#dude. this guy is a bit too fuckin pretty (i say this as a general statement) i had to pick this guy eueghhugh (i love you)
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happy valentines day everyone in the other side i am googling steven stone and looking at the fanart made me wonder how in the world did i fall for the token pretty boy in all of hoenn
#I MEAN LIKE SERIOSUYLRYRDT LIKE#dude. this guy is a bit too fuckin pretty (i say this as a general statement) i had to pick this guy eueghhugh (i love you)#hes so pretty... ew /neg /JOKING#SORRY FROM TIME TO TIME I SIT HERE AND JUST BE SHOCKED WITH MYSELF LIKE holy shit you chose the most obviously totally intended pretty guy.#ive been BAITED#im back to my denial stages again why am i like this (dont take this negatively i prommy i still love him)
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Ghostface HCs ⋆｡°✩👻🔪
Wahoo, more Ghostfaceeee. Ghostface brainrot be really taking over tho gadayum, Danny gonna drill a hole into my fucking brain; unlike Pyramid Head as he pretty much made a crater. Smh, I’m rambling too much and Imma move on from that now — yeah slightly busy week but pushing through in the mean time and having Ghostface for some fuckin’ motivation. Some nsfw shit will be mentioned and possibly some gore but nonetheless, this’ll be a fun one boys. ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
OKAY getting this shit out of the way first but Slipknot do be hitting hard for me atm and I gotta say it’s either Vermilion or Prosthetics that give me massive brainrot and Ghostface vibes.
It’s a possibility I might even write a mini fic based off of Prosthetics ngl, now there’s a fuckin’ thought.
It’s either some dumbass banter or flirting between you and Ghostface, never an in between. Most of the time 90% of whatever flirtatious remarks comes out of Danny’s mouth is a joke, but at the same time he’s also not fuckin’ kidding.
“Baby what that tongue do?” “Lick my fingers. To turn the pages of the Bible for sinners like you.”
Get ready for some nightly fucking shenanigans because Ghostface is going to drop in when you least expect it.
Despite being the flirtatious bastard he is, Danny can get clingy at times.
Like this man could demand cuddles and if you refuse he will just tie you up and have his cuddles anyways because he doesn’t give a shit if you say no. He does what he wants anyways.
He’ll have you lying there tied up and helpless on your bed, listening to whatever fuckin’ rants he’s going on about, probably something about his night or maybe shit talking about another resident in Roseville he plans to kill in some few days. ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌
By the time he’s leaving he might’ve took something small of yours for keeping, not like you were gonna notice much of a difference anyways. And you’re definitely not gonna get it back.
Besides stalking his chosen targets for his next kill, Ghostface still keeps his tabs on you whenever he doesn’t happen to show up inside your home or phone in. Either he’d take some photos on random occasions while you’re in public, keeping lost items of yours, might’ve ended up building a small shrine out of that shit ngl.
It’s almost hilarious but at the same time it isn’t, because Ghostface swore to himself he would never build some sort of attachment towards his victims or anybody in general but then you came along and somehow changed that shit. 💀💀
Might’ve found out your text tbh so he could annoy you for endless hours during the day when he’s not around and playing himself as Jed and working at the Gazette.
Did I forget to mention how possessive he is??? Man’s honestly lucky to have some restraint and composure seeing some other people talking to you and breathing the same fuckin’ air otherwise he would’ve killed them already by the next night, this shit don’t apply to that drunkard who was harassing you the one Saturday night you went out to the bar with friends though. That shit was justified in his opinion.
There’s either two reasons and two reasons only why Ghostface would’ve made a drop inside your house, either this man is wanting attention from you and to talk, or this mfer is horny as shit. There’s no in-between.
Dude’s into kinky shit you name it, stuff like: bondage, blood play, knife play, things like that. Blood play might’ve been off the table for the first half however he might’ve brought it up some time around when you got comfy enough where you weren’t constantly having to get into some cat fight with the guy.
Might I add, the first time he met you and he was picking you off as one of his victims he got a fuckin’ hard-on from your fear and seeing the bit of blood smeared on your arms or cheeks while you were fighting for your life.
Mirror sex, semi-public sex, a quickie, phone sex, dude’s up for some small bit of risks and that mainly goes with semi-public ofc because he finds it fun and adds more spice to the situation.
He’s still paying close in mind wherever he does it so he himself isn’t getting caught in that position with you and shit would somehow escalate. He doesn’t do it often a lot but maybe to some rare occasion or something like that.
He likes hearing you beg and looking like an absolute flustered mess under him. 😌
Rough sex is also a big yes, he doesn’t do it gentle much but it might’ve happened in some rare chances even if you didn’t ask for it.
Mask stays on babes he’s not taking it off during sex.
He’s also pushing you to overstimulation because he can and will, and he takes fuckin’ joy out of it >:))
Gets a small power trip out of it too, knowing he’s the one driving you insane this way and making you plead for his cock.
Shhh that’s just his way of showing how much he loves you.
He’s pretty good with aftercare, cuddles in bed afterwards and a short nap in the mean time before morning where he’ll have to bounce by then and get to work.
︎༒︎✞︎🕸𖤐
#ghostface#dead’s dying#dead’s hcs#ghostface x reader#danny johnson x reader#slashers x reader#gn reader#danny johnson#dead by daylight#dbd x reader#smut#fluffies#brainrot hrs
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Oblivious
Summary: Eddie is very in love with Steve, and he doesn’t really try to hide it. well, he does… sorta. But it’s easy because Steve is very oblivious to it all. the truth only comes out after a very confronting game of spin the bottle. - 20.4 k words
Warnings: 16+, angst, discussions of sex, mild sexual themes, kissing, alcohol, cigarettes, weed if you squint, homophobic slurs, self harm though not explicit. (this is long so let me know if i forgot something)
Authors Notes: this started as a little head cannon / imagine thing, and then I got carried away, as per fucking usual and now it’s a fic and I love it a lot. don’t worry, there’s fluff in there too. (y’all, i forgot where i got this pic from so if you know the creator, drop it in the comments so i can tag them? thankies)
Steve was quite frankly the most oblivious man on the planet. You could blame that on the several concussions he has had over the years if you were feeling empathetic, but… he was pretty dang oblivious before the head injuries too. You could probably blame that on his parents. He was oblivious to his best friend (Tommy Hagan) having feelings for him for like… five years, though, you can absolutely blame that on the constant string of homophobic slurs leaving Tommys lips. He was oblivious to the fact that Robin was a lesbian untill she had told him, though, she did hide it well so that wasn’t a very big deal. And he was most certainly oblivious to Eddie’s constant pining. It was quite frankly obvious, actually, but he was still fucking oblivious.
Eddie would always flirt with Steve… always. And every time he got a little too close, or complimented Steve, or winked at him or whispered a teasing little nothing at him, Steve would always go pink in the cheeks, or giggle, or get a little giddy, or grin from ear to fucking ear. He liked the attention. He didn’t get that kind of attention, he didn’t even get that with Tommy, though, he did a little bit. Tommy was real sweet when they were in private and they liked to sleep real close when they had sleepovers. And so Steve took Eddie’s flirting with a smile, he welcomed it, he often would prompt it, give Eddie some ammunition. Like, he would ask if his hair looked good, or if his outfit worked, or if Eddie thought some random girl would like a particular feature, and Eddie would alway hit him with something sweet in return. He never flirted back though, yeah, he’d compliment Ed some times, but only in the way he would compliment Rob. he would never in a million years tell Eddie that his lips looked just as kissable, no, the thought of that made his stomach churn. So yeah, he didn’t really understand that Eddie was flirting with him, more so just… being nice, being a good best friend just like Tommy was, though, he was like the better version of Tommy. Because, he would never call Robin a dike or a faggot, and he would say such pretty things to Stevie, and he would keep him close in public as well, and he was generally just a better dude. But holy fuck was Steve oblivious. Yes, he knew gay people existed, yes he understood all that crap from Robin, but he didn’t know Eddie was gay, and the thought that he himself could be gay was something that never occured in his mind. Never, not once. He just never processed that Eddie’s sweet compliments could count as flirting, because they were two guys, and that wasn’t something Steve was conditioned to understand. Plus, a little flirtatious comment here and there from your mate was normal, wasn’t it? Tommy would tell Steve he was nice lookin sometimes, or that his hair was fuckin perfect… nothing out of the ordinary. He was the most oblivious man on earth.
The more Eddie continued to flirt with Steve and watched the adorable smile on his lips or the way his eyes lit up when Ed would reference one of Steve’s interests, or the perfect pink blush in his cheeks that would rise after a sweet compliment, the harder Eddie fell. And he fell so fucking hard, so hard that it hurt to keep the flirtatious act up because, yeah, the comments were never reciprocated, not verbally anyway… and the looks and the smiles, well… Eddie thought that was just wishful thinking. Yeah, a couple times Steve would tell Eddie that ‘your hair looks perfect today too’, or ‘you have really nice eyes, you know’, or ‘you have big hands, playing guitar with big hands is really attractive, you know, something I wish I had’, and Eddie would cling to those comments for dear fucking life. He would take what he could get. But yeah, they never compared to the, ‘Steve, your hair looks so soft, perfect for pullin’, or ‘your waist looks real cute in those pants, big boy’, or ‘oh yeah, I think your latest twink would die the moment she kisses those pretty lips of yours, Stevie’, Steves compliments were never like that, not once, not ever, never, ever. And yeah, Eddie thought about stopping on the off chance that they made Steve uncomfortable, but he could tell he liked them. Steve liked the attention Eddie gave him, and Eddie gave him a fucking lot of attention. Yes, Robin and Dustin gave him attention, but it was playful banter, and simple friendships, and conversations about girls… but Eddie… oh, Eddie just made him smile. It was like, whenever Steve walked into the room Eddie would just drop everything and focus solely on Steve. He would get up in his personal space, and smile at him, and wink at him, call him pretty, call him sweet, call him Stevie, and Sweetheart, and Big Boy, and the occasional Princess if he was feeling particularly cheeky, and it made Steve so giddy. Eddie was really his best friend, maybe even more than Robin… but it was different to Robin… probably because she was a girl… right? But yes, the flirting, whilst it was fun in the moment, it hung down on Eddie’s heart, and it hung it down low. He’d spent countless, countless fucking nights crying over steve. He’s spent countless days daydreaming over him too. He’s written songs about him, created characters and turned them into NPC’s in campaigns based off of Steve, and has filled sketchbooks and napkins and text books and desks with doodles of the boy he’s so fucking infaturated with the thought of. He’s burned through hundreds of cigarettes with the stress of it, cut into the supply of weed he was meant to be selling to random townies, but ended up smoking himself because he just couldn’t shake the soft outline of Steve from his mind. And fuck it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
Eddie and Robin had come out to each other right after the events of the upside down. There was no time for those sorts of conversations in the alternate dimension, and they were both clinging to their respective crushes any moment they could get. So after, when Robin was sitting on Eddie’s bedside, mindlessly playing with the drip cord coming from Eddie’s arm, and it was just them, she flat out just asked him, “You’re into dudes, right? That’s what you meant by ‘hunt the freak’?” To which Eddie just laughed and nodded his head, and she confirmed she was into girls and then the spent the rest of the afternoon just confiding in each other, obsessing over their crushes and comparing their ‘I knew I was gay when’ stories. But she became his safety net, he clung to her, and so did she. They spent many nights crying together about how much it hurt to be gay and relentlessly pine over a heterosexual person. And they never told another soul about the truth behind their friendship, no, that was their secret. Infact, they had spent so many nights crying over it together, so much time spent together, Steve and Nancy thought they were in a secret relationship or something. And so did Dustin, infact, he thought Eddie and Robin were more likely than Steve and Robin at this point because they were always so close and touchy, always laying on one another or hugging, and they were always whispering to each other, or doing their weird silent form of communication with their eyes that annoyed everyone else in the room. But eventually, after about ten and a half months of that shit, Robin just broke and fessed up to Nancy because she couldn’t take it anymore, and Nancy had dropped a subtle hint that she was really, really attracted to Jennifer Grey in that new Dirty Dancing film, and they ended up getting together. And yeah, Eddie was ecstatic for her when he found out, but god it hurt his heart so much, so so much. Because now, it was even more unlikely for Steve to turn around and say he had a thing for Eddie too, because the odds just didn’t align themselves like that. The universe wasn’t that nice. Things like that didn’t happen to people like him. Never.
But it was possible. Just, no one knew it, and wouldn’t for a while longer. Because, Steve was in fact bisexual, he didn’t know or understnad his feelings, they just never clicked. He’d be soo conditioned to like girls, to be this ‘ladies man’ and has seen how gay men get treated in small town Indiana, hell, he threw hald of those fucking punches with Tommy by his side. He wasn’t the shit box he used to be, but still, the thought never occurred to him. If he sometimes thought about the tingling sensation he got when Eddie brushes up against him, or the way his stomach would drop when Eddie would flirt or tell him he looked pretty, or when his eyes would drop down to those perfectly soft looking lips that Eddie would always talk with, or when he would lay in bed and think about what it would be like to sleep beside Ed, that was all his business. And as far as he’s concerned, it’s just normal to think of your best friend in that wat, hell, he thought that way about Tommy, the only reason he didn’t think about Robin or Dustin in that way were because she was a lesbian and he was a kid… yeah, that’s why.
And so Eddie spends months pining over his best friend. So many fucking months and it hurts. It hurts his heart so much. He’d spend hours and hours crying and hating himself for it, for everything. He wished he was a girl, he wished he didn’t have the fucking burden of homosexuality, he wished he wished he wished and cried and screamed into his fucking pillow till he cried the last tear in his body and fell asleep from pure exhaustion. Robin would console him, he’d call her up, or sometimes she’d just pop over unannounced when she got that gut feeling that he might not be doing so great. He’d sulk around the trailer with stained cheeks, clutching at his chest because it ached, whilst looking for some Tylenol or a beer or something to make it go away. He’d spend afternoons with his hair tied back and his head in the toilet because he’d make himself sick with heartache. He’d go days without eating or drinking, or even playing guitar. Sometimes it got so bad his eyes would hollow out and you’d be able to see his ribs start to show. After about a year, Wayne insisted on taking Eddie to the hospital because he thought something was seriously wrong with his boy, maybe it was cancer… or aids… or something. And Eddie just broke down into his uncles arm when he was trying to drag him out the front door and told him everything, and from that day on, Wayne held a secret hatrid for Steve because how dare he not love Eddie, how fucking dare he. But it didn’t help, it was just one more person that knew about his heart wrenching feelings for Steve. So painful, so sickening because he loved Steve so, so fucking much. And he always would. And Steve could never love him back. Never.
Sometimes, he just wished he still had a mother, because mothers were supposed to be able to help no matter what. He tried talking to Ms. Henderson a couple times, to get that motherly touch, and she was sweet, but god he could never hit her with such a humiliating thing. They just didn’t have that connection. Ms. Wheeler, no, never, Nancy and Mike complained about her too much. And Joyce, Joyce seemed perfect for it, honestly. She seemed like she would actually care, and help him, but he never got the opportunity. So he was stuck with Robin, and he loved Robin, but she could only give the advice of a struggling eighteen year old lesbinan in small town Indiana, she didn’t have that mothers touch, that motherly love he so desperately craved. So he cried his feelings out to an old photo of his mother and wrote them down in song, playing them in the safe confinements of his room, and sometimes to Robin, a couple times to Wayne, and once to Max and Nancy (yes, they knew. He found it hard to keep from Nancy, and he trusted her now. And Max, well, Max was like his little sister, and she lived real close and spent a lot of time with Rob and Nance anyway).
And then it would get to seventeen months post upside down conundrum. Seventeen months of being in love with Steve. And seventeen months alone. Yeah, he had a little thing for Steve before that, actually. He sorta hated him, but he couldn’t help but stare the entirety of their senior year together… he was just such a pretty boy. And then Steve had to go and get a job at Family Video and work every Thursday night? The night that Eddie always went in to swap over his rental. And god, he just loved to watch the way Steve would smile and shake his head at something Robin said from his van before going in. or listen to Steve’s mellow voice as he recommended some terrible movie Eddie certainly would never watch but would rent anyway, because Steve recommended it. And, yeah, it was stupid, but it was ignoreable. Nothing too deep, but then Eddie was wanted for murder and Steve was actually… nice… no, sweet even? And they bonded, and fuck, Steve had gotten even hotter since highschool, all broad and man and hairy and Jesus H. Christ, Eddie was sure if the democrats didn’t kill him down there, Steve in his battle vest, biting the head off that bat would. And that’s right when he knew he was in love with him. Right then and there. And that thought excited him, and then it very quickly didn’t. And now it had been seventeen months of being secretly in love with his very straight best friend, and honestly, he wished the upside down would open him back up momentarily and swallow him whole because at least that touture would be physically painful. But now it was Halloween, Eddie’s most favourite time of year. He had planned to match his costume with Nancy, Robin and Steve, going as this cartoon Dustin really liked. The ‘Scooby Gang’ it was called, it was all Dustins idea, but they liked it. Steve was going as Fred, Nancy went as Velma, Robin went as Shaggy, and Eddie went as Daphne as a bit of a gag. They were so excited with all the planning. But then Steve went and pulled at Eddie’s heartstrings by asking to invite some girl along to their party. And then Eddie hit rock bottom, he felt stupid for it, really, but fuck it hurt his heart too much. And he hadn’t left his bed in days. No one had been able to get through to him, and Robin had dropped in one evening with the key Wayne had given her, and let him cry to her once more. But tonight was Halloween, and Eddie was MIA, and the party was getting worried. And so, when Robin told them he was just having a hard time at the moment, they decided to bring Halloween night to him. So, after Wayne left for work, they snuck into the trailer and very quietly set up some decorations and prepared a couple of Eddie’s Halloween favs (Rocky Horrors Halloween appro, right?), and splayed out some snacks and sodas and beers and all sat down in their stupid costumes. Robin got up to go retrieve Eddie, and Steve grabbed her by the arm, insisting he go instead since theyre best friends and all, but Robin put a stop to that. She knew Eddie would never forgive her for letting Steve see him like that, see him hurting like that. So, she told him Eddie already knew she was coming and pushed down to his bedroom, closing the door behind her and sitting on the side of Eddie’s bed as she shook his shoulder gently, whispering to him.
“Eddie…” she shook him again, “Dingus Number Two… Munson… Freak… Eddieeee.”
He groaned and rolled over to look at her, rubbing his eyes, “Whaddaya wan’t, Birdie?”
She’d sigh and smile, “Max and Nancy are here, we wanna have a movie night… we’re watching Rocky Horror.”
He’d lift his eyebrows, “Wheeler is willing to watch ‘the atrocity’ that is Rocky?”
Robin grinned, “She’d do anything I tell her,” she poked his shoulder, “and I know you really need a good night with some friends.”
He sighed, “Alright, gimme a minute to put some clothes on?”
“Obviously,” She scoffed, “your watching a movie with two gay women and a minor, no underwear please.”
He’d laugh and roll onto his back as she slipped out of the room and signalled for Nancy to load up one of Eddie’s favourite mixtapes he had made, on low volume so as to not raise suspicion. He’d crawl out of bed and grab a pair of grey sweats off the ground that he had disguareded last night that just happened to be Steves that he left there last week, and then walked over to his cupboard and pulled out that yellow sweater of Steves as well that he had nabbed a few weeks ago. He’d grab the claw clip he had stolen from Nancy and tied his hair back loosely, something he would only do around the girls, and walked out in his mismatched socks, still yawning and pulling the jumper properly on as he was emerging towards the kitchen. And when Steve caught sight of Eddie’s midriff, of his happy trail, of what was left of the tattoo on his waist, of their matching scars, his mind short circuiting was his own business, no one else’s. And then when he had noticed that Eddie was dressed in his clothes, it was even worse… okay, maybe it was his dicks business too since it seemed to like it so much. And then as Eddie finally pried open his eyes all the way he saw them all sitting there with happy smiles in their silly costumes and Steve… of fuck, Steve. He crossed his arms over his chest in a feeble attempt to hide the jumper, sending a mean glare at Robin for lying whilst growing pink in the cheeks, before forcing a big smile and greeting them all… subtly pulling the claw clip from his hair and pocketing it but not before Steve noticed.
The night was pretty chill overall. They sat around and talked for a while, sharing snacks and ordering a pizza in to eat whilst watching Rocky Horror. The kids always had a way of lightening Eddie’s mood, but he’d never admit such a thing to them, no way. The movie was well past finished now, the television switched off, another mixtape of Eddie’s playing and they all sat around just talking, joking and laughing.
Dustin spoke up with a rather odd suggestion, “How about a game of spin the bottle?”
Steve deadpanned him, “Don’t you have a girlfriend, Henderson? Or are you finally admitting that shes fake?”
“And were all adults, you guys are like ten.” Robin added.
“Well, were not gonna play normal spin the bottle… not really.” Dustin shook his head, “How about, if it lands on two single people of the same age group, they kiss. If it lands on someone who’s in a relationship or someone of a different age group, you have to tell them a secret?”
Nancy & Robin, Jonathan & Argyle, and Will & Mike all shared awkward glancess. None of them were out, not really, only to a few select people so they just hoped that the bottle didn’t land on anyone they had to kiss. And Eddie prayed that it wouldn’t land on Steve, he didn’t think he would be able to deal with that. Not after seventeen months of loving him all on his lonesome.
And so, a little reluctantly, the game began. Dustin spun first, since it was his idea, and he landed on Max, so he shared a quick secret with her and she gave him a very strange look. Then, after brushing that off, she spun the bottle and it landed on Lucas who she happily gave a little kiss. He spun, and it landed on Will, he knew all about Will and Mike (Though, Mike did not know that Lucas knew). Mike tensed, panic flooding him and he was a little unsure as to why his boyfriend wasn’t freaking out either, but when Lucas crawled over to share a secret, he remembered that Max and Lucas were in fact dating. Will was gonna tease him for that one later. Will took the bottle next, giving it a good spin until it landed on Jonothat, and so he leant over and whispered in his brothers ear, “I know about you and Argyle.”
Jonathan went red, and looked over to his boyfriend and smiled sweetly at his brother with a nod before he spun the bottle too. His spin landed on Nancy… and it was awkward. They both shuffled towards one another, and neither of them liked the situation one bit, neither did their significant others, and neither did Eddie, who knew about both relationships, “Just kiss on the cheek,” Eddie suggested whilst fiddling with his rings, he was anxious, “you guys have weird history, a kiss on the cheek is fine.”
And they both gave him a very grateful smile before pecking each other on the cheek and crawling back beside their partners, back to safety. And Nancy took the bottle and the spin landed on Robin. They giggled excitedly and gave eachother a sweet little peck, and then Robin spun it and it landed on Mike. She crawled over to him, and whispered into his ear with a knowing smile, “I like girls.”
And Mike took a deep breath and looked at her wide eyed with a sweet smile, the room suddenly feeling that little bit safer. And she nodded and crawled back to her spot. Mike spun the bottle and it landed on Will. He began to panic, yeah he felt safe kissing Will, but not around anyone, not anyone at all. The only person to know about him possibly being into dudes was Eddie, when he came rambling to him one night in a panic attack after breaking up with El, and they never talked about it again. And so when he nervously leant in, Will just as frightened, though, a little less so, and they gave eachother a little peck, Mikes heart was drumming in his chest. But it didn’t seem to bother anyone at all. No one cared that two boys just kissed. Not a single soul, so they let themselves relax a little. WIll spun then, and it landed on El, so he shared a quick secret with her since theyre siblings… and then El landed on Argyle so she did the same. And her secret had him nodding and smiling and praising her, ‘way to go, man’, which had everyone entirely confused.
And then Argyle spun the bottle and it landed on Jonathan. They kissed a little too passionately, but everyone laughed… the people that didn’t know just assumed it was a joke and thought maybe they were a little high (which they were), and the people that did just found it funny. And then Johnnothan spun, and it landed on Robin. They both lent in for an awkward peck that was very fast and they barely touched and Robin almost grimaced from it. And after shaking that off, Robin spun the bottle and it landed on Eddie. He gave her a big grin, laying the theatrics on thick as per usual. He crawled over with such eagerness and knelt in front of her and smirked, which had people giggling because Eddie and Robin were definitely dating… right? He cupped her cheeks, subtly pressing his thumbs over her lips to create a barricade between him as he pulled her in for an aggressive ‘kiss’, their lips never touching. He held her there for a moment, both struggling not to laugh and he pulled back with a smack of his dry lips, and he laughed, “Damn, Birdie, wish I knew you were such a good kisser, would have been doing that for monthsss.”
That comment had Robin, Nancy, Max, Will, Jonathan and Argule fucking howling. Steve - and the rest of the gang, but mostly Steve - utterly confused as to what was so hilarious it had them crying. After pulling themselves together, Eddie reached for the bottle with a smile, the last remnants of laughter clinging to him as he wiped at a tear, anxiety gone for the moment, and he spun. Him and Robin shared a weird look, their strange form of conversation, as the bottle spun and found themselves laughing some more about something no one else understood, but they didn’t care. And then there were some oohs, and ahhs. Eddie whipped his head over to Dustin and Mike who were pumping their eyebrows at him weirdly, and he turned to look down at the bottle. His heart dropped and his smile faltered, his eyes followed the bottle up to Steve, and he just stared for a moment. He could feel Robin’s gaze burning into him from the side, her heart ached for him. He clenched his jaw, fists forming in his lap and he wanted to cry. His first spin of the night and of course it lands on Steve. Fuck you universe.
“Well, you gonna give me a kiss or not?” Steve asked, and he began to feel a little strange… Eddie seemed so eager to play before, did Steve repulse him or something?
Eddie shook his head and swallowed, slowly crawling his way over to Steve. He really didn’t want to kiss him, he couldn’t deal with that. He’s thought about kissing Steve every singe day for almost two years and now he had to do it for a stupid game of spin the bottle? A stiupid, meaningless game? No, no way. He looked over to Robin, a cry for help, but she didn’t know how to help him either. They could’t pull the gay card, they couldn’t pull the ‘Eddie just doesn’t want to kiss anyone card, and they most certainly couldn’t just be honest about the whole situation. So Eddie had to suck it up and just kiss him. At least it meant he got to get a hint of Steve, right? A quick little taste? No matter how painful, Eddie had been dreaming of it. Eddie knelt in front of Steve now, and smiled at him shakily, he was so hesitant.
“Come on,” Steve grinned, poking Eddie’s shoulder, “you’re always saying I got kissable lips, Ed’s, saying I’m gonna kill the girls with them. Don’t you wanna try for yourself?”
And holy fuck that made everything worse. The one fucking time Steve flirted with him, it was in a meaningless game of spin the bottle where nothing mattered… but that’s not true because everything mattered. Eddie half heartedly laughs, and the room goes tense. Obviously something is off. Steve starts to grow worried, nerves flying and looks at Eddie whilst biting his lip, “You okay?”
Eddie shakes his head, “Ah, yeah… just, never kissed a boy before.” not entirely true, he’s just never kissed anyone he’s had feelings for, letalone someone hes been this fucking in love with. That was a good enough excuse though.
“Oh, well… same.” Steve smiled with a shrug, “So, lay it on me, Munson. I expect the same treatment as Buckley over there.”
Well, there is no way in fuck he was getting that. Eddie forced a laugh and smiled, leaning forward slightly. His hands both found purchase on Steve’s lower thighs, to give himself some stability, and he dug his fingers in deep. His body rattled with anxiety, and he swallowed, taking a shaky breath as he closed his eyes and pulled himself in closer, his grip tightening on Steve’s thighs. Steve furrowed his brow, he didn’t really understand why Eddie was so nervous, he was sure there were gonna be bruises on his thighs now. He watched as Eddie closed his eyes and leaned closer, catching a glimpse of a very worried Robin over his shoulder. She looked almost just as pained as Eddie did, just as… hurt. Steve looked back at Eddie and suddenly, he felt just as nervous. Not only were those same nerves coming into play that arose every time Eddie came close, but they were worse because Eddie was actually about to kiss him, and he was worried about it. Suddenly, Steve wasn’t so sure kissing Eddie was a good idea… but he wanted to. So, so bad. And then Eddie’s lips were on his, and it was just for a second. But in that second, Steve had managed to push himself harder against Eddie in hopes of keeping him there for a little while longer because kissing Eddie was… good. But kissing Steve was frightening. So, so frightening. And it hurts. Because his lips were just as soft as Eddie had dreamed and it was all for a fucking game. It tugged at Eddie’s heartstrings… no, a fucking hammer came face first with his heart and shattered it right there. Because that was all he was ever gonna get from Steve, and it was everything and nothing all at once. He wanted to throw up. He opened his eyes to find Steves twinkling back at him, his soft smile, the delicate crease around his eyes, and holy fuck Eddie couldn’t handle this anymore. He didn’t care what this next move would do, what it would give away, he didn’t care about anything or anyone. And so, as a small tear dripped from his eye, he rushed off to his room and slammed the door behind him, flinging himself under the covers and crying into Steve’s jumper.
Steve sat there for a moment, he was frozen. His brain struggled to catch up with the whole situation but he was sort of smiling. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, and his fingers brushed over his lips, pulling at them gently, at the place where Eddie used to be as he stared at the absent space Eddie had just filled. Eddie had just kissed him, wearing his sweats and his jumper, and he just kissed him. And he was terrified to kiss him. He was so scared he was digging his fingers deep into Steve’s thighs as his body trembled. He thought for a moment. He thought that maybe guys don’t just flirt with each other so much… maybe that was just…. He looked over at Robin who was marching her way towards Eddie’s room.
“Robin,” Steve called out, and she turned to look at him, “is he-”
She shook her head sternly and sighed before pushing into Eddie’s room. Now everyone was confused. Nancy grabbed Steve by the hand, pulling him to his feet and dragging him out the front door. Max followed suit, grabbing the pack of Eddies smokes and a lighter off the coffee table on the way, and shut the door behind them.
“Well… that was weird.” Dustin commented when the little group was left in silence.
‘“Did…” Lucas started, “anyone else think that was sorta… gay?”
There were a few awkward nods shared before El spoke up, “What is… gay?”
Will turned cherry red at that, and Jonothan swooped in with an answer, “Ah, it’s where two boys like eachother… or two girls.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know how you and Mike used to like each other, and would want to kiss…” Dustin added, “It’s like that but with two girls or two guys instead.”
“Is this… not normal?” She quirked an eyebrow.
“Ah, no, not really.” Will shrugged, “A lot of people don’t like gay people… they get beat up for it… for being different.”
“Oh,” El nodded and furrowed her eyebrows, “but you and Mike do the gay all the time.”
Both Mike and Will tensed as all eyes fell on them, Dustin practically screamed, “What?”
“Way to go dudes.” Argyle was nodding with a smile, reaching for a high five which they awkwardly gave.
“Ah…” Will chuckled nervously and looked over at Mike who was bordering a panic attack, “No-”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us! Friends don’t lie, guys.” Dustin shouted again.
“I knew.” Lucas shrugged.
“What?” Mike whipped his head to Will, “You told him?”
“He was the first person I ever came out to, and he wouldn’t stop bugging me about my things for you so I just told him, I’m sorry!”
“Wait, you told Lucas before you told me?” Jonathan asked, a little disappointed.
“Sorry-”
“And why are you dating Mike, of all people-”
“Hey!” Mike shook his head.
“When did that happen?”
“Right after El and him broke up-”
“That long?” Dustin screached, “Jesus christ, I feel betrayed, seriously guys.”
“Tell me about it.” Jonathan rolled his eyes, “And I can’t believe your dating Mike… he’s like-”
“Can you stop hating me, please?” Mike added.
“He will not, ever.” El smiled, “You made me and Will cry. It is Jonathan’s job to hate you, he said.”
After Robin slipped into Eddie’s room and sat beside him on the bed, he crawled his way into her arms, soaking the shoulder of her shirt with his tears, biting back his urge to scream in agony. She didn’t know how to help him, she didn’t know what to do. She felt guilty, like, she could have stopped them from kissing somehow, some way. Eddie just felt stupid, and utterly embaressed. It was just a stupid kiss, to everyone in that room it was just a stupid kiss and he could have played it off as nothing more and left the crying for later in the night. But no, no, seventeen months is too long to be in love without a single hint of that love being reciprocated. Any ounce if it is gonna make his heart swell and beat out of his chest, and if it wasn’t genuine, well, that was gonna tear him apart. And it did. It did tear him apart and now he thought he’d never be able to look his stupid, pretty best freind in the eye again because not only had he made a fool of himself by being so anxious and running away, he kissed him. He kissed him and now nothing would be the same because from that one second of a kiss, that ghost of a touch, that flicker of a taste, he was addicted and he needed more. He needed it badly and if he were too look Steve in the eyes again, he probably wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. And yes, it was greedy, it was so fucking greedy. But maybe he deserved to be a little greedy, maybe just this once. He’d never been greedy before. His heart wanted to be worse than greedy.
Outside on the little porch, Max lit the cigarette and shoved it between Steve’s lips for him, knowing he’d need a distresser, just like Eddie usually did. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head in thought. Nancy folded her arms over her chest and sighed, “Steve… there’s not any chance your gay, is there?”
Steve’s eyes darted up at her mid smoke, he choked on the bitter taste caught in his throat. He’d never thought about it before, but, he knew for a fact boys didn’t just walk around wanting to kiss other boys, wanting to kiss their best friends like that, “Gay- I… I don’t know? No-”
“I didn’t know I was.” She shrugged, trying to give him some sense of comfort in the whole thing.
“But you’re- you’re different.”
She deadpanned him, “How?”
“Your a girl.” He furrowed his brow softly, taking a long drag.
“So what?” Max scoffed, “It’s all the same.”
“No-”
“It took kissing Robin to actually confirm it for me.” Nancy smiled up at him, “Yeah, I had my suspicions but then she just kissed me and I knew that’s definitely what I wanted… have you ever thought about Eddie like that before?”
“I- I don’t-”
“Nancy’s nice, I’m not.” Max grinned up at him, cocking her head to the side, “Were not dumb, Steve. That was a very homosexual reaction to Eddie kissing you. You tried to kiss him harder, you froze, you gasped, you touched your lips, you took a long time to process it… the whole nine yards.”
“But, I’m not- I like girls.”
“And I like guys,” Nancy suggested, “I also like girls, it’s a thing… It can happen. You can like both.”
“Both?”
“Have you thought about kissing Eddie like that, Steve? Before?”
Steve shook his head, “No, not- not really.”
“What do you mean?” Max nudged his side with a hopeful smirk.
“I- he’s just… he’s my best friend.”
Nancy gave Max a confused glance before turning back to Steve, “Okay… have you ever thought about, maybe… doing things you do with girls… with Eddie?”
Steve swallowed thickly and Nancy grabbed his hand, “Have you ever-” Steve snapped his hand away, and Nancy took a second before continuing, “Have you ever thought about… sleeping with him, or kissing him, or… cuddling with him… maybe, something like that?”
“I-” Steve scratched the place between his brow with his thumb, cigarette between his fingers still, “I don’t know, Nancy.”
“Okay, okay, Steve,” She tried to calm him, “It’s okay if you have. We’re both more than okay with it, you’re safe here. It’s safe, okay?”
“O- okay.” He swallowed and nodded slowly, “Okay.”
Max lightly kicked his shin as he took another drag of his smoke, “I always thought you blushed a little too much around him to be straight. And… remember that time I caught you sporting his Hellfire tee whilst checking yourself out in the mirror?”
Nancy let out a little laugh as he dropped his head in shame, pinching the bridge of his nose and he leant back against the door, “Fuck,” he looked back up at the girls who wore hopeful looks, “is Eddie…?”
They swallowed and shook their heads, “We don’t know, sorry.” a lie, but they weren’t just gonna out Eddie.
“I thought he had a thing for Robin.” He shrugged in a half mumble to himself.
“No,” Nancy snorted, “that’s platonic with a capital P.”
“Okay,” he sighed and let his mind wander. He thought back to the kiss they just shared, how it made him feel… a whole string of things really. He tried to deepen it, but Eddie pulled away… why? He thought about how he really needed it to happen again, he could still feel Eddie on his lips. It felt really good, “I think I like Eddie.”
The girls shared hopeful glances at one another before putting their game faces back on, Nancy took the lead, “You think, or you know?”
Steve thought for a moment, a long moment. He thought back through the past year and a half, how ever since the upside down he’s had this pull towards the boy. Hes had this need to be close to him constantly, how he craved the smell of him (even though it’s just cheap cologne, cigarettes, a little three in one shampoo, occasionally some weed, laundry detergent on the earlier days of the week… it was just so… Eddie), how he likes it a lot when Eddies close by and how it makes him tingle when they touch. He thought about those night when he wished Eddie was laying beside him, nursing him to sleep in his arms, or those niughs when hed wake up in a cold sweat and wish Eddie were there to hold him and reassure im it was just a dream. He thought about kissing Eddie again. He thought about kissing him harde, and longer, maybe even holding him closer and feeling his body pressed flush against his own. He took another smoke, picturing Eddie for a little longer, his eyes fixed on the gravel in front of his parked car, a small smile curled absentmindedly on his lips. He thought back to Eddie walking out of his room tonight, when Steve gaught a glimpse of his happy trail, and his pale skin and what was left of that sick tattoo he had on his waiiste under his scars… the matching scars they had (even though the thought of romantisizing their trauma was slightly fucked up but, ahhh, anuthing to connect himself to Eddie). He thought about how when he did see that, see Eddie in his clothes, and his midriff, a little blood rushed to his cock. And he thought about Eddie, and how he was inside right now, still dressed in Steves clothes, right after kissing him, and how he needed to excuse himself afterwards because to Eddie… that kiss was more than just a mere kiss of spin the bottle. No. for the first time in his goddnamned fucking life, Steve didn’t feel so oblivious, well… he was second guessing himself of course, no, the idea that Eddie wanted to kiss Steve so much it made his whole body shake was just too good of a thought. So yes, he second guessed himself even though there was no heterrosexual explanation for Eddies behaviour tonight, “Why did he leave, then?”
“What?” Max asked.
“After he kissed me, why did he leave?” He had to be sure, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Eddie. No, he could never. He needed to look good in front of Eddie. He needed to look Steve in front of Eddie.
“I really don’t know, Steve.” Nancy lied.
Steve nodded, “I know I like Eddie.”
Max grinned and looked over at Nancy, who was grinning just the same, before turning back to Steve, “You should probably talk to him, Steve.”
“Yeah-” He fiddled with the smoke between his fingers, still feeling a little dazed and confused with the whole realisation, “Yeah, I probably should.”
He pushed himself off the door and back inside, down towards Eddie’s room. The girls grabbed each other by the hands from a moment and squeezed, doing a minni celebratory dance because OhMyFuckingGod! SomethingWasFinallyHappening! And they giddily, and hope filled, ran inside, following Steve down the little hallway to Eddie’s room. He didn’t even think to knock before flinging the door open. It was hard to see, since his room was dark, the only light let in was from the doorway now. Steve felt his chest tighten at the sight before him, at Robin stroking Eddie’s hair as he cried into her shoulder. And his cries sounded so broken. Like he’d gone through this one too many times and he was just… empty. And he was. He was so, so lost, and so, so empty. Robin looked up at the doorway, her grip around Eddie tightening as she noticed Steve with her tear filled eyes. Steve swallowed and dropped the doorknob from his hand as Eddie looked up, his sobs quieting. His face was pale, so, so pale - save the red of his cheeks and nose - and his eyes were bloodshot and heavy and his lashes were glued together by his tears, and his cheeks and lips were wet from crying and his nose was a little snotty and his hair was a mess, but Steve still thought he was so pretty. And he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of Robin because he would give anything to be the one Eddie confided in when he was hurting, he’d give anything to be the one to stroke his hair and assure him that things would get better, even if they wouldn’t. Eddie tensed and turned away, wiping at his tears, a few sparse sobbs leaving his lips as he did. He really didn’t need Steve to see him like this. It only made him more embarrassed. Nancy pushed past Steve and grabbed Robin by the arm, prying her away from Eddie. Prying his safety net away until it was gone. She was gone and now it was just Eddie and Steve in the dark, dark room, the door shut behind them, and both of them dressed in Steve’s clothes. Steve was the first to speak, and it was quick, unexpected almost, “Are-”
“Sorry,” Eddie sniffled and wiped the last of his tears away, “sorry, I just… I don’t know why I’m crying, it’s stupid.”
“I’m sorry.” Steve was cautious, he didn’t want to move in case he scared Eddie, he was scared himself.
“Why are you sorry?” Eddie turned back to face him, though it was still hard to see in the darkness of the room. He brought his knees to his chest, still tucked under his messy blanket, trying his best to hide Steve’s yellow sweater.
“I-“ Steve shook his head, “I obviously did something wrong, can we talk about that, please?” He sounded sincere and genuine, and sweet and compassionate.
God no, never. You could never do anything wrong.
“No.” Eddie shook his head and sighed, his eyes glancing away from Steve, it was too hard to look at him for too long, it made his heart ache, “I’ve just been… glum, lately.”
Steve slowly nodded, “Glum?”
Eddie nodded too, but he didn’t say anything. But the brief look he gave Steve, with those big, dark, desperate eyes was enough for Steve to at least half understand. Well, he hoped he did anyway. He hated being oblivious. Especially when it was hurting his Eddie so much.
“So, it wasn’t because I took your first kiss with a dude?” Steve shuffled in his spot, fingers twitching to only then realise he still had the cigarette in his hand. It had burnt down and the hot end of it was almost at his fingers, the ash discarded to a small pile on Eddie’s carpet, the thick smell of smoke lingered in the air. Though, that wasn’t very different from the usual state of this room. He lifted his hand, looking at the cigarette and then around the room for somewhere to put it out. Eddie grabbed the ashray from beside his bed and held it out for Steve to use, his eyes fixed on the smoke rather than the boy himself. Steve began to walk over as Eddie responded, trying to sound casual.
“No, course not.”
Steve stubbed his cigarette out in the tray and exhaled slowly, Eddie placed it back on the bedside, and Steve kept his feet glued to the carpet. He didn’t want to step away, he wanted to get closer, to hold Eddie and to kiss him and to assure him that all this hurt… whatever it may be, would dissipate eventually. But he didn’t do that, he was afraid, and so was Eddie. So he stood there, his hands now resting on his hips, “Then…” he shrugged, his head tipped to the side as he did, and Eddie finally met his eyes, “why are you so tense?”
Eddie hugged himself tighter, his thighs pressed flush against his torso and he rested his chin on his knees, looking into the empty space of his cluttered room ahead, rather than beside him at Steve. He couldn’t lie to his face, he just couldn’t bear it. He wasn’t lying, per say, but he definitely wasn’t being honest and that was just as hard, “Uhm… I don’t know.”
Steve didn’t like the thought of making Eddie so tense, so nervous, so… uncomfortable. So, he opted to ease the conversation a little, an attempt to lighten the mood and ease his way into the reality of it. The reality of his feelings and hopefully Eddie’s shared ones, “You were grabbin me so hard I think you left some bruises behind.”
Eddie looked up at him again, his eyes were wide and his cheeks were red. He looked terrified, embarrassed… pretty. Always so pretty. Eddie bit his lip and shook his head slightly, he wanted to cry again, “I’m sorry.”
He had really expected Ed to make some filthy joke or flirtatious comment, as per usual, but no. no he just… apologised. He realised that the gravity of this situation was really weighing Eddie down because humour was Eddie’s go to deflecting mechanism in vulnerable times, he hated being vulnerable. He was always using humour, but now he… he just couldn’t bring himself too? Because it was too… painful?… too real?, “It’s okay…” he shrugged, he wanted to make Eddie laugh, to make him smile or even blush, so, he tried to make a joke instead, “I like havin’ bruises on my things anyway.” he winked at him.
He swore he saw Eddie’s nose flare and his eye twitch, though he thought that could have been the dark playing tricks with his mind, his sight had really faltered after all those concussions. But he was right, Eddie’s nose did flare and his eye did twitch because why the fuck was the one time Steve making some flirtatious comment now? The one time Eddie didn’t want to joke or flirt, Steve did? That burned his chest. It felt like someone had gone and shoved a flaming hot iron spike down his thought and through his insides, burning his flesh inside out, torturing him, killing him so, so slowly. He swallowed thickly, he held his body taught to prevent from shaking so visibly, “Right.”
Steve stiffened, he really did not want that reaction. He thought it may ease Eddie into a more lighthearted setting, making talking about their feelings less intimidating. But no, clearly Eddie was hurting too much for that, and Steve hated that he was the one hurting Eddie like that. He had always made it his priority, ever since that poor cheerleader died on that humid March night, to protect Eddie, to shield him, to make sure he was okay. To make sure he was safe. And right now, Steve was making Eddie feel the opposite of safe, “Sorry.”
Eddie glanced at Steve, just for a moment before fixing his chin safely on his knees again, his hair falling around his face, creating a little cave to hide in. He began to grow irritated, his emotions were flooding him and he wanted to break down again. He needed Robin, or Nancy, or Max, or Wayne, or literally anyone in the world, because his heart was constricting in his chest and making him weak. Making him fragile and vain. Rendering him nothing more than the Freak who cried after kissing a boy in a game of spin the bottle, “Why are you apologising?” his tone was harsh, and sharp, he was deflecting, he didn’t have the energy for compassion now.
Steve took a small step back, he didn’t want to irritate him anymore, “I don’t-”
“Look, it’s real sweet of you to apologise, even though you don’t even know what happened. But i’m clearly not in the mood for dirty jokes or you right now, so please, can you-”
“I thought I was your best friend?” Steve’s words were barely a whisper, they were dripping with hurt, but Eddie heard them. He heard them, and it just hurt his heart so much more. Because he was Eddie’s best friend and he hated pushing him away, he hated that his mood now was hurting Steve even slightly and he hated himself so much for neglecting Steve for the past week. But the fact that Steve was his best friend, was the reason he had been neglecting him, why he was coming across so harsh now. Because Eddie had him so, so close, all the time, and yet, he was so fucking far. And god it fucking cut him deeper than any knife, or any fucking flesh eating demobat ever could. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, and he took a deep breath, composing himself just enough to say these next words,
“You are-”
“Then why don’t you want me around?” Steve’s tone was sharper now, and he took that little step forward which made Eddie flinch. Steve immediately recoiled his actions.
Because I’m fucking in love with you, Goddnammnit.
“Because!” Eddie threw an arm out in hopes that a reasonable explanation would fly right into his hand, he hesitated for a moment, letting his mind wander when nothing came, “because… Steve.” He took a deep breath, his tone softened again, he refused to look at him, “You’re the reason I’m in this ‘mood’, of course I don’t want you around.”
“So…” Steve relaxed his shoulders, taking in a shaky breath as he tipped his head to get a better look at Eddie, shying away, “it was because of our kiss then?” he swallowed. He had kissed Eddie… and Eddie was upset about it… mad about it, even?
Eddie looked up at him, and he really didn’t mean to say that, or imply that because now he had given too much away. He felt his chest tighten some more and he brought a hand to clutch at his heart in hopes of leaviating some of the ache there. His doe eyes were wide on Steve as they just searched his face, praying that Steve would speak instead. But he didn’t, he just looked at Eddie, searching his eyes for an answer, and so Eddie let out a hefty sigh, “Fine, you got me.”
Steve nodded, his feet glued in place as he wobbled a little, arms folding across his chest as he took a deep breath. Once again, Stevies blatant obliviousness was coming into play because he thought that he had absolutely grossed Eddie out with that kiss, because that was the most reasonable explanation, right? Obviously he would be repulsed because Eddie’t not gay… and even if he was, why would he ever want to kiss Steve? Sure, girls wanted to kiss him all the time, he was a good looking guy, he knew that, but that’s all they wanted. They wanted physical, any time he tried to get to the meaningful with him they’d just turn away and try to blow him instead. And so, why would Eddie want to kiss him at all? Because being gay in Hawkins didn’t really leave room for meaningless gay sexual encounters, it was too risky, especially with your best friend. So yes, obviously Eddie was so shaken up and disgusted with kissing Steve that he had to leave the room, because that just made the most sense… didn’t it? He was so, so sorry, “What about it?” he just needed to know because he was clining to that slight slither of hope that it could have been because Eddie really did want to kiss him, and was just scared of his feelings. He prayed it was that one so much, “Because I’m a guy? Or because it was with me?”
Eddie hung his head down low, his forehead now resting against the tops of his knees, his fringe awkwardly pressed between. His breath fell heavy, his eye began to water and he wanted to scream and shove Steve out of the room and cry… and god he wanted to kiss Steve even more. He felt so full of shame as he mumbled, “Both.”
Steve nodded, he stumbled on his words a little, a spike of fear travelling up his spine, “You’re not… your not homo- homophobic… are you?”
Eddie squinted his eyes, peering up at the boy with a sense of uncertainty and confusion, “No… of course not…” he forgot how oblivious Steve could be some times, too many hits to the head, that made Eddie’s heart drop a little lower, “Of course now, you know I know about Rob and Nance.”
“Right, yeah, of course.” Steve nodded, scratching his chin as he searched for the words, “It’s just that… they have never explicitly said they were dating… or really even kissed in front of the both of us, so… i thought maybe you might-”
“Sometimes your obliviousness baffles me, Steven.” Eddie sighed and hid his head back on his knees, “Look, Steve,” Steve didn’t like how Eddie’s profound use of nicknames were not being used in this entire conversation, “I’m kind of having a moment here… clearly, so I would just appreciate it if you left me to my lonesome. Maybe you could get Rob on the way back out so I can cry to her some more because you’re really cramping my style right now.”
There was the humour Steve was so desperately searching for before, only now it felt… yucky. Like a sour taste in both of their mouths. A sour taste that Steve felt the need to sweeten. He took a little step closer, his voice dripped with compassion and had such a soft, tender tone to it. It’s the voice he’d use after consoling one of the kids or Robin after a panic attack, “You still want to cry?”
Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, his head slightly raised now and he gritted his teeth, “God, Steve!”
He took a shaky breath, his heart pulling at his chest as it tightened, and he sat down on the edge of the bed, right beside Eddie. He sat by Eddie’s feet, his knee resting on the mattress at Eddie’s side, the other hanging off the edge as he faced him. And he placed a tender hand on Eddie’s forearm with a gentle smile. Their eyes fixed on one other, Eddie’s heart practically leapt out of his chest. They let themselves get lost in eachothers eyes for just a moment, just the slightest moment but goodness, it was such a beautiful moment. Steve tilted his head a little, his hair lightly bouncing with the movement in the way that always made Eddie feel giddy and love sick. And a small tear worked its way from Eddie’s eye, which he was quick to wipe away with a hefty ounce of shame. Steve took another deep breath, this one a little less shaky then the last, “You can cry to me if you want.”
Eddie sat still, almost frozen in place as he watched Steve extend his arms out with a small shrug, inviting Eddie in. and god, maybe it was fucking selfish but who fucking cared at this point, Eddie would take what he could fucking get. He just wanted to find that warm safety in Steve’s arms, to hold him close, to listen to his heartbeat and smell him. And so, with a little hesitation, Eddie folded. He really couldn’t hold back any longer. The emotions fell heavy, like a dark cloud hung over his head, waiting to bucket down with freezing rain and hail, for the thunder to crash and beat in his chest and for the lightning to strike. And so, he lowered his knees, letting himself sit on top of them now as he shuffled towards Steve like a measly little five year old who had scraped their knee after falling off their bike, and let Steve pull him tight into his arms. Eddie hugged himself tight, his hands gripping at the soft, yellow jumper that no longer smelt like Steve, as the boy he loved so much splayed one hand flat across his back and the other on his shoulder as he cradled Eddie close. His nose brushed up against the top of Eddie’s head, and he let himself breathe in Eddie’s scent as he kept him safe there. Steve let himself wonder in that moment, how he had never let himself wonder like that before. Maybe it was his father, maybe it was Tommy, maybe it was Hawkins as a whole that had stopped him from having those same thoughts about boys that he had about girls. But god, right now, he knew that those thoughts about Eddie felt more right than anything. More safe, more sure. His heart ached in his chest because he knew he was undeserving. This was just God’s way of punishing him for hurting Eddie before, wasn’t it? Some fucked up sadistic way of punishment for hurting Eddie, for hurting Nancy, for hurting everyone in his past. Punishing him by making him find such deep love or adoration for these people in his life, and know that he would never, ever be good enough for them. And it stung. But that wouldn’t change anything, ever. No, he will protect Nancy, till the day he dies, even though she definitely did not need his protection. He would protect Robin till the day he died, even though he hasn’t let her down yet, not really. And he would most definitely protect Eddie till the day he died and longer, because Eddie needed someone to protect him, to love him, and to care for him from the sidelines and watch him grow. And god forbid, Steve would let anyone else take that role. No, that was his role. And whilst a life without being able to kiss Eddie sounded like absolute tourture now, he would accept it, because as long as Eddie was happy, and safe, and smiling… Well that’s all Steve ever wanted for the boy. Steve tightened his grip around Eddie, his cheek pressed against the top of his dark mass of tangles and he stroked the ends of them so softly and listened as Eddie cried. He felt his shirt dampen on his chest, he felt Eddie’s hot breath there, he felt Eddie’s body shake and jolt in his grip, and he just held him tighter, whispering calming affirmations in an attempt to settle him. His heart ached for Eddie, he just wished he could stop the hurt somehow. Eddie had so much pain in his heart it ached his entire body. He felt frail and breakable and like he couldn’t move or his limb would simply snap off. His heart weighed so heavy in his chest his body had to slump forward to be able to support it. There was a loud thump in his head and a ringing in his ears that blocked out the heart wrenching sounds of his cries. His cries for Steve, the boy he loved, the boy who was holding him close and stroking his hair and telling him it would be okay. Steve felt his own tears falling now, and he pressed a soft kiss to the top of Eddie’s head. And Eddie tensed, his jaw clenched, his fists tightened and his heart felt like it was being sliced in half with an axe. Steve felt this shift in Eddie, and so he took a steady breath and decided to speak, “Do you want to talk about it, Eddie?”
Of course he didn’t. God no, of course he didn’t it would hurt him so, so much. But, if not now, then when? How long would he have to suffer like this if he didn’t just… be honest. At least, if Steve was repulsed by the reality of Eddie’s feelings he would walk away, and then Eddie wouldn’t have to look at his stupid, pretty face every other day or listen to the soft sound of his voice and continually have his heart ripped out. And plus, he knew if he didn’t give an answer now, Steve would keep pestering him until he gave an honest one, “I didn’t want to kiss you, Steve.” was all he could muster up the courage and energy to say.
That was like a hammer to his heart, but he swallowed the lump in his throat and sniffled until his tears stopped, “No?”
Eddie shook his head, still tucked safely into Steve’s chest, no, looking at him would make everything a whole lot harder, “It wasn’t my first kiss with a dude, you know? I kissed em before in stupid games of spin the bottle and stuff… I’ve just never kissed someone that… counted… someone that meant something to me.”
Steve tensted, and Eddie felt it, he freaked out a little. Steve took a deep breath and continued to speak, “Like… your best friend? Or do you mean…”
Eddie took a deep breath too now, “I’ve kissed Gareth before… he’s my best friend. That didn’t bother me one bit, it was just… it was just a stipid kiss with him.”
Steve bit his lip and stroked Eddie’s hair again, trying to soothe him as he felt Eddie’s cries start to deepen again, “Are you… do-” he sighed heavily, just fucking say it Steve, “Are you gay, Eddie?”
Eddie began to cry harder and he buried himself deeper into Steve’s chest, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, don’t hate me, please.”
That made Steve’s heart twist in his chest, hate you? Hate you? Fuck, Eddie i could never hate you. He licked his lips and forced his nerves down, “And did you not want to kiss me because your gay… or because,” he played with the ends of Eddie’s hair as he spoke, “you like me?”
Eddie sat back up now, pulling away from Steve to get a proper look at him. Steve’s arms fell to his sides, resting limp on his thighs and suddenly he felt so empty, so cold. He wanted Eddie back. And Eddie looked at him with those glassy, chocolate doe eyes, his face pale with a flush of red on his cheeks all wet with tears, his lips plump from his sobs and the bottom one red from his constant need to bite it, a little snot in his nose. He looked utterly broken, his hair was frayed around his face and his expression was so… desperate, wrecked, and needy. Steve forced back his need to grab Eddie by his warm cheeks and kiss his tears away. Eddie didn’t speak for a moment, he was trying to fix his breathing and find his words, his mind was blurry. All he could think about was Steve. Stevie, as he liked to call him. Princess. Sweetheart. He thought how now, if he was honest, he would probably never be able to call him those things again. He chewed at his lip and diverted his gaze, “Would you hate me if I said it was?”
“God, Eddie!” And now Steve was the irritated one, and it made Eddie flinch back again, his knees pressed back to his chest to try and hide, and Steve sighed and shook his head and let another tear fall, “Why do you keep thinking I’m gonna hate you? I could never fucking hate you.”
Eddie slowly looked up at Steve who was just staring at him, eyes wide, trying to send the fucking message across. And Eddie felt his heart sink. He slowly nodded and let his eyes flicker around the room, they landed on his guitar for a moment, and he sniffled, and let the words fall, “I’m in love with you.” he flicked his eyes back over to Steve.
He tensted, nay, he froze. His breath hitched and he made some weird sound he didn’t mean too in shock. Eddie, quite frankly, looked terrified. He was terrified. In this moment he felt more terrified then he did with any battle in the upside down, even facing death. Right now, he would rather be back on the cold, damp ground of the upside down with countless demon bats from hell sinking their razor sharp teeth into his warm flesh, screaming in pain and for his life as they ate them alive. Because that was less painful than what he had going on with Steve. Steve rubbed his hand over his mouth, taking a moment to process Eddie’s words, Eddie’s tone, his expression. He took a long, shaky breath and fought back a smile, “You’re… in love with… me?”
Eddie’s lip trembled and he bit down on it to stop it, it just hurt so much because now he knew, and now, all of this… this seventeen months of falling hopelessly in love would change… and it would all have been for nothing, “Yes. And i have been since you bit the head off of that fucking deamon bat.” they both snickered.
“Really?” Steve’s face softened, and he smiled and Eddie thought he had a sense of hopefulness about him. But that was just wishful thinking… right?
Eddie blushed a little, but the room was too dark to notice, plus… his cheeks were already bright red. He rested his chin on his knees, eyes refusing to leave Steve. No, he wanted to study him, to figure out what was going on in that oblivious head of his, “Yes.” He nodded slightly, honestly, I’m surprised Max was the only one to figure it out, “And so, kissing you tonight wasn’t just a stipid kiss in a game of spin the bottle. It was like, years of built up feelings smushed into one stupid kiss that wasn’t reciprocated and was meaningless and it just… broke me all over again.”
Steve furrowed his eyebrows, he thought for a moment, “Again?” he’d done this to Eddie before?”
Eddie sighed and shook his head, refusing to give an honest answer. But Steve was persistent, and so, he pressed, “No, what…” Steve tipped his head, eyes soft, “have I hurt you before?”
Eddie softened his eyes, his lids falling half shut as he huffed a long sigh, he forced a smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes, “Only every day.” he shrugged a little and forced a laugh, Steves heart ached, “It sucks enough knowing your gay… it sucks more knowing your gay for your incrediably hetero best friend… who often talks about his several sexual encounters.”
Steve pressed a hand to his mouth in shock, “Oh my- fuck… I am so sorry.” and it was genuine.
Eddie shrugged, forcing his smile some more, “You get used to it… it helps when you got a Birdie to cry too. Plus, she was in the same boat for about ten months… but it got harder when she got what she needed.”
“Needed-” Steve looked at Eddie with such sympathy, watching the way Eddie hid himself back behind his knees and his hair. Steve chewed at his thumb nail and just looked for a moment, processing it… it was so hard to process, everything was just so… knew to him, “Wait, do Nance and Max know about this?”
Eddie nodded, “Yeah.”
“Assholes,” He muttered to himself, “they told me they had no idea.”
Eddie lifted his head properly and furrowed his eyebrows, “What, when?”
Steve shrugged, anxiously bobbing his knee whilst Eddie fiddled with his ring, “They just pulled me out side and asked if I was…” he looked at Eddie, his movement stilling, “gay. And then I asked if you were too, they said they didn’t know-”
Eddie’s eyes widened, it was probably wishful hearing but, “Too?”
Steve swallowed, he hadn’t realised he said that. But, he couldn’t stop the bubble in his stomach and the little giddy smile that forced its way to his lips, and so he let it. He ran a hand through his hair and smiled so warmly, Eddie thought he was about to burst, “Yeah, too… though…” he swallowed again and shuffled half an inch closer, leaning forward a little to whisper, “I didn’t know until you kissed me about ten minuets ago.”
Eddie didn’t show a slither of expression on his face, it was just blank, but inside… oh, inside he was screaming, “So, you like guys too?”
“Yes.” Steve’s smile began to falter, he was a little unsure of himself now… why the fuck wasn’t Eddie happy… or sad… or anything for that matter.
Eddie nodded once, remaining expressionless, and he spoke in monotone, “And you…”
“I think…” Steve cleared his thoughts and straightened his back, he struggled to meet Eddie’s dark eyes, “I think I’m into you too… I don’t know if it’s love, I mean I love you definelly as my friend, but romantically, I’m not sure. I realise that these… weird feelings… these desires I’ve had that I’m only reealising are things that gay men feel, have been around since you had me pinned up against that wall in the old boat house… remember, and you were- you had the bottle… I- this is embarrassing but I got a boner… I really don’t know why I didn’t realise I’m gay- or… half gay, till now. But, that’s- that’s me. And so yeah, I guess I’ve been into you for a while but… I don’t exactly, really… understand everything yet.”
Eddie bit his lip harshly, he closed his eyes and let out a long puff of air. Anger. Steve was terrified. Eddie gritted his teeth, “So, your telling me that I have waisted a year and a half of fucking tears on you?” his eyes shot open, and they were dark.
Steve’s lips parted slightly, that definitely was the last thing he expected Eddie to say. It made his heart jump, “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”
“Why the fuck did no one suggest a game of spin the bottle in the fucking upside down?” He shook his head, the anger still prominent in his tone… but he was… joking? Steve quirked an eyebrow, a little unsure if he should laugh or not, and so Eddie continued to speak, “I would have saved so much fucking energy. And to think, you would have much nicer bruises on your thighs by now.”
Steve let himself laugh now, it was a short burst of a laugh and he was quick to slap a hand over his lips. But then Eddie was laughing too, and so they laughed together, eyes growing wet with both hurt and happiness and they just looked at eachother, smiles big on their lips. Eddie rested his cheek on his knees, smiled so soft and eyes bright and alive. A sudden feeling of contentment washed over them, and it was peaceful. The ache in Eddie’s body began to dissipate and for the first time in seventeen months, he didn’t ache for Steve. He started to cry again, heavily. Steve shuffled closer and placed his hands on either side of Eddie’s head, holding him so soft, stroking his hair every so often as he pressed a few sparse kisses to the top of Eddie’s head. Steve’s whisper was delicate, “I’m sorry, Eddie.”
He wiped his tears on the sleeve of Steve’s yellow jumper, sniffling a little before looking up, “It’s okay.”
Steve shook his head, “It’s not. It’s not okay, I had no idea I was hurting you so much.”
Eddie smiled, and it met his eyes this time, his wet, pretty eyes, “But you didn’t know, because I didn’t let you see.” He gently grabbed Steve’s hand from his face and held them tight, “You didn’t know, and so it’s okay.”
“But,” Steve still felt horrible, “still, I-”
“Stevie.” Eddie pressed, and Steve couldn’t help but smile at the name. The name he loved so dearly. The name that only Eddie called him. Eddie rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Steve’s hand, and it was strange that he was the one comforting now, when he was still the one with tears falling from his eyes, “I didn’t want you to know. And it wasn’t you that hurt me. It was because of you, I was hurting myself. You didn’t mean to sweep me off my feet and get me falling head over heels or anything, that’s just your Steve charm-” both of them laughed a little, “but I hurt myself for continually flirting with you, even though I knew you would never flirt back- you just… you just always got so pink in the cheeks and I couldn’t help myself, I love your smile. And- it’s my fault for spending so much time with you, I could have just… not… you know, let myself have some room to get over you but I couldn’t help myself. I really couldn’t, you just make me happy… even when you go on about having sex with girls in the back of your car and how great they are and how you just wished one of them was meaningful… and how you wanted to settle down with someone and fall in love. It’s my fault for letting those conversations happen, my fault for indulging them time after time because I just loved to learn about what you wanted in life. And then I’d go home and picture myself in your silly scenarios instead… picture myself in your dreams until I inevitably cry myself to sleep. It’s embarrassing, really, but… it’s not your fault at all because there have been countless times where I could have just pulled the plug before I fell too deep but I didn’t. Because I love you, and loving you is everything to me.”
Steve’s heart sunk in his chest because… oh god he needed to cry. Oh god he was already crying. He’d spent seventeen months trying and trying with all these pointless girls when he had Eddie there, ready and waiting all that fucking time and… he’s never had someone… feel for him like that before. He’s never had someone… love him so openly before. And it hurt so much because he finally, after twenty years of living, had someone to give him the love he so desperately needed. The love that not even his own mother could give him. And so yes, he was crying like a fucking lunatic but so was Eddie and it was safe. It was safe because they could both cry like lunatics together. Eddie pulled Steve’s hands close to his chest, shuffling in a little closer. He cupped his calloused hands on Steve’s warm, wet cheeks and swiped his thumbs along the high of his cheek bones, the tips brushing along his bottom lashes. They were close now, so, so close, Eddie could feel Steve’s warm breath on his face and it was so inviting. Eddie smiled so softly, his voice barely a whisper, “What’s got you crying now Steve?”
He sobbed some more, a heavy sob that came from the depths of his chest and he grabbed Eddie’s wrists, his thumbs brushing over the pale skin as he looked deep into those chocolate eyes, “You really do love me?”
Eddie nodded, his forehead pressed against Steves and their noses brushed togher, “More than I’ve ever loved anything, actually… and it’s… terrifying.”
Steve’s grip on Eddie’s wrists tightened and his eyes blinked shut for a moment, “I promise I’m gonna love you like that soon.”
Eddie laughed, a slight sniffle following, “You shouldn’t promise something so valuable, Stevie. Might end up breaking my heart.”
Steve moved one of his hands to cup the back of Eddie’s neck, his fingers lacing though his hair as he whispered, “I never want to break your heart… again.”
Eddie smiled softly, his eyes closing for a moment too, “And I never want to break yours, and I honestly don’t think I ever could.” he took a shaky breath, “I know this is all new to you, and I don’t want to scare you, or overwhelm you or anything like that, Steve, but to me… you are… everything. I mean, I have so much love for you I have literally got an entire notebook dedicated to songs about you-”
Steve laughed, “You wrote songs about me?”
“So many.” Eddie smiled, “You just… you make my life better without even meaning too. And yes, I have spent the better part of those seventeen months crying my heart out for you… I mean, I was making myself sick with grief so bad Wayne thought I had AIDS or Cancer or… something like that… that’s why he hates you, by the way. He hates you because you are supposedly not a homosexual.”
“Wait, really?” Steve pulled his face back a little, chewing at his lip, “That’s why? I have been trying to suck up so hard.”
Eddie smiled, “He’ll come around.” Eddie swiped his thumbs over Steves cheeks again, “I don’t expect you to ever love me back, that… that would be asking for more than I could ever deserve-” Steve tried to speak, but Eddie didn’t let him interrupt, “I just want you to be happy, and I want to be the one to provide that happiness, if that’s what you want. But, if you need more time to… understand all this… your feelings… any of it, that’s okay. If you don’t want to be with me, that’s okay too. I just hope you want to keep me around, and don’t feel bad. Okay? If you’re gonna reject me now, just do it because at least then I know for sure and I can try my best to move on and maybe you could help me-”
“I’m not gonna reject you, Eddie.” Steve slid a little closer, as close as he could get, both of them straightening up a little, “I wouldn’t- i wouldn’t come in here and confess to you that you were like… my awakening into homosexuality and then reject you. That would be… incredibly stupid.”
“But if you need more time-”
“You’re sweet.” Steve smiled, and his heart drummed in his chest so fast, “You know, ever since the upside down you are the person I think about the most. You make me so happy, and the days and weeks you disappear like that make me… I don’t know, I cry a lot because I miss you and I think I’ve done something wrong… which I now realise that it was definitely because I’ve done something wrong.. And holy fuck, wait…”
“Steve-”
“No, Eddie.” Steve shook his head, pulling Eddie’s hands away from his face to hold them, “Did you really make yourself sick over me?”
“Can we please not talk about this?” Eddie diverted his gaze.
Steve grabbed him by the chin, gently of course, and guided his face back to look at him, “Thanksgiving last year, you came over for the dinner I hosted, and you had dark rings under your eyes… you looked like shit… and you, you barely ate, and you got really drunk and you were vomiting so much I was about to call the ambule-”
“Please, Steve.” Eddie swallowed.
“Because?”
“Because you invited that girl to the thanksgiving that we were gonna host together.” his tone was meek and he felt so small.
Steves felt sick, “I’m so sorry-”
“Please,” Eddie begged, “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll-”
Eddie sighed, “I know it’s not okay, but Steve I really love you and I’m already an insecure guy so… so things just affected me… a whole lot more than they should have.” Eddie shook his head, he felt his heart twisting in his chest again, that ache coming back, “As I said, it’s bad enough being gay in Hawkins, it’s worse loving a guy who- I thought- only liked women.”
Steve nodded slowly and placed his hands firm on Eddie’s shoulders, “You never have to feel that again,” he cupped the sides of Eddie’s neck and dipped his head to get a better look at him, “I’m gonna get on my knees and beg for Wayne’s forgiveness, and your never gonna hear about a girl like that ever again.”
Eddie forced a smile, “Wayne will probably give you a boot to the ass if you did that… he likes honeycomb chocolate a lot.”
Steve smiled sweetly and nodded, “Okay, lucky I can steal my dad’s credit card and buy him a year’s supply of it… don’t tell him I used dad’s money though.”
Eddie looked up with a genuine smile now and swept some hair back from his face, “Promise your secrets safe with me… both of them, for that matter. I’m not gonna tell a soul, Stevie, not even Rob. that’s your choice, okay?”
Steve nodded, “I’m sorry if I forced your choice away just then.”
Eddie shook his head and played with Steve’s hand, “I needed to tell you eventually, plus, I basically outed myself by storming off like that. Hopefully the kids are all cool with it.”
“They totally admire you, they will be.” Steve assured him, both of their eyes focused on the way Eddie was fiddling with Steve’s fingers. The action, the feeling, sent shivers up Steve’s spine. It wasn’t the first time Eddie had done something like this, he was a rather touchy person, physical touch was a vital element to his happiness. That’s why those weeks got so bad, he’d shut himself off from the world and fall deeper and deeper into the hole he dug because no one was there, he was just alone, not even Wayne was there to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder half the time because he was working so much. But this time, this time it felt different. Because not only was his best friend fiddling with his fingers, it was his best friend who he was falling hard for, and who was head over fucking heals in love with him.
“Hopefully.” Eddie smiled.
“So much for your bad boy mantra…” Steve shrugged, catching Eddie’s confused eye now, “Bad boys in bands, branded as town freaks aren’t supposed to get love sick.”
Eddie smiled wide, and he almost laughed, his eyes twinkled with it even in the dark room, “Well, I never conform to stereotypical roles, Sweetheart.”
Steve grinned, his cheeks heating with pink, “Is that what I am? Your sweetheart?”
Eddie furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you mean?” he scoffed, “You’ve always been my sweetheart.” he continued to fiddle with Steve’s hand.
“Yeah, but…” Steve shrugged, “I don’t know… don’t worry.” he shook his head, shying away.
Eddie’s shoulders dropped as he thought for a moment, the fiddling coming to a stop. He took a short breath before looking up at Steve again, “Did you mean… Do you wanna be my boyfriend?”
Steve blushed even more, if that was even possible. His stomach bubbled with excitement, he most certainly did. He wanted nothing more, “I mean… yeah.” He swallowed, “Do you not?”
Eddie shook his head with a little laugh, and oh my god he wanted to cry again. He really did. His heart was slowly glueing itself back together. He wanted to scream. He felt like a twelve year old girl, “God, of course I do, Princess.” He only used that name to tease, and so it made Steve smile, “Just, are you sure? Because I can wait. If you need some time to process this whole, half gay thing, i can wait. I have waited this long, what’s a few more months?” His smile softened, his tone deepend, a new sense of sincerity, “I’d wait forever for you.”
Steve felt utterly giddy, helpless, lovesick almost… much like a twelve year old girl, “You really don’t have to. I want you now, more than anything.”
“I’d give you anything you wanted, Stevie.” Eddie shook his head, eyes fixed on Steves, voice low.
He nodded softly with a warm smile, “So,” he whispered, “ask me to be your boyfriend and kiss me again, for real… because I’m sick of making the first move-”
And Eddie grinned so wide, his heart grew about ten sizes, it felt too big for his chest and fuck, he could hear it beating… or maybe that was steves… maybe if was both of them, “Be my boyfriend, please for the love of fucking Ozzy be my boyfriend, Steve.”
“Hmm…” Steve pretended to think for a moment, “I don’t know… what do I get in return?”
Eddie rolled his eyes with a smirk, he could kill this fucking dude, “For fucks sake, Stevie… I was lying when I said I could wait.”
Steve laughed and nodded his head, “Yes, I will be your boyfriend, but only if you show me those songs you wrote-”
“Yes, yes, anything for you, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled whilst grabbing Steve by the collar of his stupid polo and pulling him against his lips, this time… this time Eddie didn’t pull away. Steve grunted with the sudden eagerness, but he most certainly wasn’t complaining because he was really kissing Eddie. He placed his hands on Eddies soft cheeks that were a little sticky from dried tears, and held him there. Eddie nearly melted, he tried to fight back those few tears he had left in him, but he really couldn’t. He could feel them broaching his waterline and just prayed Steve wouldn’t notice. He laced his fingers into Eddie’s hair and deepened their kiss, opening his mouth slightly as he tugged at Eddie’s matted locks, pulling his head back slightly for better access. And the action made Eddie want to fall apart. And fuck, yeah, all those countless girls Steve had been with really brought the jealousy out in Eddie, but right now he was so, so thankful for every single one of them because holy fuck was Steve a good kisser. And Eddie grew nervous, because he’s only ever made out with one person before, and it was a girl, just to try it out and it was a horrible experience. So Eddie was clueless and he was making out with a guy with enough experience for the entire graduating class of ‘86 and that made Eddie shake. But god it was so good. It was everything. It was better than anything he had ever dreamed of because it was real… and it was good. Steve was the first to slip some tongue, naturally, Eddie was quite frankly clueless, but he just followed Steve’s lead… he usually pictured himself as the top in their relationship, based off of their usual dynamic. But maybe Steve being in control wouldn’t be such a bad thing, it most certainly was not right now. And then those few tears slipped down his face and into their mouths and the salty taste was spread over their tongues and then Steve was trying to pull back, but Eddie just held him closer, chasing the kiss.
“Are you…” Steve mumbled into their kiss, still trying to pull away, “crying?”
Eddie stopped and sighed, finally giving in. He dropped his head for a second before looking up at Steve with wet eyes. His grip on Steve’s shirt loosened, and he smoothed his collar back out and wiped at the few tears at his cheeks with a shrug, “Yeah, sorry.”
Steve furrowed his eyebrows, “Did I do something… wrong? Am- did… is that not how you’re supposed to kiss guys?”
Eddie laughed, “No, yeah it is… it was… really good. Like, so good.” he sniffled, flicking the last tear away, “I just love you a lot and, I guess I got overwhelmed because I have been thinking about doing that every day, you know. And it was just… so, so good.”
“I didn’t know you were such a romantic, Munson.” He smirked.
“What?” Eddie felt himself blushing.
“You’re sweet talking to me, all these ‘I love yous’ and all that, you’re just… I didn’t think you’d be the type of guy to just be vulnerable and admit all that.”
“Oh,” Eddie swallowed and shook his head, “yeah, no… I’m, I’m usually not, really. But, I guess… I’ve just thought about telling you a lot, and you make me feel so safe and so… I guess I just feel like I can. I’m sorry, I can stop if it’s bothering you.”
“Please don’t stop.” Steve sounded desperate, quiet. Eddie looked up at him wide eyed, and Steve swallowed the lump in his throat. If Eddie could be vulnerable like that, then so could he… Eddie’s not gonna hurt him, he’s not gonna call ‘bullshit’, he’s not gonna run. It’s Eddie. And Eddie loves him more than anything in the world, “I- I mean, you can stop telling me you love me, if you want… stop saying those words because I don’t know when I’ll be able to say them back,” gimme about two days to think about my entire life, then I’ll realise I’m extremely in love with you too, “so, if that’s gonna hurt you, stop. But, please, you can… you can keep sweet talkin me. I’m- oh fuck… I’m usually the one doing the talk like that… you know, saying nice things and all… I usually just get a ‘thank you’. I don’t know, I just don’t have many people in my life telling me that they appreciate me and stuff, you know. So, it’s nice… to be sweet-talked. That’s why I liked your flirting so much, it-”
“Makes you feel wanted?” Eddie suggested, his head tilted slightly to the side as he held Steve’s hands in his own, his voice was softer than silk, “I get that. Not many people tell me they want me either, Stevie, so… maybe we just gotta keep telling each other a little more?”
“I think… I think that would be good.” He nodded slowly.
“Okay good…” Eddie smiled, a new thought hit him in the face, “Steve I have to tell you something.”
“Okay.”
“I’m-” He cleared his throat, “I’m like… a super mega virgin.”
Steve’s eyes shot up, “Wh-” he choked on his own saliva, “Ye- okay… really? You’re twenty two.”
Eddie rubbed his eyes and sighed, he felt utterly embarrassed, “Yeah, well… not many people are lining up to sleep with the Freak, Stevie… and I haven’t exactly made myself very available since Vecna, so…”
“Okay…” Steve nodded, “Sorry, that just… took me by surprise. Did you want-”
“Not yet, no…” Eddie shook his head, “Shit- I probably should have thought about this a little more… uh, jesus. I just, I’ve only ever made out with two people before. The first one was Sandra Burns when I was fifteen because I just wanted to double make sure I was really gay, and that was really bad and lasted about ten seconds. And then the second one was you… so… and that was really good, but only because you know what your doing and stuff and I just wanted to tell you that I have no fucking clue, okay?”
Steve blushed a little, “I was your first make out with a dude?”
“Yeah.” He sighed.
“Well, that’s sick.” Steve grinned, “At least we’re sorta in the same boat then, right? I mean, yeah, I’m definitely not a virgin, but I’ve never been with a guy before. So, technically I sorta am… for us anyway.”
“Yeah, but you-”
“Okay, Eddie… kissing works for anyone, it’s all the same… I think-”
“Correct.” Eddie confirmed.
“Yes,” Steve nodded with a deep breath, he felt a little awkward now too, “But that’s all that’s the same… other than maybe… butt squeezing, i don’t know-”
Eddie tried to force back a laugh, “You wanna squeeze my butt, Steve?”
He rolled his eyes and flopped back on the bed, he looked up and over at Eddie who was grinning, “Just, you know, it’s different. And quite frankly a little terrifying so I might need some time before we get… nake-”
“Oh my- yes- no… me too, Steve.” Eddie sighed, “I- I definitely need more time. I’ve never even been in a relationship before, I just- I wanted to tell you that I would probably be awkward and to apologise if I was a bad kisser.”
Steve laughed, throwing his head back into the mattress some more, “Oh god.” he smiled and tipped his head back to his boyfriend, “Your not a bad kisser, by the way. Better than most of the girls I’ve been with.”
“Really?” Eddie shuffled a little closer, an eager grin on his lips.
“Cmere.” Steve reached his hand out, and Eddie crawled over to him. Steve guided Eddie to place a hand on either side of his head, Eddie’s hair hung down over their faces as he held himself there beside/slightly atop Steve and he swallowed, this was all very new, Steve gently stroked Eddie’s forearm, looking up into his eyes, “You okay?”
Eddie nodded slowly, “Yeah, just… nervous.”
Steve smiled, “You can kiss me when you’re ready.” he was just as nervous as Eddie.
Eddie nodded slowly and lent down, their lips brushed together lightly, their eyes fluttered shut, and then Eddie was kissing him… again. And it was just as fucking perfect, if not more. They could definitely get used to this.
“I’ve always thought,” Steve muttered between kisses, his hands snaking up to lace around Eddie’s neck in an attempt to pull him closer, “you were so pretty.”
Eddie laughed, “Pretty…” he pulled back to look Steve in the eyes, their lips plump and wet, “me?”
Steve nodded, “Very.”
“Nah,” Eddie shook his head, “you though? Well, you’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen. Your prettiness makes up for your jockness.”
Steve laughed, “My jockness?”
“Yeah, your jockness.” Eddie grinned, sitting back up beside Steve, keeping a hand on his chest, “Though… that could come in handy.”
“Oh yeah?” Steve quirked his eyebrow, he liked flirting back with Eddie.
“Oh yeah…” Eddie grinned, overjoyed that Steve was actually flirting back for once and fuck, it was gonna be the death of him, he squeezed Steves biceps, “You got all this muscle, good for throwing boyfriends around.”
Steve giggled, he actually giggled and it was stiupid but Eddie found it adorable. Eddie smiled at him softly, and Steve grabbed his hand whilst pushing himself up onto his elbows, “You know, I really hope Wayne forgives me.”
“He will, Stevie… he doesn’t hate you that much. He just… he’s protective.” Eddie shrugged, “Plus, if you use up your dad’s money to buy him chocolates, he will love you forever.”
Steve laughed, “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, his hands fiddling with Steve’s fingers again, “he just wants me to be happy, have a good life. End up better than my dad. So… he will forgive you in an instant.”
“That’s good then.” Steve smiled softly, his eyes watching Eddies hands, he wasn’t wearing his rings, only one of them today. He liked Eddie’s rings an awful lot, “Can’t say the same about my family. If they ever find out I’m seeing a metal head freak, they will quite literally have a heart attack. The moment they find out you’re a dude, yeah, nope, I’m getting disowned.”
Eddie frowned, that made his heart ache all over again, “I’m sorry.”
Steve shook his head, “Don’t worry about it, they’re shit parents anyway. Plus, they’re never home these days.”
“Still, it’s fucked up.” He looked up at Steve with puppy dog eyes. And those eyes have won Steve over more times than he would like to admit.
“Hmm, but, it means we’re gonna have an empty house a lot.” He forced a smile, “You get to be my secret boyfriend.”
Eddie forced a smile too, “I’ll be your secret boyfriend, Steve.” He grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing delicate little kisses along Steve’s knuckles which made him chuckle sweetly, “You can keep me all to yourself.”
“Yeah?” Steve grinned, he slipped his hand away from Eddies and wrapped it around the back of his neck instead, pulling him down to his lips, “You’re all mine?”
“All yours.” Eddie let out in a breathy whisper, his eyes locked on Steve’s lips that were so, so close. He tried to push forward, to kiss him, but Steve held him back.
“Eager.” Holy fuck was Steve a tease, it made Eddie whimper, “Thank you for being honest with me tonight. I know it’s hard.”
Eddie smiled softly, “Thank you for not freaking out about it.”
Steve laughed softly and pulled Eddie in for another kiss, “If I ran off screaming and crying I’d lose my cheap weed deals.” He grinned, “Thought maybe dating you meant I’d get it cheaper.”
“Wow,” Eddie nodded, “wowwwwww.” he clutched a hand over his heart and dramatically fell backwards on the bed, arms and legs wailing around as he spasmed, tongue hanging loose, “Oh, you wound me. Used by a jock! Uh, I’ve hit rock bottom, there’s no turning back now! Only… dealthhhhhh…. Ughhhhh.” and he closed his eyes and played dead.
Steve laughed and sat up, crawling over his boyfriend, mindlessly placing his hands on either side of his head, his knees on either side of Eddie’s waist, “You are a major dork.” Steve grinned and leant down to kiss his cheek.
“Yeah, a major dork who you-” he opened his eyes and looked up at Steve, who was directly on top of him, and he froze, a shiver travelled down his spine… he really liked being under Steve like this. He placed his hands on Steve’s hips, genty guiding him down until Steve was straddling his waist. They both took a minute, their nerves flying, “Is this okay with you?”
Steve nodded, “Yeah, you?”
Eddie nodded too, “Yeah, like… really okay.” They both laughed a little. Eddie rested his hands on the high of Steve’s thighs and leant up a little, pressing a tender kiss to Steve’s lips, “Really… really okay.”
“I’m kind of getting the impression that you might sorta like it when I sit on top of you.” Steve quipped, and Eddie laid back, shying behind his eyes.
“You suck.”
Steve cleared his thoughts and took a nervous breath, “Well, not yet.”
Eddie poked out from behind his eyes, Steve’s comment rushing straight down to his cock and he prayed to every god in the universe that Steve wouldn’t feel it, “Bold.”
Steve shrugged, “You know… I just remembered there’s a whole party of people out there.”
“Oh shit.” Eddie looked back at his door, which was definitely shut, “Uhm, I don’t know how to explain that temper tantrum.”
Steve sighed, “We will figure it out.”
Eddie smiled, “My lips are sealed, okay?”
“Yes they are.” Steve grinned and leant down to press another kiss to Eddie’s perfect fucking lips.
They took a moment to gather themselves before fixing their clothes and hair a little and headed back out. Only when they opened the door did they see how incredibly red they were in the face, and how smiley they were. They forced those smiles away quickly.
“Okay, what the fuck?” Dustin was the first to speak.
“Yes, I agree.” Eleven nodded, “What the fuck?”
“Sorry guys.” Eddie sighed, standing in the living room sheepishly, he could feel Robin staring deep into his and Steve’s souls, “I just… I needed a moment.”
“Why?” Mike asked, he was leant against the coffee table, playing with a chocolate wrapper and not properly paying attention.
“I, ah-” Eddie swallowed.
El spoke up from her place besides Max on the couch, “Did you and Steve do the gay?”
“Wh-” Eddie’s eyes widened and the whole room gasped. Robin spat her water everywhere, taking a minute to cough up what she choked on. Steve turned even redder, Eddie shook his head, “No!” hepressed, “No, no, not gay… we didn’t gay. We didn’t do the gay.”
“Sounds convincing to me.” Dustin deadpanned.
“That kiss was very…” Lucas searched for his words.
“Gay.” Mike suggested, still not really paying attention, and Will kicked him in the shin, “Owh, what?”
“No, just-” Eddie forced a laugh, “We didn’t- Steve isn’t- I-”
“Come on,” Dustin rolled his eyes, “we played spin the bottle, it landed on Steve, you were a trembling mess, you kissed him for half a second and then you ran away crying and have been missing for about an hour.”
“Dustin.” Nancy pressed, giving him some side eye.
“What?” Dustin waved his hands out, “There’s no other explanation, is there?”
Eddie looked back at Steve who was clenching his jaw, trying his best to stay calm. Mike sighed, “No one cares apparently, so, you know, it’s fine.”
“What?” Eddie shook his head, fingers pressed into his eyes.
“Oh yeah,” Jonathan said, “El full on outed Mike and Will.”
“I said I am sorry.” El pleaded.
“Mike and Will?” Eddie’s eyes widened.
“Yeah,” Will sighed, “me and Mike,”
Eddie strode over to them at the coffee table and put his hand out for Mike to high five, “Way to go Wheeler, I told you it was cool man.”
“Wait-” Will furrowed his brow, “Eddie knew about you?”
“I just-” Mike shrugged, “I called him when I broke up with El because I didn’t know who else to talk to.”
Eddie scruffed his hair and smiled. He looked around the room, all eyes were on him and Steve, and Steve was awfully quiet. Eddie could tell he was panicking. Robin was standing beside him, trying to gauge the situation. Nancy and Max hadn’t told her what Steve had told them, no, that was for Steve to share himself, and they were trying their best to hide their expressions because they had a pretty damn good idea of what had happened. Eddie was on the spot with nowhere to go. Honesty was his only choice. Well, he’s already been blatantly honest once tonight, what’s once more right? He fought down his anxiety and fiddled with his ring, his breath now heavy. He chewed at his lip, searching for some words. He looked up at Steve, and just let them fall, “I’m in love with Steve.”
Silence. Nothing but silence. All eyes were on him, a few flicked over to Steve. Eddie kept his eyes on his boyfriend who was on the brink of tearing up, ignoring everyone else. He just needed to let the words flow, it would be okay because he would have Robin and now Steve there to pick up the pieces if needed, “Yeah, I’m… gay. Always have been, always will be. I- I’ve had a thing for Steve since our senior year, but… I hated him then as well, he was just.. Heh… really hot. But then Dustin-” he gritted his teeth and glared down at his brother, “wouldn’t shut up about how fantastically great King Steve was and then it just, I started falling harder. And then, fuck, we got caught up in an alternate dimension together and I knew I fell in love with him there and have been ever since. And so yeah, when I had to kiss Steve tonight it really freaked me out and it made me feel sick. And so I told him, just then I told him everything and…” He swallowed and looked at Steve with a soft smile, “And Steve said it was okay… that it wasn’t a big deal and that he didn’t mind. He was utterly flattered, of course, it’s probably gone straight to his head.” Eddie winked at him.
“So, are you not doing the gay?” El pressed.
“Yeah, are you doing the gay?” Robin spoke up, hands clutched eagerly infrnt of her lips, “Please tell me your doing the gay.”
Eddie smiled wide, “No.” he shook his head, and Steve took a deep breath of releif, “No, were… were not. Steve likes girls, and that’s okay. We’re gonna work past it, and he’s gonna help me find a really nice dude. So no, me and Steve are not doing the gay, but… that’s…. That’s why I reacted so badly tonight.” He placed his hands on his hips, “I’m sorry for ruining your night, everyone. Really-”
“You didn’t.” Dustin smiled, “We just watched a movie and got some brilliant new material to bully you with, so thank you, MrILoveSteveHarrington.”
Eddie groaned and slumped down on the couch, hiding his face behind his hands. Mike looked over at him and decided to comment, “I can’t believe you’re still wearing his jumper.”
“And my pants.” Steve grinned, his mood much better now.
“Dude, no way.” Dustin laughed, “That’s ba-” Eddie threw a pillow hard at his face, cutting him off mid sentence.
The night continued on and Robin and Nancy managed to pull Eddie into his room and change him into his Daphne get up that was entirely too small. At this point, Steve had told Robin the whole truth about the situation, and she tackled Eddie to the floor in a ‘proud mama’ hug. Eddie walked back out with his little purple dress that was very, very short… so short you could see his boxers sticking out, and the pair of boots that Robin had painted purple for him, and the little green ascot. And he got made fun of so hard, and when the kids insisted on going trick or treating, Eddie refused to leave the trailer. Steve hung back with him. They both slumped on the couch, and Steve found Eddie’s hand, lacing them together. He looked over at his boyfriend with a warm smile, “Thank you for not telling anyone.”
“What’d I say, Stevie? It’s your choice.” He squeezed his hand.
“Yeah, but you didn’t get to choose.”
Eddie smiled softly and shrugged, “Doesn’t matter to me. I would gladly get berated and beten for being gay, rather than out you when you wernt ready. You’ve been through enough, I think.”
“So have you.” He lifted his hand and swept some hair back from Eddie’s face.
Eddie shrugged and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder, “Yeah, but I’ve gotten used to it. Plus, no one had a problem with it anyway, so why are we dwelling on it?”
“I suppose.” Steve sighed, his thumb rubbed the back of Eddie’s hand, his eyes wandered over Eddie who was falling asleep on his shoulder. Both of them just content, “I’m loving the getup.”
“Shut up, sweetheart.” Eddie mumbled. Steve laughed, resting his head against Eddie’s, both of them growing tired and warm in the comfortable space, “Stay over tonight? Please?” Eddie pleaded, his voice small, “Not for sex or anything, I just like… this.”
Steve smiled and turned to press a soft kiss on his head, both of their stomachs bubbled, “Yes please.” He smiled to himself, “I can woo Wayne over by making breakfast in the morning, huh?”
Eddie laughed softly, “Yeah, whole lotta bacon should do it.”
“And eggs extra runny for you?” Steve asked.
Eddie’s heart stung, but in a good way for once, “Aww, you remembered.” He teased, but it was genuine.
“Yeah, yeah.” Steve grinned to himself.
It sounded stupid, but it really meant a lot to Eddie. After several concussions and hits to the head, Steve’s memory isn’t what it used to be, he tended to forget a lot. And so, remembering something as simple as how Eddie liked his eggs in the morning, was something that really hit home. It pulled at his heart and made him feel whole. Eddie smiled, eyes still shut and he was half asleep now, “I would kiss you right now, but m’too tired. Promise I’ll give you lots when I wake up… if you want.”
“You better.” Steve grinned and squeezed Eddie’s hand tighter, “I’ll be waiting.”
They stayed like that for a while, they would have stayed there all night. But then Dustin came bursting through the door in a ruckus, grumbling about how Nancy ‘told me to get a jacket, you get a jacket’, and Steve tensed. He still had Eddie’s hand clutched tightly in his own, and Eddie’s head on his shoulder, snuggled deep into his neck, and at some point Eddie had thrown one of his legs over Steves, which he adored. And so he couldn’t move, and he just prayed Dustin wouldn’t notice, but of course, “Ahh, Steve?”
He swallowed, “Henderson.”
Dustin sighed deeply and deadpanned him, “I swear to god, if you lead Eddie on and play with his feelings I’m going to punch you in the face. Why are you letting him lay on you like that, that’s so stupid. I thought you were better than this. As Eddie’s chosen brother, I am required, by law, to get Nancy to shoot you with one of her guns if you break his heart. And she will do it! Don’t doubt that. So, please, explain to me why you are letting Eddie sleep on top of you like that because I think you’re being incredibly inconsiderate right now.”
“He just…” Steve stuttered, “he just rolled onto me.”
“Ah huh.” Dustin nodded, shaking his head. He took a few steps over to Steve and slapped him in the face. Steve made an audible ‘ow’ and kicked Dustin in the shin, “That’s what you get, Dingus! And why are you holding his hand?” he practically squealed that last part.
“Just- agh-” Steve grabbed Dustin by the collar, pulling him in, “I swear to god, Henderson you are going to be the death of me. This does not leave your ears, okay? You cannot tell a soul what I am about to tell you, not one person because I will smack you back.”
“Tell me what?” Dustin tried to pull away from Steve’s grip.
Steve looked over to the door and lowered his voice, “I’m-” he swallowed and looked back at Eddie, then back at Dustin, “He’s my boyfriend, okay? He told me he loved me and then made me his boyfriend.”
Dustin’s eyes widened and Steve let him go. He took a couple of steps back and looked at the pair. Steve scratched his forehead and settled back beside Eddie, sweeping a low hanging hair back from his face so sweetly. And Dustin nodded, “What happened to all the girls?”
Steve shrugged, “Eddie’s better.”
Dustin giggled, “He does kinda look like a girl, especially in that dress-”
“I can hear you, Henderson.” Eddie mumbled into Steve’s neck, eyes closed still.
“Oh shit.” Dustin snapped back. Steve tensed a little.
“Mhm,” Eddie still didn’t move, “you tell anyone about Steve I’ll tell your mother you get Suzie to change your grades on your report.”
“My lips are sealed.” Dustin zipped his lips with a smile and bounced back towards the door, making a bunch of kissy faces at Steve as he left. Steve shook his head mockingly at him, and waited until the front door was closed to speak. He turned to Eddie, a soft hand on his shoulder, the other still in his hand, and he whispered,
“Ed’s, wake up. I don’t wanna deal with another Dustin.”
“M’sorry.” Eddie pulled himself off of Steve, slouching back into the couch and tugged at the hem of his skirt, “Fuck me this dress is uncomfortable.”
“Gladly.” Steve smirked, and Eddie took a moment to process what he said. But when he did, he was blushing.
“Sorry about Dustin.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Steve shrugged, “The kid’s nosey anyway, he would have figured it out pretty fast.”
Eddie snickered, “Tell me about it.”
“Why don’t you get out of that dress and get in bed, I’ll send the kids home.”
“Woah, sweetheart,” Eddie grinned, “I thought you wanted to keep the nakedness to a minimum.”
“You’re a dork.” Steve shook his head, standing up and heading towards the door, “I’m dating a dork. My two best friends and my boyfriend are dorks, what have I become?”
“Steve Harrington,” Eddie held up his hands, miming a news headline, “Once a chick magnet, now a dork magnet.”
He pressed a hand over his heart, “You wound me.” Eddie laughed, and Steve reached for the doorknob, “Now go to bed. I’ll come in once people leave, okay?”
“Oh, I like it when you boss me around, Stevie.” Eddie smiled and winked at his boyfriend, eventually bringing himself to his feet. He pointed over at the side board, “Keys there if you need it, kay?”
“Got it.” Steve smiled and slipped out the door.
By the time he’d sent everyone on their way, and headed back to Eddie’s bedroom, a new sense of fear washed over him. He was nervous. He’d never slept beside Eddie before… well, a little when Ed was still in hospital, but not really. He hoped tonight he wouldn’t wake up screaming. He didn’t want to make a bad first impression. He walked into the dark room to find Eddie lying on his side, the covers kicked to the end of his bed, he was hugging a pillow and positioned right in the middle. And was dressed only in his boxers. Steve swallowed thickly and began to slowly undress himself. They both didn’t like to show their scars often. Infact, Steve was the only person to have ever seen all of Eddie’s. He thought that was because Steve was scared too, but maybe Eddie just wanted to show Steve. But even then, they hardly showed them off. So the nerves were high. Once he was just left in his jocks and socks, he nervously crept over to the bed. He was tentative and careful, and tried his best not to wake the sleeping beast. There was music playing softly in the background, Tears For Fears. Steve rolled his eyes. He climbed onto the bed, grabbing the covers as he did, he ran cold at night. He laid himself down beside Eddie, his chest pressed to Eddie’s back, to covers sat just above their hips, and Steve wrapped his arm over Eddie, pulling him in close. The big spoon, Steve’s role, always. That seemed to wake Eddie up, sort of. He mumbled something inaudible and rolled over to face Steve. He placed his hand on Steve’s chest, his head on his shoulder, “I like you without a shirt.” he mumbled.
Steve snickered, “Yeah?”
“Mhm,” Eddie nodded, “There’s a key there. On my bedside, s’for you.”
Steve looked over to see a key sitting right by the ashtray, a little piece of paper set to stand with a little S and a heart scribbled onto it, “Why?”
“Just in case you get disowned.” Eddie mumbled, eyes still heavy with sleep, “You can come straight here, we’ll look after you Stevie. Us Munsons like taking in strays.”
Steve bit his lip, his heart swelled, “Really?”
“Yeah, or you can just use it whenever you want.” Eddie pressed a little kiss on Steve’s chest, “I like having you around.”
He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. He just felt contempt. They both felt safe, and warm, and comfortable. Steve felt himself begin to cry. So many nights spent sleeping alone, left to the dark with his thoughts in that big empty house and no one to love. And then in one stupid night, after one stupid party game, he was no longer a lone and he had someone to love. And more importantly, he had someone to love him, really love him. He just wished this happened seventeen months earlier. He sniffled, his tears rolling down to the crevice of his neck. Eddie poked his head up, and when he did, Steve was quick to rid himself of tears. Eddie smiled softly and pressed a tender kiss on his cheek, and then one on his forehead, and then one on his nose, and one on his soft pink lips. He gave Steve a look that said ‘I love you’, and shoved at his shoulder until Steve was rolling onto his side. Eddie wrapped an arm over his boyfriend, his chest now pressed flush against Steve’s back as he pulled him in as close as he could. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Steve’s neck and left a couple of kisses there as well. He dagged delicate, calloused fingertips across Steve’s chest, and down to his abdomen, grazing them over the scars left there. The scars they both had. Eddie smiled to himself and mumbled, “Some couples have matching bracelets, or matching rings, but I think we win with matching scars.”
Steve chuckled, he brought his hand down to Eddie’s, dragging his fingers over the back of Eddie’s hand, “We definitely win.”
There was a beat of silence, and Steve thought Eddie had fallen asleep again, but then he spoke, and it was barely a whisper but it sent a shiver down Steve’s spine, “You’re so beautiful.”
“What?” Steve couldn’t help but smile, his stomach bloomed with butterflies.
“I said, you’re so beautiful.” Eddie kissed Steve’s shoulder, “You have a beautiful face, and a beautiful body, but most of all you have a beautiful soul. The most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out, Stevie. I love you so much.”
Steve swallowed, he wasn’t really sure how to deal with such pure emotion. Fiddled with Eddie’s fingers as they grazed his skin, “I’ve never been the little spoon before.”
Eddie smiled and squeezed him tight, “Well get used to it, you need to be hugged more, sweetheart.”
“Only if it’s by you.” Steve whispered, his eyes falling shut.
“Promise I’ll give you all the hugs and kisses I can muster up.” Eddie chuckled low, another kiss placed on Steve’s bare shoulder, his skin warm and soft under Eddie’s lips, against his stomach and under his arm. Eddie, quite frankly, couldn’t fucking get enough, “I know this is mean, but I hope you get disowned so you can come live with me instead.”
The butterflies in Steve’s stomach were now bursting like fireworks. He squinted his eyes shut harder and let his smile take over, “Step one, win Wayne over. Step two, introduce you to my parents.”
“I’ll put on my most terrifying clothing and draw on some face tattoos.” Eddie mumbled.
“Perfect.” Steve smiled, “They’re gonna hate you.”
“Well, as long as you love me I’ll be right.” And he really didn’t mean to say it like that, it just slipped off his tongue. It’s late and he’s tired - half asleep, actually - and Steve just made his thoughts all foggy. Especially Steve, shirtless, in his bed, in his arms. And so yeah, he said something sort of awkward given their situation, and he didn’t really notice what he had done until Steve eventually responded. And he took a long time to respond, his brain short circuiting for a moment, his thoughts racing until he landed on one.
“Well,” He sighed, lacing his fingers over Eddies and bringing their hands up so he could kiss along his knuckles, just as Eddie had done to him, he pressed their hands back against his chest, forcing their hug to tighten, “it’s a good thing I do.”
#jay writes#oblivious#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#theyre super oblivious to eachothers feelings#steddie first kiss#angst#mega angst#spin the bottle realisations#side jargyle#side ronance#side byler#side lumax#bi steve#gay eddie#stranger things#stranger things 4
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So its early but I'm on Tumblr, and like.
You know. Saw a post. Like you do.
And it's about appropriating Jewish mythology and symbols and terms. And there is so much "DON'T DO THAT" in the post.
But I think the post gets it a lil wrong. What we're really looking for is respect. Respect our things. Our culture. Or symbols. They're not Happy Meal toys. Make some effort.
I saw a lot of comments on the post saying that people had never met a Jewish person, and that we are "professional victims."
Well hello. I'm a Jewish person, and we've been run out of more countries than you've had hot dinners, so we're more like professionals at getting the fuck out of places where people want us dead.
Let's do an edit!
Golems: if you're going to use them in your fantasy, please treat them with respect. They're a mythological creature borne out of the desperation of a people constantly on the run from assholes trying to burn down their lives, and thought of as protective. Don't use them as a weird monster. It's easy to find the lore. Read up.
Kabbalah: is so much stranger than you know, and worth doing research on. Please be respectful if you intend to use it in a story, or even try to practice it.
If it's Hebrew and it doesn't have anything to do with Judaism...man that is a weird one. Cuz it's our religious language but also people who aren't Jewish live in Israel and speak Hebrew but this one feels funny.
The Star of David: it's not a pentagram. It's not a generic symbol. It's pretty specifically Jewish. Sometimes it gets worn by people who want us dead? Uncomfortable.
Goy: isn't considered polite but is more polite than "fuckin goy" which I sometimes use when some goy is being a terrible asshole.
Lenny Bruce had a whole bit on this one:
youtube
Gentile: less rude. You non jews are just gentiles.
Antisemitism: that funny feeling in your bones when you know someone either doesn't like you because you are Jewish (those fuckers who wear the "6 million was not enough" shirts. IE; Hitler shoulda kilt more Jews), or when someone says shit like "you guys control the banks so I bet you'll get all 7 days of Passover off soon enough." We don't control the banks. I fucking promise. We don't control shit. Whatever power white Jewish people might have is allowed by the white gentile power structure and can be easily taken away.
When the big orange goy was president, and employed Steven Miller (Jewish. A piece of shit) I used to tell people that "we'll all wind up in the same train car anyway. He's no safer from the hate than the rest of us." I'm still right.
The word Jew: context matters. "The Jews" is an easy shorthand. The Jewish People takes longer to say. One time in a bar, in Mississippi, the director of another department from work pointed at me and yelled "JEW!!!" and that felt.
Bad.
It felt bad you guys.
1. Being singled out for what you are feels bad.
2. Mississippi feels like a place you don't want to be singled out for being Jewish.
3. "Jew" often gets bent into "jewy" which is derogatory. Women were sometimes called "jewesses" which was a little like being called a witch they wanted to burn at the stake.
Probably safe bet to just say Jewish People.
We've been around a long time, but there aren't a whole of us left. But we also come in all different types. A bunch of us are white, but some of us are Black or Latinx or Asian or Middle Eastern. We don't agree on any one way of doing things and we have a lot of opinions and sometimes some dude wanders around The Rockaways in New York with a machete looking for the closest synagogue because Kanye told him we're all evil.
We are constantly on the lookout for people who don't like us because WE KEEP FINDING THEM. Like sometimes you think somebody's cool, but it turns out they think we have horns and eat white Christian baby blood.
For the record, white Christians don't season their food, so that shit is too bland. Not enough dill. We'll pass.
But yeah. Just some thoughts on my culture. Thanks for reading.
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it's 1 am, anyway time for walkthrough of my entire rewatch of czech it out. as my brain slowly melts into pieces. get ready for a long-as-shit post.
EPISODE 1!!!!!
youtube
can i say. first of all. wtf are these graphics. what were they thinking and why does it kind of work with the atmosphere.
second of all. introduction of the coffee. does carzzy like coffee? is that his coffee? who made the coffee? all differs depending on the video.
introduction of the smiley "i agree to anything carzzy says" humanoid. he has that rookie vibe here like he's very unsure of himself but oh boy marek, carzzy is not a stable anchor.
also, carzzy calling humanoid "marek brazda" every chance he gets, istg. he 100% says it just because he loves how it sounds. brazzzzda.
cut to carzzy calling him unskilled and we get the classic "i've been insulted by carzzy" face. i love that he has these patented modes. so far we've had "carzzy loml you can never do anything wrong (meant ironically)" and "carzzy loml 🥺🥺 spare me anything sir i haven't but a penny" (it has been 40 seconds)
face is exemplified when carzzy goes out of his way to place his cup on (what i assume is) humanoid's desk, cause of course he does.
humanoid gets asked a question about mid and so carzzy is RESPECTFUL and lets humanoid speak.
just leaving this here. btw: "marek brazda" counter: II
i realize at this point there are so many things to point out but i'm too lazy to screencap them. first of all, carzzy complaining about pantheon/taliyah and humanoid who was not listening at all just going "nice :)" and carzzy also needs a moment to register and then goes. "no." and then they start arguing about something with approx. 0 heart and 2 braincells of what they're arguing about. and then carzzy does the thing where he lets humanoid get the last word (thing he does all the fucking time) and just hums like a girl cause SHE IS down bad. (btw me calling carzzy a girl is not an insult it's an um actually? 🏳️🌈🤓 moment.)
G2 TIME!!
one of the most important things about carzzynoid is their nonchalant complete factually incorrect statements. can guarantee you they think it's the funniest shit ever, however, it's only funny if no one laughs. they have these voices where you can tell they're trying to make themselves sounds as uncaring as possible. anyway yeah guys, g2 is 10th, 9th place team for sure.
CAN I SAY. carzzy's heterochromia is insane in these early videos. every close-up on his face i go woawwww!! idk if it's more noticeable or if i'm just going insane. anyway humanoid goes on to end the segment with "pojďme se na to společně podívat!" (according to software that seems about correct to me) meaning "let's take a look at it together" otherwise LITERALLY meaning "check it out." or something pretty close. as an EXTREME linguistics nerd and general languages lover i think hearing them speak czech makes me explode about 10 times anyway so. idk if that's a correct analysis :)
THIS carzzy smirk. i could write a paragraph here honestly. anyway humanoid asks a question and carzzy does not answer because why would he.
EYES.
then carzzy goes on a rant about how amazing their coach is only for his genius mordekaiser pick to be wasted on MAREK BRAZDA (counter: III)
insulted marek left, "i'm not blaming anyone" marek right. (carzzy was totally blaming you dude. you're both so horrible.)
carzzy checks in on humanoid for that one, lmao. makes sure that he understands, yep.
NEXT DYNAMIC UP!! the fuckin sad lions/chad lions thing. carzzy thinks they are "sad lions" cause they lost both games.
carzzy calls humanoid a czech, a clearly very embarrassing insult. also he hesitated a bit which meant he was SCRAMBLING for a different insult but really. czech? that's the best he could come up with. pussy.
anyway he's bullied marek into participating in the content and so he actually has to give his thoughts and he thinks he's a bad chad bitch who actually LET them win. also "this guy" counter: I. because humanoid hates calling carzzy anything actually. carzzy is just a pest to him and he needs to express that to carzzy face. obviously.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION!! i love how their dynamic is straight up insult each other until one person goes: actually you're the best i love you so much you're so hot so talented i agree with everything you say i'm a shit stain you're a saint i'll do anytthing-
VIDEO END
final thoughts: ough it's 2:30 am now but it was worth it honestly feels fucking amazing to type all this out imma go to sleep hopefully nobody reads this because really you're wasting your time. if you did <3 thanks.
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Whats your opinions on every drdt character?
Gonna be honest, can't tell if this is bait or a genuine question. I'll answer it as genuine anyway.
Teruko: Darling, beloved. One of the best written women I've seen in a while. Fandom either mischaracterizes her. Talks shit about her or there's the small pocket that includes me who worships the ground she walks on.
Xander: Latched onto him first when watching through. Also sussed him out because he's not the first instance I've seen of that trope. Really adore him, not always the most confident when writing him. Even though Riza highly praises my depiction of him and the others when I write him.
Charles: Used to really like him. Some fans have really soured my opinion of him and I'm working through that. Still like his writing especially background writing involving his brother.
Ace: Hi. Full disclosure? He annoys me. I've also run into too many fans who worship him who have either harassed or stalked me so like. Yea you wont really see him much in my work. Some of his fans are cool though, like Cuckaracha! It's also pretty early in story so my mind Could Change but don't hold your breath. The only time I like him around is when he's in agony.
Arei: She used to really grate on my nerves at first and just when she was starting to grow on me she ups and dies. Like okay girlie what ever I guess...
Rose: Not much of an opinion on her, need to see more.
Hu: Don't like her much at the moment, some of her fans have also soured my opinion of her so that really doesn't help. Would love to learn more about her to see if it changes my mind.
Eden: I think about her friendships with Teruko, David, Levi and the others more than In actively talk about. She's pretty important to several of my AU narratives. I do like her, would just like to see more of her in general to form more of an opinion.
Levi: I love this fuckin guy. I love his dynamic with the cast, specifically Teruko and Eden. I want Teruko to Apologize to him and mend their friendship. I think he's a swell dude and hope he lives a bit longer please.
Arturo: See, at first I didn't care much for him. I thought he was annoying, not Ace annoying but annoying for me to tune out when he talks. Then Riza went and did a Character analysis and we also learned about Felicity from Dev. So. You'll see analysis from me on him in the future, however I wont be posting much of it yet because I want to see more and have more material to work with.
Min: Not everyone is going to like the same character as you. I'll be honest, she is.... one of the most annoying tropes for me. I want to like her. I do think her writing for the most part is solid however up to her death I thought that it was... disappointing and I felt there could have been more or a better depiction. So I'm very neutral and dissatisfied by what's been shown.
David: Do I... really... have to say anything here? Should be common knowledge by now I think- I don't exactly hide that I have fun picking his brain and putting him in countless situations and do so myself since I see most fan depictions of him so out of character that it moves my own hand to write. No but really, he's probably one of my top writing muses at the moment and really helped me through some writers block. I love analyzing him, and feel he has more to show us. And that several people overlook the true bones of his character and writing. Also my friend tried to get me into DRDT by showing sprites of his to me first but gave me the wrong material to try and hook me. Still ended up liking him on my own.
Veronika: When I tell you that upon meeting her for the first time that the very first words out of my mouth were- and I quote- "Maam, your hand in marriage please- maam?" I mean it with every fiber that I adore her. I haven't shown her off too much in my writing yet even though she's important to several of my story narratives and I'll be honest it's because my thoughts flatline when it comes to women. Like. At least sometimes I can write about my favorite men but you put my favorite women in front of me and I'm a puddle. Enough said.
J: Yall wont like what I have to say. I've gone to like, several people, specifically friends and mutuals to try and get their takes on J and I just. I struggle to see it? The appeal? But a lot of the times I tune her out because she's yelling. I do like her more than I used to but it's definitely a very neutral or uninterested opinion when it comes to her...
Whit: At first I couldn't understand his appeal but he's certainly grown on me. I wanna know more about him because currently he throws so many redirections in the back writing that it makes me incredibly sus of his whimsical ass. I'm interested.
Nico: Listen, I'm NB ok? Getting that out of the way. I used to be really fond of Nico. But dear god the mischaracterization and the things I see thrown about around Nico just made me so tired that now I'm kinda indifferent to them at best. I want to like them again so I'm trying to work with that but if people could like... maybe... check their transphobia, bigotry and fetishization? That would be Excellent actually. It's obviously not everyone but good god it is a loud pocket that blocking heavily doesn't even seem to silence....
MonoTV: I am going to bap this fucking thing into the sun. It gives me good laughs though
Mai: Oh girlie you definitely interest me. What are your secrets?
Diana: I know she ain't real but I'm gonna keep writing her with Mai and people can deal with it.
Felicity: Part of the reason Arturo even started to interest me but I wanna know more about her and their sibling dynamic.
Ellie: Interested more now and with his dynamic with Charles.
All other siblings: Curious but not enough to give them all their own bullet here. Mostly indifferent til we learn more info.
The Other cast: Currently Teach and White hair have my attention the most Purple hair and specs too. The rest I sorta shrug until we learn more.
Hopefully that answers your question- oh and this isnt going in any tags. Would like to avoid trolls and annoying fools when at all possible~
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for the act one asks: 1, 2, 4, 9, 17, 18, 19 💖
1. Tell us about your Tav! Name, class and subclass, race, pronouns. Do you have a headcanon for where they're from? Their family? Are they a Dark Urge? Or did you choose an Origin Character? Was it an easy decision?
My Tav's name is Virl :3 they don't have a last name (yet) but they've also disowned their last name, so they're just Virl to everyone they meet. They're a half high elf storm sorcerer, with a particular affinity for lightning. (They love to joke that they're a walking lightning rod.)
I'm still very new to BG3 and the world of dnd in general so I'm not quite sure where they're from yet. As far as family, their dad died while they were still young and their mom was not very fond of having such a destructive sorcerer for a child when they come from a long line of wizards, so they were, shall we say, kicked the fuck out of their home fairly young, hence disowning the last name ~
They're not a Dark Urge, just a regular kinda dude who can be chaotic when called for :3
2. Was there something about the character creator that just couldn't capture your Character? Please tell us about their hair, facial hair, tattoos, piercings, disabilities, their trans or intersex body, or anything else you're comfortable sharing.
For the most part Virl in game looks pretty much how I envision them mentally, tho I do think theyre very freckled Everywhere, not just in the face. The scar on their face also stretches a bit further across their nose over to the other eye and down their neck to their right arm a bit, more webbed looking in intensity (It's from an accident involving their own lightning as a kid, whoops.)
Virl's agender personally, not really feeling a connection to any spectrum or binary. Theyve never done much to change their body but their voice is Way fuckin deep (voice 2 in thei cc iirc,) way more so than anyone ever expects for their androgynous appearance and it's always been like that. They don't know why but they're certainly not complaining about it ~
4. Do you remember in which order you recruited your companions? Which companion introduction would have felt the most familiar / like home to your Tav / Character?
It was Shadowheart > Astarion > Gale > La'zeal > Wyll > Karlach.
Karlach and Gale were definitely the ones that Virl was most immediately drawn to as far as feeling most at ease around. Karlach was desperate to be seen as not being a threat after finally getting out of a shitty situation in the Hells and Gale is a chaotic yet talented spellcaster, and both of those are things Virl can relate to.
9. Do you have a favorite member of the Tiefling Refugees? Is it the same as your Character's?
Me as the player I'm drawn to Zevlor and Dammon, but I can also put a little blame on @timethehobo for that one after seeing their wonderful art of those guys for months on my feed now lol. In Virl's case tho, they love all the kids (even if they did steal shit from them.) Virl's got a soft spot for little shithead children causing chaos and just trying to survive in the world after being one themself, so they're protective of them. (This is what led them to go after Kagha instead of going straight for Halsin too, because her threatening a child was too far for them.)
17. What does your Character think of Withers?
Virl does not know what the hell to make of that skeleton honestly, they're a little wigged out by him and still unsure how trustworthy he is.
18. How did your Character deal with Wyll, Karlach and Mizora?
Virl jumped right between Karlach and Wyll's sword, managing to convince him after their shared visions that Karlach was not the monster he was led to believe. And after seeing how that decision led to Mizora punishing Wyll in such a drastic way, Virl was the first to assure him it didn't change their opinion of him. They definitely despise Mizora tho, seeing as they're already wary of gods and patrons alike on principle, and after that much of a public display she didn't earn herself any favor in Virl's book.
19. Did your Character spend a night with a companion either the night of the party or earlier? Is it someone they have a continued interest in?
Virl went straight for Karlach and everyone called them out on it lmao. Virl took a liking to their firey friend from the moment they met and Karlach felt the same ~ they're hoping it'll become a normal thing given time for them both to grow closer ♡♡
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@midnightcityx0x0 I'm not reblogging that fuckmassive post AGAIN but this got too long for a reply so. On its own post now
Anyway i actually have so much trouble thinking of anything for gustavo ever lmao. Everything i have for him I've adopted from other people; rem [brickattack] as mentioned on the big post, and @synthlet/softersynths for a lot of other things. [and a couple others too but iirc synths was the one who started those ppl on it as well gfjdjds] which is to say, you'd probably get better/more interesting answers from those guys :p
but yeah, fp and gus are pretty close. It's the general exposure/familiarity, the fact that fp is just a happy/pleasant and easy-to-like dude personality-wise, and for gus specifically there's also a level of "he shares a lot of traits with peppino, without peppino's Baggage™"
that last point is very very interesting but i dont know if i'd Actually get to doing a lot with it bc i typically make fake pep His Own Guy, with his similarities to peppino being almost sort of coincidental. i really really really like coming at peppino and fake pep from the "equals and opposites" angle, which like, that Can still apply for that last bit abt gus, but it's not something i've put a lot of thought into. it's also just fuckin hard to articulate outside of just showing it lmao. [i mentioned like, predator/prey animal nervousness + their reactions to fear vs aggression on the other post but to pull one for here: fake pep still has his own brand of Baggage to deal with too--different stuff than peppino's--but fp is way more open about it when it comes up as opposed to peppino having 50 fuckin walls about everything.
besides that, i also see a lot of general banter about gus being a very Nature Guy™ who likes to find beauty in all the weird fucked up shit nature does [especially in a world as cartoony as theirs], which i enjoy a lot bc girl same. fp may be the farthest thing from natural, but i certainly think there is a lot of beauty to be found in his fucked-up-ness. and i'm sure gustavo sees it too.
and then a fun one i've come into pretty recently for them is that they both care abt peppino a lot, but peppino is very bad at...being cared for. so because you can rarely approach pep directly about anything if it involves vulnerability [again: 50 fuckin walls], and because they both know him very well in different ways and can get through to him about different things, they end up working together a lot in sort of a conspiratory way. plotting scheming etc. 'have you noticed anything wrong lately + how are we going to help this guy out today', that sort of thing. the idea there can go a lot of ways but i'm partial to them using like goofy cartoon antics to set him up for something that'll be beneficial to him. [also brick is in on it too technically but brick is a rat and therefore only sapient when it's funny.] peppino rarely realizes what theyre doing until it's too late. get loved idiot
TANGENTIAL. DONT even get me started on the angst oh my god. you. i am pointing at you you made me think about this. i am not usually one who likes doing angst or making things excessively bad for the hell of it but. a bitch may be considering.
under cut bc its unrelated to gustavo stuff but this is as good an excuse as any to share. [+ also extra thoughts on it bc of COURSE]
so i said that at the end there but then a few hours later i found myself toying around with a script and getting a good way to set it up.... im hoping i hit a roadblock on it and drop it because if i DO end up getting it all the way written i will definitely end up drawing it at some point and that would be uh... a big undertaking.
it would also be one of the last ones i do bc there's other stuff i still want to build on, so IF, i cannot stress enough IF i go to make it a thing for real, it won't be this year.
for the bits i have so far though it's interesting how much it's shaping up to be like. a showcase of just how well peppino knows fp. which is surprisingly well? even better than gus, despite gus' being WAY more emotionally perceptive. peppino doesn't engage with fp more than necessary and rarely acts interested in his business, but i do think he spends a lot of time just... observing him. if only because pep is neurotic and anxious and fp is weird and freaky so it is a constant thing of "ok what the hell is this. is this something i need to be worried about?" whenever fp is doing shit, and the answer is always ''no'', but it's the sort of instinct that never leaves you yknow. so he's just very familiar with all fp's mannerisms and reactions and whatnot, even if he doesn't really use that knowledge much.......except when things go south. he's a lot more perceptive of fp acting 'wrong' or 'off' compared to gus, who would just be seeing it on a more normal 'aw he looked upset' kind of level.
i talk a lot abt fp's nervousness but the other negative thing that's just as strong with him is frustration. it doesn't usually get to him too bad, and he doesn't really show it around people outside of the occasional eyeroll; but it's stuff like not being able to communicate properly with anyone and getting constantly [negatively] misinterpreted; knowing he's Kinda Shite at his "purpose" [i.e. being 'better peppino' or whatever] and not being able to do anything about it [i don't think he cares about that much any more but i imagine it's still gotta be a bit annoying to remember]; not getting closure for like Anything that happened at the tower, etc... and while i DON'T think this would be the kind of thing to make him go berserk [i still don't really have any idea or framing for that lol; the script starts off a couple weeks in the aftermath and i pointedly don't do flashbacks], it's definitely the kind of thing that would get exacerbated by isolation. the kind of thing that's easy to focus on and spiral about without anyone to ground him; the kind of thing that could keep him from thinking clearly and he might just need to Take It Out on something after awhile.
peppino remains a terrible mediator but he is wildly resilient and tenacious, and if you need a guy to slap some sense into you... i mean he can very literally do that, and do it better than just about anyone.
#IF anyone is reading this whos been with me since the first pest control comic#i rescind the stuff i said about gustavo and fp there. i changed my mind it's this now#pizzaposting
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MONSTERFUCKER TIER LIST
Munch: I think we should start with the classics.
Biscuits: That's all you have to say for yourself? I will say that I suggested this as a joke - I will take the blame, but I didn't expect Munch to go along with it. But now we're in too deep. We can't back out. I guess we're doing this. Do you want to delineate your parameters?
M: Yes, but know that I will probably break them. Also, you started this. My brain just wouldn't let go of logistics. 1 - they must be an ADULT. 2 - they must either have multiple iterations or movies. 3 - they must be ICONIC. I think we should start with the obvious - fuckin' Dracula.
B: Well, obviously S Tier, but do we need to expound?
M: I mean, there's been a billion versions, but they're all pretty sexy.
B: Hell, you seen the Coppola movie? Dracula and Johnathan Harker? I'd fuck them both at once.
M: Alright, then, moving on. We'll just go straight for the Wolfman. Or werewolves in general.
B: Obviously also S Tier. I'm not a furry-
M: *laughs*
B: Werewolves are hot. You don't have to be a furry to want to fuck a sexy wolf-man. I will stand by this claim.
M: Ok. *wheezing*
B: Stop laughing!
M: I'm not gonna argue with you. Moving on. Frankenstein.
B: The monster or the man?
M: The monster!
B: Ok. I mean, in the novel, he was quite well-spoken and supposedly attractive.
M: Hollywood turned him into the cut-up amalgam with zero braincells.
B: Ok, himbo.
M: Definitely worth a cuddle. I dunno...I'd put that in A Tier.
B: I'll agree. Next?
M: Phantom of the Opera. I mean, depending on the version...
B: You're gonna sit here and try to tell me that you've not wanted to fuck the Phantom of the Opera for the last 25 years?
M: Nope. I'm not. S Tier.
B: Alright. Agreed. Moving on.
M: The Mummy
B: Now this is where things get interesting. He has been dead for like...hella long. I worry about the logistics, 'cause he's like dust. I mean, I seen the Brendan Fraser movie, Imhotep was not bad lookin, before he became a CG dead guy.
M: But we have to assume that it's the dead dusty version.
B: Again, I just think logistically, there's gonna be problems. C Tier? I feel like we have space to go downhill from here.
M: Did you wanna do the Creature From The Black Lagoon?
B: Sure, Guillermo Del Toro proved that it's hip to fuck fish.
M: I don't have any response to that. I'd rather fuck the fish-man from the Shape of Water? But I'd rather not fuck either of them. I would C Tier that shit.
B: You're being generous, C Tiering the fish man. But that just proves that we have lower to descend.
M: Now we're gonna get into the more slasher-y guys. Ok... Michael Myers. He's...just a dude. He's obviously built different, but appearance wise, he's just a dude.
B: I'm just imagining his DBD stun sound. B Tier. I could accept A Tier.
M: Rob Zombie Michael might be A Tier, that dude's a unit.
B: Are we classifying them separately?
M: Nah, let's put him in A Tier. Now, Leatherface
B: Again, there's been a number of versions.
M: I don't wanna fuck any of them! Even if he is just a dude.
B: The only difference is his mask is made of human skin. I don't think it's that bad of an option. If you wanna talk UNITS, remember Gunnar Hansen, who played Leatherface in the original, was like 6'7". BEEG boy. He seems like he could be gentle, if you asked him.
M: *dissociating* The human skin is a factor here.
B: You brought this on yourself. You invoked this. B tier? Ok, I don't think he's that far beneath Michael. Really. But I'll accept B.
M: Uhh...Jason
B: This one is a bit spicier. Jason has been everything from a deformed man to a lube-covered zombie to an evil terminator from the future. On the plus side, an infinite supply of lube from his algae-covered zombie body.
M: And yet...a shocking number of people want to buff this dude.
B: This isn't about a shocking number of people - this is about you and me, bro.
M: The fucked-up thing is I'm going to be like, "I wouldn't fuck Jason but I would fuck Godzilla."
B: So I'm a furry, and you're a scaly.
(Dib: And God is...so far away)
B: Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks? Anyways, the point is, how fuckable is Jason Voorhees?
M: I'm gonna put that in C Tier. He's a zombie for too many movies.
B: OK. Fair.
M: Um...Freddy? I mean...he's charming?
B: Does him being a child molester factor in here?
M: Yes.
B: Well, he was only really a child molester in the remake. In the original he was just a murderer. They didn't really take that angle.
M: The remake doesn't count. Child murder still pretty bad though.
B: I hate to break it to you, but there's gonna be a lot of murder here.
M: Also, he's all burnt. And gross.
B: Motherfucker looks like Pizza Hut cheese sticks. Also, the claw might get in the way. Avoid the swipes. C Tier? B Tier?
M: Yeah, C Tier... Pinhead.
B: S Tier.
M: Elaborate on that?
B: No.
M: I agree. Okay, umm...Ghostface?
B: Ghostface is different people in every movie.
M: For the purposes of this, it is just the first incarnations.
B: Ok...but they are both kinda greasy and I don't want to fuck either of them.
M: All love to Matthew Lilliard, but neither do I. So...
B: C Tier. I'd rather not. I like how I have ranked Leatherface above two normal men.
M: Well, we both ranked Pinhead above two normal men too, so... Next we're gonna do my boy Candyman, who is obviously S Tier.
B: OBJECTION - the bees. Yes, he's handsome and all that, but the bees.
M: Get an epi-pen.
B: I suppose I will accept S Tier. Tony Todd is hot and all, but I still have apprehensions about the bees.
M: Umm...Pennywise?
B: Uhh...
M: If you're really into foreheads.
B: I'd rather not. Maybe this will be bad news for my ass. I think...I won't. Sorry, clown fuckers, you can have him. That's the end of discussion.
M: Jigsaw.
B: Well, he's old - not that that's ever stopped me - but he is also kind of dying of cancer.
M: Not to mention he puts people into deathtraps. Can you imagine the after-sex conversation with that guy?
B: It'd be interesting. I think the whole 'literally dying' thing might cause some problems, so...
M: C Tier?
B: Yeah, I mean, over Pennywise, definitely. Next?
M: Amanda Young - one of the few female entries on this list.
B: I love Amanda, she's my favorite character in the SAW movies. A bit crazy, but I mean, I'm also not really sexually attracted to women. But you could do a lot worse.
M: Honestly, I think her unconditional devotion to Jigsaw is gonna be the biggest problem here. I mean, I'n not particularly attracted to Shawnee Smith (and I am attracted to women), but...A Tier?
B: Sure, we'll be nice.
M: On that note, let's do the other female one - Sil from Species. Who is kinda verging into the monster territory. She was mostly human though.
B: I mean, Pennywise was also a shape-shifting monster. But he's a clown and Sil just looks like a blond lady most of the time.
M: A naked blond lady.
B: Well, she is really horny. That's kind of her whole thing.
M: And yet - my desire to fuck her is so low. Plus, we couldn't reproduce, so I don't think she'd have any interest in me.
B: Where does that put our lovely lady?
M: B Tier I suppose. Next...Hannibal Lecter?
B: Are we talking the movies or the TV show?
M: I'm gonna say both - separate rankings. They're so different.
B: Well Mads Mikkelsen's Hannibal is obviously top tier. He's also obviously a top, but we haven't been factoring that in thus far. The whole point of the show was that you wanted to fuck him.
M: Uhh, *I* haven't been factoring that in. But I would still put Mads Hannibal in S Tier. Anthony Hopkins Hannibal? I'd rather not. He's kind of greasy and sleazy.
B: Eh...yeah.
M: Norman Bates.
B: S Tier.
M: ...More for you.
B: All love to Anthony Perkins, rest in peace, he was very cute. I mean the whole mom thing...
M: Two words: Mommy issues.
B: How is that worse than bees?!
M: The bees are metaphysical.
B: So are the mommy issues.
M: Okay...so where are you ranking this dude? This sad, pathetic little wet man?
B: Still S Tier.
M: Okay, the Tall Man is still in the humanoid-ish category, though technically he's an alien...I think?
B: You could glean anything from any of those movies? Anyways, the guy bleeds mustard, so god knows what kind of fluids would come out of him during intercourse. I don't really wanna think about it.
M: I'm gonna put that in bad for my ass tier. The jawas might be involved. Alright! Let's do the terminator.
B: Well, there's been a lot of terminators.
M: The first one was pretty fuckable though.
B: Also, an indestructable robot from the future.
M: That's not a deterrent.
B: Ok, fair. S Tier?
M: S Tier. Okay..let's just throw Chucky in there and get it over with.
B: Yeah, this is gonna be bad for my ass. The mere logistics make this already a non-starter.
M: We know he's capable of it.
B: Unfortunately. Those movies really got fuckin weird, didn't they? Voodoo magic I guess.
M: And the Bride of Chucky - what was her name? Tiffany Valentine.
B: Also bottom tier.
M: I've had a crush on Jennifer Tilly forever, but not as a doll.
B: We're not going any further into doll territory. We're ending the conversation here.
M: However, we are going much deeper into monster territory. We're gonna start with the predator. Ok, I have some things to say here. I fucking love the design of this monster. It is so fucking cool. The version from Prey made me very happy, but I have seen some things on my tumblr though after reblogging some gifs of it. THINGS. You know who you are. I will say, before the mask comes off, he's not bad!
B: Just kind of a buff dude with scales. He's got claws, that's fine.
M: The mask comes off and then it's a weird bug alien head that is never coming anywhere near me or my genitals.
B: Predator is obviously a butterface.
M: I can see why you all get excited, but like...how are we reconciling the horrifying bug parts? You all are just down for that?
B: I never said I was down for anything.
M: Also they're kinda hellbent on killing humans, but there was that one Chad Predator in Alien vs Predator with Lance Henriksen. I'd probably fuck that Predator.
B: You've been complaining about predator fuckers but now we can't put that dude that low on the list!
M: As long as he keeps his mask on.
B: Michael Myers and Jason are probably also keeping the masks on.
M: That is a factor though. I'd be more likely to fuck Jason if I couldn't see his face. B tier.
B: I think there's worse options on this list.
M: Xenomorph. Okay so...canonically....in Alien 4.....Ripley fucks a xenomorph. It's not even that graphic. I know there's a lot of people out there who are way into this, I'm not really down that bad.
B: There's some people who wish Alien Vs Predator had just been a porno.
M: Again...it's a fucking cool monster.
B: That sounds like monster fucker talk to me.
M: I can appreciate the design without wanting to fuck it. Also....acid blood....so god knows what's coming out the other parts. It seems just like an all around dangerous situation.
B: Also kind of bloodthirsty alien monster.
M: I'd put that in bad for my ass tier.
B: The xeno doesn't pass the Harkness test. A lot of these don't.
M: The Predator could but we're not talking about that now. That's a whole other tier ranking. Are you in agreement?
B: Yeah, bad for my ass tier.
M: Pyramid head. Is that one word or two? I don't know.
B: He is canonically dummy thicc. Double cheeked up.
M: I think this gets into logistics again though. How would you even manage it with that thing on his head?
B: He really is just a buff dude with a giant thing on his head though. Just lay him down. Can Pyramid head even lay down?
M: See...this is what I mean. Supposing that it's logistically possible, is he fuckable?
B: I think he might also not pass the Harkness test. Does he have an intellect?
M: Why is this suddenly a factor? We never considered that before. Of course, most of them were humanoid or human so....I guess consent is a factor. SO....assuming he's consenting, and assuming it's possible....would you fuck Pyramidhead?
B: Why are you asking ME? Why is this burden on me?
M: Okay fine. I'd probably fuck Pyramid head. B tier.
B: He is conceptually just a buff dude with a pyramid head.
M: Pumpkinhead. Again...fucking cool creature design...I'm not fucking that thing. It is legit terrifying.
B: Kinda gross, not gonna lie. Not really any redeeming qualities.
M: Bad for my ass tier and I feel bad for that because he's very cool but....Okay....The Creeper. We're gonna pretend like the dude who made these isn't the grossest person ever. It's not relevant.
B: That's not what we're dealing with in this particular instance.
M: He's pretty wild. He's got wings, he can regenerate body parts, he's only active once every 23 years or some shit so you'd have to hit that while you could.
B: Well Pennywise is only active like every 27 to 30 years so...
M: I think he's actually more fuckable than Pennywise, but...he also has the gross bug face thing. Also eats people. Lots of people eating going on here. Mostly just looks like a dude in his normal state.
B: Not like insanely fuckable but...C tier?
M: Yeah okay. What's next? We're getting into some really weird shit here. Slenderman. He's been in a couple of films and they were all bad. But he's iconic. Does he pass the Harkness test? Probably not.
B: He's kinda of an amorphous folkloric character. We all know he lives in a mansion in the woods with Jeff the Killer and Eyeless Jack and all those other dudes from your spooky spaghettis.
M: *laughs* Spooky spaghetti??
B: You've never heard that before? Would I fuck Slenderman though? Well, everybody's crazy about a sharp dressed man.
M: He does have those tentacle things.
B: Is that a plus or a minus?
M: For me a minus, but there's also the child murder. Also the static and weird silence during sex would be so strange. Hard pass.
B: I'd rather not.
M: Same. C tier. The Thing, from the movie The Thing. We're gonna have to get into some logistics here.
B: It CAN take a human form, but I think it procreates just by cell division. I don't know if it would even be interested.
M: Procreation is not a factor. Would you knowingly fuck it in human form?
B: No, it scares me.
M: It would probably just eat us. So...no. Bad for my ass. Going even deeper...The Blob. Would also probably just eat you.
B: It's not gonna be that bad for your ass though, it's basically just jelly.
M: It's gonna be bad for every part of you! It's acidic! It dissolves people! And asses!
B: I think it's still gonna be bad for your ass.
M: Nothing really fuckable here though. It doesn't even have a shape. Bottom tier.
B: Okay....Godzilla.
M: S tier. Would absolutely fuck. I would die....but I would die having fucked Godzilla.
B: Why are you into this? This is still gonna be really bad for your ass though.
M: It's a risk i'm willing to take.
B: People are gonna think you're joking and you're not.
M: I'm absolutely not. Are we divided on this?
B: I think we're pretty divided on this. Both tiers at once. We've got some miscellany here. A couple of random ones. Bruce, the shark from Jaws. Reminder, Munch made this list. Anyways, the logistics are just not good. First of all, you're gonna have to get under the shark. You're gonna have to be underwater, holding on for dear life.
M: You suggested the shark. I'm with you on this. Also I don't want to fuck a shark.
B: It's not ideal. Bad for my ass tier.
M: Okay we're gonna give Nosferatu/Count Orlock his own thang. He's a very different version of a vampire. He is not what most would call sexy, but to each their own.
B: He's more fuckable than a shark.
M: Absolutely. There was the Werner Herzog movie that was kind of absurdly horny.
B: He's just a weird looking guy with big teeth.
M: He's fine. I'd B tier that actually, comparatively.
B: The Babadook from the movie, The Babadook. Who, from what I understand, is just kind of a weird goth guy with a big mouth and very long fingers.
M: The illustrated version of him was far more frightening. He did only have the one movie, but he's iconic. Also an LBGTQ icon so....I'd probably hit that. Like Pyramidhead, he's just a manifestation of grief so...
B: Funeral sex!
M: B tier? You could do worse.
B: A tier, he deserves it. Are we gonna do The Nun or just leave it?
M: I think we just leave it. How do we top the Babadook?
B: This whole thing has been about how we're gonna top the Babadook!
M: I feel like this is saying a lot of things about us that probably shouldn't be out there on the internet, but then again, we saw someone make a horny post about Bill Barr. I've seen some things on my feed that make me feel so very normal. So very vanilla.
B: We've seen things that people should have probably thought about before they put them out on the internet, and I write fanfiction. You have to write it out and then hit post. You have time to think about what you're saying.
M: Also, this is a COMEDY SHOW.
B: It's funny. Abs hurt from laughing at own jokes.
M: We're fucking hysterical, and apparently down for fucking some monsters.
B: We're down pretty bad. Munch and Biscuits out, yo.
#regret#tier list#monster#monsterfucker#munchflix#the five stages of grief#terato#dracula#werewolf#predator#pinhead#godzilla#slashers#COMEDY#THIS IS A JOKE
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JUDE & ANGEL— DAY THIRTY-NINE.
location : kitchen
time : jude and angel talk about the hideaway. after jenny asks jude to be exclusive, he finds himself wondering if she’s too keen.
featuring : angel / @dobits
angel reid
"mmmmmorning," angel sing-songs, physically unable to remove the wide grin from his mouth as he strolls into the kitchen, bushy-tailed and bright eyed. he's still only in his undies, just made a quick stop at the pisser before seeking out judey. he affectionately scruffs the back of his neck as he walks past, trying to play it oh-so cool for as long as possible. "get good sleep?"
𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.
jude's in the kitchen, lovingly preparing a granola-yogurt smoothie situation for jenny and a fry up for him (plus an extra few sausages for when jenny inevitably wants one). he's still on a mission to make her a better smoothie than josh had, more out of pride now than any weird paranoia that that's still a thing, focused intently on the sizzle of his pan when angel slides in from behind (cheeky). "alright, mucker? so she took you to the hideaway, then?" jude asks, yet to turn and give angel his full attention. when he does, it's clear from the shit-eating grin on angel's face than they did more than just hash things out. "you dirty fucker." the spatula's already down, heat turned off as jude starts jumping across the kitchen to grab hold of angel's shoulders and make him jump with him. "you got some! second night in a row, bro, you're fuckin' coming for my crown!"
angel reid
there's no shot these two would react to getting laid on the outside as they do in the villa, and it's not helping angel beat the virgin allegations, but as far as he's concerned it's a rite of passage and precisely what he's expecting out of jude. "brooo," angel hypes in a fit of laughter, jumping along with him. his head hangs back in his chuckles, bit bashful. "i thought we were just gonna fight, honestly. like, we were both pretty pissed at each other, but -- dude, oh my god, there's a stripper pole in there." thumb jerks back over his shoulder, a general gesture to the hideaway. the meaning is clear - who can manage a fight in proximity to a pole? then his gaze floats over the counter, jude's morning spread littering the space and angel's mouth quirks with a knowing smile. "for wifey?" a little teasing, he pushes his shoulder into jude's chest. "you guys are really all cuffed up, huh?"
𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.
“don’t even say that shit, man. i’m so jealous,” jude groans, returning to the hob to flip his eggs, tossing them up like it’s a pancake rather than a fry-up. “jenny’s been hankering for hideaway since the day we coupled up. i’m out here dreaming of the hideaway, bro.” they’re not exactly quiet in the bedroom, but the opportunity to be in a soundproof box stocked like a lovehoney warehouse? nice. “yeah, for wifey. although that shit’s kinda weird right now actually. you’re not gonna believe this right, but jenny kinda asked me to be exclusive.” jude turns off the heat, picks up the pan, and slides the contents of it onto his plate. “and i, like a fuckin’ dick, said no? or at least, not yet. i’m kicking myself about it now, but i feel like it’s the best choice. i don’t want her rushin’ that shit to distract me from the fact that she kissed victoria. that ain’t just a plaster you can slap on and make everything okay.” he’s pretty sure angel and callie are closed off, but it feels different with them, somehow. they haven’t had the same hurdles. “also, we’ve known each other, what, like, ten days? i like her a lot, but it feels a bit keen.”
angel reid
“i’m just glad i got in there before you two freaks,” he says affectionately. angel knows what jude and jenny get up to under the covers in a room full of people, he doesn’t wanna see the aftermath of them finally, truly alone. “not enough disinfectant in the world, my guy.” there’s a comedic pause as he watches jude arrange the plate. “— i thought i was wifey.” the pout is playful, is very aware that at the very least he’ll get jenny’s leftovers. then angel’s distracted by the absolute blindside of jenny wanting commitment. “i mean… you guys are already pretty exclusive, no?” spoken out the side of his mouth, like he’s trying not to say the quiet part out loud. “no, i mean, i feel you. you want it to be for the right reasons. i’m just like… well, i feel like jenny’s the kinda chick who would say it was distraction, but actually totally mean it low key.” plus it was just one silly little kiss on a first date, but he’s not gonna tell jude that, ever the loyal number two. instead he nods, cants his head. “yo, if you aren’t there yet, then honesty’s the best policy and you did good. but i think you should, like, consider the fact that jenny just wants you, dude.” a pause, he smacks jude’s arm with the back of his hand, a playful scowl wrinkling his features. “and ten days so isn’t too soon to wanna be exclusive with somebody, thanks.”
𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.
jude’s already smirking, shaking his head with a low laugh in his throat. “mate, they’d have to fuckin’ blitz the place. disinfectant wouldn’t cut it, you’d need a baptism of fire on that shit. better yet, just knock the whole thing down and build a new one from scratch.” didn’t they do that with the villa each year anyway? or at least, the layout seemed to change year-on-year. this one’s definitely not the version siobhan made on the sims when she heard he was going to be going on the show, a goofy little sim of him that she said she’d use to recreate his journey. kinda fucked now he thinks about it, but makes sense given her whole medic with a god complex vibe. “man, family day can’t come soon enough. obviously, i want jenny to meet them, but i need you to meet ‘em, bro. my mum’s gonna end up as your second mum, fo sho.” at angel’s pout, jude leans in, catching his jaw in his hand and placing a deliberately curt kiss against his lips. “you are wifey. what the girls don’t know won’t hurt ‘em.” jude plucks a sausage from his plate and swallows it in two bites, giving jenny’s smoothie another zhuzh in the blender before pouring it over some ice, two raspberries and a mint leaf. “looks like a dick, that,” he notes, with all the sincerity of david attenborough, serious crease between his brows. considering angel’s words, jude’s stomach curdles a little, feeling even more like he’s fucked up by tactlessly shooting her down. “yeah. yeah. we basically are exclusive. i dunno why i don’t want the label, it’s not like it makes a difference. i’m basically her boyfriend, bro. i think when we seal it off, though, i want it to be a moment i can show my nan, you get me? the big movie moment. can’t exactly show my nan a clip that borders on porno, now can i?”
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Tommy memory compilation :D some of these r stuff I've already shared, but I've organized them into a list by character in alphabetical order so ppl can check what I remember them or people they like as :3
Mostly appearance stuff cus that's easy, but some just opinions and specific memories too!
People not included cus I don't rlly remember them: Foolish, Ponk, Ant, Lazar, Hannah, Slime, Hbomb, Eryn, Tina, Boomer, Seapeekay, Aimsey, Allysa, Jikishi, Manatreed
BadBoyHalo: dude living up on da hill, I loved annoying him with swearing XD he was in a big cloak thing like his mc skin, he sounded very silly for a man with such an intimidating outfit eh? He was not human for sure, some sort of demon thing probably? Dark grey dude.
Callahan: early guy on the server yeah? He was there in ye oldey days, I obviously didn't *converse* with him exactly he was just there! He looked like his skin honestly, but he was wearing armor as you do, which did not look like minecraft armor it was kind of like, strapped on armor plates. I'm pretty sure he was actually a satyr (they were pretty common)
Connor: he’s chill. Normal short man in a onesie
Dream: physically speaking: average height human man (shorter than me L) with brown hair.
Eret: My royalty B) Darkish brown hair, sunglasses, bit shorter than wil but generally decently tall. Had short hair but grew it a bit longer, not quite shoulder length. Might just have been my perception because of the voice but to me i thought she was generally fairly masc for a lot of the time i knew them, but to be fair I guess I didn't see him as much after her betrayal anyhow, sorry big e. Which for the record, I forgive then, dreams a dick.
Fundy: FUNDY!!!! wil lied to me and told me he was just a furry and I believed him even though his tail moved and felt and shit I'm just stupid and believe whatever wil says- ANYWAYS we shared a room for a while in ye old lmanborg, it was really nice I miss him a lot. Like family, you know? Gives me the cain instinct to bite him B)
Speaking of! Memory I've written before I enjoy: I was sat on the couch with fundy, I had decided to lay over like half the couch upside down like a dickhead (/pos) and the annoying ass decided to slap his tail on my face cus we were being annoying and he wanted me to move. You already know where this is going, I wish you could hear his fucking SCREAM when I bit down on his tail full force, so worth it LMAO
George: pretty normal lookin human guy, got fuckin like shit creepin in on his face like not his whole face but like a fuckin rash pattern of mushroom pattern like red with spots amantia type shit, in the 3d and shit grosssss/lh barely saw him but he was definitely diseased in some way /hj
Ghostbur: brother time. Hung with me in exile because he is epic. He'd sleep in my tent with me sometimes, although I don't really know if he actually slept or just laid there and watched me from time to time. Either way it doesn't matter, I felt so much safer just having him there with me.
We went on walks. Usually with friend, out to the field get him some grass to eat. Lads on tour, eh? He'd always try to joke with me to cheer me up. I wasn't cheered a lot of the time, but I was a lot better than if he didn't help. Even now hearing his voice is very calming for me, he was a very comforting presence in the least.
Sometimes we'd just sit in the grass together. Sometimes we'd build together. Or pick flowers. Id sit under the sun, wanting nothing more than to just never get up from where I was laying, maybe sink away into the ground and be done, but he'd walk around picking flowers, putting them in a pile next to me as he went and then in the end he'd sit down by me and weave em together into a flower crown. Empty blue was more glassy (not sure if that’s the right word, just less *blue*) while full blue was more fuzzy(? it was less solid idk) and deep blue, like the kind you could use as dark blue dye or lapis. It smelled like rain a bit, sometimes it smelled fuckin bad when you got it all full of bad feelings, tubbos smelt like that I remember.
Jack Manifold
Jschlatt:
Hot. I was a fuckin fan of him when I was fuckin younger but he turned into a fuckin dick in the server honestly, like damn rip king.
Karl: I’m not gonna lie he and the boys were like the cool kids and I was too lame for them by comparison, he was a relatively (for Minecraft at least) normal looking human as far as I remember, brown hair and shit but some cool stuff going on, colorful innit
Mexican Dream: my king! He was so fucking funny man, he was the fucking best! Absolutely love that guy. I can't directly access my memories of him because of trauma around that time and that stuff, so all that I know is this insanely big positive feeling around him and how fucking funny and supportive and wonderful he was for his whole life.
Michael: little pig man, ranboo and tubbos swag son. He thought it was funny when I’d go “mimimi” so I’d just say “mimimi” at him
Nihachu: short (but not THAT short) human woman with long, fairly light blonde hair. She looked quite cool in her blue lmanburg uniform, I've got to say.
Back in early lmanburg, i bit Niki on the arm while she was baking, don't remember why lmao, probably just in a silly goofy mood, I just remember her doing the Niki squeak and getting cross with me over it, told me somethin bout how if I was just more patient I could bite some bread instead, but it was phrased more charmingly than that, she's better at words than me.
I feel mad when I think of her sometimes, but I'm sure she's cool now? I don't know.
Philza: technos roommate, medium sized blonde fella with the long hair
Puffy: MY THER O PISST!! She taught me lots of coping skills and how to deal with my trauma and helped me learn a bit more about how my brain worked and just as a whole a fucking inspiration who helped me in more ways than I can count, probably the person who helped me the most in the smp, not because anyone else was bad but just because my trauma with dream had me genuinely that fucked up ok, like she helped me through a lot. If I ever decided to talk about my experiences with dream on here to get a canon mate it’d be to get a puffy to recognize it not dream (that’s a joke, I’m not going to talk about dream to u guys /lh.) She was light skinned and had long white/blonde curly hair, she wore a big coat though she used to wear somethin different.
Purpled: loser/j with like dirty brown hair and a light purple jacket. Fuckin bantered with him too hard it annoyed the shit outta him, we woulda been friends if I wasn’t so fucking annoying/j fought with him for no reason really, just how I was at the time, so we didn’t really interact much over time.
Punz: fuckin chad saved me and tubso from dream eh? Blonde ass.
Quackity: BIG Q I loved hanging out with him on the early smp man! In my age range-I mean he was 19 but close enough! Had his beanie and straight black hair and shit, typical short ass as well though he'd disagree with that lol! He was always cool honestly, but we grew a bit apart because you know he grew up or whatever, but honestly I think that was kind of in my head and I wish I hung out with him more in retrospect. Just became kind of reclusive.
Ranboo: Oh I HATED his ass XD I was just so fucking jealous of him like no tubbo isn't allowed to have people closer than me!!! I'm over that feeling now lol I was just clingy. I know he helped me a bit in exile, but I don't remember exile so that's sort of just a file in my brain lol, thanks boss man though! He's a funky half n half black and white man. Very very tall, couldn't be bothered to look up at him (and yknow wouldn't cus. Enderman. Just have the social training to not make eye contact with em.) He wore a nice fancy suit tho.
Sapnap: same shit as Karl of being a Cool Kid >:T he's also an ass tho ngl, that's just how he is tho /lh. Black hair, stubble, same outfit as his skin, shorter than me but average height.
Sam: I don't remember him really just like, a general negative vibe.
Skeppy: some fockin rich guy livin on a hill, fuckin famous innit?
Techno: big man pig man, I remember him being a very large wide pig guy, not a human, lived in a fucking snowy land in a cabin and shit. I’d steal his fuckin food just for fun even tho he didn’t really give a shit. Wasn’t fuckin touchy or anything but his fur/skin was kinda rough I think, not soft, real strong pig man yknow, made for battle kind I thought. He’s really cool, when he’d stand in front of or behind me I just felt fuckin safe cus he’s so strong and protective and what not. I got pretty peeved about all the fucking shit he did yknow withers and shit but I have nice memories with him and I prefer to think about that. Better than fucking dream eh?
ME (TOMMY!!):
Grew up in hypixel before comin to dsmp, was probably not old enough to be there but I have never done anything wrong in my life./j
I had those fucking crusty white dog tear streaks on my eye cus I had fur around it, fuckin cool satyr shit. Had big ass horns, went straight up from kinda the top of my head middle, not the forehead not the sides the head itself. Fun to swing around, can point my head down if I need to get somewhere cus they’ll fucking BONK anyone who gets in my way >:D just walking horns forward in a “don’t walk into me, I have right of way” way. I did actually like to head butt people I liked as a nice thing yknow playful fucking goat >>:D fun fun.
I had a red bandana I loved, felt like a normal kinda rough bandana bit dirty and worn you know. No green bandana baby, only dark red with the generic bandana pattern.
I lived in a shithole house that I loved with a fucking little garden outside like real patchy shit with carrots and shit, fuckin best garden ever I’ll say really small really mmmmm.
Yeh then I fucking died
Tubbo: satyr like me who I kinda grew up with in hypixel, we was epic teens together at least! Not a blonde ass like me, light brown hair I think, at least not super light! Hairy satyr ears ya. When he was younger he had short hair and these little baby horns, pretty short weak guy yaknow, I mean he wasn't WEAK weak he was a builder a miner a crafter a redstoner all that good stuff you gotta be, he also I believe had dark eyes which is super odd because later in life he had straight up light grey eyes, like not so light you couldn't tell it apart from the white of the eyes but also very damn light. they mustve changed over time or maybe I'm just stupid and misremembering one. Anyways later on in snowchester he got all strong and shit, big man only got bigger, but not in a skinny way no he was a fat fucking man in the best way possible. Not HUGE but in no way little, he got some meat on them bones. I think he was always pretty strong, shit just became more obvious as he got older and fatter, the fantastic side effects of aging I suppose. His horns grew over time as I knew him, sort of grew back and then curled down you know, ram horn shit. Pretty thick large horns.
Vikk: cool guy, just like zkepp, some celebrity ultra chad
Wilbur: human brown hair dude, bet that dumb ass in this life fucking WISHES he was some cool fucking mystical creature, he had the fuckin personality of a dude who wasn’t supposed to be human.
I remember I think Wil telling me to hold my head up straight with the implied reason being because of my horns. But not because I was gonna hurt anyone or anything, it was said the same way adults tell ya to fix your posture. I remember being annoyed and not doing it cus I know best about my own horns or whatever, but it actually does have better support and balance annoyingly enough, a lot of people knew that just basic satyr posture shit. He wasn’t the only person to tell me to keep my head up straight, those bitches back in hypixel did that too.
#if u wanna know actyal tl my timeline was pretty canon compliant in general :D#also!! if anyone reads this and has further questions abt my tl/my mems feel free ta visit the ask box and ask!!#dsmp kin#dream smp kin#kin#tommyinnit kin#tommy kin#my memories
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little red box [pt.3 of Fennel Fields Forever]
part 1 | part 2
read on ao3
synopsis: You've always been pretty good at keeping your cards close to your chest. Now your poker face? That's another story.
pairing: adrian chase/gender neutral reader
word count: 4.6k (it just keeps getting longer. lord have mercy on yall for chapter 4)
warnings: explicit language, implied sexual content, canon-typical violence, fluff, mutual pining, slow burn, idiots to lovers
a/n: TEE HEE IT'S CHAPTER 3! honest to god, it was really tough trying to decide whether to relent and give yall the sauce now, or set everything up just a little more and make the finale just that tiny bit more delectable. you'll just have to read on to see what i decided on! and thank yall again for all the love on fennel fields, this fic has truly become my baby and i know i'm gonna feel empty as hell when it's finished lmao.
“And that’s the ’office’” Leota sighed as she sat down at her desk, clapping her hands against her thighs in conclusion, “You can sit with me till you get the hang of things.”
“Thank you.” you uttered with a polite smile, assuming the seat at the desk next to her after she pushed it towards you. Leota was definitely the most welcoming towards you, Economos following closely behind, and you were very grateful for their generous guidance as you tried to get caught up with the chaos you’d found yourself in the midst of.
Adrian watched from his desk on the other side of the office, hiding behind his Count Crowley comic book. At first, he was really reading it, he was very invested in a tense standoff between the main protagonist and a werewolf. But the second he sensed your presence, he assumed the position he always did when you were near - hide and stare. Adrian never found the right words to describe how he felt, he just liked the way that being around you made him feel, and knew he wanted to keep feeling that way whenever possible.
It soon began to dawn on you that you didn’t feel too dissimilar, though your reaction to the addictive feeling was vastly different from Adrian’s, in that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. You hated that you felt giddy when he was in the room. You loathed that you felt sick and tired and empty when he left. You’d felt this way a few times before. Enough times to know that this feeling only served as a harbinger of doom.
“You seem nervous, what’s up?” Leota asked, snapping you out of your internal pity-party. You quickly scrambled to fabricate a believable cover-up story for your sombre demeanour.
“I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” you deceived, though your answer wasn’t entirely false. You could see Adrian eavesdropping from the other side of the room, his glasses perched over the top of his comic, and you tried to bury yourself a little deeper in your chair as you felt your skin grow warm.
“You’re seriously overestimating what I can do. I just got real lucky with those guys in the alley last night, that’s all.”
“Murn wouldn’t have asked you to join us if he didn’t think you could handle it. He might be a little intimidating, but he’s got a knack for seeing people’s potential and helping them realise it.” Leota reassured you, curling her lips inwards as she smiled.
“You shouldn’t be nervous, you fuckin’ obliterated those dudes last night!” Chris interrupted yet again, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. You jumped in fright and turned to face him.
“Jesus christ,” you exhaled, holding your hand over your racing heart, “You sure do make a habit of sneaking up on people, huh?”
Chris just laughed in response, shaking his head as he continued his ‘pep talk’.
“You know, if you’re nervous, why don’t we go shoot some rounds? Nothing lets out the tension quite like gratuitous violence”
Adrian’s head immediately perked up at the mention of violence. He slammed down his comic in excitement, grabbing the attention of everyone else and turning their heads towards him.
“Did someone say gratuitous violence?”
You sighed a faint chuckle. You were beyond overwhelmed with your current situation for a ridiculous number of reasons, and your usual forms of stress relief were to take yourself to the boxing ring, or take it out on your lounge room wall. So ’fuck it’, you thought, pushing yourself back up to stand. Everyone’s heads spun back around at the squeak of your chair.
“I’ll go get my knives.”
Chris drove the van further and further away from the heart of the city, humming along nonchalantly to the music playing through the tinny speakers as you and Adrian sat silently in the back. The moment the street lights were replaced with nothing but trees was the moment you started to feel antsy. Where the hell were they taking you?
Adrian watched you longingly from the other side of the van as you wiped your sweaty hands against your jeans, wishing he had the ability to know what to say to you. Your head lifted from it’s lull as you heard the asphalt transition to dirt beneath the tires, your brow creasing in concern. Seriously, where the fuck were they taking you?
In an attempt to quell your nerves, you did the only thing you knew how to do in these situations - crack jokes.
“Y’know,” your voice cracked as you broke the silence with a nervous chuckle, “If I didn’t know you any better, I’d think you were taking me some place quiet to kill me.”
Adrian’s face immediately broke out into a smile, so thankful and so relieved to have an opening to talk to you. So thankful in fact, that he jumped to speak before he had a chance to think.
“Well why else would we take you to the middle of the woods?” he laughed darkly, his head wobbling back and forth with the movement of the van on the harsh road. Adrian grew panicked at the sight of your brow furrowing further and your lips parting slightly in concern, and he rushed to clarify himself as calmly as he could.
“I-I’m joking. It was a joke” he laughed nervously. Relief flooded his system as he watched you roll your eyes, your face softening into an exasperated smile.
“Someone’s been working on their poker face,” you commended, “For the first time ever, you really had me fooled for a second”. You shook your head and laughed as you saw his posture straighten in pride, you couldn’t help but admire how he looked in his costume. He looked different. More confident.
Eventually, the van pulled up at a clearing in the woods, and you jumped out after Adrian to be faced with a slew of targets, cans, bottles and… was that a blender?... Various household items displaced on tree stumps and pedestals, the forest floor littered with broken glass and debris. It was a makeshift shooting range. They were taking you to a shooting range.
You felt more at home there than in the office by a country mile, assumptively setting your knives up on a barrel situated near a target not too dissimilar from the one you had at home.
Chris locked the van and headed towards the two of you. He chuckled as he spotted Adrian standing a few feet away, shamelessly gawking at you as you laid out your weapons, and quickly jogged over to him to pry further.
“Down that bad, huh?” he scoffed, prompting Adrian to turn his head in shock.
“Wh-What? Down bad? Me? Wh-Pfffft-huh” Adrian snorted, instantly giving himself away. Chris ‘comfortingly’ clapped his large hand over Adrian’s shoulder.
“There’s no shame in love, Adrian…” Chris confided. Adrian let out a groan of discomfort as he straightened his gaze to watch you once more. With a small throwing knife in your hand, you elegantly flicked your wrist as you let it go, and the three of you watched as it wedged itself securely in the dead-centre of the bullseye.
“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck” Adrian drawled, feeling his oesophagus tighten in arousal at your prowess. Chris watched on, just as impressed, and clapped his hand down on Adrian’s shoulder once more to reinforce his point.
“You gotta lock that shit down, man, ASAP”
“How?” Adrian asked, his eyes refusing to look away from you as you set yourself up with another knife.
“Fuckin’, talking to them would be a good start! Instead of just creeping around like a creepy… Creep?” Chris advised sternly, “Look, because I’m such a nice guy, I’ll even be your wingman if you need it.”
Adrian opened his mouth to ask Chris what to say, before you piped up from your spot by the barrel, loading a small handgun.
“If I’m gonna be out in the field, someone better each me how to fire one of these fuckin’ things properly!” you shouted, just loud enough for them to hear you properly.
Adrian went to speak once again, this time getting interrupted by Chris, who hastily pushed him in your direction.
“Go, man! Go!”
Adrian walked in the direction of the push until he found himself next to the barrel, transfixed by your close proximity. ‘Say something, Adrian,’ he chastised himself, ‘Say something! Now!’
“What about all those?” he muttered, pointing at your knives splayed out on the top of the barrel.
“They’re good for a lot of things, but I don’t wanna be caught with my head up my ass bringing a knife to a gunfight,” you explained, “Now show me how to hold it properly so I look like I know what I’m doing.”
Adrian couldn’t do anything but chuckle. Over the past 24 hours, he’d felt so uneasy whenever he watched you, perturbed by your uncharacteristic placidness, and he felt beyond relieved to see your sharp wit slowly return to it’s normal, blighting state.
Wordlessly preparing his own gun, he stood beside you as he guided you through each step of the process of holding and firing a pistol securely. As you followed along, your subconscious was enjoying the marvel of it all. Never had you seen him quite so relaxed or confident.
Watching Adrian in his element for the first time was a double edged sword. On the plus side, you finally got to meet a new side of him. You liked the goofy, clumsy, stammering bus-boy Adrian plenty, but it was so refreshing to see him feeling so bold and self-assured. On the down side, it was vehemently fueling that little nagging flame in the back of your mind, the one that made your stomach flip and your knees wobble in his presence, making it harder and harder to ignore.
You aimed your pistol and fired again, gnarling as you watched it clip the very edge of the target. You just couldn’t seem to land a clean shot. Adrian watched closely as you fired the gun and could immediately identify what was throwing you off.
“It’s the recoil,” he explained, “you’re curling your thumbs so when you shoot, the recoil’s shifting your aim too much.”
“Wh-” you huffed, looking down at your grip to try and figure out what the hell he meant, to no avail, “Literally what are you talking about?”
Without thinking, Adrian walked over to you to demonstrate what he meant, all too familiar with the exact frustration you were experiencing. He stood behind you in a wide stance, reaching his arms around either side of you to grab your thumbs. He straightened them out, then placed one over the other so your grip now wrapped around the back of the gun more securely.
“So now when the gun recoils, it’s gonna shift way less in your hands so you can shoot way straighter” he explained close to your ear, finally turning to look at you. That was when he noticed just how close you were.
On the other side of the interaction, you too had turned to face him, and felt your lungs expel every last molecule of oxygen as you noticed how close he was to you. You felt incredibly sheepish. Internally, you weren’t even kicking yourself anymore. You’d already beat the shit out of them and locked them in a chokehold, waiting for the imaginary referee to confirm you were out for the count. But you just couldn’t pull away.
If you could keep feeling like this, you’d never need to roll another joint again. Up close, you could finally appreciate just how beautiful he was. You could see the whispers of the dimples hiding in his cheeks, you could see the sun-bleached tips of his eyelashes as they framed his green eyes like a portrait in the Louvre. You desperately fought off the urge to look at his lips. You’d already given yourself away enough with your longing gaze, and you knew if you looked at them now, you’d never be able to stop thinking about them until you did something about it.
Adrian ogled you with a stupefied expression, desperately trying and hopelessly failing to process the way you were looking at him. Reading in between the lines was not his forte, but your doe-eyed expression and your wandering eyes and the fact that you’d yet to shake off his embrace like you normally would had to mean something, right?
“Awwwh!” Chris barged in, again, “It’s just like that horny pottery scene in ghost! But instead of clay it’s a pistol… and neither of you are dead… wait, does that mean I’m Whoopi Goldberg?”
Chris’ interruption knocked the sense back into you, quickly ripping your hands out of Adrian’s grip and harshly shrugging his body off yours. ‘Why the fuck did I let myself do that?’ you chastised inwardly, gritting your teeth to try and push through your sudden and overwhelming embarrassment. You could hear Adrian inhale, presumably to say something. Maybe to make a joke of it all, maybe to try and get you back in his arms. By this point however, you were far too mortified to want to find out.
Assuming the grip he had just taught you, you raised your gun, taking a short second to breathe deeply, and unloaded the rest of the clip into the target.
You quickly strode over to the barrel and collected your knives, stalked up to the other two, silently shoved the gun into Adrian’s chest, and then made a hasty bee line for the van, not bothering for a second to turn around and see how you did.
Chris stared at the target in astonishment. There were a few stray bullet holes scattered around the outer rings, but you’d shot through the bullseye almost completely, leaving a big, gaping hole through the centre.
“Holy shit!” Chris laughed, thoroughly impressed with your skill. He felt a warm pressure push against his body and looked down to see Adrian shoving the gun into his chest, before stomping off in the direction of the van as well. Chris grabbed the firearm before it could drop to the ground and followed the two of you, completely unaware he’d spoiled the moment.
You curled even further inwards over the next few days, hoping and praying that if you just avoided looking at Adrian for long enough, the spell you were under would finally let up and you could get back to being your normal, derisive self again. To your dismay, even his presence in the room and the sound of his nasally voice still made your head spin. It was torture, and what’s worse is that you had no idea how to stop it.
Meanwhile, Adrian was completely bewildered at why you’d flipped on him like that. All the books he read and all the movies he watched and all of his friends… well… Chris, had all told him that you get closer to the love interest, you have the defining, lovestruck staring-contest moment, then you kiss, and then it’s happily ever after. But you just shoved a gun in his chest and walked off. He’d never read about that part, or seen it in a movie, and he would definitely remember if Chris had told him about it.
Finally, the time came for you to go out in the field and put everything you’d been practicing into place. Murn briefed everyone in the office that morning, though you’d only caught about half of what he was saying over the thundering of your heart. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins - both at the prospect of real life, head on danger, and the fact that you may have to interact with Adrian with no way out and no excuse to run further away from your feelings.
“Okay. So we have zero idea of what the fuck is actually in there,” Harcourt announced, the rest of you circling around her to listen as she stood against the side of the van, “It could be totally barren, it could be swarming with butterflies. All we know is that the box is somewhere inside. Hopefully”
You’d caught just enough of what Murn said that morning to know what box she was referring to. According to his sources, there was a small, red lock box hidden inside the building you’d parked in front of, containing evidence. Evidence of what, you weren’t quite sure, your ears started rumbling well before Murn divulged those details.
“Hopefully?” Chris squawked at Harcourt, his arms folded over his chest. You felt yourself growing anxious at her words. What if the building was filled with more of those alleyway goons? You were lucky to take on 3, let alone hundreds. Harcourt ignored Chris’ comment completely, and turned to face Economos who was tapping away at his tablet doing god knows what.
“Economos, you’re on tech in the van,” she turned to Leyota, “Adebayo and Smith, you’ll take the front with me,” she turned to you, “and you two will take the back.”
Harcourt quickly turned on her heel and made her way to the front of the entrance as you were left to realise exactly what she’d just said. ‘You two’. You and Adrian. Together. Alone. You shot a panicked glance in Harcourt's direction, your face quickly dropping into one of pure shock as she turned back around to throw you an oddly kind, knowing wink before rounding the corner. She knew.
You had no time to ruminate on the discovery, however, your thoughts being rudely interrupted by the obnoxious revving of a chainsaw. Your gaze followed the sound until you found it’s source - Vigilante. He jumped out of the van, mask on with chainsaw in hand. You could hear a muffled ‘Eh?’ as he motioned towards the ridiculous ‘weapon’ in his hand, and once again, all you could do in your frenzied state was deflect.
“If you bring that thing, I’m just gonna keep ignoring you.” you sniped, turning tail and walking towards the back entrance. Vigilante wasted no time in setting down the chainsaw and running after you. This was the most you’d said to him in days, so by that point, he’d do anything he had to in order to keep you talking.
Once inside, the two of you found yourselves walking down the long corridor of a warehouse-like building with brick walls and impossibly high ceilings, lined with dozens of mobile shelves. The energy was awkward, to say the least. You were cripplingly aware of the volume of your breathing, and just how loudly your footsteps echoed on the concrete flooring. Breathing and footsteps, however, were the only things to focus on besides the elephant in the room, and you weren’t about to start acknowledging that any time soon.
Vigilante, however, wanted to address it as soon as he possibly could.
“So you were ignoring me.” he pried, vexingly twisting his body back and forth with his hands clasped behind his back.
“I never said that.” you denied, craning your neck to peer between each shelf, partially to keep watch, but mostly to avoid his red-tinted gaze.
“I may be dumb, but I’m not an idiot,” he declared,
“Plus Harcourt gaslights me all the time so I've gotten really good at picking up on it now.”
“I wasn’t ignoring you,” you sighed, finally starting to crack under the weight of your guilt. The sound of his voice was the nail in the coffin, and your avoidant resolve began to give in,
“I was just being… Cautious…”
“Cautious of what? Of me?” Vigilante queried, comically holding his hand to his chest, “You can’t be scared of me, you’ve seen me in that stupid bus boy hat!”
You bit your lip to stifle a genuine, amused chuckle. It didn’t take you long to realise that your nerves had significantly settled, and that all it took to calm them was to talk to him again. Your forbearing sense of dread was soon to chastise you for this however, and you quickly returned to a quiet state of abstention.
“Hey,” Vigilante jested, poking you in the arm with a gloved finger, “Hey cautious of what?”, he pried, “Cautious of whaaaaaat?”, his finger continuing it’s assault on your arm, “Cautious of whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”
You span around, finally having enough of his prodding, and gave him the answer he was so desperately seeking
“Look, when I get close to people, really bad shit starts to happen. I’m already violently outside of my comfort zone, and I don’t really wanna find out what happens if I keep pushing my luck, okay?” you spat, turning back around as you continued to trail the corridor. Vigilante followed a few steps behind you this time, his brow was heavily creased in conflict behind his red visor as he weighed up whether he should continue the conversation or drop it.
Though it felt like the most pressing matter in the room at the time, both of your priorities were quickly rearranged as you spotted movement up ahead. You had no time to think however, as Vigilante instinctively pulled you out of sight into a narrow gap between two shelves. His left arm firmly wrapped itself around your torso to pull you in, as the right flew up to cover your mouth with the same, gloved hand that was jovially testing your limits only moments before.
Both of you watched the hallway in fear, eyes wide and alert and trained on the thin strip of visibility that your location offered. You could feel Vigilante’s body pressed up against your own as it shook. You were so full of adrenaline that all shame went out the window as you thanked the universe for the comfort that his body heat provided. If this were under any other circumstance, you’d drop dead before you admitted it, but in that moment, you were frazzled enough to internally divulge that you’d happily have him keep you there like that, in his arms, pressed up against him forever.
Every square inch of Vigilante’s brain that wasn’t focussed on scanning for danger, was honed in on just how close you were. He was sure you could feel his heart hammering away in his chest, even through his thick neoprene suit and chest-plate. He swallowed thickly and with difficulty, as thoughts of all kind raced around his head at a neck-breaking pace, and he shamefully had to start thinking about the most boring, bleak, uninteresting things he could in order to avoid another situation.
You exclaimed a loud, mollified sigh against his hand as the ‘threat’ finally caught up to the two of you. A roomba. It was a fucking roomba. Your body had been thrown into true fight or flight mode, you’d never feared for your life so intensely before, and all thanks was due to a god damned motherfucking robot vacuum.
Vigilante slowly removed his hand from your mouth and reluctantly let go of you, though he smirked under his mask as you noticed you were in no hurry to push him away or free yourself from his grip like you did only days ago.
“Well you’re certainly not in a rush to leave, then, huh?” he teased. You could hear his smarmy expression from under the mask and turned on your spot to face him. The position you found yourselves in wasn’t too different from the other day either, and you found yourself stumbling over your words, feeling exposed and abashed.
“Wh- I’m- Y- Shut up, what are you- Shut up!”
“Ya know, If I didn’t know you any better, it’d seem like you almost…” Vigilante trailed off, using your own words to taunt you. You gasped as you felt his arm quickly snake around you, jerking you towards him so your bodies were pressed flush against each other. You could see his eyes squinting at you from behind his visor as you listened on, astounded.
“Almost liked it.”
You were stunned. Shocked. Flabbergasted. You’d never known he had the capability to be so smooth. Part of you felt so childlike and ignorant, so stupid to let yourself get caught off guard like this. But the other part, the now louder part, the part that was making your mouth dry and your chest tighten and your thighs quake and your whole body burn so deliciously, just couldn’t help but take a bite.
“Y’know,” you posed, your hands creeping up to rest your fingers on the edge of his cowl, “You sure are a whole lot more confident in that get up, huh?”
“It’s the power of the mask, baby” Vigilante disported. You were so close to him, you could see him shoot you a sly wink under the red visor and you swore your heart stopped right then and there. Your self control was long forgotten, shoved deep down in the abyss that you once locked your desire in. You leered at him flagrantly, allowing your eyes to glance down at where his mouth was hiding behind the nylon barrier.
The chest plates of Vigilante’s suit were heaving up and down with desire as his lean arm held you so tightly it threatened to start shaking. His head continued to slowly gravitate closer and closer towards yours, he didn’t stop for a second to think about the logistics of kissing in a mask. All he knew, and all he cared about, was that he needed to kiss you, and that he needed to do it now.
For a moment, you thought that the rapture had started, that the brimstone lid of hell had cracked open and the Nephilim had started to wail and lament and scream. And from those fiery depths rose… Harcourt?
“We found the box. Rendezvous at the van.”
There were no fallen angels, or second comings of christ, or divine interventions to account for the earth shattering disquietude. Economos had just forgotten to adjust the volume on the comms. That was the ungodly screech that sent you crashing back down to earth.
You felt like you’d just awoken from a coma, or finally jolted awake from one of those falling dreams, right before you hit the ground. One of your hands curled up into a fist, clutching Vigilante’s squeaky, itchy suit within it. Your head dipped as you swallowed, trying to figure out what the fuck to do now your body had been completely depleted of adrenaline.
Your head was throbbing, your knees ached, your mouth was somehow still bone dry as your throat was congested with saliva. You couldn’t think anymore. All you had left were your instincts. Your desire, which moments ago was unashamedly on display, was slowly slinking back into that abyss, your abnegation resuming its dutiful guard.
Your feet silently carried you out from between the shelves, back down the corridor and all the way to the lonely passenger seat of the van, selfishly utilising Economos as a human shield to hide from your shame.
Adrian pulled his mask off as he watched you leave. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, you were long out of earshot. Comically, his arm hooked the air in front of him, just how he had grabbed you, and even more comically, he chastely kissed the air where your lips once were. He sighed as his arms dropped to his sides and he shook his head, defeatedly muttering a simple, disappointed,
”Fuck.”
✦ ₊ ˚ ♡ . ₊ ✦ .˚ ♡ . ₊ ✦ . ₊ ˚ ♡ . ₊ ✦ . ˚ ♡ . ₊ ✦
vigilante taglist: @redpool @lothiriel9 @darththrog @kingdindjarin @trash--blog @bbwithaknife @nottobegaybutmen @torchbearerkyle @666abby6666 @allukanezuko @fanofverymanythings @hypnoash @chelseaxteens @ellabellabus07
#i promise the good good is nearly here i promise#but this chapter is FULL of fluffy goodness so#there’s some progress here#peacemaker#adrian chase#adrian chase x reader#adrian chase x gender neutral reader#adrian chase smut#adrian chase fic#adrian chase fanfic#adrian chase fanfiction#adrian chase oneshot#vigilante#vigilante x reader#vigilante x gender neutral reader#vigilante smut#vigilante fic#vigilante fanfic#vigilante fanfiction#vigilante oneshot#fennel fields forever#z’s writing
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Do u have any hc’s for Andre? It doesn’t matter what anything works lol <3 and also who’s ur fav and least fav Inside Job character?
Okay, gonna answer the question first bc it’ll be a little shorter -
Picking a favorite is honestly really hard for me! I adore all of them wayyyy too much for my own good lmao, but I suppose lately been vibin a lot with Andre actually <3
Least favorite is Rand fucking Ridley, no doubt. They did way too well with his character and he reminds me way too much of some of my own family LMAO
(Seriously though, his character design is fantastic. Really good rep of an abusive parent and relationship and MAN do I hate him LOL)
Anyways, onto the headcanons!
Andre is such a giggly ass person and I absolutely fucking adore it
Mans is so easily entertained, too; whether he's high, drunk or otherwise lmao (literally was having the time of his life shining a flashlight in his own eyes so i mean LMFAO)
I feel like he's a huge listener?? At least more than people may originally realize or assume
Especially if he likes you, and you're really into whatever it is you're going on about
He eats that shit up; listening with a big grin on his face the entire time and asks engaging questions for whatever he can comprehend lol
He's a pretty passionate guy himself, and if you let him go off about something? He absolutely fuckin goes off, there's no stopping him now
This is smth I've joked about with friends before but apPARENTLY THIS MAN DOES NOT SKIP LEG DAY LMAOOO
In the fucking clone episode, when they're enacting their big ass plan?? He's literally at fucking like 85 degrees on that fucking wall holding that table there for Glenn
What the fuck LOL
Also he probably eats just like… so much? Raging munchies constantly and just a high metabolism in general, so he fuckin feasts
And he cannot cook worth shit dude; maybe if he's lucky he can make himself some insta-ramen and he can microwave shit, but other than that? Hell nah
And he doesn't at all have the patience to learn LOL
(Please cook smth for him sometime! He'd be eternally grateful and down it all in like.. seconds)
He avoids his work a lot but when he actually does smth, he's actually really fucking efficient
He just has to be allowed to do things his way, which may be a bit… unorthodox at times, but that's okay
Stating the obvious, but he's a great guy to smoke with for sure; knows what he's doing and is down for pretty much anything
You wanna chill? Fuck yeah, lets order some takeout and watch shitty movies together or smth
Wanna go buck wild? Absolutely batshit? Cause chaos? Well you don't even need to ask, he's already pulling you out the door with a big ass grin and plenty of excited giggling
And if you don't want to/cant do anything of that sort? He's honestly super chill with that too, don't worry
Not like he's gonna force it down your throat, besides, that shits awful for you anyways
He would know lmao
Another joke among friends, but he definitely develops an attraction to someone pretty fuckin easily LOL
Just say ur interested in him and he's 👀 all over that
Developing genuine feelings may be another story entirely though
Gotta love this goofy ass doctor man <33 He's a fuckin blast <3
(And don't worry, already have plenty more requests line up for him for later, so more to come ;p)
#ask#headcanons#inside job#inside job x reader#dr andre lee#dr andree lee x reader#hes way too fun im love him#give my boy more screen time dammit#<3
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Frank Zhang relationship and intimacy hcs
As with all nsfw/smutty/sexy stuff, all characters are aged to 18+
That being said
Let’s get into it
‘,:)
(warnings under cut)
Warnings: brief mentions of size kinks, belly bulges, frank generally towering over you/being bigger than you cause he’s fuckin huge, oral/fingering (y/n recieving), gradually getting a little rough upon reader’s request, he’s surprisingly easy to fluster
//
So first of all, two things
Frank’s a big guy
Like
A really really fucking big dude
Some sources say he’s 6’3, other’s say he’s 6’5
6-foot-motherfucking-5
Either way there’s a good chance he’s taller than you
Which is nice for a lot of reasons
One of which is that his size carries over into
Other areas
Second, he’s definitely a service top I don’t make the rules
Okay I do but I’m not changing them
I’m going to give you a hard truth
He probably has the biggest girthiest dick out of everyone
By a somewhat small margin
I’m not naming names
So he’s very good at prep
Very good at it
He will have no hesitations or reservations about going down on you and fingering you for a substantial amount of time
Oh my god his fingers
He’s been doing archery for years
He knows what he’s doing with them
So let’s be honest
There’s no way he doesn’t have at least a little bit
Just a teeny tiny bit of a size kink
I mean come on
You’re so cute and tiny to him no matter what size you are
Plus the fact that he’s probably a fair bit taller than you
Oh no now you have to be his cute lil s/o
His arms
His arms
Are incredible
When you’re intimate he’ll either sort of cage you in
Cause he doesn’t want to smoosh you
Or if you’re on top
He has his arms around you, guiding you as you go
He can’t really help this but you think it’s really hot so it’s fine
But he sometimes growls a little??
Like actually growls
It’s the whole shape shifting thing
It kind of slips out sometimes
But it’s really really hot
He gets all breathy
You can feel the heat radiating off his body
And he’ll let out this little moan that turns into a growl
It latches onto your nervous system and sends electricity down your spine
It’s Very Effective
You’ll definitely have a bit of a belly bulge when he’s inside you too
Like at this point how could you not
It’s really hot honestly
You might not even realize until his hand gently rests on your stomach
And you realize you can both feel him inside you
Taking all of him is a bit of a feat
But it’s well worth the effort
Have you seen the hamster and the banana?????
Have you seen it??????
And oh my god he is so gentle with you
He’s so fucking ripped and so delicate with you
You’re just so precious to him that he takes really good care to make sure he’s careful with you
His big strong hands dance delicately up your sides
He’ll press feather light kisses on you lips and jaw, breath fanning over your ear
He’s so so gentle with you
But like
If you want him to get a little rougher
He can totally do that
It will probably be pretty slowly built up because again
He’s real big and strong, and he cares about you way too much to risk taking anything a step too far
Once you get into a good rhythm
Oh boy oh my golly
He’s almost impossible to tire out
There’s a chance you could if you’re really into him
And if you manage to really tire him out
It will make him big blushy flustered
It’s kind of funny cause once he’s out of sexytime brain
He gets so flustered
Like he went down on you an hour ago and now you laying half naked next to him has him red in the face
It’s honestly really really cute
He’s a really gr8 boyfriend, 10/10 v underrated
#frank zhang#frank zhang x reader#heroes of olympus#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus smut#frank zhang smut#frank zhang x reader smut#heroes of olympus x reader smut#riordanverse#riordanverse x reader#heroes of olympus headcanon#heroes of olympus headcanons
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“Here’s some stuff I’ve learned in my ~12 years since I started transitioning”
*Posted with permission from a Redditor who chooses to remain anonymous. I am over 10yrs into my transition and agree with most of these points. Thought this was a great share to help our younger transmen.
I’m 26 and I started transitioning at 14. I recently passed my 10yrs on T recently and I figured I’d pass on some random knowledge I’ve accumulated in my experience.
Physical stuff:
-Be prepared to outgrow any clothes you buy in the first 5ish years on T. You might think you’re in the clear after a couple years, you’re not. That includes shoes.
-Looking at your father and brothers for an idea of what you might look like on T isn’t always accurate. My dad and brother don’t have much body hair, I’m a damn werewolf. On the other hand, they have full heads or hair. My hair has decided to migrate from my head to, well, everywhere else.
-Mature hairlines are a thing, doesn’t necessarily mean receding. My dad has the former, I have the latter.
-Not all hair follicles grow at the same time. Your beard after not shaving for 2 weeks is not the same as your beard after not shaving 2 months and then trimming it to that same length. Ive had a thick, full beard since I was 20. I had to shave for a neck surgery and for the first month I was back to my patchy teenage beard. Right now, wearing a mask is a great opportunity if you want to try growing it out without looking ridiculous.
-Still train all of your body if you’re trying to get a more masculine physique. You may worry about having a bigger butt or thighs but trust me, it’s still important. Also, it’s not all about shoulders, chest, and arms. The lats and traps are often overlooked.
-Penises sit lower than you think and are smaller than you think. Take that into account when packing. I haven’t been in the market for many years but I pray that there are more options now that aren’t 5+”.
-If you get a hysto, hold a pillow over your belly when you cough. Trust me.
-If you have surgery in general, you’re probably going to be thirsty when you wake up. Go slow when they finally let you have water. I’ve puked on a few nurses… sorry guys.
-If you have bottom surgery with urethral lengthening, you might have extra drops of pee that get stuck. The way your urethra is situated has a different angle so more pee gets trapped in there. Press up on the gooch to get it out. Some cis guys have to do it too, it’s called the taint tap.
-Athletic fit pants are great for big booty bros.
Social/emotional stuff:
-It can be hard to see it sometimes, but plenty of cis guys have the same features you’re dysphoric about. Baby face? I’ve got male coworkers older than me that look like teenagers. Wide hips? Some dudes are bottom heavy. Short? If you pay attention, there’s short guys everywhere. The average guy doesn’t look like Channing Tatum.
-There’s a thin line between dysphoria and dysmorphia. What you see in the mirror could be totally different from what people see when they look at you.
-It’s fine to pee in the stall. Standing or sitting. Nobody gives a fuck. Even after phallo I pretty much exclusively pee in stalls. Less splashback, privacy, and pee time is me time.
-There’s another step to transitioning you might not realize: becoming confident in yourself as a man. It’s easier said than done and it can be a pretty long process. You are a manly fuckin man (or a feminine man, but you’re still a Fuckin man) and you are no less of a man than any other. You will be much happier once you can say that to yourself and truly believe it.
-You don’t owe anything to the trans community. There’s no denying there can be negativity. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health or causing more dysphoria, it’s ok to step back. You’re not obligated to involve yourself just because others in the community have helped you. You owe yourself happiness. It took me way to long to learn that. I pop in online once or twice a year in places like this sub where it typically is a civil environment but I limit it to that.
-Along the same lines, it’s ok to be stealth. You are more than your gender and it’s ok if you don’t want others to define you by that. Again, you don’t owe anybody anything. You can support the trans community without disclosing. Vote in support of trans rights, call people out on their bigotry, donate to charities, etc. And unfortunate as it is, your voice is sometimes more heard as an ally than as a trans person.
-Even if you finished the required therapy to get hormones/surgery it’s good to stick with it if you can. I know it’s not possible financially or time wise for everyone, but if you can, you should. All of your struggles don’t magically disappear when you medically transition. It’s good to have a professional help you process everything. I honestly think most people in general can benefit a lot from therapy.
-You could still have some dysphoria even when you have fully transitioned (whatever you define that as for yourself). Many don’t but it’s not a guarantee. I’m sorry to break that to anyone who is just starting their transition but it’s important to realize. If you recognize it, you can learn to cope. I still feel some dysphoria occasionally about the things I cant change. Mainly that I can’t be the biological father to my children. I have to remember that it’s not genetics that makes a father, it’s love and care.
My experience obviously isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s but I hope this can help someone a little bit.
#trans#transgender#transsexual#ftm#female-to-male#f2m#gender#gender identity#advice#reddit#helpful#transmen#transman#repost#transition#phallo#hormones#testosterone#t#stealth#dysphoria#surgery
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More baseless Ferengi headcanons no one asked for: LATINUM EDITION~~~
- Almost every home is a rental, as almost all usable land is corporate-owned. Might as well daydream about owning a moon, it's no less realistic than owning the house you grew up in. (No I'm not frustrated with my $1500 rent at all, no I'm not miserable watching 40-year-old trailer homes selling for $250k to a property management firm that's going to rent it out. Surely a place like Ferenginar wouldn't be equally ridiculous, hahahahahahahahHAHAHAHA. Ahem.)
- Latinum as religious fetish. We see Quark offering slips of latinum while he prays to the Blessed Exchequer before bed. He even has a little shrine. What's unclear is whether you're meant to reuse the same slips each day or if you have to actually "give up" the latinum over the longer term for the offering to count. You can break a piggy bank, but it's probably bad to break an image of the Exchequer, unless he's very chillaxed compared to the majority of gods.
- Assuming really giving up the latinum is better, is destroying it extra good? Or are you sinning by removing it from the Continuum? Are there Ferengi extremist sects that sink latinum into bogs or launch it into a star?
- What do they think and feel about latinum with regards to the Exchequer? What does a god need with it? Is it meant to be his lifeblood, figuratively? Or literally, via transubstantiation? (Catholic Ferengi. Cathipitolists.)
- How was latinum treated in the days before they knew to process it with gold so it could be handled safely? It's very pretty and ethereal-looking in its raw form, and also very, very toxic. Depending on the symptoms of latinum poisoning, I wonder if it had anything to do with it gaining religious significance? Ancient Ferengi priests seeing visions and going a little funny in the head from handling raw latinum for years and years?
- The way Quark and Brunt talk about taxes in S7 suggests there's not a lot of taxation in Ferengi society (officially, anyway. idk what else you'd call their ubiquitous bribes/tips than unofficial taxation). In any case, since one of the major purposes of taxation in modern economies is to control inflation by removing money (governments create/destroy money; they don't really keep a little checkbook register of surplus/deficit the way a household does) offering latinum to the Exchequer as an act of worship could be a good way to take money out of circulation for a while.
- Latinum vs fiat money? Latinum is canonically used as coinage by multiple species. (It would seem like Ferengi are putting themselves at a bit of a disadvantage by also attaching a spiritual importance to it, but who knows, and this is a tangent on a tangent.) Is all their money backed by latinum? It can't be, right? Just conceptually, their stock markets and banks can't possibly be tying every value in every account to a real, physical measure of latinum, that's horribly inefficient. Can "latinum" also mean any legitimate liquid asset? Or does the Exchequer insist on the real thing? Much to ponder.
- Brunt implies in Family Business that Ferenginar has houseless people and beggars. There's no point in begging if no one ever gives you anything, so some people must give charity to beggars. What's that look like, is it something kind-hearted Ferengi do in spite of the RoA explicitly stating that charity is only acceptable when you come out richer than you started? What's their rationalization in that case? Are they left feeling shameful about it? (Obviously the people stuck begging feel shitty, by design. Ironically, they might feel less shitty than we would, since the Exchequer doesn't appear to care how you get money, only that you get it.)
- If you're moved to give money/material aid to a needy person, you'd probably do it quietly. Here in the good ol' US of A a common view is that "hand-outs" hurt the needy person in the long run because you're removing their impetus to stop being lazy sponges. And that's from people who follow a religion that commands them to care for the needy! So it's gotta be even harsher under a religion that's completely mask-off in its worship of individual prosperity.
- (You just know Keldar was one of those people tossing a few slips of latinum for someone sleeping under a shop awning each morning. His business sense sucked but Ishka made him sound like a warm person. Folks gotta eat.)
- Reincarnation... Alright, so if you were a dude and you die broke it's implied you can't reincarnate/are damned to the Vault of Eternal Destitution. Cool and fair, nothing to unpack there. What about women? They're half the population but seem to have been overlooked on this point in this here 10k-year-old religion. Which is telling in itself, of course, but you'd think someone would have addressed this? Who reincarnates female? Is the accepted understanding that females reincarnate female and are totally removed from the requirement to bid on their life? But that still doesn't solve the problem, because even if reincarnation were assigned-sex-segregated (god what a shitty idea, compels me tho) you're still losing X number of men to the Vault each generation.
- I want to see what Ferengi religious debates look like. Pel is shown to be a serious scholar of the RoA as they've dug into not only the text itself but all the commentaries and refutations and deep-dives others have published about it. That's gotta fuel some spicy convo around the tongo table once everyone's a few drinks in.
- Are there multiple sects? People arguing whether this or that rule is meant to be taken literally vs as metaphor? Everyone can't be in lockstep on this stuff. Quark seems to have been raised within the currently-hegemonic sect, but surely there's others.
- There don't appear to be any clergy or equivalent persons, so I wonder if there's different sects how they organize themselves? Do they host different subs on Ferengi Reddit? (Ferengi Reddit...shudder)
- Ferengi atheists slacking at work or living as drifters because there's no point saving money for a next life that's not real. Life must drive them to drink. That's when you go out into space to live with the sane people and never call home.
- Is the rest of the population chill with atheists, or is that a no-go? I guess it would depend on how loud the person is and whether they follow the Rules or not.
- You know who they're definitely not chill with: socialists. Do they have Satanic Panics about this or that media turning the youth into commies? If you're an outspoken socialist, are you looking at exile? Arrest? An unexpected date with an Eliminator?
- Conspicuous consumption seems to be a thing, and it's interesting in light of the whole "needing a good high score for a good reincarnation" idea. It still boils down to showing off how much you can afford to waste, but the stakes are undoubtedly higher for the faithful.
- If something happens and you're at risk if losing everything, is it safer to just off yourself while you still have money? What if you're going to lose more than you'd ever be able to make back? (In economics this is called a perverse incentive lulz)
- The Great Monetary Collapse must have suuuuucked. It's the Great Depression x100, and also your god is mad at you, maybe??? And your next life is totally screwed now, too. Fuckin' dire, man. When Quark mentioned it in the show, it was with this flippant air like he was waiting to see how Miles and Julian reacted. He might have elaborated more if they hadn't reacted...the way he probably assumed they would. (Partially a self-fulfilling prophecy given the way he primed them to treat it as a joke, but I digress.)
- Suicide rates are measurably higher in societies that elevate achievement and work ethic (see the Protestant vs Catholic divide on this, it's interesting and very depressing as a lapsed protestant in a protestant-dominated country). Just saying.
- On this same bummer track: hedonic depression could be very commonplace among Ferengi. Every minute not spent working is spent on distraction because life is just such an exhausting grind, and a lot of factors determining whether you're a good/successful person are out of your control. Booze, porn, and gambling are all very distracting, and thus very popular.
If a lot of this just sounds like regular degular capitalism: yes. It's actually proving difficult to push the fictional society further out because we're already living beyond satire. Maybe that's why I like these awful little guys so much. (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
#star trek#ferengi#meta#meta being a generous term for me making shit up because that's just how i party#i got halfway through the virtue of selfishness for the first time since i was 14 just for this#couldn't make myself power all the way through but i think the depth of my ardor should be proven anyway#suicide mention#because their society is an ancap hellscape
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