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aquariusdeanw · 2 years

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Brenner’s death makes me emotional. But not for him.

When we see El for the first time she’s in a lab gown, barefoot, starving after she spent a night in the forest where she saw the outside world with her own eyes for the first time in 12 years.

we discover that growing up she was praised for doing morally wrong things, punished for doing morally right things.

when she was punished though, it was never Brenner. He always ordered other guards to hurt her. When it was time to praise her, there he was. He built this sick relationship where she sought approval of the only person that didn’t physically hurt her.

It’s twisted that Brenner actually believed that he was doing it for her. That he actually saw her as his daughter.

El wonders in the woods and there she finds Mike, that brings her home with him. At his house she is shown love in a way that she never thought it was possible. With kindness. With tenderness. She sees Nancy room, sees her baby pictures and El slowly realizes how much she missed. The childhood that was stolen away from her.

When Brenner and El reunite at the end of s1, he’s “worried” about her; but it’s too late, she already saw a world completely different from the lab, a way of treating her completely different from how she was treated there.

«I’m going to take you back home, where I can make you well again. Where we can make all of this better, so no one else gets hurt.»

«Bad. Bad. Mike. Mike.» she says when he picks her up.

Brenner is devastated, things will never go back to the way that they were. She knows that he’s the bad guy just like everyone else at the lab.

///

Everything stays like this in El’s mind until she feels the weight of who she is. Yes, she hits Angela without her powers, but that reminds her that she did use them to kill people. That she could’ve used them for bad things. That she could be the monster. That papa could have been right in taking her away and keeping her locked up. She barely resist the police and doesn’t try to defend herself in the interrogation room because maybe she deserves to be locked up.

Then everything changes again. Papa is alive, she runs, he’s still bad in her mind so she hits him. She tries to run away one more time, but he’s the only one that knows how to help her discover if she’s really the monster, so she takes his extended hand, and they’re together once again.

He explains a lot to her, talking about her real self. But something isn’t right, and when she discovers what really happened to One, it’s too much to take.

He let her down once again, and this time there is no doubt in her mind. He’s not her papa, her dad, and all the bad things that happened in her life are because of him. Her mom, Benny, Barb, Bob, the gate, the mind flayer, 001. All the things that she felt guilt over, were never her fault.

She’s not the monster. He is.

When she tells her that, he cries. The tears are not manipulation. He really is sad. He really believes he’s doing the right thing. He doesn’t understand why she won’t understand.

The military comes to kill her so he picks her up in his arms and runs like he did many years before. He tries to protect her when the helicopter shoots them.

He’s dying on the ground when he tells her “I want you to know, I’m proud of you.”

Something that every kid wants to hear their parents say to them.

“You’re my family. My daughter.” He says. He bops her nose, like he always did. El cries and takes his hands.

With his dying breath he begs her to understand, just that. He doesn’t beg for forgiveness, just understanding.

Eleven turns her head away. In the direction of Will, Jonathan and Mike.

The little girl that was tortured throughout her childhood, never turned bad. The little girl that could have had every excuse to choose herself, always put the others first. Her moral compass never wavered. The little girl that jumped at every touch, at every sound, learned how to love and how to be loved. She saved Will and she saved the world. Because there was one thing that he never taught her.

“A friend is someone you do anything for.”

One good lesson that she valued infinite times more than the thousands bad things he taught her.

All of her pain originated from him, he doesn’t deserve her giving him peace in death.

She drops his hands.

«goodbye papa.»

#ALL OF THIS WITH EL’S THEME IN THE BACKGROUND #I feel very emotional about this #with everything that happened it was kind of overshadowed. but.#I’m so proud of you El #the woman that you are #ily #el hopper #stranger things 4 #eleven #eleven hopper #martin brenner #dr Brenner #st4 #stranger things #mike wheeler #character study

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the-b-journal · 1 day

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Lady Miss Detty Episode 1 Truth Talking - The Essay 06 June 2024

Seriously? Another one?

I know, i know. I said i wasn't going to make a tumblr diary but i really sat and thought about it and realized - my friends know nothing about me. I mean sure, they know some things but not the stuff that really makes me me and its not even their fault, its mine.

All because i have this irrational fear that once i start telling other people about my interests (the fictional characters i like, the celebrities i'm currently obsessing over, my favorite artists or band), i'm afraid that they're gonna be taken from me. Logically, i'm aware that that doesn't make any sense. I know that, of course i do. Doesn't make it any less scary though.

So for so long, i just keep them to myself. I was gatekeeping them to my own friends. Don't get me wrong, for a while it's what worked for me. I was happy. I have my own thing. I have things that felt solely mine. But sometimes, when things are hard and i'm going through something rough, i wonder: how much does my friends really know me?

Do they know that i like to eat chocolate ice cream after every meal? Do they know that i'm currently hyper fixating on bread with scrambled eggs on top? If they randomly saw a picture of Rarity from my little pony, will they know that she's my favorite and remember me? Are they aware that i haven't read a straight romance book for roughly 5 years now because straight couples give me hives and i cannot bear to read anything about them?

It's depressing how most of the answers for the questions above are probably No. If i died today, they wouldn't know those things about me because i never told them. For some reason, the idea of my friends barely remembering anything about me when i died scares the shit out of me more than the idea of dying itself. Because how horrible is that??? I spent 21 years on this planet and the most they would probably remember about me is that i'm a tiny bixesual girl with a round face who likes to speak in english and loves barbie. That's it. If they even remember those things at all.

So i have decided that i cannot continue living like that. There has to be at least one person in my life that knows about these stuff. I would die happily knowing that there is at least one person that knows me better than anyone else. Someone who knows the inner workings of my mind, from my favorite childhood shows to my childhood trauma.

And i cannot think of anyone better to be that someone but my friend Angela. I am fully convinced that she is my soul sister because we are practically the same person. She gets me like no one does. I feel safe entrusting these information with her because i know that no matter what, she would never judge me. I mean as long as i'm not doing something outright illegal or immoral, then i know she's got my back. I love her to goddamn death.

Of course i couldn't just dump these information to her because she has a busy life of her own and she has things that gets her feeling lonely and sad too. So i thought that i would just dump these essays here and let her read them in her own time and pace. When she wants to, and not because i forced her to. There is nothing more in this world that i hate than feeling like i'm inconveniencing someone. So, Angela, you can totally not read these. Or just go back to them when you can. No pressure at all!

I think I've poured my heart enough for one sitting. I didn't expect this to be this long to be honest. Who knew i had this much to say? Anyway, i really hope that i will be able to keep this tumblr diary thing. I would be pissed at myself if i didn't. Like, really really pissed.

Mami, if you reached this point, THANK YOU! I love you so much!

Xoxo

#truth talking #my essays #<3

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biglisbonnews · 1 year

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We're Learning So Much From Pamela Anderson's New Memoir Pamela Anderson is retaking control of her own narrative and oh boy, what a wild ride of a narrative it is.Having already teased her new memoir and its corresponding Netflix docuseries early last year, Anderson's answer to Hulu's much-buzzed-about limited series Pam & Tommy has finally arrived. and the new tell-all is definitely living up to the hype. Covering everything from childhood trauma to her various high-profile relationships, Anderson's new memoir, Love, Pamela, is offering us new insight into the star's highly publicized life and generating a slew of ChatGPT-esque tabloid headlines in its wake. From watching the 2008 Obama inauguration on a blown-up mattress with Vivienne Westwood and Jurgen Teller to the time she found a crack pipe hidden in a Christmas tree by ex-husband Rick Salomon, the book is apparently rife with plenty of interesting anecdotes and celeb-riddled run-ins interspersed between bits of prose and free verse poetry. There are plenty of references to a variety of intellectual, literary and artistic influences ranging from James Baldwin to Angela Davis, Che Guevara, Diego Rivera, Ed Ruscha, Jungian psychoanalysts and more. Among some of the notable takeaways include Anderson's account of her relationship with Kid Rock, who had a pointed dislike of photographer David LaChapelle, not believing he "was really gay." The two were on the verge of moving in together until the romance came to a spectacular end at the premiere of Borat. Up until that point, Anderson had hidden her role from the rock star, which sees Sacha Baron Cohen's titular character hatch a plot to abduct the actress at a book signing in a ploy to get her to marry him. “I forgot about the part in the film that referenced the ‘sex tape,’" Anderson writes. "Bob [Kid Rock] stormed out, calling me a whore and worse. He was embarrassed, and his reaction was not thought through... After I chased Bob to his car, he peeled out, leaving me there alone. I turned back and apologized, then asked if anyone could give me a ride home. When I walked in, Bob was smashing a photo on the wall. He said he was sick of waking up to a picture of me and David LaChapelle every day. But it wasn’t me and David — it was Marilyn Monroe and Bert Stern.” Elsewhere in the memoir, Anderson remembers the early days of her whirlwind romance with Tommy Lee, admitting that she barely knew the Mötley Crüe drummer's name when they eloped in Mexico in 1995. “On the flight home, I asked him what our last name was, and he said, ‘Lee,'” she writes. “I said, ‘Oh, I thought it was Tommy Lee... something. Jones?'” As we all know, the honeymoon phase would, unfortunately, turn out to be short-lived, with their marriage being marred by numerous accounts of physical abuse, substance abuse, a suicide attempt involving vodka and a bottle of Advil, Lee's 1998 arrest and an infamous leaked sex tape. Anderson recently opened up about the trauma of having to revisit the sex tape in the trailer for her new Netflix series. “I blocked that stolen tape out of my life in order to survive, and now that it’s all coming up again, I feel sick,” she says, though she's clear to point out that she's "not the damsel in distress." "I put myself in crazy situations and (laughs) survived them," Anderson said. "Why can’t we be the heroes of our own life story?"Pamela Anderson's new memoir, Love, Pamela, and Netflix series, Pamela, a love story, are both out now.Photo via Getty/ FRANCOIS GUILLOT/ AFP https://www.papermag.com/pamela-anderson-memoir-2659336733.html

#Love pamela #Pamela a love story #Memoir #Tommy lee #Kid rock #Celebrity #Relationships #Borat #David lachapelle #Vivienne westwood #Jurgen teller #Pamela anderson #Matt Moen #PAPER

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army-of-mai-lovers · 3 years

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I’m not sure if you’ve answered this question before so apologies if you have! What’s the best movie you’ve seen?

anon this is such a nice ask thank you so much! the way I categorize movies is weird because there’s “best movie I’ve ever seen” like it’s the best technically and it’s written really well and it talks about important subjects and all that jazz, and then there’s “best movie I’ve ever seen” like it makes me feel good and I can look past any flaws because I just love it so much. So technically the best movie I’ve ever seen is Sorry to Bother You or Moonlight or Malcolm X or Get Out, which actually I’m planning to rewatch all of those soon bc Black History Month. StBY this really excellent allegorical critique of racial capitalism, and the layers of it are super interesting and weird and cool and the camera work and lighting and writing and acting are *amazing* and TESSA THOMPSON’S IN IT. And then I’m sure you’ve at least heard of Moonlight, but I know so many people who have *heard* of Moonlight and celebrated it winning the Oscar for best picture but haven’t actually watched it, or don’t think about it anymore, and honestly I really hate that. So, if you haven’t seen it, it’s a wonderful film, the acting and direction and writing is absolutely spectacular, and I’m honestly crying just thinking about it. Also, JANELLE MONAE’S IN IT. And then there’s Malcolm X, which honestly, all biopics should aspire to be that good. Spike Lee definitely has a style and sometimes that style gets to be a lot, but in this movie it actually works really well and draws you in. I’ll be honest about halfway through I just forgot I was watching a movie at all, and when the credits started rolling I couldn’t even process that Angela Bassett had been playing Betty Shabazz and that I hadn’t just been watching Betty Shabazz. If you’ve never seen Angela Bassett in anything but Black Panther, do yourself a favor, and watch Malcolm X.

Speaking of, honorable mentions to Black Panther, Waves, and Frida. I remember seeing Black Panther in theaters with my white cishet dude nerd friend and feeling like I had just been transported to another plane, and I looked over at him and asked him what he thought and he was like “yeah it was good.” And then we saw Infinity War a month later and he was like HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AMAZING. I and every other Black person I know except for my little sister saw Black Panther when it came out (even my mom, who hates movies) and it was just so affirming to see a cool big budget film from a franchise that I’ve been following since I was a kid release a movie that went beyond being a “race film” while still talking about issues that affect Black folks everywhere in a meaningful way. My brother made me watch Waves a few months ago (but I didn’t mind bc I will watch literally everything Sterling K. Brown is in) and it was technically beautiful and I loved it a lot, but also it was so violent and terrifying and I actually cannot watch it again for my own health so. Watch it at least once, if you’re the type of person who can rewatch Parasite then you’re the type of person who can watch this movie and be fine, I just can’t deal with violence like that. And Frida I had been meaning to watch and I finally sat down and did it like two months ago and it was absolutely fabulous. The director did a really good job blending the surrealistic elements with the more realistic ones, the acting was stellar, the story was told in such a moving way, cannot recommend enough.

As for movies that bring me enough comfort and joy that I overlook their flaws--Birds of Prey, 27 Dresses, Mamma Mia, The Devil Wears Prada, Legally Blonde, Brooklyn, What a Girl Wants, and Sydney White. This is not to say that any of these movies are bad (although the Amanda Bynes ones are bad, that’s just a fact). What I’m saying is this is what I watch for fun, when I want to turn my brain off. And that might seem weird if you know anything about Brooklyn bc it’s very much an Oscar bait prestige picture, but I’ve seen it like ten times at this point, I get the point, honestly I can’t even tell you why I like that movie so much but it’s the only movie I’ve ever watched twice in the same day, like I literally finished the movie and started it over in that moment, and I don’t understand why. What a Girl Wants, Sydney White, Legally Blonde, and most recently Birds of Prey are my breakup/romantic disappointment movies, as in I put them in the rotation when I get dumped or stood up or rejected. Birds of Prey and Legally Blonde are of course actually good movies that make me feel more confident and better about myself, hence why I like them and put them in the rotation when I’m at my lowest, and the Amanda Bynes movies are there because they remind me of happier times in my childhood (and in the case of What A Girl Wants, Colin Firth is there). Mamma Mia and The Devil Wears Prada are there mostly because I love Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried and Anne Hathaway (but mostly Meryl) and they are just excellent feel good films (also the cerulean scene? I die every time). And 27 Dresses is my favorite rom com of all time, because I relate to Jane and yes that does concern me, and it falls in the Brooklyn category of frequent rewatches (though not *quite* as frequently)

#longpost #sorry anon you probably weren't looking for something this involved i just cannot pick favorites #anons #replies #movie recs #caps tw

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since0202 · 3 years

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Chapter 33: Wedding

The day of the wedding was a blur for Grace. She had dutifully arrived by 7 a.m. to help Alice start coordinating the set up of the clearing just off of their house. Bella was to get there no later than 10 to start getting ready. Grace was in sweats and a cropped sweatshirt with her hair pulled up in a messy bun as she artfully wove fresh flowers together.

“Emmett! Come on, I said finish clearing the boulders not smash them to pieces and scattering broken rock across the dance floor.” Grace clucked making her way over.

“I’m trying to see if I can hit it just right so that it crumbles into a likeness of their faces! Like when you see the virgin Mary in toast,” Emmett said to Grace’s confusion.

“Well you’re about to be put on duck duty if you don’t knock it off and clean this up!” Grace scolded. Jasper was hovering around a nearby pond eyeing the swimming ducks with a pained look on his face. Whenever a duck got too close, he’d move ever so slightly and they’d bounce away from him squawking.

“I’m not dealing with ducks,” Emmett said under his breath. Grace turned to go back inside looking for more ribbon as a bustle of energy moved in and around the house. Alice had tasked each member of her family with some important task.

Grace went upstairs and into Alice’s studio as she pricked at the flowers and gave out a shriek when she looked up to find Edward there stock still and staring at Bella’s wedding dress.

“Jesus Edward!” Grace said placing a hand over her chest and taking a minute to recover. He looked over at her slightly amused and a little embarrassed before Grace continued, “What are you doing in here, isn’t that bad luck?” she pointed toward Bella’s dress.

“Only if she’s in it, I think,” He said quietly. His eyes returned the dress and Grace moved past him to open the craft drawers spilling over with ribbons. Once she found one she liked, she moved to sit at the makeup station Alice had set up for Bella to get ready at and set to work on the flowers.

“What are you making?” he asked after a second.

“Boutaneers,” Grace said with a needle in between her teeth still. “You gonna tell me why you’re really in here?”

Edward gave a knowing smirk, “So perceptive,” he said looking back to the dress before he spoke. “She’s going to want me to turn her after we get back from the honeymoon.” He heard Grace hold her breath, her fingers stalling over the flowers momentarily. “I don’t know how I’m going to be able to refuse her.”

Grace let out a long exhale and looked up at him, “It’s easy. Just say no.”

“But then Alice or Carlisle will do it,” Edward shook his head annoyed again.

“Then stop them,” Grace said simply, grumbling now.

“Were it so easy,” he said, his eyes trained on Grace now. “Would you help?”

“I have tried.She won’t listen to me. She’ll throw supernatural destiny in my face and call it square.”

“So what happens then? I change her and your pack comes after us for the rest of our lives?” Edward said disappointedly. “I told her forever and I meant it.”

“I don’t know what will happen, but you definitely won’t be welcome back to Forks and neither will Bella. Not anyone. But what other way is there?” Grace looked tired suddenly. “I’m not starting the war but I will put a stop to it if it starts.”

“You think we want a war?” Edward probed.

“No, but the pack will see it as nothing other than a gauntlet thrown. And without the treaty in place, they won’t have any reason not to come after you. It depends on how far Sam lets them go.”

“But you’ll help us, right?” Edward’s eyes were controlled. Grace looked up at him.

“She’s my family, which makes you my family, which probably makes me a traitor, so yes?” Grace narrowly avoided pricking her finger to the point of blood as she hissed. “But I highly doubt they’ll kill me. Who knows though.” Grace sighed dejectedly. “Happy returns.” she toasted one of the boutaneers and frowned. “I’m sorry, I’m trying.”

Edward nodded and looked back to the wedding dress before making his way past her. He paused and put a cold hand on her shoulder causing her to look up, “It’s okay. We’ll meet it as it comes….together,” he gave her a reassuring smile and left her in the room alone.

The ceremony was everything Grace had imagined. As she sat in the front row next to Renee and Charlie in her silvery blue satin dress, her hair spilling gorgeously down her back and pulled half up with soft wispy strands floating around her face, she couldn’t help but think that this is what forever must look like with someone you loved beyond words.

Bella stared so intently at Edward, at every vow he uttered and he returned the look. There was everything between and yet they were close, conquered immeasurable hurtles, fought death and destruction, and promised forever. Grace’s eyes glittered with tears as they were pronounced man and wife and with a soft, endearing, and terribly intimate kiss, they turned to smile adoringly at their loved ones.

Grace broke into loud cheers and claps, hearing Embry, Quil, and Seth crooning at the very back close to the treeline.

The night wore on easy from there, Grace and Bella happily discarding their high heels to go barefoot to the shock and laughter of Alice. They danced until their lungs hurt on the dance floor with Angela and Jessica and Mike and Eric. A farewell to their childhood in the most spectacularly noisy way possible.

After a few slow songs that she coerced Seth and then Embry to dance with her on, she collapsed into a chair fanning herself. The night had come upon them long ago and Grace shone like moonlight in her dress. She turned to Embry and Quil at her table and said “I’m going to get a drink do you guys want—” but she was cut off by their nervous looks.

“What? Don’t tell me you’re chickening out now! You made it through a whole ceremony and dance party with a bunch of vampires.” she said a smile moving across her face teasing them.

“Must be the punch,” Quil played off and took another swig. Grace shrugged and looked back to the dance floor. But her eyes saw the receding figures of Edward and Bella sneak around the back of the house. “Where are they going?”

Her question was short lived though because Seth was pulling her up onto the dance floor again, trying to spin and gleefully dip her to his heart’s content. Seth was a good head and half taller than her now, even though he was barely 15. They drew the stares and laughter of couples closest to them but Grace didn’t care. Just a week after her meeting with Ti’Hal, she was starting to feel better.

She didn’t lose her breath every other second, she was recasting with ease around the reservation, Sam had reinstated her back onto patrols, and she had even spent the afternoon baking with Emily just for fun. She was by no means whole, and the grief would often return at night when she was alone in bed, but she was standing on her own two feet again and it didn’t hurt so much to smile. She had her pack to thank for that. They wholeheartedly threw themselves into Grace’s path to help her along in her healing. No flickering thoughts or judgements were thrown her way and even Paul was helpful on rounds.

He had somewhat patched up with Rachel according to Quil, visiting her every weekend at UW after she went back in August. They were taking it slow, but something told Grace that it wouldn’t take long. Paul was happier by the day, a warm glow bouncing off of him as he ran through the forest and Grace breathed a sigh of relief at that. He needed to be happy so that she could be happy too. She just wasn’t sure how yet.

Once the song ended, Angela was by her side, “Hey have you seen Bella? We should take our shots in the photobooth now!” her cheeks were rosy and she’d definitely had some of the famous punch.

“Oh! I’ll grab her, I think I saw her and Edward heading around back to go smoooooch,” Grace said happily pulling out of Seth’s arms to his shock and protest.

Grace bounded off the dance floor and around the back of the house, humming to the song back in the crowd without realizing a little too late that she was indeed a party crasher.

“Hey, Bella! Ange wants to take pictures in the photobooth if you’re ready—” her mouth closed quick as she came to an abrupt halt.

In the dark, moonlit clearing, Bella was standing in front of none other than Jacob Black. His hair was longer but he had pulled it up into a loosely fitted bun to keep it out of his face. His features were hard, like sunwarmed stone and his frame was somehow broader, more sure, but shaking. Her eyes connected with his instantly and that familiar rush, the pang in her stomach that had been dormant roared to life. Her whole body tingled with anticipation and then fizzled quietly as Jake automatically took a step back from Bella, trying to quell the violent shaking in his body.

Grace was having a hard time reading his face, the emotions were changing so quickly: fear, desire, sadness, overwhelming joy, crushing pain, and finally, hard as stone anger.

“I...I’m sorry I didn’t know you were..” Grace breathed unable to take her eyes off of the man that she had loved for the past year, maybe longer, maybe in lifetimes before if she would let herself remember, “Busy.” she finally breathed taking a step up the hill. “Jacob.” She had to say his name, just once. A call for a hopeful return. Jake gave an imperceptible shake of the head and held his body tight.

“‘I came to see Bella.” His voice even laced with so much anger was music to her ears. She had to hold in a sigh of relief at finally hearing it again outside of her dreams.

“Right,” she said, finally pulling her gaze from Jake to Bella who was looking at her tearfully. “I’ll just…” She turned and hastily made her exit, but could clearly hear a strangled groan coming from Jacob as she left. Her heart was about to burst with how quickly it was hammering in her chest. Just as she came to the crest of the hill, she bumped into Edward who grasped onto her forearms to steady her.

“Are you alright?” he said worriedly.

“Yeah, I just….Jacob,” she shook her head and Edward looked over her down the hill. Something was clearly escalating now in the clearing from which she had come but she needed steady ground. Edward let go of her as she pushed past him and made her way toward Embry and Quil. They looked up at her with clear worry and she put a hand on each of their shoulders. Embry raised his hand to place over hers and she took deep, gulping breaths like she had been drowning. After a couple of minutes, she calmed her breathing and opened her eyes to look at them.

“You okay?” Quil said, clear worry in his eyes. He knew Jacob was near.

“Jacob’s back,” she breathed, a small smile pulling at the side of her mouth without her meaning to. Quil and Embry shot each other a look like she had truly lost it this time.

But it felt like coming up for air. Jacob returning didn’t hurt, it felt good, and the warmth that Ti’Hal had shot through her a week ago ratcheted up her body and nestled in her belly again.

Jacob came back.

Her eyes went wide and Quil stood up to brace her back. She took one startled look at Quil and drifted over to the photobooth where Jessica and Angela were giggling while holding a tray between them. Grace leaned in and took one of the shots from the tray throwing it back down her throat to squeals of delight from Angela. She took another one and downed that too making a ‘Blegh’ sound after and Jessica protested:

“Hey! That one was mine!” Grace sloppily wiped the back of her hand against her mouth.

“I’ll get you more. Don’t let Esme see,” Grace sneakily darted her eyes around the dance floor. Esme already knew but the pretense was important. It added to their glee hiding in the booth and taking shots.

“Where’s Bella?” Angela said through giggles.

“Couldn’t find her,” Grace said shortly squeezing in and pressing start on the photobooth to take 6 quick pictures. Just as the flashes started to pop, Bella peeked her head in with a quick ‘Hey,” her eyes still red rimmed.

The shots were hitting Grace’s stomach now and she looked at Bella delighted. They all returned with a joyful “Hey!” and pulled her into the tight booth, sitting Bella on their collective laps and clinking yet another round of shots together. Bella hesitantly took hers but one look at Grace and she downed it quickly.

“Boys,” Bella murmured, pulling a face as the flash went off again. Grace tightened her grip around Bella’s hand.

The cheers were deafening around her as she stood off to the side of the crowd for Bella and Edward’s send off to their honeymoon. Quil and Embry flanked her while Seth was standing out in front throwing rice and soaking in the wonder of the moment. As they came to the end, Bella reached for Grace and pulled her into her arms tightly.

“Have fun okay?” Grace said, the words getting choked as emotion swept through her.

“I will..” Bella whispered.

“And come back okay, Bells?” Grace pulled back from her and looked her in the eyes. “Come back.”

“I will, I promise,” she nodded and they swept each other into one more hug, before Grace released her and she went to say goodbye to her parents.

She turned to Quil and Embry just a tad wobbly still from the shots, “Ready?” They nodded and she called for Seth. As they moved into the treeline, Grace looked over her shoulder and sent a silent pleading thought out one more time to Bella, Please, please come back.

In the distance, she heard a wolf howl.

#twilight fanfiction #twilightfanfic #Twilight FanFic #twilight #new moon #eclipse #the cullens #edward cullen #bella swan #breaking dawn #smeyer #jacob black #jacobblackxoc #jacobxoc #jacobblack #the pack #chapter 33 #a monster lives here

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undefined5posts · 3 years

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Credit: Jordan J. Lloyd

I've been trying to dive deeper into politics, discover the genuine roots of our society, the origins of our beliefs, and the consequences of our economic system. It's a big, long, wide journey and through multiple sources such as articles, images, videos and multiple social media platforms, I've been trying to educate myself more on important subjects.

Communism, capitalism, libertarian, conservative, the left, the right, the history, the impact. It is scary to commit to everything because once you start, you simply cannot stop, once you start waking up your conscience about the horrible reality, the lies, the truths, you cannot put it back to sleep. You can't just ignore prejudice, especially when you're extremely conscious of it's omnipresence. I have continually tried to build my own opinions all while actively creating bullet point arguments in my mind because I just know that at some point I will have to defend my thinking, and I want to do it right.

Now, I am so far from being enlightened, I am a beginner and an amateur in all of those themes, but I am trying, which is the only way to start and grow.

So to tell you about my beliefs, I am a militant human rights activist, I believe in equal opportunities regardless of gender identity, sex, religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity, race and disability. This is a fact, not a belief, but the system was obviously not built to protect all people, its wasn't created to serve everyone equally but to grant a privilege to some and harm others. The current state of the world is not a slip, an accident or a misfunction of our brilliant system but a testament of it operating remarkably well. I believe that equity leads to equality, and I believe that we cannot "fix" methodologies that were immorally created with absolutely no honor whatsoever. I believe in reproductive rights, in legal, safe abortions for anybody who needs one. I believe in the decriminalization of marijuana. I believe that the death penalty is a despicable punition that should be banned as soon as possible. I believe in defunding the police and the military. I believe that it is a shame that I even have to talk about police brutality, I don't want to have to say that it is one of the most horrible things our world has originated, I feel extremely dense when I do because it seems like the most obvious certitude and I refuse to believe that this is a controversial statement. I believe that everything I have just stated, along with many more, isn't anything grand but the bare minimum, the bar is low, and yet, we still have the fight for basic human decency.

Humanity has become an option. We have normalized supporting people that represent everything wrong in this world under the name of tolerance. The left has never claimed to be tolerant towards hateful beings, We have never accepted homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism and sexism. We cannot, for exemple, accept nazis, as too much tolerance inevitably leads to intolerance. This picture explains it perfectly:

I consider myself a communist/ socialist. The two terms still confuse me a little, some say they are the same, some say they differ quite a bit. What I know is that socialism is the transitional period between capitalism and communism. At the end of the day, the final result and goal is a stateless, moneyless and clasless society that will provide to each his need.

Our capitalistic society has brainwashed us way more than you may think. It is the root of so many of our issues, the underground demon of our problems. Every idea, thought, belief, and misconception of ours were all affected by our current economic system. It has sold us the billionnaire dream which is one of the most toxic things capitalism has offered. We have looked up to billionaires for way too long, why are they so idolized? Most of them come from high upper class families that can easily afford to invest in their inventions and creations. After starting up their companies and occasionnaly stealing other's people ideas to ultimately get undeserved merit, they then can start to properly exploit their hardworking employees's labour. And for unlimited hours and a minimum wage which probably won't even suffice you to survive, you will have to either pick up more shifts or a second or even third job, especially if you have a family to support. All while the CEO barely does any of the work and gets all the praise and money. So no, they don't all come from really poor families and have built everything for nothing.

The worst thing is that we've been so gaslit and brainwashed that we're proud of our own exploitation, we are wired to think that to be successful we have to suffer, work 10 jobs we all hate, constantly pick up extra hours, have 2 hours of sleep, have no free time to do anything we love, waste our entire youth, be depressed our entire adulthood, to finally have a few pennies to spend when we're eighty. We so strongly believe that this is the only right way to be successful that I don't think many of us have dared to question it's authority, and even if we do, we quickly accept that this a truth, a fact we cannot change and this is just the way things are.

We have capitalized water, food, land, forests, oceans, space, and everything in betweeen. Money is social construct and we have deliberately let it take over our lives. To think about the wasted opportunities and the misery that we have to endure so others can enjoy life truly angers me.

Also, communism is not an ideology that has every actually taken place. Despite what they say, there was never actually a communist country. However, every nation that has attempted a socialist system, for exemple Burkina Faso, has thrived. But of course, once capitalist countries noticed that, they decided to murder it's leader. So in conclusion, the only reason socialism failed is because of capitalism and it's interventions.

"As President (1983-1987), Sankara initiated economic reforms that shifted his country away from dependence on foreign aid and reduced the privileges of government officials; he cut salaries, including his own, decreed that there would be no more flying in first class or driving Mercedes as standard issue vehicles for Ministers and other government workers. He led a modest lifestyle and did not personally amass material wealth. President Sankara encouraged self-sufficiency, including the use of local resources to build clinics, schools and other needed infrastructure. [...] President Sankara promoted land reform, childhood vaccination, tree planting, communal school building, and nation-wide literacy campaigns. He was committed to gender equity and women’s rights and was the first African leader to publicly recognize the AIDS pandemic as a threat to African countries. Although Sankara became somewhat more authoritarian during his Presidency, his ideas, and the possibility that they could spread, were viewed by many as posing the greatest threat. President Sankara was assassinated during a coup led by a French-backed politician, Blaise Compaoré, in October 1987. Compaoré served as the President of Burkina Faso from October 1987 through October 2014, when he himself was overthrown."

Via:https://africandevelopmentsuccesses.wordpress.com/2015/02/28/success-story-from-burkina-faso-thomas-sankaras-legacy/

I have been reading and watching some amazing human rights activists, notably Angela Davis, Malcolm X and James Baldwin. The people that were villainized, labeled as violent and radical, when every single word that came out of their mouhs were pure facts. They are probably some of the most eloquent people I have had the pleasure of hearing. Every sentence, every argument, every single detail made so much sense and opened my mind to so many new realizations. This is the perfect exemple of how the media tarnishes the reputation of wise black women and men. I would strongly advise you to research more about them.

"Socialism & communism are demonized in the west to the point of erasing influential individuals' socialist advocacy. Heres a short list of people you may not have known were socialists/ communists:

MLK

Albert Einstein

Nelson Mandela

Frida Kahlo

Tupac Shakur

Mark Twain

Malcom X

Oscar Wilde

Bertrand Russell

Hellen Keller

Pablo Picasso

George Orwell

Shia LaBeouf

John Lennon

Woody Guthrie

Socialism & communism are not dirty words. Some of the most brilliant minds of our history were socialists and communists. Embrace it." Via @sleepisocialist on twitter

So what else can I say, capitalism has ruined our society and the way we act and think. I know a lot of people refuse to support communism because they think it's too much of a perfect ideal utopian world for it to ever actually exist. And to that I say, first of all, so you agree, it is a wonderful theory, and second of all, a world without racism, sexism, homophobia or any kind or discrimination could also be perceived as "too ideal to actually exist", but does that mean I'm giving up on talking, educating myself and others, protesting and trying to build a better future? Absolutely not. This is the objective, it would be so dumb to think that we just couldn't achieve that so let's not even try.

I want to talk more in detail about communism, theory, human rights, etc... but I don't want to make this post any longer. I will however be posting more about it soon enough.

I know this is a little different than what I usually post, but I want to speak, tell you all my own opinions, I don't want to just repost activism related stuff. I'll continue to do that, but not exclusively. I know it won't get as many interactions as my other posts, but this is what I needed at some point in my life, and if I could make understanding some basic informations easier to some people, it'll already be a great accomplishment.

Thank you for reading.

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1221

Are you mad at your best friend right now? I have absolutely no reason to be angry with Angela now and certainly not since our last petty childhood fight in like, 2009.

Do you know anybody with a pet snake? I used to know somebody, but she’s since gone off the radar and idek if her pet snake would still be alive at this point.

Do you buy your underwear in a pack or seperately? I can go either way.

Have you ever made fun of anybody and later became their friend? OMG yesss this was the entire background of my friendship with Sofie. Though I wouldn’t say I made fun of her...I just found her really annoying at first, and quite ditzy, too. Then something just clicked and worked out along the way and we ended up being best friends for quite some time until we went our separate ways shortly after college life started.

Is the lamp on in the room you're in? Yes; it’s one of my favorite pieces in my room.

Do you have a pair of shoes that you can only wear with one or two outfits? Nah, not really. I mostly own sneakers, which can go with most things casual.

Is there any drink that you absolutely MUST drink cold? Most drinks, honestly; but mainly, I like my coffee and water cold.

Did you sleep in past noon today? I don’t think I’ve ever done that. The latest I’ve woken up is probably a little over 10.

Did your grandma ever tell you about her love life? Neither of them have.

Have you ever painted anybody's nails aside from your own? Possibly, but I no longer recall it.

Anything exciting happening in the month of September? I don’t think so. There are couple of birthdays in the family, but we don’t have plans for those days yet.

Who is your last missed call from? Some media or blogger I ignored because I don’t take calls.

When was the last time you ate Frosted Flakes? I can’t remember...I don’t really eat cereal.

Did you ever NOT want a substitute in a certain class? Yeah, for classes I hated, like math.

Do you ever donate to the less fortunate? Not regularly. When a homeless person or street child knocks on my car while waiting in traffic I do try to give them some money and/or snack, if I have one in my bag.

Did you buy an American flag after 9/11 to put on your car/house/ whatever? I was barely conscious in 2001. I am also not American.

Do you know any songs that are older than you are? ...Many?

Are there framed pictures of you anywhere in your house? Yeah we have some framed photos going up the staircase. I also have my Prep graduation portrait up in my room.

Compared to other people of your age would you be considered 'NORMAL'? Ugh.

Honestly, do you have any Hilary Duff on your MP3 player? I don’t have an MP3 player but I don’t think I ever had Hilary Duff on any of my music players.

Who is worst in your family about calling people back? Probably Nina as she hates making calls to begin with.

Do you like peanut M&M's? Nah, I hate nuts in my chocolate.

When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Safe to say well over a year ago. It’s not my snack of choice haha I never understood why I had to bite into my ice cream.

When was the last time you ate jelly beans? August 2019.

When was the last time you had hot chocolate? Around a month ago, I’d say? My mom fixes me a mug of hot choco every once in a while.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I haven’t.

What was the last song stuck in your head? I think it had been Rain by BTS.

Do you enjoy doing math? If I know how the math works and have the formulas memorized, I can definitely find it fun. Math had actually been pretty manageable for me in school, at least right until we reached trig and calc which were just bleck.

Do you think your mom has secrets she’s never told you? Oh without a doubt. I’m 200% sure everyone in the family has secrets we never share; we’re not open with each other.

Do you own anything you don’t want your parents to know about? Yes.

Do you pose in your pictures or just smile? I will pose if I’m comfortable but most of the time I just smile.

Are there any colors you will NOT wear? I avoid orange as much as possible.

Do you use scented soap in the shower? Nah, just a normal-scented one.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? That was never part of my plans, no.

Who was the last person you danced with? Enjoyable? Angela and Hans. I was drunk, so yes I had fun lol.

Do you like convertibles? I don’t really care for them, or for cars in general.

Have you ever yelled at the television? So many times, usually when a favorite singer or band is performing OR when I’m watching a really intense sports game - usually basketball or wrestling.

How many songs on your MP3 player are about sex? -

Do you like water parks? I think they are nasty for the most part.

Dark or light colored jeans? Light.

Can you take apart a computer and name all the parts? Nope.

Can you take apart a car and name all the parts? Even more so no.

Would your friends describe you as nerdy? I don’t think they would.

How many different colors are you wearing right now? Five.

Have you ever purchased a lotto ticket? Nope.

Are you double-jointed anywhere? I am not.

What is the longest amount of time you've spent playing Monopoly? You know, I’ve never even understood the rules of Monopoly...I’ve never bothered to play a round of it. Board games are usually too complicated for me lol.

Have you ever witnessed a tornado first-hand? Not a tornado, no. But I’ve experienced countless hurricanes and floods.

Did you play in the sand box as a kid? It was my favorite part of the playground and I was always exclusively found in a sandbox. I liked the texture (still do) + no one was ever there, so as a shy kid it worked out perfectly for me.

How about on the monkey bars? I tried it every now and then but I wasn’t a very active kid, so my arms would feel strained fairly quickly. It was never the first thing I’d run to whenever I got to go to the playground.

Have you ever made an alarm go off? I don’t think so.

Have you ever colored your eyebrows? Nope.

Did you ever own a pop-up book? Many of them, as a kid.

Have you ever honked at a biker? Yes but only whenever they swerve a little bit and are about to hit my car.

Have you ever taken another person's prescribed medication? No?

Have you ever played golf (not miniature golf)? No, I’ve played neither version. The sport doesn’t interest me.

Do you use gel in your hair? Only for formal events where I can’t afford to show up with my hair all frizzy.

Do you own a garden gnome? We don’t.

Are any of the rooms in your house painted blue? Nope, they’re all white. My parents’ room used to be green (came with the house), but it looked gross so it didn’t take long before they hired someone to paint the walls white.

Do you kick off your shoes as soon as you walk in the door? Yes. Actually, since the start of COVID, we’ve taken to removing our shoes even before we enter. We have a mat right by the front door where we can properly take off our shoes and head inside already barefoot.

Have you ever judged a book by its cover? Sometimes, but I don’t let it linger.

What is the most effective device at the gym? I don’t go to the gym.

Can you drive a stick shift? Hahahaha no, and I’m not so sure I’m ever willing to learn.

Have you ever picked on a substitute teacher? That’s mean and no, I haven’t.

How good are you at giving directions? Terrible. As much as possible I don’t do it and just refer the person asking to my nearest friend/companion.

When was the last time you looked out the window nearest you? Just a few minutes ago, actually. I put an arm out to check if it’s chilly outside since it rained all day today.

Have you ever got dressed with the windows open? Never. I make sure to pull down my blinds every time.

Have you ever given a foot massage? No.

Do public restrooms freak you out? They don’t freak me out per se but like I rarely go into them and use them, even before Covid. The idea of sharing a toilet with strangers is super gross lol and many of them don’t even put away their trash properly.

Have you ever taken a shower outside? I may have, but nothing sticks out.

Have you ever been to a junkyard? I don’t think so.

What do you think of Brad Pitt? I don’t really have an opinion...I loved his episode on Friends, but that’s it.

Have you ever watched the History Channel willingly? Yes, a few times.

Have you ever used pennies to pay for something that cost over 50 cents? I don’t speak US currency, but yeah there’ve been around 1-2 times I had to pay for something worth P50 with just coins. It’s always been embarrassing lol so I try to avoid it and be prepared with paper bills as much as I can.

If a place makes you pay for delivery - do you still tip the driver? Yes.

Without the aid of a cell phone - do you know your parents numbers by heart? Just my mom’s. Since my dad is always in and out of the country (at least until the pandemic), I’ve never gotten to memorize his number.

Can you name 10 former presidents? Arroyo, Macapagal, Aquino, another Aquino, Estrada, Ramos, Magsaysay, Quirino, Quezon, Roxas.

But if we’re talking about US presidents...Obama, Trump, Clinton, Roosevelt, another Roosevelt I believe, Nixon, Reagan, Carter, Lincoln, Washington. I hope I got them right hahaha.

Have you ever bought a gift for a teacher? Just as a kid.

Is your bedroom carpeted? Nope.

Right now, what color is your tongue? Pink.

When was the last time you had a Tootsie Pop? Years ago. I don’t have it a lot.

If you could get the cell phone of your choice - what would it be? iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Who is your favorite super hero? I don’t have any.

How about your favorite villain? I don’t really have any, either.

Do you know anybody who works at a bank? Possibly, but I can’t place a name right now.

What do you usually order from your favorite fast food place? That would be KFC, and I usually order either their Zinger or Twister. FUCK now I want to get KFC :((

Do you hand out candy to kids on Halloween? No, because none of them ever reach this part of the village. We never have to prepare any candy lol.

What perfume/cologne do you wear the most? Heat Rush.

Can you name all 7 dwarfs? I always miss out on one or two.

Does the early bird really catch the worm? Idk what this expression is.

#survey #surveys

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gayiconwaluigi · 5 years

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Here’s a big nebula brain theory I have about Mr. Robot. TW for child sexual assault, rape.

I’ve been thinking about Elliot and his simplistic internalized views of the world, his relationship to sex and sexuality, and the possibility he experienced sexual assault as a child.

1. Elliot views the world as women = need to be saved, men = bad.

Elliot treats every woman in his life as if she needs saving and that he is the one who needs to save her. Darlene. Angela. Carla. Krista. Men are usually the perpetrators in these circumstances. Ollie for Angela. Krista’s boyfriend. The men harassing Carla in prison. Elliot also targets men in his hacks. He hacked the coffee shop owner in he pilot. He most recently hacked Freddy the DA lawyer. Women are the victims, and men are bad.

This reads against everything we know about Elliot’s childhood. He trusted his father and hated his mother, so shouldn’t his view on men and women be different?

2. Elliot doesn’t have a traditional relationship with sex.

Elliot gets high and has sex. This proceeds to be the only time we know he has sex until season 4 with Olivia, who he has sex with in order to access her credentials. Does Elliot need to numb himself in order to experience sex like he did with Shayla?

3. Is Elliot straight?

Throughout the series, every major character has some sort of interaction with LGBTQ people or situations. Tyrell has sex with a man. Gideon is gay and is married. Dom is a lesbian. Darlene is bi. Whiterose is trans. Shayla and Angela makeout at a bar. Carla is trans. Leon brings up different types of porn Elliot might be interested in.

From my mental record of episodes, Elliot has not commented on anyone’s sexuality this entire series. He comments on everything with his inner monologue, but sexuality is absent, suspiciously absent. There is no, “Why is Tyrell so obsessed with me? Oh, shit, does Tyrell like me?” for example. This could be attributed to him being well-adjusted and having a healthy relationship with his masculinity, but as we know, that really is not the case.

He’s sought after connections with women over and over because to him women are safe. He can’t distinguish his romantic and platonic feelings as seen when he kissed Darlene. From everything we know, Elliot searches out the company of women. So why isn’t he more comfortable pursuing friendships with men (specifically white men)?

4. Elliot’s relationship with his father, Edward

From what we’ve been shown, Elliot seems to have had a great relationship with a loving father, but there are a few things that leave me scratching my head.

Edward asks for Elliot’s forgiveness for something at the movie theater right before he dies. We know Edward didn’t push Elliot out the window, so what is he asking forgiveness for? Then, there’s the fact that Elliot swung his baseball bat wildly at Edward before jumping out the window. Why was he so afraid of his dad in that moment? Why did another alter take over to protect him?

Then we take another look back at Edward and Elliot’s relationship. Edward told Elliot, his 8 year old son, he had cancer and nobody else, not even his wife. He expected his 8 year old son to shoulder that burden. He took Elliot, his 8 year old child, to see Pulp Fiction. Come on! And Shallow Grave? Then we look at the pictures of him and Elliot. There are so many, it’s excessive. I’m not saying its weird to have pictures with your child, but having so many pictures of just him and Elliot and not Darlene as well? It’s obvious Edward had a favorite child from what we’ve seen.

5. Was Elliot sexually assaulted as a child?

During season 3 in his interaction with Hard Andy, Andy tells Elliot to take his shirt off, and that makes him pissed. Then another tumblr user pointed out that Mohammed disappears when on the movie screen Doc tells Marty to take his shirt off.

Coupled with his discomfort with casual sex, his dislike with being casually touched, his general distrust of men, and his father’s inappropriate relationship with him (regardless of what you say, having your small child keep your secret is inappropriate), can we say that Edward Alderson assaulted Elliot?

The way we are introduced to Elliot is through blackmailing a pedophile. That’s our first idea of him as a character. He then lies to Krista’s boyfriend that he slept with an underage girl, and then the subject is brought up again with Freddy in season 4.

Finally, there’s Elliot’s child alter. He is constantly being followed and protected by his mother. That alter knows something about Elliot’s past that he doesn’t himself, but what is it?

Thank you for coming to my TED-Talk.

#mr robot #elliot alderson #mr robot speculation #edward alderson

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dxxtruction · 4 years

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Logic-b0mb.Hc

Mr. Robot: Season 2 episode 5

Break down / Character Analysis / (No hc section but I could add one)

(This episode is an alright one sandwiched between two great ones but involves a lot of important plot development. Quite literally its setting things up like planting the bombs for later.)

Hacking the FBI.

Elliot’s really feeling the rush because he’s been itching for this a while. He’s been avoiding getting to a terminal because he’s been dealing with getting rid of Robot, and I feel like he’s also on alert about Ray so really didn’t feel up to helping him until it became necessary. (He’s on alert about pretty much everyone though that’s just how hypervigilance is, and I wouldn’t go around trusting just anyone in prison on top of that.)

Hacking makes him feel powerful and in control, something he’s expressed he lacks feeling in his every day life (to Krista). (Someone made a post about this desire for control stemming from Elliots abuse where he lacked that control and like I gotta agree.)

“The programmatic expression of my will. I live for this shit.” (I really like this quote)

The irony of hacking the FBI on a computer within a prison. The flip side is Ray’s website is also being worked on from inside a prison. I’m not sure if this stands to symbolize something about American society and the prison system or not. On one hand he’s getting rid of a threat for personal reasons and on the other hand he’s thinking of exposing one for moral reasons. He’s able to control his own hack, but when it comes to dealing with Ray he isn’t the one in charge.

List of hacking steps he gives:

Step 1. Identify the target and it’s flaws, there are always flaws.

Step 2. Build malware and prepare an attack.

Step 3. A reverse shell two stage exploit.

Step 4. Write the script.

Step 5. Launch the attack.

Elliots first hack was a local library (WashingtonTownship Public Library) and he did this at age 11, the only thing he did was look around their database but he mentions feeling powerful. (He’s been hacking for a good 17 years so it must have been a great feeling.) (He started hacking 3 years after his dad died, awful as he is Elliot began learning his way around computers from him.) (I wonder if/when Darlene got involved in hacking with Elliot.) (To bounce off that I’d love to read/write a fic about the first hack they did together)

Elliot always writes his own script, that’s how he learned. It would be the best way to ensure the most control on the outcomes to write it yourself given you know what your doing and Elliot most certainly does. (If we remember back to the hack to break Vera out of prison he mentioned he never makes mistakes in his code). (Seems impossible tbh but this is fiction we gotta remember that.)

The hack:

Elliot is using a zero day exploit to attack with Malware he’s coding. How I’m understood this is a process used to get data though unknown vulnerabilities (in his case from the android phones).

He needs a way to implement the malware. He’ll be using a reverse shell which joins communications with the target and attacker machines. (His Fem2cell to the FBI android network.) Two stage I think refers to additional malware he’s put in to corrupt everything upon discovery. (He can get in and erase evidence, and if he’s discovered everything gets corrupted)

This will make him own Every Android phone of FBI agents in E-corp. Plus Evil corps network. (Because they’re in the same building?)

(Seen in message to Darlene) FTP - file transfer protocol (he’s handing over his scripts to Darlene so she can launch the attack on her end.)

Elliot pictures himself working in the dark (or maybe that’s just us) but its actually now daytime so several hours have past. (if we assume that we really did arrive in Rays office at night last episode which feels true.)

Darlene breaks into Angela’s

Darlene and Angela haven’t seen each other in five weeks. (They both had a lot on their plate to be fair. Before this they were meeting at least once a week for dance I assume.)

Darlene is creating a DMG file on Angela’s laptop (Darlene doesn’t own a MacBook) (Angela-image.dmg) when she comes in but its not why Darlene is there. (DMG file types hold apps for Mac but if you’re making your own files you can encrypt other things into the file besides apps. DMG’s also can be password protected. I don’t recall if we ever know whats in the file but I wonder if this was the completed FTP. Or just Darlene messing around.)

Darlene tells Angela that Elliot covered for her tracks and involvement in 5/9.

“Why didn’t he say anything?”

(“Because that’s what he does.”)

He doesn’t let people know when he’s helping them or ask for their permission (to Elliot not saying anything = low risk of others lashing out or getting hurt)(Stems from childhood). He just does because its whats good to do to ensure people he cares for are protected. (Those are his principles). Another more obvious read could be he just doesn’t tell people things, Elliot has a hard time being open with people. Angela and Elliot haven’t really been all that close for a while now as well if you remember. (I feel there was a point in time he did share important things with her.)

Darlene wants to use her in order to plant the femtocell in the FBI headquarters located at e-corp because Angela has access to the building. She uses Elliot helping her as leverage because she gets that Angela wouldn’t just do it without reason to. (And Angela still refuses because as things appear to stand she’s already been cleared and doesn’t want to get reinvolved.) (She has every reason to see hacking he FBI as super risky too.)

Darlene lets her off. (but this doesn’t stop her from still trying)

Pre-China

FBI has found the RasberryPi at Steal (mountain) Valley. (This is later said to be a dead lead because it becomes tampered evidence)

We are lead through the FBI work environment, and its mentioned security is lax. There’s a guy on the floor who shouldn’t be. (This is here to show that even if Angela were to get on this floor she has a chance of being stopped (which eventually does happen.) (Plant and payoff)

Dom mentions she doesn’t dream. (She has insomnia. This could be stemming from her job which is stressful and would make anyone become highly alert, this case is probably always on her mind as well. And/or feelings of alienation from lost connectivity to others which she fills by staying up all night chatting, or other factors we’re never quite made aware of.) (I think this is meant to contrast with the previous episodes statements on dreaming. Dom seems to know what future she’s fighting for, but its her job to. You can’t necessarily “dream” when you already know/are told what needs to be done.) (Dom is definitely a character who represents alienation.) (I don’t wanna assume what Esmail was going for but Marx's theory of alienation describes the estrangement of people from who they are as a consequence of living in a class society. (Estrangement from self and identity.(this comes up later)) Capitalist alienation has consequences that separate us from our work building identity around our jobs rather than around ourselves.)

We see Mobley on the co-workers laptop. (I assume this is the information collected from the end of the world party)

There was an E-mail sent out to tell Dom and her partner on the case that they are going to China with Santiago (with a few other agents who are all pricks)

Darlene visits.

“The she-devil” (The guard Elliot is imagining to be his Mom) isn’t around, meaning the guard is gone for some reason?

Darlene fills her brother in on how things are moving forward. She tries to get the reluctant Elliot on board with getting Angela involved because it really is the only option. Darlene feels like Elliot talking to her would convince her to change her mind. (And Robot agrees because he’s willing to risk it to protect them from the FBI) (I may be on Darlene and Robot’s side here, though I do get Elliots POV he’s not seeing how there really isn’t going to be another way in.)

Elliot wants Angela far away from all of this. He definitely still cares about her a lot and would feel guilty if anything happened to her. (He already feels guilty about everything and is trying not to let it blow up into anything worse)(Yet in doing do this leads to worse outcomes later)(He’s unable to risk her, but still understands getting into the FBI is a priority. “Find another way.”) (throughout this season and the next season we see Elliot slides away from plans as a means of deescalating what he sees as things that will lead to terrible outcomes, effectively trying to abandon and undo them.) (Mr Robot and him have continuous conflict on this.)

China (Dom and Whiterose)

The FBI is in China to discuss needing access with Minister Zhang (Whiterose) (I’m gonna mostly use Zhang here for contextual purposes) (The Chinese Minister of State Security)

In the meeting Dom speaks up about needing access to what China has on the Dark Army (In a previous shot she sees people in the Dark Army masks at the airport.) (We’re not sure how much intel the FBI have on DA. They are the worlds most dangerous hacker group and thats knowledge to anyone who knows about them. The FBI has to have at least some things about them on file, like maybe those masks.) (Dom is suspecting Dark Army and F-society could have a connection as affiliate hacker groups) (It’s set up to imply she saw those guys in the airport and It got her thinking which is why she jumps in to say something.)

This episode deals with the idea power a lot (the lack of, gaining of, and having of power). How Whiterose is framed in scenes indicates a sense of power and control (even to some extent framing her as godlike). She’s revealed to maintain a high ranking government position, while also heading the dark army. It’s in her best interests to comply with he FBI, and shows no concern for her involvement. She knows she has the upper-hand.

Party at the Ministers house (Monday night)

Dom discovers the clock hallway, when Zhang discovers her. (I think she peaked Whiterose’s interests in the meeting and this just solidifies it) (side-note: I don’t think Dom really needed to pee all too bad she just wanted and excuse to get away from the party.)

She discusses the clock which looks like the one her parents have then introduces who she is to Zhang. (Can’t tell if Dom lied about that anecdote to not feel intrusive or if Whiterose was lied to. If Dom lied, then it’s a nice play because Whiterose ends up lying about having a sister later.)

Dom (who is naturally curious) then asks what the clocks are about. and we get this:

“Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player the struts and frets his hour upon the stage. And then is heard no more”

(“You’ve surrounded yourself with the constant reminder of mortality?”)

“- …As each second passes I push myself to keep moving.”

(I can see Whiterose’s obsession with time stemming from her confrontation of mortality, the traumatic experiences of her former lover. Whiterose sees time as her enemy in the race to complete her plans. Yet she also finds her ways of controlling it making it seem like she is the master of it. This is sort of the mask she wears and she wears it well. (Her plans ????)

Then she asks why Dom is in the FBI

“I was. I am disgusted by the selfish brutality of the world, but at the same time I am utterly fascinated by it.” (This line gives insight into how Dom sees the world and other people. There’s this one Florence Nightingale quote which calls out the selfish brutality on the part of the superior (those in power) as part of the true horror of war.)

Something about this discussion make Whiterose open up to Dom enough to show an artwork in her office about the anxiety within losing ones identity. (Identity has a lot of meaning to Whiterose. She lives a double life, a large part of her own identity is hidden from the world in several ways. Whiterose is alienated from herself in the sense the she can’t be herself to the world.)

“How is it that revolution can create such beautiful art yet you and I are tracking revolutionaries who’ve created nothing but turmoil?” (Another bomb planted… if she only knew.)

Whiterose pressed so Dom reveals the personal reason for joining the FBI deals with her breakup after a proposal in her final semester of law school, one thing leading to another she’s now an FBI agent. (I think Whiterose picks up that Dom gay af by the way she hides who her old flame’s gender is.) (anyway Whiterose ends up having some sort of reaction to this and shows Dom her dresses then lies about having a sister, which Dom picks up as a lie.)

Whiterose inquires about what if 5/9 never happened, mentions alternate universes, she is moved by the idea of what ifs for things to be different. Whiterose gets flustered about this showing some semblance of vulnerability, and the clocks go off on the hour. (This idea of alternate realities is planted here and plays a role into what her project may be, but we’re never quite sure. At the end of S4 when we’re in the headspace it seems her machine worked and we did enter a new reality.)

The Dark Army shoot out in China kills everyone but Dom and Santiago. (RIP)

In the court with Ray

The basketball court is fairly empty around this time but hot Carla is there in her usual spot. (Sidenote: I love her)

Elliot still has to help Ray (its the conditions he has to meet for letting him have access to a terminal)

Robot is antsy and feels this wastes time, that they need to be getting in touch with Angela. (But of course Elliot ignores him because he’s against Angela getting involved.)

To help Ray he says needs administrative access from the old IT guy. IT guy comes. Elliot finds out the guy knows what he’s doing, raising his suspicions. So he starts putting things together that theirs something fishy as to why Ray came to him. IT guy wants to just move off the subject but Elliot doesn’t have time to play games. This chatting back and forth between them is fairly funny, especially when robot just key smashes and Elliot has to back space it. The IT guy eventually yields and shows Elliot the site, which pretty much deals transactions in every type of crime including trafficking.

Later in Elliots cell he’s trying to piece together what to do about Ray, he wonders whether he is innocent or guilty. Robot wants to move on but Elliot can’t.

“You know, but your going to ignore it. You wanna know why? Because thats what we do.” (“That’s not what I do.”)

Robot is always weighing the risks at every possible turn of events, always weighing out he 1’s from the 0’s. He does it to protect them of course, but sometimes these decisions are selfish. While it may do well to ignore for their safety, the risks of not doing anything could ruin Elliots sense of morality. (Not that robot can help things are already going to blow up on them anyway). Elliot shows us he wants to act, because he’d feel sick if he knowingly enabled the things that happen on that site (mainly concerned about the people being trafficked). He’s one to take down people who are bad even if there are risks involved. It’s that part of him is driven by his desire to make a better and safer world for the host even if he’s unaware of it. I do find it curious that Robot insinuates a “we” here on what they do because MM has yet to ignore something like this before. (A hint or just a throw away plea to get him to stop?)

Logic bomb- a set of instructions secretly incorporated into a program so that if a particular condition is satisfied (or a set time occurs) they will be carried out, usually with harmful effects.

(.HC encrypted file type that needs password access)

Elliots taken by Rays goons (I cry and he cries for help)

Joanna

Joanna meets with this guys she’s paying and he confesses about his paranoia with the FBI being on his case … So she kills him. (The Wellick’s are … something. I am disgusted by the selfish brutality. Yet I guess violence is often a form of self preservation especially in this shows logic so like I get it. Some people hack others attack.)

He mentions protecting some guy in a hoodie at this meeting. (This says Joanna definitely pieced together that this tech Tyrell kept mentioning is the mysterious “Ollie” who came by her house.)

The way she just orders her security guard to kill a man and this is the option she went to, Joanna does not mess. Honestly can’t even describe all the dynamics at play here between Tyrell ,“Tyrell”, the body guard, Joanna, and Joanna’s new lover. Things are being planted for Joanna needing to find where Tyrell is (and Elliot’s been asking about the same).(Also the media really eats up this Tyrell situation and Joanna becomes an infamous celebrity for it.) (Everyone wants to know where Tyrell is.)

Joanna’s orders were to inject succinylcholine (induces paralysis) before shooting him. She sees this as giving the man time to process his final moments. “Letting him die with answers. Otherwise we’re nothing but ruthless murders.” She says this all while feeding her baby.

Angela meets with Ollie Then with Elliot Then finally with Darlene.

Angela finds out Ollie has been brought in for FBI questioning. He confessed about “the CD man” to the FBI and they’ve drawn up a sketch of him (Cisco).

This scares Angela enough to start considering compliance with Darlene. It eventually leads her to a decision based on what the best possible outcome could be.

Angela makes an attempt to reach out to Elliot before actually moving forward with her decision. This shows the contrast between them. What Angela does is make sure things are okay (at least for Elliot), though she may act separately from how he feels. By this point Angela has run down her options and decides her best option is to just plant the femtocell “Either I act or I wait to get caught.”

Elliot doesn’t say much after his initial push back, he doesn’t want to put Angela at any risk but can’t do anything about it if she’s already made her decision. Her logic also makes sense, it could even be riskier if she did nothing.

The topic then changes. Angela’s still wondering why Elliot’s been different, why he’s been pushing her away.

Instead of being direct Elliot mentions their conversation on the train platform the day he was found in he cemetery. Angela gets a bit uncomfortable, there’s lingering worries about Elliot.

“You told me to take care of myself. I wanted to be okay. I wanted to s-stop seeing him before I talked to you again.”

“And”

“And my dead father’s standing behind you right now.”

This opens up discussion again about the idea of annihilation, which was touched on in the previous episode. It seems in some part, but not entirely, that Elliot wants to stop seeing Mr Robot in order to feel like he’s improved himself, that he’s become better. That would be his way of taking care of himself. Obviously these desires turn up empty handed because there’s no getting rid of Robot. He’s still conflicting with him, and though that plot mostly takes a step back in this episode it is shown in what ways they’re still ending up disagreeing.

“I could be a friend. Someone to talk to. Someone who cares about you. Who knows maybe that will help.” waitfortheq.ogg starts playing when she says this, it’s the theme associated with Shayla so I cry. It’s a song that carries like a special feeling of safety, a comfort in knowing that your here with someone who’s a friend, and while still being fairly somber. Elliot (and I as well) seems to agree this could help because he starts asking about qwerty and they actually smile and laugh. (My heart). I like to imagine they talked for a while after this and that things ended well. Despite them still being in disagreement by the end of it, Angela feels more confident in her decision now.

Meanwhile at F-society HQ: D.C Op is a go. #Droptheballs. This is right before Angela gets there.

Angela takes a secure route to meet with Darlene at HQ to get the tower from her in order plant the femtocell. Something to maybe note is Angela seems to only start acting once she had selfish reasons to doing so.

#mr robot #Logic-b0mb.Hc #last time i posted it didn't show in the tags lol #these breakdowns are super self indulgent I forget that I like doing shit like this #Elliot and Angela have a moment where they both smile in this episode and i think thats it nothing else happens in the other 45 minutes #the conclusions i draw can be inaccurate sometimes and thats okay #these aren't intended to be formal in any way

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thedaughterspost-blog · 4 years

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Chapter 1

Hi my name is Amanda (Due to Covid-19) I figured this is the time to truly self reflect and get to know myself better. I think it is best that I start at the beginning of my life that of which will help me solve this puzzle of misery and sadness. This short story I am writing no need to cretic as I don’t know how a real book is written and it is 2020 I can write how ever I want thank you…now please continue to read below.

Once upon a time haha no from what I remember as a child …..or from what I was told. My mother had left Jamaica to come to Canada to have a better life. That of which my older sister 10 years apart would always remind me that she was left behind. So in between all that my mother lived at various places but when I was born we were grounded in Etobicoke East bourne, that was when my story began in the basement of my godparents house. So where is my father you may be wondering? I am assuming he is in Jamaica still but my sister was now up in Canada considering she was the one who named me Amanda. You may ask how did I get that name well being on the playground my sister said that was the name she liked…Yes some white girls name how funny and very suiting for my life. But being a baby at this time I don’t have much memory because what I remember next was us living at Kipling.

Now in our apartment in Kipling(Toronto) my sister said she always had to drop me off to school and basically take care of me… she would constantly complain … and apparently I never ate much I wish that was still the case and my mom would always ask my sister did Amanda eat ! I guess that was annoying to my sister as I know I was the favourite child haha. But from those Junior kindergarten years I vaguely remember and I only have photos. But hey I may be 2 or 3 at this point I’m not doing the math… because then my dad is in the picture…and all is great I guess. In my little world all I can see are my dolls and my blanket houses that I would make. I didn’t play with my sister much my childhood was my imagination aka just toys.

But then I am a little older I have to go to grade one now…i remember having a crush on my neighbour who was in my class and at the time our school was brand new and was right beside our building so literally it was a quick walk home. But there was Angela no offence to anyone but she was a fat lady who took care of kids after school…and it is one of those places that your parent probably knew this was a horrible place but had no choice. I remember it being dark and hot heavy air I can’t recall how long I was there for but felt like hours basically had to wait for my sister to come home from high school. This lady also lived down the hall from us so I get the convenience for my mother. I remember getting excited every time that door was opened knowing now how dogs feel.

So I guess this is where it starts to get real for me subconsciously , perhaps he saw something on tv because one of the little boys who was there with me basically kissed me or tried to act something out that he saw. It wasn’t anything extreme but I knew I felt that it was wrong. These things happen to us as kids right I’m thinking why am I so hard on myself for something I could not for-see. Why do I still carry that around with me when It wasn’t my fault , but that was probably the day I hated Angelas place. But needless to say I don’t think I was there for too long.

Most of all guys I loved my mother sooooo freaking much ! Then everything happened so fast.

#daugthers #mother #sister #covid19 #greif #sadness #novel writing #love #childhood #short story

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emilybrocar · 5 years

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The Hate U Give

Sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. There are moments in life when it feels like the odds are stacked against you, when it feels like nothing you do makes a difference. I’ve had those days and it’s hard not to feel sorry for yourself or to complain about things never going your way. I grew up with lots of opportunities for a good education, plenty of tools to get me ahead in life, and a very cushioned view of the world. It took me awhile to realize that the color of my skin supplied me with those things. My neighbor and very first friend had a white mother and a black father, it never crossed my mind that people would look at her differently than the way they looked at me. Yet people did look at her differently and they treated her differently and it took me awhile to realize that, too. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that my bad days could never compare to her bad days. That when we got our first jobs my curly hair was perfectly acceptable, while hers was “unruly and unprofessional”. That when we went shopping together, the department store employees would watch her every move and never look my way. These discrepancies became so painfully obvious the older that we got, it didn’t matter that we lived on the same street in the same nice neighborhood or that we liked the same TV shows and the same music. She was treated differently because of the color of her skin. My father was raised in a white, southern family and he said some troubling things about race when I was growing up. It is because of him that I had to unlearn some things as I got older, I had to remind myself that I had been taught a single way of understanding certain people. I think Audre Lorde described this best when she said, “For we have, built into all of us, old blueprints of expectation and response, old structures of oppression, and these must be altered at the same time as we alter the living conditions which are a result of these structures.”

I also believe that Angie Thomas describes our society well in her novel, The Hate U Give. Thomas paints a painfully accurate picture of today’s society and the racism that is alive and well in it. The main character, Starr Amara Carter, is a 16 year old black girl who witnesses her childhood friend murdered by a police officer when he is unarmed and posing no threat. The book follows Starr’s journey of pain and healing while she attempts to have the officer who murdered Khalil indicted. Thomas highlights Starr’s struggle of living in a predominantly black community called Garden Heights, while attending a private school on the other side of town with mostly white students. The reader experiences what Starr refers to as her the two versions of herself, she has to be careful of the language she uses at school versus the way she speaks around her family and people from Garden Heights. Thomas also gives the reader a clear view of systematic oppression when Khalil is accused of being a drug dealer and the truth behind his actions becomes clear. The media attempts to portray Khalil as dangerous but his family was struggling to put food on the table and his mother was dealing with addiction. She owed King, the biggest drug dealer in Garden Heights, quite a bit of money. In order to pay off her debt and protect her, Khalil begins to sell drugs for King but the media and the officer’s family chose to latch onto the abridged version of Khalil’s story. Claiming he was just another violent drug dealer in an attempt to dehumanize him. In Chimananda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk, she discusses what she calls “the danger of a single story”. Adichie argues that when something or someone is characterized based on a single story there is a risk of misunderstanding altogether. Just as my father tried to tell me a single story about people that didn’t look like us, the media coverage about Khalil’s murder tried to tell a single story about his life. The Hate U Give may be a work of fiction but its plot happens far too often in real life.

Throughout the book, Starr struggles with more than just Khalil’s murder. She is wracked with guilt for not having been there for Khalil when he turned to selling drugs in order to feed his family and keep his mom safe. She believes she isn’t doing enough for Khalil after his death, even after speaking out and testifying against the officer. Starr goes before a grand jury and tells the truth about the night Khalil was shot, she makes sure they know that he was not a threat and that he was never violent with the officer. After waiting weeks for the decision, the jury decides not to indict the officer and Starr feels like everything she went through was for nothing. It is a sad reality that has happened many times in recent years; black people are killed by police officers or die in their custody and the white officers receive nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Eric Garner, Tamir Rice, Sandra Bland, Rekia Boyd, Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, and so many more have been killed at the hands of police officers. A New York Times article gives 15 examples since 2016 of police related deaths and the sentence for the officer involved almost always end without a conviction. There is a moment in The Hate U Give when Starr is blaming herself for the police officer being arrested. Riots have broken out in Garden Heights and Starr feels like it’s her fault for saying something wrong when she gave her statement. Her mom, Lisa Carter, tells her “sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.”

In parting, I will leave you with this quote from the magnificent Angela Davis:

#TheHateUGive

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inthedrift · 5 years

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Hansen Family Feels

So I have a lot of Hansen Family feels, mostly Chuck Hansen Feels, let's be honest, but I've made a load of notes on posts the past few weeks that I feel would benefit from being put into a longer thing and just analyse all these FEELS and try and form them into something resembling sanity.

I'm gonna use some pictures, some quotes and some gif sets/posts to help explain where either the thoughts came from or help highlight the example.

2 heads up if you do click on this

I made myself cry writing this

It’s 2.9K

So Chuck is introduced as the cocky and competent young guy like he wants people to know he's fucking fantastic at what he does "That's a new record" you wouldn't say that if you didn't feel like you had something to prove.

Because Chuck grew up watching his father and the others during the highlights of the war, watching all the pilots being fawned over, they had interviews and parades and bloody sportswear contracts and people adored them and Chuck.

Chuck didn't get into a jaeger until after Knifehead, when the public and the government had become disillusioned with the pilots and the programme and Chuck who hadn't just wanted to get into a jaeger to avenge his mum, but because he wanted to be the best and here he is. Piloting the best jaeger ever made and no one seems to care.

So Chuck had more than likely idolised the Beckets - hell he has that jacket and Herc isn't exactly the sort of bloke that would wear one of those jackets so 100% its copying Becket boys. And then not only does Raleigh bail and go build a bloody wall for 5 years but it was their failure that was like a nail in the coffin and so I think Chuck's anger isn't just that Raleigh isn't good enough. It's that he holds Raleigh responsible for taking that opportunity away.

But I'm not saying that Chuck is fame hungry, no. I'm saying that he was brought up constantly in his father's shadow and their relationship is rocky and I'm guessing that Chuck didn't get a lot of praise or Herc being proud of him and that's what he wants he wants to feel that someone is proud of him, that someone appreciates him.

So queue Raleigh walking into the Shatterdome and Herc sees them and just shoots a stern "Wait here" at Chuck before going over and greeting Raleigh

And Herc obviously respects Raleigh and he's all smiles and friendly and discussing the "good ol' days" and is sincere in his apology to Raleigh about Yancy being dead and like we can probably assume that he has never either congratulated Chuck on a good run or talked about his mum as their both too emotionally constipated and its not really a shock that Chuck is pissed before they even start

And then you have the cafeteria scene, and Herc is all warm smiles and physical contact with Raleigh - and honestly except for holding Chuck back or shaking him off when do we actually see Herc and Chuck touch?

And Herc is then feeding Raleigh - with Chuck's food because like Chuck has nothing in front of him and Rals wasn't even in the mess when Herc obviously went and got the food and Chuck is understandably pissed. Because Herc is treating Raleigh like a son and that's Chuck's dad, it should be him that gets that attention and that affection.

He shouldn't have to share that and why doesn't Herc treat him like this and that will just open up all those wounds that have been there probably since before his mum died, are just being poked and prodded at.

Chuck wants that love from Herc but he has no clue how to get it and I think on a level that he maybe doesn't feel he deserves it, because obviously Herc is more than willing to give that sort of affection out to blokes who run away and hide for 5 years but he won't give it to his only son. I think Chuck maybe thinks he's too far gone to be worthy of that and that makes him hold the anger closer because that's something that Herc can't ignore or take away from him, can't give that away to someone else.

So it's no wonder he wants to fight Raleigh, so would I. Chuck has always felt that if he just fought harder, fought better, was better then Herc would love him, but then Raleigh has come in a broken failure and Herc treats him so much better and Chuck can't cope with that because clearly its not about him not being a good enough ranger.

It's about him not being a good enough person, not being a good enough son, and Herc only cements that fact in the deleted scene. (x)

Because Herc tells him exactly that. That he's a great ranger but that means nothing because he isn't good. And the way Chuck leans back and the look he gives Herc, tells you so much. Because how dare he.

Chuck lost his mother at 10, and when he needed a parent the most Herc wasn't there and he was left to jaeger techs and machines for so long. Watching this idolised version of his dad on a tv and only experiencing the vague presence of a shell of that man.

And then he was shoved into a jaeger at 16, he never had a childhood and then not only did he have to grow up way quicker than he should have after scissure but then he had to again and this time he got to see himself through the funhouse mirror that is his dads memories in the drift. I'd put money on them being regret and pain and anguish and constantly associating Chuck with the loss of Angela and fuck that's gonna mess a kid up.

And Chuck takes those shots at Herc, says "you didn't raise me to be anything" and "we don't even need to speak at all" because he wants to hurt him, just like he's been hurt. Because Herc is just needling that wound, that Raleigh Becket is better than Chuck will ever be because he's 'good' and Chuck is just that 10 year old boy inside, full of hurt and anger.

And Herc knows all of this, because the drift goes both ways and he knows how hurt and angry Chuck is, but they're both so stubborn and don't know how to express these things that all they do is hurt each other more.

So now we come to the fight with Leatherback and Chuck is so quick to rush over to Herc and help him up and yeah sure he's saying "Get up Old Man" but it's not a dig at that point, it's a way to hide his fear, because Herc hit fucking hard. Like he could have died in that hit and Chuck is scared, he's stuck in a giant metal death trap with a giant monster outside and he nearly lost his dad.

So Chuck tries to help him up and Herc shakes him off (not a brilliant screenshot it's dark and happens hella quick so time stamp is 1:17:27 ish) and Chucks anger sores back to the surface because even when he's broken Herc doesn't want Chuck’s help.

We know that this isn't about Chuck, that it's about Herc not wanting to appear weak, can't appear weak but that's not how Chuck sees it, we know that from psychology that children can't see their parents reasoning in these circumstances and can only take it as a slight upon them, and again it hits at all of Chuck's insecurities.

And Herc does it AGAIN when they're climbing onto Striker's head and Chuck doesn't even react because this is obviously just what he expects and that's so awful that he just expects to be shoved away by his father, but still he follows this insane plan because he loves his dad and he trusts him with his life.

And that brings me to this post (x)

Because the tags are perfect here and highlight so many things. Because Chuck is 21, he's barely an adult and he's not a well-adjusted adult at that. He doesn't think he's gonna see his 22nd birthday hell he's probably astounded he made it this far, and here he is screaming at his worst nightmares come to life with only anger in his heart because that's all he knows.

And Herc, bless him because while all of this post has been about how much damage Herc has done to Chuck there isn't any Herc hate here let me be 100% clear about that. Because Herc will never win dad of the year but he loved Chuck with his whole being.

Imagine having to look at your son and every day wonder how disappointed Angela would be at what you'd done to her sweet boy. Because that's what he will see, he will see all the damage and pain he caused and brought on the kid and he will just hate himself for it, but again Chuck won't see that the regret will be about how Herc did as a parent. Chuck will see the regret as Herc regretting having him for a son.

But Herc loved Chuck wholeheartedly because he knew Chuck was a 1st Class arsehole, and he still adored him, not because he was the perfect son or the perfect ranger or because he listened to him. He loved him because he was CHUCK.

So Herc may have done bad things and made bad decisions but he never did them for the wrong reasons. He did them to protect Chuck, protect Chuck from the programme, from the kaiju, from his own grief and pain.

So I love Herc because yeah he made mistakes but he knows that and everything he did was deep down, from a place of love.

And this (x) gif set I feel lays out the feelings that these two men go through really well. It's times that Chuck walks away from Herc and there are 3 distinctly different things occurring each time.

We focus on Herc the first 2 times that Chuck walks away because Chuck's emotions in both of those scenes are plain to see, he's angry with hurt coming in a close second. Herc's emotions are a little more detailed.

The first time you see the anger - the ranger. Chuck knows better, he was in the wrong in this circumstance, he shouldn't have been brawling like a child and Herc is angry from not just a parental point of view but as a co-pilot and a senior ranger.

The second time you see the disappointment - the father. The fact that Chuck is like this because of Herc, because he didn't do a good enough job as a parent, and he worries what Angela would think of the two of them now. He thinks that she'd probably hate him for making their son into this man. And he honestly doesn't recognise the man in front of him, because he can't equate him to the boy he knew and he knows that's on him.

But the last time the focus shifts and it's on Chuck because his emotions are important here, they aren't anger this time. Far from it. He doesn't want to turn away this time.

The emotion here is regret - its the son. He regrets not having been a better son, not having a better relationship with his dad, he regrets it all. And he knows that he's leaving Herc alone and that he hasn't done enough to fix the damage that is between them. Sure he's helped begin that healing, but he's about to go to his death and he can only hope that he's done enough that Herc won't think of him badly.

And obviously, we now have to address THAT (x) scene. Because this is it. This is the goodbye that neither of them got to have with Angela, and yet they can't say it. Because they are who they are and so we don't get the words "I love you" or "goodbye" no we get something that to these two men means so much more.

Because Herc tells him exactly what he needs to hear, he tells him that he's always loved him by saying "all the things" and Chuck for all that he's stubborn and emotionally stunted can see the pain and the hurt in his father's eyes.

They're probably still ghosting and Chuck will be able to feel all of it because when they're in a jaeger they probably push it all away because addressing that much emotion and anger would cause major RABIT. But here, now Chuck can feel it all.

And Chuck tells him that he knows and confirms to Herc that he doesn't hate him. Yeah, of course, he hates the things he's done and the way he made him feel, but he doesn't hate Herc, how could he, because his whole life he's wanted to be like him.

That's why he wanted to be the best because he saw Herc as the best and he just wanted to emulate that in the only way he knew how. And Stacker telling him that he is his father's son, it just put a balm on all of that pain and all the angry wounds.

Because Chuck achieved what he wanted to and someone acknowledged that, because Chuck knew how good his dad was and wanted to be that good a person and thats why he was so hurt. Because he saw that funhouse mirror version of himself and knew that he could never be that and then here is Stacker saying that he did. That he is.

And then Herc claims him. Tells him that he loves him and is proud of him and that he would give anything to trade places with Chuck or to be the man beside him in that conn-pod because there is no-one he would trust more to fight against and there is no-one that he would rather stand his last stand with.

And the pride here, that you can see how proud he is of Chuck. That Chuck says even his last moments Chuck is showing how much he respects Herc. Because he wants to be his dad and wants to make him proud and that pride is so clear here and it breaks your heart, because Chuck probably knew how proud Herc was in that moment but he never got to see it.

Which brings me finally onto Max. Because we all know as Rob says that Max was a way for Chuck and Herc to talk, because they couldn't talk, so any affection or emotion they show that dog is often the emotions they are showing to each other or how they feel about each other in that moment.

So we're introduced to Max the first time we really see the Hansens and Herc takes Max over to meet Raleigh and the group and Chuck stands there and calls back Max almost as soon as he possibly can.

And look at how he holds him, because Chuck wants to make it clear that Max is his and Raleigh and Mako can't have him and honestly I think it does reflect that Chuck doesn't want to share his dad, because he is his dad. His isn't Mako's or Raleigh's and sometimes Herc is more fatherly to the two of them than Chuck and he doesn't want to share and that shows here and in the way he holds Max through the scene in the mess hall.

And then you have the goodbye (x), because while Chuck doesn't say goodbye to Herc directly he says it to Max and you know that he's not saying it just to Max, because even without the direction that Guillermo gave of "Imagine you are kneeling before your father asking for forgiveness" you can see it in the way Rob delivers the scene.

Because Chuck is telling Herc that he's gonna miss him just as much as he's telling Max and he shows Max the physical affection that he can't show his dad, he's saying goodbye.

And the "Look after him for me" isn't just asking Herc to look after Max, because of course, Herc will look after Max, because he adores Max and it's the only thing he will have left of Chuck. He's telling Herc to look after himself because Chuck won't be around to anymore and he needs to be sure that Herc is gonna be ok when he's gone. Because he knows how Herc dealt with the grief of losing his wife how the hell is he gonna cope losing his son.

And I think that's why Rob's conversation with me hurt so much and I had to try so hard not to cry in front of him. Because of course if Chuck could in any way stay around to keep an eye on Herc he would. So that's why he's still in the drift, that's why he's still there.

Because he's just had Herc confirm that he loves him and respects him and is so so proud of him and he's basically just been given all the validation in the world. So, of course, his idea of paradise would be piloting Striker for eternity with his father by his side, so why would he not still exist in the drift?

#pacific rim #pacific rim (2013)#chuck hansen #herc hansen #Herc Hansen #hansen feels #ouch #long post #sad #rob kazinsky #guillermo del toro #lots of feels #hansen family feels

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rootshml · 5 years

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Meet the 2019 Roots Cohort

In search of their ancestral villages, 11 people of the Chinese diaspora hailing from the Bay Area and Boston will soon travel to the Pearl River Delta in Guangdong 廣東省, China. We will visit 5 different areas, including Kaiping 開平, Taishan 台山, Xinhui 新會, and Guangzhou 廣州.

Sarah Tan 譚美婷

Village

My mother’s and maternal grandparents’ village. 永安村 (Yong’an Village) in 台山 (Taishan)

What do you do for fun?

I enjoy strength training at the gym, hanging out with friends and family, attending music concerts, watching basketball, and learning more about photography.

How did you hear about Roots?

My sister had a handful of co-workers who participated in Roots Plus (2018). They wrote a blog post for work and my sister shared it with me. I also recently found out that my favorite professor at UCLA was a rooter!

What are you looking to accomplish?

Growing up, my mother told me many stories about her humble beginnings and what it was like to grow up in a village. I look forward to living and experiencing the community and environment my mother and maternal grandparents came from before immigrating to the United States.

What are your expectations?

I do not have any expectations going in. I just know it will be a trip of a lifetime and this experience will help me reflect on who I am today

Choose a food that describes you?

BURRITOS! Yummm!

Alexander Kwok 郭智光

Village

I would like to visit my paternal grandfather's village 隔塘村 (gaak tong cyun) in Zengcheng 增城. I decided to save my paternal grandmother's village 南朗鄉 in Shunde 顺德 for another time, as I have a lot more resources on my paternal grandfather's side than I do for my paternal grandmother.

What do you do for fun?

I like to read, play video games, blog, listen to music and podcasts, bake; go camping, hiking, kayaking; try new foods and explore new places!

How did you hear about Roots?

I've been doing research on my paternal grandfather's side of the family for 5 years now but hit a wall when I tried looking for our home village. As a lot of the resources seemed to focus on the Sze-yap area of 廣東 Province, I wasn't able to do much more and stopped trying to find it.

One day, I was looking for more resources and came across an old website under the Chinese Culture Center, which redirected me to the Him Mark Lai Digital Archive. After some exploring, I found the database of villages in 廣東 with associated surnames, but none of them included my home village.

I thought I had hit yet another brick wall - until I started googling one of the headers in the Digital Archive, "The Roots Program". I quickly found references to the program and old exhibits on a few websites but thought they might have stopped the program because I didn’t see anything recent. Imagine my surprise when I found the Friends of Roots site & the Tumblr blog…!

What are you looking to accomplish?

Growing up my paternal grandparents spoke mostly Cantonese, so I never got to ask them questions about their childhood, how they met, or what it was like to raise a family in Hong Kong, let alone about my ancestors or our home villages. I’m hoping to regain some of these stories from our family through visiting relatives in Hong Kong, where my grandfather’s and father’s generation grew up and paying my respects at family graves across Hong Kong.

Through visiting my paternal great-grandfather’s home village in China, I also hope to regain a sense of identity that our family has since lost. Even though my paternal great-grandparents left the home village to go to Hong Kong in the late 1930’s, my great-grandfather had to leave the family at the start of the war, because the family was afraid something would happen to him in a city under Japanese occupation. Our family never heard from him again, and it was presumed that he had passed away back in the home village. Though my grandfather has been back to the village in the late 2000’s, he didn’t talk much about his trip with the rest of our family, and we don’t have any records where the village may have been.

So, in visiting my home village and reconnecting with whatever family is left there, I hope to learn more about my great-grandfather and grandfather’s generation, as well as reconnect with family still there. I also hope to get a sense of what growing up in the village might have been like for my great-grandfather, what he liked to do, what the village looks like, etc.

What are your expectations?

I don’t have many expectations other than going back, reconnecting with family there, and seeing what the village looks like. My great-grandfather returned to the village in the early 1940s, so I would like to visit his grave if I can. I’ve heard that when my grandfather went back to the village, he rebuilt his father’s tomb at the time.

But I can’t wait to taste all the delicious food in Hong Kong & Guangdong, learn more about overseas Chinese - including those who migrated to Southeast Asia, hopefully, and get a sense for what Southern China is like.

Choose a food that describes you?

Jakarta-style bakmie - It's something that I grew up eating as a part of birthday celebrations, represents both the Chinese & Tionghoa (Chinese Indonesian) sides of my family, & reflects on a range of experiences that I share with others being a part of multiple cultures.

Rachael Tang 鄧安琪

Kathleen Wong 黄玉明

Village Kaiping, Guangdong Province, China. 開平中股鄉赤坎屋上樓村.

What do you do for fun? Rock climbing, running, cooking, and adventuring!

How did you hear about Roots? I heard about Roots through co-founder Al Cheng. My boyfriend introduced me to him as we were having a delicious bun bo hue lunch. At the end of the lunch, Al remarked that I probably have roots in Guangzhou. We connected on Facebook and I saw his program posts. I was intrigued, applied, and the rest is history!

What are you looking to accomplish? After an intimidating visit to Hong Kong in 2011, where I could not demonstrate enough language skills to get around, a visit to China seemed so intimidating. This will be my first trip to the mainland so I’m hoping to get a better understanding of Chinese culture and connect it with my upbringing.

What are your expectations? Good food, good company, and hopefully not too many mosquitos!

Choose a food that describes you? Ice Cream :) Sweet and refreshing!

Jenny Lau 劉健儀

Village

漢塘村 in 台山市省冲蔞镇達材鄉. The village is where my parents were born and raised and also where my paternal grandfather was born and where my maternal grandfather grew up starting around five years old.

What do you do for fun?

I enjoy hanging out with my friends, eating good food, being in nature, exercising, watching movies, sharing stories, being present.

How did you hear about Roots?

I visited the Roots website after seeing a facebook post linking to it from a friend.

What are you looking to accomplish?

I am looking to better understand my parents by visiting the village where they were born and grew up and to imagine what life must have been like for them. I also want to talk to people who might remember my grandparents and have information about them.

What are your expectations?

I would like to connect with my fellow Rooters, hear their stories and why they wanted to do Roots, visit my village with my brother, who is also a Rooter this year, and to see the village that he chose. I would like to learn more about Chinese history, especially when my parents and grandparents were living in China and to contextualize family events within broader Chinese history.

Choose a food that describes you

Some of my staple foods: white rice with laap cheng and chau baak toi thlem (Chinese sausage with stir-fry baby bok choy) and unsweetened Hong Kong (HK) style milk tea. The rice dish appears simple but is very hearty like me, with the right mix of meat/veggies, sweet/savory. At the same time, I am unique in my bold and deep expressions, similar to HK milk tea, which is a unique spin to a classic tea with milk concept but it's particularly bold in flavor because it's double- or multi-brewed and it's full of depth from evaporated/condensed milk.

Michael Tom 譚振豪

Village: 台山水步毛坪村 (Taishan Shuibu Maoping Village)

What do you do for fun? I like to do indoor bouldering, taking photos, and hanging out with people

How did you hear about Roots?

My cousin, Scott Leung, and my aunt and uncle, Ray and Karen Leung, all went on Roots and recommended that I check it out

What are you looking to accomplish?

I just wanted to see where my grandfather grew up and where my greatgrandfather and greatgrandmother lived

What are your expectations?

I didn't have any expectations because my family hasn't had any communication with the village since for the past 40 years. I went in with an open mind, ready to accept every new experience

.Choose a food that describes you?

Kettle Corn. Savory is serious. Sweet is fun. I'd like to think I'm both, but also 90% hot air.

Angela Yip 叶嘉宝

Village

Wong Cyun in Toisan - 台山三合潢村河清里. This is my paternal great grandfather's village

What do you do for fun?

Eat! There's so much amazing food in the Bay Area. I also love keeping up with my bullet journal, going on hikes, and reading fiction. I've really been enjoying reading books by Asian American female authors lately. Some recent favorites are Chemistry by Weike Wang, Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng, and A Place for Us by Fatima Fahreen Mirza.

How did you hear about Roots?

I heard about Roots from my mom's cousin's wife Liana Koehler, Roots alum and Roots lecturer. It came up in conversation at dinner after my grandpa's funeral. She said I had to do Roots, and I was immediately sold. Roots came at the perfect time.

What are you looking to accomplish?

I am hoping to learn more about a side of my family that I don't know much about--my paternal grandma's side. I grew up extremely close to my grandma, and I want to be able to show her pictures of her father's village because she was never able to visit. I also just want to learn more about Toisan, even basic information like what people eat and grow and what they do for fun. Both sides of my family are from Toisan, so it has shaped my family and my experience of being Chinese in the US in huge ways, but I know very little about the region.

What are your expectations?

I hope to find the right village! Other than that, I am trying to approach my rooting with little expectation and to stay open to whatever might happen. I expect it to be an emotional experience for me for sure.

Choose a food that describes you?

Fried rice from Fung Wah on Mission Street in Daly City

Jeffrey Lau 劉健仁

Village: I'm visiting my paternal grandma's village of 衝洋向南村

What do you do for fun? I hang with people that are easier for me to hang with for fun.

How did you hear about Roots? I learned about Roots two years ago from a friend's Facebook feed! I marinated on the idea of applying until I actually did.

What are you looking to accomplish? I’m looking to reflect on my relationships with family members who’ve had the most direct impact on my life—like the one with my paternal grandma, who raised me. I want this trip, in the long run, support my process of grounding more of my life in my Chinatown organizing work.

What are your expectations? My expectations are simply to get a feel and look of where my grandma grew up. She don't tell me much herself, so I’m gonna discover more about her myself.

Choose a food that describes you? I'm gonna say fries. Fries done well are golden and crispy, but get kinda whack over time as they get soggier. I usually start strong in many things but my energy dips over time and some times I'm kinda whack towards the end, haha...

Hannah Yee 余壽玉

Village - Dick Hoi, Toisan

Fun - I dance, garden, bake, and love being in the outdoors

Hear about Roots - Through my sister who found out through social media haha

Accomplish - (?) in life? in roots? - For Roots I wanted to accomplish finding my village, seeing the school I have heard so much about, and finding a base of friends who want to explore their Chinese American identities together and eat good food together. Expectations - I didn't know what to expect from this program. I expected it would be exciting, rigorous, tiring, and fun. I also expected it to be like solving a mystery/Clue/puzzle

Food - Dung/Jung - Have to open up the leaves to enjoy the inside! Filled with surprises like peanuts, lup cheong, egg, etc. Warm, comfort food that is a classic! Picture - I'll send you one once I get home!

Fiona Wong 黃寶賢

1. Village

中國廣東省台山市白沙鎮潮境众亨鄉潮興里

Bak Sa, Toishan

2. What do you do for fun?

I enjoy exploring new places, trying new things, and checking things off my to-do/travel bucket list during my free time. I love spending quality time with friends and family while having delicious food. As long as it is a day with blue skies, I do not mind what I'm doing as long as I'm outside!

3. How did you hear about roots?

I heard about roots through a friend who went on this program and shared her experience through social media.

4. What are you looking to accomplish?

I am looking to dive deeper into the history of China and Chinese immigration to the states with emphasis on Cantonese and Toishanese context. I am excited about the opportunity to visit other villages in the Pearl Delta River Region and to return to my ancestral village.

5. What are you expectations?

I did not have much expectations going in other than hoping that our cohort will support one another wholeheartedly.

6. Choose a food that describes you

Some type of dish that has onions because I have a lot of layers.

Nicole Wong 王雅斯

Village

I'm visiting my paternal great grandfather's village: 江門市蓬江區荷塘镇三丫沙滘村.

What do you do for fun?

I love to cook food and sing with friends, join the occasional pick-up soccer game, try different dance classes, read, and get outside.

How did you hear about Roots?

I first learned about Roots from my mom, but it wasn't until I heard Steve Owyang speak about the program at a CAA anniversary dinner that I seriously considered applying.

What are you looking to accomplish?

To learn more about my family's history so I can understand myself better and connect more deeply with my Chinese heritage.

What are your expectations?

To meet my Xinhui relatives and see the village, old house, house, and gravesite of my ancestors.

Choose a food that describes you?

Peanut butter (because I love it and chew on ideas/questions for a while

#Roots2019

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a34trgv2 · 5 years

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In Defense of Black Panther

WARNING: There will be spoilers for the film Black Panther. If you haven’t seen the film, please watch it before reading this post.

Black Panther one of the MCU’s most well received films from a critical and financial standpoint (with 97% out of 455 critics giving an average rating of 8.3/10 on Rotten Tomatoes and making $1.3 billion dollars at the box office). It’s even made history as the first superhero film to be nominated for Best Picture at the Academy Awards. So, naturally there are a select few people that claim it’s “overrated” or “not worthy of all the hype” as is the case with every film that makes a splash with audiences, critics and film institutes like the Academy of Arts and Science. Full disclosure, if you dislike this film, that’s fine. It’s impossible for any one movie to please everyone. That said though, it’s still important to recognize why it resonated with so many people, including myself. Calling it (or anything, for that matter) “overrated” makes you sound jealous. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why Black Panther is not just a great film, but an important one.

Despite being set in the ever expanding Marvel Cinematic Universe, Black Panther is very much a standalone picture with the only acknowledgement to the film T’Challa was introduced in, Captain America: Civil War, occurring in the beginning and post credits scene of the film. T’Challa’s father, T’Chaka, died in Civil War and Bucky is seen living in a hut now under a new moniker, White Wolf. The plot mainly revolves around T’Challa learning the difference between being a good man and a good king. If Peter Parker had to learn “with great power comes great responsibility” T’Challa has to learn what responsibility he must take for the good of his country. This plot reminds me of this quote Mufasa said in The Lion King to Simba: “...there’s more to being a king then getting your way all the time.” The film shows how T’Challa’s actions can make or break his country and if it were put in the wrong hands, it can lead to dangerous consequences. That’s where Erik “Killmonger” Stevens comes in and when he defeats T’Challa in combat and becomes the new king, his first order of business is to send weapons to blacks around the world, which would lead to genocide. Killmonger is who T’Challa would’ve became if he let his bitterness consume him, and the two of them actually learn alot from one another by the end.

Let’s talk about Killmonger and why he’s one of the best villains I’ve seen in a film, comic book or otherwise. Every minute he’s on screen we learn more and more about him and why he’s does what he does. At the start of the film, T’Chaka killed his brother, N’Jobu, for attempting to kill Zuri after it was revealed that he’s been stealing Vibranium and giving it to Ulysses Klaue. N’Jobu being Killmonger’s father, the young boy spent his entire life killing and getting stronger so that he could take his place as king and right the wrong that was done to him. Killmonger represents the anger and frustrations of many young black men who are oppressed and undermined on a daily basis and if they had the power, they’d make all the oppressors pay. During the final fight, T’Challa recognizes where his hate comes from and makes an effort to be a better king than his father. Killmonger is a good villain not because he wants power, but because he wants to help other people just like him but is going at it the same way Adolf Hitler did: not through peace, but genocide. Also he kills 5 people, beats T’Chaala to near death and burned all the heart shaped herbs that gives the Black Panther his powers.

Now Killmonger is a great villain, but it’s the hero we’re all here for. So let’s talk about T’Challa. What makes T’Challa such an interesting and well throughtout character is how calm and nice he is. He remains the better man even when he has every reason to be otherwise. Not to mention, he’s just so charming and has a good heart. Ultimately though, it’s how he deals with the fact that his father wasn’t a saint like he always thought he was that makes him so relatable. He goes through an array of different emotions when he’s in the Ancestral Plane: anger, disappointment, sadness, resentment. We spend our entire child hoods believing our parents to be the best in the world and when we learn they committed heinous acts such as murder, it turns our world upside down. But rather then spend time wallowing in his misery, T’Challa makes an effort to be better than his ancestors and ensure someone like Killmonger doesn’t happen again. Captain Logon of Geekvolution made the bold claim that T’Challa, Captain America and Luke Cage were better Supermen than the one in the DCEU and I think that’s true, considering the thought of giving up NEVER crossed T’Challa’s mind.

This film goes above and beyond when it comes to making strong supporting characters. Starting with Shuri, she has definitely become an audience favorite and is in my top 10 supporting characters. At just 16, her genius makes her on par with the likes of Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Also, she has some of the funniest moments in the film, including the “What are those?” gag. I’m aware many people hate memes being used in popular media, but when it’s done well, it’s at the very least chuckle worthy. She is responsible for upgrading the Black Panther suit, controlling vehicles from her lab and having battle armor ready for Nakia during the final battle. Speaking of which, Nakia is very much a subverted love interest as despite showing good chemistry with T’Challa, they’re not an item in this film until the very end and by then it feels earned. Nakia is very much by T’Challa’s side the entire time an it feel natural like they’ve been friends since childhood as opposed to them just meeting at the start of the film. Then there’s Okoye, captain of the Dora Milaje and loyal to the thrown even if Killmonger’s in it. She see’s T’Challa not just as her king but also a friend. Her lover, W’Kabi, makes for a good friend turned foe and shares perfect chemistry with her. T’Challa’s mother, Ramonda, makes for a good supporting character, showing that she very much loves her son and is willing to anything she can for him. Zuri is a good adviser and key player in Killmonger’s arc. M’baku of the Jabari tribe was just so much fun, being a fierce rival for T’Challa and having some good jokes thrown in for good measure. Then we have Ulysses Klaue, the nasty but clever and funny thief who has a Vibranium arm since he was last seen in Avengers: Age of Ultron. He just steals the show every time he’s on screen until Killmonger kills him and drops him at the border of Wakanda.

Credit should really be given to the cast for bringing these characters to life. Chadwick Boseman gives what is quite possibly his most defining performance in his career, playing a compelling, charming, and so very human character with super human abilities. Michael B. Jordan made Killmonger his own, bringing out his humanity and bitterness towards the people who oppressed him. Letitia Wright very much sells the spunky Shuri is meant to have as well as being tech savy. Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurrea, Forrest Whitaker, Angela Basset, Winston Duke and Daniel Kaluuya are all good and very memorable as Nakia, Okoye, Zuri, Ramonda, M’Baku, and W’Kabi respectively. The one having the most fun in this film is Andy Serkis as Ulysses Klaue, taking full advantage of his onscreen presence with his eccentric and funny personality.

The soundtrack for the film is also very memorable, embracing the African atmosphere with sounds and music influenced by countries in the continent. Rapper Kendrick Lamar was brought on to produce music for the film and his single, All The Stars (featuring SZA) used in the end credits ties in to Killmonger’s arc perfectly. Not only does the music play a key part in bringing this film to life, but the costumes and visuals aesthetic make the it feel alive. The costumes feel like they belong in an African country, making use of various colors from the lower East side of the continent. People seem to have a problem with the CG used in the film, particularly in the final battle. I’m not sure what the problem is, the CG looks fine throughout the film. Wakanda feels lived in and looks like a real place you could visit. Practical effects such as really buildings and cooking stations were used for shots in the city, but for wide shots, the CG looks flawless. I guess they’re referring to how T’Challa and Killmonger fighting in the Vibranium minds “looks like a PS2 game.” If I may go on a side tangent, I really hate the “it looks like a video game” argument. I undermines the hard work and effort that went in to making games as well as the effort put into CG in movies. In this case, the CG looks exactly like what it’s showing: two guys in black cat suits (one purple, the other orange) duking it out in a dimly lit cave. I might not be a visual effects supervisor, but even I can tell the difference from a game that came out a decade and a half ago and a movie released in 2018.

The last thing I want to talk about is why this film resonated so much with people, particularly with people of color. Contrary to popular belief, the fact that this film has a black superhero is not the only reason why it resonated with black people. It’s actually has to do with timing and how that played a huge part in it’s success. Racism still thrives around the world, particularly here in America. Just 2 years before this film came out, Zootopia tackled racism in a way children could understand and that also resonated with people unlike most animated films have done. Black Panther tackles a different angel than Zootopia and yet gets it’s message across just as effectively. Deep down, we’re very much like Killmonger. Everybody is sick of racism and we all want to do something about it. However, as the film shows, genocide is NOT the answer. The reason why the Holocaust happened and terrorism exists is because people think that killing other people they don’t like is the best solution. This film ends with T’Challa learning the right lesson from Killmonger: by opening Wakanda to the rest of the world and offering to help people instead of hurt them, T’Challa proves to be the best king in Wakandan history. The film isn’t “just another superhero movie” as some would claim it to be. It’s the film we need now more than ever. We need to be told being angry at the oppressor isn’t going to stop him, but offering to help those who are being oppressed makes a big difference. To quote a young woman from a little movie about space ships, “That’s how we’re going to win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love.”

Look, the film isn’t perfect by any means. Martian Freeman gives a good performance as Everett Ross, but the character is just there to be the “Phil Coulson-esqu” type of character. That and I was a little bummed we didn’t get to see more of Klaue in the film. That said, I have nothing but positive things to say about the film. As a film it’s got a strong story, excellent characters, impressive visual effects, a memorable sound track and great performances all around. And to top it all off, it’s message culturally significant and it’s delivered in an organic way that doesn’t come across as pretentious. To anyone who dubs this film “overrated” (looking at you Dishonoured Wolf -.-), please refrain from doing so. It’s fine if you don’t like it, but you can’t deny that it’s message isn’t important. I now leave you with a quote from T’Challa himself.

#black panther #marvel cinematic universe #superhero #defense #academy awards #chadwick boseman #michael b jordan #cultural significant #racism #genocide #like #share #reblog #follow #quote

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