#fellow transmascs you know it's true
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#fellow transmascs you know it's true#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#chilchuck#chilchuck tims#he's got that cis man butch masculinity
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hello, I apologize on the behalf of my fellow angry people in your inbox.
I'm also a little angry but I'm doing my best to put that aside because I'm trying to understand you. Please understand that I'm not trying to hurt you with this or anything. This comes from a place of genuine intrigue (while also kind of mad).
Why do you feel the need to define yourself using the transfem label? I get that you think of yourself as approaching femininity from a masculine start point. You said earlier that it's a different, new kind of femininity, like two different sodas. How? Why? From what I understand being a woman is not choosing a monolith out of a henge but instead just identifying with a group. Why are you getting out of the group only to return to a different part of the same group?
I know men and other bigender/multigender/etc people who started as men, fucked around with being a woman or nonbinary for a while and then either returned to masculinity or kept it as part of them. None that I know of insist of saying they're transmasc the way you do. [I have also seen afab people do the same thing, I'm not making this a birthgender thing, I just used this example somewhere else] I myself, during a period of my life "detransitioned" from transwoman to nonbinary and I did not consider myself transmasc for that.
My kneejerk reaction is of course "fuck you, get your effeminate hands off my special little word" [I'm making fun of myself] but after reading through everything you posted recently and thinking about shit I'm asking myself why. Why do they want the word?
possible answers include:
they just want it
internalized misogyny causing them to grow disillusioned with their previous identity as a woman but they still feel like one and wish to return to it under a new pretext
genuinely feels like they have disconnected entirely with womanhood while transistioning and wants to reconnect
I'm doing a shit job of summarizing my feelings on this, I apologize.
Also, why do you refer to yourself as a trans^4 multigenderqueer (hyperbole) but still have your pronouns listed as they/them.
off anon because I think people who hide behind it are cringe.
hello! thank you for such an excellent breakdown of your feelings, and for taking the time to think about your own emotions (completely sincerely, I had a similar journey like this a while ago and getting rid of first impressions is HARD). I think the main disconnect here is the idea of masculinity and femininity being separate (inherently and for me specifically) -- like i said in the answered ask before this, I'm already both a man and a woman, together, at the same time. This, for me, means that both of those aspects of me are trans simultaneously -- I use transfem while being afab because my femininity is trans. (The same would be true of my masculinity had I been amab)
I can't leave cisfemininity because I never belonged there in the first place, and I would never abandon being a girl altogether, so to me the obvious (and quite honestly only) conclusion is queer femininity (which naturally mtf trans women are an immediate part of). The bullet point explanation you've missed here is that I use transfem because it's simply the most accurate word I've found to describe my identity, and gender limiting things in 2024 of all times just doesn't make sense to me :]
(Also I have they/them because that's what I'm most comfortable being addressed as by *checks follower count* almost 20k people. I use different sets with different people -- but also sometimes expression is a lot simpler than identity haha)
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Hylas
Been talking a lot about my Tav Hylas and uh. I still haven’t. Shared them on here??
So here’s a post dedicated to my darling Hylas (they/them)!
(Under the cut is their lore/backstory and some doodles of them and Gale, so if you just wanna see the screenshots you don’t gotta go any deeper)
Hylas Lore
Hylas was born in Baldur’s Gate to a Human mother and Wood Elf father (side note: I think more Wood Elves should be green. It’s my reality, so Hylas is tinted green bc of their dad’s genes).
Dad bailed pretty early on, and because mom couldn’t afford to be a single mom, she gave custody of Hylas to a nearby Monastery of Lathander.
Hylas didn’t have to become a member of the clergy/monk, but they liked the teachings of Lathander and decided to dedicate their life to him as a monk. They started studying and archiving at 13, and didn’t start martial arts training until 15.
They trained as an Open Hand monk (I like to think their specific style is a mix of Shanghai- and Southern-Tiger Kung Fu style; I tried to draw them in a Tiger stance above) and they perfected their speed and placement of attacks.
At 25, the monastery was attacked, and Hylas was put in charge of getting the younger students to safety with another monk. They were attacked, and Hylas fought tooth and claw to protect the kids and the fellow monk, who was critically injured. The ordeal nearly killed them, and it left them with long-lasting scars, but if given the chance they’d do it all over again. Defending the people they love is the most important thing to them, and the monastery is their family.
A stereotypical “monk” pose from when I first drew Hylas—way before I actually put thought into their martial stylings. See it as a show of their flexibility, I guess!
At 31, they left the monastery to travel Faêrun on their own for the first time—they’d only ever known brief glimpses of Baldur’s Gate and the monastery. They traveled up and down the Sword Coast, meeting with other temples of Lathander (they even met Gideon Lightward from Elturel; they felt he was a little too ‘fire and brimstone’ to be a true priest of the Dawn Father, but they enjoyed his company and tutelage nonetheless).
After years of studying being an archivist, Hylas has a borderline unhealthy fixation on collecting books/missives/texts. It is, in fact, a problem. They read the Tome of Thay because of it. They don’t know they have a problem, and the fact that they’re romancing Gale doesn’t do them any favors.
And 10 years after they left—Baldur’s Gate 3 happened! So Hylas is 41 during the game; 20-25 in Human years! They got set back to Level 1 like the rest of the gang (and they were VERY mad they had to rely on a staff again. They spent a DECADE breaking their fingers to punch things into dust, dammit!/hjk).
Some fun facts about Hylas:
When their dad was still around, he took them to see a ballet performance (this is my reality, and in my reality Elves invented ballet, huff my jorts) and they wanted to be a ballerina SO BAD
Since they DIDN’T get to be a ballerina, they spent some of their 10 years traveling Faêrun learning some dances! It was fun to do, connected them to their past, and helped them keep in shape when they weren’t training.
They’ve had their vitiligo since childhood, though it’s grown over time.
Hylas’s non-binary/transmasc identity is loosely based on my own experiences as a demiboy! They actually made me feel more comfortable with my own they/them pronouns and I’m toying around with using them over he/him.
They’re very much romancing Gale—they find his intelligence and passion for knowledge and teaching very sexy.
Gale was also their first… well, almost everything relationship wise! First significant other, first hand hold, first time.
The only first Gale didn’t get was kissing, and that’s because when Hylas was young, they and another monk-in-training kissed each other to see what all the fuss was about. They both swore to keep it secret (intimacy was a no-no for monks at the monastery), but they both caved due to guilt and separately fessed up to the same monk. They had a LOT of extra chores that month.
(Hylas never sought out a relationship after the monastery simply because they didn’t really… see the point. The monks had drilled celibacy into their head for so long they just kinda. Didn’t seek it out. And then they pulled the wizard from the rock and everything changed…)
Spoilers for Act 3 for this one: in my play through, Hylas drowned in the Iron Throne along with… a lot of the hostages. They made sure Wyll’s dad got out safe, and kept the Sahuagin from getting to the sub while everyone else escaped, but they went down with the prison and have a phobia of water/drowning now (as well as a LOT of guilt over all the dead Gondians—they probably won’t ever forgive themselves for that).
Post-game, I think Hylas would become a priest of Lathander or a scholar/archivist—they’re done fighting for a nice long while. (They still train regularly though—gotta keep the mind and body sharp!)
Karlach is their bff. The SECOND Karlach could touch others, they JUMPED to hug her.
Hylas’s favorite stuffed animal growing up was a sabertooth tiger—and in my play through, Halsin became a sabertooth tiger a LOT :3
They let Volo take their eye. They. They did that. Volo they trusted you. Do you know what an honor it was for them to meet you, Volo? VOLO—
Between Hylas’s open hand attacks and Gale casting Disintegrate, these two are fucking lethal as hell. Lucky for you they just want to study and talk about books with Tara.
Hope y’all love my baby as much as I do—I have so so SO many thoughts about them. Once I’m able to draw digitally again I’m gonna be doing SO much art of them and Gale 💕
ALSO if you want to ask about them, or talk Tavs/BG3 in general, please feel free to drop me a line! I love talking about this stuff, it’s incredibly fun for me and I love seeing other people’s Tavs 🥰
#my art#captains log#bg3#gale dekarios#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate tav#tav#bg3 tav#gale#gale of waterdeep#bg3 gale#gale x tav#baldurs gate fanart#baldurs gate#Hylas#I hope you guys like my baby ;_;#they are my tadpole—my brain worm#my screenshots#traditional art#traditional drawing#sketch#this is my second attempt at posting this cause tumblr ate the first one#I’m still mad about it#art
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Most of this was drawn in September of last year, but I decided to finally complete it!
So, here are the penguins of Madagascar and their lemur friends as humans!
I know this has been done to death already, but I wanted to provide my own interpretation. I’ll provide my design choices for each character under the cut, if anybody’s interested!
Skipper: I do not want to throw shade to anyone, but most of the human Skippers I’ve seen are either too young, too skinny, or too muscular. This guy may present himself as an authority figure, but let’s face it: this guy is your average middle-aged man with a fascination for cool spy stuff and repressed bisexuality. Trust me, my dad knows all about it. Anyway, I gave him a tacky nautical flag shirt, mostly because i couldn’t find any high-quality “hawaiian shirt with wwii planes” patterns. If it weren’t for King Julien’s design, I would’ve given Skipper aviators.
Kowalski: Typical nerdy guy. When I was showing a work in progress of the penguins, a friend of mine suggested that Kowalski’s hairline should be extra receded, and they were right. I know that this is the simplest design, but that’s because this guy just doesn’t seem the type for style. More of a practicality and formality guy. I suppose now’s a good time to mention that each of the brothers has an element of orange around their feet, cuz, well, the penguins have orange feet.
Rico: I really hope you guys get the energy that this guy listens to nu-metal. Since human beings not infused with cartoon animal wackiness cannot regurgitate convenient items, I decided to give human Rico a bunch of pockets from which cartoon HUMAN wackiness can occur. His outfit is also a bit more military-like than the others, what with the bomber jacket, cargo shorts, and combat boots. I also gave him what is essentially the boss floss from Splatoon 3’s amiibo gear.
Private: According to Penguin Lore™️, they’re all brothers, but Private is adopted, hence why he’s a bit younger [but not a child!] and I gave him a different hair texture and skin tone. His shirt has an icon from his favorite show, a Lunacorn. I also made his blue nail polish match its eyes. I take honor in the fact that a friend told me “I have several transmasc friends who look like this”.
Maurice: A lot of people who draw TPOM gijinkas don’t even draw him, which is a shame, because I love Maurice. Even more offensive is that some people don’t even depict him as an old black man, which goes against everything I know to be true in my heart. Anyway, he seems like the type to enjoy autumn/winter gear, so I gave him a big ol’ trench coat, as well as a scarf that looks like his fur puff. And the newsie cap just felt right.
King Julien: Here’s where all the flashiness went! According to an actor whom I have a personal vendetta against and thus will not name, Julien’s accent is Sri Lankan, so I took inspiration from their traditional clothing for his outfit, albeit more “cunty”, as today’s kids call it. It was imperative that this man has his toes out for obvious reasons, so I gave him sandals. I honestly have no good explanation for the leopard print leggings other than it came to me in a divine vision. Or something. The sunglasses mimic the color of his eyes!
Mort: Look, it was really hard for me not to just draw Molière from Atlantis: The Lost Empire, since his design is already kind of what I imagine this fellow looking like as a “human”. Admittedly, I’m not too proud of this design, but i think it gets the job done. His outfit purposely clashes: a matching hat and sweater, but with sweatpants, and he’s not even wearing shoes! I know the original Mort doesn’t have any purple in his design, but I felt like its inclusion made him look a little weirder. And then there’s his eyes. Yeah.
Hope this wasn’t too long, and thank you to anyone who read this portion of the post!
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hey not rly a question just saying i appreciate your 2cents on things generally. i am a gnc transfem but am really a boy more than anything so someone looking out for those of us who arent palettably feminine is rly cool of you. a lot of the stuff you mentioned in your long post just now hits at some of the stuff thats making me feel uneasy around some of my transfem friends. i fear if i was fully myself i wouldnt be accepted. i hate to feel too queer for fellow queers, but.
but yea anyway most of the time ive known i was trans most of my friends had actually been trans guys so when i hear this anti transmasc rhetoric going around it makes me rly uncomfortable im sick of the idea that trans guys have it easy. its not true and not fair
do you fear being not accepted by others like you too? is this normal? idk. i didnt feel this when i came out 5 years ago this is new to me
I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that, and I can relate. Essentially I came out as a binary trans person a decade ago and raced to transition as quickly as possible (it was not fast, it was slow and frustrating) and when I finally got there then I had to endure Gender Crisis 2 where I realized I wasn’t this binary gender either.
It was very difficult to sort out. Did I just not feel special enough as Gender 2? Was I faking this whole time and was really just cis? Was I detransitioning? It took a lot to figure out what I wanted, how I wanted to be seen, and to grapple with the idea that it will continue to fluctuate.
I am masc but do not consider myself a man. Boy, maybe. Do I see myself as a woman? Also no. Girl, maybe. But a masculine girl. I think my boyness is more feminine than my girlness…but still both…butch.
I am trans but not a trans woman or a trans man. While figuring myself out in round two I flirted with transmasc/transfemme as labels, but neither fit better than the other. Or maybe neither fit. I know some use transfemmemasc but idk that I like it for me. I use trans women’s shaving tips. I use trans men’s voice training tips. There are members of both camps who wouldn’t consider me one of them.
I currently work a full-time job. I cannot present or fluctuate in my presentation when I want to. We have gendered locker rooms, gendered bathrooms, my ID badge has a photo that doesn’t look like me. I think a lot about that post that’s like “I might be nonbinary but I have a job so I can’t worry about that right now.” Only, I already know I am nonbinary. I’ve already been out to a lot of people IRL. How do you put that cat back in the bag? Can you? If I was allowed to present how I want now and everyone was cool…will they still be understanding when it swings back the other way? I don’t want that sort of pressure at work.
I am lucky I have a partner who understands and likes my presentation—and spectrum of it. I have trans friends who understand or try to understand, and genderweird friends who get it. It is a bit isolating—how everything is split into one camp or another. Things I supposedly couldn’t relate to I do, things I am not meant to have experienced (or acknowledge I experience) are not welcome topics in trans discourse.
It is difficult! There are huge Boy v Girl (but make it progressive) pissing contests on tumblr and it’s very irritating how deep the anger goes. Carve room for yourself and you’re accused of belonging to the other camp, as if it really even is ‘the other’ camp, it’s the same fucking camp.
I started to identify with the word butch only in the last few years, and because my gender exploration had taken me back to the trans folks of yore. They were brash and bold and contradictory and I liked that! It made me yearn for vague labels and defiant privacy while also being unabashedly authentic! Then I learned that it still exists. It’s small, and got pushed to the fringes, sure. But I’ve only had access to the books and zines and tales of the genderweird from the internet, and to hear it resonate with so many others proves to me we’re still out there.
It’s very tough to want to be true to yourself when there is a constant pressure to conform to something. It’s doubly tough when that pressure comes from other trans people. But finding more and more people who live this way and feel this way makes me feel surer in my choice to just loudly be what I am, fuck the rest, whenever I can.
I cannot always look how I want or be seen how I want, so the spaces where I do have control I refuse to be anything other than what I am 110%
I really hope you can find more and more space that lets you exist in the grey. I hope your friends become more accepting. In the meantime and hopefully continuously in tandem—you are not alone in this experience and others out there understand what it’s like. ❤️
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ok here are my Thoughts on gin noto
under cut bc it got long lol
first off, he is very strong representation. as in, i think this might be the platonic ideal of a transmasc character. which has its good points and bad.
sweet-p’s arc was rooted in some obviously transphobic jokes/points/etc but at its core, her arc felt well-intentioned and overall she was definitely portrayed as one of the most sympathetic of the musicians (who are antagonists but certainly not outright villains, which the musician route makes abundantly clear). she also is not, like, described as trans per se, mostly as a crossdresser who loves cute things and wishes she were a cute girl (so like, she’s trans) and honestly her arc is about self-image and body dysmorphia in general (weight and age and outside perception are all major factors). and that’s what sets her apart from gin, gin is very much about Gender Dysphoria And Conforming To Societal Gender Roles first and foremost.
unlike sweet-p’s writing, gin’s doesn’t have any overt flaws to point to, which is why i had to mull it over for a while to figure out what was missing, and i think it’s because it is very much aimed at a cis audience. the narrative itself is perfectly fine, it’s the meta-narrative that bothers me.
when gin confesses that irl, he was assigned female at birth and presents as female in his day-to-day life, and asks the player, does this change anything, there is a right answer and a wrong answer. the wrong answer is to tell him that you don’t care what gender he is, it doesn’t change anything at all; gin perceives this as a half-assed, dismissive response said without thinking and becomes upset and it locks you out of the rest of his character episodes. the correct answer is to tell him that you don’t know, you’re not sure. maybe it does change things between the two of you. gin feels that this is a understandable position to take, like, of course it might be a big deal, it certainly feels like a big deal to him!
and yes, to someone who hasn’t encountered a trans person before, that’s probably a reasonable response. to me, specifically, a fellow transmasc person, i think i sorta laughed at this part because, like, the only thing that would change if a coworker or friend or whatever told me that they were actually stealth trans this whole time (and that’s being generous bc gin is Not Slick lmfao the foreshadowing for him being trans is super obvious to anyone who knows) i’d be like cool! love that for you. etc etc. bc transgenderism is Normal to me.
but the game assumes You Are A Cis Person Who Isn’t Sure How To React To Trans People. the game doesn’t let you be trans. there’s not a nonbinary option, despite having a cyborg for an antagonist and, more egregiously, a canonically nonbinary character in your party. (i’d say pronouns, but that’s not quite the same in japanese.) not that i was expecting that to be possible, but it is a clear separation of gameplay and story that hinders roleplay (in an rpg where your character’s backstory is almost completely undefined)!
this is not to say that gin is poorly written. like i said, he’s like the platonic ideal of representation. he’s easy to clock specifically because his experiences ring true; he’s always, always, always overcompensating and posturing “as a man”, he’s trying to conform to his own personal image of “what men do”, “how guy friendships work”, “what guys are interested in”. when asked why he gets along with women so well, he lies and says it’s because he has an, uh, older sister! so he’s spent a lot of time around women! he dresses trendy, but not too fashionably (because that’s feminine, he’s function over form allegedly), and the cut of his clothes is soooo. well. the silhouette is masculinizing, or at least androgynous, let’s say. he even wishes he were taller.
i’m pretty sure i’ve done most of those things. this is writing that either speaks from experience or understands the prompt and has done the goddamn research.
it is, however, very, VERY cool that he actually turns out to Not Be A Man, at least in the sense he’s always wanted to be. REALLY good nonbinary arc that i wish wasn’t constrained to, like, the last two character episodes. it’s the one interesting ‘twist’, and i love that it explains a lot of things about him! when he talks about working as a woman irl and busting his ass in heels, he sounds proud, even as he admits that presenting female always made him uncomfortable. and lo and behold, his catharsis effect sports a pair of gold heels! if he was just a hypermasculine trans man, that would be super uncomfortable, as if it were some sort of transphobic indicator of his ‘true self’ being feminine. but no, it’s because he’s hiding that aspect of himself. he repressed his masculine tendencies to conform to social norms, and then inadvertently did the same to his feminine side, but both are important. he likes the heels.
i also like that he’s bi and acknowledges that his relationships never worked out bc he hadn’t figured out his shit yet. it do be like that sometimes.
unfortunately, i think he’s also kind of boring? like, besides her wanting to be a cute girl, sweet-p had other stuff going on, she had that boke/tsukkomi routine with stork, she had a genuine love for yume-kawaii (whereas while gin has many interests, a not-insignificant part of those interests is male posturing), she was even a musician! i understand that gin’s blandness is On Purpose because he dislikes rocking the boat (but he hates posers, which was a genuinely interesting reaction from him that didn’t feature as strongly in his arc as i wanted. even kiriko comments on it), but doesn’t change the fact that he ain’t weird enough! can’t even be an only sane man bc he goes along with everyone’s bs lol
anyway gin is cool and well-written as a trans character but missing a bit otherwise. i’d still definitely love to hang out and get beef bowls and boba with him :)
#im tired as shit from work so like this is rambly nonsense rather than well-written analysis#but yeah. caligula effect good#caligula effect 2 spoilers#i guess. its below a read more.#this post is for like No one but me and janelle#niche jrpgs my beloved…. niche hrpgs can save me i know it
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[Pinned post]
On a certain level, I can see why transfems are suspicious of people who use the term transandrophobia.
I think that by and large, most transmascs just want a word to talk about our oppression that is largely overlooked. At the same time, some transmascs are frustrated with our erasure within the community and shift the "blame" onto transfems. Some even act like transfems are the one's perpetuating this, overly focusing on fringe tirf groups like baeddels. I think transfeminine folks against the word transandrophobia are just wary that we will not hold ourselves accountable for any transmisogynystic prejudices. It's not necessarily fair to assume we are all labelling our oppression in bad faith, but I understand why people feel that way. Transfems face a lot of shit, and the thought that transmascs aren't acknowledging that we can be transmisogynistic too may feel like betrayal, or like we're throwing transfems under the bus. It is a fact that transmascs can benefit from the double-edged sword of relative invisibility whereas the hypervisibility of transfems places them at a higher risk of violence. I don't think transmascs ignore this, but we tend to talk about our own experiences to avoid talking over trans women, not because we are ignoring transmisogyny. I also don't think transmascs have any systemic power over transfems just because we're masc. We don't have any systemic power, period.
A thing for fellow transmascs to remember: Most of the people erasing us from the community are NOT transfeminine. It's mostly cis people. Transfeminine people talk mainly about their experiences for the same reason we do: Because it is what they know, and they don't want to talk over us.
Also one more thing that bothers me: It is true that a lot of transmascs grow up being treated like cis girls. However, that does not mean we cannot have misogynistic prejudice. Even women can levy internalized misogyny against other women. No, we don't have any systemic power over women, particularly cis women, but we can still carry ingrained misogynistic beliefs. As a group we are less likely be misogynistic than cis men, partly because many of us experience firsthand what a lot of women go through, and partly because we necessarily have done a lot of thinking about issues of gender to even realize we're trans. Even so, we still need to be held accountable for misogyny when we see it. It's even less likely for us to have experienced transmisogyny (and even if we do in some situations, it is usually not as consistent), and we don't have that firsthand experience to help us identify it when it comes up. That's why we need to listen to transfems on these issues. The same can be said the other way around, where transfems do not often experience what transmascs go through consistently, and may not identify our oppression immediately. It is important to listen to us talk about our experiences as well, and I think most transfems recognize that since transmascs are silenced by cisnormative society because of our relative invisibility. At the same time, transmascs are usually aware that just because transfems are hypervisible does not mean that they are not silenced when talking about their own issues. We know that hypervisibility leads to transfems being talked over and having false, harmful beliefs projected onto them. It is important that we do not perpetuate that.
I think most trans people approach each other in good faith. We are usually emotionally intelligent people who understand our similarities and differences. That is what I have seen irl and online. I don't want that to change because of a few fringe groups who take out their frustrations on each other rather than cisnormative society.
If you're cis and you even look at this post the wrong way I'll hit you with my big transgender beam
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Apparently there was a big conflict about a transmasc oni character from One Piece (which--I have absolutely no context on beyond the image and a brief description, having never seen or read One Piece, but)-- it happens to tie into something else I’ve been thinking about for a while... since one of the manga I enjoy *also* features transmasc characters who don’t have HRT/surgery/medically transition in canon:
This (apparently widespread) idea that I wish people would think about more, the mistake that just because someone has breasts, they’re a woman. Or vice versa: if they’re a man, they can’t have breasts.
Fundamental idea: Medical procedures aren’t a requirement for being trans. Further: someone doesn’t need to be able to, or even want to, medically transition.
Specific to situations like this: transmasculinity can go hand-in-hand with top surgery, but exactly equating the two fails to acknowledge the countless ways to identify and express gender out there. We’re trying to expand our understanding of gender here. The forced equivalence of “masculine = flat chest!” just forces our false masculine/feminine binary into rigid boxes again.
If someone has breasts and can’t get, doesn’t get, or doesn’t want top surgery, that doesn’t make their identity any less true to themselves! And it’s not about that person “passing” to fit your idea of masculinity/femininity/whatever your assumption of however this person genders themselves should be! Not even thinking about top surgery is just as cool of a way to be trans! Or be cis and just be whoever you want, however you want!
I love that we’re seeing more trans characters in canon and in fandom now--for example, fan illustrations of (trans-)masculine characters with top surgery scars. But I want to, and I wish more people would, show more love to “pre-op” depictions of transness, and trans-ness where operations or medical procedures aren’t involved! I know nothing about this trans oni guy, and I’m not saying his portrayal is flawless (again--I have no context, and it probably isn’t perfect), but I think in a general sense, it’s an awesome idea and I hope he’s living his best life!
I want that to apply to all my fellow trans non-top-surgery-wanters, too. <3
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No pressure to answer this! I’m transmasc non-binary and even tho I’ve known for like a decade and I’m out to my immediate family (only like 8ish months) I’m still scared to take the leap and medically transition. I feel stuck and like I can’t keep not doing it but the whole process seems impossible. I guess I just wondered if you had some advice for a fellow trans person who’s just figuring it all out.
I'd recommend talking to a doctor about this, even just to ask them questions. Just because you go to an appointment does not mean you have to start. I'm not sure where you live, but in the states there are a lot of informed consent locations. That's true even in states like Florida where I currently live (for now at least).
When I started in 2019, I started very VERY slowly. And I stayed slow until June of 2022.
I can't really give a lot of specific advice because I'm not as familiar with medical transition from a transmasc perspective.
What I do feel comfortable saying is that this road we walk is a life long one. You've got time. You've got all the time you need. You're doing the hard part beautifully. You're asking the questions and you're letting the answers come to you. Keep doing that. Attempt to receive your truth as best you can understand it, and when you're ready for another step, you're ready.
It took me over 5 years of social transition (really just playing with gender and words and names) and 2.5 years of medical transition before I finally let myself accept my womanhood. And when that happened, I decided to ramp up to a full HRT dosage.
It's not the same spot you are, but I'm in a similar headspace RE: bottom surgery, where I'm mostly sure that's what I want but I do not see any road to actually achieving that for now.
Keywords there: for now
The longer we sit with our feelings when they're outside our comfort zone, the more likely that comfort zone is to expand. And when you get comfortable enough, that's when you're able to take steps into that brand new comfort zone.
I don't know if any of this is making sense. I hope it is. TLDR I guess is your clarity will come to when it's meant to, and your job is to remain open to it and to remain curious about yourself. Don't just sit still. You're not powerless. But you're also not in a rush, and learning as much as you can is always something good.
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How has your experience on T been? It took me a long time to realise I was a lesbian and a very short amount of time after that to realise I'm a nonbinary dyke. I don't know that I can label myself butch but I've been insecure about the more feminine parts of me: my higher pitched voice, my soft shaped face, etc. I'd like to explore how different methods and doses of T affect me but it's obviously a permanent change in some aspects and that makes me nervous. I suppose what I'm asking is if you'd be so kind as to share a little more on your journey with T? Much obliged. 🌵
Yeah! It's been good for me! I started last february at a low dose. Upon starting I did a search in my local trans/queer facebook group and found my own post from like 6 years ago. So apparently I'd been thinking about it for a long time. I knew I was nonbinary for like... idk time is weird for me and I don't have a great memory, but years before I came to the lesbian identity. Before coming into the lesbian identity, it felt like nonbinary and lesbian were like.. magnets with the same sides facing each other, so they were repelling each other. So the more I leaned towards one, the further the other would slip away. I felt I had to like "pick" one. But I realized or learned that wasn't true, and I guess to continue the metaphor, flipped one of the magnets around and found that they stuck together really well!
So anyways, back to the T. I also have no clue if I'm butch or femme (I am inclined to believe I am not either one, although I have been thinking I might be a nonbinary transmasc femme on T lately.... hmmm anyways. I love butches a lot as I'm sure comes as no surprise if you've followed this blog for more than a couple days haha). I don't remember what really clicked for me or what made me decide to start. I think it was a combination of several things. I got married in the summer of '21, so I had spent a year planning that heavily. I think I had it planned that in the year after getting married and being done with that stress, and having time and energy, then I would probably start T.
I thought about what changes were likely, which were permanent, which were slow, which were fast. I talked to my friends, and I grew closer with a fellow nonbinary person who had already been on hrt for a year at that point, to assuage my fears and talk about some of my feelings. I thought about what my brother and dad look like, thought about what sort of changes would be likely for me. I accepted that I can't really pick and choose things, that I can only find out by trying. That the changes are slow and gradual and I can stop any time and change my dose any time.
Then I talked to my doctor, got a referral to a gender clinic in the city, and started them 'mones. I started at a low dose and about a month ago increased it slightly, it's still on the low side of a medium dose. I enjoy the changes so far.
Okay this answer is getting long - is this what you were asking? Want me to go into more details on the various effects and how I feel about them all and how they're going for me?
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HELLO HELLO!!!
INTRO MOMENT!!
im very new to the otherkin community, i'm mainly here to just have fun and to explore myself ((:
i go by a lot of names but i stick with Nico mostly, so hiii. im a 19y/o transmasc queer and possibly polykin!! i've been a bear for the majority of my late teen years but i've recently started having these shifts that are similar to that of a dog, so im really questioning it
usually i'd see myself as your regular black bear but i've been eyeing sloth bears for a while [//: if dangerous then why cute
soooo urm.. some facts about me?
im based from the philippines and a psychology major (point and laugh)
i love to draw!! you can check @29suns for that, though i haven't drawn in a long time. I might draw my theriotypes someday who knows [//:
i like a lot of things but my main hyperfixes are the A.A. Milne depiction of winnie the pooh, any kind of horror genre (tho i am very fond of paranormal activity and psychological horror), OCs, dinosaurs, true crime cases, etc etc... i miiiiight rb my interests in here as well but ill debate on that later
i guess thats about it !!
i dont have anything else to say so ill just leave my dni/byf.
i rather not have p*dophiles or self-proclaimed MAPS/NOMAPS, proshippers, anti-antis, queerphobes, transmeds, racists, or ableists interacting with me!!
if you are a minor, i rather not have anyone below the age of 16 interacting with me :P it's nothing personal lol
----
yeah thats it ^___^ if there are other bearkin (or just fellow otherkin XP) out there i'd love to be friends! <33
#otherkin#therian#polykin#otherkinity#alterhuman#nonhuman#blog intro#bearkin#dogkin#angelkin#theriotype#therianthropy#teddy mumbling
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Okay since it’s pride month, here are all my 🌈utdr headcanons :D🌈
Btw, this is by no means meant to be an exhaustive list or 100% unquestionable truth. Just me having fun :D
Undertale
Frisk:
they/them nonbinary. No ifs ands or buts about it.
Toriel:
I have said it before and I’ll say it again.
Aromantic Toriel
(Applause)
And she’s pansexual
(More applause)
And a she/her demiwoman
(Even more applause)
Napstablook:
The they/that agender we love to see
Sans:
Aroace without a doubt
he/him and star/stars pronouns B)
As for gender, he’s kind of an enigma, but I’m thinkin’ star and Alphys are transmasc and transfemme solidarity and you can tear this out of my cold dead hands
Papyrus:
Also definitely aroace. Possibly oriented aroace considering a certain attractive, rectangular beauty, but who knows ;P
Papyrus using he/they pronouns fills me with great joy
They’re definitely a dude, but like, he’s a guy, but squiggly. Like, Man but reskinned with Bowling Ally Carpet. You know the ones. Does that make sense ?
MK:
No pronouns nonbinary lets gooooo
Undyne:
Lesbian. L e s b i a n .
she/her is her favorite but will also sometimes use they/them, he/him, ze/hir, ae/aer, spear/spears and other neopronouns as well as she/her
Mad Mew Mew
The sapphic transfemme we love to see
she/her
Alphys:
Bisexual Disaster
she/they trans woman
Mettaton:
The gnc trans guy we love to see
he/him
I really like the asexual headcanon for him
Asgore:
Bisexual Disaster Reprise (orchestral cover)
I can imagine Asgore going by just he/him for the majority of his life but at some point getting introduced to fleur/fleurs (either by Undyne or Alphys) and absolutely loving them
Not really much gender fuckery going on in fleurs case aside from the usual gender-nonconformity. Fleur is just the kind of fellow who likes to feel handsome and also pretty. Good for him !
Flowey / Asriel:
Generally good with he/him, but often flounders between he/him, it/its, they/them, and every combination of the three. Eh. Thinking about it is headache inducing (I can relate)
Chara:
they/it agender I will die on this hill
Deltarune
Kris:
they/them nonbinary. No. Ifs. Ands. Or. Buts.
As for their orientation? Idk. I like the aroace headcanon for them
Susie:
she/he butch lesbian let’s fucking gooooooooo
Ralsei:
he/they/fae
Gender? Honestly, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Still questioning their orientation
Noelle:
she/her
Trans and gay real and true
Berdly:
People have headcanoned this bird as trans in every direction and I approve. Transfemme Bigender Berdly makes me especially happy
I think Berdly would be a bit of a pronoun hoarder. He/him, she/her, zhe/zher, e/em, and pix/pixel to name a few
Also, I will be claiming her for the aromantics as well. C’mon boys we got another one
Lancer:
Just a little guy :>
Also, you thought Berdly was a pronoun hoarder? Well zher hoard doesn’t hold a candle to Lancers. He/him, spade/spades, star/stars, cloud/clouds, splat/splats, blue/blues, rain/bows/rainbowself, cake/cakes, spark/sparks, etc! And spades collection will only grow in the years to come. Good for blue !
Roulx Kaard:
You cannot tell me this motherfucker doesn’t use he/thone pronouns
Queen
she/her agender for the win
Seam:
they/them (preferably none)
Gender apathetic
Ace
Jevil:
Any pronouns
Gender? I hardly know ‘er! Uee hee hee!
Abrosexual
Starwalker:
xe/xem/xir
Nonbinary
Nubert:
they/them man
My man !
Alright. That’s all I got for now. Happy pride :]
#exclusionists can kindly leave#please and thank you#utdr#undertale#deltarune#no way am I tagging everyone lol#safeutdr#lgbtq+ headcanons#pronoun headcanon#neopronoun headcanons#utdr thoughts#swearing cw#food mention
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s/o to my fellow systems whose brains are just wild and will see a nice rock and make an alter. like okay brain, that's nice thank you. no idea what started us as a system, but over the years we've had many new people form and the causes are varied. this is not a full list, just a couple of experiences
i want to preface that there is nearly no way to "prove" if these are true reasons or not as is the nature of dissociation. but they FEEL right and it's our brain so we would have some idea. and it Doesn't Really Matter in the end being as what matters is that we Are Here Now.
really we made this as a list so maybe someone who needed to could relate to or laugh at one or more of the things
a lot of feelings about not being able to sing gave us a vocaloid with a broken voice
almost drowning landed us a transmasc siren
started writing a new character and oops hi pretty okay and strong girl
"i need a big brother"
some really bad shit went down in mindspace (this happened often when we were younger) and an alter or two were traumatized so write a note to wait two months and start looking for a new one but still be surprised and confused when the new one comes up anyway
some symptom got too much to handle so now it's this guys turn wait who is this guy
discovered a new song and listened to it on repeat and maladaptive daydreamed someone a new friend or child
bestie said we weren't friends no more so i'm gonna become someone who has never met bestie
We Aren't Talking About The YouTuber That We Watched Too Much Of And Used For Emotional Support Until They Showed Up And We Pulled Off A Perfect [redacted] Accent And Refuse To Speak Of Since (sorry)
uncomfortable moment you will only ever be Confused about despite being able to remember it and what was happening
every alter rotating out during the Suicidal TimesTM until there's no one else who can handle it so yOu MakE ONe and they're actually really happy for a minute and can appear to break the depressive session but very quickly realizes what they're in for and joins the rest of the Sad Club, thanks for the help buddy, sorry and welcome to the club we have weed
Bird Hyperfixation
"i need a new mom"
Vampire hyperfixation
literally just a different version of an existing alter. alternate-timeline 'if this had happened or hadn't happened' or future/older selves
you really liked this character in that show but your brain for some reason won't take the actual character. oh no it has to make its own person that is an exact mirror of that character! but it wont tell you! you have to forget all about that character until 10 years later when the alter realizes it but they're so different now you don't actually know but it probably shaped you in some way
had a slut phase on discord and the fake personality 2 of the alters used online turned into her own person
You haven't met the alter that you know exists because you asked for them to exist at the same time you heard your father cry for the first time at 27 when you all Lost a creature who the whole system considered their daughter.
people just form when the brain decides it's a good idea for us. it's been awhile since we've had a new fully fleshed out alter who has the energy and desire to be out/slots into the main group that takes care of most things.
when new ones form these days (like 2.3 every 4 years) it's "quieter" people that pop up, introduce themselves, and then chill in mindspace with the rest and we don't really hear from them much.
Last we counted we have about 50 people (we counted a long time ago i'll be honest), but on a daily basis only about 3-5 people are active and it's not always through the whole day. at least 2-3 are always active. Siruss is the only one who can solo we dunno why.
our usual routine someone will be out and they'll have a co-fronter and or a couple background buddy(ies), and then the co-fronter and background people change after a week to a month, it depends on who it is. sometimes one of the background or co-fronters will swap out and be the main one for however long they can manage (depends on who it is)
but if we're leaving the house and around other people the routine is totally subject to change.
#hell o void#hell o hadal#system shit#plural shit#about#i really need to go to bed and stop using tumblr as a journal#if someone reads this and it enlightens something for them then im glad i could help at least but if you read this at all thank you#plurality#multiple people in one body#also i know you guys have your whole vocabulary for specific things but we didnt have that when growing up so we use whatever words#feel the most appropriate for us and how we feel. we're also mostly around singlets and have to use vocabulary they understand so we keep i#practice of using terms and descriptors that make sense to most people. bc we will tell strangers we're plural if it comes up we dont care#plural#multiple#no syscourse on my post
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It's honestly so frustrating being a trans man sometimes because you simply do not exist to (mostly cis) people. I cannot accurately articulate just how many times I've had to explain my sex and gender to cis people I needed to come out to in great detail just for them to even acknowledge that I exist and that I even identify and exist as male. And this doesn't include how many times transmasc people are outright excluded - much to our detriment!
There are many issues which come from the hyperinvisibility of transmasculinity which, I believe, are not largely acknowledged outside of spaces made by and for transmasculine people. And it's heartbreaking, because transmasculine people need these spaces. We need to talk about our issues - in fact, I know personally how life-saving it can be. When I was still coming into my identity, I felt this raw, newly-acknowledged dysphoria, and seeing the few transmascs who openly talked about it likely saved my life. That's how important it can be.
I speak from experience as a transmasc person facing struggles relating to my identity and existence. While this may not ring true for other transmascs, it is a form of transmasc experience, and we ought to listen to transmasculine people. I am begging any non-transmasc person to listen to us (and even fellow transmasc people! Even me!).
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#i speak a lot about transmasc issues and struggles because i deal with it a lot and as such it is on my mind a lot#transphobia#transphobia tw#dysphoria tw#maybe i've talked about this before but if you even slightly know me.... my memory is about as good as a chimp's (aka not good at all)
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i've seen posts that say there's too many tutorials and resources for transmasc people and we should post equal ftm help? but just. i'm happy to explain dresses or long hair styles if people need it? but i felt weird like. positioning myself as a resource for transfem people when i can't remotely claim to know more about mtf transition than someone that actually was?
I’ve seen this claim too, and it kind of baffles me, for... a few reasons.
The reality of the situation is that this is really only true on Tumblr. On Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, and Discord (and I’m not sure about Instagram) there’s either more of an equal balance of transmascs to transfemmes, or more transfemmes (like with Discord). So of course Tumblr has more transmasc resources, because there are more transmascs making them, reblogging to save them, and reblogging them for fellow transmasc followers.
There are not “too many” resources for transmascs. There are more, and there are mostly just more here, on this particular website.
Similarly, there are not “too many” resources for transfemmes in situations where the reverse is true. E is more well-researched than T due to its use in birth control and as HRT for menopause, but it is not “too” well-researched (and in fact is still pretty under-researched as trans HRT). E is much, much more available on the grey market than T, but it is not “too” available. Discord does not have “too many” transfemme-specific spaces, or “too many” transfemme users. Reddit does not have “too many” resources for transfemmes.
That’s a petty, hateful argument, and it misses the point entirely. If transfemmes don’t see enough transfemme resources on Tumblr, especially if it’s a space they frequent more than any other, it’s very understandable that they’d feel upset and lonely about that! But the problem is absolutely not that there are “too many” transmascs or transmasc resources. We’re not stealing anything from anyone by existing here.
And... no, I don’t think you need to create resources to fill needs you don’t have and can’t really understand as well. Speak on what you know and what you’re passionate about; let transfemmes speak on their own experiences and needs, and boost their voices whenever you can. That’s what being an ally is.
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you on may 13th: how have i not gotten any anon hate about my identity yet
apollo: (the gift of prophecy)
anyway lol trans man and Fellow Creator tm here and i definitely experienced what you’re talking about w making lady ocs. it extended to getting less invested in canon female characters as well. it happens to a lot of transmascs you know might as well talk about it. i DID try to work on it though cuz you know gotta write women don’t wanna be a misogynist wanna be better about that as well as toughen my skin a little to dysphoria and what worked for me was just do it so much. for real just push through it all at once make a bunch of female characters in spite of discomfort and the secondhand dysphoria will wear off eventually and it did for me. think of them as your relative/friend/romantic partner (i didn’t check your sexual orientation before typing this so ignore if that doesn’t apply) if that helps you keep from projecting onto them. if this is something you wanna work past this is my advice 👍
sorry about that anon. it’s a good thing to acknowledge that misogyny is baked into most everyone because we live in a society and in my opinion it’s true that trans guys can experience “internalized” misogyny despite being guys on the grounds of having been the (misguided) targets of misogyny early in life. but that doesn’t mean you think you’re trans because of misogyny, that’s a key terf talking point and indeed horseshit for reasons i 😬 don’t really have the time or resources to get into in an ask but you know it’s nonsense cuz it’s terf shit, trans people have always existed, if you sense you’re a man that’s yours and no-one else’s to discern, sorry someone felt compelled to come into your business and inbox to be transphobic about it if that was their intention, etc etc. much love to you brother
THANK U KING yes yes all of this
honestly i dont even think my problem is secondhand dysphoria (i actually dont rly experience dysphoria anymore now that ive embraced my identity) im just. not as invested in making lady ocs for some reason. i have some REALLY GOOD ones already which is nice but i find it hard to make any new ones for some reason. idk what the specific problem is in my case if its not dysphoria related
it could also be projection or even just coming down to preference bc i make a lot of FEMININE ocs just not “female” ocs if that makes sense. like theyre still transmasc or nonbinary or even cis guys with feminine features and such, and this is probably me projecting my identity onto my ocs bc they are a part of me too
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