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shiorilizzy · 2 months

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My thought about yandere Wriothesley

My thought about yandere Wriothesley

I swear he has SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!

He may look like a gentleman, you can see him as a gentleman and he can even be a gentlemen

But be aware of how far he took to get revenge on his foster parents. He will do anything to get what he wants.

Well at least to you, he will be gentle and easy, not that brutal and bloody.

I have a feeling that Wriothesley will have eyes on good girls. You may be noisy or sassy, you may be silent and shy, but your eyes, your heart… They are so innocent… So pure… It’s utterly beautiful like crystal to him. The way you help others, the way you are not scared of his appearance.

He may notice you when you two are in the shop, both buying a big bag of tea, milk and sugar. He is surprised at that amount of tea and your shining aura.

His heart goes BANG when he sees you help a homeless boy, you defend him against those bad people.

You’re… kind… and brave. He loves your slight tremble, trying to act tough.

He is jealous of that boy. He is so lucky to have you protect him. Wriothesley wishes he had someone like you in the past, maybe his life would be a little sweeter.

Like a hunter set his eyes on the prey. He will find a way to approach you.

Even if you have a boyfriend or husband already, it doesn’t matter to him. Remember his material for talent upgrade? He need “Order”, not “Equity” (or Justice to me). And it’s right for you to become his lovely and only treasure.

Wriothesley is actually very human. He will not just snatch you into his place.

At least, he tried to be a normal boyfriend, a perfect lover to you. After all, he really wants an ordinary life like everyone else.

But later, things got ugly. He struggled so much to believe you or everyone, everything around you.

He suspected the man talked to you on the street that day. He thought your family, your friends were trying to separate you from him. He is scared that you’ll leave him someday, that he will lose something he treasured so much again.

That’s when he decided: You need to be placed somewhere he can watch, always.

Things got even worse if you wanted to break up with him. You’re done. There is a high chance that you will wake up with your leg broken, or cuff, depending on how bratty and cold-heart you were.

Well, he will bring you down with him no matter what.

If I have to describe Yandere Wriothesley in one word, I will say: manipulation.

I believe Wriothesley is hella good at manipulating. Do you see how he cornered Lyney till he lost control? This big shit will gaslight you to believe fish can walk.

He did say that he would feel bad if he kept a pet in the fortress because they could not see the sunlight. But he could train you to accommodate to the environment. That’s much easier.

He will act like he was not the one who kidnapped you but “just a little bit forceful invitation to live with him”.

He will be a gentleman, respect you, listen to you, even argue with you if you are too “fussy”, told you that you can be nicer to him.

Why he is doing those? Because he knows you’re a “good girl”

Sooner or later, your kind heart will make you doubt yourself that maybe you were too harsh on him.

Your innocent soul will soon feel guilty because every “hassle” you cause others to deal with.

Wriothesley, unlike most of yandere who just lock his darling in a room the whole day, he makes you busy all day, let you roam around the Fortress on your own. You’re his darling, his cute little pet, not his prisoner.

He needs to create a playground for you, so you don’t have time to be sad, angry, miss the upper world, or even think about escaping.

Luckily, he is the Duke, the Warden, and the fortress is out of Fontaine’s control. So technically, he is the King down here.

So darling, what do you want to do? Just name it and he will give you.

A baker? Prisoners will smile happily when receive your delicious food every day. A teacher? Those people will express how grateful they are to gain more knowledge thanks to you. An accountant or secretary? Wriothesley himself will gladly have you on his side, helping him with paperwork.

Even if you want to be a slut. You will be promoted from part-time slut to full-time slut. But only for him.

Whatever you want, name it and he will find a way.

See? Life is really good down here, right? You have a dream job, delicious food, pretty clothes, lovely people, and especially, a man who is loyal and loves you unconditionally. What could you ask more?

Slowly, even if you can escape, you will not do that because you’re having so much fun and peace in here.

After all, the Duke really wants to be loved, as much as he loves you. But being a skeptical person because of his trauma, he needs you to stay where he can watch you.

Sometimes, he will show you his weak side. That will kick your mother hen instinct, just like that day when you protect that weak boy.

Oh this sly wolf, he will do everything to get you.

But do not think you can get away with everything. You definitely don’t want to see him get mad ever again.

Let’s say, you escaped and got caught by him.

That man will let you sit and watch he torturing your partner in crime (of course you cannot do all the work yourself), let you hear their loud agony, see their body slammed hard on the ground.

The more you beg for them, the more torturing he will give them. Until you are trembling in fear and tears and whimpering.

Does the guiltiness eat you? That’s his intention. He just knows you too well.

That is just one of his tricks. He has plenty to use. After all, he lived for quite some time, and most of them were in the Fortress.

He usually hugs you in sleep. Don’t hesitate to put your head on his arm or sleep on his body. He LOVES those pressures.

I have a feeling he will hug you like a teddy bear. And when he needs to switch to the other side, he will just “move” you along with him.

Even when you guys are in a “bad term”, he will sleep and hug you no matter what. Wriothesley even snug his head in your neck, like a poor boy.

As if you WERE the one at fault!

Overall, Wriothesley will make your relationship become “normal” sooner or later. You will think that this is just a little “special”, a little extraordinary, a bit of spice in love that everyone has.

That staying here forever is normal

That his love is totally normal

That you love him

That you want to have a family with him.

Wriothesley is smart, he knows what he wants, and doesn’t really care about morals.

So it is impossible for you to escape since he set his eyes on you.

I would write about him in bed another day

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #wriothesley genshin #wriothesley headcanons #wriothesley x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #yandere wriothesley

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junnnhui · 2 months

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can't believe it took me this long to watch Bad Buddy because I am fucking obsessed? first of all I am a sucker for any reimagined version of a romeo-juliet story, and this one especially was such a delight <3 watching these two try to ignore each other because their parents hate each other was amusing enough, but watching them constantly scheming to avoid each other and pretend to be enemies because their faculties don't get along (when they're literally the definition of soulmates) was just peak television.

one thing that i especially love is how this is one of the few thai BLs- hell, this is one of the few pieces of media- where it feels like the main couple would actually last in the long run. usually it's just two leads who are attracted to each other and something dramatic happens and they fall in love in a way that feels grand but is just kind of... dramatic and superficial ig. but here- they enjoy spending time together even outside of all the flirting and cuddling, they're good at conflict resolution and communication, they are super supportive of each other, and they help each other broaden their perspectives. these two are such a domestic, functional couple, and despite all the bickering and fighting and pouting they just- really make it work.

another thing that really struck me is their physical closeness. a lot of thai BLs (especially lately) show a lot of steamy, physically intimate scenes but this one really had nothing (from the bts videos it looks like their kisses were supposed to be chaste-r but the actors just decided to give us a l'il treat xD). instead we get to see these two wrestle each other, or tend to each others wounds or feed each other, and that's. a really smart and refreshing way to show their physical closeness. i like that they didn't need to show us anything at all to prove how close these two are. i like that they decided to highlight the romantic aspect of the relationship without relying on the sexual one.

also. can i just say. romance and plot points aside. the show is just so entertaining. the pilot starts off with a bang and everything that follows is a treat. the conflicts are fucking hilarious. I was giggling every few minutes and all the bickering is top notch nonsense and every character is such a dumbass in their own right that their dynamics had me ugly laughing the whole time. but all that being said- their first kiss killed me? it was so gut wrenching and angsty and emotional I was sobbing my eyes out the whole time?? there were also several other moments where I was really worried for the characters. the conflict between the two faculties and the two families is flimsy enough to work perfectly for the humour but the stakes feel real at the same time so every serious beat in the story had me biting my nails fr. this whole show was a ride and idk how they did it but god. the plot is giving KFC a run for its money- it was finger licking good.

so yeah. tldr- i've had these mfers for two days now but if anything happens to them I'll kill everyone and then myself.

#bad buddy #bad buddy rant #p'aof when i catch you #megumi.txt #edit: did not expect people to actually read this? alsjdhdvsksk

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 2 months

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avery and xander head canons

i've never done this before. hope you guys actually like these (my anxious overthinking brain tells me people will hate it but anyways). if you guys like the hcs and would like more or have suggestions, i'd be happy to take requests (i have nothing to do with my life)

they blast london boy whenever jameson is around ever since it was revealed he's half british

avery and him will spend hours talking about all the wild experiments he's done and funny stories she has from when she was younger

xander makes her funny/cute gadgets and hides them in her room for her to find

avery and him will spend hours just gossiping while watching netflix and doing face masks

xander and her talk shit about people they hate

they're always coming up with ways to prank grayson (they once replaced his entire closet full of suits with lingerie)

when they attended the eras tour (cause they most definitely did), xander fake proposed to her during love story.

they made friendship bracelets

they also had so much fun singing the rep set

ok this one isn't really a xander and avery head cannon but the hawthornes and their girlfriends (+rebecca, thea) has a blast singing anti hero bc of that one verse with the funeral.

they also teased grayson when shake it off started playing

during the vigilante shit performance, xander grabbed a chair and tried to recreate the dance. he forced avery to join along (jameson was simping so hard in the corner)

they also made bets on the surprise songs

last eras tour one, they had so much fun singing bad blood thinking about eve, tobias, sheffield grayson, etc (grayson was secretly also vibing to the song in the background happy that eve got what she deserved (although i believe she deserved worse))

on the day of her wedding with jameson, xander gave her a blueberry scone (his favorite) for the first time to celebrate her officially becoming part of the family

once avery got a slew of hate comments on this one post bc people thought she looked ugly and xander (and jameson) responded and reported every single one of them. xander also came up with the wildest insults you could ever imagine

although xander could literally never hate anyone, he hates anyone who ever does or says anything wrong to avery

sometimes when she's feeling slightly insecure but doesn't want to admit, xander hypes her up like crazy (jameson too)

sometimes avery will go sit in xanders lab whilst he works on his gadgets and reads. he always feels so loved whenever she does this

xander once had a panic attack on his way to an event, and avery cheered him up by ditching the event and bringing him to a bakery to buy scones. they then headed home and watched rom-coms.

they make each other playlists

they love waking each other up in the weirdest ways (xander once woke her up by reading her smut)

they ask each other relationship advice.

xander sometimes gets in this mood where he's convinced everyone secretly hates him. avery always makes him feel better by making scones with super weird flavors.

they once had a fanfic writing competition. avery won bc she wrote smut and xander wasn't expecting it (xander thought it was so good he posted it)

xander once walked in on avery getting dressed. he got so embarrassed he started banging into everything and stuttering. avery likes to tease him about it from time to time. (she wasn't even completely naked, but he was still traumatized)

sometimes when they're at events, they'll sit in the corner and talk about the people there (for example, they'll pick one person and try to figure out how many kids they have, if they're married, etc). xander also has all the tea you could possibly wish for when it comes to the guests (no one knows how he obtains it).

xander knows how much avery hates galas and stuff, so he always comes up with different games to play/things to talk about.

they sometimes go live together and the fans love it (they find their friendship hilarious and people always make compilations of like funny things they've said and stuff).

1/4 of these are literally just eras tour related but eh. i hope these are all original and i'm not remembering some old ones i've seen before not realizing that they've already been made. if some of these aren't, i apologize (i also apologize for any spelling mistakes, i wrote these late at night). anyways i literally love avery and xander's friendship. i actually really enjoyed making these.

i'm thinking of making head cannons for avery and each of the brothers (libby, max and Rebecca too) (maybe even thea though i don’t particularly love her).

i tried to get my friend @catapparently to help, but she came up with the weirdest things like 'xander told avery her toes were crooked so he made her a gadget to wear at night to fix them'

if anyone has requests, feel free to send them to me.

#the inheritance games #avery grambs #avery kylie grambs #xander hawthorne #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #the brothers hawthorne

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zalrb · 22 days

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I MUST REALLY LOVE MY FOLLOWERS - BRIDGETON 3.01 review

1. "Dearest gentle reader, did you miss me?" Me:

2. I'm not doing this recap.

3. I maintain that Nicola should be Belle in the next live action we'll eventually do.

4. Idk man, Kathony just feel SO unnatural.

5. MINI MOUSE MAN NEXT TO BIGGER MOUSE MAN

6. Who will be the prize of the season? And it's Colin?

7. All of these women are gorgeous and all of these men are like basic white bread. I -

8. I'm upset because this is supposed to do something for me

and it's resolutely not.

9. Oh please. Francesca looks like every other woman there.

10. Prudence is probably the only character I somewhat like. I think. She's the terrible one, right?

11. I might like that family the most because they're the schemers. They're actually DOING QUASI-INTERESRTING THINGS.

12. Colin is a fuck boy without fuck boy good looks. Please stop it.

13. And I'm not saying he's ugly. I am saying he's plain.

14. This is my problem with Bridgerton. It SHOULD be fun. And it's punishing.

15. Where the fuck is Edwina? I DON'T CARE ABOUT KATE.

16. They should shock us all and have Edwina come back and just murder everyone like Carrie.

17. Leave her alone, Colin.

18. I know the point of this season is Polin but I already know she deserves better.

19. GIVE ME MORE OF THE BICKERING SISTERS. They're terrible. I'm interested.

20. "Well that's your fault for marrying men without title!" But Prudence's man is one of the, like, two most good looking of them all, so you know.

21. OOOOOOOH IS PENELOPE GONNA WEAR LAVENDER NOW? THE COLOUR OF LOOOOOOOOVE.

22. Considering that I barely pay attention to this show, did Penelope do like irreparable damage to Eloise and her family for this fallout to be as serious as it's meant to be?

23. That's a genuine question.

24. This Kanthony love scene is ... awkward.

25. Kanthony? Kathony? Whichever. Whatever.

26. And even when he goes down on her I'm like idk, Outlander would like a word.

Someone is BANGING ON THE DOOR and Jamie does not stop until Claire orgasms, so.

27. So Penelope is basically "draw me like one of your French girls, Jack" but with clothes.

28. The one thing Bridgerton had going for it was the music and I'm not hearing any classical renditions of pop songs. What is the POINT?

29. This ball looks like every other ball in this show.

30. Oh, there's the music. abcdefu is a good choice for her, I do have to say the music choices are at least better than TSITP. She SHOULD be talking to Colin as it plays though.

31. I'm not sure why I hate him, I just do.

32. If she enjoys embroidery let her enjoy embroidery, Eloise. Don't "not like OTHER girls" them please. Jesus.

33. "D-do you all like to read?" I get it, Pen.

34. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. NOW. Isn't Francesca meant to have a chaperone? Isn't there a dance card or something? Aren't there RULES?

35. I'M ONLY 30 MINUTES IN?

36. Original Mouse Man, what are you doing? Aren't you a viscount with responsibilities?

37. "I expected conversation, I did not expect to be inspected--" then you weren't prepared at all for this. This is the ERA for that, should you not KNOW? WHAT?

38. Everything is muted and dramatic at the same time.

39. Oh, Kathony in another scene. Are they going to try and have sex?

40. Yes.

41. "I've already spent YEARS taking care of Edwina" I mean, did you?

42. "So why don't we put ourselves first for once?" I MEAN, DIDN'T YOU?

43. BRO, WHERE IS YOUR SISTER?

44. "We have our lives to be viscount and viscountess" man, pull a Downton Abbey and kill him.

45. "Think of the balls as..." You should've had this conversation BEFORE the ball.

46. "It pains me to see you upset." "Then perhaps you should not have come." Ha.

47. "and what I have learned is charmed can be taught" which is funny because Colin isn't charming no matter how much the show tries to convince me he is.

48. I suppose it's better than watching Theo James.

49. AND HE WILL FALL FOR HER DURING THE LESSONS.

50. The handshake is supposed to be a Moment and it's interesting because it's called attention to and yet also breezed by at the exact same time.

51. LOL what she wrote was SO TAME especially for a MAN in THIS society? "Is this new character the real him or is it a ploy for attention?" DAS IT??? Please be serious.

52. oooh drama, if he finds out who Lady Whistledown is, he'll destroy her life. It's just hard to think there are stakes when it's ... Colin.

DONE.

#review

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karizard-ao3 · 3 months

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Frankenstein Eremika Au?

Well, anon, not having seen the movie nor read the book nor watched the TV show that I wasn't aware existed until I was googling Frankenstein because of this ask, I feel distinctly unqualified to come up with a Frankenstein au, but if we're just going off vibes rather than any practical knowledge of the story (like, I know the basics that I assume everyone knows), what about this?

No. Wait. Stop. I'm going to at least read the Wikipedia article.

Well, damn! Okay!

So, my original little smidgen of an idea was maybe Eren could be the monster and Mikasa finds him in the woods and now I am fully committed to it. But maybe let's say he did all his crimes and killed all those people and Victor first, so he's bad bad? Idk! Maybe he can still be at his "hating all humans but not yet killing them" phase. Let's not make him hideously ugly. Let us suppose for this au that Victor Frankenstein (aka Hange Zoe) was successful in making his monster a beautiful boy. There is something else about Eren that unsettles and frightens them. Let's say it's his crazy eyes and maybe also put some scars on him.

Anyway. Eren is Frankenstein's monster. Mikasa is a recluse living in the woods. She finds him half dead in the snow and looking like shit. She doesn't know who this big, injured guy is, but she manages to drag him to her hearth and set about nursing him back to health.

When he finally wakes up after several days, she is startled by his scary eyes and this pisses him off. He would go on a rampage, except he is pretty banged up and can't really move from his makeshift bed, so he just howls with rage and slams his fists into whatever he can reach, probably including his own self. Mikas is not about this dramatic nonsense and waits for him to tire himself out, then goes to give him a sponge bath or something.

God, he's like 8 feet tall.

Anyway, he's also killed a lot of people.

So, Eren is ungrateful. He is rude and destructive and he's lashing out because he likes her and he couldn't take her deciding she hates him like every other person in his life has done. But she just keeps putting up with him. She doesn't mind that he could snap her in half. She is depressed because her whole family died and doesn't care if she lives or dies. Also, she has a thing for saving wounded wild animals and has this Disney princess-like affinity with them. The forest birds will come eat out of her hands and wolves or bears or what have you that she once saved come to her door as tame as can be so she can feed them treats. So of course she manages to do the same with Eren. She doesn't really mind his scary eyes or the fact that his body is actually made from pieces of other bodies. He helps around the house and he's very sweet when he wants to be, which is more and more often because he sense a kindred spirit in her and she gives him the companionship and acceptance he's been craving. And then, in turn, he becomes like her new family.

And so, they fall in love, and live a life of solitude and peace and he's EIGHT FUCKING FEET TALL.

The end.

Anyway, that's my idea for the framework of the fic. Feel free to chime in with any ideas. The setting kind of reminds me of Witchunter, actually, and the fact he wants to kill her, but the bloodlust in mandatory and I'm not sure where else to put them since Frankenstein's monster tends to hide out in the wilderness, so please forgive me for any similarities.

#ask me things #my asks #answered asks #eren jaeger #eremika #mikasa ackerman #frankenstein au

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elderflowergin · 8 months

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Hey Flower Gin, how are you? Thank you for the perspective the thread I mentioned. And you are so right about GC being the first to embrace Eun-ae in her time of distress.

Eun-ae insisting on going to find GC herself brought years to my eyes because what kind of love this😭😭😭 .

I actually wanted to say that I really do not care about Gu Wonmu's political views and such, I could care less. I could understand to an extent his jealousy and insecurities. What I care about is that GC expected him to come for her and he didn't. He broke her heart. I don't care I don't care about the era he was in, should I have expected, yes, probably, am I still upset? Yes! She waited for him. She insisted on waiting for him. She trusted him and he turned his back on her. She trusted him.

Hi Anon!

Break for episode 13 spoilers:

It was so awful the way Gu Won-mu left, but in retrospect the writing was on the wall the moment she was taken, wasn’t it? His boundary was simply further along than that of most other husbands (as the man at the market said to Gil-chae, no husband has ever come looking for a wife.) I don’t even think his insecurities played a part - only the simple, terrible truth of what it would mean for his own career and honour.

What a cold and incredibly cruel view of women - even if she had no value as his wife, she was a sister, a daughter and a friend. But even those ties can be eroded on mere suspicion. Mere suspicion is sufficient to ostracise a woman. How do you prove a negative, after all? And so the sins of others become a poison in a woman’s body, and so she becomes a limb to be cut off. My only hope is that he would have continued to care for Gil-chae’s family and support them.

You’re so right about the truly heartbreaking thing in Gu Won-mu’s refusal to bring Gil-chae home. She identified herself as his wife, she kept saying her husband would come, and in the depths of her and JongJong’s misery this consummate survivor refused to seek help from Lee Jang-hyeon, who would have been right at hand. She might not have loved Gu Won-mu the way she loved Lee Jang-hyeon, but you’re absolutely right that she trusted he would do right by her - a far greater responsibility than love alone - and he failed her in that, and what an ignominious, terrible failure of her faith in him. A pathetic man who partly owes his elevated status in life to Gil-chae (and Lee Jang-hyeon too!); a sad little man who hemmed and hawed and dithered over finding her as she suffered in captivity; an ugly little man who had to be pushed and shoved by her friends (and at least one supposed enemy Ryang Eum!) to do the right thing, all whilst Gil-chae scraped and starved and literally scarred herself so she could survive. It’s such a slap in the face.

I really loved that the heroes of this episode were resolutely not the presumably straight, able-bodied scholars and officers. The tales of moral rectitude and bravery are about these men, all of whom falter and dither about and prefer to protect themselves over an innocent woman. The old, infirm grandpa who buys Gil-chae time to escape and thanks her for saving his grandson; Gil-chae herself who stands on a cliff and cares enough to pull everyone she possibly can from the edge of it; the girls including JongJong who did not jump, who turned from the abyss; Ryang Eum, who loves Lee Jang-hyeon so much he’s on his way to Shenyang to help reunite him with the woman he loves; and finally Eun-ae and Bang Du-ne, leaving their men at the crack of dawn to do what the men didn’t and couldn’t accomplish: get their friend back from Shenyang despite all the dangers.

(I’m not invested in Lee Jang-hyeon and the Qing princess storyline very much. What do you think about them, Anon?)

As always it’s a pleasure to hear from you, Anon. Have a good weekend!

#of all the gin joints in the world #mbc my dearest #namgoong min anon

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unohanabbygirl · 9 months

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Thread on the hairstyles of everyone in FMN because why not?

Starting off strong (get it?) we have Jace who’ve I’ve granted grace and given a nice standard haircut. Anything too short is a no for him and mullets give the guy war flashbacks so this is his comfort look.

Out of all the Stark men his hair is the least curly, more wavy than anything but if he grew it out there would be a lot more bounce to it. Thankfully he’s kept up with the family tradition and decided to retain some nice length. Whenever Baela’s board she cornrows it just to see how red his scalp will turn from irritation.

One time she posted her work to twitter but made sure to let everyone know he’s legally biracial so it’s fine.

Next in we have baby Joffrey who’s hair is the curliest out of both his brothers plus Harwin. Its got some natural highlights and is very bouncy. The kid loves his hair even though he likes to act as if it’s whatever and hides the dozens of haircare products beneath the bathroom sink. He’s a shea-moister and curling cream junkie but don’t let him hear you say it because he’ll deny, deny, deny and insist his hair just looks like that fresh out of bed. Not his fault he’s gods favorite.

One time he posted a thirst trap to his story while his hair was wet as he was straight out of the shower because he finally added a girl he’d been crushing on to his close friends. Sadly, he forgot his sister’s were in his close friends as well which led to him getting screen shotted and made fun of 😔

Mama Rhaenyra! Ugh, her hair is everything, very reminiscent of the stereotypical 90’s bombshell. Think Anna Nicole Smith but Pamala Anderson whenever she goes for an updo.

Nyra keeps her hair around shoulder length but will grow it out a few inches in the winter/fall before going back to the salon to get some length cut off because she misses the bob. Loves hairspray like its her best friend and thinks dry shampoo is the holy grail of all hair products. The love this woman has for her hair was passed on through Joffrey and everyone knows it.

She’ll cry and be down in the dumps for the rest of the day if her salon trip leaves her with harsher layers than she wanted (me too babes, me too)

Rhaena said she was serving cunt once after getting some minor highlights + a blowout and hasn’t stopped smiling since.

Laena! What can I say? She’s a simple woman.

Her hair is always giving effortless but takes a bunch of time and heavy maintenance. Its the perfect combo between that messy running across the beach look while still very glamorous. She isn’t big on big brands or factory made products like some people… so her main hair care items are water based, all natural things like olive oil and rice water, and only applies heat every once in a blue moon. The last time an actual hair dryer ever touched her hair was when the twins were still in middle school.

Very simple woman when it comes to styles, likes a pretty low bun with a few strands pulled in front of her face and if she’s feeling adventurous will clip on a faux bang that she styled to match her hair since she’s too afraid to commit to cutting real ones. (Again, me too.)

Baela is my favorite because I’m a sucker for women with short hair. No woman has ever looked ugly with short hair and thats that.

Baela has never cared for long hair mainly because she’s a sports girl so its very hot. Plus she can’t keep a hair tie for shit, you could buy her a pack of 100 elastic hair ties and they’d all go missing in a month tops. Another reason she rather keep it shaved down is because its not as much hassle, however she’ll have her moments where she chooses to grow it out because she loves the 90’s Halle Berry and Nia Long vibe that comes with short hair on the longer side when its all styled up.

Currently her hair looks closer to the style on the left but will prob go back to something similar to the cut on the right soon.

Gonna make a part two and three because I can’t add more pictures 😭

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fierceawakening · 3 months

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A friend of mine recently mentioned to me that someone has chastised them for being upset with someone who has a personality disorder for saying something hurtful to them. I don’t know the specifics and wouldn’t describe them if I did anyway, but a conversation followed about whether mentally ill people are responsible for their actions or not.

And leaving aside what everyone ELSE said about this, I’m realizing my answer is I’m not always sure.

It’s a tumblr truism that if a mentally ill person does a mean thing, they were “choosing to be an asshole,” and therefore are responsible. It’s described as if the illness stirs up a reaction in you, maybe an intense one, but you get a dialogue prompt in the game of Being You, where you get to choose to act on it or not. And if you did, you knew.

I’ve said before that I suspect the women in my family have narcissistic traits. My mom, my aunt, most notably my grandmother. I loved and still love my grandmother dearly, so this is not meant as “narcissists are unlovable and inhuman.” (Also, I’m AFAB and genetically related to these people. If I’m right that they have enough narcissistic traits to be an issue, then so, most likely, do I.) She was very smart, never let anything get in her way, and fiercely protective of me and others she loved. I don’t say this to claim she was devoid of love or completely horrible.

But! The woman was OBSESSED with how people saw her, how everything anyone said and did reflected on the family. She curled and dyed her hair well into her 90’s. It was the consistency, and the color, of straw. When she finally succumbed to dementia, one of the earliest signs was her going to a hair appointment… at 3am… and, finding the place closed, banging on the doors and screaming about how important her appointment was and how they simply had to attend her immediately until she was led away.

“It hurts to be beautiful” was her favorite saying. Any suggestion that beauty might be discardable, even temporarily, because one does not wish to be hurt, was written off as obviously foolish, maybe even crazy.

As her dementia advanced and her brain to mouth filter disintegrated, she began to comment incessantly on people around her who were ugly or fat. She went up to someone and berated him for choosing visible hearing aids rather than the subtle flesh toned kind.

My mom and aunt inherited her obsession with how things look, whether because personality is in part genetic or because she shamed it into them or both. Both have very aggressively shamed me over similar stuff, a lot. This is bad, and I don’t deserve it and neither did they from Grandma.

So the question of responsibility becomes, at least for me: what about that dialog box?

When my mom sees that I dress butch and is disgusted because I’m MEANT to be beautiful, or feels she’s failed at teaching me anything about adulthood because my floor isn’t swept, does she get that little break, that little pause, in the horror that is the thought someone will see my floor, and explicitly select “be an asshole?”

I find myself thinking not.

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screwnames-ihatenames · 3 months

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Why did I think it was a good idea to stop masking when I realized I could be autistic that was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had now my mom has yelled at me for thinking I’m autistic and “crazy” how how I act effects the whole family and how my sister is just trying to help me take care of my self but it’s not helping and it’s hard but no I just want to be autistic apparently and how 3 years ago I was “normal” (I was heavily masking and genuinely hated most people around me was always walking on eggshells afraid of everyone older than me) and now I’m purposefully acting weird (decided to just act like myself and stop masking) and how they want to look after me (yell at me until I cry and tell me to bang my head against a wall for not caring etc etc) and how I shouldn’t view myself as ugly or fat because of what other people say (it was only her ever really saying that) how I need to get my act together (stop acting freely and mask) and now I am stuck in the living room because I’ve been in my room all day (it’s literally my only safe haven in this shithole other than the fucking bathroom) and holding back tears because I fucking hate being vulnerable around her oh and lastly I can’t bring my headphones to school anymore because people think I’m autistic (teachers allow me to wear them in class but both my sisters last and current teachers said no) I wanna leave the living room and this fucking house there have been worse times obviously this just sucks because now I don’t know what to do other than mask which is getting harder to do anyway guess I’ll sit here until I inevitably cry myself to sleep when I do go to bed because she started keeping my phone in her room

#r rambling #over sharing on the internet #great #vent #long post #I feel so stupid why did I feel happy my sister realized I may be autistic #apparently people at school talk about me??#I don’t really care about their opinions #I don’t really like them enough to care #and they’re not important enough for me to care #this is middle school I don’t care about their opinions I’m just trying to get through until I go to college #than I have to take care of myself and learn about myself and do it safely #this is stupid whatever #fucking stupid #oh she threatens to break my headphones if I wear them to school #they were never a problem before my sister suggested autism #why is taking care of myself so hard why don’t I know how to why is people telling me to feel so shitty #why does my mom tell at me every time I feel more and more like myself

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oh-hush-its-perfect · 10 months

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this is me officially asking you to infodump/ramble/anything about quinn :)

QUINN AHHHHHHHH MY BELOVED

so so so Quinn is the main character of the third (?) graphic novel in a series I plan to create that takes place in my hometown. Each story has a supernatural twist to it, but with Quinn's story in particular, the twist isn't revealed until Act 7 out of 8 (I could hypothetically make it a more typical three-act story, but the acts would have wildly different lengths if I did.) Feel free to guess what the twist might be having read this whole description!

It's worth noting that I originally conceived this story as a film. It's entirely written as a script; all I have to do is actually draw the panels for the graphic novel. Anyway, if I had decided to make it a film, it would be about an hour and a half long, approximately.

Enough about the actual story. What about Quinn?

So Quinn [Last Name Confidential] is a junior at [High School Name Confidential], and boy, does he have a reputation! Quinn has very apparent undiagnosed ADHD and behavioral problems. I wrote the biggest chunk of the story right after I received my own ADHD diagnosis and I wanted to write a protagonist who thought like me. He's also partially inspired by Holden Caufield from Catcher in the Rye, since I had just read that book when I started writing— and personally, I adored it. One of my favorite classics. I do know it's not everyone's cup of tea, and if you walked away from CITR resenting Holden, a) did we read the same book? and b) Quinn also probably won't be your cup of tea. He's aggressive, he's directionless, and he feels like no one in the world understands him— least of all his family.

His parents are upper-middle class folks with good upbringings (and family histories on both sides of people mysteriously going missing?). His siblings are both on scholarships going to prestigious colleges— his brother has a scholarship for football and his sister has an academic full ride. If it weren't for Quinn, the family would be perfect.

But Quinn! Like I said, major behavioral issues. The inciting incident of the story is Quinn throwing a terracotta pot at another student's head (he does miss, though, because he has terrible aim). He has a criminal record because of his tendency to shoplift candy bars from convenience stores. He only has one friend— and that single friend is his complete opposite. But all this isn't to say that Quinn isn't smart or talented. He's extremely smart and talented, actually, but has a hard time committing to tasks. Like, y'know, me, he has a really hard time doing laundry because he feels the need to check every single tag before he sorts his clothes. He does enjoy repetitive, simple tasks, though, like pulling weeds or other garden chores.

Some other fun facts about him:

He has a GIANT sweet tooth and loves sweets and milk and cream

He has a hard time making choices when given open-ended questions

He thrives in nature

He has very little sense of time

He has a bit of an obsession with counting things

He's left-handed!

On the side of his left hand, there's a white birthmark stretching from his wrist to the knuckle of his pinkie

He's pansexual and doesn't have a super strong relationship with his gender

He is also extremely oblivious and can't tell when people are hitting on him

At the beginning of the story, he looks kind of ugly— not because he is, but because he wears his bangs in front of his eyes so, like, half his face is covered and because he only wears black or other muted, desaturated colors.

His eyes are BRIGHT green

He is a white American, but about 75% of his ancestors were Irish.

He's got black hair and pale, clear skin.

He really looks good in jewel tones (vivid, bright colors) but almost never wears them.

He gets jealous easily

Remember that best friend I mentioned earlier? Quinn is a little in love.

If you're curious, please send more questions about him, his story, or any of my other stories to either this account or my art account, @zodapopz!!

#oc #original character #my original works

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biographydivider · 2 years

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MILK DAY MILK DAY MILK DAY

Happy holiday, to all who celebrate! Thank you to @breannaaiedail and @missilestorm1 for coming up with this madness - and a happy birthday to @glitternightingale! You are all babes, and I can’t wait to see everyone’s creations. Here’s mine; time for some Bruno and Pepa shenanigans!

“Bruno?”

Bang bang.

“Bruno!”

Bang bang bang.

“Hurry up in there!” Félix called. “I need my hair oils, bro! I can’t go out looking like this.”

Bruno groaned, pulling at the bags under his eyes. “Just a sec, Félix.”

Ugh; what was it about the lighting in bathrooms that made you look so…haggard? “Y’can’t get some ambient lighting in here, Casita?” Bruno grumbled, inspecting the crow’s feet growing at the corners of his eyes. Laugh lines, Julieta called them. Not that he’d done much laughing since the last time he’d had decent access to a mirror. Unless they’d formed in the last few months, since he’d been home? Like, maybe they’d got the jump on him?

“Ayo, Tio!” Camilo piped up, “there’s a line forming here!”

“There’s other bathrooms, Milo,” Bruno yelled, applying the last of the day cream he’d swiped from one of the girls’ bathrooms last week. It was the last remnants of a jar, Pepa wouldn’t miss it. But it didn’t seem to be working, anyway. He still looked every day of his fifty years, and then some. Maybe it only worked for light skin…?

“They’re all being used,” his sobrino said from the hallway; “all the girls are on the rag together –”

“Camilo.”

“What? I can’t say they’re on the rag? Can I say Aunt Flo’s visiting? They’ve got the decorators in? Shark Week? What? Anyway; no other bathrooms, so chop chop, Bruno.”

“Fine! Fine.” Bruno swung the door wide and stamped out, walking past every guy on Pepa’s side of the family, including a desperately scampering Antonio, who barged past his brother and Papi to get to the toilet first. “Knock yourselves out. Storytime in ten, Toñito! ‘member to clean your teeth, too.”

“’kaaaay!”

He’d tried everything he could think of. Chugging water constantly just resulted in him needing to pee every ten minutes. He’d tried being in the sun; being out of the sun; lotions and potions and eating whatever Juli put in front of him (until she found out what he was trying to heal and told him, as gently as she could, that her Gift wasn’t a fountain of youth). Cutting out caffeine? Don’t even think about it. He’d gone for half a morning and then gave in and was all the grumpier and more exhausted for the attempt. It was no use, Bruno just felt…old. Old and ugly. I mean, he’d never felt like a good-looking guy, but now…let’s just say ten years was a long time to not see your reflection in anything more than a banged-up silver tea tray.

Anyway. Family Weirdo Club time. At least the kids made him feel young again. Pepa’s Storytime Rule was that Antonio needed to read a few pages of a Non-Fiction book before Bruno and Mirabel read him a storybook, and so tonight, they were learning about the Ancient Egyptians.

“‘Cleeeeap….Cleop…Cl…’”

“Cleopatra,” Mirabel said, holding a hot water bottle to her belly. “It’s a big word, hombrecito, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, Mira. ‘Clee-oh-patr-ah was a famous Eg…Egyptian Queen. She was also the most bee-you-tee-full woman in the whooole world, because she bathed in milk and honey –‘” Antonio scrunched up his face. “Milk and honey for a bath?! Gross!”

“Sounds like a pretty good drink, though,” Mirabel said with a wince. “Oof, maybe warm, with some cinnamon…owie.” Poor kiddo; her stomach must’ve been killing her.

Antonio beamed up at her. “Juanita can make you some milk!”

Juanita was a cow Antonio had adopted from a farmer in town; apparently, she wanted to see more of the Encanto than just the pasture she was born in. So Antonio had said; Bruno kinda just thought his nephew wanted a pet cow. Mamá had said she could only stay if she ‘pulled her weight’ – and so the entire Madrigal clan were enjoying a glut of cheese, cream, butter and milk, and Juanita got her very own paddock to grow fat in.

Hmmm…milk and honey...

“Tio?”

Bruno was lost in thought; teeth worrying at his bottom lip. I mean; it sounded dumb. But a lot of things did, when you broke them down. Like social situations. Or maths. I mean; it couldn’t be less effective than –

“Bruno!”

“Uhhyyyeeaah, um, uh-huh!” Bruno babbled, grabbing a storybook off Antonio’s shelves. “Yep, yup! Storytime. Don’t worry, kid; all under control. You go relax, heh.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure. Okay! Toñito! Billy and the Pirates tonight, yeah? Go get comfy…”

About half an hour later, Bruno was standing on a chair in the kitchen, attempting to reach a jar of honey without knocking half the contents of Julieta’s larder to the floor. He’d done some pretty illogical things in his time, but he really didn’t know how to explain this one to the family if he got caught.

C’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon…got it!

Bruno leapt down from the chair, honeypot and spoon in hand. He set both on the counter, took a generous spoonful, and decanted it into a tiny jar he’d found in his room. Screwing the lid shut, he licked the spoon clean, went into the cold larder Juli kept especially for Juanita’s exports and…

Cream. Cheese. Butter. Whey. Curds. Everything but milk. Mirabel must’ve used the last of their supply for her period-pain-remedy. “Seriously?” Bruno growled, letting the larder door swing shut as he spun dramatically, gesturing at no-one. “We own an entire cow, how can there be no –”

Out the kitchen window, he could see Juanita grazing peacefully in her paddock.

No.

No way.

He wasn’t that desperate. Surely, he didn’t feel so old and wrinkly that he would –

…

“Heeeeeeeeyy, Juanita,” Bruno cooed, ducking under the fence into her paddock. “Sooo, I need a favour.” Juanita regarded him with deadpan brown eyes. Bruno approached; hands splayed out in pacification. “You give me, like, two squirts of milk in this lil’ jar, and I get you…I-I dunno, what do cows want?”

Juanita was silent on the matter. She simply chewed her cud as Bruno retrieved the milking stool from her shelter, flicking her tail disdainfully.

“Okay, um. I-I’ll get you…carrots. Carrots! Cows love carrots, right? I know a guy. Girl. Isabela. Getcha all the carrots you…all the carrots you want.” At the sight of her milking stool, Juanita stood in place and let Bruno sidle up to her and sit down. He winced.

“Okay. I can do this. I can do this. How hard can it be? How hard can it…ay, sorry! Sorry Juanita, didn’t mean to pull that hard. Okay…just aim it at the – gross gross gross gross it’s all warm and bleeeeargh –”

Splish-splish.

He’d done it. He’d milked a cow! Look at him go! Bruno Madrigal: Practically A Farmer.

“Thanks, Juanita,” Bruno said, stirring the milk into the honey with his finger as he walked backwards out the pasture. “I owe ya. Let’s keep this between us though, ‘kay? They already think I’m crazy in that house. I mean; I am talking to a cow, I-I guess. But…yeah.” He stuck his finger in his mouth, pulling it out with a pop. Mirabel was right; milk and honey did taste good. He just hoped it worked miracles, too. “G’night!”

Juanita said nothing. Just another night at the Madrigal house. She didn’t even like carrots.

…

“Woah-ho-ho, Brunito!” Felix hooted as his cuñado sauntered down the stairs the next morning. “Looking good, bro!”

“Thanks,” Bruno preened, trying his hair up with a ribbon so he could show off his glow. “I’m aware.”

He laid with the stuff on his face for a good, oh, hour and a half after he went to bed – he clearly couldn’t take up a bathroom for that length of time, not in this house, so he used the milk/honey concoction like a face mask; reading his book and trying not to get strands of hair stuck in the sweet, sticky mess. Trying to keep the rats away had been…interesting. In the end, Bruno had locked them all in their playroom for the night, tossing in a few stale arepas to assuage his guilt. Then, he’d wiped the concoction off, slept like a baby for once and, when he awoke, had the softest, clearest skin he’d had in years. Even the bags under his eyes seemed to be receding; and that was after only one night!

It had worked. It had actually worked!

He swanned around the Encanto for the rest of the day – winking at people of all genders, occasionally patting his face and enjoying how soft it felt – until, just before dinner, Pepa lunged from the shadows and dragged him into the kitchen with a yelp.

“Spill. Now.”

“I don’t know,” Bruno said, tilting his head this way and that, “what you mean, sister dear.”

“Where has this confidence come from?” Pepa crossed her arms, a tiny thundercloud forming above her head. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

Bruno felt himself deflate, just a little. “I…I-I just feel nice today, that’s all. C-can’t I just feel nice?”

“Oh no; I’m not saying you don’t look nice. You look fantastic, it’s infuriating.” Pepa grabbed her brother by the ruana and yanked him close. “Bruno. The other day Señora Guzmán said my face had a lot of character.”

Bruno gasped. “Puta.”

“I will not be judged,” Pepa said through gritted teeth, “by a woman whose son was beaten in a fight by a plant.” She reached up and stroked Bruno’s cheek, eyes burning. “Tell me your secret.”

…

“…you are kidding me.”

A few hours later, Pepa leaned against the fenceposts as Bruno ducked into Juanita’s paddock.

“Pep,” Bruno said, spinning around and putting his feet on the bottom rung of the fence so he was at his sister’s height, cupping her face in his hands. “I love you. I think you’re beautiful just as you are. But if you want this –” he placed his palms under his jawline and posed, skin dewy even in the moonlight – “then y’gotta help me milk the stupid cow, alright?”

Pepa scowled. “…fiiiiiiine.”

Pepa ducked under the fence, making clucking noises with her tongue. “Heeeere, Juanita…that’s a good girl, come on…”

Juanita, however, had other ideas. Being harassed in the middle of the night by two humans with desperation in their eyes had not been part of the deal she’d broached with Antonio. She would not be tugged on and bullied, she just wouldn’t stand for it. And so, as soon as the scraggly-haired male human placed her milking stool at her side and sat down, she moved a few paces, just out of reach. And then again. And again. And then, when the red-haired female one tried to hold her by the halter, Juanita swung her huge head at her middle and knocked her flying. This cow was not in the mood to play two nights in a row.

“Pep, j-just grab her, alright?”

“I am trying, Bruno – if you think it’s so easy, you hold her steady, and I’ll milk her.”

“Fine!”

“Fine! Gimme that stupid stool…”

…

“’Psychosomatic,’”

read Camilo, straddling the dictionary across his legs.

“’Relating to the interaction of the mind and the body.’”

His prima wrestled the huge, leather tome away from him, flicking backwards to the ‘F’s.“‘Folie à deux,’” read Mirabel, her finger raised in the air in a way that reminded Camilo a little too much of their tio, “‘also known as shared psychosis or delusional disorder.’”

They both turned back to the bedroom window; watching as Camilo’s Mami chased a cow around the paddock just outside his window, while their Tio Bruno was basically dragged along the ground, holding onto her halter, yelling ‘think of y’complexion, Pep!’ as his sister stumbled over her skirts in a vain attempt to catch Juanita; a steadily growing wind blowing her hair back from her face, which was frozen in a mask of crazed determination.

“Told you he was being weird out there last night. Now he’s involved her in it, too.”

“At least he’s feeling more confident,” Mirabel offered, leaning on the windowsill. “He deserves that.”

“Yeah, but that gunk doesn’t work,” Camilo scoffed. “It’s all in his head. Frickin’ sunlight and good food’re doing more for his skin than some magic cure.”

“Do you want to go down there and tell them?”

“Pffbt; no.”

“Then we’re agreed; we stay up here, out of sight, and come up with a name for this…” Mirabel winced as Bruno faceplanted in the mud. At least, she hoped it was mud. “…spectacle.”

“Bruno!” Camilo’s Mami shrieked; a crack of lightning punctuating her panic. “Your face! Your beautiful face!”

“…Madrigal Madness?” Camilo offered. Mirabel grinned, offering her fist to be bumped in agreement.

“Madrigal Madness. Definitely.”

#Bruno's opinions on his looks do not reflect those of the author #but you knew that already right?#encantomilkday #encanto milk day #bruno madrigal #pepa madrigal #la familia madrigal #encanto #pensandpizza

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tothedarkdarkseas · 1 year

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Hi anon! Since I can’t add a read more to the ask itself I’m just copying your text below, and I’ll respond to it at the bottom!

Anonymous asked:

Hi. Your WIP inspired me.

The second time, it was on accident. He wakes up to a pounding under his skull, body not feeling much better, and a foggy memory of last night's events.

Shockingly, that isn't new. Not even a surprise.

The bed he's in (he's actually in a bed, that's one point) is soft at least, (unlike his bed at home, another point) which serves as a blatant reminder that he's not where hes supposed to be.

He opens one, now two eyes, and looks over at the body next to him.

Blonde hair that looks white in the sun covers her face. Whoever she is. He doesn't care.

Despite the protests of his spine, he sits up, and looks around. It's clean, cleaner than he's used to. The girl couldn't be that bad, as he takes notice of the pictures on the walls. Older people, presumably family. There's a desk in the corner, notebooks stacked neatly, a calendar showing the current month. She really had her stuff together. That's new. Poser, he thinks, offhandedly.

Murdoc doesn't think about why he already believes that anyone who would sleep with him must have something wrong with them, at the age of 24.

He gets out of bed slowly. He would deny actually caring about disturbing the girl's sleep. It's more that he doesn't want to see her face, see the disappointment of a man she brought into her room. He didn't want to see her eyes become dark. He didn't want to see his reflection in them.

His clothes were easy enough to find. They stuck out, the one mess in the room. Would his smell stay after he was gone? Would she wake up, scrunch her nose, and clean up after him before brushing her own teeth?

Nowadays, he doesn't wear pants. It's punk, he says, but that's a shit excuse. The reality is that when you're starving or aching from withdrawals, "new pants" doesn't really take priority on the shopping list. But now, the thought of the chafing denim on the walk home makes Murdoc's brows crease.

It's a new low.

He begins to slip on the first pair of knickers he finds. Laying on her vanity, he presumes they were tossed off from last night. They're ugly. Purple, with a pink lace around the waist and each leg hole.

He sees.

He can't stop himself from looking at his reflection.

The way they lay on his hips, how his thighs spill over the pink edge on each side. The bulge is a disgusting reminder that this is wrong. Yet pathetically, soft, it's contained in the small fabric. This is wrong. But as he turns around, A look over his shoulder and-

Fuuuuck. Shit. Shitshitshitshit. Fuck.

He slips on his jeans. His jacket. Boots. He's a whore, his thinks, when he remembers he left his house without a shirt.

He walks home with a red face.

The knickers stay on, for the rest of that day.

Thank you for sending me your take, I’m really flattered that this inspired you at all and holy cow, I’m very impressed with how quickly you whipped that up! I swear, there’s a cog missing in my brain that makes speedy writing feel like an impossibility, haha. You just banged it right out!

You and I are very much on the same page here! This probably won’t surprise you given our conversations on this blog, but you nailed the prediction (whether you meant to or not!) One of the five scenes I outlined was indeed Murdoc stealing knickers from a girl he’d shagged; given it’s canon that he steals purses and whatever else he fancies including clothing, I think this is just such a natural assumption to make. In the WIP, he’s begun wearing knickers on stage, making a spectacle of it, doing it for jeers and heckles and the punkish attitude that, in Murdoc’s case, bridges into antisocial behaviour. He doesn’t have to have the conversation with himself if he’s instead having the conflict with everyone else. The part where he feels something quieter than that, though, the part where he’s not yet given himself permission to wear them elsewhere-- that’s the next thing to contend with. By the time he’s snatching the knickers in a scene like this, there’s no audience to call him names nor an element of in-band fighting over their image, there’s no spite he can justify it with, and so there’s no reason to do it but the private desire to. And I think in your version you captured the very same feeling, making something he’d framed to himself as a statement into a secret. I love the concept of making the things you do alone so much scarier than the things you do under a spotlight. That feels very Murdoc to me.

#anon writing #I should have established a tag for that but I don't think I ever did. I'm sorry!#suggestion of nsft behind the cut but it's nothing blatant

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dani-sdiary · 4 months

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The Reasons Why I've Never Been on a Date:

The painful fucking shyness, I mean, borderline agoraphobia. I won't settle for less than clicking "add to cart" on Mr. Right and having him delivered to my home, with free shipping.

a. Really, though, I've missed a lot of school. And work (and that's only once a week). I can barely make it to my real responsibilities (much less dates). I struggle with just getting out of bed sometimes, let alone leaving my house, and when I do, I'm usually too anxious to go without a parent, which severely decreases my chances of being approached. And if I never go anywhere, how can I expect to meet anyone?

b. It's just that I know I won't meet anyone, though. It's that when I manage to try, when I put my blood, sweat, and tears into making myself look somewhat presentable, when I go someplace people under 70 are, when I do everything Google said makes you approachable: bangs, wearing red, exposing the wrists, red nail polish, smiling, not being on your phone, being alone, and open body language, when I get my hopes up, it never works out. And that makes it even harder the next time. Excuses, excuses.

2. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I see myself as undateable and others just take the cue. Though, chicken and egg. A little girl doesn't suddenly decide she's horrifically ugly and no one will ever love her. It's proven to her, time and time again. Or rather, being seen as beautiful or even average and capable of being loved is not proven to her, and she draws the only logical conclusion.

3. I've had somewhat of an unconventional high school experience. My freshman year was 2020-2021, and we were online until May. Sophomore year we were back in person, but socially distanced, and I left about a month before the end of the school year and took my finals remotely. Junior and Senior year, I've been going to Hometown Community College (HCC). I take some in-person classes and some online, so I'm only on campus for about 4 hours a week. Some of my classmates are adults with families and careers, but a lot of them are around my age. Oh, well.

4. It isn't love, it's only Hometown. Maybe I would be worshiped as a goddess in some other part of the world. Who knows? My city isn't that walkable and I'm a virgin who can't drive, so it is a bit difficult to meet people. There are a lot of Latinos here, and mixed girls like me, and it's a real let-your-freak-flag-fly-so-everyone-will-know-how-different-and-cool-you-are-unlike-the-sheep kind of place so it's not like I stand out in any way. It certainly has it faults, but one thing I will say about Hometown is that you can walk down the street and see face tattoos, blue hair, and women with beards.

5. The other thing is of course the bloodhound sixth sense. Men can smell the eau de desperation and low self-esteem radiating off of me from a mile away. Half-off at Bath and Bodyworks. God, even when I like another girl as a friend, I smother her. When I like someone in any type of way, I ask a million questions, I want to know everything about them, spend every second with them. I expect an intimacy that would take years to build up to just happen over night.

6. I think it would be naive to say that looks weren't a part of it, a significant part, though certainly not all of it. I know everyone says personality is more important than appearance in the end, when you really love someone, and I agree, but it's so hard to even get to that place. It's difficult to make that initial connection if you're not really anyone's type. I've never been approached. No guy has ever just walked up to me and "shot his shot" as they say. No one has tried to strike up a conversation or dared to ask for my number. Yes, I know it's nerve-wracking for men to just walk up to a stranger, especially an attractive one, and try to talk to her, and this doesn't happen to every woman, but it happens to some, and I wish I was one of them. Some men think some women are worth getting over the fear for, and I wish someone saw me that way. And no, I don't approach guys either, I'm nothing if not a hypocrite. I am paralyzed with fear about this because I'm worried about not being rejected. I'm worried the guy won't know I'm trying to flirt with him because I have no idea how, or that I won't know he's letting me down easy because it'll go over my head, or that he'll feel too sorry for me to reject me.

a. I'm high-maintenance while looking low-maintenance. I take hours to get ready in the morning and no matter how much I do and how much money I waste and what lengths I go to it never helps. Worse still than my grotesqueness, which a man could look past, is my insecurity. My constant, constant need for reassurance. He could swear over and over that he loves me as I am but I'll never believe it. To illustrate, you've just read several paragraphs of complaints about my appearance. If you were my man (Lord help you), I'd never shut up.

b. To summarize: annoying, inexperienced, and no oil painting. I think I could've said as much in one sentence.

c. This is how I register in men's heads. Maybe this is totally incorrect, but we women think of you as rather like robots, capable of an incredible compartmentalization that must make life so much simpler. I'm so messy. Men can just decide to not get attached, to not care, to focus on what's really important rather than distractions, and their hearts actually listen to them. And if not, you could've fooled me.

d. I think men sort of scan me. When they first see me, my statistics and vital signs pop up on their cybernetically enhanced vision. They make a crucial decision right then and there, write me off as uninteresting. Again, all speculation. You can't fault me for being a logic-oriented person. If this isn't how it happens, I want some hard proof (lawyer voice). You can't fault me for being a fanciful, gullible, self-absorbed and ridiculous little girl.

e. I'm a little overweight, but not playboy bunny curvaceous and feminine, nor supermodel thin. I'm wide and bulky and flat in the back and the front. I'm average height, not cute and short or old Hollywood statuesque. I have scars and stretch marks and acne and strawberry legs. Pale skin and chestnut hair with a few strands of red that couldn't decide if it wanted to be straight or curly so settled for a halfhearted wave. My haircut is what it is, a mistake that I'm growing out (excruciatingly slowly). Eyes so dark you can't distinguish the iris from the pupil. I wear contacts. Huge, blackheady nose and ultrathin pale, cracked lips. I care deeply about my appearance and I do the best I can to take care of myself. After school and work and work and school, eating healthy feels so impossible, but I try to be somewhat balanced at least. I don't exercise besides the erstwhile jog, but I walk around a lot on campus and I have a physical type of job. Everyone's always told me I look older (mid-twenties) than I am (newly 18). For most of the year, I wear pretty much the same thing everyday- The Dani Uniform (TM). A knee-length skirt and a sweater. Inoffensive, not particularly alluring. f. The worst, though, is the severe hirsutism, my main PCOS symptom. How am I supposed to be confident when my body is a punchline in every movie you've ever seen? I just don't think confidence is meant for me. I'm not one of those take-off-her-glasses-and-she's-beautiful types. I've gotten better, certainly, I'm not waterboarding myself with sweat anymore by forcing myself to wear turtlenecks in the summer. I do my best to be an adult, to pick myself up and get on with it, put on an ugly but brave face and show myself as I am. But the truth is, being able to wear tanktops hasn't made me hate myself any less. I still can't say the "h" word out loud (or type it). I still can't shake the feeling of being dirty and sick, like I have bugs crawling all over my skin. And I could never, ever, show this body to anyone. One day, I'm going to fall head over heels in love, I know that already. Love isn't the issue. I will love someone so much he can't stand it, but I'll never be able to trust him enough. I'm too far gone for that.

6. I don't know. I really don't know. I've turned it over and over in my head for years, driven myself crazy trying to figure it out, connected all my features with push pins and red string to unveil the grand conspiracy. But every reason I can come up with isn't something unique to me, it's something that millions of other people experience, have, do, or are, and that hasn't been a barrier, or hasn't always been barrier, for at least some of them to be in a relationship. I'm just stuck thinking, why wasn't what I did good enough? Why am I the exception? I followed the rules, I consulted the opinions of others around me, I did everything just like everyone else did. I don't know if other people see me this way, but I think of myself as a deeply average person- my personality, my looks, how I grew up. To be perfectly honest, it does surprise me a bit that my love life has been so atypical when every other part of my life hasn't. There's nothing special about me. I'm not a good person, but I don't intentionally hurt others. I'll never be beautiful, pretty, or even average, but there's nothing shocking about the way I look, I'm just plain.

a. Lots of people are shy, especially teenagers. We're all self conscious and absorbed, debilitating insecurity and a simultaneous God complex. Plenty of teenagers date, go to dances, go parking, share a milkshake with two straws...

b. Everyone has low self-esteem. Sure, some more so than others, but the vast majority of people struggle with confidence, even those other people think shouldn't. We're all oracles writing self-fulfilling prophecies all the time. If you had to be confident to get a date, the human race would have died out by now.

c. For fuck's sake, people got married during the pandemic. People fell in and out of and back in love, people lost their virginity, people cheated, people flirted, people joined dating apps and met on zoom, people took off their masks and kissed, people were irresponsible and reckless and human and attractive and attracted. We all lost the school year, but plenty of my classmates didn't lose the experiences.

e. Isn't everyone desperate for something? And hasn't that desperation made me work 10 times harder? It's ambition, it's led me to try nearly everything, and even if it's obvious, isn't a little desperation attractive? I don't know if it is to boys, but it is to me. I want someone to need me, to think about me all the time, to be crazy about me. Maybe I take that too far, but it's not as if I'm proposing on the first date or collecting your used tissues for my shrine. Yeah, I want it bad and I when I fall, I fall hard, but the last thing I want is to make someone uncomfortable. If he told me to slow down, I would.

f. But if all it took was a little makeup and some time at the gym, wouldn't I lose love as soon as I washed my face or gained a few pounds? My appearance is going to change drastically throughout my life, and I don't want love to end when it does. I want to believe that everyone is beautiful. It's important to me to believe that, and that means I have to begrudgingly accept that I'm beautiful, too. I'm worried it would become a slippery slope if I made an exception for myself. I guess I just figured everyone was someone's type. I might not be conventionally attractive, but I thought eventually I'd blindly stumble upon someone who was okay with the way I look. You know what they say about assuming. It makes a (flat) ass of you and me. Yeah, maybe there's a lid for every pot. But my lid will either be blind, an alcoholic with permanent beer goggles, or have some kind of rare fetish.

I am precisely the opposite of what men want. Clingy, needy, and desperate- and not attractive enough to justify my horrible personality. I'm not cool or fun or down-to-earth. I'm not drama-free or go-with-the-flow. I say I'm fine when I'm not because I expect you to read my mind. I'm ugly, uncommunicative, and crazy. I'm a pervert who's far too shy to ever take her clothes off. I'm immature and stubborn and stupid and as hard as I try not be, a hopeless romantic.

Fuck my life.

#romantic #romance #lovers #love #relationships #relationship #dating

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that-one-daydream-you-forgot · 6 months

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TW: RANT

School rant or identify crisis

So like- we had our christmas party and everyone complimented me saying stuff like "omg- you look so pretty" or "I didn't recognize you bc of your hair and outfit, I thought you were a random person". And I appreciate the compliments but I just..I don't know I was just being happy and all, but when I went home and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't see what I wanted to become or what I normally looked like, all I saw was a person who had the same face but more refined and probably better.

I don't know, bc my family tells me I look good with long hair and bangs and so does my friends. I don't know, I just don't want to feel like I'm confined in one space when I'm feminine. I'm actually starting to wonder if am I really a demi girl or am I genderfuild so I'll just leave it blank for now. I honestly don't know if I wanna go through with that long hair hair cut I showed my mom before because if I do. I would have to act a certain way to fit with the hair style.

And I don't like that, I just wanna keep my hair short and wear techwear but here in the Philippines it's hard to do that. I remember the last time I showed my old bsfs my whole rant and asked them if it's normal to rant like that, but it’s normal for a certain one who always have something new to rant.

Plus I just always feel like a 3rd wheel when I'm talking to either of them. I don't really know why am I so upset with growing out my hair, or probably bc I don't want my hair to be tangled everyday and such. I don't want long hair but I promised my mom I would try it and she convinced me to try out a pretty hair style bc it would suit me.

No shame of my family it's just that, I don't want to have to act a certain way just to fit in something. I just realized that earlier while looking at myself in the mirror, I can carry myself with confidence when I have short hair but. Ultimately I don't feel confident in long hair. Maybe it's because of that I know I don't know how to carry myself with long hair, and that I don't want to try it out because I just have flashbacks from my grade 4 self who looked like absolute rubbish while having long hair.

And yeah, I don't know how to tell my parents that I feel ugly when I have to be feminine or just having long hair and I don't have confidence with it. But really, if people see me as more beautiful after I grow my hair out I will probably have a breakdown because I don't even like it.

#ajax talks #school rant #tw rant

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elenavampire21 · 6 months

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Warning: full of smut mentions of sexual activity, mentions of kidnappings and a ever stresses and pissed off certain Hunt

Summary: it was supposed to be the wedding of your dreams until you were kidnapped. Did or didn’t the wedding happen?

@worldofheroes @helloitstsyu @love2write2626

An unexpected wedding day

You were nervously standing in your wedding dress excited because you were finally going to be Mrs hunt. When all of a sudden you were knocked out.

Ethan and benji were all ready at the church with family/friends and a few imf agents.

Ethan just stood staring at the door and faces benji “you think y/n will come right she still wants to get married she didn’t say anything to you and Luther like she’s you know changed her mind.”

Benji rolled his eyes “Ethan stop dude she loves you and would be absolutely stupid to leave you, she’ll be here.”

Luther knocks on the door “future Mrs hunt are you ready to hit the church, y/n”. He bangs on the door again “y/n have you changed your mind y/n”.

He breaks and manages to kick down the door and notices you’re not there but your clutch bag bouquet of roses and your mobile is left laying on the bed and he instantly phone’s benji.

“Hey Benj we have a massive huge problem ehm y/n’s not here her phone,flowers and bag are here.”

Benji notices Ethan is passing back and forth and feels his phone ring taking it out he answers “hey Luther everything okay does the bride look stunning, pardon what”

He sneakily glances at Ethan and mumbles “what the fuck am I supposed to tell Ethan.”

Ethan senses something is wrong and he looks . “Benji give me the phone now let me speak to Luther I wanna talk to y/n.” Benji hands the phone to Ethan “mate you need to know something before Luther tells you

Y/n’s not there.”

Ethan drops the phone and falls to his knees “she’s not there why did she take her phone with her or the flowers”.

Benji shock his head “Luther is her phone and flowers and bag still there, he replies yup they’re all there”.

Y/n wakes up changed in a basement and is frightened and worried her voice is Hoarse from screaming Ethan’s name.

You stray and Stand up but are chained.

A shadow appears out of the darkness chuckling “ohh poor pathetic Y/n I bet your useless husband to be is panicking that his stupid wife won’t be there.”

You groan “ugh thought I’d never see your ugly face again Gabriel. Ethan he’ll fucking kill you I’d love to be Mrs Y/n hunt you’ll never stop us”.

Ethan and benji both stare at each other benji stays on the phone to Luther “mate we think Gabriel’s got her got to the warehouse and then meet us back at the church.

Some imf agents decide to usher family and friends outside to a marquee. “If you all could just stay here I’m sure everything will be fine and back to normal.

Benji and Ethan are rushing and pulling up Gabriel’s files and trying to find any near by hideouts he could be. “Ah Ethan I bet he’s taken her here come on let’s go get your wife back.”

Both Ethan, benji and Luther meet up and heads straight to the hideout Luther and benji check the upstairs whilst Ethan takes the basement.

“Gabriel please let me go I have my wedding to go to everyone will be waiting all I wanna do is kiss my newly husband.” You heard what you thought was footsteps and smiled when Ethan put a hand to his lips motioning to stay quiet.

“Aww y/n you little looser face it Ethan’s not coming for you ,you’re gonna just stay here and rote for death. Gabriel giggles and stays staring at you whilst sitting right in front of you.

You’d secretly managed to pull out a hairpin from your bracelet and has unlocked the chains but still pretending you’re locked up.

“Ohh you think Ethan’s a looser and I’m pathetic tut tut tut Gabriel I’d thought you’d have Learned by now that you never mess with anyone to do with Ethan Matthew Hunt.”

You slowly get up off the chair and high kick Gabriel into a dark patch. “Baby do the honours now.” All of a sudden the sides of the patch falls down and at each side stood you, Ethan, benji and Luther. Ethan happily tells benji to turn the gas chamber on which slowly gases and kills Gabriel

Ethan strides over to you and cups your face passionately kissing you and instantly running hands down your waist then he pulls back. “You scared the shit out of me really thought you didn’t wanna get married.”

You shake your head and secretly held up a hairpin “you think I’d be stupid if I’d let you walk out of my life ehm Mr Hunt I’ve learned heaps from you, ta-da the epic hairpin trick

Picks locks and chains faster, now mr hunt it’s bad to see the bride so benji get his arse to the church now.”

Ethan glares at Luther “dude don’t let her outta your sight can’t have her going off again and oi Mrs hunt don’t be fucking late I hate waiting.”

Ethan and benji arrive back at the church and everyone else has gone into their seat

Ethan’s still nervous you’ll be kidnapped again until he hears the bridle march and the massive oak doors swings open to show you and Luther slowly walking up the aisle until Luther grins and whispers to Ethan “got her arse safely to the church like you orders”.

You smile and instantly grab Ethan’s hand your face is covered by the veil and hiding the tears. Ethan gently lifts the vail and notices you crying.

He strokes your cheek “hey what’s those tears for you actually wanna marry me right.”

You giggle “Ethan I was scared that I’d never get married and that Gabriel would kill me and we’d never be together so Mr hunt shut up and marry me.”

The priest begins doing the wedding routine and then you and Ethan each say your separate vows then do the exchanging of the rings then the priest smiles “mr hunt you may kiss your bride”.

Ethan gently cups your cheeks and deeply and passionately kisses you then pulls back “well hello Mrs hunt you’re finally mine.”

You and Ethan are giggling and enjoying yourself and mingling with guests and then suddenly a pair of arms get wrapped round your waist “mmmh Mrs hunt I do believe it’s our first dance then once we’re finished here I’m taking you back to the hotel room and fuck you all night then plan our honeymoon.”

You and Ethan walk to the middle of the dance floor and begin doing your first dance and you’re kissing and smiling.

Once the guests start to whittle down one by one Ethan walks you and takes your hand as there’s a hired car to take you and Ethan back to the hotel. He leans down and kisses your uncovered shoulders and he sneakily runs his hand down the inside of your wedding dress that accentuates your cleavage. “Ahh ohh Ethan baby you have to be good and wait.”

Your private car had arrived out your own luxury penthouse. Ethan helped you get out of the car. You both walked to the front door Ethan opened it and picked you up bridle style “Mmmh welcome home Mrs y/n hunt”.

Both of you smirked after Ethan made sure the door was locked before walking and picking you up so your legs were wrapped around his waist and he headed upstairs to the bedroom and gently placed you down.

Both of you made quick work and removing clothes, boxers panties and bra.

Ethan lowered you onto the bed and he kneeled in between your legs slowly kissing up your legs up your thighs.

You gripped the bedsheets “ohh mr hunt mmmh Ethan baby fuck please I need you.”

He looks up and smirks before gently licking and sucking on your wet clit he rub your pussy a little enjoying hearing the moans and groans coming from your mouth.

After a good while of Ethan eating you out and enjoying the taste of your sweet cum.

He took his very hard and throbbing cock

And rubs it against you soaking wet clit and jackhammers into he lift you up so you’re cuddling him and automatically feel him deep inside you. “Aaah aah ohh ohh Ethan, Ethan do something a little bit different tie me up to the bed.”

He gently pulls out of you reaching for the tie he wore to his wedding put both your hands together then hooked and tied the tie to the bed and automatically jackhammered straight back into you

He passionately kisses you and rambed his hip and thrusted into you. “Ugh fuck Mrs hunt I love you, yes this what baby wants eh to be tied up and fucked rough your such a naughty girl.”

Your thrusting and meeting Ethan’s rhythms

And can instantly tell your about to cum.

“Ugh ugh fuck baby baby I’m cumming.”

You both cum whilst screaming each other’s names. He gently unties you and pulls the blankets over you but you’re safely secure in his arms.

You both admire each other “what’s that face for Mr Hunt.”

Ethan laughs and shakes his head “Nothing Mrs Hunt Just happy we managed to save you and I definitely in the end got to make you my wife.

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