#family being on lockdown STILL and barely going anywhere and me having to fight to work in person 2 days a week with like basically 1 person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lucy90712 · 3 years

Text

Being an Olympian (hc)

A/n: I have been watching the olympics recently and it inspired me to write this but I don't know that much about all the sports so sorry if you do any of these and I get things wrong

George:

He is so proud of you that all of your training has allowed you to fulfil your dream of going to the olympics, of course he is sad that he can't watch you compete for the first time but he will be up at whatever time your heats or finals are just to watch you.

Watching you do all the tricks and flips you do as a gymnast he gets scared hoping that you won't fall even though he knows you will be fine because you've done these routines a million times he can't help but worry. Will cheer out loud when you get a really good score and when one of your competitors messes up because he knows that it's good for your competition.

You are in the individual all around final and a few apparatus finals which he watches intently right to the last second. Loved seeing your reaction when you won your medals and of course was so proud of you calling you the second he could to celebrate with you seeing as there wasn't really anyone there for you to enjoy the moment with.

When you come home he picks you up from the airport greeting you with the biggest hug and flowers because he's just that cute. He also love seeing your medals and is surprised by how heavy they are, would definitely call Dream and Sapnap to show them your medals and brag about how cool you are for going to the Olympics.

Dream:

He knows very little about volleyball despite how much you try to explain it but he will suddenly become very interested when you actually make it into the Olympic team and will try his best to learn everything from you before you leave.

Will get up at whatever hour to watch your game and cheers you on as loudly as he can even though you can't hear him and he annoys Sapnap who eventually just decided to join him in watching because it's easier so you have two cheerleaders back home. He often records small parts of the games and puts them on Twitter to tell people to watch and cheer you on as well.

After each game he will call you and either celebrate with you if you won but if you lost or weren't happy with how you performed he would help you look at what to do better for your next match. Of course he's no expert and your coach is there to help with that but hearing some things from him is actually useful sometimes.

In the final he is on the edge of his seat the whole time hands sweating from his anxiousness he is watching you knowing that you are so close to achieving your dream at your first olympics. When you score the final point giving your team gold he jumps up off his seat and runs round the living room he's so excited.

Once your back home he gives you the biggest hug and takes pictures of you with your medal and might post one because he's just so proud. May also steal your medal sometimes just to look at it because he thinks it's so cool.

Sapnap:

He is your biggest supporter and will come to training with you sometimes even though he can't swim anywhere near as fast as you but he will time you to see if you are up to pace which of course you are. When you set a really fast time he will get so excited and will give you a hug even though you are soaking wet.

When your races actually come around he's more nervous than anything because he knows that you have set such high expectations for yourself and he really wants you to meet them. He gets stressed just watching your heats but you make it through with the fastest time which helps him keep calm. Dream would also watch because Sapnap would beg him to even though he probably would anyway but dream has to keep him calm or else Sapnap would bounce off the walls.

By the time your final came around Sapnap almost couldn't watch because she knew that this was your chance to win the medal you have been training so hard for for years. In the last few seconds he was watching through his hands because it was so close between you and the person in the lane next to you but when you touched the side first he sprung up from his position and jumped up and down for ages.

You also do a relay in which your team gets second so you have two medals to bring home. You show him your medals over FaceTime and the smile on his face says everything, he's so proud of you for doing so well after working so hard. While on FaceTime he takes a bunch of screenshots of you with your medals and then he takes more actual pictures when you get home.

Sapnap would definitely brag about it on stream and show people your medals because he's so proud, the chat are also so happy for you because Sapnap had mentioned before just how much you had been training.

Quackity:

Since you do athletics he will come out in runs with you and go to the track with you even though he is always way behind he enjoys watching you run. He has been to all of your previous completions so he’s sad that he can't watch you at the biggest competition of the season but he is supporting from home.

He can't bare to watch you on his own so he will watch your races with your family which creates such a nice atmosphere which even though you can’t see he knows you can feel them supporting you. Is always available to give you a pep talk before you race or after a heat he is there to tell you how well you did. As much as you have an actual coach he is just as good in motivating you and he’s learnt a lot from your actual coach so can give pretty good feedback after each of your runs and isn't afraid to tell you what you could do better.

After you finish second in your heat still qualifying for the final he's so happy but gives you a bit of advice on how you can do better in the actual final which you take on board and use to win the gold medal. The medal ceremony is an emotional moment for him because he can see the huge smile on your face and remembers all the times you've talked about winning even just a bronze and been so excited but seeing you on the top step does make him shed a few tears.

When you come back home he definitely films a video with you called something like racing an Olympic runner where he gets you to show off your skills to his audience who may not have seen you race. He definitely loses the race but he's ok with it because the whole point really was for people to watch you.

Karl:

He is excited to watch you dive at the top level but also a bit scared because he knows that if things don't go right you can get injured and you have only just recovered from an ankle injury you got during training so safe to say he's a bit anxious watching you.

Luckily the synchronised diving is up first when you and your partner are diving together, watching that calms his nerves slightly because he sees you perform so well and only just lose out of the gold medal by 0.5 of a point. Talking with you after the competition also helps because you say that you are feeling on good form and he trusts your knowledge of your ability.

When it comes to your individual event he sets up an alt stream to watch it because he's way to nervous to watch it on his own. A bunch of his friends join a discord call and watch it with him cheering you on along with the chat who were really engrossed in the competition. The reaction when the score for your last dive comes in is ecstatic because there is almost no way anyone could beat you and when the last score came in Karl was jumping around, the chat were going crazy as well as everyone in the discord call. Karl also called you before he ended stream so that one he could talk to you and two thr chat could hear from you.

Does a proper stream when you get back so that the chat can see your medals and ask you questions which was really fun and it’s so cool to hear from people who are now inspired to take up diving because of you.

Wilbur:

He is so proud of you for being able to get to the olympics but because of how strict the lockdown has been in England he is worried about how little you have practiced and trained over the past year but of course he still has faith in you he just doesn’t want you to hurt yourself. Was also gutted he couldn’t go out there with you especially because it’s your first olympics and he so desperately wanted to support you and be there in person to cheer you on.

Watching you practice and watch videos of your past performances has helped him learn how you actually do the high jump so when you start in the first round he can tell that he didn’t need to worry because you are jumping super well. Setting up a makeshift bar in the living room obviously did some good for you because you were looking really good.

Once you made it to the final 8 is when he got most nervous because all of the others were looking great too and the person who had beat you at some world championships was there doing well too. He had faith in you though because he had watched most of your recent practices and you have been really close to beating your personal best so when of it comes to that he thinks you can do it.

It really did get down to that and you had to try going above your personal best but you did it first attempt so you were celebrating and so was he. That height knocked out a few people leaving only you and one person left fighting for gold. You just kept going somehow even though you’ve never made it to these heights before and then it got to above the Olympic record height which is when he started biting his nails with worry. Your competitor failed all 3 of their attempts and you still had one left and you made it meaning not only had you won the gold medal but you hold the Olympic record.

Is so excited for you to get home because he just wants to give you a hug and tell you how well you did not just over FaceTime. He was there for the second you got off the flight and picked you up to give you the tightest hug he could. You also had a lot of interviews to do which usually aren’t your thing so he helps you get though them with his media experience and now the nation loves you because of how sweet you are in all the interviews you do.

190 notes · View notes

purebarnes · 3 years

Text

courage to change— (fem!avenger x bucky!)

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ ➢ when bucky has the idea to go see zemo to see what he knew and if he didn’t, how he could help them figure out who has made the super soldier serum. bucky then wants to break zemo out of jail making sam and y/n skeptical about it all.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ➢ 2.5k

ᴅɪꜱᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀꜱ ➢ angst, yelling(tad), nothin serious

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ ꜱᴘᴇᴀᴋꜱ ! ➢ this started out fine but went down so my bad about this chapter.

the whole situation with zemo and going to see him was a tricky situation, y/n obviously wasn’t sure she would go through it. zemo obviously wasn’t fond of the avengers giving what he thought they did to his family and country. the girl wasn’t going to lie, she was there to help her dad and the avengers fight ultron but we all know how that turned out.

there was still the possibility that she would leave and head back to pepper but bucky kept trying to tell her to stay. she agreed to stay and see what zemo would say but she knew it was going to be worse then she would imagine. when all three of them made it to berlin, they all entered to go see him but bucky didn’t want sam or y/n to go in. the girl hated the smell of prison, well she just thought it smelled like bad. when they walked towards a door they stopped he wanted to tell them to stay back.

“i’m gonna go in alone—no, why?” y/n asked raising her eyebrows waiting for an answer she liked, “you’re both avengers. you know how he feel about that.” bucky told her making her shake her head in disbelief, “it’s not like you two were know for frolickin' in the sun together—he was obsessed with hydra. we have a history together. can you trust me on this? i got it.”

he looked at y/n grabbing her hand and rubbing his thumb in a circular motion telling her that it would be fine. she closed her eyes nodding before he let go and went to leave to see zemo. she leaned onto the wall where prisons could be kept on the other side of the wall. y/n inhaled then closed her eyes getting a feeling something were to happen soon but pushed it off. sam could tell something was up but never went to ask as she told them to not worry about her.

sam looked up and saw her on the wall, he stayed silent waiting for bucky to come back. she never would of thought she would be doing something by her self and without her dad on her side. she knew she wouldn’t eventually have to start i her own but she wouldn’t of imagined him leaving so soon. when tony’s funeral came around, he made the video about if he were to die then it was for them.

y/n had a video that he made her but she couldn’t bare look at it, she wasn’t ready and days would go by where she would always think about opening and playing it but never went through it. sam took this as an opportunity to ask her something about her. he went to cough obnoxiously and when she looked up, sam was leaning on the wall next to her. “so, you and torres huh?” she chuckled at his accusation, she thought he was too late but something was holding her back. she smiled, pausing then speaking up.

“no. why’d you ask?” she asked sam and he pulled up his phone and showed her the texts from him and torres. they were a bunch of them asking if she was single and asking if he could date her. she leaned over to see the last message about asking permission— “why would you need to ask permission? anyways, he’s cute i guess.” y/n wasn’t lying but she just didn’t want to be with someone at the moment or at least not him. sam pushed his phone back in his pocket then went to lean back down seeing the door open to bucky.

he walked near them, “how’d it go?” sam asked getting up to see bucky telling him that it was done, something seemed confusing about the situation to y/n. she let it go when they all went to be less to a place but bucky told them not to ask any questions until they left, the next thing he said was that he wanted to break zemo out of jail. “what are you talking about? you wanna break zemo outta jail? where the hell are we, buck? have you lost your mind?” sam question boarding him with questions about what he was thinking.

y/n couldn’t see so she ended up falling with a thud sound behind her when bucky noticed her not behind them anymore. “shit. where’d y/n go?—a flashlight would’ve been nice.” she rolled her eyes as bucky went to go pick her up from the floor and apologized. “sorry doll, we only had two.” bucky frowned pushing her forward so that she could see better and not fall like before. bucky went to continue his conversation, “we have no leads, no moves, nothing—what we have is one of the most dangerous men in the world behind bars.” sam fired back at the super soldier.

“we have eight super soldier that are loose—no, zemo will mess with our minds. especially yours. no offense.” sam told him, he still wouldn’t agree on what bucky wanted to and something as this dangerous wouldn’t be pretty. bucky went to turn on the lights then turned off his flashlight, sam doing the same. “offense. super soldiers go against everything he believes in. he is crazy, but he still has a code.” bucky walked away from him, “yeah but we’ve both been on the wrong side of that code.”

y/n still couldn’t get her wrap her mind around what the man was telling both of them and sam went to look at y/n for help. she sighed turning to look at him, “he blew up the un, he killed king t’chaka and framed you for it. did you forget that, buck? you think the wakandans forgot? well they didn’t! i know why this matters to you but it’s pushing you off the deep end.” his face softened when she used buck instead of bucky because she would always say buck when she cared about him. “we don’t know how they’re getting the serum. we don’t even know how many of them there are. look, let me walk you guys through a hypothetical. can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

when he said that, y/n and sam turned around slowly to face him although they knew he had to do something or he wouldn’t have said that. y/n shook her head looking at bucky to start, “what did you do—i didn’t do anything.” the man stuttered and y/n narrowed her eyes at him making him back up seeing that she scared him even if he was stronger, like he would like to say. “the weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meat ware. the human element.” he looked back at them.

y/n shared a uneasy look with sam when he continued explaining what he was going through, “now, in this lockup, it’s none to one, prisoners to guards, and if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond.” sam interrupted him not getting what he was getting at all. “so why would two prisoners randomly start fighting at that moment?—who knows? there could be many reasons... but the point is, these things escalate. lockdown procedures would have to be initiated, and with all those bodies flying left and right, wouldn’t be hard to slip down a hallway or two.”

“and if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated... someone could use the chaos to their advantage.” he finished when y/n breathed in biting her lip, “i don’t like how casual you’re bein' about this. this is unnatural. are you... and where are we, man?” sam asked when the front door opened and someone started walking to them.

the figure was unclear when he finally came into view and y/n, sam widened their eyes going wide. she grew confused and went to go near him, “whoa, what?” y/n started, “what are you doin' here?—i didn’t want to tell 'cause i knew you wouldn’t let this happen—what did you do?” y/n was pulled back from sam telling her he had it all. “sam we need him—you’re going back to prison!” y/n exclaimed pointing at zemo’s direction.

he took off the cap, “if i may—no!” all three of them yelled at him making zemo step back and apologize then looking back at both sam and y/n obviously upset and betrayed he would do that. he turned to sam, “when steve refused to sign the sokovia accords, you backed him. you broke the law and you struck your neck out for me.” he said then turning to look at y/n when she looked at anywhere but him. “y/n look at me. look at me.” he gently grabbed her face making her look at him and she looked up at him.

“what about when you let me go when you saw me and steve on the run, you helped me. i’m asking you to do it again—both of you.” he said letting go of her face then looking directly at sam this time, “i really think i’m invaluable—shut up.” zemo tried to say but sam wasn’t having it. it took a second before sam and y/n agreed to help him. sam looked at y/n and she nodded regretting it, “if we do this, you don’t move with our permission. okay, zemo. where do we start?” sam said, all three of them looking at him.

━━━

the next thing they all did was go and go see a car and zemo told them that it was his, skeptical form y/n and sam. this was dangerous and couldn’t be trusted but also she know where zemo was coming from when he want vengeance against the avengers.

y/n would do anything to get her mother but it was too late—she was already gone when she got to her. y/n was walking to see the cars and she stopped when she saw a yellow one. she thought it was a nice lookin car, “i spent years hunting people hydra recruited to recreate the serum. because once it’s out there, someone can create an army of people... like the avengers.” zemo turned to look directly at sam and y/n, she just stared at him.

zemo looked back into one of the cars before continuing to talk about what he was thinking, “i ended the winter soldier program once before. i have no intention to leave my work unfinished. to do this, we’ll have to scale a ladder of lowlifes.” he said walking away as sam responded, “well, join the party. we’ve already started—first stop is a woman named selby. mid-level fence i still have a line in. from there, we climb.” he left them as the three of them stayed back walking towards him.

the all started heading towards a jet, “so all this time you’ve been rich?—i’m a baron, sam. my family was royalty until your friends destroyed my country.” zemo replied back speaking russian and went to enter the jet while y/n went to get on and she missed the planes and jets. she was snobby about it but she did love them, any chance she could get on one.

when they made it to the jet and they got on, they all sat down in the seats they picked out. y/n was in front of zemo while bucky and sam were across of each other but bucky told her to move seats but she said she was fine. “just sit across of him—it’s fine.” they whispered and zemo could tell something was up, “i won’t hurt her if that’s—i’m not scared of you.” y/n told him crossing her legs and looking out the window. zemo picked up a book before looking at it, “i’m sorry. i was just fascinated by this. i don’t know what to call it, but this seems to be important. who is nakajima?” bucky looked up before sprinting up and holding zemo by the neck.

y/n looked up wanting bucky to let go of him, she hated when he got like that. it was like a part of the winter soldier was still there, “if you touch that again, i’ll kill you.” he let go before going to his seat. y/n couldn’t help but keep her eyes on the man, she never heard that name before and she also wanted to know who he was. zemo apologized, “people you’ve wronged as the winter soldier but why isn’t y/n on here.” y/n closed her eyes not wanting zemo to bring up her mother but that’s exactly what he did.

bucky tensed up, “don’t push it—you must miss your mother? i know i would and now you’re father.” she grew hot and wanted to just take all the anger she had on zemo but that wouldn’t help anything. zemo knew what he was doing and he was doing it well, he was mad about his family so he took it out on y/n. “zemo.” sam warned him not to continue, y/n felt like exploding so she got up before she excused herself.

“excuse me, i uh... need to do something real quick.” y/n closed her eyes before leaving to use the bathroom and she could hear distant yelling from sam and bucky telling him to calm down and not do anything hasty. y/n entered the bathroom then went to sit on the toilet seat and put her hands in her face, “oh dad. i can’t do this anymore.” she silently cried to herself wanting to be with her dad at that moment.

ten seconds later she heard a knock and sniffled to say something that wouldn’t sound like she was crying. “yea, yeah just gimme a second.” no use though because it sounded congested like she was sick, she opened the door and saw bucky. she sighed while wiping the tears from her eyes, “sorry, here it’s all yours—i don’t need it.” she went to wash her hands then bucky went in the bathroom to shut the door and locking it.

this was something you would seen in movies, where they would lock the doors and something else would happen. so she was confused on what was happening, he went to grab her hands and squeezing them tightly, “there isn’t a day where i don’t have nightmares about what i did to your mom—that’s wasn’t you buck.” she reassured him that the winter soldier wasn’t who he was well not anymore.

“it was still me, i put you in so much pain. you never deserved that doll.” y/n stifled a smile before looking at his blue eyes that she loved. “i could never blame you. not now, not ever.” she said letting go and rubbing her thumb over bucky’s cheek this time. she went over to out her arms around his waist and gave him a tight hug. she leaned in to kiss his cheek but stopped when she was close to his lips.

she could tell it was getting awkward and gave him a wide smile before leaving the bathroom to go back to have a seat away from everyone. all that was next was to go on ahead and finish the mission.

#bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky x y/n #marvel #fatws bucky #bucky barnes x female reader #fatws series #sam wilson #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fanfic

80 notes · View notes

wizkiddx · 3 years

Text

Forget the world

I really really hope everyones okay at the moment. The world is truly fucking shit, but sending all my love, and it is okay to feel completely done at this point (I do hence why I wrote this instead of meeting my deadlines :/)

Summary: readerxtomholland -- pure fluff when everything gets a bit much for Y/n

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

A third lockdown in the UK. More than 1000 deaths in a day. US capitol riots highlighting just how stark the white privilege is. The worlds a scary place and sometimes it gets too much. It’s good to be informed, to be politically and socially active, fighting the good fight… right? Well yes, but we are humans.

Humans are more complex than that. We ruminate we feel and we empathise. None of these issues have directly affected you, but that doesn't mean these things don’t hurt you - even a little. Bit by bit, a person can so easily get chipped away until there’s not a lot of fight left.

These daily 5 o’clock briefing, the prime minister in all his stupid oafish idiocy invading your living rooms with his persistent if oh so incorrect chat of ‘how well the UK has handled this crisis’. Then going on to spout more and more bad news. It was like a scheduled form of torture that Brits just had to through. And it just got a lot.

What didn’t help at all to you, was the fact your boyfriend was leaving for work again. You’d barely had him for two weeks before he was being whisked away in his private jet again. And even that time, it wasn’t really couple quality time… not by a long shot. Because of the complicated and ever-changing laws in the UK, you had both moved into his parents' house rather than being stuck just the two of you over Christmas. Don’t get the wrong impression, you lovvvveeeeeddddd his family - it was crazy, chaotic and infuriating in the best way.

That, however, didn’t get away from the fact you missed him. You missed lying in till the afternoon. You missed having breakfast for dinner after cooking it up in your skimpy pyjamas. You missed silence - of the two of you just coexisting. You missed your Tom.

SO fair to say you were not feeling particularly over-enthused on this overcast Tuesday morning. Somehow sensing this while you were still asleep, Tom chose not to wake you and instead crept out the room to go golfing with his brothers and dad for the last time before he left. Having woke up a couple of hours ago, you made the executive decision to just stay there - just feeling like the energy it’d take up to move was too torturous to expend. When Tom and the boys got back then, they immediately recounted the whole experience to Nikki - Harry showing off at his particularly good round - before Tom naturally started searching for you. His mum, being almost psychic, instantly noticed and just shook her head over Harry’s droning voice as she pointed upstairs. And with a thankful nod, he snuck away - if anything grateful for the escape.

“Love…. Love?” Tom hesitantly crept into the room, your body facing away and still wrapped like a burrito in the duvet. You rolled over and gave him a small smile, to which he grinned at and immediately leapt on to the bed. Land directly on your stomach. With force. You let out an ‘ooof’ as his not so petite body knocked all the air out of you, making you groan and recoil to your side as he laughed pitifully at you. “I missed you” He just grinned, worming his way from lying horizontally across you until he was lying completely on top of you his chin resting on your chest bone as he smiled at you. “And you thought you’d jump on me to show that?” “I couldn’t help it you just looked so peaceful” You quirked your head, not seeing his point. “And your not allowed to look like that without me!” He huffed, finally rolling off you as you giggled at his stupidity. “But seriously you good? Its 12 and you’ve not moved yet.” “Mhmm just… just.” “You're just just?” He teased, now leaning up on his elbow as he smiled down at you. “Exactly. I just can’t deal with today.” You sighed as you spoke, looking up to him with eyes as if asking him to help. It made his jokey and teasing demeanour take a serious turn, his eyebrows furrowing as he really inspected your face - as if trying to the find the answer written in small print under your nose. He whispered a ‘what do you mean’ asking you to go on. “I don’t know …it’s just lockdown and America and…and you going. I’m just self-pitying really.” “No” Tom stated rather adamantly, as he sat up and then pulled you up by the arms earning yet another groan from you as he interrupted your cocoon of warmth. “You're allowed to feel shitty because it is all actually very shitty indeed.” You rolled your eyes at that, even if you did agree because you didn’t want to be the mopey desperate girlfriend who can’t handle when he goes away. “Y/n/n I’m serious. The news and everything… it’s a lot and you're allowed to feel like you can’t comprehend whats going on.” In response you just nodded, averting your eyes away from his because, for no real reason at that moment, his eye contact seemed to be forcing you to cry. But the boy did not let up. Instead, he crawled up to you, his legs sandwiching yours as he kneeled in front of you. “And… I’m going to miss you a lot when I go.” Tom gently pushed your chin up so his locked eyeline with your watery ones that instantly started to overflow. Tom murmured an ‘oh love’ as he threw his arms around you, letting you cry into his shoulder - most probably ruining his new fancy golf shirt.

You stayed like that for some time, him gently hushing you and stroking the back of your messy bed head. Until you’d finally calmed into little hiccups and Tom arched back. He cupped his hands around your cheeks, his thumbs brushing away your tear tracks. “Let's have a just us day huh? We can… forget the world.” “Forget the world?” Your laugh was a little wet and sad sounding but it was music to Tom’s ears and only spurred him on more. “Yeh! Fuck the world. It’s just you and me and we can do whatever you want!” “You’re stupid” you just giggled, trying to hide your face because he had you blushing like a lovestruck teen… which was exactly how he made you feel. “I know! So come on what should we do… movie or something isn’t right because you still can think about- I got it!” He leapt off you and started looking around the room, first pulling the chair out from its position in the corner and then whipping the duvet cover off your legs. “TOM! what-“ “We are building a fort!” And his stupid grin said it all. It took next to no convincing before you were running downstairs with him, ransacking the sitting room of all blankets (earning you some comically quizzical gazes from his Dad and Sam) before running back up.

This stupid stupid boy that you had to pleasure of calling your boyfriend had you revert to a seven-year-old as the two of you attempted to construct this fort. Attempted being the keyword, it kept collapsing when one of you accidentally stubbed your toe on the chair holding all the structural integrity of your creation (*Tom). However, after a ridiculous amount of attempts you were adding the piste de resistance - aka fairy lights - to the interior while Tom set up a game of Harry Potter monopoly on the next floor you’d made.

And that’s how you burned the day away; laughing whilst getting overly competitive at your Harry Potter knowledge; ordering pizza that you forced Harry to delivery to the entrance of your fort from the front door (you even managed to make Harry knock on the makeshift blanket door, which had the two of you cracking up no end); generally just being stupid together. Before you knew it, the time had ticked to half eleven and the both of you knew it was time to bed down for the night. With a sigh, signifying the beginning of the end of Tom’s last day in the UK, you went to crawl out of the fort - expect your boyfriend had other plans. Rather, he yanked you back towards him so you almost fell into his front and then proceeded to roll you both, so now you were lying flat on the ground while he leaned above you. “You … little miss… are not going anywhere.” You hummed at him about to ask why, before being rudely interrupted as he pressed his lips against yours. You didn't fight it though, immediately relaxing into it and wrapping your legs round his waist to pull him impossibly closer. After a few moments, you broke the kiss staring up at him with the softest eyes. “Sorry I just had to stop you from ruining the moment.” He jibed, and again you went to scowl but were cut off by his soft lips on yours once again. Tom only pulled away when both of your lungs had started to burn a little, needing to come up for air. With a whisper telling you not to move, Tom bolted out the fort. You could hear him scurrying around in the room - to be honest, it sounded like he was ransacking it- before the big light was flicked off and he crawled back in in the darkness.

This time you’d learned your lesson, waiting patiently until he spoke first. “I got a surprise… it was uh- supposed to be for when I was already away but I think now works too” You couldn’t see his face through the darkness, but what you knew, either way, was the excitement that’d be on his face - he loved revealing stuff like this to you because he is, as previously mentioned a child. And then he flicked the switch and the interior of the tent was illuminated by a pattern of stars, projecting upwards and swirling around on the blanket roof. The sight had you audible gasping, this time the dim light it gave meaning Tom could see your eyes widen in delight. “Tom its-“ “Not as beautiful as you.”

Hell, you knew how fucking corny this was. And how if any of your mates ever recounted the story you’d be recoiling is dismay at the cliche-ness of it. But at that moment you swore your heart could burst, looking between the twinkling projections and Tom’s dimly glowing features - the blue light bouncing off his cheekbones and making him look just even more divine. “We are sleeping here tonight because I just don’t want this moment to end” You whispered making Tom chuckle as he lay back down next to you, letting you curl into his side and resting your head on his chest - so you were watching the swirling walls whilst listening to his heartbeat. “This fort… will always be ours.” He spoke lowly, reaching for your hands and entwining his fingers with yours slowly. “I’m going to mis-“ “Shhhhh” He blocked you from finishing the phrase, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before continuing. “ Don’t forget we’re forgetting the world yeh? It’s just you and me.” “Just you and me isn’t half bad.” You whispered, using your thumb to draw little meaningless patterns on the top of his palm. “No… not half bad at all.” His voice was so quiet, so calming he barely even used his voice - rather just breathing the words out as he squeezed you into his chest. You knew he was trying to make you fall asleep. This is what he always did, a kiss to the head, his voice barely existing, him squeezing you just a little tighter. But you didn’t want to. Because that meant that he’d leave when you woke.

You desperately tried to fight the waves of relaxation, trying to pay attention to each little swirl and tinkle of the projector but it was hypnotic, and that coupled with the steady beat of his heart had you soon losing the battle. Tom could tell you were fighting, Tom could always tell. So he gently shifted his arm under you baggy t-shirt, allowing Tom to trace little circles on your bare skin. That was enough to have force your eyes to become deadweights as they locked shut.

“I got you…I’ll still be here when you wake up” You hummed, pressing yourself into his side a little more. “‘hankyou for… for…” Tom grinned, knowing you weren’t going to make it to the end of the sentence. But that didn’t matter. At that moment, the only thing in the world that matters was having you in his arms.

“I’ll always forget the world when I’m with you.”

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #fluff

80 notes · View notes

seasonsofeverlark · 3 years

Text

Happy Halloween

Author: @shesasurvivor

Prompt: Everlark and gang creating a faux trick or treating experience for toastbabies during this time of COVID [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: General

Author’s Note: Happy Halloween! Sorry for the uninspired title, I seriously couldn’t come up with another one (I’m sure I will in another 24 hours, though, lol). I took a little creative liberty with the prompt, as I was inspired by the videos of people delivering candy while social distancing. At any rate, I hope everyone is enjoying this unconventional Halloween despite everything!

___________

“If I had been deprived of Halloween as a child, I would have been devastated,” Peeta says.

I frown, hands on my hips, as I watch him draw whiskers on our daughter, who’s barely holding still long enough to let him work. “I’m still worried,” I say. “The news says cases are surging.”

“They’ve been stuck inside all year,” he says back. “They deserve to have a little bit of fun on Halloween.”

I sigh, leaning against the frame of the bathroom door as I look on. The thing is, I know he’s right. The kids have been cooped up inside most of the year by now. Even the few times we’ve been able to go anywhere, it was always the safest way possible to avoid contact with others. Always wearing a mask.

“Please, mama?” Daisy’s eyes turn towards me, though she does her very best to stay still, so her whiskers don’t smear across her face. It’s those hopeful baby eyes that are my undoing. She looks so cute and so excited that I know I can’t keep fighting this battle.

“Alright,” I finally relent. “You can go trick or treating tonight. But you have to stay close to daddy and me! And do exactly as we tell you to do.”

Her face lights up in a grin that she can’t hold back. “Hold still, honey,” Peeta reminds her, but she’s not paying attention to him anymore. “Yay!” she squeals, practically bouncing in her chair. Peeta allows her a few moments of excitement before reminding her that she’ll need to let him finish her facepaint before she is ready to go.

I insist on going out with them, even though it means we won’t be home to give out candy. My mother, who has been living with us since the lockdown started, agrees to give any out to the little trick or treaters we may get this year. Determining how much candy to buy this year was difficult since we weren’t sure how busy our neighborhood might be. Eventually, we decided on one large bag, figuring we would give it to our children to make up for a lost Halloween if no one else showed.

“How will anyone see my whiskers if I have to wear a mask?” Daisy asks as Peeta and I shove on our jackets before we leave.

Peeta gives her a knowing smile. “I was thinking of that, too. So I bought you a see-through mask,” he tells her, producing the plastic mask from his pocket. I raise an eyebrow, wondering when he bought it, as the realization that he’d been banking on my relenting begins to sink in. I wonder what else he’s been up to.

Jackets on and masks donned, we find ourselves out on the sidewalk with our son and daughter in the fading light. The sun is just now setting, but with our children being so young, we wanted to get them out early to be home in time for bed. “Which way should we start?” I ask the group.

Peeta answers before anyone else has a chance. “Let’s go this way,” he says, motioning off to the left. It’s a little too quick for an answer, further raising my suspicion that he’s been up to something. But whatever it is, it remains to be seen. So I relent and let him lead the way.

Not many houses are lit up this year, which is precisely what I suspected. But Peeta leads us a few places down from our own to a house I know well. It belongs to our friends and neighbors, the Odair family. Only the house is hardly recognizable. By the look of it, they decided to go all out this year because their front yard is decked out in a scene of horrific marine terror, depicting scenes of sea monsters and crazed sea witches. Their family loves the ocean, but this is on a whole new level.

From the top window of their house, a wire runs down to their front fence. I study it, not sure what on earth it’s supposed to be for, when a voice calling down distracts me. “Happy Halloween!” In the window where the wire originates is Finnick Odair waving down to us.

Our son looks up curiously while Daisy is jumping up and down in place. “Can we go up to their door? Please, please?” she begs Peeta and me both.

“I think he has something else in mind,” Peeta says and nods back up to the window where a white parachute glides down the wire in our direction. When it reaches the fence, both children hesitate, looking up to us for permission. “Go ahead,” Peeta encourages them.

Letting go of their hands, they both run up to the basket and pull it down so that they can see inside before plucking something out and dropping it in their bags. Then they run back to us. “Mama, daddy, there was candy in there!"

A smile lights up my face as I finally figure out what’s happening. Finnick has found a way to deliver candy while social distancing. I look over at Peeta, thinking this must be what he’s been up to, but he’s watching the kids.

"Shall we try Johanna’s house next?” Peeta suggests when the kids are calmed down from the excitement enough to move on. I agree, wondering what’s in store for us this time.

When we get there, her home is similarly as festive as the Odairs. Scenes of chainsaws and deranged lumberjacks loom in her yard. That same wire runs from a window to the front yard, and another parachute is dispatched on our arrival. The kids tear their eyes from the decor and run to the basket when it’s come to a stop, finding more candy inside.

On and on, this continues as we make our way around the neighborhood. Haymitch Abernathy has angry skeleton geese figures in his yard. Beetee has a Frankenstein scene. Effie Trinket decides to go the more tasteful route and instead has immaculately carved pumpkins along her porch stairs. Everyone we know has decorated for Halloween this year, and they all have the same wire contraption rigged to deliver candy to the children.

“This is what you’ve been up to, isn’t it?” I ask Peeta quietly at one house as the children scramble to a basket to retrieve candy. Peeta gives me something of a knowing smirk in return. “I don’t know what you mean,” he says a little too innocently.

I roll my eyes. “Fine. Keep your secrets,” I retort.

He hands back as the children move on towards the next house, and I take the hint to slow down with him. “It was Beetee’s idea to do the wire,” he says. “But I just couldn’t stand the idea of letting them miss out on Halloween. Not this year, when everything has been so miserable.”

I shake my head, but I’m grinning. Leave it to Peeta to come up with something like this. It’s times like these that remind me of why I love him so much. Leave it to him to find moments of beauty in times of pain. To create them, even. He’s been my rock through this entire pandemic; tears well up as I think about it. “Thank you,” I tell him. “For doing this for them.”

He takes my hand in his. “Happy Halloween,” he tells me. “Just wait until you see what we’re doing for Christmas.”

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #autumn #autumn 2020 #shesasurvivor #submission #prompt #octoberlark #octoberlark 2020

91 notes · View notes

dramaticviolincrescendo · 3 years

Note

I've really enjoyed your recent meta takes and was wondering if you could elaborate on your thoughts on Mandy + Ian and her going for Lip as a result (from your Ian Relationships meta)? I love reading about M+I and their connection is just so dear to me 😭

(P.S Thank you for being such a beacon of positivity in the Shameless fandom! I only got into the show during lockdown last year but it's become such a comfort so it makes me so happy to see positivity right now. ❤ )

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You’re seriously too kind! I totally sympathize with you: Shameless has shot straight to the top of my list of comfort media since watching it right around the same time, so I’m really passionate about sharing the love around. 😃🧡

To me, one of the most important things to look at in this analysis is motives—who each of these characters are, what they desire for themselves, and how those factors fit together like a puzzle.

Mandy is in such a difficult position. It’s not as easy as saying that she’s a victim of abuse and wants nothing more than to get as far from her family as possible, because that’s simply not true. In s1, we see that she’s very comfortable in her house. She and Mickey exhibit your standard sibling animosity (and competition for Ian’s attention, unbeknownst to her), she makes breakfast for Terry even though she’s obviously not super respectful to him as a parent, and she clearly has a solid understanding of where her family stands in the neighborhood. In a way, she thrives on that in the beginning. At but a word, she can do serious damage to somebody without raising a finger herself. Viewing Ian’s lack of response to her advances as an insult, she takes full advantage of that. In s2, we know that she is being abused in such a heinous way. She takes charge of the situation, although not in a manner that would save her from it. She leaves the house for a while to avoid Terry; she holds him at gunpoint and forces him to accept what he already knows so that he won’t hurt Ian. When they talk afterward, she even recounts what happened in a way that makes it sound like no big deal—he was drunk, and he didn’t know who she was, so it’s whatever. (It isn’t. We know it isn’t. If this is going to be her reality, however, then she’s going to own it. No one will look down on her, especially not a Gallagher who’s barely ahead of her in social standing.)

We’ll pause there because so much of how Mandy changed afterward is tied to Lip, but we can already see that Mandy isn’t like Mickey. Mickey stuck it out with his family and very clearly fell into the same trap we’ve heard verbalized by other male characters, namely the notion that men can’t be abused. It doesn’t matter that that is entirely inaccurate—that’s what they’ve been taught in their environment. That’s what’s normal to them. (That’s part of the dramatic irony in this scenario: we can see how damaging and traumatic these events are, but the characters don’t have our perspective. I don’t think Mickey sees what happened to him as rape, just like Ian doesn’t see what happened to him as grooming or assault. That’s for the audience to comprehend in terms of gravity and should add to our sympathy for them.)

Mandy is different. Women are abused all the time in their neighborhood. It’s visible, and it’s pervasive. In s3, Mandy immediately teaches Debbie how to defend herself against it. She didn’t have to learn. Like not seeing themselves as victims is part of the boys’ culture, fighting not to be one is part of the girls’. But there’s a contradiction in her life: the Milkoviches are the neighborhood badasses, and while she shares in that, it’s limited by her sex. There is something she will never be able to overcome in order to see the same return on her reputation that Mickey and Terry do, not unless she gets out, which will be extremely difficult on her own merits. She’s living in poverty and not doing well in school. Her prospects are limited—she told the counselor so. Based on that conversation and her history with boys even before meeting Ian, she clearly sees one surefire avenue to get out of this hole she’s stuck in: a man with the resources to get out and take her with him. If she’s lucky, it’ll even be a good man with a good heart who wants to do good in the world.

Now, let’s talk about Ian. (See what I did there?) This doesn’t need to be long because I’ve already talked so much about Ian already lately, but let’s wax poetic just a bit. Ian wants to be a good person. He wants to be able to get by, even be successful, without having to do it through scamming and stealing. He has goals and ambitions, and whatever anybody thinks of those ambitions, he did it with the mindset that he would be a hero—a protector. Along with that, he never gives up. When Mandy sets her brothers on him, he doesn’t hide forever—he seeks her out multiple times to fix the situation. When he can’t get into West Point, he doesn’t quit ROTC and ignore his dreams. He keeps going.

Not only is he someone who wants to be good for himself, but he wants to be good for others too. He shows Mandy kindness that she arguably hasn’t seen from anyone else before. He takes care of his family when hers tends to focus on themselves and their own individual survival more of the time. Ian has what she would have seen as the potential to get out, and at the time, that is what he wants. It isn’t as an escape for him, but as a way to facilitate his own dreams.

The problem? Ian is gay. We can see that that bothers her sometimes because she forgets. She goes in for a kiss in s2 and has to reel back, settling for a hug instead. She gets tired of hearing him talk about Kash in s1 and kisses him to shut him up, saying she just wanted to kiss her fake boyfriend. Ian isn’t attainable. If Ian leaves, he won’t take her with him as a partner, and she can’t ask as a friend. How desperate would that seem to someone who refuses to be put in a position where she even slightly perceives him to be pitying her? She can’t ask. Not Ian. She needs someone else, someone who is also good and capable of getting out of here—who can be convinced to even if they don’t want to. Someone she can also trust and has some sort of connection with. Someone who is a fixer, and someone she can draw in with the only thing she thinks she has of any value: her body.

That would be Lip. Not only does he meet all of those criteria at the time, but she knows she can trust him. She trusts Ian, and Ian is closer to Lip than he is to anyone else—even her. No, Lip doesn’t have any convictions or real desire to leave, but he has potential. She can work with that. She’s also there for the entire Karen saga, so she knows that Lip is someone who takes his responsibilities to the people he’s with very seriously and tries so hard to cultivate that connection. (For example, feeding him, making herself sexually available as often as possible, letting him stay with her when he can’t go anywhere else without any conditions, etc. We even begin to see her distancing herself from Ian a little bit by s3, putting all of her energy into what she has with Lip when, a year ago, they were sneaking around because she said she didn’t want Ian to know about them. That isn’t to say that Ian was seeking her out either, being quite distracted with Mickey, but it’s noticeable for me.)

Like Mickey, Mandy also has a very deep capacity for emotion and affection that seems incongruous with her personality a lot of the time. Also like Mickey, nobody brought that out in her—it was always there. As much as she seemed to hope that Lip would take care of her, the process of growing closer to him led to a level of affection. I don’t particularly read their relationship as being a deep one. Both of them were using the other, to an extent, to deal with their trauma in other areas of their lives. But that sort of thing can foster a kinship, a mutual understanding that transcends time and place and even the terrible stuff that people do to one another.

So, it doesn’t work out. Mandy is hurt and does something unforgivable. She then runs from Lip, straight into what she feels is her only alternative now: an abuser. What else is there for a girl in her position? Ian was unattainable because of his sexuality, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because he was too good a person. Lip was unattainable despite her best efforts to bridge that gap because of what he had with Karen, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because her position in his life was to give but never to take. With Kenyatta, all she does is give. She’s embraced being beaten down because what else is there? She leaves with him, believing there’s nothing for her there.

When she finally finds her strength, far from home but hopefully under better circumstances than when she lived in Chicago, she still follows the formula that has ruled her decision-making for some time: finding a place where she can have the control over her life that was never there before, but still with the belief that what she has to offer isn’t academic or able to be built or improved upon. Ian has worked past his perception that his body was what he had to offer, that it was what would provide him with the love he was looking for. But of course, he has. He’s had Mickey to love him when he’s healthy and love him when he’s lost a bunch of weight from a depressive episode spent in bed. He’s had his family to mess up here and there but ultimately love him so much.

Mandy doesn’t have that. She didn’t then either. She got what she wanted—she got out. She even implied that that was the most important thing by telling Ian that being born on the South Side doesn’t mean that’s where they have to stay. But Ian “got out” of the spiral of abuse he unknowingly suffered and the mindset that it fostered while Mandy didn’t. This isn’t to say anything negative about sex work, of course, only the mindset that led Mandy to this point in her life. And when she leaves the house for the last time, she looks at Lip after having asked about him, and they acknowledge each other the way that people who once knew each other do.

I’ve made the joke before that to Milkoviches, Gallaghers are like catnip. It’s flippant and funny enough when we consider how many of them have dated at one point or other. I’ve also said the Milkoviches are designed as a foil to the Gallaghers, a juxtaposed image of what they could have been had their situation been altered slightly. In s10, Mickey mentions how the Gallaghers are messed up and he’s never been happier to be a Milkovich, so there’s some awareness there that these are the two notorious families of the neighborhood, albeit for different reasons. For Mandy to see that not one, but two Gallaghers are out of reach? To perhaps feel as though she’s less than even them, or made to feel that way in her interactions with Lip? It’s the ultimate slap in the face.

She trusts Ian more than anyone else in her life, to the point where she will still call him to help her hide a body long after she’s left him and their home behind. But trusting Ian led her to loving Ian, and she couldn’t have him. Trusting Ian led her to meeting Lip, and if Ian was so good and loved Lip so much, he had to be worth it too. And to her, he was. The problem was that she felt that she wasn’t.

Self-fulfilling prophecies suck: when you’re treated like garbage by a neighborhood that sees your family as garbage and repeatedly experience things that will make you feel like garbage around people with the best intentions, you’ll start believing that you are, in fact, garbage. I think what we’ve watched with Mandy is a steady decline from a place of strength in herself and weakness in her environment to an overall place of weakness that she couldn’t escape. Not with Ian and, when she realized that wouldn’t happen, not with the only real alternative she thought she could trust since she trusted Ian so deeply.

#shameless #shameless meta #ian gallagher #mandy milkovich #abuse tw

35 notes · View notes

inkribbon796 · 3 years

Text

Like a House of Cards Ch. 1: Showtime

Summary: Four heroes have been replaced and their intentions are less than pure. The city is dangling on a knife’s edge over a precipice. Dominoes knocked over as the city tumbles like a house of cards.

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

It was a long time coming. A long time coming.

It was early, almost sunrise when Logan and Ethan walked into the base. The door opening like the curtains of a show for them. It was early, the only people who saw them walking in who weren’t already gone on the early patrol were Chase and J.J.

So needless to say, they weren’t in danger of getting caught.

Because the four of them weren’t who they were pretending to be. They were the Suits, sent to replace and impersonate certain heroes they were similar to.

Hearts, Diamonds, Spades, and Clubs. Disguised as heroes meant to protect and save people.

Logan and Ethan walked in, Logan casting a glance to the hidden camera he knew for a certainty was in the entry hall, his pupils displaying with robotic precision and aura tapping against the barriers Marvin and Nate had long since set up as a defense, but since Mare and Lunky had passed by the sensors so many times it didn’t trip an alarm.

Chase and J.J watched them from the communications room, not altering the cameras so that Bing wasn’t tipped off. He’d been conducting his private investigations recently and none of them wanted to tip him off while he was so suspicious of all of them. Since talking to Joan, the android had cleared those in Dark’s family, and Jackie but that was it.

Ethan went into the kitchen to make some coffee as Logan relieved Chase and J.J from the watch and slid into the seat where he performed the duties that the real Logan was supposed to do. This close to their mission point precision was crucial, and any time wasted fighting Bing was a detrimental loss.

Logan was sitting in the communications room, working at one of the computers, when Ethan brought him a coffee. The room was empty except for him.

Ethan walked in, sipping on his coffee, smiling as he set one down for Logan, “So, how’s it going?”

“Without incident,” Logan answered. “You should get to bed, get ready for the next mission?”

“Geez, Sargent Frowns, it’ll all be taken care of,” Ethan took another sip. “Bastards won’t know what hit them.”

Ethan chuckled as he took a couple sips of his coffee, “Well if you don’t mind me I’ll just “go to bed” or whatever.”

Logan nodded and as Ethan was leaving the room, Joan was coming up the hallway.

“You seen any of the Sides recently?” Joan asked Ethan, looking worried.

“Yeah,” Ethan pointed to the door, “Logan’s in the comms room.”

“Is Patton in there with him?” Joan looked a little bit relieved.

“I saw him while I was out on patrol,” Ethan lied to them. “Why? Is something wrong?”

“Get everyone in the base together, we’ve got a security problem,” Joan explained.

“Got it,” Ethan hurried away as Joan walked into the comma room.

“Fucker’s gonna get us caught,” Ethan muttered angrily under his breath, tipping back the rest of his coffee.

Bing and Jackie joined Joan in the comms room with “Logan” and they started talking about another sighting of Spade in downtown Brighton and they wanted to compile information.

Something that was eyebrow raising to Spade because he’d been making his way from Janus and Remus’s house to the heroes’ base. But the real Logan wouldn’t be privy to that information so Spade, pretending to be Logan, did a pretty good impression of being surprised as he exchanged places with Bing so the android could take a seat in front of the computer.

“An’[1] that’s the report,” Jackie concluded.

“It certainly is good information to have if they’re becoming more active again,” Logan told them.

“My thoughts exactly,” Bing pointed some finger guns at Logan. “Here, I’ll get some images I got of the guy.”

“Hey Logan,” Joan smiled at him as Bing was integrating himself with the computer to look for something. “How have things been?”

“They could certainly be improved upon,” Logan commented, turning towards Joan and letting out a long, tired sigh.

“Yeah, I bet they could,” Joan agreed before a blast of magic hit Logan square in the back. Pain rocketed up the Suit’s body and his nanites glitched as Joan and Jackie threw down a disc on either side and Bing’s nanites came up and wrapped around Logan so that when the Suit stopped feeling like he was being used as a live wire, he was trapped.

When Logan turned his head he saw that Marvin was standing at the door, magic at his fingertips. The Suit was literally and figuratively surrounded. His eyes and glasses glitched, “Something always gets in the way.”

“He’s covered in nanites,” Bing warned.

“My spell should have ripped his illusion off,” Marvin told them. “I can hit him again.”

Logan looked down at the nanite constructed wires and cords trapping him and rolled his eyes, then he looked up at Joan, “Do you mind telling me what gave me away, for data correlation’s sake?”

Joan held up their phone, “Morality doesn’t use punctuation when he types, he barely uses words at all.”

“Ahh,” Logan commented cooly, smiling. “My mistake. I always tend to forget his atrocious insistence against punctuation is the only awful part of him.”

“Where’s Logic?” Jackie demanded. “Why are yeh here? Are yeh Spade or some demon? ‘Cause this is a shite time ta do this.”[2]

“Now why would I tell any of you,” Logan threatened.

“Yeh can tell us or we’ll beat the shite outta yah,”[3] Jackie threatened right back. “Logic’s been through enough shite lately ta e’en tolerate this.”[4]

“Oh trust me,” “Logan” frowned. “He hasn’t even begun to suffer.”

“An’[1] why should we trust yeh[5]?” Jackie demanded. “What’d yah do ta the real Logic?”[6]

The false Logan let out an amused chuckle, “You all have never even met the real Logan. I’m doing all of you a favor.”

“It’s Spade, fry ‘em[7],” Joan decided.

The snare lit up and electricity began coursing through the Suit’s nanite body, frying his nanite shell by inches.

Locket Payload: Critical Failure Imminent!

In a panic, that was visible on his face, Logan let out a scream as he curled around his chest and an EMP blast came from him that fried almost every electronic in the room, Bing only managing to not have to reset himself. By the time Bing was recovering, he was able to watch with the other three organic beings in the room as “Logan” burst into pixels and a cloud of nanites and shot into the light switch to hide. The young glitch demon curled around a central point of aura protectively in case Bing came after him.

Those precious seconds of hiding let Bing force the controls back on line and initiate a complete physical and electrical lockdown of the base. People, texts, calls, all unable to leave the base.

“Emergency lockdown engaged,” Bing’s voice rang out through the base just as an explosion rocked the building.

It was a small explosive charge that had been placed by Hearts, not enough to blow a hole in the side of the base but enough for the contents of the bomb to set the room on fire.

To set Marvin’s library on fire.

To Marvin’s good luck, Wade was close by and saw the fire starting up as magical tomes and spell ingredients, turning a normal fire into a popping magical one that was threatening to burn the entire base down.

The fire alarm and the sprinkles kicked up, causing further damage to the books.

Wade swore as he tried putting out the magical fire.

At the sound of the explosion, Marvin and Jackie raced over and Marvin screamed in agony as he helped put out the fire. Nate racing in to help. J.J, Chase, and Ethan came over to help but were pushed back by the others.

It took another minute to get the fire contained and Marvin was kneeling in front of the doorway to his library and looking at the ash and burnt books in horror.

“Sorry, Marv,” Jackie sat down next to his friend.

“They burned my library down,” Marvin said in grief.

“What is going on?” Wade demanded. “Last I heard there was some kind of meeting but when met with Crank, Nate, Average, and J.J the fire alarm went off. Who called the meeting?”

“We did,” Jackie told him, standing up. “It was just bad fookin’ timin’. Spade’s in the base, he got in. It must’a been him who caused the explosions.”[8]

“It’s not Spade,” Bing shouted as he ran down the halls, his nanites still fixing up the patches of metal and wires that had died in the EMP blast. “Or if it is the situation just got much worse ‘cause[9] that’s Logic.”

“What do you mean that’s Logic?” Joan demanded in a panic.

“Either Logic’s been Spade the whole time or Spade infected him with somethin’ ‘cause he’s been actin’ weird for a while,”[10] Bing said. “Lo’s still in the base. I’ve got him cornered in the sprinkler system, but he won’t stay there.”

“How could it possibly be Logan?” Joan demanded in irritated frustration. “He would never.”

“We might not be dealing with the actual Logan,” Nate spoke up, his mind already racing with possibilities. “We might be dealing with the same guy who attack me outside of a bar over a camera of all fucking things.”

“That was his suit right, Logic’s fine,” Joan defended.

Then Nate thought about that, it had been a question that Logan had always been dodgy and evasive on how the logical and scientific hero had wound up with a cursed soul splitter that didn’t work . . .

“Either way he’s got my nanites,” Bing interrupted. “Which explains how Spade got them in the first place. His suit is laced with them.”

“Are yeh[5] sure?” Jackie demanded.

“I’d recognize them anywhere, my Bluetooth was even tryin’[11] ta[12] connect with them,” Bing asserted.

. . . That didn’t . . . Nate was still trying to reason in his head.

“Which is weird because humans can’t use nanites raw,” Bing replied. “Only the Googles an’[1] Anti have the ability ta[12] use my nanites like that.”

“Shit, he’s a glitch!” Mare warned internally. “A damn smart one since he was covering his tracks as he was turning. I knew something smelt off about him. He always smelt like burnt wires and electricity.”

You tell me this now? Nate cursed himself for not realizing it sooner. While Nate was thinking the rest of the heroes were talking.

Nate felt the eye roll, “I always forget you sacks of meat can’t smell aura. I just figured, since he was supposed to be a null, that some other demon or one of the other Sides had their claws in him. The rest of them are dripping with aura.”

“Joan,” Nate spoke up, his voice soft and almost scared.

“Yeah?” Joan sat up.

“How long has Logic been Logic?” Nate asked desperately.

“Always, what kind of question is that?” They asked in return.

“I just have to rule it out, does Logic come from a family of mages? Is anyone else in his family magical.”

Joan paused for an abnormally long amount of time. “No.”

“Okay, that makes sense, being null is recessive,” Nate reasoned. You needed and aura and magic for a soul to become a demon. Logic didn’t have that, ergo he wasn’t a demon.

“Nate,” Mare tried to urge.

“He only targeted Marvin, nothing was stolen, nothing was taken from the computers, he just impersonated him and took off,” Wade reminded.

“The Sides are still gone, what are we gonna do?” Jackie demanded.

“Well when we find him, we’ll ask,” Joan reassured. “Logic’s a level-headed guy, I wish I knew where Morality was, or Princey. They’re able to calm him down.”

“Nate, let me go, and I can scent Logic out, if I don’t find him, then I’m wrong and he’s clear,” Mare tried to bargain.

“Fine,” Nate agreed and Mare broke free and looked around.

“Great,” Marvin growled.

“I’ll be back soon,” Mare didn’t spare Marvin a glance, “sorry about your cache.”

Then Mare stopped and looked at a corner of the wall and floated up to tap at it. “Hey there, don’t think I don’t see you.”

Then he ripped a camera out of the wall.

“Mine are visible,” Bing told him as the demon tossed the camera to the android.

Mare stood next to Nate, “I know, bet you that there are more, and there’s a glitch in the walls. Probably has been for a while now.”

“Is it Anti?” Jackie asked.

“Nah, Anti smells like a thunderstorm that was cooked in the oven too long,” Mare reported. “Young, likes to identify as a male; so King’s kid is out. It’s Logic, I’ve picked up that scent on him before. Maybe it’s a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing, or Logic’s always been a spy. Can’t say.”

“Maybe that soul splitter did work after all,” Nate reasoned. “Which means that he’s not wanting to come out ‘cause[9] he’s scared, so I can’t blame him. Just where’d he find the camera? That probably turned him, which makes sense why he likes to hover around the thing, he probably wants the fragments of his soul back.”

“First off, morbid,” Joan held up one of their hands. “And second, I found it at an estate sale. I gave it to Thomas, who—”

Joan trailed off, already knowing they’d made a mistake.

Nate stared at him, “Logic’s name is Logan, who’s Thomas? Is that Princey or Anxiety?”

“Not exactly,” Joan tried to evade.

“What does that mean? Is Logan like a middle name or a name he just prefers more?” Mare asked. “Or was Thomas, Logic’s name before he was split?”

Joan really didn’t want to have this discussion without any of the Sides, but Logan was apparently hiding in the walls and the other Sides were all missing. So maybe this was as good a time as any. “Look, if you’re right and Lo is some kind of demon, which he’s not because Logic is a harmless sweetheart, then we didn’t know because a soul splitter is only supposed to make one demon right?”

The room descended into chilling silence.

“The fook yeh mean one, Logic got like a twin or somethin’?”[13] Marvin demanded.

“More like septuplets,” Joan admitted, holding up seven fingers.

“Oh shit,” Mare realized.

“They all came from the same person?” Nate gasped. Logic. Morality. Creativity. Deceit. Anxiety . . . A glitch. Two showmen. Two empaths. A deal maker. And whatever the hell Orange is.

“I’ve never seen a spilt this clean, or create so many, usually a splitter just makes one and it can’t even do that right,” Nate commented. “But they’re all so lifelike. How powerful of a mage was Thomas?”

“He wasn’t,” Joan tried to explain. “Or at least, I never saw him do anything.”

“Well, at least we know where the other Sides went,” Mare spat through clenched teeth.

“No, no,” Nate cut him off. “That’s not a fight a glitch can win, not on their own. We should just focus on finding Logic and containing him before we accuse him of anything.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Joan agreed.

The heroes and Mare began completely cleaning the room of any cameras or listening devices, whether they were Bing’s or not. Then they made a plan to ensnare Logan. They started by taking out the cameras and bugs in the major room before Bing began actively trying to catch Logan.

It was an endeavor that Bing was not successful in. But the Suit saw an opening and went for the unlocked front door.

When he did, Logan slammed into an invisible barrier, sparks and magic arcing everywhere.

Nate quickly moved in to seal off the containment circle with more salt as Logan was picking himself up.

“Hey, Lo,” Nate knelt down, “rough week?”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Accessibility Translations

1. And

2. Why are you here? Are you Spade or some demon? Because this is a shit time to do this.

3. You can tell us or we’ll beat the shit out of you

4. Logic’s been through enough shit lately to even tolerate this.

5. you

6. What did you do to the real Logic?

7. them

8. It was just bad fucking timing. Spade’s in the base, he got in. It must have been him who caused the explosion.

9. because

10. Either Logic’s been Spade the whole time or Spade infected him with something because he’s been acting weird for a while

11. trying

12. to

13. The fuck you mean one, does Logic have like a twin or something?

#Superhero AU #Masks and Maladies #Thomas Sanders #Jacksepticeye #Crankgameplays #Markiplier #Natewantstobattle #footnotes #kidnapping mention #Jackieboy Man #Bingiplier #Natemare #Logan Sanders #Joan Stokes #Chase Brody #J.J

6 notes · View notes

ryik-the-writer · 4 years

Photo

Chapter 28: The Missing Pan

A03

Chapter 1: Pan meets a Wendy

· Chapter 2: Scars (Felix’s Story)

· Chapter 3: Day One

· Chapter 4: Revenge and Fireflies

· Chapter 5: Brighter than Stars

· Chapter 6: filler: The Tigress

· Chapter 7: Operation Spotless!

· Chapter 8: Operation Spotless: Reporters Down

· Chapter 9: A Dance with the Devil

· Chapter 10: filler: Felix and the Pancake

· Chapter 11: The Girl with Blue Eyes pt. 1

· Chapter 12: The Girl with Blue Eyes pt. 2

· Chapter 13: The Girl With Blue Eyes: Underground

· Chapter 14. Recovery

· Chapter 14.2 Recovery some more

· Chapter 15: Trapped

Chapter 16: Filth

Chapter 17: Fairydust pt. 1

Chapter 18: Fairydust pt. 2

Chapter 19: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 3

Chapter 20: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 2

Chapter 21: The Mystery of the Dead Nun pt. 3

Chapter 22: Reflections pt. 1

Chapter 23: Reflections pt. 2

Chapter 24: Closing

Chapter 25: Felix is helping Pan

Chapter 26: Temporary Fix

Chapter 27: The Search Begins

It was like a bizarre book club meeting, except there was no book and the meeting was held at Tink’s forest of a living room.

He had found Pan’s broken cellphone nearly three days ago, and hadn’t seen hide or hair of him since.

He was worried, especially as he saw less and less of Wendy roaming the town looking for him.

No, he wasn’t stalking her that would be creepy. He was just watching her from afar, usually behind buildings, in case Pan reappeared by her side.

He was worried about the little shit, even if he’d rather not think about him and what they were—or rather what they had been.

Their relationship was on Pan’s terms, as it had been the night August returned to Storybrooke two years ago.

It had been just a glitch on their timeline, a moment in history that would go unrecorded.

He had returned to Storybrooke after the money he pawned from several of his father’s tools ran out.

He was tired and sore, not sure whether he was back to ask for forgiveness or to take more from his loving father. His motorcycle was nearly out of gas, his tires shreds of rubber attached to rims.

He hadn’t realized the clusterfuck he’d road in on. That Storybrooke was practically on lockdown after Jekyll killed those two girls—and nearly a third, he’d find out later.

And—for his own sanity—Pan was waiting at the town line for the psychopath to return, with the blunt end of his camera at that.

As his head was spinning from being clabbered over the head from the hit, Pan had kicked him onto his back.

“Shit,” he had said. “You’re not him.”

“Lucky for me,” August deadpanned, wobbling as he picked himself up. “Want to explain why the hell you did that?”

“Monster hunting,” Pan had stated, staring at him suspiciously, offering him no assistance.

It was close to 3 a.m., a completely unreasonable hour for anyone to be running around—travelers or off-their-knocker journalists.

“Yeah,” August muttered, grabbing his bike and preparing to head into the town.

“Everything’s closed,” Pan said. “You’re better off sleeping in the woods.”

It was none of the little shit’s business. In fact it was probably best if he kept his entire being to himself. For he knew his father had taken out a report to the police.

“I’ll be fine,” he said. “Thanks for not giving me a concussion.”

“You might as well come back with me.”

The weight of those words still clung to August’s brain this very day.

That brutal, flirtatious, broken boy…

“What’s this about?

August looked up. Tink, Felix and Lily Tigress were surrounding him, trying to figure as much as he was what the hell was going on.

August stood, feeling the mix of emotions from the people in the room.

“Pan’s missing.” He said, simply.

The reactions that followed fit everyone perfectly.

Tinkerbell scoffed and rolled her eyes while Felix seemed to melt with fear. Tigress snorted.

“Have you checked all the holes in the city?” she teased.

“And ditches,” he replied humorlessly. “He’s not anywhere.”

“Maybe check in the depths of hell.” Tink muttered, flopping down on her couch.

“What happened,” Felix inquired, obviously the only other person in the room that had general concern.

“I have no idea,” August sighed.

“It’s probably nothing!” Tink exclaimed, visibly aggravated. “He’s always pulling shit like this, we all know it!” she looked around at everyone, their eyes dropping .

“I don’t know this time—” August began before Tink cut him off.

“He’s fine! He’s off screwing someone or ruining a life. He’ll come back and continue as normal.”

August blinked hard and reached into his pocket. In a flash he threw Pan’s broken, dead cellphone onto Tink’s coffee table, an inch away from Tigress’s boots.

The occupants of the room stared at the device like it was something that had just fallen from the sky, as if they had no idea what to make of it.

“I found this the other night at the docks,” August explained, swallowing a lump. “I’ve been looking for him ever since. It died a few hours after I found it.”

Felix gripped his kneecaps until his fingers turned white. Tigress glanced at him and then at Tink’s still shoulders, wishing she could reach into her back and unknot every single one of her muscles.

“It could be an accident,” Tink said, her mind numb.

“There’s something wrong here, Tink,” August said. “Something I don’t think we’ve dealt with before.”

Tink nodded slightly. She could accept that this was a bit odd, but she wasn’t ready to relent to a search just yet.

“Did you go through the phone, see who he called last?” Felix inquired.

A cold sweat ran down August’s back.

“Yeah…it…it was me,” he looked straight ahead, trying to avoid Tink’s direct gaze. “The night he wrote that story about you.”

Tink barely moved, the only indication that she heard August was the darkening of her pupils.

“Last time I saw him was the morning after that when Wendy showed up and…all the other stuff happened.”

“Have you talked to her?” Tigress asked. “Why isn’t she here?”

August thought about the blonde enigma who spent the better part of two days searching for the wild boy…

And then she stopped…

Not from falling into a fate like Pan’s, but rather a strange dark haired man seemed to be gypsying her away from her task.

Maybe she had the same mindset as Tink, that Pan was somewhere safe and sound but avoiding the rest of the world.

Or perhaps she’d finally realized she deserved to use her time the way she wanted and not focus so much on Pan.

When he’d see her in town, her gaze would occasionally stray to the streets and into shops, looking for him without trying.

But she wasn’t alone. There was someone else with her, some dark entity that always seemed to be just out of both their line of site.

“She’s looking for him,” August concluded.

“Have you gone to Graham?”

“No, not yet,” he admitted.

Tink smiled bitterly. “There’s your answer,”

August leaned forward. “Do you really think Graham is going to take this seriously with Pan’s track record?”

“That’s the best thing to do!” Tink yelled. “He’s not our problem.”

“Yeah, he is,”

“No he’s fucking not! We have nothing to do with any of this!”

“Yeah we do!”

“He’s your little fuck buddy not mine!”

A wave of sand coursed through August’s throat, cutting him off.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Felix finally jumped in, evenly meeting Tink’s glare. “He’s right, we have to help.”

“Are you kidding me, Felix!” Tink exploded.

“What he did was terrible,” Felix injected, putting everything everyone in the room had held in for days now. “But if you turn your back on him and something really is wrong, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Because he is family, Tink. He’s one of us.”

He stepped forward, keeping his distance after taking her stiff posture into account.

“And you know he didn’t do any of this to hurt you, even if he did,”

Tink scoffed. “I know that. But I’m so sick of him thinking rules don’t apply to him and that he’s invincible,” she paced a bit, thinking about the wild-haired boy to always brought so much chaos into their lives. Who was more trouble than any of them knew what to do with.

“What if he’d been alone that night?” She wondered aloud, knowing firsthand the type of cruelty Mother Superior could enact when pushed too far.

Pan was in trouble, and this time it was more serious than ever of them had ever seen before.

He was usually good at getting himself out of messes and suffering the consequences on his own. But things were different this time. This time he was somewhere none of them could find.

Tink groaned, tucking her anger away for later.

“When was the last day you talked to Wendy?” she sighed in August’s direction.

His lip twitched in gratification. “The day she told me Pan was missing.”

“Then Lily and I will check with her first.” Tink said, voice strong with leadership. “You and Felix check the paper and Graham and all his usual haunts.”

Before Felix could ask for more, Tink was out the door.

Lily gave the men a shrug before following her friend, not looking to cause a fight with the fiery blonde.

Felix sighed in relief when they finally left, trying his best to stay calm. Last thing he needed was to fall into a seizure.

“That takes care of that,” August teased. “You ready?”

Felix looked over at him, frowning heavily. He had no feeling for August, good or bad. The two didn’t see or speak to each other than the few times he left Pan’s place.

He wasn’t a bad person from what Felix could gather, but he wasn’t the best influence on Pan. He was too casual, not interested in settling down.

Adding gasoline to the fire of Pan’s soul.

Still, obviously he cared about him enough that he cared if he was missing or not, so some points were warranted.

“We’ll need to start with Graham first,”

“Why’s that?”

Felix frowned. “I might know the reason he’s missing.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Pan wasn’t sure where to target his latest wave of sickness from.

The swaying ship, the dehydration, or the infection building around his numb wrists from the metal cuffs?

He was more than certain he was developing some kind of bladder infection as well.

God he was tired.

Jones hadn’t been to see him in a day and a half, or at least that’s what he was estimating judging by the light that was coming in thorough the cracks of the ship.

He wondered what he was doing, especially to Wendy. Had he hurt her? Was he torturing her right now to get information out of her?

What did this asshole hope to accomplish keeping him locked up? Why didn’t he just off him already?

Or maybe this was it. Maybe he just wanted to kill him slowly.

As he nodded in and out of consciousness, he caught images of the people in his life. Wendy and Felix up front, Tink, August, and Tigress just behind them. Even Glass and Gold, and deeper in the shadows, Belle.

Each time he woke up, they would vanish, and Pan wouldn’t remember who he was dreaming about.

The smell of salt was enough to make him vomit now. He was dying, and he was doing so cruelly slow.

Would any of the people he kept seeing in that place between sleep and awake ever know what had happened to him.

Was anyone looking for him?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The last few days had become sort of a new routine for Wendy. She’d leave her apartment at the crack of dawn and visit Pan’s apartment…knocking just in case he’d come home.

But he hadn’t, and she’d let herself in and feed his fuzzy orange cat who had yet to be utterly concern about his master’s disappearance.

It was comforting feeding the large cat without Pan’s interference, she thought. No one to pick fun at her at every opportunity. No one to push her into a corner, away from her safest places.

No one to pick fun at her at every opportunity. No one to push her into a corner, away from her safest places.

It was unsettling, Pan’s absence. But there was an odd peace in the air. One that didn’t quite fit in Storybrooke’s atmosphere, but one that was welcome. If only for a short time.

Each day without the wild boy was like a blurry vacation: you knew each day was passing by but the details were unclear.

And somehow Pan was blurring from her memory as well.

She’d wake up in the dead of night with a glimpse of him in the air above her head.

Then he’d disappear, and she’d fall asleep without concern.

It felt wrong, to brush him off after all they’d been through, even in her sleep.

But there was an odd freedom to letting him go, especially if he didn’t want to be found.

She stared at the number on her cell phone glaring back at her, the one she’d called constantly in the last four days.

He doesn’t want to be found, she reminded herself. Calling him again would be fruitless.

She knew this, it was imbedded in her brain at this point.

Yet she pressed his number again and listened as his voice mail immediately came up.

It’s Pan. Call me back.

No, she decided solemnly, she wouldn’t.

“Hi, Pan…it’s…it’s me again.” Wendy chuckled. “I guess you know that by now…”

She paused, knowing if she were quiet for too long she’d have to start over.

She didn’t want to start over. She wanted to go forward.

“Look,” she sighed. “I can’t keep doing this with you. Everyday it’s a fight with you and I have no idea why. I don’t know what I did the other day to make you leave like that…but you need…”

She paused again.

“Well I don’t know what you need o honestly, but it’s something you have to figure out for yourself.”

She considered hanging up then, but she didn’t want to leave him on such a harsh note.

“I really hope you try, Pan, because I don’t want to fight with you anymore. After everything, I really want us to be—“

The voicemail beeped, inquiring if she wanted to start over or if she was satisfied with her message.

She didn’t want to start over.

So she hung up and headed to the docks.

Killian was there, as he always seemed to be.

Perhaps it was her need for new freedom that silenced the warning bells in her head, that made her drop the walls and inhibitions that had clung to her like a second skin during the last several months.

She approached him without fear, without any type of concern holding her back.

And she didn’t question him when he slid a manila folder into his leather coat.

“Is dinner still on the table?” she questioned.

He tilted his head, amused, though his pulse was racing. “I thought lunch was the next step.”

Wendy shrugged, stepping a bit closer. “I’m feeling…braver than I did yesterday.”

He chuckled, concealing the folder further into his jacket for dear life. “Well then, Miss Wendy Darling, tomorrow night?”

She smiled, relieved. “I’d like that.”

He watched her leave, noting the little pep in her step.

Such a lovely girl, he thought, and more malleable than he had originally foreseen. Jones thought he was going to have to push her more to fall into his grip, but it would seem she was finally crumbling.

He made his way back to this ship quickly, opening the folder full of information for his backup plan.

He stepped into his cabin, breaking out his best rum. This was a small victory after all.

Some of the glasses on his counter shook lightly, so little they could almost be missed. Jones rolled his eyes. He’d forgotten to feed his captive again…and water him for that matter.

Whoops.

He still hadn’t told him why he’d requested those files, what he was digging for.

Who he was searching for.

And how Miss Darling was involved was still being revealed, but time was running short.

He had been given orders to find out now.

He spread his new leverage across the table, frowning a bit.

The two boys, preteens by the look of it, caught his eye first. He hated targeting kids. It was so pointless.

His eyes traveled to the woman next. He could see bits of Wendy in her, especially in the shape of her eyes. She had the man’s jaw however…and his frown, he noticed with amusement.

A tidy little family in danger of meeting the blunt end of his gun.

Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that, he decided as he hid the folder. Hopefully, very soon, Wendy would tell him what he wanted to know.

The pipes sang from Pan’s struggle again.

He was already a dead man walking, and too tight-lipped to save now.

Feeding time.

#darling pan #darling pan fic #wendy darling #ouat fic #ouat #peter pan #felix #tinkerbell #captain hook

18 notes · View notes

onceuponaloonatic · 4 years

Note

Saya and Sana having a massive fight during the AU AU quarantine. Saya being a total angsty teenager and saying some pretty hurtful things about her mom and her baby sister. Sana tries not to let her feelings be hurt by her own kid, but Saya is just making things so difficult. It's not like Sana planned to have Nico this late in life, it's not like she controlled her being a premie, and she didn't make covid. But somehow teenage Saya seems to want to blame everything on Sana and Nico. 🦄

When Nico was first born, everything seemed perfect. Sure Nico was in the hospital, and they had no clue when she would be coming home but the doctors assured her it would be no later than two months. They said that they just needed Nico to grow a bit more, and they needed to protect her tiny weak lungs. Things started getting bad about one and a half months after Nico was born. There were all these rumors of a new virus from China, and there was a steady rising number of cases. Due to it the hospital released Nico two weeks early, they told her she was pretty much okay to live on her own and if hospitals got overcrowded it would be a worse environment for her than it would be to be at home. No one could have known what happened next.

When lockdown started, Mina Sana and Tzuyu took it very seriously. They were advised by the doctors that if Nico caught covid she could die. Her lungs were weak and she was still underweight even for a two month old, meaning her tiny body was not capable of fighting the virus. Tzuyu stayed home from work, the triplets were banned from coming near their baby sister, and Sana cancelled all her photoshoots. At first the triplets were still going to school, so they didn’t allow them anywhere near Nico, but then school got canceled and after getting the entire family tested they were allowed to be near their baby sister again.

As cases rose Mina knew she couldn’t keep going home and risking exposure for Nico. She refused to be the reason Nico was put in a life or death situation, and it would kill her if she got anyone in the family sick. Not just because of Nico, but because she had seen what the virus could do to people. So, for their safety, Mina decided to stay at a hotel. She told Sana and Tzuyu to stop getting groceries and that she would drop them off every Sunday, but when she got too busy with work Seojun, Hyunjun, and Yuna stepped up. As the only family without a baby the Yoo kids thought it was their duty to help out their aunts by running errands for them so the babies could be safe. It was really hard for Mina, to have to work long shifts at the hospital and then not even be able to hug her family when she got home, instead returning to a lonely hotel room. It just made it worse that she had a newborn at home. She missed them more than anything, and whenever she could she would facetime them. One night she watched the baby monitor footage of Nico sleeping for four hours, just listening to Nico’s gentle breathing and watching her sleep. It reminded Mina why she was doing this. It was for her. It was so she could be healthy.

Meanwhile without Mina the family was not doing well. Ever since Nico had come home from the hospital Sana had never wanted to let her out of her sight. She even dragged the spare mattress into Nico’s bedroom and slept on it, just so she could be closer to the baby. Sana was so worried about her. Sure she was healthy right now but that could change at any moment. Anytime the baby so much as sneezed Sana would hold her breath, check her temperature, and look up the early symptoms of covid. She wasn’t just worried about Nico though. Saki had always struggled with illnesses, and Sana was worried Saki could be really affected by covid. She was worried about Sae, because Sae hated getting sick. She was worried about Sai, not just of her getting sick but because she seemed so depressed being dragged away from university and her whole life. Saya was an entire different situation. Yes she was worried about Saya as well, arguably more worried than Sae and Sai, but Saya was making it really hard to be worried about her.

Tzuyu was the only thing keeping them all from falling apart, and even then she had a full time job she had to do. Sai barely even left her room, complaining about how her life was ruined and how she should be at college right now. Sae wasn’t really doing anything wrong, and nor was Saki, but they argued with Saya a lot. Saya was being the biggest brat about being told to stay inside. It was like she was mad at them she had to stay inside.

“Mom can I at least go to Yujin’s? Her family hasn’t been anywhere since lockdown started.” Saya whined to her mother. Sana was with Nico, laying with the asleep baby on her chest while Sana caught up on the texts Mina had sent her.

“Have they been going to the grocery store?” Sana asked.

“I mean yeah- but come on. It’s only four people. It’s fine.” Saya whined.

“Saya you know we can’t take chances.” Sana nodded.

“It’s all her fault.” Saya groaned, looking at the tiny baby sleeping on her mom’s chest. “If you didn’t have her we would be able to go out. Why did you have to have her mom? All your kids were grown up but you just had to have another baby.”

“Saya, you don’t mean that.” Sana sighed, trying not to get too hurt by Saya’s statement. Saya was just frustrated and bored, Sana told herself. “Besides, this isn’t all about Nico. Yes I want to keep her safe and yes I’m very worried about her, but I’m worried about the rest of you too.”

“The rest of us will be fine. You're just saying that cause you are trying to make me feel better. I can’t believe you are prioritizing Nico over me. If you really loved me you would at least let me go to Yujin’s.”

“Saya stop it. Even if Nico hadn’t been born I would still not let you go to Yujin’s, I’m keeping you safe.”

“You're driving me crazy and making me depressed! And it’s all that stupid baby’s fault!”

“Myoui-Chou Saya you better stop talking like that right now.” Sana warned.

“What are you going to do about it?!”

“Go to your room!” Sana finally broke. She didn’t want to yell with her baby on her chest but Saya had forced her. Nico awoke at the yelling, Sana’s anger upsetting her. “Look at what you made me do, we made her cry.”

“She’s a baby that’s all she does! Stupid Nico I hate you!” Saya stopped off and slammed the door behind her. Sana cradled Nico in her arms, bouncing her softly to calm her down. Once she was quiet Sana sat back down with her little angel in her lap. Sana sighed as she looked at the baby, it’s not like she wanted to have Nico so late in life, it’s not like she chose for her to be born prematurely, and it’s not like she created covid. But she didn’t regret having Nico, not for one second. Saya could blame her all she wanted, Sana just knew it was the stress talking. Her daughter couldn’t really mean stuff like that. Right?

#twice #misatzu #minatozaki sana #myoui mina #chou tzuyu #sai #saya #saki #sae #nico #🦄 anon #au au

9 notes · View notes

atanearerdistance · 6 years

Text

The Fight Between Us

Summary: Weeks after Mon-El's return, he and Kara can't seem to stay away from each other. Alex learns some things she wishes she could forget about it.

Click here to read on AO3

“You can hide in here forever, but eventually Voldemort is going to come for you.”

Mon-El’s head snapped up from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix as Kara appeared suddenly in his hideout spot at the DEO. The dark room was filled with emergency supplies in case of a sudden lockdown, and in his time there when he’d first come to Earth from Daxam, he’d discovered a soft armchair there that made it a perfect escape when the pressures of being a hero got to be a little too much.

“I have to hide if I’m ever going to have a chance to finish this series. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting? How will I know if Ron and Hermione are ever going to admit how they feel about each other?” Kara chuckled. “How did you find me here, anyway?” He asked, moderately embarrassed.

She raised an eyebrow at him, stepping fully into the room and shutting the door behind her. The room grew dim once the door was closed, a small reading lamp next to the armchair providing the only light on Mon-El’s face. He looked exhausted. Kara and the DEO had been chasing after Reign for weeks, and Mon-El had insisted on being a part of every battle, Imra often close by. Frequently she’d arrive at the building in the morning to find him asleep on top of Winn’s keyboard, or curled up on a mat in the training room.

“You can’t honestly think that I didn’t know you were here all this time,” Kara said, a small smile on her face. “I found you asleep in here after our first training together, when I made you keep going for a couple hours and finally you swore to me up and down that you were going to the bathroom…”

“In my defense it was seven hours, Kara, seven. I’d barely been on Earth a month and you were training me like a Marine,” Mon-El interrupted with the barest hint of a smirk. “Also, you were terrifying back then.”

“Oh and I’m not now?” She teased, grinning, and she shot him a dangerous look. All at once she had moved to yank him out of his chair, but he was two steps ahead of her, and in a millionth of a second he’d gotten up and flipped them around so she was pressed up against the gray wall behind his chair, so fast that even Kara Danvers found herself rendered out of breath. He was still smirking at her, and he wasn’t even touching her anywhere but on her shoulders, but the dark gaze he gave her lit her on fire all the same. “When did you learn to do that?” She asked in a breathy voice, staring straight back at him.

He merely scoffed, letting her go and backing away a few paces to a cabinet on the other side of the closet. “Always going to see me as the hero-in-training, aren’t you?”

She took another step towards him, and in a very un-Kara Danvers-like voice, whispered, “Are you prepared to claim that you’re no longer in training?”

He raised an eyebrow at her, playing along. “I think I’ve picked up a few tricks.” They were frozen for a moment, standing just a few inches apart and with eyes locked on one another. Kara was bold enough to reach out a hand, running one finger down the hairs on his face in a way that made him tremble. It was a challenge, and they both knew it. She gave him an innocent smile, and he narrowed his eyes at her, daring her to go on. He watched her hand as ever so slowly, she moved it to his chest and poked him firmly in the center.

“Sure you want to do that?” He asked in a low, gravelly voice.

She poked him again.

Mon-El smiled. “If you’re sure.”

Almost instantly, they had both sped to the training room fifty yards away. They began combat, Kara swinging an arm towards Mon-El’s stomach that he leaped away from. Their movements grew faster and faster, and after half a minute their fight had become a blur for everyone else at the DEO.

“Good lord,” Alex muttered, rising from her desk and moving to the door of the room. Kara and Mon-El were indistinguishable from the swirl of wind around them, though Alex could make out her sister’s curls spinning around every time she did a flip upside down. At one second, the blur stopped as Mon-El had her pinned to an unlucky practice dummy; a few seconds later, Kara was over him on the ground, his hands locked down by hers over his head.

“That’s incredible,” a voice said next to her. Alex turned to see a short dark haired woman staring at the pair with an unreadable expression on her face. Imra looked up at Alex. “I’ve read about how strong Supergirl is, but seeing her matched up against Mon-El is something else entirely. Where we come from, no one can match Mon-El in hand-to-hand combat.” They both held their breath as Kara flew both of them to the ceiling, allowing Mon-El to hold her body firmly above his before dropping both of their weight to the ground. The concrete ground immediately cracked, and Alex groaned. “Mon-El kept telling us that Supergirl could kick his ass, but we never believed him, he trained harder than anybody.”

“She could,” Alex responded, clearing her throat before adding, “I mean she can kick his ass. When Mon-El used to live here, she could wipe the floor with him and then make him clean it up….but I have to admit, this is impressive.”

Imra nodded, eyes still wide at the scene. “I can see why they got along so well,” she commented softly.

Alex turned to Imra then, surprised. “Mon-El talked about her?”

Imra sighed, shifting her weight from one foot to another. “Not at first. We have a similar base of operations to this one back in our century. Not to reveal too much about the future, but for the last several years we have needed more powerful people. People capable of protecting Earth, or at least what’s left of it. We found Mon-El a year after he got to our century. He’d enrolled in some police academy because he couldn’t figure out how else to help and he kept breaking the Earthly laws of physics in all of his fitness tests. We came in to check him out, and figured out that he’d been dropping off criminals at the police station at night.

“He agreed to work with us pretty quickly, but it was months before he trusted any of us enough to tell us where he had come from. After about a year and a half, he finally started telling us about working with Supergirl. I know she’s your sister, but to us, she’s like King Arthur, she’s a legend. We could tell from the way that Mon-El spoke about her that everything we’d heard was true. He barely mentioned how they felt about each other, but the way he talked, we all knew.”

Their conversation was halted when Kara and Mon-El ended up blasted onto opposite walls of the training facility and stopped sparring. The concrete in the room was cracked in at least four parts of the room, and there were half a dozen practice dummies scattered around that had lost limbs from being thrown around. Alex couldn’t help but smile as she saw the pair laughing at the mess they had created, seemingly having forgotten about the tension of the past month.

“I just don’t understand,” Alex admitted. “I know time heals all wounds and he was away from her for much longer, but when they were together last year, they would have done anything for each other. How did he end up married to someone else?”

She waited for Imra to look insulted, but the face didn’t come. “I think they would still do anything for each other,” Imra answered, wistfully staring at her husband. “Look at them, it’s like the world exists only in that room.”

It was, Alex acknowledged. Her sister had a smile stretched across her face that she hadn’t seen in months, and she and Mon-El were making jokes about how much he knew about the ending of some of their favorite tv shows while picking up some of the mess they made. Mon-El reached around Kara's side to knock her off her feet a little, and the battle began again.

“Doesn’t this bother you?”

Imra exhaled, looking away from the scene. “It’s more complicated than that.”

“I don’t mean to insult your intelligence or anything, but how?”

Imra started pacing across the doorway, awkwardly clasping her hands together as if she was anxious. “Alex, would you care to go for a walk….away from superpowered ears, perhaps?”

Alex gave her a confused look before nodding slowly.

Twenty minutes later, the two were at a park five miles away, surrounded by trees and the hustle of young families kicking balls around and older couples sitting on park benches. “Is this far enough that Kara can’t hear us?” Imra asked.

“She could hear us if she was concentrating, but this is far enough that there’s very little chance that she will be.”

They started down a walking trail at the edge of the park. The sun was starting to set to their left, and the air had cooled considerably since Alex had arrived at the DEO a few hours earlier. “So what is this about?”

Imra gave her a nervous glance before proceeding. “There are plans that our team made for coming back here that have not exactly gone the way we meant for them to go. We did mean to come to this century, but we were trying to time our arrival for a particular moment that may still be a ways off. That’s why part of our team is still asleep in our ship at the bottom of the ocean; Mon-El and I weren’t sure if we should wake them before the time comes.” She paused, looking over at a couple with a stroller that was sitting on a bench a few feet away. “When we first realized we needed to go back to this century, no one thought it was a good idea for Mon-El to come with us. We thought we could sneak around for a few days or weeks undetected, but if anyone here caught a whiff that he was home, it could seriously derail our efforts to keep Earth safe. As you can see, neither of those plans have worked out the way we thought they would.”

She continued. “Mon-El absolutely refused to stay back. He said if anyone was going to Supergirl’s world to keep her safe, he was going to be there too. We tried to reason with him. We begged, at one point. Rokk, our de facto leader, threatened him on more than one occasion. Nothing worked, we just made him more determined. So we made a deal.” They turned a corner, walking along a small bridge over a narrow stream. “How much do you know about my powers?”

“I don’t think I know anything,” Alex replied, growing more and more bewildered by the second.

“I’m an empath. I can control a person’s mind and memories.” Alex’s eyebrows jumped up, but she waited for Imra to go on. “While Mon-El and Rokk were arguing about him coming for the twentieth time, I came up with an idea. Mon-El could come, but he had to be altered in such a way that he would think he had to stay away from Kara. He had to think that it was wrong for him to be anywhere near her.”

Alex’s eyes were wide. “He had to think he was married to someone else.”

Imra swallowed, then repeated her words. “He had to think he was married to someone else.”

It was at that moment back at the DEO that Kara and Mon-El retreated back to the main office. “I’ll be feeling that one for a few days,” Mon-El said, stretching his arms over his head and plopping down at Winn’s empty desk. “I haven’t scrapped like that in months. My team tends to have far more brainy superpowers.”

Kara’s mouth dropped, and she pretended to be offended. “Are you implying that I am all muscle?”

Mon-El tilted his head and grinned at her, propping his feet up onto another office chair and stretching down to his toes. “I’m just saying, nobody has ever beaten you just by wrestling you. Until today, of course.”

“Oh I was going easy on you,” Kara teased. “I could have taken you in five seconds flat.”

Mon-El laughed. “Are you sure? Because I don’t think I’ve ever heard you panting before…in a fight that is.” They both froze at his accidental innuendo. “Crap, I didn’t mean..”

“It’s okay,” she said quietly. “I just have to get used to reality.” She stared at the ground.

Mon-El bit his lip, a knot tightening in his stomach. Five miles away, Imra shut her eyes in fear as she felt their identical, simultaneous thoughts.

I wish I knew how not to love you.

Imra stopped walking, turning to look at Alex directly in the middle of the park. “The point of me bringing you out here is, our plan is not working. Mon-El’s memories were altered so that he thinks with time, he moved on, and though our marriage is political, he’s mostly happy. He’s not in love with me, by any means, but we have a friendly enough partnership. But as soon as we ran into Kara, I knew the plan was going to fail completely. He’s just fallen in love with her again.” She shook her head in defeat. “Alex, I know you’re angry, but we were trying to protect Kara.”

“So you’re just saying I should be okay with someone who was a stranger to me a month ago keeping my sister from the only man she’s ever loved?” Alex replied angrily.

“Yes,” Imra responded firmly, reaching out to put a hand on Alex’s shoulder. She paused. “Because if Kara and Mon-El can’t stay away from each other, and they clearly can’t, one of them is going to die.”

#supergirl #karamel #kara x mon el #kara x mon-el #mon el x kara #mon-el x kara #karamel lb #space puppies #pro karamel #mon el protection squad #kara and mon-el #mon-el and kara #mon el and kara #kara and mon el #karamel club soda #arrowverse

48 notes · View notes

yaminerua · 4 years

Text

Y’all I am seriously not having a good time rn

And like yeah literally no-one is because this year is a fucking disaster but god..... I feel like I’m getting backed onto the edge of a cliff by stress...

I’m sorry I’ve been slow with commissions and barely got any new art done but man I just don’t have the emotional or physical energy to...

This year has been one year after another of stressful or upsetting things even just in my personal life alone and that’s not even INCLUDING the state of the world and everything else going on...

Like god my papa died this year and I knew he was going to eventually because cancer is a fucking Bitch but it happened faster than anyone thought only a few days before the UK’s lockdown was finally put in place. So I couldn’t go to the funeral. But my aunt had said even before we knew we wouldn’t be allowed that if my brother and I showed up there’d be a war. Because of all the Stupid Family Nonsense that has just been swirling and bubbling and frothing over the years. My gran is torn between wanting me to visit cos I’d be good company and hating my guts because of all the Shit that’s happened.

I dunno how to abridge it... it’s mostly them rewriting history or just straight up misinterpreting the ways or reasons things happened and pinning it all on my dad, his family, and my and my brother instead of the actual people who fucked everything up, those being the crooked lawyers who fucked us over 20 years ago, my mum after her meltdown changed her into a horrible person and her family who tried to gaslight, kidnap, blackmail and manipulate us all the fuckin way.

We were terrified of them because they tried to kidnap us and keep us from dad, tried to lie to us and change the way events unfolded by telling us completely false versions of events despite the fact we were present for most of them and they absolutely did not play out the way they wanted us to believe. Tried to brainwash us against my dad and his family and then turned around and tried to say that him and his family were trying to brainwash us against THEM.

So much distress and upset happened whenever we visited and other things happened that were just plain terrifying fear-for-our-lives shit that we just. Didn’t feel safe going over anymore. But they refuse to accept that. And think we just cut them off and abandoned them (which is rich since actually the cutting off happened from their end first but, again, they loooove to rewrite history).

So all of that mess is being continuously dug up to guilt trip us and make us feel bad because our cousins hate us, my aunt Despises us, and my gran wobbles in between of wanting to see us and also despising us too.

I made an effort to rebuild the bridges that had been burnt because I wanted my papa to know I didn’t hate him and that I wanted him to see me again and know that an effort was being made to patch things up because I knew that was what he wanted. And he never deserved to have been cut off from us. It was the women in the family who were being the assholes and he was just for the most part caught up in it.

He was so happy to see me and happy to think the family was beginning to come together again. Unfortunately his daughter and her sons do not respect his wishes. And my mum flip flops because she’s still affected by what happened to her more than 15 years ago. Her head got so messed up by all the legal stress and the brainwashing from her mum and sister that she just. Doesn’t remember what was real or what was false anymore. But also won’t ever listen to our side because it’s Wrong By Default.

So we ‘abandoned’ her in her eyes and she will Always try to Remind us. of that and all the other bullshit she wants us to believe.

My phone anxiety is directly related to her and Now I have to talk to her everyday because my papa’s death unfortunately opened up the communications that I’d forced closed for years to protect my own mental health.

But this year has just been ‘fuck your mental health’ so. naturally that wish gets kicked out the window and the phone can’t be refused anymore.

Sometimes the calls are ok. She talks about herself for 2 hours and then that’s it. other times it becomes a rant, an attempt to convince, an attempt to deliberately make me feel awful and Oh Boy is she Good At That. And I can’t hang up on her because that pisses her off More and then she’ll write a horrible email to my brother where she tries to pull the same shit on him and I refuse to have him have to deal with that because for SOME FUCKIN REASON she only pulls this shit on the phone with me and NEVER DOES THIS TO HIM.

God. Why.

Anyway that’s just one thing that’s persistent and continuous. And I make myself sadder about it watching old home videos we found from 20 years ago. One of them I’d never seen was the literal day I was born and it.... it shook me so much I broke down watching it. It’s like watching good days, innocent days when all seemed well, knowing the future and how wretched and awful and deeply traumatising the years ahead are for that little kid who has no idea what’s awaiting them.

Cue lockdown and my dad and brother and I are looking after my granny. She had a stroke 2 years ago, hit her head on a cabinet and had constant UTIs for months and then had another stroke last year and as a result her mind is foggier than it used to be and her mobility isn’t what it was so she requires a lot of constant watch and care.

None of this is her fault, but I’m just not built for the long-run in a carer position. The first year put me into a meltdown, and I had another worse one last year and I was dreading if there would be one this year because I’d felt so on-edge and burnt out.

And then lockdown happened and the chances to get away for a bit of respite to recharge my batteries went out the window. Dad had no help to balance his work calls which sometimes went on all day, and granny. Other than me, but for reasons I have yet to finally have an answer for, my body has just been having problem after problem that leaves me drained and/or in pain and less able to do the physical help I was doing before. Doing the cooking and washing up to take it off dad, and getting up to keep an eye on granny or help her with personal care like I used to.

I’ve had this goddamn pain that doctors haven’t been able to find a diagnosis for since April now and it’s just become more and more limiting and I’m on a waiting list to get referred and god only knows when that will actually end up happening.

Doctors suggested it might have been stress that brought it on and the response to that is usually to reduce stressors but like. My life is the stressor so idk how to fix that. I can’t get away because guilt and stress over dad having to handle it all would follow me anywhere I went anyway even if i COULD go somewhere else for a break.

My uncles aren’t very helpful either. One makes excuses not to come and help and the other WILL go on a throwing out spree if he was to come in and I cannot trust him to not throw out important sentimental stuff without a second thought as to whether it was wanted because he’s done that before.

Plus that one has had his own health scares and even had a bit of a mental health crisis in the middle of the year which was probably brought on by the isolation and distancing stuff lockdown brought about.

One major contributor to the daily stress was the nagging worry that there was gonna be a Major Event this year that hadn’t happened yet. There’ve been major events that put granny is hospital without fail every year for the past... 4 but maybe even 5 years. It felt inevitable. But also terrifying because hospital felt like the worst place for her to go this year with all the virus stuff happening...

We had carers coming in to help with her but they weren’t really that... great. Wore their masks under their noses, didn’t self isolate when they got sick before they could get tests and lo and behold, despite the fact I hadn’t been out anywhere and the only contact I had beyond my own family were the carers, I got a cold which thankfully really was Just a Cold.

Not wanting to risk granny even getting a cold I stuck to my room and only came out to use the toilet or grab food/drink and all times I left my room I wore a mask and used sanitiser before I even left the room so I wouldn’t put anything on any surfaces. I was careful.

But either I wasn’t careful enough, or whoever gave ME the cold passed it to dad as well. Because then he got sick. And he didn’t have the option to distance himself from granny. Because I was still sick too and my brother Doesn’t do the personal care. So he wore a mask and tried to look after her while coughing and sneezing his guts out.

We thought we were gonna be ok. But then it happened. She got the cold anyway. We think it was a different carer who gave her it because this one was Really Hacking Up A Lung with her. Mask on still but, idk, the hands on care means you’re up real close and even a mask doesn’t stop everything. Plus this woman would pull her mask down to speak sometimes it was....?????

So granny got a cough and cold and we prayed it wasn’t covid and thankfully it doesn’t seem to have been. She’d had a cold in february so we thought ok if we just keep looking after her and help her fight it off we’ll be ok.

September 11th, one day before her birthday, at half 7 in the morning dad woke me up yelling for me to grab the phone so he could call an ambulance.

She was slumped against him in the top floor landing, face drooping, unresponsive and making deep loud groans that sounded honestly like a cow’s moo. It was an awful sound.

It then progressed to a weird rattly, wet breath. Like you’re trying to suck the last water out through a straw in a cup with just ice in it. Like a rattly snore but from the throat and not the nose.

Ambulance came and they said her blood pressure was high and still rising. She was absolutely unresponsive and cold and clammy to touch. The only response they could get was pinching her ear and she let out a loud pained groan.

They took her away and it was later just assumed to be a chest infection so she was put on antibiotics.

I think just. The accumulated stress of everything else just. Hit me like a train. It’s horrible to be relieved to get a break because someone’s gone into hospital because it felt like there was no other way you were going to get a break. But I felt so burnt out it happened anyway and I feel awful for it. my body was in so much pain and my head and everything was just exhausted from stress and exhaustion in general.

She wasn’t in very long though and I think before we knew it was a chest infection related collapse we’d all assumed it was a third stroke and thought she was going to be in for as long as she had the last few times to rehabilitate.

I honestly hate what ended up happening next.

The stress of it all just blew up and I had several days of frequent uncontrollable panic attack-type meltdowns.

I just. I lost complete control of myself. Slamming my head against the wall and floor and counters, scratching my arms, pulling my hair out and just.... screaming so loudly my throat was so so raw. This happened every day. I got into a negatively spiralling process of overthinking and overworrying and just melted down into a fit of stress

The third day of this, dad called the ambulance on me,which made me feel so so so much worse for wasting their time on something I wish I’d had enough mental control of myself to just. stop from happening....

they sat with me for nearly 2 hours and once I was able to even speak relatively coherently at all I just cried about everything from childhood trauma to everything else that’s all combined to fuck me up.

The lady called the mental health folks because she felt I definitely needed to see someone for some support and put me on with one of the women on the phone but that woman was so incredibly unhelpful and passive aggressive even the ambulance lady was shocked and apologised for that person’s behaviour but god it has just absolutely wrecked my faith in being able to get any help for all of this mess.....

I honestly feel.... terrified of myself.... Because I’ve had meltdowns before but I’ve never had one so bad I lost control of myself. Like I could have legitimately harmed myself in that mess. I even wanted to. It was the closest I’ve come in a long time of actually being like wow I could Actually Follow Through with Killing Myself and it terrified me because fuck at least that time years ago when I was planning on doing it I was more in control of the action and was able to stop....

Now I’m not even sure if I got in that state again I would be able to stop myself. And that’s terrifying....

To make things worse, that third day when the ambulance people were talking me down out of my whole mess, granny had been brought home and they ended up taking her back to the hospital because it was deemed not safe to let her in while I was upstairs screaming on the floor.

So :)))))) the police called. Because not allowing granny into her legal home was an issue and I was the cause :))))))) Even tho I didn’t actually ban her with my words, I just wasn’t in a good mental state at the time and I tried so hard to calm down once i knew she was out there waiting but I was so stressed about what was going to happen I couldn’t get it together fast enough and then had to worry if I was going to be in huge trouble over it. So THAT’s wonderful.

Anyway. She came home the next day with a very very sore side and we weren’t sure if her ribs were sore from coughing or if she’d bashed herself in an unreported fall in hospital or what.

But the next day I was helping her take off the bra her carer that morning had put on her despite knowing her side pain and then she was sick and I was freaking out because granny and sick never go well so I was super worried...

Thankfully it wasn’t long lasting but the pain she had continued to be excruciating and a doctor came later on and said her liver area was very tender so she ought to go get it checked.

So we took her to hospital by car because we were told the ambulance wait would be longer.

But because the virus is increasing in the country again the restrictions are up. So while I had to come to help get granny in and out of the car, I wasn’t allowed to go with her and dad inside. And dad had the damn car keys and it was dark, late, cold as fuck and windy.

I was outside shivering my ass off with nowhere to wait for nearly 2 hours. They wouldn’t even let me in at first when I was about to piss myself.

After that first 2 hours dad briefly came out to tell me it was looking like it was gonna be a while longer so I just asked him for money for a taxi because at this point it was already after midnight.

I got like no sleep that night cos I was worrying about dad’s chronic sleep deprivation. He didn’t get home until 6am.

Anyways she’s been in and had scans but they can’t find anything and have just given her painkillers and mysteriously they say the side pain is gone. Whether thats just from painkillers or if it’s actually gone without discovering what caused it idk. But not knowing stresses me out like I’d have rather there was something to treat instead of it mysteriously being very painful and making her sick and then disappearing. Like what if it comes back?

hhhh anyway she’s supposed to come home tomorrow and again I still don’t feel like I’ve shaken off the burn out and my pain is still there too so physically I’m still a mess and I feel so bad about my lack of productivity especially on commissions I still need to do...

I don’t even think I can take much more stuff happening this year like. I’m legit not sure I’m gonna make it to the end of the year rn folks...

#mental health and stress and all that shit #suicide mention... vomit mention...#honestly more of a vent than anything else im just straight up having a bad time #dont look i just need to... hhhhhh vent #nerua rants #personal crap...

0 notes

awkwarddezzy · 7 years

Text

Uplate on RL Dan

typed this all last night on a word doc and felt too lazy so I only proofread once

Hiya lovelies! Whoever read Anywhere But Here and 7 Days are aware RL Dan (if you didn’t read the stories, his name is David) and I broke up. Since posting those imagine fics, a lot of things have happened. I mean A LOT. Between then and now, the things that happened will make you guys dislike RL Dan less (should you hate him for what he did). DO NOT BLAME HIM FOR HIS CHOICE. As you’re about to read, what’s going on with us atm will shed a new perspective for our entire situation.

PS before I forget I learned what “her” name is. However, for privacy purposes, I’ll call her Sarah like what I did in 7 Days. As for David, I’ve grown used to calling him RL Dan here so that’s the name I’ll be sticking with.

We chatted on Facebook Messenger a few times throughout winter break. When I originally posted the stories, I assumed Sarah and RL Dan would get a chance to meet, talk, and start a proper relationship over the break. I was ready to spend the next three weeks wallowing in my misery and playing the role as supportive best friend as I watched their relationship progress. But that didn’t happen. She was supposedly under a home lockdown for whatever reason. Maybe she was grounded for doing something bad. Maybe an alien attacked her like what happened with Tabitha in that Sims ep last year lol. I didn’t know. She had no way to get in touch. On top of that, she was sick. As someone who has asthma, I felt bad for her. This is a season for getting sick. RL Dan was feeling incredibly disconnected since he wanted so badly to talk to her. So I gave him words of encouragement, telling him things will get better and to think positive. And it did… I guess. He got to talk to her a couple times before New Years Eve, though he was laying low and mostly focused on the holidays.

He appreciates when I’m around to cheer him up. He knows about my situation of barely having internet at home (a reason also explained from 7 Days). He’s happy I’m still there for him, because he was afraid I wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. But I’m not that sort of person. Experience from the past taught me to keep fighting for people even if they’re pulling away.

We’re both emotional messes. It’s one among many reasons why we’re so close.

He told me a little bit about Sarah. In his words, “she’s smart, funny, she laughs at my jokes, she’s always been there, she makes me laugh, she loves her family, I just think she’s great.” He described her as a likable person, but in the back of my mind, something felt off. I didn’t know what it was, but I imagined her as one of those “dream” nerdy girls that seems so perfect you wouldn’t expect them to have a bitchy side. I didn’t tell him that though. I didn’t want to sound jealous, and I really did want him to be happy. He was doing what I wished I could’ve done in the past with someone else.

I also asked him why he wanted to talk to me when we started the poetry unit for our creative writing class. Apparently, I did mention I was into MCR too when we had to do that whole explanation of our opinions about poetry. In his head, he thought I was cool and felt intrigued to approach me after class. It was something I was curious about for the last few days, especially since you guys know I’m incredibly introverted and have a difficult time socializing to people outside of social media.

Fast forward to this Monday. What was SUPPOSED to be my first day of microbiology lab was a bust since I got an email in my college email account from my professor telling us class won’t start till Wednesday (today). So for the next few hours (because I didn’t wanna go home yet), I was chatting with Crystal aka @beforethebraces, later, RL Dan. With Crystal, we talked about… well, something that makes her incredibly happy right now that I can’t share the details yet (I’ll let her be the one to give me the green light for the big reveal). But anyway, we also talked about David and our thoughts about Sarah. We had a very, very deep conversation over the feelings I still have for RL Dan. She gave me the best advice about believing there’s a reason we met. She agreed how we’re highly suspicious of Sarah’s feelings for RL Dan. Between the two of us, we analyzed the events I knew happened with Sarah and RL Dan and realized there was something fishy. We sensed Sarah didn’t feel the way RL Dan felt toward her.

When I got to chat with David (he had class and immediately left campus afterward for dialysis), he told me he ran into Sarah on his way to class. They did some catching up. He learned her phone was acting up, hence why she couldn’t reach him. She was also still sick (he thought it was the flu), so even if she could get in contact with him, she didn’t feel well enough to do so.

So how do I secretly react?

😡😡😡

I sensed some lying.

Lemme break it down for you guys.

The most obvious one: You can’t have the flu for three weeks. As a future medical specialist, it isn’t possible. A flu is only supposed to last a week or two. Anything beyond a week could mean something serious.

Second: the way RL Dan described their encounter seemed like she was distant from him, as if she feigned being sick so she wouldn’t talk to him. If you’re being distant, it usually means you’re hiding something, or at least have something weighing your mind.

Third: What if the lockdown was an excuse? It was a possibility on the back of my mind while I was on break, but didn’t think much of it since it would make me sound jealous. But it was likely. Think about it: if you’re sick, wouldn’t you desperately want to talk to the people who matter to you? That’s what Crystal and I would do. When I was really sick in 10th grade and was absent from school for 3 days, I was desperate to get online and talk to my friends so I could tell them what was up. I barely kept my resistance to stay offline. My mom drilled into my head to get better, so that’s what I did. And I was so exhausted I’d sleep most of the day away.

In general, I had a hunch Sarah wasn’t being truthful. But I wouldn’t allow my suspicions cloud my friendship with RL Dan. I did what a good friend would do: give a great pep talk, because that’s what I’m a master at (ask Crystal; just being there for her and not being a judge gets her through awful times). I kept him company while he was on dialysis. He told me he had issues with his schedule. We tried to make plans to meet up the next day, though the time I’d arrive at school is the time he has a class. So we just let that tiny dilemma be. We’d have time to meet another day once we get used to our spring courses.

So that brings me to yesterday. He found me sitting at one of the tables in front of the campus Subway. I just finished my first day of a micro lecture class and doing my usual Tumblr spree/waiting for another chat room to open for Mystic Messenger (I finally started deep story and crossing my fingers to land on Jumin’s route). I planned to stay for 10 minutes or so before catching a bus home. We talk for a bit, and he finally tells me he discussed his feelings with Sarah with her.

She. Changed. Her. Mind.

She told him she didn’t feel the sparks anymore and the door is now 100% closed. In other words, it’s done-zo. Oh, and he apologized for our breakup. He still feels bad about it.

We met up again a couple hours ago, though it was short. He wanted to see me before he had to head home, eat a quick lunch, and go do his dialysis. In that time frame, we talked like we usually did. Still super close, still open and didn’t act weird around me, still just… him.

How rare is it for exes to remain like best friends? You guys tell me.

So… what happens now? Where do we go from here? RL Dan says he’s fine about it. Good actually, since he knows the truth and now he can move on. I feel guilty about my hunch being right. I’m selfless and was so supportive for his happiness. But I can’t help but feel… hopeful. A door closes and another opens. An end to a beginning.

I’ve let go of my fears about love. I did that during the break. I’m not scared anymore to fall in love. I’m not letting my past hold me back. I feel refreshed for 2017: with school, with love, with life… with everything.

Think positive. That’s my motto for the year.

I’ll give RL Dan a few days to think it over. I was so, so tempted yesterday to ask him about us, but my feelings weren’t what’s important. It’s his. I won’t make the mistake to give him space, because trust me, I made that choice once and it was the worst choice I ever made. But I will be here for him. I’ll talk to him and continue to be his confidant. Now isn’t our time. It’s too soon for him to jump back into a relationship. No matter how much I want us to get back together, being hasty will only lead to disastrous results.

Then again, a part of me thinks we never actually broke up. I see it as us pressing pause in our relationship; someday, when the time is right, we’ll press resume.

Red string of fate, ya’ll. I still believe he’s on the other end of mine.

I care so much about him. It’s scary. I don’t want to lose him as a friend. For now, I’ll set aside my emotions and get through the rest of the week. I’ll talk to him one-on-one about our relationship next week (unless he brings it up sooner). I’ll tell him I still have feelings for him. I’ll tell him I didn’t give up on him and wonder if we could open the door for our own relationship again. I’ll go on a first date we never did and be the girl that won’t ever hurt him again.

So… yeah. You guys deserve an explanation for what’s happening between David and I. Dating him during a time where I suffered through a semester-long existential crisis over questioning what I was doing with my life really helped me out. I was in such a funk and he was that fallen angel who rescued a princess of darkness. He reignited my passion to go into the medical field. And it’s not everyday I meet a boy who resembles Dan Howell (and a bit of Phil). When I truly got into Dan and Phil in early 2016, I structured my ideal boyfriend to be someone who’s a mix of Phan. And guess what? I met that person. I met that person who knows about their existence. I met that person who I don’t have to put a persona for. I met a boy who showed me the best parts of falling in love and refused to let me go when he chose Sarah.

He matters. He’s… my cheesehead (a nickname I started calling him since he’s so cheesy AF lol). He understood the part of my past that made me fear trusting people. He’s everything I could ask for in a red string soulmate.

Nowadays he calls me fam. Like we’re family.

I adore him. He’s a beautifully broken boy I waited 19 years to capture my heart like this.

Trust me on this, everyone. I know what I’m doing and I won’t let him hurt me again.

I’ll definitely update you guys again once I do our one-on-one talk. You guys have been incredibly cool about us and I really love sharing these kind of details with you. It’s exhilarating to experience events that become incorporated in my imagines.

My life… it’s a gigantic fanfiction eh? 😂

#danisnotonfire #danisnotonfire imagine #danisnotonfire preference #dan howell #dan howell imagine #dan howell preference #mý life is just one giant fanfiction #but don't worry about me guys

6 notes · View notes