What if vampires were bad cooks?

Like, their sense of taste and smell is way heightened, sure… but no one said tastes learned to change with it.

They now season their food like Midwest white ladies.

Dracula 99% of the time: What’s up, mortals, I’m here to drink and terrorize you

Everyone: D:>

Dracula going to the zoo: Hello, Mr. Zookeeper, I like your wolves :)

Thomas ‘Gives -10 Shits About Rancid Vampire Vibes’ Bilder: Fuck off

So the finale line on michaels statement is 'That is who I am' and its so funny how Michael died bc he figured out who he was very funny how that happened hilarious in fact esp when his main line is:

VIERAPRIL 【第 8 天】 RELINQUISH

Love is letting go of fear Love is letting go of doubt Love is letting go of chains That tie your spirit down ♪

feat. Qara's bff @claire-ashe

yknow what i have to shout out this weighted dino plushie from target for being the best guy ever. incredibly huggable. extremely soft. comfortably heavy. fits perfect underarm. the perfect shape. it doesnt get better than this

It's almost midnight and, for some reason, cold garlic bread is the perfect snack-

Are you pregnant yet?

last i checked no, better luck next time!

Mia why are you eating cold french fries

yummy, friend ☺️

Hi ladies have you heard of putting garlic in dishes? Game changer.

There's so much wild garlic this year, some of the roads you go down and there's the smell of garlic hanging in the air. Possibly not the best time to travel if you're, say, a vampire heading to England to try the local cuisine. Best stick with playing with the snack you've already got for another few weeks

Panic moment: I thought we had run out of garlic...

Trying to make new friends when youre autistic and have an anxiety disorder is just like rolling a d20 and hoping you get smth good

Let's see how Paramount are keeping the memory of the actor who was so into his character that he's still fuelling the nostalgia marketing machine despite having died in 2015.

Ah.

Between Seward’s “He seemed so confident that I, remembering my own confidence two nights before and with the baneful result, felt awe and vague terror” and, today, Lucy’s simple “Good night, everybody.”, I am terrifyingly worried that this won’t work

ive got pregnancy symptoms even though I'm on the pill. I'm probably not pregnant and I better not be.