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dope lovers [part 8] || danny devoted
part 7 || masterlist ||
a/n : next one's written :))
[feel free to buy me a cup of coffee!]
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#bts au#bts smau#bts social media au#bts texts#bts hogwarts au#kim taehyung#taehyung x reader#taehyung texts
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Coquet, Part 8 | JJK
Coquet, Part 8
\ kō-ˈket
Definition: noun. a man who indulges in flirtation.
✫✫✫Coquet Masterlist✫✫✫
Pairing: Escort!JJK x Fem-reader
Rating: M (🔞)
Genre: Fake-dating!AU; Strangers to lovers; fluff; angst; smut
Warnings: aftermath of medical emergency; fluffy/quiet moments; crack; infidelity; false accusations; emotional breakdown; physical altercation (without serious injury); lots of crying; cussing; vulnerable confessions and conversations; INSANE AMOUNT OF ANGST--like, seriously--buckle up!
Word count: 7.7K+ words
Summary: On your brother's wedding, you dread traveling to see your family–whom you have successfully avoided for over a year after moving across the country for work. In an effort to save face, you hire an escort to get them off your back and perhaps even make your ex–who happens to be the best man–a little jealous.
A/N: Thank you so much to my lovely betas: @internetjunkdrawer for tirelessly listening to me scream about this every day this week and helping me plan out one of the most intricate scenes I've ever had to write--I might post our diagram, if I feel like it 😂 and to @deepseavibez for the great suggestions on the flow and some of the dialogue and introspection--you've added more nuance to this chapter. I am forever grateful to both of you!!!
A/N2: I do not condone violence in any shape or form. And to reiterate--this is a work of fiction. If you're familiar with my work, I tend to get very dramatic so please keep in mind that this is all for the dramz!
A/N3: Did not expect the taglist to get this big so I'm going to have to do it piece-meal for this chapter and subsequent ones. Thank you all for reading and loving the story so far. As usual, please leave me a comment, ask, or reblog. I love reading and responding to your reactions!
“Do you want me to get you something from the vending machine?”
You looked up at Taehyung, after hearing the tail-end of his question. “Uh–just water, please?”
He nodded, walking down the hall to grab some refreshments for both of you.
You realized you’d been staring at the blank, white wall while you sat in the hallway, right outside your dad’s room. The nurses were limiting visitors after his minor procedure.
After commandeering one of the shuttles and driving it back to the hotel, Taehyung ran up to his room to pick up the spare keys to your dad’s red 1960 Jaguar Drophead. Clutching the keys in his hand felt bittersweet. He didn't expect to be driving this car so soon. Your dad told Taehyung that he and Jennie could ride off to the airport on the way to their honeymoon–a wedding surprise.
The wedding…
It was one of the first things your dad said when he came to. Taehyung quickly calmed him down and told him that his health was number one priority.
The doctor said that he suffered a ventricular tachycardia episode. The diagnosis sounded more serious than what it actually was, especially after they took him into a small room and put him under anesthesia. They inserted a catheter through one of his blood vessels and applied mild radiofrequency energy so that no further arrhythmias would occur. The doctor eased your worries and assured you that since your dad did not have any history of serious heart conditions, he would bounce back in a few days. He just needed to be kept overnight to make sure that he stays stable but that he’d be discharged tomorrow, just in time for the ceremony.
Taehyung returns, handing you a bottle of water.
You murmur your thanks as you take it from him, twisting the cap open to take a swig. As you chugged down the water, you realized that you hadn’t eaten or drank anything in the last…four hours, you thought, after checking the clock in the hallway.
“Dad’s funny, he’s so worried about the wedding,” he mutters vaguely, trying to break the silence.
“Yeah…dad’s priorities need a little work,” you say wryly.
Taehyung laughs softly, sinking into the seat next to you in silence, with his shoulders slumped. After a long beat, he swallowed hard. “Fuck. I’ve never been so scared in my life,” he confesses as he buries his face in his hand.
You put your hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it reassuringly. “I know. Me, too,” you whispered.
“Thank goodness Jungkook was there. What are the chances that you bring your doctor-boyfriend over to a family function and a medical emergency breaks out?”
You chuckle to yourself. Exactly. What were the chances?
//FLASHBACK
“Y-you’re…you’re…” You stuttered.
“Yes, I am.” Jungkook gave you a small smile, trying to keep his voice hushed.
“But…h-how? When?”
“Well…I just got my MD and started my residency–which was why I was running late the day I was supposed to meet you. I had just wrapped up a shift.”
“Holy shit–a-are you sure this isn’t a part of–”
He shook his head then reached into his back pocket. “No, no. This is most certainly not part of the package,” he chuckled nervously. “Here.” He presents you with his work badge…with his real name written on it.
“You had this on you this whole time?” You ask him incredulously.
He nodded. “Yeah. Like I said, I was coming from work…I just changed out of my scrubs and into my suit at the airport.”
Your heart was racing–it felt as if you were about to have some sort of coronary episode as well. He cupped your face–calming you down almost in an instant.
“I’m sorry you had to find out this way. But when you get back, I promise I’ll tell you everything, okay? Right now, I know you have to go to your dad. I’ll be back at the hotel waiting for you.”
You pressed your forehead to his. “Thank you,” you breathed out.
“You’re welcome. Are you going to be okay?” He asks softly.
You tilted your chin up to kiss him. “I will be,” you answered.
//END FLASHBACK
Your phone buzzed, reminding you of pending notifications that you have yet to look at. You pull your phone out and look at the screen–two missed calls: one from Cristina and the other from Jimin. You had several text messages from him and Mindi as well, checking in. There was another text–this one was from Jungkook.
[From Jungkook] (10:45PM): Was it a V-tach like I suspected? Did they do the radioablation on him?
You chuckled to yourself–still coming to grips with the fact that he is a doctor. You turned to Taehyung and excused yourself, stepping away to place a call.
Jungkook picks up on the second ring. “Hey.” His voice instantly calmed you.
“Hi.”
“How are things?”
“Fine, now. And you were right on the money on the diagnosis–they did do that, uhm…radio…” You had forgotten the term.
“Radioablation,” he says carefully.
“Yes, thank you,” you sighed softly. “They have to keep him overnight just to make sure that he heals nicely but–the doctors seem to think that they were able to fix the problem.”
“Yeah. It didn’t seem like your dad had any other serious health issues in the past so that sounds about right,” he says. After a beat of silence, he switches tact. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m–” you cleared your throat, “I’ll be okay,” you say slowly. “It got a little scary back there but it’s good to know he’s going to be fine.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Jungkook, you’ve done plenty already. Thank you, again. I…I don’t know how I could ever–” your voice started to crack at the thought of losing your dad. Even though the doctor had already assured you that he was safe, you still couldn’t shake the feeling.
“Hey–it was a no-brainer for me. Someone’s in trouble, I can’t just watch and let it happen.”
A warmth bloomed within you. Whether he was obligated to do it or he did it out of pure concern and care for your family, it was still incredibly noble of him.
“YN?”
You looked back to see Taehyung calling you over to your dad’s room.
“Listen, I have to go,” you say apologetically over the phone.
“It’s fine. Just text me if you need anything, okay?”
“Thank you, I will. Uhm…bye,” you signed off before following right behind Taehyung as he walked through the door.
Your dad was lucid but looked exhausted from the ordeal. He was conversational but the nurse insisted that he get some sleep to aid in his recovery.
“Why don’t you both go back to the hotel and get some rest? There’s not much we can do for your dad at this point. He just needs to sleep and wait ‘til the morning,” your mom says, sounding resigned.
“We can go back and grab some things for you. Anything in particular?” Taehyung asked.
“A change of clothes, maybe? Or his other medications?” You suggested.
Your mom nodded absently. “Yeah…yes. Clothes…that-that sounds good.” She sounded disconnected from the situation. She was still reeling from this evening’s events. You grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.
“He’s out of the woods now,” you say softly. “The doctor says he’ll be okay–he can go off and do normal stuff after this.“
She looked at you, tears pooling in her eyes, and nodded. You engulf her in a tight embrace and she lets out a sob. “Darling, I was so scared. So, so scared.”
“I know, mom. We were, too.” Despite her flaws and your tricky relationship, you still loved her. But marrying your stepdad was one of the best decisions that she had made. And you knew that he was one of the best things that happened to her.
As she pulled away, you wiped the tears off her cheeks. “Please tell Jungkook how grateful I am for him being there.”
You nodded. Taehyung gives her a hug as well before letting her know that you would both drive back, pick up some personal items for them and return as soon as you could.
******
After getting off the phone with YN, Jungkook runs into Jimin and gives him a quick update on her dad’s condition.
He breathes a sigh of relief. “Damn. That was pretty insane what you did back there, though.”
Jungkook chuckled. “It was nothing. I just did what I had to do.”
Jimin pats him on the back as a sign of his gratitude. “Either way, thanks, doc!” He says with a grin before walking off to find his mom.
Jungkook let out a puff of air. There wasn’t much for him to do. Everyone else was just waiting for word from YN or Taehyung on their dad’s condition.
He took a stroll down towards the lobby, thinking he’d lie down back in the room and wait for YN’s call. When he crosses the walkway to the courtyard, he overhears harsh whispers.
“I don’t understand why you are bringing this up again. Now? Of all days?” The female voice hissed.
“I’ve been trying to talk to you all week and you’ve been avoiding me–”
“God! Will you ever stop? I don’t know what you want from me! I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again–it meant nothing!”
“Stop saying that it didn’t mean anything!” The male voice said.
It wasn’t like Jungkook to eavesdrop on a private and seemingly personal conversation. He decides to walk away but he hears something else that compelled him to stay.
“It was a mistake! You knew that I’ve been in love with Tae this whole time. Whatever happened was–regretful, to say the least. I was vulnerable and we shouldn’t have been drinking.”
The male let out a frustrated groan.
Jungkook carefully rounded the corner of one of the hedges that led to the courtyard to find Haru clutching Jennie’s hands.
“Please…I just…I need to know. I need to know for sure–”
“Haru, I love him! I am marrying him! I don’t know how else I can make that clear to–”
Jennie gasps and her eyes widen at the sight of Jungkook while Haru whips his head around curious to find out what she was reacting to. She withdraws her hands from him abruptly–as if they hadn’t already been caught in a compromising position.
Haru flexes his jaw and excuses himself, sidestepping Jungkook as he heads back indoors.
Jennie and Jungkook stare at each other. Her eyes start to water as she tries to figure out how to talk her way out of this situation.
“H-how much did you hear?” She asks when Haru was out of earshot. It was a stupid question but it was the first thing that she thought of. She wraps her hands around herself, suddenly feeling small.
“Enough,” he answers. “I’m guessing that she has no idea?”
She shook her head adamantly. And judging by that reaction, Taehyung was in the dark as well.
“Does anybody else know?”
“No,” she answers immediately. “I…honestly had chosen to forget about it,” she says quietly. “I told him to do the same. He’s just being an idiot. It was a mistake a-and…”
“And yet he still went ahead and broke his engagement…for you?” Jungkook directs the question at her.
Jennie’s eyes shoot up at him. Her expression turned hard. “He was being delusional!” She dropped her hands to her side and walked a few steps to the other side of the courtyard.
She took a deep breath while staring off at the distance. “We all grew up together…I’ve loved Taehyung since…forever! When he finally told me that he felt the same, I never wanted to let him go. I waited so long for him to realize it and say it. I wasn’t about to let Haru ruin that.”
“So instead you decided to break his sister’s heart.” He didn’t mean to sound accusatory but it just came out like that. He was feeling incredibly protective of YN.
“I did not decide anything,” she said slowly. “Haru and YN were engaged...I was going through some things. He was just trying to be a good friend when I needed him…we got drunk and a little carried away. It happened once and it didn’t mean anything!”
“It sounded like it meant something to him, though,” Jungkook deadpanned.
“Well, he’s wrong! I never wanted to break them up. I even tried convincing him to get back together with her but…he–he just would not listen! It was one time. One time!”
Jungkook pursed his lips and nodded.
She then closed in on him, a worried look on her face. “Y-you wouldn’t tell, would you?” She asks meekly.
His eyebrows lifted. He stared at her quietly for a few seconds.
“Jungkook–y-you wouldn’t…please?” she begged. “You guys are together now and…and Taehyung and I are getting married,” she laughed nervously. “The past doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Look, Jennie…it’s not my place.”
Her face visibly relaxes for a bit but her relief doesn’t last long.
“I know that in this situation, I’m not obligated to be truthful to you. But I feel like you need to be honest with yourself and, in turn, be honest with the man you’re going to marry. And…in the process, make amends with people you’ve hurt.” It clawed at him that one of YN’s oldest friends would betray her like this. But he decided it would be best that the truth come from her and not him.
“Jungkook…I just…I can’t right now. With Taehyung’s dad and everything else going on–I have to find the right time.”
Jungkook hummed. “Mm, you’re right. You really should time these things. So that when Taehyung hears that you screwed his best friend and that you played a part in his sister’s heartbreak, he won’t feel like the world is collapsing around him and there’s no escape…because, hey, you’re already his wife.”
She let out a shaky breath. “Jungkook–”
“Don’t worry, Jennie. Like I said, it’s not my place since I’m not involved in this situation. But as somebody who says they’re YN’s friend? I think you owe it to her. And Tae–” He thinks back to hours ago during the cocktail reception. The way he talked about Jennie and how he practically worshiped the ground that she walked on. “You can’t start your marriage off with a lie.”
Jennie’s lips narrowed into a thin line as she considered it.
******
When you and Taehyung arrived back at the hotel, you went straight to the front desk to ask for a copy of your parents’ room key to retrieve some of their personal things. Taehyung explained the situation and the staff were incredibly understanding and sent their warm wishes for your dad’s recovery.
After they hand the key card, Taehyung shoots straight for the elevators with you following right behind but he stops you.
“Hey, uh–maybe we should split up. I can go up and grab their things but–would you mind doing me a huge favor?”
“Of course,” you replied.
“Could you find Jennie for me and tell her that I’ll be down in a few? Last time she called me, she said she was somewhere out back with her family. Or…I don’t know,” He scratched his head. “Maybe she’s in the bridal suite–I don’t even remember what room–”
“Tae–say no more. I’ll look around for her.”
He gives you a small nod of gratitude before he steps into the elevator. You walk off, making your way to the courtyard when you see Jungkook sitting in one corner of the lobby.
He sees you out of the corner of his eye and immediately rises to move towards you.
Upon seeing him, you felt…lighter. You walked, no–practically broke into a sprint as he came to meet you halfway, immediately wrapping you in his arms.
“Hey,” he says as he nuzzled into your hair.
“Hey, doc,” you chuckled softly into his chest. You felt his laugh rumble within him, tickling your ear. You pulled away, regarding him intently for a bit.
“What? Do I have something on my face?”
You smiled. “No,” you say lightly. “I just–” you chuckled again. “This is so crazy,” you whispered to him.
He nodded. “I know. I’ve never had to use my actual job as a cover story.”
“W-we could have gone with my original idea? That you’d be a shrink?”
He snorted. “I thought I’d try a different strategy for this booking. Although…I never thought I’d actually have to practice medicine.”
“Well–that was…incredibly lucky,” you said, referring to your dad’s emergency.
His face turns serious. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
You nodded earnestly, tilting your chin up to press your lips to his. “I’m good now,” you smiled at him. His expression softens and he smiles back.
“The doctor who treated dad sounded reassuring before Tae and I left.” Suddenly, you remember what you were supposed to do, before getting distracted, per usual, by Jungkook. “Actually, we were just stopping by to grab a few things for my parents then we have to head back again. Have you seen Jennie, by the way? Tae asked me to look for her.”
Jungkook’s eyebrows quirk at the sound of her name. He shifted uncomfortably–although you didn’t think much of it. “I, uh–thought I saw her walk off with her mom somewhere. I wasn’t really paying attention.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll call Mindi to find out–but first–I think I need to pee,” you grimaced. “All of this tension is shrinking my bladder. I’ll be right back.” You hear him chuckle softly as you pull away from him, walking towards the lobby restrooms, to the left of the elevators.
******
When you walk out the door and back down the hallway, you are startled when Haru blocks your path. “Holy shit, Haru! What the—“
“Can we talk? Please?”
You hesitate. “Uh…do we have to?“ You say tensely. You were stressed enough and didn’t know how much time you had left to find Jennie before Taehyung made his way back down to the lobby.
“Look, I saw you and Jungkook talking and you looked really upset,” he started quickly. It baffled the hell out of you but you were more surprised to learn that your little moment with Jungkook was not-so-private after all. Your heart started pounding, thinking that the jig was up.
“A-and I know what you’re thinking right now but I need you to listen to my side of the story,” Haru continued.
Your eyebrows knit further in confusion. Before you could open your mouth to argue, Haru pressed on. “I want you to know that I didn’t do it to hurt you…b-but after what happened, I just felt incredibly confused.”
He was confused? What about you?
“H-Haru, I’m…not following,” you utter slowly.
Ignoring your last remark, he continued his word vomit. “I started feeling all of these things and…I just couldn’t shake them. I tried, believe me, I tried really hard to fight it. And it wasn’t like I didn’t already know how Taehyungie felt about her—“
Her.
Your mouth went dry. It was as if the wind had been knocked out of you.
“...Then I thought about us and…I realized that…I didn’t want to be unfair to you. I couldn’t.”
The room felt unsteady all of a sudden. Or maybe those were your legs–legs that you weren’t even sure belonged to you right this second.
“YN? I’m so sorry. I’ve been wanting to tell you–”
“No.” Your voice sounded unfamiliar to you. “No,” you repeated the word forcefully, as if not comprehending fast enough. “I…I can’t…I can’t deal with this…” Your chest felt tight and you were absolutely sick to your stomach.
You started to walk off. Ears ringing as if a bomb had gone off. You were unsure which direction you were going–but you wanted to move somewhere safe. You wanted to go and find Jungkook…your safe place.
Feeling unsteady on your feet, you stumbled but you felt Jungkook swoop you up in his arms right away.
“What happened? Did he do anything to you?” He asked as he glared at Haru, who stayed rooted to the spot.
“I-I…” you stuttered, trying to get over the shock.
“I can’t believe you told her!”
You were jolted by a shrill voice coming from the right side of the elevators. You pulled away from Jungkook to lay your eyes at her. But when you turned to look–you were confused as to whom she directed her ire at.
Was she looking at you?
You traced her line of sight and were shocked to find that she was glaring at Jungkook. You looked again to make sure that you weren’t hallucinating.
You tore your eyes away from Jennie a second time and looked back at the man in front of you. “You…you knew?”
Jungkook’s eyes widen and blink furiously “H-hold on–”
“You knew?” You repeated, wrenching yourself away from him.
“It's not what you think…” he started to take steps towards you but you held your hand up to stop him.
“You knew and you didn’t tell me?!” You say more aggressively at him this time. When he didn’t respond, you turned your attention to Jennie. “Does Taehyung know?” You yelled, looking back at Haru, who had stepped in closer.
Jennie gasps at the sight of him and stands frozen, realizing Jungkook wasn’t the one who revealed her secret— it was Haru.
“Does Taehyung know what?”
None of you heard the elevator ding. Everyone’s heads whip around to find Taehyung stepping into the lobby, carrying a small duffel bag with him.
“What? What is it that I know? Or don’t know?” He asks curiously while looking around at everyone.
You were visibly shaking from anger, jaw clenched, fists balled up. You wanted to scream out their indiscretion right then but somehow, you couldn’t make words come out of your mouth.
“YN?” His face scrunched up in confusion upon seeing the distressed look on your face. “Will somebody tell me what the fuck is going on? Jagiya? Haru?”
Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat—wondering how much longer he could stay out of this.
But everyone seems to have forgotten how to speak. Taehyung asks again, sounding more irritated this time. “Guys, seriously–if nobody tells me–”
“I slept with Jennie,” Haru blurts out.
Tears start streaming from Jennie’s eyes.
Taehyung let out a humorless chuckle and turned to his friend. “What?”
“Jennie and I…we had sex,” Haru said again–as if the point hadn’t gotten across yet.
There were only seconds of silence in between those moments but it felt like eons.
Taehyung turned to Jennie who was struggling to contain her sobs. “I-it was right before we got together. I-it didn’t mean anything,” she whimpered.
His neck whipped sideways at his friend, silently asking for an explanation.
“I’m in love with her, man. I…I love her–”
Jennie interjected immediately. “But I love you, jagi–it’s always been you!”
Taehyung glances at you. Tears stung your eyes but not from hurt…it was from rage. But you saw the pain etched all over your brother’s face. It was a look you’d rarely seen during your childhood. Then, his lip suddenly curled into a sneer before he lunged at Haru, ramming into him and taking him down.
It all happened so quickly.
The two men hit the marble floor with a thud. Someone yelled. There was a distant sound of screaming. You stood there, frozen and silent, emotions twisting within you.
Taehyung pinned Haru by the throat and pummeled his jaw with a series of blows. Haru grunted with each brutal impact and struggled to break free.
Some bodies zoomed past you, coming from different directions as they attempted to break up the melee.
Mindi and Jimin round the corner after hearing the commotion.
You couldn’t stand being in the presence of other people right this second. You needed to walk away…needed to leave this situation before you exploded. Your feet started moving on their own–finding yourself walking towards the courtyard and out to the beach.
Jungkook tries to pull Taehyung off a bloodied Haru when Jimin jumps in, trying to hold his friend back as well. He gives Jimin a look and he nods, telling him that he’s got this so he could go after you.
“Tae, stop–you’re getting married tomorrow!” Jimin says through gritted teeth after finally managing to pull Taehyung far enough from Haru.
Taehyung quits struggling at the sound of Jimin’s reminder. Breathing raggedly, he shrugs off Jimin’s hold and gives Haru and Jennie a look–both pained and contemptuous. “The hell I am,” he growled. “Wedding’s off,” he declared.
As he takes a couple of steps away, Jennie tries to stop him, begging him to let her explain things. “Jagi, please,” she sobbed.
“No, don’t,” he shook his head, eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t even look at you right now,” he seethed.
Her shoulders sag. Mindi approaches quietly and pulls Jennie into her arms, where she breaks down watching Taehyung storm off.
Jimin eyes Haru with contempt. After he is helped up by two other groomsmen, he utters, “Clean yourself up and get your ass out of here if you know what’s good for you.”
******
“Wait up!” Jungkook calls out to you.
“Leave me alone!” You trudge through sand, thinking how comical you must look. But you didn’t give a shit at this point. You were incredibly angry. Angry at Haru. Angry at yourself. Angry at…everything!
“YN, wait!”
“I can’t believe I trusted you,” you say indignantly.
“Will you stop running away for one second?” He catches up to you in a few strides.
You stopped abruptly to turn and face him. You aggressively swipe at the tears dripping down your cheeks.
“How could you not have told me?” You seethed.
He scoffed. Opening his mouth preparing to say something but shutting it just as quickly. He looked like he was at a loss for words. “What did you expect me to say? I–”
“You should have told me,” you cut him off. “Instead, you let me make a fool out of myself. You lied. But hey, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised because that’s what you do. That’s what your whole business is built on…that’s who you are. A liar!”
He tossed his head back and let out a bitter chuckle. “Oh? So we’re back to judging me again, are we? That’s rich,” he says icily. “You’re pointing the finger at me? The man whom you hired to pretend to be your boyfriend?”
The reality check was a punch in the gut…as if you hadn’t gotten enough of those tonight. What’s another one?
You square your shoulders and tilted your chin up, acknowledging his argument. “Okay, you’re right. I did that. I was so desperate to make everyone believe that I was okay…that I was happy…that I decided to pay $8,000 for a lie.” You swallowed hard. “But at the end of the day, the only one who ended up falling for it was me,” you spit out angrily.
You hated saying it out loud because it made you acknowledge how delusional you might have become.
His expression turned solemn. “You know, I figured you were running out of steam on this jilted-fiance story and you needed some fuel to ruin your next relationship. So go ahead! Hate me.” He stretched his arms out on either side and shrugged. “Consider it part of the package.”
You looked away from him. Regretting the last two days…the last few hours. He made you feel safe, showed you that he cared. He shared things about himself. And for a minute, you let yourself believe it…that you had fallen for the real thing–and not the fantasy.
“I won’t be needing any more of your services,” you mustered.
He nodded, feeling resigned. “Gotcha. I’ll get my things and be out of your hair tonight.” Turning on his heel, he takes one last look at you before leaving.
You watched his figure grow smaller as he moved further away from you. This was what you had feared the most: leaning in far too close and falling hard–with nobody to catch you.
Your legs give out, sinking onto the sandy surface. You bury your head in your hands and mentally kick yourself for thinking that you could find happiness again.
******
Jungkook nearly takes the door off its hinges when he enters the room. He was on a mission–stuff everything in his suitcase, as quickly as he can, and get the fuck out of here.
He marches into the bathroom, grabs all of his toiletries, and tosses them haphazardly into his luggage. He pulls his phone charger off the outlet. He yanks the garment bags out of the closet, setting them on the bed, then does one final sweep of the bedroom and bathroom to make sure that he’s collected all of his belongings.
Next, he pulls up the return flight information on his phone and calls customer service. Unfortunately, the airline was no longer taking red-eye reservations since it was nearing midnight so he booked the first available flight leaving in the morning instead. The associate proceeded to tell him about extra fees which he agreed to quickly.
He resolves to stay at a different hotel, thinking it was pointless to be on standby at the airport.
After he books it online, he goes to pick up his carry-on bag. He tosses his charger and other knick-knacks in it. Before he zips it up, he sees a white envelope. The one that YN handed to him on their first night.
He takes it out and walks over by the night stand to grab a pen. He sighed before scribbling something on it. Afterwards, he tosses it on the mattress. He picked up his backpack, swung the garment bags over his shoulder and dragged his suitcase, quietly walking out the door.
To his relief, the lobby was clear. He had ordered a rideshare and planned on waiting for it by the hotel’s driveway.
Only a minute into waiting, he hears someone call his name.
“You’re leaving?” Taehyung asks.
Surprised to see him there, he had to think of something quickly. He had hoped to make a quiet, uneventful getaway.
“Uh–I got a call from the hospital. My boss recalled me. They need me for an emergency back home.” He felt terrible about lying to Taehyung. He thought that maybe he had had enough falsehoods for the night. As much as it pained him to do it, he still thought about protecting YN and their cover story.
“Oh. What about YN?”
“I…we talked about it...you know, before–” Jungkook trailed off, not wanting to bring up the incident that just occurred. “I told her that I’d call her as soon as I take care of things,” he said with a small smile.
“Do you need a ride somewhere?” Taehyung looked as if he was on autopilot. Jungkook catches a glimpse of his bruised knuckles from the fight earlier.
Jungkook hesitated. “I was going to take a rideshare to a hotel near the airport.”
Taehyung’s expression was deadpan. “Tell me where it’s at and I’ll drive you.”
“A-are you sure? W-what about–”
“Listen–you’re leaving and I don’t really want to be here right now. It’s a win-win for both of us. What do you say?”
******
The ride to Jungkook’s hotel was quiet. Taehyung kept his eyes straight on the road.
When they pull up to the parking lot, he shuts the engine off.
“Thanks for the ride,” Jungkook utters.
“Don’t mention it,” Taehyung replied.
Jungkook peers at Taehyung, whose elbow rested on the car door while his other hand loosely held onto the steering wheel.
“I uhm–hope you had a nice trip out here?” He says dryly.
Jungkook sighed. “Yeah. It was great. Thanks, Tae,” he says, feeling sheepish all of a sudden. He paused for a beat. “I’m…I’m really sorry about…Jennie.”
Taehyung is silent for a minute. Jungkook regrets the comment but before he takes it back, Taehyung spoke. “I think I wouldn’t have been as angry if it were someone else.” He pursed his lips, trying to stop himself from verbalizing it, as if it would make it less real.
“Not Haru.” Taehyung continued as his eyes flicked downward, falling silent for another minute or so while he flexed his bruised hand. “I feel like shit, Jungkook. I–I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I can’t believe I…” he swallowed hard. “Fuck, I can’t believe I let YN–”
“You can’t blame yourself for that, Tae. YN decided that she valued your relationship more and didn’t want to put you in a tough spot.” He tries to say consolingly.
“You know, I’ve had Jennie up on a pedestal since–” he stopped short after realizing something. “...Since I put her there,” he trailed off quietly. Jennie, the girl next door. The good girl, always in the honor roll…always the sweetheart. She’d never hurt a fly.
“You couldn’t have known, Taehyung. She had no clue either.”
“But that’s what sucks, doesn’t it? I feel so fucking guilty. I felt bad enough that my sister chose to leave…she gave me an out. Now, I feel like the biggest schmuck,” he says regretfully. “And…I feel awful that I had a hand in hurting her, too,” he says quietly.
“Don’t beat yourself up for this. She dealt with the situation the way she thought was best.”
Taehyung leaned back against the headrest, sighing heavily. Jungkook couldn’t imagine going through all of these emotions in a single night. The first few days of his residency had been rough. Unlike his clients, he found it incredibly difficult not to get attached to a patient. It was a strange feeling for him at first. With clients, he learned to care enough about them to a certain degree–to make them feel comfortable. But when that job was done, he went home and simply disconnected. As a doctor, the connection was much harder to shake off with a patient.
Taehyung was not his patient–but in the few days that he had gotten to know him, it wasn’t difficult to feel empathy towards him…and practically the rest of YN's family.
“I still love her,” Taehyung whispers. He chuckled wryly at his admission. “And I’m supposed to be angry because she hurt me…and she hurt my sister. Loving her even after all that–I feel like that's so wrong in so many ways.”
“You can feel both.” Jungkook said quietly while staring at nothing in particular. “It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.”
Taehyung lifted his head to peer up at him in curiosity. Jungkook pursed his lips, quietly thinking about the last few days. He reminded himself that he had originally accepted the booking as a change of pace since he was getting tired of running on the old hamster wheel–and his friend convinced him to do so–for his sanity. It turned out that this trip had surprised him in more ways than one.
YN had surpassed all of his expectations, gaining access to all of his self-imposed “perimeters.” She had only managed to do that because he willingly gave her access. He opened himself up and practically let her walk through.
Jungkook puffed out his cheeks and released a breath. Then the next few words spilled out of his mouth before he could stop them. “The hardest thing is loving someone and having the courage to let them love you back.”
He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from saying any more. He was feeling vulnerable, too. But for now, he would have to set those thoughts aside. Between the both of them, only one would talk about how heartbroken they were tonight.
Jungkook shook his head gently. “Well, if you know her shit, and she knows yours–and at the end of the day, you’d still rather give up than try…nothing’s ever going to be worth it,” he looks at Taehyung pointedly.
Taehyung lets his words sink in and they fall silent once more.
“Thanks for listening.” Taehyung mumbled.
His response came instantaneously. “Anytime.”
“I didn’t mean to hold you up. I, uh–have to go back to the hospital anyway.”
“I don’t mind at all. If anything, I feel bad delaying you,” Jungkook utters before stepping out of the car and retrieving his things from the backseat. “Thanks again for the ride, Tae.” He said it as earnestly as he could–thinking this could be the last time he’d ever see him.
“You’re welcome. And I hope your emergency gets resolved soon. I’m sure YN can’t wait until you’re back together. She’ll need you.”
Jungkook forced a smile. “Yeah. I hope so.” He made it sound like he was responding to the part about the ‘emergency’ when in fact he was actually referring to the last part of Taehyung’s statement.
“Anyway–drive safely. I hope,” He paused for a beat, “I hope that everything works out,” he sighed, thinking that it was the wrong thing to say in this situation but he was sincere about it and wanted to let Taehyung know that he meant it.
Taehyung gave an ambiguous head bob, keeping his expression blank before turning the engine back on and reversing out of the spot.
Jungkook gave him a quick wave and watched the taillights fade into the night.
******
After you calmed down, you wandered back towards the hotel. Taehyung sent a quick text apologizing for taking off and that he went on to return to the hospital to bring your parents’ things after dropping Jungkook off at another hotel.
Selfishly, you wondered whether Jungkook had decided to let the cat out of the bag. Taehyung didn’t seem to hint at knowing anything about it and it wasn’t really the right time to ask him about it. You would just deal with it later.
As you close in at the hotel entrance, you see Haru stepping out to load his things into a cab. He catches you from his peripheral and slows down. You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for whatever he might do next.
You stood there in silence while his cab idled. He had a cut on his eyebrow that matched the one on his swollen lip–which was only dwarfed by the bruise on his cheek. Your brother certainly did a number on him. He tilted his head slightly, a completely dejected look on his face and mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
You nodded curtly, acknowledging the apology but not necessarily accepting it. He nods in return before he dips into the back seat and rides off.
*******
You get off the elevator and walk quietly down the hallway, feeling some odd sense of relief that you were not going to run into Jungkook. You freeze on the spot when you see Jennie sitting on the floor by your room. She hugged her legs to her chest, her chin resting on her knees. God knows how long she’d been waiting there.
You broke into a cold sweat and were tempted to run back to the elevator. But something propelled you to continue walking towards her. You decided within yourself that you were done running. You swallowed hard and tried to calm yourself.
Hearing footsteps, she lifts her head to find you advancing towards her. She stands quickly, trying to compose herself.
So many thoughts ran through your head as you stared her down. You were very tempted to slap her. You clenched your fist but quickly relaxed it–trying to avoid doing something you might regret.
“I…I was hoping we could talk,” Jennie says shakily.
You stared at her blankly while she wrung her hands. “Well? Talk.” You deadpanned. Truthfully, you were interested to hear what she had to say. After she repeatedly shut you down during her bachelorette party after you drunkenly rambled on about Haru.
She inhaled sharply. “I’m–really, really sorry…about everything. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t want any of this to happen.”
“Well, that would have been really shitty of you if you wanted any of this to happen.” You were eerily calm. “When?”
“YN–”
“When?” You asked again.
“It was…sometime in March. A couple months before Tae and I got together. I…I was just so in love with him and I didn’t know how to tell him. I only called Haru because I needed his help.”
Even though she didn’t tell you the exact date, you had a feeling of when this night in question occurred. You and Haru had a stupid argument about the wedding registry and he stormed off. Thinking back, you remembered that you had been fighting a lot in the weeks leading up to your breakup.
“We met up for drinks, a-and—“
You didn’t need the rest of the details. “Did Mindi know?”
She shook her head adamantly. “No, I never told anybody.”
You and Haru made up when he got home the next morning and you thought everything was going to be fine but it was short-lived. Less than a couple weeks later, he dropped the bomb on you and ended things. Mindi and Jennie were your first calls.
“You saw me hurting, you saw me questioning myself after it happened. I had replayed almost every scenario–analyzed it to no end, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. And after all this time, you knew.” Your eyes stung with tears.
“I know that there’s no excuse for what I did. I instantly regretted it. I told Haru that after he came to me with this ridiculous confession after Taehyung and I had gotten together. I told him that ending your engagement was a big mistake. I tried very hard to convince him to fix things with you.”
And you both know how her efforts turned out.
Before going on this trip, you dreaded seeing Haru the most. You were afraid that he would stir up feelings in you that you thought had already faded with time. The last few days made you realize that you didn’t love him anymore. But there was one feeling that lingered–it was failure.
For a year, you thought that you were the problem. He left you, so you got it in your head that you caused the relationship’s failure.
But it wasn’t your fault. And after thinking on it more tonight, it wasn’t Haru’s fault either. Tonight’s revelations shed some light on many truths. Even some that you didn’t expect.
“I’m…so, so sorry. For everything,” she sniffled.
“Taehyung should be back soon,” you say calmly and unceremoniously.
“Yeah, I think I’m the last person he’ll want to see.” She wiped her tears. Her eyes are swollen and bloodshot from all of tonight’s events.
“You still love him, right?” Despite everything, you had no doubt about how Jennie felt about your brother.
She nodded wordlessly.
You’ve watched them love each other from a distance for years. When they finally got together, it made you yearn for something even half as good as what they shared.
She kept this from him because she had a sinking feeling that what they had wouldn’t be able to weather the truth.
“Lies erode trust, Jennie. By nature, we count on people who tell the truth. Honesty…brings us joy and builds stronger connections.” You saw that quote somewhere–not remembering who said it but it seemed appropriate for the situation.
Whatever you had with Haru was long gone. All those years of friendship that eventually turned to love—ruined, beyond repair. Ultimately, things weren’t meant to be with him.
As much as it pained you to say it, you still thought that what Taehyung and Jennie had was real—even after finding out her indiscretion towards you.
A year ago, you would have been spiteful. Wanting to hurt Haru as much as he hurt you. And what good would that have done? Even now, as your body calms down from the shock of it all, you feel oddly at peace.
“You should still try talking to him. He’s feeling raw, I’m sure but…if you love him, you have to try.”
You stared at her quietly as she cried softly.
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “And…thank you…for giving me that closure that I needed,” you finished.
She opened her mouth tentatively, looking like she was deciding whether she should say anything else or not. She swallowed hard. “D-does this mean that…you forgive me?” She whispered.
You softened your face. “Right now? No,” you say simply.
Her expression is pained and quite frankly, you didn’t want to twist that blade any further.
“But I won’t stay angry. That said, I think,” you paused, “…that should be enough for both of us to move on from this. I can’t tell you how things will turn out tomorrow but tonight, I can’t pretend that everything is okay.”
She nodded in acceptance. Before you tap your keycard to the door, she stops you to tell you one last thing.
“For what it’s worth—Jungkook had nothing to do with this. He overheard me and Haru arguing. He tried convincing me to come out with it.”
You sucked in a sharp breath, steeling yourself.
“I-I know I fucked up before but—I hope…I hope that I can at least salvage this relationship for you. He didn’t do anything wrong,” she says quietly before walking away.
With that, you open the door to your room and shut it behind you.
You took a few steps in and scanned the place. It was a sizable junior suite…but the last few days, it felt much smaller than that. More intimate.
You reached the closet to find one side of it empty. You looked around some more, as if taking stock of what was missing.
Nothing of yours. Just his.
You sat on the bed, feeling numb. You pushed him away…and he left, just as you wanted him to.
At least that’s what you kept telling yourself.
With a deep sigh, you flopped onto the mattress, with your hands above your head. As your back lands on it, your hand hits something else with a weird ‘thwack.’
You blindly feel around for the item. Once you grasped it, you held it up to your line of sight.
The words written on it made you sit up once more.
It’s all there. Trust me.
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Hiii blueberry 🫐
asking this to all my fav authors on here :
is there any au or trope that you think is overrated or that you dislike in general?
CALLING ME BLUEBERRY MAKES ME MELT HOW DARE YOU 🥺🫠😵💫💀 please take my heart
I don’t like extreme yandere stories like when the yandere character is so so so so so extreme that it’s no longer got any warped romance in it it’s just black and white abuse, I’m talking chopping off the OC’s body parts or like hurting them badly you know? For me Yandere’s should keep something about them that makes you question all your morals not throw them out the window
I’m not a lover of the taboo tropes, like step fathers and related/incest aus at all. Not that I’m judging anyone that does like them, I just don’t enjoy them myself
Otherwise I genuinely love most tropes, even the ones people think are overrated
I’m on the fence about the best friend brothers or brothers best friend tropes just because I think they have to be executed well
OH AND I DONT LOVE CHEATING AUS I HATE THEM NO I CANNOT FORGIVE IT, murder okay, BUT CHEATING IS WHERE I DRAW MY FICTIONAL LINE 😤😤😤 that being said there are some exceptions like Nerve by @deepseavibez and a few others
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Headliner Of The Month
Hello, Carnival Goers and Performers alike, please give a round of applause for our Headliner of the Month:
Our Wonderful Performer: Sheena @shina913
You are our Headliner of the Month!
During this month, we want to showcase your incredible talent and skill and share it with the Carnival! For this month, we want you to pick three fics of yours that you’d like us to showcase, and we also wanted to ask you some questions so we can understand how you write, why and what you want to get across with your fics.
Questions for you:
Three Fics: Please Provide the Links
Gradation
Scale
Intersect
When did you start writing fics, and why?
I started writing back in late October/early November 2021. I actually wrote fanfic back in high school—decades ago—in a physical notebook! But it was just for my personal enjoyment and I never shared them with anybody…I wasn’t sure if people would look at me weird while reading about imagining how it would feel to make out with Nick Carter (from the Backstreet Boys)?
But fast forward to present time, I started writing because I was going through a rough patch, mentally and emotionally. I was unhappy at my job and parts of my life, in general. Then, I started reading some BTS fan-fics on Tumblr, AO3, and Wattpad around July ‘21 and a couple of them had been imprinted in my mind, so to speak.
I also started to write because around that time, I wasn’t sleeping much due to my mind just constantly racing in the evenings and then generally feeling unmotivated by daylight. I was desperate for an outlet for my emotions. Then one afternoon, I opened up the “Notes” app on my phone and started to write while waiting from my train home from work. I’m not being poetic about it–it’s literally just how it started LOL
I had no intention of publishing because it started off as more of a form of therapy for me–before I found my therapist. From the Notes app, I eventually downloaded Google docs into my phone and moved my text there at some point–although my original draft for initial scenes on Gradation still lives in the Notes app. I keep it for sentimental reasons and it serves as a reminder of why I started to write and why I keep doing it.
Also, some part of me felt the urge to fill in certain plot holes that I found in other fics–like an ‘unmet need’ of sorts. Those thoughts niggled at me during some nights as well–while I laid in bed reading a 20+ chapter fic at 4AM! So, in an effort to carry out my own agenda of wish fulfillment, I thought, hey–why don’t I write the ending that I want?
What was your first fic?
Gradation
What is your latest fic?
Scions (series)
Why did you choose to write about the fics you have chosen?
Gradation
This story was really more of a form of therapy for me. I mentioned the concept to my sister–who consumes way more fics than I ever have so it felt somewhat validating that she thought it was decent? I showed her snippets of it and she was just happy that I had an outlet for creativity. I told her that I didn’t plan on publishing and that maybe this would just be a long-ass oneshot that I’ll keep for myself.
Eventually, I gathered up the courage to talk about it to one of my first-ever moots on Tumblr, Dee (@deepseavibez)–who is also a great writer, BTW. She very graciously offered to beta it and after doing so, she pushed me to keep writing. She gave me insightful and constructive feedback on my first couple of chapters. At that point, even though she was encouraging, I still didn’t feel confident enough to actually make that jump to format and publish. I think it took me another week or so to decide–also, because I had to look up how to actually publish and format it for the platform LOL I was unfamiliar with Tumblr’s format so I had to ‘learn it’ first–and even now, I’m still trying to learn some tricks LOL!
Scale
I wrote it because…I managed to fall in love with Jin while writing him as a side-character on Gradation–which wasn’t originally planned LOL!!! I also received some comments (while writing Gradation) screaming about him and how they felt bad about the character. So…I tossed the idea around with my sister and Dee and we pretty much agreed that Jin deserved his own happy ending! This was also my first venture into crack-fic writing–which…I eventually admitted to myself that I am really into reading and writing. I seem to always come up with chaotic ideas (that mostly end up getting cut in the end).
This was also the first time that I went with a primarily plot-driven story rather than a character-driven one. I did a lot of research–nothing too deep but just to help tie things together and to make it make sense? I also chose this as one of my favorites because of the effort that I put into this. I get that for fics, it doesn’t need to be that deep but…I just care a lot and that’s just how I am, so I figured that this is how I want to write because this is what I enjoy reading and I hope others do, too.
Intersect
Do I need a good reason to write about Kim Namjoon? Nope, not really LMAO! No, but seriously…I wrote it because I wanted to hit most of the typical fan-fic tropes to build my masterlist. I’ve done a best-friends-to-lovers scenario, strangers-to-lovers…so I wanted to get into enemies-to-lovers. Initially, I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to use Namjoon for this. For the first couple of drafts, he was ‘MemberX’ on the doc LOL! Then, randomly, I just replaced the placeholder with ‘Namjoon’ and the story just flowed from there.
I also had a ton of fun writing this and looking back on my original posting dates, I was really in my element here. I posted almost every week–sometimes even twice a week! My mind was constantly buzzing.
What was the most memorable line for you in each of the fics?
Arghhh–I know this is terrible but I have a ton of favorites! Here’s a list:
Gradation
YN to JK: “The only thing that would ruin this friendship would be an act of God.”
Part 3. Which hits way differently after she says it to him in a completely different tone and context in Part 8. Oof.
YN to JK and vice versa: “Ditto.”
I borrowed this expression from the movie “Ghost” and it felt awkward at first? But as the story went on, I just settled comfortably into it and made it ‘my own’ in a way.
No further words were exchanged. They weren’t necessary.
Part 4. This was the last night that YN and JK spent together before leaving Hawaii. I love conveying tension and emotion with subtle actions.
Jin to YN: “Like I said…it’s all background noise to me.”
Part 6. Writing this scene absolutely cemented my love for Jin.
Everybody in the world needs a Park Jimin in their life.
Part 9. Because they do!!!
Scale
He takes a whiff of the warm coffee and has faint visions of flickering neon lights while he watches the fog lift off the bay’s surface.
Part 2. This visual came to me in a dream–fog and flickering neon lights. I thought it fit with Jin’s current thoughts and how he just couldn’t get YN out of his mind.
Miya to YN: “Oh, honey…I know girls like you. I’ve known girls like you all my life. You are not one in a million. And I’ll tell you right now–there is nothing special about you except what’s between your legs.”
Part 6. I love this because it’s such a classic, soap-opera scene for me–where an antagonist ‘circles’ the protagonist like a shark. Ugh! I live for that drama!
Taehyung to Eunhae: “It’s just uh–I’m pretty familiar with the styling and brush strokes,” he says with a slight emphasis on the word ‘strokes.
Part 8. This sounds corny but I had a lot of fun writing in Tae as this smooth, ‘undercover’ guy who is trying to seduce a mark.
Intersect
There are soooo many because Intersect has taken over ‘Gradation’ as my favorite fic that I’ve written!
Namjoon to YN: “See? That right there–who needs mutual respect and professionalism when I can have blind hatred.”
Part 5.5. This was inspired by ‘10 Things I Hate About You’ and I thought it was just perfect for this scene.
Namjoon: “I can’t help it when you start to debate with me–it’s just…really hot when you start hitting me with facts.”
YN: “Well, when you come at me with large-scale data, how can I not be turned on?”
Namjoon: “So you’re saying you only want me because of my data?”
Part 7. I love puns and double entendres and if there is an opportunity to introduce it into any scene, I will add it!
Namjoon to YN: “You want to watch me lose it?”
Part 8. I haven’t come across many fics where the female OC takes pleasure in watching their male partner come apart at the seams–it’s usually the other way around. This scene was inspired by this 99-cent online book that I read a while ago–I forgot what it was called but that particular scene stuck with me and I thought I’d write that in here.
YN to Namjoon: “I thought you went home?”
Namjoon to YN: “I thought I did.”
Part 9. This was soft…and I wanted to essentially seal the deal on Namjoon and YN’s feelings towards each other.
Jungkook to Namjoon: “You were basically the same…like lines running parallel against one another. All you needed was to…tilt a little bit to make contact.”
And basically the entire intro to Part 10. One of my absolute favorites!
What was your writing process like for each fic?
In general, I am usually prompted by a movie I have recently seen or a TV show. I would pick it apart in my head and find out how I could make it work for me. That’s how it usually starts.
When I get a prompt or idea for a fic (especially for a series), I will either write it down in a Google doc or text my sister about it. Once we have a nice exchange going (meaning she’s into the idea, builds on it), that’s usually a good sign for me to start drafting or writing down bullet points, at the very least.
I try to pre-plan the story beforehand–outlining, if you will–mostly key scenes and plot points that I want to hit as the story progresses. However, I don’t outline all the time. Sometimes, I’ll just have a beginning and a ‘source of conflict’ planned out and I’ll write that down without an ending in mind yet. Eventually, once I figure out an ending, it’s just a matter of filling in the gaps and ‘landing the plane,’ is what my sister and I always say.
Often, I will get random ideas for scenes or conversations that aren’t in chronological order. I keep ‘scratch’ documents for each of my fics, specifically for prompts and I’ll just type out a conversation or add bullet points on what I think would be happening in that scene. When I’m writing a chapter, I’ll revisit that scratch document and I’ll find a line or bullet point and add it to my chapter draft and build on it. Sometimes I’m able to make it work, sometimes, it’s like a square peg. In one of my fics, I ended up scrapping a scene of about 1K+ words from a chapter. I thought it was a solid scene but when I started to read the whole thing, it just felt like it didn’t belong.
Having said that, I very rarely delete anything I cut. I always save those because they might come in handy or could fit another story. There have been a couple of paragraphs that I dropped from past fics that I ended up repurposing for another story. I just did some minor edits to make it fit.
For Gradation, I knew from the jump that I wanted to bookend the story with a wedding and it was a matter of mapping out the couple’s journey on how to get there. I knew that I wanted YN’s ex to come back, I knew that I wanted this falling out to happen. In fact, I drafted their fallout scene way before I mapped out all of the leadup to that. I just needed to connect all of the other events to that scene–with a tiny bit of a rewrite because I inadvertently changed some things in the chapters before that.
For Scale, that was a bit more challenging because there were so many elements to it. I knew that I wanted some complication between Jin and YN which was caused by their difference in social status. I’m a huge consumer of police procedurals and true crime documentaries. I am intrigued by white collar crimes as well. I mentioned ‘research’ here so, once I got to the point of the story where the plot started to unfold, I did a whole deep-dive into U.S. tax laws, high-value property insurance, and fraud. It got really overwhelming for a bit but I pushed through it. I worked very closely with my sister on this part of the story and I had many other ideas that I tossed at her and vice versa–before ultimately settling into what is currently published.
For the penultimate chapter, I originally didn’t plan it ending that way even though my sister had suggested it. FYI, we grew up watching Filipino soap operas–which always have an abundance of drama and crack in them. She had suggested a kidnapping/ hostage situation, which I tried my very best to shut that idea down because 1) I already did so much prior research on the previous chapters, even struggling through writer’s block just to push everything along, 2) it felt weird embracing the crack element of it, and 3) I didn’t know how I could write it without coming off too corny or dramatic? But…once I got to Part 7, it was clear that things were leading up to that point so I just leaned into it.
For Intersect, the process was slightly easier because I ended up using my own industry as part of the plot point here. I didn’t need to do much research because I’ve worked around public policy for over 10 years. In mapping out the actual narrative, I used the same approach–texting and calling my sister back and forth–exchanging ideas. Also running a few ideas past my friend, Dee since she’s also a Namjoon simp.
A few scenes in this fic, as I’ve noted in some chapters, were prompted by movies and some episodes of TV shows. Sometimes, I’ll rewatch those movies or shows to get into the emotion and see how the action unfolds, then I tailor those scenes to fit the current environment of my characters and the story.
Interestingly, about halfway through writing Intersect, I went to go see the boys live in Vegas on their final night. It was completely magical and when we got back to the hotel that evening, I wrote a little bit while Namjoon’s face was still fresh in my mind LOL
When I do chapter updates, I’ll have rough ideas of scenes that I want to happen and write them out as “headers” and build on those. Sometimes, I’ll send snippets to my sister for feedback and she’ll send notes. Once I think that I have a good, flowing chapter, I’ll send the full version to her and my friend, Dee, for beta reading. They make their suggestions and I implement notes or justify/reject them if I disagree. More often than not, I accept their suggestions because having a fresh pair of eyes always helps me.
When I go into a writing sprint, I’ll get tunnel vision and just plow right through the update. And then, I get the marked up version back from Dee and my sister and I think–huh–this suggestion makes total sense! How did I miss that?
So…to all beta readers–kudos to you! I’m aware that not all fic writers get their work beta-read–and that’s your prerogative, of course. For me, personally, I find beta-reading helpful because I am able to address possible questions or fill certain plot holes in my stories. After talking to another random reader, they’ve said that whatever plot points or background story I put in, they would just ‘accept it’ without much hesitation as long as it provides the slightest context into a character and/or rationalizes their actions. And that’s good, I guess but as a reader and consumer of many other forms of fictional stories, I always ask “why” and “how?” The whys and hows make the story interesting for me so when I write, I apply that same approach.
What do you hope readers will take away from the fics?
I’m a huge sap and tend to get very dramatic when I write. However, I’d like to think that my writing style is rooted in relatable and semi-realistic situations–just slightly a bit more dramatized. I want readers to know that I put a lot of thought into my characters, especially for multi-chapter stories–what their motivations are; why they do what they do; what their next action would be; what they would say.
I love creating strong, female characters and portraying them as so–especially when they’re in a position of power. I don’t want to sketch out a female CEO as just a counterpart of a man. Women offer unique perspectives and have experiences with and approaches to different situations so I want to make sure that I am able to give justice to that.
I’m a little older than most fic writers I’ve interacted with on Tumblr so I try to use my own personal experiences and inject them into my characters and stories. In contrast to being a little older, I also love reading content written by other writers whom I know are younger (based on their bios). I learn a lot from their different experiences and perspectives while they tell their stories. I think that just because you’re older, doesn’t necessarily mean that you know better. We all bring something different to the table and that’s the best thing about fan-fiction. There’s something different for everyone and you’ll end up finding something that will cater to your own ‘wish-fulfillment bank.’
I’m just another writer who wants to offer a different perspective and approach to typical, every day fanfic/AU stories and conflicts. And although the endings of most of my stories are generally predictable, I want to make the journey interesting. I feel like that’s what keeps a reader engaged. For a while, I thought that this approach was boring and that I should just go with whatever I think that majority of readers would like.
Having said that, I have and need to keep reminding myself that I started writing because it soothed my soul and I write for me so I try to stick with that. It’s what keeps me centered. I’ve said at some point that if I put something out there just for the sake of posting, that would be the death of my blog. If I’m happy with the content and proud of it, I know that those feelings will come off the page (or screen, in this case) for a reader.
Why do you keep writing? What drives you?
I’m mostly introverted so writing is a form of self-expression for me when the act of speaking fails me–which, 9 times out of 10, it does. I also love dreaming up certain what-if scenarios and just the whole premise of wish fulfillment (or shattered hearts) drives me.
Any writing goals you’ve recently hit? Any goals that you are planning to hit?
It’s not so much a goal that I’ve hit but an achievement but since I started writing late last year, I have written (and closed out) four multi-chapter series in a span of 9 months! That’s over 346,000 words that I’ve written and that’s not even including my one-shots and ongoing series…so I’m pretty proud of that!
It’s a modest goal but I’d like to develop more fics with more of the usual fan-fic tropes like: exes to lovers, arranged marriage, maybe even some fantasy!AUs. I’m always looking for a good prompt!
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Music tag game!
Rules: Make a new post and spell out your URL with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL
@deepseavibez tagged me so here I am!!!
C - chasing pavements (Adele)
O - o beijo e a reza (skank)
D - doin’ time (lana del rey)
E - elephant gun (Beirut)
I - island in the sun (weezer)
N - nosso xote (bicho de pé)
E - Eskimo kiss (the kooks)
B - baby blue eyes (a rocket to the moon)
E - esperando na janela (Gilberto Gil)
L - lovebug (Jonas brothers)
L - little Joanna (MCFLY)
E - electric love (børns)
@sahmfanficbts @kithtaehyung @wwilloww @aquagustd @jjungkookislife @bitiesworld
I don’t have many friends here I’m sorry
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when you have a dee who floods your notification with love and support for your new fic that she knows is making you anxious
i could put more…. i love you. please marry me. this is not a drill @deepseavibez
#dee my love <3#CAN YOU IMAGINE#you go on her page and its just her supporting me <33#LIKEDJJEDJDJKF#this is a dee fanpage pls#dee my baby🥺.#what if we like… idk fell in love got married and had 7 kids#🤔🤔🤔#maybe 8 idk.
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tag game! (music ver.)
Rules: Make a new post and spell out your URL with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL
Thank you for tagging me bby 🥹💜 @deepseavibez
Omg omg omg okay let’s do this
———
J - Jump, BTS
A - A Love Like War, All Time Low ft Vic Fuentes
Y - Yes or Yes, TWICE
S - Sweater Weather, The Neighbourhood
D - Don’t Tell Nobody, Tink ft Jeremih
I - Immature, FLO
M - Mixtape, Trevor Jackson
P - Plan B, Megan Thee Stallion
L - Look, Red Velvet
E - Eternally, TOMORROW X TOGETHER
S - Sex You, Bando Jonez
I feel like I don’t know that many people lmaoo so join in if you’re interested ❤️
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All my works are fictional and include certain themes or topics that can be triggering.
My fictional work is purely for interest, enjoyment and exploration. They should not reflect on my morals, values or who I am.
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Warning tags are present under each au and follow the color key below
|| {C} - Complete || {O} - Ongoing ||
|| {S} - Smut || {F} - Fluff || {T} - Potential Triggers ||
⌠Find Me⌡- boyfriend oneshot; 1.2k
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→ || {C} || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
Warning - Self-loathing; Depression (OC); Anxiety; Negative Thoughts;
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⌠Hide Your Heart⌡- boyfriend oneshot; 11k
→ || {C} || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to Hide Your Heart (mainly Namjoon as he is a central figure).
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3
Warning - Angst; Anxiety;
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⌠Drowning Too Deep⌡- namjoon x hoseok x reader; established boyfriend(s) au; poly au; 19.9k
→ || {C} || {S} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to DTD (mainly Namjoon and Hoseok as they are central figures).
Part 1 || Part 2 || 2.1 || 2.2 || Part 3
Warning - 21+!Only; Smut; Poly;
COMING SOON
⌠Twice the Attention⌡- bonus chapter; standalone;
→ || || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS or Got7 would carry out acts pertaining to TTA (mainly Namjoon, Hoseok and Jackson as they are central figures).
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⌠Nerve⌡- (established) husband au; cheating; aftermath; 361k
→ || {C} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to Nerve (mainly Namjoon as he is a central figure).
Playlist
Warning - Cheating(Aftermath); Negative Thoughts; Questionable Thoughts; Sadness; Pain; Crying; Pure Angst! Smut;
⌠Sweetheart⌡- future boss; future boyfriend; oneshot; 2.9k
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→ || {C} || {S} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to Sweetheart (mainly Taehyung as he is a central figure).
Warning - 21+!Only; Smut; Dirty Talk;
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⌠Blindspot⌡- best friend; oneshot; 4.7k
→ || {C} || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
Warning - (Slight) Angst; Anxiety; Unsure feelings; Fear of the Future; Fluff; Comfort;
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⌠Why So Serious?⌡- Dad!Yoongi oneshot; 1.7k
→ || {C} || {F} ||
Moodboard
Warning - Crying; Negative feelings (Implied); Confused parents (at first);
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⌠Make Me Forget⌡- boyfriend; drabble; 400
→ || {C} || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
Warning - Self-loathing; Sadness
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⌠A Star In Your Sky ⌡- Dad!Jungkook; drabble; 1.7k
→ || {C} || {T} ||
Moodboard
Warning - Angst ONLY; Sadness; Pain; Major Character Death;
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⌠Wave of Want⌡- AU; Billionaire CEO;
→ || {O} || {S} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to WOW (mainly Seokjin as he is a central figure).
Warning - 21+!Only; Violence; Vulgarity; Cheating; Force; Teensy bit of non consent; Smut;
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⌠Hold Me In The Silence⌡- Best friend drabble; Aftermath; 1.2k
→ || {C} || {T} ||
Moodboard
Warning - Suicide; Depression; Anxiety; Pain; Major Character Death; (implied) Violence; Angst ONLY;
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⌠Liquid Honey⌡- boyfriend; oneshot; 1.7k
→ || {C} || {S} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to Liquid Honey (mainly Jimin as he is a central figure).
Warning - 21+!Only; Smut; Bondage; Fingering; Edging; Dirty Talk;
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⌠Fall Pronto⌡- best friend's brother; oneshot; 3.6k
→ || {C} || {S} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to Fall Pronto (mainly Hoseok as he is a central figure).
Part 1 || Part 2
Warning - 21+!Only; Smut;
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⌠Drowning Too Deep⌡- namjoon x hoseok x reader; established boyfriend(s) au; poly au; 19.9k
→ || {C} || {S} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS would carry out acts pertaining to DTD (mainly Namjoon and Hoseok as they are a central figures).
Part 1 || Part 2 || 2.1 || 2.2 || Part 3
Warning - 21+!Only; Smut; Poly;
COMING SOON ⌠Twice the Attention⌡- bonus chapter; standalone;
→ || || {F} || {T} ||
Moodboard
DISCLAIMER - This is a work of fiction. I do not believe any member of BTS or Got7 would carry out acts pertaining to TTA (mainly Namjoon, Hoseok and Jackson as they are central figures).
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Nerve - Masterlist
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Moodboards
A/N - All pictures used in the making of my Moodboards and Fics were found on Pinterest or Tumblr. They do not belong to me.
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Drabbles
1
→ F/F; || {F} ||
2
→ F/F; || {F} ||
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© DeepSeaVibez || Do not repost, translate or edit any of my work without my permission ||
#deepseavibez#bts fluff#bts comfort#bts aus#bts fanfic#bts moodboard#bts au fanfic#bts angst#bts smut
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Hiiii absolutely wonderful person that causes absolutely chaos I thrive on. SO my latest fave look that I'd choose is Namjoon's outfit when they visited the Korean Cultural Centre in New York. As someone who has a concerning obsession with jackets, the one he's got on with the all black look does things for me.
hello super nice chaos appreciator! WAH YES WONDERFUL CHOICE that louis vuitton jacket on an all black fit really did it for me too 😩 i'd live to have it too if only it didn't cost more than my half year's salary 😃🔫
if u could have one outfit of any bts member which one would u choose?
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dope lovers [part 4] || eat glass
part 3 || masterlist || part 5
a/n : there is so much to unpack here eheh
[feel free to buy me a cup of coffee!]
taglist [open]:
@deepseavibez @thetrueghostqueen @reddeathraven @sopebubbles-reads @skyrro @unadulteratedlyunique @ramyagovindraj @wwhseokjin @drpepperobsessed @thekookiecorner @army-moa75 @burningupp @lele-bb @pb-n-juju @heonsbebe @peachyyoongs @superloverpielamp @marifujioka @butterflylion @heyitsgigi @lochness-butmakeitsexy @miki-chi @cahowlkook @worshiphoseok @lilacdreams-00 @miriamxsworld @oasiswithmyg @peonyplace @taeshuworld @instantspot @x-xjaeminx-x @luvtaeha @knjsagustd @speedyengineerhologram @wrmnssoul @jaiuneamesolitaiire @loveyoongles @goodnight-n-go-home @lilluvbun @aria-nic @catbugsugarpea @atinytree @cooljellyfishenemy @myselfxbangtan @breathing-inthemoon @rmforspy @hobiheavenly @michiiedreamer @vanillxangxl @siredsong
#bts au#bts social media au#bts smau#bts texts#bts hogwarts au#kim taehyung#taehyung x reader#taehyung texts
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Coquet, Part 10 | JJK
Coquet, Part 10
\ kō-ˈket
Definition: noun. a man who indulges in flirtation.
✫✫✫Coquet Masterlist✫✫✫
Pairing: Escort!JJK x Fem-reader
Rating: M (🔞)
Genre: Fake-dating!AU; Strangers to lovers; fluff; angst; smut
Warnings: cussing; sexually explicit language; JK hair brush-up (if that's legitimate?); vulnerable confessions; heavy pining; angst (not super dramatic, though); discussion of relationship/commitment fears; alcohol consumption; tooth-rotting fluff; fingering; masturbation; OC and JK have such filthy mouths; the return of the devil suit; oral (F-receiving); clit play; nipple play; protected sex; dirty talk; praise kink; semi-clothed sex; riding; multiple orgasms; cuddling; bed-sharing; MORE tooth-rotting fluff in the end
Word count: 11,529K words
Summary: On your brother's wedding, you dread traveling to see your family–whom you have successfully avoided for over a year after moving across the country for work. In an effort to save face, you hire an escort to get them off your back and perhaps even make your ex–who happens to be the best man–a little jealous.
A/N: This is going to be another long one because it's the finale! First off, thank you to the best betas I could ask for: @internetjunkdrawer and @deepseavibez. I appreciate every insight, comment, and suggestion that you've given in every draft. For swooning and thirsting over this Jungkook. It might be a while before I get over him, TBH. This fic wouldn't have been possible without your encouragement and constant words of affirmation while I agonized over storylines, suffered through several instances of writer's block. I love you both--most especially, you, @internetjunkdrawer. I have you to thank for one of the more significant quotes here--it was deep and I'm so happy that I saved it in my drafts somewhere and found a great spot for it 😅 Thank you for always saving me from my worst impulses 🤣 and keeping me in check.😘
To all of you who have stuck around 'til the end (or waiting to binge this), thank you for the reblogs, comments, asks--you've all given me life!!!💜
Lastly, for Queen Bey--for coming out with such a bomb album that pushed me to finish this. It's that Virgo energy!!! Everything just lined up...
And with that, I'll shut up and let you get right to it. It's wine o'clock!!!🍷
A week after your lunch with Jungkook, you both found the time to meet for dinner at the barbecue spot that you’d been texting him about.
You showed up 15 minutes earlier than the agreed-upon time. You were feeling more relaxed than the last time you saw each other. If anything, you were really excited about tonight.
You took a menu from the host and sat in the waiting area to peruse it–even though you’d practically memorized it from cover to cover when you reviewed it online, in the days leading up to this. You’d already made up your mind about which meats and sides you would get. You were only trying to distract yourself because you were fidgety.
Did you actually think you were more relaxed this time? That’s what you kept telling yourself.
The pitter-patter against the window had you looking out to find the rain pouring. You had the obsessive habit of checking the weather every morning to ensure that you were dressed appropriately.
Glancing down at your knee-high boots, you breathed a sigh of relief before turning back to the menu.
You were so caught up with the surroundings, and in trying to distract yourself, you barely heard the door of the restaurant open.
‘’Hey.”
Your eyes flick up at a soaked Jungkook. He sounded out of breath like he had been making a futile attempt at running away from the rain. At least he had a jacket on, you thought.
“Oh no!” Your stomach knotted slightly in concern.
He stood by the entryway shaking the excess water off his hair before brushing it away from his face.
Your stomach was still knotted…but for a completely different reason this time.
“Shit, sorry for keeping you waiting,” he said wearily.
“Not at all. I got here early because I wasn’t sure how the parking situation would be.” You stood up to try to give him a hug but he quickly put his hands in front of him to stop you. “A-are you sure? I look like a wet dog,” he chuckled.
You wave him off. “It’s just water,” you say and hug him anyway.
“How’ve you been?” He asks after you pull away.
“Good. You?”
“Better now.” His response makes you smile involuntarily. “Uhm–shall we get a table? Maybe the grill can warm you up?”
He laughs while you check in with the hostess, who guides you to an open table. You quickly ask if you could borrow a couple of clean dish towels so that he could dry himself, to which the host agrees to bring it back around.
He gave you a puzzled look. “What? I didn’t want you to get sick,” you say casually.
“Thank you,” he said quietly while you smiled at each other.
******
“Oh shit, turns out we did order too much pork,” he grins embarrassingly while you laugh after the server drops your platters off: pork belly, garlic pork belly, spicy pork belly, miso pork belly, galbi, bulgogi, gyeranjjim, and an assortment of banchan.
“I mean…the server warned us that there was going to be a lot of food. You’re the one who sounded like you hadn’t eaten in days.”
“I had a long shift,” he said in between laughs. “Besides, between you and me, I think we can finish this.”
You scoffed at him. “Excuse me? What do you take me for?”
“Ah, c’mon. You’ve got a healthy appetite.” He’s seen you polish off a plate of bacon and eggs and enjoy a good dessert or two.
“I’m not saying that in a bad way because I think it’s great. It means you appreciate good food.” You smile while you watch him adjust the flame on your grill.
You both grab your tongs and start loading up the grill with slices of meat.
“Is this weird for you?”
Your eyebrows flick up at his question. “What is?”
“Being out here with me?” He clarifies.
“Why would you think it would be weird? Didn’t we plan on getting galbi anyway?” You say with slight amusement.
He snorts. “Yeah…but, that was before…you know…” he trailed off while he proceeded to put more slices of beef on the grill.
You and Jungkook hadn’t revisited any of the events that had occurred. That was all in the past anyway. You were turning a new leaf. Starting with a clean slate…and all of those other metaphors and idioms synonymous to a fresh start.
“Well…” You gave a thoughtful pause. “Are we any different now from who we were then?”
Now it was his turn to pause, the sound of sizzling meat filling the silence between you two.
“Aside from the location and current circumstances–we’re still the same people, right?” You ask him.
He gave a satisfied nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Okay so…there’s no reason for weirdness. We’re just–” You thought about what the most appropriate way to describe this outing was. “We’re spending time getting to know each other, right?”
Warmth bloomed within his chest. “Yeah, we are.”
You smiled back at him. He goes on to put some cooked slices on your plate, you mouth your thanks to him. You move the piping hot claypot containing the gyeranjjim towards you and away from him when you notice his elbow hovering a little too close to it.
“Hey–we’re supposed to split that,” he barks.
“Sheesh, relax! I just didn’t want you to get any second-degree burns!”
He chuckles. “I’m just kidding. I knew that. Thanks for looking out,” he says.
You took a sip of your non-alcoholic drink. “I wasn’t sure when you’d get another night off,” you say. Since your last lunch 'date’, you’ve texted and called each other–it was mostly casual but every now and then, they bordered on flirty.
“I didn’t think so, either. I usually work the day shift, then I’m off in the afternoon unless I get asked to stay a little longer or if I’m on-call. I’m sorry it took me a while to find a free evening.”
“No need for apologies. It’s your job. It can be unpredictable.” You smiled at him.
“How ‘bout you? How’s work?”
“Oh, you know. We’re gearing up for a second-quarter campaign so–it just means more stress and headaches that I care to discuss off-site,” you bemoaned, giving him a tight smile.
“Ah,” he twists his lips. “I won’t mention work again for the rest of this dinner,” he laughed.
You laughed in return. “Why don’t you talk to me about your work instead? Any interesting patients or cases recently?”
“Oh! Well, since you asked…” He goes on to talk about one of his cases, sparing you from any potentially gory details.
He’s enthusiastic and animated about it all. You listened intently, throwing in an occasional question or sympathetic comment, especially when he veers into the topic of which specialty he wanted to go into.
“I’m choosing between internal medicine or pathology. Mayumi said I should do both since I seem to have a knack for either one… or at least lean towards subspecialties that overlap,” he chuckled.
“It’s nice that your friend is really supportive.”
He lifts a shoulder. “She’s also worked her way up like me. She knows the struggle. At least her fiance’s been very supportive.”
“Sounds like he’s a keeper.”
“Yeah, they’ve been together a while. She’s trying to figure out how to plan a wedding around our residency.”
“That must be difficult…trying to balance a relationship and work?”
He stilled, his gaze, perceptive and assessing. “If they figured out a way to do it, I think that we can, too,” he says softly.
You feel a flutter within your chest. You weren’t even alluding to your relationship. You hadn’t brought it up in any of your recent communications since you were afraid that it might be too soon…and you didn’t want to seem ‘presumptuous.’ But it seems like he’d decided to open that door. “You think you’d be able to fit me in? With everything that you have going on?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
You lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know…being a doctor is challenging and I’m sure it takes up a lot of your time.”
“That’s true. But I’ve always thought that if you want something bad enough, you’ll find ways to achieve it and work even harder to hang on to it.”
He stared at you softly, filled with a sudden tenderness that made your throat tight. You absorbed his words, struggling to find the right response.
“I’m happy we’re doing this,” you say softly.
“Me, too,” he smiles.
******
It was quite the feat–several empty plates later. You already knew that you needed to run a few extra laps around your building to work all that food off.
By the end of dinner, you had to be slick about settling the bill since he got lunch last time. He was upset when he found out that you went behind his back. He looked so adorable with his little pout when he said that he was only joking when he told you to get the next meal.
“Sorry! You snooze, you lose,” you laughed while you walked out of the restaurant. He offers to walk you to your car. “At least it stopped raining,” you pointed out.
“Yeah.” He digs his hands into his pockets. “So–when can I see you again?”
You paused, mentally running through your calendar. You had a big campaign that you were gearing up for—the one that you refused to think about during dinner. You might have to put in extra hours for those…including some nights and weekends. Even though you’d rather spend that time with him, you had other commitments.
With a slight grimace, you answer, “Can I get back to you on that? It’s just…work has been a little hectic so I can’t tell off the top—“
“Don’t worry. I understand.”
“Sorry, I just—“
“What did I say about apologizing?”
Your lips curved into a smile. “I just don’t want you to think that I’m not making time for you.”
Truthfully, you were afraid of losing momentum. Last time, you both had full access to each other—but that was in a bubble. You weren’t in it now. And just as things were falling into place… real life had to get in the way.
“I feel like things were easier when we were back at the beach.”
He furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”
Your comment was meant to be nostalgic. Both of you could get to each other with ease. You were more accessible.
You turn to face him right when you arrive at your parking spot.
You sighed briefly. “I just meant–that we didn’t have to contend with different schedules and work our plans around that.”
He nodded, understanding where you were coming from before he smiled winningly at you. “That’s the thrill of it, right? We get to miss each other more.”
You smiled, wrinkling your nose. “Well…when you put it that way.”
“So, we’ll just call each other and…figure something out?”
“I guess so,” you answer.
He shifts in his position and takes a step closer. “So…this is goodbye for now?”
“‘Goodbye’ sounds so final. Can we just settle for ‘goodnight’?”
You see a glint of mischief in his eyes. “Alright. Do I…get a ‘goodnight hug’?”
You roll your eyes playfully at him. “We hugged earlier so–that’s fine.”
He laughs. “I’m just checking!” He says innocently.
His arms wrapped carefully around your waist and you snuggle into his hold. “Well, this is a weird hug,” you point out.
He nuzzled his nose against yours. “Well, yeah–because I wanted to get close enough to kiss you.”
You chuckle softly before he cups your face, tilting your head to the angle he wanted, and pressed his lips to yours in a chaste kiss that left you breathless and stars dancing in front of your eyes.
Pulling away, he took a couple steps backward. “Call me when you get home?”
You nod wordlessly, while you watch him walk away with that familiar confident, sexy stride that turns heads.
******
A week later, although he had work to keep him busy, he couldn’t help but fight the urge to bother YN about when they would see each other again.
They maintained communication but it was always ‘safe’ in a way where they kept it casual instead of obligating the other to set aside time in their day to make contact. She responded when she wasn’t in and out of meetings or conference calls. He texted back when he wasn’t making his rounds, completing patient post-op notes, or sleeping.
Jungkook felt miserable and useless. He missed her terribly. But he didn’t want to come on too strong for fear of scaring her off so he was treading lightly. Things are different now. They weren’t under contract or any time constraints. Relationships like these took time, just as Mayumi had told him and he had to accept that.
Feeling lost after one of his shifts, Jungkook sat in his car before driving home. He dials a number on his cell, hoping that the person would pick up on the other end.
“Hey…sorry to call you like this…No, no–I’m good. I just–needed someone to talk to. Would you mind if I stopped by?…Alright, cool, thanks. I should be there in 15 minutes…Great. See you soon.”
******
He parked his car in the lot at his destination and proceeded to walk up the front doors. Most of the lights were shut off and the ‘closed’ sign was turned over. He knocks loudly a couple of times until he grabs the attention of the person sitting by the bar with his laptop.
The man slid off the barstool to unlock the door and let him in.
“Jungkookie! Good to see you,” he smiled at him, giving him a quick hug.
“Sorry to just drop in like this, Jin-hyung.”
“Not at all. I was just looking through our end-of-week sales for the restaurant.” Jin gestures at an empty bar stool next to him, prompting Jungkook to take a seat.
“Want anything to drink?”
Jungkook declines. “I’m good, thanks, hyung. I’m driving and I still have work tomorrow.”
Jin laughed. “Alright, Dr. Jeon. I hear ya.” He took a sip of his red wine before getting down to business. “So–what can I do for you?”
Jungkook sighs heavily. “I have…this client. Ex-client now,” he quickly corrects.
Jin hummed, signaling that he was listening. He was no stranger to client stories. He was always there to offer a sympathetic ear. And even though Jungkook didn’t work for him anymore, his door was always open…especially for someone whom he considered as a younger brother.
“We had this…I don’t know…” He pursed his lips and made wide, slow gestures with his hands, trying to find the appropriate adjective for it, “…Intense chemistry while we were under contract. It started off very business-like and I tried to keep it that way but then…I started to like her…enough to pursue a relationship with her,” he finishes.
“Okay. Did you propose to see her outside of your arrangement?”
“Yes.”
“And did she turn you down?” It was sort of an unspoken rule that an escort should not date their client outside the arrangement. Developing feelings towards them or vice versa was also discouraged. Once there was a hint of emotional attachment, the arrangement had to be severed immediately. It was just bad for business.
But since Jungkook was decidedly moving away from the service permanently, he could very well do what he wanted, outside the confines of the contract.
He decides to spare Jin the whole pre-wedding drama since it’s pretty much irrelevant at this point. “Well, no. We’ve gone out a couple times.”
Sensing that Jungkook wasn’t telling him the full story, Jin tries to coax it out of him. “Now I know you didn’t drive all the way out here after working a 12-hour shift just to complain about a couple dates that you both agreed to.”
He exhales deeply and chews at his bottom lip to sort out his thoughts. “I want to see her again and—” Truthfully, after that kiss, he wanted to pull YN back into his car and drive back to his place, which was only a few blocks away.
“I don’t know if I’m trying too hard to control myself or…” he let out a frustrated sigh, unsure how to verbalize it. “I just don’t want to come off too eager.”
He cleared his throat before explaining further. “You once said that, when we’re with clients, you have to fawn over them…make them feel wanted—because it’s all about them. You want them to have the best experience.”
He chewed at this bottom lip when his thoughts shifted to YN. “I want to do all that for her. I want to cater to her…but…” he paused for a beat, “I don’t want her to think that I see her as another client. How can I let her know that?” When he finishes, he starts to have second thoughts about getting that drink.
He rubbed at his tired eyes and then looked at Jin. “I don’t know what it is, hyung. When I’m with her, it’s like, I have this compulsion to make her want me because that’s what I’m used to doing. I wanted to see her again but then she has work and…I don’t want to be a bother.”
Jin’s eyes shift, allowing for Jungkook’s words to sink in before he offers him any advice. “There’s nothing wrong with using a similar approach. It’s all about intent.” He refocuses his gaze on Jungkook. “What do you hope to achieve at the end of this? Do you want a big tip or do you want to be with her?”
“I want to be with her, of course,” Jungkook answers instantaneously.
“Okay, so show her that you want to be with her. Show her that you want her!”
Jungkook sighed. “I don’t want to overwhelm her, though. I want to do this right, hyung.”
Jin threw his head back and laughed heartily. “Oh man—you’ve got it bad, huh?”
He dips his head, smiling sheepishly.
“Tell me, what’s different about her? What made you decide that she was going to be your last?”
He lifted his head to answer Jin. “It was all a matter of timing, really,” giving him a small smile. “I was feeling exhausted from work and starting to question my decisions. My friend convinced me to take a break; take some time to figure things out. Then…YN’s request came in.”
Jin’s brows knitted. “I recall…because I thought that you had deactivated everything.”
Jungkook’s mouth narrowed into a thin line. “I did. Or…at least I thought I did. I switched phones and…I think something got messed up with the syncing or whatever.” He shrugged, thinking about the day that he finally checked his email and saw the notifications.
“When I got the notification, I even thought, ‘Wouldn’t this be funny if I used this as a test run for a real date?’” He smiled crookedly. “I just wanted to see what it was like since…it had been a while for me.”
Jin snorted. “You doknow that our app is for them to find us, not the other way around, right?”
Jungkook laughed. “I realize how ironic that is, hyung. I didn’t know how to put myself out there. So…when I responded to her, I thought I’d start off by giving her my real name. We had the standard talk and…we were in business.”
“And you took her money?” Jin asked incredulously.
“No!” Jungkook answers emphatically. “I never intended on taking it to begin with. I just wanted to make her think that…which was why I didn’t charge her the full price. I was going to return the whole thing anyway in the end,” he mumbles.
Jin arched a curious eyebrow at that, to which Jungkook nodded at his unspoken query. “I paid the commission out of my own pocket, hyung. I told you that the decision to terminate the date was mutual but…” His fingers started fidgeting, “…In reality, she actually terminated the date.”
As in their existing business code, if both parties agree to terminate the date, the app keeps a percentage of the booking as sort of an ‘inconvenience’ fee. However, if the client terminates the date due to unsatisfactory service, they are entitled to a full refund.
“But she wasn’t just a test run. What I didn’t expect was…feeling all of this. For her. I wasn’t sure at first but after the last time I saw her–I think I knew. And now, I’m starting to question everything that I do or say because I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“Aish, Jungkookie,” Jin shook his head, chuckling. “I think you’ve lost your touch!”
“What? No!” Jungkook jerks his head back in disbelief, resenting Jin’s comment. Not to be cocky but at one point, he was the app’s top earner. “I may have been off for a few months but…I’ve done this for a few years! I hardly think that I’m going through this use-it-or-lose-it situation,” he argued.
Humor and teasing danced in Jin’s eyes. “Bro, you’ve been off for close to a year. That’s hardly a few months. And…I’m not making fun of you or anything. I knew that when you decided to give it up that you had gotten all that you could out of this gig. It doesn’t serve you anymore and I get that so–I was surprised when you told me that you wanted to go for it one last time. I figured, maybe you needed some closure since your last client before this…really affected you.”
When Jungkook got into the business, Jin made it clear to him that he wasn’t locked into any sort of employee contract. None of the other escorts were. As long as they were respectful to clients and turned in a small percentage of their earnings, they were free to come and go as they pleased.
Jin leaned backward, feet propped on the bar stool’s rungs.
“I’ve always said that our business is built on the client’s wish fulfillment.” His expression turns serious. “But…I’m sensing that you have your own wishes that you want fulfilled, too. And something is holding you back. What is it?”
Jungkook’s shoulders slump and he pinches the bridge of his nose, unable to verbalize it. If he did, it would make it more real.
“Is it because you’re afraid of rejection?”
Jungkook’s eyes darted back to his hyung. Whatever instincts he had, he learned to hone them under Jin’s guidance. And right now, Jin was reading him like a book. Rejection was a rare feeling for Jungkook. Being an escort boosted his confidence–it helped him get through those first years of med school. And getting accepted into his first choice for his residency? That did wonders for his ego.
When it came to YN–it was a different ballgame. This wasn’t a controlled environment. There weren’t any set expectations and there were a lot of outside factors that could come into play.
“Ya! Come on! I thought I raised you to be more confident than this!” Jin jokingly scolds him.
Jungkook laughs, his nose crinkling.
“Okay, on a more serious note, I know that your situation with this woman has changed. But what have I always taught you whenever you have your first encounter with the client?”
Jungkook sighed as if repeating a mantra that he had carried with him through the years. “Ask them about the nature of their request, then be honest and explicit about what’s possible and what the escort’s limitations are.”
“Precisely. Tell me that doesn’t apply to your current problem.”
Jin took another sip of his wine and set his glass down on the bar’s surface. “If you want her, tell her and show her that you want her. There’s nothing wrong with that! The worst thing about this isn’t the fear of rejection–it’s not knowing. Ignorance isn’t always blissful.”
Although he’d already had half a bottle of wine at this point, he couldn’t be soberer while trying to get his point across. “And just like what we say in our business, if neither party isn’t forthright about what they want out of the experience, this won’t be a successful partnership. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Jungkook raked his fingers through his hair. It was a mix of exhaustion and a stark realization. He needed to get over his fear. It was that same feeling that he had before that first cut with a 10-blade. He just had to go for it.
“If you fulfill her needs, then–you get what you need, too.”
“What’s that, hyung?”
Jin gave him a knowing smile. “Her, of course.”
******
It’s been a few days since your last outing with Jungkook. You continued to call and text each other to check-in. Work has been a steady distraction and you were immensely grateful for it. You were afraid to admit that you were missing him a lot.
“So–no word on date number three yet?”
“His job is not a regular nine-to-five,” you tell Cristina. She furrows her brows as she distractedly sips on her glass of wine.
“Okay. Have either of you brought up the topic of dating exclusively?”
You clicked your teeth. “Honestlyyy…” you dragged out, “We haven’t exactly labeled it or said the exact words. But, based on all of our conversations, it doesn’t seem like he’s seeing anyone else.” You reach over the charcuterie board for some chocolate-covered almonds that she had just refilled since they were the first to go.
After some thought, her question began to worry you a little. “But do you think that’s bad? That we haven’t defined whatever this is?”
Cristina twisted her lips sideways and thought for a few seconds. “I don’t think so. You’ve only been out on a couple dates. As long as you’re telling him what you want, how you feel and he does the same–” she lifted a shoulder, “You shouldn’t worry about anything,” she mumbled while chewing on a cracker that had some brie on it.
She let out a sigh to offer another perspective, out of curiosity. “Do you ever think that he’s the type who gets everything he wants easily? I haven’t met the guy but I get the feeling that he’s used to bringing women to their knees. I mean, you guys did sleep together on what, the third or fourth day of your fake-date?”
Then she cleared her throat, suddenly remembering her own ‘boyfriend experience’. “Hmm…but then again, I suppose that’s relatively slow since my guy and I got down the first night.”
You grimaced. “I don’t want to think about it that way, Cris. So far, he hasn’t given me that impression. He’s talked about struggling through med school and even now, while he’s doing his residency. I mean…if he wanted things to just drop on his lap then he would have stuck to being an escort.”
You didn’t mean to come off defensive but you knew in your heart that Jungkook was different. He might have gotten things easily at some point in his life but based on what he’s told you before, there were also parts of his life that were far from easy.
She rested a hand on yours and gave you a compassionate look. “Babe, please don’t take my questions the wrong way. I love all this for you. Shit, I’m very happy that you’re finally putting yourself out there again after everything,” she sighed, “I love you and I’m only looking out for you.”
Cristina’s concerns were warranted. She’s seen through your post-Haru phase almost in its entirety. Although she was the last person to tell you what to do with your life, she would be the first to call ‘bullshit’ once she got a whiff of it.
You squeezed her hand in return. “Thanks, babe. I appreciate you. I’ll admit, I do feel a bit of pressure to keep things going but, I can’t control his schedule and I have my own life to keep up.”
In therapy, you’d learned to let go of things that were out of your control. It helped ease your anxiety on some days.
“I mean–if he’s not pressed, then you should just let the relationship grow naturally. You guys are vibing and communication seems to be steady so…”
You hummed.
“Do you like him?” She asks you outright.
“I do,” you answer softly. “I just think that my problem is, I have expectations. I can’t…help them.” You dismiss your thoughts and tilt your glass up to down the rest of your drink. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just rushing the process.”
You stare at the empty glass for a bit, wondering if you wanted to pour yourself another.
“Is it because you guys just fell so quickly for each other back when you were faking it that–it feels weird for you that you’re both taking it slow now that you’re back in the real world?”
“I’m not opposed to taking it slow. I mean, we kissed last time we saw each other.” You also couldn’t help but mentally kick yourself for not inviting him back to your place for a nightcap…or, at least to dry off the rest of his clothes. You sighed, finally grabbing the bottle, and pouring yourself another glass.
“Are you sure you weren’t just into the whole idea of him being an escort? You know–like a fetish?”
You almost choke on your drink, widening your eyes at her. “Oh my god, no! No, that’s not what it is,” you say vehemently. “Just like your guy, we also had some deep, personal conversations. Even though I brought him there as a ruse, those conversations were real to me. I’ve never…” you blinked slowly, “I’ve never really talked to anyone about my real dad. Not even Haru.”
Cristina winces at the sound of he-who-shall-not-be-named but she knew that opening up about your dad was a huge deal for you. Not to mention the years of therapy that got you to that point.
“He’s had an idea of my insecurities and…all of these other things that make me question myself.” You paused, trying to come to some sort of conclusion. ”Even though whatever this is isn’t quite defined, the way I feel about him is clear.”
She stared at you pensively while you awaited her response. “I think that you two should really sit down and talk this through. If you would like to get into a relationship with him, then I think that you should tell him just that–exactly what you’re telling me. That’s your language. You need words of affirmation. You need to hear it said out loud because it helps you move along.”
You move your glass in small, circular motions and absently watch the liquid swirl in it.
“Maybe his language is more action-based…or physical.” You thought back to when you and Jungkook were together. He was awfully touchy then and he was also happy to do things for you. You remembered how happy he was when you ordered coffee to be brought up to the room at one point.
“It sounds like you’re somewhat on the same page, though.”
With that, you take a huge gulp of wine. You never thought of it that way but it made sense. You had to make a move. Enough of this waiting around to find out.
******
After your talk with Cristina, you thought about how you’d give Jungkook that little nudge to hint that you were serious about him and wanted to take things further. Apart from texting back and forth about your days, you hadn’t really said anything explicitly indicating that you felt a little more what you were letting on on the surface.
You sighed and picked up your phone. You thought about his most recent message this afternoon. He mentioned that he was on-call tonight. Normally, if he was on-call and it was a relatively slow night, you would text back and forth or talk on the phone until you had to tell him that you had to sign off for the evening.
Since he hadn’t texted you since this afternoon, you figured it might have been a busy night.
As your finger hovered on the keypad, you thought about what you could say that meant a little more than, ‘how’s your night going?’ You started typing.
[You] (11:15PM): I miss you.
And you meant it. After sending, you sink into your covers in your sleep clothes. They weren’t your usual silky pajama set but it’s been your standby since getting back from your trip–a pair of boyshorts underneath an oversized t-shirt that didn’t belong to you. You happened to discover it mixed in with the rest of your laundry that you brought back.
It’s gone through a few washes since then but you could swear that traces of him still lingered in it. You shut off your nightlight and close your eyes. You weren’t expecting a response from him until the next morning.
******
And then your phone rings. You blindly feel for it on your nightstand and hold it up to check the caller ID. It was Jungkook. You barely register that it was just past 2AM.
“Hi,” you croaked out.
“Hey. Sorry I woke you.”
“It’s…alright,” you say drowsily. “What’s up? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. Tonight’s been crazy–and then I realized it was a full moon.”
You chuckled softly. “Are you done for the night?”
“Not yet but, I just finally got my break.”
“And you thought about giving me a call?”
He laughs softly on the other end. “Well…this might be surprising to you but I was actually thinking about you right before I saw your text.”
“Y-you were?”
“Yeah. I think about you a lot, you know.”
You smile languidly into the phone and stretch out on your bed. “Do you now?”
“Uh huh. I especially think a lot about that time you tied my tie.” His voice was lower now, raspier.
You stilled, gasping softly. “Uh huh…” you say in anticipation.
“And then…I bent you over that dresser. Remember that?”
You inhaled sharply. You were wide awake now. “Y-yes.”
He hummed in pleasure. “I’m not usually one for quickies but that’s always going to be at the top of my list.”
You bit your lip. “It was good,” you say. Before you continue, you vaguely remember that he was still at work but it sounded eerily quiet on the other end. “Where are you? In a supply closet or something?”
“In the on-call room,” he laughed. “It’s just me. I’m supposed to be sleeping but…I couldn’t get my mind off you.”
“So you decided to call me at two in the morning to tell me that you were thinking about the time that you bent me over a dresser?” Your tone was teasing.
“Well…it wasn’t just that.”
“Oh, did you have other thoughts?”
“I have plenty of thoughts…especially when it comes to you.”
The way he said your name sent shivers down your spine. You involuntarily press your thighs together.
“Shall I tell you about some of them?”
“Mm hmm.”
“I can’t hear you.”
“Yes, please tell me.”
“I think about kissing your lips, my mouth moving down to your neck.”
You swallowed audibly. “…on your chest. Sucking on your tits.”
Your free hand moves of its own volition and slides down past your waistband to cup your mound.
“Dragging my lips down your stomach…Me spreading your legs and kissing your inner thighs.”
“Hmm.”
“Can you imagine feeling me there now?”
Your fingers slip between your moistening folds, rubbing while his words drip like honey on the other line. “Hmm…yes, but it’s not the same.”
“No? Why’s that?”
“You feel much better.”
“Mm…I’m sorry. I guess this will have to do for now, huh?”
“I’m not mad at it.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Mm…your head between my legs.”
“Yes…”
“And your tongue…slowly licking.” You stroke your clit, the sensation sending waves of pleasure through your body. You hear soft, rustling sounds in the background but it doesn’t distract you.
He groaned softly. “I miss the way you taste.”
“Yeah?” You gasped out.
“Mm hmm… As much as I miss the way you feel. Always so wet for me.”
“Hmm yes…” you mewled as you dipped a finger into your cunt.
“Tell me how wet you are now?”
“Hmm…I’m soaked.”
“Shit. What I wouldn’t give just to get the fuck out here in my car and fly over to your place now.”
“But you can’t, though.” You pouted, knowing he’d get in trouble if he didn’t finish his shift.
He let out a frustrated sigh. “I know.”
“Even then, you shouldn’t leave me hanging either.” Your fingers continued to rub circles on your clit.
His deep, sexy laugh made your skin tingle. “I wouldn’t dream of it. I’d lick every last drop off you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Fuck, I’m so hard for you right now. I wish you’d wrap your lips around my cock.”
The thought of his cock in you again sent another charge of electricity through your body. “Mm…I miss your cock. I loved it when it filled me.”
“That’s because you have a greedy cunt.”
Normally, you’d gasp when a man spoke so bluntly like that. Instead, it just made you wetter and hungrier for him.
“Hmm…I do but I know you love it when it milks you dry.”
At that point, you switch your phone to speaker mode and set it on the pillow, right by your ear. You pulled your sleep-shirt above your chest, the cold air making your nipples ache with need. You pinched and pulled on one with one hand while the other continued massaging wider, rhythmic circles on your clit.
“Fuck, yes. I can’t wait to be inside you again.” His breathing matched yours, heavy and stuttered. Every part of your body, tightening as you feel your orgasm cresting.
“Fuck... I’m gonna cum,” you whisper harshly.
“That’s a good girl. I wanna hear you scream my name, baby…”
And just like that, your torso arches away from your mattress, cumming with a low, tortured cry, groaning his name while your walls pulsed from arousal.
He wasn’t far behind when you heard his muffled, drawn-out growls on the other line.
You listened to each other’s ragged breathing for a few seconds when he let out a chuckle. “Shit, give me a couple seconds.” You hear the distant rustling again. You figured he was scrambling to clean himself up before anyone walked in on him. You took the opportunity to wash up as well.
A minute later, he returns. “Sorry–I…don’t know what came over me.” It made you laugh. “Riiight,” you dragged out teasingly while you walked back towards your bed.
His husky laugh tickled your ears. “Uhm…listen, I know it’s super late, and in all seriousness, I’ve been thinking a lot about how things have been going between us. I know we haven’t synced up our schedules and I want to make it up to you.”
“Make it up to me? You didn’t do anything wrong,” you say gently while you sink into your bed.
He hummed. “Yeah, but—I really want this to work. So I’ve decided to make that time so we can see each other again.”
Your heart fluttered while you shifted under the sheets, your interest piqued at what he had planned.
“Have you been to L’Atelier?” He asks.
It was a swanky, modern French bistro in the city and was notoriously difficult to get reservations at.
“N-no, I have not.”
“Good. Because I’m taking you there this weekend,” he says simply. It wasn’t a question, he had just decided for you.
“Uhm—are you…sure? I thought you told me that you were scheduled to work this weekend?”
“Yes, but I found somebody who can cover me so I just traded with them,” he says casually as if it was a non-issue.
“So, whatever you have planned, clear them, because I’m taking you on a date. And a really good one, I might add,” he says confidently. “You could also say that it would feel like a trip down memory lane.”
Your jaw falls open slightly, your brain wanting to argue but you’re speechless.
“Anyway, I’ll pick you up at 6 from your place. Wear something nice, okay?”
“Uh…o-okay,” you stammered. This reminded you of when you first met on the plane, when he told you to take a seat, or when he silenced your protests by just uttering your name.
“Good. I can’t wait! Now, I think that orgasm will actually put me to sleep for a few minutes,” he laughs.
“Right, right. I’ll let you go then. Get some rest,” you say to him.
“Good night…or, should I say, good morning?”
You giggled. “Good night, Jungkook.” As you settle back under the covers, you smile contently as traces of whatever worries you had during your conversation with Cristina slowly fade.
******
You groaned, looking at the mirror and turning from one angle to another. He said to ‘dress nice.’ You didn’t have a shortage of nice clothing but Cristina, ever the enabler insisted that you go on a quick shopping trip.
She vetoed each one of your picks–too mumsy, old-fashioned, ‘Babe, you look like you’re taking him to church or something,’ she remarked at one point. ‘Unless your whole goal is to get him on his knees?’
You roll your eyes at the memory. After several fittings, this is what you ended up with–a sapphire-hued bandage dress with a split back at the hem, and lace paneling in front. It was practically lingerie trying to pass off as a dress.
At first, you told her that you didn’t want to come off looking too thirsty–even though let’s be honest, you were.
You text her a selfie once you had your hair and makeup part way done.
[Cris] (5:25PM): Sesssyyyy mama!!! I’d be shocked if he didn’t start begging at the door.
You had to hand it to her, she was pretty confident. Your phone buzzes again with a follow-up text from her.
[Cris] (5:26PM): Hell, I’d do you! 😛
You cackle at her last text before continuing to fuss with your hair and makeup.
At 5:30, on the dot, you hear a knock on your door. You took one last look–smoothed your hair and checked your teeth for any lipstick stains–there were none, thankfully. With an audible exhale, you walked to your front door to greet your date.
“Hey–” Your brain instantly comes to a screeching halt when you open the door.
There he was…dressed in that fucking devil suit. Standing there, all sexy and delicious like it was nobody’s business.
“Shi…wow. You look…mm,” he pursed his lips, raking you in from bottom to top. It was the same look he gave you the day of the bachelor and bachelorette party.
Flashes of your recent naughty phone call came to mind and you were pretty sure he had the same thoughts.
He stepped forward and leaned in to give you a lingering but surprisingly chaste kiss. You had to applaud his self-control because it was clearly a losing battle for you.
“Sorry, I forgot to give you a warning,” you murmured against his mouth. Your tone was teasing when you opened the door wider to invite him in. If he can rock a devil suit, so could you.
He jerked his head sideways quickly then chuckled. “I deserve that. Ready to go soon? I have us down for 6PM but with traffic and all, I’d rather get there early. We can always hang out by the lounge.”
“Sounds good. I just need to grab a couple things to put in my purse then we can go.”
“Sure.”
He looks around your living room while you scurry back into your bedroom to grab a couple of mints, your lipstick, and a compact.
When you walk back out, you find him staring at a few of the photos you had on your hallway table console. He turns when he hears your heels clacking on the floor as you approach him.
“You were a cute kid,” he smiled as he held up a frame of you, Taehyung, Jimin, and Mindi during one summer camping trip.
You smiled warmly. “Thanks. That’s one of my favorite memories.” You look longingly at the photo as well.
“Will you tell me all about it at some point?” He asks hopefully.
“Yeah, I’d be happy to,” you say to him endearingly. “Ready?” With a nod, you grab your jacket before you head downstairs to his car and drive down to the restaurant.
******
By the time you pulled up to L’Atelier, you saw that it had a healthy crowd out front. He slid out of the driver seat and handed his keys to the valet attendant and rounded the front of his car to open the door for you.
You mouthed your thanks and walked hand-in-hand up to check in with the host, who immediately recognized him.
“Is hyung here tonight? He just told me that he’d have a table set aside for me but I wanted to say ‘hi’ and thank him in person.”
“I think I saw him hanging out in the back office earlier this afternoon but I’ll ask a manager to check in,” the host replies. “May I have your phone number so that we can text you when your table is all set?”
Jungkook dictates his number to the host, who keys it into their tablet. “Thanks. We’ll be at the bar whenever the table is ready.”
“Thank you, sir. It shouldn’t take too long.”
With your hands still linked, he guides you toward the equally luxurious cocktail lounge. The walls were a mixture of dark wood and a dark, hunter-green, almost black wallpaper. The ceiling was covered in an ornate, metallic sort of material giving the space an industrial and hedonistic look and feel, which was only softened by the dainty, white floral print on the walls.
The back of the bar was lit with warm lighting, enhancing the different types of liquor that they carried. There was plush seating around the bar and against the walls. Their upholstery complemented the same lush green and dark, woodsy color palette.
The weekend crowd was lively and you were lucky to find some vacant seating right by the wall.
“Glass of rosé still good for you or do you want something else?” You smiled and nodded, “Rosé is fine,” you replied, somewhat surprised that he still remembered.
“Do you have a preference?” You shrugged, “La Crema, if they have it. Otherwise, I’m fine with whatever.” With a nod, he walks away and approaches the bar. He motions at the bartender to place your drink orders while you settle in.
As busy as the bar looked, the drinks came quickly. He was about to hand his credit card over but the bartender held up his hand. You could have sworn he mouthed ‘on the house.’ He must be really tight with the owner, you thought. Jungkook smiled, thanked him, and left a tip before he walked over to you.
When he hands you your glass, you hold it up to your nose and take a whiff. It smelled fruitier than what you were used to. He sidles up next to you on the couch before raising his glass to you, silently proposing a toast. You clink your glasses and take a sip. You let out a hum of appreciation and held up the glass against the light.
“The guy said it’s Château Miraval…in case you liked it.”
You chuckled. “I’m usually skeptical about celebrity-hawked alcohol but–I might actually order a case of this,” you say before taking another sip.
He beams, happy that you were pleased.
“You know you didn’t have to do all this,” you say after you both take a sip.
“I know. But I wanted to…for you.” He looked at you intently.
You sensed some hesitation on his part before he decided to switch gears. “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. I thought that taking our time would help build that trust again. I also didn’t want you to think that I was hovering or anything. I didn’t want you to get tired of me–which is the opposite of what I hoped to achieve.”
He shifted in his seat and set his glass down on the tabletop. He leans in to reach for your hand. “I like you. And I want to spend every free moment that I have with you if I could. I’m not saying it to scare you but that’s how I feel.” He paused, chewing at his bottom lip.
You sucked in a sharp breath but kept your lips pursed.
“I also understand that everyone operates at different speeds. So–however slow or whatever pace you want to take this, I’ll match it. I just didn’t want to go on without telling you how I felt.” He let out a soft sigh as if feeling some weight lifted off him.
You offered him a warm smile, squeezing his hand in return. “I really appreciate that, Jungkook. I want you to know that I’ve also been holding back because I also didn’t want to come off as a stage-five clinger,” you chuckled nervously.
“But—I’m not apprehensive about you. I don’t want you doubting my feelings for you either because–I like you, too,” you chuckled. “And I mean…really like you–which is why I was trying to be cautious.” You scoot in closer, closing the gap between you. “I don’t want to ruin this.”
He shook his head adamantly, brushing away wispy strands from your temple. “No, you wouldn’t.”
Your eyes flick downward for a moment and swallow hard before you make eye contact with him again. “What I feel for you is…so intense that it kind of scares me.”
Worry washed over his face. “Why would that scare you?”
After a beat of hesitation, you decided to come out with it. “Because it also means that it could hurt a lot more.” You whispered, worried at your admission.
His breath catches for a second before he pulls you tightly to his chest. You feel him sigh into your hair. “I would never.”
You pulled back, feeling slightly panicked. “I want you to know that it’s not because I’m comparing you to anybody. I know that you’re different,” you say in a rush. “But sometimes, I just can’t help it.”
You have lingering traces from the past. Even though Haru was long-gone and you were excited about a new relationship in your life, you didn’t want to jinx anything. Things were going well…too well, in fact. You were in a long-term relationship for a while, almost leading to a marriage before all that was ripped from underneath you.
Your experience with Jungkook was quick. The attraction was instantaneous. And although this was the complete opposite of the slow and steady buildup that you had with Haru a long time ago, the stakes were just as high.
Unfortunately, society equates the length of a relationship with the quality of it. Your fears were understandably warranted.
“I just want this to work so badly.”
“I do, too.” He says. “And believe it or not–I’m also scared–probably more than you,” he chuckled wryly. “I’ve been so used to going about dating one way that this is pretty much uncharted territory for me.”
For somebody who seemed to exude confidence and swagger, that came as a shock to you. You didn’t want to think of the other women he’s encountered. Otherwise, you’d fall into a rabbit hole and never find your way back. But you could feel his sincerity…it was the same, calming feeling that you had during your quiet talks at the beach.
“Remember what I said last time–about things being easier when we were back at the beach?”
He nodded softly, prompting you to continue.
You looked him in the eye to get your point across. “I want to make it clear that I didn’t mean that I preferred that experience or that version of you. You know, I see you in this suit and you’re talking about taking a trip down memory lane…”
Worry marred his beautiful face again. Had he made a terrible miscalculation? “I…just assumed maybe you wanted that guy instead.”
You shook your head gently. “I didn’t fall for this,” You gestured at his suit–even though he looked hot as fuck in it. “I fell for the guy who…said he was sensitive to smells; is a self-confessed dork; the one who calmed me down when I was anxious; the one whom I had all of those honest conversations with. I’m not some woman who needs their fantasy fulfilled. I just want you. The real you.”
“I’m real now,” he utters.
You smiled at him. “Can we just–be ‘us’ again? Just…chill and easygoing? I don’t need 'sexy, smoldering Jungkook'.” He threw his head back and laughed out loud while you tried to stifle your own laughs. “Listen–from this point on, can we just, I don’t know, speak freely? Say what we mean and mean what we say?”
He gave a cursory nod, then smiled broadly at you. He tilted your chin up and pressed a soft kiss on your lips. “So you think I’m sexy?” He asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.
You rolled your eyes and gave him a playful shove on his chest while he laughed. Afterward, he lifts your hand, turns it over, and kisses your wrist.
“Okay, okay. But seriously–yes, from now on, we’ll be open to each other.”
Just then, his phone buzzes with a notification from the host, letting you know that your table was ready.
As soon as you take your seats, Jungkook’s eyes lift and he abruptly stands again to greet whoever was coming up behind you.
“Hyung,” he beamed. You turned in your seat and followed his gaze until it fell upon an equally attractive man, slightly taller than Jungkook. His hair was brushed back and had intense eyes that felt like they were undressing you with one look. He was also sporting a black suit, with a black, silk button-up shirt, sans tie.
Jungkook clasped hands with him and engaged in that standard backslapping and fist-bumping ritual of close male friends.
Your eyes shifted back and forth between the two men. Was this a devil suit face-off or what? Because…wow.
“Hyung, this is YN. YN, this is Jin.”
The man, whom you gather was the owner that Jungkook spoke of, turns to you.
You extended your hand and Jin brought it up to his lips to kiss it. “Very, very, lovely to meet you.” His voice sounded as silky as his shirt looked. “H-hi,” you managed, seemingly flustered. “Thank you for having us,” you said.
“Pleasure’s all mine,” he replies, smiling at you while your hands were still clasped in his.
“Uh…hyung? Do you mind?” Jungkook bristles.
Jin laughed mischievously and released your hand. Jungkook cleared his throat. “Hyung’s been in the game a while so…he finds it hard to stop.”
Your eyes dart back to Jin, widening in realization. Your mouth falls open, stuttering. “Y-you mean–he’s–”
Jin shrugged his broad shoulders casually, answering your unfinished question. “I don’t go shouting it out from the rooftops, but yes,” he says, before flashing you that same look and smile that Jungkook greeted you with the first time that you met him.
You silently wonder if he knew Cristina’s guy…or if this was him.
Jin peels his eyes away from you and turns to Jungkook once more, switching from an intense stare to a more casual one. “Anyway, I wanted to stop by and say ‘hello,’ make sure that you’re getting quality service,” he grinned.
“It’s been great so far, hyung. Thanks for accommodating us.”
“Good. Well, I’m sorry I can’t stay longer. I’ve got a couple of meetings–the work never stops, you know?” Jin smiled ruefully before turning to you again. “I hope I’ll get to see more of you?”
“I-I hope so?” You mutter shakily before he takes your hand again to place a soft kiss on it, goading Jungkook.
“Alright, bro,” Jin turned to Jungkook. “We should catch up again soon, yeah? Don’t be a stranger.”
“Thanks, hyung.”
When Jin was out of earshot, you turned to Jungkook in curiosity. “You have got to fill me in on what that was all about,” you tell him completely wide-eyed.
He pursed his lips, giving you a look of mock innocence and an almost imperceptible smirk.
After your conversation, it felt as if a cloud had lifted off you. You fell into step with him, perhaps even more synchronically than before.
Just like before, you’d chipped away at each other’s walls, letting each other in again. There would still be some lingering questions, sure–but after your talk, there were considerably fewer.
******
After your date, he drops you off at home. There happened to be an open spot right by your front step—which was a shocker since street parking in your neighborhood was always shitty.
He rounded the corner and opened the door for you—just as he did at the restaurant. You stood on the curb, facing each other.
“Tonight was really fun,” you say to him.
“It was,” he agrees.
“Easily one of the fanciest restaurants I’ve ever been to,” you giggled. You were more into cheap eats and only went out to nice places at Cristina’s insistence…and only if she was buying. Otherwise, you’d typically order takeout or cooked at home.
“I can bring you to a fancier one on our next date?” He slowly intertwined his fingers with yours and pulled you closer.
You cocked your head to the side and squinted one eye. “How ‘bout we mix it up for the next one?”
His brows rose. “What did you have in mind?”
“I’m thinking…dinner, at your place?”
“Mm—takeout?”
You laughed. “No, I’ll cook for you! I can bring all of the ingredients.”
His mouth made an ‘o’ shape. “Alright…” He sounded doubtful and the look on his face didn’t help him either.
You gasped, slightly offended at his skepticism. “I’ll have you know that I am a good cook!”
“Oh, you are?” His hands now settle on either side of your hips.
“Yes. And I bake, too,” you say confidently. You tilted your chin up and linked your fingers behind his neck.
“Okay…” he says in that low purr that makes your toes curl.
“And I think I have a pretty good idea of what I’ll be making for you.”
“Can you give me a hint?” His face was closer now. You can feel his fingers flexing restlessly on your hips. The pressure and warmth of his touch so close to where you ached for him was a unique brand of torture you were all too happy to subject yourself to.
You bring your face closer, your noses touching. “Hmm…I don’t think so,” you whispered, teasing him in return.
“Will I be able to eat it off you?”
His lips brush yours and you feel his soft breaths against yours. Your fingers toyed with the hair on the back of his neck.
You smirked through his mouth. “That’s the idea.” You nipped at his lower lip. Before you knew it, his mouth took yours. His tongue, tasting you in slow, deep licks.
When you pull away, your teeth sink into your lower lip. That familiar warmth was spreading quickly from your diaphragm, moving straight down between your thighs.
“Would you–” you paused as your heart started to race. “Would you like to come up?“
He stared at you wide-eyed. He opened his mouth slightly, trying to think of the right thing to say. “Are you...sure?” He asks slowly.
You nodded, pressing your forehead to his. “I’m not ready for this night to end yet.”
You nervously anticipate his response. He chewed at his bottom lip–looking like he was trying to find reason within himself but surprises you instead. “Me neither,” he finally says after a long beat.
******
He was on you in an instant, one hand cupping the back of your head and the other on your ass, his mouth on you in a feverish, ravenous kiss. He wasted no time, tongue licking into your mouth.
You moaned and gripped his waist, pushing onto your toes to deepen the contact. He lifted you, urged your legs around his waist and moved towards the couch. The hem of your skirt hiking up past your thighs in the most indecent way.
He was hard and pressing against your core, urging you to grind into him. You were at the point of no return. The same position you put him in, that first night you slept together. When you held him at the precipice until he practically begged to fuck you.
“God, I want you so bad right now,” you moaned, your hands stroking down his chest.
He pulls away from you briefly, arching an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Show me.”
You were dizzy with lust at the sound of his challenge. The whole night was a lead-up to this moment. Taking his hand, you slid it between you two, lifting your hips slightly to guide it to your wet center.
“For me?”
You nodded and moved your panties to the side so he could have better access. He cupped your slick heat in his hand. His fingers parted you, stroking over your clit, before pushing two digits inside. You continued to grind your hips, aching to feel his cock sink into your tightness, knowing how amazing it would feel–and he craved the constriction.
You unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants to pull him out. You cupped his hefty cock in your palm and stroked, making him groan and curse under his breath. He pauses his assault on your clit to retrieve a condom from his back pocket.
He hands it to you and after taking it, you rip the package with your teeth. Once he was sheathed, you reached back, yanking at the hem of your dress, attempting to pull it up further past your waist. You both giggle when you hear it rip at the seams, but you didn’t give a fuck. Lifting your hips, you hooked a finger under your thong and pulled it aside.
Hovering above him, you stared into his eyes and kissed him briefly. “I trust you,” you whispered to him. With a nod of his chin, you sank on your hips down his length. Your mouths fall open almost at the same time until he bottoms out. You sat still for a few seconds, relishing the feel of him stretching you.
Slowly, you rocked your hips forward, touching your lips to his at the same time until you were locked into a kiss again.
He broke the kiss to move his arm to arch your back. He quickly slides the straps off your dress, pulls the front down, and lifts your bare breast to his mouth. You moaned when you felt him teasing the hardened point with his tongue.
You surged forward, draping your arms over his shoulders.
Gripping your hips, he supported you, meeting each rhythmic movement of your hips, taking him deeper. You kept your eyes on him as they grew heavy. A rumbling sound filled the space between you.
You clung to the back of the seat and rolled your hips. You could feel him pressing against the deepest part of you. You cried out and ground into him, moving on instinct.
“Yes…yes…fuck…” You gasped, slamming your hips into his, pumping your hips up and down the rigid length of his cock.
Jungkook’s face was harsh with lust, brutally etched with his need. “I’m going to come so hard for you,” he promised darkly.
His head fell back against the seat, his chest heaving, harsh sounds of pleasure scraping from his throat. His hands released you, clenching into fists against the cushions. He let you fuck him the way you wanted to…the way you needed to.
Arching back, you came with a cry, your entire body shaking, your walls grasping, rippling along his cock. Your rhythm faltered, and your vision blackened. An endless moan poured out of you, the relief made your head spin.
Then, your perspective shifted and you were on your back, Jungkook rising over you. He quickly strips his shirt and bottoms off. In your post-orgasmic haze, you hear a distant sound of material ripping. Your thong never stood a chance.
He wraps his lips around your clit. He sucked and licked. You tensed up while completely surrendering to him.
“Oh my god,” you panted. “Your mouth…”
He spread you wide with his shoulders, tonguing you until you felt that familiar buildup within your core again. Your fingers pulled at his hair, goading him while you quivered around his tongue.
“Please…I need you inside,” you whined pathetically, completely lost in mindless pleasure.
He stops, lifting his head, and places wet kisses on your inner thighs before rising.
His arm hooked beneath your knee to lift it to his shoulder, pinning your other thigh down. He props a leg on the floor for leverage and slid himself back into you, thrusting hard again and again, sinking deep.
You writhed underneath him, the feel of him so good.
He kept you pinned, using you as you’d used him. Sweat beaded on his brows, his control out the door and replaced by the need to cum. His body pounded into you, driving his cock into your tender core. Your body quivered with the threat of another orgasm.
“Fuck yes…don’t stop,” you moaned, your nails digging into his flexed biceps.
He growled your name and started cumming, his teeth clenched, hips pressed tight against you. The feel of the rhythmic pulsing of him spilling into you makes your walls contract, setting off another orgasm.
“So good,” he groaned, rocking into the spasms of your core.
You strained together, grasping at each other.
He buried his face in your throat and collapsed on top of you. No other sound, except your ragged breaths, fill the room. Your fingers absentmindedly run through his hair.
Once your pulses steadied, he lifted himself off you. After he discards the condom, he sits down and gingerly pulls you upright, and settles you into the crook of his neck. He lets out a soft, contented sound when you snuggle in.
“That was good,” you tell him, playfully tapping at his chest.
A throaty laugh escapes him. “Thanks, I try.”
You pried yourself from under him and regard him intently.
“Are you still sure that you want to do this with me?”
“Absolutely,” he answers firmly.
“And you won’t regret anything?”
He shook his head and brushed his thumb gently on your brow. “I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made in the past. Because, if I hadn’t done all that, it wouldn’t have led me to you.”
Tears stung your eyes.
“As long as you’re okay accepting my past, my present, and everything else that comes with it.”
“I want all of you. And I won’t accept anything less.” You promised him.
“Good,” he says before he kisses your nose.
You convinced him to stay the night. You showered together, surprisingly managing to keep your hands to yourselves.
You got out first, dried off, and got dressed in your bedroom.
When steps out of the bathroom, he stills when sees what you had on.
“I-is that—mine?” He points to his shirt.
You stifle a guilty grin. “I mean…I thought you gave it to me?“
He scoffs. “I let you borrow it after you passed out on me that time.”
It was getting too difficult to keep a straight face while you tried to argue. “Sorry! I…didn’t think you’d miss it. Plus, it’s all worn out so—why would you still want it back?”
He laughs softly, relenting to you. “Fine. You look better in it anyway.”
You smiled triumphantly as you both got under the covers.
You snuggle up to him again, just as you did on the couch. His arm wrapped securely around you.
“By the way, since we’re being open and all—I have to tell you that…I’m not really much of a cuddler,” he says apologetically.
“Actually, neither am I. I get too hot when I sleep,” you admit.
His chest vibrates against your cheek while he laughs.
“But…if it’s okay with you, can you hold onto me just until I fall asleep?”
He sighed into your hair. “I’ll hold onto you for as long as you want me to.”
You lifted your head, looked up at him lovingly, and gave him a soft peck on his lips before you went back into your nook.
Before you drift off, he asks, “So—can I take you out for coffee tomorrow?”
You laughed. “Make it a full breakfast and you’ve got yourself a deal.”
◤Previous | Epilogue◥ | Main Fic Masterlist
Thank you for reading!
If you loved it and/or curious to learn more, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn't like it so much, I would still like to hear about it 💜
#bts fan fiction#jungkook#jeongguk#jungkook x reader#bangtanbathhouse#btswritingcafe#btshoneyhive#btscarnivalnet#jeon jungkook#jungkook fluff#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#bts jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook fan fiction#jungkook fan fiction#coquet x jjk#coquet jjk
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Just watched the Teardrop MV and OHMYGODDDD IT WAS SO GOOD?? THE AESTHETIC AND THE VOCALS 😭😭❤️
I KNOW RIGHT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭😭😭 it's so aesthetic and artsy and stunning ,,,,,,,,,, sf9 really went all out for this music video I'm so proud of them!!!!!!!!!
#deepseavibez#answered#AHHHHHHHHHHHH IT'S REALLY SO GOOD#I love how calm but deep it is??#that makes no sense but XD
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WIP Challenge
Rules: “post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have wips. (You can make your own post or reblog this one!) I have deemed that this isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? DND campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!!”
Thank you for the tag my lovely beautiful @yoongsisbae this looks like a lot of fun. In alphabetical order:
Alien Yandere au
BBX
BB14
Bodyguard season 2
CEO moving in drabble
CLWY 4
Coffee ex friends au
Extra
Happy without me - Taehyung drabble
Hollow moon 2
Hollow moon part X
Hybrid au ot7 ish
I did it for us - Yoongi yandere
Jungkook detective au
Jungkook werewolf
Namjoon pet
OLL 5
OLL flashback
She's not you - Jungkook angst smut best friend au
The Bunny and The Kangaroo
They locked me in a cage with a monster
What if 3 bodyguard
What if OLL drabble
Yoongi yandere au
You shine the way stars do X
YSTWSD 1
Taglist : @shadowofahope @itismochirice @angelicyoongie @scribblemetae @deepseavibez @purpleyoonn @goldensugarywaffles @whitesparrows97 @girlinthemikrokosmos @bibbykins and anyone else who wants to join please do
#I have cheated and not tagged as many people as I have WIP but I'm an awkward turtle and don't want to annoy anyone D:#i did not realise I had this many WIPs... and these are only the ones in the folder#didnt even mention the ones on my tumblr draft folder....#wip ask game
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♡ ↳ ❝ [ tag game ] ¡! ❞ ♡
instructions ; If you had each member’s number in your phone, what would you save their name as?
♡——————————————————♡
kim namjoon: ‘Free tutoring🥸’
kim seokjin: ‘Super Tuna 🍣’
min yoongi: ‘ Cat Meow 🐈⬛’
jung hoseok: ‘Just Dance Revolution 🕺🏻’
park jimin: ‘Jimin Park that ass over here 🤧’
kim taehyung: ✨Picasso ✨/ Vape God 300 (could be both, depends on the mood)
jeon jungkook: ‘Entity 97 👾’
♡——————————————————♡
tagged by ; @introlxv ‘aka one of the cutest people to ever exist <3’
tagging : @sor-vette @bangtangalicious @99liners @googikoo @deepseavibez @themochiverse @seok-jinnie ~ and of course anyone else who wants to ~
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Something To Live For
pic found on pinterest
Jungkook x Fem!Reader (sort of)
Summary- She just wants to feel again.
Word Count- 2.9K
Warning- Mention of suicide, Explicit theme of suicide and depression, reader is has reached rock bottom so this is very sad. Proceed with caution.
a/n- the biggest hugest shoutout to my love, my platonic soulmate, @deepseavibez . i honestly cannot tell you what this piece would be without her. this comes from a real, and raw place. so bare with me. any mistakes are mine.
playlist(??)
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The overly sterile half bathroom in the crowded frat house seemed to be something of an ironic last location. It would happen that this very half bathroom had been the same half bathroom you found yourself in every chance you got.
Drunk or high off your ass every single time. Sometimes, if you were lucky— Both.
Tonight seemed to be a lucky one, given that as soon as you walked in, a random guy in a pirate costume handed you a little baggy with a white powdery substance. Now that you gave it some thought, he looked oddly similar to your dealer.
You could hear the faint sounds of music. A faint, sad, poppy kind of tune. Something about being lonely with someone else. It was oddly fitting for your mood.
The world was soft around the edges and everything made sense. Your brain swam with everything and nothing all at the same time.
Your nails dug into the hardened cement in between the tiles, picking at the gravel and brushing it away when they found a new spot. The coldness of the colorless bathroom was something akin to comforting. In your state of mind it could be whatever you wanted it to be. It could be home, where your mother and baby brother are. It could be the graveyard where your dad is lying under six feet of earth. It could be… well it could be anything. You couldn’t have found a better canvas if you tried.
Aside from the quiet music, the room was without sound. The echoing hollowness left much to be desired but in your headspace, you couldn’t ask for a better last location. The corner of a frat house bathroom. How luxurious. In retrospect, you weren’t really in the bathroom mentally. You were far away, somewhere where no one else was. It was just you and the space around you. You huffed— you’d be there soon enough physically, too.
Two quick knocks rang on the door before it was shoved open.
One of the resident frat boys— Jung something— stood tall and broad in the doorway, long purple hair pulled back from his eyes. As it stands, you couldn’t tell if the purple was permanent or temporary dye. He changes the color of his locks like people change their mind-- you rolled your eyes. You mentally carded the thought into your metaphorical filing cabinet for a later moment. That thought was almost laughable. Later moment… last moment maybe.
“Party’s over, sweetheart. Pack it up.” It was rough, and slurred together in a blur of sound and somehow, color. You wanted to laugh. You could see color, for fucksake.
You snorted. “Not gonna kiss me goodnight?” It had to be karma kicking your ass because not even a full second after the last words spilled past your lips, you were hurling the contents of your stomach onto the floor beside the toilet.
The frat boy— ever the gentleman— rushed to your side in favor of gathering your hair into a makeshift ponytail while you regurgitated the liquor he took the courtesy of providing tonight. It felt like deja vu, him having provided the same sort of comfort sometime before. The gag being, it had been multiple times before he had done this for you, and still… he didn’t even know your name.
Once you had successfully rid yourself of weight in your stomach, you shrugged him off and attempted to casually stand on your quivering legs.
You sniffled, running your thumb over your nostrils to contain the powdered filled snot you were sure was on the verge of leaking before pushing past him.
He was talking, that you were sure of, but everything he said sounded like a light hum in the back of your head as you stumbled out of the bathroom.
The house had emptied, with the exception of a few stragglers who had passed out or were on the verge of doing so. There were red solo cups everywhere and while you could feel the bass of the music under your feet, you could only hear your thoughts.
You pushed past the few that were leaving, willing your shaky legs to carry you to the kitchen island-turned bar. The corner of your mouth lifted when a twisted sense of pride washed over you as your hands lifted to finally touch the counter.
Your eyes scanned the collection of alcohol. There were quite a few flavors to choose from. Dark. Light. Sweet. Tangy. And then some plain old beer. You tried not to think of the price of the bottle as you snatched the Casamigos off the counter.
With a bottle of tequila to call a friend, you started your walk out of the house. That on its own would be a mission. Walking through sections of discarded cups and navigating through the sea of what you could only assume was discarded people, lying about on the tiled floors.
You wander around the dimly lit maze of hallways for a while. You wonder for a second how you’d reached this level of numbness. Was it the parties? Was it the drugs? Was it your father dying? Was it your mother shutting down? Was it the copious amount of people walking in and out of your life?
Something snapped. Something stopped. But everything kept going. The world kept spinning. The people around you continued to work and learn. Your roommate kept having sex. Your brother continued to never call. Your mother still didn’t talk to you. While you were screaming and drowning and searching for a lifeboat, the world went on.
You giggled, fingers gripping the neck of the bottle tighter than before. How pitiful, you thought, all alone in a big blue world, huh, little girl?
Seems so, Y/n, seems so.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
As it stands, Jungkook couldn’t let you leave the house in the state you were in. It’s Halloween, and he didn’t know what weirdo would be lurking in the shadows, waiting on you— preying on you.
So with a heaved sigh, he followed you out of the bathroom. Pacing his steps behind you in a timely manner. He was going to allow you to gather yourself before approaching.
Jungkook was everything, but an idiot. Your pupils were dilated— a sure indicator that it wasn’t just alcohol pumping through your veins. And the sniffle sounded less like one from a cold and more like a way to control the tainted snot he’d caught a glimpse of. He’d seen you here a few times. He’s watched you drink your body weight in liquor and then disappear off in the same corner of the house. Every time. Humorously, you dressed for the occasion. It was only a little black cocktail dress and black feathery wings, but it fit you. You looked almost ethereal in the fluorescently lit, white bathroom. The only color in the entire little room. It hadn’t been the first time he’d been in awe of your beauty. So broken and yet, so perfect.
It seemed you had no intention of sobering up, he’d realized, when you grabbed the neck of the casamigos bottle and pushed past the reject piles of people and cups.
He followed closely behind you, seems giving you space to recoup wouldn’t work tonight. You wandered the hallways in the house. You climbed the steps and kept wandering and wondered for a second how long you’d do this.
You stopped walking. All was still for a while. And then your shoulders started to shake and his heart dropped-- were you crying?
He didn’t wait long for his answers because then your head tilted and the most melodious laugh he’d ever had the pleasure of hearing escaped your throat. In a different setting, that would have his lips turning up in a smile. But this was different. Because you were alone -- sort of-- in a dark hallway in a random house. Your head straightened but your laughter didn’t stop. Instead you pushed open a random door. Jungkook mentally checked the room off as Jin’s.
Your footsteps didn’t make a sound as you approached the balcony overlooking the front lawn. Your hand reached out to open the door when he decided to intervene.
He opened his mouth to talk, but before his tongue— heavy with liquor— could wrap around a word, you beat him to the punch.
“Those boots aren’t helping your sneaking, double oh seven.” Jungkook cursed the heel on the back of his shoes, they seemed like a fashion statement at the moment he’d put them on. You slid the balcony door open and stepped out.
His tongue poked in the side of his mouth before kissing his teeth. “It was a good choice at the time.” You turned to him, regarding him with amusement as you twisted then popped the wooden cork out of the glass bottle. He had a bad feeling of twisting and turning in his body. He wanted you off that balcony.
“Not anymore, I guess. So what was your angle here, huh? Follow me up here? Get me here and have your way with me? I’ll let you… as long as you promise this night will be my last.” It was melodramatic, you were well aware. But as you sipped from the bottle unceremoniously— tequila dripping from your chin and onto your breast— you couldn’t quite bring yourself to care.
He cringed at your words. Visibly so. He’d never in his life been accused of being a creeper, and it didn’t settle in his chest well.
He decided instead to focus on the more alarming part of your spiel. “What do you mean ‘promise this night will be my last’? I was just gonna ask if you need a ride home.” His brows furrowed in confusion and he hadn’t noticed, but his hands had balled themselves up into fists at his side. His heartbeat picked up a bit, only a little. For now he’d blame his drink.
You laughed. A loud, chest shaking laugh from the depths of your stomach, as if what he’d just said was top tier comedy. “You think I showed up here, in these stupid wings just to party? C’mon, kid. Tell me you’re not that much of an idiot! There had to be some irony in the way I went out.” You shook your head, a crooked smile making his stomach twist into a tight ball of nervousness that he was sure would shoot out of his throat.
“You’re drunk and-“ He stopped short for a minute, making you sniffle subconsciously before you finished for him. “Just say it, honey. High. I’m drunk and I’m high and I’ve never felt better.” You lifted your hands up to be level with your shoulders, the unoccupied hand facing upward as you crossed one leg over the other and did a complete three sixty. You mentally pat yourself on the back— that's the most stable you’ve been all night.
“Don’t I look just dashing when I’m at my lowest? Finest thing walking, if you ask me.” You’d schooled your face into a permanent smirk, and it only grew when the look of horror masked Jungkook’s face.
He wasn’t as good as you at composing himself, because now he was sure you could hear his heartbeat and the ringing in his ears, it was so loud. He silently sent a prayer up to whatever god that was listening to send one of his hyungs in his direction.
No such luck. So he continued on talking, stalling time so he could come up with a plan on the fly.
Down below, Namjoon heard voices from Jin’s balcony as he tossed the cup of piss he’d found in his gardening shed and watched Hoseok boredly shoo drunk party goers off of the grass. His gaze shifted upward as he took a few steps back to nosely watch the commotion. He could only see a pair of black wings and a set of freshly shaven legs leading up into a form fitting black dress. He listened on as a familiar voice continued the conversation.
“My point is, you aren’t yourself. You’re not thinking rationally. How about you just sit for a second, hm? Let me get you some water so you can sober up.” He took a step toward the hand with the liquor.
You tilted your head at his movement. It was almost laughable— his transparency. He was obviously worried, which sparked a flame of confusion and hope that your subconscious was quick to stomp out. You willed away the sudden need to trust. Trust kills, Y/n. He’ll only hurt you. You mentally rolled your eyes. Maybe you need to get hurt, Y/n. When was the last time you felt anything?
Your lips fell flat as you examined him. He seemed to be trying to inch closer to you— or rather the bottle you were holding. His face was a mix between confusion and fear and his hands were clenching in and out of fist at his side— like he was trying to get a grip on his emotions. The thought set off a pang of jealousy in your chest-- I wanna feel emotion, too.
Your hands were still adjacent to your shoulders and the empty hand was still turned upward, so with a quirk in your lip, you flipped your hand so your palm was facing him, halting his movements.
“Look, kid. Whatever you think is about to happen… whatever you think you’re about to say to stop me, don’t. It's not gonna change my decision. It's been a long time coming. Great Halloween party” And with that, you turned on your heels and leaned to glance down over the balcony, meeting eyes with Namjoon and Hoseok who had long since joined him when he noticed his attention up above.
You smiled down at the horrified onlookers. “Might wanna move, boys. Don’t wanna fall on you.” You winked down at them before swinging one leg over the railing and catching your foot on the ledge. Hoseok gasped and let his legs rush him to the door of the house where he called out for the rest of his brothers to hurry and join them out in the lawn.
You threw your other leg over the railing, catching yourself on the ledge and holding yourself there with the grip of your hand on the rail. Jungkook had leapt onto the balcony and wrapped a tight grip around your wrist.
Soon you had a whole crowd at your feet as you playfully hung onto the railing, pushing yourself forward and backward using the grip of your hand to hold you there.
“Jesus, you people just don’t listen.” You whispered to yourself but Jungkook heard you loud and clear.
He racked his brain for something to say, or do. He, too, was intoxicated so he wouldn’t be able to lift you over the rail without throwing himself over too. He couldn’t rush down to catch you, there were too many risks. His only option was to talk you down. So he leaned forward until his mouth was right beside your ear and he spoke.
“I don’t know what you’re going through. I only ever see you when you come into the parties and even then we don’t talk. You don’t know me. And I don’t know you…” You kissed your teeth.
“Exactly! So why are you hovering, mister?” Your voice was soft, and broken no matter how hard you tried to seem like you weren’t.
He honestly didn’t know. You were just some girl. Who showed up to all his ragers and did what anyone else at the party was doing. But you intrigued him. He made it his duty, every party, to be the one to clear out the little half bathroom in the main hallway. And you were always there, numbing yourself to the world and it’s cruelty. He didn’t know you, he knew that. But he wanted to know you. And you weren’t giving him the chance.
“I want to know you… lemme give you something to live for.” He whispered.
It seemed to the boys below that whatever he’d just said to you, struck a nerve, because your smile was wiped from your face and your lips began to tremble.
“You’re lying…” Your voice broke, but all the boys below could hear you.
“Do you know how many times I’ve heard that same bullshit? One time too fucking many. I’m tired, kid. I’m tired and I can’t feel anything. I wanna feel something. I just wanna feel again. I’m so tired-“ Your voice broke off into a body-wracking sob.
His hand moved from your wrist in favor of wrapping his arm around your waist over the rail.
“Let us help you feel something! Let us find you something to live for. Let us help you.” Namjoon called up from the floor, moving farther away from the balcony to get a better look at you.
Let them help you feel, Y/n. What more do we have to lose?
You suck in a deep breath. “Don’t hurt me, okay?” Your voice was small, like a child and for a second, you kind of felt like one.
“I promise. I swear. Just come back over, please.” Jungkook’s grip on your waist tightened to a vice grip.
You nodded. “Just make me feel again.”
#bts#bts angst#bts x female reader#bts x reader#jungkook angst#bts jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook x female reader#ot7 angst#angst#this mfr had me crying
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ANNOUNCEMENT!!
Hi!
Lol that's funny considering I'm simultaneously greeting everyone and yet no one at all.
Anyway, this weeks update for Nerve will go as planned. However, it will be the last update for the year. Aksjdjsjd no one come at me please I'm a marshmellow
So for the weeks of Christmas and New Year's I am on a break, from work and writing.
This is subject to change considering I will miss writing coz I'm wired like that and I might drop anything at anytime but,, yeah lol I'm a mess but a mess that needs a break so
I wish everyone a great holiday season! 🎄
- Dee
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