not now mom im busy collecting sad lesbian characters like they're pokemon

i wanna play uno w jungkook so bad

I fucking love it when I read questions wrong and answer it, then I reread the question after I answered it and I realized what a terrible mistake I made. 🙃

Sorry boss, can't work today. I'm sad and I had a shitty birthday

i take one vacation a year, booked my flights months in advance

so of course now the entire france is gonna be on strike, on the very day i'm supposed to fly back home

I have the most wonderful friend in the world. She makes me feel so loved. The woman who "doesn't do valentines day" turned up tonight with these super sweet treats, so we could exchange v day presents. Just a shame we couldn't spend it together due to various lurgies like we planned. But we're going to Pottery class next week!

I'm really feeling the love. ❤🌹

i have so many fics i want to share, that i think people would really enjoy but we’re struggling out here

wow I can't wait to see the ace and arophobia again... whoooo more tma.... yaaaaay

One of my biggest sources of frustration is that my anxiety hits different than some people's. Some of my closest friends find SO much solace in books when they are anxious.

Me? My brain tells me all the ways the characters in the book can have miserable, miserable lives, to the point where I can't even read it. I WANT TO READ ALL OF THE BOOKS, I PROMISE. I JUST CAN'T RIGHT NOW.

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

storytime hoes

the school system is setting me up to fail

Lemme explain:

you need a certain amount of credits to graduate right? Yeah, yeah you do. But people also have different interests and go about different ways of getting these credits.

Ex. I'm taking 2 math, no science this year

Anyway, freshman year you start thinking about your future (and everyone tells you you must). Then sophomore year you attend college fairs and visits (which caused my anxiety and stress about the future to fucking skyrocket) and in like, December they tell you about career tech -- a place you can go junior/senior year, and maybe leave with an associates in teaching, a trade, doctor-y crap, cooking, public heath, etc ig

But you still need all your credits. At my school there's likes, 4 things you need 4 credits (1 is an entire class year in that subject)

So to plan your schedule around career tech (which you don't have to do) you need to know about it freshman year, or at least before the middle of sophomore year because I probably won't be able to take all the classes I want to now and am going to fail

The lady telling us was also veins super passive aggressive about exams and our futures and resumes and crap it wasn't the vibe

I have school tmr I'm going to cry.

it's the way i still know his phone number by heart. it's the way i still know exactly how she took her coffee. it's the fact his mom still says hi when we see each other on the street. it's the way i still have things in my memory box from him. it's the way i can't listen to this genre anymore without thinking of her. it's the way i wonder if any of them threw away my handmade gifts, and not knowing which answer would be worse.

it's knowing that i won't ever have them in my life again, and the fact it hurts despite everything. i still miss them, despite everything.

I work in a museum so I am the last person you want to visit a museum with. Unless you want to hear an endless stream of "there is no way this text had input from the educational team for average visitor clarity" "the old woman next to me complained she couldn't read the didactic panel and she's right, size 20 font simply isn't sufficient for this distance and even I can't read it" and "how does the brand new wing still have coat hooks five and a half feet off the ground in the handicap bathroom stall"

Because I have just seen this specific thing for the second time, I would like to say:

If I reblog your art, I do not expect you to reblog (or share!) my fic in return

If I comment on your fic, I do not expect you to comment on (or read!) mine in return

My enjoyment of anyone's work does not come with strings or expectations

My friendship is not a bill that you will have to pay later

That's it!

My favourite moments from Goncharov (1973).