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1eoness · 11 months

Note

Could you make a Dom!Leon x trans ftm reader NSFW fic with some fluff thrown into there?

୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ author rambling; HI i am eating pineapple rn and i never forgot this request. just to clarify and for some context, i dont have experience of writing !reader anything out of sub afab so im sorry if this is super inaccurate or inapplicable or unsatisfying and im open to criticism on this :( :) idk im so sorry aghdfhdsfhdj i really need to work on this. oh and i read some ftm smut for this so ty to those writers :> pls criticize anything off (with reason ofc). [btw i feel like this is super bad im sorry im not feeling creative rn i have writers block :((( ]

anyway 'DOM!LEON KENNEDY X TRANS FTM READER NSFW WITH SOME FLUFF THROWN IN THERE' COMING UP. i'm sorry this took so long for such short content too :(

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cw: fluffy dom!leon kennedy, trans ftm!reader (w/ bottom surgery) [i can always redo this if you don't like me mentioning top/bottom surgery]. praise, oral (reader receiving)

synopsis : re4r leon and he loves u and ur worried little face and he's gonna kiss it better (and fuck it better, maybe).

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

leon loves you. he knows you're constantly worried over him being troubled over his trauma but he wants you to know, between every crevice of his clouded thoughts, that he loves you and it's the surest thing he knows. it's hard to admit but even when he loses himself, it will always, and forever be clear to him that you have his heart and there's a reason why.

you were about to get under the covers to go to sleep (after a day that felt longer than it should be.). though, you lowered your headphones to the lower end of the volume once you saw leon through the bedroom doorway.

"baby, i wanna tell you something." leon said, his quiet and soft voice only going a decibel higher as he crawls to you on your bed. he hated seeing you about to sleep with such a worried look on your handsome face.

you thought he didn't notice? even if you're his neutral-faced boy, he knows when the air around you feels more somber than usual. "do you ever feel.."

"like a plastic bag?" you quipped quickly. (i'm sorry if you don't get it)

"no, damn it." leon's mutter-reply followed with a quiet chuckle that you echoed. he likes that about you, your incessant annoying humor (but you'll never beat him in that). he sighs, and tries again. "you know, like... you're kind of.. stressed over someone else's troubles?"

to be honest, he doesn't really know how to go about it. he doesn't want you to think you're burdening him—though, you could never ever make him feel like that. leon nears you, hovering above you and adoring your face wherever his mind runs. for some reason, before you guys go to sleep he just does this. he also likes talking to you before you both go to sleep ♡.

you hum, just a little bit sleepy. "what do you meann?" you ask quaintly, and leon's heart melts at the tone of your slightly languid voice. you sounded so cute. a rather random yet soft laugh escapes before he dips down to give you a small kiss on your cheek.

"...y/n, i'll just be straight—i don't want you going to bed looking so.. upset." leon mutters softly, rubbing over the skin of your cheekbone with his thumb. maybe he shouldn't have gone into detail how heavy his mission felt. because when he was done talking, you gave him some short comfort and impulsively stood up and said that you needed to wash the dishes (and the dishwasher was literally running when you said that).

at first he thought he did something wrong and upset you, and the guilt immediately seeped in. naturally, he didn't want it to go undiscussed, that would murder him! so he went to find you ASAP. but when he went to check on you in that dim kitchen, he saw you with your back turned and trying to silence your tears. apparently, you felt so bad for him it was enough to hurt you, too. you were just too sweet—leon also felt bad. he gave you some space for a bit, though he's sorry because he really wants to be there for you and he can't afford to leave you by yourself sometimes :(

you looked a little to the side from his forward words. you didn't really know what to say in response, you were just.. tired, and also worried. leon understands this, picking up on it and showing it by giving you a reassuring, subtle smile. he wants to see you smiling, too, and he knows just how to do it. it's his favorite thing about his little boy ♡.

"..come, baby." he coos quietly as he began to take a hold on either sides of your face, knowing you don't need discussion right now. maybe loving is enough. and loving you is a way of reassuring himself, you just need to accept that :( so you be good for him and let him give you the praise you deserve (and so much more).

he kisses you on the forehead first. he loves cradling your handsome little face, placing safe pecks all over it. especially on that spot a little adjacent from under your eyes. leon hums when his lips reach your jaw, peppering it with innocent love. but will it really only go that far? "because you're the most perfect boy ever." he reasons hushedly, his left hand holding the side of your neck and caressing it gently.

oh, it's going to be one of those nights where he kisses you all over and doesn't leave you alone.. but you know better than to complain.

"y're so clingy..." you decided to joke, though you both knew you loved it. while you giggled at his antics, you can feel him smiling into the skin of your neck. he's so ready to spoil you rotten.. and you had no idea:( ♡

he moves his broad hands under your shirt, handling your being with tutelage. the fuss of the sheets make hush noise as he moves downwards, worshipping your body along the way by placing kisses over your clothed stomach. "...so?" he laughs softly against the skin of your lower inner thigh, the fluttery feeling of his lips planting a kiss on it making you shudder. he sees you, and how you turn so bashful all of a sudden.

"..tickles?" leon mumbles amusedly.

"yeah-" you mutter in response before he abruptly did it again on your stomach this time, which made you giggle. you were just too precious to him!

he holds your thighs in his hands for a minute, resting his head against your left thigh. you see the muscles on his arm flex subtly while he does so, your stomach tumbling at witnessing his strength at such a mild moment. for a minute he just gazes at you fondly, a hinting coyness hiding beneath his expression.

you were making it so tough for him. he just wants to kiss you all over . hell, he might even want to merge corporealities with you.

he doesn't speak, his eyes trailing down to your pelvic area while unnoticeably smirking to himself. you were so cute to him, so what else can he do but lift your thighs over his broad shoulders?

but he looks up at you, immediately. his fingertips are teasing at the hem of your bottom clothing, insinuating what he wants to do for you as he lightly taps at your skin. "baby, may i?" he asks with a sudden comforting tone. he'll never make you do something you don't wanna do. but like said, if you accepted, there's no promise that he's going soft on you.. but that's because he just wants you to be all nice and happy! a very innocent motive ♡

"mhm.." you hummed lowly, willingly giving him your greenlight. and has leon said he loves you?

"thank you, love.." he mutters shortly in reply before pulling your pajama bottoms just a little down. down enough for him to free your pretty shaft. he sees you blushing, covering the bottom half of your face with your sleepy hands.

and this man.. was so hard to predict!

the soft hunk of a man wants to wrap his right arm around your abdomen, pull your hips up to his face. "leon!-" you gasp abruptly with that same low voice.

"shhh, baby." leon mumbled while his left hand snaked around to cage your right thigh firmly to his shoulder. his knees dip on the comforters, pulling his boy's lower body up like he was challenged to lift a feather.

you quickly brought your hands up to take your headphones off, but leon suddenly spoke when you pried the muffs off your ears.

"keep them on." he cuts your actions off. the subtle demand of his tone says you're going to keep them on. he, somehow, reaches to turn the volume up on your headphones. you were puzzled, not knowing what he was aiming to do with such-

"a-aah!-" you yelped in utter surprise. a dribble of spit threads from his pretty lips and down onto your length..

he's hunched over as he takes your tip, then more in his mouth. he glances at your dumbfounded eyes, and you swear you could see him smirking to himself. but before you could think further, he was suddenly suckling onto your cock so firmly you started to squirm.

but that's why leon's holding you so tightly, so you can take it the way he needs you to~

you felt restricted. leon wants to steal your senses, inject pleasure in your veins like he were trying to fucking save you. he's beginning to get so hard that it makes him whine against your shaft, and he's so hard that you're making it difficult for him to think rationally.

"l-leonn! slow down!~" you cried without sense, which only urged his fingers pressing into your skin as he held you in place. he takes an inch further, his mouth working eagerly, making sure you can understand his carnal urge of making you cum with his mouth. "uh-uhh!-.... nghhh-hh..."

"mhmm..mmmm..." he hummed roughly, following with a soft growl as he slurped you up stupid. you kept moving. why were you moving so much? you were so sleepy just a minute ago.. oh, well; leon thinks. but is this man really oblivious to the fact that he can make you feel so, so good?

of course he wasn't. your erotic whines got louder and louder by the minute as your headphones disabled you from being conscious of your tone at all. your voice fell muffled upon your ears but leon was devouring it, using your moans and sobs as a motive to eat you up until you're heart-eyed. you couldn't even make sense of the music anymore as leon's mouth clouded your empty mind.

i'm gonna drown you in pleasure, baby.. leon thinks to himself while he's busy adoring you and the way your cock twitches onto his tongue :(

you were flailing slightly while leon went down on you, seeing you and your eyes struggling to keep open. he trails his left hand up and down your thigh, the sensation feeling a little ticklish. your chest rose and fell warmly, trying to reach out to stop him with a weak hand but he wouldn't let you and he feels (mildly) sorry. but it doesn't make him halt— he looks at you with sweet eyes that say 'please cum for me~'

you whined weakly at this, voice going raspy as you full on started to cry. you felt so vulnerable and so good at the same time and you trusted leon so much. you could feel it, could feel him about to siphon your orgasm out of you. just the way he wanted it..

the faucet began to spill and you were crying, the tears trickling down your cheeks messily and around your headphones, too. leon looked at you with mostly with affection, but also with a bit of sympathy. you must've had such a hard time, huh? he's so happy he can make you feel better..

"u-uhh, f-fuck, leon!! n-nno- nggh..a-ahh!-" you didn't even know what you were blabbering or retorting for anymore, but your hips twitched in his grip as you began to tremble within the fuzzy feeling of your orgasm. you were being such a pretty boy for him like this, all sensitive and crying after one minor blowjob. how were you going to handle the rest of the night like this?

it was hard to ignore his boner at this point. "mm..mhh, fuck- such a good boy f'me, huh?" he groans while he sucks on you at a slower pace, trying not to overwhelm you too hard (but still overwhelming you :( he's sorry, he swears.). "god, you're so cute.. but you have him so horny and frustrated now, what did you just do to this boy? he isn't frustrated at you.. but..

he isn't letting go of your thighs any time soon.

#BY THE WAY GUYS THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR 1000 NOTES ON MY PROFESSOR LEON THING THATS INSANE IM SO HAPPY U GUYS ENJOY IT #this was so uncreative......... guh #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x ftm!reader #leon kennedy x ftm reader #im not sure if i revised this so im sorry #now THIS is vague as fuck.

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absylphe · 5 months

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eavesdrop (feel free to include dirk or dont im not a cop)

I Feel Like I Take More Liberties Than I Should And Make More Assumptions Than I Should And I Feel Like I Should Be Reprimanded For It Rather Than Rewarded With Friendship

Each And Every Time That Tiny Kernel Of Insight I Intend To Provide Ends Up Rolling Up Dense Inches Of Conjecture And Observation Until The Tiny Snowball I Had Meant To Playfully Pelt A New Friend With In The Park With Becomes The Size Of An Oversized Snow Man's Disembodied Ass Crushing Him Under The Weight Of My Invasive Dissertations

(Pardon The Sudden Crass Language But I Think Dave Would Get A Kick Out Of That Metaphor For The Record)

And There I Go Making Assumptions Again Because I Have A Single Mode And It Is Overthinking Everything Until My Sponge Dries Out Or My Pusher Stops Beating

Whichever Happens First

Doubt Spiral Aside I Am Relieved That He Is Beginning To Relax And Feel A Bit More Comfortable

I Always Worry That I Am Perhaps Too Familiar

And That If I Am Too Familiar It Is For The Wrong Reasons

"A Fondness For Striders" Feels Like Such A Dismissive Over Generalization But The Shared Characteristics Of Our Collective Upbringings Always Make Striders Feel More Real To Me Initially Than Other Humans Do Somehow And I Think That Alone Is Enough To Put Me At Ease Early On When I Am Normally More On Guard

Seeing The Fierce Devotion He Has For His Brother Makes Me Wonder If Porrim And I Could Have Been Close If Time Had Permitted It

I Wonder If I Had Been Made Human If Anyone Could Have Mustered Such A Selfless Love For Me And I Find Myself Dissatisfied With The Conclusion

--------

I Don't Know

Of Course I Have Heard All Of The Things He Has Said About Himself And All Of The Things That Dave Has Mentioned But It All Seems Rather Excessive

And I Know That We Have A Lot In Common And I Think It Would Be Condescending To Assume That He Has Not Noticed

I Anticipated It Even Before We Really Spoke Just Given How Dave Talked About Him

The Thought I Keep Going Over In My Mind Is That It Is Not Really The Monstrosity Part Of His Possible Tyrannical Future That Terrifies Him

But The Maintained Integrity Of His Current Level Of Cognizance That Rings Throughout That Future

That Is To Say

It Is Not The Idea So Much That He Could Be Corruptible So Much As It Is That He Already Is Or He Already Believes That He Is

It Is Not The Dread That In The Future He Will Become A Monster So Much As The Dread That In The Future He Will Still Be Himself

Which In The Context Of This Hypothetical Is The Same Thing

(And As Always I Have To Make It About Myself)

Because Of Course I Resonate With That

I Am A Literal Physical Biological Parasite

I Have No Choice In That Matter Anymore And I Have Not For Nearly Half Of My Life Now

The More I Give In To It The More Those Urges And Thoughts And Mannerisms Consume Me

The More I Feel I Am Correct And That My Guidance Is Objectively For The Best

But How Much Of That Is A Mutation That Influences Me Toward Behavior That Prioritizes Resource Hoarding And How Much Of That Is Just Me

The Real Me That Sleeps Under Pangs Of Hunger And Purposeful Deprivation Too Weak To Exert Itself

Whenever He Alludes To The Perceived Inevitability Of That Future For Himself I Just Can Not Help But Think Of The Times I Have Overindulged And Become A Creature I Still Cannot Bear To See Glimpses Of In My Own Reflection

I Think He Must Think Me Terribly Naive Or A Terrible Busybody To Involve Myself So Much In His Business But My Heart Aches To Think How Much His Mind Must Race Given How Much He Observes And How Little He Speaks

The Echo Chamber Of One's Own Mind Is An Inhumane Place To Flog Oneself

Over Perceived Flaws And Actions Considered But Not Taken No Less

As Hypocritical As It Is To Say For Someone Like Me

Selfish Though It May Be I Hope He Will Be Free To Travel One Day

I Would Like To See The Kind Of Pottery He Would Make

#yifftwiceplease #therealslimstrider #ask meme thing #SORRY FOR THE WAIT i was trying very hard to word things properly #long post cw //

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youngpettyqueen · 1 year

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Hawkeye wraps his arms around BJ’s neck and pulls him into a hug. BJ throws his arms around his middle and hugs back with strength that borders on crushing. He doesn’t complain, though. He just gets one hand up to cradle his head, combing his fingers through his paling hair as BJ squeezes him tight enough to pop his ribs out of place. He feels him inhale deep in his hair, feels his fingers dig anchor points into his back that very well might leave bruises.

“I’m here,” He murmurs quietly, “Just keep holding on till it feels real. I’m not goin’ anywhere anytime soon.”

BJ’s response is to bury his face in his shoulder. Hawkeye tilts his head against his, turning briefly so that he can plant a quick kiss to the messy hair there. BJ breathes in shaky inhales and shuddering exhales, trembling quietly in his arms like a frightened child. This place has a way of making frightened children of them all.

From Things That Cry In The Night, and—

“No, I call ‘em sexy, smokin’, maybe even pretty. But never beautiful,” Trapper gives Hawkeye’s shoulder a helpful nudge to get him to flop onto his back, “That’s only for you. Even when you look like you want me dead.” He teases.

Hawkeye gives him a dainty little wave. Trapper throws him a wink as he makes his exit, needing to move out before he can make the decision to shirk his duties and play nurse all day. He’d already done that once this week, and he doubts Henry will take kindly to his doing it a second time.

from It’s Not Chicken Soup, But It’s Good For The Soul, for the DVD commentary thing?

—No GFA Anon

you got it!! and dont worry about the 500 words thing anon (I saw your other message) i wasn't planning on being strict with it haha

things that cry in the night-

so one thing about me as a writer is I really really love writing hugs. this is because I think hugging is an elite action and I am a very huggy person. one of the main points of this fic was just to write a really good hug. one of those hugs thats like, deep-pressure therapy that feels like it could put you back together while youre breaking down in pieces. Hawkeye here is physically holding BJ together, gathering him up and trying to fit all those pieces together, while BJ is desperately clinging onto him as tight as he can because he needs to convince himself this is real, and part of him is terrified if he doesnt hold on as tight as he can, Hawkeye's going to vanish

Hawkeye very much gets what BJ's going through here. a lot of inspo for this fic came from Hawk's Nightmare, and me wanting to explore how BJ might react to having those extremely vivid nightmares. its why I had Hawkeye know what to say and what to do- he knows how this feels. I also imagine this isnt the first time this has happened, even if we never got a scene like this in canon

I was particularly proud of that last bit- "This place has a way of making frightened children of them all." I still really like it. I was drawing specifically on Hawkeye's experiences there, referencing how he often feels like a scared kid when it comes to this place and the war. he's seeing that childlike fear in BJ, and he sees it in others. its another reason he knows what to do and what to say- he knows how it feels

its not chicken soup, but its good for the soul-

yeah that first bit I still really, really love. "“No, I call ‘em sexy, smokin’, maybe even pretty. But never beautiful,”-" is the indicator that what Trapper feels for Hawkeye is different than what he feels for the nurses, specifically in that early seasons context of sleeping around with them a lot. I wanted to make it clear Trapper is still very much into the women, because the casual sex in the early seasons is something I actually love a lot and isnt something I would ever ignore in a fic, but it is meant to indicate that his relationship with and feelings towards Hawkeye are different. its romantic, not just attraction

that last part is also very cute for me haha. I did not dive into it in this fic, because it wasn't relevant and I was very very sick while writing so I did not have the energy to expand on a lot, but I like to think Trapper enjoys playing nurse whenever anybody in camp that he knows/is close with is sick/hurt. he's such a caring guy!! he's such a sweetheart, we see that come into play a lot with the kids, but also with Hawkeye and I would even say we see it sometimes with Margaret. so yeah, of course he would want to play nurse and fuss around

and the last bit there about Henry is just a really funny visual for me. Henry of course appreciates the sentiment- personally I HC that Henry did a lot of hovering and mother henning over Hawkeye after the events of Dr Pierce and Mr Hyde- but also. he kinda needs Trapper to work his shifts, if only so he doesnt have to deal with Frank's bitching about it

#mash #fic bitching #tyyyyyy for the ask #did this remind me I need to add a Henry and Hawkeye fic to my WIP list? yeah #I love both these fics a lot #the latter one mainly cause im impressed its coherent ksdkjfhkdjs

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apopcornkernel · 1 month

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hello,,,,,,, song rationale under the cut because im very extremely normal about them

GUSTO WITH YA by DENȲ

I know I'm independent but I think I need ya Kayang mag-isa pero mas gusto with ya (I'm fine alone but I would rather be with ya) Parang mababaliw when I don't get to see ya (I feel like I'm losing my mind when I don't get to see ya) Sanay nang 'di umasa but ang gusto is ya (I'm used to not hoping for more but what I want is ya)

i've said this countless times but im so so obsessed with how much dinahbabs depend on each other and how babs literally called dinah for a mission in one of her lowest points and especially parang mababaliw when i don't get to see ya in the context of control freak babs like oh....

Gusto ka lang makasama kahit na abot umaga (I just want to be with you even 'til the morning) 'Di mawawalan ng gana, ikaw lang ang nakikita (Can't possibly lose any eagerness, you're the only thing I see) My definition of vision, no, I ain't into submission But that can still be your mission, forgettin' all my cautions

do i have to elaborate

Sanay nang mag-isa, pero mas sasaya Kung lagi kang makakasama (I'm used to being alone, but I'll be even happier If I'm able to always be with you)

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 yeah.

CAPABLE OF LOVE by PINKPANTHERESS

Right now I think you're the cause of my grief And I haven't slept well for a week You are somebody that I want to keep But you said, "It's not deep," and to that answer, I weep

loser babs is something i cherish so deeply like if anything the coffee sleep deprived fanon stereotype shouldve gone to HER and not tim!!!!

i think ALL the time about the post that's like "i am so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend i'm serious" AND I THINK THAT . gestures at green arrow. gestures at dc who mostly pushes dinahollie and is also too much of a coward to ever outright queer a character as big as black canary (begging dc to prove me wrong btw). gestures back at babs

It's weird how people still think it's pretend The bond between us doesn't end But they don't know the long distance we went The one that we'll put behind us Now that we're more than friends

you know all those fucking panels where either other ppl are like "wait girlfriend as in...?" or that one where one of them was like "haha stop that they'll think we're an item 😝😝😝" yeah.

I always wondered if we passed on the street And I still never asked you yet to meet But there's no other place I'd want to be Than sat here replying to someone on a screen

PRE-REVEAL DINAHBABS MY ABSOLUTE BELOVEDHSJHKJFHKHGKSKLDJFLKSD god guys you know how much of a SUCKER i am for identity shenanigans.... the proper reveal in the hunt for oracle was amazing, dont get me wrong, but it would have also been amazing to keep the identity stuff going aughhh

And I think I need a picture 'cause it's never enough To see you smilin' in my mind when I lie still in the dark It starts with you-ooh Starts with you-ooh

pre!!!!!!!!!! reveal!!!!!!!!!!! dinahbabs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you read everything you're supposed to? (Three little words, dedicate them to me) I'm wastin' away I feel so cold (Please make them personal then say them to me) I got a confession, I've never given up (My focus is everywhere, I'm not listenin') I just need to know if you're capable of love (I got a readin' on my palm just to see)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE CHAIN by FLEETWOOD MAC

okay honestly i don't think i have to explain this one too much because no homoerotic relationship with partners closer than life is complete without the chain by fleetwood mac

SAY I'M UR LUV by UMI

for this one it's mostly vibes but this part of the chorus is also very!!!

If you talk to me really nice, you could be the pilot, you could be the boss With my top down, city ride, where we going? I Never need to know So we could dance, you could spend the night Tell a pretty lie and I could say I'm your love

dc comics hire me i will write a birds of prey oneshot where babs is on the field with dinah for a recon mission and their cover is that they're together. and also they will almost get caught snooping but then kiss me, quick! and they can't seem to stop once they've started but then alarms blare somewhere else in the sprawling manor and they stare at each other hair mussed and lips swollen and "so." "yes." "we should go." "we should." and they pick their wits up back from the floor and save the day and get the baddies jailed and they will never ever acknowledge this moment ever again in their lifes. except maybe to take out the memory in the stillness of the night and turn it over in their hands, chest tight with everything they will never say, can never say

HURRICANE DRUNK by FLORENCE + THE MACHINE

the whole plot of this song is about getting wasted bc u saw the person ur deeply irretrievably in love with in the arms of someone else. do i have to even elaborate. i am so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend im serious

VILLAINS OF CIRCUMSTANCE by QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE

I miss you now, what's come over me? We're hostages of geography The wait is long and heavy too Despite what you're accustomed to

LDR dinahbabs amen

I know life moves on, that's what scares me so Have no intentions of letting go Only us, no one in the world Only us, no one in the world

loving birds of prey additional characters of course but the original duo will forever hold a special place in my heart and in my delusional little head i think dinah and babs think of it sometimes too. in particular i think of that panel in bop #61 where babs said she was thinking of bringing helena in permanently and dinah started making objections 😶👉👈

I'd better do something, move earth and sky And patiently, sweetly, with all of my might I sing only for you, to the beat of my footsteps in the night

the beautiful thing about dinahbabs on the field is how despite the fact that babs rarely goes out herself, she's still able to rescue dinah always,,, the way she will literally call all sorts of favors just to get her out of danger,,,, it does something to me

WALK BACKWARDS by MAUDE LATOUR

I guess I'll never understand The line between our love and romance 'Cause when I look at you I Fall right into a dream Under galaxies in the middle of the city in New York So, I say thanks to an unknown force

im sorry but i dont think dinahbabs should ever be together. i need, no i REQUIRE them to be in the most horrendous situationship to ever ever exist. actually this is already canon in the bop in my head

Me and my friends do whatever we want And by friends I really only mean one in particular And that's you

i know they have lives and loved ones outside of each other but hear me out: what if they didnt

IM SORRY LMAO JFHDJDFHGKJD i'm just a hugeee sucker for those really unhealthy codependent relationships

Mmm, your hair's untied And it's only just about a quarter to nine You live east, so I walk backwards Sun's slippin' south on the west-side And we still got the rest of the night You live east, so I walk backwards babe

on twitter the artist explained this lyric as such: “In the summer I have a promise to see every sunset. But I live on the east side … and the sun sets in the west. So to get home I have to walk backwards to watch the sun slip… It’s about that perfect summer feeling”

and i think this kind of caught-breath soft summer moment is sosososo them like all the quiet longing buried under everything and everything..... and the laughter and the smiles and the setting sun warm and gentle on your face.........

I know your boyfriend's mad Watch you grabbin' my hand all day So, I just play it cool

do i even have to say it!

SYNERGY by UMI

When I move and I ain't thinking It's natural when you walk in (Yeah) Feel you, honey (Yeah)

Theory of relativity I feel your gravity I couldn't let myself believe I told myself to breathe

dinahbabs magnetism and unconsciously gravitating to each other in every room yep yep!!!!

COME OVER by CARLY RAE JEPSEN

'Cause you do something to my patience I can't hardly wait

hgjdhgjkjhfgjkhdjgsh hey .

Come over, come over, I'm ready to see you Whatever you're schemin', I'm already dreamin' Come over, come over and don't keep me waitin' Got nothin' on my mind but the two of us

whatever you're schemin i;m already dreamin. GOD. DINAHBABS

After hours, there's a space for you in heaven Picnic on the floor by a warm fireplace Up to now, there were tens, but you're eleven Let me show you how you fit right into place

GKDFSJGHJFHKSJHKGHDFGSLDKFGHSDLFKJHDKJFGHSDKJHKDJHDKJFHGKSJDFHJKFH i'm sorry i'm not coherent but DINAHBABS also the last 2 lines,,, i can't help but think about that side story in bop secret files where babs was literally going through and discarding female superheroes for the honey trap mission in black canary/oracle: bop until she finally settled on dinah as the perfect candidate THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE

DINNER & DIATRIBES by HOZIER

Honey, this club here is stuck up Dinner and diatribes I knew well from our first hookup The look of mischief in your eyes

oh god thinking again about that hypothetical bop comic i would write where they both go out on the field for recon and their cover is being a couple at a fancy eventkdfghdgjkghfdjgl

Your friends are a fate that befell me Hell is the talkin' type I’d suffer hell if you'd tell me What you'd do to me tonight

hey;h.,lghjglmdfhkjgsdfvb,m//gn../l

yeah.

Scarcely can speak for my thinkin' What you'd do to me tonight Now that the evenin’ is slowin’ Now that the end's in sight Honey, it’s easier knowin' What you'd do to me tonight

YEAH.

Tell me, tell me, tell your man, ah

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is all. sorry to end with a whimper instead of a bang. also! midway throughout this post i realized i would do anything for someone to call dinah oracle's attack dog 😁

#dinahbabs #birds of prey #barbara gordon #dinah lance #dc #poppy speaks #dcposting

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solitairesys · 6 months

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here's some highlights from my thoughts journal from the years 1942, 2012, 2013, 2014, and 2015.

for context, i got this journal after my mother passed.

for more context, i am a nico di angelo fictive.

tw, possibly.

my parents have no clue who i even am. i hope you’re proud of me, dad. afraid to go out. afraid to talk to people. it's difficult to make friends. i'd rather be at home, alone. scared to be in a big crowd of people. panicking about going to this event. nervous about meeting someone new. scared to ask a question, staying quiet instead. feel like everyone is watching me. if i disappeared, would you even know? i wish you knew how much it destroyed me when you left. a piece of me died. i dont know where to go. i dont know what to feel. i dont know what to do. i dont know who i am. ”but it made you stronger” i didn’t need to be stronger, i needed to be safe. life isn’t about living, anymore. it’s about surviving. im afraid to die. im afraid to live. i need a hug, but all they gave me was a box of matches and a knife. i was the good kid and i got nothing. was i raised without love? or was i born unloveable? i have a father, but ive never had a dad. fuck you to every person who ever took advantage of my kindness. nobody is going to save you. get up. please don't leave. everybody leaves.

why is my family so fucked up? my feelings? oh, don't worry about those, no one does. can someone be proud of me? like im fucking trying. "why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked me. no one asked. maybe i wasn’t made for anyone. i don’t know why i’m still hoping. there’s a reason i keep everything inside. i want to be loved but i don’t deserve it. i want to feel loved without feeling like i was begging for it. if i told you my secrets, you wouldn't look at me the same. maybe i deserve all of this. sleep isnt sleep anymore, it's an escape. a listening ear is also a running mouth. i've become so damaged that when someone gives me what i deserve, i don't know how to respond. i need to cry. i need to talk. i need to vent everything. i try so hard to help other people because i have no idea how to help myself. you will never understand the hell i feel inside my brain. its hard to forget your past when it's written all over your body i stopped being me a long time ago. i don’t even remember who i was. i want my life back. i want myself back. i miss the old me. the happy me. that young energy, that smile, that glow. i'll never be that me again.

i’ll never be good enough for you. stupid me thinking i was good enough. i don’t care if you’re proud of me, dad. its pretty fucked up how okay you were after hurting me. you realize that one day im just gonna snap, right? i shouldn’t be this kind of tired at this age. if i can still breathe, im fine. im forever going to say “i got this” with tears in my eyes. i’ll survive. i somehow always do. i have more scars than friends. it’s hard when you feel so constantly unwanted. i want to live, not just survive. i cant remember the last time i wasn’t tired.

#-nico #vent #introject vent #source vent #fictive vent #vent post

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relaxxattack · 3 years

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hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

#it’s late im so sorry for how much i rambled and wrote #i hope this helps you #bee duo #og post #there’s probably so many spelling errors i need to go to bed #i tried to fix some spelling so reblog this one ig #and not the old one

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coccinelle-et-chaton · 3 years

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I have a very stupid headcanon.

You know how if you have a strict parent they almost will never let you join things? Except when X joins because they're like, your voucher friend?

Well Luka and Kagami are Adrien's voucher friends. Kagami is self-explainatory because Tomoe, I wanna talk Luka.

You know how Jagged is our local himbo right? And yea he's a lil immature, a lil out of it, but he's trying his best. And regularly, there wouldn't be a way in god's green earth for gabe to allow adrien to spend so much time with the couffaines if he knew or made the connection of how they're raised by anarka (be free, embrace your personality etc).

After the drama of Truth, Gabriel THINKS they're being raised by Jagged and that's why Adrien was so insistent on "joining his friends' band". Because they're Jagged's kids.

And NORMALLY if Gabe paid attention, he would know the Couffaines are exactly the type of people Gabriel would immediately bash as a bad influence (like nino) but luckily for Adrien, Gabriel doesn't care enough about him to notice. He thinks well of the Couffaines because ONE(1) time he was in the same room as Jagged and he heard him say something completely out of context, that sounded evil and like something Gabriel would say.

"get out of my way you incompetent slob! i got a job to do!" or something like that

if gabe had turned around, he would've seen jagged was talking to his bag of chips, which he couldnt open and had to ask penny for help☠️

now luka ties the strings and realizes he's one of adrien's voucher friends and after finding out about the square, for the sake of his sanity, he uses this as much as possible, having a bunch of like, hangouts at his place to force those two idiots into the same room

and then one day he realizes these two have FINALLY figured it out but they (and luka along them) are stuck in prpr hell and Luka Will Very Much Not Have That. I Am A Goof Person And I Hav Suffered Enough.

so he enlists the help of kagami to have him join a sleepover at the ship with the rest of the group. he NEEDS kagami to be there because his voucher power isnt enough this time so kagami is like "dont worry bestie i got this"

"mom can i go to a sleep over at jagged stone's kids house?"

"no."

"but adrien is going."

"really?"

"yes." after you say yes and let me go

and well anyway, what a long way to say luka plots with kagami to do a sleepover and yes with kagami on board(lol no pun intended) it's a success and long story short adrinette ends up cuddling in a corner and they're both very soft about it like,,, marinette keeps giving him The Look and he smiles at her and like, he hugs her really tight against his chest? and mari usually has a hard time falling asleep because her mind races 1000000km/h but she is so relaxed? and it's so warm and comfy and safe in adrien's arms??? and 🥺💕🥺💕

and then adrien is so beyond himself with love and affection that he really cant do anything other than just. hold marinette and like, bury his face in her hair and listen to her little sighs and noises when she's asleep and it literally pains how absolutely ADORABLE mari is asleep. it hurts guys. it hurts how cute she is "wHY IS SHE SO CUTE? I LOVE?? HER ??? SO MUCHH😭😭💕💕💕💕💕💕"

and then they just like, smile stupidly at each other and have to like, control themselves not to absolutely scream when they realize like "my lady/my kitty is hugging me 🥺🥺"

i think about this headcanon a normal amount

#miraculous ladybug #ml headcanon #listen this headcanon is my safe space #i dont even know why but it is.#adrinette #ladynoir #prpr

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haikyutiehoe · 3 years

Text

thank you for your support! i really like it here and want to celebrate what for me once was a childhood nightmare (writing) + i hope you enjoy ! below you will find an extensive list, it’s smut central down there

☞ 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

◆ please provide the prompt (various if needed), a scenario, setting and characters involved when requesting. in addition to general character x reader smut requests, i am writing threesomes, poly, gangbang

◆ (optional), include a description of the outfit of the reader and any subsequent lingerie or a photo image.

◆ this event is mainly open to the haikyuu fandom but i will accept a few jjk requests too

◆ these posts will feature the #haikyutiehoeevents and have a “read more”

◆ minors, dni

◆ these are all my own prompt creations, they are original and special, and took a while to come up with, been busy with tests and assignments

☞ 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒

◆ characters of interest include; aran, kita, suna, daichi, kenma, sakusa, hinata, bokuto, asahi, akaashi, kunimi, [ for the sake of making more content with these characters that i haven’t written for much, i include them here as a general note, you can ignore it easily lol! ]

◆ i am aiming to write 300+ words per request and challenging myself to write 1k+ (possibly beyond, hehe) as well. the requests with more details and plot will likely produce a larger word count, however if you’re not certain of ideas just indicate in the request if you’re interested in a longer fic.

☞ 𝐄𝐗𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓

(this is an example of a longer request that hopefully helps you frame your idea with the context of the prompt! thank you @bakugohoex)

maybe like suna with dont speak to me like i haven’t made you choke on daddy’s cock before after reader spends all day teasing suna on their day out together and he gets so pissed off that’s he finally has enough and drags reader to a semi public location and makes her suck him off unable to speak and yeah he’s just a teasing shit not letting her get off as he gets his release

☞ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒

this video says differently sweetheart

i found your underwear in my pocket, thought you might need it

you can close your legs now

if you wanted my face between your legs, all you had to do was ask nicely

i only fuck freaks

put on the new makeup, i wanna watch the mascara run down your face as i fuck you

put that mouth to good use and make me cum

don’t speak to me like i haven’t made you choke on daddy’s cock before

brats belong on their knees

your kinks are basic

there’s really no explaining this to our friends, they predicted we’d sleep together eventually

take one for the team

touch yourself and don’t stop, not until i’ve cum

liars don’t get to cum

get to work

if you still think this is just sex, then why am i still here

i know i fuck you stupid, but i haven’t even touched you yet and you’re babbling nonsense baby

creaming on my fingers alone, i’ll have to teach you some manners before our guests arrive

i fucked you on a facetime with my friends and now you want to be shy about them coming over?

it’s only fair that if i caught you, i should be the one to make you cum

say please

i’ve already seen you naked, don’t worry about how you look, worry about how it feels

oh? that’s the only thing you have to say after seeing my cock for the first time when i know you’ve been thirsting over it for weeks? better get to praising my dick baby or you’re never seeing it again

that was very selfish of you baby, and you know i hate selfish people

you should have chosen your words more carefully

use your words, we’re among friends, no need to hide

i came to see a show

your friend said you’ve done this before

i prefer your legs around my neck

for someone who hates how i gawk at your tits you sure do wear a lot of low cut tops around me

i’m going to eat you out right next to your bestie, and if you behave, i might just give you a taste of my cock

is this piercing new?

are you gonna dry hump me all night or are you gonna fuck me like you hate me?

i wanna hear those pretty lips say my name and ask me to breed you like the slut you are

i heard you can show me and friends a good time

you’ve been a very busy baby, lying, evading, tricking me, time to learn a valuable lesson

let’s see what you’ve learned

we only bang on the weekends because you’re so uptight about your parents, i think i’ve been patient enough

i can’t stop looking at those lips, wondering how deep you can take me before you start crying

we...we weren’t supposed to fuck...you’re my best friends ex

dare? get on all fours and i’ll show you why you shoulda picked truth

you look so fucking sexy keeping my dick warm

has anyone touched you here before?

i’m not going to fuck you, i’m going to ruin you

it’s breeding season and i’m only getting started

you keep pretending like you don’t know me but we both know i’m the only one in your bed every other night

this ass was made for fucking

show daddy’s friends a good time

i distinctly remember you fucking my thigh last night

no wonder the rumors are so vulgar, look at that [genitals]

bondage? you really trust me to be kind to you when you’re spread like that?

what did we say about making daddy angry?

that’s really fucked up ... when do we get started?

you gonna give me a sloppy handjob all night or throat me like a real whore?

i...i don’t know how to cum (reader exclusive)

can you really blame them for talking about us? we fuck like rabbits

you have no idea of my bedroom tastes pillow princess

keep taking that cock like i know you can, good … so fucking good

shy sweetheart? why? before long i’ll be burying you in the mattress

kiss you? i can’t do more?

the teams been dreaming of these tits all year

look at the mess you made

how do you run out of condoms?

bring your legs higher, c’mon-fuck not like that, like this

i can shave it for you

i’ll fuck the attitude out of you if you don’t drop it now

one...two...don’t let me get to three

your mouth ruins it, stuff them (spoken to someone else)

stop crying, i know you like choking on me

if you keep touching yourself we’re going to have a serious problem baby, and no ones gonna come to help you

“i can fuck you better than a miya” - kita/aran exclusive quote

you’d cum in front of my friends if i told you to

i taught him how to fuck whores,

i had the volleyball manager begging on her knees for me to fuck her stupid, why should i fuck you?

don’t talk to me with that breedable mouth baby

get used to luxury of these legs baby, you’re gonna be using them tomorrow

you’re gonna be finding marks where you didn’t even know they could be

that’s not what you said on the phone last night

say that again while you’re riding my face

more? you need more? selfish brat. you’re lucky daddy loves you or he’d let his friends have their way with you at the party, you’d deserve it too, watching daddy fist his cock while you took his whole team

breeding brats like you is just another saturday night for me

threaten me again and i’ll breed you in front of your parents

holes like these were made for us

i don’t care if someone sees us, you should have known better than to aggravate me

stop dancing around, do you wanna fuck or not?

shit-wait, i think there’s a security camera in this room

no walking around naked, i have roommates

keep quiet, you don’t want the professor to hear daddy wrecking you

you’ve never looked more like the whore i know you were than letting daddy’s friends fuck you stupid

that picture was meant for me, don’t try denying it

you’re cuffed to the bed, how are you possibly going to dom me?

stupid cumslut, i don’t think you know how fucked you’re going to be when i get a hold of that mouth

you can’t argue with me and expect to win when you’re dicks that hard already

oh? you like it like that? fuck baby, we’re never doing it the other way again

i’m not surprised, you’re all bite and no bark

bring your friends, we can make it a party

i like breaking virgins

i’ll cock warm you three thousand times if it takes learning daddy’s name

no amount of makeup is going to hide that sweetheart

call him, i want him to hear you scream my name and take me

you have a smart mouth for a brat, lets see what it can do

how could you ever forget my cock, i’m the man who made you fuckable

lose the glasses, and the shoes...the gloves too...actually, just take it all off

someone’s a hungry whore today aren’t they?

you could go viral

there isn’t going to be any more confusion as to whose bitch you are after this

you fuck like a pornstar

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kaeiouj · 2 years

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pov: you have an exam coming up but you’re kinda sick

i have my compsci exam tomorrow but i have a bad headache. i havent been sleeping well recently (i literally almost passed out midway through my english exam) and i thought oh. i fucked up haha. and i kinda moved ahead to my ‘being-sick-during-exams’ routine and i realised hey why not i write a post about it so (a) i will look at it from time to time and remember to take a fucking break and (b) maybe i’ll help someone out?

these are all techniques for physical illnesses like a fever, headache, cough, cold or like general tiredness etc etc. i have no clue how to deal with anxiety or being depressed either bestie but if you have any tips feel free to share i need it :’)

take rest. now i know its really basic of me to say this but i cant start this list without saying it. also, this acts as a reminder for everyone who feels bad about taking breaks- you deserve one, breaks are very important and you will not regret it if you actually end up feeling better afterwards, yknow?

drink plenty of water, sleep well, take meds. im the sort of person who kinda forgets to do all this but during exams i write physical reminders to do so. because its extremely important yknow? let me say it this way- drinking water and taking medicine helps you get better. getting better means you can study even the slightest bit better. so do it.

prioritize feeling ‘okay’ at the morning of the exam rather than finishing your syllabus. this is the single most important thing ever so let me expand

from personal experience, i’ve found that even if i am 100% prepared for an exam, i do terrible when im not well at all

and why am i not well? because i stayed up all night studying and not really being healthy

so in the end, even though i was prepared (at the expense of my health) i did bad simply because i got the sickest during the day of my exam

and that really did teach me a lesson lmao. because the next time i was sick the day before an exam, i kinda relaxed on the studying (despite being only like 30% done with the studying), did the bare minimum, made sure to get enough sleep and took medicine.

in addition to that i also made sure i was feeling as upbeat as i could be during the morning of the exam, and eliminated every stressful thing i could.

and i actually did very well for the exam! i was elated because it is pretty difficult to get anything above an 80% and i got 92%. (not me seeking academic validation LMAOOO)

the lesson learnt here is that it doesnt matter how much you study if youre barely functional the day of the exam. it seems simple but really, keep that in mind.

a few extra tips-

go through your exam pattern and syllabus and figure out

most important topics

frequently asked topics

the bare minimum you need to know to do well

and find out what overlaps all three of these and focus on covering those first (make this list of things to cover as short as possible). if you have more time on your hands afterwards try to either do practice questions or cover a bit more of the syllabus (i recommend practice questions).

and finally, a reminder-

you know more than you think you do. i read this sentence in a post somewhere and it honestly struck with me so much? i apply it most to problem solving but you could really use it any context.

so whenever you feel like you know absolutely nothing (which is a quite common feeling actually, dont worry about it)-

take a deep breath.

see if anything feels familiar

work it out slowly

you got this bestie <33 also remember your mental health comes first, toxic productivity is incredibly unsexy and also that everyone has different study techniques so... yeah. all the best!!!

TL;DR

- breaks and rest are IMPORTANT health IMPORTANT

- feeling better the day of the exam >>>>> finishing your syllabus and being a 100% prepared academically but dysfunctional mentally

- it really is okay no matter how you do

- you know more than you think you do

#dark academia #study tips #study inspo #study tips when youre sick #chaotic academia #i think i have to go now lmao #bye bye #kaos reads #grey academia #dark academia study

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twink-frank · 3 years

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hi i’ve noticed the pencey prep gay conversation going on over on @awsugar and i have spent lots of time dissecting pencey prep lyrics and subjecting nathan @faggot-frank to my deranged ramblings so Here is my pencey prep super ultra mega gay lyrical analysis masterpost. it’s very long so its all under the cut but i will include a TL;DR for those who dont wanna read paragraphs of my deranged ramblings: Pencey prep uses lots of themes of: heartbreak, forbidden love, keeping love a secret, and toxic relationships. which none of that is gay on its own but combined with them almost never using gender indicators in their songs and the “nail in the coffin song” of 8th grade it ends up being a very Fruity Album.

I will be going through heart break in stereo in order and pointing out which lyrics and elements of certain songs jump out to me as Super Mega Gay and then summarizing my conclusions at the end <3

1 ) PS Don't Write

PS don't write is about leaving a toxic relationship, it has notes of moving on and leaving someone behind. "packed up all my shit / stole back all my tapes / left your spare key under the mat / this is not a joke / you'd better learn to take a hint / 'cause i'm not coming back / maybe you'll understand / when you're waking up alone / in a cold and empty bed." it has no gender indicators or pronouns which is the case in a lot of pencey prep songs, and something i'll bring up quite a bit. it also has general "coming of age" themes, something common in lots of pencey prep songs. which Yeah apply to straight people to but read in this context combined with future evidence can be pretty Fuckin Gay. "somewhere along the line / i found a hidden strength / i didn't know i had / standing on my own / cutting all the strings / that you used to control / surprise surprise / i am long gone / if you thought you could hold me down / by holding me up / you were wrong / you don't call the shots anymore." not to say only gay people can find inner strength and the room to love themselves but combined with other context it is a really poignant message about accepting yourself for who you are.

2) Yesterday

Yesterday is very repetitive and has a lot less to analyze, but the constant themes of wanting to "run away" strike me as very Fruity. once again, not saying gay people are the only people who can want to run away or escape from something But Combined With Other Context. and once again a song with no gender indicators, doesnt specify who the speaker is running away with or what they are running away from. just that they want to Leave. "i wanna run with you / i don't care what we do / gotta get out of this place / because it feels like yesterday." also saying "it feels like yesterday" could mean that the town feels backwards or old timey in its beliefs, implying homophobia. how the speaker wants to run away from an old fashioned town.

3) Don Quixote

i'm going to bring up the cultural significance of this title and literary reference first. Don Quixote is a classical novel by Cervantes which is about a crazy dude who thinks he's a knight, and goes on weird adventures with his best friend. It's typically used as a symbol of following your dreams and breaking free from what people expect of you. In the context of the song its used as a symbol of following your dreams with Someone. once again this someone is given no gender indicators. "you say it's not worth it / been burned too many times / if your spine's receding / you can borrow some of mine / don't go and quit right now / cause i'd follow you through hell." "you say so many things / and not a word of it was true / if you're still in that state of mind / i'd still vacation inside of you / cause i think you're worth every minute / and every dime that i spend / i'd spend all my time fighting dragons / just to keep you alive and talking." it's about wanting to spend time with someone, wanting to be with them no matter what. and its also about how this person feels unreachable, like being with them would be a fairytail but the speaker Still Reaches for it. "your imaginations running wild / round your deceptive heart / this is my crusade / and you're the unreachable star / but i'm reaching." talking about this person being unreachable and unattainble. which isnt gay By Itself but again combined with the other context. FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

4) 10 Rings

another breakup song once again with no gender indicators, are you guys sensing a theme here? anyways this song is about someone cutting you off and then coming back suddenly wanting to talk again after breaking your heart. it has a sense of forbidden love, like this person Told the speaker they cant be together for Whatever Reason ;] and is now trying to come back and repair their mistake when the speaker is already hurt and reeling. "learn to live with decisions you make / i learned things from the break i can't forget / catch you doing drive-bys at 1 AM / it must kill you to know we can't be friends." "end of the summer you cut me off / i cut you out all the pictures i have." which this Isnt Gay By Itself. but bringing that phrase back with other context this is such a uniquely gay experience. being in love with someone and they cut you off Because theyre weirded out by that and then they try to come back, convince you it meant nothing.

5) The Secret Goldfish

my FAVORITE pencey song. this one has a lot. it's another breakup song about heartbreak and loss and im not even gonna dwell on the no gender indicators because yall see the theme now. it has themes of heartbreak and losing someone who is very close to you and having to let go of them and having to accept that this person cant be yours and you cant be with them. "land of the lost / i found myself in nothing / this time, promises broken find me / clutching to you for something / something that you're not / believing in what you say / it makes me lie awake at night / the truth, the truth is not what scares me / it's why you have to lie / all the time." here we see these themes of having to let someone go because they just Aren't The Same as you. "clutching to you for something / something that you're not." maybe like chasing after a straight boy and getting rejected? also the repetition of "heartbreak is forever" when you're young and gay losing that first person you felt some kind of love and attraction to can feel like the end of the world and can be a huge deal because of the lack of representation and guidance young gays get. and the themes of nothing lasting forever, the fact that gay people never get promised eternal love the same way straight people do.

6) 8th Grade

this song is the nail in penceys fucking coffin honestly. the rest of these songs have a lot of plausible deniability, just vague enough to maybe Not Be Gay. but framed in the context of 8th grade they all start to get a lil fruity. Im just gonna go through lyric by lyric for this one. "caught staring again / like a deer in the headlights / when you can't move fast enough / i take a hit for the team / pretty girl is blushing / i can't tell if she's disgusted / laughter starts to swell / someone gets the joke." this kid was staring at some cute boy ass and got caught and everyone is laughing at him for being gay. the "pretty girl" here is what most people think he's staring at but with the rest of the song it's obvious she's not the one he's looking at. "bells ring, i make my escape / helps a little, but doesn't save / beat downs a common thing / with us every day / maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools / so maybe i like the abuse / or maybe i just like you." literally This is the nail in penceys fucking coffin. "maybe i like the abuse or maybe i just like you." this kid purposefully takes beatings from his bully who is Obviously male if you take into context the next verse. because he Likes Him. "maybe im just strange / cause i dont change schools" literally willingly taking beatings from his bully bc he has a crush. "another confrontation / you've got something to prove / your girl can't tell how tough you are / when you beat me up in the boys room." this just confirms that the subject of the song is a boy, and a tough macho boy with something to prove. maybe also hiding his own internalized homophobia through bullying? "well i made a big mistake / but i can't help who i like / this may not cost my life / but i am branded forever lame." LITERALLY ITS RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. "can't help who i like" "branded forever lame" do i even need to fucking explain this oh my god. he got outed as gay, he Can't Help Who He Likes and is now branded forever as "the gay kid." the rest of the song is general "im gonna get back at my bully" stuff but literally THIS. THIS is the song that brands all penceys other very vague songs as 100% verified super mega ultra gay.

7) 19

this song has a lot less, and is more about internal struggle than anything. but it is the only song with a "she" pronoun in it. but there is one thing i wanna mention. "I scream out loud / but no one hears a sound / i take my life with lack of sleep / i believe the things i feel / the things i see are fooling only me." this song is about not believing what the world shows you, believing what you think is true in your heart and what You feel. not what anyone else tells you. which is a gay experience. believing in yourself and your heart and your feelings, believing theyre right and theyre true and valid. Also this song has a significance in coming right after 8th grade on the album, going from being 13 to 19, from being unsure in your feelings and angry about the people who dont like you to lost and hopeless but somewhat grounded in yourself.

8) Trying To Escape The Inevitable

this song is about an abusive and toxic relationship, knowing you Need to escape it but being so infatuated with the person you literally cant. “i have this reoccurring dream / you make it hard for me to breathe / i gave you everything i could / i gave up everything i owned / and when you smile it’s not for me / you offer little sympathy / your grasp so far exceeds your reach / i wake up, this is not a dream.” “i have this reoccuring dream / where you admit that you’re not happy / i know that you will never leave / you’re here just to torment me.” which like again this isnt an exclusively gay experience but it is very interesting when framed that way. in that gay people are way more likely to throw themselves into abusive and toxic relationships because they dont feel like they can get anybody else. the repetition of “i know i should run” makes it seem like the speaker Knows he should get out but he just Cant because what if he never finds love again? and the little reprise in the middle “i have a new dream / and everything is perfect / the sky is pink, yellow, green, blue, and orange / and all the past has been forgotten / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and we fell in love / and i fell into your trap.” implying that even if he escapes, even in his dreams he still falls for this person because he feels like he cant have anything else.

9) Lloyd Dobbler

another love song about wanting to have someone but not being able to because of Unspecified Forbidden Reasons. “why are you so far away / even when you’re standing next to me? / your eyes give you away / telling secrets your mouht don’t feel like talking.” falling in love with someone, maybe sensing that they like you too. that they Are Like You and that they have a Secret they dont want to vocalize. do i even need to explain it at this point? and in the chorus “That I’ll be your lloyd dobbler / with a boom box out in the street / and i’ll be there if you need someone / even if he isn’t me.” saying you’ll be there for someone even if that person isn’t you, also the use of Pronouns which is big for pencey prep. which yes the use of “even if he isnt me” could imply a straight girl ooorrr....Fruit Behavior. also this line “There’s a norman rockewll painting / of two kids sitting on a bench / it reminds me of all the stupid things / i’d like for us to share, but i dont care.” normal rockwell is a painter that paints traditionally “american” scenes. like the american ideal, that maybe he wants with this person. but he knows he cant have, but its stupid and domestic and he wants it but he Cant Have It because of FRUIT BEHAVIOR.

10) Florida Plates

another of my favorite pencey songs, and this one brings back those tragic “love but we cant have it” themes, except with a more somber tone. instead of being angry or resentful or spiteful in the face of adversity. its an Acceptance, of what they had and how good it was and how it just Cant Last. “kiss a mouth to open eyes / stall one last moment before goodbye / drive in different cars in different directions / never write all the letters full of good words, better intentions / it’s for the best although we don’t know it / paper words will cheapen the moments we shared / it’s better if i say nothing at all.” it’s about knowing you have to leave someone, even if having them in the moment is great they Can’t Stay and you can’t even talk or write about the moments you had. which do i even need to explain it at this point? forbidden love, not being able to have each other, not even being able to Talk about it. its a secret, and painful one but its beautiful while you have it. Conclusion alright!!! thank you so so much if you read all the way through that i Know it was long i Know it was a lot of repetition but i wanted to make my point. pencey prep has very big gay themes in their music. with forbidden love, letting go, heartbreak, keeping secrets, toxic realtionships. which none of it is gay on its own but in the context of: almost none of the songs having clear gender indicators and always speaking really vaguely about the subject and Eight Grade the “nail in the coffin song” you can see my point thank you and goodnight.

#adrian speaks #mcr #pencey prep #frank iero

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surviving---not---living · 3 years

Text

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

#abusive relationship #tw abuse #mine #relationship #please help me #help #relationship advice #fiancé #couple problems #manipulative #maybe #physical abuse #lost #scared #lonely #what do i do

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Imo there is enough to support the possibility of a romantic relationship, but you are writing full on narratives with impossible specificity. You know what confirmation bias is but some young impressionable people dont yet . Forgive me but misleading with ' alt facts' can hurt someone even if you dont mean it. I think you are a good person not looking to hurt anyone. But the way you postulate without any evidence makes your actions a little but like those of a charlatan. Peace and kindness

All these kind words you spew...

It feels more like an advice than a question so I'm not sure how to respond to it...

Let me just say thank you? I never quite understood what the brouhaha was about with my posts but after talking to a few people, 'on the other side' lol and reading your Ask, I think I'm starting to get a better sense of what the problem is.

Something about young impressionable minds or people?

Let the council of elders know, those are not my audience please. I cater to a much more mature audience- at least so far. The people that I interact with and engage with on my posts on and off Tumblr are very mature and not impressionable at all.

They are People with brains who can tell an opinion from fact and can engage in deep complex controversial conversations without throwing up, shedding tears or cussing through to the heavens.

If there are 'impressionable people' reading my blogs- they do so at their own risk. If you know any such people or they run to you with my theories kindly point out to them it's just theory because that's what my opinions are.

I think the best thing you can do is to advice such people to grow up if they are going to sit at the adult table or not read my posts at all. I think you need to learn to hold the right people accountable for their actions.

The best I can do in this case- to hold myself accountable, is to put up a disclaimer on my posts to let people know what it is that they are reading- something I do quite often. But I will make conscious efforts to put up those disclaimers each time henceforth. Thank you.

That I write full on narratives with impossible specificity:

Is this Latin for, 'you write fiction get the fuck outta here?' Chilee.

I don't even know what you mean by this exactly so I may not be able to respond to it to your satisfaction. Bare with me.

So what if I write fiction? What is wrong with writing fiction? Do you hate fiction writers? I don't get what the hate is with these complaints honestly. Do you want me to put up a disclaimer stating my blogs are fiction? Would that help? I would glady do it.

If it helps you sleep at night think of my blogs as fiction- a rose by any other name. I've been keeping up with Shakespeare. Lol.

I don't think it's that deep. Listen, you gotta understand that just because we both 'ship' Jikook don't mean we are on the same team...

Most alt shippers I know and who read my posts and engage with it are not even Army to begin with, for your information. They could care less about these shipping politics of yours. Have you thought about that?

Some simply ship JK and JM and support them because they believe they are members of the LGBTQ plus community not because they are part of BTS.

There are different communities out there who are also into Jikook- for very different reasons. You gotta respect that.

To you, Jikook is just a ship within BTS that may or may not be real, but to some of us they have very much outgrown that description...

They are a brand of their own, a power couple and members of the LGBTQ plus community- Gay Icons extraordinaire. I think we take very different stock in Jikook. So stop trying to fit us all into one box.

It's disrespectful to try and control the way that people perceive their OTP and support them. Jikook don't just belong to Army Jokers, they belong to different communities outside Army. Are you aware of that?

And please don't confuse the intersect. I am an alt-shipper yes but I just so happen to be an Army too. But if I wasn't an Army, I'd still pretty much 'ship' and support Jikook- make no mistake. There are quite a few of us running around these streets, you know?

So you have every right to want to gatekeep your Army Jikook- but you have to do that without infringing on other rights of other 'Jikook communities.'

Throughout my blogs I have tried to shed light on what altshipping is because I thought it would help bridge the gap but clearly that hasn't worked. Sigh.

Misleading alt facts

Do you not know what it means or you are just being ironic?👀

Why is it ok for you to believe and proclaim that JK and BigHit lied about JK dating the Tattoo artist but it's not ok for me to believe JK is telling the truth when he says he didn't date her and that BigHit saw an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone- hence why they didn't press charges against the shop for breach of privacy like they had said they were going to do. Instead, they had asked the shop to keep calm till the scandal died down on it's own?

You start your piece off with the whole, 'there is enough evidence to support a romantic relationship' between JK and the tattoo shop lady- I assume.

For context, this Ask by this anon is in response to my recent post/ answer on the tattoo girl scandal where the topic of discussion was on BigHit, JK and the tattoo artist and not Jikook perse.

A statement that is in direct conflict with JK's statement, BigHit's and the lady in questions, all denying that there was a romantic relationship between her and Jungkook- and somehow I am misleading who- who now with my theory??? Chileee.

Do you see the problem here? Double standards- the hallmark of bigotry. Lmho. You are literally doing the very thing you are accusing me of. Making confident assertions and claiming you know more about JK and the Lady's relationship and even have 'enough evidence' contrary to BigHit, JK and the Tattoo artist's statements denying the rumors- at least when I theorize I admit I'm being delusional. What's your excuse? When you say charlatan are you referring to yourself? You must be. Lmho.

Now I'm confident in my comprehension skills and intelligent enough to know when you make an assertion like this- it is your opinion and you are just stating your opinion. If you are not then honey you'd be opening yourself up to some serious litigation... goodluck I guess. Lol.

You are allowed to form an opinion about a topic. There is nothing wrong with that. If to you, JK and this person dated that is fine. I am not going to cyber bully you, stalk you, throw slurs at you, harrass you, dox you, slid into people's Dms to spread hate and lies about you just because I don't agree with your opinion. And for the record, I don't agree with your opinion. Hehehehe.

I have stated my opinion on the matter. I said I think JK and this person did hang out, go on dates but that there was no romantic sexual relationship between them because I believe that would have had much serious consequences and effects on Jikooks dynamics no matter how much they tried to keep a cool facade. Whoever felt cheated on would have acted more insecure than usual post the incident- how does this make me a charlatan? Are you saying it's wrong it have an opinion? Chileee.

Now if you can produce 'evidence' of them having sex or even kissing, then I will gladly change my mind on the topic and not sweat it.

Jikook have done way worse questionable things in 7 good years and people still don't believe they are dating. Jk hangs out with a female friend a few times in less than a month and suddenly he is dating her? Lmho.

You don't need me to tell you people are more eager to accept a heterosexual relationship than wrap their heads around the fact that two male idols are gay and in a gay relationship with eachother. Don't you just love it when homophobia meets heteronormativity and stinks? I do. Lol.

I mean this is a fandom that thinks JK is 'too touchy' and doesn't respect his boundaries- they practically swear JK is cheating on Jimin with every member any time he hugs, kisses, wings at within the group. You think they will be 'objective' about JK hanging out with a girl? Even if it happened once?

You said something about confirmation bias.... I will not touch it. Lmho.

This is not the first time JK has gone on a date with a girl. This is not the first time he has 'dated a girl', he has hand girls on his laps or whatever- what is a back hug? I think people need to stop defining Jikook's lives by their own standards. If a backhug is intimate to you. Thats you. If you think a grown ass man cannot hang out with a female friend, that's equally you.

You think if he thought it was inappropriate and risky he would do it 'in public?' Get with Kpop Idol dating culture. Lmho.

Do you know the lengths they go through to keep their relationships a secret? Especially non celebrity girlfriends? Chen from EXO got married and where is his wife? They keep their flings tighter than Trump keeps his toupee on his head. Lol.

They hide them not out of shame but out of love and the need to protect their loved ones. These idols have family members who have their restaurants and businesses shut down because they want to keep their privacy.

You think JungKook's girlfriend would- on her own, issue a statement regarding a scandal that Jungkook's agency had specifically directed her and her shop to keep quiet about and lay low till it blew away on its own? And later, started liking couple posts about her and JK? If they were dating, certainly JK would have dumped her after that move. In my opinion.

You think JK would let his fandom drag the person he is in a relationship with to the extent she loses her Job- when in his Itaewon gay pub scandal BigHit referred to the issue as his private affair immediately it happened? They could have kept the same energy with her, no?

They handled his gay pub scandal much better, with much respect and consideration for his privacy- if he dated her sorry but she mustn't have meant much to him at all. And if I were her I would have dumped him for that shit and not stay liking couple posts about us. Damn- But do you.

Taehyung was in a scandal with a girl too- did you see her liking posts and shit and going out of her way to do the most? Did you see how BigHit handled that scandal?

Nothing wrong if JK is 'dating' her or had 'dated' her and whatever person he decides he wants to be in a relationship with I will support him- that's why I support Jikook.

But your opinion is equally valid my guy. Just don't call me a charlatan for mine. You believe they dated, I believe they didn't- and to your impressionable young minds, I hope you are not selling them anything contrary to BigHit and JK's statement. That would be very irresponsible of you. Lol.

What else did you say?

Oh postulating without evidence...

Next time I write a theory based on my observations about Jikook, remind me to break off a piece of my brain and attach it to it- I guess that way people would finally understand when I say things like 'I think' 'in my opinion' 'I feel' 'I believe' that these are just my thoughts and opinions and not facts.

Let me leave you with this:

Peace and kindness. Namaste.

Signed,

GOLDY.

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spookypotato · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday @marauderss-hp!

I hope you have a fantastic day! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Best wishes!

I hope you like this, as I couldn't get you a real gift, I made this.

This is also a small sorry or make up for yesterday

Perfect Difficulties

9th of march, 11.45 pm

"Hey", it came from the darkness of their dormitory, "can't sleep?"

It was Sirius voice.

"No", Remus groaned, almost loud enough to wake the others. "I just- what if I don't get one? I'm a werewolf we're not meant to have soulmates."

Remus could hear the other boy moving. "If you don't, then you don't." He could hear the blanket being thrown over the bed, bare feet touching the floor. "Doesn't mean you'll ever be alone, dont get your hopes up now, Moony." Steps connecting Sirius bed and his. He could hear and see now, his drapes being slid open. "Although I am pretty sure, people would actually kill to be with a beautiful," Sirius was sitting on his bed now. "smart," he looked back and Remus moved to the edge of the bed. "mischievous", moving the blanket he slid underneath it, next to Remus, muttering a silencing charm to not disturb the others with their conversation. "wonderful werewolf like you.", Sirius moved and just hugged Remus under the blankets.

He felt a bit better now. He felt the worry leave his body, even for just a few seconds. He felt almost relaxed.

His friend didn't let go and Remus was glad about it. He knew as soon as he moved, the dread would seep back into him.

"When did you get yours again?", he asked, still intervened with his friend.

"My birthday, my birth time. Do you even know yours?"

"5.37 am"

"Want to wait it out, or look at it in the morning?"

Remus would have said, that he didn't think he would be able to sleep with all the adrenaline in him. That he was too nervous. All the doubts and fears, everything that could go wrong, he had imagined. But somehow, Sirius tight hug, the feeling that no matter if his fear came true, he would at least still have his friends, he felt tired.

"I'll look at it in the morning. It'll be fine.", he said more to himself, than to Sirius, a yawn following a few seconds after.

Sirius didn't move away. He didnt go back to his bed and Remus was thankful for that. He could use the comfort. He even felt the others arms tighten a bit around his body as he heard a whispered, "I will be fine. Good night, Moony."

He could only manage a soft noise in response, before he fell asleep.

10th of march, 5.30 am

Remus was sitting in his bed. Next to him, there was Sirius, on his stomach, face turned in his direction. For all Remus knew, the boy could be a ancient Greek sculpture. He didnt move, and his aristocratic features could certainly belong to some kind of god.

Remus moved his eyes from his friends sleeping form, back to the problem at hand. Literally.

On his wrist, there were letters. Remus didn't know why they were already there. Sirius had told him, they would appear at his birth time. On his birthday. Well, they were here now. He guessed it could have something to do with the werewolf parts of him, maybe they had messed up the process. He just hoped they hadnt messed anything else up.

"I have a soulmate.", he whispered to himself, careful not to wake anyone. He couldn't believe it. He had a soulmate.

His eyes were transfixed on his wrist. He could see each white lines, forming white letters, forming a sentence. The first sentence his soulmate would say to him, after it appeared.

"Do you even know yours?"

Yes, that didnt really give away any characteristics, nor was it a compliment to him, like he had heard a lot of people get, but it was a sentence from his soulmate. His existing soulmate.

He imagined, what it would be like, to meet them. He thought about the context in which such a sentence would make sense.

"Hello, excuse me could I maybe borrow your phone? I really need to call my friend, it's an emergency. -shit, nevermind I can't remember his number."

"Do you even know yours?"

"Smooth move, stranger.", Remus thought to himself, shaking his head. This was ridiculous.

"HeLLo, StRanGeR! I might be a tiny bit drunk, but could I have your address so we can take this somewhere else?"

"Do you even know yours?"

Wow, yeah hopefully that's not how it goes.

He was shaken out of his thoughts, by the sleeping form next to him moving. "So he was alive", Remus whispered in Sirius direction.

"Happy birthday. Time?", was Sirius simple reply, but even though it was only a few words, Remus could hear the roughness in his voice from sleeping even then.

He cast a tempus charm and stated, "Thank you, and 6.25 am"

"Shit", Sirius scrambled up, which almost threw Remus of the bed in his surprise. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So?", he asked clearly excited, glancing at Remus, his eyes flickering to his wrist.

"Calm down.", he said to himself as much as to Sirius, as the other boys excitement brought his own back.

"You got one right?"

"Yes." A smirk was forming on his lips.

Sirius mirrored his expression. "Come on, don't leave me hanging, describe it!"

"Alright, alright.", Remus laughed, a bit overwhelmed by his friends enthusiasm as always. "So it's right here", he drew a line over the words and Sirius' eyes followed his finger. "and it's a cursive handwriting, very neat, a bit less than yours, but it looks nice. And it looks almost like a scar on my arm, so I fits with-"

"What?!", Sirius interruped him. "So it's not red?!"

"No? Is it supposed to be? My dad told me his is white.", he added as if to explain himself.

"It-", Sirius broke of. He looked like a mix of happiness and confusion, hesitation and determination. "Remus, it only turns from red to white, once you've heard the words. Once you know it's your soulmate, the person you'll spend the rest of your life with."

Remus was confused. Why hadn't he known the words weren't supposed to be white yet.

"Soulmarks will appear on your wrist, the day of your birth, at the time of your birth. They will turn white, once your soulmate has said the words on your skin, as the first ones directed at you, after your mark has appeared.", Sirius explained further.

"I-, I haven't talked to anyone since then. I was sleeping.", the fears crept back into his mind. Maybe it was broken. Maybe it was just there to taunt him. See what you could have had? Creatures dont get soulmates. It wasnt supposed to be. It was just a mistake in the algorithm of the universe. The words were never meant to appear. Nobody would say them. Nobody would speak those words to him.

"What does it say?", he heard a very quiet, very hesitant voice from his side.

No use to keep them s secret now, since there isn't actually a real soulmate to say those words.

"Do you even know yours?"

"Off course I do. There on my wrist, I could read them to you right now." He moved his arm out from under the blanket and read, obviously not noticing Remus disstress to be understood nor the confusion about Sirius just reading his words out loud. No one was supposed to know until the words were said and Remus was fairly sure there was no soulmate Sirius spent tim with behind their backs.

Sirius looked Remus in the eyes, which flickered back to his wrist quickly after their eyes had locked.

He read, "No, saying 'It's my birthday' won't get you into less detention for a prank."

Remus was frozen.

"Always the voice of reason, Moony.", Sirius replied smugly.

"You- You? You knew?"

"Could you sound any less enthusiastic?", Sirius voice almost sounded disappointed.

"No! No, Padfoot, I'm not. I'm just confused.", Remus told him, his hand brushing against the back of his friends. "The first words you said to me today were 'Happy Birthday.'. It doesn't make sense."

And then Remus remembered. Almost midnight in the dormitory. Arms tight around him, comforting him. Whispering voices.

"When did you get yours again?"

"My birthday, my birth time. Do you even know yours?"

"5.37 am"

And as it all came together, he felt - happy. Truley happy. Sirius was his soulmate. He looked at the boy next to him. Aware of their closeness now. He had never felt more comfortable. He took his friends hand, that he had been brushing against since they had woken up. Pressing a soft kiss to the others knuckles, he told him, "If I had been able to choose a soulmate, I couldn't have made a better choice than you." And it was true. He couldnt believe his luck. For the first time, he was happy about how the universe had led his life, right to this moment, in the arms of this incredible boy. His soulmate.

#harry potter #remus lupin #sirius black #my work #short #soulmate au #amilias birthday #birthday #wolfstar #marauder era #hogwarts era #fanfic #wolfstar fic #written by meee

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wiltking · 3 years

Text

no one asked for this but here’s a brief explanation for every song on my burakhovsky playlist. it includes brief lyric translations and breakdowns.

disclaimer; ive only played classic and i havent completely finished it either. also im not 100% fluent in russian, but i do try my best.

---

yellow love

all i feel is celestial desire a distant joy is dancing all around me all i see is yellow in the spring air how beautifully the color worked itself in

the only track on this playlist that's in english but it was too good to leave out. the most obvious connection is the color yellow - a nod to the yellow tone of areas that have survived infection and become safezones for a day. the comfort of walking through one of those yellow zones and knowing that you're safe, at least for a moment.

it also sets the foundation for a few other songs down the line with the celestial theme - the feverish celestial pull of love.

---

океан // ocean

Ты видишь, что взгляд мой усталый // you see the tiredness in my eyes Мой друг, верни мне покой // my friend, bring me back to peace Мой друг, верни мне покой // my friend, bring me back to peace

i know there is no ocean in the steppe. but if you substitute for steppe for ocean in this context, it works well enough. and if you think about it, a sea of grass is still a sea. and more importantly this song is about a desire for peace. about having no where to go back to but the place you are currently in. and wanting to stay here, forever and ever.

Hо я не вернусь, я весь твой // but i won't go back, i'm all yours

and that part just gets to me.

---

мякоть // pulp (the meat of fruit)

я вырастил сердце на грядке // i grew my heart in a garden надеюсь, оно там в порядке // i hope its okay there я вырастил сердце на грядке // i grew my heart in a garden просил поливать его часто // and asked to water it often

this whole song is a goldmine and i could go through it line by line but to keep it simple i see this song being about the time when daniil inevitably leaves town on gorkhon, goes back home to his dear thanatica, and yearns for the heart he left behind. and he knows he left it there, it was a conscious decision, but it still pains him in a distant way.

и мякоть, и мягкость, и нежность // and pulp and softness and tenderness созрели довольно поспешно // ripen rather quickly но я не тороплюсь его слушать // but im in no hurry to listen to [the heart]

and daniil doesn't regret leaving, he knows it was the right decision because he still has so much he needs to do. but that doesn't lessen the ache. and the yearning for softness and tenderness.

хоть что-то решить - это сложно // to decide on something is difficult я с радостью срезал бы ножиком // i'd gladly sever it with a knife

and when the yearning builds - he feels stuck, torn between two places - the town and artemy, and his studies and livelihood in thanatica. and he almost wishes he could cut all ties. but he can't, because the heart doesn’t deserve to rot or wilt. because its full of pulp and softness and tenderness.

---

рельсы // rails (traintracks)

мы сегодня сонные // we are sleepy today но мы рядом // but we're near (almost there) это должно избавить от яда // this should get rid of the poison

this song connects to мякоть by referring to the destination of a train ride as a garden. in other words, the town on gorkhon is a garden, in which daniil is inevitably returning to. and only once he gets there, will he be able to breathe.

расскажи, кто ты такой, // tell me about who you are почему всегда налегке // and why its always light давай говорить // lets talk на любом языке // in any language

initially i took this as a nod to how you can play the game in russian or english, but after further consideration i like the thought of it meaning that danill eventually learns more of the kin's language, enough to carry conversations in it with artemy.

---

то что рождает весна // what spring gives birth to

Запутался, кто я и для чего создан // confused about who i am and what i was created for И что между нами случилось тогда // and what happened between us then

i think this speaks for itself.

Мы плавно перешли с тобой на «ты» // we smoothly switched to [using the casual pronoun] 'you'

re: this exchange in patho 2:

Daniil: Так что и вы не смейтесь надо мной, коллега. Как вас там… эрдэм. so, don't you [formal] laugh at me, colleague. how are you... erdem? Artemy: Ты проверял?.. То есть… вы проверяли? you [casual] checked? ... rather... you [formal] checked? Daniil: Можно и на ты. Да, проверял. It's okay to use 'you' [casual]. Yes, I checked.

---

рассвет // sunrise

Каменный остров, танцы на костях // island of stones, dancing on bones Сын девяностых помнит, кем не стал // son of the nineties remembers who he did not become Где для него место, где – покой // where is the place for him, where is the peace Это не просто, знать, что мир не твой // this is not easy - to know that the world is not yours

i see this as mostly a song about artemy. about him returning home and coming into his role there. but i also remember when daniil told block that his father wanted him to be a soldier, as well as his Conversation with the Powers That Be. so i think there's some overlap there.

Где для меня место, где покой? // where is the place for me, where is peace? Мне нужен воздух, место и покой // i need air, space and peace.

it’s all about a desire for peace. all of it.

---

дом // home

Отпусти я не буду мешать тебе найти свой дом // let me go, i won't get in the way of you finding your home Давай верить что мы в нем вдвоем // lets believe that we are in it together

Твой путь не легче чем мой / your path is not easier than mine Давай я буду идти за тобой / let me follow you

by this point i think its obvious that i see both daniil and artemy struggling to have a place that they truly feel is home. and after the events of pathologic, they have a lot of work to do as individuals when it comes to building those homes. but as much as they understand that, they still have this connection between them that makes them want to build a home together. and its about the tug and pull of their different paths, which aren't so different after all.

---

по сырой траве // on (along) damp grass

по сырой траве // on the damp grass да босой ногой // with bare feet по услуший земле // on the sleeping earth мы пойдём с тобой // we will go with you

this one is all about daniil following artemy. its about him trusting him. following his guidance about the steppe and seeing the beauty in it.

это ночь без бесаких сомнений // this night without any doubts колыбелью станет для нас // will become a cradle for us нам подарит уюта мгновение // will gift us a moment of comfort мы узнаем любовь в первый раз // we will know love for the first time

that last line just gets to me every time and i dont think i need to say any more. its about the vibe.

---

ускользает // slipping away

Я не знаю, где искать // i don't know where to look Где среди домов в холоде // where among the houses in the cold Где горит твоя молодость // where your youth is burning Не переживай, не переживай, не переживай // don't worry don't worry don't worry Не смотри как // don't look at how Ускользает // its slipping away

honestly i just love this song and wanted an excuse to listen to it more. but i also like to picture daniil and artemy growing old together.

---

родинки // [skin] moles

Я посчитаю родинки // i will count your moles Их больше сотни на тебе // there are more than a hundred of them on you Я заберу тебя с собой // i will take you with me Целоваться до утра // kiss you until morning

this one is just cute.

---

давай?! // let's go?!

Вверх по спирали, // up the spiral К черту все детали, // fuck all the details Все ракеты на старт... // all missiles on launch...

there's no question that this reminds me of daniil's canon ending in patho 1.

Выше и выше, // higher and higher Я слышу как ты дышишь, // i hear you breathing И хочу сказать...// and i want to say... Знаешь... // you know...

В городах, уже правды нет, // in cities there is no longer truth Давай мы улетим от всех?! // let's fly away from everyone!?

so if we're going along the line that daniil has destroyed the town, and he can't go back to thanatica and he has no reason to stay here in the town on gorkhon, and he has utterly no where to go, i like to think that he might have the desire to ask artemy to leave with him.

---

ты моё // you are my

поле, ты моё поле // field, you are my field

more steppe imagery.

душу и сердце моё исцели // heal my soul and heart

self-explanatory

двое, хас только двое // two, there are only two of us мы летнее солнце в осенней груди // we are the summer sun in autumn's chest

two halves of a single whole...and as healers they are the light that shines upon the town during the autumn sand pest pandemic.

---

забери // take

расскажи мне о радости дня // tell me about the joy of day нам бы только успеть до рассвета // we only have time until dawn

я хочу прикоснуться к тебе // i want to touch you [...] забери меня к себе // take me to your place

it's all about the physical intimacy. just a very gentle song that i think they deserve. all of studio’78′s songs have this gentleness to them, as well a very poetic lyrical sense that fits with them so so well.

---

доктор // doctor

когда доктор придёт // when the doctor comes скажите ему, что я уже мёртв // tell him im already dead пускай волнуется, щупает пульс // let him worry, check my pulse душа моя танцем в небе закружится // my soul that's dancing in the sky will spiral

"i'm causing problems on purpose"

---

кавказ / caucasus

к подножью самых южных гор // to the foot of the southernmost mountains я буду нежно целовать // i will kiss you tenderly как будто в самый первый раз // as if its the very first time

i just like to picture them traveling together. that's all.

---

tldr; it’s all about the нежность.

#cringe. but im free

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oakleaf--bearer · 3 years

Text

i was thinking about jons ‘dont touch me’ in 187, so i wrote this as a way of processing those thoughts

pt 2

its also on ao3

cw//

-panic attacks

-ptsd/trauma

-hurt/comfort

Jon has a.... complicated relationship with touch. He's never been one to show affection physically, choosing instead to listen to people and remember what they told him. He still knows how Georgie got the scar on her knee and why she thinks Labyrinth 'just gets it' as a film. Both things she told him in passing, but both things that stuck with him far more than her touching him.

Jon didn't think Martin was particularly physical either, but then he'd taken Martin's hand and pulled him out of the Lonely and suddenly Jon never wanted to let go. He spent the train ride from Euston to Glasgow wondering if Martin wanted him to let go, and the train ride from Glasgow to Perth trying to remember any other time they had touched. Casual shoulder brushes in the corridor were common as the archives weren't exactly spacious. Martin helped patch him up after Michael stabbed him, but that had been fleeting; one quick embrace just before Jon left for the Unknowing, but lingering. Not like this.

Ten hours.

By the time they reached Inverness, Martin's hand had been holding Jon's for ten hours. Probably more, counting all the time on the platforms. As they stood staring at the rental car, Jon realised he would have to let go at some point.

"So..." Martin started.

"Yes." Jon squeezed his hand a little tighter. "Right."

"We should-" He pointed at the doorway. "You know."

"Of course."

Jon knew he was stalling. He just didn't want to let go.

Martin sighed and pulled Jon towards him. "Give me the keys."

"What? No, I'll drive, you need sleep."

"No offence, but you've spent years living in central London. When was the last time you actually drove?"

Jon opened his mouth to respond, then paused. He couldn't quite remember. "You have a point." He handed him the keys.

"I know I do. Besides, it'll be nice to drive in the countryside, I haven't done it in years." Martin walked to the driver-side door. "I always used to take main roads whenever I visited Mum, so I haven't seen actual fields in ages." He paused, one hand on the door handle and gently pulled with the other. "I will need that hand."

"Oh, right, sorry." Jon let go and the seal was broken. He immediately missed the sensation of Martin's palm against his. "Right."

Jon remained standing there, watching Martin open the door and climb in. Martin looked up at him and gestured to the other side of the car.

"Oh." Jon hurried to the passenger-side door.

The urge to reach across the console and put a hand on Martin's arm was so strong that Jon nearly caved, but then they were pulling out of the car park and setting off for the safehouse.

Later. There would be time later.

Always later.

The safehouse was small, a tiny patch of land with an even tinier cottage.

They awkwardly shuffled around each other as they unpacked. The duffel bag of supplies Basira had given them would last a few days, but they would still need to go shopping.

Jon was on tiptoes, trying to reach to one of the higher cupboards to put away a tin of soup. He hadn't heard Martin enter the room.

A small, amused sound was the only warning he got before there was a hand on the small of his back.

Jon flinched so hard he dropped the tin. He sprang away from the touch, needing to put space between them. Get away, get away, get away.

"Jon?"

Hot wax.

"Jon, can you hear me?"

Plastic hands covered in lotion.

"Jon, I need you to breathe, can you do that for me?"

Elias' enthusiastic encouragement of his 'progress' with a hand on his shoulder.

"I won't touch you, but I need you to tell me what's wrong."

Hands pinning him to a tree, knife against his throat, threats growled into his ear, the knowledge that he is about to die burning in his brain.

"It's just me, it's just me, here, look at me."

Martin's hands bracketing his face, not touching, just waiting, there if he needs him, if he wants him.

"Jon?"

Martin.

Jon was on the floor. He didn't remember collapsing, but he must've. He was curled against the fridge, Martin crouched in front of him, beautiful blue eyes wide with concern. Martin was holding his hands up, leaving a few inches of space between them, enough that he wasn't touching Jon, but Jon could easily lean into him if he wanted. Jon did a mental checklist. No bandages, not even a scratch. All the scars on his body were old now. He was okay, there were no hands on his arms, no fingertips digging bruises into his wrists, nothing holding him down, to stop him from getting away.

Only Martin.

Jon exhaled slowly.

"What happened?"

"Touch. I, ah, I didn't expect you to touch me." He didn't meet Martin's eyes. "It startled me."

"Oh Jon," Martin sighed, sitting on the floor properly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think."

"No, it's fine. It's just- It's easier to be prepared when I know it's coming."

"I am so, so sorry."

"You didn't know."

"I could've guessed. You've been through hell, Jon. Not wanting touch is understandable."

"I don't not want it, I just- I want it to be easy again. Like on the train." He stared down at his hands. "That was so simple. And I liked it, I liked holding your hand, letting go was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but then I didn't know how to-" He groaned. "I wanted to have one nice thing for once, but now I've ruined it."

"Ruined it? Jon, you haven't ruined anything. Sure, things are a little different, but all this has done is provide context. I know to ask in the future, that's all."

Jon frowned. "Ask? Ask what?"

"If you're okay with me touching you."

Jon shook his head. "Why would you- Why ask?"

It was Martin's turn to frown. "In case something like this happens again. I don't want to accidentally trigger you by doing something you're not comfortable with."

Jon just blinked at him, confused.

"Jon," Martin said slowly, "When was the last time someone asked if they could touch you?"

That was easy, it was... Wait. Daisy? No, she would just curl up against him in silence. Basira? Melanie? They'd hardly ever touched to begin with. Tim? He could barely stand to be near Jon in the end, let alone touch him. Jude had demanded he shake her hand; it was a bargaining chip, not consent. Nikola had gagged him to stop his pleas to be released, to have a single moment free of touch. Elias had never asked if Jon was okay with anything.

Jon couldn't remember the last time someone had put a hand on him out of kindness.

Bile rose in his throat. Martin seemed to notice just at the last second and he thrust the mop bucket in front of Jon.

His stomach was far too empty to actually vomit, but his body still worked through the motions, shaking with exertion as he wretched into the bucket.

"Jon, can I touch your hair? I need to get it out of your way."

'I know to ask in the future.'

Words failed him, but Jon managed to nod. Martin caught his motion and reached out to stroke Jon's hair away from his face. He steered clear of Jon's neck, only brushing his fingers through the hair there briefly as he gathered it all into a loose ponytail in his fist.

Jon leant into it. When his body had calmed down, he looked up at Martin and gave him a weak smile.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise."

Jon nodded. Logically, he knew it wasn't his fault. His head filled with facts about trauma response and coping mechanisms, but he shoved them aside in favour of slowly reaching out to take Martin's free hand. Martin watched his movement carefully, ready to pull back at any sign of distress.

Martin's fingertips brushed against Jon's cheek.

"This is okay?" Martin whispered.

Jon nodded and closed his eyes, feeling the sensation of Martin's hands, one in his hair, one on his cheek.

"Yes." Jon's voice was hoarse. "Yes, this is okay."

#tma fanfic #the magnus archives #tMa

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