#thomas bilder
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He 'ad white kid gloves on 'is 'ands, and he pointed out the animiles to me and says: 'Keeper, these wolves seem upset at something.'
"'Maybe it's you,' says I, for I did not like the airs as he give 'isself. He didn't git angry, as I 'oped he would, but he smiled a kind of insolent smile, with a mouth full of white, sharp teeth. 'Oh no, they wouldn't like me,' 'e says."
'Ow yes, they would,' says I, a-imitatin' of him. 'They always likes a bone or two to clean their teeth on about tea-time, which you 'as a bagful.'
Thomas Bilder, a true hero, upon meeting Dracula:
immediately tries to piss him off because he's an annoying snob
calls him insolent
mimics him rudely
calls him a bag of bones
gets away with all of this
#dracula daily#thomas bilder#honestly i'm impressed#count dracula#i only wish he didn't warm up to him upon thinking dracula works in the same field#alas
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Dracula 99% of the time: What’s up, mortals, I’m here to drink and terrorize you
Everyone: D:>
Dracula going to the zoo: Hello, Mr. Zookeeper, I like your wolves :)
Thomas ‘Gives -10 Shits About Rancid Vampire Vibes’ Bilder: Fuck off
#NOTE: We're going to see in a much later chapter that Dracula is weirdly flummoxed by one thing beyond garlic blossoms and crosses#and that thing is surly workers whose flight or fight response to fear was replaced by the 'Fuck Off' response#I wonder if it honestly just baffles him out of doing violence#he's so used to humans being scared or playing valiant hero against him#he has no idea how to deal with wholly average crass folks telling him off#kind of love it#dracula#thomas bilder#dracula daily
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It's such a tiny thing, but I find it really funny that the last thing Dracula would want to have happen would be someone like Thomas Bilder saying of him, "I did not like the airs as he give ’isself."
#dracula#thomas bilder#dracula: “here I am noble; I am boyar; the common people know me and i am master”#thomas: “lol look at this fuckin loser who thinks he's hot shit”
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Berserker the wolf after getting the worst vibes from a visitor, being angered into a frenzy, getting kidnapped, getting football thrown into a window, being mindcontrolled into scaring a poor woman to death and then being abandoned in the streets of London:
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‘Keeper, these wolves seem upset at something.’
“ ‘Maybe it’s you,’ says I, for I did not like the airs as he give ’isself. He didn’t git angry, as I ’oped he would, but he smiled a kind of insolent smile, with a mouth full of white, sharp teeth. ‘Oh no, they wouldn’t like me,’ ’e says.
“ ‘Ow yes, they would,’ says I, a-imitatin’ of him. ‘They always likes a bone or two to clean their teeth on about tea-time, which you ’as a bagful.’
Shoutout to Thomas Bilder, the zookeeper, for telling Count Dracula he ain’t shit.
#dracula daily#dracula#bram stoker#talk talk talk#gella talks dracula#thomas bilder#count dracula#i'm not subscribed to the newsletter - is this the only entry you guys received today?#because there are three more september 18th in the book#including the one the reaction to which i was anticipating the most
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"Well, it was a odd thing, but when the animiles see us a-talkin' they lay down, and when I went over to Bersicker he let me stroke his ears same as ever. That there man kem over, and blessed but if he didn't put in his hand and stroke the old wolf's ears too!
"'Tyke care,' says I. 'Bersicker is quick.'
"'Never mind,' he says. 'I'm used to 'em!'"
I have never encountered this section of Dracula in any adaptation, and thought that a crying shame considering how atmospheric it is. So here's my sketchy rendition.
#dracula daily#dracula#wolf#illustration#edwardnb#count dracula#Zoo#Zookeeper#berserker#Wolves#thomas bilder#september 18#bersicker
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Shoutout to Thomas Bilder for trusting his wolves’ reaction to Dracula and immediately disliking him for it, hoping bad things would happen to him, and even openly sassing the guy; “Yeah they should like you because they love chewing bones and you’re full of them.” Glad to see that before he attacked Lucy last night, Drac at least got something coming to him. If Mr. Swales was his bane shortly before dying, then there’s that recurring pattern with Van Helsing of old men with hard-to-understand accents taking no shit from the Count, making HIM frustrated and trash-talking the bastard to his face, unafraid.
I’m surprised to find out that Dracula hadn’t appeared in wolf form, but had instead used his vampire powers to brainwash a poor, innocent wolf! It’s comforting to see Stoker at least reiterate that the wolves themselves are just animals too, lacking malice and only attacking out of need, and that they’re also victims of Dracula’s corruption. Speaking of Drac, he also likely hypnotized the gardener on the way out, hence why they didn’t remember Bersicker (Berserker?) escaping until a bit later.
And in lieu of some recent posts I’ve made about him, it’s def surreal and weirdly relieving seeing Dracula pretend to be a charming human dude again; Acting all jovial and normal. Like maybe this vampire isn’t some inexplicable horror, but a quantifiable person after all, that can be explained away and reasoned with. Which again, just contrasts with how brutal and straightforward he acted towards Lucy and her mother shortly afterwards; It’s been a callback to the Jonathan Harker segment of the book lately, what with humanized Drac, the swirling dust, the command over wolves, etc.
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I'm so thrilled to be right.
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News Correspondent returns, and he's encountered a new man with a dense accent and a troubling doggo. It's like it's good times in Whitby all over again.
#Bram Stoker#Dracula#Dracula Daily#News Correspondent#Thomas Bilder#berserkir#I sent Mr. Kirkland an email#...there was supposed to be A LOT more today than the triumphant return of my favorite made up minor character
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Dracula: These wolves seem upset at something.
Mr Thomas Bilder, Keeper in the Zoölogical Gardens:
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I bet Thomas Bilder would make a good limerick.
I bet you’re right!
There once was a man at the zoo
Who was doing his job, as you do
When a stranger appeared
And the wolves seemed afeared
So he said to him, “maybe it’s you.”
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"if the specimen I enjoyed of their hospitality be of the average kind, their lives must be pretty comfortable." good for the Bilders!
the polite, casually musing, "did I tell you to go to hell?" is so funny
Bilder hating Dracula on sight <3
ahhh it's good to hear Dracula's voice again. I mean I hate him, but, you know.
"I have made pets of several." Dracula making his little jokes again...
"he said, with a suspicious sort of modesty" hahaha, the delivery of this line was so funny
the Bilders laughing and literally going like "hohohohooo" is so funny. they're just 'gotcha!!!!!!' it's great
they are so playful. good for them
I love the long talk about how this wolf isn't clever or dangerous or anything... ending with "well, and I guess he could eat a baby" haha
Correspondent not liking that door being opened
it IS a shame that people are allowed to top their walls with broken bottles, I agree. I love how soft his voice gets on "come along, Berserker."
"the only exclusive information" hahaha yes, kudos to you, Correspondent
I like the doorbell noise quite a lot.
And the saw noise!
I never noticed them going round to the back of the house, but um. Probably a good choice before breaking in!
Ooh, the way Jack's voice falters on "but there was no sound... that we could hear"
I LOVE the music as they open the door and see Mrs. Westenra and Lucy
my immediate reaction was DO NOT BRING BRANDY
I do love that Jack tested it to make sure it wasn't poisoned though
"there was a gentleman who had come with a message from Mr. Holmwood." HERE HE ISSSS
god, that van Helsing doesn't have any hope for Lucy to survive this anymore. his only goal is to save her from vampirism
THE TWANG COMING IN WITH QUINCEY AHAHA
also the way Jack says "Quincey Morris" he is in love
oh god Art's voiiiiice
"Her struggle back into life was something frightful to see and hear." oh god
I love Jack's uncertainty upon reading Lucy's memorandum. The vulnerability in his voice as he asks van Helsing what it means, and if Lucy is mad.
Quincey's voice is so soft and sweet when he asks to have a talk with Jack.
Man, Jack really is running around all over the place isn't he.
"I don't want to shove myself in anywhere where I've no right to be;" this is why Quincey has been gone from the book for so long.
the music while Quincey describes the vampire bat
love the "royal lot of [manhood]" line, but also the whole bit before it, with Jack being so soft and full of sympathy for Quincey, more so than himself
"What took it out?" Quincey asking the real questions
Lucy's sobbing aches to listen to
"Some may not think it so sad for us," oof, she sounds kinda bitter. perhaps insinuations have already been made? not necessarily that they killed him but that this is mighty lucky for them isn't it/that they deliberately got close to him when he was dying in order to inherit
"my belief in him helps him to have a belief in himself." YES. YES.
Mina reaching out to Lucy for comfort and support... unaware that Lucy too is plunged into a nightmare
oh she sounds so agonized when she says the letter was unopened. oh ouch.
#dracula daily#re: dracula#thomas bilder#correspondent#jack seward#van helsing#quincey morris#lucy westenra#mina murray
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Okay, lets do this properly.
Here is my Very Official, Very Scientific (/joke) Grandpa Energy of Old Man Characters in Dracula Chart
Oh, and because this is something quite a few people are confused/surprised by: That “ætat” that Seward puts next to Renfield’s name when we first hear about him means “at the age of” So, since Seward says Renfield is “ætat 59,” that means Renfield is 59 years old
#Dracula daily#abraham van helsing#count dracula#renfield#peter hawkins#Thomas Bilder#mr swales#dracula#rm renfield#ava has thoughts
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I saw some people asking for a simplified version of mr bilder’s speech today so I made a quick stab at it! I hope it helps someone :)
"Now, sir, you can go on and ask me what you want. You'll excuse me refusing to talk of professional subjects before meals. I give the wolves and the jackals and the hyenas in all our section their tea before I begin to ask them questions."
"How do you mean, ask them questions?" I queried, wishful to get him into a talkative humour.
"Hitting them over the head with a pole is one way; scratching their ears is another, when rich gentlemen want a bit of a show for the ladies. I don't so much mind the first—the hitting with a pole before I throw in their dinner; but I wait until they've had their sherry and coffee, so to speak, before I try with the ear-scratching. Mind you," he added philosophically, "there's much of the same nature in us as in the animals. You came and asked me questions about my business, and I was so grumpy that if you hadn't given me a half-sovereign I'd have damned you before answering you. Not even when you asked me sarcastically if I'd prefer for the Superintendent to ask me the questions. Without offence, did I tell you to go to hell?"
"You did."
"And when you said you'd report me for using of obscene language, that was hitting me over the head; but the half-sovereign made that all right. I wasn't going to fight, so I waited for the food, and I howled as the wolves, and lions, and tigers do. But, Lord love your heart, now that the old human has stuck a chunk of her tea-cake in me, and rinsed me out with her old teapot, and I've lit my pipe, you may scratch my ears for all you're worth, and won't get even a growl out of me. Drive along with your questions. I know what you're coming at - that escaped wolf."
"Exactly. I want you to give me your view of it. Just tell me how it happened; and when I know the facts I'll get you to say what you consider was the cause of it, and how you think the whole affair will end."
"All right, sir. This is about the whole story. That wolf that we called Berserker was one of three grey ones that came from Norway to Jamrach's, which we bought off him four years ago. He was a nice well-behaved wolf, that never gave any trouble to speak of. I'm more surprised at him wanting to get out than any other animal in the place. But, there, you can't trust wolves any more than women."
"Don't you mind him, sir!" broke in Mrs. Tom, with a cheery laugh. "He's been minding the animals so long that bless him if he ain't like a old wolf himself! But there ain't no harm in him."
"Well, sir, it was about two hours after feeding yesterday when I first heard my disturbance. I was making up a litter in the monkey-house for a young puma which is ill; but when I heard the yelping and howling I went there straight away. There was Berserker tearing like a mad thing at the bars as if he wanted to get out. There weren't many people about that day, and close at hand was only one man, a tall, thin chap, with a hook nose and a pointed beard, with a few white hairs running through it. He had a hard, cold look and red eyes, and I took a sort of dislike to him, for it seemed as if it was him that they were irritated at. He had white kid gloves on his hands, and he pointed out the animals to me and said: 'Keeper, these wolves seem upset at something.'
"'Maybe it's you,' I said, for I did not like the airs he give himself. He didn't get angry, as I hoped he would, but he smiled a kind of insolent smile, with a mouth full of white, sharp teeth. 'Oh no, they wouldn't like me,' he said.
"'Oh yes, they would,' I said, imitating him. 'They always like a bone or two to clean their teeth on about tea-time, of which you have a bagful.'
"Well, it was a odd thing, but when the animals saw us talking they lay down, and when I went over to Berserker he let me stroke his ears same as ever. The man came over, and blessed but if he didn't put in his hand and stroke the old wolf's ears too!
"'Take care,' I said. 'Berserker is quick.'
"'Never mind,' he said. 'I'm used to them!'
"'Are you in the business yourself?' I said, taking off my hat, for a man that trades in wolves, etc, is a good friend to keepers.
"'No,' he said, 'not exactly in the business, but I have made pets of several.' And with that he lifted his hat as polite as a lord, and walked away. Old Berserker kept looking after him until he was out of sight, and then went and lay down in a corner and wouldn't come out the whole evening. Well, last night, as soon as the moon was up, the wolves here all began howling. There wasn't anything for them to howl at. There was no one near, except some one that was evidently calling a dog somewhere out back of the gardens in the Park road. Once or twice I went out to see that all was right, and it was, and then the howling stopped. Just before twelve o'clock I just took a look round before turning in, and, bust me, but when I came opposite to old Berserker's cage I saw the rails broken and twisted about and the cage empty. And that's all I know for certain."
"Did any one else see anything?"
"One of our gardeners was coming home about that time from a harmony, when he saw a big grey dog coming out through the garden hedges. At least, so he says, but I don't give much for it myself, for if he did he never said a word about it to his missus when he got home, and it was only after the escape of the wolf was made known, and we had been up all night hunting the Park for Berserker, that he remembered seeing anything. My own belief was that the harmony had gotten into his head."
"Now, Mr. Bilder, can you account in any way for the escape of the wolf?"
"Well, sir," he said, with a suspicious sort of modesty, "I think I can; but I don't know if you'd be satisfied with the theory."
"Certainly I shall. If a man like you, who knows the animals from experience, can't hazard a good guess at any rate, who is even to try?"
"Well then, sir, I account for it this way; it seems to me that wolf escaped—simply because he wanted to get out."
From the hearty way that both Thomas and his wife laughed at the joke I could see that it had done service before, and that the whole explanation was simply an elaborate sell. I couldn't cope in badinage with the worthy Thomas, but I thought I knew a surer way to his heart, so I said:—
"Now, Mr. Bilder, we'll consider that first half-sovereign worked off, and this brother of his is waiting to be claimed when you've told me what you think will happen."
"Right you are, sir," he said briskly. "You'll excuse me, I know, for teasing you, but the old woman here winked at me, which was as much as telling me to go on."
"Well, I never!" said the old lady.
"My opinion is this: that wolf is hiding, somewhere. The gardener that didn't remember said he was galloping northward faster than a horse could go; but I don't believe him, for, you see, sir, wolves don't gallop any more than dogs do, their not being built that way. Wolves are fine things in a storybook, and I daresay when they get in packs and go chasing something that's more afraid than they are, they can make a devil of a noise and chop it up, whatever it is. But, Lord bless you, in real life a wolf is only a low creature, not half so clever or bold as a good dog; and not half a quarter so much fight in him. This one isn't used to fighting or even to providing for himself, and more likely he's somewhere round the Park hiding and shivering, and, if he thinks at all, wondering where he's going to get his breakfast from; or maybe he's got down some area and is in a coal-cellar. My eye, won't some cook get a shock when she sees his green eyes shining at her out of the dark! If he can't get food he's bound to look for it, and perhaps he may chance to light on a butcher's shop in time. If he doesn't, and some nursemaid goes walking off with a soldier, leaving the infant in the pram—well, then I shouldn't be surprised if the census is one baby the less. That's all."
I was handing him the half-sovereign, when something came bobbing up against the window, and Mr. Bilder's face doubled its natural length with surprise.
"God bless me!" he said. "If it isn't old Berserker come back by himself!"
He went to the door and opened it; a most unnecessary proceeding it seemed to me. I have always thought that a wild animal never looks so well as when some obstacle of pronounced durability is between us; a personal experience has intensified rather than diminished that idea.
After all, however, there is nothing like custom, for neither Bilder nor his wife thought any more of the wolf than I should of a dog. The animal itself was as peaceful and well-behaved as that father of all picture-wolves—Red Riding Hood's quondam friend, whilst moving her confidence in masquerade.
The whole scene was an unutterable mixture of comedy and pathos. The wicked wolf that for half a day had paralysed London and set all the children in the town shivering in their shoes, was there in a sort of penitent mood, and was received and petted like a sort of vulpine prodigal son. Old Bilder examined him all over with most tender solicitude, and when he had finished with his penitent said:—
"There, I knew the poor old chap would get into some kind of trouble; didn't I say it all along? Here's his head all cut and full of broken glass. He's been getting over some damned wall or other. It's a shame that people are allowed to top their walls with broken bottles. This here is what comes of it. Come along, Berserker."
#100% open to corrections btw!! I'm working entirely off my previous experience reading 19th century novels and a couple of google searches#dracula daily#thomas bilder#txt
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Mr Bilder: His vibes were bad so I called him a bitch
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“now that the old 'ooman has stuck a chunk of her tea-cake in me, an' rinsed me out with her bloomin' old teapot“
I love Thomas Bilder and something about this sentence just tickles me! I love the idea that drinking tea is the equivalent to being rinsed out with an old teapot!
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