonistic or written off the show or... Kreese. Robby is going to be there in season 4 which’ll offer some nice opportunities, but for the moment they’re pretty much strangers.
She was introduced later than anyone else we’ve got right now (characters from the movies notwithstanding, but we do already know those + they are connected to Daniel) and her first meaningful interaction was with Aisha, who, I will reiterate, I feel should not have been written off the darn show, but I digress. There was some really interesting interaction going on between her and Aisha and failing to make good on that kind of meant that there was a sense of floatiness to Tory’s first introduction - suddenly this relationship doesn’t matter, oh okay I guess? Reboot.
That being said I think she’s a very bold addition to the show and I’m curious about where the story will go with Tory next, since imo her first two seasons were about building her character to a point where she could become an Antagonist with some hidden depths.
I’m expecting based on the first three seasons of the show that those depths will be revisited and respected.
4. I think I’m hoping for Sam to realise what’s going on there, for Sam to try and help, for Sam to realise that, actually, Tory’s problems extend faaaar beyond her and she was more like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’d like this as well because while it might’ve been a weakness before that Tory wasn’t connected to Daniel or Johnny, now that can become a strength - the story can really start to move beyond them and into the ways that the younger characters interact with each other in a more forgiving + healing + understanding way (using their lessons, which... might? become more unified now? perchance? since they’re on the same side for the first time in... ever?)
I’d like for another adult to get involved there, but I’d absolutely love it if the first steps came from Sam and Tory, rather than Daniel or Johnny or any other adult noticing this kid needs some help. It’d be sad and hopeful all at once for them to have the realisation that sometimes kids just fall through the cracks, but then Tory can be supported by her peers first and foremost.
I wouldn’t necessarily say this needs to happen in season 4, but the sympathy extended to characters like Hawk, Robby, Johnny, Daniel, etc. in the writing needs to be extended to her as well. And for that to happen she needs to connect with someone other than Kreese.
Also, of course, Tory and Robby are going to be Sadness Bros next season, pretty sure they have horror stories to tell each other while they bond - I’m hoping this doesn’t become a romantic relationship, but it’s a show that likes its romantic relationships, so we’ll see. Fingers crossed. (also if Tory should be dating anyone it’s Aisha, right????) Point is, that’ll obviously give her more grounding with another main that isn’t I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
I think this is where the initial elements of those aforementioned depths can be explored more thoroughly. Robby wouldn’t just be willing to listen - he’d be the first character to really Get It. He’ll probably be the first person to understand her and so the first protagonist we’ll get to really relate to her through (again, to me Miguel doesn’t count, he didn’t know her at all).
Anyway I want for Sam and Tory to become the ultimate remixed version of Daniel and Johnny, in that they fully cannot stand each other for X amount of the runtime, only to find common ground at the last moment and perchance do some gay, friendly karate matching.
(Also Tory’s bi, right? Yeah, Tory’s bi. I see your flannel!)
Tory has the potential to be a great slow-burn character, so I’m excited!
#tory nichols#sam larusso#john kreese#aisha robinson#robby keene#cobra kai#meta#i just think her being so apart from other characters has the potential to really elevate her#on some level the majority of the women and girls on this show are really hindered by their *status* as wife/mother/daughter/gf#to the two main mains - tory doesn't have ANY of that which is cool and also makes her the only female lead not to#I really think/hope that'll pay off now that the more-establishing seasons have happened#my three things about this show that I'd love to see...: more girls/women doing stuff independently of their relationships to guys#esp those relationships with johnny and daniel#2. queers. not just two queers but like. more than that. you're teaching a bunch of teenagers who're outsiders#there*s more than one couple's worth of queers in this set-up#3. perchance... a trans person? look I'm not holding my breath... I'd just think it was neat...#my meta#cobra kai meta
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AIGHT Y’ALL I wasn’t tagged but I’m doing this anyways because f u c k i t
It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?
Deadasss weird as fuck, my dude. Like...out of all the things I could’ve predicted happening in our lord’s year 2021, it definitely was NOT getting hyperfixated on a hammy gay ship with a punk and a nerd from a goddamn karate soap opera. And yet...here we are??? I will never understand hyperfixations, my guy. But I’ve met a lot of really cool people in this fandom, so I can’t really complain.
Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?
I have never seen a single Karate Kid movie in my entire life. When I was a kid, it looked kinda dumb so I never got into it XD But then I saw my roommate watching Cobra Kai on Youtube Red one day (he has every streaming service known to man) and I was hooked. And...here I am!
We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:
Literally EVERYONE except for Kreese, Yasmine, Kyler, and Tory, sorry stans
Okay but if we gotta pick, Johnny Lawrence is my Problematic Fave. Also I love my boy Daniel, he’s trying his best!!! And Amanda LaRusso, we stan a queen!!!
Among the kids, definitely Miguel, with Demetri as a close second. I also love Sam, Aisha, Moon, and Hawk (pre- and post-Bastardization Arc, anyways XD)!
Favorite ship:
Take a look at my username and take a WILD FUCKING GUESS lmao
Yes it’s Eli/Demetri because DUH, every interaction they have is so fucking gay and Eli fucking saved him!!! And came back to him!!! And betrayed the world’s most terrifying dojo with a WAR CRIMINAL SENSEI all for Demetri!!! And how Demetri was willing to forgive him for everything at the drop of a hat because he always had faith there was still good in his best friend??? That’s TRUE LOVE motherfuckers. Please let them kiss in Season 4. I will sell you all of my limbs.
Sam/Miguel is a close second because they’re cute as shit and it’s just so lovely to see two people so unapologetically smitten with each other. They are in LOVE, and I will RIOT if they break up again!!! Keep Sam and Miguel together 2k21!!!
Underrated character:
SAMANTHA LARUSSO!!! The amount of hate my girl gets for acting like a normal teenager and fucking up occasionally JUST like the rest of the cast makes me want to start punching things. She cares SO MUCH about her friends!!! And she loves the shit out of Miguel!!! She hasn’t always been the best friend but you know what??? Neither has Hawk, and we still forgave his ass!!! Also LET HER BE FEMININE but also kick utter ass, my god!!! Femininity should not be synonymous with being weak, y’all!
ALSO DEMETRI, like yes, he likes to complain and occasionally run his mouth, but guess what else he likes to do??? Never give up on the love of his life his best friend Eli Moskowitz and refuse to lose faith in him no matter how much of a little shit he’s become, and I for one think that’s very badass of him. Also the way he takes care of Eli pre-Cobra Kai in his own snarky bastard way makes me absolutely Weak and needs more appreciation. Like the dude has charisma and COULD have probably made other friends and left Eli behind if he wanted, but did he??? No, he wants the weepy loser with the lip scar in the polo shirts and dorky sweaters and will protect him as much as his wimpy ass is able!!!
Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):
Among the adults, Daniel/Amanda!!! Like maybe I just don’t watch that much tv, but it seems kinda rare to me to see a happily married hetero couple, and it’s just nice to see a married couple who genuinely love each other and where there’s not like...lingering resentment or some shit. I feel like this ship gets overshadowed by Lawrusso a lot (which like--okay, fair!!! Daniel and Johnny do have a ridiculous amount of chemistry, and the gay undertones are undeniable, so I get it), and it makes me kinda sad. I do love Lawrusso, but I don’t like when Amanda has to get her heart broke for it to happen, you feel?
Among the kids, honestly YasMoon. Like I really love the idea of Yasmine trying to better herself because of Moon’s influence on her and because Moon like...inspires her to be a better person, I guess? With their pretty strong friendship, it just makes more sense to me for Yasmine to get a redemption arc through Moon than through Demetri. ALSO girls DO often pull the whole “mean girl” shtick to cover up being closeted lesbians, and Moon IS canonically bi, so it could work!!! I just think this one could be a really interesting Friends to Lovers take, and could make a really nice coming-out arc for Yas.
And MoonPiper too, honestly!!! Like they only got 5 seconds of screentime so I understand WHY it’s underrated, but I still love what we DID get and loved that there was a canon gay ship (even if only for 1 scene lmao). I’m really excited to potentially see more of them in Season 4!!! Please, I’m begging!!!
Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?
Sweep the Leg because it will always be deeply hilarious to me how Demetri took note of the first move Eli ever used on him and spent presumably weeks perfecting it OUT OF SPITE just to get him back with it at the soccer game MONTHS later. Just goes to show how OBSESSED Demetri is with Eli and their little karate rivalry which is just NOT straight, I’m sorry
Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?
There’s something so funny about this pretentious little fuck walking around in fancy suits once he becomes a #SuccessfulBusinessman, and still occasionally trying to do karate in a full-ass suit (take THAT, Tom Cole’s boba!!!) I’m also a big fan of how he looks in his gi with his little headband. Still killing that look as a 40-50-something!!!
Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver:
Tbh I have still never seen a single Karate Kid movie (they took them off of Netflix, RIP), so...I don’t really care if they bring anyone else back??? I’m invested in the characters we already have in the show, I don’t need some rando from the movies to make a cameo to have a good time XD The only character I really wanted them to bring back was Ali, and they already did, so like...I’m good??? That’s all I really needed, I can die in peace now XD
Scene that lives in your head rent-free:
Basically any fluffy Elimetri scene, but 5 in particular:
~Miguel first meeting Eli and Demetri at the lunch table, and Eli looking at Demetri like he hung every goddamn star in the sky
~Demetri going off at a terrifying, “unhinged” karate sensei on the first day of Cobra Kai because he made fun of Eli’s lip and Demetri is not about that shit
~ELI STEALING DEMETRI’S NACHO AND SMIRKING AT HIM, LIKE EXCUSE ME SIR PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS HOMOSEXUAL IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND
~Eli yanking Demetri onstage during Valley Fest to hold a board, and Demetri being visibly like...extremely turned on when Eli breaks said board
~ELI SAVING DEMETRI DURING THE CHRISTMAS FIGHT, ELI APOLOGIZING, DEMETRI AND ELI KICKING COBRA ASS TOGETHER AKSBDCUWYVCBU
Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?
I hope not! He’s kind of a funny meme character to pop up now and again but I don’t think he deserves a serious plotline when there are so many more interesting characters to follow.
You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?
Miyagi-Do because Cobra Kai would eat me alive. Also I’d probably straight up get stuck and die in that cement mixer, if I even made it that far XD Besides, being salty that your friend who you have a crush on likes martial arts better than you and starting martial arts to impress them but also being too lazy to join anything TOO intense is a Big Mood and I am certainly not speaking from personal experience here, no sirree
What’s your training montage song?
"Shut Up and Drive” by Rihanna for a weight-training and bicep-flexing montage, “Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons for a more intense punching-and-kicking-shit montage. I don’t know why this is, I just feel it in my heart.
It’s the crossover event of the century! Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?
*Briefly panics because I don’t actually watch that much TV and most of the stuff I do watch is fantasy/sci fi shit that absolutely would not work for a CK crossover*
Hmmmm okay but ACTUALLY
You know what would be fucking funny as hell would be an It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia crossover. Allow me to elaborate:
~The Gang goes to LA on vacation during the height of the Karate Dojo Wars. They literally can get barely anything done without all these goddamn karate-fighting teenagers getting in the way.
~They are all very annoyed by this. Even the most obscure of tourist attractions is eventually intercepted by karate fights.
~Mac tries to join Cobra Kai because he sees all this karate fighting on, and wants to unquestionably prove both his badassery and masculinity. Both Johnny and Kreese are like “Wtf are you doing here? Aren’t you like 30?”
~Mac gets a planet-sized crush on Johnny after all of 5 minutes and endlessly gushes to the gang about him. The gang mercilessly roast him about this and about how much of a pathetic loser with his life together in no way whatsoever Johnny sounds like. They proceed to have exactly 0 self awareness about this.
~The Waitress is in town visiting family or something, and Charlie is stalking her, as per usual. However, every time he’s about to go up and talk to her, a pack of battling Miyagi-Dos and Cobra Kais throwing punches and kicks everywhere blocks his path. One times, Mac is among one of these packs and Charlie is like “???? He didn’t get kicked out of that teen karate dojo yet???”
~Seeing how much the Kids These Days seem to like fighting, Charlie drops by a local high school to try and sell Fight Milk to the kids doing karate. Only Kyler and Brucks buy into it, and subsequently get the entire West Valley High wrestling team sick. Charlie is inevitably arrested, as Counselor Blatt thinks he’s selling the kids drugs.
~Dennis makes a plan to have sex with every hot chick he can in Los Angeles. He meets Ali on a dating app post-divorce, and inevitably tries to bang her. It doesn’t work.
~Frank crashes the rental car, and inevitably the gang ends up at one of Daniel’s dealerships. Dee quickly takes a liking to Daniel and is like “Watch, assholes--Imma homewreck this guy’s marriage.” She starts frequenting the dealerships to attempt to flirt with Daniel, until one day she walks in on him having sex with Johnny in a back room and she’s like “Is that the guy from Mac’s goddamn dojo?!?!”
~Dennis, of course, tries to sleep with Amanda. Amanda is not having it, and rebukes him in the most snarky, Amanda-esque way possible. Dennis is just like “Oh not AGAIN--the women in this goddamn diva city have too high of standards!”
~Later on, the gang is at the beach and Dennis spots the blonde lady he went out on an ill-fate date with, and decides to give it another shot--that is, until he sees her go up and kiss another woman and he’s like “IS THAT THE LADY FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP??? STUPID-KARATE-KICK-COMMERCIAL’S WIFE?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.”
~Dee complains to Dennis about her lack of luck getting laid, and Dennis is just like “Oh come ON, is everyone in Los Angeles gay???” Smash cut to Hawk and Demetri having sex, Moon and Piper making out, Bert and Nate holding hands, Chris and Mitch doing oral, and Amanda, Ali, and Carmen having a threesome.
~Frank tries to scam Kreese into buying cheaply-made karate equipment for his dojo. The gang ends up having to leave LA because Kreese is quite literally plotting all of their murders.
For tagging, uuuuhhhhhh @jackonthelongwalk @soe-leo @max-eagle-fang @cc-tinslebee @backawayfromthegay @asphodel-storm do the thing, if y’all haven’t yet!
#cobra kai#cobra kai season 1#cobra kai season 2#cobra kai season 3#ck#tag game#binary boyfriends#daniel larusso#johnny lawrence#it's always sunny in philadelphia#iasip
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For the salty ask 1, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 14, 16, 20, 22, 23 and 26 for cobra kai pretty please
My answers are so long, so I am putting this under the cut @wonderwolfballoon! Also I just noticed your Daniel icon I SWEAR I’M NOT DRAGGING HIM TO BE MEAN!!!
1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*
My biggest IDGI ships for CK are probably Elimetri or Kiaz. I’m not here to yuck other people’s yums or anything, but I do think there is something to the idea that Migueli isn’t popular because it’s a ship predicated on mutual respect for one another. Kiaz has the obvious enemies to lovers vibe and I just generally don’t sail those ships. Elimetri has... its problems, IMO, most especially around the idea that Demetri has to like... save Hawk from himself? Idk. I just like romances that I feel are based on love and mutual respect and not ...tropes.
I am also not a Lawrusso shipper although I have a lot of those on my dash and you all are great! Again, not yucking yums! Daniel just makes me want to head butt him too much to pair him romantically with anyone 😂 I don’t even want his wife with him. He needs to self reflect~
4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*
I once saw someone ship Amanda and Anoush and I noped out of that so fucking fast I almost tripped over myself. I’m not sure if they’re popular. I just think some people feel the need to get Amanda out of the way to sail their ship and stuck her with Anoush which... no. Just no. Let Amanda be a messy single queen with a martini hobby, thanks!
5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*
Not in CK. I’m lucky because I pretty much stick to my little Migueli bubble and I’m okay with that? Lmao lord knows the Squad on my dash is all about the DISCOURSE™️ so idk if I just don’t feel the need to get sucked into the wider ship wars because we have good healthy debates, but so far, so good.
6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*
I never hated it... I just didn’t have many feelings on shipping with this show in general at first. Then I was in the CK tag one day and I saw Migueli fan art. Then I discovered @afurioushawk‘s falconry series and it was all over for me after that! So fandom DID make me love a ship, just not one I hated.
9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?
Oh boy. How much time do you have?
In some instances, it’s a good thing season 3 happened because otherwise, this would be a multi-page essay on the problems with race and class privilege as it pertains to Sam LaRusso and just some... generally not nice comments about Demetri that I’m conflicted about because I’m not sure if the writers are intentionally trying to write him a specific way and it’s just not translating to me or what. But season 3 revamped both of their images with me a lot. I’m way more flexible in terms of Demetri, but lmao I was the number one Sam LaRusso hater for a minute there (or maybe number 2, I can think of at least 1 other person who was in that boat with me back in like... August/September, but I won’t call them out because I don’t want them to get hate...)
However, I have grown a bit in my opinions of Sam, and even though I still think she’s responsible for a lot of shit she NEVER gets held accountable for, I also think that’s a reflection of the adults around her too, and this includes my otherwise unproblematic queen, Amanda.
But honestly, my most hated character (other than the obvious villain that is Kreese) is Daniel. No matter how handsome Ralph Macchio looks in cable-knits, because Daniel has always been a sanctimonious, shit starting drama king and I say that about KK Daniel too. I’m not saying Daniel was the ~true villain~ or anything, or that Johnny was innocent -- I can only drink so much Red and Yellow Kool-Aid -- but Daniel’s always been annoying to me as a protagonist, and turning him into a smarmy wealthy car salesman who is also a class traitor did not do him any favors in my book. I will say, I also like Daniel more in season 3 than I have in previous season, but since he is the adult, I will be mad at him longer than I will be at the kids, ya feel?
10. Most disliked arc? Why?
Johnny’s entire season 3 storyline. The sheer level of REGRESSION at every turn drives me bonkers. It’s like watching him go through all of the stumbling blocks of season 1 all over again, but without the “he’s learning! He’s going to make mistakes!” free pass that I was willing to give him the first time around. He regularly jeopardizes Miguel’s recovery and it’s played for laughs. He fucks up on every level with Robby. He spends most of his time running away when things get hard or too real. He drops the ball completely with Hawk, and like, not to put too fine a point on it, but a lot of Hawk’s issues are because Johnny put Hawk on this ‘flip the script and be a badass’ path and then offered him no guidance for how to walk that path and instead left him in the hands of Kreese. And then he has the nerve to go to Hawk and basically be like “I made you what you are!” lmao yeah Johnny, you sure did, that’s why he’s breaking peoples arms, hoss. And then all of the nonsense with Ali and Carmen, like... if you were planning on teasing KK fans with Ali and him getting back together, why write her as married in the first place? Why even tease the idea of Carmen and Johnny until after you were sure what you were going to do with Ali as a character? Instead, they do what they did in season 3 and it makes him look like a colossal jerk. So yeah. Literally every choice they made with Johnny this season, I hated.
14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?
People who hate Tory are not valid, sorry not sorry.
16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?
I would have kept Miguel entirely out of Tory and Sam’s beef. Or at least not directly inserted him into it like he was with the kiss. I know the writers thought it was necessary to push Tory to the point of inciting a fight at school, but I am just so exhausted over girls being unable to fight about anything but boys. Also I would bring Aisha back.
20. What is the purest ship in the fandom?
I am probably biased, but I still maintain it’s Migueli. Look, Miguel stood up to Kyler for Eli and Demetri both. Hawk joined CK because he saw what it could do for some skinny nerd who was getting his ass kicked. And he took to CK, really took to it! Even flourished before he started getting mixed messages. And he and Miguel were pretty much inseparable after that. They coordinated their wardrobes ffs. Hawk dubbed him El Serpiente and no one else calls him that — it’s Hawk’s nickname for him. Miguel confides in Hawk only secondary to Johnny, who is like a father to him. The entire Coyote Creek exchange shows they can fight and disagree but... well, to use the cliche, they don’t go to bed angry, you know? They’re square the very next day. Hawk is the first person at Miguel’s side when he gets kicked over the balcony and the LOOK he gives the second floor where Robby is? That boy is out for blood immediately to avenge Miguel. So much of his s3 behavior is fueled by that need for vengeance because MD is wholly responsible for what happened to Miguel. And Miguel is so confused and betrayed by Hawk’s shift in behavior, and yet still holds out hope that Hawk will see through Kreese’s BS and come with him to The Dojo I Refuse to Name. And when Hawk does make that deflection finally, he shows up at MD with Miguel. There’s so much more that I know I’m missing but whether someone ships them or not, that is a tried and true love and respect for one another, a willingness to fight for and defend one another that you don’t often see in TV friendships... or even in most tv relationships. And I just think that’s the best ❤️
22. Popular character you hate?
Daniel, hands down. I mean... I don’t even necessarily hate Daniel, you know? I just think it’s really, pardon the pun, rich that a guy of immense wealth and privilege can’t get a therapist or turn to his far too patient wife for help with his existential crisis over his high school bully opening up a karate dojo to make some money and help a kid who is getting the crap kicked out of him. I get that Daniel’s narrative is necessary for the rivalry, but it does nothing to make him sympathetic as a character.
23. Unpopular character you love?
Tory, definitely! Everyone hates her and then there’s me and the Squad over here banging away on our Coors Banquet cans yelling TORY RIGHTS! Seriously she catches so much flack for a teenage girl who is... the sole income provider for her family? At 17? While caring for a sick mom and a little brother? And fending off a creepy landlord? Tory has it so rough and then she meets a cool girl at her dojo who asks her to hang out at some fancy ass country club which is probably the nicest place Tory has ever been in, and then she gets talked down to and accused of being a thief and has another girl lay hands on her, only to find out that same girl is her new boyfriend’s ex and... ugh. I HATE that Tory gets shit all over when Tory and Sam wouldn’t even have beef if Sam had apologized to Tory as she SHOULD have. Tory isn’t innocent, but damn, I’d be pressed too.
My other unpopular character I love? Nathaniel. Seriously that kid is THE best. He’s a literal child but is out there like I WILL FUCK YOU UP, even though he’s MD. Honestly, his Cobra Kai energy is so ferocious I won’t be surprised if he moves back to CK eventually. Anyway, I love him.
26. Most shippable character?
Miguel, hands down. It’s because he’s so affable and sweet overall. And because his hair is so fluffy and pettable that no one can resist touching it. I like to imagine that one day he and Hawk are talking about their hair and Hawk makes a joke about how Miguel’s mane is getting so long that it’s going to be bigger than his own, and then he reaches out to ruffle it and internally has a bisexual meltdown because oh no IT’S SO SOFT AND NICE. But uh... anyway, yes. Definitely Miguel.
#ask game#cobra kai#sorry y’all I gotta tag#uh#anti Daniel larusso#anti lawrusso#anti Kiaz#anti Elimetri#it’s not *really* anti those ships but uh... tagging for the culture???#plz don’t flame ship who you ship!!!#Migueli#i hope this is tagged appropriately if you need something else tagged lmk
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You're completely right, no one should be judged for taking health risks and the weird individual moralising around covid is not good for anyone. I've seen people who are very upset saying "I did everything right but I still got covid", and that's not a good way to feel. But I just wanted to try and share the specific fucked up situation in England right now, and how that might feed into how English people assess the risk of their situation. And remind people that for both Louis and fans, going on tour is far riskier than going to the pub, because the level of hypocrisy from some of your anons right now is downright scary.
I really appreciated both your responses anon. The people you know insisting they got the good covid are really showing how much damage we do to ourselves and others when we make health a matter of individual responsibility.
I feel the tension where I want to say 'you're wrong about this specific thing and also you're wrong about this big thing and I feel like if I argue with you about the specific thing I would be conceding that if it was true it would mean you were right about the big thing' all the time. Or in this case I wanted to agree with you about the specific thing, but I worried that it would be giving too much ground.
Because of course the UK context is important. It's important in a mundane way, where that's a situation that is fully legal and there's never been any expectation of mask wearing.
But obviously it's important in another way where you're like 'what the fuck are you on? Do you have any idea what those fuckwits are doing? How can you think this is worth even a smidgeon at breath which you could use calling for every single Tory MP to be drowned in their own urine?'
The ways that the UK government is a clusterfuck does real damage. I haven't been in the UK for a year, and some of the images and stories from number 10 mess with my head. The photo in particular, that was taken before it was legal for a friend to come and sit in my garden, at that point it'd been 9 weeks since I had a conversation with someone in person.
Having arbitrary, ever changing rules, enforced by very active and discriminatory policing, imposed on you by people who don't give a shit and aren't following them and it's all for nothing because people are still dying and it's impossible to get routine healthcare - that fucks with you. And I really want to advocate for a world where when people who have been screwed up that intently by a government and their policies don't react by turning to someone else and blaming them.
It is to me mindblowing and a sign of how effective the strategy to get people to focus on insigificant things has been that I got asks about the way someone in England was dealing with COVID and it wasn't about a Tory.
#To be fair#I think only some of them are hypocrites#the lot that are 'Louis shouldn't be at a pub because it would interfere with my gig'#the ones that think he shouldn't go on tour or to a pub#are invasive#and I disagree with their model of health#but I don't think they're hypocrites
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Honor Bound 2 - 60
This is a series. Start here, continued from here.
This is a sequel to Honor Bound.
AO3
Cw: isolation, dead family mention, thoughts of death, mention of suicide (to escape torture), panic attack mention, Colleen Stormbeck, gendered slurs, ableist slur, death, death threats
Ellis couldn’t even pace around this fucking cell. They couldn’t move around, couldn’t walk, could barely stand up with their wrists chained to the wall. Alone, for at least a day. Ellis had no idea. They’d kept the lights on the whole time, although Ellis had slept and then been awake long enough that they thought it had to be afternoon. Truly, though, they didn’t know. And they had no way of knowing when, if ever, they’d see anyone ever again.
They’d been left with enough food and water to make it through the day, and had been given one bathroom break. Otherwise they’d been left alone in the cell, with nothing to do. Nothing to think about, but their own horror.
And their rage. Their entire body quivered with a wrenching, burning rage that consumed them. Rage at Colleen, rage at the syndicates, rage at the whole goddamned world. At the twisted fucking system that let the families with the most power and least scruples take over the fucking world. Or whatever was left of it; Ellis had no idea what lay beyond the region they’d lived in their whole life. It was too dangerous to travel for it to be worth it most of the time. There was only running, and hiding. They’d tried to hide with their family, before they’d been taken from Ellis. Before Gavin’s fucking uncle Benjamin took them from Ellis.
That old agony washed over them, the familiar abyss they were constantly one bad day from falling into. Christopher. Galen. Chloe. The ones who still haunted Ellis’s dreams, who still called to Ellis from wherever they were, every day. Maybe they were nowhere. Maybe they were gone forever, and that’s what Ellis would be, once Colleen killed them.
They didn’t understand why Colleen hadn’t killed them already. They figured the others were being held together, what was the point of specifying they be in solitary if Colleen was going to separate them all later anyway? No, they were probably held together. And Ellis couldn’t bear to think about what was happening to them right now.
Maybe she knows I’m the one who loses my fucking shit when I’m alone, Ellis thought bitterly. Maybe she knows about my family and just fucking assumes I’m the one who lost my fucking mind when I was first alone. Ellis had done more than lost their shit. They’d done things that they couldn’t bear to think about. They’d disappeared down a path that consumed them, one that they traveled for a year before Gray found them—
No. Can’t think about Gray either.
Other than Tori, Ellis had known Gray the longest. Seven years. Tears burned Ellis’s eyes and they let their head fall back against the wall. I was the first one they saved. The first one. Now Gray was halfway across the region, completely unaware that they’d been taken at all. Unless Colleen sent them a message to brag. But no, that wasn’t possible. If Colleen knew where Gray was, she’d have sent people to wreck the north months ago. There was no way Colleen would know where Gray was. Unless one of us tells her under torture.
Ellis’s heart lifted for a moment. She doesn’t even know they’re still alive. She doesn’t know about Edrissa, either. They’re both safe. Colleen wouldn’t even think to ask.
Ellis’s hands curled into fists and they screamed into the cell, just to hear something besides silence. They didn’t fear torture, or punishment. They knew it was probably coming at some point, and their body rebelled against the thought, but their mind was awash with a slippery sort of apathy.
What they really feared was the isolation. Their hands trembled. I’m going to lose my shit. I’m going to be alone until she kills me.
They let their eyes close, their mind drifting from thought to thought. Where in the house am I? How often am I going to be fed? What time is it? How long is it going to take before I start hallucinating? Briefly, they hoped they would hallucinate their family. Honestly, why the fuck not?
They didn’t know where they were in the house, but they did know where they were in relation to the room they’d all been brought to last night. They’d memorized the route, forcing themselves to repeat it over and over and over in their head. Take a left, hallway turns to the right, pass three doors, go through the fourth on the left, go down the steps, first cell on the right. Not too complicated. All they’d have to do to get back to that first room was do it backwards. Not that there was any value in getting to that room, but it was something. It was the only information they had. It had to be important.
Not that they figured escape would happen, either. There was absolutely nothing they could use. They’d been thoroughly searched before being thrown into the cell and chained to the wall. The guards had taken their knife and the shoelaces from their shoes. Can’t have me trying to kill myself, Ellis thought with a vicious stab of hatred. God fucking forbid I escape that way.
But they had to focus on something. Had to… maybe not hope, but wait. Maybe an opportunity would present itself. Maybe it wouldn’t.
All Ellis wanted, all they really wanted, was to be back with their family. They wanted to be back with Finn, back with Isaac… they wanted to see Sam again, with their almost-annoying ray-of-sunshine soul. They could use a little sunshine now. They wanted to be around Tori, around Vera…
A dark cloud settled over their mind as they thought of Gavin. The others trusted him so much, even Isaac and Vera. The two people Ellis thought would never let him in. And yet, they were the ones who protected the family the most. They had more reason than anyone else to be suspicious of Gavin, and they trusted him. A tiny, nagging doubt scratched at the back of their mind. Maybe Gavin planned this whole thing. Maybe he sold us out to his mom. Maybe the whole thing, the whole thing, has been a trick from the beginning.
Their mind went to how Gavin had looked yesterday, bleeding, screaming as that fucking idiot Leo tortured him. Remembered the fucking brokenness on Gavin’s face as he gave away Isaac’s worst fear. There was no one on earth who could fake that. No one who was that dedicated to a lie.
It hadn’t even been Isaac’s worst fear.
Ellis knew Isaac’s worst fear just as well as anyone else in the family. They’d seen it as Isaac had unraveled, fallen apart and then slowly put himself back together again over the past few months. They’d seen the panic attacks, heard about the nightmares. They’d been there as Isaac had begged to the empty air not to be left, sobbing that he could be good. Ellis knew that Isaac’s worst fear was abandonment. And Gavin had somehow kept that to himself, despite the torture. As Leo’s knife had cut into him, he’d somehow found a way to spill Isaac’s secret, with the only other witness standing over him, and spill it in such a way that Leo might not even think about the fact that Gavin was wrong. There was no way Gavin could have done that if he’d betrayed them all. No way in hell. For a dizzying moment, Ellis thought, holy shit. He must care about us so fucking much.
Unless Gavin legitimately didn’t know that waterboarding isn’t technically Isaac’s worst fear. Could Gavin just have completely missed it, both during Isaac’s torture and during his recovery up north?
No. Gavin’s a dumbass, but even he isn’t that stupid. Gavin knew, and Gavin lied. And Gavin had screamed as Isaac was drowned right in front of him. Sobbed like his heart was being torn out.
Ellis let the image slide from their mind.
They weren’t sure how much longer they were left alone; it could have been minutes, or it could have been another hour. The door of the cell opened, and two guards walked in.
Behind them was Colleen, Mommy Dearest herself, queen of Colleen’s Fucking Crazy Castle. She stared down at Ellis with a smug grin spread across her face.
Ellis shot to their feet, grinding their teeth together. Their wrists pulled against the chains. They weren’t going to be able to break them, they’d tried for hours when they’d first been brought in. But in that moment, all they wanted was to tear the chains from the wall and beat Colleen to death with their bare hands.
“Afternoon, Ellis,” Colleen said, her voice twisting sinuously through Ellis’s ears. “How are you faring?”
“Suck my entire asshole, you vicious bitch, come over here and I’ll show you how I’m faring,” Ellis snarled.
Colleen let out a peal of delighted laughter. “Lord, you’re all so feisty! I enjoy this to no end. Such a fire in each of you. It’s like a new advertisement for anger management each time.” She gestured at Ellis. “Shut them up, please.”
Ellis leaned forward, a flush creeping up their neck and over their face. “Fuck you, you flaming piece of shit, I’ll take your whole fucking arm and tear it off your fucking body and shove it up your—”
They growled as a guard slapped his hand over Ellis’s mouth, reaching for the gag that hung around their neck. Ellis twisted their head and bit down hard on the guard’s hand.
The guard yelped and pulled their hand away from Ellis’s mouth. They slapped Ellis across the face with the other. Ellis staggered and lunged forward again, wincing at the pinch of the manacles on their wrists and not giving a single flying fuck. They shrieked as one guard grabbed them by the hair, the other shoving the gag back in their mouth. Both guards stepped away.
The bitten one shook out his hand, glaring at Ellis. “Fucking psycho,” he hissed at them. Ellis raised both hands as far as they could go and flipped the guards off.
Colleen laughed. “I could have warned you against that, Jones. I’d avoid going near any of their mouths. Apparently Vera’s habit of biting has spread to all of them.”
“Yes, ma’am,” the guard muttered, and stepped back against the wall with the other.
Ellis turned their glare on Colleen, wishing her head would burst into flames. I would die for the chance to kill you. Maybe that’s what they were hoping for. Not rescue, but the chance to kill Colleen Stormbeck.
Colleen smirked. “Something I love most about the gag is that…” She took a sauntering step closer. “…you’re left with nothing but your eyes. That’s the only thing you can use to tell me how much you hate me.” Her voice dropped to a low murmur. She took another step closer. Just out of range of a kick, or a headbutt. Standing there, calmly, grinning at Ellis with an open posture. If I wasn’t chained up, she wouldn’t be so fucking smug. She’d be fucking dead.
Colleen tilted her head at Ellis. “Do you know why I decided to keep you separated from the others?”
“No, I have no fucking idea. Let’s have a fucking conversation about it,” Ellis mocked through the gag.
Colleen huffed out an amused breath. “Cute.” She licked her lips, as if in anticipation. “I kept you separate from the others because… I can’t even imagine what losing your family for the second time must do to you.”
Ellis’s eyes fell closed for a fraction of a second but they opened them again, throwing a look of pure hate at Colleen. They forced down the tears that welled up in their eyes because there was no way, there was no fucking way they were going to show her how much this hurt. Colleen could burn in hell if she thought she was going to get a reaction from that. It hurts more than anything else in my entire fucking life.
Colleen’s lips quirked up. “Thought so. Although… just being separated from them… is that really just punishment for the one who kidnapped my nephew?”
A trickle of dread rolled down Ellis’s spine. No. No.
Colleen shrugged. “No. I mean… obviously we’re going to put you to work, I can’t just have you wasting away in this cell doing nothing. I have yet to decide what your assignment will be, but I’ll figure something out.” Colleen’s eyes locked on Ellis’s. “Although I won’t bother you much. You won’t see me again until I’ve killed another one.”
The air rushed out of Ellis’s chest like they’d been punched in the gut. Their eyes moved frantically over Colleen’s face, searching desperately for a sign she was lying: a shifting of her eyes, a twitch of her lip, a motion made just a little too quickly. They found nothing. Nothing but a cold, placid stare that betrayed nothing but truth.
Ellis cried out and fell to their knees. Who was it? Was it Isaac? Was it Vera? Did she kill her for killing those guards? Oh, god, oh god no, was it Sam? No… no, god, please no, they’re innocent, they didn’t do a fucking thing to Colleen… Tears streamed down their cheeks as their shoulders heaved with sobs.
“Wouldn’t you like to know which one I killed?” Colleen said, her voice smooth and dripping venom. Ellis looked up at her, their heart beating out of their chest, terrorized with their need to know, and wishing they could drown out Colleen’s voice so they wouldn’t have to hear which one of their team, their family, was lying lifeless somewhere.
Colleen’s face slid into a poisonous smile. She opened her mouth to speak and paused for just a moment. Relishing it. When she spoke, each word fell from her lips like a physical weight.
“Finn Dunham is dead.”
Ellis let out a scream. They sagged forward, gasping desperately around the gag, struggling to draw a breath as they wailed against the floor. They panted as they sobbed, trying to breathe around the tearing in their chest, trying to grasp the words that were echoing through their mind: Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead. Finn Dunham is dead.
NO. FINN’S NOT DEAD. THEY CAN’T BE DEAD. THEY CAN’T BE… NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Colleen smirked and turned to go.
Ellis dragged the gag out of their mouth. “SHOW ME THE FUCKING BODY,” they screamed.
Colleen paused and slowly turned around, her face twisted into an amused half-smile. “Excuse me?”
“SHOW ME THE BODY,” they sobbed. “I don’t… I don’t believe you.” THEY CAN’T BE DEAD, PLEASE, NO, FINN CAN’T BE DEAD.
Colleen scoffed. “When I’ve killed them all, I promise I’ll take you to them. That’ll probably be months from now, but once they’re all dead, I promise, I’ll take you to all of their bodies. You can take one last look before I put a bullet in your head and dump you all into the same grave. How sweet is that? You can all be together then.” Colleen grasped Ellis’s hair and dragged their head upright, her gaze moving over Ellis’s face as they wailed. “But until then,” she murmured, leaning towards Ellis, “That’s more goodbye than you deserve.”
She dropped Ellis’s head and turned on her heel. Ellis sagged forward, their forehead pressing to the floor as they buried their face in their hands and sobbed.
Continued here
@untilthepainstarts, @womping-grounds, @free-2bmee, @quirkykayleetam, @walkingchemicalfire, @inpainandsuffering, @redwingedwhump, @burtlederp, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @insomniacscoprio, @cursedscribbles, @whumpywhumper, @stxck-fxck, @omega-em-z-02, @whumps-the-word, @slaintetowhump, @finder-of-rings, @cinnamonflavoredhugs, @thatsthewhump, @im-just-here-for-the-whump, @orchidscript, @this-mightaswell-happen
#honor bound 2#whump#torture#captivity#psychological torture#isolation#collared and chained#ellis is always having a high-feelings day#dead family tw#thoughts of death tw#Ellis has a dark past#mention of suicidal ideations#gavin's redemption arc#panic attack#Colleen Stormbeck is her own content warning#Colleen Stormbeck is bananas#colleen stormbeck is a mean mean lady#Colleen's Crazy Castle#gendered slurs tw#biting#ableist slurs tw#death tw#death threats tw#my oc: Ellis
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Shattered Chains of Fate Ch.11
Silver and Steel
Ichigo holds his sword firmly, his eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. They’d separated. Ukitake stays behind, but Ichigo has no doubt that he’s just as powerful as the man in front of him.
Ichigo knows good and well that he can’t beat the both of them, but that won’t stop him from trying. Rukia still stands behind him, uncertain.
“I can see you’re determined,” hatman says. He changes his stance. “It’s unfortunate, but today my zanpakuto is feeling playful. She’s a bit picky, you understand, but you’ve gotten her interest.”
“Lucky me,” Ichigo says dryly.
That get’s the man to laugh.
“I’m Shunsui Kyoraku, the captain of squad eight, and you won’t find me so easy to pin as these young bucks here.”
“...are you aware that that sounds suspiciously like an innuendo,” Ichigo narrows his eyes at the man, Kyoraku, who looks startled but laughs a moment later.
“We’re going to have fun with you,” he predicts. There’s an undercurrent in his easy voice, something that is not quite malice but still not nice. Ichigo cocks his head.
“We’ll see.”
Kyoraku crosses his swords at the blade and changes his stance. The world seems to shift, just enough to set Ichigo’s teeth on edge. It’s a familiar sensation, one he’s missed in the past few months. He knows, as soon as this Katen Kyokotsu is released, what has been done.
They’re in a reality marble, or something akin to it.
Ichigo narrows his eyes. This is a man strong enough to warp reality itself to his whims.
“You have to know you can’t win,” Ukitake actually sounds gentle. “If you give up now, you and your friends won’t be hurt.”
“Until you execute us, you mean,” Ichigo shoots him a dark glare. He has the decency to wince.
Ichigo looks to the other man. Kyoraku, captain of the eighth. He’s a whole different kind of monster to Kenpachi. Not a claw in the throat but the shadows that lurked just out of reach.
“So. Shall we begin?”
“I suppose. However, I should explain now what it means for my Zanpakutou to want to play with you,” Kyoraku’s smile turns just a little bit sharper. “Katen Kyokotsu makes childrens games real.”
“... you’ve got to be fucking with me,” Ichigo can feel a twitch develop over his eye brow.
“Excuse me?” Kyoraku asks, cocking his head just so.
“No, no. See, I met a little girl who makes nursery rhymes real, and now you’re going to make a kids game real. That just. Yeah. That’s my life. Why the fuck not.” Ichigo shakes his head. “What game are we playing?”
Kyoraku looks intrigued by his admittance, but tells him all the same.
“Have you ever played Kagome Kagome?”
Ichigo was exasperated. “Which of us is the demon?”
Kyoraku started walking, clock wise, leaving a trail of copies behind him while shadows slithered up and locked around Ichigo’s eyes. He stiffened, but he knew how powers like these worked. Kyoraku was just as bound by the rules as he was.
The question was, now, what happened if he guess wrong? What damage would it do?
Kyoraku’s voice echoed around him. It circled him on all sides, front and back, left and right.
Kagome kagome
Kago no naka no tori wa
Itsu itsu deyaru
Yoake no ban ni
Tsuru to kame ga subetta.
Ushiro no shoumen daare
Kagome kagome, The bird is in the cage,
Ichigo tilts his head. The voice will be no help. This game is hardly fair.
When, oh when will it come out
In the night of dawn
On top of that, all of the space around them now feels distinctly like Kyoraku. The laugh on the wind, the shadow at his back, the scent of sake and, now, some type of bun. He can’t feel where Kyoraku is, and the song is coming to a close.
The crane and turtle slipped
Who is behind you now?
Ichigo swallows thickly. His instincts hum under his skin. He’s always trusted them. They’ve guided and protected him well for years.
And, according to the prickling along his arms, the greatest source of danger is to his right.
“A shadow,” Ichigo says with sudden certainty. “It’s one of the copies of you.”
He swings to the right, fast and hard, and feels flesh cave to the bite of Zangetsu.
It’s the last good blow he makes in the fight.
*
“So. What do you think is wrong with him?”
“Karin!” Yuzu frowns minutely at her sister from where she stands before the stove, a ladle in one hand. Sauce bubbles cheerfully in the pot in front of her,
“What? We both know there’s something weird about Ichigo. There’s been something weird about him since he got home. And now he’s even weirder. Does he really think we believe he’s our brother?”
“Karin!”
“What?” Karin is unrepentant. They both know. Ever since Ichigo came back he’s been weird. He’s up at all hours, he barely sleeps and he’s skittish as all hell. Karin has started walking louder to make sure he jumps less when she shows up in the room. Even their dad has started acting different and distant from Ichigo. On top of all that, Ichigo is more physically affectionate that she’s ever seen him in their lives.
“I’m pretty sure that the guy upstairs now isn’t even Ichigo. He’s a clone or something.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say!”
“But’s it’s true!” Karin insists. Yuzu falters, the irritated furrow in her brow easing. The spatula in her hand is brandished like a weapon until she sets it on the spoon holder beside the stove.
“But he looks just like Ichigo…”
“The one that came back from his trip is definitely Ichigo.” Traumatized, and Karin isn't’ an expert but is he supposed to be so traumatized from an explosion? Did he hit his head? Was it worse than he said? That sounds like Ichigo. “But the one we have now is definitely not our brother.”
“Karin… How is that possible?”
“Ghosts are possible,” Karin reminds her, ignoring the fact that Yuzu can’t see them. Still, Yuzu believes in them, more than Karin herself does. If she doesn’t acknowledge that they’re there they won’t bother her like they do her brother.
Yuzu bites her lip.
“Still… What do we say?”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything yet,” Karin admits. It’s too soon, and there’s too much weird stuff going on right now. She doesn’t trust that they’ll get the truth if they go after it without more facts to shuffle through whatever crap the adults try to feed them. They’re young, but they aren’t stupid, and Karin knows that they’re going to have to pull answers out like they pull teeth.
“Good,” Yuzu says with finality. Quieter, with a glance at the ceiling, she adds, “That Ichigo, even if he isn’t our Ichigo, he seems… lonely, Karin.”
Karin knows the look in her sisters eye. The one she gets with stray cats and the cast off friends that Ichigo brings home sometimes. It’s the look that lead to the entire year they’d spent devoted to guarding a single caterpillar in a jar until it was a butterfly. Yuzu is not the temperamental one, she isn’t the scraper, but there’s not doubt in Karin’s mind that she’s the real power in the household. When Yuzu puts her foot down that’s all there is to it.
“Then we just make him our,” she says with a roll of her shoulders. Simple as that.”
“Yeah!” Yuzu grins. “Oh! Did I tell you my doll is haunted?”
“... huh?”
* *
Shunsui Kyoraku is a dutiful man.
He does what is required of him, to serve his home and protect his friends. He always has, since he’d first felt the weight of the heavy black kosado on his shoulders. He is the second son of nobility, he was born to know duty . Even if he prefers to be lackadaisy, even if he bends the rules until they’re twisted knots, and lets events take their course, he will follow the orders Yamamoto gives directly.
He and Juushiro were some of his first students, and they are the only ones left from their class for a reason. He is perhaps one of only five who remain to remember the wolf that Yamamoto truly is, for all he falls to heel at the call of the Central 46 now under the guise of a loyal dog.
He has seen the fight it had been for Yamamoto to establish the shinigami in the first days of their existence, when the foundations of the world had been shaky and the throne had been empty. He had been there for the first quincy war, one thousand years ago, and then again for the second only two hundred prior.
That one had hardly been a war. It had been a slaughter, and he had raised his sword to it just as he had been told.
Now a child stands before him, desperate to save a girl who he can’t have known longer than a summer. She is one of Juushiro’s, one of his favorites in fact. He knows he’s been grooming her to be his next lieutenant for the last forty years, since even before Kaien’s death.
(Privately he thinks it should be the two of them trying to protect her, but they have seen Yamamoto incinerate men, they have witnessed his bankai first hand. If he presses the issue, what chance do they have? They have gone to the Central 46 as captains and nobles and been turned away both times, in spite of the ancient laws.)
This child, Shunsui thinks while he bleeds from his shoulder down to his sternum, is frightening.
He is young. He is human, he cannot be more than two decades old. But it is his eyes that are the most unnerving.
They are not the eyes of someone who knows defeat. They are the eyes of someone who knows that defeat means death. The eyes of someone who has not been beaten by the merits of his simple being alive right now. The fact that he stands before him, with Shunsui’s blood on his sword, is a testament to that fact.
It’s been a long time since someone had done so well in one of his games. They’re never in anyone else's favor, but now Kyokotsu laughs somewhere in the back of his mind, his swords thrum in his hands.
Truthfully, Shunsui would rather not kill this child. He would rather not kill any of the children in front of him.
He knows Juushiro feels the same way. Killing Rukia would be like killing a part of him, too.
They’ve both sent petitions to the Central 46. Both as captains and as noblemen, but none have been answered. It’s a violation of their own laws, but then the Ryoka had come and their investigation had been cut short.
According to Nanao, little Hitsugaya has taken over for them.
Kyokotsu switches games, and Shunsui sinks into the shadows.
The boy is good, for all he is young. He’s been well trained, he thinks on his feet. He fights like there’s something missing.
And that red ribbon on Rukia’s wrist. Her new clothes. It’s interesting.
Shunsui has never seen anything like it. It’s almost like a pseudo bankai, forcibly unlocked by the child in front of him.
Yes, frightening is really the right word for it.
The games change. Ichigo catches on quickly to each one, to the rules and the ways they are both bound by them.
He’s also accumulating more injuries. Cuts on his arms, his back, his chest. Kyokotsu is fond of the boy. It’s rather unfortunate, really.
Shunsui feels bad when he goes in for a hard attack, an emotion he ruthlessly crushes down. He can’t afford to be worried about an opponent in a battle.
Ichigo barely moves back. He’s not fast enough to completely dodge the blade the cuts into his shoulder, just shy of his throat.
Rukia screams, so does the boy from the forth and kid that looks like a shinigami but probably isn’t.
Blood erupts from the split in his skin, a deadly strike if a slow one. It won’t be a quick death. It might not be a death at all if he can, say, get seen by the fourth division member that’s not twenty feet away in the next ten minutes.
Shunsui is broken out of that idea when white overtakes red and it is no long blood that splatters out of the child's body, but a paste that looks awfully familiar.
What in the hell?
A half an answer comes a minute later, when a hand grasps Katen by the blade and yanks Shunsui forwards so Ichigo can try to cleave him in half.
Shunsui blocks with Kyokotsu. The boys reitsu has changed. It was once light and brilliant, a small sun in his young chest. Now it lashes out darkly, black and tinged with red. The eye that turns upon him doesn’t match the other.
One brown. One yellow, rimmed first in black and then in white.
A hollow eye.
It’s only the fact that rules of their current game mean that Shunsui can’t be cut anywhere where his clothes aren’t white, and the fact that his haori and kimono are already off to the side that save him from the brutal counter slash. The boy is fast, his movements vicious and harsh.
Shunsui separates from the attack. He can feel the wind and the faint crackle of lightning that gives away the presence of the oncoming storm that is Shihoin Yoruichi.
She crashes into the platform and knocks Ichigo unconscious with something that looks suspiciously like a very large baseball bat.
She stands before them, two of the old guard, surrounded by children. She cannot take them all, and Ichigo’s reiatsu is still dark and dank, an ocean of shadows that even Shunsui is weary to tread into.
Kyokotsu laughs softly. She wants to play with this boy. Katen inches forwards, her true nature flickering at the edge of his soul. Pure and holy, she wants to split the boy’s darkness with light.
Shunsui cannot allow it. He smothers her in the darkness of Kyokotsu and bids her sink further into his soul, a burden he still bears with grace and secrecy.
“The lost lady of the Shihoin,” Shunsui greets with a smile. “To what do we owe the pleasure of your return?”
Yoruichi doesn’t answer immediately, and her playful smile is tight around the edges. Shunsui remembers when she and her brother were still just children at their fathers knee. Yukihira hadn’t even been going grey in the temples when he’d died. It seems all Shihoin lived short, fast lives. They are quick shadows that burn away in the light. Disowned or not Yoruichi is now one of the oldest Shihoin on record.
“You certainly did a number on the boy,” she says instead of answering. Kisuke is involved with this, somehow, the mask is proof enough. Just what do they want with Rukia?
This changes things.
The banishment of half the upper echelons of the gotei 13 had never sat right with Shunsui. It was too much too fast, and Kisuke had never struck him as the type. Not to say Kisuke was a good man, but he certainly was not a good enough liar to fool someone like Shunsui for so long, or Shinji for that matter.
If there weren’t strict orders against it, he might have hunted them down in the living world and demanded answers himself. But Yamamoto had made it clear. No one was to launch any further investigations into the hollowfication incident.
(Now he wonders again ; why?)
“He did trounce little Bakuya over there pretty badly,” Shunsui points out.
“So he did. I’ll be taking him now,” she warns. Her body tenses, ready to flee. Shunsui steps forwards and swings lazily at her head.
He slices through open air and a few stray purple strands of hair.
She’s slower now than she was before, he notes, but still fast enough to flee his field of influence before he can cut her down.
Now all that’s left to do is see to the wounded, figure out what to do with their little turncoats, figure out what’s possessed their central government, find out why a child has been hollowfied, unlock the strange mysteries of Rukia’s new powers, and possibly get drunk.
Easy breezy.
An explosion sounds from where Yoruichi has run off to, and Shunsui figures his plans may have to change.
* * *
Kon paces the basement of Ichigo’s strange house in his borrowed body, wearing a trail in the cement floor.
He’s surrounded on all sides by the strange things that Ichigo keeps in here, the magical artifacts and tools that he’s accumulated.
Amongst all of them is the plain brown box that Kon had found on a table upstairs.
The weirdo from the dreams, Merlin , swears he gave it to Ichigo. Kon would normally call Bullshit but honestly? It’s Ichigo.
There’s just something about that kid that makes him feel like anything is possible. Even gifts from dream men who smell like too many flowers and don’t give straight answers.
Kon arranges the thick crystals on the markings carved carefully into the floor. He’d tried to make it look exactly like the picture in the book, but he wasn’t an artist. It didn’t matter. Ichigo’s body seemed to know what they were doing without him having to tell it. He could feel a strange power thrumming through his borrowed skin.
It sunk in from the world around him, filling up the empty spaces in the bone marrow, in the muscles, in the very pores of his body.
This vessel knows what to do, even if Kon doesn’t.
He sets one of the other items in the middle of the circle. There’s six crystals that shine incandescently on each corner of the design.
“Use the stones first,” Merlin had said, his lilac eyes curved with some hidden joke, “ You’ll need Ichigo to use the last bit.”
The last bit being a scrap of cloth that he’d left in the box. It was same shade as his hair, and tattered at the ends. Kon left it where it was and set in the center of the circle two more stones. One was a red crystal. The other was dull grey, and shaped like the head of a small serpent.
Everytime he touches them Kon feels his fingertips tingle with something .
Kon picks up a paring knife.
On Ichigo’s palm is a long scar, one that’s been opened over and over again. Now, Kon presses the blade to the same thin white line until it splits neatly under the sharp edge.
Red wells up. He barely feels it. Ichigo’s pain tolerance is insane.
He holds his fist out over the circle and let’s Ichigo’s body do as it apparently knows to. Blood drips into the careful lines he’s made and it spreads with a vermillion glow that crackles faintly.
“Let Silver and Steel be the Essence…”
* * * *
“Again,” Ichigo touches his forehead. It throbs horribly. “Why the hell does this keep happening to me?”
His groan of pain is met with silence. He can touch his forehead so he’s not tied up. And he can feel pain so presumably he’s not dead. That’s good. If he dies he can’t keep his promises.
On the other hand, if he was dead he probably wouldn’t feel like he was chewed up and spit out again.
When he finally peels his eyes open, he finds himself in the ‘inside’ again. Vertical buildings, and pieces of himself in the form of places he’s gone. The water at the street is a bit deeper.
Ichigo rubs his head and squints around him.
“Zangetsu?” he calls, looking around. The old man is nowhere to be seen. There’s something familiar about this entire situation. He can taste chalk and blood. His chest aches. What the hell is going on here?
“Zangetsu!” he yells louder. No response.
Fine then. Maybe if he focused on his zanpakuto? Zangetsu was the manifestation of it right? Or something.
Ichigo closed his eyes and reached out, taking a deep breath.
He focused on the feeling of his sword in his hand. The cool metal until sturdy wrappings. The wicked blade. The weight of the weapon. The comfort of Zangetsu against his back.
He closed his hands around something and opened his eyes.
And nearly had a heart attack.
“What the fuck!?”
Standing in front of him, no holding his hand, was him . If he’d been sent through a bottle of bleach. His eyes, the other him’s eyes (fuck this was confusing) were bright, luminescent gold. Where there should be white was instead black. When the other him grinned his teeth weren’t as sharp as Ichigo felt they should be.
“Hey there, Partner.”
Ichigo extracted his hand warily. “Who the fuck are you?” He asked bluntly.
A flicker in the corner of his eyes came from the side. His head snapped to the side to see Zangetsu, the old man.
“Zangetsu.”
Ichigo looked back at the other him. The one who spoke. His head throbbed. His chest ached.
“Huh?”
“Ichigo.”
“Yes, yes. Ichigo, Zangetsu, whatever,” he waved his hands impatiently. “What the ever loving fuck is going on here? Why am I here? I was just fighting and- Did I get stabbed?” Ichigo patted down his chest. There was no blood, and it didn’t hurt.
The other him scoffed. “Damn you’re dumb. Yeah ya got stabbed!”
“Don’t be rude,” Ichigo said absently. He lifted his shirt. There wasn’t even a scar on his chest. Just the same red circle that had rested on his chest since he’d been speared through. It felt like an eternity ago. The longer the wars went on the harder it was to keep track of everything and everyone. Sometimes he felt like he mixed up the order of operations. Did he go to London first? Or Oceanus? Fuck.
“ I’m rude!”
Ichigo has to jump to avoid being stabbed by the sword Zangetsu. Now wielded by the other him, and also reversed in color.
“You’re the one that made us wait that long before you heard us, asshole!”
“Huh?!” Ichigo ducked and dodged each slash. Finally, Zangetsu (the man) blocked Zangetsu (the sword (except they were technically both swords (and this was making Ichigo’s head ache))) to stop the fight.
“Ichigo,” Zangetsu intoned. “You were being beaten. Badly. We cannot allow this to continue.”
“Okay,” Ichigo says slowly. “So you suck me out of consciousness and throw me here while everyone else is back there? What about Rukia and Hanataro and Ganju!”
“What about them?” the Other Him. White Ichigo maybe? Shirogo? Espejo? Nieve? Speaks up. He leans on his sword, looping his arm casually over the bite under the curve of the blade. “Why do you think we give a shit about your friends?”
Ichigo scowls. “If I go down we all do.”
“Exactly,” says Zangetsu. “We all die if you do. If you lose. We cannot lose, it cannot be an option. So you must become stronger. You can hear my voice now. You can wield my blade. But there is power inside of you that you do not know. Prepare yourself, Ichigo. We will make you stronger now.”
“To gain that strength, you must fight. Take your sword back from yourself.”
“Huh?!”
He only has a second to duck a sword strike at his head. Neive (he’s going with that for now. Snow) comes at him with a wild grin and vicious intent. A berserker who swings Zangetsu by the ribbon like a demented yo yo.
There’s something weird going on here. Ichigo knows it. He knows there’s something not right about this. The whole thing feels too familiar.
He doesn’t have time to contemplate it before he comes back at Neive with the best counters he can manage whilst unarmed.
Zangetsu is calm and methodical. Ichigo can see in him the commander, the strategist and the pragmatist that he has had to be when war clawed at his throat and shadowed his footsteps.
Neive is wild and vicious. Ichigo sees in him the desperate strength he’s drawn out at the last seconds, the hail mary victories that he's ripped from the claws of defeat time and time again.
The careful planning of Zangetsu, the intricate steps of a dance of strategy, falls away in the face of Neive’s brute forced, deadly strikes. He aims to win, even if he has to cut himself-who-is-Ichigo down to do it. Ichigo’s blood sings with it.
Even though he steps away from death, even though if he’s just a hair too slow he’ll lose his head, Ichigo has to stop himself from tipping his head back and laughing. Fighting like this, he feels almost free.
Almost.
He steps in close, suddenly, regardless of the fact that Zangetsu-the-sword cuts into his shoulder from the sharp curved heel. Blood dots the blue beneath their feet and Ichigo catch’s Neive’s arm between his hands. With a vicious twist that threatens to break his arm he’s forced to let lose the sword. The ribbon keeps it stuck to his wrist, and Ichigo twists his body until he’s back to front to Neive. He grabs the swords hand and swings it around until it’s a hair breadth away from both of their throats.
“What the fuck?” Neive asks, too loud in his ear.
Ichigo shoots him a crooked smile. “You only said I had to take it back.”
Neive stares at him, the angle awkward and painful to his neck. Finally, his doppleganger relaxes and legs the ribbon slip free. He steps back, letting Ichigo hold the sword on his own.
“Well I’ll be damned. Not bad, boss.”
“Why are you so surprised,” Ichigo hoists the blade onto his bleeding shoulder. “Aren’t we all part of the same person? Me?”
“So we are,” something in Zangetsu’s voice doesn’t sound entirely pleased about that. “You’ve done well.”
“Yeah. Thanks,” Ichigo scowls at him. “There’s something wrong with the both of you, I want you to know.”
“By your own logic, there’s something wrong with you too,” Neive pointed out, far too cheerfully.
“Uh huh.” Ichigo rolls his eyes. “How was that supposed to make me stronger? It was a fight, I’ve been a million of them. “
Maybe more than that.
Zangetsu doesn’t answer right away.
Ichigo sits on the sideways building and motions the other him to do the same. Neive drops to his side, both of them criss cross and the blade long enough it covered both of their laps.
“Well?” he presses.
Zangetsu is not quite stoic enough for Ichigo to miss the way his mouth turns down and his shoulders draw together. He’s bracing himself for something.
“We are both… facets, of your power Ichigo. I needed to introduce you to him as well.”
“A simple hand shake wouldn’t do?” Ichigo scowled at him.
“We did shake hands,” Neive points out cheerfully.
“Not the point. Why the song and dance? Or are you all the drama in my soul too?”
Neive crows with laughter and slaps Ichigo hard on the back. Ichigo rocks with the force, hissing. His shoulder burns.
Zangetsu comes to crouch before him. He lays his hand on top of Ichigo’s shoulder and the pain eases minutely. The blood stops staining his shirt.
“What…?”
“I can stop your bleeding,” Zangetsu explains.
Ichigo nods, slowly. He remembers, faintly, injuries that weren’t as bad as they should have been, blood stains that were too small. Roman had commented on it once or twice.
“You’ve done it before, haven’t you?”
“Yes.”
Ichigo looks between the two of them. Their words ring through his head.
“How long have you been with me?”
Neive grins. Zangetsu looks at him solemnly.
“ Always , Ichigo.”
* * * * *
It’s over.
It’s over and they’ve won. The price was high (it’s higher every time and Ichigo dreads the day that one of them does not return to Chaldeas) but they snatched victory away with bloody hands and desperation.
They’ve won. Nero is not there to celebrate their victory. Karna has faded away. Arjuna had never really been one of them but Ichigo knows they owe him. Billy the Kid. Geronimo. Scathach herself. All gone.
And how many yet to go, before this bloody conflict is ended? This is one war won, and three yet to go. They’ve come more than halfway, but done so by the skin of their teeth.
What else can they do?
Run?
Hide?
Chaldeas is the only safe place and even that can’t last forever. Even if it could, Ichigo would never stand by, safe within the walls.
Ichigo looks down at the cracked tile of the Whitehouse and finds the tips of his shoes glittering. The war is over. It’s time to go.
“Ichigo?”
He looks to Kyo. His impassiveness is finally gone. His expression is open and horrified.
“It’s time for us to leave,” Ichigo says solemnly. It’s time for you to forget .
“No!” Kyo lunges for him, grabbing his hand, and for the first time Ichigo can see it clearly. His brown eyes, wide and open, his hand grasping desperately at Ichigo’s sleeve. One feeling sings through the touch.
Loneliness.
The lion that stalks in Kyo(in Sousuke) ’s shadow. The yawning the maw of solitude.
He’d broken past it, Ichigo realizes. Had dragged him off of that isolated pillar that Sousuke stood so precariously upon and brought him to stand on solid ground surrounded by heroes and rebels, emperors and goddesses. And Ichigo, just a human.
His throat tightens. What kind of place is seireitei that someone like Sousuke is so utterly alone?
“I don’t have a choice,” he says. He’s gone up to his knees and the light is rushing swiftly to his midsection. Eating him up. He can feel the familiar pull of ray shifting.
“Find me!” Sousuke grips his hand all the tighter. “Promise me. Find me in the future! Make me remember!”
Ichigo feels his hand start to dissolve in his grasp and does his best to hold on for a few seconds longer
“I’ll find you.” He vows
Light glitters, air rushes, and the last thing he sees is the crushing sorrow on Kyos face.
(Ichigo will not break his promise)
* * * * * *
#Ichigo Kurosaki#bleach fanfiction#BAMF!Ichigo Kurosaki#Ichigo Kurosaki is Ritsuka Fujimaru#gin ichimaru#bleach#bleach/fate grand order#Merlin Fate/Grand Order#kyo (SCoF)#sosuke aizen#shunsui kyoraku#juushiro ukitake#rukia kuchiki
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For the Girl in the Garden
now also on AO3!
Beau is already at the top of the building. The night before the Games begin, she can’t sleep. Maybe none of them can. But it’s Beau who goes prowling, silently, through the place that’s more than half prison.
She doesn’t expect the garden. Maybe Caduceus planted it--she thinks she recognizes some of the plants and trees from home. Not all of them--there’s one flower, illuminated by a skylight, that looks unsettlingly like a gunshot wound.
From here, the lights of the Capitol are filtered, fractured. Beau pads through the containers, a wire she hadn’t even known was there loosening in her chest. For the first time since the Reaping, she doesn’t feel like she is being watched.
She sees Jester from the cover of a blooming tree. There’s an open courtyard, near the edge of the roof, that’s bordered on all sides by silver wind chimes. The broad-shouldered girl is bent over something in her lap, her shoulder-length hair shining blue in the lights from the nearest skyscraper.
Beau thinks about leaving her there. She’s frozen, at first, by someone else’s presence in this place she’d thought was hers alone. Then, when Jester doesn’t even flinch--the wind chimes are ringing occasionally in the breeze--she could just leave.
And then Jester starts speaking. “Are you there?”
Beau freezes again, thinking she’s been spotted. But Jester only leans back and looks out through the bars of the balcony, revealing a book in her lap.
“I’m in a bit of a pickle, I think, Traveller.” She laughed a little. “I’m going to do my best, you know, tomorrow. I’m not going to let you or Mama down. But I’m just...I’m maybe a little worried. You’re here, right? You’re listening?”
There’s no answer. Jester sniffs, and laughs a very small laugh. The thing that gets to Beau is that it’s still soft, that laugh, not bitter at all, just...sad.
She doesn’t realize she’s made the decision to come out until the wind chimes are ringing around her, and Jester spins around with a gasp. Her brilliant smile falters a bit, when she sees Beau. Like she was really expecting someone called the Traveller to show up and rescue her from all of this.
Beau’d watched the Reapings. Jester was maybe the first Career she’d ever seen who wasn’t a volunteer, who wanted to be here as little as she did. Still, it’s one thing to hesitate when your name is called out of that big stupid lottery. It’s something else to have a smile like hope , the night before the Hunger Games.
“Hey,” she says, already regretting her decision. She crosses her arms, forces herself to walk over to the balcony and lean against it.
“I didn’t think anyone else was up here,” Jester wipes hurriedly at her eyes. She scrambles to her feet and stands there with the book clutched close to her chest, staring nervously at Beau.
“Yeah, I didn’t even know this place existed until now.” Beau turns to look out over the brilliant lights of the Capitol, leaning her elbows on the cold metal railing. “I think my mentor might have started it.”
“Caduceus?” Jester asks, like she knows him. “It makes sense. He’s really lonely when there’s no plants around.”
That does make Beau look over at her, because there are some things you just can’t learn from the televised appearances of past victors. Jester shrugs and comes over to lean on the balcony as well, book still wrapped tightly in her arms.
“I like talking to people. And a lot of victors stay at the Chateau, you know. When they’re visiting the District.”
“Huh.” Beau hadn’t thought of that. She’s barely even seen the other mentors, certainly hasn’t gotten to know them. Even Caduceus, who’s kind in his own way, is distant. And Beau gets it, sure. It’s been decades since District Twelve has had a victor--decades of watching kids die, up close and personal. But when he’s pretty much her only fucking chance of winning, she needs more than kind and distant . “Sounds like you know him pretty well.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jester shrugs again, and sighs. She turns to look back at the garden, the weird lights of the building across the street staining her skin blue. “I’m sure you guys are super tight. With all the strategies, and the planning, and that score you got, Beau!”
“Beauregard,” she says, sharply. The silence cuts across them like a knife--Beau wouldn’t have been surprised to find blood, from the sudden ache in her chest. But it’s so fucking easy to let Jester talk, to act like they’re friends . And there’s a good chance Jester is going to be dead by noon tomorrow. There’s a chance, not as good but still fucking there, that Beau will be the one to kill her.
So she lets the silence hang, and breathes through the stupid pain, because it’s better now than later.
Jester is looking at her. Beau can tell from the way the shadows cut across her face, the bright light of the outside and the dark of the garden. “Can I tell you a secret?” Jester says, and then goes on before Beau can answer. “I always hated the Games.” She really whispers it, leans so close that Beau can feel their shoulders press together. Beau’s still facing out, looking stubbornly at the blinding, maddening lights of the city that hates them. There’s something dangerously safe about the way they’re standing, Jester still looking at the garden but close enough that Beau can feel her breath.
The words still raise all the hairs on the back of her neck. Beau glances back, sees Jester watching her. Waiting.
“You can’t say shit like that,” Beau whispers back, too afraid to raise her voice. Jester smiles, and then she laughs , shockingly bright.
“It’s okay I already checked for bugs,” she says, looking back over the garden. “They do a lot of that in the Chateau too, you know. Carlos taught me how to find all the best little gadgets. But there weren’t any here even when I got here, so I knew it was safe.” She does a little dance, even, wiggling back and forth like a puppy looking for praise.
Beau can’t quite believe it--not just like that. It was fine for folks in the Seam to mutter in their shacks at night, but people like her father didn’t tolerate shit like that. It could affect his business relationships . Beau had learned from a very young age not to say what she was thinking, especially when it came to the Capitol.
“The Gamemakers will still get you,” Beau says, flatly. “You think it can’t get any worse? You’ve seen some of the shit they’ve pulled.”
“Beau,” Jester says, but she says it all weird, stretching it out and then dropping the end like a rock. “I really mean it, you can say whatever you want up here. It’s a little zone of truth, just for us.” Her voice gets all light and airy, barely perching on each word. She’s smiling again.
Beau scoffs, but she can’t fucking help but smile back. “Yeah, right.”
“Seriously, what’s one thing you’ve always wanted to say.” Jester swirls away from the balcony, and Beau turns to watch her dance across the courtyard, running one hand across the chimes as she goes. “Come on, Beau,” she says, raising her voice a little over the growing clamor. “IT’S OUR LAST NIGHT!”
“Fuck it!” Beau pushes off the railing, sticks her hand into the middle of a wind chime and yanks . “FUCK CEASER FLICKERMAN AND HIS CRAPPY HAIR!”
Jester laughs again, wilder, and shakes a whole pole so that every wind chime attached to it goes off. “FUCK THE REAPING AND EVERYONE WHO RIGS IT!”
“FUCK THE GAMES, AND FUCK THE CAPITOL!”
Even lost amidst the clamor of the bells, the words frighten Beau, and she goes still. Slowly, Jester stops her spinning, and the chimes start to fall silent. They come to rest standing in front of each other, half lit by the garish world around them. Somewhere out there, Capitol people are partying. Sponsors and Gamemakers are finalizing bets on their lives--her life. Beau is standing less than a foot away from Jester, and it feels like something has shaken loose inside her. Or maybe it’s the world that’s come apart, just a little bit. Her throat hurts.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she asks, and doesn’t wait for Jester to nod before she goes on, “I kissed a girl the day before the Reaping.”
Jester’s hands fly to her mouth, but she doesn’t look horrified. And Beau’s still talking, she can’t stop, something is broken and all her blood is leaking out.
“Her name was Tori. We were friends. She was like, my only friend. We’d get up to all sorts of shit--she was from the Seam, her mom was Ripper, we used to run hooch for...but none of that fucking matters. She had these gray eyes, like storm clouds.”
“Did you love her?” Jester squeaks out from between her fingers, and Beau laughs. It’s nothing but a single sharp bark, full of all the anger she can’t afford to feel.
“Maybe? How would I know? We were out back of her house, getting drunk on white liquor, and I...I kissed her.”
Jester is still mostly frozen, her eyes as big as plates, her hands still cupped over her mouth. Suddenly, Beau realizes what she’s doing, how stupid she’s being, and has to look away. She barely manages to stop herself from running, just walks really quickly back towards the roof access door. “Sorry, I. I’m sorry, that was dumb.” She wraps her arms around herself as if trying to contain a wound, a broken rib.
“It’s not dumb.” Jester puts a hand on her arm, and Beau stops. She doesn’t even flinch, though she does think about punching her. No one can see her like this. She feels a tear run down her cheek and hates herself for it.
“It’s not dumb, Beau.” Jester repeats, ducking into view. “I think it’s really beautiful.”
Beau laughs. It’s not even a laugh, really, just a disbelieving snort that got out of control. “I threw up like, an hour later. And then the fucking Reaping happened, so...not like either of us are going to do anything about it.” She takes a few deep breaths, but they keep hitching into sobs and she can not cry in front of this girl. “Anyway, I gotta. Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow.” She tries to smile, and even for her she knows the expression is ghastly.
“Yeah,” Jester says, the sadness creeping back into her smile. “Yeah, we’d better rest up. Good-night, Beau.” She curtsies before darting back to pick up her book, and Beau takes the opportunity to slip away. She doesn’t think, out of everything that’s happened tonight, that she can stand to say good-night.
#hunger games au#cr#critical role#beaujester#beauregard lionett#jester lavorre#this is the fic that made me make a series on AO3#its the only one that's 'proper' fic length
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How Love Hurts - Chapter 7.7 - by Alinda
Harry looks at Hermione. He doesn’t know what she wants him to say. That he’s happy or relieved probably. But he won’t, because he’s fucking not.
“So, I’m not allowed anywhere near this case, of course, being family of the victim and the person on trial. But Marion is a great prosecutor, she will make sure the truth comes out,” Hermione continues.
“That’s great, Hermione,” Draco answers her. “I’m sure the Ministry will inform us if we have to contribute in any way.”
Harry turns his head into Draco’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to contribute to anything. He just wants to get the all-clear from the healers, find a new place to live and take this second chance on life he’s been given. Well, technically his fourth chance. Maybe Scorpius is right and Harry is secretly a cat that has nine lives. So he will be able to escape dead another five times. Well in the rate he’s going he might even make it to a hundred years then.
“Harry, I thought you would be happy to hear that the Ministry is supporting you again. They even consider to up the charges to attempted murder and domestic abuse. That means that once this trial is over she will never be able to hurt anyone ever again.”
“Hermione, can we maybe talk about something else. Harry isn’t ready for this. Let just give him some time to adjust to the idea that the entire wizarding world is going to find out that his ex-wife almost killed him when he tried to settle some kind of visitation agreement for his children. You know how much he hates being the centre of attention.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just so angry at her. What she did, for who knows how long. And I didn’t even notice it. I’m really sorry Harry, me and Ron, we should have noticed something was wrong. You should have been able to tell us. And I’m really sorry you couldn’t.” Harry can hear that Hermione is upset, and he’s sure tears will be on her face when he looks up, but he can’t. Harry wants to disappear, so he just keeps his face hidden in the crook of Draco’s shoulder.
“He knows, Hermione. Just let him be, okay,” Draco tells her while his fingers stroke through Harry’s hair.
“Yes, off course. Did you already hear back from the healers about the latest tests? I’m sure both of you would like to go home by now.”
Home, wherever that is going to be. Harry still has to tell Draco that he sold Grimmauld Place. Draco said he would get Mila and Toby to clean it up, get it all ready for their return as soon as Harry can leave this stupid hospital. Whoever knew that spending two months in here would drive him crazy. At least it kept all the journalist at bay. Harry doesn’t need to know what they’ve been writing. Ron said it’s crazy to see how all the reporters that named Harry a young man with a midlife crisis that finally lost the plot when he left Ginny for Draco now call him the victim of an unjust society. Not a single word has gotten out about what really happened, the only thing that is public knowledge is that Ginny has been arrested for attacking Harry. And if it was up to Harry that would be all they ever find out. But with the trail coming that’s not going to happen. The entire world will hear about how their Saviour was just a scared man trapped in an abusive marriage that almost killed him.
“No, I hope they tell us something soon. The longer it takes the worse it’s going to be,” Draco says.
“It’s going to be fine, Draco,” Harry says while he sits up a little straighter. “I can walk all by myself to the toilet now, I’m sure they will all agree it’s time for me to get out of here. And when not, I’m going to hex everyone until they let me.”
“Harry, if they say you need to stay longer, you should really stay. What will your kids say if you drop dead at home because you got sick of staying at the hospital,” Hermione says.
Harry shakes his head and Draco lets out a short laugh. “Yes, Hermione, I know. And I will, I promised my kids I would listen to the healers and be a good patient for once. So here I am, being good and all. Doesn’t mean I want to stay here for another day,” Harry says.
“It would be nice to go home,” Draco says. “I’ve missed Grimmauld Place.”
Harry his hand moves up to the scar on his upper arm. He really needs to tell Draco, he knows he has to, but it will break his heart. He’s put just as much effort and time into fixing up that place as Harry had. And Harry just sold it without a second thought.
In that moment healer Johnson walks into the room. She has a smile on her face and tells them that Harry passed all the tests with flying colours. His heart is completely healed, no sign of any permanent damage. He’s free to recover further in his own home. Draco burst out in tears when they tell them and Harry hugs him close.
“I told you I was going to be fine,” he whispers into Draco’s ear.
“I know, you idiot. You have any idea how fucking lucky you are. Eighty-seven percent of victims with spell damage at the heart don’t survive past a week, and only fifteen percent of the people that don’t die have a full recovery. Most die within years after the damage is done.”
“Draco, I’m not going to die anytime soon, you hear me. I want to see my kids graduate, fall in love, get married, have kids. I want to see them make fun of me when my hair starts to turn grey, I want to see wrinkles start to form on your face because of how much I make you smile in the life we’re going to have.”
Draco nods and gives Harry a soft peck on his lips. They smile at each other for a moment until healer Johnson clears her throat.
When Harry looks back at healer Johnson and Hermione he doesn’t miss the small tear that Hermione whips from her face. Of course, she also knew the numbers and how big the change was that Harry would never fully recover.
“I need to go tell Ron, and... Well, everyone, I guess. I’ll floo Minerva so she can inform the kids at Hogwarts, I’m sure you want them to know as soon as possible,” Hermione says while she gets up from her chair. She already has her phone in her hands.
“Yes, go make sure everyone knows I’m good. I’ll write the kids later, have them hear it from me too, but floo Minerva anyway. The kids would be glad to know asap.”
Hermione nods and walks out of the room. Healer Johnson goes over the rules for Harry to go home. No heavy lifting, no running, and defiantly no flying. Harry has to take it easy. Healer Johnson tells him to let that man take care of you, and so on. Harry is fine with all of it, as long as he can just leave this hospital. The only thing they now have to do is figure out where to go.
When healer Johnson leaves the room, Harry knows he can’t keep it from Draco any longer. “There is something I need to tell you,” he starts. He looks Draco in the eyes and he hates how much he’s going to hurt him now. “We can’t go back to Grimmauld Place.” Tears start to form in Harry’s eyes when he sees the confusion on Draco’s face. “I’m so sorry, I know you loved that house just as much as I did.”
“Harry, shh, it’s okay. If you don’t want to live there anymore we can find a new place.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to live there anymore, I had to,” Harry hides his face in Draco’s shoulder again. He can’t say this and see the hurt on Draco’s face, knowing it was all for nothing in the end. “She made me sell the place, Draco. It’s not mine anymore.”
“Oh, Harry, I thought you knew. This is why you kept giving me those looks every time I mentioned the place. You think it’s not ours anymore. What do you think Hermione did the moment you decided to agree to sell it.”
“Draco, I don’t get it. I’ve sold it, the house belongs to someone else. Why aren’t you angry at me?”
“Because, Harry, look at me,” Draco lifts Harry’s chin so they can look each other in the eyes. “Because I’m the crazy person that put down all his money to buy the place. I even sold the Manor to afford it. That place is special to you, I wanted to make sure you could get it back when you realised what a mistake you made giving it up.”
“You sold the Manor to buy Grimmauld Place?” Harry can’t believe his ears. Draco is the one that bought the house. They can still go back and live there. Harry feels overwhelmed, he leans forward and kisses Draco. “I love you so much,” he cries against Draco’s lips. “Thank you for doing that for me.”
“When will you get it in that thick head of yours that I’ll do anything for you, Harry?”
“Maybe soon, it’s getting a bit hard to miss with all the sacrifices you’re willing to make to make sure I’m happy.”
They kiss again and Harry struggles to believe he’s really going home today, to the place that was made to give him his happily ever after.
Draco pulls away and fumbles with something in his pocket. “There’s another thing I’ve been wanting to ask you. Lily put this idea in my head, and after a talk with Hermione I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”
Harry looks at Draco, who suddenly looks nervous. “Draco, what are you doing?” he asks. Harry has an idea of what kind of idea Lily came up with. She’s a firm believer in happy ends for fairy tales. And most of them end with the princess marrying the prince.
“When my mother died, I inherited the Black family ring. I gave it to Astoria back then, but she never wore it. After her death, I found it in its box, next to a letter. Tori wrote to me, telling me I should one day give it to the man that will hold my heart in a way she never could. You’re that man, Harry. I love you so much. And almost losing you this Christmas, made me realise I don’t want to live without you. So what I’m really trying to say is,” Draco pauses to pull a golden ring from his pocket, “fuck I should be on my knees for this shouldn’t I?”
“No, you don’t, just ask me the fucking question so I can say yes,” Harry says. His heart is beating like crazy and he’s glad Johnson just told him it’s all healed up.
Draco takes Harry’s hand in his and their eyes lock onto each other. “Harry James Potter, will you marry me?” Draco asks. Harry utters a yes and then his lips are on Draco’s. He’s going to marry him, the love of his life. Someday soon he’ll be able to call him his husband. And Harry can’t wait to find out what married life is like when you are truly in love, he’s sure it’s going to be amazing.
#HowLoveHurts#drarry#Harry Potter#Draco Malfoy#harry in hospital#12 grimmauld place#wedding proposal#AlindasStories
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Breaking Point Pt.3
Stray Kids AU: 10th member
Tori x Stray Kids
Tori and Chan hit a point that they never wanted to hit. (Part 3)
A/N: Better than the first part? *evil laugh*
Requests are Open! Submit them! I need them!
Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!
“You’re seriously not going to talk to him?” Felix asked Tori as they headed to the studio for practice.
Tori glanced over her shoulder, where Chan was walking silently next to Woojin. It has been three days since their fight, and Tori had yet to say a word to him.
On the boys part, they were trying not to take sides. They were all still talking to Chan and encouraging them to talk to each other.
But it wasn’t hard to notice how Felix would casually take Tori out of the room if Chan walked in. Or if they got in the elevator, Hyunjin would stand between them.
Though the frustration was affecting everyone, Jeongin was the only one who seemed to a have fully picked a side. He’d even taken to standing outside the bathroom when Tori was brushing her teeth, in case Chan tried to talk to her.
They all wanted this fight to end. But they didn’t want to risk it getting any worse.
Though how it could get worse they didn’t know. Chan was barely speaking, just doing his normal leader stuff. Occasionally he would force a laugh, but there was no joy in it. Tori was barely talking at all. She’d thrown herself into practices, going into her room the second they got home and sleeping until it was time for the next practice. Tori had never been a very good liar, and instead of putting on a front like Chan was trying to do she was just staying quiet.
“No. I’m not.” She said to Felix.
“That’s it? No explanation, nothing?” He demanded.
“I don’t need to explain, Lix. You heard what he said.”
“I know.” Felix rubbed her arm. “And it was so wrong, and so stupid and the jerkiest thing he’s ever done. But you need to let him apologize.”
“I tried. He made it worse.”
Felix opened his mouth to continue.
“We’re here.” She stepped through the door of the building. “Practice time.”
They met their choreographer in the studio, stripping into their gym clothes and starting to practice immediately. No one outside of the group, other than Dino, knew what was going on, but even the choreographer could tell that they were in the mood to practice and do nothing else.
Tori shook her head and tried to clear her mind. There was too much going on in her head, but this, this she knew how to do.
It was as if Chan and Tori were having completely different reactions. Chan was doing the choreography perfectly, but with zero energy. Tori, on the other hand, had never danced better. She put everything into every single run-through, to the point where she was dripping with sweat by the lunch break.
A staff member arrived with a tray of wrapped sandwiches, which Tori took from her. She handed them out as the boys took seats around the room. She walked up to Chan, dropping the sandwich unceremoniously in his lap.
“You going to talk to me yet?” He said quietly.
The room went quiet as the boys held their breath.
Tori looked Chan in the eyes. He was looking up at her, eyes wide as he waited for her answer.
“Depends.” She said, her voice cold. “You still regret putting me in the group?”
“Tor, you know that’s not-”
“No. Actually. I don’t know.” She turned away from him, grabbing her sandwich off the tray. “I’m going to eat outside.”
“But it’s-” The door closed behind her. “Cold.” Jisung finished.
Chan clenched his jaw and pushed himself to his feet, moving to follow her.
Woojin had never moved so fast in his life, blocking the door before Chan could get to it. “What are you doing?”
“We need to talk.” Chan insisted.
“And what are you going to say?” Woojin demanded.
“I don’t know. Apologize?”
“Yeah, cuz that went well last time.” Minho rolled his eyes. “You seriously expect her to forgive you this fast?”
“We’re family.” Chan said quietly.
“Funny.” Seungmin tilted his head. “I don’t remember my family ever telling me that they regretted my existence.”
“That is not what you said.”
“Emmm, pretty close though.” Felix frowned.
“Let him go.” Hyunjin sighed.
“What? No! He’ll make it worse!” Jeongin protested.
“It’s Tori.” Hyunjin reasoned. “She can handle herself. And it is cold. Bring her a sweater or something.”
“Please don’t mess this up.” Changbin begged.
“How can I-” Chan thought for a moment. “So what do I do? If I’m not allowed to apologize.”
“You talk. You let her talk. And you realize what a jerk you were being.” Minho offered.
Chan grabbed Tori’s jacket off of the bench, slipping past Woojin and hurrying down the fire escape.
It was freezing outside, but he found Tori exactly where he’d thought she would be, sitting on the railing at the bottom of the fire escape in the alley behind the building.
“It’s freezing!” He shouted, mentally face-palming. Great opener that was.
Tori looked up and grimaced. “Go away.”
“No.” He started climbing down the stairs.
“Take a fucking hint, Chan. You think I stormed away because I couldn’t wait to talk to you?”
“Don’t swear.” He said out of habit.
Tori looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “You really think you’re in any position to tell me what to do?”
Chan finally reached her, walking up next to the railing. She’d pulled off the tomatoes from her sandwich and tossed them on the pavement below, and was picking off pieces of the sandwich.
“No.” He admitted. “But I need to talk to you.”
“Give me the jacket.” She grabbed it from him without turning. Instead of putting it on, she just layed it across her lap. “Why aren’t you talking?”
“Oh. Right now?”
“You think I have the patience to listen to you for longer than I have to?”
“Can you at least act like you’re willing to listen.”
“Nope.” She tossed a piece of bread on the ground. “Talk. Or go inside.”
He leaned against the railing, flinching at the cold metal. How Tori was managing to sit on it in leggings and a sports bra was beyond him.
“Don’t think about how cold I am, talk.” Tori glared at him. “I don’t need your mothering.”
Chan bowed his head, realizing that he had no idea what he was going to say. They’d never really seen Tori angry like this before.
And it was his fault.
“I know that I-”
Tori spun, swinging her legs over the railing and standing in one fluid motion so she was eye-to-eye with him. “Don’t say that you shouldn’t have said that. You know I’m not mad because you said the words.”
“I was mad, Tor. I was stupid. I shouldn’t have...well, I shouldn’t have said them.”
Tori snorted.
“What else do you want me to say?” Chan exclaimed. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not mad because you said it, Christopher.” Tori glared at him. “I’m mad because you thought it. Because those words were dancing around inside your head and you knew, you knew how much it would hurt me. To hear that you think I would ever leave this group, that I was ever anything less than 100% invested in this.”
“I said them because I knew they would hurt you.” He replied.
Tori shook her head. “Good recovery.” She turned to go back up the stairs.
“Wait.” Chan moved in front of her, blocking her from leaving. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Great, now you’re cornering me in an alley. Have you completely lost your mind?” She demanded.
“I said lies, Tori. I said lies that I knew would hurt you because I was upset. Because I was stressed and frustrated and scared.”
“Why on earth were you scared?” She looked skeptical.
“Because you’re...you hang out with Zoey, and Dino, and other people that aren’t us.”
“You aren’t my keeper, Chan, I can have other friends.”
“I know...but, urgh. Can you just listen, please?”
“How about you listen for once?” Tori whirled on him. “Put yourself in my shoes for a second. I have no family in this country, I fought to be apart of this family because you chose me. And when I try to have other friends, the one person in this whole fucking world who is supposed to always have my back, who I thought always had faith in me, tells me he regrets letting me join the group.” She took a deep breath. “You can see where I’d be mad.”
“You’re allowed to be mad.”
“Damn right, I am.” Tori ducked under his arm and moved up a few stairs. “I’m sorry, Chan, but you aren’t going to fix this in a few days. You really hurt me.”
“Tori,” He grabbed her hand as she tried to turn away. “I’m an idiot. I promise that those words mean nothing. I picked you because you belong in this group, you don’t need to prove it, to me or anyone. I’m sorry I let you down.”
Tori gave a small nod. “Noted. But not forgiven.”
“Could I be? Forgiven?” He looked at her desperately.
“I don’t know.” She said honestly. “I’m not really sure what happens from here. We have a comeback in two days. We focus on that. Whatever....whatever anger is left after that we can deal with.”
“You can’t just expect me to ignore this.” Chan protested. “I don’t like it when you’re mad at me!”
Tori took another breath, steeling herself. Sometimes, sometimes she needed to learn how to stand her ground.
“I wish I could just forgive you. But I can’t. So accept it. Right now, I’m mad.”
“How do I make this better?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Tori pulled away and hurried up the fire escape.
#stray kids#stray kids imagines#stray kids au#stray kids reactions#stray kids ships#stray kids 10th member#female!kpop#female member kpop#bang chan#chan#lee felix#felix#lee know#lee minho#i.n.#jeongin#han#han jisung#woojin#seungmin#changbin#hyunjin#requests open#au#kpop#imagines#imagine#kpop imagines#kpop imagine#kpop au
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HOW HUMANS ARE HAVING THEIR LIVES RUINED BY KARKAT VANTAS
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ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE BASICS OF CAPITALISM FROM A WORKING CLASS AMERICAN. I WANT TO START OUT BY SAYING I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EUROPE, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, OR ANY OTHER “FIRST-WORLD” COUNTRIES. I DON’T KNOW WHO TORIES ARE AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT EMMANUEL MACRON. FOREIGN AFFAIRS ARE NOT MY CUP OF TEA THANKS. I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH DOMESTIC POLITICS. ALSO DON’T GET ON MY ASS ABOUT CALLING IT AMERICA INSTEAD OF THE U.S.A., CANADIANS DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE AMERICANS AND IF THEY DO THEY’RE MORONS FOR REASONS THAT WILL BECOME CLEAR AS YOU READ ON.
YOU KNOW HOW IN A NORMAL SOCIETY, TRADE IS DRIVEN BY RESOURCES AND PRICES ARE DETERMINED BY THE AVAILABILITY, COMPLEXITY, AND DIFFICULTY IN PRODUCTION OF A PRODUCT? SO IMAGINE YOUR COUNTRY GETS ENOUGH MONEY, POWER, AND SHEER BLIND DEVOTION FROM ITS CITIZENS TO THROW ALL THAT IN THE GARBAGE, AND THEN IMAGINE THAT EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES AT A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL, WHILE REMAINING WITHIN THE CURRENT SYSTEM, IS OWNED BY SOMEONE WHO BENEFITS EGREGIOUSLY FROM EVERYTHING STAYING THE SAME, AND EVEN MORE EGREGIOUSLY FROM THINGS BECOMING WORSE. NOW IMAGINE THAT WHEN I SAID “SOMEONE” I MEANT “ONE OF MAYBE FIFTEEN MEGA-CORPORATIONS THAT OWNS EVERY OTHER BUSINESS IN THE COUNTRY,” AND WHEN I SAY “EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES...” I MEAN POLITICIANS WE ELECT TO PRETEND TO REPRESENT OUR INTERESTS WHO HAVE IN REALITY BEEN BOUGHT OUT BY CORPORATE INTERESTS AND RISK LOSING THEIR JOBS IF THEY MAKE LAWS THAT THREATEN THOSE CORPORATE INTERESTS’ BOTTOM LINES. BASICALLY, WE INVESTED ALL OUR POWER INTO PRIVATELY OWNED MONEY SINKS AND FORGOT TO CARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER, LIKE THE ACTUAL CITIZENS? OKAY THIS IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME, WE MIGHT HAVE TO START FROM THE BASICS.
I DON’T KNOW HOW YOUR SOCIETY WORKS, BUT IN OURS, YOU START OUT AS A LITTLE BABY. AS SOON AS YOU’RE PHYSIOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF EXISTING FOR CONSECUTIVE HOURS WITHOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED YOU, THEY SHOVE YOU IN A CLASSROOM AND START FEEDING YOU A MIXTURE OF COLONIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, PHILOSOPHICAL, AND POLITICAL PROPAGANDA. THAT’S ALSO WHERE THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO SOCIALIZE WITH KIDS YOUR AGE AND SHIT. FOR SOME KIDS IT’S THE *ONLY* PLACE THEY CAN LEARN TO SOCIALIZE, BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, ABSENT, OR PROTECTIVE TO BRING YOU OUT TO INTERACT WITH PEERS. EITHER WAY, THIS IS WHERE KIDS FORM THEIR CONCEPTS OF BOTH PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SOCIAL CONTRACTS. THE TRAUMA OF RACIAL AND GENDER PROFILING IS NASCENT HERE, BUT OH BOY IT INTERNALIZES QUICKLY. (MORE ON HOW PEOPLE OF COLOR, THE WAR ON DRUGS, AND PROFIT ARE ALL LINKED LATER ON, OR MAYBE JUST LOOK UP A VIDEO ESSAY ON IT IDK.)
IT’S PRETTY MUCH THIRTEEN YEARS OF THIS SAME SHIT, ESPECIALLY THE PROPAGANDA BIT. KIDS GROW UP BEING INDOCTRINATED WITH THIS COMPLETELY WHITEWASHED VERSION OF REALITY, BELIEVING CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS* IS THE SHIT AND CAPITALISM IS THE ONLY EFFICIENT MODEL FOR MODERN SOCIETY. THEY’RE USUALLY TAUGHT ALL ABOUT WORLD WARS I AND II, THE VIETNAM WAR, THE COLD WAR, AND THE SPACE RACE, WHICH (BY UNEQUIVOCALLY POSING AMERICANS AS THE GOOD GUYS AND THE SOVIETS AND CHINESE AS THE BAD GUYS, CEMENTS THE CONCEPT THAT CAPITALISM INHERENTLY RULES AND COMMUNISM INHERENTLY FAILS) FURTHER INDOCTRINATES KIDS. IF YOU’RE REALLY AN ALIEN I DOUBT YOU’VE SEEN THIS IMAGE, BUT EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN EARTHLING HAS:
THIS GUY IS NAMED UNCLE SAM, HE’S BASICALLY AMERICA’S FURSONA. HE EXISTS TO PRESSURE YOU INTO SIGNING UP TO FIGHT IN A WAR. HE WAS USED A LOT IN THOSE WARS I TALKED ABOUT UP THERE, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST THREE. HE’S NOT AROUND SO MUCH ANY MORE BUT THE GENERAL SENTIMENT IS. HERE’S HOW.
WHEN YOU GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, THE LAST “REQUIRED” STAGE OF SCHOOL, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MOVE OUT AND GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF. BUT NOWADAYS, IF YOU WANT A JOB THAT PAYS FOR YOUR HEALTH CARE, LETS YOU STAY HOME WHEN YOU GET SICK, GIVES YOU DAYS OFF TO GO TO FAMILY EVENTS SUCH AS WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND OTHER UNIMPORTANT DRIVEL THAT DOESN’T MAKE CEOS MONEY, YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU’D BETTER GET A COLLEGE DEGREE. HAVING A DEGREE IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU CAN GUARANTEE THAT YOU MAKE MORE MONEY. THAT ALL SOUNDS FINE AND DANDY, EXCEPT NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY SOME INDUSTRIAL-SCALE LOAN SHARK MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER HAVE IN YOUR 401(K) TO LET YOU GET YOUR HIGHER EDUCATION. A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP OWING UPWARDS OF FIFTY GRAND TO A PRIVATELY OWNED LOAN AGENCY BY THE TIME THEY’RE TWENTY-ONE, BECAUSE AS FRESH ADULTS THEY WERE TOLD THEY WOULDN’T GET A WORTHWHILE JOB UNLESS THEY HAD A DEGREE. BUT HERE’S THE THING: A LOT OF TIMES, JOBS LIKE THAT WON’T EVEN HIRE YOU UNLESS YOU HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE NOW! THAT’S ANOTHER TWO YEARS OF CLASSES AND ANOTHER HUGE CHUNK OF MONEY YOU NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH.
OF COURSE THERE ARE LESS EXPENSIVE OPTIONS, LIKE TRADE SCHOOL AND COMMUNITY COLLEGE. BUT REMEMBER THE PROPAGANDA I MENTIONED? IT’S SO PERVASIVE, A LOT OF YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T EVEN CONSIDER TRADE SCHOOL AN OPTION NOW, BECAUSE WE CULTURALLY VALUE THE “INTELLECTUAL” JOBS—DOCTOR, LAWYER, ENGINEER, ACCOUNTANT, BUSINESSMAN—WHICH ARE STRANGELY ALSO THE CAREER PATHS THAT REQUIRE THE MOST INVESTMENT OF TIME AND MONEY! NOW IF YOU DECIDE TO BE LIKE ME AND GET A JOB RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE THE EDUCATION INDUSTRY IS A PUTRID WASTELAND, YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY LOOKED DOWN UPON. A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE WHO ARE PURSUING LESS LUCRATIVE CAREERS THAT INTEREST THEM***, INSTEAD OF THE BIG MONEY JOBS, ARE DISPARAGINGLY ASKED IF THEY WANT TO “END UP WORKING AT MCDONALDS.” I DON’T PERSONALLY WORK AT MCDONALDS BUT THIS SHIT STILL OFFENDS ME. BUT THEN AGAIN I’M A MILLENNIAL SNOWFLAKE SO WHAT DO I KNOW.
ACADEMIA HAS A LOT OF ITS OWN PROBLEMS BUT I’VE ONLY HEARD THOSE SECONDHAND, SO LET’S LEAVE THAT HELLSCAPE TO ITS ELITISM AND STAY WITHIN THE BLUE-COLLAR SUBCLASS. COMMON PARLANCE WILL REFER TO THREE MAJOR CLASSES: THE LOWER CLASS (DIPLOMATICALLY CALLED THE “WORKING CLASS”, HA FUCKING HA!), THE MIDDLE CLASS (WHICH THEORETICALLY MAKES UP THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION), AND THE UPPER CLASS (FUCK THOSE GUYS BUT WE’LL GET AROUND TO THAT LATER.) THIS MODEL IS PRETTY MUCH JUST DESIGNED TO CREATE TENSION WITHIN THE PROLETARIAT, BUT HANG ON A SECOND, I JUST REMEMBERED YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PROLETARIAT IS YET.
SO BASICALLY, THERE’S NOT THAT MUCH DEFINABLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE “MIDDLE CLASS” AND THE “WORKING CLASS.” WHEN YOU THINK OF WORKING CLASS, COLLOQUIALLY, YOU THINK OF THOSE LOSERS THAT WORK IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY OR DRIVE TAXIS OR (AND THIS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO SOME PEOPLE) HAVE NO JOB AT ALL. THE MIDDLE CLASS IS MORE LIKE TEACHERS AND MIDDLE MANAGERS AND GUYS THAT BUILD SOFTWARE REMOTELY FOR MICROSOFT. REALLY THOUGH, THERE’S NO WAY TO DRAW A DEFINITIVE LINE BETWEEN THESE PEOPLE. THE BEST WAY TO DEFINE CLASS IN AMERICA, (AND ALSO APPARENTLY GERMANY, AT LEAST IN THE 19TH CENTURY,) IS TO SEPARATE THOSE WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND THOSE WHO OWN THE GOODS THAT ARE PRODUCED. THERE IS NO “MIDDLE CLASS”, THAT’S JUST A MEANINGLESS THING TO STRIVE FOR BASED ON WHAT WHITE FAMILIES IN SITCOMS LOOK AND ACT LIKE.
WORKERS WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND SERVICES ARE THE BACKBONE OF SOCIETY AND THEY’RE CALLED THE PROLETARIAT. THEY ARE SERVICE WORKERS AND JANITORS AND TAXI DRIVERS AND HOTEL VALETS, BUT THEY ARE ALSO ELECTRICIANS AND PLUMBERS AND MECHANICS, AND THEY ARE LAWYERS AND DOCTORS AND PROFESSORS, AND THEY ARE YOUTUBERS AND INFLUENCERS AND SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERS. THE PROLETARIAT IS ANYONE WHO MAKES MONEY BY SELLING THEIR LABOR. THEY CAN BE CONTRACTORS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO INDEPENDENT BUYERS, OR FREELANCERS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO MULTIPLE LARGER BUSINESSES, BUT MOST OF THE PROLETARIAT IS DIRECTLY EMPLOYED BY SOME KIND OF COMPANY OWNED BY A MEMBER OF THE BOURGEOISIE.
THE BOURGEOISIE IS KIND OF A MEME AT THIS POINT BUT THEIR IMPACT ON THE WAY WE LIVE IS FUCKING INESCAPABLE. THEY’RE PEOPLE WHO *BUY* OUR LABOR, ACCRUE CAPITAL BY SITTING ON THEIR (SOMETIMES LITERAL!!!) THRONES, OWNING COMPANIES AND PEOPLE, SOMETIMES BEING A PUBLIC FIGURE (LIKE ELON MUSK) WHO RAKES IN ADORATION FROM HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MINDLESS TWITTER DRONES WHO STILL BELIEVE IN CLASS MOBILITY****, OR SOMETIMES BEING A SHADOWY FIGURE IN THE BACKGROUND (LIKE THE KOCH BROTHERS) WHO JUST PASSIVELY RAKE IN THE BENEFITS OF OUR HARD WORK AND CAN’T BE ASSASSINATED BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE THEM IF THEY WERE SEEN AT KROGER. THEY ARE USUALLY BORN WEALTHY, BUT VERY RARELY THEY CAN USE THEIR CHARISMA, INTELLIGENCE, SOCIAL CONNECTIONS, AND INTRINSIC PRIVILEGE AS A WHITE PERSON TO YANK THEMSELVES UP FROM THE PROLETARIAT (READ MY CLASS MOBILITY NOTE FOR MORE!!!)
SO THE RESULT OF THIS CLASS DIVISION IS AS FOLLOWS:
THE PROLETARIAT NEVER EARNS THE ACTUAL VALUE OF THEIR LABOR. A “SMALL” CHUNK IS ALWAYS TAKEN OUT FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP, WHO “RUN” THE COMPANY (BUT REALLY THEIR JOB IS USUALLY TO EAT FANCY LUNCH AND TELL RACIST GOLF JOKES TO RICH INVESTORS). IN FACT, WAGES ARE USUALLY ENTIRELY DISSOCIATED FROM THE ACTUAL PROFIT THE COMPANY MAKES. FOR A BUSINESS TO BE PROFITABLE, IT HAS TO PAY THE EMPLOYEES IT RELIES ON LESS THAN WHAT THEY BRING TO THE TABLE, WHICH MEANS MOST COMPANIES ESTABLISH A BASE WAGE THAT’S EITHER EXACTLY THE STATE’S MINIMUM WAGE OR A COUPLE CENTS HIGHER TO COMPETE. THEY LITERALLY PAY THE LEAST THEY LEGALLY CAN. SOMETIMES *LESS*.
YOUR JOB IS EXPECTED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. EXHAUSTED AFTER YOUR FORTY, FIFTY, OR SIXTY HOUR WORK WEEK? THAT’S JUST NORMAL, THEY’RE NOT SQUEEZING THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF LABOR OUT OF YOU THAT THEY CAN WITHOUT KILLING YOU! WANT TO TAKE A FEW DAYS OFF TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR WIFE AFTER SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR INFANT CHILD? SORRY, YOU’RE OUT OF SICK DAYS. MISSED THE BUS AND THERE’S NOT ANOTHER ONE FOR AN HOUR? IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT HAVING A CAR OR SPENDING FIFTY BUCKS ON AN UBER. TRYING TO GO TO YOUR FIFTH FAMILY FUNERAL BECAUSE ALL YOUR RELATIVES ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES AFTER A HARD SIXTY YEARS OF LABOR? OOH, SORRY, YOU ONLY GET FOUR FUNERAL DAYS A YEAR! NEED TO GET ANOTHER JOB BECAUSE YOUR CURRENT ONE DOESN’T PAY ENOUGH? WELL, YOU FORGOT TO DISCLOSE IT TO YOUR BOSS AND THEY FIRED YOU FOR TWO-TIMING THEM! A JOB IS MORE OF A COMMITMENT THAN A SPOUSE, AND IF YOU HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES, YOU WON’T LAST LONG.
BECAUSE THE BOURGEOISIE OWNS SERVICES THAT SHOULD BE PROVIDED BY THE GOVERNMENT, LIKE HEALTHCARE, HOME AND AUTO INSURANCE, A LOT OF HIGHER EDUCATION ESTABLISHMENTS, CREDIT BUREAUS, LOAN COMPANIES, AND HOSPITALS, PROFIT IS THE MOTIVE THERE TOO! WHICH MEANS IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF INSURANCE, NEED TO BUY A HOUSE OR A CAR, WANT OR NEED AN EDUCATION, ARE CHRONICALLY ILL, OR JUST EXIST ON A GENERAL BASIS, COMPANIES ARE RIPPING YOU OFF. YOU ARE BASICALLY PAYING THOUSANDS A MONTH FOR THE CHANCE TO GET *SOME* OF YOUR MASSIVE HOSPITAL BILL COVERED IF YOU GET IN AN ACCIDENT. THIS ONE IS NEAR AND DEAR TO ME. FOR UNIMPORTANT REASONS, I MANAGE TO RACK UP A LOT OF DEBT EVERY YEAR GOING TO HOSPITALS AND URGENT CARE, CALLING AMBULANCES, PAYING FOR MEDICATION THAT DOESN’T WORK. DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE CHARGED NIGHTLY TO STAY IN HOSPITALS LIKE THEY’RE GODDAMN HOTELS? LIKE IT’S A FUCKING VACATION? AND DID YOU KNOW THE BILLING DEPARTMENTS OF EACH OF THESE PRIVATELY OWNED ESTABLISHMENTS IS MADE UP OF UNDERPAID, OVERSTRESSED MEMBERS OF THE PROLETARIAT WHOSE JOB IS TO FUCK UP YOUR BILL SO YOU OWE MORE THAN YOUR VISIT ACTUALLY COST?
MEDICAL FACILITIES ARE ALSO PUSHED TO SELL OVERPRICED DRUGS THAT DON’T WORK TO PEOPLE. HEADS UP, GUYS, BUT ANTIBIOTICS DON’T WORK AGAINST VIRAL INFECTIONS, AND YET THEY’RE PRESCRIBED FOR THE FLU AND COMMON COLD EVERY DAY. AND SOMETIMES THE DRUGS DO WORK, BUT THEY’RE STILL OVERPRICED! IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE INTERNET AT ALL THIS YEAR YOU’LL KNOW ALL ABOUT THE INSULIN CRISIS, WHICH WAS CREATED ARTIFICIALLY. BASICALLY THE PEOPLE WHO OWN INSULIN (YEAH, *OWN* A LIFE-SAVING MEDICATION) RACKED UP THE PRICE SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE COULDN’T FUCKING AFFORD IT ANYMORE, DESPITE A NORMAL DOSE OF INSULIN COSTING LIKE FIFTY CENTS TO MAKE?? OR, HOW ABOUT THIS—THEY INVENTED THIS COOL NEW CHEAP PAIN-RELIEVING DRUG CALLED FENTANYL AND DISCOVERED THEY COULD MAKE A SHIT TON OF MONEY OFF IT, SO DOCTORS PRESCRIBED THE HELL OUT OF IT UNTIL PEOPLE GOT SO ADDICTED TO IT THAT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIED OF OVERDOSES. OH, DID I SAY “PRESCRIBED” IN THE PAST TENSE? MY BAD, THEY CONTINUE TO PRESCRIBE IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. IF YOU HAVE CHRONIC PAIN AND ASK DOCTORS NOT TO PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION, A LOT OF TIMES THEY WILL STILL PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION. IF YOU EXPLAIN TO YOUR DOCTOR THAT YOU KICKED A HEROIN ADDICTION AND YOU REALLY WOULD NOT LIKE TO HAVE OPIOIDS PUT IN YOUR BODY, THEY WILL PROBABLY STILL BE LIKE, HUH, SUCKS FOR YOU, AND PUT OPIOIDS IN YOUR BODY.
DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ANY OF THIS? PERHAPS PETITION YOUR LOCAL POLITICIAN, OR GOD FORBID, STATE CONGRESSMAN, TO PASS A LAW THAT YOU THINK MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR LIFE? WELL, IT TURNS OUT YOU NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO RUN A CAMPAIGN NOWADAYS, AND POLITICIANS ARE ALLOWED TO BE SPONSORED BY BIG BUSINESSES, BECAUSE BUSINESSES ARE PEOPLE. SO IF YOU’RE THE SENATOR OF NEW JERSEY OR WHATEVER, AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS WANT YOU TO VOTE TO RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE, BUT YOUR CAMPAIGN IS OWNED BY WALMART, WHO WANTS TO KEEP PAYING ITS WORKERS ELEVEN BUCKS AN HOUR, YOU HAVE THE CHOICE BETWEEN MAKING A COUPLE LITTLE WORKING CLASS IDIOTS ANGRY OR GETTING ALL YOUR FUNDING FROM WALMART PULLED BECAUSE YOU THREATENED THEIR PROFIT MARGINS.
NOT ACTIVELY DYING FROM A TREATABLE ILLNESS, WASTING AWAY FROM DRUG ADDICTION, OR ENTRENCHED IN SLAVERY TO A CORPORATION WHOSE PRODUCT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN? GREAT! DID YOU KNOW THE PLANET WILL BE ON FIRE IN LIKE A FEW DECADES? OIL AND GAS COMPANIES HAVE SO MUCH INFLUENCE OVER THE LAWMAKERS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO PROHIBIT THEM FROM RUINING THE PLANET, THEY’VE PUT THE ONUS OF SAVING IT ON INDIVIDUALS’ SHOULDERS. REDUCE YOUR CARBON EMISSIONS BY TAKING THAT HOURLY BUS (YOU’LL EITHER BE FIFTY MINUTES EARLY TO WORK OR TEN MINUTES LATE!) OR RECYCLING YOUR SHIT (BUT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR MUNICIPALITY CAN’T RECYCLE, THEY’LL THROW THE WHOLE BATCH OUT WHEN YOU PUT TRASH IN) OR TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF IN YOUR HOUSE (JUST EAT DINNER IN THE DARK YOU PIECE OF SHIT) OR INSTALLING SOLAR PANELS ON YOUR HOUSE (FUCK ME FOR RENTING I GUESS?) THERE IS SO MUCH WE CAN DO JUST WHENEVER TO SWITCH TO SUSTAINABLE ENERGY, BUT EXXON AND BP AND SHELL OWN SO MUCH INFLUENCE THAT WE’RE JUST *NOT*, AND LEAVING THIS WASTELAND OF A HOME PLANET TO OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS. BUT AT LEAST ELON MUSK BUILT THIS REALLY COOL LOW-POLY BETHESDA LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT FOR US TO MAKE MEMES ABOUT
HERE’S THE SKINNY OF IT, PEOPLE. THERE’S NO OUT WITHIN OUR CURRENT SYSTEM. EVEN IF YOU DID THE MAGIC AND PULLED YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS AND NOW YOU’RE A BIG BOY WHO OWNS HIS OWN COMPANY, YOU LEFT BEHIND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T WIN THE BIRTH LOTTERY LIKE YOU DID. INNOCENT FOLKS ARE DYING OF HUNGER OR ILLNESS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO TREAT, CRASHING CARS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO FIX, WORKING THEMSELVES LITERALLY TO DEATH TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES OR THEIR FAMILIES, AND SCRAPING BY WITH A MEASLY ALLOWANCE OF FREE TIME WITH WHICH TO UNWIND AND CATCH UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE. THEY DON’T HAVE TIME TO WATCH THE NEWS, THINK CRITICALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETY THEY LIVE IN, CONCEPTUALIZE UNIONIZING OR REVOLTING OR BUILDING GUILLOTINES. THEY WANT TO KEEP US EXHAUSTED AND STRUGGLING BECAUSE IT’S WHAT KEEPS THEM COMFORTABLE UP THERE, KNOWING NO ONE HAS THE ENERGY OR THE GALL TO TOUCH THEM. THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO ESCAPE THIS HELL WE’VE CREATED IS THROUGH REVOLUTION. WE NEED TO SCRAP THIS WHOLE THING AND START OVER. BUT I THINK THAT’S ANOTHER ESSAY. ANYWAY I HOPE THIS WAS THOROUGH ENOUGH FOR A LITERAL ALIEN SOCIETY.
TL;DR: WE ARE ALL FUCKED IF WE DON’T OVERTHROW THE RICH.
---------------
*CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS IS SOME EUROPEAN WHO SAILED THE WRONG WAY AND ENDED UP IN THE AMERICAS. HE AND HIS BUDDIES RAPED AND PILLAGED THEIR WAY THROUGH A BUNCH OF INDIGINOUS COMMUNITIES AND DECIDED THIS COUNTRY WAS “FREE REIGN” TO SETTLE IN. HE IS HAILED AS THE AMERICAN ODYSSEUS AND CREDITED WITH THE “DISCOVERY” OF AMERICA BECAUSE OF COURSE ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVED HERE FIRST DON’T COUNT??
**I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WARS EITHER BUT LET’S GET INTO IT FROM THE POV OF A GUY WHO PASSED HIS WORLD HISTORY CLASS WITH A STRAIGHT B MINUS.
THE FIRST WORLD WAR: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS ONE.
THE SECOND WORLD WAR: THE ONE WHERE A BUNCH OF SCIENTISTS AND GOVERNMENT OFFICERS BOMBED A COUPLE OF CIVILIAN SETTLEMENTS IN JAPAN AND I’M PRETTY SURE AN *ENTIRE HAWAIIAN ISLAND* JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED. TURNS OUT IT KILLED A BUNCH OF CIVILIANS. HUH! WHO’D HAVE EXPECTED THAT! OH IT ALSO TURNED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF OTHERWISE DECENT FOLKS INTO RABIDLY PATRIOTIC IDIOTS, BECAUSE THE PACE AT WHICH THIS COUNTRY CHURNS OUT PROPAGANDA DURING A WAR IS FASTER THAN THE SPEEDING RUBBER BAND I SHOT WITH MY FINGERS AT THE TEACHER WHO WAS EXPLAINING WHY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY WAS IN THE ABSOLUTE WRONG DURING THIS CATASTROPHE.
VIETNAM: OKAY SO BASICALLY PEOPLE HATED THIS ONE BECAUSE THEY REALIZED SOLDIERS WERE GOING ALL CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ON THE COUNTRIES WHERE THEY WERE STATIONED. ENOUGH SAID.
COLD WAR: THIS IS NOMINALLY A WAR BECAUSE THE GOOD OLD U.S.A. AND ITS HATEFUCKBUDDY THE U.S.S.R.† DID THIS WITH WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION
(EVENTUALLY THEY DECIDED TO PUT THE FINGER GUNS AWAY. I’M GONNA LET YOU TRY TO PUZZLE OUT ON YOUR OWN HOW COUNTRIES “PUT AWAY” NUCLEAR WEAPONS CAPABLE OF ENDING ALL LIFE ON EARTH.)
SPACE RACE: THE U.S. AND THE U.S.S.R. HAD A FUN COMPETITION TO SEE WHOSE DICK WAS BIG ENOUGH TO GET TO THE MOON. SCIENCE IS RUINED.
***ARTISTS, WRITERS, JOURNALISTS, VIDEO ESSAYISTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO ISN’T EITHER OWNED OR SPONSORED (THAT’S A FANCY WORD FOR “OWNED”) BY BIG BUSINESS TEND TO BE THREATENED BY POVERTY. PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO CAN FREELANCE ACTUALLY, BECAUSE WORKING FOR A CORPORATION PROVIDES THE SAFETY NET THAT SOCIAL PROGRAMS WOULD OTHERWISE TAKE CARE OF IF SOCIAL PROGRAMS WERE FUNDED EVER.
****ALSO KNOWN AS THE AMERICAN DREAM, IN WHICH *ANYBODY* CAN MAKE IT IN THIS COUNTRY IF THEY TRY HARD ENOUGH! UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS A MYTH, AS YOU CAN SEE BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL REALLY POOR, AS IS LIKE 90% OF THE COUNTRY. PLUS CLASS MOBILITY WORKS REALLY HARD TO KEEP MINORITIES IN EXTREME POVERTY, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST AS AN ISOLATED SYSTEM AND ANYONE WHO THINKS IT DOES IS A DUMBSHIT WHO’S BOUGHT INTO THIS EVEN MORE THAN THE AVERAGE DUMBSHIT.
†RUSSIA’S COOL NEW NAME WHEN IT TRIED OUT SOCIALISM
#HERE YOU FUCKING GO ALIENS.#I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A D MINUS FOR THIS IN SCHOOL.#FOR REASONS THAT ARE ESTABLISHED UNDER THE CUT.#{{i typed this in google docs? its uhhh 8 pages long#addiction/#drugs/#war/#uncle sam/#tesla truck/#watch as it fucks up the formatting and kills me instantly
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